The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 113

Episode Date: November 4, 2023

Did I just fucking miss that gold? Fuck! Can you say that again? Right off the taxes? I'm saying it helps lower your taxes. Well, yeah, because you don't have that money. Right. Why would that be good?

That's true. People like to talk about it like it's free. I'm just saying. I spent $100, so I get that. I don't have to pay $0.60 on that $100, so I get that back. You want to be investing in your business. You want to be buying equipment and forklifts. Who are you, Eric July now?

What is it with comic guys? Shut up. Just constantly buying new shit. No, we're not buying any Funko Pops for the studio. I don't buy Funko Pops. Everybody always accuses me of buy Funko Pops. Everybody always accuses me of having Funko Pops. I did get a toy this week.

That's true. What toy did you get? How exciting. The, uh, what do you call it? The Fourth Angel from Evangelion. Wow. What the fuck is that gay shit? I'm sure you're thinking,

Max. I've seen the memes of the theme song. I've never actually watched the show, though. A lot of people have not seen the show. Why is that? Why didn't you ever watch Evangelion? I was doing other things. What were you doing?

I was going outside playing sports for the most part. It's because it wasn't available for the longest time. For like 10 years, you couldn't even watch it. True. I wasn't in Japan. The rights were tied up. Do they have sports in Evangelion? Do they have sports in Evangelion? Do the kids play sports, or do they just play pedophile with each other?

No, they operate robots. You see them outside at, what do you call it, gym class? They have gym class. They have gym class. What do they do, cry and talk about their emotions in gym class? There's not that much crying in Evangelion. There's a little bit of crying. They swim. They're

swimming. Okay. So you were saying you bought some toys. What were the toys? Can we get a Vito toy roundup for the week? You want every week I can bring in a toy? You don't have to bring it in. I'm going to try to fuck with it. Just talk about bringing your haul, like pictures of your haul.

Show and tell. Yeah, your best one. Well, I was going to bring it in, but then I figured we have a guest, so I didn't want to do it this week. Is that a girl, though? What do you could bring in? I would have loved to see it. No, no, no, no, no, because we have all the Cyberfrog toys to unbox.

Hold on a second. Is this Fourth Angel? Is it the one that you construct, or is it pre-constructed? It's a pre-constructed. Oh, but I did get also it came with some Mega Man figures that you do construct. I bought those as well. Can you come on them? What can you not come on? I can't come on the Statue of Liberty.

I can't get close to that fucking bitch. That's a whole thing. What could you not come on, Max? What could I not come on? Survey says do a whip around. All this pre-show is great. What could you not come on, Max? What could I not come on? Yeah, Nick, give me, survey says, do a whip around. All this pre-show is great. Something could you not come on?

I guess the Bible. I think that that's probably. Oh, you could come on a Bible, no problem. It's more of a moral thing. I don't know if I would. I'd be afraid of God's wrath. Really? If I came on the Bible?

Yeah. Yeah, everything bad that happened to me after that point. I guess any holy text, really. The Dead Sea Scrolls. Come on the Torah part. He'd probably be cool with that then. He's like, those guys are fucking around.

Spread your seed. I guess spread your seed is in the Bible, so. And somebody's about to blow their brains out and they're reading like, they go, oh, the Gideon's Bible,

yeah, I'm gonna read a nice passage and not kill myself. Like, oh, there's cum all over it. Oh, no. You wanna hit the button and you're fucking...

Why is it sticky? What, I can't fucking finish the joke with Max that I'm talking over it! Oh, no! Why is it sticky? What? I can't fucking finish the joke with Max that I'm talking about before I have to transition? You're so busy shitting on the Bible that you can't even switch over the feed. I'm not shitting on it. I was saying it to save somebody. You said someone should come on the Torah before the show started. I'm so glad, Max, that you brought that fucking...

Hey, man, he's got to stay hydrated. Brand new. Brand new. Gallon-sized hydro flask. You know, you're supposed to put liquor in there. You're not supposed to put water in and sip on it like a giant bottle around town. I do look like a big baby.

That's fair. I think that's a power move, honestly. The big jug of water. Yeah? That's pretty badass. It's very phallic. Like Jacob Marley? I think a girl sees that and they're like, oh man, that's a guy who stays hydrated.

How come you don't do that then? Because I don't stay hydrated. Because I'm a mess. Because I'm drinking Prime. Look at you. Logan Paul's got you. How many calories, Dick, do you know? 60?

10. Wow. Count them. Can you believe it? How many of those you put down? How many of those bad boys you slugged down? Just one, maybe two. It's 20 calories.

You seen this guy's weight loss? Shut the fuck up. I don't want to call it a journey because it never really went anywhere. It's a journey. A weight loss labyrinth. You're wandering through trying to find a way out. Yes. Okay, all right.

It comes back. A labyrinth. I've been here before. That's actually very true. A labyrinth has one exit. You go in, you wind around, you don't lose any weight, you come right back out where you started with no money. I feel, look, the money's going to be hard to win.

I'll admit that. Oh, is there a bet? There's a bet. Like $900 at VitoLoses.com. How much longer do I have? Like a month or is it over? I think you have another month. Is this a weigh-in today?

Yeah, I think we got to. Actually, I think we're overdue by a week. So I think I only have three weeks left. I got to order a scale from upstairs. How are you going to do today in the weigh-in? I feel pretty good. Oh, okay. But let's put it this way.

I don't look. What was I trying to lose? 30 pounds? Yeah. What did I start at? Like 3.08? 3.10. 3.10?

10.4. Where have you been at recently? 0.6. What was my last weigh- lose? 30 pounds? Yeah. What did I start at? Like 308? 310. 310? 10.4. Where have you been at recently? 0.6, excuse me. What was my last weigh-in? Like 300? Yeah. Okay, that's 10. That's 10.

I'm down 10. See? I'm down 10. He respects my journey. Oh, yeah. That's a smile of respect that I see on his face. 10 is better than nothing. Abs are made in the kitchen, Vito.

The point is that I've made... Abs are made in the kitchen, Vito. The point is that I've made... Abs are made in the kitchen? Made in the kitchen. What does that mean? I can't wait for this weight loss contest to be over. It's mean and... Listen, as long as your diet's right... As long as the diet's right.

Right. Thank you. You're set. And that's ten calories. We had to talk him down. There's ten calories! It took us four months to talk him down to that. This is the lowest scenario right here.

Yeah, and he's just doing this for show. He doesn't drink this shit. Yes, I do. You don't drink this shit at all. I used to drink the Mountain Dew Energy drink, and I drink one every day, and now there are none remaining in my house. I bought a case of the Prime Energy.

Did you know it's vegan, which is very important. You know why it tastes good? Are you vegan? No, I'm not vegan. It's coconut water. Beef and broccoli is vegan. Coconut water. There's nothing wrong with beef and broccoli. Okay, beef and broccoli. That's probably the healthiest one. Probably the healthiest one. Mushroom chicken. Yeah, chicken teriyaki. And that's from the guy drinking out of a giant baby bottle, so he would know. All right? He knows fitness. You get a piss all the time when you're drinking out of it. Are you hungover? I'm not hungover, but I am pissing all the time when you're drinking. Are you hungover? I'm not hungover, but I am pissing all the time.

But his kidneys are cleaner than a fucking high-end stripper's bathroom. I go to bed nice, you know, and I wake up. A high-end hooker's bathroom? Yeah, man. That's a, wow. What do they have? I don't believe they have clean bathrooms, a high-end hooker. I think they do. They're probably the biggest slobs of all.

I think you bring the clientele in. You got to keep that thing clean. You know, it's part of the experience. To your home? Yeah. High-end hookers. I think they do. They're probably the biggest slobs of all. I think you bring the clientele in. You got to keep that thing clean. You know, it's part of the experience. To your home? Yeah. High-end hookers coming to my house, man. I'm not going to that bitch's fucking... You think she goes home and she's just...

...Coke Shack in North Hollywood. Honey, let me... Oh, yeah. Let me go to your place. That's why I'm paying three grand to drive. I'd hope there's a part of the budget that's for the Airbnb, right? There's a third location. There you go.

You're not going directly to her spot, not going to yours. Third location. With like a shitty bed. Like a twin-sized bed that you can fucking three pounds It's nice enough where you're not sus, but dirty enough where you're like, okay, I know what I'm here to do. The point is, the beef and broccoli prime lifestyle is the only diet

endorsed by Vito Gisrolli. It's awful. Who lost a weight, who lost $900 because he couldn't stop drinking sugar is the only diet endorsed by Vito Gisrolli. It's awful. It's awful. Who lost a weight, who lost $900 because he couldn't stop drinking sugar. Man, we got to get that thing up to a grand. Vitoloses.com. It's got to be a Vito lost $1,000. Can there be a Vito loses part two

or maybe we change the parameters? You want to double it? What, and then I got to pay the audience $900? It's at $900 right now. If the audience agrees to it. Maybe we'll do triple, and if you lose, you got to pay them. You got to double it? What, and then I got to pay the audience $900? It's at $900 right now. If the audience agrees to it. Maybe we'll do triple, and if you lose, you got to pay them. You got to pay me $1,000. Why am I going to pay you?

I should pay the audience. If he doesn't win, Max, if he doesn't win, all that money is going to Hamas. Oh, Jesus. Please don't give the money to Hamas. I'm doing it. That's not part of it. Man, now you got to win, man. Now you got to do it.

That's not part of it. You don't care about those dead kids there? Can we do this fucking stupid show? All right, let's go. Guys. Perfect start. You're going to have a great show. Going to have a good time on the biggest problem in the universe.

Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe. on that. The universe! Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe. The only show that ranks every problem in the universe, from stingy prescription doctors to deep state shooting proctors. Welcome. I'm Wollstone. I'm your host, Nick Masterson.

Joining me as always is Vito Gisualdi. Hi. Our guest, Value Select, Max Renner. Please introduce yourself. I don't know. I'm bad at introductions. Hey, how's it going? I'm Max Renner.

I make videos on the internet as Value Select, and some of them are good. Some of them pretty great YouTube channel. Yes is the primary primary outlet YouTube is the primary outlet, but I don't make any money on YouTube I make it on That's a similar situation us. Yeah That's why Vito's trying to cram all these ads in people's faces, because he wants to get more money. Well, do you put any ads on the videos? Not, no.

Not even at the front? Why, why? They suck. They suck. Especially when you're- All right, all right. You guys are more established, right? No, no, no, no, no.

He doesn't want to put ads on anything. Maybe you've earned it. People's time is valuable. When you're trying to make a good impression. Vito has no respect for people's time like I do. He's got respect for his own time. Look, I respect people's time. I think that part of the economy

of YouTube is that ads are occasionally placed on videos. Yeah. Okay. Every YouTube viewer is used to that part of the experience. Yeah. I don't know why we can't put a couple ads. You know, Tony from Act of Movies showed me how many ads He puts on his videos

And his audience is sitting through like a hundred ads I just want to put on like one ad Yeah but watching Tony The ad would be a relief from his content Honestly Oh man I gotta go to the bathroom What kind of ads are we talking about?

Is it like the in-sponsored ads? ZipRecruiter, whatever YouTube wants. I will say it's real talking about how many babies are getting killed and stuff. They had that ad. Keeping the mood light. You have ads on your Rumble streams now. I saw that trying to get... What were those ads for?

They put, I don't know, some rabbi at the end of my episode. It was like, Hey, don't go anywhere. Oi, that dick. Oi, hey, that dick. He was saying a lot of crazy stuff, but at Rumble, we don't agree with that at all. No one who runs our company agrees with any of that specifically. Were you saying some things that you think the Rumble advertisers would not agree with?

I just do it in a Jewish mom's voice so they tune it out, and I get slipped by it. I go, and then 10,000 Palestinians are dead, and then all the lawyers at Rumble are like, oh, God, I don't want to listen. It's giving me flashbacks from my mom. I don't want to listen to that. Just normal jokes and jabs like that.

Yeah. What's wrong with that? I want to get a sponsor for this show. You know who I want to get for a that? I want to get a sponsor for this show. You know who I want to get for a sponsor? I want to get a testosterone company, and I'm going to tell everybody that they're better than the testosterone company that wouldn't give me testosterone, who I'm still in contact with.

And I'm going to tell them. I'm going to say, you know, I have a podcast that goes out to, like, thousands of people, and you wasted six months of my time. So don't try to get your testosterone from Hone, H-O-N-E. They will jerk you around and waste your life. Instead, go to our sponsor who is yet to be determined. Now I'm going to Hone, though, because you don't have a replacement. So right here, if you're a testosterone person,

your ad could be right here being promoted on the show. Think about that. What are you trying to get testosterone for? I want to be a manly man. You look like a manly man. I need gender affirming drugs. I want to affirm my gender. Just say you're a woman and you're in sex change.

You want to be a man. Well, then they'll give it to you immediately because they know it's a mental health crisis. Yeah. Yeah. They'll go, well, I don't want this man to come to harm. Woman. Well, woman becoming a man. Jesus Christ.

No, but you're not until you get on the drugs. No, you are once you decide that you are, and then the drugs just affirm it. Ooh, wow. Can I say something? Yes. Yeah. Mental health biceps. Yeah?

Let's do it. Yeah? Mental health biceps. I think the biceps are going to get me there. What's your favorite video that you've done, Max? My favorite video that I've ever done, Genius Wow, He Figured It Out. Okay. I did it maybe a month ago,

and it's about how everybody idolizes philosophers who live really shitty lives and are really sad and then kill themselves. That's true. And then decades down the line, all the academics are going like, this guy, he figured something out. We've got to teach everybody to live this way.

Yeah. Same inputs, same results. And the channel is youtube.com slash value select TV. Is that correct? That's correct, yeah. Guys, I want you all to subscribe to youtube.com slash value select TV. What? Oh, yeah.

I know the YouTube game, man. It's hard to get people to subscribe. You got to beg. Man, do you complain about YouTube as much as every other YouTube I've ever met? Fucking hell. They're just always whining about algorithms and shit. Because it sucks. It's a shitty way to try and make money.

The rules change constantly. I can't talk about Star Wars anymore. Oh, whatever. I can't fucking go get a real job. The game is a game. You just want to be as interesting as possible. You know, to cut through the noise. There are different things.

You could, you know, change tack to adopt to certain strategies, but I think as long as you have something novel. I just want to talk about Star Wars forever because I'm lazy. That's a good strategy too, right? I think you're going to lose a lot of people that way. Yeah, I know. People lose interest. People were happy this week, though, with me shitting all over Marvel.

Has anyone ever told you that you sound like a retarded Casey Kasem? I don't even know who that is. I kind of hear it. Who's Casey Kasem? Oh my God, right? He does sound like Casey Kasem. He's one of the most famous radio voices in the world. Probably the most famous radio voice of all time.

What year is this? Top of the pop, 70s. There's also the voice of Shaggy on Scooby-Doo. Go like, and this next song goes out to Hey, this top ten is going out to Null from Vito. That's pretty good.

That is some Casey Kasem in there. Give us super chat dedications for retarded Casey Kasem over here. Yeah, what do you want Casey Kasem to say? It looks like someone's saying, my wife and I love Valley Select. Seen his show in Philadelphia. Thanks for coming on to my favorite podcast. He hasn't even heard Casey Kasem and he's doing Casey Kasem.

I know you heard Casey Kasem. I'm a young lad. You're doing Casey Kasem. I don't know him. This next one's coming out. I guess it just is. That's horrible. Just, that's horrible. Just a radio voice.

But no, but he was the progenitor of all that. That's why everyone knows that voice. He said that accent. Is that what you're saying? Was he Canadian, Casey Kasem? I think so. I think he was Canadian. All right, let's do this.

All right, we're going to see who won last week. Doctors who don't give drugs. That was mine. Yeah, that was a good problem. Thank you. Objectively, in quotes. That was mine. Yeah, that was a good problem. Thank you. Objectively, in quotes, that was yours. Then mass shootings

should be much higher, but okay. Well, but then now, this week, it's not really a big problem. But objectively, and doctors don't give you drugs are still a big problem. The mass shooting went by the wayside. What's the last one? People expecting Jews not to support Israel.

I don't know why that problem was considered so controversial. I re-listened to the show. I think terrorism is why. Well, I'm just saying, I see Jewish people and they like Israel, and I don't know why everyone's so confused by that. It makes sense to me. I don't want to get into it again. If there was a state full of fat guys who like steak and a bad diet,

well, that's America. There's 30 states full of fat guys who like steak. I'm saying if there was a religious state, a one-time, a one-stop shop that worshipped for all us fat idiots. Trans fats? Yeah, exactly, for trans fat worshippers. No one would question if you... No one would question my support of that state.

