The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 9 - Taking the Red, White and Blue Pill

Episode Date: September 6, 2021

Hospital Pricing Transparency Non-Compliance, Holocaust Metaphors, Simulation Theory, The Pledge of Allegiance

I'm like, well, I think my animal's dying. And they're like, oh, that sucks. That happens. Go to an emergency room and pay three times the price. Go to a pet store. Yeah. Just get another one. There's plenty of them.

All right. Are we ready? Oh, let me just do that just to be fucking sure. Go to a pet store. Here we go. Oh, yes. Drink that up. Biggest problem in the Universe to communist aspirations. I'm your host Dick Masterson. Joining me as always is Vito Giswaldi.

What's up, Vito? How you doing? I think that was almost flawless. That was pretty good. Now I've lowered it down so we can banter over it. Holy, dropped the levels. Did you do any far parking today? I parked a little bit away.

How far? I looked at your driveway and I said, I could probably squeeze in there, but... I was just far parking. there but thank you thank you for doing that today has been rough enough already yeah i don't want you to have to try and get your so today have been your your doggy problems they don't they don't tell you they don't tell you how much fucking dogs the maintenance of dogs cost yeah you just figure all it's two grand and then whatever but it, occasionally I got to pay 50 bucks for something. It doesn't cost that much to keep me alive. No, it really doesn't. I just, I had COVID.

I just took an online test and that was it. Yeah, five years or probably longer. And you're perfectly healthy. I'm the healthiest guy you'll ever meet. All right, here we go. You want to see who won last week? Thank you for joining us. Biggestproblem.show, patreon.com slash biggest problem. Here we go from last want to see who won last week? Thank you for joining us.

Biggestproblem.show. Patreon.com slash biggestproblem. Here we go from last week. Let's see who won. Payment processors. Yeah. I was kind of surprised by that. You're surprised I won?

No, I won with payment processors. Yeah, I'm not surprised. I think that was an easy W. You know what? You didn't do a very good job arguing it. What, I got to say? I'm supposed to come down on it? Yeah, because like this guy said, without payment processing, how could I get any money from anybody? Yeah.

Like, it's also a good thing, because how else could you buy stuff online? But the problem is, it's a complicated problem. Yeah. I think it's just easy to go, you know, the banks, the payment processors. I thought you were going to say something else. Culinary. Certain groups. Certain, no.

Culinary gatekeepers. Culinary gatekeepers is no good. It got a lot of votes, though. You don't have the vote total, no. No. It was up there. Yeah. I don't bring in vote totals

because i like everyone to think like imagine like a lot of votes yeah hundreds of thousands yeah exactly exactly 81 million vote wow i can't believe that they must be faking it they would say there's so many i know that not that many people are into these guys obviously look at them they must be faking it there's no way 81 million people voted for them. Whatever it was, right? Millionaire Socialists came in then after that. And then Goth Erasure, which is a shame because it was a funny problem. It's a great problem.

But it didn't have the votes. I'm okay with having those problems that, you know what? I think they're going to stick with people because you can continue voting. Oh. I think across time, people are going to have it stuck in their head. You know what? Goth erasure is a problem. So when Bitcoin takes over and there's no more financial sector,

traditional financial sector, payment process is going to be voted down. It's no longer the biggest problem. But the big titty goth girlfriend is only going to be more mythical. Well, she's spreading your bitcoins on, Dick. Come on. Good point. That's all you want. I got some comments here. Do you have any comments?

No. Should I bring it? I should bring in comments, huh? I mean, you kind of answered that quickly, which makes me think you considered putting in the work of doing comments and then decided not to. No, I didn't know. You seem to curate them, you know? Uh-huh. You probably curate them in your favor

i don't no you don't you go both ways no i i learned from all maddox's mistakes yeah to not just uh edit out the parts where you sound like an idiot yeah yeah and to not make you look too bad yeah you gotta you want to be uh as i like to say, to be fair. You got to be fair. I got something for you. I suck, Cox. Yeah, I do. How's that? You said it.

Somebody found you saying it cleanly. That is not me saying it. To be fair, listen. Instead of saying to be fair. I suck, Cox. Perfect. I suck, Cox. That's perfect.

You can play that in a court of law. I suck, Cox. Who's talking right now? Who's the recording? I'm so proud of this job. I suck cocks Who's sogging right now? Who's the recording? I'm so proud of this job I suck cocks Oh my god You're gonna get a better one at some point

Of what? Of me saying A certain phrase Okay Dear Diary What the fuck you guys Expect me to live According to the same values

That I think Should be forced on everyone else Millionaire socialists Yeah good point Ryan Dunn His son Also makes a lot of his money from watching other people's YouTube videos on stream. He does, yeah. And then commenting on them. That's a weird grift is just sitting there watching someone else's content while you have two million people watching. Yeah. And you're complaining about Jeff Bezos making money off your work while you're watching other people's work and they're

not making money off of it and it's not like you're the hell is that Hassan's getting what like probably thousands of dollars an hour he's not passing that on to anybody whose videos are making up the bulk of his content you think he like did he's it out yeah juices communist well I made share his wealth for I got one blowjob from AOC after that stream so I'm gonna go and Divvy's it out? Should maybe use his communist to share his wealth, perhaps? I got one blowjob from AOC after that stream, so I'm going to go and give everybody who videos we watched a tenth of a blowjob. You think that's how he should do it?

I think that the workers of the world unite, YouTubers of the world unite, and to man, Hasan, stop watching your content without kicking a few ducats in the bucket, man. Half a blowjob over here. Come on. You got your dick sucked today, son. I don't like that. I don't like that. I think that is a little...

I saw him tweet. This guy over here is tweeting that I'm bullshit, but Jeff Bezos makes all this. Like, well, you're using his thing. Yeah, you're doing the same thing he does. It doesn't make it okay. Tom Bumley. Somebody should let the culinary appropriation

maniac know that a lot of Asian food originated in Europe to begin with. Even shit we think of as ultra Asian like salmon sushi. Do we think of salmon sushi?

Yeah, I guess so. Originated in Scandinavia. It's largely made with imported Norwegian salmon in Japan. Yeah, and salmon's like the most popular

sushis. Except for like the California roll. I mean, all the most popular sushi. Is that popular in Japan? They like tuna. I think tuna's the big thing for Japan. Devin McPhee, Gotha Razor is the funniest problem yet.

Thank you. Well, I'm not done yet. Uh-oh. You don't know if you should feel good about that compliment jumped again r-o-f-l-m-a-o now how do you feel about that compliment these guys still still acronyming out the whole thing uh did you happen to see the new pride flag that dropped no the raptor the ford raptor the what gay ford raptor you didn't see this well you brought in too many pride flags and here's the here's the gayest the worst pride flag of them all look at this okay

oh god what do you think you know too many pride flags there i think you're on the wrong image right now there we go that was don't mind everyone. That's just something I look at. People doing Roman, kids doing Roman sleuths in black and white. Just a little bit of my Thursday reading. Ford created a very gay Ranger Raptor in response to an online trial. Okay. Yeah, I believe that.

What is the... In response to what? Your car is gay? And then they made a gay car? What is this story? Who this called a car who's called a ford gay i don't know man i don't know how this came about a mexican dude rolling down the street with all his lawn with all of his fucking leaf blowers in the back gay no um they've added gold to it yeah i was gonna say the gold is not part of the rainbow. That's Liberace pride up here. Oh, no.

And then they add the, see, the front has just pride stuff, right? Yeah. But then on the doors, they added the trans stuff. And on the back, they added black and brown. They got to get every fucking color. Here's the question. If you drive the gay car, are you allowed to burn out on the rainbow crosswalks uh yeah because the tires yeah um they leave so much jizz on they just leave white white streaks looking streaks oh my god well thank you thank you ford for uh yeah too much pride

voted up it's getting out of hand i really forgot how much fun this show is because when I saw that, my first instinct was to get angry, but then I just thought, too many pride flags. Vote it up. Too many pride flags. Vote it up. It is really fun on Twitter. Vote that shit up.

Don't think that we don't see you on Twitter when you're like, hey, here is. Like, I keep getting people like, I got a blue alert yesterday. Yeah. And it's fun. We retweet as much of that as we can. You can follow us on Twitter, the B-P-I-T-U. Oh, yeah.

Okay. Are we ready for some problems? I think so, Mr. Winner. Thank you. Why don't you take us in? Why don't you win one? There's a lot of pressure to go first. Because you keep bringing these easy wins, I think.

Okay. I dig a little deeper. Okay. How's this for an easy win? All right. Hospital price transparency noncompliance. Yeah, that sounds like a win. It sounds like something people could get upset about.

I just, look, Medicare, medicine is a big, health is a big topic. Yeah. And I wanted to make sure it's only, this is the problem that we're voting on because this is the worst one. This is the worst part of it that makes all the rest of it fucked. Yeah. All right? And I'm going to explain why.

Hospital price transparency noncompliance. All right? 80 million Americans with medical debt. That's, I don't know. Wow. That's a lot, right? That's a lot. Wow.

