The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 121

Episode Date: December 30, 2023

Fingernail Piles, Conservative Porn, Cutting Yourself Shaving, Big Leaguing

And then if you're not a member, it'll tell you to sign in. Complicated. For the merch store? No, no, no. Oh, on the main store. On the main site. On the main site store. Yeah, it's just like bonus episodes.

You click it and you see all of them. So if there's a certain bonus episode you want to listen to, you click on it and it takes you right there. Oh, yeah, you could do that. Yeah, I was going to do that. The question is, what do I put it under? Like, do I put it under problems? What's the fucking problem with the sites, man?

You're like, I put all these pages. Where the fuck am I going to put this link? Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. You could do it like the 90s where you just have a line at the menu bar. Yeah. These kids don't realize what it used to be like. I might have to shrink the text size of the menu bar and then I could fit it all.

Oh, man. So good and clean right now. I know it's clean right now. Well, you got to see what I changed it a little bit. Put a button. You what? I told you that. You did what? You did what?

Go to biggestproblem.show. Oh, wait a minute. And I thought I was- This is my baby that you fucked with. What the fuck is this merch? Well, yeah. What the fuck? Oh, you got me on there too

Yeah, well, I figured That's nice of you Oh, I figured it was unfair to just link to Oh, wow, fans? Well, yeah, because originally you had fans The Facebook group Well, is that bad? Should I not link the Facebook group to Reddit?

I didn't know there was one Oh, it's great You don't go on the Facebook group? I love it No, shit Yeah, I'm always posting in there And the Reddit? Wow, Look at all

Look at all this pro shit Yeah If only there was a Truxme shirt in here Well we can have that I'm gonna have that Super killer shirt What the fuck is this going to

Okay should I just link What is the Wait a minute Wait a minute What is all this shit Hank Hill is Alright alright alright I can just link

To the biggest pro merch I don't care I know you don't care But it's at the top Yeah What's does mine go to Here's goes to the Biggest Problem merch. I know you don't care, but it's at the top. Yeah. What's does mine go to? Here's a good show. Typo.

Thanks a lot. Is it? No, no, no. You see these stickers that I got now? I did see the stickers. You want to switch over the stream? Oh, yeah. Whoops.

It's all right. There we go. Me and Dick are arguing about the Biggest Problem website. Trucks me. That's the shirt. Well, because you had fan art as a header and then under it was the episodes.

That made no sense. I don't give a shit. How about that? How about you fucking find a menu for that? Well, I just tried to clean it. Add me giving a shit

to your menu. I tried to clean it up. And yeah, people can find the Reddit and the Facebook group more easily now. Trucks me. Raise your hand. One in the chat

if you want a trucks put a truck in the chat if you want a trucks me shirt. in the chat if you want a trucks me Shirt just a 3d with a 3d rendered of a sketchup truck truck Yeah, that's me as he thinks you don't gotta explain it right caption. That's dope man Bishop walk up to you at the bar and go trucks me Like it is a little mysterious. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Provocative. And then you can explain to them. Provocative.

You're making fun of a certain vernacular. Don't I look trucks-worthy, you say? Don't I look trucks-worthy? Bitch, get those tits out. That's what I would say. Trucks me. Don't worry, I'm trucks-worthy. Can we say, do we have to not say things like pedophiles and stuff at the beginning of our episode,

even though we did the countdown timer? Trucks in the chat! Yeah! Trucks in the chat! Back up all that money! YouTube's rules are pretty lax these days. And it doesn't matter because we do not put... It would only matter if we were putting ads on the episode, which we don't put.

Because we constantly play copyrighted music and other garbage. Oh, that's why. Yeah, Okay. Every time you play the Shaft theme song, I get an email about, did you know that you don't own the Shaft theme? Yeah, there you go. This episode is now officially demonetized. Yo, truck's bad, bitch.

Truck's bad. I wish I had little glasses to put on. Is your comic book going to be good? Yeah, baby, you can truck's bad. Is it going to ship right away? Yeah, baby, you can trucks me. Is it gonna ship right away? Yeah, baby, trucks me. Are you gonna take on the big two?

You can trucks in me, baby. What you talking about? I'm talking about, you ain't talking about Marvel or DC, are you? No, I'm talking about Dick and Vito. In that case, trucks me. So now, take them two busters to the cleaner. I need a sunglasses PDF. We need a little thing so we can have sunglasses slide down from the top of the screen.

All right, here we go. Here we go. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Beating the team. Beating, beating. Who is the man? You can trucks more than any man. Trucks are better.

Oh, they're trucks. We do our own financing. We're at the D, the Ripper vs. Dealership. Oh, you got wrecked. What the fuck? It's one of those fake ones. Where's my fucking PNG? That's a fake PNG.

That's a buster ass PNG. Is that a good fucking PNG? I think that's a good one. That's a good one. Oh, fuck you. It's one of those jokes. Oh, come on, man. Fuck this.

Trucks. You didn't save it. Did you save it? I fucking saved it, yeah. There you go. There you go. Yes. Oh, man.

Trucks, this buster ass fool. I'm going to go smaller than that. Okay. Ooh, yeah. You can truck us, baby. Yeah, that's us. Like, that's sexy. The audio people are going to really fucking hate this episode.

I know, right? They can't even see this bit. This is the man. Oh, yeah. Who does his own financing. My truck comes straight out of Unity, baby. Is it EV powered? It's got triangle polygons on all sides.

64 bits of horsepower. Is it EV powered? It's got triangle polygons on all sides. 64 bits of horsepower. First appearance. First appearance of the truck. First appearance of Blood Roots Castle. Coming at you live. Okay, well, this bit is the rubbish course. All right. Trucks us, folks. That's it. Good night, everyone. That's it rubbits chorus. Alright.

Trucks us, folks. That's it. Good night, everyone. That's it. That's the whole thing. Now do the real one. Awesome. Ba-na-ba-na-na-ba-na-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na.

Biggest problem in the universe. Welcome to the biggest problem in the me-o-niverse. Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe. The only show that ranks every problem in the universe. From prices that hide fake suicides. That wasn't a very good rhyme. I wrote it down and it wasn't... I'm your host Dick Mastro.

I wrote that right. Vito Giswaldi. Well, wasn't that funny, though? You were allowed to put a spin on it. I know, but I had to do all the sunglasses stuff that you saw. Yeah, that was very important. You're actually sweating already from the pain of having to find a sunglasses PNG on the fly. It's just like, for some reason, when I'm having so much fun And everyone else is not

It makes me sweat so much I'm having fun You too though When we are having so much fun We're having fun I think the audience is having fun Hopefully the audience had themselves a very merry Christmas Yes

It's our first show back from Christmas Or a Kwanzaa that did not have any Rapes or torture in it Did you a Kwanzaa that did not have any rapes or torture in it. Did you celebrate Kwanzaa the traditional way? By putting your female family member's toes in a metal vice? Oh, God. Or perhaps putting a soldering iron in their mouth, as is the Kwanzaa tradition. That's horrible.

Every conservative is jumping on that. I feel like we were talking about it before. Does that conservative calendar come with a Kwanzaa marked off? Is Martin Luther King Day in that calendar? Probably says on Juneteenth, it's like, Rebel Freedom Day! You know, some shit like that. That's cool.

That would be cool. See, we should make an actual conservative calendar. But yeah, all the days are like the day Trump got a, what do you call it? That's cool. That is cool. That would be cool. We should make an actual conservative calendar. But like, yeah, all the days are like the day Trump got a, what do you call it? Removed from office by the evil Democrats, you know? Oh, the day you guys stole the election. Yeah, January 6th. Yeah. The day of almost.

The day of election stealing. The day we attempted to save the republic. That's way better. In like two seconds, we have a better idea than half these goofies. You think we could round up enough old whores To be in our conservative calendar You think we could round up some old Go to the biker bar

Give me your oldest dirtiest whore you got in here Dirtiest Cling to relevance by claiming to love the Republican Party Excuse me knock knock knock I'm a red headed libertarian Yeah you are Listen American Joe you know me from way back. I used to live up the street here.

I came here to watch Trump get elected. I need your oldest and your dirtiest, leatheriest whore you got. The one that fell off the bike and they didn't drive back for. That one. Give me your oldest, menopausiest, old, stringy-haired whore that you got. The old red-headed dyke is not great branding. So you got to go with the red-headed libertarian. That works a little better for some reason.

Give me the oldest one that you wouldn't even call a lesbian because it'd be a lie. You know the one I'm talking about. No other woman wants any part of it. Yeah, no woman wants any piece of this joke. Well, I'm sure we're going to talk more about that coming up in a very special problem. Sure. We've got a ton of Super Chats to get through this week. We'll do it at the end of the show, right?

Because Trixie kicked the, yeah. Trixie the Trickster. One of her classic transgender goofs. Yeah, exactly. She's a wily transgender scamp. That's the best thing about being trans. Gotta get my estrogen. And then just knocks a bunch of shit over. She's a wily transgender scamp. That's the best thing about being trans. Gotta get my estrogen. Get, get, get, get, get, get, get.

And then just like knocks a bunch of shit over. That's the best thing about being transgender. No matter what you do, it's not the biggest mistake you'll ever. Oh, come on. You fucking stepped all over that joke. That joke was fucking perfect and you stepped all over it. No one had ever even said that joke before. Oh.

I did step on it. Oh, God. Unforgivable. I didn't realize you were doing a, I didn't realize it Oh god Unforgivable I didn't realize it was that much of a setup It was like boom boom boom Like a professional joke Family Guy did do that joke though What? They did the joke of Quagmire's

Dad or mother Transgender sitting at a bar And he goes oh excuse me ma'am you can't smoke at the bar she goes oh actually i'm transgender he goes oh never mind do whatever you want forever i saw that one so homophobic i thought that's phobic i thought that's what you were doing there no i was writing my own joke um all right well when you get your tight five together we can hit the road. Winner last week. The winner of last week's show was suicide baiting.

Wow. Trixie won despite destroying our show. It's amazing. It's almost as if people rewarded her for bringing a stop to our antics. Did you delete a lot of comments this week? No, I did not delete. Trixie understands the show, so I was able to leave all the comments about. There wasn't that many then.

I'm not going to say what they were. There wasn't that many bad ones. If you didn't delete any, then there wasn't many bad ones. I did not delete any. That's a great problem. I don't normally delete. I don't delete comments unless it goes, hey, can you guys not have N words on your show anymore? And then I go, okay, we're not doing that.

You gotta delete that. That's not for us. But if you want to call Trixie a skag, that's your right. She can take it. What's a skag? Well, I think it's a nice way of saying skank or slag. Not very nice, though. I think those are the enemies from Borderlands.

They're skags. Okay. Kubnit says, Trixie going so hard it makes to grab his head has solidified her as the best guest so far. It was a very good problem. Turtle Bazooka. There's a lot of compliments for Trixie as well for being a fan of the show. It's always great when you're a fan of the show as a guest. They understand the format.

They don't bring in social media as a problem. Turtle Bazooka, as a trans person who pre-transitioned made my suicidality everyone else's problem, I wholeheartedly agree with Trixie's problem. What a pain in the ass you are. I can't suicide bait anymore. Trixie took away one of my most powerful emotional weapons on this show. I think you can still do it. Yeah, well, because mine comes from a place of honesty.

Yeah. I believe you can still do it. Yeah, well, because mine comes from a place of honesty. Yeah. I believe you. Trans people, I don't believe. Yeah, see, mine comes from a place of like, yeah, I could jump off a cliff at some point. Like, none of this matters. This is a small cliff. Yeah. See, because there's different.

All right, there's the people who go. You're going to hike all the way up there? There's the suicidal people who are like, oh, life is so hard, blah, blah, blah. And then there's the suicidal people who are just like, none of this matters. Yeah. At any point, I could just get bored, just run for the closest tiger cage. Why not? Yeah, if you're not doing heroin, then you're not.

There you go. You're not making a serious attempt at killing yourself, because that might fix it. Magic number seven says, hey, how much is this? PM me. Missing price tags is a huge problem. Kagon Postal says, Vito wins. The fact that they don't have to legally display the price of what you're buying is the biggest problem in the universe. That's crazy.

I don't know why. I mean, I get that, like, menus can change, but I also don't think it takes you that long to print out a... What do you mean? Well, some places have, like, the menus and have the menus and then the prices are changing constantly. It's like, well, just use paper menus. Why do you have those stupid laminated things to begin with? I haven't encountered this problem very much. It's always drink menus.

You don't know how much a drink is. Well, because you don't care. And then I've gone to bars. Hold on. I've gone to bars with you, and then at the end of the night, you go, 20 bucks for a whiskey? And I go, well, there you go. If you'd known the price, go 20 bucks for for whiskey you know and i go well there you go if you'd known the price you wouldn't have been ordering all those fucking that's not true yeah i mean you still would order them but you would have complained about it less i don't

like knowing i like knowing because then i gotta like pay i gotta count my own drinks i don't want to do that if i go to a bar and it's like oh we got the fruzy masmataz, whatever. Just put what it is next to it. Well, good luck. Cody's Versus the Internet says, Interesting that Vito says, I, instead of we, told Eric to settle, taking credit for what Ethan Van Shiver and Nick Riccata said, when we would have been accurate, actually.

I noticed that, too. That you are taking credit and saying I when you're saying what Eric July should have done when on all other instances you say we, except for this when it's actually we. I don't know what Rakeda and Ethan said about settling. I didn't watch

every fucking video talking about... I'm personally dealing with Eric July's fans and bullshit every like, every day. I don't need to then go watch videos about what I've been, I'm not pulling my thing, but like, violin music. No, no, look,

it's fine. Yeah. It's just every day from these guys who go, ooh, ooh, comic books, go, go, go. Uh, the Atticus Finch says, I gave Vito 300 euros for a comic as a gift for myself for Christmas. I don't have the comic. And now I'm hearing rumblings of postage not being included?

Question mark, question mark, question mark, question mark, question mark. I'm an Ireland Vito. You better fucking figure something out. Figure what out? Shipping for free? It's not shipping for free. That's not happening. Well, he paid fucking 300 to Cosmars. Look, if you

bought the crazy tier, look, I'm gonna I'll get you a good shipping deal. You gotta pay a little something. Oh! It says on the page shipping's not inclusive. It says it on every tier. Here we go with the shakedown. It's not a shakedown. You gotta pay for shipping for everything. Look, I'm gonna get a really deal, and I'll cut you a break.

You're not going to pay the full shipping cost. Are you going to take a little taste on the shipping for cutting the deal? No, I'm not going to take a taste on the shipping. $300? You can't give him free shipping? I'm going to take a hit on the shipping. He's not. Here we go.

Let me get my sad violin. Come on with this You're gonna take a hit on the shipping? I'm gonna take a hit on the shipping Have you done all this work and stuff? I've done a lot of work There's still work being done You've had to deal with Eric Gilles people

Every day work is being done This does not need to be as dramatic As it's being Like I never expected This guy's not getting fucking free shipping On $300 for your fucking comic? I don't know how, like, look. There's some comics where I go, I get it.

They're, like, years late. Like, some of Eric's fucking people, their comics are years late. Technically, my comic's not even late yet. It's late starting January 1st. Right now, it is not even late. Nah, people thought they'd get it for Christmas, though. They did think they would get it for Christmas. That's why they were buying it. Because I lied to them. Oh. No, I didn't lie. People thought they'd get it for Christmas, though. They did think they would get it for Christmas. That's why they were buying it.

Because I lied to them. Oh. No, I didn't lie. I thought we'd get it done. You know, we ran into some scheduling issues, but now everybody's working on it. It's looking good. I'm excited. We're making art.

We're not making widgets. How about this? All right, here's what I'm going to do. Everybody who doesn't want a late book, I'm going to photograph my asshole 50 times. I'm going to write Super killer number one on the front And you can get it sent to you right now Or you can wait for the final edition Wait why would someone want that

Well because they want it now Then it's not late Well because it's late that's the worst fucking thing that could ever happen So I will send you right now 25 pictures of my winking asshole They have to pay for shipping In black and white you have to pay for shipping Or you wait a little bit And let the artist finish what he's doing So it looks good pictures of my winking asshole. Do they have to pay for shipping? In black and white, you have to pay for shipping.

Or you wait a little bit to let the artist finish what he's doing so it looks good, okay? But if you want the butthole book, and if you get the butthole book you're not allowed to buy the regular book ever again. Wow. Alright? It's a hard bargain. And I'm gonna charge you full shipping. I'm not gonna give you any discount on that. Just seems like you could've planned better. I planned it

pretty good. Uh, H. Datilla, the female sniper sketch win. Guys getting out of the cover to get their dicks sucked. One after the other is funnier to me than the chat GPT Blade Runner thing. I sent you the script for that, too, and it never got made. What are you writing? I think we need... Why do you have one of my Smurf pens?

It's just on the table. I don't fucking know. How did you get a hold of that? It's a private special pen. Can we show the table that is full of garbage and empty beer bottles and I pick up a pen? This pen is for you. The Smurf pen is for me. I gave you

pens. I gave you 24 pens. I can't use your Smurf. I legit don't know where they are. Take your Smurf pen. I really don't know where those pens are. How did you lose 24 pens? I gave you 24 pens. They're by your feet. Okay. Sorry I used the Smurf pen after gifting you an entire box of pens. You know what though? These pens are fucked. These pens I got it. They're by your feet. Okay. Sorry I used the Smurf pen after gifting you an entire box of pens. You know what, though? These pens are fucked.

These pens, I got it. They're goo pens, so it's all wet, and I accidentally got some on the heel of my hand, and then I got it on my brand fucking new shorts here. My brand new Lululemon shorts. Okay, I'll take the pens back. Just get better pens. No, I'll take them back. You don't want them.

No, I want them replaced with a good ballpoint pen. You take back half a box of pens and get you different pens. No, I'll take them back. You don't want them. No, I want them replaced with a good ballpoint pen. Not a goo pen. Get your pens and get you different pens. Well, look, it's fucking all... How are you supposed to write with these pens? Seriously. Just don't rub your hand all over them. This is a good pen. This is the kind that you brought. Goo.

