The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 138

Episode Date: April 27, 2024

I'm playing Final Fantasy this week. What, the new one? Yeah. Just playing that little card game in there. What are you gonna do? You're gonna unlock all the... Actually, I played the card game and then I had to play the piano. Have you seen the piano playing? Oh, I've seen the top thing. Like I missed like three and it's like,

oh, you don't get the top prize. I'm like, well, what the fuck? What's the top prize? I don't know. It might just be bragging rights. I'm bragging to whom? The little end game blind man who congratulates you on playing the piano who went,

that was some good playing son. Is he really? Yeah. He's an end game blind guy. There's an end game blind guy who stands next to the piano and he's like, Well, the piano is a very... Guess I'll go die. Hahaha! Yeah, it's always a blind piano guy, huh?

That's kind of a dumb stereotype. You know, it's not... I don't want to, like, sound like a jerk, but it's not that much harder to play piano blind. I used to practice in a studio like this with no windows, and I'd just shut the lights off and see if it made it better. Well, I think that's the point. It's not that much harder.

I think the belief is that, like, oh. It'd be harder to get to the piano place, the bar. But once you know where your hands are positioned, you can, you know. It's like playing a, it's like typing on a keyboard. Like, piano players aren't, they're not going like, oh, wait a minute Let me see where am I going here? Uh there? I don't know. I guess there's just the

It's always like that guy whose arm got cut off, and then he was still a drummer Everyone's like well that was actually that's hard. That's interesting But I guess everybody only wants to tell the story of the guy who's like he couldn't even see and he played the piano a blind guy A blind guy who doesn't play the piano now that stop. That's good. I like those guys Yeah, they made a whole movie about a deaf dumb and blind child playing pinball and people took it seriously I didn't get that as a kid. I figured I don't get up. I don't get it Why did you guys was this like a meme for you guys? The pinball wizard?

Yeah. Who fucking cares? You guys made a whole, like it would be one thing, it was just like a song. You know, like, oh, it's just like a funny song. It's like, no, we made a whole rock opera out of that. And you're like, why? What about this idea tickled your fucking fancy?

I want one of them to explain it to me, but I don't want to have to sit through it. When you ask a boomer to explain something to you, it's like 20 minutes of jokes, then maybe an explanation, and then 20 more minutes, 20 minutes of insults after that. It's always interesting to find out about all the failed comedy projects that were not around in your lifetime.

Like what? Like the entire Beatles Sergeant Pepper movie. No, wait, not Sergeant. Is it Sgt. Pepper? Sgt. Pepper Lonely Hearts Club. Yeah, that was like a theme album. But is that the one where, what's his name, the guy... Steve Martin plays Maxwell in a Maxwell silver hammer like sketch? Oh, now that I want to see. That's my favorite Beatles song. But he's like a doctor and he's running around and he's going,

Maxwell's the silver hammer! Aaaaaah! And you're like, this must have seemed like a really good he's running around he's going Maxwell's the silver hammer You're like this must have seemed like a really good idea when they were making it like whatever they wanted Could be as bad as you wanted and everyone was like that was awesome, man. Good job. It's really everything is great It's weird. They're like heart beeps for some reason heart beeps came up reason. I have watched that I've heard It's really bad. Oh, don't like not good at all No, and it totally ruined that guy's chance to ever make any any coffee Yeah, you're not allowed to make comedy movies, and he turned evil and Yeah, it's they took a bunch of funny comedians, and they made them act like robots Which is like they said oh, yeah, you know like the timing and the inflection and stuff yeah get rid of all don't do any of that

Okay, what about it, can I be expressive? No. You gotta stand there like this. It does sound- We watched it, we got like a minute and a half in, I'm like, why would they do that? Why would they do that? When you go- He's not acting like-

He's known for his expressive acting and comedic timing. Yeah, like, let's take all that away. Like, Laka, but do the eyes like normal Take all the you know funny stuff out of it somebody linked to her like a funny robot. Oh, yeah like Machine you know why I see the robot no movie though Why was cuz Star Wars came out and kids loved C3po and r2d2? Oh, yeah, so they were like oh Robot comedy is just gonna kill. They did that with the black hole too.

You ever see that? Yeah, I remember that. The floating stupid robots. Yeah. People took the wrong lessons away from C-3PO. Are you ready? Yes. Where's Harvey Weinstein when you need him, I guess you could say?

We're both thinking it. That's what we were talking about. He's on his way back. He's on the big swing back. Cause he's innocent Vito! Wrongful convictions! Voted up! Innocent! That was a bad, bogus trial!

You should save that for the voted up segment. I'll be saying it for the rest of my life. My ban on Hollywood, my boycottts over. I'm back to the line I'm Hollywood movies the Weinstein trial is an interesting thing because I mean another innocent man railroaded by the system Well, he was railroaded though. Interestingly like that was why he should be Such a huge load-off man, I can feel like I feel like I can Say he's still in jail. He's not getting out of jail. Wait, what? Yeah, I because he has two convictions

Did you not read the story at all? Why would I read the story? I don't care his New York conviction got tossed out but his California conviction is still on the books So he's still in there. Civil War. Yeah, that's how that movie starts. Yeah. Yeah, I saw that Civil War. No, I didn't see it. So he's still in jail? Yeah, he's still in jail, but I mean he's halfway to getting out. Cause of which court? New York or California? Cause of California. California still hasn't locked up. We gotta get him out guys. We've never been closer to total We've never been closer to it's not total Total total women total white boy summer. I'm summer does not kick off until Weinstein is free harassment summer

Take see these cards. Yeah, they're going I'm gonna throw them up in the air. You got me I haven't gotten one of those cards yet. I saw you got them This is if I'm on the subway as a woman, which I am, I can go up to an individual and I can hand them my I'm worried about being raped card. That's the woman card. Right. But then if you're doing the raping, you give them this card. And you go, I'm good. I got you.

It's like I got you. Yeah, I was going to say, like, isn't that would be a good move is to just hang out on the train and just go up to women all day and go, is that guy bothering you? And like kind of slip them the yellow card. You know, I'm an ally. It's got my name written on the train and just go up to women all day and go, is that guy bothering you? And like kind of slip him the yellow card. You know, I'm an ally. It's got my name written on the back of it. So it's got my number on there in case you. All right. Call me if the audio is off.

Call me. These are the new. Call me if the audio is too loud. This is Bart, right? Yeah, this is Bart. So this is Oakland, Mike. You can use them in any place where there's black people. You can use this.

This is my old stomping grounds. This is where that movie uh Bart's got a lot of crime. Well, all of San Francisco's got all that crime, but they made that movie fruitvale station cuz The Bart cops fruit veil. Yeah. Are you aware of that movie fruitvale station? No total male victory For the Weinstein situation Well, he's halfway free. Halfway free, bro. It's actually, I mean, it is what happened in New York. Again, it's one of these things where they go,

well, what did you do? And it's like, well, we just let a bunch of people come in. That's when you're the defendant, you go, right? No, no, no, he's talking about what did the prosecutors do? What were the prosecutors allowed to do? And the prosecutors go, well, we just got a bunch of people to say that he's like awful and bring up completely unrelated stuff like one time It was like the curb your enthusiasm trial

You know watch that show but literally just bringing in character witness after character witness going one time We went out for lunch, and he didn't pay for my sandwich and just like completely turn it last episode of Seinfeld, too Yeah, exactly. It was just they did that again and Kirby enthusiasm. Oh, you don't even know okay Yes, the final episode of Kirby enthusiasm, which we aired It's the same thing it's got a little bit of a twist, but I won't spoil it You do have to what you have to watch current. I don't watch they do a twist on the Seinfeld finale and they finally they they Say they redeemed it, but it's like well. It's still really bad We do on Seinfeld, but at least you can't read it a little something. You can't redeem it. Are you ready? I'm ready

Oh, yeah The biggest problem in the universe! Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe. The only show that ranks every problem in the universe from white knight hysteria to the fake news cafeteria. That's not a good rhyme at all. Marco Romanocca, you suck. Fucking fail. Your host, Nick Madsen, joining me as always is Vito Giswoldi. Wow, what a week.

Comedian, big shot. Big shot. Vito Giswoldi, who killed it at Josh Denny's show. Opening for world famous comedian Josh Denny. Yeah. One of three openers. How'd you feel about that? Well, I went, this might go, I don't know, I felt like, here's the thing, I do my act like in the car when I'm driving around, right?

You do? Well yeah, you're practicing, so you like go over it. And I go, man, this is funny in my head. I don't know if anyone's going to respond to it, but it works for me. It did, it was great! It went much better than a... I think that might be the most successful stand-up night I've had in... ever. Yeah. I think, yeah. the most successful stand-up night I've had ever. Yeah. I think, yeah. Yeah.

Not that every joke was like 100%, but honestly all the jokes that failed were the ones that I went, I probably got to work more on that one. But the ones that I was like, if this doesn't work, I have no idea what I'm doing and they actually worked, I went, all right. What was the one that failed the most, do you think? I don't know, it was hard to tell. I really wanted my Dave and Buster's thing to go a little harder But I think I told it on where I go

You know who would be the happiest man on earth obviously the man who invented Dave and Buster's yeah So I looked him up his name's James Corley Buster and in 2023 he shot himself in the fucking head so in the fucking head. So... Okay. That's a... All the ideas, it's like... It's not a joke though.

Well the joke is that man's entire life was prizes and skee-ball and chicken wings and he fucking killed himself so how are any of the rest of us gonna be happy? You know what you gotta do? Here's that joke. Yeah. At the end, play a slide whistle. There. Yeah.

That's... It was a good lead in to the Cosby stuff though because the Cosby lead-in got a big laugh My Cosby stuff did my Jared stuff the Jared stuff's great the Jared stuff went what was probably the best part I don't think there was a part of the Jared stuff that did not land. Yeah. Yeah, so I had a great job I'm looking forward to that footage. I saw some black women storm out Well, Josh then he started talking about how gay black people are because they're stealing empty purses Well, Josh, I know before we went into the show. He's like You know I talk about it. What I wanted to do on the show

He's like I'm going to say the n-word. Yeah once He'd any uh no he went he did it Under promise and he over delivered. Well he said, I don't know if I'm spoiling this, he's like, well when I was up there, I was kind of riffing around, you know, and I found myself in a certain part of the joke, so I said the N-word again, and I think it worked just as well. I'm like, well I'm glad you took that. It always works.

That's not the question. The question is whether or not the black women in the back of the room are going to walk. They were already pissed off though. Yeah well. They weren't getting enough attention. It was an interesting crowd. Some of the crowd was like our guys and his guys. Some of the crowd was like the local.

Oh let's go to the bar and get sliders and there's going to be jokes. There were four women sitting right in the front. I was like come on. There was a front. I was like, come on. What is the, what's the deal here? There's a lot, there's more women than expected. I noticed when Carl Spatale was doing his Morgan Freeman explaining how a transgender penis is made from a strip of your leg flesh rolled up into a tube.

The two blonde girls sitting next to me were like, is that really what they do? And I went, yes, that is correct. Talking during the, you know. They were talking. Is that really, they do and I went yes, that is that is talking during them You know they were talking is that really yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? They had that a lot really had to get that out, huh? Well, I look at that. They just never they never there's some type of woman that never fucking stops talking during stand-up It's weird. It's like they're in their own little like zone They just cannot have someone else get attention

What was my mind was Josh the one who was talking about love on the spectrum that that TV show or whatever? I think it was right. Yeah, cuz then they went oh my god I love that show and then had a 20-minute conversation next to me about how much they love love on the spectrum And I'm like, you know, he's still telling jokes It's not just have anyone a comedian doesn't just stand up there to prompt you with Conversation topics then take away cards against humanity bitch My favorite one is Roland. Oh my god. I have no fucking idea to shut up that half I was at another show and I didn't even notice but I had my hand had crept up and strangled her to death now in a similar situation

It's a common problem. Happy state my life strangling women anyway Good job. And then the first thing you said when I said you should do this more is why would I do that? Well, I just want to be a maybe if I'm a headliner Okay, so what I said, I'd say that shut up something like that. I did not say that I said the problem is that you know we're in LA So if you want to do stand-up you end up going to all these open mics Oh, yeah, I hear a lady be like well the first time my father raped me was the happiest day of my oh my god And then my vagina was bleeding all over the place.

Yeah. And there'll be a bunch of... And then if you tell the trans joke, you get kicked out. You see Mr. Girls' post about he wants to do standup? I didn't see that, no. He said, I want to do standup, so I went to a local standup thing, and I said, are there any rules?

I did see this. And the lady there said, There's no room for hate speech. You're not allowed to do hate speech. He's like, well, like, for example, would Dave Chappelle be allowed to perform here? And she's like, no. He's like, well, OK.

Then that means you can't do any jokes, basically. And then she said to stop asking me questions. I don't want to do your emotional labor. Would Hitler be able to perform here? Why does he ask the things that he asks? Well, he wants to know. Dave Chappelle's level of comedy is not allowed. able to perform here. Why does he ask the things that he asks? Obviously, obviously, if they're saying no hate speech, you go... Dan Shabelle's the biggest comedian in the fucking world, probably, and if you can't do his act, then what can you do? Nothing. He can't even do his act. He got fucking stabbed.

Have you ever been... You've been to these these open mics I'm sure at some point. So a long time ago, yeah. They're terrible. Yeah, they're terrible. They're terrible on multiple levels, not even just boredom. It becomes cringe where you're like, oh, this guy's dying up there and he does not have an act. Yeah.

And then you'll go and die because there's no energy in the room because everyone is tired of listening to bad comedians. You're right, I take it back. You shouldn't do them. Stand up. What's the point? I don't know. I mean, there must be a way to do it. Do it as part of the live shows orians. You're right, I take it back. You shouldn't do them. Stand up. What's the point? I don't know. I mean, there must be a way to do it.

Do it as part of the live shows or something. It's fun. Okay. I'll figure it out. Ready? Yes. Guys getting in fights over women, Kermie. Wow.

One. Did you see the thumbnail I made for that episode? Yeah. It's pretty good. It's great. Hahaha! Mmm! Oh! Mwa!

Boobie! Hehehehehe! You do a better one than me. Uhhh... Time Vampires, number two, Boogie. I got two, I'm hammering Eastlives, that's why. He nailed me. I mean, but I handed you that problem, because that was basically my problem.

He should have done it. Yeah. But, Boogie's dangling those... What was that thing? ...video games over your head. You can't talk shit about him He's like ms. Havish him and your pip Vito come face time me so that I may see your youthfulness Vito I bet you fancy my knees. He does not send me expectations jokes

He said he had 3ds games and he still didn't send me a picture of those. I know what you're doing It was pretty good at the stand-up when you and Josh tried to take a credit for my fantastic I get too much respect Rodney's Andrew Field character and I of course had to remind you that was basically my bet. Yeah, which is fine You should You should write down things that you deserve credit for. Keep a list. They deserve a lot of credit for a lot of things.

Let's see, fake food freakouts. I don't even remember what that one was. People who think food is plastic. Yeah, and then religion in schools. Oh man, you got, was that negative? Oh, you got a big trout sereno. I think it's because I put the word religion in it. People are sick of your

I said Ron DeSantis is a gay agenda. Maybe I would have done better Oh cuz he has those shoes. Yeah, what is with that? He's gay if you would have said he's not the kind of gay that is like Partying and doing drugs and being cool and fun. He's the kind of gay that like, just married a woman for some reason. Yeah. And had sex with her to make kids and then needs to wear high-heeled boots

to live with himself. If you're gonna, okay, like, so if this success. Look at me, I'm in the Air Force or the Navy or whatever. Look at me. Oh yeah, he was in the Armed Forces but in like a really gay job, right? Navy I think yeah, but he was like he was like ag I think I think he was like like a PR officer or something I get to wear a white pamphlets. He wasn't on fight nobody DeSantis you mean killing or fighting anything? Okay, we have no fighting anybody for a long time

All right. Oh, he's a lawyer. Yes, Jag maybe lawyer. Hi I'm here to investigate the disappearing wieners on this submarine boys. I'm Ron DeSantis. I never watched Jag I never is there a lot of lawyering to do every day in the very anti-semitic Wait, you gotta yeah, they do a lot of murdering, so there's quite a bit of lawyering to do. But what's the- Slavery and murdering is kinda their job, so yeah. What's the youngest you can become a lawyer? Like, 26? No, I don't think there is a- Well, law school's what? Has there ever been a Doogie Howser but a lawyer show?

Like a 15 year old that busts everyone's balls? No, because he would have to go to law school for like four years at least. What if you just take the bar? You can still do that. You can do that now in some states. There are some states where you can just take the bar, that's true. That's a good show. Doogie Lawyer. Next to each other.

Kid Lawyer. Fat Pizza Ripoff Show. Fat Pizza Ripoff Show. Shut up, you didn't know that show existed until somebody else brought it up. I read it in the comments. Just because other shows have involved pizza. What's that show? Three Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Blazer? Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Blazer?

Pizza shows have existed. Yeah. Fuck, I was gonna say something and I don't remember. Malachi says, you come to me on the day of my wife's buffet and the V veto Corleone voice was fucking gold bread man says dick's awful sci-fi sound effect was hilarious oh did I do I have that still I think that was the right button but no oh no how do you lose there because I'm doing all this stuff I'm in it's

terrible transition you know what that what that sound means, right? Oh, if I press switch, look at that. Huh. Oh, you have a switch on there that switches? I guess, I gotta get rid of that though. Yeah, that's not good. That's not, I'm gonna fuck that up mid-show and I'll never get it back.

Yeah. What? There, okay. Fuzzy Butterball says, The reason banks have woke people is because conservatives are too stupid and uneducated to work at the banks. Okay. Interesting. Nashmoni says,

Vito's take on civil rights is worse than actual racism. How's that? Your take on civil rights is the worst take on civil rights than actual racism. How's that? Your take on civil rights is the worst one. Get rid of them. Yeah, exactly. Why am I the one taking shit for this? That's just normal racism. Yours is worse than-

Mine is worse because it's more steps. I guess. I don't know, he didn't elaborate, which is exactly what I prefer. I want to keep some protections in place. Vesuis Yoas says, I feel so involved. Every time Veto says we, I like it, but I don't like that every timeyo says, I feel so involved, Vito. Every time Vito says we, I like it, but I don't like that every time he says that I feel involved in some liberal shit.

Well, we're all doing our best. SlamJam, Vito, Jesus, what is your goddamn problem with ROM hacks? Pokemon has never been deep. What the fuck difference does it make playing fan projects that are straight up better than the originals over some subversive Unity engine based piece of shit? I don't know man, how much harder... Pokemon is not a complex game to program.

What? What do you know about programming? I know that... I know a little bit. I did a little bit of programming. What'd you do? I don't know. I took like basic programming in high school. I could make a character walk around a screen and trigger a random battle or whatever the- Really? Yeah. How much do you want to bet that you could not-

Not now! I could do it. I'd have to refresh myself on the fucking syntax and shit. How long would it take you to do that, do you think? To what? To get a character to walk up, down, left, right? Yeah. A week. Less than a week. A up, down, left, right? Yeah. A week. Less than a week. A week!

Not even a week. A day. No way. A day to have a screen and have a guy walking around? Depends what you're using now. Now there's all these programs that it's built in. It's ready to go. Okay.

What are we going to build it in? Like fucking Visual Basic? Cobalt. I don't even know what that is. You could build it in like fucking Visual Basic. Cobalt. I don't even know what that is. Ivar says, Vito's favorite chemical health drink Prime is facing a class action lawsuit, as it had three times the amount of permanent cancer

causing chemicals in one drink compared what you get from water in a lifetime. But is that for the sports drink or the energy drink? Because they're two different things. Oh, do you know? I think it's the sports drink or the energy drink because they're two different things. Oh Do you know I think it's the sports drink because nobody's gonna be sure about that Everybody goes I tried the energy. Yeah, look it up check. If it's the energy drink. I'm stupid Okay, what's the sports drink? It's a big Gatorade looking fucking thing. It's Gatorade. It's just Gatorade. Well, let's say it's paywalled

So I guess we'll never know it's got a picture. Oh look prime hydration. Yeah, that's the fucking that's the Gatorade? It's just Gatorade. Well, it's Paywalled, so I guess we'll never know. It's got a picture- oh look, Prime Hydration. Yeah, that's the fucking, uh, that's the Gatorade. Prime Hydration. Yeah, that's not what I'm drinking. So you're fine. Okay. Unless it's got the same stuff in the energy drink. You're drinking the energy drink.

I'm drinking the- Prime Energy, not Prime Hydration. Alright, Ivar, you look fucking stupid. Idiot. Fucking. Moron. Not smoke, since I think you guys are kind of dismissive of the buffet salad bar. The amount of control is great and you can load up on deviled eggs and minced bacon. What the fuck? Where do you get deviled eggs in a salad bar?

At a salad bar? No. I've never seen deviled eggs at a salad bar. The dressings are usually solid. Dressings? What the fuck? Solid dressings? That guy sounds way fatter than me. Are you homeless? What the fuck?

I have never once in my life said, hey, you know what? The dressings are solid. Ugh, they're just cream and Thousand Island and Ranch. What are you talking about? Also, I'm the kind of guy where I pick a salad dressing and that's it. I'm a blue cheese guy. That's it. I'm not mixing and mashing

my dressing. How many mixes and matches are there? I might do Caesar. If I'm doing a Caesar salad a Caesar salad get a Caesar if it's like a light thing I'll do like an oil and vinegar, but sampling like are you mixing up all the Dressings yourself selection on tap that they have here compared to what restaurants charge for salads you get your money's worth Are you? Talking about what restaurants charge for salad meat it's

way better for your like fucking budget you're filling up on lettuce what are you talking about just get a salad yeah okay user I don't know man these these past two podcasts have really made me not like veto good I'll still probably watch because I think he's kind of funny. But man, his weird animal abortion combined with his attitude with holding people's money hostage with refunds is something else. I need to make this clear. This is the double down PR that I've heard so much about.

Stop trying to have a parasocial relationship with the funny guys who do the podcast. You don't have to like me. You don't have to like Dick. Yeah, you have to like me. OK, sure, like Dick. What do you mean? What's not likable about?

Don't put us together. Just watch the show, and if the show's funny, have a good time. But people go, oh, I really thought I liked Vito. I don't know you. You don't know me. Can you say it like, I don't know you. You don't know me. Can you say it like, you don't know me? You don't know me.

This sounds like cope though, cause in the beginning of the show, you were like, I love you. I'll be your friend. I am very grateful to everyone who listens to the show, but we get into this weird fucking thing, which maybe I'll talk on more later where people go, Oh, I really thought Vito was gonna lose the weight. It's like who cares my life It doesn't it doesn't affect. I thought you were gonna lose the weight. I'm not going to well

What am I should I go just like oh, I guess that's it then why well you maybe have like some vested interest I guess why are they not invested in each other? So what's the difference? I'm just saying it's this parasocial This doesn't matter just live your life if you don't like the guy on the podcast Go I'll go watch mr. Beast everybody likes him. He doesn't have a fucking personality No, we're gonna tell you to kill a baby. He's got a trans person on though now That's true like I don't know about this guy honestly That's the funniest thing that ever happened to MrBeast, because the one time he has to confront anything real in that entire sphere,

and I know MrBeast, when he found out his friend was trans, I know that he went, oh god damn it. Because I can't just fire him, slash her her so now I gotta deal with this shit I know that because mr. Beast only thinks about kids Like wait a minute what this isn't just you're going trans alright I mean we'll deal with it are you going trans and you got fucking kids yeah, okay? I guess I got no opinion on that bad. I know mr. Beast only thinks in dollars and cents Oh, man, this is gonna make it hard to sell chocolate bars

Mr. Beast only thinks in dollars and cents and you went oh man, this is gonna make it hard to sell chocolate bars So you can go get that there's plenty of that out there there's plenty of guys who's gonna go hey guys It's goofy guys. There's me and I go daughter down the aisle I have no morals and I'm a big fat piece of shit, and I don't care stop trying to like me That's not the show. That's it. That's literally the show though. I buddy you're just friends with people on the podcast That's like I know that there's a level of that, but some people like got a little too in their fucking head I don't know well Do you know these inputs pressure on me where I'm like I gotta be likable now I gotta be you should wait you you you should have that pressure no

Cuz I'm not an entertainment. I'm not like that. That's I know that I'm not- You're in entertainment though! I'm not likeable! You should have that! I know that I'm not likeable! You were! Then you're talking about aborting pigs and stuff. I was not likeable prior to that either. You made me pro-life! Good! So I've inspired people. And I hate people!

Okay. I'm not out- Look. There's also, guys, there's an element of like- Oh, you're doing a bit? See then I don't want to spell out for people that some parts of the show we might exaggerate things for comedic effect But whatever So how do we know we know because if we don't like what you're saying it's a joke and if we the only real thing The only real veto Giswoldi project is super killer

Oh, I thought it was done next week. Oh fuck I'm gonna it ends next week. You promise something under the fucking month yet I'm counting down why then I don't have to hear about go to super killer.org. I didn't bring it up for months I'm only bringing it up because it's the end of the campaign! And it's gonna be pretty pretty good. I saw you making stickers. Yeah, those stickers are gonna be great. It's like Well, Shona revolver. That's the name of the revolver. You haven't seen that? That's gonna be the name of the publishing company. Shota revolver? Shonen Revolver. What's gotta be the name of the publishing company. Shota Revolver? Shonin Revolver.

What's that? Are you aware of... The Ronin? It stands for boy, young boy revolver. Young man, young man revolver. It's my young man comic company. And... Are you aware of Shonen Jump?

Isn't that revolver is like a metaphor for the penis? Sure, maybe it's just... Little boy penis is the name of your company? That's the name of my company. That's cool. No, it is cool. It's uh, what do you call it? It's like, you know Shonen Jump is the premier comic magazine in Japan. No, I didn't know that.

