The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 106

Episode Date: September 23, 2023

The UK Government, Culture War Criminals, Doing All the Work in a Group Project, Someone Else Shitting in Your Hotel Room, "The Bonus Hole"

And then we'll all just talk about our problems. Yeah, but if you guys come up with one during the show. I have one. Yeah, cool. Oh, I got one too. Yeah, something that happened or something that's going on. Yeah. Recent news.

Make sure we're, try to be funny. Thanks, Anne. A little bit. By default, I'm funny. It will be. You know I'm him as well. Complaining is funny. We will make fun of.

Is that a note to self? Steph is like a dick. Steph is like Drakks She's the most literal person MRA advocate? No, Drakks from Guardians of the Galaxy Racist against black women weirdly? That's a different person She's like the most literal

Wait, what? Are you not talking about the same Drakks I am? No, she's talking about Drakks from Guardians of the Galaxy Nobody knows who Dx is, you idiot. Nobody knows Nick Riccato's weird black co-host. Oh, no, Drex. Okay, you do know Drex. I got the mic right here. I know him, yeah.

I've been on a stream with him before. He's actually quite cool. Most people don't know of him. Where the fuck is the... Oh, yeah. What are you looking for? We don't need the pre-show, dude. We're already late.

Just go in there. You are always, always freaked out about the lateness. Because yeah, it's a show. It's got to be on time. No. Literally no. That is the worst thing I've ever heard in my fucking life. Fans wait.

I hate you guys. Anyway, I'll be looking at the chat to make sure our audio levels are good. They'll tell us. Am I allowed to take a picture? Have people seen the studio before? You can take a picture. You can take whatever you want. Check, check.

Just try to get one that does, because somebody took one that makes me look like I'm a hunchback. Oh, I'm going to do it. Lewis, get in here. Everybody smile. There we go. Okay. Do you still feel like you're low, Vito?

Did you hit go live? Yeah. It's like a fucking mario temple. He hasn't done it before, okay? Oh god, it's so intense. One time we did like 30 minutes of a show. That was a bad one. That was real bad. That was pretty embarrassing, I saw that too.

I was not happy. Oh fuck, I gotta fucking fly in here, god damn it. It'll be part of the show. Is that AC going? It's hot in here. My God, Vito. I feel good. He's all amped up. I'm terrified.

I'm all amped up. Hey, Dick. Can they hear us? Dick, I live in Atwater. I don't think so, no. Dick, now that I live in Atwater, you know that? So if Vito ever misses a day. You're in.

Yeah. I want you to use the air conditioner. What the fuck is that about? You might have some issues. You guys probably have more in common. You talk about being Mexican. Did you like the Blue Beetle? It was better than I thought, but not really.

As a Latinx, you didn't approve? You didn't like it as a Latino? Even the Vicks VapoRub part, you didn't like that part? That was funny. We do do shit like that. It's fun. I understood that. I don't get into movies just because there are Hispanics in there.

Yeah. That's to be good. You know what I mean? I'm the opposite. If the Italians are in a movie, I'm all excited. I'm like, finally. You love Italian X. Chris Pratt took away our representation.

Yeah, Chris Pratt could. I'm a Mario. After that Charles Martinet guy has been stealing it away from us for 10 years. Here's the problem, though. Vito Chris Park could. I'm Mario. After that Charles Martin, that guy's been stealing it away from us for 10 years. Here's the problem though, Vito. Mario is not officially Italian now. He's absolutely Italian. Well, I mean, there's no, it's not

written anywhere, but I do agree. Mario. It's a me. Mario. It's Italian. Spaghetti. The dude is Italian. Spaghetti. The dude. Linguine. It's Italian. If you see Kara in there, that is, sorry, she's good if you want to mod.

Oh, she's already a mod. She changed her email. She's been our mod for a while. Oh, she's changed her email. So she did tell me that. I think that's really cool. So just FYI. I had to get a new Gmail. I saw her take the voucher and I remember she messaged me to warn, so.

Yeah, I'll change my account so I can actually mod her. Oh, I'm going to guilt Vito to pay that parking ticket too. Where is the parking ticket? That's Andy's biggest problem in the universe, the parking ticket. I'm still debating what I'm going to do. Oh, I know I'm good. I have to go first and then you. I have time still. I'm going to do. Oh, I know. I'm good. I have to go first, and then you. I have time still.

Yeah, you got time. Based on what you guys say, I can change it. Oh, I got one. Why did Kara not put a... What do you call it? She doesn't have an avatar. Oh, how are we for swearing? No swearing at all, right? 100% swearing and 100% racism. Whatever you want.

No, no, no. Whatever you want. That's incorrect. That's not true. We'll leave the racism to Vito. Yeah, we were pitching a show, and Vito, for no reason, at the end of the pitch goes, Yeah, it's just me and a Jewish deli. And I went, that's not racist. I guess that's what it it's gonna be for this. Nice. Thanks for

talking to us. Nice lady. What's wrong with it being Jewish? That's not racist. I like Jewish delis. That's racist. Can you switch from the stream deck, your angles? No, I just do music on this. I don't really know how it works. Somebody sent it to me

and I just put music on it. Oh, you can have all your scenes be in there so you can switch from camera to camera. Yeah, you can switch it. It's just me, usually. Yeah, but you have three angles. You could go to close-up to you, close-up to Vito. Then I gotta, like, ride the knob over here? Yeah. Do it now, though. Do it now. That's how I switch my angles. I got 42

seconds. It's easy. It's epic, dude. Yeah, that's 30 seconds of video lessons. How do you do that during a fight? Like, during an argument with somebody, you switch and... I mean, that's what I'm always on it. It's epic, dude. You gotta hear that's 30 seconds of video lessons. How do you do that during a fight? Like during an argument with somebody? You're switching. I mean, that's what I, I'm always on it. It's second nature. It's second nature.

You get used to it. What the fuck? Yeah. I can show you how to do it. Can you teach me like a montage? Like, like ghost? Why is there a fly? I'll do it on air.

It's just flies gonna drive me fucking crazy, man. Do it on air. I just feel bad because they're gonna want to see you, not us. And then you came in close to it. No, they got big TVs.

Okay. Yeah. Everybody's watching my big old TV. Yeah. It's about the audio. Has Vito put that bra on yet? No. That's my training bra.

That's my training bra. That's your goal bra. Why is there a dead lady behind me? That's what I'm trying to figure out. What is she doing? She's weird creepy. Nice tits. The tits are amazing. Amazing tits. The rest of it's wrecked, bro. That's what I'm trying to figure out. What is she doing? The tits are amazing.

Amazing tits. The rest of it's wrecked, bro. That's my dream girl. Amazing tits. Everything else looks like a fucking train wreck. She's cross-eyed, too. Well, we have hit zero. Feel free to keep bantering. Is that fucking...

Sorry, everyone. Vito wanted us to be right at fucking Right at fucking 8 But all of us doing fun activities Delayed the show So sorry If you were waiting at the fucking loading screen So fucking sorry to make you wait Some people are waiting for the show

And it's good when we go live at the specified time What was your line? It's important for a show to be on time? It's important for a show to be on time. It's important for a show to be on time. All legendary bands, Metallica, the Beatles, Louis CK.

You don't want to disappoint the audience. Although to be fair, it's quite fitting, you know, that this happens when Andy's here. Cause you know, on Popcorn Planet, there's always Andy time.

It's a thing. So it's quite fitting. It's quite fitting. It's quite fitting. How are you guys doing? We're great, man. Do you do everything as a trio? No. This is Popcorn Planet.

Yeah, Popcorn Planet's here. We're here on a trip to LA. Hey, hold on one second. We have Echo of some sort. What do you mean? What do you mean we got Echo of some sort? I don't know. Echo for her.

Let's see if we're... What do you mean we got Echo of some sort? I. Echo for her. Let's see if we're. Oh, I know. What do you mean we got echo? I don't know. It's probably just her very strange accent. Let's see if we're. Oh, now I hear it. What do you mean we got echo?

Are you playing? That's the start of the playing. Now it's repeating. Okay, they're saying Steph's mic has echo and everyone else is fine. Maybe because it's leaking into your mic. Steph, can you say a couple things into the microphone? You all fucking bastards. Yeah.

Fucking bastards. Wow. She does have a little bit of an echo there. The fuck is that? Yeah, what is that? You have like a reverb on her. I mean, it sounds kind of cool. Maybe she just talks like that normally.

Can we read pages of Isom while we wait? No. My copy, you know what? I did, I do have copies now of Isom 1 and 2 at home. Kavito, can you put the bra on behind you? I don't want to put on the bra, Andy. Why don't you put on the bra? Okay. We get enough super chats? Or cash at me?

Man, and I was... Do you want to just try a different microphone? You know what I want? While I look at this, I want everyone to shout possible solutions at me as quickly as possible. I think he's being sarcastic. No, I think he's dead serious.

Yeah. Well, I'll say I'm very excited to have our guests here. Andy Signore, Steph the Alter Nerd, and Louis Lekka. What up?

Also known as the cast of the Popcorned Planet YouTube channel. What up? Also known as the cast of the Popcorn Planet YouTube channel. Right. There we go. Not to say that you guys don't also have your own side things as well, but I think a lot of people know you from there. Yeah. Wow.

And we knew Andy back when he was just a moron with nothing. And now he's a moron. He's a rapist. Well, I didn't want to say it, but you were thinking it. You were thinking it. I'll never forget. What was another favorite of the show? Asterios? Yeah. Poconos, who just went

off on me. Really? Jones. They tried to sandbag me in an interview. Like they caught you off guard and they were like telling you you're a bad guy. I'm going to get him cause he's a rapey Shit face Why aren't you talking Andy? Why aren't you talking?

Cause I'm in a lawsuit I told you guys before I can't talk about it Yeah you can't talk about it Did you tell him before the show? Yeah absolutely He was just trying to get you A gotcha moment That's not good You must be happy then that Maddox

Is really taking his stereos to the cleaners right now. I don't watch any of those. You haven't seen that drama? I heard about it. I heard about it. Maddox made a hour long hit piece on Justin Wang for some fucking reason. I like Justin. I don't know why.

I was talking about a stereos, a guy who like literally no one has ever heard of. See if it's still an echo. Except for nerds and weirdos. Sounds good. Nope. Echoed. All right. Everybody say something. Who like check really no one has I'd see if it is still an echo for nerds and weirdos sounds good nope Echoed all right everybody say something test 1 1 2 test 1 1 2 I hope everyone for nerds and the chat says the echo is gone I got all the rape out of the way while I was concentrating. That's my favorite topic.

What the fuck? I'm sure it'll come back up. It's because there wasn't enough bunnies in chat. That's why that happened. We also talked about Maddox without you. That's fine. Honestly, I could go the rest of my life without talking about that fucking shithead. Jesus Christ.

No, you love it. You're like me. I'm curious, though. Do you really? Play Freebird. Do you enjoy a little bit? What's that? It's like're like me. I'm curious. Play Freebird! Man, I got new stuff. What's that? It's like people asking me about screen junkies. I'm like, I'm just so over it at this point.

Is there a secret party where you do enjoy still really railing on him? You know what? I'll tell you what I really like. The longer he goes without saying something or doing something stupid, I feel pity and like I start to feel bad for everything I did but then he comes out with something totally insane and

lies about Justin Wang and again tries to make Asterios look like a rapist and I think, I you fucking deserved it you fucking prick. I would do it again. I didn't go hard enough you got up, you, you got up. Stay down.

We're going again. I don't know if Stephanie did that. Most are aware of the deep lore, but Dick's former podcast co-host was insane. He's not trans. He was the first transgender internet satirist. Andy, make sure your mic's pointing right at your mouth. Sorry. I'll get it right in my mouth. Yes

And he goes away for well, no, he was a banana. He was live-streaming as a banana. Yeah, and that was good It's a long story. Look up the lol suit And anyone away and he said he pointed the third part of the Odyssey, you know that trilogy the out of the Iliad This is the third part. And then Homer comes back. Yeah. And now he's back. The third part of the trilogy. Who's hairier?

Hal Rudnick or Eric Geli? That is a good question, Red. Who is hairier? Hal Rudnick or Eric Geli? Pound for pound? Because Hal's a small guy. Hal's smaller, but way more hair, right? Yeah.

I would think so. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Have you heard from him ever no ever since he tried to Fredo me I know the real dick and how Rudnick pitched you for that Beauty and the Beast roast which if you haven't watched it Yeah, Nick was fucking hilarious in it. That was great. And then, yeah, he just, he warned me of you. He was like, careful.

Dick is trouble, but he's very funny. I thought knowing like with a little bit, I knew I'm like, oh, he's perfect for Gaston. Yeah. Cause even if you hate him, like that's Gaston. Yeah, Gaston's a great guy. What a perfect way to say something. So I loved what you did there and I'm glad we got to do it, but yeah, he was a very he's such a pussy how Rodnick Oh

Yeah, you got filed. It's the everybody got fucked over in the same room They're gonna send in a hit squad to get rid of us finally and now all of your enemies have become my enemies for some reason Honestly both of you motherfuckers, I swear to God. Oh, innocent Vito never does anything. Never does anything. Cries for a year. Eric finally gives, Eric July finally gives you some attention and you spend three weeks throwing up in the bathroom.

You're so terrified. He's not a psychopath millionaire. Said he was going to sue me into the ground. I don't like that. Have you already acknowledged that? Yeah, Vito was like, what do I do? Yeah. I don't want to get sued. Vito calls me and he's like, oh, I just talked

to Andy. Should we get business insurance in case I get sued? And I said, no, that man is unhinged and crazy and I'm just sitting here with no money and two cats. You think they're going to give him your cats? your cat no, do you care I have things to lose Coming in come on all your toys

Fucking show cut What the fuck did you expect I Am I allowed to say this? God, I, you know, what the fuck did you expect? I expected that he, a guy who critiques people, and all he does is poke bears. That's his whole thing. He goes, Marvel has a new gay character,

and bang, bang, bang, bang. And I'm like, well, your comic sucks. I'm going to sue you for torturing their fears. We said more than that. Yeah, well, we said a lot of things. And then it got a little racist, and we dialed it back. You should be sued just for introducing me to it. Honestly. It's totally your fault.

This is all Tony from Hack the Movies' fault. Tony from Hack the Movies brought up Eric July in a super chat, and it created nothing but chaos and has destroyed my life. So then Vito goes, should we get business insurance in case we get sued? And I said, yeah, okay, go get it. And he goes, well, I don't, how do I do that? I don't know! I don't know anything about business!

I've never heard of that! I'm mentally handicapped, okay? All I do, I don't know. Do you believe this guy? You a dick. Start the show. Monetize the motherfucking marauds! That's what you're supposed to do! I'm trying my best. I'm doing what the show. Monetize the motherfucking morons. That's what you're supposed to do. I'm trying my best.

