The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 27 - Black Women Raise the Debt

Episode Date: February 5, 2022

The National Debt, Smoking is Too Cool, Inventing Black Inventors, Seatbelt Alarms

Yeah! Biggest problem in the universe! Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe! The only show that ranks every problem in the universe from women ghosting to Janny's boasting. Mmm! How do you like that one? Pretty good. I'm your host, Dick Masterson. Joining me as always, Vito Giswaldi. Happy to be here, Dick.

The banned, the unpersoned Vito Giswaldi. I have finally taken a bold step. See, that's the thing. Everybody keeps coming to me. They go, you must be so upset you got banned from Twitter. And I go, this is probably the best thing that could have ever happened to me. You know what I was going to bring in doubling down this week as a problem? Just because of that response that you just gave right there.

But here's the thing is, I've wanted to shut down my Twitter for the longest time, but I always went, oh, but I have all these followers. I can promote things. No, you can. No, you can't, though. Not really. What do you mean? Twitter is a shitty place to promote.

Because anytime you post an outside link, if I post a link to a YouTube video, they just downgrade it to the point where nobody sees it. Okay. So now you have no ability to make friends or meet people to collaborate with. I know. I'm not fucking. Yeah, it is a good networking tool, but I can still network. You can't DM. You can't get drunk and DM thoughts with big boobs.

I also think I can just, I mean, I'll just, at some point, I have a secondary account. Oh, what is that one? At the Vito Show.

Oh, yeah, okay. Well, you're taking it very well. Yeah, no, I'm not.

Because it's what you voted for. It's what I voted for. So you like it. Yeah. Okay. I'm excited about it. Let's do, oh,

yeah, okay. Here we go. You ready for this? You should be thrilled this week. The cowardice of women. Number one. And number two, political scientists.

And they were both very high. They were both voted very favorably on. Yeah. Good job. Took the one and the two. I will admit that when I came up with a woman-centric problem, I went, well, I know it's cheating, but... Could have just been fuck women. This bitch ghosted me, and I feel like it needs to be addressed.

Yeah, but they are... You brought in a very specific thing about them that's annoying. Fashion of the womenly, yes. Because you can't just say women. No, because that's... Women's just not a problem, because then what, are you going to fuck each other? Yeah. You know? you know women for something for something you're gonna fuck sheep they're probably annoying too yeah i wouldn't know because i don't want to fuck them right right so you can't just bring in women so i narrowed it down to a specific womanly problem and hopefully it won't

be the last oh no i have a feeling there's gonna be lots of The blanks of women I've opened up A whole new category here Women's inability to blank Yeah Yeah Plan ahead Or Drive a car

That's another woman myth Yeah That they need to make plans Like a week in advance Oh no I'm a You know I need to have They always say that

Yeah Oh no I need to have I need to make plans A week in advance Like yeah that's cause You wanna no, I need to make plans a week in advance. Like, yeah, that's because you want to cancel. Yeah. Any plan that you make a week in advance is one that you want to cancel. Right?

Like, I need to make plans a week in advance so I can have something better than that. Yeah. So I know what I'm aiming for that Friday night or that Saturday afternoon or whenever it is, that Monday for lunch. Because the anticipation of canceling it gives them a sexual charge, I think. Yeah. They spend all week going, oh, I can't wait until Friday when I cancel on that guy and don't do the thing I said I was going to do. That's how they are for everything.

Purses, shoes, jobs, men. They want one right away so they can figure out how to replace it. Plans. What are we doing for my birthday? That's your plan? All right. Let me try to find a better one. I'm going one find a way to change that uh bad jannies could have just been jannies i don't know well i think there could be good jannies yeah do we call them jannies though

good ones they all turn bad in the end janny is a bit of a slur they do all turn bad on the time on a long enough timeline all jannies turn to zero i I was in a chat, and the guy, you know, it's a guy who we're not best friends, but I was in his YouTube chat, and his stupid moderator, he goes, can you guys please stop banning Vito? His moderator just keeps banning me. He's gloating about it. I had that problem in my own chat. Do you remember when we were live streaming downtown?

Yeah. And Keemstar came in the chat bringing like a thousand people with him while we were live streaming. And my mod kept banning Keemstar while we were downtown. And afterwards I asked him why. He's like, well, cause everybody was, you know, just talking about Keemstar. Kill yourself. What are you thinking? He's bringing a fucking audience. I was so mad. I was like, whatever. What can I do? LARPing PUAs. I probably could have just called that PUAs, but there's so many things they're doing wrong.

I think that PUAs, there's more to cover there, so I'm glad you narrowed it down. I think that could be revisited. I'm glad that we're going through all the big problems. Yeah, yeah. We're getting all the big ones. Okay. DJ AC Blasting says, I love that every time Vito tries to explain why he's not a stupid liberal he just makes it worse lol i think i've done a great job of explaining myself and my position uh g plastic beach says damn i can't believe it took six

months for veto for the show to get veto to hate women i thought he would have cracked sooner i hate women i hated women it's not that I didn't hate women. Yeah. I just eased into it. You know, the, you have to feel comfortable saying my first problem. I hate when I give it a little bit of time. I saw this woman post on Twitter the other day, like 10 million likes. It was, you know, I've come to, I've just come to the realization after so long of like, did men really hate us like yeah where have you been what did you not have a dad honey what do you mean did you not learn did you not sit you down and have the birds and the bees talk look sweetie the birds hate the bees yeah okay because they're fucking

annoying and they spend all their money uh harry lime says they just want you dead i honestly think this is true once women lose interest in you. Hedgepig, an example of critical thinking. You remember we were talking about critical thinking. That was, wasn't that that Jannie wants to be

a critical thinker? A teacher. Philosopher. A philosopher and a teacher of critical thinking. An example of critical thinking, Hedgepig says, would be learning to recognize

when you're making assumptions. An example of that would be Vito Dick and the fox news host all assuming she meant she wants to be a professor when she only said teach uh this was probably driven by a bias to get the maximum yucks out of the interview yeah that's called a joke yeah wait did we exaggerate for comic effect on a comedy podcast? What are we doing here? We didn't take that seriously. The dog walker

wants to be a teacher. Right. And we said professor, highlighting how far they are away from that goal and how much respect they have. They just want to teach

a local community college about critical thinking. All I guess you would still be a professor there, community class. Okay. Glenn Lentz. Dick Convito, thanks for this, guys.

Friday was one of the worst days of my life. Seeing this pop up really made it worth it. I love you guys. Wow. Yeah, that was a good one. And I responded to him on the YouTube, and I said, you're welcome, Gaywad. Just to do that classic male can't accept a show of, what do you call it, appreciation. Yeah.

We just got to dig right back in. Yeah. Yeah. Because, I mean, what do you want? Yeah. Now I feel weird. I can't say the F slur, but you would normally go, all right, F slur. I love you too.

Harpeet Sanja says, if Vito wants to combat that you voted for this problem, then he should just bring in a problem called the cowardice of Trump. I don't know if I'm ready for that one. I've got enough negative problems on the board as is, but. I would support you in that. Yeah. Yeah. Well, he's done some stuff I know you don't like.

Yeah. COVID. We can't go down that road. Another episode banned Oh my god Alright Do you wanna go Do you wanna go

I'll go first Absolutely Here you go I'll give you a drumroll Cause I wanna use this sound Lovely soundboard more My problem dick is Black creator myths

Oh Now This is not a knock On the black community But a specific aspect Of some portions of the black community. Okay. Wherein they like to claim that they are responsible for pretty much every piece of popular culture ever invented.

Okay. Now, we can give them a couple things. We can give them, you know, Elvis famously stole rock and roll from the black people. I'm sorry, what? You're going straight for Elvis? I'm willing to let him have that one. You're not going to go after Clapton? You're going straight for Elvis?

I'm going straight for Elvis. What did Elvis rip off from black people? No one had ever done this before? No, sir. Roy Orbison didn't? Hey, you know what? If you disagree, then you agree with this problem That I have

I'm just saying That I'm being very generous I'm not saying 100% Do people think that Black people That Elvis stole Elvis from black people People think Elvis stole

Rock and roll From the black community Okay That is one of their Famous claims And I'm saying Okay I'm gonna let you Have that one

I believe that less than black people built the pyramids or spaceships or whatever. That's another one. Black people had a mythical Wakandan like utopia in Egypt that built flying pyramids and yes went to Mars and whatever else.