I think you would have heard of that before, right? Yeah. If you get cancer, you're going bankrupt. It's the number one cause of bankruptcy. Oh, that sucks. Yeah, it sucks. So if you have cancer, just spend all your money. Do they have cancer insurance?

Can you get cancer? They should. I mean, you have medical insurance. Does Marlboro offer? If you get enough points, they'll pay for it. If you get enough points, you'll pay for it. If you get enough points, enough Marlboro points, you can get a free chemotherapy session. Okay, this is how hospitals figure out how much they charge you for something. You come in, you do the thing, and then they see what insurance you have

and then say, okay, that was $80,000. Or, oh, okay, that thing was $8,000. Right. And then they charge. After you've gotten the treatment. Yeah. After you've gotten it. Like nothing000. Right. And then they charge. After you've gotten the treatment. After they, yeah. After you've gotten it. Like,

like nothing else. Yeah. It doesn't work that way anywhere else. You don't get a cheeseburger at a restaurant and then after they serve it to you,

they go, how bad are you? Oh yeah, that'll be 50 bucks. Yeah. I gotta measure your BMI. So you want some fries with that? Yeah.

You look very down bad for these fries, buddy. So Trump said, you guys have to say how much this shit costs. You can't just say, like if people are going to compete, like you got your gas app, right? Yeah.

You put in, I need to stop for gas on the way home and it goes, blop, and it says like, oh, this gas is, well, okay, well, this is California.

It says, oh, four bucks a gallon over here, three bucks a gallon over here. Everywhere else in the country, it's probably $1.80 over here, right? I don't think that's... $2.20. That's how it works. Oh, absolutely.

I'm going to go over there. They said you have to display files on your website containing gross charges, payer-specific negotiated charges, discounted cash prices, and de-identified minimum and maximum negotiated charges, discounted cash prices, and de-identified minimum and maximum negotiated charges. So everything. Everything you guys are charging for everything

and you have to display at least 300 shoppable services that someone coming to the hospital can schedule in advance. So if you say, I'm going to get a colonoscopy, they have to have on there this is how much a fucking finger up your ass costs at this hospital versus we don't stick our finger up your ass costs at this hospital versus we don't stick

our finger up your ass in any more specific more comfortable we don't have the doctor with the most thinnest fingers right it's not oh it's ten dollars for a colonoscopy vibrating finger it's better than any other you're gonna be seeing dr gorilla fingers over there he's the only one that does it and you will knock 10 bucks off it no just put up the prices how many how many hospitals you think complied with that zero one two five and a half They were supposed to do it this year because Trump said Dude, you can't have anything if people can't see how much anything costs until they after they've done it you fucking idiot There's what tens of thousands of hospitals in America. Yeah

80 Million people in medical debt the one thing thing they could, the one thing they had to do, you guys got to put your prices up on a digital form so we can make an app so you can go, okay, I got to go in. I'm having a heart. I think I'm having a heart attack. Where can I go if I think I'm having a heart attack? Oh wow. Oh no, no. Oh, up over there. Okay. Up in the area where every, no one has insurance. I'm going to go over there. Up where there's no Medicaid because you guys are getting raped. See, that is the worst part of healthcare is that you're like, I might be sick. You don't know if you're sick.

And you don't want to like- And you're probably not. Yeah, and you don't want to go in and have them go, you're not sick. Give us $10,000 for making sure. Yeah. Yeah, that sucks. 80% of the hospitals said they didn't publish

any rates at all right they didn't do anything because the fine was miraculous it was luckily for them $300 a day

if they didn't do it $300 a day total it should have been if you don't do this we are gonna put you on a rocket into space we're gonna put you

in an x-ray machine yeah and leave it on we're gonna strap you there and just leave it on until your head explodes like you know three hundred dollars is that that's like a joke law that's like a fun joke that's like less than i pay in health insurance right that's a joke right it's why even write a law at that point? Why is the worst thing affecting so many people a less penalty than any, less than a speeding ticket? Yeah. Less than a speeding ticket.

No, it's like it could just be a dollar at that point. Yeah. That means nothing. To a hospital who probably makes how much a day? I don't know. Even a small hospital. Millions. How much does the c-section cost here's an example of one hospital six grand another one 60 grand i don't like this you don't

like this this is a very specific problem it is and you have no hospital transparency pricing non-compliance because trump said you guys got to put you guys got to put prices up. He said, well, let's see what happens when this comes. Let's see who's in charge when this is necessary in 2021. A lot of it is also that they're just like, well, the insurance companies are picking up the bills so we can charge anything. Yeah. Yeah. That's how it started. Insurance companies said, well, we're going to pay for only 80% of that. And they said, okay, well, we're charging now $100,000. Yeah. Yeah. That's how it started. Insurance companies said, well, we're going to pay for only 80% of that.

And they said, okay, well, we're charging now $100,000. Yeah. We're going to crank up the price. And I go, okay. You know what they say is one of the best things to do if you visit a hospital. They're going to hand you- Kill yourself. Well, yeah, kill yourself.

Take a hostage. Save a little bit of money. Bring in a kid and say, tell me how much this caused, or I will shoot this. If you fuck me, I or i will shoot this if you fuck me i'm gonna shoot this kid there's some movie where like the guy takes a bunch of hostages just to get his kid on the organ donation list that's a good that's how health care should work surprised that doesn't happen more did you ever see the guy who runs gofundme and they're like wow you must be uh so happy about the success of your site and he's like i run a popularity contest to keep people alive he's like this is the most depressing thing in the world and it's like are you really to afford medical

bills like this is the only purpose my site he gets to see all the notes he's like i wanted to fund like fun projects and like creative shit i have literally just become a popularity contest to keep people alive. And celebrities to launch their pet projects. Right. Because they want more money than a negotiating leverage

versus studios. Like, well, you know, studio only give me 10%. So I'm taking it to you, the people. The whole experience. I put your name in the creds.

Yeah. Oh, that's the worst. I was going to say, a legitimate piece of advice, if you go to the hospital, they're going to hand you a bill and it's not going to be itemized. It's going to be like, you owe us $50,000. A lot of the time. Or like, you tell them, you go, I want an itemized bill. And like, apparently 90, 95% of the time they'll go, oh, we actually found out your bill's

like half the price. And I don't want any- Because you actually went and priced it out instead of just making up a number. Yeah. Yeah. If only they had some kind of directive from the president that said you guys have to put some kind of like computer readable thing together so this stops happening. Why is it so toothless?

Why is it only 300? Who wrote this bill? I don't know, man. Trump had a lot of stuff going on, V this bill i don't know man trump had a lot trump had a lot of stuff going on you know i don't know if you remember that a lot of people fucking with them all day every day here's another tip for if you go to the hospital yeah say i don't want any of the fat nurses i know that you got good ones in the back that you save but give me one of them all of this health care stuff uh what about a guy who jumped out of an ambulance on the highway?

Because you know how they'll forcibly put you in an ambulance? That's like $900? Yeah. I think he was like passed out. He was like, you know, he passed out because of an accident. He woke up in an ambulance and went, oh, God. Get me out of here. Oh, God.

Waited for him to slow down a little bit. I can't afford this shit. Yeah, hey. Let's see. Here's one. Billing code. And can't afford this shit. Yeah, hey. Let's see. Here's one. Billing code. And they're all billing codes, by the way.

Representing complex cardiac procedures in a fragile patient that varied from 90 grand to $500,000. Kind of a big gap. That's a big jump. Where's all that money going? It would be nice to know

which hospital charged what. L.A. tended to me the highest variation in cost the average price there for treating a breathing problem with a ventilator for less than four days ranged from 80 000 to 280 000 so did we get before everybody went in on covid did was there any kind of like price things yeah that's the other thing the ventilator price is cheaper now that everybody's getting them you know somehow it doesn't work like that more expensive because they're all filled up right somehow like shouldn't the mri machine just be running all day like it doesn't it's not full of juice like magnetic juice gas in there that needs to be it's not like mercury that needs to be reaped it's like a fucking television you run televisions at best buy all day they don't go bad the mri machine could

just run in there all fucking day it doesn't need to be a million bucks a run or whatever it is uh here's one in texas 160 000 for a joint replacement that was on average 12 000 at other hospitals what a disparity uh here's here's a quote from one of the hospitals we understand the cost of i got this from this girl um um i didn't write her name down she did all this research for me whatever she's hot she doesn't need fucking my credit all right hot nurse okay You don't need this audience, sweetheart. Here's what one of the hospitals said. We understand the cost of healthcare can be complex. Yeah, because you guys are doing it.

Right. New guidelines established by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services require us to publish our negotiated rates with payers for services provided. We haven't invested our resources into this because it provides something that will only be useful to our competitors. Other hospitals. Yeah. So they don't want other hospitals

getting a jump on their... Do you see the sickness? I want to... You know how disgusting it is to have doctors go, well, I don't want my competitors. You mean other doctors trying to save people's lives? Do you really have to use the word competitors? How about other health providers?

That's much worse. And I want to help them out so we can charge as little as possible and help out as many Americans as we can. So I was like, hey, we got to make a buck here. You know it's not the doctors. We got to gouge you as much as possible. You know it's not the doctors. We gotta gouge you as much as possible. You know it's not the doctors because they're getting paid enough.

