The Biggest Problem in the Universe - episode 117

Episode Date: December 2, 2023

Okay. All right, are we ready? Yeah. Transition over. And done. There you go. You. What?

What is this? How are you going to come over here sick right before Christmas? It's all your fucking whole sphere of people's fault, okay? You're sick. Yeah, because I went to fucking anti-vaxxer Thanksgiving. Vito. With your best friend Josh Denny and Carl And all these guys go Oh the vaccine's gay

And they run around putting their COVID hands on everything So do you think you have COVID? Nah I don't know I got something from these fellas Then why would a COVID vaccine Which doesn't work Have anything to do with you getting cold I think it's just their whole generic way of life

Where it's like well not only You're saying they're unhealthy You're saying Josh Denny and Carl Spitali Compared to you are unhealthy How do you come in You sit right there and act shocked That I'm moving you over there At least you're not spitting right in my face

Jake's making me sit in the fat kid In the sick kid chair The fat sick kid chair I sat down. I said, don't touch anything in my house. I'm going to lick the microphone. Well, that's Sean's. Do you not understand how sickness works?

I'm not that sick. Being sick at all is what transfers over to other people. Then they get their own sickness. It doesn't work like that. I'm just saying. I have just like a cough at this point. So you're at the most When did you start getting sick? I don't know. Yes, you do.

How did you feel yesterday? I know that on No, like last Saturday after the show, I was the most sick. Last Saturday? Yeah. What do you mean? You were sick last week too? Yeah. Have you been sick for a whole fuck I might have gotten sick from you Did you get sick on purpose to lose weight?

It's not I don't think getting sick helped me lose weight Although I have just been Drinking chicken broth for a fucking week So maybe that helped This is how you are in our big get with Carl Jobst You're like sick out of your mind I'm not sick out of my mind I'm a little sick out of my mind. I'm a little bit sick

and I said, oh, I got a little bit of a cough and then you like a baby went, you have to sit in that chair. Get away from me. Don't touch me. I thought you guys were so tough because, you know, you don't have the vaccine. You have natural immunity to everything. Why do you keep talking about the vaccine?

It doesn't work. It didn't work for anybody. It was a fucking scam. It works. You just didn't want it because you're like, oh, I'm the ultimate man. I'll never get it. No, it just obviously doesn't work. It obviously is bullshit. I think if you had it, you would be less scared of me and my contagion.

You know, it only allegedly works against COVID. They're not like, do you know how many people many people Like I know all of you guys think this Like the cold vaccine is like also protects against the flu Or the flu vaccine also protects against the cold It doesn't It's all part of the same ecosystem No it's not all part of the same system Your body knows that it's healthier

That's what's important You sound like shit No I sound good I have a little tickle in my throat. I might sneeze aggressively. I'm going to get fucking sick for Christmas. It's not even close to Christmas. What is today?

I get sick for like three or four weeks at a time. You're going to fuck up my whole thing, man. Well. Well, you got to wash your hands. Why don't you have an isolation chamber? I didn't touch anything. Stop. You're just so You're so reckless Which is what got you sick in the first place

I never get sick Okay Alright sometimes I get sick I get sick when I'm You're starting to get fucking sweating Thinking I'm getting sick right now I'm sick when I have to interact with more than a few people I got sick at the live show

You gotta stop putting your fingers in your mouth That's where my fingers go. Where else am I supposed to put them? And now you want to... Now we've got Carl coming on. Now we've got Carl Jobst. Yeah. He'll be joining us in about half an hour.

Very excited to have him. Yeah. Of course, investigative journalist, speed runner, the man who exposed Billy Mitchell Mitchell the man who is now currently Exposing the completionist And an apparent expert In the world of charity fraud Which is a topic that we find endlessly fascinating

On this show So we're going to bring him in at about half an hour And talk to him about that And I'm sick And Dick's all upset about it Well yeah cause you're also like we shouldn't do problems until after the guest and i don't think that's a good idea he's gonna do a problem he's gonna do yeah i know but we should do a problem first but then we can't else everyone's

gonna like check out it's not it's gonna be different it's a very let's put it this way it's a very special problem what he's doing it It's like an investigative report, like top of the hour kind of thing. Yeah, I mean, but that's not the show. The show is like problems. The show should change. The show can evolve. But why? It's not that.

We're trying a new format, okay? Oh, this is just. Why every time? Everything about this is such a fucking disaster. It's not. You are catastrophizing it. No, no, no, no, no, no. You are catastrophizing it for no reason.

And then a guest problem. It's like setting him up for failure. It's not setting him up for failure. I just don't know why your instincts are so bad for setting up the format of these call-ins. My instincts are excellent, and Carl's a fucking genius, so he doesn't need a runway. He doesn't need a demonstration on how to talk on a topic. Why would he need a demonstration?

The show is problems. It's for the audience. I explained the show to him. He knows the show. But the show is problems. It's not getting a guest on and interviewing them. It's not going to be an interview.

Okay. It's going to be a problem. We should have done a problem first. This is like the treatment all over again. Yeah, I know. I do the work and make it good, and you... And nobody calls us back.

Well, nobody's going to call us back anyway, because they're only making game shows, is what they say. So your treatment got zero callbacks. You know that, right? You see that, right? Your treatment... My treatment was not submitted.

Okay. It was a collaborative treatment. No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yours was yours. Don't blame me for the fail. Look, I came up... I'm not blaming.

I came up with the idea, okay? Uh-huh. So we wouldn't have had anything if I didn't have that. At least I had an idea. That's worth something, right? No, it's worth jack shit. Yeah, well. All right, are we ready to do the show?

I think so. Okay. Just endless negativity. I got a bad feeling about this already. No, it's going to be good. Why? Because it's the biggest problem in the universe. Welcome to the biggest Problem in the universe. Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe.

The only show that ranks every problem in the universe. I didn't get a fucking rhyme. That's what I forgot. Yeah, well, maybe focus on that before you worry about me ruining the show, asshole. From too many immigrants to all the money you spent. How about that one? Sure. You have a stick master's in joining me.

Oh, he's his veto. I wish you were a little bit further away from me. Hack, hack, cough, cough. Welcome to your favorite podcast. Although we're not everyone's favorite podcast, I've been looking at these Spotify numbers. Yeah. With the most listened shows of the year. But I think we lose out because we're a weekly show

Oh is Carl not? I think Carl does I think Carl also puts up All his little stupid bonus bullshit And whatever And who are these socials That counts as one feed for him? Yeah I think so

Oh He's gaming the system somehow He's gaming the system Because people are If you're posting And Carl is ahead of us On your Spotify thing, don't tag me in it. Tag yourself with a nine millimeter in your head. Why are you listening to all his stupid spinoff shows?

Who are these buttholes? And where are my pants? Whose butthole is this? I don't know. What are these? All these fucking Mr. Question Mark. You should get that suit with all the question marks all over it. That guy was cool. That guy was

cool. I saw him at a conference. People get free money from the government. I knew his name at one point. Oh well. Anyway, we're at least people's third most favorite podcast. That's not any good. Third sucks. We're getting there. I was on PKA yesterday. Oh, were you?

Yeah, I was good. It was all right. What TV shows did you guys talk about? We ended up talking about they're watching the Jack Reacher TV show, so we talked about that for a while. Okay. I haven't seen it. You haven't seen it? No.

Do you bring in any of your own shows, like Invincible or anything? Invincible, I didn't talk. No, no Invincible talk, really. Oh, yeah. They grilled me about the weight loss contest. We're not doing that. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we're going to edge people till the end of the show.

I got a special treat for you. What? Because you broke my other scale. How did I break your scale? Good question, Vito. How did you break your scale? Good question, Vito. How did you break my scale? I didn't break your scale. The cleaning lady touched it, according to her.

She just grabbed it to move it gingerly out of the way, and it shattered on her. Totally shattered. I do wonder why all the scales are made of glass, though. Well, they're made of windshield glass, but that's not rated for... It's supposed to be rated up to 400 pounds. It's not.

Micro fractures. They're literally bathroom scales. Have you seen the average American? That's their fault. They should be making... I don't know why they make them out of fucking tempered glass. Because those guys don't weigh themselves. No.

It's like torture for them. And they know it. So I have a new scale. Wow. And it has a Bluetooth on it. So when you weigh yourself It's gonna go only to my phone Oh so I'm not gonna know

So you're not gonna know That's retarded That's a stupid list The amount of suspense Is going to be Palpable Is going to be How much suspense?

When are we Like how long are you gonna hold on to that information? For Forever I don't know I could hold on to it For the entire, for at least two hours when we finally do it. That's a dumb gimmick. Okay.

The winner for last week was Immigration, me. Then Buyer's Remorse, you. Yes. And then Too Much Time Between Animated Seasons. At least that was positive. Yeah. What was the last one? Not enough leftovers.

Was that negative? No, I think it might have been positive. Although all the comments were like, I haven't watched the episode yet, but I'm sure Vito's problem is not enough leftovers. I'm like, I don't do every food problem on the show. Sometimes Dick does a food problem. Yeah. What was I going to say?

You'd kind of be asking for it if you brought that one in. I did enjoy, after the show, a lot of people said, hey, that Pac-Man did look like a good purchase, and I saw a few fans of the show went and picked up a copy. How many? At least one or two. One or two, maybe. Two or three.

One. I almost bought more because they went from $20 down to $15. So you bought more Pac-Man? To give away. Because they're like good gifts. I almost bought more because they went from $20 down to $15. So you bought more Pac-Man? Why? Because they're like good gifts. I have friends who have Nintendo Switches and like stupid crap. Like this?

Yeah. You almost bought more of this? I almost bought more of that. Do his fists launch off if you press the button? They do. They do launch off. It's got everything, man. Okay.

Well. The Black Pac-Man. Nick Ricado Okay, well. The Black Pac-Man. Nick Riccato was leaving comments about the Black Pac-Man. Were they racially themed? They were racially themed comments. Thanks, Nick. I was just like, I don't know. At least Nick's listening to the show.

Lawyers can't help themselves. All right, you got some comments for us? Yeah, yeah, yeah. MC Hellshit. Holy shit, that Christmas voted up stinger with the incomprehensible lyrics had me dying. Everybody really liked that one. Yeah. Sean Langham, I love watching Dick and Vito try to open boxes on the show.

Okay. Nightcore, Gayness, uh, not getting my Superkiller comic until next year because Vito's too busy making trapezoid hats. I still think that's a good idea. That hat's not a trapezoid, though. Yeah, but this hat... Would you prefer it to be? I think if... Well, this one's like a trapezoid though yeah but this hat would you prefer it to be i think if well this one's like a patch but you don't think that would look a little bit like mad hattery like

mad hatter shitty halloween costume like if you had a slight amount of distortion to offset the wrapping around of the hat um i might be a genius dot executable says ripaverse is looking up to be a very progressive comic by Eric. Ricky Retardo is soon to be a cultural icon for my leftist value system. How about that? Ricky's the most powerful. There are no special needs superheroes in the main Marvel DC pantheon. Are there not?

There should be at least one. Just a little bit. And one who's not like a dumb rock monster guy. Like, it's got to be just a guy who's like, and I can help too, Superman. It's like, oh, hey, cool. Well, that's bizarro Superman is that. Isn't he retarded?

He's like a monster man. I want just like a regular. Like a suave James Bond kind of retarded guy. I don't think an apple juice. Poor. No pulp. Apple juice doesn't have pulp, Dan. Remember how you come from?

Chemo shop here. What did you say your name was? A lot of pussy? You mean like a vagina? I'm James Retarded Bond. I'm James Retarded Bond. I'm James Retarded Bond. I'm James Retarded Bond.

James, you need to stop telling people you're retarded. You're throwing off the mission. I just think they need to know. Now, James, this is a toothbrush. You want to use this twice a day, once in the morning and once at night. Oh, interesting. And where does it go? That voice is a little too perfect.

I feel like this is a pretty good character that could be expanded upon. The fierce prostitute mouth! I know, now you do. Okay. AJ double zero. Damn, Vito, I'm disappointed you didn't make an old lady cry. Okay AJ00 Damn Vito I'm disappointed You didn't make an old lady cry

Yeah People want us to get her on the show Maybe we will Nacho mama David Friesner Wow I've never seen anyone lose faster Than when Vito said

Buyer's remorse You have buyer's remorse Because you're a compulsive spender Vito Stop buying Trash I mean That's part of it. I do buy a lot of garbage.

What garbage showed up at my house this week? I got a blender, finally. Oh. I've known to blender. What kind of blender? I got one of those Ninja blenders because, again, I love that guy. The blended Hot Wheels? Yeah, to blend all my Fortnite figures like Ninja would do.

What have you made with your blender? Nothing yet. But now I'm worried I was supposed to get one of those stick blenders. Is that better? You got to get like a Vitamix. Yeah. Stick blenders. That's good.

You can cram like a chicken in there with a stick blender. Maybe I got to do that. Martin O'Keefe says, I've been laughing all week at Vito falling for the GameStop girl. I thought Vito had more self-awareness than most nerds. I've been proved wrong and he fits the mold. But he spelled it M-O-U-L-D. I'm a run-of-the-mill loser.

That's not me. What do you mean I don't have self-awareness? I have perfect self-awareness. You're not allowed to have a crush on a girl? I can't go, hey, that chick at the GameStop was in my league and seems nice. You know how many bartenders I've wanted to fuck? What does that mean? Am I just never supposed to be attracted to a woman?

At GameStop. At GameStop. Yeah, that's too on the nose. Why don't you fuck yourself, Martin O'Keefe? Rex Sexton says, I literally gave Vito five plus clips of my published comedy writing, and I did that alongside my professional comedy co-writer, and I was ignored about the writing assistant position, but go off. Well, Rex, I got like 50 guys sent me shit all at once, so it's like I'm like, I don't know.

You're like sandwiched in between the guy who sent me like all his community college like improv classes. How are you so hard to get? How do you have the audacity to play this hard to get? It's not that I'm hard to get. It's that I got like a million fucking people sending me messages. Anyway, Rex, I think I did see. I saw your name at least. I was like, ah, this seems like an interesting guy.

And then I went and I played Mario and I forgot about you because I just, I don't know, man. Send me your stuff again. How's that? Oh, send it again so I get to be disappointed again, right? I don't know how anyone keeps track of all this shit. Because they want to write with you. They look up to you and want to, you know, experience your comedy. Well, I was thinking that I got to start writing more scripts.

I'm going to have some movie scripts ready to go. Yeah. Yeah. That's a great idea. Randy keeps chasing me for the... Oh, I doubt that. Shut up. I don a great idea. Randy keeps chasing me for the... Oh, I doubt that. Shut up. I don't believe you.

He liked the idea of the conservative horror Saw movie. Okay? He still likes that idea. Can I tell him that he's chasing you? Okay. However you want to phrase it. I hate you guys. Martin O'Keefe, oh, again, says it's worth $120.

No, Vito, it's worth nothing. It's trash. It's worth at least $15. Ando Mystic says, I wish Vito didn't exist. What the fuck kind of comment is this? All right, I got to start getting comments. I'm going to start bringing in more comments because somehow you just find comments that are like, I hope Vito will die. I hope Vito goes to jail.

Vito is the worst. I have a comment for you, though. Okay. Okay. Hey, Vito, I'm a little late on this, but next time you feel the need to discuss poisoning kids, don't. Dick hates kids. Oh. So you have to speak to him about a subject he actually cares about, alcohol.

Okay. The Bottled in Bond Act of 1897 was one of the very first consumer protection laws in the U.S. A lot of bourbon rye and other producers were cutting their product with wild shit. At best, it meant getting watered-down liquor.

That's pretty bad. Which is pretty bad. At worst, you could die from shit like iodine poisoning or formaldehyde spiked whiskey. To this day, if you buy alcohol with bottled and bond on the label, you are guaranteed by the U.S. government to be receiving 100-proof liquor that was aged in warehouses under federal supervision.

100-proof? Wait, I don't drink any 100-proof. Well, I think it's 100% proofed. Like they've checked it. 100%? I don't think it's 100 proof liquor. That's what he said. Well, that is what he said. Am I actually buying this thing that he's saying? Or is that just like a special petroleum reserve?

Dick, do you think that people should be allowed to sell you alcohol that has been watered down without your knowledge? Without my knowledge? I'll be able to taste it. I can smell it. I'm like Wolverine. But you've already bought it off the shelf. Would you rather the government is forcing these people? I'll fucking bash that guy's head in. If somebody's selling me watered down liquor, I'll come back and fucking glass his ass. That'll work once.

Yeah, well, when you get in there and they have their own private security that they've hired. I'll blast them too. I'll be like the Matrix. So Dick's argument against the FDA. What year was that done in? All the way back in 1897, back when liquor

was a wild west. I'm sure that really cleared it up. I think it did. And now, when I buy liquor in the United States, I go, I know this is produced to the highest standards of Uncle Sam. Don't you think it's time for a problem now? Like, doesn't it feel like we could squeeze a quick one in before Carl? No, let's just have Carl do it. Oh, my God.

Why are you doing this? Well, do you have more stuff? I'm totally out. What do you want to talk about? Eric's 3D clip art comic that we uncovered this week? I mean, I assumed we would talk a little bit about that. You want to talk about that? What time is it?

It's not 620? Yeah, let's talk about the clip art comic real quick. Which everyone is telling us. Well, not everyone, but his defenders are saying, I think it's cool that it's clip art. I think it's cool that it's... I think it's cool that he didn't draw it. I think it's cool that it's clip art I think it's cool that it's I think it's cool that he didn't draw it I think it's real meta I think it shows real discipline

That he hired a bunch of Brazilians To go into a 3D modeling program And just drop the same stock assets That they've apparently been using in all their books For the past 10 years Yeah Sean and I looked at this on our We did a bonus episode last night

Did someone send this to you? I forget his name Okay Fuck, he's in the Discord He's real top Real top Real like Microphone assassin level

Researcher He found all of the So Eric So Isom First person to find the castle Wins a prize by the way Yeah Free shirt

Free shirt if you find the castle What this guy found Is Somebody tell me what his name is, is that every single thing in Isom, the trucks, tables, couches, warehouses, even the human beings are all just free to download 3D assets from 3D warehouse, ironically. Right. That aren't even traced over in the comic.

