The Best of Car Talk - #2475: Men Before GPS

Episode Date: September 17, 2024

It used to be that the biggest obstacle to getting where you were going wasn't a poorly built or maintained car -it was the guy behind the wheel. Men famously hated asking for directions, preferring instead to try and read a paper map with one eye while keeping the other eye on the road, sort of. Journey back to the 'not-so-long-ago-days-of-pre-GPS-yore' on this episode of the Best of Car Talk.Get access to hundreds of episodes in the Car Talk archive when you sign up for Car Talk+ at plus.npr.org/cartalkLearn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

Celebrate the women who shaped music history with NPR's new book, How Women Made Music. From Beyonce to Odetta, Joan Jett to Dolly Parton, this beautiful book is filled with interviews, original writing, illustrations, photos, and more. Also available as an audiobook featuring interview excerpts with legendary musicians. Visit npr.org slash how women're also on the web at www.kartalk.com. And we're also on the web at www.kartalk.com. And we're also on the web at www.kartalk.com. And we're also on the web at www.kartalk.com. And we're also on the web at www.kartalk.com. And we're also on the web at www.kartalk.com. And we're also on the web at www.kartalk.com.

And we're also on the web at www.kartalk.com. And we're also on the web at www.kartalk.com. And we're also on the web at www.kartalk.com. And we're also on the web at www.kartalk.com. And we're also on the web at www.kartalk.com. And we're also on the web at www.kartalk.com. And we're also on the web at www.kartalk.com. And we're also on the web at www.kartalk.com.

And we're also on the web at www.kartalk.com. And we're also on the web at www.kartalk.com. And we're also on the web at www.kartalk.com. And we're also on the web at www.kartalk.com. And we're also on the web at www.kartalk.com. And we're also on the web at www.kartalk.com. And we're also on the web at www.kartalk.com. And we're also on the web at www.kartalk.com.

And we're also on the web the outplacement division here at Car Talk Plaza. Now, we were talking a few weeks ago about some people just aren't really suited for certain jobs, like the fighter there, what's his name, Andrew Galata. Andrew Galata. Now, he couldn't grasp the difference between above the belt and below the belt. It was obvious that he's going gonna look for a new career. Boxing isn't for him.

I mean, is there anything more basic than that? I was mentioning at the time that the sports writer from Santa Monica who said, well, he just doesn't grasp some of the rules of boxing. And this is a sport which really doesn't have very many rules. Well, here's another example of a guy who doesn't quite have the swing of his desired career. Okay from the Vancouver Sun It's titled best witness Thomas Martin remember that name yes of Auroville, California Former manager of a Jack-in-the-box restaurant reported that he'd been robbed of

$307 as the store was closing. He provided police sketch artist Jack Lee with a detailed description of the suspect. When Lee, the artist, put his hand down, he observed that the drawing looked just like Martin. Martin confessed What what I mean the guy couldn't come up

With a phony all he could describe was himself is not interesting why did the at least describe the guy who said that one of the on the picture that right was too it was too much for know that the truth must prevail i guess well i'm not so sure that it has that that has to do with people who want quite suited to their jobs they're not suited to anything yeah but he did give an accurate description he did he's going to Maybe there was a mirror there

Maybe it was like Kobayashi Oh Right Kaiser so say maybe those deals maybe Give a question for us about your car or about career counseling or anything at all you can call us at 1-800-332-9287 Hello, you're on car talk. This is Steve fromgas nevada right near the test site where they have the ufos all right all of it with a felt for the moon landing she mean that's right where they knew car ground water so we are bright happy people here

so what's going on well i have an ex-wife and we know about that she's a delightful person sometimes an ex-wife is the best kind to have you know work much better friends now yeah much better friend of the circulation around my ankle and neck is much better uh... uh... that's good

i'm happy for you well thank you now she has a trinity of car problems here she has the uh... a uh... seventy nine people are that uh... the mechanics of through rodney he wouldn't give her a time limit on it the mind you could you go anytime that you've been looking around on meanwhile a couple months back from a auction she bought a seventy seven dodge

van and this thing used to be a white flower truck all the windows are painted over in the rear and uh... it has a slight problem we had a towed to the mechanic and he says oh i tuned it up and it just got bad gas is kind of like uh... tree sap in there you just gotta fill up that take a run for a while it'll be fine well we filled up the tank and uh...

