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Discussion (0)
Hit the one that hits fade 300, right?
Can't you click it?
300 milliseconds?
I don't know.
Oh, wait a minute.
Oh, shit, it went on.
Yeah.
Well, I guess next time.
There's always next time.
We had a comment from someone saying that our jarring transitions from the opening into the actual show are throwing off the juju.
Why don't you transition my nuts in your mouth, whoever
said that. I think
Thank God
there's no guest. I saw that in the chat.
What is that about? I like, alright, look.
I tried to get a guest. It was a girl.
When's the last time?
Is this the only girl we've had? Steph,
the altar nerd? And Trixie,
what's wrong with you? You're right. We've had
a woman. The last guest we had
transphobic comment
that you've made
I forgot
already
fuck
guests don't come on the show
cause you're always so rude
about them
after they're
when they're not here
what are you talking about
you're always like nagging
when the guests are on
you're like
all of our other guests suck
but they know that
like they hear you saying that
and they're like
they're gonna talk shit about me
no I don't talk shit
about the guests.
Oh, let's hear in chat.
H if Vito talks shit.
Well, S if Vito talks shit.
I'm very friendly towards the guests.
But other guests.
You, like, neg other guests to look cool in front of the guest who's here.
But in their mind, they're like, oh, shit, does that mean they're talking about me when I'm not here?
I don't know if that's what happens.
I love all our guests.
Which one do you love the guests. Which one do you love
the most? Which one do you love
the least? Uh... You've said
it, man. Probably Mr. Girl, because
you had that big fight with him on the show. Well, the Mr. Girl episode
was a disaster.
I've said this before. Me and Mr.
Girl have, like, great... S! Everybody's
S-ing in the chat. Yeah, whatever.
For talking shit. I do not talk
shit. Uh, me and Mr. Girl have great conversations. Mr. Girl and I. in the chat. Yeah, whatever. For talking shit. I do not talk shit. Me and Mr. Girl
have great conversations.
Off the air.
And then anytime I get him on a podcast
he's like deadly serious
so he can't joke around. And I'm like, what's going on?
He has like
a broadcast persona. What do you guys
talk about when you're off the air?
For some reason the topic always comes back to
transgender stuff. Oh, I see.
I don't know how it happens.
Did you see what's going on with that?
Two good old boys from Massachusetts talking about
trans penises for an hour.
Talking about trans penises, talking about
what you crazy
conservative morons are doing.
Oh, what us are doing. Yeah.
Did you see Nick Ricada on Destiny today?
I didn't. Was it good?
I mean, not for you. What do you mean not for me?
If you can watch that interview and
come away with it thinking that your
version of Trump doing
any kind of fraud at all is
valid, then
you're not going to make it. Are we talking about that call?
I was listening to Destiny. It was
the Trump call when he was trying to get him to find
11,000 votes or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was listening to that call and I'm like call when he was trying to get them to find 11,000 votes or whatever.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I was listening to that call, and I'm like, yeah, I don't think that's illegal.
I'm pretty sure it's not illegal.
Yeah.
He's just kind of being like—
He's here.
It's not illegal to be the president and go, hey, I think you got a bunch of fraud down there.
Why don't you fucking crack down on these guys?
Yeah, he was making his case.
I mean, he's still delusional, the things he was saying, when the guy's like, we've checked all that.
There's no fraud there, but it's not against the law to be a check it again you ever deal with the government check
it again sir we don't show a house at that residence well i'm in it right now why don't
you check it again no i already sir already done checked it sir sir don't get that attitude with
me sir my computer says there ain't no house at that residence.
But he was talking to a Republican mayor, right?
It's like if that guy thought there was fraud in favor of Trump, he obviously would have been like, yeah, of course.
He's talking to a rhino.
Yeah, well, that's the thing.
You think he's one of those sneaky never-Trumpers?
Get him out?
They're all never-Trumpers, man.
They're all never-Trumpers. It's just us and Trump against the government and against Jeffrey Epstein.
Did you make it on the list?
I didn't, sadly. I was really hoping. against the government and against Jeffrey Epstein. Did you make it on the list?
I didn't, sadly.
I was really hoping.
Although I don't know if you saw my court transcript.
There was one mention of me in the Epstein files.
Oh, you didn't see that?
No, I didn't.
Is it part of Vito's Twitter? It's part of Vito's Twitter.
Vito's Twitter's been rocking this week.
Vito's Twitter is on fire this week.
My Twitter is the best Twitter.
How much money you making there?
30 bucks I got from Elon Musk.
I got like 70 bucks this week.
What?
How?
I got from Twitter.
I don't know.
You didn't do anything good.
All my tweets have been fucking bangers.
How'd you get 70?
Ripping on Eric July, I guess.
I don't know.
I got that whatever crowd.
I thought, you know what?
Remember I had that big Invincible tweet that got like 15 million views?
Yeah, weird one.
Yeah, same month that every advertiser left Twitter.
So I made nothing off that shit.
Oh, man.
Where's my violin song?
Fucking, uh, Musk is fucking it up for me, and he's fucking it up for everybody else.
I want my Twitter money.
All right.
I wish that no one would get that money.
I wish I could give my money back so that none of these fuckheads that are big tweeters
would get any money.
Well, I'm working on getting it.
Okay, ready?
Yeah.
To do the show?
Oh, is that what we're doing?
The show.
I told you to drink the whole coffee before the show, didn't I? Biggest Problem in the Universe.
People hate your variations.
Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe. The only show that ranks every problem in the universe.
The only show that ranks every problem in the universe.
From godly women trying to tease.
Yeah.
To scraping Vito's nasty head cheese.
I'm Mark Vandaloo.
I'm Dick Masterson.
Joining me as always is Vito Giswold.
Hi, Dick.
I'm very excited to be here today.
You get a good scrape in before the show?
I bought a scraper.
Was it for humans?
It hasn't shown up yet.
Oh.
Apparently it's very normal.
To have head cheese?
It's not head cheese.
It's just, it's, it's.
Head goo.
Seep them, they call it.
I got a lot of seep them.
Please don't tell me it's called sepum.
I think it's called sepum.
It could be sepsom.
Sepum.
Damn near killed him.
Sepum damn near killed him.
I got too much.
Doctor, I...
Doc, I was sleeping with my live-in rent boy,
and I got all this cheese coming out of my head,
and he was choking on it all night.
Was there anything I could do?
And the doctor says, seep him?
And you go, damn near killed him.
It doesn't really work, though.
I got there.
Because it's not rectum.
Yeah, I've been killing it on Twitter, having fun.
I have a new viral tweet with now six.
You said Big Mouth is a pedophile?
No, that one I took down.
So now there's no record of where it came from. with now six. You said Big Mouth is a pedophile? No, that one I took down.
So now there's no record of where it came from.
So the Big Mouth guys are like,
that's a fucking fake tweet.
They're like, well, then where did it come from?
Okay, I realized I never,
I don't know if I ever brought this up on this show.
Okay. And I should have made a video about it.
Okay.
So I have the Victory News Network account,
which sometimes I remember exists
and then I make a fake stupid news story
and it's funny.
Right.
So at one point I did one for, did I talk about this, the sound freedom guy?
I think so.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I said, uh, he wants to microchip your kids.
Yeah.
I did a search for that again today and people are still posting that fake news article being
like, well, you can't trust the sound of freedom guy.
He's trying to put microchips in all your kids.
And I'm like, it is just way too easy to make fake news.
It's like actually scary.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I like, it's kind of too much power.
Look at this.
What, you took a shower before I got here?
Oh, yeah.
I forgot to dry my hair off.
Why don't you just take a Mexican shower?
The fuck is that?
That's when you just spray deodorant on yourself and don't take a shower.
Is that an Italian phrase?
Yeah, that's what we call it.
The Italians aren't criticizing anybody for smelling too much?
Are you fucking serious?
It's not an Italian phrase.
Columbus-
That's a Connecticut phrase.
Sailed around the world to buy more things to stink with.
That actually comes from-
Oh, I come back with more perfume from the Orient.
Hey, hey, paisanos.
I got a bunch of fucking perfume and spice over here.
I must be fair.
That comes from my wasp side of the family.
That's a wasp saying.
Speaking of wasps, don't forget Cyberfrog.
Now available on Indiegogo.
Oh, Eric July's really, really fighting with everybody.
Who's spurging out more this week?
Let me ask chat that.
fighting with everybody.
Who's spurging out more this week? Let me ask chat that. Eric July,
who ended
2023 on a high note, said,
I'm above all the drama, and I will not
be engaging
with these drama farmers. Immediately
started 2024 by engaging
with drama farmers. I can't tell you
who you're talking about because of your accent.
Well.
Who
spurged out more this
week? Eric July
or
Maddox?
Maddox is still posting
new chapter updates of
the video he's already released.
Which is becoming more and more
pathetic by the day. Why doesn't he just put
them all out at once then? Why doesn't he just blow his more pathetic by the day. Why doesn't he just put them all out at once then?
Why doesn't he just blow his brains all out at once?
Why doesn't he, like...
What?
What are you doing?
I'm just making sure the show's working.
I don't know, man.
Why doesn't he just, like, make a different video?
Yeah.
See, it's working.
When did that video come out?
Like, beginning of December?
Yeah.
He's taking back Maddox he's going to send
the next six months just doing and he said he's looking for a lawyer to get a restraining order
against you against these nuts can't you just give him one like who cares you don't want to
be maddox i don't want to restrain or you lose your guns dude are you fucking nuts oh really i
will go you lose all your you lose your. You lose some sort of gun privileges.
I don't think that's true.
You get put on a red law.
Why would I give him anything?
I only take.
It's not that I'm saying you have to give him one legally, but I don't know why he needs
one because you're not making any effort to be near him.
So people stop making fun of him.
Did my voice just go down a pitch from drinking this coffee?
I told you to drink it before the show.
You're going to get all fucked up and goofy halfway through.
I am going to get goofy.
I'm going to have a goofy Gus on the show.
I did a bonus episode where we watched Maddox's
thing, and we got to the part
where he takes back Maddox lost.
So he took it back.
He said it's the greatest
moment of my career that I got
rid of all you people.
All of my fans that were once his fans.
Thousands upon thousands of fans.
Yeah, so say it proudly, Maddox lost.
I lost all of you as fans, and there's nothing that makes me more proud than that.
It was the fucking weirdest thing.
He, again, I mean, I already made this point.
Pathetic.
Who did he make this video for? If not to convince His old fans
That he's not such a bad guy
He said this one's for you pops
Right
Sorry
I don't know where Armenians go
They go back to the dealership
They go to the big dealership
In Sepulveda
So the video isn't for any
Here's the thing.
You should make two different arguments.
One is that you've been misled against me.
Uh-huh.
Right?
That Dick has lied about me
and that's the reason you don't like me.
Yeah.
But also, because you fell for those lies,
I hate you.
And I'm like, well...
You know what?
To ruin your lies.
Yeah.
I'm like, then why even address the lies to begin with?
Whatever lies you perceive,
why not just go, well, if they're dumb enough to
fall for the lies, I don't want them to be my audience anyway.
Instead, you're simultaneously trying to convince
them that they are lies and mislead.
Yeah, that they've been misled.
That they're so stupid for falling for them that you hope they never come back.
And that it's the
most proudest thing of your whole career.
The most proudest thing of your whole career is a hashtag
that I made.
There's no...
Why don't you just stream as a banana
again? It was such a simpler time.
Everyone liked the banana. I liked the banana.
Are you ready for this?
Big leaguing won. Big leaguing. Big leaguing won.
Big leaguing.
Big leaguing.
My problem.
And your other problem was fingernails, right?
Well, yeah, but that was last.
That came in last.
There was a lot of prejudice against that problem.
Just people reacting emotionally.
A lot of people said they gagged while listening to the episode.
That was because of the head
sheath stuff, though, not the fingernails.
I don't know. Some guy said his girlfriend did it, so
I'm like, well...
Next time I...
For everyone to do it, then, if a girl's doing it.
If it makes a girl upset, you did something wrong.
No, she also does the fingernail thing.
I think next time I shave my head,
I'm going to show you guys how much I can scrape off the top.
I'm just going to make a little video.
Can you vape it?
Yeah, let's vape my head sheaths.
Not let's.
If I bring in my head sheaths, do you want me to put it in?
No, I don't want it in my house.
I'm going to sneak it in.
Throw it in the shit pit.
I'm going to sneak it in, and I'm going to hide it somewhere in your house so you don't know where it is.
The dog will find it.
The dog will find it?
Yeah.
Your dog loves licking me, so whatever's coming out of my body must taste delicious.
Yeah.
I think I'm constantly leaking marinara and olive oil is what it is.
Because your dog runs, every time I come over, the dog's not happy to see me like a dog's
happy to see a human being.
The dog is literally like, oh, snacks here.
Awesome.
Snacks.
Oh, boy.
Bacon bits just walked through the fucking door and the dog's just licking me all over.
Like a trash bag from McDonald's just walked in the door.
Your dog views me as a leaking bag of McDonald's that it can lick.
I'm glad you said something about it.
She is like, whoa, yeah.
That's the excitement I see in your dog's eyes.
It's not friendly puppy.
It's ravenous creature excited for a taste of something good.
Every time I come through that door, I'm like, yeah, you can lick me.
All right.
What do you got here?
What do we got?
It tastes like horseradish.
What do you got over here?
Ooh, this is a new taste.
Somebody spilled some garlic all over themselves.
I'm going around the Orient with this.
What's over here?
We're tasty people, the Italians.
All right, so the winner was...
We are.
It's our way.
We get our Vito-flavored kibble.
I should be selling some sort of Italian snacks.
Pokeyman's selling what?
Black label cookies or whatever the fuck?
Cookies.
White label, is that what you call them? I don't know.y Man's selling what? Black label cookies or whatever the fuck? Cookies. White label.
Is that what you call them?
I don't know.
How is she selling them?
If it's white label.
Layaway?
Yeah.
That would be black label.
I gotta do that.
I'll sell pepperoni bites.
Okay.
So...
Wait.
So the winner was big leaguing.
Big leaguing.
Cutting yourself shaving was second.
That's a big problem.
That should have been higher.
Big problem.
What was third?
Conservative porn.
Yeah.
Sorry, girl's still going, too, posting her tits.
Yeah, why is she the one who's like, so wait, she debated somebody, the red-headed libertarian?
Is that who it was?
A black Christian.
Okay.
And then, oh, no, that's somebody else.
Somebody was on Alex Stein's show, I think.
The red-headed libertarian who's just like a, she came off like a huge bitch.
Don't you think?
Because they're all huge bitches.
Well, you know, I don't.
Oh, man, you got to just like don't ever talk like that.
I thought the face was bad, but oof.
Conservative women.
A voice for, a face for dating. Yeah. And a voice for Tinder.
They don't understand part of the trad wife thing was that the trad wives kept their mouth shut.
Or else they got one of these.
Exactly.
Why don't you bake this pie?
We need a traditional lifestyle.
Good.
Shut up.
Shut the.
Daddy hits you with a sack of onesies.
Oh, it's so bad.
Yeah.
Just women yapping.
Okay. Oh, my God. I got just women yapping. Okay.
Oh, I got so much stuff here.
The Soska sisters.
I don't even want to talk about Eric July anymore.
The woke.
The Soska Me Too sisters.
Yeah.
And they want to trans kids, too.
The Soska sisters.
Did you see that?
They do want to trans kids.
They want to cut your kids' dicks off or put a dick on your kids or something.
Well, I think what Eric July is learning is when you want to hire good writers, you're going to end up hiring liberals.
It's kind of...
Or else you end up with Chuck Dixon.
He's fine.
He's also like a million years old.
That's what I thought.
I'm like, well, wait a minute.
Doesn't this kind of prove that woke is good?
Good, yeah.
Good for doing art.
Okay.
Turns out the wokes are usually pretty good at writing.
Have fun selling me too to your audience of neck bearded retards.
Hopefully.
Well, hopefully he came down hard in the editorial room.
I'm sure he's really whipping those ladies into shape.
What if they meet too?
He goes, can you make ice thong bigger?
And they're like, yeah, we can make a bigger egg.
Cool. Cool.
Okay, Ben asks.
Is that how you spell goodying?
Yes, Eric.
We've discussed this many times.
Okay.
Ben asks, I've watched my 12-year-old brother-in-law watch fake versions of spinning gotchas in
a racing game where the guy gets an epic car every single time, and he honestly believes
they're real.
We were talking about those preposterous fake gotcha games
that have 150 million views on YouTube,
which is blackpilling, I guess.
Yeah, I'm really blackpilled on the fact that
most of the viral content you see is just fake.
Fake gambling.
Fake gambling.
Fake loot boxes or a guy claiming that he's a billionaire and he's gonna make you
a billionaire like he is it's all just fake we're really making content for like a one percent of
people that's the entire i took a video and i added fake dialogue to it and it's gotten
like six million views on twitter and i'm like yeah nothing's real and there's no reason to
make anything real anymore because we all just live in a society of lies.
And then dogs eat your clothes.
Do you have trouble walking by homeless people?
What's that?
No, mostly just walking by dogs.
Dogs seem to notice me as I walk by.
Crimson Shin says, Vito weighing himself is the new Titanic song.
It's hilarious to hear him make all these excuses.
Maybe if you stopped drinking energy
drinks all day long, you wouldn't have to.
I took a picture of my scale after
the last show. Oh.
What for?
Because I'm telling you that, like,
I come in here, and it's at the end of the day.
You took a picture of your scale
after you went home from the show?
Yeah. No, like... Or did you stop
at a truck stop?
On a different day.
What does that number say?
292.
10 pounds lighter than your scale.
Look, it fluctuates.
How much is it to get you on the scale?
I don't know.
I don't think it's a good bit.
People are frothing at the...
Look, they're calling you Maddox.
That's as bad as it gets.
