The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 64

Episode Date: November 14, 2022

Autism, People Who Don't Use the Turn Lane, Effective Altruism, Enslaving Indie Directors...

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 It's empty. Your spot is empty. Oh, and he's appeared! Would've been funny. He's appeared. I should've had a Josh Denny cutout, too. Pop in a frame. It's another week. You could've had a red beard over your beard and gotten a
Starting point is 00:00:13 Ha ha, it's actually me! And changed your hat. A lot of people were mad that I missed the show. Yes, of course, because it's not the show. When it's not the two of us. I mean, we are great. It's like a different. It's a different vibe.
Starting point is 00:00:27 My favorite part when there's a sub in the show is getting lectures from people about what makes the show good. Yeah, that's like, well, either you got no show. That's what they don't understand. It's like, well, we could have just not done any show. At least you got something. But they refuse to settle. I mean, you're, I know. I'm the one that thought
Starting point is 00:00:47 it was a good idea in the first place. I know why it's good. Well, see, the reason why is because you and Josh agreed to. Yeah, I know. What do you want me to do? I know that, man. Yeah. Well, I had to go to Las Vegas. I didn't have to go, but
Starting point is 00:01:04 it was good for me to go. You went to that mom convention, is that right? I went to go to Las Vegas. I didn't have to go, but it was good for me to go. You went to that mom convention. Is that right? I went to a middle-aged woman convention and featuring the great Andy Signore, who's been on this show. Yeah, he's great. Did you get any? I was close. How close?
Starting point is 00:01:22 There was a situation where I basically had to choose between Getting some and doing karaoke And What? But I felt like skipping karaoke Would have been like rude And also I love karaoke Rude? To whom?
Starting point is 00:01:39 To Andy who brought me out This is rude to me Not getting laid. How did you have to, did she not understand that you had obligations to do karaoke? I don't know if I should talk about this, but it was like a situation where one of these ladies was clearly, you know. Too drunk. Down to hell. Well.
Starting point is 00:02:01 That was the other thing where I was like, look, she's really drunk. And, you know, she's one of Andy's fans, so I don't want to, like... You definitely shouldn't be talking about this. Yeah, exactly, right? You've got to make her walk a line. I don't want to, yeah, I don't want to, like... You've got to say, say the alphabet in any order you want and starting wherever. It was one of those situationsituations where like Andy would go
Starting point is 00:02:25 Vito don't fuck My drunk fans Like something bad Is going to happen You were drunk too though Right? Yeah yeah yeah So that's okay
Starting point is 00:02:31 This cancels out Yeah You were a fan of her too I went the moral route And I said you know This would probably be bad And I don't think Anyone's going to be happy
Starting point is 00:02:40 With the situation Yeah And you regret it Well of course I regret it But hopefully We go back out there And uh
Starting point is 00:02:47 Hopefully next year Even bigger Even better But yeah We went out for the Johnny Depp concert I saw that uh Johnny Depp like
Starting point is 00:02:54 Recorded a stinger For Popcorn Planet Dude he Andy went backstage And like did like A 40 minute interview Basically Oh my god
Starting point is 00:03:01 Yeah and he got it All on tape What did he ask him I don't know I didn't watch it. What color was Amber Heard's asshole? Just kind of like, hey, like, he was basically trying to be like, are you aware of all these people who support you
Starting point is 00:03:14 in this YouTube community we have? And he's like, yeah. I think he even said he's like, sometimes I would watch your guys' videos when my lawyers weren't like telling me what was going on. Like, weren't keeping me up to date on the case Yeah, so yeah, he basically said thanks for all you've done which is a crazy for Andy's Channel and community and everything Andy asked about me at all with Johnny Depp. He asked like are you familiar with?
Starting point is 00:03:41 Selfish yeah, I know he didn't invite me backstage What would you have done? I was sitting in the nosebleeds It was fine He gave me a free ticket So I'm not complaining Sounds pretty good What would I have done?
Starting point is 00:03:51 And you didn't sleep in your car You were saying? No I even got a See this is The funny thing I was talking with Andy He goes Yeah
Starting point is 00:03:57 He's like Isn't it great Like that I've traded My shitty dirt bag community For this one Which is nice and supportive And all these people love me. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:06 And I'm like, yeah, my audience is still a bunch of people who call me a cuck and an F slur. Like, oh, they call you a cat rapist. Yeah, a cat rapist and a pedophile. And then like his audience, it's all these people going, we support you, Andy. You're so wonderful. And I'm like, I'm like, I do want what you have. Yeah, but you're not that guy.
Starting point is 00:04:22 You're not positive. I'm not that nice. Yeah, you're not nice at all. I am nice. I'm not that nice. Yeah, you're not nice at all. I am nice. I just they've made me crazy. You're like the head of a beer. That's the amount that they whack off before they bring it to you. That's your nice.
Starting point is 00:04:35 I think I used to be way nicer and then the internet makes you fucking crazy and all these people coming at you all the time. So you gotta get hard. You're gonna be, no, don't fuck me. Fuck you. You're wrong. You're hard? Yeah. Now I have the, no, no, no.
Starting point is 00:04:52 Now I have a shield around me than any criticism. Just what? Gets absorbed by you and turns into anger? And turned into pure energy which I regurgitate back at my haters. I gotta do, well, I'm off Twitter now. Yeah, so. My friend Mixter Roboto is back.
Starting point is 00:05:08 Oh, that's good. I gotta start, I gotta bring in my bit of who's Vito beefing with on Twitter this week. That would be pretty good. I keep finding. It's always black guys. It's not always black guys. And they're always, and you know what I love about them? Sometimes they'll do like a mammy, like, like impersonation to show how you want them to
Starting point is 00:05:23 step in line, but they'll go like, Oh yes. Oh my God. That's very good. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Are you ready to start the show? We're just going to talk. No,
Starting point is 00:05:32 there's so, there's so much going on. Like Mr. Girls. Everything's just a fucking mess. Biggest problem. In the Universe. Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe.
Starting point is 00:05:52 The only show that ranks every problem in the universe. From venues getting stage fright to who is the true Israelites. I'm your host, Nick Madison. Joining me as always, back in the seat, back in the saddle again, and I don't mean a bike saddle. Vito just walled me. Hey, I'll take the bike. You just gotta, I keep coming by at night and, you know.
Starting point is 00:06:13 I've been meaning to do stuff too. Yeah, it's always that. I gotta pop the wheel off. Oh, really? Then you can take it. Yeah, and I found the tools to do that, but you know. Why are you gonna pop the wheel off? So you can fit it in your car. Oh, we'll fit it fill with the wheels. We try it. Let's get crazy and try it
Starting point is 00:06:28 Well, there's a it doesn't work. We'll just leave it in the street There's a bunch of shit in the back of my car so I got like what Vegas stuff. I took the Vegas all your karaoke gear I'm so good. I love karaoke. We should do karaoke. I Hate karaoke why well cuz there's people it's people having fun doing something badly. That's like my worst nightmare. You have to have a good karaoke. That's like the whole world. There's no difference between karaoke and just everything else to me.
Starting point is 00:06:52 Yeah. And then you have to wait your turn to get attention. That's the problem. Yeah. It's just you wanting to do a show. That's how I feel. As I'm like, once all the stooges are done, it's my time to shine again. Normally, in a social situation, you command the attention.
Starting point is 00:07:09 Yeah. So it's 95% on me and 5% on doesn't matter. Miscellaneous, right? Too many slices. The pies are too thin, so they just say, like, see the back if you want to see it. Karaoke, you have to give even the boring kid. Yeah, it is communism for attention. Everybody gets a little bit of attention.
Starting point is 00:07:25 Yeah, okay okay Are you interested You just gotta pick longer songs Than everybody Oh yeah Yeah Are you ready for the Yeah Results from last week
Starting point is 00:07:33 Do you even care Cause you weren't here Like do you even give a shit About I mean I'm I'm as interested As any other audience member Which is to say
Starting point is 00:07:42 Not at all Honestly Honestly I haven't listened To the episode yet That's fine I didn't listen to any of yours other audience member, which is to say not at all. Honestly, I haven't listened to the episode yet. That's fine. I didn't listen to any of yours when people called in. Good. Unnecessary safety warnings. That's number one. Whose was that? Guess. Feels like a you problem.
Starting point is 00:07:59 Correctamundo. Boom. Venue cancellation. You're never going to guess. That's a Josh Denny problem. That's obvious. Boom. Fakeue cancellation. You're never going to get it. That's a Josh Denny problem. That's obvious. Boom. Fake straights. I want to say that's you again. All right.
Starting point is 00:08:17 Wow. Jersey burning. That's a Josh Denny one. Dang. Wow. And then you're never going to get it. How's there a fifth one? Well, I don't know. We're getting sloppy in the last one. Josh goes a lot Denny one. Damn, wow. And then you're never going to get... How's there a fifth one? Well, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:08:26 We're getting sloppy in the last one. Josh goes a lot faster than you. Is that good or bad? Well, it's just different. You got to stretch it out. Yeah. He's like a jackhammerer. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:37 You're like a star laying back in bed, starfish. It is. You got to have... I think people do get on podcasts and they talk real fast. I've seen that cited as a problem He's just a funny guy He's got a lot going on He's got a lot of stuff in his head
Starting point is 00:08:53 Black Israelites Well that was him again right Incorrect That was you Damn Dead last in the negatives That was negative People like the black Israelites They love them because they're just goofy rascals They're just fun they're just hanging out
Starting point is 00:09:15 Jews are like mr. Wilson and the black Israelites are like Dennis the menace Just a really bad job of selling that pro Whatever it is. I don't know. They were on an island together. Dennis the Menace got raped. How did that show go? What was that?
Starting point is 00:09:31 That's not Dennis the Menace at all. I'm pretty sure that's something like that. They were on an island. Are you talking about Gilligan? No. Okay. All right. We got N. Ropasi.
Starting point is 00:09:42 Maybe it's that British Dennis the Menace. Yeah. Yes. Vito complains about being behind black people in the drive-thru. I wasn't even here last week, and the things are still about me. This is bullshit. But proudly states that he holds up the line to get his free Frosty and requests re-dos when he gets ice in his soda.
Starting point is 00:10:02 I guess that's who's the real black is real light here. You know what? I have to say it. That's a good point. Benjamin Swearingen said, great episode. Josh is a great co-host. Oh, wow. Thanks. See, he's supportive people. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, that's what y'all should do, you fucking negatives. Again, can we have a fan base that's just like a little bit nice? Although some people have been
Starting point is 00:10:19 saying very nice things in like private. Do you want like a nice week where everyone says nice things and not sarcastically? I'll say this to the fans. You don't have to keep DMing me going, hey, I know I noticed the fans have been really harsh on you. I hope you know that, you know, there are guys like us
Starting point is 00:10:36 who support you. I'm like, yeah, I know. I know. Like, don't worry about it. I'm happy with it. And there's another hater born. There's a lot of people who are really like concerned that I'm like going to snap. I've gotten emails like that, dude. Like, you got to be nice to your viewer or he'll quit. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:50 And I'm like, I tell these guys, I go, listen, man, if you pay me money to do a thing, you can like take a dump in my mouth. I don't care. Like, and the show's fun. The contentious and the fighting, it's all part of the fun. Yeah. I know some co-hosts of other shows lost their fucking minds over audiences not respecting their comedy genius or whatever the fuck. But there's a steady paycheck in it. I'll believe anything. By the way, he's on fucking Twitter today.
Starting point is 00:11:18 Can I read you this one? Oh, this is what fucking Brainiac says. Maddox says, all joking aside. Okay. So your normal way to fucking pontificate and lecture people on Twitter from when you're wearing a virtual banana suit and a hobble that you haven't paid rent on in a year and a half since COVID was a little glimmer in our eyes. All joking aside, losing Twitter is really going to hurt a lot of people. People who've spent years cultivating an audience here who've come to rely on them to sell their art
Starting point is 00:11:53 only to lose it all overnight because a billionaire wanted to have some epic lulls. Let that sink in. Oh my. What a deep and incredible thought. This motherfucker sued Patreon because they didn't delete my account. Yeah, he tried to get Patreon sued.
Starting point is 00:12:10 Sued and possibly shut down, whatever. He's got voicemails of this guy all over town telling venues that I'm a white supremacist and they gotta cancel it. Oh, he's the cancel culture king. He's the king of cancel culture. He's the Batman of cancel culture. He's the Batman of cancel culture.
Starting point is 00:12:25 Him and Keffel should team up. I don't know which one's Robin. He doesn't want to hurt artists. They're both Robin. He thinks artists need to be protected. Yeah. That's what matters. In which case, I'm like, well, why don't you spend more time making YouTube videos and shit
Starting point is 00:12:40 instead of just trying to get people's stupid comedy shows canceled? But he can't make videos because nobody wants to see him. Nobody wants to see or hear him. They just want to read these idiotic, like, Andy Rooney commentaries. He had a post that was, like, all over, huge viral, and it was like, why, why do we have to buy a case for a phone? That's a design flaw. It's not a fucking, what are you talking about, man?
Starting point is 00:13:06 Yeah, there's different cases depending on your style. It needs... You know, a little extra protection. Extra battery. Yeah, yeah. You can get a case that suits your unique need.
Starting point is 00:13:17 But gangbusters, because everyone is a moron. Yeah. And they all love that shit anyway. Okay. There's gotta be a way for him to monetize that. Sterlet, Vito's name being on Josh's screen means he's responsible for everything he says.
Starting point is 00:13:30 Yeah, we do not have a two-person graphic that doesn't have our names on there. I think we might. I don't think I made one. I just didn't have it up. No, because I didn't make one. Oh, you didn't? No, because I never anticipated a show where... Where you weren't here?
Starting point is 00:13:44 Where I wasn't here. No, because I never anticipated a show where you weren't here. Where I wasn't here. Steve says, jersey burning like all the people who burned their expensive Carhartt clothing or broke their Pit Viper sunglasses. Also brings to mind all the people who threw out their Michael Vick jerseys and then bought new ones when he went to the Eagles. Yeah, I guess that's true. Yeah, Michael Vick just got away with it, huh?
Starting point is 00:14:06 Got away with fighting the dogs? Yeah. Everyone's like, ah, let them kill each other. Did dogs die? Some dogs must have died, right? Do dogs die?
Starting point is 00:14:14 No, I meant like in the fighting pit, in Mike Vitt's fighting pit. Definitely. Well, that's sad. Why did he do that? That's like a culture thing, I think.
Starting point is 00:14:23 Yeah. It's the Israelite in him. It's the Israelite. He just needed to see something bite for life it is you know but then you hear you know about chicken fighting i'm like yeah but that's fine they don't have souls the way dogs do well yeah i'd watch a cockfight um okay i think that's about it what do you well dick i of course have my favorite segment oh yes and what's the name of that segment? Well. And better than ever.
