The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 38
Episode Date: May 2, 2022The Emperor's New Burn, The Socio-Sexual Hierarchy, Getting Rid of Grease, Fake 2D Animation...
Transcript
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Some people accuse me of having vocal fry
I don't think so
I think if I have vocal fry
It's delightful
It's fine when a guy has it
When a guy has it it's fine
Nobody notices
I shouldn't have even mentioned it
Because now people are going to be looking for it
Let's have an isolated compilation of Vito's vocal fry
Wow Dick
The thing is,
the problem is
that I have a microphone
in front of me
and it naturally amplifies
my already loud voice.
I'm a very loud man
to begin with.
We're ready to go.
Yeah, sure.
I feel like we just gotta get into it
this week.
Did it work?
Did it work that time?
Dance organ.
Oh, yeah.
Did it work that time?
Yeah, it's working.
Oh, yeah.
Biggest problem in the universe.
Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe.
The only show that ranks every problem in the universe.
From women's cries to big seeds, oils, lies.
I'm your host, Nick Madsen.
Joining me as always is Vito Giswaldi.
Hey, Nick.
Happy to be here. It's way too, I have the music turned up way too loud this week.
It's so hot.
Why do I have it up so loud?
I don't know.
Everything just stops working, you know?
Even the audience right now is going what the hell can't even hear these
freaking morons let's do it i have to do it do we got to do an opening again we can do it we can do
another one well then i thought i could adjust it on the fly here but of course it just vanishes
right when i hit all right we gotta do a real one second try, so is the first.
I mean,
I don't even know.
Whatever.
Are we ready?
Just do it.
I did it like seven times last week.
Well.
And now it's there.
Now it's there.
Oh.
Biggest.
That's good.
That's good. Problem.
In.
The.
Universe. Welcome to the biggest Problem in the universe.
Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe.
The only show that ranks every problem in the universe from women's cries to big seed
oils lies.
I'm your host Dick Masterson.
Joining me as always is Peter Giswalt.
Excited to be here, Dick, on a beautiful Saturday.
How you doing?
See, I got the wrong one again. It doesn't fade. I'll just manually fade it.O.G. Swalding. Excited to be here, Dick, on a beautiful Saturday. How you doing? See, I got the wrong one again.
It doesn't fade.
Well, just manually fade it.
Yeah, whatever.
Could have faded it out, but I didn't.
Fuck you.
We were futzing with the show theme for many minutes before the show began.
I don't know why.
Nothing's changed.
I don't know what happened this week.
Maybe they updated the Steam Deck.
You ever update something and it stops working?
That's the worst.
Every time I update.
Yeah.
That's why this show computer has not been updated in like three years.
That's smart.
Especially with Apple and whatever else.
Who knows what's going to happen?
Yeah.
Throw all your settings out of whack.
You've got a present for me today.
I do have a present, Dick.
We're always running low on pens here in the studio,
so I brought you 40
Z-Grip
retractable ballpoint pens. Can you believe
it? Let me see those. How excited
are you?
Are these the kind that have goo in them?
No, I think they're just regular ink
pens. Let me see. Here, try it.
It's a Z-Grip. Oh, you already got one out.
It's a Z-Grip. It one out it's a z grip it has a
little nub on the take the nub off that's to keep the ink in when i knew it it's a goo pen no it's
not a goo pen it's a smudge factory whatever it's like you put your hand through that you walk out
of here having cloven hooves on your palms and then you get it all over my white belt and every
time i try to use a pen
It's like got nothing in it
Every time I come in here
How can I underline my very important notes
That I prepare for the show Dick
You know what I do actually
I get bulk used pens off eBay
And then I just spread them around
For fun?
Yeah
Why?
Like I go to the post office And I just have like a handful of pens For fun? Yeah. Why? Just to fun with people.
Like I go to the post office.
And you leave shitty pens. And I just have like a handful of pens.
I just throw them.
They're all used.
Bad pens with no ink in them.
That's one of the greatest villains of all time.
I'm the niggler.
See?
You are literally the niggler.
I'm the niggler.
Oh my god.
There's pens out of every one of these pens is out of ink.
The Niggler's stuck again.
Batman can't find
a single working pen
in the Batcave.
That's why the Niggler
is so devious
because Batman,
like the Riddler is like,
I'm blowing up
the Gotham Stadium.
It's too obvious.
And I'm going to kill everybody.
Batman's like,
well, I know the Riddler
is going to do that.
But with me,
the Niggler,
Batman's like, I don't, I don't know if the Niggler did this or it's
like just fucked up.
For those of you who aren't aware, the Niggler is a Batman villain, which was covered in
great detail in our bonus episode, Biggest Problems in Batman.
And speaking of which, we have a new bonus episode we're going to be recording here tonight.
Yeah.
Should we give it away?
Can I give it away?
Yeah, of course.
The biggest problems in Star Wars.
Star Wars.
Will be a bonus episode coming to you soon.
So if you have no life, you're going to love this episode.
I mean, isn't everybody listening to this show have no life?
Isn't that kind of the point?
What are you doing on a Friday slash Saturday night?
Yeah, what else are you doing on a Friday night?
Patreon.com slash biggest problem.
You can get both of those episodes.
Yes.
We also have a new tier.
Yes, we're going to be adding a new tier.
I haven't put it in yet, but we're going to have, I think we're tentatively calling it
Veto File Plus and Dickhead Plus.
Dickhead Plus.
We've had people come to us.
You get a different color in your Discord.
You get a different color in the Discord.
This is really just for people. A lot of people come to us and they get a different color in your Discord. You get a different color in the Discord. This is really just for people.
A lot of people come to us and they go, we want to show more support.
Yeah, there are people who don't understand that you can just put in a custom amount.
Yeah, they don't.
On Patreon.
They're like, I want to give you guys $10 a month.
And we're like, okay, let's just go put it in.
Make it custom.
And they're like, ah, that sounds complicated.
And we're like, all right.
All right.
We're going to have a custom tier for those of you who really want to support the show.
And you'll also get your name shouted out at the end of every episode, so that'll be nice.
Textually.
Textually.
Not we're going to say your name.
Well, maybe we read them out.
I mean, this.
You put up the graphic.
I can read their name quickly.
I can go.
I do a thing where I say everybody's name every year, and it takes like four hours.
Well, I guess if we get a lot of subscribers, that's true.
You can't overcommit yourself.
You're right. You're right. I will not read your names. hours well i guess if we get a lot of subscribers that's true you can't over commit yourself you're
right i will not read your names but we will put them up on a on a banner after the show so everyone
can see them yeah it's something if you want to support the show are you ready all right yeah
uh women's tears number one i mean i hate i had taken easy W's, but somebody had to say it.
Yeah.
Do women in your life say, like, hey, I listened to your show and I heard you talking about women.
Women in my life.
What is this joke we're talking about?
All women have exited my life.
No, I talked to someone.
Where's my tuba sound effect?
You got to get that Price is Right horn.
That's the sound of the greatest day of your life as a kid.
I don't think any women I know listen to the show.
That's good.
Women don't listen to podcasts.
No.
Because they're too educational.
It makes them angry.
I don't know if women.
Are there podcasts?
They listen to those true crime.
What is with true crime? they're they're all criminals women have devious criminal minds
they want to murder you they all want to be murdered or do murdering they just fantasize
about it constantly i can keep you in line for 10 seconds well i'll take the win but it feels
it feels like it was too easy.
There's going to be plenty of women problems.
I know. So, you know.
Don't think it's easy.
It's true. Maybe not all of your women problems will win.
Fake mobile game ads. But they should because women are a problem. Fake mobile game ads.
Yeah. It's funny.
After you did that episode, I swear I keep
getting the ad that goes,
this is not the fake puzzle one. This is
the real one.
This is the real puzzle. And now I'm like, I don't
trust you.
I downloaded one. It's going to be shit.
One of those dumb math ones and played it
and I was all amped for it, but then I'm like,
what am I doing?
I just got to stop doing that.
I think they're only interesting because you see the guy
doing them wrong and you want to yell at him.
I think that's the psychology of it.
You go, obviously, go through the times two
door, not the negative five
door. I understood the
plus five times two one that you
fucked that up, but minus two plus
two, buddy, it's red.
What are you doing?
What the fuck? You get off your ass and you i guess it just lets
you feel like you're smarter than a stupid person you're like well this guy need this game so i can
prove it that's what i think i was watching bill maher i was watching a bill maher clip yeah he's
like ripping on cocaine and hunter biden and everyone's laughing i'm like i've never felt
more hollow at like being tricked into feeling superior
to the people that are like enslaving me and
taxing me to death. I'm like, oh.
Everyone's just laughing.
Like, that's...
I'm out. They're running a little game
on you. Yeah, I get it. Don't you feel
smart? And you're like...
Not anymore. I did.
Okay.
What other problems do we have? No more comedies.
Okay, next. Solid third place. Where other problems do we have? No more comedies. Okay, next.
Solid third place.
Where's your comedy movie, though?
You should be part of the solution.
I got one I've been writing, but it's on the back burner.
What's it about?
Like a Star Wars reviewer?
Yeah, it's about a Star Wars reviewer.
A big, fat Star Wars reviewer who has sex with every pretty lady in town.
Oh, wow.
I am working, however, Dick, and I won't plug it.
I'm working on my comic book, which is going to be funny.
Okay.
And people should go to superkiller.org to sign up for the mailing list for my comic book.
And then when the Kickstarter goes live, you'll get a notification.
You'll be able to buy it at an early bird rate.
You get it cheap if you get it in early.
Like 50 cents off or something like that?
It'll be some significant little bonus
package for being one of the first 50
people to buy it or something. Like 70 bucks
but slashed down from 500?
I'm going to slash it.
But Super Killer is very funny.
When's that going to be out?
I'm hoping to do the Kickstarter.
I don't want to do a
kickstarter until at least like half the book is ready a lot of these guys do like a comic book
kickstarter and like nothing's ready to go yeah like it'll be out in three months and then three
years go by and they're like all right we're finishing page 20 now and you're like this is
fucked i saw a guy um or a girl who was kickstarting the Kickstarter for her comic book.
What?
Yeah.
Kickstarting the Kickstarter?
Yeah.
