The Best of Car Talk - #2438: Canine Mobile Eructations

Episode Date: May 14, 2024

Longtime friend of the show and self-described rotund raconteur Daniel Pinkwater stops by to share his wisdom on the subject of doggie carsickness on this episode of the Best of Car Talk.Get access to hundreds of episodes in the Car Talk archive when you sign up for Car Talk+ at plus.npr.org/cartalkLearn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

I'm Rachel Martin. You probably know how interview podcasts with famous people usually go. There's a host, a guest, and a light Q&A, but on Wild Card we have ripped up the typical script. It's a new podcast from NPR where I invite actors, artists, and comedians to play a game using a special deck of cards to talk about some of life's biggest questions. Listen to Wild Card wherever you get your podcasts, only from NPR. Hello and welcome to Card Talk on National Public Radio with us, Click and Clack the Tappet brothers and we're broadcasting this week from Vowel Drop headquarters here at Car Talk Plaza. I mean I can't tell you how much response we have. This one came to us from via email actually to our website from David Weber or as it's listed in his byline. This is another news release.

Unprecedented response greets call for vowels for Bosnia. Beaming with joy, 10-year-old Jen Hollahan dashed down the steps of City Hall here yesterday into the waiting arms of her proud parents, Ellen and Bob Hollahan. The Hollahans were among the millions of Americans who have responded president bill clinton's plea for donations of vowels to bosnia despite the bitter refusal of congressional republicans to support the measure this country cannot be the alphabet to the world declared speaker of the house newt gingrich

ordinary citizens have nevertheless flooded local collection centers with contributions operation vol storm proposed by the president late last year's has resulted in the deployment of more than seventy five thousand a's e's eyes o's and u's to war ravaged cities of the former uist lobby alike with the good sleep to do and global now here's the interesting part

this shows you the kind of people that we americans are jen hollahan part. This shows you the kind of people that we Americans are. Jen Hollahan, who spent the first decade of her life as Jeannie O'Hullahan, said she was inspired by the example of Chels Clinton. But Jen was among the relatively small group of Americans who could boast of having donated every one of the major follows i gave an eye and he and all and a u myself said her mother the former eileen all the hand three two but that was all i felt i could really afford

her husband rob thirty six was also apologetic i know there are many bosnians in desperate needy said but elin put her foot down she insisted our family had done enough already and that she wasn't gonna spend the rest of her life calling me but I mean it tells you what kinds of people we Americans are I mean are the French doing this of those French sending any vowels? The French wouldn't send squat The French are sending nothing right there keeping it all for themselves. They mean you think they couldn't spare a little more

No, you know they could do it, but no no no we Americans We're all hot and I'm proud proud to be an American and a candidate for the presidency 9 to 8 7 great to be in the White House you're gonna come and visit me and I'm gonna throw you the hell out 9 to 8 7 hello, you're on car talk. Yes, I know it well. And the weather's wonderful. Of course. The daffodils are blooming. Yes.

And my car is harmonic. Daffodils. Now get this. Now just you said daffodils and all of a sudden it kicked in. I wandered lonely as a cloud Rolls on high or veils and hills when all this once I saw a crowd a host of golden daffodils Beside the brook beneath the trees fluttering and dancing at the breeze for oft one on my house Vacant or impensive merman help me they flash upon that that inward eye which is the bliss of solitude.

I am truly impressed. Thanks for calling. Did you see that Manchurian candidate? You know, when my brother went to grade school, I guess they did really improve education between the time he went and the time I went. They didn't have grade school when I was going Well when you went I guess they used to tie you kids up Yeah, what do they do electric shock therapy

So Eric, what's on your mind man? Well, I've got a I drive an 87 sob 9000 turbo. thousand turbo it's got at eighty six thousand miles on it and uh... when i'm you know cruise about the parkway and there's a large truck coming by the kind of squeeze me out uh... and i go to accelerate and i'm you know cruising yet

seventy seventy five thousand dollars just under the speed limit yeah there you go always what want to observe the law. And then I get off of accelerator and just for an instant. Should we initiate the discussion about what your next car is going to be now or should we wait and see? But here's what you do. When the engine's ice cold, pop the hood, bend over and kiss the turbo goodbye. Really?

