The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 89
Episode Date: May 13, 2023Land Acknowledgements, My Bitch Realtor, Women in Star Wars...
Transcript
Discussion (0)
You know what? I don't have to be in color.
And the art doesn't have to look good.
I mean, it got better.
Is it crazy to say that Frank Miller's art sucks or is that really bad?
Frank Miller's art doesn't suck.
It's just different.
It does, dude. Let's just be honest.
No, it doesn't.
It didn't used to back in the 80s.
No, no. He's the guy, this colorist guy.
Wait, wait, wait. Let's do this show.
Let's do the actual show.
I am streaming.
Now I have to wait for it to say go live.
Now it's going live.
Okay.
Okay.
We are live.
Now one of you guys was saying Frank Miller's art sucks while we were just talking.
You said Frank Miller's art sucks.
Oh, that was me.
That was me.
And then Ethan agreed with you.
Well, you asked permission to say something like that
because a lot of people would see that as heresy.
You know it's bad if I'm asking permission to say something.
Yeah, it isn't good.
Not lately.
No, it is still good.
The problem is that they color it terribly.
They give it this, like, modern.
Whoever his colorist is just takes it.
His wife.
Yeah.
Well,
I was going to say a woman as a joke.
Are you serious?
His fucking wife covered colors.
Was she his wife when she started coloring it?
I don't know,
but I think,
I don't know if they're even still together,
but traditionally,
yeah,
his wife,
what is her name?
The chat's going to,
she has a weird,
like,
I thought she had like a weird Russian name.
Does your wife, does your wife do anything at all in your stuff, Ethan? What is her name? The chat's going to She has a weird like I thought she had like A weird Russian name Is that what it is?
Does your wife Do anything at all
In your stuff Ethan?
Does she even like
Nothing artistic
No she just
She's nice to the
Customers for me
So I don't have to be
I won't even let my girlfriend
Help me pack the shirts
I shouldn't
No no no no no no
Some husband wife duos
Do very well.
Michael Allred's wife is a great colorist.
I like her colors.
Laura Allred.
Nice and warm.
Laura Allred.
I met both of them at a comic convention.
Laura Allred was super nice, and Malk Allred couldn't even get my name right as he signed my comics.
I'm like, oh, you spelled it wrong.
What do you call you?
Pito?
No.
Pito Giswaldi.
So we did get it right.
He spelled Giswaldi with a Y Y I was like, it's actually an I
And then he dotted the Y
As if that made it okay
He dotted the Y like an umlaut?
At the end of my name
He dotted the Y that he put
Because he didn't pay attention
How to spell my name
I still like Mike Allred
I still like his stuff a lot
He just can't spell for shit
Point is about
What do you call it, Frank Miller.
Again,
his colorist just really screwed him. That stuff is
supposed to be flat, black and white. It's not supposed
to have his wife. Yeah, his wife screwed him.
Are you guys ready to start the show?
Yeah, let's do it. Should we start it?
I hope the volume is good for everybody.
If it's not, go fuck yourself. Or tell us
in the chat if there's a problem.
Now, what a show.
Oh.
Biggest problem in the universe.
Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe.
The only show that ranks every problem in the universe from subway
performers demanding food to brian singer making boys get nude what do you think about that one
i'm your host dick masterson so you're fucking tweeting are we live like 10 minutes can you
check we had 10 minutes to do fucking tweeting it says going live you're live you had 10 fucking
minutes while you were talking about
comic books. I asked
are we live and everyone just said
no. So until you refreshed that
thing, the show was not live.
Of course it's live. I clicked
the button. You saw me click it.
Now I'm revealing my DMs
on screen. This is devastating
for me. I have no idea what's going on.
Oh, I don't even know what I had in my fucking
DMs! Fuck! Whatever.
This is a nightmare.
Why don't you fucking do it? I got you your Ethan.
I got him his own mouse so he
can- Oh, good job! Good fucking job!
And then you had Ethan Ralph come in and he flew up
all over my mouse and now it doesn't work anymore.
I got Vito his own mouse
so he has total control and he can stop
barking orders at me like I'm his wife.
The show was not live right now. I don't know why.
I don't know either.
Whatever, it's fixed now.
I'm not in charge of YouTube.
Ethan VanCyver, welcome to the program.
Hey, I feel welcome. Thank you. Appreciate it.
Excited to have you.
You are the, I'm going to fuck fuck up your intro The creator of Cyberfrog
And many other things
Is that
I don't even want to
I don't even want to plug
Those other stupid things
To be honest
You know
What his past works
Yeah
Fuck them
They're dead to me
Famously known for Green Lantern
I think was your most prolific run
Correct?
Yeah I would say so
Were there any other big characters they ever put you on?
Flash.
Flash, Batman.
Green Lantern, Flash, Batman, X-Men.
Oh, man.
A little bit of a heterosexual Superman.
So all that stuff's outdated now.
Right, Bud lighted him.
What was your, like, what is the story that you wish you
or wanted to tell with the Flash?
Like, did you have a Flash story you wanted to tell?
Oh, yeah.
Do you want to get DT?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do.
Oh, yeah, cool.
All right, yeah.
No, no, no.
Like, I had this whole thing about, like, if you know Flash, you know that there's Barry Allen,
and then there are other Flashes, Wally West, and, like, you know, the original Flash, Jay Garrick,
and they're all friends.
They're the Flash family.
Can I pause you for two seconds, Ethan?
What?
People are saying the mics are super hot right now.
They're saying the mics are hot?
Yeah.
They can't turn their volume down?
I don't know.
How does that make...
The whole chat is saying we got some very loud mics.
They're going to have to turn the volume down.
Guys, check the thing real quick now.
I can't do mixing on the fly He gave you a mouse
Every time we get a guest
Something bad happens
And it's always my fault
I gotta use a different template, man
I don't know how this shit works
Sean just eyeballs it and then sends it over
I'm like, well, alright
I have constant anxieties
About this show.
That I'm going to break something.
Are you fixing it?
No, I don't know how to fix it.
Me either.
Anyway, I interrupted Ethan's great story about his good flash storyline.
I already forgot it.
Where was I?
Oh, yeah.
And then there are the bad guys, the Thawne family.
Okay.
They hate the Allen family.
Yes.
And wouldn't it be cool if there were a whole lot of Thawne family okay they hate the allen family yes and wouldn't it be cool
if there were a whole lot of thawnes that lived in the future and they were because of the speed
force they were fighting in the timeline uh and it was a matter of like what does family mean does
it mean your friends and the people you're close to and you love or is it like purely a blood thing
and you're with us if you're a thon and i i pitched this idea to dc and
they said we don't think it's going to go anywhere is there only one thon is there only one what is
it the reverse flash did they yeah yeah well i'm saying it would be cool if he had a whole family
because if the flash is a family would make sense for reverse flyers to have a bunch of weird friends
and shit i pitched them this i pitched them an evil woman named mara fawn because they run and they didn't they didn't go for it i'm like you gotta
be kidding me dude marathon the pun alone is worth a book oh my god it's good wow um but you did come
up with a lot of fast and furious took your idea. Basically, did they? It's about being fast and about family.
So I think that came with his family.
That's what it's about.
I was going to ask, did you come up with all the different colored lanterns?
Was that like you were there for it, like along with the writer, right?
No, I came up with it.
I'll take 100 percent credit for that.
And it really was my idea. Like I had this, you know, I, I,
it was hard to kind of pitch to DC because you were always worried that they
wouldn't realize how great I am. Like, that was my whole thing. Like,
I'm like, you realize a lot. Yeah.
Like I hope you guys are bright enough to realize how bright I am.
And I was just like, uh, there should be, you know,
red lanterns and blue lanterns
and the entire spectrum
of the rainbow.
It's a little LGBT of you,
don't you think?
That's a little...
Way ahead of time.
Nobody was ganged on.
That's the worst kind,
as The Flash would say.
You got to go back in time
and stop that shit.
No, no.
We love all the...
Gay.
Well, all that shit.
So you kind of get, like,
weird residuals here and there, right?
Do you see residuals on like the colored flash stuff if they like try to merchandise it or is that too complicated?
Listen, I was rooting for Ezra Miller the entire time he set up that compound and he brought like a 14-year-old girl to it.
Drugged, kidnapped the family of Native Americans and everything.
That's awesome though.
He went so far bad.
He went all the way back around.
I mean,
I kind of,
I got to let the 14 year old.
He loves a comeback story,
but he can't have a comeback story unless you,
you know,
kidnap some native Americans first.
Yeah.
I'm rooting for him because like the flash movie has a lot of stuff that I
did.
I'm probably going to get a nice six figure royalty check for that.
So yeah,
I want it to do well.
I'm I'm pro Ezra Miller, whatever he's up to. That's without
decimals, right? Because some
people say, some people include the decimals
I found out. I've been doing that. I've been
saying like, yeah, I got a six figure salary.
Thousand dollars a year.
Oh, I was going to
say, have they changed the contracts at all
since you left to try and cut guys out of
that? Are they like, oh God, we got to stop hunt guys out of that guys cut them out cut them out yeah
excuse me hunt out that was better they're cutting them well the leadership is women we're finding
out or half the creative teams i think they might be doing that i was wondering if they're trying to
lock people out because they're like i hear a lot of weird contract stuff at like marvel where they
don't want to pay anybody for coming up with half the characters.
Marvel sucks, man.
When it comes to royalties, Marvel sucks.
Think about being the guy who created Thanos.
We got this guy, Jim Starlin.
Right.
Who, you know, I used to know him.
He's a hippie.
He lives up in Woodstock and everything.
And he's like an angry hippie.
All the Woodstock hippies are angry.
Have you been up there?
They want to kill you. It's really weird. We have some angry hippie all the woodstock hippies are angry have you been up there they want to kill you it's really weird we have some angry hippies down here uh we call them bums
well they used to live in new york city and then over time they had to you know move north and get
out of the city for usually financial reasons so they're angry but anyway this guy jim starlin
created thanos and he was the key to like the entire MCU for two years.
All the action figures, the movie centered around him.
And they jipped him out of royalties.
Like from what he says, he got paid more for having a character named KG Beast appear in that awful Batman V Superman movie than he did for creating Thanos.
That's a good name, though.
KGB.
Like the CIA-ness.
Like a walking asshole that investigates.
CIA-ness.
Couldn't it be something like
CIA-ness?
No, that's not funny.
Don't you think I should be able
to sue Andrew Tate for stealing my character?
Wow. Seriously. Don't you think I should be able to sue Andrew Tate For stealing my character Wow Seriously
He's just doing your bit way too hard
Pull up your image of you
I didn't even make that connection
You're 100% right
I don't want to touch the computer right now
Yeah he totally ripped me off
His dad was done throwing chess pieces at him
And he saw Dr. Phil
In some Romanian
shithole that he was shacking up with whores in and said, I'm going to do that guy.
I'm going to do that guy for real.
Yeah, you could be living the titan.
Are you envious of Andrew Tate in any way, Dick?
Are you like-
Why would I want to live a lifestyle of whores and million-dollar supercars
and be worshipped by 13-year-old boys.
Why would anyone want that veto?
You have to enslave women to get to that point.
Oh, God, why would I want to do that?
Oh, jeez.
Why would I want to withhold women's taxes from them
and take their passports and shit and have them on camera all the time?
Sounds like a lot of work.
Managing all those crazy ladies.
The only part that I'm not envious about andrew tate is hanging having
to hang out with sneeko i think that would be right that's the worst pretending to be islamic
that would be pretty rough too um evs do you have any uh do you have any uh spoilers or uh
exclusives for cyber frog that you can drop on us like is there gonna be a cyber frog and super
killer crossover at all a crossover crossover fan art, maybe?
Well, let's have our people talk, Vito.
Let's talk.
I've seen your crossover with Isom.
I mean, that was...
That's not my crossover.
Don't do drugs.
That was pretty good.
That was pretty good.
It wasn't disavowed.
It has been disavowed on many occasions.
Not every day.
Not enough it wasn't.
I've seen your crossover. I disavowed on many occasions. Not every day. Not enough it wasn't. I've seen your crossover.
I disavowed that in the strongest possible terms.
What are Isam's superpowers?
Stabu.
He's very strong.
And he has a strong commitment to family.
Stronger than a regular black guy?
Yeah, he's definitely stronger than a regular black guy.
Okay.
He's at least as strong as two black guys.
Oh, wow. Like the blind side ofra bullock now that's a character you do you have
a cyber frog campaign going on you got a new one coming out right cyber frog dark harvest is live
right now yeah it's a story of if you read cyber frog wreck planet which is shipping at this moment
and everybody loves it i mean veto you haven't read it because I don't know. I gotta order a copy. I'm gonna get one.
Yeah, this is Cyber...
Look how beautiful my comic is compared to Vito's.
Wow. Vito's look like shit
compared to that.
I know, dude.
This is like Andrew Tate would drive this
fucking comic book. That's how beautiful it is, man.
Andrew Tate would withhold
taxes from that comic
if it was performing for him on camera.
I'm going to get a couple copies of your books because I've got to look at page weights and whatever else.
We'll talk after.
I've got to order some stuff.
How many lunchboxes and stuffed animals do you sell with your comics, EBS?
Vito went pedal to the metal with that.
I looked at his campaign.
I was like, damn, son, with that. I looked at his campaign. I was like damn son
You know, that's usually the second or third campaign these
As I've explained to dick Ethan there's no point in me making anything if I can't make stupid toys and tchotchkes No, I'm with you on life. I'm with you on that and you make toys. That's why I talked to Ethan
Yeah, he's making action figures and stuff. I'm Blair we call that. Yeah, I love it
I'm like, even if nobody else buys them
Even if they're just for me
I still get to go
Man yeah but I made some shit
It's fun
Yeah
Vino thinks he's Kiss
With his merch line
People are gonna love
He's got super killer rape whistles
No no rape whistles
Super killer IV bags
No no
People are gonna love this merch
It's gonna be great
Okay shall we
Do the problems from last week?