I'm doing what I can. But not too much. You gotta be careful. You don't want to monetize the wrong... I don't want to get sued. I don't want to do anything. That's the biggest point. That's America.

You gotta get sued, man. Grant. You gotta get sued. You gotta get mugshot. Since apparently you didn't get one in your... Whatever you did. Whatever I farmed. The woman you beat I'm so glad there's no mugshot for my hideous woman

Why? You would have looked great, you were skinny No, I wasn't skinny at that point, I wish According to the cops I was, but I think they got all that information wrong Five, six I did not hit any women for the record That's disappointing Wait, what's this? There's, somebody found my old arrest record And they tried to say it was like a domestic battery I haven't hit any women for the record. That's disappointing. Wait, what's this?

Somebody found my old arrest record, and they tried to say it was like a domestic battery. And I'm like, no, that was from the time that I was driving down the wrong street, like a street that was closed off because they were doing an investigation. He's panicking. The story doesn't add up already. Shut the fuck up. Look, I turned down a street that was like closed off. Like they had cop cars closing it off. And I'm like, oh, shit. Down a street that was like closed off like they had cop cars closing it off and I'm like oh shit And then a cop said I tried to hit him with my car

Because I drove down the wrong street and I got arrested for uh assault with a deadly weapon The weapon being my vehicle. Is this why you defend pedos? No, that's not why I did and I don't oh my gosh Oh, man Every time we bring in guests it it turns into the Vito Moron Hour. All right. Everyone has like axes to grind with you, I guess. Everyone has some axe to grind. Would you call yourself a cop killer if you had to?

I'm not a cop killer. I'm an alleged cop killer. I'm an attempted cop killer according to the LAPD. Wow. I'm an attempted cop killer According to the LAPD Wow Yeah Which recorded my height

As five foot six And weighing 230 pounds And Kiwi Farms Uncovered that They were gonna They null said That's it Get me

Screenshots of Vito Man And Kiwi Farms Was gonna end you And then they found Your arrest record For trying to murder A police officer Which is the coolest crime

There is Yeah Of the worst cops In the fucking world, too. Alright, are we ready to start the show? Let's start the show. It's gonna be a great show. Disco, disco. Here are the biggest problem in the universe. Problem in the universe. Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe.

The only show that ranks every problem in the universe. I forgot to pick up a rhyme. Something about psychology. Usually I rhyme the problems from last week. Somebody brings them in on the show, but I fucked it up. Good work. Yeah, I'm your host, Nick Matcheson. Joining me is Vito Gisualdi,, as always And very special in studio, guys

So special, we had to Double up the cameras In one of these We have the trio The hot trio that makes up Popcorn plant, is it popcorn or popcorn-ed? Popcorn was taken, so I took popcorn Popcorn-ed

Even though it doesn't make sense Wait, you don't know? You don't know? The planet has been popcorned. The E.D.s have been part. The E.D.s have been part. Maybe on your show. The E.D.s great. Always swallow. Make sure I always swallow

because that's the polite thing to do. Someone clip that, please. Steph, Andy, Signore, Lewis, how are you? How are you guys? Amazing, man. I love this place, man. It's like a little man cave. It's amazing.

I love it. I love what you did here. Yeah, thanks for having us all. Steph, do you have a better compliment than little man cave? I don't, I didn't really like that one.

Do you have perhaps a better compliment? It's a woman man cave. I like the tits all the way around. It's a lot of tits. Very, very impressive. It's not any better.

And very realistic as well. Like, I mean, even this, like, is very tittish. It's very nice. I like that, yeah. They're making me really jealous because they're bigger tits than mine. You know what I mean? Well, you're in America. Let me get a good look.

If you ever want to change things up, here's the place to do it. Los Angeles will hook you up. Are these your traveling pearls? How dressed up are you? Did you take the British Airways to get over here? What's the deal here? Well, I flew Virgin Atlantic. Okay.

And yeah, this is just like how I dress when I'm out and about. All right. I like to make an effort. So you were coming in from... Don't you appreciate me making the effort here? Come on! Yes, I do. And then your man cave full of tits.

You know? There you go! There you go. Bunch of schlubs and t-shirts and one debutante ready for the ball. Andy, you brought some portos over and I understand Vito owes you a parking ticket He's like, you bring me food

I went back in, I paid the meter And then the fucking meter maid was like What, five minutes late? Yeah, man $90 Who wants to cash out me? Andy's ignored $90 since I paid Vito He won't pay for it

It's actually $98 When you call someone and say, hey, can I get you food? It doesn't come with, and by the way, if I get a parking ticket, you're responsible for it? I don't think that's part of the social contract. Andy's a big celebrity, so you should come here to be on your show. Yeah, you should be making him happy. Like a per diem

or something. We'll get you a nice gift bag. Not Will. We'll get you a nice Biggest Problem gift bag to take home. What did you charge me for the Philly show? I forget. We never went through the receipt. I paid it.

You did pay it. I don't remember the amount. Well, I can look up the invoice. I do. $750. So I think he's good for $90. There it is. Thanks, Vito. I try to do a good for $90 There it is, thanks Vito

I try to do a good deed, bring some portos And fucking Burbank police Glendale People loved having me at the Philly show Are you frantically Looking for the I have the invoice It was $622

I was way off, okay And that, in $400 That was the flight, so come on And then $20022 I was way off Okay And that In $400 That was the flight So come on And then $200 I think was the No $120 Was the Uber

Okay You were worth it And then the Dunkin Donuts Was $4.11 Because Okay Would you like to get to the Sure

Problems from last And the yogurt Was $1.29 Let's go Plea deals Number one Winner Plea deals What number one. Winner. Plea deals.

What do you guys think about plea deals? You for them or against them? Who are they for? Well, for criminals. When criminals are caught, instead of going to a jury trial, they can opt to accept a plea deal. Depends what the deal is. Yeah.

I need a lot more information. On the crime. Which criminal obvious what deal would have to be you're like well i mean it depends you're winning it against 12 morons right like man i don't i don't think these morons are gonna know that i'm innocent right yeah but it depends on the the seriousness of the crime uh how obviously guilty the person is, and what the deal is ultimately, then, you know, that's the way I'd roll. What about those two kids that hit that cop? They should get a plea deal of what?

Nah, those guys, that's LA. Did you really? Two subtle young men Are gonna be killed And Vito flies into the rescue You can't kill these Tight young boys

You can't hurt these children I won't allow it Should we read some of those? Your masterpieces that you've had Do you want to read the rest of the problems first? Yeah, shitty shippers People people who can't ship. Shitty shippers were surprisingly popular. It was.

Sorry, what's that? It's when they don't put enough bubble wrap and packing stuff inside your package, and it gets all destroyed inside it. Oh, that annoys me like shit. There you go. See, that was a better problem. That's way worse than please me. It was.

I should have won. Exactly. Thank you. If I'm paying a lot of money for something to be shipped to me, the least they can do is make sure it comes in one fucking piece. Thank you. Do that to Funko Pops. I'm sorry, but I'm not ordering from freaking Ikea.

That's for sure. All right? Don't fuck the whole thing up. Do you know what I mean? Like, I'm not expecting some kind of bloody adventure Ikea kind of situation when I'm ordering. I don't know. Exactly. How much furniture are you ordering?

Don't you love her accent? Yeah, I do. You should super chat over it. It's growing on me. Let's fun things for Steph to say in her Yorkshire accent. Wait, I'm confused. She has an accent? No, she does not.

Get Ben. Phone format pace is one. I don't even remember what that was, reading it. Phone format what? And then Bible truthers. That was a real Reddit problem. What does that mean? It's when people really believe in the Bible and think that it's an actual truthful document,

history document. Yeah, I feel sorry for those people. Thank you. I have a lot of people going, oh, what is this, like a Reddit atheist board podcast? Well, because you were reading it, and I was like, all right, I've heard this shit. Yeah, but I hadn't heard all that stuff.

I didn't know about the golden hemorrhoids. That was good. That was good. What the hell? I had a Jehovah's Witness come to the door the other day, and I let him stay there for like 15 minutes,

and I started asking him like, do you have aliens in yours? Like I was getting him to explain like the Jehovah part. He even introduced Xeno into the podcast. And I'm like, do you have Xeno yours? Like, I was getting him to explain, like, the Jehovah part. He even introduced Zeno into it. And I'm like, do you have a Zeno? Because I want my religion to have some aliens and, like, volcanoes and stuff. He totally was like, well, yeah.

You go to the website and learn. It was so, I got to release that. That's crazy. Sorry. That should have been higher. Yeah. Well, one thing I will say about Jehovah Witnesses, though, we, you know, where I live, they're not that hot.

But when Burbank, oh, my God. The Jehovah Witnesses are hot. Where I live, they knock on the door. I'm like, yeah. And then when I lived in Burbank, they knock on the door. I'm like, who's this chick? Do they mostly send ladies or is it a lady and a guy? It varies.

But when there's a lady, yeah, I don't know. There's something. How are the guys looking? All creepy. I don't know, there's something. How are the guys looking? All creepy and fucked up? I don't know. I don't look at guys. Come on, let's talk about the ladies. Let's talk about the fucking guys.

I'm a gay. Let's talk about guys. Would you change your religion if they were hotter? Would you listen more intently? Whatever you got, I believe it. I didn't even care what they were saying. Yeah. Uh, I don't mean any of that shit either.

It was like. The Hollywood Scientology Center had some smoking hot girls. Every time I walked by I was like, oh man, I'm gonna get Yeah, dude. Makes a difference You don't want to date a Scientologist lady They can't drive either

Vito, tell me you're a virgin without telling me you're a virgin. All girls are nuts What's the name of the one from Handmaid's Tale Elizabeth Moss Yeah Elizabeth Moss she's nuts She was married to Frank Armisen So you wouldn't hook up with her Chloe Fineman's a Scientologist

Chloe Fineman she's like the new one All I know is like She was married to Fred Armisen Somebody asked him like how was that marriage He's like well she's a Scientologist so It was fucking nuts Scientologist dating? Has someone done Scientologist yet?

No I don't think so When I was looking for houses Before I got this one We looked at a house that had a basement Very much like this one And we went in there But it was suddenly like creepier than the rest of the house Like sterile

Like a hospital or a mental asylum and there was the entire encyclopedia of L. Ron Hubbard books it was like their auditing station that people would come in and just get audited it's like nope they were moving out too many Thetans no the house would have less Thetans not enough Thetans one or the other What's weird about the Scientologist, man Every time I go to Hollywood Boulevard They have that prime real estate On Hollywood Boulevard

That's like The prime real estate You've seen that building That Scientology building It's like, how do they afford that, man? That's so expensive I think the rape is worse, Louis Then the

Rape is worse than that That real estate prices? I don't know about that I'm kind of with Dick on that one I think it's a Real estatepe's worse than that real estate prices? I don't know about that. I'm kind of with Dick on that one. I think it's just real estate is way worse than rape right now. You can stick it up my ass four times a year. I don't fucking care. I'm not paying five grand. Yeah.

How do they afford that, man? There's so much money. Well, they extract the wealth from all their members like slaves. When you run a religious cult, there's a lot of ways to extract money from psychos. Top Gun Maverick made a billion dollars. Building of Scientology on Hollywood Boulevard brought to you by Top Gun Maverick. Yeah, pretty much.

Now playing on Paramount+. This is American Parker. He says, I own a rap shop in Sacramento and I have done a ton of those hentai raps. Vito wanted to get his car wrapped like a hentai. A vinyl wrap. Yeah. I did not say like a hentai one. That's not what I said. Somebody wanted his car to be

wrapped like a hentai. Who cares? You're so aggressive on anything. I won't because I don't want naked anime women on my car. I did not say hentai rap. Well, because that's a whole different thing. I don't want to try that around town. You just tanked the showdown to defend that one? Quick question. I just want... Yeah, Steph, yeah.

What's hentai? Oh, my God. Shut up. Get the fuck. What do you mean? You don't know what hentai is? I told you she was Drax. It's the...

You see that mouse pad you were looking at before? Yeah. That's hentai. Oh, okay. I was thinking of... People actually get off on that? I'm so tired. No, of course not.

It's all on this pad. Like, squeegee and squid porn and stuff. I mean, not that one specifically, but I'm sure a guy who owns that one does. What do you mean do people get off on drawings of women with enormous tits and no personality? Yeah, that's a lot of personality. I want to see Dick interview Steph. His mind will blow multiple times. Do you know about furries?

They know about furries like furry animals right yeah Dogs and stuff yeah, yeah, yeah Cuban they dress up is very innocent Yeah, I'm willing to learn yeah, yeah, yeah like afraid or like I just think it's like really funny Do you know who Chris Chan is? What? Do you know who Chris Chan is?

He's a gentleman. Or, well, excuse me, a woman. Oh, I was going to say it sounds Chinese. No, Chris Chan. Chris Chan. His last name is Chan.

I mean, come on. She's got the racist part down, so... I am glad that we have someone on the show who's virginal to all this horrible internet garbage that we surround ourselves with the show who's virginal to all this horrible garbage that we surround ourselves with you're too pure for this world steph don't listen

okay who the hell is chris chan and he's a guy who uh set a sex change he's obsessed with sonic he's he's obsessed with his own creation of a amalgam of sonic the hedgehog and pikachu he drew a comic he's very autistic and he ended up raping his dementia-ridden mother a couple months ago. He just got out of prison. That's about the whole... He got off! I mean, he got off in multiple ways,

but he ended up going to prison for it. And Mel knew. And Mel knew the whole time and allowed it to happen. How did he get away with that? He's like a mentally ill person who maybe had sex with his own mother. Did he just plead insanity and get away with it that way?

I don't even think he had to. I think they went, oh, he's mentally on the target. I don't think he could plead insanity. He's so crazy. Real quick, I do have to say a fan sent me a picture and he said so I was playing Magic the Gathering at the local card store and look who my opponent was and it was just Christian sitting down to play Magic cards. Why didn't he get a shout out?

Because I don't think he wanted to, you know, I'll ask if we can show the pictures. How the fuck would that weirdo play Magic? I don't know, dude. I know that Magic the Gathering, yeah? Yeah, Magic the Gathering. Okay, okay, okay. I get it now. I get it now.

I get it now. So Chris Chan is out and playing his favorite card, her favorite card game. What color did you play? That's the most important fucking part. Oh, look. I'll check the picture again. Come on. What is he, a green player?

Is he a blue dominant player? What is he? Is he a red fucking, shit, goblins up your ass guy? I would imagine, based on what I know, I would think Chris would go big green. So you're changing the pronouns a lot. Is it he, she, us? It's a former male. I mean, are you serious?

