The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 20 - Anti-Israeli Asset Forfeiture Boycotts

Episode Date: December 13, 2021

The "White Supremacy" Scapegoat, Civil Forfeiture, Unwarranted Self-Importance, Anti Anti-Israel Boycotts

Nothing better than a podcast that goes, all right, here we go. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.

See, there it, now I see it. Now I see it. I'm going to have to edit that. I do you? Yeah, maybe. Does that count as banter? Does that count as banter, Julie? All righty.

That's confusing. Here we go. Yeah. Oh, thank Christ. Man, if it didn't work at that time, that would have been awful. Thank fucking God. What's this show we're about to do Oh, thank Christ. Man, if it didn't work at that time, it would have been awful. Thank fucking God. What's this show we're about to do here, Dick?

Biggest Problem in the Universe. Welcome to the Biggest Problem in the Universe. The only show that ranks every problem in the universe from twisted balls to Seth Rogen's gull. I'm your host, Dick Madsen. Joining me as always, Vito Giswaldi. Hi, Dick. Hey, buddy.

How you doing? I'm excited to be here. Do you want to promote any of your channels to start the show off? Everyone's got to go to Vito, too, man. How many? Vito, too. I was talking to Dick before the show that I'm having like a crisis of confidence. I don't know what to do on YouTube anymore.

Vito's discovered that the key to making money on YouTube is to shit out content, right? Yeah, to not care. Not care. Three videos a day, you tweet out, what should I do a video about? And then you shit that shit out. You shit it out right into these shitters' faces. I spent a year being like- You shit it out, then they shit it out to their girlfriends and their coworkers.

Take this shit yeah it's literally I spent like a year being like I'm gonna do these like kinda nice video you know

reviews of movies I'm gonna take time to isolate clips talking about them and then I make you're getting hard just hearing about it yeah and then I make

some stupid YouTube video and it's like the Star Wars hotel looks like shit and immediately I get like 40,000 views and I'm like and it says you're going

looks like shit. And immediately I get like 40,000 views and I'm like And it says you're going Looks like shit. Right? Yeah. Is that what it is? I mean. I would watch that. I always knew that was an option but I didn't realize how immediately lucrative it is. I mean I'm talking to like these 18 year old commentators and they're like I make 10 grand a month just talking

shit about whatever. Hold on. Are we not fucked up? Did you not record it? I started on. Are we not? I'm fucked up. Are we not? I'm fucked up. Did you not record it? I started recording, but you know what? I'm streaming on the wrong channel. Oh, okay. Well. Man, I'm out of it today.

Yeah. Do you want to do it all over from the top? No, no, no. I can edit it. We'll keep the opening. I can edit it. All right. Well, at least we're only, we're not even late yet.

We're not even late yet. We're not even late. What We're not even late yet. We're not even late. What a fucking boner I am. Ah, you've been... I think we're all out of it these days. We're all out of it for Christmas. We're all out of it for Christmas. I hate Christmas.

I saw somebody saying that the people... A lot of people who think they're going to be alive for Christmas are going to be dead. I said, well, that's lucky for me then because I don't plan on being alive for Christmas what the hell kind of tweet is that I saw something there we go yeah that sounds fantastic oh hi everybody who's watching live we didn't it's not like we just did five minutes of the show before realizing we weren't streaming okay we gotta pick up smooth so I can edit it together okay what are we talking about that's YouTube for you. You want to hear who won last week?

Yeah, I do want to hear who won. Because you've been sucking. You've been sucking the big old peenore. Yeah, have I? Oh, sucking it every week you show up. Sometimes two at a time. Yeah. How did I do this time?

Number one from last week. Seth Rogan. Suck my balls, baby. Spelled correctly. Yeah, I noticed that it was up there with the wrong name and I was like, spelled Rogan like Joe Rogan. No. Has an E. Seth Rogan. Seth Rogan is so despised

to take the number one spot. Isn't that crazy? Did you see Santa Inc. at all? I started watching it. Is it a series or is it a movie? It's like eight episodes. Oh, kill me. Yeah, why?

Just kill me. How could you not fit that premise into like an hour and a half? There's no such thing as a Santa show. It's a Christmas movie. Yeah, that's the thing. It's not a Christmas miniseries. If you're riffing on Christmas specials, you make a special. You don't make a show out of the thing It's not a Christmas miniseries If you're riffing on Christmas specials You make a special

You don't make a show out of it It's not the Christmas universe Yeah Right? Right Home Alone, but The extended Christmas universe Extended Christmas universe, yeah

Now I gotta shut this fucking thing off Have you ever seen the clip This is the first time I ever saw this clip Of Home Alone, but Competent Robbers Was from Family Guy No I laughed my ass off Did they kill him right away? Oh yeah, they just show up And they're like The first time I ever saw this clip of Home Alone but Competent Robbers was from Family Guy. No. I laughed my ass off.

Did they kill him right away? Oh, yeah. They just show up and they're like, well, that doorknob was really hot, but I just stopped holding on to it. And they're like, oh, there's a bunch of trucks here. And then Kevin McCallister's at the top of the stairs and he goes, I have a tarantula. And they just immediately shoot him in the head. That's pretty good. Family Guy gets it right sometimes. I watched that movie with my nephews.

And right at the beginning when Joe Pesci smiles and he's got that diamond in his tooth and goes, bing, my littlest nephew goes, is he a bad guy? He's a bad guy. You can pick up on that, huh? Well, Seth Rogen. Judge everyone by their appearance.

Yeah. I took him aside and said, listen, listen. Don't ever let any. Don't ever let anyone tell you not to judge me. I was drunk. Those movies do teach you some things. Testicular torsion, number two.

Oh, really? Surprising. I guess people would rather have their nuts twisted up than deal with Seth Rogen. Makes sense to me. Live action anime. Free trial with credit card. Dead last. Dead last.

Maybe this is a problem only for me and other retarded people in the audience. I'll say this. I mean, maybe I don't win so many, but I think you have the most dead last problems. What the fuck? I think you do. Classic liberal thinking. Finger pain and whatever. That's always at the bottom of the barrel.

I have been rocking Some finger pain For months For months Because I always pick stuff up You know And you brace it With your pinky

Yeah And I guess I I'd lifted one too many computers Laptops With my pinky And now it's just fucked It's fucked I've had to go

Now I have to act like I only have four fingers Like a Simpsons It's horrible When I lift stuff up It's horrible Vote up finger pain Vote up finger pain. Vote up finger pain.

I'm typing with my wiener. It says, who else can't stop futzling around with their balls since the last episode? Thanks a lot, Dick. See, I told you. The problem is you bringing it up and now everybody's all worried about their balls. You put this fear in people. It'll just go away if I stop talking about it, right? It's like the nuclear scare, the red scare, you know?

You just get everybody all riled up. Those are different things. I know. Revy, on the topic of Seth Rogen, all you need to know is that his movie This Is The End is more autobiographical than you think. I didn't see that movie. It sucks.

I've seen it. What is it? It's just like an L.A. party goes wrong? Yeah, the Armageddon happens at a L.A. party. Danny McBride is funny, but, you know. Danny McBride is great. Sucks. An unsung hero.

Kyle Free says, if testicular torsion is the biggest problem, then I have a biggest solution. Life alert, but for your balls. When the torsion hits and you're crippled with pain, just hit the button and help will be on the way. That's a good idea. Well, the stat that got me was 60% of people lose their balls if they don't address it within 12 hours.

Look, I'm not saying it's not a problem. Do you vote on the problems? Yeah, I always downvote yours and I upvote mine. What? It's a contest. I vote genuinely. Okay. You just vote down party lines. That's your strategy.

Classic what's wrong with America. Classic party lines. Go vote up democracy. Veto files, you're welcome to do the same. Dark in the Day says, you know, the more I thought about it, the bigger problem testicular torsion seemed to be. I mean, you guys didn't even bring up how many people. Did you just bring in a bunch of comments about how great your problem is? I took the top ones.

This is cheating. You're trying to get extra points after the fact. Okay, here's one. Biggie Dubs, I'm not a hashtag veto file, but I'm getting closer every episode. Great issues this week. Thank you. Let me see if I've got another one. Dice.

Oh, no, that's another testicle. Guys like talking about testicle torture. They don't like voting on it, though, apparently. Robert Scucci says, don't know if you can still do it, but I bought myself a Visa gift card for 50 bucks. I spent all of it but $1, and I would use that gift card as the credit card

for a free trial. Once the trial is up, they try to charge the card, but the balance is insufficient, and they cancel it before you problem solved. Pretty smart. Not a bad idea.

I just got to go get a gift card now and try to cut razor thin, cut it down to $1. Yeah. And carry this piece of crap around with me forever so I don't get raped. Oh, you can get digital gift cards now. That's how to do it. I'm sure you can.

Okay. What do you want to start us off since you're the big winner? I guess I'm the big winner. My problem, Dick, is anti-anti-Israel boycotts. Say it again slower. Say it again slower so I know if it's anti-Semitic or not. Anti-anti-anti-anti-Israel boycotts. You got another negative in there.

Slow it down. Okay. Okay, so there would be- Wait, wait, wait, wait. Israel boycott. That's the wait wait Israel boycott that's the noun boycott okay that means I fuck you Israel an anti-Israel boycott that means I love you Israel does it well you tell me it's your problem well the boycott is the well I guess I think anti-Israel boycott and Israel boycott mean the same thing am I wrong anti-anti-Israel boycott and Israel boycott mean the same thing. Am I wrong? Anti-anti-Israel boycott means an Israel boycott.

