The Best of Car Talk - #2442: Does Anybody Screen These Calls?

Episode Date: May 25, 2024

On this episode of the Best of Car Talk Click and Clack handle(in no particular order): Where to hide a dead guy's ashes, A young man's descent into existential irrelevance and Barry's libido.Get access to hundreds of episodes in the Car Talk archive when you sign up for Car Talk+ at plus.npr.org/cartalkLearn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

What does it mean to be Black in America? In NPR's Black Stories, Black Truths, a collection of stories as varied, nuanced, and dynamic as the Black experience, you'll hear it means everything. Search NPR Black Stories, Black Truths wherever you get your podcasts. broadcasts. Welcome to Car Talk from National Public Radio with us, Click and Clack the Tappet Brothers, and we're broadcasting this week from the, well duh, Division here at Car Talk Plaza. This just in Dateline, Washington.

ANITSA, that is the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration study, scheduled for release this summer, reportedly will conclude that heavy cars are safer than light cars. Yeah, I mean, now over the... Well, I said, well, duh. How many millions of dollars did they spend to do this study? I mean, even, I mean, this was reported in Automotive News, the May 6th issue of Automotive News, this is the Bible of the automotive industry, and even they said, they started off the article with this, Washington, suspicions and common sense confirmed the chances of dying in a car crash increase substantially as the vehicle

weight decreases. And evidently the study has not yet been published by NHTSA, but of course, Automotive News has got some sneak information that they paid for somehow. Oh, of course. And it basically says that for every 100 pound reduction, I shouldn't have said that and I'm sorry. I might as well do it right now, right? Your mouth will apologize. I'll apologize right now.

Well, how else did they get it? Some guy working for Nitzis, sneak them the info. You think he did it for nothing? Well first, I mean, almost every issue of this magazine there's some spy photo of some new car being developed. Yeah, where do those come from? In any event, that is really a well done, and I'm sorry that we spent your money. We the American people are sorry that we have spent the government's money doing that All right. I gotta read one short thing here and then we can take a call sure here. This is from Dan Hartford actually this came to us via the website. I'm tired

Yes, I'm tired for several years I've been blaming it on middle-aged iron deficiency, lack of vitamins, air pollution, water pollution, saccharin, obesity, dieting, underarm odor and a dozen other maladies that make you wonder if life is really worth living. But now I found out it ain't that. I'm tired because I'm overworked. Now this is me. The population of this country is 250 million. 104 million are retired.

That leaves 146 million to do the work. There are 90 million in school, which leaves 56 million to do the work. Of this total, there are 32 million employed by the government. That leaves 24 million to do the work. 5 million are in the armed forces, which leaves 19 million to do the work. Take from that the 18.7 million people who work for state and city government and that leaves 300,000 people to do the work. There are 248,000 in hospitals so that leaves 52,000 to do the work. There are 51,998 people in jails or

prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work He's you and me and you're sitting there reading this no wonder I'm tired Very good Often feel that you're alone yeah hey i'm doing it all and everything that's carrying you for one thing well i don't have a father don't know you know i am heavy i'm your brother and i'm happy that you like the cause of the question about your car our number is one eight hundred three three two nine two eight seven hello you're on car talk hi this is mike

from winter springs florida how are you gentlemen? Winter Springs, summer or fall? Winter Spring. Well, don't you love how all the cities in Florida have winter in it? I think it's basically to tease people up in your fair city. Yeah, and boy, it's easy to do. It's cruel. Yeah, Winter Haven is I think the best. Winter Haven is a great name.

Well, I want to leap to the other side of the life cycle and go from the deceased to the yet to be born. Yeah, cool. What we have is my wife is expecting with our first child the first week in July. And so we're looking at maybe what would be the best vehicle. So we have a sport utility versus something like a Volvo 850 and I'd be interested in your opinion. But then the really interesting thing is what car to turn in. My wife drives a 94 Honda Civic with 24,000 miles

I drive a Toyota Supra in 1987 with a hundred and eighty six thousand miles both are paid for Question obviously is which to trade in not that I would lobby to tell you which one but no And you did mention you didn't have necessarily have to mention who owned which car And you did mention, you didn't necessarily have to mention who owned which car, but we'll try to be balanced about this. Is the Super the testosterone addition? Yes, yes, yes. And we have agreed, because we have reached an impasse in our negotiations, that we would defer to the two of you.

