The Biggest Problem in the Universe - biggst 135

Episode Date: April 6, 2024

podcast do you believe that is that what the name of it is the little cow podcast yeah is it part of the dabble verse i don't know anything about that whole world part of the diddle verse is that what you got that's your guys the diddle verse no um you know that guy boogie that big fat guy who's got cancer i'm threatened to kill himself oh i'm gonna kill myself that did feel like a cry for help didn't it it? It is a cry for help. He has cancer. It's a cry for my girlfriend to come back and keep sucking my cock. That's what it is.

He had a girlfriend? Can you believe that? Maybe she killed herself. Maybe that's why she hasn't been showing up. No, I don't believe that, actually. Yeah, right? I don't believe that. He said he was leaving Twitter, right?

But then today he tweeted out, I know I said I left Twitter, but you're not leaving Twitter. He should have left Earth on a fat ship, a spaceship from the planet Fat Pluto. I like that you were searching for an insult and you found one. Fat spaceship? He should leave Earth on a spaceship. A fat spaceship. I wish we had this conversation. I wish fat shaming worked on me more.

Oh, yeah? I wish it did. It just doesn't. Worked how? I wish it worked at all. No, I wish when people were like, look, you fat piece of shit. I wish I felt it. You know?

I just don't. I just. You know what it's like, right? I don't know. Fat shaming is interesting. Because I just love. I like being fat. But I also like the idea

of having sex with attractive people. Attractive people? What would you know about that? I'm saying that people. The more you slim down. You're more bothered by the attractive.

I'm more bothered by the people. Should it just be gals? There's some guys in there on occasion. Really? Attractive ones? No. Attractive for women? They're all fine, but, you know, my horizons have been stunted based on my girth.

At a certain point, you know, you're talking to somebody online, and they're like, ah, cool, can I see a picture of you? And you send them a picture, and they're like, eh. Just send them a fake picture. Send them a picture of Harvey Weinstein. At some point, you've got to meet up. The Weinstein picture's a good idea. Yeah.

Because then they go, well, he's fat, but maybe he could do something for me. Maybe he could do something for me. I've got to get on that J date. Why would you? I want a Jewish girlfriend so bad. This is going to be like October 7th all over again. Why a Jewish girlfriend? This is going to be like October 7th all over again. Why a Jewish girlfriend? I feel like they're at their lowest popularity ever.

This is what you're doing. You're trying to buy low. Popularity is not so Jewish. First of all, buy low is a good point. It's a very Jewish tendency. You're like, I'm going to get them while they're on the downslope. I mean, the Jews have been on a downslope for many, many centuries. They had a brief

Coming up period Now What are you talking about They're bigger And badder than ever Yeah the last hundred years That's what I'm saying The Jews are

I think they're They're doing pretty good So you want to get in on that I want a little Jewish heiress To call my own You want to tell her To have her dad Make your comic book

Into a movie To force Yeah force me to be I heard they already Made it into a movie. Shut up. I thought we talked about it. I want to be like that Jewish kid. Did you talk to him?

Did you have a therapy session with Vito? It wasn't a therapy session. I go, if that's true, sue them. But Vito's like, no, no, maybe they'll bring me in on the project. I did not say that. Look. Shit, we need half a I did not say that. Look. Shit, we need half a script written. Can you come in?

I have to wait for it to come out to see what the similarities are, okay? I would just go, I would just be as frivolous with it as possible. Like, hey, my friends told me your whole goddamn movie might be my movie. Yeah, why not? There's no chance that they stole it from you. Why don't you just, like, go big? There's a chance. How? What chance? Well, don't you just go big? There's a chance. How?

What chance? Well, I mean, my ideas are out there in the ether. I'm a very popular and influential guy. Who knows? It's possible. You think Deadpool's going to rape a cat with a Q-tip in the movie? No, maybe he will. That's actually in the trailer.

I don't know if you saw, but it's in the trailer. I think it's possible that somebody caught wind of my brilliant ideas. You're fiddling with stuff like you're in detention. I need a Diet Coke, damn it. Well, go. You better go. You got 40 seconds. You better run.

That's not running. Am I going to have to do the song? I don't know the words. Well, wait. This fucking guy. I need a Diet Coke or I'm going to fiddle with this fucking guy i need a diet coke or i'm gonna fiddle with this fucking spoon in my thing you think i put something good in the veto treasure box this week i don't know i'm kind of excited to see what's in veto's booty i like i like the ricky with the helmet though the first time you busted that out dude dude, I'm not kidding. I was cry laughing on my fucking couch.

Because what is great about it is you do have the confidence of a Down syndrome. Thank you. No, but they're so adamant. Yeah, like, you think I don't know what I'm talking about? You don't think I'm the expert on this? And they fuck with you sometimes. Oh, yeah. I'm just kidding.

Yeah, yeah. Just kidding. Yeah, yeah. Just kidding. Yeah. Maybe this whole thing's a scam. Yeah. I'm trying to think so. That's how I felt about my- That was the fastest I've ever seen you go.

That's how I felt about my grandmother's Alzheimer's sometimes. She'd be calling some black guy the N-word at a fucking restaurant, and then she'd throw you a wink, and you're like, you don't really have Alzheimer's, do you? You're just racist. Are you ready to do the show now? I'm ready to do the show. I went to get a beverage. It's not a big deal.

Another beverage. I drank the coffee before the show that you always tell me to. I actually don't know. Has the sound been going out? Test one, one, two. Well. Let me see. That looks like sound.

Why? Is somebody saying there's no sound? No, there's sound upstairs. I heard the song upstairs. Oh, you did? Yeah, you're good. I'm just good? I was watching.

The show's playing upstairs. I'm going to transition over then. There we go. Oh, shit. I messed it up. You completely have fucked up everything. I could be that guy. You want to be Chuck Dixon?

No. You know the Chuck Dixon bit? Who is Chuck Dixon there? I think that's you. I don't know the bit. I can figure. Oh, the bit is that Chuck Dixon makes you Who is Chuck Dixon there? I think that's you. I don't know the bit. I can figure. Oh, the bit is that Chuck Dixon makes you imagine. There we go.

Oh, shit. That's gay porn. Like, whatever you do, he makes you imagine that you're walking in on, like, a gay scene. Oh, so he's the producer of that Nickelodeon documentary where it's like, slime? That's cum? It's like, who decided that? Imagine you turn on a children's television program, and it's full of cum. Yeah.

Nobody wants that. Yeah. That's his bit. I don't and it's full of cum. Yeah. Nobody wants that. Yeah. That's his bit. I don't think anybody made that. Right. Yeah. We can save Chuck. But he's a right wing, you know.

Oh, yeah. No, he's defending the children. Right. Yeah. Right. Imagine a bunch of kids soaked in cum. You wouldn't want that, would you? Yeah.

Is that what he does or not? He's got it in his head. Horseman? That's Chuck Dixon's, yeah. Okay. Imagine a big horse came at you down an alleyway and tried to rape you with a big stick. No one wants that. And he was underage.

And he was underage. The horse was underage? The horse was only 18 months old. Oh, my God. As it turns out. There's a lot going on. Are you guys ready? Yeah.

Are you ready for Vito's booty this week? Why do you immediately lead with that? Like it's a special is going to happen. Am I starting to look like Troy McClure in the Muppet episode? Look at my face. A little bit. No, I don't think so. Kind of leather with the lines.

Can I take your dainty hoof in marriage? Am I starting to look like Troy McClure? No, you're just. Too much sun and cocaine on my skin. No, it's a very Tom Selleck look. You look more like Los Feliz Tom Selleck. Los Feliz. Yeah.

Are you going to go with me to. What do you call it? Los Feliz? Because you're one of these guys. Los Feliz. Yeah, he lives in Los Feliz. You get a mortgage going and they go like, this is how we say it when we own land. Los Angeles.

Let the peons use the correct Hispanic pronunciation. Yeah. Can I have your dainty hoof in marriage like that? You look good. All right. Are you guys ready? Yeah. Big comedy show.

Josh Denny is here today. Yeah. Here we go. That's very low. Biggest. Topgest...problem. It's always fucking meta. If you ever ask Vito to bring it, he will not. Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe.

The only show that brings you cringy corporate promotion to Vito trying to eat everything in the ocean. Your host, Dick Mashman. Joining me as always is Vito Gisualdi. Joining us also is Josh Denny. Josh Denny, how you doing? I'm good, man. It's good to see you guys. It's been a little while. It's been a while.

I think your last appearance I was updating the show graphic was May of last year. They're saying rip car in the chat. Yeah, we've never addressed this, by the way, publicly. We've only addressed not publicly. I just want to tell you, fuck you forever for making me side with destiny. Because he was 100% right on his take of the entire incident of the RIP car. He goes, well, were you making fun of his religion? And he's like, well, not really.

He's like, yeah, but you were, though. We're all praying for you over here, Vito. Hold on. I was not making fun of your religion. We. The we. It's always we. I'm always we. I don't even know you. I said Dick wasn't praying. I'm not fucking praying for you. Don't speak for Dick. When I think of Josh Denner, I don't think, oh, that big

religious guy who prays all the time. And you are correct. That's not me. I'm not that kind of religious. Okay, well, then I'm not ripping on your religion. I just know that there's somebody out there. It's not like you're a priest or something. Teeing mes all the time. And you are correct. That's not me. I'm not that kind of religious. Okay, well, then I'm not ripping on your religion. I just know that there's somebody out there. It's not like you're a priest or something. Teeing me up all these wins. We're all praying for you, Priest Denny. Come on, it was not a religious thing.

But it was intended to be cunty. And then you go, well, he's a comic. We're comics, right? They go, well, yeah, but you wouldn't call somebody after their kid hung themselves and be like, what a faggot, right? Your car is different from your kid getting hung. That's different. It wasn't even your car. If someone else's kid got hung,

that's a whole different thing. It prevented me from ever renting from that company ever again. Yeah, exactly. That's like someone else's daughter. But then I had to go out and get a new stripper, which was a process. I'm sorry, your preferred stripper is dead. I like renting them. Now I had to go out and get a new stripper, which was a process. That's a huge pain in the ass. No problem. I'm sorry, your preferred stripper is dead. Yeah, I like renting them.

Now I had to buy. Well, that's how it goes. We are here in the beautiful Biggest Problems studio, excited for yet another show. Yeah. It's been a wild week. You know what else? He pretends he doesn't know why people are pissed at him. Yeah.

Did you see him pretending why he didn't know that? Oh, because Star Wars girl's mad at me? Yeah, Star Wars girl blocked him on Twitter. I don't actually know why she's mad at me. Let's see. Does it maybe start with the 12 months of Melanie Mack harassment that's part of the- But is she like really good friends with Melanie Mack? I guess she is.

She's more friends with them than with you. They're all part of the mayorverse, aren't they? Yeah, the mayorverse. Everyone has a verse now. You call Nina Infinity a goblin or something? She is a goblin. I've had to. And a C word. But is mint salad... Okay, here's the other thing.

I don't watch these shows without my dick in my hand. Yeah, okay. I'm beating off frantically to Chrissy Mayer. Wait, you do it with his dick in your hand? You picked Chrissy Mayer of all of them to beat off to? Yeah, because she's got that kid in there, so it's a two for one special. Anyway.

Here we go. We didn't even have to go there. That's comedy. Dude. Do it a bit. She just had the kid, bro. I think so. I might have dreamed that. I think she had it.

That sexy baby bump. Anyway, I don't know who. Oh. I think she had it. Baby bump. That sexy baby bump. Anyway, I don't know who hangs out with who. Frank's not going to like any of this. Oh, I'm afraid. No. You know, he's like, you made me defend you as a pedophile against this man. Frank, me and Frank are okay now. Frank came to me in some DMs.

We had a discussion. It was funny. He came to you? Yeah. And now you're talking about coming to his unborn child. Oh, not really. Or born. I don't know if I made that up. Is there a counter on her yet? The baby?

I tried to say Chrissy Mayer. We have like 18 years and two months on the counter. Vito has doom clocks in his place like Ozymandias from Watchmen where it's like just different different child. I was making a pregnancy fetish. I was not making a pregnancy fetish joke.

That's it. It was a joke. It's a pedophile joke. A pregnancy fetish is not a pedophile thing, is it? I mean, you're the expert. I don't know. I have a pregnancy fetish. I know some guys do. Well, then you've narrowed it down. I've narrowed it down. To one. I almost had one one time because I was doing

a show in North Dakota and the hottest chick there actually happened to be pregnant. And I was like, do I think it was like one of those pregnant enough to see like this much. It is kind of weird. Yeah. Now I think seven, eight months or whatever. But other than having sex in the presence of a child, they go from like a fat guy to like an appliance. Well, it also was at the appliance.

She's pulling a full Danny body. Yeah. Despite all of her efforts to work out beyond that. But yeah, the North Dakota chick, I saw her from the back and she was wearing one of those Marty McFly North Face vests. So she looks slim and trim from the back and then she

turned to the side. But then I was chatting her up at the bar and I was like, I think I could do this. She was smoking a couple cigarettes and knocking some drinks back and she's like, alright, she's down to party. And the guy who put that in there showed up and weirded the whole deal. That sucks. Cock blocking fathers.

I was going to say real quick is. I'll tell you, she was white. I guess mint salad. Would have never happened if she weren't. I was going to ask. I was going to ask what race. And I was like, what a stupid question. Yeah, the father showed up.

Oh, yeah. You know what that means. Oh, yeah, you know, they're running, like, some kind of outreach program to race mix. Yeah, they used to have big brothers and sisters. Now they have, like, new dads. Yeah. Yeah. Would you like to be a new dad?

You can go in there, and they've got, like, a whiteboard, and you can write your name up and sign up. It's pretty cool. I was trying to figure out, does a mid-salad go on Chrissy Mara's show now? Well, I don't know. Sometimes, right? That's a person? You want to weasel your way in?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm saying I've had to kind of back off of, I don't want to cause trouble for people. That's a lie. Okay. Who are you lying that lie to? I know a certain illustrated industry that would disagree with you. Who's believed that obvious lie, an idiot? I don't want there to be bad blood.

You know, I want everybody to be able to go on whatever show they want and have fun. And that's it. Okay, I don't. Yeah, I know. So we're fighting now. Okay. We're at odds. Who are you talking about?

Why are you bringing this weird apology in it right at the front? It's not an apology. Are you not fighting with Null anymore? No, I'm fighting with, I don't know who I'm fighting with. We're on good terms. I got a new car. I blew yours up on the way in, though, so that'll be a nice treat. Spit all over it.

I like my car. Nina sent me a weird DM where she called me a liar and then said I hurt her feelings. I was like, that's a hell of a way to start that. Nina also sent me a bunch of weird DMs. And it worked on you. It didn't work on me. It didn't work. I don't know.

It clearly worked because you're all fucking verklempt over here apologizing for something. And it worked on you. It didn't work on me. It didn't work. I don't know. It clearly worked because you're all fucking verklempt over here apologizing for something. I'm not apologizing. All I'm saying is I don't want to cause trouble for other people in the network or whatever else. What? I don't know. The network of Hezbollah and

Hamas? I just get people come to me and you know, it's like... I always thought Switzerland was a small country Switzerland ain't Luxembourg I don't know why Star Wars girl banned Or blocked me That's it I don't know why

Maybe it's because I hate Nina Infinity And I still hate Nina Infinity I also hate that we call these people By their fucking screen names I don't know what her real name is The first year of the internet. You know what I mean? I want to see where this is going.

I don't know where it's going. It's just an awkward situation. For whom? Not for her. For everybody. No, not for me. Well, that's the thing. I didn't think it was weird.

I thought everybody just kind of understood. It's like, hey, if there's little drama beefs between people, like, hey, just don't get involved. So you guys shit on people on the show, and then you try to make nice outside of the show, and then throw him under the bus? Not even trying to make- Is that what you've been-

Have you been throwing me under the bus? No. Who do you think I threw you under the bus for? I don't know, but Josh seems to have his finger on the pulse. No, no, that's just what I assumed from your body language. I'm just always getting messages from people like, hey, Vito, you know, it would really help me out if you would back off here on this or we're not. See, this is woman shit. Or whatever.

From Biden? Do you get messages from like Sweet Baby Inc. asking about that stuff? Or whatever else. That's like, this is why women can't hang out with comedians. Because we can all sit around and be like, we're all gays, right? And then we'll laugh. And nobody texts each other at the end of the night and goes. It's usually a lot of women drama and women.

But isn't that why you behave in the way you behave? To get attention from people? Positive or negative? What do you mean? I mean, don't you engender this sort of response by attacking people? I just say what I think. And I get in trouble because the things I think are not popular.

Yeah. You know? Like when you call women a cunt, that's not popular. Am I not allowed to say that? You've got to really mean it, though. I really do mean it. And this is coming from a guy who throws it out pretty loosely. Look, I think...

Who damned you? Who hurt you like you are hurt? I'm not hurt. It's just... I'm trying to let everybody have fun. I'm having fun. This feels like we're talking to Dan Schneider after that Nickelodeon documentary came out. You want to apologize to the kids? I don't want to apologize.

Look at the camera. Tell Amanda Bynes how bad you feel. Yeah. Sorry you made her so fat. I guess I'm just figuring out where my place in all this is. I'm still figuring it out. Have you been talking to a woman or women? Sounds like it.

I have women. You tell me, young man. Have you been speaking to a woman that I don't know about? I have certain female commentators DMing me. You listen to me, young man. Have you been speaking to a woman? Has she put these ideas in your head? Women are confusing.

Let's put it that way. In a way, it is a lot easier when it's just men. Train wrecks are confusing. You say, how about that, and keep going. Yeah. Well, it seems like a lot of these women want to join in on the fun of like, oh, it's an internet shit fight. We're all going to get involved in it.

And I'm like, okay, it's an internet shit fight. Let's do it, you fucking whore. No. And they're like, oh. God damn it, Vito. I don't understand. You're falling for the trash. Why did you do that?

And you're like, what do you mean? Hold on. You're telling me that when they go, you could treat me like a regular person. You fucking believe that? Yeah, you believe me. No. Feminist. Yeah. That could believe me. No, you can't. Feminist. Yeah, that's a problem with the ideology.

You see them as equals. Yeah. Well, that's where you're going wrong, see? That'll burn you every time. It's honestly not that I see them as equals. It's that I see them as better. No, no, no. The opposite.

In that, like... More better? They're very stupid women. And they get themselves into situations that they were. I didn't say they're stupid. Well, I think they are stupid. I definitely believe that. They're clever like a fox on fire.

Show your work without crashing the show. I don't think women are necessarily clever. They're crafty, which is different from clever. Crafty. They have schemes. They're not clever schemes. They're very blatant and obvious schemes. Craft see like a blimp. Yeah. Yeah. What if I call this guy a sex predator a million times, maybe he'll kill himself. That's not exactly clever, but it is crafty. Cause you know,

it'll work. It's effective. Yeah. Yeah. They did that. This is working on you. How big's your, where's your suicide meter at today? I just, I don't have a graphic for that. I should get you like a doomsday clock. I know a guy who's got a lot of those doomsday clocks if you need one. So somebody said recently to me... They erased a young girl's name off of it, but you can put vetoes.

They said Chrissy Mayer's daughter 19 years from now. It's not a thing. Or son. Or trans daughter. I don't think they have a name for her yet. Is there a trans pool? Or son Or son, that's true Or trans daughter Or trans daughter Could be anything I don't even think they have a name for her yet Is there a trans pool?

We should come up with We put some money down On him transitioning? Anybody Oh, yeah No, that would be a good one I just think Anytime you get tangled up in women's problems

It's just bad So You sound like you're paying for someone else's child Sounds like a guy who's paying someone else's child support Are you miring for fresh and fit? Women have made me miserable Women are a source of great misery They're bad

Yeah They're psychopaths They're crazy Fucking Picasso over here And then if you call them out for being psychopaths They start crying And then you're like, okay, well But you win

Well, sure. That's God's way of telling you that you won. You can enjoy your erection on your own time. It's one of those things where it just feels so, like, weirdly pathetic that you're like, okay, I'll just, whatever. I'm sorry. I'm not sorry, but. You know you can just not, right? You know you can just not.

Look, it's all very complicated. You know you could just not Look It's all very complicated I've always wondered what it would feel like to feel something other than rage And I'm seeing it I don't like it It's like bewildered confusion Like what am I supposed to do with this I just think it's funny that when they cry or sad

That you go like aww And we're like this is a fucking work I know what's happening I see how this is constructed to make fucking work. I know what's happening. This is obviously a manipulation. I see how this is constructed to make me feel guilty. I know it's a work, but it's also one of those works where it's like... It works. Yeah, maybe. I don't know.

Well, anyway. What a great show. Gosh, you've got a comedy special coming up. I do, actually. Hopefully no women show up to that. It's April 22nd. You guys will be there. Yeah, I can't wait.

You've sold tickets already, right? They're free, so they weren't hard to sell. But we're trying to fill it in. What's the makeup of the crowd, would you say? Will you be including a free comic? Yeah, actually, if you go on our Kickstarter, there's all kinds of tiers. Did you get a $40 comic and a lunchbox?

My comic is not $40. What y'all don't understand is the cost of distribution behind the scenes, all right? Oh, I didn't know I was going to get it. No, don't worry. Don't enable his shaft to bit. What if I like to shaft bit?

It's a great bit. What do you mean? You're very quick with that button. Yeah. See, what I thought was, if we're going to shoot a special, we might as well buy a warehouse. That would be good. A theater. You could do four specials a year. So is it sold out or are tickets still available? No, tickets are still available.

People just go to, it's on my Twitter. There's a link on there. Twitter.com slash Josh Denny, yes. Can we bring booze? There's booze there. Can we bring it though? You don't need to. Free booze? Yeah, it's free for you. What about for everybody else? They're going to have to pay for booze.

Booze costs money, but the show itself is free. We've been to that place. What's the name of that venue? It's called The End. The End. They got good food there. Food's free for the talent, too, right? Yeah, there'll be a spread. What kind of fucking spread? I want to order off the menu.

The talent? That's how you off the menu. The talent? That's how you refer to yourself as the talent? I don't even refer to myself as the talent. You got to refer to yourself as the talent. And there's a crew there filming me that night. No, no, no, no. I'm just the guy talking. Can you guys make sure you get the talent?

Yeah, yeah. You're getting good shots of the talent? Yeah. You mean you? Yeah, I'm just going to make sure that Vito's with us the whole day because my guys are like, hey, do you think we'll be able to get some good behind the scenes or B-roll and stuff? Yeah, get some B-roll of me and all the free Philly cheesesteaks. We'll be fine.

I'll hang out all day. I'm supposed to do stand-up at this thing. You got new material? Have you seen his old material? Shut up. It's not that. I've seen all of his material. You've probably seen all my material.

You should do more Truman Show stuff. Am I going to do the Truman Show? Well, what'll happen is your best set you ever did was after a bitch killed herself, so maybe God is putting these miserable women in your place so that one of them kills themselves and then gives you the uplift of material you need for the show. I saw that Robin Tran lady is doing like a- Don't ever call that a lady in my presence. I will not accept it.

What is this? If you want me to call you by a new gender, you have to at least try to be that gender. That's my rule. There's a transgender comedian named Robin Tran, who was also at that wake for my dead friend. Yeah, it's an Asian. She was his dead friend. I didn't know her at all. Yeah. Wait, you didn't know Sarah?

I did. I'm just saying, you could have said our dead friend. I just feel excluded. You were there. It's my dead friend. I don't think you have any grief either. I don't know why Star Wars girl bought you. Can I tell one story today without getting immediately shit on?

That's what the show is. Robin Tran was at the wake and bombed, I'm going to say, up on stage. Yeah. And then I got up there and I dominated. Killed. And I don't know why I'm not getting a Netflix comedy special. I guess it's not based on- I can tell you why.

I can give you one reason. I know why. Is it the pants? It's what's in the pants. It's what's in the pants. It's in the pants. It's what is or is not in the pants. I said he was going to take Vito on a pretty woman shopping spree. Yeah, we want to do that as part of the special.

That would be a good B-roll for the special. That'd be good. I'll let you dress me up. Yeah, we want to take your pants shopping. What do you use for the box that goes like chomp and clomps on them? Probably a Big Mac container. I think that's more on brand. On the screen, that's a transition.

I am going to be a pretty woman pretty soon, though. I'm getting that hair. I'm going to, what is it, Dubai or wherever? Oh, you're going to get transplants? I'm going to get transplants. My buddy just got them. Why don't you lose a little bit of weight first? I am also doing that.

You going to do it at the same time? Well, I'm going to. You should get one piece of hair for every pound you lose. Well. And then you. And then when he's done, it'll look like you. Yeah. I think by the end of this year, you're going to see a different looking guy.

You're going to feel good about it. You're going to recast him? I've been taking that. No side. I've been taking that. What's going on here? I've been taking that finasteride, the minoxidil. Okay.

And I got a little bit more growth going on. Holy shit. Fabio over here. It's coming back. It is doing something. It's coming back. No, there is some growth there. There's a little bit of growth.

Hold on, let me zoom in. You don't see that? It's connected. It's connected. There's a ring. Did that not happen before? He did an Oculus Reparo on that hairline.

You're right, sorry. It's pretty good. It almost touches. You gotta get that spray-on stuff from the 80s. Fill it all in. I used to have that. I started my hair thinning out. Your hair journey.

I think if I stay on this stuff for another six months, I remember that when I first started my hair thinning out. Your hair journey. My hair journey. Yeah. I think if I stay on this stuff for another six months, you just got to get the basic. If I can get this front part to come back, that's the goal. Yeah, then you can do whatever you want. Well, because my buddy, then you flip it up. Then you flip it up. You can do bangs.

I pretty much just have that one little patch. I was going to say, you want to go with me? You can get a little fill in on the front there. come on I don't know we got a journey on the turds that's gonna be beautiful all right centering on one of my problems last last week it was corporate sponsored memes the big winner I see that was me yeah good job then hoarding number two that was me too many stop signs that was me Yeah, good job Then hoarding, number two, that was me Too many stop signs, that was me And buffet anxiety Should have been higher

I agree, what do you think about buffet anxiety, Josh? How fucking fat do I look? I mean, I know I'm not But I'm saying, when you go to the buffet I know, I'm like Jez Waldy over here The body's done, let me work on the hair There's a level when you're at the buffet Isn't it a little bit like deck work on the hair. There's a level when you're at the buffet.

Isn't it a little bit like deck chairs on the Titanic? It kind of is. You're going to give me a discount because it's not going to help very much? It'll help. A fat guy with hair is better than a fat guy without hair. I'm thinking about going to one of those black barbers to get my edges brought in. Look, you guys all have nice hair. You don't know what it's like. I gave you my hair.

