The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 16 - We Are The Dislike Button

Episode Date: November 15, 2021

Family Court, Silencing the User, Woke Unions, Shitty Slow Motion

Let's do it! Biggest problem in the universe. Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe. The only show that ranks every problem in the universe. From controlling guns to shipping puns. I'm your host, Dick Masterson. With me as always is Vito Gisbaldi. Hi, Dick. Buddy, how you doing?

I'm great. How you doing? Hyped up. I got this monster energy. Oh, you don't have the white one, though. That's the one. Is the white one good? It's the meme one. I'm pretty sure the white one is the one you got to be drinking. I do see that in all the memes. Is that like the zero sugar or something? I have no idea. They all

have like taurine and blasteron and all kind of energy on it. It's like the Transformers one. I don't trust anything that's in those drinks. I dated a girl who had a monolith of them in her garage. She knew somebody who worked at Monster

and she was hot, so she had like a stack that was too high to get anything safely. It was like playing Jenga, but she needed about 12 a day to get up at 2 p.m. Well, Dick, I need my daily dose of

D-Gloraglaxitone. I just can't get through that. I normally never get these. You needed some D-Gloraglaxitone? Is know? I just can't get through that. I normally never get these. You needed some D-gloroglaxiglon? Yeah. Is that what you need? Is that the food pyramid? Some glaraloxicin and some flabid...

Some glutamine? Some glablastaron? Yeah. Some injinkazor? Cyclobalamin? That's got B12 vitamins in it, so that's good. Vitamin... They got that on there

Vitamin NQ The Batman symbol Okay you wanna know the problems from last week? Yes We got a bonus episode by the way everybody We do Check out the bonus episode at patreon.com slash biggest problem Charger not included

I win Fuck you finally Big winner Putting up a W You be gun control I be gun control I can't Cause everybody misses that Everybody wants a charger for'd be gun control I'd be gun control I can't Because everybody misses that

Everybody wants a charger for the phone Yeah Not everybody wants a gun It should come with a gun Everything over If you buy a gun It should come with a charger Yeah

What the hell You're right It should come with It should come with some bullets It should come with some bullets They should throw some in for free In case you need to use it right now What happened in the era of the pack-in?

You used to buy a Super Nintendo, you got a Super Mario cartridge. You got three games sometimes, man! They were going the other way with it and then all of a sudden, one of those dicks figured out that, oh, wait a minute, let's just totally rape the kids and give them a core system. Core system.

No games at all. You mean you guys couldn't include the $5 Of plastic to save $200 for all the cheap Shit moms out there thanks a lot They're really running a game on you cause you go Oh it's only $400 for a console Yeah but you gotta buy a game $460 $470 bucks

Three fucking games you used to come with Oh yeah you used to get that Sega Genesis 3 pack Start off with golden axe columns and i think sonic was on no streets of rage i think was on sonic no they didn't give you some you could you could get one with sonic but sonic was a standalone gun control um armchair mechanics came in after that and then premature etraculation yeah dead last i figured out a pun for that though that's a good I mean, the pun should get you some points. I hope it did.

I think it probably did. They probably confuse people, actually. What the fuck is this shit? It's like, you know, when people do political nicknames, they throw too many in, so it doesn't resemble the old... They'll go like, Obama

instead of Obama, but then they'll go like hussein a borank borank hussein obama and you're like i uh i think i know what you're doing but not exactly uh okay i got some comments jaffee says hey this message is for veto call me jaffee if you want to talk about on the show i'm on an nda i've been playtesting that console you've been talking about since about april it's really good for indie games think like binding of isaac or mid-tier graphics single-player games dark souls hitman stuff like that i think it'll have some problems first i don't know why i brought this in i don't even know what the fuck he's talking that console you've been talking about talking about the amico i don't know that thing you brought that guy on that tommy talarico

to talk about yeah it doesn't support multiple. If you have any questions, feel free to ask. Yes, what the fuck are you talking about? Yeah, because there's no way. He says it could run Dark Souls. Is that what he said? I don't know. Maybe he's talking about the Steam thing? The Steam platform? Yeah, if he's talking about the Steam deck, then yeah, that'll run all that stuff. That makes more sense. Do you have any questions?

Do you have any urgent questions for Jaffe about that? That he could leak against the NDA? Make sure to send that to the show. Is it cool? That's all I want to know, Jaffe. Should I be hyped or what? No? Yeah.

It's not like I can't get that also. There's like a million. You know, they gave it to people to test it and shit. But thanks for you saying it as well. Thank you. Thank you for breaking your NDA. It feels more intimate because a guy sent it specifically to me. Please trip over yourselves to give us insider information.

I want to encourage that. Break your NDAs so that I know more about a video game. Cat Tahoe says, Gun control is the biggest problem. As Dick stated, everything we waste our lives on is to try and fill the hole in our souls that is not having more guns. I understood this immediately as I acquired my first hunting rifle.

I saw my woman, I me with unparalleled lust as i brandished my newly acquired instrument of death and just thought to myself that i don't even care anymore uh for now i've become death the destroyer of worlds what do you think about i think that this uh written house trial is driving me nuts oh you're not you're not entertained about guns i think the problem is not gun control I think it's irrational gun Misunderstandings Comprehension Yeah why

Well because I've been arguing with guys And they're like well he put himself in a situation He didn't need to be in and he had a weapon I'm like what about that guy But he crossed state lines too Okay but there's that other guy Who he shot right In the arm

What was the guy Holding in his arm Just a A gun shaped A gun shaped rock That he had found It was actually A lighter It was a comical lighter

He was trying to light A cigarette A peace pipe That he was gonna share With Rittenhouse I'm just like Okay so Why is the kid

With the rifle Like an evil villain Yeah But the guy with the gun like an evil villain? Yeah. But the guy with the gun who tried to stop him is the good guy. Let me help you out with that, okay? Yeah. Because the kid with the rifle wanted an excuse to murder protesters. But this guy...

Which I support, right? I just want everyone to be clear with that. We all know that he did it on purpose, right? And then he was like, I really hope someone fucks with me so I can waste them. Right. Because we're all thinking that. But no one he did it on purpose right and then he was like i really hope someone's fucks with me so i could waste him right because we're all thinking that but no one can say it right no one can say it and that's his right but then that's great but then he's the guy who's shot doing the exact same thing like i hope one of these right-wing psychopaths gives me an excuse to shoot him in the head yeah so we got their guys so it's the same we got your guys thing why oh my

god i'm going nuts dude i think why but i decide you know what i think it is though i mean maybe i'm crazy is people see like a handgun they're like oh that's cool you can shoot a guy in the head with that that's just self-defense but they see like a big rifle and they're like oh mass shooter he's gonna kill he's here to kill hundreds and i'm like it's the same thing it's the same thing it's for close shooting yeah uh isomatics posted i saw that oh my god i like it's the same thing it's the same thing it's for close shooting yeah uh i said maddox posted i saw the oh my god i sent it to bad legal takes i hope they posted he's like well why did he use a bad legal why wasn't he if he was gonna kill him why wasn't he why was he chasing him why wasn't he just shooting at him expert fucking marksman annie oakley maddox

he also said that the the only way to determine self-defense is the intent and you're like well the dead guy's not going to tell you what his intent your intent if a guy do i want to stay alive like making a stabbing motion you don't have to you know and later you know it's like oh no i was doing like a funny joke so you're not allowed to defend yourself yeah that was my intention no it's whether you reasonably can interpret that you are fearing for your life at that moment maddox would a reasonable person think that they needed to use self-defense in that situation no no he might have been joking you don't know and you have to wait to find out you have to you know interrogate him yeah what

the fuck uh we've got to crawl through what maddox determined was intent in his lawsuit yeah for a half a billion dollars for all for stealing fans and stuff like that for the ultimate reader of intent the ultimate arbiter of intent i like that one and my other my third most hated thing about the ridden house thing is all these fucking midwits going, oh, yeah, but he killed a pedophile. You guys are not helping. Yeah. I know you want to kill pedophiles,

so you're making it seem like it's an act of vengeance. Right. Not an act of self-defense. You're not. Just shut up. Shut up with the pedophiles. We get it. You're super psyched. I just had sex.

We get it. Okay. You're real super psyched that a pedophile got shot. I mean, it is really funny. It is really funny that, you know, everybody jumped on. I can't believe he shot that heroic man. And you're like, you read it and it's like, wait, what did he do? And it's like, count one, you know, penetrating a child's butt.

No! Count two, same thing. Same thing. Dude, that's it. And it's all on the same day. I guess he had sex with like five kids on the same day. All right. All right.