That's like the N-word for me for this show.
I get it.
Of course it's a good bit.
They're paying you money to do it.
That's the definition of a good bit.
Look, the Titanic bit, his objection to it makes no sense.
That's why it's funny.
My objection makes sense.
No sense.
It makes no sense.
It was a tie.
You're plus or minus 10 of 300.
That's like, it's like, what if after the Super Bowl, they kept playing a couple more
football games just for the hell of it?
They do do that.
No, they don't.
They have an exhibition league.
This is the Rose Bowl.
They have a bowl.
Yes.
No, it's for college.
We did the weight loss contest.
We did the big weigh-in.
That's it.
The bit is done.
The bit is you. The bit is you...
The bit is that I'm fat, and you already know I'm fat.
The bit is that you lied.
All that shit about I've come to terms with it,
and I'm doing it my way, and I'm making changes,
all that's a fucking lie.
It's not a lie, because I just showed you the scale,
and it's 292.
Who knows who was on that scale?
I'm on the scale.
You could have been tipping yourself over.
What are you leaning over for on the table?
I have lost- look, I lost 20 pounds, which is great.
Of water!
No, it wasn't water.
That's the problem, you didn't make any life-changing habits!
Shut up. I lost 20 pounds of actual weight, and I lost 10 pounds of water.
Okay, and I gained a little bit back because it's the fucking holidays, and I ate like a moron.
You've gained a lot back.
Shut the fuck up.
Alright, I gained- no, I- honestly, I probably gained like four pounds back.
So then get on the scale.
What's the big deal?
Because it's at the end of the fucking day, and I'm wearing all these clothes, and it's
like, look, I'm just, it's, it's, it's not, it's the bit, the bit ran its course.
We did the weight loss.
Everybody is clamoring for the bit.
Everybody.
Well, sometimes you got gotta go out on top.
Don't give the audience what they want.
Is that your definition of?
Yeah.
Everybody thinks they want, you know, like another fucking, what, Beatles album?
Everybody wants, oh, there's a new Beatles song.
Can you believe it?
They unearthed a new Beatles song.
They're gonna punish you for this.
And they put it up, but it sucks.
They're gonna punish you for this.
It's gonna, it's, it's.
So you're saying no more weigh-ins
Cause you know you're just gonna get
Rock it right back up to 310
320
350
How about
You're gonna be living in a van
Selling magic cards
With a
Maybe I will
Anorexic
How about
Composition of daddy issues
How about I get like a grace period
Where I don't gotta go to the show and go
Oh I can't wait
You had a grace period You had three weeks Three weeks is not a grace period What I don't got to go into the show and go, oh, I can't wait. You had a grace period.
You had three weeks.
Three weeks is not a grace period.
What do you want, a year and a half?
For six months, I had everyone in this fucking fan base sending me messages about how I'm
a big fat piece of shit and how I'm not allowed to eat beef and broccoli and how I need to
go do some fucking chakra cleanse and whatever the fuck else.
No, stop drinking energy drinks.
Stop drinking energy drinks, which I did.
Which I did.
Prove it.
Have I ever brought one in here?
Prove it by slugging them down outside.
I am going through a transitioning period.
You respect my transition.
Thank you.
All right.
We're moving into the new year.
I got a whole plan.
What's your plan?
Not ever get weighed and never pay attention to it. I got a whole plan What's your plan? Not ever get weighed and never pay attention to it
I got a whole plan
What is it?
Well part of it has been
Look at all this great content available now
At youtube.com slash biggest problem
We got clips going up
We got the Wolverine clip went up
We got a new bonus episode page
Where all the bonus episodes are laid out
New content hitting the veto page
We got the comic book firing on all cylinders. I got a lot of shit going on
Okay
And as I okay if you don't if you disagree with veto leave it in the leave a comment on the car
Let me know in the comment if you think this bit is done is done
Everyone there's no reason for you to be be Wade ever. I think the audience knows
this bit's getting a little tired.
You know, there's always going to be
those crazoids in the audience who are like,
oh, it's good every time!
Those are called fans. At a certain point.
Yeah. You know. Okay. We've done it.
Magic the Seven says, Wade,
I was also convinced Rebel Moon was a Star Wars
movie. A lot of people thought
Rebel Moon was a Star Wars movie, apparently. Gun people thought Rebel Moon was a Star Wars movie, apparently.
Gunranger says, Vito hates hidden prices,
and he drops that people have to pay for shipping,
despite it saying free shipping on Indiegogo.
Where does it say free shipping on Indiegogo?
I don't know.
It doesn't say that anywhere on the page.
I don't know.
He's just making shit up.
Go to the page.
Literally every single tier says shipping is not included.
It says it when you click. Okay. I is not included. It says it. Okay. When you click.
Okay.
I'm going to kill all of you.
Okay.
If people have to pay for shipping, it didn't say free shipping, that's fine.
It didn't say free shipping.
It said.
Well, you'll get stuck with the shipping later.
You're not going to get stuck with it.
Thanks for the money.
I'm going to stick you with.
Okay.
Okay.
I'll charge you shipping later.
First of all, it's better that I don't take your money ahead of time.
Okay.
So now you have the money to hold on to.
It's not just sitting in my bank account.
If I wanted to rip you off and have an extra 10K and invest in Bitcoin or whatever else,
I could have done that.
But instead, I let you hold on to it.
You're welcome.
Second of all...
Because then it would have been like 40 bucks for the comic, though.
The way you're charging them by hitting them with a lot and then hitting them with a little more.
It's not going to be much to ship it.
It's a book.
Is there like a receiving fee, too?
No, there's no receiving fee.
All right.
We're going to get the cheapest.
And the other thing is you wait because shipping rates at the time were pretty bad.
Yeah.
I think actually right now, because the economy is getting a little better, shipping rates are getting better.
Really?
A little bit.
How does that work?
Shipping goes down?
Well, because there was a, what do you call it?
There was a, fuck, I forget the word.
There was a bunch of bottlenecks in fucking shipping, especially international stuff.
Oh, I don't know about that.
Supply chains were really fucked up at the beginning of last year
when I ran the campaign.
Oh.
So you did everyone a favor.
I did everyone a favor.
Pretty much.
Look, I mean, anything could happen.
It's possible that wars are going to break out
and the shipping costs are actually going to be worse,
but right now it looks like you're actually going to save money
because I waited.
You're welcome.
Congratulations.
And one last thing I'm going to mention.
Okay.
One last thing is if I ran the shipping fees through Indiegogo, they take 5% of it.
Oh.
So that's yours.
Oh, you would have charged extra for the 5%, you're saying?
No, I'm saying I would have just, like, you know, I would have had to charge to offset the 5%. Because I wouldn't have gotten enough.
That makes sense to me.
That way you don't lose the 5%.
Why do you want to give Indiegogo more money?
I fucking hate Indiegogo.
Sneaking that tip.
That tip was dirty.
I'm still worried people left the tip.
They probably did.
Let's see.
Evanger says, I don't bite my fingernails.
The idea of keeping a pile of them on my coffee table is deranged.
Okay, whatever.
Jordan Andrew K.
Lol Vito, kids these days are growing up more conservative than ever.
Where are you getting your stats from?
Kids are tired of the woke garbage.
I don't think that's true, though.
There's a thing that says young men are swinging more conservative, but young women, it's like 100% liberal.
Totally the opposite.
Yeah.
So overall, I think the numbers go in favor.
Women hate you guys.
They're like, what do you mean I can't get an abortion?
That's my favorite thing.
That abortion thing drives me insane.
That abortion might possibly like...
It'll easily cost you.
I was going to say, you guys had a good chance of the election
It cost the midterms, 100%
Dude, the midterms went so far
You talk to them and you're like
Well, you can just say some abortions are okay
And then you can stop a lot of them
Or you can keep being retarded
And then say you're doing it for God
And then you can stop none of them
But you don't understand!
And saving lives!
Okay, so the retarded one.
Like, I got it.
Yeah.
Just say the retarded one.
You don't need to do this whole spectacle that you're doing.
Normally, in a midterm election, like, the party in power always loses, like, drastically.
Mm-hmm.
And this was, like, one of the rare instances where it's, like—
They won't—they refuse to shut up about it.
Yeah, it's a—
It's insane.
Optically, it's like, what are you guys—do you want to win the election? Or do you want to like, we're talking about saving lives.
You got to win the election to save lives.
Yeah, but I'm talking about saving lives.
Okay?
It's what plants crave.
It's abortions.
It's what plants crave.
Can you abort yourself?
And then come back around after the election.
So the same way that the Democrats have locked up the black vote forever,
they're now locking up the female vote.
And if you ain't got the ladies and you ain't got the blacks, what do you got?
Jack shit.
Jack shit.
Exactly.
Bunch of idiots talking about abortion all day.
Let's see.
Big cap, I would have thrown that money back at Eric, too.
The dude is so big on respect, disrespect, but he can't even see how disrespectful he is towards others.
I don't know how anyone's defending that.
Also, congratulations to that guy who immediately
raised back the $700 that Eric
and then doubled it.
Mikkel Shit says there's a ton of
female teachers that molest kids too.
It's not just men.
Okay.
What the fuck was that?
I feel like we get one of those messages every week.
Hey, did you know that women are molested?
Yeah, I know.
Yeah, it's a good word.
I've really got to watch out for those.
I'm not going to make the list, though, because I don't care that much, to be honest.
Great show, guys.
Happy New Year.
Happy New Year to you, too.
When are you going to get a Weatherman's suit?
One of those, like, meteorologist sticks.
To do what?
Fat watch. Oh.
Where am I going to put it? Rumble?
Put it on my channel.
Oh, no. They'll kill it.
They won't. You can do fat watch. You don't know
what it is to pick on fat people like I do.
Yeah. Look at the...
Even your scale thing, you're melting down.
Not melting down.
Imagine you're a woman at Google HQ
watching this shit.
I just think it's an inaccurate representation of my actual weight.
I'm just going to play the Titanic song.
Let's play the Titanic song.
Instead of you weighing in.
That's funny.
Vito, every night I weigh myself.
Okay, do we have any bits or anything?
I don't think so.
No?
Okay, my problem is
I'm the winner
That's my problem
What?
That you're the winner
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah
DEI
You know what that is?
The Drug Enforcement Initiative
It's a
It's a
Make women
Diversity Inclus, and something.
You know what it is.
Are you fucking around?
I think it's equity.
Is that what it is?
Well, now you got me fucked up.
Diversity, equity, and inclusion, right?
Equity and inclusion.
Is that what it is?
Yeah.
Uh, I don't know.
Mark Cuban has been crying about it all day today.
Yeah, but everyone just pointed out that Mark Cuban is lying.
Oh, he is?
Yeah.
Why?
Well, because his definition of what it is is what it actually should be.
What should it be?
It should be that you get everybody in a room and you go,
okay, whoever can solve this math equation the fastest gets to be the new math professor.
Yeah.
And if the black guy solves it first or the Asian lady or whatever.
Oh, yeah.
If whatever happens.
Whatever happens happens.
If it happens to be a woman or a black guy, then they get the job.
Right.
Well, that's what it should be.
As you can bring it in.
Wait a minute.
But that's what it was before all this.
Yeah.
Well, that's what it was.
That's the thing.
Mark Cuban is lying.
He's lying. He's saying, well, all it means is that. That's the thing. Mark Cuban is lying. He's lying.
He's saying, well, all it means is that you get a bunch of people, and then you choose
from among them.
It's like, no, that's not what it means.
It means you get a bunch of people, and then all the white guys you throw out.
Because there's too many of them.
Yeah.
And then you give it to whoever's left.
Yeah.
Hopefully a black woman, because then you cover both bases at once.
And then if you threw everybody out, you just start over.
Right.
And you ask your friends.
You guys know, every time you always say, like, I have a black friend, are any of you
being serious about that?
Yeah.
Because we need them.
We need to hire them right away.
I brought in some stats around it.
Well, this is how I get canceled.
What, this problem?
You could go get on the scale if you want to be off camera
I was just saying, I think I've said
My favorite phrase on this show
Or at least one of them is
I've got some stats here
Some stats to do with race
35,000 people
35,000 percent of bicycle
35,000 people Worked in DEI related jobs 35,000% of bicycle 35,000 people
worked in DEI
related jobs
35,000
the number has increased significantly in the past two years
it's a lot of people
to do nothing but make things worse
make everything racist
it wasn't this racist
when we grew up
now everybody, all the normal people
across the USA are having quarterly seminars where they tell you not to touch black people's hair.
Right.
In the workplace.
Right?
Even though we want to touch it so bad.
We don't want to.
Nobody ever wanted to touch it.
But white women, poor white women who were raised in trailer parks did.
Yes, yes.
Even though they've touched it a million times, they still want to touch it.
I don't really want to touch it that bad.
It is cool looking.
Really?
Oh, yeah.
Winston's hair was cool.
That?
Yeah.
The black guy that came in?
No, the other Winston.
Yeah, yeah.
What do you want to touch it for?
What do you want to see?
I don't want to touch it.
I was just like, I understand the texture of a black man's hair.
You know, it's fun.
Do you want to touch everyone's hair or just his?
I guess I just don't have hair anymore,
so I see any kind of nice hair.
That's a lot of people.
35,000 people?
A lot of people.
Does that sound like a group of people
that are just going to not work anymore?
Like, okay, problem solved.
We're going to hang up our PowerPoints
about that you need to not
make jokes at work.
That punctuality is a
function of white supremacy.
I guess maybe that's my
biggest problem with it. You've got to round
everybody up and sit in a classroom and pretend
to be
racist.
Apologize for all the racism that you don't know
that you're always committing.
You have to watch a person of a race talk down to you like you don't know.
Like, what the fuck are you talking about? I'm an adult.
I think it's just one of those things.
Actually, I saw Mark Cuban's tweet and I was thinking about it today.
So stupid.
Well, the reason all this stuff is so stupid is it's like,
why is the highest good having the same number
of white doctors and black doctors why is that the best possible scenario we can envision yeah
like can you imagine a country where there was an equal number of doctors of every color
it's like wow why is that your utopia what if there's just a utopia where more white guys like being doctors
and they're pretty good at it, or Asians.
Asians.
Indians.
It's Asians.
Indians.
Yeah, okay.
Okay, those guys really like being doctors and they're obviously very good at it.
Yeah.
And then black guys are really good at rapping and basketball
and stuff that white guys can't do.
So you don't see a lot of white guys being like,
oh, man, I can't believe I can't break into the rap game.
Can you come up with another example other than rapping and basketball?
Black guys are good at owning sneaker stores.
Okay.
What else are they good at?
Amazing.
I don't know.
What is a traditional black job?
I don't get how you can have systemic racism.
Yeah.
Which says, fucks up black people, right?
Right.
Or women or whatever, you know, because they always treat them the same. Yeah. pool to pull from white and black. So just, you know, tilt it a little bit for, like, what about all the systemic racism shit
you're talking about?
Doesn't that mean that we don't have the same pool?
We're going to get to that.
Don't worry.
By the time you guys start picking, that will have worked itself out.
Because we have a whole bunch of other initiatives for the first part.
So we're going to give you a totally equal applicant pool.
What if all that shit doesn't work?
Just do it anyway. Just do it anyway.
Just do it anyway.
Just do it anyway.
Black people are great singers, you know?
Entertainers.
Why can't we just be happy?
You're making this worse than it is.
It's not, but I'm just saying, like, why is that bad?
You know?
Why isn't that, what if we had unequal representation in different professions?
Yeah.
A lot of people want to be entertainers, but they're not as good at dancing and singing.
Right.
As other races might be.
Yeah.
The Koreans have nailed the boy band thing.
Well, okay.
I should have drank more of that coffee.
Why don't you just do a problem?
No, you got more stats?
Who gives a shit? You got more stats?
You're gonna sit there talking about basketball and K-pop.
Well, there's a lot of
athletics, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is like the old Italian uncle
version of this. No, no, no, but I'm just saying
it's like, I don't understand why when it comes to
physical abilities, we get it,
right? Yeah. This is a liberal
problem.
You're the liberal guy, right?
You guys made this. I didn't make this.
But what about it can you not answer for?
You know this is
a core of your platform.
Of the liberal platform.
Yeah, because liberals got it in their heads that there needs to be
an equal number of teachers of every race, an equal
number of doctors, and whatever else.
And they can't comprehend the idea that, you know, like Mexicans are better at gardening than white people.
I don't know.
Whatever.
It's like any, it's just, are they unhappy?
It should come down to happiness.
Like.
Nobody's happy.
But I'm saying, would you really, would any, would the black community really be happier knowing more of them are doctors?
Would that make them happier?
I do have a stat for that.
Black workers say 28% are more likely to say their company pays too little attention to increasing DEI.
Black people say that?
Yeah, 28%.
So a minority say, we need more of this.
So 72% are fine with it?
Fine with it or think it's too much.
Probably fine with it.
Right.
If anything, if I was like a black guy and I got like a cool job, I wouldn't be like,
oh man, you know, I wish there was more black guys.
I'd be like, hey, yeah, I worked really hard to get here.
That's awesome.
Democrats say focusing on it is a good thing.
78%.
Focusing on diversity.
And there's a bad thing is 4%.
Yeah. And that it's neither good thing 78 focusing on the bad thing is four percent yeah and that's neither good nor
bad 18 republicans say 30 focusing on it is a good thing getting rid of like the tests that's
the biggest thing what do you mean the thing that's nuts when it's like okay if you want to
be a licensed you know whatever we've made a test yeah are you, it's a licensing exam You just have to pass this test
That's it
It's the same test, we give the same test to everybody
Yeah, it's SATs
And you go, well not enough of this type
Not enough Mexicans, not enough Hispanics
Pass the test
And you gotta go, well we're not gonna change the test
To make it easier for Hispanics
That's just the test
If you can't pass the test Then maybe this is not the right change the test to make it easier for Hispanics. That's just the test. Yeah.