I got the vibe you didn't care. He's a fucking monster. She's a fucking monster. That will do. That will do. Yes. Okay. Anyway, as this guy was saying, I've done a bunch of hentai raps, and I thought they

would be fun to do at first, but so far the customer base has been an autistic nightmare yeah I would imagine who wants to drive around with a naked anime lady on some of the stuff they put on I do honestly man I really do it's legal to put that stuff on your car and drive around with it sorry I would think so something it's animated maybe not depends what depends where you're driving it I guess John says, too bad you didn't have Nick on to debate Bible truthers It's too bad Does Nick honestly believe the Bible happened? Uh, no

Okay, then he probably would have been on my side Ninja Pro says, Vito just put a new perspective in my head Kyle from PKA is literally a broken man He was on top of the world with his guns And he had all that taken away in an instant Now he's just left playing games Yeah, how'd you not figure that out? It's like a very tragic story

I just never thought about it The guy, I don't know if you guys know this guy Kyle from PKA What was his YouTube name? FPS Russia FPS Russia and then the government You remember that guy? I'm real professional Russian Yeah

I used to work at Break.com I know all about him, yes Yeah, and he was getting millions of views, making tons of money, and the FBI came and said you have illegal guns, and now you're never allowed to own a gun again, which was your entire reason for existing. Yeah. So now he does a podcast and talks about what TV shows he watched every week

because that's the only thing he has left to talk about. He just juices testosterone. He juices testosterone. It's sad, but at least it's working out. Here we go. The yoke of faith. I wonder what This way

This is gonna go The area of historical Sodom and Gomorrah Is a field of gypsum And sulfur Almost like it was Raised to the ground By fire and brimstone

Oh okay So it actually happened What do you think about that? God hates gay people so much That he turned them into salt Well somebody's gotta hate them Great No Nobody does have to hate him.

No, nobody does have to hate them. That's not... Inseparable, the band says, I love listening to atheists aggressively misunderstand a book they don't believe in. I think that's directed at you. I think I completely understand the book, and that's the problem. And the Young Rangers says, Indiana Jones and the Golden

Hemorrhoids. There you go. That would have been a better movie. Did you know the Ark of the Covenant gave a bunch of people hemorrhoids For touching it And then to get rid of the hemorrhoids They had to make golden hemorrhoid statues And offer them up to God Of their own hemorrhoids Do you go big or small

If you're telling people about your You gotta go big right When the Nazis were getting their faces melted They were also being given horrible hemorrhoids at the same moment. That's good. That's my Indiana Jones deep lore. Okay. Do we have any? Do we have time for Vita's Twitter?

I don't know. Do a quick one. No, no, no. We can save it for next week. I think my problem is... I don't know how to phrase it. Do a drumroll. Oh, yeah, okay. I'm gonna call it... I hate. Do a drum roll. Oh, yeah. Okay. I'm going to call it I hate waiting for drum rolls, though,

because you never time it right. Okay. It kind of like breaks up the segments. Culture war criminals. Culture war criminals. I don't know. I just feel like

Russell Brand is guilty. You think? Like, obviously. And I'm watching, like, I'm watching, like, lemmings, like, people on the right just diving into this pool.

Like, some guy told me today it doesn't matter if he fucked a 16-year-old girl because it's legal over there. And I said, I don't think that's really the point. I don't know if it being legal is the problem, bud. Yeah.

Might be the idea of an older, power-having celebrity. Yeah. Why are we seeking out a 16-year-old specifically? I'd have a rough time bringing a 16-year-old to my parents' Thanksgiving dinner. That's kind of the point. That would be very awkward.

Everybody would judge you pretty quickly. I haven't heard him say, no, I didn't dinner that's kind of the point that would be very awkward everybody would judge you pretty quickly I haven't heard him say no I didn't so I kind of think well I don't know man it seems like maybe it's a yes but I see all these guys just compulsively defend everything these guys do because they're saying things

that they like like they're saying we hate COVID and you know a certain group of people are running every, you know. Sure. If you ever get accused of rape, I don't know if Russell Brand

said that. Get a Rumble deal because that's the best PR you can ever buy. Oh, my God. OJ Simpson, he should have got a Rumble deal right after he killed his wife.

He just said, hey, Rumble, I know you're not going to be around for a while. I got an exclusive live deal with you. You don't have to. 500 bucks. That's it. And I made it. I did that book. If I did it. Do you remember that?

OJ Simpson, by the way, innocent. So if I'm just sitting here over, I'm sitting over here going, wow, I bet that guy killed his wife. And everybody's going, well, you have to wait. It's innocent until proven guilty. Not for me, though, because I think he's raped those girls. I'm like, I'm not sending him to prison, right? I don't have to go, well, geez, I guess I'll just wait till all the facts come in. I'm never going to know all the facts.

Well, that's a big part of the problem is that people seem to think innocent until proven guilty means you're not allowed to form an opinion of an individual unless they've been convicted of a crime. I'm like, I can just think you're an asshole based on nothing. It doesn't matter at all. I didn't get raped by Russell Brand. You could play Russell

Brand, though. It's really has... I was with Ethan Ralph. And a lot of boobs in your studio, so it's perfect. It's really hurt me. Him being accused of these things has actually hurt me because now people in their minds see me as looking like him

and they're like, well, now you're a creep too. And then Danny Masterson, not really. Not as good as she can. That piss off. I do not Not really Not as good as she can That's rad I do not sound like an English posh twat Okay Well that's why it's a bad impression

Oh true actually What was I going to say? I'm northern and I'm proud There you go Oh that's a northern accent? Oh yeah it's a Yorkshire accent I just really want I want like right now

For the media to go out And find like a far left guy and do the exact same thing. Find like, if it was like Stephen Colbert also had sex with a 16 year old. And they say, hey, did you have sex with a 16 year old? He goes, hey, look, the Matrix is after me. Yeah. I have 17 New York. I have sex with a 17 year old. Yeah, they could do that.

I want to see if all these guys go Well you know We just gotta wait on it No They would be like I knew that guy And I always knew And the second he said Vaccines were good

I knew he was a bad guy Like dude Yeah it's like Complete hypocrisy Yeah Yeah but this This Russell Brand thing Isn't it

Is it new or is it old They always knew It's very old I know a personal friend of mine Was assaulted by russell brand she told not raped she told me at right after it happened and it was like yeah he does it all the fucking time there's pictures of it why are people worried about it now well you know so this is like the worst part like uh why are they calling it out now because because he's

not he's changed his political point of view but he changed his political point of view yes yes but i think underlying that is um the possibility that rape is so common it takes needing to call someone out for covid shit to actually get anything done about it which makes me think well now you're fucking things up for everybody if that's the if that's honestly the reality is that it's just so... Everyone has raped? Yeah. Except me, by the way. Yeah, yeah, me either, of course. But if it's so common that it takes

Andy, that was your chance to go, also not me. I'm listening to him. Okay. Yes, I established that veto, but thank you. He has his hand up, so It looks bad. Go ahead. Yeah, I don't like seeing people I don't like seeing people I don't like seeing people

Throw themselves In a In a defense of a guy Who seems like a really Huge He's always been a huge piece of shit And he continues to be one I don't

Defending him I'm sorry Defending him in terms of his innocence Like well you know We gotta wait He's innocent until proven guilty. No, the defense is it doesn't matter if he did all that stuff. We like him for his political takes, and that stuff's irrelevant.

It's not innocent until proven guilty, and then we'll also do stuff to him because you're going to lose that at one every time. And it's not what you guys think. What you think is we don't care if he's guilty or not. We just like what he says. You want them to say that yeah okay yeah they're not gonna say that though they need to believe that would make them bad people yeah well they're all first of all from what i know of russell brand i'm watching all these guys come out and they're like this is 100% man you look at those fake texts this is manufactured by the deep state or whatever.

And I'm like, you guys are going to look real stupid in about six months, I swear to God, because I've heard more fucking stories about this guy. But I don't understand why they can't just go, well, it looks bad. I do think it's politically motivated. And if that's true, you know, is Russell Brand truly the greatest criminal? Or, you know, why don't truly the greatest criminal or you know why don't they go after these other guys that would all be reasonable but instead they've immediately jumped to this well the media always lies about everything and i'm fine it's legal this this this

is a thing from the british english perspective yeah so um which you created this monster. It's all your fault. Get fucked. Well, that's what Russell Brand wants to do. Twat. I'll go worse if I need to. Fair enough. There we go. So Russell Brand, he also used to work at the BBC, right? The BBC has a really, really bad reputation of having this kind of culture

with their top stars uh where they've to want for a better word misbehaved in this way so egregiously and so monstrously uh but they've still allowed them to you know keep the jobs will put everything under carpet uh the biggest example that you can think of of them doing it, that's the most prolific, is Jimmy Savile. I thought you were going to say Jeremy Clarkson. Savile's worse. No, Savile's worse. Clarkson is not one of them.

Clarkson's not one of them anyway, you did. You punched that guy. That's different from raping a, well, I don't want to say, a man that he punched. Yeah, so. Didn't they just sack anotherc presenter like a couple months ago who was doing something no you're talking about hugh edwards that actually turned out to be innocent oh really yeah interesting yeah um but yeah the bbc seems to have this kind of really really big institutional problem uh with with stars like this. From back in the day,

they seem to be better right now, but yeah. Well, yeah, because the Jimmy Seville thing, I think, really destroyed a lot of their, you know, goodwill with the public or whatever. Absolutely. It's like, hey, remember that guy who hosted, like, half our shows? Like, yeah, that guy's fun. Captain Kangaroo, like, ended up raping all those kids.

What if Bozo the Clown was just out there? Mr. Rogers was probably fawning on us. Like, kids. That would be... What if Bozo the Clown was just out there? Mr. Rogers was probably funny, honestly. Captain Kangaroo would be horrible. Captain Kangaroo would be horrible. Mr. Rogers, funny or bad, would it be funny or not funny? Not funny at all! Oh my God!

That would be the worst thing that ever happened. I think it would be a little bit. One's in the chat if it would be funny. Captain Kangaroo was the funnier name, though, so props for that. Yeah. Mr. Rogers. He'd probably have all kinds of sex puns.

I would be destroyed if anything bad came out about Mr. Rogers. Yeah. Especially after. King Friday or Captain Kangaroo? I guess both of them had them. Especially after Mr. Rogers saved that whole platoon in Nam. He's a great, great hero. Is that true?

No. Anyway. That's my problem Culture wars Scout Sniper He had a necklace of ears He wore it on one episode Of the show No

Well children Sometimes You gotta fight For what's right Elmo Did it too Elmo was a rapist Kevin Clash

That's true Yeah Fucked up shit too He was a rapist Elmo The puppeteer He was accused of Oh yeah He was a rapist, Elmo? I don't know if it was rap. He was accused of. Oh, yeah.

He was accused of some bad, bad stuff. Now we got no more Elmo. Some new Elmo. I mean, yeah, some other hand up his ass. We got a new Rick now too. Rick Sanchez. That's fucking weird. Are you excited about the new Rick voice?

I'm not. No. It's also going to be a new Marty voice. He did both. They're going to do a sound alike though. Yeah. I might know the guy who's doing it. I don't know. I got a casting call for that It's like I know has called you do the voice. Yeah, it's like I can't do this

Not only can I not do this place. No Why I got it feel free to send these casting calls on to me. I would have done a Marty it's me wreck Marty, but I't send him to you. What they did on Solar Opposites was a lot more clever, I gotta be honest. The voice changing gag, I thought, okay,

that's at least funny. You know what I would honestly do? Do a season without Rick or Marty. Just do it. Do all the secondary characters.

Or just, yeah, don't do anymore since Justin Brolin's gone. Just let him do it. How about that? Yeah, well, that's the other thing. It's like, let him

take a year off. Goof around. It's crazy they didn't bring him back? Yeah, well, that's the other thing. It's like, let him take a year off. Goof around. It's crazy they didn't bring him back. Yeah, especially that he beat the charges. It's very weird it's still there. I think there was a lot of interpersonal drama where people who worked there kind of hated him anyway. But that's kind of like the issue that I have

with the whole Russell Brand situation. It doesn't look good for him, to say the least, but you've got the like, the UK government that's contacting, you know, YouTube, TikTok. She's stealing my problem. Everything. I can change my problem. No, no, no, because I've already got a problem.

Oh, you've got a lot of problems. I've got a lot of problems. Yes, I do. But you go on your own. Anyway, can you go on your own? I'm not mad about the government. Andy can say it. No, I mean, it's fine. It's your problem the government? I'm Dick is saying no. I mean The problem is everyone arguing about which problem they're gonna do

The US government the UK government My problem is the UK government because I agree with you on everything you said. I've also heard things. I'm trying to be impartial. But now I have to fucking defend a potential rapist because the UK government and YouTube are like, we're demonetizing him off of allegations. And to me, that's even more deplorable. We're not in a place where the UK government and the parliament is sending letters out

to X, I refuse to call it X, Twitter, Rumble, all these places. Like, due to these allegations, we want to ensure he's not being monetized. Like, what the fuck world are we in that we're now shaming and writing from the UK government, from the parliament, the prime minister, to go and basically try to like shake down russell's profits off of allegations like that's terrifying to me should we do 1777 76 again is that we should i mean that's the problem is that alex jones over there to shoot them the reason we all left that godforsaken rock was that we're like hey uh we just kind of let our warship this fucking italian you don't know shit you showed up you showed up with your crime syndicates in your shoes and your carbs.

Oh, you love it. When these guys set it all up, by the way. He's Italian, too. You love it. Everyone's Italian in here. Oh, you fucking shit. I'm Italian. We didn't do anything.

Joe destroyed this country. The white people made. All of us. Toto Paz. What did your people do? Come over and start making tortillas? We invented this. When your card's done being washed, we spin the towel around like this.

That's what my people invented. Hey! Shh! Shh! That. Anyway, I'm going to assume somewhere along the line, maybe some classic American colonists snuck into me. I grew up in Massachusetts.

I feel like the spirit of the country lives inside me. Yeah. And that's why we had to leave Britain, because that godforsaken king wouldn't let us. I grew up in Massachusetts. I feel like the spirit of the country lives inside me. Yeah. And that's why we had to leave Britain, because that godforsaken king wouldn't let us worship the god we wanted to worship. So I had to come over and kiss rocks. Oh, did him. Oh, yeah. Oh, I'm sorry.

But this isn't your history, though. It is kind of. Well, it's American history. What about the pilgrims is, yeah, but it's not yours. Like, why don't you talk about how Africans were brought over in chains and stuff. That didn't happen to you either. That didn't happen to you either, though.

I know, look. Well, I don't know exactly my genealogy. Okay. Italian-Irish. So yeah, what were we doing? I'm Italian-British. Okay, there you go. I guess the Italians... I actually did the whole Ancestry thing

Yeah Yeah he basically told me What I already knew My ancestors were just Eating potatoes and milk Until we ran out And then half of us died Oh

So that was fun Yeah because you ate All the meat and potatoes And the milk Because you motherfuckers Were fucking all the Fucking over Irish I was eating all the Irish

The reason the Irish Family famine Was because my family A ate all the potatoes. Yeah. Yeah, you could tell. You could tell away all the potatoes, mate. Your problem's getting co-opted, Andy. You were saying the government.