She's like, my Kickstarter is going to be amazing.
It's going to have pages from the comic book and some information about what you get. Is she going to get the marketing going or some shit?
Yeah, it was crazy.
I've never seen anything like that.
So I'm going to wait until at least 50% of it's done before I launch it.
But hopefully summer was my hope.
50% of it's done before I launch it.
But hopefully summer was my hope.
Well, since you can't give money to Vito,
you can go buy some Shawnees.
Oh, are they still available?
They haven't launched yet.
Okay.
Shawnees on Tuesday.
I think.
You know what?
Tuesday I'm going to launch them no matter what.
I want a Shawnee.
So this is the plan, all right?
Just so you know.
Everybody buys them.
Right.
It's only going to be like a buck.
Right.
Everybody buys them, and then It's only going to be like a buck. Right. Everybody buys them.
And then everybody goes and tweets at NFT people and says,
this is the most fucking amazing project ever.
They're doing it.
It's all green.
It's helping homeless people and black people and women.
It's the most amazing thing. This guy died of cancer.
Can you make a page?
Whatever. Say and do whatever. he was like a famous scientist yeah like a race scientist we pumped
the bag well not a race we pump the bag pump the bag and then we rug them all right all right that's
the plan here yeah i'm only making five thousand yeah and. And then we're going to buy them all, hoard them, pump the bag, rip it out, rock them.
All right?
That's the plan.
You keep some for yourself.
But this is a money scam making project.
All right.
I guess I should buy more than one, I suppose.
You can buy a hundred.
They're only a dollar
Who cares
Right
Buy 20
I mean this is a guaranteed
100x return
As far as I can tell
The x is
How much are you willing
To shill and lie
And deceive
It would be great
If we made like
A bunch of fake pages
That sang
All the praises of Sean
And
Fake historical documents
Like oh he was the guy
He was like Martin Luther King Jr.'s best friend
He was George Floyd's best producer
For his music that he did make
Right
So by supporting him
I can't say this shit on my show
Sean will get all pissed
I don't know if that's okay
I saw an article mad at Floydies recently
The NFT people are really mad I kind of started I don't know if that's okay. I saw an article mad at Floydies recently.
The NFT people are really mad. I think I kind of started Floydies.
Like, I kind of pushed Floydies.
You pushed Floydies to the top because you spotlighted it.
I think so.
And then, like, the Scatter Archives and Stone Ties are like, that's awesome.
Come on aboard our ship.
There should be a Floydies whole universe or whatever.
The Floydiverse.
Yeah. NFTs are fascinating. universe or whatever. The Floydiverse. Yeah.
NFTs are fascinating.
They're great.
I love them.
Then we had seed oil disrespectors came in negative.
Came in a negative one.
Which means people agree with the seed oil disrespectors.
I think this is another example of a problem.
People couldn't wrap their head around.
No.
I'll bring in a comment.
This is from Kevin Rockets.
Dick, stop making up conspiracy theories about seed oil.
I found some crazy white lady on Twitter who doesn't understand ionizing versus non-ionizing radiation.
Anything that says ion on it is a scam, buddy.
What even is a seed oil?
Herder.
Also dick.
High fructose corn syrups are actually bad.
I can't tell you why.
They just are.
Trust me, bro.
Then he's got, meanwhile, look at all of this clinical.
What the fuck?
He sent you multiple sources?
This is on YouTube.
He put this on YouTube.
Who the fuck would read it on YouTube?
I'm not reading that now.
Clinical.
All this giant paragraphs of clinical.
Furthermore, PUF.
All this shit. Sources. This is all this giant paragraphs of clinical. Furthermore, PUF, all this shit, sources.
This is all about why seed oils are bad.
And this is all in response to me.
Yeah.
NCBI.NLM.NAH.
Link, link, link, link, link, link, link, link.
The Parkinson's Alzheimer's connection.
Link, link, lipid peroxidase.
This makes me want to go chug some Lynn's seed oil Just to spite this gentleman
What is going on?
Everything gives you cancer
Once you accept that
You just move on with your life
It does, but you're not getting not sunburned
If you stop eating peanuts
We were gods, Dick
Before the seed oil came along
We was Kangs, Dick Okay dick before the seed oil came along but then seed oil came along was kangs dick
okay um ando san says gotta love as soon as veto is getting grilled for what he voted for
and can't defend it he falls back to the well i'm not even political or i don't care card i know why
i voted for it it's just if i get into it it going to take hours and hours of me and Dick arguing, all right?
Oh, okay.
We just fundamentally disagree about economic policies and climate change and things like that. So, I mean, what do you mean disagree?
I'm political enough to where I understand what I'm voting about.
I don't know every single...
The problem is that you...
That's important.
No, no, no, no.
Knowing every single part's important.
You gish gallop and you go on these fucking wild tangents and you go, what about Hunter
Biden's fucking laptop?
And this time Biden went to Ukraine and it's like, yeah.
And there's a lot of the same shit for Trump.
They're both fundamentally bad people.
I hate both of them.
Let's be clear.
I just hate Trump more than Biden based on some core political beliefs
that I hold.
Those are political beliefs?
I have core political beliefs.
One of which is a tax structure.
I do care. You're right.
I care enough.
What do you mean gish gallop?
What the hell is that?
You know what it is.
That's like a liberal's version of calling someone gay.
Say you're a gish galloper.
It means that you, rather than focus on the one thing we're talking about, bring up 10 other things.
And then I'm like, I don't have time to address every single grievance you have with Biden.
Yeah.
And if I focus on the things that I care about.
Uh-huh.
He's still awful.
I almost brought in a Biden problem.
I might bring in a Biden problem.
Which one? There's so many to pick from.
Specifically, he needs to stop
trying to push through these very
obviously racist bills.
That's like, we're going to rebuild the economy
only with black
and women-owned businesses. And you're like,
you can't. You can't. You just can't.
Stop trying. No, that's the goal, though. And they keep getting
struck down in the Supreme Court because they're like, bro, you can't you just can't stop trying no that's the goal they keep getting struck down in the supreme court because they're like bro you can't say the government's only going to give jobs
or opportunities to black people like it doesn't work that way they'll get it through eventually
i don't know if they will and i hope they don't because it's absurd okay reeb doog says the amount
of weaponized autism that's going into to be fair quote is starting to rival the he
will not divide us capture the flag uh intricacy you were amazing last time some people are
apparently confused because they haven't listened to the early episodes at some point
i think on every episode i was saying a certain phrase uh just because it's part it was part of
my natural speech patterns until it's beaten out of me by this uh what do you call it pavlov's conditioning here yeah the audience so dick
came up with a fun game where every time i say it he would play an audio clip of me clearly and
loudly proclaiming that i like a certain thing and i'm not going to provide you that video clip
either and uh it is for some reason become a ridiculous game for our audience to try to
trick me into saying it.
Yeah, it's hilarious.
They're getting good at it, too.
Sometimes they're good at it. Sometimes they're very bad.
Okay. You got any comments?
Let's see what I got here.
SoCal Justice Warriors said it's a good
show because you can tell they actually love each
other, which is gay.
I don't know what he's talking about.
G Plastic Beach said, I know that study about women's tears is bullshit because every time
I see a woman crying, it makes me angry and hard.
Whereas the study said the opposite.
And I also, some people in our Discord.
I said that the first time I heard that study seven years ago.
Yeah.
Nine, whenever it was.
Well, we have on our Discord, if you're a Patreon, you have access to our Discord server.
There's a problems section where people give us their own problems.
And I brought in a problem just to read off.
This isn't my problem, but I find this interesting.
Herb Bada Patch said, a problem is not getting discounts for taking toppings off of food.
A burger with lettuce, cheese, and tomato should not cost the same as a burger with just cheese.
Shouldn't you be allowed to save a little bit of money there?
Yeah, you know, we're going to give you four cents off if you say your order real fast, too,
because you're saving us time.
If you get through the drive-thru at 60 miles an hour, you're going to save two cents off your order.
You know what?
I think I read that problem differently because now that I read it, I go, that's a terrible fucking problem.
For some reason, when I first read it, I'm like, yeah, I thought he was talking about something else entirely.
Yeah, no, the lettuce and tomato doesn't cost anything.
They're not going to give you money off for the lettuce.
Well, this was a good bit that you had to read a They're not going to give you money off for the lettuce.
Well, this was a good bit that you had to read a problem from the Discord. And then I immediately disagree with it.
I just wanted to encourage people to participate in the Discord
and know that we are reading your problems, even when they're terrible.
We're not, though.
Yeah, we're not going to give you a nickel off for your lettuce.
Clearly not reading the problem.
I didn't read them close enough, I guess.
For some reason, I thought he had a good point, but then I read it again,
and I went, no, that's moronic.
All right.
All right.
Well, I guess we should get into the real problems.
We should have some kind of a cruel system.
Like, if you add up the weight in lettuce, at the end of a year, you get that many free hamburgers or something.
I guess, yeah.
It's like, I didn't get chopped onions on mine.
I should save a penny.
Then women would be real.
Then they would have no reason not to customize every order.
Yeah.
And bitch about it.
And they don't need that.
Although some of these restaurants, I mean, they'll charge you like 50 cents for like,
you know, like a dipping cup of sauce or something.
Yeah.
So they'll nickel and dime you going the other way.
Why don't you get to throw it back at them?
That's a good point. You go, I didn't get ketchup on my burger.
That means I should get a free honey mustard cup.
Do you remember when... Equal equivalent exchange.
Did you ever know anyone when you were a kid that would
order two cheeseburgers and combine them
together because it was cheaper than a double cheeseburger
at McDonald's? Oh, I still pull shit like that.
If possible.
I'm always looking for bizarre
menu hacks.
Jim Kramer veto. There was one point where mcdonald's in the app yeah had this deal and it was like buy any meal get a free
happy meal okay but it was any meal and they had this like off-menu meal that was like a cheeseburger
and like a coke and a fry for like four dollars yeah so i'd go i want that and a cheeseburger and like a Coke and a fry for like $4.
Yeah.
So I'd go, I want that and a Happy Meal.
And I was getting like $10 worth of food for like, because also if you get the Happy Meal at McDonald's,
they try to trick you and make you think it comes with that small soda.
Right.