Starting point is 00:14:46 It's better than ever. Just play that stinger. Hit it. Once there was this kid. I know this one. Didn't go and vote on the problems on the website. He finally came home He found Someone had murdered his family He should have fucking voted
Starting point is 00:15:15 You know you gotta vote Vote it up Well, that's a warning to you folks. You gotta vote up these problems here. On this show we have so many famous problems. Can we please do like a parody album? I really want to do some
Starting point is 00:15:33 parody songs because they're fun. Let's take a day and do it in 24 hours. No one's ever done a Christmas album in 24 hours before. And then we throw it up. I think it would be fun. I really want to do some parodies. I was actually saying today I want to do some parody songs. I think it would be fun. I really want to do some parodies. I was actually saying today I want to do some parody songs because I think people would love them.
Starting point is 00:15:49 Anyway, don't forget, you can always go to thebiggestproblem.show and vote on past and future problems. Let's get some of these old problems up, one of which is celebrity voice actors. Now, this is not a celebrity voice actor, but I'm worried that he will be replaced by one. News came today that Kevin Conroy, best known for voicing Batman on the long-running TV show
Starting point is 00:16:09 Batman the Animated Series, has died after a short battle with cancer. Short battle? You don't have to say that. I don't know. I was really weird about that. You don't need to say he pussed out in the battle with cancer. It's really weird that they're saying,
Starting point is 00:16:24 he battled cancer but not very well. Just because of his manliness. What they're saying is like he found out that he had cancer and then he died very shortly after and I'm like well don't call it a short battle. Concrete embankment. Yeah it's very weird. A short
Starting point is 00:16:39 battle of cancer. It's cause of the whole cancer. I was gonna bring this in. This whole fuck cancer thing is just died of cancer. Yeah. because of the whole cancer. I was going to bring this in. This whole fuck cancer thing. It's just died of cancer. Yeah. He died after pitting his forces of good against the unholy forces of cancer's darkness. This was Norm MacDonald's whole bit, obviously. You know that joke where he goes, the last thing that you did on earth was lose a battle.
Starting point is 00:17:01 That's a terrible way to go out. Yeah. You know, I don't want to lose a battle That's a terrible way To go out Yeah You know I don't want to lose a battle Hey speaking of Comedians Of the best comedians Gallagher died And we should probably
Starting point is 00:17:11 That's true And Gallagher's getting Way less attention Than Kevin Conroy And less than Norm And he's funnier than Norm Gallagher's funnier than Norm I mean he broke
Starting point is 00:17:20 Those melons Like no one's business Well he also had like Why does House Like why do you pronounce it ow? And then it's like moose. He had like a bunch of like comics jokes and stuff.
Starting point is 00:17:30 Comedy genius. I remember watching a special where he had a giant fake couch. Yeah, I saw that one. With the trampolines. Yes. And he'd just jump around on this big fake. That guy was a mastermind. I tell you what.
Starting point is 00:17:42 Because guys like me at home You probably are like Smart guys Like making clever jokes They get all the attention All the glory I'm like Well we're the guys That are like jumping on big couches Where's the guy with a big
Starting point is 00:17:52 Oversized couch That's smashing fruit That's what we want Where's the guy that's ugly With a small face And then he walked out It's like Whoa
Starting point is 00:18:00 I could be a comedian too Honestly I think The absurdity of Gallagher Does deserve A little bit of respect. More than Norm. He's funnier than Norm. Not more than Norm. Not going to say that.
Starting point is 00:18:11 Norm couldn't even smash a watermelon, probably. Maybe not, but his witticisms were legendary. I hold him in higher regard than Gallagher. Gallagher was better. Didn't Gallagher have a brother that like stole his act? Too much Gallagher for one man. There was like two Gallagher's like competing with each other. That's right.
Starting point is 00:18:31 And his brother had to like sue him when he's like, I owned Smashing Watermelons under the name Gallagher. You're not allowed to do it. Look, Don, you're like that woman that me too'd Norm. Yeah. But then when he was dead, said he groped her or something. There better be some bitch that comes out and says Gallagher Gallagher did something horrible
Starting point is 00:18:47 Smashed her with Well hopefully nobody Comes out against Kevin Conroy A Batman the Animated Series Aired for 85 episodes On Fox Kids And Conroy's deep
Starting point is 00:18:57 Gravelly Batman voice Was widely acclaimed That was the best Batman By critics He is Batman Or he was The rest sound so dumb I'm worried again
Starting point is 00:19:06 though, now they're going to make like a Batman animated movie and they're going to get Seth Rogen to go, oh man, I'm the knight. It's going to, just get guys who can do a Batman voice. But no, no one could do that Batman voice.
Starting point is 00:19:22 Although Mark Hamill was the Joker. He's the one celebrity voice actor. But that was different because his celebrity had like kind of voice. Although Mark Hamill was the Joker. He's the one celebrity voice actor. But that was different because his celebrity had kind of faded. I mean, he was still always Luke Skywalker. But you didn't know it was Mark Hamill. Yeah, that's the other thing. That's why it's not a celebrity voice actor. Right.
Starting point is 00:19:34 It wasn't him doing just his normal voice. Yeah. Famously, Roger Ebert reviewed Batman Mask of the Phantasm. And he goes, I really like this movie But I hate the voice Of the Joker Whoever they got to do that Oh really He doesn't know
Starting point is 00:19:48 He's shitting on Mark Hamill Right now Yeah it was hilarious And then he got throat cancer And then he got throat cancer And retribution How about that Watch you shut your mouth
Starting point is 00:19:53 Take that Roger Ebert Roger Ebert Short battle Well another Almost instantaneous He lost his shirt No he lasted a little bit He's just
Starting point is 00:20:01 Remember when he lost Half his jaw And went on Oprah And you're like Oh man Oh god That was fucking weird Which one of you Has a weirder chin No, he lasted a little bit. He's just, I remember when he lost half his jaw and went on Oprah and you're like, oh man. Oh God. That was fucking weird. Which one of you has a weirder chin?
Starting point is 00:20:13 And you're like, okay, just don't do the interview. Get out of here, Ebert. Fuck. Just go, yeah, go rest. Go rest. Avatar or something. He had like a scarf like loosely wrapped around him too to like maybe hide some of the- He had Siskel's corpse that he was bringing around too like with a puppet.
Starting point is 00:20:30 Weird. Second problem. I actually want from the previous episode of Venue Cancellation. This is a follow-up. Oh, okay. From Josh Denny, attempted to put on a show in the town of Rutherford, New Jersey. I believe this was- Nuke it.
Starting point is 00:20:44 Yesterday or last night. Maybe the night before. The mayor of the town issued a letter saying unbeknownst to the borough, an event was planned this evening for the Williams Center, news of which quickly circulated through social media. Online
Starting point is 00:21:00 intelligence led the police department to believe the event had the potential for confrontation. After discussions with the owner, the event has been canceled. So let's be clear. It wasn't canceled by the venue being like, oh, we're worried about the backlash. The police strong-armed the venue. The government stepped in and said, you need to shut down a comedy show and make sure that no free speech happens here tonight
Starting point is 00:21:26 See if the venue hears about stuff And they want to shut down It's unfortunate But it's within the letter of the law This could actually be illegal It should be For the mayor and the cops To be going to venues
Starting point is 00:21:37 And going You can't host those guys Because it's gonna We're gonna have to come out It should be illegal for them to even suggest it Yes Like that's what I was saying With the whole The Facebook
Starting point is 00:21:45 Twitter Like portals That they gave the government To say what was this info And I'm like It should be illegal That they even like Suggest
Starting point is 00:21:53 Suggested it What might be disinformation Yeah That's true This is crazy I hope I hope That these guys
Starting point is 00:22:02 Try to do some sort of Legal action Cause I got a better idea What's that? Let's Let's fuck the mayor's daughter I hope that these guys try to do some sort of legal action because... I got a better idea. What's that? Let's fuck the mayor's daughter. Okay.
Starting point is 00:22:10 That'll really show her. Let's set up a fake Tinder profile and set it to her area and got like a really handsome one. And then we'll fuck her and we'll revenge porn her. No, no, no, no, no, no. Just fuck her and break her heart. That reminds me, we have a live show next week. Long Beach. I think live.biggestproblem.show
Starting point is 00:22:32 Did you set that up? That link? I think so. Live. Yeah. Okay. Go to live.biggestproblem. Okay. Alright. You can buy the tickets. BYOB. BYOB. We had to pay extra so it's BYOB. That's why the tickets areOB BYOB We had to pay extra So it's BYOB That's why the tickets
Starting point is 00:22:46 Are 35 bucks But that means But then you don't have to Buy alcohol Unlimited liquor Yeah So as long as you like drinking And whippets
Starting point is 00:22:53 You know Whatever you want Well Within reason Nothing illegal Yeah of course Well I don't think you're allowed
Starting point is 00:23:03 Are you allowed to do whippets? You're allowed to decorate a cake. Yeah, okay, fair enough. Sure. I was in the grocery store recently, and there was just like a Hispanic woman buying just a can of, what do you call it, whipped cream. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:17 I really had to resist the urge to go, ah, I'm whipping it, huh? I think she was. We went to Vegas with a friend one time, and she pulls her luggage out. Yeah. She's like, one luggage. And I'm like, oh, yeah, is that it? And she's like, no, I got one more. And she pulls it out, and it sounded like a...
Starting point is 00:23:32 It sounded like a... Just a bunch of clanking cans. Clanking cans, yeah. Anyway, guys, live show. We got to sell some tickets. I don't actually know. We don't know how many tickets we sold, because we don't have the... Probably sold out.
Starting point is 00:23:43 Josh Denny has the bag. It might be sold out. I don't know. I mean, you could still buy tickets we sold because we don't have the. Probably sold out. Josh Denny has the bag. It might be sold out. I don't know. I mean, you could still buy them now. But we're going to have a packed house. Hopefully, Josh is going to do kind of stand up. Yeah. I guess I have to do stand up, which I'm dreading.
Starting point is 00:23:56 Do you have new jokes? Well, why do I have to do new jokes? I don't have to do all new material. Because your stuff last time was like Truman Show. That's like 20 years old. Yeah, well, whatever. I have like Monica Lewinsky jokes. Yeah, I'm going to do some. All new material Because your stuff last time Was like Truman Show That's like 20 years old Most Yeah well Whatever
Starting point is 00:24:06 Still funny Monica Lewinsky jokes Yeah I'm gonna do some What do you call it Now I forgot already Oh I spilled Someone call Monica
Starting point is 00:24:16 Bill Clinton Bill Clinton With the blue dress I'll do I'll do some new stuff Okay I have some I have some jokes that are
Starting point is 00:24:24 I don't know But the old stuff People like the old stuff Got some great Harry Potter jokes You know Those are topical of course I have jokes about stuff That hasn't even happened yet
Starting point is 00:24:36 Oh wow Yeah I'm excited for that Okay Is that it? I think that's it Vote it up at the website Biggestproblem.show
Starting point is 00:24:44 Once there was this kid I don't know This is a good one You like this one? I think that's it. Vote it up at the website, biggestproblem.show. Once there was this kid. I don't know if this is a good one. You like this one? Well, now I'm like, I've been trained on 30-second stangers. He finally came home. You want to go first or you want me to go first? Well, you won. I won, okay.
Starting point is 00:25:02 Someone had murdered his family. I think yours is funnier, though. Which one? Okay, I'll do mine. This is not funny. I did a dark one. I should have fucking voted. This is funny.
Starting point is 00:25:12 Jesus Christ. This is... Mine is called... Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Never mind. I'm not used to the life. Mine's called... Get in your super chats now.
Starting point is 00:25:20 Mine's effective... Effective altruism. Have you heard of this one? Effective altruism. It's called effective altruism. Have you heard of this one? It's called effective altruism. This is a real thing. And it's a problem. It's called this. It's a big problem. I became aware of this when that whole FTX
Starting point is 00:25:35 crypto trading platform I was going to ask if you got caught up in that at all. Dude, I have avoided every single one of these by like six hours. Holy shit. Like a matter of hours. Like cleared, clicked the email, and then it's like, we're no longer doing withdrawals. We're no longer doing withdrawals.
Starting point is 00:25:52 Oh my fucking God. I was kind of worried. I was like, holy shit. So this guy, Sam Bankman Freed. Yeah. Who's a fucking asshole. And apparently it's all like a house of cards. This is fascinating. Itman Freed. Yeah. Who's a fucking asshole. And apparently it's all like a house of cards. This is fascinating.
Starting point is 00:26:09 It's even worse. Yeah. Like he, he got everybody's money. He got everyone to put their money in his thing. And then they would like trade the crypto with other crypto. Yeah. Like thinking one would go up and one would go down. Right.
Starting point is 00:26:22 Just like a stock market, but for crypto. Sure. Like I'm gonna buy Ethereum. I'm like, no, no, I'm gonna buy Bitcoin. And then they go up and down and you leverage it and you trade it. And he takes a little tiny bit after every down. Right. Just like a stock market, but for crypto. Sure. Like, I'm going to buy Ethereum. I'm like, no, no, I'm going to buy Bitcoin. And then they go up and down and you leverage it and you trade it. And he takes a little tiny bit after every one, right?
Starting point is 00:26:30 And that's fine. You can make billions of dollars doing this, right? That's what stock traders do, yeah. But instead of just making money, he decided to give all of that money to a venture capital firm that then gave 10 billion or
Starting point is 00:26:46 16 billion dollars to like 500 companies like investing, but it's really just their pals. I can't really give you some money. Make a thing, make a thing. He was giving away a ton of money. All of it. So it's all, he just gave it away. For funsies.
Starting point is 00:27:02 Yeah, and his response when it all happened, when it went down, his response was, let me make sure I have this quote right. I'm sorry. Yeah, I saw that. Somebody posted in response to that. Did you ever see the South Park? Is it like the BP president or something apologizing?
Starting point is 00:27:22 Yeah, DP. We're sorry. We're really sorry. I'm apologizing. D.P. We're sorry. We're sorry. We're really sorry. I'm so sorry. So the reason I've always hated this guy is because I hate people who make their brand like about charity because I don't believe them. I don't buy it. Like nobody's like that.
Starting point is 00:27:38 Yeah. The fact that you're even telling anybody is an ad. And after some digging, I found that this is called this specific type of charity. And it's very specific. And I'll tell you why. I'll get to why it's so bad. It's called effective altruism. It's defined as sacrifice-free altruism.
Starting point is 00:27:57 So he's not losing anything. Right. The definition of it is we're helping people. And they use the example, the guy who pioneered this is, well, if you saw a kid drowning in a shallow pond, you'd save them. Because you don't have to sacrifice anything to do it. Right.
