The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 92

Episode Date: June 3, 2023

People Who Pretend To Not Understand Jokes, Snail-in Voting, Tardy Drink Refills, The Sudden Necessity of Pride Month, Semaglutide / Ozempic...

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 But look, this is what I did. I hit that. I meant to hit... Okay. See, I meant to hit that, but it just changed the whole thing. Well, just... You ready? Yeah, do it. Wasn't that a nice fade? I don't know. I can't hear. I'll have to watch it later. It wasn't good.
Starting point is 00:00:16 Leave me here. You should have been looking at it. Well, yeah, it looks nice. You looked away right when I... After all that fucking shit of transitioning, you looked away right when I clicked the button. Does the audio crossfade? That's what I really want to know. You looked away right when I After all that fucking shit of transitioning You looked away right when I clicked the button Does the audio crossfade? That's what I really want to know Crossfade? Yeah, crossfade
Starting point is 00:00:31 What? One fades out and the other one fades in Crossfade? That's a term That's an editing term I'm pretty sure you know this Before the show starts You better watch it, Vito
Starting point is 00:00:43 Yeah I'm in a lot of trouble I'llito Yeah I'm in a lot of trouble I'll criticize you I'm in a lot of trouble Because of you And then you'll have a meltdown I probably will I have now
Starting point is 00:00:52 An entire comic book fan base Which already Which I Which I said You know what I'm not gonna fight with these guys You liar You've been fighting with them
Starting point is 00:01:02 For a year Yeah but like little things Like I wasn't gonna make it A big thing I wasn't going to make it a big thing I didn't make it a big thing I just gave a normal review for a comic book A normal Intelligent review of Normal notes
Starting point is 00:01:16 Normal Hollywood notes Maybe I should have let you know that this was the obvious end result When you're reviewing the comic of a man Who apparently by his own metrics, has created the perfect comic book. He called himself the Michael Jordan of comics. Did he really? He said this would be, he, during Eric
Starting point is 00:01:33 July's three hour cry fest of my totally normal, like, plot structure notes, he said this is like somebody telling Michael Jordan how to play basketball. And I said said are you fucking kidding me Bro you're not even Scotty Pippen You're not even
Starting point is 00:01:51 Marty Pippen dude What are you talking about Michael Jordan of comics As someone has brought up Michael Jordan also played basketball He didn't just make money selling shoes He actually played basketball too You jackass Eric Why do I feel like this feud
Starting point is 00:02:06 Is going to go on for way longer Than I thought it would Originally I just gave some simple notes Well apparently you've incited an entire fan base To hate us and hate this show They've been clipping our show To report on all the horrible
Starting point is 00:02:22 And mean things that we say Woohoo Yahoo Woohoo To report on all the horrible and mean things that we say. Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Yahoo! Yahoo! Woo-hoo! Well. And every day I gotta wake up to like 50 of these Eric Chalain guys telling me I'm the worst fucking person that ever existed.
Starting point is 00:02:38 Yeah, yeah. And that my comic's gonna fail and that I should kill myself. So that's been, thank you everyone for all your I'm so glad Dick reviewing I didn't even review it. I had nothing to do with it. I didn't tell you to review it. I didn't even tell you to fucking read it. You found it
Starting point is 00:02:55 yourself. Nina Infinity did. Nina Infinity put you on the spot. Nina Infinity insolently challenged me She thought you wouldn't do it. She spoke to me very disrespectfully. And Eric July and Aizam both know that I don't take no disrespect from no one. No woman. I don't.
Starting point is 00:03:15 I pity the fool. You're a real Avery when it comes down to it. Don't take no disrespect. I'm beavery. I'm severy. I'm everyvery in the book. I don't take no disrespect. No one beavery, I'm severy, I'm everyvery in the book. I don't take no disrespect. No one no disrespect me.
Starting point is 00:03:27 I think you had some very reasonable we share a lot of the same criticisms. There's no plot in his book. There's no plot in his comic. There's no plot. There's no character development. He didn't make any fucking choices. And then in the book, the main character says, I'm not a good detective. I don't know
Starting point is 00:03:44 why I'm doing this shit. I'm not a detective. I shouldn't be doing this. So he wrote a detective book, but he didn't put any of the plot, character development, character arcs, challenging the characters. A detective book is tightly crafted. Oh, yeah. Where there's clues and shit. He didn't do any of that.