Their right to defend themselves. To protect all their delicious meats and cheeses. What if they killed like 10,000 people? Well, that's their religion, man. Okay, Joshua Lewis said, Veto and testosterone. I don't know why I'm helping him. Because he's just going To not take this advice

Correctly and continue Being dumb About his health Wow thanks But legend.st.com Legend.st Even the GH is legit I don't know what that is

Wait what is it I've tested it before It's too late I already said it I can't Alright well We lost it He'll still find a way

To fuck it up Cause he loves being A fat idiot Sent from my iPhone. So he typed that all out. Thanks, man. Legend-st.com. Legend-st.com.

I did get a lot of advice. Okay. Cool Hand James says, Vito, pretending to be doing 30 minutes of exercise every day is the funniest bit the show has ever done. Shut up. You know what I did before I came over here? Pretended to do exercise? I did not pretend to do exercise. I did exercise because I knew we're going to do a weigh-in today.

So what, were you sweating it out real fast? Yeah, I was trying to make weight. Wow. No wonder you're so peppy. Feel good. Feeling good. You got to stream it. Feeling good.

I've thought about streaming it, but no one wants to see a fat guy's fat. What do these sessions look like? What are you doing? I just get on an exercise bike and I just play. He sits there and plays video games. What? It's still a something. Going down the mountain.

It's better than nothing. It's better than whatever Boogie's doing, okay, which is also, you know, probably fucking his girlfriend and then getting tired after 10 minutes and rolling over and taking a nap. I hope he doesn't fuck that poor girl. He must be. Oh, man. I mean, I love women with daddy issues, but that's too many. That's too many.

How is Boogie a dad? He doesn't give me dad vibes at all. Was your dad that sad? What's your definition of a dad? What follows that criteria? I don't know. A guy who's kind of got, like, something figured out. You're saying that she sees him as a dad?

Yeah. You think she's the daddy in this situation? No, no, no. She sees him as a daddy. Right. But I think when girls with daddy issues, typically you seek out guys who, like... Are fucked up. Oh, yeah.

Very fucked up. Fucked up, but, like, in a way that, like... I don't know. I can... I don't fucking know. Well, they are all looking for their dad, but the one with up. Fucked up, but like in a way that like, I don't know. I can, I don't fucking know. Well, they are all looking for their dad, but the one with daddy issues is like, well, my dad was gone and he beat the hell out of me and he was a drunk and he spent all his money on magic guards and stuff like that. So you think they want another drunk dad?

I thought they went looking for like a replacement dad who's better than the previous dad. No, they're all looking for exactly the same dad. They're not that complicated. Yeah. Did you see that documentary? The Boogie documentary? No, I didn't. Do you know Boogie? Boogie2988? He's the big fella. He's the big fella.

He's the big fella with the dentures. What are you looking at? I'm just making sure my... He was gonna box, right? He was training to box? He did box. He did box. And the first five minutes... The King Star raped him. Well, what?

Monetarily wise? Yeah, he only got 10 grand. Stupidly. Why didn't he just let me negotiate? You know? He should let a lot of people... Or Frank Hassel. He should have let Frank Hassel negotiate his boxing deal with the King Star.

Well, I thought it was 20 grand. Was it 10 grand? He said 10 in the documentary. And all of that money went towards the training and the drunks and the flights and the meal. It was funny because he showed the categories. It was like meals, 2,500 bucks. I'm like, wait, how did a fourth of the money go to food? What the fuck are you eating?

I have not finished watching the Boogie documentary. What part are you at? The beginning, I guess. What the beginning i guess what the hell what about the girl that comes in when that girl comes in this 18 year old girl's dating him when she came in i had to pause it and go throw up for about four hours so gross yeah what's ryan she's tiny she just looks so damaged you're like oh you're like this is damaged She's 20 years old and Boogie's what? 45? 50 I thought All I know is that

Look I don't wish harm on Boogie I want Boogie to figure his shit out Why? I don't know man I don't want anyone to be miserable It's his own choices I know it's his own choices And then he rips on his friends

In the documentary He's like He's got all his friends over And he like Buys them food And they're like You know You just

You don't have to do that And he's like Saying how none of them Have girlfriends It's like What the fuck What is this Why don't you stand up

And slap his fucking mouth shut I just Look I know He's You know He's got mental issues I think

Yeah He was raised In an abusive situation. Yeah, his dad jacked him off or something. Well, we don't have to get into that. Do they talk about that in the documentary? I'm sure they do. Some sexual abuse or something. He's like, we've heard all this shit before.

I just, I get, I'm like, look, I want this guy to figure his life out and be a happy guy. But he does this, like this very blatant emotional manipulation. Even the promotion of the documentary, I've been like, just don't do this. This is going to come out and everybody's going to hate me. Yeah, he keeps posting. He's like, once this documentary about me comes out, you guys are going to see what a big piece of shit I am. And no one's going to like me anymore. Oh, no, Boogie, no.

No, Boogie, we still like you. It's like, dude, it's so transparent. Well, you know, my life's going to be over once this documentary comes out, but hey, I've had a good run, and I'm like, Boogie, I know what, we all know what you're doing. You're trying to get everybody to go, no, Boogie, it's okay, everybody makes mistakes, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Just like, you don't need to fish for that.

You're going to get that regardless. Don't even fish for it. Get a job, you tub of shit. How about that? Well, get a fucking job You fat You lard ass waste Is there a part in the documentary Where he tries to get a job And he has like

He says he's too good for it He's too good for it Oh man That's a reverse sympathetic thing right there Too good for it? Yeah I know a lot of guys Who are too good for jobs

And you know They drive Uber They're called bums Yeah well they're called bums Either way Let's crowdfund a couple refrigerator boxes, and we could build a nice little house for Boogie when he's homeless. We're never getting that guy on the show.

I'm going to go bid on the foreclosure of his house so I can burn it down and piss on the ashes. I also didn't want to watch the documentary. I'll fuck his girlfriend in that tub and then burn it to the ground. Leave Boogie's girlfriend out of it, that poor girl. She's on TV. She's got enough that she's dealing with in my book. She wants the abuse.

I'm giving her what she wants. You guys don't get it at all. I'm giving them what they want. You guys are not giving them what they want. You're right. All Tony Soprano wanted was to be judged once. But he wants to be abused. I mean, you're very right.

He definitely craves this abuse for some reason. God. The internet's the best place to do it. Yeah. He craves weird sympathy for his situation. Oh, you guys are really going to hate me when this comes out. I wish everyone would just go, yeah, we do hate you. And he goes, wait, that's not what I wanted you to react.

I don't know, man. All right, 805. I hope he's doing well. Here we go. Code and Lucif. Initially, when Vito was trying to explain the meaning of objective, he used it to mean universally true. Oh, I don't care about any of that.

Neither do I. Ryan Gay says, What I got from Vito is that the TRT doctor is telling him he has heart disease, and if he takes TRT, it's very likely he will have a heart attack. That's just my guess. I don't have heart disease. I have fatty liver. Probably.

You want to put some money on that heart? Okay, well, I have the normal amount of fat guy heart disease. How's that? You think I got a blocked valve? What do you think? Let me get a good look at you. You're not a doctor. Leave me alone.

Shut the fuck up. Should have never done this weight loss challenge because it's become 90% of the fucking year. Well, hey, I don't know if you guys noticed, but Vito's still fat. Wow, what an excellent insight. Thank you, fucking caller. That's the one thing you were in control of. Not being fat anymore. I'm making steps.

I've made lifestyle changes. You're literally not. That's the problem. I was at 310, and I'm not at 310 anymore. So I've done something right. You were doing your magic weight loss drug that month that you did well, and then you stopped doing it. And then I stopped doing it.

Have you seen Ralph? Have you seen how skinny Ralph is? Ralph's trapped in Mexico. He's got nothing else to do. Oh, excuses. Ralph's in Mexico. I am in America, the land of plenty. I can't lose weight like Ralph. Also, America

has better food. There's plenty of food. Ralph can't quit drinking alcohol to lose that weight. All you had to do was quit drinking Mountain Dew. I'm going to catch up to Ralph. Ralph's probably got a better metabolism than me. Where's Ralph at right now? And who is Ralph? Ethan Ralph.

He's a man who does a... He's still doing a daily live stream? He's a Mexican-American. He hasn't streamed for a while. I don't know what he's doing. He lost a shitload of weight. He must have lost 80 pounds. Skinny. He's looking skinny. Does that include

the weight of the children that he lost? Or? Come on. This fucking guy tells me I can't pick on people, but he's picking on people non-stop. That's a riff. Non-stop he picks on people. I'm just fucking around. I don't want on people, but he's picking on people nonstop. That's a riff. Nonstop he picks on people. I'm just fucking around.

I don't want Ralph, you know. It's a sad situation. I'm just fucking around, too. I know. Why do I get the feeling that's going to get close? It's not a sad situation, either. Fuck that. You lost 80 pounds.

Fucking sayonara. 30 pounds around a plane. Back to 10 pounds. I'm the only guy that can celebrate it, I guess. All right. I hope Ralph's. Ralph does look very good, and he's kicking ass. I hope he...

He's got... It looks like he's got a new lease on life. Yes. Good for him. Scamrick says, the Scott Adams Ebony Alerts was gold. Fiend for Peen says, there's a new beverage you could try called Water Vito. It's like zero calories. It's basically water.

It's basically. Okay. Yeah. I know. And then Jedi Knight of the Snyder Cut says, Another subscriber here. Thanks to Eric July. Yes.

Thank you. Yes. Eric got a big win today. Whoa. The Mark Miller tweet, you mean? Yeah, because some big comic retard said. I don't know if you'd say that about Mark Miller. Who's that? Do you not know

who Mark Miller is? I know like sports and stuff. I know. But picture books, drawings. I can name a couple that you would know. I don't know who. Kick-Ass would be one you know. That movie sucked. Well, you made the comic. You didn't make the movie. Comic must have sucked if the movie sucked. I believe Kingsman. the Kingsman movies are based On his work fuck is that the one where that they're like going first call you killing a bunch of people look dumb I didn't see that shit Wanted remember that movie I was being a jelly the other one where you can bend bullets that was gay as hell bending bullets around stupid stupid

Basically, what are you shooting? Dumb next Stupid. Stupid. What? What are you shooting? Like, wiggling around? Dumb. Next. What else? Stupid. It made more sense. So this motherfucker doesn't know jack shit about nothing.

Is that what you're saying? Gay. Gay. Three gays strikes you out. He said Eric July, he didn't even give him a compliment. He was like, oh, it's really something what he put together. Yeah. Oh, no. That's the worst kind.

He said, I've just read his book, and wow, can you believe it? For a first try. You go, oh, that's like one of those compliments. It's not really a compliment, you know? That's what my mom says about me in our Christmas letter. Dick's really put something together. He's doing his best. Can we talk about the memberships real quick?

Or do we want to save it? If you want to, I don't know. I kind of want to. We'll probably talk about it in the Super Chats. All right, we can talk save it? Do you want to? I don't know. I kind of want to. We'll probably talk about it in the Super Chats. All right, we can talk about it in the Super Chats. All right. I want to remind everybody,

if you want to get Eric Joliet's new comic, don't forget to sign up as a Ripaverse member. We should do a Mac level. We should do a Mac level. Let's do one Mac level. $100 a month.

It's limited to one person. You're the Ultra Mac. Yeah. And you get nothing because that's what Eric Joliet... We'll give you wallpapers. How's that? You could buy... Desktop wallpac. Yeah. And you get nothing because that's what Eric's like. We'll give you wallpapers. How's that? You could buy desktop wallpapers.

I'll email you the episode 10 minutes before I post it. The Ultramac. How about you get a hat and whoever's the Ultramac for that month, you have to fight over the Ultramac status and whoever gets it, then you got to ship them the hat. No, I'm not shipping stuff. No, they have to ship the hat. They have to send each other the hat?

Like the Stanley Cup? Yeah, exactly. Okay, that's fine. That's pretty funny. So who's this stupid moron that you were talking about who wrote these shitty comics that no one's ever even heard of? Oh, Mark Miller? Is that who said that? I don't think that was his name, was it? I'm pretty sure it was Mark Miller, dude.

Because he's like a weird moron as well. He makes a lot of weird edgelord type comic shit. We got the fucking Toe Man 2 is involved now. We don't have time for this. We don't have time for any of this. Do the problems. We're going to do the actual show.

Okay, we're going to do the show. Max, we do a show here. I'm appreciating the banter. There's a lot of deep lore. The banter is dog shit. You guys are deep? I'm right here right now. How many feuds are you in?

What was that? How many feuds are you in? Yeah, what's your biggest YouTube feud right now? Biggest YouTube feud? I got zero, man. Oh, man. See, he's playing the game right. He doesn't fight with anybody.

People come at me with negativity. I'm like, where's that coming from? Where's that coming from? He's one of these YouTube guys who just has a happy channel. He has fun. He doesn't have a bunch of haters who come and fuck with him all day day long like i have keeping the good vibe like i have yeah veto said veto said veto said recently he tweeted this and he deleted it and he doesn't know that i saw it wait what what did he say he said i would love for eric july to come fight us at a live show i didn't delete

that yes you did i know that if you may have reped it, but you deleted the first version that I saw and said this tweet has been deleted because he said us, not me. He didn't say, I would love Eric July to come fight. I would love that big black guy to come fight me. It was us. Oh, us. Is it? I have a problem where I usually include people that shouldn't be included in a tweet.

What is that problem called in this instance? The royal we. Is that the problem? Okay. If Eric July showed up at a live show, it would be hilarious. Yeah, it would be great. To confront us and fight us. He's doing shooting motions. Yeah, he wants to kill Riley.

Okay, so my problem, Dick, because I am the winner. If you want to give me a drum roll there. Idea guys. Okay. Oh, here we go. These are guys who have an idea. Okay. And they won't shut up about it, or they're way too fucking precious about it.

So I was telling you a story recently. We had some guests. I didn't want to tell you because someone will steal it. Yeah, yeah. We had Bo Blacks and Turkey Tom come on the show. I don't know if you're familiar with those gentlemen. This is how you start beefs, by the way. He's going to give you a lesson on how to start beefs.

Oh, there's no, this is all friendly. It's just, Bo Blacks is a autistic child. Okay. And what is he, like 19 or something? I don't know. Loves Sonic the Hedgehog, as many autistic children do. Uh-huh. And he was over, and we did a show, and it was fun.

Mm-hmm. And then after the show, somehow we're talking about video games we like, you know? Yeah. And he goes, oh, I got a great idea for a video game. Mm-hmm. He goes, I've been thinking about it for a long time. I got a great idea. It would be the best video game ever.

He's autistic. He's been thinking about it for a long time. Something's a great idea. It would be the best video game ever. He's autistic. He's been thinking about it for a long time. Something's not right about that. And I'm like, okay, well, that's fascinating. I'm all ears. I love hearing new ideas. And he goes, I can't tell

you. I'm like, what do you mean? You just told me you have an idea for the best video game ever. I'd love to hear it. He's like, yeah, it's one of those things where it's such a good idea yeah that if I told people I'm worried somebody's gonna steal it right yeah and I started laughing really hard cause I went

I never thought someone would actually say that to me in real life I thought that was a joke you would probably you might steal it though like you stole Superkiller from Invincible I did steal I do steal ideas all the time. Here's the thing. I hear good ideas, and I recognize them as good ideas.

But good ideas are a dime a dozen. There's a million good ideas. That's the problem, is that there's so many good ideas that any good idea that you have, probably 100 people had that idea before you, right? Yeah. Have you ever, do your parents ever give you their ideas for TV shows? Oh, all the time.

Yeah, they do that. I still get calls. Max, I thought of a funny sketch you could do. Are you up? No. I thought of a great show. So there's a guy, he's at the grocery store, and he's looking for something, and it's not there. So is that it?

Is that the idea? He's like, yeah, it's hilarious. Yeah. Oh, is this a Ralph's? Your mother tells me that. Man. And they tell me not to call you. She tells me not to call you,

but I thought I'd share it anyways because I think it's a keeper. Yeah. That's the thing about LA, man. A lot of people got ideas, right? Yeah. Everybody's got ideas. Everybody's got ideas,

and nobody understands that their ideas are worthless and probably shitty. Okay. But they treat them like they're like, oh, man. Like, when I was like, hey, we should try pitching a Biggest Problem TV show, right? Right. I was like, but in my mind, I go, this is just one of many hundreds of ideas that I might have. And I'm not, like, dedicated to it.