Starting point is 00:28:11 That's what we're trying to do. Right. Right? So they're selling this as like you're saving a drowning kid. But what I'm saying is it is not possible to do good without significant sacrifice. Right? Yeah. In most, well, is there any, you can do good in some situations, right?
Starting point is 00:28:32 No. Because there's. Because it doesn't count? Because there's predators at every stage. Yeah. In your altruism looking to fuck you over. That's true. And take your money.
Starting point is 00:28:41 That's true. And do exactly what this motherfucker did. And give it to all their friends so they're selling this like slacktivist version of altruism where you're not you're not like doing charity you're not lobbying the government like you're not using like you're not relying on like your core morality to define what problems need to be solved. You're just sitting in a fucking live workspace, setting up meetings with other people in their live workspaces over Zoom, pretending to spend someone else's money on other live workspaces full of people like you.
Starting point is 00:29:18 It never gets to the end person. No, no, because they're helping. If they help the company, isn't it going to trickle down, Dick? It trickled down to their fucking friends. This guy is the perfect example of effective altruism. You just stole $16 billion and gave it to your fucking friends. He also gave a lot to the Democrats. I don't know if you saw that.
Starting point is 00:29:43 I did see that, but I didn't want to make this political. Wasn't he like the number one Democratic donor? I think he gave him like 500 million dollars or something. Because he didn't want to go to prison. I've hated this guy for a long fucking time. There's nothing that would make me happier than him and Elon Musk sharing a jail cell where somehow
Starting point is 00:29:59 they're both the ones getting ass raped. Because I hate them so much. Put an ass rape machine in the cell with them every six hours. You were going to say something real bad. Even a big guy named Tyrone? First premise. Go ahead. First black Israelite.
Starting point is 00:30:17 First premise is suffering and death from lack of food, shelter, and medical care are bad. Can you imagine this is your first premise and you're doing a TED Talk? Is this the hierarchy of needs, basically? It's not. It's like a retardarchy of needs. Hierarchy of being retarded. If it's in your power to prevent something bad from happening without sacrificing anything nearly as important,
Starting point is 00:30:40 it is wrong not to do so. The whole premise of it is offensive to me and bad because it sells people on this idea that doing good is possible to do without any sacrifice or effort. Well, I think you bring up a good point that you can be taken advantage of by trying to do good. And that's the pitfall. Yeah. It's not like a homeless guy is like, oh, I just need a dollar. And you go, a dollar. by trying to do good. And that's the pitfall. Yeah. Is that like a homeless guy's like, oh, I just need a dollar. And you go, a dollar.
Starting point is 00:31:08 Well, that's nothing, you know? And you give it to him. And then it turns out he uses it to buy a gun to kill his wife or something. Like, you don't know, you know? Yeah. Yeah. The idea of it.
Starting point is 00:31:18 Right. And the idea of it is what's being sold to everyone in this fucking hippie cult. Well, not even hippie. This Silicon Valley. I think they were super hippies, though. Like, didn't he fuck everybody? Like, everybody who worked there had been in a relationship.
Starting point is 00:31:31 There's like a 10% polycule. They all lived in the Bahamas. So he's giving this story like he drives a fucking Corolla, a used Corolla around like Warren Buffett, who's another fucking F-slur that I hate. But meanwhile, he's living in a $300 million mansion in the Bahamas in a fucking weird, ugly polycule. Yeah, it's like a 10-person weird poly relationship, and they're all fucking each other and stealing your Bitcoin. It's a really good scam.
Starting point is 00:31:57 I wish I had gotten in on that. I wish I was going to get in on that polycule. Well, apparently it was just like Kids he met at like MIT Or like Former buddies And they would just All move to the Bahamas Fuck the shit out of each other And steal everybody's ethereum
Starting point is 00:32:10 Yeah And I'm like man That sounds great And give it to their pals Yeah Who would give it to their pals At no point Someone's getting out of that situation
Starting point is 00:32:17 Looking good Not him This is 16 billion dollars So the effect of altruism Is stealing it from Normal people Yeah And giving it to rich people. And at no point did any poor people get it.
Starting point is 00:32:29 So there was this, they had like a charity group that got a little taste. I don't know how much, but not much. And they all resigned. Oh, what, the charity heads resigned because they got a bunch of money? No, because they saw this this they're like, oh We didn't know we were working for Hitler. Oh Yeah, we just want to walk away now Wow They also had a some sports arena the FTX arena. That's not gonna remain that way. They already took it down real
Starting point is 00:33:02 Yeah, they took it down. Really? Yeah, they already took it off. This is fascinating. By third premise, by donating to aid agencies, you can prevent suffering and death from lack of food, shelter, and medical care without sacrificing anything nearly as important. Conclusion, therefore if you do not donate to aid agencies, you're doing something wrong.
Starting point is 00:33:19 Okay. Is that, are they actually arguing that or is that like a hypothetical? Yeah, so it's not, it's not just like be charitable because it's like cool and nice. It's like, if you don't be charitable, you're evil. You're a bad person. Okay. Or you're immoral. I'll just do immoral things then, I guess.
Starting point is 00:33:35 Why not? If I'm already a bad guy, I might as well be bad a lot. If something worth doing, it's worth doing fucking right. I don't know how I could be worse than stealing 16 billion fucking dollars though This is your Joker moment, I feel You want me to donate money to charity? I'm just gonna go kill all those kids I don't know if you gotta do that, Dick
Starting point is 00:33:54 I'm already doing that Like, I don't know how to be worse than either you This poster boy for effective altruism The new age, like, new version of just charity Or the fucking government. It's impossible for me to do more evil than you guys. Right. Yeah, he is the most evil.
Starting point is 00:34:14 Was this like something he posted or just the summary of what he's been up to? This is like the inventor. This is the whole idea. Of effective altruism. Who invented this? Just some weirdo? Like, do people subscribe to this? Some pedophile. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:34:30 And that's the answer to, ah, some pedophile. It turns it into, like, this personal decision, like, if it's like, donate to this charity, we're gonna, like, help the environment, then you kinda gotta think about it and go like, oh, yeah, okay, well, what's the trade-offs? Yeah. There's gotta be, like, a good effective altruism. Yeah, which charity do you even donate to? Who knows? Yeah. You might donate. We'll just give it to our like, oh, yeah, okay, well, what's the trade-offs? Yeah. There's got to be like a good... Yeah, which charity
Starting point is 00:34:45 do you even donate to? Who knows? Yeah. We'll just give it to our, you know, think tank. Yeah, a lot of charities are bullshit. Some charities,
Starting point is 00:34:52 people will tell you are actually bad, you know? Like teaching women to read. That's not the one I... That's a bad one. That's not the one I said. I don't think you said that. Teaching the man away. Now that I don't think you said that. Teaching the math.
Starting point is 00:35:05 Now that I don't approve of at all. Oh, you can't teach the math. Keep women out of STEM. Don't be crazy. That's what I say. Yeah. Well, Dick. That's my problem.
Starting point is 00:35:14 That's a pretty good problem. Earn money to give it away. It's a big fucking scam. Fuck these people. You know what? I would say it sounds like whoever came up with that has a certain brain developmental disorder, which I am calling the biggest problem in the universe. And that is, of course, autism, Dick.
Starting point is 00:35:31 You're so right. Autism. Also known as autism spectrum disorder. Fuck that. It's a range of neurodevelopmental conditions characterized by difficulties in social interaction, verbal and nonverbal communication, and the presence of restricted and repetitive behavior.
Starting point is 00:35:50 Other common signs include struggling to form friendships, trouble with conversational skills, pervasive interests, stereotypic body movements, ritualistic behavior, and unusual responses to sensory stimuli. Basically, everyone in our audience. Now, Dick. This is the audience you were saying is not nice enough? Unusual responses to sensory stimuli Basically everyone in our audience Now Dick
Starting point is 00:36:07 This is the audience you were saying is not nice enough I love this Well they're getting a little bit back I'm throwing a little bit back their way The problem is when they throw a little bit back It's like 10,000 people throwing a little bit back It's like okay I just need a minute guys
Starting point is 00:36:23 Look not all of our audiences are autistic because according to stats, only one in 44 kids has autism, but that's still pretty high. It's a lot. It's a lot. How much autism does one in 50 have? Well, that's the other weird thing about autism is that there's a lot of different disorders that are all contained under the subheading of autism. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:36:43 And they actually fight a lot about like, well, that's not really autism. Autistic people do? Yeah. That and the doctors and whatever else. I really think autism is a big, big problem. I'm not going to try to stump you on this one. It's a scary one because back in the day, it was four to five kids and every 10,000 to uh well this is saying half of all kids in 2025 because they never counted before well that's the other thing like
Starting point is 00:37:13 maybe yeah but still it seems like it is growing though that's because they got the internet this is actually this is what i this is a big problem i have with autism yeah these motherfuckers have ruined the internet. Go ahead. Because they internet ten times as much as everybody else. Thank you, honey. They internet all the time and they just come in to every community and fuck it up, puzzle it
Starting point is 00:37:36 out with their autism. People are kind of curious and want to know more about them. They think they're funny and they're not funny I should be excommunicated from every on there worse than furries and Pedophiles get rid of it. Well, we're not I don't know if the odds Jesus Christ My focus is more on autism as a disease. Your problem is autistic people. Yeah fucking shit
Starting point is 00:38:01 Is autistic people Yeah Fucking shit up For the rest of us No it's not the same It's not the exact same Problem I will say though Yeah it seems people are
Starting point is 00:38:10 Confused by autistic people And maybe do give them Too much leeway And you gotta be like Hey this guy's just Fucking weird You know We don't gotta bend over
Starting point is 00:38:17 Backwards for Yeah like Chris the Kiwi Yeah you don't gotta He says He always says Well it's cause I'm autistic And you know You can't use that as a shield
Starting point is 00:38:25 Yeah, that's not reasonable Now, you'll hate this stat, Dick Okay Boys are four times more likely To be diagnosed with autism Than girls So This is affecting our young boys
Starting point is 00:38:37 And And All boys Do they get better parking? With the handicapped I don't know Can you get a handicapped sticker If you're autism?
Starting point is 00:38:44 I don't know They would know I don't think so i know everything it's not they know they never know anything good it's just like trains and world war ii it is funny that you bring that up because again like even the research says individuals on the autism spectrum will obsess over certain topics like airplanes or trains worthless and it's very hard for them to engage in any sort of conversation. It must be something about, like, the technical aspect of it. Trains? Yeah. It's Sonic.
Starting point is 00:39:15 Well, I think it's, like, stats they get excited about. Oh, yeah? Well, like, how big a train is, what tonnage, and how much it can haul, and how much coal's getting shoveled in the back of the fucking thing. I don't have coal engines anymore, but you know what I'm talking about. Yeah. Did you ever watch The Onion?
Starting point is 00:39:29 The Onion's best thing there, well, one of their best things was the autistic reporter, like Michael something or whatever, and he'd go out and he'd go, I'm here at the site of a, someone was murdered by a train. The train hit a man.
Starting point is 00:39:44 The train was this big and he's like talking to the conductor and the conductor's like yeah it's just hard you know like somebody gets on the tracks and he goes what kind of train is it how big was the train yeah how fast was the train moving and i'm like that's pretty good because they are like that they're very obsessive on one thing now but nothing good nothing. Nothing good, no. They, they, I don't know what it is. They'll like focus in on one thing. You ever see an autistic kid in like a restaurant watching the same YouTube video over and over again? Oh, that's autistic?
Starting point is 00:40:13 Yeah. Yeah. No, I have an autistic half-brother. He's a little piece of shit. And he would just get hyper. Keep him off the internet. He's non-verbal So he could not type
Starting point is 00:40:26 Oh no Oh it's the worst Okay He's one of the ones Who's probably gonna be In the home care For his entire life Okay
Starting point is 00:40:31 But he would just get Like a little iPad That was the only way To shut him up Was to go like Here's the wiggles And he would just All he knew how to do
Starting point is 00:40:38 Was rewind to the same 20 second portion Of one stupid song And the wiggles going Where are the fucking wiggles The wiggles And he'd go Back where are the fucking wiggles the way goes and you go back where the fucking way goes over and over and you're like what is in his fucking head that that's like comforting it's crazy there you know how mr. girls me tooing destiny yeah well I don't know if me tooing is I don't yeah if me too-ing is... I don't... Yeah, go ahead.
Starting point is 00:41:05 What do you think is going to happen with that? What do I think about Mr. Girl me too-ing? What do you think is going to happen with that? No, I don't think anything will happen. That's the thing. I don't think Destiny's in any... And Mr. Girl has basically said he's like, I'm not trying to de-platform Destiny
Starting point is 00:41:18 because I don't think... Trying to de-platform that pussy is what he's trying to do. He said... Can't be doing that. Mr. Girl was approached by these women who said because he he had a falling out with destiny he said to destiny i think you're kind of abusive the way you treat the people around you and uh i just don't want to be a part
Starting point is 00:41:37 of it anymore well whatever he said i still like you and i'm still interested in you but i don't want to appear on your show anymore because i feel like it's toxic for me for a number of reasons. You need to say that's bitch behavior or whatever else. But yeah, that's his choice as a grown individual. It's a lot of wordy. Sure. I don't say it like Zia. But then, you know, he made it known that the reason he was leaving Destiny's community
Starting point is 00:41:56 was because he felt like it was abusive. And then these women come and they go, well, if you think it is abusive, I have a story for you. These women are like, attention? What? Yeah. They're are like, attention? What? Yeah. They're like meerkats. What? Attention?
Starting point is 00:42:08 Where? Where's some attention? Oh, there it is. They go to him and they go, I was abused by Destiny because he's like an empathic individual. Over and over and over. Getting abused, bitch. He feels like he has to Do something on their behalf Yeah
Starting point is 00:42:27 When it's possible And I told him I'm like Listen these bitches Like They're playing you I don't know if they're playing him But they're all
Starting point is 00:42:35 They're playing themselves Like now they've all turned back And they went Oh Mr. Girl Tricked me into giving him Screenshots of Destiny Sexting with me And I'm like
Starting point is 00:42:43 You went to him! Nope. And now it's a whole thing. Yeah. Um, I forget why I mentioned that. Yeah, it has nothing to do with autism. No, it had to do with autism. That he's autistic or No. Destiny's autistic. Fuck, I forget now. Well, sorry. Somebody's. It was related. Someone's behaving
Starting point is 00:43:00 autistically. What were you saying? I was saying that one problem going on is that we're trying to solve autism and these guys keep showing up and going What were you saying? These neurodiversity advocates want greater acceptance of autistic behaviors, saying that it should be accepted as a natural expression of the human genome. The common criticism for these people is that you self-diagnose yourself or you're a high-functioning autistic person and have no idea the struggles of having a half-brother who will shit in his pants for the rest of his life. So shut up. You don't
Starting point is 00:43:46 know. Oh, man, that kid ruined my family. I hate to say it. Like, oh. It seems like it would. Yes. Trying to take care of, like, a non-verbal like, needs constant home care.