Because it's going into la la land is that what the founder yeah know that said I'm glad you're taking it so well now any idea what one of those cost to replace oh yeah more than you got if you drive it a bit better well that's pretty obvious. Well, there are obviously various ways to go. You could get a used one, you can get a new one, you can get a rebuilt one, but I would

expect that you're going to spend, at the very least, $700 or $800 if you went the cheapest route, which is a used one, but probably double that or more to get a reconditioned one. But the truth is that this is pretty low mileage for this car this is a very very nice car I do you love this car I do yeah this is a very nice car I agree for I love it yeah it's paid for and a couple thousand bucks even if it came to that big deal you gotta just do it you bite the bullet you just go ahead right the

real heartbreak will be when after you've done this transmission goes but but what the heck you can't predict everything there's nothing now is there anything that I could have done to avoid this or is that just part of well you could have changed the oil probably more frequently you also could have cooled the turbo off especially you may have read in the book it's advisable when you shut the engine down if you've been driving it hard. Right now he's saying book? What book?

War and Peace? What are you talking about? No I actually do that, the cool down. Well you do. You do, well good that did huh? Well there you go, so much for the book I read it. I mean that's really the only thing you have to do. When you've been driving at high speeds when you come to a stop

And you're ready to shut it off you really ought to sit there for Like a half a minute, which is an awfully long time when you got nothing else to do or have to go to the bathroom I have to go to the bathroom. Then a half a minute is is an intern in minutes So if you've been doing that then you've done everything that you could have done. It was out of your hands. It was just the cheap junk that they did over there in Sweden. You may be able to go for months and months like this. In fact, you're going to drive it until it conks out, the turbo that is.

Right. So let us know how long it goes. Now here's the question. What happens when the turbo gives out? Does the engine stop or do you just lose horsepower? Well, I mean, many things can happen, the worst of which is that the turbo can suck the engine oil out. That would be bad. You've heard of Dracula? It's a similar kind of phenomenon. So, I mean, when it happens, you've got to fix it like that day. You don't get weeks

to think about it. But will I be able to get home when it happens? Yes, the tow truck will be able to get you home after he drops your car off at the dealership. Remind me to pay my triple A bill. Pay your triple A, get two of them in fact. I just don't want you to go away thinking that you've been a nice guy about this and you've been somehow subjected to some horrible fate because the truth of the matter is that you did this by driving 75 miles an hour all the time is that what does it

flooring it because you have been you've been using that turbo yeah that's what these eighty six thousand miles the turbos probably been engaged for eighty five five of them but what fun I've had well that's good I'm happy for you. Did you have $2,000 worth of fun? Yes! More than that right? Great! Great! Thanks for calling Eric. Good luck. Thank you very much. See you later. Bye bye. He just hung up the phone and said $2,000! I'm selling this dog! We'll be right back with the answer to the puzzler right after these very important messages. Jasmine Morris here from the StoryCorps Podcast. Our latest season is called My Way, stories of people who found a rhythm all their own

and marched to it throughout their lives. Consequences and other people's opinions be damned. You won't believe the courage and audacity in these stories. Hear them on the StoryCorps podcast from NPR. Drake and Kendrick Lamar have been lobbing some serious accusations at each other. You've probably heard the diss tracks and wondered, what's just a low blow and what's actually criminal? I'm Brittany Luce, host of It's Been A Minute from NPR, and I'm getting into what's art

and what's worthy of criminal investigation and who those accusations hurt the most on It's Been A Minute from NPR. Numbers that explain the economy. We love them at the indicator from Planet Money, and on Fridays we discuss indicators in the news like job numbers Spending the cost of food sometimes all three so my indicator is about why you might need to bring home more bacon to afford your eggs Oh, I'll be here all week wrap up your week and listen to the indicator podcast from NPR on the code switch podcast Conversations about race don't start and stop with the new cycle.