That's why. It looks good. Hair is funny. And I'm still so unhappy. Doesn't that mean you Doesn't that make you think Well honestly That's

I'll make a case for being fat It's all you thins out there With your depression and anxiety Why don't you fucking eat something And calm down It's true The food is very It makes you happy

This is why I only do Shows with fat guys They just call me thin all day Yeah I'm like oh man Your stomach should be Larger than your head When you look at the side.

Like a bikini model. You're not like that, but you work out. You do a little bit of body work. Barely offsets the alcoholism. I gotta get into fighting shape because I'm gonna take yellow flash down at whatever convention I see him at. You're gonna do one of these influencer boxing things? I'm trying,

but the guy who I want to influence is pushing out. Why don't we influencer sumo wrestle? Why wouldn't influencer box is being a puss. Why don't we influencer sumo wrestle? Why wouldn't that be... I'll influencer anything. Why don't we start that with fats? The weeb stuff, they're already halfway there. Are they? They're doing it? I mean, all these influencers are like, you know, weird perverts. How about influencer duels?

You know? Pistol duels? At 30 paces? You guys couldn't hit each other a hundred shots. First of all, you're both going to die at 20 paces. You guys couldn't hit each other the size of a barn. First of all, you're both going to die at 20 paces. Karen, walk 20 paces and shoot. They're both dropped dead. Normally the shooting is what kills them.

I got money out of both using the guns on themselves at 20 paces. Not 10 more paces. Y'all got two more paces to go. Just kill me now. It's like the worst John Thicke. It's the duel at the end. I'm excited.

John Wick, the fat guy. Yeah, you get it. John Thicke. That's a franchise. Four minutes long. That should be your next comic. When have we ever had a fat guy action franchise? We haven't.

No. There's never been a fat guy. All the Steven Seagal shit, but that was later on. That was awesome. Also, they try to pretend he's not fat. They put him in geese and robes. Okay, Jacob Rothschild says, if you replay the bridge collapse video, you can faintly hear someone in a megaphone saying, clear the bridge before AlphaCore can arrive. I heard that.

Wow. The ClawYah says, Vito says, I don't know what to make videos about. Also, Vito gives the most amazing breakdown of how to maximize your all-you-can-eat buffet potential. I could make that video. People want you to make that video. That's good influencer work. I need a camera guy.

Oh. You can't just hold it up? It's a buffet hand. That's a buffet hand you're holding that camera with. Get a rig, like a backpack that you can put it on. I mean, I could film with my, I feel weird. He's his own steadicam. I don't know.

I feel weird either way. I would feel weird at a buffet with, sometimes I watch. I somehow don't feel like it would be weird. Here's how I know I'm a fat guy. You're going to come back from Turkey with your hair all sticking out in different directions and feel weird with a backpack? You're going to come back from Turkey with your hair all sticking out in different directions and feel weird with a backpack? All I know is I do watch sometimes videos of guys touring different buffets.

That's how I know I'm a fat guy. And I'm always like, man, they're just there with the camera, like, filming the buffet staff. I did it for three seasons. I know. You never went to the Nordic, though, did you? That's my dream. The Nordic? The Nordic Lodge, I think it's called, in in rhode island no jesus i don't know about it's a all you can eat lobster buffet no way not just

lobster to the death it's like the greatest buffet on earth okay and next time i go to that coast i'm driving to rhode island i'm going to the north with your new hair with my new hair and i'm going to the Nordic Lodge. With your new hair? With my new hair. And I'm going to be wearing 210. I'm going to be down to 210, 220. 210? You are never going to get down to 210. Vito, let me tell you, as a guy who's been 210 in the last millennia, it's not a good weight for us. I was there once. 230, 240 with the amount of muscle you've been carrying this fat around with.

You were there once when an elevator broke and started plummeting down to the earth. No 210 in that moment when i was in high school i weighed 260 and i got down to 210 i lost 50 pounds in college no like like in high school like the year after i graduated high school i just went to the gym every day i know how to do it um young wx says veto the algorithm worked fine i got your i got recommended your video I just didn't watch it because it was about an 8 year old film I didn't care about I watched the video It's okay it's not great

Man it's just so old it's like old stuff Yeah but He made a Lady Ghostbusters video last week Timely Okay but like You know there's guys who make videos about like 20 year old world war two does it have to be like i don't know at what point you're right it's too recent i should have waited until it was 20 years old i should have kept it on my hard drive for that

yeah you need you can only go that far back if jews actually died not their careers this look this was an idea there were several Reitmans who went down in this film. This was a two-year-old idea. It was a bad idea then. It was a bad idea now. It was two years old? It was five years old two years ago. I know.

Was it comparing it to the new Ghostbusters? No. I tried to salvage it. Well, no, the thumbnail had new Ghostbusters stuff in it. Oh, so it was a complete deception. Yeah. Okay. I don't know. It didn't do well.

It's doing not good. I don't know how to make YouTube videos. Look, here's the thing also. But you do because you're very talented and you have good ideas. Yeah. Sure. But like the ideas that I have, I don't know if people would watch like, I don't know. I have watch. Like, I don't know.

I have some ideas for videos that I've been wanting to make. Like what? I was thinking the other day I want to make a video about the Super Nintendo game Illusion of Gaia. And no one's going to watch that. Make that. I don't know if people would watch that. The title would be The Most Depressing Nintendo Game Ever Made. Is that a good hook?

Yeah, okay. Is that not good, though? Do people not want to learn about depressing Nintendo game ever made. Is that a good hook? Yeah, okay. I don't know. Is that not good, though? Do people not want to learn about depressing Nintendo games? I don't know. I want to see, like, drinking bathwater and stuff like that. I also always wanted to make a video about a Southland Tales movie I like. But you also have to be aware of the fact that, like, if you do something that's super niche because you love it,

then it's going to have a niche audience and don't expect a lot of numbers. It's like when filmmakers and stuff go, I do one for them and I do one for me me you have to know that nobody's going to want to watch the one that's for you right you got to do one for them yeah but all the stuff i like is super niche and stupid and illegal and illegal exactly here's how to talk to kids on a signal or whatever no um i don't even know what that is. Deletes your messages. Is that what it does? I tell guys to put women on it or else women will leak there.

It happens every time. Or I'm going to hit you with a whole new kind of technology which is called don't fucking talk to him at all. Honestly, after this week where that one guy killed himself because of old DMs. Ed Piscor? Yeah. Oh, liberals

and women and SJWs killed Ed Piscor. Mostly women. See, I was going to say. Liberal women. That's why I'm glad I had an adult job when I was 19 and 20 with HR and shit, because I learned very early on of, well, you're a disgusting redheaded man. No one's talking to you without recording it or trying to trap you into a firing, so you might as well just always assume you're being recorded. i don't know how uh has that affected you is that why

you're like this today somebody somebody me too and you no not necessarily to you no no it's it's more that uh it's like that problem i brought up on a recent episode the like the idea that like we have an entire generation that's going to be unable to talk to women because they're all just waiting to meet you. Yeah. Every person you meet, you know? Yeah. Who led that?

Who killed Ed Pesky? A number of people. Have they apologized yet? No, no one's going to apologize. I'm going to go harass 17-year-old women on Instagram until they apologize. What do you think about that? I think that's a good idea. Great idea.

I think you should do it. Should. Hey, fat self. Let's see that pussy. That idea. I think you should do it. Should. Hey, fat self. Let's see that pussy. That's what I'm going to. That's my opening. Look, it really is. I know people who have been canceled for, like, very stupid shit, right?

Like what? Don't, like, make a bit. Like, come on. What do you mean don't make a bit? Here's, okay, you always go, you're always like, Vito, why are you being so awkward? It's like, because everything I try to say is like a setup for you and josh to like twist it into something else okay setup i want to know who you know that's been canceled i know i know guys have

been canceled you know because they like had relationships in the past and then now years later the woman goes like oh you, he was an abusive boyfriend, and he was really mean, and I tried to do this, and he didn't support me. Yeah. And that's, like, enough to, like, for people to go- He could have been worse, though, don't you think? An emotional manipulator. Well, yeah, obviously.

That's worse? Like, the things people should actually get canceled for is, like, you know, like, actually being rapists and- Why? Like, hitting women and whatever the fuck else. I mean. You wouldn't watch a super killer movie if the director was a rapist? I'm just saying.

You wouldn't want a rapist to make super killer movies? If we're going to have to cancel anybody, it should be a lot more serious than the stuff that's out there. Well, that's just called the justice system, you know. What are you talking about? If that's all we needed, canceling wouldn't have ever been invented. See, canceling is what we do when nothing has ever actually happened. Right. Well, that's the problem.

Can we read the Scarlet Letter? Yeah, I'm more into that. Because we don't care. I don't care if a rapist made a movie. I'll watch the movie. No, I also, I get it. Might be great. I'm going to pirate it, though.

I might pirate it. You might pirate it. But I'll buy the merch, too. This is why I don't like When people say things About like We can't enjoy This person's music They turned out To be a pedophile

It's like Well if you don't want Something that was If you can't enjoy Things that were made By people that fuck children Throw out anything Made before 1980

Your grandmothers Were all married at 11 You fucking idiot The Wright brothers Invented the plane While they were Fucking their 9 year old wives In between fucking

A 9 year old girl So it's like I guess you I guess it's like, I guess you better take trains. I guess you don't like the history of Rock and Roll Part 2 then. Yeah. The history of everything. The history of everything. Everything

that we enjoy today was made by somebody who fucked somebody that would be illegal today. Did you see how many articles there have to be about how the new Beetlejuice doesn't have that guy in it because he's a pedophile? And I'm like, you don't have to say that. Alec Baldwin? No, the...

It was a question. I'm not making an accusation. This was a pedophile? I knew it. No, the one who played the... It's the same guy who played the principal in Ferris Bueller, right? Yeah, that guy was hilarious, though. Who cares?

I know, but that's why I'm like, guys, you don't have to make... Did you notice this actor's not in Beetlejuice? You'll never figure out why. Well, they did put that child-looking girl in there. That could be a reason. You got to get that guy, Vic King, to make a cover for Superkiller. That's also like a weird thing. Or a lunchbox.

That would be even better. A special edition lunchbox. I can't draw. He's a shitty artist. If he was a good artist, I'd consider it. It's a weird thing that people are like, pedophilia's bad, but liking a jenna ortega that just looks like a child forever sweet spot who's that everyone on the internet everyone on the internet oh i don't want to i don't want to name vetoes but i mean they always have to have one creepy girl who's at the forefront of society it was that girl from

parks and rec what's your name what's the rob low no the girl from Parks and Rec. What's your name? Rob Lowe? No, the girl from Parks and Rec. Thank you. The black girl? Lenny Kravitz's daughter? No, the one who was in Funny People. Rob Lowe?

Whatever. What are you talking about? Annie Poehler? No, the spooky one who was with Chris Pratt on Parks and Rec. I didn't know we were allowed to use racial slurs on this show. Now I'm in. That's Lenny Kravitz's daughter. Wait, is Lenny Kravitz's daughter?

She's spooky. That fat black lady is Lenny Kravitz's daughter? What? No, the hot one. Oh, okay. The fat black lady? Yeah, on Parks and Rec. That would be kind of weird if that fat black lady? Yeah, on Parks and Rec. That'd be kind of weird if that

fat black lady... Well, that's why I was confused. Yeah, I don't like the small ones. I look at them like, you know, you ever have a friend who's like, I'll drive, and you're like, that car is way too small for me to get inside of. That's why I don't like the short ones. Zach DeRenner says, Vito,

wouldn't you see bed bugs? And then he says, man, they're already in your house You're gonna have to burn it to get them out They tend to nest in pretty And he's picking up couches off the street That's where you get them I pick up a couch off the street That's all it takes

And you can't necessarily see I got syphilis and all I did was fuck one street walking whore Sailors gotta do what a sailor's gotta do Look around the bottom corners Although you live in a nice neighborhood. Yeah. Yeah. Look, I pulled the cushions off.

I looked for the bedbugs. I don't think I have bedbugs. They use the bedbugs in all the restaurants over there. They don't want to get rid of the good ingredients. Okay, so you're just turning up my mic. So the Lowell Cow podcast was watching clips of us. Did you hear about that? I did not hear about this.

I'm excited to hear about this. I don't really care about watching them pretend to laugh about clips, but then Keemstar fired the editor of Low-Cal podcast. But it wasn't because of this, though. He fired him because he was fighting about something else? I don't know, but I really want to get to the bottom of how much money they're making. Yeah. After Boogie threatened to kill himself.

I would like to know how much money they're making. I would like to profit off of people threatening to kill themselves. That's a racket? Right? Yeah. Well, I've talked to Boogie. He told me how much he was taking home.

How much was he taking home? I don't think that's privileged information. I can't share that. Okay, let's see if Connor can. Obviously not enough to be in the clear of whacking yourself. Well, he's definitely not making don't whack yourself money. Does he even feel bad about threatening to kill himself? Because he's disappointing a lot of people like that.

He says he feels bad about threatening to kill himself. What about following through on the commitments you make to your audience? Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly. Please don't kill yourself, Boogie. It's like a Kickstarter that doesn't go, you know? But his life is, I mean, he's got nowhere to go but down. Hold on, you're not going to play this clip of them talking about us? No, I don't care.

People don't know what Low Cow is. It's a dog shit show. I mean, it's like- Explain what it is. Why'd you look at me when you said dog shit show? It's Keemstar's tripping all over his own dick, pretending that all it takes to make a good show is... Just in case people have not heard us talk about this on the show, the Lowell Cow podcast is Boogie2988, along with Wings of Redemption, and hosted by Tommy C., and also Keemstar for some reason.

He seems to be on every episode. I was almost going to be on there if I had seen my texts in time I really fucked that up What do you mean? They did an episode and Wings didn't show up And they tried to get me as a replacement And by the time I realized they had already moved on You were going to replace someone called Wings?

Wings of Redemption He basically looks just like me I sent him the link What did they say about us? I don't know, I wanted to talk to the editor, but... Well, he'll show up. He'll show up. Do you want to do your problem? You're the big winner. Oh, I'm the big winner. Yeah. Alright.

Well, Dick, we live in a time of... Hey, Nina, stop messaging Vito. This is... Stop it. No, it's not Nina. You're clearly affecting his emotions. It's not that. It's just let's all have fun. You launched into that problem like my girlfriend deciding to fuck me for the...

Well, Nick, you know we got a fucking thing to do to show. You and me, buddy. I recognize that lack of enthusiasm. It's real palpable. Here's, if you want me to do good on the show, don't neg me every two seconds. Just let me breathe. Let me be here. No, both of you guys. Okay?

Whenever we do a show. We don't think of it as negging. I know. I know. We're just, we're all having fun. All right? But it seems like everything that comes out of my mouth, I immediately it's like, oh.

Like anything ever comes out of your mouth. How can we twist this? Let me do a bit for once. Well, guys. We live in a time of many choices. The American consumer, or perhaps the global consumer, has

more available to them than ever before. Do you want to talk to Connor first? No, let's talk to Connor. Let me talk to you in a bit. All right? I want to talk to you during my problem. Oh, gotcha. Okay.

All right. We'll come back in like 20 minutes. Yeah. Yeah. The American consumer, the global consumer, has access to a variety of choices. Yeah. Let's say you might want to enjoy a movie. Well, why don't you log on to Netflix?

You have access to millions of pieces of content. Well, maybe not millions, but thousands, probably millions across all platforms. You go to the supermarket, all sorts of delightful goodies, fill the shelves, just all sorts of things that can be purchased. But this leads to a problem called the paradox of choice, Dick. Too much eating. Yeah. Have you heard of the paradox of choice? It is the problem where when you are confronted with so many options,

that a sort of anxiety sets in. It almost paralyzes you because you are terrified of making the wrong choice. This is the primary source of all women's depression. Is it? Well, yeah. Not to be too. Which SSRI do I want to get on? Yeah, not to be too Jordan Peterson over here.

This one makes me fat. This one takes away my sex drive. What if I pick the wrong mate? I have access to so many. Everyone. Yeah, what do you mean? They're all wrong. They're all wrong. Well... Oh, for women. Yeah. For women. Women have most of the power

in that dynamic. They go, they're always thinking, hmm, well, I could upgrade. Maybe I divorce this guy who's giving me two beautiful children. Not if they know what's good for them. Well, that's why we used to keep them in line with the threat of violence, but you're not allowed to do that anymore. No, you can keep them in line with the threat. You just can't follow

through on the threat. You can't follow through. It's the implication is how you keep them around. You just can't get them to push you. You can divorce me, but I might strangle and kill both our kids and you. You don't know. Who knows? My favorite Cat Williams line is tell me my music is too loud and see if

I don't shut the music off for the both of us. It's like, this guy's talking about murder-suicide. They got those documentaries that come out. Oh, honey, I heard of a great new documentary on HBO Max. You don't really like true crime documentaries. I know, this one's about a guy who was getting nagged to death. And then he shot his girlfriend. Because she wouldn't shut the fuck up. She wouldn't shut the fuck up.

It's really a great documentary. You would think with all the true crime documentaries that women would be getting in line. Act right. I'm sorry, what were you going to say? You would hope. I mean, I experience this myself when I'm at home and I'm trying to figure out, okay, well, what do I want to eat? It used to be just go to the fridge, whatever you got. Now you have like a DoorDash app.

You got to stop using that. You guys, everybody listening has to stop doing door dash i can't you know what i started doing what factor what's fact i've done factor it's pretty yeah did you did you do too much it was good it was uh what is it it's like it's like portion control healthy meals like ready to go it's not that else so yeah it's 600 calories for a full meal it's pretty pretty low i don't remember being that low in calories as low as you get are you getting the pasta cake ones well there's a different bunch of options it's not just okay well okay you can make it low calorie if you say just send me chicken and rice yeah that's what you do okay but i'm saying it's not i make one packet of chicken and eat it for like three days.

Sure, but the factor, it's not specifically like... You can get healthy options, but that's not all they do, I guess, is what I'm saying. Yeah, but they go like, do you want chicken and rice or do you want devil's food cake? You're like, well, damn this paradox of choice! Stuffed inside a cannoli. Damn you, capitalism! Listen, I know you're... There are a lot of choices, evened inside a cannoli. Do you have capitalism? Yeah. Listen, I know you're- There are a lot of choices, even on the Factor website.

You got to pick a bunch of different things. They literally do that for people like you who are like, I'm on the Factor to your fucking friends who know you need to lose weight. And they're like, yeah, but we'll let him lie and get the cake one. One time, I got Factor and they delivered all my food to my neighbor, but my neighbor just leaves packages on their porch for days. So spoiled? Yeah.

I was like, where the fuck is my Factor? And then I finally decided to check across the street. I'm just like, how did you not notice there's a box of rotting food on your front fucking porch? It was disgusting. Point is- All those cakes went bad, huh? I also experienced it in the video game realm, specifically me.

Did you experience it in food and video games? That's incredible. Well, I have so many games that I could play. You know, I go, oh, I should play a game. And then I go, should I finish an old game that I've started? You know, should I start an entirely new game? Right. And then, you know, of course, there's people who get these Steam libraries full of games and just choosing.

Here's the thing, though, about the paradox of choice. If you're someone who's trying to sell to people, giving people too many choices will actually make them less likely to buy something because they become so overwhelmed. Men or everyone? I think everyone. I don't know about that. It depends on the situation. I think if you're like a Walmart, you want a bunch of different products, sure. But if you're like a boutique retailer, you don't want to give like a shit ton of options

because you're going to overwhelm people. Women can buy everything on their phone, and then they do. So how do you explain that? Well, they return a lot of it, though. Not enough. I agree. Look, you're always going to have some shopaholics who buy whatever they can. But it's like, you know how you go to, like, the diner?

Yeah. You ever go to those diners and they got that menu that's, like, 20 pages long? Nightmare. Yeah, especially. I wish I was dead. Well, because you know, you're like, listen. Well, order something and you'll get you started. There should be, like, a little thing next to some of these menu options that says, yes, it's on the menu, but no, we don't make it very well because clearly we're not equipped to do it.

Or as any operations guy would tell you, just take it off the fucking menu and make 10 good things. Yes, absolutely. I took my buddy to a diner and I said, order off this part of the breakfast menu because anything fancy, they're going to fuck up. And he goes, I want a breakfast burrito though. And I go, don't trust these people to make a breakfast burrito. How can you fuck up a breakfast burrito? They fucked up a breakfast burrito. these people to make a breakfast burrito. How can you fuck up a breakfast burrito?

They fucked up a breakfast burrito. Because they're not Mexican. You ever have a white guy try to make a burrito? Sometimes Mexicans will give you like a weird authentic Mexican burrito that's basically like swimming in sauce. I keep getting the, sometimes I get ones and I go, I really hope they don't just put a shit ton of refried beans in here for some reason. And they're like, you know, it's great.

Scrambled eggs and refried beans. I'm like, oh, this sucks. Terrible. Terrible. Beans should be nowhere near eggs ever. But that's the thing is like when you are confronted by the diner menu, if the diner menu was like, here's 10 things and we make all of them fantastically, I'd go, oh, cool.

Well, let me get that. And I'll also get that because I trust both of these options. We are going to a diner after this. We should go to a diner afterwards. It feels like you're lubing me up for diner talk here. But if there's a big old menu, I go, oh, I don't know. I'm just going to get one thing because it might suck, you know? In 2000, psychologists from Columbia and Stanford University published a study about jams.

These are fruit preserves. University published a study about jams. These are fruit preserves. They would go to a food market and on one day they had a table with 24 types of jam. On the next day, they went back to the same food market. They only had six types of jam. On the day when they only had six types of jam, they sold twice as many because people, again, were not confronted by walking by, I got to look at each one. I got to figure out which fruit I like, whatever, instead it's just like apple, orange, strawberry. They didn't part that as part of the study, unfortunately. Seems like an important part of the study.

I think I would like for society to scale back a little bit in the number of choices we make available to people. I remember there was a viral tweet where somebody's like, here's how you know communism doesn't work, and he was showing off a Cuban supermarket, and he goes, look at that. Only one shelf, and it's all one type of canned tomatoes. I remember going, seems fine.

You go to the store to need canned tomatoes, and you go, I'll get that kind, because that's the only kind they have. They're all the same. All the canned tomatoes are the same. Mostly. No only kind they have. They're all the same. All the canned tomatoes are the same. Mostly. No, in that instance, they're all the same. In that instance, they're all the same.

If you go to an American grocery store, 90% of those canned tomatoes are trash. Yeah, but this is the problem, though, is capitalism doesn't mean that everybody gets equal distribution. It means that some people's tomatoes suck, and if that grocery store is running a good business, they'll only have one or two brands, too, and they'll be the good ones. Right. And everyone else has to deal with the crippling reality of failure. Food is the worst example for communism because they starve every time they do it. Right. Not every time.

Every time. They starve. What's one example of communists that aren't starving? Are you a communist? No, I'm not a communist. You didn't say that. He's a democratic socialist, right? This made-up communism thing.

Are you a Bernie communist? I'm a fan of a little bit of socialism. Obviously, I'm a fan of UBI and that sort of thing. That's not a little bit of socialism. I know it's not, but for some reason UBI, even I see right-wing guys who are like, yeah, I get it. I like the concept as it replaces all entitlement systems. Entitlement programs. But it's not great in terms of the ideology behind it.

It's really like the ultimate compromise. Like, well, if you're going to make us do something for the poor and lazy people, then why don't we just spread it like peanut butter and eliminate all these other jobs and costs? It's not necessarily laziness, though. There's people who worry about laziness and worthlessness. It's giving a thief $100 so he doesn't rob you is what it is. So in my mind, if it helps us maintain society to give scumbags $1,000 a month, then it's a good investment because then we don't have to spend it.

Because I'm going to turn into a scumbag then. You think so? See, I don't think so. I don't agree. I also think your neighbors will just get sick of you and go, we gave you $1,000 a month. Now you got to die. The problem with capitalism is the only actions that are assigned any value are those that generate capital, right? So like-

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. That's not a problem of capitalism. That's the main feature. That's the best part. It's not the best part. Why? Yeah. feature. That's the best part. It's not the best part. Why? Because it means that actions that have a net good on society yet do not

generate capital are dismissed and considered unnecessary. But what's an example of one of those? Because this is where the argument breaks down. An example of that would be beautifying your neighborhood. Going out and picking weeds. Landscaping is a job.

They get paid a lot, actually. Creates a job. I have to pay $700 to get the weeds picked in my backyard. That's what you pay for that? Yeah. I'm about to buy a fucking lawnmower. But you're doing that for your personal property. You're not going around town and doing it for everybody else.

But you're disconnecting the potential ROI on that. Perhaps having a nice lawn reduces his stress and makes him more productive. Maybe he generates more revenue, pays more taxes. That has a net positive on society. How about raising your children, you know, like a mother staying home and making sure kids don't become, like, complete sociopath psychos? Or just gay.

Yeah, mothering or fatherhood. Mothers have been doing a bad job raising kids for, what, 100,000 years now? Brian. You're saying we should give them more money for the shitty job they're doing? Well, what if some of them- It's a good point. You've never heard somebody go, well, my life fell apart because I didn't have a mother in the home.

In fact, all the Disney movies are like, look at all these awesome adventures these kids are doing because there's no fucking moms around. I'm saying there is no monetary incentive necessarily to- Yeah, up to comedy. Guy's wife dies, finally starts living. fucking moms around. I'm saying there is no monetary incentive necessarily to... I mean, there's abstract... Guy's wife dies, finally starts living. There's abstract monetary incentives to raise your kids right, but there's no like...

Yeah. Or maybe your kid grows up and can provide for you. None of us are doing that. No, but back in the day... That's a trad myth. What Chinese podcast do you think you're on right now? Back in the day, you would have kids to work the fucking fields. The woman is trying to fuck operate that way.

I'd get over there and fuck her, but her grandparents are always around. I'm just saying there exists goods and there exists like societal goods that are not capital producing societal goods. Like what? Like coaching. Being a mom? Coaching a youth softball team. A? Like coaching a youth softball team. A pedophile coaching a youth softball team? I knew you were going, and I was trying to avoid that comparison.

Youth softball is done by parents. It's like an hour three times a week to spend time with their kids. No, it's not sometimes. But also, it does have a meritocratic net positive, because it teaches kids the value of meritocracy and that there are winners and losers. Like all these things. It's like a precursor to capitalism.

Yes. It's training wheels for capitalism. Yeah. Okay. But you don't make like money from it. Yeah. But you're talking about immediate ROI versus long-term ROI. When we stop keeping score in sports is when kids stop thinking.

Yeah. Everyone hates it. Yeah. That's why I say like, if I went back in time, I wouldn't kill Hitler. I'd kill Phil Kinzer. Is he the one that did it? He's the guy who invented bumpers for bowling. So that was the first time in American history where somebody said having fun was more important than skill or talent or victory.

I would kill the first guy who said, would you go back in time and kill Hitler? Yeah. And then I would say it and take credit for it. Well, and nobody ever thinks that Hitler was sent back to stop something worse than him, maybe, like the Jews. So you think we should pay youth football coaches, soccer coaches? No, no. What's one example of a job that doesn't get paid well?

