The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 74
Episode Date: January 23, 2023Thoughts and Prayers, Fear of Negotiating, Dick and Vito Get No Credit, The Myth of a Conservative Creative Renaissance...
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Do not look at my phone.
We're so on time!
Yeah, I know!
It's the best.
I've been feeling fine all day.
Suddenly I look like a guy.
Yeah, you got like pink eye.
Yeah, what the fuck, man?
What did you eat before the smash burgers?
There's nothing weird in those.
It was a fleck of oil in my eyes.
Was there any kind of spicy thing on it?
Any kind of peppers
Or anything
Blowfish
Chopped up
Oh you got a blowfish burger
Blowfish
Yeah
You think anything
Might have gotten in
I got one of the
What do you call it
Scorpion venom
Fries
Yeah yeah
Just cover them
In the drippings
Of a scorpion
The
Turmeric
Whatever that stuff is
And tannins
It's a tannin seasoning blend
That I put in my face
Yeah
Before I eat it
It's a tenderize
In preparation
I look like shit
You do
It's hilarious
I don't have COVID though
I tested myself this week
Because I was sick when I got back
From Ralph-a-mania
I can't believe you didn't get COVID
I got Ralph-a-madness
Yeah I was gonna say I got Ralph-a-mania. I can't believe you didn't get back from that. I got Ralph-a-madness. Yeah, I was going to say.
I got Ralph-a-madness.
You ever had that? Yeah, yeah. No, I don't
think I've ever had Ralph-a-madness
to the... I got Ralph-a-madness.
There's people who are still like,
how come you didn't go to Ralph-a-mania? I'm like, I'm not going to
fly across the country for a two-hour
wrestling show. Why? It's great.
It's a whole weekend. Well, what did you
guys do The second day
And then that fat chick
Was all upset
That wrestling girl
Did you see that
Yeah
Yeah
You saw that
We talked about that
On the dick show
A little bit
What was I gonna say
So what'd you guys
So was it
The first night was wrestling
And then what
You hung out with Ralph
Gay sex
What else
Gay sex with your buds
Yeah
It's the best
Circle jerk
Circle jerk on
She played soggy biscuit yeah jagged
lost yeah i get i think you guys have fun i don't know i would be like what the hell's going on
this is nonsense guy pissed all over his stuff wait somebody pissed all over ralph's stuff no
his own stuff why he's drunk i don't know i woke up a pissing was going on. Oh, come on. What a wild, wacky time.
Well, I'm sorry I missed it.
Though I've heard that WATP and the Dick Show may have locked down the dates for Philadelphia.
Are you ready?
You're coming to that, right?
I definitely want to go.
Yeah.
I'm happy to hear that the show will be picking up my ticket and appearance fees.
I don't know about appearance fees.
We'll figure something out.
WATP TDS live Philly 422. Oh, 422. Couldn't get a two days earlier. You want to go to a party on a Thursday? Thursday night show. It's the biggest. It's must-see TV. Must-see.
Must-see Carl. The Thursday night throwdown.
Must-see Carl.
When's the formal dinner?
Is that on Thursday?
Well, Vito, actually...
Where did he go?
Oh, no.
You have the wrong cutout, cutout.
Oh, shit.
Andrew Tate's going to be there as well.
Andrew Tate's going to be there.
Everyone's going to...
No, I think this is going to be the don't miss comedy event of the year.
I think so, too, actually.
I think a lot of people are going to be there.
Hopefully, you got a big venue.
Huge.
It better be.
It's the Philly Flyers Stadium.
No, it's not.
The Eagles Stadium.
50,000.
Okay.
We'll see you at the Eagles.
If we fill it, we get free beer.
Yeah, we'll see you guys at the Eagle Stadium.
The Flyers.
That should be easy to fill.
That'll be easy.
I'm going to break Charles Barkley's jersey down off the wall.
Did he play?
No, he played for the 76ers.
Didn't he?
Wait, did he play football?
Charles Barkley?
Yeah. He played basketball Barkley? Yeah.
He played basketball.
Okay. Yeah. Oh, see there, now it's clearing up. My nose is clearing up a little
bit. Just needed a little laughter in your system.
Just needed some lies. Sometimes if I don't
lie enough, the day backs up.
Backs up. Alright, you ready? Let's do it!
Ralph's currently
Ralph's having a real fun stream.
The greatest stream stream The greatest stream
The greatest stream of 2023
Don't send people over there
We got a live show over here
Ralph's not doing anything
You know what
I try as hard as I can
I can't make people love Ralph like I do
Doesn't matter what I say
You're his biggest fan
Oh yeah brother Biggest Problem Oh, yeah, brother.
Biggest problem in the universe.
Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe.
The only show that ranks every problem in the universe.
From gas-burning stoves to you mad bros.
Ooh. I have a feeling we to you mad bros. Ooh.
I have a feeling we'll see the bros rhyme again.
I'm your host, Dick Masterson, and joining me as always is Vito Gislelli.
Hi, Dick.
What's up, buddy?
Are you?
It feels like it's been a while since we had a normal show.
It feels like, well, yeah.
And for some reason, the Adam Sessler show, which was like a Thursday show, feels like
an eternity ago.
That show took an eternity to put out.
Well, it's true. I've been
re-editing the same show.
Remastered!
Now in Laserdisc!
The audio has been
remastered again
and fixed again. We learned a lot of
lessons from the Adam Sessler episode.
One is, if a guest is going to call
in, like three days at a time
we're going to check to see how shitty their microphone
is. Yeah. And if it's complete dog
shit we will just buy them
like a better microphone.
I would have much rather
paid like a hundred bucks
send that guy a blue Yeti like from
Amazon. We can send like a little Indian guy
in a suitcase to his house. Might as well.
Why don't you turn the game down on this thing?
And we will also make sure to go live with the episode when we say we're, instead of just saying we're live, we will actually check to make sure that we are live so that our audience is not sitting there wondering what the hell's going on.
You see, I found the problem why we thought that we were live.
Why is that?
Because right at the beginning of the episode
I said, we're live
Yes
You said that
Well, you know
You said that
But I also figured out
I figured out the problem though too
So I feel like that's a wash
You didn't
You didn't figure it out
Yeah, I didn't cause a problem
But I didn't fix it
So therefore
That's worse That's like the old argument of like Well, yeah, I mean't, you didn't figure it out, but I didn't fix it, so therefore,
that's worse,
that's like the old argument, the old argument of like,
well,
yeah,
I mean,
we enslaved all the black people,
but we eventually,
we were the ones,
who stopped,
yeah,
who set them free,
so it's kind of a wash,
you guys wouldn't have done that,
I don't think it works that way,
I don't think that's,
that's good logic,
okay,
Adam had a fun time,
I think Adam was a great guest.
We've had a lot of great.
I mean, obviously his haters are out there going, oh, Adam Seltzer's the word.
But a lot of people are like, hey, he's kind of funny.
And he's like.
No, he's funny.
The good thing about Adam is he's one of these rare guys who's clearly very left-leaning
and he hates Trump and whatever else.
But like me, he isn't like, oh, I can't possibly talk to Dick or shoot the shit.
Or, you know, he can get over his political leanings and engage with some of these ideas and criticism.
And he's funny about it, I thought.
Because people our age, Adam and my age, know that it doesn't matter what you think or want.
You're going to get fucked and nothing that you want to happen or want will ever happen to you. So okay
Well, it's a depressing world, but maybe that's why that's why it's like why would you not talk to that guy?
Like, you know, I want to kill them all too, but it's never gonna happen
He felt like an old friend. I I hope we can get him back in some respect cuz he was great me, too
Okay, let's do this the big winner
He was great.
Me too.
Okay, let's do the big winner.
Gas stove ban.
The gas stove ban beat Adam Sessler as the problem.
Very surprising.
Wasn't everyone?
Guys, go re-vote.
That was a dumb problem that I brought in.
It was topical.
You don't even remember it.
Your gas stove's already gone.
I think Adam Sessler is clearly the biggest problem in the universe,
and he deserved that.
Not to mention a guy who knows he's hated Bringing himself in as a problem
Was the ultimate meta problem
Maybe they didn't like that
Maybe they thought he was trying to outgame the game
Do you think Rick and Morty's better now?
That guy
Justin Roiland is a woman abuser
Yeah
How are you watching that show and you didn't already know That that guy abuses women
Like I knew that
But like so aggressively
I don't think
Is he that
And like texting like
16 year olds
Calling him jailbait
Like wow
Dude uh
There was a period of time
Where Justin Roiland
Was just like a psychopath
On Twitter
Fighting with you know
All these teenagers
And telling them
You know
You're a bunch of
F's
F slurs
Or whatever
He was like a
Hardcore internet troll
almost in the vein of a Vito Giswaldi, I would say.
And at some point,
he made the very wise decision to abandon
trying to hash out with these people.
But I always knew he was like just...
And that's when he wrote Community or whatever he wrote.
Well, that was Dan Harmon.
Oh, the other one?
Who's...
Justin Rowland's the watery skinny guy
who made Rick and Morty.
He's the voice of Morty.
You know what my problem is?
Not enough Morty and Rick impressions.
There's not enough of that.
Wow.
When that news broke, I was like, oh, man, I can't wait to hear 20 million.
I'm spouse abusing Rick.
I'm abusing my spouse.
I'm domestic abuse Rick
Wow
Everybody got one in there
I think what drives me nuts about that
Is the second it breaks
I'm like yeah all those jokes
Are going to happen because nobody stops for a second
And goes you know there's a court of law
We don't know what happened
Things are complicated
It's immediately that like like
everybody shifts on a turns on a dime and they're like oh yeah i always hated that guy i hate that
guy forever not to mention that they're using their hatred of rick and morty which is like okay
you hate the tv show the guy made to be like i always knew that guy was a piece of shit because
his tv show isn't good and like no that's not a reasonable comparison to make you're so black
pilled veto you got to give people something to hope for no like i hope that he beat the hell out TV show isn't good. No, that's not a reasonable comparison to make. You're so black-pilled, Vito.
You've got to give people something to hope for.
No.
I hope that he beat the hell out of his wife.
I don't care if he did.
You know, you've got to give the kids something to hope for.
You know that guy that made Rick and Morty?
He beat the shit out of his wife.
Like, oh, good for him.
Did he lock her in a box and cut off her arms and legs?
Or did they get in an argument and he popped her in the mouth
because she couldn't stop talking one time?
That's right off the top of your head.
There's a complete different.
Boxing Helena.
That classic movie.
Anyway, you know, like people,
I've been in an abusive relationship.
I've had a lady throw shit at me.
You really hammered her or what?
It might have.
Oh, you were the victim in that one?
Well.
Because you whined until she kicked your ass?
Is that what?
I'm just
saying relationships are complicated
just because it gets physical
once or twice. Yeah.
Everyone's doing it. You know?
I don't think it's that big a deal. Everybody's drinking and
kicking each other's ass. And then they're like
Oh, I can't believe. Didn't the UFC guy
just slap his wife
at a party? Slapped her back because she
attacked him first.
Oh, okay.
So that makes it okay?
She attacked him with 100%
Well, it makes it
He could have dropped a nuclear bomb on her
and it's still not as big as zero to one.
But it feels like a weird double standard
where if you're like a big, bald UFC guy,
it's like, yeah, well, whatever.
Of course he's going to hit his wife.
But if you're like a skinny, little, wiry animator,
it's like, wait, you, you know, effeminately,
you know, slapped, leave me alone.
Like he's got animator hands.
Yeah.
Well, he could really tear, he could get her weak spots and he knows anatomy and facial
structure.
He could like hit five finger death toucher.
It's the double standard of the whole like left of like, oh, well he's supposed to be
one of the good ones.
But you know, everybody else is crazy about domestic abuse.
Defending women, too.
Sometimes.
Basically, both sides really are nuts about Gonzo about defending women.
I'm just saying, if it's like a pattern of abuse
and he was beating the shit out of a ton of women, fine.
But the fact that one lady says he hit her once, I'm like,
sometimes things happen.