Right. They're rich as fuck. They got hot wives. They're fucking nurses. Administrators. Investors. That's who talks like this. Owners.

We aren't in it for them. They're competitors. That's their... Yeah. We're in it for you. Fuck you. God damn it, man. And believe you deserve to know what's important to

your personal situation that's why we remain dedicated to keeping prices low for you that's like worse that i think if you put that on a used car you'd go to jail uh so i went there i went there to that site to check on this to see if it was legit and they had a price estimator button. Oh. I fucking clicked on it. 404. Click here to estimate. Clicked on it. Dead link. I was like,

oh, we put the button up. We didn't say it would go anywhere. That's not part of the law. Vito, that's my problem. Let me read it again. Let me read it again. Hospital price transparency noncompliance. That's a long title. Yeah, it's a mouthful.

What's the acronym for that? HPTNC. HPTNC. You've got to say the whole thing, though. Yeah, I know. Go ahead. Well. What am I going into my problem here?

So there's this video I saw. This is what inspired my problem. I don't know if you saw this video. I don't know how interesting it is, but let's just watch it. It's a minute. Watch it? All right. This is a teacher in California talking about something that's been going on in her classroom, I guess.

A rape? Yes, it's a rape, Dick. My problem is rape. No. Okay, here you go. Okay, so during third period, we have announcements, and they do the Pledge of Allegiance. I always tell my class stand if you feel like it don't stand if you feel like it say the words if you want

don't have to say the words so my class decided to stand but not say the words totally fine except for the fact that my room does not have a flag it used to be there but i took it down during covid because it made me uncomfortable and um i packed it away and i don't know where and i haven't found it yet but my kid today goes hey um it's kind of weird that we just stand and then you know we say it to nothing and i'm like oh well you know i gotta find it like i'm working on it i got you in the meantime i tell this kid we do have a flag in the class that you can pledge your allegiance to and he like looks around he goes oh that one it was on backwards it was on backwards The trans stuff was going the wrong way. It might be because... You stupid bitch.

Oh, she filmed it backwards, I think. You're right. Now, maybe she undermines my point because I think a lot of people... I take back the stupid, not the bitch. Jesus Christ. A lot of people are coming down on her for having her students pledge allegiance to the pride flag. Yeah.

Not having the American flag displayed in her classroom right and she has actually been uh removed from her classroom due to this uh controversy which that sucks i frankly have to say i don't agree with yeah why because the pledge of allegiance is a problem my problem is the pledge of allegiance let me know if you want to drum roll next time oh i should drum roll it next time here's the thing about the pledge of allegiance i'm a big believer in patriotism i do believe in it wait really yeah why i i understand you want to instill some nationalism in your students you want to make them care about you want to why you want to give them the history of the land they belong because then they want to do good within that

country you want what's patriotism i think it's an interest in uh wanting to better your country and wanting to support your country i mean it's interesting to me that you say you're just behind patriotism you don't have a really clear definition of it because i would not say i'm behind patriotism you're not like but you like america no you don't like america america is defined by better than other countries depends who you are if you're me no i would probably be doing better in communist china well regardless see i think you're on board well i mean the american government no absolutely hate despise can't stand them but the spirit of america the american people the american way of life i don't know. I don't know.

You like the culture. You couldn't get away with half the shit you're doing here in another country. That's true. You go to Germany, they're going to lock you up for saying anything. That's true. Yeah. Although at one point in, I mean, Germany also, you get away with quite a lot. Yeah.

They got away with some things. I think we might get into some of that later. The point is, even regardless of where you stand on patriotism or its importance to teach children about loving your country and the people around you, I think the Pledge of Allegiance is not the way to do it. It's a weird custom. Oh, yeah. It's fucked.

It's a very weird custom. I want to see if you know some of the history of the Pledge of Allegiance, because I looked into this. It's very weird. Original pledge was written by Francis Bellamy, a Baptist minister and Christian socialist. The Pledge of Allegiance was written by a socialist. When?

In 1892, September 8th. It was published in the children's magazine, The Youth Companion. A socialist? That's the craziest part. It's very weird. Now I got to, yeah,

now I got to actually look at it and go like, wait a minute. We're all pledging to a socialist pledge. Creed. Yeah. Like a brainwashing chant that, cause I fucking hate to pledge. I've always hated it.

It may, well, it makes no sense. The idea, I mean, just, you stand all the kids up and they say it over and over. I'm a believer that if you force somebody to do something, they resent it.

I think the pledge has the opposite effect. You eventually treat it like, yeah, I got to stand and do this stupid thing. Yeah, even if you made me get a blowjob, I'm like, well, I don't know. You don't like it. You eventually start to resent it. So this was in 1892. It was actually part of the National Public School celebration of Columbus Day, who we all know

is a beloved figure. Awesome. Now that's America I can get behind. I don't know. What's up, motherfuckers? I'm Italian. I'm Italian. I'm a stallion. All you bitches under 12 are gonna find out the hard way. Oh, God. He killed so many. The original pledge was... They were coming to kill him

first. Oh, they were coming at him and his boat that he had to travel all the way to them? Yeah. They were going to swim across the Atlantic? They're like, this fucking boat? Check this shit out. We don't know how to build boats like that. Let's take it. Okay.

I don't... Like the Taliban. Some historical revisionism. I don't know if I could stand behind. Here's the other thing. The original pledge was short to the point. I pledge allegiance to my... I the republic for which it stands, one nation indivisible with liberty and justice for all.

Simple. He wanted it to be 15 seconds long. He also originally wanted to use the word equality, but decided against it, noting that the state superintendents of education were against equality for women and African Americans. Why is everything in this country weirdly racist all the time? Now you're talking about America. Again, it depends what you mean by America. I wanted to put equality in there, but then people might have thought blacks were a part of America.

So not only does it have weird history, but they just keep adding stupid shit to it 1923 they said can't just be my flag so this is like the original pride flag yeah this is the original it is really it is just a bunch of different special interest groups stepping in and constantly making it more complicated so originally it was i pledge allegiance to my flag soon it's going to be i pledge allegiance to my pride to our defrag going to be, I pledge allegiance to my flag. Oh, I pledge allegiance to our defrags of America. That woman tried to make it, I pledge allegiance to the... I can't say the joke.

No, the F. Oh, the F. Yeah. What do you call it? Originally it was just my flag, but then they're like, well, then the immigrants, they come and they got their own flag. We have to specifically say to the flag of the United States. Oh my God. Oh, we got to go a little

further it's got to be to the united states of america like if you look through the list of years they're just constantly adding more bullshit to it okay i pledge allegiance to the united states of america and they had to add more like to the country for which it stands below one nation and i don't know if you know this. This is a thing. During the Cold War era... This is the part I knew. You knew this. During the Cold War era,

the godless communists, we wanted to stand against them, so we had to add Under God to the pledge in 1954. I didn't know it. I take that back. You did not know that Under God was an addition? I thought the whole thing started because of the Cold War. And that's when they started requiring kids to do it.

I didn't know they added God to it. In 1954. To stop communism. To stop the communists. This was President Eisenhower who had been baptized as a Presbyterian just a year before and signed into law that Under God would be added and it would be mandatory in schools. Couldn't figure out this hospital pricing stuff, but they got God in there. Well, we got enough fucking words in this to declare your love of whatever the fuck.

The other thing is, obviously... They got God in the mouth of every kid in America, though. That's the weird thing, is that under God is probably the most challenged part of the pledge, right? Because it's in all the schools, you're talking about God, it's a little weird. It's all fucking weird. It's very weird. And the Supreme Court keeps saying, well, it's in all the schools you're talking about god it's a little weird and uh this is all fucking weird it's very weird and the supreme court keeps saying well it's not really about religion you know it's just it's just a patriotic thing to say under god it's a patriotism thing here's what eisenhower said that's not the point well eisenhower uh clearly believed he said from this day forward in 1954 millions of school children will daily proclaim

in every city and town every village and rural schoolhouse the dedication of our nation and our people to the almighty we are reaffirming the transcendence of religious faith okay and constantly strengthening those spiritual weapons which are forever our country's most powerful resource this is a weird religious thing. It's not even a patriotic thing. That's America, bro. Yes, that's America. It's a Christian nation.

It's half full of people who like that. Yeah. They hear it and it's like, yeah, that makes my dick hard. Tell me more about that. Tell me again. Tell me to me again. And do it in like a robe.

And do it on like a stand just do it on a like a stand on a pedestal and yeah lecture everybody that makes my in a big building i mean the whole idea of i mean it's america we're all about freedom but a bunch of guys are like i can force a bunch of kids to say a weird thing that affirms my specific beliefs and what america should be every single fucking day of their lives well yeah let's do that let's sign that that's a law in like a bunch of different states that you know we're gonna recite the pledge every fucking day well i said it every day it makes no yeah did you and when you were in school i was in massachusetts we're liberals i don't know if they have a law

i was in california yeah i know it's weirder than california i don't know if massachusetts if they have the law in my school, just ignored it. Really? You didn't grow up saying it? No, I didn't. Oh my god, we didn't. It was weird every fucking day. Especially when you start getting erections. Once they get to that underdog part. No, as a kid.

