The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 13 - Cheers to Media Brain Injuries

Episode Date: October 23, 2021

Fake News, Traumatic Brain Injury, Long Lost Lectures, OCD Toasters

Hey Dick, how you been buddy? I've been better. Yeah It's been a time. I don't know how much of me has showed up today. I'll be honest. I'm exhausted. You're exhausted Yeah, I'm fucking exhausted too. Yeah, I tried to do a Sudoku That was the best. I got through saying Sudoku and I was exhausted and I had to go to bed I was talking to a doctor. Yeah. Let's call him a doctor because I don't want to call him what he really is. Right.

Because you sound fine. And I said, yeah, but it's the thinking that goes in. You don't understand. Usually I'm tripping over thoughts to get to my words. Yeah. Now I'm looking to the word well and it's run fucking dry. That's how I describe this. We knocked him down a couple IQ points.

Here we go. Let's do it, right? That's how I describe this. We knocked him down a couple IQ points. Here we go. Let's do it, right? Let's do it, baby. Let's do it. Biggest problem in the universe. Hello. Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe. Hello! Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe. The only show that ranks every problem in the universe.

From long loading times to Columbus crimes. I'm your host, Dick Maddison. I fucked that up. Joining me as always is the famous, the legendary, I wouldn't even call you a viral star anymore. That's officially news. I know. Vito Giswaldi. Hi, Dick. How are you? I'm excited. I'm excited to be here. You have been better. You're going to have to do a lot

of the pulling today. I know. You're already stumbling over the rhyme to get us in here. Oh, my God. Voting times. Guys, this might be one of the last shows before the dementia overtakes the good Dick Masterson. Oh, Lordy. I'm going to save all my jokes to do my problem. If you're new to the show, because you saw us being accosted on international media.

International. That's the exciting part. It really is. It really is. It's bigger than Twitter. It got to places that are, in fact, real, Dave Chappelle. It's got to, like, all around the world. It's crazy.

Last episode, we had, here's the results. Problem from last episode. Installing console games, number one. Yes. A rare veto win. Look at this. You're two for two. I'm two for two. I'm two for two.

I'm killing it. This is the more important thing, winning the biggest problem race. You're going to trip. You're going to land in some pussy on the way home. It was a close race from what I saw, though. You were very close behind. Yeah, yeah. Columbus hate, number two.

Waiters who don't write down your order. I can't believe that's third. That is a good one. That is a good one. then master master erasure it's a complex topic i think yeah sure yeah i try to get upset about it i'm like i don't want to call these master slave hard drives well what do you have to call them well primary slave and that's more descriptive and probably helpful but god damn it i don't want to be able i don't want to have to call it the M word. I don't like.

I don't want to have to say the M word anymore. They're going to someday menstruation. The word will be, have to be the M slur. Yeah. What are you, are you having an M slur over there? I mean, saying woman's going to be a slur. You have to say what? Bodies with vaginas.

I believe they decided on. Yeah. We're losing a lot of language. I think just losing language is the real problem here. Oh tell me about it. I've lost about half the words I know this week Taking a header into a fucking concrete and all I was thinking as my head Ricocheted off the stone ball in front of the Netflix HQ Yeah, all I was thinking was fight clubs corporate art like I'm like fucking corporate art. Yeah You know and they make that big ball roll?

Yeah. Okay, here's some- Should we give a quick just rundown for if somebody missed it or they're listening to an old episode and they- No, we have to do comments first. Yeah, do the comments first. Well, yeah, however you have it stretched. By the way, weekly show.

Weekly. This is a weekly show. Thanks to you all. This is the first time we're announcing that i think and we celebrated i don't know if you remember but when we cleared the two thousand dollar a month on patreon.com slash biggest problem to guarantee a weekly show we celebrated by not doing a show not doing a weekly show that week because you had to do i had to go to a wedding you had to go to a wedding that lasted the entire week so there

was no way to do a show beforehand right look man i had to get stuff a wedding. You had to go to a wedding that lasted the entire week, so there was no way to do a show beforehand, right? Look, man, I had to get stuff set up before I left. What are you, organizing the wedding? I had a bunch of work I had to get off my plate on Thursday, and then Friday, I had stuff going. You couldn't do it on Thursday? You couldn't take a shower instead of a bath one day and clear off an hour? I can't do it.

Thursday, I had to do a bunch of work, and then Friday, I left for Vegas. Okay. You're getting a weekly show now. What do you care? Come on. We skipped one week. Something about weddings in this show. Yeah, weddings are important.

So thank you all for your support. Weekly show. I can't believe this show is such a huge success. It is really popular. Everybody likes it. It is. People start broadcasting like, well, it's easy. You just make a huge success. It is really popular. Everybody likes it. It is. People start podcasting like, well, it's easy. You just make a couple grand.

Dick did it twice. Yeah, a couple of months. And they do it. They got three donations, three Patreons from them. And they're all their mom. I'm excited, Dick. It's a new era of comedy podcasting for both of us. It's a violent.

It's a violent era of comedy. OK, Jojojo says, I love your prep work. Thanks, buddy. Carl Tahoton Honan says, How about get a life so you don't have to install games? Adults can actually do things instead of playing

and pretending to do things. I sometimes have little moments to myself where I can enjoy a hobby, but sure, I'll just abandon it and just work my... Why don't you get out and do things? Why don't I just work myself

into a grave? Sure. I'm speaking to a man who single-handedly stopped a global... Right! Censorship movement. You can't tell me

I don't get out there and do anything after today. All right? I got off my ass. PaleKeyser says, rare veto win in this episode. The last two Call of Duty games have made my PS4 hard drive unusable for anything other than Call of Duty

and lead me to the point that I got mad and decided I'm going to emulate NES and Game Boy games for at least the next year. Can you imagine like Kermit typing this out? No. Or at least avoid all the... Eric M says, Vito's problem is spot on. Oh my God, the video game people love you. Yeah. They're an easy group to fall in love with you.

Macho Weatherman POV says, Dear Dick, you brought up the problem of Macho Weatherman, but you never stopped to walk a mile in our shoes. Let me tell you what it's like to be me in the winter times. As I walk into the office in the morning in shorts and a t-shirt, I'm accosted by a shrill voice saying, Aren't you cold? Minutes later, some other broad exclaims,

How are you not cold? They sound, I'm impersonating the same, but they're different ladies. Perhaps even random strangers on the street, women, would also proclaim an astonishment. I'm cold just looking at you. Bitch, if you're cold looking at me, then you should put on a fifth fucking layer and leave me alone. You're the third one to bother me today about this. Anyway, Dick, I hope I gave you a new perspective on the issue. Know that we suffer annoying people bothering us about the weather just as much, if not more fuck yourself what do you think about that yeah yeah he makes a good point yeah i mean

the weather people are and they are a type of people it's the weather man it's the weather what can you do all right uh you won i did win so would you like to start us off anywhere you would like well your problem would you like a drum roll for your problem? Sure, give me one. Which I think you deserve. My problem, Dick, is fake news. Fake news.

It's unbelievable that you and I, you've been working with me for 13 episodes. Yes. Or only kind of 10. Yeah. And now,

you've gone from a staunch vocal liberal to being in a stone toss comic yes appearing on alex john on info wars yes i'm really good i'm going down the alt right rabbit hole it sounds like and now using fake news yeah oh god you'd be wearing a maga hat next week aren't i how was info wars by the way did alex jones ask you why you flagged alex didn't come in sadly i should have i should have thought of some stuff to talk about i was a great guest on info wars that was very nice i bet hey this guy whoever i went on with i should remember his name he seemed like a very level-headed dude

he was a very nice dude yeah we didn't talk't talk about, you know, poison in the well. What was his name? The Goymaster or something? No, no, no. Seems like they have some good young bucks working over there who I'm sure will eventually turn into rabid psychopaths like their leader. You're probably the only guest in InfoWars history that's flagged Alex Jones. Right.

