The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 119

Episode Date: December 16, 2023

movie posters, which is hilarious. Fuck you! Now it's recording. Alright, I got it now. Now it's really, yeah. Wait, was it not live? Oh, it wasn't recording? It wasn't doing the computer audio. Oh, so they couldn't hear the sound or something?

Because you're distracting me with Frank and Son's talk. I'm just thinking about action figures. When's the last time you went to Frank and Son's? I don't want to go right now, though, because for Christmas it's going to be all picked over. You're going to lose out on some precious trash? Yeah. Last time I went, I couldn't buy anything because there's nothing left.

What did they have? Just like garbage Funko Pops instead of the good stuff? They had some cool stuff. Although I'll see stuff there and then I'll just buy it online because it's cheaper. Bro, you don't want a new Patrick Wilson Funko Pop? Dude, that's the worst part. Wait, what's that? Half the boots are Funko Pop.

Fucking Aquaman. What's his name? Ocean Master? Yeah. I do like Ocean Master. How do you not want to see Aquaman 2? That first Aquaman was good. I hate superhero shit, man.

Superhero shit gets views, though. It builds the channel. If I gave a shit about views I wouldn't say Half of the stuff that I say on purpose Are you kidding me? You want to be the superhero reviewer guy? I wish Tony was out here Make Tony review with me

Damn That's how he leads in the show I wish Tony was here not you Not that I'm just saying Not me he means not you I was just like alright shots fired then shit It's got nothing to do with. I'm just saying. Not me, he means. Not you. I was just like, all right, shots fired then. Shit, all right. It's got nothing to do with you.

I'm just saying. I wish Tony was here. I feel Tony's like an extension of this show. What? Why do you think that? He's part of the extended whatever this universe. Vetoverse? What do you think you are?

It's honestly the Brown. It's the Maddoxverse, if anything. Oh. How's that going? I guess he is. Maddox is my nemesis that I was mentioning before the show. You've seen his website

if you've ever been on the internet in the past 15, 20 years. Search for bald cuck with AIDS. No, search for... Jesus. Best page in the universe? Yeah, that might work too. Why is he releasing his video one chapter at a time? Is that bad?

It's hilarious. Is it bad to release a three hour? It's bad to release the three hour cut and then go, well, what if it was broken up chapter by chapter? You like my video, huh? He probably should have released it like that to begin with. Wow. Why?

Why do you think so, Vito? I just think it's a better release strategy. Are you an expert that has 20 years of... I have more subscribers than Maddox. Has he got any subscribers from that video? Should we check? Yeah, we should check. Let's look up... Oh, I got to switch this Should we check? Yeah, we should check. Let's look up.

Oh, I got to switch this over right now. Yeah, switch on over. All right, transition. There we are. Yes. Now let's check what we were talking about before the show. Social Blade? Yeah, sure, Social Blade.

Okay, Social Blade. I want to see how Maddox is, because in Maddox's video, he... Is he Maddox the Cuck? What is his... I think it's just Maddox is, because in Maddox's video, he. Is he Maddox the Cuck? What is his? I think it's just Maddox. It's just Maddox? It might be real Maddox. I don't remember.

There it is. Oh, there he is. Okay. All right. How many subscribers does he have? Still 247. Has not moved. And I think I'm at 248.

I was at 250, but every time I stream games, I lose subscribers like crazy. You have to take it seriously. We can't lose this edge. If I put out one good video, I can get back up. We're live, by the way. Oh, shit. Alright. No, it's fine.

I was going to say to you, though, because you have been slow-rolling watching the Maddox video. He circles my subscriber count, you know? Like it bothers him or something. It probably does. It probably does. Have you ever had a nemesis, Winston? Vito, introduce your friend.

This is my good friend Winston A. Marshall. What's good? Who I've known in L.A. for what, like 10 years or something? Damn, it's been that fucking long, bro? Yeah, it's a problem. It actually might be long. Now years or something? Damn, it's been that fucking long? Yeah, it's a problem. It actually might be long. Now that I think about it, it's been 23. Yeah, no, not that long.

Not 13. No, but- Damn, math is escaping me tonight. I mean, I knew you through, of course, I lived with a bunch of Jews in LA. See, right away he goes- I love Jew house. Right out the gate.

Right out of the gate. I lived with like four Jews. But you don't, everyone knows that you don't. Everyone knows that you- Wait, that I, I love Jew House. Right out the gate. Right out of the gate. I live with like four Jews. But you don't. Everyone knows that you don't. Everyone knows that you don't. Wait, that I didn't love Jew House? I did love Jew House. See?

What? Career destruction. They would introduce me to their methods and their- They taught me how to clip coupons. What? No, they didn't do that. The Jews aren't- Well, I get my black ass into shit.

I gotta explain this shit to my mama tomorrow. They say you have to. Vito was late, by the way. Now they're going to think. I'm not late. I was late. Okay. Jesus.

What time did I get here? After me. Like 6.02, 6.03. That's on time, basically. That's essentially CPT. Point is, you knew my roommate, Johnny. Yeah. You guys went to college together, I believe.

We did. Were you guys buddies in high school? Is that what that was? Yeah, so the weird thing is that- Are you like Mr. Girl or are you better than him as a former Vito friend? Who is Mr. Girl? You don't want to know. I don't.

We're not talking about Mr. Girl on this episode. This is the part where it's like, I legit seen Vito's ass in probably like five years. I saw him at a couple screenings over the last year or two, but I haven't sat down with Vito. I think I saw you at Black Panther and one other one. I was like, hey, we're still alive. Not just a movie. Oh, I saw you at Black Panther, which I love. Which I did love.

Mr. Girl, people think he's a pedophile and that's the, that's the, that's the best thing. That's the best thing people think about him. Damn. That's a lot of deep lore. Look.

Yo, y'all like, I'm black, but y'all in the dark part of the internet. Yeah. Fuck. Point is,

all us Massachusetts kids are all fucked up. And yes, we did go to the same, me and Johnny and Mr. Girl all went to the same high school and we all took very divergent

Paths in the wood This is like a gay stand by me That you're doing Me and Johnny Mr. Girl would go on to write the I'm a pedophile rap on TikTok It's a good rap Point is our high school clearly did something wrong

To all of us What are you reading? These are my notes for later in the show. Should I start the show? I think you should start the show. I'm excited, too. Anyway, wait, hold on. But I do want to finish an introduction again.

Winston A. Marshall. It was just getting into like, yeah, we knew like Slippy Pisty. You remember him? Oh, yeah. Remember Ronnie the Rapist? Yeah, I remember him. Oh, yeah. We used to hang out at fucking D'Onofrio's Deli.

One Ball Bobby is my favorite. It's hard to, you know, in L.A., like, people move around and you don't see people for a while. So it's just great to know that, you know, there's still this... I'm alive. Yeah, you're alive. That's it. You didn't run away from L.A. like so many other people do.

They burn out. They can't handle it, you know. I almost moved to Atlanta for a minute. Yeah, but you're still scrapping. Why? It's the LA lifestyle. Black people. But Atlanta, wait a minute, Atlanta's full of them. Exactly, exactly. No, I just.

Scott Adams get to you? Is that what happened? Fucking Christ. I mean, I just, all it was is just, you know, I act and shit. And so same thing. Just a lot of opportunities down there too. Okay. Like you, Dick. I don't act and shit. And so same thing. Just a lot of opportunities down there, too. Okay. Like you, dick. I don't act and shit, man.

You're in that Netflix fucking thing. What Netflix thing? You're in a Netflix thing? Am I not allowed to talk about that? I don't know. You were on a fucking Netflix show. Oh, shit. That was a long time ago.

No, it wasn't. That show came out like six months ago. It was like a bit part, but you were still in it. What show was this? Making a Murderer? Something about murdering or something. Wait a minute, are you in that Twin Flames shit? I don't know.

He played the scumbag who is selling what, merchandise? I have my typecast. I'm trying to get out of this typecast. He's always having me in. He used to be a young slick criminal and now he's like an old fat has-been criminal. I was like, wait a minute.

I got the wrong sides for this. I was supposed to have the young, slick, love interest criminal. This guy's like talking about his kids going to college and visiting his daughter on the weekends? That can't be. There's been a mistake. Well, they cast you perfectly for this show where you played a scumbag

selling murder merchandise. They never cast me as a Mexican criminal either. That kind of annoys me. You're not Mexican-facing enough. But I could do it. Come on, coach. Put me in. I could wear a white wife beater.

I think if you went in, I think you got to tan a little more. Well, all right. Let's start the show. All right. God damn. I'm just Well, alright, let's start the show Alright God damn I'm just saying, like, Hollywood Is that a good start? That's shit Welcome to the show

You white boys and white peasant boys are crazy It's cause my nemesis is around So everyone is on swipe or no swiping behavior right now Damn Anything could happen Anything at all Anyone could get included in the next lawsuit So everyone is on swipe or no swiping behavior right now. Damn. Anything could happen. Anything at all. Anyone could get included in the next lawsuit.

Maddox could go after you. He could even go after you. I think there's a chance Maddox is going to sue somebody. He could even go after you. I'm afraid I got to zoom in right there. Oh, my God. It's going to be one hell of a show. Biggest problem in the

universe. Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe. The only show that ranks every problem in the universe to guys acting like fools for chicks and thinking about sucking all the dicks. How about that? That's from LP Dirty PM.

Your host, Dick Bastian. Joining me as always, Vito Gisualdi. Joining us in studio, Winston. I forgot the Winston. Winston A. Marshall. I'll go with Winston A. Marshall. I'll go with Pippen. I appreciate it.

Winston A. Marshall, how you doing, buddy? You know. How's life? You know. How's the holidays? You know. Shit. you doing buddy you know how's life you know holidays you know no i mean i was i was uh telling you when i when i first got here man i broke my leg this year so like i'm just getting used to like walking again yeah i remember when that happened that sucks it dude that is the most painful shit i have ever dealt with what part of your leg did you break? My fibula Is that the upper part?

The lower part? Down here over by your ankle What happened exactly? Oh that's the bone I said I broke To get out of that vacation with Ralph Same bone Sucks I was

You snapped your what? Your muscle or something? Oh yeah I tore this I don't want to I mean I don't want to do a whole one-up story of surgery. I ripped my distal tendon, this muscle, tore it off. I broke my leg, the same one. I didn't have all this tendon shit that you did.

Broke it. Immediately got better. Or got better. And then immediately broke this. I was out for like a whole year. Bowling. Yeah, trying to have fun. He went to a fun bowling event.

He's like, bowling's so fun. Oh, my fucking arm. I said, hey, everybody, check this out. I'm going to throw this ball so hard, I'm going to go back in time. And I did like a Fred Flintstone thing. Oh, no. Where was that, in Texas?

Dallas, yeah. Wait, what part of Dallas? The scummy, shitty part. The worst part was the bowling alley. I was born and raised there, man. Oh, you were? Yeah. Oh, man.

So I got, the real reason I'm pissed is because I got robbed out of going to a strip club after the bowling event. Oh, that fucking sucks. So you're talking about the two-story one where the one stripper fell off the pole from the second story, hit her face, and then immediately jumped up and kept twerking before they took her to the hospital? That's the one. That's the one. Yeah.

I think it's called like XTD or XTC or something like that. Yeah. It's a two-tiered strip club? Oh, yeah. The stripper pole literally goes up the full second story, so they will climb up. They climb the whole thing? They'll climb the whole thing and you'll have one that will make her body completely stiff and the other one will

stand on top of her while she's almost like a trapeze, like Cirque de Soleil shit, and they'll twerk up on the second story. Is that what an 80s girl is learning right now? What the fuck kind of a comment is that? What? That's my girlfriend. He's asking me if my girlfriend's learning how to fucking twerk. Not if she's learning how to twerk.

She's learning how to do that trapeze shit. What the fuck? Why are you thinking about my girlfriend when your friend's talking about a strip club? What the fuck's the matter with you? Well, cause it seems like now it's a fitness thing. It's like, you know, when this- What, did that sound like a fucking fitness thing the way he was describing it? It sounded like fitness and- Well, if you have to plank, I get- Hold on, hold on!

Okay, cause- Why the fuck would you bring that up? It's so inappropriate! Because pole dancing went from- It's not a pole! It's a fucking silks rig. There's no- That is a pole. That is a pole. The thing outside is a silks rig

that looks like a triangle. And you're telling me there's no way that could ever be erotic in any way? Not for you. I'm not saying it's for me. I'm just saying. Why are you even bringing it up? I'm saying that apparently

it's become an interesting trend for young women want to climb with silk straps. Is that young supposed to be sarcastic? No, you're interpreting it as sarcastic. And that's your fault. I'm being very nice. God. Oh, you have not changed.

You are showing off for your friend. You have not changed in 13 years. You are showing off for your fucking friend. I'm just saying. I'm not even It's not a negative thing It's climbing It's too positive

That's the problem with it It's too positive It's inappropriately positive Okay Look All I know is that Some women want to Do the trapeze thing

And he's saying They do it at this club And I said Oh that's interesting A strip club But that was The one is like a hobby and or a fitness thing, and the other one is

I'm going to get this bread, bitch. That's what that was. She was just like, I'm going to go ahead and climb all the way up here. I'm going to go ahead and plank. And you can make that distinction, and I'll accept it. What do you mean, I can make that distinction? It sounds like what I see in your back.

I've been in your backyard. She's got a 60 degree stripper pole out there. It's just a totally new look, I'm new to the world of silk climbing, okay? So I just go, oh, I've seen that. Dick has that. That's interesting. This guy is 30 pounds and he's

just Mr. Fucking No Asshole. Well, we'll see exactly how much. Of water. I was about to say, I'm proud of you, boy. Well, be careful. Don't be too proud. He'll start crying. Not yet?

Okay. If you're too proud of him. I think he knew me when I weighed far less than this, unfortunately. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Was it a shocker to see him at this weight? Were you like, holy shit! Nah.

Wow, some lesbian ate Vito! Oh, my God! Wow! Nah, you would think. I was always kind of big. You were always a big boy, but so was I. But that's the thing. I don't think I was shocked by it because I've gotten fatter. It fluctuates. You know what I'm saying? Thank you.