Did you know that they claimed Beethoven was a black man? I've heard that one. Yeah. So this whole thing yeah did you know that they claimed beethoven was a black man i've heard that one yeah so this this whole thing you go you go listen black guys i love asking for it like what are you doing come on you guys invented some cool stuff some people like jazz rap's pretty good we like that rap music yeah why don't you take the w's and stop trying to own everything because you look silly right oh yeah well this was like do you remember when like chance the rapper said a black woman invented 3d movies no i didn't suck anyway but he said this valerie something invented 3d movies

and has the patent on it right but it's not even like at all no it's not it's not even like if you think about it for a second does it make any sense no of course everyone got all pissed off about it well that's i'm glad you bring up these specific instances because i've brought in one this is probably my favorite example of the black creator myth okay have you ever heard of a woman called sophia stewart aka the mother of the matrix uh oh maybe okay does she claim that she invented she claims that not only did she invent the matrix yeah but also the terminator yeah yes i know this lunatic and what's great about this lady is again the black community is so excited at this idea that they singularly

are too well yes white people are the ones driving this shit there's a there's a bit of that where they were like oh look we're gonna you know overthrow the white patriarchy yeah this black woman she made the matrix and the evil wachowski stole it from her yeah yeah yeah it's a bit of apologism again it's probably the same thing where white people go yeah you guys invented rock and roll sure you know we're hand we're giving them something because white people need to have like one person have done something yeah white culture is like well uh this one guy invented the nuclear nuclear bomb it's like well that's not that's ridiculous but they need like they need that white people need superman it's a specifically white thing i think yeah because it's dumb and they just make up lies

like they they make up lies to support this need like oh santa claus like no one ever talks about his elves right right they're always searching for some way that the the system has screwed them over yeah again the system has screwed over black people but then there's so much like this no well that's the thing is there's so much of this goodwill of yeah you guys have been totally screwed over that like one lady can just show up and say they stole the terminator in the matrix from me and just automatically people are like kind of primed to go oh i can't believe they would do that like the system man yeah yeah as though that's the hard part of making the movie coming up with the, the dumb idea of being in, being video games.

I'm pretty sure everyone had the idea of being in video games. But the worst part is that she's been on all these podcasts. Like, you can go online, The Mother of the Matrix,

and she's on, like, every black podcast, The Root, whatever else they're going. Oh, no, really? That's just what the white establishment does. But nobody has actually

read the book that The Matrix is supposedly based on. Right. And I have the synopsis real quick. I love this. The Third Eye something, right? The Third Eye is the name of the book.

Now, she claims that she saw an ad in a magazine in 1986 asking for pitches for like a comic book competition run by the Wachowskis. She says, in 1986, I sent it off. Meanwhile, Larry Wachowski is like, Ikis she says in 1986 i sent it off meanwhile larry wachowski is like i was in high school in 1986 i was not running national magazine competitions but here's the story well maybe yeah maybe he was this is the story she sent in which she claims both the terminator and the matrix ripped off our story starts with an introduction. Aliens come back to Earth, then leave. And they say, watch the heavens. We will be back. That's the first scene?

She claims in her lawsuit, well, that's Mr. Schwarzenegger's line from the Terminator movie. I'll be back. Is directly lifted from my novel, The Third Eye. There is then aliens come to Earth. There's a distant planet named Makad where people use the third eye. Yeah. There is then a aliens come to Earth. There's a distant planet named Makad where people use the third eye to spread peace and harmony. But an evil super being named Morningstar is banished to Earth until a child is born in a futuristic city called the Dome where the children play space invaders and Pac-Man to become ultra soldiers. That's ripped off from Ender's Game. This is ripped off from the Bible, that a man

is born to a god and then returns. Basically, this child becomes a great leader. He commands a spaceship called the Space Star and uses his powers to defeat the Morning Star. She claims the Matrix. She goes, well, my city was a futuristic computer city, like the Matrix.

So she hasn't even seen the Matrix. You know what? Women also, they don't understand the Matrix. I've watched the Matrix with a woman, and she doesn't understand that they're in a computer sometimes. She's like, where do they get all this clothes? It's in a computer. Do you know that? What do you mean?

This whole thing I find very ridiculous. Again, the- You know how that all started? How? Fake news. Yeah, some- It's like the Utah newspaper ran a story about it. Yeah, it was actually a student newspaper.

That was the funny thing. There was like a student newspaper that ran an article that said, Ms. Stewart has been awarded $3.5 billion in damages. Yeah, she won her case, but she won the appeal to not have it dismissed immediately. Right, that's all she won. And then later she's like, well, I won like a billion dollar judgment. It's like, yeah, against your own lawyer for the attorney fees that he overcharged you for. Lying to you.

Yeah. Conning you into making this preposterous. But she still goes on all these shows and she goes no i own the copyright on the matrix the only thing is that i can't get money from it unless i sell it to them and then i would be selling them the matrix and you're like this bitch is just lying to you nobody needed i mean i i don't know uh there's probably there are a lot of black inventors, but nobody needed already famous things to have been invented by... Like Beethoven. Did you know that was a black guy?

Oh, okay. Yeah, that makes my life so much better. That really sucks for somebody, a black guy who was an actual composer that maybe I would have heard of. Right. Maybe you could have elevated a guy who actually did a thing.

Or, for instance, all these black science fiction writers who are probably coming up with great ideas. Who are still alive. Yeah. Who can benefit now. Yeah. But instead you're giving interviews to this crazy lady who wrote a book about spaceships and she goes, well, the matrix kind of has these things that look like spaceships. Clearly they ripped me off. What about Hamilton? Do you also put Hamilton in this category? I haven't seen Hamilton. Yeah.

So the idea is, what's Hamilton's first name? Anfernee. Anfernee Hamilton? Yeah. They're saying he was black. Can you believe that? Yeah.

No, I tried looking that up. There's really nothing. Yeah, Alexander Hamilton. Yeah. Yeah. There's like some small documents that suggest he might have been black, but it's likeilton yeah yeah there's like some small documents that suggest he might have been black but it's like you have to ignore the hundreds of other documents

to say aaron burr was black too did you know that no i didn't know that black on black crime it really is this tragic this weird yeah black on black crime it really is this weird desire that like they think there's this organized conspiracy what do you mean who's they the good people you know the okay people who think that there is this it's the same as the any conspiracy theories they believe that any historic accomplishments of black people have been erased to benefit oh yeah yeah and you're like look i know that that happened in limited you know numbers i can't think of a good example right now i'm sure it's happened covering up the accomplishments of black

people they're probably just not allowed to go to like get bank loans and go to school and stuff yeah i mean that was probably the bigger problem parents had just had taught he had been taught to read by their parents like that's right how it happened so's just interesting. As I was looking up the Sophia Stewart, as I find, like, these black journalists who go, you know, this is really terrible for the black community because it makes us look stupid as hell. Like, that we just, any lady can show up and say, I own the biggest science fiction franchise in the world,

or one of the biggest, and we just believe her instantly. Yeah. If somebody came to me right now and they said, oh, by the way, I own Star Wars, I would go, you don't. And I don't care which race you claim stole it from you. I've never heard that Banksy's a black guy. Maybe he is.

Maybe he is. Yeah. Well, that's- That would be good. Anonymity. We were talking about the power of that. But yeah, basically, black people, you don black people, you've done a lot of good. It's fun to imagine.

It's fun to imagine. That your people have done all the things and that Wakanda was real and all that. My problem with it is such a very small handful of people have invented these things. How does it help you represent your group they probably hated you right because all these like super nerds grew up and got made fun of by whatever race they are that's who they lived among and they probably got treated like shit well it's always they're fucking nerds when you ascribe an an invention or achievement to a race where you go, well, white people invented penicillin.

I go, no, well, one white guy invented penicillin. You can't say white guys are responsible for all this. It's like we're all human beings. All human beings should share all accomplishments of human beings. We should all go, yeah, we all collectively did this thing. No, only they did it. Everyone who didn't do it are worthless yeah they can go fight in wars and be whole breeding holes i'm saying you can be proud of i can be proud of beethoven or whatever for making great music for all of you man i don't

actually whatever you want yeah whatever but i don't have a particular connection to him based on some weird genetic legacy where we're not connected at all in any way. If there was aliens, then I might feel more proud of ownership of human. Like your alien music sucks. Our music is awesome. Your art sucks. Your version of Picasso is a pedophile.