The British government, because I'm looking it up, because now they also just passed the safety bill, which they're trying to hide as protecting children. Yeah. But there's a lot of fucking scary shit in this bill. That's Vito's job, protecting all children. We're getting to a place where now, who's deeming what's safe on the internet, who's censoring who,

what is the rules. The fact that this is now passed, I think there's something crazier going on clearly. That's what's frustrating, because our problems are kind of aligned, but I think mine's greater than yours because he's a problem I agree but the government

is now making it so we have to defend the problem and actually have his back when I'm like I don't want to fucking defend this guy but now I gotta like everybody look bad because they're like well actually 16 is legal it's like hey bratty don't say that say you're a gay I hate it and he's a pedophile but he still They're like, well, actually, 16 is legal. It's like, hey, bratty, don't say that.

Say you're a guy who hated and he's a pedophile, but he still deserves to be free and go to court. Don't say it's fine because it's legal, you fucking idiot. All these people just watch Sound of Freedom and are trying to protect the kids, but 16, okay, if it's legal, I guess you can fuck a 16-year-old. Like, what the fuck is wrong? What the fuck, man?

We are not protecting kids. Our answer is, well, it's legal. So I guess we're going to look at it another way. I promise you it should not be okay for me to fuck a 16-year-old. I am 100% in agreement. Look, there are, you know, some 16-year-olds can make up their mind. Don't even say that. No, they can't.

No 16-year-old can make up their mind. I'm saying they think they can. I have heard that argument from women and stuff. They're wrong. They're agents of the Matrix. You've got to punch them. I think, you know, we still, even at 18, all of us are still trying to fucking

sort ourselves out, but at least we've established that as like an age that I think is more respectful. You're out of school, like you're moving into college. At that point, there's sort of a reason for it all. 16 is way too young, man. And him sort of allowing it. If you're in a strip club, it's fine, but not just like out

and about. It should be the age of consent for farmers. So in the UK, since the Russell Brand situation has gone absolutely nuclear, there is now a wider conversation of actually opening the age of consent to 18 years old. So that is actually happening culturally in our country at this point. See the government has allowed 16 year olds to get fucked for Universe It's gotta be the same like trans you can't go trans and fuck guys older guys at the same age, right? Is that wrong? same age, right? Is that wrong?

Sorry, what? I'm confused. You can't get a sex change at 16, right? That would be bad. Well, I don't know what the rules are at this point. You can? I think you can get it at like 12, and that's bad. I think you can get your top part removed, and I think you gotta wait. Your head? Yeah, the head.

A class of trans surgery where they cut off your fucking head. They have a surgery that removes women's heads? I'll be the fucking happiest. I have no idea. The head is the worst part because that's where all the noise comes from. Dude, someone says 14 in the Netherlands. Fuck. I like heads.

You like having a head. I like head, yes. Okay. Yes. That's part of my point from the head is yap, yap, yap, yap, yap. The bottom part, that's great. Everybody likes that part. Oh, Vito, you wish you got yap, yap, yap, yap, yap. I got yap, yap, yap, yap, yap. The bottom part, that's great. Everybody likes that part. Oh, Vito, you wish you got yap, yap, yap, yap, yap.

I got yap, yap, yap, yap, and now I'm finally away from it. The bottom part ain't so great either. I guess. Fair enough. So the UK government fucking around. Well, they've always been terrible on free speech as well. Yeah. Yes.

Yeah, because we don't have a constitution at all like yours. You don't have a suggestion of a constitution either like we do. No, not at all. It's like the dude in Scotland that... Dankula. Yeah. Yeah. That got arrested and got done for, I think it was calling his dog Hitler or something like that.

He taught his dog to do a Nazi salute whenever he said... And don't get me started on the racist royals either. I mean, come on. The UK is just a problem. What is that? Get started. I don't know about the royals. Are they actually? Meghan Markle, man. Aren't you a fan of Meghan Markle? No. No, I'm not either. That's why I was joking.

But she thinks the royals are racist. Everybody hates Meghan Markle because she's what? White. She's biracial. Oh my God. Did you know, I just can I drop that I had an exclusive? Because I have a Popcorn Palace channel. Yeah. Okay.

Because I'm now so getting into the UK stuff. And I actually got, guys, check out Popcorn Palace. I got Meghan Markle's ex BFF. Yeah. Like literally, this girl was at the wedding, has been best friends with Meghan Markle for the longest time. Okay. And I made a video defending her because she got canceled due to white privilege during

Black Lives Matter. And it was complete bullshit. Wow. It was like this black influencer. He got the power, went to her head. She came into a bully. For the longest time okay, and I made a video defending her cuz she got cancelled due to white privilege during black lives matter And it was complete bullshit. Wow it was like this black influencer. He got the power went to her head She came into a bully and like went after Meghan Markle's best friend and Meghan Markle did shit would not back up her friend Let her friend hang out like dry and now that so anyway I made a whole video supporting her and the fucking girl followed me reached out to me Talk to Meghan Markle's best friend Oh What kind of stuff is there?

Stay tuned I keep my conversations private if I have to She gave me some stuff to share But I hope we get to share some more And I'm glad I started Popcorn Palace Yeah man Is it like penis sized stuff? Like what kind of stuff is she talking about?

I wanna know He's a ginger all places Is it like penis size stuff? Like what kind of stuff is she talking about? I want to know He's a ginger all places And he's inbred across multiple generations He did talk about his brother's penis In the book too, that was weird That's in his book? In his book spare, he revealed That it's uncircumcised

Who the fuck does that? Can you imagine you're writing your book And you write details about the future They make you put that stuff in. The future kings. Yeah. Fucking dick information in your book. Well, the people want to know. Yeah.

The people deserve to know. Are you like the straight, what's that guy from TMZ? The guy who runs TMZ? No. Is he not straight? Harvey Levin? Harvey Levin? No, the other guy, the gayer guy.

Who's he? I don't remember the TMZ name. Perez Hilton. Jared from Subway? Perez Hilton, yeah. Perez Hilton. He's he? Jared? Jared from Subway? He's not TMZ. I went too gay. Are you like the straight Perez Hilton now?

I try to be better than TMZ and Perez Hilton, really, because they're just garbage rumor trash. And, you know, we speculate sometimes, but, you know, some people love to call it TMZ. But I get offended because, like, TMZ is garbage out to destroy people. I'm not trying to destroy anybody. I try to keep it real.

I feel like we did some good things with Johnny Depp. We've exposed some real truths. So we try to keep it more real. You got to be in the Johnny Depp documentary against your will. Yep. Yeah. And you're suing Netflix? I am.

Oh. I'm in the midst of a legal dispute is what I can say right now per my counsel. But we are pursuing... Rockstar lawyers? We rallied up 10 grand from the fans to start the process. And we're in the midst of it. And yeah, it's pretty fucked up what they did.

I gotta be honest. We can't just take that footage. They just took it no commentary No editing just stole our whole interview with Johnny like a good chunk of my that's crazy And it's on a Netflix like top. No, I didn't just reach out and be like they did Of course, yeah. Yeah. Oh shit. I realize that They're like, can we just use this and not give you money? And then they put it on the number one show. They paid Nick? Of course, yeah.

Oh, shit. I didn't realize that. Oh, wow. They initially came up to us and asked for permission. Can we get this? Can we get this? Can we get this? Can we get this? Run it.

We're just going to do it. No. Did you ever put a number on it, though? Did you say for this amount? Again, I don't want to get into detail. Now I can't. But yeah, there's enough there that I've got. Don't be a Monkey Jones in a stereo. I'm not. but yeah, there's enough there that I've got. Don't be a monkey

Jones in a stereo. Seriously. I'm not being, give me that. Monkeys seem okay. Look at you, you're like the king of the world now

from that trashy show that you're on. That's incredible. I don't know why a stereo's went at you. That's very weird. He was, I had no issue with him.

It was just such a dick movie did where I was like very clear. And if he had known the story, I think he genuinely Would have been like

Oh fuck And I couldn't tell him The story at the time He probably wanted clicks My lawyer wouldn't Let me talk then either His wife probably told him Something that she heard

From somebody And he had that in his head Yeah he's like I'm gonna get Andy Yeah yeah yeah Fucking predator I'm gonna get clicks It was hysterious

That was fucking stupid Just fucking own it Just fucking own it That was such a shady shitty thing he did don't worry Maddox destroyed him he like tried to like

apologize I don't trust him that much after but I don't even think Asterios is around anymore I don't see him anymore I think he is he still does his show

he did screen junkie stuff I've seen him he's been on a couple podcasts I guess but he's like so what should we do about the UK government do you think

just disband it burn it lose it stop the Yeah Lose it Yeah Stop the monarchy End it all You guys are just fucked up Take it over

The vendetta, that thing, man Throw it all The tea party Throw it all in the ocean I don't know my fucking Let Putin come in and take over the whole thing Brexit too Yeah

Brexit I don't even know what Brexit is But yeah, it's true It's dope Brexit It sounds like something you should have It's that guy going Brexit it Alright, so the UK government Yeah Yeah, it's true. It's dope. It sounds like something that should have. It's that guy going, oh.

Brexit it. All right, so the UK government for trying to censor free speech and now protecting the internet. Yeah, they should not be interfering in private contracts. And making us defend potential rapists. I don't like that.

I don't like needing to be defending rapists as a general rule. But you agree, that's fucked up that they're mailing those social media. Well, you know, like, that's fucked up that they're mailing those social media. Well, you know,

I think they have to send that letter because they fucked up so bad that they're like, well, we kind of let Jimmy Savile rape like a million kids and yeah, we knew all about this Russell Brand stuff.

We used the limo to drive that 16-year-old to his apartment a lot of times. The problem is the government owns the media, or at least the BBC. Yes. The BBC is a big problem. That's why it's like fucks funded. Oh, so it's like NPR?

Yeah, the BBC's government funded. Well, NPR is technically actually independent. And it's actually publicly funded as well. No, it's not. It's more of a problem. Exactly. It's not. National Public Radio, it's publicly owned.

That means it's taxpayer-funded. There's lots of stuff that has the same name The BBC is taxpayer funded as well And it's backed by the government So it makes it even worse You have like an amazing heckler voice Like if I was in the stocks In like the 14th century And I was getting bread and shit thrown in my head

Because I was guilty of like horse rape Or whatever and I heard you shouting at me I'd be like god fucking damn it That's the worst voice I could hear right now Can you just chant shame at a five second interval Shame Ring to him

It wasn't British Game of Thrones Shame Yeah that's pretty good. Yeah. Shame. Shame. Really aggressive with it.

I also don't think anybody wants to run ads on a rapist channel. Yeah, but that's for them to decide. It's not for them to decide. You're saying he's a rapist. I got a minute. I got a minute. There's no ads on the BBC. Well, on YouTube, though.

YouTube, brands can decide who they don't want to put their ads on channels Said that I don't know if that's 100% is what happens if YouTube management gets accused do they shut themselves off? You don't think Pepsi has control and the platform to say we don't want to be on Fucking dick Masterson and Vito's show I think Yes they fucking do They do They can do it by keyword And I learned that Through the Amber Heard trial

Yeah We don't want anything To do with Amber Heard So they wipe out Certain words I don't think YouTube Wants to be seen running ads That's the problem though

On Russell Brand's channel Is that YouTube would be Making money off Russell Brand by running Because there would be Some ads Some got picked off And I wasn't even

Trying to knock you Like of course I don't get Pepsi either Like our channels Pepsi doesn't want to be On this what I'm saying. And I wasn't even trying to knock you. Of course, I don't get Pepsi either. Our channels, Pepsi doesn't want to be on this thing. I'm saying, but YouTube doesn't want to make a dollar off Russell Brand because then someone's going to say you're benefiting from Russell Brand. Yeah. Yeah, but he's not charged with anything yet.

That's the problem. Yeah, I know it sucks. Even if he's charged, it's more if he's found guilty then. Yeah, what's the line? So even then, like sex. If a woman comes forward and says that you're rapey... I'm guilty. And then...

But you are in the state of... In public... In the social media now, and in the UK government, you're done. You're toasted. You've lost all revenue. Yeah, but I don't have anything. So it's, like, a hard question for me.

What if they came after Patreon and were like, nope, I'm shutting it down. I think, Christ, I'm on there, but I assume it will be gone eventually. What do you think about EDP getting demonetized? They got demonetized? That big black guy who tried to have sex with a 15-year-old? I think so.

How big was the 15-year-old? Well, it was a catfishing type situation. But how big did they catfish him as? Because if they made her too hot, it would be like, I don't believe that. I'm fatter than hell. I didn't see the picture of the fake 15-year-old, all right? It's a sweet spot, right? But I'm pretty sure, you know, he got his channel banned.

He's demonetized, even though he's technically not been charged with any crime, you know? Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on. So, this dude was meeting up with a 15 year old who he thought was a... Tried to. Who he thought was a 15 year old, but the 15 year old was catfishing him and he want 15 year old... It was a bunch of predator poacher

type guys. Okay. Trying to catch him. This is an amazing industry. No, no, no. We've got them in the UK as well. Fuck him. Well, yeah, but I'm saying he hasn't been charged

with a crime. Is it okay to delete his channel? He's not being charged with a crime, but it shows that he had the intent. Yeah, but so you need

what, video evidence before it's okay to take a guy's channel down, I guess? I mean, basically you're saying We have a bunch of texts from Russell Brand saying I fucked

this 60-year-old. This is the normal response. I'm going to decide whatever. Fuck it. People are allowed to have a more nuanced opinion if they want. The right response should be, no, you're too young, I'm too old,

end of, done. Or not even just respond at all, just ignore and that's it. Yeah. The fact of the matter is... Unless they look old for their age. No. Or if they're like a vampire. No. No. What the fuck? No. Why did it take you so

long to... I saw the gears turning in your head. You're like, hold on. No! Of course not. Yes, correct, Steph. You got it right. Thank you. You nailed it. What if they have that disease where they don't age, though? You don't know. Yeah, exactly.

They might have progeria. They might have that disease where they look like 12 forever. They might have Gary Coleman's disease. Is that what it's called? It's what's called Gary Coleman. He knew that way too fast. What are you talking about, Willis? What are you talking about?

What are you talking about? Sarah, you're under arrest. What are you talking about, Willis? It doesn't matter how young they look. It's actually how old they are. If you're talking to a 25-year-old, but she looks 16 or something, it don't matter because they're 25 years old. That is their experience.

So if she looks like a 10-year-old, but she's a 25,000-year-old dragon, that's fine. Because she's 25,000. Is it weird if someone fucks a midget? That's not a proper word. Is it weird? Little people. Sorry, little person.

