The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 120

Episode Date: December 23, 2023

God damn, fuck this. Oh, I need the headphones. Yeah, you definitely need headphones. Loading live stream, beep, boop, beep. How's it sound? How's everybody's voice level sound? Sounds good to me. Sounds great. Sounds good, sounds fine. Alright, transition.

So then he asks me, do any of you N-words have a question? Okay. And me, wanting any of you N-words have a question? Okay. And me wanting to participate in the show. Oh, yeah, I've been waiting for this. Rolls Golds, get him down here. That guy just said the N-word on a huge broadcast. It's got to be the pretzels. I was putting so much work into that episode of Kicker Keep.

I was going hard in the paint. I was making jokes. Hard in the art. Yeah, I was hard in the art. I did everything. I put it all on the line and I lost by five votes. I lost $500 by five votes. You don't go hard enough at the end, though.

I don't know what else to do. I was trying to go hard. You're just Mr. Fizzle Out, man. No, Destiny fucked me. Destiny fucked me because I was doing my big, cool anti-government rant and Destiny went, wow, hold on a second. I'm like, you're the Mr. Fizzle Out, man. No, Destiny fucks me. Destiny fucked me because I was doing my big, cool anti-government rant, and Destiny went, wow, hold on a second. I'm like, you're the host. Get the fuck out of here, Destiny. Nah, you've got to get real personal and mean at the end.

See, that's what you don't have. At the third round, everybody doesn't care about politics. They want to see blood. You've got to go right for the other guy. I also fucked up because I was not paying close enough attention to realize the guy I had been arguing against in previous rounds had been swapped out. That is baffling because Darius is one of the most annoying people on the internet. That you could not tell he was gone suddenly is baffling.

Him and his boyfriend were interchangeable to me. I couldn't tell the difference. You should have gone with that. I should have went with that. Why don't you get your boyfriend? Why don't you go down to the gay bar Where your boyfriend Pull your boyfriend out

I also got fucked Because it split the vote It was a three way in the finals I've never prepared for that scenario Point is You blew it again Shut up You blew it again

You got beat by an old woman Are you fucking kidding me? Now you got beat by like Are you fucking kidding me? You're going to nag me on this? Well you lost Three times I've been on Kick or Keep Three times I've made it to the finals.

Two out of the three, you've blown it. No, getting to the finals is something, man. Loser talk. Silver medal is better than not qualifying at all. You're the third guy on the podium not doing the Black Power Salute. That's you. You're right. I'm the white guy off to the side. Two black guys getting to be cool.

Kicker Keep, that's what you were on. I was on Kicker Keep. Did you see it Trixie? I have not had time to it's like four and a half fucking hours. It is very long Yeah, I work a real regular job during those hours like 3 p.m. Why do you people do this come on think about think about your audience? I didn't blow it the blue we were willing to allow the old woman thing, even though that was a ridiculous cope, that you totally just blew that, forfeited, basically,

out of cowardice. Sure. And then this time again, you've blown it. Why do I even go on the show if all that I get is grief when I don't win? Well, you have to win. I was dominating that show. I made Destiny laugh so hard,

and that was the greatest reward of all. Yeah. I got to do my favorite bit. The Ashley Babbitt thing. Yeah, I heard it. We heard it before. Yeah, but come on. Look, I test it out on this show, and then I bring it to the big stage, and it kills.

You actually mean that, though. It's disturbing. I think it's funny that she's dead. There's something there. What? I mean, it's funny that everybody's, like, so upset about it. You know, all these guys are like, well, you know, they fucked around and they found out. You can't just, you know, fuck with the cops.

The cops will shoot you. They'll put their knee on your neck. It's like, what about this lady that tried to break through a window? Oh, my God. I can't believe it. Why would the cops do this? They invited her in. Yeah.

Oh, they invited her in. You know what I've learned? It was a Frank Haskell situation. What I've learned in working with liberals is that saying like, well, what if it happened to you? You guys really don't care if it happens to you. You're just like, yeah, I'd be dead.

The cops would shoot me and I would prefer it. That would be great. I think that if I was in a scenario... It's like when, you know, you look at those Chinese traffic jams and they're just on scooters just whizzing by, risking their life. And you think, how could someone live? What's in their mind that they don't care about death going through?

That's what it is looking at you. But I can't identify with that situation because if the cops put up a makeshift barricade and are behind it with their guns drawn, I go, I'm going to go the other way. We went to a BLM protest. What do you mean you can't put yourself in that? We went to a BLM protest, and you ran to the can't put yourself in that? We went to a BLM protest and you ran to the front of the line and got shot with rubber bullets and I stayed back and I watched people loot stuff because I hoped they might drop something cool

and I could take it home with me. I like seeing buildings get broken. You like getting shot at by the cops. So next kicker keep, are you going to even place? I'm going to be the host of that show, I've decided. I'm taking over. I saw you trying to float that by Destiny. I was like,

oh man, you're really... I think I'm a natural host. I think I would be a great game show host. You are. This is a game show. Exactly. This is a game show. This is a trivia show. This is a competitive show. Let's give points to Super Chats.

We should have... I'll award points for to Super Chats. We should have... I don't know how... I'll award points for good Super Chats. Good Super Chats. We can have our records going. So it's about the quality, not the amount they give you. It's about the quality. Okay. But it's also about the amount that they give you. Earn biggest bucks by Super Chatting now.

The more biggest bucks you get, you will move up the biggest bucks leaderboard. You have to put hashtag please rate my Super Chat. I want to be in the game of Super Chat where you have to put hashtag, please rate my super chat. I want to be in the game of super chat. We have to put the whole string there. I want to be in the super chat rating game today. Which of course requires a $10 super chat to fit that whole message.

So next time, is it win? Win or... And next time will I put up another W? Look, I'm three for three getting to the finals. It's not a fluke. I'm dominating these people. So are the a fluke. I'm dominating these people. So are the Buffalo Bills. I should have a handicap.

I'm a big, fat, anime-loving retard. Like, the fact that I'm getting to the finals is a miracle. I'm not even one of these streamer guys. Aren't the people watching this, they like streamers? What if you had a game show where you were in an elevator and you were giving people trivia questions while they were riding to the... I like that. What would you call it?

Cash? Cash retard. Cash tard. I would call it casino subsidy scam. I don't even know if it's aired yet. Do you have a rhyme? I do, yeah. We're ready to go.

Let's go. It's good to see you again, Trixie. Yeah. I'm hyped for Biggest Problem in the Universe!

Welcome to the Biggest Problem in the Universe. The only show that ranks every problem in the universe from uncomfortable dining to heterosexual whining. From no good said that. I'm your host Nick Masterson. Joining me as always is Vito Gisualdi.

Hi. And studio this week is Trixie. Yeah. How's your new show? With the comments. It's doing fun. I'm having a good time. I've done two episodes.

Probably going to record the third one this weekend. I had Riley on to scream about Maddox with me for three hours on the last episode. As I said in the intro, I'm working a normal job right now. The two weeks since I last saw you were fucking brutal. Of work? You're driving around the country like, what, cleaning

trash off the highways? We show up in a new city and be a slaving away over a hot Twitter account all day. I made 80 bucks. Bird and I travel about 250 miles every day. We have to fucking rent U-Hauls. We have to go to shipping places, travel to buildings, remove everything out, put all new shit in. We build stuff.

We carry stuff. Thousands of, all day, working, day in, day out. I feel like this is a lot of, it's very vague. We build stuff. We carry stuff. Yeah, I'm day in day out. This is a lot of Very vague we build stuff. I'm Not gonna job sounds like you're in the mob is what I'm Building the ball is like construction work. It's like I work in construction. Yeah, okay Not a big structure. What sort of a mob is this I build stuff you know Driving around. I'm just saying, what are you, like, emptying out, like, buildings of, like, the debris?

More like, uh, like, like stuff that's on the walls. Like, take everything off the walls. Take everything off the walls. Put new shit on the walls. Put new stuff on the walls. For the most part, yeah. And so, you know, we're doing this all day. It's tough.

It's heavy work. Has a lifetime of reviewing anime, do you think, prepared you for a lifestyle of taking things It's strong, it's heavy work. Has a lifetime of reviewing anime prepared you for a lifestyle of taking things off of all hard labor? Not really. Right? You occasionally

try to slip. Neither the six months of estrogen nor the ten years of anime blogging really prepared me for this. No.

But, you know, I come home, I come back to my hotel every day after work, and I get on the internet, and I'm on Twitter, and I see Dick Masterson posting tweets of screen caps of comments from Maddox. And every comment is, how can you support somebody who hangs out with pedophiles?

I've got two of them. How could you? Hold on. I'm getting overrun by pedophiles. I got left out of the Maddox pedophile allegations, and I'm very happy about that. You said way worse pedo shit than I have. No, I don't know if that's true. Look at this.

Wait, I have one. I can prove it. Yes. This is bullshit. Oh, boy. Veto's Twitter. Veto's Twitter. Veto's Twitter. There's nothing wrong with this tweet.

This is a fucked tweet. You can't even see it. They don't even want you to see it. Wait, why can't I see it? I don't know. Veto on Twitter. Did I get banned for posting this on Twitter? Oh, there it is.

Okay. I shouldn't be showing this on YouTube. Oh, it's Rokubu. See? She knows where it is. That doesn't help me. That girl on the right is 18 years old. No, she's not.

Canonically, she is. No, it's not. It's not a fucking 18-year-old. It's a little porno lolly thing or whatever. This is a basketball manga. It's a series about girls doing basketball. Exactly. Vito said, don't worry, guys.

I'm just going to teach these elementary schoolers how to play basketball. I'm sure it'll be fine. You have bought a sort of a hentai masturbating game. No, well, I don't know exactly what it is. What's the name? No, that's like the company that made it. Scroll up to the original tweet, and it puts it into context. This is the original tweet.

No, it's not. Okay. I bought a box of Japanese Vita games. Pretty sure they're going to call the FBI. If I play this one. So here's the deal. You know that Whatnot app I keep telling you about? Well, I don't want to hear anything else about it now if this is what you're getting up to.

It's an app where you can buy... It's like Twitch for eBay auctions. It's live auctions. And there's these guys who just put up Japanese games. and it's like a five second auction, so you have no time to think. Oh, yeah. Officer, I don't know. Only five seconds. I had no time.

Five seconds, and she looked 18 to me. I was buying just basically every Vita game that came up, and the problem with Japan- Bro, you are so, you're such a consumer that you're fucking speed buying shit you don't even know? What the fuck is wrong with you? You know what? If you don't buy something for a day, I won't drink for a day. Every day that you can go without buying something, I will go without drinking that day. The point is, in Japan-

So I like, you know, like space shooters. Thank God you didn't take me up on that offer. I like games with like the planes, and the planes are shooting guns or whatever, or the spaceships. Are the planes women with guns coming out of their tits? Well, sometimes the spaceship games end up having this shit on the cover. There's like, Japan, you don't know. Wait. Why don't you stop buying from Japan?

For five bucks, it's worth the, I don't know. It's worth the lolly stuff. Well, occasionally. But then you tweet about it also. But occasionally you'll buy like a- Vito, do you play these games? No. In any of them ever?

Sometimes. Any of the... Have you ever broken out your Wonder Swan? I haven't broke out my Vita in a long time. I'll tell you that. Have you ever played your... It's a basketball game. It's like NBA Jam.

Bro, do you have like a will or something that explains why you have this shit in your apartment for when you die of a heart attack during your exercise stream? My sister will just liquidate it all and live happy. All right, look, it's a basketball simulation. You have to teach the kids to play basketball. There's nothing wrong with that. You got a dribble on them? No, no.

It's a very, very pedophilic series. Okay, well, I'm not going to actually play it. Okay, well I'm not gonna actually play it. Look, I started drinking by watching this show and drinking Bud Lights every time like something pedophilic happened was like my drinking game for this show. I don't wanna see this shit. Well the other thing is that also like the games come up and then you can flip them on eBay for like 30 bucks. So I can make money. To pedophiles?

Apparently. So you're doing a good thing. Trixie knows what it is. So maybe Trixie will buy it. It's actually a pre- Give me 20 bucks and that's yours. That show had multiple seasons, look. That show did, yeah exactly. Trixie knows what it is. So maybe Trixie will buy it. Trixie, give me 20 bucks and that's yours. That show had multiple seasons. Yeah, exactly.

I looked it up after the fact. It's not a pornography. Now everybody's mad at me. So the girls are no longer pedophilic because they're aged in the show. Bart Simpson's like 45 now, right? I would even argue it's a show about grooming a young basketball girl. I wouldn't know that because I haven't watched it and I haven't played the game. All I know is I said

basketball. Well, you know, I love a good American sport and if I could teach these Japanese ladies. You thought it was going to be black guys, right? I thought it was going to be, yeah. Shocker. Bunch of little Japanese girls. Honestly, that's the story you should say. I started looking up some clips of it and I was like we should really just get some black guys to re-dub

all the little girls because it would be hilarious. I'm just going, hand me the rock. All right. Put it in the paint. Go up. Fade away. And the little girls would be saying that? And the little girls saying that?

Yeah. Yeah. I want to license the show and just get all black guys to do the voice of the girls. He would have never, Vito would have never made these jokes last week when the black guest was in here. No. The friend. He said African-American film. I felt so bad. Do you remember No. He said African-American film. I felt so bad.

I say African-American sometimes. I can't believe you had not seen that guy in five years and you dropped him into this. You literally said the N-word like three days ago. Yeah, but that was after he was on the show because I feel like he transferred me a pass subconsciously. I don't think. Look, here's the problem with living in LA,

okay, is... Yeah, we know. That guy looked like he thought he was in a Jordan Peele movie. Yeah, we'd get outed. Is it the same problem that's in Detroit? Yeah, there's a lot of problems. Point is, I'm really happy that the audience went and subscribed to his channel. He's probably

horrified that he now has 120 new subscribers from our show. Yeah. But check him out at YouTube.com. The Swaggy Blurred. He was great. He's a great guy. He's a cool guy. His problem was really good, too. I think he might have won. Stan Culture? Oh, yeah.

He was winning when I looked. It was a good problem. Stan Culture. Yeah. Yeah. And then Tight Booths. That was a good one. Stan culture. Yeah. Yeah. And then tight booths. That was a good one. Oh, shit. I lost?

You lost by a lot. What was my problem? Surrogacy. Oh, yeah. I definitely lost. Never mind. See, because you brought in, like, surrogacy would be a good one to have on the list. Okay.

Surrogacy haters. It's like, well, I mean, that's kind of like just a lot of people. Surrogacy's cool. I think, I mean, that's kind of like just a lot of people. Surrogacy is cool. I think not enough of us have seen. How else am I going to make the next generation of adorable basketball players if not through surrogacy? I haven't seen the surrogacy haters enough. Do those girls look like they had a father? No, that's why they're being forced to play basketball.

