The Best of Car Talk - #2436: Cup of Coffee for the Road

Episode Date: May 4, 2024

Stephan from Wyoming probably likes a cup of hot coffee for the road to keep warm, but he was shocked when his mechanic came out with a steaming coffee kettle and began pouring it into his carburetor. One lump or two on this episode of the Best of Car Talk.Get access to hundreds of episodes in the Car Talk archive when you sign up for Car Talk+ at plus.npr.org/cartalkLearn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

When the economic news gets to be a bit much, listen to The Indicator from Planet Money. We're here for you, like your friends, trying to figure out all the most confusing parts. One story, one idea, every day, all in 10 minutes or less. The Indicator from Planet Money, your friendly economic sidekick from NPR. Hello and welcome to Car Talk on National Public Radio with us, Click and Clack, the Tappert Brothers. And we're broadcasting this week From the campaign finance department division Here at Card Talk Plaza Hey You may recall that a few weeks ago

We announced our candidacy For president of these United States A dual candidacy Right? We did And there has been a groundswell Three letters Two

That one's Griffey for president. Ken Griffey Jr. is also running for president, but we can beat him, I'm pretty sure. We got check. These are checks, man. How many home runs did you hit last year? Didn't hit any. Well, you're probably out of luck. We got a check for 10 bucks from, who is this from?

Oh, jeez, from a guy in Montana. Bob Schultz from Montana. Sheriff's Department, I think. Sheriff's Department. This listener is altogether in agreement with your displeasure with Montana's lack, oh, that's why, of a reasonable speed limit. Since the new law went into effect, driving has become unpleasant. This has become known as the unintelligent law.

It was to be designated the stupid law, but the federal government has a copyright on stupid and threatened a lawsuit if Fontana infringed on it. Okay. We live out of town. Since your announcement that you intend to run for president of the U.S. on a platform of a national speed limit of 35 miles an hour, we have realized there is hope for the future. You certainly have our votes for November and closes the check for $10 to add to the war chest of your campaign.

Good luck. $10. That's the first one. But Alan Abrams from Washington, D.C. This is to lend my support. This is a real check here.

I'm cashing this. This is to lend my support and heartily endorse the candidacy of click slash clack. Parenthesis, I like the idea of dual candidacy as I cannot tell you guys apart anyway. To this effect, I have attached my check for $10,000. $10,000. Eat your heart out, Ken Griffey. My support is based on the 35 mile an hour speed limit campaign plank. One benefit from enacting this legislation will be a manifold reduction in wear and tear on automobiles.

Yes, indeed. Consequently, the number of automotive problems which drive people to seek advice on Car Talk will dwindle, hopefully to the point where an entire hour will go by and nobody will call. NPR will have no choice but to cancel Car Talk and substitute higher quality programs. Well, thanks, Alan. I mean, this is great. Those are the first two donations we have. We now have $10,000.

Let's keep a running tally. $10,010. This is from the Those are the first two donations we have. We now have $10,000. Let's keep a running tally. $10,010. This is from the Latex National Bank. You mean it's a rubber check? The Latex... Well... I'm going to cash it in. Oh, of course. I know you are.

I don't want people to forget about this candidacy. So we will keep reminding you for the next whatever number of months it is. What? May, June, July, August, September. Oh, six months. We've got a lot of time. Anyone who wants to help us with this campaign, we belong in Washington. We're going to straighten them out. All right.

You ready to take a call? Absolutely. What's the number? I don't remember. Let me look. It's on this paper here. 1-800-332-9287. Hello, you're on Car Talk.

Hi, this is Stephan, and I live in Jackson, Wyoming. Hey, Stephan, what's happening, man? Oh, nothing. It's sunny out here, finally. Yeah, right. Sunny in what, 20? No, it's probably 30. Isn't that great, huh?

And people even pay attention to Punxsutawney Phil. I mean, does it take a genius to figure out that it's not going to be warm until June? Everyone knows that. Well, maybe, especially in Jackson. And Boston, too. Yeah, so what's on your mind, Stephan? Well, I'll tell you. You know, I got this 83 Chevrolet Halfton

with a 305, and it knocks and pings like the world is going to end. And I went to my somewhat trustworthy mechanic, and he had a cure for this. And he came out with a coffee pot of water, and he took the cover off my air filter, and he poured this water down the, I mean, before he did it, he told me he was going to pour it down the carburetor.