Yeah, well, I mean, I can see the dilemma. I mean, on the one hand, just to summarize it for those people who are less quick than i have that there might be nobody out there that falls into that category one hand you got an obviously ninety four civic with only twenty four thousand miles which is obviously a better car to keep than eighty seven super with nine million miles on it but i do but it's worth more in trading

uh... hard to see if all the civic is worth more in trade right the civic is worth more and it's a better car and it's got fewer miles and it's newer all those work left brain reasons but then you've got the on the other side of the equation you're gonna be now saddled with not only a wife but a child and not only a wife but a child and not only a wife and child but a minivan

So talk about Emasculation, I mean when you know I have to drive around in the minivan Or the Civic well your life will essentially be over as you know it today Life will essentially be over as you know it today And so we've got your mental and emotional health on the one hand versus economics on the other right in fact While we have you in the phone you can help us write your obituary Yeah So I mean you might as well just start pulling those pants up around your chest right now And start practicing yes dear because i mean what will be left i mean there's no more fun in your life

my life won't totally be over i mean i still i actually uh... oh trust me it will well i still i still have my pilot's license and we still fly yeah yeah i know how long you think that's gonna last uh... i'm hoping for the rest of my life i mean pretty soon you know your wife is gonna say my child going up in that flimsy little plane all-in-all and then i have to she can't go either so you say we fly it'll be you and then it'll be

show on go ahead and have your fun bandana's for the weekend fly around I'll stay out here and mow the lawn and fix everything and feed the chickens so should I just have my ashes put in the ashtray of the super this is called dr. Kevorkian right now okay now looking looking at this way you got about a month or so to really live it up Well, which now that we've determined that my life is going to be over which car should we should we go get as I mean? It's for utility versus something That's got really good safety like the Volvo 850 well

I was certainly never hesitate to recommend the Volvo 850 nor would I and then I would certainly hesitate to recommend the Volvo 850? Nor would I, and I would certainly also not hesitate to recommend it over any sport utility vehicle, anyone, you name it. Well gentlemen, you've been that, I will send you a copy of my obituary after I, new father, life over as he knows it. But a new life will begin and it will be wonderful. I'm looking forward to it. But a new life will begin and it will be wonderful. I'm looking forward to it. If you remember Mike and you probably won't, in a couple of months after the kid

is born and you've settled down, just drop us a note or give us a call and let us know which car you got rid of. Okay. See you Mike. Thanks for your call. Okay, bye. Bye. Poor guy. I know it, jeez. Everyone knows that your life basically ends. You know, the kid comes. You know, the first year or two of marriage when you don't have the kids, you can almost believe that you're still happy. And then, the kid comes. And that's it. I mean, you might as well just lie down and throw the dirt over you or put yourself in

the ashtray. Alright now which side of the garage will you be sleeping in tonight if I have to come and visit you? Hey we've got more calls and ready for this? The puzzler ads are coming up right after this so don't go anywhere. All that sitting and swiping, your body is adapting to your technology. Learn how and what you can do about it. I really felt like the cloud in my brain kind of dissipated.

Once I started realizing what a difference these little breaks were making, there's no turning back for me. Take NPR's Body Electric Challenge. Listen to the series wherever you get your podcasts. In this country, some truths aren't self-evident. In NPR's Black Stories, Black Truths, a collection of stories as wide-ranging and real as the people who tell them, we celebrate the black experience for all its soul and richness.

Search NPR Black Stories, Black Truths, wherever you get podcasts. What does it mean to be black in America? In NPR's Black Stories, Black Truths, a collection of stories as varied, nuanced, and dynamic as black experiences, you'll hear. It means everything. Search NPR Black Stories, Black Truths wherever you get your podcast. This message comes from the Soul Boom podcast hosted by Rainn Wilson. Every Tuesday, Rainn speaks with guests about topics that tickle the mind, heart, and yes, the soul. Subscribe to Soul Boom wherever you get your podcasts. More at voicingchange.media.