Starting point is 00:03:57 Then he goes, where anybody see it, a detective book. Well, the guy says. The guy literally admits. That's right, Andre. He called me the N-word three times and told me to pull up on him right well that's just uh his way of speaking i suppose he called you the n-word with a hard r speech impediment doesn't make it a different word okay so you get the colloquial n-word not to me it's not uh you guys You guys may use your word your way
Starting point is 00:04:26 We use it a different way Okay, they don't You don't get to use yours You don't get to use Anyway It's been a fun week It's been a wild I thought
Starting point is 00:04:35 I honestly thought that he would be like Okay, those guys made a stupid review He might say like one thing Like yeah, fuck those crackheads or whatever But literally for like five days straight He's been going into our replies and guys who like follow us everybody yeah guys who have like 10 followers he's going well clearly you don't understand avery's i shouldn't use the voice i don't know why you would do that he's going clearly you don't understand this shit and this right no it Wow, it looks like all flat and horrible.
Starting point is 00:05:08 And he gets really hung up on these. Yeah, again, when you go, I think it's a- Dude, you have $3 million. Fuck off. Yeah. Like, you don't have to write any of the rest. You just hire writers. Please.
Starting point is 00:05:19 Well, I guess a lot of his success has been based on the idea That oh he owns The libs And he owns the haters Or whatever else I'm like yeah But these are just a bunch of guys Who think your comic sucks Like they're not Well the libs are better writers
Starting point is 00:05:32 Than you so Most of the many of them People in Hollywood Know how to take notes I mean they may be pedophiles But they may be Satanic pedophiles They may be pedophiles
Starting point is 00:05:40 But they understand A three act structure Okay And that's what Really matters Let's do it I feel feel bad until I hear him talking about me, and I'm like, fuck you! Biggest problem in the universe! Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe! The only show that ranks every problem in
Starting point is 00:06:03 the universe from having no understanding of the price of an S to choosing any one of a thousand ways to make your comic books suck less. I'm your host, Dick Masterson. Joining me as always is Vito Giswoldi. Hi. Long riddle. That was from Jazz Blister. Thank you, Jazz Blister.
Starting point is 00:06:20 Long, long riddle. That's what I want. Exciting, complicated rhymes That tickle the tongue That's the kind of writing we like Here on the show Oh man, I don't even know This doesn't even translate to a podcast
Starting point is 00:06:33 We can do a whole show just on the last week The biggest problem with last week Yeah, the biggest problem with Eric Obsessively tweeting to every single person That follows us I have never seen someone Take criticism this badly Not even like
Starting point is 00:06:47 That scene where Hitler's freaking out Shit shit shit shit Right I mean the smart thing to do Would have been to go Well he has some criticisms And maybe there's some
Starting point is 00:06:56 Fair ones in there He clearly had more experience Than me I mean obviously Like his notes are structured Like he's gotten them a lot The honest thing to say Is to go well
Starting point is 00:07:04 I feel proud of it as my first try people are excited about the character and i'm looking forward to uh what we do next i think i think you can only get better from here but the only because i'm the worst meanest person on earth he's really i because i am i am mean and my heart is small yeah you can't even see it was above it yeah yes that guy's fucking mean and i tried my best is just needling this hard-working black man but but i know what i'm talking about well i hate to say it but uh certain other comic professionals have come to me in private and went i thought dick's critique was fair. I don't think he was.
Starting point is 00:07:46 I gave you notes. I mean, it is a comedy podcast. We're going to dunk on the guy a little bit because it's funny. But ultimately, the notes hold up. And you did give me notes. I was restrained. You were very restrained. Oh, I do not like bad art.
Starting point is 00:08:00 Dude, you could have said a lot more. I think it was pretty fair what you put out there. Thanks. The fans, the Ice Home fans do not agree. They think, they have accused, and here's what's driving me nuts, is they're saying that you're jealous of Eric on my behalf, that you're mad that my comic book isn't making enough money. But it's already a success.