If you can't pass the test,
then maybe this is not the right field for you to be in.
But instead,
again, there's just this weird belief that it's like,
well,
we got to have more Hispanic.
Oh,
that's your side though,
right?
Why is that?
Stop with this side shit.
This is the,
this is your entire party.
This is all you guys talk about is this and defend it is this. Yeah. Why? All you guys talk about is this. And defend it is this.
Why?
All you guys talk about is why the election was stolen.
Why we can't trust any elections.
And all election machines are broken forever and dominion is run by the Jews.
Do you like that, General?
I forgot how uncomfortable racial issues make you.
It's not uncomfortable.
I'm very comfortable.
Do your problem.
You're the one who's uncomfortable.
I'm not uncomfortable at all. I'm very comfortable. Do your problem. You're the one who's uncomfortable. I'm not uncomfortable at all.
I'm not white.
That's true.
My problem, Dick, comes from a news story, a recent news story, where you may have heard
they're doing a new Star Wars movie.
Okay.
Starring Daisy Ridley, returning as Rey Skywalker.
Can I get the keyboard, by the way?
I'm going to commandeer here.
This movie is being directed by a documentary filmmaker,
a two-time Oscar winner,
and a very talented lady named Charmaine Obeid Chinoy.
Wouldn't you know this?
Wouldn't you know this?
She says having an iconic franchise in her hands thrills her
And she says it's about time
A woman took the reins of a project
In the Star Wars universe
My problem is
First females
Dick
The constant need to tell me
That a
Brave
The constant need to tell me that it... What red rose do you use? Brave? Yeah.
The constant need to tell me that it's the first lady to do something.
Well, you just use that one.
This one?
Okay.
Yeah, whatever.
How do I bring this up on the OBS?
What are you doing?
Hold on.
Why did you want...
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Why don't you just tell me to type that in?
Because you always fuck it up.
I want to do it.
There we go.
What is this Brave browser?
Are you fucking serious?
You won't weigh in for only vanity reasons.
You tanked my problem, and now you have to use the keyboard?
But you have no fucking idea how to connect it to OBS.
How did I tank your program?
What is your fucking problem?
What is your...
This is my problem
The most low energy
In the fucking world
I'm not low energy
Go go go
Go ahead
Figure out OBS
Shut up
Let's see it
Alright which one of these
Is it the browser?
Okay so which browser do I use?
Hit stop streaming
How did it stop streaming?
What do you mean?
Why would you not let me do this?
Wait what happened? What are you talking about? I said hit. That's how you get
to it. Oh, no. I'm not going to hit stop streaming.
Window capture on the top.
Okay. This is way better than me doing
it. Okay. And then what?
There we go.
This is good. I think the show
Okay, here's the thing. You are a
real piece of work.
Your obsession with control is really showing today.
Hold on.
With the way in shit and now this.
Go for it.
Hold on.
Load it up.
First female.
No, no, no, hold on.
First female astronaut.
First female to climb Mount Everest.
Yeah.
We're going to talk about this.
I do not have a demand for control.
If anything, I give you
so much control.
This is episode
122. This is the first time
I have said, I think it would be pretty good
if I use the web browser
for this one time because I have a couple
things I want to click through.
In 122 episodes, one
time, at one time, I asked for the keyboard
and it's a control issue. You have your own fucking mouse.
Yeah, I have my own mouse to do the fucking super chats.
Look, I think it would be good.
I think it's good because sometimes, why would I ask you to go through it?
Then the show's imbalanced because then you have all the control.
Then you're in charge of going to the website.
Shouldn't we each have equal access?
I think it's working great. Just because
you have done it for 121
episodes and I don't immediately know
a button to click, you can help me
through it. You can be like, guide it. You can be like, oh,
well, I've done this 121 times. Why wouldn't you do that before?
If you needed to know that stuff.
Regardless.
This is a stupid argument. You're stupid.
The point of this
problem was that we have this obsession.
Can we move on?
Are we moving on?
We're doing the problem?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Talk about train wrecking my problem.
Jesus Christ.
You can just search for first female, and you'll literally get probably two dozen news articles every week of a female doing something. I was
blown away by how many there are.
The Vienna Philharmonic's first female
concertmaster.
Terrell Parker, first female mayor in history.
First female
Premier League referee. Can you believe it?
Australia's first female
first... Yeah, they arrested somebody at that
one. Which one? At the ref one.
They arrested somebody at that game for saying a slur. Against her for being a ref? Yeah, they arrested somebody at that one. Which one? At the ref one. They arrested somebody at that game for saying a slur.
Against her for being a ref?
Yeah, yeah.
Well, she just became the first $100 billion woman.
Look at this.
No, that's a trans, I think, trans woman.
Well, that's another part of the problem is some of these first female stories end up clicking on it.
I always bring up the time it was like the first ever
female Magic the Gathering
champion. And I'm like, oh wow,
that's interesting. I wonder how she got started.
It's like, she used to be this male champion.
I'm like, okay, well that doesn't count.
It was funny when Zuby did it, when he became
the powerlifting woman
when he transitioned and then lifted
and said, I broke it. But then it
got really unfunny
because like conservatives wouldn't stop repeating it like yeah i remember when you yeah like the
female yeah like you can you trans like yeah yeah yeah man we got it it just goes on forever uh
again look we're not even like uh well i guess now it's finally finding some old ones but
a history of female first here's the thing Why is it interesting when a lady does something?
Who cares?
It just means that a man did it first.
Yeah, but they don't really do anything.
So it is kind of, like, interesting.
But we end up celebrating all these ridiculous things.
See, this is why you don't do the keyboard,
because you can't pay attention to two things.
I can pay attention to two things.
I found this one.
The first, the woman dentist.
So if this was a man, they would not have a Wikipedia article at all.
Well, they have a first dentist, yeah.
They have the first dentist.
Yeah.
But not just a guy who was a dentist 100 years after the invention of dentistry, because
that's not interesting at all. No, it's aistry, because that's not interesting at all.
No, it's a bit interesting.
This is not interesting at all.
Yeah, it is.
Here's Lucy Hobbs Taylor.
You're interested in Lucy Hobbs Taylor, born in 1833, the first woman.
Yeah, it's weird that a woman would be a dentist in 1833.
I want to know what made her do that.
It's like a dog that surfs.
Like, huh, most dogs don't do surfing.
How did you get that dog to surf?
Hold on, the first dog that surfs, that's interesting because it's a dog.
Every dog that surfs is kind of interesting.
A woman is just a slightly inferior man, so the fact that they did something a man could do,
but, you know, poorly, is not that interesting.
Sure it is.
Okay, tell me how interesting this woman's life was, okay?
She was originally denied.
That's the problem.
They make all these movies.
Remember that movie they made about all the first black women to work at NASA or whatever?
Oh, that was all fake.
Yeah, well, also that's the other thing.
They were already segregated.
Yeah.
She had ran that shit from, like, the 40s.
Exactly.
So we get these two.
When are we getting the Lucy Hobbs Taylor movie?
Did you know she was originally denied admittance to the Eclectic Medical College in Cincinnati,
Ohio?
Oh my God.
But once again, she applied to the Ohio School of Dentistry.
Why are you reading it like dismissively?
Once again, refused admittance due to her gender because this is every one of these
movies.
That's definitely interesting.
This is, well. You refused because this is every one of these movies. That's definitely interesting. You're refused
because of your gender?
Okay. Good. Make a
league of her own with
dentists. A league of their own? Oh, you're saying
that's not a good movie? No, it's not a good movie.
Tom Hanks, there's no crying in baseball
when he hits that kid in the stomach with a mitt.
The only good part of that was that it was a man
yelling at women. That was the good part.
That's what this entire Wikipedia
is. I guess. I don't know.
Early life. Let's see. This is the part
we all...
Let's see.
She was a seamstress.
Seventh out of tens. She was Irish.
An Irish woman.
Look at this Wikipedia article. There's nothing interesting
happening to this woman other than she tried to go to
dentist school and they said no.
It's Wikipedia.
What do you want?
It's not there for your enjoyment.
But it shouldn't be here at all.
You're supposed to have Wikipedias for notable, interesting people who contributed something meaningful.
Vito, what if there was a woman who could drive?
Would you not want to know about her?
Look, there's a page for the first female dentist in Sweden.
Now we gotta do it regionally.
Again.
This is not important at all.
It is.
Amalia Ashore, born 1803, the first female dentist in Sweden.
Okay, so why is it important that a guy went to the moon?
Why is that important at all?
That's stupid as well.
So then we shouldn't have that either.
No.
Like, wow, most guys aren't on the moon.
Most guys are on Earth.
What's that guy doing on the moon?
First guy in space is good.
Yuri Gargarin. That guy's important. Neil guys are on Earth. What's that guy doing on the moon? First guy in space is good. Yuri Gargarin.
That guy's important.
Neil Armstrong?
Bullshit.
The moon's meaningless.
Why is the first guy in space important?
Because it's cool.
It's like, oh my God, they put a guy in space?
Why is it not cool for a first woman to be-
Because there's already dentists.
A guy has never been in space before, literally.
Since the dawn of- 6.5 billion years.
Yeah.
No guy ever got into space before that guy.
Well, they've been, like, close. They haven't been close. A little bit more. What are you talking about they've been close? Five billion years. Yeah. No guy ever got into space before that guy.
Well, they've been, like, close.
A little bit more.
What are you talking about they've been close?
It's a little bit more than they were at before that.
Okay.
Who gives a shit?
He didn't even build the rocket.
People have been pulling teeth out of people's mouths since the dawn of time.
The first dentist is probably not important. And the first female dentist is definitely not important.
And the first female dentist in Sweden
Man, we gotta give them something
Well, that's kind of what it is
Something to work for
We gotta give them less of it
You get like one of these stories a week
It can't be like
Well, she's the first female to ever eat a BLT
while standing upset now
Okay, we don't care
Who gives a shit? I care
Cause it's stupid.
Because it, okay, so like with this
Star Wars thing. Just tell them all they're the first.
Because I got it. I'm the first one that got a job here.
Good for you. Because I got to see a million fucking
news stories about, well, I guess it's finally
time. It's finally time
that a female dentist made a
Star Wars movie, you know?
And it's really proud. I'm so
glad that all of the fucking nerds get their Star Wars ruined again because they? You know what, I love it. And it's really proud, and I'm really- I'm so glad that all of
the fucking nerds
get their Star Wars ruined again
because they're addicted.
They're addicted to Star Wars.
They're addicted to getting shit on.
And just,
they want it so bad
for it to be good,
and I think it's fucking pathetic.
They're like,
oh, maybe this is gonna be
the good Star Wars.
Maybe this one will have
Chris Pratt in it.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, it's a-
Oh, no, it's a woman again.
Oh, man.
And they get all angry and fire up their YouTube.
Can you believe that Disney put a woman?
Yeah, dude.
Yeah, I can, because that's like the whole thing that they do now.
Like, what do you?
Get a life.
Okay, but here's the thing.
If instead you could make all those people happy, that's what Disney doesn't understand
is like the last thing anyone wants to hear is it's going to be the first Star Wars directed by a understand. It's like, the last thing anyone wants to hear is, it's going to be the first Star Wars
directed by a lady.
It's like, I don't care.
Now, if you said it's the first Star Wars where we see Princess Leia's tits, we'd be
like, all right.
Well, not the old one, the young one.
I don't want any Star Wars fans to ever feel happiness in their lives ever.
I hope they all only see misery for the rest of their fucking lives. I just think like if
that lady just came out and was just like
one of these normal, I know there's
no normal women, but you ever see like those girls?
That's why that's such a big deal!
The fucking dentist is a very normal thing!
Look at this woman's a fucking dentist!
Whoa, really? Honey, look at this!
What if they, but what if she just came,
I have this like thing in my mind where like she comes
out on stage and instead of going, well it's finally time to make Star Wars for women, she just came I have this like Thing in my mind Where like she comes out on stage And instead of going
Well it's finally time
To make Star Wars for women
She just said
Yeah this one's gonna have
Like a million
I got an idea
There's gonna be like
A million lightsabers
And a fucking TIE fighter
With like ten TIE fighters
Stacked on it
And just talked about
How like all the cool shit
That was gonna happen
None of it's cool
Well yeah
The original movies aren't cool
None of that shit's cool
It's all fucking dumb shit
For kids man
Yeah so let's just have some ladies make it.
Yeah.
Well, we're going to get our first female director.
The other thing that's funny is, I don't know if you remember,
they announced they were making a Rogue Squadron movie with Patty Jenkins,
the director of Wonder Woman.
So she was supposed to be the first lady to direct a Star Wars movie,
but then she made Wonder Woman 84 and got blacklisted from Hollywood. So it's like...
Because of the rape? Well, no, because the movie
did so badly. Oh.
So the only reason you get to be the first female Star Wars
director is because the other first female Star Wars
director lost money for the Jews
who run everything. So you didn't
really...
What?
That's
the thing about Hollywood is it's not magical.
It's not like, oh, my God, we're uplifting women.
It's like, no, all the rich guys lost money, so now you get a shot at the apple.
At what point do you say it's me that's the problem?
I don't watch Lifetime movies and throw a fit because there's no shoot-ups and cool masculine characters.
Exactly.
Right.
Right.
So why do you watch Star Wars thinking there's going to be something for you?
It is a very good point that you wouldn't go into Hallmark and be like, all right, it's about a guy with a machine gun who terrorizes a small coastal community.
They'd go, well, that's not really what we make.
It's not what we do.
It's mostly romance.
Well, there's romance in there.
I mean, he kidnaps a woman.
He brutally sodomizes her.
I just think it's not for...
I think you should be writing something else.
And yeah, I don't know if you know this lady.
Again, her big thing was she made a documentary
about all the women in Afghanistan
who get acid thrown on their face for being impure.
Who's the first one to do that? Who's the first woman to get acid thrown on her face?
Kathleen Kennedy saw that.
She said, I see potential here for Star Wars.
I see that woman getting acid splashed on her face.
Did you not watch the Pandaverse and see the part where Cartman is complaining about Star Wars?
Yeah, I get it.
Did you not get that part?
I'm not complaining
I'm just saying
I don't even care
You call the quartering up
And you guys can have
A real fucking bitch fest
It's fine that she's
Directing Star Wars
They're just
She's focusing
They're focusing
On the wrong thing
Don't tell me
She's the first female
To make Star Wars
It's irrelevant
Have her come out
And have her say
In this one
Chewbacca's gonna have
Arm cannon
Like Mega Man
And there's gonna be like
two Darth Vader has traveled through time and he's merged with Jar Jar Binks and he's got
fucking lightsabers for hands and whatever like do that tell me that you know what I can't wait
to hear all the guys like talk about how it bombed at the box office yeah wow maybe it'll do good I
don't know oh I can't wait I'm always cautiously optimistic. For what?
For it to be good.
Maybe it'll be good.
The corporate conglomerate to have an earnings report?
Well, that's kind of the problem with Disney these days is there's no magic left in it.
Didn't it kind of feel like a thing?
Like, look, Walt Disney was like an obvious businessman, mogul, or whatever.
I don't know.
I kind of got the feeling that Walt Disney was like a genuine artist leading the company.
Yeah.
He was a guy who genuinely cared about making good art.
Yeah.
I never look at Bob Iger and go, yeah, that guy really gives a shit about the latest Pixar movie.
He probably doesn't even watch any of that stuff.
Yeah.
So it feels all soulless.
It's like you need artists running the company to make it feel like anything.
That's why Nintendo works.
It's because you look at all the guys running Nintendo, and it's like, they're guys who made video games.
You're like, oh, hey, they're, like, cool guys.
I want them to succeed.
Yeah.
I see Bob Iger, and he goes, well, in the third quarter.
You still buy all that shit, though.
I don't buy any Disney shit.
We saw Indiana Jones together.
We made money off that.
Well.
Yeah, that was an investment.
Okay.
I'm not buying Funko Pops, but if I can flip
one, I'll flip one, okay?
Alright. That's the bottom line.
First females. I was going to call it
First Ladies, but I remembered.
We don't want any confusing titles.
Call it whatever you want. First females.
First Ladies is pretty clever.
They're the first.
Yeah, I guess.
Yeah.
First ladies.
The first dentist.
Can you believe it?
Oh, you need your keyboard back.
I'm so sorry I took control of the show.
I mean, it was touch and go for a minute there.
I'm going to get my own keyboard next.
I'm going to have my own Steam Deck.
I'm going to have my own keyboard.
I rewatched that clip where you tried to gaslight me into thinking you can't have two Steam decks.
Can I get my own Steam deck?
And you're like, no.
Can't you double up on that one?
No, it's just not going to work, man.
This is...
I want to play WATP clips.
I want to play Simpsons clips.
Are you going to put sounds on it?
Yeah.
What are you going to put?
I carumba.
I carumba. I carumba.
My problem is Hustlers Universities, I guess you could say.
Hustlers Universities.
This is a new one.
Sneeko.
Sneeko just, Sneeko relaunches his every year or so, every couple of years.
Did he have one prior to this?
They all kind of do.
I've been told that this is is very possibly just a pyramid scheme,
like not even a sneaky one.
Yes, it is.
Didn't Dr. K run one of those?
I don't know.
I think my problem is that
young men,
as if they didn't have enough
to deal with from...
Lady Star Wars.
Lady Star Wars and women dentists and the government taking their jobs, giving it to women.
Yeah.
They also have to deal with friendly fire and sabotage coming from their own, coming from inside the house.
Yeah. of these shitbag hucksters making pyramid schemes for them to dump money into,
promising them a life of laziness and a life of permanent joblessness.
Complacency.
And complacency and inactivity, ironically called active income with a little circle around it.
Didn't Sneeko get banned from YouTube?