But at McDonald's, you can get any size soda for the same price,
at least in California.
What?
So you can get a Happy Meal with a giant large Coke, and it's the same price as if you get
that little kid's cup they try to force onto you.
That's a contract in there?
If you say I want a Happy Meal, I want a large Coke that's the same price?
Yeah, they have to do it.
Or you can just do what I do, and I just order on the app, and they go, so you want like
a tiny little Coke, right?
And I go, customized drink, large giant ass Coke.
Okay.
And then it's the same exact price.
And they bring it out to my car.
This is really amazing.
Menu hacks, man.
Menu hacks.
Menu hacks.
Okay.
Thank you.
I've got a lot of McDonald's menu hacks.
I have to stop because I have too many of them.
Do they put your name on a list when you walk out of there with a happy meal?
At a certain point. At a certain point. Because you're a single
man going in there
ordering a meal and a Happy Meal
that you're arguing about. Yeah.
And there's no child anywhere. Right.
And I'm clearly playing with the toy
in the parking lot going,
go Sonic. Okay.
What's your problem? You're the winner. My problem.
I am the winner. My problem, Dick,
this week is fake 2D animation.
This is driving me nuts.
They need to stop.
This week we saw a trailer for the Rescue Rangers movie,
which we can argue up and down about whether or not this is the right way to do a Rescue Rangers movie,
but the premise is that it's set
in a world where the Rescue Rangers was a
real TV show
and Chip and Dale were actors
on the show. I hate that.
But was it like a documentary because they actually
did rescue people? I don't know.
They did that with Darkwing Duck and the DuckTales
reboot. Oh, Darkwing Duck was a
show? Yeah, it was a show.
A show in a show? Okay.
And the actor then turned into
a real life Darkwing Duck for no reason.
Yeah, this is convoluted
and bizarre. But the
thing that's happening is
that Chip
is still, stayed as a 2D
animated character
and Dale wanted
to be hip and fresh so he had surgery to become a 3d cg
animated character dale fucked up so bad that he turned 3d yeah that's right he's and so the thing
is it's supposed to be about this mash of a 2d character and a 3d character interacting with
each other like roger rabbit uh yeah but they're both fake yeah and it
is also set in the real world so it's doubly confusing there's animated characters real people
2d animated 3d animated the problem is that chip is also 3d animated but it's done in that 2d
cel-shaded style so it's like fake 2d which completely undermines style. So it's like fake 2D, which completely undermines
the whole thing. It's like, well, I went and got
the 3D surgery, and it's like,
well, Chip also is 3D.
You can tell, too. You can absolutely
tell. Like when Futurama used to do all
their ships and shit in 3D. Right, all their ships
was 3D, and you could tell whenever they changed
over to that style.
It always looks so obvious,
and I guess it's like a cost it
doesn't make sense for this like this is disney the famously inspired all 2d animation everywhere
yeah the fact that disney can't pay actual 2d animators to go in and just animate i mean you
could even use the 3d character as the basis and just draw over it to make it look not like complete shit.
It looks so bad.
They always do.
Yeah, just hire some 2D animators.
But every time they do it on a show, you can tell,
and it looks like shit.
Have you watched Invincible?
Yeah.
That was 3D?
Some of the scenes, whenever they have the big crowd scenes
of everybody running away,
they're like, oh, the animation just dipped in quality by like a million percent.
It looks like a computer.
Yeah.
I hate that.
It really sucks.
You almost are like, just do it shitty.
I would rather the animation be shitty but actually drawn rather than like, oh, well, look at all the guys on the fucking screen.
You're like, yeah, But it all looks like shit now
Yeah
And you fucked it up
Here's uh
Here's my question
Yeah
Uh why do you care about
This little kids movie
Who gives a shit
I care about animation though
Who fucking cares dot com
No no no no no no
Okay
Cause animation is great
Is Chippendale
What does Gadget look like?
I don't know.
We haven't seen her yet.
Oh, God.
Better be a fucking badonkadon.
No, she's going to be a fucking shitty 3D model.
It's going to look like shit.
She better have...
See, they can't give her tits, but they got to suggest that there's tits there, right?
Yeah.
You know?
They can't give them secondary sexual characteristics right why not because then
it's weird didn't gadget always kind of porno well do do mice have uh nipples yeah but they're
all in their stomach yeah so that's why it doesn't make sense you can't have big honking tits down
there like eight nipples going down i mean i'm for it but they're not gonna put that they're
not gonna put that disney won't put that in a kids movie because it would turn kids straight. And they only want to turn kids gay.
That is their plan.
But it also affects other anime.
Like, again, Invincible's not for kids.
And it looks like shit when they do it there.
Yeah.
I get that it's like kind of a cost-saving measure, but I would, like, look at old, like, anime.
They didn't have tits in Invincible either, did they?
I'm trying to think if anybody had big tits.
The red-haired girl did. She's hot, but she doesn't have big tits. She doesn't have big tits, thoughvincible either, did they? I'm trying to think if anybody had big tits. The red-haired girl didn't.
Adam Eve is hot, but she doesn't have big tits.
She doesn't have big tits, though.
They got to get bigger.
There was also, do you know Berserk?
No.
Have you heard of Berserk?
It's that epic fantasy from Japan or whatever.
You've seen people post about it.
Sword guy.
Yeah, sword guy.
The guy with the giant sword.
Wait, I'm thinking of Guts.
Oh, yeah.
No, that's him.
That's Berserk. Well, the original animated The guy with the giant sword. Wait, I'm thinking of Guts. Oh, yeah. No, that's him. That's Berserk.
All right.
Well, the original animated series was all traditional 2D animation.
And then at one point, they're like, we're going to redo it and we're going to update it.
But like half of it ended up being, again, that shitty 3D where then they just afterwards changed the shading and had a black outline.
It just looks so...
Like, just make a 3D animation at that point.
It's like my movie.
It's like my slow-mo. Shitty slow-mo.
It's like this is
I'm not. This isn't a something.
I know you guys put it up here like
we're supposed to watch this but it's not.
Just like make the screen black and describe
what's happening. Yeah, have a narrator tell me
like right now there's a lot of soldiers on the screen yeah i just i don't know yeah i don't know what to do it looks like
crap i don't understand also yeah it's like a video game just rotoscope it at that point once
you have the scene figured out in your little 3d program hire like five 2d animators be like all
right just go draw in over it and you know know, do the right number of frames. Maybe kids like
it, because I think we don't like it because I'm
used to seeing it on video games where it looks like shit.
Maybe kids just are used to it. Well, every kid's
cartoon is doing it. That's true.
I didn't bring in, like, half these, like, Spider-Man
cartoons or Voltron or
whatever else. They're all doing it because the kids
on Star Wars Rebels, I think, is a show
that does it. Yeah, and it all looks like
shit.
This was originally from, did you ever play Jet Grind Radio on the Dreamcast?
Yeah, they came up with it, and you're like, oh, that's a cool little style for a video game.
Right.
And trying to emulate what cartoons look like, but then to go back and take what was trying to emulate what a cartoon look like imperfectly and make it into an actual
cartoon you're like you realize you've gone backwards now right like do you understand
what's happened here yeah we were trying to make it look like the good thing and it was kind of a
little bit shittier because you know it's a computer how are you going to explain this to like
like uh an adult uh i'm just going to tell them cartoons look bad now.
Cartoons should look better.
Like I'm not saying it's going to save the fucking world.
No, this is the biggest problem in the universe.
Because if, I don't know, man,
it just sucks. This is about declining standards in animation overall.
Look, do you want a Chippendales Rescue Ranger cartoon
or not? Not this one.
Not like this.
I would prefer not this okay you
saw people are also mad that uh peter pan in the show it's like a washed up what is peter pan doing
in rescue rangers it's one of those uh what do you call it who shot roscoe or yeah whatever
who framed roger rabbit type scenarios where all the characters are showing up and peter pan's like an old fat drunk and then
people are going oh that's cute hey did you know the original peter pan a voice actor died a
homeless alcoholic who you know they couldn't identify his uh body for a year you know what
i'm getting i'm starting to get what nick fuentes hates about our generation. Yeah. This sick irony poisoning.
That everything is.
That we have.
Because it's gone.
Yeah.
It's gone sarcasm, irony,
and then his generation is,
what is it?
Surrealism?
Surrealist comedy?
Yeah.
Like, look, Kirby's car.
He ate a car.
And he's going to work.
Like, I don't get that.
Like, it's hilarious.
What do you mean?
Well, is he doing it ironically or sarcastically or something?
Comedy is very complex.
What you're describing is very ironic.
Yeah.
Peter Pan, but he's drunk.
Just kill yourself.
Comedy has to try and be shocking, but how do you shock?
How about Peter Pan, but he's dead.
That's funny.
But he's upside down.
His mouth is up his asshole.
And he talks by shitting all over.
He talks by shitting up everyone else's asshole.
And that's telepathic shit.
And then his words come out their poop.
Yeah.
Like, ugh, that's gross.
Like, no.
Trust me.
This is the future of comedy.
You don't get it, but your kids are going to love it.
Your kids.
It really is that.
It really is.
You don't get it.
I mean, when the world continues to get absurd,
you have to get more and more absurd to be funny.
Okay.
Fake 2D animation is my problem, Dick.
It looks terrible.
And frankly, the world deserves better from our media representations.
Hey, I have a question for you.
This has always bothered me.
How come in the South Park movie,
Cartman says the Terrence and philip animation is all
crappy but then they're real guys how about that one for a problem oh no no is that 3d animation
i think that works because cartman assumes that it must be animation because he hasn't met any
canadians okay he learns they actually have flappy mouths and are real people. Okay. My problem is, I'm going to call this one fool's owns.
Fool's owns.
It's when somebody owns, somebody makes a burn on somebody, owns somebody else.
They say like a pithy rejoinder.
Yeah.
Right?
And it wasn't funny.
Yeah, right, and it wasn't funny. Hmm, but everyone
Says it's funny and goes like way over the top and talking about how funny it is
Yeah, they're like that wasn't even the best own that wasn't even a good on that's the best own
I've ever seen I've ever seen I can't believe it that own cured my. That is the most savage burn of all time, Dick.
If I could...
Are you referring to the one I think?
