The Best of Car Talk - #2438: The Volvo Wagon Blues

Episode Date: May 11, 2024

Liz has it so bad with her Volvo that she's giving us the details in a sad song, and Marietta's got the blues because her toddler has jammed his binky into the seat adjustment motor. Sing along with this episode of the Best of Car Talk.Get access to hundreds of episodes in the Car Talk archive when you sign up for Car Talk+ at plus.npr.org/cartalkLearn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

I'm Rachel Martin. You probably know how interview podcasts with famous people usually go. There's a host, a guest, and a light Q&A, but on Wildcard we have ripped up the typical script. It's a new podcast from NPR where I invite actors, artists, and comedians to play a game using a special deck of cards to talk about some of life's biggest questions. Listen to Wildcard wherever you get your podcasts, only from NPR. Hello and welcome to Car Talk on National Public Radio with us, Click and Clack, the Tappert Brothers. And we're broadcasting this week from the My Cup Holder Runneth Over division here at Car Talk Plaza. Now, here's a story that we've been following for many years. And if you remember, we were on the front lines or front line or something like that,

leading the rest of the national press in breaking this story. You remember that? I certainly do. I remember that we pointed out, what was that vehicle? A Chevy Lumina wagon. Yes, it was. Minivan. Yes.

And we pointed out that in the fully deployed position, all seats down. Shields up. Shields up. There were, in that vehicle, count them, how many were there? I think 17. No, there were 13. There were 13 because it was slightly fewer than two cups per person, except all the people wouldn't be able to sit down because all the seats had to be down. So with the only two people, it was almost seven cups per person. And now we have, in fact, we had it filled up.

We had Grey Poupon mustard in one. Here it is, straight out of automotive news, April 8th issue. Chevy... This is news. Chevy declares cup holder coup. Do we need a... John Middlebrook, the new general manager of Chevrolet, declared victory in the minivan cup holder war at last week's New York International Auto Show. The Chevrolet Venture.

What is that? Is that a new vehicle? We didn't even see that one yet. The Chevrolet Venture has 17, count them, 17 compared to a mere 8 on the Chrysler Corporation minivans. The victory left Middlebrook in a magnanimous mood. Wowzie. We should sign a cup holder truce and get on with our lives, he said. Sure, they want to sign the truce.

Sure, now that they've won the war. The coveted award. They have not heard the last word, I'm sure. Not from Chrysler, the men of smoke and mirrors? Are you kidding? Come on, Lutz, you can do it. Bob Lutz, the chairperson of Chrysler Corporation, will not sit down on this one. He will not lie down dead and roll over. He will come back, I predict. You do, eh? Well, I predict if we give out this number, we'll get a phone call.

Go ahead. 1-800-332-9287. Hello, you're on Car Talk. Got a Volvo out in the driveway. And when I drive, it veers off to the right. Now the dealer, he could not fix it. I'm hoping you can help me see the light. This 86 wagon's giving me grief.

In you I have immense belief. Come on, flick and clack, you got to come through. Tell me just what I should do. Hey! Hey! Who's this? I'm Liz. I'm calling from New Haven. New Haven?

You're calling from Nashville. No, no, no. I did steal the tune from a Nashville song. Gee, that was very good, Liz. You've got a future here. You too. Doing what? I know not, but you have a future of some kind. An 86 what wagon? Volvo. An 86 what?

A 240. Oh, a 240. Yeah. Okay. And it pulls to the right. 240 DL. Yeah, it pulls to the right. Pulls to the right.

Yeah, I took it. That's the most interesting question we've ever had. I mean, the most interesting presentation of a question. So who do you work for, Liz? Are there any other verses? No, that's it. That was it, huh? I teach kindergarten, really.

That's my day job. And you sing country and western at night? Well, no. You cruise the bars? What do you do? No, I wish I had a job singing country and western. Well, you're not going to believe this, but I'm sure the talent agents will be calling us in the morning. Well, thank you.