Yes, he should be banned from the planet
It's just funny that he has all these YouTube play buttons
Hanging up like, ah, and here's how I
Here's how I made my millions
Yeah
There's a lot of people who run this
Andrew Tate runs one too
They're all scams
A certain gentleman with his Mac club
Oh yes, Eric July also has one!
Yeah.
Pay a hundred bucks, and that's the secret to...
And you get access to my insider knowledge.
It's really fucking infuriating.
I'm sp- you actually forgot that he had one.
I forgot that fuckbag has-
Yeah.
There's like a template of con artists that is churning out these seemingly millionaires but i don't know
if they are they probably are because like i said all this information all these people are faking
like sneaker's got some money you know he's probably doing very well but he's gonna
like i think part of this is he says you know we have a network of millionaires who are going to
coach you and whatever else and it's like shut the fuck up yeah why don't you just shut the fuck up
i got a network of that's what millionaires they wake up. Yeah, why don't you just shut the fuck up?
I got a network of, that's what millionaires, they wake up and go like, where's my fucking I can't wait to coach all these kids on YouTube.
I can't wait to coach this retard that paid $50 to be in a discord.
Oh yeah, buddy, let me call you up.
You're all going to be millionaires like us.
Hold on, I've got to make my smoothie.
These people are selling a lifestyle That is as corrosive
To the male identity
As feminism or any ism
On women's side
Is to them and I'm sickened by it
And I hate them
We should offer the counterpoint of this
Give us $100 a month and we will tell you
That it's not going to get any better
And you're just kind of stuck where you are right now
We could give Tony Robbins style
Presentation Hey everybody Repeat after me Nothing good is going to happen to you and you're just kind of stuck where you are right now. We could give Tony Robbins-style presentations.
Hey, everybody.
Fuck it.
Hey.
Repeat after me.
Nothing good's going to happen to you.
Nothing.
You.
You.
You right there.
You got any dreams?
You got any aspirations?
Yes.
Throw them out.
They're bullshit.
Raise your hand if you've got dreams.
That's too much work.
Lesson number one.
If you raise your hand, you're a fucking idiot.
Because this is not interactive.
This is me talking to you.
You should not be participating in this at all.
If you have the idea that you go to a show
and you're supposed to participate, you're a
fucking moron. You will fall for anything.
Isn't there a comedian who has a bit about
demotivational speakers? Probably.
That's from something. I want to do that.
Unlock your full potential, it says.
Give up now! It's so easy.
Go play Fortnite.
It doesn't matter.
How come I can't?
Just wait for your parents to die, and then you get the basement for free.
Ay, ay, ay.
Look at this.
So it's always about money.
A big part of it.
New wealth accelerator.
Active income is shifting the paradigm of how to really generate online wealth in 2020.
How do you look at Sneak?
Send him to fucking prison.
Just send him to prison.
Send a dog catcher out to put Sneako's head in a little garrote on a PVC pipe and throw
him in Guantanamo Bay for this shit.
I fucking hate it.
How do you look at a guy like Sneeko and go, I want this guy to advise
me on how to make millions of dollars.
You know? Yeah.
I want a guy that has two joints in his
neck. Right. Whatever money
Sneeko has made, it is not made on the
back of his brilliant business acumen.
It has been made on the fact that he's made
a public horrific
spectacle of himself. I want Andrew Tate's Robin
to give me advice on how to live my fucking life.
Once you've chosen your path, active income takes you from zero dollars to a full-time
freedom income online without hundreds of hours of content.
You know?
Yeah.
How is nothing that I want to do allowed, but everything that these fuckbags want to
do is A-OK. Throw up a big
purple website. Promise people millions
of dollars. Put your big stupid face
all over it. Can I do
a bump? No, that's illegal. You go
straight to prison for that. I need someone who has
accessed this material that
just posted online so I can see
what advice Sneeko's hundred
million dollar mentors
are giving these fucking basement dwelling
sheds in his Discord?
This is the example of a conversation you'll have with a $100 million mentor.
Fantastic.
Is the mentor in blue or white?
That would be you.
Yeah, white is going to be the mentor.
So the mentor.
I'll be the mentor here.
Now, keep in mind, you're a $100 millionaire.
Yeah. So. Speak authoritatively. Well, you know,'ll be the mentor here. Now, keep in mind, you're a hundred millionaire. Yeah.
So.
Speak authoritatively.
Well, you know, just letting the audience know.
Mikey, how are those product tests going?
Oh, they're going good, but having trouble knowing when to kill ad sets.
Oh, I hear you, kid.
That's a very important billionaire.
Of course I hear.
There's a few ways we can go about this.
Let's get on a quick Zoom so I can see your data and run you through this.
Perfect, bro.
Thanks.
Send the link and I'll hop on now.
Okay, yeah.
They're going to get on a Zoom call with some kid in his underwear.
Not a Zoom call.
Zoom.
They got to abbreve everything because they're making so much cash.
So you're telling me I sign up for this and then me sitting in my underwear in the Midwest somewhere
dreaming of internet stardom.
I get on a Zoom call with a millionaire
and he tells me about my data lists or whatever the fuck.
Yeah, you got to know when to kill your ads.
You got to know when to kill your ads, bro.
Implying that you're making so much money.
Not to mention there's like a million YouTube videos
about how to do all this shit that are free
and also don't work.
Yeah, none of this works.
There's no business here.
No.
I was watching a bunch of videos this week trying to figure out how to make YouTube shorts
catch on.
I'm like, this is all just a scam.
It's all just lies.
One-on-one success, coach.
The reason you feel stuck in life is not because you're lazy or stupid.
It's because no one holds you accountable.
Inside Active Income, you have the same-minded people on the same path.
But in addition to the community and 100 million mentors,
everyone who signs up during the launch week
will get assigned a one-on-one success coach for maximum accountability.
Accountability buddies.
Yeah, dude.
A Sneeko membership.
I want a success coach.
Sneeko, the retard creator of Active Income,
went from a broke Uber Eats delivery boy to
a self-made multi-millionaire after connecting with the world's most influential people.
Like who?
Nick Fuentes?
I don't know if he's the most influential people.
Who does Sneeko hang out with?
Andrew Tate?
Who fucking knows?
Oh my God.
Not only is he teaching three world exclusive, I hope that Andrew Tate goes to prison in Romania
and brings a good chunk of these fuckers down with him.
I hope somebody records Sneako's three world exclusive masterclass
and is taken away.
On the active income mindset.
Is it drop shipping?
Is that what you do?
You drop ship and run ads on drop shipping?
You buy sneakers when they go on sale and flip them on eBay
Personal brand mastery and high level networking
What the fuck is that?
I've tried these get rich quick scheme of things
I've gone on a
Is it FET? No
There's a drop shipping guy
And I had to pay like 200 bucks a month to be in his group
Oh really?
Yeah, but then it would just be like,
hey, everybody go buy pool chlorine from Costco this week.
What do you do with it?
Oh, that's the nicest thing.
No problem.
The big yellow containers?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
40 gallons?
I'm like, I'm paying $200 a month for a guy to tell me to go buy pool chlorine and flip it.
What did you do with it?
You flip it for like 50 bucks a bucket when summer starts.
Like, that was the point.
It's sitting on-
Once summer gets here, there's going to be a big chlorine shortage.
And the guys are like, oh, man, I made 200 bucks.
And I'm like, well, that pays for your fucking subscription.
Is it a Timothy McVeigh?
I don't know, man.
I just realized I didn't want to drive around.
People were like, oh, I went to 15 Costco's today buying chlorine.
And I'm like, you know, I don't think this is the life I want to lead.
I think there's better ways to make money than flipping pool chlorine.
And high level.
But you will be able to pick his brain on any topic with consistent calls if you sign up during launch week.
Oh, wow.
You get access to Sneeko.
I guess it's just like the Eric July thing.
Yeah.
Eric July will think of you as a Mac and his own personal pod nut.
You get access to special Q&A.
See, if Maddox wasn't a fucking idiot, he should be charging for Q&A access.
Well, he tried.
He put $1,000 on his Patreon.
What, as his goal?
No, as like a special donor.
You can be his special friend if you give him $1,000.
He's had that forever?
Yeah, he put it up as a joke, but it's not written like a joke.
One of those jokes that you hope for.
Yeah.
Financial freedom awaits inside the, well.
Oh, it's only $20 a month.
$50 a month.
Well, the wealth.
Well, you got to get the wealth access.
If you want a mindset, it's $20.
If you want a money, it's $50.
If you want wealth. Wait, wait $20. If you want money, it's $50. If you want wealth...
Wait, wait, wait.
Go up a little bit.
So that one, you get crypto literacy.
But if you go down to wealth, you get crypto mastery.
Well...
Shit.
You're pumping and dumping crypto to the middle guys.
I don't want to just be literate in crypto.
I want to be a master of crypto.
I'd be a fool to not give this man $100 a month.
You're buying it at the mastery level and then telling the money people to dump all their money in.
Exactly.
And then selling it.
At the $50 a month tier, they go, hey, buy gum coin.
Buy a bajillion gum coin.
Yeah, yeah, cool.
And at the $100 million tier, you go, hey, all these morons are going to buy gum coin.
It's got to be a pyramid
scheme. It's all a pyramid scheme.
It's so scummy.
What if I'm interested in passive income?
Go buy a rental property.
That's it.
I don't know about that anymore.
Not in California,
but anywhere else.
Do you watch the YouTube?
It's kind of hard to buy a rental property.
It takes a lot of money.
It's better than...
Save up for a fucking rental property
rather than giving $100 a month
away to a guy who's going to give you crypto
mastery.
If you want to generate wealth and income,
you've got to come up with
a legitimate business plan. You can't look at Sneeko and go, well, I got to come up with a legitimate business plan.
You can't look at Sneeko and go, well, I'll just run around with a camera and act like an idiot and hang out with white supremacists and rapists.
And eventually I will stumble into money that way.
It's not a viable business plan.
I hate that they exist.
I hate that these guys run them and they don't get enough shit for them.
I hate that our top tier is $10
a month. We need to talk
about that. What do you want to give?
Well, we don't even
do enough bonus episodes. We do enough
bonus episodes. I think we're behind.
We are behind. Well, we're not behind because
there's no... Well,
we're watching
the Scambrain at work right now.
We did pretty good last year
We did okay
We missed a couple bonus episodes
It's not missing it
Because they're not monthly strictly
Well they are
And we did little bonus content
We put up movie reviews
That was a special bonus content
Or whatever
It wasn't exclusive to the tears
Okay look
We can do more
We can do more exclusive content
Just a bonus episode.
That's what they want.
We'll do the bonus episode.
Yeah.
We should have something.
Oh, man.
What's Carl's tears?
Who cares?
No, because, like, all right, here's what drives me nuts.
Carl broadcasts all the time.
Like, he always fulfills obligations.
Sure.
Okay, we should fulfill our obligations, and we do,
and we have a new bonus that we're going to do the bonus episode,
Biggest Problem in 2023.
Okay, yeah.
Are we recording that this weekend?
Yeah, we can do that this weekend.
All right, maybe something like Monday will come by.
I look at these other podcasts that suck.
Right.
You know, they have less fans than us.
Okay.
You know, the guys on the shows are not funny.
Okay.
Unlike us, who are both hilarious in many different ways.
Uh-huh.
They're making more money than us because they do stupid fucking tears of like,
If you give us $25, we'll do like a doop-a-doo.
I wear a dress and he jumps around.
I'm not doing that.
I know we're not doing that, but something we can figure out.
You really want to make milk more money out of the-
I feel it's not milking.
It's that I hate these other guys, and I'm mad they're making more money than me.
Well, you got to have a bigger audience then.
I know.
I know.
I still think there could be-
What about your comic?
What about that?
That's good.
Okay.
You're right.
That is a good way to monetize.
Yeah.
I just think this show-
Okay.
I think this show-
You want to join Sneako's thing and get some advice?
Get one on one time with multi
Maybe he can illustrate me
Maybe Sneako has some ideas
I think this show has the potential
To be
One of the best
One of the best
We got a good show, we got a good rapport
It's okay
He's better problems
Alright, nevermind It's okay, it could be better It's pretty. It needs better problems. All right, never mind.
I mean, it's okay.
It could be better.
It's pretty good, I think.
Sometimes it's like touch and go.
Okay.
Are you really criticizing me?
It's because I touched the keyboard, isn't it?
No, I'm not saying you.
I'm just saying sometimes it just seems like sometimes.
Because I don't weigh in and I touch the keyboard.
I've ruined the show.
The weighing in is part of it.
Okay.
Well, how about this?
I'll bring back the weigh-ins if we get back over whatever, 2,000 paid members.
All right?
Because the numbers are-
What are we at?
We're at 1,900.
We haven't dropped, but they changed the way they calculate the number of members.
We got to attack somebody.
I know.
That's how you make money in radio.
You have to attack other audiences.
I know.
We've attacked Eric.
We've milked Eric.
We got away from the... When Yara comes out
it's gonna be all fucking... When Yara comes out, we're gonna hit hard.
Saska, Me Too Sisters.
The Me Too Sisters, man.
We're gonna hit Yara.
The trans kids' sisters.
But here's the thing is they're liberal trans
lovin' ladies, so I'm like, oh shit, that comic might actually
be good.
Who cares?
We'll see.
I want to, I'll talk to you later about some ideas I have.
What do you mean?
What kind of ideas do you have?
No, no, no, no, no. I just don't want to lock into anything and then people be disappointed that we didn't do it, you know?
Well, like what?
Oh, like I got a movie, I think we should do a movie review, another movie review.
That would be good.
Yeah, but that's free.
Yeah, it doesn't have to be. But then it feels bad because we. Yeah, you can't charge people $10 for movie review. That would be good. Yeah, but that's free. Yeah, it doesn't have to be.
But then it feels bad because...
Yeah, you can't charge people
10 bucks for movie reviews.
Yeah, also I don't think
it would make sense to do that.
No, that'd be weird.
But we don't have to...
A lot of time, too.
We don't have to make another tier.
Yeah.
Again, it just drives me nuts
when guys I hate
have shittier podcasts
with less people,
but they're getting
that fucking money.
Nah.
And then the money, you know what I
also want? Again, I'm just kidding.
What? I want to fly
guests soon. Oh, Christ.
Not like all the time.
Well, if it was a really good guest, like a celebrity,
we'd get him a plane ticket like Tim Pool
does. We're not Tim Pool,
though. He makes millions of dollars. I know.
If we were making a good amount, though,
we could be like, hey, we could reach out to a guy who we really thought the day who is worth twelve
hundred dollars to fly in no twelve hundred dollars did you see the destiny episode is our
most viewed episode of the year it was like 120 000 views yeah but he's here like every once i
know so we didn't even answer our last we get him for free which is great he doesn't know you want
to fly in?
I'm just saying, like, there's probably guys like him that we could get.
When I started my show, guys who were helping and then later melted down and hate me were like,
yeah, you got to fly people in.
I don't know why Dick's not flying people in.
You got to fly guests in if you want to have guests.
I get it. And there's a lot of people in L.A. that we can draw from anyway.
But everybody in L.A. hates us.
So we kind of have to find rubes and morons who don't know that we're in. I think they lot of people in L.A. that we can draw from anyway. Yeah. But everybody in L.A. hates us.
So we kind of have to find rubes and morons who don't know that we're- I think they get better outside of L.A.
If they haven't heard all the horrible things we've done.
We don't want to fly in.
Who are you thinking?
I don't know.
I would have to think about it.
Hitomi Tanaka, I would pay $1,200 to fly in.
Hitomi Tanaka would be good.
She was in L.A.
I hit her.
I messaged her on Instagram drunk and then said, you're not allowed to send-
Maybe we could get a real ringer like a guy like a
Tony from Hack the Movies. That could be big.
Did he put you up to this? No.
We're not paying for Tony's plane ride.
Tony, I'll get you a hotel
room for the night if you come on out. How's that?
I'll put up the money for Tony from Hack the Movies.
Is there a limit? Is there a
spending cap on that room? He's not getting a nice room.
Give him like $120.
Oh!
Bedbug rid like $120. Oh, bed bug ridden.
$120?
You can get a decent hotel room for $120.
No, you can't.
In my neighborhood, you can. You can sleep in one of those RVs down the street for me that's parked there.
My mom came.
She got a great deal on a hotel.
Poor mom.
$120.
Here's a pitch.
Biggest problem goes to Japan.
You in?
No. Are you in? No.
Are you in?
No.
You know what?
Because of the tsunami right now, I'm giving away the plot.
Right now, plane tickets round trip to Japan out of LAX.
What do you mean you're giving it away?
Like it's going to-
They're going to sell out.
They're going to sell out.
This is Vito's travel tips.
Because of the tsunami, 500 bucks round trip right now.
What?
500 bucks. Let's go. What? 500 bucks.
Let's go.
Yeah.
You wanna?
I gotta check, you know.
Starting in February, it's 500 bucks round trip to Japan.
What the fuck?
Yeah, because-
What airline?
Delta or something.
Yeah.
Oh, shit.
Yeah, they're dirt cheap.
All right.
Honestly, I saw that and I went, fuck, I should really go to Japan, but I would have to figure
out when and how and whatever.
Yeah, that's what I got. Biggest problem goes to Japan.
Let's do it. I don't know about biggest problem goes to Japan.
We could film a little stuff. Okay, we could film
stuff. Yeah, just like, we don't have to do
an episode. Then we're turning into Sneeko, though.
I don't know. We just go to an arcade
and we go to a Japanese
party. Well, you're not supposed to film in any of these places,
but we go, whoa!
Is that good content?
No, none of this is good content.
Well, then why do you want to do it?
I wouldn't watch that.
Don't look at me!
I'm getting a beer out of a vending machine.
Whoa!
That's like shit I don't even post to Instagram.
Did you ever see when Tom Green went to Japan?
No.