Mess. Good. Solid. Cheap. And these come with a special cocaine dispensing uh yeah oh yeah that's the best part that's why you like these just like don't so i go i get a superior pen i get a superior mouse every time i bring in anything nice for the show you find a way to bring superior guests in superior guest how many was your last guest you don't bring any guests no imagine i don't think you've brought a single guest to the show destiny oh no you did

that well i think you might have got destiny the first time i could try to get nick fuentes okay well that's the problem andrew anglin yeah why don't we get ethan ralph and andrew anglin we'll get fucking richard sp. Tight with all these boys. Can you just meet some normal people for once in your life? Those guys are normal guys. They're normal Chicago and whatever guys. Yale. Normal guys go to Yale.

Tuck their shirts in. Can we get J.F. Gareppi to talk about not killing his wife or whatever? He didn't kill his wife. Do you think he killed his wife? Is she still missing? Yeah, she's gone, man. She probably jumped off the fucking, into the sea.

Well, how did she go missing that long and not, like, anyone know where she's at? You can't do that these days. Sure you can. How? You just go live on a fucking commune. She would call somebody and be like, here's where I am, whatever. So either she's in a ditch that he dug, or she jumped

into the sea. That's terrible. A man's wife leaves him and everyone just makes fun of him. He doesn't care. He's all happy about it. Of course he cares. Every tweet I see from him is he's like, yeah. Well, he's got a new girlfriend now, so it's great. Yeah, he moved quick. Man, him and Ralph. Ba-ba-boom. Were they friends or were they not friends? I'm not paying attention to that.

What? Oh, the way they turn around, get new women all the time? They got the gift. They got the riz. I do wonder how Ethan Ralph gets constantly. What do you mean? He's got that special fucking mojo.

I still, look, I will never. He locks it down. He wears those. Maybe if you wore these shades more. Yeah, I got to get the shades. See? That's, look, way more Riz The fact that

I still will never understand how Pantsu went from Okay, let's not No, no, no This is inappropriate How do you go from Digibro to Ethan Ralph Stop, stop This is, what?

What you're saying is wildly inappropriate. It's not inappropriate. Yes, it is. It's just saying, it's like, what kind of lady is she? That, like, how do you make... Now you're going after people who are not on the internet. I'm not going after anyone. I'm just saying, wow, what a unique character. This is... And then you're like,

why do people pick fights with me? But you're saying these totally out-of-pocket things. I'm not saying anything bad about either of those men, but they're clearly very different. You're saying bad things about everyone. No, I'm not. Just weighing in, it's negative towards everyone. Okay, let's just say okay, let's not even name names. Let's say

you were previously dating an anime-loving basement dweller weirdo who then became a lady. This is how you thank guests who come on the show? No, this is a... By talking about their relationships? This is a theoretical. This is a theoretical. This is how you thank guests who come on the show? By talking about their relationships? This is a theoretical. This is a different person who doesn't exist. I can't believe you're doing this. And then you decided to go for like a fat

loudmouth psychopath Nazi. You know, there's like a lot of difference. Are you kidding me right now? I'm just fucking around. Oh my god. You know I love Trixie and I love Ethan Routh. They're both great. Oh my god. I need another year. It's just you have to admit

there's like a difference there. You know, you wouldn't think the same kind of lady would go for both of those. City mouse, country mouse. Yeah, there's a big difference. Alright. Let's see if I have... Oh, one last comment. Mikkel's shit.

There's tons of examples of gay parents molesting little boys. Oh, come on with this shit. There's plenty of examples of straight parents molesting little boys. Everyone's molesting everybody. It's not a gay thing. I'm going to make this list just because I hate how ignorantly smug you two are about this. Oh, my God. Okay, let's hear the list.

You didn't want to be molested. Why don't you pull your pants out a little bit? If the list isn't larger than the number of priests molesting kids, then you've already lost this argument. No, they say those are gay priests, though. Oh, okay. So it doesn't count. It's just like men, right?

Yeah, men are sex-crazed weirdos. Yeah, so you got two men parents like, well, you're probably going to get molested more. Right? Just statistically. I can understand the odds have gone up based on the fact that. It's like playing Russian roulette with two bullets instead of one. Which gun do you want? Well, the one bullet gun.

Too bad. You got gay dads. You got two bullets in the gun. It's two guys. I don't think there's a two in six chance of getting molested in a gay household. I don't know if that's how it works. It's not 50-50. All right.

Look, I understand. But it's guys, right? It's guys are the problem. Yes, guys are the problem. Men are sex-crazed weirdos. Dads, step-dads, fucking gay dads. Regular dads. I may be working on a song about that, actually. About molesting kids?

No, about how if you're experiencing dangerous sexual urges, you should just go and masturbate. And then not commit a crime or make a bad life decision. It's called Relax, Don't Do It. Is that a song? Yeah. Well, yeah. Relax.

You're going to redo that song. Go to it. Yeah. Yeah. It'll be like that. When you want to come. I've been talking to Mr. Girl. We have a format for a song. We're talking about- Do you have a black guy that you're going to pretend to be? Actually, I'm going to play- I've been talking to Mr. Girl. We have a format for a song.

Do you have a black guy that you're going to pretend to be? Actually, I'm going to be a puppet. I don't know how much I can give away. Well, you already gave the whole thing away. Might as well give a little more. Oh, I've got to figure out, where do I get a puppet? Who made the puppets for this show? Fiverr.

Yeah. I was looking online. There's some places that will make you a custom puppet for like $200. I'm like, that seems reasonable. That seems like a good deal. There's a lot of guys on Etsy. Alright, what are we going to... Well, I have a very special segment. Am I doing that now? Sure you can, yeah. It's a segment

I like to call... I gotta find it. Hold on. Well, it's a segment with a lot of fun and magic and excitement. I wanted to remind people, because we are past Christmas, don't forget Biggest Problem Holiday Special, currently available on Patreon at patreon.com slash biggestproblem. Also, back.by slash biggestproblem, where we talk about all the typical holiday nonsense you and your families have been dealing with.

Finding presents for your parents. I haven't even gotten close to finding it yet Don't worry, I'm trying to remember what else was on that bonus episode We had a lot of fun Where the fuck was I? I think we had a little bit of talk about Eric July Talked about Rebel Moon, my new favorite movie So I found out that that's not actually Star Wars

What do you mean? I thought it was a Star Wars movie You thought that was set in the Star Wars universe? Yeah, I thought that was obvious There was star wars universe yeah i thought that was obvious there was no jedi that's what it was so fucking confusing to me wait you're fucking with me no i thought it was an actual star wars movie there's no way there's no star wars stuff in it it's all star wars empire it's like it practically looked like them i It was exactly the same in every way except for the rapes. I just found out it's not a Star Wars movie.

The rape didn't tell you. If it was a Star Wars thing, it would be on Disney. It would be on Disney+. It would be on Netflix. I pirate anything. Oh, all right. No, it's that he went- It should say not affiliated with Star Wars.

It doesn't need to say that because it's clearly not. But she has a laser sword. Kind of. Yes, there are laser swords. So did that Chinese guy. What do you call it? Basically, Zack Snyder at some point went to Disney and said, hey, I want to make a Star Wars movie.

And they said, well, we can't have a bunch of rape. He's like, the rape is necessary. I don't see how it works without the rape. Well, we just don't want rape in Star Wars. So it was a Star Wars movie. It was going to Star Wars. So why is it a Star Wars movie? It was going to be a Star Wars movie. He wrote it originally as a Star Wars movie. That's bullshit.

Well, yeah. Because then it's a Star Wars movie that's just on a different channel and it's confusing. Well, he made it more intense and insane. And the cut you saw, that's the PG-13 cut. It sucks so much more knowing that it's not a Star Wars movie. It's so much worse. There was nothing. I don't know.

I don't know. There's no point to it at all if it's not a Star Wars. I sent you a text. I said, Rebel Moon, it's Zack Snyder's Star Wars. But I didn't mean that like literally it is Star Wars. And then I embarrassed myself at my family's house by saying it's a Star Wars movie. And who corrected you? Everyone. Yeah, because you were wrong. How did

there's no, they don't reference. You said it was a Star Wars movie. They don't reference a single Star Wars thing in it. Couldn't you realize that? That's what was so fucking confusing. Okay, but when I say it's Zack Snyder's Star Wars, I don't mean literally it's Star Wars. It's like if I said it's a you know, Zack Snyder's Seven Samurai. It's not actually

Seven Samurai. I would have no idea what that is. Yeah. It's Tarantino's Godfather. It's like in the vein or whatever. That would be great. Right. But it's not actually The Godfather. Alright. I'm done with this. Point is we've got a very exciting segment called Vote It Up! Vote it up.

It's the Maddox song. Yeah. You got to vote up all the problems. Problem. Is that Malort and Savior again? I love these guys. It was. Check out Malort and Savior.

They're terrific. And welcome back to a very special holiday installment of Voted Up. It's not actually a holiday installment. I have two problems here, Dick. Kind of play into each other. Okay. And let's talk about it. You may remember from the bonus episode we did, the biggest problem in fast food. Yeah. Which I feel we should do another one.

Okay, let's do another fast food one. It's great. They're great. My problem, which I think won the entire episode, was death of the dollar menu, Dick. Yeah. Well, I hate to tell you, but that dollar menu will not be coming back because... How's this news? Just a little bit of an update. It's a little bit of an update. It's a little bit of an update. Fast food chains across the nation are...

Update. It's still gone. Sign my petition. It's still gone, but I'm saying fast food prices across the nation continue to rise as a result of inflation and rising goods and labor costs. McDonald's, the nation's largest fast food chain with more than 13,000 restaurants, has raised its prices another 10% this year. That comes on top of a 10% increase last year in 2022.

Since June of 2021, Chipotle has raised its prices five times. And on a recent revenue call, Starbucks said more price hikes for their items are on the way. Overall, fast food prices have jumped 6.2% over the past year, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics October report. 6%. It does seem higher. I paid $70 for a medium pizza and wings yesterday. No, you didn't. Did you?

I paid $65 for a delivery, and I was like No, you didn't. Did you? I did. 65 bucks for delivery. And I was like, how is this happening to me? I, yesterday, was like, I was like, I should cook. But you know what? I'll just go get like a cheap fast food burger because I just want to get to work or whatever. Shut up. Whatever. I was like, it'll be quick and it'll be simple, right?

I'm like, Burger King. What's a Whopper cost? 10 bucks? I went to Burger King. It was a Whopper cost? Ten bucks? I went to Burger King. Double Whopper was $9. How? This is not worth $9. No, I didn't buy it. I was like, never mind. I'll just go home and cook something. Just give me some ketchup.

Yeah. Give me a bunch of packets of ketchup. I said, at that point, from now on, I'm just going to keep my fridge. If I want a burger, I'll just have frozen patties in the freezer. These prices are crazy. This is what we're reduced to. Well, it's interesting because they're saying more fast food.

Regardless of the prices, more Americans, I guess, are just giving up and becoming debt slaves and just buying more fast food than ever. It seems like Americans, I don't know if this is happening in the rest of the country, everyone's just agreed to be poor. It's like, instead of being like, oh, I'm going to... We don't really have a choice, though. You know, the grocery store, save yourself some money. But it's so much

there, too. The meat's, like, outrageous. Yeah, honestly, I think it was, like, nine bucks for a package of fucking ground beef last time I checked. I don't know, man. And they got rid of George Santos, our only hope in Congress. Was George Santos the one who was going to fix that? It was a blackmail that he was gathering on everybody in Congress. Well, that was a good move.

He just overplayed his hand. Well, here's a solution you'll like, or a problem, or I don't know what you want to call it. Okay. But I'm sure you're going to gloat about this nonsense. This was a problem for all the way back in episode four. I don't remember if this is a problem you brought in, but the problem is the minimum wage. Yeah.

Sounds like one you would have brought in. Yeah, it's a problem, yeah. Well, due to the minimum wage increases, two Pizza Hut operators in California are eliminating their in-house delivery services at hundreds of stores, laying off more than 1,200 pizza delivery drivers. The Pizza Hut franchisees say they're reducing their staff as a new California state law

will increase worker pay to $20 an hour in April. $20 an hour? That's correct. All in 2022, Governor Gavin Newsom of California signed the FAST Act into law, which would increase the minimum wage for fast food workers to $22 an hour in 2023. Corporate chains did fight the law, and the revised

law changed that to just $20 an hour. Oh my god, we're so fucked. The law affects 557,000 fast food workers at 30,000 restaurants in California. $20 an hour minimum wage coming in April. Wow.

So you only have to work 15 minutes to get our bonus episode? That double whopper is going to be $20. You're not going to be able to afford fast food in California. It's not going to happen. No. Do you get still flyers like coupons in the mail you ever get something i don't i guess it's only certain neighborhoods but they sent me a sheet of uh jack-in-the-box coupons i like that sourdough jack burger right yeah what's that

normal what did that used to cost like five bucks three bucks five bucks sure this is the coupon the coupon goes you can get two of them For $14 And I'm like even with a coupon They're seven bucks Just eat bone meal Give me a bag of bone meal I'll just eat that all day Put some sriracha on it

Some hardtack What do you call it Some grog That's bad We're all gonna be eating dirt Yeah I'm not I can't It's probably good for me

I'm gonna be cooking more I made a big Shut up I made a big pot of Chicken noodle soup For the holidays I'm still going through it Oh okay

I like chicken noodle soup Meal prepping That's what you're doing Yeah The problem with meal prepping though Is then you just end up Eating the same thing Five days out of the week

Or all of it in one day Well I thought that's what You were gonna say how'd your pot roast come out um i don't remember good probably yeah you didn't scorch the carrots though no i remember you walked in and had a problem with my carrots right away okay you gotta you gotta do that anyway guys those are my two fast food problems gotta get a couple food problems in on the show don't forget forget, please vote it up.

Go to the Discord. Leave us your voted up news stories. And take care of yourself, America, by voting it up. I got it. The problems. We don't have time for the stupid boogie video. Here we go. Nah, I'll do it at the end.

Somebody will super chat about it and we'll have to watch it. Remind us to watch the boogie video in your we go. Nah, I'll do it at the end. Somebody will super chat about it and we'll have to watch it. Remind us to watch the boogie video in your super chat. Well, you're the big winner. Big! Well, Trixie's the big winner. You're the closest thing we got to Trixie. Yeah, I guess, well, I can't call Trixie a winner, but Trixie's doing okay. You're both women. You're both working on your tits

That's true I got much better tits than Trixie She's gotta step it up I don't know if you're going that Which way you're going I'm trying to go inward I'm trying to go inward Have you weighed yourself in a while?

We're not gonna talk about that What's the price for weighing you tonight? We're not doing that tonight You're not doing it tonight again? Oh No free shipping And no No weighing that tonight. You're not doing it tonight again? Oh! No free shipping and no weighing for 50 bucks. We'll talk about this

after the show. How much? How much do you want? $200. Well, do I get the $200 or do you get half of it? That's the problem. How is that a problem? I'm the one negotiating.

I know, but like... 50% finder's fee. I don't like the idea that you get $100 for me humiliating myself. I built this currency for you to get paid for weighing yourself. We all know what the weight is. Okay, but the weigh-in thing... Okay, it was like... Okay, okay, I'll tell you what.

If I guess it, if I guess it, and you're under it, you get the money. If I guess it, and you're under it, you get the money. If I guess it, and I'm under it. If you weigh yourself, and I guess the weight, and you're under it, then you get... I think that the weight loss contest

was an exciting six-month thing. It's not a recurring bit. It's not an ongoing thing. It should be, though. If it's going to be, then we need different rules, okay? How much? We would have to set up another weight loss contest.

$200. You're too good for $200. Let me think about it. 200 bucks. You're too good for 200 bucks. Let me think about it. Just this 200 bucks. Nothing to me. It's not that it's nothing to me. It's that then it's like, it's just this constant thing where I don't want my body constantly scrutinized by the audience. What do you think you are, Sidney Sweeney? I'm just saying, just look at me, all right? I'm a fat piece of shit.

Yeah, so what are you hiding? You're not hiding anything. Here's the thing. It's free money. It's the holidays. I've taken a little bit of a, like, okay, I'm not going to think too much about the diet, whatever. Then January 1st, I'm back on the wagon, okay? So when I'm back on the wagon and I'm doing everything again. You're going to need a bigger wagon.

We're going to need a bigger wagon, okay? Right now, I just want to relax. I just want to have the holidays. You can relax on the scale. Okay? I want to eat a big Christmas pie. I don't want to think about, you know. I would burn 200 bucks right now just to show you what you're doing.

Burning money. I understand. Okay? I just think, in the spirit of the holidays, just let me be a fat piece of shit until the end of December. You can be fat, just let us know how fat. No. It's not a big deal. Just guesstimate.

Just feel, just guess and you're probably right. 312. Sure, 312. Why not? 312. It's not 312. If you're, do you think you're under 312? I'm absolutely under 312.

I was at 290 whatever before. Two weeks ago. I have not gained 20 pounds in two weeks. 312? I'm absolutely under 312. I was at 290 whatever before. Two weeks ago. I have not gained 20 pounds in two weeks. 312. Is that your guess? Your guess is 312? If somebody donates 200 bucks. No, we're not doing that.

And you weigh yourself and you're under 312, you'll get it. Okay. If someone wants to super chat $200. $200. And I have to super chat $200. $200. And I have to be under 312. If you are under 312 you will get it. You'll get the whole thing. Sure. You have to look in the camera and promise

the audience that you're serious. This week only this isn't a recurring thing. I'll figure out another way next week. This week only. If some psychopath wants to donate $200 to shame my weight. And you're under 312. I'm absolutely under 312. That's an absurdity.

Then you'll get $200. Sure. Nobody donate $200 is ridiculous. You promise? Sure. Fine. You have to say yes. Yes. Or it's not binding. Yes. You have to say I veto. Look, I put on a little Yes, it's binding. You have to say, I veto. Look, I put on a little bit of extra weight because of the holidays, okay?

But I haven't gained 20, 30 pounds back, okay? Then this should be no problem. Sure. Okay. All right, what's your problem? My problem, which we already kind of started discussing, is the exciting world of conservative pornography, which is a new burgeoning industry, which we're all so excited for.