I mean, what it really comes down to, Dick, is I have no principles. No, but you do. I do. You do because I've seen people busting your balls about this, but you do. You think TOSs should exist

and that you have the right to report things to them. Well, I had a very good discussion with a guy, Tommy C. He's a YouTuber. Tommy shot from the point. And I kind of came to a guy, Tommy C. He's a YouTuber. Tommy shot from the point. And I kind of came to a new stance on some of this stuff in that I just wish there were more platforms. I wish there wasn't just YouTube. Because then I could say, well, YouTube's just not the place for you. You

should go to this platform, that platform. But if YouTube is out there you know kind of running a monopoly and making sure i mean working with tech to like make sure alternate platforms don't show up as long as they're doing that i do have to go i can't well okay you got a good point yeah i'm not gonna flag no but i mean what you're saying means well i can't participate in this system right it's not the kind of system so even though my ideal is i like youtube not having you know like hates you know some guys have said i want like hate speech on there i want every sort of thing on there you know people telling their kids to drink bleach to get rid of their autism yeah i'm like no i'm okay with this platform not having that but if there's if this

platform makes sure that you know free speech can't exist anywhere else on the internet yeah i have to go well no if you want to be the only one then you do have to kind of accept everything it is a very complex topic it is and uh people get very emotional about it because some people saying oh he has no principles like no he has he has principles and i can change my mind and honestly i do have to give credit to tommy for kind of like putting that in perspective for me yeah there's all there's two things it's not veto is not the reason speech is getting canceled it's because section 230 exists and because it's youtube so i brought that up section 230 and i actually told tommy you should talk to him he's a great oh yeah i was gonna go on his

show next week yeah if i remember if my brain comes back to stuff i didn't want to talk about it because i don't know the ins and outs as much as you would i know it like i used to know the back of my hand yeah well, well, I mean, you dealt with it firsthand. The government is stopping speech. But secondly, I was going to say you have done more force speech in the last 48 hours

than anybody criticizing you. And I don't know. Here's the other thing I was going to say about it. If people don't like your apology, these are the same people who say never apologize right like they're always going never apologize don't don't bend the knee but then when

they're faced with an actual apology from you they go oh no fuck you like dude you are embodying what you say the left always does by not accepting his very genuine apology you have become what you constantly rip on. Well, that's what I tried to explain on the last show, is that you're like, you got to, you know, apologize. You know, you should do a better apology. And I was like, I don't know how it matters. Because these people, I've never seen anyone accept an apology in the modern age.

Like, I don't know how you do an apology. It does matter. Well, that's the thing. I think it does matter. And I've always argued, I'm like, we need to get back to accepting apologies. Like, you can't have a society where you just go, I can't apologize. I can't apologize. I can't apologize. You know, nobody will ever accept it. Yeah. And I did write out an apology to these guys. Should I read it here today at the end? I want to I want your problem. I want to know your problem.

But I do apologize. And these guys are I mean, these guys are telling me that I don't care about free speech and I do deeply care about free speech. Yeah. And we have some disagreements about where the lines are. But clearly, I went out there. I mean, I didn't go out there. Everybody's saying, oh, he's just a grifter. He just wants popular. Whatever. I'm like, no, I went out there because I really am worried about cancel culture and comedy

getting stepped on and whatever else. So we went out to the protest. Yes. Veto. The Netflix walkout for trans rights against Dave Chappelle. Yeah. Right. I wanted to go in a wig and a dress.

Right. But we decided, thankfully. Well, we talked about it. You're like, I mean, do we really bust their balls? It's like, you know, we could have had a sign that said you need balls to do comedy. Yeah. Don't neuter comedy. And it's like, but this isn't about the trans thing at all.

It's just about I like jokes. Yeah. It's just about we like jokes and we support jokes and we support comedy. And it's like, but this isn't about the trans thing at all. It's just about, I like jokes. It's yeah. It's just about, we like jokes and we support jokes and we support comedy. Yeah. It's not, it's not an anti-trans thing at all. It's just,

if any group that would come out against comedy, I mean, I don't care if it's, you know, white guys, black guys, white women, whatever.

I would have been like, no, you can't take, you can't do this. It's like men, women, bring them out. Yeah.

Whatever you got. It's not a, it was not an anti-trans thing though as the media wants to uh depict it how many media interviews have you done in the last 48 hours i want to say well i mean it's a lot of podcasts and stuff i don't know who's a journalist at least you know uh five or six real news organizations yeah yeah i mean info wars is a big real news organization organization one american news i was also on if you know them you know what you posted that picture i'm going on in fours i thought that's the prestige that's the prestige that's the cream of the crop oh yeah the promise the promise i'm to flag everything Alex Jones.

The turn. I'm a defender of free speech. The prestige. Hey, why don't you come on, Alex? Why don't you come on in for us? Yeah, why don't you come in?

It's a perfect, it's the veto redemption arc as we're calling it. Okay, what did they do to you? What did they do to me? Well, so I'm there. A lot of people have seen the famous video

where I'm there. I'm holding my sign the famous video where uh i'm there i'm holding my sign it says we like dave on one side it says jokes are funny on the other side which is a ridiculous nonsensical of course jokes are funny that's the that's the point of jokes and uh this sign made people very upset uh when one man a netflix writer whose name i keep forgetting who i know Sissy or something? Joe Scully. I don't know. I got to file charges against him.

I got to go down to the Hollywood PD because he committed a bit of assault, grabbed my sign, starts breaking it in half. And perhaps the worst part of it is I'm there. I know he's broken my sign. I'm just holding a piece of wood at this point. He goes, he's got a weapon. Immediately. Immediately. Like he planned it out. Did have this this strategy yeah that's called incitement by the way that's not protected speech no of course not there's a violent mob and you're saying

lying he's got a weapon implying that they need to attack you immediately i mean let's put this in context i've been to protests i've been to you. I've been to, you know, with Antifa kids around. You hear he's got a weapon. That's a signal to the Antifa kids to immediately turn your way and beat the crap out of that dude. Well, in my case, it was the signal to come barging in on my back and throw me head first into a concrete sculpture in front of Netflix HQ. You got video of that. I mean, we're going to see what we do. I don't know if you can show that video yet or what. No, I got to talk to the guy.

Yeah, you got to talk to whoever you're talking with. But that's the thing. We were violently assaulted on multiple fronts. Yeah. And why don't we go to the Associated Press, if you have that ready to pull it up. I certainly do. Is it this one?

Yeah. Now, so let me put this in context. So they had this picture of me. What's great about pictures is you can apply any emotion to them. Is this man angry? Is this man happy? And the only way to put it into context... Is this man hungry?

Is this man hungry? Well, of course it was hungry. I'm always hungry, Dick. But, you know, you rely on the news to put the picture into context. Does that not make sense? Yeah. So the original the original caption and this is the Associated Press. For those of you don't know, the Associated Press, you know, if you're a news organization, you can't attend the actual protest.

They will send you the pictures and the caption so you can just run it on your own article. Yeah. So this caption was not just on one site it's literally was on dozens of sites because it's the associated press so you said a media organization will subscribe to them and then they'll just run whatever the associated press pumps out yeah so they have something to put in the newspaper or whatever else and the original caption was uh let me see if it's up there uh Vito Giswaldi shouts profanities at peaceful protesters as they beg him to leave or plead for him to leave. Shouts profanities.

