The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 157

Episode Date: September 21, 2024

Time to get my EGIO on. Oh, this soy jerky is the worst shit in the world. Don't eat this. Hahahaha! Oh, it is soy jerky. Aw, come on, Neil. It's a cute little thing, but it tastes like dog shit. Why would he do that? It's probably the company is all soy jerky.

So it's not a Neil Hamburger jerky. It's Louisville... Neilville hamburger would never do that. Veg and jerky company, so it's only vegan jerky. That sucks Well, don't worry. You don't have to eat it. Just I think it's more fun to I just kept the bag Yeah, I'll take a picture of the bag. Yeah, how much you're not gonna keep the bag Why do I keep an empty jerky bag? That's limited edition Neil hamburger merch. How Neil Hamburger merch is there in the world? Well too much apparently. Keep it sealed it'll probably rot down into nothing. It'll be funny. To soybeans? Yeah. It's gonna get all bloated and sick. That's true it might fill with some gases. I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna eat it. If you go to throw that out just give it back to me. I'm gonna eat it. You're not gonna eat it.

Give you back a piece of trash? That's a rare Neil Neal Hamburg. You're like an Indian soy giver? Yeah, hipster Indian giver. Well, don't throw it out. Well, what am I supposed to do with it? Give it, re-gift it to somebody. I don't want someone to, I don't want word to get around town that I gifted them. You wanna switch the show over? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not a solution. I got enough problems. All right, my reputation is in shambles as it is I gave dick this delicious bag of soy jerky and he's talking about he's gonna throw it out You said it's suck. It's so you said you said it's not for eating. It's like a gag gift. You don't eat it Well, what do you like? Is it like a greeting card? I got to hold on to it forever

You got to put it you got to put it in like like your little keepsake box full of tchotchkes. Is my keepsake box intended to mean my entire house? Is that how you do it? I found my jerk off letter the other day and I put it in my treasure box. My letter from one of the most dedicated Veto fans out there. Oh, the Veto file? Yeah, the Veto file who jacked off. I said, oh, he said he has proof.

I'm glad. What other proof would there be? There's a video of him jacking it. Him with the newspaper, I guess. I don't know. I'm very excited for that. Yeah, I found that. I put that in my box of keepsakes. Yeah. You're gonna, you got no excuse now. You gotta get a bigger box. Patreon's at 10,000.

Oh man. After the new bonus episode came out. Yeah, that's, how do you feel about that? It's vile, I didn't think we were gonna hit that number ever. 10,000? I know you said you'd vote for Trump if we had 10,000. Is that what I said? You did say that.

I'll vote for whoever the audience wants at this point. But I think, you know what? The audience has to decide who I'm voting for I can't just assume it's Trump You guys got to put out there. You got to say we want veto to vote for Trump I'm in California. It doesn't matter at all. I'll go to the ballot box next to my house Mail it in so we can see. Is there any way to mail it in early? You want me to do a mail-in ballot then you can see me fill in the bubbles? Yeah, I need to see it. Give me a mail-in ballot. Sure California's uh, you don't have California's figuring shit out though. Didn't they just pass proposition 36?

That says what? As Gavin Newsom says. All immigrants voted Democrat down the line no matter what. No It's the one where it says we want to increase the penalties for theft and and drug crimes We'd like actually want to put these people in prison and Gavin Newsom was on the news He went do you know what that's gonna do to black and brown people? He literally said that's the impact that's gonna have on the black and brown community I'm like Gavin why do you think increasing the penalties for theft is gonna affect the black and brown community? Can you explain sides are running on that just imagine what this is gonna do to black and brown people I? I really couldn't believe it literally was like that. I don't know I'll every every Proposal in this election cycle every single one is both sides saying just imagine what this is gonna do to black

I'll be around just imagine what this is gonna do to black brown people. Just imagine what this is gonna do to black people Yeah, one side's really like just imagine what we're gonna do to these fuckers And the other side's like, oh we gotta help them out I saw him say that it's gonna return us to the 80s Yeah, apropos, now he goes if we pass this we'll go straight back to the 80s I'm like the most thriving exciting period in America You know that half the country's voting literally for the 80s, right? Yeah, that's what they want, specifically.

Every good piece of entertainment. And then he's like, uh, 80s. He was like, you guys, uh, you know, and Walmart is pushing this, you guys want to support Walmart? I'm like, I can understand why Walmart does not want as much shot. Like, the fact, once the Target doesn't have to lock up the Legos anymore Then I'll go. Okay now we're safe again, and we can relax things Yeah, I go to Target and they have toothpaste dude They have three Lego aisles, and they're all behind lock and key

You're not allowed to just take Legos off the shelf anymore because the big ticket shoplifting item Even I've had to curb my shoplifting. I feel guilty at one point. It was cheeky and fun. I'm like, yeah I'll just pay for what's in my cart. Uh 10,000 10,000 we have hit on the patreon that means that we of course have to produce the Biggest problem TV proposal pitches. We'll get there. We'll get there. What do you mean? We'll get there Yeah, we I did say that did say can put it up. We can find it We gotta have a little breakdown and have a behind the scenes thing I have this thing called making money doing content. Yeah, it's a real fucking affliction that I have

It's a real affliction that you go. Hey if my patreon hits this number, I'm gonna do a silly pants skating routine I will do that See I'm not gonna inflict that on our people No no no no no they gotta wait Or I stretch it out for months and months and months. You don't know, they might charge back right away, you don't know, they might be looky-loos. We gotta, yeah, you're right.

Might drop, it's gotta be. We might have to process some charge backs. We gotta make it a thing, you know, and you don't just upload it, like you're tipping a horse. I know we're gonna make a presentation out of it, but we have to actually make a presentation out of it, we can't just not do it ever. Let's talk about it, you know.

That's your showmanship. My solution to everything is, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. to actually make a presentation out of it. We can't just not do it ever. Just talk about it, you know. Ha ha ha! That's your showmanship. My solution to everything. Your solution to everything is, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, you absolutely have to vote for Trump. OK. Can we release the thing?

Ah, well, yeah. You gotta wait a minute. Yeah, you gotta wait on it. You can't just play that thing. People were saying they were crying at the end of the last bonus episode. I was surprised, yeah. People had a gay emotion.

A lot of gay fans of this show, which is, it's great, I love gay people. Of course. You know? More fat women for me. I support the local gay community. Just surprising we had so many gay fans. It's surprising that we,

people said you guys had a, it was like a very special episode, you know It's like finding out Webster got raped. That's like what are you gonna do with that? Now his friend got raped or the bicycle man the bicycle man Arthur What was his name was that little cartoon? I don't remember the name of the art vark. He got raped I think Arthur the art vark got raped in an episode of Arthur the art vark bar raped in an episode of Arthur the Aardvark. That's what you're claiming. No, it was in an episode of Babar. And Arthur was crying and Babar said, well, you shouldn't have came to fucking Elephant Land. They called him Artie.

It was like a slam. Well, we did have a very special episode. People have said it was a, not only was it a powerful episode, but it was also just a really good episode. We had some great problems. And they were crying when you said that. And you know, at one point we settled things with knives, there was blood, there was tears.

So guys, don't forget if you missed the bonus episode for some reason, patreon.com slash biggest problem that you can learn all about this magic scroll. I'm not going to tell you what's inside. You have to watch the episode to find out what's written on the scroll. Alright, let's go. Let's do it! Biggest problem in the universe! Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe! The only show that ranks every problem in the universe.

From, uh, eating kitties to shared equities? I don't know about that. Oh, equity. From the people eating the pets to expecting rationality from the fairest sex. That's from Zemegru. That's also terrible. From Haitian pet consumptions to lock wheel cart malfunctions. That's a mouthful. That's a better one. Yeah, that's the best one. Porco Romano, I'm your Hostic Master, and joining me is always... From eating the cats to tormenting the fats. It's biggest promise. It's easy. Come on, guys.

It takes two seconds. It scratches out all the other ones. It takes two seconds. It scratches out all the other ones. Welcome guys. Very exciting to be back here again for the all new and all improved. I don't know what this is anymore. What episode is this?

Well you better figure it out because you own half of it. Well I own half of the liability is what many people have suggested. But that's fun as well. That's true. It's part of me that went I don't know what kind of deal I'm getting into here but well we'll play it by ear we'll see how it comes hopefully any let's bankrupt by now there's always a little bit

men who expect women to behave rationally wow I won with a woman based problem on the biggest problem universe that's never happened Well they are they are you know you can't accept them well That's actually a men problem. You know when you really think about it. Yeah, it is you know it is That's a warning to men out there. You got a people blame the Jews for everything like well. I mean It's the classic to men out there. It's like when people blame the Jews for everything. Like, well, I mean, whose fault is it really? Come on. You let them run the banks. That was your choice.

Where are you guys going every Sunday? Anyway, it's not that kind of show. Is that okay to say? I don't know anymore. All the rules are out the fucking window. They really are. Yeah, they are. Do you feel like they are are I feel like they are Trump was on Trump

I saw a clip of Trump thing goes if I lose it's basically Jews fault. I was like I Feel like I feel like we're buried under so much insanity that it's like yeah do or say whatever it doesn't matter Is that? insanity that it's like yeah do or say whatever it doesn't matter is that is that where we it was that like an aft at the Jewish lobbyist convention and he asked like at the Jewish lobbyist convention said if I don't win the it's the Jews the Jews faults basically he said it's on you guys to get me a leg he's like you guys better tell your people to vote for me or else Israel's

fucking gone well that's a pretty compelling argument. It's a compelling argument, man. I think that's been the argument for most presidential candidates. They usually don't say it like that, though. Yeah, normally they're a little more attackful, like, well, we want America to be Israel's strongest ally. Hey, vote for me! You guys are, I'm gonna let Palestine do whatever the fuck they want.

Okay, Jesus. Never seen that done. Bad shopping carts. I had a twofer I Think we talked about having a penalty if you get a twofer we gotta figure that are we starting that now? people are eating the cats and dogs which was a Just that made me the happiest in a week of yeah badness that well is that a bringing stats about eating cats and dogs? You're on stats about why Haiti is bad

Yeah You're bringing stats about cats and dogs, you're bringing stats about why Haiti is bad. Huh. Yeah. I feel like I wanted more. I brought in that song too. Yeah, you played the- I played that song all week. I think you were relying a little too hard on the song. My fucking song is going everywhere. Lingering holidays like 9-11.

Yeah. Was that negative I believe? Oh, was it? I don't know. Yeah. Was that negative I believe? Oh was it? I don't know. What the fuck is wrong with people? Well, I usually have comments here but there was a weird YouTube bug. You're a fucking idiot when you're an asshole. All the comments got switched around on other videos.

The one time, the one time there's an episode where every comment goes, What's wrong with Dick? Dick's fucking up, Dick's ruining the show. But you couldn't find any comments this week. Synthetic Shinobi says, the show's become heavily performative, literally wearing a pirate costume. Yeah, that was pretty good. Dick's about to torpedo the show over a woman,

sounds familiar. I don't know what he means by that. I don't know what that could possibly mean. Vladi Shark, Vito has been falling apart, but Dick had a breakdown at the end. Are you threatening me? What the oh? I forgot about that. What the fuck was that? I was gonna come in with my shirt over my head Oh, you're gonna do them. Yeah That was a that was a classic classic moment top top ten

Are you threatening me? Fights that's gonna go in there. When they do the compilation clip. Top ten fights. That's probably gonna be at least number one. I don't wanna read that one. I'm trying to keep it on track here. There's a lot of comments. Oh, Lieutenant Fluffy says, Richard has never had a problem.

Begin be- begging mean to fans until Vito started doing it. I think he's jealous. You could be mean to fans. I'm not mean, I'm usually nice to. Okay. I mean, maybe, I don't know. Just don't block them on Superchats. I won't block them on Superchats.

Artie Duncan, I never expected to think Vito was a more rational one in an episode. Dick has become, oh, I don't wanna- okay. Same guy for you know who. Yeah. It's hard to look! It's hard for me to read comments when every single one- I know, I know, look.

mentions a certain nefarious character. Yeah, a certain group of nerds you are. Okay, Sir Tompsey, that was legitimately the worst episode I've seen so far, and it's all because of Dick. That last 15 minutes was pathetic in all caps. Worse than the Mr. Girl episode? Alright. Shit. A new love for the show. I really don't think that that is.

I don't think the Mr. Girl episode is that bad. I was gonna defend myself. Yeah. Warpio, it seems like Dick is trying his hardest to push Vito to quit and become the new Maddox of the show. We gotta get rid of this new... Maddox has become like Satan in this world. Yeah.

Well, I've said, you know... There he is! The new Maddox! But I get it, okay? You get it, right? Well, I get it because it seems like every podcast has the story of the one guy who fucked up the whole thing Or like every radio show yeah, yeah Although those guys are getting paid way more money if I torpedo this it's slightly less embarrassing

Yeah, like Jackie Martling was getting like 150 grand a year to you know He he gave an interesting defense of what he did He's like I'm just I was just sick of waking up at 5 a.m. every day. I don't like... I didn't like doing that. Yeah, he didn't like that and he wanted to... But he was getting paid a shit ton of money. Yeah, well...

I would have given it another five years and been... Because the other thing... Well, I mean... Just imagine the toys you could buy with... The bigger thing though was, he did quit because of the money number But it's like as already lang showed off It's like yeah But you use that show to be like and I'm doing a stand-up tour and you could sell it like any fucking club in America

Because you're on the Howard Stern show Yeah, I don't know like I can do this show and I could sell a garbage dogshit comic book Which I'm it's not even actually gonna come out. You know you tell about the promotional opportunities Which I'm it's not even actually gonna come out. You know it's all about the promotional opportunities Dick getting frustrated Vito isn't taking the bait and torpedoing the show is a first I've always found Vito funny, but this this is the first time I've had sincere respect for him It takes a oh it takes a big man takes a big man Well, I think I think he did a long fat I think the audience did respect me, you know, because I'm just trying to do a great comedy show and I got a drunkard Across from me and accusing me of threatening him

But in the end it all in the end it all works in dark nook I really hope Dix decides to stop trying to be keemstar. Oh man. That's the worst That's not that's the worst thing anyone could say about my I like my women like I like my speed limit Over 40 yeah You also like your IQ points above 40 so no I'm not a big fan of that AM fixer dick might be the worst conflict resolution mediator on earth. Yeah, that's probably true Well, it all it all for somehow worked out. It did work out in a magical moment magical bonus episode

Let me see here. I got an something this also Yeah, well, I've been like we got to get a guest on the show and I haven't been able to bring in a guest And the last like I'm like, well, I can't come in now Now I can bring them in before I'd be like what are are they gonna do they're gonna sit there as me and you bicker about. You're gonna have Eric Escobar on here again. Yeah we should have Eric Escobar back on. I like that guy he's fucking a goof. Evolution huh? Meta shit. There's some other guys. Figure out what meta shit you want to bring in. I'll see if Winston's Will come back on or if I've been added to the NAACP's database.

He was the comedian who... He was the gentleman. He was in... He's an actor, he's a comedian, he's a fun guy. How would I describe him? Or a cool jacket, I think. He did... Oh, I know who you're talking about.

Tall guy. Tall guy. He was tall, especially in the... It's definitely tall in the legs area. Yeah, and certain... Excellent jumping height. Not a great swimmer. Um... How could you forget about the worst offenders of all this?

Fuckers who light fireworks after the Fourth of July chuck dicks into their asses. I want that. Okay, then there's something about... Well, they've got leftover fireworks. This one's about roid rage and me having which I always find complimentary. Yeah If I could get you know, you're thinking this is roids. Thank you. Thank you. That's wonderful. This is all natural here, you know, yeah All right Sorry for ruining the show everyone while you fixed it as well put a lot of work into that like scroll you know routine. You know what's crazy I was after the show I was like man I got a... Did I not sell the scroll well enough? I didn't. What are you talking about it's retarded. I know but I was like... It's like out of a fucking cardboard box. You're like what about that scroll and I'm like yeah it's cool. Yeah yeah yeah it's pretty cool huh?