So what uh, Dragon Ball Z and Naruto and all that shit, it's all inside of Shonen Jump is the premier comic magazine in Japan. No, I didn't know that. So what, Dragon Ball Z and Naruto and all that shit, it's all inside of Shonen Jump. Okay. And then there's a Japanese band called Shonen Knife, which you may have heard of. I've heard of a band called Shoddy's Nuts. Yeah, that's a good one too. Have you ever heard of them?

So I, they host the Dragon Balls too, only two of them. Well, I wanted to take Shonen plus a weapon. Balls all of course. There's the Beatles album revolver There's a lot of different things playing into it. All right, that's my comic imprint shonen revolver And we may be publishing other people's comics under that Tony from movies Tony's got a big head comic where it's just trying to fit his whole like a monster at the end of this book Every page is Tony Paluso trying to fit his head in the page, and he's like it's like a kid's book right hey kids My name is Tony My name is Tony

I'm trying to fit my whole head and one page of this book if you can help me out and the next page almost got it Here, but you can see my chin won't fit well. That's too far kids Well, maybe you guys could have a show with the adventures of big head and tiny face and see how that works out for you That's a good book. That would be a good book. Hey. How's that silly pants skating routine coming along? What? Everyone keeps telling me to ask you about it. I'm just doing it with the fans. Unfunny fans. Talk about parasocial. Alright, well I'll leave. I'll stay away from the topic of some sort of rule. I was right about to start, but my Patreon went under $20,000 again.

It's under $20,000? Yeah, and I just had a great bonus episode with Carl. I saw that you did a bonus episode. And I did a bonus episode of my show. So it's totally, I guess people don't want the skating routine. I was just about to do it. Yes, he was right. I saw it was just about to do it. I saw the skates. I ordered some skates the wheels light up when you go on them. Yeah. But that's that's fine. If people don't want it, they don't want it. I like the recurring shitting on Tony's giant head segment because I know he watches the show. After

the last show he went, well I was watching my favorite podcast and He's gotta watch from one eye Then they devoted a minute to shedding on my giant Italian head Lance Balls says, Nerdradix said that him attacking Mark Hamill's granddaughter was just a joke Dude that's literally what the Miss Piggy picture was, a joke, but you're still acting like a biatch over it Just Eric released the print numbers for Yaira. That's exciting. Oh, wow. He's finally understood when everybody's been telling him

stop printing a bajillion copies. Just wait to get orders and then print the comic. And now fire your friends. And now? Yes. And then negotiate out of your warehouse lease. Every, OK, everyone goes, man, Vito and Dick have been trying to destroy Eric's business. Yes, and then get out negotiate out of your warehouse lease every okay Everyone goes man Vito and dig I've been trying to try Eric's business like by giving him advice that he eventually

Follows after arguing with us about it for six months. Yeah Forgive your father for leaving you that's not that's that's pretty nice. That's less pretty high That's the 12th step and the admitting dick was right process. Settle that dumb lawsuit, stop over printing, and now fire your friends and uh... Forgive your dad. And get a smaller warehouse. For leaving you. And dump all that extra product on the... Drop that fake accent.

Dibbidi dibbidi, jeepers cleavers, hillway gold out in the riverboat. You can't take away a black man's fake accent. That's how all those guys get with a man. I've read the news. I could do take away whatever I want. From... Black men? Yes. I didn't want to say it. Well, that's how it goes. Randesl says, I think Vito and Dick's political disagreements are actually the greatest strength of the show. Well, thank you very much. I'm sure you'll have... I would say that that is one of the strengths of the show. That's all I got for comments. Well, thank you very much. I'm sure you'll have. I would say that that is one of the strengths of the show.

That's all I got for comments. Well, that's great, cause I have a very exciting segment. I like to call Vote It Up. George is on a vacation far away. But biggest problem isn't over. So many problems I wanna say. Me who likes the boys a little bit younger I'm just gonna vote it up tonight

I was waiting to see how he was gonna make that work. Yeah, me too. You just gotta vote it up tonight That is the most low energy version of that chorus I've ever heard. You guys gotta tell me which parts are AI when you send in songs. Oh yeah, a lot of them are AI and it sucks. Tell me if the lyrics are not AI, I'll play it. But if the whole thing's AI, I don't give a shit.

A lot of guys have been like, hey I made a new AI song. I'm like, well we're not gonna play that. I know it's AI because I'll open the DM and there's 50 songs. Hey, check this out. Hey, check this. Hey, check this out. Hey, check. All right. Not to call anybody out, but I said, oh, somebody's got to make Here's to You,

Mrs. Nerd-erotic in the style of, what do you call it, Garfunkel and Oats. OK. Here's to you, Mrs. Nerd-erotic. And somebody went, I did it. And they sent me an AI song that's like, Mrs. Nord right a con a boat and I'm like No, you completely missed the point of what I was trying to do like what you said Like it's not exactly what you wanted I'm like no I wanted like a parody Guys, welcome to voted up this segment where were you visit past problems to you, you know, like

Come over here. Separate from everyone else. I won't call him out by name, but I was like, you have failed the assignment drastically. This is completely not what I wanted. That's the worst thing about AI songs. It's like AI art, you can just look at it and discard it right away with the song and like, oh. Is this gonna be good? It's gonna take me 20 seconds to figure out if this is AI, man.

And then you get into it and it doesn't make any sense. This is the segment where we revisit past problems and put them in a new light. And Dick, if you can bring up my Twitter real quick, I've got two stories here. Now this is gonna be an interesting one. From all the way back in bonus episode number seven, so that would have been the first year of the show. That's like two, three years ago. Okay. Alright, here I'll try to find it.

I got a number of things here. Okay, this is going to be a clip. Okay, so the problem from a bonus episode number seven was the fear of drag. Yeah. This is the idea. That turned out to be right right now. They've gone way too far Yeah, who's gone too far the child molesters I mean there's still there still needs to be like some understanding of like listen some drag is just fun And it's not a big deal But not for the audience none of its fun for the audience. You could have a fun drag show Have you ever been to one?

No, because, you know... I mean, if it's men pretending to be women, the problem is that they're not trying to offend women. They're trying to be women. That's a big problem. Let's throw our own drag show. If we did a drag show... Dooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Everybody look at me! Yeah, like, why are there no videos of like drag queens trying to change a tire and like failing and getting grease off? Oh my god! Yeah, that would be good. What's he doing at the best drag show that's ever been done in history?

How come there's no jokes? And now on stage, the menstrual queen. that's ever been done in history. Eeeh! Eeeh! How come there's no jokes? Shhh. And now on stage, uh, the menstrual cycle. Thank you very much. Bwaah! Bwaah! That would be good. Uh, a drag queen! Why am I so bloated?

Bwaah! Well, this is a, this story hits close to home for me because a recent, what's your drag name huge cunt Wow, I ever got kicked out of UCB with this kind of material They ate it out can I get a suggestion drag queens? month they ate it out can I get a suggestion drag queens women well maybe we should maybe we should make it happen a video of the no kids molested either no kids got molested in a UCB. That's a good try Dragger.

Hold on hold on hold on I want to set up. A video of the queer story time for Palestine event was organized by the Valley Families for Palestine group at the Northampton Center for the Arts in Amherst, Massachusetts. My hometown. Although actually, I guess I should point it out that this story from Fox News got it wrong. Why would this be in Amherst, Massachusetts if it's at the Northampton Center for the Arts? You retards. This is clearly North Hampton, Massachusetts, which is a few towns over. But this made perfect sense. Somebody sent this to me. They said, wasn't this where you used to live? I went, yep. This is the exact reason I fucking left. Cause this shit was

going on. I probably do. I don't know. I don't know. Is there know is their non drag thing drag queen known as little miss hot mess Who is gonna give these kids an inspiring? Okay, go go what we say. This person has no stage presence. I could do a better job of yelling getting kids to do gay stuff and this fucking person Supported Valentine gay? Well, they're not even doing like a fun drag voice. You gotta do like the big drag, but you know, okay kids today We're going to chant free Palestine That's a gay voice though. That's basically what they're doing. What is a drag voice if not that?

It's not, no it's not gay. Okay boys. Okay stop. It's gotta be like a lady voice. Yeah it's like a lady voice. I guess you don't wanna talk to kids that way though. No you, I don't wanna be doing any of this with kids. Well, all I know is if anybody wants to know what it was like-

How the fuck are the parents just sitting there with little hot... ...painters? Well, because what happens in this town that I grew up in is that all these little shithill liberal families, and half of them are like college professors, because again there's like 50 colleges everywhere. Okay. And they go, well, oh my god, there's going to be a drag queen speaking to... Again, this is the Valley Families for Palestine, so this is a some sort of group that my retarded hometown put together because they have to be obsessed

with anything that's going on. Yeah. Do they have Jews out there in your town? Yeah, but they're still here. Not as much as they do out here. Yeah, no, they don't really. Yeah, yeah, that's the difference. Not a lot of Jew stuff going on.

This is white liberals with Jews, Hollywood. Yeah. Without Jews, you got whatever this shit is. That's a lot of wasps. This is a lot of wasps. I'll tell you that right now. This is white liberals with with Jews Hollywood without Jews you got whatever a lot of wasps. There's a lot of wasps I'll tell you that right now no couple Jews, but mostly wasps and

Yeah, they'll just they would just put together again My hometown has reparations for black people a tiny little fucking college community and they go we need reparations How do you get them? I guess they just tax you and then they give menthols Yeah, you free menthols you go and you pick them up at the they just tax you and then they give them... Free menthols? Yeah, free menthols. You go and you pick them up at the community center. Drop a penny, leave a penny?

You stack the menthols at every gas station? No, they don't even give them to individual black people though. They use them to fund black events or something. That's cheating. Prisons. Yeah, they use them to fund the prisons. I heard on the radio today, I was driving to the UPS box and they're reading the news and they're like, Biden's delaying the menthol ban in the hopes to not upset black voters.

And I'm like, did I just, did a newsman just say that? That's extremely inappropriate. It is true though. It is what's going on. Yeah, Biden should have not done, look man, We need the black vote. Let them keep their fucking cigarettes Yeah, anyway, that is a fear of drag currently number 647 with 278 down votes so you all apparently hate the drag queens and I understand it Second one and this is a terrible one. I am afraid of them if I see one pop it out of the bar

I'm like we're out of here. They're about to bust into a four hours. You'll never get back I think the problem is I think they were like when it started There's probably some drag queens that it was fun, and then everybody started doing it now. It's just karaoke Yeah, and black eyes twerking. Yeah, this isn't drag This isn't funny it. There's no like vaudeville humor here. It's just gratuitous Yeah, sexuality. It's the lack of a lot of these problems with entertainment come down to lack of effort I mean we're talking about the Terrible open mics the stand-up. Uh-huh. It's like guys aren't putting in the effort

And I think a lot of these guys they go I just dress up as a lady. That's funny, right? It's like no you gotta do like stupid lady stuff you know something like yeah I don't know well they're fucking it up this problem is terrible I don't know why I brought it in but somebody suggested it is from episode 73 Adam Sessler was the problem and now our good friend Adam Sessler has unfortunately been driven off of Twitter After He's been fighting social media suicide. He social media suicide. He deleted his Twitter account I don't know if it will be back. Adam Sessler tweeted this and got a lot of flack for it

He says I had an epiphany talking about these Palestine protests. He's very pro-israel I believe Adam Sessler is a Jewish gentleman, which is great Says I had an epiphany these protesting kids are pretty much Trump voters. They sure as shit ain't voting for Biden So I feel towards them like any Trump voter fuck them if the cops bust their teeth and fine At the end of the day, they hate me and wish me harm not wringing my hands And then he got called like a genocider my hands and then he got called like a genocider they were calling him a genocidal scumbag so he changed his username to Adam genocidal scumbag and they said you know what I'm out of here fuck this shit and I get it Twitter's

successful and look we love Adam Zinus taking a lot of hits online Zionists are having a bad time these days they're trying to talk their way out of it's not working for some reason. Yeah, the uh... Why is this working? Come on! You know, they're like Trump, and they hate me, and the cops bust their teeth out. Guys, who's with me? What's going on?

Guy getting an Oscar. Actually, I'm Jewish. Fuck Israel. No, no, no. Come on, come on, guys! We're all friends here. It's a complicated situation. Don't you hate Muslims like me? There's good points on both sides. But unfortunately Adam Sessler has left Twitter. We'll see if he comes back.

He said he'd come back on the show at some point and we want to get him back. He's currently number 195 with 326 upvotes, so the audience believes he's a problem. Why don't you consider voting it up? Well there's Zionists in the audience. Again, I think that's another problem of mine. Expecting Jews to not be Jews. That was my problem. What do you think Out of Processors is gonna say?

Come on! Say that a little slower for me, please. Vito likes his boys a little bit younger. Shonen Revolver. Give me that Shonen Revolver, kid's a cool. Logo. You see that logo You've posted like a billion different versions of that logo. That's the good one. What's it for? It's gonna be like on okay like what you get an image comic. It has the image comic logo on it like an eye Are you asking me to tell you what the image logo is yeah, it's an eye. Yeah, yeah

Yeah, when you buy it like DC It's like exactly it's like the DC Comics logo would go on every DC comic is the magazine gonna have it well if I do a Are the plushies gonna have it the plushies will not have it. How do I know it's a genuine? Shown in revolver flesh line point on the tags for the plushies were a Manufactured before I think it does it might say Shonen Revolver on there. Okay. I'm not sure. My problem is...

Don't fuck with my fucking logo. That's a great logo. You need a unifying brand identity. You know how I made my dick show logo? Your website sucks. Your branding sucks. Look at our... Okay, see how our overlay has like the nice logo

for the show and each of our names? And you go to the dick show thing, there's like this MS Paint thing of like your fucking head. I just took a, I went to font finder, and put the Patreon font in, and then I just typed the dick show. It looks like dog shit. So people would think about Patreon when they saw my dick show.

You see how nice our thumbnails are, and it's got us cut out, it's got the logo. My thumbnails are great. I don't even see your thumbnails anymore because Your show's not on YouTube anymore. Do you put thumbnails on the rumble? No, so what do you make a thumbnail? Like Twitter and stuff, you know, just zazzy And then Patreon took like you can't put thumbnails on there anymore either. Yes. Why did you do that? Why did you take the thing off? Well, it'll auto load the YouTube thumbnails

It does not allow the rumble ones if you embed them it might I just hate using rumble so much I don't want to go back and Put my sitting on my level of effort when you're like, oh, I just do it's not too much I'm the collection over too much effort more than no effort. I'm gonna say that it is the right amount of effort and frankly, there's other guys making stuff that aren't putting in enough effort. Who?

I'll say Eric Jilai is a... That was an easy one. Who are you thinking about? No, no, no, no, no, no. What I'm gonna say, I was gonna compliment Eric Jilai. I like the spines on his books. They look good. Oh, OK.

So whoever's doing the graphic design of that at least know that part. He's got that little flag in the top right that tells you which number it is. Amazing. Do you leave enough room in case he gets like, you know, five figures? Well, the problem is that sometimes he doesn't always put the flag on the cover and I go, you've established a branding standard. You got to run with it on every issue. You can't not use it on some. I saw okay I saw It's I saw him and then in the top right there's a one right I guess and then I saw him

Issue number two should just say I saw him with a two in the top right squared I saw him squared and he does that for some of them cute But some of them it says I saw him with a big red two next to it I'm like well I saw him too. I saw him too the sequel yeah That would be like the second arc, but you're still in I saw him one part two not you're not in I saw him two You're in I saw him one Part two act two yeah first blood I saw him first blood so I'm very upset the I saw him too Look, I went. What are you doing? Okay? you're not gonna have any of these issues right now. You're never making a second comic is that making I'm gonna be making like 12 comics

It's gonna be great No one believes me, but you're gonna see Once I knock look right now. This is all groundwork and it's knocked out and then what and then I never have to do all this stuff again It's already ready to go all the templates are set up All the stickers are ready to go all the plushy designs will be ready to go if I want to make more in the future I know exactly which vendor I can go to and how I can get right now I'm negotiating with like 12 different vendors and wherever else getting it all knocked out. Okay, it's gonna be turnkey operation I can't wait.

My problem is UFO conspiracies, I guess. Who do you, skeptic? Because, I don't like to say skeptic because that makes people think that UFOs aren't retarded and aliens and stuff. Because skeptic is like, you can be skeptical of something. But I'm like, what's a word for like dismissive but with like condescending, condescending dismissive.

That's what I am. Sneering hatred. Sneering, hateful, yeah. The same. Yeah, not skeptic though. Right. Because skeptic will listen and wants to argue with you about it.

You want to hurt these people for how stupid they are. I'd like to pull a rope and they go, booo! I saw Tucker Carlson on. And then somebody takes a video of it and they go, hey, what the fuck is that thing flying there? Tucker Carlson's on Joe Rogan, you know, after the COVID people and liberals are going, COVID people shutting down the world and wearing a mask

is totally scientifically retarded. Yeah, and then like, we really got the man-woman thing. Man, you gots to pay attention to the science, right? Of the man-woman thing. Men can't be, look at the science of the ladies to having a fist fight with a man. Just getting their skull crushed. That's science, it's scammies and shit.

Oh yeah, we're gonna own science, right? The right's gonna own science. The right's gonna own, finally we're gonna own science. Finally, fucking liberals have been queering up to science for 50 years. We're gonna take it back and then what does he go? He goes, well, I mean, evolution's not real. For no reason. I mean, there's a reason.

Aliens are here and they're not even aliens, there's a reason. Aliens are here and they're not even aliens, they're spiritual aliens. Oh, that's exciting. I said, well, I guess that was fun, guys. You got a good team there, my friend. We had a good year and a half with the science on our side, and then someone wanted to talk about shit that's more retarded than horoscope sandwiches put together Yeah, I was getting lectured by Doug tonight. You pull about why evolution isn't real

Why because it's real? That's in case anyone's been confused or bamboozled for any reason it's real and you can see it from zero to nothing I had to argue with Mike S. Miller about dinosaurs only being 6,000 years old. And I went, can you guys just like... Well that's retarded. Mike S. Miller, comic artist, was like, well you look at this, they found... Because apparently they've been finding dinosaur bones that have like the faintest amount of a soft tissue still left inside them.

Now a skeptic would take would want to know more. Yeah. And you know figure out how you came to this idea. That's incredible. Wow, soft tissues have dinosaur bones. Let's figure out how you got there, but I just want to go retard retard retard retard shut up retard. The only explanation is that they're only 6,000 years old. We're this close to getting a wall or... No, you're never gonna own science.

Trump's talking about taking away the power to change interest rates from the Federal Reserve and you guys are talking about UFOs for no reason! There's no reason to be talking about UFOs except to appeal to your dumbest pay pigs. I mean I've always said that about the Republicans as you're like, I get you guys. What don't you guys believe? Well I get it on the fiscal policy. I'm like yeah you're right we gotta tighten down the hatches. We don't believe in guys sucking dicks. Okay what else? That's it. And then it's like yeah we gotta do something about all these UFOs and you're like well now I feel like you're joking around about the other stuff too.

We got to do some about all these UFOs nearly well now. I feel like you're joking around about the other stuff, too The government's covering them up why Just cuz it would blow our minds why they're doing that It's like I think my man's been we could imagine the second we started letting people sew penises on themselves My mind was already properly blown right you know if you told me aliens existed go well I think we're already past the Rubicon on that one. Yeah, do you see there, that guy from the UFO place said that the government knows more than they're saying.

Oh, the government guy said that the government's lying? Wow. Fascinating. That's crazy, man. Let's go storm in there. Let's bust Harvey Weinstein and these aliens out. It's always Just like the best you all the UFO videos are just like there's a thing in the sky

And it's going doodly doodly doodly how do you explain this you're a retard that's how I explained it I've seen a million Hollywood movies aren't they supposed to be shooting a big laser at some point if there's no big laser Just a little thing going doodly doodly And when there be like when they do something like when there be like a bunch of them doing like a bunch of cool Doodly like little can't get pregnant You can't travel thousands of light years through space Yeah, but you can imagine no I can't I can't that's the problem I have a good point if you were a UFO and you travel Why do men have nipples then dude? That's closer than UFOs flying around through space

If a UFO can travel billions of light years across the whatever the galaxy Why do they got to come down to the surface to do like shit? Can't they just use scanners or probes or computers? Yeah or computers? Back where they are? Can't they just have a camera go like yeah, all right, we'll just send like a little drone down and go around. I don't know. They're going to send a whole ship down to float around for no reason? I don't know.

It drives me nuts every time. Every time they talk about it. Yeah. Because they're like, because you can't make fun of them for their Jesus shit. Because they're like, well, we're real, we're serious about this. How dare you? We're serious about these bullies. We're serious.

Okay, all right. So I get it. I lose every episode because of the Jesus shit. Okay, Jesus shit's cool. All right. Yeah, you know, God stuff. Yeah, it makes you feel better about death. Okay, alright, so I get it. I lose every episode because of the Jesus shit. Okay, Jesus shit's cool, alright. Yeah. Yeah, you know, God stuff, yeah, makes you feel better about death. Okay, fine, okay, okay. We also believe in aliens. Then what's the Jesus shit?

No, that's serious! That's serious. That's serious! What about the alien shit? That's just like believing in stupid shit for fun. Well... I don't know. Really?

That Blink-182 guy was like all dead serious about it. You know that guy? No. Serious about what? Aliens? Yeah, he's like, he like, he funds a bunch of like UFO research or whatever. What the fuck is that? Like, I don't know, just like a bunch of guys going around. Is he going to UFO-citate? No. I mean, I guess yeah, because I don't know what any of this is Well, these UFO guys always they always do this thing where they go Well, I just you know, I was visited by some some guys and you know, what do you mean? It's like well just some some guys from a certain, you know, I'm not gonna say the government but maybe the government Oh, yeah, and uh, they just said, you know, you're real close and then they left and you're like, okay, who was it? I could have just been a guy in a suit showed up at your house and said that to fuck with you as far as you know, you're real close. And then they left. And you're like, OK, who was it?

It could have just been a guy in a suit showed up at your house and said that to fuck with you, as far as you know. None of that happened. I don't think that happened. None of that happened. Well, any time you hear a story like that, you're like, well, there's going to be some level of extrapolation out from what actually happened.

That's true. But there's not. Yeah, which is you went drinking with a cop. And he's like, yeah, I think aliens are fucking real. And you're like, well, all right. He heard that made up bullshit story and just retold it for attention Joe Rogan I think Joe Rogan is a big alien guy, right? Another retard yeah, and I don't know if these guys are like pretending to be retarded to get big followings or

They are retarded. So they have the big follow seems like a boredom It seems like these are guys who don't know that you can just go play video games. Yeah, what am I gonna do today? Seems like these are guys. You don't know that you can just go play video games. Yeah, what am I gonna do today? I'm maybe I'll obsess over stupid retarded videos of shit doodling around in the sky So yeah, you could just go play like Call of Duty spend your time that way. Okay, that's fine Can you not go on the internet? Can you not go on places and talk about it? Yeah Can you just like pretend to be serious for I mean people fall for everything people these that's that's the thing is like Don't you have to realize after the number of fake videos that are going around I still have people Retweeting that video where I yell at a lady to get out of the way of a landslide and they're going

Yeah, that guy was really there Good video Still see that getting like it'll go viral like every now and again. I'm like, ah, I should have fucking watermarked that. I'm an idiot. One in ten Americans report that they have seen an unidentified flying object. Okay, so... What's the most spooky paranormal thing that ever happened to you? Nothing.

One time I was at my house, and I opened a, me and my sister were hanging out, and I opened a cardboard box. Mm-hmm. And then like, it like, it like, was like, pop! And like, like, I don't even remember what was in it. And me and my sister were like, what the fuck was that? And then we looked and there was like, something from like Best Buy in the box.

Yeah. And then we were both really freaked out. What was it? I don't know! Oh, alien. I want to say it was Alien booby trap like Jokey Smurf is that what it was? It wasn't like any like I would say would make sense It was one of those like packing like little things burst, but there's nothing in the box other than like a video pop It just went like pop and we're like ah it was like freaked out

We got what it was. Is Rob Riggle and Step Brothers? Maybe there was a ghost in the box or a UFO or something. Could be a ghost in the box, I've heard of that. Maybe like air built up in there, I guess. I guess that would make more sense. Maybe that little, the video game made a pop. Maybe. I was dating this girl,

the most supernatural thing I've ever, I was dating this girl and after a while, when she wasn't around, I found myself thinking about her, which had never happened before and had never happened since. Wow, that's spooky. Usually around women, I don't even think about them when I'm around them. But I was thinking, so it must have been

some sort of alien or curse. Alien mind control, perhaps. Probably. Four times as many Americans believe in UFOs, 42%. Which country believes most in UFOs, I would wonder? The most attention seeking attention whores, which is America. Probably America.

Or maybe Mexicans. I was gonna say Mexicans, it seems like. Yeah, except they're aliens, are you like retarded? They're aliens are fun. It's like an alien train. You ever drive through Roswell? There was an alien dog. Like, what the fuck, an alien dog. We ever go through Roswell

I think so you know the alien museum in Roswell No, I would be too at a bunch of like celebrity photos I always remember it was like the the T-Mobile guy and he was like the truth is out there the T-Mobile guy Was that guy I was like gay guy yeah the guy. Who is that guy? The gay guy? Yeah, the guy who goes like, are you there? Can you hear me now? Can you hear me now? I was like, you put that on the celebrity wall?

Can you hear me now, guy? That's pretty cool, actually. I don't have him on any of those celebrities you're talking about. If the can you hear me now guy believes, how would you not? Three in ten report that they have woken up from sleep with a sense of strange presence in the room So that's just what do you call it though? That's a sleep paralysis 1 in 4. That shit's real scary when you don't know what it is Yeah, it's aliens

1 in 4 have seen or believed themselves to have been in the presence of a ghost. So more people believe in UFOs than, twice as many believe in UFOs than ghosts. I'd say the worst guys are the guys who reinterpret the Bible using aliens. And they go, the lights that appeared when Jesus was born, or actually Xanatar 5 and the Galaxozoids. And that when it says they gave him myrrh, what they actually gave him was the Enigma chip that allowed him to transcend to level five.

