The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 17 - Diamonds are for Vitophiles

Episode Date: November 22, 2021

Political Canonizations, Pedophile Symbol Conspiracies, Presidental Turkey Pardons, Domain Squatters

It's been quite a day, quite an international men's day. Oh, man! International, passive-aggressively complain about men's day. They really did do that, huh? On this international men's day, we're celebrating making men and women work together more better in promoting women at the workplace and in STEM and building back more women. They really did say, like, today on International Men's Day, we want to celebrate all the men who boost women. Can you just shut the fuck up?

We're allies to women. Yeah, shut the fuck up. You know what? No man ever is. If you think one of us is an ally, you need to check your panties, because you've been hit by a smooth criminal. I was excited, though, that who saved Kyle? White women. Seven of them.

I couldn't believe it. You don't know that. You don't know that. That might have been the holdouts. There could have been one guy in there going, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. The guys, the five guys in that jury just got to get like, look, we got to get on the fucking top of these rods. If you see one thinking, you go, ah, ah, ah.

And that was it. That was the entire deliberation. I'm looking forward to that jury breakdown. I want to know what went on. I want to know all about them. Okay, let's get to it. Let's go. Let's do it.

Biggest Problem in the Universe. Oh, welcome to The Biggest Problem in the Universe. The only show that ranks every problem in the universe from killing dads to slow-mo that looks bad. How do you like that? I'm your host, Dick Madison. Joining me as always is Vito Giswanti. Hi, Dick. I'm excited to be here. Man, happy International Men's Day. Happy International Men's Day.

And what a men's day it is. One of the greatest men has just been, I'm getting in trouble. I got yelled at for like an hour. An acquaintance. I got one of those long lost no I actually like was it the guy that Kyle tried to shoot

yeah yeah yeah how could you support him go way back no it was like an old buddy of mine he's mad that I'm all pro you know not put

17 year olds in prison pro self defense yeah oh thank god thank Jesus when that verdict came down oh thank Christ

oh thank god oh yeah cause like what else now if you could do me a favor and take the idea the folklore Oh, thank God. Thank Jesus. When that verdict came down, oh, thank Christ. Oh, thank God. Well, yeah, because, like, what else? Now, if you could do me a favor and take the idea, the folklore, Kyle, that everyone has in their head, give him the death penalty. Sure. But the actual boy, please let him walk. Let him be allowed to, when a guy comes at you, you can shoot him. Like, come on. Do you know how fucking lucky you were, kid?

I just want somebody to say, like, kid, you know that, like this? Shoop, shoop, shoop, shoop, shoop, shoop, shoop. I mean, you miss, you gun jab, shoop, shoop, shoop, shoop. Like, you've seen a Western, right? Shoop, shoop, shoop, shoop, shoop. He really did come out of that situation, like, incredible. That one guy, he shoots him in the arm and then he just stops. He, like, nailed it.

Thank God. Like a once in a lifetime John Wick situation from that kid. And then nailed it. Thank God. It's like a once in a lifetime. Thank God. John Wick situation from that kid. And then he dodges seven women. Yeah. Come at him in the trial. It's turning into my show. If only, I hope, pray to God that he can dodge the adoration of the right.

Dude, I really do want him to start a streaming channel. I want him just to stream video games games After what they did to Gina Carino Stay far Don't even accept compliments from the right Just say like yeah you know I'm super liberal They ruined Gina Carino Okay Last week

Yes Family court Fuck I was Come on I was so close Yeah but I paraded my dead friend in here. Yeah, that's bullshit. You got the emotional angle on it. It was like neck and neck for a while.

Whatever it takes, man. Yeah. Maybe you have a dead silence the user, somebody. You could bring it next time. How close was it? It was close. Yeah, it was close. It was close.

This close. You guys got to vote for me more, by the way. If one of my problems maybe intrigues you. Because Dick's fans just get on there and they go, yeah, it's Dick. I'll vote him up. I think the veto files in the audience need to step it up a little bit. What? That's what your guys are, the veto files.

Well, I can't put it on the site because then people won't sign up for it. What do you mean? That's just a gimmick. It's not like we don't actually keep score. Yeah. I just was worried that if somebody had the chance to sign up

and then like, well, I don't want to sign up as a veto file. Look, if you're not poisoned by irony and sarcasm, you're not giving money to this show. I don't know. That's what I realized over the years after consistently having bad takes. Like, no, the people who are giving me money are like, okay, well, Nick's being a little wacky on this one.

But I like what he says about blowing up the Federal Reserve. All right, well, Team Veto File. You can't do Team. I think Veto File is enough. Yeah, I know. Not Veto Files. You can't do Team. I think VetoFile is enough. Yeah, I know. Not VetoFiles. Team Pedophile. Yeah.

They got it. Silencing the User came in second. That's a good one. Woke Unions came in after that. I know. It got two good ones. Yeah, and then Shitty Slow Motion was hovering right around zero. Yeah.

Which I don't understand. I mean. I think the problem is that the problem's already been solved, right? You don't see it modern. I guess that's true. It's like an ancient problem. Yeah. It's like saying, you know, I can't move my rocks well enough, and then a guy invents

the wheel. Problem solved. Moving rocks is still a big problem. Is it? Yeah. Rocks still exist all over the place. Yeah, but we have a lot of ways to deal with it. Okay, big N8 aged student Violence is inevitable bring back legal

Ceremonial dueling he says I don't know why he said that but it was at the top Maybe for family court I don't know Duderino Rossellini oh my god I'm dying Baloo going would you pilot me I would pilot me For fuck's sake That's amazing haha oof can Oof. Can't stop.

Thank you, guys. I like that. He typed the whole thing. Yeah, he had a whole conversation. Oof. Ha ha ha ha ha. Can't stop. Mr. S says,

God damn it, Vito. Last week, Dick said macho man impersonators are the new Elvis impersonators. He even explained it at the end, but you blabbered over it. Did you remember that joke? Okay, so it was a call.

Did you recognize that it was a callback as it was happening? Well, yeah, because I said it. Inviting people to call in endlessly as Macho Man. And the first one I played, you're not, this guy again? Yeah, but then he starts talking about he's Elvis. And I didn't make the connection that because Macho Man impersonators are the new Elvis impersonators. It's a very convoluted bit. It's not really. It's not really. It's Macho Man is the new Elvis impersonators. Uh-huh. It's a very convoluted bit. It's not really.

It's not really. It's Macho Man is the new Elvis. Okay. But that doesn't mean that we don't go like, oh, we go like,

oh, I get that, but then if you call in as Macho Man pretending to be Elvis, now it's convoluted. I'm sorry that you can't understand the sophisticated dickhead army

nuanced, sophisticated comedy and humor I'm sorry that you can't understand The sophisticated dickhead Army Nuanced Sophisticated comedy and humor Of Randy the Macho Man Savage Making Elvis references Are we gonna get Are we gonna get other Famous historical figures As Macho Man

Is that Well if they call in Are you gonna go What is it What's this all I'm gonna go Oh it's this guy again Ah this guy again

Okay In the future Any more Macho Man bits I will quietly listen What is it? What's this all? I'm going to go, oh, it's this guy again. Oh, this guy again. Okay. In the future, any more Macho Man bits, I will quietly listen to this fucking stale, dying fucking bit. Stale, dying bit. It goes on way too long.

I take back my Vito file laugh. All right. Vital said, I honestly had no idea Vito did that bit in the intro live. People love your live bit. Some people like it and some people

don't. Who doesn't like it? I don't know. It's one of those things where one guy says he doesn't like it and you start second guessing yourself. No, if it doesn't fit what you already think, get it rid of it out of your mind. I like it. I have fun with it. Glenn Lentz, Dick, you owe it to yourself and us to release your

early movie. It's the Dick Mansions prequel. At least put it behind a paywall. You'd think nobody would pay for that shit. I'm never releasing that movie I made when I was 16. Yeah, you guys are not going to see my public access show anytime soon either, sadly. I might put Prison Planet up. How the prison planet's been unearthed. Ryan Christensen, that was a brutal way to learn of Low Tax's death.

I went on a crazy emotional rollercoaster. Some very strong conflicting feelings does that mean gay I've been watching great gaming garbage for years and I'm an admirer of his comedic work and collaborations despite the controversy I really did connect with his madness as so many damaged lost creative people did he was a fearless person and I admired that it's a strange it's sad story that all the revelry in his passing is the comments section of some news articles online is genuinely disturbing uh i've been genuinely upset still yeah and it makes no sense i mean i cried into a cheeseburger

yeah i got i got this big juicy cold juicy double western bacon cheeseburger at Carl's Jr. The smell reminded me of low tax and I could hear his laugh I've just been like going through his old archives and the old like something awful archives and I'm like

oh the future seemed so bright at one point It was like oh comedy is going to be like this new, exciting thing. That we're going to control on the internet. Yeah. Now it's not. They took it back from us. They ripped it out of our fucking hands.