You were heavy at one point. That makes me feel like. Right now. Nah. You can't tell because I'm sitting the fuck down, but like. But it's not in the face. That's where you got to worry the most. What the fuck are you talking about? Look at his face. It looks like a lantern. You know what I'm saying?

Okay, well, here's the thing. Fat guys look at other guys who are like not... Like, I see really fat guys and I'm excited because I'm like, oh, that guy's more fat than me. That's great. Well, okay. I can agree with that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's actually a thing. So, like, when I did see you, I was like, okay, he's still bigger than me, so we... Yeah, exactly. He thought... He had that thought. But, Vito, my stretch marks got stretch marks now, bro. Okay, but I have fat blindness right now. Tic-tac-toe?

I guess you could, like, use it as a connect the dots. I don't know if you've done that since kindergarten or whatever the fuck, but All I know, here's the thing, as a fat guy, you can identify the super fats, but just the regular fats, you get fat blindness, and you go, nah, he looks good.

He looks normal. Fat culture is endlessly fascinating. I know. Speaking of which, fat watch pins are available now. What is that? Dickshow.com? Can I interest you in a fat watch pin? What the fuck is a fat watch pin? It's a recurring segment.

Can you get off the fucking pole and bring me a fat watch pin? Fat Watch cost me my YouTube channel. I have a little humble YouTube channel where I keep an eye out for how fat these broads are getting. Oh, my Lord. Oh, my Lord. Because the young men don't know what it used to be like. I'm watching old episodes of Price is Right and Baywatch, and I'm like, gentlemen, they all used to look like this. 90% of them used to look like this.

And now they're just humongous. I know. Jesus Christ. It's the seed oils. They installed new ramps at Walmart. Concrete ramps that you park in so you can just roll your fat ass

out of there permanently. What, for the vans to roll up? They have a... Anybody. Every parking spot just has a little ramp. So I started a segment where I could track, highlight how fat they're getting and track them. And we have a little fun with it.

You need a meteorology like green screen behind me. I'm gonna fucking do that. You should do that. Oh my god. You have to that. Oh, my God. You have to go, well, in fat news across the nation, and you have the thing behind you, and you go, I'll have a little clicker. Here's where her heel blows out. The numbers, instead of being the climate or whatever, like 100 degrees, it's like the

average weight in different parts of the country. So I lost my YouTube channel for that. Yeah, because that's bullying a marginalized group of individuals. Fatties like myself. So, congratulations. Wow. Wow. God damn. Well, you got another one now.

Yeah. Well, we're not going to have it very long. Ixnay on the anal jay. Here's the results from last week. is incredible this is the first time this has ever happened um the winner of last week's problems that we brought in and argued about for an hour the winner was intrusive thoughts won by one single vote i'll take the w baby how about that intrusive pretty good god damn um. God damn. That's a good problem, though. Everybody seemed to identify with that.

Yeah. Do you have intrusive thoughts, Winston? Yeah, you know, like going to the gym and whatnot, you be thinking. Like you in there, you see somebody walking by, you're like, ah, now I'm just picturing stuff. Oh, like a lady? Yeah. Okay. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Intrusive thoughts. Or like a lady yeah okay oh yeah you know yeah intrusive thoughts or like a cool tickler you don't actually acknowledge the thoughts you just let them kind of flow in and flow back out you know what i'm saying like we're a guy that's like doing weights like what am i just fucking okay i have to wait on his head i've seen that video before where the the one dude who's powerlifting like crazy, he was like, I need these 45. Just takes it. The dude falls the fuck over. I've certainly thought about that from time to time.

But you, that's, talking about lawsuits, that's a lawsuit waiting to happen. Yeah. You know? I had an intrusive thought when I was doing. I got sued for calling that guy a cuck. Oh, Maddox? Yeah. Was that your?

Well, writing a whole Christmas album. You, did you write the Christmas album? A stereo's dead. A stereo's dead. I'm just summarizing. I know nothing about this. Cut, cut, cut. Maddox is a cuck. A judge

in New York had to read those lyrics and go what the fuck are you talking about? This is all being re-litigated. Did he give you the whole spiel about how his former nemesis has finally put out a three hour documentary on why Dick Masterson is the worst individual

who ever lived. Has conveniently left out or subverted information in a way that you go, yeah, but didn't you cause all that by suing him for millions of dollars because he made fun of you on the internet? And being a cuck, that's how he caused it. Well, okay.

Chump syndrome, second, cool. Workump syndrome, second. Cool. Work holidays was negative, probably because it was a repeat. And American privilege was fucking good. Wait, wait, wait. Okay, I was mad that that got voted down, because if you vote down American privilege, that means you're saying America is bad.

No, it means that saying American privilege is not a problem. is bad. No, it means that saying American privilege is not a problem. Okay, but I'm saying the whole point is America is so great that you have to acknowledge how much luckier you are to be in America. Yeah, but you don't, because that's like another way of telling people, like, just shut up and eat the shit you're getting served. You don't have to completely accept all the things, but you can go, hey, it's pretty cool that we have, you know, semi-functioning health care. No, we don't have to completely accept all the things, but you can go, hey, it's pretty cool that we have semi-functioning healthcare.

No, we don't have that. We don't have to worry about it. Trust me. We do not have that. Well, a lot of countries have way worse. You're injecting yourself with boot Lego Zempik and you think we have functioning healthcare? My sister just sent me the new stuff. You using boot Zempik, motherfucker?

I was using boot Zempik, but it made me way too sick, and I have boot something else. I don't even know what it's called. Can you just genuinely go get diagnosed for ADHD like the rest of us and take Adderall so you don't need me more, man? Because that's what I'm doing. I'm taking Adderall. Huh? They're out of it.

They're out of it. That's actually the part that fucking sucks. I genuinely just got diagnosed, and I can't fucking get the shit to save my life. I got diagnosed with not enough Adderall. Wasn't that one of our problems? Well, our problem is that doctors won't give us pills in general. I got some slow acting thing

though. I forget what it's called. Slow acting legs. I got that as well. There's like a slow release Ritalin alternative. But yeah, it is often not in stock. Is it cocaine? What are you talking about?

I wish it was cocaine Anyway, so I won Intrusive thoughts and everybody's an idiot For voting down American privilege Which was a great problem for me Clint James says I'm shocked Vito took Kyle's Advice and clutched out a victory on his Weight loss. Okay, can I say one thing?

Everybody thinks PKA did this. I was going to do this before PKA. Okay, so they don't deserve any credit. No, don't give them credit. Okay. I knew I was going to. So we had a weight loss contest, and I had to lose 30 pounds in six months. Okay.

Which would be very easy and doable for a giant man like myself. No problem. There you go. And then we got down to the wire, and I'm like, I got to lose these last couple pounds I had to lose 13 pounds in a week That's what he had to do No no no it was 11 pounds in a week

So what did you lose If you lose I wasn't gonna lose anything there was no penalty Was there something you got There was $1200 on the line Contributed by the fans You could have had $1200 No I did get the $1200

Oh you did it. Oh, you did it. Yeah, and one week I just didn't eat, thanks to the Ozempic, and I went to a sauna and probably almost died. Disgusting, right? Winston. It's not healthy at all. Were you getting ready for your wedding?

Bro, for like two days. Once the Ozempic really kicks in, there was like two days where I'm like, wow, I mean, I know I should eat, but I guess I just don't have to or something. You just gotta be careful with that shit because you'll end up looking like a bobblehead. Yeah, I know. I'm gonna look... Dude, we watched that new season of So I Think You Should Leave, and like at least half the actors have that

fucking Ozempic face, man. Tim Heidecker looks like a cancer patient. To the point where I actually go... Now he matches his comedy. I don't know if he actually did do Ozempic or if he just has cancer Because he was fucking hollow cheeks Have you seen the new season? He looks completely different

He was like white His lips, he looked like a You know in Spongebob when they do a close up On a still image And it's like horrifying There's all this goo and pus and stuff Shut up Like when Spongebob dries up That's what he looked like coming in here image and it's horrifying. There's all this goo and pus and stuff. Shut up. You've been playing it up.

When SpongeBob dries up, that's what he looked like coming in here. God damn. With literally two boxes of tacos. There was not two boxes of tacos. It was one box of tacos. See? It was a Taco Bell Cravings box. So you took the $1,200

for losing $30 and then immediately spent it on Taco Bell $1,200. Well, I didn't have the $1,200 yet. For losing 30 pounds. And then immediately spent it on Taco Bell craving boxes. I brought the tacos in because I hadn't eaten for two days, so immediately after I weighed in, I was just pounding tacos. And burping

and farting and shit. It was disgusting. I don't know. Yeah, my body was rebelling against myself. And then he had a victory pastrami sandwich at midnight on the way home. I hadn't know. Yeah, my body was rebelling against myself. And then he had a victory pastrami sandwich at midnight on the way home. I hadn't eaten for like two days. Did you throw up then for the next six hours? That's a lot of fucking food to eat at one time. I had one Taco Bell box at what?

Seven o'clock. We'll see his stomach hadn't shrunk at all because he didn't diet at all. So it was fine. I did diet. I did diet. I have new... Look, again, 10 calories

in the Prime Energy drink. Big proponent of that. I got a bag of apples at home. Well, I told... I was on PK last night. I told them all to go fuck themselves for helping you lose that weight.

Yeah, what did they say to that? They were laughing because they thought I was joking because I was being so crazy about it, but I wasn't joking. Yeah, because if I had lost the weight loss challenge, that's the other thing. I think I brought this up on the bonus episode where people are saying, oh, Vito didn't actually make weight. Dick just let him lie so he'd get the money. I'm like, do you really think Dick would give up on the opportunity to ridicule me for years about the fact that I couldn't lose 30 pounds?

No, I didn't want you to win. Yeah, absolutely. No. You way wanted me to lose more than you would have wanted to have half of 1,200 bucks. I've known Dick for about 40 minutes. Yeah, and he's a fucking asshole. I guarantee you he did not help you cheat that shit. That was prime material.

He was rooting for me to fail. That's prime fucking material. He wanted me to lose. I have a nemesis. You don't get nemeses by helping your friends out. And I have video evidence of you weighing in, and I have a nemesis. You don't get nemeses by helping your friends out. And I have video evidence of you weighing in, and I have... I made you take a video because I knew the fans were going to do this. Yeah.

Come up with little conspiracy theories or whatever else. He came in and stripped his clothes off like it was nothing. Like it was a casting couch, and he's like, record it! Record it! I'm like, I don't think you want me to record it. He goes, just do it! Bro, you don't understand that I was like, I just want to eat. Weigh me in so I can eat something. I can't believe that.

I hadn't drank in water for like two days. That's how you cut weight is you have to not drink any fluids because most of your weight is fucking water. It's not weight loss. Or you could have not put it off until the last week. Yeah, I know. I could have lost weight the normal way, but obviously...

Or started a Zempix six months ago. Well, I'm a fucking idiot. He went off a Zempix so he could eat more during Thanksgiving. No, I went... Okay, well, yeah, kind of.

But also... That sounds like my friend that went off his SSRI so he could do Molly. That's... Yeah. I can't take the Ozempic anymore. It just makes me too sick.

I went off it because it was making me fucking sick like a dog. Point is, I made weight and everyone should celebrate me. Which is fair, bro. A lot of people have been. That's the problem with everybody just mass using that shit is that people are genuinely getting sick from that motherfucking shit. No, but they're coming out with new stuff, which my sister got me, so I'm going to try that. All right, man. Like new exercises. No, but they're coming out with new stuff, which my sister got me, so I'm going to try that. All right, man.

Like new exercises or? No, just new pills to cheat. Oh, okay. New random chemicals I mix up in a syringe and hope that I didn't accidentally get the dosage wrong and kill myself. Do you have a, do you have, when you imagine taking Ozempic, like injecting yourself, do you imagine like a sort of character that the Ozempic is? Like a Greek mythology or something like that? Do I imagine a character entering into me? Is that what you're saying? Yeah, do you imagine like a ghost or something?

No, I get terrified of the needle going in because I know I'm going to throw up for two days. So... Whatever character that is. It's not the Mountain Dew. Look, I'm not taking the Ozempic anymore. It's too much. Some people can handle it. I clearly can't. Okay.

Osbob says, I can't believe Vito made it. Thank you, Osbob. Destructionist says, I'm going to eat my way back up to 310 to spite everyone as he shovels Taco Bell down his throat. Turkey sandwiches. I literally threw my hands up and yelled, he did it! Like a soy boy watching his favorite Marvel movie. I'm very upset with how emotionally involved people were.

When you proposed a weight loss challenge, I was like, that'll be funny. I didn't realize the entire audience was going to turn it into this epic fucking mythological narrative. User Zuff says, Vito's weight loss victory is the best kind of victory because he won with the least amount of possible effort.

That's true. Thank you. Wall of Frio Grande says, Maddox only uses the dog argument because it appeals to the sensibilities of women. Yeah, Maddox says I... Maddox, my nemesis... He has a soundbite of you. He has a soundbite of me saying that I'm going to punish him like I'm going to beat a dog. But I'm talking about him, right?

I'm like, what are you... I'm talking about... What do you do if a dog misbehaves? You hit it, I believe is your quote. Yeah, but I'm talking about him. And also, you don't hit dogs. No. You have a dog.

I've had dogs my whole life. You're too nice to that dog, if anything. Yeah, she needs to lose some weight. She needs to lose some weight. How much did you spend on her eye surgery? A thousand bucks. And did you hit her afterwards? No.

To punish her for having an eye surgery. Every time the dog misbehaves, I hit my girlfriend. Yeah, hit your girlfriend. That's better. I don't think we're allowed to say that on YouTube. Don't hit women. The transcript of the lawsuit is hilarious. Even years later, it's surreal that it happened.

How did? Yes, it is. Phyllis of Fictions says, I was sympathizing with Maddox from his video until I saw my name was doxxed on his website. Screw that guy. Yeah, that was probably a mistake. I saw a comment from somebody who said, I wanted to like Maddox again. But yeah, then I saw again that he doxed me on his website.

He called me an SS member. Yeah. Nazi pedophile. He said a lot of things. What the fuck? Bipedal Ape says, Maddox, there's living in their heads. There's a lot of drama here. Rent free.