And the pyramid shit. The pyramid shit. Real people couldn't build those pyramids. Yeah, they could. I promise you, give me. What was always funny though, my roommate. Football team and some six packs. We'll build you pyramids.

My roommate was a real conspiracy theorist guy. Yeah. My Jewish roommate, he was a big pot smoker. He was smoking a bunch of pot. What kind of conspiracies was he... Well, he was watching all those fucking ancient aliens things. He was like... Oh, man.

Ever wonder how they built those pyramids? Maybe it was aliens. Like, no, it was us beating you guys with whips. So you'd push those fucking rocks in the place, asshole. Jews. The Jews, yeah. Those are the real aliens. The real Jews. Before the aliens took over and made themselves the new Jews.

And then started taking over the world secretly from their seat of power in Israel. Or as they call it, Starbase Xanthar 9. Oh fuck! Alright. That's my dream. So I guess the same amount of people believe. I guess it's just ghosts for men. It's horoscopes for men as aliens. Yeah. Um, that's my problem. I know it'll get voted down and then people will tell me about- Why, you think we got a bunch of UFO guys in the fucking aliens? 40% of everybody believes in them, loves them.

Anything you think could have been done by aliens, just pause to consider that it might have also been done by Jews, that's all I'm saying. That's a good motto. Have equal amounts of power and are equally sneaky. Dick, you got any of these smart devices in your house? Yeah, I hate them. Yeah, so there's Amazon Alexa There's a Google Home. Isn't there another one? The Google one sucks. The Google one does siri. Oh

Syria from Apple they sent me a free Google Home, and I never made you I tried it for a little bit But it's like it's not good. Oh shit. No well, my problem is you would think that Alexa being a Thing that has been around for like a decade now And is like in a billion homes collecting data infinitely on how people are using the device. It's worse You think it would yeah, you think it would be like? functioning Perfectly by now now and it's just the most

functioning perfectly by now. No. And it's just the most retarded piece of technology I've ever interfaced with where all the decisions it makes in response to my voice commands Yeah, yeah. make no fucking sense to me at all. No.

I know. Okay, so I'll be like, I have one, I have one of these Amazon things, mine has a video screen, okay? Oh my, you fell for one of those? Yeah, well actually it's pretty good mmm I mean it sucks cuz uh they lost cuz they were fighting with Google you can't get YouTube natively on it anymore so you have to like browse to YouTube and I don't think Netflix is on there anymore cuz again it's all this

like they're just such cocksuckers yeah infinity money and think you just cannot use any of your shit yeah it sucks're like, can I just put Netflix on there? It's on literally everything else I own. Well, no, because we want you to watch Amazon Prime Video. Yeah, I paid you for this and I'm letting you collect my voice data 24-7. That's not enough. It's not enough. We can't, we don't want to pay them for that. I'm like, okay fine. I'll watch Amazon Prime Video, which of course now has ads on it. Well, that's all their fucking problem Oh, yeah, that just started. Yeah all these fucking things that were like, oh, this is great streaming It won't have ads and they're like, I mean you knew we were gonna fuck you at some point, right? Yeah

Okay, so I like watching invincible over and over Yeah, it's something to put on. Yeah. Yeah. Well if I'm cooking and stuff I don't watch a new thing cuz I can't pay attention to it., so I just want to look at the background noise. So I'll go Amazon Play invincible. You have a kitchen TV? It's like a little device. It's not big. It's like a little thing It's like a 50s, like a fallout. What's wrong with having a kitchen? You have your kitchen is connected to your living room and you have a giant fucking TV up there. I mean I don't know, what are you talking about? You're watching like a little tiny TV in your kitchen. I just glanced over at it, you have a giant flat screen in your fucking kitchen living room connected bullshit.

It's a bit, it's a floor. You're telling me you turned the TV off when you're cooking, you know, cause you don't want to be bothered. No, but I've had a kitchen, I didn't have a little TV in it. You would not take out your phone and like put something on your phone while you're cooking. I can listen from the other room. You're a moron. Shut up. This is fake. How much do you need? Coming down on my shit. It's like this big?

Yeah. And you're playing invincible on a screen that's this big? It's like putting it on your phone. I'm mostly listening to you. Do you have one in the shower? No, I don't have one in the shower. Do you want one? Oh, dang it. I've thought about it. I've looked into shower TVs.

How come you didn't get one? They're not good. They're very expensive. Oh. Because they have to be super duper waterproof, airtight, whatever, so the steam doesn't get in them. OK. Oh my god. Anyway, I'm just putting on a little something

to listen to when I go Amazon. You should just put like a CRT on your shower. You should just put like a CRT screen. I'll just put a CRT in there, and that would be good. I'll be like that guy in The Truman Show is watching TV in the bathtub the whole time. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they keep cutting away. That would be good. I'll be like that guy in a the Truman show is watching TV in the bathtub the whole time Oh Yeah, yeah, they keep cutting away. That's cool

There's a super cut of just that guy and then I saw I read an interview with the guy talking about how they filmed His tub scenes and I'm like a bathtub guy from the Truman show surprisingly interesting. I like this Anyway, I go Alexa play invincible and itvincible. And it goes, now playing Invincible by Puff Daddy. And I go, ah, curse. Every time. You think he would know that you would never want to listen to that. You think out of my viewing history

that I have watched the same show a hundred times, you would think it would default to going, oh, play Invincible. I'm going to just assume he means the TV show he's watched a billion times. Yeah. OK. And it's that I have to go play invincible on Amazon Prime video. Yeah. And he goes, now booting Amazon Prime video. OK. And then you go.

It goes now playing episode or season two, episode four. And it starts it in the credits with 20 seconds remaining in the show Yeah Because the last time you watched it when it gets to the credits part it skips to the next episode With 20 seconds still remaining on the previous episode. So now it goes. Oh, he didn't finish that episode Clearly he wants to watch the credits of the episode. He left off on yeah Why would I start it if you miss this? Past credit scene now yeah exactly there. I have they don't have a past credit scene on that show. I don't think

Okay, why would you not just go all right obviously no human being has ever said stop doing that what post credit sequences? Yeah, and put a like a warning this is there's no there's no fucking it's a for some shows. Like Rick and Marty, it'll skip to the next episode. You miss the post-credit sequence on a... I think on Amazon it does that. What has anyone ever said, I want to watch a TV show, please take me to the credits of the episode? I don't know. Nobody.

Just start over at the beginning. It's obvious. Okay. And then I'll just do other stuff. Okay, I'm cooking, right? Right. And I go, okay, the pasta takes ten minutes to boil. Invincible's playing. I go, Alexa, set a timer for ten minutes. Right? Why Invincible?

Like comic you're imagining super killer? Cause what else is on Amazon Prime? I can't watch anything else! It doesn't have Netflix or YouTube! I can only watch anything else. It doesn't have Netflix or YouTube. I can only watch Amazon Prime shows. So it's either that or the boys or something. I don't have like other options. And it always like, Alexa just shows you stuff that you can buy.

And I get tricked every time. Like, oh yeah, ladybugs. Motherfucker. Every time. And I get tricked every time like oh, yeah that that'd be lady bugs. Yeah, oh motherfucker every time It's just one of these things where okay I set a timer and then it goes time reset for ten minutes and let's just silent I'm like, did you think me setting a timer meant that I definitely want you to turn off the show I was watching and not just immediately go back to it Why would you not just immediately go and here's your show again?

So then I have to go Alexa play invincible and he goes playing invincible by puff daddy I go son of a fucking bitch you cock-sucking fucking does it ever make music at night? I find that sometimes really fucking is it's creepy out. It's creepy Just happens for no place like this thing. It's like an Eloi summoning horn boom And what the fuck is that dong shit I thought it heard something I just realized everybody listening to the show with an Alexa device is now having their Alexa go off a million times Alexa call the police Alexa play cuties Contacts affirmative no no Alexa look up child pornography

Alexa look up how to get away with child pornography Alexa look up how to get away with killing my wife I Just heard somebody yelling in the other room at an Alexa device which is pretty funny. Alexa, play the history of Rock and Roll Part 2. On loop forever. Point is, I don't understand, this technology has been around for a while, it just seems like at any point an engineer could just sit down and be like, okay, obviously. I don't think there's any engineers running anything anymore. Right. It just breaks constantly. I'm like, why is there, why did this take so long to fix? Yeah. Who's running this? How come there's new clip

art of black people on the front page of YouTube every day, but nothing works anymore? I think you guys are firing the wrong people. All the engineers are busy curating Black History Month on an Amazon Prime video. That's their only job. Yeah. Yeah. Alright, well, that's my problem is the... Engineers, they call them.

Shitty Alexa. I made a pun, I called it Dislexa, but I don't know if that works. That's a bad one. That's a pretty bad one. I'll just go with Alexa sucks. Alright, mine is... My problem is Closing all the tabs. I don't want it now. It's like two computer problems. That's not any good No, mine's not a computer kind of is it like a technology problem?

UFOs are kind of a technology problem fuck I can do I can do my problem. What's yours? I was gonna do a content ratings boards. No, let me look up Let me look up a problem, okay? This is the shelf I do want to talk about the what about that lady what lady dog lady oh God, how about mansplaining? Okay? What's her name Christy gnome? I think so what's the deal is she gonna be Trump's running mate? She's a lady. She's like a Sarah Palin kind of thing. Yeah, she was amazing right? Yeah, that fucked that whole thing up Christy Noem. She says she wrote a book where she talks about

Killing a puppy so she's like a big MAGA booster type person. I saw her wearing a MAGA hat. Yeah, probably. And now she's gonna be- Trump VP contender. Trump VP contender. She's the VP or she's the governor of South Dakota. But is she an actual politician?

She's the governor of South Dakota. She's the governor of South Dakota. So- Why do all these politicians have books? So- Woman alert. Have you heard that one? Women alert. I do that on my show. That's good.

It's when women do something totally retarded. Yeah. Well, they have books because they're auditioning to be vice president of the country. You need a book for that? Oh yeah. Okay. For every president and vice president and running... Trump doesn't read the book.

Do those people read the book? The people? No, we read it. We read it. People read it and buy it. And then we go, hey Trump doesn't read the book. Do those people read the book? No, we read it. We read it. People read it and buy it. And then they go, hey, that was a good book. Yeah, and then we like you. We know you. That's like the way we digest you.

Oh, it's like this show. That's the old school version of a parasocial relationship. A book, yeah. Was reading someone's stupid book. Yes, so you haven't noticed it? All politicians and running mates and stuff, they'll put out a book before the big day. Oh my god, she lost a bunch of weight

and her comic came out on time. She should be president. That's important. And what no one's ever said is, wow, I really love that story about how she killed a dog that... Why is it always dogs? Mitt Romney had a dog thing too. You know where he strapped it on the roof of his car? Yeah, it was funny to him. See, the amazing thing, and then I say like... These people live in like a fantasy world where they can abuse animals and it's cute.

Even if it's not, okay, even if it's not abuse, you tied a dog, K, to the top of the car, the dog's probably terrified. Maybe it's not. I would be terrified, it probably was terrified. Maybe it's not. How would it not be? That's horrifying for anything. I think so too.

If you covered it with a blanket, maybe it didn't know what was going on, but- Yes, that. Still. Same thing in a plane, but I don't know. Here's the amazing thing that these people, these politicians can do, and I know they all know how to do it, they could just either one, lie about it, or two, not tell the story at all. Mm. So I'm going off of this Kristi Noem's book that said, who said the dog got out killed the neighbors chickens right and then she killed the dog because she hated the dog and

She did what had to be done. We did what had to be done. What was basically a puppy apparently 14 months old Dog is that I knew this dog was bad. I tried to bite me. I'm like I don't believe you I really I do not believe that the dog because of the context of the story right if you just said a dog tried to bite me. I'm like I don't believe you I really I do not believe That the dog because of the context of the story right if you just said a dog tried to bite me I believe you but if you said I killed the dog because I killed my neighbors chickens And I was really embarrassed and then it tried to bite you know try to bite me So what am I supposed to do? An animal that is instinctively primed to hunt on your behalf attacked a bunch of chickens chickens Yeah, I can't believe it. What a horrible dog.

Yeah, yeah. It's unbelievable. So she shot it. So she shot it to death. And buried it in a gravel pit. Yeah, and then- And it's in the book as a- That's just how we take care of business in South Dakota.

Yeah. So you killed a puppy. Well this is uh- Yeah. This is horrible. Right. What a horrible, well this is horrible. What a horrible, what a horrible story. And I've got a bunch of guys, and I'm like,

well you know, that's on the farm. Life on the farm. Life on the farm. I'm like, hey, you fucking hick, this book was meant to appeal to everyone in the country, you fucking moron. She can be president of a farm, or something. Don't just walk in here with your belt. Hey Will, actually, let me explain something to you about being on the farm.

Let me explain something to you about America. We're not voting for someone that brags or even doesn't know that it's totally inappropriate to put a story in a book about killing a one-year-old dog and talking about how you hated it you Fucking idiot. It's really creepy Which part I mean because there's just a lot of steps for like an editor had to read that and go You're trying to vice president. Let's let's take out the story where you murder a puppy. Let's put in here Let's put in here that farm life is tough, and that occasionally you have to make sacrifices.

And you don't like doing it. I want to say your dog got attacked by chickens, and you had to put him down, and that was sad. And it attacked a child, not you. You don't have to be the focal point of every story. And then she says, well, how would people know it's about me? It's amazing. Sometimes it doesn't always have to be about you, Christy. I'd say if she left in the story about killing a puppy, now I go, what did the editor

take out? Because there's no way that's the worst story, right? Are there any missing retarded kids that we don't know about? Because that's less offensive. Rain Man was about that. No one killed a dog in Rain Man. It would have not been funny anymore anymore leaving a retarded kid in a mental asylum that's okay. I saw somebody respond to you and they said well you know there's a difference between a pet and a work animal I said oh so can I go to a farm and kill a bunch of work animals is that just cool? Yeah. They're like basically property. Yeah yeah yeah yeah. Oh you killed all my work animals you gotta pay like 50 bucks for that. There's a difference between not running for president and running for president, you stupid asshole. It's explaining a smaller version of what's happening.

That's like the quintessence of mansplaining. Like, oh yeah, let me, oh yeah, well here, I'm gonna explain this tiny little part of the whole. Oh, that's amazing, man, thanks, because we're talking about all this. And you're fucking. So it's the men explaining on her behalf why it's okay that she killed that puppy dog. Yeah. Right.

Dick, you just don't understand life on the farm. Well, why am I reading about it then? I've watched a lot of movies about like farmers, you know, sometimes they gotta make like a baseball field or something, and at no point did they go, I'll get to that as soon as I kill this dog. You know, that's never been part of the fantasy, you know? Like the whole, I get the whole Republican rustic cowboy thing where, you know, they put on the cowboy hat and they go, well, we really got to, we really got to get America straight. But when George Bush put on the cowboy hat, he didn't go, excuse me excuse me for a second and turn and shoot a dog in the face with a shotgun

and then go back and go the thing about America is you know we're a good people here in America. Not like that you're not. The dog murder is a tough sell. There's this great movie Look Who's Back where Hitler comes back to life in Germany and everybody loves him. I've seen the clips of that and he gets undone his plan Gets undone because they have a video of him kicking a dog The dog was being annoying and he kicks the dog and everybody turns on like you guys don't be an otter I mean, that's Germany. They understand it would also been a when you see the movie. That's pro Hitler by the way Look, I could almost get there if you said, you know, we had this dog for five years. We tried everything we could.

He was biting kids. He, you know, raped a bunch of other smaller dogs. And he didn't rape me, which was the worst part. Right. Right? And, you know, unfortunately, he got loose and he got hit by a car. I would have gone, oh, what can you do? Yeah, not, I shot him and buried him in an unmarked grave.

Why is the tone, why is the tone of this story that you think it's, that you got won over on the dog? You wanna know what's- Why is that? Here's how you know that she's a- Why are you getting, why does it sound like you're getting off on it? Notice that the book doesn't give you the name of the dog. Because you know that if you said, we named it Buster, everybody would go, what the fuck? So it just has to be, the dog. You know how many stories had a name it must have

What was the name when it was attacking? What was the name of the dog that you murdered someone ask her that it's a work dog Well, you train work dogs. That's kind of the fucking point right jackass If she's on the campaign trail thousand bucks at the low end to you just shooting a thousand bucks for no reason Great, I just want to go on at one of these town halls to go You're like a thousand bucks at the low end too. You're just shooting a thousand bucks for no reason. Great. Please run the government. I just want someone at one of these town halls to go, I totally understand why you had to kill that dog. I get it. What was the name of the dog?

That's the question I want to know. How's that VP debate going to go? How's that VP debate? How did it feel when you killed your dog? That's it. That's the end of Trump. Well yeah, but dick see you in a farm will you shut the fuck up on a farm see on a farm okay well on TV it doesn't

go that way no cuz that's that you're right you are appealing to everybody and you know there's there's Republican voters who aren't obsessed with this cowboy farming bullshit are gonna go well one, one guy's over here, you know, he's telling me he's gonna make all the kids trans and, you know, I don't like that. But then you got a lady who says, I'm gonna murder dogs and I don't know. Maybe the problem is women's stories, actually.

This is because no matter what the context of it is, if you're a man and you didn't start reading that story and think oh god This is like they never know what's appropriate to tell no It's just something like a person married bragged about stealing Christmas presents and everybody went to Chrissy and I shouldn't be telling people exactly They don't they think things are fun here guys I have a story can you take 80% of the crazy out of your eyes before you tell the story? Because I kind of think you don't know what you're about to say. It feels like that.

We really do get in trouble thinking that a story is funny, you know? It happened to me though, isn't that? In high school there was this one girl named Sandy and we were so mean to her. And one time we cut one of her fucking fingers off and you're like, what the fucking Christ story is that? And they go, eeeheehee. We cut all of her hair off. We cut all her what the fucking Christ story is that and they go eeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheehee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee he Dick, that's just life on a farm. Life on a farm is different than you city slickers. And then I let my dog, I put peanut butter on my vagina and you're like, oh my god, woman. Yeah, women's stories are, they don't...

Oh wow, did you invent farming? That's crazy, man. Did you come up with that? That's great. I can't believe your dog acted like any dog would do when surrounded by chickens. Don't dogs just attack chickens? Like, what are you talking about? They're like instinctually primed to attack little fucking animals. Oh you who are not trained well didn't train a dog well? Your job is to keep your dog away from chickens like cuz you know that it's your fault. Why was that dog near chickens? Don't tell the story

Well don't tell the dog to begin with. At least say you felt bad not that you hated it And you were glad. Say you saw someone else do it, and you decided to stop it from now on. No more dog murder on the farm. A rapist did it. A fucking, a Mexican did it. Cause you didn't know, he said,

that's the way we do it on the farm in Guadalajara, and I said no Pepe, we don't kill dogs in America. No Pepe. All right, women's stories. Women's stories, that's my problem. Alright, well we're gonna do a problem, we'll see how long it takes until we just arguing about sweet baby again. The new video game Stellar Blade has arrived. This is a video game with a little Asian woman running around doing cool fight moves and wearing very skimpy outfits. Oh, yeah, it looks kind of fun

I'll play it at some point probably wait for it to be on sale. I'm not paying $60 for it. No, but now it's all covered up not worth planning. Well, we found out that And this is a I'm upset because I've been talking about Sony censorship and nobody watched my video about it or even knows it exists Or I'm like hide that in your in your $5 footlong video Maybe I will it is a lot of like operation choke point type shit though. We're like They're worried about sexual depictions It's also like the same day

Sony okay, they're worried that like they'll get cut off from payment processors if the video games have sex stuff in them. Right. Yeah, okay. Because... How does that work? It's like, why can't sex sites take credit cards? They just decided it. Well, sex sites because they get a lot of chargebacks. Okay. But...

So they don't want to deal with that. But that's... But they changed that to... Here's how it worked in payment processing and this is kind of how it works in banks at this level, especially with ChokePoint. They find a high-risk activity, and then in order to enforce the terms of service around that high-risk activity,

they get people who are politically motivated against that activity. Because if you say, well, we're gonna go against, porn is a high-risk, you get people who don't like porn to get in there and they end up there. Talk about how porn becomes sex trafficking. Yeah, it's like, well, we're doing this so.

You're paying for sex trafficking and that's the same as paying for a crime and then we can't accept your payment processing. Yeah, so Patreon, you can't. Because then we'd be fucking sex trafficking. Yeah, you can't draw pictures of, it's like, well no, economically it was because of the high risk of chargebacks.

Right. But now you've just incorporated this into your political ideology. It's very weird and it's very bizarre. Yeah. And I see a lot of people and they're trying to go, they're like, well, why is Sony censoring our video games? Because this game has come out and people are upset because there were certain costumes that were in demo versions of the game where you could kind of see

like some booby flesh Obviously no nipple, but now there'll be like obviously we don't have that No, I can't have that would be the worst thing ever happen now. There's like little strips of cloth covering up that amount of skin and I see a lot of people and they're saying well the problem is this DEI stuff Do you think it's I don't think it's the DEI thing though. I think it's more complicated than that. No, I think it's bigger. I think it's bigger than that. When Sony's involved, I think it's bigger. Well, I think a big part of the problem... Because Sony doesn't give a fuck about... This is not the absolute complete source of the problem,

but a big part of the problem that I think a lot of people want to talk about is these content ratings boards. Okay, these are the guys who if you buy a video game, it's rated T for teen, it's rated F for mature. You'll see a movie, it's rated PG-13, or it's rated R. Putting the parental advisory sticker on the albums or whatever else. All this stuff is very blatant.

Those are cool though. Well, they were smart. That was smart. They figured out how to turn it around. Am I taking Pearl Jam? That looks great. They're like, wait, wait, wait, wait, we get to design the parental advisory sticker. Yeah, oh

Well, make it look like a prison mudshot Never mind them boom fucking label of quality motherfucker You should make it look like you know Baby on there. No, no, no no we're gonna make it look like a guy sucking a dick on there that's parental advisory you want to see that sure you fucking read there yeah that was the smartest thing that ever happened here's the deal is that these are very anti free speech boards they exist to pointlessly categorize your media and assign it a stupid value based on the opinions of whatever morons happen to be working there at the time.

The reason they're good at all. You know, do you think parents might want some sort of guide? I would think they have value if they weren't like PG. All right. Gee, OK, I can show this to kids. The problem becomes when you start tying it into, like let's put it this way, Sony and Microsoft and whatever else will refuse to publish any game that is rated adults only.

Why? They just don't do it. Because they're worried about... Because they can't make money. Well, they don't want the appearance of Sony PlayStation has adults rated games. They want it to be like a family money. Well. They don't want the appearance of Sony PlayStation has adults rated games They want it to be like a family thing okay? So it actually leads to you know the censorship of media where like a lot of movies They'll go well

You can't you know release that movie because it's going to be rated adults only and no theater chain in America will release it or an X it'll get an x-ray now Yeah, you see a lot of comedies have to you know they'll put out the unrated cut later but in order to get into the theaters they have to have a suck though not always there's been some movies that uh it's just like a woman that the producers clearly fucking regardless you're forced to make creative compromises in order to get the rating you need to get yourself into the movie theater to get yourself on a console. The money. Well, why can't...

Okay, I can go right now and I can buy a Sony Blu-ray player, right? Yeah. And I can then purchase Blu-ray pornography and I can watch adult movies on my Sony device. That's fine. I have no idea where to buy Blu-ray pornography. You gotta go to like a fucking... Downtown. I would assume you go to like a porno store. I mean, why would I buy a Blu-ray porn. You gotta go to like a fucking... Downtown. I would assume you go to like a porno store.

I mean, why would I buy a Blu-ray fucking DVD? But you can do it. Okay. Okay. Alright. Alright. They have adult stars. Okay.

Okay, you can do that. What are you gonna buy? I'm not going to buy a Blu-ray porn. Like an eight hour compilation, you're gonna buy a parody, what are you gonna get? I would get a parody, yeah. Pirates of the Caribbean parody? Apparently the Pirates Pornz are really good. Yeah, probably.

Did I tell my Pirate Pornz story on this show before? No. I might have. I went to, you know, Canners. Yeah, the deli? Yeah. Sometimes you see famous people at Canners, you see actors and actresses and stuff. And we went and there was a guy there, a big tall blonde guy, and my buddy's like,

that's the guy. I'm like, what guy? He's guy there a big tall blonde guy. My buddies like that's the guy I'm like what guys I fucking love that guy and he goes to the guy and he's uh, he's like, oh man, you're great I've seen like all your movies. He was like, oh thanks That's that's you know, that really means a lot and I felt left out cuz I didn't know who it was But I really wanted, you know, like be a booster and make this guy think he was like maybe you can make a connection I wanted him. Well, no, I wanted him to think like, oh, you know, he's really popular and everybody loves him, you know? I wanted to help be a booster.

The guy? The guy who he was talking to I didn't know. You wanted to boost him up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wanted him to feel- Like, he clearly was happy. The fan was like being there and I didn't want to stand there and be like, oh, I don't even fucking know who you are, right? So and yeah, yeah, me and this guy, you know, we're both big fans and every time I go over

his house, we'll put on your movies and we'll just like wash them for hours The guy looked at us he went cool My buddy punched me in the arm. He's like, that's the guy who stars in all the pirate porns And you just told him we watch all these fucking movies together. I'm like, I didn't fucking know who was Why are you never honest about it I want to be nice I thought it would be a nice thing to say but it's a lie yeah well it's not nice to lie it sounded legitimate why don't you just say I'm a fan too what do you got to like over egg it like keep adding details I just I don't know I thought it would be like a funny like a fun like oh I met these fans and they really like my work

And then we just watched my movies together And then he left, he's like oh those two fucking homos I met at Canter's Really enjoy my, that one fat one and that little one How do you, and you haven't learned this lesson, you haven't learned the lesson I mean what's the, I mean he probably still felt good, that guy probably still felt good about it No You think he felt worse about it? He was probably like, Oh, that's cool, I'm helping a bunch of gay guys get off.