Yeah. Amazing. And you let him do it? No, well, I didn't know. I said, hey, wait a minute, you're not going to do that. And he said, trust me, it'll stop the pain. Now, see, it all has to do with the equipment.

The coffee pot was a dead giveaway that this was a Mickey Mouse remedy. If, however, he had come up with some contraption that said snap-on or sun equipment on it, and he then proceeded to... Which was filled on it. And he then proceeded to... Which was filled with water. And he then proceeded to pour water down the carburetor.

You would think that this was something that was legitimate. No, he... No, huh? I was under there with him, and he revved the engine like crazy. I mean, I thought the engine was going to blow up. And he said, no, no, keep doing this until it stops. Until the engine stops? No, until, yeah, it's like until the knocking stops or the engine blows up.

I didn't know what he meant. So he revs up the engine and he slowly pours water into the carburetor. Yeah. And? And? Well, you know, it went away for like a week. Sure. But I wasn't sure whether I should keep doing this or not.

And now I feel the question to you. I say, would you do this to your own car? No, I wouldn't do it to mine, but I would do it to my brother's. And I have done it on many occasions. And I wouldn't use a coffee pot either. I like a plastic jug myself. Well, actually, I use a, what do they call those things? A lawn, you know, a sprayer, a bug sprayer thing.

Oh, really? Yeah. Well, you can pour water down the throat of the carburetor or into the throttle body of even a fuel-injected car to break up carbon deposits on the pistons. In fact, water injection has been used for decades, maybe even years. Tens of years, maybe. On various engines, especially diesels, to smooth out the flame propagation and also to cut down on carbon buildup and actually break down carbon and kick it out the tailpipe. And it's not going to do any harm because one of the products of combustion is water anyway.

Obviously, you drive a lot in the mountains. You live where there are mountains. Yeah. And you use the cheapest, lowest octane gasoline you can buy, like that 81 octane. No, no. You know, I found that if I use the expensive stuff, it's less finicky, you know, and it runs better. Yeah. Well, that's what the more expensive stuff is for.

Is that gas treatment a farce? You know, those little red bottles that you put in your tank? Yeah, the little red bottles. Does that do anything? Well, if you open the bottles and pour them in, it helps a little bit. Now, sometimes those things help, and they're not going to help this condition, which is carbon buildup on the pistons. There's almost nothing that's going to clean that up.

Really? Some of those things do break down deposits that are on the valve, the valve train, which can cause the valves to hang up. But I've never seen any one of them really have much of an effect on the carbon. That carbon that builds up on those pistons is harder than steel. Yeah. So, I mean, you can try this. And in fact, this has been used.

But I would try making sure that the timing is right, the engine's timing is correct, the exhaust gas recirculation valve is working. Because on an 83, it's possible that it fell off four or five years ago, and you don't even know it. Who would know? Yeah. So ask your mechanic to check that thing, because that can make a big difference. And also, you should make sure that you're not using 10W-40 motor oil.

Really? Is that what you use? I think 10-30. It's a little thinner, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. 10-30 is the stuff to use in that engine. There are additives in 10W40

which also will make your engine ping. Really? So any one of those things could be the culprit but in the meantime, how many cup coffee pot did he use?

Like an eight cupper? No, it was a clean coffee pot. Sure, that's good. It was just like a little four cupper from like a mini one.

Yeah, I mean, if all these other things are correct, if the timing is correct and everything else is working and the coffee pot treatment works for a week or so, then every week I would use the coffee pot treatment again. And in the meantime, between times, I would always use high-test gas.

I mean, the whole purpose of that expensive stuff is to prevent pinging. So if you're not using it, you should be. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. And that's it. That'll do it.

Okay. Of course, you realize that the pinging is going to get worse as the weather gets hotter. Really? Yeah. Why's that? I don't know why, but... I don't want to know about that. You don't want to know.

Because the pinging is a function of the combustion chamber temperature. And the temperature of the combustion in the cylinder is a function of the outside air temperature. There's no pinging here. This is a knocking and a pounding. Like a log on a medieval castle door, man. It's pounding. It's bad. You've got to fix this because it's going to wreck your engine.