I thought I just gave one. No, those aren't jobs, though. It's like a hobby. OK, but like jacking off, you don't think that should be paid, right? No, because jerking off is not a societal good. I got to cancel some women's checks. I think that, I mean, I just gave an example. I don't know, man.

Well, you're saying like capitalism isn't good. What's the, where does it fail? No, I'm not saying capitalism is good. Capitalism is good. It just is not the solitary good. It covers a variety of actions that should be rewarded, and it rewards them with capital. I would actually argue that sin, not to be that guy, but I would say sinful things for profit are actually examples of the capitalism that are bad for society. Sinful things for profit are actually examples of the capitalism that are bad for society. Like people spending money on drugs doesn't necessarily move society forward, but it's freedom of choice and it generates money.

Alcohol? Yeah. It would be a good example of capitalism that might not push society forward, but it just makes money. Communists and a totaler over here. No, no, no. I am do all the drugs and make all the money because I think choice outweighs morality. That's why I'm more American than I am conservative or religious. Okay.

I think the parenting thing and the family thing, or let's say you have an ailing father who's... Throw him in the trash. Well, that's your thing you want to do, but some people might just want to stay home and take care of a sick loved one or a sick family member. And that has value, but it obviously doesn't have value. That's the harsh reality is that it doesn't have any value for society. Well, okay. It's nice, but... It doesn't, though.

Hold on. You're anti-abortion, right? Yeah. So you want to keep kids alive but not old people? No. I don't. That's the difference. What about sick kids?

Hold on. What if you've got a sick kid? That's the difference. What about sick kids? Hold on. What if you've got a sick kid? This is, so. What about if you had a sick, what if your fetus was an old man? It's not about keeping people alive. It's about ending the life of someone without their consent. Right. I think we should start talking to some of these old people and go like, what are you

hanging out for? Like, we could speed this up for you. What if they don't want to die? What if they don't want to? Then they should have been nicer. Yeah. It's very easy for old people to get other people to take care of them. They're just cocksuckers.

That's the conspiratorial thing that nobody ever talks about with the vid is that the reason that we would all get together and make a thing like this is because old people are the biggest drain on the system. So if you could create a disease or a virus that would wipe them out, you'd make yourself a much more profitable society. And the problem is we are keeping them alive too long. That's why I think it's funny when pro-choicers are like, well, we have a population problem. I go, yeah, but the issue isn't that we should be killing innocent, potentially productive new life. We should be terminating the useless old life that's just collecting

social services and being a drain on the system of resources. We could do both, though. At least you're intellectually consistent. Let's make a deal. If you let us kill the old, you can have some kids. We'll trade. It's a fair trade. Just like slavery.

Ideally, we would not. If you give one old man for 70 babies. Well, it has to be productivity equivalent, right? Babies are pretty useless. But so are old people. Yeah. Babies are pretty useless, but so are old people. Yeah. Babies, I would

agree, have more potential future utility. To take my money? Well, I don't know if they're going to have a job. What are they going to do? Coaching softball? Automation is happening. It's going to be weird. AI is going to take a lot of jobs.

I just love the idea that someday children will have to plead for their lives. No, look, I can do labor. And old people, so can I. And then they both get shot, right? Now we've got a movie. Now we've got a game show. That's called communism. Who can produce the most capital?

And a 16-year-old and an 80-year-old man have one month to prove that they have more to offer society. That's why I'm a big, even though I'm a pro life guy, I'm a big fan of a voluntary suicide. How big of a fan? As much as you can be. Like how much, how much do they have to volunteer?

Like just like a blink. No, no. If I, I hope it's an impulse buy. I don't mind it. Yeah. I hope they go,

yeah, you know what? I had a bad day. Put me in the pod and And you go, too late. You decided. What about Logan's run type situation? How do we feel about that? That's great.

Running man. You got a glowing thing on your hand? You got a glowing crystal? Yeah, that's a pretty weird movie. But see, the problem with that concept, though, is that some of those people didn't want to die. I think we just take the people who want to die and we let them. I don't have a problem with that. Well, we have to convince them they want to die.

No, we don't. No. We're already doing that. They shouldn't have to argue their way out of die. No, we don't. No. We're already doing that. They're going to have to argue their way out of it. It should be like an opt-out, not opt-in. Yeah. So we're automatically going to kill you. Yeah.

It's in the terms and service. You should have read them a little closer. You asked for it. Just say no. Now you only have one week to prepare your speech. You have to say no every day. Yeah. It's a good deal.

Today, I'm not going to say no. Every day, you sit in front of the killing machine. Okay. So that's your problem. My problem is the paradox of choice. Too many choices leads to inaction. I was picking up food yesterday, and my girlfriend said I placed the order, and that was it. She didn't ask me what I wanted or anything, and I was like, this is probably the happiest I've ever been. That's awesome.

Yeah. That's great. You didn't even have to think about it. Were you happy with her choice? Yeah, I mean, it doesn't matter. It's out of happiest I've ever been. That's awesome. Yeah. That's great. You didn't even have to think about it. Were you happy with her choice? Yeah. I mean, it doesn't matter. It's out of your hands. Yeah.

I don't care. That's where we differ. Yeah. I was going to say, I don't want to eat just anything. It's a lot of wrong choice. I would never leave it up to her, and she knows me pretty well. All right, Josh, do you want to do your problem? Are we doing Connor after you?

I'll do Connor as my problem. Okay. My problem is Josh's next. Which one do you? I'll do Connor as my problem. Okay. My problem is next. Which one do you think I should do? I like the first. The one I heard was good. Which one? The haircut one?

Yeah. No, the other one. Whichever one you like. What was the other one? The other one was the friends and the family. Oh, yeah, yeah. The friends and family discounts has to go. Okay.

Get rid of it. See, but I disagree with you because I take great advantage of the friends and family discount. You're the problem You're the problem Anti-capitalist Is taking advantage Of free stuff Why else would I have

This friendship If not to occasionally Obtain free stuff Yeah but the problem But the problem is The free steak sub I'm gonna get When we go to that bar

But the problem is not that The problem is that Some fuck face That knows you Is gonna think Because you get it He gets it Okay

I don't like him I don't even know him. You're saying the problem is someone witnessing the friends and family discount. No. Believing their friends and family discount. It's sort of like the idea that you would do something that you normally do. Like if you provide a service or let's say you're a plumber, you and your brother are plumbers. I'll do your solid.

Yeah. And it's like, I'll help you because you're my friend and I like you. And then people go, hey, I heard you're doing free plumbing. Well, fuck off. I also do it as a business. You know? And this happens when you're. I heard you helped him out.

Why aren't you helping me out? This happens when you have a job like comedian that people think has no value. And so you're like a friend will be like, can you come say a few words at my thing? And then someone goes, would you like to. They ask you to come speak at their event? Yep. And you go, sure, man. I love you. I'll come just intro you and say a few words. People go and then someone goes would you ask you to come speak at their event yep and you go sure man i love y'all come just intro you say a few words people you're really funny would

you like to come do an hour in an event where we charge 300 ahead and not get paid no i would not like to do that is that literally a thing that has happened oh yeah it happened today it happened they said they didn't want to pay you no no they're trying like hell to avoid paying me and i go what is your offer and they go like well you know, you know, we take care of flight and hotel. And I go, who the fuck do you think you're talking to? They're selling tickets to the event, and they don't want to pay you to be part of the event. We would like to make you the star of the event for nothing. For nothing.

We think the world of you. They don't want to overpay on the flight. Of course. Yeah, yeah. Just reimburse it. Two grand, you know, that should cover a flight. Yeah, everybody's afraid of overpaying. so their choice is to offend me by offering nothing. Yeah.

And, you know, it's just— Is that the starting ground for an offer battle? Yeah, but this is what's insane. They should offer something to start. It's called being a fucking pussy. Like, if I needed to hire you for what you do, I would go, I think I did have this conversation with you at one point where I said, Dick, if I hired you for this thing, what would it cost me? Yeah, this is what I'm saying.

I have no idea, and I hired you for this thing, what would it cost me? I have no idea, and I trust you to be honest with me. And then if I suspect that you're not, I'll just talk to somebody else who does it and compare. It's called getting bids for a gig. But it's just like, the idea that you would just go, I'll start at zero. Your move, sir. It's like,

fuck off. Now I don't want to do it. Now it's double, because you're too much of a coward to ask what it costs. Didn't we have a negotiating what you're supposed to do in that situation? You're supposed to have the first number. Set the anchor price. I think if you're the person who's getting paid, you should always set your price first. Yes.

You should always go, this is what it is. That was my thing, anchor pricing. And there should be some- Because then you're fighting around your number. I think the first person that says anything loses. Maybe. I don't know, man. But I think you should stop thinking about it in terms of winning or losing.

You decide what you're worth, and that should be what your ask is. Well, you should determine what you're worth and then ask for significantly more of it and argue down. No. How about you just skip all the bullshit and go, no, this is what it costs. And this is how I arrive at that number. People are stupid. And then you say, do you want this amount or you can go in this door? Do I have to wear a costume to do it?

Fucking deal or no deal. All salary negotiations should be a Zonk type situation. Wayne Brady Masterson over here. I'm going to slide you three pieces of paper. One of them has a number. Two of them are death and one of them is a price. This one has a picture of a gun on it. You look up and the guy just shoots you in the head.

Surprise, the third is also death. What was it? That they wanted you to emcee? No, they want me to perform it. No, no. And this is because they. By the way, there is no gig I wouldn't take, but I'm not going to take it for not my price. Well, you know, so they saw that you had done a solid for a friend in the comedy community,

and they thought they were entitled- No, not in the comedy community. Just a friend. Yeah, just a buddy of mine was doing a fundraiser for his nonprofit, and he said- Nonprofits, man. I know, so everyone thinks that you just- They're owed the world. Oh, yes, yeah.

And by the way, nobody that runs a nonprofit- You don't understand. We're raising money for ourselves over here. Yes're doing a great thing. Yeah. We could morph this problem into nonprofit because guess what? There is profit. It's all going into the pocket of the person who runs the nonprofit. But the organization isn't profiting. Yeah, you are, man. You're like a plumber. We don't make any money. Yeah, neither does my half a million dollar a year business. I don't make any money either. Right, the IRS?

Where's my camera? See, I like getting the friends. But I get the legit friends and family discount. I'm not trying to piggyback on anyone else. Yeah, but the right response to a friends and family discount is, hey, man, I appreciate you doing that solid for me. The next time somebody asks me for you you I'm going to make sure they pay you what you're worth

you don't just go, oh yeah, he was free and then they go, oh so he's free all the time imagine if that ever happened with a woman's pussy well she let me you know, I fucked her for free I think that is what happens with women's pussy that's like the entire thing

yeah, I fucked her, she's a whore and then they get all pissed off, why'd I fucked her. She's a whore. Yeah. And then they get all pissed off. Why'd you tell him that I was a whore? Yeah. Now I have to give it away to everybody. Like, that is the secret unsaid negotiation. I was going to get some dinners out of that guy.

Yeah, not now. Thanks a lot. Yeah. My dinner price just plummeted. Yeah, but then, but the economy, but that woman should be able to sell herself and go, well, I fucked him for free because he's better looking than you. You're a disgusting pile of trash. You have to pay.

I would go, hats off to you, madam. A good business you've done. This happened to Ethan VanSkyver, didn't it? He offered Yellow Flash to do his cover of his comic book. He said four grand. I think Yellow Flash was mad. He thought he deserved a better rate. Free one.

Free comic. Yeah, basically. But you should justify. If you're going to have an ask, you should be able to justify it. Yeah. Well, the ask is, Ethan VanSkyver knows if he does a cover for someone's comic, you'll sell $4,000 worth of extra copies alone because you also get his built-in fan base and everything. $4,000 is probably a pretty good deal. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Nobody gets paid in exposure. Stop that fucking communist bullshit. No, no, no, no, no. This is different. The other way. This is different. The other way. Yeah.

The other guy gets his comic sold because his art is on it. It's like paying what's-his-name. It's like buying customers. Yeah, but then you would just be cut in on the profits. No, no, no, no. If there was really a monetary value to that, then you're saying I'll give you points on the back end. Snoop Dogg charges, I think he said it was like 500K to do like 30 seconds on a track.

Ah. Because then your song says featuring Snoop Dogg and you automatically sell an extra half a million at it. Yeah, but I would go, wow, is that the number? Show me how that equals that. And he would be like, it's what it costs, motherfucker. Because if he showed you the numbers, he'd show you that you make maybe probably

50 grand more. And he's getting 10x what the actual ROI is. I don't remember the exact number, but I know that when I'm on there and I see on the Spotify, it's like featuring Drake or featuring Snoop. Featuring Drake. If it says featuring Drake, all of a sudden you're like, ooh,

hold on, this might be something here. I'm just saying, like, I handled all the business side of our tours for the last two years. What are you talking about? Yeah, you can. Featuring. It's like a Will Ferrell. Like, how much Will Ferrell shit was out there for a while? You never see, like, the Dave Chappelle, you know, the Vito Giswalti special featuring Dave Chappelle.

They should do that with comedy specials. No. He comes in, He does two jokes in the middle. Hold on. Hold on. Let me get in on this. And then there's two jokes and then he leaves you with the rest of the special. A feature verse. Yeah. Well, I guess I fucked it up

by having used to. Yeah, you're an idiot. You should have paid a big guy. I just went, I want my friends there because I'll have more fun and I'll be better. If it was the Josh Denny comedy special featuring Joe Rogan, you'd go, oh, all right. Everybody loves Joe Rogan. Yeah, but don't you want to get somewhere on the merits of your own fucking work once in your life? No. Not at this point.

What are you talking about? I'm doing a show. I'm just taking Dick Madison's money. Wow, the truth comes out. Dick Madison said, you want an Eric July show. Yeah, maybe I'm just old school in that way. No, I get it. I started doing the business side of comedy for other people,

and they're like, wow, so everything's transparent and on the up and up and honest? And I go, yeah, call me old-fashioned, but I feel like it works that way. But then you start to go nuts when you try to go, how much of the success is me and how much of the success do I owe the other people? That's ego. Throw that away.

None of that matters. I set my price. They said yes. I'm always free to try to renegotiate. So are they. And you can always say no. Sometimes I get in my head, and I go, well, if I went away and got a different co-host, maybe it would be a better show. If you went away and killed yourself?

Yeah. I think it would be a better show. I would capitalize on that big time. I'm getting good at capitalizing on suicide. The fucking- The Ed Piskor guy. The vending machine would just grab the redheaded one. I always have to wonder.

I always have to go, well, I'm doing pretty good, but obviously I owe a lot of it to the great Dick Masterson. I know that. You're doing great. How come you don't have a house and stuff? You're making a lot of money on this show. Well, there's no houses over where the Chinese food is, is the problem. They're putting the farmer's market in my neighborhood.

Now I don't want to leave. You should open a restaurant. I should open. I want to open a game store. I'd have a good time with that. And the game should be restaurant. They should be cakes. It should be like, is it a game or a cake?

I've worked in restaurants. I know the restaurant business. It's all day. It's like 24 hours if you're running a restaurant. Or you can just hire good people and not. Nah, you still got to go there all day because they will all steal from you. They will all steal from you. Well, you just have one guy with a rifle.

My dad ran restaurants my whole life. You're the guy with the rifle then. My dad ran a couple Domino's pizzas. And you know what? For most of my life, he worked all the time. He did the pizza tracker? He did the pizza tracker. And you know what he would be doing all day?

Once they got cell phone cameras or whatever in all the stores, all day he just watched his parents feel like, that guy's stealing from the till. Wait a minute. That guy's stealing from the till. That guy's stealing from the till. My dad did the same fucking thing. They all steal. I know the program.

I installed it on his computer in the 90s. He's like, oh yeah, this is good. This is good. 20 cameras. Everybody's got sticky fingers. Yeah. Did your father face any backlash in his community for going to like abandoning Italians

and going to Domino's? For being a bad Italian? Yeah. We were the fake Italians. It's like a black woman going to work for the Daily Wire. He got in on Domino's when it was like new. Are they changing their name to the Daily Jewish Wire? I read that somewhere.

I don't know. No, they aren't. Is that true or not? It's probably satire. Oh, it's not true? Daily Jewish Wire. I didn't know. I thought Ben Shapiro was going to debate Candace Owens about anti-Semitism, though.

That's interesting. That's a bad debate, Candace. It's going to be a weird time. She shouldn't do that. It's already framed poorly. It's framed pretty poorly. Yeah. It's his people. Debated on Palestinian genocide. That's already framed poorly. It's framed pretty poorly. Yeah. It's his people.

Debated on Palestinian genocide. That's the correct debate. People always want the inside of the pizza tracker. The pizza tracker's not complete bullshit, but... It's 100% accurate. What are you talking about? It's pretty accurate, yeah. It works every time I've ever relied on it, it has worked.

Yeah. If you're inside a Domino's, the only thing about pizza trackers that if it's close enough for you to walk to it doesn't work well no corporate actually does keep track of your pizza tracker stats so if you're sending out pizzas like 50 minutes no like they don't want deliveries to take too long because it'll hurt the dominoes brand like if a pizza takes an hour and a half to get to the consumer store yeah no it does like yeah No, it does Like they'll call you up They'll call up your store and be like Hey, why are your pizzas taking an hour to get to the customer?

Like our whole thing is speedy delivery Well, that would be odd Well, we were in a college We were in UMass So my dad ran the Amherst Domino's Which was like college Domino's That had to be fucking busy as hell We had six phone lines that were full from midnight till 4 a.m., which is when we closed.

Were you on the phone lines? Yes. Were you like Janine in Ghostbusters? Yes. I got it down to, I probably could still do the whole thing in my, hey, thank you for calling Domino's. Can I get your phone number? Okay, what would you like?

This is my phone sex right here. 14 cheese. And if they're like, oh, I had a coupon, and then I knew exactly where every coupon was. Dude, I was so fast on the phones, I would process. We would do- He was a human internet. We would do over 100 orders an hour coming out of that Domino's. Wow, one store?

Yeah. And what was your average ticket, 26 bucks? We had 14 delivery drivers working full stop from midnight to 4 a.m. Yeah, the owner's fat son. Like, what do you mean? Of course. Like radar or something? Yeah, here goes radar.

Switchboard, like the Matrix? Yeah, but Pizza Tracker, because our store, because we got so many orders, and our orders always took about two hours, because again, we were doing like, we were doing 100 orders. Were you doing the old one for me, one for you? We did a little of that. That's what it seems like. Two hours for a fucking pizza. Yeah, it was awful.

We had like one stars on. Okay, here's the other thing. So. This is your dad's. We were in. Legacy. My father was the worst Domino's owner ever. He was absolutely the worst Domino's owner ever.

Oh my God. We ripped off that. I mean, but he had to be. Show us how the... Here's the we again. Here's the we. Here's the thing. It was... UMass is a gigantic college, right? Gigantic. UMass is huge.

We also delivered to Amherst College and Hampshire College. There was three colleges that we delivered to. Amherst is a hippie blue state town where all the bars and restaurants close at midnight. Okay. My dad's store was on the border of Amherst and Hadley. It was literally, you could see the border from the store.

So we were allowed, we were the only pizza shop allowed to stay open Because we weren't in Amherst We were outside of Amherst So every other restaurant closes The only thing you could do Was either order Domino's Or drive to the McDonald's So again we were dealing with hundreds of orders And you're in there every Friday, Saturday

I was in there every Friday, Saturday, Sunday Eventually I did delivery driving And that was fun But then I kept wrecking my car too many times It's icy roads in there every Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Eventually I did delivery driving and that was fun, but then I kept wrecking my car too many times. It's icy roads. It's hard to get into those boxes while you're driving. You gotta cut it down the middle

and squish it together. Being a delivery driver was pretty fun. We can see. It's not like one of those things where it's like, yeah, take a couple pies, take a couple pies. It's like, the faster you go, the more money you make. I mean, you know, any delivery driver knows, like, there's no like, you get back and there's no orders to take.

You get back and there's 50 more pizza orders to take. This was also probably like pre-GPS too, so you like had to know the neighborhood. You had to know where every single dorm, I knew the name of every single dorm, where it was. I knew which fields I could drive across. You see like half-naked chicks? Fields! Oh, dude, I was taking, like,

you didn't use the streets. The dorms were all like... What is this, crazy taxi? Yes, it was literally crazy taxi. You're driving across fields? I was driving across soccer fields. How is this not a video game you've made? Pizza man!

Pizza's Vita. There was, like, pedestrian walk. Vita's dad's dominoes. Cause you're not. Dominoes. The parking lots for the dorms were like, you know, you'd have to, you could either walk 10 minutes to get to the dorm or you could just drive across the field. On these pedestrian

walkways honking at all these drunk kids to get out of the way. What? Cause your car is full of pizzas and you're just like, ah, ah! And then you get out. And then these college kids would never tip good. But this was back in the day when it was all pen and paper. There was no electronic signing or anything.

So you tip yourself. Yeah, you just add a little something. Turn the four. Turn a one into a four. I wonder where the one star came from. Add a couple extra tips. Yeah. We had two-hour waits, and we were embezzling money from every customer.

I definitely added a bunch of tips. Look. If your car's full of pizza, when my car's full of pizza. And the smell of pizza is like triggering. By the way, these are the guys who are like, the rich need to pay their fair share. Yeah. As I steal from consumers. Stealing from college kids.

Yeah. And then the streets were full. Driving across parks. It's all icy roads because it's the middle of winter, so I'm slamming my cars into guardrails and shit. Like, my car, one of my headlights, I had to duct tape it back in because I kept hitting shit with it. It was just falling out. And then, you know, at 4 a.m. would come, we'd finally shut down, smoke some pot, play some cards, and then you'd sleep. This is probably why my sleep schedule is so fucked up.

This is where I'm going first day with the time machine, by the way. I got to see this. Yeah. Operation that they were running. There was like 70 pizzas at Amherst. The halcyon days of Amherst Donos. Don't answer the door. We had a lot of fun.

We had a lot of fun. But the point is- I want to see you deliver a pizza now. That should be your new video. The point is, with Pizza Tracker, If the store is too busy you can say Yeah we're already on the road with your pizza Even though you haven't left the store yet Oh so it's like just being in LA

And doing things socially with other people Five minutes away I'll make my mom turn on the radio That's how you'd hang We're on our way right now Oh okay okay hold on Hold on it should be right. Hold on. Yeah, let me turn it. I was like, hold on. It should be right there.

Hold on. You're breaking up. That was great on the phones. Getting the pizzas out of the oven quick. That's a challenge. You got to be real quick with that because they're pouring out of there. With the old peel? With the peel. The pizza peel. Man, I want to see you deliver a pizza so bad. I want to open a pizza place now.

I want Vito to deliver. I want you to deliver a pizza to Domino's. Let's all go into business together. It's never ruined a friendship in the history of capitalism. I know how to make shitty, what do you call it, franchise pizza. I think I could make a decent real pizza, too. Oh. What about because you make it in a car?

You know why I always tell you to get extra cheese? Because I know all the- We do that now. Well, yeah. Thanks to you. I know all the... We do that now. Well, yeah. Thanks to you. I know all the... Hacks. Hacks, and I know the pizza business. Wait, what's the hack?

I think I know, but... Well, it's not a hack. Extra food. Well, the thing about pizza is... I'm with you. The most expensive part of the pizza is the cheese. Yeah. So that's why if a pizza place is going to stiff you on anything, they're always going

to stiff you on the cheese. Getting extra cheese on a pizza is getting the normal amount of cheese you should probably have on a pizza. Yeah, but you're paying more. And there's no way to prove that they didn't do it. I know. Yeah, you know. If you want a decent amount of cheese on a pizza, you have to order extra cheese now. Because it used to be, the employees, you just would grab a handful of cheese and go, that's the right amount. But the price

of cheese eventually got to the point where it had to be precisely, you ever watch those videos where they're like, here's how Costco pizzas made and everyone's like, oh, that's so cool how the robot does it. I'm like, it's not cool. The robot does it because that reduces their overhead tremendously because it will only give you two ounces of cheese and no more. Well, literally like at a

Little Caesars where the pizzas are five bucks like that on every pizza. There's no cheese on that Little Caesars pizza. Like this on every pizza is the difference between losing a million dollars and making a million dollars a year. It is. It's literally a game. The margins are not good. No, it's terrible. Especially for Domino's You know why? Why? Because of Democrats.

Because of minimum wage and minimum. Yeah, that's why. That's part of it. Yeah, I went on a whole tirade about that last week. Did you see that? Are you liking how much your food costs now? You want to know another big part of- You know who gets rich when that happens? The government and only the government. You know what fucked up a lot of franchise food restaurants, though?

What's that? The $5 footlong redefined fast food forever. Yeah. Until $20 an hour minimum wage kicked in. Well, until, yeah, eventually. What happened to that? Eventually. $20 minimum wage.

When the $5 footlong hit, all of a sudden the $5 price range in the consumer's mind became this like thing of like, I can get a, I can get a footlong sub for $5. And that's why the price of the quality of food went down across the board is everyone raced to compete with the $5 footlong. And for the longest time, Domino's had the five, five Why don't you just make videos like this about food all day? Three medium pizzas Why are you talking about movies? Yeah you hate movies. You love

food and shitty food. You love the five dollar foot. I can hear it in my I can see the video Domino's was selling medium pizzas Five dollar foot long And then like a big shot of Jared Yeah Domino's was selling medium pizzas. Subway rolled out the $5 foot long. And then like a big shot of Jared.

Yeah. Domino's. Freshly post bust. Yeah. Domino's refused to budge. My dad probably died because of the $5 medium pizzas. It drove him insane. He could not make a dollar. Your dad died of insanity?

Kind of, in a way. Pizza insanity. Pizza sanity. I've got pizza sanity. That's the name of this episode. That insanity? Kind of, in a way. Pizza insanity. Pizza-anity. I've got pizza-anity. That's the name of this episode. That's the name of our restaurant, boys. Let's go! Yes! To the fucking moon! Pizza-anity. Domino's introduced the 555. It was

three medium pizzas for $5 each. You come in and we have three doors. What pizza do you want? For a medium pizza and there was no way to make a dime. You want the pizza behind door number one? And you could no longer sell anything else. Anyone who called in, you'd go, do you want to buy anything? I want three medium pizzas for $5 each.

By the way, one of the doors shoots you in the fucking head. That's the pizzanity. The 555 was the race to the bottom for pizza. And Little Caesars followed suit. It sounds like a video. Like, it sounds like a good video that I want to watch.

It's just crust and sauce and the tiniest amount of cheese to make it appear like a pizza. Because the race to the bottom of the pizza. The pizza wars destroyed pizza in America. And you can interview, like, pizza people. The Little Caesars hot and ready. The second we established that pizza cost $5, it destroyed all pizza.