Like, I don't even think anything is going to come of it. But here, it's an idea. And if it doesn't work, then we have other ideas. There's other things we can do. It's on cost for them. Yeah. That is their only idea. They've been holding on to it for 10 years.

And if it comes out as bad, then they are retarded. Well, yeah. Another problem is the people who have the idea, and then they're just sitting on it forever. And you're like, well, you got to. If you're not going to. Like Super Killer. No, it's happening. It's fucking forever, and you're like, well, you gotta... Like Super Killer. No, it's happening.

It's fucking forever, man. Super Killer is happening, though. Yeah. It is happening. See, I take ideas, and I do put them into practice, right? It's just taking... Like, I had the idea of doing a cut-out mouth Carl. I did it right away.

Okay, but that's... It was a huge hit. That's different because you can do that in two seconds. The comic book... You don't think you write a comic book in two seconds? No. Oh, fucking Finglor. Looks like a gay guy.

He's dancing around. Has a big fight. Fucking stupid. There's more to it than that. Wow, and there's some kind of thing. He thought he was going to get killed, and then he produces a fucking golden dildo. Yeah. There he goes.

Well, I'd say a good example of when you write things like that is Eric July, a guy with a lot of ideas and not putting a lot of thought into them and maybe should have done a bit more planning. Those ideas suck. Yeah, some ideas suck. Alpha Corpus is on sale on Monday. Do you see that? The new Eric July comic book, Alpha Core, will be available on Monday, yes.

Wow. Okay. And become a Ripaverse membership. $9.99 monthly. It's a monthly membership. For what? For you will get access to the pre-order campaign 30 minutes before it goes live for everyone else. Okay.

When is that happening? Sounds like a grift. Well, $10 a month and you get 30 minutes of pre-order access. I don't know how you would pass up on an opportunity like that. You could call his wife. She puts the order in. That's the appeal. 30 minutes.

I don't think you get to talk to Mrs. July. You beat off and then right when you call, then you take it. Mac! Mac! Call me a Mac! Call me an Ultra Mac! The point is that most ideas have already been thought of. What really matters is the execution.

If you got an idea, either you do something with it or you don't. But just keeping it in a little pocket and talking about what a great idea it is is a waste of everyone's time. But you're like sitting on this comic forever, like telling people how to execute ideas. Why do you have to bring it back to the comic? Because it's so funny. I'm executing on the comic. That is happening. Yeah, thank you.

I took it and I manifested it into reality. A guy is... We are working on it. There are multiple guys working on it including myself. Is there a part of you that resonates with the big idea guy? Is there a part of me that's like, here's the big idea guy and I'm excited about it? Sympathetic.

Like you're sympathetic to pedophiles. I'm not sympathetic to pedophiles. Shut the fuck up. Why not? You said that they deserve mental health care. I'm sympathetic to the mentally ill. You're sympathetic to Hamas. I'm not sympathetic to Hamas. They're just trying to do their best. I mean, you bring up a good point

though, which is that everybody has got a million ideas, right? Yeah. So why would you ever steal somebody else's idea? Because it's not your idea. It's not interesting. It's funny, though. Man, could you imagine how stupid they would look on their face?

It's like, that was my fucking idea. I told you. That's a fantasy of mine to hear somebody say that. I'm going to 100% steal that idea. But even if you do steal their idea, your execution of it is going to be different from how they would have executed on it. So they could still even make theirs and it would still be different from yours.

Yeah, but they wouldn't think that. Unlike Eric, who stole the idea for ISOM from the International School of Ministry. So that was an idea where he stole it and thankfully they're... It's like how I came up with the idea for this show where we rank problem. Yeah, and you came up with that idea yourself.

And that was your big idea. Yeah, I guess. Dick would never steal anyone else's idea or execute upon it. Okay, so what big ideas do you have? Big ideas. Max? Oh, man, I got none. If you had a big budget,

if I told you I'm going to give you $10 million for your dream project, would you have one? I do have a dream project. It's not going to be funny. It doesn't need to be funny. It's the idea of a... So it's a true story. The CIA hired a magician back in, I think, the 80s,

maybe the 50s. I'm not sure the exact time frame. To teach the CIA magic tricks. Okay. Yeah. So my idea is kind of a derivation of that. It's a guy, he's in the 80s, and he gets drafted by the CIA to train them in Russia during the Cold War. To train the CIA

in Russia? Yeah, because there's a big bomb that's about to go off, and the CIA agents need no deception to be able to... Right, they need no sleight of hand. Why is it in Russia? Because that's where the bombs are. Does he have to go to Russia to train them? He can't train them in America?

He can't train them over the phone. No, he's got to bring all those bag of tricks. So they're already stationed in Russia. They're like secret agents. Why don't you put the bomb in America? Oh, man, because he gets stranded. I guess it's a bad advice. He goes over there and he's going to teach them Look at you giving notes already Well I mean

Put the bomb in the US That's scary You don't give a fuck You're Dick Masterson I was just blowing out Then he could call The National Guard Or something like that

Here he's over there And what happens is Before he can even teach them They all get gunned down They all die And he's the only one Who's left alive Just a regular magician

He's the only one Who knows that the bomb's about to go off. So he has to use his shitty magic tricks to fool the KGB and defuse the bomb. Defuse the bomb within Russia or are they going to launch a strike on America? They got a secret strike. They're about to launch from Russia. See, it would be saving America. Yeah. It's going to save America.

So the bomb's flying over here. It's a flying bomb. It's about to. Yeah. Okay. You didn't say that part. Okay. Now that's scary.

America has to be at risk, otherwise we go, I don't care if a bunch of Russians die. And then when they say who they're bombing, have them turn to the camera and go, your town. Where is it going to? That's my big idea for movies, is when it comes to life. Once we have AI technology, you can just do that. Yeah. They'll be able to change the lips and AI technology, you can just do that. Yeah. They'll be able to change the lips and the, where's it going? Cleveland, Ohio.

No, I don't want that. I want it to look right at you and kind of like your mom. I'm going to fuck your mom. Oh shit. Stop that guy. Fucking stop that guy. I'll turn into a black guy in the movies. Fucking stop that.

Get him. Get him. Get that guy. And see how he gave away his big idea and he's not worried about anyone stealing it? No, not at all. Because it's his idea. I'm going to steal it. No, you're not going to steal it.

I'm going to write that movie and get Randy. I hope so. I'm going to angrily steal it. I've also, I've had people have great ideas and I go, yeah, but if I wanted to execute on that idea, I would want to do it with that guy. Like Nick Riccata has a great idea for a cookbook. And I'm like, I'm like, oh man, he wants to do a cook. guy. Like Nick Riccato has a great idea for a cookbook. And I'm like, what is it? Oh, man.

He wants to do a cookbook. Well, see, now I'm worried. I'm like, can I give away his great idea? But I'm going to do it anyway. He told you privately? I think so. Oh, man. That's on him for trusting you.

Is it the format of the cookbook that's the big idea or the recipes? I think it probably already exists. There's only so many ways you can fry an egg. Yeah. You know what? It's his project. Plug up your so many ways you can fry an egg. Yeah. You know what? It's his project. With a plug up your ass is a new way to do it. With a bottle up your ass is the way Nick wants to do it.

I would feel bad if he didn't want me to say it, so I'd have to ask him if he'd be okay. What about your friend Rick Nikita? Has he given you any ideas? Rick Nikita has a lot of great ideas as well. So now I don't know what the cookbook thing is? Talk to Nick Nikita. I don't want to sit through an explanation of his big idea. Come on. I don't know what the cookbook thing is? Talk to Nick Riccata. I don't want to ask. I don't want to sit through an explanation of his big idea. Come on.

I'll tell you after the show. Then I can't talk about it on the show. Then I'll be in your spot. Well, it's his idea. I don't want to spoil it, but it was a great idea, and I keep being, in the back of my mind, I keep thinking about it. I'm like, man, if he, I want to do that. I hope he does it, you know? It's like one of those things, but I wouldn't take it from him

because now, you know, what's the point? Is it a comic book cookbook? No, it's not a comic book cookbook. It's like a law cookbook. It's like legal stuff because he's a lawyer. You know, it would make sense. A law cookbook? Well, I can't explain it. I don't want to give it away.

Which I know brings a damper to this fucking exciting. Dick, what's your big idea? What's the big idea here? Dick has no dreams left. Anytime I ask Dick... Kidnapping a bunch of kids and then putting them in storage containers. Giving them cell phones and having them start a Call of Duty mobile league. And then doing like, if you guys are better, audit the Federal Reserve or else I'm going to, you know,

you're never going to see these kids again. Dick refuses to dream big. That's a pretty big dream. That's a pretty big dream, right? That is a big idea. That one keeps me going. If I'm ever too upset, I just go, well, I can always do that. Do you have a vision board that just outlines how you're going to do it?

I'm just joking. You got to dream bigger, Masterson. Then getting rid of the Federal Reserve? That's pretty big. Well, that's not going to happen. That's pretty big. I'm just saying, you know. But then I see all these Hamas guys, it's like 10,000 kids.

I'm like, well, maybe they wouldn't even care. Jeez. What, if you killed all the kids? Yeah, maybe they were just going to be like, you know, fuck it, do it. We don't give a shit. That's your big idea. I got to deal with all these kids. That's my movie.

A guy who does that, and then he's like, all right, now I gotta deal with all these fucking kids, right? Like the Brady Bunch. Well, he's like Steve Martin casted as the lead, right? Yeah.

Like Daddy Daycare. Oh, man. Oh, God. This one's gotta go to jazz practice. This one's gotta go to jazz practice. What are you there,

Dad? Funny story. Started off as hostages, ended up as a home somebody i was supposed to take him home but it turns out we already are what what what somebody sent me a message for the show what does it say oh god i can't remember what's the name of your book men are better than women yeah what's the name of your second book i don't have a second book.

Well, they said you were working on one at one point. Oh, yeah, I quit that. The Not Safe for Women book? Yeah. Yeah. Not Safe for Women, that was it. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they said every time you give me shit about where my book is,

I'm supposed to ask you, where's Not Safe for Women at? Yeah, that's a... Why'd you give up on that? Because books aren't... Books were like a meme thing. Yeah. When I wrote Men Are Better Than Women, it was like a, you know, protest purchase. The book was the meme.

There wasn't, like, the internet wasn't, you know, like it is now. It's a different landscape. Yeah, now books are... They're everywhere. Why don't you do it as a comic? Like all these other exciting influencers are doing. I don't want to. Maybe I'll do a comic. Maybe. I think you should do a comic at this point. I'll do it as a comic like all these other exciting influencers are doing i don't want to maybe i'll do a comic maybe i think you should do a comic at this point they'll do it after super killer

they pulled you in so i can so you can wait forever i can gloat super killers coming out yeah it was just like ah this feels like how much of it did you end up writing or did you just like i wrote a full book's worth but but it's just not any good. I'd rather do podcasts or books now. I mean, what's the point after Fuck Whales made billions, right? Yeah. You look at that success, and you go, did Maddox even do any book tours with that book? Yeah, I don't know.

Maybe. Five people show up, try to get it signed? Probably not. Point is, everybody's got an idea. Who the fuck did Texas do that? Somebody. I'm going to find out. Probably not. Point is, everybody's got an idea. Who the fuck texted you that? Somebody. I'm going to find out. Tell them I'm going to find out. About his fucking book. It's Tony, probably. It wasn't Tony.

I'm going to find... I'll get Tony's first. They're like, every time Dick gives you shit about your book, I get so mad because I'm going, well, what about his fucking book? And I'm like, ah, that's a good point. I'm going to see who that is. No, you're not looking at my fucking emails. You were looking through my mail upstairs. I'm going to look through your fucking phone.

Okay, there's mail upstairs that has my name on it. If it has my name on it. How would you know? Unless you were going through the mail. It's on the outside of the fucking envelope. It was sitting on the table. But you still aren't allowed to just, like, be looking around at my mail to see where it's from or who it's going to. Okay.

Who's on that? Who sent you that? I can't even find the message now. I'll look up, what's the name of the book again? Women Are Bad. I got all kinds of ways to see stuff on your phone in here. For women. I don't know if it was here or on Twitter.

I didn't write it. It's not safe for women. I didn't. You don't have to look it up. I'll tell you. I didn't write it. Well, that was. I don't know why you're looking at your fucking phone.

I'm looking at who said... I'm searching because they said, please ask Dick how not safe for women... Did he tell you to say that? He also said, ask him how the silly pants ice skating routine are coming along. Every time you miss this golden opportunity

to shut him up, I have an autistic meltdown and cry myself to sleep. I told you I would do the silly pants skating routine if my Patreon was above $20,000, and it's not. It's close. If you want me to do the silly pants skating routine, go to patreon.com slash the dick show.

A lot of excuses. And put some money in the coffer. All I know is that when I have an idea, execute. Execute. Get it done. If I had $70,000, that book would be done today yeah but you would have a shitty artist and it wouldn't look good i wouldn't put art in my book it's a book well my book has art and that's what's gonna make it cool okay max you want to do a problem

you gotta have a better problem i'd love to do a problem veto so great at ideas and execute that was not the point of the you made it about that because you shit on my ideas. It was not supposed to be about that at all. I'm glad I get to talk about this because it's been kind of weighing me a little bit. I'm talking about, I think the biggest problem is the Slavic men who are treating my local gym like a Turkish bath. Have you seen this? Do you know about this? No.

I mean. You haven't. So maybe it's just my gym. What gym do you go to? Is it a good gym? I go to the LA Fitness. LA Fitness. Okay. I go to the LA Fitness. Yeah. It's a chain. maybe it's just my gym What gym do you go to? Is it a good gym? I go to the LA Fitness LA Fitness Okay

I go to the LA Fitness It's a chain Maybe it's just me And I want to start this off First by saying If you're an Eastern European guy Watching this You rock

You're great You got a charisma But I think it's gone A little unchecked Yeah? Yeah They're a little too confident They're a little too confident

So I'm here To kind of put you In your place real quick It's important to note You know They're going to the gym. They're not going to the ellipticals. They're not going to the bench press. No, no.

Yeah. They exclusively hang out in the steam room, in the sauna, and in that small room. Together. Between the steam room and the sauna, together. That's all they do. How big is the sauna in LA Fitness? It can't be that big. It's smaller than this room.

Yeah, right? It's smaller than this room. Yeah, right? It's smaller than this room. And they pack like 15 guys in there. Yeah, it's cool. Get in there with a bunch of other dudes. What do you mean it's cool? What's cool about it? You can pretend that you're going to the Titanic.

Why? Because you're all packed in a sweaty room? Yeah, cool. What are we up to, guys? The steam room? That's what you imagine? You're working the boiler on the Titanic? No, the sub, you jackass.

The submarine that went to see the Titanic. Oh, okay. You're going to see the Titanic. We're not working the fucking coal of the Titanic. It doesn't make any sense. It makes more sense. How is it like a submarine in a sauna? Why would I want to pretend that I'm shoveling coal in steerage on the fucking Titanic?

Why would you want to pretend you're on a submarine that's going to implode and kill everyone? That doesn't make sense either. It's fucking provocative. Everyone's talking about you. No one's talking about the guys shoveling coal. They're turning it into a coal room. I'll say that much. They're making it a toxic environment.

Not in their words. Not in any of that. They're literally like wizards. They brew these potions at home. It's this strange water they bring in to dump. They bring their own. Oh, they dump it on the rocks. They dump it on the electric sauna. dump it on, not the rocks, the electric sauna.

Yeah, it's not even a real sauna, really. No, it's not. I don't think, are you supposed to dump it on an electric sauna? It breaks every time. Oh, really? Do they always go in and be like, guys, you can't be dumping on the sauna. And then they go, ah, you're not supposed to do that. And they go, zoof, nuff.

And they're happy about it. They're like, yeah, glad you like it. Glad you like it. Eucalyptus is stinging your eyes. You're dying slowly. Do they bring their own eucalyptus? They do. That's what I'm saying. See, because here's the thing is that I've been to a Turkish bathhouse.

Really? Once. Once. For some reason. It sounds decadent. It was definitely Turkish. Gay bathhouse. No, it was definitely Turkish.

I mean, it's probably also gay, but mostly Turkish. That's what you say. So I've experienced what those guys do, but the fact that they're now taking it out of the actual Turkish bathhouse and transporting it to the LA Fitness, that seems unreasonable to me. Yeah, they should be going to the official place. I like it, though. You could go in and relax, share some stories.