Would it weird you out for a grown man to want to be with a little person? Me personally? Yeah. Yeah. I don't want to have sex with a little person, though. It doesn't bother me on a moral level, though. Does it bother you morally? No, I mean like a little person, though. It doesn't bother me on a moral level, though. Does it bother you morally? No, I mean like a little person that looks like a child.

Actually, you're not. I mean, morally for me, kind of sex with all women is a little iffy. It's like I bamboozled you into this somehow with promises of riches and jokes that I'm not going to maintain. And you're trying to suck your daddy's approval out of that dick. It's not happening. And I know this, but I'm still engaging in it. The best relationships are based on deception. Yeah.

Anyway, what's your problem? My problem? Well, I had a couple different ones. I don't know. You got to fucking pick one, don't you? I know. Is that your show? Damn, dude.

How does he not know the rules of the show? He gets carried away yelling at me and not running the streets. Well, because next week is the live show. I'm going to save my good problem. Fucking, this fucking guy. Oh, so you don't actually

give us your best problems. Okay, motherfucker. So then pick the bad one. I don't, we don't want that. Let's hear the bad one. Yeah, hear the bad one. We don't want that.

This is going to do. He's pretending he's thinking about it. In a recent survey of more than 1,000 motorists, 14% reported having an accident or near miss because they were distracted by a backseat driver. My problem is backseat drivers.

Why would you not give them the good problem? Because we're going to go through it quick. We still got to do Lewis' problem and Steph's problem. Why would you not give the good the best problem, though? Why are you saving it for the live show? You're obsessed with live show. There's going to be 50 people at the fucking live show. It's going to be chaos.

First we buy you portos and you're not paying for the tickets. It's unbelievable. It's un-fucking-believable with this guy. Can we go on to my problem? It's not a bad problem. Who cares about Vito's fucking way? Hold on. Backseat drive-oh. It's not a bad problem? It's not a bad problem Who cares about Vito's problem?

Backseat drivers It's not a bad problem It's not a bad problem Has that ever happened on the show? If anybody hates backseat drivers It's still a good problem Do we have like a button Where we can just say no?

I hate you guys 51% I think you pissed out on your problem I think you pissed out Do you want to do it? You told me what it was And you pissed out That's what I think

Alright, let's do it Fine See? I was right. Fuck you. My problem is when you do a project and you personally do all the work and the other person, you know, just kind of half asses it. Is he talking about you?

What would that problem be called? The problem would be... Group projects. Well, you call it dick. Group projects. Group projects. Perfect idea. Group projects Well you call it dick Group projects Perfect idea Group projects with dick

Not necessarily dick But let's say you know That there's a very important project Maybe it's for a class Maybe it's a business I'm going to give you a resentment meter You tell me Hold up your hand for a resentment meter

And when it gets When you sense more resentment Go to the more And when you sense less resentment Go to the more and when you sense less resentment go to the less there's a lot riding on this project if the project is good you're gonna pass the class you're gonna get the big you know business presentation you're gonna get a raise whatever else you really gotta give it your all so you're there giving it your all and then let's imagine there's another kid named like Sanchez or I don't know something like that master he's just yeah just call him just say it's me I know his problem

is about me Jorge and he's just dicking around twiddling his thumbs yeah and you're calling him up and you're going hey man I had some calling him up obsessively Every day Every day I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say When we're in the pitch, should I say this? Should I hold two glasses? Is it normal to hold two glasses? This is normal to hold two glasses, right? Are they gonna sue us?

I don't know, what should I say? Lawsuit insurance, where do I get it? That's a different related thing I'm just saying The big exciting opportunity And I'm there and I'm like Well let's a different related thing. I'm just saying the big exciting opportunity and I'm there and I'm like well let's really give it all. And I'm there. And Dick's what?

What's Dick doing? Who's manager set up those meetings? Well, you're manager. I think he's kind of both of our managers at this point. I'm good friends with that guy as well. We're not friends. I think Randy is, am I allowed to say?

Regardless, we get a... Are you? I don't know. Let's just say that there was a big, exciting... I can't believe this is happening. ...Hollywood pitch meeting. This is why the show's not You know what?

This show might not make it to 108 Well, go ahead The reason it might not make it to 108 is because one guy Again, me It's again, me, again One guy is putting in the work and creating the document

and really getting making sure the idea is good Obsessively rewriting a document that's totally fine Just like a comic book that should be out already Yeah Yeah, when did that comic book that should be out already. Yeah.

Yeah, when did that comic book come out? Is that what we're talking about? Comic book once a month. No, no, no, no, no, no. Once every 18 months. Once every 18 months. No, no, no, no, no. All I'm saying is we go into the meeting, we go into the big project meeting

and I go, look, I got all my ducks in a row, everything's great. That's what they love to see is ducks in a row. You know, Dick is also there. I can't fucking believe you're saying this. Occasionally says something. You know what, okay, okay, okay. You want to talk about it? Okay, so we're pitching a fucking TV show.

This is real, by the way. This is real, by the way. The first thing I fucking say, the woman jumps on. Hey, how you doing? How you doing? I say, let me ask you something. Are those anime figurines that Vito has behind him? Would you say those are appropriate for a business meeting?

She busts out laughing. I say, pitch over. Pitch is over over Pitch is over That's the best you could possibly fucking do I feel like it was inappropriate to bring out my anime figurines On the call She's dying laughing She's dying fucking laughing

He got lucky It could have been the wrong person Fuck Unlucky It was unprofessional We did not discuss during the pitch That we were going to start razzing Vito and, you know, bullying the co-host, you know. And what I've done all the work to really set this thing up and make sure it works and I actually understand the premise of the show. I'm not just sitting around getting-

She doesn't give a fuck about the premise. The premise is very important. The premise is very important The premise is very important No she goes I had this hilarious meeting This guy had anime Sexy anime videos And the guy was busting his balls It was fucking great

We gotta sign this show That was the whole pitch The whole pitch Was you shitting on me That's not the show Okay the show Is supposed to be a back and forth It's not

Hey I'm dick I'm fun And I'm whatever And here's my fat Anime loving Retard co-host He's not supposed to be a back and forth. It's not, hey, I'm Dick. I'm fun and I'm whatever. And here's my fat, anime-loving retard co-host. He's not supposed to say my real name on the pitch. Because, you know, it's like fucking nobody wants to look up Dick Madgen and see what he's up to. So every other time he calls me out, it's real name, Dick. Real name, Dick.

I'm like, man, just fucking pick what you can't fucking call me by my real name. Just fucking use Dick all the time. Because it seems fucking psychotic to switch back and forth. I'm sorry. Most people don't have two names, all right, that I have to fucking balance depending on the scenario. No, really, they don't, Christopher. Fuck you. Point is, sometimes you go into a project And you really take it seriously And there's another guy who's there also

You think you did more work I think I really Your treatment is fucking The way you rewrote everything Including what Randy already wrote Is fucking insane I just made it better You know what

Send me the Okay okay You're here You're a Hollywood guy Sure Send me the fucking thing Okay Send me the thing I want you. You're here. You're a Hollywood guy. Sure. Send me the fucking thing. Okay. Send me the thing. I want you to see the picture. Do you want it right now? Yeah, send it to me right now.

Can I look at it? I want you to see the half-page picture that Vito wanted us to lead the treatment with. Half the fucking page. Okay? Mine had no pictures in it. It was just a normal writing document where you use your imagination. They should see the hosts of your imagination. They should see the

hosts of the show. They should know what we look like. That face said everything, Andy. Sorry, I didn't know the context. Thank you. I'm going to email it to him so he can put it up, right? Let everybody see it. You're going to show everybody? Sure. It's just a picture.

Hold on. Oh, okay. I thought it was the pitch duck. To Dick. And for those that aren't confused They really did do this. Yeah, I pitched a TV show and dick was there You should actually really be saying his real name that book I wish I honestly wish that we had it recorded so we could see when the laughs came recorded You should know this on your notes memo, you know voice memo You got laughs for your little also he's fat like yeah we know i got laughs on the page you really do the also he's fat yeah

like basically no i never said i would never do that like the whole idea was i don't believe you look at his anime figures look at this moron why do you have sexy anime figures on a fucking business call anyway that's a great thing that'd be better than her singing on her own and then i said and then i said he said you weren't gonna notice when I said she's definitely gonna notice So I better call it out for like it's a whole fuck. It was accidentally. That was a good bit You're being harsh on dick. That was a good bit look. It's fun. It's great that she laughs okay before If she doesn't laugh at that she's gonna laugh at dude. That's what you two are fine There's nothing wrong with that picture. This was the picture you wanted to put?

No, it's just like illustrating what the show would look like. Why do we need to see that picture? It looks like a fucking construction show, bro. Yeah, what the fuck is this show? Why would this be the top? How are they going to print this out? In black and white. Why would they print out a fucking picture of us?

I don't even know why they would print it out. They could probably just send the PDF around. That's a terrible photo. Oh, whatever. It's fine. What am I looking at? I know. I'm't even know why they even printed it out. They could probably just send the PDF around. That's a terrible photo. Oh, whatever. It's fine. What am I looking at? I know. I'm so confused by it.

Okay, well, we didn't have to use that picture specifically. But that was the picture you just sent you at the show. That was what you sent. I sent Randy a treatment that was all text. It was fucking tight and perfect.

And then I fixed it because it was not tight or perfect. And then you, for some reason, spent hours retyping it. To make it good. Because it was not tight or perfect. And then you, for some reason, you spent hours retyping it. To make it good. Because it was bad. Because I can't write.

Is that what you're saying? You can write. You can write. But I didn't write that? Or you're just better? You're not as good a writer as me. Okay. And that's fine.

I can't wait till your comic comes out. I'm going to tell everybody exactly what's fucking wrong I hope you review my comic Cause you know what You're gonna read it and you're gonna go Ah man this guy really understands story structure What the fuck show is this It's the biggest problem in the universe TV show

It looks like a Cheech and Chong sequel Andy you're in Holly Do you want people making fun of your treatment No this looks like I don't know what this is So I took the picture out I'm not even arguing for the picture Do you want people, Andy, you're in Hollywood. Do you want people making fun of your treatment? No, this looks like, I don't know what this is. So I took the picture out. I'm not even arguing for the picture. I just said, look, I made like a little thing. Is it good?

He said no. Why is Dick's head so small? Well, because I had to find a picture of two guys who kind of look like us. Because how many pictures are there of a bad guy? Why did you want to do that? Why? To illustrate the concept of the show. Are we allowed to know the concept?

Well, part of the concept is that- We're like- Yeah, but like the blue collar aspect. Make it for you. It's just bits and- It's comedy. It's a fucking comedy show. I love you.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

I love you. Do you know when I look at that picture- Shut up about the fucking picture. The picture's not important about- You made us put it up! You put it above the fold, bro! That's just the entire pitch! You did that! You know? We never sent this picture to anyone's just the entire pitch. You did that.

You know? We never sent this picture to anyone. Because I said fucking don't do that. Okay, and I collaborate with my collaborators. No, you don't. You just push everything fucking through. Hey, that idea is dog shit. Why don't we come up with a good premise?

And you go, no, I think it's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. Let it go. Isn't that good when a pitch is fine? It's the best pitch. You know, like, when I look at that picture,

if I didn't actually know you guys, I'd think that it was, like, some kind of DIY show. Yeah. Like, the biggest problem in the universe is that, like, my living room was booked, so these two jokers are going to come and fix my shit. I don't know. It just looks like a DIY show to me.

Or a 1990s Mario Brothers movie. I think the picture. With the overalls, right? It's a prequel. I don't know. It just looks like a DIY show to me. Or a 1990s Mario Brothers movie. I think the picture... It's a prequel. I think the picture is fun. I think it's fun. You would put this on a legit treatment. And then you said Tony from Hack the Movies put pictures in his. How many fucking shows has he sold?

Zero. How many shows did you sell? Two. How many made it for action? Okay, bitch. Both of them, but both of them did not get series pickups. Dude, he had that in him for a long time, let me tell you. He's been holding up with us. He can't put a lot of work in with Maddox's big song.

You know what? Maddox didn't turn into an asshole until after we sold the show. All right, look. Get the timeline right, okay? I'm not being an asshole. I'm just saying. You said you did all the work on the group project. This is the work.

Yeah, you get all the credit for that. This is the work. There's other work. There's a whole bunch of shit. There's a bunch of writing. That's an old document. This was part of your work complaint was your Photoshop work on this. Did a little Photoshop work.

The rest of the work, though, is amazing. What the fuck? That's not a problem. And I came to Dick and I said, hey, I've got a concept for the show, so it's basically like my idea, you know, but I wanted to bring him along. I thought he would contribute. You know, he did a little bit of help, but ultimately, you know, but I wanted to bring him along. I thought he would contribute. You know, he did a little bit of help, but ultimately, you know, sometimes you got to take the wheel and drive. And that's what I had to do here.

And we'll see. You know what? I almost didn't say anything. And so, you know, I let that picture on. Leave it on. I think it's funny. Go for it. It is kind of funny.

Yeah. Anyway. Have any of you So for everybody listening The Biggest Problem TV show Is off to a fantastic start We should put both We should put the treatments

Side by side I'd be happy to put The treatments side by side Because everyone's going to say Mine is better Huh What? Let's do it

We can put them up The fans are going to go Well Vito did write A very well Not only that But a perfectly formatted Treatment All kinds of wing ding fonts

And shit So that you can read it nice So it's organized well So you can like It's got like an easy flow Alright Is that your Yes

Do you have anything more To add to that Just you know I know in the future When we're working on something Like who's gonna Have to really knuckle down And you know

Man if you don't You gotta fucking Do less work You're gonna burn your You're gonna fucking Kill yourself Doing things over and over And over again

Just let it go Once two edits That's fine You only get to pitch I gotta make a sizzle reel now What were you gonna say? You only get to pitch one? Not me. Well, for this show, then I gotta

pitch this one again. Okay, big Hollywood Masterson with all his shows he's produced. I mean, more than you. Yeah, well, that was a different time. One is a lot more than zero. Two is more than one, but one is a lot more than zero. Two is more than one, but one is a lot more than zero.

All right. True. Stephanie Lewis. Real quick. Yes. Real quick. You don't have to be real quick. Real quick.

Okay. I've got one. Bonus holes. Bonus holes. Like the ass? No. The fucking vagina. Oh.

They're calling vaginas bonus holes now There's a terminology that they don't want to use the word vagina anymore They want to call it a bonus hole I do not have a freaking bonus hole, okay? Well, you do have a bonus hole It ain't a bonus to anyone, that's for sure You're saying you don't want the primary hole to be the bonus hole Right, I'll tell you something in terms of, okay, the back hole, okay?

I tried it once, right? No matter who, okay, could ever make me want to do that again. Technically, I've done it like four times. One with a guy. You mean technically? Technically. Wait, one with a guy? I'm sorry for interrupting.

