The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 123

Episode Date: January 13, 2024

Abandoning American Citizens Abroad, "Would", Too Many Asians at Costco, Live Service Video Games

What the fuck? You roll in, at least pull the mic down. Pulling the mic down. You roll in like the sleepiest, like a fucking hobo. I am like a hobo. How do you do comedy like this? How do you explain yourself? Oh man, I got bed sores.

What are you fucking doing? Oh my god, I have an itch. Oh god! Disgusting! It's alright, everything's fine. It's all gonna be good. It's just like, you're Disgusting. It's all right. Everything's fine. It's all going to be good. It's just like, you're like Artie Lang, except, you know, he would have bursts of- At least he had heroin as an excuse.

Yeah, at least chug the coffee for fuck's sake. Give me a second. You sip it, and then it kicks in like the last ten minutes of the show. Yes, it does. like the last 10 minutes of the show. Yes, it does. You can't get, you can't, seriously, you can't wake up at 6.30, whatever time you

wake up to come over here. And drink coffee at your home and then come over? So the coffee will at least be working? My coffee machine sucks. But you can't do that? I don't use my coffee machine because it makes terrible coffee

And then I get sick if I drink it Add my spoon to the pile You're such a liar You get sick if you drink your coffee It's too acidic, the coffee that comes out of my coffee machine I fucking swear to God I'm fine Why don't you get some cold brew or something

I have a regular amount of energy You are dead You're like a fucking hibernating bear No I'm not Everybody likes it No There was one episode Where I didn't have energy

Like one It's like Slowpoke Doing a podcast with the Pokemon Slowpoke No one complains Nobody complains People complain all the time No they don't

I have to do so much more work With energy wise When you show up like a corpse I have to get twice as drunk We should be live Oh we are live I think I know Oh oh oh you mean this should be live Yeah Well this we are live, I think. I know. Oh, oh, oh, you mean this should be live.

Yeah. Well, this is going on the podcast version. And then I can't mix the audio right because you're so quiet when you're out of energy. Okay, look. Usually you come in screaming like the fucking, the Dozen Brothers Italian Trattoria. Everything's going to be great. Everything's fine. The Lasagna Brothers.

I have plenty of energy, okay. Did you even tweet it, the show? I tweeted an hour before. I'll tweet now. Were you awake then? Were you going to sleep then? That was when I woke up. This is you an hour after you wake up?

Yeah. Why, do you wake up full of pep? Yeah, man. You're a pep man. Don't fucking hit me with that shit. All right. What? You like ease

into your fucking routine. Yeah. Started up with some calling things, put men on things.

I got my top men on it. And then I get distracted, so I don't even know if I'm doing my stuff

right. Probably not. Probably not. Oh, hey, that slow fade from the last

episode was pretty good oh it was good okay i'll do it again i was a fan of that look we have a new intro too see i saw it looks uh it's nice and i'm such a cocksucker i never credited the other guy rob caru i was supposed to put him in he's like can you put me in the description? I said of course and I never did the video for the intro Well, yeah, but then I couldn't figure out like how to do it every time I forget yeah I said can't you just put it in like the video? That's what people are looking at they're not looking at the fucking description. I can add it You can make a default whatever it is's starting. Vito is caffeinating

on that. I'll transition now. Ooh. Let's get a guess of how much energy Vito has in him in the chat. I have plenty of energy. Dick Lake does this thing where he... You sound like you're on Xanax. I know exactly what that sounds like. I have plenty of energy.

Okay? I got a good three hours of sleep or whatever it is. Just more than enough to do this useless podcast. This is the best day that ever happened. Did you not see EVS's review tonight? Two hours going through ISOM, critiquing it from a story perspective, and the art perspective was fucking mind-blowing. I was like, oh, my God, that's so true.

And he's quoting the artist that taught him this in a book you got to read. I'm like, oh, god, that's so true, and he's quoting the artist that taught him this in a book you gotta read. I'm like, oh fuck, this is amazing, dude! This is amazing! It is pretty crazy. And it's all basically my art, because my art is fucking with people until they show their true colors, which caused all of this.

So it's basically my... It's really fascinating that the... I can't even listen to you, it's so my... It's really fascinating that the... I can't even listen to you so slow. I'm not slow. I'm precisely picking my words, okay? Stop trampling me. I find it interesting.

See, you're making it worse. You're making it worse because now... I'm not saying anything. I'm not saying anything. What? The whole indie comic community is having a spat. Oh, yeah? Having a big hubbub.

You know why? Because of Tony from Hack the Movies. That's my line. It's got nothing to do with me. Tony from Hack the Movies is St. Patrick of Comic Skate. He drove all the snakes out of Comic Skate. I'm Tony from Hack the Movies, and I drove the snakes out of Comic Skate. He drove all the snakes out of Comic Skate. I'm Tony from Huck the Movies, and I drove the snakes out of Comic Skate. There goes so much dribble.

Yeah, so Yellow Flash. He's being a big retard. Yes. I watched a stream where Anna is crying because these fuckers are talking so much shit about her in private. Cecil's sitting there with a dumb look on his face going, wow, maybe I should have been fucking with Dick so much. That guy seems to have a real handle on who's an asshole. Who's talking shit about him?

I don't know. Well, apparently they're all- Probably nobody. They didn't show it, so probably nobody. I think that- Is Cecil coming around and kind of likes you now? I doubt it. No one ever goes back on what they- Right, no one can admit that.

Yeah. But I could see in that silence, I could see the realization that the world around him is not what he thought. And that dangerous thinking always leads to Dick was right.

But people veer off. They go, Oh, I can't! No, it's too frightening! It's like the Ark of the Covenant. Oh, no! I can't see it. Everybody came at us because they're like, well, they're just fucking with Eric Geline because he's talented and black and popular. Because he's a predator. No, because he's a bad guy.

Yeah. Like, it's obvious. You should have gatekept your hobby more. Yeah, honestly. You should have gatekept harder. Now him and his YouTube friends are trying to hijack your whole indie comic space to make trash. A Me Too feminist who supports transing kids into your comic. Which is the complete opposite of what you said you wanted.

Two of them. How the fuck do you think that's going to go, you dumb motherfucker? Not trans rights, trans kids rights. Yes. These Tosca sisters. I support the sex industry. I do not support the kids sex industry. Check this out.

What do you got? Oh, wait, is that why you're wearing a hoodie? Because when I came out, I'm like, why is Dick wearing a hoodie? You wore it for a reveal? Is that what this is? Oh, my God! See if that picks you up. Alright, that's pretty good.

That's pretty good. You gotta stand up a little bit so they can see the cat. There you go. Truxme. Truxme. The Truxme shirt. Truxme. Will you put this on the store, please? I'll put it on. Yeah, you gotta send me the graphic. That's a nice... Look at that render. Look at that. You can see all the polygons. This guy made it. I forget his fucking name.

It looks good. Loicious or something. Lubus Clark. I like that the tires are permanently turned slightly to the right. You can't adjust that, so you just have to put it in the comic that way every single time. EBS said, oh that's his truck. That truck becomes a much bigger character in Ice Hockey 2. I can't believe you missed it! You're fucking sleeping your life away! I can't- I- I would know- It was an amazing stream! I might go you missed it. You're fucking sleeping your life away. I can't. It was an amazing stream.

I might go back through it. It was like TonkaSaw. It was like this year's fucking Nick Ricada interviewing TonkaSaw stream. I saw there was like 2,500 people watching just tearing that comic up. Did you see Null Review? He's fucking drawing how it would be better. The disrespect. Oh, here's how this would be better. Drawing right on it.

By the way, I'm going to put this on eBay when I'm done drawing it. Oh, the disrespect. Did you see even Null reviewed Isom? And even he was like struggling to say anything nice about it. He tried to review it to own us. He was going to be like, oh, look, it's actually good. Dick and Vito are awful. Whoops, you should have read it first

before you committed to that one. Bonehead. And then he went, why is there a fucking jewelry ad in the middle of it? And we're like, that's what we've been saying. Everybody owes us an apology.

Everybody. Yellow Fash. We're never getting any apologies. Yellow, no one can say the best nickname for him, which is Yellow F Slur, because all the fucking filters. Yellow Fash Yellow Yellow No one can say The best nickname for him Which is Yellow F Slur Yeah Because all the fucking filters

Right Yellow Trash Yellow Flush Not funny Not as funny as Yellow F Not as funny I totally betrayed everyone Fucked them all over

Quartering owes us an apology Everybody owes us an apology And Cecil owes us an apology A thank you We should be thanked. But I know that you all have gratitude in your hearts. You don't need to thank me.

It's not necessary. I don't even care. And I do not feel your gratitude, and I need you to express it in the form of super chats. That's the only way that it really counts. Oh, I'm so sleepy. How do I get so amped Oh, God. Biggest problem. How do I get so amped up for this fucking show every week? In the universe.

Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe. The only show that ranks every problem in the universe. Oh, yeah. From too long of TV shows to the unnecessary first of hosts. Ooh. Chris Collinsworth. I'm your host, Dick Masterson. Joining me as always is Vito, the fucking sleepy potato.

I was up researching the Jewish tunnels, Dick. Oh, yeah. I'm losing sleep. I'm trying to crack the code. The building code? I'm trying to crack all the codes. All these anti-tunnelites. Yeah, exactly.

A man's got a thirst for the mine. The cold darkness. He's got a hunger for the riches down in the mine. Well, that's the thing. I wonder if women are looking at this and they're like, I wonder what's going on. Meanwhile, me as a man, I'm like, they've dug a tunnel. What do you mean? I've been busted for digging.

I've done. You've got like a tunnel back here, pretty much. I've dug in there. I've dug down that way. I came in my house one day and I moved a secret door and I saw dirt. And I said, dirt in my house one day, and I moved a secret door, and I saw dirt. And I said, dirt in the house? Oh, no one will ever even see me. I could be tunneling right now.

I have a pickaxe and a shovel right behind you, and I'm not joking. Well, maybe we're going to be tunnel boys. No, this is not a tunnel for you. They're ruining the tunnel stuff, though, because immediately everyone's got to go, and they're raping kids in there. I'm like, oh, come on. It's funny enough that the Jews are making tunnels. You don't got to introduce that element into it.

They're obviously using bloody mattresses because they don't want to throw them away and buy safety materials out of cheapness. It's not because they're raping kids. No. They probably dragged it down there so they don't hurt their knees when they're digging and tunneling and scraping the dirt. Even a rapist would go, well, I don't want this. Yeah, I don't want to

rape on someone else's blood. Like, wanting to rape and being able to tolerate someone else's dry blood all over your sex encounter. Yeah. So two different, totally different things. If you're going to rape somebody, you're not going to take them in the tunnel. The tunnel is a sacred place. Yeah. So two different, totally different things. If you're gonna rape somebody, you're not gonna take them in the tunnel. The tunnel is a sacred place.

Ah. So that's been fun news. That's been fun. We got a bonus episode, Dick. See, you're just fucking with me now. I'm just laughing. You're trying to get me to carry the show to try and prove that I don't have energy. I have plenty of energy, okay? You're fucking sleeping!

I am not sleeping. You should blow into a breathalyzer driving over here. That's such energy. I have plenty of energy. You're fucking sleeping. I am not sleeping. You should blow into a breathalyzer driving over here. Such bullshit. That's why you're so miserable all the time because you're up at night when everybody's depressed. All the fun stuff's already happened. Yeah. Well, I'm going to loop back around. It's fun. Oh, boy.

Okay. And then once I get back to the regular sleeps, get like, you know, regular hours, then I got a bunch of sleeping pills. So I'll just take like 10 of those and then I'll fall back to the regular sleeps, get like, you know, regular hours, then I got a bunch of sleeping pills. So I'll just take like 10 of those. Yeah. And then I'll fall asleep at the regular time and never wake up. My doctor wants me to do a sleep study. Those are bullshit.

I did one. Yeah? You have to sleep with this fucking like pinchy thing on your finger and this whole thing around your stomach and these tubes in your nose. I was like, how am I even going to sleep? You can't. Yeah. And then they said you sleep fine. Like, all right, well, this was a fucking waste of time.

Can I just like set up a video camera and see if I gasp for air in the middle of the night? What happens if the sleep people say that you need to lose 100 pounds? Then I'm dead. What do you think that the study's going to discover? That, like, eyeballs can't. The high-tech eyeball machine. Look, I get it, but, you know, maybe there's, like, an interim solution as I lose the weight on my weight loss journey. You know, I hit a scale in your chair this week.

Oh, good. How'd that go? You're too sleepy to notice it. I'm too sleepy to notice the secret chair scale. I weighed myself. I'm very happy with notice it. I'm too sleepy to notice the secret chair scale. I weighed myself. I'm very happy with where I am. Why? Because I'm...

Whatever. I measured my liquor bottles when I took out the recycling this week, and I'm really happy with where I'm at. I'm on a slope. It's all working out. Slope. I hope it's not, too. Shut up.

As I was saying, real quick, we have a new bonus episode. Biggest Problem 2023, now available on Patreon and backed by, I don't know if you saw the clip I posted of the Hamas tunnels. Yeah, I think so. Remember the part where we talked about the A-team theme? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I did a little montage. Oh, that's good.

It looks pretty good. Okay, that is a good one. Check that out on the YouTube if you haven't seen that yet, and then you can watch the whole episode on your favorite crowdfunding platforms. We talked all about the Jewish tunnels. It was mostly a Jewish tunnel. I kept trying to steer the conversation back towards the topic. Now I'm going to put you at a one.

Okay. I kept going, well, Dick, this is the biggest problem in 2023. It's an end of year wrap up. dick this is the biggest problem in 2023 it's an end of your wrap-up it's not the biggest problem in jewish tunnels but somehow we kept coming back there okay let's do let's figure out the um dei some i i did not realize and maybe i'm stupid, is that you could spell it D-I-E. Well, they chose not to do that. And then they did not do that for obvious reasons.

Yeah, and then it's like one of those things where when people do spell it like that, it's like an O. It's too over the top. Yeah. It's too obvious. Okay, it's not. It's interesting, though. It's like when people said, like, Barack Insane Obama. Like, all right, man.

Now you're making everyone look bad. Diversity, inclusion, equity. I mean, you can put those in any order, though, you know? Should have been EI. Well, there's a lot of bad stuff that's with those letters. Then all those planes started crashing. You see that? Because of the women?

Mostly, yeah. Wait, which planes were crashing? I saw a door got ripped off a plane. Yeah. That was part of it. And then they found a bunch of bolts weren't screwed in. Well, anytime... Speedy Gonzalez was sleeping under it.

You ever watch any of those videos about famous airline disasters and you go, oh, like, this is just like a guy takes out on his boat, you know? And you're like, well, when's the last time you inspected the boat? It's like, you know, I looked at it this once.

It's like, it's just... Wait, what? What do you mean a guy takes you out on his boat? Do you want some scotch tape for your eyeballs so you can keep them open? I'm saying that the amount of care... The amount of care that is going into these vehicles is about the same as just a guy owning one

and, like, never taking a look at it. She's like, oh, yeah, the screw assembly for the rotor had not been looked at in eight years, even though every week they're supposed to go and tighten the bolts or whatever. Yeah, I like the progression of desperation with we need to hire. We got to get, hey, applicants, especially black women, if you want to fly planes. And the next one's like, hey, hey, hey, we really want to get some black women in the air. And the next one's like, yo, yo, yo, yo,

my sister. Why? Hey, hey, hey, tell them to put it down. Say, mom has got a job coming in. Yeah, the United ad postings were like, we want more black female pilots. And I'm like, I don't care who's flying the plane at all.

In fact, when I get on the plane and the captain feels the need to be like standing there, you know, like when you're boarding. I hope we crash. Hey, how's it going? You know, I'm like, I know you're flying the plane. Like, I'm not here for you. Okay. Buddy, maybe this was cool in like the 60s when the stewardesses could walk down the aisle without touching both sides of the chairs

at the same time with their hips, but we don't give a shit anymore, okay? Just fucking sit down there and do some last-minute checks. Yell at someone. Yeah, what happened? I guess there was a period of time where it's like, oh my God, he's a pilot, but that was when planes were new.

Now I just look at that guy and I go, can't a computer drive this fucking thing? I would prefer that. I would prefer that. I prefer a computer to serve me drinks here, too. Yeah, honestly, all of you, I don't need you smiling. Well, welcome. What is that little thing?

Hey, welcome aboard. I'm your captain. I don't want to hear from you either. I want no relationship with the pilot. Send out an airline clown that I can take my abuse out on at everybody. Okay, everybody, we're sending out the airline clown. Whoa, and he's like, whoa. He's like a, you know, Shuley the clown.

He's grabbing your drinks off your tray and throwing them on the ground. I fucking hate flying because of you, you fucking asshole. Give me some more peanuts. You come back with one pack of peanuts, you fucking cheap fuck. Okay, the airline clown is a good bit. That's a good sketch. Ooh. And then he's like, he's gone to the sound box and he's like,

merrrr, pointing at some lady. And he can just be a big jerk. Because all the abuse you want to take out on the stewardesses, it's like, oh, God, they're getting really unruly out there. Man, this would be great for a show if somebody didn't spike the pitch with a bunch of overcomplicated shit. That's what?

Be a really great show bit. I didn't complicate the pitch. All I did was take things that were already there and, like... Magnify them. Not magnify them. We're going to put up the pitches. When we get to, what? 10,000 on Patreon? No, we have to beat Carl.

We have to beat Carl. I don't want to beat Carl. We will put up the biggest problem show pitches. Okay. And everyone will go, oh, wait, Vitos is just actually better now. We're going to have EVS go through it like he did. You didn't see the biggest thing in Eric July, the business that we're in, and you fucking sleep through it.

There's a new thing in Eric July every week. I can't stay on top of all of them. Anyway, now we have a Yellow Flashes comic to look out for. You know, I'm starting to think, no offense to you, but that people who are just writers and not artists should not have anything to do with comics.

Yeah. Because they just, like, they have no connection to the art. Right. And they just, like, write and just shit their script out, which is garbage, and then run their mouth for attention. You know what I mean? Yeah, well, that's why I'm- No offense.

Well, no, but I'm storyboarding the whole thing, so I feel like I'm part of the artistic process. Oh, okay. If you look at- I didn't think you were going to say that. Well, at some point, I want to post, I've posted some of the side-by-sides, but the artist is definitely taking my layouts. Or else.

Honestly, I don't know how people are writing comics without storyboarding it, because there'll be times where I go, you know, I wrote on the script, and then I try to put it into panels, and I go, oh, that's not going to work. Like, I have to move that panel here, or I have to change this action, because you can't tell who's talking to who. People should do that with work emails. Yeah. Like, can you...

Just have little illustrations. Can you do a... Can you get, like, me a summary of the expense reports? Then it's like you have to draw them to in the... It does drive me nuts, though, because Eric's whole thing right now is like, you don't have discipline, you're not working hard, and I'm like, you handed a 10-page outline

to a bunch of Brazilians, and I'm pretty sure... No, that girl Caro did. Eric didn't write shit. Yeah, somebody else probably wrote that comic. Regardless, I doubt you have a fleshed-out script. You did not storyboard it. You just handed it off to a bunch of other people. Yeah, I could also just hand money to a bunch of other people to make something.