You're talking about a collision of mukbang, which is gross, but it has a huge amount of people, and obsessive autistic people that are stuck in video game land right now. And I can only see so many videos about World 2-4 of Mario speedrunning, of 4-2 or whatever. I need what you're talking about. How domino's ruined the fast food industry. The Domino's pizza was delicious before the $5 footlong

came along. We had to make a $5 pizza to compete. And the quality went to shit and you get no cheese. If you worked at a Domino's and made your own pizza, you could make an incredible pizza with the ingredients made available to you. But the average consumer has no access to that because they want a $5 pizza. We did that at McDonald's when I worked there in high school.

We made all kinds of shit. You make all sorts of shit. Oh, yeah. You can make great shit there. Who says the same food? Domino's chicken wings are incredible if you get them double cooked. I'll say that. Oh.

If they go through that oven once, because it's all a conveyor oven. Could you make a 40-minute video on Domino's wings? I could make a decent video on Domino's wings. Everybody thinks Domino's wings are trash. If you tell them to put it through the conveyor belt twice, which they'll do. Vito, think of the sponsorships. It's incredible. Think of the sponsorships.

I know more about Domino's pizza than that. You could be a food propagandist. You could be like this guy before he sang the N-word. I was saying it back then, too. I also know a lot about the guy who founded Domino's and then took all the money to found his own Christian town. He owns that town that you're not allowed

to have premarital sex. Utah? I forget what it is. He was a crazy religious guy. Joseph Smith? John Monaghan. Founder of Domino's Pizza. Okay. Alright, that's enough Domino's talk. That's your problem. Yeah, it kind ofino's Pizza. Okay. All right, that's enough Domino's talk. That's your problem. Yeah, it kind of derailed a little bit.

Family discount. It went off the conveyor belt. We're going to have to run it through again. My problem is, let me see if Connor's here. Connor's here. My problem is soap ejaculate. Connor is here. Hello, Connor.

Hello, hello. Well, your problem is soap ejaculate? Yeah, like when you press the soap and the soap gets all gunked in there. Yeah. And hard. And then you press it and you're like, oh, God damn it. It's one of these hard. Oh, shit.

And then you blast that little hard bit out and all the soap comes out with it. Well, it turns into like a spray. Like after you fuck and your piss shoots out, you know? It's like the soap. Do you have a hand soap dispenser? What are you? Come on. Do you have a hand soap dispenser?

Yeah. I just have like a little, like a dish soap bottle. You have a hand soap dispenser? What are you? Come on. Do you have a hand soap dispenser? Yeah. I just have like a little, like a dish soap bottle. Because you have a fucking woman. Yeah, exactly. She's got them. This is a problem for all you. It's like Pee Wee's Playhouse over here. I'm like, can I have some soap and a little fucking hand soap?

I don't want hand soap. I don't want to smell like fucking lavender. Yeah, you think all of our girlfriends are jerking people off for money all the time because of the amount of times they wash their hands. You take one shit without washing your hands. I'm like, you never wash your hands. You're like, I just didn't that time because I'm going to have to shit again in five minutes. Is that how they do it?

Because the lavender smells so they know right away if you washed your hands or not? That's probably why they make an obnoxious smell so they can tell you you didn't do it. It smells like disgusting. Doesn't it make you not want to wash ever? I don't want to smell like lavender and shit. Yeah. Right? And that don't want to smell like lavender and shit. Yeah. Right? And that's what it'll smell like.

They're like, well, now it's the only way for me to know that you washed your hands or not. Yeah. All I know is I've never met a man who refills his own soap dispenser. What do you mean? I'm saying, like, soap dispenser's a lady thing. Just have a little squirt bottle. Squirt bottle? Yeah. Of dish soap little squirt bottle. Squirt bottle? Of dish soap? Yeah, whatever.

It takes you fucking like an hour to wash your hands with dish soap. I don't know what it is. It never rinses. Yeah. That's how you know he's not doing it. I just use whatever. Are you using soap? I'm not washing my hands. I just use whatever. I'm not using soap. He's in there with the dominoes cleaning products. What are you using? Do you have soap in your house?

Yeah, I have soap, but I have dish soap. Sounds like a guy who doesn't have any soap. You have dish soap for everything? Yeah. For your body? No, I have regular soap. I use body wash in the shower. Yeah? No. From who? Dial? What? Let me see it. The body wash? Yeah, let me see a picture on your phone right

now. I don't have a picture of the body wash on my phone. Find it. Find the body wash. It's just whatever the cheapest one is. It's just whatever the cheapest one is. It's like orange. Dial from the dish. Do you use dishwashing soap? No, it's not. It's not orange colored.

For the shower? I'm saying it's got an orange cap, whatever it is. Like flea shampoo? What do you mean? It's like, it says like honey something. Honey, I shrunk the smell? Honey, I shrunk the smell. Yeah.

Honey? Do I smell bad? Sometimes. Sometimes. Not today. Not today? I was worried at the movies when you moved over. Well, I moved over because you are big.

Yeah, okay. He was southwesting you? You did smell bad at the movies. I was worried. I actually went to my car to put on deodorant. I was like, oh, fuck, I forgot to put on deodorant. You were gone for a long time. Why didn't you just say that?

Why didn't you just go, oh, I forgot, and then go do it? I did go do it. Yeah, but it was like two in the afternoon. Yeah. Too far into the day? No, it's too early because he wakes up at like... Oh, yeah, I'm aware of when he wakes up. Yeah. So I had just woken up. We're talking about getting together. No, I did shower

before I met you. So I don't know what happened. That long ago. That's just... Once before he met you, So I don't know what happened. That long ago. Once before I met you, not since then. I'm trying not to smell bad. I'm always worried that I'm going to smell bad. What kind of soap do you use?

Again, I have this body wash thing. I don't know. You got to send me a picture of that. Domino's body wash. Is it garlic butter? No, no. Is it Papa John's? It might be Papa John's. And then I have the old spice

deodorant. I moved over because I wanted to stretch, because I'm fucking, I have this fucking blanket on me from your side. Alright. But yeah, the smell is... What'd you guys go see? Was it overpowering or was it just kind of like... Yeah, it was rough. It was too much. It was rough. I haven't seen it, but I assume I know how it goes.

No, it's okay. You gotta get some mint stuff. I think it was hot that day. It was hot outside. I sweat. I have that same sweating problem. Yeah. That's heart disease for all of us.

Once I start sweating. We don't use those. We don't say that word. Oh, okay. That's, yeah. If I'm not sweating, I'm good. But once I start sweating. You died of bad luck.

Don't speak of it. Yeah, he died of bad luck. You've been hanging out in Chinatown with this guy too long. Oh, he having a bad rock. Really? That's what they say. You say the N-word, but when you do a Chinese voice, you say luck. No, rocker.

Rocker. Rocker. Bad rocker. Bad rocker. Connor, are you there? Connor. Okay, we made him run away. I'm here.

I'm here. He had a bad rocker. Keemstar just fired you from the Lolc podcast right yeah that's that's correct uh first thing though i just wanted to apologize if i'm a little bit low energy y'all you know i've been working don't worry i'm not as i've been working a long cup podcast listening to it every day for the past five months so i'm uh i'm recovering god you must want to kill yourself you have to listen to every episode of that shitty show yeah and make shorts and edit all the swear words out. Edit the swear words out?

Why? Yeah, why do they do that? I don't know. Keemstar said no swear words. It's got to be green. Podcast's got to go green every time. So cut out every swear word. But it doesn't matter.

The swear words only matter in the first five minutes. I mean, it's all to Keem. That's what I thought. You were the editor. Did you have, like, first cut, last cut of that show? Uh, what do you mean by first cut, last cut? Like, whenever you edited... Are you making editing decisions? Yeah, it went

out. Like, whatever you made, it went out. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, I was told, like, to do certain things, like, to edit it certain ways, but yeah, like, I would choose, like, the content that went out with what I was given, of course, I mean. So are you the reason that went out with what I was given, of course. So are you the reason that everyone on that show sounds like a pedophile? I think that was a thing way before I was on. Unlike this show.

Because it has to be the edit, right? I mean, I know those guys. I thought that was the theme of the show. They like telling me that it's not intentional. Yeah, it's to bully them about being pedophiles, yeah. Okay, so why did you get... Why did you fire him find you've been editing the show for how long uh five months five months that's a good run and they were paying so much work they were it is a lot of work honestly yeah how many shows would you be editing a week i'd be doing like two podcasts a week plus like

uploading shorts on every day that we're not doing podcasts full-time job it sounds like pretty much yeah full-time working on it every every day that we're not doing podcasts. Full-time job, it sounds like. Pretty much, yeah. Full-time. Working on it every day, Monday through Friday? Basically, yeah. Pretty much every day, you know, making sure the podcast is green. I didn't do the titling, you know, the terrible titles. That's all Keemstar.

But pretty much everything else was up to me. How much did you get paid for that? I was getting paid $2K a month to do that. $2K a month. Sounds like, well, honestly, for the amount of work I was going to say, it doesn't sound like a lot. If you do the math, if I'm working 30 hours a week on it, I'm making $15 an hour. Of course, I assume it comes with the promise that this will scale once the show is making more money. Was there talk of more money?

Not percentage-wise, no. It was a flat rate. I make $2,000 no matter what. How there talk of more money? Not like a percentage-wise, no. It was a flat rate. I make $2K no matter what. How much does Boogie make on that show? Well, here's the thing. I'll tell you exactly how much it makes because it's not even really a leak. They've actually publicly talked about it.

You know, Keem said that once the show started making $10K a month, he would start taking a cut, right? So he just started taking a cut, so they've just barely crossed that uh that threshold but if they're making 10k a month that means we're making more than them well we individually are yeah yeah yeah oh you mean like total total yeah well we make about 10k a month after everything we're probably tied what do you mean more we're making more than 10k how much are

we making on patreon like Like 9,000. Yeah, and then we get an extra three or so from YouTube. So we're at about 12. I'm no scientist, but that feels like more than 10. I'm saying it's pretty close, though. It's close. It's more. We're more. We're better.

We're better at making more money. What are you talking about? Why are you shy about it? It's this attitude that ran that dominoes into the fucking ground. What the fuck are you talking about? It's close. We win. What do you talking about? Why are you shy about it? It's this attitude that ran that dominoes into the fucking ground. What the fuck are you talking about? It's close. We win. What do you mean?

Okay, we're winning. I got it. Why would you resist that? I'm not resisting anything. I'm just. Connor, are we winning or not? It sounds like it. The biggest problem is the winner.

Because their show is, I mean, no offense to you, but that show fucking sucks, right? It's all fake. It's so fake. I mean, it offense to you, but that show fucking sucks, right? It's all fake. It's so fake. I mean, it's very obviously fake. I mean, I think the whole thing he pulled with me was definitely fake. It was made up in his head, at least, and Keemstar's amazing content brain. Yeah, let's get that out of the way. So what were you fired for?

Because it seems like you were doing what Keemstar wanted. You were editing the show, making the clips. Making everyone look like pedophiles, as I said. Yeah. I won't get into all the nitty-gritty details, but basically, you know, Keemstar, his one job is to run the live show, right? He doesn't do the prerecorded episodes. He just puts the titles up, runs the live show. That's it, right?

Sorry, are you saying – do you have an accent or something? Because you're saying ruining the live show, but it sounds like you're saying he runs. To run. Keemstar ruins the live show, right? Well, both, both, of course. But no, ruining the live show but it sounds like it runs what do you run yeah run the live show right both both of course but no run the live show okay um and uh yeah so for the second week in a row he couldn't figure out anything to talk about right like he just couldn't figure out what to talk about one of those classic podcast problems where you don't have a format or anything you just go we'll just shoot the shit. We'll just talk about anything. That's how the only shows fail.

So he couldn't figure out what he knows. Trying to look cool to 25 year olds. That's very weird. So he pushed the job onto me, right? He called me. He said, hey, can you make a docket for me? Look, I don't get paid to make a docket, but he was like, it's easy. It's just, we're just going to read Reddit posts.

Oh, he gave you more work. More work. Oh, so produce the podcast. Yeah. Yeah, and so I did it for free. First mistake, obviously. And then I decided to work. Friends and family discount, motherfucker.

That's where you went wrong. Yeah, you know, that was my first mistake. That should be your problem. You're going to have a problem since you're calling in. What is it? Like scope creep or something like that. Job creep. Working for an insane person. Yeah. Yeah, like scope creep or something like that? Job creep. Working for an insane person.

Yeah. Yeah, Keemstar's thin skin. That's my problem. Keemstar's thin skin is a good one. But yeah, I said, sure. You know, I threw in y'all's show in there as well. I threw in like 10 Reddit posts. I was like, this is plenty.

They have like an hour of content here to talk shit. So, you know, I said, you know, I structured the docket with the idea that they would all come in together. Boogie would be there. They would watch your clip of you saying that Boogie, like, you know, is suicidal. He's suicide baiting on Twitter. It would be funny. It'd be interactive. Well, this retard goes live and watches your whole clip by himself.

He doesn't bring the cow down. Oh, my God. Wait, why is Keem doing this with the show? Does Keem think that people are tuning into the lol cow podcast for him to watch him yeah he thinks i guess he thinks it's a keemstar show i don't know just do the fucking keemstar show he has lol cow podcast so he watched the clip without boogie or wings yeah well i think wings was sick but boogie was waiting in the call he was ready to come in and he and then did then explain the clip to him was that the thrilling content yeah it was him bringing boogie in

afterwards and being like so what did you think about that but that's not the only thrilling content he also spent the rest the next like 20 minutes complaining about how bad the docket was after he refused like yeah yeah so like keem is like mentally handicapped i think in some way where like does he not understand that no one is tuning into the little cow podcast to watch keemstar do stuff for 20 minutes and then bring everybody else on why why is why is it his show it's the he's not a little cow right i mean he kind is, but that's not the theme of the show. Yeah, it's supposed to be Boogie. I mean, he even put Boogie in the thumbnail. He titled it like that. We're going to do a Reddit review

with Boogie. So start the fucking show with Boogie. What is he doing? It's the most simple idea. Yeah, you know Boogie? Yeah, he's a fat guy who used to freak out all the time. And if I told you there was a podcast about a big, fat, crazy guy who keeps threatening to kill himself, that's not called Biggest Problem in the Universe.

And it's not mine? And it's not yours either. There's a third one. Big, ugly. And you tune in and you immediately see. How often does he suicide bait behind the scenes? How often does Boogie say he's going to kill himself in DMs and stuff? Every time he's done it behind the scenes, he goes on Twitter and does it just as much.

Everybody gets it. Yes, I would watch that yeah yeah you'd go you tune in and then you immediately see a 50 year old man pretending to be a cool 20 something you know pretending he's above it all and he's somehow better than boogie and you'd go oh well this show sucks yeah just give me the fat guy being the fat guy yeah and that's not to mention he didn't even that's your dream that's that that's what the show people want give me the fat guy being the fat guy. Yeah. And that's not to mention he didn't even read like... That's your dream? That's what the show people want? I don't want... Just give me the fat guy being the fat guy.

I want... This is what the people want. When you told me there was going to be a Lowell Cow podcast and it was going to be Boogie and Wings... It's so easy.

...being fat and retarded and saying insane things, I was like, all right. And then every time I go to tune into it, it's Keemstar going, oh, did you guys hear about this internet drama

bullshit thing that I'm caught up in? He's like doing his show to only those two guys. Yeah. It's terrible. And I'm like, this sucks. Yeah, those are my favorite podcasts or podcasts about podcasts. Yeah. And then funny enough, the one person who said out

to do that is the only one who does it well, which is Carl. He's like, what if I just say that my podcast is about podcasts? Yeah. And then it's like, that's the format. And it's fine. But then everyone else just does that. And it's plagiarist and awful.

Yeah. So Keemstar, first of all, burned your great content that you had prepared for the show. Ruined a good bit. Then he asked you to do more work than you were supposed to do. And you did it good bit then he shit and he asked you to do more work than you want you were supposed to do and you did it and then he shit on that as well yeah yep and you set him straight and basically said well i gave you a lot of good content but you fucked it up and it's your fault for that yeah well so what happened was i i wasn't around while they were live i was you know i just i missed his call he tried to call me on the stream

to complain to me about how bad it was. But I got home later. You know, I saw that he was complaining about how bad it was. So I went on a friend's stream. Does he think he's Howard Stern? He's going to call you up and have like a argument? Howard Stern never actually fired anybody, though. That's why it worked. It was funny when Howard Stern shit on the other people because you're like, well, he's not going to fire him.

He's just going to goof. He's paying them like a living wage. And he was funny when he goofed on them. Keem is not funny when he goofs on people because he's not actually goofing around. He's actually going I'm a once in a lifetime genius and everybody should... He actually fired Salvo. It's not funny when you're actually

firing people. Right, yeah. So who's going to edit the fucking show for him now? Well, he's got a new guy with his new little UFO company I guess. It's his UFO company's editor. That's his UFO company's editor. That's the guy who's editing now. The dark money behind the world of podcasting is so interesting to me

because it is always like this guy has a solar power generator company and is like, oh. So all these guys that parade around like they're internet millionaires, they all have some weird backer. You know what I mean? Where it's like this. It's sort of like. Israel sometimes.

Yeah. But it's like the internet equivalent of a girl who's taking all these Instagram pictures in Dubai. And you're like, where's the greasy Greek looking Vito? Where's the one with the shit all over you? Who's paying for everything. Yeah. And all these internet guys like Keem and all these other dudes. There's always a guy who's like, he has anti-energy weapon satellite system,

and he lives off the grid in Mexico, and he's the primary investor in this podcast. All these shows who will shit on shows for the size of their following have some weird dark money behind them. There's a lot of dark money in podcasts. It is. Speaking of dark money, if you do you do the math actually you can see so he said he'd take a cut after 10k right yeah so you take my 2k out that's 8 000 between the cows well when keemstar wants to take his fourth that means he's taking exactly 666 dollars

from each of the cows so i had that boogie was only making someone told me boogie's only making like 2k a month. Is that true? Or is he getting like 3K then? Yeah, no, it's 2K. Because Keem starts taking his 6K. 2K, 2K. Tommy C gets an equal share. Yep.

All of them get 2K. So you were making as much as the hosts? Yep. Yeah, but he's doing the most work though. But I mean, that's not sustainable. Nothing about that show is sustainable. I hate to say it, but like Keem is micromanaging that thing way too hard. For two grand?

Because Connor, like, I love you, but he does not need a guy to go in and edit all the swears out of every episode. It's a waste of your time and his. I agree. I mean, I would like to not do that. It's less work for me, right? Yeah. I hate to tell you, but you don't have to do any of it anymore. Yeah. You're going tell you, but you don't have to do any of it anymore.

Yeah, you're going to be fine now. I don't know if anyone's told you, but we've been like this. With all the swears edited out of it, that sounds terrible. It would be so distracting. Yeah, it's super distracting. Like, look at these. And then, like, Mr. Falcon. That's actually how it goes, yeah. How much of a microman...

Now, I've experienced Keem's micromanagement on some level. I'm wondering how much you felt micromanaged.aged like was he watching every edit and coming in and saying you got to change this you got to change this or was he more hands off actually well i'll tell you this it started off like that for sure he was micromanaging me immediately at the beginning but then he got really upset at the show he didn't like it so he took it back off and he pushed the work of micromanagement on to Tommy C. So Tommy C has been the one who's been managing me. And so,

yeah, Keemster, he got, he got bored, I guess. What I've heard delegated micromanagement is really the cuntiest move of all time. Make sure I like this. Make sure I like this.

Okay. Yeah. I've heard some talk of that. And I talked with Boogie, and I said, well, Keem's insane because here's the thing about doing a podcast. You kind of got to accept the first 10 episodes or so. You're finding your footing. You're figuring out what works. You're finding a rhythm.

Said first 100, right? Well, honestly, yeah. It takes a while. Some podcasts go for a while. It's terrible. It's terrible. It's terrible. And then you figure out. Some podcasts go for a while. It's terrible, it's terrible, it's terrible, and then you figure out.

Don't I know it. If from day one you have a psychopath like Keemstar going, you got to get more laughs in there. We need more topical news, blah, blah, blah. It's like just do it naturally, accept that it might be bad. It's not going to be good from day one. And find your footing. Do a bunch of test shows if you have to.

Yeah, but their footing is just talking about fucking kids. Yeah, which is funny. No one wants to listen to that. Two fat guys, Wings and Boogie, just talking about kids they want to fuck. Bring on Ralph more. Let Ralph... Let me bring up Chuck Dixon again.

Is that really the show? It's not necessarily the show. That's what they would probably maybe want to do. Well, they don't want to read a docket, right? So what else are they going to do? That's my choice, kid fucking or docket i mean i don't like a script any more than the next guy so did you ever talk to boogie's girlfriend oh no unfortunately that would have been a crime for you as well she escaped right

yeah i think she's on the loose still oh thank god so keem basically fired you because he's doing a bad job and he wanted to blame it on you for some reason. Well, there's a little bit more. So after the whole thing happened, right, I got home after the stream was done. I heard all the shit he talked. So I went on one of my friend's streams and I was like, have you seen what happened? You know, I started talking shit back because he talked shit to me. You know, it is how it goes, right?

You made content for the show. It is how it goes, right? It's a direct route. You made content for the show. And you were promoting the show outside of the show by getting people excited for the drama that was being generated. Right. Exactly, yeah. How dare you? And you got fired for that.

And you got fired. Well, so he called in. He called in to the live stream. You really got fired? That's so fucked. I mean, that's like a lot of money for, that's rent. It's a mortgage. It's a good amount of money. And honestly, you were helping the show because I'm way more interested in this than Keemstar

talking to a camera about stupid internet drama. I hope Boogie sits on a fire hose by accident and then it turns on and he fills up and explodes and his head pops off. Like Willy Wonka? Yeah. They take him to the juicing room? Yeah, I hope he gets juiced. Except when he gets juiced, his head pops up.

A bunch of horses kick him in the stomach. So Keem came on while you were talking about what happened. And he shits a bunch of jelly. And generating outside confidence for the show on your own hours, and he was mad about that. Elvie falls down an escalator, and it's just perfectly timed, so he never falls down the whole escalator, and it just keeps going up. I'm pretty sure that was a cartoon I saw as a kid.

A gif. Yeah. Was that guy who's got to push the boulder up hill his whole life? Is that Sisyphus? Penis? Yeah, Sisyphus. Yeah, I want the Sisyphus escalator for Boogie in Hell. I want Sisyphus to get to the top of that hill with the boulder

and then throw the boulder on Boogie's head. I hope he gets hit by a car. Connor, do you think the Lowell Cow podcast will succeed, or do you think it is poisoned by bad decision-making? Well, it's obviously poisoned by bad decision-making, but you never know with podcasts. Sometimes that can make them succeed, but you have to be entertaining at the same time, right?

And they're not. That's where they're lacking, right? That's where they're kind of lacking. They're not good at all. I don't understand what keemstar adds to the show like i don't other than putting it together and maybe his built-in audience wants to see whatever the spectacle is yeah but yeah he doesn't put it together really well that's what i'm saying at the beginning you mean right like setting it up it gets it set up and maybe

built some buzz for it but then in my head this is like one of those situations where it's like well boogie and wings are the show so if at any point they go we're just gonna make our own show and call it something different let's call it the same thing what's gonna happen well i'm just saying what is keemstar offering to these people that they can't get on their own i don't know besides just a name i mean i'll tell you this too you'd be surprised the amount of people who don't want to work with keemstar. Right? Like, you'd be surprised. So, if anything, it might be a hindrance. I mean, you know, Noel, for example.

Noel refused to come on the show. He's like, I'm not working with Keemstar. That's not going to happen. Yeah. That'd be a good get, too. Noel's not my friend anymore because of you. Thanks a lot. Because of me.

Yeah, because of you. That rift happened long before I showed up. What did he do? He's just making jokes about being himself. Who would you be less surprised about if it turned out they were a pedophile? Boogie or Wings? Or Keemstar? Well, Keemstar, honestly.

Obviously Keemstar. That would be the biggest surprise. Would it? Yes. Boogie or Wings? If you found out, oh, shit that guy had a 10 terabytes of child porn i'm surprised what would be the specific number what would be the bigger the bigger surprise multiple drives yeah i mean i guess uh i guess wings would be the bigger surprise

right i'd be like damn really oh because boogie has the young girlfriend right you know wings at least dates in his age range imagine Imagine being like, it's not this drive, it's the other drive. Someone get the other drive. But I know more about Boogie's sex life than Wings because Boogie has talked about all his prostitutes. You shouldn't know about either. No, he had a documentary.

He had a documentary about all the prostitutes. He's too fat to fuck his wife. Well, that can happen to anybody. I use that excuse too when I don't want to. So Wings is married? I'm a headache. Thank God I'm too fat. I'm too fat to fuck you.

I would. I love you, but, you know, I got to lose another 50 pounds before I have to, you know, give it to you. You can tell that Keemstar has not watched any of these, like, classic radio programs, because you're right. It is like a Howard Stern situation where goofing on the staff is funny. Yeah. If Keem brings you in, he goes, that was a big fucking tantrum though. We were busting his balls in the beginning of the show.

That's the show. I want you to bust my balls, but you've got to let me get a sentence out before you do it. Or else you'll throw a fit. I can't finish a thought. I get sidetracked. I'm like, okay, wait, what was I fucking i fucking talking about communism will make sense if you can get your thoughts out that i you know i mean keemstar keemstar literally says he's like you can't he's like you can't talk to your boss that way don't talk to your boss that way that's why i

fired him he's disrespectful i'm like oh welcome to radio he called me a disrespectful asshole on a video uh a twitter video'm like, coming from Keem? Really? Are you going to? It's got to be one of those. That's a real sign of an egotistical dickhead when somebody refers to themselves as the boss or your boss. Keem doesn't understand that the funniest thing you can do on the radio is convince a guy to quit. If he had been able to get, Connor, you're useless. That's just so good.

Yeah, well. And then he convinces you to quit. And then you think about it. Oh, that was good money. And then you're going it's just so good yeah well and then he convinces you to quit and then you think about it you know that was good money and then you're gonna come groveling back to king star that's good content but if he just fires you there's no there's no comedy i mean no yeah no it's a loss now i have uh i have something interesting for you guys uh i sent it to you on uh on twitter dm's dick okay it's uh it's the the long cow podcast response to me coming on the show to this show yeah to this show tonight yeah oh my god who's with wait who said this capital has how did you

get this is it secret how you got this no it's not secret i just you know i i came back to my pc and i saw i haven't been logged there's a public twitter uh so you guys were in a public dm group and they didn't realize you're still in there? Yeah, basically, yeah. Okay, so I said Connor calling in tonight and then Keem says, ha, ha, ha. So Keem posted a screenshot of my saying Connor's calling in and said, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

So he's clearly laughing. He's laughing that Connor was going to come on our show. He finds this comical. This is the guy Tommy was defending, an ex-employee that's going on other shows to talk shit about us. Here's the Middle Eastern part. Why is he talking about you? Hold on.