We know that race is always relevant, and we have new topics, new voices, and new stories for you every single week. Listen to the Code Switch podcast from NPR. All right, so what was last week's puzzler, man? You don't even know, because you don't have it written down. I don't. No. Okay, here it is That's the deal with Krusty remember him. No our old mechanic our old trusty Krusty Yeah, this little incident happened when Krusty first started working for us at the garage now if you remember he used to drive like a 55 Chevy pickup or some such heap

Real beast jacked up the back wheel there you go. I I remember it. Anyway, one day, our work day is finished and old Krusty is out in the street with his pickup truck and he's got the right rear wheel jacked up with his little hydraulic jack. Okay, he's got the wheel off the ground and the lug wrench in his hand. I'm on my way home, ready to start up my Conestoga wagon and I ask, hey, what's up, man?

You got a flat? And he says, no, I don't. And then he mumbled something which I can't quite make out but it sounded like grumble, grumble, grr, starter motor, more grumbling, battery, grr, grumble, grumble, grumble, late for dinner. Well, I know he was a grumbling, bumbling old fool, so I just said, OK, man, see you later.

I give him the mechanic's shrug, and I get in my car and I drive away. And as I do, I notice that I can his he's let the truck back down to the ground He's actually driving away. I can tell by the huge cloud of blue smoke Coming out his tailpipe. Yeah, what was he doing? When what were these mumblings all about? You know what he was up to? Very good. Well what he was up to was the following His starter motor had conked out or his battery was dead or some such thing and he indeed was late for dinner and he knew we didn't have time to bring the truck in and charge the battery and besides we didn't have a six-volt

battery charger anymore anyway and he didn't have time to certainly change the starter motor and he decided that this was the easiest way to get the thing started. He jacked it up. Yeah. Okay. One wheel. One wheel. Put the thing in gear. Turn the switch on. And grab the lug wrench and use the lug wrench like you would a crank. Jump started it. He got that right rear wheel to turn and those pistons started moving and boom.

And what really happened. Whoa, that's good. Now what I didn't find out until later is he forgot to take it out of gear before He let the jack down what I saw was the truck going down Who's our winner winner is Tom Carpel from Grafton, North Dakota and for being our winner this week Tom gets his very own copy of the best of car talk on CD Which makes an excellent dog frisbee after you've listened to it one time you just whip that baby out and that dog exercise

exercise now by the way if you didn't win the puzzler and you want a copy of the best of car talk you can always get one at car talk comm on the worldwide web or by calling car talks shameless commerce division whose number is three zero three eight two three eight thousand I asked you not to say whose all by calling Card Talk's Shameless Commerce Division, whose number is 303-823-8000. I asked you not to say whose number is. I asked you that several times now. You insist on persisting. Shameless Commerce Division, where the number is, or the number of which is. The number of which is. That's better.

The number of which is. The number of which is is 30 of witches is 303 million eight hundred twenty three thousand eight thousand Anyway, we have a brand new puzzle coming up during the second half of today's show So stay tuned for that in the meantime if you'd like to call us our numbers 1-800-332-9287 Hello, you're on car talk. Hi. This is Ellen from New York City Ellen. Yes. What's up? How are you guys does New York City. Ellen! Yes! What's up? How are you guys? Does New York City actually mean like Manhattan?

Manhattan, Greenwich Village. No kidding. Isn't that... I didn't know that people actually lived there. So what's up, Ellen? Well, this is my problem. I am getting married in two months. That's not the problem.