And then when they make it, I could go, look at all the discipline I have. Do it again. Do it again, but better. Turn the truck wheels slightly to the right on that 3D model I paid for. Now we're at veto level two. Okay, that's good. Shut up. Hustlers Universities came in second.

Oh, man, you got skunked. Yeah. You got skunked last year. I saw that I got skunked. First Ladies was third. I guess you don't even need to be here If I'm doing all the good problems and stuff Okay Well I have something about that

Finish it up Hour long TV shows Well Dick Before you get into voicemails or anything I guess this is a good point to mention that I forgot to do something on the bonus episode That I wanted to do Can I get a drum roll Yeah I forgot to do something on the bonus episode that I wanted to do. Oh.

Can I get a drum roll? Yeah. These are your top ten problems of 2023. Okay. The most voted problems. Remember, you can always vote on the problems at biggest problem that show. Oh, yeah, you did forget this. I did forget this.

We were both kind of looking at each other. I'm like, there's something we're not doing, and I don't know what it is, and I got home and I went. We talked about Eric July. We were both kind of looking at each other going, there's something we're not doing. And I don't know what it is. And I got home and I went. We talked about Eric July. We talked about Jewish totals, which was very important. Let's do the top ten now because we missed it on the bonus episode. Interestingly, the Spider-Man bonus episode was very popular and has two problems in the top ten.

At number ten, the tokenization of Miles Morales. This is people talking shit about Miles Morales. Oh, man, you fucker. Oh, fuck. Yes, you reminded me. I fucking know what you deleted now, you son of a bitch. You dirty deleting devil. You dirty deleting.

Oh, man, you fucker. You dirty deletion. Veto's Twitter. Oh, man. You fucker. Okay. You triggered my memory. Yes. Veto on Twitter. I deleted a tweet. This was the tweet.

Veto being Veto on Twitter. You can stop the song now. You cannot. You can never stop the song, Veto. The archive's not working, so you're fucked. Vito being Vito. But I remember what it was. What was it?

Because it was lost. I saved your tweets. First of all, let me call attention to this one. Sorry, I know I'm interrupting your bit. Okay, that's fine. This is... Uh, what the fuck? Oh, good.

What the fuck is this? So you don't actually have it. No! Well, I guess it didn't happen. That was you challenging Yellow Flash, or accepting Yellow Flash's... I didn't delete it. No! Well, I guess it didn't happen. That was you challenging Yellow Flash or accepting Yellow Flash's... I didn't delete that. No, no, no, I know. Okay.

But that was you. There it is. There it is. Remember, you said to Yellow Flash, remember when you wanted to fight me in real life. Let's make it happen. Pick a venue. I am prepared to fight Yellow Flash. He did issue a threat to you.

Yeah, during a live stream, right? Yeah. He kept saying, well, you know, he better not show his face around here. I'll suck his cock. I mean, I'll knock his cock off with my mouth. All this stuff's been going on now, and somebody was like, hey, remember that time Yellow Flash said he wanted to kick your ass? And I said, I do remember that. Do you remember that?

I wonder if he holds true to that. Let's find out. I bet he'll puss out. Let's see if he pusses out. Well, he's not. Anyone who mentions this tweet to him, he's been untagging himself. They're like, hey, Yellow Flash, are you going to fight Vito? Oh, you bitch.

And he clicks the little untag so he doesn't see the notifications for it anymore. Yellow bitch guy. He's not going to fight me. I would honestly, I would train. You'd kick the shit out of him. I would have this show. We'd document it. I'd get a personal trainer.

I'd go to the boxing gym. And wherever he was looking at, I would have somebody about to molest a kid. And he cannot stop thinking and staring at that. Because you know what motivates me more than anything is just pure annoyance. I just want this guy to shut the fuck up. Because right now he's fighting with Ethan. He's like, well, Vito said we this one time. And that means he's...

And I'm like, you know what? I just want to beat the shit out of one guy who just will not shut up about these stupid fucking ancient tweets. He's trying to do what I did to Eric July. Yeah. To Ethan VanCyver. But that's not going to work. No, because Ethan's funny and fun. Yellow Flash goes, That thing about Spider-Man! So what did I delete? What are you even upset about?

Aha! I knew you were gonna try to get out of it. I'm not trying to get out of it. I don't know what you're talking about. You deleted you complaining that the new Fairly OddParents character is black. Right. the new Fairly Oddparents character is black. Right. You deleted that. Yes. Didn't you? I fucking knew it!

I brought that in to shove in your face because you're Mr. like, well, Santa could be black. Well, the Aragorn from Lord of the Rings could be black. And then you're like, oh, great, Fairly Oddparents is getting a reboot and the protagonist, instead of being little Timmy, a little white boy, is a little black girl. And I was like, what the fuck is this then?

Well, I mean... Vito's Twitter. Vito's Twitter. Look, the point is not that the little, uh, the fairly odd parents has a black little girl character. It's that everything is a black little girl character, you know? Well, that's what everyone said about

fucking Aragorn when you were like, fear of a black elf. It's totally cool that everyone should be- I've said making Aragorn black was stupid. That's a different fear of a black elf. The difference is inventing a new black elf. What? Oh, that's what you were

complaining about? Yeah, I was complaining about the TV show, not the magic cards. Oh, alright. I think the black Aragorn on the magicards is stupid. He's another elf. He's a ferryman. That's different. He's got a legacy. We've had... So you're saying he could be

black. I'm saying it's a very... God forbid you Nickelodeon pedophile show. You can have a cartoon show with a black little girl character. It's just like, when every single show is like, what if it was a little black girl? What if it was a little black girl, what if it was a little black girl? What if it was a little black girl? What if it was a little black girl?

I'm like, okay, guys, how about it's like a white- Little black house on the Perry. Oh, bloody. I mean, it would honestly be better if it was like anything. It's always black, though. That's the weird thing. What if it was a Mexican computer? It's either black or Hispanic. Yeah.

It's never an Asian girl. No, it's either black or half Hispanic and half black. Yeah. And the mom goes around going like, oh, pobrecita, mijo. Oh, mijo, masita. Oh, ay, ay, ay. Like the most fucking racist Speedy Gonzalez shit ever. I just want.

Oh, michichis. I want a situation where it's a white guy gets replaced by a different white guy. It would just be bold at this point. Whoa. Can you believe it? Okay. Do your thing. Number nine.

I'm so glad that was bothering me for, like, the last two hours. I'm like, that motherfucker. I always archive your ass. And then sometimes I go, like, with that yellow flash one, I archived it and said, someone archived this two seconds ago. And I'm like, okay, good, good, good. I just deleted it because nobody knew the point I was trying to make. I was just going, well, I don't see why it can't be a black lady.

I'm like, it's not that it can't be a black lady. It's always, no, whatever. Number nine, people who pretended not to understand jokes. That was from Bow Blacks. Bow Blacks in the top ten. Grooming young men into a culture of simping at number eight. That was you. Good, good, good.

At number seven is short attention spans for the second time. That was from me. At number six, pretending we hate cancel culture. Also from me. At number five, empty parking lots. Oh, man. Also from me. Go vote that one out.

From the Hollywood or the Halloween bonus episode at number four is sexy Halloween costumes larger than a medium. Yeah. At number three, again from the Spider-Man episode, Spider-Man's natural wrist goo. Yeah. That was number one? Or was that you? That was me. Was it?

Yeah. I hate that. You hate when it's not? No, wait. I thought you said you liked it when it's natural. Well, I was lying. I was lying to do comedy if I said that. Okay hate when it's natural? No, wait. I thought you said you liked it when it's natural. Well, I was lying. I was lying to do comedy if I said that. Okay.

Was that you? I don't know. It sounds like something I would complain about. So we don't know who the number one problem is? Well, no, that's not the number one. The number two is the homeless. That was definitely you. And number one.

Get rid of them. The number one problem of 2023. Airbnb cleaning fees. Didn't Destiny do that? That was Destiny. God damn it. So Destiny is the big winner of 2023. Destiny fans, congratulations.

That was a close one for Destiny. On giving that multimillionaire another win. Get a lot of bad news. I hope he's still a multimillionaire after. Let's really send him a celebratory, you won biggest problem for 2023. My wife's about to take half my fortune. But hey. I've been trying to get through to these boys my whole life.

Hey, guys, don't get married. And yet my closest friends. He had the cognizance to sign a prenup there. Does that matter in Sweden? I don't think so. I don't think you could look at a woman in Sweden without it. God, is she going to take all this money?

Oh, man. I haven't kept on the Destiny divorce saga, but it seems like that's an irreconcilable situation. I don't want to know about it. When a guy's getting divorced, I don't want to irreconcilable i don't want to know about it when a guy's getting divorced i don't want to know about it i don't want to know about it when he's married um i really don't ever want to know about a man's family i i well if you're in destiny's audience tell him he's the big winner of 2023 and we'd love to have him Back in 2024. Okay.

Do I have comments here? I don't know. Yeah. Warp. No. Hmm. Dakota says, I just want you guys to know I think of Vito's sepum coming out of his head at least once a day every day at some random time. And you get a boner from it.

You might have a problem, Dakota. Martin, I can't believe you made your mother organize and pay for her own transport to the airport after not seeing you for years because 8 a.m. is too early for you to wake up. Stop saying I'm a sleepy boy. It's weird. Get it together, Vito. For those of you listening to the bonus episode, I talked about making my mother take an Uber to the airport, which is not a big deal. I don't want to drive to the airport. And install the Uber app.

Because you didn't want to wake up at 8am to go to Burbank, the easiest airport in probably the world. Not in the world. It's pretty easy. It's still LA. It's still a pain in the ass. I would've hit traffic. Nyan Norville. These bonus episode intros are my favorite. Vito, you blew my

dick off out my butthole. I love y'all. You make my work day tolerable. Wow, what a great bonus episode we had. I would feel like a fool to not pay for access to that bonus episode. I tell you what. Warp says when Vito expresses his problems, we can call it

Vito weighing in on the heavy issues. But a lot of people like that. It's not, it's like a Garfield book title. Yeah. Garfield lays around or something. Choose the fat. Garfield choose the fat. I remember those. I had a bunch of those Garfield books. Me too.

I'm real mad Chris Pratt is Garfield. Oh yeah. Garfield is like I don't know if it's better or worse than Chris Pratt. It's worse than him being Mario though Yeah These are like iconic Childhood characters Garfield?

Yeah Don't pretend Garfield did not have an effect on your life I love Garfield but I don't know Chris Pratt can be Garfield I don't really care No no no As somebody pointed out They're like How do you not At least let H. John Benjamin

Audition for that role I don't Just You don't want Bob's Burgers To be Garfield No cause it will suck No it won't It'll be retarded

He's got a great voice for that The movie will be retarded though I don't need like To be suckered into seeing it No no no They can make a good Garfield movie There's a lot there Shove this The cat who's. There's a lot there.

The cat who's lazy. That's a lot of fun. Shove this in Vito's ass. Can somebody send one comment that's about like, I want to shove something in Dick's ass, or Dick is an alcoholic, or fuck Dick. Okay, we'll read that one. All right. Belligerous says only Vito slash Fat Ox

could walk away from $200 a week to- Okay, that's negative. Vote up leaving money on the table. Ass Handler says I'm going to say it. Vito is just boogie at this point. Okay. He doesn't want to- Okay.

Um, Viper7k, the bit will never go away as long as Vito keeps making excuses and people keep super chatting slash- How's it? I don't know. I only had those types of comments. Oh, as I said, fuck you. No, uh? I don't know. I only had those types of comments. Oh, as I said, fuck you. No, I don't know. Okay, here's my problem. Yeah. It's

abandoning American citizens abroad. My very close friend, Coach Red Pill, and we've hated women together for a long time, was murdered by Vito's pal, Zelensky. Oh, we're starting this show off on a real fun note.

Jesus Christ. He was raped to death. He was raped to death. He was a downer for the second problem. He was raped to death. It's not a downer because it's what you wanted. I mean, it's what you liberals wanted. I wanted Coach Red Pill to die in Ukraine.

Yeah, or else you could have just stepped in and said, hey, we're going to send you like $100 billion of old missiles. Send us that guy. Send us that guy. That 50-year-old guy that went over there to bang probably, I mean, definitely poor women. Was he originally living in Ukraine

or did he move there? No, I think he lived in Chile. But then he wanted to cover the war? He moved to Ukraine when they were big on doing prostitutes. And then they changed their economy to money laundering for BlackRock and Vanguard. Did he seriously move there for prostitutes? I don't actually know.

Why would anyone move to Ukraine? I don't know. Well, to get a surrogate mother, right? I gotta go over there. He's only doing the lead up. Yeah, he's doing the first part of the surrogacy. And then he sends it over to two homosexuals. Hey, that's a good gimmick.

You get to fuck the whores and the gay guy's got to take the kid? Hey, that's a... Let me loosen this baby maker up. Bang, I opened that cervix wide Let me loosen this baby maker up. Bang! I opened that cervix wide open for you, man. I'm surprised more rich guys, you know, like, don't go. You can buy. I will make a baby for you. I guess you can't sell a baby, huh?

Not after... No, you can. If you go to prison. Yeah. If a woman's going to prison, she can arrange an adoption for a price. Really? Yeah, for people.

I used to work for a guy who did that. I'm saying like Elon Musk can't say, you know, you can father my child for 10 grand. No, you can say that. It's called marriage. What are you talking about? It's a prenup. But I'm saying, can he be like, you know, give me a surrogate. I'll fill you.

I don't know. Yeah, I guess you could. Why do you have to keep saying like fill me with sperm and stuff why do you have to keep saying that part now we're at a veto level three if i was elon musk i'd be out there i'd be like well my sperm's worth something it's elon musk sperm like you might make a super autism baby who can you know build rocket ships why Why are you obsessed with making kids to exploit them? Like, everything goes

back to that for you. You know that when you're too old, they're gonna rise up and destroy you, right? Have you not read any, like, stories about your specific type of weird fetish? It's not a fetish. Parapsychosocial fetish?

I just think there's untapped financial potential there. In having a family? Yeah. That's why we're stuck in this loop, this forever loop. Right. Because of this gambler's fallacy that you're telling us right now. I use that app where you can buy video games, that whatnot app, and there's one guy, and he always has his kid run the auctions,

and I'm like, I know what you're doing, because then people give more. I fucking know that you wish you had a kid so you could do that. And you could tell your wife, like, it's the family business. It's the family business. YouTube is, like, the family business.

Yeah. And the kid goes, wow, we got a Super Nintendo here. And I'm like, they're going to get, like, double the price for that Super Nintendo. And you'd be making the kid, like, stay up all night, because that's when you're up. You're like, I want we got a Super Nintendo here. I'm like, they're going to get double the price for that Super Nintendo. You'd be making the kid stay up all night because that's when you're up. You're like, I want to go to bed, Dad. And you're like, this is the prime hours. You got to stay up, kid.

These are the selling hours. Oh, God. Well, I've gotten us off track. I'm sorry. Coach Red Pill, my good friend, he once told me that I inspired him. To do what? To hate women more. Oh.

And I'm very proud of that. That's how he died. That's because he hated women so much he wanted to exploit them in Ukraine. You killed him. And he lived, really, the dream, which is your death is talked about by Tucker Carlson. Right. I don't know if that's my dream. That's on my side

that's our dream like man if i could just die and tucker carlson will like interview my dad and my dad won't like laugh at any part of the interview was he supposed to laugh i know if my dad gets on with tucker carlson he's gonna try to tell some fucking jokes how did they confirm that he's dead? We don't know. Zelensky got an amphibious jet ski with all of our money and dragged his body around his mansion in Panama. Did he do a cool jump through a ring and the body's bumping around behind him? Yeah, he jumped over a pile of our flaming money. Yeah. Well, this is one of those situations where I go, Yeah, but maybe you just shouldn't have gone, you know Well he was there for a while

He was there for a while Just doing America stuff, isn't that our thing? Like we're taking democracy and free speech to all these people Well that's the thing That guy was doing a free speech I know, I know No, they should say, hey, let him back or we'll nuke you And NATO

What's the point? I'm saying like morally he was you know right he's right as a journalist to go and do and he was correct and stuff yeah sure whatever i know he had a lot of opinions he got killed by it's also just one of those things where i go yeah well you know do you want to be the morally correct guy in the mousetrap or just not want to be in the mousetrap like it do you just not want to be in the mousetrap? Like, it's... I don't want to go over there and piss off a bunch of Ukrainians. Like the game? It never works. Yeah, that's true.

So maybe you do get out. It's part of the game, though. It's part of the game. It's the mousetrap fails. I think that it is tragic what happened to this guy. Obviously, you know, but it's like, yeah, again, other countries don't care about free speech. It's atrocious, though.

I mean, it's not tragic because you guys did it. Liberals did it. You're pinning this on me. I did not do this. Here's what your Biden guy's State Department said. We can confirm the death of the U.S. citizen in Ukraine. Ha ha. No, they didn't say that.

They did say that. Shut up. They said an F word. They said an F slur Shut up. They said an F word. They said an F slur too. They said I saw him. And there's a little cartoon I'm not allowed to show on the screen where they drew him. Muhammad. Yeah, Muhammad having sex with Gonzalo.

We can dead name him now, right? Gonzalo Lira. Oh, it's not... Okay, Coach Red Pill. He's red pilling people in hell now. We got a lot of people dying in this little sphere of insanity. Old men? Middle-aged men?

Yeah, well. I mean, they're dying of very, I think of low tax who blew his brains out. Medicar's got cancer. Oh, yeah. Who else is dying or died? Somebody else died. And this whole little... Medicare's got Christmas bonus cancer.

I'm just joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. Somebody wanted to be... You know how I brought in fake retirements as a problem? Oh, no. Someone's like, hey, for Voted Up, you got to bring in Medicare

and his fake cancer retirements. I'm like, all right. Someone's like, hey, for Voted Up, you've got to bring in Medicare and his fake cancer retirements. I'm like, all right. He sounds sick. He sounds very sick. I'm just saying these guys are dropping like flies. Tate's going to prison. Yeah, the rapist? Yeah.

He confessed to human trafficking when I interviewed him on my show. People online are like, oh, do you know? What's your evidence? I'm like, he told me that before he was famous. Yes, I'm trafficking women. Yeah, he bragged about how much money he kept from them. And that he kept their passports and shit. Yeah.

All right, that's trafficking, bro. That's not good. It's funny. I mean, come on my show. Tell people about it. It's awesome. So was Coach Red Pill, was he like a dating advice? What do you mean?

What was his Red Pill thing? He just told you women. How much do you hate women? Not as much as you, I guess. It's not enough. Yeah, exactly. That's what Coach Red Pill brought to the internet. I'm talking about how women are bad.

Can I watch his videos still? And his delivery was somehow more scummy than his message. Right. He did seem like a scummy guy. He had a certain scumbag attitude. But that doesn't mean Biden and Zelensky, the butt pals, have to assassinate him. I didn't say that. You can't imprison him.

I didn't say that. They got that drug guy, that WNBA guy, out. Brittany Grunier? Yeah, him. They got him out of. Stop saying him. Stop it. They got them out of Russian prison.

They got her out of Russian prison. Yes. That was Russian prison, though. That wasn't Ukrainian prison. Yeah. You're right. Ukrainian prison should be easier. Should be easier, right?