Like a drunk. Right. I've shouted profanities in my life before. I know what it sounds like to shout a profanity. I'm not gonna say i've never done it but if you watch the video dick what were my profanities they were they were jokes are funny that's profane speech jokes are funny i don't understand why all the violence i had a peaceful message i said i don't know why all the violence i don't know why all

the hate i'm just here to say i love jokes and i love dave chappelle yeah dave chappelle is woo is woo right wing dog whistle the w stands for white and the o's are the number of uh minorities we want to step on i guess yeah each o is uh someone we want to cross out uh so the associated press i mean a lot of a lot of real journalists verified journalists i have to say i was very happy came out of the woodwork to defend me and crazy right it is crazy because and i'll say that because it was so blatantly obviously fabricated because not only did we not swear the entire i mean we didn't swear the entire time we didn't i didn't swear the entire time because i wanted papers to run what i was saying because it sounded well put i could speak then which is before i got brained in the skull right i wanted papers to run it as a juxtaposition to the wild insanity

that was being screamed through megaphones. Right. So people would go like, oh, well, this guy has constructed a sentence. And these people are just screeching. We had some great quotes for the press. We were very level-headed. We aren't out there being hate mongers or anything. We're having a good time, too.

Yeah, we're being very respectful. I mean, obviously, we're being a little obnoxious by chanting we like jokes and being the counter protest. But that's alright under free speech whatever you want to call it and I mean if you want to talk about whatever you want to call that I mean you want to talk about shouting obscenities you have a lady with a tambourine shaking

it in my face going repent motherfucker repent motherfucker over and over and shaking this horrible noisemaker my ears are still ringing dick i need to talk to the why do they embrace christian i don't know iconography they're a cult they're a cult yeah repent motherfucker like hold wait a minute some uh some god some journalist uh you know and he's a homosexual journalist uh he's like listen man i marched for gay pride and whatever else. We've turned into

a religious cult. Repent? Yeah. Motherfucker. When did we become the Catholics that we were fighting against in the 80s and 90s? Right at that moment. He's like, we were fighting against this rhetoric. Why are we now employing it? Anyway, so the caption was updated.

Corrects the caption. The Associated Press were getting railed on. So Jesse Signal, was he the one that broke this down and said how it was demonstrably false? Yes. Approvably false. Because there was video and he framed like all the video like a fucking Matrix bullet time. Yeah, he's like, listen, man, this is the exact moment that he's speaking in the video. I mean, I talked to him.

He's like, I'm looking at the video. I mean, did you yell obscenities? I've gone through all that. I'm like, no, dude. Not once. Not once. Why would I? There's no point. So, finally, the Associated Press, all these journalists are going at them like thousands of quote treats. Correct the caption. I think this is almost worse. I think this is ridiculous.

I'll tell you why I think it's worse, too. Okay. Go ahead. Corrects the caption to remove reference to Giswaldi using profanities which he did not do at the moment the image was made a bit of an implication there also removes reference to protesters being peaceful because one protester destroyed his sign bro do you you get how ridiculous it's so unnecessary just say we wasn't saying profanity at the time like just say because he wasn't saying profanity yeah look we're retracting it because this didn't happen it didn't fucking happen the way we're describing it that's so we're retracting it the implication is two seconds after that picture was taken i went fuck like bro no and i mean you did you were screaming about how you miss sucking your trans that's true

okay that's true okay uh because they accosted me and they're like what do you call it you hate trans people and i'm like bro i knew the most attracted trans woman in the world and i loved sucking her big old dick and it was great every night and it was like every night it was over the top with that it was like someone had just said the n-word like it was like a hush through and I said he's telling the truth it's like just in case anybody's wondering I love man that chick was so hot in the day I was like why did I screw that up man I should have kept calling her she went I got a new boyfriend and I did she disappeared from the internet. This was the hottest trans chick I've ever met in my life.

I still have a couple of pictures of her on my computer. Oh, you didn't meet any hot trans girls at this protest? They don't compare to? I didn't see any I wanted to take home with me. Let's just say that. They wouldn't fit in your car.

Some of them. Some of them were like my size, let's say. Some of them would have been like Dino and the Flintstones in your car busting through the roof, you know? So maybe I'm not yelling obscenities at anyone in general. I mean, even if I'm yelling his dick,

I'm saying I love sucking her dick. I would not consider that profane. No. It's lewd. It's lewd. It's lewd. It's not profanity. I was just shouting it in general to anyone with an ear shut i wasn't shouting it you know uh and what else do i want

to say is that these were peaceful protests they're not peaceful protesters because one man broke his sign bro in addition to the one man breaking my sign you can see multiple people are pushing me back tearing at it tearing at the side yeah multiple people are helping destroy that sign uh you know shoving constantly yeah they kept shoving me back i mean later people were putting totally inappropriate and many of them netflix employees yeah which is you know which we know for a fact yeah we have uh gotten the identities of some of these people and we'll see what happens there uh and i mean we want to talk about peaceful protesters dick yeah i got uh well is that your problem well you want to talk about peaceful protesters dick yeah i got what happened to you well is that your problem well you want to move on to my problem i just want to

in light of the peaceful protesters i'll get to that you'll get to that yeah okay did you have a comment on the caption that yes the reason i think it's worse is because they frame it a correction necessarily implies that this is the factual truth yeah that they dug deeper into it yeah right like it's not like uh oh man your wife is a fat pig like excuse me let me correct myself she's a fat pig who stinks yeah it's like this is a more correct version it's like that's not more correct we never mess up but when we do we go out of the way to correct ourselves and this is the correct reporting that he wasn't saying profanity at the time this picture was taking oh really like while the frame was being fucking exposed what do you mean at the

time of this fucking picture when never then and let's be clear even if i'm using the sailor's language later on i'm not in the when you say shouting obscenities at protesters i mean the implication is that i'm telling them, fuck you. You suck. I wasn't mad at them. I was loudly pronouncing my love for trans cock. Like, that was a message of love.

Is it not? I suck cock. Thank you! I truly do. I have and I've enjoyed it. And I love it. You know what my favorite comment about this whole thing was? Yeah. On the Reddit, somebody said, you know what?

Dick saw something in Vito that none of us did, and he stuck with his gut, and that's why he makes the big money. And I said, fucking thank you. I think it was for rinse. I think, I mean, I was so happy. I'm so happy I brought you along because I called you up, and I'm like, Dick, we got to go. We got it was for rinse. I think, I mean, I was so happy. I'm so happy I brought you along. Cause I, I called you up and I'm like,

Dick, we got to go. We got to do this thing. I feel like I give people a sense of like, I'm not going to go get a little, I'm going to get a little extra while I'm here. Yeah. Yeah.

So intimidated, right? It was good. Oh, one more. I do want to go to the one other piece and fake news that we had was a variety. You had a lot.

There was a lot. Yeah. Yeah. Here you go. This was another big one though, is that variety goes at times the netflix walkout situation threatened to devolve as counter protesters pushed against trans speakers and look at that image uh they managed to find the one still that makes it look like i'm going fuck you bro it looks like you're getting yeah pushed out and

you're drunk i've seen this at many football at many dodgers games guys getting pushed out and you're drunk. I've seen this at many football, at many Dodgers games. Yeah. Guys getting pushed out by security guys like this. I did not get pushed. I did not push anyone. That's fucking killing me. Because I'm not an idiot. I'm not an idiot.