Technically, I've been fucked in the ass four times times one with a guy Literally Okay. Wah, wah, wah. Which is, no, but it's seriously, right? Because the colonoscopy, the doctor is literally ramming something up you. That's basically anal as well. It's gay, it's gay, yeah. Yeah, it's complicated. Well, let me help Steph put this problem in context. No, Vito, do not help Steph. I think they want to hear Steph's shot right now, not you. Yeah, so I've got some pictures here of potential bonus holes.

Wait, you have pictures of this? No. Steph, why does Vito have pictures of this? Did you make a Photoshop of Steph's bonus hole? You get fucked. So this is the thing, right? It's for me like the actual like defeminization of women because they're trying to recategorize us

as not women anymore, but people. And it's like, no. People of size, they're calling them. Yeah, I got a And it's like, no, people of size. They're calling. I got a fucking vagina. Deal with it. Bastards. Also as well.

They turn around and they're like, it's not, um, uh, women menstruation anymore. No, it's people who menstruate. People who menstruate. Dude,

I'm sorry. But last I thought looking down there, I ain't just a person. I'm female. And the last I heard thought, looking down there, I ain't just a person, I'm female. And the last I heard in terms of medical science, only women menstruate. I've been menstruating lately. Just blood comes gushing out of my butthole. That's the same thing, right?

To be fair, that kind of makes sense in terms of all the meltdowns you've been having recently in all honesty. Why is it still called men straight? Isn't that sexist? That is sexist. It's weird. It should be XX. No, because the English language is predominantly masculine anyway. I mean, look at the Bible.

Amen, for example. You really are like drags. Yeah. Hi. I just want to put this Problem in context So the LGBTQ People suggest the term

Bonusol is a way to support Trans men and non-binary People as an alternative Word for vagina, see a trans man Might not want to say that they have a vagina Because that's assumed to be Feminine But that's fine, what my problem is Is that they have a vagina because that's assumed to be feminine. But that's fine.

What my problem is, is that they're trying to then put that on women. Now, it's like you just got something up your bonus hole. You got to get it out of there. You fucking bitch! Jeez, what stuck up your bonus hole? I'll tell you something, right? Whilst it was happening,

it was like I wanted to shit. With the butt sex? Seriously, yeah. Okay. It was like you wanted shit. Dick Masterson's actually red. He went from brown to red. Am I going to close my eyes?

I think it's like a Monty Python witch screaming these things at her asshole. Monty Python wish screaming these things at her asshole. Didn't we discuss on this show that if you have something in your butt, your first instinct is to get it out of there? I don't remember discussing that, but yeah. We were discussing, okay, it's gay to put something in your butt. It's not gay to take something out of your butt. Look, it's a one-way system for me, okay?

It's out. It's an exit all only. It ain't a freaking board of sorts, that's for sure. It's exit only. I'm telling you, no matter who will ever persuade me to ever go there again. And the fourth time it happened, which again was another colonoscopy, I was like, how many colonoscopies are you having?

Jesus Christ. A lot. I've got pancreatitis. It's a motherfucker. And that British diet will fuck you up. Yeah. I was like, knock me the fuck out. I don't want to remember any of this bullshit And they did which was really really cool How big was the guy who gave you butts Like was it a large penis

What the She said she would never try it again Maybe it was like it went too deep or something That's Vito's way of saying he has a small one More like Lewis's mic No definitely not a Big Ben kind of situation. No. So it was average.

It was all right. It was decent enough. It was decent enough. What's average? Exactly. Length. How many inches? I can't remember now.

Or metric feet? I really can't remember now. How many of the king's pounds does it extend out? I really can't remember He can't remember Could you show us like Give us like an approximate Face the camera

I don't know It's been a while We got my relations now Okay Did you end it quickly Or did you let him Did you let him go the full Maybe you'll get lucky

Did you let him to Oh fuck no I was like get out Get out I was like abort me Shit at this point Did you let him go the full? Tried good for you I'm a trisexual likes man for says in sex in the city I'll try everything once and if I like it fair enough makes you feel like you have to shit No, exactly that has been an experience that I can then come up to. Would you shit on Vito's stomach? Tell everyone. What? Would you shit on Vito's stomach? No.

Oh, no. Oh, my goodness. When I was like 18 years old and I was working in the nightclubs during my university days, I saw these videos, right, of people literally like peeing on each other and shitting in their mouths. And apparently people get off on that. And it's like, why? Are you serious? I don't get that. Yeah, like that. And it's like, why? Are you serious? Yeah, like serious. I've never heard of this.

Have you not? No, he's being sarcastic. He's trolling you. Come on. I've never seen that. I'm trying to trick you into doing it. That's the first phase of the plan. You've got to watch it at this URL.

Okay. I mean, if you say I've got to see it. Well, let me Google that. Contrary to popular opinion, I do have standards, okay? V or just no, but Andy is good No, no Yeah, no no no no no are you currently dating? No, okay. Well next time you are

All right the penis in the boat keep that cock out of out of her ass Would you let a guy finger your butt? No Have you fingered your butt, Vito? I mean, I've fingered my butt to get When you get like a big poop in there You've never fingered your G-spot For sexual pleasure? I don't think so

You should try it, Vito Dick, do you know you don't go there or you go there? Sure Yeah, I mean, it's do you know you don't go there or you go there? Sure. Yeah, I mean, it's pretty good if you do it the right way. I don't like it in my butt. Because I don't like it. You're going to admit it? I think we talked about this on the show.

Before we get to mine, do you know the Las Vegas using the restroom story with Vito? No. Because I pooped too much in the fucking bathroom. You don't know that one? That's a good one for Vito. You don't know that one? It's a good story It's a stupid story

Spill, spill, spill Alright, dude Tell the story Alright, we were in Vegas We were doing a show We were live You know, we had the strippers as shows There were strippers all around us

They were doing a show No, no, they weren't there We had a suite in the Bellagio This is my point of view What happens with the reality Just to set up I called like a model agent in the Bellagio suite. We're filming live.

Anyway, continue. There were three or four days we started getting better looking ladies as the days went on. On the last day, we were like, look, man, kind of like they're not into it. So the guy or whoever was the organizer was, we're going to send the hottest women. We had like a crypto sponsor. It was called

Cumstar Coins. Oh, yeah. Okay. I know them. We're going to send the hottest women. We had like a crypto sponsor. It was called Cumstar Coins. Oh, yeah. Okay. I know them. We're going to send the hottest women. So we're waiting there an hour or whatever and then we get the signal, oh, dude, they're downstairs. So all those guys are like, all right, cool. Get ready. Nice to meet you. Yeah, yeah. And then all of a sudden, bro, like the entire

fucking room smells like shit, you know? And we're like, what the fuck? Is there a dog in here? Like really, really fucking bad. And we're like in a suite. There was a dog in there. Yeah.

Vito comes walking casually out of the restroom. Very casual. Top dog. I marked my fucking territory. He comes out. He's adjusting himself. dog. I marked my fucking territory. He comes out. He's adjusting himself. He took a shit in the restroom.

Wait, wait, wait. He adjusts himself. He's like, ah. And he goes, bro, did you just use the restroom? Yeah. It smells like fucking shit in here. Why did you use the restroom near us? There was one in the back.

He goes, I had to go. I did use the one in the back. I swear there was a restroom for the girls. Why don't you go to the lobby or something? I'm not going to go! I swear that address was where the girls was gonna be! Why don't you go to the lobby or something? I'm not gonna go to the lobby to take a shit! But there's all the girls coming over! Oh my god, a bunch of fucking whores gotta deal with my fucking shit?

Everybody else though! They get paid to have guys fucking put all sorts of shit inside them! You really think they've never smelled shit before in that scenario? They weren't those No one of us wanted to smell your shit, we wanted to impress you! all sorts of shit inside them. You really think they've never smelled shit before in that scenario? No one of us wanted to smell your shit. We wanted to impress you. That's it. That's the thing. You're mad because you had to smell the shit

that has nothing to do with the girl. I'm mad because that's all. Nobody wanted to smell your shit. Andy. I didn't have Febreze. You didn't warn me. You didn't say, Andy, I'm about to take a shit before the strippers get here. You invited me to the show and as a a favor to you, as the talent in the room, as the

talent coming over to save your shitty live stream, okay, with you and what's that fucking big fat black guy, says crazy shit, Jody, okay? So I come over, and you two nerds are like, ooh, movies, it's fucking the worst show ever. So I decided to take a shit, and then I take a big shit, because I'm the talent, and I can do whatever I want. Damn, Vito's on fire today, man. He says what he really thinks

about us. Hollywood Vito. No, you guys are great, you know, but then you needed to make the show actually good. Making it smell like shit. Jesus. Making it smell like shit is not even... I was all the cries when you make fun of them And they're all running around What the fuck are you doing? I love Jody

I love Jody, come on I'm not endorsing this I disavow that part I mean, come on I've been to that guy's place It's fucking sharp in there He's a really nice studio. I'm not saying he's a piece of shit.

He didn't take a fucking shit in the room, Vito. He does that here, too. Everybody knows I love Jody. I love all his buddies. I'm just busting balls. Well, anyways, we have your address. We're going to send it to him. Come on over.

Look, point is, I did what comes naturally to every human being on the earth, and I deposited my bowels into the accepted fucking depository, okay? And I flushed and I sprayed the fucking shit Now you gotta do it before you come over, though But guess what? You know, I'm some other thing You didn't show up to the show He didn't use his fucking bonus hole

It was an anus, alright? And there's no bonus hole And Andy goes, can you get a bunch of liquor for these whores? So I do And then I go, hey, can you give me some money for that liquor? And he's like, eh. Yeah. So.

Yes, I did. No, you never paid me for that. Well, I'm not going to do it now. No, you're not. I totally would have done it if you had asked me off there. You'd shame me like that. Fuck you. You made me get this parking ticket.

Did I ask for cash for portos? No, you Son of a bitch The colon evolved So you could hold your shit in That's bullshit I cashed at you I'm pretty sure you didn't Pretty sure

You know how it just went from Fuck maybe you did This is like three years ago I don't give a shit Can you check? Clearly you gave a shit No it's funny I still give a shit that you took a shit

In the room before the strippers showed up Well next time Just get worse talent for your show And maybe they'll do whatever in the bathroom Is that your problem Louis? People shitting in your bathroom Who aren't you? Dude it was just shocking

Everyone shits The Bellagio's water thing For the fire turned on dude It was bad There's three bathrooms in that place I think I can use one of them to shit. But don't you think you should ask the person in charge

of, hey, I gotta drop a deuce. Where can I go do that? I think you should have went to those hired prostitutes and told them, hey, listen, big time YouTube celebrity Vito just took a big shit. You're smelling his shit. Here he is. What did you eat that day, by the way, before we move on?

Everything. Victory. Bacchanal buffet. I ate victory and I shit victory. And that's the bottom line. Glad that got a laugh. What the fuck is this show? All this show is, everyone fucks with me.

Alright? I do everything for you people. Wow. What the fuck is this show? All this show is, everyone fucks with me, all right? You are shitting. I do everything for you people. I am the reason everything happens. You're welcome. You are welcome that I came and I saved your live stream. The most boring fucking thing

with all these fucking whores. It was not boring. Like, when a guy takes me to a place. It's like, oh my god And then I brought some comedy and some levity Remember you still got my problem

So Don't forget Louis' problem as well Vito's taking a shit at the Bellagio You're not gonna beat that one I think you got a good problem already Alright do you wanna read Super Chats You gotta cruise through these If you got two bucks we're not reading your fucking super chats.

Yeah, step up and drop more than two bucks. I mean, I feel bad not reading the two. No one react to the $2 ones, and I'll read them real quick, okay? Don't read them. Do you not want me to read them? Fuck them. Okay. Anyone that's $2, I won't read. You can send those $2 to Nerd Report.

Read them. Just don't react to the $2 ones, okay? Kufa5, thank you all for not killing yourselves last week and this week. Thank you all for not killing yourselves before next week's show. See you all there. That was for $5, so give it a little bit more moment. Sure. Live show is... He says that every week.

Thanks for not killing yourself. Live show next week. When do we say where it is? Does it matter if we announce it beforehand? Let's wait. Why? Because he's going to Photoshop a picture. Because it's sold out announce it beforehand? Let's wait. Okay Photoshop a picture because it's sold out already. It doesn't matter it sold out but also

If people docks the address they might call and like fuck around that'd be great Think about if you want to say where it is Put your name on make sure you have a name you can tell the guy for your fucking ticket. All right? Don't fuck around. And as we said, give all your liquor to one guy, because everybody who brings liquor has to pay five bucks. Yeah. So just give it to a guy, and then take it from him once you're inside.

Shit Lips for two. Gallo says hi. Zetta Queen Zell for two. Clip Show. Ultra Water for 10 Canadian. Regarding Vito's Twitter, how can you laugh At the Oakland woman's death The same hour You aggressively deny Execution for those killers

Planning to go serial If you're trolling Then you got me good Here's how I can do it Fuck that bitch for dying And don't kill children Coup for two Wait what

We can't We have no time That was 10 bugs He's trying to say It's your fucking show You have as much time As you want He's trying to say

Why does he always rush it Because he's got his shit Yeah I gotta take a big one I ate those Pardo's balls In that case Fucking show you He's got a shit Hurry the fuck up Canceled last show I need some more support. I'm in the fucking black zone. Live show's cancelled. Last show. Last episode. We're done. I have Steph reading in the accent. I'm reading him.

I'm reading him. Oh, Vito's leaving. He's really going to shit. I think he really does have to shit. I, I, coot, coot, coot for two. I made the biggest problem in the world. Live episode 108. Stickers not 107.

I should have quit. Can we, while the comments are being read, can someone really send something really weird and dirty for Steph to read in her accent? The higher the super chat, the sexier she'll do it. We should have Steph

read the super chats with that beautiful British voice. Give us Rich for five. Rich for five. V-O, my friend was big fat like you.

Pooped so hard, broke his butt, now he's dead. Sounds like a limerick. Pooped so hard, broke his butt, now he's dead. That's what we gotta say about old friend.

Complications. Don't be like me, friend. Loose weight. Getting happy. Don't care. I love you. Don't care. Riley Edwards for two.

Turn off her mic. Biggest problem solved. Fuck you. Moving on. Shitlips for two. Riley is right. Just mute her mic. Fuck you. Moving on. Shitlips for two. Riley is right. Just mute a mic. Fuck you.

Move on. I think they were trying to fix the problem in the beginning. Yeah, I think so. Brandon Torres for ten. Hey, Brandon. Take a shot. I wish. We actually taken a shot.

Too late. They took them all. Took a sip. All right. Oz McGee for five. I didn't believe in magic until I saw a stereos turn into a snake. A fucking snake. Yeah.

Zeta Quinzels for 199. Vito underwent mitosis. Yes. All right. Red for two. Who's hairier? Al Rudnick or Eric July? Did we establish the answer?

I think we established it. I think we said Hal. Hal. Dumb username for five. I found this podcast through an interview with Maddox on Screen Junkies that got deleted. It got deleted? Interesting. He was on once or twice. Yeah, he was.