And ours is cool. Are you assuming version of Picasso is a pedophile. And ours is cool. Why are you assuming the alien Picasso is a pedophile? One of them. Because they're going to have mismatched pedophiles and scandals and stuff. Yeah. I wonder how that works in the alien societies. Anyway, black community. How much do you wonder?

I don't. I don't actually. Depends how far their planet is away from the sun. Yeah. That's how they did The cut off Maybe it's just one trip Well I'm just saying If they're like If they're a pedophile

If you go under 270 years If they're Yeah If they're civilization If you live 10,000 years Yeah You know the age of consent

Is probably 2000 Okay Is that your Is that it Black community I support you I'm sorry we took Rock and roll from you,

but you got to take the wins. Well, what does that mean? I just... We took rock and roll from you. We stole it and we made it better. How did we steal it? Elvis stole it. That annoys me too.

What do you mean you stole music? How the fuck do you steal music from any culture? It's that we stole it. It's that we made all the white performers wildly successful and ignored the black ones. And that was not a nice thing to do. White people in the 50s? Society. We as a society should have elevated performers of both races equally.

Oh, boy. What? You brought in forced diversity in media like two weeks ago. How the fuck is that not forced? What is forced about it? Because you're saying we should have propelled people got exactly what they wanted. No, no, no. That was forced in adversity or whatever the fuck you want to call it.

Because we forced the white people into the spotlight. Who's we? The society. They bought whatever records they wanted to buy No, no, no They bought the records that were pitched to them by the If the marketers in the establishment Had elevated the black artists

Like Sammy Davis Jr. Had stopped pushing them in the back Yeah, well The green book Like the baseball leagues or whatever Fucking, who was the first black baseball player? Jackie Robinson Jackie Robinson.

Jackie Robinson. What happened for the longest time? We had this separation. Some sort of leagues they had. Some sort of league. Some sort of different league. My dad, I'm so sad. My dad used to have this jacket, this jean jacket that had patches for every single historic black baseball league. Why did he have this?

I don't know, but I really wanted that jacket and it's just lost. Edgelord? No, he just, he saw it at a store. It was literally... What kind of store?

I don't know, but it had... A swap meet booth that has the big Nazi flag for historical purposes behind it? It was clearly supposed to be for black people to wear, but it had the N-word all over it. Because it was- The N-E-word.

Yeah, the N-E-word. Oh. And it had every patch. Did Dad wore this? Yeah, I've got to find a picture of him wearing it. How big was he? He was a big guy. He better be.

Yeah. Well, I mean, you're not going to- I'm not big enough to wear that jacket. He had a low center of mass. Let's put it that way. Like a bowling pin? Yeah, like, I mean, you're not big enough to wear that jacket. You're not going to get a low center of mass, let's put it that way. Like a bowling pin? Yeah, like a bowling pin. It was a Homer Simpson-esque appearance.

Yeah, he wore it everywhere. It's just a bunch of black baseball players. Oh, no! It's like the Cincinnati, you know, I can't say any of the names of the teams. The Brown Sox. Oh, they had their rock and roll was ripped off from them. Yeah. How do you rip off like,

ba-doom-do-do-do-do-do-do-do? Like, oh my God, stop, stop, stop. You're ripping off that. I just think you got to give the black community a couple W's in the book. Is this for Black History Month? Yeah, bringing this in? Yes, yes.

Got a whole month. Black History Month. Jesus. Black History Month. Jesus. I'm willing to give you guys rock and roll invented by the black community. Fine, but you can't have the Matrix. That's unreasonable. I'm sorry. You don't think Beethoven could have... Did you not see Bill and Ted?

As soon as Beethoven gets his hands on the proper equipment, he invents modern techno dance music. You don't think Beethoven could have made up some rock? You don't think Beethoven could have invented a history of rock and roll part two? I think he could have because he's black, as we know. So, yes, Beethoven could have done it. A white composer, no.

I think that's what annoys me about it. You're like, oh, they stole it. You don't think any of those classical, you't think 2 000 years of music i don't know why you just let me make this small concession to my black brothers so i don't get beat up later okay i'm trying it's not even a very good concession well i'm trying okay all right happy black history month everyone except sophia stew the liar, the mother of the Matrix. Here's my problem.

The national debt, 30 trillion bucks this week. I will pay that off. Happy. We'll get that done. Do you know what it was? When were you born? I was born in 1980. I was born sometime after that.

After that, it was $1 trillion in 1980. And now it's $30 trillion? That was when I was born. Yeah. $1 trillion. And at that time, it seemed possible. Like, oh, we might pay that off someday. Now it's $30.

Yeah, it's never. So in my life, there's been $29 trillion spent. Does it really? Oh, nothing. Does it feel like? We have accomplished nothing. Does it feel like there's $29 trillion? If you're a millennial.

There's probably some bridges somewhere that are great. Some great bridges. You think they were built by the feds? I don't think so. I think they were built. Fire jets or something. Yeah, yeah. A lot of fire jets.

The Taliban's got some cool stuff. I don't have a cool shit. The Taliban got a lot of Taliban's got some cool stuff. I don't have a cool shit Taliban got a lot of cool stuff in 2000 in the year 2000 maybe when some viewers were born it was it was five trillion Yeah, the last 20 years Wow 15 trillion trillion bucks veto teen true all inflation of course Where is it? I don't know. Where did it go? You know, there's some mores here and there. Yeah, well tell you where I went. I went't know. Where did it go? You know, there were some wars here and there. Well, I'll tell you where it went.

It went to China. We know this. Oh, it went to China. We're spending $7 trillion a year running a deficit. $3 trillion a year we're running a deficit on. Wait, we're spending $3 trillion? $7 trillion, taking in $4 trillion. Deficit of $3 trillion.

So does that mean we add $3 trillion To the debt every year now? Yeah, minimum It's going up How come there's any other sort of How come this isn't like a crime Where the people doing this are dragged Out of their houses and hanged How do we have a society

This is just a house of cards At this point, huh? So there's been $29 trillion spent in my life. Now I get to pay it back. Starting now. Except that's not going to happen, is it? Because it's just going up and up and up. So do economists just admit that money is a fun joke at this point?

No, they think it's good. You'd be hard- hard pressed to find an article on the national debt that's not both sides they want us they want us spending does it what do you call it stimulate the economy i don't fucking know uh 90 90 000 a person that is 240 000 per tax do you pay taxes i do pay you're on the hook for 240k of that money you're saying every year 240k no just total split up between all the taxpayers okay that's how much we each owe 900 million on interest every day every day because of the way because we make the bonds the debt and then give the government the money, we got to pay

interest on those bonds, right? Right. Until they mature in like 20 years. And we're paying that to everyone who owns our debt, like China, right? Yeah. Like China, Japan, the UK. All these guys are playing the right game, which is buying US debt and collecting on it forever.

900 million a day. Yeah. It's just getting burned because the system is dumb. Oh, $900 million. $900 million a day. Yeah. You could think of anything better we could do with that?

I can't think of a... Like, why are people upset about anything else? I really don't get that. Well, that's... Painting Black Lives Matter murals in the street, talking about women's abortions and stuff.

Fucking abort all the babies you want. Let's this out well no what always drives me nuts is the people who go well you know the reason our system is falling apart is these people on welfare these welfare queens who can't getting 1200 a month from the government i go are you fucking retarded who convinced you that that's what's wrong with our economy what are you a moron uh social security here's the real vampire social security uh is a trillion buck medicare medicare is a trillion dollars social security is a trillion dollars a year war is about a trillion dollars the military spending is about a trillion. There's three right there. Some good stuff. Good stuff. The military

spending seems a little much, doesn't it? Oh, you think? Don't you think at some point we could go? I could stand to be a little less free. To be honest, I could stand to be a little less secure in my freedom. Well, we're also just like spending it on stuff. I'm like, just spend it on robots with guns attached to their arms. Like, that's the only thing we need at this point,

right? Sure. Can't we just give them the money? Yeah. Like, here, just take the money. Yeah, and leave us alone. Go away. That does seem like, yeah. How much you want, buddy? How much does Russia want to leave us alone? Half a billion? That was America's plan for the longest time, is we figured we'd just throw enough money at

third world economies, everything would be fine, and then... I think we could get it... Fucking ISIS just shows up with ten guys and takes the whole fucking thing over. Well, ISIS that we made in part of this in an earlier time. We made those tally bands and

we're good at shooting ourselves in the foot. Yeah. I don't know what the government does exactly with this money. It seems like a scam. If this was happening to a man, I would say you're getting fucking scammed somehow. I think it is a scam.