When we booked you a month ago, we did not know that this wasn't happening. This wasn't a thing. This is a new thing. The fuck, man? So unfortunately, there's a lot of surrounding drama. St. Paul says, my intrusive thoughts are that I've completely wasted my life and ruined it with drugs. And I've overdosed years ago. And that I've overdosed years ago.

And I'm living in this weird purgatory coma dream and I can't wake up until I fix my awful personality, which is never going to happen. Sometimes I get these flashbacks or panic attacks where I almost feel alive enough to know that I'm living in a dream. And as long as I can hold it together until it passes,

I can continue to struggle to not relapse. Well, I have one message for you. You're trapped. You're trapped here with us forever. You've fallen asleep and you'll never wake up. Yeah. They say if you're in a dream, you gotta try and turn off a light switch, right? I thought it was you just have

to try and jump off a building or That's part of it, yeah. You ever see that movie Waking Life? No. It's like if you want to test if you're in a dream, try to turn off the lights because your brain can't process it for some reason. Do you guys not know that you're in dreams dream, try to turn off the lights, because, like, your brain can't process it for some reason. Do you guys not know that you're in dreams when you're dreaming? I almost always know.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't, I never, like, I've only had one dream that was so fucking realistic that I didn't know what the fuck was going on, and I was just- There's, like, plausible deniability in the dream, though, where I go, well, maybe it's not a dream. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

I won't say what my dreams are because they're horribly depressing. I always know it's a dream because I just start trying to think about Brittany Venny naked. I'm like, oh, yes, it's a dream! Oh, damn it! And I wake up before I can do it. Yeah, you ever have those dreams where it's like just having a real good, sexy time? No. But you're like, oh, man, but I can't, for some reason I can't come.

You know, the reason you can't come is because it's a dream, right? Isn't that a wet dream? I've never had a wet dream, though. Ever? I don't think so. I think that's a big pharma conspiracy. What, wet dreams? Yeah.

Well, I was a kid, but as soon as I learned what that was. Did you have wet dreams as a kid? I had one, but as soon as I learned what masturbation was, that stopped immediately. You know what? That's why I don't have wet dreams is that I don't go to bed with the swollen testicles. I'm empty by the time I make it to bed. Every time? I didn't even know that.

I think so, yeah. I didn't even know that. How often do you jerk off? Every couple of minutes. Yeah, well, there you go. I've been jerking off this entire time. At least once a day. All right.

That's the end of that segment. You're the winner, Vito. Do you want to go first? I am the winner. And I have a problem that I already know is going to be contentious. Okay. Uh-oh. Let me give a little back story here.

Talking about one of my favorite... Well, actually, if I say this, people will hate this guy. But YouTuber Shane Dawson, are you aware of this individual? No, not really. Something with a cat? Is it another one of your cat rape buddies? It's not a cat... I don't have any cat rape buddies.

So much deep lore. Earlier this week, Shane Dawson and his husband, Ryland Adams, announced on Instagram the birth of their sons, twin sons, saying in a post that their birthday, December 7th, was the best day of our entire lives. Nothing else will ever compare. But instead of receiving public celebration, as these men deserve, frankly, Oh, really? Dawson and Adams faced a backlash.

Dawson and Adams faced a backlash. Their birth announcement quickly became fodder for anti-gay pundits and anti-surrogacy advocates. All, of course, fomented by right-wing influencers who have a history of mocking LGBT people. Well, it's not just that, though. It's this entire negativity towards what I think is the greatest invention in maybe modern history. Surrogates. It's surrogacy for everybody. That's what we need. You think that's fine for a guy like you to be just super into surrogacy?

I didn't say I'm super into it, but it's clearly a step in the right direction. We should embrace this. Right direction of what? A right direction of allowing people who want to have a child. Men? To have men or women. Women take advantage of surrogates. And I have stats.

Don't do that. You mean they put their fetus in the mother woman? Yes, because they don't want to deal with doing it themselves. Yeah. Which makes sense to me. It's like, yeah, that sounds awful. Why not pay? And then a lady who's disadvantaged.

Why would I want to ruin my body? Some of them. Some of them, yeah. Why would they? Shit, that recovery, man. If you got real money, like, why not? And then a lady who's maybe disadvantaged. Oh, thank you.

She gets to rent out her womb. She gets some money. Doesn't that kind of sound like prostitution? What's worse than that? What the fuck? No, it is, though. I mean, look. If you're so poor, do you really have a choice to not be a surrogate?

That's the same thing they say about sex work. These women are forced into it. They shouldn't be allowed to sell their bodies. And I, of course, say, your body, your choice. Why not? If I had the ability to carry a baby inside me and somebody wanted to offer me $50,000

to do so... Oh, you're shooting high. Maybe. Well, I probably wouldn't get $50,000. Maybe $70. How many babies we could fit in this bad boy over here? I could fit a lot of babies in here. Are you bookmaxing for your surrogacy? If I could... If they could implant a uterus into me.

They can. I think the womb is the most dangerous part. The most hostile environment for a penis. They can't actually transplant a uterus into a man, right? I saw a documentary on it with Arnold Schwarzenegger. But the male body doesn't produce the stuff a baby needs. You'd have to have all sorts of weird fucking tubes and shit. with Arnold Schwarzenegger. But the male body doesn't produce the stuff a baby needs. You'd have to have all sorts of weird fucking tubes and shit.

What you're saying right now is very transphobic. Is this transphobic? I was going to say, is this transphobic? So what, you're like super hype on surrogacy? That's your thing today? I'm very hype on surrogacy, and I see all this anger from different personalities. The quartering is very mad. That's psychopath.

Seems like he just hates gay people. Well, he does just hate gay people. That's a big part of it. That's the other weird thing is that they're all freaking out because it's like as part of the surrogate process. They're like, well, we did in vitro fertilization where we created 10 embryos, and then you discover which embryo is the most viable. Abort those

other motherfuckers. It's not an abortion. They're embryos. They're not babies. What do you think an abortion is? More embryos and not babies, bro. Jesus Christ. You don't open up a whole... This is what he does. Damn. Wait a minute. I ain't seen your ass

in five years. You involved me in a fucking nemesis lawsuit. You say some transphobic shit, some fat shit. I didn't say anything transphobic. I ain't pro-trans. I want everyone to get a uterus. God damn. That's pro-trans.

That's helpful. Holy shit. That's pro-trans. I want men to get all the uteruses they can get. Bitch, I beat you in Super Smash Brothers for five years straight, and this is what the fuck you do to me. I hate Smash Brothers. Yeah, because you're this is what the fuck you do to me. I hate Smash Brothers. Yeah, because you're trash at it.

Fuck. This is good. This is a progressive problem because we're celebrating. It is. It's pro-gay. This is a pro-gay thing. You can't complain about that. It's too progressive, though.

It's not too progressive because this is what we need. Look, for the long- What do you mean we? Who the fuck now? Your we is coming back to get you. I know. Okay, look. Everybody's way too precious about babies.

At the end of the day, anybody can make a baby. It's not a big deal. Okay. Well, clearly they can't. That's the issue. Well, yeah, but now we have ways to make more of them if we want to. We had this way for a long time. Now you're just buying and selling them.

Yeah, which is cool, and we should do more of it. Guys, the commercial surrogacy industry is experiencing a global boom. Expected to reach 100. Oh, wow 100 ever since the war in Ukraine happened. He devastated it. I have some stats on that as well. Can you believe that he brought this problem in for you? Every time we have a guest, he brings on this fucking gigantic mouthful problem. What?

This is a good... Okay, first of all, this is topical because it's happening right now to Shane Dawson. They did an SNL sketch about this. It actually was fucking hilarious. I don't know if y'all were watching. I do drugs. That's totally fine. Who was on there?

Who's left on SNL? Adam Driver. Was Kenan Thompson pregnant? Adam Driver with Bowie Yang. You had a straight couple be like, oh, we're trying to have baby number two. Oh, that's so cute. And then the two of them were like, we're also trying. Like, you got a surrogate. It's like, no, no, no, we're trying.

Two guys? Yeah. And they're like, you mean so you're just having sex? It's like, no, we're trying. What are you... Yeah, we're trying. We're going to make a lot of attempts. What if a frat has a surrogate baby? Would that be cool? What if all the frats had like a... That sounds like the worst idea on the face of the planet.

Animal house mixed with three men and a baby. That's how Homelander became a thing. That's, what do you call it? You know, they have the hazing. They have like the ooky cookie. It'll be instead you take the cookie and you send it to a lab. And then the baby is... One of the pledges babies, you don't know which one.

That's twins. It's twins? That's what happened to twins. They all ejaculate on a cookie, and then they make a random baby? Pretty much, yeah. That was with Danny DeVito and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Now, that was like a sperm bank type scenario, right? No.

How did twins work? They blended up all the scientist jizz and made a super jizz and knocked up the model. Wait, so they combined their scientist jizz? Yeah. So whereizz and knocked up the model wait so they combined their scientist jizz yeah so where did danny devito come from the ass they accidentally shot some super jizz up i feel you're incorrectly paraphrasing the plot of the movie twins what never seen it so that'd be a good movie though twins three this is a global boom expected to reach $129 billion by 2032, which is exponentially higher than the current value of $14 billion. Wow, I should invest in this somehow.

Don't you think separating kids from their genetic parent is bad, though? But that's the thing. If they're a surrogate and you're implanting your own, they're technically also your genetic parent. Yeah, you got- But not the mom. That's like a separated- It can be the mom, but if it's-

But that's also where the donation part of it comes in. You know what I'm saying? Like if you're having this- Two gay guys, I mean. No, no, I understand that. So somebody donated that egg. You know what I'm saying? So whether it's the surrogate that's carrying it or somebody else, the egg came from somewhere.

Look, it's gone though. The mom is out of the picture. But would you rather not have your mom or would you rather exist in the void? I would rather not exist. Shut up. That's what everyone wants. That's stupid. Okay.

Sorry. I think it's one of those classic scenarios where it's like, you know, no matter your lot in life, at least you are living. That's better than, you know, if you're missing a mother. You got two cool, rich, gay dads. That's better than, you know, if you're missing a mother. You got two cool rich gay dads. That's awesome. Yeah. I would rather have two cool rich gay dads. So like a mom takes a kid away

from the dad in divorce court? That's like is that fine? Because it's just like whatever. You're just complicating this scenario unnecessarily. What are you doing? Not to mention this is not just for gay guys, okay? It is led by growing infertility cases. So, you know, if you're experiencing infertility, maybe, I don't know exactly how that works.

You don't have a right to have kids, though. No, you don't have a right to have kids. So why are we making these? You don't have a right to eat a ham sandwich, either. Like, what are you even arguing here? Well, the ham sandwich doesn't, like, grow up and cause all kinds of problems. Or cause solutions. A kid could grow up and be great.

Maybe we're going to make the next, I don't know, super cool guy. Maybe you'll end up making the kid that solves infertility so that everybody can just have babies. There you go. Now there won't even be a problem. So you're very pro-life, you're saying. Growing infertility, more same-sex couples having children, and heightened awareness about reproductive options thanks to celebrity endorsements and an increasing number of fertility clinics. You should let everybody know that you like this and that this is a part of your politics before the election. I'm going to do it.

I'm going to just make a kid. I'm going to find a lady. I'm going to buy her eggs. I'm going to make a kid. Everyone's going to be mad about it, and that'll be funny. Yeah. I'm going to make one of these TikTok kids like Ryan's World, and I'm going to make them unbox toys and make me a millionaire.

Before, women were the gatekeepers of when you could have kids, and they didn't do a very good job of it. Don't get me wrong. Shouldn't we take that power away from them? Shouldn't the men be allowed to decide? I just want to make a kid. I'm going to go to the kids making one. No, because the men want to come.

The men, what do you mean? They just want a nut. just want to make a kid. I'm going to go to the kids' neighborhood. No, because the men want to come. The men? What do you mean? They just want a nut. No, they want a kid. They want to raise a little thing of themselves, you know? I don't buy it. You ever meet, like, a guy and he gets a dog? Yeah.

Wouldn't it be cooler if you could get a kid? You know? Okay. As I was going to say, Ukraine was the world's second largest surrogacy market behind the U.S. Oh, you weren't kidding. Something has... I thought you just... Oh, you're bringing this in as a positive.

I literally thought you just brought the war in Ukraine up just as like a side... No, we were renting out a lot of Ukrainian wombs, and sadly, the evil Russians have taken that away from us. Do you have any funny stats in there? So is this some sort of long game from Russia to stop more Americans? That's true. There you go. See, they're trying to stop us from making babies. That's why they went after Ukraine.

Yeah. Because they're afraid of us propagating all our rich celebrities getting in there and making as many kids as they want. All right. I just don't know why people are so... Why are people objecting to this? Mostly homophobia. Yeah.

There's a lot of homophobia. Yeah. That's a big part of it, but obviously heterosexual couples are doing it. Do you think when people have a kid that they know what they're getting into? No. No. It's a new adventure. You don't think people have a problem with looking at kids like exit liquidity?

Like, oh, this will be a fun thing for me to do? I think it is stupid to pretend that kids have always been like this magical fucking wonderful sunshine thing. You used to make kids because you needed enough farmhands to make it through harvest, okay? That was it. What are they harvesting?

They were harvesting the wheat and harvesting the corn. What are they harvesting now, I mean? Well, now it's- They're harvesting lights, right? Well, yeah. Now you make a kid, so you have something to put on TikTok. Get that sweet social media lucre, okay? And I got no problem with that.

That's the modern economy. Is slavery? Ryan's World has his own video game. I just- And all that kid does- I was just connecting the dots. I'm glad you said it. And you said, people make babies, and a lot lot of babies to put them on a farm to harvest things.

Slavery. Okay. Got it. It was a form of slavery in a way. Why are you so amped about surrogacy, though? Why do you like it so much? It's not that I like it so much. It's just that I think the objections to it are stupid.

It's like, what? Everybody, why is it so much better? Okay, let's put it this way. Would it be better if a gay guy should just go find a lady, trick her into thinking he's heterosexual, put a baby inside her? Nah, nah, nah. Is that better? No.