We're talking about the LA Fitness sauna. Do they wear it, though. You could go in and relax, share some stories about... We're talking about the LA Fitness sauna. Do they wear underwear, though? It's one thing... Do they wear underwear in the sauna? I mean, those are the naked guys. Yeah, they're the ones who are coming in. No way. Do they put a towel over it at least? They put a towel over it. Okay, they'll towel. And then they got the cool hands of the... And then it slips as you're going.

You could like... Oh, man. A little bit of balls came out. Looks like I have all my balls again. I've noticed that's more of an Anglo-Saxon thing, just being butt naked in the locker room. Yeah. Yeah, you see those guys. Are you comfortable being nude? Oh, totally.

Totally. There's a little bit of like... I went to the Turkish bathroom house, and I was like, wait, we just got to be naked the whole time? And they're like, yeah. And I'm like, oh, I don't like this at all. Just getting sweaty with some phones. I don't want people looking at my fucking dick. It's weird.

Why would people look at your dick? Well, that's the thing, is that they don't want to look at it. But then it becomes this game of, like, trying not to look at dicks. It's like the whole time, it's like, oh, don't look at his dick. Don't look at his dick. Don't look at his dick. Don't look at his dick. This was a Turkish bathhouse.

But your eyes are, like, up here. What do you mean you're accidentally looking at dicks? And then, you know who was in the Turkish bathhouse Your eyes are like up here What do you mean you're accidentally looking at dicks And then you know who was in the Turkish bathhouse Who? Pauly Shore And so then I wanted to see his dick He was hiding He was the only guy wearing like Speedos

So you could not see Pauly Shore's dick That fucker I was like this would have been the highlight of my life Seeing your fucking dick in a Turkish bathhouse What do you think is going to happen? People are going been the highlight of my life, seeing your fucking dick in a Turkish bar. What an asshole. What do you think is going to happen? People are going to make fun of it? I don't know.

He's got a small dick then. We hung out with him in the hot tub a little bit. He was like, we don't normally see a bunch of 20-year-old weirdo. He's like, mostly it's like 50-year-old Turkish guys in here. We're like, yeah. At these prices, I'm not surprised. At these prices, I'm not surprised. Have you ever gone to the Korean spa?

I've not gone to a Korean spa. And get your, like, taint razor-bladed to skin off? Is that something that exists? Yeah, you could do that. Why are you razor-blading your taint? Keep things fresh. Aerodynamic. Yeah.

Yeah. You want to be pink all over. Oh, God, I don't want... You want to be pink. We should do that. That's too much. A Korean bathhouse? They're going to... What? Razor my taint? Yeah. I don't want... We should do that. That's too much. A Korean bathhouse? They're going to...

What, razor my taint? Yeah. I don't want to do that. I'll do that if we film it because it'd be funny, but there's no part of me that wants to do that for anything other than entertainment. That's, I mean, that's capitalism right there, too, is that it's one-on-one.

Everyone's coming in. I agree to get my taint razored. They're doing it for me. I'm talking in the saunas. These folks, they're not asking anybody. They're packing their own eucalyptus They're just They're just pouring it in

And pouring their own Fucking What do they pour on there Like oil or something Yeah Something that shouldn't be On an electric machine Yeah you're not supposed to do that

That's LA Fitness I would be fine With the stinging in the eyes I'd be fine with like Just shredding my nostrils Every time I breathe in In that tight room But it's

It's clearly not doing anything For these guys See that's what I also remember. The eucalyptus, the up the nose or whatever. If your sinus is... I think my nose is just like pouring fucking fluid out of it. It just whips you. Yeah, it just gets all up in your

shit and you're like, oh, this is awful. This feels terrible. You guys are too uptight. You gotta learn to relax. I don't want to be part of the Turkish experience. No, it feels terrible, man. If I'm going to the gym, I'm going to be vitalis. I'm going to, like, work out. And when I see these folks just taking it easy, I'm not the kind of guy. You hate that.

I don't look at that and go, like, oh, I've got to be better than those guys. I look at that and go, like, oh, maybe I could just hang in the sauna for the rest of my life. Yes, you can. I can't do that. No. I don't want that life. It's tempting. It's awesome. And to see them walk out, and then they just walk in the pool back and forth for the rest of my life. You can. I can't do that. I don't want that life. It's tempting. It's awesome. And to see them walk out and then they just

walk in the pool back and forth for the whole thing. Yeah. Well, I mean, I understand the excitement of going from a hot place to a cold place back to a hot place. Yeah. It's incredible. That feels great. That's a great spot. They got a whole room of heat and then you can go to a cold room. And just go back and forth. Get yourself some noodles. You could do

homework. Is everyone naked? No. Actually, you can't be. Good. Because it's co-ed. All right. Oh, wait. Co-ed in my head. Well, it's Asian, so they're not speaking a language that you can understand.

So if you got naked and they yelled at you, you could just pretend you don't understand what's going on. I wasn't going that way. What? I took off all my clothes. What are you? I don't understand. No, sorry.

Yeah. I'll do that. Matthew Perry dying in that spa. That's like a, that's my fantasy. That's the way to go. That's, yeah. That's where you end up if you're that type of Sonic guy. Yeah, yeah. Just like, look, look, look.

I don't fucking care. Hot tubs are very, that's why they have those signs where they say, don't be in the hot tub for more than like 15, 30 minutes, right? People die in hot tubs getting wasted. Yeah. Or like, yeah, but I think like people, your body just kind of like drones off. People like drown in those things. Yeah, they do.

They're just like, man, I feel like I'm in heaven. I've returned to Mother Gaia. I've returned to the waters, the primordial ooze from which I was birthed. I'm back in the placenta. Yeah. There's clearly a tube connect. Yeah. Your brain goes, I don't need toed. I'm back in the placenta. There's clearly a tube connecting. Yeah, your brain goes,

I don't need to breathe. I'm in the womb. The breathing is being accomplished by Mother Gaia, and then you just fucking drown to death. I'm either going that way or the Trevor Moore whitest kids you know way. How did he die again? Fell off drunk. Fell off a balcony. Really? That's...

Is that how he died? I thought he had like a disease. Alcoholism. Yeah, alcoholism. Partying too hard. That's a good way. Well, he slipped on a banana peel and fell off the roof. Why does it sound like most of your ideal deaths

involve being very liquored up at the time? What do you mean most? Okay, so the Turkish bath guys, you hate those guys? Do they work out at all? Or are they just there for the sauna? They're setting the bar just to a level that I just can't deal with. I can't deal with. I can't look at that and feel inspired.

I need somebody beautiful and just ripped next to me. Yeah, a man. Swimming, a man. Swimming in the lane going fast. So then I like, in my mind, I'm like, okay, we're racing. You do swimming? I do swimming, yeah. Where are you from?

I'm from NorCal. Okay. Yeah. Somewhere weird. Swimming for exercise. That's a thing. People do that. You go laps.

It's like the hardest one to do. You do laps. What are you talking about? A lot of people exercise swimming. Yeah, it's the hardest fucking exercise to do. Yeah. I played water polo in high school. Of course you did. I'm doing sense memory. Yeah, I'm trying to get exercise to do. Yeah, I played water polo in high school. Of course you did.

I'm doing sense memory. Yeah, I'm trying to get back to when I was fit. He's got a swimmer's build. Look at him. I say I got a 1940s leading man build, which is basically you did sports in high school. Show the size of your hands. And then I've done nothing since. You got big hands, I'm going to say.

That was a trick to try to, Vito wanted you to touch his hand. No, look. I'll touch your hand. I guess we're kind of the same. Actually, my hands are bigger than yours. But you want those big hands. You were going like... You were doing the heel thing, though.

You were moving your hand up his hand, though. I saw that. Regardless. He's got a swimmer's build, I would say. Yeah. He looks like one of those... Water polo. Some people take to the water.

You have to tread water and then do volleyball stuff, right? Yeah, you're basically just trying not to drown and then get the ball into the net. And the lacrosse guys walk by and go, fucking water polo. Different season. I played lacrosse, too. And then a bunch of turks. Yeah, dude, you don't just play water polo. Fellas, come on.

You got to do both. Come on. Do you have a horse? Do you own a horse? No, I went to public school. All right, all right. The water polo pool we went to was the community pool. Okay. So we had to drive to there and there were kids playing.

Did they haul them out when you guys got there? The dog catchers coming with those things and rope them out. Get out of here! Get out of here! The public pool catchers? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Turkish men. Turkish men. What was the whole thing? Do you fear becoming like them?

I fear becoming like them. That's a part of me that I could definitely see myself indulging in. Just slipping into that lifestyle. That's when I'm ordering my fifth DoorDash of the week, just kind of like, just hanging out like, I don't need to go outside. Yeah. Why'd you point at me when you said ordering my fifth DoorDash of the week?

I don't know, I gotta check. You go like, maybe I'll go to the gym and I'll just sit in the sauna. Maybe that's all I'll do. They're doing it. They're getting away with it. DoorDash has been offering some fantastic deals recently. I'm not going to lie. Did you see they had like a weight calculator on DoorDash? How does that work?

Wow. For the product or for you? It like calculates your DoorDash orders and says how much you're probably going to weigh. I don't know if that was a joke that I saw that did that. A lot of Panda Express and things. How many? The Panda Express is good. If people guess your weekly DoorDash order, can we do that? Can we win a prize?

What do you mean my weekly order? Like how many? Like from the last seven days. Like we do the show on Friday. Your total DoorDash orders from Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday today. If they pay 20 bucks to guess it.

What do they win? A t-shirt? Yeah. We should give away a t-shirt. Yeah, they win a t-shirt. We gotta pay, though. It's gotta be a call-in show. Somebody has to call in and, you know, do the old... We get one guess a week.

One guess a week. Yeah, we'll set it up. You can call in. No, not call in. I don't want to talk to any of these fuckers. It's like a comedy show. They pay $20 to guess here. Okay, Vito doesn't want $20. Nobody give... Well, it makes sense to risk $20 to win a t-shirt. A t-shirt

should cost $20. It's a special edition t-shirt. If it's a special edition, I guessed how fat Vito is on DoorDash t-shirt, fine, but we have to make those first to set up the bit. Like, you guess how much you spent on DoorDash this last seven days. It should be how much money I spent

on DoorDash. Whoever gets closest without going over. Yeah, how much money? No, no, no, no, no. One guess. One guess, but then it can't be within 10 bucks. 10 bucks? 10 bucks. Okay. Within 10 bucks.

Guess Vito's weekly door dash within $10. Win a prize. Runner-up should get the framed receipts. Or maybe, I don't know, over or under or something. We'll figure it out. We'll figure it out. That's a good game. Okay, my problem is-

Can we get a game that humiliates you as well? Sure. Trust me. Go for it. My problem is picking on stepdads for the wrong reasons. Okay. I see a lot of guys bragging about how they would never be a stepdad. Like this makes them a badass, I guess.

I don't know why. I have always seen it. Like, oh, you're a cuck if you raise somebody else's kids. It's like, well, wait a minute. Yeah, hold on. You're extrapolating out that definition a bit. I mean, things you should be criticizing stepdads for. Molesting.

Beating. Yes, that's bad. Beating. Yeah, physical violence. Which you should be criticizing regular dads for, but they probably do it way more. They do it like 80% more. Same with the molesting. Probably like 10 times more, I think. Yeah, they're off the charts.

I don't know what the third one is. Things you shouldn't be criticizing stepdads for. Getting drunk. Just being... Getting drunk, doing drugs. Things you should not be criticizing them for. Being dads.

Stepping up. I would never be a dad. Because the guys saying it think that they are good. And they're saying it to say, I'm such a good guy. I would never do that. I would deprive that child of any feelings of love or opportunity. I would take that away from him. Yeah, like why are you taking away from an imaginary kid that wasn't, you were not about to be their stepdad.

Why are you bragging that you're not and that no man of my caliber, whatever. Like, okay, buddy, like, don't make me, don't make me be on the side of the single mom here. Just don't do it. You don't have to brag about it. You're not winning. Why are you, what are you winning? Why are you guys all winning this together? Like you're all, you're all anti single moms and their kids and it makes you feel better.

Well here. Okay. So this is like the weird thing with like, and it seems to mostly come from conservatives. Is that fair to say? Yeah, probably. Yeah. Cause there's way more child molesters and kid beaters on liberal side becoming step-tits. So they're mad at those guys.

Okay. But conservatives are always like, we've got to protect kids. Stay away. You know, make sure that the kids aren't getting anything in the schools. And we've got to make sure there's no abortion because the life of a child is sacred. And then you're like, okay, well, the state wants to give these kids, like, free lunch right and you're like okay well the state wants to give these kids like free lunch and they're like well that's fucking bullshit that's communism like that oh the state wants to give my free lunch the state wants to give this single mother like

you know welfare money to raise your kids and it's like well don't give her that because that might help the kids and give them like food and keep them alive yeah but i agree with guys no you don't agree with the money i don't want to give anybody any of my money. Okay. Well, then you don't want to be a stepdad. Well, but that's not money. That's like a guy. He ends up spending money.

It's his money. Yeah, but he's fucking the mom. Obviously, she's a whore. You're saying it's more of a transaction. It's not taking my shit for you to go be a stepdad. Like, yeah, hey, guys, let's gaslight men into going to be stepdads. What does it cost? We're not going to do it.

Wink, wink, wink, wink, right? But we're going to tell them it's awesome. The message is it's awesome that you're doing it. Because somebody's got to raise this goddamn kid. You don't want to tell guys who are already into it, like, oh, you fucking pussy. It's like, well, what do you want to do? You want to pay for the kid? What the fuck is that?

I mean, I'm sure it's hard enough for him. You're going to call him a cuck and a pussy? Why? Why would you do that? Yeah, that is a good point. Why would you? He's doing a public service. He's doing a public service.

He's not going to be a criminal, right? Yeah, right. Maybe he's raping him. I don't know. That's possible. Hopefully not. Maybe that kid's not going to be a criminal, right? Yeah, right. Maybe he's raping him. I don't know. That's possible. Hopefully not. Hopefully not. Hopefully not.

But hopefully you would hope that having a father figure in the house, which again, all these people are obsessed with. Well, if you're a father figure, that's the problem with all these households. It's like, well, I'm going to step up and be a father figure. Fuck! You fucking cunt! What? And you're like, well, hold on a second.

What do you want? Statistically, they're not going to rape them, right? We hope. Why do you keep coming back to that? The majority of the time, they're not going to rape the kid. Sure. We're talking stepdads. Stepdads.

Majority of the time, they're not going to rape the kid. I think. I brought in a stat. Yeah, yeah. What are the stats on that? So it's 17% of women who had a stepfather in their childhood have been sexually abused. Okay. Compared to 2% the women.

Yeah, women. Okay. Come on. Sorry, Vito. I didn't find the stats for little gay boys. I'm just checking. It's probably the same. It's probably the same.

10 times, right? So 10 times. But that means 83% had a... Oh, maybe it wasn't the best. Yeah. But it was okay It's better than nothing It is

Maybe I hope so It's definitely better than nothing Oh yeah Oh better than just a woman Yeah Yeah it's Oh What am I saying

I'd rather be raised by a fucking Garbage can Than a woman Oof On her own Were you from a two family Two parent household My So my dad married my mom She was married before Okay So I have a half brother Right Wolf on her own. Were you from a two-parent household?

So my dad married my mom. She was married before. So I have a half-brother. And I was in the instance where my dad was way cooler to my half-brother than his real dad was. My dad was way cooler to your half-brother than his real dad. Yeah. So my brother's stepdad was good. Okay. He was good.

He was good. He was good. He was good. He was a was good. He was good. He was good. He was good. He was a cool guy. He stepped in, he stepped up. The issue is that you have no dominion over the kid because the mom wants to do it. She feels guilty about the pain she's inflicted. The dad's not in there.

He's doing something different. So as a stepdad, you can't do anything. Some stepdads manage to get the kid goes, I want you to be my real dad. But most of the time, it's not that. It's in the early phases of parenting. It's the early phases. Because later on, my brother's like, yeah, that's my dad. That's my real dad.

But in the beginning, when you're trying to set the good habits, that's when the mom's like, no, no, no. Let him have these things because I feel bad. Does it help if a bunch of guys are calling him a cuck and a pussy and stuff? Does that help? Does that make the relationship deeper? A different generation? Different generation. Different generation.

He did it on the DL. This is my stepdad, John. Shut up. Don't tell them. They're going to think I'm a pussy. I'm your real dad. Papa, call me a grandpa. Call me grandpa.