I don't think he thought you were gay. Well, just two strange guys just jerking off next to each other? Yeah, he thought it was weird! That's what fucking Maddox used to tell the story all the time! Of how him and his friends Would have jerk-off parties? They would call it corn and porn! And all of his friends would come over and bring pornography

And they'd eat corn like some kind of Midwestern meta joke like it you would always tell this story like he had fucking dementia Yeah, man, that's just not funny. It's not a funny story It's fucking weird that you're giggling while you're telling it to people with straight faces All right corn and porn huh, I guess they do rhyme while you're telling it to people with straight faces. Alright. Corn and porn, huh? I guess they do rhyme. That's the joke.

Well, the difference is my story is cheeky and fun. Nobody ever believes me. Someone's ass would get torn. People think I made that story up, that legitimately won. No, because you do that all the time. Yeah, I lie all the time in social situations. Always overlying about things. Anyone who knows me goes, Vito definitely did that.

That's definitely a Vito thing. I'm a fan too. Oh, awesome. And my favorite movie. My favorite movie of yours. It's his best one. Yeah. I thought it would make me feel better. You're like one-upping your friend as a fan. Anyway, what were we talking about? You couldn't let him have a moment. You had to step all over it. The problem with these, for these contents rating boards, Dick, is the people responsible for them, it's always hilarious, do you know who was responsible for the, what is it, the parental advisory on the albums? Tipper Gore. Tipper Gore, who's a daughter, 11 year old daughter. Is she dead? No, I don't think Tipper Gore is dead.

Oh god, I hope she dies. Tipper Gore's daughter bought the album Purple Rain, not knowing it contained a explicit mention of masturbation. Isn't that awful? And of course, who helped really rail the ESRB? None other than Hillary Clinton, who actually at one point- Wait, railed? What do you mean? Well, really tried to-

I think it already existed. So there was those... There was that point in time, I think, when Mortal Kombat had just come out. And I think it was Joe Lieberman introduced all this. Can you believe what these kids are playing? What was it? Howard? Was the other senator? All I know is that all these advisory boards are set up to avoid government intervention

where the government's like basically do you want us to take charge of legislating in it? It's like no, we'll just make our own thing. But then they do a really bad job. Anyway it was- Hold on. Do you- Oh god. What would you say if I said it's illegal for the government to regulate it?

That's probably true, right? To regulate free speech, yes. Right. So what if the government gave a bunch of money to bully people into self-regulating, and it was a bunch of ideological freaks that took over the industry 30 years ago

and bragged about it. You're right. What would you think about that? I think that makes perfect sense. I'm 100% there with you. You're absolutely right. Is it not that it is that you're right? That's what it is Again Hillary Clinton because they shouldn't exist right? Look they just put their own they'd made the Nintendo seal equality that thing was right every time That was Nintendo did that the Nintendo seal quality was not right every time The Nintendo said equality just basically meant it worked. It did not mean that I played some I played some ones that didn't have the seal

Yeah, they were worse Well, I won't get too deep into the seal of quality But basically they would submit games to Nintendo and they Nintendo had to determine if it was good enough to release as a Nintendo game But yeah, they let some clunkers through. There was also the comics code famously. That was the comic industry had to, because the guy from Mad Magazine got on the stand and he was all sweaty and nervous and said crazy shit and they're like, okay, we got to stop these comics.

You ever read that story? No. That was a great story. The guy ran, so Mad Magazine happened and was making pretty good money, but they were making way more money from all the horror comics. You know, just like tales of like, like tales from the crypt and shit. I got my girlfriend pregnant. Yeah, that was of course one of them. And then at one point they're like showing the guy who owned Mad Magazine and all the comics or whatever. They're like, well, do you think this is appropriate for kids as like a comic with like a lady's severed head being held up with like an axe

He's like yeah, yeah, that's fine. Of course and they're like well at what point would it be like not okay? He's like maybe like if he held the head up like a little more or if he had like if you had like two axes That would be too much That was the guy from Mad Magazine? Oh man And everybody in the fucking jury box was like Oh this man's insane Maybe he held it up a little more That would be too much

I'd give you that And they're like this man should not be selling comics to children That's worth it That's a good joke So he's kind of half responsible for the comics. His disability was fatter. That would be, I don't want kids to get the wrong idea. Some people cite his disastrous testimony

as turning the entire thing against the comic industry. What a hero. Did he say he felt bad about it? I kind of fucked him. I kind of fucked that. I don't remember exactly. That was the worst thing about the ESRB was Nintendo and Sega turning on each other.

That was the most bitches like, guys that's what they want you to do. They were. Come on. Because Nintendo was fucking around. They're going, well we have very strict policies about what's allowed on our platform and you know we won't allow it. You got a game where Princess gets kidnapped and raped. Well that was one of the famous moments of the trial where they're going,

OK, that's good, Nintendo. Now, can you explain what this is? And they brought the Super Scope, which is basically a shoulder-mounted Pesuka sniper rifle. And Nintendo's like, no, no, it's fun. It's different. Uh. Uh.

And they're like, you can play the Terminator game and murder a bunch of people with that. And they're like, ah, fuck. Anyway, the point is that and murder a bunch of people with that. And they're like, ah, fuck it. Anyway, the point is that I see a lot of people today who are going, I don't understand why all these gamers are upset. Can't they just go watch pornography on their computers? There's so much pornography already. The story sucks.

And I go- Video game pornography has good stories. I need that. Okay, the argument doesn't work. At what point did anyone say, okay, we have enough pornography. We stories, I need that. Okay, the argument doesn't work. At what point did anyone say, Okay, we have enough pornography, we can stop now. That's it, we've got enough. Same for movies. What, they want more movies?

Do we already have movies? We already have video- No, people want to make new stuff! And some people want to make video games with naked ladies in them. And part of the problem is that there are these contents ratings boards, which I think- She's not even naked, she's just like hot. Yeah! Well... You can't even call it a naked woman because women are just too fat.

There's no way... to find a woman that looked like that would be impossible. Right. So you tell me, how is that a woman? What needs to happen is we either need to disband the SRB. I can understand having... look, I can understand having these ratings for letting parents know what's in the game, even though the parents just let their kids play GTA anyway. The game company could do that though. The game company, well yeah, it could just be the individual game company could choose

to say, we are on rating system internally and we don't want kids playing this and that's us. It doesn't need to be a governing body that you submit it to. And also- This game's called A Bunch of Horrors. We need to, I don't know exactly what's going on but someone at Sony seems to believe that they can't have sexy stuff on the console because they've banned a lot of Japanese games it's actually weird the Nintendo switch has racier games than

the PlayStation now there are games on the switch that are more uncensored than the Sony version which is so fucking backwards. I'll browse the store and it's like Hentai World. I'm like, what the... Bro! What the fuck is this? I'm not clicking on it because I know it's not any good. I know it's some lolly shit. Most of them are pretty bad. It's like Arkanoid, but with a chick with beacup tits.

I had a company, I had PlayAge, send me a review copy of Omega Labyrinth, which is a game where Japanese college girls go through a labyrinth where they find pickups and the more enemies you fight the larger your breasts become. I've heard about this game. So and then once you have like a E cup or a double D you can unleash your breast energy and destroy the monsters and then you're back to an A cup again. You don't need a mod for that. Yeah.

Well the mods are great. The PC guys are getting all the good. Have you seen the Resident Evil mods that are out there? Yeah, but you're shitting on mods No, and then you're saying the Resident Evil ones where they're like No clothes on I'm okay. I'm okay with like Small mods it's making a whole game. That is like obviously it's gonna get taken down. It's a waste of your time But we're doing costume mods. It's great. That's funny wasting time Don't make a whole game. Just if you're gonna make a game on make a game. Nah rip it off. It's fun That's cool. I guess I don't know man. I just never sued

Like the guys are rich big guys who made like their own Metroid game I go yeah But like Metroid you can just make a guy with a gun who like goes around and goes on missions and on Metroid though I guess I'm just not the same I would rather I would honestly rather have a new thing That's with the Metroid like when that bloodstained game was coming out. I was all excited for it Yeah, although they always fuck it up. You're right remember mighty number nine, which was gonna be like a new Mega Man No, it was this disastrous the guy used to make Mega Man was like I'm gonna make my own Mega Man Everyone's like this is awesome Mega Man

They gave us so much money, and then he put out like the biggest piece of dog shit ever and everyone's like Man, how do you fuck up fucking Mega Man? What was wrong with it? Just really bad level design really ugly There'd be like parts where you jump and you didn't know if you were going to land in a pile of like spikes because the camera was terrible He really fucked it up Anyway, I think that we need to convince game companies Stop worrying about sexy ladies on things. Stop worrying about ESRB ratings. You should allow but they need the money

We need to get that access. I guess and stuff. I don't know. Well, yeah It would allow read the original the original president. I don't know. Well yeah, it would allow him. You should read the original, the original president of the SRB. He is not there to have fun. No. He's not there to protect kids. He's there to reshape the industry. I believe we need to, yeah.

It sounds like a guy who's an FBI agent reporting to the government. If I was. Yeah. This is the kind of conspiracies that I like. Not aliens and spirits. No, this guy's fucking around to ruin entertainment. It's the government ruining things. I think that you've got to let people create.

And if somebody wants to make a sexy game, and maybe the game would push it over the line. Maybe it would have naked titties flopping around. And it would be an adults-only game. Well, we should just allow it on the platform anyway, because who cares? And obviously obviously I know The people who are listening to this who are PC gamers are going well

That's what you console guys get. Yeah, some people just can't you know, some people are stupid They're not gonna figure out how to get a decent gaming PC running. I like playing Mario and then it's a they want to play Mario It's a romhack or it's Mario and then right at the end. It's hardcore sex hack or it's Mario and then right at the end it's hardcore sex parody of Mario and Peach. All the porn games are bad. Sad how bad they are. Well, because people don't want people don't want to combine pornography and games. It's just that... I think they they don't know how good it could be. No, it's gross. Nobody wants it. It could be like it could be like it could be like you go

through the whole game and then you get to the end of it. It's like, you wanna watch that lady fuck some gremlins? Yeah, but somewhere else. I don't wanna watch it here. Okay. I like that Dead or Alive, like the beach volleyball. You know, like, that's pretty. Yeah, that was perfect.

That's pretty hot. Little cheesecake. That was perfect. Girls jumping around. Yeah. When they're the Rumble Roses, ladies wrestling. You're like, all right. Yes, keep it covered up, but.

Yeah. It's the right amount of sexy stuff. It's annoying that women's erotica, they're books. the Rumble Roses ladies wrestling. Yes, keep it covered up, but don't adjust. It's the right amount of sexy time. It's annoying that women's erotica, their books, don't have a similar government funded agency. Because any kid could go into Ralph's and pick up a Fabio. That's true. And start jacking off reading about his manhood and stuff. I wonder if any gay kids were reading

the women's romance novels. Our stuff, video games, gets destroyed and covered up and butchered. But women's stuff with erotic stories, they just do whatever they want. It's a weird liberal hypocrisy where... Lieberman. Yeah. What word do you think I'm gonna use to describe him? I can think of a couple. A politician.

How's that? No. Does it start with a Z? No. Okay, good. It was Lieberman and what? Lieberman, ESRB. I think it was mostly Lieberman.

Joe Lieberman and Clinton? Literally and? No, that was Lieberman. Joe Lieberman and... Clinton? No, that was Lieberman. Clinton. Senator Joe Lieberman and... Herb Cole. Herb Cole. That's an unfortunate name.

Both Democrats. I could not think of a more... I wonder where Herb Cole comes from. Could be anywhere. Two Democrats teamed up to somehow... ruin... It's weird. It's conf- it's Pretty weird how and then the ESRB came out and now they dictate Exactly what you can say and do in entertainment for men. Isn't that weird?

Well, it's weird that uh, Tom Cotton didn't do that. Strom Thurman didn't do that Did he? They had other problems. Well Strom Thurman didn't do that. Did he? They had other problems. Wow. Did they or didn't they? They didn't accomplish their goals, did they? No, they didn't.

Strom Thurman did not accomplish his goal, but Lieberman and Erb Cole did. Isn't that weird? Isn't that weird, Vito? They got the game industry to police themselves, which was a happy compromise. Is themselves the ESRB? Sony are like, you know what? We would love to have the game as we made it and we bought it, but this goddamn ourselves is making us... The ESRB could be good if it was just considered like, you know, again, an advisory council and not telling... You know, the fact that you can't

get these games on platforms or like that, you know some game companies will be like oh, we got to get a you know a t-rating or else You know we can't sell it to kids or we're fucked yeah Yeah, a lot of movies we get like the PG-13 version you know they do a PG-13 cut of Deadpool at one point They're trying to push dead. Yeah, it's a dead for tells a Christmas story. It's actually it's pretty they made it work I've heard but yeah, there's other movies where you go twice though We're doing that now with the fucking Zack Snyder where there's a fucking PG-13 cut of his movie for some stupid reason We're talking about c3po before you feel the people comparing his a stupid robot Jimmy voiced by a fuck who's that guy Hannibal Lecter?

the old one. Um, Tom Mix? Ah well, whatever. Uh, anyway they're saying, oh look he's so much cooler than C-3PO cause he's fighting guys. And like that was not the point of C-3PO. What do you guys not get about Star Wars? We're stuck in this world where it's

like fake entertainment. What if C-3PO had a lightsaber? That would suck. Yeah, because we can't make anything good. It's just supposed to be funny. That'd be funny. Anyway, I disagree with these guys though, right? Lieberman?

I disagree with Lieberman, yeah. Yes, that's a big win for us guys. Big W. That's a big W. Big win for your team. Your team's nailing it. Women's stories. I feel like I might have already done that one though. Let me check

I had a Alexa, shitty Alexa recognition I get. No, I don't know. Alexa is retarded. Alexa is retarded But that's that is the problem. Yeah, Alexa is retarded. Women's stories I have not done. Women's stories and UFO conspiracies. Alexa is retarded and content ratings boards. Content ratings boards. All right. Go to biggestproblem.show to vote on the problems. Go to patreon.com slash biggest problem to listen to our new bonus episode. Biggest problem in the apocalypse. Wow. I still have to watch Fallout. It's just like trash.

Carl Spitali was saying how much he loves it. Oh, he does? Yeah. Do you like Fallout the game? He's not even like a guy who plays Fallout, so no. It feels like every single other 10 episode show I've ever seen I can't. Yeah. I can't even process them anymore.

Well, I don't know. I gotta get a clip of my stand-up- well I don't know. I don't want to burn my material. Oh fuck off. I'll find one good clip. I'll post one good clip of my stand-up. I had a good joke Oh, was your good when I came out and said Vito's always talking about Jared Because he doesn't want to lose weight

Yeah, I say why don't you eat healthy and lose some weight and he says what like Jared that pedophile? Well, look what happened at January And he says, well, look what happened to Janet. That was pretty good. I was telling it right to this lady. Did she laugh? She was really laughing up a storm. I mean, I heard the joke. It was pretty good.

I think that was a good joke. I was also back there eating the free tacos. So it really worked on multiple levels. Oh, man, Josh had a cooler of a taco bar, but then a cooler of Coors Forties. Yeah, and PBRs. There was like a bar, kind of, but there's no ice. Yeah, but I'm... I got into the Coors Forties, and I'm so used to IPAs that like, I started just, I started

drinking trying to wake up. Yeah. But the more I was drinking, it was like a blanket. I was like, oh god, this is god. Were you falling asleep out there? That Red Bulls back there too. Red Bull is not gonna work on me. I should have I should have gone straight for liquor but I went for beers just because I'm so used to IPAs and I start pounding them thinking all right here comes the energy. Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba brr brr brr. Uh oh, okay. Well, you made it work, I think.

I need another, I mean another 40, this'll do it. You remember in high school, right? Look, look, look, oh God, it didn't work. It didn't work, I'm too tired to think. And then I'm like, I'm fucked. You made your way through the MCing. Yeah, I could've done it better. You did cut a couple, you cut a couple of them short though.

You're like, so the thing about is... Uhhh... I just couldn't. And here's Carl Spital. Anyway, here's Carl. I had something good. I can't, my brain's not working, man. I don't know why. I feel bad, but... Well, we had a couple fans come out. That was nice.

Thank you guys for coming out. Except for that one guy that always interrupts. Was that one of our guys? Yes, he was at the Long Beach Show too. You yelled at him at the Long Beach show! I think I know who you're talking about, but he was the one yelling on the other side of this? Yeah, the producer of Josh's show. The guy with the glasses?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, did somebody finally tell him to shut the fuck up? Right away, I was like, oh thank god. Good. Okay, here we go. Guys, don't go to the comedy shows and yell. Don't go to one where a guy's taping! Yeah, he's taping a special, you're not're not going to help. I'll be in the special. Hey Vito, you posted that like super killer

like ad and in one part of the ad you say you want him to kill Batman. Well, we can't use Batman, but here's the guy who looks like Batman and yeah Vito, we want him to kill Batman. That's why fan games are good. That's why people make them is because we want that man, but it's giving us shitty knockoff Batman Cool, you know that but it would be better if you thought Batman would so they just released a video game called Suicide squad kills the Justice League where you get to kill Batman hated it and all you guys cried about it You said I can't where you get to kill Batman. Hated it. And all of you guys cried about it, and you said, I can't believe they let you kill Batman. So, make up your fucking mind. No, that's not the reason why though.

It's cause it was a lame death. Cause it was a woke and gay. Yeah, cause it was a woke and gay. Oh. Okay, I'll just make, you know what, I'll just make bat, you know what? But that doesn't lessen Batman. I'm gonna cancel. Now if Batman came back, I'm like, I'm back for it, baby.

I read a lot of media that expands upon existing Lauren and events new characters. There's no part of me that goes, I hope Batman's fucking in it. I'm playing Fortnite. I hope I get the Batman skin. I hope I get the Peter Griffin skin. So you're saying just have a fat guy. I hope Batman's in Mortal Kombat.

That'd be awesome. I think he is in there. Joker's in there. Omni-Man's in there. I didn't be awesome. I think he is in there. Joker's in there. Omni-Man's in there. I didn't play that one. I played the Predator one. Leatherface. That one's great.

Yeah, every franchise should just be, well, let's just have the mega franchise. And all the characters are in one shared universe. And the Ghostbusters can meet the Care Bears. And the Care Bears can meet the Transformers. That would be amazing. What are you talking about? They did that.

They did that. No, what was it called? It was called a 90s cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue. And they lecture about drugs for an hour. Alf was in there. Alf was there. Garfield was there. The Smurfs were there.

The Teenage Minis... Well, actually, only Michelangelo was there. That was the only Ninja Turtle they got. I used to own a VHS copy of that movie. He's the worst one to lecture about drugs. He is the worst one. Because he's all about, well, I guess he's like- Partying. He's the example of the straight edge stoner dude who's like, hey, man,

you can have a lot of fun just eating pizza and fucking skateboarding and shit. That ruins him. I should have had Donatello on there. Leonardo, I guess, would have been better. I think the best part of Cartoon and All-Stars to the Rescue is when they pull the older brother, it's about a younger girl who finds out her older brother is doing drugs, and they pull his drug box out from under the bed, and they're all looking at it and they're going, what is that?

Oh my God, what is that? And Theodore from Alvin and the Shipment goes, I think it's marijuana. Really? Yeah, it's a pretty, for some reason his delivery of it was very memorable to me as a child. Theodore... Theodore instantly recognizes weed. Yeah. Uh, shit. Look, 90s cartoon all-stars. Alright. Or cartoon all-stars to the rescue.

So you don't want 90s cartoon all-stars? No. Is that what you're saying? You want to live in a world where that didn't happen? That's fucking bullshit, bro. If you bring up the video I can find here, full movie, I can find it pretty quick. All-stars, and so you're saying you want to live in a world where that didn't happen Full movie I can find it pretty quick Yeah, I'll find it. It's like right Brainy is in it dude everybody's fucking always there. It is there's the box. There's the box. There's a box The bitch was a cartoon too right here right here. Okay. Okay. You want to put it on well We get copyright struck or something. That's probably I'll do a domain by now You took it and what's in that box?

None of your business! And keep your hands off! What's all this for? Either someone's conducting a major chemistry experiment, or this is a serious no-no. Toto, something tells me we're not in cartoon territory anymore I hate to suggest this but my guess would be marijuana Oh, it's Simon that's what I meant to say Simon obviously. I think it's marijuana What a what a nurse smoking? How the fuck would he know I did fuck up the names of the chipmunks, and for that I am forever. They're rock stars though, they would know.

They would know, they've seen it on tour. They've been raped by P. Diddy by this point. Where the chipmunks, smokein' and tokin' like never before. Uhhh, okay, how about this guy? Hey, what's up dick, what's up, dick? What's up Vito? Yo, I've actually got a quick story about that mercury fish thing I had a friend who got COVID and it fucked up his sense of taste for like a year so that the only meat that didn't taste like total dog shit was fish and So that's all he ate for a year and he ended up with mercury poisoning. Oh, so yeah

But what does that mean? Died no, but you gotta have alcohol poisoning. Oh shit. No, it's like your liver's like fuck you some shit You got all no, it's the same thing That's bad you can die for my report get in your fucking brain you could die right, okay I don't know. Hey, Dick and Vito. This is Five Voicemail guys. Just wanted to give a recap to everyone of last week's episode, if you're listening to this next week. What happened was Dick went full anarchist and said he is anti all laws.

And then when the abortion conversation got brought up again, he said that Vito convinced him that the abortion pro-life laws should be put in place. I didn't say that. Anti-all laws, pro-life laws. Well, murder. Also, Jack Krill's Vito about his conic because it's not in his hands right now. See how the team, he couldn't stop. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa he couldn't stop. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm gonna keep going, I'm gonna keep going. See how he couldn't stop with one as his pilot. It's because he's got a lot of good points.

Also, even though the only reason he cares is because he's in some kind of pissing contest with the dickless Eric July sphere, and Vito has told him that it's coming at a rate of three to four pages a week, and there's only 20 pages left. So, Dick just can't see more than one week into the future. So it's gonna be ready in two weeks?

Didn't need to be four hours long. Two weeks. Two weeks? It's done? Yeah, it's done. You're kind of making weird shapes with your lips while you're saying that. It's already out.

I sent it out a week ago. See? I don't know what you're saying that. It's already out. I sent it out a week ago. See? I don't know what what you're saying is real What do you want? I told you when it's coming and it's coming I'm okay with the law against murder. Okay, you're okay with the law against murder. It's just that there's like a hundred thousand other laws What if I want to push black people to the point of poverty so they're basically dead What are you personally? Denying them employment and denying them opportunities.

Denying them housing. That's fine. Okay. I mean at what point though? Cause in the 50s when that was happening. It was okay in the 50s. No no no no no. In the 50s when that was happening it was because there's already total government takeover

of our money. So yeah at that point just make whatever laws you want. Doesn't matter. You got to go back like to the to 18 to 1776 when there's like eight laws. That's it. Stop right there. Okay. No more laws. Murder, stealing, horse thievery. Dog killing. No, I don't think there should be a law against that. It's your property, right? It's your farm animal. Just murder. Yeah. Yeah.

Dog torturing, oof, not a federal law. Not a federal law. If you're gonna start torturing animals, that's gonna be city by city. Well, he brings up a lot of great points. Thanks, Five Voicemails Guy. Yeah, okay. How about the one that says, Veto is right? Is that a joke?

Is everyone confused by that? Is that a joke title? The murder? Let me see. Where is it? Veto is right. Veto is right. Okay.

Hey, as much as I love clowning on Veto, the one thing that I have to say is that he's probably totally right on the UBI thing. I think what Dick's talking about specifically when the government would just print money in order to give it to those people as opposed to reallocating their insane spending into UBI instead because that's not new money entering the market. That's just a redistribution of that money. And also on the topic of like, I don't know, burgers costing $80. It's like you, the pricing power that a certain company has is only, is only like dependent on the fact that they are like the loan player in that market. If you have other people that are going to charge $70 for a burger,

and then it'll go back down to what it was before. So. Well, that wasn't helpful at all, but thank you. What do you mean it wasn't helpful? I mean, I thought he was like gonna make some like helpful points about UBI. And then it's like, well, one guy can sell a burger

for $80, but then a different guy will sell a burger for $78, I'm like, oh no. Yeah, but the problem is if you make it illegal to run a burger stand without, like, workers' comp insurance to the tune of like $50,000 a month, you kind of can't just open up a competing burger shop, can you? If you have to buy meat from like a government e-tag meat distribution plant that adds another $100,000 onto your monthly spend. Does it make any sense that businesses are responsible for health insurance?

Because I always made... Do you know how that exists? I used to, but I forget. In World War II... Was that a New Deal kind of thing? I think it was in World War II. They said no more raises. You can't give anybody any raises.

Because of the war? Because of the war. So companies said we'll pay for your health insurance. And then as that went on, they're like, well, you can write it off in your taxes too. But companies can write it off? Yeah. OK.

But no, it doesn't make any sense. It's horrible. It's like, it makes no sense. It's like bizarre. Yeah. They don't care about you at all. No. OK.

What do you think? The show is too long? I've been worried about that we can shorten it up Well, I don't know right now like it from Oregon four hours and 12 minutes You guys need to get your shit together Wow the directors cut up the Lord of the Rings the return of the king Was four hours and like 18 minutes you guys have no fucking reason I promise you you do not have that much interest you should wow for four hours and 12 minutes Why do you listen to any part of it?

cuties and abortion Yeah, it might be You brought it up a little bit Jesus Christ All right, yeah, I did go fuck yourself and yeah Okay, someone suggested we do that thing where we go. Okay, and that's the show and now we're gonna read voicemails So the show's over you can leave now if you want, right? Honestly, I want it to be like even more like creating and horrifying like and that's the show It's a woman screaming and nails on a chalkboard

That's what I used to do for my show The show's over we're doing voicemails because people would really get upset if you don't say, Show's over. Right. I was gonna say that's what you do with your show. But instead, I like the voicemails are like an app. Superchats, don't listen. If you're listening to the show past right now, you're gay. You're a fucking idiot. Yeah. And you have a small penis. For those of you still listening, this is the good part of the show. These are all the fun apps. Everyone else stopped listening before. Actually, they were the gay ones. Well, now I don't know what to think.