All right, last week's puzzler. Yeah, just tell us about it, man. What was it? This came to us from a fellow named Steve Pinkston of Malala, Oregon, I think. Malala? Something like that. Oh yeah, I've been there a lot of times. That's very vaguely familiar. It is a true and long story, and I tried to shorten it and obfuscate it,

and I feel that I dropped too many hints, didn't I? Because Jennifer said, I got it. Even Berman said, oh, I got it. Yeah. Okay, anyway, here we go. Like I said, it's a true story about his dear departed wife, Rae-Ann. In the early 80s, she owned a 74 Comet. And at one point, the car developed a puzzling problem.

Every time Rae-Ann would come to a stop, the engine would die. It would just go dead and everything would conk out. The engine always started right up again without hesitation and ran fine after that until what? She came to another stop now if she just really Eased it to a stop coasted gradually to a stop with very light pressure in the brake She could keep it from dying but on our normal run-of-the-mill stop it died every time Hmm you with me. I got it now He did all the normal stuff, you know after the the ashtrays, change the air freshener,

put in new plugs, fuel filter, etc., etc. And this never happened when he drove the car. Hint number one. So anyway, they take the car to the local dealer. She drove the car and it stalled like seven times on the way over. They leave the key with the guy and ask him to check it out. He doesn't experience the stalling, but that doesn't prevent him from charging the 300 bucks to replace a few things, one of which was the ignition module. Steve

drives the car home and it's perfect. He hands the key back to his wife and says, they fixed it because I stopped as often as I could and it never, ever stalled on me. She says, wonderful, puts the key back on her ring and needless to say she comes back in tears a few hours later saying it's still doing it. I can't believe it. Back to the dealership. Steve's now in a rage. Man, he's fierce. Those veins are bulging on his neck.

He slams the key down on the counter and says fix this thing or else. So they drive it around and again it behaves perfectly but they replace the module just for good measure thinking it may have been faulty and he picks it up again drives it home, it's fine, his wife drives it later on and of course you know what happened. Of course, of course. It was all fixed so there was no puzzle. No, it wasn't fixed. He's in the car with her, she's in tears, he's trying to console her and suddenly he realizes what's wrong. What was it?

I just realized it too. You did? A week later. Yeah. What was wrong was that she had her keys on a ring, and the ring was, there were so many keys on it that it was acting like a pendulum. So when she came to a stop,

the keys would actually swing forward as they hung down, swing towards the front of the car and turn the switch off. So when her key was removed from the ring and it was taken into the shop, they drove it and of course this never happened. And moreover, it never happened when Steve drove it because he didn't use her key. He didn't use her key and he had his own key with just probably a few keys on the ring. So she had a worn out switch and, oh my, I see that look in your face like you have gas or something.

You have gas or? Extraordinarily unbelievable. Hardly. Steve, this was a 40 page letter that he sent. I condensed this from a 40 page of piss on me? Did you take two double oh one? Yes, did you pass? That I passed it the first time you know

Did you pass it the second time yes? I mean you can understand the forces involved in the pendulum yes I do and the nest the force necessary to turn the key in a counterclockwise... It's not turning it off. It's just turning it enough to... just... Fine! Wait a minute... If you're that desperate for a puzzler, fine. Fine! I think you're insulting our listener. We don't have that many so be nice. Anyway, who's the winner? The winner this week is Jess Gerard. Jess Gerard from Westport, Connecticut and for coming up with the right answer or at least an answer that you thought was right. I didn't.

Jess gets her very own copy of the best of car talk which as you may know finished just above public radio fundraising in the May sleeps this year. Anyway we have a brand new improved puzzler coming up during the second half of today's show. Plus another tension-filled episode of Stump the Chumps. So keep your ear glued to that radio. In the meantime we'll take more calls. Our number is 1-800-332-9287. Hello, you're on Car Talk. Hi, my name's Marnie. I'm calling from Ann Arbor, Michigan. Marnie. Ann Arbor.