Conservatives who, for some reason, hate pornography, even though I know that they all consume pornography. Yes. The only ones that don't are these weird, hyper-religious ones who have their own problems. Have put out a conservative calendar. I'm looking for it right now. To help promote. Why don't you go to their website or something? Okay.

Ultra right. Ultra right beer. The most anti-woke beer you can possibly purchase. Do they not understand that this is turning off young? Don't young conservatives think this is like the height of cringe? Aren't they trying to attract a young demographic? Because this is not going to do it. I don't think so.

Well, I guess because you can just grift off the older conservatives and make money from them. They don't actually care about furthering the conservative movement. Because this hurts the conservative movement, I would say. Big time. Yeah, this makes conservatives look like weirdos and psychopaths. Everybody involved in this calendar hurts the conservative movement. All the women. I hate every single one of them.

Biden celebrating Kwanzaa is less cringe than this. Yeah. If I have to pick between Dylan Mulvaney, a man pretending to be a woman, and a bunch of 40-year-old leather bags, women pretending to be models, I'm going with Dylan Mulvaney. old leather bags, women pretending to be models.

I'm going with Dylan Mulvaney. There is nothing more despicable on earth than a woman pretending to be a model to me. Did you see one of them said, people were saying her picture was too provocative. She said, I don't know how you could say that. My seven year old son took that picture of me. This one. Oh my God. She's a former stripper know how you could say that. My seven-year-old son took that picture of me. This one. Oh, my God. She's a former stripper, which is cool.

Yeah. But then she takes this, like, ho-bag picture. So to put this into context, Ultra Right Beer, the ultimate anti-woke beer, which is currently, I believe, $25 for a six-pack or something close to that. They may have a holiday sale going on has put out a calendar the women of the conservative movement conservative dads real women of America because I guess conservative dad is a

one of these stupid influencers who owns this beer brand went to these women paid them money to take these terrible photos of them being pretending to be beer advertising girls. It's like the, remember you used to get the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition? Yeah.

It's like that, but what if you just had to hire these old skanks? What if it was your mom and her friends in it? Yeah. You'd be like, oh yeah, no thanks. So we have, do you know any of these people? Riley Gaines. I know of them, and I hate all of them and the ones that I've interacted with I hate more.

Josie the red-headed libertarian. How's that even hot? She's just holding guns. And this one, this is more offensive than piss Christ to me. Josie the red-headed libertarian with a giant crucifix on the wall of what is clearly a porn set.

So this is just, look, the cross is reflected in the microwave. What's the symbolism there? She cooks it in. This isn't sexy at all. It's just a lady standing in her kitchen with a pie, a lady working out. It's clearly for guys, pay pigs to come. Right. It's provocative to make men come and the girls know it or else they wouldn't have done it. Yeah. So conservatives who hate porn have to look at pictures of ladies burning the New York times with a cigar. And then what do you just kind

of her pussy is the cigar. Yeah. Why? First of all, you don't of her pussy is the cigar yeah why first of all you don't want the lady on the cigar the cigar is a symbol of masculinity yeah this is like yeah i can't say yeah if she's gonna hold the cigar she should be holding it suggestively between her legs it's a penis yeah um i guess the funniest thing about this is conservatives arguing over whether it is demonic or anti-christian and you're like you guys are like just pathetic on so many levels like making it was already pathetic making it pathetic getting outraged over it is doubly pathetic like i can't believe these conservative influencers debased themselves by taking a picture of them wearing a bikini this goes against everything the conservative movement stands for.

And I'm like, okay. So what the fuck is the deal? You guys have an identity crisis, the conservatives. You're losers. What is this? What are you? This is the culture war. You're anti-porn but also, hey snowflakes suck it up, we want sexy women again.

You're anti It's G- sexy women again. Yeah. You're anti, you know. It's G-rated, bro. Like, yeah, G for God, that's terrible. It's becoming like. That's fucking gross. It's G for gross rated. It's the straight edge movement. It's like, dude, you can be hardcore without, like, doing drugs and blah, blah, blah.

It's like, not really. No, you can't. Yeah, you got to at least have some drugs kicking around. Yeah, just go to the library. The funniest thing is this was all started by like this young girl who's hot and who's like a new little conservative

firebrand. She called a group meeting of the No, she called a border agent and the F-slur. She's like, oh, okay. F-slur on camera. Where did she do that? Like at the border? At the border. He was escorting her off.

Nice. She called him F-slur. It was awesome. I was like, that's so hot. So she's hot. And she said, and she hates this, which means it's horrible. Right. Because she's a young girl.

Well, you would imagine there probably are a lot of young 20-year-old conservative girls. What about Ben Shapiro's sister? What about the girl? What about the one who just looks like Ben Shapiro's sister? You know, what about the girl, what about the one who just looks like Ben Shapiro, though? The one who's playing Snow White? Uh, she's a hunchback. Yeah, but, I mean, that's kind of cool.

More of a landing pad for when you spurt on her back. As soon as they go into the, um, like the conservative ink, money-making grifto machine to, like, extract money from men without being on only fans uh they just get so ugly so fast it's just it's super confusing because like the b okay so they told us what happened to bud light bud light used to be you know there was chicks in

bikinis selling the beer and that was cool right you know and then it's like okay so you're gonna do that and they're like well yeah but you know with like my 40 year old friends and then everyone's gonna be mad about it yeah i'm like why are they mad about it i thought the whole reason you were mad at bud light is they didn't have sexy bikini ladies anymore and then they're telling you like they need to cover up this is horrible and i'm just like i I'm so confused. What do conservatives actually want? No, they're right. It's because, so, women in politics is a lie. Yeah. Women invade conservative spaces to get attention from guys, and they only, guys only pay attention to them because they want to fuck them. Right.

They don't have anything interesting to say. They don't have any great political opinions. Maybe there's one, but I've never heard of or met one or never met anyone who had one. They just regurgitate basic stupid talking points and guys want to fuck them, so they pay attention to them. This

crosses the streams and makes it obvious that guys just want to fuck them, so it's being rejected. It's like, oh, well, you just kind of pulled the curve. You gave oh well you just kind of like gave up the game yeah the game so now right like we have to reject you oh no you're not supposed to admit that the only reason we have them around is because we want to fuck them we have to pretend that they're great political voices yeah candace owens is really smart it's like now you just want

to fuck an angry black girl and that's fine yeah uh and they're all defending it too she looks okay who's that a model i assume i don't know yeah uh but for the most part i'm looking like that's not she's just like a lady it's fine but it's an like it's a woke beer ad yeah um and again the woke beer ad you need two girls and they need to be like hugging a surfboard together and you pretend you're the surfboard it's just like a takati ad yeah like would it wouldn't be weird to walk into a liquor store and see the conservative women tim pool and a g-string selling takati yeah well i guess that's the other problem is that these people are supposed to be conservative like influencers that we take seriously but like yeah tim pool's not doing a shirtless fucking

fireman calendar. No. And then he would say, well, yeah, hey, ladies, what if I did? Just fuck off. See, that would be, you could only do it as a goof. You couldn't do it seriously. But here they're legitimately trying to make these women sexy, and again, Josie the red-headed libertarian or that

black lady hugging a wall as her seven-year-old takes a picture of her ass. Josie is such a cunt, too. She's arguing with the young attractive woman that called her out. She's obsessively arguing and she does this shit that women do where she's like, well, I have the same measurements of... It's just upset because you're upset

because I'm like Marilyn. And people are like, what are you talking about? I have the same measurements. Marilyn Monroe. We know this is a weird, desperate thing for you to pretend to be. You really think you are Marilyn, but you're just this awful, off-putting piece of shit. The other thing is all these women realize, I can't really do this for more than another 10 years. Because at that point, all my face fat melts away, and I just look like a Skeletor lady.

Yeah. As all these conservative shrews end up looking like. This is the worst thing I've ever seen. Well, it is the biggest problem in the universe, and I'll say that. Yeah, you win. This is worse than a million. I win. All right, there you go.

It's worse than the Million Holocaust. And they could only get 10 of them. Yeah, how do you have a fucking calendar with only 10 people? It's 12. It's a million. I win. Alright, there you go. It's like worse than the Million Holocaust. And they could only get ten of them. Yeah, how do you have a fucking calendar with only ten people? It's twelve. It's a calendar. That must have doubled up on some of them. And the fact that it's going to the guy who is selling the ultimate. Can you show to the beer can real quick on their page?

If you like, go back. Conservative Dads Ultra Right. Hit order now. Go down. Not at that. No. Go back. Shit. Just scroll down. It's got the beer can right there on conservative dad's ultra right hit order now no go down not that no go back shit just scroll down it's got the beer can right there on the front page actually ultra right 100% woke free American beer

so this is anti woke porn the porn isn't woke now they're gonna sell their panties for an anti woke casino I heard Josie the red headed libertarian is gonna sell all of her used panties she's gonna wash them don't. I heard Josie the red-headed libertarian is going to sell all of her used panties. She's going to wash them. It's not going to be gross. Did you see the picture from some recent, I think it was

whatever, AFPAC or something, when the guys were shilling anti-woke water, liberal tears, I think they call it. That's great. I know you guys think this is a fun joke, but it really just... You do want that. Is that a joke when you spend all your time obsessing over that?

Yeah. You know, and then you go, what if we made anti-woke water? It's like, well, yeah, because it's all stupid. You can't pretend sometimes it's stupid. It's always stupid. It's funny because it's like a- I hate this fucking guy. It's like a parody.

Conservative dad. What a stupid fucking branding. I hope his kids turn into alcoholics. It's like a- I hope his kids are trans. This is... And they pelt him to death with his own fucking beer cans.

This is like whenever the right says the left is like beyond parody, this is that. Yes! If you were gonna make a... You're both... Sides are terrible!

Yeah, if you were gonna make a parody of a conservative calendar, it would be a bunch of dumpy broads who are not models pretending that they're models, who support causes that I just despise. Like this Riley, I forget her name, the swimmer, is like super pro women's college sports. Now, aren't they saying that most young people are turning liberal these days?

Yes. For the first time. It's always been that they turn more conservative over time, but this is like the first generation. Okay, so you have a youth problem. You can't do cringy shit like this because young people see it and they're like, what the fuck is an anti-woke conservative calendar? This is stupid. It's an anti-woke beer.

Here, hey son, I got you a sexy lady calendar to beat off to. You know, your cool uncle used to give you a couple playboys. Now he's going to give you the conservative dads. She's 35. She's married. She's 35. She's married. She's a huge cunt online. You're going to love her. Get your dick greased up now and get ready for this fucking calendar.

Look at the stilettos on the redheaded libertarian. Don't you want her to bake you an apple pie under a fucking Jesus cross? No, there's nothing sexy about this at all. This sucks. Meanwhile, us, the liberals, we go, hey hey do you want to dress up like an animal and fuck all your friends endlessly because we don't give a shit you want to be a lady and let everybody run a train on you come on over and they're like well that sounds pretty fun i got no problem with that uh the guys defending it are just like fucking retarded too like well i've seen i've

i mean i've seen worse calendars than this like Like, yeah, those are with models that you buy for, like, decoration. Right, yeah. Like, with a legit beer company. They're nice to look at. This is trash. This is like someone giving you a mixtape that you don't want. Don't mix sex and politics, I'm going to say. They don't go well together.

Or do it more better. Do it the way Fox News does it, which is a bunch of blonde ladies with big tits telling you what the liberals are up to. And that's it. Megyn Kelly. Yeah, Megyn Kelly. Yeah. Exactly. Unless she kind of went off the fucking deep end.

She tried to come at Trump. When she first showed up, and you're like, hey, a lady with big tits, a big blonde lady with big tits, telling me that the liberals are fucking up. I like this. I'll watch this all day. This is stupid. I bet they didn't get paid anything to do this, too. They must have. That's what makes it worse.

I hope they did. Nah, because they're vain. You know what? They might have just, I don't know. He might. Yeah, that's the other thing. You can talk shit about Dylan Mulvaney, but Dylan Mulvaney apparently got, apparently got millions of bucks from Bud Light.

It was just one post. He didn't even pretend that he drank the beer. Dylon's killing it. Dylon has it all figured out, folks. I don't know how you can trash it. I'm so mad at Dylon. I'm like, get that bag. I wish I could pretend to be a lady and get a fucking $30 million paycheck for going,

oh my god, it's a... What do you call it? It was that sporting fucking thing. Something Friday. I don't know what you're talking about. Dylon? I thought you were saying Dylan in a weird way. I was. Oh.

Is that how you say it? That's how I say it. Oh. It's from that classic Chappelle show sketch. Remember when they had all the rappers in the house? Oh no. Name the five best rappers of all time. Dylon, Dylon, Dylon, Dylon, and Dylon.

Oh yeah, yeah, Dylon Is that one guy Dylon I remember that I spit hot fire I spit hot fire Uh Conservative porn It's the worst

Vote it up There you go You know what else I hate About this What The guys who are like Um Like the real

Like the hustle mind guys And they're like Well you guys are just Talking about it You're giving them Free promotion You guys are talking about it you're talking about you just fucking kill yourself like i'm sure they're getting so many new impressions i'm sure there's the calendars are just flying off the shelves because i'm fucking tweeting about it dude everybody talks

about me being a pedophile i'm not making a lot of money from that so it doesn't always work. All right. My problem is big-leaguing. Yeah, like when one of your favorite local town baseball stars goes to the majors. Yeah. You can't see him at the park anymore. Yeah. And then he won't even come back to the hometown and sign baseballs the way he used to. Oh, yeah. Okay, that's where it's from.

That's where it's from. the way he used to. Oh, yeah. Okay, that's where it's from. That's where it's from. It's also like when Eric July can't take criticism, so he... From anyone. From anyone. From guys on Twitter with no followers, like 100 followers.

So he decides to make an example of one of them. Someone who he sees as beneath him. I have guys who have been like, I support Eric and I want him to do well and whatever else. And they're like, I can't believe he's doing this. Even this was a bridge too far for them. He's such a cocksucker.

It's just so weird. He found a guy. He found a guy who was criticizing him for not promoting smaller creators. So he said, I noticed you had a pathetic little There was a guy who was criticizing him for not supporting or not, like, promoting smaller creators. Yeah. So he said, well, I noticed you had, like, a pathetic little Kickstarter. This is Eric talking to the guy. This is Eric talking to the guy. He said, you have, like, I saw you had a Kickstarter, and, you know, I'm such a big success.

I'm just going to go ahead. You don't have any supporters. I'm going to go ahead and fund the rest of your Kickstarter. I'm going to fund your comic. The funding goal was $1,000. The man was at $300. Eric kicked in $700. Mr. Fucking Moneybags, right?

Mr. Moneybags. So he says, hey, man, I clicked on your page and noticed that you had an active campaign. You only had 10 backers in six months. So what I did was essentially fund your campaign, of course, giving a big tip to FMC. Fund my comic. Yeah, that's the platform where it was.

He's such a fucking asshole, man. Well, I mean. He's such a fucking asshole. That's the thing about this. He goes, I noticed you only had 10 backers in six months. Eric, everyone understands that you're a big libertarian influencer with 500,000 followers. You don't have to find little comic guys and go, I noticed you only had 10 backers in six months. Meanwhile, my new comic, Alpha Corps, we all know, Eric.

We know you're a big shot. Incredible success. I know. Congratulations. You've got a whole office building working on your fucking comic. So what I did was essentially fund your campaign. Again, what I did was fund your campaign, not essentially. Essentially what I did vis-a-vis what it is is that in a way you might say circumvent the ways of the West

and found my way surreptitiously into making a donation of a limited amount that would then propel you into the funding area. Here's what I'd like you to do. Of course, giving a big tip to fund my comic. Here's what I'd like you to do. Work on your attitude because it is in a terrible spot. Being small does not make you admirable, nor does it justify your attitude towards creators that have worked extremely hard to get where they're at. Here's a bunch of money.

Here's what I want you to do. It's like fucking Sonny Corleone breaking that guy's camera and just like peeling off money. It's like going up to a homeless guy, putting a dollar in his cup and going, I want you to do a little dance. Here's what I want. Well, I want to give you a lecture on how to get your life together, you piece of shit. I'm going to give you this 20, but I want you to promise me you're going to get a job. Like, oh, yeah, yes, sir.

I looked in your cup. I noticed there's only dimes in there. I put a 10 in there. So let me tell you how to live your life. He's one of the most unlikable guys, I think, online. Eric Geline. Well, I was discussing with people I said can you imagine if he just went

Hey today for Christmas I want to help the indie comic community I'm taking $2500 That I have raised from AlphaCore And I'm giving it out I'm giving $100 out to a creator Every day for the month of December Yeah amazing

That's nothing I can say I say wow what a good guy He gave money to help people get their comics made Creator every day for the month of December. Yeah. Amazing. We would have nothing. That's nothing I could say. I'd say, wow, what a good guy. He gave money to help people get their comics made. Can you imagine? Say he gives one guy $700 so he can give him a lecture on Twitter. It's a little stunt. Does not make you admirable, nor does it justify your attitude towards creators that have worked extremely hard to get where they're at.

Dismissing or attempting to devalue their efforts is such a tone deaf thing to do. He's talking about himself. Dismissing my efforts, right? He's not talking about them. He's responding to criticism of himself. Dismissing their or attempting to devalue their efforts is such a tone deaf thing to do and will only turn people off to your project. You could have made a different product.

It was a moronic way to approach this. He was making the point to Eric July, like, well, yeah, you raised this money, but if you made Eric July sneakers or- Or basketballs. Basketball. Yeah. Any sort of product associated with any sort of individual- Yes, I know there's a million things you can name, Dick Okay, we're gonna

We don't need to say them We all know what they are Where's my Family Feud music? You could've made an air July No, where is it? Blood raps, blood raps Let me see blood raps Damn it, Damn it.

I always need that fucking song and I don't have it. Well. I got to write it down to have it. Show me blood raps. Ding. Lastly. 13% of all people. All right, go ahead.

Lastly. Well, you didn't say you only had one thing. You can't put lastly. Lastly, there's no the community as it pertains to the independent comics. The clique you're around are not the only people that exist, and it is arrogance to operate as if it does. What? He's saying that the indie comic community doesn't matter,

which is a thing he keeps. He basically is saying, like, I know you guys have built a community, but I think it's bullshit, and I don't care to participate in it. Okay. And that's fine. Then go fuck off. Yeah, okay. Go sell food buckets with Tim Pool and all his old whores.

