The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 186

Episode Date: April 18, 2025

Comes out on top. Yeah. Have fun. It's a good time. You gotta have you gotta cut loose. You gotta have a little fun. You gotta have a little fun. You gotta have a little fun.

There you go. Is that working? Yeah, I think so. I think so. Ta-da! What is that? Nightmare? Let's see.

We did a Thursday show. We had to reschedule. I feel like we've had a oh yeah. If you don't need super chats everybody. If you don't need super chats because on the way over, his car exploded and had to pull over to some, I had to have some teenager help me put, what's it with the, they have like full service

gas stations around here. Pre-teen or teenager? He was like a young adult, I don't know. But I was like, you guys got- What age do you think he was? You think he was, I would say- Consent age or there like 19 maybe Yeah, but my car. I'm just driving that all of a sudden my car goes and I'm off and I'm like what the fuck This is not good. I'm like waiting at the light and my car just turns off So I turn it back on and then I check the usually works. Yeah

Well, what do you call but I looked at the the heat and it's like oh this thing's overheating like a motherfucker Oh my god, god damn it put some water in well That's why I've managed to pull over the gas station have the guy put some coolant in there, but I don't think it helps Really? Yeah. Yeah, what'd you say to him? So can you get out there put some coolant in my car? No, I actually tried to buy coolant then he's like well I mean I can like top you off for ten bucks and I'm like, all right sure whatever and he said I don't have a funnel yeah, I kind of felt I will say I had that moment where I felt like top you off for 10 bucks. I'm like, all right, sure, whatever. And he said, I don't have a funnel. Yeah. I kind of felt, I will say,

I had that moment where I felt like a, you know when you're like, Like a lady. You've been on earth for a while and you know like some dumb little tricks that maybe a young person might not know and have never thought of. Okay, like what?

Well, cause you went, I don't have a funnel. Don't pay your taxes. Don't pay your taxes. Yeah, that's a good one. One, don't go to college is another one. Yeah. My tax. I don't have a funnel. Don't pay your taxes. Don't pay your taxes. Yeah, that's a good one. Don't go to college is another one. Yeah. He said, I don't have a funnel. And I said, you have a couple pieces of paper?

And he said, yeah. And he went inside and he got a couple pieces of paper. And I made him into a cone. And I jammed it in there. And I went, pour. And I could tell he was like, oh, hey. I never thought that that's the thing I could do but now in the future you're pouring coolant into your engine in a

piece of paper yeah yeah yeah oh how did you fold it you gotta have you gotta have a stack you gotta have like three or five you know like five piece of paper we just listed that and you said pour it what do you tell you just make a piece of paper no fun oh I got one of those I went to a gas station Somebody ran out of gas. There you go somebody ran out of gas and I I took him to the gas station they're like I don't have a I don't have a Gas can though and I said don't you worry and we got a Water jug. Yeah dumped it out and then put it in there. That's perfect. Yeah, right? Yeah Well, I could tell he was kind of like impressed

He's like as I never thought to do that and now if I'm ever in need of a funnel I'll grab some paper got it funnel man Anyway, so that's why the show is late because I had to drive my car home and take a $40 uber over here So you could have just said no and now we're in the whole 40 bucks. I'm not gonna not do the show for 40 bucks That's kind of the whole $200 We're in the hole $200. Well the worst part is it's $40 to get over here, then I don't know, it's gonna be another $40 to get home. Oh yeah, that's too bad. So I'm $80 in the hole doing this show.

Oh! You should have driven your car over with the coolant. I don't know man, I'm one of those guys where like, if I'm driving a car around that I know has got problems, I'm like way too on edge. I'm like oh god. It's gonna explode I'm gonna get stuck on the highway or something stupid I've gotten stuck on the highway before and that's the worst when your car just stops running so I'm like I'm just gonna take it home take an uber over all right. Let's well good luck with that Get your super chats in. I don't know what and it's a Thursday show so no one's watching so I'm not even gonna get any super chats

I wish there was a way to get you home that wasn't an uber, but Unfortunately, it's the only possible way too bad. Yeah too bad. Oh well The biggest problem in the universe! Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe. The only show that ranks every problem in the universe from, uh, Commie Sneaks to Jesus Freaks? Is that a problem in that? Oh, we did a Jesus bonus episode. Uh, Joseph, you blew it.

They might be referencing the bonus episode. Sir Trolls-A-Lot says, fromalai's shitty magazine to You Haven't Even Been? Is that? Did we do Eric Jalai's magazine? That's too many syllables. You Haven't Even Been? From Eric Jalai's, no from Eric's magazine to You Haven't Even Been would be a more equal number. That's a good one. I'm your host, Ickmash, and joining me carless Vito. I just had my car fixed like two weeks ago,

so I don't know if they made it worse or what. Oh man, the money pit should be a problem. That's a big problem. The money pit and also the did the mechanic make it worse question where I'm like, it didn't have this specific problem before. It had a different problem because they started digging around in there. worse question where I'm like it didn't have this specific problem before it had a different problem cuz they said take your honor there and you start just you

know scraping and stuff stabbing and stuff how'd you get a new car and like deck yourself out like super killer year maybe maybe when the super killer 2 campaign is a smash hit no no I love my Honda element though. And they don't make the element anymore. Just get another car. No, because no car compares. Get a little Toyota Tundra or something. I specifically don't want a little thing. I need a giant box that when in the middle of the night I go,

I'm going to drive to a guy's house to pick up a PlayStation 1 kiosk. I know that my vehicle can handle it. Get a minivan. Get an Astrovan. Yeah, but those are like those. You know, I always wanted a, I guess you would call it like a camper van, right?

Oh, no. Don't say that. Just like the idea of your van having a bed in the back, like you just pull over and take a nap. Sometimes I just watch. I just got a horrible view into your future. Dude, absolutely. If I run out of money, I'll live out of,

the only reason I don't live- They're expensive though. Yeah, well the only reason I don't do it- You need to plan to be broke before you run out of money to get a Sprinter van or something. Well, the only reason I wouldn't live out of a Sprinter van is it would be unfair to my cats. I don't think they want to live in a Sprinter van,

but get in their own little van. Other than that, sometimes I get TikToks that are like, Hey, look at this RV. I'm like, Oh, that's pretty cool. Oh yeah. Man, RVs are getting nuts. I've been there in dark times. What do you mean dark times? I'm on Instagram looking at RVs.

Looking at RVs? RV life. You're going to have a family. You're going to be RVing. No, no, I have a house. I don't live in an RV. You go to that desert or whatever else? I mean, what's gonna happen now? Are you even gonna be a Burning Man guy? Can you bring- do you see children at Burning Man? They have a whole sec- they have a whole division of the clock that's Kids Camp.

And those fuckers are having- they're having a blast. They're having more fun than me. Actually, I hate going to Kids Camp because they're having so much fun. Yeah, I mean, it just makes me the desert and build in weird hippie structures. Well, because everything's like arts and crafts all over, fat people being naked. It's like, it's a paradise. So I guess, but then there's just- Drunk people to fuck with, like, hey asshole!

Boom! What are you gonna do? That is pretty interesting. Take that guy's bike, fuck him. Are there any good Burning Man documentaries? No, because everyone who talks about it and goes becomes such an annoying and obnoxious prick talking about like, What they experienced. Yeah, it's not even possible for a person to speak about it without being obnoxious and pretentious. Yeah.

I saw a guy on a bicycle made of light and it really opened up. And it really made me think about bikes. I just keep thinking about that guy who ran into the Burning Man and you're like, now that guy was having a really good time. I'm so sad I missed that year. You weren't there for the year a guy self-immolated in the Burning Man? No, and I, every year my favorite part is watching them try. Because guys do it every year. Every year

guys try to get in there. Oh, yeah, they try to run at it and then they got guys like the Rangers It's like a football game. I was gonna say is there like a guy whose job it is to stop people from burning? They've got two different. It's like it's like a game of over the line and they're all spread out So I'm like here we go baby. Red Rover, Red Rover, suicidal drunk man come over. You can feel the crazy and then they start They're like meerkats They're like I think it on my goo that guy that guy's thinking about it So I think about it, and then they go here. We go here. We go and they're like you know So that one guy may back to ten meters, that's a bummer

Was there any fallout from that did they have to like add more guys to everybody in his life Was so happy yeah, oh man. They're like that guy was so fucking annoying always coming back talking about burning me And it was hey, what are you guys gonna set a thing on fire is there gonna be a fire? I hope there's gonna be a fire later Mini fire ramp up to the big one Sounds like quite an event. It's just the same guy though. Just the same guy over and over.

Yeah, that guy is at every festival diving into the fire. Waiting for the fire. Oh man, the last festival we were at, probably the one where my wife got pregnant. Hopefully by you. But who knows, there's so many burning men. There was a guy that had, he was a real asshole, you know, and he tried to light himself on, he had a carpet on him,

and I saw him tweaking out in the middle of the dance floor and he had a piece of carpet on him, and if that thing catches, you're fucking dead. So he's laying it out and he's starting catching on fire, and I was like, oh baby, here we go, here we go, here we fucking go, dude. Did you nudge her where you're like, that guy's coming're like that guy's gonna. No, no, no cuz then you were worried she'd say something You'd have to yeah, there's no one that could share this with this is my this is your pride for maybe my son that guy's One day we're like check it out. He's gonna set himself on fire Shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh Tell mom and then a ranger this fucking ranger saw him

For a crosser. Oh, she comes booking in And they were like being all careful I'm like don't use your hands kick them I'm sorry you were denied the ability to watch a man set him so honestly that would have been a story Oh, I would have it felt so good. It could have took some yeah, that would have kept me going for like Okay, what we got we do we got a bonus episode up guys biggest problem in Jesus now available at patreon.com slash biggest problem Promo code biggest is three weeks away will be in Vegas Get your tickets with promo code BIGGEST. Is three weeks away. We'll be in Vegas. Saw news that the Bacchanal Buffet at Caesar's Palace

might be shutting down permanently. So this might be my last true Vegas trip. You'll have a new car then. I'll have a new car and a new life. OK, so use promo code BIGGEST. Biggest. Man, I've been watching Patrick Melton cover the toe. I'm hooked on the toe.

You're going deep into the toe lore, I've noticed. I'm checking my YouTube. I'm craving Nobody Likes Onions toe coverage popping up. Who's this new guy that toe's been a, he's got like a new co-host or? I don't know. He's got a new sign. I saw's got like a new co-host or I don't know he's got a new sign Maybe that's not I saw the sign is the co-host, but I need the NLO coverage. I need it I'm fiending for it now. He's out of town or something for and I'm like He's got that stupid 24-hour thing that you did which I fucking hate that could have worked if we've done it I hate it. I hate that he has it off early pisses me on. I know that spisses me off That's pisses me. Okay

You had to be there fallacy one. That's a good one That I did try to watch that video after or after our show and I said, oh my god It really is just insufferable that guy such a douchebag. I was shocked by like Okay, here's the idea if you're going on a comedy podcast and you want people to be receptive to your ideas, the first 30 minutes is like, hey, I'm a fun guy. I'm just like you. I'm just like you. How about fat chicks, right?

And then you can get into the liberal douchebaggery. All I'm saying is maybe if you're going to comment so much on something, you got to go. That's just me. You're not like, oh, you haven't even been there. Oh my goodness gracious as a liberal douchebag who successfully snuck my way into a number of conservative circles you gotta be fun at the front and then you and then you hammer em with the gay stuff. You gotta mullet em. Yeah exactly. No reverse mullet. You gotta sneak in.

Communist propaganda. Should have been higher. Men and their legacies and then writing checks. I'm getting a lot of guys be like, no, Vito, China really is great. I'm like, look, I'm sure they got nice stuff, but. You're arguing with bots. Yeah. That's what you're talking to them.

Chinese bot. I think it's pretty obvious that the government is paying him to look at, oh, look at this cell phone folds out. Our cars fly. They don't have nice stuff. It's a shithole. And anything they have that's nice was stolen from us. That's our money.

Yeah. Which better have my money? They have like, what did we say the homeownership was there? Like, everybody has two houses. Right. Because they have to buy them. Or they'll get shot. Or they'll get shot.

And the government just keeps making more. Dude, but I'm seeing videos from Westerners who moved there and they're like, check it out. I got this room at the top of a skyscraper. It's $500 a month or whatever. And he goes, and there's only four of us living in the building. And I'm like, it's kind of, I don't know, man.

You and your buddies. And the other three are Indian. Yeah, and he's looking out over like 20 other skyscrapers like all of those are empty. There's like maybe two white guys living at the top of a farm. That's why I don't get that. Okay. Okay. Not to get political, but that's why I don't understand the tariffs thing because it's

like, well, America's deal is like we can kind of react to things and like find the best way to do things in the chaos. China's building ghost towns that are 70 stories high That's a stupid way to do anything. They're obviously gonna lose Yeah, like it's one guy at the top if he fucks up the whole thing's done. We got like Thousands of guys Got all the slaves like that's the thing back when America was on top Okay, back, you know what those slaves will bite them in the ass.

Let me just tell you. They will, they will! Two hundred years from now they're gonna go, man, I wish we didn't have all those slaves. We should have killed these guys when we could have! Fuck! Now they got cell phones! But right now it is like, you know,

the burgeoning cotton industry or whatever, where it's like- No, no, you made it to- I'm just saying! You called it out. This is an improv. I remember there was a certain point in time where everybody's looking American. They're like well I wish we are you know slavery is obviously bad, but I wish we had some let's let's send them all to the South Great idea. Yeah, good idea. Fuck the South. Yeah, we're gonna do it Just let's just make it illegal and then we'll just there's a lot going on. All right

What other do that all the problems? Yeah, yeah, yeah, writing checks is at the bottom. Abba's Abbess is a debate show with a pain mechanism, would be amazing, something that shocks your balls. OK, Zach. Hilarious. I would like to list, oh no, that's a mean thing. Napoleon Pershing, Cornelius Douglas Murray Rose,

to prominence in Right Wing Circles, with a publication of the strange death of Europe Okay, I don't care about that pineapple man. I got friction burns on my forehead from tipping my fedora listening to the Religion episode the religion episode is very fun and is not not at all Not at all. It's just veto talking about Going to Bible camp going to Bible camp. Going to Bible camp. So honestly you have... My dad's experience of going to hell for some reason.

And also the idea that the Bible never delivered on the Myrrh Establishment Act 1, which I thought was very important. Chekhov's Myrrh. Chekhov's Myrrh. It should be in Revelation at least. I think God said... If Jesus comes back... Myrrh. Rosebud.

I hope the Myrrh and the frankincense comes full circle feisty penguin. Holy crap. I think it's the first time I've seen veto hatless. It's like seeing someone without a beard for the first time put it back on maybe with your minoxidil That was it's coming. It's coming Something about Trump Mike a says veto no Trump since no layoffs since Trump. We've actually hired. Wow, so. What do you mean no layoffs? At his business? Layoffs at his business.

Oh, congratulations. A bunch of other. I love anecdotal evidence. You were happy last. That's my favorite kind of evidence. Were you there at his company? Were you there? You know? Were you there?

Did you ever meet the guy? Justin Dreier, how isn't Superkiller finished yet? Lowell. Well, what can you Superkiller finished yet? Lol. What can you do? Is it closer? It is close. Hipster Banana, Douglas Murray clip insufferable. Yep.