You're getting scammed and you're getting hoodwinked by all these things that aren't problems. You're wasting all your energy arguing with other people about bullshit when these guys are making out with 900 million a day with this funky system they made of printing debt yeah for you that your kids are gonna have to pay off forever at some point the interest is gonna pass the gdp completely right by these things it's gonna be 100 trillion dollars in the next in 2040 i mean my, my feeling is at some point the rest of the world just owns America, right? If we ever stop producing money at a fast enough rate to pay off these debts,

they're just going to come up. They're going to debt collect. The repo man is going to show up. Who's going to make the money? Amazon's going to start making money. There's no more. We'll have Amazon dollars, Amazon coins, or whatever. It annoys me, too.

We're going to have to give China a couple states. They're going to just get North Dakota. I think they have Amazon dollars, Amazon coins, or whatever. It annoys me, too. We're going to have to give China a couple states. Like, they're going to just get North Dakota. I think they have bigger problems. The Chinese? Yeah. I don't know what their national debt is. Well, they don't really have a system. No.

They just kind of make it up. You saw all of China's collapsing because one mortgage company. Yeah, Evergrande. No, was it Evergrande? Yeah. I thought Evergrande was the thing that was stuck in the canal. That was Evergreen. Oh. No, was it Evergrande? Yeah. I thought Evergrande was the thing that was stuck in the canal. That was Evergreen. Oh.

Well, I guess I just hear Ever. And Evanescence was a band. Oh, right, Evanescence. Yeah, Evergrande defaulting on all their shit. Evanescence wanted me to wake up inside. Was that it? I think so. I don't know.

I can't imagine a worse problem than this. Than the size of the national dead. Would you say this is the biggest problem? I would say it of the national debt. Your quality of... Would you say this is the biggest problem? I would say it's the biggest problem perhaps in the universe.

I think even where you live, you don't live in America, it's going to affect you. Right. But you probably have national debt as well. It affects your quality of life in ways that you probably

can't even properly identify. Well, your life would be so much better if it were not for... It should be zero. Your government blowing money on the stupidest shit. Like, why life would be so much better if it were not for It should be zero. Your government blowing money on

the stupidest shit. Like, why do they get to spend a dollar they don't have? I don't, we don't get to do that. You ever hear about how we just,

there's some factory just making tanks and the army has said, please stop making tanks. And the congressman whose district the tank factory in said,

fuck you, we're making tanks forever. Because if we get rid of this factory, I'm not getting elected again. There goes all our jobs. And you go, what jobs? They're not jobs. It's just money. We're literally building tanks for a war that isn't happening

for an army that does not want them so that one congressman can keep his job. And that's probably, I don't know, hundreds of millions there. That should be every politician should run on that it's gotta be zero just gotta be zero employees free money again give them just welfare rather than this they have to have a job so they have to throw all this money at tank production yes i would rather that take everybody in that factory and we'll give them a salary for the rest of their life and we'll shave x millions of dollars off the national debt by doing so. All the generals on TV, seven of them.

Does there really need to be seven guys? Right. Can we make it six? Come on. Work with me here. Like, actually, we're making it eight. Of course. Yeah, well, you got to get a transgender woman in there.

So they got to make room for her. I see guys arguing on on twitter about like oh there are militaries not going to be macho anymore it's getting a bunch of like soy boys and ladies in there you're worried you're so you're worried about who is in there not not the number not the number of excessive number of people and the stupid amount of ordinance work and the cost of health care is skyrocketing like why's like, why? What do you mean? How come everything else goes down? You guys are doing this on purpose

because it's a scam. We live in a nightmare, Dick. We really do. That's my problem. The national... Happy 30th. Happy 30th. We will see... I think we'll see a thousand trillion in our lifetimes. I think we'll see it in the next five years thousand trillion In our lifetimes I think we'll see

In the next five years Based on the way The fucking government Is printing money Yeah It's all an illusion It's all going up in smoke Speaking of smoke

Dick I want to go on To my next problem Okay Now before I get Into this problem I want to give you A couple little stants

Okay Tobacco use Is the leading Preventable cause of death in the united states did you know that yeah wow more than more than i thought thank you for smoking more than obesity yeah my god cigarette smoking causes about one out of every five deaths in the united states that's crazy yeah one of every five deaths One in every five deaths? One in every five deaths. That's more than 480,000 deaths annually. Now, maybe it's contributing to other factors.

Maybe it's not necessarily the smoking. Yeah. You know, heart disease, cancer, all sorts of things. Oh, it's all caused by... Well, if you're a tobacco smoker, it raises your risks. You can't say the smoking directly caused it, but it's still... So one out of five people who die are smokers? Yes. I would say our

smokers is probably the thing. Okay. Is it smoking? Are you bringing in smoking? Hold on. Sounds like a big problem. Hold on. Now 200,000 of these deaths are women. That's good. 280,000 are men. That's rough. That's not worth it.

That's not good. But here's worth it. That's not good. But here's the real problem. 10 to 1, I'll take. Here's the real problem, Dick. Yeah. Smoking's too cool. Yeah. My problem is smoking is too cool. Okay.

How can we stop smoking? Even me, as a non-smoker, now I will participate in perhaps sharing a toke at a party. What do you mean? Sharing a cigarette or a weed? Well, a marijuana cigarette, perhaps, which is not as deadly, but the smoke could still cause some. We can? I don't think it's deadly at all.

Because there's not a bunch of tar. No, it's not nearly as anything. But I think you can get some minor health risks. Maybe. But I'll enjoy a cigar. Put asbestos in it, though. At a party, maybe like a cigar or something like that,

you know? Okay. But even me as a non-smoker, I look at these smokers and I go, God, that just looks so fucking cool. No wonder people

fucking smoke. There's nothing you can do about it. You can give me all these stats, dick. 480,000 deaths. One in five deaths. I don't care. And I go, yeah, but it's just so... One in five deaths. I don't care.

And I go, yeah, but it's just so... It's worth it. It's so awesome. Yeah. You know, you're a Mad Men fan. I love Mad Men. How often are they smoking

in that show? Like every scene. Every scene. It's all old school cool. It's so cool. You could think about what you're going to say when you're smoking.

Yeah. Somebody says... It gives you something to do. What are you, an idiot? You're like... Thinking about something to say and then it looks like you. Somebody says, it gives you something to do. What are you, an idiot? You're like, thinking about something to say and then it looks like you were just delayed

by the cigarette while you were figuring out what to say. There's a level of sophistication to it. There really is. Yeah. And there's a level

of rebelliousness. Like, oh, look, the rest of us are not emitting any sort of fumes into the general area. This man, Yeah, I'm poisoned. Is poisoning our entire space.

You can take girls outside with a tool. You want to go outside and have a smoke? Next thing you know. To offer people. You go up to a girl at a bar and you go, you want a pack of gum? I don't want a fucking pack of gum. You can't lure women outside

under any other pretext. You want to go check out some YouTube videos on my phone outside? You want to take a hit off my vape pen? No. You want to go check out some YouTube videos on my phone outside? You want to take a hit off my vape pen? No. You want to smoke? Absolutely. I hate those vape pens.

Well. Those are for addicts, though. Like, that's, vape pens are pathetic. Just smoke. Like a man. I mean, you'll look a lot cooler. No, I'm not a vapor. I did buy a vape pen for that one video, that Belle Delphine thing.

Yeah. And I did start to get addicted to the nicotine. I was like. You did? Yeah, I was like, oh, I understand how this works. It's like you puff on it and then you put it down and you go, I don't want to do that again. Well, the worst thing about. The nicotine is real.

The worst thing about the e-cigarettes is it's like an entire like if you're smoking cigarettes yeah they're self-limiting because you have to go outside and you have to light it up again you have to pause and think about your life even if you don't have to go outside like when you're done with one you gotta think like okay yeah have i had maybe too many cigarettes with the e-cigarettes it's a whole pack and a half and a pen you sit there pounding it to sucking it down all day. Like, what the fuck? This thing's out. It's like, that's a whole

pack and a half of cigarettes, dude. Yeah, vaping, it does look ridiculous. I think they made it look ridiculous on purpose because maybe that's their way of trying to get people not to vape.