That was one of the funniest things I ever saw. If you never saw Tom Green's Japan special, you can film some funny stuff in Japan.
I think, like, writing stuff
and making written stuff
like that
thing I wrote for Blade Runner
that you said is not good enough to film,
that's good.
I apologize to you in a text.
I don't give a shit. It wasn't that funny.
Well, not that, but, like, I do
think, yeah, we got to film more stuff.
And I'm making the clips.
I'm making stuff, though, not this, like, hey, I'm walking around.
I'm like, oh.
People like the walking around shit, though.
Oh, it sucks.
It depends on where you go.
It depends on, you got to go for, like, a thing.
Do you watch that stuff?
Depends on what it is.
All right.
We should do what Ryan Long is doing. Just these quick little-
Interviews?
Well, no, not just that, but he does bits that are written.
Sketches, yeah, they're written.
He makes a character, and then he goes out on the street, and he is the character.
Yeah.
It's kind of Eric Andre-esque.
Yeah, yeah, okay.
All right, that's funny.
Did you see his video recently where he's Bam Marguera's homeless brother? Yeah, that's funny. See, that was really good. That's funny. Did you see his video recently where he's Bam Margera's homeless brother?
Yeah, that's funny.
See, that was really good.
That's funny.
Written.
I'm Larry Margera, and this is Searching the Trash for Food.
And he just keeps interspicing with how he was kicked out of the family.
You want to do like Bam Margera's big brother we could do?
Yeah, we could do that.
Hey, I'm Slam Margera.
All I'm saying is you want more money.
No, it's not that.
I've completely derailed the show.
You gotta make your comic, though.
It's going very good. The comic's going very good.
I really like the show.
The audience is great.
I'm trying to find ways to get people
to find out about the show.
Ryan Long videos is a good idea.
That's what I'm saying. If we did videos
and it's like, hey, these guys are funny. Oh, they have a podcast.
They're killing it. Ryan Long and Danny
Polishek. They're both
selling out fucking stand-up
shows and whatever else. They're doing
great. They're better than us. Yeah, and I'm sitting
here talking about lady dentists
and watching Sneeko make billions
of dollars. So what am I doing
wrong? Sneeko sucks, though. You don't want to be Sneeko.
I don't want to be Sneeko. Alright, what's your problem?
My problem is hour-long TV shows,
Dick. What happened to TV?
Used to be you popped it on, you watched
a fun little episode. It was it. A little slice
of entertainment. I was trying to watch
Loki, which I like.
I like the premise of Loki.
I like Tom Hiddleston.
But I'm watching that Jonathan Majors
woman beater just running around going, well, that's what he did apparently. Yeah. But I'm watching that Jonathan Majors woman beater just running around.
Oh, come on.
Well, that's what he did, apparently.
Whatever.
I'm not judging him for it.
I'm just saying.
Yeah.
I'm watching him running around like, ooh, it's a time travel.
There's time travel.
And then there's a scene of him talking to a lady.
I'm like, okay, well, at least they got the exposition out of the way.
He talks to the lady, and then we're going to move on.
And then it goes to him on a boat with the lady,
and they have another scene where he's talking to this lady.
And I'm like, okay, well, I guess you need a little more exposition.
And then he goes to another location, and the lady comes in,
and they have another talk.
And I'm like, it's the same scene three times.
You could have cut this down to one scene.
This whole show could be 30 minutes.
Oh, I see.
It's too much shit
because the
writers are lazy. It used to be TV.
It was, you got eight minutes and then
it's a commercial break, so figure it out.
They got no commercials, though. They got no commercials.
It's just endless. It's just
10 hours of TV. There's nothing to rein these people in.
So they're just making bad movies that are
10 hours long
and suck. They should let a woman do it.
Well, maybe they'll get the first woman to figure out the formula and make it not suck.
Yeah.
That's the problem with that Mandalorian show.
I was trying to watch that Mandalorian show.
It just goes on fucking forever.
Man, you got to stop watching this shit.
Well, what do I watch?
It's all crap.
The only thing I like is like, what do you call it?
I think you should leave.
Because that is like five minutes.
I don't even have to watch the whole thing.
Watch it again. Yeah, I will watch it again minutes I don't even have to watch the whole thing Watch it again
Yeah, I will watch it again
Why don't you watch old stuff?
Old shows
That's the problem
Is I just end up watching reruns of like The Office and 30 Rock
Oh, not The Office
A stunted child
You're watching The Office?
You're on that dirty stuff?
I watch The Office
No, you can't watch The Office ever again
I probably watch every episode about a hundred times at this point
What about the one where Jim goes
That's my favorite one.
How about that one? That's my favorite one.
Or the one where Dwight goes
Or the one where Kevin is retarded.
He's the worst boss, isn't he? Yeah, he's a really bad boss.
Michael Scott.
That's his name. Here's the thing about The Office
is like once you know every episode
you just put it on in the background
Because you don't get lost
Even if you tune out for five minutes
It's just like noise
It's like putting on a song
For the 5,000th time
What about that one where Stanley
Everyone is uncomfortable
That he's black
Have you watched The Office?
I've never watched
one episode. It's a genuinely good show.
I don't care. It has some very good
jokes.
Impossible. I wanted to make a video of my top
ten office jokes, but I think it would
get copyright claimed. There's some legitimately
good writing on that show.
What if it was Mindy Kaling,
who we all love?
Oh, God. Mindy Kaling's who we all love. Oh, God.
Mindy Kaling's office anecdotes is that she tried to stop one of the most famous visual gags on the show.
Yeah.
Her anecdote is, I fought really hard to get that canned.
And you're like, oh, you dumb bitch.
TDI right there.
Everyone wants to see a fat guy rolling around in Chile.
What are you, an idiot?
Yeah.
Point is, hour-long TV shows, TV shows just keep getting longer
and longer every time I try to
watch. I go like,
this sounds good. It's well shot.
Loki looks good. It's got a, what do you call it,
Owen Wilson, who's great. Man, it's just like
shitty comic book Disney
shit, though.
What TV shows are you watching?
Well, that's the problem. I don't watch
any of this shit. But shouldn't we be living in a golden age of TV where there should be like really good,
the boys is okay.
No, because there's no commercials.
Invincibles.
You can't have, you cannot have good television.
Without commercials.
Yeah, without.
Well, he breaks.
No, you cannot have, you cannot make good art if you don't need people to see it.
And they don't, because they're just relying on stock prices.
So they say, here's a bunch of headlines of the first fucking female robot that we got.
Get a bunch of headlines, stock goes boop boop.
Oh no, it's all the Chinese shit.
Here's the Expendables 4.
Oh, this is with all the American action movies.
Yeah, except it's a Chinese movie now.
Yeah.
With Jason Statham, who's in China for some reason.
Apparently the Chinese are saving that Aquaman movie from being a complete disaster.
I don't want to watch Chinese TV, so I don't watch Netflix or any of that shit anymore.
I have some stock in whatever the Chinese Netflix is.
We should stock race this year.
We should stock race.
I was doing real good last year.
Let's see.
Let's do it.
Do you have any stocks?
You buy back any stock?
Only VOO.
That's which one?
The VIX?
Index fund.
That's it.
It's not a VIX.
It's just an index fund.
What is an index of?
The Dow Jones.
Okay.
That's it.
It's pretty safe.
Put your stuff up against that.
Yeah, all my little games.
Let's do $1,000.
You got $1,000, so I got $1,000 in VOO.
I'll do that.
I'll do the $1,000.
So you put $1,000 in VOO.
I get $1,000 or whatever I want, whoever wins.
Well, you have $1,000, so do whatever you want.
Yeah.
And then say what you're doing with it.
Well, I got to announce what it is.
Yeah.
I'm going to put $800 in VOO, and I'm going to put $200 in T-bills.
T-bills.
At 5.5%.
What are T-bills at?
Are they 5.5%?
No, they're not.
They're like 3.8%.
No.
T-bills are over 5%.
The month ones are.
All I know, Dick, is...
I want to see 17-minute shows.
I want to go ask Sneeko what stocks to buy.
He's going to tell me which crypto to buy.
Buy Google Coin.
Yeah.
Buy Sneeko Coin.
How are your NFT investments doing?
They're not investments.
So they're doing great.
Keep telling yourself that.
No, they're not.
Because they're worth nothing.
I know.
NFTs are not worth anything.
Oh, is that what you got to say?
So the FTC doesn't take them all away?
No, I'm saying NFTs are not investments.
Don't invest in them.
Okay.
I hear what you're really saying.
What are your problems?
Oh, my problems are...
What about House, though?
That was an hour-long show.
They've been at commercial breaks where they had to write it.
44-minute show.
It needs a structure.
It needs an act structure.
All hour-long shows have four act structures.
I promise you.
Go watch your whatever.
Loki, Jokey.
Jackoff, yeah, Loki show.
Was House really?
It wasn't an hour, though.
It was 45 minutes.
It's an hour-long show.
With commercial breaks.
Yeah.
So 45 minutes.
These shows are actually like an hour long.
No, they're not.
Dude, I swear to God I was watching the new Logie episode and I was like, man, this is going on for a while.
It's an actual hour?
I think it's like an actual hour.
Oh, that's why they're horrible then.
That's what I'm saying.
45 minutes tops.
45 minutes tops.
22 minutes, 45 minutes.
I'll settle for 30.
Okay, hour long TV shows.
Hour long TV shows and first females.
First females.
Mine's DEI.
And what's the other one?
Hustlers.
Hustlers University.
Hustlers University.
Okay.
And our new biggest problem, $100 tier.
Vito will give you the stock tips you deserve.
Wait, do I have that? Stock tip, Vito will give you the stock tips you deserve. Wait, do I have that?
Stock tip, Vito.
Fuck, I guess I don't.
Dang it.
I barely beat the S&P last year.
No, I did better than the S&P.
No, you didn't.
I think I did.
You liar.
No, you didn't.
No, you fucking did not.
Show me.
If my calculations are correct.
They're not.
Shut up.
Let me see what the S&P did.
Let me see if I have some music for this.
The S&P was up 22%.
You did better than 22% last year?
Yes.
No fucking way.
Based on cash, I actually invested.
So the cash I left uninvested, if I had invested in the S&P, I would have...
Say it again?
So some of that cash I had just earning 5% instead of invested in the S&P.
Okay.
But all the money I had in stocks did better than 22%.
No way.
Yeah.
What did you put it in?
Nvidia.
Palantir.
What else did you get?
What do you mean?
What were your losers?
I can find my losers.
Hold on.
Total return.
It was one of the solar stocks.
C-Limited.
Okay.
Teladoc Health.
That was a loser.
Because they're horrible.
Teladoc is horrible?
It's fucking horrible.
Yeah.
I just really.
I want to reach the screen and strangle those fucking doctors.
I really think Telehealth, like I'm 100% convinced that we live in a nation of...
Everyone's developing autism, and they're terrified
of interacting with actual human beings,
so anything that removes the need
to go to a place and interact with
another human being face-to-face
is like... I'm like, yeah,
I think that's a thing.
I love the idea,
but they need to say...
Here, there needs to be another one that says, like, telephone doctor,
that says, hey, here at telephone doctor, we will never tell you to take Advil.
We'll never, ever say just take Advil.
If we're not going to give you drugs, we'll just hang up
and send you a bill for $20.
There you go.
I think if you're getting stocks, AI stocks and anything,
where this generation of autistic weirdos can avoid interacting with an actual human being.
So any online shopping, anything that door dash, the ability to get food without even talking to another human being.
Is this the trend that you're that you see?
This is my stock belief.
Is this from like the like 2003?
This is based on my own personal experience as a shut-in who does not want to talk to anybody.
I go, wait, I don't have to actually go to the fucking doctor's office and wear a mask?
They made me wear a mask at the doctor's office.
Did you see California brought back the mask mandate for inside doctor's offices?
Yeah.
They're going to bring the whole thing back.
I'm so pissed.
Were you pissed the first time?
Yeah.
Okay.
I hated the mask shoot.
Especially because the data for masks makes no sense.
Unless you're using a hardcore N95 mask, it doesn't matter.
Yeah.
They're just useless.
Even that one.
All right.
Now the N95 has actual data.
All right.
Hey, Dick.
It's me, Fire Missionary. I was wondering if you guys would be willing
to put some money in towards having a furry
do a full-body hair transplant
so that they can actually be a furry.
That might be something you might be interested in.
Like the wolf man?
Maybe it'll be funny.
Well, it would definitely be funny.
But anyway.
So you're going to do it?
I was wondering if that might be something you'd be interested in.
How would that work? Anyway, have a good one.
Go fuck yourself and I love you, Sean.
And Vito,
I would have said
congratulations on the weight loss,
even though you actually
gained 20 pounds after you lost 30.
I didn't gain 20 pounds. You are not at no
290.
You're going to need to take a picture with a newspaper next time you do that.
Next time I take one with a newspaper.
A furry with hair implants all over?
But the hair implants have to be harvested from another part of your body.
You can get some other people rounded up.
No, your body would reject it.
Oh.
So you'd have to take, you would have to like basically take the hair and space it out evenly.
That would be my understanding.
Okay, that's funny.
Yeah, but you wouldn't be super hairy.
You'd be like weirdly spaced hair all over your body, guys.
Huh, okay.
I don't think you can get hair grafts from someone else.
No, you can't.
Because whenever they do the hair transplants,
they take it from either the back of your head and put it on top.
Yeah.
Well, who wants to give up their hair, though?
What are you doing? Oh, I thought you were looking for something. I'm just shifting put it on top. Yeah. Well, who wants to give up their hair, though? What are you doing?
Oh, I thought you were looking for something.
I was just shifting.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
If that's that actual thing, then I'm surprised.
Okay, here we go.
The biggest problem in the universe is, air quote, free furniture.
Free furniture.
air quote, free furniture.
Free furniture.
See if you can guess the ethnicity of the person who's helping me out right now by giving me some free patio furniture.
White.
Well, it was free.
And then, you know, he's like, oh, you have to pick it up today.
I'm like, okay, I don't have a truck.
Black.
So I call my friend who has a truck, and he's like, yeah, I'm not sitting over, I can come
help you out.
It's New Year's Day, by the way, right?
You called your friend on New Year's Day so you didn't have to pay for furniture, you
piece of shit?
Are you fucking kidding me?
Hey, you know that truck that you have and you own?
Yeah.
I'll buy you a six pack if I could just borrow it a little bit
That's no big deal for you right
That should be a problem for you
Do you get a lot of people asking to borrow your truck
Not anymore
Oh you used to then
Oh god
I think I did ask
Did I ever ask you to borrow your truck
Like one time
I think one time
Maybe for like a pinball machine
Yeah
I was trying
Well cause my car was broken
And there was a guy who had a Neo Geo machine
Oh yeah
And I was like fuck that's such a good deal
But my car is broken I can't go get it I was like hey Dick You wanna go pick up a fucking Neo Geo machine. Oh, yeah. And I was like, fuck, that's such a good deal, but my car is broken.
I can't go get it.
I was like, hey, Dick, you want to go pick up a fucking Neo Geo?
And you're like, no.
I'm like, okay, I can get some free furniture.
I guess this is okay.
And then, like, I confirm with the guy who's getting to me, and he's like, oh, yeah, can I get $100?
And I'm like, okay, so this furniture that you have to get rid of because you move and the new
place,
there's no space for it.
Ah,
it's horrible.
Uh,
Craigslist complainers.
Craigslist.
That's a good one.
There you go.
Vito.
About 15 years ago,
I dated a Jew who went to Smith college and they're not all lesbians.
They're all just horny bisexual whores.
And, uh, if you didn't get laid living next to Smith College, and they're not all lesbians. They're all just horny, bisexual whores.
And if you didn't get laid living next to Smith College,
you fucked up, dude.
What did I say to get laid?
You fucked up.
She told me all these stories.
She and her girlfriend or roommate would just go to the library,
find some lonely fucking faggot looking dude like you,
and just take him home. All right, all right, all right.
What are you thinking?
I can't say that.
Jesus Christ.
Disavow.
Buddy, what is fucking going on here?
You know exactly where the show is.
You've watched it before.
Everybody's just kind of living in a new era you know all the rules have gone
out the way get a fucking clue okay uh here's one about the head stuff
seep them you haven't heard of head putty before head putty i used to have awesome long hair tips
like you so you gotta get one of those clicker pens and unclick it. So unclicks no pen, clicks pen.
Unclick it and just reach through here and scratch your scalp with it.
And then get a good scratch, like get a good line, pull it out, click the pen,
and look at the little putty ball.
Oh, okay.
If you're a Mario completionist mentality, I think you're going to be a big fan.
Wait, what?
Peace.
So, like, you know how, like, you get that, like,
I would think you would use, like, a mechanical pen.
Well, I guess a mechanical pen is not wide enough.
But as you scoop up all the gunk in the pen.
Yeah.
And you click it, it comes out as, like, a tube, you know?
You get it, though.
Everybody gets it.
You just, if you scratch the top of your head and, like, under your fingernails, you get that white stuff.
I just washed my hair.
Yeah.
You still got sebum in there though
okay uh there we go so there actually is a place you can go to get like verified underwear
online it's called sniffer.com and uh you have to like they have to show their id and stuff and
they have to pay like 12 a month and you only have to pay like $12 a month. And you only have to pay $12 a year as a buyer, right?
But they have to actually work for it.
Plus, there's tons of guys compared to like...
And it's like hot teen girls all the way to old grandma weird ladies.
But anything you want, right there on sniffer.com.
He's doing that nervous laugh where he goes,
I don't really know about it, but I've
heard about it.
I don't think sniffer.com
is... No, it's a packet
sniffer. Is that a joke?
Well, you can buy women's underwear on the line.
I know that. I don't.
There's all these fetish models that'll sell you anything.
Okay.
For the longest time, I remember I wanted to get in on the lucrative field of selling used women's shoes, right?
So I was trying to convince a female friend.