But everybody else in it who's making comics and, like, sharing information and, like, helping each other out, we all kind of like it. Telling stories that don't have to do with money. Yeah. To tell someone they don't participate or they don't help the marketplace despite them employing more people in comics than you ever have is incredibly stupid. You are in no position to be as dismissive and disrespectful as you are.

Your project is funded and I do not want your items. I just want you to get to work. Go be great and go work on your attitude. Good luck. Yeah, so, uh... Well, that would have been, uh. Good luck. Yeah, so... Well, that would have been... That was not a nice little...

What a great mic drop, right? What a Christmas present. This is how this guy acts around the holidays. You got to fight with people on Twitter and then go, I noticed you're a fucking failure, unlike me. What he didn't realize, and this is an important addendum to this, is this guy's comic did get funded on a different platform. Oh, oops.

Yeah, so he had a hundred backers. He raised like six grand, which is pretty good. What's the name of his comic? It's Immortals Immortals Rising. Immortal Rising. Guys, check out Immortal Rising. Available on fundmycomic.com.

A lot of people would have just taken that. This guy did give the money back. A lot of people would have taken that money and slinked off. I would have taken that money. People are even saying he's stupid for not taking the money, which to me is, you know, there's nothing worse. You just berated me for not taking $200 to humiliate myself on a radio show. Because that's funny. Yeah, okay.

They're much different situations. This, his response to $700 and all that bullshit, all that jibber jabber was keep your money and your insults. I don't need either. That's a storefront for me. And you can feel the contempt dripping off every sentence. Short, the punctuation perfect, spelling immacaculate here's what i'd like you to do you can address anything i said we can do it in dms unless you need the drama fodder for your brand

yeah he fired back i'm not gonna lie mortal rising a class act the man making this comic book gave back the 700 bucks i would have just bought a whole bunch of Miles Morales merchandise and been like, look what I got, you dumb piece of shit. Oh, man. To just shove 700 bucks back in Eric July's dick hole. That's a big league move from him. He's in the bigger league.

Yeah, he's in the bigger league. I don't need your money. Actual artist. A businessman would never understand. I'm not an actual artist. I would have bought another PlayStation. No, you're not. A businessman trying to big league an artist Here's 700 bucks Here's my advice on Actually I don't give a shit

I've been disrespecting Eric for more than a year And he's never given me any amount of money You don't deserve it This is bullshit I know I would take it I haven't seen something so beautiful as this in a long time again it's just like what does he want so i what is his brand so then eric had a fire sale to get more attention and dopamine he said okay he the gentleman rejected it but uh uh if three of you would like my money please please tell me that I'm... He's going to split 700 bucks between three people

now. Who knows? Who cares? But this guy, he couldn't buy. So the problem is that Eric July's brand can't be... Again, all these people who are saying, oh, he's just like, he's the new Stan Lee, it's the future comics, whatever else. I'm like, if Stan Lee was an asshole behind... If Stan Lee paid you 700

bucks to take his advice, you'd take it. You wouldn't tell him to go fuck himself. Also... Take your money and go fuck yourself. Stan Lee paid you $700 to take his advice, you'd take it. You wouldn't tell him to go fuck himself. Also, Stan Lee was a big asshole behind the scenes. He wasn't going out there and going, listen, all you chum-sucking motherfuckers. I know everything about comics and any asshole making comics that not the Marvel way is a dumbass and a lunatic. How dare you disrespect Iron Man number 227.

I got some advice for you. Don't use parentheses anymore because you have no fucking idea where they're supposed to be used, you illiterate piece of shit. I think once you make the big money, that's your opportunity to become Grandpa Eric. That's your opportunity to become the big, fun comic uncle. And you come out, and you go, well, maybe not uncle. I know that has certain connotations in the African-American community.

Let's go back to Grandpa, okay? And you come out, and you go, listen, maybe not uncle. I know that has certain connotations in the African-American community. Let's go back to grandpa. You come out and you go, listen, I just love comics. I'm so excited to be making comics. I want everybody to make comics. But for some reason, Eric has this weird thing where you go, and I think it's- Not having a dad. That's the weird thing.

Well, that's part of it, but we're not going to dig too deep into that. I guess, I don't know if he's doing it consciously or not, but clearly his brand is I'm a big, tough man from the streets. Tons of money. I handle things the way we handle things on the streets. I don't take no disrespect. You just got disrespected harder than anyone I've saw all year. You set yourself up for a lot of disrespect there.

And I see a lot of people are coming at him now being like, what the fuck was that? You gave a guy 700 bucks to tell him that he sucks at raising money and that he needs to work on his attitude? Look, I know that he's gonna argue like, well, his attitude's the reason he's not making

money. I don't know, man. His attitude seems fine. He basically told you. Go buy Immortal Rising's comic. If you need a refund from Superkiller, Vito is happy to give you a refund so you can go support. If you need a refund from Super Killer, Vito is happy to give you a refund so you can go support. You can get a refund on Super Killer.

There's no problem, okay? If you want to wait for it to come out and then buy it, that's fine. All right. Don't get a fucking refund. You're not getting

any fucking refunds from Vito. I'm just joking. Of course. But go support Immortal Rising. If you're not going to do it, make somebody else do it. I think he's already raised a couple hundred bucks. And again, he's going,

look, I don't want your fucking big league charity. I don't need Daddy Warbucks to show up and rescue me from the orphanage. Okay? I'm a guy making a comic book. If people want to check out my comic book, and it looks pretty good. I looked at it. I like the coloring. Big leaguing. Immortal Rising. It's fucking obnoxious.

It is obnoxious. I think it's on fundmycomic.com. You can finduing. Immortal Rising. It's fucking obnoxious. It is obnoxious. I think it's on fundmycomic.com. You can find it. So maybe we can help this guy raise the $700 that Daddy Eric tried to give him. It's beautiful. Now, you know what? No. One button. One button. He sat there going,

I could have $700. All these people are saying that they would do it and I'm dumb. They're all going to say I'm stupid. All of Eric's fans are saying I'm stupid. Even people who are neutrals are Like, I would have taken it. That's dumb. Nope. I'm an artist, man. Fuck you. What about a giant cardboard cutout of Eric and put it in my office and thrown darts at it?

I wanted to write the guy a $700 check just right there. Like, thank you. Here you go. I thought about kicking in some money. I'll buy a copy of the comic. I'll buy the comic. We're going to buy the comic. I'll buy the comic. It's the least I could do. It's nearly the least I could do.

Again, though, it's like... Thank you. He's not... Why argue with a guy? He's got a little comic. He's got like a hundred backers. He's perfectly happy making his comics. Why would you go, well, I've sold this many comics, and here's the reason you're a buster-ass piece of shit, blah, blah, blah.

Why would you try to humiliate him? Get over it! If somebody on Twitter doesn't like you I don't go to like you know I'll fight with guys on Twitter but I don't give them $700 to try to teach them lessons I just go yeah fuck you and I go about my day. It's so disrespectful Yeah. Like imagine if he had needed

that money. Even these guys with And you have to live with like that shame of being humiliated by somebody who probably can't read. Like, that's fucking horrible, man. Who has no dad? Even the Reproverse guys I fight with on Twitter, in the back of my mind I'm like, I like these guys. I'm gonna win them over. That Renown Zero guy?

That's the difference with Eric, is that he thinks all his haters he's just like, I hate all these guys. I'm like, all these haters? They're gonna see. He just sees his dad like that Polka Dot guy in Suicide Squad. Or maybe his mom, exactly like that guy. That's a lot of problems in the world. Okay, your turn.

Uncle Eric saving the comic industry. Don't call it that. If you have a comic book, he's like, give him money away. So you gotta go reply to his tweet. I couldn't believe it. It's bizarre! Again, I said even guys... Hey, I noticed that

Your little Your little campaign Wasn't doing so well And I'm basically The Suge Knight of comics I mean I don't respect you Eric's playing this badly

Okay here's the Here's the other problem Is he had this big falling out With Ethan VanSkyver right Yeah So he's basically going You know Fuck the

Idea of a comic community And everybody working together To make comics better. I'm my own man. I built my own thing. What artist collective has ever thrived under those conditions? Yeah. When oppressed artists got together and worked on their craft in a conclave of some kind.

All artists survive and thrive in pure isolation with no help or promotion from anyone else. Only in marketing. Right. He is a master of marketing. Dick, my problem is one I think all men will identify with. Okay. And women don't matter. So, well, I don't know.

Maybe women have this problem as well. After that calendar, I don't think they do. You know, grooming is very important. Shit. Why did I say that? Personal grooming is very important. That's what I meant to say. All right.

That's a sound clip. You want to take care of yourself, and especially you want to take care of the hair that you got growing out of your body. Is this a manscaping commercial? This is our new sponsor, Manscaping. My problem, Dick, is fucking up while shaving. Oh, yeah. There are a number of ways to do it, and I think we've

all accomplished all of them. I don't know if you noticed, uh, I think when I came in and I did the weigh-in, did I take my hat off? I wasn't looking. Oh, okay. I had my camera to make sure that it was on the up and up. So you might not have noticed the giant patch of bandages on my head

that were, uh, disguising the fact... Cut your head while you were shaving? Wildly slashed, somehow while shaving my head that were disguising the fact that I had wildly slashed, somehow while shaving my head, like right before the weigh-in contest, I went like, huh, something feels kind of weird, and then I took my hand away, and I went, oh my god, what the fuck did I do?

I had somehow carved this giant gash out of the top of my head, and it was just... Isn't all your hair gone then? Uh, yeah. What do you mean? Yeah. I mean, did you have hair follicles there? You were shaving, so you must have had hair there. There was a little bit of hair there that I was trying to get rid of. Now it's gone. Yeah.

It's gone along with a giant patch in my head. No, I'm saying like, I think I just cut in deep. I don't think I ripped off like a whole... What do you use? Like a razor? I was using like a razor, yeah. Uh, do they have those like handheld razor? I was using like a razor. Yeah. Do they have those like handheld things? Every time I get one of those, they break.

I have to get a new one. I've gone through like two of them so far. I don't know why they always break. How hard are you shaving? I don't know. I can't find a good one. Like I look on Amazon and it goes like this one has 30,000 reviews. So I buy it and then I go back and I read the reviews, and it's like, is most good razor for good time.

Is a most close shave. And I go, oh, they're all fake fucking Chinese reviews written by a bunch of fucking people in a factory, the same factory that makes the fucking thing. Yeah. I think I got to, well, I keep buying like $50 ones. I probably got to like, I've tried to figure it out. If anyone knows the best one of those head shavers with like 10 little heads on it that like contours to your scalp, let me know which brand is actually good because they keep breaking okay so anyway that was broken so i used a regular rager

and i gouged my head open i was bleeding let me see it's gone now oh okay yeah this is like two weeks ago two weeks ago that can happen in two weeks oh it can happen in two weeks you can eat a lot of cheeseburgers and gain a lot of weight uh so obviously one of the big ones is to cut yourself While shaving I have lost many mustaches To angry Clippering or shaving Where I'll be clippering this Not paying close enough attention Well there was one episode where I remember

You accidentally shaved wrong And had to shave off your whole beard Which I think you've been re-going since then All the comments on that episode are, I don't like this. And I don't like. I don't like it either. I have the same problem where it's very hard for me to gauge when to stop shaving my beard down. So if you ever watch a show right after I've shaved, you'll probably notice it's like super patchy and shitty.

Because it's just hard to gauge when to stop, how short to go. And then I always go too short. And well, it'll grow back out. Yeah. So, yeah, accidentally shaving the wrong hairs, and then just like, you just never. What about your pubes? You cut that shit down.

I don't do that, but people do. Okay, I've done it a couple times, and I'm like, why did I do this? It looks fucking weird. I don't get it. Andy Signore, like, freaked out. Turning myself on. I'd fuck me, like, Buffalo Bill. First of all. Buffalo William, as I call it. Andy Signore freaked out. Turned myself on. I'd fuck me like Buffalo Bill. First of all.

Buffalo William, as I call him. Andy has constantly been like, what do you mean you don't shave your pubes? I'm like, yeah, why would I shave my pubes? He's like, that's insane. What are you talking about? You've got to get that manscaping. He's like, this is the most important. I'm like, I don't think it's that big a deal to shave the pubes.

Is it? If the girl asks for it, sure. If anything, I want a dense... Why would she want, like, a prickling all over her mouth and stuff? Right. Well, I guess you got to shave it down for that. No. No, you want it to be soft.

Yeah, you want it to be soft. You don't want it to be stubbly. That's a good point. But I guess there are some people who are trimming down there. I care about women's experience. You ever try, like, shaving all your body hair? No. You get...

I tried it once. I don't remember why. I was just like... You're a big swimmer at the time. Why don't I shave everything and see what hair? No. I tried it once. I don't remember why. I'm an Olympic swimmer at the time. I shave everything and see what happens. It got very itchy. It was very uncomfortable. I bet. Yeah, I was like, oh my god, my body is rejecting this 100%. Point is,

shaving, there's just so many things that can go wrong. Luckily, I have some tips here. Is this the grossest problem you've brought in? Is it? I don't know. Again, the shaver breaking, big problem. Yeah. Especially, okay, so here's why it sucks for me.

Clearly, I am not growing hair very well, so I want to stay bald. Right. But then the hair on the sides keeps growing, and I keep shaving it, and then it gets out of control. And then I got to break out the clippers, but the clippers don't get a close enough shave. So then I got to go in. It's just like, now I got like a little bit of hair.

You got to show some of this stuff. You can't just describe. Yeah, that's fine. I don't like it. It's a lot. Yeah, it's a lot. And then I can't see the back of my head, so I'll shave it all. What about waxing? But then I'll leave a big patch.

And then I'm just like, oh, I'm having fun. I go to the store, and I'm walking around, and there's just one weird patch of hair back here I wasn't aware of. What about you and Wings? You could get together. You could have a fat guy head shave-a-thon every week. I want to know what Wings is doing, because he keeps that head shaved. What about a barber?

Go to a barber. I've been thinking about I should probably just go to a barber and get a head shave like once a week. Yeah. I'd probably be happier. Yeah. Find a nice barber shop. Yeah, they could do a nice job.

They can use the little bit of shaving oil. Yeah. Guys, don't forget to get your skin and hair wet to make the area soft and slick. Use shaving cream, gel, or some kind of lubricant on the skin. Do you use shave gel? Use shaving cream at or some kind of lubricant on the skin. Do you use shave gel? Use shaving cream at all? Yeah, the cheapest like Gillette.

Barbizon, I think. I get the blue gel. It's fun. I don't like that stuff. It sprays out all blue. Don't forget to observe the direction your hair is growing. No, that's bullshit. No, no, no. It's not bullshit. If you shave in the opposite direction that your hair is growing, you will get a

closer shave. So what are you supposed to do? This way? Well, here's the problem is you get a closer shave if you go against the grain. If you want to avoid skin irritation in ingrown hairs, go with the grain. So if you have very sensitive skin,

don't go against. But I always go against. I want to get it all. I feel like you should just shave everything next episode. Like a razor. That could be a bonus. Shave our whole faces. Like baby face episode.

I have not been completely clean shaven in probably a decade. It's horrifying. Oh, really? There's some pictures. It feels weird. There's some pictures. You can feel all the hairs on your face, like patches. You can watch some old videos of clean-shaven Vito.

I don't know if you saw that a guy put out a giant documentary about Skullgirls. No. The fighting game. I didn't see that. At the beginning of it is young Vito interviewing the creator of Skullgirls, like young, thin Vito. Oh, yeah. Nobody has commented on the video.

It's got like hundreds of thousands of comments, and everybody goes, hey, there's their Vito. Because it's a skinny guy who looks nothing like me. And I'm like, oh, that means I'm really fucked up. Is that the guy who sent that hot girl a bunch of DMs? And it was like, he was like, ooh, ugh. I'm, like, sweating. Yeah, and sending emojis and weird shit.

Throwing up in my mouth. But would the lady like to be? Yeah. And basically, he was so autistic that they tried to kick him out of his own company for not even aggressively, just autistically hitting on a girl. Yeah. In like a cute, stupid

nerd way, like, oh jeez, if my lady would perchance like to come to my cave for some libations. But there's more to the lady than just the boobies. Keep in mind... he shouldn't have been talking like that, though. Well, the problem was that he's in this, again,

it's like one of those weird things where you have these non-traditional workplaces. This is what fucked Vice over. Vice used to have this agreement, I think it was Vice, that you had to sign that was like, listen, I understand I'm working in a non-traditional workplace. I'm working for Gavin McGinnis. People are going to be drinking and doing coke in the bathroom. There's going to be pictures

of naked ladies everywhere. And I'm not going to fire a sexual, I'm not going to fire off a sexual harassment lawsuit because I understand that's the nature of the work. And again, the guy's making Skullgirls. It's like it's an anime game with a bunch of boobies in it being drawn by like a bunch of perverts and weirdos. Yeah, but he was saying it to

like some OnlyFans model, wasn't he? Something like that. Well, watch the documentary. You get the information. I'm too close to it, though. I know a bunch of the guys who worked on Skullgirls. Oh. They don't like me anymore.

And that's fine. Why? Look at me. Come on. Look at who I'm sitting across from. What did I do? What did I do? Who's your friend? Who's your friend Dick?

Oh, he's pretty cool. He's like friends with Nick Fuentes. Andrew Anglin. Don't forget. Richard Spencer. He knows a lot of cool guys. No, he just helped him get funded on the internet. That's completely different.

He helped run a fundraiser for the Proud Boys. Just a good all-around guy. Everyone deserves a legal defense. That's a good argument. That's the lawyer argument. Guys, if you do cut yourself shaving, here's the steps.

Get a washcloth, warm water, press it against the cut for 30 seconds. That's going to clean the cut. Bleeding will slow. Ignore it. What do you mean? Then apply a witch hazel-based toner or other alcohol-free aftershave to disinfect the wound. All right.