And you're boycotting them. Yeah. Well, then this is the other one. I feel like I'm trying to calculate compound interest over here talking about it. Anti-Israel boycott. Okay, tell me what it is. What it is, Dick, is. Is it Israel?

Are you trying to bring in the Israel? No, I'm not bringing in Israel. All right. As much as I'm sure certain fans of this show would love that. Your fans. Your fans. I like that half the show is trying to not take responsibility for the extremist fans. They're horrible.

Yeah. The fans of this show harassed a man into insanity at one point. Okay, go ahead. Here's the deal, Dick. I'll give you a news story to put it in perspective. Oh, good. New Jersey is pulling $182 million in Unilever stocks

and bonds three months after a preliminary investigation found that its subsidiary Ben and Jerry's engaged in a boycott of Israel-controlled territories. So New Jersey is not buying ice cream from Ben and Jerry's because Ben and Jerry's said we're boycotting Israel? Not only are they not buying ice cream.

Aren't those guys Jewish? They're pulling. Yeah, I'm sure they are, actually. And Jerry? I think one of them must be. Jerry's a very Jewish first name, I think. Jerry? Yeah, you think of that.

It's Jerry Seinfeld. Jerry Seinfeld. What's the other one? Jerry Lewis? He was Jewish, right? I don't know. Am I making assumptions? Yeah.

Anyway, the point is that they were pulling, basically they had $182 million in stock invested in Unilever, the corporation. New Jersey did? New Jersey, right. Why? Why did New Jersey have any stocks? Because pension funds and whatever else. Because we live in a bizarre society.

We live in a casino. We live in a casino. That's why. Yes, we literally do. It was literally their state. Is the Fed buying bonds in Ben and Jerry's? Yes, the state pension fund. Not Ben and Jerry's, but Unilever, the parent company.

Yeah. They make other stuff. A little bit of Ben and Jerry's, but Unilever, the parent company. Yeah, okay. A little bit of Ben and Jerry's. Yeah, a slight part. Okay. In order for you to live as an old man, your government has to invest in ice cream for some reason. Just fucking kill me. Just have a flavor of ice cream that I eat it and instantly die instead of this shit. Please. Instead of this shit. But as we have seen, some of these states, if not most states, a lot of states,

it is illegal for the government to do business with any other business that boycotts Israel. So if you as an independent, let's say you, you know. I fucking hate Israel. Yeah, well, that's a whole other fucking thing. You just have to deal with all this jiggery-pokery all the time. Yeah. And it's super weird. And Israel's making me do it.

That's what I'm coming to realization of like, so who's doing what? You know what? It's Israel's fault. That's who's doing it. Israel. I know they're real good at making things easy to understand like why we have to import millions of immigrants because of reason. So I know they can make this easy for everyone to understand too. But you can't criticize them because then you're not allowed to get a contract with

the government, which is. Is that true? Yeah. You can't boycott Israel and get money from the government. No, you can't. No, I only know about ball-related things. If you're a government contractor, you are not allowed as a private... Your business cannot say, we refuse to do business with Israel.

Then the government can go, well, then we can't do business with you, and we're cutting all your contracts. Yeah, dude. So you're telling me... Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. You're telling me that if every company in America Decided to boycott Israel the government could no longer spend money the government would shut down So I could I could go from company to company and say I boycott Israel Yeah, so then the government could know like I could go to Boeing Raytheon

Well you'd have to get the company to agree to boycott Israel with you. I would do. I would just do it. What do you mean? You would the customer? If I was an email that had to be sent to Israel, I would not do it. I would say, I'm sorry, but I'm boycotting. Yeah. Well, the company themselves, if they announce like, okay, you know, like, yeah, if the American Airlines or whatever said we're cutting all ties with Israel and not doing anything with

Israel. That's a big one. Then they can't get government contracts of any type. Now, it depends on the state, but these laws are everywhere. Oh, the states have their own allegiance to Israel? Yeah, exactly. Oh, let's have another civil war over Israel, please.

But there are federal laws for this as well. Here, I'll try to find it. So these acts where people say we want to boycott Israel, they call them BDS, Boycott Da Something Sanction. Boycott Da... Boycott Da Sanction. Boycott Da Sanctions? I forgot what the D was.

I should have wrote it down. So, these government bills are called anti-BDS bills because they're trying to stop the BDS people. Can't they just have Team Israel and Team Palestine? Why do they have to complicate it? In the government or what? Wherever. Yeah.

So I don't have to learn what BDSM is and anti-BDSM protests. I mean, okay, it's boycott, divestment, and sanctions. Okay. Let's put it this way. This is the most unconstitutional thing in the world. You can't tell a private business owner. It's up there uh it's one of them yeah it's i mean in terms of like things that are clearly anti-constitutional anti-free speech to tell someone you as a business owner can believe whatever you want you go well i don't like israel oh well we can't we as the government are using

our free speech no no no you can't do that They don't have that right, or they shouldn't. Have you seen them say that? Yeah. Like a councilman or somebody say like, well, we have the right. It was like, you guys- No, you don't. That's not- It's not to protect you at all, you fucking pieces of shit.

I'll give you a bill that exists right now. The Combating BDS Act is an anti-BDS bill passed by the Senate and the 116th Congress to counter the BDS movement. This was introduced in January 2019. So a lot of people are boycotting Israel, like Ben and Jerry's ice cream? There's just, yeah, there are a lot of people who boycott Israel for various reasons. There's a lot of humanitarian organizations. I mean, whatever. Even if you disagree with the boycott, can't tell a company you know hey i

think you know you're not allowed to do business with the government because of your stance on israel yeah that's that's anti-free speech uh and the primary sponsor of the bill marco rubio his co-sponsors james reich cory gardner and of course, Mitch McConnell. So the Republicans, not to get too crazy about it, they have these very obvious ties to Israel. The Republicans do. Yeah. And the Democrats as well, on some respect. Not so much, I don't think. Not as much.

The Democrats are aligned with Satan. Yeah, well, our first allegiance is to Satan. Wait, I thought you weren't a Democrat anymore. No, I was going to say. I a Democrat anymore. Didn't I see? I'm nothing anymore. Didn't I see that? I'm done with the right. I'm done with the left.

You're all fucking stupid. It drives me nuts. The Democrats did try to block this act, but it did pass in the Senate with a vote of 77 to 23 with 22 Democrats and Rand Paul saying no. Yeah. Good old Rand Paul. Yeah, good. He's always good for a no.

Rand Paul. Can't get anything out of him other than that, but I'll take it. Sometimes you need a no. And he gives what I think is the obvious reason why you can't have these kind of things. Boycotting or protesting is something so fundamentally American. This is a quote, by the way. I'll probably end the quote by saying, end quote. Boycotting or protesting something is so fundamentally American, fuck you,

so fundamentally associated with the First Amendment that even if we don't like what you are boycotting or what you're saying, in America we allow that to happen because that's freedom of speech, end quote, end of quote. No, that's not what he said. And then the message, and then, and then he said,. That was a different one. He said, end of message. And then his message said, end of message. It doesn't make any sense. Why would he put that? This is a whole Biden speech thing that me and Dick have been arguing about.

Half these people have no idea what we're talking about. I believe that he just read it. Why would he have put it in his prepared statements, end of message? Why a lot of things. Okay. All right. That makes no sense. It's nonsense. Point is that, I mean, I agree with Rand Paul. If what if you're a physician, half your business

is paid for by the government. If you're a nurse, a teacher. So you can't boycott Israel. You're telling these people, well, we've already decided that money is free speech. We've said that. I mean, famously corporations are our people. They have the same free speech rights as people. No, that's not official, is it? That the same free speech rights as no that's not official is it that money is free speech well what do you call it the uh yeah well no no no no because there's campaign campaign limits limits but that's like limit yeah but you can start your own super pack and do whatever the hell you want like they can't you don't need to start a super pack to run your mouth right that's a limit of... I don't think the government supports that idea

that money is speech. What was the Citizens United specifically decided? Because Citizens United was all about whether corporations have the same ability to freely spend their money. Yeah.

They have more. That sort of thing. They have more of an ability. Well, yeah. To spend their money than you and I. We should become corporations. I think Citizens United

agreed that corporations and you as a person who owns a corporation, have the same kind of free speech rights. Yeah. It does get complicated with the campaign donations. Like, I don't have all the stats. Well, it's a violation of the First Amendment. You don't need any stats for that.

You as a business owner have the right to not do business with Israel. Oh, yeah. And the government can't come to you and say, well, then you're not allowed to do business with the greatest corporation in the land, the biggest fucking money- The government. The government, yeah, exactly. Well, then you're not allowed to do business with the greatest fucking contractor that exists.

So do you boycott Israel? Is that what you want to say? No, I don't boycott. I don't give a shit either way. I'm never going to eat Ben and Jerry's again, if that's their attitude toward our- I don't get Ben and Jerry's. 50 first state. Ben and Jerry's. Our 51st state. Our our 51st state, Israel. Ben and Jerry, our 51st state.

Our brothers. Our brothers and our- You mean our first state. Our first state, because it comes first now. Our first state. Yeah. It's the most important one. Our zero state.