Dude, I know the rules of engagement. I've been to protests. I'm not putting my hands on anybody because I don't want to, I don't want them to put their hands on me. You know, I'm worried about some, some of those guys in the masks who are mad dogging you, you know, staring you down as you're, you know, yelling we like jokes. Like worried about some some of those guys in the masks who are mad dogging you

you know staring you down as you're you know yelling we like jokes like dude some of these guys i don't know i don't know what they're gonna take a bike lock to the back of the head and wake up oh yeah so i give them the excuse i don't want to give i don't want to do anything that might be interpreted as violent yeah because uh you get you could get your ass handed to you so uh variety did delete this tweet i think right here we have a little retraction or something. The photo attached to an early version of the above tweet did not accurately illustrate the reporting. We apologize for any confusion. That's a better retraction, I have to say.

But it's still fucked that they ran with it in the first place. Yeah. I mean, I think they went into it and they're like, we have to be on the side of the Netflix protesters. They're the good guys. Anybody else who comes in. Honestly, I'm going went into it and they're like, we have to be on the side of the Netflix protesters. They're the good guys. Anybody else who comes in. Honestly, I'm going to say this straight up. Who would have thought two of the biggest comedy trolls on Earth would show up? Yeah.

And I'm not, this is not an exaggeration. Like, there's, we said, when we were constructing our signs, we were very careful and deliberate with, specifically, we like dave we like jokes jokes are funny and then the other sign said we like jokes dave is funny this is like this is the most innocuous this is what these people get this will this will um illustrate perfectly who these people are that something so innocuous will drive them into a violent frenzy anything else could have been political uh could have been you know it could have been taken as aggressive but this was 100 purely a celebration of jokes we like jokes we like jokes you on the other hand

seem to not like jokes and this is why uh this is why it makes them so angry because the jokes aren't that powerful thirty dollars in a good joke stomp kneecaps the whole protest internationally protest nationally internationally this is my protest now two comedians threw a protest and 50 netflix employees decided to show up their ass protest them. It was our protest. Okay. True insanity. Dick, my problem. Again. I can't believe you're doing fake news.

Fake news. Okay, my problem is when you also go to the protest and you have a better sign, but your friend gets all the news attention and you get your head bashed into a rock And you have a better sign, but your friend gets all the news attention. You did have a better sign. And you get your head bashed into a rock. You're not on TV at all.

You're not going on Alex Jones. Nobody's calling you. You're just at home trying to remember how to read texts. Right. Because you get halfway through it, and then you get confused. And then you're like, why was was i am i reading it what am i doing reading a text here did i hit my head i must have hit my head yeah this is a concise problem that you've brought us my real problem is traumatic brain injury yeah uh the worst part about traumatic

brain injury is that you spend a week making fun of it you when it happens to him on his bicycle, and then it immediately happens to you. That's the worst part about... That's some weird universe colliding type stuff. Yeah. So I don't have... I've only got that picture in the New York Times. How about that?

New York Times. Hey, this protester gets his head thrown into a rock i was at the a bump a blower a jolt to the head a penetrating injury uh to the head that's what's defined as traumatic brain injury yeah there are three types of traumatic brain injury mild moderate and severe i looked up moderate because it would fit all my symptoms oh and i was like oh this probably not so bad moderate moderate says moderate i'm a moderate you know person with a moderate uh tbi may need ongoing care to help their recovery a moderator of severe tbi not only impacts life of an individual in their family but also has a large societal

economic toll uh costs an estimate estimated 76 billion dollars in 20 every year for all uh victims of traumatic brain injury additionally the cost of fatal tbis account for 90 here's a series some stats for you i got some stats for you don't tell the story five-year outcomes of persons with tbi what i have right what you've experienced dizziness. I try to walk the dog down the fucking street. And at the street, I'm like, I got to go home. Wow. Sit down. This is fucked.

Yeah. Five-year outcomes. 22% died. Wait, 22% of all traumatic brain? Moderate or severe. Oh, my dick. I thought it was going to be like funny when I looked up the stats. I was like, ah, stats Like probably like a couple percent

I'll make it a big deal And I was like what? 30% became worse 22% stayed the same And 26% improved That's a one quarter That got better All the rest are the same or worse

Forever What's that one boxer Who got all the sense Knocked out of him For life All of them Yeah All of them

I feel like I'm gonna come in And do the show And you're gonna go I'm Dick Vass Hi Dick How are ya All right Call it proms

All proms get ranked So Vito goes Vito gets his sign And this is This is the part of the the protest I was probably most proud of. Well, there was two. Yeah. And I'm going to talk about this in detail on the show on Sunday. Like in elaborate detail for the whole hour probably.

The Dick Show. Yeah, the Dick Show. People come back. You had taken your Netflix. The mob had it set up. So they were giving speeches on a little on a stage with Netflix

in the background and their cameras all set up facing Netflix with the speech and the Netflix in the background

you know just framing it as like yeah there's Netflix here's the protest here's us you're the you're the empire we're the resistance

yeah so you took your sign went marching around the back yeah jokes are funny right because there was all these like all these signs that were that that were uh liberal memes that we were you you know you can need a binocular you need binoculars to read it even if it's right in front of your face their signs are the worst i almost brought that in it's got a list of a list

of every trans person who's ever been killed you're like what am i gonna do stand here and like go through all of them. Oh yeah. Yeah. Oh, that one. Woman of silence. Oh,

wait, wait, come back. I'm not reading about all the trans people here. I got to write these down. Oh, you know what I'll say.

So you marched your sign over behind the people and that, and marched it back and that's when you got attacked. Swarmed. They did not like me

being back there with the sign. That guy, does anybody know who the Netflix employee was? The Frazier guy that allegedly attacked you? Yeah, if you can, if you know it in the chat um bring up his name you know what the worst part about the traumatic brain injury is i go to the doctor yeah i'm like uh hey you know uh there's something wrong with me and he goes oh yeah you're fat and i said no no it's my

i get that one a lot doc which is no it's my head What should I do Because you should Lose some weight The worst part is I'm already an alcoholic So it's so hard to tell Yeah which is the Debilitating brain

Aspect But I legit forgot A conversation we had Last night That's never Ever happened to me I'll tell that one Never

I came in and I'm like Yeah you know Because my dad used to Own a Domino's pizza Or whatever And you're like Oh you know My dad used to do this thing And I'm like Yeah you, you know, because my dad used to own a Domino's pizza or whatever. And you're like, oh, you know, my dad used to do this thing.

And I'm like, yeah, you told me this last night. Oh, fuck. And you were all surprised when I was like, my dad used to do this. And you're like, oh, wow, that's really interesting. I've never had that feeling. Dude, we had that exact conversation last night. I'm sorry, bro. Well, at least the CT scan was another 400 bucks.

Oh, Jesus. So you get your sign torn out of your hands by that guy Joe Joe Cristalli Cristalli who we know as

Joe Cristalli who's currently I guess the Frasier reboot has not happened yet he's currently writing it he's like in charge of it or something

he's like head writer oh for the Frasier reboot and a violent felon and a violent yeah a violent felon yeah um thanks netflix maybe

misdemeanor assault i don't know what it is but it's on company time on company property he's on company property not a not a good look to start beating people up especially and this is the funniest part he just gave an interview to the news we're like and what's your name he's wearing exactly what he was wearing before he goes it's it's Cristali. Joe Cristali. And he starts spelling it out. Once you do that to the media, that's your cue to not beat people up. You know? I just want to be clear on something. The only violence that happened at the Netflix versus Dave Chappelle protest was white males

assaulting a bisexual woman. Yes. And a Mexican man. And a Mexican. This is what happened while we were... A cis white man went hog wild on a minority. Two minorities. Let's be clear.

So you had your sign. Joe ripped your sign from your hand and smashed it. Now, I will take credit for you having the weapon because I'm the one that said we needed good poles. Yeah, okay, that's fair. Because originally I had like UPS boxes. I'm like, we'll just hold them. No, no, no, no, no.