Wanting to find out who was that. Thank you for my number. We will give you the number. Who golden-throated Liz is. All right, so you drive this 86-240DL. Yeah, I just got it in the beginning of February. And I took it to be aligned because the dealer had to do something to it. And when they were done, it needed this alignment.

So I took it to be aligned. And the tire place that aligned it couldn't align it. You know, they couldn't make their computer numbers match up. Uh-huh. Why, did they say? It says in big letters at the bottom of that printout, the manufacturer does not specify a front caster adjustment. Right. And they said, gee, there's nothing we can do.

So I took it to the dealer, back to the dealer where I bought it, because it was still under warranty, and they adjusted a few things, but they couldn't tell me what, because when I went to pick it up, the man who had done the work had gone to Santo Domingo. Extradition or what? No, deported. So I really don't know what they did, but it still, you know, it still does this pull.

Not as terribly as originally, but I can't imagine it's good for the car to drive it. And it pulls as you're driving along on a straightaway? Yeah, you're driving along and you sort of let go of the steering wheel, it goes... Yeah, no, it's pulling because they can't get the wheels lined up, and they can't get them lined up because there's no caster adjustment provided for it. There's no way to move the top of the strut assembly. And the reason that this is occurring is that this car has been in an accident of some kind. Ah.

Probably, but in an accident. I see. Yeah, and? And something got bent. Either the strut got bent or the strut tower got bent, the thing that the strut attaches to, and it's now made the thing unalignable. Do you think I was duped here? Well, how long ago did you buy this vehicle?

Well, just the beginning of this past February. Did you compose a song for them? No, but I think she's working on it. Yeah, I mean, this is too bad, but it's probably enough of a reason to go get your money back. Really? Well, at least ask them. I mean, if in fact the frame is bent, it can be straightened. If the strut is bent, the strut can be replaced.

So it's fixable. Is it? Oh, sure. Yeah. I mean, I would think so, unless it was so badly bent and they really can't straighten it at all, in which case you'll have to get your money back. But if it's only a slight pull, my guess is... It's only a slight pull.

It's not terrible. And the warranty is up. So it would be kind of a fight for me to get my money back, I think. Although it was an existing problem beforehand, I guess. Sure it was. I mean, I would maybe go to an alignment specialist in your fair city of New Haven. Yeah. And ask them to give you a definitive answer on what it is that's making it out of alignment.

Okay. And then go back to the dealer and say, hey, look, this is what these guys said. Fix it. Okay. And if they say no, then you call Dewey, Cheatham, and Howell. We'll send our crack legal experts down there to New Haven. The leg breakers. Yeah.

Vinnie Wombats, and we'll take care of it. Okay. Something is bent. Okay. And they're trying to, I mean, they probably put like 80 pounds of air in that right front tire. Okay. They probably adjusted the emergency brake on the, they probably put like 80 pounds of air in that right front tire. Okay. They probably adjusted the emergency brake on the left rear wheel really tight so it drags.

They're hoping to create a compensation effect. Is that really a trick that they did? No, well, yeah, well, I suppose. There are lots of little tricks there. Yeah, and we are bound by the secret society to which we belong, not to divulge any more than that. Oh, I see. You know, otherwise. You're already in trouble just by saying what you said.

They'll be waiting for us when we leave the studio. Okay. And I can see a song coming on for the situation when you go back there and they tell you that they won't do anything about it. You bought the car. It's too late. So long,

Liz. Well, they probably wouldn't be able to air those lyrics over the radio. So long, Liz. It ain they probably wouldn't be able to air those lyrics over the radio, Liz. So long, Liz. It ain't our biz. There you go. And you're going to use bent in there somewhere. Okay. Bent is an important part.

All right. I'll just figure out what that rhymes with, right? Good luck, Liz. All right. Thank you so much for your help. See you later. We loved your song. Thanks a lot.

