The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 90

Episode Date: May 20, 2023

The Myth of American Gun Violence, Parasocial Relationships, Having to Get Out of the Shower to Get Something, Arizona Inflation...

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Now wait, you gotta wait on the screen now for some reason. What? If you minimize the screen while going live, it doesn't work. You're live. Now do I have to wait for that to go away? No, now you're actually live. Huh. What a juicy, juicy delight you gave me right before we started.
Starting point is 00:00:16 And I can't say anything. Don't say anything. Unless someone guesses it. No. With a super chat of $20. Only then can I talk about it. We have other stuff to talk about. I gave Dick a juicy... Yeah, but you can't do that to me
Starting point is 00:00:30 because I have a disability where I can't think of... If you tell me something like that, I can't think of anything else. No, everything... So I can't do the show. It's not that big a thing. I'm probably, you know, thinking too hard about it. Look at this. First of all all two problems
Starting point is 00:00:45 Yeah, I have white on white so I look like it. Yeah, I was gonna say that's weird Remember that I was wearing white shorts when I was driving home. It's I got my stupid fish tank shirt Yeah, and I was all excited to wear it on the show So I washed it right and I take it out of the fucking dryer And it's got a big fucking smudge on it weird like yellowish stain on there I don't know if people can see it it's all over it how did that happen if you just got it I just got it I opened the bag and put it into the washing machine you wash a brand new shirt when you get it yeah otherwise it's all like it has creases and it's itchy. Weird. It's itchy. Okay.
Starting point is 00:01:26 Well, this sucks. I was going to say, like, maybe that's on purpose. Maybe they pre-stained them. You think they pre-stained it? You think Frank hassled my shirt? Like the Pope, how he blesses everything in the gift shop? I mean, what name was on the package? Was your name on the package? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:01:39 So maybe you got hassled. Maybe they said, oh, it's going to dick. Let's wipe our ass with it. You think it's ass on my shirt that I got? That's a weird stain. Well, fucking great. You think of ass right away when you see my new shirt? I mean, I've been watching that show.
Starting point is 00:01:56 All they do is piss and spit on each other. Look, it's all over it. This was like a $40 white shirt. I thought I was going to look like a black guy and have like a crisp white shirt was there something in your dryer that got on it no what would be in a dryer i don't know my other clothes are in there just fine god damn it there aren't yeah it is weirdly stained i think they punked you man it's all over here too yeah it's right under the little fish a little bit oh my god so I gotta wash it again
Starting point is 00:02:29 Yeah, I think you gotta take like a tide stick and go over the stains and get a match You ever get those little like you rub on the stain and Yeah, I have a tide stick a tide stick, but then it will make one thing look like bleach. So it looks like you come It's why it'll look fine. It doesn't look good if you use a tied stick. Kelly Ripper, whatever that bitch is. How much was that shirt actually? Was that shirt actually $40? Like $40. Yeah. I bought it before my plumbing all went bad.
Starting point is 00:02:50 I'm going to take a picture of it and make them for $20. Kildos or that industry just get bootleg fish tank merch. This sucks. Yeah. Why didn't you get the Josie shirt like Tony from Hack the Movies? Fuck Josie. Fuck people who like Josie. Have you seen he's been getting ripped apart because he's like the poster boink?
Starting point is 00:03:10 Of Josie-ing? Yeah, they have a picture of him wearing the Josie stimming shirt and everybody's going, Oh, this is what Josie fans look like. And it's always Tony for Hack the Movies. Why don't you stim my nuts, you bitch? How about that? Fucking ting-tang walla-walla bing-bang all night. I would have gone in there and smashed that shit.
Starting point is 00:03:27 What's the deal with this? Straighten up, you fucking puzzle piece. What's the deal with this airsoft fatty guy? Why does he just get naked and break stuff? Cause he's fat. You should do that. Whoa.
Starting point is 00:03:39 Audio, audio clipped there for a second. Still good. Still recording. I wasn't recording at all. That's why. Oh, okay. Well.
Starting point is 00:03:47 It's just fucking. Well, now it's recording. It's like I'm doing more fucking audio work tonight. Yeah, you're going to have to pull it from the show. And probably our YouTube will get banned, so you won't even be able to do that. So. Oh, hey, yeah, that thing. I mean, we're going gonna talk about it at some point
Starting point is 00:04:05 It's the greatest thing that ever happened to me Are we saving that? Let's save that I thought so you're just saying you can't I can't talk about stuff you're saying but you can Talk about whatever you want that's happening to me Well I didn't say you know It just kind of came up naturally You volunteered it
Starting point is 00:04:21 Well I realize now that our YouTube channel Is definitely going away in like the next six months and it's going to be your fault. But that's fine. How is it my fault? I didn't even do anything that bad. I didn't even do anything bad. I know you didn't. You might still get your channel back.
Starting point is 00:04:37 Yeah. Did you launch another appeal? Yeah, I just typed the N word until it said there's no more characters. That's not useful. Don't do that. Then I did a robo lawsuit lawsuit You know that do not pay thing You can file robot lawsuits against people That's not gonna work
Starting point is 00:04:52 What else am I gonna do? I got my own, you got Indian guys I got fucking robots, let's see Who's gonna fight in the streets To figure out who's right and who's wrong Well, I think. I mean, are we just talking about it now? You want to start the show?
Starting point is 00:05:09 What are we doing? Let's start the show. Start the show. It's already ruined. Yeah, it's all ruined. Your shirt's ruined. The show's ruined. I mean, come on, man.
Starting point is 00:05:17 What could I have put in the washing machine that would cause this? I think they fucked with your shirt and then they sent it to you. Well, that sucks. I should have put a different name on there Yeah you probably should have Sam Hyde's probably laughing Cause Dick's wearing his piss shirt For a full episode At least you washed it before you put it on
Starting point is 00:05:34 Maybe it was smart that you did that It just looks like piss instead of actually being piss Piss would go in a blotch though This is like smears maybe they took like a little sponge and they dipped it in piss and they kind of they are smears yeah what do i gotta do how do i fix this i think you gotta i gotta talk to the manager well i gotta talk to jet i think you could maybe send him a message to go hey what's the deal what's the deal yeah someone shit all over my shirt shit all. Someone shit all over my shirt.
Starting point is 00:06:05 Someone shit all over my fish tank shirt. Someone got smudged all over my shirt. And he's a little smudged up. It's a little too big, too. I should have got it large. I was going to say, it looks a little big on you. I was fat when I bought it. Did you lose weight?
Starting point is 00:06:15 Yeah, I lost like probably 20 pounds. Yeah, me too. Oh, yeah? No, I have no idea. You don't weigh yourself? No. I got to scale upstairs. Go do it.
Starting point is 00:06:25 Let's weigh you every week. See how that... How that will go over here or whatever the fuck. I don't even remember what it's called now. Semi-glutide? Yeah, I forgot to inject it. I think I'm overdue. You forgot to do your magical weight loss medicine?
Starting point is 00:06:38 Are you serious? You couldn't even be asked to do that? They invented a fucking magical. They invented a magical cure for fatness. And all you have to do is inject it. And it makes you not eat and shed weight like a prize fighter. And you couldn't even do that. I'm really just, I can't remember to do shit.
Starting point is 00:07:03 I got to figure it out. This is the only thing I can't remember to do shit. I got to figure it out. This is the only thing I can remember to do every week. I have all these alarms and they go off and I don't know what they're for. Well, you got to title them. Yeah, but I don't know, man. Fan, please email Vito every day at 6 p.m. Telling him to take his fat person shot. But I'll be asleep at 6 p.m.
Starting point is 00:07:21 It'll be like 10 p.m. I don't know. No, it's just like it always changes. Everyone email Vito all day And tell him to take his shot This week's been All over the place I had to go on OAN At 9am
Starting point is 00:07:32 And then I have to go on Fucking other shows Later What kind of other shows Did you go on? Alex Stein I don't want to talk about it Yeah alright
Starting point is 00:07:43 Some people said that it was fun I don't know Biggest Problem In The Universe Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe The only show that ranks every problem
Starting point is 00:08:01 In the universe Fuck, and I had a rhyme and I forgot it. I wrote it down on the notes thing and it didn't make it over the computer notes thing. I'm your host, Nick Vastich. I didn't forget it, though. I'm joining me as always, Vito Giswaldi. I had a good one. Oh, no, wait, I didn't have a good one.
Starting point is 00:08:21 Women in Star Wars to Ripping Up All My Floors. That's my... That's pretty good. Pretty good. It's okay. How you been? I didn't have a good one. Women in Star Wars to ripping up all my floors. That's my... That's pretty good. Pretty good. It's okay. How you been? Star whores is what that problem should have been. It's a little much.
Starting point is 00:08:33 It's a little much. It's like a you way to do it. That's a little much. It's not an EVS way. Everybody loves that guy. Well, not everybody loves that guy, but yes. Not everyone loves EVS? What do you mean?
Starting point is 00:08:44 Can you move that mic for a second? I gotta zoom in Like I said I gotta re-zoom in I went on a Okay Yeah No I'm way too big
Starting point is 00:08:50 You're way too big? Alright how about that? Yeah that's probably better Well still move the mic though I gotta focus it on you It's focused There you go No it's slightly different
Starting point is 00:08:57 You can't tell Cause you're wearing those Fucking nerd glasses That you got on I went on another show With these guys And they were like mad That I had Ethan on our show
Starting point is 00:09:08 Cause they're like Lefty comic fandom guys Or whatever They don't even like that a guy is like making comics Minding his own business like Eric July Shut up That's where it gets complicated No they think Ethan
Starting point is 00:09:23 I mean I get it he's got like Politics that people don't like think They think Ethan I mean I get it He's got like Politics that people Don't like And Yeah I just think Ethan's Smarter than most of
Starting point is 00:09:31 Those guys in that sphere Yeah Like there are guys In that sphere I think Who are like legitimately Like yeah There shouldn't be any Gay comic characters
Starting point is 00:09:38 Gay people are evil Blah blah blah I'm like I don't think I got bad news for you buddy They're all gay And so are you For reading comics.
Starting point is 00:09:46 It's all very complicated. It's been it's been a weird fucking week, man. Really? Yeah. Okay. Why? Because I got like, you know, left wing guys lecturing me for having Ethan on the show. And then I'm going on One America News Network.
Starting point is 00:10:03 And I'm like, Do I belong here? Am I supposed to be here? And I'm just like I just I don't understand politics Oh It's a It's a
Starting point is 00:10:13 Anything goes contest for resources That's what it is Let me help you out I just wanna like It's a bunch of lying For resources I just really wanna make a fun comic But I feel like
Starting point is 00:10:23 If I just did that Nobody would care You know I'm having this existential crisis Your whole comic thing Just makes me never want to make a comic Like If you're listening to this show
Starting point is 00:10:35 And you wanted to make a comic Because you thought it would be fun and cool Just like don't Well I thought it would be fun and cool And then like It became This whole fucking thing And I'm fighting with eric july you are doing that i'm trying not to why don't you just say nice things for a week i'll try
Starting point is 00:10:54 and you're not taking your fat medicine i'll take my fat medicine and i'm just really confused okay i don't know if i like i don't think you could survive a day in my world medicine. I'll take my fab medicine. I'm just really confused. Okay. I don't know if I like... I don't think you could survive a day in my world. No. With the amount of actual hardships I have to endure. Yeah. Like my YouTube channel getting canceled. Right. My plumbing being destroyed. My shirt having
Starting point is 00:11:18 a big stain on it that I didn't put there. There's a big difference. Yeah, but I think you know who you are. You know? You're like, I'm Dick Masterson. I'm this guy. I'm on Cozy. Yeah. I'm on Cozy.
Starting point is 00:11:31 I'm having fun with Nick Fuentes. Yeah. And I go. YouTube deleted all my videos, too. I had like six million videos there deleted. Yeah. Honestly, I feel like I'm more upset about that than you are. Maybe you're just handling it really well or wearing a mask.
Starting point is 00:11:48 I don't give a shit. Why not? I don't care about it. That's sad. Sad for whom? I'm sad that your channel got deleted. It bums me out. Don't be bummed out.
Starting point is 00:11:59 It bums me out because I hate this idea that these tech companies have that power me out because i i hate this idea that these tech companies have that power to just immediately decide that all this hard work you've done is just new garbage and crash because an algorithm decided or guess what i'm coming to kill them i mean i stop you're gonna get this fucking show stop i'm trying i am always all the time trying to fuck up their democratic, liberal, tyrannical stranglehold over the country. Yeah, of course they fucking cancel my shit. I'm doing that at all times. Of course the bank's fucking doing that all the time. I'm anti them.
Starting point is 00:12:38 Fuck them. So surprise, surprise. They fucked me. And all the people working there, every fat bitch working there, every fucking moron reporting me to, I'm coming for all of you. Keep going. Let's go. You want a war? You fucking got one. I guess I just don't have your fortitude.
Starting point is 00:12:54 I wouldn't be able to handle it. If my YouTube channel gets deleted, I don't know what happens. Crying. No one's getting a comic. That's what will happen. I don't know if I would I don't know if I would cry I didn't cry when my Twitter got deleted I was just really like
Starting point is 00:13:08 God damn it Yeah It's just like constant You're just trying to make stuff And you just want to be able to go to a human being And be like Listen man I just want to make people laugh
Starting point is 00:13:19 I just want people to have fun I don't I want to hurt people I want to hurt their feelings So they feel bad about saying what they have to say and what they think so that I can take their resources because that's the game we're in. Did you really get knocked for the Transformers thing or is that a different thing? Yeah, I got knocked for that.
Starting point is 00:13:35 I got knocked for everything. That was a copyright strike they hit you with for that? They hit me with copyright. They hit me with, yeah, copyright strike for that. And then the final strike was Tess Holliday. I got unbanned and then I got re-banned an hour later the final strike was uh Tess Holliday I got unbanned and then I got reband an hour later for making fun of Tess Holliday the very first fat watch if you can believe that they said that was harassment that's harassment yeah I agree but she's the one doing it she's harassing all of us with her fatness she's a like a rich famous person
Starting point is 00:14:03 right doesn't she have money she has anorexia. Yeah. Oh, she obviously has money. Look at the size of her. But she's a public figure. She eats six dinners a day. She's a public figure. Vito.
Starting point is 00:14:12 You can criticize public. Here's the thing. Not like I do, you can't. Not like I do. Okay. I don't, I don't, I don't. Like, I'm terrified. And you're just like, I guess just run with it.