That's too bad. And then shit lips. Hal tried to play both you. He was like a friend with everybody. He just didn't want to pick sides. Yeah. Now that's a snake. Shit lips for two. Definitely get a mugshot, Vito. I'm working on it. it. Don't beat up more women. Not me, because I'll beat you up.

Okay, fair enough. I'd wear that shirt. Some ladies are into it. Put it in AI. I'm sure you can make an AI one. Oh, an AI mugshot? It's not the same. John Riss for five. Mugshot Vito. Cop killer Vito.

Vito with the hard wife hits Jerky Hard wife hits Jean Rick for 199 Hey up Jean honey With the Mr. Green blob Utah based Armenian for two This is the closest Vito has been to a woman in years

Fuck you And me as well So he's damn fucking lucky I'm telling you Shove it up your bonus hole you cunt Fuck you. Yeah. And me as well, so he's damn fucking lucky, I'm telling you. Shove it up your bonus hole, you cunt. Get fucked,

you massive cunt, you. I'm not afraid to say cunt as well. Fair enough, fair enough. Yeah, they say cunt a lot up by you, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, yeah, in the UK, like,

It's cheeky and fun. Yeah, where we used to work, we called each other cunts. Even we called our manager a cunt and she called us a cunt back. It was amazing. Did you work at a class university? Like a finishing school? No. Oh.

I was thinking, how is that a serious question? What the hell? No, no. You speak like a high lady of the court. Yeah, totally. Okay. Dumb username for two. Why not Planet Popcorn? Why not Planet Popcorn? Change the name.

It was taken as well. Shitlips for $2. Can she at least fake an American accent? Can you? Can she at least fake an American accent? No. That was bad. I really, really tried to do Valley Can she at least fake an American accent? No. No, that was bad. That was a California accent.

I really, really tried to do Valley Girl, but I'm... You've got almost there. I can do it. Basically, the answer to that is no. Oh, my God. Like, I can't believe it. What a bitch. Well, you can do it. Fuck you, you cunt.

No, I'm trying to help. Jesus Christ. That British humor is very aggressive. No, that's just me, mate. That's just me. That's what happened with Russell Brand. Exactly.

Fucking Christ. Carbonized Stardust for $2.79. A Queen of Monharia. Thank you very much. Yes, she is. Utah-based Armenian for $2.

The posh outfit can't mask a northern accent. And I'm glad. I'm proud to be northern. Thank you very much. Yes, she is. Utah-based Armenian for two. The posh outfit, cat mask, and Northern accent. And I'm glad. I'm proud to be Northern. There you go. Spider Eternal for two. Steph looks so uncomfortable

most of the time. I mean, that's kind of true. Why are all the super chants about Steph? I feel bad. No, actually, do you know what? Bring it.

Brian David for ten. Who the hell is Chris Chan is the question of the century. He's a Chinese gentleman. Yeah, he's a Chinese guy. Chris Chan. The filter railroad. No. No, you were good. LP Dirty

Tea for 199. Steph, does your future have balls or no balls? You said it's food, not future. The future one. That's better. Does your future have balls? Well, I'd hope so. If not, we've got a massive problem. Spider Eternal for two.

Vito should ask Steph out right now. No, we're not doing that. Take your shot. I'm not playing that game. Yeah, if he wants to survive, probably not. Dumb username for five. Lara Croft, Lola Bunny, Jessica Rabbit, made Marion as a fox in that Disney movie.

What do you mean? Do people get off on this? He's bringing up examples of furries. Jessica Rabbit is not a furry, however. Two of them are not furries. Who's the other one? Lara Croft? Why did he say Lara Croft?

Yeah, that was weird. Bad choices. One show. A up one show for five. I love you, but you got to check the shit. I send you more often. Much love to Andy and Lewis. I'm not drunk enough for this show. I do, but then I forget because I'm an idiot.

Zeta Quinzel. You gotta check the DMs I send you more often. Damn. Don't worry about it. I don't know if you should be doing that at all. Wancho. Wancho's a good guy. Oh, it's Wancho. It's Wancho. I just sent you a picture of my bonus call.

He's a friend. He's a friend. All right. Zita Quinzel for $1.99. Chris Chan drinks her navy with orange Fanta. What does that mean? I don't know. Don't know.

Don't care. Dumb username. $5. No FPS. Russia was arrested for having too much fun, but the charge he went to prison for was possession of 25 grams of hash oil, not for guns. Yeah, but they took his guns. Yeah for was possession of 25 grams of hash oil, not for guns. They took his guns.

That's the point. They took his guns. David March for five. Ayo, Bledge. V.O. wishes he was as cool as Russell Brand. Nerf report. Nerf report. Utah-based Armenian for two. Set up a phone date between

Steph and Chris And the Kiwi He's a cool guy Okay Let me see a picture of him and then I'll decide You gotta call in No Blind date I don't do blind dates

No no no You don't have a choice It was horrible This guy's username Nice try but I'm not reading the Super Chess tonight moron blind dates. No, no, no, no, no. Oh, you don't have a choice. It was horrible. It was horrendous. This guy's username, a nice tribe, but I'm not reading the Super Chess tonight, moron. Toby Ferris Wheels for 20. Dick, does this count? Biggest problem.

Red pill warriors treating the Bible like a D&D player's handbook. Pick a couple of books, skip everything else, and bam. They are a Levitical paladin. Almost as bad as lady ministers. Yeah, they're real fucking obnoxious. David March, Lurch again for five steps.

His biggest problem is her being a hobbit and not being able to take things from the top shelf. Fuck you. There's always ladders, all right? I got ladders at home. Do you have those in the UK? I got ladders. I know.

I got ladders at home. I can reach the top shelves now How many of the king's feet do those ladders reach to? Don't know, don't care At least I can reach And that's all that matters James Gartner for 1999 Says the biggest popcorn planet in the universe is cool

Great crossover Love it Vegetable Spy 94 for 5 The biggest problem in the universe is when the local slumlord Buys the property next to yours and destroys your property value Agreed Yeah Savage 73 for 2 The universe is when the local slumlord buys the property next to yours and destroys your property value. Agreed. Yeah.

The Savage 73 for two. Maybe kids should stop being so abductable. What the fuck? Dude. You might have a point. Give him some guns. Yeah. Oh, no. Maybe not.

Arm the children. No. You British don't like guns, huh? No, I like guns. Oh, okay. My ex had a full firearms license and everything. Yeah, but... But you can't carry them for...

Can you carry them for personal defense? No. Like you had, what, hunting rifles? Yeah, we can hunt and we can do like target practice, but actually using them for defense, we get fucked over for that. Yeah, you can't have a knife. No.

That's like how a first date would go between you two. Talking about guns and knives. It's just that conversation. It's very sexy. Pretty schlock. The date would last like two seconds because I'd be on my way

out of that point. Not once the chloroform comes in. He's kidding. Yeah, sure. You better be, motherfucker. He doesn't know

where to get chloroform. Hey, you want some of this Diet Coke? No, because it's diet. Stray Beans, $2.99. Andy is worse than TMZ. He's just lying again. Oh, wow.

Fuck no. Always the insults are by cheap bastards. $2.99? He's still a 50. Keep paying, Stray Beans. I love it. I like NT Rex. For five, says Andy blocked me for calling him TMZ. That's his rank. Keep paying, Stray Beans. I love it. I like NT-Rex. For five, says Andy blocked me for calling him TMZ.

That's his rank. Probably did, yeah. So what? Clap, chop. I blocked so many people. I love it. My account still climbs. I used to think that was a bad thing, but no, I'm like, I don't want this energy.

Like, what? Of course. I try to get Dick to unblock people, and then he yells at me. I will never unblock you. They clearly just want to nerve you, and they're like, I just don't got time for it. See ya. Fair enough. Clap Trap, the destroyer for five says, is Andy just TMZ

but for nerds? Yeah, but it's like fun TMZ. Not really nerds. Not nerd stuff anymore. There's a lot of really hot women following Popcorn Planet. That's the only reason I go there. Yeah, it's so funny. Andy was putting his invite on Facebook. He's like, does anyone use Facebook? I'm like, Andy, your audience is all middle-aged women. They're all

on Facebook. I mean, nerds. They're going to have a Facebook. The word nerd's not an insult. Nerd is just obsessing on certain topics, you know? So yeah, maybe there's nerds that obsess off the topics like the royals and stuff, so that's good. Yeah, whatever. Strip beans for $2.99. Andrew

has zero integrity. He'll say anything for cash. I mean, you're the one saying anything for cash. Biggest problem right here. Am I chopped liver? I'm part of this group, too. Get some fucking hate over here, bitches. Also, we'll do anything for cash. If we bring a guest in and the super chats are mean,

I'll just kind of skip over them. No, no, I love it. What I love is, I would just kind of like skip over them. No, no, I love it. What I love is like, I would love to just see if straight beans would not accept cash for something. Yeah, of course he would. And he has integrity. Is that, does that qualify as an insult

in where you guys are from? No, no, no. You lack integrity. I'll fucking kill you. No, just to explain. I'll ruin your you. Just to explain. I'll ruin your comic business. Dick, behind the scenes. So Andy and I will talk about, let's say, a video and we'll talk about what the title

is going to be. And I can be a little bit on the clickbait side. And when I say a little bit, a lot. But Andy like reels me and he's like, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's too clickbait. And he kind of like amends it. I do did the Royals kidnap. That's too clickbait. And he kind of, like, amends it. I do. Did the Royals kidnap.

I'm not trying to. I don't give a shit what this guy says. But it is just frustrating because the person clearly doesn't watch. Like, I do make a point to not ever lie or mislead in it. Like, and if we're going down gossip, we try. But it's cool, straight beans. Keep paying them, please. Yeah, that's bullshit.

Everyone, please keep giving us money to shit on Andy. Straight beans, if you charge these back, I'll fucking find you in real life. You better not fucking charge this shit back. You little cocksucker. They do. They shouldn't charge. I don't even know. But if he does it, I will fucking find you, bro.

I'm looking at you right now. His picture is all your fucking shit. I already got your picture memorized. Thank you for the donation Zeta Quinzel for $1.99 Asterios is betting his podcast money on football Rich for $4.99 You miss 100% of the shots

You don't take Seth Rogen But then Vito gets to keep his balls In his dick Right firmly where they're supposed to keep his balls in his dick right firmly where they're supposed to be instead of in his car. Balls in his dick? I don't even know.

That's the shot that you're talking about, Vito? Hitting on you. Oh, wow. Okay. Well, you get to keep your balls in your dick then, Vito. That's good. You don't turn into a eunuch. See, at a certain point,

your voice just turns into, and I'm like, I don't even know what the fuck she's saying. No one does half the time, but fuck it, you know. Dumb username for $2 says, would you do a midget with H-cups? Yes, of course. What? Would you actually? No, no, no.

Because wouldn't the H-cups get in the way? It does make them look older. What? So wouldn't the H-cups get in the way? Because you'd be like, oh, the H-cups get in the way because you'd be like, oh, the H-cups. That's the best part. You wouldn't be able to actually get in.

Oh, I could get in. I'll figure it out. Those H-cups, I tell you what. I'm just thinking like the logistics of it. I just see you like floating on the H-cups. Would you experiment with a little person? No, because I am a little person. Oh.

So you wouldn't be with someone shorter than you. What about Peter Dinklage? He's a good looking little guy, right? No. See, Peter Dinklage is playing the Toxic Crusader. Avenger. Avenger. But the Toxic Avenger was not a short guy, was he?

No. No. Uh-huh. Is he actually Toxie? I thought he was Toxie. I don't know. I don't know. Elijah Wood looks fucking badass.

He does. He looks real good. So, Dead Cat for two. Vito, bring the snacks. He already brought them and he ate them. Look at him. No, I brought the snacks and got a fucking ticket for it. That's your fault.

No, it's not. It's yours. Porto's has a parking lot, too. Yeah. They're, like, charging people tickets. Their fucking line is forever. Yeah. LP Dirty T for $4.99.

I joked that I thought Steph would have said Dick was the biggest problem. LP Dirty T for $4.99. I joked that I thought Steph would have said Dick was the biggest problem. Turns out it was Vito's. Thank you for the snacks. That's the biggest problem. There we go. Silverback Strength for five.

Vito sitting there next to Steph is like Jabba the Hutt with Leia. Look at Jabba go. I love it. I love it. I love it. My mouth's lice is crumbly. Sorry. Wet Bandit for five. What if the real Maddox I love it I love it I love it Sorry Wet Bandit for five

What if the real Maddox was the Vito's we met along the way Maybe Maybe Pop Sculpture for two This is the best last episode It is the last episode

Hey nice I guess we'll see you at the show We'll see If we make it past the live episode Yeah We'll see if we're at the show Maybe we won't be at the show Yeah maybe we won't be at the show.

Yeah, maybe we won't even be there. Clap, chop, the destroyer for five. Is this V.O.'s Joker moment? My Batman moment. That was Joaquin Phoenix's Joker moment? That was where Batman comes in and lays down the law. And says, listen, Gotham City. Which Batman?

We've been talking around for too long. I don't know, man. All of them. Adam West. I'm climbing up the building. Oh. All right. Moving on.

Spider-Eternal for two. Vito ate Maddox and absorbed his essence. Cry more. Gut for two. Vito has gone full Maddox, apparently. I have. Just Even for five. Love the tension. Best episode since Vito and gone full Maddox, apparently. I have. Just even for five. Love the tension.

Best episode since Vito and Mr. Girl. That was a great one. John Riffs for five. Vito complaining about Dick making the person they're trying to impress laugh out of the gate. It's very Maddox. Oh, now I see where they're at in the show. Me too. Darius Redik for us for five.

I was beginning to think that V.O.'s Maddox transformation was never going to come. Oh, it came episode, like at least 20 episodes ago. I'm starting to really see the perspective

of this Maddox character. I told you what you're doing was bad. I get why. Yeah, everybody gets why. Okay. All right. Dumb username for two.

I'd watch a Dick and Vito home repair reality show. There you go. Sure. Lemon Trashy. But that wasn't the show, for the record. No, it's not a home repair show. That maybe would have gotten a steal if you had made it. Yeah, then I'll do it.

That's fine. Let's pitch that one next. Lemon Trashy for five. This area of the grievances better end with Vito crying to match the. Lemon Trashy for five. This airing of the grievances better end with Vito crying to match the old show. Did Maddox cry after the airing of the grievances?

I'll punch him in the nose. Don't cry then, guys. Don't worry. Did he get cut out of the episode? Yeah. Fuck. Wet Bandit for two. Release the uncooked pitch.

Maybe we'll put the pitch up. I don't know. Zeta Quinzel for 199. The lawsuit comes full circle. Trent for five. Idea for the show. Cold open the first episode to the two of you screaming at each other as three guests look on in silent horror. Yeah.