What's up? Okay. Here's my question. My father passed away a couple months ago, and we cremated him. Now, he didn't leave instructions as to what he wanted done with his remains. So we buried part of them. My mother has part of them, as do myself, my sister, and my father's sister. And my father owned a 1962 Corvette. Can I just ask one question of the producer? Sure. Does anyone screen the calls?

I mean, what is this? I'm sorry. No, go ahead. I'm sorry, Marnie. No, no. I'm sorry. What was it? It's my question. Go ahead. He had a 62 Corvette. Yes. Yeah. And you want to know if you can, never mind. You want to cremate the Corvette. I want to know if placing a small amount of his ashes in the gasoline tank... Geez, you know I was going to ask that question, but I said, never mind. I said, who would be crazy enough to want to do that? In the gasoline tank? Yes, to sort of combust my father into his car. Oh, I see.

That's a very, very interesting idea. Yeah. Talk about being one with your vehicle. Exactly. No one will ever have an experience like that. So the question is, will the car run if you do this? Well, I mean, I know it'll run, but I don't know if it'll harm the engine at all. Well, it won't harm the engine, but it'll probably plug up the carburetor. And in fact, it probably won't get combusted, or at least not very much of it. Well, although it's all obviously just symbolic. Right. I mean you could

pretend to throw this, put it in the... Oh, no, you can't lie to a dead person for God's sakes. Yeah, here's a better idea. Is there any way I could sort of burn him up in the car? What's this thing about burning? Well, you want to make him one with the car? Unmount all the tires and sprinkle a little bit of his remains in each tire and put them back on the wheels That's an idea. Oh, that's an idea. I got I got another idea for the combustion Okay, one of the things you could do instead of putting it in the gas tank The thing runs I presume, right? Start it up, take off the air cleaner and sprinkle down the throat of the carburetor. That'll be really good

for some of the remains. Yeah. That way it avoids the carburetor. You're sort of bypassing the carburetor. It goes right into the cylinders. It goes right into the cylinders. Where it's much less likely to do damage to the carburetor, but more likely to do damage to the cylinders. I think this is a bad idea. The tires is the idea. And since it's already burned, it's not going to burn again. I mean, we're down to nothing. No, you've already done it, yeah. The tires is a good idea.

Go for the tires. How about, this is sick, but how about the ashtray? Well, that would be an appropriate place to be. Yeah, it would. Just don't empty it out. And have it laminated. Laminated. Oh, have it sealed up.

That's a good idea. Sealed with what? Plastic. Sealed with plastic. They can pot it. His ashes can be potted with epoxy. Sure, and then you'll never be able to use the ashtray again, but why would you want to? Yeah. And he would be permanently in the ashtray. I want to say that this is right up there with our cream rinse call. Yeah, it is. I mean, this is certainly an unusual. You may have to win

the prize for unusual this week. But I like the ashtray. You can take that thing to... Who would do that? Who would do that potting? I'd look in the yellow pages under plastic and see if there's someone that does plastic lamination type stuff. Okay. And you just bring in the ashtray with the remains in it and they can just pour the plastic over it and seal it all right. I mean, alternatively, you can buy this stuff yourself. You can go to your home center and buy what's called bar top finish, which is a two part, which is an epoxy finish that's used to get that, what looks like a one foot thick finish on, on bar tops. Okay. And you mix this stuff together and it's very thick and you would put the ashes in the ashtray

and then pour this stuff on the top and it would dry and it would be in there forever. Right. Yeah. Well, Marnie, thanks very, very much for your most interesting question. Well, I'm sure you've opened up something new for all of our listeners to think about. You know, I hadn't really thought about this before. I mean, I'm already, as you were talking, I could see my dodge dot with me looking up out of the ashtray.

And I can't wait till my brother goes so I can fulfill his dream. Thanks Marnie, thanks for calling. See you. Bye bye. Bye bye. Hey, stick around for more calls and the new puzzler coming right up. Last year, over 20,000 people joined the Body Electric study to change their sedentary screen-filled lives.

And guess what? We saw amazing effects. Now you can try NPR's Body Electric Challenge yourself. Listen to updated and new episodes wherever you get your podcasts. you get your pocketness. On this week's episode of Wild Card, poet laureate Ada Lamone tells us how to give yourself a little grace. The nice thing about being in my mid to late 40s, yeah, I forgive myself all the time. Join me, Rachel Martin, for NPR's new podcast, Wild Card, the game where cards control the conversation.