What are you going to do?
I don't know, but the next season of Rick and Morty looks great.
It might be.
Okay.
I'm excited.
You mad?
The you mad game was last.
Should have been first.
Great problem for me.
That was bullshit.
Okay, let's see what else we got here.
I got Waylon.
I resubbed.
I'm now a proud Veto-phile
Yes
Because of how devilishly based
Superkiller is
How about that?
That's maybe not the reason to sign up
Lambertar says
The guest was almost as good as Destiny
What a fun episode
ATX Adventure says
Dix is really dropping the ball
The last several episodes
Veto might have himself a banana dox
Situation soon I think they're upset about the RSS feed Has like problems sometimes ball the last several episodes. Vito might have himself a banana docks situation soon.
I think they're upset about the RSS feed
has problems sometimes.
That's a whole other story.
That's a whole other thing.
I'm six minutes in.
This is the game, 3-4-6, and I can
see with everything that's happened in recent memory,
Sessler has not learned
one single thing from
his experiences. Still the pretentious douchebag I don't know if that's true.
I think he learned that he hates you guys.
And that's an important lesson to learn.
Yeah.
Inland Empire, gamers don't matter.
Well, let's break that down.
Oh, God, really?
Most gamers tend to be young men most of these young men are likely black pilled on life and use video games as one of
their many escapes from their shit reality of being a young man in the modern era these are
the very same groups of men that are that society has alienated berated insulted for decades and
are now starting to affect every aspect of society
merely due to the sheer amount of them that exist.
So keep it, boys.
Lol.
This certainly won't spiral and get worse
if you continue to berate and shame them
for completely justified...
I don't think it will ever get worse.
I don't think we're berating and shaming young men.
We love young men.
You know, as young as I can get them, I love them.
But I think there's a
point to be made and the point we were talking about is like why do you define yourself by
playing video games like why do you call yourself a gamer is that the most yeah is that really all
there is is that the only thing connecting us you ever meet like a rock climber and they just
keep talking about climbing routes and it. How inspiring it is.
It's like, well, I didn't even think I could do it.
And now he's just like, well, you just like shut up.
A guy posted on Facebook the other day.
He's like, I don't even know how I'm supposed to tackle this route.
It's just a wall with like a bunch of shit hanging off it.
Jump off of it and then die.
And break your neck.
And go head first right into the fucking jagged ground.
I don't know.
You shithead.
Let's form social clubs again.
A rock climber once told me that age is just a number.
I'm like, you're not from this side of fucking 35, you shithead.
Don't ever fucking talk like that.
Rock climbers.
Let's see.
Jrock7725 says, y'all just sit and giggle at the nonsense.
He says, y'all. Y and giggle at the nonsense, he says.
Y'all.
Y'all.
Worst interview ever.
He's a disgrace to humanity.
Adam Sassler.
Okay, go ahead.
Are you in my little Twitter group?
The YouTubers all talking to each other group?
No, because I have my old account.
Oh, let me invite you into it, because Lofty Pixels was very upset with our not going hard
enough on Adam Sessler.
Oh, he should interview him.
Yeah, he was in that group and he's like, you didn't hammer in him on like Gamergate
and blah, blah, blah.
I'm like, that wouldn't have been fucking interesting or funny.
Like, it's a comedy show.
Yeah.
So you should have taken him to task for like what he said about, you know, men and blah,
blah, blah.
And I was like, no.
Why don't you read it in a book, Lofty Pixels, with your fucking two degrees that are both focused on consuming?
Oh, I have a degree in consuming this media.
I have a degree in consuming this media.
Look at me.
I'm the ultimate consumer.
I'll tell you how to do interviews.
I think a lot of people don't realize like we're not a video game podcast.
So like if we spent all this time getting into the
minutia of gaming
politics and shit. I don't give a shit about all
that. He's a funny guy.
He actually made me like him more.
I saw somebody say, wow, shit, I like him again.
Yeah, a lot of people. I don't know what to say.
I think on Reddit there was a really
positive response. They were like, shit, Adam's kind of based.
And I was like, yeah, can't disagree with that.
You don't like video games? Stop buying them.
But I know you can't
because you got nothing
to fucking do.
How about that?
Stop buying fucking video games
if you got such a big
fucking problem with them.
I like Adam Sessler.
I don't know.
Let's see.
I have one last,
one last comment.
Vito's Twitter.
Vito's Twitter.
Yeah,
what?
What did I do? Let me see here. This was sent in by Vibe Collector. Vito's Twitter Vito's Twitter Vito being Vito on Twitter
Let me see here
This was sent in by
Vibe Collector
Vito's Twitter
Vito being Vito on Twitter
You said
You said
Didn't work out for Megaphone Guy
I guess
And this is a drag performer
at a story hour.
It was drag queen story hour
and they tried to interrupt it
with a bunch of microphones
and bullshit.
And a megaphone
and then they kicked
the megaphone guy's ass.
No, they didn't kick his ass.
They just stood in front of him.
Look.
But this is what happened to you
at Netflix.
Yeah, and I made it funny.
Oh, okay.
This guy wasn't being funny.
This guy's just being an obnoxious dick.
How did you make it funny?
Because I was being loud and stupid, and I went, why are you hurting my sign?
He's just trying to ruin their thing.
Well, he should have been.
If he was funnier about it, there wouldn't have been a problem.
Oh, I see.
Okay.
So I guess maybe that doesn't count.
Also, he's protesting a stupid thing.
Like, just let them have Their fucking drag queen story hour
We were protesting
In favor of
Free speech
Oh yeah
Okay
And drag queen story hour
Is free speech
I was
I was just there
To hurt those people's feelings
Honestly
I didn't
I didn't care about free speech
It was like
Yeah let's go look at these cues
And
I genuinely
I genuinely
Am worried about comedians
being censored by the gatekeepers
at Big Tech. I was there for homophobia
reasons. No, shut the fuck up.
You're gonna ruin it.
That's not why we're there.
Hey, did you know me and Chrissy Mayer
are friends now, by the way? Oh, great.
So you better watch it. You've been talking a lot of shit
about her
on this show, okay?
Yeah, I'm the only one who's ever said anything about Chrissy Marr on this show.
You have never once.
I come into the top rope.
You're the one who got me hating Chrissy Marr, which I won't even go into.
I knew nothing about that lady.
Congratulations.
This is the RIPAverse goalposts.
I don't know what that is.
This is a gimmick account, which was one of your problems.
It's a problem, so that's a voted up, too.
That's a voted up, as well.
It's an account that challenges people who hate Isom and Eric July.
I read this.
I couldn't figure out what the point of the account was.
It was a goalpost, so you're saying that RIPA moves the goalposts?
No, they're saying that his detractors move the goalposts. Some people were saying stupid was like, goalposts? So, like, you're saying that Ripa moves the goalposts? No, they're saying that his detractors move the goalposts.
Because some people were saying stupid shit like, oh, he's not even going to make a comic,
or he's going to, like, rip everybody off.
And I was like, obviously he's going to make a comic.
Yeah, it's dog shit.
Yeah, I've had people come to me, and they're like, well, how does it feel to be wrong about it?
And I'm like, I always said it was just going to be dog shit.
Like, that's all I said.
And it is, as far as I read.
Is somebody going to send in a review copy?
Somebody said they might get us a review copy
because there's no way I'm paying $50
for a comic book. Yeah.
It's like $50 after shipping.
Wow. What if you buy his wife's
jewelry? Is it less? You know what I found out?
So part of the reason
the shipping is like extra is you're like well why
not just ship it media mail? You know media mail?
You can ship books. $3. We for like yeah yeah but you can't ship like magazines and whatever by media
mail because they have advertisements in them so because he put an advertisement in his comic
he legally could not ship it media mail and it increased the price of shipping from three dollars to like ten bucks I don't know if he knew that ahead of time. No dude like
But now I'm like shit. I didn't know that either so like because people have been saying you should put like ads in your comic
I'm like oh, but then I can't ship it medium. I mean what?
What are you gonna? I don't know through it well stop these if you make a cocaine going through
But if you know a lot of packages all at once, they'll rip one open.
If you're shipping like 500 things media mail.
When they're going to go.
They'll go, let me open one.
And they'll flip through.
Shut them down.
Burn them.
You don't think the U.S. Postal Service will try and gouge you for whatever they can?
Come on.
They're dying.
They won't try to gouge you.
They're running out of money.
They got to get it wherever they can.
So the Ripperverse caught Caught
They found the fan art
And the weird thing is
They don't
Obviously they can't put it into context
Wait what is this who is this character
The funniest thing though
Is the number of them who like
Can't figure out what this is
An obvious reference to
Cause they're like Why has he got drugs?
Why is he kneeling on him?
I'm like, are you guys that fucking stupid?
Yes.
And finally, one of them goes, wait,
does this remind anybody else of what happened to George Floyd?
I'm like, wait, why?
Obviously, you fucking idiot.
That's like why the guy made it, you idiot.
So yeah, this has been going.
The Ripaverse community is aware of...
This is who we're up against.
This is who they are.
And they is the people that...
They don't even know who they are.
They is a bunch of trolls who are fucking with me.
They is me, my side, the racist side.
Right.
Yeah.
Our side thinks that George Floyd died of a fentanyl overdose.
Shut up.
No, he didn't. God damn it. No, our side thinks that. I know your side thinks thatl overdose. Shut up. No, he didn't.
God damn it.
No, our side thinks that.
I know your side thinks that.
Sure.
It doesn't make sense to say this is who they are.
No, it's very complicated.
This is you.
This is your side.
They think this is the left being racist.
This is not the left.
What?
I'm like, you guys have no idea what's going on.
Just stop.
They're like, oh, the distraction.
This is who they are.
What?
These leftists are showing us their true colors.
And I'm like, a leftist did not
This is not the point of this thing
Alright, well, there you go
That's been fun
Eric July has yet to comment on Super Killer
So
It's weird, Eric July will like quote tweet
Anyone who talks shit about him, except me
Yeah
I think he's a little bit
He doesn't want to get into a beef with me.
No, because you'll make him look like an idiot.
Yeah, because I'll actually be funny.
My criticisms are on point.
Well, Dick, I have an exciting segment.
Okay.
Let's play it.
We're voting it up.
Voting it up.
On the website.
Voting it up.
The list of problems is sky high.
We're voting it up.
On the website.
That's good.
If you don't vote, then you're gonna die.
Vote or die, folks, with Voted Up.
Dick, do you remember a problem called edgy reboots from all the way back in episode three?
Yeah.
Well, on that problem, have you heard of Velma, the edgy reboot of the Scooby-Doo universe?
Yeah.
Which is now the third worst rated TV show in IMDb history.
What's the worst two?
It's like some weird documentary about a boxer everybody hates and some other foreign show.
But it has taken its place as the lowest rated piece of entertainment, scoring lower than Dragon Ball Evolution, which held the crown for 10 years.
It is a very bad show.
Did you try to watch it?
I watched episode one.
It's not good at all.
It's racist.
It's very racist towards white people, strangely. No, it's racist towards all the races. It's episode one. It's not good at all. It's racist. It's a little, and it's very racist
towards white people,
strangely.
No, it's racist.
Towards all the racists?
It's racist,
like period.
Not like reverse racist.
It's racist.
Well,
because eventually
if you're like
criticizing white,
if you're like
showing white people
being racist,
that's still racism.
But this is just
Velma,
the character
describing white people
Being racist which is like
Even worse
White people being racist
Is like okay yeah that's a bad guy
I get it I don't like it but I get it
But it was just talking about racism existing
Somewhere else in the universe
It's like her projecting racism into white people
Like well that's just
That's racism
You can't just talk about it her projecting racism into white people. Like, well, that's just, that's racism. Yeah, you gotta actually show it.
You can't just talk about it.
Because then you can challenge it and react to it.
You're just like saying things.
For those of you who don't know,
again, it's a reboot of Scooby-Doo without,
Scooby-Doo is not in it.
Yeah.
Velma is played by Mindy Kaling
and is now an Indian woman.
Did she bleach her skin?