Don't worry. We got a new space. I hope so. Web 3 with NFTs and these sorts of things. I got a package, a very special package for you. Oh, boy. That we're going to open at the end of the show. I'm excited.

Okay. I like presents. Speaking of going into the bold new frontier. Yeah, that'll make me feel better. I don't know. I was just watching some old something awful videos, and I'm like, yeah. There was something there. Yeah.

And there was something I had never seen. Have you ever seen the Green Expo video? I was watching it. It's on the Gaming Garbage channel. I highly recommend watching it. It's on the Gaming Garbage channel. I highly recommend watching it. It's just low tax hyping you up for, it's the 2013 Crane Expo. Yeah, sorry.

I gave a spit take there. I was laughing. It was good. I had a comment to bring in from Wolf of O-O Street. U-Woo. U of Owo Street. Uwu. Uwu Street, yeah. One of our people on a previous show had said that the Roman salute came from the First Reich, the First Reich being the Romans.

Okay. That's not true. The First Reich was the Holy Roman Empire, which was not actually Rome. Oh, I see. Because the Italians, the Pope called them the Holy Roman Empire, but they're not actually Romans. Is this like an Italian thing why you brought this in? No, because it makes-

Italians set the record. Well, because you said that doing the thing with your arm that I'm not going to do comes from the Romans. What was this? What's that? Sliding into home base. Yeah. Is this the anti-Nazi salute? You go down

like this towards your feet? He says the Holy Roman Empire had nothing to do with the Roman Empire. The Nazis appropriated old Germanic icons and symbols, but it had nothing to do with the actual Romans. Okay, well.

Whatever, I just like when someone tells me I'm right. Vote up Christopher Columbus then. Yeah. All right, because he's Italian. Okay, are you ready for my first problem? Yeah, sure. Fine. Presidential turkey pardons.

Woo! But dick. What is that? What's the ting? That's a ting For like a success Oh that's a good one Hey

How about you pardon Julian Assange? While you're out I mean Yeah Like do we all have to Just light ourselves on fire? Are you fucking serious with this pantomime of this mockery of justice?

Just shit right in my mouth. This turkey gets a pardon. Yuck, yuck, yuck. How about Julian is saying, how about literally anybody? How about the millions of guys who's selling weed, selling me weed? I mean, just like anybody. You just murdered like a bunch of kids.

You murdered seven kids and you pre-pardoned anybody who might be responsible in the military. I love that the military came out. We had all forgotten about it and the military came out

with a press release saying, you know what, we looked into it and actually it was nobody's fuck up. We're good. We pardoned everybody.

All those fucking kids deserve to die. Did you pardon the kids? Yeah, we're pardoning the kids too. Everyone gets a pardon. What about the turkey? It's a joke. It's a fucking joke that they make us swallow. It's the worst thing.

Isn't it funny that you were not going to kill this thing? Even though we normally would just kill indiscriminately constantly. But we're going to pardon this one. We're going to call all these guys for various crimes. And it's so fucking cute. It's sickeningly cute. It makes me sick. My entire esophagus, my entire digestive tract from my throat,

from my tongue to my asshole clenches with over-sweetened sickness when I hear about the presidential turkey pardon every year. I wanted Trump to just come out with a bat and go, boom, motherfucker. Watch the NFL on Fox this season. Poop, home run derby that turkey. It really is a mockery of justice. It's like of all the things to joke about. Pardoning is the absolute last one.

You can sit in the Oval Office and randomly pardon people, and I think it would be more just than our justice system. It's like if the president came out and said, for Easter, we're going to carpet bomb you with candy. And it's like, well, just don't connect it to actual things. Yeah, just give candy out. We're giving out fake look. The CIA will be distributing fake looking crack cocaine to black kids.

No, just give them candy. Give them candy. They have to dress it up as this horrible thing that reminds us of everyday injustice. We're going to be vaccinating you against taxes. Come on! Knock it off. Enough with the puns! Just stop!

Somebody, somebody, at some point in the chain, take one thing seriously for like a week straight. I'm pardoning Kyle Rittenhouse preemptively because this is totally fucked what's happening to him. It is like weird how the government tries to be cute. Handing out pens. You ever seen them sign in laws and the president's got like 47 pens and everybody's like they're like salivating.

Yeah. I got a pen. He didn't sign it with each of them, right? It's just one of them. It's a fucking pen. Get fucked. Just walk out into one of them. It's a fucking pen. Get fucked. Go, just walk out into one of those machines that shreds tires. Yeah.

Just park it at every door. Like, I got my pen. Wah! Salute it. They always have this fucking smirk. Salute the president does when they're saluting

the army guys when they're walking. Have you ever seen them do that? Like, I'm in the army too. The Easter egg shit. The Easter egg egg hunt at the White Rose.

Yeah. There's a lot of the first lady doing the theatrics as gets involved. I wish that we, I wish we didn't even have that term.

Yeah. What term are we going to use to refer to the president's wife? We're never going to refer to her. So we don't need't need a term she has no she has nothing to do with any of this yeah why why cargo containers stacked three higher than you can see at the biggest port in the world and we're fucking fucking around with pardoning turkeys and bullshit god grow up it really is weird that like we're expected to want our government to be cute you know what it is it's like it's like i'm not well yeah i think it's like the whole royal family thing that we're still like oh you know

monarchy's terrible but we want to like pointlessly obsess over these people and their lives and their little you know where parting the turkey came from? Where? Happy Thanksgiving by the way, everybody. Big Turkey started it. Big Turkey? Bro, it actually has an insidious past. Really? Parting the Turkey. Really? Back in 1947, the National Turkey Federation

first began donating turkeys to the White House because they were alarmed that Truman's proposal for a poultry-less Thursdays. So Truman said, we're not going to have poultry on Thursday. So Big Turkey said, let's get some turkeys in there for Thanksgiving. Why did Truman say that? Was there a...

I don't know. The old guy just came up with stuff sometimes. You can say whatever you wanted back then. I had no turkey on Thursdays. Well, the president said it. So Truman accepted the Big Turkeykeys thing and ate it. So then it became like Diamonds Forever. It wasn't always just eating a big turkey.

Well, I assumed that maybe it was, you know, because you don't have to have turkey on Thanksgiving. You could have a ham or something. So it's better. It is better. Turkey's fucked. Well, you can have a pretty good turkey But

It's never gonna be as good as like If you got like a roast Like a Like a fucking prime rib Or something Yeah Maybe a bunch of gummy worms I feel like you eat turkey

And you're like Well yeah it's tradition But You have to dump gravy all over it Cause a fucking big turkey Went after the president At the perfect time When we were building up nuclear bombs. They got right in there.

So then the idea of pardoning a turkey originated with Reagan. Journalists were peppering him on the Iran-Contra shit that was going on. Jesus fucking Christ. This is true. And they said, well, what about, are you going to pardon Oliver North? And he goes, you know, I'm going to pardon one of these turkeys. And then they just took it and ran with it because it was so funny it was so funny that everyone's like ah yeah fuck fuck the iran contra thing tell us about the turkey again he's like yeah next year i'm gonna pardon another fucking turkey we're gonna

do it every year fuck you this is about i'm the president united states i don't give a fuck wait did it really get started with the fucking Iran-Contra shit? Yes. Yeah. And people say JFK started it because he's like this, you know, he's such a caring individual.

Yeah, a lot. Again, the royal family thing. They tried to make JFK like the new royals, the American royals. Yeah, well, that's my first problem.

Pardon, go fuck yourself. Pardon, just stop stop being cute with the government and it started exactly with what

annoys I didn't know this I had to look it up for the show it was like oh it started in exactly what would have infuriated me

30 years ago which is the president going pardon fucking over north you know what I'm gonna pardon this fucking turkey

how about that I think I laughed harder at that one than any other uh problem you've ever brought in thanks just the simplicity of uh why not pardon julian assange is like wow can't do that how about this fucking turkey though oh yeah they eat it up at home all these fucking idiots that vote. Eat this shit up. Well, Dick, that's a great problem. Thanks. I've brought a problem of my own. Problem that I brought in. This came into my mind.

Should we watch this video real quick? From this account called Libs of TikTok. Now, I know there are people listening right now and they go, oh, I love those guys. They own those libs. Yeah, they do. Always owning the libs. Okay, but this is bullshit. Just play it just to get the audio.

They're watching Lilo and Stitch. Yeah. So we're watching Lilo and Stitch, and I've seen this movie a hundred times, but I've never noticed this. So they're zooming in on Lilo's wall or bedroom wall. Why does she have a whole bunch of ass and body on her wall? Yeah. And they're freaking out. Look right here.