No, because they want them to vape. I don't know. But cigarettes are too cool is your problem? Yeah, well, the problem is that it's leading to all these deaths because of how fucking cool it is.

If it wasn't cool, less people would die. die yeah but then it wouldn't be worth the death i'm saying that the deaths are a problem but the deaths only exist because of how cool it is if smoking wasn't cool like cigarettes should be like bright pink and like a tampon yeah and they have a little string it should say on the side of every cigarette like i'm a retard and then people would stop that's what they should do you know they have those cigarette packages that say like you know in other countries with all the warnings i hate n words like die hard three and then it says yeah see how much you like smoking now cigarettes looked like little penises.

Like we made it and on the side of it, it said, I smoke cocks. It said, this is a baby penis. Yeah. This is a baby penis. Three years old. That would solve it though, right? No. Because you go, I'm not going to buy it.

They're still addicted. It would solve all the best parts. Like it would stop me from smoking. If I had to smoke little baby penises It would stop me Women would no longer want to go outside Smoke a baby penis Right So I

Who am not at risk of dying Would not smoke But people who are addicted Would still smoke baby penises So that actually Not a problem Here's the thing I think teenagers would not get started

And that's important Teenagers would think it's ironic and funny To smoke baby penises Because they're dumb Hey dude check it out I'm smoking a baby penis What? I hate n-words

Well that's the problem you run into No matter what it's cool It's cool no matter what you do But the coolness is the best part No the coolness It's the death that Yeah but the coolness is No it's not the best part though

It's the worst part because it leads that's like saying alcohol makes you drunk yeah the drunkness is the best part it's a complicated mind puzzle we're going through right yeah well it's your problem well my problem is because it's not, the smoking deaths are a problem. Yeah. But I'm saying the real core issue. Is that it's too cool. Is that it's so cool.

Well, what do you want to make ads about how it shouldn't be cool? Yeah, we should say like smoke. They tried that. No, no, no. They spent 20 years trying that shit and none of, oh, the only one that worked was that bitch with the hole in her throat. Yeah. Well, they didn't try hard enough. I would have made my ad campaign smoking is gay.

And it would just be A bunch of gay guys A bunch of gay guys Oh man, I can't wait Smoking two cigarettes at a time Yeah, two guys just come over Wearing jack straps with a big cigarette As a dildo

And the guy's just taking puffs off of it Guys smoking and guys are beating off right in his face And coming all over his mouth in a cigarette Exactly Brought to you by the anti-smoking Brought to you by anti-smoking and guys are beating off right in his face and coming all over his mouth and a cigarette. Exactly. Brought to you by the anti-smoking. Brought to you by anti-smoking. Truth.org. Truth.org.

Smoking is gay. I think that would have worked because the kids would go, oh, I don't want to smoke. Yeah. You know, like gay kids would want to smoke, but there's not that many of them. They want to do poppers. Yeah. They want to do poppers in part. They do enemas.

MDMA enemas. Well. Yeah. You got to do poppers and party. They do enemas. MDMA enemas. Well. Yeah. You got to get cleaned up, I guess. What about for women? I don't know. We want the women to die. That's not a problem.

200,000. If I could take these 480 and make it all women. They just show the commercial is a big, like, you think Godzilla's coming and all these chicks are like, oh my God, whoa. And then look over and there's a big fat lady smoking. Like, oh, where's my parliaments? It's like smoking is for fat chicks. Yeah.

And then they would, uh. All right. Well. Smoking's too cool, dick. If only. We don't have enough. If only we could make it less cool. We don't have very many cool things.

We really don't. I know, but couldn't we find some cool things that don't give you cancer and lung disease and whatever else? Like what? You want to make gummy bears cool? Speed running is cool. What else is cool? Can you not smoke on Twitch? I don't know. Probably not. There's no way you could smoke. Twitch is very

Puritan. So that is I guess if there's anything that would make parents pissed off about Twitch and get rid of the girls in the hot tub shit, it would be seeing somebody lighting up on Twitch going like, What's up, kids? I'm fucking speedrunning Mario Odyssey today and smoking is badass. Smoking is so cool.

Yeah, I wonder if it's banned. Actually, I did have a stat where some people thought that like tobacco use is banned in films or whatever, but it's not uh well no people not banned all the time right but disney has uh now has zero percent smoking in all their films great there was a decreased market back but there was like a certain period of time when i said the early 2000s when the anti-smoking thing was really going yeah and smoking use went down uh crazy amounts but on-screen tobacco use has actually jumped 57% from 2010 to 2018.

Look at all these stats you got. And the most marked jump was in PG-13 biographical dramas at 233%. What's that? That means like

Twilight, probably that kid smokes a cigarette. Remember when Harry Potter smokes a big ol' cigarette and then he goes, I'm gonna go fuck up that Voldemort or some shit.

Like shit like that. Voldemort smokes too. Voldemort smokes. Yeah. Everybody smokes. You know what? You know what? I watched

I rewatched the original Ghostbusters recently. They're smoking in there. Yeah. Well that's the thing. In the containment unit. What's uh God what

Dan Aykroyd Yeah. Who's like the goofiest chubbiest you know chubby guy whatever. Yeah. At the end of the movie

after the Ghostbusters have like saved the city, he's just got a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. And I go, this is the coolest motherfucker I've ever seen in my life. That's all it takes is one cigarette. It's cool to be a little bit high. To elevate a man. Because you can't have like a tenth of a shot of tequila. Yeah.

You can have one cigarette. Right. But you can't have like, oh, I'm just going to lick out of this. There we go. I'm a little alcohol. Also, you know, you get to bring a little fire everywhere you go. What other activities do you get to do? Where else do you get to just start a little fire all day long?

You're making it sound great. No, it's cool. Yeah. It should be less cool, but what do we do? We can't do anything about it. You're going to make it illegal then. No, no, no. Then that's really cool. Then it be less cool, but what do we do? We can't do anything about it. You're going to make it illegal then. No, no, no. Then that's really cool.

Then it's super cool. Then everybody wants to do it. All right. Smoking is too cool, Dick. Smoking is too cool. Okay. Mine's the seatbelt alarm. That's a good one.

I should have brought that one in. Oh, man. Oh, man. You struggle with this issue? Mine goes off constantly. Because you're sitting in it. Because you're sitting in it. And you don't have it on. Sometimes the alarm, I'll

acquiesce and put it on. But I'll be on a phone call in the car and someone goes, what's that beeping in the background? I go, oh, I've just learned to tune it out. You know what? I've driven with some women who, that's part of their personality. That they don't wear the seatbelt and they just deal with the beeping.

Yeah. And it made me want to just beat them against the window. Were you like, put on the seatbelt or I'm going to kill myself? Yeah, put on the fucking seatbelt. I get this cute part of your personality. It's just instantly making you, instantly makes you hate the person you're with in your car if that thing beeps one time. Yeah. It's so annoying.

I think it's the most annoying sound in the world. It's more annoying than the alarm clock that wakes you up because you got to get up. Yeah. It's more annoying than a busted smoke alarm because that thing's trying to save your life and it's not that hard. You only have to fix it every couple months We now do nothing to save lives I don't need a reminder

To wear my seatbelt I will put it on When I've got settled And I've got my stuff in When I'm ready to go I don't need a reminder From between my driveway And down the street

Well I need the reminder Cause I just driveway and down the street, okay? Well, I need the reminder because I just won't do it. And then I just don't do it anyway. And then I will be driving around with people and they go, are you going to put on your seatbelt? And I go, eh. Oh, my God. I'm not really a seatbelt guy.

Don't ever do that to me. Oh, really? That'll drive you nuts? I'll cut your seatbelt and throw that thing out the window. Why can't they just... Well, you know what the real move is, is to just cut off the end part and stick it in the thing. No belt.

But then that's even harder to get the little thing and put it in. Maybe you can buy an aftermarket one. Maybe I can get one from the haunted, you know, aftermarket parts. I want just the thing to plug in. No, you can buy one that's also a bottle opener. Oh, really? Yeah, for your road sodas. Fantastic, yeah.

I read, I got a little backstory on the seatbelt alarm. It's one of the things I hate most in life. Is it a law? Yeah, it's a law. It's a national highway thing. So I don't know if it's a law, but you can't have your car on the road. I hate these mani states.