Well, it may be, but... Well, the problem is that, okay and we have a night we bought a ninety four but chevrolet blazer full-size we bought it new in nineteen ninety four yeah and i'm my boyfriend tend to be a husband uh... keep on adding deep hype quote high-performance uh... computer chip power pelt police and things that are supposed to make the car perform better.

Of course. Like low restriction exhaust system, headers. Exactly. Upgraded headlight bulbs. Oh yeah, yeah, he's probably changed the computer prom. We love all that stuff. You do? No we don't.

Oh good. When he tells you about it, does he grunt a lot? Grrr, grrr, grrr, Eleanor. you don't know we don't but that i think it tells you about it does he grunt the lower r l and r r r needed to put the right and he read that um... car that truck magazines and then look in the back and called all the places in california the purchase uh... you're marrying this guy i'm not about it you should be

nervous about it this is more than nervous about it usually on a plane well i think i think you know i he needs to be stopped and i i was hoping that you could um... do some intervention to you on proof to him that these things really don't help the car or do they

and i think that i have a well it's it is that that's not even the question it doesn't matter whether they help the car they don't help the car what matters is that he's interested in this. Well, I mean, this guy has got serious problems. Well, he's interested in cars. I mean, I can respect that. You're interested in cars.

Not really. No, we're not. No, we're interested in people. Cars just happen to be a vehicle. A vehicle for talking to people. No, I mean, do you two have anything in common? We have lots of things in common. Like what? Well, we... Besides the obvious. We do it. We share the same interest. We like... Well, you know, he's interested in K5 Blazers. And

you're not. No, I like the car. I love the car. But he's interested in high performance. Has he got those big fat wheels yet? No, please. Those are next. No, he doesn't have any. What do you think he is, some kind of Neanderthal? No, he doesn't have any complexes like that. Oh, okay.

He likes speed in his car, and I guess he thinks it's gonna make the mileage improve. And I think it's made the car worse. No, no, none of these things are designed to make the mileage improve and I think it's made the car worse. No, no, none of these things are designed to make the mileage improve and he doesn't care about the mileage. Some of them are. Well, what does he care about?

He cares about- Power. Yes, that's what it is, it's a power game. And that's why I ask you if you really wanna marry this guy. I do. This guy is into power, power. So, give us the list,

forget about the blazer for a second because that'll become unimportant in a minute. Okay. What else do you think you have in common? Well, what do we have in common? Theater. Are you theater goers? Yes. Does he like the theater?

We like the theater. Good. We like the same movies. We like going to concerts. Movies, concerts. We like to travel. Monster truck rallies? No. No.

Does he have a latent desire to attend monster truck rallies? I think he does, but I vetoed that. Well, you know, you've got to be careful about vetoing stuff. You've got to be careful about that stuff. You cannot change someone's basic nature. Yeah, and that's what you called us to do. You said, can we talk them out of this? No, you must accommodate and embrace the blazer

I love the blazer. No, no with all of its hair brained gas saving power Enhancing modifications. Yeah, you get you started this by saying we bought a 94 blazer. So this belongs to both of you Uh-huh. Yeah, here's a soon responsibility for making it a real vehicle Yeah, he's a sooner responsibility being making it a real vehicle. Yeah. Mm-hmm. He's a similar responsibility for augmenting the power, making it more fuel efficient,

and spending in the process thousands of dollars on these accessories, which he could never get back unless he drove it to like the moon and back. I mean, he could be spending that money on precious jewelry for you. I know. Yeah. Precious gems, as we call them. Or lengthy vacations in warm climates. Well, we get to do that too.

Oh, you do? Yeah. So you don't begrudge him the money that he spends on this vehicle yet? Well, I want to put a stop to it because last week I noticed that he bought two more truck magazines. Yeah, yeah. And I think he's looking to purchase something. You have to understand right now that you are not going to talk him out of this.