Should be easier. We got that one out of the guys attacking you, and we're defending you. Can we get that guy out? No, we're going to rape him. I mean, the problem that you run into is, you know, when you have these political prisoners, you kind of, yeah, it's a better PR win to free the black WNBA player than the guy who says women are whores for money. You know?

Well, I mean, of course you're a whore for money. Sure. What are you? You shouldn't be whoring for free. I should have just said whore. That's what you're saying? And they are, and women are also. Sure.

Why, you think it would look bad for Biden if he busted out fucking CRP? My best friend? I think that, you know, there's no PR win for him, so there's no motivation there. I was pro that. The world is sick. I was pro that weed lady getting out. And I was pro the Lord of War getting out. I'm like, yeah, weed guy, out.

Guns guy, out. Let all of them out. Did the Lord of War guy get out in the last, that was recent, right? Yeah, they traded them. They sent the Lord of War back, and he gave these eloquent speeches about how, on Russian TV, about how American citizens are just like Russian citizens. They just want to live and let live and get by. Our governments are pitting against each other.

And then the basketball lady came back and she said, yo, fuck Trump. I don't even fucking like this country. Fuck you all. Fuck America. Read Ass on 3. She doesn't need to rap. That's not... We're worse than Imus at this point.

We're? We're worse. Alright, so Coach point. We're? We're worse. All right. So Coach Red Pill's dead. Who cares? Whatever. One of your internet buddies went to an active war zone. No, he was there.

The war zone crossed him. Sure. And he kept running up to soldiers and going, you're doing the wrong thing. You should just let Russia do whatever they want. And then they killed him. Ukraine had the most whores and the biggest tits on the planet. Sure.

And he followed his dream. He went there. And then war, you know, broke out. Ryan. Because, God forbid, we have Trump in the office. And he could have used his American resources

to abscond to another country. At least get him out. Wait a minute, I wrote down his stats for you. There's 53 people currently. He probably shouldn't have announced his plans to escape on Twitter before he... That was really... I don't know why he did that. Why did he do that?

Retard. Yeah, that was like super retarded. He said like, okay, I'm going to the border. Just tell somebody else to do it But you want the cloud on your fucking Twitter like send it to literally anybody and say hey don't post this for two days Because if it's in two days all have been caught right send it to fucking me send it to Nick ricada You sent Nick ricada your fucking stupid book Mulholland Drive or whatever it was Yeah, he could look how hard is it really loud?

You wanted clouds and clicks and you wanted to see them before you went, you idiot, and now you're dead. Are all of Ukraine's resources focused on, like, the Russian front? If you go the other way, isn't it, like, you can just go to a different country and get out of Ukraine? I think he did. Yeah, but how'd he get sawed or stopped? He was just biking around?

Because he looked like a homeless fucking drug addict. Well, that's what he should have. That's probably good, though. They're like, who are you? And you just go, I don't know. I don't know. No, the borders are shut down. Like, we don't want you fucking people.

He should have disguised himself like that Canadian shop teacher with those big tits. Right? Hello, I'm Coach. I mean, I'm Coach Pink Pill. Well, it is tragic what happened. But on purpose Just don't If you're in a war zone

Just Don't What? Don't say anything? What's the point of having What's Why we kill Osama Bin Laden Who

Yeah You know What's he gonna do He's gonna knock down the Twin Towers again Probably not What are you gonna do Go to like Sudan And be like

I just love gays and gay stuff and, like, no, you know not to do that. Pick me up. Pick me up. Fuck this country. Pick me up now.

I'm doing whatever I want. I was watching him put out videos and I went, well, this is insanity. I don't know what he's thinking. Okay, so he got his eyes

scratched in prison then get him out. Don't let him die. Right. It sucks. I'm sorry he's dead. I don't care. To your father.

Good ending there. Dick, you know one place I love? He didn't release all the footage from Knoxville, so fuck him. You know? Yeah. He was in Knoxville? Yeah, he was recording and interviewing everybody and trying to make us fuck up. Right.

I was like, I see what you're doing. Trying to make us fucked up. Fucking asshole. Well, Dick, one place where you can get over your loss might be the Costco. You a big fan of Costco?

You don't go to Costco, huh? Because of the fucking jam at the front. Oh, the parking lot. Yeah, huh? Because of the fucking jam at the front. Oh, the parking lot. Yeah. Yeah, the impossibility of getting into a Costco. Yeah. Well, Dick, that might be my problem.

But there's a very specific reason for that clusterfuck of cars at the Costco. Yeah. For the just insane amount of people flooding in. Dick, my problem is too many Asians at the Costco. What? What? You're just straight up racist. What are you talking about?

Too many Asians. That's what's causing it. No, it's not. Yes, it is. No, it's not. Yes, it is. No, it's not. I have stats. It's not the Asians. It's the fucking amount of people going into Costco.

Right, which was a normal amount of people until the Asians discovered Costco. No, it's not. It's like that in fucking, I grew up in Santa Clarita. It's like that at every Costco. It has gotten infinitely worse. Infinitely because of Asians? Well, do you know how many Asians there are? Are you talking about Indians?

No, I'm talking about like straight up Asians. Russia is in Asia. Dick. I did not invent this problem. This is a real problem and I have real stats. From Anthony Cumia's set? No. What do you mean it's a real problem?

From like USA Today and stuff. USA Today did not print too many Asians at Costco. Well, they didn't put it that way, but they said you would be surprised to know how many Costco shoppers are Asian. Okay. Dick, did you know that the average Costco shopper is an Asian American woman between the ages of 35 and 44 years old? What? The average Costco shopper is married, a married Asian woman between the ages of 35 and 44 with a four-year degree and earning more than $125,000 a year.

Where, in Arcadia? No, in Costco. How is that possible? I don't know, because they fucking love it. I'm giving you stats. You think I made this up, but I didn't.

What do you mean? Dick. What? When I... How many Asian women are there in the U.S.? Dick, every time I go to the Costco, it's nothing but Asian people everywhere. They love Costco.

Are you picking up on these broads? Are you like Vito San over there? I don't think I can talk to them. I don't know if a lot of them are like authentic Asians. Give them the Trump dance. Ooh, yeah. Look, Asian Americans are the fastest growing demographic in the U.S. and a disproportionate number of Costco's customers.

No, they're not the fastest growing. They are the fastest growing demographic in the U.S. Terrorists are the fastest growing. No, they're not. It's Asian Americans. Terrorists coming into the borders. Okay. Iists are the fastest growing. No, they're not. It's Asian Americans. It's Asian Americans. Okay.

I feel like I'm that guy on that Twitter account. There's no fucking way this is true. This is all true. You can look this all up. I have these stats. Though Asians comprise only 7% of the U.S. population, they make up 12% of all Costco shoppers. You got any more stats like that?

I do. The Asian percentage in the U.S. jumped 81% from 2000 to 2019. What? No fucking way. And Asian Americans have the highest median household income in the U.S., which has all resulted in the Costco being overrun with Asian shoppers. What the fuck?

Meet the typical Costco shopper. A 39-year-old Asian American woman earning more than $100,000. From Business Insider. From Business Insider. Trucks me, it says. See, you thought I just brought in like a racist problem. This is an actual thing. It's a racist problem that you put stats to.

Yes, it is. What do you mean it's not racist? It's very racist. Here's the thing. Because your point is that they can't fucking drive. So that's why they can't drive. I didn't say it had anything to do with the driving. That's not because they're Asian. It's because they're women. Well, they are women and they can't drive. But also, they just love Costco. Okay? Why?

Because Asian Americans, according to Nielsen IQ, exhibit shopping habits that differ from that of other customers. Households of Asian descent tend to be larger than the overall U.S. population, which makes sense for Costco that sells things in bulk. Asian Americans are more likely to buy in bulk, and they love to seek bargains. As a result, Asian consumers are more than— Black people don't like all that stuff? Not as much. Oh That's what this is because Italian people are like I like to have a 40-minute

Conversation with the person about where the beats and the gobble goals a bit and the fucking soprano This was an invented problem. This is a real problem with real facts as a result. It's about the driving part That's why it's's about the driving part. That's why it's invented. It's not about the driving part because the driving part is because so many of them are going. If less of them were going or if there was just less of them overall...

You should make a one-child per Costco policy. I would be able... Yeah, there should be a one-child per Costco policy. Okay? Because it is impossible to get in there.

Asian Americans are more than twice as likely to shop at warehouse clubs than the average U.S. consumer. Yeah. Okay. As they polled some Asian people as to why Costco is so popular,

because Costco has actually begun opening stores in China, where customers have been queuing for hours to get into Costco. And Asian people said, again, they love bargains. They like buying things in bulk that they can store up. They didn't say it like that, though, did they? No, they probably said it in some sort of language that I will not try to replicate. Why do you like Costco so much, ma'am? Excuse me, ma'am.

Here's an interesting point, though. Asian people like status. They like feeling important, you know? They do? So the idea of a membership club where they have a membership card they have to show at the door. Not anybody can shop at the Costco.

Asian people, very into that. Tens of thousands of people lined up outside the warehouse clubs. They gotta make a Mexican one that's just a big statue of the Virgin Mary. Like a 70 foot. It's like taller than just a big statue of the Virgin Mary. Yeah. Like a 70 foot. It's like taller than the Statue of Liberty. Virgin Mary.

Look, I think it makes sense. Okay, you think about- And she's at the front door. I absolve you of your sins. Come on in. Come on in. I absolve you. Yeah, what gets Mexican people in the door?

And there's a lost grandma. They got rid of the churros now, so you're not gonna be able to get Mexican people in for those. Here's the thing. Those churros now, so you're not going to be able to get Mexican people in for those. Here's the thing. Those churros sucked. Asian people, they come. If you've seen the behavior of the Asian consumer, they do love a bargain. What did you have in your mind right there when you said that?

I imagine like 50 Chinese guys like shouting like they're at the stock exchange. I see these guys, you know, they're at the stock exchange. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da! I see these guys, you know, they're the ones that go, oh my God, well, this is on sale. We'll buy 10 boxes. We'll store it in the garage. That's why Asians love coming. Most people do that, too. Yeah, but they love coming to America.

Because when they come into China, you got no place to put anything. You're buying, you know, you don't have access to luxuries. You come to America, you can buy, you know, I see them buying like 10 pounds of steak at once to put in the freezer. It's like, this is the land of opportunity. I'm saying like, uh. Who do they like? Yeah, when they come over, when they immigrate.

I don't know about that. I think so. They're probably like second, third generation. I think a lot of them are first generation. Or, you know, probably. What? Really? If not, they grew up.

Yeah, I think, you know what? I think it is a lot of first generation Asians. Huh. Because you see a lot at the Costco. It's like older Asian people, you know? I don't know. I never go to Costco. Well, you're not a.

Because I fucking hate it. Now I understand why. 35 to 45 year old Asian woman with an average salary of $125,000 a year. What if I put on a little, like, that dress? What is it? I'd put my hair up in buns. Yeah. A chong chong or a...

I don't know. You haven't been to the Costco lately. When's the last time you went to a Costco? Years, man. Probably 10 years. Come with me to the Costco. No. Why?

So you can see. It's all... I've noticed this. I said, why are there so many Asian people in the Costco? And I looked it up, and I was like, oh my god, there's multiple articles about how much Asian people love Costco. You know what? They also love the free samples, because you go to communist China, you don't get a free

sample of anything. Yeah. No one's handing you a little hot dog on a stick. I don't think they're from like communist China though. I think they're from probably from Vietnam or they're like second or third generation.

There's a variety. There's Vietnamese. There's Thai. There's going to be a lot of Thai people. Are there any strip clubs by that Costco? There should be.

Not because I like Asian women but because they're skinnier. You never see like an Asian woman that's like 60, 70, 140 pounds overweight. There's one of those authentic Asian seafood buffets right next to the Costco. I think they do a twofer for it.

They go to the Costco and then afterwards they load up on crab fried rice. This is a very interesting problem you brought in. The stats are there, man. The stats are there. Yeah. The Asian Americans, I did not know they were the most burgeoning demographic. The Asian population

in the US. Dick, 81% their population grew from 2000 to 2019. What did you say? Burgeoning demographic? I didn't say. Yeah, I said burgeoning demographic. What does burgeoning mean? Fastest growing demographic burgeoning. Like getting larger. That's what it means? I'm pretty sure that's what burgeoning mean? Fastest growing demographic burgeoning. You're like

getting larger. That's what it means? I'm pretty sure that's what burgeoning means. Define burgeoning. You've never used the term burgeoning? No. Burgeon. No, look, right down below there. The meaning of burgeoning. It means growing. Okay. Or blossomingoming you're talking about asian women blossoming are you really coming down on me go back grow or develop rapidly expand or proliferate no it's you're right all right i know i'm right with you look growing expanding or developing rapidly all right all right there are rapidly developing demographic the most? That's what it says. The most burgeoning demographic. You fucking said it. What's the problem?

Okay. The most, what's the most burgeoning population? I didn't say most burgeoning. Put what is the fastest growing demographic in the U.S.? What is fastest growing or burgeoning demographic in the U.S.? Asian Americans. What? Asians are taking over, man.

We had to build a higher wall. They're flying over. Well, that's the thing. And overstaying their visas. Everybody's worried about Hispanics and migrants or whatever else. Meanwhile, obviously Asians are taking over America. Are you crazy? Yeah, but they're fine, man.

Well, I mean, I don't want to get too deep into it, but they are very nice people, the Asians. I live in a very Asian neighborhood, and there's like, people are always like, I thought. But didn't your cat go missing? My cat went missing. That's one of the, yeah, okay. Pluses and minuses, we'll say. There are pluses and minuses.

Pros and cons. Keep an eye on your cats in the Asian neighborhood. But other than that, you know, anytime anybody visits, they're like, I heard California was all homeless people and trash everywhere. They knew you jacked it off, though, right? Yeah, they probably would have I heard California was all homeless people and trash everywhere. They probably wouldn't have if they knew you jacked it off, though, right? Yeah, they probably would have left it alone. You can't use that cat. That guy jacked it off.

Point is, Asians are taking over America, and there's a lot of pluses that come along with that. One of the minuses is these motherfuckers cannot stay away from the Costco. I can't get in there. And if I do, I'm stuck. I feel like I'm in Shanghai every time I go to the Costco now. Okay. It's just the wall to wall Asian people. I feel like I'm.

Is it like a sea of carts? Like bumper boats? Yes. It's like I'm in Kowloon Walled City trying to like get something off a high shelf. I know that reference. And there's just like an old lady cooking noodles on like one of the shelves up there. Is she unplugging? They're hanging up. Plug it in.

Get an extension cord. Oh, yeah. Three, four, fifty. They're hanging up laundry all across. And I'm like, oh, God. That's cool. I don't even want to go to the fucking Costco anymore. Why are you going to Costco, though?

Get a hot dog. You get that in the front, though. You get too many bagels at once. Oh, you get like 50 bagels. Oh, that's right. You were complaining about all the bagels. I was complaining about having to buy 12 bagels at a time., you get like 50 bagels. Oh, that's right. You were complaining about all the bagels. I was complaining about having to buy 12 bagels at a time.

I get Diet Coke in bulk. They got a good price on Diet Coke. What? How many Diet Cokes you get? It's like one of those flat racks. It's like 30, 36. You get a good deal on those. You want to go to Costco and get some Diet Cokes? I'll fill my truck

up with Diet Cokes. Dude, they're pretty cheap. Yeah, let's do it. Let's go to Costco sometime. Mostly I use it as a... What's the max Diet Cokes you can get? They don't have a limit. We'll see. They say that.

You can stack them in your garage. See? Now you're thinking like an Asian consumer. And that's the bottom line. Too many Asians at the Costco. When I said that, there's too many. Okay. I mean, the data supports it.

I know. You really thought. That's why I waited, because we always tell the problems ahead of time, so Dick kind of knew what I was going to do. I just said too many people at the Costco. Maybe we shouldn't do that. I started that because Maddox's problems were retarded always. Yeah, ours are usually pass by each other.

We usually don't do the same thing. Well, no, his was like, I want to do rape and date rape. Right. I'm like, all right, I better come up with some really funny problems for this week. Offset that. Anyway. Just the way you reacted is very funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah

You thought this was going to be bullshit Let's try one where we don't get the problems You didn't realize I had stats And the stats support my hypothesis I didn't care, to be honest I wish this You wish it was just a racist problem Okay, my problem is would

The phrase would The guys all say online Would W-O-U-L-D If any time They say it in real lifeD. If any time, they say it in real life too, if any time there's any kind of woman involved,

any kind of commentary about a woman, some fucking simp, some turbo simp, powered by, I don't know, whatever, Cuconium 345,

will come in at the very end of whatever, you know, a woman's getting fucking eviscerated and this fucking jackass will come in.

Wood. Wood. I would. I would fuck her. Like, yeah, man. I mean, we would all fuck her. We all would fuck her. You don't even have to say it. We all would do it. Don't invalidate what we're doing with criticizing and talking by bringing sex into it.

Did you see this recently with somebody commenting on an attractive lady? I see it on Twitter a lot. Yeah. Sometimes as a joke, you know, it'll be like a picture of like a blue Asian lady with like a tentacle mouth. Yeah. I think it goes, wood. Okay.

That's funny. What happened to just saying nice? That was good. That was nice. Nice. Yeah. Nice. That was annoying. Nice. Yeah. Nice. Still was annoying.

Yeah. I got it. I think would should be reserved for a situation of- I know that we all fuck her because she's not morbidly obese. Right. So- Well, you're supposed to use it when it's like a woman of questionable bangability, like a weird one.

Yeah. Like a lady with dog tits. And you're embarrassed to. Oh, yeah. I would. Right. Crystal from Star Fox. Yeah.

Not Melanie Mack. Right. Look at this dumb bitch saying the F slur like she just learned it. Would. Yeah, man, I know. We'd all fuck her. Yeah, I get it. Melanie Mack schtick.

Wow, that's really getting a lot of traction. I saw it on that. This woman posted herself with the giant prosthetic tits like that Canadian shop teacher. That, yeah, that. What was her name? The like Twitch streamer? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Twitch giant prosthetic. Do you even call them prosthetics? Is that what you call them? I don't know. They're like plastic. Yeah, you like wear to make it look like you have like tits. Yeah. Somebody linked them to me.

I don't know how. Everybody knows those are like. No, they don't. They don't know they're fake. That's what I'm confused about. That's what I was going insane. So you were like, oh man, those are going to kill her back. I'm like, those are going to kill her back.

I'm like, those are costume pieces. Those aren't real tits, you moron. It's basically the top of a sex doll chopped off so you can wear it like a vest. Yeah. It's like a gag or something. It's not remotely real. Yeah. It doesn't look real at all. Well, because I see people constantly posting it.

I'm like, well, she's obviously wearing fake, like comically fake t real. Yeah. Doesn't look real at all. Well, because I see people constantly posting it. I'm like, would. She's obviously wearing fake, like comically fake tits. Yeah. Yeah. How do you not know that? What's wrong with... Why do you have the same rights that I do? Some people are very stupid. Yeah.