Okay. No matter what it takes, fix it. And the next time, try pouring coffee in the air instead of just water. Decaf, I think. I think decaf works best. All right. I think cappuccino. Good luck, Stephan. Hey, thank you.

All right, see you. Good luck. Bye-bye. Guess what? The Puzzler Answer and more calls are coming up right after this. Guess what? The Puzzler Answer and more calls are coming up right after this. Personal stories. I was scared. Like, I can't protect you. We are NPR's home for documentary storytelling. Find Embedded wherever you get your podcasts. Pro-Palestinian protests have popped up on college campuses across the country. But from the eyes of students, what are we missing?

From the outside, these protests are painted as really violent when that couldn't be further from the truth. I'm Brittany Luce, host of NPR's It's Been a Minute, and I'm inviting you to hear from student journalists who see what the rest of us cannot. On It's Been a Minute from NPR. Drake and Kendrick Lamar have been lobbing some serious accusations at each other. You've probably heard the diss tracks and wondered, what's just a low blow and what's actually criminal? I'm Brittany Luce, host of It's Been a Minute from NPR.

And I'm getting into what's art and what's worthy of criminal investigation and who those accusations hurt the most on It's Been a Minute from NPR. This message is brought to you by Wondery. In the climate-ravaged year of 2072, the city of Pura protects residents from global catastrophes, but a dark secret threatens Pura's very existence. Binge all episodes of The Last City ad-free right now on Wondery+. All right, where's your I-can't-remember-reminder thing? Right here, man.

Don't you worry your little head off. Can I remember the puzzler? That isn't it. That isn't it. He didn't find it. Okay, come on. Time's running out. That's not it.

I don't have it. Ha! But did it have to do with Frank? No. Oh, that was the week before. I give up. I know you give up. I don't have it.

I called your wife last night and told her to take it. I'm going to pick my pockets. Several years ago, we discovered a nifty little way for detecting things like blown cylinder head gaskets and cracked heads, etc. Oh, yes. Now, when a cylinder head or a gasket is bad, one of the things that happens is that vapors... Go ahead, open your can of Coke in front of the microphone. Shh. Okay. is that vapors, go ahead, open your can of Coke in front of the microphone. Vapors from that leak will actually get into the cooling system, into the water jacket.

And we've discovered that we can actually remove the radiator cap and sniff those vapors, those hydrocarbons, using our emissions tester, because that's what the emissions tester does. It picks up unburned hydrocarbons and carbon monoxide, et cetera, et cetera. Tells you how much of each thing is in there. And it really doesn't care whether they're coming out the tailpipe or whether they're coming out of the radiator cap. And of course, if they're coming out of the radiator cap, you've got a problem. Yeah. So this is a procedure. Or if they're in Pete's breath, you know, something's funny. You take the cap off, you get the engine up to operating temperature, and you bring the sniffer over and place it near the radiator. And if the thing didn't read zero, you'd know you have a problem.

Anyway, the other day, Manny is doing a test on a car. And he turns to Ralph, who's on the next bay doing a tune-up, and says, ah, this guy is in trouble. He has a blown head gasket. Now, Ralph's got his head in the engine compartment, and he says, oh, yeah? But toward Manny, we should point out. He's not facing the car. He's not facing Manny. His butt is toward Manny.

His butt is toward Manny. He's facing in the opposite direction. Doesn't know what Manny's working on. Doesn't know nothing. Just thought I'd throw that in. Well, I was going to obfuscate things even further. I was going to get to that. Anyway, Ralph's got his head in the engine compartment.

He's doing his tune-up. He's got his head up what? And he says, oh, yeah? And Manny says, yeah. He's got like 60 or 70 parts per million hydrocarbon at the radiator and I guess he's out of luck. Yeah. Guess he needs a valve job. Now, Ralph, without lifting his head, he's tuning up this car in the next bay,

says, I don't think so. The question is, how did Ralph know that Manny was about to misdiagnose this car? He hadn't seen the car before, had no knowledge of it, had never looked at it. Yeah. Didn't even know Manny. Yeah. This is a true story. Not even the names were changed to protect the innocent. Because there are no innocent. Yeah. This is a true story. Not even the names were changed to protect the innocent.

Because there are no innocent. Yeah, this was a very, very good puzzle. And I think I mentioned that all of the clues that were necessary were embedded in the various obfuscations and confusions in this puzzler. Yes, they were. And the hint was that Ralph was doing a tune-up. Yeah. And one of the things you do when you do a tune-up frequently is you change a gas filter, and in doing so, you spill gasoline.