Are you going to make your own team? Yeah, I'm going to make a whole team of little Jizzwaldies. Like the Vito bunch, but it's just you and little girls in that thing. And Alice is also a little girl. But not related to you. Yeah, just me in the center and a bunch of... I'm not even going to play. I don't speak Japanese.

I'm not going to be able to play the Japanese basketball game. Make some more erotic. I'm going to flip it on eBay. They're easy flips. People buy this weird shit. Pedobe. Probably. Pedobe.

If it was a shooter, I'd play it. Flip it on Silk Road. There's this game like Death Smiles. You ever see that game? You've probably haven't seen that game. I haven't seen that. But you know what I'm talking about. It's like on the cover, it's just a bunch of little girls holding hands.

And you play the game, and you're shooting demons. And you're like, oh, that's cool. I like that. This is not that. This is little girls playing basketball, which is different. But you tweeted about it. That's, I think, the that's what makes it a Vito's Twitter. Because I don't care anymore. Vito's Twitter.

It's the same thing with Kick or Keep. I'm just like, I've stopped caring. About what? About my reputation. When did you ever care about your professional idiot? I know. But like at this point It's like just so far down the rabbit hole Of like

Whatever This is just what it is now Yeah So I'm just off the chain Wait till Maddox gets a hit piece on you I know Then your reputation will really be He's slacking

He needs to Figure out what he's gotta say about you He's Yeah Can't seem to I guess he just doesn't know where to start It would take him ten years To make another video

He doesn't have time to do that. That's true. He was supposed to do those Q&As. Where's our fucking Q&As? We're not getting Q&As. I don't know. I was waiting for those. What's his next plan?

It's weird. It's like he thinks that if he doesn't make videos, because he's left so many comments. It would be so much easier to turn on a camera and talk to people at mass instead of responding to every single comment. Okay, hold on. If he wasn't an idiot, just take the comments and make one video going through them one by one. Don't worry, I've already done it for him. It's called Comments on Comments, where I take every Maddox comment and read it and respond. He could actually monetize that, though.

Just like an hour of reading comments on the video and calling- You clearly didn't watch the video. You clearly didn't watch the video. A fan of strangling dogs and hanging out with pedophiles. And he hangs out with pedophiles. And you're supporting a sociopath. You must be a sociopath yourself. I was so excited that we finally had something to talk about other than Eric July.

And then Eric July forces us back into this fucking endless cycle of, well, this is probably done with. I'm seething. I'm absolutely seething. I am actually seething with rage. You claim that you're actually seething. Well, I wanted him to fight the lawsuit forever because lawsuits are so funny. Right. And he's retarded.

I wanted to see him. He just rolled over. Yeah, he just rolled over, took it are so funny. Right. And he's retarded. I wanted to see him. He just rolled over. Yeah, he just rolled over, took it up the ass. For those of you who don't know, Eric July has triumphantly. Triumphantly admitted defeat. Stepped through the flames. Oh, boy. A man of action, a true warrior, vanquishes enemies by settling a trademark lawsuit with an international school of ministry. That he said he was going to fight.

That he said he was going to fight to the bitter end against a group of fake Christians. He said he was going to sue us. But instead, he's found the more valiant W is to bend over and do what we told him to do right away. Sometimes taking an L can be the more respectable thing to do. Yeah. I think you and I both on the subject of Destiny going on his show, even though I don't think either of us really lost, but in the eyes of society we did.

So we both kind of were like, yeah, you know what? Oh, your debates against Destiny? I kind of did get my ass kicked by Destiny. And it's like people like this when they're like, I want a friend, though. Actually, nobody won or lost and all that shit. It's like, what are you fucking talking about? Everyone's going to laugh at that.

If you just said, yeah, I fucked up, we'd all be like, cool. Let's move on to the next thing. But it's always got to be like, I won in a weird way. It was a tie. Everyone's going, so Vito must be so mad. And I'm like, I am, but not for the reason that you're proposing. Doesn't matter. I'm mad because-

Eric July gets a W. He gets a win because we're mad. When this happened, I went, okay, so I know what you're doing. You're going to frame this as a big battle against me and Dick. Yeah. And then when you inevitably settle that lawsuit, you're going to go, see? I triumphed over the haters. They wanted me to fail. And now everybody's coming to my comments and going, see, Vito, you wanted him to fail.

You wanted him to lose that trademark. And I'm like, did I go on like every show and say I don't care? He did lose the trademark. He doesn't have it. Well, he doesn't. That's the other thing. He's kind of his. His audience doesn't seem to realize that he's kind of dancing around what actually happened.

Well, I'll tell you what happened. He said they're fake Christians and that we were going to pay. He was going to sue us and it was unclear how much it was going to cost us. And then that his rock star lawyers were going to handle it. And then he hired new lawyers and immediately settled. Right. And said that they're a fellow Christian organization and that they're great people.

That's what happened. I don't know how it went from, I can't believe these fake Christians would do this. And they went, what a wonderful group of people and I'm so happy to be... Here's what people don't realize that he's dancing around this. He did give up the ISOM trademark. He never had it.

Well, so the way he said it, he goes, I will not be changing the name of Isom. That was never the issue. And Isom 3 will come out as scheduled. So I read between the lines and I go, okay, so you did exactly what I said to do, which was tell them, listen, let me put out Isom number 3, and then I'll just change the name of the comic book. To the shitty 3D clip art adventures of Isom. Yeah, exactly.

Of I Saw My Dead Great, Great, Great, Great Grandfather. He's welcome to, I don't know if he's hiding secret information. He wants to get one over on us and say, actually, I don't have to change the name of the comic. Fantastic. But every tweet he's put out, I went, huh, he's not saying that he gets to keep the name of the comic. Which makes me believe that he is changing the name of the comic. And here's what he'll do. And this is my called shot.

When Aesop 4 comes out, he's going to go, I'm so excited to announce the next chapter of the Aesop adventure, the Aesop adventure. And people are going to go, why are you changing the name? Does it have something to do with the trademark? It'll go, no, no. I always was going to change the name of that Aesop comic. I always had this planned. Yeah.

No, you have to change it because that was the settlement that arrived at. I hope he typos the new title. Like the dramatic adventures of I saw him or something like that. Which again, at the end of the day,

it's not a big deal and I would not have even, if you'd had to change the name of the comic to begin with, I would have went, yeah, well that's like a reasonable thing to do

in that situation. Just go, yeah, I don't want my trademark to bump up against yours. I'll change the name of the comic. I won't call you a fake Christian and make a bunch of videos about how I'm going to sue

a bunch of unrelated YouTubers and talk about torturous interference. Torch my relationship with Nick Riccata and EBS over this fucking lawsuit. Possibly incriminate myself in potential charity fraud on a big, weird live stream where I'm humiliated at my inability

to understand basic law. Idiot. And claim I want to kill people who put stickers on my warehouse. But yes, Dick, we are currently coping. We are currently. I am. I genuinely am.

I take it as a loss. I hate. You don't get to watch a lawsuit spectacle. Yeah. Whereas I genuinely look. Somebody asked. I put it this way. I'm like, if Eric got hit in the face with a pie, I would laugh.

It does not mean I am actively hoping for Eric July to get hit in the face with a pie. Why? Because I just don't. It's not something I wake up thinking about. I'm actively hoping anybody gets hit. Yeah, what are you talking about? It's so fucking funny at any moment. Pies flying around all the time.

That'd be great. That's how you two operate. Sure. Yeah. But in the same way. If I see a random guy, I'm like, oh, man, I hope he gets hit with a fucking pie. If Eric July somehow lost the name of his character, I would laugh at his foibles and I would blame it on his inability to handle this situation like an adult.

Yeah, yeah. But I'm also not out here going, oh man, I can't wait. Oh, you're such a good person, Vito. You're so much better than all of us. No, it's less... You know what it is? It's that I went... I think that this would be a hard thing for those guys to win.

I think it was kind of a frivolous lawsuit. I said that. I said there's like slight basis I could understand, and they obviously don't want to. I'll also say this. I wonder if he's allowed to sell merchandise with the ISOM name on it. I think that might be another thing he lost. I don't care about that. It's over.

It's still not good for him, and it's something that maybe he could have retained if he didn't go out there and called them fake Christians. I assume he probably didn't have that much bearing on it. Who cares? I care because he did what I told him to do. How is that an L for me? I said go settle. Because you don't get credit, so it's actually a big L for you. I don't even want credit.

I just don't want to be told. Yes, you do. I just don't want to be told. You must be absolutely furious that he did the exact things you told him to do. It's a big L for you. Which was to stop talking about it, stop making stupid videos about it, handle it privately, and then he gets to come out and make a video and goes, we have triumphed over the haters.

Yeah. We destroyed them by settling a minor trademark dispute with a bunch of Christians who have no idea. He framed it well, though. Look at you. You're upset. You're obviously upset. You know what? You make a very good point. I know that he won this round. You don't always have to win. Doesn't mean you have to like it.

It's not a round. There was never a round. It has nothing to do with us. He won a round against you. I have nothing to do with this. I thought you were talking about Vito. This entire narrative hinges on the idea that we somehow tried to get, or I tried to somehow get him sued,

which I didn't, because I don't care, and I don't even want him to get sued. I do. I thought it was awesome what Obtuse Gnome did. I think it was funny, and cool that he did it. There you go. It's great to defend charity, especially when you can hurt an asshole while you do it. Like that Gerard fucking guy.

Yeah. That's awesome, too. Carl's jokes is fucking cool for exposing that cocksucker. That Gerard story. I know people thought, and I did talk over Carl, and I feel bad, but people should be following that story. It's gotten a lot more interesting since Carl was on our show. Yeah. Go watch my video about his apology.

Hey, you should apologize for taking an L with Eric. I should. I'll make an hour-long apology explaining how Eric is so smart. And he has walked your way. That is another... That Gerard guy is another perfect example of not taking an L.

He could have taken an L so easily and been through all this. I fucked up. I'm not good at planning. I'm good at being a front man. I just can't. What do you think about Eric attacking Nick Riccato, though? Did you see that?

No. What did he say? Did you not watch his 16-minute follow-up video where he goes, now that the lawsuit business is settled, I have some things to say? Oh, you missed. He can speak? You missed. What did he say?

I mean, his basic theory missed. What did he say? I mean, his basic theory was, you know, all these guys are jibber jabbering, but we do truly have rock star lawyers and you should not be listening to this man who's, he basically insinuated Nick Ricchetti's a drunk. And I'm like, yeah, that's what makes Nick Ricchetti cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that he's not a practicing lawyer. Therefore, he has no business advising a man to shut up, stop incriminating himself, and stop telling a nice group of friendly Christians who do missionary work around the world

that they are fake Christians and bustas trying to shut a good black man down. They're all mad. People can tell that you're mad. I'm furious. And you're saying that you're not seething, but you are. I said why I'm mad. I'm mad at the belief that I'm mad. But you are mad. I know furious. And you're saying that you're not seething, but you are. I said why I'm mad. I'm mad at the belief that I'm mad. But you are mad.

I know, right? Yeah. It's cyclical. The You Mad Game is a fascinating game. Don't forget to vote it up. When you're mad, it is. I'm furious. You are mad.

I'm furious. What is that? The anger is washing over you. I'm making the anger dissipate into the ether. So if you had a lever and there was a pie flying at Eric July's face, would you pull the lever to change the pie to hit me in the face, let's say? The trolley pie? Yeah.

I would allow the pie to strike Eric July in the face. Okay, so you do want him to get hit in the face with a pie. If I had the option to hit you both in the face with a pie, I'd allow that. With some kind of a magical pie, okay. Classic Vito response. I should go to Eric. A magical pie. Of course Vito immediately thinks of self-replicating pies.

Do we have some sort of an infinity pie machine? I got to think of some good sound clips to give the Eric July community during this episode, though. I want them to have that. How about that Renown Zero guy? That guy's great. I just want to give him so many clips. He wakes up and gets vaccinated every day. Have you seen that guy?

Renown Zero gets a big W. What a winner. Oh, man. He needs a win. Come on. Give him a win. I'll give him a win. Renown Zero, all your attacks on me on Twitter. What if Riley becomes the pie man? You're destroying me. I wake up every day and I curse your name, Renown Zero.

Okay. Jack Rockstar says, I loved having a regular person be a guest on the show. Really makes you appreciate how bonkers the show really is. Bronco's B season. I wonder why Avery Knox didn't make an appearance on the last episode. Great show, guys. Thanks again. Yeah.

He was scheduled, but he showed up late. Kyle Knight, I'm canceling my Patreon because Vito made me look like a fool to my friend. I told my buddy we were going to see my name at the end of the show, but of course Vito fumbles the ball. That's not my fault. And uses the wrong graphic. You have the wrong graphic queued up for some reason. No, it's not your fault. Okay.

I don't know where things are on your computer. You better queue up the right one for this episode. You're gonna have to look for it. Car crash. Jason. Wow. Vito wasn't making up.

His black friend. Great episode. Well, I don't think I have a black friend anymore after last episode. All the fucking comments I had to delete. Oh, did you?

Yeah, there was a couple that I went, you know, this is a guy who's probably gonna check in and see if the audience likes him. I think you're going to have to be on delete detail to take a guess too. I went, you know, a lot of our guests, after they're on the show, they will go and they will look and say, I wonder if I did good on the show. And when the first comment says, can we stop having so many blacks on?

I go, you know, I just don't think he's going to want to see that. And it's going to paint a picture that maybe he doesn't need to see. It's like the one black guy in a hundred episodes. Yeah, the one black guy in the show, does everybody need to leave a comment about it? Just say, wow, that was a great show. It was so funny. It's funny, though. Look at how upset you're getting. I...

I feel like... I don't know what to say to people. I will never understand why so many VTubers try to deflect from what Gerard did. Like, if he touched none of the money whatsoever, he'd still be 100% guilty

of charity fraud. Yeah, I really hate any time an e-celebrity says, like, well, they're always nice to me. I think, like, what's wrong with you? Yeah, of course they are.

It's a smiley glad hand. You know, like, just a guy who comes up to you and, like, wants something from you so they're nice to you. That's what manipulative people... If somebody comes up to you and they're an asshole, you'd be more likely to be like, well, wait a minute.

Do you think Gerard got where he was? By being at the game convention, someone goes, hey, the completionist, can I take a picture with you? And he shoves him to the ground. Fuck off! You fucking get out of here, you beast! No, that's how he got popular. Were you smoking a joint?

He's smoking something. I was doing like a cigar like this. You were doing like this. My finger positions were not. Well, your fingers were closed. So what are you, how are you fucking smoking this? I think a joint was what I was. You're smoking a joint and you're that upset?