Yeah, you are referring to that one.
I was trying to find it so I could quote it exactly.
Sick, disgusting burn.
Absolutely devastated forever.
Yeah.
You're not going to find it there.
That guy keeps tweeting.
Maybe you will.
So Elon...
Absolutely destroyed with facts and logic.
No, I think I would.
I think I will find it going through the front way.
I try to find it with Google.
No, you have to find him replying to her.
Oh, he replies all the time now.
He was so disgustingly owned in so many ways.
It happens all the time.
Oh, there we go.
Right there.
Here we go. Oh, there we go. Right there. Here we go.
Oh, God.
What a disgusting burn.
AOC, that horse lady that's Congress or whatever.
She says, tired of.
Is she not?
A horse lady?
I thought she was like a Japanese monster waifu horse lady.
Yeah.
Is she not?
We imported her from Japan.
She's a horse monster.
We made her into a congresswoman.
She said,
tired of having
to collectively stress
about what explosion of hate
crimes is happening
because some billionaire with an ego
problem unilaterally controls
a massive communication platform
and skews it because Tucker Carlson or Peter Thiel took him to dinner and made him feel special. Okay, so she's obviously talking about Elon Musk there, right?
Right.
Because he just did all the things she's describing.
Right.
So Elon Musk says,
Blushy smiley face.
Blushy smiley emoji.
That's funny because she said everyone criticizing her just wants to have sex with her.
Oh, she's turning it around on her.
Yeah, so he says stop.
He says this is how dumb you looked when it happened to you.
And it's much shorter than what she said.
That's always.
That gets you 60% of the way there.
If what you said was shorter than what they said
you're already winning the game
you're already winning
well isn't this
maybe twitter is not a place for any sort of
serious political discussion
of any type
why do you say that
because it just turns into
oh I wonder who's gonna
burn her next.
Okay, but then she said, I was talking about Mark Zuckerberg.
But okay.
And then she deleted it.
Oh, she deleted the response?
Yeah.
Why?
Because it's embarrassing.
Because she obviously is not talking about Mark Zuckerberg.
Yeah.
Zuckerman, whatever his name is.
But I thought everybody was telling her that the Zuckerberg thing was the ultimate burn.
They did, because they captured it before it got washed out of the servers and then
reposted it all over saying, I'm going to name my kid this burn.
It's so burn, you'll eat.
I'm going to name, yeah.
So burnicious, this burnicious.
She said, I was talking about Zuckerberg, but some else.
But okay.
First of all, it's longer.
So not a good burn.
Not good.
You know what would have been a good burn if she just said, fuck you, F-slur.
Yes!
Because then I would have went, oh my God, the ultimate!
Now, because now he has to, now she's
gonna get banned, and now he looks
like a, yes! A hypocrite.
Fuck you, F!
If she said fuck you, F-slur,
she would have immediately won.
I'd have brushed her mane.
Yeah, you're right. You would have been pretty happy
with it.
That's the problem These guys
They need to hire
Guys like us
To write these burns
Cause frankly
They're
Fucking up
But the first one
Call him an F slur
Call him an F slur
Just give me that
Like you don't understand
He'll win immediately
So I went to Chappelle's show
Yeah
Last week
How was that?
Oh man
He started off with a
Racist Chinese voice
Like immediately
First joke
First joke
I had no idea
How badly I needed to hear that
And then he said
F slur
Like six times
Oh
He was talking about
This little gun
His wife bought him
With an ivory handle
And he goes
That means the last
I know the last words Every N word That i'm gonna shoot with it it's gonna be
that's what we need yeah i see this online all the time especially now it's not
own it's not funny what she said the The Reburn. Not funny at all.
It's a popularity concept where it doesn't even matter what they say.
But that's the problem.
Because there is funny and there is not funny.
Well, I'm going to argue that I have been in situations where certain people claim to have burned me.
And it's not a burn.
No.
It happens all the time.
Yeah. It's weird it's just this weird uh narrative where they go uh did you see veto got totally owned and it's just someone going you're
fat and i'm like yeah i know like oh my god he destroyed him and i'm like that wasn't that good
or clever but i'm gonna i'm gonna you something. We need some sort of artificial intelligence or a manual like the DSM-5.
To determine the severity of the burn.
If you're a burn or not.
Yes or no.
Burn or not, B-O-N.
Yeah, because, and there's many criteria that goes into it.
If you're starting with, oh, Vito got totally owned, I immediately just kind of say, no, no.
I don't believe you.
Because that's not how you start.
This person got totally owned.
Like, don't prime me for the expectation here.
I've seen some total owns, but they're rare.
Yes, but if someone tells you about them, they don't say, oh, so-and-so got totally owned.
They say, oh, check this out.
Look, this guy said,
you're never going to, like, this is what we're going to say.
When they start it with, they got owned, you say.
They're trying to color your expectations falsely already.
Yeah, because then you have to call them an idiot.
And then that, like, the social aspect of that
can cover the entire, like,
no one will call anyone an idiot.
It's like Emperor's New Clothes.
The Emperor's New Burn.
That's what I'm calling it.
The Emperor's New Pwn. We Emperor's New Burn. That's what I'm calling it. The Emperor's New Pwn.
We all have to pretend it was a burn when in fact we know it was not in fact.
And they prey on your pity of them or your obligation to them to not say,
you're an idiot, you don't know what's funny, and I do know what's funny.
Well, part of it is this weird gaslighting aspect of yes trying to
convince you that it was such a burn like I see a lot of this with like Ralph honestly where people
say I don't know what you're talking about well no I'm saying they say a really stupid thing about
Ralph and they all try to convince themselves they're like oh my god did you see Ralph got so
totally owned and destroyed I'm like sounds like you made that same joke you guys made like two weeks ago about the
guy.
Yeah.
I don't think he owned him that hard.
I don't even think he cares.
Blocking works like that too.
When you block somebody like, oh, I got you.
It's like, no man, you're just really annoying.
You're just so fucking annoying.
You're just really annoying.
And won't leave me alone.
I don't want you to respond to everything I say.
Yeah.
Just get away from me.
People do.
You do always have to screenshotreenshot the block For some reason
It feels important
But a lot of the times
When I block people
It's just because
Everything I post
They go
You're a fucking F slur
And then I block them
They go
Oh I guess he doesn't
Really care about free speech
And I'm like
What the fuck
What the fuck
I guess I really owned that guy
I'm like yeah
You called me an F slur
I let you do it
A hundred times
Before I went
I don't think this guy
Has anything else to say It's gotta stop People don't They don't let you do it a hundred times before I went. I don't think this guy has anything else to say.
It's got to stop.
People don't let you say the N-word.
Even in very few instances are you allowed to say the N-word.
But this, like lying about things that are funny.
Because the people who are saying it don't know what's funny.
They don't know one way or the other.
They just see.
It's like Garfield without Garfield.
Those people will look at that and go like, hilarious.
One, two, three. There's the joke. It's like, no, it's. Those people will look at that and go like, hilarious, one, two, three, there's
the joke. It's like, no, it's not a joke just because
there's three of it. Right. It's got to actually
there's reasons for why it's funny.
Most people cannot express them.
You can't understand them.
But it's there. Yeah. It's not like,
you know, it's not like impressionist
arse painting, like, oh, it's just a bunch of squiggles and shit.
Like, no, there's reasons it's good.
Right. You have to interpret them in certain ways.
We do need an objective board of burn determinants to really look.
Burn court.
Yeah, burn court.
We need to bring it back.
Oh, burn court.
You go in, the judge goes, you know, really, you just called him the F-sler a hundred times.
It's not that clever.
It doesn't really play into the actual situation in any way. It's like case
law. Your Honor, but what about when
this guy called this guy and like, well, that
was funny because... That was funny because
he was engaging in certain behaviors.
Yeah. No, there
is too much of this.
You've been savagely owned
beyond repair.
I see it just constantly leveled
out. It's so important to
be burned this guy has been just completely destroyed and i go you can't just say that
this and this is why it's a big problem okay yeah because um politics right now and recently
in our lifetimes has been about like acting like who's the most moral person yeah they're both
liars like they're both liars criminals they're all liars. Like, they're both liars, criminals. They're all liars, criminals, crony capitalists, rapists, murder, you know?
Yeah.
Most awful people, they all pretend to be like they're the greatest person.
Moving forward, they're all going to have to be the funniest person.
So you're going to have billions of dollars of Pfizer money dumping into both
and Halliburton and BlackRock and Vanguard having nationwide campaigns to convince you that their candidate is the most epic burning one.
I mean.
And it's going to make, and it will, I will kill myself.
If I have to see how Ted Cruz is funny every day or whomever that Madison Cawthorn or whatever his name is.
Memes control the narrative.
Yeah.
And you know why the Democrats suck?
Because they're rapists.
Because they suck at fucking memes.
If they were bad, yeah, also because they're rapists.
Racism is, systemic racism is a pretty good meme.
Dick, we need to establish ourselves as a political memeing operation.
Super PAC?
That Palmer Lucky guy was doing doing it you ever hear about that
no you know palmer lucky creator of the oculus rift yeah he famously started up like a little
operation like he was like a super pack but all he did was make little conservative groiper memes
to get trump elected and i was like yeah that's how you do it. That's smart. Like that David Brock guy that did the Pizzagate?
Yeah.
I don't know about that.
Yeah.
But I do believe, right now I think about it constantly.
I'm like, if the Democrats want to win, they should just pay me to make memes.
It would be so easy.
Me and like a bunch of other, I don't know, just dumb shit.
I find dumb shit people said and just fucking make stupid videos about it.
You ever see what Vic Berger does where he takes crazy right-wing guys and makes silly
videos out of it?
Yeah.
I'm like, that's probably infinitely more effective than any Hillary Clinton dancing
and going on Ellen or whatever the fuck.
Yeah.
I mean, some of that's probably valuable political strategy you know for getting yeah boomers to vote for you but if you want young people to vote for you like like that desantis guy is just gonna
win because he's just being funny with it where he's just like yeah i'm gonna fucking take disney's
tax status away fuck it and you're like oh man that's hilarious that's awesome he's fucking
owning them yeah right that's all that's all anyone wants now. So, yeah. Yeah.
Memes and burns.
How come they get to have their own whole...