And I'm like are you proud of this? I think it was it was Sunday. Yeah, it was before you tweeted the are you threatening me thing? Mm-hmm. Oh, man. This is fucked up. I got to figure out something to do to fix this This is fucked so I need a path through the chaos and I said I got a I got a drink last And then I said I need a drink to celebrate that real revelation So I poured myself a drink and took a broader to my list. I said I need a drink to celebrate that real revelation, so I poured myself a drink I took a broader to my list. I said my girlfriend was there. I said I got it I know what the I know how to fix it. I know what the problem was the problem is yeah Anyway, it was smart. It was very smart

Very touching thanks, and I tried to make it slightly not too gay But then I ended up making it super gay, but I think people like that. It's the the the Gayness is in the eye of all the queers watching this show or crying about Being such a good sport. Well. Thank you and well I've got a very famous segment to get us back on track. It's a little something. I like to call voting out Oh, Mallorton Savior Voting out. Oh, Mallorton Savior! Like Holla Katooine's dickheads think that they're the only fans But M&S is coming out of Vito's stand

I make better jokes and I got better rhymes I'm not shaving your shoulders cause I don't have the time So fuck all the dickheads, I side with Vito He's a certified freak, hypothetical Pito The dick is getting better but he's gotta learn That his tiny flat ass has a cheek to turn Always making fun of the fake Ozempic The Nasperid is making Richard stick limp

Always going on with the etiquette drama Gossip Pope or the Dalai Lama So board it up it will be the bummer like Biden did in the next Kamala new world order with the same old drama voted up if you want to save your mama ooh and maybe a good song maybe you got that finasteride rage is that what's going on somebody said that I don't actually know how I take that's in I take that stuff as well so there's no's no fin... Maybe because I'm taking and you're taking, there's all these finasteride... You know, that's probably what it is. It's not the, uh, you know, the cord of whiskey. It's definitely a little pill of finasteride that the whole world fucking takes.

Well, that's, uh... I mean, right now, I don't know if you've seen... Everyone's accusing Boblacks of going mad with Coke rage. I don't know if you've seen... Everyone's accusing Boblax of getting mad with Coke rage. I don't know if you've seen that. Boblax, who has been on our show, is being accused by people of... Oh, is he? Being on a drug bender, which has caused him...

I thought you didn't like internet drama stuff. Here you are. Wait, what did I say? I don't like... You said you don't like gay internet... Well, if it's a guy I know personally, I've met Boblax. Honestly though, I do think the drama is retarded Yeah, what did he say well what did Bo blacks say yeah I guess Bo blacks was in some sort of scenario where he's been spurking out and leaking

Conversations and fighting with all his friends. Oh, I don't know anything about that and Does he have a late comic too? No he doesn't but he has all these people I guess he claimed to have borderline personality disorder Now he's in a boogie situation where he said well the reason I did that is because I have borderline personality disorder and they go Oh when were you diagnosed? And he went well I'm not

diagnosed It's the gay- again internet drama is retarded but it is funny that he's being accused of being on a coke fueled bender He's blaming me for the yeah, he's been there. That's why he brought this up right well I didn't know like I don't know if I should bring it up or not. I don't have any coke, but I did have some Powder that an elf gave me something scrambles your brains So if he got anything and I know is that there's a yes people are trying to accuse

Boblacks of being hopped upon some sort of goof wait a minute bo blacks is acting weird. That's so crazy Okay, literally mentally ill all right guys well welcome to voted up where we talk about past problems guys. Here's one you probably saw This is from episode 149 not too long ago. It's the problem of missing the game-winning shot This is when you put it all on the line. You can't get it done You know actually this is man sometimes you don't even take the shot sometimes you don't even get to like Wayne Greskey You got to send a message out to all the liberals. Hey you miss a hundred percent of shots You don't take well. It's also one of these things All your MK ultra weird freaks that somehow Magically traveled around the world despite being dead broke right they somehow

And then disappearing in the night. Yeah Well, you know it's like one of those classic sports stories where a guy You know they have to change the rules of the sport and then the sports changed forever like the guy who? Yeah, I think it was the javelin that like the shot clock yeah yeah they had to put one on because games taking forever games take forever sure you got to change up the rules three-point line yeah well for those of you who are hoping to win the big game this year unfortunately the house unanimously passed bill Friday that seeks to bolster former President Trump's security the

first legislative move the chambers made in response to this second apparent assassination attempt against the Republican presidential nominee. So if you were planning to go for the... You get more women around him? Yeah, they're gonna put a bunch of ladies. Yeah, all right. Fucking security guards. You got a bunch of more ladies.

Did you see Ryan Long's video of being a Trump security guard? No. That's a good one. You should check that out on his Twitter. The House cleared the legislation titled the Enhanced Presidential Security Act and a bipartisan 405 to 0 vote. 405. Not even Thomas Massey voted against it? Not even one person said fuck Trump, I hope he gets shot.

They all said yeah. I think both sides realized that Well, how they gonna vote no on that? Well, yeah, I mean that's I Think it's also one of these things where the Republicans here's my theories They're like well, we kind of want you nut jobs to keep shooting at him because it looks good But we can't you know not give them security and the Democrats are like, oh my god if you get shot We're really like fucked everything's gonna go nuts. Yeah So it will be sent to the Senate for consideration shot. There might be some real

Trump got shot. I might be really everybody goes like all you liberals want Trump to get shot I'm like no Trump gets shot. You guys are gonna go fuck do it. Yeah, we got We got a lot more than cracker barrel people on our side. Yeah Yeah, we got a lot more than Cracker Barrel people on our side. Yeah. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh But for those of you out there hoping to make the game-winning shot, the Senate's going to put a stop to that, hopefully next week. What a dickhead.

How do you feel about liberals saying calling both of these would be these assassins Republicans? Do you feel embarrassed that they do that at all? That's really the lowest thing they've done Well they're not democrats though Got it, okay, thank you for Well what are they? They're like lunatics What is the difference?

What was the most recent guy? He was like a super hardcore Ukraine supporter But he was a Trump voter, he voted for Trump No Yeah Uh, He said that No, he was like it. He was a Trump voter who got upset because of the Ukraine shit for some reason. Okay? All right. Did he vote for Trump or not? I don't know. I think he did

I think he did in the back and whatever you call it 2016. That's complicated. All right. Okay fine They're all that's complicated. I guess I don fine! They're all left-wing nutjobs. So it's complicated, I guess. Well, Dick, here's a problem you brought in. And it's been kind of a recurring joke about the definition of manhood and whatever else. From episode 54, it's the problem of ratchet straps. Oh yeah, they found that one on the sub.

If you go to my Twitter real quick. Oh yeah, that was good, man! The first picture of the Titan submersible, also known as the submarine, the Ocean Gate Submarine, that had a deadly implosion killing all aboard. The first picture of that has been revealed by the US Coast Guard as authorities opened a public hearing into the deaths of the five people aboard. So of course, this was the famous submarine submersible

where a bunch of rich people and weirdos got on. If you go down, I have a couple pictures of it. And what's interesting as we're going to see is despite the fact that a catastrophic implosion occurring thousands of feet beneath the ocean surface. Somebody nailed this one. Got it. Somehow the temperature of the surface of

the sun couldn't blow this ratchet strap off. As somebody put it, they said, listen, if when you put on a ratchet strap, if you say, that's not going anywhere, if you say that, those are the magic words. Oh man, there's no better feeling than going like 90 miles an hour. It's a truck full of camping shit. Like, iRatchet this shit down. That's not going anywhere. Who made this? They have to find out who manufactured this.

I do want to know because people are saying it's just like a typical fucking harbor freight like off the thing. It might be, but oh man. I had another picture of it too. There's actually a video of it if you go down one more. There you go. You can see the ratchet strap perfectly intact. So, they really, you can't. At the bottom of the ocean.

At the bottom of the fucking ocean after a submarine explodes on itself and it comes by people saying, yeah, but that strap ain't going nowhere. I really love watching the slow-mo breakdowns of their bodies imploding. I saw one where the body was made out of marble of all the different tissue that's imploding. They're like, errr, and it shows in slow-mo their head cells coming off, every single piece in this physics simulator. They couldn't feel anything.

Yeah, it's supposedly so quick. Yeah, if they could feel it, then I would feel bad. But it's like, yeah, I mean, come on. I was listening to a video where they're like, this is how long it takes to register pain. And the implosion would have happened in a hundredth of the time. All I know is if those guys had been wrapped up

in ratchet straps, we would have went down there. They'd still be perfectly intact. They kept their bodies completely. So again, the accidents victims were killed from the intense ocean pressure this week. What is the US Coast Guard going to look into? Yeah a bunch of retards put themselves in a fucking metal castle. I don't even know why they did this. What a waste of time and money. No one cares. It's funny. It is funny. There's a bunch of garbage down

there. No one fucking cares how it happened or why it happened. No there's no reason to investigate this. What happened happened an idiot built the thing Yeah The thing didn't wasn't good when a guy goes over the one those guys used to put themselves in barrels and go over Niagara Falls Return put himself in a barrel he went over the falls and now he's dead. What do you mean? I don't need to waste tax dollars investigating it retards die all the time. It's not that big board I think that's what it is. I think the Coast Guard has nothing tax dollars investigating it. Retards die all the time. It's not that big a- They must be bored. I think that's what it is. I think the Coast Guard has nothing- there's all the investigators

sitting around like, well there's no fucking other shit to investigate. Yeah, we can't investigate the drugs, so let's just investigate this. Let's find out. Let's put it on TV. Anyway, Ratchet Straps is currently number 758 with- Wait, that was a problem of Ratchet Straps? Yeah, you put it as a problem. I should have put Ratchet Straps or too hard. Yeah. Fuck! Well, you put it as a problem. I should have put ratchet straps are too hard.

Yeah. Fuck! Because it's- Well, you know what? Vote it up anyway. It currently has 325 down votes. It's actually a negative problem. Well, vote it down then, I guess.

I don't know. Just go vote one way or the other. Because yeah, ratchet straps are clearly a solution. Definitely vote it down. I should have put that they're too hard. Yeah. Damn it. Well, you screwed yourself.

My brother-in-law had some. We went to the lake, you know, and I was helping him pack, yeah, that's bothering me too. I was helping him put stuff on his car, and his car was, he's got top of the line everything. His ratchet straps are like, they have like a fucking, like a gaming console on them. Like it was like a full hand, it was like a hand held thing that you could you could pull and crank oh man and I just said you I'm not doing this I don't want to learn a new form of ratchet strap. I would think that would have been fun and exciting no because it just makes me feel poor and cheap like I'm not learning

these. Wow there's always that. Anyway guys don't forget vote it up head to the website biggestproblem.show vote on all the problems. Yeah, oh yeah, whoops. Don't worry about it. And I'm the winner. Yeah! Biggestproblem.show season 2, 2 internet dads, you don't have to choose, how about Patreon? You don't gotta be thrifty, cause they're splitting that trademark 50-50. 50-50.

Video's gonna kill your whole family. Dead. He's gonna do it without stepping on your property. Fuck you. He's gonna sell you a pager in Milwaukee, talking and get your mom blown up like Hulker. Two-head dickheads think that they're the only fans, but M&S is the only one. Fuck you. Fuck you.

Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Kill your whole family. He's gonna do it without stepping on your property He's gonna sell you a pager in Milwaukee talking and get your mom blown up like HOT CONTUNE! Dickheads think that they're the only fans but M&S is coming out of Vito's stand

I make better jokes and I got better rhymes I'm not shaving your shoulders cause I don't have the time So fuck all the dickheads I side with Vito He's a certified freak, hypothetical Pito I think he's getting better but he's gotta learn That his tiny flat ass has a cheek to turn Always making fun of the fake ozempic Finasteride is making Richard stick limp always going on with

Yeah 10,000 Dicklamp we got more patrons than a than the good thing Carl mr. Hamlin out blown out mr. After all you guys and after all his attempts to destroy us with his cringe of the week segments Looks like that cringe of the week is the cringe of the Millennium you dumb motherfucker. It's the fucking era biggest problem Carl Cringe of the weakness you moron I like that good. Hopefully all that is take it to him. We love Carl. I love Carl I got a little trouble with Carl. I don't think I'm in trouble. He knows I'm razzin' him I don't think I'm in trouble. He knows I'm razzin' him.

Ooh, another video about air and em, what's the air and em hole for? Alright, anyway. AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, I'm just fuckin' with him. I like the air and em hole drama. Well, it's falling off though because he can't talk about, uh, any girls anymore, because he'll go to jail. Yeah. So his whole channel is, uh, yeah. I haven't been paying attention to it either. Alright, Dick. Well, speaking of women that you can't talk about, and you know, here's a common problem that I think some people might run into. Or at least it's a problem in your head, you know?

This is something that's always on your mind. You know, is you're with your wife, you're with your girlfriend, you know, she starts mouthing off, starts saying, questioning you. Is this happening to you? I'm just, you know, just hypothetical. Hypothetical, you know, she's like saying shit, acting like a bitch, you know? And then you walk away and you come back and she's dead.

And who knows what happened, anything could happen. All you know is not- You're leading with this problem? All I know is now you got a dead lady in your apartment in your house or whatever else, right? Well, I wouldn't want anyone to come see that I'm just saying, you know, it's a scenario in your head You go, you know, obviously you walk away you come back some sort of spontaneous death that maybe happens. Yeah, okay Somehow a gun, you know Happened to a lot of guys like that Blade Runner guy remember that Oscar Pistorius Yeah, yeah, you shot his girlfriend through the door. No no no he just went out blade running and I came back

Okay, dead bitch in this apartment. What are you gonna? Do okay? So you're in this scenario you've done that central Park five I'm not think sure whatever you've done there beating and raping and then somebody happened to be raped. Somebody, yeah. Something happened. Point is, you didn't do anything wrong, but you got a dead bitch in your apartment. Okay? And that's the problem is, disposing of a- I don't know, when you say bitch, it just doesn't hit the same as when guys with like girlfriends say it.

I was keeping it in a playful jaunty tone. Yeah, okay. Alright? The problem I have is disposing of a body. I was keeping it in a playful jaunty tone. Yeah, okay. Alright. The problem I have is disposing of a body. Okay. Okay, this is a problem that though you may not have faced it now. You might.

You might, and it is a big problem. Disposing of a body is a very tricky and delicate situation that you would hope would be easier. You play video games, you shoot should be easy and he just disappears or you can push him, you know in a Endless chasm and he just falls off screen instead here. You have to actually do something about it and it's a nightmare It's not fair. I don't think it's a nightmare though. What do you mean? You think it's very well? Yeah, I think I think it would be easy just bury them. Yeah, okay So let's say let's say you you had a dead body in your right is the FBI about to come in I you meant perhaps the end of blow you have neighbors. You don't have any like fenced in anything Wait, what you can't I'm saying you can't go in your backyard and start digging a hole without somebody

Desert okay, so you're gonna put the body in a truck you're gonna drive out to the desert or whatever Yeah, yeah, but then you're traveling around you got a body in the trunk. It's gonna... Look, I've got all the prad- let's go through the prad falls real quick. What do you mean? That's- that's pretty simple. What's your plan? No, no, no, no, no. Look, okay, cause first of all- How often do you think about this? All the time, every day. All the time?

Every time I see a woman and her disgusting bones, I think about how I can dissolve them and get rid of them. Are you going for two women problems to see? This could be for anything. Okay, maybe you kill your drug dealer. I can end up like a maybe there's this little snitch retard It keeps telling her when you gave him drugs. You got to kill that guy's he shuts his fucking mouth, you know There's all sorts of different reasons. Okay, you got to kill somebody. Yeah, okay But here's the problems you're gonna run into obviously the smell the body starts to decompose you're gonna break down of tissues. Yeah smell is bad Yeah, not to mention fluids. Okay, sure you get the body in the trunk, but you've just dragged a bunch of fucking blood It's all on the pavement. It's getting in the truck Okay. Well, you know you're gonna have to deal with it. It's that doesn't just go away. There's DNA and trace evidence

You're gonna have okay. They're gonna search your truck. They're gonna find hair cells. There's DNA and trace evidence. You're going to have, okay, they're going to search your truck. They're going to find hair cells. They're going to find skin cells. They're going to find everything. Yeah. Okay. Let's say you put it in the desert. You think you've disfigured it beyond repair. You've got bones and teeth. Yeah. I don't think the cops are this good though. I mean, I don't think they're like sending out the crime lab. So what do you mean? Take your, I don't think they're like scanning your truck for like

missing teeth and stuff, like CSI. Well, if you kill somebody, they will swab your truck, looking for blood and shit. Nah, I've seen the first 48. They don't really do anything. They don't do that in the ghetto because they're like, oh, another fucking hooker died. What a fucking shocker.