They're pointing at all the boyfriends helping her out. Fucking crack team. In a children's movie, bro. Ass. So they're like, why on her thing is there ass and tits and pictures? And everybody in the comments is going, well there you go that's Disney hiding, you pause it now

that's Disney hiding all their secret pedophile codes in the movie and that is the problem I bring to you today secret pedophile codes now first of all let's address this bullshit if you've seen the movie Lilo and Stitch stitch we established

that the character of lilo likes to take pictures of fat dumpy tourists yeah it's funny it's funny it's a fat people at walmart it's a it is a fat joke yeah and she has pictures of fat people on her wall because fat people are funny big fat butts are funny yeah so all you people right now in the comments going well that's just the pedophile agenda that's the only reason you should have those pictures on our wall it's because it's going to condition kids to want no shut the fuck up you have no idea what you're talking about and this is what they always do they've got a million fuck everybody's so smart that they figured out all the secret codes that are going to get their kids raped how'd you figure it out how How are you so fucking smart?

Yeah. Pizza handkerchiefs. Pizza handkerchiefs. Pizza. We've got flavors in. Map. Olives. I mean, you saw a big one, what, last year.

Let's go straight to that one. Here's a good tweet from Unicorn Plushie. People suspect that they're selling people in these large boxes storage cabinets on wayfair oh dude because they're the same project but they have different names and they're fourteen thousand dollars so you're you're buying a child if you buy one of these dressers that's one of their codes see like we found one of these dressers is named kyla and there's a girl named kyla who's missing so if you buy that dresser you get to rape her and they send her right to your house.

Yeah they send her in a box. Shut the fuck up. Shut up. You don't know what the fuck you're talking about. What is wrong with you conspiracy theory fucktards? Do you know what that Wayfair thing was? It was that they put products up for an insane price so somebody

doesn't buy it because they don't have it in stock. And they don't want to lose their search listing. Yeah. That's why. Yeah. Easily explainable. So they're like, well, why would they do that? Well, because no one would buy it and they don't want to lose the URL.

They don't want to lose the listing on Amazon. Yeah. They'll lose all the fucking whatever. No, they must be selling kids. Look, see? This one's marked down. See, she used to be 16,000, but now she's only 13,75.

As though a guy with enough money to be buying kids is gonna be cruising with it. For DL Wayfair! The problem was that it wasn't easy enough for us. Like, uh, Offendi, we made this much easier for you to buy. Can you just go to Wayfair? Like, can't I just email you? I'm spending 17 grand. Can't we handle this anywhere

else? Like, can't you email me directly? I have to go to the Wayfair and put my credit card in the... And then what? Do you look at the dresser and you gotta go, oh, Kyla. Well, shit, I gotta go... Oh, there's like 10 Kylas that went missing. Which kid am I gonna get? Sounds like a hot name. Yeah, but you don't fucking know. Why would they use the

real name? Why wouldn't they use, like, a sexy-sounding name? All these people have I don't know man I just printed out all this bullshit. Now a lot of the problem comes there was this thing the FBI January 2007 they put out. Have you ever seen this thing that people always put up? Yeah. Of all the secret fucking

codes where they're like if it's a triangle inside of a triangle it means you rape kids if you got a heart inside a heart it means you rape girls or whatever. And you're like, bro, sometime... And then they'll go on Etsy or some shit and someone's like, oh, I made this cool triangle necklace. I made a heart with a heart inside of it.

Like the simplest fucking idea for a thing ever. And they're like, oh, look at all the pedophile jewelry on Etsy. See, the pedophiles, they buy that pendant and they wear it around so if you want to prostitute your daughter, you can see someone wearing that uh i printed out a fucking uh news article with that shit thank god they didn't make the stussy logo the fbi yeah you know you think should we make that stussy logo thing and no no no no that would be like here was a news article

where this lady bought a toy for her daughter it It was like this pink monster truck, but it's got that little heart and a heart symbol on it. So they got the company to do a complete recall. The Monster Jam toy contains a symbol, a calling card for creeps. This is a code for pedophiles to symbolize. So what happens in that scenario in their mind? You're mass selling cars with the pink thing on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I imagine pedophiles are out and they're like,

I want to rape that kid. Someone goes, whoa, she doesn't have the truck. And you're like, oh, okay, okay. Only the ones who have the pink truck with the fucking... Meanwhile, heart and heart, what is that, Dick? You ever seen that fucking logo? The candy bar? That's the good humor logo.

Yeah. Okay, it's not a pedophile logo. Stop, stop thinking that you're smarter than the rest of the fucking world. You know,

here's what you do to get out of buying your girlfriend jewelry. Just show her all the jewelry and then whatever she picks, you know, no,

baby, that's a pedophile. That's a pedophile symbol. That's a secret pedophile symbol. I don't want anyone... Diamonds are for pedophiles. And you already look very young. I don't want anyone

mistaking you for a nine-year-old. And then... Diamonds are for pedophiles. I know you love Tariq. That's a want anyone mistaking you for a nine-year-old. And then... Diamonds are for pedophiles. I know you love Tariq. That's a good one. Diamonds aren't for pedophiles. That's the slogan.

Diamonds are not forever. They're for pedophiles. Diamonds are for pedophiles. I heard it on... I looked at... That's what they say. It's not Chex Snopes. It's not disproven, so...

We should spread that, actually. Diamonds are for pedophiles. We spread that diamonds are a pedophile signal to destroy, that would actually destroy the diamond industry if everybody got on board. That would pit my two most hated groups against each other. Complete retards and people who see pedophile symbols everywhere. It would actually work, though, because everybody is so convinced of these secret symbols

that they go fucking nuts. And then every woman that gets a proposal is like oh look what he got me like next time a celebrity gets a big diamond ring go you know big diamonds are a pedophile symbol signal that you fuck kids i know you love uh tarikheed. I do love that guy. Yeah, well he wants to stop your kids from getting buck broken. So he was watching a children's cartoon and as we can clearly see that is a pedophile

symbol on the kid's shirt there. Indicating that that kid is ready to be It's literally just a spiral. That's the fucking Dreamcast logo, okay? Oh, that's a better file. And of course, the great Andy Worski. Now, this one doesn't have colors,

but I don't know if you remember this one where he goes, oh, look, they're literally riding on the map flag. And it was just like a fucking multicolored float. What would you put the map flag... What would sneaking it in do? Yeah, exactly. That's the question.

They always go, well, it's like Kramer talking about write-offs. Well, I don't know, Jerry, but they're the ones sneaking it in. They always go, well, they snuck it in. What happens if the kid has a fucking spiral shirt? Like, does a kid see that and subconsciously get raped somehow? Like, what happens? Does that signal to pedophiles watching the show, like, solidarity?

Like, hey, we got your back? It's like the black glove at the Olympics, right? Respect. Don't give up. Don't give up. You gotta be strong, brother, because you're there. He's there, like, getting discouraged. I don't know if I even want to rape kids anymore. And then you see that cartoon, and you're like, oh, those guys got my back.

Kids aren't eating his NyQuil. He's trying to get, and he's all discouraged. And, like, we snuck this fucking message of positivity for you in the cartoon so you could get, like, you know, like a boost for your self-esteem. Look, man, if somebody wants to rape your kid, they're not going to do it with, like, semaphore, okay? Like, with flags and smoke signals and shit. It's probably going to be you, actually.

First of all, it's going to be your kid's coach or you or this teacher. Or your dad. Okay? And they're not going to come over your house and, like, draw a little spiral on your fucking newspaper and be like, Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you probably already know. You're just an idiot and you won't stop them. Just, if you're worried about pedophiles,

stop worrying about these dressers. Guys, if you want to find pedophiles, just go on the sex registry. Don't do that. Well, just pay close attention to those guys. They're the ones who are going to do something. Not the guy who fucking put a heart inside a heart on Etsy and then didn't realize he was fucking destroying

Get him! Yeah. The Wayfair one drove me insane. Because it's nuts. This Lilo and Stitch one drove me insane. It was literally admitting you didn't watch the movie. You go, well, why would she put pictures of butts on her? Because she fucking established that she takes pictures of fat people. It's funny. It's body shaming fat people.

And you're going to sit here and shit on a Disney movie that body shames fat people? Right. Fuck you. As a fat man. You've gone way too far. As a fat man, I know a fat butt is funny. It's funny. It's funny.