How come they don't have to pay for shit and I do?
Because they set up a tax status in the fucking, like, 50s or some shit.
They still pay.
I don't actually know how it works.
No.
My understanding was that they're like, listen, we're going to need our own, like, police
force and we don't want to rely on you guys
because you're gonna suck at it so yeah i think that too how come i can't do that just set up your
own police in your own area just for my dollars okay you could become your own separate you know
town yes then i don't have to pay for the lapd if you promise the state of california several
billion dollars in tax revenue every year i'm sure they'll allow you to do whatever you want
i don't not that big,
so I think I could lower it.
Yeah, maybe you could figure it out.
Alright, that's my problem. The emperor's
new burn.
Burn.
Burn lighting, gas lighting. Lighting the gas.
My problem, Dick,
is, uh,
well, I'll preface it.
What kind of man are you,
Dick? Lazy. are you a beta man
oh are you a gamma male are you a sigma male or are you perhaps an alpha man yeah well that's
what we're talking about today we're talking about the myth of the whatever the fuck this
is what is this called alpha male male? The sociosexual hierarchy.
Oh, that's good.
Sociosexual hierarchy.
Okay.
So as the story goes, there's this constant thing I keep hearing people fighting about.
Who's an alpha male?
Who's a beta male?
They've even started inventing new ones.
I didn't realize there was more than the alphas and the betas.
The sigmas?
Do you know what the sigma male is?
They're like...
The sigma male is the biggest piece of bullshit I've ever heard
because it's basically for fucking lame nerds
who want to pretend they're an alpha male.
Oh.
A sigma male is an introverted alpha male
who walks a more solitary path,
sometimes called lone wolves or wanderers.
So it's guys who go, no no it's not that i'm not an
alpha male it's that i've rejected society and i walk my own path no all right no but you just
need us all to validate it yeah is that your pronouns of sigma male this is all bullshit
it's all bullshit yeah okay first of all we are not wolves we do not not have the social hierarchy of wolves. Okay.
At no point do we go, I need
an alpha male to lead my pack.
Who is the alpha male in your life?
You. Me. I'm
the alpha? Are you assuming you're
the alpha male of yours? I don't know. Me?
What pack are we in in which
you just assume you're at the top? Mr. Medeker probably is the alpha
male. So what is my
Medeker is the alpha male of this online internet hierarchy?
Well, that's where all this anger comes from.
Like the high status individuals set the morals for the group.
But being a high status individual doesn't mean that you command some sort of strange,
magical properties.
I don't know.
I wouldn't want him making fun of me.
Which define your ability as a leader.
magical properties.
I don't know. I wouldn't want to make fun of me as a leader,
but I'm saying I look at a guy,
I look at any guy who's like at the top of a company or leading whatever.
And I go,
yeah,
when it is a guy,
well,
it's a guy.
Okay.
You do have to be a man to lead.
We know this.
It's not the male myth.
It's the alpha male myth.
It's being in charge is a number of different factors.
Could just be,
you're the guy with the most money.
It doesn't mean you're a natural leader or have some sort of special charisma.
Like Jack from Twitter.
That guy's a bitch.
You read his tweets?
Yeah, he's being a total bitch right now.
Or he's like, I'm sorry I didn't run Twitter better.
I really tried.
I really tried.
We tried.
All the decisions were my fault.
Dude, you guys were banning people from saying learn to code.
Are you fucking crazy?
Well, here's the real problem. First of all, not only do we not organize our society
the way wolves do because we're not fucking wolves, but even wolves don't actually, what
do you call it, operate their society in this way.
This is an old 1960s wives tale.
Well, they studied wolf packs and they said, oh, look, see, you know see One will take over and then the younger ones
They challenge the alpha for dominance
And they take over
These were all wolf packs living in captivity
Being studied
I know this one
Wild wolves it's literally just like
The dad and all his kids are the wolf pack
And then the guys go off to find
The kids leave and they form their own wolf pack
yeah they're not like constantly fighting amongst each other to control they're he's like i don't
want to run these they're like dogs yeah you know like the way dogs are they all just kind of
cooperate there's no mythical struggle for like taking over the pack it's just you're the dad of
everyone else in your pack so you're in charge yeah and they get older
and they leave and form their own pack and people don't do that either right like no like well i
don't really know much about you know fishing so do we got any guys who do that i find all this
fascinating uh the sigma male we discussed delta male that's the most common type of guy in the socio-sexual hierarchy.
Delta?
Delta.
That just means average guys who you know are constant, but are always, as an average
guy, you just go to your job every day, do your stuff.
You're always in a position, could you shift into the alpha role, or could you maybe shift
downwards into the gamma?
Change.
Gamma is last?
downwards into the gamma.
Gammas last?
Well, gammas are intellectual,
highly romantic, ideological driven men who hold a
lower status position.
This is gayer than the gay handkerchief
code. You know when they hang like a
colored handkerchief out of their shorts?
This is horoscopes for men.
This is the exact same as, you know, how you get
mad when the transgender people say,
I invented a new gender.
It's called demigender.
I love it.
When they do that, when we do that.
Sure.
Yeah.
We love that.
And in the same way, inventing new types of man is fascinating. See, gammas are desire to be leaders and are envious of the rank and privilege that comes
natural to alphas and betas.
They're jealous.
Yeah.
We're jealous.
The gamma males.
I assume, I assume that. Is there a lambda man? I assumed anyone listening to this, they're going, well, V're jealous. The gamma males, I assume that...
Is there a lambda man?
I assume to anyone listening to this, they're going, well, Vito's just a classic gamma male.
He's envious of the rank and privilege that comes natural to the alphas.
The sigma men who are listening to this show?
All the sigmas are going, just walk your own way.
Well, sigmas are the MGTOWs.
They're saying a lot of the MGTOWs go, well, we're sigma males.
We can't lead society, but we'll go our own way.
I do hate women.
I agree with them on that, but I don't know about that sigma male stuff.
What's fascinating is I did not realize.
Now, maybe this is not.
I'm sure other people use alpha in different terms, but a lot of this whole gamma male, omega male thing comes from a guy named Vox Dei.
Have you ever heard of that guy?
Yeah, but I don't know what he's about.
He's like a science fiction
writer, but he's fucking insane.
One of his favorite
things is...
Remember that Anders Breivik kid who killed
69 kids
at a summer camp? Yeah, he had that beard.
Yeah, because he hated Muslims or whatever.
Which country is he from? Norway,
I think. I bet he's really
unhappy now.
Well, Vox Dei has famously said that guy is the great savior of Europe,
and someday we will erect statues in his name.
So that guy is the reason we're now talking.
The guy who says that the mass murderer of kids at a summer camp
was the greatest triumph of the white race.
How many kids did he kill?
69.
Nice.
That's going to be taken out of context.
That guy is the one who, for some reason, we're now basing this insane gamma male, sigma
male.
How did he kill 69 kids?
It was also like camp counselors and shit.
You didn't hear that story?
I didn't know it was 69.
He went over on a boat.
They don't have any.
He went on a boat to a summer camp.
There was no way off the island.
So he's on an island with a bunch of guns and ammunition
and a bunch of kids and their camp counselors.
The best they could do is jump in the water and try to swim away.
They couldn't kill him back?
What, a bum rush him, I guess?
I don't know, man.
They set up a plan, like dig a hole.
They're at camp, for God's sakes.
Aren't they learning survival skills?
Yeah, why did they build a trap?
I don't know, Dick. This is a horrible
mass tragedy. I'm not gonna
start wondering why the kids didn't fight.
They gotta take their shirts off and put mud
on them like the Predator.
Why were there no Kevin McAllisters there to
set up some cans of paint
on strings? That shit would never happen in the U.S.
Exactly. That guy tried to go after Muslims would never happen in the U.S. Exactly.
That guy tried to go after Muslims in the hood in the U.S.?
Yeah.
All right, here we go.
Good luck, buddy.
Well, that's a possible argument in favor of gun ownership.
Although, I don't know.
Also, what's weird about Norway is I think that guy gets out automatically after 20 years.
Oh, that's the max.
They have a maximum.
It's like, all right, I'll see you guys in 20 years.
And no one's even going to kill him, are they? I don't know what's going to happen. Oh, they got the max. They have a maximum. It's like, alright, I'll see you guys in 20 years. And no one's even going to kill them,
are they? I don't know what's going to happen.
Oh, they got a lot more Muslims now, don't they? But regardless,
we're getting a little
off track. Let me back in!
Let me back in! There's too many! Getting a little
off track. Point is, the guy who idolizes
a mass murderer has set
into motion this
idea that... He started this?
Not the mass murderer, but the guy who loved... Fox Day started this. Fox Day he started this not the mass murderer but the guy who started it
apparently started this entire socio-sexual hierarchy based on this mythical wolf pack
shit which again wolves don't even actually do no way it has to be older than that i think the
concept of the alpha male was but once you start introducing all this omega male sigma male bullshit.
That's kind of like obvious though.
But what are you saying?
But he's the one who did it?
That's what it was called.
Beta has to be older than this.
Alpha and beta.
I don't know exactly what it got started with.
I think alpha and beta might have been
their own thing and then this guy tried to
expand upon it.
Now you have these guys showing up and the he's like well i i see all these incel midgetos
and they want to identify something so i'm gonna tell them they're sigmas man they're lone wolves
you know who else is a sigma male according to uh my research god who john w buddy. You're a John Wick type character. Me?
No, the Sigma males are.
You could be.
Is there some kind of online test?
Like a pregnancy test you could take for this? I don't know how
you get tested for which type of male
you are. Do you have to go to a psychopath?
I just think any guy who spends all his time
being like, I gotta be like an alpha. I'm watching
like five habits of highly
effective alpha males and I'm gonna,, I got to be like an alpha. I'm watching like five habits of highly effective alpha males.
And I'm going to, you know, really dominate the people around me in conversation.
I'm always going to be the first one to speak in a meeting.
It's like, listen, man, just like being confident is not like a magic, you know, fucking thing
that involves Wolfpack hierarchies.
It's just like, yeah, confidence gets you places.