You like dogs too? Yeah, we love dogs. Great. Oh, is that your boyfriend? No, that's the reason why we bought the big truck because we take trips with our dogs. Yeah. I mean, if this is the only thing he does that bothers you, you should be a very satisfied woman. Yeah I mean it sounds like you love this guy. I love him I do. I can't wait to get married. Well

that's great. Well forget about what he does to the blazer. Let him just do it. Make them just say great hon. Another another high performance chip eh? I think that's great hon. Yeah I think you should actually encourage him a little bit more. I don't think you're being too negative. Oh, okay, okay. So the next time he spends like $70 on spark plugs, I should, um... It's nothing.

You should tell him how wonderful you think he is for doing that. Yeah. Thank him for taking care of the vehicle that jointly belongs to you. Okay. That's my advice. And how special you feel.

That helps. That's gonna save us a lot of money on marriage counseling. It. That's going to save us a lot of money on marriage counseling. It is. It is going to save you a lot of money on marriage counseling. I wish I had had advice like this. I wish my wife had had advice like this. I mean, she's constantly trying to get me to stop all my little hobbies. Okay, I can appreciate this.

This is very useful. Hey, thanks for calling, Ellen. You're a great person. I wish you the very very best. Thank you so much. See you Ellen. Bye bye. We'll be right back with more calls and the new puzzle right after these important messages. It's Been A Minute is a culture show you don't want to miss. Every week, we help you see the culture angle behind the headlines, the forces behind the trends, and the thinkers behind the next big thing. Tune in for the sharp cultural analysis and captivating interviews.

Listen now to the It's Been A Minute podcast from NPR. can get a better grasp of one important topic and what it means for you in a couple of minutes. Sign up for free at npr.org slash consider this newsletter. On the TED Radio Hour, in the middle school cafeteria, Ty Tashiro always sat with his equally nerdy buddies. The socially awkward kids who were the furthest thing from cool. And he often wondered, why am I so socially awkward? And what am I going to do about that? Now, Ty is a psychologist and expert on awkwardness. And he has some answers. That's on the TED radio hour from NPR. On the Code Switch podcast, conversations about race and identity don't begin or end with the news cycle. That's because we know race and

identity impact every person and influence every story. We're getting into all of it with new voices each week on the Code Switch Podcast from NPR. Hi, we're back. You're listening to Car Talk on National Public Radio with us, clicking clack the tappet brothers, and we're here to discuss cars, car repair, and billboards and the world economy. Again, I mean, I know we're talking about billboards a lot, but there are so many intricacies to this theory. This is from Nick Curzon, who says he's from our fair city. Where is he from?

Cambridge, Massachusetts. Yes, your discussion about the ability of billboards to act as sails, catching and pushing the earth, more like a paddle wheel actually, raises that ever-automous specter of corporate conspiracy. It would seem that the money-making power of billboards lies not in their messages, but in their collective ability to actually speed up the rotation of the earth. Days are getting shorter. 24 hours don't go so far anymore. A sort of

temporal inflation. Think about this. With the days coming quicker and quicker, more toothpaste and other essentials of the daily routine will get consumed faster and corporate CEOs can make a life and a half's worth of profits in one lifetime because they only have Of course we get to listen to click and clack more too, but hey wait a minute Nick Curzon of our faith. He's right about this. Yes. Absolutely. I mean If you woke up tomorrow morning, and it was only four o'clock in the morning you'd brush your teeth again You'd get up take another shower. Use your What's that stuff you use dial spring?

Irish spring now with a bar of Irish pretty good hand. It's like taking a shower The next day it's three o'clock in the morning and pretty soon And pretty soon... You're on a two-face. You're gonna go out on the 7-Eleven? You don't know what time it is, cause they're open all night anyway. Nick is a conspiracist. Nick, I think you're on to something, buddy. Yeah, he's on to something.