On the TED Radio Hour, researcher Sasha Lucioni says AI can help us find climate solutions. But just training the technology itself uses a ton of energy. Training, child GPT, for instance, emits as much carbon as five cars in their lifetime. Tech's climate conundrum. That's on the TED Radio with us, Click and Clack the Tappet Brothers, and we're here to discuss cars, car repair, and Superman. When you apply to NYU, you have to fill out a questionnaire. And question 3A is this. In order for the admission staff of our college to get to know you, the applicant, better,

we ask that you answer the following question. Are there any significant experiences you have had or accomplishments you have realized that have helped to define you as a person? And the following, someone claims was an essay written by an applicant and was actually accepted and is now attending NYU. Go for it. Here's his answer. I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I've been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient

in the area of heat retention. I write award-winning operas, and I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days at a time. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing. I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed and I cook 30-minute brownies in 20 minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love and an outlaw in Peru. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon basin.

I mean, you can imagine writing this for NYU. Harvard would be better. A village in the Amazon basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello. I was scouted by the Mets. I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I'm a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I've been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations with the CIA.

I sleep once a week. When I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me. I breed prize-winning clams, I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis. But I have not yetlet, I have performed open heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

But I have not yet gone to college. Ah. Wow! But I have not yet gone to college. Great ending, great ending. What an essay. What an essay, woo! All right, it's time for the new puzzle.

Let's get serious for a minute. Yeah, new puzzle. I received several emails. Yeah, which were? Exactly the new puzzle. Let's get serious for a minute. Yeah, new puzzle. Now, I received several emails. Yeah, which were exactly the same puzzle. Oh. They may have all come from the same guy, actually. I don't know, but here it is. You're driving in your automobile on a fine spring afternoon.

Oh, I see. That intro of you've received several means you don't have to give anyone a free hat. I couldn't remember who it was. Because you don't know who it was. No, I just remembered it. I said, oh this is pretty cute. Nice try. And I immediately lost the person's name or those person's names. Anyway, you interrupted me. I'm sorry, I'm just trying to keep you. You're driving in your automobile on a fine spring afternoon in our fair city and you see in front of you another car with an interesting license plate. Oh, that puzzler. Yes.

I like it. And the license plate has seven, six characters. Yeah. And they are TAN270. Got it? Yeah. Oh, I'll use my, wait a minute, Tango Alpha November. T-A-N-2-7-0.

The question simply is, what make of car is this license plate attached to? That's it. Elegant in its simplicity. Now, if you think you know the answer. You want to give the hint? Do you think it's necessary? I was hoping to save that for weeks two and three. Fine. No, I'll give the hint.

No, well. Jennifer's working on it. She didn't get it. I'll give the hint. The hint is high school. Oh. Now if you think you know the answer or you have extra time at work and just want to take a guess, either email it to us by visiting CarTalk.com on the World Wide Web or slap a stamp on your answer and send it to Puzzler Tower, Car Talk Plaza, Box 3500, Harvard Square, Cambridge, Tower of Fair City, Math 02238. By the way, if you just want to hear the puzzler or read it again, it's also posted every week at CarTalk.com.

Anyway, if we choose your correct week at Cartalk.com. Anyway, if we choose your correct answer at random and you catch us, we'll send you a copy of the best of Cartalk which you could wrap up and give to somebody else because you wouldn't want to keep it for yourself. Our number is 1-800-332-9287 if you'd like to call us. Hello, you're on Cartalk. Hi, this is Arnett. Arnett.

Ar-net, A-R-N-E-T-T-E. With an E at the end yeah where you from Columbia Maryland between Baltimore and Washington DC oh yeah yeah sure yes listen my question is this I have a 92 Toyota Tercel it's got 85,000 miles on it it seems to me I heard you guys say once that when your mileage gets up there you should use high octane gas well you never heard us say that our next you never heard us say that

did you get that big party to get a big check from one of them excellent somebody was the whole that's right and that was the week we got the check from exxon asked us if we would just mention that some some place during the like they make about 20 cents more a gallon of it. I am, but I don't buy Exxon. Oh, well it doesn't matter as long as you just switch over to the high test gas. And why, did you remember the reason? I mean there are some instances where you would use premium gasoline in older cars.

