The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 141

Episode Date: May 11, 2024

We're gonna have a lot of superchats to go through. And Jarvo gifted five memberships. Can you believe it? What does that mean? That means that if you pay for that? They, yeah. How much do you pay for that? Well, our cheapest membership is three dollars, so if you gifted five, you paid a minimum

of 15 bucks. 15 bucks. But you could have spent your money in worse ways. But the sad thing is that it doesn't put that in the back end, so we can't like, you know how Ethan will be doing his stream, and he goes, oh, what's his name, just gifted 20 memberships. That's somebody giving 60 bucks? To Ethan, yeah, if that's what his membership's for us.

What do you mean it's not something you can track in the back end? What are you talking about? Like it pops up in the chat, it says gifted five memberships, but then when we go to like super chats, I don't think there's a way to see who gifted memberships. So what are you, just pocketing all that money? What do you mean? What do you mean am I just pocketing all that money?

So there's no accounting for those memberships? What's going on here? I would like to figure out. I knew there was a reason why you wanted to bring those memberships in. Hold on. I want to be able reason why you wanted to bring those memberships in. Hold on. I want to be able to thank people who gift memberships, but I don't know how to track it. That's the deal.

That's the deal. I can't track. It's not pocketing any kind of money. No. What are you talking about? Switch it over. What are you talking about? We're talking business.

Dick is accusing me of pocketing the money for memberships for some reason. I don't know, man. That sounded suspicious. Somebody buys memberships, and it's not tracked anywhere and you don't know how, and you wanna know cause you wanna thank them, that's suspicious. That sets off my sussed-door. Well, I saw that Jarvo in the chat

had gifted five memberships and I said, the problem that I'm having, I think, is that I don't know in the backend if it says somewhere like this person gifted X my damn back end That's where all the money's at right the back end. Will you stop stop with this? Okay, but everybody thinks Everybody's already like concerned about our finances. Do you see the number of people are always like I'm concerned about you're not concerned about our finances I'm concerned about our finances, but people come up with these insane conspiracy theories where they go well you know Vito only gets 20% of that money you know. That would be way too much. Cause you give me 20%? Yeah I don't get paid.

It's my house. Why would it be 20%? I'm here for exposure obviously. Hey let me tell you something. When my girlfriend picks you up a drink at the store, This is what you say when you get the drink. What? This is all you say. Thank you. What did I say? You don't say, oh, cucumber? They didn't have, is that all they had?

I thanked her. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I made a little joke. No you want to add anything else, that was very nice of you to take your time, to you know, get me something. I was remarking because I said, she was going to the gas station to get you alcohol because you're a degenerate,

and I said, oh hey, if you're going to the gas station. Alcohol deserves 20% of the show. Sure, all right. Not you. I said, you know what, if you're going to the gas station, they usually have those Arizona teas. I've got a bit of a, you know,

I'm still getting over a cold, the tea feels nice. Can you please pick me a, you don't need to talk people into stuff. It's just, can you please get me a... I said please. I said if you, if you perchance were able to on your way. I think she interrupted you before you had a chance to not say please. That's true. I was, I was interrupted. And she came back, I said can you get the green tea? She came back. She got the cucumber which is Not exactly what I wanted. That that that that that you've messed it up. You've messed it up. Now the cucumbers fun. Cucumber would be the worst most

Dangerous flavor to get somebody now Cuz it might taste like soap. You don't know. That's true. No, it tastes it tastes alright and I did thank her very much. She did a very good job. Yeah, but it's the extra stuff. That's what I'm saying It's not thanks. And here's my thoughts on the tea. It's just thank you guys aren't getting any more puzzles for me I get no respect. You know, he said thank you Thank you. I bring you gifts of puzzles. I bring it. I don't really bring anything else I don't know. What do you get the man who has everything a man who now has? Shoes. Yeah, I was gonna say

The man who truly has everything now has infinity shoes Shoes you have constructed out of cardboard for some reason I was gonna say it is... The construction is surprisingly... Infinity shoes, man! You have a strap underneath. This motherfucker is a genius. Who is this guy? Who are we talking about? Mike Infinity. Mike Infinity. On Instagram.

You gotta go follow Mike Infinity. And what does he do? Makes disposable emergency shoes. Right. For you. Out of boxes. I don't know if you can invest or what but I Honestly you shut when I saw those I said I do want to invest Tom's white supremacist runs Tom's yeah Exactly my kid like that. I think if you had I you know what I don't even want to give it away Cuz I think this is a million dollar business idea

I want to talk to you rip on blow blow blacks for just saying that no back. Did you make the shoes? You make shoes either. I did. I know. Somebody else already made, no. I'm my infinity made the shoes. You're not my infinity. All right, are we doing this thing? Yeah, let's do it.

Or let's not do it because the steam pack is not wired correctly. There we go. There we go. It's going to be a big one. Imagine you get an Arizona IST and it and it's a full of comms. Nobody wants that. The biggest problem in the universe. Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe.

The only show that ranks every problem in the universe from going to work with the flu to taking money from you know who's. I don't know what you're talking about there. That's a thousand fold bikini steal your host dick bash and joining me as always is veto just wealthy Hi dick, what's up? Big shot veto big shot veto six-figure veto Super killer doesn't thank your girlfriend for a tea Doesn't thank the girlfriend for tea. I thanked her multiple times And I'm still thanking her what an incredible. I can't believe it Can you believe it folks?

Sounds like sarcasm when you do thanks when you Give a good thanks, and then you rip on it because you're like giving your thoughts like no with no filter It's totally unnecessary. I noticed it was the cucumber and I said oh, that's interesting. You know what? I had forgotten they even made that flavor. That's not what you said. That's what I was thinking in my head. Oh my god. That was something else, huh? We've got a big show here today.

I do feel like, I mean, come on. We got to talk about Super Killer $100,000. Can you believe it? Man, we really honestly don't. I just feel like I got to. We really don't. You know, we really. You said any flavor is fine, she says.

You literally said any flavor is fine. I did say any flavor is fine. I'm not upset with the cucumber. I like the cucumber. And then when she came back, you said, that'll do. That'll do. Like from the movie, Babe, when they're talking, that'll do Pig.

That was good for the, that was good from Babe. Yeah, that was, that'll do Pig. Like that was meant the pig did a good job. Can you just like shut the fucking sarcasm off for a second? Do you understand the concept of doing stuff for somebody and then they whittle it down so you're not upset that you did something for them, but you feel nothing? Like it's a very specific emotion where you just feel like,

I didn't need or not need to do that. I feel nothing from it. I'm enjoying this flavor. It's not what I expected, obviously. But it doesn't- it shouldn't enter into your fucking mind whether you expect it or not. It's just thank you. That's it. Yeah, thank you. Thank you for surprising me with the flavor I didn't ask for. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You said any flavor. I know, I'm just fucking around.

I like to be surprised. And this is a delightful surprise. You're not fucking around though because you do do that in real life too. It's not a bit. It's like Carl Spitaly says. Vito's not doing a bit. He just says he's doing a bit. I'm not, look.

That'll do. That'll do is a positive thing to say. You just have no a positive thing awareness of what's happening around you. Oh, that'll do that's good It's not no, it's not a positive fucking thing. Oh, they only have the cucumber Oh, that'll do that that'll do that will do I was all amped up to shit on Eric July Yeah, and then you go and get to get a fucking are unconscionably rude It's not rude. I'm not unconsciously, it's not rude. I'm very appreciative of the green tea with the cucumber. Which is not the one I asked for.

Someone will tell you when you're being very appreciative. You just be appreciative and they'll say, wow, you're being very appreciative. It's not you saying, hey, I'm being very appreciative. I assume they didn't have the regular one at the store. That makes sense. Any flavor will do sense any flavor will do any flavor will do yeah cuz you know like you fucking need a you know what did you need a I mean when you say I think you're assinuating like one of the normal

flavors but this is fine too yeah yeah cucumber who's had cucumber and liquid before right that's crazy now I want to play a new one, because it is funny that I would be so... You are! I am very appreciative that she got me the Arizona. I'm very happy with the Arizona, thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's very good.

Okay. Superkiller at 100,000, Dick. I don't know what to do about... 117. I don't know what to do to tamp down the Superkiller talk. Well, I mean... I'm so exhausted. Luckily, the campaign is over so You know

Thank God. Yeah, I mean I did have to leave it open No, it's not. No, it's not open now. Is it well one guy said he didn't get paid until Friday So I just left it open for him. It's still open. Yeah, but it's gonna close and refund it everybody refunded out of spite It's still open? Yeah, but it's gonna close. Fucking refund it. Everybody refund it at a spite. Refund it at a spite for this one guy. There was one guy who sent me a message.

He said, I don't get paid till Friday. I'm like, well, dude, you had like a year to get it. He's like, just please leave it open till Friday. At the cock sucking factory. And I said, OK, well, it's technically closed, but it's open for this one guy. And then it's gonna close. But if at the last moment you decided you wanted to get in.

It's never gonna end, man. It's Mr. Bones' wild ride. Comic's wanted to get in. It's never gonna end man, it's Mr. Bones wild ride. Comics never coming out, the campaign's never gonna end. No no no, it's going good. I get it. And I'm gonna have a big announcement coming soon, we got someone joining the team. You're turning into fucking Eric. You don't have a team. I have kind of a team, I got people working on the fucking thing.

Bunch of contractors. Well yeah, but this is a good contractor. Look, I wish I could pay all these. I've of contractors. Well yeah, but this is a good contractor. Look, I wish I could pay all the- I've got an Arizona iced tea, joining the team. Look, I can't pay everybody a salary, okay? But, you know. Can you even pay them a wage?

I am paying them a wage. Maybe I will pay them a salary if we keep going, who knows? You gonna get a van? No. Okay. Actually, maybe, if I got one, no. I'm not gonna need a van. I want a warehouse, though.

Put all this stuff in there. Sure you do for all your video games and shit. Well, that would be a good place to sell them out of. Are you gonna do TikTok or whatnot? Whatnot? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I gotta get a business license and I gotta get a deal with a distributor so I can get Magic product at low, low prices.

Ah. Just don't do your taxes. deal with a distributor so I can get Magic product at low low prices. If anybody knows who distributes Magic cards in the California area let me know. Let Vito know joke stuff. No don't, it's not helpful. Send him joke stuff, tease nuts. Alright, alright, come on. Alright. What are we doing? Who uh, last episode?

Let me know if this sounds okay. Sounds good to me. Foreign lobbyists. That was you. Yeah, that was a big winner. But not Israel. Not specifically Israel. Definitely. Definitely they're one of them.

The ADL came out today and said we're noticing all kinds of anti-Zionism. Really? They said it's gone up 400%. Really? Wow, that's nuts. It is nuts. You think that's because all the kids you guys are killing?

Okay, it's not that kind of show. What do you mean? I'm just saying. I'm talking about killing kids. That's my bit, all right? You can't take that. That's all my stuff. Do you think that has something to do with it though?

I don't know what's going on. Oh, okay. Everybody's mad about something. They're coming out swinging. Give me a second. Activist CEOs. All right, well at least I did okay. I feel like you're on a streak.

Well, you know. But you did women last week, didn't you? Some women problem. Well, you know. Women are did women last week, didn't you? Some women problem. Well, you know. Women are fucking up. Speaking of women problems. Women and Israel, if Israel and women are both fucking up, it's time to make hay. You're on top.

When men start fucking up, I'm a ghost. As long as fat people are there with them, that's the Dick Masterson trifecta of comedy. Oh man, fat people are fucking up. Jews, women, and fatties. That should be the name of your next book. I'm not writing a book that starts with Jews. Why not? It could be a positive book about Jews. What are the last two on our...

Not enough. Not nearly enough. Speaking of fat salaries, I was on the LOLCOW podcast. Yes. They're still editing it, I guess. When did you go? You went on like on Tuesday. Monday. Monday.

I'm up early Monday with a hangover. Mmm. Going on these fucking clowns shows. Yeah. And they're letting it just sit stale in the hopper for a whole week? What's going on? The Lolcow podcast is a mess. And the worst part is that the audience for some reason goes along with Keemstar's gaslighting, where he goes,

well, the real problem is, his new thing was, so my episode, it was edited terribly. It was a complete clusterfuck. It's un-listenable. I heard it was a prank. Was it a prank? Well, he tried to say, oh, the reason it's bad, guys, is that PKA sabotaged us.

And I guess PKA sabotaged us. I guess PKA's editor, Zach, edited the episode. He just quit halfway, so I fucked this. Well, I think he ran into some problems, and it's like, hey man, it's his first time editing the show. You can't just give him a 12 hour turnaround. Why don't you have him edit a temp show, and then you can tell him how you want to refine it.

Just don't edit the show. Just don't edit the show, just put it out. That's what I said to them. Why are you editing? This was great, actually. And then you can tell them how you want to refine it. Just don't edit the show. Just don't edit the show! Just put it out! Stop it! That's what I said to them. Why are you editing? This was fine. This was great, actually.

I've done this for a long time. This was a good episode. Just put it out as it was. Well, including all the parts about me telling Boogie that Keemstar is trying to steal his house. Which is very bizarre. Keemstar is secretly... both of them are trying to hush hush this. Keemstar is telling Boogie that if he pays him the mortgage,

Keemstar will take over the loan and get the house. And let Boogie live there. Live there. Till he dies. It's one of these classic things you hear about where there's a machine. Of a 92 year old woman. Senior abuse. Yeah, some guy comes and goes, well I'll guess it, you don't have to pay your rent or your mortgage

I'll take care of all it and then when you die I get your entire house And for some reason boogie's going well that just sounds like a guy I do like to help people I hate having a house. I don't know why those guys I Was like Kim's a bad guy, right? You guys realize that? He's trying to steal your house. You guys understand that? They've all been like weirdly gaslit and being like, no, Keem's a good guy. And I'm like, give me an example of Keem being a good guy. He's stealing my house. That's pretty cool. He says he's keeping safe. One time there was this streamer and he brought him on to like talk about whatever and I'm like yeah

Cuz he gets ad revenue from that what he's he ever done anything that he doesn't Monetarily benefit in some way bro. You're getting a free house with no down payment Yeah, buying into boogie's more 4% mortgage who knows what? These are those guys scammery that's involved in this is really shocking. Boogie, please before you just give Keem your house I'll pay the rent for a what at $1,500 and one a month. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Why don't you get some pins? I'll give you free McDonald's every day. How about that? That would be pretty good. Not all you can eat though. I'll put your uh, I'll put your girlfriend through uh, what do you call it? She's been through enough. I'll send her to boarding school or whatever the fuck.

That's low blow Vito. We don't joke about people's girlfriends hey hey all right fine uh going to work sick no that's a good problem should have been higher it was probably the way you told it I was sick uh dubs dead last, negative I think. Dubs. Whatever. That's what you get. Okay. Oh, so I was saying my lolcow episode, no apology for them completely flubbing it, wasting my time. Except from Tommy C. Tommy C is the only guy who reached out and said, hey, I'm sorry we botched your episode. Keemstar just goes, ooh, Vito does that episode. That episode was gonna suck anyway cuz Vito's a pedophile blah blah blah I'm like Keem, I've dated girls who were older than you and Boogie's girlfriend combined so yeah don't be throwing rocks in that glass

house. Young B says topless Vito looks like the naked guy in the subway on that one episode of Seinfeld. Remember that one? No. That's the one the guy says, I'm not ashamed of my body. And Seinfeld goes, well, you should be. I tried watching that Pop Tarts movie.

Not there. Because liberals in wokeness. No, that's not why. You can't do comedy like a naked guy in a subway. You should try watching like the first 20 minutes of it. Because when I was watching it, I went, if they had just gotten, what's his name, Tim Robinson. If they had got Tim Robinson.

Because it's just almost weird enough. It's like a bunch of guys obsessed with cereal and cereal awards or whatever. And I'm like, that's funny, because it's weird. But it's not weird enough. Is it for old men, though? For boomers? Dude, it is like super weirdly boomery. Yeah. Where it's all these references.

It's not a serial. Yeah, but it's all these references where it's like, and here's Chef Boyardee, remember him? And I'm like, no, Jerry, because I'm not 65 years old. Yeah. It's for other old men. But wait, are old people just like, oh yeah? They're addicted to television.

OK, but I guess that's what's weird about it, is it's like, you know how we have all this reference humor? Like, hey, look, it's Rick and Morty and Hanson. Yeah, yeah. It's that for, yeah, they're addicted to television. Okay, but I guess that's what's weird about it Is like, you know how we have all this reference humor like hey look, it's Rick and Morty. Yeah. Yeah, it's that Yeah, 70 year old weirdy. Yeah, remember like radio fire Yeah, yeah, they're Vietnam remember Tony the tiger in the costume. Yeah, remember we took Palestine's houses in the costume? Yeah. Remember when we took Palestine's houses? I didn't get into that part for some reason.

Nick Dacus says, suddenly Vito declares he is a comedian. He thinks the guys at Skankfest are gonna welcome him to Las Vegas? What's happening? Give him 60 seconds on Kill Tony. I'd pay to see that. Well, you can pay to see us at Hackamania.

Ah! We're doing a show. I strong-armed the organizers of Hackamania to let us do a show at 6 30 p.m. on Friday use promo code biggest not the n-word like I told you before don't you even use the n-word as a joke because we don't get any that actually adds to the cost of the tickets and goes to black people goes directly Use promo code the edwards. Yeah, it's reveration and it goes to black people biggest use promo code biggest to get some money hackamania.com And so that's a three day weekend We will be performing Friday at 630 at the venue. They have set up which is the name I forget I believe it's a sex club like the front on area cuz they're telling people to stay downtown It's near a jack-in-the-box that I've thrown up bad. I have no problem with that I like I like Fremont better than the strip anyway Fremont From Fremont no no it's Fremont Street. I'm pretty sure it's Fremont

Fremont down on Fremont Street who fucking cares well cuz it's like an iconic street That's been in a- in some movies And I bet if you look up the etymology of the term, it probably derives from- Morgan Fremont? You think it's one of his ancestors? Maybe. Fremont. Is it from the free men? Fremont? Just how it's said. No, Fremont has never been

ever uttered by anyone. Well, Fremont sounds cooler to me. It's the- isn't it like kinda French? I don't know. Fremont? It wouldnont. Flemont? It wouldn't be pronounced like Fremont at all. The French quarter of Vegas. Okay, well we're gonna be in Agamania. Every ticket that we sell, we're gonna put a rubber band around Vito.

So, we sell a couple hundred tickets, he's gonna pop like a watermelon. And we will do a live show. It's gonna be fun. At 6.30! So get off work and rush over there. Oh whatever. People are gonna take, it's Friday. People can take. And then I'm gonna start doing drags and totally ruin everyone else's show. I might go up to Vegas on Thursday though because that's how you get in at the, what's the, is it the Wynn or something? Has the seafood buffet. Jesus Christ. But it's only Monday through Thursday.

It's all you can eat lobster and lobster tails and whatever else. So you can stream that? I would stream it. I think I was talking. Five bucks for a eat a lobster? Yeah, every five bucks I'll eat a lobster. See how many I can go.

Eat the brain head and stuff. The tamale, you mean the green stuff in the back of it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That stuff's pretty tasty. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That stuff's pretty tasty. Yeah, Thursday's when they don't have that lobster buffet on Friday, they won't do it. Well, have fun. You'll be on time, for sure.

You know what, if you do that, I just might not show up. I'll show up late to fuck you over. Show up late on Thursday or Friday? On Friday, what do you mean? So you're up there by yourself trying to stall for time. Doing a live show by myself. And I'll say, I'm right there. Oh, I'm almost there.

Just keep the crowd going. I'm going to be like Tony, and I'm going to get a big weed cookie before I get on stage. And then I'm going to fall asleep in a chair. Kalorath says, Vito looks like that Bjork stalker on the thumbnail. Yes. That was a celebration.

Tin Horn says, Vito's project segment is missing the pizza TV show, Vito's prank show. Oh yeah, and the biggest problem card game. It was the prank show. You had a prank show you wanted to do. I mean, I got so many great ideas. Well, it's basically every idea you've seen, but with you in front of it.

I'll do a weekly segment. I'll bring in a different Project every week cuz I got like I would kill for that yeah Didn't I pitch didn't I pitch my sci-fi young adult novel? Well, that's not cute up at all what the fuck it's running. It's another one of these trick audio files God damn it Now people use a fucking audio editor, please. I got a great pitch for and I got a Well the bits ruin now the whole entire bits ruined. Look I got a million ideas. They're all gold. Vito's projects There it is. Fun little ideas. Vito's postponed comic book. Vito's soon to be hit magazine, Vito's lazy creative team, Vito's Deadpool 3 ripoff.

There you go. There you go. OK. Well, I'm not going to pitch it. All right. Next show. Hominid said, Vito and Dick's positions on Brock Turner seem like they should be reversed.

I agree with Vito. If you look into that case, it's complete BS. He got totally screwed over Somebody didn't a guy didn't rape someone. That's what you're saying seems like him and a girl just got really really drunk She passed out and he didn't notice He's innocent. Okay. I don't know anything about this Okay, I thought it was funny that your response was this poor, you know, it's the worst thing about this white guy That's a jail. in jail, innocent guy for

eight, is what happened to black people. Like you can't think about anything other than what happened to black people. That wasn't it. I explained it very well. It's not because I'm trying to be the savior of black people. The Russians took some heavy losses in World War II. Yeah, and it really drove the price of menthols way up for black people in the South, in America. And that menthol ban is, even Biden needs to walk that back.

He's going, oh, these blacks are not happy about that. John says Vito Nye, the team guy stinger, had me crying with laughter. I almost got fired for my job at the blowjob factory because it made me spit out the dick in my mouth. That's a funny listener. You can't do that at the blowjob factory. Goldilocks says the best part of the show is the cacophony of sounds at the very end

to drown out Vito's incessant shilling. Thank you. That was from our bonus episode. If you guys like women problems, let me tell you, we got a doozy for Mother's Day. It is the biggest problem in mothers at patreon.com slash biggest problem. Pretty good episode. Fed chair Fulgor says, according to Vito, this isn't happening.

Georgia election board, you want to hear about that? I already know all that, and it's got nothing to do with the presidential election. That was the Georgia election. Oh, so that's different. That one, they caught him immediately, because you can't really get away with election fraud. 380,000 ballot images from the machine were not available, so they lost the images. That's weird. Okay.

Don't you think that's weird? They didn't have them backed up. But are they saying that the votes are bad because of that? They don't know why they're not 380,761 ballot images from Election Day. But do they have the records of who- And then the person said- Shut up. Do they have the records? And then the person said. Shut up. Do they have the records of who voted?

They just don't have the images of the actual ballots? So that's fine then, right? Can't you just get the name of the people and do a cross check and go, hey, who did you? Call them up? Yeah. I'm pretty sure that's, that's an audit. Yeah, you could audit it in some way.

You could go, hey, we just wanted to make sure our voter rolls are correct and make sure you voted for the right person. Oh, okay, they it in some way. You could go, hey, we just wanted to make sure our voter rolls are correct and make sure you voted for the right person. Oh, OK, they asked that. They said Fulton County used improper procedures during the recount of the presidential contest in 2020. And then they said they refused to approve further investigation.

So this is about the presidential election? It's not that Georgia election where like a black lady stuffed the ballot box? I don't know. You could be right. But they said out loud the recount of the presidential contest in 2020 Maybe they mean the maybe they mean some other thing that makes you right Look all I know is that there was one election where somebody was stuffing ballot box never goes up there you go

I mean because that has nothing to do with this so okay So they lost ballot images. It's four years. 380,000. So it's four years later. Four years is an eternity in digital files times. So what do you want to do? What do you want to do? What do you want to do about it? Well, hang them all, obviously. Hang them all. Do you want to? All government employees. What are you talking about?

We should undo the presidential election. There's no other possible way. You don't think there's any way of like tightening up security on this? We could tighten up security up just be sarcastic Okay, we just lose can we just verify in any other way who voted for who? What are you talking about? That's what the election is okay? You want to send them out one by one and compare it to what the images that don't exist? I'm just saying it's like you think these dumb motherfuckers in Georgia remember who they voted for four years ago They weren't fucking cardboard shoes. I'm pretty sure they would remember who they voted for all right. Oh, yeah, they're all Biden. You're right

Okay, so You're right the election. Maybe that'll I'm wrong I'm wrong. You just have the resistance on the show is none I'm learning the easiest path of resistance on this show is none. We're gonna do it again and there's no stopping us. I don't know why you Republicans are letting us get away with this. Well, because of Israel, you know. Nothing's changed. We're just so wrapped up in Israel.

Yeah, all you guys do love Israel. Jesus is gonna come out. What does the election matter if you wipe out Gaza? Jesus pops out again. He's gonna kill all the gays and the adulterers and the abortionists anyway. Zane Parker. Oh, Doug Tenapel's fighting with you, isn't he? Speaking of abortions.

A little bit. So I thanked. So we both went on Trashcast. Oh yeah. Which was a lot of fun. Yeah. That was a great show. That's of course Ethan Van Skyver's comic show.

You know what, Sexo, every time you ask me to come on your show, I'm coincidentally like a little bit too drunk. Oh really? Every time I get hang of it, I'm like, oh man, I wish I was, I wish I was a little bit sober. I wish I was two shots less drunk, because I do my show in the morning and I'm like, you know, I'm on cruise control of liquor after my show. I didn't see anyone mention it in the comments. Nobody said, oh, what's... I'm all pocket, man. I'm the fucking Maxell commercial.