And do not understand that they are being tricked. Would. Would. All right. Why don't you fuck an fucking electrical socket, man? Well, I mean, I would fuck the fake tit lady, but I guess it goes unsaid. Of course. It goes unsaid.

Wood. Yeah, no shit, man. She was already hot with big tits. Then she strapped some giant fake plastic tits on. Why would that stop you? How do you not understand this meme? Wood is like if it's bizarre that you would. Oh, that satisfies some strange fetish in me that you guys probably don't have.

Like a woman with a car for a fucking head. Wood? Really? That's interesting. Tell us more. Hottest woman in the world. Wood? No shit, man.

No shit. Now you're having a gay fantasy with us. Now you're just telling a bunch of other guys That you would fuck this obvious girl And now I gotta think about you fucking her And I don't wanna think about that And now I'm in competition with you Here's what you should say is

I would fuck her more than you Just say, wow, look at those tits Look at those fucking huge tits there I wish her tits were that big in real life That's what you should say Yeah I like sex That's what you should say. I like sex.

That's what you should say. You should say, I like sex. Oof, I like sex. That would be a better meme. Man, I love having sex. Awesome, me too. I agree with that. Don't act like it's cute, like you're clever. I think that's most of the internet is people thinking they're clever.

And that's, you know what, that's why the internet drives me nuts. Goddamn history of the world. It's become the world's biggest water cooler, you know, where your buddy It's just people making office jokes jokes. They've heard yeah, it's work now Yeah, it is work because they took all the n-words and stuff out of it Yeah, and they go hey remember this meme and then like they'll post the picture of the test and it'll be like I don't know and it used to be where you could just go. Oh, yeah n-word Like yeah, fuck off

I posted the clip of our newest bonus episode to Facebook And it immediately got deleted for promoting terrorism So Well I was Yeah, well we kind of were We kind of came around on Hamas, so I got bad news for you I'm not on the internet anymore

It's true And my landslide video got banned on Instagram The lady getting hit by the rocks You can't hang around me this much You're gonna get all your shit turned off No and now I'm gonna get the whole podcast banned Cause I said there's too many Asian people at the Costco No they're not protected

That's true You can be more racist against Asian people than you can against white people Well they're the fastest growing demographic They can take it You can kick them right out of people than you can against white people. They're the fastest growing demographic. They can take it. You can kick them right out of Harvard. They're a burgeoning people. And burgeoning people can take a little bit of trash talk. Imagine their tunnels.

Those would be expert tunnels. I would love to see an Asian tunnel. It would be very, very well made. It would go sideways. Either that or it would collapse and kill like a million of them. Either way. It doesn't matter. It wouldn't even put a dent in the population at all.

Depends which Asian you go with. Yeah. South Korean or North Korean? Some of them are doing better than others. Dick, is it my turn? Yeah, it's your turn. My problem is that- If you say would to me, I'll track you down.

Okay. Well, I would not do that to you, Dick. I would make sure to never say such a thing. Dick, you ever play those Batman games? Like Arkham Asylum? Oh, yeah. Yeah, it was awesome. My, uh, let me tell you this real quick.

My brother-in-law got it. Yeah. And, uh, it was a long time ago, before my sister and my brother-in-law had kids. He. And it was a long time ago before my sister and my brother-in-law had kids. He got the game. He was real excited about it. And he was telling me about it on, like, Thursday. I was coming up on Friday, and I got there before he got home from work or something. I got there in the morning.

Yeah. And it was downloading. So I played, like, the whole thing, like, halfway through. He's so pissed off. What the fuck? Well, he can start his own save game, right? I know, because he came home, and I'm playing. He's like pissed off. What the fuck? Well, he can start his own save game, right? No.

Because he came home and I'm playing and he's like, what the fuck is this? I'm like, I hear you can start over. He's like, I don't want to start over.

Well, those Batman Arkham games, probably some of the best video games of that generation. Yeah. Definitely the best superhero game I think you're ever going to play.

And the creators of that game, Rocksteady Studios, we were all excited because they said, well, finally,'re ever going to play. And the creators of that game, Rocksteady Studios, we were all excited because they said, well, finally we're going to give you a new installment in the Arkham universe. Okay. It's a Suicide Squad video game. We said, oh, the Suicide Squad. Oh, that's fun.

Harley Quinn, Captain Boomerang, King Shark. That was a good movie. And Deadshot. No, the movie's not good. No, the third one is. The new one. Yeah, the Suicide Squad, the James Gunn one. The one with the fucking Peacemaker guy.

The Spots guy. Yes, that one was good. The one with Will Smith is not as good. Sucks. That one sucks. Yeah. Anyway, so we're going to get a video game of that, and it was about them fighting the Justice League, so they have to fight the Flash. They have to fight Green Lantern, Superman.

That's tough. That's a tough game to make. It's a tough game to make. But I trusted the makers of the Batman Arkham games to make it. Unfortunately, they're owned by Warner Brothers, a company that, like many companies now, is trying to make as much money as possible in a short amount of time through various conniving schemes and practices. What's conniving about the video game that you're talking about? Well, you know how Batman is just, you play as Batman, it's like a fun single-player adventure.

You just go through and do Batman stuff. All right, yeah. Okay, well what if instead of that we made it a four-player multiplayer live experience like a MMO where you're constantly finding new gear you have to upgrade and microtransactions. It's not one player?

It's not a single player? The SoSideSquad game is an online multiplayer live service video game. And that is my problem, Dick, is live service video games. If you're not aware of this term, a live service game. Is it for only or is it like an MMO? It's for only at max.

So you get into little instances. Okay. That could be good, man. Okay. Here's why. Sure. It could be good. It could be fun.

Yeah. You get your buddies together and you all team up and you fight the flash, right? Somebody's got to be Harley, the gay one. Someone's got to be Harley. Harley could be fun. You're buddies together and you all team up and you fight the Flash, right? Somebody's gotta be Harley, the gay one. Someone's gotta be Harley. Harley could be fun. That's fun. Yeah. Okay, here's the problem is, when you think of Harley Quinn, what kind of weapon would Harley Quinn use?

It's a bat. Or a mallet. A bat or a mallet, okay. Or just nagging you to death. Sure. Okay. Dead shot. The most devastating weapon. Took down Superman. That's why Superman's not Darkseid. He's a nagging bitch mom and his nagging bitch wife. Right?

Okay. So Harley would be like a brawler with like bats. Batman's got a bunch of nagging broads. I got it. I get it. Women are ruining all these characters. And men. Not characters.

Real life. Real life, too. Right. Deadshot would have what? Guns, probably. Yeah. Okay. Like Red Dead 2.

Slow time. Yeah. That would be cool. Yeah. If King Shark, big huge shark guy, how's he going to fight? Just brawler, man. Brawler makes sense. Kick the shit out of people. And then, of course, Captain Boomerang. What is Captain How's he going to fight? Brawler, man. Brawler makes sense. And then of course Captain Boomerang.

What's Captain Boomerang going to do? Combos. Combos. Amplify your attack with Boomerang. What would he maybe fight with? What would be his projectile of choice? Like throwing semen like that guy in Silence of the Lambs. Captain Boomerang, I think, would use Boomerangs. That would make

sense, right? That's a little on the nose. A little on the nose. Okay. Yeah. Why? What does he use? Well, because this, of course, being a live service game where the focus is on unlocking different loot, which is exchangeable between characters.

You know, it's all about unlocking new weapons. Don't fucking... Oh. So, Deadshot, of course, uses guns. And Harley Quinn, of course course uses guns And Harley Quinn of course uses guns And then King Shark is running around with guns And Captain Boomerang The man who loves boomerangs above all things

Is running around Metropolis with guns It's just a shooting game. You run around with machine guns. And you fire them at Superman. Yes. Oh, man. I mean, there's like obviously some melee component, but the core gameplay is. Shooting guns?

It's one of these online looter shooter games like a Destiny, like a Borderlands kind of thing. Borderlands is okay. It's just a bunch of guys a Borderlands kind of thing. Borderlands was okay. It's just a bunch of guys with guns. Because they need you. Because, Dick, you can't just have Harley Quinn get a hammer or maybe a couple different hammers. You need to constantly be unlocking new loot and upgrades and

swapping them between your characters. Yeah, but Batman didn't upgrade shit. Right. That's why Batman was cool. All you upgrade for Batman is his fighting style. It's like he gets a new combo or, all you upgrade for Batman is his like fighting style. It's like he gets a new combo or whatever else. And at no point does he get a machine gun. Versus he got a gut. He like, tighten that gut, man.

Don't have to suck it in no more. I think I got some kind of a definition. I think I have obliques there. Here's what happened. Is that games like Destiny, Warframe, Final Fantasy XIV, League of Legends have made insane amounts of money, Fortnite, all that sort of shit, by being these constantly online experiences with upgradable loot and character boxes and loot crates and whatever else.

You ever get a loot crate in Batman? Were you ever driving around Arkham and you found a loot crate? No. No. No. I didn't even use that stupid detective mode. I'm like, whatever. I know it's Clayface.

I'm gonna go fuck Clayface up. But instead, they've seen that, again, games like Fortnite and League of Legends can make infinite money because they keep you around for years.

Fucking somebody's gotta me too these motherfuckers. We gotta send in the Soska sisters. Here's what happens is in these two of these guys. Games.

Trains their kids. Did you ever play Destiny? Probably not. I bought it. I played it for like a half hour. And I said, this sucks. It's just the same fucking thing. Over and over.

Over and over with a little bit of upgrades. I'm not playing this shit anymore. And I never did. That's what this game is going to be because you have to grind the loot. So it's not going to be like you fight the Flash once and you're like, okay, I beat that boss. Now to move on to the next part of the game, it's going to be you and your friends fighting the Flash 200 different times

to try and grind out some stupid ice gun for King Shark or whatever armor set you're trying to get. And instead of making a focused single player experience, or even multiplayer experience, you can make one of those Marvel Ultimate Alliance games. That was a fucking me and Randy played that game obsessively. Yeah! And it's a solid thing. You can beat the game. There's an end

to the game. But it takes forever still. Sure. You can buy new add-on packs. But you don't end up fighting the same boss 500 times or doing the same stupid rescue mission or whatever. Because you're like, well, I bought the season pass and if I don't rescue 2,500 hostages before the end of October, I can't unlock Harley Quinn's special clown costume. This is what all video games are becoming. Yeah.

Or at least this is the trend that we've been moving in. Although now, I'm hoping we move away from it because a lot of reviewers went to play this game. And again, there's just shit all over the screen. There's five different types of currency. You got red crystals and you got blue serum and you got green goo because there's a crafting system or whatever else. I'm like, I just want a game where I play as Harley Quinn and I hit guys with a hammer.

That's it. I want to play a game where I could swap between them. Sure, I press the R button and now I'm King Shark and I'm punching guys. And I switch to Captain Boomerang and I throw a boomerang. I want to throw boomerangs. I don't want everybody just, oh, I guess I'll switch to that guy because he has the fire gun. Oh, that guy's got the ice gun, so I'll switch to him now. It's just a shooter because, again, you have to dumb the mechanics down.

Live service video games? Live service video games. This is the trend that. It's confusing. It is confusing. This is what that game Anthem that came out was, the jetpack game that completely failed. The thing is that they go into these games also because Destiny,

I played Destiny when it came out and it sucked. Yeah. Okay? And it takes like three years, and it sucked. Yeah. Okay? And it takes like three years to make it anything worth playable. What happens in three years? I mean, people tell me now it's almost okay, but most games never get to that point because they just end up being these meaningless grind missions.

It's like an MMO. It's just constant quest grinding to get the next uh armor set doing the same boss raid for the 500th time and i'm going okay look some people like that and you can make that game but man i would have just really liked a good suicide squad game i like those arkham games and it's set in the same universe as the arkham games it's set after the last arkham game and everybody's saying oh the plot's really good and the story is really good i watched all the videos. Yeah, and then you fight Green Lantern for the hundredth time

because you have to unlock his magic green power armor for King Shark. Well, he can get a King Shark costume where he's wearing the Green Lantern emblem. It's a disappointment. Aren't these guys doing Grand Theft Auto games? Six. Six? That's Rockstar.

Oh, what's this? Rocksteady? Like the Turtles? Yeah, like the Turtles. Oh, Rocksteady. Rocksteady Games. Let's see. Rocksteady Diversity.

What pops up? Rocksteady LLC. We believe diversity is an attribute that makes an individual unique. Is that the right Rocksteady? I don't know if that's the game one, though. Bad sign. Okay, Rocksteady Studios, is that it? I would think it's, yeah, that looks like their logo.

Raise the game, they did? Hashtag raise the game, yeah, from Rocksteady Studios. Let me see, Rocksteady Video Games. Go to that Raising the Game thing. Rocksteady LTD? Yeah, that's them. Creators of the Arkham franchise. Diversity in games. I think you had the right one a second ago.

Rocksteady Studios. You had it at the top there. Doesn't look very diverse. Well, best LGBT character award right there from gaming with a G-A-Y. There you go. Look.

There you go. You're going to put it on the screen. There you go. They should have warned us. They should have warned us right there. Here we go. It's presented by Rocksteady. So they did their own.

Oh, it's even worse. They did their own gay and gaming awards. We are thrilled to have sponsored the Best LGBTQ plus character award for two consecutive years. So they sponsor the show. They pay money to promote the gay. Girls make games. We sponsor girls make games. Look, I don't know what.

There's a lot of problems. Like girls are never doing games. Women in games. Brown Hounds! Here's what these companies... You think that fat retard ass will do a women in games rant, or is it just trans people? Because they only ever pick on trans people. I don't know.

That they don't go after, you know. Oh, those guys are driving me nuts. I was going to say, this is also what killed the Avengers game, which could have been cool. But again, it was one of these live service games Where you have to constantly I don't want to play one video game That's the other thing They're designed to be the only video game you ever play

Like every day you have to Log in to your Suicide Squad account Because there's some new mission going on Or some limited time campaign I got a little sucked into it with Destiny And and then I realized, I just don't want to play Destiny for the rest of my life, and I quit. Same reason I never got into World of Warcraft is I'm like, why would I just want to play one video game?

Look what they have on their fucking page, dude. Blue-haired woman, gay guy, woman. Look! Fucking look! Woman. Yeah. Guys doing work. Blue-haired woman.

Gay guy. Multiple women. Black guy. They got to show everybody. I don't know. A Samoan. haired woman. Gay guy. Multiple women. Black guy. They got to show everybody. I don't know. Samoan. Yeah. Okay.

A guy. A lady. There's, there's, I don't know what has caused. I think it's more Warner Brothers though leaned on them. I think Warner Brothers said. Let's look up Warner Brothers. Well, you don't need to look up Warner Brothers. You know Warner Brothers.

They've got all these diversity initiatives. I remember at one point, Warner Brothers has been doing this for a while, though, and they've ruined a lot of good games with this shit. So vote up DEI. My problem. It's part of it. I didn't say DEI. It's not DEI that's the problem.

It's the games. It's wanting to make infinite money off of things. I remember at one point, you know how League of Legends is super popular? Yeah. They made a Lord of the Rings League of Legends ripoff that nobody even remembers I played it like a press junket it's like you know instead of having cool League of Legends characters what if you were Gandalf and I'm like can you guys just make a good game yeah do you need to stop do you really need to copy Fortnite or League of Legends or any other game and be like well we could also make a bajillion

dollars with these IP. I'm surprised that Harry Potter game wasn't some online fucking multiplayer thing. I was looking forward to this game because I like the Batman games. I'm still going to play it, but I think it's going to not be as good as it could have been if it was just a focused... Even in the Batman game,

it's hard to do a Batman game because you can't use guns. So you have to, you know... Yeah, you got to come up with clever things. Come up with something. You got to use batarangs and whatever else. But they still put a gun in it. He had like an electricity shooting gun. It's a taser.

It's a taser. It's a little different. But if you were traumatized from a guy shooting your parents, that would still trigger it. Like that's the whole fucking point. He hits bullets, not guns. Like, if you bring out a vacuum, a dog doesn't go like, well, let's see what comes out of the vacuum.

Let's see what kind of sound it makes. It's like, ah! All I know is the idea that they sat down, they're like, ah, we got Captain Boomerang in the game. Let's give him a machine gun. I went, that shouldn't have been a clue that you're doing something wrong. A machine gun can't bring down the Flash.

That's the other problem, is I'm like, how are you going to fight the Flash? Well, Flash has been taken over by Brainiac, so maybe that slowed him down a bit. Great plot, too. Brainiac sucks up all the guys. Yeah, finally we got Brainiac. That'll be cool. Oh, man. I remember when they announced it, I was very excited.

And the more information that comes out about it. And again, journalists played it and said, yeah, it's kind of a fucking mess. All right, the problems are abandoning American citizens abroad. Yes. And too many Asians. Oh, boy. At the Costco.

Too many Asians. No, not just in general. I'm just like, I don't want to say the whole thing. Specifically at Costco. And live service video games. Live service video games. Live service video games. No one will fucking know what that means.

Well. I don't know what it means. Live service. If they listen to the show, then no. All right. I assume the people voting on the problem is, I assume there's no guy who just once in a while logs in to Biggest Problem Got Show and goes, oh, that sounds interesting. I assume they're listening to the episode and they get a description of the problem.

I don't know. I go through and I'm like, what the fuck problem was this? Yeah, I know. All right. Hey, Dick. Hey, Vito. Oh, my God. Vito, you are on thin ice, my friend.

Great. First, I've only gotten, whatever, 10 minutes into the podcast and you call an Italian shower a Mexican shower? It's a Mexican shower. Oh, yeah. An Italian shower, my friend, to spray yourself with cologne and you call an Italian shower a Mexican shower? Oh, yeah. It's an Italian shower, my friend, to spray yourself with cologne and not take an actual shower. And here you are trying to race game dick by calling him a Mexican shower. That's not going to apply. And then, no less than a minute later, you say that you must be fair as a way to

get around saying to be fair. I do remember doing that. You're on thin ice. That's all I gotta say. You're on thin ice. I'm not on thin ice. Well, with that guy you are. I said you must be fair. That's not saying the thing. Must be fair. That's not against the rules.

Oh, I guess we'll have to see what people say about that. We'll have to see if you want to explain it if it just becomes Be fair is that the issue no no No Anyway, look I did not I did not come up with Mexican shower This was explained to me, but you're right Mexican shower would be not showering at all So that makes more sense the Italians are people of colognes and perfumes, and we're not afraid of that. No, you should. You should be. No. You should be wary

at least. I should be one of these Italian guys who puts too much cologne on. That'd be fun. Maybe you should, actually. Give it a shot. Give it a shot. Next time you go to see that girl in GameStop, did you ever see her again? Hey! No, I haven't seen her in there. I think she quit after she heard the podcast.

She asked for a district transfer. Why don't you go stake it out? Sit in front. I'll go stake out the GameStop. I'll wait for a midnight release. Okay, whatever. Whatever you need. I should be at the Magicard release tonight. I could be playing Ravnica right now.

But instead, I'm stuck with you. No, you can still go. It's the new Magic set. I wonder if it is going on after this. That's a good question. I think I might go tomorrow. They shut it down at 830? It's a tournament. They're going to start it at a specific time.

You cheat in those tournaments? No, I don't cheat in the Magic tournaments. I'm trying to remember if I've ever cheated in Magic. I don't think so. Okay. Ready? Yeah.