That's not going to look good on TV. It wouldn't have been good. So he smashes your sign up, and as it's getting smashed, I think it would be so funny like in the Muppets. Yeah. You know, that they're all smashing your shit and all cheering. Like all of them are so aggro and amped up and screaming at each other that they've just destroyed your sign.

I timed it so I walk by with my sign at that exact moment and go, dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-de go, Yeah, I heard you chanting a little bit. You're like, we like jokes. Yeah, so I get back there. And Joey, what is his? Is it Joey? Joe. Joe Buttafuoco.

Joey Buttafuoco runs back there. Joey Chrysalis. Joey Crystalli. I can't remember names anymore. It's a very weird name. Yeah, you have an excuse. I'm just an idiot. Now I don't know if I'm saying the words wrong on purpose but um he comes up to me and he decides

to do the exact same thing grab the sign out of my hand smash it but i mean i don't i'm just like i'm just a i'm a big guy i could knock you down without trying i'm so he grabs my thing and i'm like uh i mean well buddy uh i have two little boy nephews and they're stronger than you yeah they will eventually rip stuff out of my hands but I don't think you could rip it out you could rip this out of my hand in a million years right right yeah so I have my sign and I'm like this is like a child this is like a little little child ripping and Niles Niles get over here for me it was the uh I think I was holding it at an angle, so it's a lever. You know, he's all the way at the end.

He's able to rip it out that way. Physics is your enemy. Physics is my enemy. Physics is my problem. So he starts screaming. He's attacking me. He starts screaming, I'm being strangled. I'm being, all these people.

The same incitement that he did to you. Trying to say that you're being violent and you have a weapon. And I said, bro, I think I got through saying, bro, I said, I'm being assaulted or something like that. Yeah. Next thing I know, I'm flying through the air and there's a video of it online. You can see just the head. I think this documentary guy that hit you up yesterday. Yeah, he got you.

He has the whole thing. He must. He was right there. You're not touching anybody. They're saying you you assaulted people they're saying you were strangling strangling somebody um let me let me try to find the new york times new york times dave chapelle just so i can put it up on netflix employees walk out is this it netflix employees walk out in protest so there's a picture of me i just want to get it up so people can see oh i opened it privately and tour great no there it is for opening tour on me buddy everybody's favorite tour here is the here it is okay here is me

here's the guy antifa smurf with the gator around his head and i don't know why netflix security is allowing guys in blue block or black block to be at this highly politically charged protest that they sanctioned did you see the security that they had was like two guys yeah they looked like 12 year olds it was like two guys they picked up at home depot they didn't have any under they didn't have any cops no they didn't have they had less security at this than I have at a dick show. Yeah. I mean. And even when I was getting assaulted, a security guard was like standing there.

He's just kind of like, all right, guys, let's calm it down a little bit. You got your sign there? He's got a weapon situation. Go, all right, all right. You know, try to take control. Well, you can't intervene because then if somebody gets hurt then you get sued right i guess so uh so here's me getting shoved now you can see this guy who looks like he's grabbing boobies right yeah antifa smurf here looking like he's grabbing boobies he comes out of nowhere and shoves shoves this is the

extension of his shove as you can see he's shoved and pulled back the other guy kind of has his hands on you so you're distracted. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They always want for you to be distracted and then blindside. And they come from behind. That's why this lump

I have on my head is on the front. Yeah. You know, I'm going to JFK this shit, right? Yeah. The shove is from behind. The shot came up

and to the left. And I pound my head into this concrete fucking ball that they only have there so homeless people can't sleep there. Yeah. Right? And now it's a weapon.

This enamel-covered concrete ball. I mean, this, to me, is attempted murder. It's something. And he confesses to it later. He goes, I shoved his head into a rock on a hot mic. We have him on a hot mic on a stream going, yeah, I sho hell out of that guy you know yeah um these guys aren't too smart i love that they stream their violence all excited he goes can you change masks with me can you check can you give me a different mask kept the same but you know what i love about this all the women all the hot women are sending me

pigs and like oh i think this is him i think they're using their like psycho chick stalking abilities to like pull guys out she's like guys the same shoes the same shoes the lips are the same like i'm not looking at his lips i'll take your word for it that's gay 2.8 million americans sustain a traumatic brain injury every year that's more than covid which i know you care about i I do. Get vaccinated, people. Thank you for vaccinated at this protest. Could have been horrible. 10% of all traumatic brain injuries are due to assault. How about that?

So I'm in the lucky few there. Yeah. One out of 10. That's you. Yeah, that's my problem. Traumatic brain injuries. I don't think it's as big as fake news because you were getting done up and down, left and right. Did it change your perception of the news after this because i know everybody

seems to think that i've never said that dude i call the news out for lying all the time so i mean this was so blatant but they've done it before i mean they did it to that nicholas sandman guy yeah that i mean and that was one where you know i came out day one i watched the video i'm like he did bro he was just kind of standing there yeah you just i know again and that was a picture you had a picture of a kid just standing there going i'm a dumb kid i'm smiling i'm not a native american guy in his face and you go oh the racism oh he's destroying that man and you're like bro he's just standing there i think thank god we look so dumb and cartoonish that's what i always say thank god a lot of people have came to me and they're like i don't know how you had such you know a cheerful

demeanor like when that guy grabbed my sign i would have cold cocked him i'm like no no no then don't go to rallies yeah then don't go if you're at a risk of of going hauling off and punching someone don't go because you're hurting your car if you act like that you're hurting your cause you a person like like people like that. I'm destroyed the Proud Boys. Yeah. Being violent and going nuts. Any type of, it's whoop, whoop, whoop.

Nope. Nope. My hands are up here. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I mean, we said if this Joe Cristalli guy had just been like, well, he's got his sign, but he also has his free speech rights and I'm going to leave him alone. I'm not going to, you know, rip up his whatever.

I probably would have felt embarrassed. I mean, it would have been a whole different situation. would have been like funny that's funny i said you know what we're trying to be having like a little discussion of hey we had a little thing on the news a couple people saw it instead we were driving home that video of that happening literally 10 seconds after we left the protest i'm like bro we got like 200 tweets on this thing bro we got a thousand tweets on this thing bro we got like 200 tweets on this thing. Bro, we got 1,000 tweets on this thing. Bro, we got 3,000 tweets on this thing. People that I knew from grade school were saying, I just saw you on the news. Coming out of the woodwork.

Because we couldn't take our phones out because these motherfuckers are slapping shit. You know as soon as you take your phone out, one of these dicks is going to slap it out of your hand. You're like, oh, well, there goes 1,200 bucks. My biggest concern at those protests, I was like, dick, I got to attach the hand strap to my camera because one of these antifa guys is gonna you know just rip the camera out of my hands and i know you told me that don't worry i'm putting the strap on but i just want you

to know that i would never yeah lose this camera and then i demonstrated this by not losing not losing the camera not losing the sign yeah there's no fucking way my sign i should have tried to pick up the pieces i wish I had my weapon. I wish I had just grabbed the stick to have it. He's got a weapon. He's got a weapon. And I'm just like, I went along with it. I'm like, he's got a weapon, ladies and gentlemen, you know? Do you have the sign?

It's in the garage. It's in the garage? Dude, that's a piece of history, bro. You're going to get buried with that sign. Bury me with my sign. Bury me with my sign. Well, that's your problem with traumatic brain injury. You know, Dick, it's interesting you bring up people from grade school coming out of the woodwork.

Not coming out. Yeah. Because you're pro that. I'm pro coming out of the woodwork. I'm just kind of showing up after not being in your life for periods of years, if not decades. Because it kind of leads nicely into my next problem. Okay. Which is the dead friend lecture.