Banana Stand, I didn't pre-order. I'm not going to buy it when it comes out. I have zero interest in Vito's comic. And I'm so exhausted waiting for his comic to come out. I can't imagine how people who paid for it feel at this point. I keep getting messages of support. I can't wait until I disappoint those people finally.

Christendorfer, Vito will hang on to that box of common throwaway magic cards forever. It'll take up space and never be worth anything. Great job whoever sent that in. I've got a real terrific Vito's booty for you today. Oh I hope it's more common magic cards. There was a presence of gondon there. That's a good card. Enormous king crabs. I don't know why there's so many super killer comments this week. Super killer is 100% done, but you need more artists and a new colorist

and a guy to manage the artists and colorists and some Chinese people to do something too. Super killer coming to you in 2027. That's not true, is it? It's looking pretty good. We've been going over and on stream. Come by my stream. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh. The problem is I don't want to spoil it, because the pages of spoilers are on them.

Because it's so good. Well, I don't want to show you guys what happens. I want to read the whole thing through. People die, new loves are established. But the main guy wins. I mean, what's the spoils? What does he win, though? What does a win look like?

Just like winning. Yeah, he's the big winner. Yeah, you gotta mess up and then overcome stuff. I will say I did update the merch store, guys. The Vito plush is now available from Killdozer.Industries. When does it go on sale? It's on sale now. Oh, OK.

So there you go. Not a moment too soon. LTG, Vito's dad falling asleep in the Domino's freezer. No, don't spoil it. You gotta listen to the episode. OK. Biggest problem in Jesus, I told a great story. I do kind of want to hear it.

I'll have to read that comment later. Don't worry about it. I just brought it in. Well, it's always funny when people hear my dad's stories are kind of bizarre. It's really underselling. He was a wacky guy. Xeroxys, biggest problem is having the touch screen end your call before you made your statement.

You get going on a good rant and you want to end it with a big hang up and the damn phone call ends midway. Can't call back. The wind is out of the sails. I think you're getting hung up on because you're boring everyone with your amazing rant. Oh no, I must have touched the touch screen. When does that happen where you accidentally hang up a call with your face?. Oh no, I must have touched the touch screen. When does that happen, where you accidentally hang up a call with your face? I don't do that ever. I've never done that.

I think they have specific detection built in to be like, that's clearly his face, because no finger is half the phone. Yeah, that's like, don't you have a beard? What are you, gay? You've got a nice baby bottom on your face there. I don't know what you're doing there. Xeroxies, okay, well, last problem. What are you, gay? You've got a nice baby bottom on your face there. I don't know what you're doing there.

Xeroxies? Okay, well, last problem. Biggest problem in the universe is competency test for voting, or the lack thereof. I think we did this on a bonus. That's literally already a problem. It was a bonus episode. All of this, you could get all of these desires satisfied. I said the Voting Rights Act of 1957 or something is the problem.

Yeah, Vito's being very racist on that. That got rid of competency tests for voting. Very, very racist. Not racist! Anybody can pass the test. Okay, I have a... before you do your Voted Up, I have a bit. I think I already know what the bit is, but... Here's the bit, though. I didn't have time to get to jingle music, so here's the one, a royalty royalty free jingle music off of Google Okay, I was just in the discord for some reason I see you

Are you ready for this bit? Let me see if I got it. Superkiller. Okay. Now we're all waiting for Superkiller. It should be out any week now. All the L's are getting dotted. And the Z's are getting crossed. At any moment it could pop. Next couple weeks I think.

You better hurry. My baby's got like 11 weeks to go. I think we'll tie the baby. We'll be out before then. Okay, so this is the bit. It's see if Vito can guess when he said this statement about Superkiller. Okay, are you ready? You gotta guess. Okay.

I think he's imitating you here. Here's another idea I'll never have the drive to produce. Don't mind the many other ideas I have yet to bring to fruition after years of support and interest. Aw shucks guys, I'm just a sad lazy collector of consumable bullshit. I don't know if that was- What ideas have I not brought to fruition? Well, Superkiller. Superkiller is coming to fruition! It is happening!

You can't say- But it has not happened though. Yeah, sure. That's the issue. Okay, so maybe sometimes projects take me longer than the average bear. I don't know. Okay. Okay, Vito, what episode or time did you say that? I'm gonna say episode...

How long ago? Let's say... If you get it within... If you get the right month, then you get a hint about the Vito's boy within a month I gotta guess what down to the money to get the right month. Yeah Let's see What was I wearing? Let me see based on what I was wearing. I'm gonna say it was a Month and year obviously not just month gonna say November. Okay 2022 2022 that's incorrect. That's way too far back Not just month. I'm gonna say November. Okay. 2022. 2022.

That's incorrect. Wait, wait. That's way too far back. 2023, I meant. You're thinking in the right direction, though. Yeah. Lemon Sake said March 9th, 2024. Is that right?

Oh, that's not that bad. March 9th, 2024. I'll take that. But then he said episode 31. That can't be right. It's not episode... Well, the bits... It's definitely not episode 31. The bits fall in the water. I wasn't, but then he said episode 31 that can't be right Maybe he did mean 131 working on it for the whole history of the fucking show okay, have you know Okay, and that doesn't work either so episode 31 was a while ago

Well, that's excellent, but you lost you didn't you didn't Even if I didn't know the answer you're not Yeah, I know that yours run We're a super killer, that's the bit Come Come on by my streams, you guys can see all the progress we've made. Thank you, Levin. Right, well I have another bit, Dick, and it's another throwback to past problems. I like to call it, Voted Up. Go to biggest problem not showing vote, or Vito is gonna show up at your house eat all

your food kick your dog and drive your fucking family into the god damn sea right you think this is a fucking game oh my think you're safe every vote you don't cast another nail in grandma's coffin pal show folk like your miserable little bloodline depends on it because it fucking does. Oh yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Voted Up. That was perfect. That was pretty good. That was perfect. That was pretty good. Alright. Exciting segment where we take a look at past problems and put them in a new light deck from episode number 53. This must have been one of years.

The problem of the homeless. Oh man, they're getting worse. They're getting worse. Well, they are getting worse, fantastically. Try to get rid of them. As a new report has found that the unhoused, as we apparently have to call them, which, how is that different from homeless?

I don't, do the homeless care about being called homeless? Why would homeless be offensive without a home unhoused means the exact same thing because people get too used to saying fucking and then the word and then they're gonna change the word is that's how all slurs have gotten it is harder to say fucking on how fucking on house but we'll get I'll get there yeah yeah it's fucking unhoused Hey, why don't you get on house you fucking anyway according to the LA fire department the unhoused Currently account for nearly one-third of all fire related calls

So of all the fires, yeah the homeless the unhoused are responsible for one third of them This may be in part due to the fact that from 2018 to 2024 The unhoused population Los Angeles wait a third of fire calls or homeless. Yes You kind of think would be more actually but nobody there's no like real fires going on It's just homeless guys lighten fires because they're bored fires cool. That's what Burning Man, the only reason Burning Man, you know it's like when rich people want to light fires they get a desert to do it in they build stuff. Homeless guys just got to light whatever they got on fire. Fire is cool. Yeah. I got one of those torch lighters you know those ones they got like the little torch that comes out of it. Yeah. And I just use it on stuff sometimes, just to watch it.

You got problems. Now you're talking about living in an RV, playing with torches. Living in an RV, playing with torches. You're gonna be one of these guys. The unhoused population in Los Angeles. Except instead of a meth lab, you've got like a- You just got a bunch of fire.

A 3D printer explosion, a Funko Pop lab. Well like the other day, I got a, I ordered a sandwich and the sandwich came and I ordered a mozzarella on the sandwich, right? And I expected, if you order a mozzarella on a sandwich, you know, like fresh mozzarella, right? Sure. Right, so I get the sandwich

and it's cold shredded mozzarella that is not melted at all. And I'm like, oh my God, it was a roast beef sandwich. What a cold roast beef sandwich? Yeah, that was also. No, they messed up. Somebody messed up. They messed up.

But then I was like, well, I got this torch over here. So I opened the sandwich up and I'm like, fuck, this is fun. I have greatly enjoyed my sandwich. Okay. And if I was a homeless guy, I'd probably be lighting all sorts of food on fire The unhoused population LA has grown by 44.6% from 31,285 to 45,252 individuals in LA currently 45,000 home unhoused individuals in Los Angeles

We got to get rid of these motherfuckers. Fire calls involving homeless persons during that same period accounted for 32.9% or nearly one third of all L.A. fire department fire activity. Now, the L.A. fire department has said that typically, you know, in the past, the most common call, Dick, for some reason, was sick and breathing difficulty. So if somebody's sick, you call the fire department.

I think any call, I guess. You call the fire department if someone's sick. Or maybe, I don't know. Who else are you going to call? Breathing difficulty, I guess. You know, you call the cops, you go, he's having trouble breathing. Can you send a, you know, fucking paramedics over to take a look?

Can you send one of those robot dogs over to kill him? Yeah, can you come shoot him in the head? But rubbish fires are now the most dispatched call type in 2024. Oh, that wasn't just for the homeless. That's for trouble breathing? I think, yeah, everybody. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah.

It's a lot of old people, man. Old people. You can't drive to the hospital. Yeah, you just call them up. It's a lot of old people, man. Old people. You can't drive to the hospital. Yeah, you just call them up. But now, again, the phone lines are tied up because it's, hey, a homeless guy is lighting something on fire. Hey, a homeless guy is lighting someone on fire.

It's now the number one call they're getting. Rubbish fires with a 475% increase in calls. In 2014, you only saw 5,000 of those calls. Now 30,000 a year. Hey, a homeless guy guys lighting something on fire. You gotta make it just legal to shoot them. I guess, why not? I mean it is kind of crazy that-

How is that not just murder? Also how- That's attempted murder bro. I had to do- he put me in a self-defense situation. Yeah. Did their fascination with fire grow? We gotta send the black guys in and say, hey, that homeless guy starting a fire just called you the N-word, dude. Oh my God.

Oh shit, let me get my knife. Stab. That situation's going very well. I don't know what's going on there. All I want is that beautiful white boy broadcast to all the white women all day. Show them who got stabbed. Show them what's going on.

Well guys, the homeless currently number 53. Oh no, this was from episode 80. So currently number 53 on the board. Voted up. Voted up. Another one, Dick. This was the problem of a reparation retardation from episode 82.

The idea that a past event has happened and the government now has to give people money to get over it. Well, on Tuesday, Trump appeared on Newsmax where he and Greg Kelly discussed the idea of reparations for the Jan 6 rioters. Yeah that's great. Great idea. They deserve it though. Greg Kelly asked is there any talk of a compensation fund because these rioters of course lost opportunity and income as a result of their

actions. And it's humiliating. They deserve a little bit more money. And Trump said, well, we're going to talk about it. A lot of the people, you know, I think these people were patriots as far as I was concerned and they were treated very unfairly. Very unfair. So it's very possible we could see a Jan 6 Compensation Fund. All right. Or if you were unduly jailed and lost income. Come on. Maybe some reparations are coming your way. Nice. Finally. How much?

How much price could you put on patriotism? Exactly. That's the worst part is they were fighting for America, right? Yeah. They had to go in and break all those windows. Those windows. Punch those caps.

We own those windows. Yeah. I don't care. I mean, he's also talking about he wants to reopen the the Ashley Babbitt he wants to look into that You gotta hang that guy that killed her Did they give a part? I think they gave a pardon to the cop that killed Ashley Badden I think he got one of- Can't Trump just drone strike anyone he wants? Yeah, that's true I thought the Supreme Court said that the president could do that Including citizens so

That's a really good point Pardon these myths Can't Trump just walk over to that guy and shoot him in the head and go Yeah, fuck you I'm the president can do that, including citizens. So pardon this. That's a really good point. Pardon these myths. Can't Trump just walk up to that guy and shoot him in the head and go, I'm the president. What do you want? So your preemptive pardon, sadly, did not.

He can bring Fauci on stage and just feed him with the dogs. You guys would love that. And he could give Mel Gibson to do it. Diplomatic immunity revoked Pardon me, but I'm not gonna lie if Trump like killed a guy it would be pretty funny it would be awesome Maybe just a really bad guy like we should get in that we should capture like a terrorist guy And Trump no terrorists will might win terrorists might win might take the gun away from him and shoot him No, no, no, you gotta have him like, you know locked up or something I'm just saying would be a big move for America if I got to watch Trump kill a guy on TV

He said hey Vance write this down. I'm pardoning myself for what mr. Trump But Vance would mess it up he would try to make some fucking joke For what Trump Rosie O'Donnell's butthole the butthole fucking damn dude you suck or Trump would kill him and the JD Vance would try to make like a quip he'd go that's a spicy meatball and go what the fuck are you doing man shut up ruin the moment idiot shut the fuck up why is he fighting on Twitter with fucking Jesse Singal go JD Vance. Open to the politicians.

He's open to the people. Responding to the people. You're an idiot. You're gay. And if you are gay, then you're straight. I do want more politicians arguing on Twitter and nothing to think about. Anyway guys, the problem of reparation retardation is Dick is telling us

clearly not a problem because sometimes Not for your guys just for black people currently well I was gonna say are there any black people get caught didn't it was a Ricky Tario technically black. He tardio Yeah, he's like what are you Mexican Puerto Rican? Well guys a reparation retardation currently number 193 don't forget to vote it up. Speaking of the Proud Boys. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

Drive your family into the sea. This is a fucking game. Oh yeah. Quats. You think you're safe? Every vote you don't cast is another nail in grandma's coffin, pal. Biggest problem, dot. Show. Vote. Let's gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Cool. I was gonna say, speaking of the Proud Boys, Josh Denny's comedy event is this weekend? I don't know. It got cancelled though, didn't it? I think they found a new venue, I'm not sure. We'll see what happens.

Cause the end cancelled it? The end apparently cancelled it. You gotta go review bomb the shit out of that restaurant at the end. No, I don't think that's necessary. I was raped there. I got raped there, not joking. It does suck that it was going to be the end. Two or three stars, believable. Don't throw any culture war shit in there,

but stuff like the order was bad and they messed up stuff, the new ownership, stuff that is not detectable as bombing. I think the problem is that they sold the end to new owners, and new owners are like, can you guys not do this? Yeah. It sucks. Do we know if the new owners are rapists or? I don't know. If they're into lolly or anything?

I don't know. I'm asking questions. All I know is that the event will not be at the end because sadly comedy has lost yet again to Crybabies who went, there's gonna be a Nazi rally at the bar. The maniac got canceled too. Did you see that comic, the maniac? Yeah, what the fuck?

This bitch ass Niobe or whatever I don't know some guy who draws creepy comics got pissed off at them They made a joke about him in the comic because obviously Parody like literally when you look at the history of parody like half the laws like political cartooning is clearly legal Well, they made they drew their character, Corgan drew their maniac character with a billy club beating the Golden Patriot and some Harley Quinn ripoff that this retard, Larry Nairobi made.

And then Larry Nairobi got a stick in his penis and started replying and reporting. He reported them to Indiegogo and got it taken down. Got it taken down the whole campaign, which is a huge kick in the dick. That really sucks. I hope they can get it back up.

I actually got an email from Indiegogo recently and they said, hey, what are you doing Superkiller2 cause we want some of that money. And I was like, I don't know, man. You guys never talked to me when I had the thing running. What's going on over there? There's not gonna be any money.