Who won last week?
I don't know if any of those sounds are going to be the right volume.
Probably not.
Drip pricing.
Drip pricing.
That's when Indiegogo charges a tip at checkout.
Ethan, have you seen that?
Yeah, I don't know why they do that.
They didn't used to do that.
It's a little weird.
Yeah, I agree.
Number two, subway performers.
Did you see that hero that
subdued that subway performer
in New York last week, Ethan?
Yeah, the guy was Michael Jackson
imitator and enough of that.
You know what I mean? Michael Jackson's dead. Why should his
imitators live?
I wasn't sure which way I leaned
until an old video Came out of
That guy fighting
With Joey Boots
Like eight years ago
And Joey Boots
Is my hero
Oh he is?
Oh dude
Did you ever watch
The old Joey Boots
Just walking around
New York
Bothering people
Sometimes yeah
Did you ever see
He found Tucker Carlson
Just fly fishing
For some reason
Yeah he just
Called people
And go hey
What are you doing there
Joey Boots was
An American hero
That man should have
Had a bajillion followers.
And fuck that Michael Jackson impersonator for daring to disrespect Joey Boots.
May the 4th, and then Bryan Singer was at the bottom.
The Vita-philes came through and voted down the pedophile.
Yeah, what the hell?
I bring in Bryan Singer.
I have the entire detailed timeline of all the horrendous.
It's like we say, man.
You do horrible sexual
Things to women it's the worst thing in the world
You do it to a bunch of teenage twinks and it's like
Yeah what are you gonna do yeah
That's just their culture
And you know no
It's not you can't do
That seems like it would be
How is he still
Why isn't he in jail
Like why isn't he in a cell somewhere?
Because he just ran off and all the lawsuits against him bounce off
and learn all about it on the last episode of Biggest Problem in the Universe.
But he was supposed to direct Red Sonja.
I don't know if you know that.
That was going to be his next big movie.
Was it going to be a little boy?
No, I think.
Is that what he gives him?
A little Red Sonja?
Stop it.
Now we don't even get
a Red Sonja movie
because Bryan Singer
had to do horrible things
to children.
Not good.
God forbid we don't get
another empowered woman
in a movie.
John says,
Vito, I know you hate
Bryan Singer,
but I would 110%
pay to see a version
of Wolverine
200 Twinks Edition
with an extended cut
for all the cum farts and
hey bub lines.
We had the people really like this bit where Bryan Singer would sleep with all these boys
by promising them they were going to be in the next X-Men movie.
So we thought the judge should legally declare that he has to live up to his end of the bargain
and we're going to get an X-Men movie, which is just all of Bryan Singer's gay rape victims
as Wolverine.
But done the best, as seriously as possible.
Yeah, let's have a huge budget.
Oops, all Wolverines. Snick, snick, snick.
Oh, bubba. Yeah, I liked it.
Like Kang the Conqueror, like the end of
Ant-Man, Quantumania, and it's like, oh, wow,
it's not gay at all, but there's like
10 million of that guy all around,
like fucking Rick and Sam.
I would have preferred 200 gay Wolverines at the end of that movie.
That would have been much better.
Face Child says, let's see, Dick's cry dubs rant was amazing.
I would pay for a bonus episode where Dick just shits all over eye dubs in Anissa for 60 minutes.
And I would pay you to stop starting fights with popular internet commentators because it makes my life harder you're fucking wanted to i know i already caused too many
trouble what are you gonna say then i was gonna say did you see that did you see that like weird
gaslighting night letter that he sent out i mean just like uh about the froggy fresh or froggy
fresh yeah like i'm not familiar with froggy fresh and i could give a shit about i doves but i was just watching this whole thing go down where he's just like just so you know sam hyde is not
popular around these uh parts he's uh we don't take too kindly to sam hyde's around yes like i
we used to get letters like that all the time in the comic book industry about richard c meyer like
just so you know you know diversity in in comics, if you associate with him,
he's going to be very harmful and detrimental to your career.
I can't believe that still goes on.
That is crazy.
I think, yeah, with both guys like iDubbbz and Ethan Klein or whatever,
they still really want the mainstream inroads.
They want to get mainstream guests.
iDubbbz wants to interview Jack Black about the next Mario movie.
Right. Is that why you won't go do that wa wga counter protest that i told you last night because
you're because you fucking want mainstream approval too oh that's different that's different
it's a real funny us protesting the wga strike as robots protesting for robots rides is funny
we could do all aluminum foil boxes,
paint our fucking face and say,
you use computers to write your scripts,
AI is the future,
meet death to humans,
shit like that, that's funny,
and they can't say shit because it's funny.
There's certain lines that I think optically are bad to cross,
and I don't want to piss off every writer in Hollywood.
Is that like the line dividing Palestine and Israel?
Is that what you mean when you say?
That's one line I'm not touching.
You can touch that line as much as you want, you psychopath.
But me, as somebody who maybe occasionally might want to get a project produced,
I don't want to be the guy who fought with every writer in Hollywood right now.
They're going to be lining up for Super Killer.
Bryan Singer is going to molest 20 boys to get Superkiller.
Maybe he'll make a comeback.
Everybody likes a comeback story.
God's God.
I had some friends over for Magic the Gathering recently.
It took them over an hour to realize that the Islamic call to prayer was playing in the background on a loop.
Thanks for that, guys.
Some people really like the call to prayer.
Do you know the Islamic call to prayer, Ethan?
No.
Perhaps you'll hear it later.
If somebody donates enough money, you'll hear it at some point.
You think they're not going to get a hold of that?
The WGA?
Me screaming about Pokemon cards over the Islamic call to prayer?
You are the one over the call to prayer.
I normally stay out of it.
Rev says, it turns out the judge in charge of that Joe Schilling case
was both black and female.
Are you familiar with the Joe Schilling case, Ethan?
No.
Could you tell me about it?
You've probably seen the video.
What was he, an MMA guy Or a UFC guy
Yeah this
This jackass like
Walks over to an MMA guy
And he's like dancing
In a bar
In a bar
And the MMA guy
Lays him out
With one punch
Then he goes
Well the waitress told me
That he said the N word
Yeah so it's okay for me to
Demolish this guy
So the verdict
That was his defense
Yeah the verdict came back
That it was self defense
Which is preposterous
We watched We watched
the video and he's just like,
hey, I'm having a good time. And he knocks his elbow
against his shoulder against the
MMA guy. And the guy levels
him, right? Fucking comically.
Well, earlier in the night, I was told
he said the N-word, so this is
fine. And the guy's black who hit
him? No, no. Both white guys.
No, really? That's the most that's the most
surprising thing so if you ever get in a fight and and you knock the guy out just claim that
previously to the encounter you definitely overheard him say the n-word this is great
you're right you know it's like the good bad and the ugly like
Legally duel in the street now, so apparently the judge that ruled it was self-defense is in
Seems like a conflict of interest
Adventurist.
That's right.
That's what you did.
All right.
It is a very interesting case. Okay, I have one thing before we get started with the show.
I don't know if you...
Vito's Twitter?
What did I do?
I didn't do anything.
I don't know if I can pull it up on this thing that I have right here.
Can you read it?
Vito got his account back.
I don't understand your objection to this
Well Vito's tweeted
In the wake of a mass shooting
If I'm
Correct me if I'm wrong
Don't fucking do
Don't fucking big league me like this please
On my own show
Vito has tweeted
I dreamt I committed a mass shooting
First of all What? Vito has tweeted, I dreamt I committed a mass shooting.
First of all.
What?
You said the phrase, I committed a mass shooting in a tweet.
I dreamt it.
I dreamt.
It doesn't matter if you put, I didn't do that and then say the thing. It's still bad.
And everybody was really mad at me.
And you said this on May 8th, which was how far away from the mass shooting?
Well, that's probably why I had the dream is the mass shooting happened.
And then that night I dreamed,
what would it be like if I committed a mass shooting?
The worst part is though,
the guys who were really mad at me were the white supremacist guys who were
trying to hide me from the cops.
I didn't mention that part of the dream.
Do you think that a mass shooting is a time for you to start talking about
your dreams?
Like that's the
most vivid dream it was really weird yeah the most white woman thing i've ever seen oh there
was a mass shooting i had a dream that i was very martin luther king you know a different kind of
dream and they were hiding me in a barn and then i realized i had left my cell phone on the entire
time and they geolocated me and i went to prison. So I was a bad, I was bad at hiding from the cops too.
Okay.
Here's the other one that I got from.
No, don't read that one.
This is, I think we should severely limit gun ownership.
You said that.
I think we're getting to the point where we need some new, some new rules.
Did you say this or not?
I did say this.
What is, was this satirical?
It was like one of those things where I go, you know what?
I don't really want to get into it.
But like if I had the option to, you know, come up with some new laws,
I think we could discuss some common sense objections to, you know what?
Somebody told me the big magazines.
What do you think about that?
What do you mean?
Well, limiting magazine size.
So like 3,000? Yeah, I'm okay with that. the big magazines. What do you think about that? What do you mean? Limiting magazine size.
Like 3,000? Yeah, I'm okay with that.
It's like how, you know, for self-defense how many bullets do you need in your gun?
How many army guys are there?
I need at least
one for every army guy you got.
I have whole different ideas on the whole
militia thing. They're the ones coming to my house
with automatic weapons.
I think it would be complicated, but I think if you can identify as a militia and have
a safe house, then you can have as many guns as you want.
But of course, you know, everybody wants to keep their guns secret.
What do you mean?
Identify as a militia with who?
The government?
Yeah.
Why would that?
How does that work?
You need gotta register.
Look, a lot of people are dying.
It sucks.
What else do you do?
Just let it happen?
A lot of people are dying of obesity.
Yeah.
You want to make fucking Mountain Dew illegal?
Because I do.
I'm for that.
I don't drink that shit.
It's poison.
We got no drugs for that.
We should have.
All right.
I'll put it this way.
All right.
Maybe we just got to medicate all the kids.
Maybe we just got all the weird kids
Just put them on something
That's causing the shootings
I don't know what's causing the shootings
It's a very complicated subject
No
Take my guns, I'll kill you
That's not complicated
How about, what's the age to get a gun?
You know?
Zero
Actually, negative nine months.
You got to defend against abortions now.
Bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop.
You should not be allowed to have more.
I'll come in a girl and stick a gun in there.
Here you go.
You should not be allowed to have more guns than your age plus five.
How's that?
Well, Dungeons and Dragons-y.
Yeah, I don't know.
I'm honest.
We'll come up with a system.
All right.
That makes sense to me. Dick's the winner. It's my turn, so I'll go. Oh, we didn't even go. Yeah, I'm honest. We'll come up with a system. That makes sense to me.
It's my turn, so I'll go. Oh, we didn't even go.
Yeah, we did go. My problem
is called
my bitch realtor.
Yeah.
I recently discovered that I have no
plumbing in my house. I have no
connection to the city sewer.
Did you figure out what the pipes are dumping
into? My bitch realtor. out what the pipes are dumping into?
My bitch realtor.
That's what they're dumping into.
As it turns out.
Yeah.
I was sold a house with no city sewer connection and it's just dumping into a pit.
Is it like a pit that was pre like meant for sewage?
No.
What do you mean?
I don't know.
Like what?
No, there's a septic tank In the front of the house Yeah
That's empty
And dry
And it has been disconnected
How did no one figure that out?
Well I'll give you a clue
It's my bitch realtor
Didn't figure it out
That's cause that's what they're for
Yeah
Right?
Um
I don't know what the laws are
I'm probably fucked on it
So you went to purchase the house
And you said
I said this thing's connected to the sewer like normal.
Like a normal house, right?
She said, yeah, of course. I said, okay,
can you, like, hire a guy
to come out and verify that? She said, yeah,
sure. He comes out, verifies
it, and I emailed him
seven years later and said, hey, by the way, jackass,
not connected to the sewer.
And he goes, well, I mean,
that could be any Number of reasons
That's not my fault
I still think you should
I don't know
My bitch realtor
Just hire some guys
At the Home Depot
To hook up your septic tank
Well why not
Yeah
At this point
I did everything right
And came
And got the worst
Possible outcome
So
Why not just do nothing?
What do you do with that septic tank if it's completely unused?
I'm going to go live in it.
You just look at it?
I'm going to abandon the house. I'm going to live in it like with that movie.
Yeah. And I'm going to haunt the people that move into my house.
What percentage of realtors are women, I wonder?
That's a stat you should have went looking for.
One in five. Damn it. One in five percent.
One in five people, 20%, are unsatisfied with their realtor.
Really?
That was the stats I looked up.
And then I stopped looking up stats when I looked for what's the most common complaint
about realtors.
Yeah.
It was septic right at the top.
I said, okay.
Wait, was it actually?
Yeah.
I said, yeah, I'm done.
How do they fuck up the septic every time?
Because they don't give a shit.
They don't give a shit about anything but collecting their 3%. Because they're
just a bunch of fucking con artists
that are too dumb for crypto.
That's what realtors are.
They're scam artists that are too stupid
to sell cryptocurrency.
So they just trade houses
back and forth and scam you
with their scam friends that probably are probably there with a fucking Lynx Atari figuring out your sewer.
Oh, yeah.
Everything's great.
What's the statute of limitations?
Ten minutes?
Yeah.
This thing's fine.
Take it away.
Yeah.
So you have no legal.
Is there like a statute of limitations on, I don't know, improper home selling?
I mean, probably.
Does it seem like anything is written to help people like me, guys like me?
No.
So I have a feeling, no, I'll be fucked no matter what.