I'll have to keep listening. I was going to say, you don't have to listen to the whole show. What are you going to miss? Now you do, because you're going to miss good stuff. Well, I mean, you will miss good stuff. We have a lot of good stuff. The alcohol starts kicking in. The super chats come in.

They're saying crazy stuff. Null went on a fucking... Null had a huge hissy fit when he came back. He must've gone to... I saw he was yelling at Riketa. Is that what you're talking about? Yeah.

That's bizarre. He went to tantrum school and he came back and showed off everything he learned at tantrum camp. Oh yeah, cause he went away for a while, right? And he was upset that Nick Riketa called you fat instead of calling you a pedophile. Yeah, it's not enough. Nick's not going hard enough.

How dare Nick call! How dare Nick call! Well I had a my thing also that the Kiwi Farms people, we took some photos at the fun stand-up comedy night. Yeah. And Josh Denny was wearing a shirt with triangles on it. Pedophile. And they went, well there there you go, folks. There you go.

There's those classic, speaking of voted up, I should have just fucking brought that one in. Pedophile symbol conspiracies would have been a way better one. There it is. Here is from Kiwi Farms. I scroll it over a little bit. So first, they were putting it next to,

so Josh Denny was wearing- Here's us. Yeah, there we are. It's us with Josh Denny. I tried to wear a shirt that Josh would wear. You were trying to predict a Josh Denny shirt? Yeah. So we're just hanging out having a fun night and Josh Denny is wearing a shirt that has a pattern of triangles on it, that's it. Just regular, his shirt is more complicated than mine so it looks better. It's more of a Dan Flashes type thing, so this screenshot at the top comparing the boy lover Triangle pedophile symbol to Josh Denny's just shirt with some triangle shit on it is That's straight from kiwi farms. Look at this pedophile symbol

pedophile symbol and we're in a restaurant that's kind of a that's related to a pizza restaurant Anything could be going on yeah,, exactly. Those could be little- If those aren't pedophile triangles, those are clearly tiny little pieces of pizza that he's symbolizing there. Here comes this retard. Wait, which one is it? There's a number of retards. Let's see. Oh, okay. Luckily, some people were pushing back. I think they started saying,

this is even a little too schizophrenic for us. Some people on Kiwi Farms were like, I don't know, man, I think that motherfucker's just wearing a triangle shirt. There's an obvious resemblance, but it's not the same symbol. The main difference is that it's not a pedophile symbol at all. It's a triangle.

The main difference is that, number one, he's not a pedophile, and none of us are pedophiles, and it's just a triangle. Let's assume we were. That's the main difference is that you one he's not a pedophile and none of us are pedophiles and it's just a triangle. That's the main difference is that you are a total retard. That's the main difference. The main difference is that Null is 320 pounds. That's the main difference and can't do one push-up. That's the main difference is that Null cannot do one push-up. Why would anyone go, I'm gonna get a cool pedophile shirt to wear to a thing.

Guys, we got him. We got him. We nailed it. Look, there we go. Look. See, it's every... Josh has covered every eventuality of pedophile. Josh has turned these kids into complete morons. It's insanity. It's triangles inside triangles. It's triangles with no inside triangles. I mean, this is real degeneracy happening on his shirt. I think I was more upset about the guy who went Apparently this is a reference to some movie called Weird Science

And I went oh my god I don't even fucking know what Weird Science is And then they started going off on wait It's a movie about two kids who make a woman to have sex with so it's a reference to a pedophile Science fiction film and I'm like you just can't win with these fucking people. Yeah that's what weird science is about! Pedophiles! Weird science is about two teenage boys Yeah um

Getting pedophiles by a robot Making a totally unrealistic grown genie woman Yeah appear in their house Not their imagination, no metaphors involved As I put it Pedophile involved As I put it- Pedophile movie! As I put it-

It's a fucking pedophile movie! I post a picture to Twitter, or it's like, Hey look, I had fun at a thing. Here's me and my friends, and Queer Farms is like, Oh, we're gonna get these motherfuckers. We got him, we got him, we got him folks. When you reach the level that a guy goes, Hey, I had fun at a comedy show, and you're searching it for secret pedophile messages.

Look at this fucking pedophile. it for secret pedophile messages. Look at this pedophile shit. There's an obvious resemblance. Well they start to get into, he must have known that it's not actually a pedophile symbol, but he wore it to troll us into thinking it was the pedophile symbol. And I'm like, you guys are fucking crazy. Can you believe that Noel has to placate these guys and kiss their ass because if he does and he doesn't have any money, right? he has null has to go out and stream and pretend like this isn't retarded because he turns off the

I'm entertaining like retarded shit spigot the money dries up. Yes. Could you imagine that? Well, there's a lot of people who I think that's their audience is just- That's their whole scam. Their whole thing, yes. Look at this shirt with triangles, that's a pedophile shirt. The other funny thing is-

I guess it kind of is. The only reason Vito's making fun of us for saying that his friend's shirt is full of pedophile symbols is a normal person wouldn't make fun of us for that. It's because he's so upset about what we're saying and I'm like no it's just fucking nuts there's an obvious resemblance my friends out at a comedy show and you went and you're drawing the fucking lines you're fucking the put the paper on here he farms they get they got the buzz at Washington DC look at the giant cock

Penis, have your eyes. It's an obvious look look look look look. I'm sorry. We're an eight-year-old Penis Jesus It's an obvious resemblance But it's not the same symbol at all Yeah It's a it's a shape. It's a trans...one of the basic geometric shapes. It's not even like...if it was like a crazy star. It's a triangle. I saw a shape.

Oh, it was a triangle? How'd you know? What are you, a pedophile? Nah, I was a circle. Just kidding. I'm not a pedophile. I don't know what to do with these people anymore. The main difference is the boy love symbol. Bro, you shouldn't be talking about... Nah, I was a circle. Just kidding. I'm not a pedophile. I don't know what to do with these people anymore.

The main difference is the boy love symbol... Bro, you shouldn't be talking about... Boy love symbols at all. You shouldn't be talking about boy love symbols like that. That's crazy. Is one continuous line not two separate triangles? I think Vito is pretending the boy love symbol doesn't exist. We did an episode about the symbols. I know that the issue is not that I don't

know that there's a squiggly triangle that you guys think is a pedophile triangle. I fully admit that you believe that. I'm not, oh, Fido won't even admit that there's a squiggly pedophile triangle. No, I'll admit that you believe that that is a thing. And there's some weird FBI document that maybe it was a thing. I don't fucking know I don't get it, but also there are regular triangles clearly and a shirt that is a don't try it There's just it's a weird science shirt, it's a reference to an 80s movie you guys are killing me This show is and again this show has 100% pedo free content so I don't know why that should be the 100% pedo free symbol. Matt put that on your mat bar that's the symbol I've read in the FBI crime statistics that that is

the anti pedo symbol so you should put that on the cover of rock and roll ninja so everyone knows. There you go no no squiggly triangles. Crisis averted. Crisis has been averted. I don't know why I didn't bring that in for voted up. It makes perfect sense. But uh... Okay, wait. That's my Kiwi Farms thread. No, you gotta keep... Vito pretending to symbolize... Yeah, yeah. On his own art...

Is what gives me pause. What is... It gives me pause? What are you like, me pause? What do you like Seneca? Pause I see the triangles on the shirt, but it is this guy driving like by a road hazard I don't know sign on like whoa whoa whoa they got some kind of a pedophile construction zone here. He's trying to make it yeah hazard thing the fucking cones Again the cones the others the triangle ones, okay. Yeah, the zield sign you mean there's a lot of triangle signs No, no, no, I'm talking about the ones that go on the ground. They're like orange okay, dad sure cones

I mean cones also go on the ground their triangle Are you saying this is kind of suspicious that you see a pedophile sign and something like that I don't know what you're talking about little triangles on the ground. Yeah. Oh shit Where do they do this for what purpose? Because they're digging secret tunnels for pedophiles man. What are you talking about? I have the secret pedophile tunnels. I don't think this guy Let's see. All right another retard. I think this guy might have a shirt as a pedophile dog whistle. Uh oh. Wow.

That sucks. It's suspicious. Get out. Run. Get away while you still can. Drag it over at least. I don't think this guy is wearing a... No, no one can read it now.

It's too small. It's bigger on their screen than ours. Just read it. I can't read it though. No, it's all messed up. I don't think this guy's wearing a shirt as a pedophile dog whistle. Here we go, but it does raise my eyebrows how upset Vito is about this. I'm fuming mad. About what? That shirt? I'm fuming... no! He's like saying that because I went on Twitter and I said, they're saying they're trying to uncover the secret pedophile mysteries of Dost and his shirt. They're going, oh, see, he's mad about it and that's what's suspicious. The shirt wasn't suspicious. That would honestly be very suspicious.

It's him pointing out how retarded we are. That's the suspicious. That's why you can't win at all. No, you can win. If you don't react, they go, see, if he want, he should be saying right now that it's not a pedophile symbol, but the fact he won't say anything is suspicious. And if you say something, they go, well,

the fact that he's protesting, that's suspicious. The only way you can win is by making a podcast. Raping a kid and getting away with it. Well, I don't want to. That would be the ultimate oven of Kiwi Farm. I did it. I didn't even like it. and I fucking got away with it I did get away with beating up that woman. That's pretty good. Oh, yeah, that was awesome

That's a couple of times there you in trouble for that. Yeah if I were in veto shoes I'd probably momentarily wonder what the fuck and go back to my normal life You would you would look at a triangle shirt and go, what the fuck? He's saying the normal thing when a forum full of retards is dissecting the secret meaning of your friend's shirt is to completely ignore it. They found the shirt! This is all they do! We're like,, let's go to a fun comedy show, we'll take some pictures. Alright, guys, I found the shirt.

If I was in Vito's shoes, I'd just give him Roman cherry what the fuck. And then go back to my normal life and not spurg out and show everyone I know the alleged meaning of pedophile symbols. Remember guys, right now I am coping and seething. Yeah. We're playing the You Mad Game right now. Somebody sent me the null clip. Somebody told me he really melted down.

I heard that too, yeah. I heard he was very upset. We all kind of backed up, fat rage. He's probably a big boy these days. Oh yeah. Just- He's super upset for something he claims is so inane and untenable. What is... untenable?

I don't know. I can't follow that. This shirt is untenable. What?! Oh, this shirt with the triangle is untenable. Which doesn't feel normal. Oh, okay, as long as... I'm pretty sure anyone on this earth have said, hey, you know that picture you took

at a comedy show? This shirt's untenable. A bunch of people are trying to find the secret pedophilic conspiracy of your friend's shirt. They would say, those guys are pedophiles. The guys who were saying that are pedophiles. Right. They're 100% pedophiles.

I think most people would go, I find this interesting, and talk about it. You're saying that toiles. I think most people would go, I find this interesting and talk about it. You're saying that to say, I think these people are crazy. Well, I'm just suspicious that he would call us crazy when we're just looking at pictures of a man's weird science shirt and trying to decide whether or not it's a secret coded pedophile reference.

Yeah, you're a pedophile if you're thinking that. We've crossed the Rubicon with QE Farms. I used to think they were like above this, you know? No, you broke Noel's brain. I used to think they were like slightly above the QAnon Pizzagate bullshit, but no they're like right in the thick of it, huh this shirt is apparently apparently This shirt is apparently This shirts apparent. It's the shirt that's from weird science shithead This shirt is apparently a reference on the night of Josh Dennis a shitty 80s movie

That's this guy's science is a shitty 80s movie, bro Oh, I'm sorry. It's not never been Yeah, sorry, it's not cannibal corpse or whatever edge Lord shit You guys are watching a shitty 80s movie that became a shitty 90s sitcom that launched Vanessa. What's her name's career? Kingpin perhaps you've heard of it a shitty 80s movie fuck you I Just I don't I don't know what you do with these people at this point or maybe maybe he's just a little cow Like did they think that judge can't not read what people are saying about him either way? It's funny. Did I bring the shirt with me to make Josh Denny put on?

Yeah, I call him up ahead of time. He said hey, you know that cool pedophile shirt You have can you wear that for your comedy taping or like do we buy the shirt at the same time? And I just didn't wear mine that day What is the thought process like that arrives at Josh Denny wore his pedophile triangle shirt? To take a picture with Vito at his comedy taping To own us specifically they think it's done to taunt them That's the weird thing. Null does this too. It's all like the it's like the pretend PR like well You know it's because he's reacting like this and it's really if he would if he would have just you know

Not just said like oh my goodness Well, I can't even like I suppose that's interesting and just gone if he would have just said, like, oh my goodness, well I can't even... I suppose that's interesting and just gone... If he would have just ignored us and not made fun of us, then I could understand that. But because he's making fun of us. About that unlicensed reference material thing. He was fuming about... I can't believe they turned that into 20 minutes on their stupid comedy show.

That was the most retarded thing you've ever said, Nola. That was in like your top 10 stupidest fucking place. He has a major, we have a major handicap because I can't say the F-slur. Yes. He's allowed to say it in anything. He should be winning based on that alone. If I could say the F-slur and slurs, it would be game over. Yes.

We're handicapped. Push-ups wouldn't even, yeah. We're handicapped big time. We're batting with a handicapped. We're playing patty cake. You got every weapon in the arsenal. You could bring up weird memes and all sorts of things to hurt us. You could say, and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and

and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and

and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and You still walked right into the fucking rake of unlicensed reference material It would have been so easy to win that one just go this comic sucks, and here's why It's because it's because This character is being accused of committing a crime. That's like how veto feels unfairly accused of being a pedophile All right, no you nailed it fucking media media literate. No I'm looking forward to the big review of super killer from a no All right, Noel, you nailed it. Fucking media, media literate Noel. I'm looking forward to the big review of Superkiller from Noel. I mean, too, because that would mean it's out.

It's gonna be cool. The fact that Vito in the same episode would say something along the lines of, you know, we can't get rid of the Civil Rights Act because then all these businesses are gonna start denying black people's service and products, which is totally unfounded. And he knows that because in the exact same episode he would say oh well they're doing all this DEI sweet baby crap to appeal to black people or minorities

so we can get their money and everything which one is it dude? It's not every business. That's true. Don't worry, they're still section 8 housing. That's true. And I'm not going to go demolish all that right? But it's not right back tomorrow. Don't worry. They're still section 8. That's true. Don't demolish all that right But it's not just all the payday loans and then cash like people and women cash checking places. Those are staying open Okay, all right, not only just apply to black people

Be fine. All right, don't worry about it. That guy's black too at this point in time Honestly, it would be you would have a lot of people that would not rent, you know Apartments to fucking trans people and stuff. That would be the new one. Oh, you found a new minority to pretend to care about? It's not a new minority, it's the one that right now, like, I care about everybody should I get housing and shit? I'm not gonna fucking take that away. You just shifted from black people to trans people? It's like that.

You use black people as the civil rights example as a default. You do. Well, yeah, well, I think a lot of people do, because the Civil Rights Act was mostly fought on You use black people as the civil rights example as a default. You do. Well, yeah, well, I think a lot of people do, because the Civil Rights Act was mostly fought on behalf of black people. But it applies to more than just them. OK, it depends on what time in the- Who's applied to.

It depends on what time in history we're in. So what are you saying the Civil Rights Act attacks? After 9-11, you think it was really easy to get a fucking apartment as a Muslim guy? No, it was probably a little bit harder. But thankfully there was- I'm afraid of them. Yeah, everybody was, I better rent him this apartment or he might pull a fucking jee-haw down on me.

Might fly a plane into it. Well, I want, you should be able to go to an apartment viewing without a fucking bomb detonator in your hand. Do we have like a- You should be able to just look like a normal guy. Do we have a sound for like a veto, the savior of colored individuals? What's the way to say that? People of color?

That's right, right? Did you say colored people? You're not supposed to say that. No, I didn't say that. National Association of Colored People. I said colored people potomists. Of colored people. So it went from black people and now you're defending trans people and Muslim people after

9-11. You're invoked to 9-11. It depends on what's going on in time, but there's always, you know, there is discrimination. So basically it's like, white people won't give in. Are you saying, why are you saying somebody else won't give in? There's still like a lot of housing discrimination. Poor the landlords. There's still a lot of housing discrimination.

How does that work? They look at people and say, are you going to steal the copper out of the walls? No, they look at them and they just don't give them a fucking apartment. It's their house though. It is their house. So what's the problem? The government should say you should give them a fucking apartment. It's their house though. It is their house. So what's the problem? The government should say you should give them your house? Not give them your house, but if they've got

a good credit score and they don't have a fucking criminal history, why not let them in? Well, right there what you said is the problem. The Civil Rights Act makes it illegal to run a criminal background check. I don't believe that's true. Yes, it's true. For housing?

Yes. Look it up. Okay. Criminal background check illegal. It is illegal for private and public employers for five or more employees to ask about criminal history until the later stages of the job application process. So that's not what you're talking about at all. Yes it is.

Why are you gloating? It's illegal for them to ask about criminal history. Why did you leave off the last part of that? Because that's bullshit. Later stages. That's just like, oh yeah, how late was it? Well, ten minutes. Oh yeah, that's illegal. Wait, what? No, they're saying you can still ask them about it. You have to wait for like, late, until a later point and then you can ask about it. It can't be like the first thing you can't just immediately go no matter what anybody

You know apartments are rented like right away. It's just one application. You don't go on a fucking interview. Here's my application. There's no further contact. It's like here's my application. Did I get it or not? Yes, or no. Well, I don't remember if they check criminal background history, but I know they legally cannot look Says it doesn't say anything about it. Why would you think why would you think that it would be legal to run criminal background? investigations on people you're renting to I Don't I just assumed you could. No!

But you can run criminal background checks on people for fun. Yeah, for fun. But not if you're going to not rent them something or not hire them. Well, it says there you can do it if you're going to hire them. Later. At a later point. They definitely do it for jobs. At a later point. Okay. Well, I don't actually know.

Welcome to lawsuit town. Rentals. Let's see. Housing providers sometimes check whether a person has a criminal history when making a housing decision. Sorry, what's the title of that link that you're looking at?

Fair Housing and Criminal History. No, above that. CivilRightsDepartment.gov. What do you think their job is? To not let you run criminal background checks. It says right here you can run criminal background checks. Why are you always lying to me? Okay, look, uh, there's a gray area due to the high demand for rental housing. What's gray area?

I mean, landlords are not allowed to refuse an application for someone with past drug use. However, if the applicant was convicted of manufacturing or dealing drugs, that's a legally acceptable reason to deny the application. I'm fucking correct! Why do you always gaslight me? You can't- That's not a criminal background, Shrek! What are you talking about? You're just manufacturing or dealing drugs! Yeah, if you've been convicted of manufacturing or dealing drugs, that can be used against you because they're like, we don't want you doing that on our property. You're just mad because I'm right. What was that?

What was that site? That was the fucking California housing thing. You can run criminal background checks. OCCriminaldefenseattorney.com. That's not a fucking valid site. It's just some attorney's blog. And it doesn't say criminal background checks. It says manufacturing drugs.

Are we really doing this? Are we really doing this? Yes, because you have no idea what the Civil Rights Act is. Okay, alright. Landlords in California, what you can and can't do. Oh, Zillow, another fucking blog. Zillow is literally one of the biggest fucking rental, like one of the biggest resources for people who rent shit. All of this is just written by, um, written by like a 25 year old girl off Fiverr. This is not a legal resource, Vito.

California recognizes that while housing providers have a legitimate interest in screening potential tenants, individuals with criminal histories face barriers to housing. Because of this, California has adopted regulations with respect to criminal history and housing. What does that mean? It means- What does that mean to you?

Hold on. In your mind? Without reading more, what does it mean? Shut the fuck up. mean to you hold on your mind without reading more and I mean shut the fuck up Can I conduct and this is for renters a criminal background check? Yes It is lawful for housing providers to conduct criminal background screenings and you may state your intent to do so in a rental listing however, you may not you may must ensure that any adverse action such as denial of an application is Due to a directly related conviction that means the conviction has a direct and specific negative Bearing on a non-discriminatory interest or purpose of the housing provider. So

Don't fucking cut it off. I'm trying to find the part that like defines. Okay, here we go Well, according to law all of that stuff is important. Okay, here we go. Well, according to the law, all of that stuff is important. No, here you go. Here's what you can't consider. You cannot consider arrest that did not lead to conviction. Why? That means you can consider arrest that did lead to conviction. So no one's been convicted of a crime.

It does not mean that. You can consider that in rentals. It does not mean that. It just means you can't consider that. Go back. If I do consider criminal history and employment, which is okay, you're allowed to consider it. Implement best practices and practices. Okay. Look, there's certain, you can't use like civil infractions. Why not? There's cause it's against this criminal,

this civil rights code. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So there's like some limits, but you can still run criminal background checks. You just can't use it. Yes, yeah, so there's like some limits, but you can still run criminal background checks. You just can't use it. Yes, you can. What does that say? It says you can use it. There's just certain things you can't use for, like you can't use the mere fact that you go, a black guy and you go, hey, have you ever been arrested for any reason, even

if you weren't convicted? And he goes, yes. And you go, well, I'm not going to rent you a house. You can't do that. Keep reading. Okay. Information indicating an individual has been questioned, apprehended, or taken into custody or detained.

That's basically the same thing, right? Okay. Infractions. So breaking the law. Like what? Like a speeding ticket. You can't deny a guy housing because of a speeding ticket. Why not?

Because it has no bearing on his ability to live in a house, whether he speeds. Why not? It's not going to negatively impact your property. All right, all right. Referral or participation at a pretrial or post-trial diversion program or deferred entry of judgment program. So if they entered AA or something, or if they entered one of these programs.

That'd be a good reason not to rent to somebody. Maybe, but you can still consider their criminal history if they've been one of these programs. That'd be a good reason not to rent to somebody. Maybe, but you can still consider their criminal history if they've been convicted of a crime. Basically it's saying, all this is saying is if they've been convicted of a crime, you can deny them housing. Okay, what's the next one? Criminal convictions that have been sealed,

dismissed, or expunged, or declared legally inoperable. So they have to still have convictions on the record. That are not expunged. That are not expunged. And educations are matters processed in the juvenile justice system, so they have to have commit. on the record that are not expunged that are not expunged Okay, and educations or matters processed in the juvenile justice system So they have to have commit so if an adult commits a crime and it's on their record you can deny them housing because of it So I'm right no, you're gonna try not right that you're right right because it's Zillow You're such a cock sucker! You can't have me read the whole fucking thing! You said, read it! Read it! And then I read it! And you go, well that's just fucking Zillow!

That's just Zillow! That's just Zillow! It means nothing! It means nothing! You're a fucking idiot. You fucking asshole. I can't believe you made me think I was wrong. You are wrong! Oh shit, am I actually wrong? Can you actually not convict her? No, you can absolutely consider their fucking criminal history. If they have a conviction, you can deny them housing because of it Don't look for more shit. I'm already right. I'm on the government site now Okay, good find the one thing that you're gonna creatively twist around to go Well, you see the way they're gonna interpret that and yeah The thing is that the ESG guys what they'll do is they'll get in there and then the DEI guys and they'll spend their money

Well, just say I'm right for once just once in your fucking You have no idea what you're talking about Just say I'm right for once, just once in your fucking cocksucking bullshit argumentative life where you always have to be right about every fucking thing when I give you direct fucking proof from one of the largest rental houses in the fucking nation. Zillow! Zillow! Zillow! The people whose entire business is set up scamming people to buy property.

This is your fucking- This is an SEO article. This is your goalpost bullshit every time. Is that a goalpost? Zillow's not the fucking government! Well read it! Just read it then! Why don't you just read it? Well time! It's not a goalpost! Zillow's not the fucking government! Well read it! Just read it then! Why don't you just read it? Well that's just Zillow. That's Zillow.

Why are we even reading Zillow? Fuck you! That's what I said! Don't read Zillow! It's bullshit! No retarded. Why don't you come back next show and you can tell me all about how there's this loophole and blah blah blah. You don't have to rent to people who are convicted of a crime. That's it. Uh... You can... How long do I have to wait for you to find something now? Well, I'm on the actual government side now.

Okay, what does it say? May a housing provider lawfully check an applicant's criminal history. This is from the civilrights.california.gov. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This means a criminal... There's a direct... Yeah, yeah, we already read that. No, no, no. If a housing provider wants to to deny someone housing it must be based on a past criminal conviction. I'm Correct just deal with it Wait What Okay, wait

I'm John just Sam right. Just say I was right. The nature of the severity of the crime, the amount of time that has passed since the... For example, a ten-year-old... This one time, I know you want to rule this lawyer out of this thing and come up with some creative, like... A recent criminal conviction. Well, actually, in a libertarian society with no laws, when you look at... A recent criminal conviction. Vito, do you even know how the banks work, Vito?

Vito, do you even know how the banks work veto veto do you even know how the banks work a recent criminal conviction for residential arson could be Directly related to the risk that an individual may in your other residents are but because there's a rational relationship Because it disproves you again Arson you don't have to run to them because they might burn your shit down yeah I don't think so we're done we're done we're done it's over should the provider's policy of practice look like how are you still going through this because I want to actually read it I don't think you're right how everything you've read directly supports my very simple claim that you can run a criminal background check on a fucking rental

applicant and deny it to them It's not an outrageous Claim I don't think so Vito. Oh my god. This is why this show isn't sufferable I don't think every week my fucking every week I get oh dick was right dick was right because you always Even when you're backed into the corner on anything you just find some stupid Cranial the fucking rules You can't just let it go Two different sources how many sources do you want you had like a lawyer?