I'm like, listen, we just go to the Goodwill.
We buy old women's footwear.
You take one picture of you wearing it
and we post a description that's like,
I've been wearing these gym trainers
for the past four years.
And then I'll soak them in
a tuna fish vinegar solution
and then mail them.
Charge like 500 bucks and mail them to a guy
and then he gets to jerk off to
smelly lady feet.
Why does she have to split it with you?
Because I came up with it. you? Because I need to...
Somebody's got to drive to...
I'm trying to cut the pimp out of the fucking...
Come on, you're arguing against the pimp
hood here.
It's trafficking that you're doing.
Alright, last one.
Vito, you're a fat, disgusting
piece of shit.
I had the same scalp thing.
It's from wearing hats all the time.
All the oil and shit kind of gunked up.
Yeah, it's gross.
It's from hats?
It's all weird.
It's not hats.
I got it before hats.
And you also never drink water, so you're, like, fucking secreting all this shit.
Your kidneys are working overtime.
You just need to drink water and never wear a hat.
And honestly, that was the biggest problem in the universe.
Every fucking health problem you have is the biggest problem in the universe.
All right, love you guys.
Is that true?
Water and hats?
It's not a hat thing, because I've always had the fucking scum.
Have you always worn hats?
No.
Oh, okay.
I'm a head scum boy, and I live a head scum lifestyle, and frankly, I'm not ashamed of
it.
And I bought a blackhead scraper, because apparently it can get really deep into the
pores.
All right, all right, all right.
That's enough.
Well, I'm not going to use it to get blackheads. I'm going all right, all right. That's enough. Well, I'm not going to doze it to get black heads.
I'm going to scrape.
I know.
It's enough with the sepum.
Well, you clicked on the fucking voicemail.
I thought that guy was going to help you because he said it was hats.
But apparently you're immune to his assistance on this.
All right, here.
We're greasy people, the Italians.
Do you need the mouse?
Mario has lots of sepum. They don't tell you about it
in the Mario games. I doubt that.
His entire hair is just goo.
It could be.
Moonmilk for two. First super chat
for you busters. Sell Vito Goop.
Dominic for two. I wonder how fat Vito
is this week. Well, you're not going to find out.
Coop for five. Thank you all for not killing yourselves
since I lost the first game.
I guess I suck ox TBF.
Deluxe for 25 rons.
Technically, Maddox was the original grape apologist.
Remember when he made fun of Elizabeth Smart?
Yes.
I don't know if he apologized for it, though.
But, yeah, I do remember that.
Rules for him, not for him.
James Gardner for 50 big American dollars.
Thank you. Go to the creep off and vote Maddoner for 50 big American dollars. Thank you.
Go to the creep-off and vote Maddox into the Hall of Fame.
Do drugs.
Is Maddox a creep-off contestant?
I guess so, yeah.
Go vote for him.
What's the creepiest thing he did?
Other than stalking, keeping weird.
Stalking.
Yeah, that's pretty weird.
Putting other women up to stalking.
Pretending to be a woman so you could engage in stalking.
Yeah, it was pretty weird. Putting other women up to stalking. Pretending to be a woman so you could engage in stalking. That was pretty weird.
He's had a lot of weird stories on the show.
Having sex with pregnant women because it's like you're doing the baby too.
That was pretty weird.
That's pretty edgy.
Yeah.
That's pretty out.
That's some internet humor right there.
That's some 2003 Maddox.
Yeah.
It's like having sex with two women.
Got it.
I tried to buy you some slime merchandise the other day.
Like that blanket?
Yeah, I tried to get the blanket.
They didn't have the blanket.
I was doing those whatnot auctions again.
And they had some good slime stuff.
That's all you want.
Don't buy anything.
Stop buying stuff. That's all you want. Don't buy anything. Stop buying stuff.
Yeah.
Well, I did get those Cowboy Bebop figures I was talking about.
Oh.
How do you afford all this stuff?
I'd be fucking, I would be livid if I saw this amount of toys coming in.
I looked up the amount I spent last year and it was not actually that bad.
What does that mean?
I started tracking my spending to see how much I'm spending,
and it's not more than previous years.
Although I did realize that I got an eBay credit card,
and so I was like, oh, I forgot to factor that in,
so that added a bit to the total.
But you get eBay.
How long can you go without buying toys?
I've never tried.
How long do you think you could go?
I don't know.
Do you think you could go this week? Do you think you could go? I don't know. You think you could go this week?
You think you could go all week without buying any figurines or anything?
I can't promise that.
There might be a good auction.
There might be a good auction.
Someone else can buy it.
That's okay, right?
I don't get it.
They have these Dizzidio blankets.
I already have a couple of the Dizzidio blankets, so I want another one.
It's got the Final Fantasy characters on there, you know?
Yeah.
Kind of want to collect the set.
That set will always be available, though.
You don't need it this week.
It goes up in price if you don't get these guys.
No, it doesn't really go up that much, I don't think.
Plus, I'm bidding against guys who don't even know what it is,
so I'm getting, like, bargains.
I'm getting the good stuff.
Life is trash.
It's not.
There's nothing. There's no reason to is trash. There's no reason
to be here. There's no reason to do
anything. Let's put it this way.
If I didn't buy shit, I would just
what? It would sit in a money market account
and earn 5%. Great. I'm already doing
that. Yeah.
Alright, so whatever. Instead I invest in
a Cowboy Bebop action figure. Maybe that'll be
worth money. Same
shit. So you can sell it to somebody who shouldn't be buying it also?
Yeah, I can sell it to somebody else pathetic.
All right.
Let's see.
Martin O'Keefe for two euros, three-year dry patch and rising, 302 pounds and rising.
I'm not 302 pounds.
I thought that was about him.
Riley Edwards for five Canadian.
Finished last episode today.
The more I learn about Vito, the grocery gets.
Also, 308 pounds is my guess for this week.
Okay.
Koof for five. R. week. Okay. Coup for five.
R.I.P.
Cords.
I hope you were able to find contentment in your life.
At the very least, you won't need to deal with ball hernia anymore.
Oh, did he actually die?
I don't know.
I doubt it.
I don't believe any deaths online.
CrazyCat for two says, I hate Red Bar.
CrazyCat, that's terrible.
I love Red Bar.
Why would you say that?
Yeah. And we are big fans of red bar
radio here at the biggest problem.
I know Vito is. I love that guy.
Steve for two
says, I'm an
ignoramus.
That's what you wanted me to say? Very clever.
Mint salad is here for a big
$5. Good tweets this week,
Vito. Guys, go to twitter.com
slash Vito Comedy and watch my hugely viral
woman gets
murdered video
Only I can
I can't believe they left that up for so long
Well, it's still on Twitter, but Instagram took it down
Yeah
Although, YouTube banned it
and then I submitted an appeal and then it got unbanned
and I'm like, okay.
Of course it did.
The rules are all over the place.
On the John for two Canadian before Vito Welch is on the way in Super Chat Gold.
No, I think I...
No, there's never going to be one again.
Yeah.
There you go.
How about we establish a new biggest...
No, don't Super Chat any money until Vito agrees to the bet.
I'll make a $50 a month, what do you call it, Patreon tier,
and every week I'll send you a personalized photo of my scale.
How's that?
$50 a month.
At the beginning of every month, I'll get on the scale, I'll take a picture,
I'll hold your name, I'll hold your name,
and I'll send you a picture of the fucking scale. How's that?
$50
a month for the super fat club.
Why are you people so obsessed
with my health? Just let me be unhealthy.
How do you not know why?
How do you not understand that they
want you to lose weight and you're not?
I'm losing weight. I am losing weight.
The plan is set.
All right?
We're going to have a great year.
It's going to be a great year for myself and for health.
That's the bottom line.
So one year from today, how much will you weigh?
Let's see.
So right now, by the end of the year, now, I weigh 302. It's probably 305, yeah.
I do not weigh 305.
I think I could get to 250 by the end of the year.
That's 40 pounds.
What?
I could do that.
You had six months to lose 30.
Yeah.
And you lost 20. And I did it.
So a year you can lose 40.
Technical 30.
250.
I still got to get that money out.
Because I feel, why do I get the feeling I'm going to get dicked out of that money if I
don't lock it in soon?
You might.
I don't know.
It's retroactive.
Anything can happen.
It's crypto.
Vito loses.
Ask Sneeko.
Take his mastery class.
I won't take his mastery class.
Fuck you guys.
Leave me alone.
What is Dick?
Why don't you come up with something funny Dick. What is Dick? Why don't you come up
with something funny
Dick's got to do?
Why don't you come up
with something that we
can humiliate Dick every week?
I'll do a breathalyzer,
but I think everyone
can tell already
when I'm drunk
and when I'm not.
How about, yeah,
we have to see how much
you drank all week.
Not enough.
Whatever.
Ziggo for two.
Vito, what phone do you run
and plan to get next?
What phone do you run?
What phone do I run? What phone do I run?
What is that?
Is that like slang for phone use?
I have whatever the Samsung Galaxy 8, I think it is.
Whatever the newest Samsung is because I wanted the good camera for all the videos I make,
which I don't actually end up making.
I just get whatever the best Galaxy phone is.
They do have a good camera, though.
Mitt Salad, Chrissy Mayer was a good guest.
I am going on Simpcast again next week.
Well, if you see that whore, Ninna Infinity, tell her I say hi.
Fucking goblin woman.
Ask them what they think about the Yira sisters and their Me Too shit.
Or the Saska sisters.
Wear a super killer hat on that
fucking show. Say, hey Chrissy, what do
you think about this? Tweet. And then read
it. And then say, actually that's from the
lore masters of Eric July's
3D tracing
comic Chop Shop
that he's got. Here's what you do. Go in
and go, did you hear what the new
female director of Star Wars said?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
We have to shut up because we're giving away the plot.
Alright, let's see. Michael Fee
for five. Dick, please dry your hair
before the show starts.
I thought Vito had a chick for our co-host
this week. I know, it looks like shit.
I know, I showed up like five minutes to
show time and I'm like, I can't go on with you.
You look like a wet dog.
I look like that sketch from I Think You with you. You look like a wet dog. Yeah. I look like that sketch from
I Think You Should Leave. Yeah, the dog hair.
Two
girlfriends. How great would that
have been?
Let's see. Michael winning for five.
Says Dick used Vito's head goo as
his hair gel this week. Yeah.
Colin for five. Show's on fire, guys. Keep
it up. Please bring Rikada on again.
Sure. I would like to have Rikada back.
Jacob for two.
How was Epstein's Island?
It was fantastic.
The shrimp was great.
Johnny Rocket for five.
Alex Jones is going Donald Dump on Obama all over Destiny tomorrow in the January 6th debate.
Did you see the debate tomorrow?
Oh, yeah.
Alex Jones against Destiny and the Cranstonsteins. Yeah Alex Jones against Destiny and the Cranstonsteins.
Yeah, Destiny and the Cranstonsteins.
Alex Jones is with, I don't know, two other psychopaths.
I don't really need to see Alex Jones debating anyone.
I've never seen him debate anyone.
Piers Morgan, that was awesome.
Yeah.
Because it was funny.
Did you see Vivek tearing into that lady on the news, though?
That was pretty good.
That was great.
I'm starting to like him. I got to be real with you conservative guys. Vivek tearing into that lady on the news, though? That was pretty good. That was great. I'm starting to like him.
I got to be real with you conservative guys.
Vivek's your best guy.
Behind Trump, yeah.
Trump should have Vivek be the vice president.
Yes.
Vivek's the hype man.
If Trump has Haley involved in any way, I'm not voting for him.
No, no.
If he got Vivek, if Vivek's smart, that's what he's angling for.
I'm just going to be the
smooth-talking vice president
who Trump can whatever and I can just give
soundbites. Soundbite master.
He's a master of it. He's very good.
He's very quick on his feet.
I would have trouble not voting for that guy.
I hope that Alex
John's destiny thing is going to be funny.
I guess I'm kind of tired of hearing the liberal
perspective on January 6th
and election fraud.
It's January 6th tomorrow.
You've got to hear about it. You're going to hear about it every day for the rest of the day.
You're going to hear about it every day.
We're going to make it a national holiday.
They actually did where they were doing an insurrection.
Like, man, fuck off.
I can't believe they haven't made it a national holiday yet.
It should be like, you know, democracy saved today.
It should be called what?
The Day Democracy Was Saved.
Democracy Day.
Oh, yeah.
The liberals are going to add it to the calendar, and they're going to make you celebrate it.
Just call it George Floyd 2 Day.
Yeah.
We should have a George Floyd Day.
I want to have the most obnoxious liberal calendar and just really grow my life.
They're talking about how great the government is.
Destiny, in full seriousness, says,
yeah, but do you realize how many people would have to lie
for there to be a stolen election?
You understand the biggest news story is that Epstein,
the pedophile that the entire government covered for,
is the list of names of the government people that he was covering for
for raping kids is being released and got delayed because of government because like do you do you
with a straight face you can say well what do you think there's some kind of government cover-up like
what do you think this was yeah what do you think this was that it was nothing to them. They don't even care. A guy fucking kids on an island is bad.
Okay?
Yeah.
But it's not as pertinent to the world as an election potentially being stolen.
It's the cover-up.
An election being stolen would be worse.
It would require the same cover-up.
It would be easier to cover it up because less people care about it.
Easier to cover up what?
At the time that Epstein was doing that shit, it was very easy to just be like,
yeah, don't worry about it, don't think about it.
Now everybody's all amped up on it, okay?
But there was a period of time.
But it's still covered up.
But an election being stolen at any point in time would be like,
oh my God, we've got to figure that out, we've got to look into it.
Not really.
Because you only have to steal like 10,000 votes.
And all the courts are like, no.
No, we can't hear that.
You got no standing.
You got no standing in this court.
How are you arguing on behalf of the kid rapers?
I'm not arguing on behalf of the kid rapers.
The government covered up all of the kid rapes, right?
Yes or no?
Epstein.
You can't give me a yes.
The government covered up
Epstein rape against
What do you mean
The government covered it up
What section of the government
Uh
The judicial
Section of the government
Said we're gonna let Epstein off
With a little slap on the wrist
And let's send the FBI in there
And burn all these tapes
It wasn't like a
Supreme Court
Fucking case
Right
It was like
Tried in New York
Or something
Well
There's many Places it could've been tried But yeah Part It was like tried in New York or something. Well, there's many
places it could have been tried.
But yeah, part of it was tried in New York.
Not arrested in New York. He was transported through there.
I'm saying like,
what was the original one? Didn't Alan Dershowitz get him off
early on? I don't know.
In like 2005?
Yeah.
He got a slap on the wrist or whatever?
You're alright.
I don't see the highest echelons of government necessarily.
Bill Clinton is not the highest echelon of government?
Look, yes, I understand that Clinton kind of threw his weight around to get.
And raped kids.
Okay, but.
Why are you defending Epstein?
I'm not defending Epstein. I'm not defending Epstein. I'm saying that it would be so hard to cover up an election fraud.
Why?
People are, well, because people are, yeah, because there's so many moving parts and it would require.
You just changed the law.
Here, we can do more mail-in ballots.
All right, mail them in.
That's not, but that's not the election fraud anyone's talking about.
Yes, it is.
That there's more mail-in ballots, that's really your problem?
Yeah.
Okay.
The mail, changing the law, breaking the law by changing it,
and then the state Supreme Court saying,
we're not hearing this, or yes, you did break the law,
and then the U.S. Supreme Court saying,
we're not listening to any of this shit, we don't care.
But then your problem is just more people voted.
Well, illegally.
Either people voted illegally or it wasn't actually those people.
It's just somebody filling out ballots.
Okay.
We have no way of knowing.
The second one is the one that it's like, I can understand that being election fraud.
That was election fraud, too.
Yeah.
But you would need good evidence of that.
Nobody audited the votes.
They have done audits.
They did not.
Georgia did not audit shit. They just
counted it again. Okay.
You don't know. I know.
You don't know. Do you
think that they audited them or that they counted
them again? Here's the point.
Can't answer that one. Do I think they audited
them or counted them?
You know what? This is what you guys do.
This is what you guys do.
Is you go, alright, there's a million different things that happened.
There were ballots here, whatever else.
Everyone's cheating at the same time.
I'm very confident.
No, that's not what it is.
COVID.
Oh, we got to do mail-ins.
Our state constitution says that's illegal.
We're doing it anyway.
Let's go to the Supreme Court.
Wow, we're not listening just until after the crime happens.
See, you're doing it again.
You got to, you go, you keep jumping.
You keep jumping. Okay, go. What about this? Go ahead. What about this? Go ahead. What were not listening to this until after the crime happens. See, you're doing it again. You keep jumping. What about this?
What about this?
I was going to say,
if that happened,
let's assume that there were mail-in votes
that were fraudulent. Somebody wrote in whatever name
they wanted. Biden.
Biden. And they did it to the tune of
thousands of votes because that's the amount
you would need in order to actually swing the election.
A couple thousand here or there. How many people do you think were involved in that estimate? Ten. Ten people. Okay. And those ten people are who exactly? Like what role are they?
Are they election officials? Are they random people? Are they the Illuminati? Probably
volunteers. Volunteers.
DNC volunteers.
Okay, so guys are really hyped up on the Democrats.
Yeah.
Okay.
And how did they find those guys?
What do you mean?
Were they just hanging out in the election thing and it was a guy and he goes, I'm so
hyped on Biden.
I love Biden.
He's the best.
And you go, okay, I got one.
I'm going to bring him in on a plan.
I can trust him.
This guy I can trust.
You're saying how to find criminals? Yes. Yeah, that got one. I'm going to bring him in on a plan. I can trust him. This guy I can trust. You're saying how to find criminals?
Yes.
Yeah, that's easy.
How to find criminals you can trust.
I think you can.
You would identify them.
I'm saying, okay, here's what would be my scenario.