Let's just keep in mind. He's cartoonishly evil at that point. Antifa entirely consists of the homeless and the schizophrenic and the criminally insane. It's George Soros sends a pharmaceutical sales rep in there with a briefcase full of cash and hands out 20s to homeless people and schizophrenic people and says, go nuts. Yeah, well, I don't know how it happens. That's the operation. I think like a criminal that's how

george soros is doing it i just find it fascinating that they have the worst possible dude as their martyr it's like i'm sorry guys this would have been easier if he was like a you know a priest or something but yeah instead you have the he wouldn't be carrying around a joker sized gun his last thoughts his dying thoughts were fuck i wish I would have had a smaller gun. Yeah. Because that thing weighs about, I have that gun. Yeah. It weighs about eight pounds.

Maybe more. It's like, oh, shit, shit, shit. Yeah, I couldn't get it all the way out. It's like the end of Cowboy Bebop. Oh, shit. Cowboy Bebop, just people are mixed. And they're making an ice cream Ben and Jerry's are making an ice cream flavor

did you see that I got like 200 followers for that joke I want a doge veto my gaze auto fixated on what appears to be a large roll of toilet paper to the right of your head can't stop seeing it that right there

sorry buddy the eye of the slime turkey sandwich Can't stop saying it. He's referring to that right there. Right there. Sorry, buddy. The eye of the slime. Turkey sandwich. I've never related to a problem more than the three of these. The mechanic thing was whatever. Fuck you. Come on.

Why do you even need to mention it? You could have just went to the other three. I really like these three problems. This one fucking sucks. You know, it was whatever. We would have got there. Yeah. But I've been complaining about that shipping label created USPS waiting package bullshit for years.

I also just bought a new iPhone for the first time in years and was flabbergasted. Wow. By the whole, we're suddenly not giving you the basic shit. You're on a journey, dude. We're just giving you, because you care about the environment yeah message that was in there there you go sustainability do they give you a little pamphlet with the phone now they probably they probably do when you open it up about sustainability are you wondering where the charger is well thankfully it's in the hearts and minds of these indonesian children yeah fuck you uh and then psychonautic 89 uh did my comment get removed there you go bring in one of those every fucking week why'd you guys tell you my comment uh okay so you're

you're uh you're up first you don't give us a problem sure you're gonna drum roll me here or something my problem dick is silencing user feedback now maybe that sounds like a boring one but i think it's very important deleting comments that's us silencing user feedback of course but even more problematic is when this is a widespread decision by a tech platform to make sure their users have no say or input on the content that they are consuming just shut up and eat it you fucking moron now you may have heard this week that youtube has decided to remove a very key feature i don't know if you use youtube dick yeah i use it use it well you may have noticed that under every video there's two little thumbs one of them goes

up to indicate your pleasure with the content you're watching the other one goes down to signify disappointment i hate this regret yeah hatred yeah and racism racism signal racism incorrect information yeah and what that does is empower the user of course to inform other users whether or not what they're about to consume is worth their time or perhaps stupid garbage that lies or tricks or just is not funny or interesting so as useful as that sounds clearly we need to get rid of it for some reason yeah because it's embarrassing biden because it's that's why it really that's that seems to me that's why right yes uh as youtube has fuck you uh youtube is getting rid of the dislike button but what's really confusing is they're like well it's still gonna be there you can still press it you can still click it like the door close on an elevator it's still gonna be there just doesn't do anything the

only thing it does is the only person who can see it is the guy who made the video it's the guy who made the video can go out well i guess people so they can lie about it click it yeah like they're just if i click a button and i obtain nothing from it you're right like a door close elevator button i'm just gonna not press i don't know i don't need the video maker to like secretly know that i don't want to empower him i'm not yeah i was never pressing that button to help that guy yes for everybody else pressing that button so everybody else would know oh this video fucking sucks and it's like a collective making you feel bad yeah we all got together and everyone did their part to make you feel like shit and we all know that's part of it we all know that you look like shit but that's the

justification that youtube has given is that the dislike button yeah is akin to bullying you're bullying this guy who put up a video that said you know make 10 billion off crypto overnight and then you know it's just a link to a picture of his dick let me give you youtube's official response at youtube we strive to be a place for creators of all sizes and backgrounds because these sizes you know respect the fat man oh yeah all size audience sizes no no no they're specific size of people yeah wow they want to acknowledge their larger size creators so i do appreciate that uh creators of all sizes backgrounds can

find and share their voice what there's probably more of a difference between like a skinny girl and a fat girl between like a fat girl and a fat guy you know like their life is probably more similar yeah size is probably more important than anything else. Size is an indicator of lifestyle and you face certain adversity. Fat phobia, of course, is a problem we will bring in at some point. To ensure that YouTube promotes respectful interactions between viewers and creators, we introduced several features and policies. Earlier this year, we experimented to see if getting rid of the dislike button

could help protect our creators from harassment and reduce dislike attacks where people work to drive up the number of dislikes on a creator's videos. Our experiment data showed a reduction in dislike attacking behavior. Wow. And based on what we've learned, we are making dislike counts private. based on what we've learned we were making discount dislike counts private we know you might not agree with this decision but we believe this is the right thing for the platform to create an inclusive

and respectful environment where creators have the opportunity to succeed and feel safe to express their celebrities celebrities will be sad yeah it's so when the Ghostbusters 2016 trailer comes out and becomes the most disliked trailer in movie history.

We don't know that. Right. Right. Because it's embarrassing for Sony. Now we just go, I didn't like that video, but we don't have, we don't get the news article that goes most disliked ever. Yeah. Most disliked.

10 million people dislike the trailer for this shitty movie. So Gwyneth Paltrow can go on and like squeeze some vagina yogurt out of herself into a cup and everybody likes it and everybody like it's just like wow look at all these likes yeah amazing look there's a thousand likes and you don't know that there's 200 000 dislikes but there wouldn't be because what's the point of pressing dislike if it goes to no exactly well now that you don't like well as people have pointed out they're like well this is stupid because then everybody is going to comment on every video i'm the dislike button i'm the dislike button and you just upvote that comment yeah yeah no i'm that well then you're going to have multiple i'm the dislike buttons i think you will for that instead of saying

because it used to be every video somebody tried to go first they were both now they're gonna go i'm the dislike button and you have 10 of those getting voted up yeah they could probably write a browser extension that you just click dislike and it comments dislike what it really comes down to is i mean they say oh we're trying to protect you the user from bullying and whatever else but i think it really i mean let's be real yeah when joe biden puts a video on the white house official page and it's like 10 million down votes 10 up votes you're like oh people really don't like this guy this is shaping and i find that information valuable even as a guy who voted for biden and does not hate him it is valuable for me to know

how many people do hate him it gives me like valuable information about the world in which i live did you did you like when he showered with his daughter what did you what did you think about that i didn't read the did you vote for him on the daughter showering platform i was a big i'm surprised would you like to have heard more about that on the campaign or what's crazy about that is that about the right amount yeah that came out before the campaign was over and if you had just not but now that the department of justice is like knocking down fucking buildings to try and find the diary that seems pretty guilty well it's also like dude streisand effect i hadn't even heard about this fucking diary and now it's all over again we

should have just not you know done your fuckingknock raid to try and find your daughter's fucking... You dodged the question, though. Are you pro... Did I vote for him because of the diary I didn't know about? No. Yeah, so you voted for a guy that showers with his daughter. You did vote for a guy who's... And you still donate.

And you donate. I mean, he's showering with his daughter. Maybe still. The dog's trying to get in there To save the daughter and he pulled the dog's tail Look I haven't read everything that went down What'd she say She's talking to the granddaughter now She said there's some inappropriate showering I believe

Was the quote or something And she said I think I was molested But not by her dad Probably by Hunter Oh you think the brother did it well then they're keeping him away from the nieces it's like he leaked all of his texts where he sounds like a psychotic incel he sounds like elliot ron he sounds like chris the kiwi see i'm gonna say this dick all of this information is something i like to hear your feedback as the

user this is useful yeah it's not it's not making it this like facade of no everything's fine nobody disagrees with us you know it used to be you could shape the content with your feedback by telling these outlets and these places hey dislike we don't like it's not what about before that though you just spoiled because before that we just had the tv what are you gonna shoot your tv there's you have no feedback well you would write a letter to them. But yeah, you're right. Other people couldn't see it. The best you had was like a letter to the editor of the paper or something.

Yeah. Yeah, we now have that power. So why would we take it away? Like it's an attempt to control, again, for the corporate interests. You put out a product or something and you don't want the commenters going, hey, I bought this thing and it killed my kid. You just go, hey, let's just get rid of the comments section. Speaking of which, getting rid of...

Wait a minute, wait a minute. Who did... I got a list of who else did this. Netflix did this, didn't they? Went for Amy Schumer. That's true. They used to have the star system where you could rate your Netflix content. Then Amy Schumer wrecked it.

Yeah, and then Amy Schumer got half a star and they went, well, we have to protect Amy Schumer wrecked it. Yeah. And then Amy Schumer got half a star and they went, well, we have to protect Amy Schumer from these trolls. They always go trolls. They use trolls as an excuse. Yeah. And you're like, trolls are still real people.