That's the traditional way of if a gay guy wants to get a baby is to trick a lady. At least he's got to get hard. Now the lady gets money, which is way better than being tricked by a gay guy into believing that she's found true love. And if the big problem is they want to keep the mother in the kid's life, look, I'm sure there's ways to accomplish that. Also, does it have to be your biological mother? There could be a strong female presence in the kid's life regardless. Well, I'm not saying that's good either. I don't want to be misinterpreted.

Well, that's the problem is you're all over the place on this. Well, yeah, I think I'm just not generally, like, as pro-life as everybody else is. Yeah, but it's like, it's just like, I think people, look, I'm all about freedom. I think you're all about freedom. People should be allowed to make

a choice, you know, of what they want to do with their juice and who they want to put their juice inside and how much they're going to pay to fill the lady with their juice. Okay. And that's it. Let's go make a baby. I think we should. Let's go to Ukraine and find the ugliest one they got.

Why are we picking the ugly one? Send your ugliest surrogate out that you got. Because that's hustle maxing. I want this kid to know how to hustle. We should each make a surrogate kid and then we can each raise them and they can have like little competitions on the show. I'm going to let mine out in the wild. Let the world raise you.

The show would grow. If we each had a surrogate kid, this show would be. I'm going to send mine around to the stratosphere. Andrew Tate, Alex Jones, like Samurai Jack. Do you have any interest in making a child at some point At some point But I'm broke motherfucker Well that's

Yeah I mean that's kind of the problem That's not That's That to me is the only thing Is like this sounds like Rich people problems It is I don't know if it's

I don't know if it's the biggest problem In the universe It's the biggest problem That rich people have Yeah but remember Gay or straight It doesn't matter That is

You gotta have bread to do that shit Okay Unless you can convince someone To be like look You can you can stay in my apartment if you want to. Just get her drunk, right? But that's why we have to scale the industry. Remember when only rich guys had flat screen TVs? Now everyone's got one. Why do you want a kid so much?

Because it's cool. It's fun. All right? You got a little you. Why do people get pets? It's like you got someone around. Okay? You got a little you. Why do people get pets? It's like you got someone around. Okay? You know?

You feel superior to and it's in your tracks. Are you not afraid of ruining that child? Because you know every parent has ruined every child. Even if you had a perfect childhood. How are you feeling? Every day, how do you feel in your mind? Well, you're saying I'm not the most... How do you feel in your mind every day?

I'm not great. I'm not great. So then why would you you want why would you want to continue that? Why would you want to commit someone else to that? I think that I would be a great. I think I would raise a great kid. I'd raise a fun kid. I Respect not wasting your drink. I respect that that was that I realized what that was it was like in your drink. I respect that. I realized what that was, and it was like It's also one of those things where like... You gotta find a woman who thinks that too, though. I think

also I always think of the thing where it's like I'm first generation uh, what do you call it? So all these like, all these uh No, no, no, okay so like a good example is Bryan Cranston, right? Like his dad was like an actor who never really made it, right? Okay.

But then he has all these skills and information he can pass on to Bryan Cranston, and that guy nails it, right? So you're first generation like YouTuber? Yeah, I'm like first generation or whatever. Man, don't make your kid be a fucking YouTuber. Not a YouTuber, but just like an entertainer and a comedian is that I can, you know, I'm the first step towards that, and then I pass on all this information. You're like the Tiger Woods. Exactly, yeah. It's on all this information. You're like the Tiger Woods.

Exactly, yeah. It's a Tiger Woods situation. You're Del Curry. Yeah, trying to make a step. Yes. So you made it to the league, but you're going to go make the greatest shooter ever is what you're saying. Exactly. All right.

All the top people, if you look at their parents, like 90% of the time, their parents were doing the same thing they did, just shittier. Okay? And then, you know, they iterate. Yeah, my dad's a horrible alcoholic. He never drinks. Weren't Billie Eilish's parents like something? And Taylor Swift's dad was like a country guy?

Her mom also had big tits. Yeah, you're right. It's all nepotism all the way down. But what do you call it? Please save us. Sure. What was my problem? My problem is anti-surrogacy doofuses, whatever you want to call it uh wait so please save us this is i i sure well my problem my problem is uh anti-surrogacy

doofuses yeah whatever you want to call it yeah fuck them yeah thank you let people live let people live that's the thing that's the bottom line let people let people spend half a million dollars a quarter of a million dollars and go to the submarine and blow up that's fine wasn't that awesome i was just like people wanted me to feel bad, and sure, people died, so there's that part, but I'm like, motherfucker,

you spent half a million dollars to go see some shit you could have easily just put on a goddamn computer screen and you would have been fine. They had to watch it on a computer screen anyway. Exactly.

You weren't even out there seeing the shit. You were watching the shit on the screen. You could have watched the shit upstairs. You could have programmed just a VR Titanic

and it probably would have been cooler anyway. Thank God you don't have Elon Musk's money. You could have watched this shit upstairs. You could have programmed just a VR Titanic and it probably would have been cooler anyway. Thank God you don't have Elon Musk's money. You'd be out here realizing that these dreams... If I had money, some crazy things would be happening. What was I going to say? Something. Please don't. Winston, don't take it away.

My problem. I think my greatest problem in the universe, the greatest problem is Stan's. Stan culture. Stan. So for those problem i think my greatest problem in the universe the greatest problem is uh is stance stan culture stan so for those that aren't familiar uh eminem had a song uh on the marshall mathers lp that that charted all that he he ended up doing the song at the grammys with elton john but it was about a fan who was writing into eminem and was obsessed with him and just was like essentially had this pseudo relationship in his mind with Eminem the entire time when in actuality,

none of that shit was true. Parasocial relationship. Exactly, a parasocial relationship. A little bit more sick than that, though. It's an obsession. It's a full obsession, and then you end up in a situation where that person ends up going to extremes, ends up like, you know, M talks about in his music about hitting his ex-wife Kim.

So he's talking about how he hits his girlfriend, that he ends up killing himself and the girlfriend. M eventually writes back, and he's just like, hey, man, like, chill out. It's not that serious. Like, you seem like you need help, et cetera. And then, you know, he realizes the dude is dead. But by that point, he makes himself look so good in that song, though, don't you think? He does.

Give me a break. He does. Come on. He does. Fuck you. You're not good. So to that point, the term Stan, which is now applied to a lot of different stuff. So you could talk about Swifties, the Barbs, Beehive.

What are the Barbs? Nicki Minaj. Nicki Minaj is good. The BTS Army. BTS, I know. What's BTS is the BTS Army. BTS I know. What's BTS? It's the Koreans. The Korean...

Pretty Korean Boys. K-pop. Yeah, yeah, yeah. K-pop. You and your crazy son just call them Pretty Korean Boys too? Yeah, maybe I'll make a Korean son. Why not? But it's not...

How much is the Korean circuit? I don't know. But it's not just music. It's politics shit. So the whole MAGA shit. Somebody that's like always vote blue. It doesn't fucking matter if you are so- Wait, wait, wait.

MAGA? You mean Ron DeSantis or something like that? No, like people that no matter what Trump says, they own Trump's dick. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I hate guys like that. It's literally this idea that- How many Trump NFTs do you guys have?

Do you have Trump NFTs? What do you mean? I have zero. Zero? I have zero. But they're available all the time. Yeah, I know. He has new ones. For one cent. If you get enough of the new ones, you can get a piece of the suit that he was arrested in. Wouldn't there be one of him dressed like Superman and shit?

Yeah. If Superman had diabetes? I tried to buy that one, but I missed it. Do you own any Trump NFTs? Come on. I don't want to get into my crypto holdings on the show like this. IRS could be listening. I know you have $40,000 of Maddox's crypto dollars, so I guess you can spend that on NFTs. You know what's really funny is that he thinks that I owe him all that money.

Yeah. It's just sitting there eating away at him. Well, what are you going to do? Anyway, we've interrupted. You also mentioned the Snyder cult, which are people I've dealt with. Restore the Snyderverse, all that shit. It's this idea that you are so obsessive with something, with a person, with a property, a celebrity, that you don't think like a normal human. And there was actually a great fucking show on Amazon done by Donald Glover called Swarm that actually covers a woman that doesn't have her mental health straight and she's obsessed with this Beyonce in the show to the point that she starts killing people because she loses her fucking mind.

And I think what activated how much Stan shit bothers me, Disney adults piss me off too because it's the same issue. Yeah, now you're talking. It is – with this whole Taylor Swift stuff, I'm fine with everybody loving Taylor Swift. That's cool. But I actually had a friend that was like, oh, my God, you know, the Chiefs are playing the Chargers, so I'm going to pay like $500 to get a ticket just to see if I could see her across the fucking stadium. That's insane. For Taylor Swift?

Because she was going to be at the game? Not to see her perform. Not to watch the game. To see her at the game? Not to watch the game. Not to see her perform. Just to watch the game. To see her at the game? Not to watch the game. Not to see her perform. Just to be in the same building as Taylor Swift. You're doing kind of a gay voice for your friend, too.

Is it a woman? It is a woman. It is a woman. Okay, okay, okay. But, like, it's that. That's crazy even for women. And so it's at that point. That probably means a guy had to buy those tickets, too.

Probably. But all I was going to say is it's from this standpoint of like, I don't give a fuck if you love something. You should love things. We need that positivity in our life to keep going. But when it gets to the point where like you're throwing your entire life savings behind something and it's not something that's actually improving your life, it's just allowing you to numb your shit out for a little bit,

that's not fucking normal and that's not cool. That's a huge fucking problem. This also seems like a very modern problem where we have... You had the Beatles, you had Michael Jackson, but it is only escalated now. All those chicks were like,

they stopped performing because they couldn't even hear themselves. People would faint for Elvis, Michael, and the Beatles just saying their name. And then that was... Yeah, but women scream about anything. Like Jesus. They're like, oh my God, he cured my fucking leprosy. Because it was fun, you know.

They were all getting in on it. It was like mass hypnosis. You know, one lady started screaming in the bathroom. We're like, I might as well. Yeah. But I think people nowadays develop these obsessions because... Because they don't have enough kids from a factory. Oh, my God.

Well, honestly, that's not completely wrong. It's that people feel detached from traditional family and friend groups, and they latch on to... Do you have stans? Are you famous enough to have stans? Not really. My mama, I guess. That's about it, you know?

Oh, your mom is a stan of you? She made me, so I would assume so. She likes you? I don't assume that my mom's not uh-oh my mom uh follows me on twitter and she goes a lot of people don't like you huh i'm like yeah well what are you gonna do uh shit what was i gonna say yeah this modern stan culture again like you watch a fat guy on a podcast losing weight and you get all emotionally involved in and you're cheering him on like a weirdo. Like that guy said. You have such a weird relationship with fans being engaged in your story, in your life.

Do you feel guilty at being responsible for their happiness? I feel guilty because I go, guys, I'm like not, I'm a scumbag. Like, what do you want? But that's why they're engaged because you're like the bare, you they're engaged. Because you're like the lowest possible redeemable person. Well, I guess that's more of the problem is that it's not done out of, wow, what an admiral individual that I want to be friends with. It's like, wow, Vito's a fuck-up. I hope he figures things out.

It's like a pity standing. Like me, they expect me to win with Maddox. Sure, yeah. Have to win. Gotta win. I'm going to come out. I got secret plans. I'm going to come out swinging win. I'm gonna come out. I got secret plans. I'm gonna come out swinging hard. I'm gonna

go lower than you got lows and higher than you got highs. That's what they expect. You, they expect you to not drink water for three days. I will admit, though, at a younger age, I would have, like, these

obsessive parasocial relationships with online people. Like whom? Most specifically, there was this guy, Tim Rogers, who I've talked about on the show. The video game guy? The video game guy. And in high school, I would read his live journal. And he's a very good writer. And I felt this deep, intimate connection to him where I'm like I just like

this guy so much I want to be his friend and then the weird thing is I manifested it into real life and I like ended up moving to LA and becoming friends with him which is like yeah really bad I get that the point is to cut my argument but you do understand this actually is a problem no like in hindsight I go wow that was like, weird, horrific stalkery thing I did. You know? I can say it came from a genuine place where I was like, I really. Are you guys actually friends? You always name drop him, but I've never, like, heard him call you or anything like that.

Well, he moved to New York and. And you guys lost touch? I talked to him, like, a couple months ago, but he's just kind of like a weird guy who it's hard to get on the phone. He is fucking weird. Go to his fucking channel. He has like an eight hour review of Tokamiki Memorial, a dating sim from 1995. But no, we used to hang out like every two or three times a week when I was living in

Oakland. No shit. Yeah. So I got very deeply, I did stand. So we are a stalker show. I am a stalker. Yeah, I stalked Tim Rogers pretty efficiently. Okay.

But more in a way that I was just like, I really admire what this guy does and I want to be a part of it. I also stalked Dan Harmon until I actually met him and I went, oh, this guy doesn't like me at all. Never mind. Okay. I'm going to stop stalking Dan Harmon now. Did you ever stalk anybody in this way, Winston? No, not that. I had a weird situation where a girl was stalking me

and trying to break me up with my girlfriend, and that was fucking weird. That could be a pain in the ass. It's a lot. How was she trying to break you up? Like telling my girlfriend, like I'm in an interracial relationship, and she was like telling people that my girlfriend was doing racist shit to her. Can we guess the race? Can we get an interracial?

His girlfriend's race is? Yeah. The white girl? Asian. She's white. But this girl was a black girl, and she was telling other black folk that we collectively make. That your white girlfriend was like. That she was like, oh and she was telling other black folk that she was like, oh, she came over and touched my hair and was like, oh, this is nice.

Like making shit up to the point where I had family members be like, why are you with this white girl? Why are you with this white girl? She's touching hair. She's not touching fucking hair. She's obviously making that up. It just...

Touching hair really is the ultimate white person faux pas, isn't it? But I'll tell you, so for not really having stands except that one weird fucking time, it's not, that shit is weird. That shit is weird. And I get it. Because like part of what that shit was too, she even told somebody before she met me, she saw a photo of me, she goes, oh yeah, I could be in your family.