Call him up he He doesn't know. New law! This is gonna be your out. This is gonna be your out. You're gonna find some new gay law. Well yeah, this is the law! This is actually a law! Prohibited uses of criminal- okay. Alright. We already went through that. New law as California's criminal record is quite hopeful for fine housing. Oh, this is your out?

This is gonna be your out? That a new law might give them a little bit of hope uh Let's do it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Third source dozens of cities Crime-free you're sweating more than a high on you right now our Fuck I can't find I give up. It's literally clear criminals complaining about how hard it is to get housing as a criminal. Yeah, entire article

I don't think that's accurate though. I Think it does Go oh, that's interesting. I was wrong. That's it. I don't think so. It's interesting. I didn't know I didn't know that I gotta look up on my own time that's interesting I didn't know Vito you think you can run criminal background checks on yeah I'm pretty sure I'm pretty sure you can I don't think you right, oh my god this fucking show dude Stop bringing up weird PDFs from different principalities Sure fine stop can we move on from all right fine All right, I guess you win, Vito.

Wow! One W in the fucking history of the show that you've admitted to. I guess you win. Finally. I guess you win. Thank you. This one's from Adam Sesler.

Hey, voted up. Adam Sesler, biggest problem in the universe. Yes. He said it himself after his Twitter meltdown this week. I kind of have to agree with him. He might be the biggest problem in the universe. I can't say why, you know, I can't exactly pinpoint why he's the biggest problem in the universe. But I'm pretty sure you guys could piece that math together. Thanks. Bye.

Fuck you, Vito. We love the Jews. I love you too, buddy. Stop scrolling through tenant background check shit! I'm just looking! You're not gonna find some silver bullet. I forget how that started. I think it was about jobs too. It was, probably. The jobs one is more important.

Well we gotta read super chats at this point, right? Well guys, remember, uh, the show's too long for a show. I don't think you're right, Vito. Just keep saying it. I'm gonna get, I'm gonna get a lawyer in here. To figure it out. Explain how well it might say that on paper, but really, this or that, blah blah blah.

That's exactly what I'm gonna look for. Exactly, that's what you're gonna do. You're gonna do one of those. Yeah, like a real, like actual- Veto, do you know anything about the banks? Do you know anything about the banks, Veto? Yeah. Veto, do you know anything about- No is the answer.

Have you heard of the Federal Reserve, Veto? Do you know anything about interest rates? Yeah. It's always this like- I don't think you can. It's always this appeal to some other like- have you met a lawyer, Veto? I'm pretty sure you can't though, Veto. Alright, good.

I'm glad. Guys, we're going to read super chats. Get them in. Thank you to all our members, all our people with our memberships. We love you you and we respect you. Okay cool for two. Thank you for not killing yourselves has man for two Coof is late. You are a twink. No, he beat you. You just missed it has man for five yard men Don't be silky. We have veto the fat dumb monkey who's always kept things light and funky in our memories He's forever. Chuck. Hey, I and you you guys gotta, come on, you can rhyme yourselves. Pretty good though, you have to read them.

Stop relying on ShedGPT. Jordan Lewis for Ten says, since the weight loss attempt is officially over, Veto should just do some eating content like at a buffet or maybe a heart attack grill. He needs TBF to us and post an eating challenge video. If that wasn't a joke, that would be a good idea. Hazmat for Five, mukbang Veto, stuffing his face like a pig Veto, clogged arteries Veto. Guys, these aren't like getting less... Second coming of boogie Veto, always chowing down beef and broccoli.

Alright. That wasn't AI. No, no, I'm just saying like... What? What do you want to do, like a hundred Veto's fat superchats? I get it. So lose weight! I'm not going to.

Well then you're gonna get this! Okay, well they're not that interesting. You gotta read it though! I'll read them, eh eh. Uh, LOLNO, I put up 235 on the bench, meanwhile the veto's over 300 and Josh hasn't posted one push up, total pay pig victory. Hazman for two, iBitch get me a coke for Josh, chop chop! Hazman for five, PKA new fan, new, oh wait, PKA fanKA fan new bigs problem fan catching up on some lore so Maddox is a cuck dick like sloppy seconds Vito is gay and who the

fuck is that crazy fan of mine faddix the grave for five hey Vito forget the losing weight meme if you can get the 400 pounds by the end of the year I'll let you do whatever you want to my cat. Well, maybe I will. Hazmade for two, why is Dick all up in Vito's booty? Hazmade for two, Dick is your bench pressing Max more than Vito. I would assume so. Cole Markland for five, where are the food videos Vito?

We're no longer interested in movies, video games or comics. We want buffet tips. Let's get some fog for shame. You loading up that fog machine anymore? I don't know. Britsman for two. Dick's booty with a breathalyzer instead of scale.

Jacob Cercia. Yeah, I mean, breathalyzers don't really... Oh, shit! Do those toy breathalyzers actually work at all? I have one. Why does it always come out of there if the fog machine's over there? Do you have like a pipe? I have two fog machines. Well that's retarded. Yeah I do have a breathalyzer but they don't really I don't know I don't think they're accurate. I have to say that though in case I ever go to

court. Well Jacob Cercia for 320 yen says the internet reactions podcast. Michael Grundhart for 9.99, shout out to my fat friend. Oink oink veto, thank you. Benjamin for 10, love this show, quick question. Was that dad who sucked his son's ear doing some sort of family gesture or is that a sign of evil thanksgag? Oh, that was fucked up.

Yeah, what was that? Let me look, let's look. I was like hoping that it was just a really young looking 18 year old twink. Dude. But I think that was a kid. Well then when he turns on like the... It looks like he's with a kid. Let's see.

Sucked... Yeah, sucking ear. Sucked ear. Hit latest. Okay. Kind of chewed his ear. Oh wait, here it is. No, there it was.

It's a wood chipper. It's probably in response to that. No, no, no. There's another one. Okay. It kind of chewed his ear. Oh wait, here it is. It's a wood chipper. It's probably in response to that. No, no, no. There's another one. Oh, he is responding to it.

But right below it, there, there, that. This? Yeah, that has it. Okay, so what is, this is the World Snooker Championship, which normally I like. I like a good round of snooker. And somebody was watching it and then they, in the background. This is a little boy. It has to be, right? It's a young boy, man. There's no way that's like a like a

Like an adult like a- Yeah, like a little tiny adult, but no they're like really short, too. That's definitely his- Okay, so he's ducking in to this guy here. Yeah And the guy's used to it and this guy's like hungrily Nuzzling him and sucking on his ear and he's like kind of backing away unless it's a unless it's his wife Well, that's what I'm saying is like that like a little woman or something But they wait on it. No, but they waving like a gay guy. That's a gay wave No, but they waving like a gay guy. That's a gay wave

That's a gay kid, maybe it's like a little like tomboy no woman goes hey That's a little guy. They do they do that no dude look That's not a lady Maybe it is a lady. It could be a lady It's either It could be a lady. It's either a... Bro, it's either a lady or a 13 year old boy. It's impossible to tell. I hope it's a lady.

Because it makes no sense otherwise. Like, what are you going to do? Well, otherwise it's a fucking pedophile. Oh, they're giving an interview over there? Yeah, reasonably speaking, it's a lady. The more reasonable explanation is that it's just a little tiny lady but it does look like a little gay boy. Might be a pedophile. Might be some pedophile stuff. Well, you be the judge. That would be a good series. A woman or a pedophile. Pedo or woman. You be the judge. Michael Grunhardt. Little boy or woman. Shout out to my friend Vito. He's a good pal and we love him.

Thank you Michael Grunhardt. Badgerman for 10. I love this show. Oh, we did that one. Coup for two. I for one like your man Martian's intro. And I think it's well put together. Terjorie for two.

Trucks me everyone. Hazmat for two. Vito is a cool guy and my best friend. Awesome. Coup for five. You want someone to pay for your Vegas hotel What do you think these super chat money is for come to Vegas you wop? when is it and I got a look up when the dates are Vegas is fucking expensive man. You just wanted us to go for

Skank fest we should go to skank fest It would be good here's a bunch of guys. I don't want to go to a Vegas with a bunch of fucking guys and comedians This is a comedy podcast And Legion of skanks one of the biggest comedy podcasts is putting on a Comedy fucking show it's like three nights, of other comedy podcasts. Ryan Long's gonna be there, Sam Hyde's gonna be there, Shane Gillis is gonna be there, and I'm pretty sure that I can either-

What's your favorite Shane Gillis joke? Well, I like his skit, the one about dibs. Have you seen that one? No. It's all about when they were first coming up with how to like dole out women or whatever. It's like, well, we'll just do dibs. And they're like, I don't remember exactly. It's a very good sketch. Also, I like when we made fun of how Asian people say noodles. Regardless, okay, Sam Hyde, Ryan Long, a bunch of other guys, and I asked Louis Gomez,

I'm like, can past guests get it like a discounted ticket or something? And he said, I got you. I don't know exactly what that means. That means you get in for free. It sounds like I get in for free. So we should do that. You should come, we should go to Skankfest. Why?

Because, okay, we have a popular comedy podcast and what we should do to grow that podcast which will Yeah, you more money which I know you like is connect with other people in the comedy space Yeah, but I'm not good at meeting people. I am so just so you do it It's if I meet people like this is like so I'm gonna go to skankfets They're gonna go what do you do when I go? Oh, I do a great show with Dick Masters and they go oh is he here no Just do I do a great I do a great show so I gotta do all the networking Well you want you want to do it you should want to do it I don't I hate networking

I know you do but it's one of those things you have to do. No you don't okay You don't have to do it you could just be by yourself on an island as it turns out yeah Well, I guess that's true, but you didn't do the Android Tate thing he did that so you have to network because you fucked up And I fucked up. I'm fine. I could have that Tate money Well by being a just trafficker. Yeah, well traffic is basically If I'm gonna commit crimes against women, it's gonna be murder Not trafficking. Why do you hate Vegas so much? I don't hate- I love Vegas. I hate comedians. I

Do not want to sit around and listen to ten guys Talk over each other in a- in some fucking Vegas mall Alright, man. This is Wow Well, what is it? It's a fucking comedy show. We do a comedy show You think comedians don't know work and meet each other and it's a fun thing and they go. Oh, that's great Hey, you know what's great is I have a podcast or they have a pot they then what? Gillis. Oh, man. I really fucking can't believe that SNL is and something as you were great on SNL like the culture I was totally re interaction with a human being sound like the gayest most contrived is who gives a shit about any of it

It's just meeting people who also make comedy it can be just fun and hanging out I met Ryan Long and Danny and they're great That's pretty good for like 10 years Look I know you guys have to meet every day. I gotta meet a guy I know your idea of like getting out there and like promoting the show is hey guys. I'm on W ATP again Can you believe it, but it would be good if we told him not subscribe to the show? But it would be good if we branched out. I told them not to subscribe to the show. Great. It would be nice for us to branch out. I got Destiny in here!

We got Destiny. Oh, maybe we all go on Hack the Movies. That'll really boost our fucking brand. The point is... I don't know, man. A comedy festival? What the fuck, dude? It sounds fun. In Vegas? Yeah, what are you talking about? It's just drinking and jokes. You like jokes. I like jokes.

I like drinking. Well, there's gonna be both. I don't like jokes. Alright. If I'm not doing a show, don't fucking make any jokes at me. Well, maybe we could do a show. I don't know, maybe we could do a fucking taping at Skankfest. It just seems like so kind of like, I don't know, desperate. Why do you make anything- sounds desperate.

You're such a piece of shit, man. That's so terrible. Everyone is just like, hey, you know what would be cool? We all such a piece of shit man that's so terrible everyone is just like hey you know what would be cool we all have a bunch of fans they all love comedy let's do a show together and like I don't know it sounds kind of fucking desperate why don't you just like sit at home and collect patreon money like me do you want like a good show or do you want like hey look I'm hanging around with like a somebody that everyone pretends is a celebrity? Can you not talk shit about Skankfest? Can we be positive about Skankfest? No. Look at you. Okay, great, good. That's good.

I really want everyone to know that- It's just like so gay! Shut the fuck up. Legion of Skanks is doing a fun, cool comedy thing in Vegas. It's very exciting. Hey look, everybody we're so funny! Ganks is doing a fun cool comedy thing in Vegas. It's very exciting It's gay and it's desperate Okay, wow you are you are terrible. I thought I was poisoned for this show, but that is like What do you watch then anything I've ever watched comedy online, and you're like wow that's so good have you ever thought that it's just like no you just want you Watch coming you're like I wish I had that like I wish I had that audience you don't think like oh, this is really good right

Yeah, right. You're I mean you know I have no idea what you're talking about I have no I watch it's not if you want to ruin Skankfest, I'm in. I was. We're not going to ruin Skankfest. Stop it. I just thought it would be nice. You know, we've been on Legion Skanks, so they're very nice to have us on. They're great. I'm sure they're all having a great time. They're great.

They're just gay and desperate, and I can't believe they're putting on a gay, faggy comedy thing. It seems fun. It's just not my tempo. I don't know. It's not my tempo. It's not my tempo. I'm a tempo. Yeah, you're the fucking band leader here. I don't know. You're the my tempo. It's not my tempo. It's not my tempo.

Yeah, you're the fucking band leader here. I don't know. I'm not a band leader. You're the band leader of all of comedy and everybody else. It's just not my tempo. I'm a little more of a... I do, uh, you know, what I do is I come in and I have my same buddy and for five years we just sit in a chair and we make fun of fat women. Eight. Eight years, okay. And you know, that's really more what I do.

I wish I could make fun of fat women. You wish. You know what? Actually, that's really more what I do. I wish I could I wish I wish I could make fun of fat women You know you know what actually that's kind of part of it. Yeah Nobody but me makes fun of fat women the way I do well Maybe I've been I've been drummed off the face of the earth I am people are making fun of Jews, and they're kind of back on Twitter making fun of Palestinians blowing up their houses and stuff sure but the one thing they don't do is make fun of fat women. And I do that. I think maybe this would be your chance to show them.

Show them the light. No, because it's not economically viable. Get on stage, skank fest, and you go, here's the thing about these fat broads. Nah, they don't like that. Okay. Remember when we were in Adam 22 and I said that, and Adam 22 was like, I like them that. Okay. Remember when we were in Adam 22 and I said that and Adam 22 was like, I like them big.

Okay. Okay. Maybe you're a man out of time, Nick Masterson. I looked at you, I was like, are you serious? Maybe you're a man out of time, who knows. Anyway. I don't know, for how long? How long do we have to go?

I think like a day or two. We don't gotta go for the whole thing if you don't want to. I would go for the whole thing. If you want to leave after a day I don't care You could find out when Ryan Long and Danny Polishchuk are doing their shit. What do you do like oh hey wow great to meet you I really love your comedy jokes What is this? What is this like?

What's the fucking point? What's the fucking point? Hey, do you want to come on my show so I can use you for views? Why are you so cynical about everything in life? It's not- Because it's- It's a community. It's like kind of cool that they've built this thing. It's like a lot of guys who, you know, aren't getting TV fucking deals and maybe can't get a Netflix special. It's like some real comedy shit. Okay, you know, it's Ryan- Sam Hyde's gonna fucking be there you love that guy yeah I do okay well that's good look there's go look through who's

gonna be there we should go all right I'll look I would be good for the show to just show our faces show support at the very least I don't like good for the whatever I don't really buy in on good for the thing. You're right. I can't do that. At the bare minimum, at the bare minimum, maybe stop calling it gay and pathetic. I think that would be helpful. I didn't say it was gay and pathetic. It seemed like for us it would be like... How is that any different? If we did it, it would be like... Okay, we'd be the gay and pathetic ones.

It just seems like we're kind of like biting onto it. Well, you don't have to be that cynical about it. You're getting in your head. I do. Okay, be cynical. I'll tell you this though, random guy says, for 10 Canadian, does it seem foggy in here, gentlemen? Probably because I left the fog machine on.

Very possible. Uh oh. Oh no! Shit, it has a delay. Coup for two, total male victory. So, Tergery for five with that new problem inducing sound dick found The biggest problem is brought to you by TX THX and Dolby surround. I forgot James garter for two total tired all week the Josh the fucking Josh center show on the Monday really fucked me up

It was yeah did kind of fuck up my sleep weirdly, but uh Made made the best of it James Gardner for two total is real victory Mark Nelson for a big 50 on the board dick listening to your show carries me through my miserable life Thank you for not deleting yourself. That's great. Beautiful. Fuck your life. Sorry and mark I I think you think dick should enjoy his make his life a little less miserable by going to a fun comedy tour With all his favorite comedy friends. I'm just kind of like driving off in the middle, and I'm gonna Drink and fuck everything up. I think we just like we would just we'd message We feel like a fucking Frank is like we like Danny Paul's we've been on his show a couple times

He's been like Danny. What are you doing tonight? Is everybody drinking or something? We just go hang out. That's it. And then just sit around and drink. Oh Yeah, like you would never do that. That's not a thing you ever enjoy guys. No, I honestly would not I've seen you drink with a bunch of guys. I didn't like it. You want to go to the strip club? They got the strip club in Vegas. Yeah, but are they yeah They'll definitely I'm sure you can convince a bunch of guys to go to the fucking side I don't have to convince it's not gonna be it's not gonna be hard to convince them. I'm sure okay. Sometimes it is Okay, I'm gonna put this idea in your head. You're at the strip club with Sam hide. He's screaming the women are screaming I don't be laughing lump the strip club. I'm gonna be

Assaulting women like Harvey Weinstein. Well, that's why they're screaming. That's what I'm talking about women like Harvey Weinstein. Well that's why they're screaming. That's what I'm talking about. Oh. Stop making jokes. It's Sam Hyde's up there and he's strangling a bitch. Salting? Yeah.

Oh. Because he's crazy. Turkey sandwich for five, bankrolling Vito's booty last week overdrafted my account. Oh my God. But the Q-tip payoff was worth it. You really got me with that one. Thanks, Turkey. Because I said smash it and you said, oh, you don't want to smash this one.

I can't believe, that was pathetic. That was too easy. Yeah, well you were convincing. you don't want to smash this one. I can't that was pathetic that was too easy Yeah, well you were convincing. I wasn't really though I did this thing with your eyes you did this thing with your eyes We're like you really don't want to do that So turd me for five imagine you thought why is he was going to jail but instead he escapes and Chuck's dicks in my ass Nobody wants that dick in Vito. Nobody wants that I need to make you a better Chuck Dixon cut out so we have sucks Cuz it's got like a big like missing part of it for some reason

You're not even lined up at all Carl's battalion was congratulating me on my excellent miss piggy on the fly. Yeah, where's fucking Chuck? There's Chuck But somebody imagine It's cuz they put this fucking There's Chuck. Oh yeah. What was that guy talking about? I don't know, but somebody- Imagine. It's because they put this fucking stupid shit up there. Yeah, why did they do that? It's retarded. Imagine you go to Vegas and you're sitting around at a bar of comedians. Nobody wants that.

Right. Nobody wants that. Nobody wants that, Vito. That would be awful for our comedy podcast. We're trying to grow and network and whatever else. That would be the worst thing in the world to meet other comedians and talk to them about comedy. It would be terrible for us. Talk to them about comedy.

It would be terrible to go to a show being put on by one of the top comedy podcasts in the world, Legion of Skanks. It would be awful for the show if we went to that. It would make no sense. It would be gay and pathetic. Yeah, it does kind of sound like a good thing. Thanks, Chuck.

All right, Chuck. You cock sucking one. You would know. Yeah, it would be gay and pathetic. Yeah, it does kind of sound like it would be gay and pathetic. Thanks, Chuck. Alright, Chuck. You cock sucking. Yeah, but imagine you go there and then you accidentally suck a bunch of cocks. That would be... Nobody helpful. And then you apologize. That would be gay and pathetic. And your blowjob is bad, Vito.

Imagine that. That would be gay and pathetic. Who wants that, Chuck? Who wants that? You, apparently. Me, I want that. You do, Vito. Alright, Chuck. Get all those? You, apparently. Me, I want that. You do, Vito.

All right, Chuck. Get all those dicks out of your ass, Chuck. You're killing me. The dicks. That's my name, Chuck Dicks in my ass. It's still really funny to me that... See, what do you... Like then what do you go to...

Comic legend Chuck Dicks. Then what do you go to... Sorry. So then what do you go to like a bar in Vegas and you're like, oh yeah, we did this thing, it's like Chuck Dix in my ass. I think you just play it by ear. We could go, we could gamble, we could drink, go to the Golden Steer, have a good time. You saw, we were both yelling at what's-his-name. Muddahar? Muddahar went to fucking Gordon Ramsay's steakhouse, which he fucked up.

Either go to the Golden Steer or what? Imagine you go to a steakhouse and it's just a bunch of, a big cock shoots in your ass. Who wants that? Instead of a steak, who wants that? Nobody wants that. Hey, who wants that, Vito? All right, Chuck, thank you.

Very helpful. Chuck, are you gonna go to any big comic conventions? Maybe well I'm not gonna go to the Vegas Comic convention, how about a comedian can yeah, that's a type of comic sounds fucking gay I don't want to go to that. I love it. That's why I love it, but nobody wants that no Imagine you go to a comedy convention sure right, right and I love it, but nobody wants that. Imagine you're going to a comedy convention. Sure.

Right? Right. And you go into the comedy convention. Yeah. What are you looking at? I'm trying to figure out how to look at you, Chuck. Are you over there? It doesn't work like that.

It's not like Conan. I'm kind of confused. Imagine that you're, yeah? Yeah. I'm kind of trying to imagine there Yeah, yeah, and then you're networking and it's like oh that didn't go very well Then you're just driving home for six hours. Nobody wants that It's in Vegas. We can hang out in Vegas. There'll be stuff to do even if we are the fucking pinball museum We can go to the pinball museum. What's wrong with the pinball museum? Nobody wants did you go to the pinball museum? Chuck cuz it's a bunch of fucking pinball shit. Who doesn't the pinball museum. What's wrong with the pinball museum? Nobody wants did you go to the pinball museum? Chug because it's a bunch of fucking pinball shit. Who doesn't like pinball?

Honestly because I'm too hungover they got arcade games there too X-Men. I don't think they have X-Men They got a mold-o-rama Donald duck mold-o-rama that plastic didn't I tell you about that? It's a big plastic mold making machine from the 50s that Disney used to make. You get to watch it injection mold a toy for you. That sounds pretty cool. For $2. That sounds pretty cool.

And then a little injection molded Pluto comes out all hot and mine came out with its head missing and I went, well that was a waste of two bucks. But maybe you'll do better. That's pretty cool still though. Yeah you can paint it. Alright, where's the? I think it's this tab here. I tried that but it got all fucked up I guess it did all get fucked up. Oh my god. What are you doing? You have like I'm doing it you have like the control button clicked in

It says video monetization Okay, just hit monetization and then scroll Okay, just hit monetization and then scroll up. Uh oh. Did we get fucked already? No, hold on. There we go, super chats. They can't get rid of my super chats. There we go.

That's great. Uh oh. Alright. Why does it have a picture of Chuck Dix in my ass? Did you just set that to be the... No, I didn't set shit. Somehow you made Chuck Dix in the thumbnail. Good you just set that to be the uh? No I didn't set shit! Somehow you made Chuck Dicks in the thumbnail good work Maybe it'll get fixed. Okay. Well that was that was a waste of everyone's time

Let's see That was Chuck Dicks and kicks mechanic for five. I'll be in Orlando next week any suggestions for places to drink and eat or do Something cool. I missed the last show. I'll catch it on the plane keep killing it I don't know what's in fucking Orlando. Do you? No ask Mersh Go to a wet and wild Is that real? It's a it's a water park. Oh Okay, it's a pretty fun water park. My only happy childhood memory It's going to wet and wild

Let's see. Okay wet bander for five enjoyed seeing you guys at Denny's show, lots of laughs, those black women missed a lot of good jokes. Oh man, they got so pissed off. Hazman for two. Hazman, I'm outta here, godawdawdawdaw. Hazman for two says something about pigs, who cares? Jared for five, I'm laughing my ass off at Vito taking a glorified RPG maker tutorial course in high school and thinking he knows software engineering.

I didn't say I know software engineering, but uh... You can make a guy walk around. I can make a guy walk around. I definitely did that. Frog Tony for five. I'm so glad Riley booked Vito to be on our CG Scumlord show. Maybe next time Vito will wake up on time. Shut up Tony, your comic looks like shit.

The gentleman sausage. Did you not wake up in time for his show? No, I just was doing something and I lost track. I forgot I was well They did sent you got to tend me like an hour ahead of time so I mean message go Hey, we're going live in an hour. Just do that and then I won't forget. Well, were you scheduled? Yeah, but I still you just had no respect. I was scheduled like a week ago. You gotta go Hey in your calendar. No, no respect at all Anytime I go on a show if I do a show with anybody,

I go, hey, don't forget we're doing that thing today. No, if you agree to do something, you should be there. You should show up. Why do you think that they send like Zoom reminders and shit, you gotta remind people. Zoom does that. Okay, if you have a podcast and you invite a guest,

so you gotta message them the day of. Well, because they are incompetent. Yes. So you are relying on other people to treat you like you're incompetent. It's their show. But you can just easily make a calendar reminder. Yeah, or I could just forget, which I did, and you can just remind me. Whatever.

I saw their message. Do you never make calendar reminders? I make calendar reminders. For people you respect. I just sometimes forget to make a calendar reminder Okay, I forgot to make a calendar reminder for min show cuz you asked me like the last minute I also assumed they would just send me a message because men we DM all the fucking time We're in a bunch of a bunch of Twitter groups that were all like shared in that everybody's in it's not just her It's like there's okay her and Riley and Tony and whatever else So I just assumed they'd be like hey, we're going live in 15 minutes everybody get in do you need?