In real life?
Yeah.
Her skin color tone does change
She does look lighter now
Yeah
I hate her
I don't know
All I know about her is
You weren't an Office fan though, right?
I despise The Office
Well, she wrote for that show
And was on that show
But there's a famous scene
Where Kevin brings in his big pot of chili
That's hilarious
Okay
I've seen that
Okay, he spills the chili everywhere
And he flounders around all in it
Apparently on the office
In the office writing room
She threatened to quit the show
If they kept that scene in
In the script
She was like
This is stupid
It's not funny
What a fat man
Rolls around in chili
And it has gone on to be
Like one of the most famous
And like
Love scenes
What an idiot
She just exists exists solely because of
her race and gender so it's so sad yeah it definitely it's so racist we talk about this
hollywood uh diversity leg up some people maybe have the talent and some people yeah it's just
like oh we got an indian woman who writes jokes amazing you're like she good at it? No, but she's Indian.
Her perspective is unbelievable. Her perspective.
The most important thing.
Well, that's Edgy Reboots, which is currently number 30
with 693 votes, so don't
forget to vote it up.
This is a problem from you. Intellectual property
laws from episode
40. Well, the creators of
Dungeons and Dragons are in hot
water after details of a new licensing
agreement has leaked.
This would replace the old open gaming license
giving owners Wizards of the Coast
the right to automatically use
any content sold by fans
so they get the right to any
fan sold content and requiring
those fans to report any income made
from D&D related products.
Like if I make my own adventure?
Yeah.
Like a wheelchair dragon?
If you make a wheelchair dragon module and you sell it on your website for $9.99,
they would have the rights to your wheelchair inventions,
and you would have to report.
What do you mean?
They're like the IRS for Dungeons & Dragons?
Yeah, basically.
You have to report any income you mean like the irs for dungeons and dragons yeah basically you have to report any
income you make now they say they won't you know take any money unless you make over 750k but
obviously they could change that in the future and if you're making over 750k the whole point of dnd
is that they're like we understand that this game can't exist without other people creating content
for it so they've always had this all in your head like you're like oh you're in a fucking basement and your wiener is like, well, that's
the most interesting aspect is I've watched some legal videos about it.
And they're kind of like, in a way, Wizards of the Coast is completely fucked because
there's like literally nothing stopping you from being like, here's all this stuff to
use with Dungeons and Dragons.
But just don't say Dungeons and Dragons.
Just be like, it's a guy in a wheel.
Like, you can't copyright game rules. Look, it's a guy in a wheel like you can't
copyright game rules look everyone's still in a wheelchair okay don't worry about that now what
if i just have dungeon dragons but it's just black people instead of orcs can i do that well if that's
what you think you need to do that's called the school to prison pipeline i'll just call it that. You're entering Compton.
Don't sell this.
There's black people everywhere.
Roll your Thaco dice to see if you're half police officer, half social worker gets their armor class attacked.
I don't know how well that would be.
You think that would be a fun game?
No, I don't think that would be a fun game.
It'd be called Wheelchairs and Fentanyl. Okay. That's my game. I don't know be a fun game. It'd be called Wheelchairs and Fentanyl.
Okay.
That's my game.
I don't know who wants to play that, but regardless, if you sell it, you need to report your income
to the Wizards of the Coast Corporation, or they may come at you.
What's your alignment?
Neutral gay.
Okay.
That's my alignment.
Intellectual property law is currently number 214 with 146 votes.
Don't forget to vote it up.
We're voting it up.
Voting it up.
On the website.
Voting it up.
The list of problems in sky.
Chaotic gay.
We're voting it up.
Or is that trademarked?
The chaotic.
I think you should try it.
I think you should.
Retarded gay.
It's not chaotic.
It's retarded.
I'm retarded. it. It's chaotic. It's retarded.
I'm retarded gay.
I'm a retarded gay police officer.
The exciting new role-playing adventure from Dickhead Enterprises.
Retarded gay police.
Cops and black people.
But it's in the swirly Dungeons and Dragons. Out of the Coliseum comes a big black guy.
Oh, my God.
He's 700 feet tall.
I don't think this is going to sell that well.
I don't think there's a big market for that.
Everyone's sick of this fantasy shit.
You got to live this fantasy shit all day.
Why not have a real escapism of living in the inner city?
Compton. Sure.
Gigantic. Escape
from the ghetto. Escape? No, it's
escape from fantasy. Module D49. I'm so
tired of superheroes
and bullshit. I need real
half police,
half drug using
black men. Drug using black guys.
Okay. Retarded gay alignment
this is terrible
there's a lot of things wrong with that
I'm a level 12
neckbeard queer
romancer
welcome to my
are the queers fighting the blacks now
this is a very
complex ecosystem
it's a lot going on.
No, I don't have to work on it.
I just replace it.
It's just copy, paste, copy, paste.
It's a spider queen.
It's just huge black man.
Black guys, orcs.
I know that everyone's
already thinking it.
Okay.
According to the, you know.
I'm sure the Dungeons and Dragons
community will be very excited
for blacks and gays.
Yeah.
Versus cops, versus whatever. This is nonsense. Dick, you're the winner. I'm casting my level the dragons community will be very excited for blacks and gays yeah verse cops verse whatever
this is nonsense dick you're the winner level nine fentanyl spell on you a cone of fentanyl
and the cops writhing on the ground covered in fentanyl yeah all right big winner you got a
problem for me yeah it's called uh v veto and dick get no credit no credit i first
noticed this problem when we had adam sessler on and the quartering did a video on it and said
these two guys interviewed adam sessler did you see that he didn't name us at all he didn't say
he did later okay all right yeah thanks for thanks for covering us well uh i will will say, I did get a little note from a guy who said, you know,
because there's a lot of these channels that they talk nothing about,
they talk constantly about G4 and gaming and whatever else.
And he said to me, listen, I talked to some of these guys,
they don't want to cover it because they don't like Vito.
You better stand up!
I guess so. What the fuck?
They're willing to, you know, our great
exclusive news
that we bring them. Me, the creator of
Blacks and Queers. Because they have
to credit us. Well, the other thing we didn't get
credit with is any of the Netflix stuff.
Nobody wants to credit us. We single-handedly
ended that shit.
The Netflix president came out like weeks after.
He said, you know, know We're not gonna change anything
We think it's gonna be fine
I'm like yeah
I think we completely
Dismantled that protest
Totally destroyed it
I think if we weren't there
That protest could've like
Gotten ground
People could've been like
You're right
We gotta cancel Chappelle
And instead
We gotta kill him
We made them look like
Complete idiots
And they're like
You know what
I guess we don't even
Have to worry about these people
That guy that was gonna
Stab Dave on stage
Running through his mind at the last minute
he saw you getting a sign smash, he goes,
oh man, and he lost his nerve a little
bit and he stumbled. So here
is something else that we didn't get credit for.
This is what Frosk,
that lady. That right, yeah.
The one that said women are not
meant to be looked at and they're like
they're video games and stuff. Women should not
exist to be nice On the eyes for you
She
After our last episode
With Adam Sessler
With Adam Sessler
She said
On Twitter
I've been angry
For a long time
With my peers
For not using their power
And voice
To stand up for others
In the industry
Had to come to some hard terms that people who I'd
known for years who I thought were good friends just weren't devastating I saw that tweet yeah
anyway I'm leaving the industry I found new work elsewhere this industry is really messed up And what happened to me And plenty of others
Wasn't fair
And it could have been avoided
If we had all stood up together
Like not going on podcasts with guys
Like us
You let me down
But I get why
Cheers and good luck
I don't know
I don't know if she saw that Adam came on our show and felt like that was him throwing her under the bus.
We have exorcised the demon.
This internet is clear.
We did it.
We did it.
We fucking did it.
Everyone hated that woman.
And we fucking got rid of her. I didn't
hate her either. But everyone else did
and we fucking got rid of
we fucking did it. If you're happy
she's gone, you should maybe be looking at
us. Pony up some dough. Patreon.com
slash biggest problem or back.by
slash biggest problem. We fucking did it.
We got no credit. Everyone talked
about this. We got no fucking credit.
It's true. Everyone is talking about Frosk leaving the internet, leaving the game industry.
And coincidentally, it comes right after.
Right after.
Her former co-host, I don't know, maybe didn't do a great job defending her or she felt like
he shouldn't be commenting on it at all.
I mean, it's a little speculative, but it kind of feels like.
It's what happened.
It may be speculative, but that's what happened.
It feels like the things we do have echoes
throughout this entire ecosphere.
Yeah, Lofty, you shithead. What did you do last week?
Nothing. We made Frosty
Frost quit the whole internet.
The whole industry.
We did that. I think we have
a little more power than people want to give
to us. I think we're
movers and shakers in our own way.
I know that we did it.
I know.
We saved Netflix.
We kicked Frosk off the internet.
And Chappelle.
We saved Chappelle.
There was something else we did that was great.
I don't know.
Everything we do is great.
I forget.
Also.
We're going to get the Frasier reboot shut down.
That's going to be good, too.
Joe Cristalli, we're coming for you.
We're changing the world here on Biggest Problem.
And we don't get any credit, still.
No one says, man, those guys really did it.
They really played some 4D, Dungeons and Black Eyes.
Dungeons and Darkies.
No, I didn't say that.
Can I not say that?
Is that too bad?
Whatever. I think that. No I not say that? Is that too bad? Ah, whatever.
I think that... Now, the dragons are Chinese people.
Yeah.
That's what it would be.
You have your team of like a half black guy, half cop, and then like a big Chinese guy
comes like, whoa!
Out of the forum, right?
I don't know.
I don't know how we got back to Dungeons and Dragons.
Because it's funnier.
I think there's also, there's a lot of people who, I don't know, it's complicated.
There's a lot of haters out there, right?
Yeah.
And now let's be clear, there's some great reasons to criticize things me and Dick have done.
Fine.
But for the most part, okay, just me.
Fine.
Yeah, you.
You can say Vito causes trouble and Vito's a troll and whatever else.
But I always say, hey, the content is king.
You can hate what I've done in the past or things I've said or whatever else,
but we're still here making a show.
If the show sucks, you have every right to hate me.
But if the show is good, you got to be honest.
You got to say, it's a great show they're putting on.
Something happened.
Something happened to cause this tweet.
What happened was us.
I want to get Frosk on the show.
I have her agent's email.
Really?
Yeah.
What is it?
Lady at Yahoo.com?
Frosk's terrible handler at Gmail?
Not Frosk's agent at Yahoo.com?
Supposedly with some agency.
Because previously she had said,
I'll go on any show with any of my haters.
And I reached out. I'm like, well, hey, listen. I think don't go on any show with any of my haters. And I reached
out. I'm like, well, hey, listen, I think don't go on like one of these fucking crazy geeks and
gamers thing because they're just going to yell at you. Don't go on Lofty Pixels to get a lecture
about Gamergate. Here's the thing. Adam comes on here. And yes, his haters are still out in force.
But a lot of people see, oh, Adam is just a guy who's fed up with a bunch of internet trolls.
He's a normal guy. He thinks you're all retarded. He's got a bunch of money see Oh Adam's just a guy Who's fed up With a bunch of internet trolls He's a normal guy
He thinks you're all retarded
He's got a bunch of money
In the bank
Because he had a successful
Tech thing
That he just cashed in on
And now he's just gonna
Retire and hang out
And he doesn't give a shit
What you think about
The internet
And everybody goes
You know what
I can kind of respect that
I think if Frost came on here
And said listen
Fuck you guys
I'm gonna go have fun
I can get a job here
You know
Your criticism
Washes off my back
She could repair her
I think
Addressing it head on
Cause remember
We were arguing with Adam
Yeah
Cause I was
It was like
We were like
How come Frosk
Doesn't do any interviews
And he said
Cause well there's
Nothing to gain
I think there is
Something to gain
I think when people
Can actually hear you speak
Yes
And be like honest
And a real human being
Cause a lot of the times on the internet,
we treat people like a totem.
Like you look at frosk and you're mad at her,
but you're not really mad at her.