Oh, but not all the time. Not all the time. Certainly not all the time. In fact, on very rare Circumstances, well there are some there are some instances where if you had a car that was pinging badly For example, and you couldn't correct it in any other way And you might want to resort to high octane gas and there are some there are some pinging conditions that are caused by Excessive carbon buildup in the engine and it's very difficult to burn that carbon off And if that were the case then

I would suggest that you use high octane gas. No I'm not having any problems I just thought once I hit 85 I should be doing that. No absolutely. Great. You're 85 or the car's 85? The mileage. The mileage. Yeah no you absolutely.

Please don't save me some money and I'll have to tell my son he was right and I was wrong. Oh your son said no you shouldn't do that, Mom? He said to do it every little once in a while. Not even then? Oh, good. I guess people have this sense that if they spend more money somehow on the car for something, it'll make the car happy.

No, I thought I had gotten it from the experts. There is this belief that if a little is good, more is better. People do. I discovered the fallacy in that some years ago when I was fertilizing my grass. And the thing says set the spreader for five and I said, ah, five. You can barely see the things coming out. So I set it to 10. I had no more lawn after that. It was green for an hour. Well thank you very much. I can at least say that I'm partially, that he was only partially right. Yeah, there are very rare circumstances under which you might benefit from using hiatus

gas. Yeah, we don't remember what they are now. If the car is not designed for it, you don't have to do it and give your son a big kiss on the cheek. I sure will. And send the money you saved to your national for it, you don't have to do it and give your son a big kiss on the cheek. I sure will. And send the money you saved to your National Public Radio station. I'll have to send to him. No, no, send it to the station.

No, no, no. He doesn't need it. He doesn't want to. See you on net. Our net. Thanks for calling. Thank you. Bye-bye.

Bye. Do you know what time it is? Yes, I do. That's right. It's time to play Stump the Chumps! Stump the Chumps is where we follow up on a previous Car Talk call. This is like a little TV show thing. And who's our contestant this week, Ramo? Our chump stumper this week is Barry from Pennsylvania.

Now, Barry called us a while back because he wanted to impress an extremely attractive female co-worker who was having trouble with her car. Oh, right. The windshield wipers on her car was a Chevy wagon, I think. Didn't work in the rain. Well, they worked on it. It wasn't raining. And Barry, being the chivalrous lech that he is, offered to try to fix the problem for her.

Which of course meant getting invited over to her house and he hoped an invitation to look at things other than the windshield wipers. The problem was Barry didn't know anything about cars or windshield wipers. He was operating purely on testosterone and he was obviously heading for a troublesome situation. Is this the part where they play the harp crescendo and it starts coming back to us? Yeah, yeah, here we go. Oh yeah, I remember Barry. I remember now. Well, it's important because, I mean, why is this attractive young lady driving a celebrity station wagon?

Are you sure she's not married and with a couple of kids and she's sort of neglected to tell you about this? No, she has a boyfriend. However, her boyfriend's in jail. He's in jail? Excellent! And I'll tell you why he's in jail. Yeah, taking pictures of her probably. No, he's in jail because he beat up the last guy who fixed her car. It's amazing what guys will do. Never mind. So, so what do we tell Barry?

We told him to go for it. Of course we told him that. We talked him through the opening the fuse box, identifying the fuse with the wiper motor, replacing it if it was blown. And getting out of town before the boyfriend got paroled. Right. Right. Barry?

Are you there, Barry? Hi, guys. Barry! Hey! How's life on the witness protection program? I'll tell you let me tell you you guys I owe you my life. I am still... Wait wait before you go any further. Yeah. We need to swear you in. Now we have not spoken since your phone call have we? No. Okay. And you haven't been offered any cash securities or morning edition umbrellas in exchange for valuable Favorable testimony here today. Is that true Barry?