Eric's artist has just placed them like dolls. And then hit render. And hit render, and it spit out the comic. And then Eric... Yeah, I don't even think they're drawing over it. No, no, no, they're not. Because if you zoom in, if you look closely, you can see the polygons on every round surface.

Yeah, so it just takes the model. No one would draw that. Yeah, it the model. No one would draw that. Yeah, it just takes- No one could draw that. It's too accurate. It would be a waste of- Yeah, exactly. So it just takes the model, flattens it, and adds a black outline to try and make it look-

Adds little black lines to the detailing to make it look like it's from out of someone's pen. Yeah. And that's the 66.8 million comic book that you guys are all excited about. Hey, look. I took a 3D picture of a truck and I just flattened it on the page for you.

It's like Barbie dolls. It's like playing... It's like making a comic book in The Sims. Playing around in The Sims and being like, well, if I move the camera here, that's like... It's like making a comic book in The Sims. Yeah. Playing around in The Sims and being like, well, if I move the camera here, like, that's like, yeah. It's like that really weird porn using, like, existing 3D models. Yeah.

And they go like, oh, and you're like, what is this? Why is this an ad? Who's clicking on this? It's, it explains why his comic is so, like, flat. Like, because when you- And why all the expressions are like sometimes their eyes are closed when they're looking around and they don't ever have any good expressions. They're just like staring.

Because it's just a render of a 3D model. Are the faces not even drawn on? No. Look, I found Isam kissing his sister. Wait, is this all like just 3D? Someone's drawing something.

But the weird thing about Issam is, you know what? He's never posted any penciled pages for Issam, I'm pretty sure. Yeah, because they don't exist. I don't think there are any like, hey, here's the pencils. Hold on. Let me get through all my stuff about Israel. Here we go. See? Issam. Yeah, so that's when his

artist was working for Marvel or DC or whatever. Oh, really saw him. Yeah, so that's when his artist was working for Marvel or DC or whatever. Oh, really? Yeah, like, or whatever it was. Yeah, there's the warehouse. But he was just, yeah, using these basic whatevers for, like, fill-in work. Here's I saw him and his sister in an alternate universe, which he said he wasn't going to do. What comic is this?

So, yeah, and it looks exactly the same as this other guy's comics. Yeah. Because he just takes these models and he arranges them and then he flattens them. And I don't know. I'm going to hope that he takes his pencil at some point and adds some sort of shading or something. But I don't even know. Look, this is, if you look closely at this, see how he's, I saw him as lying down on the couch. Yeah.

No denting on the couch or anything, right? But you can also see that this lying down is just a guy standing that they've flipped horizontally. They've rotated 90 degrees, so now he's in a mannequin standing position, but on his back. They also put his hand up here for some reason. You could do that standing up. Yeah. They also put his hand up here for some reason. You could do that standing up.

Yeah. Look, it explains why this comic just doesn't look like a comic. Like a comic is supposed to look like an artist sat down and drew stuff. Yeah. And this looks like you took a bunch of stock 3D models and rotated them into place. And Eric is out here lecturing everyone about the right way to make comics. Yeah, exactly. This week he's been going on this big rant about how people wreck the discipline of an Eric July type character.

Yeah. And that's why your comics are all, you know, sometimes have delays and don't come out on time. It's because they're not clip art, bro. Because I'm not hiring Brazilians to rotate clip art into place. Why are people paying $100 for clip art? Dude, why did he get that for his artist? Why didn't he go like, oh, no.

I thought the point was to pay right wing canceled artists poor talented money. No, it's about. And make a whole universe around that. Right. That would be much cooler if he got a bunch of artists who were like. Yeah. And literally all of his artists are coming from the same Brazilian...

Chop shop? I didn't realize all of them came from Glasshouse Graphics or whatever. Yeah. Because he hired that guy Joe Bennett. I'm like, oh, I've heard that guy's name. And then I check, it's like, oh, he works for Glasshouse too?

He's only working with this Brazilian fucking art farm? If you want to make the comic industry great again or whatever, shouldn't you be trying to find artists from all around the world and cool guys and guys with actual crazy talent to make your books? Yeah. I just want to shove shit out the door

as quickly as possible. And he's bragging about it. He's bragging about it. Look at how quick I put out this comic with all these errors and terrible art and fucking spelling mistakes everywhere. It's like, yeah, I don't know, man. I could take a shit on a plate and serve it to you real quick, but I'd rather wait for the chef to cook me a meal.

Just describe what's in the scene. Why use clip art? Say like, I saw him lying on a couch. Just release the script. And the other thing is like, people are like, well, him lying on a couch Just release the script And the other thing is like People are like, well these programs are common It's like, yeah, they're common for like Being like, okay, I need to figure out what it would look like From this high angle or whatever

And get like a basic idea I can't even tolerate those people Who are like, well it's actually Just shut the fuck up Like you don't even understand what you're talking about No, they don't, it's like, yeah, it's also like normal To buy one of those little, like, wooden dolls that you can pose on your desk.

It's normal to charge $5 for comics, too. God. Well, you're supposed to take it and then redo it in your style and just kind of use it as, like, a helpful reference material. Yeah. You're not supposed to take the reference material and just flatten it and put, like, a stock fucking filter over it to disguise it as comic art. Shit, did the meeting end?

Does that happen? Is that a thing? Yeah, it happens. Well, let's see if it unhappens. Getting ready. Camera's starting. Okay, let's ask to join. Let's see what we got here.

Let's see if Carl's here. We have... It's Carl, right? It is Carl. Carl Jopes. We have... It's Carl, right? It is Carl. Carl Jopes. Great guy. I actually... I've been following this guy for a while.

I'm excited to get him on. See if he's on. Let me see if he's... Let me check if he sent me a message of any sort. Test 112. This is the big weigh-in show. He should be in there there Wait, do you have He has to let us in?

I guess That's stupid Well Apparently You have to let us in Let us into our own meeting To the meeting How are you not in charge of the meeting?

Who started the meeting? I don't know. Probably me. Did you start it as that account? Yeah, probably. Join. There we go. There we go.

Got it. Oh, but is he in there? I don't know. Oh, thank you. Thank God. Did that. Now I don't have to think about this fucked up format anymore. Shut up. I can just think about this beer

There he is Alright Fantastic Carl How you doing? Oh you can see me Oh we can We can

Excellent Oh shit Am I live already or what? Yes you are We like to surprise people It's weird seeing you live. I've been listening to your videos all day. How you finding them?

I got hooked. You didn't fall asleep? I might have, but that means I'm at peace. You're just a sleepy boy. Yeah. Speed running is, Vito's called me autistic several times thinking I wasn't listening to him, but speed running is like my favorite thing in the world. Sushi, travel, and speedrunning.

So the videos are great. So you're suggesting that if you got into or enjoyed the speedrunning stuff, you are autistic? I'm saying that Dick, I will come over to his house and he's just watching speedrunning videos all day long.

Yeah. And I'm like, Dick, what do you do? You just watch people play Super Mario Maker on loop? Yeah. What's wrong with that? I think, yeah, it's fairly, it's fair. It's fair to link it to autism. That's just.

I mean, I think it's cool. I think the whole high score chase stuff is cool. And I know that you covered some of that as well. I remember I had a buddy who was a Tapper champion and he's like, I don't even really like Tapper. I just saw a hole in the high score market and I

thought it could belong to me. Yeah. So Vito, please introduce Carl to the audience. This is Carl Jobst, famous you're a speed runner yourself as well, right? Yeah. I don't really do it so much anymore when I started doing YouTube, but I've done it a lot.

Yeah. What was your speedrun of choice that you were kind of like big for? GoldenEye. Yeah, that's what I thought it was. Well, I was probably better at Perfect Dark, but Perfect Dark's more irrelevant, so GoldenEye's the more well-known game. Vito, didn't you say those were both shitty? Didn't you and I have a

big argument and I said those were great games and you said they were shitty games. Is that right? Look I'm just saying GoldenEye has clearly not stood the test of time. And it was those two exact games that I said actually that were great and you said specifically those are shitty. I think people can have a fondness for

GoldenEye. I understand it but I think it doesn't exactly hold up across time. Carl, that's a stupid opinion, right? Well, I mean, honestly, it's not a game that I would just casually play for fun. Thank you. I mean, if you just want to

casual a game, yeah, I couldn't imagine that. It's fun to try and break it in all sorts of stupid ways and set up the proximity. When you get really good at it, if you get really good at it, and it is hard to get good because those games are really hard,

especially the control stick and everything is like super unique. So all your gaming in the last 20 years isn't going to prepare you for GoldenEye. You're going to feel like you're just the worst player ever when you go back to it. Well, thank God all my friends are as old as I am, so they're as shitty as me now and usually as drunk. What are you listening to? Just making sure that the audio is coming through for everybody.

Okay, so Carl, you've had a big week. Well, I wanted to real quick say, so after GoldenEye speedrunning, that kind of turned you into like a watchdog for speedrunners, right? Kind of checking up, making sure people... Or were you just reporting on what other people discovered? I'm not a fucking watchdog or anything. You're a bit of a watchdog, Carl.

I literally just find... Well, it's just fucking interesting topics, you know? Absolutely. I just make videos on stuff i'm interested in so i'm not like trying to put myself on some sort of moral high ground or uh convey any you've developed a reputation as a guy who's exposing uh fraudsters it seems like i'm not i'm not i'm not exposing them they're just interesting stories all right to listen to you know well famously billy mitchell bill billy mitchell you made a big video on him, right? Yeah, he's good content.

He's very good content. Did he sue you? Did I read that right? Yeah, I'm getting sued. I'm in the middle of a lawsuit right now. You really ruined my week because the week before you put out your big video, or I don't know if you were the first video out,

but I had gone to a game convention and I met Billy Mitchell right before all the controversy broke. And I went, wow, I met Billy Mitchell, Donkey Kong champion. I was so excited. And I was like, it's all a lie. It's a fake. And I'm like, oh. He's still a character, though.

He's still very good at Donkey Kong. He's still good at Donkey Kong. I mean, ignoring the games. I mean, who cares about that? Right. Just him as a character is still good at it. I mean, ignoring the games. I mean, who cares about that? Right. Just him as a character is still good. Yeah, I know. I met him for like two seconds, and he was already ripping on Obama for some reason.

He was making this stupid- Because Obama's the devil. No, Obama's fine. I like Obama. I saw him at Musso and Frank's in Hollywood. Really? Yeah. And I wanted to just go up and punch him right in the stomach.

I said, man, that would be fucking hilarious. This is Steve Weeb? In this steakhouse, yeah Bam Fuck you, boom, like Houdini How dare you set high scores on MAME rather than using original arcade hardware Bam I'd go to jail for a little bit, that'd be alright

It'd be a good story But then by the time I had enough to drink, he was gone So I never got to do it Well, I gotta say, Carl, I've been following your videos for a long time I'm very excited to have you on the show. And of course, the show, as you know, is the biggest problem in the universe. So my question to you, of course,

is what is the biggest problem in the universe? Well, I chose compulsive liars. Oh, that's a pretty good one. It's like a kind of a two-part problem because compulsive liars wouldn't be a problem if people just didn't believe everything they heard. If people stopped enabling them. Isn't that crazy?

They just will believe literally anything. They will literally believe anything, and it doesn't matter who says it. Yeah. They will just, some anonymous random user will tell them something, and they'll say, oh, thanks, I didn't know that.

That's just, they don't even think about it. You could go up to somebody and go, check this out, I'm invisible, and they'll go, where'd you go? No, I'm just saying, I don't think you can appreciate how often people lie until people talk about you. Yeah. And you probably wouldn't know this, but yeah, when people start talking about you,

because I know me pretty well. Right. I know what happens to me, and I start talking about you, because I know me pretty well. Right. I know what happens to me, and I know what I think and all that kind of stuff. And it wasn't until people started talking about me that I realized that they have no idea what they're talking about. People are just full of shit. People will just make up something about you because it fits their worldview. Yeah. And they need to contextualize who you are and what you're doing.

Yeah. Are you facing a lot of backlash lately and people are just making up motivations for you? I get a lot of that. I would never say that I face a lot of backlash. Yeah. Yeah, everyone faces a bit of backlash. But no, it's not about that.

It's not like that's a problem like a it's a that's a problem or anything but i just you just don't know how many people are lying until they talk about something that you're an expert on and i'm an expert on me so i just see it it's just uh i was a big wake-up call and it was also a big wake-up call to see how much how quickly people will believe something because i'll just see a lie that someone just believed without question. What's a lie that's going around right now that you've been seeing? Oh, man, I can't think of one on the spot.

Everyone's been saying I have a normal-sized penis. That's not true. There's a lot of stuff. I'm not into politics that much, but there's a lot of stuff going on there. You know those Twitter farmers? They just post crap all the time. much but there's a lot of stuff going on there um you know those twitter farmers like they just uh post crap all the time yeah uh yeah like i see that a lot i just don't buy anything anymore

i pretty much stopped i stopped believing anything as soon as uh i became a personality because i just i just really don't believe anything without fact-checking anything myself first. So is this a good segue into your charity fraud expose that you've been up to? You and Mudahar exposed a guy for, what was his name? The Completionist? Yeah. That's his YouTuber name. For stealing about half a million dollars from charity that he collected donations, didn't give it. And then I also saw today that he's connected to this golfing charity event.

And apparently they're not giving any money either. It's this whole family business. Yeah, that was crazy. Well, I mean, it's all not out yet you know like there's a it's just it's like you have to you have to peel off a layer and there's just another weirder layer under that it's uh because this all started because the only the thing that started everything was just the fact that they hadn't donated any money. Yeah. The completionist. And his organization.

The Open Hand Foundation. Is the organization like 100% him and his family? Do they have any other employees? Just him and his family. No, that I'm aware of. I believe so, yeah. That's always a bad sign when it comes to a... I think so. That's always a bad sign.

Yeah, so it was just that they've taken in money. They were incorporated in 2014. They've been receiving donations since then and haven't passed it on any money until now. Yeah. And that was the thing that got everything started because the filings show that they haven't donated anything, right? And then that's one thing.

So obviously I got tipped off about this this and the person who sent it to me was like, does this look strange to you? Like, this looks strange to me. Like, what's your opinion on this? And I'm like,

what the fuck is this? This is a really weird. Were they just like, uh, were they a fan of this guy? Just kind of like looking in. I'm not going to say. Yeah.

I'm not going to say. Yeah. Yeah. But, uh, I think a lot of people are wondering like what kind of kicked this off, but yeah, yeah, yeah. But it just lot of people are wondering, like, what kind of kicked this off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it just was something that was – well, I'm just saying it was something that was so oddly strange on the surface that he had this organization.

You could look at these public filings and see that the money had not gone to anybody. Yeah, but that's the problem is people don't look. Yeah. People don't look. Yeah. Like, what percentage of people actually go out of their way to investigate or check anything? I mean, it's so tight.

And case in point, this has been going on for 10 years. And the reason it was even found wasn't because someone was like, oh, let me just double check this. It's like, I can tell you that the reason was just so, the chance of this happening was so minute. Kind of stumbled across it by like accident almost stumbled across by accident like it was stumbled across by accident wow um and uh so if it wasn't for this one person accidentally stumbling across

this for some like weird reason this could have gone on another 10 years like people just don't do this kind of research people have a crazy reaction to when you expose fraudsters or even if you start to look into it because we were exposing eric july's charity shit on this show and everybody immediately is like you don't care about charity stop pretending stop attacking this guy yeah you have no right to look into it something good and you're just being negative. It depends on your evidence, though. Yeah, well, yeah. It's bizarre.

In our case, when we released the video, Gerard had already admitted to the basic claim. Which was that the money had not been donated. It was just... So there's no backlash or anything to my video, really. I mean, there was like... Well, there was a lot of defense of him. There was a lot of defense of...

I saw a lot of people saying, Oh, Carl, you know, Gerard's a nice guy. Clearly, this is a mistake. You know, you don't have all the facts. I saw a lot of that, like a lot of people trying to defend him. Again, because he has this nice guy. I was very careful not to make any claims really other than that

in that video anyway it was kind of like strategic I did see a couple people kind of calling you out though being like oh this is a hatchet job or these guys are so addicted to YouTube clout that now they're calling out good guys

like Gerard or whatever. When again, you are just kind of the facts of what you've uncovered. That's a bit of cope though. I mean, you think it's cope from the people posting that? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Cause the video was legitimate. I mean, it's a legitimate concern. Yeah. I couldn't, I can't imagine anyone thinks really that taking in money, saying that you're giving it away and then keeping it for a decade is... Well, he was naming...

The weirdest thing is... Wait, the money's spent, right? It's not being kept. Well, we don't know, but... Well, I mean, that's a whole different story. Okay, so Dick said that even though in their filings they can say, we have this much cash on hand, that doesn't mean they actually have that cash on hand. Yeah, that money went into Luna. Honestly, I'll tell you right now, I suspect that

the filings are correct. You believe they have the cash on hand. Well, I believe they have that cash. But there was additional cash that they may have not been reporting. There's a lot of money that didn't go to open hand that I think was stolen. How much?

I'll guess hundreds of thousands of dollars at least. Yeah. Okay, so how it works, people are like, why is this file, why is certain income... Can I just clarify this? Because I'm sure we have some listeners who haven't followed

this story at all, that this guy, Gerard the Completionist, he ran a yearly fundraiser called, what was it called? Extra something. No. Indyland. Indyland. Okay, so he had a yearly fundraiser, Indyland, to raise money for dementia research because his mother famously died of dementia. That'd be a good charity to defraud, though.