Well, who am I killing? I assume a white lady. I don't know any white ladies. OK, well. My mom. Yeah. I'm not killing her. I don't know any white ladies. Okay. Well my mom Yeah, not killing her. Let's assume you killed someone that the cops care about that's another part of this problem Okay, if you kill it your wife you kill a drifter or a hobo fine. You might be fine. Yeah, I think I'll be alright Sure, you killed a cop's wife. That would be a bad time. That would be very bad Another problem you're gonna have is access to tools. Look, you got a shovel. You wrote this down? Do you have a shovel? I have a couple shovels. Yeah.

You can't get like a backhoe back there. People aren't gonna see it. What do you mean back there? In my yard? Yeah. I think I could dig a pretty big hole. With a shovel? In a couple hours. Yeah, with a shovel. What are you talking about? Digging a hole takes time. You gotta go pretty deep. And this whole area is coyotes. They're gonna dig that thing right back out if you don't fucking- No, yeah, they won't dig it out.

They will smell the meat. They'll dig at it. It's gonna be rancid. They don't care. They're fucking coyotes. They eat fucking shit. And of course, one of the biggest problems, Dick, is gonna be the emotional toll where the act of disposing of a body comes with significant emotional and psychological stress.

I was reading a recent one where a guy killed his girlfriend and he was like taking pieces of her and putting her in the blender and I go, Oh, yeah! I want to go I think I would have trouble with that, you know, just being like, Me too. Let me just cut the hand off and oh, oh, oh. I feel like one would be like, alright, this is a dumb idea. Hahaha, this is not working idea It's not working yeah

I've got an empty septic tank in my driveway. I could fill that thing with bodies Well there you go. I could probably fit a hundred bodies in this baby Well that's what's important is you need to have a plan going into this guys You don't want to be caught. The problem that always happens the reason people get caught is they're not forward thinking So what's your plan? This is my this is my chance to tell you listen if something happens at least you're gonna have a baseline to under you're not gonna freak out go oh just I'll go throw it in a public park and you know like fucking RFK oh I got a dead bear I'll just put it in fucking

Central Park which did work surprisingly. I don't know why that worked. Well no one really gives a shit about a dead bear. If it was a lady it would have been a little bit more of a problem. Well you might look, Dick, at some of the classic killers across time. Of course, there was John Wayne Gacy who put them all in a crawlspace. And he killed kids? He did kill kids. He buried them all. Well, and teenagers, you know. Across the... Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaàààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààà Yeah! Okay. That was John Wayne Gacy who uh, a lot of these strategies, here's what I've really learned.

Well what's the winner? What's the winning strategy for getting away with murder? Well the great one was Robbie Willie Picton who was a Canadian serial killer who had dismembered the victims and he had a pig farm so he just fed them to the pigs. Worked out great. Everyone's seen Snatch now though. Yeah I know. You can't do that anymore.

I feel like you're copying the movie. Probably the biggest winner though. The guy, and this is probably a top tier strategy, would be Santiago Meza Lopez, a member of the Mexican cartel. What's that? The Pulitzer, the soup man. The soup man, that's correct.

Who earned $600 a week by submerging cadavers in a tub filled with acid and sodium Hydroxide stir the bodies for eight hours deliver thing, but the teeth nails and some bone fragments dissolved So he was just making people into soup And he only got seems a little he only got caught because that soup just was terrible and they said isn't that good soup? Yeah, that seems like a Mexican and that whatever was left would be burned and buried. So here's here's what I've Doing some research here are the three best options that I think I've found for disposing of a body. As you say, yes, burying it very deep in the middle of nowhere is pretty good. The problem you're gonna run into, it's better.

The problem is you have to do physical labor. Shut up, it's not that. Stop making this into a Vito's too fat to get rid of a body problem. Well, that means I'm digging a fucking hole! But you have to be rid of a body problem. Well, that'd be hitting a fucking hole! But you have to have access to a place you can dig a hole without being noticed! All the guys who dig a hole, okay, so like John Wayne Gacy, it's great because he had his own house. Like, if you're renting, you're kind of fucked.

Just drive out into the fucking desert. Dude, like, even in the desert, I mean, I guess, yeah. Yeah. Sure, drive out to the desert. Okay. And then clean the shit out of your truck or fucking spray it down with something to get all that evidence off of it.

But then they're gonna go, hey, where were you that day? And you're gonna go, I just drove out to the, yeah, I was drunk. Yeah. Come up with good alibi if you're driving out to the desert. Okay. You wanna bury it at least 10 feet down

so other animals don't get to it And if you're really smart dig 10 feet down put the human body Put a little bit of dirt back on top then about six feet down throw like an animal carcass down there Because then if the cops come and they go digging you ever heard of the decoy wallet It's kind of like that decoy corp. They're gonna find the decoy corpse with the drugs to the course different dog I think I just the fucking dead animal hole and then bury it. Yeah. Yeah layer them. There you go So it's always good another good classic one. Are you thinking about this stuff? Oh every day every time again every time I see a woman. I think about just kind of

Think you're joking but I believe you. I think about what her head would look like. What was that classic quote? Yeah, he goes, part of me thinks about loving her and holding her tight, and the other part of me thinks what her head would look like on a stick. Yeah. No, it's just like more like, you know. And you're quoting...

Somebody. Are you quoting the guy or the movie? I think it's the guy. It was, what's he, what do you call it? Ed Gein? No the guy it was what's what you call it Ed Gein? No, it wasn't a guy. Was it a guy? It might have been Ed Gein. Yeah, I thought it's not Dahmer Dahmer didn't say that cuz Dahmer didn't like ladies No, he only likes them. He only wanted to murder men so you can eat them and inject bleach into their brains What I didn't do it Dahmer did Are you into like?

This true crime shit not not specifically, but you know I know the big ones. I know Ed guy and I know Dahmer, okay Who else do I know I don't know I know Steve. Oh wait. He hasn't been caught yet The other one that is a classic you got to love the ocean get on a boat drive out in the middle of nowhere. For both of these, both the burying and the ocean, concrete is great. It's great if you can get these guys, put them in. What do you mean?

Like encase the body in concrete. How the fuck's that gonna work? Yeah, put them in a plastic container. And fill it with concrete? Yeah, and then fill it with concrete. How much is that gonna, how long is that gonna take to the concrete? Yeah, well, I'm gonna carry around a what a 2,000 pound coffin How are you gonna throw a brick of?

Human sized piece of concrete into the back of a truck you could get it in there. This is why people get caught Stupid plans like I know is that a guy did in case the body in concrete and the corpse sniffing dogs can't sniff it. Because the whole thing is encased in concrete. I don't think that's accurate. That's what happened and when I was reading about it, they put the body in concrete and then they fucking buried it in the backyard. And it was back there for like, the only reason they found it was because the fucking girlfriend. You also got to kill the girlfriend. So dig a Oh, mix concrete. That's a lot of concrete. You're gonna you're gonna go to Home Depot at Two in the morning. Well, you know what you do 20 bags to worry you do have to mix

Pre-mix by the concrete first of all buy it with cash because a lot of these guys get caught with the receipts man Yeah, yeah, what you got a receipt for a backhoe on the day after the sky went missing? It's like, you know, I just like digging fun for me But you know the mafia would do the concrete shoes The only problem is that the the flesh wears away so then the guy's not wearing concrete shoes anymore You gotta do like the whole body. Well, you can't dump it right off of a harbor like the mafia No, no, you gotta go you gotta go deep out in the ocean and try to wait They should have like a game where you you have to dispose of a body

Yeah And they got to find it and you see if you can get away with it That would be a fun game Sam Hyde should do that for fish tank like give a bunch of people a body Yeah, 50 people a body who can hide it the body, you know, yeah Yeah, who can hide the pig corpse the best there each color-coded or whatever else and you have a team of investigators You can you know, yeah sniffing dogs running man That's pretty good man. Sam Hyde must get like the worst ideas

Constantly thrown at him. Yeah after fish tank. I'm sure and like that she goes with them like bitch tank Well, I don't know what that is. That's he did a lady themed season that nobody liked. Oh, they didn't like it Yeah, I was like a mid say they like cut it early for some reason. I didn't I didn't like it? Yeah it was like a mids. They like cut it early for some reason. Women are tough. I didn't watch it. Women are tough. Well the best thing you could possibly do, oh you may have seen on Breaking Bad where Walt used hydrofluoric acid to dissolve a corpse, do you remember that? Yeah and it like ripped through the ground. But Dick, why is he using an acid when he should be using a base? What you wanna do is get a bunch of fucking lye. Get a big oil drum, fill it with lye, and if you get it up to boiling temperature,

if you light a fire under it, you can dissolve a body in about three hours. Okay. All right? So what I'm saying right now is if you, first of all- You're gonna do all the, you would just, like, get tired. And shop for cars on the internet. It would be, we found the guy with a body right now is if you first you're gonna do all that you would just like get tired and Shop for cars on the internet. It would be we found the guy with a body that was on the couch

and like a search history that went from how to get rid of the body to like Star Wars. Well, did you uh, who is that guy? What was the podcast where one of the guys who listened to the podcast assassin or whatever and you remember this? No, they killed podcasters? No, there's a guy who we know and I forget what podcast it is, but it was a guy- Carl? No. Maybe it was Carl. One of Carl's fans had a body in his freezer. Yeah, yeah, okay, so it was Carl's fan. So one of Carl's fans killed his girlfriend

and then instead of disposing of the body, just left it in the basement under a pile of clothes. I get that because you got the sub-zero you throw her in there yeah you say all right I'm gonna figure out how to do this I'm gonna figure out what to do about this eventually and then you just kind of forget about it right it's like that arcade machine I bought that I keep going I'll fix that monitor board eventually yeah this is unfortunately is a corpse I actually started collecting because that guy, because you bring up like all the goofy shit you're doing instead of the disposing of the corpse. Yeah. I have recordings of that guy's Twitch channel where he's just

speed running Mega Man. Which one? With a corpse in his basement. Yeah, it just seems like something you can do. He's playing Mega Man 2. Mega Man 2? I think so, yeah. I thought it would have been a weirder one. That was one I did want to make a YouTube video, the Mega Man murderer, the guy who was Twitch streaming Mega Man as his girlfriend's corpse dissolved in the pit. Don't be that guy! You gotta take action quick, folks. At the very least, at the very least, take her in the bathtub, cut her fucking wrists and tendons, and get all the fluid out of there because that's going to cause it to bloat.

You want to get the moisture out. Not if it's frozen. Freezing is good. Yeah. There was a mafia time in the world. Well, there was a mafia guy, and that was his whole thing. He would freeze the corpses, and then he would ditch them in the middle of nowhere.

So when the cops found them, they're like, oh, this guy died yesterday. And they couldn't because it's slow decomposition. They completely threw off their timelines. That's smart. Yeah. OK. They're like, oh, shit.

He almost had it. He had a good plan there. Mega Man, I like it. Mega Man, no. That's full head. Don't relax and play Mega Man. I think I, you know. All right.

This is a very morbid problem. Don't forget about the fingerprints and the toe prints and the teeth. That's a big thing. So I would say just cut the fingers and the toes off. Those you can easily get rid of that. Just go to like a Taco Bell and then leave them in the trash can.

They're not gonna look through that. They'll smell like taco meat. Teeth, you can just knock them out with a hammer. Disposing of a body, it's a big problem, guys. Vote it up. And be prepared. Go get an oil drum now. Go get some lye now.

Get the concrete, because you don't wanna have have... Just bury it. After the po- Okay, fine. Just bury it. That's dick's solution. Freeze it. Bury it. That's smart. Lye. Oil drum full of lye. Dysposing of a body. What? It could be a problem. I mean, I really want to do it.

It would be fun. There should be a challenge. Like, that should be the game shows. That's a good game show. You're right. Yeah. The game shows should be like, escape to Mexico. Can you get to the border before we find you? Yeah. Can you actually get over the border? Like, without getting caught. Like Running Man type of game show.

Whoever gets to the border without getting caught first. Whoever gets to the border without getting caught first. Fuck. You know? They're heavier than you think I don't know why there haven't been any good Escape from prison like fucking game shows because people just like to see fat people talking about Relationships as it turns out that's all that they that's all they want to see on television No kind of anything else well they like women like all the true crime shit Well aren't there like channels? That's all the true crime shit They don't want to see a bunch of guys like being jackasses about it though and ruining it

They might take it really make the women do it make the women pretend to be a little serial killer fucking things and they can See how hard that would be that would be fun Let's get a bunch of women be like all right time to chop up this body like all those fucking videos you watch This sucks, uh, okay My problem I got a follow-up disposing of a body Yeah, mine is is it is it turn the AC up or is it turn the AC down? mmm That's too cold. What do you say? I?

down. It's too cold. What do you say? I would say turn it up. Can you turn the air up? Yeah, turn the AC up. But you don't know. You don't know what they're gonna do. Because up indicates more cooling. Turn the AC up. Hey, can you turn the air up? Does that mean you want colder? You want the more power from the air conditioner, which means cooler, or do you want me to put the temperature up, which is effectively limiting the AC? Yeah.

Right? Well, the reason is- So then you gotta- Yeah. We've been dating for 10 years, I still don't know. We still haven't- What she's gonna do when you say turn up the air? Turn up the air.

She doesn't know either. Turn the air up. So then you end up saying I'm cold I wish I turn the air up warmer Yeah, the air warmer and you sounds it sounds so here's the problem that the companies have made this all complicated because instead of like Words that mean anything it just says like medium cool. Yeah, like what is a medium? Oh cool. You mean what does that mean? Yeah, like what is a medium cool? What do you mean? Yeah, auto what? Mine has a button that says like eco. I have to turn that off. That fucked everything up. Yeah They're like, oh eco shit. They're like, oh shouldn't it cycle to like save power or whatever? I'm like, no, just blast the shit out of me forever. Dude, the number. Yeah, put the number in. Yeah, it should all be number-based

When they put the when they put eco on that's when it started veering away from what I want. I had to get another, I have three air conditioners and I hate all of them. Yeah. Yeah, they're all bad. You have three what? Wall units? Window units, yeah. Oh yeah, okay.

Yeah. And I don't know how they work and I don't know what they mean and then I'll turn it on max cool, and I'm like well, maybe I want man. I remember having those Medium cool and then I could never go back to I'm like why is there anything else other than max cool and why does max cool? Still have and well then it comes out of my school, and I go can I get my truck has max cool? I want more than max cool though max cool feels like a lot And I have to use max cool before you anything else it's like anything else human and swampy like all right But it's just one thing over and by one click over It's between like nothing and like blasting the shit out of you all right

How do I get like a no way there is? There is no halfway. You can't be half Max Cool. Fucking Max Cool. Are they doing pranks on us with the Max Cool shit? Why why can't it just like explain what- we gotta- man we gotta figure it out. Why is it Max? Turn air up. Tell me exactly what it means. Yeah. Tell me what it means. Give me some more air. I have to say it every time like I'm fucking autistic too. Even though I know it's not gonna be received, in my 40 fucking years we've still not taken time to go Okay, everybody, sit down. I really need you to understand that when I say turn the air up, I mean make it more cold. Because I know that won't work. No one cares, no one's gonna remember. Yeah, I guess I don't have this problem as much because all I have is Low Cool

and Max Cool. And you don't have anyone to shout it at. Yeah, I don't have anyone to yell it at. I yell at my cat, Hey, turn it to Max Cool. But it's just already on Max Cool and it's gone. When they're women around, it's the most thing that you'll talk about. It's how cold or hot it is. And that it's not satisfactory.

And then you guys have a big fight about it. You walk away, is yeah and that it's not satisfactory and then you guys have a fight about it you walk away you come back she's dead what are you gonna do yeah actual body actual problem this is a real problem it's not it is mine is it's a real problem because you feel stupid doing it every day turn the air turn the air down you want it you want the temperature down or how do you not know? Your problem is just a prelude to my actual problem, it sounds like. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's arguing with the girlfriend. Okay, well that's my problem. Turn the air up or turn it down? The people in my audience take action and then that action gets them. We gotta pick though. Turn it up. We gotta pick. Turn the air. We have to pick.