Like said that to my cousin, like about me. And I'm like, I, you don photo of me. She goes, oh, yeah, I could be in your family. Like, said that to my cousin, like, about me. And I'm like, you don't know me. You've never even heard me speak, and you're already doing this. So that's what I'm saying is that, like, people can love Taylor and can love Beyonce and can love whatever the fuck you love. But when you get to a point, if they've emotionally touched you in that way that you now are misconstruing some of that and you 30 000 people show up to taylor swift's best friend's wedding and almost ruin the fucking wedding that's not cool yeah that's fucked up well also people don't you know they see the idealized version of someone you go yeah but taylor swift goes home and takes a shit and

probably you know i'm just saying she's not always singing they don want to see that? She's not always making art or whatever. Well, yeah, some guys would probably love that. Taylor Swift could shit on the big screen. Now, Dick, you're obviously, you're very intimately familiar with this because you stalked a man named Maddox for 10 years and stole his identity. Yeah, I have his head over there. There, right there, behind my signed Trump hat, Winston, winston that i got from trump oh shit okay well i'm gonna see myself out

don't worry he's one of the good ones is what i tell myself so wait a minute i know he's white presenting but you say he mexican you just said he wanted a good one we have a problem with that phrase. Okay. Hispanics accept that. Okay. Okay. He's one of the great ones.

Make Hispanics great again. It is a good problem, though. Stands? Stands. But I mean, we have a Patreon, so if you're a stan of the show, go give us like a hundred bucks, a thousand bucks, whatever. Yeah, but we're idiots because our max tier is what? Ten bucks?

You can put your own in. But nobody does that. Sometimes I do. We got to be like Eric July and have a hundred dollar tier where you get 30% off the two t-shirts in our... Oh God, you're a fucking sicko. There's a gentleman named Eric July who we've been feuding with and his Patreon has a hundred dollar tier which gets you 30% off his t-shirts.

It's his Mac club. A hundred dollars a month. A hundred dollars a month to get 30% off his t-shirts. It's his Mac club. $100 a month. $100 a month to get $30 off a t-shirt. And he calls you a Mac. That's what they charge for Savage Fenty by Rihanna. What the fuck? I don't know what that is. It's too much money.

It's lingerie. Oh. Like celebrity lingerie. Is this person a celebrity? I guess. He's an influencer. No, he's interacting with me, so no. No. Celebrity lingerie. Is this person a celebrity? I guess. He's an influencer, right? No, he's interacting with me, so no. No.

If you're interacting with me, you're not a celebrity. He's making a comic book. Oh, Chris Hansen fucking. Maybe that's wrong. Wait, Chris Hansen? That was the fall of Chris Hansen. You were a stan of Chris Hansen? Yeah, I interviewed Onision.

I did acid on accident. On accident? And then interviewed this guy Onision Who's like a super creep That Chris Hansen was trying to get Chris Hansen went to his house and like fucked around Yeah and I got the interview and Chris Hansen didn't So I was making fun of him on Twitter

So Chris Hansen took a picture of his Emmy And sent it to me as a response On Twitter Which I guess means he's not a celebrity anymore I remember that yeah Anytime someone stoops to fighting with you on Twitter They which I guess means he's not a celebrity anymore. I remember that. Anytime someone stoops to fighting with you on Twitter, they're no longer an official celebrity.

I think that's fair. Okay, Stan Culture. One time James Gunn yelled at me on Twitter. What did you say? I told him you fell off. Bro, he'll stick Superman after your ass. But James Gunn fights with everybody, so that doesn't count.

What did he say? He was like, I don't know. He was like something stupid. He was like, fuck you, you piece of shit or whatever. All right. My problem is tight booths. Tight booths. Booths.

Booths. Like when you go to a, me and Vito went to a Mexican restaurant. Oh, and like the table like this close to you. Yeah, that shit sucks. I sure like. Yeah, no. And that's the one problem about me gaining weight over as the older I get bro. That shit is awful You can't get in. No How did this happen? Yeah, how did they design the booth to be so narrow? Where's OSHA on this one? I mean, I'm glad that I was on the other side because I was on your side

I would probably been compressed to death you could see that I'm glad that I was on the other side, because if I was on your side, I would have probably been compressed to death. You can see that I'm struggling over there. You're not lifting a finger to help. I'm the fat guy. What am I going to do? Gay baby surrogacies. You're eating like, I'm drinking albondigas soup. Here's your actual problem, though, is the booths that are locked into the wall, so you can't even move anything or shift anything. The problem is the tightness.

The tightness of the booth, getting around, even like now, everyone's so much fatter, you know. Shut up. Why'd you point at him? Because my bit earlier about Fat Watch. Oh, I thought he was pointing at me because I kept saying I'm getting fatter. Yeah, that's what I thought

as well. Whatever. I said it! If you need to point at a fat person, don't point at the guest. Point at me, okay? That's common decorum. Then they feel like they're in a making fun of you thing. It's not as funny. That's true. You're squeezing around, and it's too tight.

Everything's just too tight now. Tight booths. Well, here's the problem. Especially in L.A., we have a lot of legacy restaurants. I think that restaurant we went to has probably been there for what? For a long time. A lot of them, that's the problem. You got all these old diners.

That restaurant's brand new. That's brand new? Brand new, a year old. Well, then that was stupid. No, that's poor. That's poor design. They just packed it in like... That's poor design.

Well, because they what? I don't want to say it, but it's Mexican tile. They just always pull this shit. You're allowed to say it. You know Hispanic culture. Well, you crammed it in. Good job, guys. You crammed this booth in.

It makes no sense. The table's this high. The table's rubbing my nipples. Well, because they're not hiring a professional contractor. They're hiring Jose from down the block, right? There are no professional contractors. Well, I'm just saying, they're all eyeballing it. They're eyeballing it.

That whole place was eyeballed. Yeah. Nothing was even in that place. But there are a lot of these old diners in L.A. that I go to, and I go, yeah, this thing was obviously designed in the 50s. What the fuck is this? Oh, God. I'm packed in there.

Yeah. Right? Two people in an entire booth. Cutting in like this. The waitresses should know, though. They should know and direct you to the proper booth. Should have some kind of a weight limit. Like, no, no, no.

Each seat should say how many pounds you should be before you sit in that booth. Yeah. I don't want to plus size it, but this is not, this is no way to sit and enjoy a meal that I paid for. If anything, that would make the meal uncomfortable because now your shit's being kind of packed in. Yeah. Yeah.

It's just my esophagus is full of enchiladas and that's it. Yeah. Can't get down anymore. Why don't they just shave the table down? Yeah. Just have us eat in our lap. Take a band, sir. Yeah.

Just cut off an inch of table. All right, that's my problem. Tight boobs. Tight boobs. Not as good as the need for more gay babies, but pretty good. And, of course, Winston's problem was? Stand culture. Stand culture.

Which is clearly the only real problem. What's the problem? People can do this. No, but the problem is that people are negative towards it and they're trying to shut it down. They can suck a dick. Yeah, exactly. There you go. Which they don't want to do. You can't shut it down though. Well, it's a big old industry

making lots of money from rich people so no, you can't shut it down. Yeah, okay. Winston, do you want to stick around for the voicemails or the super chats or anything like that? We're going to listen to some voicemails. Fuck it. If you got somewhere to be,

we understand. I'm chilling for right now. Okay. Yeah, no problem. If you got to exit. But before we get into that, Winston, real quick, tell everybody

where they can find you. Yeah, you can find me at the Swaggy Blurred on all the platforms, man, over here on YouTube. Is this on YouTube? Where y'all put this? We're on YouTube.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So here on YouTube. Do you have a channel URL? Yeah, just the Swaggy Blurd. The Swaggy Blurd. Blurd. B-L-E-R-D. Yep.

So you can go over there. That stands for Black Nerd, right? Yes, it does. I figured that out myself. That is correct. I'm proud of you. I'm very proud of you. Spelled it like that.

Yeah. But yeah, man. No, over there. I'm building my own personal stuff but yeah man no over there I'm building my own personal stuff out I'm over there on capes and cows with Christian Harloff

yes I've been doing that for a bit so I am building my own personal channel now so yeah come say what's up so you can also find you

on capes and cows and they do like what like a lot of movie review stuff yeah we specifically cover you know anything you don't fuck

with superhero shit no more, but superhero TV and movies. I've seen Marvels and he kind of liked it for some reason. I don't want to see the movies. The movies are just like, okay, here we go. Aquaman 2, where it was Mexicans versus black people, that was like

no. Water Mexicans versus like space black people. That was Black Panther. That was Black people versus Mexican people. Wait, that was Aquaman 1? No, that was Black Panther that was Black people versus Mexican people no no wait that was Aquaman 1 no no no that was Black Panther 2

wait did Black Panther 2 yeah Black Panther 2 oh yeah that's true they did fight then I was like no I'm done I'm out of this Mexicans versus

Black people as manipulated by white people there was a guy driving a Camaro did you see that like that mermaid we made him fight again that's what we do

with someone driving I don't remember all of that underwater Camaro submarine you didn't see that maybe it was a deleted scene in Black Panther We made a fight again. That's what we do. Underwater Camaro submarine. You didn't see that? Maybe it was a deleted scene. In Black Panther? No, I remember that. He was driving underwater.

Ironheart was in that. He was going... Was that the music? I don't remember. What I remember about that movie is... What's her name? From Seinfeld. Oh, Julia Louis-Dreyfus? Yeah.

She was in that? Yeah, she's the white lady who's manipulating the black people into fighting the Mexican people. And I went, well, that's just a classic Seinfeld scenario. Oh, my God. All right. Where's the white and black cookie? I actually think that liberals are the worst when it comes to not understanding their American privilege. Oh, yeah.

I talked to my girlfriend the other day, and she's constantly talking about, oh, America's the worst. It's the worst place to be. Oh, this country sucks. It sucks. And I just, I'm thinking, like, really? Like, why would, do you want to live somewhere else? Like, is there anywhere else that you'd rather live than America? Like, as far as I'm concerned, it's probably one of the best countries in the world to live.

There you go. And so I did ask her, and she's like, oh, well, maybe we should, like, go to, like, the fucking North Europe, like the Netherlands or some shit. So I was like, oh, you mean like a homogenous white ethnostate? I mean, that is what it is. Anyway, go fuck yourself. We used to be. or some shit. So I was like, oh, you mean like a homogenous white ethnostate? And that's what it is. Anyway, go fuck yourself.

It used to be. Okay, but I made that point. I made that point when I brought up the fucking problem that there's a lot of people who go, America's the worst country,

blah, blah, blah. And it's like, well, you know, it's not the worst country. It's one of them. No. It's pretty bad. It's better than Chad.

All right. Average life expectancy in Chad was like 50. Yeah, but they're having fun. Are they having fun? I don't know. I don't know anything about Chad. I know nothing about Chad. I only got a cool name. They should take advantage of that. Do merch with Chad? Yeah.

Like with the Chad meme? If Chad was just selling official Chad meme. The whole like Chad meme. If Chad was just selling like official Chad merch. Do they have.chad? Wouldn't it be funny if- They need a.chad URL they can sell. They would sell a million of those. Wouldn't it be funny if their government was like ours, where it just concerned itself with stupid bullshit like what you're talking about?

Yeah. Yeah, it would be. They'd make a bunch of money. I just wanted to tell you guys, and you totally deserve this, you just did your best episode ever. You topped your phone yet again. And I do have something

to say directly to Vito, though. Well, I'm not going to like this. Now, Vito, you guys kind of lucked out this week. You had the drama, the guy getting his girlfriend getting shot at from the front row. But you need to know you losing the weight The guy getting his girlfriend getting shot at from the front. Yes. The Maddox stuff.

Yeah. But you need to know, you losing the weight was what put you right at the top this last episode. And not just losing weight. This last week, fasting and exercising. Cheating. Not cheating. You realize. It's not cheating. You were counter-affecting the fat brain that you usually have.

I don't have fat brain. That's true. You were on fire this week. You need to know that. That's true. I mean, look it up if you don't believe me. You literally made your brain work better this past week. This is why you need to keep it up.

It makes the show better. Who gives a fuck about your weight? It makes the show better when you fast and when you... Wait, is that bullshit? Fat brain? Fat brain's real. Is he suggesting the show was better because due to my lack of nutrition, I was firing on all cylinders? Because you were fighting your fat brain.

Like, usually you would just say, like, whatever, I guess I lost. And that would be it. But you just, for some reason, like, there was, like, a tiny spark that you're like, I'm going to win. No matter what it takes. The pseudoscience bullshit. And you've never done that in your life. No, I have done that.

See, that's what pisses me off. Everybody thinks I'm, like, this big, dumb loser who's never, ever figured out how to lose weight ever. And what else What else do they think When I was in high school I weighed 260 pounds And I lost 50 pounds And I trimmed down and I looked pretty good

So I know how to lose weight I know nutrition Did you see the fucking comment Where I said like Cause at some point during the show I said all I had to eat this week was an apple And somebody left a comment And they're oh, he's trying to lose weight. And he goes and he eats these sugary fruits. And I'm like, you're going to neg me for eating a fucking apple?

All this fucking pseudo nutrition that all you people have been DMing me. Like, just eat sardines, but only eat them at midnight. Hanging upside down. Shut up. Yeah, do that. Eat sardines. Hang upside down. From okay do that eat sardines hang upside down i've gotten a foot stripper pole i need those fucking uh silk strings or whatever stop look i understand what calories are that's it it's calories less calories good now you're admitting

it don't neg me for eating an apple i know know how to lose weight. I'm not a complete idiot. Who the fuck negs in 2023? Thank you. He tries to frame them like they're homoerotic for giving him advice by saying that they're negging him. They are negging me. Yeah. They're trying to have sex with me. That's what he's trying to do here.

Our entire audience is trying to have sex with me, especially that one guy who keeps sending me DMs. About being your house boy? Yeah. Oh, did you see this? No, he hasn't seen this. Why would he see this? This guy's like sending Vito like lewd pictures of himself. This is my Stan

I was going to bring up. Yeah. Yeah. Skirts and like socks. Stan culture is a fucking problem. My Stan has cat ears and striped stockings and really wants me to fill their butthole with something. And I appreciate the offer. Yeah.

They also don't want to pay rent, though. They're like, just let me live within your house. They never do. I'll cook for you. I'll go on estrogen. If your cum's going in them, they're not paying rent. Yeah, well. How about this? If you can make me a surrogate baby, maybe we'll talk.