Bye. Bye-bye. We'll be right back with the so much for your help. See you later. We loved your song. Thanks a lot. Bye. Bye-bye. We'll be right back with the answer to the puzzler right after these messages. Do you wish stories could unfold over three hours rather than three minutes? You tired of doomscrolling? Trying to find humanity? Or maybe a deeper understanding of why the world is the way it is? Listen to Embedded, NPR's original documentary series.

Find us wherever you get your podcasts. Jasmine Morris here from the StoryCorps podcast. Our latest season is called My Way. Stories of people who found a rhythm all their own and marched to it throughout their lives. Consequences and other people's opinions be damned. You won't believe the courage and audacity in these stories. Hear them on the StoryCorps podcast from NPR. Summer is for going to the movie theater because it's too hot to stay home. It's for driving with

the windows down, listening to your favorite music. It's for stretching out while you're on vacation to gobble up a TV show. For a guide to some of the TV, movies, and music we are most excited about this summer, listen to the Pop Culture Happy Hour podcast from NPR. Pro-Palestinian protests have popped up on college campuses across the country. But from the eyes of students, what are we missing? From the outside, these protests are painted as really violent when that couldn't be further from the truth. I'm Brittany Luce, host of NPR's It's Been a Minute, and I'm inviting you to hear from student journalists who see what the rest of us cannot on It's Been a Minute from NPR. All right. I know you can't remember last week's puzzle. You don't even have the form with you or any of that.

I don't have the form. And you don't remember it, so I'll just go right into it. Because it is awful tiring to hear you moan and groan. But I do have a note. I do have a note from the guy who sent me the forms. Does anyone know his name? No. Sure.

I mean, he said he's going to send me some more. Here he is. Matt Jackson from Rapid City, South Dakota. Where are you, Matt? He said he's going to send me some more. Here he is. Matt Jackson from Rapid City, South Dakota. Where are you, Matt? He said he's going to send me new forms. I think it's unfair of him to send you these forms and not send me some good puzzlers. Here we are. Yeah.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson. Oh, this was good. Are relaxing by the fire in the study of 221B Baker Street. Yeah. Holmes was puffing on his favorite Calabash while Watson was reading the Times. Suddenly, Watson glanced over the top of the paper and looked directly at Holmes. When's your birthday, Holmes? None of your business.

You tell me, Watson. He was very cruel to Watson, wasn't he? He was. He treated him like a second class. Exactly. And he was a doctor. And he was a doctor. And he was a doctor. John Watson was a doctor.

That's right. And Holmes treated him like he was a bumbling fool. Rather shabbily. Yes, indeed. I don't like it. I don't like him either. He's a jerk. I don't like the way you treat me, actually.

You tell me, Watson. Holmes replied with a smile. The day before yesterday, I was 32. And next year, I will be 35. Impossible, snapped Watson. But of course, Holmes was right. Yeah, he's always right. Can you tell what day of the year they were sitting by the fire? Or what day of the year Holmes celebrated his birthday? Either of those will be good. Yeah. Well, they were sitting by the fire on January 1. Yeah. Holmes' birthday

was December 31st. So yesterday was his birthday. Yes. The day before yesterday, he was 32. Yesterday was his birthday. He was 33. This year, on December 31st, he will be 34, and next year, on December 31st, he will be 35.

Pretty snazzy, huh? That was good. It seemed impossible. It seemed impossible for a moment there. I'm still trying to work it out. So who's the winner? I'm glad you asked because the winner is Mark Lemon from Woodwood, Iowa. And for being our winner this week, Mark will get his very own copy of the Best of Car Talk on CD,

which, when purchased by the dozen, make excellent flower garden borders. As some people know, you can just line them right up there. Yes, indeed. And by the way, if you didn't win the puzzler and you want a copy of the Best of Car Talk, you can always get one at cartalk.com on the World Wide Web or by calling Car Talk's Shameless Commerce Division, whose number is unlisted. No, it's 303-823-8000.