Yeah, because people forget about stuff all the time. So he collects this money every year. It's a big fundraising event. The money all goes into a big pile. And he says, here's all these different organizations we're working with. I believe there was, like, what, a college? Oh, the UCSF. So the University of California, San Francisco.

University of San Francisco. Alzheimer's Association. He had this list of all these organizations. He said the money is going to this to fund dementia research. Somebody comes across the filings, looks into it. It turns out any of the money that's been donated is just sitting in a big dumb bank account, not going anywhere, and not being donated to any amount of research.

And then yesterday you put out a video pointing out that not only that, but there's additional money that's being raised that is also just not reflected anywhere in any filings, and that money has just disappeared in the ether and may possibly – this may be criminal fraud perpetrated in part or without the knowledge of or with the knowledge of this very popular YouTube guy. Yeah, well, it is fraud. Yeah. How criminal it is would be up to the authorities.

But I, yeah, I mean, I always second guess myself because it's a pretty big claim. It's a pretty serious situation, so I don't want to jump the gun. Yeah. I'm trying to like. You also have to weigh the risk of war. What is that like? Why do you, what is that feeling like not jumping the gun that you're talking about? Yeah, jump the gun a little bit, I feel.

Just say whatever you feel and justify it. Well, I mean, I've been sued before. Yeah, he's trying to play billiards. I want to make sure. I did not learn that from that. You did not learn your lesson from the multiple lawsuits. Say whatever you want. That's what I learned.

That's your lesson. Don't learn from Dixie. But I want to make sure if I get sued that i can defend myself yeah yeah um so so when i before i make that claim i want to think you know what can't what possible scenario is there that would explain this away and make me the bad guy here and i couldn't think of anything yeah i couldn't think of a single thing that would explain this because like no matter what scenario either they're lying for like one reason and the only thing that would explain that is if they were lying about something else but like there's lies everywhere yeah you know it just depends like what lies are well the best case scenario was sheer incompetence that you know gerard was claiming and you talked to him that he couldn't find a good organization to give the money to, and they were just doing their research trying to figure out where to put it.

But that's a lie. So there's two lies here. Okay. That's how I get Christmas presents for my girlfriend. I wanted to get one, but I just couldn't find it. I'll give you one next year. Next year is double. Next year is double.

In ten years, I'll get you a really good gift. It's going to be the best. I could spend nine years. They're saying either they can't find an organization. That was one story. But then the other story was they're saving all the money because they want to give a really big amount. Which makes no sense at all.

They're not mutually exclusive things. Either they're saving it or they're looking to give it to someone. It doesn't make any sense. But I don't buy that anyway because I just didn't buy it. And the third option is waiting out the statute of limitations when they empty that bank account. Oh, wow. I don't know if that's how it works.

No, it's when you discover it. It might be one of those situations where it just goes, well, if we just kept it there long enough, maybe everybody forgets that they donated all this money to dementia research. I'm kind of thinking, obviously, this is just my opinion. This is entirely speculation. This is not fact. This is speculation.

I think if you're stealing like half of it, you're like, okay, we'll just leave half on the filings in the bank account to show that we actually are raising something. And we'll just take this other half and no one will really know. Yeah. So people are wondering why is there 10 years of cash just sitting in there? It's more easy to understand if you think, oh, it's just the only half is left in there.

You know what I mean so they are stealing a fair chunk of stuff from what I believe but if you steal all of it I mean that's kind of set off then their problem was why not make these tokens some donations like that seems to be

because they know they are fucked I'm saying they should have started making them 10 years ago. Like, the fact that they haven't donated anything. Honestly, if they donated a tiny bit. Yeah, they could have covered up this fraud a lot better. No one would have noticed. Because the thing that set this off was the fact that they had donated nothing.

Yeah. If they had donated anything year to year, then the person who looked at the filings initially would have been like okay fair enough they're making some donations like no bells would have started ringing if they had done anything but the fact that they did nothing which is like immediately like this is what the hell's going on here

so the big red flag 10 years of just like and he goes and they have all these clips so he can't even the Gerard guy oh yeah that's the thing like it's all these clips of him going this money is going to the university of whatever, and you're helping dementia research, blah, blah. And it wasn't. Like, why would you say that?

Like, you lose. It's fun to say nice stuff. It is fun to say that you're doing nice things. I donated a bunch of stuff today to breast cancer. Every super chat tonight is going straight into the Vito Giswaldi Foundation for Kids. Don't say that! So you're... Yes, that's the thing.

Sorry, I was going to say about the... The problem is way worse because there are so many lies. Like lying about the money was going here when it wasn't. Lying and saying they weren't using donations for expenses when they were. Lying and saying that bits, merch, subs and all that kind of money was going to open hand

when from the filings, we can kind of see that that's not true. And people are saying negligence, but I mean, like how many lies does someone have to say before they're entirely culpable for this? I just don't really understand it at this point. But the thing is, yeah, a lot of this stuff is a bit complex. So like Mudaha is going to come out with a video soon going a bit more over it.

Well, it's not too complex. A guy said, give me money for fucking dementia research, and then he didn't give the money to dementia research. Like, that's the simplest thing in the world. I don't know why people can't wrap their heads around that. Yeah, well, I mean, you'd be surprised. Yeah, not really. I mean, what it gets interesting

is again your new video that just came out which everyone should watch the follow-up is that they've been running also in addition to this Indyland fundraiser like a yearly golf tournament for for God that's so funny and they have like it's like the pro-am like in Happy Gilmore yeah they have all the sponsors behind them but they're just pocketing all that money, too. And what are the sponsors paying? Like, $10,000 to sponsor the event? Or $7,000, as you said? Yeah, up to $10,000. Up to $10,000.

So they have, you know, the platinum sponsor. We should do that. We should get in on that. Stop thinking of ways for us to commit charity fraud. Fine, I'll do it. I'll have my own pro-am tournament. We did not invite Carl here to advise us on the correct way to get away with charity fraud. Don't investigate me if I'm doing charity fraud, okay?

You don't have a public foundation, do you? Not yet. No, not yet. You're safe, yeah. See, the only reason we brought you on was to create a conflict of interest so you can't investigate us when we decide to eventually commit charity fraud. That's how it works, right? The golf thing's weird, though. Yeah.

That's how it works, right? The golf thing's weird, though. It seems to be a bunch of rich guys getting together at just like a social event. Yeah, it's like an L.A. thing. They just have these stupid... Oh, it's L.A.? Yeah, yeah, Girard's based... I actually know a couple guys who work for him.

Let's go to his house. And those guys are scumbags, so I'm kind of happy they're getting... Oh, okay. No, they're all right, but... They're always like, we got jobs working for the completionist. I'm like, can I get a job

working for the completionist? It's right to just not believe when people say they're taking money for charity, it's correct to assume the worst. See the receipts the entire way through, right?

Like, okay, yeah, that's great, but let's see it. Man, I've been looking at different charity filings and the more I look at them, the more I just think that they are scams. Yeah.

They're trying to enrich the people who set them up. I've seen charity filings where 80% of the shit they get just goes to five people who run the shit. It's crazy. There'll be a charity pulling in a million a year in

donations. 800,000 of it's just going to salaries and bonuses and this kind of shit. But it's still legal because i only need to give away like five percent is that is that the law that like only five percent of your proceeds have to actually end up going to charity yeah yeah oh that's great that's fucked beyond belief jesus christ so it's just a way for rich people to have a party and congratulate themselves yeah that's the thing they spend all the money they go yeah well we're helping raise awareness with this really cool breast cancer party. We brought, you know, a fucking Eminem

in to rap about breast cancer and paid him $10 million. Yeah. Wow, he would rap about breast cancer too. He probably would. Eminem, that fucking pussy. There has to be a distinction between the organizations that actually do something,

like they research or whatever, and charities that literally just take money and then just give it to someone. The charities are just taking money and then just give it to someone else. I'm kind of thinking you're just like a giant waste of time and a waste of money. Yeah. Yeah, I would recommend it. Because you can just give it to the people yourself. Yeah, just give it straight to the cause that you want. Yeah.

Now, you actually did get, you and Mudahar got to talk to Gerard briefly. How long was that call, by the way? It was about half an hour. Half an hour. And he seemed very, I mean, he sounded like a guilty man, like a dead man walking. Yeah. Well, I mean, and it wasn't pleasant. It was not a pleasant phone call to have.

I'm surprised he agreed to the phone call. I'm not. Really? really like do you think people are saying this people are saying the phone call was a bad idea but who's part uh gerard yeah uh but man that phone call was his only chance to plead his case somehow if he somehow talked us down to not making that video, that was his only chance. Because the situation is so bad that he... Like, if you knew that you were fucked... Might as well try. And this is your one chance.

Yeah, why not? This is your one chance to avoid the videos, maybe. Go in, say, hey, I'm really sorry. I made a mistake. I'm ready to donate it. Just tell me where to donate it. Did he say anything that made you pause and go, maybe we got it wrong? Maybe this is

a nice guy? No. He didn't make us think that we were wrong because we aren't. But he made me feel bad. It was a big guilt trip. He was like, oh guys, you're really going to ruin my... Did he really guilt trip? Did you feel bad? Yeah, I felt

terrible, yeah. Oh, wow. Well, now you're going to put him in jail. How do you feel about that? All those familia members that are sitting around him, what is that thing? Him and his whole family are going to jail. They're all going to jail. Well, I don't feel good about it, but I mean, my philosophy is...

It's the government's job. Do the crime, do the time, or whatever. So he lied, and he must face the consequences, do the time or whatever. So he lied and he must face the consequences. If he wasn't out there lying so much, then we wouldn't be in this position. He almost got away with it though. Ten years.

Why stop? He could have got away with it if he just bought Bitcoin with that money instead of spending it on cars. If he bought Bitcoin, he could have just said, hey, I got double the money back. Yeah. I was going to say... How about that Billy Mitchell stuff? You're getting

sued right now? Still? Is that still going on? I'm hoping to wrap it up soon, though. Yeah. I want to give it a few more, hopefully within the next few months. It's been going on over two years. Really trying to wrap it up now, though. I just want to go to trial. Is he very frivolous with the, like,

his lawyers always adding new stuff on the pile? Oh. Well. Fucking around. No, he's got, I think he doesn't have much money. Yeah. Hot sauce not doing well, I guess. He was originally.

No, that was. He's lost all his avenues of making money he was talking hot sauce in that god damn stupid game show yeah grown man just plays video games he's not making

don't point at me when he says that Carl's also a grown man who plays video games he's an investigator listen to his accent he's a classic guy I'm not saying I'm the same he's an investigator. Listen to his accent. He's a classic guy. I'm not saying I'm the same. But he's not making much money. He's another guy, though.

He's a serial liar. He can't just tell the truth, right? Where it's just like, just admit it. He's one of the biggest compulsive lies of all time. All you have to do is say, look, I played the game on the wrong hardware. It was wrong. But I still have the skills to play Donkey Kong at a high level. I want to redeem myself. I apologize for misleading the community.

He's not that good. Is he not that good? Really? He's not that good. Shit. He is good at Pac-Man, though. We can give him that, right? Compared to what?

Someone who doesn't play Pac-Man? Yeah. Compared to like a baby. I mean, compared to me, he's good at Pac-Man, but compared to a good Pac-Man player. Compared to the top Pac-Man players, he's not even the top anymore? He's not, no. He's never, compared to me, he's good at Pac-Man, but compared to a good Pac-Man player... Compared to the top Pac-Man players, he's not even the top anymore? He's not, no.

He's never... Well, nowadays, you actually have a decent amount of people playing games. Like, it's not like the 80s anymore where no one had the internet, and the only way to get good at Donkey Kong was to own a Donkey Kong arcade. Like, he owned one. I think that Todd Phillips dragster score

is legit, though. I think you should give him that one. Well, you're in a small group. I think he really got that six point, whatever the hell it was. Just the way he says that he had it, you know, that he upshifted and downshifted. I'm like, oh, it sounds believable. That's the thing that's awesome about these guys. The stories they tell, like what they create, it's awesome.

It's genuinely entertained. They create genuine fictions. I'm ending dementia right now by giving myself your money. The internet ruined a type of man, like a perennial huckster that just never stops lying and can move from town to town and become a new person. The town to town has become hard. The internet stopped that.

That person is going to die now. We'll just have legends of them. We won't have any more snake oil, sadly. Well, the Billy Mitchell thing, the American lawsuit against Twin Galaxies, that is a shit show. That's like, his lawyers there do a whole bunch of crap, but he's not paying his lawyers in America.

He's suing Twin Galaxies over what? Taking away his high score? Yeah, saying that he didn't use original arcade hardware and banning him. I love the video. Wait,

the video that Carl has of that, it's like this, it's shot like a true crime or it's edited like true crime and it's like, and now we got the bastard. And it's a picture of Billy Mitchell at this insurance convention where he supposedly said it and Carl zooms in like true crime and it's like and now we got the bastard and it's a picture of billy mitchell at

this insurance convention where he supposedly said it and carl zooms in and the the joystick is like and this is not a regulation joystick and you've got the actual one it's like it's short and it's like obvious not the right one you're like it's short and it's got a black knob and this one is red it's an eight-way joystick. But then you go into this detail of why the eight-way joystick is such an advantage in that game, and I'm sitting there just going, this is the greatest fucking thing I've ever seen in my life. I'm hooked. I understand true crime now.

It's much better true crime than any. Yeah, all the women are watching true crime. All the men are watching speed running. Yeah, who's cheating at video games? Oh, honey shut up yeah well billy mitchell's fascinating yeah well those guys are fascinating because of all this crap over video game high scores yeah to them it they like it's i don't know the only thing they find themselves by it's so amazing yeah i mean i've gotten hundreds of old records and and all that kind of crap but I would never like think I would never want to make that my life story or

try to brag to someone about that it's just I don't know he's big leagueing them right now well I mean it's a good point though why do you care if you have the high score in Dragster nobody knows what Dragster is I mean you can care yeah you can be like yeah it's pretty cool

no one else cares now the high score in barnstorm where i understand that is prestige but dragster not so much maybe what's your high score in esports uh yeah carl do you still hold any speed running records right now yeah i yeah i do a lot of goldeneye ones yeah i gotta get at least one of those but this is not like they're not goldeneye i'll fucking destroy you at goldeneye ones. I gotta get at least one of those. Goldeneye? Not Goldeneye. I'll fucking destroy you at Goldeneye. With rockets. No Golden Gun, obviously. A lot of those old games hardly had many people

playing it, so it's not like a huge accomplishment or anything. You compare those... Like I said, I love this shit. I love high scores. I love the retro games and i'm a speed runner and i play old games but but let's be real for a second here i mean compared to like a really popular esport which has like millions of players and like the competition's like super intense and they get huge prize pools i mean compared to that the skill is nowhere near

like those professionals are just light. There's some competitive games where there's so many people competing over it that the scores are becoming... I have a world record. What do you have a world record of? That game, it's see if you can last five seconds before coming. See that game on Pornhub?

I have the record of that. Oh, really? How many seconds can you last? Zero. Unbeatable. I click the add. I do a frame glitch. That was enough? Yeah, that's it.

Boom! What I found is you can her pussy is not textured so you can actually walk through. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey! I was going to say, I did want to circle back real quick. So you're saying there is more to come in this completionist story. Is that true? He knows what you did.

What? With your fucking phrasing? What, circle back? No. If I did it, I'm unaware of it. Are you serious? Yeah. I don't know if you're fucking with me or not.

I'm fucking with you. I wanted to know. You say there's information that is not out there currently. Well, there's more concrete stuff about how much money they're stealing that we can show. But then,

I suspect there's going to be just more stuff. There's a lot of weird stuff that I don't really want to talk about in my videos. Are there specific family members? Wait, how weird? What do you mean? That you're looking? Like, what way?

Oh, God, that's just so weird. I mean, I hate. Prostitutes? Stuff like that? Like, drugs? Well, that's not that weird. Weirder than that. Okay.

I mean, that's not weird. I mean, shit. Oh, I don't know you. I mean, are they buying children and importing them for their organs? Like, how weird are we talking here? It's just the interpersonal stuff. It's just the whole family situation, you know? I was going to say, like, are there specific family members you're looking at as more architects than other ones?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it would be, again, it's just my opinion based on everything that i'm looking at here but the charles the father yeah um yeah does he have a history of other like uh charity organizations or doing anything like this in the past uh not that i'm aware of but yeah it's again i hate again, I hate talking about, I hate talking about family stuff. Uh, and,

uh, cause just cause like, I don't know. It's, it's, if I were to say what I'm seeing here, it sounds so fucking bad, but there's other stuff that makes me not like them as people, um,

that I, but that's just my personal opinion. And it's not related necessarily to the charity fraud. But if they're doing this other stuff that I see, and I'm like, I'm just thinking, should I say it?

Oh, it's so fucking bad. Yeah, you should hint at it. Hint at it. Say two lies and one that's real, and then we could guess. Oh, my God. Now, what I'll say is, if they get charged or something,

like officially charged, so this charity thing is not just me making shit up, and the authorities look at it, and then charges happen, or the FTC fines them or something. Then I'll come out with some more juicier stuff and be like, we've already confirmed that they're bad for X reason. Then I feel

comfortable saying some extra stuff. But I don't want to dump it all right now because trust me, even though I... You want the legal charges to stick and then you can go, here's how truly fucked up this family is. We already accept they're bad for this reason. here's how truly fucked up this family is. We already accept they're bad for this reason.

They're also bad because of this other reason. Interesting. Yeah, it's just... There's some weird stuff going on with this family. More drama. It's not like criminal or anything. It's just kind of weird.

But it might speak to their kind of motivations that these are not sound individuals. It's like this whole... Okay. Maybe this whole charity thing and going on about the mother... Right?

Just constantly going on about it for so many years. I can tell you that I would just definitely feel uncomfortable talking about my mother in many years. I can tell you that I would just definitely feel uncomfortable talking about my mother in that way, like always bringing it up over and over and over and over again. It's like a shtick. It's like an act.