Why is he talking about you? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Are we about to watch Dune? No, me, me, me. But I'm saying, why does he talk about you as if he doesn't know you? Because he knows you. Why is he saying, this is the guy? The guy? It's your ex-employee. Tommy was defending an ex-employee. Why is he going to talk about you in this weird third-person way? It's weird.

You know that lady my mom liked? You mean your ex-girlfriend? So Tommy did defend you, it sounds like. Yeah i mean i've heard that you know he doesn't think that i was fired justly he he thinks that it's a total can of horse shit um yeah i believe that's what he's referencing the idea that keem wants to for came it's not funny if no one can give you shit on the show because then you're untouchable you can't have a podcast where you're immune to being goofed on because you might fire people? Oh, Boogie, you fat son of a bitch!

Oh, shit. Oh, no. Okay, so Keem says, My favorite. So fucking glad he's fired. Anybody defending him or wanting him back is a fucking retard. Yes. Talking to you, Tommy C.

You're retarded. Tommy C's the only talented broadcaster on that show. And he's also apparently the only one defending Connor. He's the only true broadcaster on that show. He's the only regular guy. Connor's got a silky smooth voice. Shouldn't be editing. He should be talking. Connor, you do your own show, right?

Aren't you on no recording or not now recording? No, I'm not a host. I went on there the other day. And then Boogie said, describe a cheese pizza to these guys. Hold on. Give us 15 minutes to get them out. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

Boogie says. I guess he absorbed his 20-year-old girlfriend's speech patterns. Yeah, honestly, going on Dick's show. He says this show's my show, by the way. It didn't say Cola. Okay, you had to stick him with that. He didn't specify which show he was going on. I said tonight. Everybody knows Biggest Problem on Friday.

It's not Dick's show. It's our show. Yeah, honestly, going on. I said tonight. Everybody knows Biggest Problem on Friday. It's not Dick's show. It's our show. Yeah, honestly, going on Dick's show burns the bridge. Is that like in my fat opinion? Humble. In my huge opinion. In my huge opinion. In my huge opinion.

Is this like, did somebody, did the executor of Boogie's estate get a hold of his account after he killed himself? How did that happen? Yeah. Yeah, because he said he was going to kill himself. The woman who was inside of him when he died cut her way out and started tweeting from his phone. I'm going to fix that Boogie dick bridge one of these days. You guys are going to be friends.

I don't know. Who would want to be friends with that fat sack of shit? See, you're making it harder. It's going to be more of a challenge. It's fun. This is the ideal relationship. He wants to be abused. He wants this. All. He wants this.

All right. It just goes to show I was right by firing him. He was right. Boogie agrees. He says, I take giving that guy any attention personally. That's him talking about you, Dick. Giving you attention. I thought it was you guys show.

He could be talking about you. Here's the thing. It's not we now? Well, no. There's two you guys' show. He could be talking about you. Here's the thing. It's not we now? Well, no. There's two people on the show. Boogie and me are very friendly, and I talk to Boogie. I don't want him to kill himself. Dick obviously feels differently.

Why? It would be the best thing for him. He's living in pain. He has debts up to his eyeballs. He's not funny or talented. Nobody wants – people only want to laugh at him. That's not a way to live. There's only one, either he has to go to God or one way or the other.

And Keem even adds in, I wish I had fired him long before. Why would he have fired you long before? It sounds like you were doing a bang-up job. And why are you in charge of coming up with content for the show? You're the editor. Nobody goes to the editor of the podcast and goes, hey, I need topics for the podcast people to talk about. Why am I that guy? I edit the videos.

What are you talking about? That is something that an egomaniac would say. I was like, I only wish I were right sooner. What's the only way I could be better than I am right now is if I were as right as I am earlier. Hold on. It's genuinely insane that Boogie, Keemstar, Tommy C, and Wings are all four guys who are supposed to be tapped into what's going on the internet. They're always on Twitter. They're always talking about drama.

And they're going to the editor of their podcast, the guy they pay to edit out their stupid swearing. And make them sound like pedophiles. We need a list of topics to talk about on the show. of their podcast, the guy they pay to edit out their stupid swearing and going, we need a list of topics to talk about on the show. That's clearly your job. I don't come into Biggest Problem and go, by the way, I don't know what to do. I mean, Dick does. He goes, hey, give me some problems for the show. But typically, I go, I'll have a little list of things that went on that week.

Property tags. Yeah. We all have practical problems. The show is us talking about things we want to talk about, not having a guy give us a list of things we want to talk about. What do you mean I take giving that guy any attention personally? He's talking about you. Boogie takes giving me attention personally?

He does not like you. Why doesn't he pay more attention to his big fat ass so he doesn't have blood cancer? This is why he doesn't like you. So he doesn't have to inject testosterone This is why he doesn't like you. So he had to inject testosterone. Wait, he has blood cancer? Yes, because he had to inject himself with testosterone to counteract his fatness. Does that work? You have to be way...

Well, no, because he got blood cancer from the injection. Well, though, but how hard is that dick, though, dog? Because it could be a fair trade-off. It doesn't matter. He doesn't have any girlfriend anymore. He traded her for magic cards. She ran away from the blood cancer? He traded him for magic cards that he could plant in his backyard.

Look, Boogie has a variety of health problems. The first one is being a big retard. He's clearly upset that you joke about it on this show. I'm not joking. He would be better off dead. That's obviously your opinion to hold. He tried to murder Frank Castle. He did.

And he shot an elementary school or a middle school. One of them. Who are you more upset with now? Well, I guess Keem's not giving you any shit. Boogie is, though. Boogie is saying, Connor, you have officially burnt the bridge by appearing here on Biggest Problem. You've taken sides in this war war i guess i don't know yeah well i mean it's it is keemstar is talking shit too i sent y'all another chat

but i was just sent i was just sent this should not be a big deal i don't know why this is a big deal for them they they have if there's a big falling out if they're a top podcast why would we not want to talk to the guy who got fired? This seems like... Here's another hubbubbubbub. Hubbubbubbubbub. Offendy, I give you a good job. You disrespect me by going to the... Hubbubbubbubbub. Wait, this is a different tweet?

This is not where the arguments in my house sound. Who is he sending this to? Hubbubbubbubbub. Hubbubbubbubbub. We had an agreement. Hubbubbubbubbub. This is a different group chat. It's anonymous. It's a group chat. We had an agreement. So this was not sent to Boogie. This is a breach of contract. Hubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba,

bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bub I know how to podcast better than any of these motherfuckers. What the fuck are they disrespecting me for? I agree. I agree. It's like the rabble, rabble, rabble thing. I don't know.

I didn't get a hop up out of this guy. You say fuck to me, I say fuck to you. I give you a good deal on podcasts, a good deal on editor. You disrespect me in this way. This is a fascinating situation. The only problem with my prediction is that I couldn't predict earlier. The great Allah, he protects all the time. Early of time, if only I listen to him, he speaks directly to me.

I did not realize this was going to be so contentious. Your wife is too old. Too old. Throw her away. She's 20, 21. You must be like the prophets. She should be nine and full of spirit. We don't even stay the age.

What kind of a nationality is Keem as a name? You know. Yeah. Would you name your kid? Keem's got a lot of ideas. He's got a lot of ideas. So he says, hubba-bubba-bubba-bubba, there goes all Connor's credibility. He's so angry he can't even punctuate it, right?

He's an idiot. By the way, I'm sure Connor's been sweating that all day. Oh, no, my credibility. My credibility. I was editing a bunch of pedophiles. Okay, here's what I don't understand. Oh, no, I'm sure Connor's been sweating that all day. Oh, no, my credibility. My credibility. I was editing a bunch of pedophiles. Okay, here's what I don't understand. Oh, no, I'm ruined in the pedophile podcast editing. I'm going to have to go get a real job like editing a not pedophile podcast.

That's cleaning up cum from a jack off. How is Keem, a man who has made all his money as the host of a show called Drama Alert, which monetizes drama. No, that's not the real name of the show. Yes, Drama Alert is his thing. That's so gay. That's how he's made money. So, Connor, you are now doing exactly what he should want for his stupid podcast,

which is generating drama for them to obsess over. Exactly. Rather than engaging in it and understanding that this is what makes podcasts exciting. Are we going to act like Keemstar's never gone on a show and talked shit? Are we really going to say that this guy's never done that?

Well, that's the thing. Keem is putting himself... There goes Alcantar's credibility! I only wish I would have gone as credibility earlier. I got to say, like, if I had listened, if you ever listen to the Howard Stern show and he went, I'm firing Robin because she disrespected me. You'd never listen to the show again. Like the idea that there's a guy with a fucking complete power over the show. And she was just gone. And yeah, she was just gone.

Oh, I guess. And he shit talks me too. So it's not like he didn't hire me and say, listen, I'm not going to talk to you. Keep your mouth shut. Just work for me. No, he hired me. Yeah, sue me over the NDA I didn't sign. I didn't even mention this.

When I first got hired, he actually told me over the phone. This just proves I'm 100% right in firing him, which I wish I would have done sooner. I wish I would have done it sooner. He told you over the phone. My biggest problem is that I don't react to my instincts fast enough. I'm a genius. Boogie, you understand. Boogie, you're a big success.

You agree that I was right, right? Yeah, he told me over the phone. Let me get the quarter ring in here. Hold on, hold on. he told me over the phone. Let me get the quarter ring in here. Hold on, hold on. He called you on the phone. When I first got hired, he told me over the phone that he wanted me to start shit.

He wanted me to be involved in the podcast, but mainly that he wanted me to do it Sounds like you deserve a raise. He meant being mean to Boogie, right? He doesn't want anyone being mean to him because he doesn't want to diminish his image in any way. Nothing more American than doing the job better than you were doing it after you were fired.

How tall is Keem? If you had, like, on a liquor store, like, you know, the high thing. I don't think they've seen him in person. This is all over the internet, right? Oh, really? Are you talking about in real life or in the shadow of Muhammad? How many Muhammad's is Keem? One point. I think if you're doing a comedy

podcast, people getting fired isn't funny. And also, trying to protect your image and be like, well, the editor can't say mean things to me is also not funny. I also do love that he runs his podcast like a fucking Middle Eastern convenience store owner. You're late five minutes. Get out of here. I wish I could fire you yesterday. That's like, that's it. You're late five minutes. Get out of here. I wish I could fire you yesterday. That's like.

You're fired. I wish I fire you. I go back in time through the power of Allah. I fire your mother. Fire your father. I wait till your mother pregnant. Then I fire your father. So it hurt more.

All right, man. Just like. Just kick me out of the group at least. No. I leave you in group. Then you read how everyone disrespects you. So what is funny about the Holocaust podcast? Because this isn't funny at all. This is pretty funny.

No, what you're leaving is funny. I'm really starting to see it. But I'm saying it's just a bunch of idiots, it sounds like. Kim's a moron. This is terrible. Yeah, well, you know you know i mean i can make it into cons and i can make it funny by showing you guys he would never he would never show this when you were editing the podcast crazy man people just avoid us but we're like he should play this on the show yeah i was gonna say when you were editing the podcast it was like is there anything funny that happens on the old cow podcast because this

all seems insufferable keem's insufferable to me. Yeah, I mean, sometimes the prerecorded episodes and Tommy's running it, sometimes it'll be a little bit funny. Tommy's funny. Tommy has a good sense of humor. Yeah, but the life shows. Keem's not a funny guy. I never laugh at Keem.

I mean, his girlfriend's too young. You can't have a sense of humor about yourself when you've got a bitch that young. He's not a comedian. That's the most dude you've ever. Can't be that funny if you've got a bitch that young, though. You can't have a sense of humor about yourself when you got a bitch that young. He's not a comedian. That's the most dude you've ever... Can't be that funny if you got a bitch that young, dog. You can't. She'll eat you. She'll eat you.

Yeah, you can't. You know. I'm aware. Mine's old as shit. Yeah, you can do whatever you want. Trade her in if it wasn't a problem, you know? The funniest thing... Can't start over.

The funniest thing he does is fight with people. He's got all these new bitches out of with people. Oh, my God. I would totally boogie myself if that happened. Split the difference. Yeah. The funniest thing Keem does is fight with people, but if he's going to fire people after having the fight, then where's the humor?

Like, just have the fight. Well, you know what's funny about it, too, is, you know, I was going on my friend's show just because I didn't get to respond, right? Yeah. And so do you guys remember what he made Boogie do when he went on a different show he made him grovel for apologize which is also on his knees it's a little much fat groveling nothing worse than that put that down on the problems i think it's team's turn you know he went on another show he he did all the firing of me he did everything in the show i think he's like grovel he should

get you back yeah yeah actually bad for the show it's bad everything. I think he's my grovel. He should grow. Yeah, he's got a grovel. To get you back. Yeah. Yeah, actually. This is bad for the show. It's bad for the show. And he's got to donate some money to Israel. Have they talked about you? But they have not talked about you being firing. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

So have they done an episode yet where they've talked about you being fired? Or do you think they're just not going to not talk about it all and sweep it under the rug? He hasn't talked about it at all. They're going to avoid talking about it all and sweep it under the rug. He hasn't talked about it now. They're going to avoid talking about it. Hammer it down the throat. This is the most interesting thing that has ever happened to this show. Yes, everybody in the chat of the Lookout podcast, say talk about Connor.

Justice for Connor. What happened to Connor? Justice for Connor. Where is Connor? Justice for Connor. Justice for Connor. This is, again, this is like when Artie Lang tried to kill himself, and then Howard Stern's like, well, we got to talk about it.

They did not talk about it. Okay. Something happens. Mine doesn't do this. I don't want this. It seems like this show is manufactured. I think they'd just rather talk about how fat Boogie is and how he's a, you know, that's all they're going to, for the 50th time in a row.

If they can't talk about having a huge blow up on the show, Keem being a sensitive baby, firing the editor. And us making more money. And being upset with Dick and me for bringing Connor on to talk about it, then what is this podcast? Fuck it. No, that's a question for another man and his show. Yeah.

I'm going to start a show called What Are These Podcasts? And it will only be about the podcast on Who Are These Podcasts? It'll be a rebuttal. It'll just be a Russian doll of podcasting. What are Who Are These Podcasts? I'm looking forward to that. All right, Connor. Where do we find you now, Connor?

It's your penniless and jobless. I'm working at McDonald's now. That pays good now. Get get a job at domino's you guys are fucking millionaires yeah i'm uh my twitter is at real x8 well if anybody needs a uh editor connor's out there we need an editor well we do too but i don't have about two grand yeah you want to split it i'll tell you that how many podcasts y'all do a week one One? Yeah, we do one show a week. I was doing two for him. Same thing. I do two.

The problem is anything I make clips of just gets all my accounts deleted. Us too. Every single fucking clip. You know that fat girl walks into a stump and she got deleted. The only thing you'd have to edit out of ours is the N-word, and I hate to tell you it's probably going to be twice as busy as the other one. The only thing you'd have to edit out of ours is the N-word, and I hate to tell you, it's probably going to be twice as busy as the other one. The other podcast you had to edit.

When we talk about sports, there's a lot of them in there. Okay. Well, what, are we not supposed to talk about the sports? You can talk about the sports, it's just maybe a different language. It seems like you'd want to have a slur for the white people.

No, we do, yeah. But, you know, there's so much less to discuss. Yeah, that's true. Well, guys, follow Connor again. You're on Twitter at atrealx8. Is that correct? Yep, that's correct. His show is lemonparty.org.

Is there? Yep, head over there. If they do not talk about this on the Lowell Cow podcast, if they fire the editor and have a huge blow up, well, then there's no show. Then it's a pussy thing. You cannot. Come on.

There can't be no rebuttal. Is the show about the Lowell Cow drama and what's going on behind the scenes? Or is it just, oh, what'd you eat this week, Boog? Well, I made a post last night. They got enough time to do that? They're doing our show now. They're doing our show.

That's my bit. That's what I do. Jesus, no wonder he almost died editing the thing. They asked Boog what he ate. I went to that buffet after the buffet problem. I had a good time. What buffet? There's a great Asian buffet.

I got to take you. No such thing. No, this one's all like shrimp and crab legs. You like crab legs. Yeah, but you got to wrestle Asian guys. You do have to wrestle Asian guys to get the crab legs. What do you mean? Are they cold crab legs? No, they're hot.

They're steamed crab legs coming out fresh. You just got to fight these Asian motherfuckers to get to them. Use you as a human shield. They got a big trough of butter. I was there. They got these little

cups for the butter and I go and I grab a soup bowl and I'm ladling the butter in there. No, you don't. And another guy, a bunch of Asian guys, a bunch of Asian guys who were at the crab legs, they all looked at me and they went, this man is very, very wise. And they

all ran and got soup bowls and started filling them up with butter. Like you invented the wheel. I've destroyed the buffet now. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,. I've destroyed the buffet now. No, no, the guy who runs the buffet was like, oh no, too much butter, no! As all these Asian guys are then getting soup bowls full of butter. Oh no, the prophecy is fulfilled!

The buffet master has returned from his mighty slumber! They predicted your arrival. And all the cats are like, oh! Alright, last thing I'll say last thing i'll say real quick and then i'll head out i made a post in this they definitely have to talk about i made a post in the subreddit the lockout life subreddit it's the most uploaded post that subreddit's ever seen they didn't delete the post they don't they didn't delete it they're not they're not hiding that

much yeah so but that's that's the last thing i'll say i'll leave y'all with that so thank you for having me do you think boogie is a pussy for saying that you have burnt the bridge by appearing here with Dick Masterson? Yeah, they've joked about having Dick on the show on the live show a couple times. Why would they have Dick on the show? He's a yes man. I would make him kill himself

on air, like Silence of the Lambs, like the Max guy that jacks off and throws cum on Clarice. I would be like Hannibal Lecter throwing even more cum. Boogie needs to bring it. They all need to bring their haters on and be ready to go toe to toe. Yeah.

Well, if you're going to be a lol cow, you got to accept that the farmhand is going to come down. You can't expect me to get under there with those toes. Thank you, Connor. We appreciate it. Bye, Connor. Thanks. Have a good one. Sorry about the money that you lost.

There you go. Thanks, buddy. They've ruined the Low-Count Podcast. Thanks for sitting in on that, Josh. It's fun for me. Okay, good. Josh, with the big comedy special, the name of your comedy special, you have a name for it. Yeah, it's called Goliath.

Goliath. That'll be happening in Torrance, California. April 22nd. April 22nd. Go to my Twitter. There's a pinned tweet at the top with a link for reservations. Twitter.com slash Josh Denny. We'll all be there.

Dick will be there. Oh, yeah. Are you on stage at some point, I believe? Maybe. Dick can do whatever he wants. I just said it'd be cool if I had an intro. I'm going to be swinging around like Spider-Man. Okay.

Yeah. Can I intro you? I would love to. I would love to have you do wants. I just said it'd be cool if I had an intro. I'm going to be swinging around like Spider-Man. Okay. Yeah. Can I intro you? I would love to. I would love to have you do it. I like doing that. You introed me phenomenally at the show we all did last year, and I was like, I would love to have that. No, I'd love that.

Like a fucking pirate or something stupid and gay. I could be a pirate. You could be a pirate. I don't mind the pirate. Who's ready for? Give out some rings and stuff and temporary tattoos and stuff. Yeah, it'd be great. Yeah, you're stealing my boot.

But we want to do some funny testimonial videos, and I have some ideas. I think you guys would be good for some of that stuff. I think we're going to have a lot of fun, and I think if you're a fan of this show, tickets will sell out. It's not an unlimited thing. So Twitter.com slash Josh Denny. Okay. If you want to come by, you'll see Josh, me, Dick, and a variety. Carl's not an unlimited thing. So twitter.com slash Josh Denny. If you want to come by you'll see Josh, me, Dick

and Carl will be there. We love Carl Spitali. We've got to get him on here. We're going to read super chats. These sometimes take a while. If you want to hang out, we would love to have you. I'm hanging out. And I'm wedged in. The fuck am I going to do? Climb over him?

Here we fucking go go Could go for a Shirley Temple You mean a place in order for you Maybe a place in order And a little vodka in there maybe You could just say please Please Could I get a beverage

From Shirley Temple You want anything Deep dish Pizza A couple deep dishes Dominoes Pizza tractor Nah they take

You're the mouse man Alright Could never have it It'll take two hours Guys thanks for coming by Don't forget forget we're going to read some super chats Vote on all the problems at biggestproblem.show Check out patreon.com slash biggestproblem for all our bonus episodes

which we do have to record a new one, we had some suggestions What do you think we should do? Biggest problem in what? Locations? Live ones? No, we have to do a recording episode on a topic a specific topic We did Final Fantasy. We've done Black History Month.

Last year, we did 420 Pods. I'm going to show you we should do 420 Hitler. And I said, I don't know if Biggest Problem in Nazis is not terrible. I don't want to do that one. I don't know if we can put that one on. Yeah, where can you put that? Anywhere? One last reminder in terms of content.

Well, if you have any good ideas for bonus episodes Tell us in the comments Also me and Dick saw Godzilla X Kong We recorded a live review of that Which is also available on our YouTube channel Check that out I haven't seen it is it good? Fucking terrible I assume Kong beats the shit out of him

For three quarters of the movie And then Godzilla outsmarts him in the end? No, they don't interact barely at all. It's an evil... The way it should be. Godzilla barely shows up. It's an evil monkey pack that attacks King Kong. King Kong has to fight an uglier King Kong.

So he's attacked by his own Kongs. So it's a documentary. Yeah. Okay. It's basically New York. No, I bet it's a little Yeah Okay It's basically New York No, I bet it's A little too I lived in Oakland

For many years And I went I think I've seen This movie before Anyway A lot of giant dinosaurs Popping out of that Fucking bay

Coup for two Thank you all For not killing yourselves And all of his gay Yeah Tempanon for two I'm sending Zakunk

Sakuntadil To hear Vito pronounce it Well, I think I fucked it up Hausman for two Superchats wonuntadil To hear Vito pronounce it Well I think I fucked it up Hosman for two Superchats won't let me Insult Vito You loser Well I think you just

Figured it out there Hosman for another two Vito You two won't let me Do it in Spanish You fat motherfucker Hosman for another two That could have been

For either of us You don't have to Absorb that I'll take one Mayamo Vito Soy en perco Bien grande Oink oink I'm not Grande. Oink, oink.

I'm not going to say. Oink is the same in Spanish? I'm not going to make pig noises for $2. You're going to give me at least $5 to get an oink out of me. Soy, and Perco, Bien Grande. Oink, oink. I need an oink, oink sound effect. No, you don't.

Because they do oinks now. If you do an oink sound effect, I'm taking it off the board. We do not need that. We saw your tech proficiency earlier. I think it's safe. Because you have all the sound effects. I don't have any sound effects for you. I'm going to plug in one of those.

I have one of those. Okay, so do it. Fadix the Great for two says he's gay. I need my own sound effects now. She's a fucking Keemstar over here. Solo Connell 34. Hubba bubba bubba bubba bubba. You can get a hubba bub.

Get as many hubba bubs as you want. What's going on? The biggest problem podcast. Hubba bubba bubba bubba bubba bubba. It is the ultimate betrayal. SoloConnell34 says that he's fat and makes cow noises. No, I don't drink. Oh, I even get a straw.

No, I remember that. I can't have bread. You know what a beer would do to my asshole? You want a Diet Coke, though? You get a Diet Coke. Sure, I remember that. I can't have bread. You know what a beer would do to my asshole? You want a Diet Coke, though? You get a Diet Coke. Sure, yeah, that's fine. Yeah, get him a Diet Coke if we could. Please. Whoa. I felt the brunt of that one. Jesus. Get him a Diet Coke.

You shouldn't speak to women who are not related to me in that way. You definitely shouldn't speak to my girlfriend like that. I wasn't talking to her. Who were you talking to? The general spirit of the show. We.

He's talking to we. Why did you look over there? Because she was already gone, so I had to change the subject to be a broader. I don't want one because I don't want to be a part of that. I don't want to be a part of. I don't want to receive a Diet Coke in that way. A rape Coke now. If you could is basically please.

No, please is please. If you could is saying you don't have to. No, that's not a please. You have to say please. I'll tie break this. It's not a nice to go if you could. And that was also directed in your general direction, so I meant you as well. Yeah.

He went from we to they. Oh, my God. I'm just going to, every little thing I do is wrong. direction, so I meant you as well. He went from we to they. Oh, my God. Every little thing I do is wrong. It's not for me, so I'm not the one who has to say please. We're trying to Little League coach you on how to fucking talk to these people. I don't want to talk to anybody. Let's see. Martin O'Keefe for two says, hey, Dick, do you think Vito is an artist?

Yes. Synthetic Shinobi for 20. Eric July. Wow, big 20obi for 20. Eric July. Wow, big 20. Thank you. Thank you. Eric July has never berated liberal white women for ruining comics. Or Eric July isn't a conservative.

These are real things that batshit rip-averse stans have told me. Hashtag stan culture. Hashtag vote it up. There's a lot of people, like, I get why people go at conservatives. See, now I don't even know if I can enjoy it, though. Can I please have it? Oh, yeah, please direct that at him. Thank you very much.

I greatly appreciate it. I'm sorry. I'm the worst. So lovely of you to provide such a service. Hey, can we get Josh a Diet Coke in here? Excuse me, could somebody get the girl? If you could! If you get a chance, could you grab one? That's like a nice thing to say. When the girl comes back, could you have her?

You don't specifically have to say please. Yes, you do. If you could. No. You have to say the word please. Bro, if you say to somebody, hey, if you could, could you grab a Diet Coke from the fridge? That's a reasonable way to say it. That's someone else's wife.

Yes, that's what you say to a man who no one's having sex with Yeah Okay, I'll get on my hands and knees No, no, too much This is too much now, it's creepy Please, can you get a diet coke out of the fridge? This is, you overcorrected, you oversteered Oh my god

See, but it's the ridiculing of this Where they go, you know what, I'm not gonna fuck this guy It's not even for me. I don't understand why Star Wars Girl blocked you. Yeah. It's such a fucking mystery. Were you yourself again? Why are you telling me to be?

Anyway, Hazman for two. Vito isn't fat. He's pregnant with Eric Jalani's kid. On to John for five. Hey, Vito. That guy's got it. I think it's time TBF and ask your co-host if he eats butthole. Dick, do you eat butthole? Nigler, you fucking prick.

Don't steal another guy's bit. You're stealing bits here. Nigler, why don't you come up with a bit and call back into my show? Jesus. Don't be a pussy. Influence history for 10. Keem watches the clip of Richard crapping on a little cow live and retorted by saying his podcast makes more money than Biggest Problem in the Universe.

Oh, he said that. It doesn't. It doesn't. It doesn't. They just told us. Pretty sure it doesn't take this podcast five months to make 10 grand. Little Cow sucks. We make more money than those guys. 100%.