Our zero. No, state number one. State number one. Every other state comes behind Israel. We're number one. Israel. So you'd- I want to make it clear that this problem is not-

You want people to boycott Israel. No, no, no, no, no. This is not a- If I want to make it clear That this problem Is not You want people to boycott Israel No no no no no This is not If they want to I want you to have the freedom If this was any other country If this was France Or New Zealand

I don't care Yeah yeah I'd boycott them Boycott whoever you want All countries That's your right But we have It's so bizarre

That these politicians Go we love Like especially the Republicans You think would be like Freedom's the most important thing. Why? Republicans are scumbags. They're fucking liars. Everyone believes because of Trump, everyone thinks that Republicans are like these free speech warriors, but they're total shit.

The Democrats work as hard as possible to give money to corporations, and Republicans work as hard as possible so that we don't get any of that money back. And let's be clear, this bill, this is the most recent one. And again, there are hundreds of these laws, I'm pretty sure, if not, you know, dozens or whatever. This was passed while Trump was in office. Trump didn't step in and go, he loves Israel. He does. But you can love Israel. Not as much as me.

I want to say Trump loves Israel, but not as much as I do. It's just so transparent to be like, we have to protect Israeli businesses. Why? Why that do we have to protect? Because they buy so many military weapons from us. And they fund all of our campaigns to get in here in the first fucking place. Yeah. Well, because we give them the money to buy military weapons.

Yeah. Give them the money to buy military weapons. Yeah. Yeah. There's this amazing PragerU video where they made a whole kinetic typography video explaining why the US giving assloads of money to Israel is actually good because they use it to buy our military weapons. They're saying it with a fucking straight face. I'm like, yeah, that's the entire problem.

You're describing what the problem everyone has with it, but you're saying it like it's a good thing. What the fuck is the matter with you? What the fuck is the matter with you? What's the matter with you? What's the matter with you? What's the matter with you? What's the matter with you?

What's the matter with you? What's the matter with you? What's the matter with you? What's the matter with you? What's the matter with you? What's the matter with you? What's the matter with you? What's the matter with you?

What's the matter with you? What's the matter with you? What's the matter with you? What's the matter with you? What's the matter with you? What's the matter with you? What's the matter with you? What's the matter with you?

What's the matter with you? What's the matter with you? What's the matter with you? What's the matter with you? What's the matter with you? What's the matter with you? What's the matter with you? What's the matter with you?

What's the matter with you? What's the matter with you? What's the matter with you? What's the matter with you? What's the matter with you? What's the matter with you? What's the matter with you? What's the matter with you?

What's the matter with you? What's the matter with you? What's the matter with you? What's the matter with you? What's the matter with you? What's the If you order a shirt from this show, you're going to have to send it to Palestine, and then you're going to have to take over that part of Palestine after the shirt arrives to get it, and so that becomes Israel. You're going to have to shell your way into the building where all the We Like Jokes shirts are. You're going to have to blow it up.

You're going to have to send it to a kid there and then blow up his body so his hands are just holding the. All right. What? I boycott this speech here talking about blowing up children. What would it take for you to boycott this speech here talking about blowing up children what would it take for you to boycott Israel I don't know they'd have to do something

but what am I going to boycott what business dealings do I have with Israel you could have it at any moment that's the thing is these boycotts are stupid enough so just let them happen did you see the Ben and Jerry's guys they interviewed them and they're like so we saw you guys are boycotts are stupid enough so just let them happen. Did you see the Ben and Jerry's guys? They interviewed them and they're like, so we saw you guys are

boycotting Israel for their, you know, whatever. Why don't you do that to like Texas for the abortion thing? They literally said, yeah, why don't... We didn't think of that. We'll have to take a look at that. Yeah, why don't you protest? That bitch was all over them. Yeah. Why don't you ban your sales like in a place where your sales

are actually like really high And it would actually affect your bottom line Because how much fucking Ben and Jerry's is getting sold in Israel really It's hot It's a desert Okay but they have their own frosty treats I'm sure They don't eat two American hippies

Not as good Not as good No I haven't had Ben and Jerry's in like a million years Do they seem like the kind of people that be making ice cream You ever heard of a good flavored Jewish frozen treat Yeah or anything Yeah Do they seem like the kind of people to be making ice cream? You ever heard of a good flavored... A Jewish frozen treat?

Yeah, or anything? Yeah. Is they known for their cuisine? They go like, here's some fish. They made salt ice cream. Right, right. Well, I mean, I don't know. Fucking hell.

Some Jewish cuisine manages to be pretty good. What? Pastrami, especially. That's Jewish? Yeah. How do you know? It is, really? Pastrami?

Yeah, I was watching me yeah i was watching the the history of it it's not it doesn't sound jewish no it's uh it's a jewish even even corned beef was originally a jewish uh kind of thing and the huh the irish were just living in new york and they're like this shit's fucking delicious let's make this our fucking delicious yeah okay so that's your your problem my problem problem is... Say it slower. Anti. Anti. I think it's anti-anti. Anti-anti. Because if it's an anti-Israel protest, it's against Israel.

Okay. Israel. Israel boycott? Boycott. Anti-anti-Israel boycott. Okay, anti-Israel boycott, anti... Just two anti's. You're against...

Okay, you're against anti- against you're okay you're against anti anti israel boycotts that means that you can't boycott israel no the nature of the boycott is anti-israel it is an anti-israel boycott because it's meant to punish israel oh okay it's anti-israel boycott an anti israel boycott is just israel boycott yes and an anti-anti-israel boycott is just Israel boycott. Yes. And an anti-anti-Israel boycott. I think we got there. I think so. I think you agree. Anti-Israel boycotts are the problem.

So you want, just to be clear, you want everybody to boycott Israel. I'm so tired. Just make the problem Jews and be done with it. Who fucking cares? Just put Jews on the leaderboard and watch it go up. Are you ready for my problem? Yeah.

That's a good problem. Anti-Israel. Anti-Israel boycott. It's not that complicated. Well, it is if you don't know. All right. If you don't run in the circles that you do or you're arguing about this kind of- Maybe it's good you can interpret it either way.

I'll get votes both ways. Speaking of Ben and Jerry's, my problem is unwarranted self-importance. You ever see this? You ever seen something like this pop up? It's like, what do they think that's going to happen by boycotting Israel? Right. They're the hero of the situation. Hitler's going to come back to life? What's the endgame here, fellas? Yeah. by boycotting Israel. Right. They're the hero of the situation.

Hitler's going to come back to life? What is the... What's the endgame here, fellas? Yeah. What is the... You just want to sell... You just saw that fat chicks were for Palestine and you wanted to make it known. You wanted to put Ben and Jerry's on their radar.

They'd come stomping into Airwands or Whole Foods or whatever. Give me that sweet... Give me that sweet single serving. Give me four servings of Ben and Jerry's, please, in a tub that I can take back home. This tweet came up today with people that you had a history with. I would like to remind everyone that I don't stand by what I did to these people.

I support it now. I still think they're fucking idiots. You should have flagged them twice. They're fucking very stupid. This is, I saw this tweet at night and I woke up thinking about it and I couldn't stop thinking about it all day. I would come back to it and try to parse it and go,

what's the worst part about this tweet? What's the worst part? The funny thing is we were talking before the show and I was like, are you going to bring that in? Because if not, I feel like I might have to because it's just indicative of the attitudes of some of these people.

They're deranged. Kind of. They're sick. They're sick and deranged. They're sick and deranged and putting on a performative a performative like we're sick. They're sick and deranged. They're sick and deranged and putting on a performative a performative like we're powerful. Gaining our strength with each other and they get smaller and smaller

and more impotent as they do this. And they cling tighter and tighter to each other like they're turning into Lilliputian. You know? And they're getting more homoerotically charged. This is NerdRotic sent this out. I flagged this tweet, by the way. Yeah, good.

And his channel. I flagged everything. I flagged everything he's got. No, stop. We don't do that. He says, CowboyBFlop. The flop is capitalized. Canceled.

Oh, my God. Yeah, it sucked. Yeah, that's bad. Look, he says, the people you are after are the people you depend on. We subscribe to your streaming services. We watch your shows. We buy your merch, DVDs, and Blu-ray. Possessive DVDs, but not on Blu-ray.

We are the, we, we, we, as I've said many times, anytime anybody uses we, they have a mental illness. Okay? We are the word of mouth. We are the money. How much money are these fucking neckbeards bringing in? We are the money. Do not fuck with us.

Yeah. No period on that either. I don't know if he ran out of characters in this fucking manifesto or what. Vito, what? And then there's a weird picture of the Fae actress rolling her eyes, but it looks like her eyes have been gouged out and replaced with mirrors like Red Dragon because of the way its paws psychotically pasted onto this. Thousands of likes.

I said, what is wrong with you? Do you think that you and you're complaining is what made the company pull this show that costs tens of millions of dollars an episode and nobody really watched like what do you do you think that your specific little collection of like hyper consumers who yeah nuts about every time you guys are addicted to this shit right no that you not only you the reason that you talk about this shit so much is because you can't watch more than one at the same time like if they found a way to feed you like the matrix cape shit yeah an escapist fantasy for dilute for delusional men who have no purpose, you would double, you would sell your fucking soul.