Turn the air up would mean give me more air. What if Trump comes out with something? He's gonna come out with Trump cool. It's the most- Get that air going. Hey, let's get that air going. That's what I'm gonna start saying. Hey, let's get that air going.

And that means obviously make it more cool. Let's pump the brakes on that air. If I said crank the AC- Crank the AC. Crank the AC. But then they're gonna go up too high. Too hot, too cool? Yes. Obviously, they're gonna go to Max Cool.

They're gonna go to Max Cool. I want Max Cool. Ahh... What is your idea? Do you ever not want Max Cool? I guess sometimes it gets a little too cold. And then you're stuck just complaining about your own temperature, which is I'm too hot. So then you're like passive aggressively

communicating for them to Turn the air colder, but and that's not effective. That's gonna breed resentment And this goes into every single time this comes up all of this all of this is squished into this dilemma like a neutron star Why don't you just sit down with her and have a discussion saying? This is what I would like, but I don't know what to do. This is how I would like this to flow to the air. I don't know what words to use. That's what I'm telling you.

Crank the air doesn't work because it's too much. Yeah. Activate the air doesn't work. Just look her in the eyes and say. Because it might be activated already. Hit me with that max. Hit me with that max cool. The only way to do it is pass the best.

Hit me with that medium cool. What do we have? Are we at a medium right now? We're at a medium. Give me a medium high. Give me a a medium. Give me a medium high. Give me a medium high. Give me a whole back and forth then. I'm sorry you have to talk to the girl. This isn't talking. It's just ordering.

You can always just blow a hole in her head and that's a solution in itself. Okay, what else you got? I have a very exciting problem involving food. Huh. Okay. I have a very exciting problem involving food Okay Dick I were a guy named mr. Beast You're another sky you see The guy named Logan Paul who actually in ksi I will say Logan Paul in case I make this prime energy so you like that poison. I like that poison. Okay

but it's Because this is not look you talking about mr. Beast Lunchables and talking about mr. Beast Lunchables problem. I have called influencer slop Mr. B's Logan Paul and KSI is that it's over here Can you put a there's no you put an influencer? Can you put an influencer consumable in this influencer lunchbox? That's different It always is this is not their first foray into the food and drink Oh, sorry the so mr. B's Logan Paul and KSI will be collaborating to compete with the Kraft Heinz lunchable meal kit Yeah with their own

healthier With the Kraft Heinz Lunchable meal kit. Yeah with their own healthier Offering called lunch Lee you see they changed the sodium to electrolytes Yeah, that's very my judge is happy about that that he came up with that meme and then it really happened I look at all these electrolytes motherfucker. Those weren't good in the movie No, their audience is too young to have seen Idiocracy so he can get away with that their audience's parents are too young to have seen Idiocracy so he can get away with that shit. Their audience's parents are too young to have seen it. Yeah, that's bizarre. This is not any of these people's... 400 milligrams of electrolytes. This is a lot of fucking electrolytes, bro.

Well, we're gonna watch that video. This is not their first foray into the food and drink business. MrBeast, of course, has his Feastable Chocolate Bars and Paul and KSI's prime energy drinks are available nationwide I drink Ava get to watch the kids shit them out. Is that part of the contract? Wait, which one's Ava? Chris. Oh, sorry. They have a million different names Ava, Chris, Tyson. No, there's like two. Alright Hold on not this one. I have No, this one here. So this is a lunchable with lunch. You want to watch this? Yeah, let's watch this So this is them comparing they're saying

Okay, so here's here's let me all these three pieces of shit. Let me nail down. Where's the Taliban on this one? I don't care if you sell an energy drink. It's an energy drink whatever you know it's a no why whatever I Mean they're all we know this is not healthy for you, and it's stupid and whatever else It's the idea that like you as an influencer who is watched by and also like kids are not buying fucking energy drinks, right? Oh, you have a big. I saw you talk about childhood obesity in regards to this. Well yeah, I mean like, it does kind of go against their like good guy image to be like, well everybody else is selling shit to kids, why can't I sell shit to kids? It's a little bit better. It's not a little bit better for you. It's really not a little bit better though,

and that's what we're going to talk about. Okay. Alright, so this is, here, can we get- Double the amount of liquid. Prime has no sugar added. More electrolytes. And more B vitamins. Alright, more electroly added more electrolytes and more B. Vitamin. All right more electrolytes So it has more sodium. Yeah. Yeah, so all of this shit is just loaded up with a bunch of salt for kids It's for kids. It's got like that shit electrolytes. Yeah. Well, they're not gonna eat healthy stuff. So make it a little bit better

It's not but it's not a little bit better. It's exactly the same. That's a little bit better It's got cheese and shut the fuck up got real cheese somebody also so it comes up Just cuz it's mr. Beast you hate it. That's all it's it's like the Lunchables comes with a Capri Sun If you look at the ingredients on a Capri Sun, it's like fruit juice water Whatever this fucking prime energy drink has more fucking garbage in it. This is a Capri Sun is fruit juice I don't think so. Yeah, a little bit of fruit juice fruit juice? I don't think so. Yeah, like a little bit of fruit juice. Fruit juice... fruit cocktail? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I'm saying that's the base, like, flavoring.

Makes a shit ton of water and, you know, sugar and whatever else. Uh, yeah, sugar. But at least it only has like ten ingredients. This thing is like... You're gonna say that Capri Sun is better than this shit? Yeah, I would say Capri Sun. I drank a lot of Capri Suns. I don't think so. Capri Sun is like... I'd be surprised by that. It's not great, but I think it's better than this fucking prime hydration shit

Okay, whatever. So you don't like it. It's got more electrolytes. It's got more electrolytes. Crunch bar! Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo And when it comes time to compare the chocolate bars, they have nothing to say because they know there's no nutrition in either chocolate bar It's exactly the same. It's better. There's better. No, it's not better. They're going nuts. Those guys like it Well, actually it's interesting because when feastables the feasible child bar first came out they did market it as a healthier chocolate bar Yeah, and I realized it was self-esteem because self-esteem right kids will make fun of you for having it But then they rise it was just cheaper to make dog shit chocolate and they got rid of the healthier thing and completely change the ingredients The chocolate bar so now it's just a regular dog shit chocolate bar with no nutritional value whatsoever You know come on these guys are just trying to make a buck

Our pizza uses real cheese Says on their box is mozzarella pasteurized prepared cheese product. They can't even call it real cheese This is anyone who's product anyone who ever does this thing I almost brought this in as a separate problem people who think the cheese product verse real cheese thing is meaningful in any way What are you talking about? Okay, so real cheese is Really go some deep lore There's no nutritional it's a cheese product that's that's not real shit It doesn't matter the nutritional value of each is equivalent. It's like cheese

Cheese is not healthy to begin with and she's cheese Okay, cheese product is taking cheese and just adding like chemicals emulsifiers and fucking uh wax and shit there's no wax you know no retard it's like emulsifiers and preservatives it's the exact same fucking nutritional profile and wait a minute nutritional profile it's just

cheese it's not cheese it's got a bunch of other shit in it it's like it's maybe it may be half cheese but probably not it's cheese a lot of it is in it. It's like, it's maybe, it may be half cheese, but probably not. It's cheese, a lot of it is that it has the emulsifying salts to make it smoother. So more sodium. But emulsifying salts are not like bad for you. And I don't know if they actually contribute to a higher sodium profile, but I guess maybe slightly.

Fido, real cheese is definitely better for you than fake ass cheese with preservatives and shit in it. Okay. How can you say that? How much American cheese have you eaten in your life? Who gives a shit? Okay? Not very much. I eat real cheese. You- oh, when you go to get a hamburger and they put cheese on you, Can I get a- I don't eat-

I don't want any cheese product! I'm afraid of cheese product! I don't eat hamburgers! I'll have like fast food once every other week. Okay. I'm eating sandwiches that I make myself that I get from the deli Cheese product made at home cheese product is just it's not it's neither of them is more nutritious than the other okay? Let's go chemicals not real cheese It's not gross It's not cheese. This is a? Yes it is! It's not cheese! This is 100% cheese!

Or if it's cheese food, it's at least more than half cheese. Cheese fucking product? I don't know what kind of cheese is in there. I will say that yeah, I think real cheese is tastier and fresher. It doesn't hold as long. That's why, again, that's probably why Lunchables uses fucking cheese product because it probably can last for another month or two. Well that's bad bad get rid of that Get some mr. Beast cheese. It really doesn't matter. It's just fucking American Okay, he's talking to us like nobody in the audience nobody in his audience eats American cheese

It's not even real cheese. No, it's not even real cheese Everyone your audience is children. Why is his real cheese or not? A Kraft single is fucking cheese product every kid in America. Is that what he has? No, but that's what's in the Lunchable. He has. What's in his? He's saying single is fucking cheese product every kid out No, but that's within the lunchable. He has what's in his he's saying his is real cheese Well, here's the thing is he's saying that about the pizza has real cheese Yeah, okay, but they also have another thing that I don't know if they're using real cheese is all of it real cheese Okay, the real cheese is in quotes Like the real Ghostbusters, yeah, all right. It just does not matter.

You can't say... It definitely matters! But he's saying it's a healthier alternative, and his reason it's healthier is, well, they can't even say it's real cheese. Because it's not. But it's not healthier because you're using real cheese versus cheese product.

Unless in your head, every chemical is the worst thing that ever happened. Emulsifying salts are great. They just make cheese smooth. It's good. It's processed. Emulsifying salts are great. They just make cheese smooth. It's good. It's processed. Emulsifying salts are not processed. Mush it up. You know, put chemicals in it.

If you want to make really good mac and cheese, you got to get those emulsifying salts. It makes the cheese smooth. A real cheese. We're also 30 less calories. 30 less calories. What a fucking, who cares? It's a fucking statistically negligible amount of calories.

30 less calories? That's a fucking rounding errorible amount of calories. Thirty less calories? That's a fucking rounding error. Okay, Vita, I don't know. Thirty less calories. It's got thirty less calories. Three less grams of fat. Three less grams of fat. You know these add up, right? Three hundred...

Okay, but none of it's got five thousand fucking pounds of salt in it. It's got twenty-five percent of your daily sodium intake. None of this matters. You lose a gram of fat. Well, how many of these are you gonna eat every day? I hope not... Just one. I'm not gonna have any of fat. Well how many of these are you gonna eat every day? I hope not just one. I'm not gonna have any of these. Twenty five. Two hundred and thirty calories. Twenty one grams of sugar. Only seven grams of sugar.

That's great! That's great! That's a huge- that's way better! Less sugar? Twenty one grams of sugar is toxic. It's not way better. It's fucking a third! You're still giving kids a fucking candy bar as part of their lunch dude. What are you eating for lunch? Not this.

Just close up. You can already tell which one has better ingredients. Yeah, that's the real cheese. I'm sorry. Disgusting. Alright, now we're trying Lunchly. Skibbity. That's skibbity lunch. We're not biased at all, but ours is way better. Siesta Nachos!

22 grams of sugar. 10 grams of sugar. 7 grams of protein. 9 grams of protein. This is way healthier. It's not way healthier, they're still bad. Well how much do you want? What should kids be eating? Just say we're selling the exact same slop as anyone else. Like stop pretending it's better. It is better. But they're just picking the places where it's better They didn't do all the comparisons of every single thing they're going. Yeah, this one has more protein, but ours has more salt There's no more whatever there's no way

It's gonna be as bad as Lunchables which have been like entrenched in shitty food for what 20 years. It's possible They're slightly better than okay. Okay, so you made a thing I I'm offering you a gun with six bullets to shoot your kid in the head and their gun only Has five bullets. What you're describing is literally the liberal platform. Sure less bullets. Let's pull it. No more. No more 12 round Versus whatever that is. Oh my god our nacho cheese. Now look this one They're just saying look our cheese looks better He's drippy bro. This is a lunch. Lee salsa right here look at the consistent and I guarantee that's not real amazing. That's fucking cheese I need to get some much. This is lunchables. This look it's watery

of electrolytes my Hundred milligrams of electrolytes super affordable go give it a four bucks Shit, man Hey, you shitting on lunch.es? On the Lunchley website, they make a head-to-head comparison, showing that lunchley is indeed lower in calories and sugar, and providing an electrolyte boost not present in Lunchable's Capri Sun drink. Ooh, there's not enough fucking salt in your Capri Sun. Yeah, that's bad.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha! That's bad. Let's fill that up with some salt. I don't like that. Uh... According to doctors, however, one of the major issues with luncheley is its sodium content. Like most processed food, a luncheley meal,

provides over 20% more of the recommended daily salt intake in just one serving. You eat one of these things, you're already 20% over your salt content. Kids, we see from studies. Per day. Yeah, for the whole day. Yeah. But that's lunch. Yeah, but that's lunch

Yeah, but you're gonna get more you get more salt any four more lunches a day No, but you're gonna have more salt later in the day. You're already 20% over How much salt are you gonna fucking have for the rest of the day kids? Your kid is gonna 20% over 20% total Over 20% of the recommended daily salt intake. There you go. That's fine. In one serving. Lunch.

I have 20% of something in my lunch. Lunchally meals are high in saturated fat, which can raise cholesterol levels and the risk of cardiovascular disease. And? In children? Well, I mean, since the vaccine, yeah, I guess that might be a problem.

Let's be real clear What is missing from lunch Lee? What do you not see in there? Which like a mascot? You know how there's that food pyramid a bunch of different things in there. Look is not in there. Oh you get bread You got a fucking cracker. It's not a single vegetable or like you can get vegetables You have to get vegetables get the fucking not gonna get vegetables. Get the fucking- put something in there. Why the fuck should Mr. Beast have to get them? Put dried fruit in there or something. Nah, that's gonna be full of preservatives and shit. Dried fruit? You put it out in the sun, you dry it. You don't gotta put a single fucking preservative in it. Yes you- yeah you do.

And dried fruit? You put like fucking- You can't just put a bunch of like apple jerky in there. You put like a little fucking sugar on it to preserve- there's been natural preservatives. Sugar. There you go. A little bit to lock it in. Salt is what they use. More sodium. More electrolytes. I don't actually know what you use for, but like jerky. You fucking, whatever. Now you gotta preserve it. No fruits, no vegetables. Well, Lunchly has offered slight improvements for like whole grain crackers and leaner meats. It still includes processed foods and added sugars. What is your problem? It's better than what kids are eating now. Poor kids, I guess.

Why do they want to sell Lunchables? To make money. Right. From kids. They're on it. Because they can't sell liquor like every other celebrity. So just say that. Yeah. That's it. Just say, we're making a lunch thing because it's fun. You went with like- We put us on the box because we're having fun. Don't go, you know, and it's a little better. It's a little better shut the fuck up. That was the your pitch for your comic It's a little bad a little better. Yeah, no my pitch for my comic. It's a little better than that was my pitch I think I'm having fun Having fun is the most important thing in the um Just you went with the the most retarded Reason why these this is a problem. Yeah, cuz it's like afterwards when this takes off

It's gonna be all about how mr. Beast is like a marketing genius Yeah, cuz his celebrities sold like poison to kids sugar to kids Infuriating every time I see Ryan Reynolds is a genius. He sold liquor to people. Oh, wow Heroin coming out. Yeah He's old shitty cell phone plans to poor people because he's a celebrity what a marketing genius I do hate I do hate when they're given huge. I mean basically it's just saying you want to be a food man It's just you know now Captain Crunch is a real guy and And we've had this before, Chef Boyardee was a real guy. Was?

Yeah, Aunt Jemima was a real lady. She was? Yeah. Who cares though, what do you mean? A lot of people don't know Chef Boyardee was a real Italian American hero. Yeah, they didn't have YouTube channels though. That's true. So what's your problem with them though? You don't like SpaghettiOs now?