I would just love to be able to blame like my narcissism and being like an intractable asshole on some sort of stupid
philosophy god too much i outfitted up too much so you're like no you're just a jerk i just feel
bad for these guys are sitting around they're going god am i gonna be a beta forever and it's
like you're not any of these things none of are real. They were invented by guys who want to sell you dating books and bullshit.
Like, just...
It kind of fucks with you, like, because...
Well, it assumes that you were, like, born into...
You were born crippled.
It's like transgenderism for the right.
Yeah, it is transgenderism for psychopaths.
I'm an alpha man in a beta body.
Yeah.
You're a sigma, bro.
I'm going to transition into an alpha man in a beta body. Yeah. You're a Sigma, bro. I'm going to transition into an alpha.
I'm a beta, but I identify as an alpha.
They all have these stupid shit.
They all have this identity shit that they rip on the other side for having.
Right.
Like people on the right.
And they're doing the exact, this is the stupidest identity politics nonsense.
It's like absolutely insane.
It's like you're an individual.
There's a lot of complex things about you.
Maybe you're good at some things, bad at some things.
At no point do you get to define yourself as like, oh, well, I slept with a lot of women.
Therefore, I'm a beta with alpha-ish qualities.
But occasionally when I –
But I was also a cocaine dealer.
Yeah, right, right.
Okay, I think that might have been the –
Just don't try to define yourself By these weird fucking illusionary
Archetypes don't define yourself as a wolf
They're animals
They're fucking the beasts of the land
These wolves are not even real
Jordan Peterson tries to say we're like
Fucking lobsters and shit I didn't even get into that
I didn't even look that up where he goes
Well some lobsters want to have sex with other fucking lobsters
It's like yeah animals do stuff It doesn't mean that Some lobsters want to have sex with other fucking lobsters. It's like, yeah, animals do stuff.
It doesn't mean that...
Some lobsters just eat benzos all day.
You know what I love with that?
I'm like, you know, he was dealing with a very serious thing.
His wife had cancer.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, the people he's lecturing are all dealing with serious things.
Right.
What do you not understand?
I've dealt with a lot of serious shit, and I never ended up addicted to benzos.
I got people who actually fucking died.
I didn't end up on Benzos, but whatever.
Good for him.
What was the serious thing?
Oh, his wife was dying while he was super famous?
Oh, boy.
How horrible.
How horrible.
As he's becoming a fucking celebrity.
He was taking Benzos because he was too happy?
Yeah, he's not going to have to see that.
Okay.
I don't know, man.
That's your problem. Don't, uh, we're not animals. yeah he's not gonna have to see that okay i don't know man point is problem don't uh
we're not animals what was it socio the socio-sexual i added the fucking name here
somewhere it's so stupid the fucking name i don't even get it yeah all fine the socio-sexual
hierarchy is that it yeah socio-sexual that sounds the myth of the socio-sexual hierarchy
Or just socio-sexual hierarchy that I think a socio-sexual hierarchy, okay?
Nonsense my here's my problem
And as a proud as a proud gamma, I don't like it
Which letters aren't covered? I don't fight. I don't salon. That's the problem is then the other guys go invent
I'm sure there's a guy right now who's saying I'm an Epsilon man
It's the exact same as coming up with new genders
I'm an Epsilon man
It's the same
You're going
The thing about Epsilon gender is that I have
You know
We're sometimes shy in social situations
But when prompted as a leader we will take charge
Like you're just inventing genders.
It's the same thing.
Bro, you don't need that feather.
You can respond with confidence
without that magical feather.
Don't worry. It's literally just
are you a confident person or not?
You can be confident. You can be less
confident in whatever. You can be confident in some
situations, less confident in others. Have a couple
beers. It'll be alright. Have a couple beers, you'll find your confidence.
Okay, here's my problem.
Doesn't make you an alpha or not.
Last problem.
Getting rid of grease.
What are you supposed to do?
What do you do with this stuff?
Dump it down the toilet.
Oh, no, you can't do that.
The pipe stick.
The pipes.
What's going on?
I shit in the toilet.
Are you telling me that grease is worse than-
Oh, no, it is.
Yeah.
I eat the grease. It goes in my
shit. I know. It's a big problem.
What am I... If you have a
greasy shit, it's almost as bad as just pouring
grease down there. I can't dump it in the sink.
I can't dump it in the
garbage disposal.
As an Italian, every time I shower, I'm just dumping
buckets of grease down there.
I can't... Can I throw it
in the street? No. I can't. Can I throw it in the street?
No.
I can't put it in the trash.
It goes in the bag and melts in the bag.
I got to drink a soda and then put it in the soda can
and spill it all over.
Oh, my God.
No, tape up the can afterwards.
Can of grease.
You got to keep all your grease canister.
What is the worth of...
Or oil?
Yeah. Like I fry a of, or oil? Yeah.
Like I fry a chicken and then what?
What do I do with, what do the chicken frying people do with all this?
You're telling me everyone's getting rid of their grease responsibly?
Because I doubt it.
Yeah.
So why am I worrying about it?
Why is this my problem?
But what do you do with it?
Well, you ever see the, have you ever had to?
I put it in a bottle and then throw the bottle away and it's like well i hope that stays right side up so it doesn't leak
all over but now i got all this grease do you put the cat back on the bottle no it's usually in like
a beer bottle or something oh that's horrible well we're not supposed to do that i'll tell you
that right now i put it in with my monitors that i throw away and my car batteries what do you mean
you're not supposed to do that?
It's all going to the dump.
Who cares?
You're supposed to.
Well, the dump hopefully, I think,
finds your thing of oil and does something with it.
I don't know.
What?
It doesn't really make any sense.
What do they do with it?
Recycle it into new oil?
I guess you got a good point.
I don't know what they do with the bottles of oil.
I think they just hope.
I think they hope that the bottle stays sealed
as they throw it in there is no one no one doing it the correct that way what are you supposed what
are you supposed to do with your oil well i printed out an article okay am i supposed to
take it to the recycling facility how to dispose of bacon grease and oil the right way the best
way is simple throw it in the trash okay how is that there's no way way is simple. Throw it in the trash. Okay.
There's no way that's right!
Just dump it in the trash so it gets soaked into the bags and paper
or whatever? I guess.
But I thought you were supposed to put it in a separate container
before you put it in the trash. Let the oil or grease
cool and solidify.
Once cooled, scrape it into a container
that can be thrown away.
You gotta package it?
Because the container is Once cooled, scrape it into a container that can be thrown away. You got to package it? Hmm.
Because the container is full, place it in a plastic bag, and then throw it in the garbage.
Full?
You got to have a grease container?
I have this whiskey bottle that I put bacon grease in, and then it's like a solid mess.
Why do you put bacon grease in a whiskey bottle?
Because that's what I had empty when I had grease the first time.
Oh, you're saying, so like after you cook.
I didn't want to dump it in the sink.
You're saying after you cook bacon, what do you do with that grease?
Yeah, but any kind of grease.
Oh, I just dump that down the sink.
See, I knew it.
Yeah.
You're not supposed to do that, I guess.
But that's such a small amount of grease.
I thought, you know, like that's too much.
I'm saying like after you fry something something you got all that leftover fry oil
fats can be reused
Do you reuse your oil?
Uh, no, I I put it in a bottle and then I put it in the cupboard and then like a year later
I take it out and throw it away
Because it's turned the wrong color gross. Yeah
uh
Reuse your cooking oil.
Strain the semi-warm oil using a cheesecloth.
Ooh.
What the fuck?
I have so many cheesecloths lying around.
I don't think I've ever purchased a cheesecloth.
I did one time.
For what?
Making absinthe.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Absinthe is terrible.
No, it's good if you make it right. Does it taste like fucking licorice still? Yeah, it tastes like licorice, but you're supposed to put in a bunch of sugar. Yeah. Absinthe is terrible. No, it's good if you make it right. Does it taste like fucking licorice still?
Yeah, it tastes like licorice, but you're supposed to put in a bunch of sugar.
Yeah.
And it's supposed to be loaded with shit that will get you high.
You can't buy it.
You can't buy the old mix.
You can't buy it good.
No.
I could understand mixing it with something.
I just hate that licorice taste.
And every time I tell the story of this, some fucking frat bro will talk about how you actually can get it and it will get you
fucked up. And I have to sit
there and just
listen.
Like, it's hell.
What do you call it?
Wasn't wormwood the ingredient that
supposedly made you crazy?
That's big wine.
The French wine industry
made up this reefer madness story about Absinthe making a farmer go crazy and hacking his wife and his kids up.
Because they knew everybody was buying Absinthe instead of wine?
Yeah, because Absinthe was going crazy.
Oh, man.
Big wine.
Fucking shit.
And they outlawed it, too, for like years.
Yeah, it's a similar chemical to weed.
What the Thujone chemical did to weed.
I'm mad.
I'm mad at society
How to not dispose of it
What are the dangers of oil Dick?
What is the problem with oil?
Did you not get any of that?
Hold on
No
Doesn't it damage the environment or something?
I don't know
I just know you're not supposed to put it down the drain
I feel like you were in an opportunity to tell us what's wrong with it.
Well, I didn't look for that.
How not to do it.
Don't pour it down the drain.
Yeah.
It causes clogs and contributes to larger clogs in the municipal lines that can ultimately
lead to thousands of dollars.
You're telling me that the city plumbing could be harmed and it would only cost
$1,000?
Thousands of dollars? No, because it could
build up in the...
See, because now I want to argue with you because you do have to
dispose. You can't just dump it down the sink.
You are dumping it down the sink. Yeah, like a little bit of bacon
grease. It adds up.
There's a ton of people dumping it down just like you.
Yeah, I know, and it sucks, and I shouldn't even do that
either, and I feel bad about it. You're right.
You'll all keep doing it. No, no, no.
Usually, my bacon grease, you sop that
up with the bread instead of using...
Do you butter your bread?
Yeah. Just use the bacon grease.
It's better. That's disgusting. What are you talking about?
It's just fat. Butter's just fat.
That's what makes it gross, what you're saying.
You don't put butter on bread? Butter's not just
fat. Oh, it's not just fat oh it's
butter fat and what salt milk yeah okay what is it milk is milk is just fucking fat milk is not
everything is not just fat okay well regardless it's like yeah bacon it's like lipids you think
bacon grease on bread is great would you put bacon on a piece of bread?