How do you find a drug dealer?
Are you asking seriously if you can not find criminals?
You can find criminals.
So you find guys who go, I really want to swing the election for Biden, right and they're doing it they're not doing it for money well sure they might be they
might okay so they might be getting paid they might be they might be doing it for money they
might just be doing it to get their guy elected okay let's go with the easier thing i would do
it they're doing it to get their guy elected right yeah so you found a guy and he's really
ideological driven he just i just want biden to get in because i really hate trump yeah and then
republicans go we will give one million dollars to anyone who gives us concrete proof of election and he's really ideological driven. He just goes, I just want Biden to get in because I really hate Trump. Yeah. And then Republicans go,
we will give $1 million to anyone
who gives us concrete proof of election fraud.
Right.
And all of those people
would rather have Biden be president
than get a million dollars.
Yeah, because they're going to fucking prison.
What are you talking about?
Trump would just pardon them.
Like he pardoned Julian Assange?
If you prove the election was fraudulent, then you make Trump president, and he would immediately pardon whoever, the hero who came forward.
So you're saying because, have they offered a million dollars?
There's people who have offered a million dollars.
So because criminals guilty of a federal crime haven't come forward, they don't exist?
I'm saying that.
How many federal crimes are taking place
all the time? But I'm saying it would be
such a risky thing to just
trust random guys.
Just go, well, he really likes Biden. There's no
way he's going to welch. There's no way he's
going to turn around. Or I might even go to him
and go, hey, do you want to help us steal votes?
How do you think Antifa works?
There's people within Antifa
who report on Antifa all the time.
Antifa's been infiltrated by all sorts of people.
And they're still doing crimes.
There's a million FBI guys inside Antifa right now.
And if Antifa does anything.
They're part of it.
Yeah.
So now your conspiracy has to evolve to involve the FBI because the FBI is also there.
The FBI is texting about how they're going to take down Trump.
What the fuck are you talking about?
Of course they're guilty.
So it wasn't just guys, random guys. I'm just saying bare minimum you need 10 guys to pull down Trump. What the fuck are you talking about? Of course they're guilty. So it wasn't just guys, random guys.
I'm just saying bare minimum you need 10 guys to pull this off.
And the FBI.
And they're super, they think Trump is literally Hitler.
And you need the involvement and the silence of the FBI.
You don't need the involvement of the FBI.
No, but you need the silence of the FBI.
Dude, you have the AG in New York is running on throwing Trump in jail no matter what.
They don't have any kind of concept of what's legal or not.
They're just trying to kill him.
This is the people involved in your conspiracy that they're openly bragging about.
It would be so, there would be so many holes.
You would need all these low-level morons.
Again, not all these, just one guy.
Yeah, here's all the ballots oh yeah i collected
these wink wink one guy who at no point goes hey i feel bad about subverting democracy like none of
you feel bad there are you want trump dead none of you feel bad the point is you go to a guy and
you go you know how often does it go like this is uh how often is cocaine being sold around the
country right now no but how often do you hear these stories of a guy who goes,
hey, I want to kill my wife.
And I told my friend, and my friend said, yeah, yeah, I'll help you.
He'll kill your wife.
And then immediately goes to the FBI and goes, hey, this guy's trying to kill his wife.
Okay, now extrapolate that off across the hundreds of thousands of poll workers.
You need to also individually approach you think people feel
the same way about fucking murder that they do about oh yeah i'm gonna cram fucking ballots
what are the odds that not a single person would welch on this elaborate plan which you admit it
just involves random people oh yeah i let i let a bunch of ballots through pass the deadline whoops
why don't one of you guys just pretend to be like a hardcore lefty guy,
hang out in an election place, keep saying,
I'll do anything to get Biden elected.
I'll do fucking anything.
I'll kill my mother.
And then when somebody comes to you and goes, hey, are you serious about that?
You go, yeah, yeah, yeah.
They go, okay, cool.
Here's how we're going to do it.
Yeah.
There you go.
Because we don't have any black guys.
So we can't do that.
That's the problem.
Johnny Rocket for-
No, I already did that one.
Jeff M for five.
Please, for the love of God, no more talk about Vito's head goo.
Fuck you.
Hugh Jazz for two.
New year, new problems.
Cheers, guys.
Lemon Trash E for five.
I got catfished.
Turns out all these sexy lady pictures I've been liking were posted by a guy.
My reputation is ruined.
Can someone help?
Is that the stupid Rikada stuff?
Someone was sending Rikada pictures claiming to be a sexy woman in Rikada.
I can't believe it.
He said, wow, look at those tits.
And that means he's gay because it was actually a guy.
I don't know that it was a guy.
It's coming from Kiwi Farms.
They're the ones that said Bella's boiling hamsters, which is preposterous on its face.
I just don't get it.
I hate Rikita.
I think getting catfished is like...
You doing something embarrassing.
Right.
It has to expose something.
That's like the whole point.
Like, oh, man.
Saying you think pictures of a chick are hot is not...
In public.
In public.
And then going, well, actually...
It's actually me, a guy.
But the pictures aren't of a guy.
The pictures are of a girl.
It's a guy posted pictures of a girl.
I bet you sent him something really dirty.
Hey, what do you think of these tits?
Oh, those are pretty nice.
Those are my tits.
Oh, you have nice tits.
I'm a guy.
You're kidding me.
Isn't it funny?
Why isn't everyone making fun of Nick?
Because it's so funny.
The hate against Nick is becoming stupid.
Exhausting.
Michael Fee for five.
My grandmother would have suggested a hooker's bath.
You wash your face.
It's a sailor's bath or a hooker's bath.
Not a fucking Mexican shower.
Perfume, though, isn't it?
Yeah.
Spray Old Spice all over yourself.
My grandmother says a hooker's bath.
You wash your face, armpits,
and crotch
with water from a sink.
There you go.
Gentleman sausage for five.
If nothing else,
veto his hand down.
The most sebaceous comedian
on the internet,
and that's an accomplishment
for which he'll always
be remembered.
Stray beans for three
says Eric July
reduced the price
of his $99 a month
members club.
Well,
at least he realized
what a ridiculous,
he probably had nobody sign up for the $100 I year. I hate that shit. Yeah, yeah.
You're probably right. Yeah, because everyone's like, what is it?
I get 30% off t-shirts?
How is this... He made it
bad by giving you a discount.
Like, he made it seem
crass by giving this shitty discount.
Right. He should have known better than that.
It's also one of these things where I think when you reach the point
that you're making millions, obviously making
millions of dollars from your
entrepreneurial whatever,
you have to turn it around. Like, you can't
just be, with us, we can have a Patreon because we suck.
And also, you get a little something. You get the
fucking bonus episode. But him, for $100,
you get nothing. It's like, well, no, you gotta do what
Sneeko's doing. You gotta tell people, I'm gonna make you
a millionaire or whatever. There has to be
a value proposition. I'll be your dad. I'll be your dad.
You get to talk to me. I will send
you a postcard once a
year saying I'll be
back from the store soon. On Father's Day.
That's a pretty good bet.
That's how Father's Day works, right? Your dad
gives you a card.
Coup for five. A tro
or GVRO in
California requires you to temporarily give up your guns to the police
and you need to petition to get them back.
Yeah.
I'm not saying you should accept a restraining order.
I just don't know why he would need one.
When is it the last time you have been in the vicinity of Maddox on purpose?
He would get one for talking about him because he's a retard.
Do they have that?
They have restraining orders just like you can't mention this person?
Ralph has one.
His first baby mama has one against him.
It's so weird that that's like an obvious First Amendment violation.
Yeah, it's horrible.
Coup for two.
Matty knows the adage, fat is flavor.
I mean, I think he has one.
I don't know.
That's true.
Fat is flavor.
Salt, fat, heat.
I got all of it.
JJ for five.
I hope Crimsel enjoyed his holidays and give him all the energy he needs since he needs
to go find a job now.
Get a job, Crimsel.
Snazzy Raz for ten.
Hey, Dick, what was that pre-work you recommended to Sean?
American Vintage.
American Vintage.
Blast.
Wait, what do you mean pre-work?
Pre-workout.
You drink it before you work out.
Okay.
Koo for two.
We need a weigh-in jingle.
Name your price veto.
Well, not going to be any weigh-ins ever, I guess.
Somebody doesn't like money.
Again, $50 a month.
You can get the scale picture.
How's that?
Michael Fee for five.
Vito refusing to make the fans happy.
Make some ematics.
They're throwing out the M word.
Cougar Hughes for 10.
Hey, Vito.
$2.92. Towel rag. It's not a the M word. Cougar Hughes for 10. Hey, Vito.
292.
Talarag.
It's not a Talarag problem.
Michael Fee for two.
Fatics gained.
No.
Paranoid Syntax Hour for five.
This super chat could have had two zeros at the end of it just for the weigh-in, Vito.
Honestly, I just feel bad for 10. Yeah, they're going to get mean, too.
When you don't give them what they want, like Maddox says.
Johnny Rocket for two says, Boogie dumped his girlfriend.
She got too old. No, he didn't. Did he?
I thought he was marrying her. He traded her for some
magic cards. I heard. They're still
together. Traded her for some dual lands.
Influence History for five. Can I use the pledge manager
to add extra shipping fees onto my
comic? I'm not really into comics. I just
like paying for shipping.
Yeah, sure. Go nuts.
Darius Rynekov goes for five classy
to give out the comic for free to those who don't have any
money, yet nickel and dime his actual
supporters. I'm not nickel and
diming anyone. You have to
pay for the shipping. That's it.
I could have charged it up front. I'm
charging it later.
You can get a refund, okay?
Oh, no. I've already said that.
When the shipping prices come out, you can look at it and you go, you know what? The shipping's too much. I don't want the comic. You can get a refund, okay? Oh, no. I've already said that. When the shipping prices come out, you can look at it and you can go,
you know what?
The shipping's too much.
I don't want the comic anymore.
And that's fine.
The shipping's going to be very affordable.
Who could say that?
Who would say that?
What's it going to be?
Four bucks plus four bucks shipping and handling?
No, there's not going to be any handling charge.
It's all going to be very affordable.
You know what?
I'll ship it in Eric July's $15 cardboard mailer.
How's that?
Okay, that's cool.
Webbandit for two.
You guys never watched John Riff's Maddox video.
Oh, shit.
Sorry.
I don't know which one that was.
Guy Cool for five.
Vito, drink rain if you want to drink energy drinks.
They're 10 calories and zero sugar.
I like Prime.
I already said them.
That's Logan Paul.
He's such a fuck bag.
Yeah, I know.
It sucks.
Scam artist or whatever.
50 Cent owns Vitamin Water.
He's not a crypto scammer, though, is he?
I guess there's nothing wrong with 50 Cent.
I was trying to think of what 50 Cent did wrong, but he's actually a pretty nice guy.
Hanging upside down.
Yeah.
Laughing about it, too.
The worst thing 50 Cent ever did was not give me a re-release of 50 Cent, Blood on the Sand,
the PS2 game where 50 Cent conquers Fallujah.
Oh, that's cool. That is a good one.
Michael Fee for 10. Celsius is
good too. I've lost 110 pounds so far
and I drink a Celsius every morning.
TBF. I also exercise daily and count
calories. Good try. Nice try.
I'm the John for 2.
See, I called it. Fat exclaimed.
Put your hands for 5. You guys should do a
review of the American Society of Magical
Black People.
Based on the trailer, it's going to be awful.
Am I allowed to say the name of the movie if it's a name of a movie?
I wouldn't.
I don't want YouTube's filter would probably see me say it and strike the stream.
Is that what they mean with we need more black voices?
No.
Like a fucking joke movie that's got magical ends in it?
Slurp for 500 Japanese yen, I believe, at the current exchange rate.
That's about $3.50.
I think he's contributing to, again, biggest problem in Japan coming soon.
You should look into it.
Biggest problem is mandatory corporate fun work outings organized by the HR Gestapo
with people you hate where you can't get drunk or say slurs.
That sounds like you should vote up office parties.
That's a good one.
Dumb username for five when you tap the shift key
too many times and that pop-up appears.
Oh, the sticky keys. Fuck sticky keys.
You can permanently disable that, I'm pretty sure.
I gotta do that then.
I think when it pops up, you can
permanently disable it. How are you guys still getting the
sticky keys warning? I hate it.
Pigeon for five. Vito, boy, they run fast.
Don't they, Giswaldi?
Well, they're good.
Maxwell for 17. Vito and boy, they run fast, don't they, Giswaldi? Well, they're good. Maxwell for 17.
Vito and Dick, it's your boy Prime.
As an attorney, I'm considering reaching out to Maddox to satisfy my pro bono requirements.
It's the least I could do for a vulnerable, low-income adult.
Well, you know, oh, you'd violate attorney Prime.
Yeah, exactly.
So I can't get anything good out of it.
Why does he want a restraining order?
How does that help him at all?
Just so he has something to lord over you?
Yeah, because he would say, like,
And this, a court gave me a restraining order, so that makes me right.
Would that make it so that you couldn't talk about him on your show anymore?
Is that what he wants?
He wants me in jail.
Well, he's not getting banned.
He wants Patreon to...
He wants Patreon to ban you.
I know that.
That's all he wants.
So if you email him
And ask to get taken off
His stupid Nazi
Doxing list
He says
Thanks
And if you also want to help
Here's
Patreon's
Complaint
And their VC
Investors
Like Tiger Capital
That's got
You know
Who knows
100 billion
So he's a bad person
He's a total
He's a total piece of shit
Yeah
He deserves to be Creep of year, decade, whatever they're doing.
He's a total piece of shit.
It's like...
He's extorting people to get them off of a list that has a bunch of Nazi shit on it.
And then using them to email Patreon and Patreon's dad to get me kicked off.
It's like too...
It's like, you know when something's funny, but then it's not actually funny? It's like to get me kicked off. It's like too, it's like,
you know when something's like funny but then it's like
it's not actually funny.
It's like,
it's not funny.
That's just fucked.
Yeah.
Just go do like the banana,
what else could he do?
He could make like another video
about like Ed Sheeran sucks
or,
you know,
go make some cuck pornography
or something.
Cuck porn,
do that.
Yeah,
you like cucks?
Just,
anytime I start thinking about Maddox, I get like, I'm like, come on, man. I got, Pornography or something. Cuck porn. Do you like cucks? Just.
Anytime I start thinking about Maddox, I get like, I'm like, come on, man.
I have a signed copy of his book somebody sent in.
Oh, do you?
Yeah.
You should burn it.
I was looking.
I'm not going to burn it.
I did fuck up the dust jacket, though.
I was like, I got to get another dust jacket for my Maddox book.
I think I might have one here.
You can have this one.
I don't have a copy of that one yet.
Is that the good one?
I have the fire truck book.
Oh, the fire truck book is horrible.
Yeah, it kind of sucks.
Okay, well.
Is Alphabet of Manliness, is that the good one?
Yeah, that was the first one. Yeah, and then it was the fire truck book, and then it was the whale book.
Yeah.
Why does he make another book?
Because he can't write
he's not funny there's gotta be something he can do there's no way he can get another book deal
not after his behavior did you guys watch that that tiktok where he's in that restaurant
everybody keeps like getting up and changing seats i didn't get it they're roofing their date
oh everyone's roofing their date. And then they're all tapping.
That's fun.
It's like the kind of sketch that's like you describe it and that's it.
It's the kind of sketch that a woman in L.A. wrote.
Oh, is it?
I'm sure it is.
Okay.
Projects Unimportant for Five.
The world will one day realize that Sean Connery was right about how to treat women.
Yes.
Webando for Two.
Is this the new airing of grievances episode?
I feel like every episode is becoming the airing of grievances.
As the show goes on, you discover more and more things.
No, we love this show.
God of Hellfire for five.
Vito, thanks for the snacks.
There you go.
Darius Ranikovic is for five.
Vito, whining about control is this show's very own diversity, equity, and inclusion.
LJ Acabarino for five.
Richard must unalive Vito.
Vito must unalive Richard.
How are y'all going to do it?
I would never kill you, dick.
Yeah.
Thanks.
You're the only one keeping me alive.
Terry Hesticles for two.
Why is Vito's problem just woke marketing?
Shut up.
God of Hellfire for ten.
Biggest problem is people pointing out how problems be similar,
like they'd be mad that the list is whatever, whatever.
Yeah, exactly.
Some problems are similar to other problems.
What do you want me to do?
Disciple of Dagon for two.
Glad to catch my two dads streaming smooches.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Koo for five says, Vito, you're beautiful at any size.
Wet Bandit for five says, Vito crying about keyboard rights.
Oh, Fat X Gain.
Fat X Gain.
That's what he's trying to say.
Shut up.
He's a huge F word. F slur. Oh, he's doing a song. Fat X Gain. That's what he's trying to say. Shut up. He's a huge X-ler.
He's doing a song.
Yeah.
The old.
Fat X Gain.
You didn't know this song, do you?
I know.
I've heard it.
You have?
Yeah.
Fat X Gain.
Fat X Gain.
That's what he's trying to say.
Don't call me.
Oh, my God.
That's going to catch on.
White Bandit for five.
Vito crying about keyboard rights just so he can Google a Wikipedia page of a woman dentist
so he can fake outreach over it.
It was pathetic.
Thought it was a good bit.
Tim K for five.
Why does Vito pet and pat his gurgling tummy every time he laughs?
No, I don't.
That's not a thing.
God of Sleep for ten.
Vito demands keyboard equity.
I do. I like having the keyboard. So why don for 10. Vito demands keyboard equity. I do.
I like having the keyboard.
So why don't you bring your own fucking keyboard in?
I'll get my own keyboard.
I'm going to get my own keyboard.
Good point.
Claps are up to the story for 10.
How much to get Vito to do a freestyle over the Titanic song or Titanic adjacent rap beat?
No rapping.
Oh, man.