After that, hold an ice cube or cold compress against the cut for 15 to 30 seconds. That's going to restrict the blood vessels. No one's doing that shit. I'm going to try this next time. I'm bleeding. You're going to get blood and ice all over your fucking clothes fucking I'm going to get blood and ice all over my shift. No, that's not. And then, after the ice cube, take a little Vaseline, take like a chapstick, seal the

cut. Boom. You're going to walk around with a bunch of bloody Vaseline all over your face. I'm going to have a bunch of blood and ice and chapstick goo all over my face. They also say you can get a lum block or a styptic pencil. You ever heard of these? What's a lum block? It is a block made of the mineral potassium alum, which will dry out and disinfect the

targeted area. Man, this is just to sell you shit. Just ignore it. I'm not selling it, but that sounds... If I had a cut and there's just like a little pencil and I just... You're going to go to CVS and order a box of witch hazel and basil? I'm going to get a styptic pencil. Okay. Is that it?

Shaving. Is that it? Fucking up while shaving. Shaving fuck-ups. How's that? Shaving fuck-ups. My problem is fingernail piles. I wish I would have picked a different one since you did a grooming one. I told you shaving. I know, but I already I was fucking thinking about... Well, it could be the

battle of the groomers. I was thinking about sushi triangles. Yeah, okay, the battle of the groomers. Look, my grooming problem is better. You're sitting there, you're biting off your fingernails, and you got a fingernail, right? Sure. Throw it in the trash. Easy, right? But I just got up to get a beer.

I'm sitting here. I just let the dog out. I'll just hold the fingernail for a little bit while I get up. Okay. I'll throw the fingernail away. Sure. Okay? And since I already got the fingernail, why don't I just bite off another fingernail?

Right. You know, these fingernails have been annoying me. They've been catching on stuff. I'll just put this fingernail right here. I'm going to bite him down. Bite this fucking guy off. Put him over there. No problem.

All I have to do is remember to throw away all these fingernails next time I get... Let's see what's on Twitter. Boop, boop, ba-doop, ba-doop, ba-doop. Ooh, I have to go to the bathroom. Boop, boop, ba-doop, ba-doop. Three hours later, wife comes home. Why the fuck is there a big pile, another big pile of fingernails on the coffee table?

Shit, while you're pissing, shit! The fucking fingernail pile again! It's a good problem It is a good problem right My fingernail problems Are probably worse than yours Because I don't have A significant other

To come home And yell at me about them You got fucking years Worth of fingernails Lying around the house While I tell Ah this coffee's nice I'll put it in the coffee

God damn it There's a bunch of fucking Fingernails on that coffee For some reason The primary places I find myself biting my fingernails Are in the shower I don't know why biting my fingernails are in the shower. I don't know why.

Oh, how long are you in the shower? I take long showers. I'm a shower man. Me too, but you're in there biting your fingernails? Yeah, and then I got- I haven't tried that. I'll give that a shot. Honestly, that's where I always deal with my toenails is because it loosens up the-

Loosens them up? Yeah, sure. Yeah. Yeah. The toenails will come just right off. I just rip them off in them up. Yeah, sure. Yeah. Yeah. The toenails will come just right off. I just rip them off in the bath. I like this. Yeah.

But the fingernails, yeah, it loosens up the cartilage or whatever. You bite them off. And then I have like a little window sill, you know, that I just go, all right, well, I'll just put that there. And then when I'm done with the bath. How big are your stacks of, how big are your piles? Like a dragon? By the way, I fucking told my girlfriend my problem.

She goes, what's that? I'm like, you know what it fucking is. Yeah. She goes, that's disgusting. No one will have this problem. I said, I guarantee you every fucking guy listening to this show has fingernail problems at home. I fucking promise you.

Yeah, except for the ones whose mothers yelled at them all the time. I don't even have the clippers anymore. No, my mom yelled at me. I don't care. I mean, I care, but I haven't fixed the problem. So when I get in the shower, I always look at the window ledge next to the shower and I go, oh man, I got to get rid of those fingernails. There's a big pile of them.

And then I also bite my fingernails in the car a lot. She says we're going to make her barf. Fuck you. In the car. And then I don't know why I don't just throw them out the window, because that would be the simplest thing. But I put them in the little, like, coin tray where I keep all my coins. And then, again, at a certain point, I go, oh man, there's like 50 fingernails

there. And then I gotta stop on the roadside and just throw them out. You can bring them in and they help for dialysis. If you trade them in, you can get money to recycle your fingernails. Yeah. If you fill up a milk container of them. I like that we're both really gross, so we can agree on this problem. I bet you somebody out there

listening has like a fucking two liter bottle full of fingernails. Yeah. Which is awesome. I wish I was that. I always thought about, like, keeping a... Okay, here's another thing that drives me nuts with shaving. Okay.

This is a vote for my problem, though, fingernail pile. Sure. Do you get that, like, residue on your scalp that's,'s like dead skin and oil and whatever else? Dandruff? No. It's kind of like dandruff, but it's like a thin layer of just

goop on my head almost. Cum? No. I just have a bunch of dead skin and oil. Sweat? Sweat is mixed in with it. I have hair, so i wouldn't know but whenever i wash my hair whenever i shave my head it gets down to that whatever layer yeah and then i can like literally take a butter knife and like scrape it across the top of my head and come away with

these like i'm gonna legit throw up you know it looks like uh like poster putty. It looks like... And I've always went like, what if I just kept saving that, you know? And I could have enough of it to make another human being. It's just dead skin and sweat. Putty man? Head putty man? I could make a putty from... Seinfeld.

I think the Power Rangers... No, the Power Rangers fought the putties. Yeah. I think that's what it's made of, is all that dead skin. Well, yeah, because I want it off my head. Are you talking about a butter knife that you're talking through your head? I've looked online to see if there's such a thing as a head scraper. Are you like a fucking Chia Pet or a Play-Doh Fun Factory guy shooting yellow putty through your head?

I just have this horrible layer of dead skin. And again, I can take a knife and just like scrape it. No! I will take a knife and like scrape the top of my head. How often? Anytime I shave, I'm like. How the fuck are you too embarrassed about those weigh-in, but you're talking about putty scum.

I have taken like sandpaper to try and like sand down this layer. Is that what happened to your head? No, but I have run sandpaper on my head before to see if that would help get rid of it What kind of grit? Light grit Light grit? Gotta go with the heavy grit I have all sorts of like, you know, like bath brushes and like loofahs and shit

None of it helps What about like I think it's a skin condition I have bad skin It's definitely a skin condition I definitely have like Certainly not a mental health condition. What's that thing, psoriasis?

You ever see that where like people's skin comes off? Put up a picture of psoriasis real quick. I think I have like the beginning stages of that. What's the advanced stage? The advanced stage is the picture I was going to show you. You have those disgusting patches of skin. I'm not going to put it on the stream though. All right.

P-S-O-R. Thanks. There's a chronic, long-lasting skin where the immune system becomes overactive. Oh, God! Yeah. Bro! I think that's... No!

Well, I don't have that yet, but... You're like Killer Croc from Batman. It's like the tree people. It's like that scale disease from Game of Thrones. I didn't watch Game of Thrones. All right. Well, it's like you get covered in this. Oh, look at this chick's holding her tits up. Oh.

That's not hot. That's terrifying. Come on. What do you mean? It's some nice tits. I think I'm pretty close to the, I got to go to a doctor. Why would the Mayo Clinic put this chick with obviously huge tits holding her tits up to show the underside of her tits is psoriasis?

There's no other examples of psoriasis they could show. Maybe a lady wants to know what she has. She has red blotches under her boobs and she needs to know what she has to have big tits so they show her. Why don't you just show it so people know what we're talking about. I can't. I already got. I already lost one channel for sexual nudity of this is medical. Topless men.

This is not sexual. Fucking topless men is definitely not sexual. Alright well point is I have dead skin. Look at her. I'll bust a nut right there in the middle with her big psoriasis target is. My doctor sucks though. Every time I go to my doctor, I leave

her office and she goes, I found your problem. I have a lady doctor. Yeah, it sucks. Every time I leave her office, she goes, okay, I'm going to call this, this this and this end of the pharmacy And I'm gonna set you up with this thing And blah blah blah blah blah And I'm like okay and then like two three days later I go to the pharmacy

And they go oh yeah she didn't do that So now I gotta call and be like Hey remember you said you were gonna get me this thing Is she Asian? Nah yes actually She's trying to kill you She's trying to kill me You should go to a priest

A white man An Irish priest That'll help me out Fingernail piles And Vito's weird dead skin Problem on the top of his head I do have like dandruff though What about like a medical shampoo

I've tried the head and shoulders Maybe like a medical shampoo? I've tried the head and shoulders. It doesn't really... Maybe like a medical shampoo. Like a prescription. Yeah, I've had that. The orange stuff. I don't know. Honestly, though, the dandruff doesn't bother me that much.

I mean, do I even have any on my shoulders? It used to be worse. Look, I'm wearing a black shirt. I don't even have anything. I don't have any hair left, so... But that head scum, though. That's got to be like... The head scum's weird.

It'd be a problem. I'm going to start collecting. I'll collect it in a jar. I'll bring it in so you can head scum's weird. It'd be a problem. I'm gonna start collecting. I'll collect it in a jar. I'll bring it in so you can see what it looks like. Send it to Justin Wang. I'll send it to Justin Wang. He can make a video. I'll give you the head scum guy. I can make a little doll out of it. How thick is it? It's, uh, I mean, I don't know how to describe it.

What would I say? Uh, between semen and spaghetti. Well, it's definitely between those two. Okay. I mean, if I leave it out to dry on the windowsill, you know, if I take off a bunch of it and I just put it on the windowsill, it'll dry out. Then it's kind of like a... How much do you generate?

It's like surprising. That could mean anything, man. All this dead skin is just sitting on top of my head, and it mixes with all your sweat and the oil, and it makes like silly putty, basically. Why don't you make hair out of it? I could make hair out of it. Like a Lego man. Honestly, I could make little lines of it.

I could look like, what was Spider-Man's friend who had that weird looking cornrow hair? Harry Osborn. Harry Osborn,'s in the comics. Had those cornrows. Okay, well. Someone's saying get a zinc shampoo. Yeah, that's what it is. Fingernail piles. That might help. That's the problem. And shaving.

Which reveals, of course, your scum-soaked head. That's the show, everyone. Thank you. That's a great show. We got a lot of super chats, because we got to read the ones from last week. I'll play two voicemails. And we may talk about Boogie dunking on this show, but celebrating me. Huh, what?

Did you watch the clip? No. Well. I didn't. You should. Uh, okay, this guy says conservative porn. Oh, hey! Let's see if he agrees with you.

Merry Christmas, boys. Just wanted to comment saying that there definitely is conservative porn. Okay. It's the stepbrother, stepsistership. So have we talked about conservative porn on this show before, I guess? Maybe last week. Maybe we brought it up in some way they did that calendar all right here's what's what's hey so i downloaded like the whatnot app

uh because vito is gonna do his fun wheel of consoles and just browsing it it's like the most sketchy place that you could possibly be selling shit on it feels like walking by those guys who are trying to like give you their mixtape it's legitimately very uncomfortable to browse through because a bunch of guys being like please buy like all this bullshit that i have um so you know uh veto please just sell it normally like a normal person don't use all this jiggery pokery in order to get it i wish we had recorded after the show We went upstairs and I argued with you and Trixie First of all we argued about whether or not it was legal

For me to run the wheel of consoles And then I started showing you guys all the other fun Scams on YouTube and TikTok Oh dude it's so bad The quarter pushing machine of like Guys who just have a webcam Guys own their own coin pusher And they're pretending like it's They're in a casino and they go Oh we're about to hit. Guys own their own coin pusher, but they set it up and make you think they're in a casino,

and they go, oh, we're about to hit $100,000 on the coin pusher. It's like a sculpture of $250,000 in poker chips sitting on quarters, and they're feeding in quarters. And then when it falls, you're like, oh, wow, jackpot. Just won $250,000. Oh, my God. It's guys250,000. Oh my god. 150 million views.

And the dick kept telling me I should do it. You should do it. Well, there's the videos of guys who buy one of the arcade crane games, and they put a bunch of iPhone boxes in it, and they go, oh look, I just won 10 iPhones because I hacked the crane game. It's so fucking retarded. I've never

seen anything more depraved. Like, oh, God, this is who people are. Look, you can win all the iPhones if you do this. And it's like, dude, that's clearly just in his basement. No fucking crane game is loaded up with 50 iPhones in a stack that you can just knock over. Empty boxes. Yeah. Oh, my God.

That's the video. You know what? I got to bring that in next week. I'll save it. I'm going to save that. That's going to be my problem. That's going to Oh my god. You know what? I gotta bring that in next week. I'll save it. I'm gonna save that. That's gonna be my problem. Well, I just won all those iPads. He just won $7 million in comics. That should have been his comic. The guy who wins the lottery. Well, I won the

lottery. I don't care about his money. Honestly, if he had a superhero, he's just like, and I won $10 million. He'd be like, oh, this is awesome. Yeah. Consumerism porn is good. Alright. like, and I won $10 million! He'd be like, oh, this is awesome! Yeah! Consumerism porn is good. Alright. Oh, alright. Everyone was correcting me about

Floyd Mayweather. Floyd Mayweather is not the one who knocked out Conor McGregor's leg. And I think I knew that, but I just knew that some guy he had fought had fucked up his leg. Oh, who cares? Yeah. It was an MMA fight. I don't even remember if it was Conor McGregor. Hey, V cares? Yeah. It was an MMA fight. I don't even remember if we talked about that. Hey, Dick.

Hey, Vito. Merry Christmas. Question for Vito. Vito, how do you decide what video game to wear in the morning? Fuck, I fucked that up. Shit.

Nice one. Was there going to be an insult to that? I guess so. Or was that the question? It's a normal question. It's a normal question. It must have been like...

I try to coordinate the hat with the color of the shirt I'm wearing. So, for instance, you see, I put on an orange shirt. Yeah. Shirt comes first. I said, oh, I'll put on an orange hat to go along with it. Thankfully, I have an orange hat. Very cool. Very cool.

Now we know. All right, let's do Super Chats since we fucked it up. Well, since Trixie fucked it up last week. Play this boogie clip at some point. We're going to play it during the Super Chat? Well, if somebody wants to Super Chat about it. Super Chat, remind us about the boogie clip. I don't want to just do a clip about myself if nobody wants to hear it.

If nobody wants to pay to hear it. All right. This is the last show before New Year's, guys. You know you're going to spend New Year's alone. You're not going out. You're not buying liquor. Why not spend it here on some super chats or send it to patreon.com

slash biggest problem and listen to the biggest problem holiday special 2023. Also available at back by slash biggest problem. Don't forget all the problems you've heard on the show here today. You can vote on at biggest problem dot show. Please vote. We want to see big votes on the

show. All right. You got to see big votes on the show. Alright, you got a long way to go from last week. Well, we just got to power through it. I don't even remember where we were at. Here, I can probably figure it out. Where's my mouse? Shut up. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I don't remember where Trixie yanked out the... Okay Okay we definitely read that We definitely read that I'm going to say We're right here Keemstar killed Erica Do we read that? I think you meant Etika

Alright well thanks guys we're going to start from last show Where again Trixie and a Last week's Superchats Half these guys could be dead. We don't even, what's even the point? We're gonna read them. CrossPurposes5, I'm done, dude. JoeCool42 says, Keemstar killed Erica. I believe you mean Etika.

RandomGuy42, don't kill yourself. Vito might get your stuff. Dean Shock for a big $20 says, I may be drunk, but I think you all skipped the intro and rhyme. No, we definitely did the intro last week. Another thing, didn't the guest last week explicitly not give you an N-word pass, Vito? Anyway, Merry Christmas.

He didn't have an N-word pass himself. He even said it with an A, and then he was like, oh, shit, sorry. He did not. Once you give them out, they're gone. You only get three. Yeah. A very sad cat for two, Vito's NWA cover group ends with questions. Sam for 10.

That's the new reparations. When black people are born, we give them an NFT of an N-word pass. Three. People will pay millions for that. Elon Musk would buy one of those. Sam for ten. Big dollars.

Love you, Trixie. That's disappointing. Been watching since 2013 so I'm pissed I can't stay for the whole show. Well, don't worry. You did stay for the whole show. The show ended short. Thanks for introducing me to the Dick Show and Biggest Problem. Yolando Finkelstein for two.

Dick, do you have a Neo Geo? No. I do. Cross Purposes for two. Definitely not going to Greenland. Don't worry. Jacob Wagner for two says, Vito, get Maddox to take your consoles. I think that man has done enough gaming for his life.

He's gamified his bed. Oh, he's a little more. Ash Vampire for a big $20 says, hey, Trixie, good to see you doing good for yourself after the drama from several years ago. I joined your server after your dick show appearance. Hope to be able to have good anime conversations with you again. There you go. I feel bad because Trixie was not able to do another plug because the show was ended

short. So I'll remind everybody, Trixie's new show is called Comments on Comments. Search for that on YouTube. Again, Comments on Comments. Going through hilarious comments on your favorite YouTube videos and elsewhere. Good show.

Cheese 1000 for $20. Merry Christmas to Dick and Trixie. The fuck? And Vito, if you're still under 300 pounds right now, Merry Christmas to you too. Well, I am under 300 pounds, so I'll take it. Okay, let's see. Joe Cool for five.

Vito, Rodium, Swapmeet, and Gardenia has a bunch of old game consoles and games if you want more stuff. I might check that out. Swapmeets have been, all the Swapmeet guys are just going on eBay now. Cool for five. What the fuck, Trixie? Don't tell them Moe's for PDF files. Leave us Kaon fans some plausible deniability.

Thank you for not killing yourselves. RoxanneKaiser5 asks, what is Trixie's fursona? Is Trixie doing the fursona? They all do, right? All the trans kids. Everybody has a fursona. Don't say that. What do you mean?

What's your fursona? Hyena. Bone mated. Okay. I don't have a fursona, sadly. What animal would I identify with? It's a big, fat, sleepy... I'm a bear.

I'm a bear man. No, no, no, no. You can't do that. Why? You gotta get it picked for you. I'm sleepy and I'm hungry. You don't get to pick your own fursona? No.