If they don't like it, it doesn't matter why they don't like it. That's still valid. Yeah. Trolls don't usually not like things to troll. Is that they usually like things that are bad I think the people who dislike Amy Schumer legitimate I mean she's legitimately stolen jokes

100% yeah there's an Amy Schumer's one of the biggest ones that I saw and maybe it was just like you saw it and you forgot you saw it but she still ripped off a sketch like beat for beat it was it was crazy to me there was a sketch where it's a uh somebody

in a clothing store and like a black salesman helps them or whatever and they're like oh thank you and uh then they get to the counter and they're like oh uh if somebody helped you let us know because they get you know a commission and they're like oh well it was the uh and they didn't want to say the black guy Okay so it's all dancing around that Yeah but Amy Schumer made It was like that was like a mad TV sketch And then like five years later It's not really that complicated of a sketch to come up with

No but it literally Was the exact same like Clothing store Dancing around the commission What was the clothing store I don't know it just seems like Regardless I think the criticism of Amy Schumer She's also not that funny around the commission what was the clothing store i don't know it just seems like i'm sad regardless i think the criticism of amy schumer she's also not that funny she's not funny she uh amy schumer

is one of these comics who they went oh it's a lady comic so let's boost her she needed to work on her i think she could have been funnier yeah she just needed a spotlight like 100 pounds no fat women can be funny come on rose she needed more she needed to add about yeah a hundred pounds i almost said the thing she does she could have got there she could have gotten rotten tomatoes they got rid of their well they still feedback didn't they cap it at like 83 if it gets too bad they're like stop right stop they uh they like filter it or they throttle it or something yeah for me the biggest one and this always drove me nuts was used to have comment sections on these news sites

yeah and that was the most valuable thing like on a vice article you could go hey this guy's fucking lying to you like i fact checked all this misinformation these guys putting out here's some sources yeah here's how he skewed this data here's why what he's saying is a complete lie uh and of course they go well hold on they're challenging our our control of the information of the let's just get rid of it yeah why let these people comment uh a lot of these news sites all at once all in like a span of like a week they all decided let's get rid of the comment section i have vice's statement they say uh we think comment sections are great you know uh wait a minute this might be fake news yeah yeah i think this one because i read it and got tricked by it let me see it before you read it

what the vice one no i got it right off their website okay do it read it then i got tricked by a fake news on vice i Trump. Oh, about Trump? You're better than me at checking stories. I went to the Vice site. This was their statement of why they're getting rid of comments. We love to hear thoughtful responses from readers. We understand it's part of the age-old tradition of letters to the editors. It cherishes part of many publications, a valuable way of creating open dialogue between magazines.

But without moderators or fancy algorithms, website comment sections are prone to anarchy and often devolve into racist misogynistic maelstroms where the loudest most offensive and stupidest opinions get pushed to the top so loudest and stupidest yeah that's that's the problem right oh you're so worried about having stupid comments all the way at the bottom so we're allowed to publish whatever we want and you can't challenge us because you're racist deal with it shut the fuck up is basically what they're saying I don't

the whole point of the internet and all this data sharing whatever the fuck was that like hey man speech you're right before we just had to swallow what was ever on the TV. Now we can go, hey, that motherfucker's lying to me. Hey, this fucking TV show sucks.

Hey, this lady stole a joke from another lady. All of that is valuable. I think instead of going, well, some of the comments are racist or bullying, you go, all right, well, then hire more moderators and shit like that. But don't get rid of the great tradition of downvoting. Yeah, it's kind of a downvoting storm, though. You got to admit, there is a little bit of like, I think there's ways to address that, too.

Oh, yeah. One great way to address that would be like, you can't dislike a video until you watch at least like two, three minutes of it. You know, if you show up on the page and like five seconds after you load the video, you're down least like two three minutes of it you know if you show up on the page and like five seconds after you load the video you're down voting the guy okay well you just don't like the guy it's not about the video right right uh there's ways to deal with it not just well we're just not going to show them you know it's it's bizarre and again it is like these small creators i'm like well why protect those guys they're small who cares i don't care about

small creators no they only care about getting celebrities on there well that's the other thing i'm like am i really supposed to believe you care about a guy with 100 subscribers who's getting downvoted because no no i think you just care about yeah biden and these movie trailers yeah whatever else because it's too funny we're having a good time yeah we're having fun downvoting stuff do you remember when they used to have the subscriber count used to be like the updated subscriber count yeah and then everybody was unfollowing like spitefully they would start live streams where it was like you could just watch the number go down and like go go go go and you're watching a guy's life get ruined in real time? That was hilarious. That was great. Yeah, I agree.

We should embrace that. And let us have dislike storms. If a guy sucks, dislike his shit. It's funny. There's this middle ground of having a little bit of fun and getting rid of all the bad people and then having all the awful candy-ass people that aren't allowed that are on like stuck on real tv yeah right that little sweet spot of the internet right uh but that's gone

now i think that's the thing is the celebrities have never had to deal with the idea like i hate you the people yeah i hate you and i can tell people about it two million people don't like me how long until twitter gets rid of like the ability to criticize anybody with a certain follower count oh if you have a hundred thousand uh sorry nobody's allowed to comment say anything negative about the internet said the internet's gone we're gonna make another one yeah we are what's that new uh odyssey no nick fuentes' new video platform. Have you seen that? No. Is it Cozy? Is that it? I think it's called

Cozy, yeah. If it's not in the blockchain, it has no future. Okay. Sorry. Blockchain. Look at the government. Look at how it's going. Look at you with your newly minted fucking stone toss NFT. You like that? I'm excited. I'm trying to get one. Oh, you're trying to get one? I'm trying to get one.

What the fuck? He's a very busy guy. I'll buy one. You can't buy. What are you trying to... No, he's going to sell them, I thought. Yeah, but they're randomized. The ones you buy. Do you drop $400 in the bucket and it spits you one at random? Yeah. That's how those

NFTs work. I thought the NFTs work where you see them and then you can choose. I don't know. I don't think you can choose. I think it's random. Because some of them are worth more because they're more rare. I was thinking I might take a chance on pulling the NFT. I'm going to get some.

Some? Mortal One? Oh, yeah. I'm giving them to... Is he letting you buy ahead of time? No. I'll be there on day one, hitting F5. How many is he putting out?

I think 5,000. They're going to be gone in a second. I know he's going to make a mint. He's going to make 500 times $420 million. I think somebody said... 5,000 times 400. That's 2 million bucks. Wait, is it 5,000?

Yeah, 5,000 times $2 million. Times 400. Hey, he deserves it. Oh, is it five thousand? Yeah. Five thousand times. Two million dollars. Times four hundred. Hey, he deserves it. Oh, Reddit's going to be pissed. Pissed what? That that guy made two million dollars making little racist cartoons? And they made nothing. Yeah.

They edit his cartoons all day and they don't make jack shit. Suntaz makes two million bucks. I was thinking about making some NFTs. What are you going to make your NFTs? Well, I saw, do you know seth mcfarland's making i don't know if he's the guy making them there's some horrible thing it's like a animated comedy they're trying to make called stoner cats about cats dick get this who smoke weed but to fund the series they're selling nTs, cat NFTs.

And I'm like, oh, well, if there's like a project attached that theoretically. So I was like, well, I had an animated thing I was trying to do. Different animated thing. We could sell the problems as NFTs. We could. On the show. I don't think, I don't know if people would buy them. I had some interesting ideas. You could do something interesting with NFTs.

I don't think people are getting creative enough with them. I don't think so either. but the gas fees are so high I think you just gotta tie them to something in real life is more exciting yeah yeah yeah uh okay anyway my problem is silencing user

feedback silencing user feedback alright I think that's a good way to put it or criminalizing user feedback I don't know I don't think it's criminalized censoring censoring using the user censoring user feedback okay censoring you here's my uh here's my problem family court man i'm just real bummed out about that low tax and dying dying yeah killing Himself. I know. With a gun. I'm trying to think of puns. If only we had gun control.

He would have had to kill himself with cheeseburgers then. He would have had to eat himself to death. Cheeseburgers. He could have got you, Bull, to do the job. He was eating, what, Louisiana hot links on stream for a dollar a piece? Ten dollars a piece. That was his last stream. His last stream his last stream

was him taking ten dollar donations eat sausages and you're like this is a guy who's got the world on his uh at his back how could he possibly he didn't even buy my shirt was he gonna buy your shirt no but people should before they die yourself you know everybody knows that i have a suicide shirt do you yes well now i don't i didn't know that. Yeah, it's $5,000. It says, I'm done, dude. And you buy it right before you kill yourself. Yeah, buy it. I'll ship it to you. I'll come over, make

sure you watch, you put it on, and then quietly leave the room. No, no, no, no, no. Just order. You don't have to wait. It's a credit card scam. Because they can't come after you When you're dead For the five grand It's your wife's problem

Who probably put you In the ground anyway Family court Family court Low tax takes an L Court Do we know the The details

I mean I assume Yeah I'm gonna talk about it On this show On Sunday It sounds like Somebody close to him Said she's going to call in because his ex-wife is just hammering her over Messenger. Like, oh, fuck you.