Jesus Christ. What? That would be a good deal. I don't got to pay rent. I get to put a baby in somebody. It's cheaper than hiring a Ukrainian. Okay. There you go. Vito,

my man, congrats. God damn it. Don't spend that all in one place. I do have to spend that money. I love that challenge. I think you guys should do more Vito Loses like once a year. Make it end right around Thanksgiving like this Thanksgiving like that way it's always a nail biter to the end that's a good idea go drink a Mountain Dew and eat some Taco

Bell you fat fuck thank you this whole audience is a bunch of assholes see you talk about stand culture like it's a bad thing I wish I had more fucking stands on this show all right here you go here's this guy likes you okay hey veto hi dick this one's for veto yeah answer as fast as possible get ready to answer as fast as possible you ready yep when's the last time you had sex no it's been a while. It's been probably three years, I'd say. No! Yeah. Oh, we got to fix that. I've just been working.

We got to fix that this year. I've just been working, and I was, what do you call it, hooking up with this one girl. Yeah. And then I was just, I don't know, what was this, COVID? Three years ago, yeah, it was COVID. Yeah, it was COVID, and it's like, I don't want want to come over i don't want to get sick whatever else and you actually reminded me of a buddy of mine during covid i guess people were starting to like use tinder even though they're like oh we should all stay in our home he's like fuck it i'm just gonna see what

happens and this girl came over and he was like it was a good time but like then i had to go see my parents and i was like okay so i'm gonna go and she goes oh cool i'm gonna order sushi and then just like laid down in his bed and wouldn't leave. And she stayed in his house for three days before he eventually got her the fuck up out of there. Lucky him, that can stay longer. It can stay a lot longer than that. So COVID girl kind of just disappeared.

I think she started dating somebody else closer to her. And I was like, I'm not going to chase. What, get you back on the horse? What are we going to do? I've thought about it, but here's the thing. I'm not going to chase. Will he get you back on the horse? What are we going to do? I've thought about it, but here's the thing. I'm a workaholic. You remember when I said I can only focus on one or two things

at a time, and that's why weight loss is a problem? I've also said I don't want to date again until I kind of look like a normal human being again, because I've gained a shit ton of weight. Okay. If I could get down to 250 or something, which is still a fat piece of shit, but at least I'd 250 is the goal?

Yeah, I think 250 is like a good, hey, you're still fat, but at least, you know, you're not mega fat. Okay. I haven't got to boogie fat yet. No, you could never. You don't hate yourself that much. What is boogie fat? He's like the fattest guy on the internet.

He's not the fattest guy on the internet. He's not the fattest guy on the internet. The only fat dude I know on the internet is the Nick. Nicado Avocado? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Boogie's fatter than him. Oh, wow. Well, Boogie's taller than him as well. No, he's not gayer. Boogie's a big man.

Did you watch all of Boogie's financial breakdown or whatever? Yeah, he's so annoying, man. Boogie. I really like, there was a point in time where I was like, man, I kind of, so boogie's uh financial breakdown or whatever yeah he's so annoying man boogie i really like there was a point in time where i was like man i kind of so boogie's this guy you probably used to see his videos he's a big fat guy and he used to make videos where he pretended to be like kind of semi retarded and like ghost plays magic cards and would like flip the get really mad oh was that is that what the famous gift judge yeah Judge? Yeah, Judge. Where are you? That guy. He actually had something outside of that GIF? No. Oh.

He thinks he did, but no. He had a YouTube channel with a lot of subscribers, and then it kind of fell off because he's got a lot of problems. Oh, wow. And now he's going on his I Have No More Money tour, which is just really hard to watch. Again, I've talked to Boogie, and I don't hate Boogie, but I watched it. He did this appearance.

There's this channel called Caleb Hammer. This guy's great. He's this guy who just basically tells people, okay, here's your financial situation. I looked at all your documents. Here's how to change your spending around. And he just basically goes to Boogie. He's like, okay, so, Boogie, you have to get a job.

And then Boogie just endless excuses about it. He thinks he's too good for a job. That's why. But he doesn't say that. He says, well, I can't work a physical job because I'm a big fat guy. And I'm like. Yeah, because I'm disabled. Yeah, I'm like, okay, sure.

I mean, I'm not going to ask you to like be a fucking line worker. And if anybody searches for me on the internet, they'll just see I'm a wife beater. Yeah, exactly. Well, that's what he's. What the fuck? His argument is that he has all this like negative stuff about him on the internet. So if a job recruiter searches his name, they're going to find out all these things he's done, and I'm like,

Boogie, your legal name is Stephen Williams. Do you know how many Stephen Williams there are in the world? And most job recruiters, who again, the guy's telling him, he's like, well, why don't you just get one of these jobs where you just sit at home and cold call people, or check up on people's fucking car warranty, or whatever, and he's like, they're going to Google my name!

If you Google Stephen Williams, you find some actor or whatever. Yeah. And most job recruiters are not going to Google your name. Some of them will. See, that's my problem is because everybody sees that Mumford & Sons motherfucker that I don't know what the fuck he did, but then all of a sudden people Google me and they'll be like, oh, you son of a bitch. Well, if they Google me, I'm completely fucked.

So, no, I'd do all right. That's a very Italian name. You'd be fine. oh, you son of a bitch. Well, if they Google me, I'm completely fucked. So, no, I'd do all right. That's a very Italian name. You'd be fine. There's a lot of Vitos. There's not a lot of Vito Giswaldis. Except my dead grandfather. He pops up sometimes in the searches. But, anyway, I tried to watch that Boogie thing.

And, again, I'm just like. I just want to see Boogie fall down the stairs. Right? Stop it. He's, look, I don't want any harm to come to Boogie, but I also. Me either. I want him to fall down the stairs and he's fine. He lands on his feet and he's like, whoa, that was a close one.

He does this thing where he's like. Like 50 flights of stairs. Like, oh, boing, boing, boing. Like flipping around. He's like, whoa. Stop it. Him and Boogie have a private feud. This show is supposed to be me and Boogie.

So you have multiple nemesis. Yeah, exactly. No, I've won nemesis. I've won nemesis. You've won true nemesis. I have many enemies. So that's your Robotnik, but then Boogie's like your Shadow the Hedgehog? Yeah, he's just a guy I'm fighting.

He has multiple side villains of the week. Yeah, and Nemesis is core to your creation. So you have your Lex Luthor, and this is more like a... Franiac robot number nine. Okay. Bizarro. Boogie's the Bizarro of the dick universe. I'm the Bizarro Boogie.

No, Boogie's the Bizarro me. Hmm. Point is, I just want Boogie. Here's the problem with Boogie. I'm like, just, you know you're an asshole. Stop pretending to not be an asshole. He's like, well, if I can, before everything he says, he's like, well, if I can break character for a minute. It's like, you're not, you were never playing a character.

You have never been a character. You are not playing a character. If I could break character. I don't know why. Let me just take off this fat suit. Here's the thing. Now I'll take off the retarded suit. I was never a big YouTube guy.

So apparently there was this period of time where everybody on the internet agreed Boogie was a really nice guy. And I'm like, oh, I've only known Boogie as like a complete asshole, weirdo guy who obfuscates the truth and lies all the time. Yeah, because he's not nice. What was this period of time where he was like the really nice guy? I never experienced that. That was when his whore budget was $200,000.

Oh, he also spent $200,000 on prostitutes and sugar. What do you call them? Sugar babies? Sugar babies? Yeah. Prostitutes. Yeah. But prostitutes that after they do the prostitute stuff, you go, here's some money for your

kids and shit. Well, you can always give women more money. Yeah, but you don't have to call them something else. Was he making that kind of money? Oh, he was making millions of dollars, and he pissed it all down the drain. He was making videos. Again, the videos would get millions of views. And now his videos get like 20,000.

I literally knew nothing about him except that gif. Well, that's- Judge! That's literally the only thing I know. I just want some cowboys to come in and kick the shit out of him No, I don't want that You just need him to He's doing that podcast

And he seems to be letting loose a little bit That podcast sucks Yeah, it sucks I was supposed to be on that podcast Tommy C is good I love Tommy C What do you mean you were supposed to be on the podcast? You just invented that

I DM'd Keem and I said put me on that podcast He said if you get enough support I'll consider it That's nothing It's something I have a DM'd Keem and I said put me on that podcast. He said if you get enough support, I'll consider it. That's nothing. It's something. I have a relationship with Keemstar. It's not a good relationship. Nobody has a relationship with Keemstar. Well, I know because he's a manipulative psychopath. Maybe his beard has a relationship with him. That show sucks though. It's so fake. They should bring

me on it as a guest. If you're listening to the Lookout podcast, tell them to bring Vito on. I will make that show work. I shit on that show a bunch on PKA yesterday. It's not a good show. I got all of them to bring Vito on. I will make that show work. I shit on that show a bunch on PKA yesterday. It's not a good show. I got all of them to shit on Wings. It was awesome. Every time I try to watch it, it's bad. Are we done with voicemails?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. One more time, everybody, please subscribe to our good friend Winston at youtube.com slash at the swaggy blurd. There you go, the swaggy blurd. Have you read Superkiller? Obviously he has not read Superkiller. There you go. The Swaggy Blurred. Have you read Super Killer? Obviously, he has not read Super Killer. Are you going to read it?

I don't know what it is. He doesn't know what it is. Oh, it's his comic. You have a comic out? Well, it's coming out. I'm working on it right now. It's way delayed. It's not way delayed.

It's slightly delayed. Is it like George R.R. Martin delayed? No, it is not George R.R. Martin delayed. It's getting there. It's going to be delayed like four months or whatever. It's not that bad. Did you get an advance? Yeah.

Yeah, we got an Indiegogo. Bunch of suckers. It's not a bunch of suckers. It's a bunch of supportive fans who want to read a great story. And I was going to say, one of our very timely bonus episodes, because we never miss one. We do them monthly. one of our very timely bonus episodes because we never miss one. We do them monthly.

The Biggest Problem Holiday Special 2023 now available on Patreon and backed.by. We talk about Maddox too. We talk about Maddox. We talk about Hunter Avalon. A lot of good stuff came up during the holiday special. And of course, a number of holiday themed problems

including The Origins of Kwanzaa. I don't know if you... Do you know The Origins of Kwanzaa. I don't know if you, do you know the origins of Kwanzaa? Yeah, I used to celebrate it. Oh, really? Yeah. Do you know the guy who invented it? I don't remember his name, but yeah.

Yeah. We did the whole, I learned all of that for sure. It's still something we loosely celebrate one way or the other, but you know. The guy who invented it has a very curious history, which we briefly touched on. He stuck a soldering iron in a woman's mouth. He allegedly stuck a very curious history which we briefly touched on. in a woman's mouth. He allegedly stuck a soldering iron

in a woman's mouth. Oh, alleged? Well, I mean, he went to jail for it. That's not alleged then. Well, it's still, he says it's not alleged then it's a fucking crime.

If he went to jail for it then he was, you know, then that's... You don't have to say alleged anymore. There was a number of things he supposedly did to women regardless.

Tom Bin Laden, alleged mastermind. Yeah, it turned out. He says it didn't happen. Vito knew all this right away, though, which is weird. I just know a lot of stuff. I know a lot of weird things. All right. Let's read some super chats.

We're going to burn through them. Jason Reed for five. Thank you, Tommy Tallarico, for rebooting this podcast. His mother's very proud. Thank you. Koo for two. Thank you all for not killing yourselves. Thank you.

The Locks for a big $50 on the board. Let's go. Says this is the inaugural Super Fat Super Chat. Time to get the scale. To be fair, to be fair, to be fair. Am I doing that right now? Yeah, hold on. All right.

Let me get the Bluetooth So what did you What did you Yeah, what did you start and what did you end at? He started at 310, he ended at 279 Wow I'm leaving my pants on Thank God

Scales fucking work both ways Uh oh 294. That's not correct. That's way off. Do it again. You got pants on. Dude, I weighed myself at home.

It's 285. 294. Were you butt-ass naked when you did it at home? Try it again. Try it again. Let's see. We got 294.8. 294.8.

So clearly there. What's in your pockets? There's a lot of stuff in my pocket. Failure. Oh, my God. Okay. Here we go. 295.8.

It went up? Yeah, because he's moving it around, fiddling with it, trying to put it on an angle. Oh, no. Oh, no. That's all right, buddy. I'm trying to drop some, too, this year. That's at the end of the day, though. That's true.

You're supposed to do it right when you wake up. I've been drinking, like, a ton of water today. Okay. You got that prime energy. That's, like, five pounds. I weighed myself yesterday. I was 285, so I just don't know what happened. I ate a big thing of garlic bread today.

You drank 10 pounds of water. I drank 10 pounds of don't know what happened. I ate a big thing of garlic bread today. You drank 10 pounds of water. I drank 10 pounds of water. What's that? I ate a bunch of food. 50 gallons? It's all going to burn off, and I drank a bunch of water, okay? They say your weight can fluctuate as much as 10 pounds in a day.

That's true. What? 10 pounds? Yeah, dude. I was 285 yesterday. It tends to be more like 5, but yes, it could be as much as ten. I have been, look, I've been feasting a little bit, okay? Have you taken a shit today?

I have not. So there's that. You going to shit some tungsten or something? Look, I weighed myself yesterday. It was 285, okay? And then I drank, look, I've been drinking a lot of. What's your birth certificate say? What is that?

Who cares what you weighed yesterday? I've been super thirsty for some reason, okay? So just been you've been pounding the pounding the dew not do okay i drink the fucking low calorie pineapple something or whatever all right all right all right it's all water all right i know the chat is revolting right now 295 oh man this says body fat 42 percent this i have other data how does it know my body fat percentage? It just has a camera in there. It shoots a bunch of electricity through your nipples and then just kind of radiates that back and gives a number. Look, I'm having a big week. You're almost more fat than man.

I'm having a big week, okay? And it's all going to come back off anyway. Shut up. For another 50 bucks, you can get him to do it again. I really should have said, let's not weigh in the week after, because I'm like, people are going to be crestfallen. Yeah, but that's why I paid 50 bucks for it right away. I don't know for 50 bucks.