You don't really know her.
You're just mad at this one video she made.
Yeah.
I'm pretty mad at that.
Yeah.
You're mad,
but that's the thing is you're mad at like one,
one hundredth of the person.
Gotta go on with my life.
Like,
if she came on and she was like fun and funny and she went,
yeah, you know what? Maybe I got too up my own ass about it.
Well, yeah, that could be the problem. If she is actually a bitch,
then she's fucked. But I think a guy like Adam showed, look, I'm not a complete bitch like you characterized me at. Obviously, I couldn't say certain things because I was on a network,
but now I'm not on the network. Fuck you guys. You're all a bunch of losers.
That was amazing
That was an amazing
That's how we get
Those revelations
And Lofty doesn't
Well also
We're good at the
You gotta be like Stern
People don't give Stern
Enough credit for
You gotta get people comfortable
That's the other thing
Everyone goes
Why don't you meet her on Adam
I'm like
Because if I treat him
Like a piece of shit
He's just gonna leave
You know
You don't have the guts
To come on
You want to be comfortable.
And then they start telling you stuff that they probably wouldn't have wanted to talk about otherwise.
You're practically Howard Stern.
I have learned a lot from...
Look, I'm not going to say I'm Howard Stern, but I have learned a lot from Howard Stern.
Okay, that's my problem.
What's your problem?
We don't get enough credit.
Well, that's a great problem, I'm going to say.
Thank you.
We'll see if the audience agrees.
My problem, Dick, is the the maybe this sounds trite maybe this is a redone problem but it's something
that's happened to me or recently okay his thoughts and prayers now i know what you guys
are thinking you're thinking about yeah yeah we know but it really yeah it's always like the gun
thing like a bunch of people get shot and it's lots of prayers. But it's not just that. It's the people just in general who think that you're going to gain something from them saying,
oh, I'm praying for you.
I'm keeping you in my thoughts.
And it's the most useless, stupid thing ever.
It does nothing for me.
So I recently, one of my cats ran away.
I'm not happy about it.
Don't make any fucking Q-tip jokes.
All right?
Because I'm already suicidal. No, I'll be fine. I'm not happy about it. Just don't make any fucking Q-tip jokes. Alright, because I'm already suicidal.
No, I'll be fine. I'm not
happy. Hopefully, Fudge is going home. Do you throw out all the Q-tips
so the cat sees at least? Yeah, I'll leave
a trail of Q-tips.
Oh, throw them away. Throw them away.
So the cat sees them in the dumpsters. I go, okay.
I'll come back now. I'm hoping my cat
comes back. Regardless, I signed up
for a variety of these
pet finding lost pet websites. I didn't know this was what this problem was going to be. comes back. Regardless, I signed up for a variety of these pet
finding lost pet websites.
I didn't know this was what the problem was going to be.
Well, it's where it's going is I sign up
for them and they go, okay, we're going to blast
all these Facebook pages.
We're going to blast
on Instagram. We're going to post pictures
of your pet on all these tech things so everybody
in your neighborhood knows your pet is missing.
I go, oh, this is great because then if someone sees my
cat, they can leave a message and say
I saw him on the corner of 5th and
Smith. Get the word out.
Yeah, get the word out. We got shooters on
every corner in the town who are peeping for
cats and they see this cat, they're going to go
because every cat looks exactly the
fucking same. No, they don't.
How many types of cat is there? I was very
hopeful signing up for this thing.
And I'm like, this is great because people are going to comment and tell me if they see my cat.
And I get a notification that goes, someone has a message about your cat.
I go, oh, thank God.
It must be someone with valid information.
I check and it's some lady named Cindy going, oh, what a beautiful cat.
I'll keep him in my prayers.
And I go, okay, well, that's not
too helpful. And then a couple minutes
go by and I get another notification. I go, surely
this person will go and they go, I'm praying
for that cat right now. And I'm like, did I
just pay $100 for this service
to get a bunch of white women
telling me they're praying for me?
I paid money for this?
Yes!
People are stealing money from people who are desperate
about their fucking cats being loved?
A nomadic pet?
They took my money
specifically to set me up.
People say this is a good service.
They're like,
oh, you just gotta use this.
You could just go to a strip club, Vito,
for a hundred bucks.
Yeah, I could've had a lot more fun
than constantly getting notifications on my phone
and being like, surely this person will know I'm keeping that cat in my thoughts and my prayers.
We're praying for you over here.
I'm like, this is not helpful.
Why are they there?
They're not getting paid to do that.
No, they're all just part of a weird we love pets like circle jerk.
Are they real?
That's a great question
Is that the service you pay for?
Just a bunch of fake people saying
That occasionally show up and they have the emoji
Of the two hands clasped together
And they put it 12 times
Just to really emphasize
So yeah
Guys look I'm missing my animal
The only notifications I want are either
A. I saw him or B. Here are some tips or some shelters you could call,
which I get some of those messages, but the majority of it has been white women going,
God, that's a beautiful cat.
I hope God takes care of him and brings him home.
You're clogging up the messaging system, you stupid bitch.
Shut the fuck up.
It's not helpful.
Shut up.
It doesn't make me feel any better.
And that's the real thing is that it makes me feel worse knowing that a bunch of people are out there who can't help me.
Like knowing that it's like it would be better to not hear from them at all.
Why would they be subscribing to this service of missing pets?
I don't know.
That's the worst part of Nextdoor.
Like I had to get rid of Nextdoor because I just can't read about somebody who lost their fucking dog.
Because I know all these goddamn Mexicans down the hill just let their dogs run wild.
It's like, oh, yeah, see, he just goes right over here.
Like, what?
Put him in the fucking fence, dude.
Cha-cha.
I did a little bit of research.
And now some people will say that prayers can, you know, have healing properties or whatever.
Retarding people.
Yes, obviously.
But there are actually studies that show that the whole concept of thoughts significantly more post-surgical complications if the people knew they were being prayed for.
A what?
So, you know of the placebo effect, obviously, where you get a fake cure, but you have the whole power of whatever.
Well, prayers.
Acupuncture.
Yeah, sure.
Prayers can actually help with the nocebo effect, which is instilling in you the idea that things...
So your recovery is worse if you know people are praying for you?
Your recovery is made worse because some of these patients who were aware people were praying for them
thought that their lack of improvement was going to depress these people who were hoping for them.
And that just made them more depressed and made them worse and brought about more complications.
Is that because they were fatter?
Because it's like religious areas in the Midwest are fatter.
And they think, well, as long as everyone's praying for me, I'm going to be fine.
No, no, no.
Because they checked people from the same area.
Some patients may have felt that prayer didn't make them better because God, for some reason,
found them unworthy.
So that's the other thing.
He did.
If your cat doesn't come back, does that mean God hates you?
If you aren't recovering fast enough from your surgery, it must be because God is punishing you,
and that actually results in more negative health outcomes,
because now you think God is rooting against you.
Well, that's what happens to AA.
So AA, let me take this to something I understand.
Something you would more identify with.
In AA, it has the same recovery rate as not being in a program.
Yeah.
Like the amount of relapses to I'm not doing alcohol anymore is the same.
But the amount of suicides.
Goes up.
Goes up in AA because of the guilt.
Because if you fail, you failed the program.
Yeah, you failed.
It's like another failure.
You failed the higher power.
Me, I'm just like, well, I had a little relapse.
No big deal.
I don't have to report to a sponsor or anything.
I don't have some relationship that's dependent on my failure.
That's a good point.
Yeah, having a program.
I mean, you know.
You're higher power.
One that I care about.
That's interesting, and it does make sense.
You had the first failure, which was becoming an alcoholic to begin with.
And then you got on a program.
That's my parents' fault, mostly.
Yeah, so might as well just accept it rather than signing up for another thing.
That's what AA is like.
It's all on you.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No, it's on my parents.
It's on a lot of people, not me.
It's on the alcohol companies for making alcohol so tasty.
Point is, Dick.
Thoughts and prayers.
Thoughts and prayers.
They're useless.
They do nothing for me.
Don't tell me you're praying for me.
Or my cat.
Or my cat.
You get off your ass and you find that fucking cat.
I've been trying.
I've been walking around.
No, not you.
Them.
Well, that's the other thing. I would much rather you say...
Just reply to all of them. Why don't you get up?
Why don't you help me with a couple labs?
Everybody come over to my house. Take your tops off.
Why don't you send me ten bucks so I can print more posters?
I think any sympathy
should require
to come with money.
Anytime somebody posts, I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
You should have to send $5
to them on Venmo. Because otherwise, you don't
actually care. It's also like when someone posts
about their mom
died or something on Twitter.
And I'm like, well,
should I hit the
like button? And then I'm like,
oh, you know, like 100 people liked it.
Okay, like.
I don't know what to do with sympathy.
I never know.
Cause I always hate sympathy.
I hate posting when something bad happens to me.
Cause I know all I'm going to get is, well, you know, I hope it works out for you.
And I'm like, can't you guys like do something?
Okay.
Send me a cake.
Send me something.
I want a tangible.
All right.
Well, not a cake.
It's not good for you.
Send me some money.
Yeah.
You're just going to spend it on cake.
I don't know.
It's just, I, cause it doesn't do anything. It's like, all right, I guess I like that you feel sympathy for me. It's for good for you. Send me some money. You're just going to spend it on cake. I don't know. Because it doesn't do anything.
It's like, all right, I guess I like that you feel sympathy for me.
It's for the person, though.
Like, sympathy, gratitude, it's all for the person who's experiencing the powerlessness
of not even having had the loss that you do.
Like, your cat's lost.
I'm like, oh, God, I'm having this moment of being sad for sad for them And like glad that I'm not them
And I feel guilty about the gladness
I have to get rid of this guilt
It's the guilt that you feel
From not being glad that I'm not you
I was like I don't know what to do with this guilt
I hope it works out for you
Honestly the only thing that makes me feel better
Is being on these lost pet groups and seeing everybody else
Losing their pet and then I go
At least other people are miserable
That's like way better than sympathy You gotta stop doing what you're doing is being on these lost pet groups and seeing everybody else losing their pet. And then I go, at least other people are miserable.
No, this is sick. That's like way better than sympathy.
You got to stop doing what you're doing.
I want to go steal people's pets
so they can experience what I'm just doing.
I knew a girl who did that.
Who stole pets?
Stole someone's pet.
She thought that they weren't taking good care of it.
That's so fucked up.
Actually, I'm worried somebody just took my cat
and was like, oh, I'll give it a better home or something
because nobody's seen it.
And he had a collar with his phone number on it.
So I don't know.
You're in a Chinese neighborhood, though, aren't you?
That's the other thing I was going to say.
Living in a Chinese neighborhood.
Sting dang chicken winner winner.
Some kind of dinner.
I'm worried that old Mrs. Yee is going, listen, about 40 years ago in Jiangzhou province,
I had the best fried cat of my life.
And every day I've thought about it and I've managed
to stave it off until this beautiful cat
comes walking into my yard and
just couldn't resist anymore.
Yeah, well, that's what you get living in an Asian
neighborhood. Anytime
your pet goes missing, you go, ah, fuck.
Q-Tip should really
sponsor like a get out and look for
the cat. I think Q-Tip should sponsor the hunt
for Buscemi.
It was a great cat.
If he doesn't come back,
we get some great memories.
My girlfriend walked around your neighborhood with our dog.
Yeah.
Cause the dog hates cats.
That was nice of her.
I appreciate that.
I'm hoping he might find his way home.
Um,
yeah.
Well,
you know,
thoughts and prayers.
Yeah.
Thanks.
Thanks. Thanks.
Okay, here's my problem.
Are you done with your...
I'm done.
With your...
Done with a lot of things.
Manipulative.
It's not manipulative.
You don't have to vote for me.
Out of sympathy.
I don't care.
Of course you would say that.
It would probably make me more mad if the problem wins.
My problem is called fear of negotiating.
Oh, yeah.
Did you see
Steven Crowder
threw a little hissy fit?
It's being a bitch.