This is... Well, when I was reading it, it's like... Oh, my fucking Lord. You know, we just had a court thing. It was perfectly great. I have a house to raise my daughter in. I'm like, so you got the house. You know? It's even worse oh

yeah well he's got two he had two to deal with yeah uh plus he had that degenerate that horrible degenerative spine thing oh yeah and he was dealing with uh so this is family court cost 50 billion a year costs and we have the uh we have our wonderful legal system which is just a shade less violent and adversarial than pistol dueling right because that's how we worked it out i'd say less seems worse slightly slightly less i think slightly less at least as okay certainly not more. Okay. More expensive. More expensive. But as adversarial and violent as a pistol. As murdering each other. Right. And we take people who cannot get along at all.

Right. And none of us care why. None of us. It should be none of our business. And we make them go through this idiotic process, this idiotic adversarial trial and pretend to be total psychopaths because they don't act, excuse me, they're not acting like they act. If they act the way they act in real life, they will be penalized by some old pencil dick who's on an authority trip, right? Who's on an authority trip, right?

Who's there, whose side job, the judge, by the way, is the guy who's using his infinite wisdom to send people to prison for dealing weed. Okay? So this is the, we have the dumbest decision makers in our societies, judges. Right. right deciding an adversarial contest of who can be the bigger sociopath in a in a in an in an atmosphere that is uh uh uh uh what is it adversarial provocatively adversarial making them making them try to make the other lose their cool and look bad it's a weird and they have to pay and the loser has to pay for it it really is just like a bizarre popularity contest where you're trying to convince a man you've never met before that you are a better person morally than the person sitting across the bigger psychopath wins the worst person necessarily wins the worst or the

richer person necessarily wins and when they do win in america when you win those kids you get the fucking money yeah you get the kids and the money you get it could be well the money is for the kids dick of course dave fo? You know that guy's story? Kids in the Hall? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know Dave Foley. What's the story? Wasn't he Kids in the Hall? He got hit in divorce court in Canada. Family court. So I'm calling it

family court. Divorce court, not exactly the same. Family, because family court, the kid's the fucking jackpot. Like, you're competing. Like, whistling at a dog, right? Like, come over here. Come over here. Come over here. Come over here.

Ah, he likes me. Yeah. He got hit. I got Xbox. I got Fortnite. Yeah, you want to? I got free drinking. Two Christmases.

Two Christmases. I'm going to bring strange men home, and they're going to, you know, do stuff for them. I got you a new mom. She's better than the old one. She makes brownies. Huge hits. He got hit with at that peak of his peak of his earnings yeah so family court said okay well that's your out that's your

child support amount something out something like forty thousand dollars a month he's like well i can't i have no chance of making that so he can't go to canada so he cannot go to his native native country or see his kids because he owes probably millions in child support That he has no chance of making Ever Because Cause the court Well you made a million dollars in May

And he's like Done Yeah we just look at the last month Or something stupid And he's like That was literally you know My paycheck for you know 10 years of work or some shit

Yeah Um Well at least he at least he figured out he can leave the fucking country good for him on that yeah do you think his kids that's what happens they get taken back to canada too right or whose kids and i don't know dave i don't know well i just hope you're i hope your kids grow up and you can explain to them hey listen i couldn't afford you sorry the cot The average cost of a divorce Is 13,000 bucks

That sounds low Average though This is people who are like yeah I'm done Some people it's zero Still 50-50 This really annoys me This whole like trad movement Of all this start a family shit

They don't know what they're getting into here's why it annoys me because because the entire court system is set up to fuck men right because they're the high earners well that's the whole problem with having a popularity contest in court it's like well the woman wins like what do you yeah we as a society are prepped to go well i feel bad for her you know because because I might, I want to fuck her. So I have to feel more sympathetic towards her. So you got all these young men who have no direction in life because they can't make any money because you sent all the jobs to China.

Right. Who are looking up to guys online and in real life telling them, well, you know, the secret is you just clean your room. You got to clean your room. You got to, you got to acceptesus christ into your

life and you gotta get married and have kids i'm like well i gotta get fucking married and it's like getting married and have kids was the greatest thing i ever done like bro you don't you fucking don't for a second fucking think that some sort of internal algorithm you've been running is how you looked into the 50 of marriages that have worked out so far by the way right you haven't been fucked yet all these by your wife what do you call it speakers give them 10 more years until their wife goes and he was crazy and telling young men to uh find their inner self and i want the kids in the house and everything else not to mention man if you're a young guy and you're trying to get on your feet don't think a wife and kids are what's gonna get you there like

you're just putting yourself in a fucking hole disregard females buy bitcoin buy chain link uh according to the u.s census here's here's the stats for you if you don't only three percent of the 400 000 people receiving alimony are men. Yikes. Yikes. What the hell is that? That seems like a fair situation. Well, I would like to know what percentage of men are out earning women,

but I don't think it's nearly that. Well, according to the pay gap which was lies wasn't it like 76 percent right so it should be so it should be there yeah but then reduced it was like something like three like 70 like 97 when you reduce for all the similar jobs and stuff like that the men are only earning like three percent more something like that I don't know I forget it an idiot explained it to me once attorneys say that another reason

for the extremely low percentage of men receiving alimony is the fight that women who are the chief earners in the family are more likely

to put up a fight about paying it than the men are oh really women are surprised women put up a fight huh yeah they kind of want to have their

way you might say when the women push back on the idea of paying alimony the men are further humiliated they are essentially shamed into not taking the alimony um i'm gonna say that to men uh if you can get free money from a woman just to make it happen don't we're not we're not gonna be oh you fucking cock a kid no no, no. Take the money. Take the money. That's why this fucking system exists. It's the idea. I don't want to be humiliated by taking.

No, just take the money. This idea of going. Like, I understand having to explain to a judge why, like, you deserve this business or whatever. Yeah. Or you shouldn't go to jail. Like, your honor, I don't think I should go to jail for having a bunch a bunch of weed yeah and they're not gonna they're like and the judge is like well you know i don't think so either but the law says my hands are tied guilty i don't understand the concept of going in there and saying like and trying to explain why uh i fucking this bitch is

crazy and vice versa either way like this guy's a fucking mental patient and we have five kids and i'm i'm thinking i'm thinking at home that this idea is retarded that it should be handled in any way by the court system just give them a give them a give them a better help account and say i don't know you guys figured like you guys fucking started this mess why is it in court at all i don't like i can't take my league of legends uh problems with my i can't take my dnd problems to court i uh we were supposed to share the contents of any gold treasure chest but his character clicked on it first and yeah this doesn't disprove this whole uh patriarchy idea if men were really running everything and got every fucking bonus or

whatever like women could go topless in public yeah if men were in charge we lose every single one of these cases so don't act like oh well you've got every fucking advantage for having a dick it doesn't help you in court here's what an idiot says about it uh family court gets a bad rap not because not not because of the judges or laws she says some other fact right right right that's not the problem okay judges are the laws but mainly because of the lawyers it takes a special type of lawyer to handle these cases the truth is that most cases can be mediated but rarely is this ordered but that often has to do with the lawyers not the court so you've got lawyers who need money whipping up any sort of

animosity that they can yeah the client has that's the only way they make money. Taking them into this psychopath pantomime to get custody of a golden ticket. So that either the man does not have to pay hundreds of thousands, all of his money. So much money. And how much does it cost to take care of a kid? Like a couple hundred bucks a month well that's the clothes are basically free they eat off the fucking dollar menu what is crazy to me is like the celebrities it's like divorce their wives i'm like all right yeah you gotta give her like a good amount but when it's like that much you give her 200 000 a month it's like

why yeah why does she's used to that amount of money Okay So am I I watch TV I know what that money gets When I married her She was a fucking stripper With $15 Okay, so we'll make sure She gets $20 an hour now That's horrible

It's still better than where she was at before It's horrible And it killed my friend And she's got to look after the kids So give her an extra fiver Yeah Yeah Here, I brought something else in for you

What is Jeff Bezos' wife? Didn't he have to give her billions? Yeah, but it's all stock. Yeah, she got control of... So she's theoretically got nothing. Yeah, theoretically. Makes no income. Right.