Starting point is 00:14:27 You're like, fine with it. That's what tyranny is. It's terror. They are intending to inflict terror and harm. Yeah. I'm constantly in fear for my, my livelihood. Yeah. You think like begging and explaining to them is going to work?
Starting point is 00:14:46 No. All right, fine. I'm going on cozy. Guess what? I'm going to say even worse stuff. Well, you going on cozy is going to be a real challenge for a number of reasons. But you know what? I can't fault you for it.
Starting point is 00:15:06 You gotta go somewhere, right? They picked a good picture of me for cozy. They did. It was a really nice picture. Adam 22 screwed me. I hope the Groypers like us. I don't know. There's gonna be... They're not gonna like a lot of my nihilism and stuff, but... They're not gonna like...
Starting point is 00:15:20 Well, they're Christian, right? Or they're Catholic? I don't know. They're religious guys. We all hate women. That's what's important. Guys, don't know they're religious women that's what's important guys don't you know yeah maybe i'm not so fan much a fan of god and stuff but let's all remember what's important that's why that's remember what got us here yeah women you you're always like i forget what it was you're like asking me something you're like why are you the
Starting point is 00:15:43 way you are and i'm like because i'm just convinced that at any point it just ends and you're in a ditch and you die. Yeah. Yeah. So that's like, you're like, why aren't you like excited about your comic? And I'm like, yes. In the like immediate short term, this is, this is good. And this is great. And don't forget, we're almost at $35,000 on Indiegogo.
Starting point is 00:16:05 That's nothing compared to what Ethan said you should be at, though. Well. He said $100,000 or less. That's definitely not happening. It would be if you apologized to Eric July and got on his stream. Well, I'm not going to get on his stream. Maybe you would. I don't know what to say about Eric July.
Starting point is 00:16:24 I can appreciate that he made a comic. That's it. That's like the most condescending thing I've ever heard. I don't know what to say anymore. Well, you tried. That cake in The Simpsons. Well, you tried. Then he puts it in the, yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:39 This is going to be a weird show. I've got a lot of emotions just to float around. Let's do the, uh... Who's winning? You're acting like your YouTube channel got cancelled. Uh, land acknowledgements, number one. It feels like my YouTube channel got cancelled. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:54 I feel you, see you say I don't have any empathy, but I do, for a situation I can actually understand. Yeah, but you're just feeling it for yourself. You don't empathize with me You feel like it happened to you I do empathize with you Like I'm sad And your audience And like all the comments That were on the videos
Starting point is 00:17:09 And all the The history that's there Who cares Some of that stuff I care I don't know It's just sad That it's just gone
Starting point is 00:17:19 Like some Some fucking robot Decided A woman Decided Worst than a robot Probably a woman The robot said it was fine And a woman decided. Worse than a robot. Probably a woman. The robot said it was fine.
Starting point is 00:17:28 And a woman came in and gobbled it up. If I were you, I would be profoundly sad about the situation. I guess you're making the most of it. You're also going to be on Rumble or something? Yeah, Rumble 2. Okay. Yeah. Okay.
Starting point is 00:17:42 So who won? Land Acknowledgements, you won. My bitch realtor Number two And then Women in Star Wars Third That's too bad for Ethan EVS
Starting point is 00:17:51 Well I think he was learning The rules of the show And maybe We'll have him back Chris Hyde says Natives in Washington State Always get time At ribbon cuttings
Starting point is 00:18:00 And parades To fuck around Shouting and hitting drums Like Yoko Ono So fucking annoying. Man, they did that at Burning Man this year. They had this whole, like... A little ceremony?
Starting point is 00:18:10 Yeah, for natives to dance and do drums and shit. It was really crass. It was, like, worse than blackface in a way. Yeah. Because at least, like, blackface is, you know, funny. Like, everyone knows why blackface is done. I don't need to explain it. But then instead of that, it's, like, worse to just, oh, no,
Starting point is 00:18:30 we actually are just bringing black people in here to do this, right? Like, that's way worse. Bringing the natives out there in this hellscape to, like, for the pleasure of a bunch of privileged yuppie drug addicts. Is everyone just, like, standing there and sitting, clapping? Yeah. Wow, this is so much. They're so in tune with the earth. It's kind of like a fucking petting zoo.
Starting point is 00:18:51 Yeah, exactly. Adrian says, Vito, pussying out on going to the WGA strike to counter protest was a huge lost opportunity on a potentially great bit. Dick describing you guys dressing up as robots with signs had me in tears for shame veto i will do the bit and you'll do it now if i can do it
Starting point is 00:19:12 under protest i'm sure yeah yeah somebody you gotta get somebody else to film it though because i don't want you know okay is there a guy who will do it maybe uh mr go ahead well i'm thinking the video is funny if you're like we're gonna go get those writers and I'm like I'm doing this out of protest I don't agree with the sentiment but I do agree with the comedic spirit I understand the joke and it is funny
Starting point is 00:19:35 Mr. Graphixable man I'm so happy this show exists me too but make sure you super chat that don't just waste it in a comment make sure you subscribe Because YouTube's gonna Or uh Make sure you Hit up the Patreon
Starting point is 00:19:47 Yeah Because that's the only way to find us After Dick gets in With his new cozy buddies And they flood the fucking chat Yeah cool With 1488 super chats Or whatever the fuck
Starting point is 00:19:57 What's that mean? You know what it means Um Oh that's Oh yeah okay Um Not a mark my sister graduated from college recently and the dean said that we like to recognize this land belong to whatever made up tribe i'm sure the majority of non-americans in the audience really gave a shit good and relatable problem veto oh is he saying that's bad he's saying no i think he's saying I think he agrees with me
Starting point is 00:20:25 Is he being sarcastic At the end there I can't tell Because he said it happened to them And then he said That It's not relatable Or it is relatable
Starting point is 00:20:33 I think he's saying It is relatable Okay well A good and relatable problem Vito Okay Imperial fool Being Native American
Starting point is 00:20:40 And getting our farm Expropriated Has been An awful and hilarious experience, especially when they start the expropriation meetings by acknowledging the tribes that were kicked off the land while kicking us off it again. Makes you really want to buy 45 tons of fertilizer. Wait, why are they expropriating your shit? Is that like government seizure or something?
Starting point is 00:21:00 Yeah, banks. Have you ever noticed how like Warren Buffett's always big on the estate tax? Yeah. That's so banks will tax the heirs of farms and then he can come in and buy the whole fucking farm. Yeah, because you can't, like, if you have a farm, you're razor thin margins. Yeah. Passing it on to your kids is like you have to pay tax on now, like, a value of land that's like $500,000. Right.
Starting point is 00:21:19 Which you can't do. Yeah, you don't have that money. So they take it away from you. Oh, that's horrifying. And then while they're taking it away from you, they say, I just want to acknowledge that we're here. The Wapakamoke who once famously owned this shit. They look like this guy over here.
Starting point is 00:21:31 We're taking his farm. The hellscape. What the fuck's going on, man? I just want to buy a house, and these billionaires keep making it impossible. I want to be a homeowner. I'm sorry. Who makes it impossible? The billionaires.
Starting point is 00:21:45 Who do you want me to say the Democrats? Is that the correct answer? Well, the Republicans aren't giving out houses either. Let's see, last one. David Gomez. God, Ethan wants his stuff to mean so much. Escapism in media is lost on these trad F slurs. What does that mean?
Starting point is 00:22:06 I think he was saying Ethan was taking it too seriously, that he was saying like, he wants his stuff to be a legacy. He wants to leave a legacy with his work. That's the point of art. Every artist. So what were you thinking when you painted this season, the Sistine chapel?
Starting point is 00:22:22 I just like, you know, it out for fun. thought it'd be cool. You know, guys like, and then Adam's like, whoa! No one ever thought of that before. I mean, there's some of that, but I think, yeah, if you're sinking your entire life into a creative
Starting point is 00:22:36 work, you hope that it's something that resonates with people on a deeper level. That's a fucked up thing to say to Ethan. It's a fucked up thing to think. Oh, you want people to think your book's like so good. Like, yeah. You want people to connect and like have happiness in their life.
Starting point is 00:22:53 What a fucking loser. What a fucking idiot. That's the most nihilistic fucked comment ever. Oh, you made something with your hands. You want people to be inspired by it? Escapism, guys, right? Jesus. I work 18 hours a day.
Starting point is 00:23:14 Look at this fucking loser trying to inspire people. God, can you imagine building a language of metaphors to communicate with other people about death and loss and the nature Of the intransigence Of man What a fucking nerd What a jackass We really live in like a
Starting point is 00:23:30 Look guys like I know you gotta be A little nihilistic To get through This fucked time We live in I get it But like
Starting point is 00:23:38 At the point you're going Man art is for F slurs Like you've lost the game Alright He's not even saying that. He's saying, God, he wants it to mean so... Capitalize so. He wants it to
Starting point is 00:23:52 mean so much. It's gay to create something that inspires, you know, and... Whatever, man. This is nuts. Brasive says, Vito is so butthurt about Eric July, he can hardly even fabricate a plausible argument for why.
Starting point is 00:24:09 Because you're so butthurt. I think I gaslit Ethan Van Shiver. Look, the real problem is that a guy who can't write got a bunch of money. That's it. I don't know why you didn't say that. When he asked you, you started going off. I'm like, wait, the problem is that he can't make a good comic book. Well, because there's other problems.
Starting point is 00:24:25 Because, like, I'm at odds where I go, look, I want there to be, like, independent success for people. And I am, like, upset when people go, well, here's the indie king. And I'm like, yeah, but not this. This is dog shit. Right. Like, why don't you guys find. And I think Ethan makes good stuff. He knows how to fucking draw and he knows how to make a comic yeah yeah yeah there's just and it's not even jealousy from me because i don't think i'm
Starting point is 00:24:51 made i don't know whatever i think he got picked as the savior because he's friends with all these douchebags and they promote him everywhere and i go yeah but he sucks yeah he just sucks can it be anyone else it's not that yeah could be somebody with Can it be a black guy That's like good at I don't even care If you pick Writing comics Like a weird homophobic
Starting point is 00:25:09 Libertarian black guy Just pick one who can like Write a really cool comic And I'll go Well that is a really cool comic You made I can't even argue with it Yeah
Starting point is 00:25:16 Like Ender's Game Yeah Like that's awesome Yeah And that guy just fucking Is like gay marriage Is the worst fucking thing That ever happened to anybody
Starting point is 00:25:23 I'm like well I made Ender's Game Take off the gay part I agree with you. Yeah. Okay, this is sent in by your mom. I should just be more straightforward. I should stop overthinking things.
Starting point is 00:25:33 My problem with Isam is that it sucks. Brevity is the soul of levity. Have you ever heard that? Yeah, I hear that. A great man came up with that one I have problems with Eric July Unrelated to the fact that his comic sucks But his comic also sucks
Starting point is 00:25:51 It's black, but his comic also It's not because he's black Here is a clip that was sent in by YourMom420 Alright This is from my A long time ago A clip from my show Yeah, here
Starting point is 00:26:01 I had a little, you know Like video wax in your ear. I go through Q-tips like crazy. I go through Q-tips like crazy. Why is that? Because you got so many cats, right? That's not secret. I'm pretty sure I've brought that up here before.
Starting point is 00:26:14 I have a box of Q-tips on my desk always. And I have to hide them whenever I... He got you. He busted you with his sleuthing He busted you Dropping clues like a serial killer About your weird proclivities With Q-tips
Starting point is 00:26:32 There was one year Like three years ago Where I got like Like four ear infections in a row And I don't know what I was doing wrong So I just now always have Q-tips And every time I take a shower I obsessively Make sure my ears have no moisture remaining in them
Starting point is 00:26:48 Because it was the most painful and excruciating Have you had an ear infection any time? I don't think so Oh my, dude, I wanted to stab my ears out It was like, I did not fathom that it could be that painful It was crazy Oh, wow Just like a literal stabbing in my ear
Starting point is 00:27:06 and I'm like, it felt like someone was stabbing my ear. Let me ask you something. When you masturbate the cats with a Q-tip, do you use the same Q-tip in your ear? Yeah. Oh, that might be the problem. Darn. That's the same
Starting point is 00:27:22 reason I bought that ear camera. Did you get an ear camera? Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, it's fun, right? It is fun Once Did you find anything in there? A lot
Starting point is 00:27:32 Wait, you had a lot of weird fucking wax in your ear? It wasn't weird wax It was normal wax Well, you ever watch the videos on like YouTube Where they got like crazy amounts of wax And the guy's gotta use like crazy tweezers to pull it out and stuff Oh, dude, those videos are awesome That's part of why I got the camera
Starting point is 00:27:47 But that was the weirdest thing is I kept getting ear infections No there was like nothing in there So I was like what the fuck am I even getting ear infections for I put it in my dick hole after that When I talk about weird I found some weird stuff in there I did put it on my nose just to see what it looks like And it was weird
Starting point is 00:28:03 It was Those spy cameras those things are cool Well you're the big winner this week I put it on my nose just to see what it looks like, and it was weird. It was? Yeah. Okay. Those spy cameras, those things are cool. Well, you're the big winner this week. I'm the winner. And I left my phone in a non-phone area, so I can't order another drink. This is going to be a rough one. Fantastic.
Starting point is 00:28:19 Well, Dick, my problem is a problem that's actually right here. As we can see, the beautiful Arizona can. This is the iced tea with peach flavor. Pretty good. Yeah. This might be my, you know what? I don't normally get the peach tea, but I'm going to say this might be my new favorite flavor. Okay.
Starting point is 00:28:36 What I love about the Arizona can, as you can see, it is a great buy. 99 cents. Right there. 99 cents. Yeah, it's just corn, oil, trash. 99 cents. there 99 cents Yeah it's just Corn Oil Trash Well
Starting point is 00:28:48 Shouldn't be more than that No it shouldn't It's premium Well it's Paid for by the government It is a premium Brewed blend of black teas Using filtered water
Starting point is 00:28:56 Yeah Okay High fructose corn syrup Whatever Citric acid Natural peach flavor Perfect Look these are delicious.
Starting point is 00:29:05 You don't like an Arizona tea? It's sugar water. No, I don't like drinking that shit. It's like even thinking about the taste of it. You're lost. How do you drink so much of it? What do you mean so much? This is how many ounces?
Starting point is 00:29:17 23 fluid ounces. Oh, my God. And it's a great buy at 99 cents. But as I discovered today at the Egg Roll King, some retailers aren't playing by the rules. Even though it says it on the can. Arizona iced tea, $2.49. $2.49. Dick, my problem is artificial Arizona inflation.