Well, I don't I don't eat any of that chef boyardee shit now No, I don't have a problem with chef boyardee, but like he was not going out there going and you know You know doing it for the kids. I'm doing it for the kids. Are you sure? No, Kellogg was No Kellogg was doing it for the masturbators. Well, yeah help them out no more masturbating everybody was masturbating Don't think getting incrementally better food for kids is Incrementally better. I think they're just trying to sell their prime energy drink in their fucking candy bar the candy bar, okay Here's what this is it has to be better But it doesn't matter and none of that matters

It's all a vehicle to get kids hooked on the candy bar and the sports drink. That's the only reason it exists. They don't put fucking anything in there. They put fucking razor blade cereal in there. So kids don't deserve to eat candy? Like you're really one to talk about how kids need to restrain themselves from eating something delicious. The difference is the candy bar company doesn't have a bunch of smiling influencers go out there and heal the blind and then after healing the blind go Hey, I I really care about you guys so much. You know remember how I healed all those blind people now I want to help you eat right If I was a kid when I was a kid having a lunchable was the fucking bomb man scooping that shit that Yeah with that little red stick. I know and then when they changed that stick was like ah this is a this is dog shit

I'm done with this But I had that that eight month period where that was a fucking amazing still have a red stick No, they changed the stick they changed the stick in China, and it was different I never scooped the same was always a little You're you want to remove that experience from the lives of children who love these fucking weirdos And they've now they get to eat something And think about how much they love them and it looks good It doesn't look busted like lunchables looks fucking delicious, and you want to take that away from them

It's just so funny that everybody goes god that mr. Beast He just really cares about getting African people houses like that Does not care about Africa at all a guy in his boardroom said Maybe we could build some houses in Africa or some shit anyway He could just be transparent and go yeah, I only do this good guy shit to sell you guys trash But he does good guy shit. He does do good guys good guys shit because it like sounds good. You know How come you don't do it? How come you never do anything good?

Well cuz when I try everybody receives through it and sees how cynical it is so it's like well He doesn't actually give a shit If I told you guys oh, I'm running like a big fucking charity drive You go oh come on Vito. You wouldn't I tried one time. What'd you do? Is the wildfire or whatever but nobody watched the street? I tried to do like a charity stream Fire of what there's houses burned out. Well, there's like animals that were victims of the wildfire factory or something So whatever super chest I donated it to the whatever charity was handling that

We made like 200 bucks. It was not a big deal All right, so you're pissed that he's better than you at being fake nice No, I'm pissed that everybody doesn't if everyone understood it believes him Understood it was fake nice. I would have no problem. I go alright. We're all on the same page He does a bunch of balls. I'm gonna save bloody money. He made them see again people Yeah, you made them see again. You've not made one person see why don't you try to make one fucking blind? I'm gonna help one blind person Yeah, do it and then the whole time I'm gonna be mugging for the camera and say don't forget to buy a super killer the man

The man who's super yeah, but you can't you can't make one blind person see I fucking I I will bet you Yeah, you could in one year. You could not make one blind person see I fucking I I will bet you know you could in one year you could not make one blind person see Sight I can't do it. What does it cost to get a blind guy's sight back? So you're already like huh? It's too hard Is it one of those things though where they just got to like eat more of one fucking mineral and their shit will come back Yeah, that's what it is electrolytes. I can get rid of one guy's goiters. How's that? I'll do that. That's not as Cuz he got those goiters for I'm just gonna send him a thing of iodized salt and everything is gonna be great Not one per now. You can make one blind guy see

With all your looking all your complaining gonna look into it. Okay, my problem is You sold me on these things. I hated it. So I thought it was like a celebrity selling alcohol It looks equally tasty to a lunchable. Although that that a prime drink of theirs tastes like the energy drink is good That's the like Gatorade variant, which I think tastes like dog shit. Well, it's not poison probably. They're both poison. No Dogshit fuck it's not poison probably they're both poison no It's not poison fucking Gatorade drink. They're selling has like a million fucking ingredients in it Okay, I'm like delicious prime lemon lime This is fine. They're not I didn't buy this cuz it's healthy, but it's got a giant prime logo on it Like what do you think that is you're on stream drinking prime every day?

What do you think kids are seeing when they see that I gotta go buy cover this up good point. Yeah Credit card interest rates fine. Yeah How are those going I? Don't know why I brought this in Would you do I opened a credit card and they're like if you spend this much money in this many months We'll give you like 500 bucks. You didn't do it. I missed the window by like three days. Oh Man, I was like, why did I not just fucking keep track of this turning? They call that I got big into turning for a while got a bunch of airline miles, but then I started

Fucking up not paying attention. Yeah, I ended up with like six credit cards. They had to pay $400 exactly now I got to cancel the card because the card has like a hundred dollar a year Cancel it you just reduce it to the free one. Yeah cancel it. That'll fuck up your credit great And then they'll catch you out after a while. Yeah, I don't give you good stuff anymore Well, I fucked that up so credit cards, huh? I saw some jackass say I don't know we were talking about Kamala's Solution for black men. Yes. Just to give them more credit. More credit.

So they could buy more shit from white people, pay interest rates to white people. We really gotta give white people more free money. Yeah. Why? Why don't you just give them money? Not credit. Yeah, not credit. Not credit.

Fuck. That's fucked what you just said. And then I saw some other shithead I think it was I forget his name. He's a real piece of shit Peter Schiff always talking about gold. Yeah He said well, we can't we can't limit the profits credit card companies take They'll drive it. It'll drive them out of business Mike. Wait a minute You mean to tell me we spent all that time talking about like like, who's getting shafted and fucked over and stuff? And credit card companies charging... I wrote this, I wrote some stats for you.

Uh, the average, average APR is 23%. You're saying you want to limit the most usurious predatory companies on the fucking face of the earth from raping poor people with 23... Like, normal people are paying this. The worst thing... Not rich people. The worst thing about... Middle class people. Yeah.

And slightly poor people are paying this. 28%. 28%, 23% interest rate. You don't want to limit... we can't limit them in any way. Because they won't be able to let you pay with money you don't have and then call the government when you don't pay them and say, hey, this guy didn't the money can you go like arrest him and stuff fuck with him you know what really exposed like uh how evil credit cards are because you're giving them to people who don't understand the concept of money at all yeah did you see the uh tiktok chase bank glitch yeah that

was great where uh people were told, hey, there's this glitch. Check fraud. You're like, what's the glitch? No, no, no, Dick. It's a glitch. It's you write a check to yourself for thousands of dollars and then it shows up in your account and you withdraw the money that you don't have. Right. It's a glitch. Yeah. And then you went, no, you're committing check fraud check fraud stop And there was like pictures of lines lined up around the block Yeah to commit check fraud because they thought it was a computer error in their favor credit cards are really fucking those people over Yeah, and those guys don't know what APR means no at all there forget the breakfast question It's the APR you see that APR. Yeah. Yeah, can you explain to me what it means? No

It's like I get I get money. I get money and I give you the money back later There should be like a yeah, we should not just let anyone have a credit card How much how much you let balance you let them carry like a little bit? Oh, no pretty much the whole amount So there's no risk to us because we just send the government after them and you know fuck with their entire life Is that gonna lead so how does that not lead to like? Cuz cuz those people are never paying off that debt right the credit card people it gets sold But the subprime housing mortgage was like people were given loans that they obviously were never able going to be able to pay back can't forward So how's the credit cards not imploded in the same way if there's all these people just because they're not selling

Derivatives based on that debt. They just sell like they're not selling mortgage based securities You can't invest in the credit card. Yeah, you can't invest in if you could we'd all be completely fucked I Have more stats for you. You know, the credit card, credit score was created just so these guys could take more advantage. Who's most vulnerable to this shit. The remaining, oh yeah, let's see, okay.

60, 60% of card holders carry balances. 60%. I have never had a credit card balance ever. Me either. Cause it's insane. More than half of... Why would you? Right.

Yeah. Why would you do this? Yeah. What benefit... Well no, I can buy it now and then I can pay for it later. What possible benefit is society having by this, by half of people just sitting there? Becoming more in debt all of this fucking brain power we put into how are we gonna make you know? There's a school shooting every couple of weeks. How are we gonna stop that? Oh you half of people are just sitting there owing more of their life to a bunch of there's like weird like bankers

Yeah, I guess I want that I want to try and understand money from like a poor person's perspective. Cause you ever- Done. You ever- There you go. You ever lay away, which I think stores have gotten rid of mostly. Yeah. Where it's like, if you want this Xbox, but you can't afford it,

you can come in every week and give us $25 to hold on to until you've paid for the Xbox. Yeah. And a normal person goes, well, why don't you just let the money save up in your account? And then when you have enough money, go buy the Xbox. Yeah. And a normal person goes, well, why don't you just let the money save up in your account, and then when you have enough money, go buy the Xbox. Well, you want it now.

No, but you can't get it. When you get it on layaway, they don't give it to you until you finish paying for it. It just sits on the shelf. Oh, what? I thought layaway was. No. Layaway is you just pay for it over time.

Layaway is they have a layaway section of the store that they just hold an item for you until you've paid it off entirely. And then they give it to you? And then they give it to you after you've finished paying for it. That's bizarre It's super bizarre can't save it themselves. Yeah, basically it's people like I don't know Have you seen that they reversed it for credit? Yeah, it's you now We're giving it to you now and now you pay off the government company Yeah, I mean it's like the people go to rent a center and they rent their TV every week

You're like, what are you doing? Dude, stop fucking save up and buy a TV daddy legal It should be have you seen all the how is the fucking house? 23% legal. Yeah, and nothing else nothing else I can do is I can't go just you know kill someone So how are you being these guys able to it's very bizarre? It's crazy Well, cuz again, these are like Pete and it's taking advantage of people who I don't know if You've seen it's become a big listen. Yeah 2022 credit card holders paid a hundred billion dollars in interest How many people are even working at the credit card company because it always feels like an enterprise it could be run

It's about ten people Just make sure the cards are are active yeah taking in billions upon billions of dollars for doing nothing yeah let me see have you been seeing all the all the tick-tock influencers and it's like black women basically selling you elaborate piggy banks because the idea of savings is so exciting for these communities that have never experienced them before. Yeah. So they're like, here's something you can do! And it's like a gold fucking box and it's like you put five dollars in it every day, a week, and yeah, and it's like, and then if

you do that every day for a year you have a thousand dollars! We had one of those when we were, well I had a bunch of those when I was a kid where you put the quarters and shit in and it like goes Kunk kunk and it falls into the right one. Sure. That was fun. Yeah for being like a kid. These are less fun They're like they're like Inspirational dream boxes like the idea of putting money in a box is like so unfathomable to a generation that just grew up with credit cards They're like wait, you can put the money in a place and it sits there and then you can take it out later? That's crazy.

I thought you just had to be buried in debt forever. $100 billion. Just take it. Yeah. Right? I think they could still exist with zero. That would be fine. Who could exist with zero?

The credit card companies. I think they could exist with a lot less. Yeah, I think they could have less. I think we could crack with a lot less. Yeah, I think they could have less. I think we could crack down on their profits. So as long as, you know, we can't pimp women. There's a lot of money in pimping women and trafficking them for sex, but that's illegal. So why is this not illegal? So maybe Kamala when she says we need to give black people more credit. It's like why don't we lower their credit like interest rates. Yeah, why don't we lower their credit, like, interest rates?

Interest rates. Yeah, why don't we lower the interest rates? So you know, the same thing that the Fed gives for money. That would be fair. Whatever, just make them the same. Right? That would be nice. That would be nice.

That would help lift a lot of the people out of poverty. Well how are we going to pay private detectives to hunt people down if they don't pay? You don't. You guys don't. Yeah. So I think you'll be alright You actually sell that debt for like you know five for five cents on the dollar. It's crazy The amount of money they take in where it's just like yeah, you know There must be so many guys that they never get paid back or the guys to clear bankruptcy and they can just write it off

It's not stop calling me The average defaulted card is two grand Yeah, and it's sold for oh, yeah five cents. It is always interesting when you go Hey somebody stole my card, you know, cuz I've had that I think I've had somebody steal my card and buy shit on it Like a wild bang. Let's go. Yeah, it's cool. I'm like, what do you mean? It's cool Like you guys are out two grand and like ah This poor bastards paying 30% Now we'll just be able to get it back eventually there immediately

I don't know why no one cares about this care about everything else Yeah, hey make them stop doing that it is weird that like there was a certain point in time We're like talking about credit card debt was like it seems like it was a topic and now it's just kind of fallen off It's like we just accept like yeah, what are you gonna do? I was just you know debt now. We're just gonna rape all the poor people in the ground People who are completely financially illiterate and we will never tell them how finances work We'll just give them a free cash card and let them fuck up their lives Yeah, all right

That's my problem ever think about just running up a shit ton of debt and then just like leaving the country? I knew somebody who did that. She did it a couple times. Yeah. She did it on purpose. Yeah! That's the way to do it. Wildly, I mean, I don't know if it was illegal or not.

Yeah. How would she do it multiple times though? Do you have to change your identity or something? No. She run up shit loads of debt and then say I'm bankrupt I want to tie them in. Then you tell the creditors go fuck themselves Then she would start with a card that you got to pay you got to put money on first to start working your credit card up Back again, and then they would start giving you the intro shit

And then you could do it again, and she's like I have done that like three or four times. It seems like a really good scam, right? It seems really good. Yeah. Why is everyone, I feel like we're at a point in time where like there really are no good reasons not to do that. Yeah, cause everyone's doing it. It's like all the guys who have been doing,

they come to America, they take out huge loans to get their degree and they just go back to their home countries No, yeah, I don't give a shit. I got a bunch of debt in America who fucking cares Very smart. Okay. All right. So our problems are disposing of a dead body Influencers slop credit card interest rates and I forget the other one turn the AC up or down which one is crank it turn Yeah, you gotta crank it. All the, yeah. You gotta crank it! Alright. Max Cool! Let's do some... Guys, vote on all the problems at BiggestProblem.show.

Don't forget great bonus episode at patreon.com slash BiggestProblem and back dot buy slash BiggestProblem. Don't tell us about it if you cry. Let me know if you cried. Send me a private message. It doesn't make it better cause other people have said they cried, you still did it. I didn't cry

I could have cried not like a gang rape where you know God we were all doing it like no not as sad as Guardians of the Galaxy volume 2 I did cry at that and three three was the worst. I remember you were animals It just went through a so weird how he had that ship of all the little girls on it. Yeah, all of that movie was very weird. Which one was two? Two was the one where the blue guy dies in space. His dad.

Oh, with the planet and the Pac-Man? Yeah. That was fucking stupid. I like two. Yeah, okay. Okay. Here we go. Hey, Jack and Vito. Bonus problem has been the best episode of podcasts I've ever listened to. Ever. Fucking phenomenal, guys. But I wanted to give you some heads up on Blade Runner.

They're not actually robots. They're people that were born artificially. They just call them robots to disassociate so that people can treat them like shit. Because humanity needs slave labor, which is also why the Civil War... So they're gay robots. Go fuck yourselves. That was an awesome show. I really liked it on Six Price House. Amazing. Alright, alright. Now it's gotten gay. They're replicants.

They're robots. Well, they might be... They got completely organic. They don't have dreams. Well, they're humans with limited lifespans Like they're only supposed to live 30 years. It's a robot The can doesn't know the turtles flipped over can't say the n-word. You don't know about the turtle Yeah, I do. Yeah, what would you do flip the turtle over? Why cuz I feel bad because it's suffering That's what they don't they can't tell that shit

You're talking about you are obvious Children watch that and understand that scene Actually what that scene is trying to communicate yes it is and then they freak out because they can't they don't know what you're saying Kind of it's a little deeper than that Fucking deep Well cuz he's cuz he doesn't say what would you do he says I feel no It's a little deeper than that. Uhhhhhh... Oh, so fucking deep. Well, cause he doesn't say what would you do, he says- How you feel? No, he says you're not helping. Yeah.

And how does it make you feel? That's where the robot gets freaked out, cause he's like, why would I not help it? Yeah. He's not human. It's a robot. Well, he's literally asking him, what would you do if you didn't help a turtle for breakfast today? Yeah I did help a turtle Imagine that you're this now you're this fucking short-circuiting

Hi Speaking through me. Uh, I think I finally have to really disagree with Dick on the lingering holiday thing. Yeah, okay. I agree, like, you know, with like the dumb cunts usually that are like, That's my birthday week or my birthday month. Right, right. You know, fuckin' shit like that.