You would sell your soul for this delusional escapist horseshit. So what are you talking about? What were you threatening at any time other than your blind obedience? Blind, thoughtless dedication to product. Indiscriminate product that you must consume all day, every day. Don't fuck with us. Or what? You'll advertise for the show nonstop?

Can you imagine, like, a different era being like, see, I really stuck it to the Dick Van Dyke show because I don't, I didn't watch it. I didn't watch it. I didn't watch it. And then I... Okay. So we won a war again. It's so...

Why don't you just go, yeah, that TV show got canceled because it was bad. Awesome. But instead they phrase it as a weird consumer victory over evil that I do not understand or comprehend. It's so fucking weird. Like watching a sports team, like a super fan, like, we did it. We did it. Like, babe, just shut up during that. It's so fucking weird.

Like watching a sports team, like a super fan, like, we did it! We did it! Like, babe, just shut up during the- It is kind of like that. You're jinxing it. Like, oh, bro, you're not part of this. You're not, like, on the battlefield that you think's happening. Maybe you can play Warhammer with your pals and have a fight there, but this, what you're

doing now is thinking you're involved. You're thinking you're important, but you're not. What's so bizarre is that he's taking from a Fight Club quote. Oh, God! I almost threw up! I did throw up. I thought I was pregnant. Wasn't the original quote like, we're your repairmen

and all these blue-collar jobs? Which is true. And it was making a very important point about, yeah, you can't treat the common man like dirt. And it's like, oh yeah, I understand that. Yeah. That does not extend to you need to make my TV show really good to respect me. It's like, dude, it's a TV show.

What are you talking about? It's the same. You did this too. You're guilty of this. Probably. When you said the Democrat Party has lost me. If they don't fix, like, they don't care. I know they don't care.

They're importing illegal immigrants to replace me and you. Yeah. It's not just to fuck me over. It's also to fuck you over. Okay. That's different though because that's me saying here's why the Democrats are fucked. I don't expect I'm done with the Democrats. I am done with them. They're fucking retarded

They don't care. I know they don't care and I'm not need to make like a big statement about it No, but they do kind of care because they want to win and they're not gonna win. They don't need you They don't they need they just print the ballots out. They need something to win sure they need a they need a ballot They're bringing in Afghanis by the tens of thousands. They don't need one of you. What are you going to do? But this one is like Netflix does not need the Cowboy Bebop fans. Like, they can totally eat this loss. Yeah.

This is, what, one of like a thousand new shows they launched? All right. We fucked up. They're probably going to make their money back on it anyway. Just on like, eh, enough people probably signed up to watch it, but it's not enough to keep it going. Who even cares? Their stock price isn't affected.

Yeah. That's all that matters. Well, that's the thing is we won this great big battle, and it's like, well, all right, a TV show got canceled. A lot, most, like 99% of shows don't go past the first season, guys. You didn't. No. I don't know what you're thinking.

So many shows get canceled. Netflix soldiers on, but congratulations on your great victory. I pay your salary. You ever heard of that one? Oh, yeah. Unwarranted self-importance. I pay your salary. No, you don't pay? Oh, yeah. Unwarranted self-importance. I pay your salary. No, you don't pay it, first of all.

They take it from you. Those guys come and kick your ass if you don't pay it. You're not, like, paying it. That's a good retort. Oh, you should stop paying me then and see what happens. All the haters are talking. You see a bunch of, like, fat chicks on TikTok or Instagram talking about all their haters. I don't all their haters.

I don't need fucking haters. No. It's a sick mindset. Yeah. Not just social media, either. It's a sick mind... Yeah, there you go. Throwing a... Look at me.

Ben and Jerry's. Throwing a big tantrum. Online doesn't do it. People who just think that they... Every minor thing they do has some great impact on the world, I guess.

Yeah. Like, well, I made a video about how much that cowboy bebop actress sucks. Yeah. And so it's kind of like,

I got the show canceled. Well, it's like, you know those MRA guys that would like dress up like superheroes and make big stunts? Yeah.

And it was, I always thought like like you guys just look like assholes what do you think they're not fixing anything well the important thing is that i want your big show your big grandstand is worth nothing well i'm worried people are gonna say i'm a hypocrite because i make you know videos about you know movies and shit sucking or whatever else but i was thinking about i'm like well i've never taken the stance of, like, I'm so angry as a fan. You know, how could they ever do this to me? I'm just like, no, it kind of sucks.

They should have done a better job. Well, did you ever? That's the attitude you should have is like, oh, that's a disappointment that they fucked it up. Don't be angry and indignant and then be like, I have to destroy it to prove my legacy as, you know, I'm the one who got it done and took it off the air. And then give yourself credit.

That's what drives me nuts about it. It's the somebody who will say, like, they lost their phone. Like, well, somebody must have stole it. Like, bud, it's not all some elaborate way to scam you. Like, it's the least. I don't think it's Occam's razor. Is it Hanlon's? One is somebody's razor.

Right. It's, like, the simplest. Someone's razor. Someone had a razor. Yeah.'t think it's Occam's razor. Is it Hanlon's? One is somebody's razor. Right. It's like the simplest. Someone's razor. Someone had a razor. Yeah. I think it is Occam's. Oh, Occam's is the simplest explanation. Yeah, which is, well, the viewership wasn't, like, you don't need to invent this story

where you're Jesus Christ. Well, that's the thing. Which is what you're doing. I would say that either they or the fans got it canceled. It's always the fans. And I'm like, but you happen to be the spokesman for. Yeah. You are in charge of that. You're a part of this

army or whatever. No, it was a shitty TV show. If you did not exist, it would have still gotten canceled for being a shitty TV show. Like people who chime in with, well, I helped get Trump elected. It's like, no, he's hilarious. And he was world famous and awesome.

That's why he got elected. If you broke a story that the guy making it was a murderer and it created all this bad press for the show, sure. But it's just like, no, the show came out and it was bad.

And it got canceled for that reason. You had nothing to do with it. There's no way to... Why do you want to claim responsibility for it? How does it benefit you to be like, yeah, I got Cowboy Bebop canceled.

Why? Who cares? Here's what annoys me most about it. You can't take it away from them. Like you can't. It's delusion. This narcissistic delusion. There's nothing you can do or say

that will dispel them of this insane belief and feeling of satisfaction that I will never have. Right? I'm so jealous. Like, if something happened, you know, and I— I didn't watch a TV show. I'm the greatest hero that ever fucking lived. Yeah, right?

Yeah. Like, I can't make that go away. I can't hurt someone enough to take that away from them. So I feel powerless, and I was just minding my own business, being somewhat reasonable and rational. Not to mention, this is defending a cartoon that you really like. See, I did everything I could for the legacy

of Cowboy Bebop by not watching a TV show. Well. I'm a hero. Go watch it. Give it a shot. I tried watching

the first episode and I couldn't finish it. It was so, the writing is so bad. So bad. Okay, what's your next problem? My next problem, Dick,

regards some current events. Okay. Maybe you've heard of this guy, Juicy Smooloo. Juicy, yes. Good old Juicy. Juicy Smoolit. Juicy Smooky.

I think they're giving him a... Did you know he was gay? Is he? Yeah. Wow. I heard during the trial that him and that dude were beating each other up. Yeah, I really wanted to dig into that trial. As somebody put it, not having the footage of the Juicy Smuley trial

is the greatest comedic disappointment of the modern era because we would have picked that thing apart like crazy. I love when he told the guy not to use the N-word. That was one of your problems, the N-word defense. Yeah, the prosecutor. This was the N-word offense, though. The prosecutor was reading his text, Juicy's text, and he read the N-word, though yeah the prosecutor was reading his text his juicy's text yeah and he

read the n-word and juicy said whoa i'm not comfortable he should have the bailiff should have shot him exactly he said that the bailiff should have said immediate mistrial come on he read the n-word out loud in court this is a citizen's execution here's a statement regarding the ongoing trial of juicyicy Smuley. As abolitionists, we approach situations of injustice with love and align ourselves with our community because we got us. So let's be clear. We love everybody in our community. It's not about a trial or a verdict decided in a white supremacist charade.

And that comes from Dr. Melina. End of message, does it say? End of message, end of quote. white supremacist charade. And that comes from Dr. Melina Abdula, end of message, end of quote, director of Black Lives Matter Grassroots and co-founder of Black Lives Matter Los Angeles. So did you know, Dick, that the Juicy Smollett trial was a white supremacist charade? Yeah, I did know that.

My problem is, what are we doing? The white supremacist fallacy. Not everything is white supremacy, people. Kind of is. No, it isn't. No, no, no, no, no, no. It is a little bit. Look, all I am willing to say that there are indeed some white supremacist type guys.

When that Patriot Front Act, we didn't get into that. Those Patriot Front guys, you guys are going, oh, it's just the feds. There's no real white supremacists. Yeah, it's the feds. There's some real white supremacists in there. I mean, there's a lot just the feds. There's no real white supremacist. There's some real white supremacist in there. I mean, there's a lot of white supremacists. I'm not saying there's not obviously some feds who've integrated themselves into the thing, but you guys want to say, oh, they bought all the shields and they made a whole...