It could be a cigarette. Cigarette. Yeah, I guess. Are we really nitpicking the hand movement I used to I used to gesture like you're jacking off a car Maybe the completionist is a super nice guy Thanks for watching my channel all right, I don't know what that guy was doing, but everybody loved him and Yeah, they're all nice guys. I get it just like well I give you a pipe like get out of here your little Right you think that's weird right? It's the same thing with Harley talking about Maddox like he was yeah to me like yeah

They're all gonna be there's fucking trying to be liked that's their whole existence is trying to be like Bundy documentaries like oh, he's always such a nice guy like yeah And I seem like a nice guy and then next thing you know I'm posting videos of my PS Vita acquisitions And you know something weird is going on there So Never trust anyone I'm going to make another video about that completionist guy though Because you saw he had a follow up

They posted here's the stupidest thing about that They posted that call Yeah they did a call with him and on the call he's groveling like a little bitch Going I don't think you guys understand I really wanted to pay tribute to my mom and my career is going to be over. And they're like, well, dude, I don't know. There's probably a way to handle it. They were actually being super nice to him.

Yeah. And they went and made his response. He's like, I'm going to sue these motherfuckers into the ground. You're like, whoa, where did that energy come from? Yeah. Shouldn't have said that. And then you go, wait, but you knew they had audio of you sounding like a little petulant bitch.

Like, why did you try to play the tough guy card? What are you doing? It's like if you know someone's got pictures of you in a dress sucking 50 cocks and you make a video and you go, I'm the Ultraman and I'm gonna show you. Hey, where'd you get my pictures? Yeah, where'd you get those pictures?

It's like, well, we had them right here. Vito, can I have one of your strange Asian beverages? Oh, you're not going to like them. Maybe she will. What's going on here? Some sort of weird fruit. Is it apple? Samurai Jax's intrusive thoughts.

Hey, Dick and Vito, one of my most intrusive thoughts is getting a paper cut on my eye. Back in middle school, I actually had this happen. A friend of mine was sitting on the bleachers behind me and asked me to look at his homework as I turned around, the paper was right beside my head and it sliced directly through my eye. Back in middle school, I actually had this happen. A friend of mine was sitting on the bleachers behind me and asked me to look at his homework as I turned around the paper. It was right beside my head and it sliced directly through my eyeball. I could actually feel

the surface of my eye flapping when I blinked. It hurt like hell. And it still makes me cringe to this day even as I type this. Thanks for not killing yourselves. I love that. That's awful. That's awful. Wow, okay.

That sucks. Are we ready to do? Now that's in my head forever. I'm going to think about that for a while. That's why I read it, just to punish the audience for listening to the show. My problem is women fighting in movies. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

All right. Like fist fighting. Because they can't? It's like watching Air Bud to me. I can think of a few really bad ones. Like Guardians of being physical. Because they can't. It's like watching Air Bud to me. I can think of a few really bad ones. Like Guardians of the Galaxy. There's like a part where the sisters are fighting at the end. And I'm like, neither of them looks like they could ever has tried to throw a punch.

At least they're robots. I'm watching this Rebel Moon. I don't know what you call it. Netflix extravaganza. Zack Snyder's Rebel Moon. A science fiction fantasy epic. And then I see a little girl, an Instagram model. Yes.

First of all, the movie opens with the Instagram model working on a farm. I think I'm out. I don't need it. It opens with a space pussy. Yeah. And I think that strikes one. That was a vagina. That was strange.

Obviously a vagina. Nobody. Just a big vagin space. I like that about Snyder, though. Snyder's good at that sort of thing. A big vagina? Did you see Man of Steel where the Kryptonians all have obvious penis rocket ships? That's true.

They were just dicks. Huge dicks, dude. It was great. More than Spaceballs? Dude, it was like very blatantly they take off in giant ribbed penises. Zack Snyder's not a subtle director. No. He's maybe the opposite of that.

But that's the thing. It's like, I kind of like it. I'm kind of like, maybe sometimes. Are you going to be fucking saying that this is a good movie all episode? Is that your new thing? Have you seen this movie? Oh, I've seen it. Well, it's fucking horrible.

It's stupid. Yeah, it's stupid. It makes no sense. Why are there just Nazis there? It's not even like they're fascists. They're fascists. And they have similar uniforms. It's like, bro, that's just a straight up space Nazi.

They have neckties. For no reason. Why would you have neckties in space? Why is there a rape in a Star Wars movie? Why am I thinking, is this bitch about to get raped? Yeah, she was about to get raped. Is a Gungan going to pop out of her pussy and go, you're going to get raped? What the fuck is happening in this movie?

It's Zack Snyder's rapey Star Wars. I thought kids getting killed was the worst thing you could have in a Star Wars movie. But no, it's a woman about to be raped is the worst thing. Thank you. Can you grab a Trixie? One, two, thank you. I found that movie fascinating. Oh, you are irony poisoned.

I don't think you have irony poisoning. I don't know if I have irony poisoning as much as I'm just like, I appreciate the stupidity of it so much. It's like, because things can be stupid for a bad reason, but this is like stupid in a way where you're like, wow, he really just went for it. There's lots of stuff. Because things can be stupid for a bad reason, but this is stupid in a way where you're like, wow, he really just went for it. There's lots of stuff.

The problem I have with that is he, because he's a famous person, can get his really dumb movie in front of you, but there's so many other- Other people with terrible ideas. Yeah, that are equally kind of interesting in a couple ways. Every season, every three months, 50 new anime come out, and they're all garbage, but a couple ways like every season every three months 50 new anime come out and like they're all garbage but a couple of them are like watchable garbage and then most of them are dog shit it's like if you went on deviant art and you you went through like a bunch of like terrible oc yeah a bunch of terrible like star wars do that fan fiction the The Sonic OC channel. Hey man, sometimes I want to see a hedgehog inflate like a blueberry

and there's nothing wrong with that. Knuckles with a toilet for a mouth, you like that? Knuckles with a toilet for a mouth. That's the most fucked up thing I've ever seen in my life. I've seen that and it's terrible. I have not seen that. You don't want to see that. Sonic shits in the knuckles

with a toilet for a mouth. Sonic shits in the Knuckles with a toilet paper. That's worse than the eyeball thing, honestly. Why? It's horrifying. I don't want someone to shit in Knuckles' mouth. I like Knuckles. Knuckles is a cocksucker. Fuck him. He's an idiot. He's a useful idiot.

Perfect Biden voter. Knuckles the echidna. Anyway. There's something about a guy just having a terrible idea and a company throwing $150 million or whatever it was at it. You are such a cynical asshole. That I can't look away from. They had a fucking countdown timer for the whole world on Netflix. This shit. Get ready for this shit.

It's going to blow your nuts off. And then there's an Instagram whore pretending to work on a farm in front of Saturn. I think, what the fuck is this? After this space vagina. And then two hours later, this bitch is whipping around an antenna like Rey Mysterio doing jump kicks on a Nazi.

It might as well just be called a Proud Boy. Space Proud Boys. She breaks his arm using, I don't know what. She uses the whatever, the buoy. Women need to use their hips to open a heavy door. And she's busting guy's arms,

punching his kneecap in half, and hitting him so hard that his teeth shoot out, and then it turns out he's a fucking robot. And I'm sitting there going... I don't know if he was completely a robot. I think he might have just had a, like, a rope. He just had a metal skull in his fucking head. I don't know if he was completely a robot. I think he might have just had like a rope. He just had a metal skull in his fucking head. I don't know.

He might have just had a port in his head. It's Air Bud. Watching women fight always has been. It's the same as watching dogs play basketball. What's supposed to, does she have like powers or is she just like. She's got extreme military training from the most intense imperial training academy. If I can't see that on their body, then I don't... It's a disconnect.

If you're going to have that, she has to look like a big military chick. I mean, when she was working the fields, I was like, she can't push that plow. Her arms are not that fucking toned. She doesn't even know how wheels work, probably, if she's anything like women on Earth. Well, I would mention that a movie that is a good example of why women shouldn't fight was uh birds of prey

i don't know if you saw that one harley quinn's harley quinn intigo montoya and black i did see that yeah that movie sucked that movie sucks because it's a bunch of women doing stupid acrobatic stuff against like huge jack like mob guys and i'm like yeah he'd just like grab her by the head and just like slam her face into the wall. I think maybe domestic violence is exaggerated. If women are going to these and thinking, oh, that's reasonable. You've clearly never been hit by a man before.

What are you guys doing that angel shot for? What do you think that is actually going to happen to you? It is hard to suspend your disbelief knowing that, and this is always a problem with movies, is, you know, are the odds so stacked against that character that it becomes believable? Yeah. There's multiple women in that movie who are supposed to be. There's a little Asian lady. Like a tiny.

The girl that looks like Mad Max, like Charisse Theron. Is that? And Mad Max with the eyes. No, she was cool, though. I thought she was cool. But she wasn't punching guys. She had a gun. Did you like when Tarzan was flying a griffin around for no

reason? The Tarzan, the guy with the abs, is a slave, and then he says, I'll gamble you for my freedom to his slave owner, and the gamble is that he can ride a big bird, and then he does and then the guy gets killed this movie sounds stupid and lame uh the stupidest part was when the asian

lady fought the spider and everyone else just watched i'm like you should probably help her fight that spider and they're all just kind of standing there with guns that we've seen in previous scenes and i'm like why don't you like shoot the spider while the asian lady's fighting it here's the thing that movie is so stupid that I want to watch it again. Oh, you fucker. It's one of these things. You are such a fucker. I love it.

One of my favorite movies is Southland Tales. You're supposed to be somebody who shits on bad movies. Yeah, it's bad. You're sitting here celebrating a bad movie. But it's like, okay, here's the thing. You have to work really hard to reconcile this. There's movies that are bad in a way way that i'm like this isn't even like interesting in any way you know this movie was rebel what was so interesting about this movie

what was interesting about this movie was seeing a man who has clearly never evolved since the shit past the shit he scribbled in his notebook after watching dark after reading dark knight in high school hold on did you like sucker Did you like Sucker Punch? I never watched Sucker Punch, actually. That's surprising. Yeah. I've heard of what Sucker Punch is, and I honestly went, I don't know if I can watch that. That sounds horrifying. I would think a surrogacy fan would love that movie.

Yeah. Women being tortured in a hospital and having their brains, they're about to be lobotomized. I was like, Jesus Christ. There's a lot of weird layers to that. Guys are just writing boys, but casting women to do them. It's weird. And then I see it on screen and I'm like, nah, this is some Greek shit that you're doing here. I'll say that the main character of Soccer Punch was definitely a disappointment.

It was very one-note, I'm a badass lady. You mean Rebel Moon. Rebel Moon, yeah. One of the nice things about Soccer Punch. Yeah, I'm a badass. I'm a badass and I'm such a badass that I've gone in hiding, and now I have to return to my badass ways. Not only am I a badass, but I'm the secret greatest badass,

and I used to work for all the badasses. She's the greatest combatant in the history of battle. What? There's like a quadrillion, there's like a quintillion People in this your galaxy Just seeing a guy She's the best one that ever Ever was You have any guys that can do this

Out of a quintillion people She's been training since she was a child And there's that flashback On the battlefield she runs up She's got the flag or whatever and I'm like This is just like a guy Took some PS2 cutscenes and then spent way too much money on them. It's like watching Gears of War or something stupid.

Now that was a good game. It's a good story. It's like taking that and then just making the cut scenes look real fancy. Just seeing heads exploded by my dad. And putting some real bad actors in those scenes. And they all have Scottish accents for some reason. On chicks fighting in movies, there's two ways that I do like it. One is if

the chicks are actually big masculine women who look like they could. At the very least, Michelle Rodriguez size. She's like the minimum size of chick who looks like she could fight. Or if it's really small women with the stupidest largest sword you could pot.

Just way comical like yeah I was gonna say they have to have like they need crazy blades a lady with crazy swords battle angel Alita you're like that little robot couldn't do anything she's like I have swords for hands and you're like oh cool alright nevermind they have to trick the guy into thinking that he's getting

his dick sucked somehow if that's not in the fight then I'm out I don't buy it well part of their it's gotta start with how would you like hey sailor hey buddy you want your dick sucked. Yeah. Somehow. Yeah. If that's not in the fight, then I'm out. I don't buy it. Well, part of their, part of their, it's got to start with, how would you, hey, sailor. Hey, buddy.

You want your dick sucked over there? And he's like, what, for real? And then she kicks him in the nuts. That's what every single fight should be like if there's a woman involved. I don't have a problem

with female, like, with guns in movies, right? Because there's been expert female marksmen in war and stuff like that. Not in war. A few, maybe a one, two, and a name one.

Hold on, hold on. Like, yeah, in history, yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no. Like, fuck, what, Annie Oakley? What do you think? Annie Oakley's a good example. Is she? Do you know that?

Yeah, she was a trick shooter. Have women been allowed to fight, like, since... Maybe a bunch of Russian women. Exactly. Lunyama Plevenchko fought for the Red Army during World War II, the deadliest female sniper in history. She killed two guys.

Shut up. By driving home from war. On the drive home from war. She ran over two drunks while she was trying to park. There were 2,000 women snipers in the Red Army during World War II. Granted, that's against 25 million Russians. How many guys died? 20 million Russians?

Okay. I'm just saying, you know, there's historical precedent there. Because they were... The snipers were like, hey, you want to get your dick sucked? What, really? Bop, bop, bop, bop, shit. Get me another one. Bop, bop, bop.

Whatever works. Are you serious about the dick sucking? I'm going to go back to hiding if you're not. I know you shot those first three guys, but I feel like me and you have a bop. All right, never mind. But women with guns, that's fine. This problem to me also, I'm realizing it reminds me of like in anime, it's always like a shrimpy little Japanese guy who like kicks everybody's ass.

Yeah. That gets real tiring, too. It's always just like some wimpy asshole who like kicks everybody's ass. Yeah. That gets real tiring too. It's always just like some wimpy asshole who like has never worked out, but then they take off their shirt and they always are like ripped for no reason. Yeah. Not doing anything, just living a normal life.

Well, the myth of the bad-ass Asian martial artist has been sadly destroyed. You've been watching all the videos of like ancient Chinese karate masters and there's just one. What? You haven't seen this? You've been? Yeah. videos of like ancient Chinese karate masters. And there's just one. You haven't seen this? You've been? Yeah. Why would I be watching this?

Everyone's watching this. These videos are great. What are you talking about? Everyone where? Where are they posted? What website? Tell me any. You guys are actually out of the loop.

There's just, you haven't heard. Out of what loop? Out of the loop of this guy who's been going around China beating up every other Chinese person. It's awesome. Like now? No, there's a Chinese guy. He's just like a regular MMA guy.