The Scandinavian model of divorce and custody. It's on the parents to mediate and sort out the issue with very little legal interference or dragged out proceedings. So the whole marriage thing in the U S is just an endless. I mean, if you sit, if you sit them down,

I'd tell him you got two weeks to figure it out. And, uh, if you don't, we shoot your kids in the head. It's a good system. You cut the kid in half. You got two weeks. And at the end of it, we cut off the kid's head. You get the head. You mean cut kid in half then You got two weeks and at the end of it

We cut off the kid's head You get the head No we're gonna cut his head off Figure it out Well but my truth means Like me living in like New York and I'm gonna live You should have thought of that

I'm sorry Figure it out or we shoot the kid in the this is not any of our problem no this is not any of our fucking problem stop making it our problem do what do you have a corver uh your honor my my husband called me fat the other day oh well we gotta send to the court we're gonna fight this accord yeah it's the same thing we have dog do they have dog custody in court now i think think they do That's part of divorce settlements Who gets the fucking dog That's fucking heartbreaking

Losing your dog to your wife That's worse than losing your kid I don't care about any of it I don't care Both of you caused this Go do MDMA And just deal with it There's no way as bad as either of you are you're not as miserable as I am all the time so just deal with it just deal with it for another

18 years and then you can both fuck off and you don't need to pay anyone anything it's it doesn't this idea that you just like have accrued a stock savings from being together for 18 years is fucking insane. You should have thought of it. You should have learned to code. You could do any, go get married again. You fucking idiot. Did you forget how to fuck? Get a prenuptial agreement.

Although now even judges. It doesn't even work. Yeah, they say prenups don't count anymore. You're like, it's a contract contract how do you explain to a judge how do you explain to a judge who would sentence someone to jail for marijuana that this is i mean they're the they're the the dumb lawyers become judges yeah that's how that works like oh fuck i'm not good enough at being a lawyer judge it out judge i'm gonna sit down all day i'm loving this written house judge though oh you like him i like him he's fun everyone's like mad at him i'm like this guy's great he's

telling little stories i'm like learning lessons and stuff i don't know why but i don't he's reading cookie catalogs in between uh yeah did you see that picture no yeah like there's a little downturn in the case he just pulls open his cookie catalog and he's like at the bailiff he's like what do you think about these yeah like holiday it's like a holiday cookie like catalog you order them i'm like this guy just seems like a great guy he see mail orders cookies good for him i get i want that guy presiding over my divorce crying on his stand yeah that was so embarrassing oh my god come on well it's ridiculous that everybody thinks he was faking it i'm like come on you can't fake looking like a bitch like that nah you can fake that i couldn't fake that any kid could fake crying

to be fair he's i was gonna say he is a kid kids are good at faking that shit yeah exactly kids can't cry they never cry genuinely because they have no sense of they only live in euphoric happiness all day every day is that what you think of childhood men yes are the only ones capable of genuinely crying that's what I'm telling you. That's kind of true. I get that. Dick, what's your problem?

That's why you should never. Women will try to trick you. I'll bring that in at some point. Tricky women. Yeah. You're not allowed to bring women as a problem. I've already did that on the last show. My problem was family court.

There you go. Nailed it. What do you got? Well, Dick, you know, employment's a big problem in this country. That's not my problem, but it is a problem. Okay. People want to be paid a fair wage. They want to be properly compensated for their work.

You know, if you don't control the means of production, surely those who do could throw you a bone and take care of you as a loyal employee. You said something communist, though, I think. Well, we have in this country unions, which I would argue have some uses. They've accomplished some good. But the problem is we got a new type of union coming our way. Okay. That's my problem here today type of union coming our way. Okay. That's my problem here today, Dick.

The woke union. Okay. Woke unions. Yeah. Now. You throw a woke in front of anything. And you got a good problem there? Yeah, you did like woke marketing.

Woke marketing is number one right now. Do you like woke Slim Jims? I try to reserve using that term for when it truly applies because people toss it around a lot. Yeah. But this does feel like an appropriate time to use it. What's a woke union? Well, have you heard of, of course, Image Comics comic book publisher known for such titles as Spawn, Savage Dragon, and Invincible, which is now a popular cartoon on the Amazon Prime. Have you watched Invincible?

Yeah, that was great. It was great, right? Yeah. It's kind of like the spirit of independent comics gets things done. Yeah. But that's all about to come to a grinding halt if the comic collective union gets their way. Now, this is a union that will only involve the office workers of image comics

none of the comic creators none of the writers because they're all cons they're all contractors okay you know like uh even even todd mcfarland i mean he owns part of it but he's uh it's like a separate shell whatever this is just the guys who work in the office probably like type setting or you know fucking social media people there's only nine of them really that's what i read they want to unionize these nine people want to unionize and they say wokeness well here's here's their here's their reasoning okay we the workers of image comics have formed a union for years comic publishing workers have watched our professional efforts support creators and delight readers we've watched that same labor been taken for granted at best and exploited at worst

keeping our heads above water was the new normal before the pandemic blah blah blah blah blah uh we love what we do but loving what you do doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't ask for improvements to your working conditions okay it is with this in mind with great hope for the future of image comics in the comic industry that we announce our intent to form a union okay so i to your working conditions. It is with this in mind, with great hope for the future of Image Comics and the comic book industry, that we announce our intent to form a union. Okay. So I want to give you two points, two things that sound pretty reasonable, right? The workforce is overtaxed and undervalued.

All right. Okay. Sure. I'll give you that. I can get behind that. And we want improvements to our working conditions. Ping pong table. Sure.

Okay. So how do you want how do you want to get that right and the union says well here are the points that we want that we think are going to health care and improvements yeah yeah time off child care decent wage sure yeah i get it a weekend where again improvements right to our working conditions okay sure sounds reasonable okay salary and workload transparency sure makes sense improve staff morale through uh reviews sure of performance detailed record keeping improve career mobility a long-term actionable plan to address the overall lack of diversity. Oh.

Hold on. So they're having a union to fire white people? The authors, artists, and readers who bring comics to life have never been more homogenous. And the stories we publish can only be improved by staffing our organization in a way that more accurately reflects the demographics of our creators, our readership, and the nation as a whole. So we want to be in charge

of hiring people by race by race this will how many somehow racial makeup of nine people i'm sure they're all white well it's in portland so who knows they all probably identify as every fucking thing they only need one black guy to be representative of america if there's nine people. The point is this workforce is overtaxed and undervalued and the only way to address that is to hire more black people or brown people or gay people. Otherwise, they're going to be

overtaxed. There's not even enough. Trans is only 1%. They're not going to get... They can only be trans one day a week if they go to that office. They need improvements to their working conditions. I don't think you understand. But you know what would really improve their working conditions is number nine.

This is the really important one. All right. A renewed commitment to company values through the addition of a collective voting option to immediately cancel publication of any title whose creators have been found to engage in abuse sexual assault racism xenophobia homophobia transphobia anti-semitism islamophobia ableism etc until such time as those creators have engaged in meaningful reparations toward affecting persons so they want the nine people working in the office yeah i assume the janitor gets a fucking vote gets to decide it's two votes which comic books they're allowed to publish they're allowed to go

oh todd mcfarley and said something that sounded kind of racist we're gonna cancel those spawn read number nine i didn't make this up okay so they could cancel any title of a creator who's been found to engage in abuse yes i don't know abuse is kind of murky all of this is purposefully murky sexual assault it's murky they don't say rape they don't say i got a feeling if todd mcfarland raped someone he would be out he would already be out regardless you don't say rape They don't say rape I got a feeling If Todd McFarlane Rapes someone He would be out He would already be out Regardless You don't need to have

A vote on it If Todd McFarlane Becomes a rapist Okay Racism and xenophobia But there's like comics How do they Draw the distinction

Between the creator And the things That they're Drawing Well one thing I didn't think about Did you ever see the book That Frank Miller put out

That now everybody's saying Frank Miller is a secret Islamophobic racist okay after 9-11 he said i'm gonna do a book called holy terror it's gonna be about batman kicking the shit out of uh bin laden okay and then dc was like well we're not gonna let you use batman for that he's like fine i'll make my own guy and he basically made a comic book about a superhero, a Batman-like superhero, going and murdering the shit out of a bunch of, you know, fucking Taliban. And now they're saying, oh, Frank Miller's an Islamophobe. He would not be allowed to have a comic book at Image Comics. One of the great comic creators of all time.

I don't... I think this is like the Big Mac song, kind of. You remember that song? In the 80s? Ableism. Yeah. Xenophobia. Islam.

Racism. Anisemitism. Odyssey. Sesame seed bun. Et cetera. Et cetera. I think they should have kept going. Like, this is like pie.