You gotta tell them that. Yeah, don't worry. That one's gonna fail. Get down to brass tacks with them. Don't lead them on it's funny that guy was in EBS is chatting went well. Here's the thing is you know they didn't label it as parody and I went oh He's he's a man Why is comic guys are like you know when you buy a you know when you buy a pack of garbage pail kids? You know right on the on the back pack of says by the way this is parody

I just want everybody to know it's parody like we get it. He knows he's just a piece of shit Don't take people's campaign. He knows it's just they're smaller than me. I'm gonna drill them I'm gonna hurt them grow a fucking fine people anyway if the maniac resurfaces will let you know Maybe it already has it hopefully I don't know it back look at funds my comic on my comic it might be a maniac Okay, here's my problem is men with daddy issues, or I don't know if it's just daddy issues Or men with daddy issues. I feel like women with daddy issues are all women. Pores. Yeah, it's like Kind of not the same. Women with daddy issues. Women with daddy issues is like well, you know You're not that much more annoying than women without daddy issues. You're just kind of like more of a woman right but men with daddy issues are

Fucked in the head and their brains are all scrambled yeah, like like monsters like a cornered like a dog at the pound All emotional and like ready to cry or snap at any moment Let me give you let me show you an example of a men with daddy issues here. Men with daddy issues are terrifying individuals. Right? Yeah.

There's something in their eyes where you think, man, your dad fucked you up, dude. Well, it's this weird like seeking a validation in all the wrong places where you're like, hey man, just be happy with yourself. Or don't. Or don't. Just shut up about it.

Like the rest of us. Yeah. Because now here's an example. Daddy never gave affection. What's that? That's Jeremy from Pearl Jam. Oh yeah. And then he went and he killed himself.

I never understood as a kid in the video, I'm like, did he kill the class or did he kill himself? I could I never understood as a kid in the video I'm like they killed the class or he killed himself uh I don't know okay. Here's now. Here's it. I know what you're thinking, but dick What's an example of a guy with daddy? Who could that possibly be well? Here's here's a guy with some daddy issues, okay, perhaps you've heard of them. Let me say name is I doubles I doubles Bubbles bubble bubble double content cop here. He is he made content cop of course Let me see. His name is iDubbles. iDubbles. iBubbles. Bubble, Bubble Double. With Content Cop, here he is. He made this video.

Oh, the Content Cop, of course. Yes. This guy iDubbs made this video. This guy's fame is known for his snarky attitude and taking down people with his ordonic wit, so I'm sure I'll be experiencing some of that. Well, that's what I heard. Yeah. Uh, I knew him as the guy that Sam Hyde raped. Right.

He tried to trick Sam Hyde, which is basically suicide. He's lucky that Sam didn't kill him, and he chose to be gracious. Samuel the Gracious. Man, that was really... He tried to get real with him, which was real of him. You know? The part where they're riding on the whiteboard,

and I'm like, oh, Idubbbs is retarded, because how did you... That was the rape. They're writing the rape. They're I'm like oh items is retarded because how did you that was the right? They're writing the right. Yes, just like animal pranks. I'm gonna rape him on his hands and knees I'm gonna ass rape. I'm gonna rape him in the mouth I Brought in this girl to rape him. She's gonna pretend to be my abused Wife and rape him in this way. I watched that video again. I watched it like six times

So good just cuz you can see Sam go I used a wife and raped him in this way. I gotta watch that video again. I watched it like six times. Just cause you can see Sam go Ah man I can't do this. I gotta try to help you. Yeah he finally has to break it to him where he goes Bro, we're pranking you. How are you this retarded? We wrote animal pranks on a white board

and then we said it was too hard to get an animal Samuel the kind Samuel the gracious We had a guy with a given color code is Safety like today today's code is orange. So if you want to get in that room He was trying to say look I know you need a dad and I'll be the dad for you right now because you really need one Yeah, you're where the way you're fucking up is because bro You need a male role model in your life to be like stop

Stop doing when I the worst the worst I've ever behaved drunk woke up I would I think the next day all my dad would not be happy. Yeah Dad would be telling you you're doing those ratchet straps around I think that's part why I drove my car home is my dad if my dad would be like you were driving around with the fucking radiator hitting whatever, not good. What did you think would happen? Did you make a funnel out of paper? Yeah, I made a funnel out of paper.

Probably a shitty funnel. Okay. I probably would have done it better, but at least you did that. Now, let me show you what absolutely no concern about what your dad might have to say about your behavior in society, and specifically on a giant platform like the internet. Millions of views. Which you, this is a video that Idubbz put out for consumption, wide consumption.

As part of his Cart Content Cop series, which is him ripping into people and. Right, here we go. Here's a clip that I pulled out to demonstrate the daddy issue behavior. You know, I also see the dynamic of Ethan and Neila like fuck like It's really hard to be um a couple online and see people attacking your partner, and it's like okay like if you come to their defense

If that doesn't always help them right sometimes that makes it worse, but you know I Crying why is he crying? crying about his girlfriend girlfriend is an only fans model married to are they married they're married are they doesn't matter okay she takes off her clothes for money people are gonna make fun of her and call her a whore yeah you know what you do you take the money swim around in in it a little bit. Don't worry about it. You probably don't schedule an interview with a guy who...

Who is that guy? Is that his new dad? It looks like he's in Vietnam. This is someone else that he wanted to be his dad. Yeah. Perpetually, like, Sisyphus on a quest for a dad. Well, that's what these guys don't understand is crying to dad is not how you get a dad. You know?

You're driving dad's way with that. You cry to mom. This is a guy who's cried to mom a dad, you know? You're driving dad's way with that behavior. You cry to mom. This is a guy who's cried to mom a lot and he never found out. So you only know how to deal with mom. No, no, you cry to mom. Is that right? Yeah. Because that's how you're behaving right now.

If you show up and you cry to dad, dad goes, go tell it to mom. Whoa. Let me stop you right there. You do that again, I'm out of here. I'm here to chastise you for blowing up the engine, not to listen to you whine. Are you crying about, um, you know, you lose money in the... Right. ...stock market, I guess?

That would be something my dad would understand. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you can cry. Kill the guy, you know? The factory's shutting down. Factory's shutting down. You're losing something about you. Yeah. Are you crying about a woman?

And you're crying... crying about a woman? The getting made fun? Your woman broke your heart. Your woman broke your heart. She fucked your best friend. Dad, you can cry. Yeah. She has cancer, you know?

Dad, I gotta tell you something. You know how my girlfriend's a whore for money? Yes, son, I'm aware of that. Which is cool. Which is cool. But there's all these guys on the internet and they say it's like not cool They're making fun of me. They're not stoked on my girlfriend taking her clothes off for money, and they think I'm a cuck Oh

Well you kind of got to just get through that buddy like the Godfather Act like a man! I watched some of his video. It's like totally Act like a man! I watched some of his videos, it's like totally trash and and well littered with this sort of pathology like six it gave me a sickness in me I mean I have to see a man in so much pain. Yeah, because he didn't have a Either didn't have a dad or didn't have a good dad. No and and that now what is he?

What is he? What is he as a person? A mama's boy. Well, he makes, I was thinking the other day, how pathetic, you know, you look at like some YouTubers who went like, hey, this was a exciting stepping stone to the next portion of my life. Yeah, this is bad.

Does this look like a dad to you? This is bad. This is not having a dad? I look at YouTubers who are like, oh, you know, now I'm making TV shows, or you know, there's that psychic Pebbles guy who's making that Smiling Friends show, or at YouTubers, they're like, oh, you know, now I'm making TV shows. Or, you know, there's that psychic Pebbles guy who's making that Smiling Friends show or whatever. And we're like, oh, amazing.

Yeah, they've, they, they. Strong dad stuff. Strong dad stuff. They said, this is clearly not something, you know, I can't just forever keep making the same YouTube videos I was making 10, 15 years ago. Yeah, yeah. And this guy comes out of nowhere and he goes,

remember the content cop? What if he was like still complaining about H3H3 and other people no grown. See, that's the thing, like the endlessly complaining on YouTube about each other was content for 14-year-olds. But now you're a grown man. You see this collection of. There's really so much of that.

Yeah, what is. This daddy issues right here. See, she's got it retarded black skirt too fat How old is I maximize his 40s nothing absolutely nothing hidden? Flipping off. It's like flipping off dad as he walks out the door, you know Five to come back here. I have to come in this room again. Yeah, I tell you to keep it down Like that this is so

Pathetic you know yeah Like if I was hanging out with a bunch of guys again like love so I didn't take a cool picture of us And we're all gonna do this I'd go that's stupid. I don't want to do that was bad Approximately 18 million children in the u.s. Live without a father in the home They could be making videos. How many of them are we sending back so we can get those numbers down? All of them. Hey, Dad Didn't Want You? Beyond There Does America.

Get the fuck out of here. That is the first one's out. Rooted in father's absence or dysfunctional relationships contribute to poverty, crime, mental health issues, and relationship instability. It is interesting how much of societal woes seem to be a lack of strong father figures. All of them. Yeah, yeah. Literally all of them. All problems are.

It's a big problem. At least when you're a guy, don't got to deal with you know Lady dad problems, which is you know wait what well like a liberal lady dad who's that? No saying I'm saying like like when you I Always make the joke I don't always make the joke, but I used to have the stand-up joke that I stopped doing immediately I'm like a fucking stand-up guy. Yeah, you know But I used to have the stand-up joke that I stopped doing immediately. You talk like a fucking stand-up guy. Yeah, I know.

You know? I used to do this joke. You know, I used to make this joke, and then the joke is, and it goes, first I walk up, and I get on the stage, and I hold the mic, and I just say the fucking joke! Well, I'm trying to remember exactly how it goes. I go, you know, I'm kind of a, I get it, like I'm kind of like safe, creepy, right? You? I don't know.

I say, you want to remind girls of their father. Oh. You just don't want to remind them of the night their father raped them. That's one of your jokes Yeah, could have just said that And that's you know, that's what women have to deal with Is that one night? They do that. It's like well, you just kind of like I could have just enjoyed that joke Right now just told it as a I didn't need you to say like This is a joke that I tell the other people. I don't know man. I was trying to build it into a larger point

Which is that there's different daddy issues for Yeah, different folks. Not all fathers are raping obviously. This is the daddy issue right here. Yeah You know? Look at this poor bastard We hard to be a couple online And it's like okay like if you come to the defense if that doesn't always help You know I also see the dynamic Sam Sam Sometimes that makes it worse. You know, I also see the dynamic of Ethan and Neil.

Sam Hyde's looking at this. It's really hard to be a couple online and see people attacking your partner. Yeah, you know what? OK, here's what I'm going to say also is if that doesn't always help them. Wow. Look, there's some of these guys who don't understand

that when you go... You know, when you, when you were a kid and you turn on the TV to watch Home Improvement, very rarely was it an episode of like Tim Allen weeping like a bitch, you know, cause you're like, I don't think any of those guys cried. If they had a very special moment, it would be like somebody's got cancer and we got to deal with it, you know? And you're like, okay, well that's real shit. You know, there was never an episode where Tim Allen's like they're making fun of Jill. They're making fun of my wife Guys Can I just say she's shaped like a bowling pin. Can I explain to some of you YouTubers who I can't? And her tattoos make her look like a whore. They make her look like a whore.

Whore. Whore. Whore. Whore. And then JTT comes in. Knock it off, Dad. Knock it off, Dad. You're being like a bitch.

Yeah, so there's like this weird thing with YouTubers who, again, they play into the parasocial thing where they're like, well, my audience wants to see the real me or whatever. And I go, no, you're still an entertainer. No one wants to watch you cry about your girlfriend. OK? You get to make the crying video when you get cancer or your dog dies or something. But other than that, yeah, just keep this bottled in.

Nobody wants to see that. Big time daddy issues. Yes. I remember when I was young and my dad pissed in my thermos on the way to school. And that taught me. Wait, is that a story for Andrew Tate? I don't know.

Seeing sounds like it. He was playing chess in his underpants and he hadn't washed them in three weeks to build up immunity to shitting. I remember one time me and my friends were going to go sledding and dad pissed in my sled and I rode my piss sled down the bottom of the hill. Statistics show 63% of youth suicides are because of daddy issues.

No those numbers aren't flated. Half of those are always autowidows cause of asphyxiation. What are you talking about? Is that real? Anytime you get suicide numbers. Get the fuck out of here shut up. any suicide number you have to cut in half No, any suicide stat number you get half of them are Misreported automatic asphyxiation. Yes kids aren't choking themselves and while they're jacking off talking about of course they are

They're not they go online And they go jerking off sauce is there a way to make? And then they ask chat GPD and chat GPD says yeah. Tens of thousands of kids. Yeah! How do you know this? All those trans suicides where they're like oh the trans suicide rate is like through the roof. They've already got stuff going on. No no no no no no.

All the trans people are just the first ones to be like I bet Jerk-it-off while I choke myself would be the best. Any suicide stat you see you gotta cut it in half immediately. My half? That's just the estimate. Of you? Cause the mom and dad hang out on Discord too much. Especially youth suicides. I know, you must have a secret Discord account. Because youth suicides are reported by the parents. The parents come home and they go, oh Mikey's got a fucking rope around his neck, he's got his dick in his hand. And then they gotta go to the school and they gotta go well He was really depressed anyway 63 percent. I'm saying cut in half

32 percent got it. Well the other half are jacking off because they don't have a dad What are you talking about? Why do you need that much? Pleasure out of jacking off because you don't have a dad right okay. It's the same same It's all dad related. 85 percent of incarcerated youths come from fatherless homes. I tried to get that with a race. Wait, 82%? You tried to get that without a race based slam? With race pulled out.

Yeah. Yeah, you can't get those numbers. But still the same. Still pretty high. Still the reason. 85%. It's a lot. Eye Devs belongs in prison for that.

I wonder what the rate of auto-erotic asphyxiation for the black community is. Probably not. Because they don't seem to need it. No, they don't. They don't need it. They're like, I just got a big old dick. I'm not going to choke myself, Whitey. Man, you had the weirdest tweet this week.

What are you talking about? You said at least the guy that, at least Carmelo, whatever, that black guy that stabbed that Metcalf kid, you're like, at least he's a good looking stabbed murderer or something. I didn't say at least Carmelo whatever that black guy that stabbed that Metcalf kid you're like at least he's a good-looking stabbed murderer I didn't say at least he is I said you have to admit he's a good-looking murderer What the hell was that? As far as murderers go normally look I gotta be real when you get the white guy shoots up his school It's always like a fucking joker looking kid with the shaved head going with his bug eyes or whatever and the black kid stabbed somebody and he looks like fucking Jaden Smith he looks cool I think he's like he can rap or play basketball. Yeah, no, it didn't seem like a cool thing. I didn't say he looks hot, I just said that's a good looking guy, he's handsome. Let me find this, Vito comedy.

We got who do we got we got Dylan Roof with his bowl haircut you're like bro if you're gonna be out here killing people on behalf of the white race, can you at least give an example of why the white race is so superior? Because I look at you and I go, no, we don't need more bowl cut kids. Damn it. How do I look for? You know, like if Leo DiCaprio started murdering different races, you'd go like, OK, well, now he's got a... Deleted.