Oh, so you said just in general? Yeah, because every once in a while you might have an erection. You're like, oh, fucking great. I thought you were getting turned on by the pledge and all that. You know, right about Eisenhower. Yeah, because every once in a while you might have an erection. You're like, oh, fucking great. I thought you were getting turned on by the pledge and all that, you know. Right about Eisenhower. Yeah, Eisenhower and just getting everything up inside you. You just got to lock eyes with every girl in your class. Eyes on the fucking flag.

No erections happening over here. Get your eyes on the fucking flag, you bitch. The thing is that not only is it weird and creepy to force kids to say this thing but people just take it way too seriously okay the supreme court the pledge of allegiance yeah they do take it pretty don't though you know you know that it's not that important you know this you know that forcing these kids to say it is not that important just just but it why it is for the same reason that you couldn't define what you think is patriotism like you no no hold on you think patriotism is good and you can't tell

me why those fuck those fucking people have the exact same emotion they're like well we just got it we just got to go yeah and we got to get behind this it's like well what is this like you can't if you can't tell me what this is i don't know if you should be shoving so hard over there uh cletus i would challenge that i think that tillman i don't know if you i don't know if you're ready to pledge to this one buddy why don't you why don't you go back to the nfl i can define what patriotism is to me though it's just you if you have pride in your country it gives you like a motivation to to better your country who cares because then it makes it better for everybody you don't want america to be better you just wanted to be oh actually i think i think that

america is best when everyone is as selfish as possible i don't agree with that oh yeah i think if the system is defined with no inefficiencies is the most perfect it could be i think selfishness is uh leads us to a lot of problems like not wanting to publish the prices of hospital bills. I think that's a very selfish thing that the hospitals are doing. Selfishness would say that $300 is

the problem. You guys should be killed for this, not $300. I think you're undermining your own point. Point is, people take it too seriously. You know the Supreme Court has said, well, we can't force kids to say it if you don't want to say it. You can sit down, you can bucks i think you're undermining your own point point is people take it too seriously not but you know the supreme court has said well we can't force kids to say it if you don't want to say it you know you can sit down you can ignore it but the schools they go nuts in 2017 a seven-year-old in indiana was dragged to the principal's office and forced to practice reciting the pledge

as he was in tears sobbing in 2018 a 17-year-old black girl was expelled from school. In 2001, he flew a jetliner into the World Trade Center. Who did? That kid that you just talked about. Yeah, he did that. With a bunch of Saudi Arabia passports to frame, to sink America into a 20-year. He said, this will show them.

If only he had pledged the flag, he would have loved America too much to do that horrible thing. In 2019, a sixth grader in New jersey was arrested after refusing to leave the classroom after a teacher berated them for refusing to stand for the pledge had to arrest them for standing their ground you know what's funny so we what year was that that was in uh 2019 not that long ago oh i thought what was the earliest one you had? These are all recent, 2017, but this has been going on since forever. So basically, you grow up with it, and then you have to keep having the same argument with athletes instead of 30s, and then in our 40s, do we have to do it again?

Do we have to have the same fucking argument again? Probably. I'm sure I'll find out very soon how that argument manifests in your 40s um i think this is the most important part though one of the biggest objections of the pledge is uh obviously small children in schools you know six seven years old yeah they don't really understand what they're saying right no so in a way you might say how can they give their consent to recite the pledge oh you're saying it's raping kids it's basically it's it is it's the same thing as raping children they don't they in the same way they can't process sexuality and they can't consent to sex how can you say that

they have the mental faculty to understand something as abstract and complex as a pledge to your nation state. Yeah. Is that not a gross violation of their rights, the same way holding them down and doing horrible things to them is? Be careful. You had me up until you started describing it. And then the problem is you didn't describe it enough. If you had gone all the way.

Yeah, if you'd gone very graphic in describing raping kids, it would have been funny. But you stopped halfway through, like, when Homer tries to jump the gorge and fell down. Went all the way down. Point is, Dick, I think patriots like myself and rabble-rousers like you can agree. Oh, I fit in your binary patriotism system. Yes, there is. People who love and people who hate.

But together, I think we can agree that the pledge of allegiance is the biggest problem in the universe uh it is a problem it is a problem it's causing more harm than i think good we just need to pack more stuff in it we gotta pledge allegiance to the united states of abortions to the Space Force to the Navy and the Marines and every God under God and his meekness

and her under God who he or she see and every gender I pledge to uphold and God President Biden and his ice cream socials, which I deeply respect from the bottom of my heart.

Thank you, America. Thank you, the world. Good night. I can't believe that it's been here for so long. The pledge? Yeah. 1893. So it's right before radio. Written by a socialist. What happened in the 18... That's right before radio written by a socialist right what happened in the 18 and that's right

before flight it's right before the radio what was flight 19 1904 1905 or something like that what happened then that made them think we got to start indoctrinating kids i mean that guy who originally came up with it he really was like die hard on like bro because it was tied in with this Columbus Day celebration. I don't know where it all came from, but all at once. Follow this logic. Civil War ends in 1865. That was part of it.

Yeah. And people boom fucking boomers did it. Yeah. Boomers veterans out of the Civil War said we got to link everybody together and brainwash. There's too much. There's too much strife. Hell on wheels. we're still fighting colin colm meaney yeah still happening we gotta start brainwashing these kids now and they and they did they instilled a nationalist spirit in the

youth of america who all loved christopher columbus and like why do you keep saying christopher columbus like you like it's a bad what are you like not. Why do you keep saying Christopher Columbus like it's a bad... It's not good. Why? Why? What's wrong with Christopher Columbus? Christopher Columbus was an invention, basically. Nobody cared about Christopher Columbus until they decided... It was the Italian-American community who said,

we want a great Italian-American figure. We're going to promote Columbus as the father of America. But it's all invented. It's not really. What do you mean? He came over here, wiped a bunch of Indians out. He came back and said, check it out. There's America. But he didn't touch the United States

of America. He was in like South America. Well, he figured out that there was stuff going on over here that could be looted and raped and pillaged. The Vikings found America I mean, we already had people living here Oh, we did? Yeah, the Native Americans, motherfucker We, that's not, first of all

I can say we I am allowed to say we were living here You came and raped us I consider myself And took our beans A child of the human race We are all part of the same intricate organism. Didn't he come over and say like,

all right, what, what? Let's take this shit. Everybody, come on. He's the guy that was like, all right, now everybody come on over. The rest of us said, hey man, come on, don't be so mean about it. I can't believe descendants.

Me and my Native American brothers. Yeah, descendants of Christopher Columbus and Native Americans are arguing the opposite We are arguing the opposite. Because we were very bloodthirsty people. I mean, I'm not going to say

the Native Americans were perfect. That's another erasure of the myth of the noble savage. You ever heard that term? That sounds racist. Well,

it was the idea that all the Native Americans did was, you know, sit around and smoke peace pipes and love the land. No. No.

No, dude. They were raiding the shit out of each other and murdering each other upside down. Worshipping child-eating serpents and gods that invade your dreams and playing football

with people's heads. The Mayans. Fucking cutting. We knew that that sacrifice shit didn't even work. We still did it anyway. We knew it didn't work.

We're like, our crops are fucked. Yeah. This shit's not going to work, but whatever. gets blows off some steam gives people something the steps of the temple when i walked up one of those the temples really cut people's yeah it was scary how big are they uh tall tall tall and but it's like 45 degrees i was gonna say it's like you're used to going upstairs at like 30, but at 45 is like whoa Get too much for I don't even think I could climb the I get vertigo easily They don't let you anymore cuz somebody fell I would imagine

Yeah, not record. I don't think it's recorded shame They should have had a GoPro on those like every single step just get the bump You ever see the video of the guy who jumped off the, what do you call it, Hoover Dam? No. Oh, that's a great video. So me and my sister and my dad go walking up this, whatever sacrificial, whatever it is,

the stupid pyramids there. And me and my sister immediately like, oh, fuck, this is kind of, this is sketchy, right? This is scary. My dad showing off. This is one of my happiest, this is one of me and is sketchy, right? This is scary. My dad showing off. This is one of my happiest. This is one of my, me and my sister's happiest shared memories. My dad acting like a jackass just goes,

dude, dude, dude, takes off. Like you guys are pussies. Now he starts walking up to the thing. Like you guys are total pussies. What are you,

what are you scared about? A little stairs. And then about 20, we just had our hands. It's even like the first 10 feet is terrifying about 20 feet later we've just been crawling slow and steady like turtles the whole time and he's going grabbing onto the edge and like trying not to try not to lose his balance so he got 15 feet up and got hit with vertigo like oh you motherfucker fuck you going up i think would be

easier coming down just looking down that thing must be oh yeah it's scary yeah you can't do anymore uh okay my my next problem is simulation theory oh i know this oh do you yeah remarkably everyone everyone can understand this totally advanced sci-fi concept of what if we were a computer? What if there was a computer? I saw I saw this movie Free Guy pop up on a thing and it

said the world is a simulation. Oh my god I can't fucking escape. When is this going to be over? When is this idiot, when is this gonna be over when is this idiot when is this stupid simulation theory vito have you ever have you ever imagined yeah what if we're all in a computer what if it's a computer what if reality is a computer man oh like subatomic particles that are like exist exist probabilistically having interactions

where they manifest into physical reality uh like that no like a video game like that like if it's like a computer yeah fucking kill me this is the worst i hate it i hate it and it's giving us guys like elon musk and neil degrasse tyson that's giving us guys like Elon Musk and Neil deGrasse Tyson That's why those guys are famous because we're on a fucking computer, man! I don't know if that's why they're famous, but they do put forward that idea. What if we're in a computer? What is the fucking difference? I don't know, it's interesting to contemplate.