I mean, I don't know. You don't know exactly. Well, the FBI and the CIA just sits around all day doing that shit. They got shit to do. Yeah. Wouldn't it be funny if we got a bunch of our guys? Yeah, that's their job. That's all to do yeah they wouldn't be funny if we uh that's their job they just that's all they do they don't stop crime i know that i mean you grew we both grew up in the 80s so i know where we've got this misconception that the fbi and the cia stop crime

but all they do is start things that are not quite crimes and try to push retarded people into doing the crime it would be great if at some point they had a reality show and they're like, no, we've just been building up decades of footage for our epic prank show. Yeah. FBI gotcha. That's what it is. And they go, you remember that one? You remember that one? Gotcha.

That was a false flag. FBI gotcha. That's the show. All right, look. All I'm trying to say is. Do you not agree with that? That there's. That they just do crimes all the time?

Yeah, obviously. But they're not behind every single thing that happens. They killed Martin Luther King. Like, how is this worse or better than that? They don't always make the right call. Look. They never make the right call. Follow your Freedom of Information Act, you fucking psychopath.

Look. All I'm saying is, I think there are some white supremacist elements in this country, but you can't blame everything on them. Okay. some white supremacist elements in this country, but you can't blame everything on them. Especially not stuff like the Juicy Smule trial where a guy decided to hire his gay lover to throw a rope around his neck while he said he was out getting Subway sandwiches. What?

Love is a little strong. Okay, well... Gay associate. Fling. Gay associate. Gay masturbation associate. They were kissing before he got arrested or whatever. I've kissed a lot of girls I'm not in love with.

All right, all right. Don't do the guy dirty. His butt buddy. Yes, his butt buddy. You know, win a MAGA hat, throw bleach on him, whatever. That had nothing to do with white supremacy. Did white supremacy, like, force him to put on an epic stunt to try and, like, somehow get a bunch of weird media attention?

I mean. The whites forced him into that because. But that's the thing is you can, yeah, you can argue. It's like, well, if he didn't live in a white dominated society,

he would have had access to career opportunities. And the only way for him to achieve that was to fake a hate crime. It's like, okay, you can tie yourself up in a logic knot. It was a good idea. It was not a good, oh,

it's a good idea in theory if you do it right. Yeah. You don't hire two Somalians to get on all this video footage. Why didn't he just beat himself up at home and then say that it happened? Do it in like an alleyway or something. Why didn't he get two white supremacists to do it? Why didn't he just goad some white supremacists into actually beating him up? That's very easy to do.

He could have gone to a biker bar and said, your wife looks trans. Yeah. Well, not a biker bar because that probably would be having a trans wife. Yeah, that would be a full gay people. Yeah, he would have to find

some sort of gathering of angry people, but instead he hired his buddies. He's like, we're going to tell them I was getting Subway. Why didn't he hire white guys?

Why doesn't he have any white friends? That's a better question. Well, because white supremacy. They don't want to be friends with him. White supremacy is the root of every problem in America. We saw this with the Kyle Rittenhouse trial. We were told, well, Rittenhouse gets off.

That's white supremacy in action. Yeah. White kid shoots white people. This has something to do with black people for some reason. Insanity. Seth Rogen, we talked about this last week. People don't like his new Santa show. Who does he blame?

White supremacy. White supremacy. What the fuck? Rogen new Santa show. Who does he blame? White supremacy. White supremacy. What the fuck? Rogan, I know. Why not, though? Well, because I think it fucks. Isn't it? No, I don't.

No, no, no, no, no. No, no, because aren't white people are always like, oh, you got to have a farm and have kids and a wife. And that's really the way to godliness and the best way to do things. Yeah. That's white supremacy, isn't it? Look. I don't.

I'm just saying I only hear white people saying how much you need to have kids and move onto a farm and play guitar for your chickens. What is not the fault of white supremacy at that point? When your plumbing breaks, you go, well, that's because the white plumbers aren't going to my neighborhood because I live in a low income. No, what the fuck? At some point, you have to stop. You have to pick a direct scapegoat

for your things. You can't just like through this elaborate Rube Goldberg device be like, well, see, I mean, if you follow the fucking threads,

you eventually arrive at white supremacy all the time. Doesn't it make it easier, though, if everybody could just blame everything on white supremacy? Sure, I guess it makes it easier.

I mean, that is what we want in America. Are we trying to fix it? Why fix it? Yeah, exactly it yeah exactly why the crt stuff is happening to try to critical race the white kids well that's why i don't trust this critical race theory stuff is that a critical race theory what do you call was originally supposed to be for uh colleges and it was kind of like a tricky subject or whatever and they're like uh let's trust a bunch of middle school teachers to talk about it you're like have you ever met a middle school teacher who had a good opinion on anything?

No, they're retarded. No, they're as dumb as the kids. I don't trust them to tell a kid anything about race. Yeah. You know? Not a single thing. I don't trust them to teach anything. The fact that any kid comes out knowing the times tables

is a fucking miracle in America. The next thing you're going to trust them to tell them what black people and white people, how they're supposed to interact with each other and who's in charge of what. So is that like a real fun class in like the hood? What? Critical race theory class.

But then in like the white neighborhoods where there's one black kid or two black kids. Yeah, you feel bad coming out of it. Kind of weird. Well, I just picture these teachers that for every one teacher who maybe understands the complex nuance of race in America, you're going to have a hundred more who go, well, white people are just bad. And that's it. Because people, they can't think their way around those problems. I mean.

And they will go, how come Jimmy has worse shoes than me? And it's like, well, white supremacy. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's because, you know. Maybe a little bit. Could be a little bit of white supremacy. I don't know, man. Maybe.

You can't say no white supremacy. Fine. Maybe a little bit. Could be a little bit of white supremacy. I don't know, man. You can't say no white supremacy. Maybe a little bit. Could be a little bit of white supremacy. A little bit. Let me give you from Jennifer. Because white people are kind of setting up Juicy. Like he's a victim of the session. Oh, we forced this to happen? Oh, Italians are white now? Yeah, John is white.

I don't know about you. I'm a filthy guido. Because white people are like setting up this idea. Oh, yeah. If you get any kind of sort of hate crime, we're going to be all over. You're going to bust out of this gay black show that you're on and you're going to be the next Oprah or whatever. Does that happen? Does that really happen?

White people are constantly saying this and tricking minorities. Tricking white people into setting up their own hate crime. Yeah, like it doesn't. It wouldn't benefit me to hate crime myself. Right. I would get no benefit from that. But Jussie would've got,

he got mentioned by the fucking vice president. So we've made hate crime so alluring the white people. Yes. That black people now want to commit them

against themselves because of how great they are. Yeah, because they're so valuable. That's white supremacy. Jennifer Ho, the professor of Asian American Studies

at the University of colorado boulder this is an asian woman i thought you said colorado for a second i was like did black people make their own colorado she says the white people are the main perpetrators of anti-asian racism oh my experience is that all anti-asian racism has the same source as anti-black racism, white supremacy. When a black person attacks an Asian person, the encounter is fueled perhaps by racism, but very specifically by white supremacy. White supremacy does not require a white person to perpetuate it. See, black people hate Asian people because of white people. It's our fault.

We did it. No. Stop. It's just more fun. You're such a killjoy. I'm a killjoy. Yeah, like imagine what if black people hated Asian people because of white supremacy. That's hilarious.

You know what? This sounds like what they accuse. This is the kind of extremism. Replace the white supremacy with That's hilarious. You know what? This sounds like what they accuse. This is the kind of extremism. Replace the white supremacy with the Jews. No, that's not funny. No, but that's what they do is they go, well, everything can be traced back to this one very specific source. And you can wrap yourself

in fucking knots trying to say, well, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. White people love it, though. They love feeling bad for stuff. We do. We have our white guilt and it makes us feel... We feel like have our white guilt And it makes us feel We feel like if we acknowledge it It makes us stronger It's like white people

Is like This is their Holocaust Slash slavery That's happening right now Is white supremacy Cause white supremacy Takes

Takes over Everything It's the most Worst thing Right? Yeah Like you could say Oh why is things like this, slavery?

Why is there so much disenfranchisement or whatever? If slavery, oh, the Holocaust is horrible. But then everybody will go, actually, white supremacy is the worst thing ever. So white people win again. That's the worst one. Even in their minds. White people win. We win because we're responsible for, well, you know,

at least we're the best at being evil. Look, I think that there are some extremist elements in the world i think i'm even willing to say that some of that critical race theory the idea that america you know was built on some racist structures that maybe need to be challenged okay okay like what i don't know I don't know, like enslaving all the... 40 acres and a mule thing? Yeah, yeah. That's part of it.

You want to give black people reparations? I'm going to give them 45 acres. That's how much white guilt I have. Two mules. Two mules. That's the platform I'm running on. How are you going to make more mules with one mule?

You need two mules. You need two. Well, that's like to get them to socialize and stuff. Yeah, yeah. It's like putting a Name The name of a celebrity On your

On your chair At a party And then you get a guess What other people Yeah Yeah That was why they wanted To give them a mule

It's like well then go hang out You know you have like Mule play dates and stuff So they can hang out And have little games Cause they wouldn't know When they ended slavery They got

They're off the plantation now You know? It's like out of college when you're out of your dorm. You don't know how to meet people anymore. It's like, we've got to get them. A mule? Yeah, so they've got to walk the mule. They go to the mule park and they meet other black people.

It's like, I remember you from the plantation. Yeah, they get together. How many acres did you get? 40? Same. Same way. I've got a big hill in mine, though. Oh, my God.