I've always been bothered by the fact that you say, whose number is? The Shameless Commerce Division is not a who. Its number is. What's number is? What's number is? That's better. I like that. Oh, which is? Which is number is? Which number is. What's number is? What's number is. That's better. I like that. Oh, which is? Which

is number is? Which number is? 303-823-8000. Okay. From now, I'll make that correction. Which is number is? Okay. Anyway, we have a brand new automotive puzzle coming up during the second half of today's show, and we're going to play Stump the Chumps, so stay tuned for that. In the meantime, you can call us at 1-800-332-9287. Hello, you're on Car Talk. Hi, this is Marietta from Stanford. Marietta. Marietta.

Yes. Martin Marietta? No, just Marietta. From Stanford. Is that like Stanford University or Stanford, Connecticut? Stanford, Connecticut. Stanford. With an M.

Yeah. Yes. That's STEM. Well, that's what I thought. Right. Stanford, Connecticut. Right. Yes. That's Stem. Well, that's what I thought. Right. Stem, Ford, Connecticut. Right. Yes.

My problem is this. I drive a 1994 Ford Explorer. Yeah. And about three months ago, I noticed that the electric car seat operating device that makes it go forward and backwards was jammed. makes it go forward and backwards, was jammed. And when I looked underneath, I noticed that my son, two-year-old son's little binky pacifier,

had kind of gotten sucked into the track, the rubber part of it. And it jammed into the track and I haven't been able to move it ever since. And the problem is it's so far away from the gas pedal, I now have to drive with tape boxes and all sorts of things behind me. I just can't move it. It moved a little bit, but it's really jammed up to the point where I can't reach. So you can't move it. The seat has six different degrees of freedom. Exactly.

You just can't move it forward and backwards. I can move it backwards, but I can't move it forward enough so I can reach the gas pedal. Because the binky's in the way? The binky's stuck in the... The hell is this binky made out of? Titanium? But when you move it back, doesn't that clear the binky? No, it doesn't.

Actually, I stopped at a gas station, and they tried pouring some oil in it and putting a rod through there, and they fished out tiny pieces of rubber, but they weren't able to get the whole thing. Yeah. And I thought maybe... Oh, did he shove this binky in from the back? He either did or it got just drawn in as I was moving the seat forward or back. Yeah.

Well, that's why I've always been a believer in riveting the binky to the high chair. Or to the car seat. Or to the kid's temple. Or to the kid, right. You could have it welded to some part of the kid's body. Yeah, I mean, it's not a big deal. I mean, someone ought to be able to get down there and dig that out. Well, we tried and we weren't able to do it.

And I guess my question is, is it really expensive to bring it somewhere and have them remove this track system? No, not really. I mean, I don't know to what extent you gum the thing up. I mean, I don't know what a binky does to the track system and... No, not really. I mean, I don't know to what extent you've gummed the thing up. I mean, I don't know what a binky does to the track system. Well, how do we get these calls anyway? This is life, man. But someone's going to have to actually unbolt the seat

and take the whole thing right out. Right. And give it a binkectomy. I mean, I don't know what you do in these situations. I can honestly say I've never been faced with this problem, but I would imagine you may be know what you do in these situations. I can honestly say I've never been faced with this problem, but I would imagine you may be looking at a couple of hours labor. Okay.

It might not be, though. I mean, if you could just loosen it and raise it up a little bit, the binky ought to slide right out. No, I think this binky's just been mashed and mangled in there. Yeah, yeah. We found almost all of it except there's a piece missing. Yeah, that's the piece that's in there. That's the piece. Yeah. And it's probably the plastic part of it, not the rubbery part of it. except there's a piece missing. Yeah, the piece that's... That's the piece that's in there. That's the piece. Yeah.

And it's probably the plastic part of it, not the rubbery part of it. Yeah, it could be. And you've tried going... If you go all the way back with the seat and then slam it forward... Yeah. It just gets to that one point and it stops. It stops, yeah. I just can't reach the pedals at all.