He had a good amount of energy. We had a really fun time. We talked about that Fatal J guy who's got a fun way of talking. Someone said he said he would come on our show and say hi. I like that guy. He wear a white suit? If we can get him a white suit, I will pay for it. So money bags over here.

Well, we went on Ethan's show. Ethan's very generous audience helped push Super Killer over $100,000, very good. And I went on Twitter and I said, well, I really do have to thank Ethan and Traj. Everyone make your predictions when Vito's Xanax wears off. In the middle of the episode. Why am I out of energy you're saying? No, no, Xanax. Am I out of energy, you're saying?

No, no, no. So I went, OK, thank you very much. Thank you. This is great. I'm really looking forward to it. I feel like it's a new chapter in my life, whatever. And Doug Tenapple, who famously is not friends with Ethan anymore.

Oh, he's not? Yeah. Well, there was this thing where once when Commisgate first. I don't need to know. Come on. I mean, it's not? Yeah. Well, there was this thing where once when ComicSkate first. I don't need to know. Come on. I mean, it's kind of funny. Give me a real shortest version. I'll tell you.

I'll ask for more. OK. Make me ask for. This has never happened to me in my life. No one has ever told a story and I have waited for me to ask for more. Never. I want to experience it for the first time.

You want me to ask you right now? Just make me say, and then what happened? More. Let me hear more. The way I understand it is that Ethan was like hey We're here selling comic books comic skate is great and then Doug Ten Apple was going yeah except for all the F slurs and the whatever else and he went well That's gonna be hard to sell comic books if you're like like look we don't like gay stuff But like you know being a little aggressive about it

I guess and they had kind of a falling out about that okay stuff, so I said thank you Ethan Thank you trash can needs friends when you're going to heaven exactly that's my motto and Doug ten Apple Responded by saying wow you made a 1 30th of the amount that Eric July made It must be really hard for you to succeed as an abortion loving fag loving You uh... Oh, wow! You can say that, I guess. I can say it, yeah, it's my word. Uh, liberal, you know, like media has no room for guys like you. And I'm like, well, Doug, I mean, I would say I'm a controversial figure. I'm not exactly mainstream.

Doug, everyone on the planet loves abortion. Right. Buddy! They don't check you at the door of Hollywood and go, how you feel about abortion? Doug, everyone on the planet loves abortion. Right. Buddy. They don't check you at the door of Hollywood and go, how you feel about abortion? Because everyone just assumes. He's basically saying my success. Actually, your position on abortion is actually repugnant.

Way worse. Yeah, it's probably equally off-putting as Doug's. It's probably more off-putting as Doug than Doug's. You're like, oh, well that's not... Wasn't it RFK Jr.? Is that the guy who's trying to run for president? With the brain worm. It's like controlling him. Did you see they gave him an interview and he said, oh yeah, full term abortion. Well, he said put women in charge.

Oh, the abortions? Even if they want full term abortion? He goes, well, that's what being women in charge means. And they're like, you fucking want to kill babies. OK. And I went, well, I get a bit of a pass. I'm not going for full term. I'll settle for half term. Anyway, Doug, look, I know all my success

is due to me being a liberal douchebag who has all the right ideas and is very popular with them. My opinions are wildly popular on the internet as we know. You are kind of like a token liberal though, in right wing spaces. I guess, I don't know. Am I in right wing spaces? I'm on this show.

Well, I don't know anymore. I don't go anywhere. This whole Israel thing is really caught, is really thrown a monkey wrench into the whole spaces thing. I don't know who's on what side anymore. I don't want to eat more. I don't go this whole Israel thing is really caught is really Thrown a monkey wrench into the whole spaces thing. I don't know who's on what side anymore. I don't either I Thought with the Ukraine thing you guys were all like, oh, we got to stop spending money on war and it's like hey There's gonna be like a war in Israel. Yeah, I can't have it is for Jesus. Yeah, we defund that shit Yeah, well, if it's a Jesus war, that's a different thing. I'll throw money at that all day long. Mm-hmm It's all very confusing. Okay

Um, you know, we like we like Doug to name but I'm excited for his abortion. He's making abortion cartoon You know, I don't know how that cartoon is gonna go. That's a little much I just want to be thinking about abortion as much as you guys do. Yeah I'm not thinking about all the time. He's thinking about all the time. I want to think about like goofy shit Yeah, you know like a fart. Yeah, that would be funny to going around thinking all the time. He's thinking about it all the time. I want to think about like goofy shit. Like a fart. That would be funny too. Farts going around, stinking up the place. Check it out.

Well maybe that's the show. That's the show. The Adventures of Tootie. The fart gremlin. Fart. Who lives in a butt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now you're talking. It's a little house that he crawls out of.

Yeah, and if it makes a fart sound out of the butt hole he comes out of, I'm gonna check the mail. Why I oughta? And the mailman knows he doesn't have a wife. If I could just punch that not-deaf bitch out. Where would a fart live? In a butt, of course. No kinds of gay stuff at all. Not making fun of it or pro it at all. No, just farts. Just good ol' fart humor. Well guys, we're gonna do a very special segment. I think we are...

Oh yeah, wait. Talking about our love of voting and elections being stolen. Well maybe you can help steal the election in a different manner. Okay, I got it. With Vote It Up! Have I done this one before? I don't know. I know it's a reference, of course.

So Titanic, the movie. Everyone loves that movie. Everyone. It's not a single person who dislikes it. No one broke their brain. No. There's no way a song like this could break a man. It's so enjoyable.

Vito is a fat ass He won't go away himself His problems are just food He deserves diabetes He paid for diabetes I do have a food problem this week We pay for eat away and

dick you and go on and go on and go fuck yourself Good idea. Execution fell apart about fifty-five percent Well that wasn't a voted up stinger! That was a completely different thing! Good idea execution fell apart about 50 Stinger that was a completely different thing. I was just a song fuck. Why'd you think it was it?

Why'd you put that in a voted up folder? I don't know just singing about me being fat to the Titanic song feels very familiar I feel like I've been trolled I guess yeah welcome to vote it, which for some reason it proceeded- Why would you send me a fucking song about nothing? I mean, you gotta specify what it's for. Just play this fun song in the middle of the episode for no reason. And whatever. Well, welcome to Vote It Up, guys.

The segment where we revisit past problems and put them in a new light. Well, Dick, from all the way back in episode 18, this is the one I brought in, the problem of Funko Pops, a problem which seems to have become a recurring bit on this show, as for some reason a tiny plastic black man is now filling up my living room in greater and greater quantities. Rascal is one word for it. Well guys, the Funko problem is getting worse now that Funkos are entering the triple A gaming space. This fall Funko Fusion will be coming to consoles and PCs, a co-op action game that mashes

up characters from chill. Oh, a Funko game? Yeah! That's gonna be good. You're gonna see Jurassic World, Back to the Future, The Thing, Shaun of the Dead, Chuckie, Battlestar Galactica, Umbrella Academy, Masters of the Universe, Scott Pilgrim. Now this sounds like more Sony, like another shitty properties that I don't like all shoved together. What do you think Funko pops are that's all they are

There's like Captain America and like and you know sergeant slaughter and stuff Yeah, well this is sounds like just a bunch this sounds like ready player one this well shining video game It's anything that NBC Universal oh fuck off Frankenstein is gonna be there. No, that's WB. Well, actually, Frankenstein is technically a... What do you call it? Public domain. But if you put bolts in his neck, WB owns it. Because they came up with that. And Bride of Frankenstein. How do they fuck this up? Funko Pop's gotta be anything. Anything or nothing. That's their motto.

Well, this is gonna be, again, because they can't use Star Wars, so they have to use Battlestar Galactica. Okay. You got Jurassic World Shaun of the Dead. I mean, it's like a weird mashup. Yeah, they don't own this sucks Well now you'll be able pop that I'm used to no I watched the trailer and you know You know how your character will spawn they spawn in and their stupid little cardboard box on the box That's cool, but characters are gonna suck. I mean isn't the whole point that the toys are based on IP, but now if you're making IP from the toys, it's this inner feeding loop of insanity that is just...

It's just toys, man. Just make a Jurassic Park game then. No, no, I want to play the toys. Doug Tenable made the Jurassic Park game actually and it was a fucking awesome game. The one on Genesis or the NES one? Yeah, the one on Genesis. The side scrolling one. There was one that was like a RPG on the NES and I never played it.

Dog shit. Doug's game was fucking dope. Everything that guy touches is like gold. He's got a lot of ideas. Big got a lot of ideas bigfoot bill was one of these comic recently and now he's got his channel where he rants every day I'm out of the election was stolen and that's not that stuff. I only know about video. That's all he does now I don't know if you've noticed that he's basically Said an interview gotta make a video game for daily wire Combat Christ you gotta fight your way through hell. You're in limbo The harrowing of hell.

That would be cool. No, he's at the place where he's making the fetus cartoon. What's it called? Noom or some Bloom? Jesus Talk TV. Either way, guys, Funko Pops right now is 128 with 409 upvotes. I'm gonna urge you to vote in up. Okay. And here's one that's really hitting close to home and we might talk about this for a while. This is from episode 55 one I brought in which I

think at the time people said well that's not a good problem but as more and more YouTube influencers have entered this space the problem of celebrity bands seems to be getting worse and worse we've talked about of course Tim Poole's music. The worst music ever. Has been not great, but now- They play that in Israel. They play Tim Poole's music all day long. Yeah. Have you ever been there? To scare the Gazans?

No, cause they like it. Oh, they like it in Israel. The Jews are dancing. Dance their nuts off. Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. He's gotta do something about that beanie, man. You saw those pictures, right? Where he's in the sweltering Mar-a-Lago heat in Florida, standing there with a suit with no tie.

Right. A dress shirt that you can see through. A tan suit, yeah, and a fucking beanie that is swelter- that must be causing him to swelter and perspire. Well, we're not talking about Tim Pool, funnily. Like a Mississippi slave. Yeah, he looks real- he's got-. Just get the hair transplant. What a fucking clown It's so weird And I said the only way you can make this work Linus's blanket. The only way you can make this work is if you understood that the beanie is comical and you started investing in like

hilarious themed beanies like if you had a beanie with like sun Shit all over it or whatever you go. Oh, it's my tropical beanie, you know? But no, it's just, do you think that like, he's wearing a winter cap in the sweltering summer heat? He's so popular because everything that makes him so pathetic and like derisable is identifiable by his audience. Like are people that sad and lacking in like any kind of social graces or self-awareness that they're drawn to him for that reason? Is that what...

I can't possibly... Why is he so... I can't explain the popularity of Tim Pool. I don't. I think... Because I hate people and I hate him. There must be something to that. Well, how long has Tim Pool been doing stuff on YouTube? Like a while, right?

Too long. Too long. I always talk about the idea of not the best, but the first. And Tim was probably one of the first guys who just said, if every day I just go live and talk about stupid politics shit. People are gonna watch.

Yeah, cause there's nobody else doing it right now. Yeah, that's true. And once you settle in with a broadcaster and you're familiar with them, they could be total dog shit and you guys shows up as a million times better. And you're like, yeah, but I don't know. I've been listening to Tim for like five,

like Howard Stern's completely, the whole show has changed. If you listen to Howard Stern now, it's completely different show from 20 years ago. But there's still guys who just go, yeah, but Howard's my guy. So I'm gonna listen to him give the worst possible interview of Joe Biden I've ever heard. I don't know if you saw that.

He surrounds himself with these team, these stupid, like, not quite OnlyFans, but like, old men are watching this only to jack off to these girls that you're hiring here. Yeah, Tim Poole or Howard Stern? Tim Poole. That's a little both. Yeah, I don't know what's going on.

I heard Tim Poole deleted an episode because there's some sort of hubbub. Regardless, not only is Tim Poole's music terrible, maybe this will catch a fast guard, however. Backwards is back! Oh, yeah. Which, uh, backwards is back. Eric July wrote a song about me. Eric July wrote a song about you, and then for some reason is claiming it's not about you,

even though it's obviously about you. I start getting lit up and I'm like uh oh, something happened. Dude, the second I was, somehow, for some reason he dropped it at midnight and I look and someone's like hey, Eric, should I drop the song? I immediately went and I checked the lyrics. Do you want to read the lyrics first? Yeah, read the lyrics first? Yeah, read the lyrics. Okay, go to youtube.com and backwards is spelled W-O-R-D-Z so like words that you would speak but then with a Z at the end.

Blackley. Got it. They've released their new single. Wait, that didn't work. Backwards? Just search for it. Stop putting slat. What are you doing? You're the one that was fucking telling me to use- I didn't say type youtube.com just search for- backwards. Yeah there it's right there. Real quick they have released a new single. Who's this fat- Is this Az in blackface? This is Eric Jilai's beloved metal band backwards which has released a new single titled White Pilled also being called in parentheses the rip-a repiverse anthem so this is an anthem for his comic company for some reason which I don't understand. You don't have an anthem. Oh actually somebody did a present for me about it. Hit more and you'll be able to see the lyrics.

So then I go on Twitter and say oh Eric Julli wrote a song about me and was like no no no they're really and Eric July comes out and says This song has been in existence. I've been two years Postulating this song in the back of my proverbial Gray matter and just gesticulating upon this sorry narcissist, but this same song ain't about you and it's like uh But it's all about like haters and honest Criticism okay, we're gonna read one line from this and it's gonna make it very clear It's about you. I will say not one not two, but three members of backwards work for the rip-a-verse Which is uh, this is how this was promoted to me in an email sent by the rip-a-verse How much does this shit cost? And this epic video was launched across all their social media platforms

Yeah, cool. Now the reason, again, I said, oh well, when it said this is a Ripperverse anthem, I assumed, I'm like, oh, so it's gonna be a song like, and this song's fighting all the time, and Y'all Versus Out There Stopping Crime. I'm like, that would make sense for a Ripperverse anthem. This is, I guess, about the spirit and drive. But it didn't exist,

but it existed two years ago, he's saying. It's confusing, I guess he started writing it knowing he would have a successful comic book company or something. How about winning? That's focused on winning. It didn't exist, but it existed two years ago, he's saying. It's confusing. I guess he started writing it knowing he would have a successful comic book company or something. How about winning? That's focused on winning? It's about winning. All right, did Stanley ever do this?

Stanley, for some reason, did not do this. Oh, OK. Now there was one line that I'm trying to find. It's right there. Go up a little bit. Up a little bit? Where is it? You're almost there's right there. Go up a little bit. Up a little bit. Where is it? You're almost there. Right there. Okay. I don't, I'll have to hear him sing this because these lyrics don't seem to rhyme. You're not even my enemy, yet you try to

sow doubt as your morale depletes your weak. Okay. Present it like it's an honest critique. Okay. But how can you call it that when you won't even stand on your feet? Okay. So now I hear the words honest critique and I go, well that would seem to be a Barb directed at the man who famously critiqued Eric Jilai and created a avalanche of drama. People being by yes by saying well this comics not very good Eric is saying no I wrote this two years ago Which as we discussed earlier you had a huge chip on your shoulder about honest critiques two years ago That's actually worse if that's true because that means that you previously experienced someone saying well

I'm just giving you an honest critique Eric, and you got so mad you wrote a song about it Screamo Two years ago And a Pimo rock rap fucking anthem about how you don't listen to criticism You already wrote that song he wrote a song about saying I have a small dick, but don't worry I already have a song written about how it's cool to have a small dick Hahaha, it's cool to have a small dick Okay, that's cool Now have a small day

Now Eric has said he will not strike anyone who plays this song we'll see me probably won't he probably won't so let's see Eric July oh man Fucking cubes are flying around. It's a warehouse in disarray House let's listen to a bit of this. And Tim Cast and backwards when tour I'm grab those lyrics from the description cuz He looks so fucking fat Look look at him. Ooh. I like the singer. Oh my God. Don't stay from me You're the reverse now

You're the reverse now You're the reverse now It's like an Ed Hardy song. It's being a cool bitch now. Yeah. Well there you go. That is the backwards. Stop using the mouse. Well I, uh, I'm stopping. So there you go. That is backwards white pill the repaverse anthem. All about how the haters

can suck it. Alright are we done with the voted up? We're almost done with voted up. Holy shit. I mean, look, it's already 50 minutes! You're on fucking slow-mo today. Is it the 100 grand? Is it the $100,000?

You're like ambling your way through this. This is a good segment! I guarantee you, I guarantee you views are dropping. No! I guarantee. Oh my god. Anyway, guys, currently guys currently celebrity bands is number 441 with a hundred and twenty six up votes

I'm going to urge you to go vote it up and I did want to point something out real quick Okay, go to my Twitter real quick Okay, mr. This segments too long Okay, I just wanted to point out that there is very exciting It's so long! Okay. I just wanted to point out that there is very exciting behind the scenes footage of the filming of this music video, which I retweeted if we scroll down. Let's see if we can find that.

There's a bunch of you posting shakes and desserts. Well that's for my segment later that will come up. Now I'm going to suggest that someone could download this video. Put a bunch of cocks around, put a bunch of guys jacking off all around him. I'm not gonna say that- Coming all over it. This green screen footage of Eric spinning around in a circle is potentially exploitable, but I did see this and think this is maybe something that he did not want the guy who made this to- Oh, you think that he did not want the guy who made this

Oh you think you think that song about me being hypersensitive to criticism about you that says a lot about you No, it doesn't dude. It says that you're so fucking mentally warped and thin-skinned That anything would have set you off and then it's got nothing to do with me Just the first person to criticize you would have totally fucked up your life That's what it says and you wrote a fucking ode to it. You wrote your hypersensitivity The best way to accept criticism is to write a song about how honest criticism is bullshit He's like the Morrissey of black people. Oh, here's my emotions. I can't take criticism, but I'm gonna win anyway I'm releasing this song for my mom on Mother's Day because I didn't have a dad

I wrote this song, I'm releasing this song for my mom on Mother's Day because I didn't have a dad. Oh, okay. It's all about how I have no mental fortitude. Alright, it's got nothing to do with you guys making fun of me. It's all about me and how I can't take anyone making fun of me. I would make the argument that if I had written a song that included the lyrics honest critique and I was currently being assailed. I would change the lyrics honest critique and I was currently being assailed. I would change the lyrics! I would go, you know what that's gonna look like I'm being a petty bitch

responding to an internet comedy podcast again so why don't I just change that to anything else. Has he been using that phrase forever? I don't know it's really weird. When he was doing his gay dance-offs he was like well that isn't an honest critique. This is an honest critique. Did he learn that from his grandma? Did that phrase come down from Grandpappy Eyesong? What the fuck is that? It's very fucking weird. Bro, it looks like you wrote a song

about all the people making fun of you. No. You're wrong. What it is. I'm just so glad we have this footage of Eric spinning on a green screen background. I can always- He's jacking them off.

Yeah, give me your cum. Give me your cum, cum your cum cumptelman give me your... I get the feeling what is this like a will it smash like a hydraulic press thing why is he in a pyramid of bismuth what is this saying what is this fucking saying

god this is better CG imagery than in that Yira Trill you should have got this guy to fucking build out a man yeah man yeah you should have got this guy to fucking build out a 3D. A man? Yeah, a man. Yeah, you should have got a man. Well, the guy who made it actually followed this guy because he made like a bunch of Star Wars fan films and stuff, and I'm like, oh, this guy's actually pretty good at what he does, so yeah, he's got him spinning in a fucking, I mean, this is whatever.

These guys, these YouTubers are so fucking bad at everything. Yeah. All the art they make is total dog shit. Everything. Everything they make, everything they write is garbage. I don't, well, I'm really- Oh man, that's dope. So I'm spinning around in between two cubes.

Yeah, Eric, we really pulled out all the stops in Adobe After Effects, bro. This is one of the finest projects I've ever worked on. An idiot spinning around, a fat idiot spinning around in a cube. Good job, bro. I just, I go, so he's not really writing any comic books at this point, right? He's like, no, like, but at this point it's like, it's not even like, Eric's job was show up to be black.

Yeah. That's it. Three profit. He's definitely not writing comics. He's making music. If I was a fan of the Ripperverse, I'd be like, bitch, when are you making fucking music videos? No, no, no. They don't want the comics. Are you kidding? They want this. They want the message, man. But do they like this music? That's the problem, though.

Nobody likes this music. Yeah, well that's what I'm saying Like it's like his audience is you go well, you know, I don't really listen to this kind of music But it sounds good for what it is. I'm like, you're not gonna sell a bunch of albums You gotta go with the audience's the audience is a It's about a nerdy weird conservative guys buying comics. I don't know what they're listening to Country just go country. Oh just resist the urge to you know, put out a fucking music video of your screamo. Just quietly release it and erase the lyrics that are a clear reference to people on the internet who made fun of you.

Over a year ago at this point, I think? He likes it though, he likes lying like a little boy. It is weird how he lies. Like, directly. Alright, well that's voted up. And we're gonna play our famous sound effect that signals the transition between... Don't play... No, we play the voted up after everybody.

This isn't a voted up theme though. We already played it, I'm already in for a penny. Alright. It's a good song still. I'll stop it when it's no longer good. It's also gonna get the stream kicked, cause it's the fucking copyrighted Titanic theme. Fuck! Eric's already going to copyright strike it. He fucking cares.

I guarantee we already have a Titanic strike on this video. You guys think that song about me not taking criticism, my whole life is about you? Think again. I've never taken criticism. I always cry like a bitch. Well, he really got us. I don't know what it... I mean, somebody else go read the lyrics.

Try to explain to me what that song's about. I don't know what I mean somebody else go read the lyrics try to explain to me what that song's about I don't get it, but it is the rip-a-verse anthem Dick what is our first? I don't want to talk about this shit anymore honestly. Well what? Don't you have two problems? Yeah, I'll do that. I got to figure one out on the fly now. You want me to do one? Yeah, you do one Okay, I'll do one My problem dick is Drinks with shit in them. Okay, the other day I went well, you know, I've been doing pretty good I deserve a treat of course, which is the famous fat person saying

But I did so good with my comic don't I deserve a treat But I did so good with my comic, don't I deserve a treat as a reward? No! The money's the reward, you idiot. No, you don't need rewards. I know, I don't need rewards. It wasn't that I needed a reward, it was that I... Wanted to eat. No, I wanted to drink a delicious beverage. Drink calories, I forgot.

I wanted... shut up, okay? And I went for a while... I walked to the tea and boba shop near my house. To the phone? Shutba shop near my house. Shut the fuck up, no. I walked to a little cafe. I went in. After the paramedics brought you back to life. Then what happened?

Well, I was looking on the menu and I said, you know what, they got this milk tea, looks good. Could be tasty. And I said, why don't you give me one of those milk teas? Yeah, these sugary milky tea deliciousness things, right? And I wait for it and they give it to me and I go and I go Shit, it's got boba and it doesn't you went to the boba store and you're shocked that you think that you got boba I forgot they didn't ask for me a lot of the times the last like do you want?

Boa but here they assume okay, you must want these little you just want to drink the syrup then yeah I just want any kind of impediments blocking you well exactly I accidentally choke on a loaf of carbs Well, I don't think that beverages should be mixed with solids the The whole point of a beverage. What about ice? A delicious liquid. You don't eat the ices in big cubes. Okay, you know? It's in many different sizes and shapes. Well, the people who get the tiny, like the slush,

I don't agree with that either, but that's kind of okay. You're icy, you're anti-icey. Icy is like still got a fluid consistency to it. I don't feel myself having to chew on anything that comes through the straw, right? Yeah Okay, cuz the boat you're like, oh man, this milk tea is delicious and then a boba shoots up the fucking thing. You're like, oh It is disconcerting Yeah, it's like a little snot ball just shot in your mouth

It's not ball like a snot ball. It's a consistency of a snot ball It's like you coughed up a loogie in your own mouth and now you're gonna swallow it back down, okay? Who decided like, hey, tea's pretty good, but what if I was chewing on little slimy balls of sugar while I was drinking it? That makes no sense. I don't know, it's a fun little, you know, treat. Why is it fun?

How is it fun? It was like the first time somebody did that, it's like, that was an experiment, let's never do that again. But somehow it is caught on where now people think we should just put a bunch of shit in beverages. Yeah. Like it's fun. Well, because normal people wouldn't just like take a pizza

and put it in a blender and then drink it. Right. Normal people need to have some sort of abstraction that's distracting them from just consuming raw calories. Which you don't have. You just want to suck down the suker of capitalism. But the boba adds calories! It's adding more calories to... Yes, but it's making it a thing.

It's like you can't have a cocktail without three ingredients. You need at least three ingredients, Otherwise you're just drinking liquor. Okay, but a cocktail, like you get a martini, they don't just like put the, they don't chop the fucking olive up and put it in, so you're suppin' up little bits of olive in every fucking thing. Well, they might in another drink, you know. That would suck! I don't want that at all! I want, if it's gonna be, look, there's a very limited amount of beverages and liquids and salads should be kept separate. You eat the food, you drink the beverage. You don't eat the beverage. That's retarded, okay?

You're so picky. I am picky. About foods. I think everybody agrees with me on that. I don't know anybody who likes the boba. They're fun, you know? And they prevent you from drinking the milk tea as fast as humanly possible. It doesn't slow you down at all.

It's supposed to. Well, it definitely is not supposed to because that's not what happens. Not only is Boba added calories, but the tapioca pearls are made of starchy carbs. Once cooked, a one fourth cup serving of Boba pearls can contain 160 calories. You're adding 160 calories. Oh, OK. Can you believe it? And it doesn't stop at Boba Pearls can contain 160 calories. You're adding 160 calories. Oh, okay. Can you believe it? And it doesn't stop at Boba.