Starting point is 00:29:43 This is an outrage. It's not the first time I've encountered it, and it will not be the last. Okay. Retailers are trying to take a beloved American institution and gouge the consumer. Yeah. Knowing that we go, it says it right on the can. When I go, let me get one of those Arizona teas in my mind. I don't expect any surprise markup to be hitting me at the register.
Starting point is 00:30:08 She gave me the total. I did a double take. I asked for a printed receipt. I had to know what has happened. You know why? Because Arizona is a great American company. It's family owned by the Vigados. Okay.
Starting point is 00:30:23 Just a bunch of weird Italians, I believe. Is that Italian or Greek? I don't know. Is that different? It was a guy. He ran a delivery company, and he saw that even in winter, people were drinking Snapples like crazy. They loved...
Starting point is 00:30:41 This is a real story. Yeah, he ripped off Snapple. It's not really a great story He ripped off And I would say elevated The Ice-T game Okay By introducing the Arizona brand
Starting point is 00:30:55 Which is beloved What is so beloved about the Arizona brand Well it's the fact that they keep their prices low Since 1990 I had the year But this is 1992 that they keep their prices low since 1990. I had the year, but this is 1992. Arizona's been around. Even now in a time of great inflation, Dick,
Starting point is 00:31:19 did you know the price of aluminum has doubled in the past 18 months? Doubled the price of aluminum. The price of high fructose corn syrup has tripled since 2000. And gas prices are pumping up delivery costs across the nation. And yet, the Vagados keep it at an affordable 99 cents. It should be $9 a can. No, no.
Starting point is 00:31:43 Just because you would pay it. No, I wouldn't. That's what it should be. That's can. No, no. Just because you would pay it. No, I wouldn't. That's what it should be. That's what they said about cigarettes. Everybody said, oh, these are two bucks a pack. There's no way I'm going to pay it. And then. The Vigados care about us.
Starting point is 00:31:56 But they've also been very shrewd businessmen. They've managed to maintain a less than a dollar price point by focusing on efficiency. to maintain a less than a dollar price point by focusing on efficiency. They pack their recycled aluminum cans and their cans use about half the aluminum of other competing beverage companies at twice the speed they did in the 90s. And they also only ship the tea
Starting point is 00:32:17 in lightweight trucks at night to avoid traffic slowdowns. This is how they make it 99 cents? Is that the fucking point of this? They ship it at night. Book report that you're reading? By lowering the cost of production and shipping, Arizona passes the savings on to you. They also save a fortune because they don't need to advertise.
Starting point is 00:32:36 Oh, yeah, clearly, because you guys will fucking talk about it nonstop. There's no stupid, what do you call it, guy on the can telling you, LeBron James telling you to guzzle it down. They don't need to pay fancy celebrities to get the word out. People know about the value. Okay. So what? Your Chinese store overcharged you for Arizona iced tea and you're upset about it? Yes. You could just drink water. It's free. Well, I like Arizona. I had notes that the company is so devoted to this 99 cent price point that they actually
Starting point is 00:33:14 have a hashtag campaign, keep the 99, where consumers can send them pictures of marked up cans. That's why they print it on the can. They don't want them to mark it up. Well, I'm sure. And yet these... Yeah, keep it cheaper than everything else so people keep drinking this slop.
Starting point is 00:33:32 It's not slop. It's the same thing. It's literally slop. What are you drinking? Whiskey. With? Diet Coke. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:33:39 So Diet Coke is fine. No, the whiskey is the part that I'm drinking. Diet Coke is like a time machine. Why don't you have a whiskey and water? Water? Yeah. I don't know. Maybe I should. You could.
Starting point is 00:33:55 It would look like piss. I don't want to look like somebody who looks all over your shirt. Point is, Dick, the Arizona company cares about the consumer, and clearly these greedy retailers do not. I don't know. Have you seen the famous, I think it was an episode of, what's that show that black guy did?
Starting point is 00:34:17 Too Frat for 15. Is that what show you're thinking of? My 600-lb Life. Hey, I hate this. 1,000-lb Sisters. What show are you thinking about? Donald Glo-pound life? I hate this. A Thousand-Pound Sisters? What show are you thinking about? Donald Glover. Community?
Starting point is 00:34:29 No, the other one. His show. Not Detroit. Detroiters? No, it had the name of Atlanta. That was the name of his show, right? Oh, Atlanta? I think so. It was about black people living with white people. Get around. One black man takes... That's Atlanta for you.
Starting point is 00:34:46 Yeah. I think that I didn't watch it. Birmingham, Alabama. And there's like a black guy. You think this is racism, boy? You ought to see Back in the Party. No, that's not what the show was at all. I don't know how you determine...
Starting point is 00:34:56 And then an even older black guy comes up and goes, That wasn't even racism back in the party. Oh, wow. I haven't seen this shit before. Thanks, Donald Glover. Oh, man. America's so racist. Oh, wow.
Starting point is 00:35:04 I'm glad that you know. It must be so hard. Every black sitcom has been determined by you. Point is. Let's go down to the writer's strike and pitch that show. You want to go to the writer's strike and pitch ideas? The whole show is like Quantum Leap, but black guys where a black guy complains and an older black guy comes in Like well actually
Starting point is 00:35:25 I'm from fucking The year 1100 And I'm on it Right We should be fun We should go We should go down To the writer's strike
Starting point is 00:35:31 With like typewriters And just a sign That says We will write Episodes of Modern Family $5.99 an episode Yeah Scabs for hire
Starting point is 00:35:42 And let's put on wigs Yeah We just go This shit is easy Whatever you want Hire us soon. Yeah. Scabs for hire. And let's put on wigs. Yeah. We just go, this shit is easy. Whatever you want. Hire us. We'll be trans. Okay, so. The point is that I was trying to make is that Everyone's going to vote down this problem.
Starting point is 00:36:01 I think some people will identify with this problem. I don't, you know, I like Arizona tea. Yeah. And I think if it says on the can 99 cents, it's false advertising. They can't charge more than that. It should be a law against it. So you want them to put a sticker on the 99 cent things? So it doesn't say it?
Starting point is 00:36:20 That's what they try to do. They try to cover it up. The Arizona company says That it hasn't been a problem People putting stickers Over the 99 I mean they can sell it For whatever they want
Starting point is 00:36:29 It's a free market But really $250 $250 I understand What would make you go No How much would it have to be
Starting point is 00:36:38 $7 I bet $3 is the most I would pay for in Arizona Which is a lot I don't know about Really? I'm not paying $4 $4 for this?
Starting point is 00:36:49 I'll just go to the 7-Eleven or something But 7-Eleven won't even sell them anymore now A lot of 7-Elevens have like their own tea brand That's a whole other problem Is it way Tastes way different Arizona ratio Yeah it tastes like shit
Starting point is 00:37:01 This is not Like the Arizona is It is a premium brewed black tea, I'm going to say. Premium brewed blend of black teas using filtered water. It's like a bunch of vats, and they just dump in, like, bags of sugar. You know, we're in a time of inflation. All these companies are reducing the size of the product you get. They're charging more.
Starting point is 00:37:22 One company is doing right by the consumer, and you poo-poo it. What kind of American are you? I don't know. Arizona cares. Okay. And I care about Arizona. Artificial Arizona inflation is the problem. Amazing.
Starting point is 00:37:40 I hate this fucking show. Who cares? It's going to get banned in like a week anyway. What, this show? Yeah, you're going to go on Cozy and you're going to say some Nazi stuff. What's Nazi stuff about that I would possibly say? No, but like somebody's going to be like, oh, here's my guest, Bobby the Nazi, because it's Cozy. You mean Andrew Anglin?
Starting point is 00:38:01 Cozy's biggest. You think I could have Andrew Anglin on my show? I think all those guys are gonna come on your fucking show I'll be like a baseball coach For the Nazi baseball team Let's go, let's go, go, go, yeah Someone's gonna go to YouTube Yeah, yeah
Starting point is 00:38:15 Someone's gonna go to YouTube And they're gonna go, do you know that you're platforming This gentleman who's Interacting with You don't think Nazi baseball team would be fun? Who is on coach? Like the Harlem Globetrotters, but it's like the U.S. Americans versus the Nazis. And it's like silly baseball.
Starting point is 00:38:35 I would be fine with a Nazi baseball team. That sounds pretty funny. Everybody likes a heel team. And the first baseman, when he catches, he sig-hiles and has a catch, right? Or he catches with his glove like that and stuff. Get it? You know me. I will never turn down more theatrics in sports.
Starting point is 00:38:51 You know, like the sports uniform problem. They should all have spikes and eye patches. Like what? One guy should have a gun. Okay. He's the one who just always brings a gun to the game. Gun tricks? He gets ejected
Starting point is 00:39:08 once every four games because he just shoots a guy who's running the bases. Every time they try to do wrestling in other sports, people just don't like it, though. I was watching American Gladiator clips the other day, and man, what a show.
Starting point is 00:39:24 It was so great! And the Gladiators were mean other day And man What a show It was a good show It was so great Yeah And the gladiators Were like mean Yeah They were like dicks Yeah Because they were on meth A lot of them were like
Starting point is 00:39:32 Steroids Steroided out Yeah Roided out of their minds Yeah And they were like Knocking the contestants down Going oh yeah
Starting point is 00:39:38 Not in my house You just got hit by ice And you're like Oh those fucking gladiators Yeah It was great You had somebody to root for. Alright.
Starting point is 00:39:48 Are you done? That's my other problem is to bring back American gladiators. Last time they did, they fucked it up. They put Muhammad Ali's daughter in there. And Hulk Hogan is not good. Yeah. They didn't get it right. Okay. Here's my problem. It was either gun control or the myth of American gun violence.
Starting point is 00:40:05 What do you think about that? The myth? How is it a myth? The myth of American gun violence. Yeah, okay. The myth. The myth. Of American gun violence.
Starting point is 00:40:14 Myth, myth, myth, myth, myth, myth. Of American, American, American, American gun violence. I look forward to these stats. Let me hear these stats. Do you need any stats? Yeah, I do, actually. How much gun violence have you seen in your life? Like, none?
Starting point is 00:40:28 I've heard. Where is it all happening? Gosh. Look, let me get some binoculars. Oh, wow. No gun violence happening around here, huh? I always hear about it, but I don't ever seem to see any of it. I don't know anyone who's...
Starting point is 00:40:40 Well, hold on. No, I do know... I knew a guy who got shot. By himself? No. Killed himself? I know a couple guys like that. I think I do not. I knew a guy who got shot. By himself? No. Killed himself? I know a couple guys like that. I think he got shot.
Starting point is 00:40:48 I wonder if he just got knocked. I think he got shot. To death. I'm watching that. You see that poor pregnant woman struggling with that bicycle with those gentlemen. Please say, okay. And I thought. You're not in cozy mindset yet.
Starting point is 00:41:04 Wouldn't it be great if they just See that's gonna be the other problem You're gonna be streaming on cozy And you're like I can say anything I want Cause you do that on a fucking What is it Rikada's show
Starting point is 00:41:12 I'm going on that show tonight I heard you dropped an F slur on Rikada Well I think you can do that though I've said the F slur before I think you can say it on YouTube I say it all the time When I'm not being recorded Yeah
Starting point is 00:41:21 Okay I'm watching that Poor pregnant woman get her bike stolen by those gentlemen. By those. And I thought, wouldn't it be great
Starting point is 00:41:33 if they just thought she might have a gun? Why? What would happen in that situation? I don't know. Just think. You think they'd freak out?
Starting point is 00:41:41 I'm pretty sure they don't think she has a gun. Yeah, that's why they're acting the way they are Thought she had a gun I'm at the gas station And this gentleman
Starting point is 00:41:49 Comes over to me Please don't do this What? Go ahead This gentleman comes over to me And he goes He has his one hand in his pocket Yeah
Starting point is 00:41:57 I don't know why In his In his In his hoodie pocket Hoodie pocket Okay You know To put your both hands in
Starting point is 00:42:05 Gripping his Arizona He goes He got any change I'm like No I don't have any change I would give it to you If I had it But I don't
Starting point is 00:42:12 Because This isn't the year 1996 You fucking retard No one uses money Or change anymore Why don't you get a job Yeah Simple
Starting point is 00:42:22 Polite response Normal Filling up gas Normal thing to say Why don't you get a job? Yeah. Simple, polite response. Normal. Filling up gas. Normal thing to say. And he stands there staring at me with his hand in his pocket. I'm like, man, I'm pretty sure you got something in there. I'm pretty sure you don't have a hernia and you're not Napoleon. So I don't know why you have your hand.
Starting point is 00:42:42 Wouldn't it be great if you thought I might have a gun? Yeah, because then you would just walk away and leave me alone. I don't think you you have your hand wouldn't it be great if you thought I might have a gun Yeah, right now walk away and leave me alone. I don't think you'd be acting like this That's the theory I suppose that's the theory Wouldn't a society be better if you knew at any moment someone could look at you and kill you yeah I'm not gonna be fucking fiddling around with my belly button and my shirt. Yeah. Okay, here's the reality of gun violence. So every time I say anything like, well, yeah, don't go after guns.
Starting point is 00:43:14 We need those because these gentlemen are acting... Lots of people. Mostly men. Mostly men. Sure, men. Are acting fucking crazy. Yeah. Here's the truth about gun violence, okay? Half of the deaths of gun violence in America are in 127 cities. Does that seem a little... Does that seem like you were thinking about in those terms or not?
Starting point is 00:43:42 It's a big country. Well, 127 cities is a lot of cities. It's a lot of cities? Okay. What percent of the population of those cities represent? Well, why does that matter? Well, because we're the most people. What do you mean?
Starting point is 00:43:54 Why does that matter? I really want to know. If those 127 cities contain half the population, then it would make sense. Okay. Here, let me go through the cities for you that have all the gun violence. You said half the gun violence occurs in those cities? It's in 127 cities. America's a big place.
Starting point is 00:44:11 I don't think half our population is in 127 cities. Here, let me just... I don't know. Okay, let's just try this one, all right? This is one of the cities at the top is Baltimore. Yeah. That was surprising to me. I didn't realize that.
Starting point is 00:44:27 Somebody told me that recently. Now. That Baltimore is the most dangerous city. I'm going to say that's the myth of American gun violence. Because I learned that and I said, yeah, that seems about right. Yeah. Baltimore. Yeah, that would have been in my top.