I can't use it. Unusable. Can't even chop it down. It's too big. It's illegal. Yeah, it's illegal. White people said it's fucking illegal. Would you believe that?

I've been growing some weed, though. Woo! It's like blaming everything on the devil. You can do it. It's fun. Stop with this. It's fun nonsense. It's not fun.

It's just making everybody insane We can't have a conversation Are you upset when you hear about White supremacy I love it I hear like you know why Like I follow Tariq Nasheed Yeah

Just so he can say everything What's white supremacy Yeah I just like Why are women so fat White supremacy Like ah okay I just like every time You post a picture

From like any like TV commercial Of a black guy Like washing laundry He's like Ah they broke another buck. He's just doing the laundry, man. He's helping out as well. Oh, buck breaking.

Why do you hate it so much? Why does it bother you? Because I think that if we're going to try and get to the root cause of some of these problems, or if they're not even problems like the Rittenhouse thing, everybody went nuts at the Rittenhouse thing because you tell them, well, he did it because he's a white supremacist, and now nobody's thinking logically. And they go, well, he did it because he's a white supremacist. And now nobody's thinking logically. And they go, well, nobody should be allowed to have a gun.

And if somebody charges at you, you have to get down on your hands and knees and go, oh, I'm so sorry. You got to blow the guy who charges you, the pedophile. Poor naive Vito thinks we're going to get to the root of the problem someday. No, I've given up on all of this shit. Everyone's so fucking insane. There's no fixing anything. Thinking you're so smart because of your race that you're going to fix everyone's problems

if they would just stop doing it themselves. Well, dick, I already fixed the world by getting Cowboy Bebop canceled. I think that's why those guys do it, is that they feel like they have some semblance of control. Yeah. They go, oh, this is a part of the world I can control. I can get TV shows canceled by being mad at them. Yeah. Yeah. And go, oh, this is a part of the world I can control. I can get TV shows canceled by being mad

at them. Yeah. Yeah. And anyone who does that is insane. You have no control. Gina Carano's career. Oh, God. No, you're not. Didn't we talk about that on here where I'm so pissed where everyone's always like, we want less political media and then Gina Carano goes, I'm going to be in a

movie about Hunter Biden. And they're like, well, that's absolutely what I want. No, I thought she's doing another movie too that's like a normal movieano goes, I'm going to be in a movie about Hunter Biden. And they're like, well, that's absolutely what I want. No, I thought she's doing another movie, too, that's like a normal movie. Well, why does she just make only normal movies? Why are you going to make, like... Because no one cares. Because no one wants to see her in a movie.

Okay, but when they say... It's just this Hollywood's too political and, you know, they canceled Gina Carano on base of politics and she immediately goes and making the Hunter Biden story. You're like, well, she's doing the same fucking thing you said you don't want. No, that's what they want. They just want their politics.

They do want their politics. Yes. Absolutely. Well, yeah. So stop saying we don't want politics in our media and say, I want Hunter Biden movies every fucking day. I want the Lifetime channel to make them. It just wouldn't be any fun if everyone—

Stop with this fun shit. Why is it that every argument I make is dismantled by dickhunts? Yeah, but it's fun. I don't want people to have fun. Juicy Smollett was hilarious. I'm not saying it's not hilarious. The cops wasted their time following all these made-up leads instead of busting cocaine dealers and driving up the price of cocaine.

It was a win-win-win. Okay. Now Juicy goes to jail. was a win-win-win. Okay. Now Juicy goes to jail. The white supremacists are thrilled. Right. Because he got rope-a-doped by the white supremacists. They walked him right into it. Then pulled his pants off.

I like that the argument against my problem is that it creates so many funny situations of dumb people yelling at each other. You wouldn't like it. If you got what you wanted and nobody talked about this shit anymore, you wouldn't enjoy it. I think I might. I think I might be happy to live in a world where- So move to Israel! I can't, because I'm not allowed to boycott them or anything,

and they'll fucking put sanctions on me if I go there, and I won't be able to buy Ben & Jerry's ice cream for some reason, as we all know I love. Here's my problem. It's called civil asset forfeiture. Never heard of it. Never heard of it?

That's a joke. Of course I have horrible Isn't it crazy that the government can just take your more of your stuff? It's no crazy the government can do anything they want at any point in time Yeah, I don't know how to pitch this and the amount of time that I have a lady Recently got a hundred thousand dollars taken away from her at the airport. Yeah.

Because the drug dog smelled all the cocaine that's all over the money. And the cops opened her bag and said, what is this? A bunch of money? That's actually just the same. That's as bad as having cocaine. Yeah. Because you probably got this doing drugs. So we're going to take this $100, grand of your money until you can prove that you

were not, that you didn't make it in an illicit way. Yeah. The problem being, well, you guys, it's your fault that there's coke all over the money, first of all. Yeah, because the Colombians that you hired to smuggle cocaine in here for a million, hundreds of years. Yeah. So how was I supposed to, I don't know what cocaine smells like.

I guess a dog does. Yeah. How the fuck am I going to prove that? Old money has cocaine on it. Yeah. Yeah. First of all, I did get it from illegal things, so I can't prove it. Right.

And secondly, you guys are going to divvy it up with all of your pals, all of your cop bureaus and pals and firemen or whatever, who's ever all involved in this, before I can get a chance to get it back. You're fucked. How would you like to waste all of your time, no money, while all your money's been taking, just trying to prove to a bunch of idiots that you are in deservement of the money that you just had that was yours that you're not supposed to have need any reason to be carrying around you guys printed this shit yeah what do you mean i'm not allowed to have as much as i want this is your

property yeah it says right on it belongs to the fucking u.s government why what is what's the why can i not just carry it around? It is super weird that money is the most important thing and just essential to making our anything run to living. Yeah. But if you have a lot of it, it's really suspicious. That's illegal. Yeah. And everyone just agrees with it.

Yeah. Well, why do they have so much money? What the fuck business is it of yours? Because they keep it under a big mattress. Because they're dealing drugs, you shithead. Who cares? Because they're buying an RV. All cash. That's why. They'll pull people over and they're

like, well, I was just about to buy, yeah, exactly, a trailer or something. They're like, I pay cash for stuff because I don't like to deal with the banks. And they go, yeah, but you might be a drug dealer. So we're going to take with the banks. And they go, yeah, but you might be a drug dealer. You might be a drug dealer. So we're going to take all the money. And we can't have anybody doing unsafe drugs during this pandemic. Right.

That might cause a reaction with the heart attack serum that Pfizer is serving. Texas, I got some stats for you. Texas made more than 50 million bucks in a year just from taking people's stuff. It's just taking stuff. That's it. Well, like, that's the other thing is, like, why can't they just take anything at that point? What makes money so special? They can seize your cars and shit, too.

Yeah, $60 billion have been seized by law enforcement between 2001 and 2015 from people who were never charged with anything. Like, I don't... I mean, if you're handing a guy a big brick of cocaine and you happen to have 10 grand on you, in my opinion, that's your money. Like, there's no... You know, it's the selling of the drugs that's illegal. It's not having profit...

Having the money from the drugs, yeah. Having money's not having profit. Having the money from the drugs. From wherever. Maybe the guy gave you a speaking fee of $5,000. And you gave him a speech about how great this cocaine was that you're then giving. That's a good point. It works for the fucking Federal Reserve. All of their chairmen get to go give speaking fees everywhere. That's true.

Can a drug deal, can you be like, listen, to be clear, this $5,000 you're giving me. That was close. Yeah. To be clear, I can't even say. No, that was close. You motherfucker. Yeah. This is clearly, you know, this is just a friendly donation or whatever.

Yeah. And I'm giving you the cocaine for free. For free. As a friend. Because I'm an addict. I'm trying to get rid of it. I want to get rid of it. No, they won't let you do that.

No. That's obvious to police for some reason that you're buying drugs. But when the Federal Reserve does it, it's no big deal. I like that I say 2B and your finger immediately. You're so eager. A Lubbock man got $87,000 at a traffic stop, ripped off from him. This is a bunch of stories of people getting their cars. And a lot of times it's like veterans again who, you know,

took all their money out of their GI pension to go buy their house and settle down, get away from life. Why can't they just take your house? Why is it in the stage of cash where it's illegal to have? You know where it's from, by the way?

Pirating laws. Like if you left your ship. Like on the seas? Yeah, if you had your ship in a port and you were off in another country screwing around, you'd say, well, we have to seize this ship. We can't just let the ship sit in the fucking port. How often would that happen?

Probably never. Probably just made that up, too, actually. FBI probably made that up. They're always challenging these laws because, again, they're the kind of laws where you go, listen, I know that maybe a lot of these guys are drug dealers doing something illegal, but you've got to catch them the normal way. You can't just go, I will take your money. Prove to me you're not a criminal is not a law.

Yeah, you can't just take the money. You've got to stop the drugs from happening because then you might get shot. Yeah. Like, then it's fair. Yeah, then there's like some actual, you've got to do your job. You can't just take people's money. Why don't you just go to the bank then?