Not just for kids. Everybody thinks a big fat ass. That's why we have, yeah, that people at Walmart. So you can look at dumpy loser fat people and they put it in the kids movie you go well that's because that's so you know your kid watches it and then the pedophiles get them you know they like come through the tv and they're sending a message it's like shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut up i'm so it's like it's insanity what yeah everywhere and that's the problem with this topic is like i didn't even know where to stop

because there's so much of this what's another one secret pedophile there was like a Tim and Eric sketch oh where uh

what do you call Will Ferrell talks about how to own your child clown take care of your child clown okay it's just those sickos in Hollywood signaling to each other

that it's okay to rape kids and blah blah I'm like I think he's just doing a bit it's Tim and Eric like it's a fucking constantly signaling to each other. Yeah.

Like if they rape kids, they'll just talk about it in private. They don't need to make TV shows for each other. I remember. Get that idea across. Everyone liked a little mermaid had that cock snuck in on the cover. I thought that was hilarious. I thought we were all in agreement that that was hilarious. No, no, no, no, no.

That was a secret pedophile symbol. Cause everybody. No, no, no, no, no. That was a secret pedophile symbol because everybody responded to that. I remember at the time going, ooh, let me take a look at that. Yeah. And I had to be in fifth grade.

So you got groomed. You got groomed by the Little Mermaid cover because it made you excited to see the penis. Yeah. And now you want to fuck kids because you saw

the Little Mermaid cover with the penis. I was like, no way. Let me see that. Son of a bitch. Exactly. Exactly one time. Look at that. That me see that. Son of a bitch. Exactly. Exactly one time. They got it.

Look at that. That's awesome. There is exactly two instances. I hope I can do that someday. There's two instances I know of sexual content being in a Disney thing. That's one of them. And the other one is Nala. I don't know Nala.

Sex. Yeah. Like there's a whisper of like in knowledge of sex. I don't think that's true. I think it's true. That wouldn't make sense. Why would that make it into the movie? And there's one in,

in 101 Dalmatians, when Cruella takes her thing off, you could see her cock. Shut up. No, there isn't. Go ahead. There was in the original print of the rescuers. There's a part where they're racing past a bunch of windows.

Yeah. For exactly one frame, there was a naked woman in the movie. How big were her tits? You know, reasonably sized for the time. What was the rescuers? 60s? Yeah.

No, they weren't huge. They were 60s tits. But other than that, and even that was not an attempt to get your kids raped. It was just like a guy who was bored fucking around. Same with that little mermaid thing. It was just a guy who was like, I'm going to draw some dicks. Funny. And then he got fired for it, I'm pretty sure.

It's not like Disney was like... He definitely should have got fired for it. It wasn't like Disney, like, hey, we at the highest levels of the Disney Corporation have decided by committee that put some penises on this thing because maybe it'll turn some kids into deviants. Yeah. It was just one artist who's like, I'm going to fuck around and put a dick in here. No, no.

He said that secretly, so at home, pedophiles could go like, hey, Johnny, what do you think about taking a special look at this penis tower right here? How would you like to see that? How would that help you rape a kid at all? I don't know. I'm not a rapist.

Yeah, but if I... Yeah, you're a regular rapist. I'm gonna say that even if I wanted to rape a kid... I rape false narratives. Yeah. I wouldn't be like... In the news. I'm going to use cartoon images.

What do you call it? I'm not going to use the front cover of VHS. I don't know. I don't want to get into what I... I don't know exactly how you would do it, but I'm pretty sure that's not the quickest way. I would just go like, you know... I would get a job at a public school. Yeah.

Yeah. I would join Biden's free kindergarten program. The biggest hiring of pedophiles in the history of the world. Guys, we're using a trillion dollars to hire people that are going to only watch over

toddlers and pre-teen. Woo-hoo, boys. They're on pedo net. Can you believe that Biden's doing this? If the pedophiles have a code, it's not selling. They have a pedophile Morse code.

They have a special Morse code. Right. If they have a code, you did not find it on Etsy or Wayfarer in a Disney movie. Okay. Flags too. Yeah. You seem to believe it's like this grand fucking Illuminati conspiracy,

but also that they just set up a public website so you can buy kids disguised as dressers. Here's what I, here's my comments on it. The FBI is retarded. Yes. We all, the FBI just makes, the FBI frames Americans and deserves to be disbanded and is a criminal organization that people thought they would like more than the mob, but I think at the end have discovered that the mob existed to give us liquor and that the mob is at least about, like Fast and Furious, at least the mob is about family. Well, that's always been so i don't believe anything that the fbi if the fbi says it's a big squiggle circle

spirograph or that the letter t is a pedophile symbol i don't believe them that's the thing is like this fbi thing again it's from 2007 i've never seen it ever repeated from any other fbi source and the fbi it's just i know it's a lie where did you get this from like what is the right when you're saying a heart and a heart is a secret pedophile logo and then i can go well that's also the candy bar logo for the good humor company i feel like i feel like somebody just phoned it in that day and they're like yeah we can't just have the triangle come up with a couple other ones yeah like make it look like we're really hunting pedophiles i I feel like you're lying.

Yeah. FBI. I feel like you did your job, which was busting up the mob, and then you just started creating things, reasons for you to have a job. That's what I think. The heart and the heart is like the simplest thing to come up with. A triangle and a triangle. A spiral.

Again, the Dreamcast logo is a pedophile symbol. Diamonds are for pedophiles. Take that one home with you. What's your problem? Secret pedophile codes. Secret pedophile codes. Well, that's going to make it look like you think that they're real and they're a problem. Pedophile code conspiracies.

Okay. Yeah, that's good. Pedophile code conspiracies. Pedophile code. Pedophile code conspiracies. Pedophile code fear of the pedophile code. Okay, here's my problem. Political canonization.

Does that roll off the tongue? Yeah. I think people are going to not like me after this problem, but that's okay. Well, I've seen you've had some spicy takes lately. Is that related to those yeah yeah well good luck you know have fun falling on that cross whatever you fall on a sword and then you fall on a cross they put you on a cross right the cross has you hope that they put you on a cross after you fall on a sword as a swords you fall and once

and you fall into multiple swords. You know what I saw today about Kyle Rittenhouse? I saw a guy say, if only everybody acted like him, the world would be a better place. I thought, no. Yeah, no, not exactly. No. I don't want a bunch of child soldiers running around pretending to be a doctor and then pretending to be Rambo. I don't want either of those.

Reminder, just a reminder, I want him to be innocent and he's barely alive. That's what I would like to stress over and over again. I want him to, oh my God. God, his happy face, his beautiful happy face is going to make me cry.

This poor little fetal alcohol syndrome boy with no daddy walking around, walking around thinking he's gonna stop crime and being suddenly overwhelmed. Uh oh, pedophile blah, oh, other guys oh god, I really hope I'm not beaten to death by this fucking

mob. Running to the cops suddenly getting blackpilled on the police oh, you're not here to help me at all. Either, yeah Mom, where are you? It is one of those things where, yeah, that probably wasn't the best idea. He kind of got in over his head pretty quick.

Yeah. Because he could have died. Yeah. Very easily. Very easily could have died. Seven, you put one of those women on the jury was on her period, prison for life. That's the other problem, man.

That's how it works. But don't you want a couple kids like Kyle that just care about their local car dealership so much? No, because those kids that care about their car dealership grow up to care about Syria. Yeah. And sending other kids to Syria to die for car dealerships in Syria that are getting bombed by Al-Qaeda cubed or whatever it is. NFT Al-Qaeda. What if he only went

during the day and he just cleaned a little graffiti off, you know, daylight hours? Here's my problem. Yeah. George Floyd, you remember when

George Floyd died of fentanyl? Well, strangulation, but sure. I think he died of strangulation too. It annoys me so much. I'm like, well, actually, he was overdosing on fentanyl. Like like man what so he would have died right then yeah yeah no you don't understand he was gonna die two seconds later so how inconvenient

he could kneel on his neck all day it's the same um what annoyed me about that is that they would is that people wouldn't just cop to the fact that he was a huge shitbag. Yeah. That he's a violent criminal. Yeah. And that he's a scumbag and a drug addict, and he's huge, so his violence is even more frightening. He's inherently violent, and he's a horrible man, but he still did not deserve to get killed by the police. This was my position all along.

What a piece of shit. Keep him 10 miles away from my house. Can't kill him, though. Yeah, I mean, that's the most reasonable... Can't kill him. Yeah. Kyle, I got the same position. Home, buddy. That's the big problem with the George Floyd thing is that people go, well, he was such a piece of shit. He's a gentle giant. It's good that he's

Well, yeah, there's two parts that suck. The gentle giant, he did nothing wrong. Gentle giant, let's build a statue of him. Don't build a statue of him. He's a piece of shit. I don't like Neil deGrasse Tyson, but he's an accomplished guy. Build a statue of him. I understand the statues on some level.