Yeah, call me uncle. Soccer coach. Uncle Bob. No, no. See, but we have no problem with uncles. Did you have any like uncles growing up who weren't really related to you? Huh. That was a big thing in my family is just be like yeah that's just uncle bob mafia shit yeah he was kind of an italian yeah he had a lot of extra uncles all of a sudden uncle fucking guido hey that's our word

uh but yeah i i i think that it's pretty fucked up to go to a guy Who's like you know what I found a woman I love her you know things happen in life She had a relationship that didn't work out Or whatever she has a kid but in order to make it You know we're making it work and I love This kid's great and we have a great relationship Why would you look at that and you go

You're not you're a fucking cock And you're She's taking advantage of you, taking your money. Is that what it is? She was going to take advantage of you and take your money regardless. That's all relationships with a woman. Guys, women don't stop when they hit their own predetermined limit of money. They just take everything.

Having a kid doesn't mean they take more, because they're already trying to take all of your money. Right. So just make a fair transaction. You get to have sex with the mom and you give the kid 20 bucks to go see a movie. It's really weird whenever I see it. I would never do that. Like, okay, don't then.

I don't want you to be raising anyone else. I don't want you to be molesting anyone else's kids. I'm just tired of people saying like, you know, it's really about the kids. We got to help the kids. You know, well, this guy's helping a kid. It saying like, you know, it's really about the kids. We gotta help the kids. And you're like, well, this guy's helping a kid. It's like, yeah, but that guy's a fucking pussy. And you're like, well, I'm tougher than him. I think it might be a rebuttal. I think there might be

some sort of public opinion that you have to lock yourself into that. Maybe that's what it is. What is that? What do you mean? Do you have to accept a woman? I've seen all the other ways where it's like, well, I mean, if they have a kid, that's the right thing to do. You gotta step up. And it's not the right thing.

It's not the wrong thing. It's just your decision. What's the right thing? To take care of the kid and make sure he doesn't kill himself or what? I think in that situation, I mean, you gotta do what's right for you. Because if you're gonna go in and lock yourself into something you're reluctant about... Do whatever you want all the time. Then you beat.

That's cool. No. All relationships are gonna come with some amount of baggage, right? It's like she's your girlfriend. She's got, I don't know, her teeth fall out. She's stupid. You got to make sure you buy her new teeth. I think the guys who are like I'd never do that. It never happened.

They're also the guys who could get tricked into doing it. Yeah, I think so too. And they would be the guys who would beat. So they're locking themselves. They're reducing the statistic by broadcasting. Don't be a stepdad. Don't make me hit your son. They're reducing the statistic by broadcasting. Don't be a stepdad. Don't make me hit your son. We're not going to do it.

We're not going to do it. Oh, we lost another one. Jeffrey, you know, he was the most anti-step. He said there's cucks every day. So then why would they be anti-abortion? Because if you're pro-abortion, then there's way less extra kids. Because they're not having the abortion. They want to punish women.

Yeah. In any way they can. They just want're not having the abortion. They want to punish women. Yeah. In any way they can. They just want to have their own abortion. They just want to be like, thank God, I finally get to have an abortion. Why don't you just go like, man, I hope all these women have abortions so that later on when I want to marry them, I don't have to pay for their kids. Because then the women will be even bigger whores

with even more attractive chads in their mind. They're like, if we don't shame them all the time, then they're going to be even sluttier with even more attractive chads in their mind. They're like, if we don't shame them all the time, then they're going to be even sluttier with even less men. This is all very confusing. What was confusing about just be like Boogie and get a 20-year-old who's emotionally damaged to think you're her father

and have her give you sponge baths. And that's how to live a happy life. I can see dysfunctionysfunction on women Do you think Boogie will impregnate that woman? She's gonna get pregnant Boogie's gonna make a kid Yeah Oh my god

It's gonna happen in like the next two years I'm looking at that relationship Boogie's gonna impregnate his 20 year old Field wife I would bet you in the next two years I'm looking at that relationship. Boogie's going to impregnate his 20-year-old field wife. Let's bet on it. I would bet you in the next two years. The problem is I think Boogie is the kind of guy who's going to go, you've got to get an abortion.

You've got to get an abortion. And he will pressure her into having an abortion, and then she'll cry and she'll abandon him. I think he would want a kid. You don't think he would want a kid? No. I think he'll want a kid. You don't think he would want a kid? At his age? I think he'll make too many emotional... He'll say, like, if I have a kid, it's going to be damaged like I'm damaged.

And I just couldn't do that to the world. What's her name? I couldn't bring a child into the world. Boogie, if you get pregnant and Boogie's trying to force you into having an abortion... Don't get the abortion. You have to have Boogie's child. It would be way too funny. You have to carry the term.

You have to have it. You have to have itogie's child. It would be way too funny. You have to have it. You have to have it. Boogie is absolutely... That girl is going to get pregnant, and Boogie is absolutely going to try and pressure her into an abortion. Kickstart an anti-abortion fund. I would bet $100 on it right now. I can see this crystal clear in my mind.

You think she's fucking him, though, for real? I think they're fucking. How could she even find his penis? It's probably weird, gross, pity fuck. She's probably jerking him off. I don't know. How's probably weird gross pity fuck She's probably jerking him off I don't know How's that get the semen? She's probably so anorexic that she can't even have kids

I think she might be the kind of crazy who's like Taking his cum out of the condom And she's gonna try and impregnate herself that way Is he that high in influence? No it's that she's She's a replica of her dad He's the most pathetic person in the world And she wants to fix him Okay She's a replica of her dad. He's the most pathetic person in the world.

And she wants to fix him. He's going to impregnate that girl. He's going to force her to have an abortion. She's going to run away and have Boogie's kid. And that kid's going to be the greatest influencer who ever lived. That kid's going to be eight years old. He's going to go, I'm going to get a Boogie. I'm going to get a Boogie. I'm going to get a boogie. Get, get, get, get, get.

And I'm going to give that kid so much money for his stupid- He's going to have the beard already. Oh, today was a pretty bad day. Oh, I know you guys hate me. I pooped in my pants. No, little boogie's going to have charisma. He's going to be the generation that figures it out. I'm obsessed with this idea now because I know it's going to happen.

Me too. That girl's got to eat a little bit. She's got to put a little bit of meat on her box. If she's living with Boogie, I can't imagine she's going to stay the size that she is. You think you could eat a sandwich in Boogie's? Give me that. Give me that, you skinny bitch. Boogie, I made a a spaghetti Meatball dinner for us

I'll just have this Piece of garlic bread Boogie's eating a Big Mac In that documentary Like he's pouring it Into his mouth Is he doing that As a goof

Or is he like Literally like Showing him Yeah he's like Ironically eating Like a fat Sick slob In bed

Alright Wait was he eating A Big Mac in bed With no shirt on He might have had a shirt. I don't know. Oh, my God. Every time he's eating with his girlfriend.

I got to watch this documentary. And she's laying on like a bean bag. And he's like, he's using the box as like a trough for the leavens of the Big Mac. Who's watching this stuff? This relationship is going to fall apart. Me, I watched it twice. Yeah? How do you feel watching it?

Just sick. What are you getting from it? Sick and with hatred. Hate. Absolute pure hate. I don't hate Boogie. I hate the director. Strong synergy.

Yeah. The director. Yeah, because you can tell he came in to, like, frame Boogie as, like, a comeback and, like, a good guy. Yeah, yeah. And, like, he did this- It's a sympathy piece. Yeah, he did this whole thing at the end where he makes Boogie take mushrooms

and they make it seem like mushrooms are this huge... You get some insight and it fixes your front of the brain. Well, that's what Boogie's been saying. Boogie said that he met a shaman and he took psychedelics and now his entire life is reframed. It's just a new version of going back to church. Yeah, see, that's the thing

is I'm like, I don't know, man. I've taken acid and it's cool, but I'm still a fat piece of shit. Shaman cle Yeah, see, that's the thing is I'm like, I don't know, man. I've taken acid and like, it's cool, but I'm still a fat piece of shit. Dumping gasoline on the fire. Didn't make me want to change my life. If anything, I was like, man, this acid's cool. I want a cheeseburger. You know, so whatever it did for Boogie, I don't get it. You can eat on acid?

Probably not, but afterwards, when you come down, you're hungry. I ever tell you about the last time, not the last time, but the time I took acid in Vegas. And I just, we were at the big magic tournament that I have in Vegas every once in a while. Yeah. So it was like 2 a.m. And I'm like, I got to sort these magic cards.

And also all the magic cards I got from the tournament, I'm like sorting them. But everyone else is sleeping. So there's no light. But for some reason, somebody had like a camping headlamp. So it's two o'clock in the morning. I have a headlamp on, and I'm just sorting magic cards in the dark. And someone's like, bro, you need to go. That acid hit you wrong, bro.

Go to the casino. No, I had to meticulously organize every magic card. Jesus. I'm the only one that does normal shit on acid. Well. What's that? Just have good times. Look at the trees.

Harass people. I might go to Vegas in December, though. I'm hoping it's going to happen. You going to do some acid? I think we might. Yeah, well, that would be fun. Okay. All right.

I'll have to get some. All right. That's my problem. Picking on stepdads for the wrong reasons. My problem is Boogie pressuring that girl into having an abortion. The inevitability. I'm not putting that up. The inevitability of Boogie pressuring. girl Into having an abortion I'm not putting that up Alright you don't have to You already did your problem But I am worried about

Boogie pressuring that girl into an abortion Yours was the Turkish Slavic men turning my gym into a Turkish bath Turning his gym into a Slavic bath Okay Three great problems Here on your favorite show the biggest problem in the universe and do a Slavic bath. Okay. Three great problems. Here on your favorite show, The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Where do you vote on those problems, guys?

You got to go to biggestproblem.show. Vote on all the problems. We're joined today, of course, by Max from Value Select TV, youtube.com slash value select TV. People should subscribe, right? If you'd like to. I think ultimately if you hate it, just go somewhere else. It's my first time to the channel. What video should subscribe, right? If you'd like to. I think ultimately, if you hate it, just go somewhere else. It's my first time to the channel. What video

should I watch first? First time to the channel, I think you should definitely watch The Genius. Wow, he figured it out. I think that that is... The Genius? There's also a song about Don't Believe in Past Lives. There's a song about that as well. Oh, there's a song? Yeah, it's a lot of music. I write music. Oh, shit.

Dick is also a music man. Yeah, it's a lot of music. I write music. Oh, shit. Dick is also a music man. Yeah, a little bit. I should do that. And I, of course, am the best singer on the show, as we've established through multiple You always post stuff, and then you delete it, and people will say, hey, Vito posted this. Check this out. And then you deleted it.

Well, because I post it being like, hey, does this sound right? Because I don't know what vocal range I'm supposed to be in. And a lot of the times I end up too pitchy and high and nasally. So I'm like, well. Oh, you can't sing. That's what that is. Shut up. I can sing.

You got a baritone register? That's where you're at right now? I can sing. I just don't know how to hit any notes or what my baritone register is. No, I can hit the notes. But then I go, I end up too nasally. So I go like, hey, can I get some feedback? And then people go, yeah, it fucking sucks. And I go, you know up too nasally, so I go like, hey, can I get some feedback? And then people go, yeah, it

fucking sucks. And I go, you know what? I don't even want to. And I post it on Facebook and people give me actual nice things because they're my friends and they're not assholes. I'm very self-conscious. Are you a singer too, or do you just do I don't know if I can sing anymore. I probably do too much cocaine. You have more of a growl.

Actually, if you listen to old episodes, the biggest problem, your voice has, I think, deepened. I sing like Elton John. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh whiny, you know? It's like that... It's the deflated head voice you got going on. Yeah. Okay. Alright, here's some... Like that time I did that, what do you call it? That weedist song and you said, it's too nasally.

And I'm like, yeah, I was trying to imitate the guy. Oh. You gotta overdo it then. My boyfriend's a dick. He brings a gun to school. You know? That's perfect. That's spot on. That's school You know That's perfect That's spot on That's the thing That's what that guy does

Yeah But I shouldn't do that Because then it sounds stupid You gotta do more My boyfriend Like that I got a couple songs I've been working on

Alright Yo I don't know If you guys heard But apparently The shooter from Maine He just got called A pedophile a lot And that's why

He shot everyone up Because he kept saying Like all my friends Are calling me a pedophile a lot. And that's why he shot everyone up. Because he kept saying, like, all my friends are calling me a pedophile. And he, like, shoved one of them. And he's like, I'm going to do something crazy. Everyone's calling me a pedophile. So I don't know. Wait, did that actually? People should rethink how they talk to Vito.

Is that really a joke? Or is that something that actually? That didn't happen. He didn't think it was a joke. I can see that happening, though. That's the way they keep talking about stuff. Everybody's calling everybody a pedophile for some reason. If only someone would shut them up for good.

They were trying to say Boogie's a fucking pedophile. Because his girlfriend's 20 and they're trying to say that she wasn't 20 when he met her or something. I don't know, man. It's pretty gross. Yeah, you could just say it's disgusting that he's dating a 20-year-old. It doesn't even have to be a pedophile thing. He's 45. That girl is clearly emotionally damaged.

Yeah, yeah. Why do we got to get that into it? The age gap's okay as long as you're an emotionally stable individual, whereas... What are you doing? I don't know. I don't know if the age gap's okay. Well, because I just want to know, like, okay, well, what if it was legal for her to be 16? Oh, like if we were in the UK?

Yeah, or most of the US is still 16. I think once a girl's over 25, like, any age gap is fine at that point. Once a girl hits, like, 25. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's fine. If, like, a 60-year-old guy wants to hit her. 18, though. 18, 20? She's 20, yeah.

She's 20? Oh, God. She hasn't hit 20. See, 25 is, like, where you got to be. Because she's still in that. She just got out of high school, basically. She's gone? Oh, God. She hasn't hit 20. 25 is where you gotta be. Because she's still in that... She just got out of high school, basically. She's gone to college. She's been drinking since 21.

The whole thing's so fucking weird. Boogie sits her down in the documentary and explains how much he's gonna die. How close he is to being dead because he's so fat and worthless. Is he talking about his blood cancer and all? Yeah, and she starts crying.

I don't want to lose you! I'm like, this is fucked. Like I'm saying, it's too much emotional manipulation. It's like, you don't sit a girl down and go, listen, I'm going to die. And if you leave me, I'll die even quicker because I'll fucking kill myself. Don't say that!

You know what the best part, what? The best part, though, the best part of the documentary. I wonder if he said that to her. I bet he has. Oh, yeah. He's definitely insinuated, if you ever leave me, I'll kill myself. He probably tells her that every morning. He told me he was going to kill himself. And I'm like, dude, I don't even really know you that well. He should.

I was telling this story on my thing, though. He said, I'm going to kill myself. Do you want to hear my stuff? And I went, yeah. And he said he was going to send me a cool dragon statue. I was telling this story on my thing though. He said I'm gonna kill myself. Do you want to hear my stuff? And I went yeah, yeah Well, he said he was gonna send me a cool dragon statue and then he never sent it so boogie I was like look I don't want you to kill yourself, but if you're gonna kill yourself. Yes, I will take free shit Give me the dragon statue. Give me the dragon statue. I think he sold it on whatnot He's been selling off What a fucker

He's been selling off All his magic cards and shit He didn't give me anything Boogie just give me a guy's cradle If you still have one You don't need it It's like 800 bucks You're too fat to play

I feel like I've given Well now I've kind of What? I've been a good friend to Boogie You know I give him shit but Boogie owes me stuff I just want him I give him what he craves I'm trying I give him shit, but... Boogie owes me stuff. I give him what he craves. I'm trying to give him advice.

It's like, Boogie, don't... Everyone sees through the emotional manipulation. It's way too obvious. No. If you don't do this for me, I'm going to kill myself. I know. What does he say to that? Does he know?

Is he candid? What do you say to that? You just go, well, I hope you don't kill yourself, you know? But you don't. Everyone's going to watch this stuff. No, I don't want Boogie to kill himself, okay? But you don't hope that he doesn't. I don't want him to kill himself before I get the dragon statue.

Let's put it that way. At least I want the dragon statue or a guy's cradle, okay? Now, do I want Boogie to live long enough? If I could have a guy's cradle or I could have a living boogie, it's tough. I really want a guy's cradle. I don't have one. I've wanted one for a long time. I have an elf deck that would just do swimmingly with a guy's cradle.

I just want to get that girl away from him. No. If he's got to kill himself for that girl to get away, that's all I want. I hope they can have a healthy relationship. I just know that from what I know of it, I go, this can't be healthy. She's 20, and you're an emotionally damaged nightmare. And God bless you. I hope you make it work.