Starting point is 00:44:02 And you're like, I want to go out, but I literally can't Because this thing This kid will die You know Without someone here To monitor it Either that or
Starting point is 00:44:11 I'll shit in his hands And spread it all over the walls It was just like I was like This is torturous I tried to I was like Just put the kid in a home
Starting point is 00:44:20 And they're like No I can't God will be mad at me Oh no really Yeah there was some of that Oh wow There was always the God is punishing me With this child
Starting point is 00:44:31 And I was like dad Yeah shit like that Did he nail himself to your brother? But as someone who has witnessed Autism is a huge problem I mean I feel bad for these kids You know and We gotta figure out like why are there so many
Starting point is 00:44:50 Why cause it is causing trouble And we can't It's also like man we got a good solution for this Yeah Well I don't wanna have an Throw mama from the train You know they love trains So let's get them out there in one big train
Starting point is 00:45:04 We'll fix everybody's problem. We could have a very respectful like Soylent Green type ceremony. People are very uncomfortable with that. Yeah they really are. Even like if they can detect it in the womb. Yeah they don't even want you to abort them or anything.
Starting point is 00:45:20 They're like he's gonna have no quality of life. Yeah. What about you? Yeah, don't you wanna have Do you wanna spend I mean, there's always those mothers who like Did you ever see the mom who gave birth to like A kid that had no brain It was just basically a brain stem
Starting point is 00:45:35 No, it's like There was enough there for it to like breathe And be like Have a tube shoved down its throat To keep it alive Yeah It's like, it's my little miracle baby And you're like, there's nothing there
Starting point is 00:45:44 You both should be killed, honestly. Like, that's fucking, that is not a human. And you are kind of freaking me out. Kind of sick in the head. Something's wrong. I trust murderers more than you. At least I understand where they're coming from. Now, look, I don't want to argue for eugenics or whatever else.
Starting point is 00:45:59 That's eugenics. I kind of want to argue for eugenics. Well, it's not eugenics because you can't, like, get rid of it. It's just like a severe mutation. It's a problem that we can't fix. We're not civilized enough to fix it and we're
Starting point is 00:46:13 too civilized to get rid of it. There are high functioning autistic people who, you know, it's fine. Go rape your mom or whatever. You know, Chris Chan, of course. That ended badly as well. was hilarious Not hilarious Really bad situation People are still selling those medallions though
Starting point is 00:46:29 I know I kind of Yeah That's the funny thing Somebody posted like a fan art of Chris Chan Yeah And some kids were like Younger people were like
Starting point is 00:46:37 I don't understand He's a rapist Why would you post this Cause it's funny Yeah it's funny Awesome We're memeing We think that shit's funny
Starting point is 00:46:44 What are you talking about fortnight so we know autism leads to parental rape we know it leads to uh fixation with trains i guess if you're autistic like it's just a woman yeah right does it still have some kind of like negative pheromone effect on you i have no idea i don't know it's a big problem and uh and they've ruined the internet Yes Autistic people have Totally ruined the internet Just filling it with like
Starting point is 00:47:09 Wiki Like a million Wikipedias About Sonic the Hedgehog And every appearance he made And The people who are like I'm kinda autistic Like the people online
Starting point is 00:47:20 The self diagnosis Yeah Or even if they've been diagnosed But they're like They can function normally sometimes But they'll pretend to be way more autistic Yeah And blame everything they do on it
Starting point is 00:47:30 When they slide into Like narcissism And whatever Yeah Kind of fucking Things Annoying things they're doing And they're like
Starting point is 00:47:38 I'm just fucking Like Oh I didn't take a shower today Because I'm so autistic Like nah man Isn't that cute and fun Yeah they like try to. They like fetishize it in a weird way.
Starting point is 00:47:48 Fetishization of autism. Yeah. Maybe that's a different problem. That's a different problem. It all starts here. Maybe I went too broad, but autism is a problem, guys. We got to get rid of it. Vote it up.
Starting point is 00:48:00 My problem is people who don't use the turn lane. Yeah. The turning lane. use the turn lane. Yeah. The turning lane. When turning. Yeah. Yeah. Even when driving. If you pull in and just go for a mile and a half, I'm not going to hold it against you.
Starting point is 00:48:15 No one was using that lane. But the people who, this happens to me all the time because I go to Pilates. Yeah. It's full of women. Tiny little parking lot. Yes. They're all balancing a cell phone that they haven't looked at in an
Starting point is 00:48:29 hour. A big old coffee. I was going to say, they always have that coffee for some reason. In their Porsche Cayenne Can women drive without a big iced coffee?
Starting point is 00:48:38 Is that possible? Well, they can't drive. Yeah, so they can't. No one. Science. It's like a Tootsie Pop. No one will ever know know I do have to say That when I went
Starting point is 00:48:47 To Vegas And I'm talking With all these women I go well I do that podcast With Dick And some were like Yeah I tried listening to it It's a
Starting point is 00:48:55 It's a little much I'm like yeah We We kind of go at you guys A bit hard I'll admit We love our female listeners Of course we do.
Starting point is 00:49:05 You know how to drive, probably. Yeah, like Destiny loves his female listeners. Yeah, well, he's having sex with all of them. So I go, I pull in every time, like clockwork. Yeah, professional. In the turn lane. In the turn lane. In the turn lane.
Starting point is 00:49:22 You pull outside. If there's any women listening to this, that's the lane that has yellow on both sides that nobody's ever using. And you're like, why is no one ever using? Why? Why would they make this lane? Maybe it's for fire engines. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:49:36 It's actually for you to pull into and slow down to turn into the left. You're talking about the middle turn lane. The middle turn lane. Between two, Between two regular lanes And I get in that lane and I sit And every fucking time Some chick in any of those cars That I mentioned
Starting point is 00:49:54 Will sit there and just wait And they'll wait and they'll wait And I'll say bitch You gotta go for it You got a whole universe You got a fucking empty You got a fucking empty You got miles of open space in front of you But there's a car like two miles down the way
Starting point is 00:50:10 I can see it's headlights You got nothing over there Go in the turn Go in the fucking turn One guy coming You get in the turn lane first And then you start looking That's my problem problem is and this relates
Starting point is 00:50:27 to it is drivers who don't realize that there are other human beings driving the cars oh yeah so if you pull out and turn even if you're like off by a little bit the other car will go oh well there's a car clearly in front of me and we'll slow down a little bit to allow you to complete the like no that thing's just gonna Keep traveling At the exact same rate Of speed And there's no possible way
Starting point is 00:50:48 Every time I see what they're doing And I think they're just Gonna turn straight into the They're gonna turn straight Into the road aren't they Yeah Every time
Starting point is 00:50:57 And every time Both And it's like a You know Like a solar eclipse That both of the lanes Will stop going Yeah Cause there's all kinds of There's a Whole you know, like a solar eclipse that both of the lanes will stop going. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:51:05 Because there's all kinds of women. There's Whole Foods there. There's a Target. There's all kinds of stuff for women to do. It's all the ladies stuff. Yeah. Every time they go all the way across, they cut through that turn lane like it doesn't even exist. Like it's a phantom zone and they're trying to get out of it.
Starting point is 00:51:22 Whoop. Sometimes they'll go all the way into the fucking far right lane, which is the only lane they feel safe in. Yeah. These ladies are not driving. But it's the turn lane. People who don't use... Some men.
Starting point is 00:51:36 I'm sure there are men who don't use it. Yeah. They're probably doing it like out of spite. We don't have to say it's a women-only problem. We can be fair in our assessment. Probably one out of a hundred men. Do you see this problem in your life? Driving around? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:51:49 Well, I'm in a very Chinese neighborhood. I don't know if that relates to it in any way, but strangely... That's where the women-driving gene comes from, actually. The Chinese. Genghis Khan couldn't drive for shit. You're on a 23andMe. It's like, wow, I'm 10%. Can't drive. Korean, can you? That would be so shit You're on a 23andMe It's like wow I'm 10%
Starting point is 00:52:05 Can't drive Korean Can you 10% can't drive That would be so great If I'm the 23andMe It's just like Listen we don't know
Starting point is 00:52:12 What Asian you are So we just put Can't drive Can't drive Yeah It's one of your You might experience Issues
Starting point is 00:52:19 Yeah This is what This is what they're gonna play When I'm not allowed To be an SNL writer SNL My anti-Asian hate. Yeah, I don't want to write for SNL.
Starting point is 00:52:26 You're a little old to be dreaming of SNL dreams. How old was what's-his-name? Who? It's the guy who got the job and then Shane Gillis. How old is he? He's probably in his 30s. 30? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:52:39 What are you? They hire older guys. Hold on. Let's see. What, do you have a packet that you're going to send them? No, no I'm not trying but I had a buddy who sent in a packet No, I don't want us. I don't know if I want to say was it good. Did you read it read his packets? I don't know Shane gills is 34 so he was the exact he was born the same year as me
Starting point is 00:53:00 Yeah, but he was already trying to get like four years ago, yeah. Yeah, you're like not even close. I'm not trying to get hired on SNL. What do you want to get hired to do? Well, I do want to do, I'm going to get a TV show at some point. That's happening. You got to write it. The Super Killer animated series is going to happen, folks. When's that coming out?
Starting point is 00:53:20 Well, actually the artist, his schedule is finally freed up, so we're going to turbo through it. What does that mean? He got a bunch of work, and I was like, yeah, you know, get it done, whatever. You know what we should do? Instead of doing a comic book, you should write the script, and we should do it with those faces, with the cutouts. Like, oh, super killer!
Starting point is 00:53:39 Hey, I'm Batman! I'm not Batman, I mean! Come over here, and you're like, I'm here to utilize fucking Ipsom character with the thing on his wiener. Whatever, I will kill you. That's Clutch Cargo did that. I'm throwing money at you. That's my, I got a van with all this money from Simpson it.
Starting point is 00:53:58 I'll throw it at you. Synchrovox was what they called that technology. That needs to come back. They were like, how do we make cartoons as cheap as possible? And it was like, well, just put the mouth of the guy. But they had to draw the faces all huge so the mouth would fit on them. So Clutch Cargo had a giant face. Okay, that's my problem.
Starting point is 00:54:19 People who don't use the people. People who don't use the people. Same gender, non-specific. People don't people. Gender non-specific. Well, my problem, Dick, is I stole this term, but it seems to make sense. The Sundance to Spandex pipeline. Maybe that's a little stupid.
Starting point is 00:54:40 But the real problem is. Like a New Yorker. Yeah, I know. I think it was from New York. Where'd you steal it from? It was probably... I think it was the Washington Post. Gay Quarterly Magazine. All right, well, I'll give it a different name then.
Starting point is 00:54:50 No, it's good. It's indie directors getting forced to make cape shit. Now, I went to see Black Panther 2. I will not spoil it. Oh, where'd you see it? Englewood? I saw it at the Burbank AMC 16. You should have gone to a...
Starting point is 00:55:02 It was... Enfranchised area I got free tickets though I went to the premiere Oh wow Yeah Well a buddy gave them to me So it's not like I got invited
Starting point is 00:55:11 But uh I might I'm gonna get on those lists I think I wanna get on the lists Where you see the free movies And you talk about them It sounded like you got
Starting point is 00:55:20 The tickets at first It did sound It was exciting Somebody gave them to you Yeah well he said I could use his outlet's name and apply for stuff. So it was this guy. What do you call it? Nerd Report.
Starting point is 00:55:31 He runs a site, Nuke the Fridge, which used to be popular. Indiana Jones. I don't know how popular it is. Yeah. It's a good name for a website. Anyway, I saw Black Panther 2. It's not like a perfect movie. But the thing is, there are parts in it that are really good.
Starting point is 00:55:45 And they're the parts that are like kind of like a cool indie filmmaker clearly took these parts of the movie seriously. Yeah. And then he gets to the big CGI action sequence and goes, honestly, this is dog shit and I don't care. Do whatever you want. I was like, wow, all those like indie like film moments. Honestly, I was like, I forgot that movies could be good. Because I've just been watching Marvel and Star Wars trash for the longest time. And being like, I don't have time for any real movies.
Starting point is 00:56:12 I think actually your job is depressing you. Yes. Because I don't watch any of that shit. And it's horrible. I really hate it. It's terrible. It was the weird thing about watching Black Panther. I went, oh man, movies can be awesome.
Starting point is 00:56:24 There were some great shots and acting and cinematography. Was it a about watching Black Panther. I went, oh, man, movies can be, like, awesome. Like, there were some great shots and, like, acting and cinematography. Was it a lady was Black Panther? The lady becomes Black Panther. But she's an excellent, she was, like, an excellent actress. I was actually, shut up. Whatever. It was good. And then I remembered, well, yeah, because Ryan Coogler was, like, you know, an award-winning indie filmmaker.
Starting point is 00:56:42 He made Fruitvale Station. Yeah. About the shooting at the made Fruitvale Station. Yeah. About the shooting at the SF BART station. Oh. I think that shooting actually happened. Yeah. There's a station in- Town in Oakland called, yeah, Fruitvale.
Starting point is 00:56:56 In San Francisco called Fruitvale? It's in Oakland. What were they shooting at that station? No, it's, trust me. On guys' mouths? All of Oakland is ghetto. There's no gay people there just people of a certain demographic okay they're gays too i remember i was living in oakland when that
Starting point is 00:57:12 shooting happened but anyway uh oakland's a shithole yeah sorry ryan coogler i know you love putting it in your movies and romanticizing it but it is a shithole but anyway they take these guys they've done they do this constantly, where they take guys who direct, like, these award-winning indie films, and they don't go to them, they go, well, what crazy ideas do they have? They go, you're making Superman. It's like, well, I don't know if I want to, it's like,
Starting point is 00:57:36 you are... Why do they do that, though? It's, I don't know, because I guess they're... Just give it to a, give it to an AI. Well, what's happened? Like, this AI made Black Panther 2. It probably would have, yeah, that's all you want At this point Wakanda's now Wakanda
Starting point is 00:57:46 And then like The quartering comes out And he's like I fucking hate you Fuck this shit Yeah Like we hate the quartering I think
Starting point is 00:57:54 Well what happens is There was like That famous period In Hollywood Where a bunch of young Hungry guys Showed up all at once It was like
Starting point is 00:58:02 George Lucas Steven Spielberg Oh yeah Francis Ford Coppola Whatever They all showed up In at once. It was like George Lucas, Steven Spielberg, Francis Ford Coppola, whatever. They all showed up in like the same stretch of years. And Hollywood has been trying to replicate that period of success. And that's like what Kathleen Kennedy was doing with Star Wars. She's going, Ryan Johnson, you're like weird and quirky. Why don't you make Star Wars?