I think you're on something, buddy. Alright, here's the new puzzler. I'm gonna make it short and sweet. Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on here. Weekly Puzzler Remembering Form. Yes, sir-ee-bop. This is show number 39. It's short whoa whoa hold on here weekly puzzler remembering form yes sir E bob This is show number 39. This is the date and the key phrase okay? I gotta check off folk historic Yeah, this came to me Folkloric historic category pathetic

And then a blank oric Cal orc very Very good, Matt. Very good. Matt, you're no good. All right, go. All right, this comes to me via Doug Berman and Mark the Shark Kowalski, our crack bookkeeper for Do We Cheat Him and How? Dougie is sitting down in an attempt to balance, it was tax time recently, a few weeks ago,

and Dougie's balancing the checkbook and Mark is sitting there and he's got the I guess he's looking over papers and he's got the statement and he says okay Dougie what do you come up with and Dougie says I come up with the give them the number Mark says wrong number oh and Doug says oh so our checkbook doesn't match with the bank statement there you go gotcha so Doug oh man, I'm going to have to add this whole thing all over again. And Mark says, well, wait a minute, how much were you off by? And Dougie says, let me see, we were off by, we were off by 27 bucks. And Mark says, oh, you don't have to go and add it all over again.

He said, I know what you did. No wonder they call him Mark the Shark. Oh, that isn't why. I didn't think so. He says, I know what you did. He said you transposed two numbers. How did he know that? That's exactly the question. No!

That was exactly my question. How did he know that? Sure enough, Burmy goes back and checks and he had transposed the numbers where there was supposed to be a 74, he had written 47. And he found it just like that. Just like that. Thanks to Mark the Shark Gowalski. What did Mark know that you don't?

We could say what does Mark know that Dougie doesn't know, but then people would be sending us tomes. We have to keep this down to postcard size. In this particular case, what did Mark know that Dougie didn't know? Now if you think you know the answer or you have extra time at work and just want to take a guess, either email it to us by visiting Cartalk.com on the World Wide Web or use the good old U.S. mail and send your answer to Puzzler Tower, Kartok Plaza, Box 3500, Harvard Square, Cambridge, Alifacity, Math 02238. By the way, if you just want to hear the puzzler or read it

again it's also posted every week at kartok.com. Anyway, if we choose your correct answer at random and you catch us we'll send you a copy of the best of Kartok on cassette or CD. If you'd like to call us our number is 1-800-332-9287 hello you're on car talk this is Daniel somewhere in New York State no no not Daniel P yes it is I hi Dan we haven't heard from you anything the last time we heard from you was when you told us about no the last time about you about your BMW owners manual and I was telling you told us about No, the last time about you about your BMW

owner's manual and I was telling you how to do proper access By the way, this is Daniel Pinkwater for those of you that haven't recognized his voice I recognize this voice right away Hey, what makes you call us, Daniel? As you may know, as a commentator on all things considered Oh, that's what you do I have a profound understanding of everything yeah of course what is more or at least you think so also allowed to ask Robert Siegel up to four questions

a year get out that's good time I like to call you to discuss an important issue yes and I have one I have an important issue that's what's going to your attention thank you this is the question of canine mobile eric patient excuse me canine this is where it's doggy car sickness

when you're spits spits up uh... what what what the labrador lobs what what when your peak pukes when the whippet whoops this is not generally known but i am a recognized dog expert are you really i'm recognized around here by dogs are recognized we they say

there goes that that so be but sometimes they say there goes that dog expert and i don't see it mentioned when you're beagle bars but that's a that's good when you're going to retrieve a retchis uh... the series of the series problem was it is many dole it how about when you're

husky world uh... we can do this all day it's not a joke when you're rock by lorrie the drop his cable down the back of your neck that they can express when you're rottweiler ralph i'm sorry that i don't trying to carry on a serious discussion. This is an important question of our time.