We're making 9 grand. We're making 8.6 on Patreon after fees and everything. And like 6 or 7 hundred a week. And our back end of YouTube, we're getting about 3K a month. Yes. So that's like 11.6. It's more than 10. If they're making 10, we're beating about 3K a month. Yes. So that's like 11.6. It's more than 10.

If they're making 10, we're beating them. I'm the fucking scientist. I didn't care before I realized that if Keem is trying to pull rank, then yeah, then okay, then it is a competition. Yeah, because we're better. It wasn't a competition before. Also, those guys have, what, 10 years of YouTube runway between all three of them? Yeah.

And they can't catch up to a fat pedophile and his Mexican friend? Come on. By weight, we're destroying that. No, we're not winning by weight. No, by money per weight. Money per pound. Money per pound. Yeah, we're dominating. I think even with me here, you're still ahead of the game.

I'm with Josh here. Lol no for five. I cashed Animate dead. Returned Fido's cat from the graveyard to play my cat is hopefully not dead he's just some mexican stolen fucking it back to life we'll see if i find it i'll try it influence history for two do you think maddox could still be funny i absolutely think maddox could make comedy again if you would stop fucking around nah he can't i ate his dude that video series he made is like uh i was thinking about it

yesterday how he went into it and he was like this is my comeback yeah i'm gonna do a bunch of effing remember how he was talking about like he's gonna do live streams talking about it like he thought everybody was gonna be on his side be like yeah tell us more tell us more and then he immediately stopped doing it because he realized when he does that a bunch of trolls to show up and make fun of him more. Yeah, I had to learn that the hard way. Like, don't forecast your moves. That's pretty cringe when you're like, you know what? I'm going to start doing it.

Just start doing it. Just do it. Yeah. Anytime I've done that, I've lived to regret it where I'm just like, yeah, don't ever have a thought publicly that you're not already executing and following through on. Marvel will steal it and make a movie out of it. That is a possibility, yeah. I mean, I think the best way to do any creative project is to look at the history of creative projects and realize there's a 99, or any project,

there's a 99% chance you're going to fail, right? You can have everything lined up and everything ready to go, and you still might, you know, drop dead at the starting line. Who fucking knows? Well, I think you should just do the things you like to do and not worry about whether they'll fail or not. But I'm saying, like... That's where your best stuff, like, you've made a lot of great stuff.

What were you thinking when you made all that stuff? You guess! You made a lot of great stuff! People still talk about it. Yeah, I know. I do okay. Look, we got more good stuff coming. What were you thinking when you made that? When you were like the Belle Delphine bathwater? Oh, that was just clearly I'm in some sort of manic state

where I'm gonna get in front of a green screen and make insane shit funny i had fun with it yeah and the pepsi thing like you're clearly mocking something specific yeah you're saying like what goes through my head when i'm doing that what do you yeah well i mean i just i look at you know things that are silly and i go well what if you extrapolate i mean the belle delphine thing was me going uh it's kind of funny that she has bath water what would be something funny with that well i just think vaping is funny that's literally the joke because the joke is i'm like man everybody looks like such a douchebag whenever they vape yeah they do and then i'm like yeah what if they vape that fucking lady's bath water you see she's selling a sex doll now yeah i had a bunch of people be like you gotta get that and i'm like the whole doll she's selling a sex doll now? Yeah. I had a bunch of people be like, you got to get that.

The whole doll? She's selling a doll of herself. What? That feels like the budget is a little bigger than it needs. I thought about holes. Why would you do anything other than your holes? It's like a one of a kind. I think she's doing a one of a kind sex doll.

It's like, yeah, you got to pay probably like 50 grand for it or something. It's like, yeah, you got to pay probably like 50 grand for it or something. I just love that women think that like, well, it is the shittier alternative. Like, well, is it? This one has no thoughts or feelings or speech. Yeah. It's just your holes in your face, so it could be whatever I thought you could be. Is it crying? You're right.

I still want that tea for sex, though. But then I saw- It's so heavy, man. Pick that shit up. You're going to break your back. No, that's the problem. I still want that tee for sex doll. They're so heavy, man. Pick that shit up. You're going to break your back. No, that's the problem. You'll lose 80 pounds lifting that sex doll. Yeah, let's not discourage him. Hey, that might be a workout thing.

If somebody marketed it that way, the fuck you're selling would market that. Fuck yourself. Finish the sentence. Finish the sentence. I was going to say fuck your sex doll, but before you're allowed to have sex with it, its vagina won't open until you lift it over your head 20 times. It's complicated. That's a lot of reps.

10 times. Who's going to fuck this thing after I lift it up all those times? And if you're really not, if you don't get your steps in, the sex doll won't have sex with you. It'll go, no. Sounds like a two-man job. I got to borrow it. You're in a relationship now, buddy. That's not a bad idea.

I'm going to market that. What was I saying? So, yeah, Maddox, I don't know. He was a guy who he went into this expecting a certain outcome. And I've done that in life. And if you do that in life, you get fucked. That's why with this Ghostbusters video, I said, this is definitely not going to work. And it didn't.

And I'm not surprised or shocked. And I'm fine with it. That doesn't make it less embarrassing. Yeah. And the comic, even with the comic, I'm like, I didn't think the comic would be okay. I don't think it's good. Nobody's ever been like, well, he was right about how much he sucked. No one's ever given me credit for it.

Guys, you're probably going to hate this. Yeah, yeah. Well, he was right about how shitty he is. Let's see. We got to at least give him that. He put way too much work. The people who don't like you are never going to give you anything. So why predict it for them? I don't know. I'm just saying, Maddox put too much work The people who don't like you are never going to give you anything So why predict it for them?

I don't know I'm just saying Maddox put too much work into that thing He should have made a little short to the point Here's how I feel But I'm back on the horse and I'm making funny videos again Yeah, he should have made a three minute video Talking about how hurt he was that I Fucked the love of his life

Well, his ultimate plan was to get you banned from Patreon He's still obsessed with it Like that's what that whole thing's about. But that wouldn't make his hurt go away. He thinks it would. He should have been honest and said, yeah, it won't though. He, like, he legitimately thinks if he could get you banned from Patreon that that would be, like, okay. Yeah, that's the same

as losing the love of your life to another dude. Yeah, exactly. If I walk in on somebody fucking my old lady, the first thing I'm gonna do is start talking. Get his fucking Patreon! That'll even us out. He wants some form of- You should just say the truth. And then everyone, literally everyone, even I would go like, man, I feel really bad that

happened to you. I want crazy. That guy's a cocksucker. It's like falling out in a business relationship, as bad enough as it is, but to literally have someone you love get fucked in front of you. By someone else you love. Yeah. Yeah.

It's like, wow, he totally fucked me. Everyone would go, wow, man, the fact that this guy didn't kill himself. Amazing. Slow clap. He'd be a folk hero. And then he could just go do videos again. But he can't admit that. It's really weird. He can't admit how hurt he is. Yeah. It's weird that he...

I guess he's just lying to himself. Yeah. He's going, no, what happened was I was taken advantage of. How long did the joy of taking... The sex has been going on for eight years. Still. No, no, was I was taken advantage of. How long did the joy of taking it? It's been going on for eight years. No, no, just do you still be like, fuck you, dude? Me? Yeah.

How long until he gets over it? No, no. Until I get over it. Until you stop enjoying that part of it. Never. Oh, beautiful. I love it. I'm a real bad guy.

Spite fucking. He's trying to out bad me. That's the problem. Yeah. That's the beauty. Even when I don't enjoy it with her, I enjoy it real bad guy. Spite fucking. He's trying to out-bad me. That's the problem. Yeah. That's the beauty. It's like even when I don't enjoy it with her, I enjoy it because I hate him. I need something like that. I need a spite incentive.

People don't understand how good that is. I would do it more if I had a spite incentive for when I just don't want to. Imagine eating a pizza that hated you. Oh, fuck yes. I just think about like if somebody said like right now I never got a hubbub out of you.

Out of this guy. I enjoyed it so much more than I thought. Hubbub. Hubbub. Oh, Connor, how dare you go on biggest problem.

That bit needs turbans for the future. I like when the hats get pulled out. I like the pirate outfit. I like the Ricky helmet. Now you need a turban. I got a flight suit for him. We'll get you a turban for the hubba bubba bubs. Here's a question I have.

Do you think Maddox is lying when he says he was deeply hurt when you said, I'm doing this show for fans and money? No. So he genuinely- He was embarrassed, but he wasn't hurt. he was like deeply hurt when you said i'm doing this show for fans and money no he so like he genuinely he was embarrassed but he wasn't hurt yeah because i was like if you said that right now i'd go yeah that's fine that's funny he was embarrassed that i was talking to fans behind his back right and he was angry about that well he's a guy who one of the worst things you can do is again what keemstar is doing is have this ego where it's like, everybody's got to respect me if I'm not respected.

Yeah, you're a fucking clown. And all you could do is, like, the best way you could handle that is be like, yeah, dude, I have that on my face. I took my show and I fucked my girl. Like, I should be killing myself, right? Then people would be like, oh, this guy gets it. Yeah, yeah. You would become

beloved just by leaning into it. Exactly. The antithesis. Well, this is about as bad as it could go for a guy in my shoes. Here's my video about kids doing an algebra test. Boy, they fucking suck. We all remember it. Why are they stupid? But they're not as stupid as me.

Yeah, yeah. You know what's funny about these kids who failed their algebra test is nobody came in and stole their life and fucked their woman. Kids don't have it pretty bad. Here's your rebrand, dude. Just compare everything to you. He almost did that with Oxman. He was pretending to be a cowboy, and the cowboy would shit on him in third person,

like Mel Gibson's The Beaver movie. Oh, sure, yeah. He's having a psychic break. Break, yeah. He would do that on occasion, but he should have gone further with it. This is also applicable to Keemstar, which is we all remember. Somebody fucked his old lady's hand? We all remember Rodney Dangerfield's famous bit where he'd come out on stage and go,

I demand you respect me. That was his big thing, right? Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone out here in the audience, respect me right now. Everybody laughed. Oh, that's so funny. You're not clapping.

Let me tell you about all the times my wife respected me. And the people that I work with respect me. I'm very respected at work. I don't know if you know this. And my co-host respects me. The only thing that would be better than people respecting me is if they had respected me earlier. Maddox literally and Keem are doing the opposite of what comedy is. Hey, the only thing that's better than being respected now is being respected before.

I get so much respect. I get so much respect. She never says anything negative about me. I had sex with my wife and she said, hey, what a big respectable penis you have. Like that's...

We wouldn't even say it because we both already knew. That's the other thing. Complimenting yourself for things that have never been said. Literally the opposite of comedy is what Keem and Maddox have done, is expecting the audience and everyone to respect you. I never stop winning. Yeah. Doesn't everybody want to hear about it?

What? What a human. Huh. What does a guy got to hear about it? What? What do you mean? Huh. What does a guy got to do around here to lose? That's why we loved him. I went to my doctor. I said, what am I doing right? He said everything.

Everything. Okay, this might be a good character now that I think about it. Keem Rodney Dangerfield. Keem Rodney Dangerfield. No Dangerfield. Hey, hey. I get too much respect around here I'd ask somebody to point out a flaw

But I don't have any That's fascinating They need it more than I do You gotta let people goof on you And you gotta be okay with it Let's see Kicks Mechanic for five. Screwed the Low-Cal podcast.

They are all major losers being taken advantage of by Keem. They're all pathetic. But for no money. Boogie, Tommy, and Wings. Glad to be here never again. Yeah, well, they're getting something, but I don't know why Keem's taking a fourth. I don't get it. They could all be doing better without Keem.

And it would be funny if they all said, fuck you, Keem, and did their own show. It would be funnier. I just don't know what Keem adds to it. If Keem wanted to take, Keem could take like a silent partner percentage of 10% for all the promotion, whatever else. But why he's on the show, I do not know. JJ for 10, RIP Carr, we're praying for you. Metaphorically, not literally, though. You got through it.

Influence history for two. I did have some pretty bad burns. Did you? Yeah, that was part of the reason why I reacted poorly was because I was literally sitting on the couch like, fuck all the hair and skin is burned off my arm and you go, R.I.P. car

right faggot? And I'm just like okay. That wasn't that mean spirited. It felt like it. Don't make me go back. But it did feel. I think you read my text wrong. I think I read it exactly as it was intended. I'll use emojis next time. A little wink and a nod.

How's that? Just say normal things. Or you could just, you know, wait 12 hours. I was literally like burying my dead son. I thought hopping on top of it was burying my dead son. All right, I'm sorry. Next time your car gets a little scuff on it, I'll be nicer. Influence history for two.

He got totaled. Not even your car. He was scuffed by a van full of his people. Yeah, well, that's the real problem. Influence history for two. I love that they came up and they're like, so what do you want to do about this? The legal thing. I want the insurance to pay for all of it.

What are you talking about? Let's both drive away. Oh, we can't. You can hop in our car. Yeah. Oh, you'll take me? Where are we going? We'll take you.

I've realized now that I need to make more emojis for the show, and we definitely need an RIP car emoji. Oh, yeah. There should be a shirt. A good one. There should be an RIP car shirt. That would be a good piece of merch. I'd wear it.

I would wear it. We got some good bits on this show, and R.I.P. car is a pretty good one. I think something happened to me, and somebody went, hey, R.I.P. car. I'm like, oh, fuck. R.I.P. cat. That's going to stick around. Yeah, R.I.P. cat. That's pretty good.

That was pretty good. I did see that. That was good. Leave my poor cat out of this. That's horrible. Influence history for two. Vito, can you send my super color and $100 shoe box? This is the one.

It's now or never. Vito's cat is lost forever. I can't even be upset about that stinger. I love that you guys are big in the Philippines. Yeah, the Filipinos love us. Sounds like the guy who took Steve Perry's job in Journey.

Turkey Sandwich for five. I recently became a Patreon and I'm listening to the bonus episodes. Dick finding out about the Pete Townsend CP story was fucking hilarious. Oh, wait, I love that guy's guitars. Is he a pedophile? Oh, Pete Townsend? Yeah. How does no one know this story?

He signed up for a child porn site. Well, I have to send back so many guitars. With his credit card. With his credit card to relive his own emotional trauma. Basically, the cops went to him and they're like, hey, Pete Townsend, why did you sign up for a child pornography website using your actual credit card? And he said, well, I just, you know, I had heard these- I was doing a documentary.

Basically, he came up with this weird convoluted- And he had to do a documentary. I just wanted to see how, you know, I had heard these... I was doing a documentary. Basically, he came up with this weird convoluted, like... And he had to do a documentary. I just wanted to see how, you know, I'm working for this charity. Imagine having to do a documentary because you painted yourself. Fuck! Fuck, I have to do a whole documentary or I look like a piece of shit. I'm actually doing a study on the effects of pedophilia on the psyche. And then he, like, destroys all these child trafficking rings.

He's, like, getting an Oscar. Yeah, yeah, you know, I really... So begrudgingly. Yeah. This is what we all set out to do. He's like, man, that was a good one. I can't believe I had to shut that one down. Yeah, he said he was doing

research on child abuse, and he had to sign up to see just how easy it was. Is it really this easy to access child pornography? I can't believe it. I can do it with a credit card. Short documentary. Very good excuse he had. Pineapple Man for two.

Shout out Bag of Schmidt. Jam that guitar. PSI Chris for two. Vito, I love you so much. You changed my life. Wow. Clap chapter to the story for five. Biggest problem is the best show on earth.

When is Super Killer? The definitely on time comic book coming out. We're cranking on it. How many pages this week? Three more. Well, I had him go back. He's also pages that are done. We changed a couple things.

There's some continuity stuff. So I'm like, oh, you got to fix that. So it looks the same as that. It's going great. Everything looks great. I do love that this is still a bit. There's some cleanup going on. Let's see.

Pigeon for 10. Vito, have you heard of the new Ripverse comic? It's about twin vigilantes who inherit the family ranch. It's see. Pigeon for 10. Vito, have you heard of the new Ripverse comic? It's about twin Vigilantes who inherit the family ranch. It's called Two Beefy Heirs. Very close. Justin Brodick for two. Show is late because Vito was at a buffet. I wish.

Maybe this weekend. Stratergy for two. You want to go to the buffet this weekend, Josh? I don't not want to. You want to get some crab legs? Justin Brodick for two. What a loaded question. Stratergy for two. You want to fight in the Chinese stock market that is this buffet? I actually like the shrimp better, I've decided, than the crab legs. I know that's crazy, but they got those drumbo shrimp.

I'll only go if they're screaming the entire time. Me time to go! It's got to be like that. It's got to be like deer hunter for me to enjoy it. You don't take no more crab leg, big boy! Come on, I just want a little more. That one's not that specific. Have you heard that today? I've heard that a couple times.

Okay. I follow with a lot of Asian buffet owners. No, you pay more. Straterjorie for two. As they say in Starbucks, this show opened latte. Terrible. Britsman for two. $100 for Islamic pirate Dick called a prayer.

Dick, you owe us a pirate because during our Godzilla episode, somebody did donate $50. So you're already on the hook. I don't remember that. Well, it happened. We're also on the hook for two pages of Ice Hunt, but we might have to save them for next week. Yeah, we have to save that. The locks for two. Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of cum. Benjamin for five. You guys excited. Yo-ho-ho and a bottle

of semen. Scally queers. Are you guys excited about the red heifer sacrifice? Happy to be with all of you before the apocalypse and coming Antichrist. Yeah. Is that what they're calling the, what do you call it? Tess Holliday. No.

They're going to shove her into a volcano. Why is it called the red heifer? The eclipse. No, the red cow they have in Israel. Oh. It's like a bit. And when they kill it, that's when the apocalypse happens for them. Oh.

So it's not related to the eclipse? Well, I mean, they're both happening right now. Okay. I was trying to catch up on what's going on, and I don't understand any of it. Out of Think Vegas for 10. TNG bonus episode. Seen as Data. Oh, Sean as Data.

Dick as Worf. And Vito as Geordie makes too much sense. Why am I Geordie? Because he sucks. Geordie doesn't suck. That's why. He has a visor. He doesn't have glasses.

Because everyone's mean to him because he's black. Because he's black. So he doesn't see the racism coming his way. Wouldn't I be O'Brien? The big fat Irish guy? O'Brien's on TNG. Later seasons. Teleporter Chief. No, not O'Brien.

Miles O'Brien? He's not fat. The Teleporter Chief? He's like bigger though. He's not fat. No, it's fat on TNG though. It's a funny thing when you ask fat guys to compare themselves to other people and then you find out how fat they think they are. Was Whoopi fat on TNG? Can I be Whoopi?

Yeah, you know, me and Louie are pretty interchangeable, and you're like, you think so, huh? I'm just saying, if you ask, like, who's the bigger guy on TNG, I would probably go to O'Brien. It was O'Brien, right? No one's big on that show. There's no actual fat guys. The Enterprise is pretty big. Yeah, the Enterprise is big.

Okay, I'll be the Enterprise. I'll be the rescue shuttle. You ever thought about being the set? Dominic for two, R.I.P. car. Stratergy for five. As soon as I saw three people start the show, I thought I was looking at a trio of picks transitioning the transformation between Dick and Vito. Oh, you're the midway between

us two. I look like the product of you two? Yeah, you're the animorph. Big ol' stepson. Let's see. Utah-based Armenia for five. Vito saying he only had two slices of 7-Eleven pizza. There's a girl saying she's only had two partners. I did not finish that 7-Eleven pizza. It was terrible.

Cody Titus for two. Put Josh's fat ass on the scale. Well, you got to give him more money than that. Benjamin for five. Does Josh still hate Red Bar? By the way, Chrissy Mayer steals presents. That's a Red Bar fan? Chrissy Mayer does steal presents.

No, I don't think about them ever. I said that to somebody today. It's like a mosquito in my fucking ear. It's annoying, but it's... Red Bar's weird. They tried to come at me. And then Mike Red Bar said, you know what? They will not come after you guys.

They should come at you. They're terrified of you guys. No, they said that Red Bar guy, he was doing a thing about us, and he was like, I don't know. Do you fight with that guy? I'm kind of intimidated by that Vito guy. I like that guy, but I only know him from way back. Yeah, no. He likes

you, and he's like, Denny must have them fooled if they're his friends. And I go, yep. Been tricking him at our get-togethers for the last three years. I think Mike from Red Bar is gay, and he sucks. And he should play this on his gay, shitty

show. Well, I would think you guys would be. He looks cool, though. He has cool hair, doesn't he? That guy? He'll feel real good that you said that. It looks like mine. Pretty much. It's very coif.

He has more here and it's like great. Yes, he cares very much about other men thinking how cool he is. I do, too. He was upset that I said that he doesn't go on other people's shows and then he said, well, I don't go on other people's shows. I'm slammed by a pedophile. I'm not slamming him. I wasn't even slamming him.

Don't call him that. He says his wife was old enough when he married her. Oh, you were talking about Vito. Oh, I had no idea. Sorry, Sam. Anyway. I think you guys would talk and you'd find out how much you have in common. Who, me and Mike from Red Bar?

Yeah. From Red Bar? No. Maybe we'll find out one of these days. Maybe someday you'll meet a girl who's too young to marry when she's a fan

and then you can just wait her out. I'm excited. With the fucking clocks. He's got the clocks in his place. Oh, you're talking, actually. Yeah, that's an opportunity

for you. It's a very interesting fan base, the Red Bar guys. Yeah, you know. They're very dedicated. They give us money. They are dedicated. Chad Crowell for five.

What do they think of Isom? Have they read Isom? They're not going to read Isom. Mike should. The guy. No, they're too busy DMing my girlfriend on Instagram to care about Isom. They should DM her about Isom.

Chad Kral for five says, I just wanted to spend $5 to call Vito Fat. You know what? I'll take the five bucks for that. Koof for five. Vito, women operate in a hive mind. Of course, Star Wars Girl would block you if you tossed shade on her friends, not to mention the PDF file tweets. Thank you for not killing yourselves. I had her on my show a long time ago.

Star Wars girl? Yeah, back when she only had like 10,000 followers. By the way, I was one of the first guys to put her on. I was very nice. Spitali told me. But then she immediately fell in love with all these other guys. I went, all right, that's fine. Oh, that's too bad.

Spitali. It's fine. I don't care. Spitali. Well, it's one of those things where I go, because she came on my show a long time ago, I'm very loyal. I was like, I'm not going to talk shit about this girl.

She came on my show. She was nice. She hangs out with a bunch of trash bags, and that's fine. Not all of them are trash bags. I like Chrissy Mayer. But if she's being right by her friends, I get it. When you guys were at the Chrissy Mayer show, he said he met her and she introduced herself to him in real life as that Star Wars girl. And he was like, nope.

Yeah, you actually met her in real life. I thought it was a point star. She goes, I'm that Star Wars girl. And he was just like, nope. Seems like a very nice, normal lady. See, that's the weird thing. Some of these people are out here trying to be entertainers and weirdos, and then some of them are just like there.

Like Star Wars Girl strikes me as just like, she's like a nice, normal girl who's hanging out with these people. Am I crazy? She's got, her body's like. Well, she's very good looking. Boom. She's definitely good looking. Boom.

Yeah. Party up front, party in the back. I don't know. Whenever I watch these streams though, It's just like She seems too normal Yeah you don't have a favorite Simcast gal It was Chrissy You told us earlier

I don't watch I don't think I've ever watched A full episode of Simcast Mine is Mint We gotta get more Mint on that show I want Mint Salad Mint Salad deserves To be very popular

And I hope she's doing well More loads Gotta be more loads Jacked off I haven't seen They don't have any on there That I like The ladies

The good looking ladies Who's that I like. The ladies? Yeah. The good looking ladies? Who's that one like Asian? You don't like listening to women talk from the clavicle up? Yeah, you know what? I don't. Who's that one Asian broad? I know it shocks you with everything you know about me, but I've never been like, you know

what I like about her? The words coming out of her mouth. The collarbone? Oh, yeah. Hubba bubba bubba. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm attracted to everything hubba bubba bububba-bubba. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm attracted to everything hubba-bubba-bubba. Her fucking neckline.

Yeah, of course. I just think Mint Salad deserves success. She's doing a great job. Where are we? G-Dash for 10. Who is the fat ginger? Well, that's, I don't know. Koo for two.

How much to get Josh Denny on the scale? How much, Josh? Is there a number? Five grand. Five grand. Five grand. There you go. You don't weigh as much as me. Just take whatever I weigh and subtract a couple pounds.

I don't know. You might be surprised. Do you weigh less than him? I think so. Yeah. I can tell. Fat guys can tell. I'm on my way.

I'm on my way. It's closer than it should be. Yeah. I should be doing better than I am, but. Same for me. I fucked. Actually, though, I think this week, we'll see. I got a haircut the other day that felt real good and then walked out and saw my reflection

against the glass and I was like, there that went. I was just like, Jesus Christ. I was like, I literally look like I'm wearing one of those pregnancy suits because I'm only fat in one place. Yeah. And everywhere else I'm like normal person. You do have it all right there. It's all right there.

Yeah, it is very Santa-esque. I'm like a young Santa. You know, you ever see the old Claymation Santa where he's red-headed and then he turns, that's me. I started writing a young Santa movie. We should talk. I would love to do it. Vito's dopamine segment. That's what we need to do. Vito's dopamine segment. I started writing a young

Santa movie. Great. I'm in. I'll be young Santa. You can be young Santa. Take that Tim Allen. Shoot it like with nothing. Shoot it like with just a camera. Like an iPhone. I got a really good. Do I got to do Christmas? Yeah. I had a really good promise for a really good do christmas yeah i got i had a really good promise for a movie i kind of want to get back to writing that but i gotta finish all the

comics though anyway um wipe your glasses veto i tried it never works cool for two i should bring in i have those lens wipes i should leave a bunch of them here uh cool for two i see veto's got a new toy draft i don't know oh i've been playing with this tiny giraffe the whole episode because I'm insane. Don't put toys in front of me. What am I going to do? I was going to say on the Godzilla episode, some people were like, hey, look at Vito's side boob. And I was like, that's a little embarrassing. But some people were saying I'm looking slimmer.

Oh. Crazy people? I don't know. I feel slim. You know what it is? The hair is slimming. The hair is coming back. Are you on Molly?

No, I'm not on Molly. Let's see. Aklovich for two. Chuck Dixon. More like Chuck Dixon my ass. Thank you for that, Aklovich. Thank you for giving Dick this moment. Chuck Dixon.

We're like Chuck Dixon. Chuck Dixon my ass. Hey, don't say that. Don't say that. All right, all right. Where are you? You got to go lower. Chuck, somebody had a name for you there i mean imagine that

you're saying your own name and then a bunch of dicks shooting your ass nobody wants that nobody wants that nobody wants that hey did you hear about rip ascent i did hear about rip ascent imagine that you order a comic book and a bunch of cocks with aids nobody wants that Nobody wants that Nobody wants that Imagine you're trying to fuck some twins And then you get slapped with a Me Too sexual harassment lawsuit Nobody wants that That's what I'm saying, Vito Imagine you order a comic book from some fat idiot And you don't get it for like a year and a half.