So I emailed my realtor about it.
Oh, go ahead, Ethan.
I was going to say, so you built a house.
Somebody sold you a house that's basically built over a latrine, essentially.
That's a nice way of putting it
Just emptying into the ground
I call it a shit pit
And you're telling me
The sewer is like
Above your house
You gotta get the pipes to go up somehow
Yeah the city built
The city has been charging me for sewage
For seven years
As a practical joke to me.
Built the sewer above the house.
Yeah, they sent me a form that I could fill out to get my money back.
Oh, really?
Uh-huh.
You can get your money back for all the sewer fees you didn't actually use?
I think it's a trick, actually.
There you go.
I think it's a trick to get me registered on that we're going to fine you for not being connected to the sewer.
That might actually be a trick there.
Well, why do we use realtors anyway? I never understood that. Can't we just sell houses? fine you for not being connected to the sewer. That might actually be a trick there.
Well, why do we use realtors anyway?
I never understood that.
Can't we just sell houses?
What do they do?
They bring people by to look at them?
I don't know, actually. I think the whole realtor thing is a big scam.
I'm going to start spreading a rumor that realtors are getting killed in the area.
And that they're getting buried in the houses that they take you
to. I think, well, I think there have been some like companies now are trying to come out and
cut out the realtor, you know, where you just buy the house and get it done. I can show people my
house. I'm a care. I think is the problem. Most people aren't charismatic individuals and go
welcome to my humble abode or most people can not no most people cannot answer emails i think they're
qualified to be realtors well like uh i know i think when my aunt became a realtor and before
that she was just a normal pleasant lady and i was like well i don't think that makes you uniquely
qualified i think it kind of seems like anybody could do this i used to date a realtor now i want
to go i want to call her up and get back together with her just to hate fuck her now um are you a homeowner uh yes yes you ever had any uh any
issues after plumbing checks your plumbing does it not not like that the only thing is i yeah we
have uh we have the same situation as you except we're hooked up you're not allowed to pour bacon
fat down the drain which pisses me off that's kind of a no fat down the drain because it collects there and they
they come by to to empty out your septic and they know they go there's fat there's bacon fat
floating on top of your shit yeah it solidifies like a little pump and you get in trouble for
that you get fined for that which is something I didn't know until You can't just eat it
And then it comes out anyway
And it's like
Well yeah I just ate that
What do you mean
Of course it's
No once it comes out of me
What do you
I eat a lot
I eat so much bacon fat
That it congeals out of my ass
No
I freeze it
And swallow it
Yeah
I eat it in cubes
Duh
Frozen cubes
I don't want to have this conversation
With somebody with a truck
Who's pumping shit out of my front yard
Listen man
Prove to me
That didn't come out of my butthole
And I'll give you a dollar
They're so precious
About all their garbage
You know
Yeah garbage guys
Like I'm
When I
Sometimes when I put my trash out
I'm like praying to the trash god
That I didn't put too many
Cardboard boxes
At the wrong angle
Like oh god
Please take my fucking
Trash away trash man
i'm not worthy i used to get letters from the city saying we stacked too much trash up
luckily my new place i just got a dumpster i put all sorts of stuff in there
um i love it one time they didn't the city didn't pick up my like bags of yard trimmings because we
got to trim uh we have to cut all of our weeds every year and then there's like 30 of those big contractor bags out front stacked in a pyramid that the
that the garbage guys will pick up for free once a year so i put them out there the guys put them
out there and i say yeah you got to pick up my you have to call them and say hey retards i have
a giant pyramid of shit that you need to pick up so he said oh yeah you didn't put it too close you
didn't put it close enough to the street so we can't pick it up.
And then I said, it's right on the fucking street.
They respond with a picture.
They took a picture of my trash of like this much.
Like there's a fence in front of my fucking house
and then a sidewalk and then the road.
They sent me a picture that their driver took.
Like, you mean to tell me that your guy got out of the car
and took a picture with his cell phone
instead of just taking the car?
Like, it's, you mean,
like they couldn't just move the truck over
closer than that?
Bro, you know that's the best part of that guy's day
is getting out of the truck.
He goes, ooh, I can't wait
until they send him this stupid picture.
He's going to feel so dumb.
Got him, click. He's like, feel so dumb. Got him. Click.
So my arm was broken.
So I just went out and tipped the trash over into the street.
I was like, well, here you go.
Now it's a big pile.
That's pretty good.
Anyway, that's my problem. Ethan, how do you dispose of your bacon grease?
You know what?
Right now, we don't have a really good way, so I throw it over the fence in the woods.
I mean, there's a pile of fat there.
My wife will be like, you have to.
I got to walk the fan out the backyard and just pour it over the fence.
That's the only way.
Fan sent me a new grease collection unit.
Have you been using yours?
Yeah, I have.
Because we've talked about this getting rid of oil problem before.
It is tricky.
My favorite Hitomi Tanaka porn starts with a big grease pile like that
that comes to life and rapes her.
I'm serious.
Wait, actually?
Yeah.
That's horrifying.
Hot.
All right, so Dick's problem is his bitch of a realtor.
Yeah.
Ethan, what's your problem?
Biggest problem in the universe.
I barely have any problems, really.
I mean, life is fairly easy right now.
I don't have a lot of complaints.
I'm always angry about, well, I was less angry about Star Wars,
but now I'm really angry because somebody sent me a video of uh star wars
celebration and they had a woman up there who basically i guess there's a new show called star
wars the acolyte that's coming out in disney uh yes starring a woman you had me with woman
i know instantly we got problems but i mean she she's a black lesbian i think uh the main actress the actress
okay yeah and she's like you know it's about time that they hired me because star wars was all
patriarchal it was about the patriarchy and here i am to fix that and it drove me nuts i would
what she used the term the patriarchy on stage she did she. She did use it. That's bold.
I don't know any black lesbians who have fixed anything.
Michelle Obama won't run for president.
I can't think of one.
Can you?
And what are they talking about anyway
that Star Wars is patriarchal?
It's ridiculous.
Princess Leia, of course.
I can't follow that.
Well, I mean, it's about fathers.
Go back to the planets.
Women shouldn't be off planet.
How come you don't ever...
That's never been said in Star Wars, right? to the planets. Women shouldn't be off planet. How come you don't ever, that's never been said in Star Wars, right?
Oh, a woman, women shouldn't be leaving planets.
Get back to that.
Leia was like the main diplomatic force
for the rebels or whatever else.
Mon Mothma.
It's always been very female focused.
In my opinion, too many women.
Yeah, there were like three.
There was one.
We had to get rid of Gina Carano
because there's too many too many ladies
yeah amperu but she didn't make it uh other than that that was it that was all of them and it's
plenty too many i have a question uh was the black lesbian fat no uh no not at all
lead in star wars that's never gonna happen to happen. Well, they had Lizzo.
They put Lizzo in there.
Yeah, that was a big mistake.
Was that just to annoy me?
I mean, I don't understand why they did that.
I don't know what that was for.
Yeah, it was terrible.
Lizzo can't act either.
Jack Black can still act.
I like Jack Black.
People are saying he was just kind of wasted in that role,
that it should have been something more interesting
And I agree with that for sure
What was she talking about?
Star Wars Acolyte?
The Acolyte
I think this is a big Kathleen Kennedy project
That she's been personally
Behind Mandalorian's more Jon Favreau
And Dave Filoni
Acolyte is
Kathleen Kennedy's big,
it's going to be like a series,
like multiple episodes, right?
I guess so.
I think it's going to be a TV show.
Oh, she is hot.
Is she hot?
Yeah.
Show me.
Well, here's her as a little girl.
Don't show me that.
Well, that's...
Why would I want to see that?
Yeah, why, Dito?
God damn it.
She's got like dreads and stuff.
She looks young.
That's not her.
Is that her?
That's not her.
She's bald?
Yeah.
The acolyte.
Are you sure?
Yeah.
That's my biggest problem.
Your biggest problem is what?
Women in Star Wars? What's the actual problem. That's my biggest problem. Your biggest problem is what? Women in Star Wars?
What's the actual problem?
That's it.
The problem is, are they making it a little less good?
Well, they make it about themselves.
And that's what women do.
You know, the thing about comic books and fantasy is that, you know, it's for men.
Because men like to look at Batman and Superman and any superhero character, Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, and we go, boy, I wish I was like them.
We imagine that we are them.
And women come in and they go, it needs to be more like me.
We need to make everything more about myself.
Yeah.
Well, I also I always think about all the women I've known In my life And none of them
Ever liked Star Wars
Are you talking about
Trans women
No I'm talking about
Actual women
Well cause sometimes
When you say women
Like that you fucked a woman
It's like a penis
No trans women love Star Wars
So that wouldn't make any sense
They love that shit
Lightsabers
And
What anyway
I
You know like my sister
I would always be like
Hey you should watch
These Star Wars movies Or my mom Or I don't know Girlfriends or whatever else, I would always be like, hey, you should watch these Star Wars movies.
Or my mom or, I don't know, girlfriends or whatever else.
And they'd always be like, yeah, this is dumb.
You know, so I never understood.
I know women like this.
Yeah, so all these women were like coming to the work and they're like, oh, I want to write Star Wars.
I'm like, do you really?
Or is it just kind of like you showed up and they offered it to you and now you got to pretend that you're really into it?
Is it because guys are paying attention to it?
Is that why you want to do it?
Is that why?
There's a little something there
That's why
I don't know
I just
I mean I'm sure there are passionate
Female Star Wars fans
But I never understood
Why you don't just find these guys
Who are like
Deeply obsessed with Star Wars
And like really into it
All Star Wars writers
Should look like you Vito
Yeah
Or Dave Filoni
Dave Filoni is the biggest
Dork He's got that stupid cowboy hat And I look at that cowboy hat And I go writers should look like you Vito yeah or Dave Filoni Dave Filoni is the biggest dork
he's got that stupid cowboy hat and I look
at that cowboy hat and I go that's the only man
I trust to like Star Wars because clearly
he doesn't care about his like personal look
like he's
developing a lisp he's like he's
in Hollywood he's surrounded by
these people he's surrounded by Kathleen Kennedy
they're turning him into a woman
too it's unbelievable Jon Favreau
Is our last vote
No it's always weird
And then they have that
Like Star Wars
Thank god he's getting so fat
Jon Favreau
He's making himself
More repulsive
He has to do that
To keep women away from him
Now that he's
Because he's getting so famous
He just has to keep
Getting fatter and fatter
It's just weird
I go to like
The main Star Wars
YouTube channel And I'm like Because there's all These Star Wars channels And's just weird I go to like The main Star Wars YouTube channel
And I'm like
Because there's all these Star Wars channels
And it's like guys
Who are super enthusiastic
About Star Wars being like
Hey here's the cool
Whatever thing
Whatever
And then you go to the actual Star Wars channel
And it's like this ginger lady
Who's like
Wow today we're making
Star Wars cookies
And I'm like
Why don't you just get a guy
To tell me about the cool new video game
Or some shit
It's so weird
They're doing that in Marvel too
I know
They turn Marvel into a lifestyle brand Where it's like it's all women like it's
like mommy bloggers or some shit wolverine spaghetti here's how to do it it's like what is
this like it's not about comics anymore it's really really strange and it's all about women's
baked goods and today we're gonna make doilies that look like Deadpool.
And you're like, what do you do?
Why?
Just sell me Deadpool.
See, this is why I'm so pro on the trans stuff.
Because women don't have anything
that we could ruin except their bathrooms.
Women have ruined everything that we have.
And then my thinking is like all right i'm gonna fuck your
stuff up like you don't have anything take away their jobs you can't fuck up lifetime movies you
have no jobs like i'm trying to fuck up that pussy but it takes a lot of work but like ah
you love the bathroom yes got it fucking bam my job anybody can go in there now I'm a woman now I don't even have to be
that fucking guy
get in there
get in there
fuck them up
I don't care what you do
get in there
take away their fun space
fucking punch drunk
love that shit
throw it everywhere
I feel like I'm having my period
yes
yes
we're taking your periods
you bitches
it's a very
don't you think though
Wouldn't you agree with that
Ethan
So you know
Transgenderism is all
Practical joke
Men getting back at women
That's Dick's
Running theory
Is that transgenderism
Is a way
For men to take back
Not a joke
Satire
Satire
Alright
Yeah
To take back
That which has been To strike at the hearts Of women everywhere And ruin their joke satire. Satire. All right. Yeah. To take back that
which has been to
strike at the hearts
of women everywhere
and ruin their
ruin their good
times.
That's why I'm so
pro it.
He loves trans
athletes.
He's like, look at
that.
We want another one.
I mean, they want
another one.
No trans woman has
ever told any other
woman I have a small
penis.
All right.
Only women have done that.
Yeah.
You're like Muhammad Ali.
I love it.
That's great.
No trainee ever called me gay.
Right?
That's the...
All right, Muhammad.
I do think it's very weird.
I do think there are certain franchises
that clearly appeal to young men
or just men,
like, you know, masculine franchises. It's great young men or just men Like you know masculine
Franchises it's great that women are into
Star Wars but it's so weird to see them
They're not
There might be some
Look I'm willing to say there's some
But again probably most of them are like
I think Ewoks are so cute
I love the Baby Yoda
Like I know a girl she loves the Baby Yoda
As she watches the actual Mandalorian show
And she's like I only like when Baby Yoda's doing a little goofy stuff you know that's the only thing she
cares about i'm like all right well you can get her money with that but you can't you know if
you asked her to write a star wars show it would probably suck so all star wars is just women
nagging guys and then guys nailing it you know you're never gonna make that shot Yeah
Fucking million to one odds
Don't tell me the odds bitch
You can't navigate
Through this asteroid field
Yeah exactly
Well you gotta come back
For the harvest
That is the best part
Of Star Wars
Is negging Princess Leia
I would watch a movie
I love you
Bitch I know you love
Shut the fuck up
If there was a movie
That had no plot
And it was just a woman
Telling a guy he couldn't do something
And he just did it
Did it perfectly
It would be the most
Stares, looks at her
It would be the most blockbuster
It's bigger than Joker
You can't park there
Fucking watch this shit
That is the hardest
You got your wallet out of cash
Every single second of it
No, you make a good point.