What? What? He deleted it. No, that's a different one. I deleted it. How come this guy's saying there's no possible motivation for shooting children to a tweet you deleted? There's no pause? This is ancient. What is this from? I don't know, I'm trying to find where you said that shit about... I'll find it in two seconds. Carmelo.

I didn't delete that one, hold on. I said you gotta admit that's a good-looking murderer. Cause he is! Uh... I tweet a lot. I enjoy tweeting. I enjoy tweeting. I talked about iDubbbz. I had some cats.

Look, all I'm saying is Why don't you just bring up a picture of the guy? Because I want to see how you phrase it exactly. Now that you're trying to say it wasn't, that he's lost for going on this week. I didn't say that he looked sexy That is definitely not what I said. I said you got to admit here. You got to admit. He's a good-looking murderer good-looking Good-looking look at me. Look at that suit

That's pretty he's got like a style to him When Dylan roof showed up to court you went oh man you're really not representing the white race here. Who's that kid who shot up the fucking kindergarten? All these white psychos, they're weird bug-eyed losers. This guy comes out he goes, Yeah I stab whitey. What are you gonna do? I stab whitey all day.

And you go, all right. At least you gotta admit he's a good looking murderer. Are you like in love with him? He's put together. Helooking murderer. Are you like he's put in love? He's fucking is that like your Ted Bundy for you. Yeah, this is my Ted Bundy. I want to send him a letter I think it's a little weird. I don't think it's weird. Look at him. Are you gonna write him? I think if this guy was not stabbing white people doesn't help people see it I'd say I need to see him more cuz I want to see it. I Don't want you using the monitor. Look at the picture of him.

Carmelo Anthony. I see him right here. No, but that's like small. You got to see him like full picture. Look it up. Come on. All right. I want the audience to we should put up a we should put up a chat.

Okay. Is he an above-average murderer? That's that's him right there. There he is. He's playing. He played for the Lakers. It's with a K. That's him right there. There he is. He's playing for the Lakers. Murderer. It's with a K.

I looked up with a K! No, not the mugshot. That's...come on. It is a bad mugshot. This, you say, is... I want him in the suit. This is the guy you're saying is good looking? Not that picture. That's a bad picture. You got a bad picture of him. That's what he looks like. No, no, no, no, no. Hold on.

That's him on his worst... Yeah, look, he's wearing the suit there. What are you talking about? Now, that is a young professional right there. I would let that guy sell me a car. It sounds like you'd let him do other things, too. I don't want to fuck Carmelo Anthony, okay? Why did you say he's a good-looking murderer, then? But if I was trying to set up a cuckolding type situation and I needed a black bull to run a train on my girlfriend.

Are you thinking about this stuff with this guy? Perhaps. I'd say okay, let's get into it. What about him is good looking to you? He's, I mean the guy he killed is good looking too. I'm just saying like normally when there's these murders. Well he's handsome but. Normally when you get these murders the guys are like ah

But you know this guy's kind of put together there. He looks good. No you said good-looking You said you have to admit it was like you have to admit as far as if you were Why would you be thinking that because if you were a father and your daughter said this is my boyfriend Why are you thinking this weird stuff? You know, if it was other guy, another type of black gentleman, you go, I don't know about this, but this guy shows up wearing a suit, kind of got like a Will Smith looking kind of thing,

kind of like a, and you go, okay, well, you know, he's put together. Maybe he's one of the good ones, you know, you would say. I would never say that, but one of these fathers might say, oh, maybe he's one of the good ones. Are you like talking to your daughter after the date going, so that guy, you know, he was a good looking guy. I really like the way he looks. Is he full black?

Is he like half black? Cause he's really put together. Well, that was a weird thing. I just think. I came across that in like the, it came up on my phone in the morning. I was like, I don't want to wake up to this weird. He cleans up. Well, he cleans up. Well He was looking for the press pictures of it. Oh, yeah, the present was the press car. He looked

It was weird above average for a murder guy I would say I don't even know why you're thinking about that though Guy cuz when I see white murderers I go go, ah, you guys, come on. You're out here saying the white. It's like you had to say something nice about the black guy, even though he's, cause he's in jail. I'm saying normally when there's these, these, these big time murder situations, even Kyle Rittenhouse, look, I love Rittenhouse, but he's kind of a chubster, you know?

And you go, ah, man, it would be cool if it was like, you know, an all-American, you know, chiseled quarterback type. Instead we gotta be like, this goofy pudgy kid is the savior of self-defense. Yeah, but that didn't happen. It happened to the black guy. Well, that's what I'm saying. You gotta admit, I'm jealous of the black community. The black community. The fucking juices are really churning over here. They're very lucky. Jello's jiggling. Don't you think that's a little weird? No, I think it's a, I think The black community. The black community. The black community. The black community. The black community. The black community. The black community. The black community.

The black community. The black community. The black community. The black community. The black community. The black community. The black community. The black community.

The black community. The black community. The black community. The black community. The black community. The black community. The black community. The black community.

The black community. The black community. The black community. The black community. The black community. He's a good-looking, for a murderer, he's a good-looking murderer. Okay. Sometimes, I think honestly, let's be real, I think part of the reason that this story is getting so much press is people go, people love good-looking murderers. It's a genre. All sorts of people. When a ugly person murders, you go, well yeah, because he's got nothing going on. But that guy, you go, oh man, he could have been banging white chicks all day long If you some see I know it's weird

I'm telling you that what you're saying is where it's coming from is weird He didn't stab that guy right now He could be banging all sorts of white chicks and living the life or whatever, but you know much one sort He's throwing it away I think you know what I'm saying. No, well I do. That's weird that you said it. Good looking guy. And then there's a part of you that goes, I don't want a good looking guy to go to prison.

And that's part of why OJ, nobody wanted OJ to go to prison. See, you're talking yourself into weird stuff. Because OJ was a good looking guy. You go, I don't want a handsome guy to go to prison. Or Ted Bundy. He was so good looking, you're like, no, I want murder women guys in prison. They get a creep like Dahmer. You go, obviously fucking sham. Well, I don't want that guy to go free at all. Look at that creep.

No, it's something with black guy in a suit. That's like your black guy in a suit is a great genre. We need more black guy in a suit stuff. What kind of suit like action movie? Well, not a not a jumpsuit, which is unfortunately is gonna be wearing soon alright Here's my problem dick okay You ever shopping at the store walking around the store, and then you go ah you know what one of those things I got to do because I'm a human being is I got to use the bathroom

At the store at the store which is already gonna be terrible yeah, okay? It's not happening now if you're at like a Target or a Walmart or whatever, thankfully there's this thing where nobody has to know that you're going to use the bathroom. You can just go in there. Room test one. Okay. There you just go in, do your business and leave. Yeah. But then you go to some of these stores and you go to, they go, oh, there's a bathroom over here Oh, thank God you go over do it. Yeah, there's a fucking keep had yeah from the future To stop you from shitting without anyone knowing that you're shitting who gives a shit about them knowing that my problem is Having to find an employee to unlock the bathroom. Okay, okay Look, I understand. We are no longer a high trust society.

We have to lock up the Legos. We have to lock up the shampoo. We have to lock up the chips. We have to lock up the chips and the baby formula. Chips are getting locked up. I didn't think this was going to be a racial problem, but I guess it kind of is. Well, what's nice is about locking up chips.

Everybody likes chips. They just are locked up now. They're just locked up. OK? Anybody could want them. I understand. Just put a suit on, and you get all the chips you want. Can't we go back to just like the bathroom is unlocked Yeah

You know and if a guy is doing fentanyl in there Just have one employee who like maybe once an hour has got to go in and kick that guy in the ribs until he leaves No, because they'll just mess it up. They'll break the toilets. They'll smash everything Yeah, they just want to smash and kill everyone for fun. Okay, so if we got to lock the bathrooms, can we at least have like some sort of... Can we get an AI to unlock the bathroom for me? An AI. Yeah, can I show up and there could be an AI and it goes,

Hi, what are you planning to do in there? I go, you know, shitting, pissing. You want like an Indian? Yeah, sure, an Indian call center. At least it's somebody who's like, you know, I'm never gonna see again I don't gonna lock eyes with them and be like, hey, I'm gonna go in there and pee and poop I don't want to talk to another human being about that. Like a bird? Yeah, I'll do both. A little of both. Is it because you're thinking about pooping? Because you could just pee and it's fine. There's a number of different problems involved, okay?

First of all is, sometimes there's nobody around and you gotta get into find a fucking employee. You gotta you gotta trek around the store to find a guy. Yeah. And again it's not like a guy the average retail worker is not like oh how can I help you sir? They're like yeah! And you go what do you want? What do you want? What do you want? What do you want? You go, what do you want? What do you want? They're so exasperated all the time. Right, they always look, and they're so downtrodden.

And I watch them, I watch what they're doing. Like if I have the time, I'll sit there and watch what they're doing, and it's just always nothing. Right. They're just exasperated and taking the same item off the shelf, put it back on. They do that for eight hours. Yeah, or just sitting there stressing out and thinking about stuff that needs to happen.

They're perpetually miserable for doing nothing. For the bare minimum. And you go, yeah, uh, gonna need someone to unlock. In your life, though. Gonna need someone to unlock that bathroom. And what's worse is when it's not one of those ones where they can just give you the code, like they gotta do it. Because then you get the, uh, follow the key the token system was the best yeah get a token at the top token

in there I get a token yeah what happened to that did the homeless guys start like manufacturing tow yeah there was a Popeyes where I used to live in Hollywood yeah and it's reminding me of this some kind of street economy of shit tokens well yeah cuz we were all in the line and this homeless person comes in He's like yo, can you ask them for a can you ask them for a token token from me? I was like no fuck you It goes down the line and this dumb white woman's like oh, oh, uh could I get a token for the bathroom? And they weren't paying attention like here you go she goes oh here and everyone went no no no no do not give him a token

Do not give him a token. He's like oh what it was like swiper no swiping I'm just gonna do a little crack. Just gonna do a little crack. It ain't a big deal. Yeah, fuck you I'm just gonna throw him a poop on the fucking street get hit by a bus you piece of shit The the accommodation of white people really yeah,, we were... Was that dumb bitch? It caused a lot of problems. Oh, can I have a bathroom token? Can I get one for my friend? She's like, yeah, she's like, oh, here you go.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Wasn't there like a Starbuck... Do not redeem. I think there was like a Starbucks that there was like an incident where they kicked a guy out for, and then they got like sued for like a billion dollars and all the Starbucks were like, all right, nobody can use the bathroom now. Yeah, they're fucked now. Because you all fucked it up.

I think it was San Francisco, they had like open bathrooms and then they're like, what are can use the bathroom now. Yeah, they're fucked up. Cause y'all fucked it up. I think with San Francisco they had like open bathrooms and then they're like, what are we doing? No, none of you are, you have to buy something. And all these well-to-do white people were like, well, you know, they need a place to have dignity. It's like, well go have dignity fucking anywhere other than Starbucks. No, they don't, they don't.

Fuck you. Yeah, no. They really don't. Give them a bag to shit in. At this point, anyone that has any kind of opinion on homeless people, if they don't live within like, pissing distance of a homeless person, I want them to off themselves. Their opinion on the homeless is irrelevant at that point. How many homeless people are in your

six block radius? Oh, none? Oh. Shut the fuck up then. Wait, wait, wait, I'm sorry. You're saying you have to be there in order to comment on it, dick? Do you have? Cause I feel like your problem last week was the exact opposite of that.

Uh, if you, yeah. You gotta walk through homeless town. Do you know a homeless? Do you know a homeless? Yeah. Have you been homeless? Have you even been homeless? Have you been unhoused?

Just meet one. I don't want, OK, so I don't want a guy to let me into the bathroom, to know I'm in the bathroom. I don't want anyone thinking about me being in the bathroom. Why? Who cares? It's just weird. I don't want that interaction.

It should just be there's a private room that everyone can enter and do their business and leave Yeah, and maybe there's a code you can obtain or whatever and again, it could be AI I think an AI could ask five simple questions solve the capture, you know What are you gonna do? And then the AI will you're in there every three minutes can go you only got a couple more minutes I'm gonna have to explain yourself to an AI Yeah

Constantly at full volume because they can't hear you know what cuz it's always work The big problem has always been that we can't put video cameras in bathrooms for obvious reasons. So we should undo that Well, I'm saying if an AI is washing the camera and the AI Which is not a person can go I don't care if a computer watches me piss and shit, right? And then the computer can go hey that guy's pulling out a heroin needle and call the front desk And then I'd go oh yeah, well then what then you got to deal with the heroin needle That's the problem, but I'm saying deal with the people doing crimes in there well Yeah, but now you know there's a crime in there

You know you know there's a crime in there soon as they get in there. They're gonna do crimes. It's a good point I Guess for the eyes not gonna solve gotta repeal the Civil Rights Act. That's the only way to solve this Anyway, here's my pitch dick is why is there no app because homeless people don't know how to use a phone Yeah, can't there just be a bathroom code app That's what George Costanza subscription service. Yeah, I'd pay $1.99 a month to unlock all bathrooms in America that That was a fucking app. Wait, what was this? What was this? On the Seinfeld reunion, the iToilet.

The iToilet was to find? I would show you any bathroom that's open for you. Well, yeah, there you go. I mean, yeah. I'd pay for that access. Well. There should be a toilet subscription service in America. $4.99.

No, I'd pay $9.99 a month. Just ask for the bathroom key. Hold on. Why don't we build? This is a company.9.99 a month. Just ask for the bathroom key. Hold on. Why don't we build, this is a company. We. We, America. The greatest country on earth.

When you go into the Target, there should be the regular bathroom for the retards. And then you could pay, if you're a part of iToiletPlus for $9.99 a month. Who are you thinking when you said that? Anybody. For $9.99 a month, there should be a separate premium bathroom experience. Premium bathroom. Yeah, okay. And all the top Americans will pay for it. And we'll be proud to pay for it.

Put all new toilets in, like a toll lane. One of the toilet stalls could be fucking, you know, electronically locked. Right. The big- No, I get it. The big handicap one. Let's put it this way. Okay, the handicap guys get in there.

Everyone wants to use the handicap stall. Right. It's big. Lock it. There's room in there. can put your stuff down you take a think okay lock it up charge a subscription It's not worse than the consent Dom, but it is bad the idea. I think people would pay for this I would pay for this yeah Because I'd be at the target my buddy goes I gotta use the bathroom I'd go see him go to the poor person bathroom I go I don't want to be friends with that guy's even pay for the premium experience

How often do you have to go to the poor person bathroom. I go I don't want to be friends with that guy He's even pay for the premium experience. How often do you have to go to the bathroom? That's a surprise in a store. We've discussed this when you enter a new area the the pressure change in the atmosphere results in an internal Changes so how often do you have to surprise me when I go to the fucking grocery store and you're walking through the freezer aisles. You're shitting at the grocery store? I can't help it because you are in suddenly, you're in like the refrigerated meat department and it fucks up your fucking internals. It's a sudden drop in body temperature. No it doesn't.

You have hot poop inside you, right? That's just been building. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I don't want to hear about that. If the rest of your body is hot, everything's in equilibrium. But suddenly you got a cold outer body. You're fucking, your system is all fucked up. With hot poop inside it.

No. And your body recognizes that and it goes, equilibrium's out of balance, we gotta get this hot poop out of our cold body. That's why when you go in the freezer section, you got a poop. Do you avoid the freezer section? Yeah, because I got all this hot poop and pee in me. You know, this is disgusting. And your body wants to maintain an equilibrium temperature.