Excuse me. Slickford for five. Can I get a good luck for a cash prize? Speed running tournament I'm playing in this weekend. Don't fuck it up. Don't think about me saying don't fuck it up right at the end. If you're right at the end, don't think about me saying don't fuck up, don't fuck up, don't fuck up, don't fuck it up. Don't think about me saying don't fuck it up right at the end. If you're right at the end, don't think about me saying don't fuck up, don't fuck up, don't fuck up,

don't fuck up. Don't fuck up. Don't fuck up. And that's what matters. Good luck. As long as I'm below 290. That's still 20 pounds, which is a good start. It's arbitrary, man. I can get back down to 280 in like a second. I just gotta get back up.

I've taken a week off. I took a week off from all the dieting. Take a week on eating. That's what you did. Well, you do have to go to Clearman's, though. You should go this weekend. You ever been to Clearman's, the steak place? No, I've never heard of that.

It's got fake snow on the roof, and it's a fake log cabin. I've never heard of this. Do you like steak? I love steak. You should come to Clearman's with us. The table's about six feet away from the booth at Clearman's. What the fuck? There's lots of room.

I went there with my mom. It's one of those places you can throw peanuts on the floor. She's like, I don't know if you're supposed to do that. Sawdust or some shit like that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had to keep reaching over the table and swiping her shells on the floor. She's like, oh, God, we're going to get in trouble. And I'm like, no, we're not.

Shut up. Kufa2 says, shake those pussy flaps. Hashtag blackface. What? That's Mr. Girl's rapper name. No, it's not his rapper name. It's one of his rap characters. Oh, my God.

Okay, Mr. Girl has invented. He has a 3D. Remember I was saying the pedophile is the best part about him? Blackface is, look, the point is Mr. Girl has a 3D Remember I was saying the pedophile is the best part about him? Blackface is, look the point is Mr. Girl has a new music video we're not going to play it here today for a number of reasons, but he has a character he's invented

called Blackface and I think it's a compelling art piece and he's a very interesting individual. Yeah, he's great. I love Blackface. He's good! He's good. We'll see. And check it out, where do you go? At MrGirlReturns on Twitter, because he's banned everywhere else.

You're like in love with MrGirl. I think he's one of the most provocative artists of our generation. I genuinely believe that. Yeah, he's good. He's fucking... Dude, that video, he bought, you know he bought like 20 iPhones so he could like get, you know, like the 3D mapping or whatever you call it.

You know, he put like ping pong balls on his face or whatever. Really? All that stuff in that video. So he made a 3D music video where there's a black version of himself that's blacking, that's rapping. That's blacking? That's blacking. I'm sorry, what? You want to run that down to me one more time?

That's not racist because that's not a real word. Okay? What do you mean it's not racist? It's completely racist. No, what he did is racist, but I'm saying the amount of effort he put into the racism. Into his racism? Well, it's not. That's what makes it okay.

But it's not racist because it's a celebration of, it's blurring the lines, I'm going to say. That motherfucker doesn't celebrate anything. What are you talking about? The point is he spent three months animating a 3D version of himself that he self-tracked and he had to learn 3D modeling. How long did it take him to animate Song of the South? He did not animate Song of the South. I hate you people.

Antagonist for five. You people? What the fuck do you mean by you people? I did have a black friend at the end of the show. I will no longer have a black friend. Antagonist for five. Happy birthday, poo-poo. May your pee-pee be clear and your poo-poo be smooth. May Kurt and Mango get along someday and please punch Kitty Cow for me.

Antagonist for another two. If you don't read that last one more clearly, I think I read that pretty well. Pine kitty cow for me. Antagonist for another two. Vito, read that last one more clearly. I think I read that pretty well. Pineapple Man for five. Hey guys, I played Neopets yesterday with Bag of Schmidt. Wow. Don't matter that I'm a grown man. I still love taking care of those fun little critters. Pigeon for ten

says late and gay. Pop Quiz for twenty says money towards Vito's weight check-in. Well, that was wasted money. No, it's fifty or nothing. It's not no add up to 50. You gotta give a straight 50. You gotta give 50 bucks. Raymond Finkel for 10. Vito, you kept interrupting Carl when he was on and my girlfriend was very upset by it. A lot of people. I don't want to

talk about it. I don't want to talk about it. You were interrupting Carl a lot. I'm a piece of shit, okay? Sometimes I get excited and I talk over people, alright? Red for 2. It says, fuck you, Vito. I owe Tony $200 because of you. Just think if you had waited another week for the way, and you would have, well, I guess you couldn't have paid that bit.

Fuck Tony. Yeah, fuck Tony. Tony TGD, the comic guy? Yeah. The Geek's Den? Is that what that is? The guy who uses all clips of us for his show as his interstitial? What's his YouTube name, though?

Tony TGD, the Geek Getaway. Oh, the Geek Getaway? Yeah, that's his channel name. Isn't that TGG? There's a typo he did? I don't know. It's The Geek Getaway is his channel. He's always bragging about how much money he's making. He's not making that much money. He doesn't need 200... Well, he's

not! I mean, but here's the thing is, we made that guy, because that guy's been riding us. No, no, no, no! Don't include me on your... He puts you in his show! He has clips! I'm grateful for that. I think he's making a lot of money. He's latched onto the Eric July drama that we've created, and he's benefiting from it, and congratulations.

He's a very smart man for doing so. I appreciate him. Yeah, we created that. Sam for 20. The biggest problem is flag nerds religiously adhering to the principles of flag design until we all have the most corporate, red as... Wait, retarded as fuck designs for flags nobody will ever carry into actual

battle go fuck yourselves love the show thank you Sam big 20 bucks don't go into battle ever yeah don't be the flag guy I don't think we have flag guys anymore the flag for battle should say I'm with stupid and have an arrow pointing down right dude here for two why haven't you been streaming Vito cause my sleep

schedule's been fucked up due to this weight loss contest. So I've been asleep at the normal time I would stream games. However, I have now regained a normal sleep schedule, and we will resume Wednesday night streams on my channel every Wednesday at 6 p.m. Pacific time. Come on by. Fatix the Great for Five. Hey, Winston, do you feel that black people have an exclusive right to say the N-word? If so, how is that idea not just as racist as a white saying it?

Thanks, Fadix. You don't have to answer people, by the way. Which is fair. Which is fair. But he sent $5. I can answer it. That's fine. Yes, I do think that black people have the exclusive right to say it,

and that's because white people, your grandparents, spent all your nigga inheritance. You don't have any left in the bank. You used it all up during slavery so that shit's over. I honestly don't think you can say that word on a stream. No, you can say it. Yeah, but I'm on the stream. But he's on the stream. That's not how that works.

You don't understand these people like I do. They have like rap award shows on YouTube and there's white guys in the audience. That's fine. I'm not even allowed to be in the audience. It just depends on what the... I mean, I don't know. I'm just busting balls. He's busting balls. All right.

I don't know. Shit. A lot of weird shit has happened tonight. I don't, I don't, I don't. Cantu for two. Says Maddox Blast. Yes. Advent Naxxus for five.

Three minutes in and Winston wants to hypersonic feet out of there. I don't blame him. Rex Sexton for five USD. Vito, what's your favorite restaurant in Boston? I'm going there tomorrow and don't want to order shepherd's pie or bangers and mash or whatever y'all eat. Boston's a big town. Best restaurants in Boston.

See, when I lived in Boston, I was poor though, so I didn't even eat at any of the good restaurants. There's, go to Faneuil Hall. It's the touristy thing get a get a bowl of chowder bread bowl uh there's also a restaurant near there which is kind of okay and it's like i think one of the oldest restaurants in america which is cute you know so that would all be on like it's all trip advisor like i mean sure i don't know i don't have any good yeah i don't have any good uh boston restaurant Go to the Cum Chowder House.

I went down to Chinatown and just ate Vietnamese sandwiches for five bucks. That was my Boston experience. Do that. But have fun. Vetidoid for whatever the fuck. What is this? Try 1100. Okay.

I want to find out what that is. Is that a lot of money? No, it never is. I know. If people give a lot of money, it's in dollars. Well, I'm going to assume this is a dollar. Giving charity to a fraudulent weigh-in contestant, is that the definition of charity fraud?

I have the evidence. I made weight, motherfuckers. PSI Chris for two. Vito equals Maddox too, already obsessed with 80s girl. I'm not obsessed with 80s girl. Maddox doesn't admit that he is. That's the difference. Yeah, I also don't write her letters that she knows of.

Oh, yeah. So my nemesis, I'm dating his ex-girlfriend, that girl that you met up there. We've been dating for like, I mean, 10 years. Oh, wow. So now it's like. Is that what this all is about? Yeah. Yes.

Yeah. 100%. Wow. So that. Oh, this. He wrote this letter to her. Like, please get back together with me letter. And he wouldn't stop fucking with me, so I read it.

Like on a show, publicly. No, I had a 300-person theater of people that packed, sold out. And then a guy dressed like him and acting like him read the letter to a violin solo. You're talking about Mad Cucks? Yeah, Madcox. Madcox hates me, by the way. What are you going to do? Yeah.

That's the level of depravity that we're at. Yeah, you guys have really, this has gotten. This is why I stopped hanging with motherfuckers from Boston. This is the shit they get me into, bro. Fuck. I don't want none of the smoke. White guys have feuds that are quite unique and interesting. Y'all are so bored.

Y'all are so bored. Somebody made a full-size replica of Maddox and put it in a coffin. Yeah, in a coffin. And you have light-up eyes. Yeah, we had a pretend funeral for him. Bro, Flint, Michigan still don't have fucking water. What the fuck? Yeah, all us white people are spending time creating effigies

of our enemies. Dawson for 20. Merry Christmas. There's no white people involved. Mexican, Armenian. That's fair. Italian. That's true.

I'm the worst kind of white. Lemon trashy for two. Hey, the Italians, we're disgusting. We do not belong in this country. I mean, throwing bananas

at Super Mario is fucking... It caused a lot of trouble. We came into America and we said, hey, we got a great idea. It's called organized crime. And then we made this country what it is. Hey, we got you guys liquor back. Lemon Trashy for two says, I broke my fibula roller skating.

Silly pants when? Soon. Soon. Dawson for a big $20 on the board says, Merry Christmas. Thank you, Dawson. Geeks for five. Get ready for Vito loses two or he trains by benching his starting weight. Lord Pepsi for five.

Vito, to lose weight, eat more, JK. LA is an exciting hellhole the rest of the country would never understand. That's true. I enjoy LA. There's a lot of stuff to do. Exciting. And I don't do any of it. It's funny.

$5 from Nava Down South. Thank you. Moogie Amagi for five. Thank you all, and especially Koo, for not killing yourselves. Thank you. Nava Down South. Thank you. Moogie Amagi for five. Thank you all, and especially Koof for not killing yourselves. Thank you. Nava Down South for another ten. Vito, oh, I can only drink five 20-ounce Mountain Dews all day? Also, Vito, this drug sucks. Makes me nauseous.

I can't binge drink 400 grams of sugar a day. Does sound like you. We're never doing a weight loss contest again, now that I think about it. Dumb Username for five. You got it backwards. Batman doesn't need the Joker. Joker needs Batman. That Merry Little Batman movie was pretty good by the way. Did you watch that? The Merry Little Batman?

No. I don't know what that is. They made a little animated Batman Christmas story. It looks cute. It's gotten good reviews. Koof for two. Glad to see Denzel return to the show. That's racist. Thank you for not killing yourselves. RyeDog for five. If you think you're in a dream try counting your fingers.

I always end up with weird numbers of fingers in a dream. Why would you want to wake up from a dream? You can do whatever you want. I don't know. Maybe the dream's getting spooky. And you want to not get, you know, spooked out. Just out of curiosity, two dollars. What up, mother lovers?

Keep up the funny. Thank you. James Gardner. Yeah, I hope that surrogacy problem was funny. Funny enough. It was funny. It was funny. For 20 bucks, great amount of money.

And great guest, he says. Great chemistry. Hope he gets out alive. We have enjoyed having Winston here. It's good to have a comedian on the show, you know? Yeah. Somebody can make some jokes. Yeah.

Got some duds in here. You ever talk to Eric Escobar? Did you know Eric Escobar? I know Eric. Wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait. What? Why are you slamming other guests? I'm not slamming other guests. Stop bringing me into your bullshit!

Goddamn! I love Eric, but let's be real. Eric's fucking weird. That was a weird episode. Because of you. Why is it my fault? Because you brought in weird shit to talk about. He brought in evolution as a problem. Which was fine.

It was very bizarre. I'm not saying he's not funny. He's just fucking nuts. He's nuts in the head. You throw too many people under the bus. Damn, I can't wait to see what this motherfucker says about me when I leave. No! Yeah, exactly.

I love Eric. I love Eric. Eric's doing a... You don't motherfucker says about me when I leave. No! Yeah, exactly. I love Eric. I love Eric. Eric's doing a- You don't ever talk about people with that tone. Like, I love this guy. It's like so dismissive. I'm negging. I'm, you know, it's out of love.

So you're the fucker negging in 2023. No, I'm busting balls. He's a fellow comedian. All right? He came in. He brought a weird fucking problem. It was a weird fucking show. It was fun.

Jesus Christ. You loved it. You had a good time problem. It was a weird fucking show. It was fun. Jesus Christ. You loved it. You had a good time. Yeah, he's great. All right. Well, if it sounded like I was trying to say he's not funny, he is funny. He's just weird funny. Okay?

Weird like what? He's like off the wall. He's like crazy. He's like a Kaufman kind of guy. He's nuts. Kaufman? Like Andy Kaufman? Yeah.

Oh. You never know what Eric Escobar is going to say next. John Q for two says, oh, wow, I actually liked the guest this week. Thank you, John. Riley is here for five. In veto fertilization, we create a lovecraftian horror that we couldn't survive. Thank you, young Clippa. Q for two, thank you, Winston, for not killing yourself.

I don't know if you figured out that this show has an unofficial catchphrase. Spider Eternal for five. Apparently this is a comedy podcast where Maddox, oh, I mean Vito, brings up the hilarious topic of a surging surrogacy market. Jesus fucking Christ. It was a good, sometimes we do problems that are good problems. They can't all be that booths are too tight, okay? Yeah, but it's just weird that you're like so invested in surrogacy.