i nurse the thing installed several times i finally got to the gas station got to her house and now i what i've had to do is you slide back to center compartment between the two the chair i just leave that color off so you can do all the things you have to do all what i do i'm kinda like on solo in the millennium out there on i take off the top of the air cleaner and stick my hand on that uh... thin

metal flap i guess you call the children that you know so we get us out of here the at what happens if i if i hold that closed i can actually move it forward but what happens without holding that close when i put it back on it just all that immediately now uh... i'd put it back on it just all about immediately uh... i'd

uh... in in calling you folks in getting in line to talk to your blessed knowledge hood i uh... you've come up with a third that the third in the trinity here's uh... van is filled up with two hundred and fifty burlap sacks and i said you know you never get a felt the finger gay you get rid of these sacks if she went to a war surplus store to sell these sacks and they said hey you know besides the sacks we'll trade you for your van we've got this 84 Ford Tempo. Uh huh. So this is where we stand. No kidding so

that's how it becomes a trilogy. Okay I think we should go back to the 79 t-bird That may be the best of the three And it hasn't thrown a rod yet No, it's cuz if it had in fact thrown a rod she wouldn't be driving it around. No, it's it's spun a bearing It's got low oil pressure and it's got a rod knock Yeah rod not so it sounds Yeah, so we'll cross that one off the list because that's a couple of thousand bucks to fix that that's that's a heap that the van the 77 dodge van it sounds to me like what you have is either a vacuum leak but more likely the guy who's telling you this stuff about the carburetor being

gunked up is right and what you're because the carburetor cannot deliver enough fuel the way you're making it run is you're choking off the air by moving the butterfly valve. Right. And you're making the mixture closer to being correct by doing that. Now you could pay someone, if you wanted to, or you could do it yourself, to take the carburetor apart and just clean it all up. In which case, would I want to have a 77 Dodge van that is going to run pretty well with a little bit of carburetor work or would I rather have a seven-year newer Ford Temple? And let me say this was a flower van that's how it got all the burlap sacks

and instead of a right seat it has a metal handle device like in a bus where you swing this metal handle and it opens the passenger side door. Oh I love it! Wow! Oh you got it she's gonna keep it. Why did she need why they need that for flowers? She bought this thing from an auction is some kind of great deal for 750 bucks a few months ago. Yeah well I mean my I think it is a great deal. So do you think it's a good deal to trade it for the Ford Tempo? I don't. Nor do I. She bought it to sell it.

Oh, she bought it to sell it? Let's go back a minute here. You did refer to her as your ex-wife. Yes. And yet, you seem to be, pardon the expression, intimately involved here in her automotive affairs. Affairs, pardon the expression again What's the story well

I don't want to get too personal here, but what is the story don't you have a girlfriend Steve? That's the problem guys. That's the problem Still recovering from my ex-wife still recovering okay, and she just got Well, I don't know how to actually go into the child actress you know so she was on contract with m g m well she had this uh... just a little durable form of uh... magical neurosis all that uh... that may be a nuts as a as a wife she's so bad as a girlfriend

right here and and you know it's funny in between we get along i figure i'm safe as long as i don't cross that perilous bridge of uh... in a little bit of a state yeah you know what i'm talking about i do know what you're talking about yeah excellence and i don't understand now so let's get back to the van we've been given the full of that territory any further. No, I'm just going to step back here. See what happens when you ask too many questions?

Sometimes it's better not to know. It's better not to know. I think we need to talk to her. Is this possible? If you want to call her at work. We'll call anybody. We'll call anybody. Nobody calls us.