Starting point is 00:44:40 I thought Detroit would have been worse, but I guess Detroit's only third. Well, Detroit's a close third. Very close third. Very close third. We're looking at one bad weekend probably away from being number one. Memphis, Tennessee. I think there's also more people in Baltimore, right? Potentially.
Starting point is 00:44:59 Kansas City, Cincinnati. Where's Oakland? Why do you ask Oakland? What would make you ask about Because I lived in Oakland It's about 15th down It's about 15th on this list Yeah that's uh
Starting point is 00:45:13 Having lived in one of these high crime Cities uh huh It's like why does anyone Live here there's no it's It's an excellent question Have I told my oakland story where oakland's on the border with emeryville and emeryville is where like pixar is for some reason because it's a little bit cheaper than being in san francisco they're like oh we'll be in emeryville
Starting point is 00:45:36 we're gonna transform it into a vibrant colorful neighborhood by virtue of us being here yeah and there was some guy painting a peace mural literally painting a peace mural in emeryville yeah and some dude rolled up and shot him to death and stole his paints and shit and i was like that's like the perfect definition of emeryville is some hippie going we can all get together have your brother in oh god ah and then just getting shot to death by some gangbanger asshole and the response is well we got to do something about all this gun violence in America. And the only correct response is, well, there's not really all this gun violence in America. It's kind of just these cities for some reason.
Starting point is 00:46:18 Right. So why don't you guys do something about it and leave everyone else alone? Sounds like a city problem. You know, that's a good point. Is it? I think so, yeah. Yeah. That if you're living in a rural area, maybe you do have a better right to have a gun.
Starting point is 00:46:35 And if you're some inner city fuckoid. Well, wait a minute. You have a right. Yeah. You have unlimited rights for all firearms. Well, well. This is the issue. Well. This is the issue. This is the issue.
Starting point is 00:46:46 If you just take these cities where gentlemen are shooting each other for some reason, I don't know, and take them out of the stats and then just have all of rural America and everything that's not these 127 cities or these 20 cities. Like, look at how fast it drops off. Look at this. Yeah, but New York is so heavily populated But look it's down there But it's only like Double London
Starting point is 00:47:09 Like the gun crime Or the homicide rate In New York Is only like Double London So what London has a fucking problem too They got all kinds of
Starting point is 00:47:19 Gun control over there You can't even You can't even have A fucking kitchen knife Without a license Right So if all of these, if it's just this
Starting point is 00:47:27 chart that is causing all of these problems, I'm gonna say it's a fucking myth. If all I have to do to avoid gun violence in America, I wasn't gonna say nuke, but I'm for it,
Starting point is 00:47:43 is not go to these cities., but I'm for it. Is not go to these cities. As long as it's localized. San Diego, you wouldn't consider that a gun violence ridden place, would you? And here it is in the top 20. So where is the fucking gun violence?
Starting point is 00:48:00 You know what? Maybe you're right. Maybe just stay away from these horrible, horrible places. Just don't go to fancy. Don't go to Oakland. I'll tell you that right now. Yeah, don't go to Las Vegas. Well, I want to go to Vegas.
Starting point is 00:48:15 You just got to stay away. Stay inside. Stay on the strip. Yeah. Or Fremont Street. Fremont Street's pretty great. Don't go to Terrible's Casino. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:25 Philadelphia. I've been meaning to go to Vegas pretty great. Don't go to Terrible's. Casino. Yeah. Philadelphia. I've been meaning to go to Vegas again. You want to go to Vegas anytime soon? Not soon, no. Yeah. I was trying to get a buddy to go. Why? You feel like going to Vegas?
Starting point is 00:48:36 I got a buddy. He collects games, same as me, so we'd hit up all the game stores. So here's something even funnier. Let's see here. In Oakland, analysts found that networks of just 1,000 to 1,200 high-risk people caused 60% of the city's
Starting point is 00:48:56 murders. Yeah. So 1,000 people in the city. In some weird circle of weirdos. It's like how they just found out in New York, isn't it like 30 people caused like every shoplifting? Two-thirds of the shoplifting. And you're like, well, just kill them. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:12 Or just lock them up for a longer period of time. Whatever. Whatever you want. Or ship them to Australia like we used to do. Put a Trump hat on them. Fucking shoot them. Do you see what I'm saying about the myth? It's like, wow, there's so much gun violence.
Starting point is 00:49:28 It's like, well, you got 1,000 people causing more than half of it. So... Lock them all up. Pay them to stop doing it. Just give them a million dollars a piece. To stop killing people. To stop shooting people. And if they run out of money, give them more money.
Starting point is 00:49:44 Yeah. Whatever you do, don't make this like a whole political thing. So doesn't that mean they're going to get $2 million in the next year or so? Gavin Newsom said the most presidential shit I have ever heard in my life. Wait, did Gavin Newsom really comment on the reparations shit? Gavin Newsom said, I'm not approving this because reparations is about more than money. And I said... Gavin Newsom said, I'm not approving this because reparations is about more than money.
Starting point is 00:50:05 And I said... I said that... That is bold. That's right, black people. That is bold. That's right. Reparations is about more than money. That's true. That's right. Reparations is about more than money. That's true. That's true.
Starting point is 00:50:29 We can't even put a price tag on your suffering. We couldn't even possibly honestly to calculate the amount of money you're owed would be a disservice to you. Would be insulting. If we had offered you, you guys are saying we're not
Starting point is 00:50:46 offering enough you're right and that's a shame that's a shame because it's about more than money we don't want to insult you with i'm gonna think about when he's president and like after after but after the next biden yeah when he's president i'm gonna think about that every fucking day oh man that was the funniest fucking thing i have ever heard. Reparations. With his hair and shit. About more than. Reparations about more than money. Gavin Newsom really stepped into the fucking reparations thing. I mean
Starting point is 00:51:13 well he had to. Well they were just fucking around. They weren't actually going to give it to him were they? Yes. What do you mean? San Francisco was going to give it. I have no idea. What are you talking about? They get money all the time. They get more than that. All right. I got to look this up.
Starting point is 00:51:26 That's hilarious. Wow. In New Orleans. Reparations retardation voted down, I guess. That problem has been solved by Gavin Newsom. The most based. Remember Gavin Newsom when he locked us all down in our homes? He was out living it up, partying.
Starting point is 00:51:42 That's awesome. That's based. I wish i could lock everyone in their fucking homes and then i could just go around the street like cartman yeah we couldn't possibly calculate how funny that would feel to let let the reparations committee go on for like six months like nickel and diming and figuring out like, Oh yeah, this, Oh yeah, this, someone called me then. Yeah. Okay. There's the figure 2.3 million. And then you give it to them and you have like, you're, you are fucking dumb enough to think that you're
Starting point is 00:52:15 going to get all this money. He's like, you know what? It's not enough. And actually we don't have enough. Yeah. If we can't put a price tag on it, what you want, it would be an insult to give you anything. You know. Here you go. Oh! It's not enough! You deserve more than this. You deserve more than this. Then give it to us. I just... I would, but it would be insulting
Starting point is 00:52:38 for you. This is about more than money. It's about more than money. You all agree with that, right? You all agree that it's more than money. You all agree. It's not just about the money, right? What a fucking genius Do you think any I want to say like every black person knew they weren't going to get the money But I think some of them really thought
Starting point is 00:52:55 You mean more money Yeah, I think some of them really thought Oh, we got Whitey this time We got this one all locked up Well, they'll get something Yeah We'll give them a Well, they'll give them some sort of a prize.
Starting point is 00:53:05 They'll come up with some little like program. In New Orleans, just 600 people were involved in more than 50%
Starting point is 00:53:16 of the fatalities. Wow. Less than 1% of the city's population were involved in 50% of, so all this shit is just a couple people that we refused to arrest and put in jail.
Starting point is 00:53:29 Yeah. That's the American gun violence. Not only is it these 20 cities, but it's also like fucking 2,000 guys that we could just kill and not have to have this dumb conversation anymore. But is it like they're drug runners or like organized crime guys and they're telling their guys to run around and those guys are all idiots and they kill people? Yeah. Yeah. Anyway. Fascinating.
Starting point is 00:53:54 The myth of American gun violence. And then half, it's always, you know, half the statistics are suicides. Yeah. Which it's, why is that even on there at all? It's a big guy. Yeah Why is that even on there at all If anything that's one of the pluses Of gun violence is Get out of here quick Yeah that's what I always say
Starting point is 00:54:12 Ha ha ha Ha ha ha Plus I just like the mouth feel Of a gun dick you know When you're feeling it out Anyway Don't forget to back Super Killer Now available on Indiegogo
Starting point is 00:54:27 It's going alright It's kind of hit like a little plateau But I think it'll pick back up How are you going to promote it? Just making like YouTube videos Hoping that people watch them and then afterwards go check it out You gotta do stunts Yeah
Starting point is 00:54:40 Dress up like Super Killer and like beat Kill a subway person Kill a Dress up like Superkiller and like beat, kill a subway person. Dress up like Superkiller and then choke a guy out on the subway. And then do like a fake news thing of it. There's so much, there's so many ways to promote. You have to do it though. I'm overwhelmed. I can't do anything.
Starting point is 00:55:01 I'm paralyzed. Everything's a nightmare right now. Okay. No, it's going to be great. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. How'd you get this depressed again after you... It's like you did this comic and you got so much money and now you're depressed again and they've destroyed my YouTube channel and I literally don't care.
Starting point is 00:55:24 All right, you're right. I seriously don't care. I just, I seriously don't. I, I, I'm happy that you're not depressed. Because I was, I felt bad for you and I don't like it. I just don't like this, this, this world, this thing we're living in. I'll just make this my problem. Whatever. Okay.
Starting point is 00:55:39 Well, you didn't have another problem? Well, I had another one. You're just making this. Okay. I'm making this. Okay, do it. I'm trying to think what it is. Well, explain it. Not enough super chats? Getting super chats in too late? Not enough super chats. Is that the problem?
Starting point is 00:55:52 That's a problem. It's, uh... How do I explain this? I don't like what I've become. Let's just do a different one. What have you become? I don't like what I've become. Let's do a different one. What have you become? I don't know. Like, I wanted to just...
Starting point is 00:56:10 Is this like Conrad, the Heart of Darkness? I'll say this problem. I don't think I've ever done this problem. Yeah? Is this whole... What do you call it? What's that thing, that term they use when you have these... Parasocial relationships. Okay. Okay, that term they use when you have these Parasocial relationships
Starting point is 00:56:26 Okay Okay, that's the problem Okay So the problem is, like, right now there are people who are listening to the show, right? And they listen to your show or watch my channel You know? And there's channels that I do this with that I watch them all the time And I go, hey, I like those guys
Starting point is 00:56:43 And I watch them long enough And you start, you know, you see them all the time And you hear them all the time And I go Hey I like those guys And I watch them long enough And you start You know You see them all the time And you hear them all the time And you go I kind of feel like I have a connection
Starting point is 00:56:49 With these guys Even though they have No idea that I exist Well you do And I Well yeah Kind of Yeah
Starting point is 00:56:56 You know I mean I'm always weird Because I watch like creators Who are like cool And I'm like Oh this guy's cool And my instinct Is I always go
Starting point is 00:57:03 That guy would fucking hate me if I ever met him I think that about so many guys I go I really like This guy's content and he's really cool And he's interesting and if he ever Met me he would think I'm the biggest piece of Shit that ever lived I don't know
Starting point is 00:57:18 Like who? There's this guy Comic Tropes Who makes cool videos about comic books. Okay. That guy would hate me. Comic Tropes? I really like Red Letter Media. And you think they would hate you?
Starting point is 00:57:37 I think. Why? I think me and Mike, we might be like, okay. I think I could win Mike over. I think Jay would absolutely. I'm looking up comic tropes. Hey everybody. It's Chris from comic tropes.
Starting point is 00:57:54 Comic tropes. If you don't know, is a channel that analyzes comic book history and techniques. And now I've got a new, this guy hate you. I don't know. Seems like a fucking doofus. Just like you. Fucking comics, blah, blah. This is YouTube memberships.
Starting point is 00:58:07 If you click the join button below. Obviously that helps me. Why do you think he hates you? Is he out there? He's got less subscribers than you. You would kiss your ass. No, no, I don't think so. I think, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:58:20 I always get this feeling that like, I don't know what the— this might be a whole different problem. It's just like, don't play it. What you're describing is not a parasocial relationship. Yeah, it's a weird stalker thing that you're doing with this guy from comic shows, like Mac and Chase Hutley from Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Or I would listen to the Pat, the NES punk podcast. That guy would absolutely hate me.
Starting point is 00:58:48 And Ian, Ian did fight with me on Twitter. One time he was mad that I was defending, uh, Justin Ryland. And he said, Justin Ryland's about to file. So I, I, I at least confirmed one of these guys would hate me. Uh, anyway, But I think other You on Twitter is not the best you No that's true That's a whole other problem
Starting point is 00:59:11 I think the problem though Is like me as a creator I was talking to Ethan Van Shiver about this Yeah After he called in I was like yeah He was like Vito's gotta you know Start building bridges out there
Starting point is 00:59:23 To get his comic going Yeah Oh well I already fucked that up got to, you know, start building bridges out there to get his comic going. Yeah. Oh, well, I already fucked that up. I already fucked that up. And yeah, Ethan sent me a message about why I can't be on his show. And that's fine. Because I keep fighting with Eric Geline because I got baited into it again.
Starting point is 00:59:41 Just apologize. I apologize. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say I don't know what to I guess the point I was trying to make is that I just wanna like I don't know how to do this thing Where like I want to be honest
Starting point is 00:59:58 With my content you know I don't wanna be in like Entertainer doofus mode And I don't want people You know I don't wanna be like hey I entertainer doofus mode. Uh-huh. And I don't want people, you know, I don't want to be like, hey, I'm secretly your friend. I'm secretly your dad. Yeah. You know, I'm your best friend and give me money
Starting point is 01:00:12 because I'm going to like elevate you and we're all in this together and whatever else. And then like, but part of me is like, if you got to like, there is some of that, like I do appreciate the audience, you know, and I'm like, I'm like eternally grateful That they're helping me out I just worry I can't give enough
Starting point is 01:00:28 Or that it's gonna be fake Uh huh You know That like the relationship We're forming Where like a guy Sends me a message He's like hey
Starting point is 01:00:36 You know your comic is great You know I'm so excited And I'm like And then I'm like Like guys are sending you Like one off messages And you're having like A full blown
Starting point is 01:00:44 Existential crisis over it. Yeah, kind of. Some guy messaged me on Patreon and he said, hey, why'd you block me on Twitter? I've supported you for seven years. Yeah, they always message me when you do that. I've supported you for seven years. Don't you think blocking is like a bitch? I always thought you kind of would think that blocking is like a bitch move and i said fuck you don't ever tell me
Starting point is 01:01:08 don't ever tell me how to behave and he goes okay sorry uh i was like okay so what's your name i'll unblock you it's uh yeah i don't know man it's uh you're saying you couldn't live up to their expectations Yeah I think that's it I think that's it Is that I like worry that they're You comic guys Ethan Van Cypress
Starting point is 01:01:36 Fucking Writing us out of Writing an epic like of Gilgamesh Yeah And you're breaking down over a $35,000 comic. I'm not breaking down. It's that I don't know if people, I want people to get like the honest me, you know? I don't want to be fake.