Vito, I know this isn't going to mean anything coming from a guy. Yeah. But I love you, man. Okay. I think you make the biggest problem. You make the show, dude. Here comes the joke. Yeah, I'm waiting for it.

All of us are just in your corner. We all just want to see you succeed because I think that means a little bit for all of us that we can succeed. Loser. And if you did choose to lose weight and go about that, you know. Fucking shit. I'll stop myself right now. We want to see you happy. I am happy. If you win, we all

win. Well, I'm as happy as I can be stuck on this rock with you idiots. Not really. You could be happier. Well, yeah, I could get that Neo Geo machine I found. There you go. You want to go to San Diego and buy a $3,000 Neo Geo cabinet?

No. It looks so clean. Let me see it. I posted it on Twitter. Sure. I mean, just bring it up on Twitter if you want to see it. You play a voicemail while you do it. Yeah, okay. Here, I'll play this one. It's a plug. Oh, good. Well, they deserve a plug. My wife's jewelry.

My lord and savior get all the plugs they want. Oh, EBS. I can't believe you didn't watch that. That was fucking historic, man. I just woke up. That was fucking historic. That's like Death Star 2 blowing up. Oh, there's a new historic Eric moment every five seconds. No, that was the end. That was the end of the Ripiverse.

You know how many times we've said that? EVS Thanos snapped the Ripiverse away every time we tell ourselves. And Eric said, do you really think Eric July is not going to make a 15-hour response to Eric? Yeah, but nobody's going to buy his shitty comics anymore. That's it. Well, he's gotten to where

he should have been at the beginning. Honestly, what he's... Yellow Flash is being a total cocksucker. Even Cecil's sitting there like, oh, man, I was fucking with Dick, but these guys are being...

These guys are real fucking assholes making my wife cry. Cecil famously had one of the... Because right now, Eric's big thing is being like, well, it's unacceptable for anyone to have their comic be delayed or whatever else. And Cecil's comic was famously delayed for like two years. I think because he was getting it... I don't know if it's famous.

Well, no, it was because he was getting a divorce from his wife, so he couldn't talk about it for a year because he didn't want her to get half the money is how it was explained to me that's awesome yeah so we had to wait for the divorce to finalize and now he's like why he was busting my balls i'm like i know these guys are fucking assholes what do you seem like a cool guy what do you talk what are you it's because they all look they're you think clout's gonna save you from getting made fun of? I don't think so. They're in a constant tug of war between the fact that these guys, a lot of them are smart, capable individuals, and a lot of them have fallen in with dumb asses who make money by being retarded, like Yellow Flash.

Yellow Flash makes- That guy's got fucking mental problems, man. Yes. He deleted that whole shit And then lied about it and faked screenshots Of EBS like what are you doing man If you watch any of his videos it's clear he has some sort of Intellectual disability just the way he talks

But again these guys He's obsessed with pedophiles Yes but they're all making a ton of money on YouTube Just constantly going Well that's what happens And like you know These guys go well if I'm just nice to this guy a ton of money on YouTube just constantly going, well, that's what happens when, and like, you know, these guys go, well, if I'm just nice to this guy, I can leech some of his money.

But then they eventually get to the point where they're like, I think again, Ethan was like, Hey, it's great to make money off Eric's brain dead fans, but Jesus Christ, this guy is ruining comics and he's shitting on other people for running crowdfunding campaigns and he's shitting on my friends and whatever else. And he was not happy about it. Well, you missed it. I sent Ethan. You missed gold.

I'll watch it. The best thing about the internet is I can just watch it later. The worst part is all these people are making so much more money than us. Yeah. And we started it. We're doing okay. But not as much as Anna. I was watching Anna Star Wars lady stream.

It's like 50 bucks, 50 bucks. I'm like, what the fuck is going on here? I told you we should get a girl on the show. We should get a third chair. It should just be some lady. So go for it. But not like... We gotta audition some people

She's gotta look like a real whore You know But not too much Not too much You need a Robin Quivers You know It works She had some big juicy cans

Robin Quivers She did have good cans I think Did she get breast reduction surgery or something Oh come on I don't think she did Maybe she just got cancer. We'll just get a lady to wear those fake twitch boobs.

Just take the cancer. How about we get the twitch boob lady to just sit there and have giant fake rubber tits? And we can bounce beer cans off them and shit. No, you're making it non-sexual and weird. I don't know, man. Look, finding a good female co-host is going to be impossible. Here's a nice lady. The only funny woman I ever met is dead. I don't want, man. Look, finding a good female co-host is going to be impossible. Here's a nice lady. The only funny woman I ever met is dead.

I don't want her to be funny. She's got to be able to riff a little bit. No. You're right. We just need a news lady we can bully into submission. She's like, oh, you boys. Yeah, yeah. Like our mom.

We need like a 70-year-old. An old lady to just sit here and go Don't say old lady about my mom 70? I know but just don't say old There's a lot of better ways you could say it Nicer ways A woman of advanced

I don't fucking know Advanced menopause Oh you boys A mature woman Alright here we go Hey Nana what did you think about that one? Oh, you boys. I'm a chair. I'm more mature. All right, here we go. Hey, Nana, what'd you think about that one? Hey, it's Moon Milk.

I just wanted to leave a message for Vito. Moon Milk. To his government cock gobbling. As someone who did get raped by a government employee and they covered it up, I will say that I can personally vouch that the government bad uh such as that massive case of that one local dad who tried to expose links between the government and the cartel and so they just framed him for a drug charge and then had him stay executed or something it was a real wacky or something executed i read the exacts of it. I'd have to skim over.

But Martin Luther King as well was murdered by the government. Oh, what? And they literally were made to admit to it in court. No. You know, after the fact. People ignore that. Well, you can't admit to murdering someone before. Careful who you worship.

They tend to be devils. You know, that's kind of the whole point of the allegory of the devil is, you know it's kind of whole point of the the allegory of the devil is you know the idea of i don't love the government fever and someone who acts righteous while it's also like super evil i'm just saying there's a reason why like fat women will say like oh no i'm actually like a size five or whatever. Do you ever think about that? I hate you guys. You're welcome. Bye. Okay, so does this all come back to me saying that if election fraud exists,

it would be very easy to find actual evidence of it? You see where the court said that van, that voting van they drove around was illegal? Did you see that? What did the voting van do? Harvested ballots, you idiot. Harvested them how? By saying, hey, that's a voting van. Bring your fucking ballot out and we'll turn it in for you.

Okay. Illegal. So people who wanted to vote were given an ability to vote in a way that you don't like. Yeah, but they didn't. That's fucking illegal. That's the whole point of it. Is that there's rules. Okay.

I get that there's rules. But like, again, what would shock me is you being like, hey, this one guy killed out. Yeah, but they did. That's why it's illegal is because it's right for fraud. You guys just gish gallop. This is always a gish gallop where I go, okay, so like, how many votes did this van? They didn't. If these people, if the van didn't exist, would these people have not voted?

That's the argument? Trump president. If the van didn't exist, Trump would be president. Okay. Trump be president. So we made it too easy. We'd be making millions of dollars. We made it too easy for people to get the president they wanted.

We should have made it harder. Bro, the reason why they make shit like this illegal is because it makes it easier to do fraudulent votes. Which you can't prove. Well, you can't prove that they're, they don't audit anything. It's just, here's a vote. Here you go. Okay. It's like a fucking Peen Wienerstein, fucking Jim Banana Man.

Here you go. Okay. There you go. So you're guessing. Who's guessing? You're guessing that fraud may have happened because of this. How the fuck are you going to say that any of those votes are valid with no ID? None. Okay, so we'll get

ID next time. No, no. When Trump won, they didn't have ID. Your fucking party platform is no voter ID. It's not my party. I don't belong to the Democratic Party. I just vote for them because they aren't some psychopath who keeps fucking trying to destroy our country. How could you vote for Democrats

in California? Look. The worst part of your Democrat policies. Can you guys just run a normal guy and I'll vote for him? Trump's insane. Trump is the most normal guy we had. Run that Vivek guy. Well, not him. He's a little nuts, too.

Vivek is a fucking psycho. I don't want Vivek as president. I don't want him. I agree with everything he says. I'm like, there's nothing behind your eyes, bro. Well, that's the thing. And you don't want Vivek as president. I don't want him. I agree with everything he says. I'm like, there's nothing behind your eyes, bro. Well, that's the thing. And you don't know jokes. If a joke came at you, like, you're like fucking Kanye and fish sticks.

Vivek is, he says things I like, but I don't trust him as far as I can throw him. Which is not far. Right. You just need to run some boring white guy who just goes. Romney. Why don't you want Trump? He's a fucking Democrat. I just. He's a 100% democrat on everything abortions yeah I mean I guess you know whatever yeah I know but the thing is that well that's the funny thing is he goes I don't know why I don't

get enough credit for the vaccine but then all the Trump guys go ah he doesn't mean that he just he hates the fucking vaccine or whatever else but But you love the vaccine. I do love the vaccine. So then why don't you like him for that? I do like him for that. You just have like a disorder where you have to be like defiant all the time. What's the deal? He does.

Why don't you like Trump? He's a liberal. Look, the election thing, the gaslighting everybody into thinking the election was stolen. Look at that. See? Illegal. Illegal van full of votes. That van.

Wisconsin judge rules that absentee voting van used in 2022 was illegal. Okay. How many votes came out of the van? How many votes? You know how many votes we can fit in this bad boy? How many votes? I want to find out. Scroll down.

No, it doesn't scroll. No, how many? How many? Well, how do you know? It'll tell me. They're not tracked to anything. It'll tell you how many they collected, probably. Probably collected like 20 votes.

Is that what you think? That's what I think. Because here's what happens is people come to me and they go, look, this lady harvested ballots. And I go, what do you mean? It's like she collected them from her friends and brought them in. But you're not legally allowed to do that. I'm like, okay.

No, I agree. It is illegal. So she must really overturn the election with the number of votes. They go, yeah, like five. Yeah. If one person has fucking five votes, like 50 of them, that's illegal. See, but you always extrapolate it out. Of course you extrapolate it out!

To overturn, to swing an election, there would need to be a massive conspiracy. How many votes? What was it? 12,000 he needed? 12,000 votes, yeah. To swing that one county? But that wouldn't have completely changed the election. 50,000 for the whole election. 50,000.

50,000 votes would have changed the whole election. Yeah. Okay. Well, I guess you guys should have worked a little harder. Why don't you get a fucking van? Anyway. Because you got to drive too far. I agree.

I agree the taxes are too high right now. So. Okay. The Democrats are fucking up there. You want to do super chats? No. But. Because you don't want to get on that scale. Are you going to get on the scale today?

No. Why? Because the bit's dead. If that bit comes back, it will be with a great fanfare. Okay? It can't become a regular bit because it's not interesting. So people are paying for it, but... But they are foolish to do so.

So people are paying for it, but... But they are foolish to do so. I've never... I've known drug addiction and, like, liquor addiction, but I've never known food addiction until now. Oh, I have absolute food addiction. Yeah. Like, if you ask, like, an alcoholic, say, like, are you drunk right now?

They'll go, no. You're like, do a breathalyzer. How fucking dare you? No way. Why would I ever do a breat...yzer. How fucking dare you? No way. Why would I ever do a breath? Like they act all indignant. Let's say. You know what I mean?

Okay. Let's say that once I feel comfortable with the bit, we can bring the bit back. That's what they would say though. Okay. That's what an alcoholic would say. The bit has become a point of shaming and. For an addiction. Shame me.

Okay. But you could just call me fat and you get the same amount out of it. You don't need metrics. Yeah, but they're calling you fat and giving you money and you say, no, I'm not taking your money. You still have the ability to do that. You can still call me fat and give me money. Okay.

I hate you guys. Let's see. Guys, don't forget, get your super chats in now. Thanks to everybody for listening. We got our new bonus episode, Biggest Problem in 2023, now available on patreon.com slash biggestproblem and backed up by slash biggestproblem. From Brutz Grana for five, 12 hours to air.

Vito, you should go to bed so you can do the show. I did, and I did excellently. Koofer2, thank you all for not killing yourselves. And Koofer2 says, hashtag faddics gained. Did not gain. My weight is, I actually weigh 260 now. Can you believe it? Zagothra for 10.

I refunded Super Killer because Vito is fat and shipping. Vito, wear your clothes on the scale. I want to see the trend over time. If you're really making positive changes, then show the evidence. But you're not. And I don't have to show you anything. I don't know. No, no.

I'm drinking liquor, I mean. I have zero calorie Gatorade. That's good. Got those prime energy drinks. Everything's coming up. Jizzwaldy. Schick for five. Sometimes when I need weight loss motivation.

Is this going to be every Super Chat? I'm female, five feet, and I'm 11 stone. So that's about 400 pounds. I tell myself Wait a minute, how much is it? Hold on. You can look it up. I tell myself that Dick would laugh at me if I was on Fat Watch.

Heart you both. 11 stone in pounds, Dick. 154, you're in dangerous tungsten territory. 5 foot even? 5 foot even, 11 stone, that's 154, you're in dangerous tungsten territory 5 foot Wait, she's 5 foot even? 5 foot even, 11 stone, that's 154 pounds That is 1 point Run the BMI on that

Hold on, let me see what it is in tungstens 154 Divide by If you're a woman and you're over 140 pounds We have to weigh you in cubes of tungsten You're 1.1 6 inch cubes of tungsten. You're 1.1 6-inch cubes of tungsten. You better get on that.

What is the average height of a woman? 5'4". Average weight, 174.5. So 5 feet. How much did she weigh? 154? Yeah. Computing your BMI. Well, how much do you weigh? Doesn't matter. Oh, how much do you weigh? It doesn't matter.

Oh, man, that sucks. Well, because her BMI is 30.1. Yeah. The cutoff for obesity is over 30. Yeah. Over by 0.1. You're going to insult her like that and you won't even get on the scale? Well, I'm just saying, like, I know I'm obese, but, like, you're, like, right on the line.

You got to get it down to 29.9 and then you'll just be overweight. Oh, okay. All right. Anyway. Good luck. Good luck. Moon Milk for five. Can the new bit be one of you wearing my cow lingerie if you fail at something?

One doesn't cover my breasts, so you'll look buff. No. Dumb username for two. Vito Gisbaldi. More like Pito Gisbaldi. Wow. Why don't you guys come up with a name for Dick? That'd be fun, huh? Because I'm not fucking refusing to do shit that the audience wants.

I'm not cucking content. We all want you to get sober, Dick. Nobody wants that. Yeah, I guess that's true. I don't know what I want for you. I guess that's the problem. It doesn't matter what you want. It's Nobody wants that. Yeah, I guess that's true. I don't know what I want for you. I guess that's the problem. It doesn't matter what you want. It's what they want.

Yeah. They want you to get on that scale and show us that you're 305 pounds. I want you to do the silly pants skating routine. I'll do it. Oh, really? Yeah, I'll do it. Okay. I'm going to answer some emails.

You hit the money a while ago. It seems like you should have already been putting that into action. No, I'll do it. I'll email them back. Somebody told me to nail you on that. Riley Edwards for two. No more Super Chats until we get a weigh-in. Okay, well, end of the show.

Thanks, guys. All right, Lloyd Lillooin is here. He's not wrong. For eight. Vito, if Maddox was still on the show, he would reject the weekly weigh-ins as well. Do you really want to be like Maddox? That's true. Let me think.

Do I want to be like Maddox? Yes. He says no all the time. Right, dude. Here for two. It says want to be like Maddox? Yes. He says no all the time. Right, dude. Here for two. It says Vito gets serious. Sarah Gardner for five. Vito, I'm going to be nice and not call you fat this week.

Okay, but see, you still, in a way, are still calling me fat, you know? Oh, princess. Why don't you just say something nice? I normally would say you're a piece of shit fatty, but I'm not going to say it. Hope you guys had a great Christmas and New Year. Still loving the show. P.S. Lose weight. Well, maybe I will. James Gardner for 20. When is Yellow Flash coming out?

Oh shit, sorry. I meant on. I don't know. He's got some pent-up rage. He's got to lose some weight before he goes gay. Mid-salad says, I wore my super killer hat. Yellow Flash would make a hell of a top, wouldn't he? He's so angry and hateful. He's so, like, repressed, repressedly homophobic. And he says he's obsessed with, like, pedophilia or what he calls,

which is just, like, saying everyone's a pedophile. Right. And then he says, like, that's because you're gay. And you're like, I hate gay people, right? Quintessential repressed homosexual i don't know what to do with these people like you talk about them but i go i can't even like think about that individual for more than a second i'm just like he's just i find it so bizarre and pathetic what they do it's just so weird and how dumb they are but uh i can But I can't wrap my head around it.

I'm like, what are people getting out of this? I guess you just like having something to complain about every day, but is there somebody better at complaining that you could listen to? What was most amazing? Are you just settling for some anime dork going, they're ruining my cartoons. What was most amazing about EVS's stream is how

talented he is compared to these people that... At art? Like, understanding angles? Yes, art, but also, like, in general. Like, you know, artists are very um... They understand, like, the human condition.

They understand a lot. He's a very intelligent individual. Very intelligent. Yeah. And a certain type of emotional intelligence and not in the way that women say they're emotionally intelligent when they're saying it to manipulate you. But just a thoughtful individual. See, this is why I have trouble even talking about these guys. I just can't wrap my head around how stupid they are.

I'm not saying that you're like him. I'm saying that CBS is like I just can't wrap my head around how stupid they are I'm not saying that you're like him I'm saying that CBS is like that that's why you're always like well why aren't you watching these shows or like why didn't you watch this stream or whatever you're afraid it's not that I'm afraid it's just talking about Eric July it like breaks my brain

I can't you don't know because you didn't watch. I mean, I'm watching. I know I some is bad, though. No, I'm watching a stream where it's Anna, Star Wars girl, and Cecil, and like other people, and Ethan Van Siver's on there. And Anna is reading because Yellow Flash has like betrayed everyone. Right.

And has become like a massive spurg and is trying to like do me to Ethan. I was like, okay. Stealing your bit. It's your first day here. I'm watching Star Wars Girl read these leaks of a chat room where people are talking about her and then she starts, you can see it in her face. Was Joe Flash talking about her? He had a whole,

I don't know, a bunch of people had this whole group where they just hate everything in comics. You can see in her face, it hit her and she's like, just starts crying. And I'm like, oh, like touching it.

Like, oh God. Oh my God. That's so bad. And you guys were, you're like above this, right? And it's like the pain.

She shut her camera off and then they're like talking about it. Wow. See, I see what we're doing and like our audience and just this whole little sector and there's other guys you know, drunken peasants or whatever else. It's just like this is the fun club. This is where like, yeah.

And then like all those guys with the ice sum and the Friday night tights or whatever else. I'm like, how is anyone listening to ISOM and the Friday Night Tights or whatever else, I'm like, how is anyone listening to this? It's fucking insufferable. It's retarded. None of them will get on the scale either, though. That's true. That's the problem.