NPR pays for the calls. Well you want me to give you a number off the air? Yeah give it to us on the air. Okay what's what's her number off the air? Okay what's her name? Her name's Tammy. Tammy? How did I know that? And she should answer the phone she's the receptionist at this place oh cool Okay Hang on Steve for a wild ride Hang on okay Hang on I think we got her okay

uh... hang on i think we got her hi is it is this tami it all i did this is a car talk from national public radio we're calling you and i think that that that that uh... you know mine uh... interfering with your life uh... but we've been talking to Steve. Yeah. You know, do you know anyone named Steve?

Yeah, I sure do. You sure do. And he's been, you know, telling us about your dilemma here, your 79T bird. Trilemma. It's a trilemma. Trilemma, which is about to be buried in the Dodge van that you bought and then the 84 Tempo, which you have the chance of getting on a trade. Right, it's an 87 tempo. Oh, an 87. That changes nothing. That changes the whole picture. Actually, we have Steve on another line, some place floating around here. Well, he was asking us all these questions, kind of second-hand questions, and we said we can't really find out anything from him.

We needed to talk to you, and of course he gave us your number immediately. Oh, okay. And of course he gave us your number immediately No, we thought it was awfully nice of him to take such an interest in your transportation Trilemma here nice guy. Oh, he really is. Yeah. I've always thought that he was a nice guy Was that nice too personal wasn't too too personal for him he told us everything haha no no no tell us no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no because in our opinion the Dodge van probably is going to be a better vehicle than the Temple. Really? But you're not in love with the van, it's too big? Well it's a million miles long, I'm afraid to drive it.

Even if it was running it was like, oh my god I'll have to go around the block and around the block. You don't have to explain it to us, if you don't want it then that's it. Okay. That's all that matters. Steve didn't really tell us that you didn't like well he intimated that you didn't you didn't want it but he didn't come right out and say it he said you look you he said everything else about you though say that this tempo is more that more what you would like it's oh yeah it's the right size for you yeah it'd be the right size all

right the real issue is whether or not the 87 tempo is in anything kind of decent shape and who knows? So I mean we can't recommend that you make this swap unless you take the tempo somewhere and have it completely checked out by somebody Okay, they did get drop a new battery in it and I've driven it runs real good Yeah, but that's not enough because I I mean, it could have thousands of dollars of repairs necessary. So, too could the 77 Dodge van. Yeah. We don't know that either.

But she's not going to be buying the van. You basically have three losers here. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And if you're to throw in Steve, maybe four. Oh, no. Wait, you want to talk to us?

But it was cruel, wasn't it? Wait, you couldn't help yourself. Steve is actually somewhere on the line. Can we get Steve here? Hello there. Steve! It seems like we're old pals now, isn't it? It's amazing. I tell people this show, these guys are educated and intelligent, yet they're so earthy. So nuts. This has been very very interesting. What we told Tammy is that you're gonna take the tempo somewhere and have some a mechanic really check it out and find out what's wrong with it before you make the swap. But it seems like the swap is imminent because Tammy doesn't want the van. You

know I have some skills in that area even though i'm my bachelor's is in religious studies i've been a typewriter repair technician for fifteen years and this qualifies you in your mind to complete automotive check out it qualifies me to find a good mechanic that's not too neurotic okay art at least a playful one.

They get that way if they don't know what they're doing over a few years. I don't know how they do it myself. Well, have it checked out. If there are thousands of dollars worth of repairs necessary, I'd say make the swap. And in the meantime, I want to say thanks to both of you. You've made my day. And as you have made mine. Again, a pleasure. the delight of it.

And you sound like a lovely couple to me. Tell them what they've won, Johnny. Thanks a lot for calling, guys. Bye bye, happy holidays. You too. Happy New Year. Happy New Year, bye bye. Bye bye.