Why is it interesting? Why? Why? Why is it interesting if we're a computer? Why am I immune to this one? For the same reason that everyone has speculated about the origins of the universe since the dawn of humanity. No one has. They just go like, oh gosh, I wonder what happened. I don't know. Like my dog sits around

going, I wonder where he went. I don't know. I don't know. They established giant fucking temples that you kick people's heads down they they they definitely came up with some theories and ran with them what if we're in a video game matrix 4 comes out next year anything could happen well i don't know if that's part of it yeah it is well what did you did you look up simulation lazy and stupid i think i've i think i've heard enough if enough if enough lazy and stupid people like it i don't think it's that

complicated elon musk is lazy and stupid yes okay uh i i printed something out about it where it's from oh fuck i forgot my picture of the from the pledge we can put it up we'll go back by the way i did have to mention that the original the pledge used to be associated with this uh can you control plus on that no i can do a control mouse wheel move i did need to mention that the pledge was originally accompanied by did the nazis have a pledge there's people doing roman so there's little kids doing Roman salutes. This kid's, look at this kid lazing into it. See the girls?

You see the girls are like this? And he's like, oh, fucking come on, man. See, that's just part of how we, I'm sorry to interrupt your problem, but for some reason, I was like, oh, he's got sources. What if we were in a simulation? Yeah, well, then these kids are all just computer constructs. What would you do in a simulation? Would you ask,

break up with your girlfriend? I like the idea of living in a simulation. I think that's a good thought. Why? Because it means God's a programmer. You know? That's exactly the same as what is the difference from going

we live in a computer versus we live in a magical box. It's like a, oh wow, what's God? He's like, going, we live in a computer versus we live in a magical box? It's like a, oh, wow, what's God? He's like, oh, he's in all these. The simulation theory posits that God is way less sophisticated than what God would have to be to create the substance of whatever this is. It's like a dumber version of God. Here's my problem with it people people are so dumb and and uh entitled that they dumbed down god to fit some to fit a computer god well god couldn't god god

doesn't need to have created everything and everything and have everything has to be complicated god sits at a fucking terminal a neck beard and cranks out code that's it the actual structure of the universe is too complicated we had to dumb him down so it's interesting that's my problem with it i think it's more that you can identify more with a god when you understand his motives it's like oh he's running an experiment to figure out certain things about his own universe i like knowing that god has a has a purpose other than just like i made this thing and sometimes I kill people with cancer for no reason.

So we're like an experiment? It's easier to take reality. It's like a cope for reality. I kind of accept simulation theory on some level. Because they say that the universe, our universe has certain limits that if you were to run a finite

experiment, that's how you would design it. What? What makes you say that? The expanse of matter and the edges of the universe and whatever else. I mean, that's what they say. I also think if you were a programmer and you had your Sims family of billions of people, you'd go, that's a couple points of data for once my experiment's over

to just transfer them over to an eternal afterlife. Is it easier to believe in heaven if it's a computer? Is that what it is? I think it is easier to believe in heaven. We got too smart for everything being magic and angels and shit, so now it's a computer. I think if it's like a guy, I mean, you want God to be like in your own image, right? That's the whole reason we invented Jesus. No. No, definitely not.

You want to be an insane alien that you can't understand his motivations at all and he probably doesn't give a shit about you in any way. I don't want God to be wondering whether or not he should pay my vet bill for $1,000 and kind of regretting it. I don't want God to go like, well, maybe I could have got away with it. She could have coughed

for another week and a half. What's it, where's it gonna happen? She dies. So you're assuming it's a programmer in like a shitty, yeah, again, work terminal. I like to imagine like in a- I think non-programmers

like the idea that God's a programmer. I think it's like an ethereal being made of pure light and energy who's, you know, running little simulations and he puts a couple lines of code in there to, you know, send you over to a universe with no cancer,

no hate, no vet bills, no pledge of allegiance. Nick Bostrom, the philosopher who stumbled upon this philosophical abortion says, who reasoned compellingly that given our own proficiency with computers and virtual reality,

one of the following propositions must be true. One, the human species is very likely to go extinct before reaching a post-human stage. Yikes. Based on, well, I mean, it's based on nothing. It's just something a guy said. We're pretty good at destroying ourselves. We're really good at it. Why would you say that?

The population only goes up and gets fatter. What evidence is there that we're destroying ourselves? Why would you say that? It's where the population only goes up and gets fatter. What evidence is there that we're destroying ourselves? I mean, we're always on the press. I mean, if anybody chooses to press the nuclear button or whatever else, it can all come undone in a second. We haven't even made it to Mars yet. Space colonies.

And then what? You don't think anything bad can happen on Mars? I'm saying at least we got a second planet where the first one gets fucked We can be like, alright, well at least we got another one of these We need bases, we need it all Man, it's to go to the stars Any post-human civilization is extremely unlikely to run a significant number of simulations of their evolutionary history

So they're running a computer Right How do you know you're not just thinking about it? Oh, man. Look, I'm thinking about Columbus coming over. What if that was real? Whoa! Right?

They took up something that a child should find entertaining and made it palatable for a bunch of lazy, retarded assholes who don't want to actually learn about something. They just want to fucking imagine it like Super Grover and think that it's smart. Like, it's not learning about anything. It's just fucking imagining it.

It's like, what if Sesame Street was real? That's every religion. Exactly. Then your problem is just religion. No, this one is too... How is this different? This one is up its own ass. Because it's more pathetic than...

Yes, it's worse. Every religion is pathetic. It's not worse. It's exactly the same as any other one. If anything, it's a little better because at least it's based on some small amount of data. No, it's not. Some small amount of theorizing. Okay, what if you're going to run an experiment?

What are the conditions you would set on that universe to make the experiment useful? You know what? It has some amount of logic to it. You ever, you know, like Dungeons and Dragons and magic and stuff? Right. You know what happens when morons get interested in that stuff? It starts to suck. They ruin it.

Yeah. That's what happens when you get morons interested in science. Oh, in science. They come over and say, well Well what if God is a program And you say Get the fuck out of the computer lab Get out Go back

To magic Or Dungeons and Dragons And ruin their shit Stay out of our stuff That's my problem Simulation theory I really hate it I think you're not giving it a fair shake

I think if you watch The Matrix A couple more times You're gonna come to terms Yeah Who is the one? Are we all the one? Not me I think if you watch The Matrix a couple more times, you're gonna come to terms. Yeah. Who is the one? Are we all the one? It's not me. Take the red pill, as we say.

Your turn. Escape the simulation. Dick, there's a lot of problems in the world. It's Plato's cave. Whoa. Whatever. Look, there's shadows on the wall. What if those shadows think they're real?

Okay. All right. What a fucking revolutionary concept pre-packaged for idiots a lot of people believe in something dick something higher themselves a nation perhaps yeah a god or perhaps believing in a very stupid thing i know you're a you're a you've you've been on the record to say you're not a fan of metaphors, right? Using metaphors to describe things. Metaphors are cancer. They're not good. Get it?

Metaphors are cancer. You made a metaphor. It did take me a second to get there. If you said metaphors are like a cancer, I would have gotten there quicker. Is that a simile? I don't know. Yeah, that would be a simile. So my problem is,

I mean, we have a current ongoing public health crisis, right? Yeah. There's ways to do. Yeah, that's the one. Everybody keeps coming at me with that. Everybody keeps going, you're fat. You're not allowed to have an opinion on this disease. Well, are you?

Give me, okay. If you come up with a jab, a two-point injection, that instantly I lose all this weight. Yeah. I'm on board. No, that's not how a vaccine works. Well,

you could have a protein shake every night. That could be your booster. I'm going to lose this problem now because I'm going into it the wrong way. You're trying to sabotage me by getting me off topic. Point is there's ways to describe this ongoing thing. Would you take a vaccine that the thought the food made you sick no what do you mean no the food makes you the thought of food made you like physically ill like unhealthy food all food well then you wouldn't eat anything well then

you'd be you'd eat you'd force yourself to eat to survive yeah but then you'd be miserable so you wouldn't take i'm not miserable taking the vaccine it hasn't affected me negatively i'm just asking okay well no i wouldn't do it okay there's other ways to lose it uh healthfully okay okay go ahead i'm sorry fasting it's it's working out have you yeah have you started have you worked are you working out a little bit i'm trying to get back on it my kind of workouts you you doing? I have an exercise bike. I have trouble staying focused on it. I have to do an activity that's really gripping my attention.