Because the whole point is that you've died to this thing, and it kind of wipes away what you've done because that doesn't matter anymore. Uh-huh. Because, again, you didn't deserve to die. Yeah. So it's kind of like a big— So you become symbolic. Well, yeah, it's symbolic.

That's my problem. The canonization of— The political canonization of these people. I did some recent— Okay, go ahead. I would say the statue of George Floyd. You're right. It's not really George Floyd.

It's more like an idea. And I know that's like way too complicated for anyone to want to deal with. So you can just probably not put up the statue in the first place. So I did a little giggling. I mean, it goes more than this. I think that's a bit too lofty for the public, the statue idea. The idea that a man transcends what he was in life. It's bad.

It's bad. Is it bad? Yes. And I looked up. I did a little bit of research. People's bad. It's bad. Is it bad? Yes. And I looked up, I did a little bit of research, you know, people could probably correct me on this,

scholars and those sorts of things. But I picked the funny name and then I looked into it and this process of canonizing, actual canonization, turning popes and people into saints so they were irreproachable to the public and they

would be worshipped started in the 13th century when the pope of the catholic church would allow canonizations of people for purely political gain because it would strengthen the cults that worship them like we're talking original influencers. Like, the original TikTokers in the 13th century would get killed or would die, and the popes, all of a sudden, the popes turned from canonizing popes that they just did out of respect because they were all pieces of shit. They're all pretty fucked up, right? They slicked their hair back.

They were all real fucking bad guys leading it. You had multiple popes having pope-offs, right? Yeah. At some point around then, they figured out, oh, wow, we can deify these people. And then they're automatically good. These cults, literally cults, will stay worshiping them until they're fucking dead. That's interesting. To keep their power. And that's what I see. That's interesting. To keep their power.

And that's what I see. That's what I see happen. I mean, I got into an argument with a guy who said, well, you can't give them an inch. That's something like, what are you talking about giving? What are you? The retinue house people, you can't give them an inch? No, you can't give the left an inch.

Same thing with George Floyd. It's like, well, you know, you can't say anything about his... You can't say anything about his drug use. You can't say anything about his putting a gun to a pregnant woman. You can't give him an inch. Like, you guys, you sound... I don't think a lot of you play sports

or, like, like sports because you kind of just give me that vibe, but you sound like guys who are talking about their favorite sports teams winning the Super Bowl, the World Series. I'm like, well, you can't.

No, no, no. You can't be saying anything negative about my team right now while we're in this point. This weird quasi-religious superstition that is now following this cult of, not even a cult of personality, this canonization of these polarizing political figures. And I hate it. I hate it. Well, should we just get rid of statues in general, though?

Like, does anyone deserve to be remembered in some grand fashion? Well, build a statue if you want. Yeah. But you're building a statue. Make it of, like, a good guy? Well, I mean, do whatever you want, but at least tell everybody, like, look, this kid, I mean. Well, that's what's happening now. You really said we put up all these statues and everyone goes, well, you had slaves, though, and they got to take the fucking thing down.

You don't have to take it down. They do, though, and that's the reason they use is because nobody's fucking perfect. I'm watching. Well, they have to be. Here's my problem. Yeah. How perfect do you have to be before you get a statue? Well, they're arguing. The argument is, the argument that I'm concerned about and that I don't like is that you have to be,

is that it's more important, you have to be good to have rights. The idea that, like, I could say, oh, yeah, Kyle's a, he's the worst. He showed up. He showed up there wanting to mow people down. Yeah. He showed up saying, any of you motherfuckers fuck with me I'll fucking ice your ass

what if he what if right what if he was the pedophile right right not the guy he shot what if he shot a school what if Kyle yeah it's the

the important part is the self defense part it's not all of this other shit that you guys are building out of out of fragments and projection.

I know, and we talked about that. It is just genuinely hilarious that the guy who got shot had sex with five kids, and you're like, wow, it just could not work out better in terms of a narrative. What else could it... It got out of the mental hospital that day?

Really? But this is even worse. This is comical. Because now you've got guys like, absolutely, yeah. Actually, we need more of him. I'm like, no, what? Well, just kill him then. Like, you don't need to use little kids

to make them go kill the people you don't like. Just you kill them. I mean, you are saying, well, then there's justification to kill him regardless of circumstances. Yeah. Which is, there's an argument to be made, but. He doesn't need to be a good person to deserve.

No. To serve rights. But I do worry that if he hadn't have been a good person. He would have been in jail. He would have gone to jail. Yeah. And that's a problem. I think so too.

I think that if they came out. That's why I bring this in. Yeah. If, you know, all this shit they're saying about him, like white supremacist proud boy, which is not true. Yeah. If he had actually been like one of those things where he's like, yeah, you know, all this shit they're saying about him, like white supremacist proud boy, which is not true. Yeah. If he had actually been like one of those things where he's like, yeah, you know, I just like Hitler a little bit or something.

Can't get, I'm going to, what if I do a little Hitler mustache in court? What do you think about that? His lawyer's like, absolutely not. And then in court, he sneaks it in. He's not paying attention. He's grabbing his arm. It reminds me. He's punching him in the arm.

So we were in, we were on that show, Cancel Me, with Isaac Butterfield. Yes. Great show. Great show. And he said, it came up in the conversation, he said something like, oh, you guys were just there for jokes, not for hate speech. And I said, well, what do you mean? They're the same.

You can't, I mean, if you're going to tell me that jokes are not a more effective way to spread hate than hate speech. I mean. They're the same thing. I've got a bridge to sell. Like, the way you. You can't. You cannot. You cannot.

You cannot draw a distinction between any sort of speech. Jokes. Speech. And you cannot make someone's rights to self-life, jokes, speech, and you cannot make someone's rights to self-life, liberty, happiness, whatever, self-defense contingent upon them being a good person because I

am not a good person and I need those rights. Yeah. And so that's why it matters to me. Well, that's why I'm so worried. I'm like, man, I'm a piece of shit. What if I want to defend myself from a guy running at me? Yeah. Like, if I'm at the federal... What do they get to dig up and fucking try to bury me with? If they find me at the Federal Reserve with a truck full of fertilizer, and I say, well, I'm just here to, you know, fertilize my crops.

That's why this case was so worrying to me, though, is that I'm like, if they can bury this Kyle kid just by repeating over and over, well, he's a racist. He's a white supremacist. Like, just saying it with no proof whatsoever we're like so fucked and thank god that didn't happen i don't know i feel i feel like it's i feel like it's worse in a lot of ways because we have to pretend that we have to pretend that we cannot even entertain the idea that he like i've heard over and over oh he's a boy scout he's a

boy scout he's like why are you maybe he's you... No, maybe he's a piece of shit. Maybe he's a piece of shit. Yeah. Like, I mean, he's... The video of him saying, I wish I had a gun to shoot looters, like, I don't know if that's real or not. Yeah.

And me asking, like, well, is that real? Made people go like, I fucking can't believe you would ask... How dare you fucking... Like, guys, first of all, we're not in court. Yeah. You want people to stop pretending that everybody is perfect to win some ideological fight.

Yeah, because the other side's better at that. If you want to get into the gamification of scumbags. Yeah, the other side's going to win. The left's really good at it. We're not going to win that one. We named streets after those guys. Yeah. What's that?

You killed 50 kids? You get a street somewhere in New York. Yeah. Because you're a martyr or something. I don't know. That's my problem. I saw one recently. It's like literally any time they execute or whatever.

They're trying to get like a... Always on death row, they're always like, oh, we got to get this guy off death row. And you're like, well, I don't believe in capital punishment, but he did kill 10 children and burn their house down with their mom inside. Yeah.

Life goes, we'll name a street after him. I don't know. I think I printed a bunch of stupid religious stuff off, but I don't think it matters. That's my point. Political canonization. I think it's because the most infuriating part, the most infuriating part of the George Floyd stuff

was that they couldn't just admit he was a piece of shit. Yeah. People were like, oh. I think you could give him a statue as long as you're like, it doesn't represent the shitty things he did in life. All they had to say was, yeah, he's a piece of shit. Yeah. Yeah, you're right.

He did the pregnant thing. You want to put that on the statue? You want to put that on the little thing? He was a piece of shit. He was a piece of shit, but we shouldn't have killed him. Yeah. I'd be a good statue. All I want, I think it would chill so many people out.

That's kind of inspirational in a way. Yeah. I want that on a t-shirt. I used to be a piece of shit, but now I'm dead. I used to be a piece of shit. I did fentanyl on the wrong day, as it turned out. I should have Ubered the pack of cigarettes, but I didn't. And same token, I think if you just said,

you know what, maybe he, maybe he did. Maybe he wouldn't have minded shooting a couple people. You know what, we need more of this. Ease the tension a little bit.