Don't make her get the abortion boogie. Have a little boogie and see what happens. Maybe it'll be funny. She can't get pregnant. She's too anorexic. They can't. Once they go. Is that true?

Yeah. Once your teeth start wearing off because of anorexia, you can't get fucking pregnant. You think she has anorexia? I'm like, I can see it. I can see it. I don't see women. Like, people are talking. I've learned to just, like, echolocate when they talk. I'm like, oh,

there's a woman there. I can see where the guys are looking, so I know there's, like, a ghost. But then I'll see, like, a tangle of, like, issues. I'm like, aha! That's one. See, and that's the other part, is that Boogie puts out this documentary, and then if you talk about it He's like kind of pissed

Where he's like, I don't understand why people are being so mean to me and my girlfriend I'm like you made an hour-long documentary about your fucked up little relationship. You mean your daughter? What are you talking about? Yeah, like this is He's on Twitter. He's like I just don't understand why people are blah blah blah. I'm like what did you fucking expect? It's insane Yeah, it's a 450 pound guy. Are you jealous that you don't have a hot little girlfriend like that who hates herself? No, because any time I've... Dude, I've... No, not at all.

I don't want what that girl is at all. No. What's the difference? They're not that much better. Bro, I'm like, that kind of girl is like trouble. Like... Oh, yeah. Okay.

You want a nice, stable girl that never has any fucking problems. I want a girl who's... Has a penis? You don't want a fitness girlfriend? No, it's not a girl with a penis. That's a big fucking problem.

A muscle mommy? No. That's a problem you're saying. Yeah, fitness girls are a big fucking problem. Are we talking about crazy fitness or just keeping it tight?

What's her job? Do they talk about that in the documentary? She doesn't have one, does she? Come on. Yeah, okay. So that's what I don't want. Her job is throwing up. Yeah, her job is...

Her job is a scoop of peanut butter every day. There you go. Okay. What I want in a relationship is a woman who can pay her own bills. I mean... What? While you're adding on What else do you want? Jesus Christ

You picked the most insane requirement ever Part of the bills She doesn't have to pay all of them Has maybe a college education Has a skill set Why would you want a college education? Because that's the only way that women Move forward in life

Is by adhering to this rigorous College education Societal dictated No not that Women need structure Men are entrepreneurs Men can go out and kind of create their own path through life Women seem to need the structure

Men make their own comic books Yeah exactly He understands what I'm talking about There's not a lot of self-starter women It's like, I want to do, you know, there's a Anytime I talk to a woman about her goals She goes, well, I'm going to go to this college And I'm going to go to this college

And I'm going to get a job here Like, they have a whole path through the system How old are the women you're talking to If you're talking about going to college? Well, uh You're recalling from a memory from earlier in your life Yeah, yeah I'm talking about throughout time

Oh, shut up Whoa, whoa yeah. I'm talking about throughout time. Oh, shut up. Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm talking about girls. Every time I talk to girls, they're like, well, I want to go to my 14th birthday party. No, no, no, no, no. I just talked to my friend. She's going to grad school to get her PhD, okay? I'm not talking about going into college for the first time.

As it fell, I got burnt up. I couldn't stay in college. I had to leave. I went for theater. She's in her 30s. As a fellow, I got burnt up. I couldn't stay in college. I had to leave. I went for theater. She's in her 30s. She's got her PhD. Come on. But I see it.

I see it. They can buckle down better than a fellow. Oh, yeah, dude. I could never get a PhD in anything. I'd kill myself. Do you have a girlfriend? Can't say. Can't say.

Can't say. What if I did? You seem so happy, though. Which will lead you to believe he doesn't have a girlfriend? Yeah. Yeah. Keep that stuff under wraps. Yeah, you gotta be a mystery man.

You gotta be a bit of an enigma. Yeah. For what? For women? For women. No, for your audience. You know, when you're a creator. Say you can hit on women in the audience.

Well, otherwise you... Yeah. That's the worst thing you can do as a creator. That's the absolute worst. Why? Fuck your fans? Oh, God. Who the fuck's the point of having women do as a creator That's the absolute worst Why? Fuck your fans? What the fuck's the point of having women fans If you don't fuck them

It's like in Japan where the pop stars have to Make sure they're never caught with their boyfriends Because it would destroy their careers The girls? If you're a famous girl Shut the fuck up about your boyfriends Didn't everybody freak out when Amaranth Had a husband or a boyfriend?

They did, and then they broke up. And he made her cry. That was awesome. He was going stepdad mode. Yeah. If a Tommy Tanaka had a boyfriend, I'd kill myself. She probably has a boyfriend, dude. You just have to pretend you don't know about it. If she posted it, I would

straight up kill myself. Exactly. She's got to keep it out of... Keep that on the DL. Alright, I don't like where it. If she posted it, I would straight up kill myself. Exactly. She's got to keep it out of – keep that on the DL. All right. I don't like where you guys took this one. Sorry. Here's – Yo, Vito, this is for you. I'm a couple episodes behind, I think,

but you were talking about how do you get testosterone. Hit up Derek from More Place More Dates. He works with Merrick Health. He's the dude that got Kyle from PKA all roided out and looking sick. But he does a lot of blood work and stuff, so he's not just going to

pump you full of Trin. He'll help you get on a regimen and maybe help you lose some weight without exogenous hormones as well. Just an idea. That's the guy everybody's saying to talk to. More plates, more dates, Merrick Health.

Get him to call in. Yeah, we should get him to call. Okay, I'll reach out. I reached out to Taylor to ask him what the name of the guy was. Have you ever taken any testosterone? No, I haven't taken anything. You don't need it. Yeah, I don't think anybody really needs it. Well, I need it.

Do you? What are you doing it for? What's the big idea? I got some blood work done. It's just that my testosterone levels are not as good as they could be. Is your sleep good? No. Is your diet good?

No. What a generous question. Do you fast? Do you do like a... Do you do any fasting? You do any sonic? I go very fast. Very fast I go on Sonic. I think until you get your fasting

and your sleep and your diet right, anything you're doing is you're just trying to put a bandaid on a bullet wound. I get those things right because I'm low T and they're all fucked up and my sleep's all fucked up. Nothing to do with low T. It's advantageous to fasting. I talk to all these guys and they go,

I was having the exact same problems as you. I couldn't sleep right. I had no energy. You get the testosterone, you feel better. And I said, I want to try it. I think if you were to just go to the beach, just swim around, have a day in the waves, come home exhausted.

Go to the beach. Ride the bike around. Look at the ocean. Ride the bike around. Look at the ocean. Run around in the sand. Get a sandbox. Go down to the park and run around in the sandbox with the kids. Why don bike around. Look at the ocean. Run around in the sand. Get a sandbox. Go down to the park

and run around in the sandbox with the kids. Why don't I get in a hot tub? Fall asleep forever. Tape a Pokemon card on your back and try to run away from the kids

trying to grab it. Throw them rocks at them. I hear the steroids are like blackens up your insides. That's what I hear. My insides are as black as night already,

so don't worry about that. I can't not carry the Casey Kasem. The steroids are blackening up your Insights. Blacking up your Insights. Coming up on America's Top 40. Tina DeVito. Steroids are blacking up your Insights. The classic clip is what?

You can't go from a high-tempo song into a dead dog. You ever heard that clip? Oh, yeah. That's a famous one. Okay, last one. Out of Michigan. Then we'll do Super Chats. Get your Super Chats in now. I don't want to be here all night refreshing do Super Chats. Get your Super Chats in now. I don't want to be here all night refreshing for Super Chats. Get your Super Chats in now.

Make sure you guess how much Vito spent on DoorDash. We're not doing that today. The closest person, the closest guess, if you pay $20, the closest guess at the end of the show will win a T-shirt. To be determined. A T-shirt. A T-shirt. A t-shirt. One of my t-shirts from my closet that I'm giving away.

How much do they have to super chat to guess? 20 bucks to guess. If you pay two bucks to guess. How much does a t-shirt cost normally? We're not even going to read it. You can't give away a $25 prize for a $20 super chat. Make it a $10 super Chat, you can guess. $20.

$20 guess. Okay. Closest one. Yeah. I'll tabulate. I'll tabulate my DoorDash from this month. All right. Here's the last.

This includes tax and I think delivery fees and everything. I mean, I don't know. Just do it. I'm doing from what? Monday through Friday? No. Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. Yeah. Well, because it's from what? Monday through Friday? No. Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. Yeah.

Well, because it's only what? Friday now. From the last show. From the last show. Yeah. All right. Here we go. Okay.

Hey, it's me again. Are we ever going to get another biggest movie review video again? What's going on with that? You guys, is it too hard to go sit in a movie theater and watch a movie and then talk about it for an hour? Is it too hard to be gay? Recommendation, that new Five Nights at Freddy's movie,

Suck Ass, was genuinely one of the worst movies I've ever seen. Go watch it. Bye. What was? I didn't hear because someone was talking. Hey, it's me again. Recommendation, that new five nights at freddy's movie five nights with freddy i thought that would be a good one but uh we're gonna see the marvels is probably gonna get more clicks i saw five nights with freddy it was okay

yeah i've heard it's not actually that bad as long as you're not like a weird child who's obsessed with the lore of five nights at freddy's what There's lore? Oh, yeah. Apparently so. I thought it was just porno. Like, I've seen Five Nights at Freddy's porno. Really? Yeah. Yeah. I was like, they made a movie out of the porno?

No, it's like a religion for middle schoolers. Five Nights at Freddy's? Huge. That kind of lore. That porno is a religion for middle schoolers? Maybe. Why the fuck does that porn exist then? No, that's not what it is. What is it?

He's adding. Don't bother him. Oh, yeah. What's Five Nights at Freddy's? Oh, man. Many things to many people. I'm adding up from the last week. I have a number.

Okay. Okay. Here, write it down. Write it down and then fold it and then give it to me. Okay. Let me just make sure i got it right start the super chats no i'll do another voicemail okay okay here we go hey dick and veto i gotta call in about poisoning children i lived in china for a while man and i

gotta come in on veto side here like every week there was a story in the news about some company getting busted for putting like sawdust packing it into like shrimp shaped things and putting it in people's food or like you know you name it they did it if it could save them money that's what you guys are missing it's not about criminals per se it's about money it's about profit looking to like save a couple bucks and pocket it instead should get out of control quick. And if you live in a system that's as corrupt as the one over there, you can just pay people off. You can do whatever you want until people

start dying in big enough numbers, right? That's what the issue is. Anyway, go fuck yourself and smooches. How do you feel, Max, about the Food and Drug Administration? Thank God no companies can pay anybody off in the U.S. I'll start off by saying I don't know enough about it,

but I think that a majority of it is just different in Europe. They've got things that are okay there that are not here, and things that are okay there that are not here. Do you like that they test our foods and our drugs to make sure they're safe for consumption? That was the answer. Alright.

Time for Super Chats. Super Chats. Guys, one more time. Look at all that 20 bucks pouring in because of my marketing that you are trying to talk people out of with your fucking bullshit. You get a better prize. Give them two t-shirts. T-shirt and a flag. You get a flag because we've got all those flags to give away. What? Alright.

Oh, because you can't mail the flags Because they're weird shaped Because you can't have the poll Take the poll off And just send them the flag They can hang it on the Okay fine Fine

You get a flag and a shirt Guys don't forget to vote on All the problems At biggestproblem.show If you want to listen to Our latest bonus episode The biggest problem in Halloween A spooky sensation

Head on over to Patreon.com Slash biggest problem Or backed.by Slash biggest problem Our guest.by slash biggest problem. Our guest tonight is Max. Max, what's your last name? Renner.

Max Renner, host of Value Select TV on YouTube. Max, tell the people why they need to subscribe. Nobody's doing it quite like me. I think I started off into this biz because I was kind of feeling a lack of that quality entertainment in the modern media. Yeah. And I was waiting for somebody to come along, Night in Shining Armor, to make something that resonated with me of the classics that I enjoyed in my childhood. And nobody was. So I saw a gap in the market and I stuck to it.

You know, I never once tried to make something pander to the algorithm. Yeah. Just doing what I like. And fortunately, a lot of people kind of resonate on the same way. He's the opposite of me. I pander to the algorithm. Just doing what I like and fortunately a lot of people kind of resonate on the same way. He's the opposite of me. I was going to say that. I raced right to the bottom.

I gave up and now I just make trash. So if you want the opposite of that, head on over to ValueStyleTV. I'm sure there's craftsmanship in it. We got a good podcast. That's more important than what stupid crap I put on my YouTube channel. Alright. I will say guys, I've been streaming video games over on my channel though, and that I do take seriously. So come on

by YouTube.com slash Vito. Check it out. I have a voicemail about that. About my game streams? Yeah, here. Okay, what is this? Vito is a terrible streamer. Every time I turn it on, it's like it feels like a pity watch for about 10 minutes in the night.

I gotta shut it off. That's all I wanted to say. That's not constructive criticism at all! What's wrong with my streams? My streams are fun! We play the game and we have fun! What am I supposed to do differently? When you said you were streaming, it reminded me of that guy. Okay, well, other people are watching the streams

and they're having a very good time, and we've been playing Resident Evil, it's a lot of Evil. I'm sure it's great. Shut the fuck up. Koof is here for two. He says, thank you all for not killing yourselves. Thank you, Koof. Koof for another five. Vito, can I get you to give my buddy Antagonist a thank you for not killing yourself?

He requested it be specifically from you. Antagonist, thanks for not killing yourself. Right for five. I actually love the Isom comic books. We need more grounded street-level stories about lactating hell monkeys. That's true. Kevin Flesher's here for ten. Biggest problem in the universe is organized sports as an adult.

A bunch of 35-year-olds trying to relive youth and playing like we don't all have work on Monday. NHL scouts aren't here, bro. Calm down. This problem does not pertain to Vito. Yeah, no shit. You ever see all the Facebook photos of all your friends are part of like some dodgeball league? Adult dodgeball?

That's sad. I see a lot of that. And they all have like fucking headbands like ninjas or some shit. We need something like that, I think as adults. Adult kickball is another one I see. Yeah, yeah, but it's always just sad. It's kind of weird. There's always one guy who's ruining it.

He's getting too into it. You fucking stop. Taking it way too hard. Lemon Trashy for two. Says, I eat, number two. Culver Chicken Productions for two. Says, Vito is my N64. Red for two. Says, my pronouns are hippity hoppity.

Yeah. With a couple adorable emojis. Light Dot for five. Thanks, Dick and Vito. And shout out to my good friend. I'll just say it. Leonard Kimsikoff. Is he a Nazi? I don't know. Is that supposed to be some sort of

Probably a Nazi. I don't want to look it up. Okay. May he rest in peace. Tamungo for two. Biggest problem in the universe is bands of grown men singing about high school. Sam, for a big $20 on the board, live show Seattle slash Tacoma. I know you hate it, Dick, but I don't care.

And I love Value Select. Well, I don't hate it, but it's hard to get a venue. It's hard to get a venue in Seattle, right? Yeah. They look at your stuff and they're like, no, no, no, no, we don't want to do it. Maybe we can talk to some guys out there. Maybe we can do it at the Pink Gorilla Games in Seattle. He's a friend of the show.

Oh, he is? Yeah, yeah. He's got a big game store out in Seattle. I think he's got a couple locations. Like magic? No, like video games. He was supposed to come down here for our live show, but he was busy. Ryan for 10 Canadian dollars says, finally got around to watching Vito's appearance on Kick or Keep.

Absolutely crushed it. I did get invited back, but we're actually going to be on Danny Jokes, Danny Polisik's podcast next Tuesday. We're going to be on there. It's a call-in show. If people want to come by and call in. I'm going to come in. Hot for Hamas.

Do we know the name of his podcast? I feel bad. Low Value Mail. Me and Dick will be there on Tuesday. So I will be missing Kicker Keep that week. Looking forward to your next appearance. Not worth watching unless you're on it. Low value mail. Me and Dick will be there on Tuesday. And so I will be missing Kick or Keep that week. We're looking forward to your next appearance. Not worth watching unless you're on it. That's right. Everybody, if you watch Kick or Keep next week while I'm out there,

please comment in the chat, where's Vito? Constantly. So the hosts know. Plan B for eight. Biggest problem in the universe is people, in parentheses, women, that see a period at the end of a text as you being passive-aggressive and or upset with them. That's pretty good.