Starting point is 01:01:59 Because there's like so many of these like guys are just out there and they're like, I'm your dad. I'm your brother. Right. You know, I'm going to teach you how to be a real man or whatever the fuck else. Yeah. And it's sick. Yeah. Like Andrew Tate.
Starting point is 01:02:12 Yeah. Yeah. But then I worry that I'm like, well, like, am I doing that subconsciously? Like, do I have to do that? And then you start kind of doing that as you start like being like, hey, I am your buddy. I am your friend. Come celebrate me or whatever. Come celebrate me. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:02:31 Isn't that like a birthday though? You literally do that to your real in-life friends. Hey, come celebrate me. Yeah. And I don't know, man. You just don't want to go too far with it Yeah do you think maybe that
Starting point is 01:02:48 Guys like Andrew Tate And like Eric July like they really are Being genuine and that's just who they are See that's what I don't understand and maybe that's why I get so Upset with like Eric July is this whole like We're gonna win You guys are all part Of this thing I'm building this is our
Starting point is 01:03:04 Company yeah it's not gonna work Yeah of this thing I'm building. This is our company. Yeah, it's not going to work. Yeah, where with me, I'm like, this is my comic. I made it. Like, I love you guys. Yeah. You're not, like, really a part. I don't know.
Starting point is 01:03:16 But you are, you know, because that's a shitty fucking thing to say. Yeah, but you made all those lunchboxes and stuff for people like you, even though it was a dumb idea. I guess the whole thing of, like, crowdfunding is, like, the constant messaging of, like, this is our journey. We're in it together. Kickstarter should put this in their testimonials of you having a fucking meltdown. Look at some of our successful creators. Like, dude, I just love you.
Starting point is 01:03:38 Yeah, I just don't know if I could, if I could. I mean, I do. I don't want you to think that I represent you, but I do really feel like you're my friends and I appreciate it You gotta fucking get a grip melting down over this comic About Ralph's meltdown was bad I thought Ralph's meltdown was bad. What's going on? Are you alright? I am not fucking alright.
Starting point is 01:04:15 You'll be okay. You want to take a break? Give me a minute. Alright, alright. Dude, I'm... Give me a minute. All right. All right. Get a beer. All right. What's the chat saying? I have no idea. They're probably like, he's having a fucking mental breakdown
Starting point is 01:04:48 Episode 91 Vito couldn't make it today Now I can't see Bring it back Oh my god Are we live? Okay there there there I can't see. Bring it back. Oh, my God. Are we live? Okay, there, there, there.
Starting point is 01:05:10 We're back. Good. Okay, so the moral of the story is Vito needs to sleep before we do a show. And not get two hours of sleep. Okay. And just come in all fucked and upset don't worry the comic will be good your comic everyone likes it i'm really mad that your channel got banned well i'm mad the mr girls channel got banned i'm mad that we're just like slaves to these fucking yeah Tech companies Yeah And I
Starting point is 01:05:45 You feel like just powerless And it's fucked Yeah Um Everyone in my family's Lives have been destroyed by communism Going all the way back to like my Mom's dad
Starting point is 01:05:59 Yeah So I'm kinda used to it Um It's a It's a eternal fight. That's what your comics are about, you know? Yeah. But it's real.
Starting point is 01:06:12 It's just really, I don't know. It really bothers me. I just want everyone to, like, I don't know, this whole week I've just been, like, upset about that. It will never get easy to fight these people, but it has to be done. There is no living without struggle and sacrifice for us, and there never will be. At least we're still doing the show. I'm sorry I'm being weird. It's been a weird week It will be okay
Starting point is 01:06:47 It will be okay because we have friends Who will help us and an audience who will support us It doesn't matter how many platforms I get kicked off of People will follow me Not all of them but a lot of them Will follow And you they will follow you
Starting point is 01:07:04 It's okay. It's like when my Twitter got banned, like I catastrophize. I'm like, it's all over, you know? And I'm glad we're still here doing this show. And hopefully I haven't fucked everything up. Oh, okay. Yeah, every, yeah, that'll, it'll be, oh, people will go, that episode where Vito had a meltdown and cried?
Starting point is 01:07:30 Just terrible. That wasn't entertaining at all. I fast-forwarded that part. Just bad. Bad radio. That's what they'll say. I think everything's gonna be okay. I just...
Starting point is 01:07:50 It's hard to be earnest, you know? I'm not! Obviously not! Most people, most broadcasters would trade, would sell their souls for a moment of earnesty like that.
Starting point is 01:08:08 That they cannot, that they cannot do on air. Because they don't understand what they're doing. I'm so happy to be doing this show. And I gotta stop because it's just getting worse. Are you going through menopause? I have no idea So that was your problem? Parasocial relationships? Yeah that's the problem
Starting point is 01:08:35 Okay my problem is Having to get out of the shower to get stuff I hate that It's the worst It's the worst thing ever Like soap And shampoo and stuff Yeah stuff. I hate that. It's the worst. Like soap and shampoo and stuff.
Starting point is 01:08:48 Yeah. Yeah. You yell at your girlfriend like, hey, can you get me some soap? But they like to pretend that I'll just yell, oh, I can't hear you. You ever have to shit in the shower and then you gotta get out of the shower to take a shit?
Starting point is 01:09:05 A classic. That's a classic. Gotta get out of the shower to take a shit? A classic. That's a classic. That's a good bathroom problem. Got to get out of the shower to take a shit. Got to get... Oh, fuck, I forgot my masturbating lotion. I don't want to jack off with soap. Get a bunch of burns on my dick.
Starting point is 01:09:17 Yeah, what's the deal with that? Why does certain soap, like, if you jerk off with it, it hurts? What is that? It's the cuts on your penis. Yeah, but there shouldn't be any cuts on my penis. Your cats are getting revenge. I have found a lotion that seems to be fine. Yeah? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:09:33 Is it very scented? It's like a peach or an orange. Peach, yeah. That's good for a penis lotion. It's pretty good. Did I tell you I bought the Target Stroker? You know, this is not a good ad for the Target Stroker. I want to be
Starting point is 01:09:54 streaming down my face as I talk about the Target Stroker. I think that's what the audience wants. It's like 20 bucks. It's pretty wants. It's like 20 bucks. It's pretty good. It's like this weird blue thing. I thought conservatives are like mad that Target sells it.
Starting point is 01:10:12 Sells jack off machines? Yeah. Well, it's not a machine. It's just like a, it's like a, like a wacky, you know, there's like tubes. It's just like a tube. All of Target only exists for jack off machines. So why wouldn't they sell them too? Women? Yeah. There you go. Target only exists for jack off machines So why wouldn't they sell them too Uh Women
Starting point is 01:10:28 Yeah there you go Yeah I hate when you gotta get out of the shower to get stiff But luckily I have The stroker in there Nobody comes over Nobody knows I don't use it all the time Sometimes though
Starting point is 01:10:44 Yeah But are you like this where like when you come You don't want it all the time Sometimes though Yeah But are you like this where like when you come You don't want anything near your dick Uh what do you mean near Like do you come Inside the woman Yes I come inside the woman
Starting point is 01:10:59 Normally I want to like pull out cause I'm like having like the sensation Of something around my penis As I'm ejaculating Oh, it hurts. It's like a little it's like a little too much since I got a power through that Sometimes they fuck with you about it. You're like all right. All right Fucking hammer you you ruined it. Thanks. You did all that work for nothing you fucked up again. I Also, you know, I famously hate calms, so anytime I got to immediately. Yeah, you famously do hate comms.
Starting point is 01:11:34 So when I have sex, I immediately have to go wash my dick off. It's got cum on it. No, no, that makes sense. Yeah. Getting stuff out of the shower. Water everywhere. We're back on track, folks. We're back on track. Everything's great. Having to get out of the shower. Get water everywhere. We're back on track, folks. We're back on track. Everything's great.
Starting point is 01:11:47 Having to get out of the shower to get stuff. Okay, so those are our problems. Parasocial relationships. This is the best or the worst episode ever. It's definitely the best. I don't know why you're doubting that.
Starting point is 01:12:00 Remember that episode Vito did? Wasn't that the one right before he killed all those people? Yeah, that one. Right before he climbed that clock tower because a tumor was pressing against his brain. I don't think you could hit shit.
Starting point is 01:12:13 How many times have you shot a rifle? I've never shot a rifle. You're not going to hit a god. You can stay up in the clock tower all day. I've played Call of Duty so often. I'll figure it out. Iron sights. Every time I go to Vegas, I say I'm going to go to a shooting range, and I never do.
Starting point is 01:12:30 Well, you don't have to go to Vegas to go to a shooting range. You can go to Corona. How far is that? An hour? Yeah. Take anything we want out there. We can go up to Mojave, just shoot. What do you want to shoot? Machine guns?
Starting point is 01:12:45 You're going to be like that little girl who accidentally shoots the shooting instructor. What is that? There was a little girl who was like 14 and they gave her an Uzi and she went, whoops! And immediately like shot. That's definitely their fault. They should not be giving an Uzi to a little girl.
Starting point is 01:13:01 She shot the shooting instructor right in the head. And I always think about it. I'm like, she's just got to live with that forever. People in there. Like, my buddy, my longtime friend from high school showed his kids his guns. And he's like, if you ever don't ever touch these, like, if you ever see a gun, find an adult. Like, rule number one. If you ever see it, find an adult.
Starting point is 01:13:24 But this is how they work always true like going over like basic gun safety but then that's great but the people who are like yeah here's my six-year-old girl with a shotgun here's yeah man i don't i mean i know it's weird because you're taking pictures of it and sending and putting it on the internet that's how i know it's weird. Well. Parasocial relationships. Parasocial relationships. And Arizona iced tea.
Starting point is 01:13:52 Arizona iced tea. Okay. That's more than a dollar. And having to get out of the shower to get stuff. And the myth of American gun violence. Okay, well, let's do some voicemails. Go to biggestproblem.show To vote on the problems
Starting point is 01:14:08 And patreon.com Slash Biggest problem Here's one that might Cheer you up Hey dude Hey Vito Just calling in to say
Starting point is 01:14:17 Vito You're a good guy And I think the internet Treats you unfairly sometimes What the fuck is this? I'll let you know You're a pretty cool dude Alright Alright Thank you What do you think this? I'll let you know. You're a pretty cool dude.
Starting point is 01:14:25 All right. All right. Thank you. What do you think? Where did that come from? He just sent that in. I don't know. All right.
Starting point is 01:14:33 Is that... He just sent that in. He sent it in. I don't know why he sent that in. What are you asking me for? Is that going to set you off? No, it's not going to set me off. Thank you. Okay.
Starting point is 01:14:43 Here's another guy. Hey, Rick. Hey, Vinny. Hey. Thanks. You want to know what the biggest problem in the universe is? The fact that Vito has still not appeared on PKA. I don't know what the message about that is. I mean, you have Father Time, a.k.a.
Starting point is 01:14:58 Matthew Woodworth, talking about things like sexcations, managing his fishing take, and flying around in a stupid lawn chair. You've got Kyle, who's a complete degenerate and a felon. Let's not forget that. The day Kyle can own guns again is the day I'll care about what he has to say. And then you have Taylor, a.k.a. Cranium Magnus.
Starting point is 01:15:20 You know what? I can't even watch PKA anymore because of his gigantic, disgusting dome. He does have a big head. Regardless, let's get Vito on PKA. There's a lot of crossover with PKA for some reason. Because you go on there I guess a lot. Yeah, I like those guys.
Starting point is 01:15:38 I always go on there and cause trouble too. PKA guys are watching this show because the PKA boards will be like talking about us and whatever. They should do a petition to get you on PKA guys are watching this show because, like, the PKA boards will be, like, talking about us and whatever. They should do, like, a petition to get you on PKA. Do a petition to get your fucking YouTube unbanned. There's got to be somebody at these companies. Why? Who cares?
Starting point is 01:15:55 I don't know because it's fucked. Fuck it. I don't make any money off that shit. Yeah, that's fair. I don't fucking care. But there's, like, some, you know, and I'm also mad that Mr. Girl is still banned from YouTube, but that's a I don't fucking care But there's like some You know And I'm also mad That Mr. Girl's still banned From YouTube But that's a whole different thing
Starting point is 01:16:07 Whatever man That's what happens Ralph got fucked Harder than anyone Ralph did get fucked Ralph got fucked harder Than anyone in the history Of YouTube
Starting point is 01:16:16 And the worst part is And he's still swinging And he's doing great Yeah but like He should be on They banned him For the stupidest shit How about Sam Hyde
Starting point is 01:16:24 He should be on like Sam Hyde should have A movie He should be on They banned him For the stupidest shit How about Sam Hyde He should be on like Sam Hyde should have A movie He should be hosting SNL Yes It's just not the way it works Yes And I
Starting point is 01:16:31 All the worst people You know what The reason I was like I'll do this writer's strike thing And they started like Looking at all the people Competing about the writer's strike And they're like
Starting point is 01:16:39 The worst fucking people Like all the ones All the WGA writers Yeah And they're like I wrote this show And they don't even And I'm like Like I support that You want to get paid more money fucking people like all the ones all the wga writers they're like i wrote this show and they don't even but i'm like like i support that you want to get paid more money but also you
Starting point is 01:16:50 specifically don't deserve it you know i don't know i get it i get it all these writers in hollywood are fucking terrible yeah um okay maybe we can have this one. Sam Hyde's recording like a new show though, right? He's written like a new season. Yeah, MDE2. It's great. Good. Good. But he should be fucking hosting late night.
Starting point is 01:17:15 Smoking five cigarettes at a time on late night. Shooting guns on television. I want there to be. Calling women fat. Yes. I don't know what we do. I feel like there's got to be a way to unite the cult. Unite the right?