No matter how big a piece of shit a person was, they probably didn't deserve to die. I can think of some people that applies to see the shameful thing is if Kyle had lost that gun battle would the

would you'd have to say well the other guy was self-defending himself too I mean he sees a guy running around no he's on the good side that's what that's what kills me

like ah the hypocrisy is the worst part of that I know that's such a cliche but the hypocrisy really just drives you nuts. Yeah. Because they go, well, the second you bring your gun to a situation you know could be violent, you lose the right to self-defense.

I'm like, no. So that guy with the handgun, he can shoot him in the head and it's fine? No, no, no, not that guy. Not that guy. Well, he brought a gun to a violent situation. What's the fucking difference? And they're like, well, his gun was bigger. Oh, then fuck you.

What the fuck? Yeah, the heavy gun. I should have brought it. Oh, then fuck you. What the fuck? Yeah, the heavy gun. I should have brought it. Man, it's back like that. Yeah. What? Not like this.

Like that. He took it out wrong. I'm glad he, obviously, I'm glad he's free. Come on, he's a kid. He is a kid. Also, the whole, I can't, oh, look at him faking those tears. You don't think if you're facing the fucking life in prison, you might have a little panic attack on the stand? Oh, he's faking it. He's faking that

panic attack. No, he's not. Who gives a shit about the... Yeah. It's all bullshit. Okay. What's your problem? I'm all fired up about that case. Political canonization. I'm more fired up about, Dick. What's that? Domain cyber squatting.

Put an end to this bullshit. Hold on. What do you got for me? Ding. Indeed. Dick, you ever just want a domain for your project, for your business? Something you're working on. You're a passion project and you go, you know what would be great?

Yeah. If I could get me one of these dot coms. One of these newfangled internet addresses someone just types in the name of my thing dot com they're right there I can connect with the people who are clearly here for me to see my thing

I don't pay I don't know you know what I will even pay a little bit extra because I really want this one I'll pay $50 a year how's that $100 a year for this domain sounds reasonable well I've recently tried to put in extra because I really want this one. I'll pay $50 a year. How's that? $100 a year for this domain. Sounds reasonable. Yeah, okay. Well, I've recently tried to put in, uh, I'm working on a comic project called

Super Killer. Okay. Very exciting stuff. And I thought, well, I'll get myself superkiller.com of course. Oh, that's gone. Are you serious? You thought that would be available? Why not? Because it's got two nouns. Two nouns? Two popular nouns right next to each other I have a two noun

My old Do you got any good domain names? MenAreBetterThanWomen.com What is it? Do you have that whole phrase? Yeah, I have the whole phrase That's the first domain I ever bought I have one

One I've been owning forever called ShirtDungeon.com I really thought I would make t-shirts And I've just At the dungeon? At the dungeon And that was your Well, because I wanted like Sh shirt hole was taken, shirt cavern, like every shirt something.

The only one I could get was shirtdungeon.com. It was the only location. I wanted shirt location. It was like shirt cave, shirt house. They're all gone. And I never used it. What are your kind of shirts? Do you sell at this Shirt Dungeon?

Well, I should. I don't know. I was going to sell, like... Hot Topic? Like, Evil Ernie shirts? Yeah, kind of, yeah. The Grave Digger. It was just, like, going to be, like, cool.

No, but it could be, like, fantasy stuff. Lady Death. There could be, like, you know... Spawn? Elves and Spawn, sure, yeah. Wow. Like, Dungeons and Dragons could have some fantasy stuff there. Yeah.

Don't make fun of shirtdungeon.com, a site I have never made. Anyway, look. It sounds retarded. Shut the fuck up. It's a great name, you asshole. Look, obviously superkiller.com was taken. But who is it taken by? A domain service.

Right on there they go. They're the worst, man. They go, well, if you'd like to purchase it from us, oh, it's so great. We got it all here. $12,000. Superkiller.com, they say, is available for a strategic transaction.

Not for sale. It's a strategic transaction. You know, a premium domain name like this this is right now is what is on superkiller.com premium domain name can help your business achievements brand recognition we're a group of entrepreneurs with extreme experience and look it's all this fucking bullshit to ultimately tell you i sent him an email i'm like look how much do you want uh the names we work with typically sell in the six figures and up so none yeah never sold a domain six figures look super killer is not that like desirable a name no fucking tech unicorn

company is going to name their fucking smart phone interconnected act super killer because they're going to be on web three nobody's going to be using domains anymore soon. You're going to be fucked. I hope not. Because that's what we need to have happen first. We need to eliminate this whole dot-com thing. First of all, cyber squatting should be illegal. You get a domain name, you get like a year or two to figure out what to do with it.

And if you don't do anything with it, you lose it. I think that would be fair. The problem is that they go, well, we're using it. Look. And you look at it, and it's like it's got, you know, the website is, like, two news articles or something, and you can buy this if you want. And you're like, fuck you. That's not actual content.

You know what you're doing. Because it is illegal to cyber squat, but only. It is? It is. It's illegal if you buy the domain after the business exists. Oh. So if I have like the Washington Redskins, but I haven't bought WashingtonRedskins.com.

That's not their trademark, though. Well, yeah, that's the thing is because I was reading some guy, all the names they were thinking about changing it to, like they had a list, like we might be the Jaguars or whatever. Some guy just went and he's like WashingtonJaguars.com, WashingtonBraves.com, and he bought them all, which technically he could do because they hadn't decided on a name yet. And you're like, oh, you dumb motherfuckers.

But if the business already exists, you can't do it. But after the fact, if you start a business afterwards, they're like, well, we already own it. Fuck you. Yeah. It's bullshit. It is bullshit. It's so frustrating.

It's unnecessary. Like, all these domain names are locked up by these stupid assholes who just literally went and bought, like, every fucking thing they could think of, and they're just sitting on it. Well, it's because one organization controls the stupid registrar. Yeah. And they need to change the rules. If there wasn't a monopoly of the protocol around the whole world, if ISPs had any power and could just do their own intranets and you could subscribe. Well, I don't really like this ISP, actually. I'm going to go with the more democratized ones where domain squatters get voted out.

Would you have access to the same sites depending on ISP or would that change? Look, they could figure it out. The problem is the stupid government came in and said, all right, well, we're just going to have one registrar, and everything's going through that. I think we need to, I mean, because there are alternates, obviously. Like, now we have a ton of different alternates. You can get a.xxx, I have a.industries,.shop, whatever the fuck.

Those are cool. They're cool. .industries. Yeah,.industries is a cool one. Yeah. I have killdozer.industries,.shop, whatever the fuck. Those are cool. They're cool. Yeah,.industries is a cool one. Yeah. I have killdozer.industries. That's where I sell all my stupid t-shirts and shit.

I have winnersdrink.fun. Yeah, that's retarded. I have cunt.media. Cunt.media? I think I might have madcast.media, too. Oh, that's fucking hilarious. What we need to do is establish for people, like, listen, man, dot-coms don't really matter.

Because right now people have this perception where it's like, well, it's not a dot-com, it's worse. Yeah. I was actually reading an article that one of these guys, you know, the people who want to sell me their domain name for six figures, they have a little article on their site that's like, well, you know, because people pay millions of dollars for these domain names because of your Facebook. You can just say Facebook and everyone just automatically fills in the.com.

But if you're anything else, that has to become your corporate name. Like you can't be... 2012? What are you... We just need to tell people, like, listen, man, if I give you the name of my thing, just type it into Google. Don't even worry about the fucking exit or whatever.

You just go find it on Google. I see a lot of.io's now. Yeah. Crypto really opened that up. .io is doing okay. But again, is there any.io site you can think of where you don't have to say.io? No. You can't just say itch.

I like it when they work it in. You have to say itch.io. Yeah. They have to work it in. Yeah. Whereas if I say Facebook facebook you just automatically go well since he didn't specify anything else i know it's a dot com right we need to get rid of that default uh like dot coms are for pedophiles dot coms are for pedophiles that's gonna be this show's new gimmick everything we don't like is for pedophiles i hate

what i hate most about the domain squatting is that it's always like a hundred million dollars to get the domain. I would pay like some amount. Exploding bulldozer. Oh, how much is that? Like, you know, six, six hundred bucks? Like, oh, it's a billion dollars. It's eleven-de-billion dollars.

Well, I went on their stupid fucking- How do you stay in, how do you stay in, oh, you don't, you don't have any overhead or anything Because the fee is So stupidly low for you Because you're probably Register You're probably a registrar So you only pay like a quarter

Right To have it Yeah You can just have as many as you want It's so fucking annoying Well cause their only target market is These fucking stupid Tech unicorn companies

Cause I went to their website Yeah And it's like All the All their news articles That they point you at It's like Benchling just closed 100 million Series F Mega Round. Kanji is valued at 800 million.