Like that's just, yeah, go fuck yourselves. Yes. But like, as an adult, up until my nieces were born like we would We would uh Celebrate Christmas, you know not necessarily on Christmas because we were adults We would have. I'm starting to feel like I'm at family Christmas here. It's a solid Christmas. Hey, boy, boy.

This is Orko Ronkonkomo. Vito has contributed some A plus toilet problems to the list, but we're missing one. Poop walking. Has this ever happened to you? You're on your toilet. Is this a voice? And you realize too late that you've run out of toilet paper. Ah!

The shimmy chef for the fetcher replacement. That's a poop walk. Yeah. When you think you've shit your pants in public and I said, clinch walk to the nearest bathroom and investigate. That's a poop walk. That's a poop walk. Dollars to donuts. Getting caught poop walking is the highest offense in polite society. They have to throw you in prison. If it happens at home in private, you got a stew in that shade. I've done it. You've done it. It's the worst. I have poop. I believe you. What you run

out of toilet paper, you go, oh shit, there's no toilet paper. I gotta, gotta shuffle off. Yeah. Ever since I got the bidet though, the poop walking has come doing in the past. Okay. I'm gonna come doing in the past. Okay Hi, I just wanted to call in and Just let you guys know that you're being a complete retard at the moment Wow, okay 25 seconds has come up with that Okay, great, great voicemail. Thank you.

There you go. Late night callers coming back from the bar. Vito, you are not part of a trans community. The only thing you're doing that trans is trans locating food into your stomach. Trans locating food into my stomach? That doesn't't make sense translocating You made it seem like it was a random guy. He's the first fucking guy you made?

Cause you show up in town and you land at the gas station and you go, hey welcome to town. Why would you think that he's in charge of fucking everything? Cause he gives you your fucking persona powers. I don't remember that. Ugh. Obvious. It's like the guy in Zelda that gives you the sword and you go back there wondering if he's coming back Well, he doesn't come back. So that's a bad comparison. You don't think you'd go talk to the gas station guys say hey Thanks for all the powers, buddy. I don't remember him giving me the powers if that's what happened. That's

You go to a different world a different guy gives you the powers of the gas station guy. Okay, maybe the last one here Hey, my biggest problem is fucking women on NFL Network Okay, like what the fuck is this man? I'm watching NFL Sunday getting ready for the games tonight and there's two fucking broads talking about I know Andre Stevenson man, like what the fuck is going on here? Like I white people don't go on DET and talk about how they were exploited You know what I mean? Like, yes, women have never played football.

OK, they've never played the fucking sport. So what gives them the fucking right to go in and talk about football? I don't fucking get it. Get them the fuck out of my goddamn TV. I do. I do. I don't understand why they want female sportscasters like why It made me feel differently about never liking like I've never liked watching sports. Yeah, I like doing them You know within reason yeah, but then they started cramming like women announcers on and I thought I think I thought I

Think this is not for me like I think that's this audience likes this. They wanna see. Do they? I don't get it. I don't know. The only female sportscaster I want is the one who goes on the field afterwards and acts like a giggly ditz as the quarterback tells her how much he threw the ball. You like that one?

Yeah, only on the field when she goes, oh my God, you're like so great out there. Why do you like that? Well, cause it's like it re-emphasizes his masculinity, you know? All right. This was sent in. It says the clip averse is always watching. This is Hey, Dick and Vito or current co-host. I know things are a bit tense at the moment, but I just wanted to say

I love the show and really hope we get many more episodes. I've enclosed the biggest problem in the universe sign I made for you guys. I did my best to future proof it by adding a removable co-host nameplate and including a blank one with a dry erase surface. Thank you for not killing yourselves. This is Popsculture. This is from Popsculture

who has done some excellent things for us in the past. So we've got this. Oh. He's a really talented guy. I know, and he has, I always feel guilty that he has time to make these wonderful things for us fuck I forgot to plug ray ray ray is happy to fuck

At the beginning yeah, we can talk about it now Oh wow so is that a dryer? It is that a chalk does it come with chalk so you can change out the co-host name whenever you want it, okay? There's these things this is made of wood no way like vinyl Wood this is made of wood no way like vinyl Would this is wood would yeah? Wow, he painted really well here is Parasocial perk pass I guess this is for you Wow Okay, so this I'm ever killed by some sort of elaborate Rube Goldberg device of like a dagger drops from a gumball machine

See that will be the man who made it. There you go Okay, and then it also pops out and you can replace it with anyone's name whoever comes along Once once Josh once Josh liquor, there you go Once one of you assholes takes my job. Josh wanted Josh and Carl wanted to come in dressed as you. Yeah, well, that's funny. I don't know if that I don't know if now is the right time for that.

I like those guys. There are also good guys. There we go. Yeah, we'll find room for we got to find room for the magic scroll. The contents of which can only be revealed on the bonus episode available at Patreon dotcom slash biggest problem Thank you pop sculpture Fuck oh that's behind you

All right, well I guess we're gonna do some super chats. I don't know if there's anything else going on in the world Ray Ray's told I was told no reviewed ice on to I that him a plug. It's not a plug Okay, I'm sorry I'm trying to remember what's been going on people turned on null because he said it sucks Yeah, and they're like what but you're supposed to say it's good cuz fuck dick and Vita. Yeah, he's like well it sucks No, it's really interesting Even people who like for some reason gave ice on one a pass they for some reason ice on two seems to be the turning Point for people where they go. Oh, I thought this was going in a different direct even we thought it was going in a different direction

It's very it's very easy to it's easier to not fuck up or to not appear like you're fucking up in the first third of your story, right, but then you have to start making- Because it could be going somewhere. Yeah, that's why I was real, I'm like, no, I know, this is fucked up, this is fucked up, this is, he's gonna fuck up the whole thing. But once you start having to make decisions and resolve these tensions or amplify them, your lack of talent becomes really painfully apparent.

Yeah. Noel also told people that I ask everybody the push-up question, and it's rhetorical. It's rhetorical It's not rhetorical you just should be able to do one push-up no no genuinely cannot do a push-up And that is that's that's the rhetoric. It's not rhetorical No, it's been a sad boy lately. He's he seems to be falling apart. I don't completely get it the push-ups I get is that it is that what it took to put him over the line gotta do you have to be able to do a push-up all right that's how it goes oh guys are gonna read your super chats now and you

know let us know if anything's going on Dominic for two says fuck Kuf Cardinal Cardinal for fives is we love veto and Kuf is here for a huge $50 oh thank you for not killing yourselves the dude chatteratters above me eat poop and our homosexuals. Vito's booty. You got it. Dominic for fives is an infamous poop eater. But Coof, you missed. It's below you. Yeah. I mean, it would be before you I guess. Well, Dominic for fives is as an infamous poop eater and a homosexual would say Coof, go fuck yourself. Commentillius for ten, after the past two weeks I've been waiting for the curtains to close around Vito, and he comes out and announces,

just kidding, this has been my performance of Eric July. You might have to wait more than two weeks for that, I think, Tillius. My black. Hazman again, Cuf is a pregnant twink. Question is, who's the dad? Hazman again, I take a grimace shake on a guy at four by four sigma style extra Quandale dingles

with a skippity light Ohio Greeks make it edge risen let it muse synthetic shinobi for 10 veto on your last PK appearance Kyle was talking about the Tiger King sequel about monkey barons and you're a bit about not being allowed to call them monkey people was genuinely hilarious. I forget exactly what I said but I said well we can't call them monkey people. I know he said why not I think it was like it's a show about monkeys Yeah, I don't know. I was making some joke and it got ignored. Yeah Yeah, got turkey sandwich for five dick and veto when they realize friendships more important turkeys know money's more important

Fucking idiot turkey sandwich for five. Please refund my last super chat I forgot I actually love when petty drama takes over a comedy show and ruins friendships. I'm canceling my patreon Do not diamond G for five, thanks for saving my favorite show and securing Vito in the realm of Piccatori. So we can make sure that his boink, that the boink comes oink. Yeah. There we go. J-Rob detailing for 10 euros.

Well done, lads. Cheers. Thank you, J-Rob. Pineapple Man for five, shout out Bag of Schmidt. Let's pop some Grilla Biscuits after baseball practice tomorrow. Ben Shaw for five Canadian Congratulations video you finally gave us Richard's pissy pants routine Richard you say timber incorrectly and shoe Kooloo Timbre I don't know. Glad you guys made up right dog for five

Unless you're fucking French, but I doubt you are where were you making that's a musical term, right? Yes, it's kind of like the the quality of someone's of a sound timber Timbre remember Jack. I don't fucking know nothing about music. Yeah Dick you've been saying you want to make music lately is that a thing we should do an EP if you want to do an EP of internet songs would be funny. Yeah, I would get writing songs quickly, so I'm good Music music but I can come up with fun... Just come up with the lyrics. Goofy lyrics.

Right? You could be Bernie Toppin, I'll be Elton John. Yeah. Which one was the gay one? I'm pretty sure both of them. Thank God, okay. Yeah, because originally Elton John would be like, fucking kill that little...

Look, like a song about, because songs are way easier to share than episodes, you know? Yeah. So people say, get the name out there. Well, if you guys got any good ideas for songs about internet. Songs like an aggressive song about like me, the singer having very thin skin. Yeah. Being on the internet.

I told you I was, I had started writing a song about discord moderators, you know? Exactly. You gotta stay away from those guys. No kind of, I'm a pedophile stuff. I told you I started writing a song about discord moderators, you know exactly Yeah, you know stay away from no kind of I'm a pedophile stuff like no mr. Girl stuff about being blackface or just normal comedy stuff never played blackface on here. I love Playing a guy girl knows a guy who happens to look black and look exactly like a mr. Girl, it's so bizarre that they look exactly the same and the guy's already lost a channel doing this this blackface Fayc right right right and they're but and then they did a song together. It's so crazy

They came together is that they connected. We're not doing any shit like that. It's just normal comedy stuff That is normal comedy not Sarah Silverman did blackface. Howard Stern did blackface. Are you Jewish? What's that other guy? Ted Danson did blackface. Everybody got real mad about it.

Because he's not Jewish. Yeah exactly, that was the problem. He thought dating Whoopi Goldberg meant you got to do blackface? Not enough. Not allowed. Maybe he was dating Harvey Weinstein. Zetta, Quinkzell for 10. Vito, you're our sunshine.

Our only sunshine. You make us happy when skies are gray. You'll never know dear how much we love you. Please don't take our sunshine away. Thank. Zetta, Quinkzell for 10. Vito, you're our sunshine, our only sunshine. You make us happy when skies are gray. You'll never know dear how much we love you. Please don't take our sunshine away. Thank you, Zetta. Vito's Cat for 10. Hey, Dick, could you check out Noodle Dude? He makes 18 plus music videos.

Sounds like a pedophile. You're trying to trick me into looking up. Camera on for five. Looking forward to the comic. Would you work on it for this week? Black Crimson for 10. I did work on it. I'm a patron for the Dick Show,

and now a patron for the Biggest Problem. After the wholesome episode, every time a wholesome episode is made, it's Chuck Dicks in my ass and everyone wants that Dick in Vito. Sorry. Black Crimson for 5. Also, thanks for the snacks and thanks for not killing yourselves. Cameron for 2. Really?

You can't color 2 Vito? Cardinal Cardinal for 3. We love Vito. We love Dick. Pause. Just, I've been for 5. Stuck to Vito. You can double your money by selling your shares of Biggest Problem to Maddox for two dollars.

I am taking bids on my share of Biggest Problem. Great, we're right back in the bullshit. Antoys for five, it's a hog-o-ween miracle. Hog-o-ween. Don't you have to wait until Halloween to make, I don't know. No. Uh, the show's been brought back to life stronger than ever through the magical power of the oink, but like an ank. Like an onk.

Lawrence of 85, subscribe to the bonus episode of mine as well, stay on board. Stick around, yeah, I'm wondering how many people are, I hope everybody sticks around. Sir John Amack for 30 Canadian, well you've both done it, made a great show, even greater. Cheers to you both, Vito, give us a TBF for old times sake. Well I should, I must, to be, I don't even know how to you both. Vito, give us a TBF for old times sake. Well, I should, I must, uh, to be,

I don't even know how to phrase it. To the fans, uh, you know, you've got to be fair to the fans. There we go. All right. I made it awkward and stupid. So that was terrible. Vito's fat tits for five. A blue whale butthole could stretch up to three and a half feet making the second largest a-hole next to Vito. That's what you get for that last hit! Sarah Gardner for five Australian. Thanks for the sugar overload last episode. Now I have the diabetes! Seriously though, I love this show. Don't stop, Vito. Please talk about more food. Well, you got me talking about Lunchables this episode. That which was a crazy take. It's just... I don't know man.

I saved all these blind people, buy my fucking Lunchables. It's like kids being a little bit healthier and you're like, It's not a little bit healthier, it's the same shit. It's not healthy enough. It's the exact same shit. It's a little bit healthier. You're still selling them a fucking chocolate bar at the end of the day. The chocolate's not the unhealthy part.

The problem is saving blind people just to sell chocolate bars You didn't do it because you care about blind people Just okay mr.. Poops normal produces. It's over boys Chris go feel for five I'm so glad mom and dad started stop fighting and broke the cave fuck you. I hope Riley stops his tortuous Yeah, there you go great chocolate noodle for five figures I hope Riley stops his torturous. Yeah, there you go great chocolate noodle for five figures You'd be even later after getting pain pain Mary gay married Craig VGS for two named the woman that gave up half his show To veto always me that I could sell for two mom and dad were so sweet in the fuck you Alex for five it made me sad to see how traumatized veto is that he couldn't even let his guard down enough to thank dick on

The bonus did I not thank you? You're not able to be sincere. Don't. I was sincere. It's just who he is. Why does everyone say that? You're not. You're not.

You don't have the ability. I really. It's not, I'm not knocking you. I think you're pretty great. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. You need to be sincere with yourself before you can be sincere with other people.

I am sincere with myself. I'm a big piece of shit man Fucking everything that doesn't mean me strategy to read the gorilla mindset by Michael Cernovich I learn how to talk to yourself and be good to yourself. You're the best you're talking to yourself or a gorilla man Why do all these why do all these manos fear guys? Why is it always the gorilla mindset the alpha wolf? What why are you all fucking animal people? You're all a bunch of furries. All this right wing shit is just furry shit.

At the end of the day, I got a wolf mentality, me and my wolf pack man, and we like to dress up like wolves and jerk each other off. If Stone Toss doesn't make that a comic, like oh you're here for the furry convention, I'm here for the right wing convention. I'm here for the right wing convention. I'm here for the right wing Manosphere convention. With all the wolves and the gorillas and whatever the fuck. I'm an elk. I'm a... Exactly, the Elks Club.

Yeah, the Elks Club. It's all furry shit the whole time. It's all furry shit all the way down. Wow. Yeah, it's very weird. Why are men addicted to being animals? It's a bunch of gay fucking shit. So, Terjury45, if you non-patrons missed the biggest problem in Ending's bonus episode, I'll just spoil it for you. It ended with Dicks in my ass!

And no one wanted that. Vito's Fat Tits for Two says, change the show name to My Gay Dads. FR8242 for Ten says, Oinktober will soon be upon us. I'm so glad to not be blocked anymore. Yeah, I had to unblock him after you said it was just a joke and you're gonna unblock everybody well i tried to unblock everybody and then fucking what do you call it excuses yeah yeah yeah yeah i said if i missed a funny joke it was pretty funny yeah because because you weren't planning on unblocking everybody clearly because they didn't get unblocked i was gonna do it and then I did do it but everybody fucking I missed a guy

What a guy right right right right right now anyway? Lane steel for five Australian long live veto. I'll just block everybody again. It's funny Coach cake for five look out veto. I'm right behind you away. You're a forgot. You're in dick's basement You're your personal private property or I currently am oh no a for 10 Canadian all aboard the veto bus direct line to dick being a total Maddox over an extremely male I won't say that said a queen cell for two. I got the worst of it Oh feel bad about I don't know what's happening to anyone Zeta for two says I held on the show started late and gay

Cole Markley for two veto congrats on the promotion. Did you pay dick you had a dollar? Oh, no you have to know where's your fucking checkbook? I got it. I have to calculate what I owe you I haven't run the numbers got time to goof around on Twitter I don't have any about childhood obesity, but you don't have time to find your fucking checkbook. I see like I'm It's only been two weeks like it's not not that I mean- Bonds dropped half of a fucking percent Since then That's a big drop It's not- you're not- it's not like you're owed like a million dollars that are like the bond market You're gonna suddenly make a billion bucks if you put this in it, alright?