Look, I've always been critical of these Instagrammable milkshakes. Have you seen these things? What? I hate these. This is retarded. This is the stupidest thing. Well, this is what they did to Bloody Marys, too. Oh yeah, Bloody Marys got incredibly. Like go somewhere, and instead of making a good Bloody

Mary, they're giving you a Bloody Mary that has, like, onion rings come out the top and shit. The brontosaurus thing from the Flintstones that ticks the whole bar over when you sit there. It's like, all right, can you just, like, just give me the ingredients, and I'll make my own. Since you've replaced making a good one with just making it with a shovel.

Well, I got ten hamburgers, onion rings. Just put that on a plate next to it. Yeah. I mean, what? But at the whole point- Eww, God, I love it. You gotta take a picture of it. It's for Instagram.

I'm so stupid, I can't even figure out a straw. These have always driven me nuts because the idea that, how do you get to the fucking milkshake? You gotta pull all this shit off of it, and why would you eat a whole lollipop and go along with your milkshake? I can hear like Muslim music in the back of my head staring at this stuff like, ohhhh. This is why we gotta stop the Americans, yeah. Yeah. 9-11 was caused by shit like this. They saw this and they said, uh, this glorified western excess. At least one person who was in the Twin Towers when they got hit was talking about fancy

milkshakes. 100% chance that they were in the middle of a con- they were telling somebody about a milkshake they had and the tower was hit and somebody went, oh thank Christ. You ever drink a milkshake and you went, I wish I had two giant pretzel sticks. Yeah, but not in the milkshake. Like what, who came up with this? Here I had a little more. These are hilarious. Like- giant pretzel sticks. Yeah, but not in the milkshake. Like what who came up with this here? I had a little more. These are hilarious like oh man Look at how many all these like little fucking cookies and again just milkshakes are good. A great milkshake is great. Are you a milkshake guy?

Occasionally you don't drink any milkshakes not even with a little liquor in them or something. No, I really don't like that really Yeah, it's I feel like it's condescending Like don't think you're placating don't think you're you're appeasing me by I will order it I'm going to get the shake with the liquor in it, but don't think that you're giving me an alcoholic We got that bottle of Kahlua up there, and I think I'm the only one who drinks out of it Yeah, I don't that shit is for women. is this. No, I have it for women. I don't have it for me. Fair enough.

Again, the idea of these just, it's a beverage. And if you want food, the food can go next to it. Yeah, you don't got to put it in the drink. Or I get these teas with like, I got a great, it's like this great fruit tea that I got. But then there's little bits like fucking pineapple and whatever and it's all crunchy and... Look, I don't want it. Uh, Dick, I also have red orange juice with pulp.

Uh, no. See, that's a good example. That's the best one. That's the best one. You like the pulp? Yeah, it's fun. It feels like you're eating an orange. No, once we developed the ability to get the pulp out of there, that was like the pinnacle of human civilization. Was we could still have juice without stuffing it. That was when we evolved as a life form, okay? Okay.

Okay, you ever drinkin' milk and you get somethin' in it? And then you go, oh, this is now cheese and I'm not gonna drink it any longer. How are you drinkin' milk, man? I don't know. Well, I'm a milk boy. I like my milk. I was also going to say, you know, some people don't even realize with this boba that there are dangers involved. A teen in China of 14 years old was hospitalized after hundreds of tapioca balls were found lining her intestines.

Wait, what? For five days, she was unable to have a bowel movement due to drinking so much boba tea that the starchy spheres accumulated. We have a x-ray here. We can see the insides of a Chinese girl. This is all boba. How old is she? Four- she's 14, Dick. We're looking right at her vagina on this x-ray.

What are you talking about? You can seeray. Well, that's not what we're looking at. What are you talking about? You can see her naked body! That's her bowel! That's not her fucking na- How is this not child porn? Null is gonna have a field day with this! Okay, well...

You're putting literal- literal naked girls- Blame the sun! Little girls' body! Blame the sun! As the sun did this. I don't even wanna look! I can't look away! They had to give this poor girl industrial strength laxative so she could pass all these tapioca balls that were

all doctors were sitting there. Oh yeah, you done? How's that laxative feeling? Let me know. Hit the button. It was China, not Japan, thankfully. Japan they would have had a real good time. Real quick, interesting facts on the sugar and calorie content of bubble tea. Because you see they have all these toppings you ever go through they go you want this you want this shit on there Although the gel and I've never done it. I just send her in well If you were wondering which toppings you should go for the aloe vera only 31 calories

You do the pretending like you're what? People I'm helping people I'm helping people They don't know cuz they have all the different jellies the jellies are okay the rainbow jelly drinking the tea That's bad. It's not the rainbow jelly 71 calories the pudding jelly at 89 calories 16 and then you go to the tapioca pearls boom you're bumping up to And then you go to the tapioca pearls boom gotcha you're bumping up to 156. That's double Yeah, that's like a rainbow jelly. That shit is a trick that they tell people like you So you feel like you have control over how many I say don't get any of it Don't get any of it If you're gonna get anything you should get the rainbow jelly not the tapioca pearls you save yourself so many calories

And if you're a fan of the foam a lot of people are doing the foam. I don't like it Cheese foam and milk foam. Oh yeah, I like the cheese ones. That cheese foam is big. You don't go to the Boba shops. You don't know. The cheese foam is at 180 and the classic milk foam at 203. Guys, avoid the foam. Okay. Some tips to make your bubble tea guilt-free. select a lower calorie topping or go topping free Is this from good good housekeeping? It is actually from I have a plain tea

With zero calories. Yeah, obviously what kind of advice that have regular tea without shit in it. Thanks and Yeah, that's good advice. I mean you should do that obvious advice. Well, I don't know about that What should I should I have a cheese foam chocolate pretzel surprise? You shouldn't have any of that shit. Or should I have tap water? Well, probably the tap water. But don't forget guys, at the Boba Shop you can always ask for less sugar. Why not ask for 30% the amount of sugar as opposed to the full 100%?

Save yourself some calories. Okay. There you go. Maybe I will do my problem after all good blacklists Blacklists you know any blacklists you know of any blacklists. Yeah There was the famous one ET awards. Oh what oh yeah, okay? Anyway Black lists the communists the communist black lists were big and black that backfired too because now we all now we're the communists. The communist blacklists were big. That backfired too. Now we're all communists.

Now we all feel sorry for them. That's what that achieved. Trying to ban all the communists just gave them something to cry about. Excommunication from the Catholic Church. One of the most classic blacklists in history. What's that? That was when they said you're not allowed to be a Catholic anymore. Who? If you fucked around, if you said like, what was it,

like Francis Bacon, who's like, we've got to reform the church, and the pope would say you're excommunicated. You are out of here. It was the original The Apprentice. How has nobody done Catholic Apprentice like 1600s? That's an idea. God damn it, I forgot. It doesn't work.

It doesn't work. You're Axe Communicated with a Trump Pope? That's good shit. That's terrible. That's not terrible. It's like SNL level. That would be like if you're making one of those historical history channels.

It was kind of like this. I think that we should reform the You're fired. Yeah yeah the comedy blacklist we all know about that I'm gonna be blacklist and apparently the blaze Doug ten apples on that blacklist why so mad at me then I'm not on the comic blacklist the way he is he's is he on the blacklist you think he's not allowed to make earthworm day earthworm Jim has distanced itself from Doug ten apple well earthworm Jim what I mean they're making an animated show. I think it's gonna be on Netflix

Really? Yeah, but it's weird cuz he owns the rights to make the comic books like 100% and they own everything else and Is it gonna be as good as x-men? I don't know. I was watching that x-men. It's not bad I don't think people are watching it though. That's, some people are watching it. It's a cartoon. Who's watching fucking cartoons, man? Losers. Invincible is doing good in the ratings. Yeah.

All right, so comedy blacklists. Yeah, comedy blacklists. Which we're on, cause we helped Dave Chappelle and he has never thanked us. I saw him smiling at the Netflix's Joke Awards, like sitting on a chair and I'm like, How about you throw us a little boney? Throw us a boney, yeah.

I kind of think, and then part of me thinks like, he probably actually hates us. Yeah, he probably thinks those guys fucked Yeah, fuck those guys. They were taking attention from me The trans shit could have lasted me for years That idiot those white guys. Yeah, we got it. I would have been good if you got canceled He could have spun it He was probably trying to get out of his Netflix contract and we fucked it up for him He probably had like an escape clause like if they, and we fucked it up for him. He probably had an escape clause. If they fire him, he gets all the money anyway.

Yeah. Well, there's also, I don't know if you were aware of this, there is a blacklist at The Blaze. The Blaze. They have a blacklist. What is The Blaze? I don't know, actually. OK.

It's some kind of a Glenn Beck's TV station, where they pretend to be outraged and stuff and where they they like just spend hours every day trying not saying the N-word even though they really want to. That's all because of the programming. Like, hey everybody, welcome to the show where we really want to say the N-word, but we can't. So we're just going to talk around it. We're all going to get you right to the edge where you want to come.

Why are all these Americans shoplifting? I can't believe it. All these normal Americans. You can tell. The Blaze is an interesting beast. One of the reasons it's interesting is that they have Alex Stein on there. Yeah, he's a friend of yours. Oh yeah. Go ahead. What are you gonna say? I'm an older friend with Alex Stein than most people. I've known Alex Stein for 10 years. People don't know this. We met each other doing a stand up in Los Angeles 10 years ago.

And Alex Stein is not Jewish. I want to say that. He's not Jewish, interestingly. You think because of his last name. No. But he thinks they did 9-11. Glenn Beck would never treat a Jewish person like he's treating Alex Stein.

Oh, he would. Well, this is all about. I've been blacklisted from The Blaze according to Alex Stein. Oh, he would, yeah, well this is all about. I've been blacklisted from the Blaze, according to Alex Stein. According to the Blaze. According to Alex Stein himself. Alex Stein told us in a coded message. Let's hear it, let's hear it.

Yeah, here. So, will you ever have Dick Masterson on the show? This is how it's first introduced for you. Kisses for Jimmy Hart, Pride flag. Oh, that took a turn. That is so nice, Tanner. We should get on Dick. Dick's really funny, is so nice, Tanner. We should get on Dick. Dick's really funny, but the problem with Dick.

We should get on Dick. Well, okay. Oh, you would love Dick. You went to Princeton where all the pedos go. So yeah, that would stick out to you, Dick. Dick Masterson went to Princeton University. No, I'm saying everybody at your school is sharing child porn, dude.

That's why. Child corn. Whatever whatever dude, whatever. My point is Dick Masterson is fighting with Eric so we can have I Don't want to just I don't want to stir that up. What about internet? Wow Any internet drum? Well, he really moved on from that topic quickly. He did not want to uh Dig into the idea that you're not allowed on the blaze because you famously criticized African-American contributor Eric July. Can we put in perspective, what did you or we-

What am I not banned from anymore? What did we do? What did you do to Eric July, really? Butt-fucked him in front of the whole universe, I guess. Metaphorically, I guess, but like- Glenn Beck was putting in a good word with the god for Eric and then uh, fight started and he's like, god's like, hey that guy you said was cool is looking like an asshole. They make it sound like you showed up to his house and like tried to kill his family.

You made fun of his comic book yeah poor Alex Stein and then we made fun of his comic book a couple more times today we made fun of his music I guess I'm just saying I don't feel like we've really gone over some sort of like insane line to the point where like people's lives are at stake that you can't possibly an idol of mine and now I find out that he's banned me from. Why was Glenn Beck an idol of yours? I always just wanted to be a fat, retarded looking,

pedophile looking guy. The amount that we're never going on the boys. Who believed in magical underwear. I always wanted to be a self-hating Mormon with a small penis who wanted to be Jewish. Before I was gonna say this ban is unjustified and now I feel like we're justifying it. I always wanted to be a fat old chronic masturbator who looks like his

Finger his hands are pinker than his butt. Mmm From and you admire those qualities. I guess you admire those. Yeah, I wanted to be Glenn I always grew up thinking man if I get molested I was when I was remember being nine years old I was like man if I get molested by a fat old retard looks like Santa Claus Dad you would hope I hope it's going back. Now you find out he doesn't like me I was definitely not gonna molest you now because you can't even get on that stage with Alex Stein. Oh man What have I done? What have you done alienated everyone? Well, I think

blacklisted myself from all these great institutions like Upright Citizens Improv Scam School. Yeah, they're killing it. They're killing it. And... Network where they try not to say the N-word and they even have to put a big picture of... I almost said an N-word. That would have been very inappropriate.

And their front lobby so everybody knows. So they don't even have to say, Oh we're not racist, we got that black guy. They just go, look at, Don't make me tap the Eric July sign again. Is that a black guy? Even though he's off making comic books and fucking music videos.

We're blackless people, making fun of them. He only comes in when they need someone to relate their experience of what it's like to be a Palestinian or an Israeli being attacked. Yeah, their experience that first time Do I even have left am I allowed to be on this? Well, you have your own Beyond Carl's show I guess show or you're currently on patreon making someone close to 20k I'm on God tell Glenn Beck to do this. I don't know did he convert to

Judaism like he said he wanted to, and then this happened? What happened? You're saying the Jewish nature of this is somehow. I didn't say that. I just think. Who's Palestine in this? Am I Palestine? I'm Palestine.

OK. Here's why I'm driven nuts by all this. My kid, my little kid, my kid's, my comedy, is getting blown up by Glenn Beck's is really making jokes But you shouldn't make jokes. This is like actually I think I should this is despicable what they're doing Cuz what pickable what do all these conservative networks and guys? What are you like all these magic underwear? You have to wear every every week? I'm gonna build a rocket ship I'm gonna blow up colob planet colob where Jesus is hanging out on his Mormon planet.

No, leave the Mormons out of this. Look, maybe the Mormons... I'm gonna blow it up, I'm gonna fly... Leave Kolob alone. I'm gonna fucking fly up there, in a space, in a flying dreidel. You say shoot laser beams. On behalf of the Jews, you're gonna kill the Mormon planet? On my behalf. Your understanding of this religious doctrine. I know exactly how you peon look here's what

I'm gonna say is that all these shows it's all about they're fighting right with like I'm gonna sneak into Glenn Beck's Mormon tabernacle yeah and when they put their you know they have to reach through a secret box and shake hands and I'm gonna put my dick in there I'm gonna pretend to be I'm gonna knock out the priest like Indiana Jones Look the Mormons on my put on his robes and then stick my dick in the tabernacle thing They get a handshake from Jesus. Do you know they get a handshake from Jesus? I know they get a handshake for Jesus and you're gonna put your penis in there

To shape my penis like a hand I can do that. Oh really? You just gotta think about it real- Like, plastic man. Don't do it right now, you're gonna exert yourself. Isn't the point of the blaze and the go- I'm gonna edge myself too. Look at this liberal personality and we hate them and they're so stupid and whatever else blah blah blah blah, you know like a lot of that. Blacklisted from Alex to- I helped that guy, I tried to help that guy.

I helped that guy too. He was Conspiracy Castle. I said come on my show We'll do a whole. I told him to go on your show when he was conspiracy castle. Look where it gets me. He was just a weird guy going to Public town halls and then at night he would go home and do a conspiracy castle A podcast that was only about how the 9-eleven attacks were fake. And then some self-hating. He did that every week for five years the 9-11 attacks were fake. And then some self-hating... He did that every week for five years.

And I would tune in. Mormon that wants to be a Jewish, that wants to be a Jew, comes in and says, you gotta stab, here's your 30 million pieces of silver, Alex, you gotta stab your friends in the back. Right in their face.

I know he doesn't want to. Here's what I believe. And Eric July sitting there like that guy in Jabba the Huck going, Ah, ah, ah, right? In an alien way. In an alien way. Alien noises. Ah, ah, ah, you know.

Jesus Christ. That's an alien. Here's what I want to believe about Alex Stein is I want to believe that, look, he's had this job for a while, like a year, he's still kind of finding his place within the blaze network, he's still proving that the show is economically viable for him back to invest in it, and he's obviously got a big staff there,

and you know, getting subscribers. She snuck this in! That's very nice of her. What flavor? I was waiting this whole time. Oh, really? Going, Where the fuck is my... She did a little sneaky one. I think that... So did Glenn Beck steal my beer? I think that Alex Stein right now is uh, he's in a minefield. I'm gonna give him, I'm gonna slip Glenn Beck a Mickey.

I'm gonna get a job being a bartender. I think maybe we don't have to say too many things about Glenn Beck. I think there's still an opportunity that maybe Alex Stein, once he's more- Why are you such an ass kisser? Who gives a fuck about Glenn Beck? I'm not ass kissing. Look, you're right. I'm there with you, okay? You're not. You're fine. You could be a good cop, I'll be a bad cop, I don't care. I just, uh, cause I don't want to call Alex Stein a bitch, you know, like it sucks- Oh, I'm not saying he's a bitch, you know? Like, it sucks. Oh, I'm not saying he's a bitch!

I know, but I'm saying he's been put in a bitch position by his employers. They're making him out to be a bitch. And I feel bad, like that video, he was forced at gunpoint to dance along with Eric Schlein, go, there's no beef, we're all friends. And I can't believe my producer tried to set up a debate with EVS because EVS is also clearly banned from the blaze because of this I'm hoping that Alex Stein is just going like I just kind of establish myself I'm gonna get him sauced and fuck him

As a mine maker at this network and then once that's there Glenn Beck's gonna say okay if you really want to bring these guys on I trust you I'm gonna dress like a Hasidic Jew at temple where Glenn Beck's sneaking in and trying to get his bat mitzvah at. Oi! I'm gonna get a real big hat so he can't see. Hey! What'll you have so bye bye? My man of Shevitz! And it's gonna have a bunch of acid in it. And roof and all. I just know Alex. And I'm gonna fuck him.

I know Alex is a- So he can't get into his own planet. Alex is a good guy. Okay, clearly the evil Glen Beck and- I think, you know, Eric July is leaning on- Like, like- Okay, clearly the evil Glenn Beck and I think you know Eric July is leaning on like they like He's not a good guy goes fucks with people's time and embarrasses them on the internet. What the fuck you talking about? He's not a good guy

Piece of shit just like the rest of us. Yeah, I know that's the thing is he likes look you went to Ethan's thing He's gone on your show. He likes all this he like I know he loves what's going on. Okay. I know this you can he's blinking it Video I'll just say man. I'm still a one three four friends with his producers producers come to me for like material for the show Okay, you're writing for that show not a writer, but he's been like you're making it sound like that No, no, no, but they were doing a segment on a guy and he goes. I know you know a lot about this guy Well, can you tell me what guy some news stories when they brought? I don't know if I should give it away Well, I guess at this point it was that uh, remember they brought Dom Lucray on? Oh that black liar? Yeah that

guy who just constantly lies all the time. Black lies matter, that's his organization. And he was like what are like some of the like stupidest craziest things he said and I said oh this is a good one, this is a good one. I'm straight. Yeah so, that's one of them as well. Look Alex is doing a great show and it's sad that, again, you had Glenn Beck and Eric July. Why can we not make fun of Eric July? I guess because we're too good at it, is the real problem. And Eric July is not good at responding to it.

See, it would have been fine if he had just been like, yeah, well, they're, you know, a bunch of busters and whatever else and just move on. But he got, he just got, it got so under his skin that he made it into this insane thing. Maybe Glenn Beck's like too, he's like too black. He's like, yo G, he's put on a do-rag. He's like, let's go roll up on those busters. Let's regulate. Oh, wow.

Let's regulate. Glenn Beck comes out, dancing. Well, you know what? Homophobe. Homosexually. He probably makes him dance more. I mean, throws nickels at Eric July. Dan do that dance again fat boy Do that dance dance for me like it's your wedding night. Dance you fat piece of shit You know write me a comic just kidding dance some more pop that butt out Eric pop that butt out for daddy

Look, I don't know what daddy Glenn. That's what he said And Eric July had I don't know out for Beck. Butts for Beck. I'm flicking nickels at him. Nickels. Bop, bop, bop, bop. Papa's got a brand new bag of nickels he says. No, you're making it racist. Then I will stomp.

But, I'll say, you know what, in a way Alex admitting to it live on air, he didn't gloss over it, he didn't say we'll look, we'll see if we say, well yeah, you know what, we'll look, we'll see if we can get him on. You know, I know he's a busy guy. He said straight up, we cannot have him on, because Eric July is a big pussy baby.

And I'm glad he said that, that's interesting to know. It's sad for him, I know he's a, I mean he's a, he wants to be on the screen. Lundbeck's the kind of Santa that makes all the kids cry you know what I mean? Yeah. Like aw man I don't like this. Bad touch Santa. This Santa fucking sucks.

Not a good guy. Just something about him. Something about him. Uncomfortable. Well hopefully. Give him one of the crummy planets. Hopefully this is a temporary blacklist. You get the fucked up planet over there.

You get that planet way over there. It's all very bizarre. He'll be gay somewhere else. You know what the worst part is, not knowing what blacklist you're on. I wish they would just tell you, but I guess they can't, because then you turn it into material like this. At least this we know you're on the blacklist.

I'm going to assume. I want to get on all of them. Well, I know I'm on some somewhere. I've had some. Yeah. Don't serve like a Baskin Robbins. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, when I go to the Chinese buffet, they go no fat boy

You're a too much a crab leg. Yeah black lists, huh My friend Chris the Kiwis on a hooker blacklist. Well, he deserves to be on that blacklist. He's treating them on Don't you support sex workers? He's treating those women like hookers. Oh wait It doesn't hit them. He doesn't it that's true. He's back. That's much nicer. Oh, wait. He doesn't hit them. That's true. That's much nicer. They just can't stop texting him back.

Yeah, they should refrain. What does he do? He goes, you stupid whore or something. And they're like, I can't believe you would talk to me like that. And they go straight to the cops. They go to the cops. Well, he says, I'm going to kill myself.

All right. It must be working for him, because he's still texting him. He must be finding some whores. Well, he just got out of jail. He was in jail for three months. For what? For uh... Harassing hookers. Yeah, saying he's gonna kill them and stuff. I don't think so. I don't know. I think just bothering them.

Electronic based harassment? Yeah. You gotta say, you gotta go over the line to get a... I don't know, it's Australia though, right? Is he in Australia? Yeah, I don't know how it works in Australia. They got weird laws over there. Sometimes they just lock you Sometimes they just lock you because you pissed them off too much all right well dick do you have a Horrifying sound effect or is that whole oh man? shit

There we go Fuck if you want to send in maybe a different sound effect we could use. No, that's never changing. Okay. Dick, my problem is, I guess it's conservative comedy, man. Oh, okay. But here's the thing is that I'm not even like one of these guys who goes, oh man, like, there's no such thing as a funny conservative or whatever else. You know, there's a lot of guys on the internet who go like, well the reason conservatives aren't funny

is because they only punch down and they never, it's none of that, it's none of that. What's the implication of the only punch down? The implication of the only punch down is that, yeah, they're gonna make fun of the marginalized and the gays and the blacks and the Jews, who of course are on the lowest rung of society, so you can't make jokes about them.

Punching down. Can we play a clip from this or something or look at it or something? I don't know. What is it, that stupid show? Yeah. I don't even know how to do that. Daily Wire is debuting a new show called mr. Burcham Which I find myself

Very intrigued by and these guys got to get a payday, you know There we go now this trailer came out. I will mention this My teammates can see your junk you're welcome ladies Wow, that's what is that what the internet is? Real quick, I want to give you a quote and then we can watch a little more of this. This is from Jeremy Boring, of course, what is he? CEO of the Daily Wire, he says, from Liberals. We're hoping liberals will tune in to see what comedy liberals will tune in to see what comedy used to be like. The idea that of course this show was considered too anti-woke for traditional TV.

So this is the kind of comedy that would just offend liberals so much that they couldn't possibly allow it. Do you think he should have been famous? Who, Jeremy Boring? Yeah, he thinks he should have been like a famous Hollywood writer. Yeah, he absolutely thinks he's still trying to do that There we go Okay, so the joke there was the first person to get insulted wins a bet Yeah, and instead of the kid running up and going,

hey, you fucking F slur or something, that would have actually been. So your problem is that it's not funny enough for you? What's the joke? They called him Mr. Butt Chum. That's too extreme for TV. Oh my god, I can't believe a rap skit. I mean, I don't know.

What is this, like Simpsons 1990? Like, can you believe that a young boy said eat my shorts? Like how disrespectful. People like that shit. He's being disrespected. No that was like shocking when that first came out. Remember that uh I think it was George Bush who said. Eat my shorts? No it was not shocking. It was like it was like that the president found it shocking probably. Yeah well a huge Yes. There was like parents councils that were like, I just, you know, it's very disrespectful the way- Yeah, there still exists. They're still just as retarded.

Right. Okay. That was 20- 30 years ago. Yeah. That was like shocking. Uh-huh. And now I'm supposed to be shocked by a kid who goes, Watch out, Mr. Buttchum.

To the character whose name is Mr. Birchum. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay. I Have a more of this. Well, you know what? I have a couple things here cuz apparently they had a Hollywood style premiere at Academy la a trendy nightclub in Los Angeles. I'm said we didn't get to go to this. This could have been fun I bet you actually are sad though. I want us. What's the difference between this and Legion of Skanks? Well this I want to- uh... They're two different things. What do you mean? I mean what's the difference of networking at this shit? Look I just want to go to Skank Fest cause I want-

Cause Skank Fest is gonna be like stand up. It's not a shitty fucking comedy family guy ripoff. Adam Carolla's not shitty! Look, Jeremy Bornex says this show will use comedy to challenge the status quo. Here's a couple of the jokes that this reporter heard or you know, I guess they watched an episode at this thing. Mr. Burcham was a shop teacher, must defend his job from the school's new Justice Equity Diversity and Inclusion Officer, AKA Jedi is what he calls himself. That's a real thing though.