Blowing my mind.
That is amazing.
So how would you fix Star Wars, Ethan?
Could you?
Would you do it?
I don't think it can be fixed because, you know, George Lucas was it.
And George Lucas isn't direct.
And by the way, I don't even know if he ever really –
I don't know if he should be in charge of it either.
I think it's just that it's fan fiction now.
So you can get good people over there like Jon Favreau to make good Star Wars.
But other than that, it's all fake and gay.
What do you think about like with Indiana Jones?
Like they're doing another one of those.
Same feeling?
Yeah, I don't know how they're going to do it, man.
Something happened like, you know, something happened in the 90s, 2000s, where like Indiana Jones and Star Wars, George Lucas and Steven Spielberg.
I don't know if they both sold their souls to like some satanic pedophilic something or other in Hollywood.
They probably did. But yeah, they gave up the spiritual aspects of those two properties.
Those those Star Wars and Indiana Jones
are ultimately about religious faith. If you look at them, I mean, they're, you know, Indiana Jones,
literally, we're finding even the stones of Shankara, there's the existence of something
greater than man. And then, you know, of course, two relics from the Bible. And then you've got
Star Wars, which is about the force and the force is faith in something.
Right. It represents faith in God, perhaps.
And then something happened where, like the new Indiana Jones movie was about UFOs and aliens replacing God with science.
And then suddenly, yeah, it didn't feel right. Right.
It felt like you want to see biblical artifacts be real.
Like you want to see that stuff and then star wars again replaced
the force with midichlorian so there's a scientific explanation for miracles i mean it's like what the
fuck you know that's that's when star wars really died and that's why george lucas probably shouldn't
be allowed to make any more and it's not that you know it's not as though disney is going to step in
there and make these movies that represent what they used to anyway.
They're never going to go back to – is there going to be an artifact in Dial of Destiny?
Jesus Christ.
It's like time travel or something.
Yeah, like it's all science now.
Is it Indiana Jones?
Yeah, it's Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny.
It's not Indiana Jones without Nazis.
Like it's just not.
Well, I think there are Nazis just not Well there are Nazis in there
Yeah
Nazis trying to go back in time
And fix the war or whatever
I mean I'm cautiously like
Are they going to fix it by not doing it
Hitler stop
They're going to make Israel and they give them nukes
Fucking do not do what you're doing
You're making it so much worse
How do you always twist this to be the worst thing ever?
I mean, wouldn't you?
Isn't that what you would do?
If you're a Nazi, what are you going to do?
Shit
You got one job
You got to talk Hitler out of it
Okay
Not only are you guys not going to kill the Jews
You're going to make them better than ever
You don't understand
I'm trying to stop the Holocaust
It really did kind of backfire for Hitler
When you think about it.
Anyway,
no, I think, look,
I don't know, like Spielberg's still good. I saw
Fablemans. That was fun, although it was a little weird
talking about how his mom
cheated on his dad. It's like the theme of the
whole movie.
What? Spielberg?
Yeah, Spielberg made a whole movie called The Fablemans,
which literally just should have been called The Spielbergs,
but I guess he thought that would have been a stupid name.
Oh.
Yeah, it was just like, hey, you know, we had a great family,
and then my mom cheated on my dad with Seth Rogen,
and it all became weird.
Yeah.
That's weird.
Sorry to spoil The Fablemans.
I think it was out there anyway.
But that was, you know, I saw that, and I was like, well, there's still,
Spielberg's got some magic In him still
I don't know
George Lucas I think
Was always a little confused
About what the hell
He was doing
I think Star Wars
Was one of those things
Where he just kind of
Stumbled upon it by accident
And again it was a lot of like
After the fact
Stealing Japanese shit
Really yeah
And then having it edited down
By editors
Well the editors really
Saved a lot of it
And then for like
The second and third one He's just like Look I don't know How to write this shit It was really Lawrence Kasdan having it edited down by editors well the editors really saved a lot of it and then for like the
second and third one he's just like look i don't know how to write this shit it was really lawrence
kasdan yeah yeah yeah agreed agreed yeah so but even lawrence kasdan's fucking up because he wrote
that force awakens shit and you're like what the fuck are you doing what is this there's nothing
here yeah like i don't know that was all of star wars is so weirdly fucked right now uh the fact
that they're moving forward with more Rey Skywalker.
I'm sure you saw that announcement, Ethan.
Tells me they probably don't know what they're doing.
Not only that, the Rey Skywalker movie is going to be directed by a lady who's never directed a Hollywood blockbuster before.
Her last movie was a documentary about women in Pakistan having acid thrown on them by their husbands.
You know what I think of when I think of Star Wars?
This acid attack lady would be great.
Darth Vader, he's like, oh, God, go on.
He is like a woman.
That's not the connection.
Like an honor killing.
You whore.
It's so weird.
No, no. It is weird the direction it's going. We will see. It's so Oh no
It is weird the direction it's going
We will see
How do you feel about all of entertainment being controlled by like one monolithic
Conglomeration
What is that conglomeration Dick
Disney right
What did you think I was going to say Jews
Yeah I kind of
That's what I was worried about
You're not incorporated
That's money
those are walt disney's dying words by the way did you know that
walt disney's last words before he died were don't let the jews get disney
i believe it
it's horrible uh yeah it is weird that disney controls everything But they kind of don't know what they're doing
And it kind of
Oh no
Marvel seems in trouble
Star Wars seems in trouble
I think Disney is very confused
They just had really
They had their new subscriber numbers for Disney Plus
Came out and they're in the dumps
Everybody's on though
Streaming seems to be down all across the board
Yeah
I think a lot of people are tightening their wallets as well
And they're just like
Why am I paying for 8,000 different streaming services?
Yeah, my dick show patreon numbers are very far down
You gotta go over there at patreon.com slash the dick show
Subscribe to this show
Subscribe to my show
I'm gonna cut of that
It is gonna be an interesting time
Also a lot of these studios are bleeding money
Because of supply chain problems
Apparently building a set right now
cost of fortune lumbers through the fucking roof and all this shit so uh hollywood's in a weird
place so they really can't be making these mistakes yeah and uh trusting women to write
star wars gotta get rid of women get them out of there i agree i know i you know listen that's uh
that's step one i'm sure there's some capable women.
It has to be some like I just want to know why.
Like, we always got to bend over backwards looking for like that one unicorn woman.
Like we're trying to set up a Teresa.
I'm like, just fucking.
Okay.
Writer.
The key thing is if they come in and say, look what this is, what you've been doing is wrong because it's patriarchal, it's racist, it's bigoted, sexist, whatever it is.
That's what they're talking about.
They're gone.
You don't hire them.
Like, you should say, you know, why do you want to write Star Wars?
Oh, because I saw A New Hope as a kid.
I love A New Hope.
I love Empire Strikes Back.
And I really want to carry on the story of these characters.
That's a woman that you hire.
But find one of those.
See, that's a good standard, Ethan, is find people who love the thing,
not people who want to fix the thing.
That's right.
Every single time.
Everybody's looking for people who want to fix it.
Well, it's not broken, so shut up.
It's broken now.
You guys broke it more, but the original ones aren't broken.
Yeah, there's a lot of that.
When's the Cyberfrog movie being sold to Disney?
When is that happening?
I don't think he's getting the Disney deal anytime soon.
No, no, no.
I don't think either of us is getting the Disney deal.
When are you getting the Daily Wire deal?
To bring Cyberfrog to the silver screen, the cyber screen.
It's a bidding war between the Daily Wire and Stephen Crowder right now for Cyber Frog.
Fucking watch it.
I think you're going to team up with Tim Pool, was last I heard.
Oh, yeah.
Are you doing a weekly comic for him or something?
Not weekly.
Oh.
That was the one thing was when he was on there and he's like, we could do a weekly comic.
I'm like, Tim, no one's doing a weekly comic anymore.
Tim Pool's going to do the soundtrack for your movie.
Are you okay with that?
Yeah, I like his music.
He's good.
He's good. I like Tim Pool? Yeah, I like his music. He's good. He's good.
I like Tim Kess.
You love his music. You love Tim Kess,
the band. Hum one of his
songs.
Just give me one
chorus.
I'm sure people are listening to Tim Kast
It's a great band
His band's named Tim Kast?
His band is named Tim Kast
It's not like Tim Pool and the shallow end or something like that
And the deep end
And the deep end
It should be
Drowning in the pool with Tim
There's a lot of pool metaphors he could have went with
Put it totally
Have you talked to
him further at all about i know he wants to do like a comic thing but again he's one of these
guys he dreams big he wants to do everything so i don't know if he was like yeah i was on his show
and at the end of the show you know he said i'm serious i would like to do comics with you and
and i said what do you want to publish comicscape projects and he he gave me this he said no i want to publish this idea that i've had
i have this vision and he he broke down like an apocalyptic uh you know story where resources i
can't really get into it too much but i said it was it was basically a scenario rather than a
story so he'd need to work with uh somebody to it into a story Because imagine if the world was like this
Like if we were all out of Super Chats
And it was just
Men competing for Super Chats
But there's a
Dwindling resource
Perhaps, yeah, perhaps something like that
So, I don't know, I like it
If Tim Pool wants to get together
And produce comics, man, we need to do that.
The one thing, because I'm not a right-wing guy,
but the one thing about the right is that they're throwing a bunch of money around.
I go, well, if they fund stuff, good.
A lot of them aren't funding stuff.
A lot of them are funding them complaining about liberals.
I'm like, yeah, we have infinite supply of that.
I can get that anywhere.
If they said, I want to make a movie from a conservative guy
or I want to publish a comic from a conservative guy,
that's way more cool and exciting to me.
And I hope that guys like Tim Pooler try to do that.
Well, you're in on that.
Why are you doing this, Vito?
Are you doing this out of irony?
Doing what?
Making a comic?
Super killer, yeah.
I mean, what is this?
Well, I wanted to make a comic like two years ago before.
I don't know what it predates, but.
Okay, you're better than Eric July because you announced it.
It has nothing to do with Eric July.
You got really competitive with Eric July, man.
I think Eric July is a false prophet.
I think that.
I think everybody.
I think everybody, I think he's one of these guys who probably cares more about fighting a culture war than making like a good product.
But that's fine.
You know, look, the problem is that a lot of people sung his praises, guys, I hate.
And I'm like, well, why?
You don't know that his comics are going to be good.
And you're telling everybody it's going to be the greatest thing that ever happened to anybody.
And I looked.
You're pussing out right now. I'm not pussing out.
I've talked about this at length.
I looked at his page, okay?
And I went through all of it.
I read every little piece of material because I was interested to see what he was creating.
Yeah.
And I read all that.
And I said, well, this sounds bad.
And then I waited for it to come out.
And I was able to get access to, like, half of it.
I got to read the final half. But the half I read, I was like, yeah, it's fine.
Like, it gets there.
It gets the job done.
It's just.
Did you read the entire book?
Did you buy a copy of it?
I have not read the entire book.
So if in the final half it picks up, it becomes the greatest piece of comic fiction ever.
Fantastic.
Look, I don't.
You're saying it's not a $2 million comic.
So what's going on?
I'm saying it's a $2 million comic. So what's going on?
I'm saying it's a $2 million project that a guy got funded.
3.7 million.
3.7.
Absolutely.
I don't think it's the future of comic books.
I don't think, I don't think it has any real bearing on the comic landscape because I don't think it has legs.
Uh, I don't think the model he's putting out there, his whole thing, and you'll, you might
agree with him, is this idea that we're going to establish a parallel economy where we all, there's the mainstream or whatever it is.
I fucking hate the parallel economy shit.
Okay, he goes, there's the mainstream, and then there's us, and we're going to exist entirely in private,
and we're never going to interact with them.
We're just going to sell to our guys.
And I go, I think that's not a good idea.
I think the whole point of what Independents need to do is show
The mainstream which is naturally hesitant to new
Ideas they're like we just want to do what has made money
Traditionally we don't want to try anything new and if you offend
People we don't want to be a part of it
Okay well I'm going to do it independently and show
You that there is an audience for it and people love it
And they go fuck I can make money doing that
Yeah sure publish you know cyber
Frog with us probably like they just care about
Making money In the end
Even if they gotta ruffle a couple feathers
So my thing is, I think the whole parallel economy
Like, let's just sell to our boys
I go, I don't think that has legs
I think, yes, you're gonna have these big flare-ups
Of support, but at the end of the day
I agree
You gotta get Isom into comic shops
You gotta get Isom on posters, on billboards
Whatever, and I don't think you do that Just by, you can have a very You got to get Isam into comic shops. You got to get Isam on posters, on billboards, whatever.
And I don't think you do that just by... You can have a very healthy little niche.
You can be your own guy.
There's lots of independents who do it.
But I think if you really care about impacting culture and influencing culture,
you got to kind of shake hands with the other side of the aisle and convince them,
hey, work with us, make some with us.
Again, if you want to make a movie, you want to make an animated series,
you need a lot of fucking money.
And I don't think your guys, your little small-knit fan base can get it done.
But at the same time, I think that right now,
shaking hands with the other side of the aisle is nearly impossible
because, as Fox Day calls it,
the mainstream comic book industry has completely converged.
So there isn't an opportunity to shake
hands with the other side of the aisle.
They want to kill us.