And you're like, oh, I get it. Like you're trying to infer that, well, if you're a real tech company, you'll buy this stupid fucking name.com because otherwise it'll never work. And you're like, okay, that kind of makes sense. But again, no one is going to call their fucking interconnecting recipe sharing app superkiller.com just give me that one for like 500 bucks like you know that that has such limited fucking use i was trying to buy dickshow.com forever yeah who has that just some gay porn site. Oh. They're like, well, I'm open to serious offers. I'm like, come on, man.

How much type in traffic are you getting for dickshow.com? Yeah. Okay, never mind. I'll just do dick.show. Thanks a lot. It would be great if you could just work somehow with these guys and go, listen, you know you've been sitting on this for 10 years, five years, whatever. What are the odds you're going to sell it?

But, you know, it's just these guys. You can't work anything out with anyone. No. That's what I've learned. Nobody cares about anybody. Look. Yeah, because it went from, like, the monopoly of the phone system. Yeah.

The patent made it a monopolized phone system, and that turned into a monopolized internet, and that turned into a monopolized domain. I was like, you guys totally fucked it up. Like, nothing else works like that. You have a great idea, and you're fucked, because you're like, well, I can't get the dot com. Yeah. It sucks.

You get a dot fun like me. I have started buying all my enemies' names as dot coms, though, because they fucking slept on it. It's not so bad either. Yeah, well, pluses and minuses to this game. There's that one guy who fucked me, so I just bought his name as a domain, and it just talks about how he sucks dick for money.

Did you see somebody brought Joe Cristalli? Yeah, I did see that, joecristalli.com. Oh, wow. I'm going to talk to whoever put that up, because I'm like, all right, man, you're going a little hard on this one. Well, don't be involved. Yeah.

I mean, don't. Well, that's the problem, though, is people seem to think that I set it up. Like, at least one or two people have been like, no, say you didn't. No, I didn't.

I have no, nothing to do with Joe Christa. Shut up. I really don't. But you know what? I shouldn't be allowed to buy somebody's name as a domain. I would be okay

with losing that privilege. Why'd you fucking buy that? Just to fuck with a guy. Well, you can't. I don't know. Maybe that shouldn you can't. I don't know. Maybe that shouldn't be allowed. I don't know. It's fair use commentary at that point.

I just think, though, if you're sitting on it, you're not using it for anything. It's just literally sitting there with a price tag on it. Yeah, fuck you. Figure out what to do with it. Fuck you. Or sell it for, you know, a reasonable couple hundred bucks. Make your money back. Real quick, do you want to hear some of the most hundred bucks, make your money back. Oh,

real quick. Do you want to hear some of the most expensive domain names? Yeah, sure. Uh, let's see. I'll start, uh,

porno.com, eight, 8.8 million. Oh, Israel.com, 5.8, 5.8 million. That's it?

Yeah, only 5.8. Of course they got a good deal on that. Yeah. They really worked it out. It took them 20 years to get Israel.com. Diamond.com, 7.5 million. That's where all the pedophiles hang out.

Diamonds are for pedophiles. Sex.com, 13 million. Not bad. And you know what the most expensive? Hamburger? Domain name. Disney. Oh, no, no. Car car insurance.com oh 50 million dollars

50 million bucks for that whoever's at car insurance.com i have no idea they should they should have rented it they should have leased it to them hotels.com is the only one on here i've ever gone to and hotels.com was uh oh you've never been to porn.com i not i mean maybe at one point i went to sex.com and there's nothing there what's even there what does it go to i'm sure i don't know yeah i guess we can't find out right now okay so what are our problems uh let's see mine's presidential turkey pardons yeah mine is mine is pedophile code secret. Pedophile code conspiracies. Mine is political canonizations.

And mine is domain cyber squatting. Domain squatting. Domain squatting. Okay, everybody, go to biggestproblem.show right when we're done. Now to vote. Right when we're done recording, I'll put them up so you can vote. So you don't have to wait until Monday. And do you want to open this present that we got here?

Wow, that is a large box. Yeah. Make sure not to put the address on camera. Oh, boy. All right. Let's see what I got here. Okay, this is for you, I think. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

It's a frame that I'm handing to Vito. That's a big frame. This says, Dick and Vito, please enjoy these physical NFTs. Thanks. Stone from Stone Toss. Stone from Stone Toss? Yeah. You know, Stone Toss has his NFT launch coming out.

Yes, he does, and that'll be launching, I believe, what, Sunday? Flirks? Flirks! A playful name. I'm buying a bunch. Yeah, I kind of want to buy at least one. I've talked about it on my show, but it's the future of ownership. Oh, I got two of two. You got one of two.

You got the number one luck of the draw no they're equal they're equal no way mine's better yeah one's better than number two i'm fine with it yeah oh shut the fuck up you just randomly took it out of the box finally i win one finally on win On International Men's Day There's only two The woman gets fucked Alright They're equally rare

Stone Toss has sent us A signed Print Of the jokes are funny comic They made There you go Oh man What a signature

What a signature What a frame This is a whole professional thing This guy must have like a studio. What do you mean? A framing studio? No, I think he has like an assistant. Is he doing this all himself?

Beautiful. How does he have time to do this? I don't know. Number one of two. Did you see that? Shut up with your number one. I'm going to erase it and put number one of two. Better not.

Then I'd be fucking with it. Are you getting any flirks i'm getting a bunch of flirks i already said i'm giving them to my family for christmas really yeah fuck them i was thinking about buying i mean i'm not as flush with cash as the great dick masterson i don't know how quick they're gonna go though probably right away man these these what I'm saying. I don't know if I'm even going to be able to buy one. Well, that's too bad. Enjoy being poor. I think Stone Toss is going to shut the fuck up. I think Stone Toss

is going to hook me up with one. What? One's not good? How many are you going to fucking have? You've got to have like four or five. Well, I'm going to try and buy one on the launch day. You gotta have five. Well, they're randomly generated, so you don't know.

I know, you gotta get that good one. I'm all in with the Sonic head. I don't know if I'm a... Well, I have the dossier that has been sent to me by Mr. Stonta, so I have a little bit of insider information, which I'll be sharing tomorrow. On what? For those listening live.

What are you sharing it on? On Ralph's thing. Oh yeah, on Ralph's thing. You're doing Who Are These Podcasts too tomorrow, aren't you?

Oh, that's great. You got to learn all the lingo for Carl that he has club feet. He has club feet? Yeah, he has club feet.

Okay. He looks like a weasel. Yeah. You got to know all this. I got a full docket tomorrow. He has kuzaroos. Well, I was gonna say

If people tomorrow Wanna watch the Flirk stream Uh huh It'll be on Ralph's Channel Killstream.tv Right

Is that it I think so yeah And I think that starts I can't believe this This is one of the highlights Of my Shit lord career Signed stone toss

Comic Congratulations sir Yeah seriously What a nice guy for those of you listening to this after the fact it's already happened you were unable to buy any flirks you're late yeah i mean if you're listening to this on monday you blew it you should have listened live you idiot all right here's your voicemails hey guys uh just want to give veto a shout out for the whole uh armchair mechanics thing or whatever you're calling it.

I totally empathize, and the worst is when you go online and, like, some guys, you're, like, looking for a tutorial online, and some guys are like, oh, yeah, I just follow these steps. I replaced my entire front suspension. Yeah, it took two and a half hours. Maybe if I didn't drink so many beers and I did it again, it'd take me about 20 minutes. Meanwhile, I follow the same fucking steps

and it takes like four days. Yeah, those guys are just so full of shit. They're liars. The online ones are the absolute worst. But anyway, I just want to congratulate you, Vito, for being manly enough to turn a wrench on your own car.

Thank you. Probably when the weather's below 65 degrees, maybe wearing a T-shirt. Anyway, keep up the show, guys. What does that mean? It means that I'm a bit of a macho weatherman, you might say. Fuck you. I'm a bit of a macho weatherman, as they say. Hey, Dick.

Hey, Vito. Hi. A little bit of a discrepancy with the comments you made about my favorite movie of all time, Blade Runner. Final cut. Yeah. There's no bad slow-mo in that movie. There is slow-mo, but I don't think it's bad. I don't think it's bad like the Empire Strikes Back.

It's got to be. There's no way. I'm pretty sure that the two scenes I can think of are the unicorn scene. The dove. That slow motion when he shoots the one replicant in the street. She, like, falls through all the windows. I just watched it, and it doesn't seem like the same type of slow motion. Isn't that?

Maybe I'm wrong. Once his name dies. Spoiler. Shut the fuck up. Shit, what's the name of the guy at the end of the movie? Rudger Hauer. Dicker?

When Rudger Hauer dies, doesn't like a bird take off? Is that the white haired guy? Yeah. I don't know. I remember like a bird taking flight and not having limited frames, but maybe I'm thinking of some other movie.