Is that Justice Equity Diver- okay. Yeah. Oh you don't know. I don't know. Yeah. So is that funny? I mean it's just a- it's character. It's just what he- The character has a scooter with a license plate that says LGBTQIA2S plus XRW percentage asterisk you know

because that acronym has gotten very long yeah let's see a license plate that's a long license plate that uh that diversity officer goes to mr. Burschman he says do I have consent to shake your hand? It's a joke about him. That's real though. I know it's real, but isn't there a way to make that maybe funnier or something? Man, Superkiller, you better be very funny. If you're criticizing these guys for 90s comedy,

you better be really bringing some heat. I got some good, what? You better really be bringing some heat. My comedy is more like reactions, you know, it's like what gates gays that facial expressions Like that yeah, I like that kind of stuff Okay, when a girl in the woodshop class says she's triggered by mr. Birchham's grading system He says you can't use the word triggered if you've never fired a weapon. I mean, that sounds like Adam Carolla. Yeah, it sounds like Adam Carolla.

Yeah. Okay. Uh, look, I want, here's the thing. I want this show to be good, though. I want it to be good. Yeah. Because I like the idea. I don't know if I believe that.

No, I like the idea that, you know know there's a lot of bad comedy out there especially now You know we were talking about it last week the idea that there's no like good sitcoms anymore because there's things you know You're not really a very easy man. They're out there man. There's hard to find they are very hard to find Gary and his demons I found luckily great show that I'll check that out. But it does seem like TV comedy especially, unless it is animated. It's like Family Guy in South Park, get away with a lot. But it seems like, yeah, there's like, I don't know, like a lot of people behind the scenes, maybe Sweet Baby type situations and DEI.

Yeah, well, Seinfeld talked about it, kind of making it so there's jokes you can't tell. And I go, okay, well then this show, which is on Daily Wire, it's got Adam Carolla, you know, a famous comedian, The Man Show, which you like. He's funny. He's funny. It's just a pilot. Pilots all suck. Pilots do all suck.

So I'm going to be cautiously optimistic. But I look at it. You just think you could have done this better. I think that this... Kinda. I think that the character archetypes are not thought out very well. Oh, okay. Okay, like at the beginning, like his son is like a... just like a gamer? Yeah. A gamer kid? Sure. There's nothing there. That's a trope that exists? Yeah, but okay. A streamer? If it's gonna be a gamer kid, he should be a fucking

trans kid with cat ears and fucking striped stockings. Why would a shop teacher have a trans kid at home? Because that creates fucking comedy! That's like, oh my god. But the kid wouldn't be trans, the kid would be secretly trans, okay? That would be really off-putting and not identifiable. And every time Mr. Berger comes home, he goes, ah, my son must be bedding all these ladies, because there's all this women's clothing lying around.

He goes, yeah, dad, you know what? And he's secretly trans? He's secretly. So instead of forcing trans people into the main role, you just want to force them into a comedy punching bag role. Why would they be a punching bag? I didn't say in that you guys treat them like shit. You just demonstrated why they would be a punching bag.

Wait, why would that be a punching bag thing didn't say that you guys just demonstrated why they would be a punching bag Funny joke where he's treating him like a jock superstar and he's trans that for some reason for you that means he's gay Well, I mean this is very very transphobic what you're saying Transphobic I think is if you're talking about gamer kids sitting alone all day on discord or whatever, okay? He should have a fucking pair of cat ears in the bag and his dad's like not dad's like what's that? Is they that's for a Halloween costume on Morgan? I was ah you kids and you whatever more puns What is that a pun look? It's just slapstick slapstick. There's nothing there. It's just a gamer kid It's like so you write this show better than them. That's the problem. I would have characters. There's no care other than mr. Birchum

What about the black guy? What is the black ice? Oh, yeah I know the Jedi is this guy who I'm assuming Jeremy boring does the voice of cuz he has to hold on Let's watch it. Okay, let's watch it. You can tell me all about how you do it better put on put it on so they can see Okay, all right. Hold on. Let them see what we're looking at here. What shot? Piss it out after class. I found some really great school uniform options to avoid misgendering. Ooh, what about their allergies?

Maybe those they's could be lactose intolerant. No, we can't say intolerance. We have a zero tolerance policy for mentioning intolerance. Uh, Jeremy Boring is so bad. Is that Jeremy Boring it sounds like? It's got to be. You can feel him. You can feel him overacting it. He's like a greeting card, man.

You know what else is funny? You remember Candace Owens was supposed to be in this? I don't know. They recorded a bunch of voices for Candace Owens in the last trailer. You saw her read lines and then now you're like, Hey, where's Candace Owens? Well, she you saw her read lines and then now you're like, hey where's Candace Owens? Well, she didn't like Israel so she's not on the show anymore. Yeah, you can't have it. Everybody on the show signed a, yeah we love Israel.

Historically Israel hates carpentries so I'm surprised they got this. They do historically hate carpentries. Very good. The kids, men were men. Now everyone's wrapped up in feelings. Ha ha ha. Real men stuff feelings down with red meat, cigarettes, and violence. My name is Mr. West, I solve problems. Patrick Warburton and they can't even get a good line out of him.

It's crazy, it feels like, like I understand what they're saying, but it's almost, it's posing as the generation that we are when it's actually 30 years too old. This feels like something, this feels like they wrote the script 15 years ago and didn't update it at all. Yeah. There's a bear smoking a cigarette and he says, uh, real men, like red meat and violence. Yeah.

You're the, uh, the most boring guy. Yeah, you're the quintessential guy that I don't want to hear from. I think this is, uh, what's her name? Brett Cooper. You're the quintessential guy that I don't want to hear from. I think this is, what's her name, Brett Cooper? The only member of the, she's the only wire, the little girl they have playing Snow White. Oh, the hunchback? She hunchbacked? Yeah, her posture is atrocious.

I have no idea. She's the only member of the entire production who seems to be under the age of 40, however. She's got that broke back syndrome where that guy was all bent over they had a cut cut him in half and straight him out yeah that Chinese guy you see that I didn't know that was her Actually, I was gonna say you're too fat That's the Jedi know the Jedi's the guy with the fucking pony Big tits watch mr. Birchum and all new animated What it's I wanted to be good. I wanted to be good, but I think that was pretty good It's yeah, it looks it looks pretty good I'm cautiously hoping that it's much better than that shitty fucking trailer you could do everything better than everyone I think that

I would have trans The trans kid? The trans kid would be funny, and I don't know why you're denying me that. It's like, totally off the wall. Like, naked gun jokes. Like, the Abrams brothers, the Zucker brothers. These guys, I know what's going on on the internet, okay? And it's a bunch of trans kids being weirdos, man. The fact that there's no trans kid in this tells me

This is not if you're gonna make a high school comedy so like a typical liberal you're upset. There's no trans kids on it I'm you gotta make you trans kids if you're making a Conservative led comedy of them about high school. Yes, absolutely. You have to to. You're the only guys who are allowed to do it, right? What are you talking about? You should be making fun of trans kids a little bit. Why? Because it's funny. It's funny what they do. It's just mean.

It doesn't have to be mean. It could be a celebration of their quirkiness. Why would a conservative cartoon want to celebrate trans quirkiness? I just think the idea of Mr. Perchum. You just want to see like a like a femme boy that's cat is that you can jack off No, not that I could jack off to that. It would be funny Again, the idea of mr. Burcham's like wow, my son's killing it with the ladies. I keep finding all this Lady other than that one joke? That one naked gun joke? I have not thought through an entire way to fix Mr. Burcham, but I did say, OK,

with the effeminate liberal ponytail guy, they're going too hard with it. Jeremy Boring's going too hard with it. You just play that guy straight, and it's funny. So three straight guys. That sounds like a good show. No, you play. Well, no.

Is Mr. Burcham the straight guy? Is Adam Carolla the straight guys, that sounds like a good show. No, you play, well, no, is Mr. Bersham the straight guy? Is Adam Carolla the straight guy? What do you think? I guess, kind of. Is he gonna be the hysterical, exaggerated stereotype, you think, or? Well, no, what's straight man? He's gonna be the straight man.

Yeah, I think we're using straight man in a different context. One of us is using it right then. No, the straight man is just like a normal person. So you think Adam Carolla's gonna play an insane, embarrassing exaggeration of- No, but he's an exaggeration of a like, you know, extreme conservative woodshop teacher. That's not a straight man. Is that an exaggeration?

The guy saying I was going to say you're too fat? You can't say triggered unless you've used a gun? I'm saying the straight man for that whatever guy would just go and we're having you know a drag what do you call we're having a drag story time hour you know and that's all he has to say and that's the joke. But he doesn't have to come in it's not the joke the joke would be Mr. Burcham's reaction for it he doesn't have to come in and go well these proud drag queens are gonna come in and show the kids how to play you don't have to do that just to set it up all he has to do is be set up for Mr. Burcham to react in a loud bombastic conservative manner

This is what you guys do. This is why you got to get liberals out of all everything. Look, do you want to- You weasel your way in? Okay, you want to put bets on Mr. Burcham? You need to say this is good. This is definitely gonna be good. Uhhhh... Yeah, I think it'll be good. Adam Carolla is good. Rotten Tomatoes score I'm gonna bet. No and Rotten Tomatoes score will be in the tank. Because it'll make conservatives look good. Below a 70. Yeah definitely. Okay. Probably below a 20. Look I want you guys

to prove me wrong but this is like a bunch of, again it feels out of touch with what is actually going on. It feels like a lot of low hanging fruit it feels out of touch with what is actually going on. It feels like a lot of low hanging fruit. Hey, what if on the back of a scooter there was like a really long LGBT acronym? Yeah, I don't know, man. It's just already funny if it's just the regular acronym, honestly. You should have a trans kid and then the dad should be like a conservative that just blows his stack and acts like a jackass all the time.

I think you can find a little guys like. I think you can find a healthy mix. I was bringing up Beavis and Butthead. Remember Beavis and Butthead had the hippie teacher or whatever? And he's still off-putting and over the... I don't know how you put it. Annoying. Okay? Annoying, yeah.

Yeah, what was his name? I forget his name. Driesen. Mr. Van Driesen. Mr. Van... Yeah, exactly. And you go, oh man, that's... But he didn't have to oversell it, it was just like,

yeah that's what liberals are like when there's those kind of guys. That was pretty extreme back in the 90s. It was like played a little bit for laughs, where he's like, oh you know we're gonna sing Lesbian Seagull or whatever else, you know? Okay, but it still wasn't like... He didn't come in and go, well boys, today we're having gay pride week, yeah! You don't have to do that. Well because Beavis was talking about he's the great corn holier.

So that would have been two really wild characters. Well I'm saying this is two really wild characters. Mr. Burch was a wild character, then this antagonist liberal character seems also over the top. They're both over the top. Well I guess we'll see. It's a pretty good ad for the Daily Wires cartoon. You think? I can't tell if you're gaslighting me.

This conversation is a pretty good ad. This is a good ad. Because your criticisms are just like, if I would have done it, I would have written a better show. I'm saying that the pitfalls of conservative comedy seem to be that they will latch on to one joke. It's that thing they always say. Where they go, well you guys only have like a couple jokes like, like oh man we really want to tell it like it is about trans people. Well what do you want to say about them specifically? That

acronym has too many letters in it. Yeah I know I've heard that one. Okay like there's more there. Okay. What would you say? Again the whole thing of like they're on the internet on discord and they're putting on cam shows for each other and they're dressing Up like catgirls is kind of funny. That's not a joke. That's a joke. That's a setup That's like a whole thing. You can get a lot of comedy. The joke is again that you would have this like Mask, you know, he's like the ultimate man. He thinks he's raising the jokes on him. That's not a joke on trans people That's a joke on the guy Well, it doesn't have to be a joke on such a bad dad. Yeah, well the joke often I would think the joke should be on mr. Burcham

Okay, if he's the central figure. This is why you gotta get liberals out of fucking comedy cuz you guys just want to joke on All you want to do is joke on conservatives. When you watch Family Guy, are the jokes ever at the expense of Peter Griffin? Sometimes Yeah, pretty much all the time. No a lot of the times No, no, no, that's an nihilistic show. He's not even time! No. A lot of the times. No, no, no. That's an anihilistic show. He's not even a conservative dad. They're at the expense of Meg, okay?

Homer is the father, but he's, you know, constantly experiences Brad Falls and Miss... What are you talking about with... You think Mr. Burcham is supposed to be held up as like, is the this is the ideal to aspire towards that's the comedy Yeah, better than the world around him. Yeah, that's the point. I don't hill Or he's like an Archie bunker, right? He's a guy out of my can't kill more like Hank No, cuz Hank Hill was Hank Hill's got a guy at a time, but he knew what he was doing. He was always right Yeah, but he always a lot of times he ended up making peace with the liberal perspective on things, you know

Yeah, unless he really and he would call out both sides of it. I think that Tolerated them. Well, I'm gonna say if you want the ultimate conservative comedy probably is King of the Hill. King of the Hill is great Yeah. Yeah, this is not this is not King of the Hill. This is Family Guy, but Not nearly as edgy while claiming it is the most, it's too edgy. I wasn't in the room. It was too edgy to get on TV. I wasn't in the making of it, I don't know.

You know, I'm not familiar with everything that went into it. Okay, but do you really think this show got denied being on TV because it was too much for network? Or do you think they just said, Maybe, I don't know. Or do you think they just said, this is kind of like a shitty Family Guy ripoff and we're not really getting anything out of it.

Same thing, yeah, sure. This is not, there's no edge on this at all. I didn't see any edge. This is your chance to convince me. This is what the liberals won't let you say. Look out Mr. Butchum. Oh my god. The Libs would never let you make that joke. And I gotta make a trailer though, you know. But the trailer, you gotta have at least one joke where I go, oh shit, I can't believe they're getting away with that. There's nothing like that. The fat guy, and then he fell over after drinking all those beers. That was pretty funny. That was... alright. You know how you are gaslighting me. Now you are gaslighting me.

Alright, I'm just gonna say... I just wanna see your script. That's so much better than this. I was disappointed. I was disappointed. And it's like 90 pages of, oh you're gonna get so many girls. Oh, you're such a man. Oh, I can't wait till you get married. I didn't come in with an entire alternate Mr. Bertram pitch.

I'm just watching this now and I'm thinking about how you could improve upon it, okay? Yeah. All right? None of the characters stand out. It's like a right, like, okay, you look at, you look at a- What about the black guy? You look at American dad and you at least go like, okay.

The alien. Well, there's an alien, there's a goldfish. That Spanish teacher had huge tits. Come on, that's gotta something's gotta be going on there. You're right. You know what? There could be kind of a character there. All right, Cleveland, I don't know. Look, you had a cop in a wheelchair on Family Guy.

That's interesting. Joe sucked. Joe's great. What are you talking about? Joe makes for great comedy. He was great when he was better than everybody, but then they made him pathetic. And it's like, aw, well, it's not funny when he's pathetic. Sometimes it is.

Yeah, you would think so. I've seen some good Joe jokes over the years. Change my colostomy bag. Like, come on, man, that's not funny. There's one where they're driving around talking about, like, what they would do if they were Hitler. And Joe's like, in this situation, am I still crippled? And he's like, yes. He's like, well situation am I still crippled and he's like yes That was pretty good all right look conservative comedy. I'm rooting for him. No you're not

We saw Lady Ballers, and I was honestly hoping I'm like clearly these guys Are gonna understand like the basic tenets of a sports comedy and like a through line and putting it online that movie made no fucking sense and And you got to channel all this like I know better into something I Believe I am doing that with you gotta do it faster look maybe super killer will suck who cares nothing I do matters anymore I've made a lot of videos that have gotten a lot of views and they've made a lot of people laugh. I want to say I'm not like a complete fucking failure at comedy.

Oh, what about Adam Corolla? He's done more than you! Yeah, I know! But he's never had like a scripted show. Except the Hebrew hammer was fucking hilarious. Or the hammer. Did he make that? The hammer.

Just the boxing movie, the hammer. That was a great movie. Okay, I didn't see that one. Shocking, surprisingly good. He was on Drawn Together, but I didn't see that one. Shocking, surprisingly good. He was on Drawn Together, but I don't know if he actually wrote anything for that. No, he just voiced it. I didn't love that show.

Well, we'll see. I mean, I want him, and he's got Roseanne there with him, and everybody loves her, and Megyn Kelly, of course, one of the greatest comedic talents of our time will be on this show. You gotta get him in the door, you know, come on. Come listen to this dumb bitch. You jack off, you pretend you're fucking her

when you fuck your wife. And no Candace Owens because she does not like Israel. She's not allowed to be on the show anymore. Okay, my last problem is the sun exploding. Yeah. Oof. Solar flares are happening. Not good.

Right now, knocking out everyone's phones or whatever. Gotta knock out the grid. The grid's going down big time. And at any moment, the sun could explode, is what I think. Being told by people. Yeah, was what I'm pretty sure of me. Well, this whole house is a Faraday cage, right?

I don't know if those work, and I should. They work, I'm pretty sure. I think they do, but every time I see it, I don't believe it. I've always wanted to be like, should I lock this up in a Faraday cage? Don't they make them for PCs and get a cage to go around it? But then when I see one, it's just like a chicken wire tube. And I think, I don't think that's doing anything, what

you think it is. It's unexploded. Pretty sure that that's not. You don't think my tube of chicken wires can protect my hard drive? Heard it explained to me a million times. I've read it, and I still say, I don't think my tube of chicken wires can protect my hard drive? Heard it explained to me a million times, I've read it and I still say I don't think this is doing anything. It's gonna dissipate all the electromagnetic energy.

Yeah. Mr. Faraday knew what he was talking about, Dick. Well he did, yeah I know, if he told me about it, yeah. You'd believe it. I believe it. And those doomsday preppers, they know a lot. But they never mention it, you notice? Do they not? They never talk about their day

I thought they never talked about a Faraday cage, and I don't know why I need one Because you got a bunch of computers and stuff you know what they're gonna lock up all your the electromagnetic fields are gonna warp all The drives or something doesn't happen all the time I? Don't know sir. I don't know. I don't think anybody knows. Why don't you build a fucking uh... Sun's gonna explode though. Invincible... what are your shoes? Infinity shoes. Infinity cage around your fucking body. Infinity shoes. Those protect your feet from the electromagnetic rays? Well that's the best part about infinity shoes you can just make more.

You don't have to worry about your shoes. You're always like you go out you're worried about your shoes getting messed up, or you're worried about losing your shoes. But then Infinity shoes, you just, I'll make more. No big deal. I might have an extra one lying around. I'm gonna get this patent. I want this. I want the...

Patent pending. He's already patent pending. Oh, is he patent pending? Yeah, Mike Infinity has already patent pending it. Well, maybe... So what do we do about the sun? I don't know. All right, well, that's the show.

But... Hit the button button we didn't do the changeover either now it's officially a new problem there we go with the Sun exploding it's like it puts this like capper on time right that's kind of annoying it's put this capper on time like what like the idea that everybody's like well you know the Sun's gonna explode anyway, you know You know what? Well, I've asked people this question If you knew that the entire world was gonna end a hundred years after you died, right?

Like let's say we knew the Sun's gonna explode in a hundred hundred years. Yeah, would you live your life any differently? Yeah. Yeah Why? Hmm it's good question. It is a good question. What does it matter knowing that life will go on after you're dead? I don't know, it just does. You want to leave something behind? Like, oh, maybe somebody will go watch my old YouTube videos? Yeah, like I'll bury stuff in the yard. Yeah. Like drugs, and we're like you're really gonna fuck some

Day yes, we all your pranks won't pay off is like yeah, basically like Like I'll think like oh this this is gonna really mess someone up This is gonna really mess up someone in like the year 3000 aliens come They're gonna. It was really a bummer I've established are just gonna go to waste. And what's the point of that? Well, if the sun's gonna explode, then who cares? I mean, I would also go like, you know, I guess it's like, you know, like,

I guess you kinda worry about what are people gonna say. It's depressing. I know it's depressing. And then the sun's doing flares, and everyone's talking about it, and I'm like, man, I don't give a shit about these, who cares, just blow up. Well, I'm not give a shit about these. Who cares, just blow up. Well, I'm not putting my devices

in some kind of weird, gay aluminum box. Are people doing that? Are they selling those? Maybe I'll get one. They got them on eBay. Yeah, they have some daily wire. Can I just get like some sort of pouch, like the tin foil pouch,

the one that people used to steal from stores? Oh yeah, does that work? Yeah. What does it do? Your phone doesn't work inside of it? Yeah. It like blocks out all rays. They can use it to... All rays? I don't know man. I think like whenever they catch one of those organized theft rings, they'll be like, oh yeah, they have jackets. Oh yeah, they always have those jackets with aluminum in them. With aluminum sewn into them. So it does work. Yeah. Criminals really, they just believe it. Criminals are nailing it, man.

It's crazy. They just go with the plan and. I mean, the shoplifting thing, it's a I think we just realized that at one point there was like a social contract. Like, well, you can't just steal. And now we've got to the point where it's like, well, the sun's going to explode. Do whatever the fuck you want. Do whatever you want. Man, yeah, who cares? Yeah. I guess that's the problem with the sun exploding is that it's like,

well, do cares? Yeah. I guess that's the problem with the sun exploding, is that it's like, whatever you want. Yeah, and then people are always talking about jumping around planets because the sun, well, we got to get off of this. We got to get off of it. We got to get off of the Earth. The sun's going to explode. Man, why are you planning for this? Well.

But at the same time, you're right. I agree. Well, not really. I mean, you just have to remember that all of this is a simulation. When the simulation comes to an end, the great programmer will reroute us through the system. I think I already did that probably. I know you did.

But... It gives you hope. Well, I don't know what to do about the sun. Look, it's worse than all this other stuff. Okay? Yeah. Could we maybe illuminate the moon instead? Of the sun?

Yeah, well, if the sun goes away... It'll be pretty illuminated could use the we could just put a bunch of shit on the moon anti woke marketing all this conservatives are gonna all die now and liberals are gonna all die and the trans people are gonna be replaced by it's gonna be all Muslim society then we'll start over mmm so all there's none of the shit man doing Adam Kroll it would have written mr. Burcham differently if you knew the Sun was gonna explode what do you maybe like probably been a little bit better than like I've probably done all the stuff you

Said he should know for that trans kid in there And talk about what a man he is. How you gonna have a modern game? Have you met the gamers? They're all weirdos online Christian guys a couple normal ones Gamers are normal. No, no all their brains have been warped by all this shit That's what they're talking to that's all this stuff with that stellar blade game Is they're all like trying to gaslight each other and being like I wish the girl looked sexier And what they're really thinking is I wish I was that sex is a Chinese girl getting Pounded on all sides sound You sound like Null.

You sound exactly like Null. Yeah, he was arguing some shit. And I said, well, what about guys who watch lesbian porn? Is that because they want to be a woman? He goes, yeah, a lot of guys who watch lesbian porn want to be trans. OK, that's the end of the argument. You're and want to be trans. Is that okay? That's uh... There might be something there, I don't know. End of the argument.

I don't know. You're never allowed to have an argument again. I was gonna get retarded. But they're saying like the current generation I think is more... Much of cavemen watching women make out. Yeah, I wish I was trans. I'm gonna go to the doctor. More and more kids are identified or whatever.

The younger generation is like more bisexual than before. No, they're not. Just the women. No. The men, the little boys, teenage boys, are exactly the same amount of gay and bi as ever, but women, girls, are learning that they have to act like whores and be cockteases at a younger age because of the internet.

So they're all, I don't wanna say pretending because they're all, women are all bisexual 100%, but more are using it to cock tease. To get free shit than ever. That's just happening. People aren't going gay. Guys aren't all of a sudden wanting a bunch of cocks in their mouth. That's not happening. That would be a good character for Mr. Birdshim.

A high school girl who is now being forced to pretend to be bisexual in order to participate in the gay economy of attention See that's far more on the ground than what Adam Caroll is Liberals in Hollywood wanting to put bisexual underage girls to make fun of it because it's funny. It's interesting. All right That's my problem. Yeah, that's it guys. Don't forget to vote on all the problems at BiggestProblem.Show. New bonus episode, Biggest Problem in Moms, now at patreon.com slash biggest problem. If you're in the Las Vegas area or want to come on in to enjoy a great live show, we will be at Hackamania Friday, May 31st, live show at 6.30 p.m.

Use promo code BIGGEST at hackamania.com to get 20% off tickets Please don't forget to use a promo code. Why spend more when you can spend less hackamania.com And bring your infinity shoes if you have them if you don't have them bring your make some I think I'm gonna Have a real fun time in Vegas Do you yeah, what's your goal? Do you have a goal? time in Vegas. Do you? Yeah. What's your goal? Do you have a goal?

My goal is to hit up that buffet on Thursday. Oh yeah, okay. Golden steer on Friday maybe. Or Saturday. You wanna go to the Golden Steer? You're thinking about it. Friday night. I don't know if after the live show would be good, but maybe Saturday?

I gotta not do Coke all day then. You can do Coke and then eat a steak? I don't know how that works. You should. Maybe you have John Bonham's thing. You could do an infinity of cocaine and then eat everything. We should think about going to the Golden Steer. Also, do you know they opened a Peter Luger in Vegas now? So I'm torn between two steak houses.