Yeah.
And if it got greasy, you'd be disgusted?
Throw it away.
Throw it away.
Oil and grease may be liquid when hot.
Huh.
But will cool inside your pipes.
There you go. Reeling and gathering other oil particles.
There you go.
So you can't just dump it down the pipes.
But this is from Roto Rooter Services saying that.
Of course they're saying that.
Well, wouldn't they not tell you that? So that it supposedly... Rolo, this is from Roto-Rooter Services saying that. Of course they're saying that.
Well, wouldn't they not tell you that so that it supposedly, wouldn't
Roto-Rooter be in the business
of tricking you into
clogging up your pipes? What if grease goes down the drain?
Accidents do happen when it
comes to cooking oil disposal.
Especially when you have guests trying to
help, so it's not even your, it is my
guests that are doing it.
Of course, Roto-Rooter would say that.
No, they would say the opposite thing.
Pour baking soda and wine vinegar.
Pour as much fat down your pipes as you possibly can to keep them good and lubricated.
Try an enzyme-based drink cleaner.
Otherwise, the Roto-Rooter man might need to come to your house.
Look, it's just not even worth it.
Poisons dolphins, probably.
Gets out to the ocean.
It's probably nothing. It's just a bunch of bulls. It's dolphins probably Gets out to the ocean It's probably nothing
It's just a bunch of bulls
It's a big pain in the ass
To think about
It's not even worth
Making grease
No
I'm gonna make some bacon
Or whatever
I don't wanna go through
The hole
Well bacon you're not
Making that much grease
Can't you just take
A paper towel
And wipe up the grease
From the pan
And throw the paper towel out
More waste
I mean I guess You're chopping down a tree To make that happen It's a way bigger problem Than any of this other stuff Throw the paper towel out? More waste.
I mean, I guess you're chopping down a tree to make that happen. It's a way bigger problem than any of this other stuff.
Yeah.
Getting rid of the grease.
Yeah.
Well, I was going to say, the problem is that it's hard to get rid of.
Like, it's annoying to deal with.
Yeah.
But your solution seems to be to just ignore it and just get rid of just dump it down the drain
well you know that everyone else is ignoring it so what's the point of you not ignoring i don't
ignore it but you do you said you dump it's a large amount of oil i will transfer it to a
secondary container and then put it in the trash it was a small amount of what like if i've like
you know fried something in a pan.
Not like the residual oil.
Like cooking oil.
Like cooking oil.
Okay.
Yeah.
That's why I have those grease traps outside restaurants.
You ever see those?
They're a mess.
They just dump it straight into the ocean.
Probably.
I don't know what they do. They got the grease man that comes around with his truck.
The grease man.
Sucks it out.
Well, you ever see those guys?
We got to make all our cars run on grease.
That's the future. Oh, biodiesel?
Biodiesel. That was actually
the future. It was cool. I remember there
was a guy in my town who would go to all the restaurants
and be like, just give me your grease.
My cousin did that. Yeah. And then all this
electric shit came out of nowhere.
Bucked it all up.
Okay. Have you seen those
compressed hydrogen whatever?
Compressed natural gas cars?
No.
How they'll blow up sometimes?
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
Some cities put their trash trucks on compressed natural gas, CNG.
Is that like super dangerous?
It sounds dangerous.
It's more dangerous than just like a car.
Yeah.
It's pretty compressed.
Jesus Christ.
How do you compress gas?
I don't even know.
Well, you need...
You squeeze it down?
Yeah.
That doesn't make any sense to me.
You know, cool it down a lot and then inject it into a thing and then have it smaller.
And then it just kills people.
Well, they have a couple seconds to get out of there.
That's fascinating.
They start shooting flames out and they're like, oh shit!
Imagine that. You're a trash man and you've got to be constantly of there. That's fascinating. They start shooting flames out, and they're like, oh, shit!
Imagine that.
You're a trash man, and you've got to be constantly worried that your car's going to explode.
Yeah.
Isn't it already dangerous to be a trash man?
I think they have a... I don't know.
They're always getting trapped and crunched up by those...
No.
Yeah.
Trash men are falling in...
This sounds like getting stuck in the washing machine pornography.
Every time when they go to pick up those trash cans, one will get stuck and the arm
can't pick it up. And then half the time,
the garbage man will fall into the can
and just throw some in the back.
That's crazy.
I did know a guy who...
This was a big story that our...
Did he live in a trash can?
No, but he got chewed up by a mulcher
and sprayed all over a Six Flags.
Really? Yeah, it was a great horror story i'm trying to find the prices right tuba there was my buddy worked for like a mulching company and he's like
there's no work this week and i'm like why it's like one of the guys died
i'm like how'd the guy die he's like well his buddy was spraying the hose of mulch
at Six Flags and then it got
caught but the guy like
working the hose didn't go to like help
him out he's like I'll just get in there and I'll just kick
it free and the guy with the hose
literally ended up spraying his buddy all
over the front of the Six Flags
and like blood
was just coming out the hose and he went oh my
god I think they i think they closed
the i don't they i think they closed six flags for a week because they're like there's just human
debris all over the the front dick died he wanted his he wanted his ashes uh spread at spearmint
rhino uh well close not his ashes he wanted to be spread they wanted to be spread. They wanted to be spread, yeah.
I'm pretty sure this actually happened.
It was like a big story in our town like 20 years ago.
God, okay.
Horrifying.
That's my problems.
Getting rid of grease and
the emperor's new
burn.
Burn.
Mine are the sociosexual hierarchy
and
fake 2D animation. Okay okay go to biggest problem dot show to vote i'm gonna put those up right now go to biggest problem dot go to patreon.com
slash biggest problem to get the bonus episode and to support the show i'll use some voicemails now
okay hey what's up dick and veto love the show uh i want before i say my problem i kind of want to
loop back on the whole uh downloadable game shit like whenever you have to update video games
so you know that a majority of those updates are actually just for like uh you know adding new
cosmetic items to games that uh you might not even actually own or ever really need to buy.
So you're actually taking all the time to, like, download, like, 50 gigabytes worth of, like, content
that you'll never actually own unless you pay an additional fee.
It's really stupid how it's, like, it's mandatory for everybody to download it.
I'm going to submit my problem, though, as like modern day dating.
It's really stupid how like, you know, we're at this point in time now where women just get mad at fucking anything.
As far as like, is it happening now?
You didn't like my Instagram post or, oh, you haven't called me a while.
Or why is it taking so long to text me?
Like, it's making it impossible to fucking
constantly
keep up a relationship. Listen to this beta male.
Sigma male.
Fucking Sigma.
Dude, no, I'm right there with him.
I've been texting with this girl and it's always
every text is like, how come you didn't text
me yesterday? And I'm like,
I did.
Yeah. Or like, she like texted me on like a wednesday but
i literally didn't get it and then she goes you didn't text me back for two days i'm like i didn't
fucking get it what are you talking about oh baby why didn't you just text me again and also why do
you want to text all the fucking time you gotta send her texts oh god when she sends one of those
text her back say oh god this bitch won't stop bugging me about when she's texting me.
Like, oh, sorry.
That was for my bro.
That's the other problem.
Trying to be an alpha male.
It doesn't even work anymore because these women think they have all the power.
I can't gaslight and manipulate them the way I used to.
They're talking about alpha females now.
Oh, God.
Have you heard such a thing?
I just want women to, you know, constantly live in fear that I'll abandon them.
That's the situation I want again.
Back when we had all the power, you know, and it was like, oh God, if he divorces me,
I'll be homeless.
I better shut my mouth and do what he says.
You need a home.
I really fucked that up.
Well, I got nothing.
They took houses away.
You can't even buy a house.
We have no power over these women now.
We can't even provide them a house.
You voted for this.
We gave them jobs.
No, they started doing this long before any of the fucking Democrats.
Okay.
Anyway, you voted for it.
Yeah, I got a big problem with fat women hogging the salad section at Trader Joe's.
Fucking with their giant hips
acting like they're fucking archaeologists
like, what the fuck is this?
Oh my god, this one has kale?
Get the fuck out of the way.
I already know what I want, just leave.
You don't belong here.
No, no, they're trying to figure out
which one has the most candied walnuts.
Fat bitches love the candied walnuts
Their safari hats getting caught in the sneeze guard
Corn and chicken, eh?
Yes, I'll take two or three of these
Shifting down without even turning so they don't miss a single thing
You ever get a Tradere's salad dick no not a
saladman i'm not i don't remember the last time i've been in trader joe's maybe in hollywood
i like i haven't been to trader joe's in a while either i've been going to parking is so
fucked i've been going to sprouts which is like the shitty whole foods yeah it's pretty good um
thanks for the voicemail let's see if if I got it. Thank you, Charlie.
All right.
This one looks spicy.
The white woman would have you believe
that Captain Ahab sailed the seven seas
without suntan lotion
because he didn't eat grape seed oil.
That is a lie.
Captain Ahab was a black
man.
That's right.
Well, some comments
are last week. I knew what
you were saying. You're like, the sailors
in Moby Dick.
Remember you brought that up during the
Seed Oil Debate? Sailors inside Moby Dick.
Inside Moby Dick? Yeah. In the book of Moby Dick? He eats them and they have to escape from Moby Dick
No no no
That's Pinocchio
There's no sailors inside of Moby Dick
Yeah they get swallowed
He's the biggest whale in the world
He swallows them up
And then they have to escape
How long are they in there for?
A long time
Then they come out and they become real boys Yeah okay they're all made of wood escape. How long are they in there for? A long time. A long time.
Then they come out and they become real boys.
Yeah, okay. They're all made of wood.
Just with their legs.
Well, anyway, I had corrected you last
week and I said Captain Ahab was the sailor.
Yeah. But I knew
what you meant. I knew you meant. Oh, yeah.
Sailor's like in the book,
Moby Dick. But it
sounded as if you were saying Moby Dick was a sailor
Which would be incorrect
He was the son of Moby Dick
The sailor
He was Moby Dick's monster
Dick
Do you think it's funny that the black guy who called in
The first seed he goes to is grape seed
He didn't go for watermelon seed No
Rim shot here
I can't do a rim shot
That's what's hilarious
What do you mean?