And it goes, you gotta get that hot out. The only other option is there could be a part in the store that is hot. Why do you wear heat packs? Well, yeah, I'm saying there could be like, there should be. You got hot hands. I think in the grocery store, there should be like a little sauna area that you can go stand in.

Oh, you don't need that. To get your body temperature back up. Oh, come on. So you don't gotta use the bathroom. It's just revolting. Like, human body is a nightmare. What do you want? I didn't design this fucking thing.

No, your body. All bodies. No. Everyone's pooping and peeing. Very rarely. All I'm saying. Very rarely are people surprised by having to poop. Next time you go to the store,

stand in the freezer section for like 10 minutes and see if you feel any bathroom urgency. What, five minutes? Is that what your dad was doing when he was in the- He was having some bathroom urgency. Like a laxative? He was trying to bring his body temperature down to get an equilibrium going.

Bonus episode now available on Patreon. All I'm saying is premium bathroom experience. It's always poop, it's always pee. So that's why you're embarrassed. Oh, it's not always poop, sometimes it's pee. And somebody has to clean up after you in there. No, they don't gotta clean up after me. I do an excellent job of cleaning up,

except that one time I was here, which is not a big problem Your toilet wasn't flushing correctly. It's your fault Okay, there should be a bad day on that upstairs toilet toilets and stuff Poop I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's disgusting. It's a real problem. It's a problem that people can relate to Okay, my problem is forgetting to wash your hair. Forgetting to wash your hair. Just like... How do you forget to wash your hair? What do you mean?

I don't know. But it happens to me all the time. You... That doesn't make any sense. I'll have my hair up in a bun or something and I'll wake up and go like, alright, today's hair washing day. Because it's such a pain in the ass to wash my hair. How often do you wash your hair? What do you mean hair washing day? Like once a week. Once or twice a week if I smoke something or if I did extra bad stuff in the week I'll wash my hair.

Wash it how? Just to get it out. With shampoo and conditioner, what are you talking about? You do that once a week? Once or twice. Yeah. It's bad to do it too much. How do you bathe otherwise?

The fuck are you talking about? People don't wash their hair every day. Oh. Okay. Not people with long hair. Yeah, well I don't have long hair so I don't know. What are you acting disgusted about washing my hair? Well I just- Once or twice a week. But you like, do you put your head under the water at least? Like normally? Yeah. Yeah, you just get it, you get it a little wet. So you get it wet. Not all the way wet. But you don't use shampoo ever, you don't use like a little bit of shampoo? Every day? Yeah.

No, that would mess your hair up. Oh. You could, I guess, but I'm pretty sure that would get all the oil out of your hair, mess it up. It would get all the oil out of your hair? Hold on. What is this, like a, what is this, a Tim Robinson thing? I don't have you acting like, did you fuck, this is what you did to your hair? Hold on. What is this? Is this a Tim Robinson video? I don't have you acting like... This is what you did to your hair and your hair

fucking got out of there. You're fucking washing me hair too much. Maybe. Maybe that's why I just tried my hair. I wear a shower cap like it's the 30's. Okay. So you protect your hair. No, I don't have a shower cap. But I'm saying ladies do do that. That's fair. Yeah, ladies do that. You wash your hair like once or twice a week.

I shampoo every day. What do you shampoo with that minoxidil stuff? No no that's not technically shampoo although I did get a new shampoo that's like a hair thickener thing. When I had short hair I did. You would shampoo every day. Yeah but I can't like two in one. Because the oil will go away. Yeah you can't have long hair and wash your hair. It takes fucking forever. It takes like, it takes a long time. And then I get impatient and I'm like, fuck, I don't want to sit here drying my hair all day.

I'm just going to go and do stuff. But then I get water everywhere, all over the back of my shirt, all over the couch. But if I don't wash my hair in any respect, like my scalp gets itchy from the yeah from the Decipis all of it so every day. I got a wash my head Just a basic bitch shampoo I'm like $80 shampoo. Okay, upgrade that shit. You have like actual nice hair to protect. I've never had nice hair, okay, you got a

No, I don't got a nice table. I don't think my shampoo regimen is the reason I lost all my fucking hair Okay, what are you using like pert like yeah, perhaps? Yeah for shampoo? Yeah, don't you something nicer cuz I don't have enough a hair to care about it like me very ways a little drop Yeah, exactly the amount. I don't need very much. Just a little drop. Yeah, exactly. I don't need very much up there. These Dr. Brunners are something. No, I got the...

Actually, Hims has a new line of shampoo, so I got that. You're a company man. I am a company man at this point, because I need that stock to come back. God damn. Come on, let's go. They're coming back. They're coming back. I was at CVS, they got Hims shampoo. I was like, that's a good sign anyway

Yeah, then I forget and I get out of the shower and I say, oh It's just okay I always forget after I get dressed Fucked I'm not taking all my clothes off to go wash my hair. I'll just deal with it Another day and they won't kill me. But then I take my hair out of the bun, and it's like all kind of dreadlocky. And it's like, you can see it clumping up where it's going.

Or I'm losing my hair. It's like clumping there. And I'm like, uh, am I losing my hair? Is it just clumped in a weird way? I should just wash it. Do you use conditioner? Are you conditioning? Yeah, you got to use conditioner separately. Is it just clumped in a weird way? Conditioning yeah, you gotta use conditioner separately yeah, I Don't want anyone to look at it salon can't get a can you get a shampoo at a salon? Do they still do that takes forever to beat the I feel like I had long beautiful flowing locks. I would enjoy

You cut this I had long beautiful flowing locks. I would enjoy Asian women fucking I'd have a spa day with it Thanks for some reason Alexa really likes that idea, too Yeah, I mean ladies got like nice nails. They go they have Asian ladies fucking the nails I've had nice long hair. They just like spending money. They actually hate doing the nails. I did get a manicure pedicure one time with my girlfriend of mine. Did you like it? No, I was like you do this like more than once. This is awful. Horrible. I hate it. Have you? Dude, they take a little knife and like cut away the skin and I'm like, what is that? Why is that necessary? I feel like when you touch a dog's paw and they're like, uh, that's it.

Get the fuck out of here. They're like, this is the part where we take a sharp thing and cut away the little bit of skin that's on your nail. And I'm like, for what fucking purpose? Why? It's horrifying. Yeah. You know, I guess the feet stuff was fun.

Why do they think their hands need to look so good? I don't get it at all. I don't understand it. No one's looking at your fucking hands. No. I've never had a lady go like, look at my nails, I go, well now that's, I'm going to take that one home. You're going to be wearing boxing gloves with hands drawn on them. Yeah, right. But this one, I got them all these colors or whatever. You just feel gross. Why did

I shower at all? But that's the thing is that I don't understand. It's like, how are you not walking around? What happens when you don your hair? Don't you just need to feel greasy and oily and shitty? It feels like you got like a Gumby head. It's like a Lego man's like like buckwheat, right? Well, that's why when you said I don't wash every day I'm like, how does it not just feel because you got a it hanging on you got a couple days the first day wash it It's shitty cuz it's all fluffy at least for me. All right I'll just look gay today. Whatever day two three four and then five like I gotta wash it. Yeah, okay Then you forget oh day five is gonna be bad

Also, I would get day six. Yeah, oh No, well, we're living in the future. They haven't invented any devices that make hair washing more exciting and Exciting? Well, yeah, like can't you get like a machine you put on your head and just wash your hair while you walk around or something? I don't think so. I saw a laser helmet for regrowing your hair

and I started researching whether they actually work. Have you seen these? Yeah. I was like, wait, is that a real thing? And then I looked it up. It's that red light shit. Women discovered red lights. Yeah.

Anything has a red light in it. I was like, what the fuck do you mean? I was at the, did you see I looked at red light shit women discovered red lights yeah every anything has a red light in it I was like what the fuck do you mean I was at the you see I was at the I'm learning about new things that exist I was at the thrift store yeah and I saw the rape fear Fanta mask as I call it well there was a guy who made a YouTube video one time it was a those like masks you put on for like makeup oh oh, yeah, they're rejuvenated They have a laser man. They had one. That's one was specifically a Skin whitening mask. Yeah, I think for Asian ladies who want to be like porcelain dolls There's a million ladies inside of it, but you put it on you look like a rapey fucking guy

I don't even know how they invented that like why they decided hey We're gonna start doing masks and sell them to women is like magical light I think well, it's it's based on Well, that's the thing is like it wants a why did it take them until that moment to invent it when we've had red lights For like ever I think the astrology it would be funny to find out the astrology industries at the bottom of all of this And they go if we can just trick them into thinking stars have power we can sell them anything. Yeah, but yeah they can but the craziest things Well, they've always had and I always know like there's no way you'll be able to talk them out of this Yeah, they think it's real

Women are obsessed with anything that they think will make them But why not rocks like why not two rocks that you sit at home and hold it? Why is it the Jason mask with lasers? Hey, hey, hey, shut up, save that, that's good. Don't give away the plot. Yeah, yeah. Why not a towel with healing herbs in it? Hey, are you worried about your wrinkles? Just lie in bed with a rock on your face. Like this. See, cause the muscles in your face will tense up and D-A-G-U. If we sold the face beauty rock, face rock

You just have to lie in bed for an hour with a rock on your face dude Please let's do this as a gag gift for guys to get their girlfriends And they go dude you gotta try it. I mean like buy Instagram ads Let's do AI face rock and then just ship fucking rocks. And you get guys, we need guys around the country getting pictures of their girlfriends lying in bed with a rock on their face. Yeah.

Let's get women to buy The face rock. The face rock. And we'll make all bullshit. And we need all the before and after of like, I didn't think it would work, but the face rock and we'll make all the before and after of like I didn't think it would work but the face rock is really all AI Before and afters like just a different one The magical healing powers of the Hamaga stone have been known to the tribe of the Wagandans for of the Fagawis Yeah, the Fagawis. We're the Fagawis

The women of the tribe would put on their face rock every night and their skin famously stayed perfect. All right, let's do it. Not one of your bullshit things. If we can get women around the country to put a fucking rock on their face and just lie in bed. Sleep in the rock. You get a lie motionless. Guys will love it too. Hey, you gotta go to bed. Use your face rock you dumb bitch. I'm playing video games. Hey, you got to go to bed use your face rock dumb bitch. I'm playing video games You have to lie motionless with a rock on your face if you move it fucks it up It fucks up by the deluxe package with this music that you can play in your rock that makes your tits bigger You gotta put that one on your chest. It weighs 50 pounds

I just want a picture of some bitch covered in rocks. Just lying in a bed just covered in rocks. Improve your stupidity. I'm gonna be beautiful. This rock burns fat. It's a magic fat burning rock. Just put it on your stomach. Yeah, we print some boxes. The face rock. Yeah! A new younger, a new more beautiful you. Fucking what's-her-name was selling a rock to put up your vagina for some reason. That's dumb. Gwyneth Paltrow. If we can get- if women will put a rock up their vagina, I'm pretty sure we can get them to put a rock on their face.

I'm pretty sure it can be done. Those are- yeah. Those are two equal things for them. Honey, can you balance my beauty- beauty rock on my face It's gonna come in the kind of rocks we need to grow we could absolutely fucking have a like a nice packaging Let's do it. Let's do it the face rock coming soon the real nice packaging that you don't want to throw away, right? Right. Yeah, like a nice box It's got to be like a made in America made in America And it's got to be one of those boxes the the rubber inside a perfectly molded around the face. Oh, yeah. Yeah Oh look at that

Okay Face rock all the women of the world are gonna be beautiful. Thanks to face rock Well, it absorbs it absorbs The minerals that cause aging it absorbs the negative Minerals and ions it absorbs the fucking ions The best thing about face rock is the more of them you get the faster it works. So just fucking stack them up On your head have your husband yet be a rock. Hey bitch. Hey, you stupid bitch stack these rocks on your head There is listen there is a zero percent chance. There's a hundred percent chance that we will sell at least

Sell a couple little Instagram ads of the face rock with absolutely layaway put it on layaway 29.99 women sell them to the ripitides Some day ritualized fans. It's like the pet rock of updated for a new generation mothers They give others don't like a mother's day gift for you the face rock I never thought that I could be beautiful again, but thanks to putting rocks on my fucking Okay, nobody say anything about it. Nobody say anything, keep it quiet. Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up. Don't ruin it.

Don't tell any women. All right guys, my problem is, Dick, sometimes you're watching these movies, man, like these cool sci-fi movies from like the 80s and even earlier, and they're going, hey, look at what the future's gonna look like. Yeah. And you're like, oh man, the future's got some cool looking tech, you know? That's cool. Can it stop you from getting stabbed at a track meet?

No, it cannot do that, unfortunately. It can't even get video of that for some reason. I bet it exists. I've heard it might. I wanna see it. Oh really? Supposedly. I think at the press conference, they were saying, I don't know, whatever.

All I know is I was looking at all these guys and they got all this cool stuff with buttons and disks and they'd be like, you know, putting like these big chunky floppy discs in for data or whatever. You're like, oh, that's cool. I can't wait to have all that stuff. And then we got to the future and you're like,

oh, what's the future of technology? It's, you ever like, you ever like, you know, playing with like an old camcorder and it's got all these like features or whatever? I'm always finding like old tech at the like thrift stores or whatever and going, wow, this is a really interesting design, especially because it's LA.

There's a lot of old film equipment around. And you go, wow, for the guys editing fucking 8-millimeter tape, you had this complicated setup, and you had to string the tape through and all these precisely manufactured things and buttons or whatever. I can't wait to see how intricate and beautiful tech is in the future. And you get there and they go, we got rectangles. What else you got?

We got bigger rectangles. Yeah, it's on the wall. On the wall. And you're like, oh. Do they got like cool buttons? No, none of them have buttons anymore. What about haptic feedback? anything like that No, literally everything in the future is a flat rectangle with if you're lucky one or two buttons Any or no, they're going for no button. They're going for no buttons 100%

they want to get us there and it's just sad so my problem is a The future the rectangle future I guess cuz that's all we got. Cars are gonna be just rooms with rectangles soon. This minimalism shit is getting to a point where I don't think people like it I don't know why the companies keep like every time Mac comes out They go look how fucking thin this laptop is. It's so fucking thin.

It's the thinnest rectangle we've ever made. You've never seen a rectangle this thin. And then I look at like- This is a good stand up. Are you sure? Is this a stand up bit that you're doing? If it is. You didn't say, I used to say this joke.

I used to do this bit of the stand up. No, no. Like you used to get a laptop and you like felt like you bought something. It was like a big chunky thing. Yeah, that big chunky thing with like buttons and like fucking ports. And the screen would be like way far in from the sides. Yeah! But whatever!

At least you're like, okay, I clearly invested in something. And then you get a fucking MacBook and you're like, this is nothing. There's nothing here. Oh, but look! It's got a rectangle up here and a rectangle down there. And you can press this thing, so you don't got to press the buttons anymore. And you're like, oh, cool.

My dad's got a cell phone case that turns a normal iPhone into the size of a 1980s briefcase. Good. That's awesome. I want that. I don't understand. Why is there not a split? Why is there not an option?

I understand there's a bunch of you like, you know, gay boys out there who just go, oh, I want the little rectangle that fits in my pocket. But why is there not the chunky boy layer of tech? Why is there no company that goes, here's a cell phone, it's got a fucking bottle opener built into it? Is there not? No!