Over getting offered
a bunch of money.
But is he being a bitch?
Do you think he's
being disingenuous?
Is he really this stupid
to think that he got
like such a raw deal
from these guys?
All of these
I think he is that stupid.
All of these people are idiots. that stupid. All of these people are so stupid.
All of their fans are so stupid that it would be difficult to imagine a thought leader in their arena.
Yeah.
That is not marginally,
uh,
slightly less stupid than they are.
Like,
I don't, you can. Like, I don't...
You can't be...
You can't...
I don't think you can, like,
be extremely intelligent
and, like, dumb it that far down.
Like, you're just...
You kill yourself out of shame and guilt.
Yeah, the velocity...
You have to be stupid enough to maintain...
You can't do it on an illusion.
You can't live that character
all the fucking time.
I've thought about trying to live that character.
You can't.
I've always been like,
you know, I could do what they do.
No, you can't.
I just got to really hate myself and my audience.
I don't think you can.
Tim Crowder was offered $50 million.
$50 million out of nowhere by some other scam company.
Yes.
Conservatives, you know.
There's nothing there anymore.
They're all just looting the treasury now that Trump is dead.
There's nothing there anymore.
They're all just looting the treasury now that Trump is dead.
They're just like, well, come over to my shop in the bazaar.
I sell you good conservative values.
Then you're going to go, no, no, no, no.
Come over here, Effendi.
I got a great conservative of a trad wife.
And then somebody's like, no, no, no.
I got the Bugattis over here.
You are like a young man. You need a fucking strong chutzpah you need a balls of vandy come over here this is the only place
where i feel sympathy for conservatives is watching everyone try to rip you guys off
oh yeah it's so bad like constantly the uh the texts that the Trump campaign sends out, I think, should be criminally
prosecuted as elder abuse.
Like, they send them not...
I sign up for fun, like, for both sides.
Oh, yeah, I love seeing what Trump's offering every day.
It's so much worse.
It's like, Margaret, today I picked you to be my special
10,000 donor, and you're gonna get
a Trump Rubik's Cube for $5,000
or whatever. He's always
selling tchotchkes and shit.
And I'm like, garbage.
Man, what the?
Who's buying this shit?
It's the stuff you'd warn your grandparents or parents not to buy at this point.
So Stephen Crowder, moron, cross-dresser, not funny.
Closeted homosexual.
Closeted homosexual.
Yes.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Well, the closeted part.
You got to come out at some point.
No, come on. You say come out at some point No Come on
You say closeted
Alright
Come on Vito
Don't be a
It's a fun little game
Don't be a kick shamer
It gets offered
50 million bucks
And
A bunch of reasonable terms
For a first offer
I've been in a lot of
Contract negotiations
I've been in
Contract negotiations
With entertainment companies
And
The things that you start at Are nowhere near Where you end up You know negotiations. I've been in contract negotiations with entertainment companies and the things
that you start at are nowhere near what you
end up. The things they offer you
are laughable at
first blush. Well, what's interesting about it is that
it was somebody you knew came to him
and said, hey, I heard you're a free agent. Do you want to come work for
us? It's an offer.
Well, no, no, no. Not even that.
Instead of Steven Crowder going to the guy and going,
yeah, let's talk about it.
His agent came back at him and said, oh, we have to handle this like a business deal.
Send us, uh, you know, your, your terms or whatever.
And it's like, okay, if you want a cold, unfeeling contract, we'll send it over and then we can
talk about it that way.
Yeah.
Like he asked for them to send him cold, impersonal terms.
So then he, uh, he says he He says He got the terms
And the money
And he said
Do it again
But make it
Instead of 50 million
Make it
120 million
And they said
It's a big jump
That's a big jump
And then
Was that really what he asked for?
That's what happened
He said I want 30 a year
And then when that didn't happen
He goes online
And starts crying about it
Right
He says I'm actually the free speech leader in the world and this this and this and this and
these they want me to not get kicked off youtube and everybody here's where the problem comes in
because everybody too many people too many people go he's totally right they totally they burned him
they would offer him an insulting offer and i'm sitting there going, well, yeah, you have to go.
Well, I disagree.
I think I should be paid this much.
Right.
That's what you do.
Or this clause here, because specifically the thing he's upset at is there's a clause in the contract that says,
if sponsors start pulling out of the show, there we pay you less. There was a mass boycott or something at your show.
You would make less.
And we would try to get the money back,
but if we couldn't get it back,
we couldn't replace the sponsors.
We're not just going to throw money at you for free.
It's like, hey, it sucks, but it's on you.
You got to get the sponsors back.
Yeah, this isn't Andrew Yang's campaign.
No, that's the weird thing.
But my problem is,
is that I think the reason
People are supporting
Steven Crowder
Which is
Unconscionable
And impossible
And I don't care
How many people
Explain it to me
In different ways
It's totally preposterous
Well they're not
Supporting free speech
It's because
You don't
You're afraid
To negotiate
For what you're worth
Everybody is
Everybody is Yeah Everybody is.
It's like everybody's biggest, deepest, darkest fear.
It shouldn't be.
It shouldn't be.
And I think that's why so many people hate Jews.
Because Jews are fine.
Jews will negotiate you.
All day.
Yeah, like, oh, what are you?
I mean, they make fun of themselves, but they're fine with it.
Yeah.
Because they're like, well, you know, that's my fucking time.
What do you mean?
Well, how much is it worth?
How much am I making out of this?
How much are you making out of this?
Like, white people are, they won't even tell you what they make and their salary.
Like, ooh, no, ooh, that's, you know, come on.
Might as well be asking me about how my dick size is.
Like, what do you want to fuck my, I'd rather you fuck my wife than tell you.
Because they have this weird phobia and etiquette around negotiating for what their value is as a person.
Yeah.
And it causes them so many problems.
All of them are more poor as a result of it.
Their phobia of negotiating makes them poor.
It never makes them richer.
You know, that's a big contributor to the glass ceiling.
Women refuse to negotiate.
All women get paid too much.
More than they're worth.
But if they negotiated, they could get more.
58% of millennials aren't negotiating their salary.
More than half just don't.
Oh, yeah, okay.
Yeah, I'll take it.
Not even one more dollar.
Yeah.
I mean, I got to admit, I'm guilty of this as well,
but my thing is that I'm such a lazy piece of shit
that I'm always like, oh, God, I just don't want to get fired.
Why rock the boat?
I always feel like they got to replace you.
I feel like any time.
Well, yeah.
It costs money.
Any time you ask for more money, I feel like somebody's going to go,
okay, well, how much?
What are you really doing?
It's like, I don't want you digging into that.
That is the fear.
That's the fear.
Yeah, they're going to be on your ass.
One in four have not negotiated their salary because they didn't know how.
Because they didn't know how.
They don't even know how, I guess.
Yeah.
That's the stats that I printed out.
I was a.
What do you mean you don't know how?
Yeah.
Hey, you!
You got any money in there?
I had some contract negotiations
for Uncomfortable or whatever.
Yeah.
It was a company,
and this guy was basically like,
all right, yeah,
so we're all going to give up
shares of the company to my wife.
And I went, that's cool.
You guys can do that.
I'm not doing that.
He's like, well, we're all doing it.
I'm like, yeah, I don't want to reduce my stake
to give your wife more of my percentage.
I like your wife.
She's a nice lady.
But so yeah.
I mean, fuck her right here in front of everybody.
You know, we had a long discussion
about how to figure it out.
Maddox and I, we sold the,
we sold a man show too, to spike and the first offer was five
thousand an episode and they owned everything to us five thousand dollars no but for each of us
per episode you got five thousand dollars an episode and by the time it was done it was 25,000
an episode and we owned it was a limited license for everything we created during the run
of the show that they owned and then it reverted to us it was like a joint reversion afterwards
yeah but it took work i'm surprised i'm surprised that didn't go through i don't know why they
pulled out of that ah it's complicated it would have been horrible maddox he was already fucking
it up yeah before it even got to pilot
It was like
Alright
This is
A fucking disaster
He wasn't
The man
He's like
We could really do
We could really make some real changes
With this
Man it's fucking like tits
Yeah no
Tramplings
Tramplings
And the man show boy
Autistic shit head
Um
One in four
One in ten
Have not negotiated
Because they're scared
Of consequences That's a lie It's way higher than that The majority For one in ten have not negotiated because they're scared of consequences.
That's a lie.
It's way higher than that.
The majority of salary negotiations, the majority proved successful.
So the funny thing is there's always more money.
It was funny.
My sister, I almost got her a job at this thing, and they're going to pay her a ton.
And then her job was like, wait, where are you going?
Oh, fuck.
We need you. a job at this thing and they're going to pay her a ton. And then her job was like, wait, where are you going? Oh, fuck.
We need you.
People don't realize how like essential they often are to an organization.
So when they found out my sister wanted to leave, they just, you know, bumped up her salary, like $10,000.
She's like, oh shit, I should have asked for this before.
One fifth of people have never negotiated their salaries ever.
Goddamn.
And studies show that an individual who fails to negotiate a first salary
will miss out on a half a million dollars by age 60.
So there you go.
I don't know what people are on.
I want to have the trademark, Dick.
Give it to me or I quit.
You got it.
Nice.
That's a negotiation done right.
I don't know.
I don't.
You can't do this show without me.
I can't.
I don't want the trademark.
Honestly, I don't want the trademark.
That's your cross to bear.
I want nothing to do with it.
I don't like this idea that people are just, that people worshiping this this performative histrionics this like yeah
a crying meltdown of
Oh, they should have they should have given me something better like this this sort of like basically if your show was making no money
We should pay you the same exact amount as we were paying you. You didn't even counter
You didn't even try to say like. You countered with
120 million instead of 50. Yeah.
No. And they said no.
And then you were a little bitch about it. That's
the weird thing. It's like, don't be a little bitch. Just
be like, okay, well, I guess it just didn't work
out and it doesn't fit what they're trying to do. But instead
he registered a website, the big
con or whatever. And he says
conservative media doesn't really care about.
Yeah. It's like all you guys need YouTube
All of you even the rumble guys
The rumble guys only have money because they
Got a gigantic hundred million dollar
Funding round which is gonna run out
Yeah there's no ad
Revenue I mean Doug
Tenapple's been talking about that where he goes hey free speech
Is great but like I can scream on rumble to
Five people or I can stream on YouTube to several
Hundreds so you know It's just so hard being so much smarter Free speech is great, but I can scream on Rumble to five people or I can scream on YouTube to several hundred.
It's just so hard being so much smarter than everyone.
I guess that's what my point is with this problem. Well, a lot of these guys have been told that the only problem is free speech.
Well, why don't you guys all go to BitChute?
Why don't you all go to Rumble?
Because most people are not – people get comfortable.
Yeah.
Your average person has never heard of Rumble at this point.
They're not going to like, if you stop posting to YouTube, they'll just be like, I don't
know what happened to that show.
I'll just watch a different show.
Yeah.
And this belief that.
They don't care.
They don't care.
No.
They don't care.
But you need to make people think they care.
It's just stuff on in the background.
It's complicated.
Well, Dick, this plays a bit into my problem, which
I am calling the myth of a conservative creative
renaissance. This is the
belief that conservatives
are the true bearers of
entertainment and art in the world. We are.
And that all that is holding you back is
those dirty, horrible liberals
from preventing you. Pedophiles.
Pedophiles like all of
Epstein's army What are you gonna make
Another fucking Velma show
You're so fucking creative
Oh look at me
Velma and I'm black
Scooby's a lesbian
I'm not saying
Oh god
Daphne's a lesbian too
Not everything
Fred is a small dick
Oh wow
So creative
You can't use Velma
As the example
Of what the left puts out
Wagner
How about that
St. Peter's Basilica?
You ever heard of any of these fucking conservative arts, you motherfucker?
All right.
Well, Dick, I think a great place to look at what the conservatives consider the future
of the creative arts is a certain channel called Daily Wire Plus as run by Ben Shapiro.
Ben Shapiro has told us the real problem is that conservatives aren't funding their own
creative economy.