Lord Pepsi for five. Y'all ever go to the LA Goth Clubs? Merry Christmas. Lord Pepsi for five. Y'all ever go to the LA Goth Clubs? Merry Christmas. Not in a long time. I've never been to the LA Goth Clubs. I went to a goth club back in Massachusetts before they shut it down. How was it? Sucked. Goths are the worst. Yolanda Finkelstein for two.

I would absolutely watch the Vito's Diet Show. Well, we'll see what we can do. God of Hellfire for a big $50. Oh, wow. Says Vito, be fair. Okay. Thank you. Vito, be fair. Vito, be fair. Oh, that doesn't count, though. It's got to be V2, be fair.

Well, let me be... I will 2, be fair to this user. I suck, Hawks. There you go. Merry Christmas. Warren for 2. Weight gain Vito lard-ass Vito. Veto with the C-A-D. Okay, thank you. Don't laugh.

I didn't read it in advance. This ninja has a question. That was a good quote for me. Let's run with your idea for ten. I'm glad to have finally found another podcast worthwhile. Regular PKA viewer, thank you for not killing yourselves. Thank you. We're taking that whole PKA audience. Every single one of them.

Yeah, and we're taking Taylor. I want to take Taylor. Not Chiz, though. Take Taylor to move to L.A. and bring a third of the audience with him, and then he can have the third chair on this show. The whole thing, 80%. 80% of this show? No, 80% of the audience.

Yeah, bring 80% of your audience, and you'll get 30% of the proceeds from this show. You could live in my basement. Why not? Swammer Swan, Winter Raven for five. Happy% of the audience. Yeah, bring 80% of your audience and you'll get 30% of the proceeds from this show. You could live in my basement. Why not? Summer Swan, Winter Raven for five. Happy holidays, Vito. Screw the haters. Be happy and do you. I do. Cloud Raptor Destroyer for 10. Says money. That's the best super chat of all. Thank you.

Super chat the word money. Summer Swan, Winter Raven for five. By the way, Eric July is the fake Christian calling people names and being a racist misogynist is not a true Christian. That's true. He is a fake Christian. Slim Willis, 96 for five. By the way, Eric July is the fake Christian calling people names and being a racist misogynist is not a true Christian. That's true. He is a fake Christian. Slim Willis 96 for five. Wasn't sure how this was going to go since Trixie rarely talked on Monday Night Grift. Now I want to

see her back on here. Great problem. Trixie's great. Speaking of Monday Night Grift, in the new year we may do a Tuesday show. That's my hope. Butthole Weeb for two. Admit you eat butthole. Okay. Yolanda Finkelstein for five. What is the DIY estrogen made from? Please tell me

it's soy. Dang it. Good questions. I don't know what estrogen comes from. All good questions. Joe Ray for ten. Trixie, your lecture got me into the Dick Show. So happy to see you as a guest. This would have been a nice experience. This would have been so positive for Trixie. We're going to have to tell Trixie to listen to the show.

And ignore the part where I referred to her as a basement-dwelling anime weirdo. Which I think is a term of endearment. All anime weirdos should be in a basement. It's a great place to be. Great Guy Gabe for $2.79. My three favorite naggers. Spider Eternal for $2. I train in Jeet Kune Do, Vito.

You're full of it lol oh okay you're gonna beat me up you'd be i saw a lot of guys commenting on fighting too yeah and they all said i was right they all said i was right and you were wrong about what the chinese guy yeah you said all this chinese mysticism martial arts shit is like powerful and it's like now you just get a guy no i didn't say that I said that's stupid that's obviously he did not go to jail because he's going around fighting guys guys who are pretending to be karate masters

you said Jackie Chan was the most powerful martial artist that ever existed he is he could kill you just by saying your name probably give him a folding chair and I'm fucked drunken atheist studio for a big fire well you yeah I think that Jackie Chan with a folding chair could probably beat you. Drunken Atheist Studio for a big five. Well, you, yeah. I think that Jaggy Chan

with the folding chair could probably beat you up as well if he wanted to. Five bucks from Drunken Atheist Studio, who I've got to mention has been editing together our clips. We've got a new great clip on the channel. The famous pitch document. Blow up. We should put those, eventually we'll put those

up. Maybe if the Patreon ad hits and I put up that clip. No, the actual treatment. Oh if the Patreon ad hits and I put up that, uh, uh, clip. I know the actual treatment. Oh, the actual treatments. That could be a, uh, yeah. Something for people to figure it out. A very special goal. I was thinking about it and I'm like, we should just like film a pilot.

Why? Well, cause it would be, cause then we could go to people and be like, I think, uh, yeah, but you still need a treatment. No, no, no, no, no. Because we wouldn't do it as like an internet show. Remember how the internet funded that shitty, what do you call it? How'd it go? Mystery Science Theater.

It worked until they fucked up the show. Oh, so it didn't work. The most recent round of funding didn't work, but the last couple did. I think we said to the audience... Just like commenting on a movie, though? Like a commentary track? It's not like filming and editing and like a bunch of shit.

Patton Oswalt. Well, that's the thing is that they wanted like a million dollars. Anybody fighting with their wife? You got Patton Oswalt here. They wanted like a million dollars to get Patton Oswalt to comment over a movie and I went, well, that's ridiculous. I think we could do like a show. Fish Tank's going strong.

They got funding, right? Yeah, but there's no editing or anything on that. It's just cameras. I can edit. We can find editors. I know editors. People want to edit. They do not want to edit.

Drunken Atheist Studio edits all our clips for free, and I feel bad about it. They do not want to edit Drunken Atheist Studio edits all our clips for free And I feel bad about it We'd have to get Camera guys, lighting, sets All this shit It was like a sketch show I want to do that

People liked the USB stick bit That we can do I think we can do that We'll go to jail I think we have to look up We have to talk to a lawyer We'll go to jail Anytime you talk to a lawyer They're just, well don't do it You'll to a lawyer We'll go to jail Why they'll say Anytime you talk to a lawyer

They're just Well don't do it You'll go to jail We'll go to jail for a night We'll go to jail for 20 years man You're not gonna go to 20 We're gonna be sharing 20 years

Sharing a prison cell With Enrico Fucking Tirico Whatever his name was If we push a dolly Down the street And then spill a bunch

Of USB sticks Across the street From a polling station Yeah I don't think we're gonna go to jail That's fucking disrupting an election It's not disrupting an election How did any of those guys a bunch of USB sticks across the street from the polling station. Yeah. I don't think we're going to go to jail. That's fucking disrupting an election. It's not disrupting an election.

How did any of those guys do it? No, no, no. Listen, I will go to jail. Yeah, you'll go to jail. Yeah, I'm, there's no difference between them and me. Well, the prosecutor's going to have a very good case against you. Yeah.

Me, they're going to go, oh, he's a fat guy having fun. I'm going to say he made me do it. You can say that. That's a good argument. We can do the classic. We each blame each other. I understand your concerns with the legality.

I think there are rules about filming near a polling place. It's just embarrassing them. We do it in a different part of town, though. We're on our way over to the polling place. We're going to have to come out and say, we think Trump's a pedophile. Trump's an orange man bad. And then we did this jokey bit. It's real jokey. We'll have to have to come out and say, like, we think Trump's a pedophile. Trump's like an orange man bad. And then we did this, like, jokey bit. Like, it's real.

Like, we'll have to announce. Everybody, we're doing a jokey bit. It's a joke. We hate Trump. Oh, for those of you who don't know, this was actually, I thought this was one of the biggest problems. This was on the Dick Show. I did a guest episode. Oh, yeah, yeah.

We discussed my idea for an election fraud skit where we go in front of a polling place and spill USB sticks all over the ground. USB sticks marked fraudulent votes. We go, shit, shit, shit. Just shovel them back into the bag. Are you guys okay? Yeah, yeah. Just get out of here. Don't worry about this.

A tote that says, like, do not open until midnight on extra votes. Okay, but didn't Eric Andre do a bit where he had toxic waste, like a truck crashed And other things And he had like He was holding like a canister Yeah but first of all

He's black And secondly Okay He can get away He can do anything And it's not about the election So let's get a black guy We'll get me

Me and a black guy We chased off the one Black guy that we know Yeah we did chase off The one black guy You know I don't know any Not returning my calls.

All right. I'll ask Andrew Anglin if he knows any that he... Don't. Don't. It's that Scott Adams. Maybe he knows some great black guys. Uh-oh. Drunk at 80 Studio for Fives is Dick. If you enjoy Speedrunners, check out my buddy CHX42. Bunch of world records in Metroid

and Smash TV and other NES games. Oh, Smash TV. Ooh, okay. I've never played the NES version, weirdly. I've only Smash TV and other NES games. Oh, Smash TV. Ooh, okay. I've never played the NES version, weirdly. I've only ever played the Super Nintendo version. The NES version sucks? I love Smash TV, though. Gary always for two. YouTube wouldn't let me say Headlock. Too bad.

There's actually a new Smash TV type game on the Neo Geo and the Dreamcast I want to play. No. Yeah, it's not called Smash TV. It's made by a bunch of guys and it's clearly inspired by it. It's called Xeno. It's not Xenomorph. Did you play Enter the Gungeon? Xeno Crisis

it might be. I did play Enter the Gungeon, but I didn't like the rolling. Slim Willis 96 for 2. The Miggler did it again. Johnny Rock for 2. Maddox Blast. Coup for 2. Thank you all for not killing yourselves. You're welcome. And these are the new Super Chats.

Oh, okay. Thank God. These are the Glenn Gary Super Chats. The 200 bucks is in play. The steak knives are on the table. Moon Milk for five. I heard you like hot gauze. Have you heard about the compound media stuff?

Like Kumia bragging about me too or Chrissy robbing people, et cetera. I'm pretty sure I've talked about it. Oh, Kumia jammed his hand right up some chick's cunt or a guy's asshole. We went to the Anthony Kumiya meet and greet, and he left early. Open that asshole up. Boom, boom, boom, boom. I yelled at Anthony Kumiya at Josh Denny's comedy show. Oh, you did?

Yeah, by accident. Oh, what'd you say? Because it was either Josh or Carl on stage, and they were kind of killing it, but people at the bar were just like, you know, a comedian's talking. You shushed Anthony Cumia? I shushed Anthony Cumia. Wow. Because I wanted Josh and Carl to do well, and they were telling their jokes, and they

were really in the rhythm, so I went, hey guys, just keep it down or whatever, and then I realized I was shushing an extremely drunk Anthony Cumia. I went, oh, shit. I didn't know it was Anthony. I thought it was just some asshole. Because they were behind me, and they're just like, he's going, yeah, you know, all these fucking, you know, what do you call it? MNNs.

All these fucking MNNs are really ruining the country, and I'm really sick of all these Ns and whatever. And I'm like, hey, guys, it's cool. Just keep it. Oh, shit, that's Anthony Cumia. I went, uh, uh, uh. I can't believe you did that. I did not know I was shushing Anthony Acumia and I was honestly like

really embarrassed. I'm like, well, he's alive. It's Acumia. So we pissed off both of the headliners of that show. You, well, no, because I heard Gavin still likes me. Gavin McGinnis. He doesn't like you. Separately, Anthony Acumia likes me. Acumia likes you? Yeah. I was on PKA with him.

So you and Cumia are friends. Me and Gavin McGinnis are friends. And that's why we are not getting any more black guests on this show. Dominic Nukia for $22. Thank you. Thanks. Jihadobot for two says, I cuck socks. MSG Enthusiast for seven says, ooh, gonna shoot.

Cherdolph Sittler for ten, Theo Lee Ronan aka Michael Lawrence Parks was convicted on 9-21-2009 for sexual conduct with a minor in the state of Ohio. I don't think you should be reading all that stuff. I think that's that Eric July fan, no? Oh, yeah. You still shouldn't read it. Okay.

We don't know if this is true, and I will stop reading it now. Anything that sounds like personal information, they'll just go after you for. Yeah, that's a good point. That person doesn't exist. Thanks for the money, though. MintSalad's here for 10. Says, support indie comics and podcasts, and hire me as a colorist if you're making indie comics.

Thank you for MintSalad. MintSalad's colorist abilities are available. I saw she made the new Dick Show thumbnail, yes? Oh, yeah, it's great. Thank you, MintSalad. PW Project for 10. Happy New Year's, everybody. Let's fucking go. Jacob

Buckman for 10. Vito should take Boogie's meth advice. I don't think Boogie actually took meth. Yeah, he then said it was a joke, and he's so shocked that everybody thought his reputation was so bad that he would do meth. I would think Boogie would do meth, yeah.

He thinks he's better than doing meth. Like, he's not. He's way, way worse. He's done stuff that's way worse than doing meth.

He's broke. He's like, exploiting and fucking a mentally ill 19-year-old. He's lying about, lying about money for attention,

probably lying about cancer, and hoarding magic cards to pay rent. But he thinks he's better than meth? Well, there's somebody else he thinks he's a little bit better than. Dick, he thinks. Oh, you're not going to let someone super chat? He's a little bit better than you. Here, you're messing it up.

Yeah, I am completely fucking up. There. Recently, Dick went on the PKA podcast. What did you say about Boogie on there? He's a fat retard. Well, I don't know what I said. I think you said the Lowell Cowell podcast is unlistenable except for Tommy C.

Yeah, Tommy C is the only good part. We like Tommy C. Yeah. But Wings and Boogie are like in a contest to see who can lie about being a better person. Like Wings is talking about... Well, Wings was famously on PKA. He was popular on that podcast, right?

And he got kicked out because he sucks. Well, I think also he was, like, you know, serving the butt of the joke type situation on that show. Which is the one thing he could do. Right. Is be a punching bag. And then he couldn't even do that anymore. I think I should be on Low-Cal Live.

I famously put myself out there. Is that why? I think I should be on here. But let's hear what Boogie had to say responding. It's just like Wings and Boogie lying about trying to make everyone think that they're good people. And they're total pieces of shit. I think we should let Boogie defend himself. He seems to think you're wrong about

the show. I think Dick sucks. I think Dick sucks. I, you know, I think Dick sucks. You know, I'm pro-matics. And, like, I think Dick Madison had a whole lot of things with that, too. But you know what he did say? He said I was great, but you guys sucked. What do you think of that? I think that Dick wanted me on his show.

He thought I was so talented. He wanted me to be the co-host of his show. And now that he doesn't have me, oh, all of a sudden I suck now. Well, ho, ho, ho. I don so talented. He wanted me to be the co-host of his show. And now that he doesn't have me, oh, all of a sudden I suck now. Well, ho, ho, ho. I don't care. He said I was good. I'm not feeling this one. That's it? That's it, you fucking pussies? That's all you have

to say after every horrible thing that I fucking said? That's it? That I wanted you on the show because I thought you were good? That's your fucking response, boogie? That's his argument. And I support Maddox? Are you fucking kidding me? This is why you guys, this is why your guys' show fucking

sucks. You have no balls. You have no marbles. You remember this reference? I guarantee your girlfriend doesn't get this reference, boogie. Maybe if I had a cocoa melon reference, she would get that. Grow some fucking balls. Tommy C., stop smoking weed.

I love you, Tommy C. Stop smoking weed and get some fucking action on this show for God's sake. I got to say, they all sound like really morose and slow. Like, look at all the energy you just put into that. You're taking more estrogen than fucking Trixie the Golden Witch. Jesus Christ. I don't know. People listen to these shows where it's just like two fat guys and their buddy going, I

think that dick is the one who sucks. I was supposed to be on his podcast. I'm giving you gold here. I'm giving you fight, fight, fight, fight. Fucking wake up, you pussies. He wanted me to be his co-host. You know what, Keem? Keemstar, grab a bucket of sardines and hold it over the camera for these fat tubs of shit

to do some fucking tricks so you can have a show that's worth watching because this is dog shit! Send them some cocaine or something. They're all medicated out of their minds. I know. Both Boogie and Wings must be loaded up on more SSRIs than a fucking Sylvia Plath mega fan.

Yeah, you got to do something. You got to pick up the energy on this show. Dick wanted me for his podcast. So he must think I'm talented Threaten to get Boogie's Child bride a therapist Unless he builds up the energy So you're gonna bring Frank Hassel on the show

Unless Boogie Yeah, we're gonna get Dr. K in here You're gonna get sissy hypnotized If you don't pick it up And get your girlfriend to start stripping Which would be an upgrade From what she's doing now Did Boogie

Excuse me. Actually proposed to that girl or was that... He proposed to her dad. Was that also a goof? This was fucking a 50-year-old... Well, he did the old thing of...

A 50-year-old hippopotamus. Excuse me, sir. Could I ask for your... That's cool when you're like 25 and you don't really know your way around the world. You ask another 25-year-old. You know, actually,

that's like an 18-year-old thing. You know, know we're both children i just want to know if you bless this union i'm really gonna try my best when you're fucking older than her dad it's fucking weird to ask for her hand in marriage and it's definitely weird to announce it to the internet by the way you better start doing squats now bo, if you plan on getting down on one knee. I think it's customary if you're purchasing a child bride that you go to the father and, you know. Wayfair? Yeah, you got to offer him some money. You got to go, listen, clearly I have tricked your 19-year-old daughter into loving me.

Yeah. And by the laws of the state of Arkansas, I must now pay you for this child bride I have procured. What do I click? Get her dad a Rolex. Do I click this one? This one? No, no. Get away. Say, hey, thanks, buddy. I don't know what you did, but it must have been bad. Well, Boogie blasting you, but he did, he did, actually

he did respond to that tweet, I believe. Oh, he did? Yeah, hold on. There's a response here. No, you can't see it on me because he blocked me. Oh, well, I believe all he said was, you know, Vito is great on that show and he's definitely better than Dick. It was something along those lines. What the fuck? Do you want me to pull it up?

No, I don't care. All right. I didn't think you did. So, guys, don't forget, leave a comment on the Lol Cow podcast And let them know that Biggest Problem says they gotta pick up the energy That's the bottom line And now I gotta figure out where we are with the Super Chats Dick, anything else going on

In your life? No, not really What are you doing for What are we doing for New Year's? Where are we going? I have a reserved party. Oh, you're going to like a dance hall? Yeah.

Going to the local Friars Club to ring in the New Year? Come on, Boogie! You gotta be able to do better than that! Come on! Well, he's not a fighter. Boogie is a guy who just can't figure out. But he's a bad guy.