Starting point is 01:17:32 Is that? Well, kind of. A fat woman got killed. Not the right specifically. You saw Vice is going out of business. Yeah. Did you ever read the original Vice magazine? No.
Starting point is 01:17:47 It was great. Yeah. It was fucking incredible. And even Vice, when they first started off, it was cool and subversive and weird and interesting. Yeah, okay. And then it got taken over by a bunch of loser idiots. I went on the Vice website, and it's like, here's the top 10 sex toys for trans, masculine, whatever. I'm like, who's going to read this?
Starting point is 01:18:10 That appeals to, like, two people. Or it's like, here's why that subway shooting or the subway strangling proves that America hates homeless people. And I'm like, what happened to, like, the fun? We don't need proof of that. I wish they were all dead. I would kill all of them myself. If I could just, if you guys just give me the go-ahead, I would
Starting point is 01:18:29 personally kill every I don't care. I would just do it for you as a service, as a psychopath to build up our brand and let you guys all know that you need us and you couldn't survive a day without us. And I look at like Gavin McGinnis, who I know but I think Gavin went crazy because they.
Starting point is 01:18:46 Yeah, I like him. Well, they de-plant him, formed him from everything. He was running his own ad agency and he got forced to close it because he wrote some article back when you couldn't say anything about trans people saying, hey, all these trans surgeries are weird and fucked. And like, you know, there's some whatever the fuck. Either way, it was all offensive and crazy So it feels like there's an alternate Universe where like all that stuff just Like we didn't have all this cancel culture
Starting point is 01:19:12 Bullshit yeah we just kept having Fun and culture didn't Completely suck the way it sucks now Yeah and it also all the People some of the people again like Gavin went fucking crazy and now they do Kind of suck because I'm like. He's old.
Starting point is 01:19:27 Well, they're old. Yeah. You get unplugged from the pop culture. You just like wither and die and become this approximation of what you were. Way more extreme in your views. You have to to survive. Yeah. To get attention and whatever else.
Starting point is 01:19:41 To get money. Well, that was what I was trying to tell some of these guys about Ethan Van Skiver He's evil he's a bigot he's the guy on the earth He's a guy that pretty much lost his job Because he was like you know A Trump supporting Mormon Like what is he going to do not be
Starting point is 01:19:56 I'm pretty sure he's Mormon so he has like very like Obvious like conservative beliefs And religious beliefs about certain shit And he lost his job because of it And then yeah so he ends up in a space On the internet where he says like super inflammatory Shit you know to get views And clicks and get people excited
Starting point is 01:20:13 But I was trying to be like I don't think he's like Legitimately like Like a crazy bigot I think he's just Again one of these guys is like well I lost my fucking Job so I might as well Have fun with it I don't know. No, that's kind of, I mean, anyone who's a Mormon is going to have beliefs that are like, that are bigoted. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:20:33 And that's fine. Right. Like you can be, you can be the most racist person ever as long as you like abide by the decorum of society. The amendments. The first amendment. Like don't do all these things like the third right the fourth right can't happen if the government just always obeys the bill of rights i just think this whole thing that like again like a guy like ralph or whatever else or i don't know anybody gavin is like by taking away people's platforms you're radicalizing you're radicalizing them yeah whereas it could have just been like,
Starting point is 01:21:06 yeah, he's a little out there, whatever. It's like, I don't think Ralph ever wanted to kill anybody. Ralph voted for Obama! Right! But then they just, we were just pushing people away from the mainstream, and then you end up, and you got a live stream
Starting point is 01:21:22 with Nick Fuentes, which is fine. And maybe Nick would even be A more normal guy if he wasn't banned From fucking everything Nick is pure Maybe even Alex Jones if he wasn't banned from everything Would be a little more He doesn't think Sandy Hook was fake
Starting point is 01:21:36 He's like yeah whoops sorry I didn't know that you could just Not say whatever you want He said QAnon is you know not real Or whatever else on his show. And none of us even care about that. Like, the people who love Alex Jones, we don't care about Zandy Hook. Right. I want there to be a space, and there isn't one.
Starting point is 01:21:55 And, like, people are trying to build one, but they all suck. Rumble kind of sucks. Rumble beyond sucks. Yeah. It's untenable. Yeah, there's no way To make it happen There's no way That it will
Starting point is 01:22:06 There's no way For it to survive They throw their money At Steven Crowder Which makes no sense to me Well that's money You could have spent On servers
Starting point is 01:22:12 On bandwidth Just build your Fucking ad platform man You can't sell gold You can't sell gold All the time How many gold ads Do you see on Google
Starting point is 01:22:24 None They're all That's the Yeah it's all gold ads You can't sell gold all the time how many gold ads do you see on google none they're all dude that's the yeah it's all you can't sell cbd and gold and survive but the nasdaq will crush you anyway they can just determine it and then it it will be illegal for rumble to say no to any nasdaq demands because it will destroy their shareholder, their stock price. I'm like worried that we are getting to a point where like you're just not going to be able to, there will be no culture because like it's all going to be controlled by like Google and Apple and whatever else.
Starting point is 01:23:01 Yeah. And the robot doesn't understand satire and it doesn't understand any nuance right so she's gonna be like oh you're joking about school shootings that means you're endorsing school shootings and therefore you're banned you know the robot works it's the fat woman that canceled my account that doesn't work the robot said you're fine the indians said i'm fine it's the fat woman who got the final say that said, nah, fuck you. It's the women. Yeah. Well, that is also the problem is that like, there's like all these companies have been
Starting point is 01:23:28 taken over by these fucking activists who get in there and they're like, we're just going to make it a little more diverse and a little more inclusive. And the next thing you know, they're like, oh, also, uh, we want to ban Dave Chappelle from our network. And you're like, no, we want to ban Joe Rogan from Spotify. Yeah. And like, thankfully some of those guys make enough money where thankfully the guys at the top are like, well, we're not going to do that.
Starting point is 01:23:50 But we can ban Dick Masterson if that'll make you a little bit happy. That's fine. And that's what they're doing. And it drives me nuts. Well, whatever. You got to go to the blockchain, man. Different. We're all.
Starting point is 01:24:02 You remember what it was like when we went from web 1 to web 2 Yeah We're doing it again Alright I do need to make a back buy Go to back buy make a back buy I'm gonna make a back buy is there still a fake veto on back buy I'll delete them Can you do that
Starting point is 01:24:18 No I can't delete I can never delete Your we can never delete Your subscriptions and your audience connection The back.by Slash name That is a domain name So that is a thing that exists In web 2 like the government can take that
Starting point is 01:24:35 But the financial relationships That exist between you and your people We can never take that no one can ever take that So you can just make like The government comes in and says we're taking back by whoop you can go make well okay this is like you have contracts to set up set up dot back by and it will all just keep going like i wish more people would take it seriously the thing you're doing it sounds like you have some guy coming on your show some gun guy yeah yeah yeah don't worry i got a five year plan I understand the Rules of engagement
Starting point is 01:25:05 I don't and that's why I'm terrified All the time Yeah cause you're like We all should get along And just like We work best We're all just like Cooperating
Starting point is 01:25:21 I will kill The only way to stop tyrants is to kill them. Yeah. And nothing else will do. So, that's the that's the situation we're in.
Starting point is 01:25:37 And they're gonna try to kill you first. Alright, let's do Super Chats. Yes. Studio. Get your super chats in Make fun of Vito For crying Oh god
Starting point is 01:25:55 Someone's gonna clip all this shit Clip it, it's the whole episode I really need to get more than two hours of sleep Before I come into this show The worst part is I send you a text. I'm like, I feel kind of weird today. I don't know. Maybe we should do the show tomorrow.
Starting point is 01:26:09 No, I can't. I have to go to the fair tomorrow to see if I won the mosaic contest. You got to go to the fair? What kind of fair do you have to go to? Is it a bee fair? Are there bees there? Happy episode 90 everyone Oh god
Starting point is 01:26:26 At least I only have to do 17 more of these And then I can quit Okay here we go Jungle bunny for two Rule 30 No koof Oh koof for two Thank you all for not killing yourselves
Starting point is 01:26:39 I'm trying my hardest buddy Jungle bunny for two Rule 34 Super killer Wait what do you want me to be rule 34 you want super killer to be rule 34 or both of us just porn of stuff uh yeah we'll make that happen lemon sake for two says with the tds channel gone my life has no meaning i'm right there with you sorry legacy for two we want more sergeant slaughter we gotta do i don't know we
Starting point is 01:27:03 can't do it because you got fucking copyright struck for playing the clip. The Transformers clip, right? Well, yeah, but that was a clip. It's just because people were mass reporting me. Who? Do you know who? Fat people? Fat people, man.
Starting point is 01:27:19 Yeah. Oh, I think there was other people. Yeah, I get it. Jahadobot for 25 says, please finish what you started last week. Call to prayer and denounce of Darth Vader as a whore. Is that what you did last week? No, $25. Not enough.
Starting point is 01:27:32 Not enough. Four on the way. Pop Quiz for $4.99. Andrew D.I.K. Okay. Should I know what that means? I don't. Britsman for $2.
Starting point is 01:27:42 Here's for our Killdozer 2 bullet. Inshallah, brother. Thank you. We got to build that thing. Able Diamond for five. Dwab Winkle for ten. Happy to super chat the final episode of Biggest Problem on YouTube. Also, insert obscenity here, YouTube.
Starting point is 01:28:01 Yeah, fuck YouTube. Absolutely. I hate, I'm like mad at YouTube I'm gonna take that I don't know whatever I'll get Into it it's just an advertising company They just exist to like sell Horse shit from Hollywood But again there was like an exciting period
Starting point is 01:28:16 When they were like funding shit and they were Funding like Norm Macdonald's show And you thought oh man Like independent creators like it's gonna Happen and I was just like no we can make more money by like promoting Jimmy Fallon and fucking carpool I don't know like me just like I me existing is illegal like all the stuff I like I can't fuck cocaine is illegal Fuck it everything like I want to do when I wake up and just exist Is just illegal
Starting point is 01:28:45 So I just never have any kind of Conceptions that That I'm allowed to do anything And like all the like forced Self censoring that you have to do And like oh you can't say this word Or whatever else I have to do that in real life too though
Starting point is 01:29:03 Yeah but not I don't know But if I'm talking to my audience I should be able to say whatever else. I have to do that in real life too, though. Yeah, but not, I don't know. Like, why? Yeah, I guess. But if I'm talking to my audience, I should be able to say whatever the fuck I want. I'll go on Backed By. You can do that.
Starting point is 01:29:11 I'll go on Backed By. Unable Diamond for five says, I'll be supporting the dick show on Backed By. Thanks. I hate how YouTube censors things. Yes. David Gomez for two. Ashley Babbitt noises.
Starting point is 01:29:23 That's what they did to you. Verico for 279. That guy was a thug That Capitol Police guy was a thug Did you hear Trump called him that? Yeah, I did I did hear that That's the N-word That is the N-word
Starting point is 01:29:38 Yeah, you can say that He was a thug That's one of the acceptable N-words Verico for 279 Canadians says what happened on Alex Stein? I don't know, man. Alex just like was like it was fun.
Starting point is 01:29:56 It was fun. We had fun. Did you cry? No, I didn't cry. Thankfully. He was just like bringing up tweets. He's like why'd you say this about Eric July? And then I was like I didn't really know what to do so I was just like I don't He was like Why'd you say this About Eric July And then I was like I didn't really know What to do
Starting point is 01:30:07 So I was just like I don't know Maybe I should've been More diplomatic But I was just like Ah it's a fun show So I was like Ah fuck that guy
Starting point is 01:30:13 No no no Say He can't write That's what I said My comic is better than his If you don't like If you like his comic Better than mine
Starting point is 01:30:20 I'll give you your money back If you bought a I saw him It sucks Send me your I saw him I'll send you A fucking super killer If you bought an ISOM, it sucks. Send me your ISOM. I'll send you a fucking super killer for free. I didn't mention that, but I did mention that he can't write.
Starting point is 01:30:31 His audience likes him and I don't want to pick a I don't fucking know. Leo for five. Josie gang. Diamond G for 20. Six. Apparently I can't say sixth. How are you supposed to say sixth? Sixth. Sixth? Sixth. Six, six. Okay. So apparently I can't say sixth. How are you supposed to say sixth? Sixth. Sixth? Sixth. Sixth. Sixth. Sixth. Sixth. Was that good? Are you doing it on purpose
Starting point is 01:30:55 or not? No, I say January 6th. It's not sixth. It's not sixth. It's sixth. There's an X in there. Yeah, but you really got to pronounce that X. Sixth. Yeah. January 6th. What are you, like, black? Like, you got to ask you a question? January 6th. Yes. January 6th. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:31:13 January 6th. No. Sixth. I'm afraid not. That's such a fuck to... Sixth. To get an X into a TH is weird for me. Well, don't do it then.
Starting point is 01:31:22 All right. Continue. Thank you for the 20. I'm sounding like whatever that is. Ride Dog for five. The biggest problem't do it then. All right. Continue. Thank you for the 20. Sounding like whatever that is. Ride Dog for five. The biggest problem in the universe is ransomware. We just had a ransomware attack at work, so I've been dealing with that all day. People still do that?
Starting point is 01:31:33 Yeah, it's funny. Interesting. Wet Bandit five. Vito says he supports the WGA, yet he happily took a sponsorship from an AI art website for his YouTube videos. That was a great plug, by the way. You should watch that plug. What's the plug?
Starting point is 01:31:46 It's just a stupid AI art app, but I made a really good plug for it. Go to youtube.com slash Vito. Okay. I do the best sponsored ad reads. Okay. Go to videos, hit videos. And then click the Jada Smith
Starting point is 01:32:02 one. Okay. And then go like a minute 30 in. You'll see when it changes. Fans, she's a weirdo. Well, guys, we're going to talk about all the controversy involved in Jada Pinkett Smith's new documentary series. Not really a documentary. We'll talk about that.
Starting point is 01:32:18 But first, I want to talk about my sponsor for this video. Can I see the video? Wonder. Now, maybe you're like me and you see all your friends. Okay. Please. Otherwise, they're just hearing you. Okay. sponsor for this video wonder now maybe you're like me and you see all your okay please otherwise they're just hearing it okay this is my sponsor this is my sponsored ad read for wonder okay playing around with these new ai art apps and you go oh i've got crazy ideas in my head how do i bring them to life wonder is the app that's going to make it happen for you.