Kick or keep to send you a reminder. Yeah You just if you don't show up you don't show up. I've had kicker keep I went oh fuck I'm supposed to be on a kicker keep hmm. I Mean I usually remind myself like like a self I suppose man a kicker cute hmm. I mean I usually remind myself like like a self Like I'm not losing sleep. I'm not losing sleep over the fact that I was ten minutes late to the CG scum lords show I don't even know what that is. It's what Riley does now Riley and mint they talk about my rally. Yeah, he's oh he runs his own comic skate wrap-up. Oh, okay.

And- Riley and Mint's hilarious. They're great, everybody's mad at him. They did a great stream of Camelot's race. Oh, yeah, yeah. That was fun. It's always nice to see Riley reppin' the Killdozer gear with that drug shirt.

Looks great. Mint walked up to a conversation, EVS talking to somebody, and he like are you recording this? Oh? Yeah, and he goes we're in a private conversation What the fuck's wrong with you, why would you do that? That's a woman thing Man we don't broadcast our fucking conversation. Yeah, don't just walk into it. That sounds pretty awkward. Gentlemen, Sausageify, Vito find a Godot tutorial so you can big league Richard next week.

There's tons of channels out there. Find one covering a top down RPG. Yeah, hey, maybe I'll make a little game and bring it in. Yeah, do it. Taggerman410, speaking of Godot, play Cruelty Squad if you haven't already. It's pretty darn good. Cornenjoyer410, Vitoito when you were losing weight you were miserable But a lot more funny you've become significantly worse

serious since gaining weight Okay, yeah losing weight you were doing good now you're on the show Okay, it's worse. I'm gonna torpedo the show. I've decided. I'm gonna make it worse and worse It's funny. I'm just saying when you were losing weight you were suffering, but you were feeling good about your comedy Now that you're gaining so much weight You're I also feel good about my comedy I'm suffering no matter which way I go. So don't worry about now we could tell okay I feel good as man for two Rebecca, Rebecca is Sarah Mostajabi,

more like Sarah Jihadi. LJClauborino for five, every time Vito Wrongfully says we, play a We Suck Cocks clip, no new rules, they're always a gay idea. Stone Cold Flea for five, Vito we like you, but you need to lose weight for the fans, I loaded up the show and now my laptop is 10 pounds heavier. That's pretty funny.

Charlie H for five, bring back Vito stingers, maybe during bonus episodes. I should make some stingers. I wanna make some stuff. I've been busy. Just Ivan for five, Australian feels best joke is telling the parasocial sims who back their comic, he's annoying, comics are the new shit coin.

You're not annoying, just don't, if you're gonna get invested in something, yes, get invested in the comic. Don't get invested in my weight. Why? Because it's gonna go up and down, it's whatever. No, it has to go down. Well it's not.

But don't you want it to? Maybe. What do you mean maybe? If it goes down, that's good. If it stays the same, that's fine. Nah, this is like... It goes up, whatever. I mean this is like a refusal of the call like you're you're taking us from

The Dark Knight of the soul at the end of the story back to refusal the call. That's why people are upset Okay, we're not I'm not the hero's journey. That's it's an entertainment product Everyone get really emotionally invested in it. I approve, go nuts. You don't want them to? I don't know, I don't care. Why do you think they spend money? Because they're invested emotionally.

They shouldn't be spending money on this and they shouldn't be emotionally. Just because you don't wanna lose weight. No, I am, I do wanna lose weight. How much? I don't know, whatever amount feels good. None, negative 20? None, negative 20. How much weight do you wanna lose? I don't know, whatever amount. Whatever amount feels good. None? Negative 20? Not negative 20.

How much weight do you want to lose? I don't know, whatever. We'll see. What happened to 50 pounds? Yeah, maybe it'll happen. Yeah, but you used to be like so confident about it. Yeah, now I'm less confident. Why?

Eh. Now what? I'm just not going to get emotionally invested in it. Why? Because it's uh... It's not helpful to me. Helpful to you how? Uhhhh...

I'm just gonna take it as it is, man. I don't know. No, what is that? That means eating everything. Yeah. Under the sun. Sure. Why? What happened? What happened to, I'm gonna lose 50 pounds by next year, I'm gonna be 220 by next year, I'm gonna lose 100 pounds. What happened to that? Well, basically everybody

kept leaving comments saying Vito's making too many excuses, so I'm not gonna make excuses anymore and I'm just gonna say, I'm gonna eat whatever I want, see what happens. And there, now you know- So we should make more comments? Now you know- Make more comments. Vito's trying to reverse psychology you into making more comments. If you make more comments, I will eat more To spite you. You don't want to lose weight? I don't want I don't want to make excuses because everybody gets really mad if I do that. So I just want. Yeah, okay Don't make excuses. Okay. I'm not making excuses. I'm just gonna eat whatever I want. No, but don't do that either. Well, you can't have it both ways. Yeah, we can. Don't eat. Don't

make excuses for eating. I'm not making excuses. Okay. I'm just gonna eat whatever I want. There you go. That's the problem, though. No, the problem was making excuses. That's what everybody told me. No, the problem is the eating. Well, I was told that you're sick of my excuses, so now you're- Yeah, we are sick of excuses. Okay, well well now you don't have any, so now you should be happy. There's no excuses. Yo, why does it turn into this like, the fans are the problem shit? It's not that the fans are the problem, it's that I am not losing weight. Uh-huh. And I'm-

Is it a curse? No, cause I'm not trying hard enough. There, no excuses. How hard is enough? I'm clearly not trying hard enough, cause I'm not trying hard enough. There, no excuses. I'm clearly not trying hard enough because I'm not losing weight. Yeah, so what hap- so... So there you go. So you should try a little harder.

Or I should not try harder. Well, you gotta lose weight. Why do I have to lose weight? Because it's like better. It's better than what? Than not. Okay. So being skinny would be better. Do you want would be better. Yeah, I'd like to lose weight okay, so do it I don't know

Why I don't want it why not What do you want? I just want to live my life and see what happens And if I lose weight, that's great, but you're not gonna lose weight. That's great I'm not no definitely not okay. Well. I guess we'll see no we won't see you won't That's everyone's if I lose weight will be pleasantly surprised and if I gain weight it doesn't matter because I'm not trying So I have nothing to worry about Yeah heart disease and now everybody can leave comments and go. Oh my god. I can't believe vetoes not losing Well, you don't have to not believe it cuz I'm telling you right now that I'm not so you don't have to be so this is

Really like a family people saying like you got to lose weight. It's really affecting you. I Guess it's just uh It's not it's it's Like what can I tell you you know? I guess it's just, it's not, it's like, what can I tell you, you know? I'll do better. When it's like Vito, no, but I'm not going to do better. That's the point. You should though, you have to.

No, but I'm not going to. You have to though. When I see a comment that's like, I really hope Vito loses weight, I wanna tell you, well, I probably won't, so stop hoping for it. Yeah, but you have to do better. Okay, but I don't have to though. I can do anything. I can do anything at any point in time you get worse. I could get worse

Yeah, doesn't this sound kind of like boogie of you though? No because boogie would make excuses. I'm doing the opposite of boogie No, I'm saying has periods where he's like you're the problem. You're the problem. I'm not gonna do any better None of you are the problem. You're not the problem You are if you really really wanna be emotionally invested in my weight loss, that's fine. And I'm telling you, then I don't know what's gonna happen. We'll see.

What do you want to happen? I wanna wake up wearing 120 pounds as a beautiful man tomorrow. 120 pounds? Yeah. Look at, I wanna wake up in the body of Timothee Chalamet. Just be a weird, kooky, lily, little Willy Wonka boy. He's got to be like 150 or something.

I don't know, man. We'll just keep at it. We'll see what happens. But there's definitely not a lot of work being done, and you should definitely not be very emotionally invested in it. You think it's gonna work? No! I think I'll probably stay the same weight or gain weight.

Oh no! What about all that weight gain-weight loss stuff? Yeah, I know! It was a fun bit and then we stretched it out too long and now it's becoming like all a fucking thing. Yeah, it wasn't a bit for everyone though. Well, it should have been a bit. No, it's not Okay, well regardless everyone who said I'm tired of vetoes excuses I've heard what you're saying uh-huh, and I'll just say you're right I am a fat guy, and I eat too much you got it there you go. Just stop that That I hear what you're saying

I'll take it. I'll take it under advisement, Captain. I'll take that. I'll see what I can do. How's that? Well, no, I won't say I'll see what I can do, because that sounds like I'm making excuses. I don't want to do that. Are you going to see what you can do?

Are you going to stop? I have to say no, because I don't want to set people up. You're not doing the bike anymore? No, I'm doing the bike. How much? I did 40 minutes, 45 minutes today. Really? Yeah.

Okay. I'm trying to do like 30 minutes to an hour a day. That. Okay. And try to eat, right? But again, that'll sound like I'm making excuses or that I'm lying and I don't wanna do that. So I'll just say that I think I'm doing something. Everybody thinks I'm not. So I'll just say that I'm making excuses or that I'm lying and I don't want to do that. So I'll just say well I think I'm doing something everybody thinks I'm not so I'll just say that I'm not and then there's no problem

You know reverse psychology them. I'm not reverse acknowledging them I just I don't know what to tell you is that I'm trying different things. Some of them are working Okay, my weight is going up. Yeah, and uh, you gotta post everything you eat online I'm gonna do that no you have to that's funny I don't know how come you want me to go skanks fest but you don't want to post everything you eat online I think it's just I don't want people this emotionally involved in my way look I don't want to get emotionally involved in these fucking people you want me to go to Vegas to talk to all these fuckers here's what I want how about that if you post everything you eat online I'll go to to Vegas to your fucking gaze skanks fest. I'm not gonna do that chill factory. Why not?

I hate it as much as you hate that I fucking hate networking. I fucking hate it. All right well We don't have to go And I don't have to all these things we have in common that's fine If I go to skanks Fest you won't post what you eat. We'll talk about it some other time. Whoa, what do you mean? I'm not making that deal. Look, I would just like...

You need more steam? Hold on. Satan usually gives you as much steam. Give me all the steam you want. Veto. I just would really like for us to do a great comedy show. And I think we're doing that. Okay. Okay. And then we do like a great four hour show and it show and I think we're doing that. Okay.

Okay. And then we do like a great four hour show and it was really funny and we did the Miss Piggy thing and everything was really funny. Yeah. And I read the comments and all of them are, Vito's weight loss, Vito's fat, Vito's a pig. And I'm like, oh. We did the Miss Piggy thing. Yeah.

Well yeah, but I'm like. And it turned around on you. Yeah. And I'm like, well, I you yeah I'm like well I mean I know I'm fat and that's not gonna change anytime soon it would be cool if the comments were like hey that was a really funny episode a year and a half yeah oh you're right so I'll just accept that it's never gonna change does everybody want to comment on it every episode Vito's still fat like half the

super chats or Vito's a pig and I'm like I'd like to just like do the comedy part of the show not the again like this is not Biggest Loser. You got 80 grand for Superkiller though. That was not a weight loss thing why does that type of weight loss? It's a you thing they're investing in you. Okay so why can't I just make a- All of this shit, the weight loss and the comic are investing in you. Okay well- What do you mean okay that's what they buying! That's what they're paying for! I don't want to become the perfect man, okay? It's not gonna happen. That is incredulous! They're investing in you! They want you to be able to create something that you love!

It seems like people are investing in this like, insane fantasy where like, Vito's gonna emerge as the perfect man. You stop drinking Prime? Why would I stop drinking Prime? It's only ten fucking calories. Look, I got- Vito in ten thousand years you can invert as the perfect man. They just want you to lose weight. I'm getting a little bit better every day. I'm working harder on the comic every day. I don't know man. What do you mean better every day? All I can say is like I'm happy with the progress I'm making in my life, and I'm. I know it doesn't reflect on a scale necessarily. What scale does it reflect on?

Just all the stuff that's getting made, like the fact that I'm devoting my time to a project and taking it seriously. Everyone likes that though. And I'm working on my, I'm not gonna make, look, everybody's mad that I make excuses. I'm not gonna make excuses. No, everyone's not mad.

They're just busting your balls. It feels like I'm upsetting people. And I don't wanna upset people. Yeah, you gotta lose weight though. Okay, but it's not gonna happen immediately. No, you gotta lose weight immediately. Okay. You gotta lose half pound a day.

The fact that I'm not gonna make excuses, cause that's the worst thing in the world. It's not though, why do you think that? I don't have any excuses. You're right. I'm sorry if in the because that's the worst thing in the world. It's not though. I don't have any excuses You're right. I'm sorry if in the past they've made excuses Who are you apologizing whoever is upset with me about making excuses? It really hurt them and they're all invested in this and I yeah companies. I don't know All I know is something got something got into you. I Just want to do a like I

There's stuff. I I'm not doing right. Okay. I'm wanna do a, like, there's stuff I'm not doing right, okay? I'm not doing a good job of losing weight. Yeah. And we can post a million comments about how I'm a fat pig. And if you think that's gonna help motivate me, I can assure you that it really doesn't. Yeah, but it feels fun to do it, though.

Okay, if it's fun, then it works It's great and if it doesn't work, it's also great. All right It would just be nice if a lot of this show and it's I like it and I get it It's fun. A lot of the show is Vito's crazy. He says crazy things. Why would he do this? Why would he say this? It would be nice if we do a four-hour show and I think was a pretty good show and people go Okay, okay if you lose, if the weight is less, no negative comments. I'll get one positive comment.

You can just be like, hey, that Miss Piggy style was funny and Vito helped dick, do that part, I really liked that part of the show. Vito, we're making fun of a fat woman for that. What are you fucking getting off your high horse? We're making fun of someone's fat wife. And you know what, I shouldn't ask for people to be nice to me. You're right. Well no, I'm just saying we're making fun of a fat woman. Yeah, you're right. And then you're like, oh you don't like being called fat. I know! Look, I know. That's why I didn't want to- that's why I'm not trying to- again, I'm making excuses. So make a deal. If you lose weight, if you lose weight, no fat jokes.

Well, if you lose even down a little bit, no fat jokes. So if I lose weight on the scale, I'll get less fat jokes? That's what I'm saying. For the people. But I don't want to be a guy who says no fat jokes. I'm not going to say that. That's the deal. It's a deal. It's a deal. But that's not a fair deal for the audience. Why not? Because we make fun of fat women. I have to be willing to take that.

We don't make fun of fat women. I make fun of fat women. You make fun of fat women. But people should be allowed to take that. We don't make fun of fat women. I make fun of fat women. You make fun of fat women. But people should be allowed to make fun of you for being fat. If, ask the audience, is it a fair deal? It's just on top. Is it a fair deal if you lose weight, everybody relax, everybody chills, if you lose weight, everyone chills out on the fat jokes. Is that a fair deal?

To you? I don't want to, we don't need to make a deal. We don't need to make a deal. Stop it. Is that a fair deal? I'm not like a little baby who needs like a special deal that nobody's not little there's nothing little value I'm saying for you if you like the show is that a fair deal for you like the show Tell me you think the show is funny. It really does make me feel better about the show is what I Do is it a fair deal for you? Sure. It's a fair. It isn't a fair deal for you

That's you lose weight if you lose weight, if you lose weight one week to the next, they will relax on the fat jokes. All right, whatever. Is it? Sure, fine. I need a yes or a no. Yes, fine.

I can't function in the demon world. We need consent. I just. Okay, now let me put it to the audience. Is it? Let's see, so I have to pull. See, everybody's calling me, like everybody's pissed that I even bring it up. All right?

Look, say whatever you want. It's fine. It's not fine. Is it fair? What the fuck is wrong with this keyboard? See now it's a weight loss show, which is what I didn't- It's not a weight loss show! It's becoming a weight loss show.

I want to do a comedy show, that's all. Like the weight loss can be an aspect of it. What the fuck is going on here? Why? This keyboard is all fucked up. I don't know. Did something get in it? I don't know.

Somebody messed around with it. See, people in the chat are saying I'm making excuses Don't just pay attention to anybody in the chat What the fuck is this shit See it is a terrible deal cuz now everybody's saying it's I don't want to do the they we don't have to do a deal Look, you can call me fat. If you lose weight. I'm not. If you lose weight will they relax will they chill out for that week on the fat chance? They don't need to do if Vito loses weight will

You chill out on fat jokes for that week It's not the it's not that's the deal. It's I want to balance out the fat jokes with that's the deal though She was loose if you like lose anyway lose a 10th show. Great show. Very funny. And have a compliment. And have a compliment. And have a compliment. I just want to do a funny show. I want to make sure the show is funny and everyone's having fun. And when I see a lot of comments that are just like, I can't believe video is still fat, I hate this, blah blah blah. I'm like, well, is the show... I mean, the show blah blah. I'm like, well, is the show, does that mean the show's bad?

Yeah. Okay. Anyway. Yes, look, overwhelmingly. Sure. Anyway, I mean, look, I'm not gonna- You can ban anyone who does fat jokes if you lose weight. I'm not-

If you lose weight, if you lose weight, one week to the next, you can ban anyone who does a fat joke. I'm not joking. I don't care. Ban them, ban their super chats. What are you calling? All I know is that I'm trying. Okay, and you can say I'm not trying hard enough and you're probably right. I would say it's just way more complicated than that. 81%! Do whatever you want, guys. You can say whatever you want. I just- Definitely don't want to.

If you're going the right way, they don't want to be mean. They only know how to be mean. They only know to be mean to try to stop something they don't like. If you like the show. And the super chats are very, that's good. That's showing support for the show so those are good, too I just want to know people are having fun With the show I guess all right it would be nice to be it would be nice if the show was like wow what a fun Comedy show not I hate that weight loss show or that fat guy doesn't lose weight. That's because we're not

Yeah, exactly, I don't want a weight loss like 81% okay very good this guy says Vito your biceps are looking swole. That's fantastic. I'm very excited Who is this fucking guy? No, no, no, you don't gotta hide his comment was it no I'm doing I'm doing it now. I don't care I I'm fucking hiding people non-stop. I I don't care. I'm fucking hiding people non-stop. I Don't care. I'm not doing it for anybody. Ripaverse goalposts reminds me the super killer is late. That's thank you Ripaverse goalposts I heard Ripaverse goalposts was a child molester. Well, that's why he doesn't say who he is. I heard it was. I don't know about that. I heard that Ripaverse goalposts

Was a convicted child molester. Somebody told me that. I don't know if it's true. I don't know. But I heard that's why he doesn't show his face. I heard he was a pederast. Alright. And a child molester. And when I say child I don't mean under 13. I mean under 5. Uhhhh... anyway. Look at that. 80%. See I don't want to bring the show down. I don't want to be one of these guys. I don't want to be like a guy like a, again, I don't want to call out boogie, but like a guy who goes, why is everybody so mean to me? You can be mean to me. It's fine.

I get it. That's part of the show. No obviously not. Obviously not. It's not that. It's just- Obviously you're having a fucking meltdown. I'm not having a meltdown.

See this is what I'm worried about. I'm just saying I think we get in the spirit- If the weight goes down, no fat jokes. We get in the spirit on this show. But if the weight goes up even a little bit. Go nuts. Go wild. Go wild.

The 300 when all the arrows shoot up. Oinks and pig stuff and whatever else. That would be great. Nah, you're way past where it is. You gotta go down. No we're not. Yeah? No, bring back veto stingers.

We did that. Yeah. Okay, bring back we're not. Yeah. No bring back Veto Stingers. We did that. Yeah. Okay bring back Veto Stingers. Yeah we did that. Cypherson Sucked us for five. Tuck Ibon, biggest loser, Veto finish your comic. Yes. Coo for five. Showing a revolver, a brand for boys with a cherry blossom as a logo. The cherry blossom represents the woman's vagina that you're supposed to fuck. How'd you not get that? That's not a good thing for women. It's a revolver.

It's a long barreled revolver entering a flower. You're deflowering a woman. You're seeing the back of the revolver. That's you fucking her. I don't know man. It's like for men's stuff, that's like a, like men's stuff is like a big cock. Not a pussy. This takes a little bit of thinking about it's stuff, that's like a like men's stuff is like a big cock Not a pussy. This takes a little bit of thinking about it. Yeah, this is like a good men's logo. It's a big vagina Right men love vaginas right? It's like pachinko you want to open the tulip lips and allow your

pachinko balls to spill inside Whoa, there's a lot of there's a lot going on there All right. You guys are overthinking the cherry blossom. A very sad cat for five. Vito will never finish anything. He's going to let Shadowmatics release 20 comics before he puts out one. You're making us all look bad, Vito. Fat. Number one, Josh Denny fan for five. Guys, Mike David talking about you live.

Wants to be friends. Call Skype. Into the show live now for real contact Jules. That sounds like a lie, but send a message to... Jules! Yeah, send a message to you on Twitter or something if that's real. Send it to me on Twitter. Josh Crawford for two, would you rather piss a marble or crap a softball? Crap a softball.

Crap a softball. Yeah, Oklovich for two, I'm ordering my own super color lunchbox in Alibaba. Well, maybe if you find my vendor, you actually can do that. Dick Peninsky for $5.56. Maybe your finished comic will be in the booty box, Vito. Dick Wood for 10 pounds. Still waiting for the Eric X George team up. I think we're all waiting for that one.

Oh, me too, man. Come on, Maddox. Come on, Eric. Here's Daniel Gore for $50 with a, this is one of these great ones I'm talking about. Vito, if you were cast in the remake of Deliverance, would you be the pig or the guy fucking a pig? I'm going to make you squeal like a pig boy Wee wee wee P.s. When you take out your hat off you look like the mountain man pig fucker

Thanks, you gotta lose Dollars I'll take that all day Jared M Swan for five until Vito's comic comes out We should flood the super chats with suggestion for super killer story. Yeah, LJ clobberina for five units Did you see the new panel that you're in? Yeah, I did. That's cool. That's cool. I didn't tell him to do that either LJ clobberina for five George Lucas came out as a PDF file with Disney disavow Star Wars think of the younglings No, they would separate they They'd say that the woman

made it at that point. Yolanda Thinklestein for five, I'm going to start dressing in a suit and telling random people they're getting too close to the truth. That's a pretty good bet actually. On the John for Ted Canadian, yo, maybe your patron wouldn't drop if he posted any silly pants updates. Even Vito post stuff for his fake thing. Come on Richard, get with the grift. Clap chapter to short for five, do you think Vito would add a silly pants gate routine in super killer? Maybe. Maybe.

Board license plates for 10. It's actually really easy to tell if your house is haunted or not. It isn't. That's pretty good. Very true. LJ Claverino for five, homemade sweaters are not comfortable. I hate knitters.

Dumb username for five. Redmate meat explained simply. Red meat is a whole food. It's not bad for you. The studies did not take into account the other food, the test subjects. It just tastes too good, man. Like I got it.

Maybe it's all fake, but I just, I like it too much. So I got to not. Who told you to cut out red meat? Or what do you, Was this my wife? Was this something you discussed on your show? My whole family. Yeah.

Okay. Scar five. You're eating way too much red meat. You should be eating red. Maybe once in your life I said you guys fish no well Chicken you need scar for five my coat me co-worker said to me in an argument today Still pro pirate verse mr. No comic team guy who won't make videos We don't have Beatles booty money later, but I don't know it's not gonna happen. It's not gonna happen

I'm not getting that surprise has man for two. We love you has man You are so cool issue our heads man lunar cheese for five Canadian Vito Don't let anything dick says distract you from the fact that he hasn't done a single thing towards a silly pants skating routine in six fucking Years no I have okay. I. I was building up a choreography. Well... But then the Patreon dropped, so... What are you gonna do? I'm not doing it.

Ben Schaaf! For five Canadian. Books are for bribes. Ghost written and payment upfront regardless of sales. Come on, Vito. Benjamin for ten. I always knew Christy. Christy Noem was bad, but never had a concrete example until now.

Doesn't she know Americans would rather kill her than the average dog? Her eyes are creepy too. Eileen Wright but fuck you. Yeah that's true. Dog killing is a big one. If you met like a woman like would you rather kill this woman or this dog? Most people would kill the woman. Dick Wood for five pounds says Alec Baldwin got away with shooting a dog why can't Christie? Okay well that's a bit much. Lawrence Devaney for five Australian the Australian classification board is probably just as bad as the ERSRB but owning the uncensored GTA 3 on PS2 was kind of cool back in the day. Actually a lot of the problems with censorship are

specifically because of the Australian classification board where Sony couldn't get anything published there so they got really strict. Tesso for five at what point does a small mod become too big Vito maybe if the nude model has two axes that would be too much. LJ Calabrino for five Richard is not not a shabbit goy. Black Crimson for five Australian thanks for the snacks and thanks for not killing yourselves. Raster Town for 5 says I'm fairly new here. That was close. Am I to understand that Vito is unable and unwilling to lose one fifth of a pound per week to save their precious treasures?

Now I get the treasure regardless, which still doesn't make a lot of sense, but Jarby Jimson for 10, difference between Nintendo and Sony is where they're based. Nintendo HQ is still in Japan, so Japanese are on the ship. Sony JP was overtaken by Sony USA, and Sony USA doesn't like the JP market. Oh, that's interesting. Okay. That does make more sense. They've been compromised by women.