What's the question though? Well, this isn't a question. I'm going to inform you. I'm telling you this. I'm sharing this with you and your listeners because I've researched this. Okay. So we can like just sit back and start and stop interrupting. Yeah. Oh, no feel free to join I wanted to tell you about the three cardinal signs of doggie car sickness. Oh warning signals warning signs one The dog will get a stupid or stupider expression on his face I have a golden retriever and he couldn't

look any stupider than he looks already. Check him in the rear view he's gonna get this silly look. Now that's one. B, the dog will begin to salivate and drool and dribble and slobber copiously. When this combines with one, the silly expression, condition red. Roman numeral three. The dog pops his lunch on the velour upholstery and now you know that your dog is suffering from car sickness. Ah, so that is the telltale side. I've gone over the literature. Now unfortunately when you notice the three warning signs, the dog is already conditioned. I noticed that.

He's going to launch his biscuits when the car is moving. So the dog experts suggest that it's best to make the dog think of the car as a friendly place before the symptoms appear, because once he gets the idea that it's a rolling vomitorium your chances get slim yeah so one thing you can do is take him into the stationary car for brief periods play with him bring him a treat you know you can even have him eat his supper in the Lexus every night yes all the dog books suggest you do this. I have yet to hear of a case in which it works All right now the next method is to take the pooch for short rides Maybe just the length of the driveway then get him out of the car before he starts to get upset

The idea here is repeated experiences which are pleasant will cause him to forget all about being sick This doesn't work either Yeah, but here's something I tried which had partial success with a red chow chow named Ziggy Ziggy was extremely motion sensitive What I did was sit in the back seat with him while my wife drove and I fed him Haagen-dazs out of little dixie cups with a wooden spoon Distracted him as long as I fed him hog and dash out of little dixie cups with a wooden spoon distracted him as long as i've had a my screen he didn't get sector trick of course was not to run out of ice cream before arriving or he'd give it all back

wouldn't that be gross after after experiments like this we try to without he was happy and alert he was merely puzzles we didn't get his fudge ripple and then of course he threw up good news is that most of the time doggy car sickness will go away by itself usually after about a year to a year and a half i've noticed that so by this time you will have ceased noticing

that the inside of the car smells like the inside of the dog. If you made a good choice of upholstery, the color won't clash with Alpo. Now, I wish to tell you a story, a personal experience. My Malamute Juno was a very poor passenger. And one day we found ourselves with time to kill at the intersection of Tremont and Jerome avenues in the Bronx And there's an establishment called Richard of the Bronx Sounds like a hairdresser. It was it was a showroom and what they had it was an unofficial Uncertified or defrocked?

Citroen showroom. Oh, really? Parked in front was a Citroen, I think it was a DS20, an interesting car. And now, during this period, I was suffering from French car syndrome. You may remember my theory of displaced misery. You remember that?

Ah, I certainly do. This is a theory which proposes that car syndrome you may remember my theory of displaced misery remember that uh... i certainly do this is a theory which which proposes that only a certain amount of misery can come into a life and if you own a french car that sort of fills your quota yes if you own to reno you will never even catch a cold. Yeah, yeah, I like this theory, by the way. It's a theory which has been proven, and this story sort of touches on it, because about

the third time we strolled past Richard of the Bronx Citroen cars, Richard himself came out, a nice-looking, well-spoken man friendly instantly one like him and he said i see you looking at this fine french luxury car why don't you take a ride and i explained i'm not really in the market i'm just killing some time i know he said here are the keys it's in my way is blocking the driveway just take it

i don't know about my dog is with me as she tends to become upset. It doesn't matter. I said, really? He said, no, no, no, please, I want you to enjoy it. Here are the keys. I'm here until eight, just drive. I find myself in the car.