Eh. Golden Steer is the classic. I don't like supporting franchise steakhouse over an original. Not really a franchise. It's a second location. That's even worse. OK.

Like the Louvre, too, in Dubai. I've heard it's good. I've heard it's good, the Peter Luger in Vegas. But I would prefer to go to the Golden Steer. Yeah, OK. And if any fan wants to take me out for a steak dinner and pay for it, you can get an exciting fan meetup to your. Ha ha ha your. What?

That shit is expensive. I love getting a free meal. So. So bad. That's a good deal. You know, a lot of these like. For whom? Like a lot of these, I don't know, for them.

They get to spend a whole night with Vito just by buying him a steak. What a, they get to enjoy my famous company. See, you're saying that, but a lot of guys charge like $150 for a cameo. That's like a 30 second video of a guy. Me, you get a steak dinner. And you know, like, tell them about all your projects

and stuff. People love hearing about my projects. People love it. If anything, I'm underselling it. Oh my God, you are the new Stan Lee. You are the black Stan Lee, actually. The mooching is off the charts. And the ideas are...

Well, I'm getting a free... I'm staying in a guy's house. Okay, now that you're paying for dinner, let me tell you about Super Killer 10. What is this? I'm not getting a hotel room. A fan reached out and said I can crash in his guest room. Ohhhhh. What do you mean? I don't... That's who you asked me to stay with? A fan reached out and said I can crash in his guest room, so... Ohhhhhhh! What do you mean? I don't- I don't- look! That's who you asked me to stay with? A fan?

It's a fan of the show! I didn't say- I didn't say necessarily that you- I knew you wouldn't want to do it. Yeah, you came in here saying, do you want to stay in a- I brought up as a joke, I'm staying at his- in his guest house. Ohhhhhhh... He's a nice- he's a guy- he's like a friend, we talk on Twitter all the time, so he's gonna understand- You should record everything you're doing in there. In his guest house? In his guest room?

Yeah, put up cameras. Blanket that guest house with cameras. I think we're gonna have a fun time. Spy cameras. We're gonna hang out. Camera in the TV, camera in the toilet, stick it straight up. If anybody wants to go on a food adventure,

maybe Thursday, a couple of us. If I get there on Thursday, I'm going to that buffet. I gotta get a reservation the week of. Yeah, okay. We're gonna have fun. I have a list. Get that rid of that mouse. I have a I have an entire document because I go on TikTok and I get all these recommended videos of like great restaurants in Las Vegas because there's a lot of great restaurants out there. Okay. So if I see one that looks good I I put it on my little Vegas list of great restaurants. So I'm gonna hit a couple.

I'm gonna hit a couple of them. You gonna do any comedy while you're there? Mostly food. Mostly food. Mostly food stuff. Maybe I'll do standup. I should do standup. Are you gonna do the standup contest? Well, I can't do the standup contest.

It doesn't make fucking sense. Because I'm part of the show. I could do stand-up but not compete for the prize money or whatever. There's prize money. Oh, because you're too good. No, I wouldn't win, but I'm still not going to compete against people who aren't on the bill. Why not? Because that's not how it works, it's a competition. You can't compete in your own competition. This should be your stand-up. You can't compete in your own competition. This this should be your stand-up Hey, I can't compete in the competition. I shouldn't even be here Cuz I'm on the bill. I'm on the bill. I'm like already a better comedian than most of you guys

Can you believe it? Hey Dick, hey Vito. I was just checking out Vito on the low Cal podcast because I hate myself mmm, oh and I'm a low-cal podcast because I hate myself. There you go. Oh. And I know the word misogyny gets thrown around a lot these days, but my God, just at the very start when Vito's trying to explain the whole Dick Maddox 80s girl thing, Boogie hops in with this like, you know know you got your two bro and they're already talking about the bro code for five minutes yes supremely really they're trying to say you broke the bro code yeah I don't believe in the bro and they're like together and then you know some girl gets passed around

you know between the two of them you know like I blame the woman for you know oh taking the right cock or something and oh yeah the entire conversation was You know really misogynistic and yeah fucking stick in the head The wings and boogie we're talking about the well, I don't know Yeah, I don't know why those two guys were like sold on the bro code I'm like how many girlfriends you steal because they're misogynists How long it Maddox been broken up before you and the wedding or whatever? two years Or three years. The bro code is not a two three years. Even if you believe in it. It doesn't have a

It was a it was a severe violation. Yeah of the bro code I think that people who believe in the bro code should be hurt and harmed emotionally because it's it hurts hard Oh the way it was explained to me was that it's a one year grace period and I said I don't know but I'm pretty sure it was longer than a year and Yeah, that is had a girlfriend at the wedding. He was with so at that point. There's no bro code What are you fucking talking about? He's with a girl already. You should be happy. I think he's not happy, he's fucked up his own life and it has nothing to do with dick! Yeah. There's no... I'm sad they botched editing that episode, because we had a lot of good conversation.

Did you record it? I have my side. I don't have... I have the whole thing of mine. I know you do. When they get done editing it, I'm gonna release my whole thing. You know, as all sides is a Zack from PKA Maybe go hey Zack just give it to me. I want to edit together and just the audios and people hear the episode Unadulterated by these two chucklefucks. Yeah, I want to get I want to see what they what they cut out

I want to compare the waveforms of mine don't know what they Well, they have no they're gonna do it anyway. Yeah We're gonna see don't cut out. don't edit it out. I don't care well The reason they say they edited is cuz like unlike this show where we don't try to put ads on it But then we get bullied into it because some fucking guy claims the show sorry We're trying to stop them from doing it. Mm-hmm Tim pool has still not released his claim on our video I think he's waiting for the 30 days to expire because he's an asshole What if he gets like a tumor in his skin tumor that's the result of like

impacted like sweat from wearing that beanie? I could see that happening and he would deserve that. Now that's comedy. Tim just get the hair transplant you have enough money you could get anything you get a fucking any you get a fucking ape and take its hair from it. I don't know, probably the most experimental shit making enough money. Anyway I don't know, probably the most experimental shit. Making enough money. Anyway, I don't even remember what we're talking about. The bro code. The bro code.

It's just like guys sitting around talking about how they would handle things differently. A woman that they had, the guy's talking about imaginary women. It's very weird. It's very strange. All right, Other shows. So, for once, I'm wondering why you're being so hard on the guy when it comes to him wanting to promote other people's shows,

which will give you guys the opportunity to promote your show. Like, you know, like Fortune 500 companies spent how much in marketing because that makes up a large amount of the exposure people get to their brand so they can fucking. That's what I'm doing. Like, thank you. You want to make money? I agree.

The impression I get from this, you also want to be heard. I forgot. But like, let them name cook. Let them fucking cook, bro. What am I stopping? I don't know. But I think he brings up a good point. Is that like a Fortune 500 company? Of course we must market the product, yes. Which is why we appear on shows like LOL Cow and WATP and Trashcast and another show where we may appear. Hackamania.

Not on Alex Dine's show. Not Alex Dine's show. Even though we knew him from way back. I know, I know he feels bad. Because he sees the fun we're having and he wants to be a part of it. And I- Gotta get that money though.

I brought up maybe Skank Fest, but you know what? We're not gonna force it. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. When you brought it up, I thought it was like next week. I'm like if it doesn't work out. I thought it was when you brought it up I thought it was like next week. I also thought it was sooner. So whatever guys, that's all October So we got plenty of time to figure it out. All right plenty of time, okay Hey video the biggest problem the universe is girls with similar names

I've been going up with the girl named Serena with an R, and super hot, super cool, whatever. Fucking bartender whore. Not a good way to talk about her. And I went to her bar with some buddies, gave them drinks, and she gives me free shit every time I go, which is great. Nice. Good relationship. Before they're drinking, whatever, she comes by the table,

I introduce her to my buddies, and I call her Selena with an L, because I had previously been going out with a girl named Selena. And I'm like, oh yeah, Selena, like Selena Kyle, whatever. And we're talking about it, whatever. The next day I wake up out of my fucking drunken stupor and thinking, why did I compare her to Selena like fucking fat woman and realized

I'd called her the wrong name. And I had addressed her as Selena I told my buddies her name is Selena and You might have a brain worm like I don't know if she like picked up on her or not and it's fucking stressing me out But it's a big it should stress you out and in their similar names. Why don't they have interesting names? Fuck them. I mean I was almost gonna give it to you, but then you said you're dating this girl Yeah, and I forgot her name. What the fuck is that?

That's like real bad. All right, you were really drunk. You're really drunk. You make it sound like you're slurring Tell her your part Japanese and sometimes you mix up your L's in your arms. Just forget it. This Aliyah Sometimes you mix up your L's in your arms. Forget it. This Aliyah. Aliyah is very cool. Women do stupid shit, 100 stupid things a day. They don't. She probably didn't.

She doesn't care. What is repo? Is that happening? I want to know. Hey, Jack. Hey, Vito. Hi. She's here.

So I was catching up with my buddy down in LA. He says he's been working at a renter center. And that Maddox was actually a client. He says he's been working at a rent-a-center and that Maddox is actually a client. Guy says he's missed so many payments that he actually had to repo his cock chair. Yeah, fuck you, Maddox. I don't know if that's true. Oh, there's a good little stinger there.

Well, I wanted it to be true, but he's like, repoed his cock chair. I don't know if that's, I think that's a joke, I think. I don't think you can get that on low. Dick is fat. All right. Hey Dick, hey Vito, it's me Don Mozzarella. I'm watching the last show here and the Vito's booty bit, which by the way was mid last week. Why is it that there is so much Vito fat oink oink comments

when there's less than a hundred pounds of difference between Vito and Dick? How is this even possible? Dick Masterson, you literally said that you would estimate your own weight at 215. Yeah. And Vito just weighed in at 290. That's only fucking, what, 75 pounds?

Oh yeah, that's pretty significant, I'm gonna say. That's not enough to judge we got a few more oink oink dick I don't know pig man was that the is that the force of that name is that I was gonna say was at the pitch hold on how was the how is vetoes booty mid-level all right I pulled a naked little anime doll out I took off my fucking shirt and I screamed to the cat Well, what do I gotta do? He's suckering you in man, he's trying to get you aggravated at him

Oh, if you know his booty was mid-lisely, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I pulled a little fucking anime doll out Lost five pounds too, that's great I lost five pounds, I screamed, Superkiller had 90,000 Oh man Can you believe it? I was really hoping you would not get over 100,000. I didn't think I was going to. I thought when we hit 93 on here, what do we hit, 93, I think?

Yeah. I went, wow, hey. You hit 93. That's pretty great. None of that helps me. Just you say we. I want people to know that none of that. We will win, Dick.

We will win. By the way, We Will Win t-shirts are now available from backwards, if you're a big none of that, we will win, Dick. We will win. By the way, We Will Win t-shirts are now available from backwards, if you're a big fan of that. Are they? Yeah, he made a new t-shirt to celebrate. Let me see. They said in the email, they said, there's also going to be a limited edition backwards We Will Win shirt,

now available. I think it's on the Ripaverse store. Discover the Ripaverse? Just go to the Ripaverse store and I think you should see it. Because of course, we are going to win. And who's going to win harder than backwards? Do his bandmates get any cut of that? Well, I mean, they'll work for the fucking thing.

So I mean, I guess he keeps paying their salaries. There we go. Look at that. That is just, can you imagine you wear that and out there and people go, oh, look at that. That is a t-shirt and a half. I tell you what. You need a helmet if you're wearing this around.

Well, thankfully we have a helmet. And this famous character enjoys wearing it. We will win, oh, they look, they titled it so you know what you're getting at the bottom. We will win backwards shirt. If you look real quick, you can see the word backwards Just in case you know, you wanted to make sure everybody knew it's your favorite band Their name is very timely aligned with the W for some fucking reason. Oh

and Ripper verse, okay You get both Cross merch isn't that fun when you get like a, isn't it cool when you get like a Superman, New York Yankees thing and you can show your support for both of the same, just pick one of the fucking things. Yeah, but that exists. I know that probably does exist. No, it 100% exists.

The Dodgers logo with like a Captain America shield on it. That's retarded. Except those are two giant properties. This is two non-existent properties. Okay, so a serious question. Do you think this makes any amount of sense for him to take his metal band and try to strongly associate it with his comic book company? Yeah.

Like they're the same entity? Yes. Okay. Yeah, because it's just his audience and like, he's in... It makes sense for him. Oops. It wouldn't make sense for any other like, actual comic book publisher. No, it's a preacher thing. Like any... Okay. It's like you gotta move from one project to the next and then just sell new shit. Well, no, because you're only selling the same thing.

You're under this weird delusion that you're supposed to make something good or make, like really try at something. It's always, it's a constant shell game. It's like a Baptist preacher. Hey, here's where saving, we're putting waters in it. We're putting water in Africa. Tomorrow we're working on your marriage. Come on, now we're having a buffet for dogs today.

Right, but I'm saying it seems like disjointed messaging is going on. It's supposed to. But like if you're like, oh, I'm a real big fan of the Ripperverse and the comic characters. No one is a fan of any of this shit. They're only a fan of pretending to have a black friend. Right. Eric Jilai. That's it.

And Yellow Flash is only a fan of that. What if you don't like the music? Wouldn't that discourage you from whatever? But it doesn't matter because you're just Eric July. Yeah. They don't listen to it. Even though they don't listen to it and they might not even like it, they will still support it and tell everyone else to like it because it's important. Yeah. Like if he does it now, he crowd, I'm sure he will. They won't tell other people. They'll just support it and pay for it. Here's my reckless prediction. I believe that Eric will at some point have a pre-order campaign for a new CD,

and he will run it the exact same as he's run all this stuff. And it's actually going to be curious to see how well that does. What if the numbers are the exact same? It's just like these guys will buy anything he puts in front of them. No, because the Friday Night Tights guys won't promote it. Like a big part of this is. Yeah, that's true. For some reason comics is like,

just is a type of good that people know to buy at this figure. I don't think that would work. Music's also a harder sell, because everybody just listens to everything digitally. What is going on with this? I was joking in the chat, I said. You can't joke about that stuff, man.

I don't know, I said. You can't joke about that stuff, man. I don't know, I don't know anything. I don't know. All right, let's do super chats. Well, here's the membership page. It shows who gave us new members. You love memberships. I do love them. Vito loves memberships.

Loves them. Oh, they're pretty, they're kinda neat. I just think they're neat. All right, read super chats. It doesn't show, loves them. Oh, they're pretty, they're kinda neat. I just think they're neat. All right, read super chats. It doesn't show who gifted them. I'm trying to thank anyone who gifted memberships, thank you, and if I figure out how to find out

who gifted them, I will be a happy boy. I don't know why YouTube wouldn't put that. That would make sense to me. Cause nobody, cause they realize that people reading who joined was making them not want to join. So they're stopping you from doing this. Shut up. All right.

There you go. Is that enough? Yeah, that's enough. Oops, I went the wrong way. Wait, which way are you going? I'm not touching anything. Just make it big enough that I can fucking read it. All right, there.

Guys, get those super chats in. Once again, please vote on all the problems, the biggest problem of the show. Please, guys, great bonus episode Biggest Problem in Mothers at patreon.com slash biggest problem and I do have to mention again we will be at Hackamania in Las Vegas at the end of the month head to hackamania.com and use promo code BIGGEST and if you already purchased tickets get a refund and repurchase them with our promo code.

Well, just email them and say, put it on our promo code. Yeah, or say like, hey, by the way, I am going... We want to change my fucking... Say, hey, change my fucking promo code. I'm coming, I'm paying. Change my fucking promo code to the biggest problem. Make sure they... Don't make me answer an email or email you again, or I will fucking hammer you when I get to Vegas I would say there's gonna be big problem this is the best way to do it title subject big problems coming

your way buster I'd say a more positive way to handle this would maybe buckle up buttercup that's the subject of the email if you're on Twitter to Patrick Melton or Karl and you could say I'm just so glad I didn't say anybody's name say I'm so glad you added biggest problem to the lineup. I'm really looking forward to it. Hey fucko That's the subject. Don't say that cuz we're getting on at the last minute and we want to make sure we're pulling our weight Deez nuts. Yeah, we're pulling these nuts. Promo code Deez nuts. We gotta do a live show, huh? It doesn't have to be good. Yeah, that's true All right, and plus our audience will just yell the whole time and fuck it up anyway.

I think they tried to fuck up Judge Jenny's comedy special. Coofer, too. Thank you all for not killing yourselves. Disciple of Dagon for 10 Australian. Congrats on six digits, Vito. Well, I wasn't going to talk more about it, but if you're going to bring it up, it really is incredible. Thanks again, Dagon.

Looking forward to my C cover edition of Super Color. I also loved- Cunt's cover, that's what it stands for. Yeah, that's what it stands for. Because he's a cunt, disciple of Dagon. Okay, well I like a disciple of Dagon. He was the one who famously alerted me to a situation with the Vito's booty,

which is very good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I also loved the diss track, your flow was- He has some kind of trans dragon in his- Impeccable. Fantastic. Oh, wait a minute, what's that? Read the rest of it?

Oh, wait, wait, wait. He said, your flow is impeccable. You're doing OK, too, I guess, Dick. Coming down on you. He's gotten people's Superchats short. Well, I'm just so happy about his comment. You got to read them all. Hasman again for two, much dick could dick suck.

If dick could suck dick Has man says love the show love y'all and wish you the best. I don't trust you No, we do not care for over 20 Vito your Eric July diss track made my freaking day I did indeed record just just for fun. Let's listen to you want to play it. We don't have to play Everybody's talking about it, so... We might- OHHHHH! No! Spilling shit on your keyboard! Vote it up! Vote it up! Vote it up! Vote it up! Oh, he just spilled an entire beer over it! Oh, that's my problem too! I just got 20 fuckin' up votes from that one!

Oh man, if you guys are not voting that up right now... God damn it, I gotta use it before it goes- before it shorts out! Dude, you're fucked. We're fucked. Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, go! Go, go, go come on, go! No, no, no, it's starting to short out! You're not gonna have a keyboard record if you're gonna show! I can get to it just fine. I can get to it with the mouse. Okay, go to it with the mouse.

Oh no! Turn it off! Way to go, man. I'll get a towel. Alright, well I'm gonna put this up. Look, this was just a little fun thing I thought I would record. I saw that Eric Jalai had of course made a video about us and made a song about dick and criticism and whatever else. So look, I just threw this

together. Don't fucking disclaim your music! You pussy! You made it, you're making people listen to it! Do I click this one to bring it up? This is the greatest thing ever! This is the greatest fucking thing you're ever gonna hear! Don't disclaim that shit! I think it's fun! We had fun. Okay, here we go.

I hate- You hate. I hate when musicians do that. Hey everybody, just pay attention to this for five minutes. It's not even very good I'm not even the one that looks like it's not very good if you if you're disappointed. It's on you. It's a little it's fun It's fun. Oh hate it hate on it for the disclaimer Eric What are you doing? Damn it a good grip going there. What do you do with this? Why'd you do this?

You decided to fuck with the fat man. And this is what you get. Hey yo, it's me to the O, about to start the show. One fat Italian man in a microphone, standing all alone up on the stage. About to unleash this verbal rage on a man so dumb that he make me sick. Fake ass writer, pussy bitch, king of the grift. Tucking all that shit but he can't even write one good comic I sums of both fuck alpha core in the iris just some fucking whore did the piss drinking Satanist show you there

I am DB's gone. So obsessed with disrespect cried to big daddy Glenn Beck said please EBS if I debate him, I'll get rekt motherfucker I don't think that you realize who you're fucking with these games. You say you so will it wrapping? Yeah, yes that part sounded like a different guy Then like just then the whole thing is no wife my prize cuz you are fake Your wife yeah, I say a lot of things. Did you not watch this? No? It's just cuz you got a single mama Had your moment up inside the sun Now like Icarus your time is done

Love discipline cause you never got none Never had a father to call you son Never thought things were gonna end like this Now you're four books deep without a fucking hit Getting laughed at by all the critics And the fat man just hits six digits This hairy motherfucker says he got receipts Well they're probably for all the man cocky eats

Always acting like he from the Compton streets He a gay fuck dancing the faggot beats Jasmine why y'all your layouts so barren what's that dick cross he's wearing and why the fuck did you name the antagonist? Darren that gave me that's a blood. I can't handle this Lyrics and he don't fucking All right Learn now you're burned and you're feeling so sick couldn't handle criticism from a Mexican dick It's a fucking bad prick with an internet show through your whole credit way Could you just couldn't cope what a dope you're a joke everybody is laughing at your bus a campaign And you don't know what happened came for the king got cut on the crown of the internet knows you're a joke, everybody is laughing at your busting campaign and you don't know what happened Came for the king, got cut on the crown, on the end of the nose, you're an absolute clown

You wanted to sue, well we coming for you, on your gravestone put B-P-I-T-U Hahaha! Bitch, yeah! Yeah, that was good, that was fun I like the whore wife part Well, I did call her, I did say it Said some very unkind things. I really got going in the middle.

That's when it really picked up. It was one of these late night things where I just said, I thought I had to answer it so quickly because he had this new track dropping. Yeah. And I just wanted to get it out there into the ether and we had a lot of fun. I did a half hour comedy show with a guy where all we did, we were two musicians, and all we did was disclaim our song. We never played a song.

We just told everybody how, talked about the song. The idea behind the song. It's no big deal. It's not a big deal. Not a big deal, of course. And then we'd play like, we'd go like, da-da, da-da. You know, I mean, it was a really funny show. Look, I just, you know, I'm it was really funny show. Look I just you know

I'm not gonna say I'm the greatest rapper of all time But we have surprising we have fun Anyway guys, well, let's get some super chest and thank you everybody who's been supporting us and super killer summer is in effect Can you believe it? Alright, that was from Kara. Thank you Kara Jordan Lewis for five. Vito needs fitness challenges and or eating challenges. I would pay good money for this. I can't be the only one. 50 push-ups and 10 burgers in one hour. What is the theme of that? So I eat and then

I work out? Throw up, I guess. That doesn't make any fucking sense. FR8242 for a huge $50 on the board and I think that deserves a delightful sound effect of some sort. Uh... Pick one. No, not that one. I was gonna go for the alien. Whatever. Didn't we just have like a... we need like a celebration song, you know? Why? Cause it's $50... well cause he donated $50!

What is he like a child he needs like a blue oh yeah God forbid we embrace the modern skinner box that makes us hundreds of dollars every fucking show how do you want you think people are paying money so they're blue so their comment shows up in a stupid little sound effect you don't need a button to do it you make a sound effect, you don't need a button to do it, you make a sound effect with your mouth. Good work. Okay, there you go! Thank you for the $50, he says, please say, gotcha. Alright, he wants me to do one of my famous lines and for $50 I'll do it.

You'll do it ten times for $50. Well, if he buys me a steak dinner I'll do it all night for one lucky fan in Vegas. But I will, you do have to cover the appetizers and the drinks. Gotcha! No, he loves his laser sword! Everybody gets a laser sword. Classic line. FR82-42 for 200 American dollars, Dick. You guys, you gotta do four times now.. I gotta do I'm not doing that four times dick What happened that skinner box shit? You just said it's like we gotta do it. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha

Gotcha. Oh do the clapping. All right, dick. You have to find a way to make King cock 200 bucks to call me that fucking act like Jackasses when they get it what is with What is with PPP's tooth rot now? We have to talk about that. You have to find a way to make- Looks like Santa put a plug to, a plug to shard of coal in that boy. It's not good.

In that guy's fucking mouth. It's not good. Dude, you can die, PPP, you can die from that. You can genuinely die from an infected tooth in PPP. You gotta hop the border and then hop the border again to go to Mexico to get yourself some dental care, cause that is, you could genuinely die He's in even Canada. They have free health care. They should be able to get in the building though

Yeah, it's they don't then I've chairs big enough for PPP. He's got to lay on the ground They gotta get a he's not gonna go to Jiffy Lube. They crank him up on a thing and then a dentist comes in Internet broadcaster PPP is suffering some sort of Tooth to carry a backhoe, coming in there. This is a man who has a show commenting on how disgusting and fat everyone else is as his corpulent body rots away in Canada. Man, that tooth is dead. Yeah, he's a dead tooth. Literally, he needs to have it drilled out of his mouth because it's going to kill him. It's going gonna fall out

I can't imagine going I'm gonna keep at the very least I'd go get like a fucking Invisalign or something so that people can't tell that I have a missing tooth. It's got a stink man. Oh, yeah fucking tooth is rotten He's got a rotten tooth in his mouth. I do want to read this $200 super chat from fr8242 This $200 super chat from fr8242 Dick you have to find a way to make King kuk walk the plank in the next vetoes booty installment Oh, you're the internet's true pirate now brother true hats off for all you've been through Well, I'm more than you no you have not what are you talking about your life is like a palace of Grand is now whatever you all you do is every week you and Sean just like dick around for like two hours

And you bring a girl in to read the news. It's like all the hardest work of manage show business ladies gentlemen I didn't say I work hard. I know I know work smart well You've been through so much. That's why I threw so much. Yeah. Thanks that Maddox lawsuit really Really took you through the wringer. Well, thank you again fr You would have caved so fast you betrayed Riley over Twitter in like three tweets I did not betray Riley that is so stupid telling Mark Brooks that you're gonna give right you're kind of cock teasing him like you're gonna Give him Riley's last name. Oh, that wasn't funny It wasn't funny to have Mark Brooks can like ask for like go with incredibly more insane

ass. I think you might have made him think that you were gonna give him Riley's name. Anyone who thinks I can't believe the comments are like Vito I can't believe you would betray Riley like that I go I bring you people fucking gold I bring you endless tweets of a Marvel comic writer trying to get Riley in like a bizarre whatever the fuck thing. Yeah, you did the same thing to obtuse gnome and you're like I'm gonna help Eric in any way possible to bring this criminal to justice. I knew I didn't know who the fuck guy was. I was just lying at that point. But still, that's the point. Hey man, look sometimes you gotta play a little PR game, it's something I've learned. Your PR sucks though. My PR does suck.