We are just as creative and talented as those God-hating liberals.
And we're going to prove it with the following programming.
Terror on the Prairie, a cowboy movie starring Gina Carano.
Great.
A podcast series from Jordan Peterson.
VeggieTales.
VeggieTales.
Candace Owens documentary about how George Floyd died from fentanyl.
Who doesn't want to watch that fucking shit?
Wait, what is it?
What is it?
She has a whole documentary about the rise of BLM and George Floyd.
I want like a Lifetime movie of George Floyd.
Dying of fentanyl.
Well, that's what you're honestly going to get on Daily Wire.
At some point, you're going to get the true life of George Floyd,
and it's going to be him as a crack addict.
I want like 24.
You know what I mean?
Boop, boop, boop, boop.
You know, the countdown is like 24 hours until George's last day in the life.
That is what they want to make. Boop, boop. That's what they countdown is like 24 hours till George's last day in the life. That is what they want to make.
Boop, boop.
That's what they will make.
That's all they care about.
Doing a bunch of blow.
And you're like, ooh, was that the fentanyl that's going to kill him?
Ooh.
Dick, the more I went through.
And he's like, he's getting ready to do the fentanyl.
He's like, his cell phone goes off.
And he's like, oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
I got to get all these.
I got to go put a gun to a pregnant lady's belly and snort some fentanyl.
I thought that would be the fentanyl. I thought that would be the better.
And then he would be punching all the cops on the way out.
And they're like, we can't possibly hold him down.
If only one of us could get our knee on his neck.
Dick, the more I dug through what the Daily Wire Plus is offering, the more I was convinced
that conservatives should not be allowed to make any form of movie or television because
it was frankly abysmal.
Now, obviously...
What do you mean?
The 700 Club was great.
Yeah.
Remember that when we were kids?
The moral...
What was it?
Greatest story ever told?
Davy and Goliath?
Greatest story ever told, Vito.
The tomb was empty.
The tomb was empty.
The tomb was empty.
You couldn't have any liberal movie
without the story of Jesus Christ.
How about that?
Or fucking Faust. Every single
story is either Jesus
or fucking Faust
created by the two
most conservative
authors and creators
in the history of fucking time.
Nobody ever quotes Gilgamesh.
Well, Dick, I was especially
excited about the
daily...
You like goth girls?
They're not conservative.
Oh, goth girls?
Yes, he was very conservative.
I think it's a little different.
He wanted a wall?
All right, all right, all right.
Well, I was excited to see Daily Wire is gearing up for children's programming, Dick.
They want your kids to have access to so-called non-woke entertainment.
Now, Daily Wire's new animated show, Chipchilla, about an animated chimp-shiller, aims to rival
woke cartoons.
In March, the company announced it would invest $100 million in kids' content for the Daily
Wire Plus streaming platform to rival the output of woke media
companies who, according to company co-CEO Jeremy Boring, hate their audiences.
They hate the audience.
They hate the kids.
When you turn on DuckTales, that DuckTales hates your fucking kids.
No, I agree with that.
Yeah?
Yeah, yeah.
Kids know, too.
Kids know.
I gotta fuck this.
No, I put on some, I was watching some show with my nephews, and the show we were watching,
which was good, was on, and then it ended, and some, like, princess shit, adventure shit
came on.
I'm like, oh, what's this?
And he goes, it's a girl's show.
Girl show.
Well, they know.
Well, maybe the girls like it.
Uncle.
Boring says, we have to challenge the left every single place that it lives.
Isn't that exciting? You're making an animated show about a chinchilla, and it's all about, we have to challenge the left every single place that it lives. Isn't that exciting?
You're making an animated show about a chinchilla, and it's all about, we have to stop the left.
And the only way to do that is describe when the content is there.
I would ask you to subscribe today at Daily Wire Plus for Chip Chilla starring Rob Snyder
as the-
Yeah, he's funny.
Deuce Bigelow.
Come on.
Facts man.
We got Rob Snyder now
Why are all the conservative actors just terrible?
It's like Dean Cain
Kevin Sorbo is terrible?
Kevin Sorbo is terrible
Dean Cain is terrible
The greatest Superman that there ever was
Better than Christopher Reeves
You got Kid Rock singing his little songs
About snowflakes
It's all garbage
Dick, I did want to bring up one of the.
You're saying Adam Carolla is not funny?
Is that what you're saying?
He's all right.
He's kind of fallen off the wagon as of late.
Because of COVID stuff?
Yeah.
You don't like him?
Him and Jim Brewer and whatever else.
They're all fucking nuts.
Do not put Adam Carolla in the same universe as Jim Brewer.
At this point, I can barely take them, tell them apart.
Dick, can you go to YouTube real quick?
I want to show you some of the Daily Wire's kids content.
Okay.
Type in guess or mess.
Anne Rand.
Let's go to the Anne Rand episode.
Okay.
Now, this is what they think your children
Are interested in watching
It is a competitive game show
Where kids have to answer
Trivia questions about
People from history like
JP Morgan, Charles Swab
Margaret Thatcher
And Anne Rand
What kid doesn't want to learn about
Anne Rand
click on the Anne Rand episode there at the top
wow
I'm so excited
this is PragerU though
they're part of Daily Wire now
this is PragerU
they're building all the kids stuff
this is what kids want
dude
I would rather kids have Mickey Mouse smoking cigarettes and beating Minnie Mouse
than let PragerU have even 10 seconds with a kid.
PragerU made an infomercial about how giving Israel money is just basically giving the
U.S. money because they use it to buy missiles.
I'm like, that's not...
I'm chock full of missiles, pal.
I'm not selling any missiles,
so I'm good with that.
Well, this is PragerU,
and they're going to teach your kids
about all their favorite characters,
like Ayn Rand.
Yeah, but remember, like, Historia?
You remember that show?
I was thinking, like, Legends of the Hidden Temple,
where you learn about, like,
actual interesting historical figures. Remember that? There was no history in Legends of the Hidden Temple Where you learn about like Actual interesting
Historical figures
Remember that?
There was no
There was no history
In Legends of the Hidden Temple
No there wasn't
Shut up
The second round
They were all standing
On the steps remember
And they would read you
A story about like
Marco Polo
Went to the whatever
And you had to memorize
Little things from the story
And be like
What were the names
What was the name
Of Marco Polo's boat
Nah that was just memorizing, though.
His story was like, tell your story about it.
And a little educational component.
And that guy in the diaper.
Okay, I'll play it.
Welcome to the game show by Prigger U Kids.
I'm Noah.
Come on.
This is the future of conservative entertainment, Dick.
Bro, come on, man.
Kids aren't going to fucking want to see this. No, they're, man. Kids aren't going to fucking want to see
this. No, they're not.
Dads aren't going to want to see this. What the
fuck? Ben Shapiro
with your dry-ass pussy
wife motherfucker? Put your sister
on TV. That's what kids want to see.
People are trying to tell me
this isn't the Daily Wire. I swear to
God, they're advertising this on the Daily Wire site.
It is part of Daily Wire Plus.
They're all in cahoots.
And in this show, if you... Chad replies
disabled. Yeah, well...
You answer the question fast and correctly,
you avoid getting totally gross and
messy. Joining us today,
we've got Samantha.
Hi, and we've got... First of all,
this is pedophilic, covering kids in slime.
I'll never approve of it.
What do you mean?
What about you don't know shit on television?
You can't do shit on television.
You can't do that.
No, that was a great show.
All right.
Gotta get rid of the slime.
Before coming here, each of you read our PragerU Kids digital magazine about Ayn Rand from our website.
Now we're going to see how much of it you guys remember.
Why did they...
Why could...
Have they never seen a television show before?
They're going to hire us.
Just come in here.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Don't say that shit.
Just do it like a normal TV show.
You just open your eyes.
That's my argument is like, look, if you want to control entertainment, just prove you can
make regular entertainment for kids.
Why does it have to be?
Again, they're just going to get into communism and what I get into it. This is crazy. Here are your methods for kids. Why does it have to be, again, like they're just going to get into communism and what I could get into it.
This is crazy.
Here are your methods for today.
Blue goo,
nacho cheese spray.
Oh my God.
Chowder,
spam,
baby food,
water beads,
cottage cheese,
ketchup and mustard,
mud,
and a pie in the face.
Oh my God. Ayn Rand was born in the face. Oh my god.
What the fuck?
Ayn Rand was born in 1905
in St. Petersburg, Russia.
She was a philosopher and bestseller.
Isn't this ridiculous? I could not believe this was real.
Come on, man.
You gotta make this shit fun.
You can't just put a bunch of goo.
Ayn lived through the 1917
Bolshevik Revolution that brought communism to Russia. Give us another minute. She and her family fled communist Russia You can't just put a bunch of goo. I could not believe this was real.
Give us like another minute.
Fucking commies.
Yeah, that's what kids are interested in.
She watched movies in the 1919s?
What kid wants to learn about objectivism?
People have the right to pursue values that bring them happiness.
Are you ready to play the game?
What?
What game was that?
The youngest player goes first.
Now, everybody get your hands into the bowl.
Oh, I'm pissed off already at that rule.
You're not allowed to take them out for the entire game.
If you do, you lose a point.
Don't take your hands out of the bowl, kids.
Let's go.
Here's your first question, Samantha.
Before getting to the United States when she was 21, what country did Ayn Rand escape from?
Russia.
That is correct.
She did escape from Russia.
Oh, thank God.
So that means Leah gets the best.
No.
Oh, my God. So they spooned the goo on the best. No. Oh, my God.
So they spooned the goo on the kids.
And then we're going to get a little lecture about Russian communism.
Which is...
I can't believe this.
A pedophile came up with this game.
I think so.
This is like the tickle documentary.
Question and mess number two goes to Leah.
What happened in her homeland
that made Ayn Rand need to escape
and move to the USA?
The rise of communism.
Takeover or the communist revolution?
During the Bolshevik revolution,
Ayn's family suffered years
of poverty.
This is enough.
We're lecturing kids about why the communists are evil
And they're learning
You know about the glory of capitalism
While we spread slime and mud on them
And this is what conservatives
Are convinced is the future
Of entertainment
You remember Barf?
Yeah Barf
You can't do that on television
And he would come out
Oh what are you guys eating over here?
A bunch of shit.
Get out of here.
Fuck off.
Wait, was that you can't do that on television?
He was the slime.
Was he the cook?
Yeah.
I remember that guy.
That's a show.
Okay.
Yeah.
The slime is funny.
The heavy handed political education.
Like if the left was doing this And was like Hey it's a show
You're gonna learn the history
Of like
I don't know
Hillary Clinton
Or whatever else
No the left is doing this
With like trans stuff
They are
They have
They have cringe stuff too
Don't act like
I agree that they
There is some of that
But not like
It's not like the focus
When you watch Nickelodeon
It's like Spongebob
It's like stupid kids shows
Nah what about when
Gonzo was trans?
When Gonzo was like, oh, I'm going to cut my nose off.
I feel like I should have a hatchet wound in my face.
I just think, why don't conservatives just prove they can make content without any political slant?
Why?
Because now I'm worried about Rob Schneider's Chinchilla show.
Is every episode
going to end with
oh thank God
that my son
Tommy Chilla
escaped from communism
and he told all those
commies at school
to go kill themselves.
Yeah but Earthworm Jim
is
Earthworm Jim is great.
Probably one of the best
entertainment
and one of the best
IPs ever made.
But they're not funding that
because Earthworm Jim
doesn't come out and say capitalism is the greatest whatever on Earth.
Anything you make starting from politics is going to look like shit.
Yes.
And that's what Daily Wire is funding.
Rather than what they should be doing, as I said, why not go to a guy like Sam Hyde who was making comedy that wasn't like political.
It was just really funny comedy.
Give him $50 million.
He legitimately got canceled for having the wrong politics and just say, we. It was just really funny comedy. Give him 50 million dollars. He legitimately got cancelled
for having the wrong politics and just say
we want you to make a funny show. Don't
make it about Trump. Don't make it about
communists. Don't give him any tips.