I owe you probably what, like 20 grand? I need liquidity It's- I don't know Well, we need liquidity, sure k to the Swiss for 10 I need like no not we we have liquidity. I need liquidity all right look I'll just send you some money I just have to calculate it k to the Swiss for 10 where the fuck I just send the money first and then calculate it And then I'll send you what the I know all right. I'm sorry k to the Swiss for 10

Where the fuck's my signed copy of enemy weapon what not telling me preparing packs. I was on the seventh Oh, I'm sorry K to the Swiss for 10 where the fuck's my signed copy of enemy weapon What nots telling me preparing packages on the seventh? Oh, I definitely sent it If you're is your name Dilbert on whatnot cuz I sent it to Dilbert But if I missed you send me a message because you should have got it Yolanda Finkelstein for two says PP poo poo K to the Swiss for two says Vito did say he'd vote for Trump. Yeah, he did. Also, if you're in Canada, it's gonna take longer. I don't know if you're in Canada. Doc Nick for five,

you had me with that farewell bit last week, Vito, for like 10 seconds I was so sad, and then I died laughing. God, it's like, so much has gone on in like the last two weeks. I remember I read that little thing. Case man for five, Vito, please sell half your trademark to Maddox.

It'll create another decade of bonus episodes for TDS. Sir John and Mack for five. I think me and Maddox would do a great show though. Yeah, neither of you make content. It'd be amazing. You have one podcast every three years. You asked for it, I demand you to vote for President Donald J. Trump. Coach cake for five, live show in Phoenix win, I don't know. Brits man for two, Wiredick's hair pills working in reverse. I don't think they are. No, my hair's not going anywhere. Oklovich for five, Vito the obvious patron goal teaser is to roll around in mud in a pig pen of your own design

on film during a live show. Embrace the dead horse. Oh, it's a deader than hell. It's a dead pig at this point. I just broke up with my girlfriend a few hours ago. Vote up morning drinking and drug use. Also, ban all women. Congratulations, the rest of your life will be better.

Flutterdashie for five, 5 veto place shin Megami tensei 3 nocturne fuck is that it's a video game maybe I'll stream some video I'm thinking should I stream video games on Fridays after the show come on by actually yeah I should I don't know if I should stream them on this channel if I stream on the veto channel I always tell people to do a pre this show and after this show but nobody ever fucking does that. Yeah, it would be smart, we could raid you. Imagine the ratings would have been last week.

Everybody calling me a fucking asshole. It would have been pretty good. So I'll say this, after this show I'm probably going to get home, I'll go on youtube.com slash Vito2, that's TWO, and we'll play some Final Fantasy or something. So come on by tonight, we'll play some video games. Waza Kodaza for five, I like veto veto is funny. Thanks, buddy He betude for two veto didn't get on the scale for the scroll burn it. That's true Cardinal Cardinal for five. I looked at the biggest thing in the universe expecting you to be veto, but it was actually dicks forehead

It is big coach cake for five. You don't say the f slur or all say the n-word No, thank you adventure tim for five, youito, did you notice how Dick apologized last episode? You know, with authenticity, eye contact, and directness. That's how it's done, pal. I apologize for everything I've done. It's harder than it seems. Apologies are gay. Two for five, a message from Reckon.

Please, Dick and Vito, tell Abstruse to give me 800 bucks. Also, I'm a poor, brown Chilean. MTPO for five. Dick, don't let- Abstruse, give him my 800 bucks, man. Yeah, give him Give him his money. Yeah, don't let Sean know you're handing out Scrolls with podcast trademark ownership. He might get ideas. Yeah, how much trademark does Sean care about that gay shit? Yeah, how's Sean doing? I love that guy good. I gotta come by when we get it. We should all hang out We should go do something

Okay I We should go do something. Okay. I like hanging out with Sean. I only ever see him when I come over to break into your podcast. I only ever see him on my podcast. I know. I feel like I got to break in on the next one just so I can see Sean. FR8242 for 10 says, Dick, I own 30 pairs of shorts and I talk about them a lot. Yeah, good. Good.

You should. Trixie the Golden Witch for 5 says, 80 shorts will never let you down. Everything else in your life will. Well, good, good, you should. Trixie the Golden Witch, five says an 80 minutes. Shorts will never let you down. Everything else in your life will. Well, my shorts have let me down. Okay. I take it back. If you're a big boy, your shorts will let you down a lot. It's that drawstring, man.

It's those knots that are too tight. Vote it up. That drawstring. That drawstring. Trixie the Golden Witch says there will be an 80 minute perfect blue analysis premiering on the We Watch anime YouTube channel tomorrow at 5 p.m. Eastern time. Trixie the Golden Witch for president 2028. Guys go to Trixie the Golden Witch and oh sorry go to the We Watch anime YouTube channel for a perfect blue

analysis. You know I've never seen perfect blue. I doubt you have either but it's the kind of thing I probably should have seen by now K gone postal for two says n-word n-word n-word Dean shock for five says the best part is Carl's terrible takes does lady K get everything wrong on purpose. Thanks for the laughs boys. Who's lady K? Carl's wife no I Would assume lady K's would be Carl's wife. I don't know really Peter Hansman for 10 Canadian You guys should do a review of am I racist there were some funny parts whenever Matt tried to be an actual actor It was so cringe. Oh my god was 15 minutes too long

So you have seen this and I haven't if you go see it. I'll do a review if I watch it We can review it. You have to see it soon Yeah I'll save it for that That review then well, I will I'll try it for that review then. Well, I'll try to make time to watch it, maybe we can review it. But I just find that guy- It was like watching Matt Walsh fuck a corpse, kind of.

I just see clips of Matt Walsh and I go, this guy's not funny, so why is he trying to make funny movies? Because you have to see it to see how close they got to making something Good yeah, and then like why it's you know it's not like it's not like the prequels of Star Wars where everything was bad Yeah, it's like you guys almost you almost Nailed it and instead you made it so much worse see when I and it's really exposed yourselves Yeah, well it popped in my head when it was like, oh he did another one of those films or whatever is I'm like, feels like this is the kind of thing me and you should be doing.

Or like Ryan Long should be doing. Yes. Okay? Like actually funny guys who like can wring something out of that premise. But Matt Walsh is just like an idiot commentator who occasionally goes like, I don't know why anyone would take a sick day at work You know, don't you want to be a real man? Don't you want to be an alpha wolf in the gorilla board room? Yeah, he's the he is a joke. Yeah, he's not an idiot missing that twist is missing

That's why I was so weird when he was in fucking a lady ballers trying to play like a hippie or whatever And I have it not funny. I just being a guy. Yeah playing a caricature of a hippie. Yeah, it sucks. Let's see Straturgy for five imagine watching dick torpedo the show one week, but when you watch the next week he torpedoes dicks in my ass Nobody wants that nobody wants that cool for five shadow for the patreon join the biggest minecraft server in the universe Maxwell 21 for 17 Are they I kind of want to join Maxwell 21 for 17. They're getting weird stuff in there. Are they? I kinda wanna join.

That's forever! They got weird signs about you! Yeah. They're like, they're like, they're like, do you wanna play on our Minecraft server? And I'm like, no, because everyone would just make it about fucking with anything I build. Like you would just... Why would that be bad?

Well why would I spend time making a castle if I'm gonna wake up and someone makes a giant pig statue next to it and they go, oh look what I did! Look what I did! I go, yeah, you got me. Why would you time making a castle if I'm gonna wake up someone makes a giant pig stature next to it They go look what I did look what I did I go yeah You got me How would you be making a castle you could do literally anything else? Yeah, I could make a castle which is cool. I love making castles. Maxwell21 for 17, Vito it's your boy Prime when are we gonna play some Street Fighter 6? I know you got a copy lying around somewhere.

I do have a copy, but I still have not played it. Darius for five I can't believe Vito owns half the biggest problem. Matt is gonna be spinning in his grave, maybe. Black Angus Reviews for two. Sad to see you all go. Check DMs, Richard. Oh, good Black Angus Reviews. Our good friend who decided to live cast our bonus episode

for free and then leave it up as an archive so people could steal it. That was good. Thanks a lot. That was a good bit you did there. Hey guys, you know that episode that It's locked about a $5 paywall. What if I just give that to everybody on YouTube? Wouldn't that be cool? Yeah, no

You can like you can react to parts of the episode don't upload the whole stream MLB game You can react to parts of the episode don't upload the whole stream MLB game Sadoosh RZ for two hey guys how to grow my dick size Icon buckets for five joking body. I'm gonna get into you got a joke max. Oh, do you you gotta get that? Come shooter thing that PKA sells. I don't know about that Talk about joke maxing I come buckets for five body disposal easy if you have access to a meat processing plant without cameras, cattle, pigs, etc. 80-20 ground beef has a whole new meaning. Zeta for five.

Dead body sounds like a party and everybody knows there ain't no party like a Diddy party. Word is bond. Hashtag free Diddy. Nile for two. US cops are useless. Only 51% of cases are solved. That's a lot. That's pretty good. It's pretty easy to kill somebody.

It used to be a lot easier. LJ Calabarino for five. No, well, yes. It used to- They would just arrest anybody. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. You just go, hey, who did this?

That guy. That guy. He sucks though, he does suck. Yeah, I'll tell him that. Kill him. LJ Calabarino for five, I just saw a Spanish news channel use the term Nazi Negro. No pants Gomez for five, disposing of a body immaculate problem

Good to see you back in in top form Dennis and Vincent Drain jump for five best show in a while to be clear this episode was amazing and he didn't like the other ones Please do please do the same show next week or I won't be happy Drunk at a3 studio for five who made a clip I need to upload to the channel. Says Bateman mistakenly attributes that quote to Ed Gein, but Bundy actually said, I did think it was Bundy. That's who I was thinking of. Bundy was the cute one.

Zac Efron played Bundy. Chris Goffield too, the AC problem is the best problem ever brought in. Rich for five pounds. The purpose of the AC is to cool, so turning it up means more cool air. OK, well, run with that. See how far you get.

Sounds pretty reasonable. HippieTerrorist5 says, podcast hitman was the guy who left his girlfriend in the basement. He sends Carl's letter for prison, and Carl reads them on the creep-off. That's awesome. See, that's why I want to make a true crime video, because then I can do an interview with Carl talking about it, you know, like those true crime things where they cut to the guy and goes

Yeah, he was always a weird guy sending letters to my podcast You can talk to Carl doing it? Well, I'd have Carl is like one of the talking head like interviews to cut to you know, you gotta be nicer to Carl I'm very nice to Carl. I said one funny. Oh, he's made us cringe in the week ten times in one time. I make a joke. That's all in good fun though. Why is- this is what it always is. Is everyone goes like, oh, Vito's cringe- I go, well, your channel's only popular because you talk about stuttering John.

Oh my God! Oh, can you believe he said that? That's horrible. What a horrible guy. Yeah, you don't understand where the line is. You don't. I don't. I mean- That's why I try to stay out of stuff, because honestly I- No, no, no where the line is you don't I don't I mean, that's why I try to stay out of stuff because honestly I know you don't you don't try to stay Constantly people you are so full of shit What will you be for Halloween and maybe I'll finish my turtle outfit this year for tortoise interference. Strategy for two, you have to ask her to enhance our refrigeration.

There you go. Oh, okay, I'm sure that'll go great. Deadcat for two, turn the temperature down. Just dive on for five, you guys often get Super Chats and Aussie dollars. Have either of you considered doing a live show there? Yes, it didn't go well. Yeah, that didn't go well for you.

Alex Reinhardt, I don't wanna tempt another terrorist attack, so I'm not gonna tease it. Alex Reinhardt for five, Vito, I another terrorist attack, so I'm not going to tease it. Alex Reinhardt for five. Vito, I'll come fix your window units if you fly me out to LA and pay forever. The hotel and three parts required. My side job price is 45 bucks an ounce. I don't think I could just buy a new AC unit at that point. Pops Culture for two.

Don't forget the gift I sent in. Thank you, Pops Culture. Craig's VGS for two. When do we get Vito pig jerky and pasta products? I don't know. Oh, I should sell some influencer crap. Strategy for five. Imagine going to a deli and requesting 100% real cheese, but when they start the slicer, it chucks nutritious dicks in my ass. Nobody wants to have VEATS and dicks, that's true.

To be fair for five, since the show is in- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SHTVF. Oh, whatever. We've trained you out say it compulsively. I don't say it at all! I don't even fucking say it! Say what? T.V.F. We've trained you out of it. Since the show isn't ending, I can't wait for Vito to celebrate his jolly, smelly odor in obese ember. Jingle bells, Vito smells, fa la la oink. Just I've unprovived. To hell with Mr. Beast when it comes to healthy food options, I only take advice from 300lbs.

291.8. We will see, we will see, because a coof- oh yeah, I only take advice from 300 pounds to 91.8 We will see we'll see cuz a coof. Oh, yeah I gotta get my fucking performative costume on yeah go ahead J-rad for five Australian veto you are a nutrition derp cut out all the sugar you can eat protein protein protein your honkers will melt Off I promise no sugar. Okay. I'll eat lunch. I'll eat the fucking influencer Lunchables. I'm sure that'll help Okay, bizarre gaming guides for Tuesday I wish Vado got fired from Maddox 2 Vito's cat for ten the Jerry Seinfeld Netflix pop-tarts movie unfrosted ends with a January 6th parody of serial mascots storming Kellogg's headquarters Hugh Grant is dressed like the QAnon shaman, but Tony tiger

You know what I watched that movie, and I was not even paying attention during that scene is how boring Oh, that's how it ended. I watched that movie too. I don't remember anything. I don't remember anything that happened in it in the trash No, they remember is that Richard Roper reviewed it and he said it doesn't make sense because you know you have all these fake guys that they're treating like real guys like crack a snap crackle and pop and Chef Boyardee and I went chef party was a real guy Richard Roper you son of a bitch I mean it was so bad. The only scene that was funny was the funeral. This is the one part where this concept works for me.

The rest of it was absolute trash. Let's see, Grand Admiral Fuckface, Vito, was the last time you did anything for blind Africans. I'm on this show trying to lower their fucking credit card rates. So, okay, we're helping real God for five. Everyone involved in Mr. Beats fake Lunchables is huge, nutsack and evil. Vito is right to hate it. Do the gaming challenge bonus series.

I forgot that I can do it on the next bonus episode. So to it when we're not trying to drastically save the show. I was actually going to bring that in my ran out of time. So I was like, oh, this is really going to hit. This is really going to hit them. What just two dudes playing video games together after all that shit That's gonna make them real. That's gonna make them really gonna make them fucking dummies This will really fucking nail them right in the emotional field Fucks. Soul 2 XL for five. Chef Boyardee's first commercial was about it getting kids to eat vegetables

Which two servings of dumb fat lie yeah but those the 50s grand Admiral fuckface five videos Libtar Lunchable would be cats and dogs and clay cookies nutritious I come buckets or two videos problem is healthy meals no no shit those lunchables are not healthy at all healthier than the normal ones bro there give your kid an apple and a fucking okay I don't know. Okay, good luck with that. Here you go, eat some more apples. Like a fucking horse. Okay, you can also give your kid turkey slices and a fucking... Not every day!

You can give turkey slices and crackers without having to put a fucking candy bar in there. What do you eat? What do you restrain yourself eating and you're gonna make a kid do it? I don't fucking think so. Pigeon for ten, I'm having fun this spooky season eating healthy. Yeah. Craig VGS for two New Zealand sales pitch veto boxes so poor children can save. The Archangel Joe for a big $15 says we need a call to prayer. It's been a while since the last one. Not for 15 bucks. Well he gave us another 50 and he says now call to prayer and enjoy the extra 15. Damn it! God damn it! God damn it you fucking tricked me!