You got to memorize every type of phobia and ism. But here's the thing. Here's why this is really sinister this is supposed to be a union right like a collective workers to help the worker to help the worker a little more money make yeah have a little bit of job security or whatever so when they announce when they announce we're starting a union all these people come out and they go well of course we fucking love unions why why would i not get behind a union but this is this is not a union thing this is a firing mob right the opposite they've used what was supposed to be a system by which uh workers could collectively

negotiate raises and work conditions are now like, well, let's use that to control creativity and who you're allowed to work with. Yeah. This is insanity. And I looked at this and I'm like, Oh, they're going to fucking do this everywhere. They're going to,

they're definitely going to do it at Netflix. The Netflix employees go, Oh, you're not going to cancel Dave Chappelle? Well, we're going to unionize and one of our union items is that we have the right to, as the workers, the fucking janitor and the receptionist and the social media guy,

we all get to vote on which comedians you're allowed to work with. That's fucking terrifying! Holy shit! They could do that! If they start a union i mean the only the only thing you can do is clean house you clean house oh yeah this you gotta fire everybody if there's only nine of them they're gone that would be so great uh the ceo of base camp did

something like that yeah there was murmurs because uh silicon valley is just ruined with shit like this like there's these um these uh deranged people these deranged people pulling down 180 a year plus stock options sit on their slack channels all day and like come up with new ways to uh ruin yeah to ruin the operation for which they're yeah like they endlessly sit there and come up with praxis ideas like well this is what the company did they'll have their hackathon days like internally where you're supposed to come up with innovative new things and ideas yeah use your own time uh they'll spend that time coming up with like insane ways to shame the company uh implementing weird codes of conduct that expect like master

slave yeah new terminologies to go through there just a bunch of uh just a bunch of um uh etiquette shit this is fuck i'm fucking terrified by this and it really does it is one of those things where i look at it i'm like okay first of all why'd you put it why'd you headquarter your business in portland just leave yeah if you have a business in portland get out now well you still can don't start hiring these people with the pink hair and everything else because you're fucked uh but what you got to do you got a clean house you got to fire all these people yeah because you know what i think is going to happen if this union goes through what i think overnight todd mcfarland goes see you again he has to go start image again i'm gone why would you stick around why would here here's how i look at

it why would i go to image comics and be like i want to make a comic with you knowing that the receptionist at any point could vote to cancel my comic because she doesn't like what i said online like i'm just gonna go yeah i'm gonna go find a publisher that doesn't do that because that's retarded the guy the base camp guy said oh i guess he apologized afterwards he had this big write-up about how politics don't belong at work at all yeah uh and then he later walked it back and then a bunch of people quit over it and he kind of walked it back but god damn i wish one of these people just say you know what fuck you yeah just go fuck go fuck yourselves actually

just take your 108 obviously you're not working all day yeah so fuck off with your 180 000 a year plus health care whatever i also have to pay for look at these fucking organizations that like netflix has these like loud whiny motherfuckers like. Like I want to cancel Chappelle's or Spotify. I want to cancel Joe Rogan. I'm like, we make money. You guys understand that, right? Yeah. We don't make money by making new trans flags.

We make money by putting out this great content that people pay for. You and your homeless trans friends aren't buying Spotify subscriptions. This is the worst part. But like you could just fire those people and replace them with a normal person. Nothing. Yeah. Or nothing. Automate that automate that shit get the proud boys in there well i mean literally why you hire new people anyone in there and they'll just go yeah i don't know just pay me like it's not my job to determine what goes on your platform uh until such time as said creators so they have creators in mind uh have engaged in meaningful reparations

fuck that toward affected you what is it carbon credits racism meaningful reparation for the racism credit if i donate 10 million dollars am i allowed to say the n-word like how does this work you need a box that's a little you can help kids in africa for like three cents a day that's true gotta buy me a couple n-words gotta. That's gotta buy at least a couple. They could eat for the day. I know issue 183 the N-Word Avenger made people a bit upset but I sponsored like 10 of those

African kids. 30 bucks. Yeah, 30 bucks. Are you telling me that's not enough? Is it too much? Is that what you're saying? You want those 10 African kids to not eat rice? Come on now. This seems very scary. I hope company, but I'm worried that companies are just going to roll over. Even if it's not a union.

Again, with these Spotify employees are like, we need to censor Joe Rogan's episodes. And it's your company, man. Why are you like, everybody's like, well, the workers should control the means of production. I'm like, no, they're stupid. And that's why they don't. there's got to be a time they should have like fair treatment but i don't want them in charge of the fucking machine yeah yeah uh especially if the telling me if the machine is racist or not right uh there's got to be a time where they they already killed the middle class by ship outsourcing all the jobs right so the only thing that um i

don't know what to call it the banking industry can do now is target these these people this woke squad right it seems it seems profitable now that biden is elected and they don't need them anymore because they have total control of the united states vis-a-vis the cdc and osha yeah like there's no now that's going away man well they don't if as long if the voting doesn't matter and they could just keep putting in despots who control the country vis-a-vis bureaucratic systems right yeah then they don't need any of these people and they could just keep all the money outsource and keep outsourcing everything they need and then they could let they could help china and africa help all the other countries go through this system of butt fucking

that we've been through yeah and they own the rothschilds could just own everything then they don't need them anymore they needed them to get rid of Trump. But now that it's already happened. Yeah, they don't need to be gone. It's not like student debt's never getting canceled. You know? I'm living a nightmare. Every day is a fucking nightmare.

You should have voted for Trump. I don't think that would have helped necessarily. Couldn't have hurt. I think it would have hurt. I don't think any of this would be different. I really don't. If what? Trump was running the show

They'd still be They'd still have an Image Comics union Trump is not gonna put A stop to it Nah you gotta give them Somebody to go after Can't you guys just run

They'd just be No they were I'll tell you what I went to David Sedaris Thing last night Yeah Reading He reads stories

Right And he was talking about How as soon as Trump left office He just stopped Paying attention to the news And while Trump was president He would exhaust himself All day reading headlines and like obsessing about

what he was saying, what this meant. And it's important to give these people something to do. They need to hate. I need someone to focus on so that they're not like a dog. Yeah. They'll just run themselves ragged because now they've got the playbook. They got no one to hate, but they'll hate anybody.

It doesn't have to be true. I mean, they were mad at fucking Mitt Romney, the most boring motherfucker in the world. Trump had his special gift. He was very good at pissing people off, but that's why he couldn't win because he... Oh, Vito, you stole the election. We stole it because you made it too easy. Okay, is that your problem? My problem is woke unions.

Okay. My problem is crappy slow motion. Yeah. You know, when you're watching a movie, getting really into the action movie, right? Yeah. And then it comes time for this big, awesome fucking punch or something. And they cut to the slow motion that's like all jerky and crappy yeah it's not slow motion right it's like you you took regular film oh you mean like

legitimately crappy slow motion yeah you took the regular film and then you made it down to like 10 frames a second or whatever yeah and you're playing this off like it's regular slow motion this looks this movie is ruined and my disappointment is uh is immeasurable you know what that always ruined for me what uh empire strikes back which part i think we're all connected by these horrible memories. There's that part where he goes into the tree and it's clear. Yeah. That they didn't have. Yeah.

And everybody says that scene ruined the movie, but it's actually the shitty slow motion that they did. Absolutely. Because they didn't want to kick in a couple bucks. Well, at this point I'm like, I know they don't want George Lucas going in and messing with anything, point i'm like i know they don't want george lucas going in and messing with anything but i'm like i think you should just add a couple fucking digitally interpolated frames to

that herky jerky seeing your father in a tree sequence that would be nice it shouldn't be allowed they shouldn't let alec baldwin have any kind of prop guns in movies anymore that should be illegal and they should not let them get away. It should have a warning at least. It says warning. It has a warning for tits. Yeah. Sex, whatever,

which helps no one. Like who has ever been surprised? Oh, it's Titty Blasters 3. You're telling me there's a sexual content in this? I better not take the kids there. Well, whenever you see that slow motion, it means that the filmmakers screwed up. It's an error it takes me out of it yeah well we didn't have enough footage so we slowed this down even though it looks like shit let me play you an

example okay you know what i mean i'm gonna bring back a nightmare this is an example from demolition man uh at the very this is the very end you understand this is the end of the movie the climax uh-huh now i don't know i don't know if i i can't probably can't put the video on youtube the very end. You understand? This is the end of the movie. The climax. I probably can't put the video on YouTube. Right? How long is the scene? It's like 10 seconds. You can put up a 10 seconds clip.

Now, Vito, please remember to get into the movie like you're 14 or however old you were. I love Demolition Man. You know what I found out recently? What? That there is a... If not, I can cut it out. Get into the movie. Like you're 14 or however old you were. I love Demolition Man. Great movie. You know what I found out recently? What? That there is a...

I think it's the 3DO. It was on... Do you know the 3DO? It was like this console no one had. Yeah. They made a Demolition Man video game, but it actually has acting from Sylvester Stallone and Wesley Snipes. Really?