Seems like there would be like a kind of phone you could plug an iPhone into if you wanted to pretend to be a steam pump There yeah, there should be a tech company that goes. Here's a big one. It's got all this stuff It's still got a headphone jack stuff. It's like Zack Morris is cell phone Here's a laptop green that look it's really heavy and it's got a bunch of shit And if you drop it, it probably won't explode immediately Yeah, you don't have to worry about it accidentally falling on the ground

It's shattering into a million paces because it's built out of break though the little rectangles that they have I've seen Computer a couple times like ah, you know now I don't even care if I drop it I just and the worst part is that Why okay? Screens I get it your TV can be a rectangle sure yeah I'll even accept sure the phone could be like a fucking rectangle okay but then I got like a Nintendo switch or whatever it's like another fucking rectangle you got interacting with it what do you want I go to get like a speaker you know like

those detachable speakers like another fucking rectangle I'm like can you guys is there any other shape that you can use I know making a box is easy Yeah, I got speakers for my computer rectangle. I got fucking my mouse Why is my mouse not a rectangle at this point the fact that the mouse even has a curve to it anymore It should be a rectangle. It should be a little more fun. I think a little rectangle that you have I think at one point Apple did try to make a rectangle The track pad that's better. I think why does it all have to be? What happened to shapes why isn't it a square? Why isn't it a circle? Why is it not a circle triangle?

Where's the triangle triangle stuff that I would like more triangles? triangle phone Actually the trash TV on a triangle I had to tell you this with the triangle phone was I think use the triangle phone. Actually the triangle phone. Watch TV on a triangle. I hate to tell you this, but the triangle phone was I think from The Office. I think they called it The Pyramid. And you're like, it's got three sides. But I liked it and I want the pyramid. I would use the pyramid.

I want a phone that's shaped like a banana. So if I'm using it with one hand, I can do it normally without having to go, ugh, or pull the screen down. I would be okay if at least there was some stuff on the side, did you ever look, there was a period of time when they were designing phones that were different phones for different functions. I think it was Sony made one that had different, like you could slot it into a camera.

The camera looked like a camera, so you could take the phone, slot it into a thing with a big fucking lens on the end and like a big button up here and a shutter Or whatever it was like modular tech and now it's just a fucking rectangle What's the circles on the back of it to take pictures with I want to be able to put my phone into my car and have The car have more power or something. Yeah, you know should be able to link up your devices Yeah, and they're more powerful and I guess maybe it's just, you know, there's so many different manufacturers making stuff so they need everything to be compatible. So everything's got to be a rectangle so it all fits together in your perfect

little rectangle life. Well, maybe probably not. Probably just, I don't know. It's convenient, you know, looking at a rectangle. Look, I understand it's convenient. I understand some things. Because we see in a rectangle. I want buttons back on my phone. Just a few buttons. Not a lot of them. Get an old phone. They're not as powerful. Yeah, and they're all slow now.

And then again, I go, yeah, cause I look at my computer and I go, I want a big chunky fucking sci-fi 80's computer. I want to put giant, again, like a USB stick, a little fucking rectangle to put my data on. What happened to having giant fucking disks and... I got this dial to try to do like the volume on the computer. Right. Because I thought it would be more fun to have like a dial. Yeah, I think I bought something like that.

But it never, it didn't work. You need something like that. This is kind of like that. This, it's got buttons. It's got buttons! But, but, but there's little rectangles. There's little rectangle buttons, but... I don't like that and you need something like that. This is kind of like that this it's got buttons It's got a lot, but there's little rectangles They're little rectangle button like that the steam deck does at least have buttons on it And that's why it's fun people like pressing about that old speed dial menu kind of feel to it I just with that little flip film that you had to pull up and then write and then put it back in It is just weird that I have all of these devices that when I look at them, they're just scaled up or scaled down versions of the same thing. My TV is my phone, is my video game system, is my tablet.

And I go, can't any of them be slightly different in any way? Well, they try to do that with Google Glass, but it always turns out to be gay or retarded. That's true. That's been a problem. Oculus Rift's tried to do that like with Google glass, but it always turns out to be gay or retarded. That's true Oculus riffs tried to do it, but I finally got an oculus. I gotta see if it actually works You got an oculus. I bought a used one and I didn't plug it in I Was on that whatnot app and a guy's like oculus 50 bucks. I don't know if it works. I said yeah fuck it Let's do it so that app is just like people selling shit back and forth to oh, yeah, it's horrifying That's horrifying. That's cool.

I did $1,200 in sales last night. How much did you make? I don't know. Probably lost money actually. How many people on Whatnot do you think are tracking their ROI? I don't know, I don't think they are. I am tracking my ROI. I have spreadsheets of my purchases to be like, alright that was good, that was'm a, I don't update it as often as I should though. What about this?

This could be your phone. That could be my phone. I'm going to sell the face rock on whatnot. That's going to be a big seller. We have to do that. If we can convince at least 10 women to go to, to just lie in bed with a rock on their face, man, it's gotta be one of these gifts that men can get for their, well, I don't think you can give it to a woman though, because it's real what, you're getting me a, yeah, it's for real. It's not a joke. It's for real. It works.

We're getting women to buy it. What if it does work though? It does. What if a placebo type effect, or just the fact, maybe putting a rock on your face, is the solution. Look, it's flattening out the wrinkles. It's flattening out the wrinkles.

It's a wide flat stone. It's a pond stone. Not only is it applying pressure to the forehead area, It's pulling out the ions. but it also has negatively charged ions that pull out the impurities in the skin. Yes. Face rock. It pulls out the minerals.

From, what's the name of our health company from lifestyle enterprises? Young you young you yeah young me I young Yeah, refresh P NOS or P NOS P NOS industries But it has to be P N a SS we got to do this We're gonna look into making the face rock. We can't make it in China now. We gotta make it in America. I'm pretty sure we can make rocks in America. I think we have to take rocks off the ground and fuse them with special properties.

I have exactly the rocks that I want in the front yard. I'll just polish them down. No no no, I have the good, I have the flat ones. The perfectly flat rocks? The good rocks? The flat rocks? Yeah. Yeah, let's do it. There's the people that flipped my house to me made like a desertscape Right in the front yard, and they put these stupid like washed

pond rocks out there Well, I saw your I know you're fixing up the deck. I don't want to talk about it Well, maybe it'll encourage you get that their front porch is a sad place to be, man. Well, it has to be until they're done here. Yeah, I know. I'm saying after they're done with that, hopefully you put some grass in there or something. Yeah, yeah.

I gotta replace all the siding in the front too. Oh man, homeowner ship, huh? You should buy a house, you'll love it. Not at this point, I'm waiting for you to crash the market a little more. All right flat Rectangular horrifying rectangle future or whatever the hell Rectangle too many rectangles rectangles all right

I can't wait to get home and play on one of my many rectangle too many rectangles Men with circular monitor that would be cool. No one makes that It would be cool. Circular computer monitor? Yeah. We should make one. Could be useful. Fun.

What were your problems? Finding an employee to unlock the bathroom. That was a weird one. Too many rectangles. Hey, sometimes you gotta use the bathroom. Not washing your hair. Not washing your hair. Guys, vote on another problem.

It's the biggest problem of the show. Don't forget, new bonus episode, biggest problem. And Jesus Christ, enjoy it on your Easter weekend. Now available at patreon.com slash biggest problem. And don't forget, Hackamania, we will be there this coming May 9th. Use promo code BIGGEST to save yourself some money. And it gets us money. It gets us money.

If you already bought tickets, cancel your email Patrick Melton. Email Patrick and say, hey, I forgot to use promo code BIGGEST. Even email if you like make up names, like I accidentally used Carl's code. Right, if you use like promo code the creep off or something, email him and say,

hey, I've made a horrible mistake. Yeah, my name starts with an animal Why I mean what my name what name I used? So I can change it to the big Please yeah, can we please start the promo code wars email them and specifically say I'd want to change my promo code Oh in Carl's discord and ask Carl's been fucking around lately, and I don't think he deserves to have my you know I want to give it to the biggest problem guys Yeah, they're way better. You got to have an order number. Just like you order it through us and then

Make up take the order that's sequentially lower than you see we have a range of what order numbers They're right. I'm ordered this change my promo code to biggest right and then there will be no because Melton get that and say like oh, that's an order number yeah sure of course I must he has an order number why would I not and you'd never know if it's your order say I accidentally signed up with Carl's promo code I don't know how it happened I'm order number like 1055 yeah can you please change it to biggest that would be much better Vito you absolutely need to open for Josh Denny or somebody like that as Hitler. Just completely in uniform with a little mustache.

Hailing all that shit. Love the show, boys. I told Josh Denny I wanted to open for him at Santa Claus and he didn't think it was a good idea. That's stupid. I think doing stand-up at Santa Claus would be great. Well, what kind of jokes do you have? Talking about how I give a why I don't go to brown countries. Race stuff. I go, I love all the children of the world, except the Muslims.

They don't get shit. That's horrible. He's giving presents to Muslims. They worship the wrong god. Yeah, but it's like. That's funny. It's funny that Santa Claus is a magnanimous individual who gives presents all the children of the world and he just Chose all the ones who worship the wrong God and said I'm not giving those brown fuckers anything. That's not that's not funny at all

That joke is the truth. How can you tell Josh Denning that? How can you watch like a Christmas special? It's like Santa Claus what a loving individual and you go hey how come you don't give presents to Muslims? Like what would be his explanation? Well they worship the wrong God those fuckers. He's not a beloved figure at that point. He's clearly got racial bias, he's got some sort of bias. He only likes if you like Christ. This is like a family guy spec script like a bad one.

I'm saying if you really get down to Santa like the core of what he is He's an interesting figure Yeah, but it's just like he has he has slaves He doesn't like brown people and he's just up there with a woman He trapped hundreds of years ago, and she can't divorce him because then his Santa magic will leave her and she'll instantly die. He's the only thing keeping her alive. She shackled him for life. This is a terrible bit. This is a terrible idea. If you divorce Santa, you no longer have the Santa power and you just wither away and die. So he has her held hostage in the North Pole for eternity.

It's terrible. It's stop. Oh, when I walk in and I'd have a bag of presents, right? You know? And that would be my shtick, cause I'd go Anytime I don't get a laugh I'd go Alright you fuckers, who wants- and then I'd throw some presents to the audience to get the crowd back Yeah That one didn't go over too good How about chocolate bars? Chocolate bars!

Where to find a big and tall store? Hey, thanks for calling me from the bottom of the ocean, buddy. That would be good if I go, what would Santa's classic catchphrase be? I don't even know anymore Santa. It's terrible. classic catchphrase is B. Hey guys, it's Johnny from Miami. You know, that whole speed thing is pretty funny, but I think you guys are overlooking what could possibly be even much funnier. Is if speed actually goes to other countries, goes to Russia, does the propaganda, whatever, gets on that train where everyone gets fucked up, blah blah blah. But then he starts going to more and more increasingly dangerous places until he gets to North Korea or like...

North Korea would love him! ...the fuck of African country and absolutely gets put into a... No! ...the kind of vice grip. You're completely... North Korea had fucking what's his name? Dennis Rodman. They treated him like a king. They loved him Yeah, that's true. Yeah, a great take any black guy goes to North Korea that he's there to he's there to do propaganda for them Yeah, they love it. They don't want to put him in a prison Women he's not even there to say America's great because he's a traitor and you would never say that you go North Korea's are fucking off the chain

Y'all got a water park Back flip about the reboot of the naked gun Leslie Nielsen originally started like dramatic roles right in the early 50s, and that's what made him so good in like airplane and the naked gun that he was a dramatic actor not a comedic actor he wouldn't try to ham up it didn't really understand where the punch line should be so he wasn't trying to play

it like a joke he was playing it dead serious and then in the later years, he was playing it dead serious. Uh-huh. And then, so in those later years when he was... I'm gonna kill myself. Now wait a minute. In his later years. Are you just explaining Leslie Nilsson's comedy to us? And the reason why it worked is because... He was a dramatic actor. And that, and when did he start doing that?

Probably earlier in life, I guess. In the 50 50s and what that meant was right and the later on When he was doing these movies, he didn't exactly know where the punchline was comedic actor Kind of like got a little goofy and that's what kind of caused some of his later movies Thank you So that's that's true. Really? When he got goofy.

When he got goofy. It got worse. Yeah, like the Dracula one. Cause he was hamming it up too much. He was hamming it up and was like, ah, this is like same old, same old. Good point. Yeah, you're right.

Okay. You gotta play it totally straight. You made a bunch of stupid points, but then you made a good one. The big gun might still be garbage. Not necessarily a bad idea that Liam Neeson is the actor, so... Just my thoughts. Um...

Yeah, he's gonna be bad, cause he's like... He's like an action actor, which is just the worst kind of acting. Well, he's not necessarily an action actor. He kinda got forced down that route for a second Okay, so taken what he knows the taken what's he known for? Yeah Fuck would you say if I watch all the people and say what is what is this guy known for? Schindler's list. I don't think they would say that I would hope they would say that didn't he almost what did he win an Oscar for? It or something. I think they would say that. I would hope they would say that. Didn't he almost win an Oscar for it or something?

I think they would say Taken. They would probably say Taken, but I would say... That guy that they're looking at, they would say Taken. Not Schindler's List. It is pretty funny to think of Oscar Schindler as now a fight and crime. I like it. Uh... Look, the reason I think Liam Neeson or...

Have you seen... That action guy. They're not writing for Oscar Schindler. Are they? I think that... Look, they had Liam Neeson in suits in this famous scene and you should watch it and he was very funny in that. Also Obi-Wan Kenobi's drunk uncle he was. Oh god, that was terrible. Right? He was a Qui-Gon. That was terrible. Right? He was a Qui-Gon.

Even Oscar Schindler is not right for the police squad. Police Academy, police squad. Yeah. Not police academy. What happened to those movies? He was like really emoting. All right. All right.

I don't know. It's a bunch of stuff here. Are any of them about my broken heart? Okay. I have an episode behind, but I just heard Dick saying that everybody is dead broke. I don't know. It's a bunch of a bunch of stuff here. Or any of them about my broken. Okay. I have an episode behind, but I just heard Dick saying that everybody is dead broke. Yeah. Vito saying that that's retarded. Vito you're fucking retarded. I make a hundred grand

a year. Okay. And I still can't fucking afford my mortgage, all my bills and my groceries. I'm living nearly paycheck to paycheck. And it's not because I'm living outside my means everything so fucking expensive That a hundred grand doesn't buy shit anymore. You're stupid and you're dumb and I hate you. I'm sorry. I don't hate you Say everybody is dead, fucking broke. I think you're spending too much. Everyone is broke. Yeah, you make money making an internet podcast, but not everybody has those opportunities. Yeah, but I make less than you. It doesn't matter. Even somebody like me making what I make does not live like they used to. Everything is... I bought eggs and they were $5 for a fucking dozen!

Five bucks! You're making $189 a year? That's not enough. Can't do it. What are you talking about? That's a lot of money! How are you guys spending this fucking money? Look, I get it if you have a mortgage, sure, but I gotta pay rent too! Eh, not a mortgage though.