Always goes badly.
No, Vito's not doing anything at all.
No rapping.
No weigh in. Look. No, Vito's not doing anything at all. No rapping, no weigh-in.
Look, I will tell you. I hate Super Chatfish.
Why don't you guys come up with some bits for Dick?
Because I'm not any good at these things.
You do the Scott Adams, that's good.
Yeah.
You do the Call to Prayer, which is terrible.
And they're all good.
JJ for five.
Jack Murphy had the liminal order.
Most famous member was a guy named McCloud who did a goofy thing in Denver.
Killed somebody.
Yeah.
All these guys.
Real.
Yeah, the masculinity guru.
I thought we actually did something about these guys before, but I don't know.
We talked about Jack Murphy before.
I know that.
Just own it.
Dean Shock for 10.
Another banger, boys.
Dick looking extra fine with that wet hair.
It is such a marvel to watch Eric spin stories around
like we all have the memory of a goldfish.
He just will not shut up.
He's talking about actually quality and being on time are the same.
You don't sacrifice one for the other.
And then he's got floating 3D doors in the middle of his panel.
Okay, what drives me nuts is
Eric's not drawing any part of the comic, okay?
I don't even think he's really writing the comic.
I think he makes, like, a 10-page outline
and somebody else, like, fills it in.
There's no way.
It's way too stupid,
and every character talks like him.
So you think he's writing an entire script?
Yeah.
I think he might have them hand it back to him,
and then he just pencils in the dialogue for scenes that they've already created.
He would actually say this here.
I could see him changing the dialogue around.
Man, it's too bad for anybody who's ever written a ghostwriter to come up with. It's too
bad. I just don't understand how you
write an entire thing and at no point
ever once in your thousands upon
thousands of tweets and videos go,
when I was writing Isom,
I did this.
As I was
writing Isom, I started to think,
what if? I've never
heard him say anything about the writing process
at all it's something that would just randomly come up like oh why did you make isom this way
well as i was writing it i knew that in this scene he was gonna have to do this so that's
the reason i wrote it like that you're right and as a writer as somebody who's talking about shit
i've written that it's like impossible to not talk like that.
And he is very obnoxious.
He talks all the time.
I don't think he wrote it.
I think you're right.
That Caro chick did.
Somebody else.
She does like urban fantasy or something.
I don't know who else wrote it.
And again, I don't actually know.
I guarantee she wrote it but there's
there's she's on the cover there's no way you write an 80 page comic and have endless live
streams about it and if somebody has doesn't even write a tweet without talking about what he was
thinking during the tweet you're right if anyone has a clip of him being like this is why i wrote
it this way or i knew i had this scene i originally had it here but then i realized i had to move it
so it would fit in here.
Or the reason I wrote this character like this,
I've never heard him say a single thing like that.
Busted.
Dude, it's like...
You're like Derek Chauvin.
I've written...
Or he's Derek Chauvin
and you're that judge that sent him to prison.
I want to hear him say those things
because I genuinely...
Because it would be hilarious.
I want to know what his writing process is but as time
has gone on I go I don't think he has
a writing process because I don't think he wrote
it and if he did write
it I think he handed like a four
page outline to somebody and said
Isom goes to a bar
Isom confronts Darren Isom
fights this guy like he might have a list of
bullet points but there's no way
that he went panel like Like, the way my
script is, I have an 80-page script. You've read it.
Panel one, Isom enters the bar and sees
this. Yeah, it's normal. Panel two,
I don't think he wrote that.
I don't think that exists. And if it exists,
he didn't write it. He would definitely have said,
this is the moment I realized when
I had to get Isom back to the
tailor in Taylorsville.
Right. And that's when I thought, this would really fuck up my audience of Max if I had to get Isom back to the tailor in Taylorsville. Right. And that's when I thought, this would really fuck up my audience of Max
if I had Sam have a gun and then I cut away.
I invented that.
I invented, I call it a July, an Isom hanger.
An Isom hanger.
I have to come back.
Like a cliffhanger?
No, no, no.
Cliff Richards, the artist?
No.
I don't work with him anymore.
For some reason.
I really don't think you wrote it.
I think you're onto something.
Let's put him on a lie detector test.
I have no way to prove it, but I already said I will pay $100 for the Isom script.
Everybody start fucking with Eric that he didn't really write it.
And ask him what he was thinking when he wrote this line of dialogue
And see what he
I mean my belief is
Somebody out there has to have the Isom script
I don't know who
I want to read it and I want to see if Eric's the one who wrote it
He hasn't
You're right he hasn't talked about writing it
Not once
He would have obviously
He would have talked about it
Yeah that's why he can only
He talked about buying his second forklift that's why he can only talk about buying his second forklift.
That's why he can only talk about warehouses because he had nothing to do with the creative process of the comic
other than probably coming up with the generic idea and maybe some plot beats.
Maybe Glenn Beck wrote it.
Maybe he put on a do-rag and some shoe polish on his face.
I think there's some ghost writer within that organization.
I'm going to be Jewish when I'm done with this.
Someone has suggested it could be that Carol lady.
It very well might be.
It's got to be her.
And if he wrote it, I just don't...
Why does he not talk about writing it?
If it was her, she's a fucking terrible writer.
If she wrote that, she is not non-binary.
She's a woman.
Because it's fucking horrible.
I really want to read the isumscript.
I need to know who actually wrote it.
Disciple of Dragon for five.
Told Shorty to keep that box breathing.
Yeah, she's squeezing the garlic.
Nice.
Michael Fee for 20.
I had an employee, 26 years old, who quit his job because he wanted to join a day trading boot camp.
He had to go to L.A.
He wasn't allowed to bring his car, and he had to sell and install solar panels in exchange for the training.
Maybe it's better that he goes just ripping kids off and not making them install solar panels in exchange for the training. Maybe it's better that Sneako's just ripping kids off
and not making them install solar panels.
Wow, whoever came up with that maybe went to Sneako's scam artist class.
That's all they're going to teach you in their liminal order
or whatever the thing is like.
Scam people.
You see how we just got $100 from you?
Do that to other people.
Did you ever hear the story of the guy who, you know.
The man eating chicken?
No, he would put out ads in the magazine.
He'd be like, do you want to make $50,000 from your home this year?
Easiest thing in the world.
Send me $5 and I will sell you the secrets to making $50,000.
And people would send him $5 and he would send them a letter back saying,
you know what I just did to get your $5?
Do that.
And that was all he would send them a letter back saying, you know what I just did to get your $5? Do that. And that was all he would send them.
That's great.
It's pretty good.
I think he charged like $100.
The secrets of success.
He's like, do what I just did to you, you fucking idiot.
To other people.
Yeah, to other people.
Just rip them off.
Mark for 10.
Dick, you're really crushing it, lady.
Oh, this is you talking.
Dick says, you're really crushing it lately with the abundance of spaghetti.
Oh, no, this is direct at you. Arm day is clearly going well. Vito, your fat hit the gym. I still love the content. Thank says, you're really crushing it lately with the abundance of spaghetti. Oh no, this is direct at you. Arm day is
clearly going well. Vito, your fat hit the
gym. I still love the content. Thank you, Mark.
Disciple of Dagon for five. Diamonds
come from the most horrific situations possible.
Slurping a quick release
perk off the plate like a
pinto bean.
They're making a rap song, right?
I think there's something.
She's squeezing the garlic. Diamonds come off. Yeah, they're having fun. Euthanasia. Give them a good song, right? I think there's something. She's squeezing the garlic.
Diamonds come off.
Yeah, they're having fun.
They gotta be.
Euthanasia.
Give them a good read, you know.
Okay, next time I'll spit the bars.
How's that?
Euthanasia.
Enthusiast for Seven Canadian.
Thanks, fellas.
Good show.
Thank you, sir.
MC Hellshit for a big ten with a thumbs up.
Man with a hat.
Dog.
A little blue dog.
Okay, I love it.
Butts Grenois for five.
Just exchanged greases already.
Turbo garbage for five.
Screw bonus episodes.
Where is the silly pants skating routine?
You're on the hook.
I know.
I got to email some people back.
You're on the fucking hook, dude.
I can't believe you agreed to do that.
I never thought I would get anywhere close to $20,000.
I also didn't think it.
Meanwhile, if this show had more bonus tears, we could be getting closer.
What are you going to do?
Disciple of Dagon for two.
Vito Airlines.
The Q-Tip Express.
Yes.
Petty for a big $20.
Eat your veggies, Crimsel.
Someone's got to make this kid eat his vegetables.
Ernie 80s for 200 pesos.
Yeah, Mexicans.
Hey, if you guys are going to Japan, you should sign up for one of those wacky Japanese game shows.
That'd be great.
Can we do that?
I think they want you to know Japanese, though, right?
Well, they just put white guys on there.
Not according to Saturday Night Live.
Well.
You're not allowed to do that sketch anymore, sadly.
Fucking Mike Myers did a great Japanese guy.
Yeah.
Oh, how?
Oh.
Cheese in my pockets.
Vita for five.
When did the following wars happen?
Revolutionary War, Civil War, etc.
Live for your video content.
Oh, you want us to do that.
We've talked about that.
It's funny, but I don't have a YouTube channel.
What am I going to fucking do that on?
Put it on this channel.
Yeah, okay.
Let's not make any content for the channel.
Good point.
Dumb username for five.
I don't want to get banned. I'm just fucking with you. Oh, yeah. Good show. make any content for the channel. Good point. Dumb username for five. I don't want to get banned.
I'm just fucking with you.
Oh, yeah.
Good show.
Recommended by KyleFPS.
Rashi was the black comedy Mr. Inbetween.
26 episodes in the series, only 20 minutes an episode.
That's what I want.
I want quick.
I want Simpsons reruns.
Yeah.
That's what I want.
Random guy for five.
What do you think of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Dick?
Great show.
Well, good, and then it got all woke in the eighth season.
And they had to ban all the blackface episodes or whatever.
Yeah, and then I hear those guys talk like when they're off camera.
It's like, can you guys just like.
The longer you stay in Hollywood, the more you become Hollywood.
Can you pretend to be funny?
It happens to all those guys, man.
Yeah.
Then they all end up disavowing their old stuff.
DLK for five.
I love this show.
Hosted by my favorite podcasters, Dick Masterson and Mr. Feast.
Thank you.
Kagon Postle for two.
Vito's Taco Bell and Prime Fund.
I'll take that.
Carl Duckett for five New Zealand.
Vito, have you tried Huel?
It's like dog food for humans or Spaceman powder.
You get all the calories and vitamins you need in one easy shake.
Yeah, my problem is that I don't have enough bland
paste to eat.
That's what I'm really
losing out on.
I wish I had more gruel
is my biggest problem.
So many people that
swear by Huel.
That Instagram food.
I'm so excited that I'm just
gonna, even though the weight loss conscious is over,
I'm still being recommended what stupid shit I got to eat and drink and whatever else.
I hope it goes on forever.
Dumb username for five, weight loss conscious idea.
Dick incorrectly guesses Vito's weight.
He has to sniff the inside of Vito's hat.
I don't think either of us would want that.
Yeah, I don't think I need that.
Jacob for 10.
I don't think the audience wants that.
I don't think anybody needs that.
Jacob says, I had patellofemoral surgery recently.
Do you have any idea what that is?
Is that the leg?
Yeah.
Some artery.
Some kind of, I don't know.
Why don't you say heart surgery or something?
Yeah.
Nobody knows what a fucking patellofemoral is.
It was a long recovery, but thanks, Vito, for being here with this show to help me get by.
recovery, but thanks, Vito, for being here with this show to help me get by. I ended up having
to fly to Africa for it, since
that's where the knee
is extended.
But he didn't say extended. He says it grows.
Okay. I do love that old pun.
David Gomez for five. Vito tries to scam us
out of bonus episodes. I'm not scamming anyone
out of bonus episodes! I'm taking five
of my pledge off biggest problem, putting it on the Richard show.
Also, VOO
is the S&p 500 oh what did
i say i don't know what you said i think you might have said that s&p yeah michael well you said no
you said the dow jones oh sorry i forget the difference between the dow jones and the s&p
michael for five contest time dick versus veto dick tries to go one week without drinking
veto tries to go one week without buying toys no neither of us of us has to do any of that. You like to drink.
I like to buy Cowboy Bebop figures and arrange them level on my shelf.
I would stop you.
Yeah, but both are very unhealthy.
There's definitely a level of-
I could stop drinking more than you could stop buying toys.
I feel like I go through phases of buying toys.
Monday, Tuesday.
Yes.
Wednesday.
I don't normally buy a lot of shit.
Just lately I've been like, eh, it's cold, you know.
I think the cold weather.
God, you went from actual trying to get healthy to tanking it with gimmicks of water weight,
and now you're back on eating, buying shit.
What can you do?
Winter affects us all in different ways.
Disciple of Dagger
for five. Head gunk Vito. Exfoliating Vito.
Always with the fermented core cheddar.
DC
Connelly for two. Drug test, not a breathalyzer.
Jacob for five. Head and shoulders is cheaper
than the weird scalp scrapers you buy. Vito.
David Gomez for two. Last super chat
until Vito weighs in.
Don't encourage that
Anonymous for five
Thank you Anonymous
LJ Clabarino for five
Dick and Vito
Would you rather have
Two lesbian moms
Or two gay dads
Gay dads
Yeah
Disciple of Dagon for two
Vito we want to see
Your Bara arc
What's that?
Some anime shit
Soul 2X for two
Last Chat
Until Vito weighs
I'll just end the show How's that? How about You know what Some anime shit. Sold 2X for two. Last chat until Vito weighs.
I'll just end the show.
How's that?
How about, you know what?
Last episode.
There you go.
We'll just end the show.
Is that what you want?
Dumb motherfuckers. Don't try to blackmail me.
You need this show more than I do.
All right?
Sounding very Emmy.
You know what?
I'll just leave.
I'm just done. I'll just leave I'm just done I'll just move
No more show cause everybody's so mad
Cause their favorite bit that I gave them for six
Straight months
Is on temporary hiatus
So when though when is it coming off hiatus
I'm going to New Hampshire I'm gonna live in the knife warehouse
Buy all your knives
And bladed goods
At PVK on the internet.
When is the bit coming out of hiatus?
Well, we got to workshop it a little bit.
Anonymous for five says, Vito, you're beautiful.
Thank you.
Drunk at Atheist Studio for five.
I had to have a guy arrested twice within 12 hours.
The second time he tried to break into my apartment with a hammer.
The judge denied me a restraining order.
Yeah, good luck.
You're a man trying to get a restraining order.
Only ladies get those.
Jacob, for two, we need Dick to weigh in as well.
I feel very fat today.
I've got to be 217.
I wish I was 217.
At least.
You got some good, you got some beefy arms though, huh?
Yeah, but I've been drinking a lot and eating a lot this week.
Yeah.
I'm telling you, Christmas time, like the holidays.
I was fine last week. Doesn't cold weather make you feel like you're going to, you want this week. I'm telling you, Christmas time. Like, the holidays. I was fine last week.
Doesn't cold weather make you feel like you want to, like, I don't know, eat more?
Eat? No. Not really.
Get through the cold.
Carafro for 20. My 9-year-old daughter asked why the kids at school
giggle and act like dick is a bad word.
She asked, aren't they talking about that guy you
listen to? I lulled and told
her they're just jealous. It's not a bad
word. Get out of here.
Car from... What's his last name?
Cocksucker.
Don't say that.
I have a poor family.
You're going to ruin that, girl.
Don't tell her any of this
stuff. James Gardner for 20. More bunnies
in the chat. Coup for 5.
Last part of the Fatics gained party.
Here's a kitty diddler.
Shut up.
Euthanasia enthusiast.
He's a kitty diddler.
Terrible.
I knew the perk was fake, but I ate it anyways because I'm a gremlin.
Kermit's older than you, Vito, and he eats dino nuggies.
Well, that's no good.
Guys, we have a great show here.
Don't forget, check out all the bonus episodes at patreon.com.
That's not a good part.
Slash biggest problem.
Last Super Chat mark for two.
If you don't make your arms bigger instead of weight loss, we will do it.
Is this our current patrons?
Yes, we love you all.
Once again, we will be doing our biggest problem in 2023 roundup.
That will be hopefully very soon.
Maybe Monday we can record that.
Don't forget to check it out.
Vote on all the problems at biggestproblem.show.
And guys, please, on the biggest problem site, there is a new short that I have posted.
Put it on loop and watch it endlessly so it gets into the algorithm.
Oh, the Wolverine one.
At least watch it once.
We got some funny stuff in there.
It's a good clip
Dick, thanks for having me
And that is the final episode of this stupid
Oh, man
How are we gonna get you on that scale?
I'm gonna gamify it again
Nah, I gotta use other means
If you make a stealth scale, are you gonna trick me?
Yeah
Every time I come in, the scale's hiding in a different part of the... I'm going to have to.
I'm forced to now. You're
forcing me. I'm like, come on. Hey, Vito, there's cookies up on the
high shelf. You just got to step on this box
real quick to get to them. Okay,
cool. I do like cookies.
I'm going to weigh... I'm going to put a
scale under your car. Okay.
And then I'm going to see what the car... What if I
put stuff in the car? I'm always putting... It's when you
get out, though. You're going to park, and the scale will register something.
Oh, that is what I'm going to do.
I'm going to tell the city that you're fucking with the street.
And then when you get out, when you get out of the car...
You don't know where I'm going to park.
I got nothing but time.
Yeah, I guess so.
I got all the time in the world, buddy.
Why don't you just knock me out and throw me on a scale?
Why don't you just, you know, cold cock me in the back of the head with a beer bottle?
I don't want to throw my back out for this bit.
All right, goodbye, everyone. Haveogni in the back of the head. I don't want to throw my back out for this bit. All right.
Goodbye, everyone.
Have fun, guys.
We'll be back.