Yeah. Because otherwise, I pay more attention to the bike than what's going on. What about a Peloton? Where it's like a class that they engage with you. Yeah, maybe. I don't know. Some people like those. I would want to try it, I think.'re also really expensive oh i just i get on the bike i play like stupid rhythm games

i play the music games you're gonna i don't know you could do that well uh no it's the playstation i have my playstation set up in front of me yeah what about some weights i have some weights all right i gotta get a better uh weight routine going i have trouble i'm not good at keeping a schedule yeah that's my biggest problem in life yeah do you keep do you keep a good schedule like you get up at the same time every morning you know uh yeah i get up about about 10 yeah uh my workout schedule is like a fucking swiss watch though it has been for 20 years i have this thing where like I think they have a term. Some people are naturally night owls

in a way. I just feel like my brain does not function at full capacity until I've been awake for six, eight hours. And then by that... I feel like I can't cram everything. Once I get in the state where I'm actually alert and active,

I'm like, now I want to work on my YouTube channel or whatever else. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm like, well, I also got to work out, and I'm trying to cram everything in. If you don't have a schedule, then your eating's probably all fucked up. Yeah. I have a rigid eating schedule, too. Yeah, I'm on a super fucked up.

I only eat at noon and five. That's it. I lose track, and I'm like, oh, I'm hungry now, and then I'm like, I forget if I ate. I'm working. I'm going to get there. All right. I never claimed to be the Ultraman. I'm the part of, I'm hungry now. And then I'm like, I forget if I ate. I'm working. I'm going to get there, man. All right. I never claimed to be the Ultraman.

I'm the part of the simulation that has to fail so the simulation works. You didn't claim to be an Ultraman, but you're claiming that other people should be taking a vaccine. Well, it's going to make me better. My brain's getting stronger. Okay. Do you read these things that say, what do you call it? If you get, I don't know.

We can just say COVID. It doesn't matter. If you get it, it's like your IQ goes down. I mean, those studies are always so bogus when you follow them up, though. Probably. It's like, how the fuck? First of all, if we're going to start throwing IQ science around, I got a lot of race-based IQ studies that I would also like everyone to weigh in on.

Like, I saw a lot of blue checks saying, like, look, your IQ could drop. Like, oh, that's funny. There's, like, a lot of IQ studies with bigger samples. What do you think about those? Kind of just got to ignore that science. I think being stressed about COVID might have tampered with people's IQ scores. I am more scared of the effects of COVID than I am of a vaccine. You should be.

You should be. Well, I think I would suffer from COVID more than... I'm a big guy a big guy you have a risk factor yeah i have a bigger risk factor than you do yeah um anyway i'm a vaccine cuck and i'm proud of it i just yeah i mean everybody's very aggressive about it but i don't know i feel like you're kind of i think if you're a big fat loser just get it because everybody are like these 450 pound conservative radio hosts and you're like, cocksucker, just get it. You're the guy who should get it.

If you're like a fucking, like Joe Rogan got over it in a day. Yeah, he works out, he takes vitamins, he's going to be fine. But if you're a big dumb doofus loser, just get it. If you have to roll the dice on your odds, I think you have better odds taking it unless people are dying from that than of just their lungs filling with fluid let's get back on track you know what i would compare all of this to it's a lot like

world war ii dick no it fucking isn't my problem is world war ii metaphors uh stop we've been doing it for too long we've got too many of them they never work okay and this public health crisis has brought out far too many dick currently 3 000 americans are dying to covet every day did you know that's more than pearl harbor did you know that did you know pearl harbor only 2400 people died so it's kind of like covid is our pearl harbor yeah uh january 21st 2021 that was when the covid death toll in the u.s reached and exceeded 400,000 americans that's more than died in world war ii it's almost like covid is our world war ii uh new york so much to my grandpa who was served in world war ii and who is dead yeah i mean so much it's very important to make these historical metaphors you know new york governor

andrew cuomo uh before he had to resign was talking about the importance of ventilators in hospitals he said ventilators are to this war what bombs were to world war ii ventilators dick our world war ii bombs okay we're going a little too far you really molested that metaphor we're going uh it goes on the other side too vaccine passports well why don't you just stamp a concentration camp number on my arm yeah people are going out protesting with the star of david warren on their chest with unvaccinated inside the star. You want me to stay home? You want me to self-isolate? Why don't you just put me in a camp, buddy? Yeah. Stop it. There's too much of this. Look, we've been doing it forever. Everybody's Hitler. Everybody's a Nazi. Everything's a concentration camp. Okay. There's other things

that you can get. If you need a a metaphor i'm not even going to say you can't use metaphors but you could come up with some other ones like what well i've got a couple here do you need a war you need to compare things to a horrible war where people died dick yeah perhaps why not reach to the and lucian rebellion that of course occurred in china on december of 755 a.d and lasted eight years. No, no, no. That was the direct result of General An Lushin declaring himself emperor of northern China in defiance of the established Tang Dynasty.

Scholars say 36 million people died. Why is COVID not our An Lushin rebellion? It's basically the same thing. I don't know any of those guys, though. It's amazing. Well, why not Sounds like they were Chinese Oh yeah

So it's not the same Because it's Chinese people dying Chinese people gave it to us Motherfucker It should be Chinese people No it's patriotic It makes way more sense If you're looking for

You should use like Infinity War Yeah No no no no No because that's another problem And we'll bring that in We'll do harry potter metaphors another fucking time this is like marvel metaphor yeah this is like when

yeah fought fucking uh thanos do you need a concentration camp metaphor almost every day every fucking day well why not go to the little known cuban hol. During the Cuban Independence War of 1896, the Spanish were dealing with rebels in Cuba and decided to move all the Cubans into what they called re-concentration camps. Oh, re-con. They concentrated them again? It's better.

They re-concentrated them. It's like a double concentration camp. They took the ashes and made little figures out of them and then burned them again. Pushed them all into the camp so the rebels could not hide among them 500,000 Cubans

of which 30% died that's 150,000 Cubans that's a lot died in the re-concentration camps that's like 70 Pearl Harbors yeah

wow I feel like forcing me to get a vaccine passport is the same as a Cuban Holocaust it is our Cuban Holocaust. It is our Cuban Holocaust, really. You know what never fails to get a laugh?

What? Me saying, like, this is worse than a concentration camp. Every time I say it, I've said that for my whole life. Yeah. And every time I say it, it gets a laugh. No matter who is. Because everyone knows it's bogus. Everyone knows it's a bogus comparison.

Yeah, we keep saying this shit. I say it all the time now. Well, now you have a different one to reach for. You go, this is worse than the Cuban reconcentration camps. Try it on for size. I'll try that. See how it feels. You know what? You might intrigue some people to go, I haven't heard about this.

Maybe it's time to learn a little history. Other historical events have happened other than world war ii here's the big one dick do you need a hitler do you need to compare certain world leaders i voted for trump remember yeah oh yeah i've heard of that guy well i would say hitler next time you feel like you need to refer to the orange man, why don't you say, well, that trumps a real idea, men. Oh, I know. President of Uganda from 1971, the butcher of Uganda. This cruel talent purges perceived enemies, including ethnic groups,

religious leaders, journalists, artists, judge, lawyers, and students. Killing the lawyers is okay. What if you're like, oh this is like when hillary let made all those guys in benghazi die yeah what about that or this is like when biden abandoned all those dogs in kabul that's a good one biden dropped his dogs like that we got to come up with a real term for that like the dog abandonment dude the dog holocaust the dog a cost um yeah no no bullshit when the taliban said they're collecting people's guns, my first thought was,

thank God we don't have to say that's what Nazi Germany did anymore. We can just say the Taliban did that too. That's like the Taliban's been doing it. You said, we can now update these outdated, ridiculous 80-year-old references. I hate it. When Gina Carino

said this is just like the lead up to the Holocaust. I thought. The way you're treating Republicans. Yeah, and then she got kicked off whatever. Yeah. Star Wars. Right. I thought that's good.

Not because of freedom of speech, but just because that's so dumb. It's so dumb. It's such a dumb thing to say. a dumb thing to say. Anything Holocaust, 1984, anything like that, it just fills me with revolt.

It offends me. Maybe that's how hearing the N-word feels to people. I've had people try to defend what she said, and I'm like, no, dude, you've got to put it in context. First of all, Jews are Jewishness, whatever you want to call it no it's annoying it's super annoying but it's also just incorrect well yeah yeah and it is lazy it's super lazy yeah it's

lazy it's all incorrect same way with that pedro pascal who's another star wars actor and he goes yeah you see these kids in cages here's some here's some jewish kids in cages you know puts the two things next to each other wow yeah oh it. Yeah. Oh, it's the same. It's the exact same. It's like the Maxell commercial. Every time someone makes a holocaust, whoa, man, no way. Your mind is completely blown. Are we in a simulation? My mind is blown.

Same people. Idiomen did kill 500,000 people. That's pretty good. One of his nicknames was the Butcher of Uganda. Same people. Idiom and did kill 500,000 people. Again. That's pretty good. One of his nicknames was the Butcher of Uganda. But if you want another nickname, Black Hitler. No, now you're doing the same thing. No, that is true.