Have you tried having someone sit in the back seat and put his feet up against the seat and push on it while you're doing that? I don't think I tried that. I'm sure that'll break something. Yeah. If you're interested in trying to break something, it's going to cost you many hundreds of dollars. I would recommend my brother's technique.

Yeah. Of course, that's what I would try first. Okay. If it were my car, but it would probably break something, and I'd be prepared to face that eventuality. So if you're prepared to face that, then give that a shot, Mariette. If not... If not, do it the right way.

Have someone loosen it up and take it apart. Take it to the Ford dealer, and they'll yank the seat out. Okay. And then you can save that piece. I mean, it'd be a great conversation piece. You can hang it, put it on a thread and hang it from the rearview mirror. No, put it in the kid's little book. You must be making a book for the kid.

That's right. I've got a book for him. I mean, don't forget, it'll already be all flattened out. It'll fit right in the book. You can just scotch tape it right in. What's this kid's name? This is Nicholas. Nicholas.

Nick's first automotive experience. That's right. Wonderful. Okay. See you later. Good luck, Mariela. Thank you. Bye-bye.

Bye-bye. Hey, stick around for more calls and the new puzzler coming right up. Drake and Kendrick Lamar have been lobbing some serious accusations at each other. You've probably heard the diss tracks and wondered, what's just a low blow and what's actually criminal? I'm Brittany Luce, host of It's Been a Minute from NPR. And I'm getting into what's art and what's worthy of criminal investigation and who those accusations hurt the most

on It's Been a Minute from NPR. With NPR+, there's more to hear, like extended interviews with some of the experts we talk to at Planet Money and The Indicator. It's a mistake for economists to only think about economic efficiency when considering policies because you'll actually wind up with a worse outcome. And with NPR Plus, you help keep NPR going.

Learn more at plus.npr.org. In any great story, there's a moment that sparks your curiosity. It tells you there is more to uncover. How did this happen? How did we get here? That's where Embedded comes in. We are NPR's home for documentary journalism, immersive and intimate stories. I was

stone cold speechless. Nothing will ever ever, ever, ever be the same here. Find Embedded wherever you get your podcasts. On NPR's ThruLine. We cannot function for 24 hours without COBOL because it's in our smartphone, our you get your podcasts. Hi, we're back. You're listening to Car Talk on National Public Radio with us,

Click and Clack, the Tappert brothers. And we're here to discuss cars, car repair, and yet another theory. You may recall that a week or so ago, we discussed the theory of billboards and how they are causing the Earth or slowing down the Earth's rotation. Yes, the sail effect, I believe. The sail effect. Yeah, well, get this. This is from Kami Rosvan. S-A-L-E, right? S-A-L-E, right?

S-A-L-E, right. The attention came on shoppers. Kami Rosvan actually sent this in to our website on one of the little Café D'Atra things, I guess. On your last week's show, you asked for interesting theories. So here's one I've had for a long time, but I've never had the time to submit for publication. Ah. As your theory last week suggested, some of us don't think that the Earth just rotates because of unknown God-given forces. The theory about the billboards is an interesting one, but it does not take into consideration the theory of relativity equals MC squared.

Huh? I believe my theory is better. After all, I have a PhD and therefore I am licensed to speak with authority. I can also send you my mathematical reasoning as an attached document if you think you need further proof. I believe that every time we walk to go somewhere, we are not really walking, but forcing the earth to move, hence bringing the destination to us. For every action, there's an equal and opposite react. Yes. So if you want to go somewhere, it's better to go in groups, since more power makes the

earth move faster, and the destination gets to you sooner. This is why a lot of joggers run in groups. Yes, of course. Shortens the trip. Women go to bathrooms in pairs. Yes. When walking with a companion, you always think that you got to your destination faster. Because you did. Because you did.