And when Manny said that the sniffer was reading 70 parts per million hydrocarbon, Ralph knew that what it was reading was not what was coming out of the radiator, but in all likelihood, it was reading the ambient reading of the air around those two cars. Right. You spill a quarter of a cup of gasoline on the ground, and you'll have 70 or 80 parts per million of hydrocarbons all around you. Yes, indeed. In fact, they had to turn the fan on and evacuate the place before they could do this test. Yeah.

Pretty good, huh? I have to say, that was a very good one. We'll see what the hate mail says. All right. Where's our winner, Tommy? Wait a minute. Someplace here. Who's the winner?

Come on. Who's the winner, man? Come on, man. It's over here someplace. Ah. The winner is Bob Prescott from Baton Rouge, Louisiana. And for being our winner this week, our buddy Bob will get a copy of the best of Car Talk on cassette or CD.

You can give it to your mother. And for Mother's Day, Bob, she'll never talk to you again. And maybe that's good. Now, by the way, if you didn't win the puzzler and you find yourself in dire need of a copy of the best of Car Talk, you can always get one at cartalk.com on the World Wide Web, or by calling Car Talk's Shameless Commerce Division, whose number is 303-823-8000. Now, we have a brand new puzzler, seasonal puzzler, I might add. Oh, good.

Winter season? No. Baseball season. Oh, yeah. Good. That's coming up during the second half of today's show, yeah. Good. That's coming up during the second half of today's show, so stay tuned. In the meantime, 1-800-332-9287 is our number.

Hello, you're on Car Talk. Hello. Hello. I'm Carla from Kingman, Arizona. Carla Kingman. Kingman. There's something famous about Kingman. I hear that name all the time,

but I don't know what it's famous for. Well, think of all the positive things, and that's the ones you can remember. Okay. Okay. What's up, Carla? I have a 94 Geo Prism, which I love, but because of my two college-age daughters, I have found a flaw. Yeah. Plastic bumpers.

Oh. I have a daughter in Denver who is moving into an apartment. I was planning on renting a small trailer to take some of her stuff up there and found out that I would have to get a frame hitch. Yes, you will. Yes, and I can't rent a frame hitch. I have to purchase the frame hitch. They have to install it to the frame. Right. It has to be bolted to the frame. Forever and ever. I'm only planning on doing this once or twice.

I know I'll miss my daughters, but I don't want to make it easy for them to come home. I want to pitch off eventually. In the good old days when we had big, very heavy, substantial bumpers, you could go to U-Haul, and I would never go to U-Haul again because they're a bunch of sleazeballs. Aw. Wait a minute, wait a minute. My brother suggested that they were a bunch of

sleazeballs at U-Hauls. I have had some very, very negative experiences at U-Haul and I will, I personally, you can do whatever you want. I personally will never give them a nickel of my money again. That's all.

Okay. But that's beside the point. But in the old days, you could get yourself a big trailer hitch that just latched onto the bumper. And we shouldn't have said that. And does Andre Kodrescu apologize? Andre Kodrescu apologizes also. Also. I'll pass on the word. How's that?

Yeah. But you're right. You can't do that anymore unless you have like a pickup truck. And the pickup truck would have a big substantial bumper. And if you don't have one, you could rent one. Well, the reason, they're related, by the way, at this development, because it forces you now to not use your car, which you'd probably burn the clutch out in anyway. Rather, it forces you then to go and rent a truck from them.

That's right. Which is what you should do. Okay. Not from them, from someone else. I wrote that down. Someone else rental. Yeah, someone else rental. You rent yourself a nice truck and the little trailer that goes with it, and that will be great.

Well, I see all these vans all the time around Boston. I don't know which company they're from. They're from Hertz or U-Haul or one of those companies that rent moving vans. Ryder, there you go. Okay. And it says, rent this van for $19.95. Yeah. Was that an hour?

For the first five miles. Yeah. I guess it may be a little bit misleading. I mean, I get the idea that you can rent this for a day for $19.95, assuming that you didn't leave the premises with it. Yeah, you can sit in it and go vroom, vroom. You just turn the key and start it up, and it goes up to $39.95. Yeah, I mean, they obviously do charge you for mileage.