Okay? I'm really bad at it. I think that's part of my charm, is like, wow, that fucking- That's not charming. That fat guy just sucks at this- Oh, Kiwi Farms hates me now because of your PR. Yeah, well, whatever, it's fun. Yeah, it's nice.

I think my appeal is like, people go, wow, this fat guy just cannot figure out being on the internet at all. He doesn't get it No, you want to be like famous you want to be like in the Marvel Comics group. No no no I don't want to write Marvel Comics. That's not what I said. I want to be in the Marvel Comics group What is that? I like friends with like like you want to be like contemporaries with those guys No, not really. I talk to them, I'm like, oh, these guys are kind of, I don't know, some of them. Some of them, look, I appreciate their skills. Some of them are talented, but nobody's left at Marvel anymore.

There's nobody there. I can't be friends with anybody. I know who I want to be friends with, and I'm already friends with them. I'm good friends with Tim Rogers. Mr. Girl. Tim Rogers and Mr. Girl, that's a good one. Tim Rogers. Yeah, okay. I like interesting guys, weird guys.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Mmm. I just think you were gonna, I think Riley better not tell you his name. Yeah, nobody should give me your real name. I don't know what to do with that information. Yeah.

Absolutely. I agree. Don't trust me with your real name. I don't know what to do with that information. Yeah. Absolutely. I agree. Don't trust me with your personal information. All right. Unless you're going to take me again to a Vegas steakhouse and pay for me, in which case I will be your best friend forever. Martin Preeto for two says, Pablo Escobar

could have stopped DEI. I agree. Brett Dinter for five, Canadian. I didn't know that I have to pay tax when I send super chats. I imagine you also have to pay tax in your end. Yeah, funny that. We don't have to pay tax. I don't think we pay tax.

Income tax? Yeah. We pay income tax, but I'm saying they don't. I mean, I do. I don't wanna. I'm saying they don't deduct it. Like YouTube's not deducting something. We have to pay it, yes. Ortson for five, USD.

Credit where credit is due, Vito. Ill-advised is a fucking banger. Eric Jalik can never respond to that. Thank you Well, you know, it's just a fun wouldn't you know, he was just write a video about a fat guy that Well, honestly, I want Eric July it would be better just make you clearly hate all of us But you like don't want to have fun and play around so you're gonna go well There's a certain cartoon rabbit that I just say I hate Dick Masterson that Mexican cocksucker And this would honestly be more fun for everybody yeah, but he's he's not having fun is the problem No, he's not having but he's not any good

That's well that's the other thing is that he would be having fun if he was actually making a good product But he's realized he's not yeah, so he has no leg to stand them Let's see here shit lips for ten how the fuck you follow up a $200 super chat? Well, I'm gonna tell you- Not with 10 bucks. Not with 10 bucks, shitlips, you fucked up. Cougarhughes4five, Vito, you're looking rather slim and trim tonight.

Well groomed also. That was for the other guy, not for that one. Fair enough. Shitlips4another10 says, Air July song was terrible, why is he so bad at art? Come on, you don't like a 360 degrees swinging around between a hydraulic press? I really want to see what comes out of that green screen, man.

The second I saw the green screen, I went, oh, no, no, no, no. Do trans people jacking off on him. Do the tub girl. Just put him on a porn set, just spinning around as a bunch of gay guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gay black guys. And do a filter so he's white

there's got to be like a bukkake film that would have just have him like perfectly centered in the frame where the Japanese girl would be and he's just fucking spinning and don't forget you can reverse the footage to get extra frames out of it so you could spin one way and then I'm spin back the other and yeah yeah all right has man again for two says $200 go motherfucking king damn well I you know what I love about the $200 super chat is the follow-up super chats commenting on how much the super chat was with more money never seen it before fire engine so please leave more super chats about the big old super chat thank you can top it

I mean that guy's got that he's got good taste though he's referencing my Star Wars videos shit lips for five Vito you sent black people back a hundred years with that diss track. Good job buddy. Oh yeah, yeah good. No, I'm bringing them into the future. Bust arrives for 20,000. Black people just run outside and start eating dirt

for no reason. Vito, shut up. Vito going. What? Who's eating dirt, the black people? You're talking about the cookies? I know what you're talking about. Do you?

Oh, the slavery. Yeah, there's a whole, you know what? What? I'm just making a nonsensical family guy joke. I don't want to talk about the dirty thing. It's all very complicated. It's not complicated. It is complicated.

I don't know which dirt eating you're talking about. You're talking about the slavery dirt eating. What's complicated? The dirt eating. The slavery dirt eating? What are you talking about that's complicated? Well, because there's- I'm talking about how much I hate Trump and how much he deserves to go to prison. I agree with that.

Let's talk about that. What are you talking about? No, I totally agree. Buster Rhymes says, Vito going full Baron Harkonnen mode was traumatic. A lot of people- Oh, you wish. A lot of people commented on my skinny arms compared to the size of my fat, fat body.

So I gotta start working on the arms. I gotta do the arms. Maybe if somebody has a good arm routine. Do I gotta get a bench? Do I gotta be benching? You gotta be walking. Walking's gonna help the arms? The bench is the cause of all your problems.

Oh no, no, I'm talking about, you need to be standing up. I need a good arm routine to get the arms bumped up. Do this. Do 90 degree swings. Like this. I mean, what if the arms stay skinny, but the rest of the body gets skinny?

Go like this. OK. And then sometimes you're going to get up, and your legs will start moving while you're swinging your arms. Let's run with your idea for five. It'll bring much more to the joes than just the fans' fat jokes. Thank you both for showing up every week.

You make my 14-hour workday manageable. You know what? 14-hour workday? Why don't you just stop fucking up so you can get out at eight hours like everybody else? Who's your retarded guy at the movie theater? I was going to say something earnest and say, you know what?

It's always so nice to know we're helping people get through their workday. I know how hard that can be. Dick, of course, is now yelling at you for 14. Well, 14 hours. Who's working a 14-hour workday? There's some people, you know, like truck drivers and stuff and I don't know. You should not. I definitely don't want truck drivers working 14 hours.

No, you can drive. I don't know what the rules are for the brakes for truck drivers. Not 14 hours. If you sleep 8 hours you can't just drive. Yeah, I guess that's true. Cool for two, RIP Crimsel, gone but not forgotten. Crunchy Spong is for 10, God bless. For Eric July, God bless. Ruts, run with your idea for two, also Vito's ill-advised rap was sick!

There you go. Look at me, I'm making all sorts of money for the show with my hot rhymes. And I may have a- You burned Isom to do it though. I may have a- well yeah, I can get another Isom. You burned it last night? It's a five dollar comic book. What the fuck am I alluding- oh my god, oh my copy of ice on it's so that's the worthless thing and all your stuff

Why is all my copy of ice on to now that's a collectible. I'm saying is it's possible There may be a yellow flash track At some point in the future. We will say I shouldn't bait the people though Michael Wayne promotes that I have a lolly. I mentioned rape comic. Yeah, there's some talk of that Michael winning for two RIP crim and Bati retarded, but not forgotten count for five jewels red bar is your biggest fan She was joking about your beard because she compliments you way too often in front of her husband. She's inconsolable Oh is that his wife on the show? I don't believe any of what these guys are saying.

Redbar, I did watch the clip, said he likes us and he wants to be our friends. Good, I am his friend. It sounded genuine. And then his whore wife made fun of my b- I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. Mike from Redbar, I don't like the way he talks to my wife either. He doesn't it connect? I don't like I don't fucking know man. My genetics are fucked as if like it's growing fat fat fat hair

It's like space-time is expanding I'm just kidding. I don't actually have any. You know what? In fact, I honestly... You joke around too much with people's wives. That's the problem. She joked around about me! I'm throwing it back. You know what? That's the thing is you can't throw it back at women. You just gotta let women insult you. No, you can't throw it back at someone's wife. So the wife can say whatever she wants. Yeah!

And I gotta go... Yes! She's a broadcaster! It's a little bit of tit for tat-tit look. What was I gonna say? I like red bar. It's a good show I've been listening to a lot of red bar clips Maybe I might join. What is it called the red bar club wherever the fuck it is. He does a good show Okay We need we need that crashing sound effect he uses

because it's stuck in my head all day long now. All day long. What, this one? He has like the shattered glass. Yeah, that one. It just works perfectly. Some people don't like it. I like it.

All right, let's see. Coo for five. Maybe people wouldn't call Vito a PDF file if he just said please and thank you on occasion. Yeah, probably. Thank you for not killing yourselves. Coov, I have your stickers on my TV Straturgery for 10 imagine emailing dick Demanding Riley's personal info and he replies with an attachment when you open it a bunch of dicks get chucked in your ass Nobody wants that Viet's and dicks. Nobody wants that

Nobody wants that. Somebody sent us a replacement Chuck Dixon picture. I don't know if you got them. Justin Rowland for Five Vito, tell 80s the cucumber, oh 80s girl, the cucumber drink is now a surprise favorite, you idiot. It's not the favorite, it's on the list. Hazmand for Five Vito, your sister, a champion of Everest. Well, you can't stop yourself from stuffing yourself with

wieners for breakfast, is a sad sight me lad. Can I make a joke about myself without you repeating the same joke? Stuffing yourself with wieners? Did you see that? That my sister's climbing Everest this week? Uh, well, base camp. I mean, good. I don't want her to go up that whole fucking mountain.

People just die up there for no reason. But what was the joke? She stole a joke from you? No, the joke I made is, wow, my sister is a very accomplished individual who would climb a mountain and I am a big fat guy Yeah, he said stuffing yourself with wieners for breakfast Oh, so you put that I'm a fat guy in a different more comical way gay though Because I'm gay because they're wieners Matt is they go in your ass you're stuffing them on your ass of their in their guys dick

You're assuming a lot from that superchip. That's the joke. OK. This is the kind of comedy I expect from a show like Mr. Bircham that pushes it to the edge. That'd be great. I can't believe you're saying these horrible things on our family program.

Matt R. Fertusas, this is the oldest Richard has ever looked. You did shave, it looks like. Oh, yeah. No. I don't think you look older necessarily. Oh no, I don't know. Friday night's usually the youngest night for me.

Youngest time. You look good. Tony for five. You know how many pages have you completed of Superkiller? I wanna say we're at like 50. I gotta check. 50 out of how many is gonna be? Out of 65.

So you only have 15 more pages left. Yeah, but that's not colored. So the colorist has just started and there are probably like 10 pages. It just started? The colorist moves fast. You can do a page a day as a colorist. Because you don't even need colors. What does that mean?

Yeah, you need colors. Nah, you don't need colors. This is a professional colorist and they can do a page a day, like knock it out. It's not like, drawing is way more intensive than coloring. Okay, so 15 Drawing pages left. I have given I have given the artist. I said this is the schedule. I want to hit and You hit an Arizona iced tea on like a gavel. Yeah Look, I think It's all gonna come down to he said it's gonna be close, but we're gonna go for it and we're gonna go for it

Would you tell him I can't tell you that why cuz I don't want to like I don't know cuz I want to see Make you get a hundred thousand dollars. You give nothing in return for it. You know what day did you tell him on it? That's not good enough though. I know it's not you don't care. I do care you already missed like three or four deadlines I know we suck. So what's the next deadline? I don't He's working. We're all working. No, you got 15 pages left. When is when you say we're trying it out before Wolverine Deadpool, that's the hard cut I hope If you get it out after that, it's game over man. No, no super killer to No, super killer verse. I have a plan for we're gonna rebel

Okay, that's fair Yeah, it's actually not fair, but it's fair. I would just say look I will say you know what I could start talking about this now is what is exciting about should I talk about super killer? No, you should never talk about it again. Okay. I will tell if you are a backer of the project You're gonna get an email. Let's get to tell you what we're again. Okay, I will tell if you are a backer of the project you're gonna get an email It's gonna tell you what we're doing. Okay, probably next week I'll just have to clear a couple things and find out who wants their names attached to this thing because some of you people are Psychopaths and start sending my artist weird messages and now I'm like, well, maybe I shouldn't announce who's working on what?

Because some of you people are weirdos. But that's fine. Hazman for five, we already did that. Matt for two, we did that, okay. Random guy for 10, big league Vito. Six figure Vito, not thinking 80s. Do you wanna read it? Diet Coke if you could please Vito. Green M&M's only Vito.

Green M&M's thing is good. You know why they did that, right? Everybody knows. Everyone knows. TBF for two, I met Vito at the Biggest Problem live show. He smelled so bad, terrible. Oh, come on! I don't think I smelled bad at the live show. I hope I didn't smell bad at the live show.

Nobody else said I smelled bad. I got sweaty up there as a sweaty stage. We're sweating under the fucking stage lights, man. What do you want? Yeah, yeah, no, no, no. JohnnyRogger5, BadRapVito, NoHobarsVito, always disappointing us. Johnny didn't like it.

Well, we were just having a little bit of fun. BlackCribsInFiveAustralian, thanks for the snacks. Thanks for not killing yourselves. The fans liked it, it was for the fans. Sarah Gardner for two, the more Vito speaks, the bigger the hole he digs in my stomach. Rekkon for 2, the more Vito speaks, the bigger the hole he digs. Uh, in my stomach. Reckon for 2500 clippers. Vito is getting too cocky.

During the super late closure stream, he was shitting on all of his comic creators for not being as successful as him. Hashtag me too. I do think he's getting too cocky. I agree with you, Reckon1911. How am I too cocky? What does that mean? You can just tell.

All of a sudden you think you're in deservement of all this money, and you haven't missed three deadlines, and you have. Look. He-note, Wreck-It-Nose, I can see it, Johnny Rockets can probably see it, Riley can probably see it. I know you can all see it. Okay? Whatever.

I've made this speech a million times. Yeah, whatever, whatever. I don't have to answer to you fucking peons. What do you want to speech? Do you want to speech that every day I'm working on this comic book and it's my number one priority and I've stopped making YouTube videos and I'm only focused on comics and that's it? Or do you want- I'll just make it! It's just coming out! What do you want? Prolast Media for five, I want this donation to go to Veto Only. I don't want to fund Nazi Gonzalez and his PDF stash. Thanks for keeping Superkiller open and for not killing yourself. Prolast Media was actually the guy who needed to sneak in at the end there. So I left it open for our good friend Prolast Media and I will be closing it now so it's over. Alex Reinhardt

for 50. I also can't close it from the back end. I have to email Indiegogo which is annoying but once they get my email it is closed. Alex Reinhardt for 50. Yar, if 50 dollars, wow, 50 American dollars from Alex, ain't the best way to get the booty, I suppose one more cent could be taken from the other substitutions. You're mistaken. Someone else has to give you another penny over the... How do you only have 50... 49.99? Cause if you're doing it on an iPhone they don't let you do a round whatever it is.

So then do 51.99 or 60.99 That's not fair, why does he have to pay an extra dollar more than anybody else? Why do I have to suffer? Why don't we assume people have overpaid for the booty in the past? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's why your comic's not done. Okay, cool for five, I can't believe Boogie's doing a reverse mortgage with Keemstar. You really can't believe that Boogie would be suckered out of his money by a more cunning

and intelligent individual. Ah, he's being science swungled by Keem. I can't believe it. The beard, I've dealt with some Muslim beardos in my time at the sea. Okay, ClipSama brings up a good point for five euros Your LOLCOW episode is unlistable to the average person You guys talk about Maddox for 25 minutes and no one in the audience knows who this is No one in the audience knows who this is

Okay, I'm gonna say this is uh Why don't you retards find someone else to talk about? Well, hold on, I didn't start the Maddox conversation Okay, Tommy C I I believe, started it. And the way he was talking about it, like he just jumped into it, I went, oh, they must talk about Maddox all the time because he's just jumping into a Maddox conversation

without any explanation of who Maddox is or why. And then I read the comments and everyone goes, I have no fucking idea who you're talking about. And I go, well, this is another one of those instances where I go, maybe you guys need to sit down and talk about what the podcast is. And if the podcast is revisiting old internet drama that you need to preface it with,

we should probably, if we're gonna talk about that, refresh people on who we're talking about. We don't need to have a meeting to talk about like Greek tragedy fucking storyline shit. One of you just needs to go, oh yeah that's a friend of mine. He fucked up a thing, yeah. He fucked a girl and the other guy was in love with the girl and he threw his whole life away. Well I'll say that, you know, that did make sense to people. And I don't thank her for that.

She brings me drinks and I don't thank her for that. And I don't thank her for that. That's the story. I mean she's not my girlfriend. You... Anyway, I don't know. Look, no one in the audience knows who that is. I agree. And you didn't record your side of the podcast. I recorded only my side. Oh, you only recorded... That was a mistake.

That's what they told me to do. Did you record yourself individually on a separate track? I recorded everything. I recorded myself. I recorded everything. But it's not mixed video. I have both. Of course. Every perm theirs. I have both.

Of course. Every permutation. I don't know how to do- I guess I could have just recorded the desktop audio to a second track. You gotta get better skills. No, I know how to do it in OBS. Oh, I did it and I know how to do it. Slightly different.

Once you put on that stupid pirate suit, it's like a whole different asshole shows up Well I know how to do it, and I did do it And do it I did And Keemstar, if Blackbeard, if Black Yeah Black Keem Black Keem The Blackest Beard

Keem the Vile, Keem the uh And the Bluest Everything Else The House Stealing Keemstar House Stealing Keem the uh... And the bluest everything else, the house-stealing Keemster. If he cuts all of my Keem house-star content out, I'll clip it out and I'll show everyone what a scallywag he is. Some people in the comments did agree with me that Keem is uh, should not be on the show as much as he is, it doesn't make sense to me. He should be on the show the entire time because he's the biggest little guy. Well if he's gonna be on the show as much as he is, it doesn't make sense to me. He should be on the show the entire time, because he's the biggest little guy. Well, if he's going to be on the show,

he needs to be treated like a log count. Euthanasia enthusiast for 7 Canadian, I've never seen Vito this happy. All it took was becoming rich, and he specified what race of rich I would be. Congratulations, big guy. It's M. That's not a word. He says bigger rich, because I'm so big. Talking about the Soviet ha! He says, bigger, Rich,

because I'm so big. Talking about the Soviet answer to the F-14, the MIG. Yes, the MIG. All those MIGs are making crowd, big money for the Russian government. The MIG-34, he's saying. We love the MIGs. Coo for two, will you guys stick around for two key?

T-W-O, whoa. Yeah, I mean- Is that the puppet guy? That's the puppet guy, yeah. I mean, I'm gonna, Saturday. Obviously I'll, wait, is that Sunday? No, Saturday is like when they're doing all the big stage show shit. Oh, I'll be around that whole night.

I'm going there for the show. If there's a puppet guy, I'll 100% be at that. Well, I don't know if he's actually a puppeteer. He has a puppet, we'll see. Same difference. And we'll see. What do you call it? No, Friday is our show.

I don't know if anything else is... Friday is our show and also the Open Mic Competition, which I think comes afterwards. You come heckle that. And karaoke, which I want to go to and Dick probably will not. Don't go to that. Don't go to the karaoke. I want to go to the karaoke. That's all on Friday.

Saturday is the big night of a million stars. Carl's a gala. You know, he'll be wearing his suit with all the sequins. The VIP experience. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You can go to the Nevada hospital. They are, yeah. Find someone who's just been discharged for schizophrenia and bring them. I was gonna say, I think the VIP tickets might already be sold out, so... Biggest problem fans, you might be missing out. Maybe they could fit someone else in for... Five hundred dollars.

Well, if you want a personal VIP experience, don't forget that the offer... You can sit in the men's room and talk to Carl and Vinnie as they come in! Can I get a picture with you? I mean, if you're going to buy a VIP, I tell you, why would you not simply opt for a steak night with Vito and whoever offers me the best meal package? Shameless. Just fucking shameless. Fucking shameless.

Some of these guys look, just got money to throw around. I ain't got no money. I'll take it and we'll go to a steak dinner. They like the show. They like the comedy. I like steak. That's it simple Alright cool for two. Well you guys yeah, we did that big boss for five veto when you swim to manatees Do they treat you like a lost member of the herd? Shut up fucking pirate chef Bing our chief Bing is for five. We're gonna hear you chewing during the buffet stream I would watch either way. Oh, all right Johnny Roger for five Says it's not too late to cancel your super killer. I'm so those super killer

Far too late. I come buckets or two for the new scale fund. I heard yours Screaming stone cold flee for two Maddox thought kfc was the UFC for chickens both flee for two Maddox thought KFC was the UFC for chickens. You did. Alright. Has man for five, Vito's warehouse, Vito wears his house, Vito's wearing his house, wore his house, alright. Maddie Muskets for five, I've been nice to Vito on Twitter all week in hopes that he fulfills his promise of putting in a good word with Luis J Gomez.

You did say you were going to put in a good word with Maddie Muskets. No I didn't, I said if I talked to Luis J Gomez and for some reason he says hey do you know any other like. Nah, he said you're going to Luis J Gomez and for some reason he says hey do you know any other like No, I said you're gonna put in a good word I don't even have I need someone to put in a good word for Luis J Gomez for me I don't know No one exists who wants to do that good Yeah, I know what you can put in a good word for money most I don't have a connection to lose you could send a message

What am I gonna say? Hey? I know this guy money muskets. He's very funny How often do you get you like when you get emails like that like hey? What am I gonna say? Hey, I know this guy, Money Muskets, he's very funny. How often do you get, do you like when you get emails like that? Like, hey, there's a guy who's good for a thing. I love it when I get emails from guys that are asking me for free tickets to the event. I'm saying- You're fine with that, right? So you can go hang out with all these fucking pimps and charlatans and pedophiles. But you don't want to stick your neck out. Do you know how to call scared-crest people pedophiles for the love of God?

There's one or two pedophiles there probably might be I don't know So is true or false? Chris Dilly is there yes, but I don't know. No that's he's an ebophile Big difference. You're right, that's very different But you won't send you will send a message to save forty dollars on skankfest tick-ots, but not for money Skankfest tickets are more than forty dollars, alright? More than forty-three dollars? How much are they? They're probably like two hundred bucks. Two hundred dollars?

Dude, it's like fifty comedians on the lineup! They gotta pay a lot of guys! Does Dave Smith read you a bedtime story about Adam Smith? What is Dave Smith's fucking obsession? That you hate Dave Smith for some fucking reason? I don't hate him, I just, I'm all clapped out! Me hands are sore from clapping at Dave Smith! Dave Smith's

Dave Smith's Political ideology that's never never heard him to one joke Dave Smith just talking about He's very being the Libertarian Party Yeah, I am better than Trump actually we should have a system where nothing exists and Trump? Actually, we should have a system where nothing exists. And the letter P is the letter Q. Am I getting a skankfest now? I'll tell you that. Why? I don't know, because I do a show with a pirate who shits on Dave Smith for a bit. I'm talking about another Dave Smith. Who did you think I was talking about? I'm talking about a Dave Smith who never is funny and doesn't tell any jokes. That's a different one. And just tells you books to

read about being a libertarian. Who did you think I was? That's a guy I knew from high school. Pirate high school. Who did you think I was talking about? You're talking about a fellow pirate. No, an enemy pirate who's just obsessed with looking smarter than everyone.

And that's why he's a libertarian. He has no fucking concept of it. He just is tall and good looking. Great. So he thinks he's smart. This is your pirate battle, I have no part in this. No battles, no beef from my end. I know, there's no problem.

I love reading. I love me reading books. I love talking about reading books. I'm not gonna get through this if you keep doing this. I love guys talking about reading books clap clap clap clap clap clap what's wrong with that? The guy I know called comic Dave Smith I can't. He's not a comic either. You're exhausting. You're such an asshole.

Alright man. I'm not the one telling people to read books. I've never told anyone to read a book. I don't even tell them to read books! I've never told anyone to read a book! I don't even tell them to read Superkiller! Now on sale! Alright. Well Manny, I'm gonna put in a good word to Lewis J. Gallagher. What the fuck is my fault? I don't know. None of this matters. Arr, you scallywags! You got to read these books on political philosophy! Well, maybe you do.

Or you're not gonna understand all my jokes that aren't funny. I, uh, well, that's some deep Dave Smith lore. Hazman4two asks, did you play Ken Doll's Veto song? Did Ken Doll send in a new song? Yes, he did, I didn't just play it. Okay, are you gonna play it now? Uh, yeah.

Okay. Well, I can't, because my keyboard's fucking got beer all over it. Well, I have a mouse. Is this thing open? No, because I put it in my email cuz it Alright well the keyboard's broken so we have to play it on the next one cuz Well Nate

What the fuck? What the fuck was that? I don't even want to touch it now. Yeah, hold on. That was horrifying Okay, we're still streaming right? Yes Yes, let me see it see what? Let me see the mouse! Uh oh. It's doing that thing where it adds extra stuff. Okay. Okay. Gmail. A new song. Candle. I hope it's a song about how successful my comic campaign is, what a great comedy legend I am, and I'll soon be friends with everyone at Skankfest and Hackamania.

Wait, I don't know if I have it. Vito Kendall... Vito. Uh, new song! Vito's Booty! Okay, from band camp. Here we go, ready for this? I'm a pirate. I don't understand about plastic toys and stuff. I don't know what's good and what's not.