He's not even that good at MMA, but he just goes, I will fight the top karate masters, any of them. And then they show up and they do these televised matches in China and they show up to him and they're like,

and then he just punches them in the face repeatedly until they fall down. Is this an AI that you're talking about? No. Didn't Steven Seagal do this or something in the face repeatedly until they fall down. Is this an AI that you're talking about? No. Didn't Steven Seagal do this or something in the 80s? No, wait. How have you guys not heard about this? And China is pissed because he's humiliating

all this ancient, like, for the longest time, Chinese. Why is China pissed? The Chinese government hates this guy. Oh, fuck off. I'm dead serious. The Chinese government really hates this one life hack. Oh, my God. He'd be dead if they hated him that much.

He's got, like, such a low social credit that he can no longer take the train to go beat up other Chinese people. Shut the fuck up. I'm dead serious because they're so mad at him and then he finds his way to these dojos and he beats the shit out of these old Chinese masters who claim to have all sorts of psychic powers. You have mixed up so many

Japanese and Chinese things in this. You're going to feel stupid when you look this up. No, because it's retarded. It's not retarded. This is the coolest thing ever. You can't take a bus because you're such a badass. Yes. It sounds like fucking Kimbo Slice shit. It's true. Like The Undertaker shit. They keep trying to keep him down because he's exposing

these hundreds of years of Chinese mysticism. From dojo to dojo. Yeah, exactly. He's a wandering warrior. He's not walking there, but he has certain... I think he can't fly. He has to try to take his own rickshaw He's not walking there, but he has certain... I think he can't fly. He has to try to take his own rickshaw. He can't fly, so he has to take a bus or something like that.

And he's just going around China. Like John Madden? Beating up Chinese guys. I'm going over here. We should bring up a video of it. It's great. No, I don't want to watch. I don't know why you're negging this story.

It's a good story about that guy. Send clips later. And maybe if he was beating up women you'd be celebrating him. What are you talking about? It's totally different. Guy goes from town to town beating up women? Chinese government hates him. Everybody in the chat who knows what I'm talking about

please super chat and let Dick know that he's an idiot. Everybody gaslight Vito into thinking that this doesn't exist. All the chat just doesn't exist. You never heard about it. You'll win the Super Chat rating contest. I've now turned this show into the Joe Rogan show because I think he watches all those clips. That's why I don't do clips. Because he's a big fighting guy.

Joe Rogan says Steven Seagal's Aikido skills are legitimate, though. What the fuck? Who cares? It's interesting. Aikido is a shitty martial art. Why would Joe Rogan say that Aikido skills were... Why do you know so much about martial arts? Where is this coming from?

All right, so I find it interesting, the world of martial arts, like the different styles. Yeah. And it's gotten down to the point where it's like we spent all this time inventing all these different martial art styles, and the Brazilians... We, yeah. Whatever, humanity figured it out.

We pedophiles. Okay, we spent all this time Trying all these Shut up Humans have spent all this time Trying to develop these elaborate fighting styles And the Brazilians figured out That just kicking a guy over and over Is the best

Fighting style of all time No, that's bullshit Well, what's better? Wing Chun, Kung Fu is the best. No, Wing Chun gets destroyed by MMA guys. Because you can't kill them. Wing Chun is fake shit. It's not

actually powerful. It was made by a woman, ironically, that I'm bringing this problem in. Wing Chun was made by a woman? Wing Chun was made by a woman who stared at... looked over the wall of the Shaolin Temple because the women weren't allowed in. I think that the Chinese have been exposed. UFC is not a good measure of what's the best fighting style. I guess.

It's a bunch of rules. You're right. There are no actual death matches to prove any of this. But it seems way more effective than what the Wing Chun guys are doing. They get in the ring and they're like, oh, oh, oh. And the guy just pummels them. They're like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, And the guy just pummels them and they're like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Did you see Once Upon a Time in Hollywood?

Yeah, it's awesome. Yeah. And Bruce Winley gets the shit beat out of him by Bruce. Well, it's even. That wasn't even real in the movie, though. You're describing a dream sequence from a movie, so it's doubly not real. It wasn't a dream sequence in the movie. That was a real sequence in the movie.

What martial art would you use if you were going to? What would you practice? Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Okay. So you want to be grappling on the floor? Because you could lay down. That's why. No, you just train your leg to be really strong and then you just kick the guy until his leg gives out. That's what happened to

Conor McGregor fighting, what's his name? The guy just kept kicking Conor McGregor's leg until his legs just didn't work anymore. He's like, well, I fucking lose. No, it was that the one who is like a rapist. The one? Yeah. The one that's like a big rapist.

Define big rapist. The one who 50 Cent challenged to read a book. He rapes fat women. The guy, you remember, 50 Cent was like, I'll give you a million dollars of charity if you can read one. Floyd Mayweather.

Floyd Mayweather, yeah. He's not MMA, though. No, but he was kicking Conor McGregor's leg, I think, in the ring. What? What the fuck are you talking about? No, he just outlasted him. Conor McGregor couldn't go 12 rounds.

For some reason, I thought Conor McGregor lost that fight because his legs went out. Well, out of tiredness. I thought he was getting kicked. I thought he was kicking him. Maybe he was getting kicked. I don't know. I do not know.

I only saw clips of the fight. I obviously did not pay for the pay-per-view. That's my problem. Women fighting in movies. And my problem is fake Chinese martial arts. Well, I'm adding on top of it. Are you going to do two problems? I could do two if we're...

Well, no, because you followed me the whole time about it, so now it became a problem. What? Fake Chinese martial arts? You know what? I'll save it for another show. We'll actually watch some clips. Just say it. I don't want to talk about this fake Chinese martial arts shit again.

Fake Chinese martial arts? Fake Chinese martial arts. What are you saying is fake? That they're not... Because it's all this like... Are you saying your kung fu is superior? All kung fu is garbage. All kung fu is garbage.

It's like... It's just not a valuable martial arts skill. Some of them have like, yes, some techniques that are useful, but at the end of the day, a lot of it. What about Gymkata? I don't know all of them. Pommel horse. Crane style. Yeah.

Snakes and serpents style. You're saying Jackie Chan is a pussy? No, but Jackie Chan's cool for other reasons. I don't think Jackie Chan would win a street fight. Unless he had a ladder and a baby, right? I can too! What do you mean? I mean, yeah. He's like a

70-year-old man. Yeah. Jackie Chan is prime. I think if you actually put him up against a big fighting dude... You know, here's something embarrassing. What? I almost cried in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. Yeah. When Splinter was using, like, tools and shit to fight the bad guys.

Because he wasn't just using... Because he was doing Jackie Chan stuff. I'm like, I can't fucking believe... That movie was awesome, by the way. Oh, the new one? Yeah, the Mutant Mayhem. All that April shit, totally wrong. I still have to see it.

If she would have been hot, it would have totally messed up the movie. She had to be a dork nerd. A mutant. Just like that. She's not a mutant. My only problem with that movie, the same one you had with Barbie, which is that at the end, he says, I'm like Godzilla, like five fucking times in the last 15 minutes. Oh, he does?

When the bad guy turns giant. He's like, it's like Godzilla in this bitch. And I was like, alright. I've heard it four times now. I've heard good things about the TMNT. It's great. When Splinter started fighting and he's doing Jackie Chan, I was like, oh my god.

I can't believe this. It came full circle. I can't believe it. Jackie Chan was great. It's sad that he has that gay daughter who is just apparently homeless or whatever. It's too bad. Okay. What are you going to do? Shit.

I've got two problems that are both really good. You've got to pick one. I'm going to pick the one I already took notes on. Pick the one that's not social media. Yeah, well, I would never do that. You would never stoop to bring not social media yes yeah well i wouldn't i would never you would never stoop to bring in social media you're not a carl or a uh who else tried to bring it in i don't know everyone um is that elementary schoolers failing to play basketball correctly because i have a solution i'm gonna talk about the most untoward personality trait a person

can have. The worst thing you can do. Saying you're going to kill yourself. Suicidal statements. Hey, that's like my go-to. Saying that you're going to kill yourself. This is an anti-Vito problem. Suicide baiting. It's not just you, Vito, but you're part

of the problem for sure. My suicide threats are comical and fun. They all think that. They have to be or else no one will pay attention to them. Exactly. Have you- The best cry for help is disguised as comedy. Have you ever heard the story about the guy who wouldn't stop saying he was going to kill himself and then did?

No. No. It's because it never happens Nobody who says it does it and nobody who does it says it I still think if you gave me odds on boogie I'd consider taking that bad. He's gonna kill himself. No This problem actually yeah, yeah Yeah, no, they never, nobody who says it is going to do it. Nobody who does it ever says

it. We all know someone who's killed themselves. If you've listened to this show, you know at least one who definitely didn't say anything and suddenly was dead one day. Alan. I've never heard of someone not being like,

oh my god, we had no idea Like nobody said it He never told anybody anything He's just suddenly gone Meanwhile the guy who every fucking day I'm just gonna fucking kill myself man It's just not worth it I'm just gonna fucking kill

Lives forever Never goes away I'm trying to think if there's ever been any public suicide declarations. There's only one guy I know of who said that he was going to kill himself a whole bunch of times and then did. And that's Etika. Famous streamer. Happened like five years ago. But he was like, what, schizophrenic basically.

Well, here's the problem. Is that he said he was going to do it. Does that make it easier for you to process? Well, he's the problem, is that he said he was going to do it. Does that make it easier for you to process and be like, well, he's schizophrenic, though. Well, it's just like, you know, when schizophrenics say stuff, it's like, what's actually in their head? They don't have time to play little games. Oh, God. He said, I'm going to leave my Switch on a bridge if anyone wants my Switch.

I went, shit, I wish I was near that bridge. Could have got a free Nintendo Switch. I think that was like a couple days before he killed himself. He's like, hey, I just left my Nintendo Switch under the Brooklyn Bridge. He said he was going to do it. It took a few days before anybody, before he was found. So nobody knew if he really did it and people doubted it because he had said

so many times that he was going to do it and hadn't. So even if you do tell people you're going to kill yourself and you do it all the time, they're not going to believe you when it actually comes time. They're just going to get sick of hearing you say it. Thank God. Finally. Who else is famously threatened

to kill themselves? Boogie. Yeah. Famously? Boogie's a good one. A lot, I'm sure. I wonder if the chat knows any good suicides. I've known many, many people who talk about how they're going to kill themselves all the time they're a big emotional drain on everyone

yeah like me super chat or I'll kill myself the worst the absolute worst you're fucking ruining my grift here by the way I had a good thing going the absolute worst worse than you Vito you you're you're not the worst problem the worst offenders are hot chicks that's true hot chicks. That's true.

Hot chicks who want attention. Yeah. If they say, I'm thinking, I'm just kind of feeling suicidal. Like a man will drop everything going on in his life to be, uh-oh, got to talk to her because she's feeling suicidal. And meanwhile, the next day,'re like doing everything they normally do like i've just seen so much of this so many people i'm like you ever have to like try to talk somebody down from suicide though you ever have like somebody you don't no one ever has to no well

and that's that's the thing i have to no here's the thing what hot chicks will do is what do you mean ever have to like somebody goes you know what i'm just to kill myself and then you've got to talk to them for an extended period of time. This doesn't, no. They're not going to, Vito. They wouldn't have. I know they're not going to, but if you don't. What if they might? Yeah, that's the thing. They won't. Okay, but what if they do, though? If they don't get you to talk to them, they just move to the next person in their fucking

phone until somebody talks to them all night. All I know is that. Or they fucking cut themselves and then they cry because it hurts and then they fucking give up. I've told this story before, okay? Here's the reason you talk to somebody when they say they want to kill themselves is that. Or they fucking cut themselves and then they cry because it hurts. And then they fucking give up. I've told this story before. Okay. Here's the reason you talk to somebody when they say they want to kill themselves. Is that's how you angle to maybe get some of their stuff.

That's the only. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He has said this before. Boogie was supposed to give me. They're not going to do it though. But if Boogie kills himself, we have. They might mess up though. A pack.

Cut a little too deep. You know. Boogie said, I'm going to give everybody some of my stuff. Do you want a dragon statue? I think a lot of these. And I said, yes, Boogie. I want little too deep. Boogie said, I'm going to give everybody some of my stuff. Do you want a dragon statue? And I said, yes, Boogie. I want a dragon statue. A lot of these people are experts. Boogie, if you kill yourself, I talked

to you on the phone for a while. He's giving it all to that skinny bitch. He's selling it all to pay for his fucking girlfriend. I had a good thing going until that girl showed up. I was going to get a bunch of magic cards and a dragon statue. And now Boogie doesn't want to kill himself and I don't get anything. And my friend killed herself and her family never came to me and said, hey, do you want her magic cards or Super Nintendo games?

So I didn't get anything for that either. Did she ever say that she was going to do that before she did? I just feel like if anyone deserves them, you know, based on the connection I had with her. You should have said that you let her borrow your magic cards. Well, you didn't give me that line until like a year later. You've got to be thinking like this all the time, though, man. I should have went to her family. You've always got to be thinking.

I'm sorry for your loss. By the way, I loaned her a lot of Super Nintendo games. A lot of stuff. A lot of stuff. And some panties. You know, don't throw those in. Yeah, I did loan her some panties, the ones that are not washed yet. So if you could send those by FedEx, that would be great.

Yeah. I told you about the eulogy. You could have brought it up then. You could have said, Vito, here's how to get her stuff. It's not my stuff. It's not her stuff either. It's just in the ether now. Could have been my stuff.

Somebody probably got all of her stuff at like a steal. I know. They probably donated it. They probably did. All these magic cards, all these dual lands are bullshit, and they probably threw them in the trash. Fuck. I don't even want the stress of dealing with this

and getting an appraisal. I'm just going to trash it. I'm just going to trash it. Too many emotions. Yeah. The worst part. If all our Super Nintendo games are in a landfill, I feel bad.

If you start calling out somebody who does this, you got a hot girl, you're like, you're not going to kill yourself. You've done this every day. You know a lot of hot girls doing this. At least three come into my mind. Any that we would know of at least one okay she was involved in some domestic situation that was involved that talked about on the

show five or so years ago somebody was about, but she's not like famous enough to really bring up the name. But this is a person who like when she started getting called out on, you know, the fact that she does this routinely and is obviously never going to kill herself, they have to escalate it. They have to make it more threatening. They have to act more insane. They got to cut off an arm.

They got to run out into the streets. They got to scream at the neighbors. They got to fucking, you know, they got to make a big scene. They got run out into the street. They gotta scream at the neighbors. They gotta fucking, you know, they gotta make a big scene. They gotta get the police involved. They gotta hurt themselves in a way that they can try to blame you on so that you'll care more because you didn't care the first.