What I'm saying is we're in the demonstration phase.
We're in the demonstration phase of
look at how much money we can make.
People want these stories. People want these ideas.
I think that's incidental.
I think bragging about how much money
we make is fun.
It's not even bragging. It's demonstrating.
They can see the dollar totals.
But we're doing it differently than them.
See, they'll sit there and they'll look at what I'm doing and what Eric July is doing and what you're doing.
And they'll say, yeah, but you're charging $25 and you're only putting the book out once a year.
This is like a brand new model.
So they can't compare it to it.
They can't relate to it.
My thing isn't about a parallel economy.
My thing is just being able to do what I want to do without having to ask permission.
So my thing is getting funding so that I can make the comic book story.
Ultimately, it's about the story and the story lasts forever.
It's not about putting out these pamphlets every single month to go in the garbage once people finish reading them.
It's about being able to produce the greatest story unchecked by social justice warriors,
to make toys without having to kiss Hasbro's ass, to make an animated series without having
to find animators that agree with my politics.
It's about being able to source the funding ourselves using our fans to make things.
Now, ultimately, yeah, I want to go in stores too.
I'm talking with a publisher right now.
I'm going to put Cyberfrog, once it's together and I've got about this much stuff,
I want to put out a novel.
I'm going to put it out in Barnes & Noble.
I'll get it out.
I don't care about the comic book stores so much.
They might go in there, but that's ultimately not where the books are.
The books right now are in Target.
They're in Barnes & Noble. You see those manga books. We need to start tailing our product to
be more like what those guys are like. But I see there's a lot of people congratulating themselves
and bragging about how much money that we're making. And the fans are doing it too. It makes
them proud that they contributed to Eric Gilles campaign, which raised three point seven million dollars.
They're basically saying, look, we matter as customers. We matter.
That's them talking. That shouldn't be you or me so much. It shouldn't even really be Eric talking like that.
It should be the customer saying, listen to us like this is our money talking.
This is the money that you're missing because you're spitting on us every day.
talking. This is the money that you're missing because you're spitting on us every day. Just like Bud Light did with this Dylan Mulvaney. Sorry, I know you're a big fan of this, but
it wasn't so much the trance. It was the initial thing of saying, you know what? We don't like
the people who support our product. We hate. In fact, we hate. And we think the people who
support our product are outdated. They need to go. We need to replace them with this bright new audience that exists
in our head. And on Twitter and on Tumblr, those are the people we want to, we'll feel better about
ourselves if they're backing our product. And there's a rage that comes with that from the
customer base, the actual customers who buy Bud Light, the actual customers who buy Marvel Comics,
who like Star Wars,
they're angry. They're absolutely angry. And so when they're saying, look, Cyber Frog raised $1.5
million. That's our money. That's our money that we put to making this product happen because
you're not listening. And that's a tremendous thing. I don't want it to be a parallel economy.
I'm not looking for this to be a permanent thing i'd like to see things change one day will things ever change that's where i disagree with eric
july is that and and again i think it is very damaging to other creators who are you know
surrounded by eric july when he's picking these fights and saying there's he'll say you know
there's no way to fix these companies we can't fix fix Disney. We can't fix the culture. The only thing we can do is create our own thing. And I say, well, that's cutting
you and everybody around you off from those guys. Cause they go, well, you've just declared
yourself as the enemy of these, again, guys who own the theaters, who own the means of
logistics companies, publisher, whatever. And I go, I don't want to be a part of anything
that says, you know, there is an enemy. I want to say, I think you guys are doing it wrong. I think you guys are making media that
really sucks and doesn't connect with people. I want to show you a way to connect with your
audience and tell stories that they like. And I hope you greedy, whatever the fuck company wants
to make a bunch of money by cashing in on whatever works goes, you know what, if you guys are making
money doing this and people are happy with it, yeah, we can try it and we can integrate it into
ourself. I think there's this, you know, I don't know what to describe it,
but there's very adversarial, you know, us versus them, and it's a lot of fun.
But at the end of the day, if you make yourself the enemy of the mainstream,
I think you're just cutting yourself off from ever being as big as you deserve to be.
I think some guy, I don't know Could have mainstream success
But you know
He's
I mean just
Let's say theoretically
The numbers are
Like all of it comes
Like I've drank more Bud Light
Than any fucking people
Involved in the boycott
Yeah
And I'm not bothered by it
Like it's like
The numbers that I always see
Tossed around
As though they're
Great for individual creators
But compared to like Mass Like the mass market as it is, it's like nothing.
Yeah.
And like if a couple like independent creators make money, that's great.
But I would rather know that like, you know, a hundred guys are getting comic jobs and
making a living from it.
We're building something bigger.
And I don't think you do that.
I think this whole, you know, us versus them, us versus the mainstream mentality mainstream mentality it only goes so far there's only so many guys to invest in that
you know and obviously a guy like eric july believes and you know the daily wire believes
it as well we can build our own networks and we can be our own mainstream and i go
all right man like if you think there's enough percent of your focus if that's what you're
gonna do no i think you can but it can't just be some side project. Like all caps comics and comics is 100 percent of my life.
Yeah. You know, this is it. This isn't like some side job to YouTube.
YouTube is an engine to promote all comics and cyber frog.
And my attitude isn't I'm an artist. I'm a creative person.
That's that's who I am. That's what I do.
an artist. I'm a creative person. That's who I am. That's what I do. And I exist to make CyberFrog because I want CyberFrog to be something that speaks of this time period. I don't think it's
going to last forever. So I'm in a different kind of realm and category as everyone else.
CyberFrog ultimately is like, you know, it's a story about what's going on right now to our culture,
hidden behind, you know, a story about aliens and, you know, superhero, super heroics and
survival and all of these things. And I think it's the, this is what we want to do right now.
This is what I want to do. I'm almost 50 years old. I don't know how much longer I'm going to
be able to draw, maybe another 20 years, I hope.
And I want to tell the story. I want to tell something that's meaningful, that is going to stand the test of time. A big, gigantic book. Robert Kirkman's got his Walking Dead legacy
that's tremendous. That's going to outlive him. That's going to stand the test of time.
Working on Spider-Man, working on Batman, working on Green Lantern forever, these disposable properties that we don't own that mean absolutely nothing
is a dead end career. Right now, at this point in time, I really think now is the time for
real creative people who are motivated by a vision, who want to talk about what's going
on in America right now, because we live in the weirdest period of time since the 1920s. In my opinion, we live in a fucking in the 1930s. We live in that
era. Like we, we had it so good, so easy, the 1970s, eighties, nineties, relatively, uh, you
know, peaceful time. And, and, uh, you know, ever since nine 11, there just seems to be so much turmoil and America seems to be collapsing and just creative ventures seem recycled and burdened by politics.
And there's so much to talk about and to use superheroes as analogies to talk about that stuff is important.
It's an opportunity to create something that could actually be a classic
comic book.
So that's what I'm aiming for with cyber frog.
I don't know about a parallel economy,
whatever serves the purpose of funding this comic book so that it exists is
ultimately what I'm all about.
And everyone around me who's doing the same thing.
I don't know if they share my goals.
I hope they do.
I think you've said that if dc
can't do that how about this one little adam sessler callback but i'm saying if dc comics
came to you and said ethan we want you to do a cover you would probably say yes you have not
written off dc comics and said i'll never work with them again or something like that well i
don't see i don't know why i would do that i don't know
why yeah i think the answer would be no thanks uh at this point in time i need to see some changes
happen in the mainstream i haven't written dc off entirely isn't that a change though wouldn't that
be you know like a significant we're willing to you know admit that ethan's a great artist and
we respect his abilities.
It's not even about me.
I mean, you know what I mean?
I don't need validation.
Literally, I know.
I don't know what that means.
I need validation from my audience.
And they do that by buying Cyberfrog.
I want validation not from my peers, not big corporations fuck them fuck them i want validation from the people who buy cyber frog and just you know look uh yeah we're
are we selling numbers spider-man numbers cyber frog 2 sold 26 000 copies at 25 a piece yeah that
is bigger than batman that's four times the size of a Batman graphic novel,
similarly priced. There is potential here to do great things. Um, now, now the money is,
so the money isn't a problem veto. Okay. So if that's the thing, the money isn't a problem.
Now the problem is a question of art. What do we do with the money? And I need to see,
I want to support creative people who actually have vision and who can take this idea that we're able to raise money through crowdfunding and create comic books that are more important and that are fun, that are for the fans and not spitting in the face of fans and that may stand the test of time, 20 years from now, when people look back at what comic books, what the culture was going
through in 2016 through 2023, okay, we want our comics to stand apart and above and say,
this is what happened. This is comic skate was the most important thing that happened
to comic books into pop culture in that time period. this is the result so that our books can either
be flaccid sort of
half-baked comics
or we can really get the best creative
people guys like Aaron Lopresti and
Graham Nolan and John Malin and Shane Davis
and maybe you Vito I haven't read
your book yet yeah you got a lot to live
up to after this speech
you better shut up
and get back to fucking editing your story
and shit. It's my first comic.
I think it's going to be good.
I think it's going to be great.
This is the most important time in comics
since the Comics Code in the 1950s.
This really is a door wide.
I think this is the most important time
right now. Independent
artists have access to so
many more resources and tools and tutorials and whatever else that everybody, like a kid sitting in his fucking basement.
I'm just going to take all this shit over with AI.
I don't care about any of this shit.
That is a problem.
I'm just going to fucking, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
There's little 16-year-old kids playing around on synthesizers making, you know, huge fucking songs that go viral.
It's like a fascinating time for independent creation.
like a fascinating time for independent creation. I think though, I mean, my belief is that the independence exists to at some point coerce the mainstream and to stop sucking, stop making shit
that sucks and, you know, mirror the great stuff that's coming out of the independence. I think
it's got to go. Is that why YouTube exists? Is that why, is that why you're here? Because it's
about time you got put on CNNnn or something like that your show belong
this is this is a parallel economy what you're doing right here uh is the same thing as what
eric july is doing and what i'm doing as well network television show no i no i agree with you
and well definitely dick masters i i absolutely love this i'm the new host of dr phil i've been
waiting to announce it.
I'm just going to replace him flat out.
That'd be phenomenal.
You know, we don't want the mainstream to change.
Maybe what all of this is,
is that the people are taking the power of media
into our own hands.
And maybe that's better than the idea.
You know, Marvel and DC are going to crumble.
They're going to.
Just like in cyber frog
the vespas uh alien hornets invade the world conquer it eat humans paper over everything that
they made uh and then declare the world belongs to them and it's like eventually it all crumbles
because they they're not building things they're just conquering devouring and sort of enslaving destroying eventually it all comes
apart because there isn't a creative beating heart behind it that's actually building so
i don't expect technology is coming is uh doing that too uh that's where i've been you know that's
where i spend all of my time uh web 3 as it pertains to creativity and content ownership, is a substantive and quantum leap from where we've been at for the last 20 years.
People will be unable to relinquish their data as they have been.
Web 2, where corporations host and own your data, is going away.
And you're not even going to know when it happens But it's People owning their data
Big corporations housing it
Will be technologically infeasible
Within five years I think
It'll hit hard too
And what do I do with that information?
You? Nothing
I don't know
I don't know what's going on
Alright what's your problem?
My problem
Thank you Ethan Why don't you go over to that link I right, what's your problem? Very good problem, Ethan. Thank you, Ethan.
Why don't you go over to that link I sent you?
Can you put up a video?
Okay, yeah.
I have a very important video from the Microsoft Corporation.
All right.
That is going to let you all know the best way to start a speech is this.
Real quick.
Hello and welcome to Microsoft Ignite.
We've got a big day ahead and lots in store for you.
First, we want to acknowledge that the land where the Microsoft campus is situated was traditionally occupied by the Sammamish, the Duwamish, the Snoqualmie, the Suquamish,
the Muckleshoot, the Snohomish, the Tulalip, and other Coast Salish peoples since time immemorial.
A people that are still here, continuing to honor and bring to light their ancient heritage.
My name is Allison Wines.
Well, that was very powerful.
That was all 46 seconds of all the Native American tribes that the Microsoft campus currently sits on top of.
I changed my mind with the time machine.
I'm just going to go back and have an Indian people call themselves the N-word,
so they got to say it in their thing.
Well, the N-words previously owned this land.
Ethan, were you able to hear that video?
No, I saw,
I heard no audio.
Oh, shit.
Well, what that was,
Ethan,
was the Microsoft woman
introducing
the number of native tribes
on which the Microsoft campus
currently sits,
including, what did she say,
the Muccaquash,
the Quafflefish,
the Halfifish,
Chickifwash,
and the Fuquah. The Chickopee. the half a fish, the chickapwash, and the fukuwa.
The chickpea.
This is a problem I am calling land acknowledgements.
Okay.
I think it is a very bizarre, strange, one in many of a long line of strange liberal
practices to try and make us feel better about something we had nothing to do with.
Yeah.
Now, while uncommon in Canada and Australia, land acknowledgement has begun catching on
in the United States.
So this is the problem
of Canada and Australia.
Thank you for
bringing that into us.
Again,
this is the idea that
Your guys did this,
liberals.
Are my guys.
Yeah.
They're not my guys.
Some of them are my guys.
You're pro-gun control
and anti-Trump.
Those guys did it.
Trump was very good on that He was great
He knocked it out of the park
Why doesn't he not just do stand-up comedy?
He'd probably make more money at this point
Trump is like the Harlem Globetrotters with women
Like if you put a woman out there for him to talk to
He's like
She was the Washington General
It wasn't the Crescent Clown To talk to He's like She was the Washington Generals Dude dude dude dude Dude dude dude dude
What's the
It wasn't the
Clown
He's like
You bet against
The Harlem Globetrotters
I thought the
Generals were due
Never put a woman
Up against Trump
What are you doing
Every time
And then they
Cut their hair off
Yeah
That was a disaster
And also a disaster
Is this practice
Dick
Some people Will even end Their emails Here I have an Email signature Yeah, that was a disaster. And also a disaster is this practice, Dick.