It's like, you know. See, this is a good bit. They don't do bits, either. Anyway, MidSalad says she wore her super killer hat on PKA to show my support for you, Vito. Please dominate yellow trash. That's MidSalad. Thank you for wearing your super killer hat on PKA to show my support for you, Vito. Please dominate yellow trash. That's mid-sell. Thank you for wearing your Super Killer hat on PKA. Everybody, don't forget, check out mid-sell it on the latest episode of PKA.

And make sure to mention in the comments that they need to subscribe to Biggest Problem. Yes, and get ready to pay your shipping on Super Killer as soon as it's ready. Okay, you saw I posted that thing where that video game. Everyone does this. This is very common in crowdfunding. Okay, you saw I posted that thing where that video game... Everyone does this. This is very common in crowdfunding. Okay? Penny Blood slash Arm Fantasia, a video game that raised probably like $10 million on Kickstarter. Okay?

They sent me an email the other day, and they go, hey, listen, remember, we haven't charged you for shipping yet, because that gives us time to arrange the best possible shipping rates, and also to make sure you get the most current global rates. Yeah, but that guy paid like 300 bucks. You can't give him free shipping if you pay like more than fucking $200 for your campaign. Maybe you will. You don't even have to think about it. I'm going to run the numbers, okay?

I think if you weigh over 300 pounds, free shipping for everybody. The $300 thing, what do you call it? I'm not running crazy margins here, okay? I'm not making the comic. I make like a whatever, but then I got to pay the guys. No, I'm not getting rich here, okay? I'm not getting rich off this fucking thing. It's costing you money.

The comic is costing you money. That $100 collector's box, everything in there is priced so aggressively because I'm like, I just want people to read the comic. I'm not here to make money off it. Well, but you had all that like tchotchke shit. Yeah, and the tchotchke shit's going to lose me money. I know I told you not to do that. But I don't mind losing money because it's more about-

Unless it's shipping. Then it's fuck you. I'm not losing money on this. People charge for shipping. It's this. People charge for shipping. It's a very common charge for shipping. Pogs. Yeah, I'll lose money on pogs. But shipping.

The shipping rate. It's going to be like five bucks to ship the comic. It's not a big deal. Maybe it'll be less. I don't even know. Here's my fucking wallet. Don't shoot my wife. Don't shoot my wife.

You guys got it. That's how Batman was born. You're going to be able to flip that comic in two years. After I get the animated series, which maybe I should start talking like Eric July about NDAs or whatever. Got a big meeting. Oh, yeah? It's not an animated thing. It's a different thing.

What are you even meeting with? I got an email from a company that's It's complicated, I don't know Like a knife selling company? No, it's a company that like You know how there's always like this new thing Where it's like, we're like a creator initiative And blah blah, and we have But they have that guy from Always Sunny

What's his name, Rob McInerney or whatever You better get it right if you're going his Well, I'm not pitching it to him. Rob McElhaney? Yeah, he's like one of the like, I don't know, executive founders or something. He owns a soccer team now. He owns a soccer team. Rexham. With Deadpool. Oh, cool.

Yeah, him and Ryan Reynolds. Ryan Reynolds is making good money. Because he bought that Mint Mobile and it made him like a fortune. Because I think it got bought by whatever. Whatever. Anyway, I'm talking to some company. I'm going to be a premier creator. You're talking to Rob McElhaney? Yeah, I'm going to talk to Rob McElhaney.

About what? He's going to make my show happen. Super Killer? That's too much. The animated series? Super Killer, the animated series for the comic book that doesn't even have a single issue. That guy that killed George Floyd, though. Who will get an animated series first? Nobody.

Don't bring that up. Yeah, nobody. If Eric Goliath beats me to the animated series, now that will truly be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He will. He'll get the blaze to fund that fucking thing. The chinchilla can make it. Yeah, well.

Whatever his name is, churro the chinchilla. Apparently, that guy is not even voicing it anymore, so Rob Schneider didn't even stick around to keep being the chinchilla. Good. I'm like, what? You're too good for it? What the fuck? Yes, Rob Schneider's way too good for that shit. No, he's not anymore. Now he's desperate. He wants that Daily Wire money.

Although, did you see the other animated thing they're doing? The thing with, uh... Who's running it? Adam Carolla. It's probably gonna suck, but animated thing they're doing? The thing with Adam Carolla It's probably going to suck But at least they're trying something Adam Carolla went to bat for Somebody fucked up today Yeah

I forget who it was Maybe it was the tunnels He loves the Jewish tunnels I got no problem going to bat with that I'm pro Jewish tunnels Can't believe you wouldn't to bed with that. I'm the John for fives. I'm pro-Jewish tunnels. Can't believe you wouldn't drive your mom to the airport. She's fun. I can't believe that, man.

That's so bad. You can't do that ever again. Make your mom Uber to the airport. Why? Because she's in like a new city. It's strange. She's leaving a new... What if a woman had picked her up?

Shut the fuck up. I picked her up from the airport. I just didn't drive her... You gotta do both, bro. You don't gotta do both. She's leaving. All she has to do is get to the airport and get on a plane. Leaving is worse.

Making her Uber to leave is worse. Why? Because it's sad? That's what I do to whores. Yeah. No respect at all. That's plenty of respect. I don't see the issue.

Go pick them up. I'm all excited. Get out of here. Well, I got plenty of sleep, so that's what matters in life. Nanamai for two says, mm, Vito Parmesan, so good. Jacob Cercia for $3.20 Japanese says, Melanie Mack is off her rocker. Yeah, she's really leaning hard into the I hate gays, give me money arc. She's old.

She's like 39 or something. Yeah, people have just been tweeting packages of empty egg cartons at her, and I think that's pretty funny. She's old She's like 39 or something She looks like shit She dyed her hair Packages of empty egg cartons at her And I think that's pretty funny Let her know she's barren and alone Shirtlips45 My 5 year old son says

Hi Richard and Vito you guys are his favorite podcast Stop letting your children listen to this show On the John for 2 Richard Do you eat butthole? Fuck you Hey on the John how's your appearance On the John for two, Richard, do you eat butthole? Fuck you. Johnny Rocket. Hey, on the John, how'd your appearance on the last dick show go? Badly.

You just sat there like a fucking stump. Was that when I was here? Fumbling. No, on the last episode. Oh, he came in? He blew his bit and then just panicked and sat there the whole time. How did you fucking learn how to improvise? No one even knows what his bit is. So, hey, what do you want? Is to improvise? No one even knows what his bit is.

So, hey, what do you want? Is that guy local? No, he's way out of here. So he came all the way in. Did he call in? He called in. Okay. And then he tried to do a bit. And then I get shit for it.

Hey, Dick, can you stop letting these fucking nobodies on the show? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's funny. Trust me. The only good episodes of The Dick Show are the ones where I appear. Johnny Rocket for five. Turns out EVS didn't like Isom. I guess he was being too fair when it first came out.

That was close. He does love Isom edited edition, though. A real piece of black art. Get your hand off the fucking trick. I don't know why he would do that. Yeah, he could have put a B in there. Yeah. Kaiju Turtle for

seven Canadian. Ousted without ever getting credit. New intro is cool though. Go fuck yourself. Yeah, I know. Sorry. It's not the... I mean, I'll mix them up, but send me another one with your name on it. If you tell me which episode your intro is on, I can go back. All of them. His is the one that I've been playing forever. Give me a list.

One, two, three, four, five, six. How's that? Okay. But we haven't had the intro in every episode. Just put him on fucking all of them. It's been on like a hundred episodes. No, it hasn't. Yes, it has.

That intro? That intro has been around for a long time. I'm not actually going to go in and give him credit anyway, so. Maybe I will. You have to tell me how you want to be credited. Like, what do you want me to link to You know Shipping refunds Jack Rockstar for five

My heating in my Nebraska apartment Isn't working but the new intro Got my blood pumping and warmed me up Does it have a different song I didn't get to hear it Riley Edwards for two says ha fat Dominic for two says mom and dad Are already fighting

Ultrawater for five says Vito looks low energy Look at how great his beard got thanks for the show I know he's still low energy he reads these Fucking slow too Wet bandit for five I love that dick destroys every community he interacts with It's an unmatched skill that deserves more respect Thank you Great day Gabe for seven Vito's morning routine

One wake up two take a huge shit Three get out of bed. That's pretty good. Sue Can the Iger for five. I think you're doing something there. Amazing show, fellas. Keep up the great work. Absolutely.

Thanks. Crumples for five says, Eric Geli is artistic with a hard U. I agree. Let's run with your idea for five. Says, hey, guys, PKA 682 is releasing tomorrow with mint salad. Would you consider having her on Biggest Problem? Appreciate you guys. Go fuck yourself.

Yeah. Has she not been on? No, she was on your show. Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, last time she came, we did the live show. She could have got up on stage and said hi, but she was there. Oh, yeah. People got to see her. I was going to say, we're going to do a live show. She could have got up on stage and said hi, but she was there. Oh, yeah. People got to see her.

I was going to say, we're going to do a live show. We should do one every three months. No. Yeah. I'm not doing one every three months. Why not? We just rent that place, and we just sit down and do it. Because it's not as special.

It doesn't need to be special. Yeah, it does. To bring everybody out. We don't need to bring everybody out. We can pack that thing regardless. With whom? With what people? All these nerd duels. All these mor need to bring everybody out. We can pack that thing regardless. With whom? With what people? All these nerd duels. All these morons.

Every four months. Try yearly. Buy? Yeah, buy yearly. I guess. When was the last one? It's been a while. November? October? Okay, maybe in... March.

April. It's too soon. It's not before summer. March. No. April. It's too soon. It's not too soon. Too much work. What are you talking about? I have other shit to do. Live shows take a lot of work. They do. Live shows, what do you mean like what? Like what? Like arguing about literally everything that goes into the show.

Planning everything that goes into the show. Fucking going there on whatever night, and doing every show around that as well. You're telling me I've been doing live shows for years. I know how much go is into a live show. But we don't have to do a bunch of bombastic

bullshit. We can just literally show up and do what we're doing right now. Just live. But then it's not fun. It is fun. What's the point of it then then it's got a live audience so you think the audience will be there for a show that like has no build-up there will be months of build-up well then it's going to be a big bombastic thing look we can if we want to do we can have uh we can do stand-up again We can bring on stand-up comedians or something They'll lead in the show

We do an episode You're right, do it like Carl Have a night under the stars You can organize a banquet dinner I don't want to do any of that That's my problem We don't have to do that It can just be like, hey, we're recording a live episode

Don't even treat it like a show Just say it's a live episode taping It's too hard It's fun, the fans get to come out They get to meet us Why do you want to do it every three months? treat it like a show. Just say it's a live episode taping. But it's too hard. It's fun. The fans get to come out. They get to meet us. Why do you want to do it every three months instead of once a year or twice a year? I think twice a year is fine. I just think that it's the kind of thing that like we have

access to that venue. Def Noodles likes us. There's always access to the venue. But I'm saying it's a nice little intimate spot. It's a small spot. We don't have... We're gonna sell it out. It's only like 40, 50 seats. How do you know? Because it's easier to sell... You're asking the same people

to come out. Even if we don't sell it out, we only need to sell 20 seats, whatever. I'm not doing a 20 seat show. It's just a fun little... That's fucking... That's like lame open mic night. The last one sold out. I think people... Because it was the 100th episode i agree look well that's the thing is maybe we could uh there's some podcasts record live every episode

and it's just like you think we're way bigger than we are it's not that it's that i think that you know we're in la we'd start bringing in uh of an LA audience. Networking. It's not necessarily networking, but like, you know, comedians can bring their fucking fan bases out. You know, we have no comedian friends. Who? Because we don't do anything. Now this is our way to do a thing. We do something every week. What comedians are

coming in? They come in and then they're like, oh yeah, I gotta get out of here. I'm not promoting this on my channels, by the way. Because they're fucking horrified by it. I get that. Because you're asking fucking Winston if he's ever seen Bamboozled at the end of the show. All right, well, come to our live show. What's wrong with that?

Because I've never seen Bamboozled and I want to see it. I heard it's good. You don't ask. It's like asking black people to touch their hair. Asking a black guy if he's seen Bamboozled. Hey, have you ever seen the black KK Klansman? Oh, yeah, me too. We were talking about movies.

Have you ever seen Get High in South Central while you're drinking the juice in the hood? We were talking about, what's his name? Spike Lee. Why do you want to have a live show? Why do you want to have it? Is it for the audience or is it for you? I don't know. You gotta pick.

I just think it's fun. It's fun. It's fun to do. It's fun. Like a big thing. I think it's fun to see the audience. It's fun to know that we have an audience. So I guess it's for me in that respect where I'm like, oh, it's cool to know that these people.

You have like a 20 people in the audience show? I don't know. I think it could. I think also, you know, we could, you live stream it or what? It could become like one of these cool, like LA things where it's like, Oh, Hey,

every, you know, other month, biggest problems hosting their thing. And they bring on some comedians to do some standup. And then they do a funny show. We're never having like a, a cool thing.

We fight with everybody. We have a lot of racist shit. Wow. People love that as well. We're very not friendly. Here's the thing. I think we're the new friendly. No!

It's going in cycles, right? It's cycles. We went to Josh Denny's show, and Gavin hates me. Yeah. We don't get along with... Gavin likes me. You don't even get along with my friends. Yeah, I know.

You fight with all of them. What did you call him? Nick Riccata came on, and you're like, oh, yeah, he's miserable. Like, some shit about his family. No, I didn't. I didn't say that. Rikada likes me. I'm friendly with Rikada. I doubt it. I am very friendly with Rikada. Friendly, yeah. We have no problem.

Look, I don't love, you know, like he doesn't love me or whatever, but we're friendly. Okay. Okay. We have very different political slants. Yeah. I don't know. Okay, I'm sorry. political slants. Yeah. I don't know. Okay, I'm sorry. Every three months.

I'm sorry I suggested that we do a live show. It's just a lot of live shows. You know what? I'll do my own live show. Don't worry about it. Do a live show. Do it. Well, it's not going to be this.

I was talking to... Josh Denny keeps talking... Oh, I don't give a shit if it's this. Shut the fuck up. Do a live show. Look. I'll promote it. It would be cool to get like a comedy show going.

Something in LA. Some sort of, you know. Can you tell me so I can kill myself before there's a live comedy show that I have to go to? You don't have to come. I'm not going to make you come. Well, I do because I'll know everybody there. Yeah, it'll be cool. And then everybody comes out.

We'll do a night of comedy. It doesn't have to be biggest problem. That's fine. Yeah. I know Josh Denny's been talking about he wants to run like a room. We get do a night of comedy. It doesn't have to be the biggest problem. That's fine. Yeah. I know Josh Denny's been talking about he wants to run like a room. We get some comics

that don't suck. People do their material. You could host. You could MC. That would be fun. You'd like that. No. You don't want to host

a stand-up show? No. I don't want to host. I don't want to be related to stand-up at all. It's fucking horrible. It's not always horrible. I would rather kill myself

than host a fucking comedy show. A stand- fucking comedy show. A stand-up comedy show. Why don't we bring all your UCB buddies out and you guys can pretend to be robots or fucking, you know, fucking He-Man or whatever stupid shit you used to do. Okay, stop acting like you're above this. I am above this. You did all this gay LA sketch comedy fucking improv shit yourself and now you go oh well I've been online and I make a fucking podcast and I'm too good for it now

no you're the same fucking asshole dude all this shit and I know you secretly miss all of it I do not I miss it because there's girls there there's no fucking girls in right wing comedy stand up you got this little theater kid and you's like I miss wearing fancy costumes

and saying funny things. I have the Louis C.K. Predator thing in me. Give me a suggestion. I want to jack off in front of you. Give me a suggestion. Ooh, ice cream shop, ice cream shop. I'm a dick and I'm running an ice cream shop. That was your life.

It was taken away from you. I'm sorry. I don't want to go to a fucking... And I know now you're all bitter about it and you've justified it to yourself by saying, I don't want to do it and fucking And I know now you're all bitter about it And you've justified it to yourself by saying I don't want to do it and I never really liked it to begin with Okay

But I know that's a cope And then if we had a little comedy thing going There'd be a part of you that's going Maybe I can get on stage and I can play one of my songs One of my funny songs I don't want to play a funny song Yeah no you've never gone on Twitch And played funny songs on your piano

Not forever You're an entertainer I think you just want to grab a couple little extra bucks for ticket sales. I think you're trying to big man me when in reality you want the exact same thing I want. You want to entertain. I don't. I don't want to have live shows. You want to do comedy.

You want to have fun. You want the audience to come out and have fun. One or two years. Fine. Four a year? No. You're thinking of them as big productions. I'm saying they could be like little throwaway fun events.

I don't want to be related to a little throwaway anything. I know. You're too good for it. I get it. Yes, I am. Sure. I am too good to put out a little throwaway anything. All right.

Nobody go to a little throwaway anything. You're right. Guys, don't worry. Dick won't be there. Steven Salvatore will be throwing up out back. Me? Yeah, exactly. We're going to get all the Steven Salvatore.

Now I can't remember his name because that's not it. It is. It's not Salvatore. It might be. Steven Torres. Santorini. Torres. Salvatore, you fucking idiot.

We're going to get Steven Torres. We're going to get Eric Escobar. We're going to get Stephen Torres. We're going to get Eric Escobar. We're going to get Winston Marshall, Josh Denny. Oh, wow, who else? It's going to be a night of comedy and fun, and Dick is not allowed to come. Night of reruns. Because he's too good for it. He's too good for it.

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. So he'll be at home watching speed runs and playing with his dog. Where's it going to be? Long Beach? Yeah, maybe we'll be in Long Beach. Yeah, yeah. We're going to have a fun night.

Everyone's going to drive drunk. And then at the last minute, you're going to go, maybe we'll be in Long Beach. Yeah, yeah. We're going to have a fun night. Everyone's going to drive drunk. And then at the last minute, you're going to go, well, maybe I could swing by. I go, oh, yeah? You think you might swing by? Yeah, you know, maybe. Can I emcee this? Maybe just to say hi.

Maybe I could swing by. And then you're going to come, and you're going to want to be a part of it. I know you. Dominic for five says, blanks me. Trucks me. Cool. Oh, I think he tried to put an image of a truck.

You fucked it up, Dominic. Well, you have to use their super sticker. You can't post emojis, sadly. Koo for two says, send in your super chats. Thank you for not killing yourself. TheRealHydro PX for five. Vito, you lost as much weight as Mandy K. I do not get that reference. M for two says,

shout out to Yem. I know what you're trying to do. WetBandit for five. EVS reviews. ISOM. Vito. I sleep. New pet-o Jewish conspiracy veto. Real shit.

No shit. I had time to respond to the Jewish thing, okay? I didn't have time to watch. I can't believe you pretended that you were sleeping through EVS's thing. I didn't pretend to sleep. I was asleep. Yeah, because you get all freaked out and you don't watch that stuff. I was asleep.

You know I was asleep. I just came here. David Chandler for 50 big dollars says Supa Sticka. Thank you. Which is the best kind of sticka. Thank you, David. You make the show happen. And that money is going straight into the Biggest Problem live show

where Stick will not be at because he's too important. Can we do a live show every day? Can you get your fans out every day for a live show? I know. It's cool. You're right. You can read the weather. You're too good for the read the weather. You could do the weather. It'd be fun. You're too good for the fans. You're too good for the show.