And how long is the trip? Well, about two days or, you know, 12 hours driving straight through. I mean, you might want to just get yourself a little truck that you can put all the stuff in because a trailer is kind of unwieldy to mess with. Okay. So if you're going to rent a vehicle, if you're going to have to rent a truck anyway, I wouldn't rent a truck and then a trailer to hang on the back of it. I would just rent the truck, fill it up with the stuff.

It's got a nice ramp that you can walk up. And where are you driving to? She can walk up. She can walk up. Yeah, you'll be driving. She's driving to Denver. Yes. Denver.

So you're going to assist in this move? I'm just making sure I get it out of my house. She gets to unload it with her friends. Yes. Oh, I see. Aren't I a wonderful mother? Who's going to drive? I will wonderful mother? Who's going to drive? I will.

Oh, you're going to drive? Yes. You're going to drive this behemoth to Denver and back? It's not going to be that big. I may have to drive it one way and then fly back. Oh, it'll cost you $9,000 to leave it there. Basically, it's the cost of a new van. They just demolish them.

If you don't bring it back, where you leave it, they just crush it. All right, so it's cheaper to bring it back. It's cheaper. Oh, yeah. But it might not be as much fun. It might not be as much fun. That's true. On the other hand, they do have people that do this stuff.

No. Movers. Yeah, they're called movers. Yeah. She doesn't have that much. She doesn't have that much. Well, you could subsidize. I mean, think of the wear and tear on you, your nerves, and all the other things that are going to happen on the way,

all the misadventures if you accompany her on this trip. Whereas you could call a moving company. They'll load the stuff. They'll take it to Denver. Where's your sense of adventure? I think I want to be there to make sure. That she actually goes, right? You want to make sure that she actually goes to Denver.

That's right. You've got it. It's going to be fun. There's going to be a lot of bonding going on when you drive all the way to Denver with your daughter in the front seat with you. Sure. A few tears and then a smile all the way home. How old is this daughter that you're getting rid of?

Well, she's already in college up there, but getting into her apartment, she's 20 and the other one's 17, so I go through this one more time. Yeah. No. And you're that anxious the other one's 17, so I go through this one more time. Yeah. No. And you're that anxious to get rid of them, huh? What's... Anxious isn't the right... I've been a single parent, so it's my turn pretty soon. Yeah.

You know, they're ready, so am I. You needn't say anything else. You got it. I got it. I got it. Well, live it up, Carla. I'd get her out of the house tomorrow if I were you. And thanks for your help. I really appreciate it. All right. Good luck. All right. Bye-bye.

Thanks for the call. Bye-bye. More calls and a new puzzle are coming up right after these messages. Why is everyone so obsessed with traditional wives or trad wives on social media? This week, we're talking about the viral videos of women making marshmallows and mozzarella from scratch and how behind the sheen of calm kitchens and cute fits, there's some interesting pessimism about our modern world. And that's worth digging into. Next time on It's Been a Minute from NPR.

Summer is for going to the movie theater because it's too hot to stay home. It's for driving with the windows down, listening to your favorite music. It's for stretching out while you're on vacation to gobble up a TV show. For a guide to some of the TV, movies, and music we are most excited about this summer, listen to the Pop Culture Happy Hour podcast from NPR. On the TED Radio Hour, researcher Sasha Luciani says AI can help us find climate solutions. But just training the technology itself uses a ton of energy. Training, John GPT, for instance, emits as much carbon as five cars in their lifetime.

Tech's climate conundrum. That's on the TED Radio Hour from NPR. In any great story, there's a moment that sparks your curiosity. It tells you there is more to uncover. How did this happen? How did we get here? That's where Embedded comes in. We are NPR's home for documentary journalism,

immersive and intimate stories. I was stone cold speechless. Nothing will ever, ever, ever, ever be the same here. Find Embedded wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, we're back. You're listening to Car Talk on National Public Radio with us, Clicking Clock, the Tappert brothers, and we're here to discuss cars, car repair, and beyond the roof snow theory. The roof snow theory, as you all know, as you may know.

May. No, I'm sure they don't all know. As some of you may know, is one of my brother's wacko theories. And here is another one. We should have a department of wacko theories. This one is from Deb Undress. Now, Deb has two Bs in it, so I don't know. I mean, should we give him the abstract of the Roof Snow Theory?