Starting point is 00:58:24 That's why they were doing that? Yeah because she's She grew up with you know she was It seems like such a waste and like You're fucking that guy up forever Yes like you're it's like that guy That filled in for like Ringo Starr for like a week When he was sick it's like well that guy's life's ruined
Starting point is 00:58:39 Forever he could never be You're talking about the guy Before Ringo Starr took over? No, no, no, Pete Best, not Pete Best There was a guy that filled in for Ringo on a tour Because Ringo got sick And it was like two weeks or a week where he was a beetle basically And then there's like a picture of him at the airport going home And just being like, that's it
Starting point is 00:58:57 Yeah, his life's over You can never What do you even dream of? I saw the eyes of God Like I'm not really doing space anymore. I don't care. I had a couple names. Taika Waititi, who directed What We Do in the Shadows,
Starting point is 00:59:11 and then gets stuck directing multiple Thor movies. And then he got yelled at for banging two chicks. Yeah, well, that makes no sense. He should be allowed to bang two chicks. Everyone should. Chloe Zhao, who directed the Oscar-winning Nomadland, goes on to make Eternals, which was dog shit. Are they just hamstringing these people so they can't make good movies?
Starting point is 00:59:36 I think what it is is they're just desperate to find people who can make these franchises work. They want to breed The next Steven Spielberg And get them young So they're shackled to the studio forever Yeah Like Kanye's saying Yeah so like Christopher Nolan
Starting point is 00:59:53 Is like forever shackled to Warner Brothers They want to own These good directors So they grab them And like entice them With promises of giant piles of dollars But then these guys just go like Well I want to like make personal films as well. And they're like, no, make dog shit and make millions of dollars.
Starting point is 01:00:12 And these guys go, well, millions of dollars is pretty great. I'll just do it once. Yeah, I'll just do it once. And then they're like, well, then they get like the big mansion and whatever else. And they're like, fuck introspective journeys and shit. I just want to make trash. I didn't even realize this. The guy who made Moonlight,
Starting point is 01:00:28 remember Moonlight were on Best Picture? It's about like a gay black kid like discovering. I didn't watch it, I watched that twice. Oh yeah. That guy's making Lion King 2,
Starting point is 01:00:38 the like CGI Lion King. It's all crap. Yeah, I mean, imagine if Spielberg wasn't allowed to like come up with all his new franchises. With Jaws. Jaws all crap. Yeah, I mean, imagine if Spielberg wasn't allowed to come up with all his new franchises. With Jaws. Jaws, E.T., all this new shit. And they're like, you're making Spider-Man
Starting point is 01:00:52 forever. No, he'd have been making Gunsmoke 3. Yeah, exactly. If he was just making... It would have been cowboy movies and shit. Good, Bad, and the Ugly 12. Good, Bad, Ugly. Good, Bad, and Ugly 12. 12. Good, bad, ugly. We can take this. Good, bad, and ugly.
Starting point is 01:01:06 Drunk. Uglier, drunk. Yeah. This whole franchise system that never ends. It used to be like movies would end, and now you can just grab a guy. Christopher Nolan should not have made three Batman movies. It should have been like- They were all dog shit.
Starting point is 01:01:19 Yeah, they're all not great. It was just dumb. Yes. But Inception was good. And that movie with gravity Like black holes and stuff That was good Yeah well that's the thing Except for that thing
Starting point is 01:01:30 With the books And the stuff I still I like it all That's the thing Is like they do promise them that They're like You're gonna be like
Starting point is 01:01:37 A Christopher Nolan Where after you make us A billion with the Batman movies Then we're gonna let you off The hook But I don't think They're gonna let these guys off the hook. So you're saying we're missing out on good content.
Starting point is 01:01:47 Yes, we could be having really, like, as I said, I watched Black Panther, and somebody else said, they're like, if you got rid of all the superhero garbage in this movie, it would be infinitely better. I'm like, yeah, because this guy should just be directing good movies. But movies are dog shit, because anybody who's good at making movies, they snatch them up and go, you to make ten jurassic world sequels, and they're like well Okay
Starting point is 01:02:11 See they take the guys like Sam Hyde Kanye yeah, okay, well smush them down Those are probably those are the some of the greatest black white, probably the two greatest creators of our generation. Sam Hyde should make a movie. But he should be, he should have like infinity money. Yeah. To spend on whatever. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:02:33 You know? Imagine a whole movie where he's just like threatening Hasan Piker to kill him. I mean, he should be. And global. He should be making that documentary. And it's that. Chasing him around the globe. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:02:45 And it's just direct, like a guy that looks exactly like him. And it's his house, like a replica of his house. Yeah. Anyway, if you're one of these guys who like constantly pines, you're like, why is Hollywood out of ideas or whatever? This is the reason. You used to be like, George Lucas used to be able to go, I want to make Star Wars. It's a weird, you know, Buck Rogers throwback. And they're like, yeah, well, you made American Graffiti, you know what you're doing.
Starting point is 01:03:07 And even American Graffiti was not like a... It was still an original idea. They let these guys make original ideas right out of film school. I think there's an element of, um, of, uh, like, protecting, of sabotaging their creative voices, too. Yeah. More than, probably
Starting point is 01:03:23 more than they even know. Like, I bet it's explicit when they're talking about it. Well, we got to tie this guy up or else he's going to go do something amazing
Starting point is 01:03:32 so let's just give him, you know, Yeah, and then people will not want to watch Marvel movies anymore because they'll remember, they'll be like, wait,
Starting point is 01:03:38 but this movie's good. Yeah. Wait, again, I forgot how good movies could be. No matter what. Like,
Starting point is 01:03:44 don't watch this trash no matter what. That's the most depressing part about Marvel movies to me. Is, like, no matter what, people will watch it. Kids will watch it. That's the thing. People assume I love Marvel movies. I've skipped so many Marvel movies. I only watch the ones that I think I can, like, review and get, you know, a little bit of that ad money or whatever.
Starting point is 01:04:01 A little bit of that money back. Maybe I can go, oh, it's these fucking. It's woke. There's too many black people. The good black of that money back. Maybe I can go, oh, it's these fucking... It's woke. There's too many black people. There's a good black people in this movie. It's so woke. This is the wokest movie yet. Ten wokes on the woke-ometer.
Starting point is 01:04:13 I turned black while I was watching this movie. Woke was a good... See, like, these terms are good. Woke was a good term until they changed it to mean, like, literally anything. The woke term got too woke. It got too woke.
Starting point is 01:04:23 They crammed too much woke in the woke term. Now it's bogus. Well, now like in Black Panther, it's like, you know, Namor is like, hey, you know, we're a bunch of brown people and I'm a descendant of the Mayans and we were colonized or whatever. And they go, oh, that's woke. He's talking about slavery. It's woke. Well, that's an actual thing that happened.
Starting point is 01:04:43 They're connecting it to real. I know. It's exhausting! Well, that's an actual thing that happened. They're connecting it to real... I know, it's exhausting. He should have said... I came out of nowhere and I have no backstory connecting to any real thing that ever happened in history. and I...
Starting point is 01:04:53 The wokeness... There is a scourge of wokeness attacking my undersea men. Yeah. My seamen are getting poisoned by wokeness and George Soros is responsible for it,
Starting point is 01:05:04 so we're gonna Rise up Out of the ocean No Not like No No Don't you think
Starting point is 01:05:11 I just wanna see Woke man Like anti-woke man So bad Yeah anti-woke man He should have a Clan hood And shotgun people
Starting point is 01:05:17 In the face For being different From him Sure My problem is Indie directors Getting stuck Making
Starting point is 01:05:24 Franchise Trash That's a good problem I thought it was dumb But then you convinced me Sure. My problem is indie directors getting stuck making franchise trash. It's a good problem. I thought it was dumb, but then you convinced me. Yeah, I mean, like, movies were, like, cool when directors could, like, get wild. Man, you could see this shit coming from a mile away. Yeah. As soon as, like, video games started being cool and like mountain dew yeah red alert as soon as this that shit started happening like iron man came out and everyone was all excited
Starting point is 01:05:51 about comic book movies like no this is these are also prime years for these you know filmmakers when they have their best ideas when they're still spry and they can run around and get crazy camera angles yeah you know they're not like george luc Lucas sitting in a chair for the entirety of Star Wars going, move the camera. You move it. I'm too old and lazy. What if David Lynch had been hired to do Wakanda 3 instead of Blue Velvet, right? I think Blue Velvet sucks.
Starting point is 01:06:16 To be reasonable. I was going to say TBF. But he did do Dune, which was kind of like a franchise thing. Yeah, but what if it was in his heyday? Now it's fine. David Lynch kind of was the original that he went from Elephant Man, which is extremely experimental weirdo
Starting point is 01:06:32 film, to hey, first he got offered Star Wars and then he turned it down to do Dune. Did you know George Lucas wanted David Lynch to direct Star Wars? Two? Or one? I think it was Empire. No, I didn't know that. He tells a great story where you gotta listen to David Lynch talk direct Star Wars? Two or one? I think it was Empire. No, I didn't know that. Yeah, he tells a great story where you got to listen to David Lynch
Starting point is 01:06:49 talking about meeting with George Lucas. He goes, we went to a restaurant that only had salad. He's like, I've never, I mean, I like salad, I guess, but only salad. I like salad, I guess, but only salad. And then he tried to explain to me something called a Wookie. And I said no. Yeah, it's pretty good. David Lynch is a fucking treasure. You want to expand
Starting point is 01:07:12 upon that? No. No. He's in the new Spielberg movie, too. I gotta see that thing. The Fletchermans or some shit. Spiegelmans. Okay. What a show. Yeah. We're gonna do voicemails, but don't forget to vote on
Starting point is 01:07:27 the problems. Autism. Altruism. Uh, what did I say? Effective altruism. Effective altruism. Meaning there's something old and busted with normal altruism. Enslaving indie directors. Oh, that's what you're gonna call it? That's a good one. Not the
Starting point is 01:07:43 Sundance to. No, I guess not. I still think that's, uh're Going to call it That's a good one Not the Sundance to No I guess not I still think that's Sundance to Spandex Just call it Enslaving indie directors I think that's better Enslaving okay And uh
Starting point is 01:07:54 People who don't use The turn lane People who don't use The turn lane Don't forget Vote on the problems At biggestproblem.show And check out
Starting point is 01:08:00 Patreon.com Slash biggest problem Where we are currently Below six thousand dollars What So I shouldn't Have even done a stinger You shouldn't have even Done a stinger Get your fucking money And check out patreon.com slash biggest problem where we are currently below $6,000. What? So I shouldn't have even done a stinger. You shouldn't have even done a stinger. Get your fucking money out of your pockets, you cheap sons of bitches.
Starting point is 01:08:11 We're like $30 off. Oh, that might as well be $100 off. I figured I'd throw you guys a bone. Okay. Here we go. You guys are fucking retarded. Yes, we are. All three presets are two exercises.
Starting point is 01:08:27 You do one exercise, and then you immediately do another exercise. Yeah. And, Vito, stop making fucking excuses. Get off your fat ass and do something. Oh, I have a plan. I have a plan. I have a plan. I do have a plan.
Starting point is 01:08:39 Put your fucking plan in action. Just do it. Get off your fat ass. Get off the mobility scooter. I should get a mobility scooter. It was really fun. It was really fun to ride it. How fast do they go?
Starting point is 01:08:53 They go pretty fast. They go at a good clip. Really? Yeah, I had fun. If not, if you're super fat, then they probably No, then they weigh them down. I don't know. I think this mobility scooter lifestyle might be the way to go. Maybe I should do that. Try them out.
Starting point is 01:09:08 Don't let you use them at the Target if you want. Or like a visor and have like a lollipop. Yeah. Be like. It feels good. I think I'm going to get addicted to the experience. Okay. Anyway, I don't know what a superset is and I don't care.
Starting point is 01:09:21 Fuck yourself. Well, what do you mean It's like You do one And then you go do another Somebody told me That's how I work out I do one thing And then do another thing No but you have to
Starting point is 01:09:30 Like you're not allowed to rest Between the exercises Oh I'm sure that matters So you immediately Have to run over Yeah why would that matter Because you're building up Lactate acid
Starting point is 01:09:39 And completely different muscles And then I'm fucking Not resting While I'm working out Over here I'm fucking maximizing my day. Yeah. And then I do ayahuasca at night and I blog in my sleep.
Starting point is 01:09:51 I don't know. I have my wrist strapped on. Maybe it works. I talked to a guy and he's given me some, apparently there's a new weight loss drug that is like very effective. Cocaine. Yeah. Cocaine.
Starting point is 01:10:03 I mean, that would work. I also did the test. I had to prick my fingers oh shit wait why do you have a prick test because i had to draw blood to uh for the testosterone low testosterone test we're gonna see what you're doing a testosterone test yeah they have a home one now well you really you do it at home and then you send it to them and they take a look you had to pick prick three fingers Well, cuz you have to get enough blood to fill this fucking card out and it's like two slots and then I prick a finger Then it would stop Bleeding effectively so I just put another one finger. Yeah, just keep pricking that one
Starting point is 01:10:39 Well, no, cuz I because I thought that one was out of blood and then that finger No, because I thought that one was out of blood. That finger? Like a cow udder? It said do another finger once one runs out. You look like the guy from Seven. I filled out to a gay man. Anyway, I put blood in the squares, but then apparently I didn't put enough blood,
Starting point is 01:10:59 so I had to do a third finger, and I think hopefully there's enough blood on that fucking card to send it in. To see if you have low testosterone? To see if I have low testosterone. And then you're going to get on the T? You're going to do injections? If I have low testosterone. Yeah, it's got to be. Your ass or something?
Starting point is 01:11:11 Yeah, you've ridden the thigh, right? I don't know. I don't know either. I don't have it. But there's actually. Are you going to do it if it says you're low? Yeah. There's been a listener of the show who like has been DMing me for a year going, listen,
Starting point is 01:11:23 I have low testosterone. I had low testosterone. I had low testosterone. I looked exactly like you. Oh, really? I got on this stuff and now I'm Superman. Does he, do you have a picture? Of the guy? Well, yeah, he said he looks exactly like you.
Starting point is 01:11:35 I don't know. No, I don't have a picture. You gotta prove it. I didn't ask for a picture. What if he's trying to trick you into? I don't think he's trying to trick me. Although I am worried because now Boogie has ass cancer from his testosterone shots.
Starting point is 01:11:46 Boogie has cancer? He thinks he has cancer. Where's the Islamic prayer? No. Oh, my God. Where is it? I think Boogie said, I might have cancer from taking the testosterone shots. Yes, you might have cancer.
Starting point is 01:12:04 Oh, my God. No, not this shit. Come on. I disavow. The second pillar. Come on, you fucking bitch. Islamic call. Why did you not just bookmark it?