Just like there's always some more to it. Always some next step if you push against it. My advice is if somebody says to you, I'm gonna kill myself, never speak to that person again. Get them out of your life. They're cool. I mean, fuck first and then stop

talking to them. And if you are somebody who says you're going to kill yourself, shit or get off the pot, coward. We're not encouraging that on this show. We're going to get banned for that. If you're currently experiencing thoughts of suicide, hotlines are available now.

The big irony of people saying that they're going to kill themselves is that the people who I would most want to do it are the ones who won't stop saying it, and they're the ones who won't ever do it. They're the ones we're stuck with forever telling us how we're going to kill ourselves and making us call them at 2 in the

morning for the rest of their fucking lives. I don't think this is a good problem coming from the trans community. Yeah. If you're a trans person who wants to kill yourself, I don't want to fucking hear about it. Why do you think I know so many people who want to

shut up about it? They think it's okay. They think, oh, I'm trans, so it's just okay for me to want to kill myself. No, fuck you. It's not okay for anybody. I don't want to fucking hear about it. 41%. Those are rookie numbers.

We can get that up. Come on. You should all be doing it. Are you saying that you think the 41%- That's fake also. Okay, what's your problem? I can't talk about it? All right, my problem.

I mean- We got enough. You can't talk about it? All right, my problem. I mean... We got enough. How can you not talk about it? Trixie's problem is suicidal threats that are not followed through us. Suicide baiting. Suicide baiting. That's a good one. Yeah, that's a good one.

Saying you're going to kill yourself. It's fun, though. You know. Hey, buddy, I'm going to kill myself. I think it's something a lot of people in this audience deal with. I know for a fact if you're in the Dick Show Discord, you have to deal with someone saying they're going to kill themselves almost every day. We have a saying on this show. Thank you for not killing yourself.

We stand by that saying thank you for not killing yourself. But also, I'll thank you ten times more if you don't say you're going to kill yourself. That's why I have the shirt. Don't do it. And also, don't say you're going to do it. Just don't even think about it. Take it out of your mind. And if you're going to do it, don't shoot even think about it. Take it out of your mind. And if you're going to do it,

don't shoot up a school. Again, there are many government bills. Well, I mean, fuck that. Wait, wait. That's the part I'm okay with. What do you mean? No, no, no. Fuck schools. Alright, well, we've lost this show forever. Just saying, a lot of these people decide buy the shirt. Whatever you do, buy the shirt. Go to my store. Max out your credit cards. Why not?

Buy the $5,000 shirt. Buy your mom a car and bury the information. Let's not try to out-edge each other now. What's your problem? Well, Dick, I've got a story for you. Okay. As we know, I, of course, won the big weight loss challenge. As a man who has slimmed down. You look like a winner.

Thank you. I'm very slender now. I had a long-standing date with a friend of mine to Carbs? Yes. To go to Red Lobster for the endless shrimp feast.

So we go to the Red Lobster. You can eat as much shrimp as you want? Yeah, they just keep bringing you shrimp. It's not good shrimp. This was not a good time for a number of reasons. I will not focus on everything that went wrong. The biscuits are still good. Anyway, so we're looking on the menu.

My buddy, he's a drinker. He likes alcohol. And he's like, oh, hey, they got all these crazy seasonal cocktails here. What? Yeah, seasonal. Pumpkin martinis? Yeah, like he was for some reason focused on wine. So I just suddenly remembered that like the whole reason I brought up that problem was because of Jonathan Major saying he was going to kill himself.

Oh, is Jonathan Major saying he's going to kill himself? Is that Kang? Yeah, Kang. That's why he got kicked out of the MCU. Oh. His fucking texts were like, I thought about killing myself last night because I'm such a bad man. That was the topical reason I brought this in. The texts were bad.

I got so actually angry it slipped my mind. He sucked in it. It was a topical reason I brought this in. The texts were bad. The gang sucked. I got so actually angry and slipped my mind. He sucked in it. It was a good reason to get rid of Kang. I loved him in Loki. He's good in Loki. I do like Loki. So these seasonal drinks. There was one that was I believe it was grapefruit juice

mixed with starry with some cranberry. No, it was white cranberry juice. Starry. Starry. Starry, with some cranberry. No, it was white cranberry juice, Starry. Starry? Starry is the new Sprite. It's the new Sierra Mist. Sierra Mist has been rebranded as Starry. No, it's actually a slightly different flavor.

It is a new soda. Sierra Mist isn't that good. Starry, white cranberry juice, some actual cranberries in there, gold glitter dust, and I don't know, I guess vodka or something. It's like a poor Goldschlager? Yeah, it was like retarded and my buddy knew it was retarded. He's like, that sounds retarded. My buddy's an alcoholic and he's drinking fucking seasonal

red lobster. Normally, normally this is that guy who I gotta go buy weird fucking imported beers at that shitty sandwich store. Okay, alright. He's not an alcoholic then. He's an alcohol enjoyer. He likes different, I then. He's an alcohol enjoyer. He likes different, I don't know, flavor profiles.

Sure. Point is, we look at the menu and he goes, okay, I want one of those things. And we go, well, there's no prices on any of the drinks. There's no prices here. So we go to the waitress. We're like, well, we're not going to just buy it blind. We go, how much is that? And she goes, oh, those are a part of our special,

whatever. They're $7. Like, oh, $7. That sounds fine. Yeah. So all night he's buying these stupid things. He goes, these are stupid, but whatever. They're glittery and fun, whatever. He drank like four of them and the bill comes in. $24. Yeah. They're $14 each or whatever. And we went, well, hold on a second. So my problem is places that don't put the prices on the stuff they are selling. Yeah. Be it menus, be it stores, be it whatever. Even on the internet. Even on the internet.

Get a quote. Click here. Click here to find out. Get a quote for a fucking t-shirt. Just for the record, I ask. No, we did ask. Wait, did they lie? The girl got it wrong. and the worst part is she

She said okay. Well then hold on hold on say to her like shut the fuck up shut the fuck up We Gwen's no, I'm telling the story We went hey, you said these were seven dollars. The bill says they're 14. She says oh, let me go check on that She goes and checks on it comes back. She goes. Yeah, actually I got that wrong Well, and I go take it off. Okay, and she goes yeah, there got that wrong and I go take it off then okay and she goes yeah there's not really anything we can do and I'm like bitch you can't tell us a price

and then just charge more for fun and I'm like can you pay it no we eventually found a manager who like had to find some ancient coupon yeah exactly a man came in and he's like yes this coupon they couldn't even take it off the bill. They're like, well, we found some $20% off coupon.

That'll even it out or whatever else. They couldn't like uncharge you and then just make it uncharged? It was a nightmare. They could do whatever they want. We were there for, we were stuck in a Red Lobster for about three and a half hours.

I wanted to, but my buddy's like a nice guy. I'm like, we can just go. Fuck him. He's like, no, no, like we'll get in trouble. I'm going to kill myself. I should have threatened to kill myself. I'm gonna kill myself. I started looking around We were the only people in the restaurant 30 minutes after they closed I started looking around for shit to steal cuz I was just like well

We're just trapped in a red lobster my friend refuses to leave And there there was no manager No waitress anywhere as they like were rummaging around in the back trying to figure out this bill so are we gonna fucking crunch these numbers yeah they were rummaging around in the back trying to figure out this bill situation. How are we going to fucking crunch these numbers? Yeah. What? I was stuck in a Red Lobster for 30 minutes after closing as they were having some sort of employee meeting in the background being like, listen, we've never dealt with this

before. We don't know how to adjust a bill after the fact. Oh, God. That's a weird thing that you did. I was about to start stealing lobsters out of the tank. I thought that would have been funny. There was nothing to steal in the Red Lobster, sadly. Yeah.

Point is, why would a restaurant not put prices on the menu? The obvious reason is, again, to trick people into a scenario. Oh, yeah. You shouldn't worry about what you're spending. This is a classy establishment. It's a Red Lobster. Yeah, that's a little weird. That's not a classy fucking place to be.

Well, but it is in the eyes of a lot of the people who eat there. Right. Because if you hear very normal people be like, oh my God, he said I could go to Red Lobster

or Olive Garden for my birthday. It's the fanciest place I've ever been. It's classy for poor people to not have a pricey. I think they know that poor people,

if they go into... Why'd you think it would be eight bucks, though? There's no way... She told us! Nah, but you should know better than that. I did.

There's no way a drink with floating gold shit is gonna be eight dollars. Well, that's should know better than that. There's no way a drink with floating gold shit is going to be $8. Well, that's the thing. When she said it was $7 in my head, I went I know that's going to be wrong and I know we're going to have to deal with it at some point. First of all, anytime a woman tells you anything, you say, why don't you go check it again for me?

My buddy was excited to drink glittery Sprite with alcohol in it and I didn't want to deny it to him Okay Because you're so busy fucking shoveling endless shrimp Into your mouth I had a lot of shrimp okay It's not good shrimp I did not enjoy it

You are so unhealthy Endless shrimp is the worst kind of shrimp you can have You son of a bitch you made me eat a pastrami sandwich yesterday And I loved it I don't need this in my life I don't need to like food I'll say this I did avoid all the carbs though. I just ate shrimp.

Because they bring over, it's like, you go, I want a shrimp skewer and a shrimp whatever. And they go, okay, here's your shrimp skewer with a giant pile of rice pilaf. Or here's your shrimp with a giant pile of fettuccine alfredo. And I would just eat the shrimp and be like, can you just bring more shrimp? And they're like, damn it. We almost got it. Do you like having legs?

Eh. Hit or miss. Is what it is. Yeah. I think I could scoot around. I think I'd be a good scootsman. You're not going down the stairs here with your legless diabetes scooter. This doesn't just apply to restaurants, though.

Because I'm a guy and I go to video game stores, specialty retailers. And they don't list the prices? No. They used to list the prices. In a video game store? Yeah, these days now, because it's all an eBay game. They don't care. They're so worried about losing $5 on the sale

that they could have got on eBay. They're like, well, the price might change in three hours. Yeah, exactly. So we've got to be ready for the exact right now latest eBay. So you can't even browse to try to find a deal. You have to go, how much is that one? And they go, well, I'll go look it up for you. And you're like, yeah, okay.

And they look it up. I went to a game store in Vegas. What is even the appeal of this? Why don't you just go on eBay if you want to buy a bunch of shit? No, that's all I do now. Yeah. I don't even go to these stores anymore because this is what it's morphed into. Okay.

I went to a store in Vegas called We Play Games. I will call them out by name because I was like, there, that PSP game. Jean D'Arc, The Adventures of Joan of Arc is a tactical RPG adventure for my Sony PSP. Online, I know that sells on eBay for about $50, but perhaps I'll get a deal from this gentleman. I go, how much

is Jean D'Arc for the PSP? He goes, hold on, I'll look it up. About 20 minutes later, as I'm just looking around the store, I'm like, well, he'll get a price eventually. I'm sure he'll find a fair deal. He comes back and he goes, that'll be $90. And I went, you know what?

I'm just going to buy things online now. There's no point to any of this. Just don't buy it. Well, I didn't buy it. Don't buy it. Well, I can't not do that. I need all sorts of garbage. Yeah.

Why don't you give him a price? I'll give you $70 for this John Doe thing. I said, I think I can get that online for about 50. And he went, listen, you little piece of shit. He actually was really mad when I said that to him. He didn't use exactly that. He was like, well, we have very fair prices here, sir. You never know.

You might catch them slipping. They might look up the price wrong. But again, it's a big waste of time. Point is. Sell me this for 50 bucks or I'll kill myself. You tried that? It's not a bad ploy. I should try that.

I have a whole lot of shit. Yeah. And I kind of just want to show up at your house with all of it and leave it with you. I'll probably drown it. You can give me like 25% of whatever you sell it on. I have a plan. He doesn't sell it. No, I am going to sell it.

I finally have a plan. I finally have a plan. You know, I've been sitting on all those video game consoles. I assume so. I have like a hundred different video game consoles. I have NES, Sega, Genesis, Super Nintendo, whatever. What else? Sega Saturn. Okay, what else? I got some PSPs. I got some Game Boys.

What else? TurboGrafx in there? I don't have any TurboGrafx. I do. I know you do. Oh, nice. I got the CD thing too. I've never owned a TurboGrafx. there? I don't have any TurboGrafx. I do. I know you do. Oh, nice. I got the CD thing, too. I've never owned a TurboGrafx. Never? That was a good system. What about a PC Engine?

I've never owned a PC Engine. What about a Neo Geo? I don't have any. I have a Neo Geo Arcade. I know you have a WonderSwan. It's not as good. I do have a WonderSwan and a Swan Crystal, but those are for me. I don't have any extras.

It's like a handheld. It's like a Game Boy made by the guys who make Gundam. So it had a lot of Gundam games on it. Actually, it was Bandai, right? Yeah, Bandai WonderSwan. It must be, yeah. The point is, I have all these game consoles. I do have a Whatnot account. I don't remember what it is, but we're going to have Vito Giswaldi's Wheel of Consoles.

I think it'll be $80. Every $80 you get to spin the wheel. It's gambling. It is gambling, yes. Can't do that. Well. And whatever it lands on, alright, you might get a PlayStation 1 with a bunch of Final Fantasy

games. You might get a Wii U. I have an extra Wii U now. You're going to jail. I'm not going to jail. If you set it up as a raffle, is that illegal? It is basically a raffle. No, you can have raffles. No, that's illegal. It is not illegal. You cannot buy raffle tickets.

Well, everybody on Whatnot is running raffles, so I don't know what to tell you. I've done a few through YouTube streams, but we won't talk about it, I guess. Okay, you're doing illegal stuff, then. Buy Vito's shit. It's going to be doing illegal stuff, then. Buy Vito's shit. It's going to be a one-night adventure. The Vito Casino.

And the prices will be properly labeled. $80 a spin. I might offer... $80? You're going to jail, dude. It's a game console with a bunch of games. You don't just get the consoles. You'll get like a PS2.

Somebody cannot get anything, right? No, you always get a console. Is that the same as gambling? If you always win something? No, that's why it's not gambling. Because you always get something. It's like a mystery box. I wouldn't do it.

It's a mystery box. It's a mystery box. Thank you. Oh, it's a mystery box. That's a thing. Vito's mystery box extravaganza. Yeah, that's why it's not a raffle. Yeah, like those grab bags.

Call it a grab bag. It's a grab bag. Yeah, you can do grab bags. They do that at all the conventions. Sounds like a fucking scam. It's not going to be a scam. Why don't you work on it a grab bag. It's a grab bag. Yeah, you can do grab bags. They do that at all the conventions. Sounds like a fucking scam. It's not going to be a scam. Why don't you work on your comic instead of this shit? Because my house is too full of shit to do anything.