You're right. Yeah, you can't do that. I don't know, man. Hitler was the wide Idiomine. Yeah. You might have a point. Black Hitler is a bad nickname. Yeah, but I have a feeling like kind of downplaying the severity of the Holocaust, like it's not a go-to metaphor, is anti-Semitic.

No. Well, I'd like to see you take it up. We know the Jews have suffered, and now... The most. The most, out of anything ever. Right, so you can't be supplanted by another metaphor. No. Right?

Yes, you can. Look, I think the Jews are under... No, because the Jews are underserved by saying, this public health crisis is exactly like the time we forced you all into camps and dropped a bunch of Zyklon B on you. I think that underserves them. Yeah. I think it cheapens the memory of these horrible events.

So if we're going to use any metaphor... Whose memory? At least move it along. There's not going to use any metaphor, at least move it along. There's not going to be any people who have memories soon, right? Well, you know, you're great after your grandma and you feel bad about that. Great grandma.

Dead. Definitely dead. Not always. You think there's 110-year-old grandmas out there who remember the Holocaust? Yeah, probably not. I don't think so.

No, there's not. I think there's a couple. Well, there's still Nazis that are alive, though. They're still hunting a couple Nazis. Like Nick Fuentes? Is that your... No, no, no, no, no, no, no. They're still...

They're hunting Nazis? Yeah, they're still... I think they just pulled another guy who's like a Nazi. Who's hunting Nazis? Dog the Bounty Hunter? No, he's like a 99-year-old guy hunter like a 99 year old guy who uh was let's see how old would he be now that would mean he was however so he was 20 when he was in the kids it's been 80 years right hold on 1930 i only know the years of world war ii because of indiana

johns if he was 20 years old in 1945 he would be like nine like 95 now 55 he'd be 75 95 so you're telling me they're hunting down a 95 year old Nazi? they found a 95 year old Nazi now where'd they find him? I don't know just hide now 95

there's not a statute of limitations on the Holocaust? your grandma doesn't have to be alive for you to have known your grandma and known what she went through and still be insulted that people are yeah yeah yeah it's a it's a passing on that you're like east coast west coast happened to my grandma i knew tupac i'm offended by what you're saying exactly i get it you sir are no tupac as they say that was a kennedy line i knew john f kennedy and you sir are no Tupac, as they say. That was a Kennedy line. I knew John F. Kennedy and you, sir, are no John F. Kennedy. Oh, is that what that's from? I didn't know that.

That's from, there was a presidential-like debate where some guy was running for president. That was what undid him. Because he was a little too young to be running for president. He's like, well, I'm the same age John F. Kennedy was. And the other guy goes, sir, I knew John F. Kennedy. I served John F. Kennedy. You, sir, are no John F. Kennedy.. And the other guy goes, sir, I knew John F. Kennedy. I served with John F. Kennedy. You, sir,

are no John F. Kennedy. And the room went, bleh, bleh, bleh. That was the original. The New York Times said, that was the Holocaust. That was the Pearl Harbor of blows. That was the please clap of its time.

Look, I agree with you. All metaphors, all war metaphors are stupid, but... Why not mix it up? Try a couple other wars. Try a couple other tragedies. Look up some... I know you've watched probably 100 World War II documentaries at this point.

Why not try a couple of other things. Just make your point without having to make an appeal to the same education that everyone has. That's what annoys me most about The Daily Show. I remember having this feeling while watching The Daily Show very explicitly, which was all the references they're making only exist because we all had the same public school education. What a shame. Like, all of these references are just because we all had to go to, like, a reference academy for 12 years and be primed to think jokes from one person are funny across the entire nation. What a fucking travesty this is.

I get bothered with that and, like, the literary and film canon is, like, for the longest time. Yeah. Everybody references. First of all, like, biblical references. I got it. I got it. with that and like the the like literary and film canon is like for the longest time yeah everybody reference first of all like biblical references i got it i got it we watched that fucking justice league you're like i know superman's jesus like i get it at this point i get it okay uh you know everybody's always referencing paradise lost uh what do you call it dante's inferno you just see the same references probably and you're like, yeah, I also read that book. And then they go,

it's just like 1984. It's just like 1984. You know what this is? This is just like 1984. No, it's not. It's not. The 50s were like 1984.

And I'm like, cocksucker, I don't even think you read that book. I think a lot of people have not read 1984. Did you have to read 1984 in school?

No, and if I had to have, I wouldn't have read it. Yeah. Because I didn't read any of that shit. I didn't read any of them either. I just looked up the fucking Cliff Notes. Yeah. Animal Farm was the one I think was big in high schools.

I didn't read that either. Because that's easier for kids. They go, oh, talking animals. I'm going to do this. I read John Grisham when I was a kid. 1984 has like sex in it, so they probably don't want to teach it to teenagers. Does it? Yeah, there's a-. 1984 has like sex in it, so they probably don't want to teach it to teenagers. Does it? Yeah, there's that one sex scene.

Him and that girl go above that dude's shop and they bang it out. And then she gets fat. Does she get fat? Was that part of it? Yeah, he runs into her later after he confesses. Spoiler alert! That girl gets fat. That's the worst part of the book. That's the worst part of the book. That's the biggest spoiler. That's the worst part of the book.

Dick reads 1984 and he goes, well, the real moral here is you fall in love with a girl, you got to keep an eye on her weight because she'll let herself go. No, no, no. The system did it to her. The system did it.

They had the rats in his face. Yeah. And he said there's four lights or five lights or whatever one it is. And then he runs into her later. and telling her it's a salad. No, she just got fat out of despondency.

It's like two sentences and he goes, he shook her hand. She had a little bit, it was a little bit thicker than he remembered. I said, ah! Dick's greatest fear is not living in a totalitarian government. It's having to date a fat chick. I already live in that. So at least your only escape from it is that you in a totalitarian government. It's having to date a fat chick. I already live in that. So at least your only escape from it is that you have a...

I just felt for the guy in that moment. You didn't feel any sympathy for him prior to that situation. Well, he brought it up. He brought it up. That's a good one to end on right there. Okay, so what do we have? Oh, shit.

I got to write mine down. Hospital nonsense. Hospital, price, transparency, noncompliance. Yes. What was yours? Pledge of Allegiance. Pledge of Allegiance. Mine was simulation theory.

And then yours? World War II metaphors. World War II metaphors. Go to biggestproblem.show to vote on these. I'll put it up right away. Go to patreon.com slash biggestproblem

to give us money so we can do this every week. I think it's two grand and we do this every week, something like that. Yeah. Just give us the money. What's the lowest tier?

Five bucks. The lowest and lowest tier? Five bucks. The lowest and highest tier is five bucks. So if you throw in five bucks, no one's going to come in above you. Yeah, you don't get to feel bad or anything else. Yeah. It's for you. You can do custom pledges on Patreon if you really want to make it happen. If you really want to come in with a hundred bucks or something like that.

So we could do the show every day. And also we're going to figure out some stuff we can put on there so that you can have a little bonus Patreon content. If you have any ideas. Yeah, I was going to say. You did say. I did say. Okay, we're going to do voicemails. Bye, everybody.

Dan Quayle, they're saying. Do we got any super chance we should check? I don't think we did either. The MTG challenge is on the table, Vito. Justin Sweat wants you to know that. Yeah, send me the details again. Send Vito the details.

Oh, Rich F. Vito thinks Big Bang Theory is also about science. I've never watched Big Bang Theory. Man, that was the worst two years of my life was people telling me, oh, you should watch Bazinga. You went to Cal Jack. You would like it. Yeah.

Because it's totally like that's what it's about. Same thing. Thank you for Jeff for the $5 in the bucket. That's it. That does go towards our monthly total, by the way. We're counting. Oh, good. As long as you're calculating.

Yeah. Okay. And then a fade out. Stop. I wish I could just jump into the voicemail, but I am too lazy. Here's the voicemail. How many voicemails we got? We got a bunch.

Wow. Wow. Here we go. Hey, what's up? This is Barry. Where's Barry? I'm a longtime fan of The Biggest Problem. I'm really enjoying the reboot.

But Vito, how the fuck did you not know Dick talked about Chris Chan? His problem was deinstitutionalized. It fucking won. What the hell, man? Do everyone a favor. Before you guys record, just the day before, listen to the last episode. Of the Dick show?

No, our show. Because the follow-up is really important. Oh, because you're not Chris Chan? That's a very important part of the show is the follow-up. Oh, and by the way, Buffalo Bill, it was implied that he was a woman. Yeah, the movies were a little subtler back then. Yeah. I mean, he was a transvestite, though.

What do you think about the first part, though? I don't know if transvestites consider themselves women. So what is he saying that I missed that you had talked about Chris Chan? Yeah, because I brought in deinstitutionalization. And you had talked about Chris Chan as part of that. Yeah. And then on the next episode that I... You said, we talked about Chris Chan.

You were all surprised about it. And I thought, I almost 5150'd you. Because I was like, do you have dementia? What's going on here? You don't remember that? Hadn't there been two weeks between episodes? Yeah. Which is why we should do it every...