Starting point is 01:12:20 There it is. There it is, bad nun. Boogie. I disavow. Boogie is having the f There it is, Batman. Oh, Boogie. I disavow. Boogie is having the fattest battle with cancer. I disavow all of this. Oh, Allah, you bless me. I'm not doing this bit.
Starting point is 01:12:33 You bless me, Allah. No, no. Boogie, Boogie's asshole, Boogie has something that's eating him. Oh. Why did I bring this up? Why did I mention this? This is horrible. Bookie, who is a cancer!
Starting point is 01:12:51 He has a cancer! Oh my god. You can't eat your way out of that one, Bookie! You can't shoot your way out of that one! This is so bad. This is like... Please stop. Please stop.
Starting point is 01:13:12 I'm so sorry, Boogie. Asshole cancer! I disavow this bit. How can he tell? I don't know. I don't know. How can he tell that he had asshole cancer? I don't know.
Starting point is 01:13:22 But he thinks he has cancer of the asshole from taking testosterone shots. Taking testosterone shots up the ass? I don't know. I don't know. But regardless. Oh my God.
Starting point is 01:13:39 This is so bad. This is like legitimately this is not good at all. Please stop. Oh my God. Cancer, you bitch. All right. All right.
Starting point is 01:13:52 All right. You got it. You got it. You nailed it. Jesus fucking Christ. Oh my God. Okay. Well, hopefully he doesn't have cancer.
Starting point is 01:14:01 I don't fucking know. Who cares? He cares. I'm sure other people care. I don't fucking know. Who cares? He cares. I'm sure other people care. I don't fucking know. No one cares. Okay. All right.
Starting point is 01:14:09 That's horrible. Well, he's not nice. I know he's not. He's not. Whatever. He's all right. He's fine. He stole my fat watch, bitch.
Starting point is 01:14:19 He stole your bitch. You don't got to wish cancer on the fucking guy. I didn't wish the cancer on him. I wish that he would get hit by a small car. God just went a little overboard. He's like, well, we'll just settle for cancer. The asshole cancer is funny, though. Whatever you want to say.
Starting point is 01:14:42 I don't think it's the worst one. What would you rather have? I think, isn't it pretty treatable, the asshole cancer? They got to find his asshole. They got to send Elon's submarine. Yeah, the worst one's like the brain or the lungs. Brain cancer? No, brain cancer would be the best.
Starting point is 01:14:58 Why? It's like, I'm out. I'm dead. All right, if you just want to die. Actually, pancreatic cancer, cancer I think has the lowest survival rate Doesn't it? Probably I don't know Bring in cancer
Starting point is 01:15:10 Well not if he has it I can't Because now it's a solution Fuck you Jesus Christ Okay I shouldn't have even mentioned it Fucking packing tape in the cut edge You can never find it You always split it
Starting point is 01:15:24 You are spot on Packing tape should be a top Yes You can never find it You always split it You are spot on, Jake Packing tape should be a top 20 problem Don't call me back Fuck you You know what we should do? Biggestproblem.show You gotta go vote up packing tape Come on
Starting point is 01:15:34 We should have like a contest That should be like a bar contest Who can find the edge Quickest Okay, here you go Here's your packing tape Oh, shit, shit Then you have to
Starting point is 01:15:43 Tape your girlfriend's mouth shut Yeah That's whoever wins first Win 20 bar dollars Here you go Here's your back tape Like Oh shit shit Then you have to Tape your girlfriend's mouth shut Yeah That's whoever wins first Win 20 bar dollars 20 bar bucks Okay Let's see here How about this one?
Starting point is 01:15:55 Holiday decorations Are a huge problem But more than that It's the people Who have to go And drive out to season Because The streets that I live on, the one right next to it, do a fucking candy cane lane thing every year.
Starting point is 01:16:12 Oh, that sounds fun. I work second shift. My brother works third shift. That sucks. These assholes driving around. It more than doubles the time it takes us to get to work and back. All the traffic. But isn't the holiday cheer worth it?
Starting point is 01:16:29 An entire fucking month out of the year. Wow. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. Yeah, it just pisses me off. Bullshit. You've got ass cancer, Mr. Boogie. Mr. Boogie. Your ass is made Of tumors
Starting point is 01:16:45 You ain't too much you fucker Your teeth are chickalits Mr. Boogie Alright that's pretty good I wouldn't Fuck you if you were paying me All the money you lost in crypto Oh my god Okay here's another one in crypto. Wa-wa-wa-wa-wa. Wa-wa-wa-wa-wa. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 01:17:06 Okay, here's another one. One other problem that I think is a pretty big problem. The fact that neighborhoods don't get together to decide one house as the IRS. I think that kids
Starting point is 01:17:21 should, at a young age, be terrified by taxes by the fact that one house, they don't know which house it is. If they go to that house, boom, 30% of their candy has to be immediately taken away from them. Halloween in a truck house? Yeah. In the government.
Starting point is 01:17:38 No! Give me two of your candy bars. Boom, you take their Halloween costume. You take the costume? Jesus Christ. We're not pedophiles. Pedophile alert. I think that neighborhoods should orchestrate one house
Starting point is 01:17:52 as the IRS to take all the candy. Alright, we get it. How's that halfway through? Yeah, stop with these minute and a half voicemails. You get 30 seconds, 40 seconds. One, two, three. Idea, explanation, the prestige. Go fuck yourself. That's it. And get out of there. There you seconds. One, two, three. Idea, explanation, the prestige. Go fuck yourself.
Starting point is 01:18:05 That's it. Get out of there. There you go. Okay, last one. Hey, first time caller. This message is for Vito. Of course it fucking is. Don't listen to any of these idiots about weight loss, about getting in shape.
Starting point is 01:18:20 Yeah. Well, dude, you got to focus on protein. Focus on getting as much protein as possible Focus on lifting weights Lifting the dish I'm gonna eat pizza every day Fuck you guys That's fine
Starting point is 01:18:31 I eat pizza a lot Yeah That's true As long as you You gotta eat protein To curb your hunger Yeah And then work out
Starting point is 01:18:37 I know I know protein What do you mean you know protein I said on the last show I'm eating more fish Fish I like fish Fish? I like fish Fish doesn't have like a
Starting point is 01:18:49 What do you mean you eat a lot of fish? Fish is a protein source It's like equal to chicken You gotta eat like protein powder Eggs? No Protein powder is if you're like lifting like crazy Well no cause protein makes you not hungry Isn't protein powder
Starting point is 01:19:04 Have a shit ton of calories Or am I crazy Not a shit ton It has calories But it also Makes you not You think it's Say it's hungry
Starting point is 01:19:12 I know it's Say it's hungry I can do the weight loss Replacement shakes Those are fun Mmm I don't think they Fill you up as good though
Starting point is 01:19:20 You gotta work out though I know I'm working out Man I woke up today Hungover More hungover. More hungover than you should be allowed to wake up. You got all this space. I don't have any space. I work out in a less...
Starting point is 01:19:33 I work out in about this much room. You have a little garage gym. Well, what do you want to do? You want to do some curls? Oh, my God. Is every show going to be about me exercising now? Yeah, Vito, because no one wants you to die. I want to die, though.
Starting point is 01:19:45 That's what you guys don't understand. Not of being fat. Why not? Who cares? Because you're not gonna be able to fucking walk. Do you like walking? No. If you wanna walk in your 60s and 70s.
Starting point is 01:19:56 I'm not getting to that point. I'm gonna die in my 40s. Okay. There's gonna be sex robots. Of comodity. Yeah, okay. There's gonna be sex robots coming out. I'm gonna be fucking smacking the ass of the sex robots, and you're gonna be stuck in your fucking scooter with a be sex robots. Of comodity. Yeah, okay. There's going to be sex robots coming out. I'm going to be fucking smacking the ass of the sex robots,
Starting point is 01:20:07 and you're going to be stuck in your fucking scooter with a fat sex robot. If I miss out on holodeck sex, I will be sad. Yeah, you will. But I don't think we're getting it in the next 40 years. I think I'm going to turn 90. My dick's not going to work anymore. And the holodeck sex will come out right then just to piss me off. Just to be like, you could have had it all.
Starting point is 01:20:25 You could have had it all. But you had it all you got nothing at all okay well what a show we're gonna do some super chants here all right let me load them up and of course my reminder to vote up the problems i want i want because i look at the problems it's like the early shows for some reason got like a lot of votes well because they've been up there long yeah I guess cuz the longer a problem is up there But you guys gotta vote. We gotta find some way to get Like new like so internet celebrities to come plug the show and give their opinion on what's the worst like? destinies DMing and take in like using his power differential. Yeah on all these girls
Starting point is 01:21:04 Maybe that some of these girls could get him to figure out what's the worst problem. Why don't we bring on one of the girls? She could talk about fucking Destiny. Not bring on. Probably not. But like everybody in the audience should go ask Destiny this week, what is the biggest problem that we have? And give him the four.
Starting point is 01:21:21 What is the biggest problem of these four? And say, Destiny, what is the biggest problem Of these four And say Destiny What is the biggest problem Of these four problems Please keep bothering Notch I want to get Notch On the show You do? I think he would do it I think Notch
Starting point is 01:21:34 Sits alone In his LA mansion And I think he's sad And I think if he came in And found Like some dudes I think you guys Are like the same guy
Starting point is 01:21:42 Yeah I think I think well He's a little more racist But I think that if he came in and he found some buddies he could hang out with and like yeah you know uses billions of dollars to buy us gifts and fun toys I don't buy it I don't want a gift I want some gifts from that what do you want I don't know like a like a just want some free money I want a sweet mobility scooter My dead friend Sarah fucked it up cuz she went to notches mansion and I'm like did you invite you? And then she killed herself the ultimate fuck you and I said well that relationships dead. Yeah, I'd always I'd always rip on her
Starting point is 01:22:19 I'm like, how did you not blow notch? She's like, I don't know it didn't come up I'm like if you'd blown you could do whatever you want. Yeah, you could have took like half his money. That was your chance. Steal City Hall. Exactly. Could have been like Jeff Bezos' wife
Starting point is 01:22:33 and took half the Minecraft, half the Minecraft money. The good half too because everyone hates Notch now. No wonder she killed herself because I think she regretted that. RIP Sarah. You were great.
Starting point is 01:22:47 I like the super chat from last week from Who Are These Podcasts. Says, no one misses Vito. Hey, Carl, fuck you. Carl has a $10,000 Patreon. He's giving two bucks for that joke. You know what, Carl? I keep seeing the guests you bring on, and I see all the comments going, that guy sucks. I think you got to bring Vito back in.
Starting point is 01:23:08 Have you not been back on since you blew him off? No, I've been back on once, and I think it was a great show. Did Chrissy Mayer come on in a fat suit and pretend to be? Fucking Chrissy Mayer, man. I forget. No, I guess they weren't talking shit about me again, but he has her on, and then the audience goes, it's another Chrissy Mayer episode. And I'm like, yeah, should have bet on, should have bet on Italian.
Starting point is 01:23:31 Should have brought in the veto. Does her husband go in and bully everybody who says that? That guy is the fucking. Hey, hey, hey, she's funny. She's funny. She's funny. That guy's weird, man. That Frank Rossitano or whatever his fucking name is.
Starting point is 01:23:43 Pellegrino. Pellegrino. Is that his name? Yeah he's He's very aggressive He's very He's not a happy guy He's cool
Starting point is 01:23:50 I love that guy Yeah he's the best Let's get Chrissy Mayer on this show Chrissy Mayer I want to bury the hatchet I'd be happy to have you on Yeah And let's
Starting point is 01:24:00 Let's do it What if she was in studio? You can call me a pedophile Or whatever You know You can accuse me of pedophile or whatever. You can accuse me of not being a real comedian and using comedy to secretly advance my leftist agenda, whatever else. And, you know, I'll call you a dumb whore and then we'll have fun.
Starting point is 01:24:16 It'll be fun. And then she called me a pedophile. Come on. Yeah, but yours is closer to the truth. Yeah. That mine is closer to the truth. Yeah, that's's over the line Yours is closer to the truth Yeah That mine is closer to the truth Yeah, that's why it's worse I thought you'd actually come in with a lot more political problems this week Yeah, well, maybe next week we'll get in there
Starting point is 01:24:32 Because you guys got that retard into the Senate Federman Wait, what's his name? Federman? Yeah Well, you were going to get Dr. Oz in Trump fucked up Trump fucked up
Starting point is 01:24:43 No, Trump didn't fuck up You're still pro-Trump? Everybody's turning on fucked up. No, Trump didn't fuck up. Are you still pro-Trump? Everybody's turning on him. No, everybody, a bunch of fucking assholes are turning on him. Ben Shapiro's riding him. But Ben Shapiro always hated Trump. Ben Shapiro can ride a dreidel straight to hell. He can ride these nuts into his sister's tits, and I will come to him.
Starting point is 01:25:02 Some of the people turning on him. I don't know. It's interesting. I think he's going to split that party in two. I think he'll run as an independent. That'd be great. It'd be hilarious. And then you're going to get more Biden.
Starting point is 01:25:13 Justin Martinez donated on the last episode. Mike Hunt for five. It's been over a year since the Netflix walkout. How's the brain damage? Dick is still. I don't remember. I don't know what he was talking about. Koo for two. Thank you all for not killing yourselves.
Starting point is 01:25:26 Eh, I'm getting there. Ginormous Uber driver. Hey, guys, it's me, Josh Dye. Oh, yeah. So there's a bunch of, like... People were mad that you guys didn't read, like... I didn't read them. But they were, like, Red Bar trolls.
Starting point is 01:25:38 I don't even get this Red Bar shit. I just... If you come in, like... I just... In my stomach, I don't like attention seekers. Yeah. So if you're... If I just in my stomach. I don't like attention seekers. Yeah, so if you I can tell you're coming in to ruin to make the guests feel bad. Yeah, it's not Paid so I'm like yeah I mean
Starting point is 01:25:54 I'm just not doing it like I if there was a super chat that I like which just like be horrible I would just not read it. Yeah, I don't need you know $2 that badly It's not it's not in fun. The show is meant to be fun, not to make the guest feel like a piece of shit. I don't even think it would make him feel like a piece of shit. It just annoys me that it's like, oh, Josh Denny drives an Uber. Like, yeah, I don't care. He doesn't care.
Starting point is 01:26:18 A lot of comedians drive Ubers, guys. A lot of people drive Ubers. Yeah. It's a good job, honestly. I don't think it's a good job Honestly I don't think it's I mean It just annoys me That it's like
Starting point is 01:26:27 Over and over And over And Uber Uber It's like yeah Whatever you're doing I hate this I hate it It's a really good
Starting point is 01:26:37 Side hustle I don't know why People come down on it Because it sucks Driving people You just drive around And you get paid That's great
Starting point is 01:26:44 I want to drive DoorDash And like take a little bit Of everybody's food And then at the end of the night Because it sucks. Well, driving people, you just drive around and you get paid. That's great. I want to drive DoorDash and like take a little bit of everybody's food. And then at the end of the night, I'll have this platter. That's how Boogie got ass cancer. Well, he refuses to drive DoorDash. You got your own charcuterie? Yeah. I want my own charcuterie of like one mozzarella stick, half a slice of pizza, one chicken wing. I don't know.