I got to get all this shit out of there. Just throw it away. I'm not throwing it away. It's worth money. Put it on eBay. You don't have to be like- Yeah, but you're telling me that when you made your- When you put it on the eBay, it takes forever to sell.

You're telling me when you- Or you get nothing for it. Vito, you're telling me when you made your campaign, you didn't account for studio space in your budget or a place that you could do the comic in made your campaign, you didn't account for studio space in your budget? Or a place that you could do the comic in? I mean, I have a desk that I work at. It's just I didn't anticipate that it would be covered in Moe dogen garbage that I keep in my stack. Who covered it?

You did that. You did it to the place that you were going to buy it? Moe means what? Cute? Pedophile shit? Pretty much, yeah. Essentially, yeah. It means like burning.

No, not essentially. Don't say essentially. Moe is like cute culture. But it also means like budding. Budding sexuality? I didn't know that. Oh, yeah, that sounds better. Budding and burning.

It's like a mix of the two. It's the burning in your loins at seeing a little girl. Do you try to scam people out of 80 bucks and give them like shitty consoles? Well, it's not a scam because some of the packages are going to be worth like 150 bucks But most are going to be worth like nothing The average will be whatever the average is. Trash Well you won't pay more than the average

So yeah you have like a chance of like losing 20 bucks a dollar. It just sounds like you're just like repacking your own Pokemon cards. Oh no one's ever done that before. That's not a vibrant fucking image eBay has like a million listings for fucking repacked Pokemon cards. But why are you trying to get people who listen to this show to like get scammed? It's fun.

It's not a scam. And you're gonna get like fun... I'll put like little tchotchkes in there. I'll give you whatever you want. You want some Vito pins? Not really. Yeah, I know you don't, but maybe other people do. The point is... It sounds like a scam. I'm gonna get rid of it all in one go. It's not a scam. Why don't you just throw it away?

Why would I throw it away? Because it's trash. The problem is, like, I was going to ask, like, would you buy these things? Then I remember, like, Vito would buy anything. You would buy. Yeah, I would. Yeah. Of course.

Of course. Yeah. I love this shit. That's all I'm on Whatnot doing is buying garbage. You're just going to buy more shit, though. Like, you can't stop. Yeah, I know. You're buying this hentai pedophile stuff.

You're going to just sell consoles and buy more pedophile stuff. I got buying this hentai pedophile stuff. You're going to just sell consoles and buy more pedophile stuff. I got to get rid of a lot of stuff. But this is going to be fun. Just throw it away. I'm not going to throw it away.

Let me get the guys from Hoarders to come over to your house. It'll be the most violent episode of Hoarders yet. I'm the therapist. I wear eyeliner

all the way around my eyes and put on way too much eyelash mascara. I got to get rid of some of this stuff. We're going to have the Vito. I got to start selling, and I will start selling. There's guys. I'm going to bring Dr. No and the hoarder guys to your house at the same time.

I'm going to make my living room. It's going to be like a little area with a web camera set up so I can just sell until everything's gone that I don't want. What about your fucking comic? When's that coming out? That's still happening. I can do both. What? your fucking comic? When's that coming out? That's still happening. I can do both. Is there a stage of the comic you're working on that we're waiting on

or is it just like other people? We are in the stage of right now the artist is drawing it. So the script is done? Yeah, I'm writing the second issue right now. Okay. So you are not holding up issue number one is what you're saying? No.

It's a process. I have to have the artist draw it and then- You don't just render 3D stuff? No. A guy has to actually draw it. That's the thing is everyone's like, well, why don't you just go work on your comic? I'm like, what do you want me to do? Drive to the artist's house and put a gun to his head so he draws faster?

Yeah. Threaten to kill yourself. I'll threaten to kill myself if he doesn't draw faster. By New Year's, I'm going to kill myself. It's an assembly line process, and he's at a different part of the process, so I'm like, okay, that means I can work on the second one, which is great. What's the second one about? The second one is more, you know, I don't know.

What do you mean, what's it about? Well, we don't even know what the first one's about. Yeah, exactly. I don't want to spoil. The guy who kills superheroes, what's it about? It's another. Aquaman or some shit? I don't know.

The draft I read was mostly about hanging out in a diner, so I don't know exactly what the story's about. Who's he killing? Green Lantern? I'm not going to tell you who he's killing. What's going on? He's got to kill himself? He's got to kill himself.

Because I'm the ultimate superhero. I can tell you issue three will definitely be the Sailor Moon chapter, and I have that very well planned out. The Sailor Moon chapter. Yeah. That one's gonna be great. Is he killing Isam? So you have chapter three really planned out, but not chapter two. Chapter two is... But something

has to happen in chapter two to get to chapter three, so you need chapter two, but you're not sure how exactly it plays out yet. Am I reading this right? Here's what it is. Is that chapter one goes, here's what's going on, kind of. Chapter two goes, here's what's completely going on

and now you completely understand the premise and now we can move on to the rest of the adventures. It's just the boys. No, there's more to it than that. I already know what's going on. It's just the boys by Vito. You know it because I've told you but the reader has to know.

You don't realize how convoluted this comic could truly be. What would you call it? Chapter two is a lot of necessary exposition. Number two, yeah. Yeah, and then once that's out of the way, then move on to some zany- More exposition. Zany shit.

No, the exposition will be done by the end of chapter two. Okay. All right, so your problem is- And then it'll just be old school Rick and Morty adventures. It'll just be classic old school Rick and Morty adventures. Classic old school Rick and Morty adventures. 100 years. Oh man, I hate the new Rick and Morty. It is

very hit or like missed by a million miles. Yeah. That Fearhole episode I was like, ooh. It's like, wow, this is Where am I doing here? This is gonna only appeal to Morty fans. I realize that, why is that show? It's like a Christmas episode of Sesame Street. It's so bad. Well,

they're trying to be Black Mirror now, I guess? Yeah. And I'm like, okay, so it's a funny Black Mirror. I don't think that's, Black Mirror's already kind of funny. Am I replaceable? Like, you knew that in season two. That's like a major driver of the show. What are you talking about?

I think they need to do more Star Trek type stuff, like more weird moral situations. Honestly, the spaghetti episode was kind of good. I think they need to stop making Rick and Morty. Yeah. It's over. It's done. Let it die. I kind of thought that the last episode was like a statement on Justin Roiland, and that's

what they were. I haven't seen the newest episodes. Morty faces his greatest fear, and it's what they were I haven't seen the newest episodes Morty faces his greatest fear and it's if he's replaceable to Rick and he is replaceable

stupid right because Justin is the whole point of the show but I think it was a statement on Justin Roiland I think they already had it in production before

I mean maybe they knew he was on the way out I don't know all I know is it sucks it sucked okay what's your problem my problem is not enough people watching my wheel of consoles. No, it's no prices on something.

No prices on the menu. No prices. I do hate that. If I walk into a place and I don't see prices. Well, not just on the menu, just lack of prices. It's especially the alcohol. Missing price tags. How's that?

Missing price tags? Missing prices. No prices. Unlisted prices. Unlisted prices. Unlisted prices. Because, yeah, on the website, you got to put it in your cart to get the price. That's another good one. Unlisted prices.

Yeah, like when they're selling those kids, the child porn on Etsy. I keep trying to buy cheesepizza.zip for $9,000, and it keeps not telling me. What the fuck's the price? So, hey, just give me the fucking price over here. I want afghanchildeatingpizza.rar and I want it now. All right, suicide baiting. And I will pay any price. What was mine?

Women fighting in movies. Women fighting in movies. Women fighting. Okay, go to biggestproblem.show to vote on the problems. Trixie, how do we find your new show? Comments on comments. And also, listen to my other show, We Watch Anime, if you watch anime. I do it with Bird.

Bird's also usually on Comments on Comments. Do we find that on your channel? On YouTube? On YouTube. If you search Comments on Comments on YouTube, it will come up. I'm uploading it to multiple channels. I'm very much expecting to be taken off of YouTube because I'm just shitting on commenters who really don't like that usually.

Comments on comments. It's also on Rumble. I will get it on Spotify this weekend. Fantastic. Guys, don't forget our new bonus episode, The Biggest Problem in Holidays. The Holiday Special 2023 is now at patreon.com slash biggestproblem as well as back.by slash biggestproblem.

We learned a lot about Kwanzaa, which I found fascinating. And we get your super chats in now and vote on all the problems at our website, biggestproblem.show. I can't believe you're going to be running that illegal lottery with video games. It's not an illegal lottery. It is a legal

raffle, which is being run according to an illegal raffle. It is definitely legal and it will be run according to all the laws and regulations of California. How is it different than just gambling? Because gambling, you can- Hey, give me $100. Maybe I'll give you $50.

Maybe I'll give you $200. All right, here's $100. Is Nick Rikita in the audience? Do we need to drag him in here and talk about this? Bro, it's not illegal. Is there actualized rock? You need the rock star lawyers. Yeah, the rock star lawyers.

I need some rock stars. How do you think it's not gambling? Because I add up the price of all the items. Here, give me 10 bucks. And then if I flip this coin, if it's heads, you get 11 bucks. If it's tails, you get nothing. Well, I'll put 50 on that. Wait, which one's heads?

Tails, you lose. Fuck. You put fucking 50 bucks down. That was an illegal raffle. That was an illegal raffle. Tails you lose fuck I'm talking to the state they gave me my money back. You know so I if I was gonna flip it either way Shut down your illegal raffle That's what you're doing, but with video games and like bunch of extra steps. It's illegal. No, everyone's doing it on this site. You can do it. You just average out the cost.

You're going to be doing coke while you're doing it to make it extra illegal? I would like to get a fun little carnival barker outfit, you know? Spin the wheel! Get a prison outfit. Because you're going to fucking jail, bro. Welcome to Vito's illegal raffle.

Let's do it. That's funny. Not let's. You. I'm telling you because you're going to fucking jail, bro. Welcome to Vito's illegal raffle. Yeah, it is. Let's do it. That's funny. Not let's, you. I'm telling you wisely not to do it. I'm Dick Masterson, and welcome to the Wheel of Fun. Remember, if you get ripped off during this game, send all inquiries to Dick Masterson. They won't know.

There you go. All right. Hey, guys, it's DP. I don't know why Everybody hates on Black Santa I have a Black Santa Memory and it's my Fucking favorite

Holiday memory period I used to be the Signing Santa For the deaf And hard of hearing So I'd go to the mall One year And I would be Santa

Those little shits Would come over And they'd sign What they fucking wanted I'd sign Twas the night Before Christmas Etc

And one year They said, hey. What? Those little shits. How is he making like, he's doing like sign language is Santa for deaf kids and he's making it sound all tough. These little fucking shits would come over and sign and I'd sign like have a happy new year. It's like, it's the most wholesome thing I've ever heard in my fucking life.

That's a good point. Our audience feels the need to prove their masculinity to us. Oh, my God. Okay. You can be vulnerable on this show. We have somebody who used to be in the program that wants to try and be Santa. And I was like, fucking great. That's awesome.

I feel really good about this. Also, my kids are always pissed about not seeing me there with Santa. So I go. And it's black Santa. this also my kids are always pissed about not seeing uh seeing me there with santa so i go and it's black santa yeah and the fun thing about sign language is especially with children is there's really no way to whisper sign language so there's all these fucking kids blatantly signing that's not basketball why is he black where's the real santa and this guy is a sweating fucking bullet. Now you say black guy in sign language.

My greatest fucking holiday memory ever is black Santa. Oh, it's like the boondocks. Why is Santa dark as Arnix? No, child, please. Can I just sign over here with you for a minute? That's pretty great. I've never brought in any of my Santa pictures, huh? Of you with little kids in your life?

Wow. Tweet that next year. There's one out there. I think we have one or two photos somewhere. You're making me wish I brought in my other problem. What was that? Non-offending pedophiles. I'm so glad you did not bring in that problem. Next time. Next time. I'm going to be Santa not bring in that problem Next time

Next time I'm gonna be Santa I wanna be Santa again I think I should do it again Okay Just a day Yeah Let's set up a biggest problem Santa scenario

And everybody can come by Like a pop-up? Yeah, we'll do it on the Downtown Do it downtown People can come by and throw shit at you Get a little frown If they pay money, yeah

Alright Sing songs People can come by and throw shit at you. Get a little from. They pay money, yeah. All right. Sing songs. The biggest problem in the universe is fat overconfidence. Uh-oh. Which is when a big fat ass loses, I don't know, 30, 31.4 pounds or something in that ballpark. Sure. And then the second they do that, all they talk about is how, oh, you know, all my fans are rooting for me,

and they're counting on me to lose all this weight. So that's why, you know, I have to eat broccoli for dinner every night and drink a gallon of cranberry broth. I'm never going to eat anything honest ever again. I'm going to cry. It's about weight loss. Fuck you, Vito. God damn it.

You did inspire me to gain five pounds. Good. I'll keep it up. I'll be eating broccoli every night. I do. When are you getting the breast implants? I'll put some weight on. I've got.

What size are you aiming for? What size are you aiming for with the chest? I have to figure out how far the estrogen takes me first. How much longer does that take? Like a year. I haven't been on it for that long. I've only been doing estrogen for about six months. Because I couldn't...

You're not doing bottom surgery though, are you? No. Okay, good. But somebody made me homemade estrogen that I take topically. There you go. On the chest area. No, actually on the leg. Because apparently on the chest you can get breast cancer really easily.

Don't do that. That would be bad. What would be your ideal? Homemade, like Kethel's? Homemade, like I met a girl who makes her own estrogen. And she did it in like an hour and a half of chemistry. Seemed like a trustworthy autistic, so I was like, all right. I mean, I can't even criticize that.

See, I got these. These are all natural, baby. You can tell I, look, there is some tit going on here. You can tell it's happening. Have you thought about perhaps going to Red Lobster and doing the endless shrimp? Because that's how I got these babies. I've actually never been to Red Lobster. Don't go.

I've never heard anything good about it. The only good thing about it is those fucking biscuits and you can just make them at home. But I understand the pastrami out here in California is on a different level. Go to the Hat. Go to the Hat. The Hat is good. I went to a place called Angelo's down in Oceanside near San Diego yesterday. Yeah, that's good.

If you for some reason find yourself near the hat, get a pastrami sandwich. Or chili cheese fries. It's not too far from me. It's like, yeah, Pasadena. Vito lives in it. Well, that's the problem is I live next to the hat. So at any point in time I go, I want a giant pot of love. Vito, wait, wait, wait.

Vito, you have such a fucking easy solution because in the six months that you lost 30 pounds barely, Ethan Ralph lost like 60 or 100. He's got nothing to do. He's stuck in Mexico. But all he does is eat one torta per day, which, by the way, I don't know if you remember this. I was 190.