Benjamin for five, the way Batman died was gay. That's why it sucked, Vito. Do we have to explain everything to you? That is why it sucked. Okay. On the John for 10, Canadian, the MPAA has a bunch of weird rules around how they rate movies with sex, like only three seconds of oral or it's NC-17. But then they'll be like,

guy getting his heart ripped out in Indiana Jones, PG. Yeah, the rules are weird. And you can only say fuck once. It was PG-13 though. The movie that he's talking about was specifically invented PG-13, Temple of Doom. I think that's correct. Temple of Doom they saw and they said, well, we gotta come up with a new kind of rating. Temple of Doom. I think that's correct. Temple of Doom they saw it and they said well we gotta

come up with a new kind of rating. No. No. What? They saw Gremlins. Oh Gremlins was PG-13? No, Gremlins was rated PG and parents freaked the fuck out. They're like what the fuck was that? Why the fuck did you let me bring my kids to that? And they're like okay we need a new one. And coincidentally the next movie that was like But it was in response to gremlins where everybody brother could see gremlins was man Hey, fuck my dad made me watch gremlins as a kid. I'm like man. This is fuck I'm terrified. I'm legit terrified of this I shouldn't have seen a bunch of kids came out of gremlins and they're like I'm scarred for fucking life

Yeah, cuz it has a bunch of funny stuff, but then it's a lot of like actual horror Yeah, yeah, I'm pretty sure that's it. I may have gotten it wrong, but I believe it was grandma's sense And then it led into Indiana Jones Pineapple man for ten but sex is way different than a gremlin Yeah, it definitely kids shouldn't be See that Yeah, it definitely is. Kids shouldn't be. Kids should not see that. No. Pineapple Man for 10, we smokin' chicken stock soup kitchen blunts. Woke up on Skid Row with a marker in my ass.

With a marker in my ass! Went piss, said fuck it, back asleep, hostile architecture, ain't no thing, on three gorilla biscuits and a pipe of Hunter's Fun. Yeah, cool! I like that I have to try and figure out what these fucking emojis are So I've been sucked this for 10 you have zero reason to shorten these episodes up screaming at dumb super chats is funny I suck so many cocks by the way. I'm veto

That's pretty good James Gardner for 10, maybe no one to Eric's Amway Awards Somebody Photoshop no into Eric July's plantation outfit. He would have had a good time. Or he's sitting there jiggering around with his white pants. Dean Shock for Five, you know I almost bought a Luigi toy today that I remember I'm an adult. Also make this free show longer. You got it. Dumb username for Five Australian in the 90s. They hyped up the episode of the Weird Science

TV show where the chick was going to be naked but found a way to not show her boobs. Oh my god. Pedophilia. That's horrible. Cool for two I'd rather be called a PDF file than a kiwi farmer. I can't not agree with you. All gas no breakfast for five. The triangle road hazard signs are usually pop-up signs the truckers use when they break down on the highway. Yep. They put two or three of them down behind their truck. Yeah. I think I know what you're talking about. Kenny for ten. Team Guy Vito. Are you blacking people for calling you that now it has to be like a little you gotta rein it in I pose Okay, it has to be on topic. Let's put it that way. Just say everything I've either hey, man

I just like had a you know, I just saw a cool movie and people go team guy Vito And I'm like, okay That's funny dumb username five Australian medic 5australianmediker knows why Eric July is funny, but he won't go after something if people are telling him to, and it's probably funnier to him to do the opposite. What? I don't know.

No one invited any of those guys to the party. Yeah, I don't know why they feel like they gotta be a part of it. Worsky, PPP, Mediker, Null, no one gives a fuck what any of them thinks about Eric July. Well, we're gonna expose Comic Skate. Okay, Andy Worske. And then you see that PPP did a show and he goes, look at how fat EVS is.

He looks like the fat vampire in Blade. He looks like that corpulent motherfucker from New Resident Evil. He looks like the ocean that someone drew a face on. How does anyone watch PPP going, oh, look at this fat guy. And you're like, what's the bet you're doing? It's a good bet. Hey guys, no one gets why what Dick and Vito are thinking is funny.

That's cool. No one cares. How is PPP fatter than me? I don't even try. Bro. Like he would have, it takes a lot of work to be fatter than me I'm going to say. Let's see. Carrefour for 10, great show as always. Thank you care for a moderator to the stars anime whole Rapist for a big 50 on the board says the Pokemon guy has a son on the way tonight Go get a special shout out to the ruination of his free time Wow, one of our favorite fans a man who scams Pokemon cards from children

Will now have his own child to go into the store and go, look can we get a couple extra packs for my kid? He's really into Pokemon. So you'll be ripping off all your local retailers. Make sure you pass it on to him. Way to ruin America. Way to create another grifting little son of a bitch to steal all the Pokemon away from the children.

Thanks a lot, Pokemon guy. Good luck to you. On the John for 5 Canadian. I can't believe Richard doesn't know you can refuse to rent to people with a criminal history, oh He doesn't know You can't mind blown no way. There's no way. I can't believe you were caught in a lie Where are we going where we go? No, we're not that we actually this is great. All right, here we go

Where are we going? Where are we going? No, we're not that actually this is great. All right, here we go Cool for two even when dick's wrong. He's right in the winter. Yeah, well, that's how this fucking show works JJ five Thanks for losing that criminal background check argument dick. Now the liberals are gonna win gamer gate. You blew it for all of us It's not true. We win gamer gate. We win Yay Only blacks in the video game and toads gonna be black from now on and princess That chick has a black boyfriend and everybody's gay And links gonna be a chick. Yeah

And trans Kenny for 10 vetoes fat super chat James Garter for 10 never do a breathalyzer Dylan Arnett finally for a big 50 says, Captain Ahab Masterson, I spot a well and a scale. At that, at that, at that, at that, at that, at that, on the John for two Canadian typical out of touch right wing millionaire. That's correct. You don't know what's going on in America.

Kay Swindle for five, come to Skankfest, be a dog, I will buy you drinks. See, KSwindle will buy us drinks. Kufartu says, does Skankfest have a puppet? I think not. JJ for 5 says, if you don't get Ralph to go to Skankfest, I'll get Dick to go too. That is correct. If Ralph was there, you would go. I mean, that would be a whole different party. Then it wouldn't just be hanging around in a bar talking about jokes that you had in your set. Okay

You're such an asshole. Because we did that on Monday and I get that. Every every group of comedians just talks about that. I did my stand-up and then after I did my stand-up I went alright, what'd you think about that bit? And of course Dick now is going, Yeah, that's the worst thing that ever happened to anybody. Well, it's great! It's just like, yeah, it happened, man, it's great. Good shit. Uh, let's see, Jeff M for five,

Dick wearing a shirt that says, I like jokes, says, I don't like jokes. What jokes do I not like? What are you talking about? What's that mean? You don't want to go to a joke festival. You can't like them that much. I like jokes, but...

Oh my god. Don't worry about it. I know, it's beneath you. Come on! Like everything on this show, it's beneath you. It's like three days and... Should we do a live show? It's beneath me. Should we do this? It's beneath me. Yeah, I'll do a live show like if there's something... I'm just gonna stay home and drink and watch speed runs on YouTube. Yeah, that'd be great.

Cool. If it was a speed running convention, could we go there? How does it make it funnier if it's in Vegas? Adjust your iPad, it looks terrible. Let's see, Dick wearing his shirt there. Joe Cool for five, Rich screw everyone for not inviting me to the big gun event. Also Rich, nah, I don't want to go where all these same people will be. Oh yeah, you didn't get to go to the cool gun firing thing

Well, maybe show up to this everybody go. Hey that dick's a fun guy We should invite him to more fun things that we do so he'll be there and we'll have a lot of fun No, I know that was a that was like a joke. Okay. I don't care about actually going You're right. Why have fun dumb username for if it was a gay rave in the fucking desert You'd build an entire Florida do like I don't do like internet celebrity shit. I fucking hate internet celebrities I wish I mean like what do you know if there's a mosaic contest will you go? Yeah? It's like that's a normal deal dealing with internet people like

Celebrities is just oh, how can I use you to get more attention from people? If I set up a puzzle contest at Skankfest, will you come? No. We could see how fast you can do a puzzle. I don't like internet celebrity or celebrity. I'll set up an art contest. I fucking hate it. I'm not gonna go hang around with it.

Then you're gonna be, oh man, I'm just so excited to be here, oh God, dude. That's so funny You go so fucking funny gayest most boomer II fucking events. Oh, I'm gonna go do fuck Yeah, with my wife that is what I I don't have to pretend to be To hang out with a bunch of guys and have fun. You're like, that's gay It's not fun is based none of that is fun. None of that is fucking fun Doing drugs by yourself or with a woman is more fun than hanging around with with all internet comedians.

I have to stay home and forget to grout my mosaic again. Yeah, that's that's fun. Alright man, whatever. I think a big fucking- So why don't you go? I probably will go! I probably will go! Why is it such a big deal that I go then? I don't know, because I'm representing a big comedy podcast that I got? I probably will go! Why is it such a big deal that I got then?

I don't know, because I'm representing a big comedy podcast, you'd think my fucking co-host would go with me, but you know what, I'll just go by myself. Great. Don't worry about it, you know what, I get it, it's beneath you. Yeah it is. You got a big show. Yeah actually it is. You're right, I got it. Not because of the show, just because it's like, ugh.

I know. All these little comedy guys they don't matter we don't like them that's stupid they're bigger yeah okay it's just dumb hey oh hey oh Timothy Chalamet oh hey I'm so glad to meet you why don't you come on my fucking podcast oh hey all right uh no you're right you're right you're right they're all it's all the black guy from It was in good burger. I really love you. It's gonna be there. That's true Chris Kattan. Give me Chris Kattan. Oh sure Paulie sure and Paulie and I

Mean any event that Dr.. Drew's gonna be there. Oh is he gonna be like just existing Who the fuck would want to Drew had to say I like Dr. Drew. I'm not like Dr. Drew I Did not know you felt this strongly about it, you know about networking and Like oh my god a big comedy show with a bunch of cool comedians that'll be fun. You know, listen to comedy. Dr. True, Chris Catan, that's a... You don't gotta go to the Chris Catan stuff, I get that. But he's not gonna be there, like I might see him. Sam Hyde, we like Sam Hyde anyway, okay. Of course, he's great. Dumb username for 5-0-0-0.

Of course, he's great. Dumb username for five hours straight. It's just so funny to me. I was like, wow, there's a big comedy thing. All the comedians are going there. Oh, that sounds awful. I don't like being around people. I don't like doing networking shit. I fucking don't like it.

I know. It's horrible. You know what it is? It's because you're not the star. That's why you don't want to go. If it was your thing. No, I just don't like having conversations about nothing no no no you go well I I can't wear one of my famous fucking gay outfits and prance around on a stage, so what's the point? So fake oh hi

Like a cop or like a ballerina or whatever and go can I get some suggestions from the audience? I heard palm tree palm tree. Oh look all these palm trees, like that you would like. But because you're not in the spotlight and you don't get to dress up in a gay costume, it's beneath you. I got it, I got it. These don't work on me. These manipulation techniques don't work on me.

Did anybody look up all those old UCB clips? Because they're great. They were funny. They're very funny. What's going on? I'm a firefighter. I gotta put out this fire. Hey, are you guys excited to go to the fucking paper festival in Milwaukee? Yeah, it's a big conference and you have little fucking name tags and stuff.

It's totally not that because it's quote unquote comedy, but it's totally not just a fucking convention in Vegas like every single other convention that has ever existed. It's comp quote-unquote comedy, but it's totally not just a fucking convention in Vegas like every single other Convention that has ever existed. It's cool Fucking kill me, man Hi, I'm a comedian yeah me fucking too fair enough Dummies in here for five this am's the best episode stands the best episode of two Swedish dance What's all years? Cyphers and sectors for two veto f slurred. I'm no longer a veto file

I don't know what that's in reference to on the job for five. That's too many guys dick is just afraid he tried to What if I tried to kiss all these guys Sam hide? Okay, so I try to kiss Shut up listen to this case window for five skank fest is a promotional tie-in with Peppermint Hippo where they put everyone on shuttles to send them there. I sucked many a titty last year, so everybody's going to go to Peppermint Hippo. Why the fuck would I need a comedy festival to send me to a strip club? Never mind, never mind, nothing's fun.

Oh, it's Fantasy Camp. Oh, and then you're going to meet Mickey Mantle. And you're going to go to Peppermint headball. Here's your name tag Why would anyone come to our live shows? What's the point of that? Why do you think I don't do them? It's either funny or it's not oh My god cool for five. Sorry Carl W ATP I meant to pressure Vito and Dick into doing hack-a-mania, but they just argued about skank fest instead

I will try to go to hack-a-mania. I do want to go to hack-a-mania What the fuck do you want to go to hack-a-mania, but they just argued about skank I will try to go to hack-a-mania. I do want to go to hack I wanted to go to hack-a-mania. You see you don't want to go that either Well, I want to go but I'm not like definitely gonna go. Yeah, you're not gonna go dick paninsky for 545 USD We love dick jokes are funny. We love jokes. Vito is fat CIN for two Australian women need reminders and men Vito is fat. CIN for two, Australian women need reminders and men fulfill commitments. Oglebitch for two, Skankfest prize

for weight loss contest round two. Chud Bronson for five, Canadian. The last Dick show is great, love the work. Vito, I don't care about your life. I just hearing I am Vito oink oink, I roll in mud. Got it. Jehado Bod for two, Vito just follow Masterson's diet of Coke and ass.

Man Ray for five. Coke will, bro, I mean, you can gain weight on Coke. Like John Bonham did, but try, I think you should try it. Maybe I should. Man Ray for five, DNP is a very bad drug, more effective than Ozempic, Vito should never take to lose weight. Cool for two, are these chats not a sign we like the show?

Not enough, they're not enough. I love the super chats. Not enough, there's way too many teals and blues. I think people like dick. Some people like dick. You're, whatever. You're the heart of the show. I'm not the heart of the show.

They want you to lose weight because they care about you so much. No one cares about, no one cares if I drink myself to death. Sure. Or do bad networking. All right. Cypress and Sucked is fine. Vito, we love you.

Just fucking cry already. Get it out of your system. No, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone hammer Vito on the crying. Two for two. More super chats about crying. Hey, Vito.

More super chats about I love you. I love it. Man, race it too. Yeah, I love you. I love you. I love you. Great show. Very funny.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. On the John for two Canadian. Look, I'm not saying, like, it's just nice when you make some. People go, hey, that was good. You know, it makes you feel good. You don't have to do it. It's just nice. I get that we're guys, and we're not

supposed to want compliments. But it's nice when you get a compliment. Welcome to the Vegas Comedy Festival. Here's your lanyard that has one free drink ticket. I will probably try to go to Skankfest. I would like to go to Hackamania. Oh, we should see. So who's out of rehab? Oh yeah, ooh, wow. Maybe Artie Lang will be at Skankfest, that would be cool.

See what Artie's up to. On the John for two. I would go to get Artie Lang high on drugs. That would be hilarious. Fucking hilarious. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Just go, come on man, just do a little meth. Just do a little meth. Whoops, I spilled all this coke here.

Oh my god. That's crazy. Coke's not as bad as meth though, right Artie? Oh my god. Dick Podinsky for 223. I'm sorry Vito, I think you're all right. Sufferson sucked this for five. The show's great.

You should publicly announce the losers who get banned. I don't know who's gotten banned. Gut for two, Vito was terrified we would vote yes. LJ Clauberino for five, there'd be no biggest problem without Vito Cumwaldi, good show, jolly good show. I want another voted up stinger from you, I do need to make one. Bobster for five, the show's funny, we want you to lose weight so you can be around longer. I know, I get it. Yeah, it's about the health. It's about the health.

It's about the health. It's about the health. It's about the health. All right No, I want to be like a Kira Toriyama famously died of being a big fat guy No, he died of regular shit. Indra had cold a for two pounds. How much for a quick full-body self-portrait sketch? Of what? Yeah, 50 bucks. Maddie Ray for five 424 rib-eye steak sour cream horser horseradish, baked potato, butter, rice and gravy, cabbage salad, bottomless garlic cheesy bread and two Tall Moon beers. That is indeed- Geez, Matty Ray, you are a fat piece of shit.

No, that's what I ate with Matty Ray. We went to, what do you call it? We went to Clearman's. I didn't eat it all that night. I saved half of it for the next night, but I got a rib-eye steak with a baked potato and it comes with the what do you call it? What day was that? I think it was two nights ago. So Wednesday. He was in town

He said what restaurants are good and I said, well, Claremont's is pretty good So I went to Claremont's and I ate a bunch of cheesy whatever bread. All right, if you do that if you do food journal until Oh, he's that's my Food Journal entry? Yeah. Then I'll go to Skankfest. I forgot to bring the- I'll go to Skankfest then. I forgot to bring the horseradish home.

I was sad though. I'd eat the rest of the steak without the horseradish. I believe you. If you do that, I will go to Skankfest. I'm not making a Food Journal. And I'll do like, I'm here to network. Like, oh hi, how great to meet you. I do a comedy podcast.

Let me make sure we can get tickets first. I'd love, Shane Gillis, I'd love to have you in my comedy podcast. You're already ruining talk about a censorship and cancel That would be worse. That would be holy fuck. That's worse than me. Just your Irish and white. What a fucking tremendous accomplice All right. Okay, you don't have to go. It's fine. And now it's been I would know I'll do I'll do I'll do it Great. I also didn't finish my second Blue Moon, but I do like Blue Moon. Kara Fro for 50 wants, Vito's booty, well you're getting it Kara. Kara, will you save your fucking money?

You're fucking in the single mother, whatever the fuck. You gotta. What are you talking about? Don't give us 50 bucks, I feel bad. I donated money to her GoFundMe like at the beginning of the year, and now she's throwing it back at me. You guys are just sending money back and forth.

Don't give me the money, I gotta send it back to you now. I feel bad. Alex for five, Dick stop being so mean to Vito. He's not Maddox. I mean he's not Sean either. How am I being mean? But we love him. I tried to make a deal.

How am I being mean? We don't need to make a deal. Somebody said I skipped their super chat. I'll see if that's true. Yeah. Alex for five, oh we did that. Coconut for ten, I know it's a hotly contested, but a live show really would be cool last week of July In LA, I'll be there. I always miss you in Philly. Hope you have better luck on your home turf

Well, we're definitely gonna do something when the comic launches Shit lips for ten says I eat shit fantastic Uh, shitlips4ten says, I eat shit. Fantastic. Harfrentis for five, great show, dick, thanks for not killing yourself. Thank you, yeah. Vito, not so much. Daniel Gore for five, Vito, I'm sorry I called you

a pig fucker, I feel bad now, you're a very kind, gentle person, not to mention a great writer. See, I shouldn't have said anything. I'm so sorry. Daniel Gore for two ads, hashtag piglivesmatter. Thank you Daniel Gore for making it work. And onthedjohn for two Canadians says, Vito skipped my two dollar doughnut. Oh, he's fucking lying. Fuck on the John.

No, I read that one. Alright, ooooh! It looks like Pud What's in the box? You know you want it! VEEDO'S BOOTY! Oh get on the scale or I'll smash it to shit! VEEDO'S BOOTY! VEEDO'S BOOTY! VEEDO'S BOOTY! VEEDO'S BOOTY! VEEDO'S BOOTY!

What's it gonna be? EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEE E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E Well, we're here on this fucking scale for Skankfest. I don't know why I'm always struggling to get my stupid Chinese app up. Okay, get out way from- get the fuck out of here. Uh, do it again. Oh, I think it was low! I think it was low! I think it was low! Oh my god! It's not good. You are so negative. You're the most negative person about yourself.

I mean, it's not great. 295... Yeah, but I gotta get below 220. ....9. You have to get below what? 290 at least. You have to get below what? 290 at least. You have to get below 220. Look, I have more of that ozempic stuff. I just haven't taken it

because I'm worried it's gonna make me sick, but I gotta take it. It will make you sick. I know it's gonna make, well, I can't work for like, the last time I took it, I couldn't work for two days. Why don't you just stop eating and drinking sugar and stuff? I don't know.

Look here, how about this? Does that card do anything for you? I mean, I still wanna get the, I gotta get also the testosterone. Yeah, what happened to that? I'm not good at- You need a wife. I'm not good at getting shit together. You need-

I missed a doctor's appointment. Doctor for what? Just like basic blood work and everything. I just didn't do it. Blood work? Yeah, just like a checkup. They want to like check all the stuff. Well I'm making excuses again I gotta stop you're right I should do everything

correctly. You do make a lot of excuses. Well it's cuz I know I fucked up. Well you know they're gonna do that blood work and then it's they're just gonna find out that you're sick. Probably, last time they did it I was okay. I have to take potassium pills so I don't have a heart attack. What? Or whatever. Bananas? Yeah, my blood pressure was too high, so I take potassium. How high was it?

I don't fucking remember. I can bring in, you want me to bring in? They accidentally gave me a heart cuff monitor as part of a- They accidentally gave you a heart cuff one? Well of a. They accidentally gave you a heart cuff one? Well, they gave it to me because it was supposed to be like part of a thing where they track it online, but then I just didn't use it. And they forgot to take it back from me.

So now I just own a heart cuff monitor. Yeah, sell it on eBay. Right? OK. I don't know. Here's your Vito's booty prize. It's going to be pretty good. Pretty good. It's gonna be pretty good. It's It's another mother's milk

And that is that's perfect. That's great. I love this guy That's actually the crappiest one Wait, why is this the crappiest? Because the box is all dinged up because they're running out of mother's milk. You know what? I'm gonna say this. I love mother's milk. I'm a big fan. You're taking it out because you thought there'd be something good inside the box. You gotta check if there's a goof in there. But there's not this time. Well, I love mother's milk. I'm a big fan of this guy.

And he's really grown on me. Here's the thing is having one mother's milk suck, but having a lot of mother's milks, it's kind of cool. I kind of like it. Yeah, tell me about it. So, well. I have a whole closet full of them now. I love this guy. I love Mother's Milk.

You know what though? The biggest prize of all is on Monday. I did an excellent stand-up show. Super killers coming together. Got some great art that we posted. posted dick song. It's good stuff Yeah, I look good. It looks cool His arts really cool, man. I really like that guy. Yeah, we got to crank it out, man. Okay hammer him. Yeah Yeah, ah you're gonna say are into that I

Hammer him Yeah. Arrr. You gotta say ar to that. I hammer him. You gotta hammer him, what is he, Mexican? He is a Mexican, yes. Oh, you gotta say, you gotta really hammer Mexicans. You get back here! Call his mom. His heart's so cool though. It's good, but you gotta call his mom and say, you gotta get your son in here.

You gotta get your son in here. You gotta get your son in here? Get him to do this comic. I think he's doing alright. You know what? 295.9. Cool. You're back under 300.

I know you don't even care about that, and anyone who does care, you have disdain for it. I don't have disdain for them. There's nothing... It is what it is and I won't make any excuses I don't I ate a lot of good food this week oh I had two blue moon beers and a big old steak uh-huh well the beers are fine but it's take the beers are not fine beers yeah they are probably one of those big old Blue Moods, probably like 500 calories, no? Well yeah, but it's the, um...

It's the modern... It's the modern perversions of drinks that will fuck you. You can have steaks... Within reason, and potatoes within reason, and... Liquor and beers within reason, but you can have... S-sodas... And... Chips. And you've got to be active... and beaters within reason, but you can have sodas and chips. And you've got to be active. You gotta be active.

You gotta be hardcore active two or three times a week. That's it. It's not- I'm doing the bike. Bike's not hardcore. You gotta be doing a sled. It's possible. It's possible I need like a more intense cardio.

I mean, I break a sweat sweat so it must be doing something but Clearly not enough Maybe I'll get a different machine Different what like a Sibian? Yeah, that'll work. That'll burn a lot of calories See, this is not interesting. That's the worst part is it's like, I don't know. What can I say? Maybe I'll try the most Maybe I'll try exercising more. Maybe I'll eat better next week. Maybe at your comedy festival,

they could explain why it's funny. Yeah, that'd be good too. Yeah. Look, we got a great show. Thanks everybody who came by. I guess let's put our top supporters up on the show, which I need to refresh for next week Don't forget biggest problem in the apocalypse bonus episode is now at patreon.com

Biggest problem and we're gonna have to do another bonus episode pretty soon as well Number one Josh Denny fan says red bar wants to be friends. I sent you a message on X All right We got it summer swan window Raven says Tony's comics gonna make a lot of money and Alex says I love all the bits. Alex says God this bit is tired and then a blowing out face. No, it's all great. So thanks to everybody for being a big fan of the show and I look forward to all the

comments telling me what a fat piece of shit I am because that's- You're making this a weight loss show. I'm not making a weight loss- By your reaction. Well, I would weigh myself, no problem. Sure. I don't care. Okay.

Oh, I just did. We just did it. Yeah, but you gave like a 40 minute speech on how you don't want to be bothered by people. I just don't want to disappoint the fans and they seem very disappointed. So I'm telling them to temper their expectations. To what? To zero zero expect nothing from me except Superkiller which is gonna be great. Expecting you won't lose weight. Yeah It's not realistic. Err on the side of what do you call it negativity when it comes to me accomplishing things

This isn't okay. You're right. It is like the hero's journey, but it isn't like you want it to be the hero's journey, but it's not it's just me No, the fans like everybody go like oh my god Vita lost 30 pounds clearly this is the beginning of one of those you know Cinderella stories where he turns it all around He becomes a captain of industry went no No Real life doesn't work like that. Have you heard a lot of people like saying the fans are wrong and they're right work like that. Have you heard a lot of people like saying the fans are wrong and they're right? What do you mean? Have you ever heard someone who's like, oh the fans are wrong and they were they were right about that? I don't know.

Have you? I don't know, maybe. Oh, who? I'm just saying that whatever little like poetic thing you had in your head. A poetic thing? Okay. Of losing weight? I'll say it. That's possible. It's not poetic. You're right. You're right. A poetic thing? Okay. Of losing weight? I'll say it. That's possible. It's not poetic. You're right. You're right.

Guys, we will win. That's it. We will win. I think losing weight is more realistic than like defeating Marvel in DC. Look, we've kept, I at least have kept, I'm not gonna make excuses. That's it. I can't make excuses on this show. These guys have really messed up your head, man. I'm here trying to run defense for you, but these guys have really messed I don't want you

I like you know if they're upset that I'm making excuses. I won't make excuses. I'm fat, and it's my fault and that's the bottom line Well, yeah, that's I'm drunk that was my fault All right, we good? Thanks everybody. What, is there something else you wanna talk about? I think we nailed it. Me? No. Alright, we're good. Alright, goodbye. Goodbye!