Oh well. Woo hoo! Hey, we've got more calls on the puzzler answer coming up right after this. What can we learn about this year's election through the candidates' style? From JD Vance's history-making beard to Kamala Harris's sorority pearls to Tim Walz's dad plaid, the 2024 election cycle has been very fashion-focused. But what are these politicians communicating through fashion? And how has power dressing changed?

Listen to the It's Been A Minute podcast from NPR. The candidates for November are set. I know Donald Trump's tight. Between now and election day. We are not going back. A campaign season unfolding faster than any in recent history. Follow it all with new episodes every weekday on the NPR Politics Podcast. Summer is over. You're spending more time in traffic, and the calendar is more full than ever. There is also a presidential election to keep track of. But fear not, NPR's

daily news podcast, Consider This, can keep you up to date on the election and all of the other important things happening in the world. Listen to Consider This wherever you get your podcasts. When it comes to your health, Shortwave is a science show you can count on. We bring you clear information rooted in the best research to keep you and your loved ones safe and well. Listen to the Shortwave podcast from NPR. Okay, now I have to admit that lately,

my brother has been surprising everyone, including me, by remembering the puzzler week after week after week. And I remember it again this week. You do? Yeah. How's he doing this? It has to do with the sun and the moon. Am I right?

Yeah, you're right, but you're taking away all my fun. I know the finger, you hold up your finger and all that stuff. You know why? Because the puzzlers have been memorable lately. Great! I'll take care of that this week. Okay, here it is. That was a great puzzler It was It was this was sent in by Tony Coley from Raleigh, North Carolina

And he here it is in a nutshell Everyone knows it from the planet Earth the moon and the Sun appear to be about the same size Even though we know We don't know. I mean, how would you really know? We don't really know. No, we think. We think. Although, if they... There may be a magnifying lens between the sun and us that makes it, right? Who knows?

Maybe it's smaller than the moon. We don't really know. We know nothing. Yeah. Well, we do know nothing. However, if it were the same size as the moon, that would mean it was the same distance away from the Earth. Not if there were a magnifying glass in between us and the sun. Oh, oh, I see. It could even be smaller than the moon. would mean it was the same distance away from the other there were magnifying glass in between us

Oh, oh, I see could even be smaller than could be smaller You know be a point source of light however that would mean that when we went to the moon if in fact those guys Actually went oh that was all phony If that was filmed in, Nevada But assuming that they did go would they not have passed the Sun on the way And they didn't report that and that's probably how we know that they never went in the first place because they would have known Anyway from our vantage point they appear to be the same size and that's why we get phenomenal like eclipses what appear to be In an eclipse the moon goes between us and the sun,

and it blocks out our view of the sun, and if the sun and the moon didn't appear to be the same size, we wouldn't have an eclipse. That wouldn't happen, of course. Now, armed with this information, you can take the tip of your index finger and hold it at arm's length, and by closing one eye, you can block out the sun with the tip of your finger.

No, not that finger. Right. Now, not that finger. Right. Now, if you go out at night and you hold that same finger up and close one eye, you can't block out the moon. The question is, how come? Yeah. And I tested this, by the way, and this is true. You cannot block out the moon at night. And I didn't know the answer to this, but I had...

The only thing I could think of was the difference between doing the Sun and the moon is the always do the moon at night almost always almost always yeah you could do the moon in the daytime my brother says to me that's why that's why and I said what that's why because the sunlight makes the pupil pupil of your eye smaller and it's easier to block it out with your finger in the daylight and it wouldn't be daylight unless what? Sun or out. But at night your pupil dilates, I believe that's the right expression. It gets bigger. Yeah. Okay. Because it's trying to suck in more light. Because there isn't much available light, in fact the only available light is from the moon.