There it is
Okay one more
Somebody else was commenting That I did a terrible rim shot Maybe that's just my thing There it is. Okay, one more.
Somebody else was commenting that I did a terrible rim shot.
Maybe that's just my thing.
But I'm bummed.
Hero Dick, Hero Vito.
Oh, no.
This your new friend, Chinese man.
I am calling to tell Vito he is right about people in China not understanding Tower of Dagger Knights.
No one on call. Said Tower of Dagger Knights.
No one on call.
Said Tower of Dagger. Why would we find that funny?
Now, if you make movies
about human rights violations,
then you have comedy.
Look at what we did
to the Muslims in our country.
Tiananmen Knights.
It was so funny.
They did not see that coming at all.
Or you could make another movie about searing people
in their apartment that means situational comedy yeah it practically right itself
anyway you both go fuck yourself and have a good day wow oh you're a chinese fan called flens
yeah they don't know flens is his name no the the sitcom where you're seared
in your apartment or the french flens yeah i got there sign far flens all right sign far
we watch a sign far you want to read these uh chats? Some super chats, yes. Let me open this up.
I love super chats.
And thank you to our beloved Chinese listeners.
I know we have listeners around the globe.
Yeah, it's cool that they...
He must be allowed to use his phone.
He must be either part of the political party or...
Well, we support locking up Chinese people indefinitely.
We think it's funny.
Yeah, if you're not me, I don't care what happens to you or what you do to anybody.
Exactly.
Dominic for five.
There you go.
Excuse me.
Dominic says, super excited for the show tonight.
Thank you, Dominic.
Oh, thanks.
Private says, hello, Dick and Vito.
Thank you for the great show okay so now i read
this before the show so i feel like i have to read it now yeah you could have just pretended
this doesn't feel like all right but you did say it you read the whole thing and then you were
shocked about the fairies so you fell for it i don't know if this one, I'm going to say it, but all right.
Are you aware that YouTube fairies are organizing a contest?
Okay.
YouTube fairies.
No, because.
Say it again.
I suck.
No, but look, I didn't say it though.
That one doesn't count.
You to be fairies.
You don't pronounce YouTube as YouTube
if you did you would win
are you fucking kidding me
you see how much creativity goes into this
and you're gonna deny them the satisfaction
of you having said it
YouTube fair is not the same as to be
the word
YouTube
it would have to be
YouTube
YouTube it's not tube fair The word. YouTube. It would have to be YouTube beef.
Oh.
YouTube.
It's not tube fair.
You know what? Tube fair doesn't count.
Here's what I'm going to do.
I'm going to make a reverse one to take it back because you're right.
Thank you.
Hold on.
Let me load up Audacity so I can reverse the sound effect.
I'm going to reverse that.
Are you aware that YouTube fairies are coming out tomorrow?
No, because you don't pronounce it YouTube-y.
You're right.
You're right.
Thank you.
I don't know where this is, though.
Hold on.
I like that you have Vito saying, I'm... What are these drops?
He has a bunch of drops that says Vito is an R slur. Vito is an F slur.
Oh, they're gone.
Okay, you'll have to figure it out some other time.
Okay.
Anyway, I'm going to take back on that one.
Tube fare is not the fucking...
You're right.
Thank you.
Thank you.
You fucked up, Private.
You fucking blew it.
You idiot.
A whole lot of trust the science coming from Vito,
a guy who doesn't even know that for magnets to work on something,
it has to be...
What is the last word?
You don't know magnets, do you?
What's the last word, Dick?
Ferris.
What does that mean?
Is that a magnetic problem?
Iron.
Iron.
Yeah, iron.
It has to be
iron.
But he spelled iron anymore.
Whatever way. Nice try.
When are the Shawnees coming out and do I get a free
one with my super chat?
They're coming out Tuesday.
Tuesday. No.
Turkey sandwich. You can win
one if you go put your Solana wallet
in at Shawnees.art right now
though. I'm going to airdrop a bunch.
Okay.
Turkey Sandwich for five says,
Did you guys hear about the Austrian researcher who was in the news recently?
This isn't to get you to say TBF.
Her name is just Anna the N-word.
Really?
Wait, really?
Is that a real thing?
Austrian Anna.
Anna N-Word?
Is her actual name?
Anna.
Check news.
News.
I don't think if you're, nobody can see your screen.
You can type it in now.
No, I don't want to ever.
You don't want to ever put that in writing.
I don't want to ever put that in your search history.
Send us a link to this supposed article from Anna N-Word.
That's bizarre.
Riley and Friends for $2 says,
this show is not like Largest Issue in the Galaxy.
Are you aware of Largest Issue in the Galaxy?
I've heard of that show.
Sounds good.
Yeah.
I should listen into it.
I think I started listening to it.
Jay Gonzalez says,
when are we getting Biggs Problem merch?
That's a good question.
I had some ideas for that.
You know what?
My merch guy just sent an email out this week saying that he quit because all the shirts are so expensive and
shipping so expensive he's like i can't make any fucking money yeah that's what's pretty much going
on well we could use something like one of those stupid print on demand services and we'll probably
make a dollar a shirt but if people just want a shirt yeah i think it's just cool if people want a shirt. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah
I've also proposed a tier on patreon
Where you get like a monthly shirt. I know the margins are terrible. There's so the shirts are so shitty No, some of them are nice. This one's one of the print on demand. I got this print on demand. I like this material
Alright, it looks good. I'll do it for you
I was just thinking it would be cool
You get like my idea was was it would be a monthly shirt
based on something stupid from the show.
But that's like $30 a month.
Oh no, it'd be like
$50 a month.
Who's going to give $50 a month for a fucking shirt of the month?
I saw other Patreons.
It's not about the shirt. It's about your
part of something.
Then just give us the $50 because we won't get anything
on that shirt.
The fucking Printful people will give $29.99.
I know they get all the money.
I don't know. We'll figure out a way to
make sure it's available and we'll probably make less than it.
We'll probably lose money selling them.
RareStateCube says, I love when Dick
talks about his nephew. Reminds me of how
I mess around with my nephews.
It's fun being an uncle.
Yes, it is. David Ellery
for five says, settle an argument.
I say John Hughes movies are all trash.
If I had to pick the best one,
it would...
What?
If I had to pick the best one, it would have to
be Ferris Bueller's Day Off.
I suck,
Cox. Oh, wait, You had two in the bank.
So now I get two subtracted ones?
You get two subtractions, yeah.
If you had to pick the best John Hughes movie,
it would have to be Ferris Bueller's Day Off.
That is a good one.
Mike Hunt for five.
Big Gonzaga.
This one is bullshit.
No way.
I have a big Gonzaga anime recommendation
set in a hair salon called
every channel.
So to be fair,
no,
you got me one.
I'm supposed to subtract two.
All right.
Thanks,
Mike Hunt.
I can't wait to watch the hair.
I'm not going to not play it though.
Cause he made a clever thing.
I'll play the opposite ones.
For $5.
I think the best old show program was cop motorcycle fairings.
Gas Grapers is good,
but the best problem has to be...
What is a fairing?
This is bullshit.
It's the cover on the motorcycle.
I'm not reading that one.
That's bullshit.
Well, you already said it.
But you interrupted it.
I didn't say the last part.
Well, you said what is fairing.
You interjected words. I didn't say the last part. Well, you said what is fake.
You interjected words, so it didn't count. I'm only going to read the ones that I think are truly clever, or if I actually get tricked.
Okay.
Have you ever done...
All right, Russell for five.
Have you ever done a show where you write the problems for each other and have to argue
for that problem convincingly, no matter how absurd it is?
So I would have to give you a problem.
That would be terrible.
Yeah. Anytime you get too gimmicky with it, it's. So I would have to give you a problem. That would be terrible. Yeah.
Anytime you get too gimmicky with it,
it's like,
I don't know,
sometimes you can do it.
Me and Andy Signoria were doing a...
It's too cute for my blood.
Well, we were doing a cute one
called Best Movie Ever
where we take a really shitty movie
and we have to find
like three or five things
we each like about it.
That was fine
because you can even find
something you like about bad movies. Yeah. But whenever you have to... like three or five things we each like about it. That was fine because you can even find something you like about bad movies.
Yeah.
But whenever you have to, I remember one guy tried to do a show where he debated both sides of an argument.
You're like, you know, one side is going to be disingenuous.
Yeah.
You know, you don't truly believe it.
So like a lot of the show is just figuring out why you really hate something and explaining it.
It's not like coming up with stats or arguing.
It's like, no, I hate this because this is why I hate it.
I deeply feel it in my soul.
JSLing for 10 says, hey, Vito, you're looking especially handsome today.
Have a good day, hunk man.
Thank you, JSLing.
The Coke Master for two.
Hey, Vito, thoughts on you?
See, again, YouTube fair use.
Yeah, it doesn't count.
YouTube fair is not. No, no, no, no, no. Sorry, buddy. You fair use. Yeah, it doesn't count. YouTube fair is not.
Nope.
No, no, no, no.
Sorry, buddy.
You don't know how to speak right.
Nope.
Mike Hunt for two.
Al Dillix Huxley wrote about Alpha Beta before Vox Dei.
Okay.
Yeah, I mean, I'm sure the Alpha Beta thing was around before, which is also bullshit.
But then the fact that it has evolved is not surprising to me, and it is also bullshit.
Yeah.
Crack Ass a Crack of Two says,
Zig, Zeon,
Feddy Scum.
Probably German.
It's a reference to my hat, Dick.
Oh!
I have a hat of the Zeon.
Oh, no, no, no.
This is my Federation hat.
Like Star Trek?
No.
Star Wars?
Gundam! Gundam.
Gundam.
Okay.
These are the Federation, the Earth people,
and he is a member of the Space Nazi Zeon faction
who has taken issue with my Zeon apparel.
Usually someone says like,
oh, what does that mean?
Before you explain more stuff about it
like they'll say
you'll say
no he's talking about my hat
then I'll say like
oh like
can you tell me more about that
yeah but instead
I just tell you
because I assume
you're interested
yeah
alright
Gundam's great
biggestproblem.show
biggest problem
or patreon.com
slash biggest problem
we're going to do a bonus episode
the biggest problem in Star Wars
and you don't want to miss it
so come check it out
bye guys