We all get it. Okay. Shit Lips for two. Oh, he tried to get me, but he wants me to be fair to the Jays. Oh, that was good. There's anti-Semites up there. That was good. That was good.

You might have almost got me if Dick didn't fuck me up. Jose M for two. Slammed through the same wall. Zenny Sampai for five. Ethan VanSkyver just reviewed Ice. Jose M for two. Slammed through the same wall. Zenny Sampai for five. Ethan VanSkyver just reviewed Ice. I'm number one. It did not hold back on its poor quality. Yeah, we got to watch that.

I got to watch that. Dick already watched it. You didn't finish it, though. He's still going, right? No, he was done when you came in. Spider Eternal for five. Don't trample me, Wines Vito, after he bulldozed Dick's joke factory. Vito should ask Maddox for weight loss tips.

Hashtag Maddox Lost. Jose M for two. When's he doing another Q&A, Maddox? I hope Saturday. Is he going to do another one? I don't know. I'm not doing the next one. Yeah.

Jose M for two. A 3D truck shirt for sale. Does it come with octagons? I'll put it up in the store as soon as I get the graphic. Yeah, it's pretty good. Are we just doing that color? We gotta do yellow We need yellow shirts

We're gonna do white on yellow It'd be black on yellow Okay whatever I'll send you the Yeah that would probably be good Make sure you do white on black I will also do white on black Maybe like widen this so it's like the same

You want it to be the same length as the truck? Yeah I just kinda eyeballed it Fair enough Oh you made that? Well, no, a guy did, but then he sent me the PSD and I had to bump it down a little bit. I understand. Let's see. Dayman for two. I love the new countdown. The transition was blank too.

I assume that was a fire emoji. Oh. Wet Bandit for two. Vito vs. Flash. The loser gets chemically castrated. Yes. If Flash wins, I will give him the domain yellowflashguy.com, which I currently own. So that's on the table. If Yellow Flash wants that.

Where does it point? You can look at where it goes. Yellowflashguy.com. So if he wins, he can have the domain yellowflashguy.com. Hammer yellow flash with yellowflashguy.com. Fucking hammer him. Currently goes to the Wikipedia article on child grooming. I don't know why.

Johnny Rockets for five. You can lure yellow flash to a boxing ring by messaging him while posing as a child. There you go. Influence History for two says, Mint Salad was great on PKA. Good, good, good. That's good. Everybody, please support Mint Salad.

She's been looking for support. Everybody, please subscribe to her. I believe the channel is what? Still ASE Presents, right? Yes, ASE Presents. Well, it's her fans-ly. She also has her fans-ly. Probably Mint Tits Salad or whatever.

Well, they should discover her as a woman and then they can discover her as her tits. Yeah, go straight for the tits. Clap Trap for five says De Niro. Yes. Cots for a big $20. I had food poisoning during my sleep study. I slept for two hours. I was throwing up

for six. They told me I died 80 times that night and ignored that. I said I think I might need a retest. Biggest problem is big sleep apnea devices money Yeah, horseshit I'm thinking about getting that hostage tape Have you seen that? What's that? It's a thing where you literally just tape your mouth at night

So you only put your nose Get that I'll try it I don't know if that's my problem or not But JM for two You know what your problem might be? What?

That I'm a big, fat piece of shit? Yeah, maybe. Okay, thanks. JM for two. Dick, Coach Red Pill apparently got killed by UA. Ukraine Army, is that what that means? LP30T for two. RIP CRP.

Let's make that shirt. I guess we can't really monetize Coach Red Pill. That can do whatever we want. That guy for a big $20 on the board. Eric did not read his own comic when Dick confronted him. Yes. He merely knew the outlines he gave for both the art and the writing. That's why he was so unspecific with Dick in their confrontation. That's supporting you.

Saying he didn't write it. Because he didn't actually write it. And when I was fucking with him, he didn't actually know. That's... When I said, what's the fucking motivation? He's like, uh, uh, well, uh, what it is, is the, uh, whatever you think it is. Like he's talking to a cop. I don't know how, I don't know how convinced I am that he didn't write it, but...

He didn't write it. Caro wrote it. He's too stupid to write anything. He punched up the dialogue. Yeah. But that, uh, that girl that writes urban fantasy, whatever it is, Carol Brown, who has a comic book ghostwriting business. And she's his personal

executive, you know, executive ass-istant. Ass-istant? I get it. I got there. I'm not going to make assumptions about Eric having sex with his associates or whatever.

Write that in. What it is. I just know that there's a lot of... I have my theories. I don't think he wrote it. He didn't write it because he can't. A guy can't write a fucking email. That's the reason I don't think he wrote a fucking page of comic dialogue. That's why I don't think he couldn't write it is because he can't write.

At all. That the campaign page is for ICE. I always bring up the campaign page because the campaign page is one of the most terribly written synopses of anything i've ever seen in my life i gotta go to the bathroom okay the isom synopsis if you read the campaign page at the time the campaign was live was i saw avery sillman is a man with a business and a truck, and he also used to be a superhero, but he didn't know that one day, the worst day of his day would happen on that day. And I went, I don't know how a guy who can't write at all writes a whole script.

I will say, I took a look through Eric July's Twitter history to see if he ever mentioned working on a script, and he does have tweets where he says something like, you know, oh, I'm like 20 pages into the script for Ice Hump 2. So it's possible he's writing something. But there's got to be somebody helping him out. I can't – writing a script is like a specific skill. So, you know, I know how to write a script But I had to learn it You know over the course of like 10 years

He's a guy who's never written a script before So there's gotta be somebody being like Oh if you're writing a script You need like this heading And this and you know Here's how you detail You know which dialogue boxes go where So somebody's helping him out with something

But to the extent that they're helping him out I don't know What the fuck? Wait a minute. What? What? I just discovered something. What?

Very embarrassing. For whom? What's Eric's wife's name? Do you know? Is it Jasmine? I don't think it's Jasmine. You don't think so? No.

So somebody sent me this. Sorry, what did I interrupt? Nothing. Somebody sent me this. Can we play this? I'm playing it Should I be here when you play it? Am I going to get in trouble?

How much trouble? I don't know What do you think? They're going to call you a double pedophile? I'm just saying like I'm always worried somebody's going to send us some Like a legal thing And then I'm going to get dragged into a thing

You dragged me into this I'm just saying it's not revenge porn I'm not about to see his penis, right? No Okay How big do you think that? Oh my god, dude You dragged me into this. I'm just saying it's not revenge porn. I'm not about to see his penis, right? No. Okay. How big do you think that? Oh, my God. Dude.

EVS ended his stream. So the last page of ISOM is ISOM standing there in his suit, right? EVS is like, you know, kind of ranting, like getting a little more animated. And he's like, where's his balls? Like on his suit? And he goes, how about this? And he draws a little line and he goes, camel toe right there. It's like, I fucking ejected out of the couch.

Rolled over, flipped around. So somebody sent me this saying this is proof that Eric puts on blackface. Eric July puts on blackface. And he's talking. An affectation. A black affectation to seem more black, right? Right. And he hates white. Eric hates white people.

He has a big problem with white people. Okay. Like, it comes out every once in a while. He's like, and white. You fat and white. Like. Ooh. Right?

Obviously, there's a problem with white people. Sure. But I skipped to a random part and I heard this. Okay. Okay. And it's interesting because... I'll just let you hear it, okay? If you can hold it up to the mic.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I don't know about this thing the guy was saying where it's like it shows that he has an affectation. I'm not convinced of that. Sure. But I did hear something peculiar Vito If you'll listen My right hand woman Jasmine Okay Okay My right hand woman Jasmine Okay

Okay She's on eight tracks Three tracks Three tracks on his album So he named the girl he's questing for In his self insert comic comic after a former lover. Oh, shit. Does his wife know about Jasmine?

Is his wife Jasmine? Is it his wife? No, because if his wife was Jasmine, we would know. Guys, I hope Eric's wife's name is Jasmine or else he wrote a story, a $6, $7 million comic book, where he's trying to save Jasmine from hooking on the streets, who was also on three tracks of a fucking album he released when he was a little boy who didn't pretend to be black. That is not a... That's not good.

Your wife would not be happy to learn that. That you took a woman from your past you were previously infatuated with and made her the subject of your character, your self-insert character's fetch quest. Is it his name? Is it her name? Is his wife's name Jasmine? His wife's name is Jasmine.

Oh, the chat's going so fast Oh shit we would know it We would know it He calls her Lady Rippa Oh I better be Jasmine I better be Jasmine Rippa Oh Is his wife's name Jasmine?

I don't think it is Is his wife's name Jasmine? No cause she's a rap. She's not a rap Right, how did I skip right to that? Oh the great magnet works in such wonderful ways Well Eric might be in for a talking to when his wife discovered Oh Eric you dirty bastard secretly lost you dirty motherfucker Eric secretly losting for a woman who used to rap Oh, you can save her Eric. Secretly lusting for a woman who used to rap on his track. Oh, you can save her.

Eric, you can save her from the streets and the dirty stuff with Darren. Well, maybe that's what happened. Maybe she got taken away by a rival rapper. Original songs. Original songs, yeah. My A&T DMC. Yeah. Of course, Moronic.

Moronic. Yeah, Gemini. And my right-hand woman, Jasmine. So she was very important. Sounds like an ex-girlfriend or something. Right-hand woman. Wow. Well, you know, you could say Jasmine.

Maybe that's a common name in the African-American community. No, he's pronouncing it with a Z. Yeah, well, I heard that. I could hear that Z in there. All right. Well, if anybody can figure it out. You heard it here first. You heard it here first.

Busted. Busted, Eric. You need a- Busted. You self-inserted yourself, and then you self-inserted this weird, perverted, daddy-daughter relationship of a love past, unrequited love past, into your fucking comic book that was rendered by Brazilian weirdos, you fucking idiot.

You should have never called me the N-word. He probably told him, no, Jasmine's tits are bigger. I would know because I knew her and I loved her. I knew her. That's why he had to put his wife's jewelry ad in there because he felt so bad.

You're right. He's like, at least that. You're right. Butt screen went on for two. I worry for the woman Vito deposits his snakes into. Don't worry, she's dead. Coup for five. Remember the last time CRP died in 2022?

I'll wait until the embassy comes out with their report before morning. I read the State Department fucking statement. Yeah, it seems like a pretty official death. Okay, yeah, you know, you don't want to get fooled, right? You don't want to get tricked into thinking Crouch Red Pill is dead.

A lot of fake news comes out. LJ Claberino for five says, will Dick get a cameo on Superkiller? No. Will he be a super dick or a normal vanilla dick? He's not in it. Okay, well, boycott. Maybe. I guess we're just going to boycott.

If I think of a good place to put you. The guy that kills Superkiller. Nope. That's not a guy. I do have a cameo in Superkiller, however, so you're going to see me in there. And that's what matters. DrunkenAth 80 Studio for five. RIP Brouwer House Lombard.

I saw Crypt Daddy open for Doug Stanhope there. I will forever be kicking myself for missing Dick slash WATP live. Total bummer. You missed out. Was that the one we went to or is that the other one? It was a different one. I went to that one. Or was it Brouwer House?

I went to Lombard with Carl. Kevin for 10. Coach Red Pill got deported initially, and they told him not to come back, but he did and then got detained and arrested. Yeah, he's an idiot. Yeah. Well, now he's dead, so don't call him an idiot. Buster Rhymes for 50,000 vindaloo's.

Tell Vito to jack off before the show or something, please. Enough weird Coombe fantasy situations. Well, with my want to make weird children to force to be a TikTok. You always go there, please. Enough weird coom fantasy situations. Well, with my want to make weird children to force to be a TikTok. You always go there, though. Because that's so much money just being thrown away at these kids. Have you seen Ryan's World? Are you aware of Ryan's World?

No. He's a little Asian kid. I don't want to hear any more about it. All he does is he goes, I got the new Troopy Coup robot toy. And then he fucking plays with it. He gets 50 million views. And then his family lives. Did I tell you I got offered a six-figure salary to run one of these family YouTube channels?

Why didn't you do it? Because I don't want to. Because I'm lazy. Yeah. Yeah. Because I would have done a bad job No You passed on a six figure salary For running a fucking channel Well it was one of these things where it's like

Okay you gotta get up at 6am and figure out How to rent a Olympic sized swimming pool and fill it with Orbeez and I'm like I don't think I'd be good at that Yeah You gotta figure out how to make a maze swimming pool and fill it with Orbeez. And I'm like, I don't think I'd be good at that. Yeah. You got to figure out how to make a maze and hire a bunch of guys to play scary clowns so the kids can run through the scary clown maze.

Well, that's not running the channel. That's like producing video content. It's producing. Yeah. I was like, I'm not the guy for that. Yeah. And then I was like, you know who actually would be good at that? My sister, who then I interviewed for, and they were going to give it to her. And she went back to her job, and they're like, can we just give you an extra $20,000 not to leave? And she's like, you know who actually would be good at that? My sister, who then I interviewed for, and they were going to give it to her.

And she went back to her job, and they're like, can we just give you an extra $20,000 not to leave? And she's like, sure. So I got my sister a $20,000 raise, which is pretty great. Imagine if you had a kid. You could give the kid the job and make them do it. Exactly. Don't you think it's ironic that your mom couldn't get her kid to even drive her to the airport, and you think you're going to train your kid to even drive her to the airport and you think

you're gonna like train your kid to be a youtube star i'm doing pretty good for my family i'm doing all right considering the uh the crippling i mean everyone calls you a pedophile shut up that's the worst thing okay the best thing is it is the worst thing i have a popular podcast i have a successful youtube channel i'm doing all sorts of big live shows without the help of anyone. Everything is great. Drunken Atheist Studio for two says, I would never give my mother a ride to the airport. See, Drunken Atheist knows.

Drunken Atheist just sent me a new clip, which I'll be uploading soon. Guys, check out all our clips. They've been great. Me, 0412045, I can't believe Zelinsky aborted Coach Red Pill the same way CRP aborted his kid. What a way to go. LemonTrashE for two. He's Gonzo. That's

the best joke of them all. Coach? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Because he's a Gonzo journalist who is now... Oh, he's Gonzo Lira. Gonzo. And he was Gonzalo Lira. It works on three different levels. Huh. He's a Gonzo journalist. His name is Gonzo, and now he. Gonzo. And he was Gonzalo O'Leary. It works on three different levels. Huh. He's a Gonzo journalist. His name is Gonzo, and now he's Gonzo.

Wow. That's pretty good. Go to him at Goatface for 10. Vito, you should be a better son. Jesus Christ. I don't know how your mom raised you, but Italian moms are usually more caring. She's not Italian. You're a bad son and you're a lardo. You are funny, though. My mother's Irish German, so... Oof so what are you gonna do

with that let me trash you for two all my italian comes from my dad i'm not racist i have stats from veto there you go so you're like the guy and willie wonka the german guy the beginning right y'all what was his name chocolate guy that gets sucked up in the chocolate tube? Uter. No, that's from Simpsons. Yeah, it's not Uter. Shit, I used to know it. Soul2XL for two. Arabic is Asian. You don't guess.

Yeah, but when you say Asian, you don't mean the Arabs. That's a different thing. Darius Reinikovic is for five. Why is Vito suddenly racist against Xing Xiong? Well, you know it. PSI Chris for five. Base Vito. five Based Vito Mystery weight Vito

Asian women Fetishize Costco On socials Oh, do they? Interesting Chinese are top immigrants At Mexican border videos That guy did a great comic

That we have to talk about Next week PSI Chris Yeah We'll check it out Cabin cheese for five Would Vito rather be in line Behind an Asian at a Costco

Or a black person At a drive-thru Drive-thru Because I get to sit in my car. I can play on my phone. Yeah, but you're waiting for food. Yeah, but the Costco line. You're waiting for food there, too.

The problem with the Costco line is that there's a million lines, and you always know you picked the wrong one because you have the option choice. You're like, maybe this one will be fast. And you realize the Asian lady ahead of you is buying 50,000 cabbages for some fucking reason. It's just like, I'm hiding my cards in here somewhere. And you drive in a parkway. You drive in a parkway. You park in a driveway. How about that?

Well, you don't park anywhere at that fucking Costco because it's full of Chinese people. Jay Thompson for two. Donation to the Hitomi Tanaka Guest Fund. She left L.A. today. Well, you fucked that up. TMJ for two. Donation to the Hitomi Tanaka Guest Fund. She left L.A. today. Well, you fucked that up. TM Day for ten. Vito's on to something here. It's called a Daigo shopper.

That sounds racist. Asians are buying items from Western cultures on the cheap and taking them back home in bulk. No, they're not. How do they ship them back in bulk? Well, they're probably shipping some stuff, like dry goods and shit. How? You know what? Chinese people also love giving gifts and shit, fancy weird gifts.

How are they shipping it back? To China? Yeah. On a boat? Just a big pile of shit from Costco that they made in China? Well, I get big piles of shit from Temu now, so that all comes along. Oh, God. Eduardo Rodriguez for two.

It says, no free samples in a communist China. Irony. Exactly. PSI Chris for two. It says, no free samples into communist China. Irony. Exactly. PSI Chris for two. South Korea announced dog meat is finally banned. Okay. That's why they're running to Costco, because they can't eat their native cuisines anymore. Koo for two.

Walls won't keep out Asians. Have you seen Mulan? No. LJ Claberino for two. What Pokemon would you want following you around? The one you fuck. Celebi. The plant one.

Gardevoir. Gardevoir. Gardevoir, that's it. Celebi's the little kid version of that. Celebi. Not Celebi. I think Celebi's... Gardevoir. Yeah, not Gardevoir.

Time-traveling one. Not Celebi. Lemon Trashy for five. Arkham Knight was dumb. Peter, are you fucking farting in here? No. It smells bad. I did not fart.

All right. Well. Does it actually smell bad? It smells like shit. Maybe because I just woke up or something. Alright. Maybe I didn't deodorize enough. Lemon Trashy for five. Arkham Knight was dumb. Oh, Batman, I'm gonna fear gas a city

filled with only my own goons. Aren't you afraid? Okay, well, it was fun. Yeah. I mean, it wasn't as good as Arkham City. I just skip all the story stuff. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX I just skip all the story stuff. XXXXXXX. All right, here we go. Yeah, I don't remember the story at all. Kara Fro for five.

Check out the Drunken Elephant podcast. They've got a badass upcoming Asian cast. Thanks, Vito. Maybe I will. Claptrap to the story for five. Vito should normalize saying, I got a stats for you when you bring in the stats. I got a stats for you. Lemon Trashy for two.

Google Sweet Baby Incorporated. They diversify video games. No. I've looked that up. What is it? It's a company you go to if you're making a video game. You go, how do I make this DEI friendly? And then they tell you to make a character black or change dialogue or whatever. You gotta pay for that or they do it for free? No, it's a consulting company.

You gotta pay for it. Let's fuck with them. Everyone's already fucking with them. It's a little late. Ruby C for free. No, it's a consulting company. You gotta pay for it. A lot of games. Let's fuck with them. Let's lie. Everyone's already fucking with them. It's a little late. Ruby C for five. Thank you, Dick and Vito,

for the quality drama coming out of Comic Skate. You're welcome. LP Dirty T for five. Live service games like Genshin Impact are ruining games, but the big tits

on the ladies in the games generate a lot of hot fan art and cosplay. I'll be the judge of that. Coup for five. Lemon Saki wanted me to tell you, Dick, about how Vito got scammed buying a Game Boy Color. Games generate a lot of hot fan art and cosplay. I'll be the judge of that. Coup for five. Lemon Saki wanted me to tell you, Dick, about how Vito got scammed buying a Game Boy Color. Oh, I saw that. About two fake Game Boy Colors.