Here's 10 million bucks.
We want you to be one of the stars of our network.
Just make a funny sketch show like you had.
Just say thank you Daily Wire at the end. Look in the camera and say
thank you Daily Wire and don't be sarcastic.
But instead they only want to fund people making this ridiculous,
obviously politically slanted content, and I don't think there's an audience.
Even on the left, I don't seek out some channel that I'm like,
oh, thank God, it's another thing about making sure black people can vote
or whatever else.
I'm not watching that TV show either.
It's like Hillary Clinton's book.
Her book sold, what, 5,000 copies?
Yeah, nobody wants that. Nobody cares.
Nobody wants it on either side. The left is watching
zombie shows and we're watching
Game of Thrones and we're not
watching this constant jerk-off
like, ooh, we have the right politics.
I don't know why the right can't just
do that, but they're so hyper-focused.
I mean, that's not the right. That's just like shitheads. I don't know why the right can't just do that But they're so hyper focused I mean that's not the right that's just like
Shitheads
I don't know what it is
I think Stephen Crowder you were saying
Is going to start his own network like obviously
Tim Pool has his own little podcast
Thing he's starting up
And again it's all politically charged
Just like make content
And stop you guys are the ones who say
I don't understand why media today is so political.
And then you go and get a Daily Wire Plus subscription.
Like you literally are a parody of yourself at that point.
What is wrong with you?
Yeah, I agree with you.
This is all ridiculous.
And I have no problem with Dean Cain.
I have no problem with Kevin Sorbo or Kid Rock.
You better not because they'll fucking roll over you.
Why don't they just make a regular movie?
Why does the movie always have to be about, oh, the
government came to take my guns away?
They can't make shit.
Or songs about, ooh, the liberal snowflakes.
Just make stuff.
Yeah, but you know, all the money
in Hollywood's all backed up
trying to force trans
and black shit through
every which way
Like you know
Some of it
That's been
You know
That they've been
Why did Rick and Morty
Why did the last three seasons
Of Rick and Morty suck
Because of women
Women were crammed through
Women have been crammed through
At every level
And they fucking ruin
Anything good
That comes out of Hollywood
And there could have been
A lot of good stuff
But that's hiring And that's fine if you're saying that they're only hiring you know
liberals and women and blacks and we want to hire conservatives then do that but the problem is
you're hiring conservatives to make conservative content and the content is always compromised as
a result I have no problem with you saying Hollywood refuses to hire us because of our
politics so we're just gonna go make all our cool entertainment over here.
But they don't know how.
But they just make this political shit that is terrible.
Dude, it's because they don't know how.
Like that exists because there wasn't somebody who has like a lifetime of show running going like, oh, no, don't.
No, don't say that.
Like, oh, no, this like dropping the thing.
Like that's not that doesn't work.
That's not a punishment for a kid getting goo on your hand.
I gotta go watch, I'm gonna go read a magazine about Ayn Rand so I can excitedly chime in
on this historical trivia show with Slime.
First of all, you gotta do young boys.
You can't do girls.
No, boys are like, oh fuck!
I don't get this goo on me?
Shit!
I look like an asshole.
I want to PragerU family double dare.
I want them to slide down the tongue.
Double dare, exactly.
Exactly.
Get double dare.
You probably could.
You'll make at least something like it.
And then, like, the bad guy will come out like, oh, man, here comes the left-wing.
Oh, here comes the specter of communism.
Here comes the, oh, it's a drag queen, kids!
Ah!
Kick his ass.
Kick his ass.
Kick his ass. And the drag queen's like, my pronouns drag queen, kids. Yeah. Kick his ass. Kick his ass. Kick his ass.
And the drag queen's like, my pronouns are they, them.
Like, beat him.
Beat him with sticks.
Beat him.
That's pretty good.
That's a good show.
That's a good show.
I mean, I think that's the path we're headed down.
Anyway, the myth of the conservative creative renaissance.
I think you guys, listen, I think there are conservative creators out there with great
ideas, but they're not the ones being given money the only people being given money by the
conservatives are those who make loud obnoxious political content that plays into this i don't
know if they cared about if they cared about this they'd give sam hyde 10 million dollars yes like
without even asking him uh again earthworm jim why not why don't you not have the Earthworm Jim cartoon, Daily Wire?
Why do you not have... But Doug hates the cartoon, which is asinine.
Well, Doug...
Because the cartoon is fucking great.
I think he doesn't have the rights to the cartoon.
It doesn't matter.
He still doesn't like it, which is...
I mean...
It was pretty good.
It was a great cartoon.
Yeah.
Don't...
Well, hey, man, when you get cut out of a thing, certain negative emotions get attached to it.
Homer was the voice.
Doug TenEpple, come on the show and give me a real back of the book quote for a super killer
that is not Jesus Christ is Lord and King or whatever it was.
That's a good one.
Is super killer going to kill Jesus?
No.
Is that a problem or Mary?
That's an idea.
Maybe.
He might have to kill the Virgin Mary.
Yeah, because if you kill Jesus, that's what God wanted.
That's exactly.
You got to get to him ahead of time.
All right, everybody.
What are our problems?
Vito and Dick get no credit.
Thoughts and prayers.
Fear of negotiating.
The myth of a conservative creative renaissance.
Okay, go to biggestproblem.com.
Dot show.
Vote it up.
Don't forget our biggest problem bonus episode
The biggest problem in 2022 is still live
At patreon.com slash biggest problem
And back.by
Back.by biggest problem
And if you're sad for me losing my cat
Please send me $20 on Venmo
At Vito Giswaldi
No, do it on Patreon
Alright, do it on Patreon, sure
Then it gets a cut
Wow, I'm out of stress work.
Oh.
I love the government, and I love gas stoves.
Wow.
I sound like I gargle rocks.
Fuck you, Vito.
What the fuck?
Adam Sessler called back in.
Okay.
That's terrible.
That's cool.
Also, quit having guests on
The last two ones
You had on
Are just complete junk
They just dulled down the show
It's funnier when
You and Vito argue
Okay well
Sorry that we
We're very picky
About our guests
I promise you
And
We're figuring it out
But we gotta have guests
Now and again
Speaking of which, next week
Again? Who's next week?
I wanna bring Dr. Kevin back on
He's great
The nuclear physicist guy
I like him
I think he was good on his episode
He's a comedian
Okay, here we go
Happy New Year's, boys!
Wait, I remember this voice.
It's me, the nigger!
Oh, no!
It's nice to see you started
off the new year with
a perfectly run show!
Avoid
any problems
whatsoever!
Can you pause this for a second?
My biggest niggle is the niggler leaving a three minute voicemail.
Niggler.
Come on.
Had this bit.
It's good.
Is it free?
Give him another,
give him another 30 seconds. What do you got?
What do you got?
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's trying to claim that he niggled us again.
Yeah. I fucking hate the nigger. And Yeah
I fucking hate the nigger
I hate you nigger
Great job you've done
Keeping a consistent upload schedule
It's pretty consistent
What are you talking about?
You're so thorough
That you posted the last episode three times Alright, alright Cut cut the niggler
Fuck this shit, shut up niggler, look
Yeah, I know
He's figuring it out
Got another minute and a half of this shit
Yeah, why, what's going to happen in 2023?
Oh, okay.
Go, alright.
I'm so done with the niggly. Niggly swear to god if you send another 3 minute voicemail
We're not gonna play it
I'm gonna kill you
Eat man
Yeah he got me
He got me good
He's waiting for it to fill up
I think
Well
Jesus Christ
What's this? Is this it?
What's he doing?
He's just waving
He's just sitting there because he knows it niggles me
Alright
Has he got anything else?
He might have something
He hasn't said anything for 20 seconds.
Yeah, but what do you want to like close it and then what if he said something funny?
You're right.
We might miss the last minute.
See, I knew it.
I knew it.
Schedule my flight for the 420 weekend.
I was to make an appearance at the TDSWACP.
No, don't come to the live show, Niggler.
No.
What?
There's no tickets?
Why not?
No tickets.
You're not coming.
There you go.
If the Niggler tries to make an appearance at the live show, we're going to cut him loose.
Jesus Christ, Vito. Not everybody you're going to cut him. We're going to cut him loose. Jesus Christ. Vito. Vito.
Not everybody you disagree with is a psychopath.
What do you think about that?
This guy's a psychopath.
This guy sounds like a psychopath.
Let's see.
Vito.
Good job.
Hey, Vito.
Great problems the past few weeks.
You're doing a great job, but you're so fucking retarded.
Oh, I'm sure you're still fucking retarded. Get the data.
The data. I'm too fucking sad
to figure out how to read data
or infer information.
Fucking retard. All cause mortality
is up. Britannism is the shit.
Germany, America,
it's insane.
Mortality rates are up.
In the wake of a virus
that is literally ravaging immune systems across the globe?
That could possibly be related.
There have been more athlete deaths in the past two years than there were from like 84 to like 2004.
God, if only there was like some sort of worldwide virus that was causing health outcomes.
Pfizer.
Well, motherfucker, how about instead of sending a voicemail about data,
why don't you send the data?
Why don't you send me a study?
You wouldn't read it. I love studies.
You're not a scientist.
I'm not a scientist guy.
Okay, here's another one for you.
You know, you're the reason why people don't
fucking trust liberals.
If you put it in one side of your mouth, you'll be like,
misinformation's
a really big problem
in, uh,
January 6th.
But,
on the other hand,
when it comes to you
reading superchats
that are critical of you
or critical of anyone else
or might hurt
someone's feelings,
you're like,
well, I'm just gonna,
you know,
maybe twist the truth
just a little bit
because, you know,
we wouldn't want anyone
to see anything that's less than a day just a little bit. Because, you know, we wouldn't want anyone to say anything unpleasant.
That's why.
The super chat misinformation is one of the greatest problems facing America right now.
It's a lack of transparency in super chats.
Fuck you, you dumb piece of shit.
If you write a super chat that all it says is your guest is an F-slurur I'm probably not going to read it to the guest
You can't say F slur on YouTube
Whatever it's going to ruin the show
Because we don't want the guest to come on
And then everyone calls him a piece of shit
Alright we're trying to keep the show going
And then we write them after he left anyway
Do you need me to insult the guest to their face
Yeah that's why they pay two dollars
I read some of the critical super chats
Okay
Yeah but you switched them. You switched
with the meaning that they were saying.
Well, God forbid, on the comedy
show, I do a bit where I fuck with your super chats.
All right? If you don't like it,
you should pay more. If you paid
$50, he would read them. New rule.
If you donate $20
as your super chat, I will not alter
it in any way. Yeah, that's fair.
That's fair. That is fair. That's capitalism, man. Get your thoughts and prayers in the chat, I will not alter it in any way. Yeah, that's fair. That's fair.
That is fair. That's capitalism, man.
Get your thoughts and prayers in the chat, everybody.
We're going to go.
Let's go.
Get the super chats up.
I don't want to be fucking refreshing all day.
All right?
Get them up now.
Get them up now.
Don't hold them.
We're only going to refresh once, so get them in.
Justin Roiland's here for $10.
Oh, Rick.
Oh, Morty. Oh, I just beat my fucking wife. I just beat. Oh, Rick. Oh, Morty.
Oh, I just beat my fucking wife.
Oh, Rick.
Oh, now Morty, I'm wife beating Rick.
Oh, look at my cock.
Justin says, straight early, I got to interview Scar again, by the way.
Her just got patrolled.
He is the guy that got the Lives How tattoo.
Wow.
Live show tattoo, first of all.
Oh, okay. Scar. Got to interview Scar. the lives how tattoo wow live show tattoo first of all oh okay scar uh gotta interview scar well
scar can call in all the all the anytime he knows that scar uh you're gonna interview him justin
roiland for two also says autocorrect voted up i agree because that was terrible brits man for two
how big are your all pps mine is the size of a truck i don't know not enough it's not big enough
not big enough justin roland for two. I did not hit her.
That's bull.
Pale Pen for two.
Dick and Chrissy Mare are friend time for Melanie.