I lost 50 pounds in six months. I ate one sub every day and nothing else same diet Vito's been eating one everything you eat one sandwich a day and you will lose weight very fast I can't do the torta diet, tortas are disgusting

what the fuck is eat one pastrami sandwich a day if it's just one sandwich a day you will lose weight, I promise if you can eat just one pastrami sandwich an will lose weight. I promise. If you can eat just, I mean, obviously 2,000. Eat one pastrami sandwich an hour. That's what I'm hearing.

And I will stick to that. You could eat on estrogen. I'll tell you this. How about that? How about the estrogen? Vito, you could eat 15 times a day as long as the calorie count is under 1,500. Like you would still lose a significant amount of weight. Oh, is that how it works?

1,500 or 15,000? 1,500. 2,000 is the normal amount of calories to eat in a day. This is intriguing. Here's an idea. How about everyone who listens to the show, why don't you all right now direct message me your diet advice like you've been doing for the past six months?

Vito, Vito, everyone else can suck my fucking girl dick. I don't give a fuck what they think. I lost 50 fucking pounds in six months, Vito. I'm telling you I did it by counting the calories. Alright, I'll just eat one fucking estrogen sandwich every fucking day until I become a woman. I didn't have estrogen until six months ago. I will eat the estrogen sandwich. If that's what

you want, fine. You don't need the estrogen. The estrogen will make you get fatter. You don't know. Maybe the estrogen is what's working. You think anybody's gonna pay to get you weighed today? Estrogen's supposed to make you fatter. We're not doing a weigh-in today. Not even if someone pays 50 bucks? No. That's the bit, though. I don't want to ruin anyone's holidays. Are you scared that you gained weight or that you lost weight?

How could you do that to the people? You said 50 bucks and you would weigh yourself. Save it for next show. Wait, Vito, I'll tell you. They already paid. They're going to charge a bag. No, they can't charge a bag. We'll save it for the next show. We'll have one saved and reserved. How is that you're going to just save it forever?

Oh, that's chicken shit. Some people do need to follow your example. There's no honor in that. I know people who under-eat. I know people with the opposite problem who need to take a lesson from you. Is this the Vito's diet show? Is this every episode? We did the weigh-in. After the weigh-in

I was like, thank God! Every episode we don't have to talk about my fucking diet or what I weigh, okay? This has become this running You did this. All you had to do was a normal weight loss and you wouldn't stop drinking. And they didn't then do another

ten fucking years of weight loss challenges. It was over. It's the amount you seem to care but you care in while all but like you care in the direction of like i super care about not losing like i care or about like yeah because you're addicted i've lost food i've lost at least 20 pounds no way no way you've lost 20 pounds now you're probably at 310 you're probably back at 300 i went to the doctor this week what doctor i fucking i don't know. A doctor.

What kind of doctor? Just like general practitioner. Why? Because it was a check. You do it like once a year. It's like a check-in or whatever. Check-up. Why?

I got a flu vaccine. I still have the Band-Aid on. Oh, for vaccine stuff. Got to get vaccinated, of course. Liberal Biden stuff. I got double vaxxed, triple vaxxed. They weighed me in. I was at 290, which is fine.

No way. Just 20 pounds that I've lost. What if they pay 50 bucks? You're not gonna weigh yourself? No. A slap right in the face of the... It's a slap right in the face of the audience. I have to go to the bathroom. My Christmas present is that I don't want to think about my weight today, okay?

We'll do it in the new year. No one needs to know this. It's not important. Okay? Alright, Vito. We'll do it in the new year. No one needs to know this. It's not important. Okay? All right, Vito. Why is every voicemail from me? The reason people hate fucking surrogacy isn't because, oh, we just don't want gay babies. That is what it is. Nobody gives a fuck about that.

Yes, it is. You know how annoying it is when people talk about their kids? Now, every single parent that's gone through surrogacy. No, it's about gay people. about their kids. Now, every single parent that's gone through surrogacy has to have their villain monologue, tragic background story every time they talk about a child. Whether it's, oh, they didn't want us to have kids

because we're gay, or, well, my husband's fucking swimmers are retarded and only go backwards. There's always stuff. You have to hear the whole fucking backstory every time somebody brings up kids. It's fucking annoying. Nobody fucking cares about it. And they make you sit through it every fucking time.

It has nothing to do with gay parents. It has everything to do with, oh, I have to tell you my fucking traumatic story. That's why. Fuck you. See you next Friday. No, it's about gay people. It's mostly about gay people. I don't like surrogacy, but I don't really care that much.

The people who really care are mostly men. Mostly it's about gay people. Okay, every comment is, well, they're only doing that so they can molest that child. And I'm like, you really don't think there's any gay guy who goes, hey, I would like to experience fatherhood. That would be fun. You think every gay guy just all day long is going, I can't wait to fuck something? I mean, yeah, that's half of it.

Yeah, but there's plenty of guys for them to fuck. There's plenty of guys for them to fuck. They don't need to adopt a kid or surrogate a kid. Stepdads, I think, are raping little girls. You gotta be suspicious of them, too, but not too suspicious. Well, the fact that you have to- Mostly they're good. Like, a stepdad, you're like, alright, I'm keeping my eye on you, but you're probably good.

If you have to keep reposting the same news article of the one gay couple that did horrible things to children, and you don't really have any other examples, maybe that's because the rest of them are not trying to do that thing that those other two bad guys did. Yeah. Maybe. All right. I'm suspicious of any guy that's not genetically related to a kid. Yeah.

I'm suspicious. Stepdad, gay dad, whatever. Even if they are genetically related, like liking children, weird. You should be at best tolerating your children. You're getting into the black area, Vito. Like, I know I have to. Right. I was at the right part.

Sorry. I know that I must appreciate my children, or else they will not be able to survive this world, but that doesn't mean I have to be, like, obsessed with them. You guys should argue about something normal while I'm gone. I think that we should teach children how to play basketball, especially Japanese elementary schoolers. Guys, get your super chats in now.

They are into that. Have you watched that show? I have seen Rokubu. I really, I was watching a clip because everybody was ripping on me for accidentally buying that. Well, not accidentally buying it, whatever. You can play as that girl in a fighting game. I saw that, and she throws basketballs at people or something.

Bunko Fighting Climax. I'm the only fan of that game. That's got a bunch of anime people in that game. Yeah. Anyway, I watched the clip, and it's just little Japanese girls playing basketball, and I'm like, I just want black voice actors to go, pass me the rock! Pass me the rock!

Come on, get it in here! Get it in here! Spin move, motherfucker! Bounce pass! It would definitely make it a lot more watchable. I might make that video. Do you want to do that? I don't know if I'm allowed. the rock come on get it in here get it in here spin move motherfucker bounce pass it would definitely make it a lot more i want i might make that video do you want to do i don't know if i'm allowed yeah i would love to do a fan dub yeah i want to do a fan dub of this basketball i mean yes it is licensed and it does have a real dub i think if that won't stop do dragon ball z abridged for it yeah yes the problem is i really i really want to say the n word though i want to be like

damn it n word pass you, pass me that rock. No, I'm not going to stop you. You can do whatever you want. I think it's voice acting. It's okay. We got rumble, right? Yeah, we got rumble. Kevin Fletcher.

We're talking about making little girls say the N-words in our fandom. Yeah, we're going to fan dub that basketball anime. I think it'll be funny. He told us to argue about normal things. Instead, we started agreeing emphatically about strange things. The total opposite. Kevin Fletcher for five. In before Koof, thank you for not killing yourselves.

Kevin Fletcher wins the thank you for not killing yourself award. Do you know what Koof's other big motto is? What? He spams the... I know he wants me to say this is why I'm bringing it up, but he spams, I'm a literal pedophile like all the time. Koof says that? Yeah. Koof, don't do that. Like massive, I am a literal pedophile, like, all the time. Koof says that? Yeah. Koof, don't do that.

Like, massive, I am a literal... Why would you say that on this show from your mouth? Everyone is just going to... It's really funny. Why do you say anything? What are you talking about? You make money this way. I know.

I'm fucking... I have a normal job. I have to say way crazier shit. You didn't answer my question, what size boobs do you want? Is that even something you've considered? That's a good point. You didn't answer that. I guess it...

Big or not big? I would want to scale up slowly. You have a slender frame. You can't go too big. They're going to be packed in there. I have a slender frame, but I have a huge torso is the problem. There's not a lot of skin there. It's a very long torso, so it would have to go fairly low.

Yeah. You want hangers. Yeah, hangers. Okay. And they'll probably come in pretty separate. Okay. I think, so. Well, keep us updated.

I want to know. I will. Cool for five. Thank you for being late and gay. I suck cocks. Merry Christmas to you all. But most importantly, thank you all for not killing yourselves. Caseman for a big 20.

Hey, Dick, would you be willing to go on at Speed Street Pod, hosted by Connor Daly? Episode 108 is coming up. It would be fun to hear about your Indy 500 experience. You spoke about Connor in episode 117 of The Dick Show. Sure, yeah. Okay, let's make it happen. 108, always 108, yes. Trip the Deep for five says,

Chike it up, whatever that means. Chair Dolph Sittler for two. What does that mean? Don't listen to Renown Zero. He's a Hamas member. He is a Hamas member, and he can't do one sit-up. Have you does that mean? Don't listen to Renown Zero. He's a Hamas member. He is a Hamas member. And he can't do one sit-up. Have you seen that guy?

He keeps saying that George from Drunken Peasants is fat. And then you're like, yeah, but he's skinnier than you. George? What's the name of the... What's the two guys on Drunken Peasants? Oh.

Oh, the disrespect that you show them. It's George. It's Billy the Fridge and what's the other one? Ben. Well, why is his name George on the fucking thing? Ben Pie

Oh shit did I just fuck something up? I think I just fucked up Alright that was the guest The guest was George Speaking of which I was on the Drunken Peasants Did you and George have a nice chat? Shut up I was talking to what's his name?

Doug Doug Tenample What's his name? Doug. Doug Tenample. What's his name? The Earthworm Jim guy. Yeah. And he said he would come on our show next time. He says he's from California, so next time he's in town. Yeah, he's a big deal. He's a Hollywood heavyweight, man. Wow. He made a lot of great stuff.

Yeah. He's made a lot of money doing his NFTs made him a ton of money. Yeah. And now he's doing the, he got his YouTube channel back, surprisingly, but they took all his subscribers away. Yeah. He asked, he said that Superkiller's success was mostly my fault. Yeah. I was watching.

He asked, he said, well, how much of that money is because of Dick Masterson? It wasn't really a question, though. It was like a question that was a statement. Well. He was basically saying that i deserve all the all the credit it's not it's not that you deserve all the credit but the the fact is obvious that doing a weekly podcast allows people to get to know me and the podcast would not exist without you so obviously i give you credit for uh you know the successful crowdfunding campaign yeah he phrased it in a funnier way than you just did now. He did phrase it in a funnier way where he said,

Dick Maddix is the reason you're successful. And you were like, whoa! No, I did not do that. You looked like somebody just found your hard drive. Now, Dick, how much of that money you've made is because of Maddix? All of it. I've made this show happen, though. You're making money from this show.

See, see, Vic. Coping. Are you all right? You know what? The correct answer was all of it. I'll quit the show and you can have Trixie be your co-host. How's that? I'll quit the show.

Show suicide baiting. Vito, you said like seven times as many words as I have on this show. I think you're a perfectly fine co-host. I thought it was a funny joke. I thought it was ridiculous that he would say something like that. Yeah, how dare he? Anyway. With George. He did, I did,

I went on the show to try and get him to give me a poll quote for the book. And his poll quote was like, it started good, but then it was like... Then he started rambling. I'm like, no, no, no, cut it off, cut it off. This isn't church, man. I was like, just say, I don't know what super killer is, and I hope you find Jesus. Because I'll put that on the bottom of the book.

Chair doll for another five. Toxic Exposer slash Theo Lee Ronan is a guy named Michael Lawrence Parks who is literally a registered offender of the sexual type. Because he wrote Sasterix Offender. I think this is one of Eric's defenders that people have been arguing with on Twitter.

He's a sex offender and he got caught with sexual conduct with a minor? Whoa! Let me see. Sastric Sascarola. I think he was named. He was EO? Okay. Oh, well, don't say it.

Don't say it. He was arguing with Tony TGD and Tony who, don't fuck with Tony TGD is something I very quickly learned is he's like, oh, here's your, by the way, here's your sex offender registry profile. And I'm like, damn, that's a, I think you win any argument if you get the guys. Somebody linked me in chat. Well, he's got the picture of him clearly in jail. What is that? Oh, I don't know.

I don't know what that is. He's a guy from the fighting game community. So I guess that's why he's known. The one thing the fighting game community always comes together for is a good Michael Theo Lee Ronan parks dunk when he tries randomly attacking people. Here is his mugshot. What's the mugshot for, though?

Well, that's the thing, is I don't know what he was... I guess randomly attacking people? Super chat more information, so we know. Please, tell us everything with money. Don't fucking cram it in to $5. I don't know if you guys can see this response.

I can't read if there's not color behind the text. Oh, yeah, I should have molested your child instead. Whoa! Oh, my God! Damn! Whoa! Somebody said to this guy, they said, hey, well, maybe you shouldn't have done the felony and people wouldn't give a shit about it.

Yeah, I should have molested your child instead. Oh, my God! I guess I should have molested your child instead. That's not usually a good way to handle people bringing up your previous felony conviction. I mean, it is the most intense. It is based, actually.

It's a good comeback. It's a good comeback. Yeah, it's really good. It's a good comeback. There's leaning into it. I'm jealous that he even has the ability to use a phrase like, well, I've never molested anybody, so a minute, wait a minute. Do you want to show this guy? Yeah, don't touch it.

I couldn't even threaten this. So I believe this guy, again, is one of Eric's big supporters. I could be wrong. What the fuck? Even his mugshot is like a sexy mugshot. Yeah, he looks like he's like, hmm. He's got that look like he did something wrong. If I got arrested for picking up a prostitute, that's how I would look.

If I got arrested for raping a kid, I might look a little... I got arrested for beating up my girlfriend, and I looked good. You know? That is cool. I just beat her up, apparently. Thank you for informing us on the great Theo Lee Ronan.

You accidentally clicked on the basketball. Basketball. JJ for two says, call Winston live on air and tell me one. I don't know what he's doing right now. Mike Nelson for five. Vito must do a hibachi mukbang to celebrate losing 30 pounds. I haven't been to a Korean barbecue in a while.

When's the last time you went to Korean barbecue? Racist. A couple months ago. Probably. Hey, where'd you do bar trivia? I want to do bar trivia. You lost by a second. You lost by what?