Kind of is, though, because you've got to go out of your way to put the period in there. Texting is an imperfect science, man. We've got to get rid of it. Just Ibon for five. Vito, you can still be a winner. I've started a fundraiser over at 400poundvito.fan. You just have to commit, bro.

That's cool. Do not weigh 400 pounds. You could. We're making progress. What if you had 1,000 bucks to gain 100 pounds? Could you do it? I'm not going to do that. I would not do that for 1,000 bucks.

Adventure Tim for five. Biggest problem in the universe is auto-flush toilets with sensors that are clearly live camera feeds used to judge the size of my manhood. They're looking at your penis. Jefferson for five. Eric July and Dick Masterson. Thug Shakin' Contest. Who's winning? What's Thug Shakin'? I have no idea what Thug Shakin' is.

Is that dancing? If it's dancing, I'm winning. You're gonna win the dance contest. Legacy for five. My wife and I love Value Select, and we've seen his show in Philadelphia before. Thanks for coming on to my favorite podcast. You have a show in Philly? I had a show, National Tour. I went all around the nation. That's awesome.

What do you do? Comedy and songs and stuff? I do, like I have all these songs that I've made, that I've extended and then I loop in, kind of like Mr. Show type. There's little sketches that go in between. That's awesome. You ever do shows in LA? I did one at the Terragram Ballroom. That's a good venue. That's a. Wow. You ever do shows in LA? I did one at the Terragram Ballroom.

Wow, that's a good venue. That's a great venue. We could have done a song setup for you. Well, next, now we know we can have musical guests. Come on my show. My show's better run than this. What the fuck? This is a good show.

You're having a good time. I'm having a blast. Yeah. Dick always promoting his show. You can plug in your guitar and play music and stuff. Well, next time that we've never done a musical guest, we should do one. We don't have the resources on this

show. Took you ten fucking hours to even get my fucking microphone working right, so God forbid you try to get a guitar amp running. Is that what I mean? The whole show you're like, oh, you've been doubled up the whole time. He doesn't even know. Riley and friends for five out of state to bury my grandmother and i see my dad for the first time in nearly a decade

tomorrow weird night but the show helps a lot thank you punch him walk up and fucking punch him don't punch you haven't seen your dad in a decade fucking fake him out at least and then go flinch flinch if he flches, take some money out. Here you go. Every time he tries to talk to you, just take out your phone and play, Father of mine, tell me where did you go? If you don't punch him, I'll be so disappointed. Or at least fake him out. Stomach.

Yeah, hit him in the stomach. But do it overhand. Express your dominance. This is your chance to prove that you have supplanted him As the patriarch of your family Yeah That in the ten years since he's been missing You have evolved into the alpha male And his mom's dead so it's no big deal

Yeah he's already emotionally vulnerable Now's your time to establish yourself as the alpha male Sarah Gardner's here for five Arse lured Casey Kasem realizing he's on a podcast With a couple of old farts Why don't you go fuck yourself Sarah You dumb bitch. You dumb Australian bitch.

Fuck you. Koo for five says can I get rslurred Casey Kasem to say thank you all for not killing yourselves thanks in advance. Casey, can we get that? Thank you all for not killing yourselves. That's terrific. That's exactly like...

I have no idea you don't know who Casey Kasem is tool chest for five what was your favorite part of the boogie doc well I still have not watched the whole thing I don't know what's your favorite

part dick I like when boogie called when boogie goes to do the job interview and then afterwards he calls the director and says he's not

getting a job and fuck the documentary and he's not doing the documentary anymore because he has four million YouTube subscribers because he's and he didn't getting a job and fuck the documentary and he's not doing the documentary anymore because he has 4 million YouTube subscribers. And he didn't think that would be in the documentary when he called, you can tell.

So he still thinks he's better than normal people. I'm glad he has blood cancer. I wish it was a more aggressive type of cancer. I hear you. Stop it. He's bad. He's a bad guy. Boogie, please get better. And the surest path to your recovery is to mail me that dragon statue and a Gaia's Cradle.

And then you're going to feel so much better. A Gaia's Cradle taps for one green mana for each creature you control. Is this a trading card? This is a Magic the Gaia card. This is a Magic the Gaia trading card. Part of their new gay set. No, it's an old set. It's not new.

Rex Sexton for 10. That theme park where a guy almost mass-shooted is also where a girl died on a ride the day after my girlfriend ridiculed me for double-checking the harness because the carnies who worked there weren't doing it. Oh, there you go. Biggest problem is women nagging. Yeah. Sarah Gardner for another two says, Vito is my favorite.

Actually, she just called me fat. Thanks, Sarah. Righty tighty for five. Vito is cheating with Ozempic and can't beat Ethan Ralph weight loss. I actually am off the Ozempic right now. Shocker. I'm trying to go natural. I'm going natural.

See? But why? Max approves. That's the way to go. Yeah. I'll tell you, man. If you just fast. Have you seen that guy?

Have you seen the guy? He was huge and he fasted For a month and he was fine Jared the pedophile Yeah When I take the Ozempic I'm like sick for like Two days after the injection And it sucks

It feels bad So I go to take it And then I'm like Oh god it's just gonna feel like shit Okay I don't know Maybe I could adjust to it

Geeth Or Geeks Sorry For five Are you a fan of Coach Z's number one jams? Is that a Homestar reference? Oh, yeah.

Austin for ten says, Vito, say these slowly. Six, the, sixth, the, sixth, the, sixth. Thanks, BB. All right, I completely did all that wrong. Zagathro for five. Max is the greatest musical talent of our generation and too pure for this show. Wow. I definitely feel bad.

He did a racist problem. I feel bad that we bring him on the show and you're praying for someone to get blood cancer. He already has blood cancer. He's got like a family-friendly persona and you're wishing cancer on Boogie. This is a horrible wish you're doing, Dylan. I don't know. That's not up to me. My persona's not up to me.

I'm just joking. But if I asked your channel for a rating, it's not like, you know, X. It's not R. I'm family friendly. R minus. I'd say, yeah, yeah. I'm family- You're family friendly. Yeah. Which fucking family? The one that murdered their kids and put them in a fucking oil drum? No, you're not

family friendly at all. What do you mean? What family are you friendly towards? In what way? You adopted all those hostages. You brought all those kids in. Yeah, I was talking about how it sucks that all those kids are getting killed. You are the least family friendly broadcast. You are a liability.

The least? It's horrific. People go, oh, who are you doing a podcast with? I go, Dick Mastro. They go, oh, that psychopath right wing nut job. Yeah, but they think every family friend. They hate families. All your friends? Liberals? You and Mr. Girl? That psychopath right wing nut job. Yeah, but they think every family friend, like family, they hate families.

All your friends, liberals, you and Mr. Girl, you're like. Mr. Girl does not hate families. He just hates them. Has very disturbing ideas about what family should entail. Anyway, Zagathro says Max is great musical talent. And that's what we're here to promote. Positivity on this show. Positivity.

Boogie, get better. We love you. I'm super happy he has blood cancer. Shut up! Stop it! So is he! I don't understand why we're pretending that this isn't a win-win. He does. Oh, thank God. It's something I can cry about all the time, and it takes like 50 years to kill me. The fucking obesity's gonna kill him first.

I'm the bad guy for pointing out the obvious. Welcome to our family-friendly podcast. Talking about a guy for pointing out the obvious. Welcome to our family-friendly podcast. Talking about a guy killing himself with his cancer. Oh, I have huge penis cancer. It's going to kill me in 70 years. It's the worst day of my life. Very family-friendly show.

We've got to get through these. John Ripschert 10, I have a good idea for Super Killer Vito. Glad you asked. A guy splits into three so he can't miss a shot. Then he misses two shots and has to shoot all three at once. That's actually a pretty good idea. I might steal that. Good idea, John. Panic pun for

10. Vito's right about Boogie. Is there a to be fair in there? No, I don't think there is. He has to shoot all three at once. Crazy, right? Oh, you think he almost got me? No, there's no B anywhere. Yeah, you're right. Huh. That would have been a good one to get me with. I don't know what that means. Panic pun for 10.

Vito is right about Boogie using manipulation against someone. He DM'd Turkey Tom about one of his videos that made him wanna off himself. Yeah, you're not getting Turkey Tom to take down any videos. Geeks for five. Vito, my boy, I agree. Idea Guys is the worst saga. The rest of Christory has been tainted and ruined forever, but at least there was some story. I have no idea what that means.

I don't know. Chris Chan? I don't know. Agnostic Uzumaki for 10. Vito, when you're pressed on something, can you either A, defend your position, or B, try to be funny? Mumbling passive aggressively and trailing off is annoying. Thanks. I do defend my position.

Fuck you guys. Preston S for two. What are you talking about, though? I don't know what that was in reference to. Whatever. People like to mumble a lot. See, here he goes. Preston S for two.

It's just the negging Vito show. That's all it is. Preston S for two. I'm negging. It's insulting. Yeah, well. There's a difference. Vito,. That's all it is. Press an S for two. It's not negging. It's insulting. There's a difference. Vito, what's your go-to ice cream flavor? I'll have all 31, please.

Shut up. I don't really like ice cream. I'm not an ice cream guy. I like simple chocolate vanilla. You know what I like? I like vanilla soft serve with the hot fudge or the chocolate shell. Talking about the shell is good. The dip was always fun.

Fosse's freeze. The dip makes it melt real quick, though. What about a McFlurry? You like that? No, no. I don't like all that crap in there. Cookies? The Oreo one is okay.

The M&M one I feel is bad. I don't understand putting M&M's in ice cream. What if it was Mountain Dew? Yeah, I would love it if it was Mountain Dew. I don't love Mountain Dew. I just like the Mountain Dew energy drink. It's a different flavor profile. James Gardner for 20 says,

Buy Albuquerque. Respect Christians. I agree. Rev for five, Accessible. X. Trucks me. What it is.

Polymorph. Eric Wong for five, Some comic book fan page on Twitter says that Isom has x-ray vision and voodoo powers. I tagged you both in the post. Nobody knows what his powers are. Well, we know he can fly. Zexi Lover for five.

Based on what Vito said, I would guess that the cookbook is the... Okay, well, he guessed it. Obtuse Isam for five. I'm not giving it away. Obtuse Isam for five. Hey, Vito, can you remind me what episode you cried on? Need to break in my new flashlight somehow. You know how it is.

The name of the episode is literally The One Where Vito Cries, so you should be able to find it on the YouTube pretty quickly. Nate Ring for five says, where's the merch, Vito? I started making a merch page. Did I not? I think so. Yeah, and then you told me the logo looked wrong, so I have to fix it. It did look wrong.

It was slanted I like I like drop shadows I'm a drop shadow man On a fucking shirt? Like it's outlined Like in black But then the black's like slanted one way

You mean it has a drop shadow It has a drop shadow I could show it to you I can get rid of the drop shadow It's weird It's not weird Where did you send it to me? I can get rid of the drop shadow. It's weird. It's not weird. Where did you send it to me? It was on your email, I think.

All right. I mean, I'll change it. I do like a good drop shadow. See? I also like it. I think it's more tasteful than an outline for videos. I don't know how it turned out. No, for a t-shirt.

On a t-shirt. Look. Because it could be a... Don't you think that's odd for a t-shirt. On a t-shirt. Look. Because it could be a... Don't you think that's odd for a t-shirt? Where is the... Oh, it looks girthy. That's what you're saying, right? Well, it's like, look.

Look at the the. Yeah. See how it's like slanted this way. It looks like a smudge. Like, why the fuck would there be a drop on a t-shirt? That does look a little off. Just a little bit. I like the bulbousness of it, but the top That does look a little off. Just a little bit. I like the

bowl business of it, but the top spot does look a little off. That part I could make. This is fine, but then this part. I mean, you're not going to really see that. This only matters on the white shirt. Anyway, on the black shirt you're not going to see any of that. Yeah.

You can't print black on black, though. Then it's going to be a weird film of black ink. Yeah You can't print black on black though Yes Couldn't it just be not Because then it's going to be a weird film of black ink I just said it's not there on the black one Oh okay It's different logos on different shirts

Well you said you're not going to see it Which makes me think Yeah you're not going to see it because it's not there There is no black layer on the black shirt So okay So you're not going to see it because it's not there You're not going to see it because it's not there One more question

There won't even be the illusion of a drop shadow because there's no way to express it without it will only be on the white shirt. Okay. People in the chat, make a poll real quick. Do you want a drop shadow on your shirt or not? That's it. Okay. Start a poll. I can get rid of the drop shadow. It's not a big deal. Do you want a shitty

looking shirt? God damn it, that's not the question. Come on. I like the drop shadow. It makes it pop a little bit. It's fucking bullshit. It's not how you ask the question. Drop shadow. Do you want a drop shadow on the white T-shirt?

And it's only on the white shirt. Do you want a drop shadow on the white shirt or not? I might do a yellow shirt. I was debating whether there should be a yellow shirt. Yeah, that's fine. Okay. I don't know how to move it over. Just a... There you go.

Start pulling. I have to get rid of that. Yeah. All right. People can let me know. No drop shadow. Okay. The drop shadow looks fine.

It's not a shitty drop shadow. Okay. I saw it and I was like, what the fuck is that? Oh, whatever. It's because you saw it mocked up on a shirt, so it looks different. Rex Exit for five. I was banging this chick and noticed the name on a bunch of mail on her kitchen table and later figured out she had a husband in Afghanistan.

Ooh-rah. Oh! Banging war women. Project's done poorly for five. NerdRoddick's now deleting comments on his videos that are critical of Isom. I think another week and all Isom shells will regret lying about it. Hammer them all.

Tell them and do it secretly. Pretend that you wanted to like it and it was just disappointing. Don't say it was shit. Say you've been a fan for a long time. I really liked it. It was just okay, but it's not worth $35. Say stuff like that. Don't come in with like, don't look obvious. You gotta work it in. I really wanted it to be good. I bought it. It was just okay, but it's not worth $35. Say stuff like that. Don't come in with like, don't look obvious.

You got to work it in. Like, I really wanted it to be good. I bought it for my kid, but it's just like, I think it's inappropriate. Like, it's the little stuff you got to get through. The little stuff. I think it's inappropriate. That's how you hit them. That's how you hit them.

Don't leave fake ISOM reviews. Just say you've read it, if you've read it, and tell them what you think. Fake. All fake. Stop. Blanket everything with fake reviews. I disavow.

Dusty, settle for five. People who spend too long in hot tubs get dehydrated. That's why they die. Same with raves. You got to stay hydrated, right? You wouldn't know. With drugs.

Yeah, with drugs. Ryan for five. I like how the guys who don't care about kids suddenly care about kids with the stepdad problem. Exactly what I'm saying. Maxwell for 12. Mr. Vito, it's your boy Prime. Normally I like how the guys who don't care about kids suddenly care about kids with the stepdad problem. Exactly what I'm saying. Maxwell for 12.

Mr. Vito, it's your boy Prime. Normally I like your videos, but you're unfairly targeting the Marvels. It'll be fine. Leave that woman energy to chumps like the quartering. Well, I'm not saying it's going to be bad because of women. It's going to be bad because of... What do you call it? It's getting really bad.

Superhero movies are gay. It's stupid. It's just a bad premise. I said are gay. Stupid. Just a bad premise. I said they should have just made a straightforward Captain Marvel sequel. Probably would have done better. Dumb Username for five. Casey. Case and voice.

Visit biggestproblem.show. There are no ads on this website. Visit biggestproblem.show. There are no ads on this website. Even just the growl at the end of the sentence. You've heard this guy before. Plumbo for five. Women, stop having kids for randoms. Men, raise

kids you made. Rusty Shackleford for ten. My dad is a stepdad to my two older brothers. Despite his flaws and boomerisms, he's fucking great. Fun to drink with, too. Voted up. Yeah, I molested him. No, shut up. There was no molestation. It's a loving family. Tenshi for five. Max

is a genius. Wow! He's truly figured it out. Visit Value Select and experience the Diamond Age. Best YouTuber on the best podcast. What a joy. Wow. See, I told you people love this guy. Unlike us where they just come to shit on me

and I don't know. I guess they like you for some reason. They just are trying to help you lose weight. Yeah, it's really working. Koo for two. All the negativity is really getting me there. It started positive. K you for some reason. They just are trying to help you lose weight. Yeah, it's really working. Coup for two. All the negativity is really getting me there. It started positive. Coup for two. Shut up. Welcome back to Twitter, Null.

Thank you for not killing yourself in Serbia. Oh, thank God Null's back on Twitter. God bless. You're the one man keeping us safe from degeneracy. Which one of his accounts got unbanned? Pedophiles. I don't know. Okay.