Chrissy Mare and I are friends again now.
We are friends.
We're friends.
I'm glad.
I'm very glad.
Melanie Mack blocked me though.
Yeah.
What the fuck?
I think Melanie Mack is in her own little sphere of insanity.
Don't say that.
I didn't say insanity.
I think Melanie should come on the show.
Everybody should come on the show.
Yeah, tell us how to eat butter and stuff to stay healthy.
Mint salad is here for $10.
I was 16 in Rick and Morty discords, and Justin Roiland never even tried to groom me.
Life is actually unfair.
That's bullshit.
I would be bummed out if I was mint salad not getting groomed by Justin Roiland.
How are you going to be famous and not try to groom 16-year-old girls?
What's your problem?
That's the first thing you do when you get famous.
Isaac Ox for five says the biggest problem in the universe is not crediting your rhyme guy.
Oh, yeah.
Did Isaac write the rhyme?
Sorry, Isaac. You have to be.
I tweaked it a little bit, though.
He almost got me.
TBF, gotta be TBF inconsiderate
not to. Dead.
Pete Wienerstein for five. Adam Sessler may not be
a gamer, but he certainly isn't a comedian
either. See, I read that one.
He's not here, but Justin Coley
for 449...
What is that?
Euros?
The jetpack crown jewel from Always Boils My Piss When I Think About It.
The fuck does that mean?
All that happened is a lead-filled Armenian bleeding out hepatitis B.
Okay.
What's the jetpack crown jewel?
Well, Maddox thought he could steal the crown jewels with a jetpack.
By getting in there?
Yeah, but I don't know what the lead is.
All that had happened is the lead.
No, he's saying he'd get shot.
He'd get filled full of lead.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, well, the jetpack doesn't exist.
Is there a giant window above the crown jewels?
I don't know.
There's a lot of glass everywhere.
Also, if you had a jet pack, they would just track your jet pack.
You can't get...
It's not the Rocketeer.
No.
You can't just jet off into the sun.
They'd be like, all right, he's going...
There's no jet pack.
He's slowly going this way.
Tamungo for 10 Canadian. I've watched all the episodes the past few
weeks at work. My favorite podcast. Wow. Thanks to Mungo. I love hearing that. I love your
synergy and energy. I find myself a greeting with Dick mostly. Okay. But Vito to Vito too.
He agrees. Oh wait, wait, but Vito too. Then be fair to Adam Sessler, everyone. Almost got me.
Oh, damn it. Almost got me.
Good try.
Tag your man for 10.
Vito should put in ads for biggest problem in his channel in Superkiller.
An ad for that Nassim Agdem video he did would be great.
Yeah, that would be good.
I love that video.
That was back when I was creative.
Now he just makes Velma reviews on YouTube and cry about my cat.
Why don't you be creative again?
I'm still.
Well, part of why I want Dr. Kevin to come in is that he has, he just got a new house,
but he still has his old house.
And he's talking about transforming it into like a shooting space that we could potentially use.
Where is it?
He's going to like build sets.
Who's he at?
It's like north of.
A movie guy?
It's like north.
It's a conservative content creator. Yeah. You and him would be best friends. build sets. Uh, it's like North of a guy, like conservative, uh, create content. Best
friends. You know, you used to do a podcast with Owen Benjamin, right? I hate Owen Benjamin.
Yeah. He hates Owen Benjamin. He called me a Goy something. He's he's been telling me
that's what he called me. Owen Benjamin is nuts, but apparently Owen Benjamin and, uh,
Owen Benjamin is nuts But apparently Owen Benjamin and
Fuentes are like texting all the time
Now
You gotta tell Fuentes to get away from
Owen Benjamin and his weirdness
Let's see, Kufra2, thank you for not killing yourselves
Well, I'm getting there, but
If my cat doesn't come back in the next month
Dick, you can have the big co-host
Search
Why, what are you doing? I'll just blow my brains out
Over your cat? Nah, I won't do it.
I'm actually, I'm like,
you know what? That cat wanted to live outside.
I just hope he's happy wherever he is.
Probably found a nice family.
He might have got eaten by coyotes. There's been a bunch of coyotes.
Might have until.
We'll see.
Tag a man for 10. Dick should call his
game Last Chance Out Da Ghetto
after Menace Clan's second album that
was made but tragically vaulted by Rap-A-Lot Records.
Last Chance Out Da Ghetto!
Yep.
How do you vault an album and not release it?
How long ago did it get vaulted?
Why not release it now?
You gotta stage a ransacking of that vault.
We gotta steal that, uh...
Steal it.
What's that?
That Wu-Tang album that...
Is that still not out?
Did the government confiscate that from Mark Scrella? The confiscated it, and I think they sold it, though.
Oh, God.
I fucking hate the government.
I don't know who bought it.
Deus Exi for $20.
Thanks for getting rid of Frosca, guys.
I'm proud of you.
You're welcome.
Thank you.
Also, Vito, grocery stores are still the biggest problem in the universe.
Is this the grocery store guy?
You have not listened to the live shows.
No.
But one guy called in in. He just hates grocery
stores.
One of the most interesting callers I think
we've ever had. TBF though
the mozzarella curry chicken
at the Kroger Deli is very
delicious. He's been having a lot of trouble
at the deli. Moominum
for $5.15
fucking fun
dollars. Swastikas. Yeah.
Look at that.
It's a swastika.
Instead of TBF,
we should penalize Vito
every time he says
that something's complicated.
Fuck you.
Let me have my little sayings.
Nothing's complicated.
How about every time
Dick talks about alcohol,
I punch him in the face?
Like, is that a fun game?
Good luck.
Coup for five.
I hope my T-Y-F-N-K-Y-S
Messages don't fall under your thoughts
And prayers problem
No they don't
Thank you for not calling yourself
They're the opposite
Hopefully the Super Chat money
Makes you feel better
Yes because it's accompanied
By actual money
It's not just a prayer
Yeah
It has actual weight behind it
Mr. Peen for five
Says your cat knows
How to get back home
If it hasn't come back
It's dead
It was probably Eaten by a homeless person. Congratulations. Thanks. Thanks. Uh, five bucks. Stop laughing.
It's horrible. That's horrible. Money numb for six swastika dollars. Vito. I found your
cat thoughts and prayers. Pete for five praying Vito's cat got eaten by a homeless person.
God, that's awful.
Jeff M for ten. Now that Dick and Chrissy
Mayer are friends, you need to get her on the show. She'll see if Vito
can kiss and make up. She was able to be
fairly magnanimous to Carl after
he roasted her on his show.
Yeah, I mean, whatever. I don't care that she stole
somebody's Christmas presents. It's funny
in a way. It's fucked up. Fuck those
kids. They don't deserve shit. Fuck those kids.
Justin Rowland for two. Vito, don't eat Chinese food for a while.
Yeah, I'm not going to any neighborhood restaurants
anytime soon. Dominic for five.
Thoughts and prayers going out to your cat. Thank you, Dominic.
Jeff M for two. Cops was
the last good conservative show. That's great.
That's a good point. That was a good show.
Why does Daily Wire not have cops?
They could do a lot with that.
Yeah.
They should be going out just for, you know, you don't even have to sensationalize it.
Drug busts.
Minorities gone wild on Daily Wire.
What you gonna do?
What you gonna do? Minorities running loose.
You're not white and we're coming for you.
Porkboy 23 for 5.
Remember when Fox News tried to do its own Daily Show ripoff?
Now that was cringe
I don't remember that
I know they have Gutfeld now
Greg Gutfeld
He's like their big conservative comedian guy
He hosts his own show just called
Gutfeld
Apparently it's very popular
Well let's see
Up a little
Mike Hunt for 2
Velma is a black dwarf now It of a black elf, not a door. But yeah, but there
was a black dwarf in that shot. Spider eternal for two from gamer words to hyphenated slurs.
TBF Adam Smith with the big $50 on the board. Looking forward to sustaining myself with
the show. I take three months off work
following surgery.
Oh, my God.
Jeez.
Also, Vito, can I send you a bidet?
Well, I already have a bidet.
Yeah, I have one, too, man.
I sent Dick and Keon theirs.
Sean.
Sean theirs.
And I want TBF to you, too.
You know what?
He sent in $50.
He wants to be fair to me.
And I'll be fair to you, Adam Smith.
Suck him. Let me know
and keep up the work. If you got a
better bidet than what I got,
you can send it in. It's possible. Yeah, how good's your
bidet? Well, my bidet is better than your
bidet, I'm going to say, because I've used your bidet.
Your
water pressure isn't high enough on that.
What the hell are you talking about?
Oh dude I have like a stream that's like a pressure washer
I don't need that
I just put it on like one
Setting one
But then do you use
I don't go all the way up
Do you use toilet paper afterwards?
Yeah
Yeah I don't need it
Well I have to wipe the water off of my ass
No no no no no no
You just put your pants back up
With water?
It's not that much water
It trips out
You got a little wet.
Out?
You got a wet butthole.
That's it.
I don't mind having a wet butthole.
I do.
Regardless, your pressure is not blasting as hard as mine blasts.
I don't need it to blast.
I'm a blaster.
I'm a blast boy.
I'm the blaster master.
No, I don't need that.
Mike Hunt for two.
Jetpacks have existed for years, but they're huge.
Hell yeah.
You're not gonna fucking walk
Into the Crown Jewels store
No you'd probably fall down
In a second
Get a fan
Be the fan guy
Osama bin diesel for five
You know if you kill yourself
Don't put it under your chin
Eat the gun
That way it hits the brain
Yeah and you aim up a little bit
Right you wanna aim towards
The roof of your mouth
I don't know
You wanna go
Let's do it with
Suicide by cop
They'll get you
Paint if blackface
And then go out blasting
I had an idea for the show
Which I will tell you later
But anyway
Jeff M for two
I got you with a TBF veto
Did you earlier?
We did?
Let's see
Was that today or
Let's see
Oh
Cops was the last
Good conservative show
Well you didn't get me there
Now that Dick and Chrissy Mayer are friends, you need to get her on the show.
So, her and Vito, she was able to be fairly magnanimous.
I suck at Cocks.
There you go.
Andy said it again right there.
Don't say Cocks.
Don't tell if I'm clarifying it.
Good work, Jeff.
Wow.
Good work.
Very good, Jeff.
Thank you for that.
That's why we keep you on the chat.
Give me one more refresh.
We'll get your last
These are going to be the last Super Chats
But this has been a great show
I want to remind everybody to vote on the problems
Vote it up at biggestproblem.show
I want to remind everybody to check out the bonus episodes
At patreon.com slash biggestproblem
We have hit 1,500 patrons
And also backed.by slash biggest problem
if you would like to support the show
without having your money taken by the evil
tech overlords hit up backed.by
slash biggest problem
lord of the keno for two says use AI to
replace your cat it's a cat who cares fuck you
and mike hunt for two says
is the shower scene in velma worse than cuties
nothing is worse than cuties
dick show us our top
supporters. We love you guys.
We will be back next week.
The show will hopefully be back
on its regular Friday night schedule.
Oh, fuck. It's Saturday?
Today's Saturday.
We've had a couple different things come up,
but I think we got them
all sorted out, and we'll be able to...
Oh, if you're going to cry about it, why don't you just kill yourself?
Well, you know, the show moves around
If you want to know where the show is, I advise you
Follow us on Twitter
At twitter.com slash
The B-P-I-T-U
I will always post the updated show schedule there
And we got a great Reddit community, actually
I believe it's reddit.com slash biggest problem
Or slash r slash biggest problem
Yeah, it's a pretty old subreddit, weirdly, for the amount of time the show's been around.
Yeah, but if there's a special guest or whatever, I put it up there.
There's a lot of great discussion on there.
A lot of great places to check it out.
We love you guys.
Keep coming back.
And if you see a cat with a Q-tip stuck up its ass, it might be mine.
Please call or text.
Thank you, everybody.
Goodbye, everyone. Thoughts and text. Thank you, everybody. Goodbye, everyone.
Thoughts and prayers.
Thoughts and prayers.