I start it up. I pull out into traffic. The dog is smiling what we drive i get onto an expressway we we to or the bronx the dog is looking out the window she's completely she was completely non non

eruptive excellent i returned to richard of the of the Bronx and I heard myself say I mean This is actually the the of the heartbreak of French car syndrome. I heard myself say is it possible that I could own this car? Isn't it something huh? I don't have to tell you that it I had nothing but the most diabolical trouble with it. I never got 50 miles out of town without a hydraulic failure. The dog, however, was never car sick again in any car. So I actually have, it's somewhat of a, it's a rather, it's a rather exquisite treatment for a canine mobile erectation, but what you do

is get ahold of a Citroen and drive the dog around. Well, there still is a use then for French vehicles. Albeit limited. Well, Daniel, this has been most elucidating. I'm glad to be of help. Well, thanks for the call, Dan. Well, I'm happy to be a service and we would like to be a justly await your next call

and i'm going to do you mind if i put your theory of displaced misery up on the website i think you should i think we should because we're getting a lot of interesting theories and i'd like to see how many people agree with this excellent great this is the end of the Bye now always a pleasure for me, too What does he do for a living is this what he does calls people on the phone and he asks questions He comments he comments and commentator sure well You've squandered another perfectly good hour listening to car talk our esteemed producer is Doug the subway fugitive not a slave to fashion

Don't we know that? pumpkin lips bourbon our Subway Fugitive, Not a Slave to Fashion, don't we know that. Pumpkin Lips, Burman, our Associate Producer and Dean of the College of Autonomous Ecology is Ken Babyface. Roger is our Engineer and Assistant Producer. There's Jennifer Travel and Leisure Loeb. And our Technical Advisor is John Bugsy, Sebastian, Mr. Height, Sweet Cheeks, Free Lunch, Twinkle Toes, Hula Hips, Donut Breath, 2 Gigabytes, Make That 3 Triple Cheeseburgers, Lawler. Our Public Opinion Poster is Paul Murky of Murky Research, assisted by statistician Marge and O'Veara.

Our automotive medical researcher is Dr. Denton Fender. Our director of new product repair is Warranty My Foot. Our regional director in Atlanta is Frank Lee Scarlett. And our director of gender studies is Amanda Bee Reckonedwith. Our space allocation manager is Al Cove. The designer of our casual clothing line is No Tai Wu. And our staff urologist is Willa Catheter.

Our director of country music is Stan Byerman. The chairman of our under-employment study group is Art Majors. The co-chairman of our apathy study group are Ben There and Dawn That. The director of the Car Talk Psychic Network is La Toyota Jackson. Our fleet manager is Oscar DeLaRentil. Our staff marriage counselor is Marion Haste. Our producer's office is furnished by Rick Kleiner. And of course, our chief counsel from the law firm of Dewey, Cheetah, and Howe is you,

Louis Dewey, known to the emerging spring bums in Harvard Square as you, Louis Dewey. Thanks so much for listening. We're Click and Clack the Tablet Brothers, and don't drive like my brother. Don't drive like my brother. We'll be back next week. Bye-bye. at 303-823-8000. Wow, you can also order the best of Car Talk and other useless garbage the same way. Click on the shameless commerce division at CarTalk.com or call 303-823-8000 and don't forget that that best of Car Talk CD comes with our unconditional money back guarantee.

You won't get your money back under any conditions that we can think of. Car Talk is a production of Dewey, Cheetahman Howe and WBUR in Boston. And even though Madonna blushes when she hears us say it, this is NPR National Public Radio. From the campaigns to the conventions, from now through election day and beyond, the NPR Politics Podcast has you covered. As Joe Biden and Donald Trump square off again, we bring you the latest news from the trail and dive deep into each candidate's goals for a second term. Listen to the MPR politics podcast every weekday. Every weekday, MPR's best political reporters come to you on the MPR politics podcast to

explain the big news coming out of Washington, the campaign trail and beyond. We don't just want to tell you what happened. We tell you why it matters. Join the NPR Politics podcast every single afternoon to understand the world through political eyes. Here at Planet Money, we bring complex economic ideas down to Earth. We find weird, fun, interesting stories that explain the way money shapes our lives. Inflation, recessions, the price of gas, we've got you. Listen now to the Planet Money podcast from NPR.