Right. And then when you put your finger up between your eye and the moon your pupil is too big that it cannot be blocked out by your finger held at arms length Basically the edges of the pupil are looking around your finger. There you go. All right, do we have a winner? Who is our winner? Yeah, we have a winner and that was a great puzzler. The winner is Greg something Feeser Feeser a Pfizer Feeser Greg something Feeser Feeser a Pfizer Feeser Feeser from Dallas, Texas and Greg for having the correct answer chosen at random as I wanted this week you are going to get a Chad's house of croissants

car talk slash NPR T-shirt which is a deep blue shirt with the Chad's logo crossed out and a bright yellow act with a bright yellow X and then we've written car talk and then PR and all That stuff around a lucky guy is he this is really? One heck of a t-shirt. Oh, yeah, that's true. I haven't seen it actually right if you're tired of classy t-shirts with artistic Aspirations you'll love this one, Greg Good luck congratulations Greg Fe Feaser of Dallas, Texas. Da da da da! Anyway, we have a new puzzler coming up during the second half of Car Talk, and it is also

a non-automotive. Oh. Oh. It has an element of mystery and intrigue. Yes. So stick around for that. In the meantime, you can call us at 1-800-332-9287. Hello, you're on Car Talk.

Hi, Kathleen from Grand Junction, Colorado. Kathleen? Yeah. With a K? Yeah. Okay, just checking. Grand Junction, Colorado. Is Grand Junction still the fastest growing city in the country?

No. We made the Californians leave. You threw them out, right? That's right. Nothing but troubles since they got their fat right and also mallack up anyway what's on your mind kathleen okay I have my husband have all up a 1990 geo tracker but not don't make fun of it not yet not yet good pay for

he had all lot of it and i think i brought a car and then i would back out a driveway get ready get the intersection press down never said no about it and yeah and i think i get back to the house and i have to come up with thing had this problem oh yeah that's a good idea

he's what he knew that it had no breaks or he knew that the breaks were too good in the break for a kick-back but do you did you actually have no breaks pedal went right to the floor no actually felt like there's a block underneath i thought something got acne they've got i'm looking down on hitting the thing i'm like well in the world it

went down to the stop You got you got a half a pedal. I got half a pedal the car managed to slow down, but not very well right okay good All right, so there's this question about your husband or about brakes. Well. There's no hope for my husband, but And I'm not real sure what the problem is they went to the dealership and they looked at me like get out of here You're a woman go go ask your husband Yeah, you said I did ask him Yeah, so You mean the garage couldn't find anything wrong with the brakes? Well, they wouldn't really listen to me or look at me

I mean they just looked at me like I was face-cased and that they would never have heard of such a thing. And it only does it when I'm in the car, it seems like. Oh, so there really is nothing wrong with the brakes now? You're not nice. No, just asking. I mean, ostensibly there is nothing wrong. In the morning, it only does this.

And they didn't know the solution to this problem? No. Gee, these guys are in bad shape. Yeah, well, he's my only dealership here that works on Geo, so I'm limited. Well, I would recommend that you replace the master cylinder. I imagine that somebody checked the fluid, and the fluid, in fact, is right up there. You haven't lost any fluid. There are only a couple of things that can make the pedal sink to the floor

What didn't sink to the floor? Well, it's sank almost to the floor. Oh Right. You lost half the system because the master cylinder is not one cylinder. It should Correctly be called the master cylinders. My master cylinder died Yeah Well half of it died and it's it's because in cold weather the thing isn't working because everything has shrunk right? Yeah, and then if you drive it long enough in the under hood temperature gets up there Yeah, subsequent applications of the pedal make the thing stop Okay

But I bet you even when the thing is warmed up if you sit at a stop But very gently apply pressure to the brake pedal just ever so slightly little sink It'll sink very very slowly finally it gets right down to that same spot it does you need a new master cylinder these guys had no clue I mean this is a classic symptom of a master cylinder failure I know well I thought it was something of that or my power booster or something so these are are the only GeoTracker game in town? Yes. That's unfortunate.

Well, you certainly don't have to go back to them. I wouldn't go back to them. They don't deserve your business. No, I'm gonna try to do this on my own and fix it. Oh, sure, you can do that too. That's even better. We wouldn't trust your husband because we know he's a bonehead.