I don't get it. Well, they don't want to live in like a box. They want to like have a house. Well, that's your fucking choice, but let's be real. You got a house, congratulations. You gotta pay for it. I live in a box, it don't cost that much. So your philosophy is

you're doing better than me, so fuck you. My philosophy is I don't think everyone is like well, I mean now the Trumps taking everybody's money away Yeah, maybe it is gonna start to get bad. But for the most part, oh Whatever. How will you tell how will you know if something gets bad if it gets bad? How I know if the economy is bad. Yeah Here what's like a let me see. So right now the Cheesy Street Chalupas are I think $7.99? All right, this is from...

Let's go up another dollar. We're truly fucked. Hey, Dick and Vito, thanks for letting us crash your podcast filming. We had a great time. We wanted to send some Polish and Canadian snacks as a thank you. Yay! Hope you enjoy. If you're ever in Poland, give us a shout.

All the best. Jordan and Natalia, PS can confirm Canada is still gay this those two were here And we were all drinking all night And it took like three hours before he let it out that he was a professional letter Bob's letter or something we're like What where the hell was this like an Olympian almost or some shit and it was was Randy here Randy was here I think I said okay, so what do you think that was the guys who showed up at your house? And I said oh, yeah I forgot that guests are gonna be yes the two random people to shut up your house

And you're like what the fuck are you and we both said okay? Have you seen cool running scene goes no everyone always asked that yeah? Yes? How are you a professional? Just watch it and you've never seen cool runnings okay they sent a bunch of candy oh here last time they came they give us treats too so I like these two they can come back anytime let's see oh it's all my favorites I got a knoppers one of my favorites we got some jez keys mega griszeck. How about a Princessa Intense Peanut Butter? Do you know your peanut butter boy? No, I'll take the...

Yeah, kind of. Let's have the Intense Peanut Butter. I'll take a Slocca. This is Lum and Chocolate. I don't know what a lum is. I think it's a plum. I don't know why they took the P off of it. Oh, maybe that is a P and it's under the wrapper.

Okay. It is a Plum and Chocolate. I was like lemon chocolate. All right All right. I got these more get more of our guests should bring us gifts I'm gonna say less more gift giving this is Is it a face rock? It's unarmed. This is good here. These are yours unarmed. Ooh, this is good. Here, these are yours. Okay. It's unarmed forces flip flops.

Be a better human. What the fuck does that mean? I don't know. Made in Columbia. Why does it got America? Made in Columbia. UAF. And they didn't come with anything, so whoever sent this.

We've got it all on UAF. Thank you. Alright. Upper cotton outsole rubber. Are these my new shoes? Oh, yeah. Oh, you got some shoes that you don't have to tie. They get my they get my size, right? Yeah. Thirteen thirteen.

The un unattainable size that you can't find anywhere. It's a lot of people give me shit about that. They didn't send any kind of line when I said you can't get 13 I was like, I wonder if I can get this pass people Wow Nice. All right. Yeah, so I'll wear these for sure These are for better humans. Yeah I don't understand what the marketing is about or these made like to not have unarmed forces forces by combat flip-flop combat flip Is that a real is it is it for veterans or not?

It's just like made by like, Cause I need to know. To keep Vietnam under control or something. Do I have to be a, support the troops? I don't know, but they look nice. I like this little, it's got a little eagle in the insole, very cool. Thank you.

Maybe they're taking it back. All right, that's end of presents today. Wait, that's the end of presents Yeah, all right. It's just fucking up More presents, please. That's what I have to say socks I'm getting my plum That's good What else we got I'm gonna eat these Kuf for two. Thanks for not killing yourself. Thanks Kuf, bro

They got me the mega grisly. Oh great. Hell yeah. Is there anything hidden in here? I don't know the bussy Busy busy busy Little some boys asshole. Let me get at that bussy. That's for you Sweet popcorn, let me get at that bus. Oh, sorry. This one's for you. What is that one fruity bussy fruity bussy I Like the Haribo corporation Fruity bussy they didn't send me the twin snakes though. That's my favorite Haribo snack Probably wasn't funny. It's funny cuz it's metal gear

No, I want that one was that one there's a shit ton of chocolate and shit in there Jadina let me get a giant it seems like they've they've got two of the way oh no hold on these are both different blindness wait which one's better prasad point de kalaku or not does a wire wadi you feel like a nod our-y. You feel like a na-da-r-wad-y. Sometimes you feel like a na-da-r-wad-y. Strategy for five, okay. Everyone get your super chats in and make sure to vote on all the problems at thebiggestproblem.show.

Thank you. Stoo-k for two. When life gives you lemons, you eat them. Johnny Rockett for ten. Band from Indie Poo-poo. The Maniac is now on Fund My Comic. Cheers. Go to Fund My Comic and fund the maniac, spelled with the M-A-N-I-A-K.

Maybe I should email that guy from Indiegogo who's desperate to have me be like, can you guys not ban manly guys? Tell him to go fuck himself. What's his name? I don't know, but I specifically answered back. He's like, hey, we'd love you to do another campaign. I'm like, well, you guys are not very transparent about what's going on in your platform. Are you being more transparent now?

And he's like yeah, maybe You're doing that tip shit, too Dude that tip shit is automatically tip us ten bucks I think they must be running out of money if they're still fucking around trying if they're begging people to do new campaigns like yeah they they sold the idea that independent people can make comics to their investors, and independent people can't make comics. They fuck up.

We're all a bunch of colorful fuck-ups. Kevin Flesher for two. Except for the maniac, available now on fundmycomic.com. Beef air smells so bad after cooking. Damn. Cameron for two, thoughts on whiskey sour stick. Giving me heartburn. I agree with that 100%.

Biggest problem, FSU Starbucks customers Lj Cloborino for five the biggest problem is chewing on something and your teeth cut the inside of your mouth that's pisses me on I hate That black crimson for five you ever bite your tongue while you're sleeping Yeah, I used to wake up and my mouth hurt and I for some reason I was like what the fuck's going on And then I eventually figured out you're biting your tongue Will you sleep you moron? How'd you fix that? I don't know. I think I just sleep at a different angle. Maybe black crimson for five

Thanks for the Easter eggs and thanks for not crucifying yourself Mick milk or for through milk or cream for five Why does frog Tony have a smug? Yolo t-shirt before you veto? Where's the low Yolo shooter veto where we also, reee, also love the show guys, keep it classy. I tried to make a shirt and then I was told the shirt was bad. Yeah. So, that's why we don't have a shirt. It did suck. Stupid. I'm just gonna put one up.

Fuck the shirt, go buy the Veto Plus now available at Kildos Red Industries along with the black Truxme shirt, which people actually have been buying now that it's in black. Yeah, cause it's the only good, it's only good black. All right. Felda Bronson for five. Each pitch from Edo is fluff, a whiff of ambition than puff. No killer inside just bites in the night and a fridge full of half eaten stuff. I do have some pizza I'm going to finish tonight. Beach Hook for five. Even a day early, Mads can find a way to be late and gay. No, it's my car exploding. That's my fault. So, Terjury 5, Madison's show that starts two minutes, hits you with an hour delay.

Now, that's Chuck Dixon. My ass. Nobody wants that, Dixon Veeds. Cameron for two, apparently, tonight at 6 p.m. was a typo. I paid $40 to get an Uber over here for you fuckers. Wings for $2.79, Vito dropped his dogs and must salute Chad King. Felt abortion at five. At T-minus minus five they delay cuz Vito just started his day. No pants, no prep, just sweat and regret.

Now they are both late and gay. A relevant poet tonight. Chad Bronson for two, got nightcore bad boy on. Man, times were better, I love that nightcore. Just, Roiland for two, RIP car, very appropriate. Eagle for two, RIP car. Yeah, that's gonna be pricey. Stratergery for two, Vito is late,

Dick started the show and his PJs. I forgot, we still have memberships. I think they're still active, so you guys have access to the RIP car emoji. I haven't made any emojis in a while, I need to make some new ones. I feel like there's some new stuff. Don't stretch yourself out. Shut up. I haven't made any emojis in a while. I need to make some new ones. I feel like there's some new stuff

Pop quiz for 20 our IP car I'll pay for my uber throbber for five who up throbbing their Robert right now Clarkson bar for 15 Australian here's some worthless dollary do's towards veto Vito's get home fund. RIP car. I think it's going to cost someone to fix it because I already paid to fix it two weeks ago. Weaponized odds is a five. Don't feel bad. I wouldn't let Vito in my truck either. Royce and I spail you for two. Ginger's are the first world anagram of white people. Well, Lucy and Sturm for 10. Last time nine people went to two can dash games to buy a copy of that card game will own veto. Well, that's great It's not enough. We need more orders to own veto guys

Don't forget to can dash games is currently selling a cool card game. You should check out Oh gee lamp for two RIP car Duff fan for five no more excuses. You got to ride the bike now, you know I don't think I could get that bike up this mountain You gotta ride the bike now Vito. I don't think I could get that bike up this mountain Have you ever ridden a bike from the bottom of the mountain up to your fucking place? No, I wouldn't do that Years, that's horrible. I don't like riding bikes. Let's see Jared for five either your head gasket probably blue She didn't top up the oil regularly you F slurr slurr. Here's a pity super chat. Learn how cars work I got an oil change. Whatever. LJ clobbering over to how much for Vito to drink 80s milk on stream.

I don't think that's happening. Second Genesis five. I'm just glad that my best friend Vito is having a good time. So Terdry for five beats. Get that car. Riley drove in Eric July's parking lot. That thing was zooming in and out before the security could use their iPads Oh, you know problem. I should have done. Maybe I'll bring it in next week Have I done it already? What not having a car guy? Oh

Yeah, I used to have a car guy and I didn't understand how good I had it You should have brought that in bring it in next week next week. I'll bring it in understand how good I had it. You should have brought that in. Bring it in next week. Next week I'll bring it in. Chud Bronson for two just kicked away dancing and lost my toenail. It's because my car broke down on the way over here.

I didn't think of it. Beachhook for 10, RIP car. A while back my car blew a coolant hose doing a rule trip. Had to use a two liter of Fago to limp it to an auto zone. God, I hope it's just the hose or something. Tom Tizle for 50. You gotta get a new one. New car? Yeah. It's done. into an auto zone. God, I hope it's just the hose or something. Tom Tissel for 50. New car?

Yeah, it's done. Stop. I love my Honda Element. I haven't loved a car like this ever. My buddy still drives a Honda Element as well. And every time we call each other, I go, how's that element holding up? And he goes, that's pretty good. I go, yeah, yeah, it's a great car. Let me talk about how spacious it is and how how the floors are plastic so you can't get anything fucking stuck down there.

If you want to, you can just rip the doors open and hose the interior down with no problem. Straight to voicemail. That's where that call should go. Element owners, we have. My great regret in life is that I don't have the element with the moon roof. What do you call it?

Moon roof. Yeah, moon roof. Because there's a Well, maybe you could get one now. Maybe. No. Get an Azte? Moon roof. Yeah, moon roof. Cause they, there's a- Well maybe you could get one now. Maybe, no. Get an Aztec or something. No, no, the elements are very hard to get now.

Cause there's a company that sells, you can convert your element into a camper using the moon roof and then you climb through the moon roof and there's a sleeping area up there. And I could drive it to Vegas, I wouldn't even have to get a hotel. Anyway. It has a tent on the roof?

Yeah, it's basically a little compartment for sleeping on top of your element. Yeah? Just the bolts on top. I'm like, oh man, that'd be so cool if I was in my element. I said, hold on, I just want to take a little nap and I can just climb through the moon roof. With a tent on the moon roof.

Or the sunbed. He's just parking in like a Walmart parking lot. Come on, Vito. I've slept in my car in Vegas. I parked outside my buddy's hotel room. I believe you. I sleep in the car and then I use the shower in the morning. And then I gotta pay for a fucking hotel room. Ugh.

I like sleeping in the Element. It's very comfy sleeping in there. The air mattress fits perfectly in the back of that thing. It's just like... And I got little... I got little curtains, you know, that I can... with suction cups that I could put up so the Sun doesn't come in in the morning And I'm lying there in the bag of the element going this is the American dream Just feels yeah, I got all my blankets and my pillows, and I'm comfy back there I'd live in that car man. I believe you only reason I don't is that I'm like I can't have the cats live in the car They need a house the house is for the cats.

Let's see. Tom Sizzle for 50. Audio went out. There it's back now. RIP car. Usually can't watch live. Here's some dollars. Give us the booty.

Thank you, Tom Sizzle. Oh yeah. Okay. You got it. For saving my car. Camer for two. This is the greatest bit ever. We want more.

Fell to Barsher for five. Has another fucking dumb, do I gotta read all these poems? Vito, the lady of swines, it's coming for the 90th time. His comics are ghost, he's mostly just toast and shamefully still in his prime. I'm in my prime, I don't think that's true. Baldr for two, generic hate for Vito, thank you Baldr.

Beach Hook for two, you fago aunties nuts, well got him. TBF for two, Vito videos favorite Pokemon is stink at you Fantastic lemon trashy for two says I said it was episode 131 that's how Sodes ago, but I I knew it was terrible. That's a year 50 on 31 All right, I don't know why I wrote down, I copied and pasted. I don't know how I got that. Well, it was definitely not episode 31, Jesus. Back to Maniac on Fund My Comic, Maniac spelled with a K. K-gon posted for five, I'm just glad my best friend Dick's

having a good time. Dean Shock for two, RIP car veto RIP car. Thanks for the laughs, boys. K-gon posted for five, the dude crying to the other dude is a total British cigarette. Johnny Rocker five, I-Dubbs took his wife's last name, was raised by a single mom. Yeah, he is a- Was he? Who was he raised by?

He's not a masculine figure, I have to say. He was raised by two trans men. You know what's weird is I think that guys who are raised by single mothers, they enter this edgy period of rebellious, like, yeah, now I'm on the edge. Now I'm the man. Now I'm the man. Now I'm the man. I should go fuck my mom. But then at the end of it, they end up just regressing back

into weepy bitches. You see it in a IW, you see it in null, you know, or they're like, ooh, I'm on the edge, I'm making all this stuff or whatever. And then you're like, no, you're just like a pathetic dork. It's really pathetic, man, crying about your, people making fun of your wife. Yeah, especially when your wife is a very blatant

public figure who argues with people on Twitter all the time. And who's like a cra- yeah. It's even funnier thinking that I contributed that because she was- his wife was like all butthurt about me calling her fat. Yeah. And now I think she probably bitched to him and he was like well I don't know what to do about it. Oh yeah, I forgot you were part of it. You did call her fat. Yeah. And that was kind of viral viral right? Yeah, I heard him Yeah, you made him cry. I feel really great. Wow That's awesome. No way you were his dad. It's giving him a little tough love. Hey, uh son your wife's Sam can do that I don't Sam could do that do that or be that well

I'll tell you this right now from surgery for two 43% of statistics and this is interesting dick Chuck Dix in my ass Oh burned Chris Cola professional editor to stars for 20 big dollars on the board congratulations on 20k we have hit 20k and I figured out I am retarded because remember I've been complaining about how that website doesn't rank our show yeah they're top whatever shows. Yeah. I realized we're ranked on Saturday for some reason. They just stagger it by a day. Well, probably Eastern time.

Probably Eastern time, yeah. So I was like, what the fuck, we should be in the top hundred! And then I check and it's like, you have been in the top hundred every Saturday for the past year. And I'm like, oh gosh damn it, that would have been good to know. What place are we? We're doing pretty good. You want to take a look? Well, I want you to just tell me.