Tesla just recalled like a million cars because it wasn't going off. No, like 800,000. Oh, really? A lot. Like all the cars they ever made. Yeah. It's not accurate.

If you have a dog back there, it beeps. If you have two fat guys, my girlfriend had two fat guys in the back of her car. They were triggering the middle one. Like, well. Or if you just like, like I've picked up a heavy thing and put it in my passenger side thing. And then it's like, I can't get the McDonald's order. Here we go. One of my big old famous Giswoldy McDonald's orders.

And then I'm like, I can't get the strap around this 20 Big Macs. It comes from a June 1960 issue of Popular Science magazine where a guy by the name of Wes Jane from Woodhaven, New York, invented this and wrote a letter in. And you'll never guess whose fault it was that we have this accursed invention in our lives. His fucking wife wouldn't wear her seatbelt yeah and he got tired of arguing with her and telling her to wear the seatbelt

he made an alarm for his own car just he made his own wife yes that would say fasten your seatbelt yeah and make a siren when it's when he's we've sent in the diagram to in case any men out there wanted to similarly terrorize. A diagram? You were supposed to install it yourself? Yeah, popular science. They would send in all kinds of diagrams. Did he have a weight thing in the seat, or did he have a switch?

He had a switch in the seat that would trigger it and then begin screaming at his wife. Only then. What a nightmare. Was it a black man who created this? Because maybe... Yeah. Did a white person take responsibility? You want this one, black people?

You want to invent this, the most hated invention in the world? Take it for Black History Month. Ten years I have used safety belts in my car, but each time we went for a ride, I had to tell my wife to fasten her belt. She is a most stubborn person and uses all kinds of excuses for not doing so. This is the inventor of this awful thing.

1960s. Yeah. I have finally won. Couldn't you just hit her back then until she did it? This guy made a hitting machine. Yeah. These drawings, I have finally won. These drawings show how.

The system tells her to put the belt on. It works like magic every time. It saves arguments. The little reminder consists of a light, the word safety belt, a buzzer, two cunningly wired snaps, which sounds like a Sherlock Holmes villain. Just reach over and slap her across the face

and say, put your seatbelt on. When my wife gets into the front seat beside me, her weight trips a normally open snap switch under her seat. Two things happen. First, a doorbell buzzer begins sounding behind the dash, attracting my wife's attention toward it. Second, in the opening,

where the clock is usually mounted, the words safety belt are illuminated by a lamp behind the dash. What a lunatic. This guy is nuts. Did you spend like weeks on this? Probably. Surely there must have been.

I didn't know we could automate women like this. Yeah. Well, they are like dogs. I mean, you just give them a Pavlov response. this probably surely there must have been i didn't know we could automate women like this yeah well they are like dogs i mean you just give them a pavlov response and uh they'll get there they see a buzzer enough times yeah uh they know to put that damn belt on well that's my problem american cars did not have a similar system until the 70s um where is it i said 1974 vehicle safety codes that are... I'm surprised that it was... So, when did it become a law?

Do we know? I want to say it was recent. I want to say it was like the 90s. Yeah, I think it was. Because it wasn't around when I was a kid. When I was a kid, I remember not... Well, eventually. It wasn't on my last car, and that was from 2002.

Really? I want to say it was like 98, 99, around that time. Yeah, it could be crazy, though. Maybe it was the 2000s. I don't know. I wasn't sure if it was a law, though, or just something where all these automakers got together, and they're like, ah, let's just annoy the shit out of people. Look, we need to draw the line on this and the National Dead.

There's got to be some way to turn it off. That's what I don't know. Is it in the computer? Can I access the car computer? Yeah, you could hack in there. Let me hack it. I'm going to get all my Black Matrix buddies and they're all going to go

hacking in. In Die Hard, the computer guy was a black guy. That's true. Miles Dyson. Yeah. Again, another computer guy was a black guy that's true Miles Dyson yeah no Miles Dyson was Terminator again another

computer guy black guy there was there was a trend of black computer guys I think in the 80s yeah I think it was

you knew that they knew their shit yeah yeah yeah if you saw a black guy with glasses have you ever seen I was watching Curb recently do you ever see

the Curb episode where uh what's his black roommate? Basically, his black roommate, he goes, you should try wearing glasses. I think just, you see a black guy with glasses, you want to give him the world. And he tries it. And basically, a black guy with glasses, every time he goes in any situation, they're like, oh, after you, sir, of course.

And you're like, oh, really? Yeah, that is true. Because you see a black guy with glasses, you're like, oh, this guy's got to be like a professor or an academic or a, I don't know what it is i don't know i i know a lot of black guys with glasses i think i wonder if the black community typically avoids getting their eyesight checked i would think that due to historical mistreatment from racist optometrists okay and uh they make them spell stuff yeah it's no no no can you see can you read this one it's like k k yeah okay little things set up they oh

let me bring out the black chart get out g e t yeah get out n i g okay hold on leaving the optometrist they have a green book okay, that's my problems National debt and the speed seatbelt alarm Mine are the Black Raider myth And smoking is too cool Okay, let's do some voicemails Let's do it Go to patreon.com slash biggest problem To support the show

Please do Biggestproblem.show To vote on the problem Inflation is hitting us hard Here on Biggest Problem And the national debt is draining us I should have made six bucks Should have made six bucks

For the bonus episode Which we gotta record next week or something Well you can't raise it now I don't think Patreon lets you raise the No you gotta make a new one You gotta make a whole new tier But then people are on it Stay on it forever

Yeah When I first got hired at my job Now you got to make a new one. You got to make a whole new tier. But then people are on it, stay on it forever. Yeah. When I first got hired at my job, it took me eight hours to do all the bullshit processes that they had for me to do. And then I started to make them more efficient, make them better. And it got down to where I was working about two and a half hours to do what it took the

previous person eight hours to do in a day. And then I made the biggest mistake in the universe, which is telling my boss. Oh, you fucking idiot! What are you doing? Eight hours. Oh, no!

Okay, so I do graphic design, right? Oh, God. It takes weeks. Oh, it takes weeks. Yeah. Oh, I can't get that. I'm still working on it. Can I get that in a PNG?

Oh, I'll put it on the list, I guess. Here's what happens is they hire another graphic designer, and he comes to me, and he goes, hey, I did all this in like two, three days, and I want to reach through the computer and beat him around the head. And I go, you dumb motherfucker. Our only thing on earth is to go, yeah, you know, I'm working on that poster. You know, I moved a couple graphics around,

added some drop shadows. It's probably going to take another two weeks. Stretch it out a little bit. My God. You're making me look bad. They're paying you for your skills, not your speed, my friend. So thanks for fucking that up, guy.

I would love to see your workflow. My workflow is great. Browsing eBay. Yeah, exactly. Looking on Pornhub, checking out what's going on. Speaking of which, I owe Dick a fucking graphic for the show, which is, you know, I'm working on it. It's been taking a couple months.

It's been, what, two months about to make one graphic? That's normal. Made a great intro for the show. Hey, Dick. Hey, Vito. Let me fucking tell you what the biggest problem in the universe is. Okay. Fucking, not just robots, right?

Like I was about to just say, fucking automatic, you know, the robots, the ants, the phone, the people. Because I don't know why. I think you know what I mean, hopefully. for people because i don't know why i think you know what i mean hopefully listen here listen listen okay you know when you're like trying to call like i don't know the people you get your internet from isp and then it's just like hello this is an automated second please press one for this thing this's a great explanation sitting there shouting into the phone like god i don't want to fucking do this again yeah to a real person and then it's like

sorry please tell me what your problem is and then you then you can't do anything you shouted it until it can't understand you and it's forced to put you online with a person but recently yeah i had to call my isp because i didn't have enough money to i didn't have enough money that's a bummer yeah not enough money i guess that's a big problem the date a little bit uh-huh so i go to do that and then they're like, sorry, we cannot pay. We cannot, uh, we can't, our agents cannot help you pay your bills. I don't think speaking with a human is going to help you,

sir. I think this is why they invented the automated problem. I need to change my card as well. I need to change my card. Maybe change the date. Imagine the operators as bad as him. Every time I called, they're like, we're sorry. Agents can't help you pay your bills.

I just want to change my fucking card. They're fucking pre-programmed with what they think can help you. And it never fucking turns out to be the right thing. You'll always be shouting. You can just press zero. You don't need to shout. The goddamn robot on the other fucking line. People don't always have the same fucking problem.