Yeah, like additional scenes, but they're terrible. And like, there's like a Mortal Kombat fighting game where they actually like photograph them doing the Mortal Kombat shit or whatever. Okay. I'm like, shit, I want to play the Demolition Man game now. Okay, we got to find it. Okay, now watch this,

and you'll remember this from when you were a kid. This is when John Spartan is about to get killed by Wesley Snipes, and he sees the cryo freezer,zer, and he grabs the cryo-freezing thing, and watch this. Shitty slow motion. Look at that. Oh, God. Look at that.

Look at that. And then right into good slow motion. Well, yeah, because they did that. Right into amazing slow motion. Well, that was clearly a, what do you call it, a reshoot or a shoot after the fact, because you don't actually see him acting. They went, oh, we don't have enough. We don't have that scene looking good

because we shot it on the wrong. What am I paying for? Right. This is not a complete product. It takes you right out of it. Every time. We're lucky now because I think all the cameras are shooting at 60 frames per second

and then they just reduce it down to 23 after the fact. Back then, you'd just shoot it and it's one and done Movies are all garbage now though These are real classics These are real classics Well I think they could go in They're ruined by shitty slow motion I would enjoy if the director

I mean I want the director to give his approval To replace this? How do you feel about directors altering old movies? I don't care I mean sometimes Because you can just pirate the old Sometimes you get i mean the technology is advanced if you can fix yeah i mean when george lucas started putting poo-poo monsters

and little dance songs and star wars you're like all right buddy this should be for like little technical things okay you want to make the the trench run look a little cooler fine i think you didn't go far enough every scene should have a little alien going Goople gopple Mr. Lucas Skywalker Goople gopple Now that lady dancing In Jabba's palace Oh my god dude

Cause that was a scary place When I saw it as a kid I was like oh man this is fucked When that lady came out I'm so glad they made it so much more fun Imagine how badly our sexual deviance would be if that had been in the original film. All the screaming and lip smacking. At least when we were kids,

we had to deal with monsters that were mostly humanoid because they were guys in suits. And we still got furries out of that, right? Because of mascots. Now kids have Sonic the Hedgehog and fucking Big Lip whores on... What is that from? Like, why did

Big Lip bimbo whores become like a thing? What do you mean? But I'm saying like this cartoon transformation. I don't understand where these fetishes come from. Yeah. It's very bizarre. But that's going to be the future. But the furries, I can draw a line. I'm like, I get it. You watched Tailsp's gonna be the future but the furries i can draw a line

i'm like i get it you watched tailspin you wanted to fuck the the girl rebecca cunningham yeah not molly the problem is i'm thinking about my name is probably louis there was a lot of cross-dressing in that show i did louis where fucking in the pilot blue is like dressing as a lady and dancing around and saying like would you pilot me i would pilot me yeah no what was the kid the kid was kit right yeah yeah okay don't put kids there's no shitty slow motion in that though no but in cartoons there is something there's the wrong color and you know it's gonna move yeah that's like oh great i wonder if this potato stack is gonna be destroyed there you go there it goes because they could have matched the fucking colors up because of

the laziness shitty slow motion it does uh every movie gladiator really bothers empire strikes back uh patriot probably oh i gotta watch the patriot And see if it's in that It ruins A little bit in every action movie And always Immediately ruins it And you think What is Yeah cause you have to play

Why didn't you just play it regularly Why didn't you do it again Well they usually Or when they'll go like Sometimes they'll Play it twice Like what the fuck was that I think their worry is that the audience can't track the motion without slowing it down.

So then shoot it again. Don't give me this shitty... I don't get to pay five bucks for a ticket and then say, oh, I will come back with four. It's kind of a legacy problem, though. There's some ideas that you can sell these ideas that I have, maybe flesh them out. But I guess the argument would be well shouldn't you respect the filmmakers of the time doing the best they could

no it's not it's not if that's the best they could do then no you should not respect them because that's crappy and it takes me out of it every fucking time because I instantly I'm watching a movie I'm not watching I'm not watching John Spartan

I'm watching Sebastian Stallone who shits on plexiglass Above girls in his bed Wait is that a thing? I don't know Sounds like it I've never seen Stallone's sex tape Have you ever seen that? No

He made it like before Rocky I don't watch sex tapes It's like basically assaulting the person. Well, this was one he put out like he was like a porn star. Oh, then no. Yeah. Before Rocky, he did like one porn movie. I heard about that. I haven't

seen it. Well, that's my problem. I heard it has a lot of slow-mo. Is it shitty? Yeah, it's really bad. I know his dick's going into the girl. You don not gonna slow it down It stops being a film It's just like I think Blade Runner had some

Shitty slow motion as well They all do Well it became a crutch for the editor You know and nobody told them Slow that down It's gonna look like shit though These fucking idiots won't... They won't know the difference.

No one will ever call us out on it until now. That was kind of the problem with movies back then, is nobody did know the difference. You could get away with a lot of garbage. I've hated it my whole life. I'm glad that we can finally talk about it. We should fix it. We have the technology.

For once, this is the one time i'm okay with cg being a or just put it like a card in there that says and then he smashed it in slow motion was awesome no like you literally could just go in and uh and it would not be that hard i would actually i could do it on my end i think do it there's been guys let's fix let's fix this like did you ever we could shoot a reach we could reshoot that scene you don't even need to reshoot it you know just that part

yeah just that part part yeah it would be a good channel inserting ourselves into the bad slow mode to fix it yeah it's all of a sudden cuts to us in the same uh from hack the movies could do it since he's just steals our ideas yeah and other people too he had that sign thing oh yeah because he's been taking my bits yeah he's dressing up as me

tony tony from steal my bits name is hack the movies could actually hack he's never hacked a movie as far as i know that's true he should hack the movies and like why you hack a movie add stuff to them or like hack them into something yeah or like put himself in scenes yeah you hack a movie? Add stuff to them or hack them into something. Yeah, or put himself in scenes. Yeah. Hack a movie, Tony, you fucking lazy piece of shit. Okay, what are our problems? Problems are censoring the user. Okay.

Censoring the user? That's kind of... Censoring user comments. No, it was silencing the user. Silencing the user? We can't say anything. Sounds like a Kraftwerks band. Oh, that's kind of cool. Silencing the user. Silencing the user? We can't say anything. Sounds like a Kraftwerks band.

Oh, that's kind of cool. Silencing the user. I like it. I like silencing the user. All right. What's the other one? Woke unions. Woke unions.

Okay, mine are family court. RIP low tank. That really has had me bummed out all week. I know, me too. And I didn't even know the guy Yeah I did

You knew You actually had spoken to him And knew him To me it was just like Yeah I text him every once in a while That reminds me of a time In my life When everything seemed good

It was weird too Because I had this weird sense Of like well the internet's dead And now he's dead Yeah It's I mean There's nothing about the internet

Well also just to look at What happened to him And I'm like At the end of his life He was streaming to 30 people eating sausages. Doesn't the man deserve more for everything he gave us? Yes. Yeah.

And the worst part is that everybody just runs with this, like, he's a domestic abuser shit as though it's fucking fact. Yeah. Because they're all young and kids And they don't understand how complicated Relationships are And women lying is Women are liars Yeah

And exaggerate So Well he might have backhanded a lady once Does that mean But even if he did Might have given her a smack Might have given her a little smack there But sometimes you gotta keep your lady in line

No come on Family court in shitty slow motion. There you go. Okay. You want to check the chat? Yeah, well, let's do voicemails. Let me do voicemails. This is biggest problem.

Go to patreon.com slash biggest problem to support the show and get the bonus episode. Bonus episode. We got two of them up there already, and they're both winners. Yes. Having a small penis. Should I ruin the bonus episode problems non-connecting parking lots democracy and true crime hysterics uh having small penises leading the votes right now surprise surprise well you'll get the official total on the

uh the third bonus episode i think is when we yeah determine the winner of that one yeah okay uh see you guys we're gonna do voicemails after this bye or do i or do i just go into them i don't fucking know i can't remember why would people want to hear the theme again you should have a little card that like has the structure of the show and yeah what order to do things like buying has yeah? Yeah. Say goodbye. Leave the room. Talk about Negroes. Shower with your daughter. Think about showering with your daughter. Shave a little girl's hair. He grabbed a little boy's head

today. Did you see that? It smelled good, apparently. That's what I've learned from Biden. He just loves the smell of children. He grabs his head like in Hereditary, the movie, like a demon coming out through the headboard, grabbing this little boy's head i just wanted to smell what his shampoo smells like we don't care why you're doing it just stop stop it knock off kids bro i'm kissing them and shit uh okay trump never kissed a kid i'll say that that's a positive what's the draw do you hit like 50

years old and all of a sudden you want to love kids he's from that generation where children are the future or something the pedophile generation yeah that's what they all were no from 1957 to 1960 then you have a fuck about yeah today we need kids because we have this fucking ponzi scheme called social security so crank out kids hey vito hey dick hi i got a biggest problem for you guys it's modern web pages you remember back in the day when a web page would just load yes it wouldn't it wouldn't load anything else it would just everything would load and that was it yeah nowadays we've got web pages that load the url box it shows it's not it's done everything's loaded yeah but then the web page itself continues to load all these different elements and graphics and things because yeah

i don't know why it's like because they're optimizing it for speed because of google has turned into a unique piece of software now that you're downloading on your computer and using. You remember you used to be able to... This is downloading HTML. ...look at different things. It would load new pages, right? And then if you saw a cool article about it, you'd copy the URL and send it to a friend, you know, just like Control-C. We're going to be talking about this in a rest home

someday. Remember when there were websites? Remember when? Websites? Remember when there was a website? Slideshows, pictures, what have you. I don't know. YouTube video.