It depends on the episode. It depends on the number of Super Chats. No way to know then. I think last one was like 70. We were in like 73 out of 100. It is interesting that the most super chatted channels, in America, let's be clear, we're not in the top hundred in Asia or whatever

You know cuz all little anime girls doing whatever but top hundred America you look and it's like a who's who of like shit bags We know and or are fighting with oh Yeah, it's not like oh we should go pick people to fight with yeah We actually should go to play board. Oh, what is it called play board? Co play board, all right. But I look and it's like, you know, it'll be like Carl's on there and like, Rikade is on there.

Here, I'll get us to it. Daily. Let's do most super chatty daily. And we're gonna go, let's go to last week. So it would be Saturday. Saturday. And we should see, this is America. Let's see if we're on here and we can go up from us I think we were in the 70s last week. Oh

There we are number 86 Chrissy Mare beat us by one. Look at that. Do you see that black guy threatened to kill her? I did I think I've seen that but that guy has like a hundred and fifty thousand followers. What a piece of shit He was mad that Chrissy Mare has that one video or she's like getting on a plane She goes there's two white pilots and she goes back to her. She's like Little job why he was mad. That's why you because someone joked Comedian was mad at the yeah Yeah, who do we let's see lol cow Queens beat us guys. Come on. You got a super chat more We can't be getting beat by lol cow Queens. That's embarrassing

Pick a fight with who's Jay Dyer. I feel like I or nah Let's see. It's funny that some of the guys though. I'm like are in like the top fucking ten that we know like Go straight to the top. I'm going well. I want to see Vegas Matt. I love Vegas Matt though. Who's that Curtis King? We're gonna kick his ass Lol cow rewind I don't know if I with Vegas Matt though. I like jelly bean Lol cow there's doom cock Usually like Tim pools on here. I guess a lot of these guys don't have Saturday shows You have to go to the Friday on the Friday alright That's enough of this look there's nerd. There's nerd Rod-rotic. We gotta beat these, we're doing good though.

Who cares about that? Read these. I just, I like the idea that our show is like actually weirdly relevant. People don't understand that we're in like the top hundred shows every Friday. Great, good job. Fantastic, you guys have made the magic happen.

And the more money you donate, the more our ranking goes up. So just think about that. The more our esteem rises. Think about how important that is to donate, the more our ranking goes up. So just think about that. The more our esteem rises. Think about how important that is to you, the viewer. And not just to Vito's broken-ass car fund. Let's see, Terminally Chill for five. Do not redeem! Do not redeem!

Diamond G for two. Vito crushing on the 17-year-old black boy murderer. I know. That was fucking weird. He's got like a Miles Morales kind of feel to him. He's like a Spider-Man. That's making it even weirder, because you said you wanted to fuck that.

Yeah, I wanna fuck the girl from Spider-Man, not Spider-Man. But you said when she was trans, you wanted to fuck her. When you thought she was trans. I'm saying that if Gwen had a tiny little tranny penis, I'd be like, all right, let's have a party. When Miles is drawn in his little notebook, all those like pictures of him. had a tiny little tranny penis I'd be like alright let's have a party when miles is drawn in his little notebook all those like and your king pictures of

him no I'm not I'm just saying if she got a vagina it's fine she got a penis it's fine yeah yeah yeah the primal one for two Vito come out of the closet my boy it's okay they should they should lock up arcade machine from Vito. What the hell does that mean? I don't know but I agree. I want to jerk men off for three. Thanks. Pop quiz for two. Everybody poops. Everybody poops. Blake Burns for two. I never have related to anything less. Bad Vito. Everyone knows what I'm talking about.

Yeah Vito. Hair oil. What do you think sepum is? Right, but I'm saying I'm trying to wash my hair every day so I don't have that shit. I come buckets for five. Dick two months ago. My problem, but I'm saying I'm trying to wash my hair every day so I don't have that shit. I come buckets for five. Dick, two months ago, my problem is having long hair because it's hard to wash. Dick today, my problem is washing long hair. Great content, boys. It is great content. White two for ten.

Hey, Dick, what do you think of the new crypto regulations and stablecoin legislations going through the House and Senate? I haven't looked at it. Strategy for five. Water, no soggy face. Mud mask, close. But too much water. Face rock. yes, get a rock hard face. Like Sandra Bullock.

You know what, face rock is appealing because it's not like a goo, you know, that cream you gotta put on. It's easy, it's clean. The best part of face rock is it comes right off. All gas, no breakfast, five. I made a instructional video, how to remove your face rock. She's just lying in bed and she goes... Put it back in the container.

Put it back in the face rock. To recharge the ions. Can we please have a rechargeable box that like is infusing you with power. All gas no breakfast for 5. Motorola had attachable devices on phones. It had one that was cool. But the phones died after two years and the devices I'd spent a hundred on were... Yeah! They were so cool looking though. Pigeon for 10. if Carl and Vinny have creepos. Can we be the biggers the biggers?

It's not bad. You gotta be veto files or dickheads. Yeah, but I'm saying the collective sphere of bigger bigger nation Oh, yeah. Yeah, I don't know about that one. We gotta get those biggers. They're killing it. They're killing it I can already see that where it's gone wrong. What's up, mom? It's too obvious. Kufir5, Jake, will Sean be at the Boston show on June 21? You gotta make him come to your last road rage before you come eat a daddy.

I don't know. Sean's working. LJClockringo for five, do the new naked gun intro where the squad car drives past the Mexican border playing the song Siren. The naked gun song. Not for five dollars. The police squad sign. Me 4120 for five. Vito Santa Claus lore has me very concerned about writing quality of a certain super killer comic. Don't worry he only kills Santa Claus in the extended webcomic universe.

Is there a bunch of commentary about race? Like meta commentary? It's not meta, it's a part of Santa! He doesn't give presents to brown children. Uh, Santa is a mythological character, so any commentary on the specifics of him is necessarily meta. Because he's an ideologue of like our culture. You can't talk about Santa without talking about Muslims.

No, that's meta shit. That's why it's so painful. It's just like meta, meta, meta, meta. When you watch that Coca Cola commercial and he's smiling, he's handing out Cokes, you ever see a guy in a turban getting a Coke from Santa? No. By design.

It's just filling me with like rage. Why? Meta commentary? How is it meta? It's a legitimate part of it. Where does Gumby go to the bathroom? And how does Pokey even talk? I'm interested in this. Meta shit. Santa's interesting.

But it's like just... Your experience of Santa Claus that you've created in your head. Yeah. Yeah. It's interesting. But it's like just your experience of Santa Claus that you've created in your head. Yeah. Yeah. It's interesting to you. I started writing a Christmas movie. You want in on that? The problem is that it's about Santa's daughter.

Uh huh. Well, I started writing it about as Santa's son, but then I realized it was funnier as Santa's daughter. But if it's Santa's daughter, I can't call it son of a Claus or whatever. Oh, the stupid Vitos project. Son and Claus. The Stinger's not working. But the daughter's funnier. Son of Claus, that's what you're saying? Daughter of the Claus or something. Son of the Claus? It's about Santa has a rebellious rock and roll loving daughter who steals the Santa sleigh to go to New York to see a heavy metal show and she crashes the sleigh and if we don't fix the sleigh with Christmas magic and time for Christmas, Christmas is cancelled. You can't have the sleigh.

Well then she meets a young man who... Yeah we know movies. That's it. I mean that's the whole movie. It's just like trash. I think I pitched to Randy. I pitched to Randy and he's like, So you're just writing Elf? And I'm like, well, it's Elf with a girl. Yeah. Everyone likes Elf.

But they don't like you writing Elf. No, this is good. I got some great ideas. Actually, I pitched the whole thing to Tony and Tony liked it. And Tony hacks movies professionally. Why would Tony waste his time listening to your movie pitch? Tony likes my movie pitch. Tony enjoyed Daughter-in-Clause. It's like an addiction. Daughter-in-Clause, does that work?

You can't listen to people pitch you shit. It's such a waste of your time. Probably she's not in in-laws. It doesn't work. You would have to be someone marrying into the San-Ned family. Daughter-in-Clause, that's a good pitch too. It's a great, it's a great it's a great I got a good framework there Flautier-Dachy for five am I allowed to put a hole in the bottom of the Vito Plush film my love do whatever feels right baby

Kildos are not industries only half of them are left 15 are left Mark Moon for two. Dick, can you please give Vito a ride home? Not for two bucks now. Not for two bucks, guys. You gotta pay for that. Max tax for five. I bet Vito doesn't use hair conditioner thinking he's saving money. I mean, what's there to condition? I don't have a lot of hair. I don't know. I think you use a lot of conditioner. I used to get conditioner. I'm like, I don't need my hair to be, you know, silky smooth. I don't know.

You need some kind of medical shampoo for your sepum. Yeah, exactly. All the way at the top. Let's see. I need a face rock is what I need. And Pizarra Gaming Guides are too. Love Richard, hate the pig. Thank you.

Here we go. Oh! What's the game with special toys? Uhh, here we go. OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ You're not even hearing about your fucking shoes. She learns that even this like, you know, hardcore Satanist rocker, even he loves Christmas. You could ask Chad GPT to come up with a bunch of Christmas movies, and it would come up with all this shit. But there's like an elf who's been forced out of the- and he's like the villain, is this elf who's been- Identical to AI. Forced out of the North Pole. Okay, so we've got this giant

Scale for this garbage, let's do it you're getting on the scale for this okay? I'm gonna feel it with every heartbeat You've gotta be fucking kidding me Why do you even take ozimpic? I don't know Are you still? Yeah Why? Eh Why take ozimpic?

It's fun You're just, you're injecting yourself with a, with a unknown chemical that causes problems and you're not losing any weight. I, it goes up and down. No, it doesn't move at all. What was it last week? Last week you were 286.8. And what am I this week?

286.5. That's down to me. It's just, why take the Ozempic? Why take Ozempic? It's fun to inject yourself with drugs and see what happens. So you can tell people that you're on Ozempic? I came down a little bit. No you didn't.

It was working for a second. Look. You're out eating the Ozempic. I am. Last night, yesterday I binged. I was like, I don't care. I'm eating like a moron. I ate a pizza yesterday. I ate a Rippaverse tape. Is this an official Rippaverse merch?

What could be in it? What could be inside? It's fragile. It's too light to be a young ISOM statue. I'll tell you that right now. I got a knife. Everybody should have a knife on their keychain. Or, go to PVK.com and get yourself a delightful, uh, blade accessory from our good friends at PVK.

So, let's just stop taking the Ozimpic. No! I have a system, okay? Yeah, it's eat. Whenever you're hungry or not hungry. Yeah, pretty much. I really like food. I really like food. I really like it. Then why take the Ozipick?

Oh, this is horrible. Oh no. Oh no. It's a blood-ruth Alright, no, but this is good because we can compare now. Alright, look at this. This is dog shit. This sucks. That sucks. This sucks.

Bro, it's not even... It's identical to yours. This looks like a dominat- If you had a girl come over and you said, here's my bondage doll plush toy, she'd be like, I'm leaving. That's literally like a BDSM fucking doll.

Why is her- Is this her crotch? Yeah, dude, that looks like a BDSM fucking doll. Why is her, is this her crotch? Yeah dude, that looks like a fucking, if you wanna put a fleshlight in anything, it's blood wreath, what the fuck? So her hips are sticking out? That looks- But she has like jocky, little jocky pants. Bro, I'm gonna say this,

if a girl comes over and you got the Vito plush on your shelf, she's gonna go, oh that's just a fun goofy guy. If you have that on your shelf, she's gonna go, what is this horrific pervert who bought some sort of Japanese sex doll to I assume come on Okay, so she's got a weird collar. Yeah, and then it's also over designed dog shit, man. It's covered in Needles, it's got little two C's for boobs because they couldn't put her actual boobs So they but they outlined the...

I can't tell if this is her thighs showing or her hips, because her pants seem to go below the waist. Bro, I would be so uncomfortable. I have horrifying things in my apartment that I don't want women to see. And she's got like satyrs. If I had this in my apartment and a girl came over, I would absolutely be like,

well, I can't leak that out. Well, ripatards aren't worried about that. She's got like goat legs, like a satyr.. Well that's the other thing I'm gonna say is let's be clear the veto blush is clearly designed to sit comfortably in any position because it's in a seated position. So these are two things for demented perverts but this one is worse. That one's absolutely worse. Let me see it. Dude, the legs are little tiny goat and how? You can't even stand it up, look, falls over, unlike the superior veto plush toy.

And the hat looks like shit. Well, dude, it looks like a doll of a homeless prostitute, OK? Hey, my name's a homeless trans transactional prostitute named Deshawn Dude it has a butt crack look her pants are falling down and there's a How did you design butt crack door her pants halfway down her groin? Bro, when you got the proof back and there was her ass hanging down and her ass crack hanging out... Move your finger, just put the butt up.

Look at that. That is weird. That's weird. You should have said this doesn't... Why are her arms out like this too? Her pants are on like glue. Why is she going like that? Like the Despicable Me guy. her pants are like tiny like that guys all I'm gonna say is

The comparison the choice is clear the lightful delightful little for all my any of this shit horrible Made in China made in China Polyester fiber and guys it has to say, not for kids. So this is not a zero to three age range. This is horrifying. She looks like a cowboy prostitute. With a butt crack.

Why did you put a butt crack on it? Why would anyone make these fucking plushies to sell to adult men? Why does she have butt pockets? Is that part of the character that's? Ass pockets. She's got pockets up her ass. She also has ass pockets for some reason. That's over designed trash guys. Nice afro on her though.

Alright, well guys don't forget vote on all the problems at biggestproblem.show. Check out our new bonus episode at patreon.com slash biggest problem. Join us at Hackamania this May 9th. Use promo code BIGGEST to get I I believe, 20% off your tickets. And... Chris Axe says do a puppet show. Do a puppet show? Are you gonna be both?

I'm looking for my... I'm looking for my wyffrin! I'm looking for my wyffrin! I got a big lizard over here, lady. Why don't you come over and investigate, pouch. Ooh, daddy. Ooh, hey, daddy Vito. What's your name? You can call me daddy Vito. Why don't you come over and investigate? Oh no. Oh no. Oh daddy. Oh hey daddy Vito.

What's your name? You can call me daddy Vito. You can call me daddy Vito. Oh daddy Vito. I like that. You're selling my delightful toy. You want to help me find my lizard? My big lizard daddy Vito?

Wow. Wow. That's what they said on Star Wars. What the fuck. Come on. I'm glad to know your impression of me is so loving. Wow! That's what they said on Star Wars! What the fuck? Get out! I'm glad to know your impression of me is so loving. We can go back to my apartment.

There's only room in there for us to get nice and close. You can help me organize my magic cards. We'll have a great night. Now show me some of that sugar. I gotta be back! Before Eric knows I'm gone! He can spot it! Let me use my period power! God, this dog shit.

Also, why is he shipping in a box? Eric, you're spending too much on shipping. Put it in a bag. Polyester. Polyester bag. You're gonna save your fortune. You're having so much F-U-N. How do you have a whole warehouse?

Everyone knows you ship a plush toy, you put it in a bag. Put it in a bag. Dumb. I put mine in a bag, saved myself five bucks a package. Alright, reverse. Goodbye. Doesn't know anything about shipping. This really is worse than I thought.