Some people will even end their emails.
Here I have an email signature from Christopher Hunt, a teacher librarian,
who at the end of his email chain gives his phone number, Twitter, Instagram,
and then the statement,
I acknowledge that I live and work on the unceded and traditional lands of the Stolo peoples,
particularly the H-Litch, Cheem, Kwakwa Haplet, Shahakzwe
Skokal, Squaw
Sawali, Squilia
Tajichan, and Taquinas
First Nations. I swear to god
This is real. It's like holy shit
Some Tingwang, we too low
That's what I thought but I think these are real
Imagine you send like an email
To your colleague and you're like hey look at this funny cat
Picture or something and then it's got this
Fucking thing attached to it
Isn't that more insulting
To Native Americans
That this is attached
To every inane
Stupid thing you email
Yeah fuck them
I'm gonna do
I'm gonna take every
Native American tribe
And list it in every email
I have
Every single tribe
This internet was built on
Well what's interesting
As one man mentioned
A lot of ceremonies
And events
And events
In his home city of New Haven.
Connecticut comes with the acknowledgement that they are in Quinnipiac land, even though the Quinnipiac have not existed for 150 years.
There is an Algonian confederacy of the Quinnipiac Tribal Council, though its leader, Iron Thunder Horse, is currently in prison in Texas for rape.
Rape, yeah, I knew it.
He's half Italian and was born William Coppola. prison in Texas for rape. Rape, yeah! I knew it! Projected to release in 2051.
He's half Italian and was born William Coppola.
So I don't know if that's
who you need to be acknowledging town of
New Haven, Connecticut. Is that Nicholas Cage?
I don't know.
Well, Dick, if you wanted help creating your own
indigenous land statement, here's a couple tips.
Ask yourself, why am I doing
this land acknowledgement?
If you're hoping to inspire others to take action to support indigenous communities,
you're on the right track.
But if you're delivering a land acknowledgement out of guilt or because everyone else is doing it, more self-reflection is in order.
I have a feeling most people fall in the second half of that statement.
Guilt?
I better do one of these or I'm going to get in trouble.
I don't think that broad cares at all about... She might care.'m gonna get in trouble I don't think that broad Cares at all about
She might care
I don't know I don't think she's talking about
Like it's a pet
It does that's the thing it comes across as
Demeaning as I
Was watching it
Territory this feels like it feels like bragging
Like I look at all these Native Americans
And we just like just knocked
Them off like they were nothing To set up a microsoft campus i would be so pissed off we
want to acknowledge the uh homo sapiens to whom this land used to i'd be like oh you fuckers
homos huh i bet they heard that one a couple times okay anyway what is our gaxlins are bragging about
all the human settlements they displaced we're not not going to go. Well, good.
I'm glad they've acknowledged us.
Thank you.
Again, this feels also just like a scam.
Like a lot of these things always wrap back around to don't forget to give us some money.
For instance, some factors you should consider when structuring your land acknowledgement.
Compensate indigenous people for their emotional labor. Too often indigenous people are asked to perform emotional labor for free so don't forget
to pay them a land acknowledgement alone is not enough it's merely a starting point how do you
plan to take action to support indigenous communities why don't you support indigenous
organizations by donating your time and or money i have the feeling the and or is doing a lot of work there.
How do I donate my time?
You know.
Every time I jack off, I got to say,
I'm jacking off on the land of the Iroquois and the Apaches.
I'm jerking off for the Quequas.
And the Fingalquas.
I have spilled my seed across the ancestral land of the Kwame Nopang.
And don't forget to commit to returning the land, Dick
They want it back
Local, Microsoft's not giving you the land back
Honestly, they can have it, take it
The property taxes
You know how much fire water you're not going to be able to buy
With those fucking property taxes?
Go for it, jackass
Point is, guys
I think this is another one of these silly short-lived
Well, you always say it's short-lived
You're like, eventually people are going to stop giving out their pronouns.
That's ridiculous, right?
Why?
And they're still pushing that fucking shit.
They're hilarious.
They're hilarious.
The chaos in you is like anything if it's funny to you is worth having.
Just try it.
You're such a fucking fuddy-duddy.
Next time you meet somebody go He him
He him
We should start
I want to start this podcast off with a land acknowledgement
And a pronouns every single time
Every time our guest comes on I'm going to go
And Ethan what are your pronouns
For the audience
Did I tell you
Did you ever hear my story when we were at the
The protest The Netflix protest
A Los Angeles Times reporter comes up to me
And she goes, yeah, I want to interview you for the LA Times
I'm like, okay, cool
And she goes, alright, what's your pronouns
And I went, I think you can figure it out
And she went, you have to tell me
And I said, okay, they, them
And she said, no
And then she said, no, give me your real pronouns And I said no give me your real pronouns I said you're not allowed to do that
You know if I say they maybe you have to use it and then she started to walk away
And I was like okay fine use he him then but like I thought the whole point was I get to choose at any point in
Time you have to answer correctly
Being a spy right answer then don't ask me at all then you already know
It's like being a spy If there's a right answer then don't ask me at all
Then you already know
But how many things do you already do that are like that
Like she comes up to you oh hi can you ask me a question
You go shut up bitch
You can't say that
For some reason
Yeah that's true I should be able to say that
Anyway guys my problem is land acknowledgements
I think again
It's just another in a long line of white guilt
Related rituals
That frankly
White guys
You don't gotta feel
So guilty about everything
Yeah
As we've discussed
Native Americans
You know
They're nice guys
Mostly
A little bit of
A little bit of cannibalism
A little bit of
Torturing kids
Yeah we don't like that
So the nerve endings
Were exposed
Is that a thing they did
Bro we did everything
Scalping was real, I know that
Yeah, that was like a day
That was like a before nine thing
Point is, look, we respect all indigenous cultures
Just do we really gotta
That's a bad idea
We respect all indigenous cultures, fine
Why do I always get in the weeds on this shit?
Anyway
What a problem
It's your white, like, whiteness.
It is my whiteness.
It's fucking dumb.
I constantly try to appease everybody, and they end up excusing moral problems.
Yeah.
Land acknowledgements.
I want to do that, though.
We should get a list of what land you live on before every show.
We should acknowledge it.
Let's find out which tribes owned your...
The Peanards.
Which tribes set up
The fucking shit pit
That you're currently
Dumping your
Human remains all over
That guy's name was Robert
The Roberts
You're currently
Your leaky pipes
Are leaking
Human refuse
They're not yeah
Onto the ancient
Ancestral lands
Of the Kwaminaka
Pack
And we would like to acknowledge that.
Quinnipiac probably.
Quinnipiac.
Quinnipiac were in like New England.
They got around, man.
I don't think they did.
I think, I don't think Native Americans traveled a whole lot.
They were like the black guys of Native America.
Dick, why don't you tell us again?
What are our problems this episode?
My bitch realtor.
Yes.
Women in Star Wars
Yes
And land acknowledgements
Guys, don't forget to vote on all the problems
At biggestproblem.show
And patreon.com slash biggestproblem
That's where you can go to help Dick
With his plumbing problems
Ethan Manchavvy, thank you so much for calling in
I laughed so hard, I had so much fun
Thanks a lot
I love you
We're gonna do some super chats.
It's up to you if you want to stick around. You started all of this.
How do you feel being like the godfather of all
this comic shit? All this comic drama is
hilarious. It's true, right?
I think it's good, man. I think people
should be allowed to make comics. That's it.
And it's wonderful. I agree. I tell you what,
Ethan, first of all, give us a plug for your
new book. Oh,
Cyberfrog Dark Harvest on Indiegogo.
Search for Cyberfrog Dark Harvest.
And then on July 4th, we'll be launching Cyberfrog 3 Red Extermination,
which is the sequel to the third book in the series.
This is Cyberfrog 2.
And thank you, everyone.
Thanks so much for the support.
We couldn't do this without you.
You make us look great all the time at all caps and
appreciate it. Fantastic.
That's awesome. And the stuffed animals,
if I buy one of Vito's stuffed animals,
can I pretend it's a cyber frog
stuffed animal? Ethan's looking at those
stuffed animals. He's going, I should have done stuffed
animals because they look so good.
I thought about it. Yeah, you should do
a cyber frog plush. It would be great.
That would be good about it. That would do fucking...
Yeah, he's going to do it.
Put it like Garfield.
Do it like Garfield where it sticks out the fucking window.
That would be pretty great.
That's a great idea.
The harvest was dark.
Oh, boy.
Dog on board.
Don't knock the stuff to it, man.
Everybody likes a good stuff toy.
That's the best.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right.
Thank you, man.
We're going to read Super chats now
It's up to you
If you wanna stick around
We'd love to have you
But if you gotta get out of here
We understand
I gotta go
Cause I gotta go
Be on another show
But I really really
Appreciate you guys
Thank you Dick
Big fan
Oh wait
Did you think
Did you think Vito's
Comic made more
Than you thought it would
Did it make more
Than you thought it would make
No I think Vito's
His campaign's gonna hit
Six figures
But it's gonna take
The entire 60 days.
So it does.
Six figures?
Counting the decimals or not?
Yeah, I think Vito, you can hit a hundred thousand.
You got to promote it.
The book really does look good.
I put a lot of work into it.
I'm very happy about it.
You got to apologize to Eric July too.
He should do that.
I think me and Eric July agree on some things.
Yeah, but don't look, We're all on the same side.
Eric July is just, he's really good at promoting his book.
He's good at promoting indie comics.
He's an excellent promoter.
$100,000.
Focus on that part.
It's not going to happen.
It's not going to happen.
Come on.
He knows.
Ethan knows.
Not you.
I'm going to go on a couple more podcasts.
We'll get a little bump.
We'll see what happens.
We were just saying, this has got to be 100% of your life to make this happen.
Stop fucking fiddling with paper.
You're getting told advice.
I want it to be 100%.
Honestly, I would rather be making comics than this stupid fucking podcast with this racist.
So, hopefully.
I'm just fucking with you.
Thank you, guys. I love this show. Thank you for having me on. Thank you, Ethan. Bye, guys. Thank you. Hopefully
Thank you, you said that in front of my hero. Oh, that's your favorite guy
Yeah, you and him can talk about how Frank Miller's art went off the rails or whatever
We didn't get on camera because the show didn't start correctly
Running I hope I pressed it Yes
Okay good
Super chats are coming in
Great
Get your super chats in now
Get your super chats in guys
I want to thank Ethan for coming on
Or else you are woke
Or else you
And that's the worst
Want to support the
Possible thing
Gay agenda
Stop it
If you
If we did that robot protest
100,000 easy
Yeah but then we'd piss off
Every writer in Hollywood
Again
I don't want to exist in a parallel economy
I would like to be friends with these guys
They do not want to be friends with you dude
I think they do and they just don't know it yet
Number one you have bad views that they don't want to be associated with
And number two you're more talented than them
Why would they want to be fucking friends with you?
Like, they fucking harvest their friends out of their toadies and lackeys
from UCB 101 all the way up to people who will throw five years of their life away getting coffee.
I get it.
I understand it.
Adam Conover sucks.
Look, I'm not saying they're the most talented people who ever existed,
but I also don't want to piss them all off
and have to hear about it forever.
It's not. It's a
joke that we're doing it
for robots' rights.
Like computers and stuff.
It's like, I've already pissed off all the right with
the pedophile stuff, and the only way to piss off the left
is with, you know, making fun of
unions. You know, that's
their version of pedophiles is union busters.
I'm going to get a doppelganger.
Of me?
Yeah.
Just get a guy who looks exactly like me.
That would be a good bet is trying to get Vito in trouble with a Vito impersonator.
Me and Josh Denny are going to go down there and he's going to say he's you.
They're going to go, oh, I'm with the LA Times.
Who are you?
I'm Vito Giswaldi, G-Y-S.
My pronouns are he, him.
All right.
Please don't do this.
Riley Edwards for 220.
You need Sean, the audio engineer.
Yes, we do.
Fuck you.
Britsman for a big 50 on the board by Allah, my brother.
Can we hear your call to prayer for the Killdozer 2?
I don't even know if it's loud enough now.
I think it's loud enough for them.
Killdozer!
You still building that thing? Killdozer 2 is evolution from Killdozer!
It goes like Pokemon!
I know. Charmander? Yeah. Men with evolution from Killdozer. It goes like Pokemon.
Charmander.
Man with plumbing problems getting fined
by city. Charmeleon.
Killdozer.
Charizard.
Charizard.
Then we go to Charizard EX.
Over here. This is
me like this.
But then evolving to kill those R2
with computers and things
flying around
four-wheel drive
traction control.
City council or whatever the fuck. We're gonna get
not killed. They're not gonna
freak them out a little bit.
Take their Pokemon cards, throw them
at them. Take out their Pokemon cards,
flip them over, mix in counterfeit Pokemon cards so they don't know!
And I didn't steal nothing!
Sir, there's an Islamic man threatening to build a war device on his podcast.
I know that the women only do this!
Give me your Pokemon cards!
I mix up counterfeit Pokemon cards!
You don't know which is good one!
Ruin the whole game!
This is not good.
Ruin the whole game!
Ruin the whole game! Which did not good. Ruin the whole game!
Which did?
Putting one counterfeit card in with your cards
will ruin your whole...
Because it makes you think
Allah, by Allah makes you think
a false card lies among my sheep and wolf clothing.
There must be an old woman in with all my six year olds.
I know I just wanna... You forgive me! There must be an old woman in with all my six-year-olds.