And you're going to pay shipping on top of it. Nobody wants that. I love that we have legendary comic creator Chuck Dixon. Chuck Dixon my ass. Who probably assumed he would at some point just retire on top of the world. Instead of a stupid comedy podcast is clutch cargling him to say horrible AIDS things. Nobody wants that. Nobody wants that. This is Chuck Dixon's legacy now or 70 you invented bane and then you thought you'd cash in and just

make some shitty horseman he invented bane now he's got to work for a black psychopath don't say this guy who are you josh denard nobody. And instead of just being able to rest on your laurels, you've got to work for a 30-year-old thug psychopath. I was going to say another word, a J word, but now I won't. Because nobody wants it. You're killing it, Chuck. Nobody wants it. Everyone's excited for Alpha Corps.

Alpha Corps is great. Bane, go check out Horseman, everyone. Headcount Horseman. That's true. I'm excited for that. You open up a comic book and a bunch of you go back in time and you're a little kid and you're getting raped. Nobody wants that.

Wait. Did you change the plot? No, this is Chuck's car. Exactly. Exactly. Nobody wants that. No one's going back in time. That's what Horseman is fighting.

All right, Chuck Dixon. That's what Horseman's fighting. Famous Batman writer and creator of Bane. I'm the creator of Bane. It's just like... What? There's just something funny about the idea that, you know, growing up, you never imagine as you're reading a Chuck Dixon comic

that someday you're going to be watching a comedy podcast. Someday you're going to be talking to him. Yeah, someday you're going to be talking to him about all the gay comics he's making. About all the dicks in your ass. How many dicks do you have in your ass right now, Vito? I don't know. Five or six? Not very many, hopefully. Just eyeball. I mean, guess.

Zero, I would hope. Less than four. Less than four. Nobody wants that. Nobody wants that. Thank you, Chuck. And thank you to whoever sent in that. That was Aklovich for $2. Dicks in my ass. Benjamin for five. It's cute how Vito's learning about women

now. He could have picked up Men Are Better Than Women in 2008 and bought himself a lot of time. Kagon Postal for five. Josh, it's not how fat do I look, it's about how fat you are. Great point. Utah-based Armenian for five. Hey, Vito, just convert to Judaism. You can cover your bald spart with a yarmulke and feel good about all the money you save skipping transplants.

Yeah. So you say that, but have you seen Seinfeld's new hair? What? Jerry Seinfeld? His hair transplants? Oh, they look good. They look good. Are they from a bunch of Palestinian kids?

You guys are pretty much in the same income bracket. So it's pretty attainable. look good. Are they from a bunch of like Palestinian kids? He kidnapped a bunch of Palestinian children. Because remember he was kind of bald. He's bald for a while. He's been, you know. He doesn't look like science. He looks different. Now he's got that. You're just going to be like a fat guy with like thinning hair instead of

no hair. He was Jerry turning into George for a while. Now you want to be George turning into Jerry? Exactly. Yeah, it's going to be good. Let's see. Kagon Postal for five. I just Googled Josh's drink. Celsius Energy Drink is your partner to an active lifestyle.

Why the hell are you drinking it, Josh? I stole it off abroad. That Celsius isn't terrible, although I like the Prime better. K to the Swiss for five. Thank you. Cody Titus for two. Vito knows way too much about buffets. Poor guy.

Coup for two. Food vlogger Vito. Go fuck yourself, Cody. Buffets. Too much. Yeah. So when you thin show, you don't get fucked? I want to make some food shows.

I do. I had a buddy. We were going to do a sandwich show. Just go around L.A. But you ate all the cameras. Eating all these fancy sandwiches. I had a buddy who were going to do a sandwich show. Just go around LA. But you ate all the cameras. Eating all these fancy sandwiches. I ate all the cameras. Listen, if you don't want me to eat it,

don't put a roll around it. You're way too pleased with yourself for that shitty joke. You're way too pleased with that joke. It was a stupid story about nothing. Then he ate all the cameras. It got me. I didn't expect him to say cameras. Trio Doug for 10.

I'll film it for you, but you have to pay for my buffet ticket. I'd do that. Johnny Rico for 5. Recent studies show fat people do not have any more muscle because of their weight. They have less. Huh. Because being fat is bad for your life. Lift veto.

Huh. Interesting. Aklovich for 2. Veto, please. Wait, you don't think our leg muscles are gigantic? I was going to say. You're out of your mind. The legs.

You're carrying around extra weight. I bet that guy knows a lot about fucking fitness, dude. Yeah. My legs are huge. Aklovich for two. Vito, please explain the love for Southland Tales. You get to hear Sean William Scott say the N-word to The Rock. It's hilarious.

Oh. It's like the best scene in the movie. Trio, you get to see John Lovitz as an insane racist cop shoot a black man to death. And then he goes, flow my tears, which is a reference to the Philip K. Dick novel, Flow My Tears, The Policeman Said, as he then turns and kills Amy Poehler. Best scene ever.

Atrio Doug for five. Vito, please do more video game videos. It's obviously what you're passionate about. Video game videos are hard because video games are long. It's not like a movie where you can watch it for two hours and then talk about it. Just say it's too hard. It's a lot of time. It's too hard to make a video game video.

It's a time suck. It's a big time suck. Yeah. I could do it. Vito the Oink Piggy. Gives $10, and that's his name. All right. Q for five.

Thank you, Ed, for not killing yourself because the SJWs killed you. RIP, Ed Piskor. I hope we can talk about that next week because that's terrible. Victor Pratley for five, New Zealand. Can Josh tell us some anecdotes about his time as a roadie for Steely Dan? That's a reference to a movie somewhere, I think. Oh, is it? I don't know what that movie is.

But it was a fat guy who was like, man, when I was a roadie for Steely Dan. Wait, wait, wait. Wasn't that Chris Farley in? Wayne's World. In Wayne's World, right? Was at roadie for stealing. Wait, wait, wait. Wasn't that Chris Farley in? Wayne's World. In Wayne's World, right? Was it? But I don't think it's that movie. When he's like, I got no place else to go.

Yeah, I don't know. Maybe. I don't know. There was a scene where Chris Farley was a roadie in Wayne's World, and he was giving stories. I don't know if it's the same thing. Yeah, I don't know if that was it. Ride Dog for five.

Vito bringing the same problem two weeks in a row. What was my problem today? What was your problem? A choice. A choice overload or something? Yeah. Yeah. Vito the Oink Piggy for five.

YouTube won't let me say what I want. Let's just say Richard looks heavy. Ooh. Me? Now he's directing it at you. What the fuck? I don't think that's funny. Exactly six million for two. Says Vito, are you going to Carl and Melton's Vegas show? I already said if somebody will pay for my trip.

It's not a mooch. Why don't you just sell t-shirts to afford your hotel room? I don't know, man. What is that, the hack-averse or whatever? Yeah. Why can't I be in one of these situations where everybody else gets paid to go out to those things? Like a breakfast and tiffany situation? Don't you have to be bad for longer to be a part of that thing?

Bad for longer? Yeah. Oh. You're all crying at the beginning like you don't want to offend women and you want everyone to be friends. That's not how you get free hotel rooms. I still want to go, but it's coming up soon, right? Yeah, I think so. I like Vegas. I've been meaning

to get back to Vegas. Maybe I might go. You know, it's open all the time. I know it's open all the time. I think it sounds like there's been windows that you've just missed. I like Vegas. I've been meaning to get back to Vegas. Maybe I might go. You know, it's open all the time. I know it's open all the time. I think it sounds like there's been windows that you've just missed. No, but like if I'm going to go out, I usually, I'll usually go out if there's an event going on rather than just, I mean, I could just drive to Vegas. What? Like five hours, six hours?

Yeah. I should do it. Coup for two. Paradox of choice. First example, food. It's a good example. Cody, Titus for five. Can the obese ginger stop acting like he eats healthy? A sideways face. Well, no, I actually do eat healthy. First example, food. It's a good example. Cody, Titus 5, can the obese ginger stop acting like

he eats healthy? I actually do eat healthy. He eats healthier than me. I just don't do anything. That's the problem. If I was active... It's hard to be active. I would fucking... I'm back on the exercise bike and I'm having a fun time. James Gardner for a big 50. Wait, is it an upright bike or

a recumbent? It's a recumbent. It's a bed. Okay, yeah. It better be. Say goodbye to that dick if you're on an upright bike. It's a big padded seat. I did an upright when I first lost a bunch of weight, and then I started having ED, and I went to my doctor. He's like, yeah, your perineum is demolished. Oh, shit.

What have you been on the exercise bike all the time? For your own weight pushing your taint into the bicycle seat. Oh, fuck, man. And he was like- you better not work out. No, I have one with a big padded seat. It's fine. James Gardner for a big 50 on the board. Anything you guys need.

Are you talking about your dick? You want me to talk about my dick? I have one with a big padded seat. That's what I mean. Yeah, for my giant dick. Yeah. It's a compliment. Good for you.

It's just to be comfortable when I'm working out As I'm working out And losing weight and staying healthy We'll see James Gardner says Anything you guys need Even selling lesbian coffees to maps and anime fans I got you James

The quartering Doing a quartering impression here Are you guys good with the quartering? Nope I don't like the quartering Well we used to be friends with him And then he started selling lesbian SJW coffee And I said I can't do that

I can't abide that That's a bridge too far The bridge too far is when an insane black man Invents crazy Stupid allegations Eric July basically said We're looking into suing Biggest problem in the universe

And a bunch of other YouTube guys Went good They need to learn a lesson About the harm Dick and Vito have been causing We're getting Vito but secretly we mean Dick Because we all hate Dick I think they hate both of us He covered something that I got cancelled for at one time

I don't remember if it was the first thing Or the pro-life thing or whatever, but he just had such a lukewarm take about it. Because he doesn't research any of this shit. He covered us at Netflix and he didn't say our names. What? Really? You don't remember that? I remember that.

I don't pay attention. I don't know. I have a real issue with people who do opinion content and fight real hard not to have an opinion about anything. I don't know if you guys have seen this. Have you guys seen this? But here's what some people are saying, and here's what other people are saying. Now, I don't have a horse in this race at all, one way or another, and I really don't

have an opinion about it, but here are the facts, and then here's some conjecture. But I didn't get knocked out by a train. Because at the end of the day, the only people they end up actually giving any attention or energy to is people they think they can suck up to and get money. Yeah, or young horse yeah so the quartering all day long will go guys we got to support steven crowder it's so awful that you know this guy he fired is coming at him and everyone needs to help out steven crowder and the only reason he's doing that is quartering is like i got this new year i could work for steven crowder or i could have a

show on steven crowder's network or steven crowder can help me and something else happens like a bunch of psychopath women pushing a talented comic artist into his grave with fake allegations. And did the courtroom make a video about it? No. It's not interesting. Gina Carano. No, I could get her on my show.

I was on her set. And that would be interesting. Oh, my God. I was on a real Hollywood set. She was canceled. Gina Carano was canceled. Like, what about Ed Piskor? Why don't you talk about that?

Well, he's already dead. Or your boy from fucking Popcorn Planet or whatever. They never covered that shit either. Quartering made fun of Andy. Quartering made fun of Andy because his eyes detached from his fucking skull. Yeah, forget about the fact that he was ruined by his fucking business, was ruined by false allegations. No story there.

Andy Signore made a video. He went out of his way to make fun of his eye surgery. Yeah, he said, hey guys, I'm in the hospital. Major issue. Yeah, major. He's like, I just want you guys to know. You've got eyes. Dude, Andy had to stream. I've been told. Andy had to stream in like bed with like on one of those

pillows for his face. With a dildo in his ass. So his camera was on the floor and he was staring down at it because. Fucking Jew doctors? And he had a dildo in his ass. Everything's Jew doctors? And he had a dildo on his ass. Everything's gotta be set! He had a dildo on his ass. He was Jewish. I know my Kanye PTSD is coming back in. He had to keep his face

pointed down because if he moved his head up his fucking eye could detach again. And the quartering was on Twitter going oh and he's trying to milk his audience for sympathy. His fucking eyes are detaching from his head. I just think calling your show the most extreme thing that could happen to somebody when you're someone with nothing but lukewarm opinions. Oh, the quartering, yeah. Yeah, there's no risk of that happening to somebody who's like, I mean, you know, some people think this.

I don't trust guys who are friends with so many women. Like, the quartering has way too many women in his orbit and he's friendly with and paying them. I don't trust that. It is what it is. It seems like a sex cult waiting to happen type of a deal. I don't know what it is. All these people, though, have just thrown in with Eric Gilles so hard and they're like, they can't figure out how to like, some of them, though, look, I'll be real.

I'm getting messages from people behind the scenes and they're going, hey, I probably shouldn't have thrown in so hard with that Eric Gilles guy. I'm like, yeah, well. Well, I'm going to make fun of everyone. Listen, I'm- I've got bad news. I'm going to tell you. I don't feel anything.

I can't be manipulated by the little whores you send to DM me and guilt me for shit. See, Clip Sama reposted. I'm like a bunch of manatees floating around. Nope. Oh, that's funny. Huh. Yeah.

The best part of the thing Wednesday, there's so many of the black conservatives that feel like total grifters. Yeah. And then the best part of Wednesday was that we got to meet Jesse Lee Peterson, who was in no way a grifter. No. He is 100% that dude in real life.

And by the way, I've never been more psyched to meet somebody. And then the greatest thing was he found out that Carl and I were both comedians and then was immediately like, y'all want to tell a joke to each other? And his was way more racist than ours. He said, well, I'm going to quote, it was an old street joke, but I had never heard it before. And he was like, what's the difference between Batman and the black man? And we said, what is it Jesse and he goes the

Batman could go into a store without Robin and I was like oh my god I was like this man is fantastic that's great here was it you had him in the show? Ralph did a week of shows here. He's so fun. Where does he live? He's here. I think he moved. No, I think he's somewhere in LA. He's still here? He's somewhere in LA. It might be in Orange County or something. No, I think he's here. Somebody was telling me. He's the real deal.

Dude, he is the real deal. He's a great black hope. I want him, for the love of God. I was like, please come to the taping. We will film with you all goddamn day. Oh, man. You're talking about somebody who's just such an inspiration. That would be great. Well, I told her I would marry her if Jesse Lee Peterson did the Sarah.

Of course. I'll marry him if Jesse Lee Peterson says I'll marry you, too. Well, let's see. Two socks, Calzini for 10. Hey, guys. Vito's Ghostbusters video. I had a fine amount of racism. It was good.

I actually was surprised at how many racist jokes I put in there. Keep bringing in stats. Maddox does stats. Vito must emulate him, and it gets Dick mad. Also make the illusion of Gaia video. People might watch that. Cool for two. In-N-Out solves the choice paradox.

I was also going to make a video. They're a great example of, by the way, how to do it right. Minimize the menu. That's actually what creates the illusion. In-N-Out is great. It's what creates the illusion, and then In-N-Out is good, because it isn't. Well, it's good if you know what you're doing, but it's not great. I love these two fat guys talking

about how In-N-Out reinvented the fucking game. I used to really hate In-N-Out. Their business thing, they've actually proven that if you just run the business right, your product can be half shit, and it doesn't matter. I started making a video a long time ago, and the video was

the scientific reason In-N-Out's fries are terrible. So maybe I should finish that video. I have a lot of food topics. Make one a week. Make one food topic a week. I started getting, but the problem was I started getting too deep into it, and I was making, like,

customatic-style graphics of French fries, like, falling across the screen. Just on 80%. You got to learn how to do 80%. I got to learn how to do 80%. Or just get editors. Shitlips for 20 puts a dollar sign. That is the best super chat of all time.

Race Bannon for 10 Canadian. RIP Hardcar. Hardcar. Hardcar. I like a hard R. Chucky Cheese for 50 Vindaloo says capitalism does not, oh, regarding the topic of capitalism, not incentivizing beautiful neighborhoods.

It's lower on the list of needs for shitty neighborhoods. Vito's just too poor to have an HOA. I don't want an HOA, though. You know? What's a government, then? I don't know, sir. Okay, I don't want a government. Let's get rid of the government.

Sure. Pineapple man for two. R.I.P. Carr. Vito, the big cool guy. Like Piggy. For five. Says, just fat guys who eat at Panda Express complaining about old people who pay their debt to society.

Hold on. You're a Panda Express fat. I am not a Panda Express fat. Do not put that on me. How fat are you? Del Taco. Okay. Like, that's why I haven't left Los Angeles.

Panda Express is not bad for you if you know what you're getting. Jesus Christ. I watched this argument you made for Panda Express. If you just get the beef and broccoli. Go on the Panda Express website and look at the nutrition facts. What I'm doing is totally fine. The mushroom chicken is chicken and zucchini and vegetables. Yeah, but you can't make this argument looking like you do.

You've got to be skinny. If you looked like Dick, if any of you looked as good as Dick and said, like, I just eat Panda Express but I eat the good stuff, people would go, oh, maybe there is some good stuff. You can't look like us and go, guys, Dairy Queen has some things that are totally within the calorie

count for today. If you just smell the ice cream, it's fine. It's fine. I eat the napkins. Yeah. Benjamin for five is trolling. He says, I love Josh as a guest. Josh, tell us about your crazy plane crash story.

That's such an old gay lie. Old bit. Coup for two. Bread tube veto. Conrad veto. Veto the very cool guy for two. Says, Jesus, this stream looks like my Tinder matches. Well, that's bad.

Ditto VG for five. What do you mean Tinder? Veto, make a new channel and do more video game stuff. Guys, I have limited time on this earth. I can't make infinite content, okay? We're making a comic book. Do you want the comic book or not? Are you writing it all day?

I'm writing the next one. You need to make a video. You need to make a video. About what? Any of this stuff. Buffet shit, food stuff. I don't think there's growth potential on YouTube. I think it's a dying platform.

Everybody's moving on to like- Bro, this is cope. I'm making more money doing this show. This is good content. Was that Copacabana? Yeah, I like it. Coping. Coping and seething.

You just can't accept what you're seeing. Yes, you're coping. Look, it's a good tune. I could. Yes. Look, I know what YouTube videos do well's a good tune. I could. Yes. Look, I know what YouTube videos do well, and I know how to make it work. I just don't really want to be a YouTube guy. I think you've got to focus on one thing really, really hard.

Maybe two things. And I've got two things. I have a podcast, and I have a comic book. And you're all out of comic books. I'm all out of comic books. There you go. I don't want to spread myself too thin. Look.

No risk of that happening. We're just the same guy. I walked right into that one. Come on. I avoid saying stupid shit like that. You should do more walking into that one. I should do more walking into that one. Look, I don't want to get too full of myself.

What? Oh, come on. That was an easy one. It doesn't register at all. Too full. You're eating yourself in this analogy? I don't get it. You can make a video. You can make a video. You can make a video. I did make a video. I put a video out

two weeks ago. Yeah, but you should have made a better one. Okay. That one sucked. It's not that bad. It's just late. It's not late. It's just... It's temporally challenged. Okay. Kagon Post It's just... Well, I... Whatever. It's temporally challenged. Kagon Postal... All right, look.

I've said. Get my Patreon to three grand. I will pay an editor. No, no, no. To be a full-time editor. Well, that's not happening. You don't have to do it. Yeah, but it's going to take...

It takes, like, people who are being patrons of this. Only people who want videos from me should sign up to my Patreon. And all the money from that will go to paying editors. And our Patreon. If we could should sign up to my Patreon. And all the money from that will go to paying editors. And our Patreon. If we could get ours up to $10, we will kick in on the editing. If you guys go to the big uglies Patreon, get us up to... I need to pay. If we could get 10 patrons, we just started.

I need to pay an editor if I'm going to make videos. Hire Connor. I don't know if Connor does video essays. Connor does video essays. We're going to go get that Maddox on our show and build our audience. You should lie to him if you email him and say, like, I really said that. Well, don't give it away on the show. Why?

He doesn't care. He won't see this. He won't see the plot. Maybe not. Send an email. Tell him you've got a big sports show. Kagon Postal 5. Any person who has a tech profession knows exactly what Josh is talking about.

Josh wins flawless victory. Oh, the family discount? Yes. Can you come fix my computer? Dean Shock for five. I miss when my roommate was a mechanic, though. I used to have a mechanic roommate, and, man, he would just fix my car for nothing. Dean Shock for five.

Thanks for all the last boys. You're part of the problem. Oh, he's a big-time abuser. Oh, I am a big-time abuser. I am. I take advantage of everything. Dean Chalk for five. Thanks for all the laughs, boys. Vito, I loved all the run-on sentences and wrong words in your latest update.

Ever reread before posting? Run-on sentences and wrong words. He loved them. I don't know, man. I just, like, fire it off. It's off the cuff. Does it need to be a... It's worth nothing to you. It's an update. Yeah. Run-on sentences. I caught the man. I just like fire it off. It's off the cuff. It's worth nothing to you. It's an update. Run on senses. I caught the dig.

I don't have an editor for the Indiegogo updates. I think it was fine. Jason Reed for 20. Here's a better example than vetoes. Companies who use AI to automate jobs and lay off their workers are trading the well-being of many people for more profits. It's a utilitarian net negative, but capitalism rewards it anyway that is a good example yeah but that's entirely about that's like a fuck you to the government for forcing them to pay workers and they have a fiduciary responsibility to maintain profitability forcing them to pay workers um more than more than the skilled labor requires like that's also but the laborers can't afford a fucking house on a wage.

Yeah, but if they don't have- Who's fault is that? BlackRock. No. And their ESG agenda. Why are houses so expensive? I can tell you exactly why. Because they won't let them build anymore.

That's a big part of it. And the high-end inventory is being eaten up by foreign investment. So what will happen is people who can buy $3 or $4 million houses, the inventory is getting absorbed by developers who will buy up four or five of them by each other, demolish them, and make a $150 million house that nobody can afford to live in. So a Chinese billionaire invests in it and rents it out to film production companies. And so all of your residential real estate sits empty for 90% of the year, but for the 10% in which it's paid for by film production. And there's no mid-range inventory for even the 1% to buy homes.

So it drives up suburban prices even further. So you're getting squeezed from both ends where you're not allowed to build low-income housing. And even the 1% inventory is being swallowed up by foreign investment that's non-residential in nature. So you're getting fucking fucked by both ends. So I should move to New Hampshire. But the point of this, because I see this a lot, that this is like an example of how capitalism is out of control. If AI or machines can do your job, we don't want you doing that job.

Correct. Your labor's unskilled to begin with. We don't want people work slaving away if they don't have to. The goal of humans is to not work. That's why we have technology. That's why we created technology.

I thought you were arguing against UBI. This is an argument for UBI. UBI is a scam. Okay. You don't need to have An abstraction of money to like Pass around and play Interstate games So you want to

Achieve a cashless society? What are you saying? Here's something that nobody thinks about If the government raised minimum wage Just to help people Then why wouldn't they just not tax people at all Below a certain income level?

Right. Because they don't get rich that way. Right. Raising the minimum wage- Makes them more taxed. Raises the amount of money they make in taxes. And then when the company has to raise prices, they also make more money in sales taxes. So it's literally a raise for themselves. It's a scam.

They're for themselves. And nobody benefits but the federal government. It's like the lottery. Somebody wins every six months, the government wins every fucking time. Every week. Every week. Instead of UBI, you could just say, okay, well, we're not collecting any tax for people that make less than $400,000. Which is the only way I would approve a UBI.

But it's not should do. That's the only thing that everything else is a scam. Well, UBI was supposed to be a negative income tax from Milton Friedman. That's how he described it. So it is based. It is income tax related. But a UBI with income tax is a scam. UBI is just giving black people more money.

Right? Well, it's giving everybody a baseline. Okay. Sure. Okay, Coleman Shelton. As long as you're black. I know black people are going to collect a lot of it. I get that.

Okay? But here's the thing. This is where I differ from a lot of fiscal conservatives. Anthony Cumia. He's been taking a lot of shit on Twitter lately. No. Even I'm uncomfortable. Cumia's going wild.

Oh, you're telling me I was on tour with him for two years. I know. What do you think those green room conversations were like? After I see him on Twitter, I go, wow, you guys must have had a lot of fun backstage with that guy. How many times did you have the same conversation with him about black people? Every time? Every night? No, it usually just, it's a pretty short conversation.

Usually just ends up. Those fucking FNNs. Yeah, that's what. FNNs. MFNs. He's almost completely come out the other side where he's like, what can we expect from them? Yeah, at this point he's treating them like children.

Yeah, it's literally like, what he's, yeah, Jesse Lee will literally be like, we're going to buy baby. I guess it was just kind of weird because for a while it was like he was on Twitter. He just got his original Twitter back. But, like, he was, like, tweeting crazy shit. And I'm like, yeah, but no one's really seeing it. But now black Twitter seems to have found Anthony Acumio's Twitter. Oh, they're going after him.

Oh, man. He's getting in a lot of scrapes. Don't you think not taxing people would be better than taxing and then redistributing the money? I mean, I think it would probably end up working out. Either way you do it, it can be abused is the problem. Yes or no. Yeah, but here's the problem. Not taking people's money and then giving it to them.

I mean, sure, you could say it's simpler. Not taking any money is better. Well, not taking any money, but how would you take money from someone who's making no money anyway? There's a three-tiered structure that would work perfectly. By taking it from their employer. No, I'm saying somebody who isn't working, you still have to have... Those are the total dregs.

There's a lot of dregs. There's a lot of dregs. There's a lot of people on welfare. People who are making no money, right? None at all. Totally worthless. Trash. Just give them rice or whatever. I'm not going to say trash. It doesn't matter. They can't afford a computer, right?

They're not super chatting, so who gives a fuck? They might have a government cell phone. I don't know. So they are super chatting. I don't think they're... They should be super chatting. I'll take food stamps. Okay, so let's just disregard all those people. Let's disregard all those people, right?

Right. Because that's not most people. Most people are working shitty jobs, right? What if we took all them and said, like, you know what? We're just not going to tax you at all. That would be good. And then eliminate all the government programs that when we end used to subsidize their

overtaxed income. No payroll taxes for them. No unemployment tax. No unemployment taxes. Nothing. I agree that it makes no sense to tax people for their money and then give it back to them in the form of entitlement programs. And why would we do that? To steal.

And not only that. To steal. To steal. And not only that. That's the Democrat thing. Tax the shit out of them. I mean, it's Republican too, but. I was going to say, I don't know why that's a uniquely Democratic. Here's a great example. Republicans are always about cutting.

Cut. Cut for the rich people first, but cut taxes overall. Employment, payroll taxes, massive cuts. Payroll taxes. As a percentage of the income of all the taxes taken in by the American government. What number do you think it is? Fifteen percent. No, no.