We know. Yeah, no, a new master cylinder is almost assuredly gonna fix this Oh good, and you can go buy one from the from the your chevy geo dealer Okay, and you can take it to your local gas station and have them install it or you can just take it all herself You could do that. Okay. This is not brain surgery In fact, auto will be automobile mechanics do this every day. So we know it doesn't take much intelligence to do it.

Oh good. And it also doesn't take much dexterity or strength. Oh, then my husband can do it. Thank you, Kathleen. Thanks for calling. Sure. Bye-bye. Cool. See? Ooh. Yes. B, biting one might say. We'll be right back with more calls and the new puzzler after these messages.

I'm Elena Moore. I cover new voters for NPR. That means people who've never voted before, especially young people. Their numbers and power are growing. What issues do they care about? How do they feel? What they say can tell us where this election is headed. My job is to bring their voices to you.

To help support our work, sign up for NPR+. Just go to plus.npr.org. ["Bad Boy's Theme Song"] On Bullseye, an interview that will blow your mind. Eve takes us back to her battle rapping days. I remember that when it started being filmed and it was like, assault the camera, assault the camera. Yeah, that's basically how I rapped.

All that and more on Bullseye from MaximumFun.org and NPR. On this week's episode of Wild Card, musician Kasey Musgraves explains how she's tried to slow down time. I'm kind of drinking each day, each moment in, and I'm trying to not like wish myself to the next whatever's on the horizon. I'm Rachel Martin. Join us for NPR's Wild Card podcast, the show where cards control the conversation. The Emmy Awards just happened and we're recapping all the highlights, including big

wins for the Bear, Shogun, and Hacks. It's very humbling. It really is. And I appreciate this because I just don't get enough attention. We're talking about the winners, losers, and surprises from this year's Emmys, listen to the Pop Culture Happy Hour Podcast from NPR. Hi, we're back. You're listening to Car Talk on National Public Radio with us. We're from Clack the Tappet Brothers, and we're here to discuss cars, car repair, and the perpetration, I don't get this, the perpetration of a giant frog? Fraud!

Oh, fraud! Fraud! I don't know. It could be. A little typo. A little note here from Mark Stambowski of Springfield, our first state, Massachusetts. Having seen you guys on 60 Minutes, I've been wandering about the house in a state of buck incredulity. Allow me to explain. Having hacked my way through the jungles of modern day voicemail

dating, I have developed the uncanny ability of determining body mass by carefully scrutinizing the sonic characteristics of the disembodied female voice. Don't you wish? Having long scrutinized your two voices on NPR, the moment I spied your telecommunicated images, it was abundantly obvious that I was witness to a great ventriloquistic charade. Really? Without question, the bombastic sonority, the resounding bellicosity, the tirades of

magniloquent tonal rotundity, all bullseye indicators of overfed vocal cords could not possibly have originated from what appeared to be Tom's meager frame. Conversely, the harmonically raw-boned voice issuing from Ray, a man intimately familiar with Twinkie aerodynamics poses a clear oral a URAL paradox. I fear more than a few will posit the impossibility of ventriloquism of a ventriloquism act consisting of two dummies. That was the best line. I'll repeat that. I fear more than a few people will posit the impossibility of a ventriloquism act consisting

of two dummies. That is indeed an intriguing conundrum, the solution of which might well topple the entire Kartok Empire. Really? suspiciously Oz Mark Stambofsky 16 something Springfield mass 011 what was that about the aerodynamics of a Twinkie? I didn't I didn't get it Twinkie aerodynamics it was interesting. Well, I don't do I don't do Twinkie thinks this is a It was interesting. Well, I don't do Twinkies.

He thinks this is a... A charade. A ventriloquist act. And that there is indeed only one of us. Well, I mean... And he thinks it's you! No, well, first of all, he laid claim to being able to do this with females. Yeah.