It's a plea for sympathy almost. I don't know the motivations. I would not keep bringing it up over and over and over and over and over again every chance I got. It just seems a bit weird to me. And then, yeah, you look at the...

How long can you monetize a death? Yeah, it's just a bit weird. I don't know if anyone else feels that way, but it's just weird to me. Yeah. Well, my dad died. I didn't set up a fucking big fat guy falling over. No, I don't want to talk about it. It's uncomfortable.

Yeah, but his friend died and he put her in a comic book. That's kind of weird. That's true. I did monetize her that way. That's different. That's my friend. That's a tribute. We'll see if it's a tribute. If it's good. What I found about compulsive liars is that they do create these,

like, you know, Tommy Tallarico is a good example. Oh, we love talking about Tommy Tallarico. He came on Dick's fucking show by accident because somebody left a message as me saying, you should bring on Tommy Tallarico to talk about the fucking Amico. And then Dick went, why did you tell me to bring that guy on? That guy's crazy. I didn't say that.

I didn't tell you to bring him on. No, fans of the show said that. Yeah. why'd you tell me to bring that guy on? That guy's crazy. I didn't tell you to bring him on. No, fans of the show said that. Some fans were like, man, Vito has terrible recommendations for guests. That Tommy guy was insane. I'm like, I didn't say to bring Tommy on. What you notice about these people is that they create these little bits and sound bites

and little stories. Yeah. And they just tell the same stories over and over again. So whenever you have someone telling the same story over and over again, that whenever you have someone telling the same story over and over again, that's a real big red flag. Super big red flag. They have these scripts that they say all the time

and it's really weird. It's a pitch. It's not even a story. It's the pitch at that point. They have it ingrained. They remember something. My mom died. Don't you feel bad that my mom died? Give me some money

because we're going to stop other people's moms from dying I don't put ads on my website this is a funny story that I have this comic book is going to destroy the left I was going to ask one other question some people have suggested that you know

Gerard is the nicest guy would never do anything wrong and was clearly misled by his family are fraudsters don't they have to be nice though and manipulated that's how they get in the spot that they're in. If I was their nice.

They wouldn't be good con artists if they weren't nice. Yeah. I couldn't con people out of shit. I'm a total fucking asshole. Who's going to give me a dollar? Nobody. Have you seen any indication that Gerard was, like, manipulated by his family or he didn't know what was going on

and, you know, he's just a nice guy being taken advantage of by this wicked, crazy family that's moving money around without his knowledge? First of all, can I say that I don't make judgments on his character. Okay. I'm just telling what I see is happening. So my videos aren't like, Gerard is a terrible person. You should hate him because of this. I'm literally just saying this is the stuff that's going on.

This is what he did. Yeah, this is what he did. He killed a bunch of people. I'm not saying if that is the stuff that's going on. This is what he did. Yeah, this is what he did. He killed a bunch of people. I'm not saying if that's good or bad. It happened. It's not my job to judge. People are complex, man. They can be seriously really nice

to their friends. Hitler loved dogs. That's the thing. People say about Billy Mitchell, they're like, yeah, but I met Billy Mitchell and he was really nice to me. I'm like, who the fuck cares if he was nice to you? That's not why people hate him. People don't hate him because he wasn't nice to you. They hate him because he's a cheater and a fucking liar.

The whole he was nice to me is just ridiculous. And when I judge someone, I'm not not thinking are they nice to this random person i just look at what they do in general uh and then i say is what they're doing in general morally right or wrong in this case uh obviously stealing money is not right um yeah but uh i don't care if he's if you label him as nice or not. That's not really what I care about at all. But he told us that he wasn't misled or anything. He said he had full knowledge that the money had not been donated. He knew this was going on.

At a certain point, yeah. Okay. I just have to say that I don't believe that. Yeah. You don't believe that he discovered... Because he tried to claim he didn't know that the money wasn't being donated until recently. Until 2022.

That's crazy. How would he never know? Thank you from the charity that never occurred to him. How come none of these organizations never thank us for the hundreds of thousands of dollars we're giving them? He's saying that his knowledge changed in 2022, but his behavior was identical

in 2023 as it was to 2021. He still was giving the same lines saying, hey, this money goes to research, right? He was still saying that. Even after he knew the money wasn't going anywhere, he was still naming those same organizations and everything.

It's very fishy. It got worse. It got more brazen. And if you look over the years of Indieland, like I watched a lot of Indieland clips, and the lies got worse and worse and worse. That's what these people do.

I saved a hundred dementia patients from a hurricane. Yeah, exactly. It was very basic at the start. And then he started going on about helping the families of dementia victims. Oh, no. And the amount of organizations that were helping grew and grew and grew. Like, organizations all over the world. And they're, you know, curing dementia already.

It sounds like that Sound of Freedom guy. You remember that Tim Ballard guy? Yeah. I don't know if it's like proven, but he just seems like a total con artist to me. Well, the con he was running was very bizarre.

Yeah. It was like, hey, do you want to help me save kids in this other country? And these women would be like, yeah, sure. And he's like, okay, but you have to pretend

to be my wife because otherwise the kidnappers are going to know I don't have a wife. Yeah. And they're not going to believe you're not my wife

unless we sleep in the same bed and we share a shower. Yeah, that was uh very interesting but let's uh have you got uh final questions for me oh no no i think you know what carl you've given us so much uh and it's all very interesting we're gonna look forward to again you say mood is dropping a new video soon and we want to give him credit for his part in uncovering this uh i look forward to your video on this insaneo family that you're telling us about and look forward to finding out what they're up to yeah telling us i'm telling y'all it's so bad that people that there would be backlash just you know when you

say something really bad and people shoot the messenger like yeah sometimes you say something that is so offensive and that sort of gets directed to the person describing what happened. You think you're going to catch backlash for what they did? I could say something that would just make that family member look so bad. No way. No, you couldn't. I don't believe you. Do it right now just so we know that it's true.

If they watch this or Gerard watches this, you got to give me credit for not actually saying it. Gerard, you should call in and say who raped who. Oh, something happened. We don't know what. Carl, how do people find you? I mean, hopefully they're subscribed to you already, but where do we find you? Yeah, your channel's great, man. It's good, man.

Just Google my name or whatever. Karl Jobst. Guys, K-A-R-L-J-O-B-S-T. Find him on YouTube. Great videos. Watch them all, honestly. Thank you. Best videos. Well, they're good to fall asleep to. That's the best compliment you can get, though, on YouTube.

I used to get that from my Star Wars videos. Peace and relaxation. Oh, I watched that one recently. I watched your... Oh, which one? Last Jedi or... Yeah, Last Jedi. Both of them. Oh, thank you, Carl. I gotta get back to making those. Yeah, dude. Gotta make them. They're great. I love them.

I can't fall asleep to them. Did you do The Rise of Skywalker? I did do Rise of Skywalker. That one's like an hour long and I put a lot of work into that one. That one was fun. You'll find it. You didn't do the Force Awakens. I still haven't done Force Awakens. I keep meaning to do it. I keep pushing it back.

Yeah, it was the last two then. But you've got to do more of those videos. They're really, really good. I've got a couple in the pocket. I have one that I'm working on right now. So hopefully I get back to it. Have you already said what that is? I have one that's about the

Ghostbusters 2016 going through that whole movie. I know it's very topical. I'm going to put it out. There's a new Ghostbusters movie coming out. So I'm going to put that one out. Why is that shit on the old one then? Is there something left to say about that movie? I'm covering a lot of the same ground

but it's fun to talk about. I've got some good clips of, you know, those guys. You know, it's weird that they're like great improv actors, and then they get in front of a camera, and they're like the worst improv people of all time. Most of the people in Ghostbusters 2016 were like groundlings and like... Chris Hemsworth? Not Chris Hemsworth. He was the best improver. What other men were in that movie?

Yeah, okay. I know there's women in the comedy, and you don't like it. I haven't seen it. It's not good. I'll see it. Well, my video will explain how it just really almost destroyed

that Ghostbusters. It probably did destroy the Ghostbusters franchise. I've probably watched 50 hours of content movies trashing it. I just haven't seen it. I just, yeah.

I'm the same way. I probably watched a million videos about it. We got room for one more video. Carl, do you think anyone's going to beat the Mario world record? Do you think there's any give in that record? Mario 1.

Oh, that's hard. Is there any frames left? You don't get paid one day, but yeah, it's tough. There's a frame or two left. So you guys are going to have to have a whole show where you can just talk about all your favorite Mario but yeah, it's tough. It's tough. There's a frame or two left. That game's getting close to max. So you guys are going to have to have a whole show where you can just talk about all your favorite Mario speedruns

because it's the only entertainment Dick ever watches now. Yeah, really. It actually is. They're all pretty good. Well, Carl, thanks for coming by. We really appreciate it. Once again, your problem is compulsive liars.

Yeah. It's a good problem. And hopefully you're out there helping solve it. That's my biggest problem right now anyway. Well, hey, it's a problem that's making you some money, hopefully. I hope you got ads running on all those videos. Carl Jopes, everybody, please subscribe on YouTube. I appreciate it.

Thanks, Carl. Thank you. All right, bye-bye. All right. Bye-bye. And that's what happens when we start the show with a guest problem. We have a spirited 45-minute discussion, and it goes swimmingly. We should have had the problem out already, the first one.

Now we have to do two, and no one cares. Honestly, do you care about your problem now? I don't care about my problem at all. I still care about my problem. Plus, I won, so I should have been first. And now Carl is first. It doesn't make any sense. Oh, whatever.

You and your fucking dedication Look The point is One I got a great guest for the show So shut up Two Carl's like He thought he was in the wrong place

Yeah He's like what is What is this nonsense What is this I thought I was going on C-SPAN Two We now have a You know

This is a fun way to bring on guests They don't have to come for the whole show yeah you know because sometimes we try to have guests calling and they have shitty audio and then we're stuck with them for two hours although carl's audio was actually good so figures figures man that's the last people you want investigating your fraud speed running investigate forensic investigators guys go frame by. The guys who construct their own cabinets to see if those movements are even possible and the logic of the board. Yeah, honestly.

It's like blood splatter expert, but real, right? If I was that Gerard guy and it's like someone's looking at- I'd kill myself. Someone's looking at the organization. If I was Gerard. I'd go, oh, it's going to be fine. And they go, it's Carl Jobs. So I'd go, ah!

So long. Ah! Yeah, it's over. You're done. Is that man going to leave a stone unturned? No, he's going to go pixel by pixel. You sound so sick. I do not sound sick.

I sound fine. That was good. I love Carl. Why don't you do your problem first then? Let's just not have any kind of. I'll say this. I stole from Carl, though. Not stole from, but. Borrowed any kind of... I'll say this. I stole from Carl, though. Not stole from,

but... Borrowed? Well, so I was always like, you know how starting a YouTube video, it's always stupid and everyone just always goes,

hey, guys, or it's your boy, you know, hey, what's up, guys? It's your boy. He says, hello, you absolute legends. He says,

what's up, you absolute legends. Hello, you absolute legends. And I went, that's really smart. You know who else does something like that? How's that different than hi, It's Your Boy?

I'm going to tell you. And also, Philip DeFranco. He always starts his videos. What does he say? He says, I'm gay. I'm Philip DeFranco. Well, that was his old one. I wish I had my mouth on Obama's asshole.

He goes, what's up, you beautiful bastards, right? Which is stupid, and I hate it. But I realize. Is this what you're thinking about when you're not doing videos i think about when i'm not doing videos is how to start the video god and i was like well that's you want to make them feel like you're actually you know having a discussion with them they're there they're a part of something you know like the walmart greeter hi i love you a little bit yeah hey everybody i love you now on to well they start off by paying them a compliment

i mean think about how great it is when you start a YouTube video. Hey, buddy, you look like you lost weight. Yeah. That's what I say. That's nice. You start off a video. I thought it was like a nice little psychological trick. Hey, everybody, have you lost weight? Alright, let's get to this. Hey, what's going on? You look beautiful, you know. That's what you say? No, I start my videos off

and say, what's up, buddy? How you doing? You know, like I'm talking. What's up, buddy? That's my thing. Well, I stole your thing. I'm just saying. Verbatim, though. It's not verbatim. You don't say what's up, buddy. I say what's up.

I've been saying what's up, buddy, for fucking 12 years. You don't say what's up, buddy, when you start a YouTube video. What's up, buddy, to Sean? I say it every fucking week. Yeah, exactly. You say it colloquially in real life. No, that's what I say on the show always. I do yeah that I stole from Tom Likas, and then I say what's up, buddy, to John.

Okay, well, I stole your bit. Anyway, winner, why don't you do your problem on this show. Next door apps is my problem. Next door apps. Oh, okay, because there's more than one. Yeah, because there's like, I don't know, there's other goofy apps. There could be. You know you could get banned from next door app?

Both of us are banned. Me and my girlfriend. Why? For just being neighbors I guess. Just weighing in on a neighborly conversation. Oh why? Because you said bullshit and made people pissed off? People are saying outrageous things. Who chooses simply weighing in. Who's in charge of banning someone from Nextdoor? Exactly.

Who is? I understand like I understand conceptually why I can't say stuff on YouTube. Right. I get it. I can't say that stuff about fat women on YouTube. Right. Because 75% are fat.

But if a fat woman's walking around the neighborhood, you're allowed to say something? That's where I live. It's your neighborhood. You can't ban me from where I live. You can ban me from YouTube. That's fine. Also, if they ban you from next door, what if you what if you see, like, a fire or, like, a thief? Like, that's still valuable information.

Well, so here's, I was looking up some stats on this because I was trying to get, like, you know, something to talk about. Sure. And every single thing about Nextdoor is, Nextdoor has a racism problem. Yeah. Because people are saying, like, this black guy stole my bike and my porch pirates. Like, oh, these porch pirates are coming around. Check it out. This guy was here.

It's a black guy with a hoodie. And're like people are going like oh my god no this racism can't why didn't you report any of the white guys you sold your amazon packages oh yeah i guess i should i should have reported dude there's every single fucking article is like well our oakland residents don't feel welcome on the app because they're racist. So they make you like, they said like being able to say black man in a shirt is not an acceptable way to report a crime. Is that what the article says? Yes, yes, yes. The article says you can't say a black guy stole my bicycle. That's what they're trying to change.

Yeah. They want to make it so you can't say that on the next. Oh my God. You see? That pisses me off. Yeah. This is such bullshit. This is the, like, classic, like, okay, guys, look, I'm a classic liberal.

I don't want to be racist. Well, yeah, okay. We're all racist, and I accept that. No, it went from you to we're all. We're all racist. If you're not racist, you're an idiot. Let's put it that way. Okay.

That's the worst way to put it. It is probably the worst way to put it, but it's true. Yeah, I may be racist because I'm not an idiot. Well, if I go, my package is missing. Is it that guy in the hoodie who's running down the street, or is it my little Asian neighbor? It's Dan Rather. Yeah, I think I have a better idea of who might have done it.

Right. This constantly having to tiptoe around like, well, you know, we just don't want to be racist. It drives you nuts. It gets in people's brains too. They're like, well, why do you have to look at race? Because I'm fucking looking for a black guy in a fucking t-shirt that doesn't live here. Going around

skulking around in bushes looking for bicycles. And again, I grew up When the guy was burning all the cypress trees in my neighborhood it was a fucking white guy in a hoodie. Okay? People don't understand. Because that's what white people do. Burn shit down. Yeah, exactly. We like fire. I've just been dealing with this for so long

because, again, I grew up in this super progressive school district where all the shit that's going on now, 20 years later, I was dealing with, you know, 20 years ago in high school, and it was hey, we have a racism problem. What's the racism problem? Well, it turns out the black kids are getting detention more often than the white kids.

And you're like, oh, my God, I can't believe that systemic bias. Surely it has nothing to do with the fact that, like, half the time I'll turn the corner and 10 black kids are just beating the shit out of each other for funsies. I'm sure that it's clearly systemic, right? It's a workout routine that they're doing. I mean, it's fun. It looks like they're having fun, and I have no problem with that, but I think they still have to get detention for just wailing on each other randomly.

No, detention is bullshit. Fuck that. It's all bullshit. Sure. You see that teacher that stole that retarded kid's Switch won't even try to say something to get leniency on him? Won't apologize for stealing his video game? She belongs in prison. I agree. kids switch. That retarded kid switch won't even try to like say something to get leniency on him. Won't apologize for

stealing his video game. She belongs in prison. I agree. That fucking, of course she's not, of course any, no teacher would ever apologize for anything.

No. Because they're all fucking control freaks, right? Can you imagine like you're saying stuff that doesn't matter and a kid's not listening

and you're like, I'll show you and you take his switch? You deserve to be fucking shot for that. I do think we need to just stop. Just let kids do whatever. It doesn't matter.

None of this matters. None of this matters. What you're providing them is not giving them a runway to succeed in life. Like, oh, if you really pay attention, you're going to get a great job and a sick house and a great—no, it doesn't go anywhere. How does this algebra help me talk about Lady Ghostbusters? Yeah, exactly. That's where the money is.

How do I make a tick tock out of this? Oh, I can't. Then there's literally no point in being here. Fucking blow your brains out there. The reason I brought it in at first was because every every fucking day on Citizen. Next, my girlfriend. I got to turn off email alerts alerts i keep getting emails all the time from that fucking what again it'll be like yeah guys stole a thing guys stole a thing guys stole

my catalytic converter guys stole my catalytic converter catalytic converter my girlfriend sends me a screenshot from citizen i uninstalled well i removed notifications i don't want to get notifications from citizen but i can't stop the signal, right? My girlfriend sends me a screenshot of her Citizen app. Check this out. I have the same technology you do. I just did not want to see it. If I wanted to see this, I'd have it. She goes, there's a serial killer killing homeless people, and he killed somebody right near us.