If you want what's in this box, you gotta walk the plank. So there's definitely something in the box. So that's not a trick. Vito's booty, what's inside? Gonna find out on Friday night. What's the weight, is it up or down? Will it make his day, Will it make him frown? Vito's Booty, that's the name

Of the universe's best weight loss game What? A mother's milk? Eh, that's okay You'll get a nice toy on another day Vito's Booty, what's inside? Gonna find out on Friday night What's the weight? Is it up or down? Will it make his day? Will it make him frown? Vito's Booty, that's the bit

Will he weigh himself or smash that shit? Forgot your prize? Oh, that's okay You can open it again on another day Yo ho! What's in this box? Could be something great Could be something even better Maybe it'll be a gun so I can fucking kill myself

That would be really, really, really funny Vito's booty Vito's BUDDY! Lost one pound? I'm doing great! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HIT HIT HIT HIT HIT HIT HIT HIT HIT HIT HIT HIT HIT HIT HIT HIT HIT HIT HIT HIT HIT HIT HIT HIT HIT HIT HIT HIT HIT HIT HIT FIT! Fuckin' gay pirate shit. Vito's booty, what's inside? Gonna find out on Friday night. What's the weight? Is it up or down? Will it make his day? Will it make him frown? What? Vito's booty, that's the name of the universe's best weight loss game. A mother's milk? Eh, that's okay.

You'll get a nice toy on another day. Vito's booty, what's inside? What's inside? Just give me the thing! A thunko pop? Wouldn't that be nice? Ah! You're a butterfly! Now don't go home and stuff your face full Stuff your face full

Shut the fuck up! Someone sent that in Don't be ungrateful I have not gotten anything good! You have now! What did I get that was good? What's the wait? Is it up or down? Will it make you safe? Will it make him frown?

The owner hole is not a gag! That was a good gift. Yeah! A little anime thing to fuck. Yeah, if you wouldn't buy that yourself. That makes it a good gift. Yeah, it's better. I should probably keep the box. I can flip it. Yeah! Everyone wants a used owner hole!

I won't say it's used. Oh, they'll be able to tell. They might be able to tell the box is all messed up of this on a whole I can't show this box on what is this why is this fucking square all right Vito's booty well Kendall and hide Kendall and hide and we love those guys thank you on guy and hide he's a probably one of the greatest songwriters ever. It does good. That's one guy Yeah Can you believe that? It pumped it out. Incredible. Not like nothing. Not like nothing. And Eric Jalani need a whole fucking team of CG engineers No sort of compression cubes

Smashing them like a trash compactor. Do most musicians perform in cubes? Eric looking fatter than hell, trying to hug himself. Hell. He's very stressed out with the comic stuff. I understand he's put on a bit of weight. He's stress eating? Stress eating, yeah. Well, he looked like shit.

Diamond G for two, there's no deep end in Tim's pool, five foot one depth. Clever username for five Australian. In Rocky, Gonzo's driver tells Rocky to take Adrienne to the zoo because retards like the zoo. Then in Rocky too, he proposes to her at the zoo based. Chris Scofield for Five.

Biggest problem is bonus episodes being too short because Dick is gaining weight and needs another meal. You did run out on that bonus episode. Oh, because you gorged yourself on sandwiches before the bonus episode. So my food, I can hear- I offered you some sandwich. I can hear- I don't wanna eat sandwiches at four o'clock. I wanna eat it at dinnertime.

You said we were doing the episode at noon. Mm-hmm. Okay. Then it was two. Then it was three. Then it was four. I'm like, well, I kinda fuckin' wiped out my whole day here for you. Then you come over with a sandwich.

What do you mean you wiped out your whole day? I have to move shi- I can't do shit at noon, cause we're doing the bonus episode noon to two. Okay, now let's move it to two. What are you gonna do? Anything other real life things than record a bonus episode with you. Name one.

Work? So just work after I tell you I'm gonna be an hour late, you can't do an hour of work? Just reschedule everything for an amount of time between 12 and 2 and then and then it's one oh yeah let's make it 3 okay let's make it let's move it again wiped out the whole fucking day like like deforestation ah I'm sorry I ruined your day wasn't ruined with rescheduling the show and you punished everyone by cutting the show short so you could go eat Cause that's fair

Were you feeling guilty about making all that money so you wanted to extend the show by five minutes? No, just the bonus episode should be like an hour and a half I think that would be a fair length Nah, that's too long How long do you want a bonus episode to be? Till it's done A regular episode is like four hours Well it's not done yet

Well, a bonus episode should be like an hour and a half. If it takes that long. Yeah, but we do a couple of voicemails or whatever. Yeah. And you're like, alright, it's done. We got to like a minute 20. We could have gotten another 10 minutes of content out of that. Let's just filler then.

It's not filler. It stops when it's done. When it's not being funny anymore. I still think it was a great bonus episode. And maybe next time I'll just do 10 minutes by myself. You can go eat and I'll just do all. You can plug Superkiller for 10 minutes. Yeah, we'll talk about some Superkiller stuff.

That'd be cool. Diamond Joke 2. And how you'd write a better comedy than Adam Carolla. Well, I do think I could write a pretty good, even if I write any of my spec scripts. I'm gonna read my Bob Burgers, Bob's Burgers script. Post it. I could post it. I think I got to see if you? Yeah if I can find it. All of a sudden now you can't find it. I have a Bob's burger script, I have a community script, and I have a Rick and Morty

script. You really went for it with Rick and Morty. What do you mean you really went for it? I know what I'll write a Rick and Morty script. I wrote a great Rick and Morty episode. No one will be writing this one. So that nobody will, the point of a spectrum is not to write a show that nobody else is writing. It's to write something that you, that speaks to you, that you can use your voice through, right? Yeah. Yeah.

And it was Rick and Morty, which so happened to be the most popular with us. That's weird. Well, Rick and Morty resonates with me. What's the difference? What's the problem with writing a Rick and Morty script? What's the plot of your Rick and Morty script? It's like Logan's Run, set on a planet where it's people who process themselves into hamburger

and that's their primary export and Rick is like, well there you go. It's like the spaghetti episode. This was written literally like five years before the spaghetti episode, okay? So it's people who make themselves hamburgers. Yeah. And they're like McRicks, McMortys? Well, no, it's just that the idea they show up and it's like a perfect society

and Rick's really down on it. And he's like, there's gonna be something, like either all these fucking people are cyborgs. There's always like a twist. Yeah. And Morty's like, can you just accept that, you know, a society could arrive at like harmoniousness? And I was like, and it's time for Carousel.

And Morty goes, oh fuck. And then they go in and they find out you know it's like a Logan's run type situation yeah you kill people off what's the twist well the twist is that a Morty encounters a runner who is trying to escape from this planet to not be processed in a hamburger and it ends up being Morty trying to help this woman escape as Rick is helping the police of the planet chase Morty down because he knows Morty's. Just Logan's run, but they're not killing them, they're turning them into hamburgers. Yes.

Okay, that's not terrible. With a twist that you'll read when I find the copy of it somewhere. There's an- another twist. Well, maybe this female runner is not everything she claims to be. What is she? Is that double- she's a triple agent actually. Oh. She says that she's actually masquerading as a runner to get close to the resistance cell, but in reality it's a triple cross where she only wanted to get close to the resistance cell

so she will be promoted and can then deactivate the main computer and end carousel forever. Yeah, but it's still Logan's run, but it's McDonald's. What the fuck is Logan's Run? Because that's the joke. Yeah, Logan's Run but McDonald's. Yeah, that's pretty good. Alright, well at least you like that promise. Hollywood for five, thanks for the laugh boys. Diamond G, Vito was four hours late.

Rex Sexton for five, I had a room for Vito to hackamania, sitting in my MGM cart for months. Figured Carl would eventually take care of it. See you fuckets in Vegas. They don't have the money for that. I come buckets for two, I wish Eric did the gay cowboy dance for the video. There you go. Kevin Flesher for two says be fair man backwards isn't that bad.

Oh you said it! No I didn't. Yes you did! No I didn't. Yes you did! No I didn't. Yes you did! No I didn't! Yes you did! No I didn't! Yes you did!

What did I say? Kevin Flesher for two, be fair man. No, I said Kevin Flesher for two says be fair man. Ahhhh okay. Alright, alright. I danced around it expertly. Alright, alright. Disciple of Dagon for five.

Rotating Eric, green screen Eric, always sucking down white pills and hitting thug shakers Vito wear a Tifa episode outfit next episode buy me one I'm not gonna you get if send me one and giant send you one from send me a Tifa Moo-moo or whatever. I did finally get to the swimsuit portion of the game. So bad. It's alright swimsuit portion of the game. So bad. It's alright. They make you do a lot of mini games to unlock those swimsuits. Oh do they? Yeah you gotta play like Rocket League, you gotta collect scooters and return them to the scooter stall, you gotta play the piano a little bit. Yeah. Alright Chris Gofield for five I don't get paid till December but I want to buy Superkiller. Can you keep it open until then?

Oh yes, you're lucky. Lucky you are. One guy got in under the wire. Lucky you are. Kato the Swiss for five, thank you. Disciple of Dagon for two Australian. Fatboy goes to boba place, hates boba. That's a good question. It's a tea place. I want it milked with sugar in it. Whatever. Clipsama for five euros. Vito would go to Mar-a-Lago with a Gravitea and a Gravity Falls hat and

he'd caption the picture with the super killer website. Haz-man for 5 shut the fuck up. Vito don't talk about hating textures in your mouth you would have a man pretending to be a woman in there. There you go. Cole Markland for 5, Vito you recruited the PKA audience and wonder why we don't leave positive comments have you seen the PKA subreddit? Big ups to Lick It Richard.

It's interesting how many PKA guys have crossed over to Biggest Problem. Really? Yeah. It's funny, I had a, PKA is a great show. Clap, trap, to the strap, boss. What are you gonna say? It was the opposite of that, clearly.

I had a buddy listen to it. He's like, I don't get it. What is it? And I'm like, well, I think it's just that you've known. Why did you have a buddy listen to another show? I don't want to say who it was, but it's a guy who might be advertising on their show. And he said, well, it seems like they have a good audience,

but what's the show? Because I'm like, well, I think the idea is that they've been following these guys for so long that you know them Just talking about TV shows for four hours. Just kind of like hanging out with your buddies, you know Pka they have some good stuff when they start talking about war and shit It's when they start talking about TV. This is what they mean when they say that you've gotten a big head. This is what they mean Just like oh, yeah, you're openly insulting the people that helped you. I'm reading the comments on the pka Episodes that I'm on I'm reading the subreddit

They go that was a really great episode and then around this time stamp What he says something stupid about TV shows or whatever a lot of people disagree with Woody's opinions on TV shows They really disagreed with you saying Parasite was a bad movie by the way On a recent episode we had talked about parasite. Yeah, wanna best picture credit said something Well, yeah, they said dick doesn't know anything about movies and he's an idiot I'm just I'm just telling you what other people are saying if you were ever in Hollywood you have to only say compliments right you can't I like pKa I just think when you do like well you do that many episodes

It seems like you probably run out of topics like you've told all your stories eventually this show is gonna not have anything left to talk about I Mean what oh what are they what are they buried nuggets? You think that you're you think that you're digging your way out, but you're just making more insults. It's hard to keep a show going. I think when Supergiller comes out, it's going to be a hurricane of hurt. Nah, it's weird. It's gonna be good. It's going to be more criticism than you've ever seen.

It's possible Supergiller will come out and it'll be bad, and then I'll just, I don't know what I'm gonna do. The bad or goodness doesn't matter. It's going to be the reviews that come in. Yeah, I know. Like a wall. I know. I don't know. I'm not, I'm probably not gonna be able to handle it. You're a hundred percent not. So what should I do? Just not read them I guess and just go, well... Well thankfully the comic will never come out.

Honestly it would be better if it never came out because then I don't have to deal with disappointment It would be funnier. I like the comic. I don't know man. I don't like it Are you telling me? I don't know man. What do you know everybody's gonna be like second-guessing everything like maybe I'm not funny And maybe I don't know what I'm doing and maybe I'm an idiot. I don't fucking know it's only because it's taken so long No, but I'm saying just in life in general. I like to know what I'm doing, and maybe I'm an idiot. I don't fucking know. It's only because it's taken so long. No, but I'm saying just in life in general, I like to believe that I'm funny. I hope. If you build a fort that takes the afternoon,

people go like, how about that? A fort. But if you build a fort that takes 10 years, it's never going to live up to what? It's not just the comic. I'm saying in general, I really hope that I'm one of these guys who's like actually kind of funny in some way.

And I haven't just built up in my mind this idea that I'm funny So that doesn't work on me that compliment fishing stuff. I'm not doing that. I'm trying you You don't believe that I actually have these like the it's the imposter syndrome, right Yeah imposters feel Like they need to get compliments because they don't belong there. So they invented imposter syndrome. Okay. So that they can say that and other imposters can come make them feel better and they can

conspire to overthrow people who are worthwhile. Well, I spent a lot of time, you know, there was a period of time where I was like, I have a certain sense of humor and I think it's probably not in tune with what other people... Stuff I think is really funny, people will think is retarded, right? Like the trans son and... Yeah, like the trans son thing I think is really funny.? Yeah, I don't know like it's funny to me It's not a pun. There's no pun involved. It's just All right look anyway

What are you saying about pKa? I love them that I'm saying anything if we were them I'm saying an outsider Didn't understand the show and I said I think you explained it in of the show. In a way that was undercutting and demeaning. It's not, I think you have to know those guys. I think if you don't know those guys, it's a hard show to get into. How is that, would you really disagree with me? Would the audience even disagree with me?

I would assume everybody- I would never describe someone, like someone I know's content like that it's a hard show to get into well why do they but why would you care saying it's a hard show to get into it's a very successful show I think that's why you're cutting it down no but hold on there's like TV shows that it's like hey I don't understand why everybody's into this weird you know cerebral whatever the thing like what like like like Twin Peaks you know well it's a hard show to get into,

but once you dig into it, you know the in-jokes, and you know the hosts. It's not a thing where you can watch one episode and you get it. That makes sense. I don't know about that. There's some shows where it's like, oh, I just watched one episode and it wasn't for me.

And it's like, no, no, no, you really gotta dig into it. And again, you learn. Like girls gone wild. You learn the ho, not like girls gone wild. You learn the hosts and you learn the back jokes, okay? Again, you might watch it and again you learn. Like girls gone wild. You learn the ho- not like girls gone wild. You learn the hoes and you learn the back jokes okay again you might watch it and they're talking about a guy named Wings who fucked up the show or whatever and you go I don't know who this guy is. Pretty easy to understand that. The guy fucked it up.

He's fat, he hates being called a pedophile. Yeah I heard you guys argued about that on your episode I look forward to that. Yeah he like retardedly tried to force the conversation a couple times, like, oh yeah, so, and then when we were done recording, he's like, well, you know, I just wanna know, like, why'd you, and I'm like, cause you wig out, he's like, well, yeah, you know, it cost me a lot of money,

I'm like, yeah, that's why it's funny. No one cares about you, you fat retard. It's cause, yeah, you're like. And I was talking about his charity, I was talking about his charity, he's like, well, I do give backpacks to poor kids, books to poor kids, I'm like, cuz yeah, and I mean I was talking about his charity. I was talking about his his charity Well, I do give a backpack to poor kid books to poor kids I'm like, oh, yeah, I was making fun of it. He's like what kids like more than books, you know Maybe get him some books about toys

Right and Tommy sees laughing Church I'm like hey McFly Make fucking chicken fucking fish sandwich. Hello I do with church. I'm like hey McFly McFucking McFucking fish sandwich hello God, why do you still think you're commanding respect for anything? It's interesting and wings was taught wings basically described how he was a huge pain in the ass And he's like yeah, then they kicked me off the show and then then the next thing you know they're monetizing the show like oh

Yeah, I mean And then they brought a little shit from they're monetizing the show. Like, oh yeah, I mean... And then they brought Taylor in. Don't tell her shit from a popular thing before it starts making money. Taylor's like 10,000 times funnier than you, man. Well, yeah. Like you guys are just... Wings and Boogie are just obsessed with thinking because if people see them as good people, they'll give them free money. Boogie legit thinks that he has a disability that's keeping him from getting a job

that is different than just having a gigantic fucking ego I have four million subscribers, but I do have a disability in my back that prevents me from being a door-dash subscriber Like all these peons be watching me it's a It's really hard to figure out what wings and boogie are cuz you go on that show and you're like What wings and boogie are? Because you go on that show and you're like... Well, one of them's getting their house stolen by Keemstar.

That one's easy for you. Okay, so like on this show, like I'm a fat retard, right? That's... Generous. Sure, thanks. But like, I'm very self-aware of that on some level, okay? More than them. Where I go, look, I understand that there are parts of my life that if put under a microscope it would appear pathetic to

the average human being and I understand that and there are things that I need to change. Whereas those guys will just be like, no, everybody else has it wrong about me, right? Is that what the fundamental flaw of those guys is? Is that they're like completely not self-aware about what they are? No, they're lazy. The fundamental flaw is that they're fucking lazy. Yeah. Boogie could make videos and just do the work.

Well, he made some videos recently. All his videos are like, I want money. I deserve money from you. Hey, everybody. Hey, I'm Boogie. You guys remember that me? Give me money. I really love some money.

Here's some chick I picked up. Give me money. Give her money. I don't know. In some kind of way, you got to give me money. I really love some money. Here's some chick I picked up. Give me money. Give her money. I don't know. In some kind of way you gotta give me money. You gotta make funny content. Write jokes. Come up with formats. It does feel like there's an entitlement there to his audience. Like why aren't you guys giving me money? Like you should give it to me. That's what I told him when I was on the show. He's like, why do you bully me? And I said, because you're manipulative and entitled. You think you're better than everyone

that you want to support you, and you're not. You want the money without doing anything above and beyond to obtain it. Yeah, you don't even want to be famous. It's like the mere fact that you consider yourself to be a good person you think should be rewarded monetarily. It's like, well, I'm a good guy. Don't they know that?

So why would people not just give me money? Yeah. So you kind of got to like make something for them, like this shitty podcast that you wrote. You should make them feel good. Make them feel like they're the good guy, not you. See, I wasn't around for the Boogie is the Mr. Rogers of the internet period or whatever where everybody's like, oh Boogie's just like a really nice guy. I've only ever known Boogie as kind of a manipulative psychopath and I'm like how did you guys, he's like he just

wants to fuck whores. What do you mean? Mr. Rogers didn't talk about that all the time. He said he didn't want to fuck them he just wants to give them money and fuck with them. Yeah which is worse. I don't believe. See that's that's bullshit. He wants to fuck him. He's also I'm gonna say he's probably one of these guys. He's probably too fast to get hard. He goes, I'm such a nice guy I deserve to fuck. Didn't he say that in like the documentary or something? He's like, well, you know, I'm such a good person. I deserve to fuck the most beautiful women. Like I deserve that. Oh, did he? I think he said something along those lines. I don't remember where that was. Sounds right. But it's interesting.

He is entitled in that way. He said he was hoping that I would die in a drunk driving accident and that he couldn't wait till I killed myself. I couldn't believe he said that. He said that on the show? He said that right away. He's like, I'm really excited for your suicide, number one.

And I have suicidal ideation all the time. I've always struggled with it my whole life. Killing myself, I've always wanted to kill myself. I've always struggled with it my whole life. Killing myself, I've always wanted to kill myself. I've always struggled with it and Boogie was throwing it in my face. And he said he couldn't wait till I killed myself. And I always, it's a trigger for me. Okay. Wow.

And that he hoped I died in a drunk driving accident. He said that on the show. That's horrible. He said that to me at a dinner. He said that to you at a dinner on the show. Yeah. Wow, what a bad guy I know and I wasn't doing anything I'm very interested. I didn't say anything about his teeth the whole episode

I didn't say I can hear your teeth knocking on the microphone constantly. Did he try to make nice on the show? I didn't say it. Was he trying to be your buddy? Are you stuttering or did your lips get caught in your fake teeth? Yeah. No, he was being a jerk. He was being a jerk to you. Yeah. Wow. Well, I can't wait to watch this. If it ever comes out. We'll see. And when it does, I'm going to match it to what I have and see what they come out.

Sounds like these guys begrudgingly agree to have guys like you appear on. I think if they had the choice, they would not have let you on. So I want to see how they'll do. I don't know. Let's see. Clap, tap, the Destroyer for five. Vito, you have to slur everyone likes boba and pulp is good. Not everybody likes boba.

Tasso for five, orange pulp is full of essential nutrients. Leave it to Vito to avoid healthy foods in favor of no pulpy in my tum tum. Tamungo for five, Canadian big spro is my girlfriend taking all of the ice tray, but three or four not filling it then I get only three or four ice cubes in kit of a possible 14. That's a pretty good one. That's a pretty good one. Necro C. You gotta have his and her ice cube trays and if she uses yours at all.

Cut her head off. Cut her head off. Necro C for five. Epson the Chat Boys, not only does Crimson not have a job but he also does not have a Discord account. Thank you for not ending yourself, Crim. Diamond G for 222. X-Men 97 is incredible.

I've been watching it, it's not bad. Turkware for five. Funny how Vito rags on the Catholic Church for ex-Men 97 is incredible. I've been watching it's not bad. Turkware for five funny How veto rags on the Catholic Church for ex communicating degenerates? What are they supposed to do accept people with values? They're opposed to the ex communicated Francis Bacon Did he reform the whole fucking church? Yes, they're supposed to accept everyone. Yeah. Yeah Sarah Gardner for five huge ass veto given advice on healthier drink options Genghis Grubb for two great show guys keep it up. Thank you hose AM for two laugh at fatal J The walking minstrel show nor know we love fatal J and we want him to come on the jazz singer fatal J

He's coming on and he's gonna do a whole song and I'll jolson Where these comics are some fine comics. Well, my mama told me. Geeks for five. Next week I'm going on a dinosaur dig. Sometimes it's tricky because their big bones look like they belong to Vito. That does sound tricky. Torkware for two, can't wait to pirate

super killer team guy Vito. Clever username for two Australian, what does Sergeant Fred Slaughter think of Mr. Burcham? Not enough money. Sergeant Fred Slaughter is a better character than Mr. Burcham. I come buckets for two, Vito just wants to see trans kids. Classic win-win.

Whatever. Jake Herzberg for two, years old, you are pretty, okay. On the John for 10, I'm so mad. After listening to the Biggest Problem bonus episode, Biggest Problem in Motherhood is now at patreon.com slash Biggest Problem. I can't stop noticing how much of my time is wasted by women trying to talk about themselves asking how was school? Great problem brought in by Dick.

Pineapple Man for five. Training an AI model on Mr. Burcham for nefarious reasons and then tweeting it to Jeremy Boring. That could be funny. He'd love that. Geeks for two. I'm convinced all Derriy Wier writers have the tism. Adventure Tim for five.

I was gonna compliment Vito, but not after he wasted 20 minutes being jealous over someone's completed project. Rude for D's not spread. That's what it seems like. Mr. Burcham is the completed project. Yes, it sounds like jealousy Mr. Burcham is the completed project. Yes, it sounds like jealousy.

Because you had all this money and you still haven't produced a comic. I want Mr. Burcham to be good. I hope it's good. I come back for two. That's where the jealousy comes from. I just pewed my rifle to the sun. This guy's tough. Ken for two, Sharia or Talmud. Talmud for me. Devin's Howe for five, Con Air is a pretty good movie, I agree.

Yolanda Finkelstein for two says, money! Thank you. Euthanasia enthusiast for seven, Canadian, just buy your comic Vito, even have you skipped my super chat that one time, the constant verbal spamming made me do it. Oh, this is your last chance, cause now I actually do have to close it.

I'm so sick of the comic. I left it open only for ProLast Media, but if somebody else wants Sneaks in, I cannot stop you. Utah based Armenian for two by the time the sun explodes we will be on Kolob. Oklavich for two says quick Vito plug Superkiller again. India superkiller.org. That's it. Cool for two. I'll buy you a drink not a steak though. I'll read every review of Superkiller. To offset the plugging, the shilling. Now I found it. We're not doing that.

That's the balance. That's the balance. Every review. Renowned Zero, Hail the Lord. I'm reading all the reviews. Every Kiwi Farmer. You don't understand. I am going to probably not. I Kiwi Farmer that sends a review. I am going to probably not, I don't know what I'm going to do.

You don't understand how sick we are of hearing about it. I'm going to be in emotional wreck when the time comes out. The money's not going to help with that. That's all you got. I know that's all I got, okay? You should have tried harder. I should have tried, don't say that! Okay, look. Perfectly balanced.

Every review. You guys don't understand that this is a big deal, right? Gotta be less than 500 words. Tool chest for five. Someone should buy Vito's dinner in Vegas. He's just calling fat weird. We already did that. Peach hook for two.

Is it really parasocial if Vito stays in my house? No, not at all. No. Steve for two. Misogyny. It's only parasocial if Vito doesn't get something out of it. If Vito gets something out of it, it's fine. If he's getting made fun of or he's causing something, it's parasocial.

Yes, there you go. Diamond G for five, USA will be a third world nation when we have to colonize space by emergency if we keep going the way we are. Trump 24, make America space bound. We got to go away from this exploding sun. Kara Fro for 50 says you have to play ill-advised for everyone. We did Kara!