Starting point is 01:27:00 Maybe I should have read their thing, but it just fucking annoys me when people like the same joke over and over. It's not even a fucking joke. I don't know. If you guys are really butth it just fucking annoys me When people like the same joke Over and over It's not even a fucking joke I don't know If you guys are really Butthurt about it Let us know No kill yourself If you're really butthurt About it kill yourself
Starting point is 01:27:11 Get over it Horse McGee for two Nice Street Fighter hat Vito See me in that game anytime I gotta get the new one Cullen Care I played all the old ones Third Strike
Starting point is 01:27:20 And uh I loved Street Fighter Alpha Cullen Care for five This week i learned veto used to be skinny before skyrim was released get on that bike free the skinny veto that has been buried by todd howard did you see my skyrim picture on twitter no let's see it uh 11 years ago i went to the premiere of skyrim wow and. And, uh, yeah, that's how, that game is ancient now.
Starting point is 01:27:48 I was like, that's how old I am since I was at the Skyrim premiere. Hit photos. The photos tab. What do you mean hit photos? Go back. Oh, you hit media now. Well, that'll make it easier to find. A giant dick? That's what you're showing me? That's Mr. Girl's dick.
Starting point is 01:28:03 You're showing me Mr. Girl jacking off? What if I had this pulled up on the fucking thing? Well, you didn't. Because I know that there's always some horse shit like this. This is what you're showing me, Mr. Girl. Dame Pesos. Okay, hold on. I'll tell you this. Why is it so pointy?
Starting point is 01:28:20 Some dicks are pointy. Dame Pesos posted today, because everyone's mad at Mr. Girl. He went, breaking news, Mr. Girl has a Pornhub account. You posted his dick twice. Well, because Dame Pesos posted this really shitty picture of Mr. Girl that made it look like he had a tiny dick. So I had to defend my boy and be like, he's got a pretty normal dick. You just got a really shitty photo of him getting worked up. But you defended it twice, and you posted his dick.
Starting point is 01:28:44 This one says to be fairly normal dick size, you guys. It's a normal looking dick. And Tommy Pesos was trying to say that Mr. Girl
Starting point is 01:28:53 has a tiny dick and I felt like it was necessary to counter that false narrative. How big are his hands? And also, everybody knows
Starting point is 01:28:58 he has a porn hub. He literally made a YouTube about it. Tommy Pesos, it wasn't breaking news. You're an idiot. I mean, that just seems like,
Starting point is 01:29:04 why are you posting, why are you taking screenshots of Mr. Girl's dick? Because he posted a screenshot of Mr. Dami Pesos, it wasn't breaking news. You're an idiot. I mean, that just seems like, why are you posting, why are you taking screenshots of Mr. Girl's dick? Because he posted a screenshot of Mr. Girl's dick. Oh, Dami Pesos did? If you go into that thread,
Starting point is 01:29:11 Dami Pesos had posted Mr. Girl's dick. Well, yeah, but a different angle. You went and took your own close-up screenshot. Because he's saying
Starting point is 01:29:18 that he has a tiny dick and that's not fair. He has a very normal dick. So what did you like, scrub through it looking for a close-up dick shot? Yeah, very quickly, I went for a close up dick shot?
Starting point is 01:29:25 Yeah, very quickly I went for a nice dick shot of Mr. Girl because Dame Pesos, all these little follower guys are going, oh, look at his tiny little Jewish dick. I'm like, hey, that's pretty. It looks tiny there though. Yeah, because he's getting it ready to go. Well. He's a grower, not a shower. That's fine.
Starting point is 01:29:42 A lot of guys are like that. What do you mean? That your dick starts like any and then it comes out. Never heard that thing? Yeah, but I don't buy into that dichotomy. Like that shower grower who has a limp penis that just like gets straight. I think some guys just have it dangling out all the time. At the same length?
Starting point is 01:30:01 I think it's full of blood. I mean, once it gets blood, it gets straight and it doesn't get longer at all? Yeah, that's the shower. It's just constantly dangling between the legs. I don't think that's, I don't believe that. Maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. I'm going to have to call that out.
Starting point is 01:30:16 I'm a girl boy. I'm a girl boy. I turtle. I think that's normal. I hide up. But then you did a super close-up, fairly normal. Oh, my God. Somehow you got 4K. But then you did a super close up Fairly normal Oh my god Somehow you got 4k
Starting point is 01:30:28 Somehow Dame Pesos has like a normal screenshot And you found a way to make The screenshot like The full size of the browser That's a good looking dick He does not have a small dick I will not Listen you can say whatever you want about Mr. Girl But you can't say he has a small dick I will not Listen You can say whatever you want About Mr. Girl
Starting point is 01:30:45 But But you can't say he has a small dick You can't say he has a small dick That's unreasonable Okay so why did you send me to this town? Because you're supposed to find The picture of me at Skyrim Which is going to take forever to find
Starting point is 01:30:53 You'll see it It'll be skinny Vito There's Eric July's Terrible art book Oh wait What is this? Okay Oh Eric July
Starting point is 01:31:02 This is a bit too. My Twitter is pretty good. Yeah, I know. There's a lot of bits. Eric July is part of his comic. His comic was already like $50, right? I love, I love, I love my Eric July. Which is insane for a comic.
Starting point is 01:31:15 Yeah. And then he goes, but I have this art book. Art book. What do you think of when you think of an art book? You think of like a hardcover thing, like maybe 50 to 100 pages. Yeah. $75 for an art book You think of like a hardcover thing Like maybe 50 to 100 pages Yeah $75 for an art book It ended up being a 16 page
Starting point is 01:31:32 Floppy pamphlet Filled with like the shitty sketches His friend made Before like It's 16 pages? It's 16 pages It's so tiny With $2 million
Starting point is 01:31:41 He couldn't crank out another like 40 pages? Dude he could've just put put every sketch in there, a bunch of concept art. How does he not have art to fill that thing? TLDR, I'm very disappointed and feel lied to on this product. You're supposed to put TLDR at the end of a big thing. This is 16 pages in a booklet with a paper cover and staples, not a concept art book.
Starting point is 01:32:04 He charged $100 for 10 trading cards and I'm like I'm like you guys really bought in to this hype but the art book thing legitimately I'm like dude that's fucked up to charge $75 for what people are saying is like the pamphlet before you see a stage play you know that that tells you. It's like so. Yeah yeah yeah. Got the concept art book. That I had to double check. To make sure I got what I ordered. And yeah it's a big disappointment. Unlike the comic.
Starting point is 01:32:32 Which I liked a lot. This is severe. He's gouging his audience. Lacking in quality. It's like a free booklet. You get when you attend an opera. Or band concert or something. You've never been to an opera.
Starting point is 01:32:43 You fucking liar. Anyway. If I paid $10 to an opera, you fucking liar. Anyway. If I paid $10 to $15 for this, okay, but $75 is a huge ripoff. $75 for a 16-page floppy again. Look at how tiny. Oh, this is it? That's it. Look at how thin it is. $75?
Starting point is 01:32:58 $75 for that! Yeah, I mean, he really, Eric July really believes that he is God's gift to creation and that you should give him $75 for that thing Because it's going to be a valuable collector's item once he takes over the comic industry And he seems like an idiot Like, I do think he's only popular because he's black He is a black conservative who tells people what they want to hear
Starting point is 01:33:19 Yeah, there's just no way this is good Listening to him talk, like I was just, you know, busting balls before But listening to him talk, number one And then he put his wife's Etsy store in the middle Yeah Is so egregiously tone deaf and stupid That no one who did that could ever make anything good If he was charging like, you know
Starting point is 01:33:43 Indie comic prices For his stuff I'd be like yeah okay You made your little project But it's like Charging an arm and a leg For your first time You know vanity project And telling people
Starting point is 01:33:53 We're gonna you know Dominate the industry By making The most mediocre product We possibly can Is uh Is bizarre Is that it?
Starting point is 01:34:02 You're supposed to find The Skyrim picture Oh We keep getting distracted Is that it? You're supposed to find the Skyrim picture. Oh. We keep getting distracted. Is that it? No. You'll see. There's a skinny Vito.
Starting point is 01:34:11 Huh. There it is. There's me and my buddy at the Skyrim. Who's your buddy? Grand premiere. That is a guy named Eric Zipper who I think hates me now. Why? Because he's doing like racist?
Starting point is 01:34:27 Because he worked at a G4 as I was making fun of G4 constantly. Oh, yeah. And actually, I think Chrissy Mayer memes on him constantly. Yeah. Because when Frost did her big rant, she named all the people that she works with. And she's like, you know, Tom, Mark, Zipper. And everyone's like, what the fuck kind of name is Zipper?
Starting point is 01:34:47 What year is this? It's 11 years ago. So however long. Was this suit in style 11 years ago? No, of course not. I just had some shitty, I don't know how to dress myself.
Starting point is 01:34:57 What am I supposed to wear? I don't fucking know what you wear. It's just white. I was doing like red carpet interviews for a stupid video game website. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 01:35:03 Okay. Okay. Which actually, some of those are pretty good. I should have. Look at all this hair. I should. Well, not that much hair. I still had a pretty far back hairline.
Starting point is 01:35:13 Okay. Anyway, I posted that video and all the comments go, wow, what the fuck happened to you, you piece of shit? And I'm like, can I just post a picture of myself from the past? Does it have to be a fat shaming moment? Yes, because everyone wants you to live. Why? I don't want to live. I'm like, can I just post a picture of myself from the past? Does it have to be a fat shaming moment? Yes, because everyone wants you to live. Why? I don't want to live.
Starting point is 01:35:29 It's not up to you. I hate being on this planet. Yeah, I know. And it's not up to you. And there's nothing to live for except for the mass murder I will eventually commit once I'm ready to go out, as we've discussed. You can plug the show as you're going out. You're right.
Starting point is 01:35:43 I should. I'll wear a t-shirt. How's that? All right. So you said this week I the show as you're going out. You're right. I should I'll wear a t-shirt. How's that? Alright, so you said this week I learned Vito used to be skinny. Thank you very much for the super chat. Hey guys, it's Josh Denny. Go up a little bit. Right there. Cullen care.
Starting point is 01:35:56 Pork boy 23. When do we get a problem from cool Sean? We're going to have him someday, but he's a busy boy. Oh no, that's a different guy. Oh Oh different Sean Yeah Sean brought in a problem On episode 50
Starting point is 01:36:08 Of the original show And he was so embarrassed That he edited it out Who did Him Sean did When he got it He brought it in
Starting point is 01:36:16 And then we like It was like a big deal It was like a year of the show Yeah And it was like And he said Can you edit my problem out No he was the editor
Starting point is 01:36:24 Okay And he edited Like any reference to it his entire problem and everything. So it was just like gone Yeah, tell you guys he was gonna do that he just delivered it he goes I couldn't do it I edited out I had use that in Paris. I said Okay, what was the problem? Generation it's the big 50th episode embarrassed? And I said, okay. What was the problem? It was the YouTube generation. And it's the big 50th episode? Yeah, so he edited it out, and then, so I took it and I, I took, I had the
Starting point is 01:36:51 original file. Yeah. So I transcribed it, and then sent it to this like, uh, this cool black guy that does voiceovers. Oh, and he like, wrote it, read it in a cool way? And I had the cool black guy read the pro- because I said, the reason that you don't like it is because it's your voice. Some people really hate hearing themselves.
Starting point is 01:37:08 Yeah, so I said, so I got this cool black guy to read. Cool Sean. Yeah, the exact same as you. And then I spliced it with us. So he would go like, well, actually, my problem is the YouTube generation. And it was so retarded. That's a pretty good gimmick. And then they got the hard men working hard got that black guy to do a part on the-
Starting point is 01:37:34 Some vocal? Yeah, on the Dick Show album. Spoken word? Yeah, he was the judge. That's exciting. That's cool, Sean, who they're talking about. Well, maybe we'll find him. Reza for five.
Starting point is 01:37:45 What's the going rate for pooping in Vito's mouth? Not much. Well, what do you, are you a guy or are you a hot Latin Brazilian woman who's going to two girls, one cup me? I don't know. I'd give you a discount. You're a guy? No, if you're a lady.
Starting point is 01:38:00 Jesus Christ. Or a hot tranny. Oh, wait. I can't say that anymore. Trans lady. Sorry. I fucked that hot tranny. Oh, wait. I can't say that anymore. Trans lady. Sorry. I fucked that up. How much of a discount?
Starting point is 01:38:09 I don't know. How much for someone to poop in your mouth? 20 bucks. No. How much for real? Well, what kind of, you know, there's a lot of factors. Well, you don't know what kind of poop is coming out until it's already coming out. Two grand.
Starting point is 01:38:22 Two grand? That's a lot of money. Do I have to swallow it Bro, I'll pay two grand for someone to poop in your mouth right now the hottest fucking Translator you can find yeah, but you're sure you're gonna want to film it and like show it. Nope Let me think about Two grand's a lot of money I could buy a lot of magic cards with that. Not enough.
Starting point is 01:38:47 I mean, it's just like somebody... You're still going to taste poop forever. It's like asking how much to eat worms. It's like equally gross. I eat a worm for free. I'm not getting shit in my mouth for two grand. If I could... How long do I got to keep it in my mouth?
Starting point is 01:38:59 You can spit it out right the fuck back right away. Who cares? As long as it's not like a wet shit that goes everywhere. Well, how are you going to know? Well, that's the problem. What, are you going to do an MRI? No, they got to be on a strict diet beforehand for like two days. Okay.
Starting point is 01:39:15 You call the diet shots. Yeah, but now I want to gouge you and find out how high you'll go. Well, I'll go more than two grand. Well, some guys pay for that experience. What if the Patreon hits 10,000? No, because I think the Patreon will hit 10,000 at some point. Okay. That's an inevitability.
Starting point is 01:39:40 If you're a trans woman listener who wants to poop in my mouth For two grand You gotta send a picture though You gotta do it for free If it's an ugly chick I don't wanna do it Okay
Starting point is 01:39:51 Goatie McGoatface for five Been working I don't know why it matters Been working 84 hours 84 hour weeks For three months For three months The show make work go quicker
Starting point is 01:40:02 Thanks Vito and Dick To be fair. I suck, Cox. Hey, man. Wow. I like hearing that we're helping the working day go by. That's the ultimate goal with any radio show. Yeah. Is you want the working man to put it on, get through his
Starting point is 01:40:18 shift. 84 hour weeks. Yeah, I don't know how that's happening. Seven days. Seven days times what? Is that 12 hours a day? 12 hours a day. I think that's 12. Yeah, it's 12 hours a day. What are you doing for 12 hours a day?