Why would I want to know that? I'm not homeless. Why would I want to be upset? Oh, don't you want to applaud this man who is, anyway. But it wasn't framed like that. No, it was framed like. It was framed was bad. How's he killing homeless people? She goes, I gotta stop by. I'm gonna drive by. There's a missing dog on next door. I'm gonna drive through this

neighborhood on the way home. Don't go, don't drive through a fucking neighborhood for a missing dog. Enough with the missing dogs. It's the missing dog app. Yeah. It is the missing dog app. Hey, we, can we go by this, uh, there's a missing dog in this neighborhood. Can we go by there? What do you think we're going to do?

Have you ever tried to catch a dog that doesn't like you? Want to be found. You're not catching it. No. How'd you get banned? Don't.

What'd you do? What'd you say? I told somebody to do. Why don't I? I think it was. Why don't you say that to my face? And then there was a comma. Yeah, why don't you say that to my face? And then there was a comma.

Yeah, I don't think you're using the... Because someone was complaining that there's a dog park that's not technically a dog park, but it is. What, people are bringing their dogs too much? Is that what he's saying? Yeah, and somebody that lives near the park is all upset about it. But go fuck yourself. It's a fenced-in area. Right.

People come in, bring their dogs, let the dogs off. And they're like, well, I don't think it's right to let a dog run around. And you said, listen, you pissy shit. The dogs are shitting everywhere. I'm a Navy SEAL, and I have been for three years, and I'm trained in ten types of fucking— Listen, you piece of shit. She got banned, too. My girlfriend got banned, too. Thank God.

It was at a week of peace. Yeah. But now she got a new account. What'd she get banned for Thank God. It was at a week of peace. Yeah. But now she got a new account. What'd she get banned for? Something similar. Listen, you piece of shit. I'm a Navy SEAL. Listen, you piece of shit.

Hers was about a homeless person, I think. Yeah. Because this homeless person is down by a freeway. Can we help this homeless person? You said let him rot. Fuck him. Well, yeah. Yeah.

I think it's worse than that. I saw Gavin Newsom just ban the hot new street drug And I went, again with this We keep coming up with new ways To stop the homeless problem And you guys keep outlawing them Oh, Newsom He's going to be a great president, don't you think?

He's not running Is he running this year? At some point He'll be president after Biden Get used to it. I'm used to it. I think it's great. I watched...

I think it's great because everyone who says, fuck California, is just going to be in California when Newsom's president. I saw some clips from his debate. Not so funny now. Not so funny now. Did you see DeSantis holding up a big piece of shit

right next to his face? No. That was great marketing. Don't hold up a big piece of shit right next to his face? No. That was great marketing. Don't hold up a big piece of shit right next to me. Don't do that. Why did he have a big picture of a big piece of shit? He was demonstrating how bad of a governor Newsom was by holding a big picture of shit right next to himself. All you got to do to defeat DeSantis and go, hey.

He held it and said, pedophile. And said, you are this right here. He's got a big arrow. Pedophile. He's like, well, this arrow's supposed to be pointing at you. But he's got to be like, all right, I will concede this debate if you take off your shoes right now in front of everybody. Show everybody just how tiny you are.

God, with those. I can't believe DeSantis with the fake shoes. I hate DeSantis more than Hillary Clinton. Hey, Trump's definitely the nominee for Republican, right? I can't believe DeSantis with the fake shoes. I hate DeSantis more than Hillary Clinton. Hey, Trump's definitely the nominee for Republican, right? Yeah, but they'll probably get him kicked off a ballot or something like that. You guys will just steal it. I just put $400 down on him being the nominee, but now... Oh, yeah.

Well, no, actually, I think Nikki Haley will be. The nominee? Yeah, I think they'll steal it from Trump. She's the second place option. Yeah. Get her cheap. They fucked up Trump's lawsuit, though. They fucked up fucking him over, which seems crazy.

The left fucked up the lawsuit? Yeah, that crazy lady. Lying about his properties and stuff? Yeah. That was retarded. Yeah. That was too far. The what?

Like lying about the valuation? Yeah. Some stupid shit? And it's like, yeah, but. Because even the poorest people in America know that that shit's more than that. Yeah. I'm like, no, it's not. I could imagine that amount of money.

It's not that. Yeah, absolutely. All right. Anyway, that's my problem. The Nextdoor app, because Dick can't tell the people who tell him to stay off the grass with his dirty dog to go kill themselves. You can't ban me from my own neighborhood, man. Come on. What the fuck is this?

Get a lot of coyote warnings on there? No. Every once in a while, some joker will post a picture of a coyote in a shower. And they'll say, I found this stray dog. And then everyone will go like, that's not a stray dog. Well, speaking of next doors and neighborhoods, at least you have the luxury of living in a neighborhood, Dick. Yeah.

We have a problem. And this problem is a housing-related problem. As we all know right now, and I have some stats here, U.S. housing prices have rallied recently, rising 2.1% quarter over quarter. That's a 5.5% year over year price rise. Right now, housing is less affordable than ever. The median home prices for researchers examined.

The median home prices. This is probably the greatest read I've ever heard in my life. Well, I'm trying to get to the point, okay? Shut up. Now you fucked it up even more. Researchers examined the median home prices last year. Is Floyd Mayweather the guest in here? Yeah, well,

U.S US counties. Found at home prices in 99% of those areas are beyond the reach of the average income earner. Yeah, you can do it when you're making fun of black people. Who makes $71,214 a year, according to Eton. For right now, housing prices are through the roof. Oh, you fucker, you're doing housing prices? No, I'm doing the proposed solution to housing prices,

which is this video right here is going to show you what we plan to do about the fact that homeownership is unaffordable to the average American. Here is the bill of goods, which you are being sold, America. I made it all big. Hit the lock on that one. Oh, that's what that's for? Yes, click it. Now you can't move one. Oh, that's what that's for? Yes, click it.

Now you can't move it. Oh, wow. I've already told you that on this show before. Wait, now it's hidden. Oh, no, there it is. And now click on the video. Why do you always have to do that? I already told you this before.

It's like what a woman says. That's what they do to rub it in. Instead of being helpful, women say that to ruin the helpfulness that they did. Because when i tell you something you should internalize it and use it that is why they do that uh okay hold on guys don't worry about rising house prices because from uh i believe san antonio here's the solution okay you asked for it and here it is. The most affordable home in San Antonio, Texas. Let's check it out.

Yeah! Fuck you, America! Yeah. Look at this shit. What we got here is a tiny home. You have a little breakfast nook here. And you have a full kitchen. You have a sink.

Full kitchen. It's a living room. And you have a space for a refrigerator. Wow! All right, guys, so we're in the bedroom. It's small, but it's affordable. Oh, boy. All right, guys, so this is going to be a two-story home.

What, you're too good for this? It's going to be over 600 square feet, two full baths. Yes. And you're going to have this loft area here. Look at that hallway you could live in. So what? It's a nice hallway Nice toilet

Would you live here for $1,000 a month? If so, call me, text me, or message me Remember, I'm Billy the Realtor And I sell Well guys, don't forget to hit up Billy the Realtor Cause you're gonna be living Oh no Yeah, the Avengers show up at the end

Dick, my problem is the tiny house movement, which is an architectural and social movement that advocates for the downsizing and simplification of living spaces. Basically, telling a generation of homeowners

or wannabe homeowners, fuck you, you were born in the wrong generation, the boomers bought everything. But we can squeeze you into this prefabbed fucking plexiglass or whatever the fuck it is, fiberglass bullshit box, and you can live here until the day you die. You can knock it down and build your own small house. No, you're not on that lot.

You build your own small house on that small ass fucking square of land. I don't understand why they can't just make it a little bit bigger. It looks like there's room on the sides to make it a little bit bigger. It looks like they got Anne Frank's house, but then there's no house. It's like, okay, yeah, but then there's houses just like that, right? Wouldn't it be awesome to have no front yard,

no backyard, nowhere for your kids to run around except to run to Jimmy's tiny house, which is the exact same prefab bullshit? I don't think that's for kids to have in their house, which is the exact same prefab bullshit. I don't think that's for kids to have in the house. This is for everything. You're going to have to fit eight people in there at some point. You, your

grandma, your mom, you're all going to be living in a fucking shack. I would kill them before living in a tiny house. Well, that's the other option. We're going to also have, of course, the downsizing wars where our most elderly are forced to fight for the right to live. But that's a different problem. According to a late 2020 survey, 56% of Americans said they would consider living in a tiny home because they've given up.

56% of Americans. How big is it? What's a tiny home? Tiny home is a dwelling unit with a maximum of 400 square feet of floor area. Yes. No, that was bigger than 400 square feet. That was bigger, though. So I think that's technically...

A house. It's not even a medium. How much room do you need, though? How much room do you use at your place? Well, I need one wall for my Dreamcast games, one wall for my PlayStation games. Yeah, no shit. You got to just fill it with fucking toys and shit. Yeah, I do want to fill it with toys.

No, I want space for different things. For instance, in this area, you have this area for podcasting, right? And then you have a separate living area. Then you have an outside area for grilling and whatever else, you know? Kind of. You have room for different things. In whatever else, you know? Kind of. You have room for different things. In that house, you can't do anything. What do you do?

You have a bedroom and a breakfast nook. How big were the old World War II houses? When they came back, they had a bunch of army bungalows that they sold for first. Well, like the Sears houses that you would assemble or the ones they gave away. I think they just had them at that point. Yeah. In like the 50s. I don't know.

Craftsman houses were before that. They were pretty small. Like all the houses in San Francisco are like that. They're all craftsman houses. Post World War II. No, craftsman's around here. Oh, okay. But there was a type of house after World War II that was like this tiny.

Yeah, but then you're living in a fucking city. That was what? San Antonio? They got these huge- Tons of roofs. Dude, there's giant fucking plots of land and instead of going, let's build some normal sized houses and affordably price them, they go I think we can fit about a thousand little houses instead.

It's fucked because they have to do it like that because they sell real estate by the square foot. Right. Right. And if they just make a bunch of new houses, the boomers' houses' prices will drop. Mm-hmm.

And if that happens, then the whole system is fucked. The whole system is fucked. Yeah. You can't build more. If the prices become affordable, then we're fucked because we're trying to enslave this generation. Right. We can't do that.

We want them paying the exact amount that they can never get out. That they're trapped there forever. We want 50 year mortgages. We want to extract the perfect as much as possible from every paycheck. But this is what you vote for. How? Because this is the liberal M.O.

Just take as much as possible. What are interest rates? How many houses did Trump build? I don't know. It's a liberal MMO. What are interest rates? How many houses did Trump build? I don't know. Yeah, okay. Well, Trump's built hotels. He's built more than fucking Biden.

Biden's built zero hotels. What are you talking about? I don't need any fucking hotels. Trump is the only president that has built houses. Carter is out there building all sorts of habitats. For fucking Africans. He's not in America. I want a president that builds houses in fucking America.

Like Trump. None of them are building houses in America. Trump is literally doing that. Trump built a bunch of what? Apartment buildings? Condos. Great. For fucking Saudis to come over.

Trump built houses? You know Trump Tower? It's like 90% Saudis and Chinese. He's not building houses for Americans either. Whose fault is that that you're so gung-ho on defending you know where? Whose fucking fault is that? Trump specifically avoided building any sort of low-income housing, I think, in order to get whatever. This is so stupid.

Low income? It doesn't matter. More is better. Building more houses is better. More rich people houses is good, too. More luxury condos for Prince Alafar is really making things better. New York doesn't need to have poor people. You don't need to live in New York, poor people. Why didn't he make the border wall out of houses? The border wall could just be rows of apartment buildings. I'm sure if Trump would have fucking said,

I'm going to build a big apartment complex across the entire southern border, all of you motherfuckers would have said, oh, no, that's horrible. Nah, it would have been horrible. You can't do that. At what point do you realize that all of this shit is caused by liberals? All of it. When you make an actual point as to that. And the only point you made is, well, Trump built some hotels.

Who made social security, you shithead? Why do young people have to give any money to old people beyond this housing shit? Because of you! It's not my fault. Who voted for FDR? You. Who voted for Lyndon Johnson? I voted for FDR. You would have loved FDR. When FDR was rolling around, I went, let's go.

I'm going to be old someday. I'm going to need some free money because I'm blowing all my money right now. I'm going to need some free money from people. So absolutely FDR, fucking ratchet it up. Both sides are contributing to the ongoing housing crisis. They're both doing a very good job. We've had Republican

politicians in office. Really, what cities are the worst at the housing crisis? The cities where everyone wants to live because they're so cool and nice. Oh, it's not because everything's free? No, it's not because everything's free. No, they're playgrounds for the fucking rich. That's why everybody's moving to them. Are the rich here for fucking free? No, they're playgrounds for the fucking rich. That's why everybody's moving to them.

Are the rich complaining about housing prices? No, because they're rich. So why are poor people here? I don't know, man. Just to suffer. I don't even know where we're at in this conversation at this point. You causing this shit. I did not cause this. You never once

admitting, maybe my voting has fucked up all the whole country. Trump was in office for four years. What did he do to address housing? You guys were fucking with him the entire time, and his own party was fucking him the entire time after day one. With all lies. All retarded lies. George W. Bush was a Republican. George W. Bush is evil.

Okay. So I had an evil guy and a guy who was getting fucked with too hard to do anything. Trump's not a fucking Republican. Yes! Trump is not a Republican! Okay, Trump's just a different thing. He's a Democrat! So you're saying the Republicans are also a problem, then?

Just Trump is the only solution to any problem. Yeah, but Republicans are a problem for people in other countries. Democrats are a problem for people in this country. All right. I think that both sides have done a very bad job of improving the housing situation in this country. How come you don't vote Libertarian? Vote for Gary Johnson. I could shit in my hands and throw it at the wall and we have the same amount of effect as voting libertarian, so why don't I do that?

Why don't you just not vote? Why don't I just cut my dick off? Why don't you just not vote? All right, I'll just not vote. But you are going to vote. Yeah. Did you vote for Gascon? No, I didn't vote in the most recent thing.

Because it's local? Yeah. Because it would have an actual effect on my life. No, I just was like, eh. I don't feel like it. I'm probably not going to vote. I think I just vote. Don't vote.

Just don't vote. Make a vow. Well, it just doesn't feel like one vote matters, right? Yeah, I agree. Yeah. So don't vote. Okay. I probably won't.

I only vote, honestly, I only vote if, the only reason I vote, Dick, is because the polling place is next to my house. And you get a free taco if you show them your voting sticker. God damn it. So I go outside, and there's a taco truck parked on the block, and it's like, show us your voting sticker to get two free tacos. And it's like show us your voting sticker To get two free tacos

And I'm like well I want free tacos God damn it So I just go in there And they go well who do you want to vote for I'll go vote here And I go into the both And they're like do you want Trinkle John Or Glang-a-Glang

And I'm like well which color are they And they go one of them's blue and one's red And I go I like blue them's blue and one of them's red. And I go, I like blue better. And I hit the blue button. And then I just do that for every single race. And then I take my sticker and I get two. And you're like, why do I have to live in a fucking matchbox? How come someone wasn't on top of this?

This is not the problem. The problem is, look, these predatory housing companies would be buying up all the real estate regardless of who was in office. Units that could be devoted to single-family homes are instead being converted to Airbnbs

across the board. Because you can't build new houses. That's why. You can't build new houses. That's true. It's very hard. You're saying less regulation is what you're on for. No regulation. Build whatever you want. Buy a piece of land and put up whatever you want. Don't you think?

No. I want basic regulation. Why? Why do you give a shit where land is that people build houses on it? I just want to make sure that they don't build it out of asbestos and fucking... Why? Because I want it to be a livable domicile. Is that what you think where the regulations are?

That's some of it. It's not just, we're not letting you build houses so we can control the price of houses through interest rates? You think asbestos is part of that? Do you think the people in charge care that asbestos is part of that? Do you think the people in charge care that asbestos is in or not? By the way, there's

asbestos in there. Trying to talk about tiny homes here, Dick. Tiny homes can cost upwards of $10,000 or even as much as $150,000 depending on materials, footprint, accessories, and amenities. You will also need to purchase land appropriate for your new tiny house,

but you may only need a fraction of an acre. Not to mention ongoing costs, including maintenance, utility, and property taxes. So even though these things look like a bargain on the surface, the costs add up to the point where this thing we're being pitched. They're just fucking you out of the square feet. They're just fucking you out of the square feet. They could just put more wood there. Yeah. They probably have to go out of their square feet. They just put more wood there. Yeah.

They probably have to go out of their way to build a house that's so stupid looking. Well, I'd have to say also just why not just rent a fucking trailer at that point? Trailers are cool. Like a double wide? Yeah. Trailer park? I've known some guys who have double wide trailers. You're like, these are surprisingly comfy.

Yeah, they're big. Yeah. I think the problem with trailer parks is that all the trailer park fees are, like, fucked for some reason. It's like you're locked in. Like, even though you own the trailer, like, you can't ever move it or something, but that's a whole other problem. Well, yeah, you can't put it on wheels.

Well, that's how you got it there, right? Let's go buy another one. Here's another thing that people don't realize about tiny homes is that there was a court case. I forget what it was called. I think it was the Supreme Court that basically said you can't make it illegal for homeless people to sleep outside if there's not enough available units for them, right? Not enough available shelters. Yeah.

So people are now setting up tiny homes to act as shelters for the homeless. Yeah. But you can just build a shit ton of them in a lot, like in the middle of fucking shit nowhere, and then go to a homeless guy in the park and go, hey, you're going to jail. Either that or you have to go live in this fucking tiny home in the middle of the desert.

It's just kind of another way to meet the number of units to make it illegal to sleep outside again. Yeah. Which, hey, is a way of getting those homeless guys out of there, but also seems like you're just kind of cheating at that point. Just kind of dig a big hole. Yeah, just give them fentanyl and stuff. And just put the homeless in there. It's like, well, you know.

So you're going to be living in a home that was designed as a stopgap measure to address the homeless crisis. Congratulations. That's your future. You have to live in the same house a homeless guy lives in. I fucking hate tiny houses. And I hate the white women that are doing TikToks. Like, oh, this is so fun. It seems like they mostly exist to make.