Starting point is 01:32:47 You can see it right here. You just type in this little prompt, tell it whatever you want, and it's going to spit out gorgeous AI-generated artwork that will impress your... He typed in beautiful African queen. Well, I had to do that for... Okay, it gets better, though. Friends and family. Use the link in the description and you'll get access.
Starting point is 01:33:05 Anime style. Wait a minute. Beautiful or African Queen, what? Anime style. Anime style, okay. To a free trial of the premium version, including over 20 art styles. The company liked it. Beautiful African Queen. Beautiful African queen.
Starting point is 01:33:25 Beautiful African queen anime style. Well, it's a video about a Cleopatra documentary. If only I had an app where I could fucking do an anime style on a beautiful African queen. Faster generation, unlimited art, and best of all, no advertisers. Man, hold on. Tired of your friends always having the freshest anime? Oh, did I not mix it right? Wait, wait, is that beautiful anime women with rabbit ears?
Starting point is 01:33:45 Yeah. And the avatars? Now you fucked up the mix. right? Wait, wait, is that beautiful anime women with rabbit ears? Yeah. And the avatars. Now you fucked up the mix. You've got a beautiful bunny girl to take home to mom. Oh, I put it in mono. Have you and your partner thought about adopting
Starting point is 01:33:52 a child from Mexico? Adorable Mexican child with a burrito bowl. No longer, because this brown baby boy belongs to you. And if your boss is on your back
Starting point is 01:34:00 about finishing Oh, I fucked it up. You fucked it up. Let him know you're entertaining your Japanese host family. And it's pizza time. So once again, use the- Dude, it was definitely Oh, I fucked it up. You fucked it up. Dude, it was definitely... It was definitely stereo when I listened to it. It must be my fault.
Starting point is 01:34:15 Pizza night with a zoom in on a little Japanese girl. Yeah, I did a great ad read, but now I realize I fucked up the audio and I feel like an idiot. Nah, it's funnier though, people are like ooh I gotta pay attention It sounds fucked up Nobody mentioned that that's weird They probably thought you did it on purpose The link in the description you're gonna get a free trial Of the premium version of the app
Starting point is 01:34:35 It's gonna let you play around and make your imagination come true You always do all these like double ads on this show Cause I do a great ad read We gotta get ad reads on this show. Because I do a great ad read. We got to get ad reads on this show. Okay. I nail it every time. You do it while you're crying. God.
Starting point is 01:34:58 This is the worst. No, it's going to be great. All right. Where was it? Oh, my God. A lot of fucking comments here. Jesus. Oh, my God, guys.
Starting point is 01:35:12 There we go. There we go. Okay. Okay, so that was Wet Bandit. Wet Bandit 5. Also, Mumkey and Eggie were talking about boxing yesterday. Eggie says he's down to box Vito. Do I know Eggie?
Starting point is 01:35:22 You do not want to fight Eggie. Okay. Eggie would fucking destroy you Is he a big guy? Uh Eggie has Eggie has more Uh
Starting point is 01:35:31 Power in him Than Than probably ten men Okay He's a rapper Egg White You don't know who Egg White is? I don't watch Mumkey's
Starting point is 01:35:40 I know Mumkey I think I've seen Mumkey once You know Mumkey Johns? Mumkey Mumkey we'd roll over But Eggie No I don't like this
Starting point is 01:35:48 I don't like this Influencer boxing I think it's stupid Yeah it's dumb That Boogie fight Was the most embarrassing Fucking thing For Boogie
Starting point is 01:35:56 For everyone Yeah For everyone Because then Keemstar Has to go and like Tweet and be like Oh wasn't it so inspiring The way
Starting point is 01:36:02 I'm like no What do you mean No Well they really Put their heart out there And I'm like You got two fat guys To't it so inspiring The way I'm like no What do you mean No Well they really put Their heart out there And I'm like You got two fat guys To fight because it's funny
Starting point is 01:36:09 Their hearts are like The size of an elephant And they're both Fatter than shit They didn't work out at all No They just got into a ring For like ten thousand dollars
Starting point is 01:36:17 And beat each other For laughs For laughs But he says he lost money After paying the trainer And whatever He always lies He always lies.
Starting point is 01:36:26 He always lies. You mean his trainer a whore, right? Oh, I paid all this money to my trainer. Oh, was she a prostitute? I hate all the guys who are like, well, you really got to give it to him for getting into the ring.
Starting point is 01:36:42 No, you do it. Look at me. I gave it my all for that. I gave him my all for that. I gave him my all for that fight. I'm Boogie. My tits hang down to my fucking knees. That's not harassment. That, but fucking Tess Holliday is harassment.
Starting point is 01:36:56 Tess Holliday is protected. Fuck you. Boogie's not protected because he's not a woman. All right, well, I'm not going to fight Eggie. I don't want to fight anyone. I think all the influencer boxing is stupid. Eggie would beat anyone he fought, no matter what to fight Eggie. I don't want to fight anyone. I think all the influencer boxing is stupid. Eggie would beat anyone he fought, no matter what. Anyone on earth.
Starting point is 01:37:09 I don't want to fight him, then. On the John for 550 Canadian. Hey, Dick, did you see Vito let loose a... You should rap, Eggie. You should freestyle rap battle, Eggie. I would probably do okay at that. Yeah, I think you could beat Eggie. I like freestyle rap battling.
Starting point is 01:37:23 I used to freestyle a little bit. At the next live show, could beat Eggie In freestyle rap battling I used to freestyle At the next live show Please ask Eggie if he would freestyle Rap battle Vito We should do some freestyle rap battle That would be more entertaining Let's set up a YouTuber rap battle
Starting point is 01:37:39 Instead of this fucking influencer boxing shit That would be more fun Yeah let's do it I would have fun with that Okay Anyway Alright Did you know I let loose
Starting point is 01:37:48 A TV off on my Zelda stream The other night I will look into it Somebody send it in You gotta send him a clip Don't send it to me on Twitter Send it to me on email Yeah
Starting point is 01:37:57 Riley Edwards for 220 Says fat brain causes Ear infection Okay Pigeon SA 174 for 10 Says thank you for not killing yourself. Okay. Antagonist for five says,
Starting point is 01:38:07 Vito, please get glasses that feed properly so they won't fog up like that. They only fog up in here for some reason. Because of the air. Yeah, I think it's because you have the air conditioner. Whatever, I like fix it. CG for 499, couldn't even stick to his price cap for 15 seconds.
Starting point is 01:38:22 $3 is too much. I would never pay for. Five is inconceivable. I would pay three. That most seven bucks i would not pay seven but if i was really thirsty maybe d dots and 45 for five veto follow dick's advice lies and apologies are free use them accordingly yeah just apologize to eric july i don't i like it's fine if me and eric july don't like each other it me and Eric July don't like each other. It makes sense that we don't like each other. No,
Starting point is 01:38:48 you would make more money if you apologize to him. And then you're like, oh, black people are, it's so great that you're like doing this
Starting point is 01:38:57 and stuff. I want, I voted for Biden and he's been really hard on black people and then you just say like, like be like this fucking Uncle Tom liberal.
Starting point is 01:39:05 Yeah. And you make some money you get some play Eric July has a he's a great He's a great guy what a guy He's funny you know what He had a video recently where like a really Dumb guy went at him and that was funny Yeah and I was like jealous that he had a guy
Starting point is 01:39:22 That dumb well coming At him I'm like I wish I had haters that dumb You could be that dumb Yeah You could go in and say And like be Like purposefully dumb To get play
Starting point is 01:39:32 It's a very complicated situation But yeah I don't know Hey I love Eric Chilton He's the best Uh LP Dirty T for 49 The TikTok pranks
Starting point is 01:39:44 For pouring water From a gas can on people's cars. Then an old dude pulled a gun on him. An armed society is a polite society. I almost watched that video before coming in. I haven't seen it yet. You see a guy's got a gas can. He's pretending to pour gas on all people's shit.
Starting point is 01:39:59 Then he pulls a gun out. I guess somebody must have pulled a gun on him. I hope he gets shot. That would be hilarious. Some people have been getting shot. Some guy got shot for, like, prank videos recently. That's so funny. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:40:10 That's such a great prank. That's what happened to all those guys. Yeah. Fuzznut, 25 for 199. Why do you want Biden to win? Explain. That's two bucks. Nope.
Starting point is 01:40:19 Yeah. You got to tell me more. Guy Cool, 2456 for 30. You gotta tell me more Guy cool 2, 4, 5, 6 For 30 I tap 3 white To cast Jihad On no Call to prayer
Starting point is 01:40:30 The beauty and might Of Allah Shines through the Truly superior magic card And not very Haram Pokemon card So did he just Negate
Starting point is 01:40:38 The call to prayer Donation of someone else I think so Now it's just 50 Now it's negative 5 We're not doing any more Accruing and buying of points. I'll give you this. I'll give you this.
Starting point is 01:40:48 Oh. There. Dweb Winkle for five. Vito saying everything is a nightmare is new to me. I do say it a lot. Oh, you said it. I suck at it. You fucking said it. Oh. I do say that too often.
Starting point is 01:41:07 Let's see. Thank you. Fuzno25199 says, Vito, you're a baby. Plus, you do know me and you love me. You are. You are my child, all of you. Dominic1999 says, Vito, I haven't bought your comic because I have absolutely no money to spend right now. Really a bummer.
Starting point is 01:41:26 I wish I had the change. It really sucks. Again, he sent that for 1999. He spent to send that message. Good that you got it through. The message about how he has no money. Spider-Turtle 2 says, you should be fair. Vito is an insecure 12-year-old girl.
Starting point is 01:41:43 Yeah, there's some of that. Matt M for 5 says, who needs red letter media when you have Tony from Hack the Movies Yeah Tony likes me Cause Red Letter Media is Good They are the guys I ripped off the most Red Letter Media For a long time was the only YouTube channel I ever Watched it's so everybody's talking about
Starting point is 01:42:03 Idubs right now And I'm literally I'm like I've never watched A single Idubs video Yeah The only thing I know about him Is Sam Hyde humiliated him And it was really funny
Starting point is 01:42:12 Yeah And he should've just rolled with it Because it would've been cool Yeah If he said like Man Sam Hyde's a genius That was real crazy He's gotta dump his fat wife
Starting point is 01:42:20 She looks like shit I don't even know What she looks like Is how little I care about eye dubs. If I had to fuck her, I'd probably charge like $12,000. Is it that bad? I mean, she just
Starting point is 01:42:34 looks dumpy and shitty. It's weird that all these guys are like... It looks like her ass stinks. Why do all these people have this connection to eye dubs? I guess he just was a big YouTube guy. He's like Maddox. He's like, I'm just like calling people out. Okay, man.
Starting point is 01:42:49 Wow, you're calling out the attention whores. That's fucking dope, dude. Excuse me. I got something on my throat. Dominic for $4.99 says, sorry. Just had to say I've liked you for a long time, so it'd really be a bummer if I couldn't get it. You know, money is really tight right now.
Starting point is 01:43:08 You get it. Oh, he's following up on the how he doesn't have any money. Maybe if you had some more money. Car Fro for $20 says, I love Vito. Great strike as always. And something about the call to prayer. We're not doing it. Sorry.
Starting point is 01:43:25 We have no time. We'll give you, I'll give you a $20 worth. Oops. $20 worth of call to prayer. There. There we go. Legacy for five.
Starting point is 01:43:35 I see and reply to both of you all the time. I have no delusions that we have a real social relationship. Here's some money. Well, now we do have a real social relationship. Tool chest for 10 says you're not anyone's internet dad Vito comma veto you fucking Idiot comma don't just do dad
Starting point is 01:43:50 Vito put the comments right There it's like four letter It's four keys away from the fucking V Don't be so hard on yourself no one cares I know and that's good to know Dominic for one ninety nine Says enjoy the show Fuzz nut twenty five For for two, says, hurry, hide the shotgun.
Starting point is 01:44:10 Carlos Morongo for two says, wait a minute, Vito, no. Yeah. Pop Quiz for $199 puts a behind-the-scenes sticker. Okay. Oh, maybe that's when we went off the air. I think so. Riley says, you're going to make it, buddy. Please do more acid this year.
Starting point is 01:44:24 You need it. I could use some acid. Do not do it. Do not do it. You got to vote. buddy Please do more acid This year you need it I could use some acid Do not do Do not do You gotta vote I'll do it I don't care Did you roofie me dick
Starting point is 01:44:30 Did you Wait a minute Did you roofie me dick Is that what caused All this Yeah probably You drugged me You motherfucker
Starting point is 01:44:41 David Gomez for two We love you Vito It gets real Thank you. Warren for 10. The comic's going to be great. Don't worry. You're a funny guy.
Starting point is 01:44:50 Thank you, Warren. Danny Fist says, Vito, someone needs to give you a hug. Not me, but someone. I tried to, but you were real weird about it. I got to get back in there. All right. I don't need a hug. I'm fine.
Starting point is 01:45:03 Dominic for 49. They're raking in the super chats Tonight boys David Gomez for $2 Episode 91 Vito couldn't make it today That's a good one Guy Cool
Starting point is 01:45:13 $2,456 for $20 Thanks Carrie You're a real one I really feel what Dominic was saying I'd love to order a comic Vito But bread is hard to come Alright I get the bet Everybody's got money
Starting point is 01:45:23 Mad Hem for $5 Round of applause for Vito Jazz Fan bread is hard to come. All right. I get the bit. Everybody's got money. Matt M for five, a round of applause for Vito jazz fan, 22 for five Vito. You don't have to be my dad. You just have TBF to yourself. Okay. Warren for two super chest. Yeah. Carrie C for 10 You're not my real dad Vito Yes I am Wait is this a girl? I think Wait a minute
Starting point is 01:45:49 Yeah Carrie I think Carrie's the one Who comes by That's the least erotic thing You could ever be told By a girl You're not my real dad You're not my real dad
Starting point is 01:45:56 You love You love daddy John Riffs for 5 Believe in the power of friendship Among internet racists Dominic for 5 Hey KK Carl This better be on Crimson Elite. Oh, God.
Starting point is 01:46:09 Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Jim Satala for 99. This episode was awesome. Weird, but awesome. Vito, you also said you started on testosterone replacement therapy.
Starting point is 01:46:23 I wonder if you also got anastrozole for estradiol suppression. Oh. That can cause massive hormonal emotional issues. Are you on TRT? I think I just need to sleep, guys. Okay. All right. But sure, let's go with that theory.
Starting point is 01:46:38 Steve for two. Best episode ever. Best episode ever. Exactly. Yeah. Okay. Rex Saxon for five. I hate whacking in the shower because it gets clumpy and clogs the drain.