You forgive me. Yeah.
I don't know what they do.
They do this.
They do this.
I need a sneaker.
I need a sneaker to tell me.
They do this.
Islam goes like this.
It goes like this.
It goes like.
Yeah, all these. It's like a very Islam.
Hand down.
Hand up.
A smiley face.
I think that's like a three stooges.
Three stooges.
Sorry, Islam.
The haircut.
Three Islams is the name.
The Abed and Costello.
I don't think that was...
Abed and Mohammed and Costello.
Three stooges.
Mohammed, Mohammed, Mohammed.
Okay, I do want an Islamic three stooges now.
I would really enjoy that.
Just three prophets all goofing around
and poking each other in the eyes.
Okay.
Chubs for $12 Australian dollars.
Biggest problem is my BMI.
Can't get plastic surgery because I'm 5'6
and built like a brick shithouse.
Lose weight, you fat ass.
Well hung and dung for 5 GBP.
Show Ethan the picture of Super Killer kneeling on ice on stack.
He's apparently already seen it.
The whole world has seen it.
God damn it.
John Riff for 5.
Great show, guys.
Sorry we got all these questions for Ethan, but we'll relay them to him.
Ethan, will you draw the fatal fight between Super Killer and ISOM?
Vito asked me to ask you.
I did not ask you to do that.
Tamungo for 550 Canadian showed my girlfriend the show.
She only gets 20 minutes into it usually, so your little bits obscure the entire show.
Dick, Sitch, and Adam.
Vito.
Wait, did I get tricked? Vito too, I guess. No. That's. Dick, Sitch, and Adam. Vito.
Wait, did I get tricked?
Vito too, I guess.
No.
That's a real show.
Sitch and Adam. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, somebody told me to go on Sitch and Adam.
They always do it.
They do it Sunday during my show too, so I can't.
I'd love to go on there.
JJ for five.
Someone do a fan art of Super Killer taking care of that subway villain that was choked.
Yeah, Michael Jackson on the subway.
Do that.
Riley Edwards. Bitch, get over here, you bitch. No, no Jackson on the subway. Please do not do that. Riley Edwards.
Bitch, get over here, you bitch.
No, no.
Fucking ask me for money at the gas station, you fucking bitch.
What do you think that the guy who choked him out has now been arrested?
That's the breaking news as of-
He's going to fucking jail.
Yeah, you think?
Yeah.
Fucking New York just, I mean, you know, they're full of you guys.
Shut up.
Full of all sorts of people.
It's a melting pot.
Riley Edwards 550 says, Vito, your mic is not a meatball sub.
Move it back from your mouth.
No, shut up.
I think we fixed that.
LolNo for five, TCG player is full of PDF files.
Why is that?
My BPI to you is consumers That think they know more than they do
I'm going to blank your families
If you don't vote it up
Consumers, wow
Why did TCG players screw you?
Don't have to give me that story
Oops
Uh-oh
Dennis Dilwaid for a big $9.99
What did Dick and specifically Vito voted for at Giswalde
Think about Trump's incredible town hall banger
I said it
The man is a phenomenal
public performer.
And president.
The man is a phenomenal public
performer. And putting a
little woman up against him to go, well, actually
I think, and blah blah blah,
what were you thinking?
I don't think anybody can handle
Trump except like another comedian.
No, except for a retard.
Only Biden can handle Trump because he's
fucking retarded. And nothing that he
says makes sense. And he steals
elections. It's the only
thing that can stop Trump is stealing it.
He interrupts his flow with his weird, you know,
seniorisms. Because Trump is so consumed
with contempt and disdain that he
can't make points and he just comes off like
an angry asshole.
Well, James Gardner
Has contributed to this
This week's
Call to Prayer
With $19.99
Thank you
Call to Prayer for whatever
It's fun
And we made it happen baby
George Patomi for $10
There are Asian products
You can add to excess grease
That makes it congeal
Into a salad
That can be thrown
Into the trash
Oh
Wow
Also $10 to call
For the Call to Prayer
In Chalon
Just throw it in the trash.
That's what I do.
You're supposed to put it
in like a little bottle.
Like, put it in like
a plastic bottle.
And then I dump the bottle out
and I'm like,
well, the bottle's in there,
I guess.
Whatever.
Because something got messed up.
No fault of mine.
Let's see.
Ivan Nako...
Nakin my mouth.
Ivana cock in my mouth.
Ivana cock in my mouth.
But there's no T. Ivana cock in my mouth. Ivana cock in my mouth. For $a cock in my mouth. Ivanta cock in my mouth. But there's no T.
Ivana cock in my mouth.
Ivana cock in my mouth.
For $9.99, Vito, can dress on your comic that hasn't been made.
Thank you.
When it comes out, I will use AI to remake it in the style and politics of Eric July.
Go nuts.
We can also use AI to take realtors' jobs and give them huge ones.
Tits, he means.
Oh, last week I said tubby fair yeah that doesn't count i'm
almost willing to give it to him no the difference is ta or two two ta be fair does that count well
it was tubby fair no okay it's not like tubby pho either it has to be to be fair call guys but i did
it i do want to acknowledge.
Because it's the phrase.
It's not a bunch of things
that can make the phrase is fine,
but it can't be a slang version
of the phrase that you do not say.
It's Dick's call, guys.
He's the one making the final call here.
CG for five.
The incel to trans pipeline
completely legitimizes
Dick's greater trans theory vengeance.
I know.
I mean, it it does there are some
trans people who you guys need to start paying attention to me some free stuff and they will
say it flat out they don't know why they're saying it dude and then elliot page did you see that he's
like this is so freeing it used to be in the summer i'd have to worry about layers and showing
skin it's like so you're like did you do all this because you're just, like, ashamed of being naked? Yeah, kind
of. Like, you could just
be naked.
Yeah, I guess. But it's like a whole thing, I guess.
Oh, I guess when you're a woman, you can't be topless
because everyone's going to look at you, but now they
can just see your
sewed up skin pockets.
Okay. Are those still there?
Do they have any surgery to get rid of those scars?
Get rid of scars? That surgery doesn't exist that will get rid of scars. Okay. Are those still there? Do they have any surgery to get rid of those scars? Get rid of scars?
That surgery doesn't exist that will get rid of scars.
Okay.
Anyway, Dread Cloud
for two. Wait, did something break?
Carl from Aqua Teen tried
dumping oil in the woods. He did, and that's one of my
favorite episodes.
Ollie's Super Happy Fun Time channel for
$1.99 says
he just wrote it out. I'm not going to read it. Crum channel for $1.99 says, he just wrote it out.
I'm not going to read it.
Crumples for $5.50.
Canadian is yay being treated worse than Mel Gibson.
If so, is that racist?
I think they're being treated equally.
The difference is Mel Gibson didn't have a giant sneaker company to fuck things up with.
But if he had had one, they surely would have stopped selling Mel Gibson sneakers.
Mel Gibson was drunk, so he was treated unfairly because he was drunk.
Yeah, but Kanye's mentally retarded.
Isn't that worse?
That's what I was going to say next.
Yeah.
Mel Gibson's also very smart.
Yeah.
So he should have known.
Not to do it.
Yeah.
Whereas Kanye, I can go, oh, Candace Owens tricked him into being insane.
Yeah. And then Nick Fuentes helped
And Kanye West is black
And so
I mean
Jewish people have fucked over
Black people
Way more than
No
Way more than Australians
Way more than Australians
Yeah
That's a good point
I'm willing to accept that
Oh man
If I was black
I would have a lot to say
About this shit
If you're Australian
It's like
They didn't really do anything.
Sorry, mate.
I think your problem is with the British.
What was I going to say?
We haven't really talked about the big upset
of Milo taking over the campaign from Nick Fuentes.
If you talk to Nick in his time of need,
he must be devastated.
No, I don't talk to any of those guys.
I don't talk to any of them individually.
You use your studio, though. I know. I don't like bothering anybody. I don't really think I'd have talk to any of those guys. I don't talk to any of them individually. You should use your studio, though.
You don't have, you don't have to.
I know, I don't like bothering anybody.
Like, I don't really think I'd have anything to talk about with Nick Fuentes.
I'm an old man.
He's, like, young.
Plus, I'm kind of like a.
You're stupid, man.
You got to be a little concern troll.
Whenever something happens to somebody famous, I, like, send them a little DM, and I go,
hey, man, if you need to talk about it, let me know.
And you slowly worm your way into their life.
He's got enough worms.
And then Ethan Van Shiver eventually appears on the show
because I bother him on Twitter so often.
That's how you do it, folks.
I'm a better networker than Dick, I'm going to say.
Yeah.
I'm a bad.
I hate networking.
Yeah, you're not.
Actually.
But I got John from Fish Tank calling into my show on Sunday.
That's pretty good.
And you got George Alexanopoulos to show up on. Yeah.
How was that? Was that good? That was good.
Mike Hunt for two. Vito was making fun of your
stuffed animals too. Was he? Yeah.
Fuck him. What's wrong with them? They look great!
Why would anyone make fun of them? That's because you're not
selling enough. That's why. I don't care.
And you got like more shit to worry about.
I am gonna go to
comic conventions and I'll have all sorts of fun shit
for people to buy. It's fun.
You're going to have a stuffed animal pit where people are going to be like,
I'm swimming in fucking Beck or whatever.
I'm swimming in super killers, yes.
Oh, I saw him.
He's kneeling on my neck.
I'll put it this way, okay?
All right, when this comic takes off, we get the animated series, we get the movie,
you're going to be so happy that you bought a limited edition first run super killer plush toy
that will never be made available again it's gonna be a fucking uh my $500 yeah oh shut up
that's different my account for two is veto comics gate now no i refuse you're not i don't belong to
any group okay you get involved with the group okay so you're part of the gay lords is that After
The fucking proud boys I have learned
You don't affiliate with anything
It doesn't matter what it is
Why the proud boys? The proud boys were fun
At first
Just a bunch of guys dicking around being like
Antifa sucks
They're a little bit gay in that way
But like I understood the spirit
Of it yeah okay And then all of a sudden some you know weirdos No masturbating. They're a little bit gay in that way, but I understood the spirit of it. Yeah, okay.
And then all of a sudden, some weirdos come along, and they turn into a white supremacy thing,
and you're like, well, goddammit, I don't want to be a part of this anymore.
Yeah.
You join a group once, you don't know where the group's going to go.
You don't know what's going to happen to it.
And then for the rest of your life, you've got to answer questions about,
were you in the KKK?
And you're like, it was the 1960s.
It was fun back then.
That's what happened to Lucille Ball.
Well, because she was a communist, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
She was a communist when it was fun.
And it didn't count.
It was fun in 1913 when they were murdering white people.
That was about it.
And then it's been a slow decline ever since.
Even identifying as a Democrat or a Republican,
you don't want to be associated with things.
Yeah.
So let's just say I understand what Comicsgate's doing,
and I'm glad people are making comics.
Are you going to live up to that rant that Nathan said?
No.
No.
No. Can't even pretend
Like for a week
Or something
Look
I'm gonna make
The best comic I can make
He said $100,000
He's not gonna make
$100,000
Not with that attitude
Maybe
Why can't you have
Like a positive attitude
About it
Cause I
At a young age
I was told
To expect
That the Giswaldi family
Is cursed
And to expect the worst
Okay
And I've
Held that with me
You got told that in a rhyme
Yes
It was a fun rhyme
Expect the worst
Is that your family credo
Like the fucking Bundy
I was told
That we are destined
For failure
And it has played itself out many times across my family lineage.
So I just go into everything with the worst of belief, you know.
But you already like succeeded.
Oh, it can all.
I'm going to be like Boogie.
I told you what Boogie told me.
I think you fetishize failure.
I think everybody does.
No.
It's like what Boogie told me.
I don't like what's happening to me.
Speaking of which, I have to bring up Boogie real quick.
But Boogie told me, because I was like,
he's like, my life is a failure, everything's
over, whatever. And I went, well, Boogie, you've had
great success. You've had more success than a lot of
people. You still have, you know,
a semi-popular channel. You can stream
and get people watching and donating money. I think a lot of people yeah i'm like if you're such a failure why have you
done so well at parts in your life and his answer was oh god gives me those things just to take them
away and i'm like well then you'll never then everything is just a setup for something worse
he's gonna get the chiclets knocked out of his mouth. It's going to be like if I filled my mouth up with white chiclets and then spit them out.
Boogie's going to have about 70 teeth when he's done with that fight.
You think Wings is just going to dominate?
Isn't Wings like 10 years younger than Boogie too?
And a foot taller.
Is he a foot taller?
He's much taller.
Yeah, Wings is going to, it's not going to be good.
You can't just go, Oh, it's two fat guys
Like, yeah, there's still like
Height differentials
A big one
I wanna know
Did they measure the
The arm span?
They measured
Who can
Who can't see their dick the most
They had a fucking surveyor come out
And do a telescope down their gut
Tomorrow is the big boogie
Wings of Redemption fight.
Ralph is restreaming it.
I'll be watching that.
Yeah, you can watch it on the Killstream or whatever it'll be.
So you're putting in your money.
Can we bet on it?
Is there anywhere to bet?
You can bet me.
Yeah, but I want to bet it for Wings now.
You're making some really good points.
I will say this So Keemstar
Is trying to get a podcast started
With Boogie2988
Wings of Redemption
And a third guest host
I have direct
Messaged Keem and said
Put me in this podcast
And I will make it a success
And he has said,
get your people talking about it and we'll see.
Okay.
So I am in the running to be the third chair of the so-called low cow podcast.
What are you going to bring to it?
I can keep these guys from,
I can keep boogie from killing himself.
I know how to monotonously manipulate him into that.
Oh,
okay.
That's a big part of it.