I sleep on a frying pan. Women? Yeah. White women. White women. That's why when they're, did you remember that murder where that girl and her boyfriend. Gabby Petito? Yeah White women White women That's why when Did you remember that murder Where that girl And her boyfriend

Gabby Petito Yeah That was the greatest day of my life She got kicked Yeah That's what you get For living in a van Yeah

They made a dramatization of that You deserve that For making fucking Those stupid TikToks Living in a van is so great I'm here with my boyfriend And he loves me forever You're dead bitch dead. No, she was the abuser. He was defending himself. Oh, you're right. You're right. She attacked him.

Point is that we are now being pitched that, guys, look, you can just get a little tiny fucking hallway to live in. Isn't that beautiful? That's your future. All the boomers. And you know, because mortgage rates right now are at 7%. So nobody wants to start buying a house now because they're like, well, hopefully mortgage rates go back down. And also all the boomers who are already in a house won't sell their house because they're like, well, they're- They're refied. 30% of houses are at 3%. Are they?

Yeah. Is that good or bad? Oh, well, it's bad if you don't have a house. Right. Yeah. What were good or bad? Oh, well, it's bad if you don't have a house. Right. Yeah. What were mortgage rates traditionally? They're like close to like 0%, right? No.

That would be insane. Well, there has to be something. That would be an infinite money thing. They used to be, I think historically they're at, on average, they're like four. Four and a half. I think four and a half is the average overall. Okay. But in the 80s, they were like 15%.

Oh, so it's actually- But in the 80 Okay. But in the 80s, there were like 15%. Oh, so it's actually... But in the 80s... But in the 80s, there was inventory. In the 80s, everyone made enough money to pay for that. People kind of ignore that part of the... Salary's not increasing with rate of inflation. One half of the family made enough

money to pay for that. The lady just got to sit around and do nothing. Yeah, the Simpsons is how houses were in the 80s. That's when that show was mentally created. That size of that house. Yeah, it's a tragedy when I think about, hey, wait, I'm confused. My parents owned a house. Who's causing it? I own a house.

Who's causing it? Everyone's causing it. Close. You talk about the wages increasing thing, you're going to blame that on Democrats not raising salaries? We've got to get rid of Democrats first, and then we can get rid of Republicans. Okay.

Sure. They're much worse. Who did, why is medical insurance so much? Who destroyed medicine in the country? Obama. Right? Sure. So we've got to get rid of that first. Then we can get rid of all the shit the Republicans did.

Okay. But you can't get rid of Republicans first. Democrats will just spend more money. I don't actually have a solution anymore other than to just risk it all in a high-stakes Vegas situation. I think that's the only value. I think the only genuine economic plan. Well, there was a guy who had a radical idea.

Yeah, his name was Andrew Yang, and we didn't let him be president, and now we're fucked. Free money? Free money. More free money for everyone? Yep. Guys, you know how welfare is awesome and is making everything great? Let's do more of that. Where are we going to get that money?

We're already doing it. So let's do more. Well, we would be doing basically the same amount. What do you mean the same? It was in addition to that. Well, no, because everybody's already on entitlements. They don't get more entitlements. How do you think government works?

Well, it doesn't. You think black people are going to let Andrew Yang, a Chinese man, cancel welfare? What world are we in? No, he wasn't going to let Andrew Yang, a Chinese man, cancel welfare? What world are you living in? He wasn't going to cancel welfare, but I'm saying it's like, whatever you're getting from the government, you're already going to get that. You're not getting extra on top of that. There's so many problems

with what you just said. We gotta get people to stop committing crimes. Which is a problem. Andrew Yang was like retarded More free money Well it would be How would that fucking help It's not more free money

It's money moved around in a different way What are you How would that work Well it would take time And you know it wasn't going to be all at once So we're going to say guys no more welfare But we're going to give you cash Yeah No you still have welfare Okay so more cash It wasn't going to be all at once. So we're going to say, guys, no more welfare, but we're going to give you cash.

Yeah. No, you still have welfare. Okay. So more cash. Yeah. On top of the welfare. Kind of. Not on top of, next to.

And this would be good for housing prices, you think? Just money blown into the system. Well, the money would get spent, you know? And who would it go to? It would go to businesses. And what do business owners live in and buy? Houses. So what would happen to housing prices if you just dumped money to poor people? Well, somebody brought up a good idea, which was we should make it illegal for...

If it's a two a two bedroom house Okay It should be like illegal for that to just like I forget how they would do it Well they wouldn't but what was the I know I think the proposal was like that like These companies can't buy up all this fucking inventory And like watch it out or whatever Oh the companies

Prevent like BlackRock and whatever from owning all of them You have to be like Which I know every time we do a problem like this, someone goes, well, actually BlackRock only owns blah, blah, blah.

It's like, yeah, but it's like, if you have one house, it's too many. Yeah. And also just like individual house owners being like, Oh,

I'll just buy an extra house. I'll rent it out as an Airbnb and never rent it. Why are, why are housing lending rates tied to inflation? Yeah. Anything. Why aren't they just always the same rate? Housing, housing rates like rent. Yeah. Why aren't they just always the same rate? Housing rates?

Like rent? Yeah. Why are mortgages... Why do they fluctuate at all? What is the point? It's not any more or less... The house isn't fucking changing. It's always worth exactly the same, right?

Right. Why is it... Well, it's tied to what? Why is it always just 3 or 4%? Isn't it tied to the central banks? Yeah. Right? Yes.

Yeah. So they never lose money. So they can pump and pull and buy. We got to bring inflation down somehow, right? Somebody had an idea. Somebody had an idea. All I can say, guys, rather than focus on Dick's classic misdirection of trying to make every problem about how I voted, why not focus on the fact that you don't want to live in a fucking shoebox for the rest

of your life? That's the bottom line. My problem is, I'm going to call it tiny house propaganda. All these constant TikToks, whatever else. Look, me and my 12 kids and our three dogs live in a fucking van and we have a ladder to get to our bed. Weren't you a kid? Didn't you hope that your bed would have a ladder?

Yeah. Yeah. Isn't that fun? No. I want a regular bed. I want a regular house. Hi, I'm a woman and you probably didn't even think about fucking me yet. Isn't that weird?

Yeah, that is fucking weird. Actually. I want to remind everybody, vote on all the problems at biggest problem. Dot show. Don't forget to sign up for the bonus problems, or bonus episodes at patreon.com slash biggest problem. I want to thank our guest Carl Jopest, who you can subscribe to on YouTube. Search

for Carl Jopest in your search bar. He's a good guy. Okay, are we doing the weigh-in after Super Chats? Yeah, we gotta talk about that. Why? You know, we'll save it. I've got a super chance.

What? What are you trying to do? What are you trying to do? All right, Moon Milk for five. Uh-huh. Putting $5 in, just say first. Any luck on that Garbages shirt? Are you trying to make more Garbages shirts?

Oh, I'll look for it. I looked for it. I don't think I found one. Says, I'm shocked you guys never have Riley on, given your love of ISOM. Riley was here, but Mint Salad was on the Dick Show. Yeah, I don't think Riley wants to be on. Yeah, if he's in town,

he can come on. Why not? Koofer2, thank you all for not killing yourselves. Koofer another two. Congrats, Crimson, on getting a job. Thank you for not killing yourself. Riley Edwards for five. Biggest problem is coming home after a long, hard day's work to walk in the door and find out your girlfriend is in cleaning mode. Catch the next show.

What does that mean? I think that means that she's running around the house causing trouble. I also missed some from the last show, I think, and I wanted to make sure that, let's see. I hate video games for fives. Says Vito, why do you compulsively say black gentleman? I just wanted to read that about that guy. No, and then Wolfer gave us 10.

Hey, buddy, keep at it, fellas. Thank you, Wolfer. I didn't know we missed a couple. Let's see. Laying steel for two. Big ups to Liquid Richards. Someone told me know we missed a couple. Let's see. Lane Steele for two. Big ups to Liquid Richards. Someone told me this is a Wings of Redemption reference. Oh.

Something to do with PKA. I think if you ask PKA what that means, they will tell you. I don't go around asking things I don't know. I think it's a trick. Well. Red for five says, Vito, you better not make weight. I owe Tony $200 if you do. Oh, we'll see.

We are going to see. Oh, you're going to play the drum roll the whole thing? Eloy for 20, hello, you absolute legends. See, that's a good intro. Sarah Gardner for five, Vito, sharing the love. Enjoy your Christmas kooftick. Yeah, thanks. Vito, stop being so fat and sick. James Gardner for five. Vito, sharing the love. Enjoy your Christmas, koof dick. Yeah, thanks. Vito, stop being so fat and sick.

James Gardner for 20. Freed Riley, who was banned again by Eric July's fucking goons. Hey, were we supposed to talk to Ricky this week? Oh, Ricky Retardo? Yeah. We kind of had a lot going on. Then we're good. Vito, a booster and tell haters to suck a emoji. Deadcat

for five, does Vito really think Ninja has anything to do with the Ninja Blender? Yeah, he it's his company. Suck star to, and then the head is blown off. The head is blown off. It's pretty good. It's a good blowjob reference. Ninja took his streaming money. Shotgun.

Yeah. Yeah. Not. Suck a shotgun. Yeah oh not suck a cock yeah okay now it makes more sense point is everyone knows ninja made the ninja blender yeah disastrous bastard five african-american outline with a what is that rick it was probably a reference to something we were doing batting oh uh maybe when we were referring to the art of Eric Gilesa comics. Isn't that he? I said, because I was saying all he's doing is taking a render and adding a black outline.

He's saying, you mean an African-American outline. Oh, yeah. Bad at Karate for Five, Eric's playing with Shar-Bar-Bara dolls. Shar-Bar-Bara. I don't know what that is. Like a Barbie, Oh Shabarbara Black name Yeah

40 for 2 says My knees keep on growing Mitchell Schumacher for 5 Got my biggest problem shirt It hangs as low as a mini skirt Thought I ordered women's on accident Though TBF there's no sex option Love you

What? See now I don't know if there's It hangs as low as a mini skirt I don't know if that's true Or if he was just trying to trick me. See? I don't know. The shirts are not as low as a... I can get you one, by the way.

I gotta get you one. Okay. What size are you? XL? Yeah. Okay, I'll get you an XL. Black? You want a black one?

White. You want one of each? I want a stain it. You want one of each? Nah, just white. All right, I'll give you a white one. Manny Muskets for two. I just think the art looks cool.

Eric July's Wigger fans. Hold the truth hostage for five. Had Vito not marked Eric July image with a pepperoni, as Italians do for death, non-conflict would have ever happened. Free-friday Vito do better. Okay, I don't think I marked him with a pepperoni, but you can accuse me of that. Noel Harding for two.

Complain more, Dick. Not for $1.99. Yeah, please, every time I try to do anything for this show, get a guest, come up with a cool new bit. He was great. Yeah. Just saying it should have been problem, guest, problem. Because now it's like the show is after the guest. All right, so he wanted to come in at 6. I said,

can we do a little intro and then I'll bring you in at 6.30. Yeah. Otherwise we would have to start the show early. Okay. I just feel like it was a lot of filler. It could have been a problem. It was 10, 15 minutes of filler. It could have been a problem. It was not filler. All of that

discussion was great. You're an idiot. It seemed like filler. You're a moron. Everyone loved it. Best episode. Melissa Baker for five. Sorry I can't stay and watch Vito, but I need to hit the hay. Have a great week, and don't be afraid to get the GameStop girls number. See, she just bailed. She's like, this is filler.

I'm out of here. Shut up. Connor McQuinston for five. Never would have expected Carl to guest, but frankly, I love to see it. Great guest. Cheese in my pockets, Vito, for five. Anyone who complains About the show's format

Can paint their ceiling red Synapse for ten Australian says Dick I think you're wrong This was super interesting I was already invested In the story

Before Carl came on So I'm probably biased See you're wrong It's biased Okay I thought it was Interesting too But it should have been

But it would have been Better if it was 30 minutes further on In the episode for no reason. No, it should have been problem. The times was fine. I don't know why you keep gaslighting me into thinking that I'm saying change the times. I'm saying do it exactly like it is, but do a problem first. But then we have to rush through the problems because we have a specific time slot.

It's my problem. What do you care? Yeah, well, I didn't know you were going to do such a shitty problem. And then you talk about it. Well, I knew the guest was coming on, so I picked something that was easy to talk about, that they could have an opinion on, and then it's not just like hitting a fucking brick wall when they come on. It's like, oh, okay, uh, hello, hi. Then we're talking about something already.

Like, he's not going to talk about Eric July. Why is this the only podcast where we got to talk about the structure of the podcast? These are conversations we can have not on air. Because people at home are going to be wondering, why the fuck didn't they do the problem before they— No one is thinking that until you put the idea in their head. That's the problem. Oh, so you think if it's not for me, everyone would be like, that was perfect. Yes, they absolutely would.

And now I'm like bamboozled. You sound like Eric July. I'm like, no one thought his comic sucked until I said. If we had just put up the episode normally, everyone would have went, wow, that was really cool. Carl came in and they did two normal problems. No. But now.

They all said, what the fuck? Because their fucking internet dad is going, wow, really? I should have done a problem. And then Carl should have come in. Or whoever won. I picked a specific problem that he could. No. Okay. We're doing. The idea is. It doesn't should have come in. Or whoever won. I picked a specific problem that he could know. Okay, we're doing the idea.

It doesn't make any sense. It makes perfect sense. It makes absolute sense. It's as crystal clear as a fucking diamond. And I'm sorry you can't see it through your hazy alcohol covered glasses. Now it's like. But anyone with a fucking brain in their head gets the idea that, okay. We'll see.

Sometimes we can have little micro guests. They bring in one problem. No, they're going to be pissed. It's like problems in an hour? No, okay, sometimes we can have little micro guests. They bring in one problem. No, they're going to be pissed. It's like, problems in an hour? No, no, sir. You've got to mix the interview in. It's like a late show where Letterman just vamps for an hour. And then like, okay, let's bring a guy in here.

He does, Letterman does a show. And then he brings in a guest. He goes to the desk, he does a bit. Yes, we did. 30 minutes of bits. Not an expected bit. You know he's going to go to the desk he does a bit, and then the guest comes out. Yes, we did 30 minutes of bits. Not an expected bit. You know he's going to go to the desk, do a bit, and then the guest will come out. He does a top ten, then the guest comes out.

We did comments. We talked about Eric's comic. We did a bit. And then it led. That was bad. It wasn't bad. No, because both of us were thinking about the guest so it wasn't the same

kind of and you're sick I'm telling you it was a bad it was a mistake the way you wanted to do it was a mistake

I shouldn't have gone along with it I should have just done my problem like I said what are you talking about no one is complaining no one is in the comments

everyone is complaining already I don't understand why you guys didn't do one problem before bringing Carl on. I was completely thrown off because when I listen to this show, we all know that the winner of the previous episode has to do their problem, so you

can't just do Carl's problem because then I don't know who won the episode. Where are you reading that comment from? That's your autistic mind. That's your fucking damaged brain who thinks, oh, well, I won the episode, so I have to do a problem first. And we can't have Eric. We can't have Carl.

No, it's just easing it in. No, it's easing it. It's tapping it in. Tapping it in. We eased in with a little bit of comments. We talked about Eric's comic, and then we bring on Carl. It was way too hard of a shift to go from Eric's comic to a guest. This is so stupid.

It went great. I made the show excellent. I got a great guest. You got a great guest. No one's denying that. No one's denying that. I should have been able to do my next door problem first. I think the show would have been better if people heard about me getting banned from

next door. People are going to be pissed off. You're an idiot. Claptrap to Destroyer for 20 I miss giving you guys money Can I get a GTFY, Richard? Uh GT GFTY?

Yeah, I think you got it wrong Go fuck to yourself Go fuck to yourself Go fuck the yourself? Go fuck the yourself Clap Trap Clap Trap, go fuck the yourself There you go

What the fuck? What does that mean? Go fuck yourself. I think he's... Oh, so am I being too autistic again that I don't know what the letters are? Your obsession over what comes before what. Can we just do... He had a limited window.

We brought him in for the limited window. It went swimmingly. Shut the fuck up. Katie did a podcast for five. Thanks, Dick, for the support of my tweet this week about Eric privating his My Feelings stream. The Geek Getaway YouTube channel reacts to the stream. Eric did a whole stream about you and me. He's losing it.

He's losing it, man. His dad needs to show up and give him some support or something. Eric's losing it. Dude, he has a million-dollar comic campaign, and he's still obsessing over us. And he hired the Soska sisters full-time, he says? That was a big announcement? He hired three different people. He hired both the Soska sisters and some other guy.

What a retard. Full-time? There's three more full-time employees? Why? This is like show money. He's like a rapper. Well, you know what, though? He said they're going to be like the keepers of the lore.

I think he's like, shit, I am kind of fucked. This story doesn't make any fucking sense. I think he's going to have them I am kind of fucked. This story doesn't make any fucking sense. I think he's going to have them be the architects of his whole fucking comic. Why the fuck would I want to read a comic universe written by two dumb broads? Dude, it's the Saskaverse going forward. What a bunch of fucking trash. It's becoming the Saskaverse. 3D render,

sketch up, written by two two, you know, you love women in entertainment. How about two of them? Yeah. Oh, wow. Why don't you just fucking kill me? Can't wait for more lady comic books. Chuck Dixon is, you know, amazing and talented, but two broads? Yeah.

Fuck you. Well, you got Chuck Dixon and two- Fuck, Yara's going to be dog shit. Because you know why I know that? Because- Written by a woman. What's that you say? Written by two women?

Two women. Oh, wow. Do they switch off on every page? Do they tag team in? I think she could do this. I think she could fly here. What a bunch of fucking trash. Yeah, it's going to be great.