Right, to determine body mass. He didn't lay claim to having any expertise expertise with males and he clearly doesn't. I have developed the uncanny ability of determining body mass by carefully scrutinizing the sonic characteristics of the disembodied female voice. So, back to the drawing board for him. Yeah, he might have, we might just be a small piece of research for you Mark so get on it man get on it man You can't just as you said just moments ago before we started the show you can't extrapolate It can easily not easily or correctly

Okay, here it is the new puzzler. Yeah, and this is in the spirit of the new year, which is upon us, of course. Yeah, it has been. New Year's Eve, a bunch of people attend a party. This is often the case, people, one neighbor invites a bunch of other neighbors. Next thing you know, there are 60 or 70 people at one person's house. Big party.

You ever tell me the joke about the tuba? Yes, you did. Anyway, at this New Year's Eve party, there are sort of the various things that you find at New Year's Eve parties. There's a champagne for champagne toast, and there's a bowl of fruit punch with ice cubes in it and various pieces of rotten fruit that they were going to throw away or derves and desserts or whatever. In any case, one of the guests comes to the party but leaves early. But before he leaves, he partakes of all the various things. He has a glass of champagne, he has some fruit punch, he tries every one of your derves and

the desserts. And he dies before he gets off. He stumbles over the toolbar and is well, no, he leaves for some unknown reason, hours before the other guests leave. The next morning, all the other guests are found dead by the butler who had the night off because it was what? New Year's Eve.

He comes in and the other 74 guests, whatever number they were there, are all dead and they've been poisoned and they've clearly been poisoned by something that was in one of the things that was on the table. Yeah. Yet this guy that left early, even though he ate and drank everything that everyone else did.

Yeah. Survived. How did he do it? And if you think you know the answer, send it to us at puzzler tower, car talk Plaza. And he was not immune to the poison or any such thing like that. Of course not. Obviously.

I mean, I, no, I mean, I wouldn't, I wouldn't obfuscate to that extent. No, that would be an outright lie. I mean, no, no, right. There's a diff, I would be an outright lie. I mean, no. No, right. If I draw the line, man, send your answer to Puzzler Tower, Car Talk Plaza, Box 3500, Harvard Square, Cambridge. Alifacity.

Math 02238, or you can email us your answer from CarTalk.com by clicking on the Talk to Car Talk session. Now, if we choose your correct answer at random, da da da da da da da da da, we'll send you a Chad's House of Croissant's car talk t-shirt which is now available through the Shameless Commerce Division. That's how we managed to get our hands on some actually. That's right. Ones that didn't sell, right? If you'd like to call us with a question about your car the number is 1-800-332-9287. Hello, you're on Car Talk. Hi, guys. Hi, who's this? My name is Ethan, and I'm calling from On The Road.

Yeah, so what's up, Ethan? Well... You're on your cellular phone. As a freelance photographer, I'm nearly always in perpetual motion as I drive the back roads of America in my 1977wagen boss named van goh making portraits of people off the beaten path but it's not about van goh that i'm calling she runs like a pop at two hundred ten thousand miles but rather i'm asking about how to ask and receive directions when i'm lost

after nearly thirty five years of asking directions i'm not getting any better at understanding them i'm getting worse. Well, I don't feel equipped to give advice on how to ask directions. Because you've never asked them. I never ask. Well, there are two types of people, those who ask and those who don't ask, and I have no pride. And the other way to separate those two is men and women.

Can I give you the scenario? Sure. Yeah, give it to us. I'd like to learn okay from a lot and having no pride i figure hey let's ask someone of the way so i stopped and go rolled down the passenger side window and flag down the first person on the sidewalk

the man or the woman graciously stopped saunters over politely and look into the open window at which point i think hey i'm lost trying to get over to springdale on route one sixteen can you help me sure they say it's a piece of cake what you do is you go to the third set of traffic lights and turn right they'll be mcdonald then go to the second stop sign and take a left they'll be drummond they go over the bridge past mcdonald's and look for spellman road on your right but but don't take that one meanwhile you've gotten lost at the first left

because I'm lost already. Go straight ahead and see past the JFK Memorial School and soon after that look at the Texco station where you'll see Route 16. I got it. See I've had this I got this I had the same problem as you. Well I already know that you're gonna go down to three traffic lights and take a ride on mcdonald you're going to go through one stop sign at the second stop sign you're going to take a left on drummond and that's it from then on so i always ask people can you tell me how to get halfway there because i know that's all i can remember well you know what what happened to me is that i uh haven't been listening because halfway into their spiel