Starting point is 01:40:31 I don't know. I hope it gets better. Jacking off, yeah. All right. Ice wallow. Calm. Ice wallow, yeah. Have your back, Vito.
Starting point is 01:40:40 That other guy was pretty great, but I missed your intros. Keep up the good work, Kings. They're 666. It's just more funny not to read the people who are shitting at some point. I can't believe Dick didn't read my $2 Uber chat about Josh Denny drives an Uber. I love Josh Denny. Well, we love him, too. David Gomez for five.
Starting point is 01:40:59 Biggest problem in the universe is Richard killing a good bit because he wants 50 bucks for a call to prayer. Oh, we did it for free this fucking episode. He is infidel. He will not enter Cutie's paradise. No, you have to pay $50. $50 for a big one. Yeah. You know, but if boogies ass cancer comes up.
Starting point is 01:41:14 Me for 20. Stop laughing. For five, Conroy's Batman is great, but Joker was iconic. TBF to Mark Hamill. Nice try. King for 10. My biggest problem is the newest MC Jarbo song about you, Vito. His lyrics are very slanderous
Starting point is 01:41:30 and I suck, COX. Wasn't a line in the lyrics. TBF, the beat was nice. Yeah, uh... I didn't know he did a song about you. Yeah, but it's just like, I don't think he knows anything about me. Oh. So the whole show is just like, Vito fucks kids. Vito fucks kids. Vito fucks kids.
Starting point is 01:41:45 Look at all the kids. I'm like, all right. It is a nice beat. Yeah. That guy is infinitely talented. Oh, yeah. He's incredible. It's a complete waste of his time
Starting point is 01:41:54 to be making these meme raps when he could just, like, be a rapper. Yeah. There's so many musicians that I feel like, I just wish you were bigger. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:42:02 And I wish you weren't wasting your time with garbage. I wish you best of luck, MC Jarboe. Call me a PDF file as much as you want, but I think you have better... Maybe he could do our Christmas album with us. He's not coming by. Why? He's called into my show. Oh, has he? Yeah, he's
Starting point is 01:42:17 cool. I think he's cool. I honestly am like, I've listened to his songs and I go, these are like spectacular. Yeah. Why don't you just rap About not stupid internet drama And you could maybe Make a thing out of it Like what though
Starting point is 01:42:29 Because no one will plug it It is hard to be a rapper I don't know It's a whole thing Gun Ranger 5 Dick should check out Four Lions A funny satire
Starting point is 01:42:37 About wannabe suicide bombers Also McDonald's Ruining their apple pie Makes me want to be one myself Man yeah Remember when they had Those fried pies? Yeah, they were good.
Starting point is 01:42:46 They're so good. Now they're like Pop-Tarts. You can still get them from like, I think Popeye's still fries them. I mean, they're terrible for you. Kara Frover 10. Kara's a popcorn planeteer as well. Oh. Happy you're back.
Starting point is 01:42:59 Had fun in Vegas seeing Johnny Depp. That veto imposter was funny, but I miss the stingers. Your karaoke made up for it. Wait a minute. I dominated karaoke. You met Kara in Vegas? I did. Oh.
Starting point is 01:43:12 Was she the girl that you were, that you were, uh. Man doesn't, no, it wasn't. No. Sadly, Kara looked at me and she went, well, you're funny, but you're not like. You're not that funny. Yeah, you're not that funny. You're not Gallagher. Yeah, exactly. at me and she went, well, you're funny, but you're not like. You're not that funny. Yeah, you're not that funny. You're not a Gallagher. Yeah, exactly.
Starting point is 01:43:27 Where's the big couch? Class, glass bell for two. The internet was built for us autists. Get the fuck off the internet. Coffee split for two. Get off the internet. Autism is why FTX blew up. Yeah, well.
Starting point is 01:43:39 Maxim Man and Cheese, too. Vito is the Margaret Sanger of the Tis. Who's Margaret Sanger? Eugenicist. Started playing parenthood, I think. Good for her. Gentlemen, Saz, oh, Ye's been talking about. It's their holocaust. It's the holocaust on
Starting point is 01:43:53 blank babies. Playing parenthood. Don't you think? No. You don't think that's true? I think yeeting a fetus is a little different from forcing a grown man or woman to take an acid bath. So clump is, there was no acid baths. What are you talking about?
Starting point is 01:44:08 You know, ripping their arms and legs off. Like some kind of a machine, like a roller coaster. Mr. Bone Stripper. They sent him through the bone stripper. Do you know that reference? No. Bone stripper. There's a Dan Aykroyd movie.
Starting point is 01:44:24 Yes. Nothing But Trouble. Nothing But Trouble. That's what I was referencing too. Yeah, the roller coaster. That sounds, yeah. No Bone stripper There's a Dan Aykroyd movie Yes Nothing but trouble Nothing but trouble That's what I was referencing too Yeah the roller coaster That sounds Yeah I didn't know that was
Starting point is 01:44:29 It's called Mr. Bone stripper I hate bankers Banker I hate bankers It's a good movie For some reason I love referencing Nothing but trouble
Starting point is 01:44:37 It's very The Gentleman's Sausage for five I will not buy the bug nets I will not drink the Huel I hate EA I hate the Antichrist. That's true. Michael winning for two.
Starting point is 01:44:48 Sam Hyde two. Hassan Bougaloo. I'd watch it. Asgard for five. Will there be any refunds for the live show if Vito ends up being too tired to show? No refunds. I will be there. No refunds.
Starting point is 01:44:58 Jim Satala for 20. Vito. Big 20. Thank you, Jim. Vito's missing the reason why the studios change backstories and so the woke stuff. They are not doing it for political reasons. they change 25% of the story so they Don't have to pay the creators I don't know If that's true what
Starting point is 01:45:12 Everybody says the reason they make changes to These characters is because otherwise They're gonna have to pay royalties Uh to the Creators the other possible reason is That it protects against Uh what do you mean changes? Like, Namor in this movie is now Mayan.
Starting point is 01:45:30 They don't call it... Like, the race? His race is Mayan? Yeah, he comes from the Mayans. He's like 400 years old. He no longer... No, if he came out and said, my name is Kleenex, Kleenex would be suing. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:45:40 It's not... There's no percentage change of. The better theory is that it's to protect against copyright running out. So right now, like Winnie the Pooh is public domain. But if you put like a red shirt on him, you will be sued by Disney. Because Disney owns, they still have the copyright on anything they invented for Winnie the Pooh after the point of the original copyright. Intellectual property, right? Property has got to go.
Starting point is 01:46:11 Well, vote it up. You have that option. Or like, you know, there's that show Holmes. Yeah, Sherlock Holmes. Yeah, the original owners of the, because Sherlock Holmes is obviously public domain, but the owners of the estate are like, or, you know, the, or whoever used to own it, his estate is like, yeah, but Holmes didn't hate dogs until 1940.
Starting point is 01:46:35 So him hating dogs. That's us. That's yeah. They're going, we still own any homes that hates dogs. And there's all sorts of shit like that. Mickey Mouse having gloves didn't happen until 10 years later. So once Mickey Mouse is public domain, you can't put gloves on him. You can only do the
Starting point is 01:46:50 Steamboat Willie Mickey. It's very weird and complicated. It's very interesting. Nathan Efratt for five. The internet causes autism because parents are on their phones instead of making eye contact with their babies. That might be true. We're very distracted as a people. Claptrap the Destroyer,
Starting point is 01:47:05 the Grinch Pit was phenomenal for five. Do a Frosty the Snowman one next. Boogie the Cancer Man. You gotta save it. His long last piece of meat. Every episode, these will be your stingers, is Boogie Christmas songs.
Starting point is 01:47:20 He's fat and gay and he's fucked up his DNA. That's terrible. So his maker he would meet. Boogie the Cancer Man. Alright, we've got enough Boogie Cancer jokes for one episode. Jesus Christ. Spider Eternal for two.
Starting point is 01:47:38 Kevin Conroy died. Dark Day TBF. Max Attack for 20 New Zealand dollars. That's only 10 bucks. Well then why did they put it in orange? It sounds exciting. I thought for 20 New Zealand dollars. That's only 10 bucks. Well, then why did they put it in orange? It sounds exciting. I thought Vito was born fat. Fuck you. Well, we're going to refresh. Get your last
Starting point is 01:47:53 Super Chats in now. But what a beautiful show. We've had so much fun. That was like a freestyle song that I did. I know. You're pretty good at that. Thanks. Thanks. The Apprentice 007. Any opinions of Mr. Girl Me Too-ing Destiny? Well, we kind of at that Thanks Thanks The Apprentice 007 Any opinions of Mr. Girl Me tooing Destiny
Starting point is 01:48:07 Well we kind of Talked about it The Apprentice Did you just wander in here And ask this question We've been talking about it The whole time You're very late
Starting point is 01:48:14 I just think You just wander into The middle of a show With two bucks Here's my take That people are not You know Understanding
Starting point is 01:48:22 Is These women came to him and said we've been abused by destiny too and he took them seriously and he's like well that's terrible i'll look into it like maybe he's done this to other people and then they go mr curl manipulated us into coming out against destiny and it's like you went to him why did he give a shit though i don't know because he's literally he's like you know how I'm like a bleeding heart liberal And I care about stuff He's like that times a thousand
Starting point is 01:48:48 He's like a guy For women Like this celebrity like sex chatted me Mr. Girl is a guy I've had conversations with him I was like I want to do this thing He's like if you do that I'm not your friend anymore Like he's hard line When Russia Today came to me and said, do you want to run our Twitter?
Starting point is 01:49:07 I'm like, that would be funny. I want to sow disinformation for the Russians. And he's like, I can't abide that. Yeah, but then he trotted this whole story out. Isn't that like re-victimizing the victim? I don't know. I think they said. For what?
Starting point is 01:49:19 Like, Destiny doesn't care. But I think they said they wanted him to do. I don't know. But who cares? Like, they're clearly mentally insane and abused. You don't just do whatever they say. Well, the thing is that I think they came to him and they're like, this abuse is going on.
Starting point is 01:49:32 And so he said, I want to look into it. But then he started like cold calling people and being like, Hey, I've heard destiny's abusive. Like, do you know anything about this? The election season is coming up. Is destiny raped you at all? Do you feel like the power dynamic? And then the people he went to obviously went to Destiny,
Starting point is 01:49:46 and they said, hey, Mr. Girl's, like, digging up dirt on you. So then Destiny does a stream where he goes, Mr. Girl's a fucking piece of shit and whatever else. And then he felt compelled to respond. I think he should have just went radio silent and said, like, listen, I'm looking into some things. I mean, he's getting good marketing out of it. Like, everyone's talking about it.
Starting point is 01:50:04 It's funny. It's funny that the girls Are re-victimized And they're crying Like I wouldn't have seen The girls crying If he hadn't done this I don't think it's that big a deal I think that's funny
Starting point is 01:50:11 I think it's sad I think the only thing Out of this is sad Cause like I think Mr. Girl Really liked Destiny And he honestly He feels like really betrayed
Starting point is 01:50:19 Cause I guess he like You know he talked to Destiny And he's like What's the deal with these women And Destiny was like Ah they're all crazy bitches I hate them all and then yeah but then it came out that he's like sexting with him all the time he's like well then why do you call them you know fucking bitches and let your audience attack turns them on honestly like yeah that might be part of
Starting point is 01:50:37 it women are nuts yeah what and then like destiny stopped being friends with nick fuentes because mr girl did he stop being friends with Nick Fuentes cuz mr. Graham Did he stop being friends with him? Yeah, destiny's like doesn't has not friends with Nick Fuentes anymore and those guys were doing great stuff Stop supporting Nick finders. Why I cuz he's terrible. What's terrible name me one thing name me three things That's bad Name one then. Name one. If you don't have three things, then fine. His video, he put out, he was on recently and somebody clipped it where he's like, well, this election just proves
Starting point is 01:51:12 we need to stop letting people vote. We need to, you know, basically a totalitarian leader. Stop. We should stop letting everyone vote. No, he doesn't want any voting at all. He wants... No, I heard this clip. He wants... Well, okay. It kind of sounds like he wants a fascist dictatorship, which is bad. I mean, if you're not in charge, yeah, it's bad.
Starting point is 01:51:30 You're in charge. I'm not going to be in charge, and you're not going to be in charge. Nick Fuentes is going to be in charge. We're all going to have to fuck Catboys, and I don't want to do it. Oh, you don't want to fuck Catboys now. Not exclusively. Not because you're being told to, because you have oppositional defiance disorder. Like, I'll fuck a cat boy.
Starting point is 01:51:46 That's your problem with Dick Fuentes? The fascism? Come on. Is that your only problem with Hitler? All the fascism? Come on. Get over it. He's funny.
Starting point is 01:51:56 This would be you in Germany. If only somebody had gone back in time and told Hitler to go to a Holocaust museum and write an essay about how sorry he was. If you were in the Weimar Republic, you would be going, this Hitler guy is hilarious. Well, let's make him chiseler. An alternative of what I would be doing if I was there. Jesus Christ. That's your problem with Nick Fuentes?
Starting point is 01:52:16 Yeah, you don't promote fascism. Promote democracy. There's no democracy, though. It's just like, Do what we say or else You'll lose all your bank accounts and stuff I'm gonna go on that shooting spree What though? I'm so done with this
Starting point is 01:52:31 Don't you think that You're not gonna vote out Fat tyranny Okay Do you not think so? There's no point in anything Everything Everything that human beings
Starting point is 01:52:40 Have fought to achieve And just throw off the shackles What have we fought to achieve? Slavery and feudalism and all of that. It's just bullshit. The banks brought it back. Okay.
Starting point is 01:52:48 So how are you going to vote it out? Do you think there's a way we can vote out the Federal Reserve? Yeah, like Kanye. Oh, what do you think he's going to do?
Starting point is 01:52:56 Kill all the... Bankers! You know the movie! He's going to go death con is what he's going to do. That's a defensive maneuver. Well, it's a state of readiness It's a commit ax
Starting point is 01:53:09 Refresh How do you think You're gonna You're gonna vote out The situation we're in though I don't know sir Alright That's all the Super Chats
Starting point is 01:53:22 Hey real quick Put our Top supporters up on the board we love you guys And don't forget to vote At biggestproblem.show Live show This coming weekend Is it Friday or Saturday?
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Starting point is 01:54:05 We're going to have fun. Okay. And hopefully it'll be good, and I think it'll be good. Goodbye. I love you guys. That boogie stuff. I don't know.

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