They wrote a porno. Did you know that? I did. It's weird that Eric's anti-woke comic company has hired two ladies who are just like kind of- Are they going to flip the cross upside down on his cock? Yeah, maybe. Is there a 3D render of that? I want to see their pornography. Why are you

making a parallel economy and hiring a bunch of women? That's what destroyed the last economy. What the fuck's the matter with you? Yeah, you saw what destroyed Hollywood. How about your Chuck Dixon way? Excuse me, Chuck, what do you think about hiring a bunch of women in your parallel? Let's hear it.

Let's hear your full-throated endorsement of having two women. Writing your fucking comic, dude. That's what I'm worrying about with the parallel economy, where I'm like, okay, so when you guys pitched that to the parallel economy, I was very skeptical. But then I started thinking about it, and I'm like, well, conservatives love guns and liquor. Well, you like, you know. Fucking love them. They like putting women in stuff and making them look hot. Oh, yeah.

Having their tits hang out. Oh, women shooting guns. Oh, God. I love women shooting guns so much because I have the IQ of a fucking rock. Point is, though. Women shooting guns, yeah. I would be much happier if the parallel economy, if fucking Daily Wire Plus was like, and here's our new movie. It's like Rambo.

Lucy Lawless is a cowboy. Wow. Go fuck yourself. Yeah, exactly. I don't want Gina Carano. Guys dressed up like women. Oh, fucking amazing. I'm sure all the gay men who are conservatives and hate gay people will love that movie.

I'm like, why don't you just make this hyper-masculine dude bro libertarian fantasy that you guys have instead of... Because they don't. Because they're gay. Yeah. They're not that thing that they claim they are at all. No. I'm like, I don't get it. You guys are obsessive.

We're triggering libs by dressing up like women and sucking each other's cocks. Wow, that sounds horrible. Look at all these guns I have. Oh, cool. Are you going to make a movie about a guy who shoots a bunch of guns? No. No, we're going to make a movie where we're all dressed up as women and play basketball. Wow, it looks like shit.

And it would have been cooler if you just made that gun movie that you pretend you're into guns and shit. It's the most triggering movie of all time. Yeah. If you don't like conservatives dressed like women sucking each other's cocks, you're going to be triggered by this. What's the name of the guy who made Sully? He's like the perfect example of what to do. Clint Eastwood. Clint Eastwood. Clint Eastwood.

His movies are fucking terrible, too. They're okay, though. Some of them are all right. American Sniper was okay. I liked that. Gran Torino was pretty good. Gran Turismo. Just because of all the racist stuff, though.

Yeah. If he didn't have all that, like, I used to stack, then it wouldn't be any good. I mean, I didn't see the stupid one about a bunch of, like, what was it, the army guys on the train who stopped a terrorist? Because it just takes one good guy stepping in to save the day. Yeah, Clint Eastwood's movies, except for Gran Turismo, suck. Gran Turismo. He's got a new, he's got a sequel in the theater right now. Gran Turismo 2?

Gran Turismo's in there, yeah. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Wow, that's cool. It is cool. He's back a new She's got a sequel In the theater right now Grant Gershwin's in there Yeah Oh yeah Yeah Wow that's cool It is cool He's back from the dead Ah Remember how I said

I used a stick Guys like you Are back I'm just saying Look Eastwood's films Are sometimes a little Too heavy handed

With some of the shit They're doing But at least it's like Okay this is Nothing happens Conservative movie With conservative values. Not a woman.

Not a woman. Not a woman kicking ass or whatever. It's just like, yeah. Hard men dealing with- I'm a tear on the prairie. I'm Gina Carano. What does your pussy smell like in the Old West? I don't want to think about this.

Did you see the trailer that I posted that was like the most popular trailer for that movie? The whole thing is just Disney fired Gina Carano. And I'm like, is that the only pitch the parallel economy has is at least we're not Disney? Like, come on. Yeah, that's it. You know, I love that they want to boycott Disney, but they won't pirate shit. Right. Because they're like, oh, it's pretty hard to boycott Disney.

Look at everything they own. It's like, no, just pirate everything. Why are you paying for this shit anyway? It's easy. It's very easy to boycott Disney. You just go on Torrance and get plaques and download whatever you want. I just got that Wish movie. And my favorite scene in that new Wish movie is when the black guy tells me how to open a Slotslight.net account.

That was cool. She's like singing a song, and the black guy goes, did you know that you can bet on slot machines at home right now? And I said, tell me more, Slotslight. Yeah, it's a big part of the movie. It's like two minutes. A bunch of Chinese guys are celebrating him. Let's see.

Dumbusername5 says, I'm sick of Dick's anti-vax talk. Nobody who got the vaccine caught COVID, and everyone who didn't get vaccinated died from COVID. That's true. Mr. Drunk-a for five. Heck yeah, Carl! Let's go with the super chats. I see that bar, and you're too close to the top

for how long you've been reading. Yeah, guys, get these super chats in here. Come on, come on, come on. It's Christmas time. Let's go. Dumb username for five. I just realized Rick Sanchez is more like Dr. House than been reading. Yeah, guys, get these super chats in here. Come on, come on, come on. It's Christmas time. Let's go. Dumb username for five. I just realized Rick Sanchez is more like Dr. House than Doc Brown. Yeah, that's true. Dead cat for two. I literally say, what's up, buddy? It literally says, what's up, buddy, behind his head.

Oh, it does say it right behind your head. And that was like one of the first fan arts. Well. Cliff Campbell. Well, I stole that. Cheese in my pockets.veta for five says the point is is veto's new tbf but he says it off but he often says it in comedic fashion so i don't want him punished you know everybody has things they say you don't have to constantly fucking

watchdog them no they don't they're just clever turns it makes you a worse speaker though no because that's what trump does, and you love that guy. Yeah, but he has a bunch. He mixes them up. No, he says big. He says win. He says huge. Mostly.

He already listed three. Size-related things, yeah. Yeah, that's cool. Big. I'll just say big more often. Spider Eternal with a big two. Vito Stoldick's What's Up, Buddy? Vote up, Fat Brain. John Q with a big two. Vito stole Dick's What's Up Buddy vote-up fat brain.

John Q with a huge two. There's a song on the TDS album called What's Up. Okay, I got it. Clip Samba for two. I always knew Vito stole What's Up Buddy from Dick. Great. Utah-based Armenian for two. Dick, What's Up Buddy?

Vito, my weight. Are you ready for this weigh-in? You said we need to talk about something. What the hell was that? We'll see about it. Crimson for five. What do you mean we'll see about it. We'll see about it. Hey guys, I'm sorry to say I lost my job sucking toes at the nursing home because

I was too lazy to show up for my first shift. I love you guys. Friggity for five. I can't believe you guys. Vito acknowledged. Vito trying to make what's-up buddy his line. Vito, you're a bad friend and a biter to better. Wow. I think i came up with it veto the wig for 20 says i hope the scale is calibrated for veto to be tbf way fairly

weighed top loaded gaming for five a thousand dollars a month as someone who lost my house in hurricane ida i'm running a four house for $700 and thank fuck for that because Jesus fucking Christ, that thing's a shack. I agree. Well, the hurricane probably has... The hurricane was there. Might have something to do with it. I think he's getting some assistance there. They're buying these houses. They're not renting it.

Yeah, it's $1,000 a month mortgage. Yeah. Yeah. Mr. Abtruse for 10. Vito, what is your best guess on how Crimson is not homeless but has not had a job in five years? Welfare. Welfare. And also, just FYI, I am very straight and not interested in any homosexual activities. Oh, that's a joke.

That guy's gay. There's a guy who sent me some DMs saying, one of our fans really wants to sleep with me. You? Yeah. A male fan. Oh. Yeah. Which one?

I'd have to look up the name. Well, and I... But today, like yesterday, well, I'm not going to give his name on the thing, but he's sending me more and more detailed pitches about being my live-in rent boy. What does he look like? I don't remember

if he sent a picture. What is a rent boy? He lives with you and you fuck him? Yeah, basically. I think that's... You fuck him or he fucks you? I would fuck him, would be the thing. Let me see if I can find it here. It's a very

kind offer. I just don't think it's necessarily what I'm looking for at this time. Okay. Why not? You can make him do comic stuff. The first pitch was this. I won't give the name. But, Vito, you know how Boogie is fucking that 20-year-old?

What if you did that but with a guy instead? Okay. Or is that you say you're gay or bi, occasionally. Or is that just liberal posturing? Anyway, I'm a young 20-year-old lad getting kicked out of the family house, and I was figuring I might as well reach out to see if I can make my dreams come true. Is he trying to neg you into fucking him? I think so, yeah.

Oh, what are you, just liberal posturing? Are you gay or not? If you were truly gay, you would let me come live in your house for free and use my but come true. Is he trying to neg you into fucking him? I think so. Oh, what are you, his liberal apostrophe? Are you gay or not? If you were truly gay, you would let me come live in your house for free and use my butthole. What are you, too gay to fuck a guy? I want to be your cum dump. I'm parasocially and

physically in love with you, and I want to service you day to day. I'm willing to do anything. What does he look like? Did he send you a picture of his wiener? Or his asshole, I guess, for you? These are, I don't know if I can show, well, I mean, this is on. Don't show it. Don't show it to people.

Well, this is on their public Twitter account. This is like from their Twitter account. Well, that's still kind of like doxy, don't you think? Show me. Well, yeah, I'm trying to find. Don't show people. I'm trying to find. It's a lot of pictures of his dick.

Let's see. Well, you can't.'t here here. What do you mean here? Just put it down on the table? No don't get away from me get away from me In the oh you're fucking showing it Okay well now I'm not Okay anyway With the dress on and stuff Yeah like a femboy situation I said I don't think that's gonna work

I don't really want someone living in my house Why not They're not gonna pay rent Not looking for a cum dump right now Necessarily Maybe like a long-term. The GameStop girl didn't work out. Anyway, that was back in September.

Then came back around and said, I'm shooting my second shot here, Vito. All I want to do is cook and clean for you and suck you off every night. Every night? That's too much. That's too much. Come on. I'm a good chef and I can be whatever you want. I will take estrogen if you want.

Please veto. You got to do that. I said I appreciate your enthusiasm, but unfortunately I don't think so. And he says one day I will get you. Until then, I will just continue to edge myself to your episodes of Kick or Keep. You could live here. Do yard work around the neighborhood. Offer to dick.

Yeah. And I'll come and I'll fill you up every now and again. No, no, no. That's not happening. What? No, no, no. That's part of it. You're going to pay a troll toll.

I got to pay to use your rent, boy. Get this boy's soul. Pigeon Saw. Oh, wait. Is that where we are? Yeah. Pigeon Saw for 10. Says Trump 2024.

I wish. Pigeon Saw for 10. Hell shit for 10. Is the only reason you vote is because you're getting a free taco? Hashtag don't vote. Vito the wig for five. Please make a Niggler shirt for us fans. You want just a shirt with a big N on it?

Because we can do that. Put the biggest problem logo on there. Maybe make it like a Superman emblem. Can we make a Superman emblem with an N in the middle instead of an S? I think that would be the wrong idea. You think? Yeah. It could be anything.

JJ for five. What's the problem? I hope Vito loses the weigh-in, trading his vote for tacos. I hope President Newsom develops a drug to make this misery bearable. JJ for another five says, I wanted to build a house and to cut the size in half. Vito did it because he was fat and hungry. When you lose, buy a burrito, stuff your face. Butts Granwa for five says, you should have just called your local party offices,

have them bid for your vote, likely resulting in a larger quantity of tacos. Yeah, that's true. What if you could sell your vote? That'd be good. I was going to say, for those of you who maybe missed the last show, Biggest Problem Merchandise, now available at killdozer.industries. Get yourself a t-shirt. Passed it. I going to put up a couple

more designs as well, so check in for those. Antagonist for five. Finally got my optician's license. Thank you for not killing yourself, and please someone tell Crimsel to get a job. Maybe you can come work for me as my apprentice. Come on, man. Optician.

Optrition? Cool. I wonder how much money those guys are making these days. The glasses, it's the eye doctor, right? What do you mean you wonder how much money they're making these days? Well, because. More than before? No, less. I assume they're making less.

Yeah. Yeah. More and more people are flooding into these markets. Chinese guys coming from abroad to look at our eyes and take the secret of the Aryan eye back to China. Yeah, the fold. Very interesting. Norm for five. Is that a stone toss doll?

How'd you get that? No, that's a dildo. Okay. Something's going on. Something's going on. Chad Sharp for $33 and no message. I love it. Dildo. Okay. Something's going on. Something's going on. Chad Sharp for $33 and no message. I love it.

But then adds an additional $70 and demands more Avery Knox cutouts. I think for 50 bucks we can give Chad a little. Let's see what I got. Not me. Not you, Ricky. I'm retarded also. You're not the right kind of retarded. I'm kind of having a hard time. I realize that I'm only a 3D rendering.

Oh, you... Okay, hold on. And also my camera's not there. Do you want me to switch chairs? No, I do not want you to switch chairs. No, Vito. I don't want you to switch chairs. Please hold on. Just hold on. Hold fucking on.

You always have to be on camera. You both help it. You don't have to put me on camera if you don't want to. I know. I know. Calm down, Vito. It doesn't work. You take the cutout away.

That's you. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. There you go. Now it's Ricky again. Okay. Calm down, Vito. I know, you go. Now it's Ricky again. Okay. Calm down, Vito. I know, I know. Did it paste?

Let me do it, all right? Let me do it. I did a special quiz about doing OBS. OBS actually turns out is the only program that retarded people can use. Yeah, well, apparently not you. Hold on there, Vito. All right, calm down. Calm down, calm down.

Everybody just go to paste. Yeah. There we go. Wow. There we go. There I am. And transition. There you go.

Transition, yeah. There you go, Vito. Hey, Ricky. Stop crying. You're not on TV for once in your fucking life. Well, Ricky, we didn't ask for you. We asked for Isomnox. Okay, Ricky, so you can stop crying and nag me now.

Okay, well, let me just hold on before I get Isom out. He's an old guy. He doesn't understand computers. Yeah, no, not like you. You're good with the computer, huh? Yeah, I'm very good. You play your Teletubbies game. You play all your favorites.

No. Math Blaster. Well, you're not good at Math Blaster. I play Stopwatch. Stopwatch. Thought it. Start it. Doubt it.

And I want to see how high it'll go. I haven't figured out what lap does yet. But I'm getting there. You're pretty good at stopwatch, Ricky. I'm doing my thing. You're pretty good at stopwatch. Hold on. I'm trying to find.

Oh, shit. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. There we go. Oh, wow. Mr. Avery Knox. Oh, my. It's been a while.

Back in my day, we made a comic by setting up little dolls, taking pictures of them with a picture in paper. Picture in paper, yeah. Yeah, for cheap. But now there's a new way of making comics. Your grandson is pioneering. Oh, that's good. We used to sell them to suckers.

We'd take a bunch of dolls, paper dolls, make a little diorama with them. It's called dioramas, Vito. I don't know if you knew that. It's called dioramas. This is a classic July family grift. Yeah, we'd sell them to the dumbest, whitest motherfuckers you could find. He said, get your honky ass down here. Yeah. I made $600 one time selling my diorama pictures.

Wow. He said, this is a real story, I would say. That you were selling. It looks like dog shit, but I would say this is a real story. This is a real story. And this is nothing like anybody else is doing, right? Yep. Yeah.

Well, your grandson's doing very well with his Alpha Corps campaign. Over a million dollars raised. Can you believe it? Really? How is it spelled? I'd have spelled it A-L-F-U-H-C-O-R-P-S. How did he spell it? Pretty close to that. Pretty close to that. Pretty close. He forgot the P-S, though. Oh, that-H. U-H. C-O-R-P-S. How do he spell it? Pretty close to that.

Pretty close to that. Pretty close. He forgot the P-S, though. Oh, that's good. Go to hell if my boy's doing good. He's doing excellent. And how are you doing, of course? I know there was some...

Well, Dad. Yeah, you're dead. That guy pissed all over my... That guy pissed all over my grave. I don't know if he pissed on your grave. That could have been anything. That could have been anybody's piss. Isn't it nice to have visitors, though?

Isn't it nice to have somebody come by, say hi? Uh, yeah. I guess it is. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know why he doesn't make a comic about your, you know, illustrious life. How come he didn't make a comic about me? I'm like a super badass in the slave days.

Is that true? Into the Civil War, I was actually a badass in the slave days this is the civil end of the civil war i was actually a badass in the civil war days oh man wow they would escape the they would escape and i would say all right let's round up right up boys mount time to mount up and capture us these escaped slaves wait hold on a second you would i would the slaves would escape and you would do what exactly round them back up get get your ass back no no no hold on that's not a good story The slaves would escape and you would do what exactly? Round them back up. Get your ass back out. No, no, no. Hold on.

That's not a good story. The slaves would escape and you'd bring them back? I was like Batman catching escaped slaves. Oh, no. Mr. Knox. No. Unfortunately, at this point in history, your actions are heavily frowned upon. Recapturing escaped slaves.

Probably because you're a liberal. That's probably why. It's not a liberal. Selling certain men into slavery is considered wrong. This is a pretty good way for me to have my teeth for this guy, isn't it? You got to look at the screen, Vito. It doesn't work when you don't look at the screen. You got to look at the screen.

I'm looking at the screen. Not any other way. I know. And now I'm really talking. You will ruin it for yourself. Because you start to think that it actually is me talking to you if you only look at the screen. Okay. Well, I see you there, Mr. Allen.

Hey, how do you feel about your weigh-in contest coming up tonight? I'm very excited. I cannot hide my anticipation. Yeah. I heard about the format issues on the show. There are no format issues on the show There are no format issues on the show There are no format issues Other than ones that show up in Dick's head

Because he's a fucking idiot Alright Oh boy No one has a problem with the format other than him Because he's overthinking everything That was just kind of confusing It's not confusing Three problems were done

Alright Each of the hosts and the guest It's weird to have a show It's not the guest. It's weird to have a show. It's not a weird order. It is weird to have a show about problems and the guest brings in the first problem. Usually you want to kind of soften it up for them. He, right? It would be weird to do a problem, then bring on a guest.