I didn't get any other guy.
He's not going to know how to keep him going.
Yeah, I know how to uplift his spirits.
Okay. Alright. Also,
I just bring actual
funny, man. I bring comedy.
A lot of podcasts fall apart
because... When are you going to do that in this show? I don't know.
One of these days.
If you would like to see me on the Lowell Cow podcast...
Press one.
Press one in the chat. If you'd like to see me on the Lol Cow podcast. Press one. Press one in the chat.
No.
Send.
If you'd like to see a Conway 20 joke.
DM Keem.
If you see Keem or anybody else talking about this podcast, you tell him Vito's the right
guy.
Yeah.
Because Boogie was supposed to do a podcast with me.
I told him after I'm done with the campaign, I'll have some free time.
We can figure out a podcast.
Now he's doing it.
Now he's a big fighter guy.
Not done with the campaign though.
Well, I got it launched.
That was the big part
But didn't you hear the whole thing like you gotta concentrate
Only on this thing and do it like
Harder
I'm doing it pretty hard I'm doing stuff
Behind the scenes that I'm not telling you guys about
Like what
I made a bunch more pages for the artist
I'm talking to I got an editor now who's helping me out
Alright
Stuff's getting done
So what should we do if we want you on the Lowell Cow podcast Nothing who cares you know what I'm talking to, I got an editor now who's helping me out. All right. Stuff's getting done. All right.
So what should we do if we want you on the Lowell Cow podcast?
Nothing.
Who cares?
You know what?
Because every time I bring up anything, it's always, I'm not working hard enough on my comic.
I'm a piece of shit.
So you know what?
Just fuck it.
Who cares?
Are you guys going to talk about what you ate?
Are you going to live up to Ethan's big, no, I'm not.
Okay.
I'm going to fuck it up.
Just let me fuck it up.
Stop putting this pressure on me.
I don't care.
I just want to make a fucking comic.
I don't want to be the savior of the fucking human race.
Well, get some money, man.
Okay, let me have my little stuffed animals
and my little lunchbox and my fun.
And again, I just want to-
You can say, Ethan Van Cyver said this would make $100,000.
And then you hit them with that.
All right. Throw it out. them with that. All right.
Throw it out.
Clip that.
I think it'll make six figures.
Wham!
We'll see what happens.
Do a press release.
Get Forbes to run that one.
I think my...
Boom, six figs.
VG.
We'll see what happens.
I'm very excited.
Superkiller.org.
Find a link to the Indiegogo.
All right.
KingN64 For $2
Says
God I hate YouTube
Censoring words for superchats
I'm sorry
Me for 4-1-2-0
Says 2
Oh for $2
He tried to do the $2
Leading into a be fair
Be fair to superkiller fans
Make the crossover
Okay
Smackdab for 5
Thank you
KingN64 for 10
Dick Vito and Ethan
Are you gonna watch Boogie
Get his behind
Kicked by wings
Though TBF
Either of these fatties
Can wuss out
By the way
I can't say fat
In the super chat
Jesus Christ
Really
You can't say fat
Say lard ass
Yeah
You gotta come up with
Some clever workarounds
I guess
Cody McGoakface for five
Did you guys see
RA the rugged man
Almost kicked Tim Pool's ass
TBF it was hilarious That was a while ago right I don't know Yeah that was an old clip Cody McGoak, face for five. Did you guys see R.A. the Rugged Man almost kicked Tim Pool's ass?
TBF, it was hilarious.
That was a while ago, right?
I don't know.
Yeah, that was an old clip.
I think he was just trying to get me.
Claptrap to Destroyer for ten.
Vito's first comic is definitely one of the comics of all time.
Nice.
It's going to be good.
Ethan said it looks good. He knows it looks good.
He likes my artist.
He said it looks good.
I think these guys are trying to steal my artist, honestly.
Not Ethan, but other guys.
I actually had one guy reach out to me.
He's like, is he available?
I'm like, no.
Leave him alone.
He's my guy.
Yeah.
Fuck you.
You should say he's a huge pain in the ass.
He's a huge pain in the ass.
He's impossible.
Yeah.
And I have to pay him $1,000 a page.
Yeah.
You can't afford him.
MikeHudfor5 protesting as robots demonstrates excellent writing.
Thank you.
Just get fucking what's his name to do with it.
I'll get Josh Denny to do it.
I'm going to say it's Vito Giswaldi.
Don't say it's me.
I want nothing to do.
I can do whatever I want.
You're supposed to,
but Josh Denny wants to film some other thing you texted us about.
Did you get that text?
Probably.
Okay.
Pop quiz for 99 Dick.
You should donate your land.
The land, your house is onto Native Americans. I am Native American.
Me, 04120
for two. Dick Masterson, the he-him of the
Suspit Tribal Lands.
Cara Froh, moderator of the Stars,
for $20, going straight towards
your leaky piped dick.
Your leaky pipes. It's Friday night,
Cara. Thank you, Cara.
Don't threaten me with a good time and you with a bad time. She's going to help those leaky pipes. It's Friday night, Kara. Thank you, Kara. Don't threaten me with a good time and you with a bad time.
She's going to help those leaky pipes get all tightened up.
Wow.
Pop sculpture.
Don't tighten them up.
Okay.
Pop sculpture for two says, don't forget the thing I sent in for Vito.
Oh, shit.
Is it nearby?
Yeah.
Uh-oh.
Am I going to like it or am I gonna hate it? Great
Okay, wait we have presents
I gotta bring the metal. Do you have that metal by the way? We got to show that off
I did I showed it off on my show. Here's one
Well, let's put I want to show it off on this show cuz I haven't seen it yet
I feel bad cuz he made him for us
And we did actually was trying to downplay it because I thought you lost yours.
No, I have two of them.
Now that you have it.
This was the official Dick and Vito We Like Jokes medallion.
I know it's not going to focus.
Put it on yourself.
There we go.
And on the reverse is probably the more incredible side.
It has this incredible relief portrait
Of uh
Yeah that's cool
Look at that
Wow
Me looking
With the Netflix logo
We knocked it out of the park
So we each have a medallion
I should have wore it when we got back from Philly
And then the front looks like this
And what's the guy who gave us those?
He's a good guy
Although I think he was also the guy heck gave us those? He's a good guy.
Although I think he was also the guy heckling me at the show.
Yeah, so fuck him.
I mean, he kind of made up for it.
Oh, look at this.
This is great.
These are my fake.
Oh, wow.
I finally have one.
You don't have to plug in your seatbelt seatbelt extender.
Yeah, that's so wearing your seatbelt is more comfortable Yeah
No it's so I don't have to wear a seatbelt at all
Right it just goes in
Although they have ones that have
I'm not going to nag this one but have you seen the ones that have
A beer bottle
Opener on the other side
When you're really a fucking redneck
You need a lot of road sodas aren't you
Yeah alright Alright. Type
R. Type R. Well, thank
you. Now I don't have to wear my seatbelt ever again.
And hopefully I
flee this mortal coil
straight through the windshield and onward to
eternity. Okay, wait. Hold on.
Was there a note? Okay, yeah. Here's
another one. I think there might be. Here's
another one. Read first. Read that.
Hey, Dick and Vito.
Recently had the chance to meet in person a celebrity that was sort of on your show.
Taking advantage of the opportunity, I decided to get you guys something special from him
and used the moment to ask what they thought was the biggest problem in the universe.
Their response was just one word.
Respect.
The reboot thus far has been fantastic, and Vito has proven himself to be the perfect
replacement for a certain bald Armenian maniac.
Keep up the great work
Thanks for not killing yourselves and a general reminder for Vito a Joe has got to feel comfortable all the time
from Colton s
Do on what has a Joe a Joe needs to feel comfortable? Oh, yeah
No, no, oh no, oh no, no, yeah. Uh-oh. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.
What is it?
Do you know what this is?
No.
This is a signed Sergeant Slaughter G.I. Joe pop figure.
Oh, my God!
That's right, Vito.
Drop and give me 20 reasons.
Oh, my God.
Drop and give me 20 reasons why that figure should be taught to young children as LGBT.
Are you kidding me, dude?
You know how many of those things you can fit up your ass, Vito?
More than one.
Sergeant Slaughter or Sergeant Fred Slaughter has signed this Yo-Jo to Dick and Vito.
Yes.
Look out, Cobra.
Well, look out for Cobra.
And this is a 2022.
Stands for CIS organization
of bullies
and
Republicans
aggressors. That's right.
Cobra. Gotta watch out for Cobra.
Well, next.
CIS organization of Republican bully
aggressors. I think next episode we have to Of republican bully aggressors I think next episode
We have to bring in
That Transformers clip
Stop and give me
20 reasons why
That shooter's manifesto
Should not be released
Vito should not be released
Stop it Fred
Fred come on
I can't believe
We got a science star
That's so stupid
Yes good good good
Let me see.
How are the forearms?
I like the forearms chiseled down to the bone.
Those are chiseled forearms on there.
That means it's a real man.
Wow.
Only a real man would go through a surgery that cuts your arms off to make you a new dick.
That's what I'm saying, Vito.
Look, we live in a world of many confusing horrors, Mr. Fred.
There's a lot going on.
Thank you for helping keep Joe's comfortable.
We got to display that.
Look at that.
There's another one, too.
There's another present.
It's the real Sarge's.
How is there another present?
I don't know.
What is going on with this show?
Well, thank you again.
I believe that was Colton.
We like Colton.
Colton's always in the chat, right?
Oh, yeah. Okay. Was that that was Colton. We like Colton Colton's always in the chair Was that Colton?
Yeah here
Okay, lift it lift it up and over careful with this fucking careful
This is credible
What oh my god, I said careful and you're shoveling it out like a fucking animal.
It's just one in here, right?
Yeah, I think so.
We have a three.
Is this 3D?
This is sculpted.
No, this is like modeling clay.
It's definitely 3D.
No, I think this is like.
No, it's sculpted.
Yeah, it's sculpted like clay.
Pop sculpture.
The person that told you to open the present made it.
Look at that.
That is my character back Beck, from Super...
Wow.
Also, that woman that you're all...
Shut up.
The woman that died.
Yeah, my dead friend.
Look at that.
Yeah, that's why they made it.
Now it's immortalized.
I'm going to put this in a jar.
Is it cum-proof, Pop?
I don't think I should... Is it lacquered? I think... For cum-resistant? I don't think I should
Is it lacquered?
I think
For cum resistant?
I don't think it has enough
What do you call it?
Yeah, I don't think there's enough
Gloss on there to keep it
Safe from my juices
This is incredible
I'm gonna have to license this out
And make a run of these
Jesus Christ
This is monetizable here
Focus it
You wanna get it up close to the camera?
Yeah, sure
That's genuinely very nice of you
Thank you very much
And you know
Oh my god
That's so good
Watch this
Stop it
Oh fuck me Vito
No
No
Oh
Oh why am I doing this?
Wow This has been a night of presents for me Oh, why am I doing this? Wow.
This has been a night of presents for me and you as well.
Okay.
Wow.
Thank you so much.
Who was that again?
That was three.
What's his name?
Sculptor guy.
Pop sculpture.
Sculptor guy was the name.
Sculptor guy.
Well, thank you, pop sculpture.
Wow.
Colton S.
Thank you.
I'm blown away.
And Colton S. as well and oh my god everyone else
who uh either gave money or gave nothing you got outclassed well giving money is ungrateful
compared to these presents so people who super chat about it just think about it appreciate all
them as well i'll tolerate it but bill pans for shut up you got embarrassed 499 says praise Allah
Riley Edwards says thanks for another great show five trap to destroyer for five this is for dick
to lay new pipe thank you pipes here for two koof i put your sticker on my uh my tv error in the
middle every morning no i put it on my TV covered in stickers.
Thank you for not killing yourself
sticker. Thank you. LPDirtyT
999. Para Sergesto.
I just want a banana sticker.
Vito. Dream big.
Maybe I will. I've got a cock in my mouth for
199 since my pronouns are 9 slash
11. 9-11!
Can you get in trouble if you do that
in school?
I would do that Procterist for five
I forgot to vote this week
Does kill my whole family include me or no?
Yeah, you gotta kill
No, just the rest of your family
Because we need you to vote on the next episode
Kufortus says I love your shirt
Show their credit cards and subscribe to the Patreon
This shirt is actually from Into the AM
One of my YouTube sponsors
I tried to get
Sponsor our show
And they offered
$15 an episode
So
Hey
Let's take it
I mean that's a plug right
Did I just make 15 bucks
Yeah
You're giving it away
I think I have to convince them
The podcast monetization
Is different from
YouTube monetization
Drunk and Atheist
Studio for $6.66
Bud Light
Bud Light is some people's
Hogwarts legacy
And that is lame as fuck
And Verico for a big $7 Canadian
Dick, show me the list of our top supporters
You know I love them
We had a great show
It doesn't work, it's not connected
Well, we'll fix that later
Next week, I want to thank the great Ethan Van Shiver
For coming on, promoting again Cyberfrog
Available on Indiegogo
Alongside Superkiller.
I can't believe this.
Also available on Indiegogo.
I cannot believe we have a signed
Sergeant Fred Slaughter figure now.
And a special gay case for pop punks.
I have a feeling that next week
Sergeant Fred Slaughter will be appearing
as I had a clip that we did not have time for
on tonight's show.
But we'll get into that.
Thanks to everybody.
Don't forget, vote on all the problems at
Biggestproblem.show bonus episodes available
At patreon.com slash
Biggest problem goodbye
Bye everybody
Oh yeah
My mouse is all fucked up again
There it is maybe I'm not pressing it down hard
Enough I don't know man why don't you just buy another one
No this works
A hundred thousand I don't know man, why don't you just buy another one? No, this works
Ugh
A hundred thousand?