Starting point is 01:46:48 But since Vito's about to cause a tissue shortage, I guess I can suffer. Dominic for 49. I spent $40 tonight, so I really can't buy the comic book. All right. I get the bit. Buy the comic. It's a funny bit. We're going to hit.
Starting point is 01:47:01 I think we'll probably hit 35K. That's what we're going to hit. Carl LP for 1999. Vito needs to PDF file trade with Woody. That's how you get on the show. Yeah. I don't know what's going on with that. Uh, Jay Thompson, 1327 for five. I met Ethan back in the day. A few times I talked to JDA consistently. EBS is a good guy who, like you said, it was railroaded. Yeah. Again, I've known John Delarose. People don't know this, but that guy wrote a book for the company I was working for, so I
Starting point is 01:47:29 met him back in the day. And everybody hates that guy, too, and, you know, calls him a conservative, you know, and then you know, he's done some crazy shit. I get it. You get it? I get it. I mean, I get what he's doing. He's nuts. But, uh, the hate's too much out there.
Starting point is 01:47:45 LP Dirty T for $4.99. John Carmack's now a Nazi for wanting to go to a convention. Social media is making everyone crazy. The good people will support you. Use back buy. Social media did not do this. People have been crazy for a long time. I think a long, long time.
Starting point is 01:48:01 They were hiding under desks in case of nuclear bombs. I think people look. I think the root of like most. They were hiding under desks in case of nuclear bombs. I think people, look, I think the root of like most... They hung witches. I think the root of most problems comes down to like economic insecurity and when people are losing their jobs because they supported the wrong president
Starting point is 01:48:17 it makes people go fucking nuts. It makes people go crazy. I totally get it. Okay, like I've lost out on opportunities because of like dumb shit i believe or have said or whatever else and it just makes you fucking nuts and uh that's the worst thing about this cancel culture uh shit is it just makes everybody go fucking crazy um where are we uh go down right there corn pop corn pop puts a picture of a duck Go down right there.
Starting point is 01:48:41 Corn pop. Corn pop puts a picture of a duck. Cool. Pissing on something. Pig. Is it a pig? I think so. I don't know.
Starting point is 01:48:51 Another duck. I think it's a duck. It's a chicken pissing on a duck. How about that? How about that? Only in America. Crab Zula for 555 Canadians says 30% of Canadians support prescribing assisted suicide for homelessness. Yeah. Let's get those numbers up, folks. Yeah. Stinky poopy
Starting point is 01:49:08 face for five. Great show, guys. Excited to get out of work early enough to catch the show live and leave a super chat. Keep up the good work. Thanks. Did you see it? Fantastic. Yeah. I don't think you saw the show because I derailed the fuck out of it. Jefferson for $9.99 USD says,
Starting point is 01:49:23 Dick, I'm buying the shirt if I have to watch your show on Cozy. It'll be on Rumble, too. It'll also be on Rumble. It's going at the same time. And then Jew H, who is, well, that's his name, donates $220 Canadian dollars. How much is that? Wait a minute.
Starting point is 01:49:39 And does not leave a message. Wait a minute. Is that worth something or what? Yes, that's worth something. $220 Canadian USD. I think that's like $100. Wait a minute. Is that worth something or what? Yes, that's worth something. 220 Canadian and USD. Canadian is... Whoa! It's 150 bucks! Yeah, it's like 150 bucks. Whoa!
Starting point is 01:49:53 Wow! That's incredible. Wow! Wow! He didn't ask for a call to prayer! My father! My god One time If you ever Have cried On the Pokemon card
Starting point is 01:50:21 You never Never cry on the Pokemon card. You never, never cry on the Pokemon card. Magic, the cards bend like a canoe. Bend like a canoe, but the Pokemon card straight as arrow as a tectonic plate
Starting point is 01:50:38 as a law. You can cry, cry, cry like child on Pokemon card. They are fine. You lose at last minute. Not to draw a good energy. Can't pull your Regigigas out of the graveyard into play. You can cry.
Starting point is 01:51:00 Magic. Not possible. Can't even breathe on the card. Or else you will go like a Mexican jumpy beats. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. Popping all over like a magic card trick. The magic card quality is getting a little better. Magic card quality goes at the bottom.
Starting point is 01:51:20 Magic card quality, woman quality. High body count, woman quality, virgin, not much higher. Not much higher than that. You should get a pack of Dominaria Remastered. Those were some crisp cards, I tell you what. Pokemon cards, I think you can use it as placemat. Thicker than a placemat of solar system around the back. Pokemon cards do look pretty nice.
Starting point is 01:51:44 They're pretty good. Can carve all the teaching of Allah on the back. I am pretty jealous of how nice the Pokemon cards look. Maybe magical ketchup. And thick of them. Can't even shuffle them. They're so thick. You ever get one of those textured Pokemon cards?
Starting point is 01:52:00 It's like, you can feel it. Yes, it's for a braille. The people that have cursed, Allah sometimes have cursed men with blindness. All women cursed with blindness, number one. Can't drive. But some men cursed with blindness, so they have to feel the back of the Pokemon card.
Starting point is 01:52:19 All right. There's your call to prayer. Thank you. Thank you, you Jew H For the J-U Not J-E-W But you're saying
Starting point is 01:52:29 You're saying it like You're obviously thinking Jew Jew H I don't know how to say it otherwise Juh H Two goddamn gentlemen for five Says that's how you know Vito isn't brackets
Starting point is 01:52:40 He can't say Zick Another guttural Jesus fucking Christ D.Dotson 45 for two veto tbf you need a laugh i'm hoping jihado bot for 25 just says please oh you got your jihad you got your fucking call to prayer snazzy rats for 20 says this show has made two guys cry so far who was the other one yeah i don't know. Did anybody cry on the previous show? Oh, Maddox. Maddox cried, yeah.
Starting point is 01:53:08 How many episodes of The Dick Show have that guy randomly break down for no good reason? Drunk in 80's Studio for two. Rap battle is better
Starting point is 01:53:18 than influencer boxing. Eggie. You gotta call Eggie out. Yeah, I wanna fight Eggie. Hold on, let me... No, I don't want... Let me get a beatbox. Hold on. Beat. Oh, I want to fight Eggie. Hold on, let me get a beat box. Hold on.
Starting point is 01:53:26 Oh, we're going to rap? Rap, freestyle. Freestyle rap beat. Freestyle rap beat. Okay. You got to issue a challenge to Eggie. All right, let's do it. Yeah, here you go.
Starting point is 01:53:36 Here you go. Here you go. Ready? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. MC in the house. Oh. Oh!
Starting point is 01:53:46 Oh! I gotta wait for the beat to drop here. Yeah, Vito. Super killer. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Super killer. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a grown man crying on the internet.
Starting point is 01:54:00 Dropping limes and I ain't gonna break a sweat. Fuck Aggie, I'ma fuck that motherfucker up hit him with my mad fucking uppercut lyrical style like you ain't ever fucking seen better open up your best fucking magazine see me busting out style with the mad rhymes if i ain't get my rhymes and it's a crime veto g drop it so easily ain't no motherfucker gonna step to me But Eggie is a motherfuckin' F-slur You know that I fuck his girlfriend, I fucked her Oh, this is what I'm gonna do Gonna drop a lyrical style onto you
Starting point is 01:54:33 You better back off with your boxin' F-shit I don't give a fuck, you're gonna get hit by this bird Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Eggie totally destroyed! Whipped! Eggie has been whipped! The eggs have been whipped! The jello is jiggling!
Starting point is 01:54:53 The yolk has been extracted! The egg was fermented right now! Did you see that, honey? Did you? Wow! Trader Joe's Fertilized Eggs. That's what that was.
Starting point is 01:55:11 Oh my god! Wow! It was a rough draft. Get the super chats in. Get the super chats in. Oh my god! Oh, Eggie, it's over! Eggie, it is over for you. Sunnyside
Starting point is 01:55:27 down. Woo! We'll try. We'll make something happen. I think if we did influencer rap battling, it would be cool. Oh, if it was like that, yeah. Oh my god. Like I
Starting point is 01:55:44 said, you know, when I was in high school everybody was into rap Where? Fucking Oakland. No, it's all white kids like pretending to be rappers. That's all I grew up around Aggie Does Aggie rap is that even a thing? I don't know if he raps that good He's a famous rapper, yeah. Oh, okay. Eggie is a famous rapper.
Starting point is 01:56:08 Well, maybe we can... It wasn't that good. It was all right. All right, well, I think we should make the rap battle happen. The gauntlet is down. The gauntlet is down, Egg White. Joe Ray for 99. Egg White, you have nothing on my man Vito.
Starting point is 01:56:26 I don't know what this episode is. Nothing. And Monkey Jones, you have not as good film reviews as Vito also. This episode is a tonal mess. It is all over the place. What is the arc of this episode? Joe Ray for 999. Best episode yet
Starting point is 01:56:45 Biggest breakdown in the universe Utah-based Armenian for $2 Says use this for the Star Wars Galactic Star Cruiser They're closing the Star Wars hotel I'm never gonna get to go Cause I don't have six grand Can you like buy it out of the garbage? I wanna sneak into it after they shut it down
Starting point is 01:57:02 But I'm sure they'll just I don't know, knock the whole thing down Human Dynamo for five I just want to say I recently watched Kingpin And Dumb and Dumber, and Kingpin has to be Fairly Brothers Fuck What?
Starting point is 01:57:15 You didn't say it Well, yeah, it has to be I suck, Cox To be I didn't even think you said it yet I said Fairly Brothers I started saying Fairly Brothers Wow I suck, Hawks. I didn't even think you said it yet. I said Farrelly Brothers. I started saying Farrelly Brothers.
Starting point is 01:57:29 Wow. Got me. Good one. Farrelly Brothers humor at its finest. That was a good one. Good one, Human Dynamo. It was so good that Dick didn't even recognize it. I was reading it and I was like, well, you didn't get there. I got there.
Starting point is 01:57:41 I'm pretty sure. You did. You did. You did. Granola Boy for five. Hey, Dick, I'm late. Is there a plan for the TDS Videos fan archive project? Do you have them still? Uh, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:57:50 You have them somewhere? I'll talk about it. Yeah. I'm figuring out. Yeah. I wondered if I had any, but I don't think I do. Bermudav3 for five. Vito, why do you always look like the PDF file and always sunny the fat one? I don't remember that character. TheGeekGetAway for two said, did I miss Vito crying?
Starting point is 01:58:06 I think you did. Yeah. That didn't happen. What are you talking about? Nam-a-my for $1.99. Shout out to Gabe Itches. Gabe Itches. I get it.
Starting point is 01:58:16 Yeah. Guy Cool, two, four, five, six for five. The one show I donate to, there's no call to prayer. You got it. You got it. You got it. It happened. CG for $4.99.
Starting point is 01:58:24 Liberals in these corps Are just enforcing New age blasphemy laws Instead of a witch trial They just want you To kill yourself Just laugh at them Move on
Starting point is 01:58:32 I mean there is some of that I mean I talk to some Of these guys And like I do get the feeling That they're like I wish all these conservatives Would just kill themselves And I'm like well you can't
Starting point is 01:58:40 That's not gonna happen And stop Stop wanting that Oh my god What is happening Okay there we go Carlos Maringo for two I'm like, well, you can't. That's not going to happen. And stop wanting that. Oh, my God. What is happening? Okay, there we go. Carlos Marengo for two.
Starting point is 01:58:51 150 USD. That's 7.5 TBFs from Vito. He did the math. David Gomez for five. Don't worry. I'll always follow slash pay for both shows, even if they get banned, even if I blow the unhoused behind a dumpster for it. No, kill the unhoused. We're going to get banned.
Starting point is 01:59:06 Stop it. Just kidding. In Minecraft. Just kidding. In Minecraft. Bermuda for five. Fire Vito. Freestyle WF.
Starting point is 01:59:16 Guy cool for five. There was a call to prayer and all fairness. Anytime I see the word fair now, I'm like, God damn it. I rescind my statement. Vito Jizzy G got bars Steve for five Can't quit now It can't get better than this
Starting point is 01:59:28 Manny Muskets for five I quit rap and started comedy Because I couldn't do what Vito just did Thank you Carl LLP for $9.99 A little bit more dollars for that freestyle Yeah good Okay
Starting point is 01:59:40 More money Max Saxon for two says I don't know if it was this show But a stereo's cried Did that happen? Oh yeah Yeah On your show?
Starting point is 01:59:47 Yeah I think so Fantastic GranolaBoy for five Turn it up Billy the guy in the YouTube chat Too poor to buy a super chat But who I graciously gave a voice Long live Billy
Starting point is 01:59:58 Okay well that's enough Okay You didn't get in at this point Go fuck yourself Uh Do we fix that thing With the list of people Or do we still not fix that? No I didn't fix it Okay we need to fix that thing with the list of people or do we still not
Starting point is 02:00:05 fix no i didn't fix it okay we need to fix that well that was the worst episode ever sorry that's going down in the history books of all-time greatest broadcasts of internet broadcasting cringe of the week i will kill no i won't you know this will be cringe of the year are you kidding a i've been, I won't. Vito, this will be cringe of the year. Are you kidding? A panicked breakdown where people are worried if you're going to fucking kill yourself, me included. I don't even know what I'm upset about. I'm just, I want everybody. I'm upset about my shirt.
Starting point is 02:00:38 I want everybody to be happy. I want everybody to make money. I don't want anybody to be deplatformed. I didn't even want to, and I know people are probably going to say, oh, Vito's a hypocrite because he was mad at Alex Jones or whatever. I don't even want, I didn't even want those guys to be deplatformed. I don't want it. I'm going to find the people who fucks with me and I'll fuck with them big time.
Starting point is 02:00:57 I don't like, yeah, well, I don't like this reporting people and the snitching and the whatever else. Yeah. Well, that's fine. If you fuck with me, I'm coming to fuck with you big time. I'm not going to stop. I don't know if that's the right. I'm going to find some kids.
Starting point is 02:01:14 I'm going to pay them to fuck with your kids when they get older. I'm getting fucking full on Hannibal Lecter, the show, not the movie on your ass. I just want Sam Hyde to get a movie and everybody to be happy. That's fine. And I'm not stopping then. Don't forget Super Killer is still available on Indigo. Bye, guys. Bye, everybody.
Starting point is 02:01:38 Where did I put my shoe? There it is. Well, at least it's a memorable show. Wow. What a show. Jesus Christ, look at the Super Chat total.

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