I mean, it's unfair to just psych his butt in this room. Sure. Go ahead. I mean, feel free. No, no. It's your theory, man. You go right ahead. I mean, in a nutshell, my contention is that when they measure snowfall, in Boston here, they measure snowfall all the time at so many inches at Logan Airport. And I contend that where I live, we always get a lot more. And the reason we get a lot more is because not a lot more falls out of the sky. What happens is a lot more slides off the various roofs in the neighborhood because

they're not flat and winds up where? If it slides off the roof, it has to wind up where? In your driveway or on your street. On the ground. So we're at Logan Airport where they measure it and you open the ceiling. Ten inches and you get 12. 18. 18? Sure, I mean you could get double because if the roof is made so that the snow will measure it, and it'll use the open field. It's 10 inches, and you get 12. 18. 18. Sure, I mean, you could get double, because if the roof is made so that the snow will slide off, that's why we have pitched roofs. Right.

So things will slide off of them. Exactly. And when it slides off, it must wind up in the ground, and therefore, it's all, that's just a... No, that's the roof snow theory. That's it. I mean, there's a lot of heavy-duty mathematics. Yeah, but we can avoid that at the moment.

Yeah, that's right. Well, this one is similar to the Roof Snow Theory. Go ahead. I was driving home from... Deb Andres is from St. Louis, Missouri. And Deb is 2B, so it might be a guy or a woman. I don't know. I was driving home from work...

Safe to say. I was driving home from work today, reading the billboards instead of watching the road, when suddenly I was struck with a realization. By a truck. He says, I was fortunate that I wasn't struck by a Mack truck. But that's another letter. It occurred to me that those billboards are big and tall. Yes, they are.

At the same time, it occurred to me that weather-wise, this has been a rotten winter. And although it should be spring, it was only six degrees outside. Of course, the logical conclusion of these two corollaries is that the wind resistance offered by like this. The billboard theory is slowing down the earth and changing the weather patterns. Eureka. You probably said Eureka when you thought of the snow theory. He thinks that billboards, or she rather. Well, we don't know. He or she.

I would feel safe in saying that it's probably a she. A Deb, yeah. Believes that billboards are slowing down the planet, causing a drag, so to speak. Drag? I mean, it's like putting up a huge sail, right? It could be that, depending on what makes the Earth turn, it could be that it's speeding up the Earth. If it's a sail, we don't know why the Earth is spinning. No, I mean, obviously, if there's an unequal number of billboards in the northern hemisphere and the southern hemisphere,

if they're the same number in both hemispheres, then the effects will be completely negated. Well, no, it depends. I mean, what is the mechanism by which the Earth spins? No one really understands that. No, of course not. I mean, it could be that the wind is blowing. No, I think that's what makes the wind blow. No, I mean, the solar wind.

Right. The solar wind might be pushing. And it could be that the Earth did not turn until billboards were invented. Maybe. Is it possible for three people to know less than one topic? Deb, you've... My God. Deb, you have stumbled.

You have stumbled onto something. No, you just have stumbled. Jeez. I mean, anyone who has some theories here, drop us some email. Cartalk.com is the address. Go to Café Datra and post your message at the café. Your theory. Or your comment on this theory. The billboard

wind theory. God, it's good. God, it's good. Einstein, eat your heart out. Relativity was nothing compared to this. Alright, it's time for what? Another puzzler? Well, I think they're about to discover that the ether still exists.

Of course it does. Yeah. Everyone knows that. Okay, I just,'re about to discover that the ether still exists. Of course it does. Yeah. Everyone knows that. Oh, okay. I just, well, revelation to me. As does bile. Black bile. It's time for the new puzzler. And as I promised, this is a baseball seasonal puzzler.

And you know how much I love sports. I do. I do indeed. And because the baseball season is now fully upon us, I thought it would be appropriate to use this puzzle, which I stole from somebody who's... I lost his letter. So what's that you got in your hand? No, this is his letter.

But as you see, it's just... Oh. It's just a... There's no name on it. No name. What a shame. He's ashamed of it, too. All right. Well, I'll use it because I think it's legit.

Yeah, go ahead. And if people have different... Well, if you don't like it, tough. Here it is. Lefty McDougal, star pitcher for the Kenosha Ramblers, had an incentive clause in his contract that guaranteed him an extra $1,000 if he wins 20 games in the season.