$65. God damn it! What's been going on in Pokemon fuck I think I know what's going on what is going on welcome back to welcome back to book it chance hey you're going on I'll tell you I they better not start the Pokemon packs exploding unlike the bit by the shoe is better not start exploding the Pokemon packs exploding unlike the bit like the Jews better not start exploding the Pokemon like you know what does explode out of my Pokemon packs is Eevee with their hoodie on yeah is that what people are trying to get? Jihad on exploding pagers yeah you go packs can explode fine no problem Medazoo pack obviously no one doesn't matter if it explodes sure no problem but the Pokemon pack

I'll know anything I want exploding out of that is even with a little hoodie on or Pikachu with a little hoodie on Is that what they're fighting over is it a new thing? Oh, they're very very halal Haram, I saw there's already fakes of that going around the Thing is nothing. How do you's you in the hoodie for Pokemon. He explode right out the back you could have imagine Possibilities only through the power of Allah you have Pikachu in hoodie you have Evian hoodie, right? Imagine imagine only through the power of Allah only through the power of Allah you could have Charmander in hoodie do they have that no imagine okay imagine imagine you have Bulbasaur in hoodie Do they have that no imagine okay imagine? I'm imagining you have a

Bulbasaur in hoodie now doesn't make any sense you have how would he put a hoodie on new and hoodie imagine Music imagine through the power of Allah you have a new in an extra-dimensional creature It's not gonna wear a you to wearing hoodie, but it's codes black You have Mewtwo wearing hoodie, but it codes black. Somehow. I don't know, imagine. Professor Oak in hoodie through the power of Allah. Alright. Nurse Joy. Well now we're talking. Hoodie maybe getting a little, but also nurse uniform hoodie on top of that.

Nothing else. That's what I want. Imagine that pack itself come in a hoodie. Not exploding. What else? Name a Pokemon and Psyduck imagine in hoodie okay through the power of Allah you what you see another you ever see in Digimon a refrigerator with a hoodie? Or what do they have in digimon? Some kind of fucking refrigerator with a gun on it you ever see that in a hoodie Possible yeah, no it looks stupid what about any Pokemon can have hoodie about Monster Ranch here

No hoodies how many hoodies? maybe a cardigan? Maybe a cardigan. I don't think so. Alright, so are you gonna get a Pikachu with a hoodie? Is that you got one of those? No. How do you get one? I don't I don't know. You get in the pack. Do you not know about the fucking Pikachu in the hoodie? I thought I saw I think I saw a video of somebody trying to sell a fake one. Get the fuck out of it. Pikachu in hoodies. Yeah. Look at this motherfucker. No, the card. Not the hoodie. Card. You know the Eevee in the hoodie? Look at these motherfuckers. Are these old? These are brand new. So this just came out? Yeah. Oh yeah, look at these. Why are they so much fucking guy?

Why are they so much fucking money? What the fuck? Why are they? so I need to do this again well look at this through the only through the power of a lock and you have can you have Pikachu look little smile says I will do the bidding of Allah I don't think you're supposed to talk about Allah that well what do you mean sounds sinister the way you say it. No. Allah? Sinister? How many pagers Allah make blow up? Zero. Well. That's end of blow up conversation. Maybe not the pagers.

He definitely made other things blow up. End of conversation. Is this a promo? How do you get one of these? You don't even know. Oh, there we go. That's where the 10 grand's going this month. That's interesting.

Yeah, real interesting. Oh, the locks for $50.10. As Team Guy Vito DJ Richard spin that track, boy. We're at $50.10. All right, we got to write the sound for this retarded song that no one likes. Frog washing for two pounds, as I'm glad the show is oink-kay. Joe or Bby Jimson pretend

Hydration which makes prime energy drink is under ERC investigation because they found lead in the drink The only part of lunch lead that veto likes they talked to To you by Carrying out in the Agenda energy and yours, I was listening to this song. There's lead in the energy drink. And yours? I guess so. I shouldn't be drinking that shit.

No, drink coffee and water. We're all gonna die, who cares? Agnostic Uzumaki vibe. If you don't know that you're a boss hog, knowing 50% of the trough, what new bits are the piggas gonna get? Us piggas are standing back and standing by? Winking by oh no stay cuz gotta be a fucking back and oinking by okay there you go Justin Brodick vibe oink oink Vito congrats on half ownership of the show you deserve it

No one does bits and weird ideas like you. I guess I got to do more bits Stop saying bits People are sick of it. Is that true? Yeah, people are sick of hearing about bits. I don't even know what a bit is. It's like a brain dysfunction. All right. I don't know. All right.

Here we go. Craig VCS for 2New Zealand says, check out Mint Salad, like and follow Mint Salad. Johnny Rocker for 5 says, Carl just posted, is this the end of the biggest problem WATP clip? Slow club-footed Carl. Got you, Carl. Got him. Got you. Is that a quick sell for 2 says, we love you, Vito and Dick. the end of the biggest problem WATP clip. Ah! Slow club-footed Carl. We gotcha Carl. We gotcha.

Is that a quick sell for two says we love you Vito and Dick. On the John for five Canadian the Feasibles bar tastes like cheap Easter chocolate that's been sitting in the fridge for half a year. It's terrible don't buy it. Fuck wait I had a I had a niggler voicemail. Fuck! Yeah I saw that. Fuck!

I missed it. Okay. We haven't heard from this guy in a while. Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Never has there been a story of more woe, like that of Dick Masterson and his Veto. Oh, I see a poem. I forgot why we stopped playing these guys' voice mails. to celebrate the best podcasts in the universe. May it live on in our hearts forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever.

Just keep saying that for another minute, please. And if. Ashes to ashes please I hate the so fucking much I fucking hate the fucking middler yeah all right thank you fucking cocksuckin piece of shit please never call this show again. I love you. Zeta Quincell. Nice. Michael Winnick for five.

I want spilled spot remover on my dog now. He's gone. Schmidt Tauker for five. You boys are the goats. Strikers Tombstone for two. Has anyone come up with a gay fave yet? Yes. Austin Nix for five. This is for the furry joke. Nice. Spider Returnal for two.

Twenty percent of your daily sodium is a three-square meal day. I know. Kitten Fiddlers for twenty. 20 up yours Vito. Love you. I think it's 20% more than your total sodium in one meal Well, you better be really it's a hundred and twenty percent of your sodium. Yeah Why would they why would they brag about that? Well, cuz why would otherwise would you say it's 20% because that's not anything at all It's low. Yeah, it's not very much sodium if it's 20%, but I don't think that is. Strategy for two, it's not the drawstring. It's the clockwise rotation.

Ditch melon, F50 nato for two. When are we going to get the TDS strip club sweatpants? You know, I almost put those out, but I didn't think anybody remembered. JRad for five, appreciate you lads. Give me a chuckle in these trying times. Please never change. Vito, you rascal.

Never change? All right, let's delete more super chats. For five, passwords too many passwords. True. RCG shoddy for two. Thank you guys for the show. I'm off the deep end. Michael winning. This show loses so much Maddox. Vito, Dick's hairline. Okay. Oh, trying hard for two. I was trying to- Was to trying to- okay. EH for five. Great bonus show. was trying to... I was to trying to... Okay. EH for five, great bonus show, just missing Dick saying, I'm deeply sorry Vito, I have

released Riley back in the wild where he belongs and euthanized... You guys keep bringing him up! You guys can't stop bringing him up! Every single comment was, stop bringing Riley up! Stop bringing Riley up! Stop bringing Riley up! Okay! How am I gonna fucking read any comments then?

And Vito's FT's for two, it says two says hey, no, we're not doing that one Alexa call the police stop with that. Oh my god. That's terrible. Let's see if we got any other super chats Yeah, we're done with the super chat Alexa. How do I do you come out? I don't know my wife's body you can look bad. No, that's bad. All right. Are we doing? I'm gonna say my Google history for the show. It's gonna put me in jail What's the game where we smash all the toys? I'm a man who treats about little boys What's in the box, you know you wanted it! VEDO'S BOOTY!

So get on the scaler, I smash it to shit! VEDO'S BOOTY! VEDO'S BOOTY! VEDO'S BOOTY! VEDO'S BOOTY! I missed the end of the song because of the recording, so what's it gonna be? I'm not singing it again.

So I think we should uh... I told you, didn't I? I told Vito, it's the funniest when we were fighting, I have the funniest text conversation I've ever had in my life and I started laughing at your response like the Batman at the end

of the killing joke and I could not stop laughing for an hour talking about Vito's booty with you. Do you want me to read the conversation? Does that mean that you put the- What did I tell you? I said I'm never, I said I'm never putting anything good in here as I've told you privately and on the show, never.

Right. Because people are paying to see something get smashed. And what did you say? I said I wanted a specific thing, but now I don't want it anymore so... And then you said I'll let you smash toys after you give me that card. Yeah. The gay cradle. So...

And I started laughing and I didn't stop. For two hours you said I'll let you smash it as soon as I get that card. I thought I would have got it by now and I said... So... As everyone knows I really want this magic card called guy is cradle so first I got a guy's cradle And it was fake. Yeah, I gave you a good one last and then two weeks ago I got a guy's cradle and it was fake I don't know though that I thought it was real. So now I'm wondering is the real one maybe in there now finally

You see what I'm do you see at home what I'm dealing with because I just want this magic card It's not in here. It's not in here. It's never gonna be in here at some point. It will be All right, let's smash. Let's smash it smash a toy Your first instincts were incorrect or correct, which do you think I don't fucking know Okay, it is a boys to men Sean stock, what is this? Why is it a boys to men Bob figure? What is this? Their magic card hiding inside it this week, too

No your hammers right here here don't do the hand it's it's legitimately horrifying. It's supposed to be horrifying. It's a comedy bit Why is it a boys to men pop figure? It says the face is the theme that we're out of the mother's milk, so we just picked a different We're waiting for the factory to get more mother's milk Sean Stockman good old Sean Stockman Look here, he snapped his little legs off. Oh, he looks sad to begin with oh, that's horrible See now. I just want to get on the skills you don't smash They've got a lot of confusing motives. There are a lot of confusing motives So anyway, thanks to everyone keep sending in fake guys cradles I'm sure I just cemented my fate and we're getting a hundred more of those.

Every time I get one I'm all excited and I take it home and I put it under the fucking microscope. I go, yeah, it's a fake one, huh? So out of this whole show, out of like a million Vito's booties, I've gotten like two decent things and a pile of trash. All the mother smokes you got were good? That's true. I do love my mother's. People want to buy them from you. Well, you know what? I have been selling on one dollar Pokemon cards soon at whatmont.com slash invite slash Vito Comedy. I want to thank we've updated because we have so many new supporters. The numbers jumped. I actually got a fourth column finally. So look at that. We're actually catching up.

We need more. This needs to look like Star Wars, like CG artists. Well like I said, if we get to 12,000, I'll vote for Trump. So as long as we get there, you know, you guys need to get those Trump votes in. And we'll have to dig up the biggest problem TV treatment We will also you know now we got a little bit of money. We can invest in the All sorts of things like a producer not necessarily Well what oh we can do the video game challenge we can get a

It's not gonna take very much investing shut up. I'm trying to figure it out. I'll fucking why did you say it? I do want a producer for the show. That would be good. You keep saying it, but I don't know anybody who could do that. I know, it's hard to find, especially- Last guy I hired to do that, somebody flipped out and tried to send him to jail. Yeah, I know, okay? Look. Uh... That came much later. That's completely unrelated.

Uh... Well, here's the weird thing about like YouTube and all this like shit is like there aren't guys who like have the... This is kind of all like a new... Yeah, because it's a shitty job that nobody wants to do. It is a shitty job and it's a thankless job. And working with influencers is a fucking nightmare. Yeah. These celebrities are trash.

Who does P.K. have though? Chiz and Zack. And they just set up all their like, you know... I don't know what they do. They get guests Yeah, well the thing is that you know, obviously I'm terrible at managing anything Except for my stellar comic which is coming and I'm managing it expertly I don't know where we're not everyone's good at managing but we are talking about cool things we can do I think this show is reaching a I said EP

Bob. Yeah. Yeah I said EP. Bop. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I would love to do some music Again, you have more musical experience of me All I my musical experience is limited to taking pop songs that already exist and re-theming the lyrics to be about me killing the People's families. Okay. So I can write that. Okay. I'll write you some little little ditty Write some little ditty. Maybe somebody could make some beats Some beats would be good. We could do a rap. We could do some raps. Everyone fucking hates rap rock. That would be really funny to do rap rock. Maybe we could do like a cool like uh,

I remember, what's that guy's name? Eric Jeline. He's got that cool band. Backwards. And wards. We have the camera spin around us, you know? How much did that shit cost? I think it cost him a lot of money. He paid like a guy. They got a package. I went on their website. You can buy a package.

There's been some crazy stuff I'm seeing with guys making their own music videos and whatever with AI or whatever. Vanity shit. Just make a good song. That's it. Well, that seems to be the problem is everybody's better at making like... You're like, yeah, I don't know. The video looks cool, but Jesus Christ, Tim Pool. Can you just come up with one guitar riff that's like kind of catchy and memorable? What happened to just writing a good guitar riff? That was what a song was. I guess they are all taken,

cause I'm like. Cause he doesn't play the fucking guitar. Yeah. He doesn't care, that's why. Yeah, he doesn't play anything, I don't think. I mean, I don't play any instruments, but that's why I'm not fucking trying to make a fucking band.

I'll make goofy internet music. Oh man, poor this guy. You want to help me write a Christmas song? It's too late for Christmas Sorry, I'm like Toybro. Oh one Christmas song. Yeah. Yeah sure What? See, I always had that idea that it's like if you can write the one perfect Christmas song if you like a good one Yeah Okay But it can be okay. I've written a Christmas song before, it's fun. If you- if you write Grant-

I'll- the- the classic songwriter thing... Why does it always have to be a fucking scam with you? It's not a scam- well it is a scam. It's such- everything is a scam. Okay. So fucking what's his name? Frank Barzarian or whatever this fucking guy was. What's the name of the dad on Alvin and the Chipmunks?

That guy had a name. Yeah, his name is Dave. Yeah, Dave Frank Barzarian Well cuz he's really Simon and Theodore and Frank Barzarian. What the fuck are you talking about? Dave Barzarian like his last name is some weird fucking foreign name that he had to change the cartoon No, he changed it to Seville for the fucking albums, they'll they'll yeah, that's a name don't dead name don't dead name He's been dead for like 50 years. I don't don't be that Dave's mark bargain Yeah, you know he sits down with a fucking tape deck and he writes ah Loop the loop and that's it. It's an entire franchise built on one stupid You are like the fucking

Everything that you see is... Jeff Foxworthy has made more money from Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer. I don't actually know if that was Jeff Foxworthy. But that song, one stupid song... Fucking scam, like everything that you see and think is through some sort of scam prism. Mariah Carey has made a billion dollars off one Christmas song. If you write one Christmas song, you never have to write any other songs for the rest of your life.

You're just set. Because they will just play it at Christmas a million times. You will have endless radio play until the end of time. Why do you think that you're the only one who knows? Every single person in music knows this. I know and they've all fucked it up. You know when you'll have like fucking Justin Timberlake going, it's a sexy Christmas with Justin Timberlake. And you're like that's not gonna get played. He didn't hit the formula. But he did it though. He made money. Yeah, yeah, alright, but it wasn't you know all I want for Christmas is you. That's where you got a hit. Every single person knows this who plays music.

But they're not coming at it from an analytical perspective. Neither are you. I want to take every Christmas song I want to feed it into a fucking algorithm figure out all right. So do it. I wanna take every Christmas song, I wanna feed it into a fucking algorithm, figure out all right, top themes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Winter, snowflake, love, Santa. Implication of rape. Sure, yeah, that is part of it, yeah. That's it, that is one.

Baby is cold outside. That guy made a billion dollars off that, okay? So we gotta figure out like what is, and can we combine, can it be like, you know. Is this why you don't make anything because you're sitting there trying to analyze like what the perfect I have Spreadsheets of every Christmas song ever created right? Yeah breaking down the lyrics by theme You know tempo. Okay. I'm getting a headache and I think if you can just If we can just crack it and we make the perfect Christmas song

No, we never have to work again for the rest of our lives. Bye. It's a magic biggest Christmas, Christmas biggest time. Santa's gonna rape you if you're bad. You know, something like that. Commit other crimes.