Two points? Lost by a couple. Are you good with music? Music questions? No. No, music statements. Yeah. No, I'm good with music statements.

What are you good at? Nah, pop culture bullshit. Nothing. I'm good at history stuff, I think. Oh, yeah? History of pop culture? The most deadly female sniper in history was a Russian one. You looked that up just now.

Yeah, but I knew it was a Russian. When did the pneumatic tubes in the stock exchange happen? Oh. That would have to be 1924. Wrong. What was it? 1853. Stock market was going on.

Oh, my God. Well, yeah, I'm bad on that one. I guessed it. I guessed 1922. I lost. Oh, shit. The head-to-head second place. They knew night.

Did the other guy know? 1850? It was a woman. It was a fat woman. And he's like, all right, you win. And she goes, oh, what was the answer? And I said, why don't you calm down? You already won.

I just want to know for next time. I'm like, this fucking bitch. Was it like who was closest Without going over or something? It was just who was closest I said 1920 She said 1950 It was 1953 You would think 1920

Was like the roaring 20s You know That was when the stock market Was going hard right? Well you'd be wrong That's what I thought It's a good guess I would have thought

The stock market crashing Was what caused The Great Depression Or whatever right? Wasn't that a part of it? Did that not exist, I guess? Yeah, but the Roaring Twenties was like money, money, money, money. Flappers and fun.

Right, well, I'm saying, but you said the stock market didn't exist until the 50s? 1850. 1850, okay. Not 1950. Sorry. Nomini for two says my three favorite men. I know what you're doing.

Come on. Jacob Buckingham for two. Yeah, you're a woman. Fuck you, Nomini. Honestly, it's two women and one man. Fight me, IRL. Jacob Buckingham for 20. The biggest problem in the universe is when one earbud is quieter than the other.

Nomini. That's a good one. That's tinnitus. I'm annoying for 10. I got the super rare golden McNugget buddy day. I still have not gotten any McNugget. What? There's golden McNugget buddies? Yeah, there's like different ones. Oh. If you're gonna buy... You can't just get like a $3 kids meal to get them. You got to buy like one of those stupid like $10 ones.

I'm a chameleon. Just buy them on eBay. Buy them on eBay. Buy them on whatnot. Don't buy shit on eBay. Buy them on Vito's fucking casino. Buy them on Vito's. Welcome to Vito's casino.

I'm going to call it Vito's casino. That's pretty good. $80 a spin. You could win a Nintendo. A fucking pedophile video game with basketball. Oh, McNugget buddy. You could win anything in Vito's casino. Should I make one bogus box and it's all just like Japanese pedophile games?

And I open it up and I'm like, all right, you won the going to jail special. And it's all just. Again? Yeah, that's pretty funny. Pineapple Man for five says, I threw a wrench at my mom today for interrupting me playing Neopets. Vote up, family. Sorry, mom.

Nice. Snazzy Raz. It's your mom. You can do whatever you want. She belongs to you. Snazzy Raz for 10. I'm trying to lose weight. Any fitness tips from the skinny gentleman on the right?

Horace McGee for two. We already got Trixie's dieting tips for some reason. Trixie and Vito harmonizing on the intro ruled. Yeah. PSI Chris for two. Dick rate for points. Hashtag. Ten points. Who was that? That was

PSI Chris. Since you're the first Dick point. Well, they're not Dick points. They're biggest bucks. This is not an illegal scam like yours. This is just points. Boy, are they dick-specific points. Because I control the points. There's 10 points for PSI Chris.

I make the graphics for the show. I feel like I own a 50% of the trademark. Cougar Hughes for 10. You can tell Harard he's a scumbag for using his mom. Gerard? What do you read? Gerard. Why do you say Gerard? What do you mean right? You know

it's the completionist. You're the one who explained it. You can tell Jerry he's a scumbag for using his mom as a financial human shield and he'll just threaten to sue. But when his NPC removed from Game of the Year 2023, Ashley Babbitt noises. Vito came in doing those fucking Ashley Babbitt noises.

What are Ashley Babbitt noises? I went on Kick or Keep and I did my great Ashley Babbitt routine that always kills. Wouldn't her noises being the sound of dying, not the sound of getting shot? It's the sound of her getting shot. You need to first of all, you need to have your phone.

I need to sell out Madison Street. You need to have your phone on you. Next time you do that, kick a keep. Yeah. Because I will text you things to say that will be devastating. Okay. But you have to go for blood. I think other guys are getting help on the show.

I think they are. Of course they are, but I'm texting this guy stuff, and after the show he's like, oh, I just... What did you text me? You texted me what? I forget what I texted you this time. You didn't text me anything during that show. You texted me last night with Doug TenAple because you wanted me to nail him on something.

Oh, I forget what I texted you then. You texted- Next time you're on that show, just have your phone because I'll text you things to say. I will open a Discord channel. How's that? Oh, yeah. I'll give you good stuff. And we can have everybody in there and be like I've identified weakness in the top right

Nail that guy I can see nothing Especially for the finals If we met a game, kick or keep If I have a team of comedy writers You gotta go you Fucking Darius, would you fuck Destiny's ex Put him on the spot like that

Vito, I found his sex offender registry profile Bring it up on the show. You should be in the Discord the whole time. Why are you not? It's the harassment mob. I got to the finals. Look, I'm putting in the legwork. If the team wants to step in and get me over the line,

I accept. Warren for five. Never ask a woman her age. Never ask a man his salary. Never ask Trixie what illustrations she's a huge fan of. Just follow my Twitter and you'll see all of the illustrations I like, many of which are pornographic content of arguably underage characters that no one gives me shit for. No one cares.

It's like the Teen Titans, man. Do you regret that? No. That statement at all? Here's the thing. The right for that content to exist is so necessary to me because when people hear it, they're imagining pornography.

They're imagining Roku, the video game he bought. I'll stand for that getting supported too, but to me, the need for the support is like, there's plenty of shit. Again, go to my Twitter. Look at the stuff I repost.

You're not going to think, oh my God, this is pedophilic pornography. Or don't. You don't have to see it. Oh, look at the stuff I repost, you're not gonna think, oh my god, this is like pedophilic pornography. Or don't, you don't have to see it. Oh, look at all this like weird fancy gay porn that Trixie likes and like I understand why if like the law is not very clear on

like what's okay or not, all this shit would just get deleted. All I'm saying is who has not watched the zone animation of Jenny the Teenage Robot getting slammed from all sides? It's a robot. I didn't know you were going to come up with something like that. It's a robot. You haven't watched that? The guy uses actual

clips from the show, voice acting. Not saying I watched it more than once, but I went, wow, a lot of effort went into this. I don't really care if I see it. Yeah, I'm not bothered by watching Jenny the Teenage Robot get attacked by a bunch of robot tentacles. If I saw a child boy, I'd be like, man, what the fuck?

There's a certain line. I'm long past being bothered by images that aren't real. Zone's still making stuff? Zone's still making those animations? He worked on Skull... He got a job working on Skullgirls. Oh, that's badass. David Gomez for five when Vito eats. It looks like someone making fun of a gross fat

guy eating. Okay. Cheese in my pockets of old Vito. I don't even know what that means, but alright. That's not two. Oh, I was playing it up for fun. Beautiful web player viewing layout. Thank you. Gary Always for five. I can't super chat the thing I want because it implies violence against dick, I guess. What do you mean

by that, Gary? What a pussy. Email it to me. I'll read it. God of Hellfire for 10. How the fuck does Trixie make people lose their shit? TBF. Namamai for 2. Yeah, you really do. It's my specialty. But you have great comments on things, but they just fucking hate you.

It's because I like making people mad. Okay, this guy is trying to get me to say Nick, whatever. I get it. Real quick. I like people more when That is a good one. I like people more when they're angry than when they're neutral. If you're on my side, that's great, but if you're mad, that's better than you just sitting there not thinking.

Random guy, 2324 for five. Your honor, I never even watched was on the hard drive. I never even put the basketball game into my Vita. Jihadobot for two. NBA, jam it in the ass. Dabbling Man for five. Has Vito gained all the weight back yet? If so, should he give the money back? I haven't even gotten the money yet. That's not how it works. Oh shit, yeah. No, I gotta talk to the guy.

He sent me a DM. Tempanon for two. I can't believe you're gonna fuck people over if they give 50 bucks for a weigh-in. Stop fucking them over. I'll just weigh in on the next show. Nah, that's not the same though. They need it right now. It's Christmas. What does that have to do with anything? It means that I want to eat like an idiot a little bit. So what the fuck matters if you weigh 300 pounds?

No one cares. Yes, they do. It's funny. It is funny. I get it. You're not going to lose it next week. It's just always going to be delay, delay, delay. My body, my choice.

No. Yes. 50 bucks. You hooker. Jerk Jerkinson for 10. How much weight did Vito gain this week? Wait, wait, you passed Tempanon. Tempanon for two. Money from commissions. Let's see those commissions, Tempanon..9. Jerk Jerkinson for 10. How much weight did Vito

gain? We don't know. James Gardner for 10. Do drugs. I knew I should have put drugs right now. I should have put a big Gardner for 10. Do drugs. Tricks. I knew I should have put drugs right now. I should have put a big piece of plywood down. That's not stopping me. And put the scale on it. So I was tricked into stepping across it? Yeah, you want a truck waystation?

I knew it. I fucking knew I should have done that. Pigeon for 5. Did you hear about the top lady boxer Clarissa Shields getting absolutely starched by an amateur boxer? No, but that sounds correct. Yeah. Here come all the comments saying I'm right.

Spider Eternal for two. Vito is 100% on MMA guy kicking master's asses. What? Remember when you asked him to super chat you the truth? Yeah. That guy's beating up Chinese people. Charles Baker for two says Vito says neg a lot. Remember when you asked him to super chat you the truth? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That guy's beating up Chinese people. Charles Baker, too, says, Vito says neg a lot.

Yeah, I'm trying to stop with that. What's a better way? He's a negger. Well, everyone keeps negging me. Yeah, I am a bit of a negger. He likes calling out neggers. We all know that Vito has a compulsion. Stop it.

This is why we're never going to get Winston back on the show. Jacob Wagner for two. When is Trixie? You're always taking it too far. Why is it taking it too far? Hey, shout out Jacob Wagner. Because he's so positive is the reason. He's such a positive force.

A few of my people are in these super chats, so I'm shouting out Jacob Wagner. Gary always. I see you guys. All the good people are here. Riku, 3-2-2-2-1-0. Wait, what about the female sports one? I think we asked this. Why is Trixie going to do female sports?

You know, I actually did think about this. I'm like too old for sports, obviously. But you could enter like a female-only Smash Brothers tournament. Well, no, because they're all going to be trans. I was thinking like Sprinter. They're like, I'm going to dominate these ladies. It's going to be 20 other trans. No, actually, if it was fighting games, yeah, it would all be trans.

If you went to a guilty gear tournament, there's not a straight. Well, I remember there was like a news article and it's like the first ever magic female magic gathering champion. Oh, I can't wait. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, you know, non trans women do not. I mean, a former guy decided to become a... Sorry, that was transphobic.

Trying his hardest. It's okay. Gary Alway is for two. Says, big rapist. Riku for 10 said, the ancient martial art of gun fu is the strongest fighting style. I like equilibrium. You ever seen that movie? No.

Hey, wait. Fuck you, Eric July, who says, Vito is right about Chinese MMA guy Dick and Trixie are tarted. I didn't say fucking shit. Dick was like, oh, that's probably fake, because he wanted you to pay him to say it was real. No, it's fake. You guys are the fucking- No, you guys are both idiots, because you probably were skeptical, and you should have

backed me up. You're the one who paid money to tell us that a thing we knew was real was real after we made a joke about how you should pay money to do it. Everyone should know this. Idiot. Aglovich for two. It says China isn't even real. Great problem, Vito. Thank you. Spider Eternal for five. Bruce Lee trained in Wing Chun and then developed his own style.

Kung Fu is meh. Aikido is trash. That is true. Be like Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris. Train Jeet Kune Do. Jeet Kune Do. Yeah, but Jeet Kune Do is like show martial arts, man. It's Cowboy Bebop. It looks cool on movies and TV shows. Do you want to be Cowboy Bebop?

Yeah, on a TV show. Actually, I tried to get these Cowboy Bebop figures, and I'm sad because they're sold out. That is sad. If anyone knows. I have a bust of Spike Spiegel. Sold out of plastic. How much would you pay for a bust of Spike Spiegel? I don't want a bust of Spike Spiegel How much would you pay for a bust of Spike Spiegel? I don't want a bust of Spike Spiegel

What do you want of Spike Spiegel? There's this line of toys called the Pop-Up Parade And if you had ordered Pre-ordered them online They came with special colored bases And now I can only get them with the standard black bases And it makes I'm like well if I can't get these

Cowboy Bebop what's it called? Pop-Up Parade It's not called idiot parade. Sucker parade. Sucker parade. I'm glad we figured that out. Does that work again? Test 112. Because I can't hear anything. Can you hear things? No, it's fucked. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. You kicked shit out. Yeah. Don't move anything. Okay, you want me just not to move? Stop.

I'm not moving. You tripped. La la la la la la la. Okay. Something's fucked up. Oh, you just broke that thing again. Huh, weird. I don't think it's going to work again. We have to end the show somehow.

It's over, man. It was over two hours. There's no point. Just a capstone. We have something for the recording. You can't just cut it off at the end. Show's over. Everything got unplugged.

Goodbye. It's my fault. I'm going to kill myself. Is this still recording? That's recording, yeah. Oh, okay. Did it hear me say I was going to kill myself? I'm going to kill myself.

Well, thanks guys for listening to the show. We'll read the rest of your Super Chats on the next one. I want to thank Trixie for destroying the show, but it's really, it's not your fault. Yes, it is. Stop making excuses. It's not my fucking cables fault. Look at how many fucking cables you have to do is walk gingerly.

We've been doing this for eight years. How is it my fucking fault? Fine, whatever. I am totally willing to take the blame for this. I will tell a lot of people will be mad at me. You know, I am going to remember that thing I said about taking L's.

No, so... All right, well, I'm going to say thanks for coming by in the chat. We will upload what we have. Thank you. I have no idea. Guys, once again, if you're listening to this, don't forget to vote on all the problems at BiggestProblems.com. Don't forget to join the Patreon at Patreon.com.

Check, check, check. Yeah, it's fucked. Something's fucked. Everything is broken. Hmm. I wonder what it is. Can't you just kick? I have no idea.

Okay. Get out of there. Okay, I'm leaving. Just move. Go. Now. idea. Okay. Get out of there. Okay, I'm leaving. Just move. Go. Now. Move. Fuck.

Just fucking move. Can I have my shoes? Is the show over? Come this way. All right. I told everybody to leave. Is that what you want? What do you mean?