Yeah, but he doesn't lean into it enough. He tries to be a bad guy, and then when everyone goes, oh, Boogie the bad guy, he goes, what? Don't they know? It's just a character. See, there's a character I do, you guys. He keeps doing this character thing. Yeah. Yeah.

He did it on that fucking, here's why I lost all my- He paid hookers $200,000. That's his character. They didn't want to fuck him unless he gave them money. Isn't that basically rape? Like if a girl doesn't want to fuck you and you pay her money to fuck you, isn't it still kind of rape? It's a little rapey, but now I assume he's having sex with this

child of the straw he's kidnapped off the farm and lured into his dungeon. Forest Pub for five. Happy New Year's, guys. To many more years of funny. Happy New Year's to you as well. PSI Chris for two. Dick Raid points. 2024, biggest year in the universe.

Oh yeah, I remember this game. PSI Chris, okay. Remember I was going to rank everybody's points? Right. All right. Well, there you go. PSI Chris. You're in the lead so far. Two?

That's the lead? Or for the episode? It's not judged on money. It's just on my personal. Your personal opinion of them. I've got a criteria, you know. Brevity. Wit.

Style. Style. Style. Do I recognize you? Sure. Flattery. Flattery is going to be big. Too much, not enough. Flattery is going to be big, I feel, to win dick points.

Yeah. And congeniality. Congeniality. Thank you. Should be teaching Miss Universe contestants to not get out of the park. Can you give me a drum roll? I love when we get these big shows of support. From Low Water Mark with a big $50 on the board.

It says, Nick loves Dick. I could not say Dick per YouTube. So I had to spell it D-Ick. Thanks. Which Nick is that directed at? Nick Riccata or Nick Fuentes? Could be any Nick. St. Nick, perhaps.

St. Nicholas. St. Nicholas. Good St. Nick. Thank you again, Low Water Mark. Sterlip Rocke for two. What's good, Playboy? Not much. JJ for five gives two sunglass happy faces.

Wait, let me turn those back on. Turn them back on. We'll see if they're still lined up at all. Yeah, cool. Awesome. Jay Thompson for five. If you review Rebel Moon, please have the clip of Snyder disavowing Geeks and Gamers throughout. I thought about reviewing Rebel Moon.

I've honestly been doing a lot of catch-up work to end out the year. I got to give you money. No, I did give you money. You gave it to me. Okay, so we're clear on that. You gave me too much. I know. I had to get my money back.

So maybe I'm a little late to it. I still kind of want to do it. Schick for two. Thank you it to me. Okay, so we're clear on that. You gave me too much. I know, I had to get my money back. So, maybe I'm a little late to it. I still kind of want to do it. Schick for two. Thank you, Schick. PW Project for ten. This is literally like turning into The Daily Show slash Colbert Report before they all turned into lib propaganda brought to you by some really bad dudes who talk about your

jabs and other bad stuff. So we're like The Daily Show. That's good, right? I don't know. I watched those before they turned into shit. Yeah, The Daily Show used to be really good back before it got weird and not good. David March for five. I finally got the Steph meme. Thanks.

Is that because I uploaded the clip? Steph, who was on our show, Steph the Alter Nerd, whose channel is currently killing it if you want a lady with a British accent to a toilet accent. I like the accent. It's fun. People love accents. It's what makes YouTube go around.

Check out Steph the alternerd on YouTube. Her accent's like a garbage disposal. Oi! The other day I saw Aquaman, me did. Not a good movie, I should say. We're going a little too far. She doesn't sound like that. She sounds worse

than that. She's a lovely girl. She's very nice. Akin Trek for five. Been going through some shit. Can't thank you guys enough for giving me something to look forward to. Love you guys. Parasocial relationships. I love you too. I'm leaning into it, man. Everybody who sends a super chat, you're my nephew. And if you send $50,

you're my son. Spider Eternal for send $50, you're my son. SpiderEternal for five, you effed up, Vito. I felt the laughter coming on with the pouch line, and you sat on it like a fat man. Dick, that was a solid joke, and I'm sorry. Thanks. I gotta stop stepping on jokes. I'm sorry. That's okay. It's one of my problems. But we have a good

rat-a-tat, normally. We have a good rhythm. So sometimes I'm so caught up in the rhythm. Oh. So it's our so caught up in the rhythm. Oh. If I'm ever... So it's our fault. It's our fault. It's our fault. Okay. It's like a...

All right. PW Project 5. Also, I'm drunk and enjoying my holiday pay that I didn't care to screw. Also, I don't care, but like you guys, you're the coolest dudes ever. Can't wait for Super Killer Vito. Thumbs up. You're going to be waiting a long time. Shut the fuck up with this.

It's coming. All right? It's going great. Everything's going great. We're making great progress. Just print some fucking 3D shit to round it out. No, no. It's all being drawn.

The drawings look awesome. I love this guy. Aklovich for two. How much for a butthole coffee table book veto? 200 bucks. Butts Grenois for two. I didn't buy the comic, but I want the anus book. Okay.

All right. Send me 50 bucks. Butthole Weeb for two. Hey, pussy boy, why don't you admit you eat butthole? Who is this? He always asks about eating butthole. I love it. Andy Cleric for a big 20 Canadian. Hey, can you guys show my game Lo-Fi on PS5

and Steam? It's got collectible comics in it. If Vito wants to do some cross-promotion with Super Killer, I'll put my comic in your game. Wishlists, welcome. Thank you for not killing yourselves. Guys, check out Lo-Fi. That's Lo-Fi on PS5 and Steam. It might suck, though.

It might suck. But I like when our community is making stuff. Let's see. What comics is Eric Gilles' community making? The Adventures of... I forgot we still have our glasses on. Hey. Oh, yeah, there we go. All right, let's check out Lo-Fi on Steam.

Lo-Fi, available on Steam. I got to connect back. There's those guys making their furry tactics game. Oh, yeah, that guy gave me a business card that I was supposed to give to you, but I have it in the bathroom and I forgot to give it to you. I've been emailing with them, but now I can't remember the name of the game. It's, uh, fuck. That's shitty. but now I can't remember the name of the game. It's, uh... Fuck.

Well, that's shitty. I'm going to look up the name of the game. This is your game, dude? Lo-Fi? Is that it? With an IGN trailer? Well, maybe. Let's see here.

Really? Seems a little expensive. Is this his game? This might be a little expensive. Is this his game? This might be a different one. Looks good. Robot whores. He's going to be in the comments. He's going to be like, no, mine's the pixel art one where you just shit in a toilet.

Mine's like a JRPG. Yeah. No, our fans aren't talented enough to make this. Oh, that's cool. Our fans are definitely not talented enough to make this Alright, well there it is I don't know if it's yours Lo-fi, check it out Just watch it

And I will mention again Live by the Fur Tactics I've been talking to those guys They have another tactics game that you should check out You don't have a fursona? You've been talking to them this whole time? I guess I gotta make one If I'm gonna be an authentic marketer for the furry community

Whoever pays the most money gets to name Vito's fursona. Like, gets to make it. Whether it's like a... No, because it's gonna be like a fucking slug, like, shitting on itself. Like a big fat slug. Alright? Fuck, now it is gonna be that. Don't make that!

No one's fursona is a slug. Like, Santa Cruz has a slug. It's cool. Does he? I don't want a slug. I don't want a slug fursona. Santa Cruz has a slug. It's cool. I don't want a slug. I don't want a slug fursona. They're like one entire cock. That's cool. That's awesome. Yeah, keep it up. We love our people making stuff.

Silly Goose for five. Dick is the Rizzler. Rizzler. You see somebody else came up with the Niggler? What do you mean came up? Oh, someone else came up with it. Somebody else said the Batman villain the Niggler on Twitter, and it had like 30,000 likes. Do you think you're the first one to come up with that?

I don't even think I came up with it. No, you didn't. I mean, I didn't think I came up with it on this show. Right. There's like been pictures. It's not like a new joke. That's our thing. It's a good joke.

We should sue them. No, because we don't own it, because we're not the progenitors of that bit. I mean, we're the progenitors of our version of it. But there are pictures of black men in Riddler costumes and we're going to go, ah, what do you call them? How would it be black? I know what you're doing. Why would it be black? You're right. The niggler's a white guy.

We've met him. We've met him. The niggler's from Israel. Cool for two. How dare you dead name Trixie. But is that really a dead name because it was an online user handle? It makes it extra complicated.

I don't even know Digibro's real name. I don't even know their real dead names, so I can't dead name them. Maxwell 21 for $17. I'm not reading that. $17? It's your boy. Maybe it got forcibly transmitted because they're using a different currency.

Vito, it's your boy Prime. I was scrolling your Twitter today and got blasted by ads for renting out porta-potties. Don't know if that says more about my algorithm or your content. Happy New Year. Happy New Year. How do you get a porta-potty thing? I don't know. Spider-Eternal for two.

Dick isn't crazy. I also thought Rebel Moon was a Star Wars story. You guys are both nuts. But it's like... It would be called Rebel Moon, a Star Wars story or something like that. But Star Wars sucks, so they would try to sneak it in. No, they would put the Star Wars name in it. They always do.

Rogue One. What is even the difference? A Star Wars story. It's on TV, so it's like, all right, it's fucking Star Wars. James Gardner for 20 says, get Coke pens. My pens are fine. You don't need ones with a little cap. No, no, no.

Get rid of these. You got to take these home with you. Because I get them all over everything. Just be more gentle with them. Ralph is a cool psychopath. I want free shipping. Well, you're not getting it. Chloe Kandor for 10.

Super killer. Vito is all right, though I thought he was a pedo for a while. Thanks. But I don't now. Oh, wow. It's time to turn you around, and we'll see. Good-looking dude would definitely suck on that joint. Who, me?

Okay. Go frick yourselves or me. All right. Probably a kid doing that to trick you. You know what? I'm being catfished. I see through it. Chloe, I'm going to need to see a driver.

Two forms of ID before you can suck on my peen. Probably. And your middle school ID will not cut it. Size pick before that ID gets involved. Well, we're going to see a couple things. It's not. It's not. There's a transactional.

There's qualifications, sure. I'll take anything. Chloe, get over here. Pigeon for five. Throat it up. There's a transactional... There's qualifications, sure. I'll take anything. Chloe, get over here. Pigeon for five. Throat it up. Anti-cleric for ten. Canadian, just sent a problem to Vito's Twitter DMs.

No need to credit me. Just don't kill yourselves. Thanks. That's lo-fi with a W, by the way. Oh, you're right. L-O-W dash fi. I did do it right. Yeah, okay. Yeah, no, no, no.

He's just saying, you know, in case. Wastelisted. Because with stereos, you spell it L-O-5. Oh. Why'd you make it not spelled the way? I guess then you're completing with stereo advertisements. Yeah. You gotta give it a subtitle.

Call it like Lo-Fi, a cyberpunk adventure. Then everybody's not fucking around on Twitter trying to find it. Google. Yeah. Yeah. Very sad cat for 10. Call that pussy the Matrix, because I'm in this bitch and I can't get out. Last guy who ran off on the pack got choked out by some Givenchy gloves.

The last thing he ever saw was the price tag on him. Call that pussy the Matrix. I like it. Give me a quick drum roll here because James Gardner wishing us a very Merry Christmas. Scale bit, he says. $50. Got to be all at once, though. The scale bit. It's got to be all at once, though. It's a scale bit.

It's got to be all at once for the scale bit. It's got to be two. PW Project donated $200. Shut up. This is why I don't want to do the bit. Why are you laughing? There's nothing funny about it Oh my god

Well you gotta read more Well I thought I was gonna do the scale He's at the top He's at the top though You're not to him yet Butthole weeb for five Trixie is my friend No more being a pussy

D Masterson Have me on the podcast You eat butthole I'm coming for you No because all you're talking about Is eating butthole I don't want to talk about that I think you need to bring No, because all you're talking about is eating butthole. I don't want to talk about that. I think you need to bring him on to confront you.

I don't want to think about it or talk about it. It's gross. Warren for two says Double Stuff Vito keeps robbing his fans. Oh, PW Project. Shut up. 312. Let's go. Oh, 200 bucks.

Why are you upset? If you were under 312, you'd win all this money. I don't want to do this. But you win all this fucking money. Here he goes. Shut up. Here he's going. What?

Here he's going. Can you play this? Can you play the tuba song from Family Guy? Not yet. I'm playing the drum roll. I got my Bluetooth scale connecting device connected. It's the end of the day. Come on, it's not that bad.

Okay, I got to write it down. You can write it down. Just say it. No. Who are you talking to? It's the end of the day. I've been drinking lots of water. I'm wearing a lot of clothes.

How much water were you drinking? I drank, what do you call it? I drank a big horchata before I came over. How big? One of the big ones from the grocery store. It's all holiday weight. It's all coming off. Are you saving it or are you going to say it?

I'll say it at the end What a dumb bit I'm taking all that $200 I don't weigh $312 Shut up Hold on let me see There's no way I weigh more than $312 And we're re-weighing it if it says shut up

This is stupid Got for $5 Vito is lazy, large, and shameful Digi is not funny. Very creepy and uncanny. To listen to or work at. Look at. Masterson, you are rocking it.

Keep it up. Thanks, Gut. Thanks, Gut. David Gomez for five. Anti-woke stuff is awful for sure, but I'm not letting three-year-old dry spell 312-pound Vito tell me they're not hot on that calendar. They're not hot on the calendar. They're not that.

They're fuckable, some of them, but they're not like, oh my God. They're not fuckable the calendar. They're not that. They're fuckable some of them, but they're not like, oh my God. They're not fuckable, man. Have you seen the way they talk? The way they talk is the worst part about them. Yeah, well that's the barking politics in your ear the whole time you're fucking them. Well, thankfully immigration is out of control. God, shut the fuck up.

They need like one of those books where like it has like a little picture of each girl and you can press it to hear her go. I think the thing about fiscal policy is that the dirty Democrats need to get out of it and Joe Biden is going to let two women- It would be a fucking nightmare. Being with any of them would be a fucking nightmare. Golden books with the little thing. Joe Biden keeps letting immigrants rape our homeland. I could pull this string.

That thing. Yeah. The wheel. If it was the wheel of conservative women, I would buy that. If it pull this string. Yeah. That thing. Yeah. The wheel. If it was the wheel of conservative women, I would buy that. If it was a speak and say.

I have the same measurements as Marilyn Monroe. Yeah. Yeah. But Dabba do. I like talking to you.

Oh, Flintstone phone. Benjamin for five. Tim Pool doesn't have a sexy calendar, but he started a Timcast band called Timcast. Their song only ever wanted is my favorite song of the year.

He should hire all those girls to be his backup dancers. He will not shut up about that fucking band. Tim, just stick to one lane, you bald motherfucker. Killing yourself. Got for two. Hey, Vito, you should do 45 minutes on a postcard next. I don't get it. Rec on 1911 for 250,000 CLP dollars, which I think is 20 cents.

Two questions for Vito. Why are you so shy over a weigh-in? You're already over 400 pounds. Lol. Also, if you die, would you please send me your copy of Rokubu Apries? Rokubu, of course, being the anime basketball game populated by elementary schoolers. I should probably just sell that to somebody. I don't want it in my house.

Jack Rockstar for five Eric Sang essentially funded is trying to make him feel small and belittled the other people who donated yeah he's such a fucking asshole

also a thousand dollars doesn't make a comic so that's cause that's why the guy already raised five thousand dollars whatever

it's all stupid he's just such a piece of shit man he's a bad person you give him a little bit and he's like big leaguing and trying to fucking embarrass somebody for criticizing him i feel like we've given him every opportunity to just prove us wrong and be like no i am a nice guy you guys are assholes and instead he just constantly doubles down is an asshole and is a total shitbag asshole to everyone,

except for the people giving him money because he's manipulating them and tricking them into giving him money. He doesn't... I like that part. That's my favorite part because they're dumb. They're total pieces of shit who shouldn't have any money. I just... If you love that audience,

why do you constantly gaslight them with all this, we're all the most badass motherfuckers as it pertains to be. Do we still have these sunglasses on? We do. Can we get these? See, well, the ministry came in and they sued me. Well, you know, what it is is we both agreed to be in our lane. They in their lane of owning the trademark for what it is.

Trademark. Me agreeing to say that what it would be is we make the comic with almost no changes. So when we reprint, I saw one, I saw two. We're going to reprint them because we're in a universe. And I've worked hard. That's what I say to the haters. It's industry standard to use 3D technology. What I say to the haters is you're industry standard to use 3D technology. What I say to the haters is you're late.

You're late with your books and you have to... I don't know how to spell Goodyear and neither do you. Parentheses. Parentheses, girl. Welcome to the Ripperverse.

Welcome to the Ripperverse. Be great in parentheses. And give me your motherfucking money. What it is, is these people don't want to work. $35 for a comic book

and I didn't run a spell check at all. The customer's number one in the river. Real thugs don't spell check. Alright. Alright. Get rid of the shades. Okay, I'll get rid of the shades here. We love the shades.

Good. I'm sick of them. The best part about Eric's insane tweet is that the Immortal Rising guy, what the Reptards fail to realize is what Eric is doing is very stereotypical asshole behavior. Yeah, it's psychopathic. Just go, hey, thanks for your comment. I'm a million-dollar comic creator, and I'm going to keep making things and doing whatever.

You say something nice when you give somebody, if you're trying to big league somebody. You know what? I hear your criticism. I hear your criticism. I hear your criticism. I'm going to fund your comics so you know what it's like for this. It's not a fucking paragraph. You could just say.

A cope. Listen, there's a lot of troubles I face as a comic creator. And while we don't always get it right, I hope you'll trust I'm trying my best. I do care about the world of independent comic creation. And I notice you have a comic crowdfunder going on right now. In the spirit of the holidays, I want to kick in $700. I hope you'll see that I

do truly care about it. In the spirit of Kwanzaa. In the spirit of Kwanzaa, which I celebrate and every black man does celebrate. I want to see the comic community succeed. I hope you will consider this token some representative of my efforts in that regard. You're a nice guy.