Well, he didn't forget. Whatever. You know the biggest problem in the universe? It's passive-aggressive people. Because for the most part, you don't even have to be aggressive, right? You don't have to go out there and die on the shield and argue with everybody. But just, okay, example, right?

I grew up with just me and my sister. And then about a couple years back, I moved in with my dad and his new wife. Get three new brothers. Cool, whatever. Hanging out with the three new brothers i commit some kind of social faux pas yikes about 10 to 12 days later what's the big i'm informed that i did something wrong what did you do fucker why does no one tell me no this is the biggest problem guys you don't tell the whole story.

You fucking... Why is there this culture of if you have a problem with somebody, do not let them know that you have a problem. Tell it to everyone else. That way everyone hears this telephone game of a problem.

Like, hey, did you hear John ate all the pretzels? And then it hear uh john ate all the pretzels and then it goes from john ate all the pretzels to john stole money out of my purse and then from john stole money out of my purse john's a raging anti-semite it goes to this telephone game so by the time you get to that 10th or 12th day somebody comes over to you and goes, man, I got to talk to you. I heard some wild stuff. You're like, okay, well, what's going on? Hey, glad he decided to talk to me about it. What's happening?

And then they go, yeah, dude, you were the one that deployed nerve gas in Iraq. I just heard that the other day, like 10, 12 days ago. You did that? I didn't do that. All right. I got it. I was't do that. And then... All right. Yeah, I got it. I was going to say, maybe there should be a website

where you can passively, aggressively report what somebody did so they know that they did it, but they don't know who's reporting them. Guy's really whiny. Three minutes? He was going a little long with the... I don't know about this three brothers situation.

You got to tell us what you did. It's like Brady Brunch, but he's all three women. He's bearing the lead. I want't know about this three brothers situation. You got to tell us what you did. It's like Brady Brunch, but he's all three women in one voicemail. He's bearing the lead. I want to know. He went from Cindy to Jan to Marsha in the same email. He went big Marsha. Big Marsha.

Here's one about you. I don't know what this is about. Hey, guys. Sounds amazing. I just had a question. Hey, guys. Sounds amazing. I just had a question.

I'm... Well, I was watching Vito's live stream from Las Vegas where he was doing a very drunk rendition of Zombie by the Cranberries with 20 people that I assumed were under 200 pounds. But I noticed in a weird way that Vito, for being a big guy, has somewhat skinny legs. And that kind of threw me off. Yeah. And I just wanted to know why that is, Vito. Why do you have skinny legs for being such a huge asshole?

All right, man. Have a great one. Bye. Yeah, I don't know. My legs are a point of contention for people. Really? You've heard that before? I don't know if it's the skinniness and also that they're very pale.

Probably because I'm sitting at a desk all day, so where are they going to get a sun? You've got to slap a tanner under there. Yeah. Like a suntan machine. I wear these shorts, too, which I think are never long enough. And people are always just like, oh, why is he not wearing longer shorts? I don't know. Every time I buy a pair of shorts, I look at them for too long. No, here's why.

They're upset that you're not wearing a blue Dickies button-up shirt and a pair of khaki shorts, the standard fat guy uniform that every fat guy has. And if you're not wearing that, they're very upset. Black shorts. I've always been a fan of comfort over style. Why try to please anybody? What award am I going to win?

I used to wear track pants to high school all the time. People were like, how come you don't buy a pair of jeans? I'm like, they're not comfortable. I like track pants. Track pants are great. Track pants are so comfy. Oh, dude. And they would have that little stripe down the side

that makes you look like you're faster because it's like a running stripe. Yeah. Anyway, I think I nailed karaoke, though I will say I'm better at singing zombie when I go one key low. Yeah, well, they had the female pitch

on the karaoke machine, but you can get the male pitch, which is a lot easier to hit those notes. I love that song. I have some karaoke go-tos. What's your other karaoke go-to? I have a bunch. I like Flagpole Sitta.

It's always a crowd pleaser. Oh, yeah, okay. Harvey Danger. Yeah. Everlong is just a good one. Okay. Creeps a little too Radiohead. It's a little too much, though.

Too much. Because the verse sucks. Yeah. It's a little too uh radiohead it's a little too much too much because the because the verse sucks yeah it's a little too whiny i think yeah i do like that song though um i do all bgs i want i gotta find the somebody recorded the whole karaoke stream dude we were oh dude it was insane because uh you saw we were hanging out we haven't talked about that yeah i saw this stream i was like fucking andy signore and vito are in here with a bunch of whores this is the greatest thing i've ever seen yeah somebody why am i going to chicago and go to watb live and i could be doing whores we should have a karaoke uh thing and get

like a couple guys or whatever whores yeah we should get some whores you gotta talk to comstar man they'd probably sponsor your shit. Andy got sponsored by this. So Andy ran, he was streaming, talking about the OnlyFans thing. Yeah. And then this site called Comstar shows up in his comments and like, hey, we're Comstar. We're like a cryptocurrency for like, you know, fuck OnlyFans.

You can buy porn with crypto. And he's like, all right, fuck it. I don't care. And they're like, here's $100. And he's like, oh, well, I'm paying attention now. And they just got to talking. Only who? Only who? Yeah.

Where the fuck am I? Ended up paying for his whole Vegas suite for a week. What? Yeah. Andy Signore talks about Britney Spears. I talk about guy shit,

like women being fat. That's what I'm saying. Where the fuck's my money? You should talk to Cumstar. What the fuck? Dude, they bought him a suite in the fucking- I know porn stars by name

dude i can i know i can identify him by their tits they got him at the bellagio too it was like a nice fuck off dude and they got a free suite at the bellagio and they paid escorts like three or four escorts a night to come by and stream about movie shit oh no really dude signora was living the fucking life i'm not even i... I was like, wow, you really got a sweetheart deal here. What the fuck? You gotta contact Comstar, man. Comstar. I gotta contact Comstar. Signore is another... He's a

business maker, though. He's a smoozer. He gets all these fucking... I heard him shouting at all the people on karaoke. I was like, yeah, that's classic Andy Seuss. Dude, Signore... Okay, let's go. Let's go. So, what's the next song? What's the next song? Let's go. I mean, let's go. Are we going or what? Oh, my God.

He's a producer, man. He produces all day long. You're like, dude, just hang out. I really like that guy. Well, he's a good businessman. I like when he yells at people. He should do that. He yells at me.

Awesome. He yelled at me, and I was like, you don't understand. You're the producer. I'm talent. So I can do whatever I want, and you just have to deal with it. But you didn't say that to him. No, we were joking on the stream, and I basically talent. So, like, I can do whatever I want, and you just have to deal with it. But you didn't say that to him. No, we were joking on the stream, and I basically said... Because we had...

Okay, so we had the girls... Basically. We had the girls coming over, right? And I was like, well, I have to shit, and Andy Signore's suite has three bathrooms. Go to the lobby. No, I'm not going to the lobby to take a shit. I just took a shit. A shit in a suite with a bunch of whores coming over?

They weren't there yet. They didn't come for another 30 minutes. Oh, you think your shit is going to be gone in 30 minutes? He had fucking airspray. It did not matter. It's going to smell like shit airspray. We didn't... The bathroom was...

Shit Febreze. Oh, my God. There's like a fucking living room, and then you go in. It was like all the way away. Why would you risk it? Who gives a shit? Everyone and the whores. Everyone except...

And you would, too. No, I wouldn't. Once you got all that shit out of your head that you're thinking with. So what did you do? I don't care if someone takes a shit. I really don't. It's a human bodily function. But other people do. Fuck them! I'm the talent. Deal with it. You're gonna tell the whores? You're gonna tell the whores? Look, you guys got those tits all over the place, but I'm the talent. They're also the talent. See, the co-talent.

They're the co-talent. I can do whatever I want. You got to deal with it. That's how you got to be. So where did you shit? In one of the fucking toilets. I didn't shit on the floor. But which one?

Like a far away one? It was, yeah. You should have another room for shitting there was it was a second whatever all right last voicemail hey dick it's sean from arkansas just wanted to say that uh i think we really need to repeal the 19th amendment and i'm not looking forward to taking all those fucking afghan refugees i love the show though keep it up. Which one's the 19th one? The 19th one is the one that made drinking illegal.

Don't you agree that we should repeal the 19th? Oh, prohibition? We should bring it back? We shouldn't. No, that was the one that made it illegal. Yeah. So don't you think we should repeal the 19th Amendment? Has it not already been repealed? No.

They just started drinking again. Really? They never officially repealed the 19th amendment so don't you think that we should repeal the 19th amendment i feel like you're tricking me you're definitely tricking me it's women's right to vote you motherfucker you want this yeah i got it because i yes, we should repeal the... Oh, you cat-shocker. You almost got me. I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Okay, goodbye, everyone. Thanks for coming by. Biggestproblem.show. Bye. I think that was a fun one. Yeah, that was good. Found some good problems this time around. Oh, those were fucking great.

I can't believe all that shit about the the pledge yeah the secret history of the pledge oh shit I just missed a call yeah