On a fucking roof. eBay's got payment protection. I should be fine. I should be able to get a refund. JJ for five. Vito got scammed with a fake Game Boy Color. Now he's getting scammed with a fake game cabinet. In the NGO?

That looked... Everyone try to scam Vito. No, don't try to scam me. Leave me alone. LP Dirty T for 5. EVS mocking Eric's method of super chats was great. Woo, that's a lot of money. That ain't cheap. Woo.

Oh, yeah. Eric July does this. Like, if he gets a big super chat, he goes like, Oh, you lagobu, you stumbled in. He turns into that Samuel Jackson from Django. Oh, you stumbled into the whorehouse and I'm like the prettiest whore in there. Maybe not the prettiest, but I'm left over because all the other whores were taken. And you slap all your gold money, your big dick slinging money down.

And I say, oh, my mercy. There's a lot of big dick coming out of that money there, sir. It's like, oh, my God, dude. Calm down. He knows his audience is white and they want to hear, you know. Minstrel show? They want the minstrel show, exactly. Darius Ranikovic is for five.

Vito loves the government and gaining weight. True and true. And he's all out of government. Justin Roiland is here, creator of Rick and Morty, for five. He says, who was that babe trailing off about the government in the voicemail? I can fix her. Moon Milk. Moon Milk.

How do we know Moon Milk? Has she been on your show before? I don't know. I just know her. Yeah. Well, there you go. From Twitter. Oh, my God.

All right. We're going to go through these. We're going to bang through these. Wet Bandit for two. Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence. The election was not stolen. Dummy Udine for ten. Did you know the federal government provides subsidies for corn ethanol,

which is why so many foods in the USA contain the waste product high fructose corn syrup? Come on, man. Everyone knows that shit. Get out of here. You're spoiling my future problem. Warren for two. The only one who hates this bit is V-Ton. Or V-Ton.

Because I weigh a ton. Mr. Cool Ice is here for five. How about instead of Harvest Ballots, it's Harvesting Pallets. And it's Eric Jai Collecting Pallets, Fohi Warehouse. Fascinating. Aklovich for two. Everything's coming up, Jizwaldi, including weight. Dean Schock for a big ten.

Another banger, boys. Love the shirt, Dick. Please don't let Vito forget to put it on the site. I'll put it on there. Oh, by the way, biggest problem, hats are now in stock. I fixed the error. Go to killdozer.industries to get your biggest problem hats and shirts, and I will put the truck shirt up as soon as tomorrow.

Cab and cheese for five in case audio listeners can't tell. Vito is still fat. There you go. Cool for two. Nailed Dick on the the skating routine We're waiting, clock ticking Dumb username for five I'll have a horse coke, is horse Pepsi okay? Nay Futurama is funny

Vote down Futurama fans if you think rings are cool Fuck Futurama Dumb username for five, most amusing girl who acts like fighter. Training fighter who acts like girl. Vote down Futurama fans. Got it. Hold the truth hostage for two. Dick 3D asset shirt Eric approves.

Ha ha. Thank you. It's better than his stupid what's your favorite part shirt. Where he didn't have the guy draw something new. He just took clip art he already had of the characters. Like, can you draw something? LP Dirty T for two. We do it for the lulz.

Heather Salvatore for a big $20. This is Vito Western Mass. Reparations to UMass right now. Something's going on in Western Mass. I forget what. You can't smell that in here? It smells fucking horrible, man. Dude, I did not fart.

You got to figure something out. Did it smell at the beginning of the show? A little bit. You think it's gotten worse? It's gotten much worse. Now there's some kind of sound going on. Maybe your dog farted and it's coming through something. No, I know what my dog's fart smells like.

All right. She eats the same thing every day. I'm sorry. Influence History for Five. I backed a Kickstarter last month. It's not supposed to ship until next year, and they just updated the backer kit, and my shipping is $40 somehow. That's for your benefit, according to Vito.

Well, I'm not going to charge you $40. I bet that's the... That better not be the fucking... I don't know what that is. Mark Jackson for 10. Dick in the live Q&A, Maddox said, you don't know shit about Unix if you hadn't heard of sed and awk. Why wouldn't he pick more well-known

commands like is and cd? He really is restarted. Yeah, if Maddox knows so much about programming, he should get a job doing freelance programming. He said during that Q&A that his programming skills are useless now. They're all old.

Also, again, this is a thing that's a problem with that video is I go, you know the normal people in the world, if you told me, and then Derek told me he doesn't even know the commands to access the mainframe database keys. Yeah, that's true.

Wow, what an idiot. I can't believe it. Hey, didn't you sue that guy for $20 million? The thing is Visualizer 5 says first you won't make your mom get an Uber Now you won't even get on the scale Hashtag fat exchange They're not going to let it go

Good I don't care They're going to I do kind of smell something now Now you smell it Yeah I don't know what it is though I don't think it's me What else could it possibly be Maybe it is me I don't know what it is, though. I don't think it's me. Shit. What else could it possibly be? Maybe it is me. I don't know.

Cycle Crusher 69 for 20. Hey, Vito, I bet you weigh around 400 pounds right now. Prove me wrong by stepping on that scale. Okay. Oh, hey, look, I only weigh 120. Wow, 370! Shut up. You do not have a thing. Lemon Trashy for two. Flash said he blocked EBS because of you guys. Yeah, I know. He's a fucking pussy.

I don't even talk to Ethan I've said hi but we haven't had a discussion I talk to him every day We plan this whole thing out This whole Eric July thing I mean I know he brings us up on his podcast sometimes But people are acting like we're all part of some fucking club Great guy Gabe for 279

Live show in Toronto Canada live show Riley The Clip-a-verse Eric July's wife Great guy, Gabe, for $279,000, live show in Toronto. Canada live show? Oh! Riley, the Clip-a-verse. Yeah. Eric July's wife is not named Jasmine. Eric July's comic book. His trilogy, his $10 million trilogy.

Sure. Is written about some hoe he's trying to save from the fucking streets, bro. Right. Jasmine is some fucking hoe he had on his rap album. Maybe she fell through the cracks. Maybe she got addicted to, like, heroin or something. Or cock. Yeah, or cock.

Or BWC. Yeah. And he's trying to right the wrongs. And he said he lost his gal pal, his right-hand gal. Right-hand girl? Yeah. Oh, no.

I lost my girl in the streets, so I made a whole comic book about what if I had powers and I could have stopped her, and then we'd still be fucking. Woman. Right-hand woman. Jasmine. Jasmine. Oh, no. Jasmine.

Oh, no I mean, he can't say it's not a self-insert right now, right? He's naming characters My right-hand woman Jasmine My right-hand woman Oh, no, no, no Jasmine

Someone needs to remix that now You gotta upload that clip Yeah, my right-hand woman I would love. I think that me and her could grow old together. But, you know, she's got these nasty habits. Maybe I could save her. Maybe I saw him could save her. Maybe my great-granddaddy could save her from the streets.

Are you guys fucking serious? You are so fucking stupid. How did you not see this shit coming a mile away? Erica's also so uncreative That I would not be surprised If her full name of this real woman Is Jasmine Newman Like you could just google her It's possible he just used her full name

For the character so See if there's a Jasmine Newman A rapper I did three tracks It should be easy to find this old album, right? Three tracks. Oh, my God. Jasmine on them.

The woman with which Eric July is apparently obsessed. How does this keep getting better? See, I put a girl in my comic book. I let everybody know ahead of time. I didn't lie about it. That's weird, though. You don't have a wife. If you had a wife, yours would be

embarrassing. No, that'd be way weirder. Well, yeah. Well, what are you going to do? Do you guys write stuff that just doesn't have women you want to have fucked? It's not exactly how it is. Here's what happened. I wrote it. We had already

drawn a bunch of pages, and I sent it to my buddy. He's like, I hate this fucking female character. I'm like, oh, really? And then he thought, he basically went, oh, wait, it's Sarah. And I went, no, it's not. It's a new original character. He's like, no, dude, you just wrote Sarah into your comic. And I looked at it, and I went, oh, shit, I think I did.

It was like subcon. So she is an original character. I said, you know what? As long as it's already reminding him of her, I'm like, let's just go the full fucking way with it. Oh I said, you know what? It's already reminding him of her. I'm like, let's just go the full fucking way with it. You know what? It was not an interesting story I just told. Tell me your username for five, Dick.

There's no footage from the Australia Live show, even on Patreon. Was it not recorded? My memories are fuzzy from the booze. I don't know. Who knows? Wet Bandit for five. If you don't think you can just wake up and roll out of bed and do a fully planned live show. Yeah, so much planning.

Yeah, seriously. I did all my planning yesterday. I brought in stats about Asian people. And there were great stats. You didn't know that the average consumer is a young Asian woman. What do you mean yesterday? Today. The show today, you're saying.

Yeah, but I'm saying I prepared for the show by getting all my stuff together. Oh, okay. Because I'm always prepared. Yeah, that's it. What stats did you bring in? None. There you go. Because I'm always prepared. Yeah, that's it. What stats did you bring in? None. There you go. White Panther for two.

Next live show should be a Super Killer book signing. Yeah, there you go. That's like five years off. Okay. Flip and dip for five. I'd go to a chill, comfy live show. There you go. Go with Vito.

Yeah, come to my chill, comfy live show. I'm not doing a chill, comfy live show. I'm going to do Vito's Fun Time Shenanigan Brigade. Everyone's going to come, and you're going to feel sad. Rev for two, Lazy Coping Richard. Sad. Influence History for two. Oh, Jasmine Newman has a SoundCloud.

Please tell me her name's not really Jasmine Newman. Please tell me her name's not. Did I seriously? Shut up. There's no way. That not. Did I seriously? Shut up. There's no way. That was a joke I made. I made a joke. I need some confetti or something.

Is her name actually Jasmine Newman? There's no way. As I was saying it, I'm like, no, that's too stupid. He wouldn't actually name it after her. It might be a different Jasmine Newman, right? Woo-hoo-hoo! Woo-hoo!

Yeah! Oh, my God. It could be anyone. It could be anyone. Did he seriously just name... We're going to have to dig into this on the next episode. Did we find Jasmine? Did we find Jasmine? Did we find Jasmine?

I found Jasmine before I saw her! I fucking found Jasmine! I fucking found Jasmine! Yes! World's greatest detective! You're the real Isam! Yes! You're the real Isam!

I'm the real Isam! Yes! Yes! Dick found Jasmine! I found Jasmine! And you did it with like interesting detective work I'm like I saw him and just punched a bunch of guys You like Formulated clues

Investigated and had a team I had hunches Using my understanding of human nature Knowing his limited intellect When I used my butler Who provided me with keen insight. Have you perhaps thought that maybe Eric is of such

lacking intelligence that he would just use her full name for the comic? This is unverified, but if he really had a girl named Jasmine Newman rapping on his tracks. Oh my fucking God. Let's not get too ahead of ourselves. We have to confirm this information.

I saw him three, solved. I got her. We found Jasmine. Influence History for two says, I can't wait for Vito's live Star Wars review show. Fuck you. Miles Wilson for ten says, How about a little throwaway weigh-in?

Yes. Oh, thank God. Thank you. There we go. Dumb Username for five, Vito, if you want to make money on YouTube, just do what Doug Tenable did. He took over his son's channel and does five pro right-wing videos a day.

Do that. There you go. Snazzy Razz for a big 20. I don't like it when my two internet dads fight on the podcast. Oh, fuck off with that dad shit. Fucking kill yourself. Shut the fuck up. God, I hate that.

Hey, all my dads are fighting. Why don't you fucking kill yourself? Shut the fuck up. We're very disappointed in you, son. We're very disappointed. LP Dirty T for two. Eric July's wife voice bit. Lol.

Lemon Trash E for two. Vito, bring back the Ryan Kinnell website. Yeah, that website had a bunch of errors. Maybe I will. Cody Titus for two. Vito's super killer cameo is going to take up a full page. Right, because I'm so fat. My right hand girl, bro. Bro so fat. My right hand girl,

bro. Bro, it's my right hand girl, Jasmine. She's on three of my tracks. I love her. I'm in love with her. We have some Ross and Rachel energy. She's the Winnie to my Kevin, Wonder Years.

Oh my god! So are all the characters in this comic named after people? Because Isam's his grandpa. Yeah, Abraham Lincoln is named after Abraham Lincoln. Lincoln, who said we have? It's very bizarre. Conrad Carble for five says Vito likes being poor. Dickington Post for two says Jasmine is not Eric's wife's name.

Her name starts with a T. What Bander for five says real talk Asians have taken over Orange County. It's annoying as fuck. There's a lot of Asians moving into California. I don't blame them. They like being here. They like the weather. Who sent this to me?

Fuck. Oh, Suit Yourself. Suit Yourself. Suit Yourself has like this incredible 70-part parody of I Saw Him. We should watch the whole thing as like, I don't know, a bonus episode or something? We should do a bonus episode. Hold on, let me pull it up.

We should do another... You should read Alpha Corps. Let's talk about Alpha Corps. I don't care about that. It was written by other people. Yeah. Under the direction of a moron. Nah. Let's just chuck... I don't want to like pick on a guy just trying to get a paycheck.

I do. Why? Because he sucks. Well, what do you mean he sucks? He's a bad writer. Why is he a bad writer? Because I read Alpha Corn, it sucks. Ah, what did you expect?

I mean, I expected it to suck because it's written by the guy who wrote the alt hero q comic book oh come on he's just a guy just a guy trying to make a buck uh motherfucker where did this guy tag me come on well you can search for conversations between yourself if you put both your adss in the search bar. No, he just tagged me. I was peeing when I discovered this. Oh, well, you got to refresh. It says, uh, that tab always takes forever to refresh. I know. What the fuck?

I don't know why the mentions tab is broken. It's weird. You can't use it. Uh, I can't believe it. Okay, go to his page. I did that there it is Okay Here's Rip Young G Ripra

He's gonna take this video down by the way So please archive this Archive this shit This is Eric having an emotional affair On his wife In front of 40,000 people. How embarrassing for her.

How embarrassing. Right. Oh, you have the super chat window up for some reason. Oops. Oh, my God. How could this still be getting funnier? Here we go. That's the type of music that you have to make in order to excel. I won't be part of that. Here we go. Of course, Bo Ronnie, Rochelle Gemini, and my right-hand woman, Jasmine.

She's on three tracks. So I really do hope you guys enjoy it. I did it for y'all. Strictly for them. Oh, you did it for Jasmine Newman, though, didn't you? I'd say he's become a much more effective public speaker since this time in his life. At least now I can get a whole sentence out.

I did it for my right-handed. You think he's a better speaker? Yeah, a little bit. He's still bad, but... You know what it is? I got a 36 track of what it is. He did find more... I got a 36 thing coming out.

Instead of just going, uh, Jasmine. Jasmine Newman. New woman. Well, we're going to have to dig into this. We've got our team working on it. The Biggest Problem News team from Biggest Problem. Obtuse Nome. Just like we directed him to email the ISOM ministry.

We have him going hard. We have our entire crack news team emailing every organization they can find, churches, ministries, to locate Mrs. Newman and find out what she's up to today. Found her. Found her SoundCloud. We found her SoundCloud, and that is the first step towards finding the woman herself. Ask her how she feels about appearing. How does she feel about... We...

I'm not going to say it. I mean, you know, you can't just use a lady's name. You've got to compensate her, right? No, don't compensate women. Now you're liberaling this up. It's a Tony Twist situation. That guy for five says,

I suspect his own warehouse is actually property of the Blaze. There's a lot of things that are confusing. Jameis for five. Isom knocks right us to the grave pick. Where will Jasmine take us? Koo for two. Thank you, Dick, for finding Jasmine.

On the John for 20 says, oh, my appearance on the last Dick show went great. Maybe if people knew how to unsuppress people in Discord, their bits would go a lot better. You motherfucker! And yes, you do eat butthole. God fucking damn it. Everyone asks Richard until he admits it. You fucking asshole. He's saying you ruined his bit. Everyone is suppressed in my Discord for some reason.

He says you ruined the bit by not suppressing him in Discord. I did. I don't know why people are suppressed. But he follows it up and he says, oh my God, Jasmine was an ex. Ladies and gentlemen, we got him. We fucking got him. We ruined Isom 3. We fucking ruined Isom 3.

Jasmine is his ex-lover. We fucking got him. We fucking got him. Nailed him to the wall. We fucking got him. We nailed him to the wall. All because Yellow Flash had to be such a cocksucker this whole time. All these fucking assholes.

Anna and Cecil too fucking needling and needling. Oh, man. I feel like we've been vindicated on a lot of things regarding a lot of situations. Conk sucks. We're always right. We're always right. And that's the bottom line. Guys, we are going to dig into this Jasmine situation.

Fucking nailed it. We've got a poo snowm on it. We've got a crack team on it. We're going to be looking into that. I want to thank you guys for coming by. Don't forget, here's all our top supporters, all the dickheads, all the veto files. Also, these sunglasses are there for some reason, so I'll take those off. Don't forget, we've got a new bonus episode.

Our year-end wrap-up. Biggest problem in 2023. 14 years ago. Yeah. They collaborated. Well. We gotta hear that track. This is her name. Dream Big. Hold on. Save it. Save it for the next show. You can't spoil all this. It's not Jasmine

Newman. It's not Jasmine Newman. Jasmine something else. Okay. We found her. We's not Jasmine Newman. Jasmine's something else. Okay. We found her. We're going to dig into this. I couldn't save Coach Red Pill, but I can save you, Jasmine. And you can save Comicsgate. Save comics in general. You are the savior.

Guys, biggestproblem.show. Vote on all the problems. Check out the bonus episode at patreon.com slash biggest problem and back dot by slash biggest problem. Fucking got you, you bastard. We will be back. The Jasmine hunt is on. The hunt to save Jasmine has begun. Dick's at the

forefront of it. Imagine some guy writes the worst comic in the universe about loving you, about saving you. What a fucking weird what a weird like love letter it's very bizarre 3d rendered trash there's a hundred bucks a piece that you're gibbering and jabbering about named after you oh man yeah just tell me you still jack off to me when you're drunk on Facebook.

Don't write a whole fucking weird novel about me. Maybe she knows. Maybe she knows. I get the feeling she doesn't, though. I don't think so. What if she's fat? What if Jasmine's fat? It's been 14 years. What if Jasmine is a fucking hippopotamus, man?

14 years. She's a big lady. What if this bitch is a fucking hippopotamus? What about that, then? What are you going to do about that, then? I don't know what you're going to do. What are you going to fucking do about that then? The hunt is on, folks.

The hunt is on. Biggest problem. We will return. Oh, my God. It doesn't get better than this. We found her. Why don't you hop on that scale? Give everybody a thrill.

No. Give everybody a thrill. Come on. Thanks, everybody. Come on. There we go. All right. I stopped the stream.