Like if you were going to whip someone, you would whip them first and then you'd hand it off to somebody else. The show is not a sandwich, okay? The problems do not have to be sandwiched between each other. What does sandwich have to do with it? I'm just saying it's fine to kick off the show with a little bit of gossip and fun. Oh, I see. Sandwich apropos nothing. Well, I heard about those dioramas, and I just wanted to say that's actually cool.

It's standard practice for our family's been scamming for a long time. And that's totally fine. It's well in line with what your family is used to, is what you're saying. Yeah, that's right. Great, great, great, great, great in Roots Days. In Roots Days? Is that what you called them? Yeah, like Africa.

With stand-up little rocks. And that would be considered a comic. That was a comic. Rocks assembled in a loving way. One rock speaking to another rock. And someone would say, I've paid for a fucking drawing. What are you? Just a bunch of rocks that you stacked up.

And say, well, you know, no refunds. And then you just throw a bag around. We had a parallel economy back then. We got a parallel economy. We tried to have a parallel economy in the South. But, you know. You know who. That was a different kind a parallel economy in the South, but you know who didn't like it. That was a different kind of parallel economy.

Well, nonetheless, it's still a parallel economy, but you know who wouldn't let us have that. Yeah. Was that Mr. Lincoln gave you guys some trouble? Yeah. Yeah. Well, unfortunately- Thank God. Thank God.

That parallel economy you were proposing had some problems. Well, we didn't really do any much better after that, thank you very much for asking. I think we're doing a little bit better than we were doing during Confederacy times. Not me, I'm dead. Yeah, well, that's not... How is it that you charge $100 for what is a diorama with little dolls, computer dolls slipped over? Are people saying that that's gay? There are some people suggesting that there might be something unethical.

Well, not unethical, but just... Look, I found a way to make even more teeth. Look at that. All right, Mr. Knox. Come on. Get out of here. I'm done with this. All right.

All right. Well, that was Mr. Avery Knox, of course. For 50 bucks. You got way too much for 50 bucks, I think. Don't super chat shame him. It's your choice. That was my fault. Well, I liked seeing him again, and we got a brief appearance from Ricky, two of my favorite

RIPAverse characters. We should do a Christmas album of those guys. Sure. What are they going to sing? We should do a Christmas album of those guys Sure What are they gonna say? First day of First day of Ripper Christmas I got an Iceheim comic Hold on

Hold on Hold on there, boy Hold on Alright Excuse me, but no, Vito No, I'm not allowed to do it I did not say it that way I'm not allowed to do it

Well, that Yeah, for starters Neither is Ice not allowed to do it. Well, that, yeah, for starters. Neither is I, so I'm allowed to do it. Well, yes, but I wouldn't. Okay. Okay. On the birthday of Ripple, Miss. Yeah.

My artist gave to me one 3D warehouse. Like that? No. You nailed it, Ricky. You nailed it. On the second day, Michael winning for two. Diamonds are not clear. You are turned.

Fantastic. What are we talking about? I don't know. Diamonds are not clear. I probably said as clear as a diamond. Diamonds are clear. Well, the very expensive ones Yeah

But I'm saying I've never heard that saying before though Clear as a diamond Is that what I said? Diamonds are cut To not be clear But their clarity Is an important component

Of the diamond Yeah but you would never See through one You would use clear Yeah clear as a brick Like you'd use it negatively No you'd never say clear as And then say something

You'd only use that euphemism sarcastically Well I don't remember what I said I think when I said I might have said with diamond clarity or something It'd be diamond precision Yeah I don't know what happened This guy's getting too much gas Out of his two bucks too Diamond precision. Yeah. Oh, all right. I don't know what happened. It's a mixed metaphor.

This guy's getting too much gas out of his two bucks, too. I know. When people super chat us, can you not be in reference to a thing we said 20 minutes earlier? Can you understand that we're not going to remember what we said? So you have to put it in context. I'm going to say Vito said blank is a diamond, what he actually meant. Okay. Jay Thompson says, for two, says make a poll about the show format. No. Vito the Woog for two. Vito arguing with

a man making $17,000 on a podcast. It's not because of which way he structures the fucking... You tell me what it's about. Gates of Above for five. You are wrong, Vito. Dick is right. I was completely confused after how the format of the show started. I was waiting for the problem that never came. Thank you for being honest.

You're just trolling me because you know it was pissed me off. MSG Enthusiast for seven Canadian. Have some money, my men. Roxanne Kaiser for five. I drew Vito as a fat otter for a reason. Zealous Annoy for two. Wait, why? Because I'm fat. But with the

otter part. That's because I'm gay. Otters aren't gay. Well, otter is a term. They like, made for life. You know, bear is a term in the gay community. Yeah. Otter is also a term in the gay community. But you're not that. I know that term. Yeah, no. But I'm not a bear either.

I'm closer to a bear. Yeah. Zealous annoy. Is it annoy? I never know that word. For two, Star Wars is mid-tier Sci-fi Veto the wig for two 20 buck is enough to read

The Fairly Veto POS Oh, to read them fairly? Did I say one incorrectly? Nah, it's two bucks Whatever, somebody said Dumb username for two, if I wanted to rob Veto I'd offer to be a rent boy. Very

smart. Digging into posts for five. Biggest problem in the universe is the zombie account stealing the banned Crimsel username. Don't do that. Don't. Oh, Crimsel. Can't possibly steal his username. Username.

MSG enthusiast for seven Canadians says, Vito, watch out for those predator hunters. Maybe that was a predator hunter trying to, like, trick me. That was pretty lewd pictures that they were sending you. Yeah, they could have stolen from somebody else, though. Have them write Vito on your penis. On their penis. I should have said write Vito on your penis.

Write biggest problem on your penis. Yeah, write biggest problem. Don't do that. I don't need that in my life. It doesn't fit. Then I don't want to see it. I don't need that in my life. It doesn't fit. Then I don't want to see it. I don't want to get accused of grooming fans or whatever the fuck. I don't know that they're under 18.

No, but you could groom adults now. Who cares? Weirdos, for some reason. Who gives a shit? You made that 22-year-old feel like they were special. Yeah, I'm a fucking bad guy, man. Yeah, that's true. Dumb username for five. I noticed that Tomi Tako doesn't do

anal. She'll eat a butt, but will not take it in the butt. Classy lady. Maybe that's a cultural thing. Maybe. John Rister for five. We all know the guy who messaged Vito is Mr. Abstruse. That's correct. Clipper versus Gold Post for two. Great guest. Odd pacing. Dick was right. Shut

the fuck up. Thank you. Okay. Thank you. Everybody leave a comment as to how you would structure the guest. Thank you. Knowing that they have a 6.30 call time. Do the problem at 6.20. Then it's only a 10-minute problem.

Who fucking cares? Well, then it sucks, and you're going to rush through it. problem. Who fucking cares? Well, then it sucks, and you're gonna rush through it. Leave a comment letting me know how I'm supposed to structure the show. Okay? I'm? Yeah, I'm, because I'm doing the, I'm getting

the guests. Okay? Well, who's the last guest you brought in? Uh, Deez? Oh, yeah? Yeah. Wow, he was a great one. The last guest I brought in was Ware. Fucking asshole. Michael winning for two.

Two dollars worth of gasoline. Who really wins? Tool chest for five. Vito said earlier in the show he was a fat retard, and I agree. I don't remember that. Okay. Are we doing the weigh-in? Sure.

What do you want to talk about? Well... What? I think we should go to veto loses dot com. Okay. Veto loses dot com. Okay. It's at 11, 1178.

1178. Time until final weigh in. Four days. Four days. You want those four days? I just feel like it should be next show, and I should get... Oh! Let's be real.

You fucking cheap ass! If there was... If it was... It's over under situation. I have four days, 11 hours left. Why would I weigh in now? You think you're gonna lose it? That's almost a whole week!

Oh, you fucking asshole. Bro, I'm just going by your fucking setup. Four days, 11 hours, 36 minutes. Damn it. Okay, what about this? I'm going by your weigh-in. What about this? What? I had what?

So I have a scale and I've covered up the numbers. Sure. It is a Bluetooth scale that's connected to my phone No What do you mean no? You want me to weigh in now? This is the deal You weigh yourself now

And you can pick Which one Which number Which number So I get to weigh in next week as well You get to weigh in next week as well Do you think you're under it? Okay. So I get to weigh in next week as well. You get to weigh in next week as well. Okay. Because your weight might fluctuate.

Do you think you're under it? Did you weigh yourself today? I think my weight is fluctuating right now. Did you weigh yourself today? Yeah, but my scale's fucked. How fucked is it? It's like broken. Well, how broken?

A cleaning lady came over and touched it and it shattered into a million pieces. It happens everywhere you go. I'm just saying, look, four days, 11 hours. You have to weigh your... I won't tell anybody what it is. Well, I want to know what it is today, but I don't think you should get to see it. Why do you get to see it? Because I'm the only one that can keep secrets.

I'll take a picture of it. No. You have to go in blind. All right, I'll go... Well, wait, do I get to know what my weight is? No. Why not? Because.

Because you're fucking being a lawyer about the rules. So then why do you want to know it? You just want to know it for your own curiosity. No, I will. I have it on my fucking computer machine. Put your phone. Don't take your phone. Take your hat off.

Take that shirt off. And I'm going gonna cover up my Everything I got one other thing I got a box of stuff Can we do one more bit? Yeah yeah yeah sure Okay

Are you gonna react to it? No Come on me? Stone face Come on Here we go Just stand on it Here we go. Just stand on it.

Okay. I got it. Should I do it again? Just to double check? You can. Is it the same? Yeah, it's about the same It's.2 pounds difference Okay So next week you're gonna do it?

Yeah To get your four days out? Yeah What are you gonna do? Cut off my fucking legs Shut up You got a lot of money on the line here 1200 bucks People could put

Do you think you're gonna get in Do you wanna bet on your weigh in also For next week What do you have here Spirit of the rules I have a gift week? What do you have here? It's the spirit of the rules. I have a gift. You should be able to tell what it is immediately.

It's all caps comics. This comes from our good friend Ethan Van Skyver. Oh, yes. Creator of Cyberfrog. Does he use 3D models to do those intricate thousands of lines?

No, he draws. Cyber muscles and shit on Cyberfrog? He needs more discipline, according to Eric. I don't actually know. So I know that... Eric, by the way, Eric did the one sport that requires no practice. Right. Running.

So here from our good friend Ethan VanSkyver Over at All Caps Comics Creators of Cyberfrog Cyberfrog now available on Indiegogo I believe Cyberfrog 3 Red Extermination Is that correct? We have

The Vispas here I gotta put it where So he has sent us a variety Of cyber frog Toy I'm keeping this one though I get the ultimate Tactically he sent these to me but I said

I'll bring them on the show And unbox them there And I'm sure Dick would want something You know what I opened it And there's a woman's hot ass Nice So you are on notice thing. You know what? I opened it and there's a woman's hot ass. Nice. So you are on notice. My comic has hot asses in it as

well. We got a nice foil Ooh, this is nice. The foiling Wait, is this the new one? No, the new one's not out yet. What is that? I don't know. That might be two again. It might be a variant of two. No, it's salamandroid.

This is our collector's album, and this is just in case people are like, oh, that's like dented up. Specifically, this is the stuff that he didn't want to sell because it had little dents in it. I mean, this shit's like, honestly, this shit's like why you read comics. Like, look. Yeah, that's so much. It's like artistic. It's cool.

It's fucking crazy, man. It's awesome. The way he draws the honey things is crazy Oh yeah part two okay Oh here we go These are awesome You want a hat? I like that he made this one

You can beat off to the chick on the last page There's more to comics than just beating off to them Dick Trying to put on my new cool comic skate guy hat, which will forever get me banned from the comic industry, but that's fine. And

oh, that Vespas figure is cool. Is there a cyber frog? Oh, here we go. Here's our boy. Look at that. That's fucking awesome. Dude, these are way bigger than I thought they were too Yeah they're huge This is huge

Can I open it up This is like Yeah open it up I mean I'm gonna keep I'm not opening this one though Well actually maybe I will You just told me to open it up And I get one fucking finger

And you're like Oh I'm not opening mine up though No you can open that up You can open it up That's This is sick Are you supposed to open them Yeah you are

Yeah these ones These ones are again He had like some stock That I think got a little dinged, and so he, rather than. Why are you demeaning his presence? No, but I'm telling, no, that's. You're making it sound like it fell off, like it's like, oh, this. No, but I'm saying to you, the customer, that's how much he cares about you, is that he would never sell you dented merchandise. It's just weird bringing up dented merchandise at all when you're like showing presents. When you order a bunch of stuff, like, you know,

some of it's gonna get, you know, a little whatever. But I'm saying whatever. I'm just putting it in context. You're putting it in a bad context. And we got Heather. Man, I kind of want to like pose these. We should put them on the set somewhere.

These are hot. This is the chicken fry edition. This is my favorite part of any toys. The twist tie. The twist tie. Opening the twist tie. I'm going to take Cyberfrog out. I'm going to see my Cyberfrog.

Shit, I fucked it up. Toys are meant to be played with. By kids. No, by me. Oh shit, I fucked it up. Toys are meant to be played with. By kids. No, by me. By adults. Well, this is way better than somebody sent me a black Pac-Man. Shut the fuck up. The second you started that sentence, I already knew where it was going. I'm already like, I know he's going to nag at my little gift.

He's going to go, Vito gave me a Pac-Man. It fucking sucks. Fuck you. All right. Yeah, we can make him fight and shit. I like that that guy remembered that I said I fell asleep to his videos. To Carl's videos? Yeah, he remembered it all the way till the end Oh

Man can I get this on? Alright He's gonna fuck chicks with this stinger and stuff cool See this is this is so Cool. See, this is so cool. How does this go? It's just a little hook, so you just gotta figure out how to position it.

Well, that's what I was asking. Yeah, but I'm saying it doesn't go anywhere in particular. It's just literally wherever you feel it should go. Oh. Like that? No, I think you actually had it. I think the way you were doing it was correct. Put it around the body.

Oh, wait. There it goes. Okay. Yeah. Then it can balance. Cool. My name is Cyberfrog. So I can make a Cyberfrog comic just by arranging these and taking pictures.

Yeah, just by taking pictures of these and then flattening it in a SketchUp type program and having it add a shitty black outline to everything. You might even be able to find a cool model to use for Cyberfrog's truck, which could be an exciting character for your comic. Well, thank you. Thank you to Ethan VanSkyver, creator of Cyberfrog, again available now on Indiegogo. Cyberfrog 3, right, Extermination.

And I believe the figures are still available in limited quantities Maybe through Ethan's personal store. I don't know the best way to get these but Honestly, these are written man. These are great Let me see. I'm just in you're sick. Oh, I'm not so I can't fucking play with cyber frog cuz you're sick Give me some antibacterial spray. I'll spray the fucking figure. That's only 99.99% effective. Here, play with the heads. No, you looked at that.

What's the folder that you got? A trapper keeper? Yeah, it's for your collector's cards. So you can store all your cyber frog trading cards. Oh, those exist? Yeah, he's got trading cards. He didn't send us any, Ethan. I don't know what that's about.

Maybe he didn't have any dinged ones. I like free shit. Shut up. Hey, everybody. We got some dinged merch from Ethan Manzimer. Pretty cool. I'm just, you know. Look, that's how he presented it to me. I'm just I just you know

look that's how he presented it to me he said I have not even you taking it like you messed up you saying that it's actually true and that he said that oh my god I don't see how that's throwing shade I'm just explaining

do not speak at my funeral don't please don't a couple that's throwing shade. I'm just explaining. Do not speak at my funeral. Don't. Please don't. A couple figures fall off the truck, and his loss is our bounty. Okay? That's it. All right.

Thank you, everybody. I guess you're going to weigh in next week. I'm going to weigh in next week. You got seven days. Yeah, I know. And I know exactly how much you have to gain or lose. Yeah, I know. You could lose it. If you gain, I have the number.

Yeah. If you gain over the number, you lose. Or you have to lose weight. Or I have to lose weight. Or I've already made it, and I've made a miscalculated decision. That's what we'll know next week. We're going to find out. You've got to do it right away next week, right at the beginning of the show.

Why? Because people are going to be all cock-teased. Well, they should have looked at the website. It's got the fucking date on there. I didn't set up the website. This is your fault. Yeah, it is. Oh, I'll put up the list of our new supporters because I finally made it.

Just real quick, guys. That one? No, that's not it. Oh, there it is. Is that the new one? That's the new one. Thank you, everybody's not it. Oh, there it is. Is that the new one? That's the new one. Thank you, everybody, for supporting the show. Maintaining your Patreon and backed by memberships helps us make the show better.

Let's just get guests like Carl Jobs tried to pay thousands of dollars for his appearance, of course. No, that's not true. We love Carl. Carl's great. Everybody's great. Thanks. Great show. Next week, you're going to find out just how much I smashed your expectations. no it's not true we love Carl Carl's great everybody's great thanks great show next week you're going to find out just how much I smashed

your expectations and the hundreds of pounds that have been lost yeah check the super chats real quick because I imagine they're all yelling at me let's see maybe maybe maybe I'll tell you guys if you super chat a whole bunch

maybe then I'll like bring it in Okay we got a couple more super chats Let me see Format sucks stop fucking up the show Berserker for two Vito's guy's cradle is on the line What band for five you want to be a lawyer about it You should weigh in when the countdown hits zero

It's closest without going over Or whatever well I guess it is going over Off duty Desperado for ten Hey have a quick Carl. I made love to Carl's W-A-T-P wife times three at the last road rage in my Airbnb. Am I still a good Catholic? She's married, not me. Ha ha ha.

I like that the show ends with a super chat of someone fucking Carl's wife. Well, it's 10 bucks. What a good ending. Thanks. Thanks, everybody. Cyberfrog. Carl Jost, we love them all. Take care of yourself and good night. Cyberfrog.

Look at that.