I'm not invested in surrogacy. I'm invested in all the people negging people who are getting surrogacy. Like, why do you... Shane Dawson and his gay husband made a fucking baby. They couldn't adopt one? No, I don't know. What do you want? Come on. Oh, you want like a duck? You don't want a duck. You want one that's been in the fire department

fucking bag or whatever it is? I don't want that. That baby needs a parent too, bitch. Yeah, but like, you know, they can... If you got the money, it's more fun to make your own. Alright? And I'm just supposed to like just support this, right? And not make fun of it.

You can do whatever you want. I'm thinking, well, I need to have some of my DNA in it. Well, what about its DNA? It's got half with somebody else. Well, fuck it. We'll talk it out of it later. I don't know, man. I don to have some of my DNA in it. Well, what about its DNA? It's got half with somebody else. Well, fuck it. We'll talk it out of it later. I don't know, man. I don't have a problem with it.

Everyone else does. Chad Sharp for $51 says, Ricky Retardo needs to tell Vito how retarded circus he is. I'll do it next week. Let's save that for next week. Maxwell for $17 says, It's your boy Prime at Merry Xmas, boys. Dick, your timing on the Vito loses reveal a few weeks ago was perfect.

Stretched out perfectly. Thanks for being the funniest guys on the internet. Thank you, Maxwell. Thank you. I finally get credit. Yeah, you've thanked for stretching that out forever. That was torturous. Claptrap to Destroyer for 10.

Winston is a real one for dealing with you guys. Vito, please don't have children. Fuck you, Claptrap. The Grillcaster 5. Vito, wanting to raise a kid without a partner and groom them for the entertainment industry is really not helping the pedo allegations. I don't know what you're talking about. The pedo allegations of either you or the entertainment industry, actually. Yeah.

It's not helping any of those pedo allegations. I'm going to make that kid famous and I will protect him from the Hollywood pedophile elites, okay? There, you have nothing to worry about. Miles Wilson for 5, Vito wants a kid as some second chance at Life Vanity Project. That said, please set a Patreon goal for a surrogacy. 30 grand. 30 grand. Panic pun for five.

Speaking of stans, the Completionist stans were the worst this week. Have you seen this drama at all? No, what is this? Do you know this guy, the Completionist? He's another YouTube guy. Oh, yeah. Yes, yes, yes, yes. No, whatever.

He had a charity. He raised $600,000, and then it sat in a bank account for 10 years, not getting donated to charity. And instead of going, wow, guys, I really fucked up, and the money loses. Well, we don't know if it sat in a bank account. He might have just invested it as his own. It's possible he invested it in crypto and then-

Or anything. Anything, and then took the... And then he got caught so two weeks later $600,000 appeared and was donated and he made a video saying my mom died and I'm gonna sue

the guys who figured this out and made me donate. The two other guys who said, hey, why are you just sitting on the $600,000 everyone donated for dementia research? You know it's losing money sitting in that bank account. Also, is this a scam and you and your family are like skimming off the top? He went, I can't

believe I would be accused of this. And it's like, the money was not being donated for 10 years. You clearly fucked up in some way. The correct way to handle that was to go, I'm a fuck up and apologize, but instead he destroyed his career Dean Schock for 20 Because he's a criminal

He doesn't look good Because he's a criminal Because he stole the money and hoped no one would ever find it And he's shocked they found it and panicking He's obviously a fucking criminal I think there is a good chance That he believes And again this is a charity that's like him and his whole family.

I think he believes that there's evidence that would lead to somebody in his family going to jail. Because somebody in that family was skimming money or fucking around. He was. Gerard was. Possibly. There's other guys there. It might have been his dad. It might have been brothers or something.

Maybe they're all in on it. So there are additional criminals. His shitty apology made me feel like this is a cornered animal. Because there was a very easy out on that to just go, hey guys, I'm just a good guy and I fucked up. But instead he went scorched earth and he fucked the whole thing. I'm a good guy, I fucked up, and I'm going to sue the guys. I'm going to sue the guys who made me donate the money to charity.

And you're like, that's not a good look. What the fuck? Dean Shock for 20. My pair of shows show friendships grow by the episode. I'm going to sue the guys who made me donate the money to charity. And you're like, that's not a good look. Dean Shock for 20. My pair of shows show friendships grow by the episode. Vito, explain to this nice gentleman about how much you love your cat. I love my cat. I hate when people are left out. Remember?

Remember? Okay. He doesn't need to know about that. That can come up some other time. Matt C for $5. Matt C for $5. He says, I just wanted to say hi to Maddox since he's watching everything you do. Hi, Maddox. Hi, Maddox. Bob Genus says, I'm wanted to say hi to Maddox since he's watching everything you do. Hi, Maddox. Hi, Maddox.

Bob Genus says, I'm so excited to be here on the show. Did not just say. We have a very spirited audience tonight. Hutch Hutchinson for $5 says, Winston, can I touch your hair? No, you cannot. Parasocial relationship. The audience is fucking around. I know.

If he wants to. Johnny Rockets for $5. Mr. Girl's blackface rap is amazing. Why is it not blowing up? Because he's banned on everything. Yeah. Keep retweeting it. James Gardner for five.

Gay dude babies have to find a way out of the dude. Otherwise, I'm not invested. Yeah, they got to shit a watermelon or something if they're going to pretend to have a baby. Yeah, they have to deal with the pain of childbirth in order to justify what is happening to the mother. Okay, well, they're not going to shit a watermelon. Got to get it up there. Shit it out. of childbirth in order to justify what is happening to the mother. Well, they're not going to shit a watermelon. Gotta get it up there. Shit it out. Let's go. Disavow.

Kagon Postal for 10. I said something cruel to Vito the other day in my super chat. Worst part is it wasn't even funny. I always pay my not funny debts. This one goes to Vito. Thank you, Kagon Postal. Man, $2.95. $2.5 what? You.

It's all water weight, okay? It's going to come off tomorrow. You got to go supers. I haven't peed today. What are you doing? I got to go to the money tab. It's right there. Supers.

Okay. Well, it's not going back now. Supers. Right there. Good old Supers. One more time. Get a couple more plugs in while I find this. Subscribe.

YouTube.com slash at the Swaggy Blurred. Yeah. People are going to love your content, right? I mean, I fucking hope so. I've been doing something called CPT Reviews. So, essentially, for those that don't know what CPT is, it's Color People Time, and that's because we're late to everything. Except for this show.

I actually just showed up on time to this shit with traffic and everything. I was like, two minutes late. Vito said, oh, traffic is bad. I'm like, okay. But either way, it's me covering movies that I should have seen by now. I had never seen

anything beyond the second Mission Impossible. Like I had never seen anything beyond the second Mission Impossible. So I started watching all the rest of the Mission Impossibles. My girlfriend is obsessed with the Princess Diaries. I had never seen that shit. I haven't seen motherfucking Juice. And black people get real mad about that shit. I've seen all the Friday movies.

I've seen all the Friday movies. So that's it. It's me covering the older movies, man. You should educate people on the African-American film experience. What about it? Like, what are the good Spike Lee movies? Most of them, not Chirac. What's the one where it's like they make a minstrel show, but it's on TV?

Bamboozled. I've never seen Bamboozled. Bamboozled is good, but it's fucked TV. Bamboozled. I've never seen Bamboozled. Bamboozled is good, but it's fucked up. I've heard Bamboozled is a really good one. It's good. It's just fucked. I also didn't finish K.K. Klansman. I got to watch that one.

Oh, Black Klansman? Yeah, Black K.K. Klansman. That was fucking great. That is great. I was mad that even though I didn't see the movie, I know that stupid Green Book movie won Best Director instead of him, and I was like, I know that's a fucking travesty. Yeah, with Aragorn. Wait, Aragorn was stupid Green Book movie won Best Director instead of him and I was like I know that's a fucking travesty yeah it was Aragorn

wait Aragorn was in Green Book fucking Viggo Mortensen or whatever yeah it was the driver fuck that shit man that's bullshit uh let's see

and he was like you cannot simply walk to the south that's not even the right character that did that. No, Aragorn. I don't remember who it was.

The other guy. It was the brother? Yeah. Boromir. Coup for two. Veto virgin contest. Let's go. We could make something happen.

Oh, man. Veto virgin contest. Here's the thing is. Horse. Horse. Horse. Horse. Horse.

I have been offered relations from women, but I got to fly them out here. That's been the problem. How's that a problem? No, I'm going to make it happen at some point. That's preferable. Fly your ass home. There's at least one girl who I know something's going to happen, but we just haven't made the timing work. What do you mean?

Fly her out. Book those tickets tonight. She wants me to come to Chicago. No, she comes to you Well, that's what I keep saying She's like, I don't want to get on a plane She talks like that? Well, that's just my generic bitchy woman voice

She doesn't sound like that, exactly Just send her a Spirit Airlines ticket I'm not going to send a girl on Spirit That's fucked, that's mean She could pay At that point, if you were both getting laid? She could pay At that point If you were both getting sex out of it Then like she can pay for the

She wants the water She's got a job Because they charge for that right? So I gotta She's got You gotta figure out when she has like vacation days Then buy your bitch ass a spirit flight Fly to Chicago bitch

I don't know what the fuck the problem is I do wanna go to Chicago Can we do a live show in Chicago? You already said no Not for this Not for me getting laid Fucking shit Let's see.

Vito the wig for 20. 250 is not a realistic weight if we are TBF to 300-pound men. Berserker for two. Vito, don't lie. You can't focus on anything at a time. Super killer coming soon. Attil Aran for 300 fucking communist dollars. Next, Vito's challenge, sleep with three people in six months.

I can make it happen. Autonomous Prime for five. I'd like to remind everyone what started the Eric July feud. Was a woman trying to tell Dick what he could or could not say? That's correct. Crazy Monk for five. Vito, buy an elliptical for home use. I like the elliptical.

I used to have one. Maybe I'll get another one. Get two. I have the exercise bike now. Use it for an episode of your favorite TV show once a day. Well, now I play Spider-Man and I use my exercise bike. Berserker for two. Don't say Rockets Red Penis. Oh, yeah.

That's a... Never mind. It's a reference. Okay. John Doe for five. Crimson will get a job. Stop playing with toys on Discord. MSG Enthusiast for seven. Hey, Vito, please don't gain the weight back too late. Butz Granoi for five. Vito is one-tenth of a 2009 Pontiac Solstice Convertible. James Garti for five. Vito is one-tenth of a 2009 Pontiac Solstice convertible.

Wow. James Gardner for two. It's almost like measuring tweets in the size of buildings. Farthanan. James Gardner for two. Vito cokes, smokes, and self-loathing. Me, 4-1-2-0 for five. Can Vito get a one-time N-word pass if he gets below 230?

I think you should allow it. No, we're not doing that. I'm also not going to be the one to do it because they will come and take your black card for that. You're not allowed to hand those out, are you? You go find another black friend to do that. I will not co-sign that shit. I can't go, hey, Winston said it was okay.

I still go, uh-uh. I still play black comedy clubs. I do black TV shows. Nah, motherfucker. That's true. And you are doing stand-up again. I saw you did Flappers, right? Yeah.

I did Flappers two weekends ago. That's great. You ever been to Flappers Comedy Club, Dick? No. Really? In Burbank? You're not that far. I don't think so.

Okay. We should go to Flappers sometime. I could live inside of a comedy club. I would never go there. Yeah. Well. No offense. There's been a lot of-

The problem with LA is- Can you believe I have so many beefs with people? I'm starting to understand. I'm starting to get it. You're making a little sense. Pigeon for 5 says, great guest. And I agree. Again, please subscribe to this man at The Swaggy Blurred.

Visualizer for 5, Vito, you have a face for radio. No, for sure. I'd appreciate it if y'all went and followed me on The Swaggy Blurred. I actually just put some on TikTok and Instagram. I don't know. Do y'all follow football at all? No.

Not really. So what? The coach of the Chargers just got fired because he got blown out like 63-21 or some shit like that. So I did a fun little thing on that. Well, I'm going to say this. Here's the thing I always say about plugs, and whenever I go on a show, you're already watching YouTube.

You have your web browser open. Just right now, as you're listening to the show, open another tab. Go to youtube.com slash at the swaggyblurred and just subscribe. It could cost you nothing. It'll take you two seconds. Do it right now.

If there is any sort of parasocial relationship between us, I want you to reward our guest for sitting through our racist, psychopath audience nonsense. Our? You're right. It's not our. It's your audience. My audience is the good part. And then block Lofty Pixels. Go to Twitter and block Lofty Pixels. Don't block Lofty Pixels.

Block Lofty Pixels. He sucks. Who the fuck is that? I don't know. Just another person we have to fight with. Block Lofty Pixels for bullying me. Don't block Lofty Pixels. That poor guy. Visualizer5, Vito, you have a face for radio, which is not as bad as having a face and voice For writing like Maddox

Alright Love you Vito That's enough I know it's enough They had plenty of time To get it in I'm just gonna do Two more

There's like two more And I get it out Taking forever There's one more Okay Riley Our mint salad is here We love mint salad For five dollars

I'm subscribing to Winston Review more movies Vito From Mint I wanna put up Our top supporters. You should review with Mint. She's great. Yeah, you should get Mint sell.

She's got big tits. She's a very... Who is Mint? She's a... Beautiful woman. Very attractive lady. She's got a sharp autistic mind. She does movie reviews.

She loves movies. She does great movie reviews. Does she... I feel like she went viral recently. She went viral for yelling about Star Wars and being half naked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And she wasn't wearing a super killer hat when she did it, and I'm mad at her for that.

But other than that, she's fine. Mint, wear the super killer hat when you go on these fucking shows. It'll be hilarious. Guys, thanks for watching the show. Again, new bonus episode available at patreon.com. This is an old one, this is ancient This is from February, where's the new one? Deez Nuts

No, maybe it is this one No, because it has back.by I labeled them all differently Yeah, well, this is not the new one To fuck with you Point is, we got a new bonus episode Patreon.com slash biggestproblem Also back.by slash biggestproblem

Vote on all the problems at biggestproblem.show. And thank you for not killing yourself. All right, goodbye. Goodbye.