I get lost in the woman's beautiful face or I'm Transfixed by an amazing patch of fuzzy gnarly hair on the old man's earlobe and I'm done for See that's because you you're an artist You in your train to recognize beauty and things of interest. Here's how I do it. You have your wife ask. I roll down the passage of side window and I say, how do you get to Springdale on Route 116? Can you help me?

I'm lost. And they go through that whole little litany that you just went through, go down three lights, take a ride on McDonald's, two stop lights, da da da da da. And I say, thanks very much. I the the the the and i say thanks very much i roll up the window and i say to my wife what did he say the i i i tell a lie i think i got it they don't know you know that you know that you're going to have to ask that

i don't know what you do to her uh... and i don't think you know that the whole thing and i tell the fact of life which is that i got it and then i drive to the third uh... traffic light and I look up to look at the street sign and all I can see on the street sign is her eyes or the old man's fuzzy earlobe. Yeah, you're a goner. I'm gone. I mean, I'm sure that someplace out there, there is some kind of memory expert who would

tell us, draw a picture in your mind. I've got it. You need to go and buy one of those $39.95. That's a sketch. Not an ad. That's a sketch would be good. Take a left there, right? And you draw yourself a little picture as he says it.

Better than that, a little tape recorder. Oh. I like the sketch. I like the sketch with a tape recorder because you rewind it, play it back You know, it's really embarrassing having to ask the same guy And you look out you see the same. That is embarrassing. He said, was that the third left? And you can hear him mumbling, what a bozo. And I heard him exclaim as I drove out of sight, what a bozo.

Well Ethan, you do have a problem, but you must have learned your way around a little bit after all these years. You know, I know how to get from Oklahoma to, you know, Montana, but it's, everyone gets lost. And my father never asked directions. He had too much pride. I ask all the time, but I'm not getting it. You don't get there any faster than he did. Yeah. That's why the rest of us don't ask, because we know we're not going to remember what they say. I tell my wife that I won't ask because I am trying to develop a sense of direction

And you will not develop a sense of direction if you're constantly using other people as a crutch exactly right That's what I say. I'm with you buddy. Yeah, I'm with you no directions one year Thanks Ethan, thanks for pointing out this very very important problem them. Thanks for pointing out this very, very important problem. Okay, thanks. See ya. Bye-bye. Bye. Well, you've wasted an otherwise perfectly good hour listening to Card Talk. Our esteemed producer is Doug the Subway Fugitive, not a slave to fashion, Berman. Our associate producer and dean of the College of Automusicology is Ken Babyface Rogers. Our assistant producer

is Catherine Cathode-Ray. Our engineer is Karen Given. And our technical advisor is John Bugsy, milk carton man, Lawler. Disappeared. Where is he Cathode-Ray. Our engineer is Karen Given. And our technical advisor is John Bugsy. Milk carton man Lawler. Disappeared. Where is he? He disappeared again. Disappeared from the planet. Our public opinion pollster is Paul Murky of Murky Research,

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One More House. Our director of cold, starting as Martina Never Turnover, and our manager of automotive accessories is Francis Ford Cup Holder. Our chief counsel from the law firm of Dewey Cheetahman Howe is you, Louis Dewey, known around the square as Huey Louie Dewey. Thanks so much for listening. We're Click and Clack the Tablet Brothers, and don't drive like my brother. Don't drive like my brother. We'll be back next week. Bye-bye. on the Shameless Commerce Division of Cartalk.com or you can use your phone and order a copy of 303-823-8000.

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