You guys are on the right track. Keep up the good work. It's good to be recognized for the job that you do. And thank God the Chinese haven't discovered this yet. They'll be here in a minute. It's a deal of science, a lethal blow. Well, it's time for the new puzzler. And as I promised, this is automotive and folkloric, and I didn't promise all those things.

You didn't. But you will now. But it is. Yeah. It is. It comes from the days when Krusty first began to work for us, our good old pal Krusty. And if you may remember, Krusty had an old 55 Chevy pickup truck or some such thing. Yeah.

A real beast. Yeah. I remember you used to look at it all the time drooling. You thought it some such thing. Yeah. A real beast. Yeah. I remember you used to look at it all the time drooling. You thought it was so wonderful. Beautiful. And one day, our workday is finished, and old Krusty is outside on the street with his pickup truck, and he's got the right rear wheel jacked up. He's got his bumper jack out there.

Actually, his little pump jack, his little hydraulic jack. He's got the right rear wheel off the ground. And I'm ready to go home. I'm out by my Conestoga wagon. And I ask him, what's up? You have a flat? And he says, no, I don't. And he mumbled something about battery, grumble, grumble, grumble, late for dinner.

Yeah. And I knew he was a bumbling old fool, so I just got out of my car and drove away. Sure. But as I did, I noticed he let the truck down, and I could see him driving away in the opposite direction. What was he doing, and what were these mumblings all about? Now, did I correctly interpret your mumblings as starter motor and late for dinner? Late for dinner.

Something to that effect. Late for dinner. But he had the right rear wheel jacked up. And when I asked him if he had a flat, he said, no, I don't. Yeah. What was Krusty doing? Now, if you think you know the answer, oh, you just want to kill some time.

This is a very vague puzzler at the moment. It has to be vague. I can't give any more hints than this. I mean, he could have been doing anything. He could have been reconnecting the gas tank. What do we know? No, no, I gave enough information. You did.

So we have to... The mumbling did... The words were starter motor. Is that correct? Yes, they were. All right. Starter motor, late for dinner. Late for dinner.

Yeah. Late for dinner, starter motor, grumble, grumble. Grumble, grumble. Grumble, grumble. No, I don't have a flat. All right. Jeez. But I I don't have a flat. All right. Jeez.

But I will give the hint that he had the lug wrench in his hand. Oh. Good enough, huh? If you think you know the answer, or like I said, you have extra time at work and you want to take a guess, either email that guess to us by visiting cartalk.com on the World Wide Web, or use the good old U.S. mail and send your answer to Puzzler Tower, Cartalk Plaza, Box 3500, Harvard Square, Cambridge. Our fair city. Math 02238.

By the way, if you just want to hear the Puzzler again, it's always posted every week at cartalk.com. And you can either read it or you can hear it if you have real audio. Okay, look, before we take another call, I believe it's time for your favorite game, Tommy. Yes, it's time to play Stump the Chumps. Stump the Chumps is where we contact a random caller from a previous car talk show and ask the oh-so-dangerous question, were we right? And why not? Okay, so who is this week's Chump Stumper? Today's contestant, Liesl Dees, hails from Wheaton, Illinois.

Now, when she's not trying to start her 89 Civic wagon, she's correcting people who think her name is Weasel, but Diesel. This is the part where I say, oh, yeah, I remember Liesel. So we can do that thing with the harp. Right. Oh, yeah. I remember Liesel. I can almost hear her now.

See, you're moving next Saturday. You need the car. Right. Well, and we haven't taken it in yet, because, of course, it has to be towed into the shop to see what's wrong with it. Well, I mean, I can think of some awful things that it could be. Okay. Would you like the worst of the things that it could be? Give it to me. We're buying a house. What can be worse than mortgage payment?