It has been one year since I spoke to you And one year I'll tell you what a year it's been It's been a year really So tell us give us all the give us all the sorted details Yes uh... uh... tell us you know so that it was all the sort of detail let me tell you it was a rainy day yes so i want to go to the with the rainy day yeah you know she could write a card because it was a rainy day she needed a wiper so i thought i'll come over to your apartment building and i'm going to take it for you

uh... so i want to go to the motor store and i didn't know and i didn't want to be bothered with picking out the blow-up you so i just bought enough uses to cover everything There is I went under my car and wiped the rag with all the grease I could get on there Yeah, then I went over to her car and I got under there and I changed every fuse I could find And the windshield wipers worked no But when I came out from under the seat I had all this grease on my hands guys

Oh, you had to go into the house to wash your hands Wow you are We've all done this Barry. You fix the winter wipers too huh? Absolutely. So then she says well why don't you come upstairs and wash your hands? And she says I used to be a manicurist. Oh jeez. So we went upstairs and I want to tell you, I made automotive history. Oh, we don't want to hear about it. It's a family show. We don't want to hear about it, Barry. This is a family show, but all I can tell you is that she had a Chevy wagon, but she had Rolls Royce engine. Oh.

I know it's a family show but i don't want to tell you you know i don't know that well that's good so we gave you the right answer what do you know it was a great uh... was one of the big news and it worked

that and and and you have had this relationship now for a year yes because you see and need to be changed. She needs to get her oil changed. She needs to get her rubbing a wax. Yes, yes. And you obviously arranged with the governor so that her other boyfriend is still in jail, right?

Well, Moose, I've heard the rumors that Moose said when he gets out, he's going to pound me into the parking lot like a snake. He probably is. Well look, call us. Call us in the hospital. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. Well, I'm happy for you Barry. I'm very happy and I'm glad we gave you the right answer and gave you a whole year of happiness. It was perfect.

Great. Thanks a lot. Okay guys. Bye. Bye. Bye. Well, you've blown another hour of your precious youth listening to Car Talk. Our esteemed producer is Doug the Subway Fugitive, not a slave to fashion, Berman. Our associate producer and dean of the College of Automusicology is Ken Babyface Rogers. Our engineer and assistant producer is Jennifer Travel and Leisure Loeb.

And our technical advisor is John Bugsy, Sebastian, Mr. Height, sweet cheeks, free lunch, twinkle toes, hula hips, donut breath, two gigabytes, make that three triple cheeseburgers, Lawler. Our public opinion pollster is Paul Murky of Murky Research, assisted by statistician Margin O'Vara. Our automotive medical researcher is Dr. Denton Fender. Our literary critics are Ernest and Julio Hemingway. Our staff filmmaker is Bertha Venation. Our staff grief counselor is Ariel Bummerman.

Ariel Bummerman. Our director of pedestrian operations is Carlos Castaneda, the designer of our casual clothing line is No Tai Wu, and the curator of Tom's Car Collection is Rex Galore. Our staff urologist is Willa Catheter, our director of country music is Stan Byerman, the chairman of our underemployment study group is Art Majors, the head of our empty threats department is Y.I. Otta, the director of the car talk psychic network is La Toyota Jackson, our fleet manager is Oscar DeLaurento, our staff marriage counselor is Marion Haste, and the chairman of our joint chiefs of staff is John Shalai Papa-Wheely.

Our chief counsel from the law firm of Dewey Shalai Papauwili, our chief counsel from the law firm of Dewey, Cheatham & Howes, Hugh Lewis Dewey, known around Harvard Square as Huey Louie Dewey. Thanks so much for listening. We're Click and Clack the Tappet Brothers. And remember, don't drive like my brother. And remember, don't drive like my brother. We'll be back next week.

Bye bye. If you want a cassette copy of this week's show, which is number 21, you can order it electronically on the World Wide Web through the Shameless Commerce Division of CarTalk.com or the old fashioned way by calling 303-823-8000. You can also order the best of CarTalk.com or the old-fashioned way by calling 303-823-8000. You can also order the best of CarTalk the same way. Click on the shameless commerce division at CarTalk.com or call 303-823-8000. CarTalk is a production of Dewey, Cheetah, and WBUR in Boston.

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