Everyone's got a lot of money sitting around in the bank. It also kind of seems like they don't want to catch the criminals. It's kind of like they're just... They just want to take their money. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

It's more extortion than anything else. And they go, listen, you're probably a cocaine dealer dealer but we don't actually care about that at all we just want your so we're just gonna you can basically pay us a hundred thousand dollars to not put you in jail it's just extortion yeah and do i get do i get paid by the hour to come try to get my money back no no and you guys get paid by the hour to keep my money. Amazing. Fucking amazing system. I guess it is more infuriating when you realize they don't care about the drugs at all. Yeah, because they don't even charge people.

No, they don't care. They're like, yeah, cocaine, that's fine. We just want the money. So we want a cut. Why don't they just make it like legally you have to give the government a cut of your drug money? Because that's clearly what they want. They already have that. Well, you have to pay taxes.

That's called laundering money. Yeah, the money laundering is that some of it ends up going to the state. So you can pay the taxes and count it as income. We should just legalize drugs, America. It's clearly what you want. You want to cut all the money. Stop taking it in these sneaky little ways and just tax the drug dealers. to cut all the money. Stop taking it in these sneaky little ways and just tax

the drug dealers. Proponents see civil forfeiture as a powerful tool to thwart money. For free. To thwart criminal organizations involved in the illegal

drug trade with 12 billion that's all they make? 12 billion annual profits. Is that drugs or criminal, this civil asset forfeiture? $12 billion a year? That's crazy money. But for drugs? You think that's about right?

Well, I would say civil, but through civil forfeiture. I mean, how many guys are they pulling over? Where are they getting that much money out of? Everybody. They're setting up stings. They'll pop out of an ATM. Yeah, but how much do you get out of a sting? Like a million?

I saw average was a thousand bucks. Yeah. So average... You're not getting to 12 billion busting guys for a thousand bucks. No, look. 63 billion over 16 years. From civil asset forfeiture? Yeah. That must include like property forfeiture

and stuff as well. Like somebody. No, this and this was only 20 states. This was less than half of the states that who report this. The other half just. Yeah. You don't need to know about how many. Well, if they put a drug dealer in prison, do they take their estate and stuff? And they say it's drug proceeds.

Probably. I think they do do that. Like if you get a drug crime, they go, oh, well, this car and this house and whatever was paid for by Probably. I think they do do that. What the fuck is that? If you get caught on a drug crime, they go, oh, well, this car and this house and whatever was paid for by drugs. How do they know? So it's not the property of the government. Because I remember back in the day,

I don't know if it was DARE or whatever, but they came to our school, and they're like, see this cool fucking car? We took it from a drug dealer. Yeah, we took it from a drug dealer. And I wanted to be like, so you stole from a guy. Yeah, that's not drugs. That's a car.

Yeah, that's a car. And this isn't stopping a crime. This is stealing property. Taking a guy's stuff. Yeah. Congratulations. Good work. And you guys aren't like, that's not your-

Do you want to ride in this car we stole from the drug dealer? And I'm like, no, I want you to give it back to the drug dealer. I want you guys to go to jail for stealing that guy's car. Yeah. Because it's not- You stole a car. you guys to go to jail for stealing that guy's car. Yeah. Because it's not your sole car. That's literally the opposite of what cops are supposed to do. And now you're going around telling kids that stealing drugs is so lucrative you could have this Lamborghini like a Bitcoin lord. It is very bizarre how we handle drugs in this country.

The same thing with, well, crime in general. Like, okay, stop those, grab those guys and send them to jail. Instead of like, hey, let's take their car too. Like, well. Yeah, why? No, why? Because we can drive it. It's fast.

Because fuck them. Fuck those guys. They're making too much money. No, no, no, no, no. It's not fuck them. It's stop the rest of the people who are doing this stuff so they don't do anymore well let's fuck them also no that's not aren't we supposed to prevent harm to the citizens yeah but can't we gouge that guy's eyes out while we're at it no you shouldn't have that i'm an honest cop

i can't have a fucking lamborghini yeah meanwhile you get a fucking overtime making 100 did you ever see what like some of the cops are making in some of the big cities yeah because they're all putting for overtime they're all putting for overtime. They're making like $200,000. Yeah. How did you do 100 hours of overtime every week? They ride the metro around. They do.

They just sit on it and ride it around. Or they go, a lot of what the cops do is they go to, what do you call it? Like anytime somebody they busted is in court, they just go. They're just sitting in the courthouse playing on their phone. They're not doing anything and they're getting paid their overtime time and a half to sitting in the courthouse playing on their phone they're not doing anything and they're getting paid their overtime time and a half to sit in the courthouse um yeah the thousand bucks was funny because that's like that's the right amount that's just about as much money as i would think to just say fuck it i'm not even gonna try to get it back i would say

i was gonna say that's why cops a lot of time you're like why the fuck are you giving me a you know a ticket or whatever taking me to court like because then i cops a lot of the time are like, why the fuck are you giving me a ticket or whatever, taking me to court? Because then I get to sit in the courthouse and make time and a half. Of course I want you to go to court. Let's see. Here's a couple driving from New York to Florida. They were stopped by police because of a cracked windshield. That's a $100,000 fine right there.

The officer decided that $32,000 in cash in the van was probably involved in criminal or drug-related activity. I hate to say it, but $32,000 is not even a down payment on a house or whatever. If somebody just wants to take their money out of the bank and... Yeah. Seized it, shared it with federal authorities under the Equitable Sharing Program. They have a program to dilute the money as quickly as possible. Equity is important. The victim hired a lawyer to get back the money

who urged them to settle for half of the amount. What the fuck? Why? For what? No, give it all. Why would the government go, we'll give you back half? That makes no sense.

Either it's drug money or it's not. You can't go, well, let's just split the difference on it. So they took it and after a lawyer's fees, the victim got back only seven thousand i'm gonna kill myself what the fuck it's the most it's the most infuriating yeah a thing that police do i think a civil asset forfeiture yeah because again they do tie you up and you're like if you want your money back you gotta hire a lawyer and at that point you've lost all the money everything's a nightmare uh okay is that is that we got the show i think we got them what are your problems And you know if you want your money back you got to hire a lawyer and at that point you've lost all the money Everything's a nightmare Okay, is that is that we got a show? I think we got them. What are your problems anti anti anti anti anti?

Israel I think anti Israel boycotts anti anti Israel boycotts and white supremacist scapegoats Scapegoats okay supremacy sca Supremacy scapegoat. Scapegoat supremacy. Something like that. I think we lose so much. You know, that's kind of stifling people's free speech. It's fun to take people's money away, Dick.

You wouldn't have all these stories to complain about. No, you don't get it. Only cops get to take it away. Yeah, all right. It's fun excuse. It's not a good counter argument. Civil asset forfeiture and what was my other one? Oh, yeah. Unwarranted counter-argument. Civil asset forfeiture and... What was my other one? Oh, yeah.

Unwarranted self-importance. See a lot of that these days. See, you deal with that in your regular life, too. Yeah. Like, every time a woman gets mad... It's all about her. Well, yeah. She's like, that was just a joke.

Fucking calm down. Teacher's getting mad. You can't talk to... Teacher... You can't be like that. We're shaping the future. Teachers getting mad. You can't talk to teachers. You can't be like that. We're shaping the future. You're not doing anything. Healthcare professionals, we're on the front line. You guys kill healthcare professionals.

You guys kill more people than cancer every year with your mistakes. So why don't you? That's true. Some of them are trying their best. That's the problem. That their best is not good enough to stop killing people. Well, becoming a nurse is a very low bar. Doctors, they've got to put in some effort.

They have dumb doctors, too. Yeah, I think nurses are the real problem. You go, I'm dying over here in this bed. They go, you're fine. You don't need anything. And they don't give you any drugs. They don't give you any drugs. They don't give you any drugs. And they eat that.

Okay, let's do some voicemails. Let's do some voicemails. Hey, Dick. Hey, Vito. Here's my problem I want to submit. Adventurous girls. What I mean is that women who get way too fucking adventurous in the bedroom, and they start going towards the fucking danger zone, man.

Your ass? I don't know what about it is Maybe it's media. Maybe it's porn or something but They just want fuck with you. I've been like, you know, I kind of hook it up with recently, you know everything goes through the mind But maybe those are guys a little bit more adventurous as they're you know fucking working on like the dick and balls Yeah, don't be so uncomfortable more adventurous as they're, you know, fucking working on like the dick and balls. Yeah.

Don't be so uncomfortable. And, you know, just crouching towards my ass and I have to fucking like stop them. I yell at them. I even like fucking go, yeah, you know what? I'll go home. What the fuck? Just tell them no. You don't got to cut the whole thing short.

And they always say the same thing. Oh, well, that's your prostate. Oh, like, you know, you get the, you'll calm harder. I never fucking want anything near my fucking ass like that or anything. What about your underpants? I'll risk prostate cancer. Let the fucking doctor have no knowledge of what my prostate size is. I don't fucking care.

Get your prostate checked, people. Don't you dare touch my fucking ass, all right? Don't fucking go up there. That's probably a myth, too. That's fucking nasty, especially, like, in the fucking bed. He sounds gay, though. Bitch, I just fucking met you, like, three hours ago. This is raging.

You're there? Get the fuck out of here. He sounds a little gay, doesn't he? Oh, you guys don't know how to fucking merge? Fuck you. Is he on the fucking highway? Doesn't he sound a little... You get the...