I'm saying like a regular guy. No, of their income. I don't know. What percent? I bet it's over 80. I bet over 80 percent of all income comes from payroll tax. And by the way, I always tell people the best form of civil disobedience is to not engage in automated payroll tax. Make them wait until the end of the year so that they cannot collect interest on your tax money,

which is what they do and how they make even more money for themselves. Well, I don't know. I've got to pay my estimated taxes. They won't even let me do it at the end of the year now. I'm going to do it quarterly. Why? Because you're in such a high-income bracket? No, just if you're independent, self-employed, you're supposed to.

Yeah, or you could just pay the penalties. I know. You know what you could do is keep your money, collect the interest, and then pay your penalties. You might have a good point. At this point, it might make more sense. I don't know what the penalty is. I just don't like— Stop voting.

Yeah, I just— That's the penalty. That's it. All right, let's go. What's next? Everyone, welcome to our tax show where we discuss how to fix America. Exivus for five. I was a line cook for nine years, but the story of Don Vito, the pizza whisperer, trumps any culinary novel I could ever write.

I tried to pitch my pizza sitcom, and Dick and Randy said I'm retarded. I don't know if it's a whole sitcom. It would be that, but it's a show. Maybe do a video about it. I think I could do a whole. Because you didn't say about, like, I'm driving across the field and stuff. Yeah, we got to get the pizza. Yeah, it wasn't an off-roading pizza delivery show.

You undersold it. You were like, okay, it's like Mystic Pizza. It's like Twisted Metal, but with pizza. Me and my 95 Honda Civic burning across a soccer field. There's a bunch of soccer guys who are clearing it out of the way. I'm like, yeah. The fact that you could get a Civic up to speed, that's a a show i loved that care lj clobberino for five i made an ai chatbot anime wife sue waifu with the hockey app she has no problem telling me race-based crime statistics

and hates the jays i want to marry her that's the future of every relationship gun ranger for two asks does his show have a pl box yes. box? Yes, I've actually gone. If you go to the Biggest Problem website at biggestproblem.show, under the fans tab is a contact form, which has the P.O. boxes for the show, as well as the voicemail call-in number. A lot of people are always asking me where that is. So go to the show and look under the fans tab.

Yulin Utvazazi for 50 says, put this in the veto shaving his beard fund. That will never happen. I look horrific without this beard. And for $5, the biggest problem is the Uber and Lyft surge pricing. I have to leave over an hour early for work in order to beat. Oh, wait. You almost got me.

You almost got him. Yeah, good job. Beat fares. Good job, man. Doubling due to rush hour. Good job, N, man. That was close. A lot of people don't understand why that is.

Why is that? He's lying about that, just to make him say, to be fair. Yeah, no, I understand that part of it, but it does need correcting. I'm interested. The surge pricing is just entirely based on demand, and they have to raise the price to incentivize drivers to go out. Actually, if everything that was on a supply-demand matrix like that had the ability to pivot pricing,

you wouldn't have overall inflation. You would just have surge pricing for everything. Well, they tried doing that at Wendy's and everybody threw a fit. Imagine if you had surge pricing with your two-hour pizza delays. That's true. Then there would be less... Or you'd be able to have more labor,

but you also have a limited footprint. Well, again, though, the fast food wars and the $5 food long beat into the mind of the consumer that food costs nothing and all food quality drugs. All food quality drugs. Let's read through these things. I'm sorry. It's too much. Mega Man for two. Vito should post a picture of his shower.

Strategery for two. Vita's a plus Patreon sub. Dick's right. You're winning. Oh, versus their show. Joe Cool for ten. Vito's credibility as a movie critic isn't there since he presents as a fat gamer as an in-depth food business video essay guy. Well, we can see the credibility.

It's the reverse of gym influencers. See, I like that. I like it being opposite fitness influencing. Maybe I'll be a food guy. Drunk in Atheist Studio for five. Everyone subscribe to the Culturescape podcast. I'm about to spend the weekend editing a three-hour conversation with Vito Giswaldi. Episode drops next week. That's true.

I was on the Culturescape podcast with Pete the Happy Warrior. We talked for three hours about all things cancel culture and my illustrious comedy career. So I hope people will check that out. And that will be edited by Drunken Atheist Studio. We'll also edit some fantastic clips for this show, including the moment Maddox considered teaming up with Eric July. That clip is now available on our YouTube channel. Johnny Rico for five, you know,

a friend of mine only orders pizza with no cheese because he hates cheese. I don't know why he bothers at all. How often did you get that odd request? Occasionally you would get that, and it just comes out a burnt hunk of shit, and no one should order it that way. The cheese actually kind of shields the dough from the heat of the oven.

All right, all right. He had paid five bucks! Who fucking cares? Mick Quiznos for ten. Dude, I listened to Lowell Cow because it was something to listen to while playing Xbox. Tommy is chill.

Wings has become cool. Boogie is a leech to Keem and Keem screwed it. He's so annoying. Boogie is cancer. It's ironic he's dying of cancer. I'm out. It is ironic. Alright, I will burn through these. We're having a fun show. It's a very fun show. Everyone's having a lot of fun. I hope the cure for cancer

is getting hit by a bus. And everybody's having a good time. Dog Friday 5 for 10. Just watched American Fiction. Great movie. You guys need to do a review. We should. We've had no pirate donations. Okay, I guess we're not doing Vito's Booty.

Well, you got a pirate donation on the Godzilla show. That doesn't count. You said it counted during the Godzilla show. I was lying. We haven't got one. That's a shame. Better get that pirate donation in. Okay.

Two for two. Butter Bowl, Vito, Wise Man, Vito. Get that Butter Bowl. I got stuff in the box. Two for two. Butterbull, Vito, Wise Man. Vito, get that Butterbull. Necro, C for five. Hey, Josh, I wanted to let you know that Mr. Abstruse is straight. Sertourgery for five. Hey, V, it's wish all the best for Superkiller, but why are you wearing a Relipaclus hat on stream? I don't

understand. Trucks me. Yeah, I am inverted. Jagar for two. R.I.P. Car, we hardly knew ye. Big Boss for two. Vito's cat is lost forever. Drunken Atheistagar for two. R.I.P. Car. We hardly knew ye. Big Boss for two. Vito's cat is lost forever. Drunk and Atheist Studio for five. First, EVS got banned from C2E2, which we had time to talk about. Then both of Sam Hyde's Chicago shows sold out before I grabbed tickets.

April is nuked. Life is pain. Yeah, they wanted to add more to those. Josh, you got a friends and family ticket and kicking around? No. No. How about you don't sit around and wait for to those. Josh, you got a friends and family ticket and kicking around? No. Well, no. How about you don't sit around and wait for tickets to sell out, you fucking scum? Well, I don't know how quick they sold out.

Immediately. Bomb a gumper for five. These guys are a big drive. I'm not reading that. My name is Vito. I'm fat like a cow. Moo, moo, moo. I graze and eat all day.

Moo, moo. Well, I feel left out of this. Yeah, why don't you give some of those to Josh? Yeah, I'll take some fat. No, don't give that to the guests. Coup for five. Implied veto. Rude guy veto.

Always with the worst etiquette. Thank you, 80s girl, for not killing veto. Dog Friday, five for five. You know, it's the manner of someone who was raised in a barn like a pig. Oink, oink. Shocking idiots. You'd rather just not say please. Duke for 20.

Is AI Artwiners a problem? Kind of. If not, it should be. Pandora's Box has been opened, and the best most people can argue is it's not real art. Oh, Lord. Chud Bronson for five Canadian. When Vito jizzed in my mouth, Waldie started to talk about being a new person. I thought he was saying he was going on HRT.

I am Vito. Oink, oink. Bama Gumper for five. Eight Vito's cats served at the Chinese buffet. Meat was too gamey, so I trashed it. Okay. Stratergy for two. Dicks.

I'm a Vite supporter. I want to support you, too. How do I support you, Dick? Spread the dick show Patreon. Go to lemonparty.org. Johnny Rico for a big $20 on the board. Read this or your hair no grow. Big's problem is lady drivers.

T-boning fans, hospitalizing them, and robbing them of their lifting gains. Support his GoFundMe by searching serious car accident at worst time. The cop was also a lady. A fan of the show has been hurt. Search for serious car accident

at worst time. And I assume that's a GoFundMe. Well, check it out, guys guys sorry we don't have time to bring it up on the show today car for 20 wants a veto's booty and uh mint salad for 50 says get on the scale for being rude to 80s girl veto jesus christ uh leo for five veto is the pete town stuff podcasting all right that's pretty good good. Bama Gump for five. One of the best bits is that Vito can't get XL trucks me shirts for three months. Get on the fucking scale.

I don't make the shirts. David Gomez for five. Pick the place. The place is good. Just get the light gray or whatever. David, go fucking color. That's it's just not dark black. It's like Heather black.

It probably looks better in dark black. David Gomez for five. It's like heather black. It probably looks better in dark black. David Gomez for five. The monetary motivation of raising kids well is not having them to mooch off of you later. Also, Rich, what do you use to control the Mexican frizz? I don't.

Yeah, I don't think you do. I don't control the frizz, you scallywacker. Lane Steele for five. I just lean into it. Are you aware of Pirate Dick? Are you aware of it? Have you? You met this? Redbeard. You met this ass. Redbeard. Lean into it. Are you aware of Pirate Dick? Are you aware of it? Have you? You met this?

Redbeard. You met this ass. Redbeard. You look like a Viking. Redbeard and Queerbeard. Queerbeard. Grant. You wish, actually. David Goe.

You wish you had a big dick in your mouth or a small one. I'm so glad Captain Dick has shown up to tell me I deserve to have a dick in my mouth. What's the name of the parrot? I'm a pedophile. There you go. I didn't mean to play that one. I meant to play another one. You have another one?

Yeah, hold on a second. Stop fucking around with this. I'm not doing anything. I can't read out of this eye. It's not as good as the other one. You got depth perception issues. This eye is a fucking problem. You're kind of fucking up the illusion when you lift up the eye patch.

Why don't you suck my cock, Vito? You would probably love that. You'd be queer. Grubby drubber, cubber lover. Wait a minute. I don't know why it doesn't show the date created. Okay. Is it a new one?

Wait a minute. Wait. Yes. Piratemusic.mp3. Yeah, I named it so it's easy to look at. Easy to see what's being pirated. You know you can make the size of the font bigger? Oh, I guess I'll make the size of my nuts bigger.

How would you like that? Alright, Captain Cumbier. Oh, shit. Wait a minute. There you go. What is this? It's just a bit of pirated music. Because we're on an adventure. I was discussing this with Pete.

Oh, yeah? The bit is supposed to be, it's like a toy chest at a dentist's office. You're supposed to be a dentist. Hold on, let me get a pirate seat. Why are you a pirate? A ship at sea. What? Why did you need to add to it?

Because I was meant Vito, you have to burn through the super chats because I need a dedicated 20 minutes of fucking audio adventure to pirate bullshit. I had to do this before. I'm sorry, I don't get a vote. I like the pirate. Great. Josh! Josh, just do the whole show. This is the only reason anyone shows up anymore is for this stupid shit.

Oh, so bitter. What? What? What? Hold on! up anymore is for this stupid shit oh so bitter what what what I'm fucking doing thing pirate background this is so that was the sound of booty come on what did you think about that? That's your pirate ship? That sucks. Hold on. Terrible. Just wait a minute. Jesus.

This is not necessary. How do you like the... This is part of it's not necessary. What part of it's not to be a necessary for you to veto? All of this is pointless. Okay, pretty good. This is not going to make it better. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. But you haven't seen it yet.

Now it's on top of Josh. So Josh isn't even on the show anymore Yeah, I've been shipwrecked. You gotta drag it lower in the thing. Not higher. Just fucking stop pestering me Ahahaha Uhhh I can't- Uhhh Do you want me to do it? No, I don't want you to do it. Calm down everyone. Properties, filters Yeah filters. I was going there, but you fucked it up

Okay Press the eyeball Okay, oh Wait, did that work? Yeah, that's it You're putting it on top of you. I'm putting it behind the guests. Guess what else I have, Vito? You cum swoggle. What?

Cum swoggle. It's not a word. I have a fog machine also. Don't say it. Just do it. Look. Are you doing it now? Yeah, I'm doing it now.

Ah, the steams are steamy today, my friend. The seas. You need the fog to hit you. That's going to come up. Hold on. Theams are steamy today, my friend. The seas. You need the fog to hit you. It's going to come up. Hold on. We'll release the curtain. The seas are steamy today, my friend. Like a ladies locker room at Planet Fitness that a bunch of guys are jacking off in.

Get this out of here. Don't worry about it. Why did you get a fog screen? There's no smoke detectors in here. It's fucking up my green screen It's fucking up everything. It's gonna fog up all the cameras too Do you want to do your pirate song now? Do your pirate song. Just keep reading super chats. You're delaying Oh now I get to read the super chats while I'm coughing on your fucking fog machine bullshit

You're delaying because they're saying oink o oink, oink. Oh, this is terrible. It's like in my lungs now. Oh, yeah. I'm sure. What goes in your mouth is so pure. Vito, have you eaten beef and broccoli lately? No. Can you stop the fog?

Is it still happening? It's like curling up there. The fog is everywhere, Vito. Penis fog. On the John for two. You can't stop the fog no more than you can stop the ice. The brainy deep. On the John says, what is Keemstar's favorite gum?

Hubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba, bubba. I can make some of those Persian scallywags. My favorite part of the show. And pedophiles. Trunk and Atheist Studio for two. This is Star Wars Girls. Very likable on CultureScape. Very likable, but very normal.

Todd Bronson for two. Rolling Mud V eat trash veto oink oink veto oink veto my girlfriend did say veto looked slimmer she is crazy she's crazy clip sama for five josh either guy do you think you want some more fog over there i don't think i can take anymore that's a yes i'm so glad we have a fog machine the fog you think you need some more fog over there? I don't think I can take anymore. That's a yes. I'm so glad we have a fog machine. You think the fog machine would come with a remote like this? Why is the fog cold? That has this thing shut?

Yeah, I know. The AC is like shooting fog in this endless loop now. That's because the cold is unforgiving. The briny deep. We're in the old The Equators. Says Vito wants to be O'Brien because his Vito de-ages in that one episode. That's true. That does happen.

Are you ready to walk the plank? Clip Sama for two. I got banned on the World Cow Red for posting the DMs. Oh, my God. Trio Doug for five. Vito post the Barbenheimer short already. That's right. Trio Doug has been making shorts, and I've been fucking up.

Most racist man alive for five. Southland Tales was underrated. It had a young Mandy Moore. Talk about a Vito. The Barbenheimer's short already. That's right. Trio Doug has been making shorts, and I've been fucking up. Most racist man alive for five. Southland Tales was underrated. It had a young Mandy Moore. Talk about a veto. I do want to talk about it. LJ Clabrino for two. Who is veto killer? Super killer voting for this election?

Nobody. Ryan for five. Veto, no one is expecting you to make any content. Probably Ralph Nader or Jill Stein. You don't have to make any content at all. I make this wonderful show every year or every week. Ryan for two. Look at this fog. It's affecting

everyone. Get my Patreon to X and I'll do something, I guess. I need money to pay an editor. Shockmouths Mitch is here! You don't need any money to pay an editor. For five, guys, subscribe to Shockmouths. Thank you for not greenlanding yourselves. And Kagon Postal for five. Republicans don't like taxes. Y'all have been war hawks

forever before liberals took over. Remember freedom isn't free. How much does that cost? Very good point. I'm not a Republican. No, but I'm saying conservatives. Don't vote. That's my... Stop fucking voting. That would solve everything. You don't have to vote. Stop! Dusty, settle for five. 16% of the country.

I feel like I'm fucking crazy. 50% of the crimes. I feel like I'm the crazy one. Are black people really 90% of welfare? I don't think that's correct. Tesso for two. Black people are 90% of welfare? I don't think that's correct. Tesso for two. Black people are 90% of everything. Biggest problem in the universe is menstruation. Ryan for five. Three and a half hours of filler.

You're a small-R Republican. I'm a small-R Republican. I'm a small-R Republican. Ryan for five. Three and a half hours of filler. We finally get to the good bit. Vito's booty. On the genre five, should have got a green screen for Josh.

He could have been your first mate. He is my first mate. Okay, do you want to play your gay song? F me. That's what I call him. Do you have any more theatrics for this? How would you like a little bit more of fog? Why is it so cold in here now?

Because you're afraid of how fat you are. I think the AC is blowing out cold. Well, here we are everyone. Here we are. I have to turn the fucking air off. Hold on. It's getting chilly. Are you really cold? I'm more concerned about the

lung issue that we're creating. This is all just going into the... This is what? This is AIDS. It's not smoke though. this is a AIDS it's not smoke though What do you mean? It's not smoke. What are you like a health nut now look at yourself? You could smoke 20 cigars a day defending you I'm defending me saying there should be no health Issues with this horrible. I think the fact that we don't smoke cigars is probably This is completely can you see the show You have completely ruined the show with this fog machine.

What do you mean? It's a nice- Look at this. This looks fucking terrible. I promise you, everyone at home is laughing hysterically. You stopped the fucking music that I had. I didn't stop the music. You're just picking a shitty track.

Welcome, me hearties and mateys. It's only two minutes long. It's time to rape turtles. No one can see the show now. No one can see us before we come up and stick you in your penis with our swords uh welcome to veto's booty the segment that costs fifty dollars the show that's filmed under the cover of night filmed in the cover of night like assassin's creed i can't see you so i don't even know what's going on.

But you can see your own penis in there. Why is there more fog? Why is there fog? Turn the fucking fog machine off! I'm trying to, but I can't see which button it is! No one can see the show! It's a visual show, no one just wants fucking fog! No one can see fucking anything now!

I didn't mean to make the fog machine go like this! What's the point of the thing, the whole bit is I pulled something out of a treasure chest, no one can see fucking anything now. I didn't mean to make the fog machine go like The whole bit is I pulled something over treasure chest. No one can see it now. I thought it would be cool Well, it's not I thought I had to the illusion of a Because people are saying I what pirate movie did you watch where everything was covered in fog all the time Every single pirate in movie looks where you can't see people. All right, Johnny fucking death. I asked Keemstar. I said, Keemstar, how should I make it?

Once I'm done raping little kids, how should I make it look like I'm being a pirate? We got a great video set up, and you've covered everything in a blanket of fog for some dumb theater kid bullshit. It looks cool. It looks cool. Yeah, yeah. You get this from your UCB buddies after you got done playing a cop and a Hawaiian flamingo or whatever the fuck. Why don't you play a guy that stops eating broccoli from Grand Panda? Nailing it.

Alright. What do you got? What is this? Oh, well, this is the next bit that I'd like to call... WOOOOOOAAAHHHHH Stop this. Just do it. Just get it. Do it! Whoa No more fucks! Stop hitting that fucking button! Whoa

Oh my god You don't have to dance because no one can see you You don't need the costume You don't need any of this The whole fucking show is now just gray. Don't get on this, killer. I smash it to shit. This is retarded.

Beatles 14. Fuck you. Beatles 14. Don't sing. Don't help him. Don't encourage this. Beatles 14. I like it.

Well, Vito. Stop hitting- Give me that fucking remote! Get the fuck away from me! Stop with the fucking fog! We don't need more fog! I'm trying to turn it off, but you're fucking grabbing it! You're not turning it off!

You just keep adding more! I'm trying to turn it off, but you're fucking grabbing it! Give me the fucking remote to the fog! You have been trying to grab it the whole time! Because you keep adding more! I am trying to turn it off! You're ruining the fucking show with the fog machine! No one can fucking see anything!

This is retarded! Like everyone wants to see you! This is retarded! Like everyone wants to see you! Okay, alright, fine! Are you gonna get on the scale or not? Give me that remote and stop with the fog! No, no! Are you gonna get on the scale or not, Vito? Sure, I'll get on the scale. If it'll end this...

Does he get sorted if he doesn't get on the scale? He gets stabbed with a dagger of shame. He destroys the Mother's Milk pop figure that's in the box. It's not a Mother's Milk, Josh Denny. F me. It's not. Here, I'm going to play you some plank waddling music. Good, because I have an app where I can measure everything that's be quenching upon my scale

Go ahead go ahead Shit my sword fell over. All right, let's go get up there. Here we go. Oh Shit Vito says that the scale is broken. It's not let me maybe some fog Here we go Always going for a take two guess what it's the same fucking weight that it was the first time I'm going for a take two. Guess what? It's the same fucking weight that it was the first time. Like it is every time, retard. Move the fucking scale if you think it's wrong.

I can't see him anymore. It's me. Mr. Me. But get your eye out. Aye, but he's a ghost in the shadows. He's disappeared into fat air. Do you know what it was there? I saw a number. What are you, a best guess? I don't know.

What was I last week? Too fat. Too fat. And guess what? This week again, you are too fat. All right. Do you want what's in your box of prize? I mean, don't you have to tell everyone how fat I am now? Well, if you insist.

Hold on. You know what? I don't think we want more patrons. My scale at home has a different number on it. What's the scale at home? I don't know. Are you standing on a scale or are you standing on like a calculator? I have two scales and they're both giving me different numbers than this one.

Oh, it's because you have one foot on each scale. Yeah, I have one foot on each scale. Probably. It's half of that. And they'll give half the answer. What does your scale at home say? Good job? Because you didn't do a good job. I don't know. Maybe my scale's broken. Well, not maybe. I'll check it when I get home.

How are you going to check it? i get home what are you gonna how are you gonna check it you know it also like a bag of cement on it i don't know i gotta figure out why it's off what does it say at home it says less than this how much less just say what yours says well you say yours first no i don't want to well then i'll smash your toys smash my toy then it's not part of the bit You're not going to add a new rule How much does your scale at home say? It says exactly what that one says

It's exactly the same Well, you said it says less How much less? I lied, I was wrong How much less do you think it says? I don't know You don't know? It's not important

Like five pounds or one pound? It was several pounds Why is it so small? Look at the cameras, it looks like shit Yeah, I don't know why this looks like this. I can't possibly figure it out. You did this because you took so long to get on the scale. Yeah, this is my fault.

Well, I mean, pretty soon we'll sauna out the extra weight. You're a fucking fog button. What is this? The logger is grabbing. Why don't you show this sort of exercise? That's too much now. You're doing it too much. That's too much.

You're going to short circuit it. You're going to short circuit it. Well, I want to do it a little bit of now. You're doing it too much. That's too much. You're going to short circuit it. You're going to mess up the computer. It has an odd smell. It's probably chemical. Where did you get this from? Like China? No wonder this fog sucks. Oh no, this is all COVID smoke. Oh my god. It probably is COVID.

Oh yeah, I know you're so fucking concerned about COVID. I mean, I am double vexed, so I should be fine. Vito, tell us what kind of smoke this is. Is it a hickory or cherry wood? I didn't gain weight, though. You didn't gain much weight. Okay, how much did I gain? You gained a little bit. You're 290.

2 pounds. 2 9 2 9 2 9 You're 2 It's 294 I saw it on the thing This is retarded

Just say it 294.4 What was I last week? 294.6 292.5 So you've gained 2 pounds Eh, it might just be because I ate That's half a shit

Yeah, that's half a shit I take 5 pound shits I think I lost weight this week 292.5, so you've gained two pounds. It might just be because I ate before I came over here. Yeah, that's half the shit. I take five pound shits. I think I lost weight this week. Well, the scale disagrees. Here's your go. Here's your prize. I did eat before I came over.

Here's your amazing prize. That's going to suck. Okay, it's two pop. This is worse. It's two limited edition Funko Pop figures. What's this? It's got a special note from Damien Sanders. Who's a notorious pedophile.

Okay. And it's got limited. Wow. Look at that. It's a Deadpool and Wolverine. It's your comic. Can you believe it? It's your comic.

Don't laugh. Don't encourage this. It's your comic book. It's not my comic book. That's already in toys. It's not my comic. How does it feel to be gifted your own intellectual property back? There you this. It's your comic book. It's not my comic book. That's already in toys. It's not my comic. How does it feel to be gifted your own intellectual property back? Well, there you go.

Look, there they are. There's my characters. And you gained two pounds. I didn't gain two pounds. A pound for each character. I'm going to check my scale when I get home. You should throw it away because it's broken. Just every day gets a little bit better, huh?

Deadpool and Wolverine. Not for you. My comic book is stolen by Marvel. It should come on our show. There's no way in. Yeah. There's no fog machine. Is there a fog machine on your show?

But I think you actually like those things. No, I don't like them. Wolverine and Deadpool, I think you do like them. Well, I'd say this. These are nicer looking than most of the pop figures. You mean than the Mother's Milk because you're racist. Well, because the Mother's Milk looks really bad. It's just stupid looking.

Oh, is it Mother's Milk from the boys? Yes. They keep giving me Mother's Milk. I've gotten five of Mother's Milk. I've gotten four Mother's Milk. I don't think it's five. You got the same one twice. I think you should have to tell people that it's chocolate milk.

Why are they in little protector boxes? Because they're limited edition collector's items. Oh, how was your time in the briny deep, Vito? I hate the fog machine. Why? I hate the fog machine. I got to be honest. As a person who usually watches the show and isn't on the show, I'm dying.

It's hilarious. And if I were sitting at home, I would be laughing hysterically. This is so retarded. As I'm sure everyone is. This is so stupid. Fog. What is the... Oh.

All right. Goodbye, everyone. Josh, one more time. Plug your thing. Yeah, April 22nd, there will be extra fog machine. It's good fog. Yeah. It's safe 22nd, there will be extra fog machine. It's good fog. Yeah. It's safe. I don't know what good fog is. It's not like weird fog.

You can abscond with all the children your heart desires in this fog. It's not going to work. I put it on another layer. Here, I'll do it. Okay. Ricardo. Yeah, April 22nd. We'll all be there. Come see us at the end of South Bay. Go to twitter.com slash Josh Denny. The fog machine will be there. No.

He has no power over me in this realm. The fog machine will be. No fog machine. There will be no weigh-ins. There will be no pirates. You can weigh in for five bucks on me scale. Sure. And the fans can weigh in.

And then you can pretend that the scale is wrong for another five bucks. I think we're making progress. I think I worked out pretty well. We. We are making progress. Josh, have you ever seen a broken scale? It says your weight's slightly off. Listen, I think they're all broken.

They're all broken. Everyone I've ever stood on is broken. I've got to figure out what's wrong with my scale. Or your scale. You are what's wrong with the scale. You're too fat. I think I'm doing pretty good. Thanks to all our supporters.

And we'll have another great show with a stupid pirate and a fog machine and a pirate music and a green screen. Because that's all this stupid show is anymore. I think that the fog is better than the green screen. The fog is better than the green screen. The fog is probably better, yeah. Very cool. Pretty good. Very cool. All right, goodbye The fog is probably better, yeah. Very cool. Pretty good. Very cool.

All right, goodbye, everyone. Have fun, everybody. You guys are idiots. This show, huh?