This is when someone you have not spoken to in probably five, maybe ten years, sees that you have done anything, anything of interest. Oh, yeah. And that they don't like it and because they don't you know about it because they knew you at a brief moment in their lives decides it is their direct opportunity and moral obligation to give you a lecture about what a terrible person you are yeah isn't that wonderful isn't that what you want to hear when you're in the middle of uh you're dealing with a concussion i'm dealing with being assaulted by a netflix writer someone comes along i haven't seen in years yeah to tell me you're a bad person i know i just love the opinions

of people that i don't know right love it that's my favorite thing people who and let's be clear we're not like it's like you know people you went to school with yeah people who you know worked at the same pizzeria you're like we didn't did you think we had like a relationship where i would care about your opinion of me yeah did you really think that i hate you actually i i really do uh hate you so i have a private message i received on twitter and i will not give the name of the person. Okay. And I'll try to avoid any descriptive details.

But let's just say this was a former coworker. Okay. Someone I worked with. And to be clear, worked with in the way that I did remote work. In the biblical sense. Well, I worked remotely from California. The company I worked for is in a different part of the country. This was a person who we emailed about the projects we were working on

and i saw them maybe once or twice a year at like work conventions what is wrong with people yeah like what the fuck is wrong we should bring in shitty dads and that's the biggest problem of all fucking time it's worse than proton decay shitty dads this is a person that i'm like we did not you gave me a ride home from a convention once did you think we formed a lifetime bond where you're now like oh my god thank you for coming to me because i've always trusted your opinion on me and my life and the things that i do what if there was no instant messenger would you have written this out no oh yeah you know you know what yeah you know what else i think about you that's the problem with social media is people think you know your old like high school uh you know gym teacher wants to come by and give

you you know all sorts of information about his life and i'm like i don't care what you're up to man i don't need to hear about this all right i'm gonna i'm gonna give you what i got from this beloved friend of mine and you were so close hey veto you're actively making the world worse do better be better let me stop being fake and coy and just lean into the hatred oh uh-huh making some notes yeah if i was there i would have said you are a lying bastard you fake fuck so i'm saying it here i know you don't give a shit and i know you're going for another pepsi berkeley four million views or whatever but you are fomenting a world that is worse for people like me okay i must preface this is when i knew this

person they were a man i have transitioned to be a woman so clearly the uh this was definitely written by a woman to be clear you seem to be okay with that. So in brief, fuck Utah. I ask one simple question. You say the world has made things worse. How is the world made worse for you by Dave Chappelle? That was my question. Oh, that was your question. That was my question.

They sent me a video, a YouTube video, the complex transphobia of Dave Chappelle. I'm going to make time for that. I'm going to make time for literally, and literally captioned it. You want to know what they captioned it? What? Homework assignment.

No, no, no, no, no. You don't give me homework. No, no, no. I have no time for this. Are you sucking my cock? Then no. This is insane. I'll go on.

My comment to you wasn't about Chappelle. My comment was about you. You actively chose to make fun of the Netflix employees who are taking a stand against the special who are risking their livelihoods to say this is not okay. Were they risking their livelihoods? No, but Netflix told them to do it. They can't get fired. I mean, they got fired.

They said, go protest. You'll have a good time. I think the only one who got fired was the one who leaked confidential internal documents about the numbers of the special. I think they actually brought them back. Yeah, probably. I think they went, all right, you get one. The one that tried to crash the meeting.

Yeah, crash the meeting. They brought her back. You're saying we're funny to you. We're or some joke you didn't need to do that you chose to not only to say the netflix employees were wrong or whatever but to go and make a spectacle to make the moment about you and not against the continual march against trans folk you aren't the main character you think you are i'm done here my response i am absolutely the main character always have been always will be good for you and they blocked me so that's the end of that did you get it in before they blocked you i did get

it in before they blocked me because they commented on their twitter with their little they went well you know people who think they're the main character are the worst i'm like just let it go at that point we're done we're done okay i've and to be fair i was very polite with this person you know occasionally they'd they'd, you know, check in. I'd be like, yeah, you know, how are you doing with your transness or whatever? You keep that booty warm. Is this what you're doing? I don't know.

Keep that booty on the line. That's what you do. You send him a line every once in a while. I should say this one's not as good looking as the other one. Well, you never know. You never know. They could turn it around. It could turn super hot.

It could turn around. Could get a friend. This person is about 10 years my senior as well. So not as fertile as some of the ladies I've been dating. So, yeah, this is not the first time that I've gotten one of these lectures. It seems like whenever I put out a YouTube video, someone has to come along. And how could you say this about Star Wars it's such a diverse magical film and you're a hating white man blah blah blah I think I think you really

before you message somebody to really lecture them go what is my position here yeah am I the right person just don't just don't do it just don't just don't you don't have a special connection it's always and you see this also like like something happens to somebody and you see somebody else go on Twitter and they go, I knew him back in grade school and he pushed me down. And you're like, bitch, how is that relevant to what's going on? Who's the one seeking attention here?

That happened to me after, like, when I was at that Trump rally talking about affirmative nods, there was some Mexican writer. Which was such a great joke, and anyone who doesn't respect that joke where you go where Trump's up there and what did you think of the Trump rally and you're like he kind of looked at me

you know he didn't say anything to me. Give me an affirmative nod. Let me know everything was going to be alright. That was incredible. Thank you. This guy I say Mexican because I know him because he wrote it this like mexican sketch yeah that we did for a mexican show for hispanic heritage month this is before they banned

leaf blowers i don't know if they still do that right uh he wrote me this really horrible like i was an actor in his show no which is first free at the theater you volunteer and you go waste all your time like practicing their fucking lines and let them be a director and just try to make their script good and the audience it's like a favor it's total favor and he sent me this shitty message about what like a turn code i was i'm like what is the fuck is wrong with you what yeah and i know your dad and he seemed cool so what the fuck happenedened to you It's really weird It's really gross All this contacting

People are doing Yeah I think these people Like live in this weird I don't know Where they're like I need to take a stand And you're like bro

There's so many other ways To take a stand Than finding some kid You went to high school with And telling them They're a piece of shit Well this is about you Yeah

Oh wow I really said And again I want to be clear this was not an anti-trans thing that we did oh that wasn't then that rally had nothing to do with trans it only had it was it was a bunch of goddamn lunatics the the greater trans the greater community of anything is not a bunch of fucking morons it's always a sliver group it's always a little sliver. Who the fuck, who the fuck has time on a Wednesday afternoon to go screech about,

about politics? Right. No, people with no jobs. Right there, their opinion goes right out the window. People, you don't have a job. Oh, I'm going because I don't have a job. Get the fuck out of here.

Don't care. Why are you going? Well, I'm taking off work to go scream in the middle of fucking, where are throwing signs around well your fucking opinion doesn't matter either then get the fuck out of here these are people who know what who you would never listen to under any context oh shit what am i doing what am i doing with my retirement i better go ask those lunatics shouting shouting nonsensical and in-hook cohesive statements in the in front of netflix hq who openly sponsors what they're doing i should go ask them what to do and let's be clear i mean

i know anecdotes are worth nothing but i've gotten dozens of messages from trans people go listen man we're in your there's a lot of us are in their corner these people do not represent us nobody's got time for that shit yeah nobody. Nobody fucking cares about what's Dave Chappelle's. Nobody cares about a fucking comedy show. As I've said to people, I'm like, listen, man, if you're worried about how the trans community is perceived, I mean, go after lawmakers who are making the world harder for you. Go after, you know, guys who really hate speech. But what is Chappelle?