Is that a drink sloshing sound? This is the biggest problem in the universe. Oh, okay. Phone trees. Phone robots. Phone robots. Yeah. No, I do. I do. in the universe oh okay phone trees phone robots phone robots yeah no i do i do uh i'll get on those things and i'll just yell connect me to a human please oh you yell at them well not yell well because well sometimes they have a human monitoring the line what yeah

i think sometimes they're like listening to your responses because you'll be like I need to speak to a receptionist You think a human is listening secretly on some of them? I think so. What the fuck? Yeah, just talking about well just because like they're like Oh if they don't understand the prompts and they keep just saying like they got a human they're secretly listening in going like hey What's up, buddy? either that or it's programmed to recognize responses because usually if I keep just saying, I need to do this thing, and they're like, please use the touchtone,

I go, I need to change my account. Eventually it goes, let me connect you to somebody. How many people do you think are secretly listening? It could just be automated. On your phone calls. Maybe I'm crazy. Do they listen to many at the same time? Like, do they listen for the sound of a human voice

and then they go, boop, boop, boop, boop, and dial in on that line. I don't know maybe I'd have to ask a call center. I hope you're right I could be well You know you ever do those ones where it's clear that somebody's like pressing on a sound board to make a robot say stuff No, have you ever gotten a call from a robot and they go hi? This is Sally with whatever and you are you a robot and then there's a pause and they go I'm not a robot I'm not a robot.

I'm not a robot. What? You've never gotten that. I wouldn't think a human's doing that. Yeah. I think a computer is listening for words. Listening and parsing it. Processing it.

Yeah. I think it's so that people in Indian call centers who like have thick Indian accents. Instead of going, they got a soundboard. Yeah. They just have a soundboard that they are picking the pre-recorded responses from. Wow. I bet you're right.

That's cheaper than language processing. Yeah, and then your responses are all ready to go and they sound in a nice English white lady voice as opposed to, this is Jadesh from Microsoft. We need you to send PayPal gift card right now. Where are you from? Dallas, Texas.

Yeah. Really? They've done that. They have a specific accent from Dallas. This is Michael. Hello. Yeah. I am calling.

All right. Hey, Dick and Vito. Hey. I wanted to comment on this Joe Rogan thing going on. Okay. It brings to my mind what is the biggest problem in the universe. I call it blank is the Wild West. Oh.

Here is a real headline from The Guardian. Joe Rogan is just one rogue in podcasting's Wild West. Wild West. They never call something the Wild West. Unless they're planning on regulating it. I guess that's the point. A few months tops before you have to have a license. To podcasting?

I wonder what they want to do there the wild way how are they gonna how are they gonna regulate that shit well biden's cancel culture is weighing in didn't the white house say something about they want to crack down on joe rogan oh they said yeah i hope that streaming services cracked biden say that or did somebody like his press secretary say that you think they snuck it past him i don't know i didn't read it sleeping or something so that's not his fault it was probably didn't vote for that it said it came from biden's white house it could have been kamala it could have been like a some sort of you think biden's like joe rogan's awesome what did he say do you know so it was something like vetoes voted for this yeah i know

he always says that he looks me directly in the eye and he says you voted for this buddy it was asking it was asking it was asking it's a whole ice cream cone and sniffs a hundred children here i'll look it up boy listen to this one yeah vito's still a fucking idiot thank you you got tricked into voting for biden i didn't get tricked oh you can't blame me bullshit if you didn't want to get blamed you should have voted for a third party or you shouldn't have voted you got fucking hoodwinked that's what happened just admit it you're happy with biden what did he do what am i supposed to be mad about him about afghanistan or whatever or where is it iran uh jen pisaki see he didn't say it it was fucking his little press secretary i was right

so the press secretary you didn't vote for if she says she says she urges further action on joe rogan and quote more can be done yeah saki says spotify disclaimer is welcome but the platform could actually fight misinformation so that's not coming from biden to you that's just that's just this bitch that got a job and is running her mouth. Women run their fucking mouth. What? That's a problem in itself. Women running their mouth.

I bet Biden's sitting there and he's going, bitch, I don't give a fuck what Joe Rogan does. So if anything happens, it's her fault. It's her fault, it's Jen Psaki. And nobody voted for her, so it's no one's fault. Why does everybody think that I regret voting for Biden? I don't.

Because he's like King Cancel Culture. Okay, but he's better than Trump. How? To me. Why? Because Trump lied to everyone about a stolen election, which is fucking nuts. He didn't do that until year four. He still did it.

That's insane. Why do you think that's insane? Why don't you bring in the big lie then? We brought in the insurrection on the bonus episode the big lie the big lie anything's better than a guy again biden is just better than trump but they overturned they said pennsylvania was unconstitutional okay so the supreme court of pennsylvania said yeah the way you you made the way you let that election happen is unconstitutional and if we go to all those voters and we have them vote again,

what do you think is going to happen? Most of them will go, what is an election? They'll go, what is this? I don't understand what you're doing. Vote, what's that? I've never voted in my life. This was a fake vote. And you say, well, just read it.

And they say, I can't read. That's what will happen if you go to most of them. I think a lot of people voted under the system they were given. Most of them will go, what's a signature? I don't know. I can't. I don't know how to write. Oh, God. You think if... So you think the problem, if we go back to all of those people and say...

Hey, you need to vote with the constitutionally approved process. They will all vote the exact same as they did at the time. What if you find somebody that... Maybe a couple people have changed their minds since then. What about women voting? We can ask, did you mean to vote for Biden, but you used this unconstitutional process? And they'll go, oh yeah, but at the time, you told me it was fine.

You make it sound like anytime there's a little hiccup in the system, all the votes are fake. Yeah. They're not fake. Then where did the $30 trillion get spent? Which $30 trillion? That's in the national debt, if it wasn't done by a bunch of criminals. Yeah. So then what were those criminals doing with the illegal voting then?

You don't think the Republicans are part of the criminal enterprise? For all I know, they fucking orchestrated it themselves. You don't know. Yes. I don't know. I think they wanted to get Trump out too. Okay. That's why they were like, eh, I mean, eh, I guess they wanted to get Trump out too. Okay. That's why they were like, I mean

I guess he's right seems a little shady but man Trump's kind of a dick. I like that button gay I'd hang out that guy. I want to do I want to do the desert the unconscionable means nothing I want to do math with hunter. I think he's probably fun. I Love those buttons. Yeah, I've have you seen his art no that's not the art of a fun man he's kind of a weirdo huh he's not weird enough he's making like art like uh somebody who's retired and like takes up art has no skill they just throw paint all over the canvas w bush well here or like jim carrey a lot of these famous Jim Carrey Very bad I didn't want that to be

A political thing It's just George Bush's paintings Are famously terrible But he's trying to make He's trying to paint something Yeah Some dogs there

In a tree or whatever Yeah Hunter Biden's like Oh look at how emo This is a pattern That pattern sucks dude Alright Here you go

Rich kids never make good art. This is Alec from Kansas. Zito, do not let them take this whole, you voted for this shit. Don't get me wrong. I voted for Trump in 2016. I got caught up in the hype.

But no one gave me any shit when Trump gave in to Megacorporation and said corporations you voted for this when boom you know he ran up on a platform other than that and he did that shit okay what did he do fully pull out of the wars that he said he was going to no one gave me shit for you know you vote for this no he did do that do not take any shit. You voted for this on platforms. Yeah, nobody does this to you Trump guys. I didn't vote for Biden.

They call us Nazis. They say you're a white supremacist because you voted for Trump. Do not take any shit, though. On the whole, you voted for this thing. I'm not doing that. Thank you. And you know you're right. Thank you.

Thank you. Best caller ever. Finally, somebody gets it. Even if you are wrong. They get trenched so fucking deep they can't move you. Pick up yourself a little bit here. Thank you. Best caller ever. Finally, somebody gets it. Even if you are wrong, dig a trench so fucking deep they can't move you. Hell yeah. You can be right, or you can be stubborn enough to not be wrong.

All right, I don't know if he's trolling me now. Thank you, I think. I don't know either. Let's do some super chats, Dick. Spider Eternal for five says, Making black people believe many inventions and use today were stolen from them so is a deep resentment in their hearts it's insidious insidious well he spelled it in a colorful way and divides us see that it's

insidious i'm reading i'm sorry you know yeah that was rude of me it is insidious insidious that's what he said but this show has a real problem with rude of me. It is insidious. Insidious. That's what he said. You know what? This show has a real problem with that word. Does it? It used to be insidious. Insidious. Now it's insidious. I'm just saying it's very insidious what they're doing to the black people.