Same thing with YouTube. Remember when it was YouTube? Just watch the video now. It's something entirely different because you browsing in the web page. All right, all right, all right. Yeah, I remember that. Thanks. Thank you.

Here's another one. Hey, Dick. Hey, Vito. You know what I got a problem with? Bad sandwich metaphors. I heard you guys do one of these like last week, I think. Someone will describe something as a shit sandwich, but then they will describe it as in it's shit on either side of a good thing. That is a compliment sandwich with shit bread and everyone does this it's fucking crazy that people don't seem to understand a conceptual sandwich

I get it I get what he's saying I don't get it shit sandwich should be something shitty hidden inside the bread a shit sandwich is like a turkey sandwich around something good No

A compliment sandwich Is Not an edible sandwich It's like When you have two compliments Around something crappy In the middle Right

So a shit sandwich Should be two shitty things Around one good thing Or at least A good thing wrapped in a bad thing well according to this guy yeah but it's not i don't think you're gonna think that hard about it i don't know is this really a sticking point for you the shit sandwich metaphor yeah he gets really okay with it i usually understand what people are talking about

okay here's another i don't use that phrase though i never use shit sandwich i don't know me either never what about that what's that phrase uh nothing burger that's the worst i've used that i use it about covid only covid yeah it's the day where did that come from the day lockdown what is a nothing burger uh it's just bread yeah but like who came up with that term all right i don't know. Why don't you call it a nothing sandwich? That uses bread. What about a nothing sandwich?

What about a nothing hoagie? I don't know. It's a real nothing hoagie. All right, here you go. Here's another favorite who calls in from time to time. No, not this fucking guy. It's a different guy, isn't it? It's real much old man Manny Savage. It's now or never. Don't be cool It's a real macho man, Randy Savage. It's now or never.

Don't be cool by playing the imposter's voicemail. See, it's a real one. Oh, the real one called it. The imposter's in with my blue suede shoes. We're going to shake, rattle, and roll all over the place. It's Elvis. I'm going to put him in the headlock. Wait, is it Macho Elvis?

Yeah. And we're going to do the jail? Yeah. It's Elvis. This is an Elvis impression. See? Why does he sound like Macho Man? He doesn't. He sounds like Elvis Presley. Alright, alright.

I don't get this bit. It's Elvis. How is that Elvis? It's clearly Macho Man. He's talking about all of his songs. But he's saying it as Macho Man. No, he's talking about his songs. He's Elvis talking about going to the chapel and return to sender.

Blue suede shoes. These are Elvis songs. I don't know what the songs are. I'm saying that Elvis Sounded like Ooh Thank you very much He had a very

Sounds the same No he's got a gravelly Macho man They're different voices He's saying Elvis Was not a macho Man Not necessarily

He was more of a Incel He hated women And they wronged him All the time And he talked about it And sang about it Well don't marry a 14 year old he was like oh you're

the devil in disguise okay one more hey KVO here's a maybe two problem okay this is schools handling of serious events or serious problems so there's this new thing in

the news right now where this girl had reported rate a rape incident and um the the guy that was reported that did it you know the other student they cops interviewed him he confessed to he got charged and then the school suspended her over it and they refused to comment if anything just makes me think you know think back to my own time when i was in school and you know uh repeatedly the school would uh throw me in and out of uh of like detention just for fighting back i've had instances where you know bullies yeah you can't fight your bully back you're both responsible for food on me you know and start hitting me out of nowhere

because you were a nerd yeah because you suck that's why where did you go to school oh wow thank you the kid barely got anything and then I got like three weeks of in school suspension

schools don't really keep they stress this whole thing for reporting a kid and bullying and everything for even standing up for themselves well there's an easy solution to that you're to teach uh kids anything they're just here to just give more money to fucking teach no they're all idiots yeah man anyways go fuck yourself As I always say to anyone in American high school, in American middle school, whatever it is, elementary school,

bring a gun to school. That's my standard advice. There's nothing but benefits. Yeah. Your female classmates will learn to respect and love you. Yeah.

Your male classmates will learn to respect and fear you. And that's what you want. An armed society is a better society. Yeah. No matter, it's not like only 18. Don't worry about, you know, you probably.

It's all society. You got acne, you're a little too short, you're not good at basketball. All that goes away when you start bringing a gun to school. Okay. So think about it. Take that to heart. Here's the last voicemail. Yeah, of course you're going to play that one.

Peter's a fucking idiot. God damn it. I want headphones attached to my phone. Said like a man who's never worked out a fucking day in his life. I worked out with fucking headphones. They knock out the first fucking time you go to pick something up. You're a fucking idiot.

You can use a fucking He's saying your headphones fall out when you work out all your shit falls out you catch a weight on it and your phone goes scattering across the gym and your ear things fall out and get all tangled up and another guy's ear things and then your two guys are getting all sweaty and your fucking air pods fall out or whatever no they don't fall out i've had i've never had any problems i've been to a fucking gym and i used headphones and whatever i go on a been to a fucking gym and I used headphones I go on a run with a headphone cord

And it's like rubbing all over And catching on my stuff It's a huge pain in the ass Regardless you can have wireless headphones That use a USB fucking thing You shouldn't be allowed to have the other kind You can just use bluetooth at that point I still want the jack

For other fucking purposes What if i want to plug it into like a speaker and the speaker ruin a party yeah okay ruin a party here's super chats we have mike hunt infamous lolly artist shad man was arrested on charges of assault with a deadly weapon i thought you two would want to know i think i think he already bailed out oh did he yeah when i read the thing everybody's like acting like he's in jail right now i'm like he just bailed out attacking someone with a deadly weapon they tried to get me on those charges one time they said i tried to hit a cop with my car i got charged with assault well no they did the same thing ralph got they dropped the charges immediately though yeah it was assault with a deadly weapon on a police officer.

And I'm like, well, I'm going to jail forever. What did you do? I drove down the wrong street. And the cop was like, you almost fucking clipped me. That street was roped off. And I'm like, I didn't fucking know. You guys didn't, you know, so they put an assault on a cop. Yeah, they said they said I tried to hit him with my fucking car.

I'm like, dude, I just took a fucking right turn. There was a cop there. All right. I stopped the car. They ripped me out of it and fucking. Yeah, it sucked. It's dumb. dude i just took a fucking right turn there was a cop there all right i stopped the car they ripped me out of it and fucking uh yeah it sucked that's dumb it was very dumb i only got a couple here uh stupid riley says tony no i love you riley tony has hacked night of the living dead with tab okay sounds hilarious i love that tony the movie hack hacking them up david mason for two dollars

says ai can double the frame rate of videos yeah exactly i don't want ai doing it i think well it looks like shit and i don't want to call the ai call it interpolating something it's not fucking ai and i don't want any i don't want any kind of fucking algorithm around it. I want it to be actually on film. No, they got a little Haley Joel Osment robot that does it. He goes in individually and paints every frame. I don't want to be the last guy on Earth that knows that what I'm looking at is not real. That's what I'm looking at.

In the future, being 100 years old, going to a movie and thinking, none of this is real. How can you guys not fucking tell that all of this is made by a computer? You could just have a human do it, though i was gonna bring it up before you know that kick from uh return of the jedi or uh luke skyward supposed to be kicking a guy on the sand skiff and he misses him by like 20 feet yeah and somebody on uh youtube made like a whole tutorial i was like you can just like you know use blur and whatever to make his kick his leg a little longer

okay it looks convincing you can just do stuff like that now i can i can tell shut up you can't fucking tell uh it was as a benjamin gibson and the patriot held the flag and charged the british officer i thought it was pretty cool isn't some slow-mo warranted if it's not shot i don't think he understands the problem you have to shoot at the. You have to shoot at the right frame rate. You have to shoot at the right frame rate or else you slow it down

and it jerks and you just see the frames that are paused on for longer than it should be. You have to double the frame rate. You have to run the film, what, quicker, right? Okay.

That's it. Thanks for coming by, guys. Again, bonus problem available at patreon.com slash biggest problem. And don't forget to vote on the problems at biggestproblem.show.

Bye.