Then you're going to be buying a car, too. Okay. Well, when you applied for the mortgage... Now, if you remember, Liesel's Honda was cranking, but it wouldn't start. Her husband determined that the car wasn't getting any spark. In feeling that was a sufficient accomplishment, he went to watch a baseball game and left the car to rot in the backyard. So in desperation, Liesel called us, and we told her to try replacing the igniter. So, Liesl, are you there, Liesl? I'm here. You are? Hello. Now, before we ask you what happened, we have to ask you the standard series of FCC-mandated questions. Have we had any contact since you were on the air with

us weeks ago? With you? Yeah, we had any contact. No, no. Okay, Have you received any cash or tote bags from National Public Radio in an attempt to influence the answer that you will give us here today? I wish I had. You didn't get the tote bags? That's right. Or the baseball cap. Okay. Would you like to receive any cash or tote bags to influence your answer here today?

Of course. All right. Break it to us gently. Did you even consider taking our advice, first of all? Well, of course we did. You did? We did. And you went someplace and asked them to replace the igniter? So we did. We had it towed, and it was the igniter. Unbelievable. My husband thinks I'm wonderful, and if it gets any better

We'll be naming our kids Clicking class Boy Well Liesl We want to thank you For playing Stump the Chumps And more importantly To congratulate you

On having the courage To want our advice Go ahead and replace something That we only heard about A week or two before the call Ourselves There you go Yeah Good luck So now it runs And everyone's happy Your husband thinks you're a genius play something that we only heard about a week or two before the call ourselves.

Yeah, good luck. So now it runs and everyone's happy? Your husband thinks you're a genius? That's right. We even had the alternator changed because we thought we, no, it was the belt. The belt would be good, yeah. Whatever else you said that we should probably have changed, we had changed. And how's the new house? It's great.

We're all settled in. My piano movers heard me talk to you guys, and they thought that was great. Cool. Well, enjoy your car. It'll probably last another few months, and those tote bags will be coming any day now. With the cash, I trust. With the cash. See you, Liesl.

Thanks a lot. Thanks again. Bye-bye. You shouldn't call her a weasel. She's a nice person. 1-800-332-9287. Hello, you're on Car Talk. Hi, this is Howard calling from Memphis.

Hey, Howard, what's happening? Can we call you Howie? Yeah, no, just stick with Howard. Howard. Howard. Howie is the bane of anyone ever named Howard, I think. Oh, is it really? How many attractive characters on sitcoms have you ever seen named Howie?

Yeah. Well, that's the measure, huh? Well, to start. Howie Mandel. Ooh. And he's a comedian Howie? Yeah. Well, that's the measure, huh? Well, to start. Howie Mandel. Ooh. And he's a comedian, right? Yeah. And you want to be taken more seriously than a clown like that.

If I was a serious guy, would I be calling you guys? No. Howard, where are you from? Memphis, Tennessee. Oh, Memphis. What's up, man? Well, I drive a 1989 Lincoln LSC Mark VII, Well, I drive a 1989 Lincoln LSC Mark VII, and I have a rather embarrassing problem.

When I end my journey, turn the car off, it really doesn't matter how long I sit in the car. When I get out of the car, slam the door, get about four steps away, my car does a curly impersonation. It goes, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo. And it usually extracts some sort of comment from dates and that sort of thing. And I'm just curious as to what could be causing it. It goes, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, the car, it'll still do it. I hate to ask a personal delicate question, but you heavy? No, I'm not. I'm no 300-pounder. I'll weigh about 200 pounds. Well, I think this thing has a level ride system, if I'm not mistaken.

You're exactly right. And I think that the level ride system is readjusting for your getting out of the car. Yeah. And that's what's... What would make the sound? That doesn't sound like something that they would have built in. No, no, there's something wrong with it, but it must make the sound when, in fact, you're moving, but you don't hear it because it's drowned out

by all the other noises that are around. Oh, that's a good point. I mean, can you tell where the sound is, what part of the car the sound is coming from? It's definitely coming from the front. Yeah, well, that's where the pump is. Right. So when the pump, and that's what's turning on is the pump. Okay. So there must be something wrong with it. It's definitely coming from the front. Yeah, well, that's where the pump is. Right. So when the pump,

and that's what's turning on is the pump. Okay. So there must be something wrong with it. It's probably rated a, what is this, 89? 89, yeah. Yeah, it's going to blow out

in about a week and then you won't hear the noise anymore. Of course, your bumpers will be dragging on the ground. Undercarriage will be sending sparks. Yeah, I mean,

you haven't taken this in to get it looked at? No, I haven't. I figured I'd call the experts first. Yeah, and it does it every time, huh? In varying degrees.