That's what fucking Coup's saying. Well, I'll have to see it. I assume he's done his research. Beard hair flosser for 10. Boogie's daughter wife is keeping that fat man going, Vito. I promise you there's a broken lady boy out there listening to you right now. Love you both. Keep up all these laughs.

Okay. Adam Smith for a big 20. Vito, you sabotage yourself and avoid losing weight. Okay. Because being fat is your safety blanket. You want to believe that you have the option to become happy, but also worry that you still might not be if you do lose the weight. I have lost weight before, okay?

I have been relatively skinny. It's not sabotaging and safety blanket. I just like food a lot. You know how Dick really likes alcohol? I really like food. That's it. It's simple. Yeah, but I don't let it affect my

whole life i've still maintained a really level of excellence really yeah i wake up and work out every day i don't want to i'm hung over but i wake up i have to drive home doesn't matter if i'm drunk i do it hasn't affected your life at all? I just like food, man. I went to that Tam O'Shanter's, and I can't stop thinking about how good it was. You had a fucking steak in the middle of the day, man. I at least wait until like 3 to drink. You're fucking eating a steak and a baked potato at fucking 11.15. It doesn't come with a baked potato. It was mashed potatoes and a popover and cream corn.

A big old Prince Charles cut of prime rib. Uh-huh. A big old Prince Charles cut of prime rib. Surfer Girl6914FCallyPix for five says, Hey, Tuba Fairy, do cans of Mountain Dew expire? You didn't need to finish them. How many tubs of Mountain Dew can you buy with $900? Please be fair to your supporters.

Okay, nice try. Girl1 for one. Thank you. Koof for five. Dick encouraging boogies woman to eat. I can't believe it. What happened to you? Everybody needs to lose 20 pounds. Did you forget about that last fat watch?

She needs to lose 400 pounds. No, she needs to eat. She's like a Eugenia Cooney looking lady. Stinky poopy face for two. This is the biggest problem in the universe is me. Okay. Guerrero for another dollar. Thank you.

Joe Ray for 10. Good for Trevor Moore. I remember the circumstances of his death being weird and hush-hush when it happened. LP Dirty T. Stop trying to make him do Casey Kasem voices. You got to pay more. I'll do it all day. I'll do it all day.

No, but they got to pay more than two bucks, so don't give this one to him. Don't give it to him. No, you sure? Don't give it to him. Not for two bucks. Hey, listen. I think you should give it to him. They've been so kind.

All right. He says, Casey Kasem voice, boogie by the shirt. Boogie by the shirt. All right. It is pretty good. Drunk in Atheist Studio for 10. I was chilling with the dude who gave me my computer. I mentioned I was using it to do clips for Biggest Problem in the Universe. That's true.

Drunk in Atheist Studio has been making some great clips. Oh, yeah. If you've been watching him on the show, please subscribe to him. Says, it turns out he's a fan of the old show and even met Maddox at a signing in Chicago. Huh. Small world. This is small world. I really do think about Maddox not being able to go to these big live shows and meet all

the fans, which is so exciting. He should. He should just show up and crash them. He should just show up and crash them. Maddox, you're invited. I should show up. No, you're not invited. I'm allowed to invite Maddox.

Okay, go do whatever you want. I don't have any bad blood with Maddox. You're invited. I don't know if you're aware of this guy, Maddox. I've heard the rumors. Okay, go do whatever you want. I don't have any bad blood with Maddox. You're invited. I don't know if you're aware of this guy, Maddox. I've heard the rumors. Oh, you've heard the rumors. I've heard the rumor. Casey Kasem.

Maddox is probably more famous to young people than Casey Kasem. I know him through you guys. There you go. Pigeon for $20 says, I want to guess that Vito spent $600 on DoorDash this week. $600 is currentlyDash this week. All right. $600 is currently the guess. $600 a week? Jesus Christ.

Abe Wiltfong for two says, when are we getting real merchandise for the show? Soon. As soon as you guys figure out if you want a drop shadow or not. Pop Quiz for 20 says $175. Clayton Bigsby for 20 guesses $150. $175 and Clayton $150 says $150 Let's hit a refresh. We'll see if a couple other people have guesses

One more Well, I mean if they spent $20 One more refresh They had plenty of time Okay, I know they had plenty of time But we got a lot of people watching the show Keep going There you go, right there time. Okay, I know they had plenty of time. But we got a lot of people watching the show. Keep going.

There you go, right there. Fat R Slur. Hey, really? Yeah, right above Clayton. Oh, yeah, fat retard, okay. Well, I was trying to avoid saying it to be not demonetized, but $230. You get demonetized by saying R Slur? Yeah. I think so. I actually don't know if you do. I say it a lot. You probably don't,

actually. I did get a message from a fan who asked me to stop taking the Lord's name in vain, but I think he's a YouTube fan, or like my, you know. Yeah. He's watching like my YouTube channel. I'm like, yeah, that's just not going to happen. Yeah. If you give me like $1,000, I'd do it. I don't even say it that much.

Well, he wasn't saying it to you. I think I say Jesus Christ a lot. Oh. But Jesus can deal with it. Ride Dog for $20 says $1. $1 going over. That's a good one for Rydog. DJK367, for what I assume is the equivalent of $20 American dollars, says $217.

$217. Cool. Michael Winning for $2 says, where can I buy the flag outright? We will put it on the merch store, which is coming. Yeah. Rusty Shackleford for 20 guests. Rusty. For 2069.

Wow, you guys are not giving me any credit. It's only been all week. I didn't, all right? It's not that much. Ron Aver for 20. Super off topic, but I just listened to bonus episode 30 of The Dick Show.

God, it was funny. It was Maddox sexting, if you forgot. Yeah, that was a good one. That's a good episode. I got to listen to more of the bonus episodes from Maddox. Oh, yeah.

So he was sexting with this girl. How'd you get your hands on it? She gave all of them to me. And I read them. I've seen the TikTok videos he's doing. So he's out there TikTok-ing that. Yeah, and then it was during when something happened with his RSS feed where I got control of it. And he's sexting with her when that happens.

He goes, I don't know what's happening. I can't unscramble it. I'm going to call the police. That's where that screenshot comes from. He's cranking it and then his RSS feed gets hijacked. Which was actually your RSS feed because you owned it.

LP Dirty T is playing some games for $20. He says $2. Is it closest without going over? Is that the game? Of course. I'm just checking. Price is right. Sam for $10. Finally, someone who knows how to give a pitch. Enjoyed seeing you in Seattle. Thanks for not killing yourself. I think that's for you,

sir. Is that to me? Yeah. You're a good pitchman. Joe Ray for $20. Vito spent $3.20 on DoorDash. Wow. Diamond G for $2 says Wait, no, no, no, no. He only spent $2. He's trying to trick me. Diamond G for $20. Nice try.

Sam for $2. Looking to Tacoma. The vibe is better than Seattle. Guys, send us a venue suggestion. That's the way to do this. Not a city. We know where all the cities are. If you know a cool local place that'll let us host like, you know, 80 people, that's... I don't know how many would show up, but...

John Doe for five. Why did Crimson not get the job? Because he thought work from home meant working from his bed. Ryan for five. Speaking of Magic the Gathering, Dick and Vito, what are your main colors? I'm a black greensman. I like red and blue. I like doing counter spells because it pisses.

Yeah, that's bullshit. You're a bad person. What is with that? Plumbo for five says, love your shirt. This is my That's All Funny podcast t-shirt, which was sent to us. We also have some cool stickers here I got to take home. Yeah. Don't forget, check out the That's All Funny podcast.

I also want to mention real quick, I know you guys might know Cara Froh, who's one of our moderators. I don't think she's in the chat tonight. This is a little heavy, but there was like a family situation. Let's put it that way. If you go to my Twitter, there's like a fundraiser. If you guys want to throw her a couple bucks.

She's trying to not get kicked out of her house. We love Cara. What the hell? It's trying to not get kicked out of her house. We love Karen. What the hell? It's, it's, uh, trying to not get kicked out of her house. Well, her,

she has like a kid, right? She has like a daughter. Okay. And she has like an ex-husband, right? Okay. I think the ex,

the ex-husband died. I don't think he, I don't think he killed himself. I think he just died. And now she's like, oh, that was cool. That was all my child support and shit.

Now I'm fucked. So, you know. Okay. Whatever. This is literally the Casey Kasem. You can go to your Twitter and read about it. This is literally the Casey Kasem clip. You don't go from an exciting, fun show down to a downtrodden.

I mean, I don't know. I read it and then I just went, you know what? I'm just giving this away. So I should say single mom with kids. Single mom with her know. I read it and then I just went, you know what, I'm just giving this away. So she's a single mom with kids? A single mom with her kid. I sent her 50 bucks. If you guys want to send her some money, feel free. Okay. Or send us $20 for the stupid t-shirt contest.

Either way. Rep for five. I'll make sure she hears about it if you send us the 20 bucks. I felt like I should say something. Kara's a great moderator. She's a great moderator in the chat. I feel bad. It's getting into the holidays. It's not good. How did Dick get into Goblin Slayer? Is that the only anime slash manga you're into?

Because of the rapes. It had that thing where the cartoon was like, they're all getting raped. I was like, let me check that out. That's what happens. You gotta watch Pluto on Netflix now. Great anime. Ryan for five. Family friendly says the guy who talks about kids getting molested every episode. You.

You. You do that. You bring it up way more than I do. I don't think so. You brought it up. Your entire stepdad problem was that.

No, it was about guys talking about stepdads. And you kept focusing on what percentage of them are abusing children. That's on you. Shut up. I don't think so.

Preston asks for two. Food poisoning is my weight loss secret Dreadclown for two says Sing a few bars of Tell me what your dad's like Jose M for five Vito have you tried going

The fat modgin boo to super boo Followed the tweet diet of Az from heels vs babyface Who is true woman melt meme With his pro down melt down We gotta talk about him next week We will I need a whole week for that

Fucking toe Him and Shad Geeks for five. Value Select is great. Great combo of comedic lyrics slash premises on top of slick music. MC Can't Read is a national hero. MC Can't Read. Fantastic.

I got characters. He's got characters. I do costumes. I do voices. I love it. I get in front of my webcam and I complain about what Marvel movies are coming out. So there's value in that as well, of course. I might make something interesting at some point.

Jose M for 10. Dick spoke truth to power when he said all rip-a-simp YouTubers never read the comment and can't mention one favorite moment from it. Had no cultural impact. All exposed as Nina Infinity type Karens. It is crazy that they're now triggered by, hey, what is your favorite part? How could you ask me that? That is the most ridiculous question I've ever been asked. That's what

it looks like. That's what you have to do. Yeah. What I did. You exposed it all. Messed everybody up and now they're still getting messed up. Now they're scrambling to try to now they're trying to ask their friends who know famous comic writers to say it's good and they can barely squeak out a compliment

and then they're all melting down over it. Alright, are you gonna... We're gonna have the AlphaCore numbers next week, right? It comes out on Monday. Do you wanna do your weigh-in next week and the DoorDash this week? We can do both. Let's do both. We're a week over for the weight loss. Do you wanna be the proctor for

his weight loss? I'd be honored to. What do I do? Max, put that scale on the... Put the scale on the tile. I don't need a proctor. I can... You can't trust him. You can't... Give me a... Put the scale on the tile. You're gonna have to bend over, Vito. Don't just kick my scale like a fucking soccer ball.

Shut up. And then you give me a... Max, you give me a... Thumbs up means... Thumbs up means he's under 300. Okay. Because his last weigh-in was 298, I think. And a thumbs down means he's over 298.

Over 298. Yeah, 290. So he works different than mine. So under 300, thumbs up. Under 298, thumbs up. Okay. Can you read it? Oh! He's under! He's under 298! Okay. Can you read it?

Oh! He's under! He's under 298! Okay, okay, give him another way. Give him another way in. You gotta let the scale have a breather after that. Okay, memorize the number in your head, Max. Memorize the number in your head. Don't say it, and then come over here and say it into the microphone. He's gone from 210, or 310.6. He's under 298.

What is he at? Vito, come over here. Sit down. How many times do you... He thinks that you need to get on a scale like five or six times before you... We're doing that last number that popped up, right? It gives you two different numbers. The first number is better than the second one.

I want to go with that one. That's supposed to happen. First number was pretty good. Second number is still pretty good. Go with the lowest number. We're fine with that. The lowest number? The lowest number is better than the second one. I want to go with that one. That's supposed to happen. First number was pretty good. Second number is still pretty good. Go with the lowest number. We're fine with that. The lowest number. The lowest number.

Okay, well, I didn't get the decimal, but... 293. Oh! Oh! Thank you. Thank you. That's pretty good. That's pretty good.

Stop it. You can lose it. You're close. I'm not close. Well, what am I... Is that 17 pounds? Yeah. Well, your goal is 280.

Remember. So I'd have to lose 13 pounds in a month. You can do it. You can easily do that. You can do that in a month? Just stop drinking fucking sugar. There's no sugar. It's 10 calories.

Stop. All right. Zero. Going to Tam O'Shanter to celebrate this win. Stop eating potatoes. Stop Alright Zero I'm going to Tam O'Shanter to celebrate this win Stop eating potatoes I love potatoes though Lift weights Lift a little bit of weights

I did lift weights I lift weights this week With what? I mean just like fucking you know dumbbells Or you know fucking arm weights Wow I can't believe you're You could lose 13 pounds in one month. Easy. I know I could.

It's tough, though. I'd really have to fast the whole time. No. That's more than two pounds a week. No problem. I've probably lost four or five pounds. I think I only have three weeks left, though. And then the last five days, just do coke the entire time.

Look, here's what I want to say is it'll suck if I don't. You can do it too. That's not what I was going to say. Even if I don't make it, I'm happy that there is progress. And as I keep saying, I've made new life choices and decisions. And as long as it keeps moving in the right direction, I'm happy. Okay. And I'll try to lose 13 pounds in a month.

You have to hit it, though, or else it's a big loss for everyone and you. It's not that bad. If you don't hit it, all that shit you said doesn't really matter. You can only say that stuff if you hit it. Get me a personal trainer for the last month. Let's do it. Yeah, but you won't do it. We'll document the whole thing.

I'll do it. Okay. There's no way this figure is accurate. It is! This is all your DoorDash orders? Why do you think I lost the fucking weight? Okay. Good point. Well, in that case,

LP Dirty is the winner. With $2. Really? Yeah. I'm not going to tell everybody what it is, but... No, tell them. You can tell them. $55. That's shocking. Respectable sum. I'll tell you exactly what it was. Okay, this is pretty bad.

Saturday, October 28th. He's going down memory lane here. I got a pastrami sandwich and what are called piggy fries. Can I get a salad? That was like a cheat day That was my cheat day Was the Saturday

Okay Uh huh Sunday no DoorDash Monday, Tuesday nothing Today I got Some pork dumplings And a boba tea or whatever For lunch?

Yeah Okay You gotta have a salad for lunch. I had a salad yesterday. With no, not a lot of dressing, just oil and vinegar. Well, I mean, I like the dressing. It adds a lot of flavor to it. So we did that and we did the weigh-in.

I can't believe that you're in shitting distance of the goal. What was the last, wasn't it like 300 at the live show? Yeah So everyone should be happy And stop giving me shit Such a cocky though You finally started working Right when it's almost too late

I told you it was gonna take time To figure I have to restructure my diet I have to figure out what I actually enjoy eating that doesn't destroy my body. Got to make room for the occasional pastrami sandwich on a Saturday. And fries. And fries. All right.

Thanks for coming in, Max. From that place, the Oinkster. You're great, guys. Thank you for having me. Sorry I took so long. One more time, guys. You got to subscribe. YouTube.com slash ValueSelectTV.

Don't forget to check out biggestproblem.show to vote on all the problems if you're not subscribed to this channel what are you doing you gotta hit that subscribe button and check out our latest bonus episode at patreon.com slash biggest problem i want to thank all our supporters weegee board adam andrea jackson don't read them. Tulip. Tyler. I can read a couple of them. Wet Bandit. Pokemon Guy. James. Goodbye, everyone. Thank you so much, Petty Patong. We love you all. And we'll be back next week

when I lose another 17 pounds. I can't fucking believe that. I cannot believe it. It's gonna happen. Why can you not believe it? It's not completely unbelievable that I would believe it. It's going to happen. Okay. Why can you not believe it? It's not completely unbelievable that I would lose weight. I mean, I thought you'd be up more.

I thought you'd be up even higher. I'm doing great. Everything's going great. Fuck this show.