Yeah. That's a good intro. Good, good. Absolutely brilliant. We have way more. We need to refresh. I know. We're going to refresh.

Matt C for five. Biggest problem in the universe is reducing someone's hard work and just calling it luck V Oh, well, I've seen the work I don't know if it's hard work sitting in it right now. Yeah. Well, uh, oh, wow. Wow. Wow No, I'll bring in the pain. Yeah So earth and sky for two. Glade. Thank you. Okay.

Claptrap the Destroyer for five. Vito, this Maddox bit is terrific. Utah based Armenian for five. This whole stream, it's looked like Vito's getting the worst lap dance ever. Yeah, because I don't do them. Dickhead. Earth and Sky for two. Farts.

LOL. I was helping. You don't do them, dickhead. Earth and sky for two. Farts. LOL. I was helping. You don't do laugh dances either? No. I mean, she shakes her milkshake. We got a stripper pole. Yeah, there's a stripper pole over there. What do you think?

Only for one special person. Yeah. Jesus? The king? Don't believe in Jesus. L. Ron Hubbard? Okay. Xenu then no

if Lord Xenu right now said I'll take every Thetan off this planet if you strip from me I'd say bullshit because there's no Thetans dickhead there's definitely Thetans you're not going to last long

you're not going to last long in this town honey if you don't believe in Thetans come on alright wet bandit for five. Steph is too hot to be sitting next to Vito for three. I agree.

I paid her. Yeah, and farts. Slim Willie's 96. The ultimate burn. All right. Jesus Christ. Next time the girl is not allowed to sit next to me on the show Well the super chat

Exactly. Exactly. There you go. I don't know how you come back to that one, honestly. I've just made Vito speechless. There you go, guys. She got me good. Exactly. You know, save this for prosperity.

I actually think you guys are going to hook up now. I was joking before, but now it's getting tense. I don't think you've seen it. Red Lewis? Nah, he's not my type. Oh, yeah. He isn't. No.

Slim Willis, 96 for $5. Andy, looking forward to you taking Netflix down. We're currently talking about the special on our show. Also, Vito should just ask Steph out already. Yeah. J. Christ SU for $4.99. God save the queen. Not anymore.

It's God save the king, but okay. SB for $5. Vito strikes me as a guy who has a lot of Sailor Mars statues. I like Jupiter the best. She has the biggest tits, right? She does have the biggest tits. There you go. You win.

Correct. I've laid for 50. Oh, we're going to have to do this for 50. Can we get a wrap from Vito? It's 50 bucks. I thought your wrap was 100. I thought your price for a wrap was 100. It should get to 100.

They need another 50. Do you have a beat? Well, I always have a beat It's your price though What are we rapping about You have to give me a theme I don't want to rap about farting and shitting Bonus holes

Get us to another 50 bucks Maybe another 50 Maybe you sweeten it Heather Salvatore for five Hey up Heather says hiya. The ginger doggy, I love it. Just even for 5, if you don't tivvel me bonus hole, I'll use me icky

thumb on ya. I have no idea what you're talking about there. David Gomez for 5. Hopefully the boys have learned their lesson for the second time about letting women on the show. Oh, I've learned my lesson. And a British one at that. Oof. I've learned. Killer of Lenos for 10 says, Why a conservative is worshipping false idols?

Anyway, the UK government hates its people. Did the Brits lose the war? Can we make Vito do its ancestry test to stop saying we and speaking in generality? That'd be a good episode. No, we cannot. There's your answer. Robin Turner for 10. The biggest problem in the universe is when you try to use a counterfeit 20 to buy a banana

and end up with an knee on your neck. Well, do we really need to go that far? I think it says cigarettes. You misread. Yeah, it said cigarettes. He was trying to buy cigarettes. Oh, okay. Lemon-

Well, guys, I know she's from Britain, but you don't need to try and trick her with little American news stuff and get her to say racist things. You don't have to do that. I get that it's funny. I get it, but maybe I'll do it For $20 You'll get that reference later You'll get that reference later. We'll explain it later. Yeah, explain it to me later, because I've got no clue, quite clearly. It's nothing bad.

Did people explain? I'm like the little incarnation of Drax. Lemon Trashy for two. Ripper Goldpost watched the entire show. He loves it. Ripper Goldpost was in the chat. I love that guy. Ripper Goldpost is for Ripper or against Ripper?

He's for Ripper. So he watches all these shows and he clips. Ripper Goldpost is such a weird name, because it feels like it's a parody account. Like, Ripa's always moving the Goldpost. He's saying that the detractors of the Ripaverse are always moving the Goldpost. It's confusing, Ripa Goldpost. That's a really bad name. For instance, the fact that Eric July advertised multiple times that his

comic would not be available after the campaign ended. And then the campaign ended and he said, never mind, they're all in my store. That's fucked up. Which is like blatant false advertising and you're not supposed to do that.'s fucked up. Which is like blatant false advertising, and you're not supposed to do that. Yeah, those are collector's editions, right? Yeah, when Nike says,

these sneakers are only going to be available for a month, they don't go, never mind. We have more. We have more. You go, well, I bought them because you said they were only available for a month. Yeah. Specifically, that's why I bought them.

And then his fucking defenders are like, how's that a lie? And I'm like, well, it's a lie. He said they wouldn't be available. Yeah, he did something that he didn't say. He tried to build hype, Mark, because it's FOMO. It's like, oh, if I don't buy it now,

I can't get it. And he's like, actually, you can still get it. Yeah. But whatever. These people are dummies. So we've got Jesus Christ in the chat. Nice.

For $3. Hey, mate, don't believe in you. It says, a voice attitude, a no anal, and you're not dating. I did, like, once. And I ended up going out with a fucking vegan that don't even eat fish. And if there's fish on the table, he, like, feels sick and everything. And it's like, look, I come from an Italian family. I want to make sure the next person I did has a passport so they actually meet my

bloody so the vegan gave you butt sex no no no no no no no first date no way I'm I was a first date with a vegan she went on a date with a what's your longest relationship? She is dating. She's just 15 years. 15 years. 15 years. Yeah. Was that with the, uh, the proctologist? Yes. Yes.

Well, that means you, uh, you know, you can stick to a, you can stick to a relationship. That's good, right?

That's a good trade. I'm very loyal. Absolutely. And I am dating, but like Andy says, I'm extremely picky. Was it his fault, the breakup?

Was it a no-fault situation? It takes two to tango. Takes two to tango. Well, that's good. As simple as. Darius Ronicovas for five says, E all, C all, C no. E all, supp all, pay no.

And if there ever does O for no, I'll us do it for this end. Wow, you did pretty good with that that's basically Yorkshire's been that's Yorkshire

that's Yorkshire whoever that is Yorkshire represent Drunken Atheist Studio for five says shout out to Riley and Mint Salad for flying me out

and getting me a hotel for Biggest Problem Live I look forward to partying with you all thank you Drunken Atheist Studio I'm excited to see you Miss Kim for five better than TMZ and with more credibility love Popcorn Planet community I look forward to playing with you all thank you Miss Kim for five better than TMZ with more credibility love popcorn planet community staff don't listen to them You know we love ya CEO

Oh, yeah, we're doing a meetup too. We're gonna be at what's it called round one round one in Burbank amusement Hopefully dick you're invited Vito drinking in the karaoke bar. Shut up. They probably don't care. Well, I don't care. You know what? Go to the school karaoke. Go here. I said it's a good venue.

After I announce it, you can't drink in the karaoke rooms. You have the same access to information as me. You're sneaking the booze in. First, you're not paying the parking ticket. Then you make me get you portos. You don't offer to information as me. You're sneaking the booze in. You can look. You're sneaking the booze in. Sure. First, you're not paying the parking ticket. Then you make me get you portos. You don't offer to pay for it.

You give me a parking ticket. And you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to take a shit in the karaoke room. You are. All right? Deal with that. Oh, get ready for that rap. Jesus.

Refresh. All right. All right. Lisa, Lisa, what's up? Oh, my God. You like the Planeteers? They don't fuck around. Planeteers don't fuck around. Let's go. Let's go. So, Zeta Quin? Oh, my God. You like the Planeteers? They don't fuck around. Planeteers don't fuck around.

Let's go. Let's go. So, Zeta Quinzel for $1.99. Vito would have more luck with a cat, probably. All right. You don't need luck with a cat. No, there's no luck involved. I'm in charge of that situation.

All right, Russell Brand. I love it. World-renowned Geohound for $4.99. Way to go, Dick. Making me like Andy. Much love to you and Vito. Check out Steph Geohound for $4.99. Way to go, Dick. Making me like Andy. Much love to you and Vito. Check out Steph on the camel cash. She's great.

I'll re-up on TDS. Patreon, don't hit me. Thank you, World Renown Geohound. Hi. Carbonized Stardust for $13.99. I've already paid a lot for live male dancers today, but here's toward the rap fund. There we go. 63.

64. I round down. You can round down. You can round down. Admiral Tinkletest McGee for $19. 63. 64. I round down. You can round down. You can round down. Admiral Tinkletits McGee for $19.99. Are we doing a DDR tournament at round one? I'm looking forward to it. I'll hit it up. Tinkletits McGee, look forward to seeing you.

Ivelin for $50. Here's your other $50. And then Lisa Lisa for $49.99. Hey all, Steph and Andy. You made it to Cali. Here is your $50 veto. Thank you all for Steph and Andy. You made it to Cali. Here is your 50 VTOL. Thank you all for making me laugh. Happy Friday. Steph,

stay picky. Hey all, Lisa, Lisa, love. You should do a love rap for Steph. And then Jesus Christ. I'll get careful.

You've been great. There you go. Jesus loves you, Steph. This doesn't sound like a good, is this a good freestyle? Well, skip go. Jesus loves you, Steph. This doesn't sound like a good. Is this a good freestyle beat? Well, skip ahead. Yeah, it's fine.

Okay. It's a cat, too. Hanging in the studio with Popcorn Planet. I can't even stand it. So why don't you hand me a big bottle of that bubbly? And we're going to chug it down cause you know me We got Andy Signore, Guantanamore Getting some horse, yeah, up in the place where we play

My boy Louis Lecker Yo, if you don't watch yourself, he gonna neck ya He gonna come around and he won't fucking respect ya If you don't subscribe to that nerd report I'm about to retort and drive out of beat Steph the alternate, she keeps it so neat What a treat when I'm up inside that bonus home You know that's where I wanna be, losing control

Biggest problem in the universe You know you heard it here first We'll see you next time. No one else did shit Yeah That was great That was great That was pretty fucking great I mean it was good It was good That was fucking great That was really good

Come on Let's hear it Let's do Steph rap Put the music back on. I said it was good. I lost new and man from Liverpool. I'm the queen. I'm feeling mean. Check out his pain.

Check out his pain. I didn't say it was shit. It came all the way from British oil. And I don't know how to fucking spoil. All right, there we go. Guys, don't forget if you're here to subscribe to the channel. Don't forget to get all the bonus episodes.

It says that Vito will show you some wet Q-tips. Yeah. Yeah, what about that? Hot Q-tips. It's a restaurant around here. Best final episode from Zeta. There you go. Now you're all caught up. Biggest problem in the universe. Guys, go to patreon.com slash biggest problem to get all the bonus episodes.

Please like and subscribe this episode. Dick, did you get my email showing all our top supporters? I did. I already put it up preemptively. Well, put it up now. I want everyone to know that we love them. And also because I haven't updated this thing for months. There we go.

We love all you guys. You were cold to Vito. No, we love Steph. Thank you, Steph. Thank you, Lewis. Thank you, Andy Snor were cold to Vito. No, we love Steph. Thank you, Steph. Thank you, Lewis. Thank you, Andy Sonari. Please plug yourselves. Where can we find you?

You can follow Nerd Report. Lewis, check out Nerd Report. You can check that out. I don't know what we do there. UFOs. If you believe in UFOs and supernatural phenomenons, that's Nerd Report right now. We're on fire with that. If you want to see more anal talk, you got to go to Steph the Alter Nerd on YouTube.

Yeah, where I talk about the biggest anuses in the world, Howie and Megan. Biggest anuses in the world. Yeah, Prince Howie and Megan Markle. How big is Megan Markle's bonus hole, you think? Like a horse. Boom. Yeah, as big as a vehicle.

Star Wars Sarlacc in the desert. And it's probably like a KFC bucket as well. Pretty floppy as well. You know, pretty like, like a used car. You know what I mean? Where you know,

you're like, car's proper used. I don't know, I think she's pretty hot. Like when they pop a flashlight on an exhaust pipe. Well, you'd go with anything to be fair.

She's like you, but cute. Steph, ready? Fuck, marry, kill. Prince Harry, Vito, and Dick. Oh, bloody hell, no. Yeah, fuck, marry, kill.

Vito. Prince Harry? Is he the ginger? Yeah, andito, and Dick. Oh, bloody hell, no. Yeah, fuck, marry, kill, Vito. Prince Harry? Is he the ginger? Yeah, and the ginger. Okay. Kill Prince Harry. Is that legal for you to say? Fuck and marry, Dick versus Vito.

In Minecraft. In Minecraft. In Minecraft. I got bad news for you. I'm bad with either of those. Okay. Steph, his girlfriend's watching bad with either of those. Okay. I would- Steph, his girlfriend's watching, just so you know.

Yeah. I mean, we're imagining- She's gonna- It's all allowed. Okay, okay, okay. I've been told the gonorrhea is not contagious. Piss off. Okay.

I'd fuck V.O. because it'd be a one and done thing. Thank you. And mommy. Do you want it? Do you want it? Wow. I want it. because you want it. It's because you want it. Wow. You want it. You get it.

I want it. I want it. I want it. I want it. I want it. I want it. I want it. I want it.

I want it. I want it. I want it. I want it. I want it. I want it. I want it. I want it.

I want it. I want it. I want it. I want it. I want it. I want it. I want it. I want it.

I want it. I want it. I want it. I want it. I want it. I want it. I want it. I want it.

I want it. I want it. I want it. I want it. I want it. I want it. I want it. I want it.

I want it. I want it. I want it. I want it. I want it. I want it. I want it. I want it.

I want it. I want it. I want it. I want it. I want it. I want it. I want it. I want it.

I want it. I want it. I want it. I want it. I want it. I want it. I's hear that in a rap. Go ahead. You got 150 bucks. I get one, and once I get the one, it's infinite from there on because you're going to love it. You're going to go, I can't quit this. My bonus hole is tingling. Guys, that's the show.

Thanks for coming by, and we will be at round one on Sunday. Hanging out? Saturday. Saturday. Tomorrow night. Tomorrow night. Burbank round one. Burbank round one, 7 p.m.? 7 p.m.

Look up, yeah, Popcorn Planet. Popcorn Planet. Look up the old show. Nerd Report. Subscribe to everybody. Thanks for coming by. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Good show. Done. Go.