Sometimes it's kind of just a whoop, and sometimes it's the full-blown Larry Moe and Curly. Yeah. It'll be easy to find because they'll sit in the car and unlock the hood, and then as soon as you get out, you run to the front of the car, throw open the hood, and you'll see exactly where the noise is coming from. Just think that ball guy will step out, right? The ball guy will step out, right? Well, good luck getting it fixed, but I think you should leave it.

It's kind of a conversation piece, and if that's going to turn off a date right off the bat, then... Well, once I figured out that my car was actually impersonating Curly, I've been able to turn it to my advantage. I'm sure. I think you should. Just keep a little personality with it. I think you should leave it, as a matter of fact. I'm going to tell people now that on your advice I've done this. So add another level of absurdity to it. So blame us. No, better yet, say that you added it

to the car. You got the Curly package. Oh, don't you have the Curly package? I thought everybody did. Yeah, tell you got the stooge edition. We only offered this for a couple of minutes, and I happened to get it in the window. And you happened to be one of the guys who got one. Knocked out the curly package.

Good luck. Thanks a lot, guys. See you, Howard. See you. Bye-bye. Well, you've squandered another perfectly good hour listening to Car Talk. Our esteemed producer is Doug the Subway Fugitive, not a slave to fashion, Punkin' Lips Berman.

Our associate producer and dean of the College of Auto Musicology is Ken Babyface Rogers. Our engineer and assistant producer is Jennifer Travel and Leisure Lobe. And our... When are you going again, Jen? Just dropped in today and God knows where she'll be next week. She's working on us. She's got the brochures in front of her as we do.

Jennifer noticed. She just changed religions,ures in front of her as we do. Jennifer noticed. She just changed religions, you know, because she realized that there were no more Jewish holidays for three more months. She's embraced Hinduism. I think it's Buddhist. Our technical advisor, who I'm happy to share with everyone, is here today. It's John Bugsy Sebastian,

Mr. Hyde Sweet Cheeks, free lunch, Twinkle Toes, Mr. Hyde, Sweet Cheeks, Free Lunch, Twinkle Toes, Hula Hips, Donut Breath, Two Gigabytes, Make That Three, Triple Cheeseburgers, Waller. Our public opinion pollster is Paul Murky of Murky Research, assisted by statistician Marge Inovera. Our automotive medical researcher is Dr. Denton Fender. Our literary critics are Ernest and Julio Hemingway. Our jazz music coordinator is Bertha DeBlues. The designer of our casual clothing line is No Tai Wu. And our staff urologist is Willa Catheter. Our director of country music is Stan Byerman. Our fleet manager is Oscar DeLaRental.

Our staff marriage counselor is Marion Haste. Our producer's office is furnished by Rick Kleiner. And of course, our chief counsel from the law firm of Dewey Cheaterman Howe is Hughes Lewis Dewey. Known to the emerging spring bums in Harvard Square is Huey Louie Dewey. Thanks so much for listening. We're Click and Clack, the Tapper Brothers. Don't drive like my brother. Don't drive like my brother.

We'll be back next week. Bye-bye. If you want a cassette copy of this week's show, it's number 17. You can order it on the World Wide Web through the shameless commerce division of CarTalk.com or order one by phone at 303-823-8000. You can also order the best of Car Talk and other useless garbage the same way. Click on the Shameless Commerce Division at CarTalk.com or call 303-823-8000. And don't forget, the best of Car Talk comes with our unconditional money-back guarantee.

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