Get away from my asshole. I think you can have a very common sense Objection to I don't like having my asshole touched When you get this crazy about it Kind of come off like Nah cause you can't tell girls what to do in bed Yeah you can Stop touching my butthole

They keep trying to fucking get it in there somehow I don't understand this prostate thing You don't understand the prostate Well I mean is that true That people stimulating it is I Well, I don't understand this prostate thing. You don't understand the prostate? Well, I mean, uh, is that true that people, it's stimulating it as, I've heard, I've heard, I don't know. I have heard that. I've heard things. But I also, I also know that like,

well, you remember, uh, American Pie, was it? Yeah. Where they go, oh, we're gonna stimulate your prostate, and the guy has like this crazy fucking orgasm. But if you come- I think they're good enough. I don't think anybody's ever... Well, yeah, that's what I don't understand. I've never understood this, like,

oh, if you, like, choke yourself before you cum, you'll have, like, the most amazing orgasm. I'm like, every orgasm I have is already the most amazing orgasm. I was literally thinking this yesterday as I went, I can't believe I've been jerking off this long and it still feels this good. It never gets any worse than it could be like so yeah i don't need anyone to put anything in my butt it already feels fucking fantastic see these women he's

dating but i'm a shooter i'm not a dribbler as we've discussed yeah i remember that maybe the dribblers need a little prostate action oh like squeeze it out like a tube of toothpaste you sledge ahead well i like i'm on top I think we discussed if you dribble cum, you have a less exciting orgasm than a shooter. Yeah, I remember talking about that. I'm a shooter, baby. Let's see here. Hey, Joe.

Hey, Jake. Hi. If you've been on the show, my biggest problem are dead artists. Dead artists? I'm getting tired of going to Spotify and seeing that someone like John Lennon, David Bowie, or even Johnny Cash have a so-called new release.

These guys are dead. I find it totally disrespectful that these record companies are just releasing these mediocre remixes of essentially dead artists. And I think it's a total disrespect to their original work and for who they were. What are your thoughts? Cheers. I didn't know they're doing that so they put out a remix but they say from john lennon because it's one of his songs yeah um that's sneaky i saw a new release from metallica today yeah it was like their 4k album are you guys what the fuck that's not a new release ultra like it's not a master

or anything it's just higher fidelity. Like, this is horse shit. Yeah, I don't even know. I'll listen to it, but don't make it like a new release. It's interesting when they try to remaster these albums, but I can never tell the difference half the time. Okay. Oh, Seth Rogen. Heard about.

Hey, this is Seth Rogen. This is how I talk. This is a message for Vito. I heard your podcast, and I thought it was bullshit. You don't see me making fun of you with my Hollywood buddies? We're just smoking weed. Anyway, if I've got to go, me and James Franco, we're going to go and smoke marijuana. You know,

the impression wasn't getting me. I wasn't sure it was actually Seth Rogen, but the laugh really did cement it. Yeah, fuck you, Seth Rogen. Fuck you, buddy. Thanks for giving me a win, though. Thanks for the W. Hey, Dick.

Hey, Vito. Hi. One of Vito's... Problems? Sorry, I'm driving home after work. One of Vito's arguments for Funko Pops being shitty is they were just cheap and you're supposed

to spend more money on some show you really liked. Yes. But Vito forgets that some of us go outside and spend money on other things. Like what? Going outside. Spend money to go outside? So $50 is all I want to spend

on a fucking Funko Pop or any figurine of a fictional universe. You buy like hundreds of dollars of a toy. Most people don't. They have a max of like an adult amount of money

to spend on toys. Adult amount of money? $15. $20. Look, I've already discussed this. It influences my work. It's a great inspiration. You sit there and look at your action figures

and you ponder your action figures? Absolutely. The design of the characters and the various colors. You just remember it? I mean, yeah, but this is helpful. I have some great pieces in my collection. Which ones do you ponder the most?

I have a lot of these. You know Akira Toriyama, the guy who made Dragon Ball? No. Have you ever seen Dragon Ball? No. You have a fucking Toriyama. He made this. I don't know what that is.

He made this slime. He made the slime, all the Dragon Quest characters and stuff. Oh, he made that? Wow. The simplicity of it is why it works. Okay. So you have a slime that you pondered? I have a couple different Dragon Quest figures and things.

I think it's very... Big boob ones? The clean lines. Some of them have big boobs. Bulma. Good old Bulma. Oh, wait. I don't think that one...

Is that one... Is she involved in the... Bulma's in Dragon Ball. She's like the girl. He's got a good art style. And it influences... It looks weird. It influences my work.

It's unique. I don't think it looks weird. It looks cartoonish. He's a cartoon type... He used to do like gag cartoons before he kind of fell into making the martial arts stuff almost by accident. Gag cartoons like Family Circus?

Heathcliff? He had one called Dr. dr slump that was about like a little girl and kind of like yeah like it was literally like a gag like archie comics or some shit like all looks like funny not action okay last one uh here we go quote unquote cowboy bebop Did he just say end of quote? Beloved by countless generations. Yes. He said that. Cowboy Bebop. A show that came out in 1998.

Countless generations. Letter U Letter R Letter D. I can't count the generations How can you count them? I can't One or two

Probably two Two Yeah but it might be one It might be three He said quote End quote though At the beginning He did say quote

End quote You do quote It works like quotes Where you say quote And then you say the quote And then you say end quote No you can say End of quote i have a

video of mitt romney saying the exact same thing did he was he also accidentally reading off the teleprompter no he doesn't have dementia okay it says end of quote end of message you can say okay said end of message biden said you missed the previous one because they were going at him on a previous one okay where he was quoting yeah the ce previous one where he was quoting the CEO of Walmart. And at the end of the quote, he said, end of quote. And I went, oh, he just read that off the teleprompter. See, he wasn't supposed to read. You don't put that on a teleprompter.

You don't put end of quote on a teleprompter. Yeah. You know that it's a quote. You don't put it at all. No. Like you just put little quotes. You just put quotation marks around it. And then you just continue with the speech.

Yeah. So why was it there? I don't even think he was reading a teleprompter. He just decided to say end of quote? People say end of quote when they're done quoting a thing so you know that the quote is... You can also say end quote, but some people say end of quote. People in real life? Yes.

I guess. No, they do. I've said it. I wish they would clear this up easily by having a- You've never heard the phrase end of quote? I've heard someone- Yeah, I've heard end of quote. Okay.

Just seems like a little odd when Biden's saying all this weird stuff. Oh my God. Just seems like he says a lot of weird stuff. That's all. And he's a hologram. Did you see he was on the lawn and the microphone went through his hands? I'm not saying he's a hologram. I'm just saying- You're basically saying he's a hologram. Did you see he was on the lawn and the microphone went through his hands? I'm not saying he's a hologram. I'm just saying.

You're basically saying he's a hologram. You're in the same league as those fucking people right now. I'm just saying. Look, he's old. He's so old that when he said end of quote, it means that he can't read. Fuck you. Vito, surely his mental facilities are in decline. I'm not left or right anymore.

I don't care about any of these people. They're all liars. Eric Gare for Canada. What is it? Canadian $5? I'm not sure it happened, but if it did, I'm not sure if it was 6x10x6. To the 6th. Oh, he said it's a Holocaust joke.

All right. You son of a bitch. You got me. You got me with the numbers. Herb Beta Patch says, Which amendment says you have a right to do business with the government? None of them. The government has the right to decide who it does business with, just the same as companies do.

Yeah, the government should be allowed to deny you health care if you boycott Israel, right? They should raise your taxes. I mean, they're allowed to decide. They're allowed to do whatever they want. At their whim, based on your personal opinions on a subject, they should just change laws to suit you. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. The government should be

blind to all fucking opinions on anything. It should not matter to the government who you like, who you do business with, whatever else. The government can't find workarounds around the First Amendment, around any of the amendments. Yeah. Like, the government can't go,

uh, oh, yeah, we're gonna let you say whatever you want, but if you, but, uh, using the letter E, or, uh,

but if you upset the fucking, um, the gooch, we're gonna arrest you. I think that if you boycott Israel, you shouldn't be allowed to own land. That's just fair.

You shouldn't be allowed to vote. If you boycott Israel, you can't pay taxes. own land. That's just fair. You shouldn't be allowed to vote. If you boycott Israel, let's take it. You can't pay taxes. And then we'll arrest you. And then we'll arrest you for not paying taxes. You can't get around the amendments. That's not how it works. Yeah, you can't go, oh, well, just for this stuff,

they're allowed to decide based on what you say, what rights you have. Oh, you have the freedom of speech. But you know what? We're giving everybody in the country a million dollars every day. Yeah, to give it up, to give up freedom of speech. But you know what? We're giving everybody in the country a million dollars every day. Yeah, to give it up. To give up freedom of speech. Yeah, but only if they do the following things. Like, well, you're just kind of getting around. You can't do that.

They're kind of playing games. I have seen this. I have seen people say that. What amendment says that you have the right to do business with the government? The government has the free speech right to discriminate against whoever they want. That's just how George Washington would have wanted it. Okay, I think that's it.

All right, well, thank you, everybody, for coming by. I missed some last week. Yeah, well, we'll try to find it. But we do appreciate everybody's support, especially over at patreon.com slash biggest problem oh yeah where you can get access not only to the uh copies of the show with no ads you'll be able to submit your problems for our bonus episodes and listen to the bonus episodes that we have available uh go vote biggest problem biggest problem that show yeah see you guys next friday love you guys