Hey, I got a big problem people sharing their complaints or in this case their rages and then it starts to bug you like there's a whole nft thing i didn't really understand it and i didn't really care about it and then i listened to the dick show and now i'm on dick's side on this one and now i fucking hate every time i see the right click shit and i just wish that it was never explained to me and i wish it was never shared with me so i could not care about it or at the very least if i did care about it i could be on the other side that being angry about most people are on so i could at least feel cool about that yeah all right go fuck yourself you know i didn't listen to your nft rant yet so i just don't fully understand you're pro nft i imagine yeah yeah it's the um look at all the money

and bullshit we have we waste trying to prove ownership of anything. No, it makes perfect sense to me. It's like, this is the future of ownership, and it just happens to be... My annoyance is all these fucking idiots that think right-clicking that downloading a JPEG is the same, that they're getting won over on the artist. It's like, you can just...

People are at the Mona Lisa all fucking day taking pictures of it, and for some reason that's not the same so what makes you think that the concept of ownership is different because it's digital you fucking idiot like you could also just look

at it and remember it there you go what do you think about that now you look fucking dumb though because that's stupid I mean all ownership is An illusion Conceptual Of some sort

Right Yeah The stuff in my house I claim to own But like You know It annoys me When people are like

It's like sports ball You're like sports ball Yeah cause it's like A bunch of people Getting together And like Rooting for the same thing Like it's not like

You know It's interesting That's why we like it Yeah I get that you I get that that makes you uncomfortable Cause you're not You don't know how to make friends easily

But like you don't need to take it out by saying Like oh sports ball Sports ball Like no it's just like a fun thing All ownership is determined by laws And whatever else So the NFT's not any different Like yeah

Well it's easier If you have a picture of the stuff in my house You don't own stuff in my house And you don't need like a bunch of banks and escrow To send your ownership around. You just, done, sent. When you watch the movie Ghostbusters, you don't own the movie Ghostbusters. You wouldn't write, click, and save it.

I mean, you could own a copy of the movie. A movie, would you? I don't fucking know. It's complicated. Okay, here we go. One more. Is it Macho Man? I don't know. I hope it's not hey vito hey dick you know i got

a biggest problem for you those guys that call in uh with like a problem and it's clear that like they sort of you know don't know exactly how they're going to explain the problem and the longer the voicemail goes on the more they like they get everybody realizes. It's not gonna be an interesting voice Rude The guy is talking and you're like what the fuck uh-huh Can you please be more interesting with this voice now so that I think I can say something about it or like we can at least Stop talking past that point already Anyway, you get the bit.

I think you guys understand. I get the bit. I'm still talking. You're doing it. What's the matter with me? This is the biggest problem in the universe. I just shit my pants. You can tell when he was done, right?

But he kept going for no reason. I don't know if there's any advice for the callers. Just maybe try doing it in a mirror once before you call, you know? Do I really? No, because this is going to be all stiff and stilted. Here, I'm going to play this again, and we both say when it's over. Okay. All right?

Hey, Vito. Hey, Jack. You know, I got a biggest problem for you. Yeah? Hey Vito, hey Jack. You know, I got a biggest problem for you. Those guys that call in with like a problem and it's clear that like they sort of, you know, don't know exactly how they're going to explain the problem. And the more the voicemail goes on, the more they like they get everybody realizes it's not going to be an interesting voicemail and we're going to have to cut it off. But you don't want to be rude because the guy just keeps keeps talking and you're like what the fuck right there can you please you cut it way earlier the second they they get it out of their mouth yeah all right 10 second voicemail i know where this is going hey what's going on in that chat okay let's see

all our favorite friends are here and they have been super chatting us. JS Ling says, I seconded, name the top three you're on right now. What the hell is that in reference to? I don't know. A triangular spiral? I don't know.

I have no idea. Maybe he's talking about our secret lists of pedophiles. Isn't it better for society if people are paranoid and trying to interpret possible pedo symbols rather than laissez-faire? Laissez-faire. Laissez-faire. What did you say? I see it. Laissez-faire. Laissez-faire?

How the fuck? Why would I? It's French. Fuck French. I don't care. Hold on. How do you say this word? Let me pull up a word for you. Is it a burge-you-easy? How do you say that word, Vito? Oh, rendez-voozy?

Yeah, I know all these words. Bourgeoisie. Les-fair, like a lesbian? Like Les Miserable. Oh, fuck you! Who cares how to pronounce that fucking shit? I mean, you went into it so confidently

Lazy fair Lazy fair If they're wrong fine Getting back on topic No I don't think watching Disney movies And trying to decode how many pedophiles worked on them Is beneficial to any part of society But wait a minute no

People being paranoid And like thinking There's bad things are happening everywhere is not better than doing nothing. A lot of people really do believe. That's the absolute worst thing you could have. That's not helpful at all. That's like a hundred guys with hammers trying to fix your car engine. No!

Let somebody who knows what they're doing, who's at least proven one time. Isn't it good if we're worried about East Asia? Because then people are motivated, you know, by this secret war we might be fighting? No. Be less fair. That's bad. Be less fair.

And you have plenty of problems in your own life that need your attention, other than worrying about this written house shit politics secret pedophiles you it is just you have a limited amount of energy don't waste a lot of problems to solve and figuring out how to get pictures of butts out of your disney cartoon is not going to help anybody yeah uh let's see here we've got uh john riffs john riffs says we should celebrate Columbus Day because it's not about his crimes but what he represents, America.

America is a land of crimes. That's true, yeah. No, I get what he's saying. Dominic says, hey, Mr. Masterson, what do you think? When do you think you're going to do the fancy pants skating routine? I've been a Patreone for a while and I just want to check up. I think everything's here still like masked up and shut down yeah i had a skating instructor lined up before coronavirus

but we're gonna do a skating what video routine really like uh like a blades of glory or uh skating yeah like a little dance and stuff saturday night fever maybe i don't know what music to set it to but i'm not doing it in a mask. Oh, yeah. And so many actions I've turned down because of this COVID bullshit. Everybody's like, why don't you go out and do more comedy? I'm like, if I go inside,

I got to wear a mask. I can't do any jokes inside. Justin Gomez says, I could barely beat off to the problems this week. 10 out of 10 would not do again. Thank you. Matt Bear says, I took out a loan to get six flerks. I'm either crazy or

stupid. Took out a loan. Sure. Take out two. Good luck if you can get six. There's a limited number. I think people are getting ambitious with the number they think they're going to be able to buy. Flerks? Yeah. I think that system's going to break the second it fucking turns it on.

No, you can't break Ethereum. The blockchain or whatever? Doesn't it got to process through some fucking website? What. No, you can't break Ethereum. The blockchain or whatever? Doesn't it got to process through some fucking website? What the fuck are you talking? Breaking Ethereum? Not breaking Ethereum, but doesn't it have to process through whatever web client he set up or no?

No, blockchain. So you just press the button and you're done. Boom, done. Web three, baby. All right, you got to help me set that up ahead of time. You want some? I'm going to buy at least one. Yeah, you better set up MetaMask.

Well, that's what he said you gotta set up. You gotta load up. Sometimes it takes a day to get your money on there. Oh, shit. And you need 400 bucks of Ethereum. I mean, gas is expensive, too, so I would put on a grand. Okay.

Can you get it back after whatever's left after? Maybe. What do you mean, maybe? I mean, maybe. I don't know. Shit. I'll try to set it up tonight. It depends on you

because it costs so much to send any transactions around that it like whittles down because of gas prices but I'll show you. I have no idea how to do any of this. Jazz Lang says,

$9.99. The question was, what drugs you on Vito? Why do people think I'm on drugs? I don't know. Okay. None that I know of.

Renegade Priest Vito, why do your mommy milkers look so delicious in that gray shirt well this is my uh video ball shirt this is actually a very rare shirt really yeah why uh video ball is a video game made by a guy tim rogers who you might not have heard of but he only made like 20 of these shirts, and I think the last one sold for like 100 bucks. Matt Barr again. Matt Barr says, shout out to Poop Knuckle, Renegade Priest, and Justin Sweat for remembering the Street Fighter Challenge. Yeah.

That means nothing to me. Matt Barr originally challenged Maddox to Street Fighter, and Maddox bitched out. Why would he bitch out on a Street Fighter? Because he sucks at fighting games. Yeah, but can't you just take the L and it's funny?

He never could. I'll play Street Fighter against you, Matt Barr. I want to play Street Fighter Alpha 3. That was my favorite Street Fighter. All right, everybody.

Biggestproblem.show Patreon.com slash Biggest Problem. And get yourself a flerk maybe. I don't know. Yeah, get a flerk. They're all going to be gone.