Yeah, shit, that's a pretty nice thing to do. Instead, it's, oh, I noticed you can't even get your crowdfunded going, because I don't know if you looked at mine, but I made like a million dollars, you dumb piece of shit. So why don't you work on your fucking attitude and... First of all, this is what I want you to work... I want you to take this $700, which is not enough money for someone to eat air actualized cock. No. Right?

No. Like, here, you know what I'm gonna- $700 is not enough to be publicly- have a black man try to publicly humiliate you. I'm gonna fund your campaign. Here's $700. Now, you gonna listen to my timeshare lecture? No, I'm not, man. Go fuck yourself.

Wait, but you get free slot comps at the end of the lecture. I'll just go to a different casino. Why don't you go fuck your wife, you fucking fat piece of shit? Well, what are you going to do? Koof for two. Thank you all for not shaving off your balls. Thank you, Koof. Dean, shock for ten.

Hey, boys, hope you had a great Christmas. Love to see Uncle Eric. We shouldn't. No, I told you not to do that. Take more L's. It's funny how these Christian men have absolutely zero humility. It is seriously like God's favorite thing. We're not using Uncle Eric.

God, what do you want us to do? What do you want us to do? You want us to get these whores in line? Yeah. Okay, God. How about the beasts? Domesticate the beasts. Kill them.

You put them here for us to kill and eat, right? Yeah. And we are supposed to act like total assholes all the time, right? No. Don't do that. Not necessarily. Oh, God! Kind of busted our balls over here.

We keep the bitches in line and eat all these animals. We can't... We gotta act like assholes, at least a little bit. No. No. Oh, God! Come on, man! No, the Christians...

It's all about fighting with other people. It's all or nothing, man. Trying to humiliate them on Twitter. We're not going to keep these bitches in line if we can't be assholes. I guess that's what drives me nuts about a lot of these conservative, like, moral guys. Just trying to leave a good Christian lifestyle where I constantly tell everyone how they're fucking up and what I would do. I constantly call these women whores for taking their clothes off. Yell at them.

How come you're in the beer calendar? Well, this is wholesome Christian content. This is the correct amount of whoring. Did you see the cross hanging over that lady? We got two crosses. Yeah. Because it's in the reflection. It would be weird to have two crucifixes, so we made one and put a mirror.

How come there is no Jesus porn? Biblically accurate I guess he didn't fuck Yeah he did Did he fuck Mary Magdalene? He fucked a ton of women He died at 33 Jesus can't fuck

He did He was 13 too He fucked all kinds of sheep. He probably fucked his own mom back then. Well, he did fuck his own mom because God fucked Mary, so. True. It's incestuous. But I mean actually really the human version.

Okay. Well, you took it where it was trying to avoid going. Is that a quick sell for two? Skrulls went to shit with the new team on it. Yeah, they censored it. They took a bunch of stuff out of it for saying it was too racist and too sexy. Mitchell Schumacher for two. Shout out Keith Ratliff.

Great man. Gone too soon. RIP. RIP, Keith. Koo for two. Grooming is a bigger problem than grooming. Zeta Quixel for two. Vito is gold member.

What the fuck? Oh, why? Did he have a skin condition? I think he did. Rev for two. Please make is gold member. What the fuck? Oh, why? Did he have a skin condition? I think he did. Rev for two. Please make him stop talking, please. Oh, okay. Foxylator for two.

How much for Vito to scrape the putty live? How much? I'm not scraping the putty. I got to do it after a shower to loosen it up. Bats Grand Wham for five. Vito, didn't somebody send you a vessel to collect all your grease? I do have that grease vessel still. But then I saw one that has a little spout on it so you can pour the grease back out and reuse it.

Oh, fuck. That's waste oil. I don't want that. Spooky, says Pigeon5. Zolanda Finkelstein for five says, I didn't think Lululemon made men's clothes. Yeah, they do. If you weren't a poor asshole, you would know that. There you go.

Matt C for five. Came in late. Have we said hi to Maddox yet? Hi, Maddox. Enjoyed your Xmas dinner with various roaches and critters. I hope. Because he lives alone in a shack. Shred 2010 for 10.

Fingernail piles are the biggest problem. The arm of my couch is my main spot. Also, this tiny spot in the middle console of my car, even though there's a window there. Same problem. Soda cans are the big one, too. TBF. Oh, yeah, soda cans. Oh, God. I cans are the big one too. TBF. Oh yeah, soda cans. Oh God, I've drank in some fingernails. I was making sure

you didn't actually get me with a TBF. Oglovich for five. You probably have scapular plaque. Psyrus. Psoriasis. That's what I said. That's what it's called. If you have scabbing on your scalp, that's typically what it is. Okay.

I think I have psiris. Psoriasis. I don't know why. I see the P and it always fucks me up. You say you know what you have. I know, but I always see the P and I want to pronounce it. Yeah, it's poor psoriasis. Poor psoriasis.

Yeah. Matt C for two. Play the fatty clip boogie now. Vito, we did it. Ryan Young for 10. Maddox has my name on his website now. 17-year-old me would have been pumped. Yeah, that's true. It's magic. Oh, did you know that best page in the universe? I'm

on there. LP Dirty T for ten. Happy New Year's, everyone. Thank you, LP Dirty T. God of Hellfire for 20. Vito is a fat otter. Full stop. I'm pretending to be a furry, so this is sanctioned. Fat otter. All right. Otter is in the gay community. Otters pair up with bears, right?

I mean, not necessarily. Bears are like the big, like, beardy fucking fat gays. And otters are the little twinkie gay bearded gays. Well, not bearded. I think otters have to be bearded. Oh, they're not twinks. Maybe they're not bearded. They're just twinks. Maybe they're not bearded. They're just skinny and muscular.

They're a little smaller than the bears. Twinks are close to a woman. I think I used to be otter-sized. I'm now clearly bear-sized. No, I was! Go watch Young Vito. You're just normal-sized. I was an otter boy.

You have to put work into being an otter. I don't think you do. I think otters have bellies. LJ Cabrino for $1. Why even waste my time with that dollar? Thank you. Matt C for five. We should bring back punishment bits for losing the week before.

Vito is jolly enough not to spurg out every time he loses. If we think of a good one, if the audience thinks of a good one. Yolanda, I'll listen to Twilight or whatever. Titanic. You have to listen to child porn. What was your losing... No, no, no. What was your losing bit?

None because it wasn't a contest. My losing bit should be somebody has to send in some lolly cartoon and I have to just like hold it up next to my head. If I lose, then someone has to send me

a lolly. Yeah, someone has to send me a lolly. Yeah, someone has to send me a lolly pillow, and I'll pretend to be so disgusted by this lolly pillow. Well, on to Fingal C5. Roll together the USB stick gag and the blackface in the bathroom gag. The blackface in the bathroom gag is hilarious. He blackfaced me. Next time we go on a...

We should have done that at Adam 22's party I was gonna say No not at the party Come out Come out at Adam 22's party He put blackface on me He fucking held me down and put blackface on me No he held me down

And walked out and stand there What the fuck's going on What do you mean What do you mean what's going on We should have interrupted blue face Adam fuck's going on? What do you mean? What do you mean what's going on? We should have interrupted Blueface. What do you mean what's going on? We should have interrupted Blueface while he was rapping. Adam! Adam! What's going on? I passed out

for a second. I was drinking. I passed out. I wake up and this motherfucker blackfaced me. He fucking, look at his fingers. Look at his fucking, look he blackfaced my fucking fingers. Look at his fingers. He put this shit on my fingers too to make it look like I did it to myself. Would have been a good bit. I think we would have gotten in trouble at Adam 22's birthday party.

Captain Shakespeare for two. Sup beats sup. Captain Shakespeare. Gut for two. Ryan Dunn died in 2011 at the age of 34. Hey, I outlived Ryan Dunn. On the John for five, Eric July is unhinged on Christmas. He left a novel to comment.

Oh, yeah, I saw that. Yeah, he did leave a giant comment on a channel talking about how much Nick Ricada is a buster. Which I agree with. He is a buster. Okay, let's see. On the John 5, did you guys see Red

Bar did a small segment on you guys? I have not seen that. You didn't read the whole comment. Oh, Dick, I think you're safe. Vito, you might want to watch your back there, bud. We'll have to check out the Red Bar segment maybe on the next episode. Jose M for five. Conservative dad is the Eric July of shitty beer and Coomer calendars.

Utah-based Armenian for two. Hey, Vito, thanks for red-pilling me on the JQ. No, I did not. I didn't. I've been trying to this whole time, but you did it, apparently. Yeah, I know. I love the Jews. Oklovich for two. Vito is Jabba the slut. Can I get, like,

a nice comment? What was that thing about Redbar that that guy was talking about? Redbar apparently watched our show. But it was stupid, because it's like somebody left a comment, and they're like, would you guys have Red Bar On the show And I basically said I heard that guy

Doesn't leave his house but I meant Not like he's a shut in loser I meant like that he doesn't go on Other podcasts that's what I meant Maybe I didn't phrase it Maybe I didn't phrase it in the right way Well I never see him on anyone else's show I mean I never heard of that way to say it

I mean he doesn't travel He's show. I mean, I never heard of that way to say it. I mean, he doesn't travel. He's not coming to L.A. Oh, I see. That's what I meant. Like, if he comes to L.A., I'd have him on the show. But then he went on this big tangent about, I wouldn't even go on your show. And I'm like, well, I didn't think you would. Like, that was the point I was making.

No, he sounds very distinguished, and he's a very talented broad. I wouldn't even go on your show. Honestly, I've watched it. He's got a good radio voice. Oh. And he's got a good look. He actually, like, preps. Gets his hair looking nice.

Doesn't he look like Marc Maron, but, like, a man? I guess maybe you could say he looks like a Marc Maron. Like a Marc Maron, but that transition to a man. All I know is his Steam Deck is always firing on all cylinders, whereas you go scrambling for the Price is Right theme or whatever it is. There you go. You got one.

Well, because I put pictures on here because you can do that, and now I don't know what any of the pictures mean. Wow, that sounds like a problem of your own making. Look. Yeah. Well, why don't you just put also words with the pictures? That one says drum roll.

Because it's hard to. I know what that means. Do you need me to make little graphics for each of your stupid buttons? No, I don't want you to make it and make it a big fucking problem. It's not a big problem. I can make graphics. Look, there's a retarded girl. Great.

What is that? Got a helmet. What is that one? I'm a retard. Thanks. I'm glad that one's there. This one's obvious. A ding. I want my own. I'm getting my own stream deck, so I'm a retard. Thanks. I'm glad that one's there. This one's obvious. A ding.

I want my own. I'm getting my own stream deck, so I have my own soundboard. I almost got you one for Christmas. I could get another one. Can you plug two in? Can you have two running? No. Oh, you can't?

No. Shit. Can you double up that one? No, it's just. You're fucking with me. You can have two. You just don't want me to have a soundboard because I would play hilarious clips during the show like Carl from who are these podcasts

I got all these Simpsons clips queued up and play them endlessly eat my shorts eat my shorts I'm the Bartman I'm the Bartman every episode why even watch Simpsons when you can just watch any episode

of WATP and get basically about 75% of a Simpsons episode? Eat my shorts. The Raven. Eat my shorts. Bart, stop it. Hey, Finn. Why do they put in all this other shit? Wait, why are you playing all these WATP clips?

All right. All right. Let's see. Jose. I did that. Is that a quick sell? Yes. Cr's see. Jose. I know I did that. Zeta Quincel. Yes. Crinkling Wolf.

No. I don't know what that is. Is that a person? Zeta Quincel says Vito's persona would be a Crinkling Wolf. Yeah, but that other guy already paid $20. So, nope. Oh, okay. Justin Rowland for five says Vito would be a walrus.

Five bucks. No. Fat Otter is still the winner. Shakespeare for two. Tim Pool looks like he doesn't brush his teeth. Claptrap for five. Mo money. Mo biggest problems.

I agree with that. Hosea M for five. Red and Eric July's voice. You see these weirdos are jelly in what it is that it is. And only X dollars until X total books sold. And it's like add an addition. And when you got a comic book in a minute. I'm not.

We're good. Butthole Weeb says I'm gay Well thanks Butthole Weeb Good to see you Guy to Hellfire for five Why do you think LGBT When I said otter I thought that was

A LGBT thing The otter Isn't that part of Yeah otter is It's a gay thing Yeah Yeah There you go

We got one more Super chat here Oh Crazy Cat for five Vito Dick Vito is leaving out the part When Red Bar said he loved you, but he's going after Fatty.

He really likes you. Who's he talking about? Boogie? Well, he You? Yeah. Does he know about your weight loss, though? Well, you know what it was is that he was commenting because I guess he went after Def Noodles at one point. Remember Def Noodles was on our show? Yeah. And somebody left a comment about Red Bar.

Yeah. So I think that was the thing is that he has a problem with Def Noodles and we had Def Noodles on and we were talking about him and he's like, ooh, these boys. And now I'm gonna be on another episode of Red Bar. I dimly remember Red Bar like when I just had

Men Are Better Than Women up. That's the thing. Somebody posted the clip. But that was like ancient radio shit. Somebody posted the clip. That was like ancient radio shit. Somebody posted the clip of him being like, I feel like I know this guy, but I don't know who the fuck he is. And it's like, well, he was on your show. I drank a lot. It was like 10 years ago. I'm going to say this.

I don't know what to say. I don't want to fight with Red Bar. I don't want to deal with this shit. Seems like a very nice guy. What a boogie answer. I'm fighting with enough motherfuckers. I don't need to fight with another podcast or some stupid He thinks I was trying to insult him when I said I don't know anything about him.

All I know about him is he's got a nice look. You told that story when he went on the Compound Media and then shit all everyone. Yeah, we should play that story because that was a nice thing we said about him, that he broke ties with all those Compound Media guys. It was funny. But again, that's just like stories other comedians have told me. I don't watch the show, so I don't know everything about him.

He thinks me saying I don't know anything about him is a dodge. So what I know about him is that he... You gotta fight him. Again, I already told the story of what I know about him. Seems like a nice guy. You gotta fight him. He's got a good broadcasting style. I was like, this is a pretty well-produced show.

He's got a girl on. You know what we need on this show? Don't say a girl We need a girl No Be hilarious How How big are her tits? I don't know

You're not gonna see her She'll just be off to the side What's the point of We're gonna get Trixie It's just nice Too much estrogen for my The clip of us fighting about The TV pitch

It's kind of nice to have an uninvolved third party To like kind of egg it on It was pretty funny So you want like that girl, Steph? No, not her A new girl A new girl Yeah

One who you know I understand the words Coming out of her mouth Well cool Blimey When I think about this here TV pitches When I was in Greenwich

I certainly saw A couple TV shows Come down She'd be from Leeds I paid for my TV license That's how I would watch TV shows. What do I weigh? Here's the weight.

I'm taking this 200 bucks. 302. No, I don't. .7. No, it's not. Yeah, it is. No, that's wrong. 302.

I weighed myself like two days ago. It was 285 or 295. Vito, you're 302.7. It's not 302. Look. Look. Look. All right. I'm wearing a lot of clothes I don't believe it It's all water weight

It's all going to come right back off I've been drinking a lot of fluids Hold on There It's going to come right back off I'm telling you guys in January I'm going to be working out It's all going to come back off. I'm telling you guys, in January, I'm going to be working out. It's all going to come back.

I'm going to lose enough. It's going to come back off in two seconds. You think my skill's lying? I think I'm wearing a bunch of clothes right now. How many clothes? These pants weigh like five pounds. Oh, okay. They're my five-pound pants.

Okay. Do you have any fishing weights in there? When I weighed myself without the clothes on like two days ago it was like what 295 i don't ask me i don't know i just know that i'm keeping track of it look wait weights can fluctuate wildly 40 50 pounds and i'm always doing this show at the end of the day after i've already eaten and i've already drinking a bunch of fucking liquids okay and then in the morning i weigh myself and it's all gone Regardless I'm under 312 You fucking psychopaths

So you get 200 bucks What's the fucking problem And I get a million comments You know what this is why I didn't want to do it Why you're making a big deal about it What a fat fatty fat It's all coming back up All you had to say was oh yeah, yeah, that's what I thought.

But now you're like, no, that's impossible. Now people are going to make a big deal about it. It's going to be good. I got a whole plan. I got a whole plan. All right. In the new year. Guys, can we get the list of our supporters?

Did you ever fix that graphic? Is that the new one? Yeah, that's the good one. Okay. Thank you to everybody for supporting the show. I must remind you one more time. Don't forget, check out all the bonus episodes on Patreon. Please vote! We need votes, guys! That's the core of the show.

A lot of people are listening to this show and they do not go to the website and vote. You guys are fucking up. You gotta vote. Come on. Biggestproblem.show. It's the lifeblood of the show. We got merchandise now available. You can find that link on our website. Biggestproblem.show. You gotta have a Trots Me shirt. We're gonna put available. You can find that link on our website. BiggestBomb.show. We're going to put up more shirts as we have

them available, including the much elusive Trucks Me shirt. That's going to be a limited time. I can already envision it. I've already got it in my head. Just that truck with the wheel turning in and then Trucks Me. I want to do it in that 70s font below it. The script, baseball

font. What? The keep on trucking font. I did a shirt like that. I know you did. Trucks me, though? That's keep on... Oh, okay. But trucks me, that's not really keep on trucking. No, I'm just saying the font, the generic...

I'm picturing a font in my head. That's too much work, though. It's not. No, no, no, but it's like, the point is that it's no work. The truck is just 3D. So we'll just do it in like fucking Comic Sans or some shit? No, just whatever is default. Whatever the default. We can use MPEG.

We can use regular block letters. Yeah, Arial or whatever. Verdana. I don't know. Verdana is a little too much work. Uh, Copperplate. Arial's right at the top. Copperplate, Century little too much work. Copper plate. Aerials right at the top. Copper plate century gothic or whatever.

All right. Goodbye, everyone. Patreon.com slash biggest problem. Biggestproblem.show. Don't forget Vito's Wheel of Consoles. Coming soon to Whatnot. The biggest scam on the internet. I have some consoles for you.

Well, we can sell them. I'll add them to the wheel. Just take them. I just don't want them. All right. I got no problem with that. All right. Goodbye.

Bye.