You're going to go after it. It makes you look bad. Why would you fight? He's universally beloved. he is an american treasure the man is like a modern day mark twain okay he is he is he is a mark twain he's a mark twain wow imagine coming out against i think maybe oscar wilde somebody with pithy one-liners not i would go for george carlin but i think it's too much uh we already laud Carlin so much. Yeah. I don't know.

Point is, if Chappelle's at the top of your hit list, or with J.K. Rowling, I'm like, do you think you're bigger than Harry Potter trans community? Pick a better battle. Go after a different book. Go after a book that we're like, yeah, that one sucks. Eragon or whatever. Don't go after Harry. What am I going to do? Stop drinking butter

beer at Warner Brothers Studios? At Universal Studios? I'm not going to do it. Oh, we can't go after J. What am I going to do? Stop drinking butter beer at Warner Brothers Studios at Universal Studios? I'm not going to do it. Oh, we can't go after J.K. Rowling? Yeah. Okay. We hate Tom Brady then. Come on, you guys! We're trying to help you out! Pick someone we all hate! Say, we hate Epstein. We'll be like, yeah, alright, cool. We agree with the trans community

on that or whatever. I don't know. Pick anybody else. We should have brought a boombox and just played Andrew Dice Clay of Hickory Dickory. The mouse ran up my cock. You know what? You know my biggest disappointment? You know, I'll talk about that

on Saturday. Here's my last problem. Give us our last problem, Dick. OCD toasters. This is people who when you're giving a cheers at a restaurant, they're the ones that have to hit

every single glass. All around the table. I'm like, oh yeah, yeah. Watching them pour the drink and I'm like a dog, sticking my tongue in there as they're pouring. I haven't had a drink in like three hours.

Licking it out while they're pouring. And they're like, oh yeah, cheers. Go, let's go. But they're like, oh no, no. i haven't had a drink in like three hours looking it out at a point and they're like oh yeah cheers go let's go uh but they're like oh no no i didn't get it i didn't get a cheers out of that guy get the governor a cheers like clink clink clink at the very other end of the table yeah oh come over here i didn't get a cheers from this guy come on i didn't get a cheers for you come on everybody on, everybody move. Why are you so entertained by the glasses? Do you think this is verboten or something? That you're breaking some kind of law by clinking? Is it the sound of the glasses like jingling a key?

Get keys for a child that you need to... Like, why does this make you so happy that you have to delay every surely you can see that it's impossible for all the yeah to all the glasses to hit this is like a traveling salesman problem you know computer science computers cannot figure out if this will ever end this but what does the most efficient way to clank the glasses together and then you force people who are OCD OCD toasters on the line you tip them over

and you're like oh this fucking barber is doing OCD oh I gotta hit every glass too I gotta collect every glass I gotta did I already do you? did I already know you

when I got up? did I already get you? I'll get you next time next time doing your fucking glass on the table it's one of those Everybody's gotta be included type problems

It's just like this This is why in Jesus' time They sat everybody on the same side of the table So they couldn't do that Like cheers Maybe you, maybe you That's it Can I sit across from Jesus?

No, you gotta lean over and make a dramatic pose with your hands. I didn't get Jesus glass. Sit the fuck down. You don't get to go around walking. Maybe I'll just sit on the other side. Then I can hit all your glasses. Get out of here, Jude. You're the worst one.

I thought you were going to say something else. No. I love them. OCD toasters. Have you ever been in a situation with an OCD toaster before? Yeah. I think recently there was something like that. Where was I drinking?

Oh, in Vegas. I went to Vegas recently. Oh, while you were skipping the first episode of the show. Oh, shut up. First weekly episode of the show. Yeah. Yeah, we went to a great bar and we all had our drinks. It's like, all right, I guess I got to get you over here and you over here.

Does this really matter? Is this really useful? If your glass touches mine i'm gonna spit in it that's my new rule i'm going like this yeah cheers and i'm tipping my glass in fact all the way back yeah so that if you try to you're gonna spill your that's what i'm gonna do i'm gonna do this little game called whack or i fuck up your glass bam yeah you should tell them well there's a new version of cheers Where we all spit in each other's glass

I'm gonna hold my I guess we don't need to cheers this time I'm gonna hold my glass like this Yeah With all my Like a spider An octopus With all my fingers

Hanging over the top Like an eagle claw So when you cheers me I'm just gonna stick fingers in your glass And they've all been up my ass Or someone's ass Mmm Let them know Let them know we got

to put an end to i mean toasting in general is a weird custom can we replace with something that doesn't involve touch can we have an affirmative nod to everyone it's not supposed to have touch yeah but women people who are ocd toasters they like hearing the clink so much. I wonder if it's like a... I don't know why. It's so funny to them. Yeah. Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Oh, I didn't get you! I like to think they're like Barbie dolls smashing them together to make them have sex.

Like, is that what they think's happening? The glasses are having sex? Yeah. Do you think the glasses are like meeting each other and having a good time? Yeah. Like, oh, the glasses are like Toy Story! Ah! Oh, you're transferring. Yeah, they come to life at night and go, he didn't clink me.

He didn't clink me. He doesn't love me, and he doesn't love me anymore. He probably fucking do. They probably do think that. Yeah, good. Fuck them. Who cares? Fuck them.

I'm going to break their glass. Yeah. Uh-oh. They should make glasses that have spikes on the outside. So if you want to avoid, you know, you can just shatter their glass and go, oh, I guess you're not going to toast any of it for the rest of the night i almost got in a fight with some australians at oktoberfest in munich because every time i thought every time we'd post they would lean over the table and try to smash their fucking glass into my beer jesus it's like god damn you

guys you're just following me or i feel like it's the same four australians following me around a beer of four guys descend on you and smash into it. Yeah, like my whole life. Like, oi! Over there, you're drinking a little Beasley Weasley, huh? I bought this for you. This is how we cheers down. Get the fuck away from me. I'm not cheersing you.

I'm going to drink it on the table like a dog. Get away from me. Yeah. Leave me alone. Leave me alone. That's my problem. That's the problem. Just leave me alone.

Just leave me alone, man. Just let me hold my sign back here. What do we call this problem, Dick? toast ocd toasters that gives us four problems i think for the week yeah yeah okay so what were your problems fake news oh yeah wow fake news and the dead friend lecture dead friend i mean i don't even know if you call him dead friend. Dead acquaintance. Not dead. How about long lost lecture? Long lost lecture. Beautiful.

The triple L. You got to come back on Sunday. I got so many things I want to talk to you about. I'll come in on Sunday. The Dick Show. Traumatic brain injury. I fucking hope that this that this is a little bit better uh keep doing those sudokus we'll see what other stories you've forgotten it's this right it's this right dick numbers go in the boxes. Numbers? Yeah. What are those? You've just drawn angry circles.

And OCD. Toasters. Stop filling it out with your poop, dick. I just write, I've just written in all the boxes, I've written lawsuit and damages. Lawsuit and like POE, OPE. You might have a case. We'll see. Okay, everybody.

This has been the biggest problem in the universe. Go to biggestproblem.show to vote on the problems. And go to patreon.com slash biggestproblem to support the show and to get our bonus episodes. Bonus episodes, and you'll get access to our Discord server. You can talk to us about our experiences. I'm in there now.

I'm in on the Discord. Yeah, I'm sitting chatting to people. So yeah, patreon.com slash biggestproblem. And thanks to everybody who made this a weekly show. You got us over the line and we're very excited. We love it. Should we read Super Chats now? No, we should do voicemails.

We're going to do voicemails first. And then we'll do Super Chats. Okay. And we have some other topics we might get into. We'll see. Oh, this is called jacking off at work. Let's see what that one's about. Hey, Tick. is called jacking off at work let's see what that one's about hey tick uh this is for the for the

the bonus episode for biggest problem why on earth is veto jacking off at work it's a long work day man why what kind of mental incapacitation would compel a human being to do that at an office? So he's looking at porn on the computer and then he just has to suddenly get up and run to the bathroom that's probably here to take a time.