We got it in. No chargebacks though. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thank you. Kara Fro, moderator of the stars. We love her. SheerLips for 2. It was a joke. Sorry guys. It's fine. Stratursery for 10. According to voicemails, weight is similar as long as two people are within three digits of weight with one another. Imagine being in the same weight class as The Rock and Cecil. It's only 75 pounds. Dean Shock for two

Thanks for the laugh boys RRP stream Steve for two says F Because I believe our stream did go down Are we not playing that game? I guess because it broke the whole computer There's tons more. What? There's tons more Super Chats. I know, I'm just saying, I remember you had a game you wanted to play. Icon Bucket for two. Oh no, yeah, yeah. Costco challenge, eat 50 hot dogs, get a free shirt.

I do have my Costco shirt on. Available now at KillDozer.Industries along with the Super Killer merch and the Biggest Problem merch. Fucking shilling! Do not buy any of that shit I have a biggest problem merch you get money from that I don't give a fuck the shilling is constant it's not shilling I want to blow my fucking brains out

oh my god alright I'm sorry I wore a shirt from my very popular merch store at Kildozer.Industries lol no for two hope next week will be funny. Okay, Google's no no no We're not doing an okay Google Nicholas for five Canadian 77 days and counting until veto becomes a hack fraud yes Drunk in a the studio gonna be brutal man. It's gonna be great. Oh wow Session stone now drunk in a the Studio corrects me. It is true. Frankenstein is a universal monster, not Warner Brothers. Everyone knew that.

Ken Furtua, man's face was eaten at Hackamania for 28. Wow. 24, that's gonna be me. Justin Brodyk for five, things haven't been going well for me, might end it all. The only thing I have to look forward to is Vito losing weight, no pressure. Okay.

Just kill yourself and get it over with. Drunken Hades Studio for Tuesdays, bring back Freestyles Veto, they're fun to edit. No, cool for two. Freestyles are better than pre-recorded rap. That's fine, I understand. We just had a little bit of fun. Veto, whatever you need, Mark Brooks, sure.

Bobba Gump for two, I'm Veto, oink oink. I'm Walrus Veto, oink. The locks for 10, I'm not really a comic book fan, but I was was going to buy super color for my brother as a gift when you put out the campaign I'm glad I didn't now vote up pre-orders vetoes too long pre-orders too long You're gonna feel stupid when you don't get a first edition copy You could just read the digital one weirdo lay for five black guy veto Chinese veto my name veto in this how I talk Diamond G for two video you've lied about your completed pages. I don't think I've lied about my completed pages. You've got 15 left you said. I believe we have 15 left but they're not colored. We have 15 left. Yeah but the colorist has one a day so 15

pages left that's three weeks. You could easily do the whole thing by the time it catches up. By the time the ink or pencil or whatever. Cool for five, a manga volume is 120 to 200 pages, super killer is five months late only 65 pages I thought you wanted to make a manga veto. I agree god for two veto Why did you take your diss tracks so seriously? I don't know You know is a large round bozo, but I want veto to be a healthy bozo I will gladly help you with a weightlifting routine if you like I didn't take it seriously I just I don't know I had it

If you like I didn't take it seriously. I just I don't know I had it Claimers if you didn't take it seriously that I hate you guys rap man for two fat Clip for two it puts a parrot in a pirate flag that should get you Justin Broderick for two two for two that's funny Fattest for five fog we forgot about the fog Which ruins my ability to get a decent thumbnail for this show, so why don't we get a nice shot first? Oh no! We've ruined the shilling! It's not the shilling, it's the thumbnail for the shilling! More fucking shilling!

It ruins the color. Radman for five, will the steak night with Vito be considered a mukbang? If so, how much should keep you from eating? Order as much as you can, see how much you can order. Mr. Cool Ice for fives, Gang Fest sucks, comedian circle jerk, long lines, and nowhere to sit. BOOM! Wow. Coo for two, people disrespecting sucks, comedian circle jerk, long lines and nowhere to sit. BOMA! Wow. Coup for 2, people disrespecting your time is the biggest problem in the universe. Very true.

Formarars 2, says if Deadpool 3 comes out first, you're done Vito. You're done. Brigil Gluge for 2, Vito new respect to you for the rap, see how many people like it. It was great. Goldilocks for 2, Vito where's my money? It's been 14 weeks. Oh, wait, we got a couple more here. G money pants for five. That'll do pig. That'll do Goldilocks for two. Sorry. It's been four weeks. I'm still poor. What's the game where we smash all the toys. Oh, what's in the box? You know you want it.

Vito's booty! So get on the scale or I'll smash it to shit! Vito's booty! Vito's booty! Vito's booty! Vito's booty! Vito's booty! BOOGIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E You can see the scale, you don't have to go what you think you're at. I tricked- that has a different number. 280, can you believe it? What an incredible fucking- You think you went up or down? I saw it on the scale, just do it!

What do you think led to the... the change? Well, I didn't take off my shirt or my pants. How much do those weigh? 5 or 6? Yeah, 5 or 6 pounds. So I'm probably at like 285. What is it? Just say it. How would you feel if you weighed 285? I'd feel good. That'd be good. You'd feel good. I mean it'd be good. I mean it's going down. It is going down.

How would you feel if you weighed 250? That'd be great. Would you feel good? I don't fuck- what is the bit? Just finish the bit. Just asking. I don't wanna- I wouldn't be stretching this out for, alright? We've been talking about Superkiller for like, ten hours. I know, and now you got me all in my head that everyone's gonna hate the fucking comic and all the reviews are gonna say Vito's a ret- If the comic sucks, it's over.

Vito, all of these guys are gonna pretend it's the worst thing ever made. Every one of Eric's fans is- Yeah, but I can ignore them. Hohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohoho ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, and the comics late and everything sucks and I'm the worst and fucking whatever. Who can you not take criticism from? I don't care. Thank you everyone for your support. I'm doing what I think is a very good job. I mean we went through Eric's comic word for word and tore it apart. I know and I accept that's gonna happen to me. Alright? And that's fair. I accept that. When's Yellow Flasher's yellow flashers coming coming it might I don't know. He says he's good. It's almost done. So we'll see

It's almost done. When's it coming out? I don't know probably same time as mine before the end of the year Christmas time If he if his little gay fucking World War two Sentai shit is better than my comic. I'm gonna look like a big idiot and I accept that You want to tell people what you got on the scale 285 291.8. So what it's like a pound hoof Pound pound and for me point six pounds, okay. It's just normal fucking weight

Yeah, but you had a week to lose eight pounds and you gained a week to lose eight pounds You could easily lose eight pounds. Well. I'm gonna say again my scale says that we're making progress So your scale just rigged to go down constantly constantly going down Your scale just rigged to go down constantly. Constantly going down. You could lose easily eight pounds in a week. I don't know how to do that. You gotta stop drinking boba. I got one boba. One boba.

Maybe walk back and forth to the boba five or six times before you get it. It's not a weight loss show, okay? I'm not gonna lose weight. Well yeah, cause you're gaining a pound and a half. So it's a weight gain show, that's entertaining too. So weight, it's a mukbang. Why don't we do that? Why don't we make that- It's a muk slowbang. How about if I gain weight, we go, ah cool.

You know, that'd be fun too. Nah. Ahem, whatever man. It's a pound and a two. Yeah, but it's all the way you could have lost. And I'm, yeah, I'm just like, look. Eh. Eh. Life's full of disappointments, right? It's all the way you could have lost and I'm yeah, I'm look Life's full of disappointments, right?

Well for you, how were you disappointed by that? Disappointed by a lot of things I disappointed by the pound and a half gain No, not really. I'm not worried. I'm not losing sleep about that. What do you why not? I? Just like trusting in the process Trusting the prize diet. Yeah the boba diet I Told you this bit is not good. Oh really yeah, what's not good? Why it's depressing for people Depressing for you. I think it's depressing for the audience as well, but it's your call. Wait a minute, right now you think this is not a good radio segment? I don't know!

This is what people like, it's just a fat guy. You're scribbling obsessively like a serial killer on paper and you think that's not good radio. I don't know what I'm supposed to do, what am I supposed to do? Lose- lose weight. Okay. Don't gain a pound and a half! Can we get a verbal commitment? No! Of course not! Stop this! Alright?

I think you're gonna be pleased! I already know I'm not! I already know I'm not! I already know I'm not gonna be pleased! Alright? Here we go! What is it No, I'm not gonna I don't want it is it a DVD I'm gonna hide it

What is it a mother's That's cuz you gained a pound and a half. Oh, is that why? Do you have a secret one back there with the... Do you still think there's prizes in there? No, I have to check to make sure there's not a trick, cause you tried to make one of these a trick. There might still be a trick in there. Might be in the walls of the cardboard.

Okay, well I'll find out when I get home, I guess. Why don't you try to... No. Why don't you lose? No. Why don't you try to know why don't you lose? No, why don't you know? No Stop I'll do whatever. I doesn't like I'm not thinking about it. I'm thinking about a lot of stuff

What are you thinking about? I'm thinking about this comic every fucking day. I'm obsessed trying to make it fucking good What do you do? Are you you're not writing it? No, but I gotta make all the fucking things, and I'm talking to Chinese suppliers, I'm talking to print companies and fucking colorists and letterers and whatever else. Jeez. And then I gotta make a diss track about Eric Jellion for some stupid reason. Do you schedule any meetings with them? No, I don't schedule anything. Do you have meetings or calls with them?

Nope, there's no project management, it's all just by the seat of my pants because who cares I'm not treating it seriously, and I'm an idiot I'm just asking if you have calls with them. No no no I don't I don't there's nothing happening There's no progress. There's no comics getting made. It's all a joke. It's all fake Just asking a question. No it's all trash. It's all fake, and I'm a failure, and I've fucked up, and I'm a failure and I fucked up and I'm the worst 100,000 dollars 100,000 dollars 100,000 dollars Can you believe it? Look, I have great faith that we're making something good and that's what I hope. I hope that we've made something good

Let's see, Yancy for 10, you need to remove the towel rack over your scale. Congratulations on Superkiller. That's a Simpsons joke. That is a good Simpsons joke. You didn't read everything that they're saying. No, I did. No, that guy says that'll do, babe. We already read that.

We already read that. He said it again. I guarantee you already read that. And I do need to update the Dickhead's Veto Files graphic and I will do so but thanks to all of our supporters for coming in for the end of the stream where we weirdly have this depressing obsession with my weight and my failed comic book and my failed comedy career and the fact that nobody at Skankfest likes me so I shouldn't even go. You should go! And uh, Hackamania, you know, whatever. I'm gonna have fun. Hackamania's gonna be great.

Guys, don't forget to get your tickets at hackamania.com And uh... You should sell these mother's milks. No, no, I'll just give you them all. It's just a fucking endless tomb that I can die in. Maybe I'll make a coffin out of them when I gain 1,500 pounds and who cares. Why don't you try losing some weight? Nah, I don't wanna- 1,500 pounds might be a little much.

I don't wanna make excuses. I don't wanna make excuses. What does that mean? I don't, you know- Did you learn that from boogie, that phrase? No, if I say I'm gonna try to lose weight and I don't, then it just sounds like I'm lying. No, it's just failing. Yeah, I failed it losing weight Are you going to no cuz I'm gonna fail at it apparently. Oh cry me a river. I'm not crying. Are you a river? I? Know I have to cut everything out of my life that brings me any amount of joy Yeah, not eat anything tasty and just fucking granola and

Now you gotta eat real food so your brain adjusts to eating real food instead of sugar water. I don't want to do that though. Uh... Okay. I wanna eat pasta. Pasta is a real food. Not real. It's the sugar water. Yes it is. I eat pasta all the time. No, no. You can't eat pasta. Oh, carbs!

You have no idea what food is in your body. Of course you can eat pasta. Pasta's not good for you. It's a shit ton of carbs. You have no idea what food is in your body. Of course you can eat pasta. Pasta's not good for you. It's a shit ton of carbs. It's fine. You eat pasta twice a week, two or three times a week. Of course that's fine. Well, I've been avoiding pasta entirely, so... But this, this is way worse. The green tea cucumber's way worse than spaghetti. I drank half of it. I'm only drinking because I'm sick. And yes, it's 170 calories. Pasta's like a meal.

I can eat a lot. Of pasta? Yeah. Like how much? All of it. All the pasta? Yeah. I just only eat half of that. And I'm not full and I'm like miserable. Oh. Yeah. Then you eat that? Yeah. No,'m not full and I'm like miserable. Oh. Yeah. Then you eat that?

Yeah. No, I just eat until I'm, you know... Stuffed. Yeah. Okay, but then stop. After that. No, I can't. I have to! I know, but I can't.

Just do it once or twice a week. No! What don't you get about this? Okay? Like, what do I have to explain? All this like just eat less. Yeah. Yeah I'm not gonna do that. Why? Because I don't want to. I want to eat like an idiot. All the time? I have no happiness in my life, Dick. No. Oh I just got $100,000 for free. You think that money is gonna make me happy necessarily? Okay, I'll say this.

I am happy that I can make things. That's great. I'm very excited about that. Well, the making is the problem. Sure. That's what you need to do. Okay, look, I'm not saying I'm not happy about the money. I'm very happy about the money. Okay. Okay.

But I still, you know, go about my life. And I'm just, you know money. Okay. Okay, but I still you know go about my life And I'm just you know, there's just a general sense of misery that surrounds me at all times Okay, so I eat because then at least I can feel good for 15 minutes. Can you do it in a fat bastard voice? Maybe I should I can't do it. I eat because I'm unhappy And I'm unhappy because I eat. That's what it is, that's the cycle. Yeah. Yeah. It's not healthy. Talking about it though, that's another part of the cycle.

Well I wouldn't talk about it if there wasn't a pirate themed game show around it. Well do you want the toys or not? I just don't want to depress people with the reality of it, which is that I'm miserable. And I eat to be like slightly happy for a temporary period of time. Oh. All right? Like at least while I'm eating I go well this feels good. What's your favorite thing? Most things. But not boba. You don't want to eat boba. No I don't like boba. Just drinking milk. Pasta's good. I like pasta. Pasta's probably one of my favorite things. I can't get it though because it's again, it's like all carbs

If I could I'd eat pasta every night Probably Yeah, have you ever done that? No, you just don't? Because pasta I consider pasta very- Why don't you just eat all the pasta and don't drink drinks? This is all the drinks in my house right now are no calorie I just got this cuz I'm like, eh. so you won't do that is what you're saying I Guess not yeah, I'm gonna do whatever look if I just you know pasta and then don't drink all the sugar drinks Like have you guys ever met? I don't have you met a fat person like this is all we this I don't think every fat person Yeah, every fat person goes food makes me feel good. So I'm gonna eat whatever I want

No, and the amount of happiness I get for food. Yeah, absolutely outweighs the amount of happiness I would get from being skinny Okay, like that was you know, I was skinny and I felt good about it It wasn't as good as eating food all the time. Okay Like it's definitely not as exciting and fun. Exciting? Yeah, dude, eating food is, like, super exciting to me. I think food is, like, honestly one of the only reasons to keep living. Like, that's it.

Okay, let's put it this way. You like alcohol, right? No. You way you like alcohol right no you don't like alcohol I hate it. Okay. Well, there's some people who really like alcohol, right? Okay, like if I told you if I told an alcoholic there's no more alcohol anymore. They'd probably be pretty bumped out about it, right? Can you explain it in more simple terms? I just really really really like food. I really like food a lot It's not complicated at all Okay, I get excited about food But you want to look some way though, right?

If there's a way to do it with like not having to deny myself like should I like Which is why I've tried to find like foods that are filling and have lower calories what about like guinea pig pellets I don't think I would enjoy those oh But I did get the I did get the pills that what do you call it are like some fucking? Fibrous thing that you eat them, and then it fills up your stomach oh Like packing peanuts well basically they absorb water and they fill up your stomach, so I like packing peanuts? Well, basically they absorb water and they fill up your stomach, so I've tried taking that. It doesn't really seem to work.

How many of those did you eat? You take three pills before a meal. No, you gotta do like a whole handful. Well, I guess I could take six of them and try to expand my stomach out to whatever. Take as many as you can do try. I mean, I think at this point I either got to do Ozempic or I got to get like gastric bypass or something. Haha you got to get back on

Ozempic. I can I have it in my fridge I just haven't taken because I'm worried about getting sick again but I know I just should take it. Will there be another fundraiser for gastric bypass? If that's not gonna be a fundraiser I would just pay for it or something. Oh. What would the fundraiser be for? What is the for- I'm not running any fundraisers. Look, I have an unhealthy relationship with food and it's one of these things where you can go, well just, you know, convince yourself not to eat it. Stop eating. Okay, well I'm not- I can't.

Oh. If I do that, I would probably just kill myself. If I do that I would probably just kill myself Hello, man, I don't know what you want me to say like what is that? It's one of the like things that I get joy out of yeah, yeah a good meal is uh There's not a lot on this earth worth doing. You know? What do you enjoy doing? Not making a hundred thousand dollars of comics, that's for sure. I like focusing on negative stuff all the time. I'm not trying to focus on negative stuff, I'm just telling

you guys. I like fucking exaggerating stuff, so it's me, it's sympathy for fervoking. What do you think is an exaggeration? Everything. Okay. You could just stop eating. All that emotional shit's just like, made up. You think I don't have any emotions? To like evoke sympathy from people. I'm not trying to evoke sympathy.

Nobody has to feel bad for me because I don't feel bad for me. I don't feel bad about being fat. It just is what it is. Like yeah, it would be better to be skinny in terms of health. But if I stay fat, I don't know. Then what? Nothing. Nothing changes. There's so many fat guys in the world. What is going to change? I don't know. Okay. I mean, look, we're down 20 pounds still.

At least I kept most of it off, right? Fuck it, just put it back on. Maybe. Just knock it out in a month. I don't know what to tell you guys, man. I told you guys this is not a weight loss show. Pile on the spaghetti! I don't know what to tell you. Spaghetti from 9 to 9!

Just veto, don't eat is not a solution, because I won't do that. Okay? Oh yeah. Eh. Okay. Eat more! I've tried to find- I've tried to just eat like protein, so I'm just doing like eggs, uh, a bunch of vegetables.

Like Gaston? Eggs and like uh, proteins and whatever else. Yeah. I dunno. Alright. There you go. Vito's booty, always a thrilling, always a thrilling segment. Everybody loves it.

Vito's booty! And that was me only getting a pound and a half. I mean imagine, imagine what we could get if I gained five pounds. We could get a whole fucking thing out of it. Vito's milk! I'll get another mother's milk for the bucks. We'll be at Hackamania. Don't forget hackamania.com.

Get your tickets right now. And please leave a bunch of comments about how I'm making excuses and coping. Really, the excuses thing really bothered you. Because I'm trying to be honest. Almost nobody said it. And coping. Really, the excuses thing really bothered you. Cause I'm trying to be honest. Almost nobody said it. Cause people think I'm like lying.

Yeah, you're lying. About what? Like all this like emotional shit like I can't, I'm gonna kill myself if I can't eat. I'm not gonna kill myself but like, it is like an emotional thing for me. I eat like for emotional whatever. Yeah for happiness. Uh-huh You'll get happy like eating a pizza like a good whatever just any good Yeah, I'm trying to like tell people like I'm gonna kill myself. I'm not saying I'm gonna kill myself That's not what I'm saying. I'm gonna kill myself. I can't drink

I'm just saying that I have few joys in life and that's like the only like One of the few meaningful ones to me is a good meal. I Love food. What can I say? It's weird the way we talk about food like it's like the worst I know is that weird the way we talk about it. It is no I just say like I have lunch and dinner Oh, yeah, the way people talk about weight loss like oh my god eating I can't believe that person is fat and they got to lose weight and we're gonna stop eating why because it's too fat. What does that? Okay, we're all gonna die. No, it's infecting your brain

Okay, well a lot of things are infecting my brain Eating is I don't know man. It seems like we live at the end of the world the last thing on my fucking mind is like on my fucking mind is like, oh, the fucking, uh, yeah, eat right. We're at the end of the world! Gotta get fucking healthy or whatever. You don't think that's funny? I mean, I believe- Can you imagine if you said you gotta drink less and I said, we're at the end of the world, I'm gonna drink as much as I want? That would be psychotic!

No, everyone would be fine with that. Nobody would care if you said that. No, they would. If you said the world's ending, I'm gonna drink like an idiot, cause who cares? Everyone would be like, yeah, that's cool. If somebody said you gotta drink less and my answer wasn't, ending, I'm gonna drink like an idiot, cause who cares? They would be like, yeah, that's cool. If somebody said you got a drink last night, and my answer wasn't, yeah, I should. If I had a-

It would be wrong. If I had an addiction to something other than food, people would be like, oh, he just loves smoking cigarettes. Who cares? No, they would say, please stop your fucking up your family. You're gonna die. Stop. You gotta be.

But they wouldn't treat it that way, like a guy who has, if it's really fucking things up, like if it's fucking up my life Every addiction is But it's not like I can't get anything done because I'm eating all the time Okay? That's not a big part of it So smokers can't- they can't get stuff done? No, smokers do get stuff done. I'm just saying that like, I don't know, I don't get why it's such a big deal

Because it's causing these to you to say Crazy things what did I say that is crazy? I'm gonna kill myself if I can't I didn't end of the world So I'm just gonna eat well. We've been a bit even a none of this matters. Let's be real come on What we're gone you gotta get super killer. I'm gonna come out of it I'm if you tell me I'm gonna go down myself You gotta get super killer. I'm gonna come out of it. I'm if you tell me Existential road, but you're taking it's there. What am I supposed to do? You're like, why won't you lose weight? You know it matters so much It doesn't matter that much man, like you're really what truly matters

What matters is the comic book that matters and go back up to 310? What matters is the comic book that matters. So then go back up to 310. No, because I don't need to gain the- if I can keep a little weight off that's fine. Ah, that's a quid pro quo fallacy. That's a status quo fallacy. Hehehehe Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe hehehe hehehe hehehe hehehe hehehe hehehe hehehe hehehe hehehe hehehe hehehe hehehe hehehe hehehe hehehe he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he It's too nighty go back up to three times. What is it? What is the criticism? Okay? What is the criticism? The criticism is veto eat less yeah, okay? Yeah, all right I Should eat less because it walks above the story twice you got to walk there and back and then go again, okay? Well, I've been exercising so that's good Okay

Again, this is like a one pound fluctuation. I might actually have lost weight Except for the solar flares probably messed up the scale and the solar flares might have messed up the scale You can't go week to week. You got to go month to month. Year to year Yeah, I know it's not happening. So whatever. What's not happening? I'm just saying look you're down at 290 from 310 Yeah, which is not great. Should have been more. Well, it's not great. No, no, but it's something it is something Now we got to get you down to 270. But again, that was when I was doing the Ozempic So I should just get back on it. Yeah, but you didn't pile it back on usually pile it back on You think it was epic people get back up to 310. Yeah

Everybody gets back up to 310. Well, like I said, my fridge has different stuff in it. I'm working out. So if I get back on the OZ, here's the problem. Get on a spaghetti diet. I get really, I get very hungry. And then I eat like a big pile of fucking protein and vegetables and whatever else.

And I eat it all. And I go, well, that'll be fine. And then I'm still hungry. So you got to eat the moon. Maybe that won't. No, I got to get on that. I need something to say, like, hey, you're not hungry anymore. Don't eat.

Don't drink that stuff. Most of it, look, how much did I drink of it? I don't want to touch that. OK, well, I drank like half of it. Well, don't drink the rest of it. I just wanted a little tea for my throat wanted a little a little tea for my throat I wanted a little tea for my throat. I have a sore throat. I will let's see what happens next week on We should do this every week. That's not funny. We should do 20-25 minutes

of talking about depression Yeah, addiction. That's fun. That's what the audience wants from the comedy podcast. All right. All right. It's just good TV. We should have pitched this when we went in. We should have said, what's the show? Well, it's 25 minutes of a fat guy.

I tried to pitch this of a guy guessing your weight, and you said, no, no, that's not funny. A guy guessing my weight. A guy, no, no, that's not funny. A guy guessing my weight? No, a guy just going around making people say their weight and then getting on a scale. And I said, this is the funniest bit ever done. A guy goes around, I go around and say, what's your weight? And if you're within, if you can guess your own weight, you win a prize. If you can guess your own weight and make women do it.

And they all melt down. You said, I don't understand why that's funny. Remember that? I thought I green lighted that. down. You said, I don't understand why that's funny. Remember that? I thought I green-lighted that. I thought I said, yeah, that works. No, it was a big problem. That would be a good bit. Well, no, I think that...

If you can guess your own weight, you win a prize. I don't want to do this! And then you try to throw it in front of them. I think we didn't explore it deep enough. What's the prize? Money? No, none of them I think we didn't explore it deep enough what's the prize money no none of them will do it because they will not they have a way themselves the prize is this is goodbye goodbye everybody please don't leave comments about this I'm gonna kill myself anyway I don't need this shit is Is there someone in the will that gets you $100,000?

Yeah, my sister's gonna get it all. Aww, she doesn't need a hundred grand? She's gonna go up to Everest again. My mom will get some too. Aww. Just let me make my comic books and be fat. I like being fat. Nah, you don't like being fat. I don't like the physical appearance of being fat. Nobody has this reaction of something they like.

But the food I love. Yeah, that's not what we're talking about. Well, yeah, but that's like the part I really like. I really like it. Well, I'll do it half as much. Eh, I'll try. I don't know. Well, no, I can't say I'll try because, again.

You've made that up, this thing like, I can't say I'll try because these trolls are coming after me. I think I am trying. You try harder. Right. Yeah. Okay. All right, goodbye.

What a show. What a show.