Yeah. Did you get that? Here it is, the last game of the year. Lefty's got what? 19. There you go. Of course. And he was scheduled to be that day's starting pitcher against these other clowns.

It was the worst club in the league. Yeah. An hour before the game, the manager approaches Lefty and says, you ain't starting the game. Why not? Asks Lefty. You know it's worth an extra grand to me. Well, that's the problem,

the manager explained. The owner of the club, Scrooge McSteinbrenner, wants to keep his money and he told me that if you threw a single pitch that day, I'd be looking for

a new job in the spring. Oh. But don't give up hope, the manager says. Maybe I'll think of something. Lefty walked away kicking the dirt. Oh. But don't give up hope, the manager says. Maybe I'll think of something. Lefty walked away kicking the dirt. Oh, man.

It stinks. He was obviously quite discouraged and the question is what could the manager think of that would allow him to win his 20th game

and collect his bonus money without throwing a single pitch? As the owner said, if Lefty throws a single pitch, you're going to be looking for a new job. Yeah, I can think of ways that that happens. And I know nothing about the game, so I am unencumbered by the thought process or the facts. Yeah, that's very good. Right, so he can't throw a single pitch or more than a single pitch. He can't throw any pitches, I think that would be.

And still win the game, get his $1,000. The manager, so the manager is going to sleaze by with the. Don't forget, he has to, they don't have to just win the game. He must be the winning pitcher. Of course, I understand that. I know immediately your pea brain is thinking, well, that's a pinch hitter. Yeah, you did think of that. That. Of course, I understand that. I know your pea brain is thinking, well, that's a pinch hitter. Yeah, you did think of that.

That was your answer, wasn't it? I know it was. No, no, no, he's got to be the winning pitcher, of course. Anyway, that's exactly what happens. Lefty does win the game, and your challenge is to find out... What are the circumstances under which this can happen? Exactly how he wins the game and his $1,000.

Wow. Now, if you think you know the answer or you have extra time at work and want to take a guess, either email it to us by visiting CarTalk.com on the World Wide Web or use the good old USPS, United States Postal Service, and send your answer to Puzzler Tower, Car Talk Plaza, Box 3500, Harvard Square, Cambridge. Our fair city. Math 02238. Now, by the way, if you just want to hear the puzzle again, if you want to scour it for clues,

which, of course, would be a complete waste of time because they're all hidden. It's also posted every week at CarTalk.com. Anyway, if we choose your correct answer at random and you catch us, we'll send you a copy of The best of Car Talk on Cassetto CD, which even Richard Simmons won't exercise to. If you want to call us, the number is 1-800-332-9287. Hello, you're on Car Talk. This is Max. Oh, no.

No, not Max. Max. Hey, you want to buy a schnauzer? I have a schnauzer. Yes, we know that. I couldn't believe how many animal lovers there is in this country. It's really the phone and the faxes didn't stop coming. Really?

And guess what? What? I just couldn't believe what happened. Guess what? I just couldn't believe what happened. A TV station from Great Britain that has a seven series of dog stories heard the story and they called me right away and they say, Max, we can't believe it. If you can get this English woman together with you to talk to her, you can get this English woman together with you to talk to her. We might put you with the English woman in one of these seven series.

I said, I'll try. And I called her. I called her, and she wasn't there. I called her sister. She said, Max, she was so lonely. She went back to England, and I can give you her phone number. I took her phone number, I called England, and she told me, Max, if you still have him, I want him. I can't take it anymore.

So she's coming back in two weeks, and I'm gladly giving her the dog. Hey, you know, we actually also, we must have gotten, how many phone calls did we get? Hundreds and hundreds. We actually also, we must have gotten, how many phone calls did we get? Hundreds and hundreds. We got hundreds and hundreds of phone calls and letters from people who wanted the schnauzer. Oh, you should see the faxes that I received. Unbelievable.

And my heart broke the way one wants it for his mother and one wants it for his son and one wants it because his dog dies. I have to send you those faxes. No, no, we have enough. We don't want any more. Okay, I'm on my way north. I'm so happy she's coming back and taking the dog. And I want you to thank all the people that really have this sense for animals. They're great people.