I had to run to beat off at home. It's not diarrhea. That's insane. He didn't leave the workforce. He was definitely fired for being the office creepo. There's no way. I left.

I left of my own volition. A man that decides to jack off at his office. What a weirdo. Vito, that's disgusting. What's wrong with you? It's eight hours in front of a computer. You want to relax a little bit. Love it. Thank you. Also, the downstairs bathroom had

a shower, so I got to shower at work, too. That was great. Did you beat off in there? No, I'd save it for the deposit in the proper receptacle. I thought that was the proper receptacle. Yeah, maybe I did it in the shower. It's been like 10 years. They probably have some kind of semen detector

in the drain. Like a semen alarm. A semen seer. Like if you piss in the pool at a public pool, it turns all green. Yeah, I was always worried. I'm like, if they have the ability to check my internet history, I'm fired.

Which would have been good anyway. Dick, I have to say that Zito is a fucking idiot. Oh, yes. The whole Sieg Heil thing for the Nazis totally comes

from the Romans and from Caesar. There are white supremacists everywhere and all of their iconography is built around the Romans and stuff. That's why they call it the fucking Third Reich, because it's the third empire after the Romans. Everything about the Nazis, it's about being Roman. So Vito is a fucking idiot.

Like, man, I'm not not gonna say I'm a history buff Did I say it was different? I have no idea I'm saying I'm thinking You know I'm like it had a different context At the time

Cause you were saying You know those Those Romans were awful Because they were doing Nazi salutes And I'm like Back there it had a Back in that time

It had a different connotation No it was about Hitler Back in the time of the Romans Yeah it was a prophecy Of Hitler It was the prophecy of Hitler. Yeah. I think this guy misunderstood what I was saying.

He was one of their gods. He was going to come down. Yeah, they knew he was coming. They were all secret Nazis, the Romans. Not secret. They were right out in the open. Yeah, you were literally saying the Romans were basically the Nazi party. I was disagreeing with that.

August is a Nazi month. Yeah. Should be called something different. I don't accept that I'm an idiot. So is July Nazi month. Yeah. Should be called something different. I don't accept that I'm an idiot. So is July. I don't remember that conversation the same way. We should have a metric month system. Like it started.

Go back to just 10. Get those Nazi months out of there. Let's do one more. Can we do the... Shoot. This is for biggest problem. Oh. I'm sorry to keep bringing it up,

but not really because it's funny. Vito keeps missing the point of an apology uh-oh an apology instantly absolves you of all guilt instantly nothing else does that it's pretty cool and the cool thing is you don't have to mean it oh go fuck yourself oh should we talk about apologies real quick if you want to we can talk about it on sunday yeah well i do want to i do want to make my apology public at some point. So maybe on Sunday would be better. Let's try to read these super chats.

Yeah, scroll up to the top. Let's see if we can do them chronologically. Chronologically. Okay, go ahead. From Kevin McAllister. I like jokes. Thank you, Kevin. From Revere Soda with 10, what is that, euros.

Jokes aren't funny, especially not vetoes. Thank you. Rusty Spoon with $ 4.99 puts a picture of a stack of dollar bills well i appreciate that money money i appreciate that uh from j.s lang 4.99 says jokes are funny i agree hashtag don't we have a t-shirt right now coming yeah i like jokes i like jokes the t-shirt where do we get that uh you can buy it at shop.dick.show just because i already have this store up yeah it's going to both of us and i might be putting up a repent mother effort shirt on my own stupid where i make like a dollar a shirt because that good luck selling a shirt with motherfucker i was gonna

i was gonna put asterix you know i was gonna replace asterix because i know nobody wants to you know i have a mr girl t-shirt that's him holding a gun and below it says take off your panties and i told him like Bro I can't wear that shirt In public He's like yeah I gotta change that one I gotta change it to Take off your panties

Little girl Little girl yeah They're still coming after me For being friends with Mr. Girl But I love that guy Oh god fuck off It's so The cuties shit at this point

Like well actually Like oh Go fuck yourselves Dude yeah right now They're coming at me They're like Shut the fuck up Well actually all you guys Who like Vito Did you know that he defended at this point. Like, well, actually, we're like, oh, go fuck yourself. Dude, yeah, right now they're coming at me. They're like, shut the fuck up. Well, actually,

all you guys who like Vito, did you know that he defended cuties as free speech? Yeah, well, you don't do anything. You didn't defend anything or do anything. So suck my cock.

They're very jealous, it looks like. JS Lang with another $4.99. Bisexuals are funny. Dario Cambrin, $5. Weird to think that Dick is more expendable than his dog in terms of hospital bills your dog costs four thousand you only

cost four i have no problem with you're one tenth the worth of your dog and uh we have from cloud star five dollars antifa smurf smurfed the smurf out of you that's very true that is very true little fucker he really sucked and he stuck around i think i have footage of him like mad dogging you after trying to like yeah he changed clothes out of you he put a black gator on they call it we got any more here taking a look oh there we go from rich f five dollars took a three foot iron lever to the head at work four years ago i still feel like a decent chunk of my cognitive abilities are missing yeah uh the brain is a delicate organ man i mean hopefully you bounce back uh let's see wet band at five dollars the worst macho weathermen are the fat

guys that don't really realize the reason they don't get cold is because they're used to the cold i know why i get it uh we got lake embra dick draw a clock right now can you do it let's see let's see is that right did i draw it yeah you got it thanks you got there is that a clock that's a clock oh oh a clock yeah oh i see you got it that cock. Matt Barr, $5 despite being misinformed about the Underground Railroad. Fuck you. Vito has proven to be the best co-host in the universe. I'll take it. I'll take it. Nate Ring, $5. Vito, please unblock me. I have announced that because of my newfound

fame, anyone who's currently blocked by me on Twitter, find a way to contact me and in my, you know, infinite forgiveness, I will unblock you. I blocked a lot of you because you liked a tweet from a certain idiot lawyer calling You know, infinite, you know, forgiveness. I will unblock you. Right. I blocked a lot of you because you liked a tweet from a certain idiot lawyer calling me a pedophile. And I was like, yeah, I don't need you following me.

That's where you're at. We have, what is that? Our friend, $5. This is for Dick's hospital bill. Thanks. Hopefully he'll remember I gave it to him. Great job, Vito, on your redemption arc. It's not over.

I'm going to fuck it up somehow. Coach Cake, $5. When's Road Rage Phoenix happening? I don't know. I got to do a Road Rage now. I need my brain back. Yeah, that's true. He says you just skipped three.

Did I skip three? I think we got them all now. No. Was there any other? I don't think so. I think we got them. If I missed any Super Chats, please tell me. Oh, no. There it is.

Yeah. Sorry. Yoshi Guy, $35. $5. I think we got them. If I missed any super chats, please tell me. Oh, no, there it is. Yeah, sorry. Yoshi guy, $35, $5. I saw the video on V's channel. It said, holy crap, it's frigging Vito and Dick Masterson. Yeah, a lot of people were surprised to see. They were very excited to see us. Elbow, $25, $5. Netflix has to stream all your shows as part of the settlement.

Vito is slowly being radicalized. That's true. Matt C., Aussie, $5. How many more hits to the head until you stream us a banana three nights a week? A lot. I'll have to be like weekend at...

It's like weekend at Bernie's if I'm in a banana suit streaming at all. And I think that may be all of them unless one just came in. Scroll us down. No, we're good.

All right. Thank you, everybody, for supporting the show. We love you guys. Goodbye.