Didn't know words that he used. Oh, is that a host who previously did that? Yeah, I knew. He would say insidious, like a deciduous tree. No one knew where he got that from. Insidious. It is very insidious. It's super insidious like a deciduous tree no one knew where he got that from insidious it is a very insidious it's super insidious to encourage this sort of division division is a major problem you know it wasn't a big problem when i was a kid i don't think i remember growing up yeah i didn't have any problem with any kids of any colors i don't remember always like having

all these inventions and stuff like I remember being like it seems unfair that these Asian kids keep getting all the the top math scores but other than that okay you know you learn to accept it

ah here we go Autonomous Prime says hey Dick there's a guy named Owl Lizard who has dirt on a guy you brought on the show oh

and how his story is a lie and he's a known liar Blacklight really he had a good story yeah I didn't know I hope it wasn't a lie and he's a known liar. Black Light? Really? He had a good story. Yeah, I didn't know.

I hope it wasn't a lie. Black Light might be a liar. Dick, that's something you have to- Well, I don't like saying stuff like that when, you know. Yeah, well, that's why I wrote his name out, but then you said it, so. Oh, yeah. Sorry. I specifically tried to skip over it. Man, that's two misses for me tonight.

You're nailing the super chat thing, buddy. I tell you what. Mike Hunt for five says the biggest problem in the universe is the invention of the printing press. It leads to people online knowing everything about pathogenic viruses. Information is bad. My girlfriend was talking about the printing press recently for some reason. She goes, did you know that it took, the first printing press, it took them 200 pounds.

They would have to push down to make a print. Isn't that a lot? And he said, well, I'm 200 pounds. What are you? Yeah.

It's just a guy pressing down. Yeah. Which I'm sure they quickly invented a lever. And she goes, nevermind, nevermind, nevermind.

Say that. She goes, nevermind, I didn't say anything. I'm out of here. Ignore me. Mike Hunt for five. Million Dollar Extreme's Charles Carroll would be a great guest.

He was on Thought Cops, too. He may be doing an Andy Kaufman thing, or he is really crazy. All right. Send him over. Perry Light Ghost with a big 20 on the board says early rock music was based off the chords from the blues, which was culturally created by enslaved people. Well, there you go. These chords are called tritones,

which were banned by the Catholic Church as it was considered the devil's tritone. So then the church knew about it and banned it? Yeah. The white people stole it. I guess the church, it's just like, the church calculated it in the basement and then said, we're banning these, and no one ever fucking used it.

Do you not understand the point here? It's the same 12 notes that have always existed forever. Thank you for inventing rock and roll, black people. This is a problem with knowledge. Happy black history month. Right there. Why can't you just let them have this one? It drives me nuts.

It's black history month. They invented these chords. What do you mean? They invented, do you know that John... Go listen to some classical music. Have you looked up the historical contributions of George Washington Carver? The peanut guy? A hundred different peanut recipes.

Not peanut butter. Not peanut butter. Peanut lube. If you look up the recipes, most of them, you're like, who the fuck would eat that? One of his inventions is like flicking peanuts at a guy. He's like an intention getting machine with peanuts the more i read about george washington carver the more i don't like him uh he really thought peanuts were going to be like a staple of the american diet he didn't know about big peanut yeah well he did he went to congress and he said he's like they're a superfood and here's 100 peanut recipes we're

all gonna eat peanut soup for the rest of our lives. And then they said, really? Yeah, boiled peanuts. Look up George Washington Carver's hundred peanut recipes. They all sound fucking terrible. He thought peanuts were a superfood? He thought that peanuts were going to be like the new staple. It was going to be

our rice. He didn't know about big corn. I bet corn fucked it up. Corn destroyed him. Yes. Oh, God. We could have a peanut-based economy right now. Instead of everyone getting fat as fuck eating high fructose corn syrup. Because nuts are way better for you than corn. No shit. Big corn fucked over Jordan.

Now that's a movie I want to see. You should look up, you know, now that I think about it, yeah, you should look it up. All these recipes and Congress was on board. And then I bet the corn lobby snuck in there and they went, hey, listen, this black guy, you really want him coming up with ideas? Why don't you have some good old white corn, which we stole from the Native Americans? Nobody tells Trump voters that you voted for this. Yeah, they just call us white supremacists. Yeah, well, because you are.

Mike Hunt for Five says biggest problem in the universe is Dallas Buyers Club, a man trying to sell Medicaid, I assume he means medication, with horse dewormer and bleach. Self-Medicate. Oh. I got that one. Trying to self-medicate with horse dewormer and bleach. It promotes misinformation.

Yeah, that's true. Okay. Didn't they just have a big study that ivermectin is actually successful? Joe Rogan was gloating about that one. As he should. I mean, he was right. Gloating? It's like a health major.

He's spreading good health information. Yeah. Good for him. Kind of frightening how everybody was against it, and then it just comes out. The study says, oh, yeah, it's good. It is true that when they started clamping down on like, oh, you can't say it was made in a lab, but you're

like, but it was. It obviously was. What are you talking about? Obviously this is... Ivermectin? You mean that horse medicine? A single Chinese person ate a bat and you're like, no, that's not how this works. The horse medicine shit was crazy. People are just guffawing their heads off that have no idea what they're even... Oh, you did?

Yeah, because it's... I when the when the mainstream news reports it as a thing i hate to say i go oh they're always lying a lot of the time they're lying yeah but i don't trust i don't trust visor buys ads they don't trust the the independent news either everyone's lying is the answer not just the mainstream news you're lying i'm Okay, but I'm not sponsored by Pfizer. Sure. So I'm just being an idiot. But I'm also not sponsored by like Dr. McGuffin's Patriot Buckets where I have to terrify you into filling your shelter house with a bunch of fucking dried food or whatever the fuck.

It goes both ways. Rare steak cubes for five. No, ivermectin was correct. That's the way It goes both ways. Rare steak cubes for five. No, ivermectin was correct. That's the way it goes. Okay. Well, for all I fucking know, the apocalypse is coming and I need to prepare for the rapture

with a big bucket of corn meal. Rare steak cubes for five. Biggest problem is ticket sellers. Impossible to get a refund for a canceled event or even talk to a human. Scam artists. Big up to Liquid Richard. Okay.

Mike Hunt for five. Joe Rogan had Dr. Malone, the creator of MRA technology, on his show. Malone was criticizing the efficacy of certain jabs. That's the controversy. MRNA. One of the early inventors, MRNA. Yeah. Patents.

He's a kook. Yeah, he's a lunatic. Okay. CG for five. So Spotify dropped like 70 more episodes of Rogan's podcast. Really? Yeah. Is that true? Yes.

Today. Yeah. Vito. Whoops. What do you think about that? After Pesacchi. Oh, for after the white house said that. Yeah.

Vito literally voted for cancel culture. They're saying, do you have a problem with House said that. Yeah. Vito literally voted for cancel culture, they're saying. Do you have a problem with her saying that? Yeah, I don't think the government should weigh in on stupid, pointless shit. Yeah, yeah. Stupid, pointless shit. Same as I don't like Biden weighing in on fucking Rittenhouse. I'm like, shut up. This has nothing to do with you.

Oh, yeah, he called him a white supremacist. Yeah, him and fucking the governor of New York, all these politicians. I'm like, this has nothing to do with you. Just shut the fuck called them white supremacists. Yeah, him and the fucking the governor of New York, all these politicians. I'm like, this has nothing to do with you. Just shut the fuck up. Don't even have an opinion on it. Or if you have an opinion on it, just shut the fuck up anyway and keep it to yourself. They need to keep people all pissed off though with their lies. It's how they get votes apparently. I don't know how it works because why

would you vote for guys who are just lying to you? Because if you don't have any time to get news, like if you are on a steady diet of news from, if your loop is like CNN, the president, MSNBC, then you never have any downtime that you need to fill with news from like a random other guy that's going to say, hey, ivermectin actually works.

What do you think about that? What are you going to do? Mike Hahn sneaks in at the buzzer with two and says again, knowledge is the biggest problem. Okay. Goodbye, everyone. Have fun, guys. See you.

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