We have a great country and great people. Thank you for calling, and we will keep you posted. And I want to meet this English woman, too. That's what I want to do. When she'll come, we'll take picture of her with the two dogs, the dead one and the live one. That's what we want. Either way, you get your dog back. Thank you for calling, Max.

Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Max. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. I have to say that some of the mail we got suggested that Max was not being totally on the up and up with us and that he made up this whole story.

Good as it was. No, no. I don't think so. You don't think so? No. Okay. I mean, I know I'm gullible. What will prove it to us is the picture of the two dogs. Yeah. We want to see the dead one. If he does send us the picture, we will post it on CarTalk.com.

And the only way they can prove to us that the second dog is dead is by having a pork chop tied around the neck of the other dog. Well, you've squandered another perfectly good hour listening to Car Talk. Our esteemed producer is Doug the Subway Fugitive, not a slave to fashion, Punkin' Lips Berman. Our associate producer and dean of the College of Automusicology is Ken Babyface Rogers. Our engineer this week is Trish Anderton, and our technical advisor is John Bugsy, Sebastian, Mr. Heights, Sweet Cheeks, Free Lunch, Twinkle Toes, Hula Hips, Donut Breath, Two Gigabytes, Make That Three Triple Cheeseburgers, Lawler. Our public opinion pollster is Paul Murky of Murky Research, assisted by statistician Marge Inovera. Our automotive medical researcher is Dr. Denton Fender.

Our literary critics are Ernest and Julio Hemingway. Our jazz music coordinator is Bertha DeBlues. Our director of new product repair is Warren T. Myfoot. Our regional director in Atlanta is Bertha DeBlues. Our director of new product repair is Warren T. Myfoot. Our regional director in Atlanta is Frank Lee Scarlett. And our director of gender studies is Amanda B. Reckondwith. The designer of our casual clothing line is No Tai Wu. Our staff urologist is Willa Catheter. Our director of country music is Stan Byerman. The manager of CarTalk.com is Cy Burnett.

Oh, the chairman of our underemployment study group is Art Byerman. The manager of CarTalk.com is Cy Burnett. The chairman of our Underemployment Study Group is Art Majors. The director of our Psychic Network is LaToyota Jackson. Our fleet manager is Oscar DeLaRento. Our director of Cadillac Steering is Toulouse de Trac. Our staff marriage counselor is Marion Haste. Our Montana

Traffic Law Director is You Jim Bissell. You Jim Bissell? I know I had to explain this to you last week too. You Jim Bissell. You, Jim Bissell. I know I had to explain this to you last week, too. You, Jim Bissell. And he didn't get it. I know. Our producer's office is furnished by Rick Kleiner. And of course, our chief counsel from the law firm of Dewey, Cheatham & Howe is you, Louis Dewey, known to the other bums in Harvard Square as you, Louie Dewey. Thanks so much for listening. We're clicking clacks to tap it for us. And don't drive like my brother. Don't drive like my brother. We'll be back next week.

Bye-bye. Now, if you want a cassette copy of this week's show, which is show number 15, you can order one on the World Wide Web through the Shameless Commerce Division at cartalk.com or order one by phone at 303-823-8000. You can order the best of Car Talk the same way. Click on the shameless commerce division at CarTalk.com or call 303-823-8000. And don't forget, that best of Car Talk comes with our unconditional money-back guarantee. We guarantee that you won't get your money back under any conditions.

Car Talk is a production of Dewey, Cheatham & Howe and WBUR in Boston. And even though billions and billions of people, including Carl Sagan, shake their heads in disgust when they hear us say it, this is NPR National Public Radio. With NPR+, there's more to hear, like extended interviews with some of the experts we talk to at Planet Money and The Indicator. It's a mistake for economists to only

think about economic efficiency when considering policies because you'll actually wind up with a worse outcome. And with NPR Plus, you help keep NPR going. Learn more at plus.npr.org. I'm Jesse Thorne. Why did Cola Scola write a bonkers, extremely fictionalized play about Mary Todd Lincoln? Well, you know, it was 2020 and we were all so isolated. I just started doing research. But the truth is, no, I just thought of it. We'll talk about that and more on Bullseye from MaximumFun.org and NPR. On NPR's ThruLine.

We cannot function for 24 hours without COBOL because it's in our smartphone, our tablet, our laptop. And as a consequence, the lives of the people living in that part of the Congo descended into just a catastrophe.