Starting point is 00:08:26 First of all, I'm very happy with the amount of money we've raised. It's pretty good. You're supposed to make three million dollars on your first comic. Yeah, it's not. Normal comics don't normally make millions of dollars. Like if you're a super industry pro. Yeah, but if you're like you or like... It's my first time out the
Starting point is 00:08:42 gate. I got a little fun project and I'm like, like hey this is pretty good And everyone's going you're just jealous You didn't make three million dollars I'm like making three million dollars from a comic is kind of ridiculous To the point where I kind of questioned the numbers And exactly who put them together But that's a whole other story
Starting point is 00:08:56 Alright Glenn Beck The idea We gotta go get these libs We gotta get these Libs with your comic Eric I look
Starting point is 00:09:07 I'm just It's curious That other guys Who seem as big as Eric Maybe Avery can get To the bottom of Who really funded This comic
Starting point is 00:09:14 It would be a fun Detective story Maybe that's the Detective story I'd like to know Exactly where the Numbers came from Once I get done
Starting point is 00:09:19 With figuring out What Rumble's all about And what this money's for I'll get to work On that one There's a lot of weird Stuff going on But like as I point out Razorfish just did a comic He didn't raise a all about And what this money's for I'll get to work on that one There's a little weird stuff going on But like as I point out
Starting point is 00:09:26 Razorfish just did a comic He didn't raise a million dollars And Razorfish's got a Real big audience I feel Yeah A very dedicated audience Anyway
Starting point is 00:09:34 That's a whole other thing But the idea that you would be Jealous on my behalf And then feel the need To attack This guy To Cause you're mad
Starting point is 00:09:43 My comic didn't make money Just read the fucking notes though Just read the notes and tell me that they're very simple notes about story structure. I put what I thought the summary of ISOM was into chat GPT and I said write me a plot
Starting point is 00:09:57 based on the hero's journey and it fixed it. It just took what was there and just made it better. It didn't have two fights against the same security guard for no reason. That doesn't advance the plot at all. It ends with the cops showing up and chasing him away. Where I'm like, well, what the fuck's the point of him fighting him? Just to fight him?
Starting point is 00:10:16 It's to show that he's strong and he's back. I don't fucking know what the point of any of this is. People seem to like it. I was worried that people wouldn't want to see my autistic review of a comic. But they do. No, people to like it. I was worried that people wouldn't want to see my autistic review of a comic, but they did. No, people have enjoyed it. I enjoyed it. I think it's insightful and it's, you know, I was talking to you. I'm saying we should do some movie reviews.
Starting point is 00:10:33 I think people enjoy your insightful critique. Here was today's. Okay. Junko says, Eric, bro, you should rein in this Ripa Cole post, this other account. He's making you look weak and like someone who doesn't get jokes. We like jokes.
Starting point is 00:10:49 Jokes are funny unless maybe you are the Rippa Gold Post. And Eric says, nobody makes me look weak. If your view of me looking weak is based on another person that isn't me, you're a pussy. And he says, man, you really are a bad writer. Yeah. He says, man, you really are a bad writer. You're pussy. You're pussy. You're pussy. Dude.
Starting point is 00:11:18 He can't read is a weird thing as well. Now I'm being mean? Is that too much? I'm not in the fucking culture war, man. I think this shit is fake. I don't think spending $35 is kind of change politics. I think it's all a marketing campaign. It's all a marketing campaign.
Starting point is 00:11:35 Which for a year I've said I'm fine with. Yeah, I guess if you want to sell fucking woke chocolate bar or anti-woke chocolate bars, good for you. It's dumb as hell, but most of my advertising is dumb as hell. But I'm not going to say you're a good writer. You're a great marketer. You figured out what marketing is currently working. Hopefully it's going to stop. Did you see Trump told everybody to stop fucking saying woke about everything?
Starting point is 00:11:59 Trump does. Trump? Trump? Trump? I was like, that was the smartest thing I've ever heard that man say. I'm like, he knows. Everybody wants to be respected. Everybody wants to be respected.
Starting point is 00:12:08 Like a woman. It's not enough that she's hot. Well, what about my mind? Yeah. Like, well, yeah, your mind's fucking shit. What do you mean? What do you mean? What about your mind?
Starting point is 00:12:17 Your mind and your personality are horrible. That's why God gave you those tits. Yeah. Right. But no, that's not good enough for anybody. Actors all want to be fucking musicians. Think your music sucks music sucks though because you're not a musician oh how dare you tim cast makes great music what's worse tim's music or eric july's writing what do you think let's get a poll let's go let me get a one for tim cat for tim and a two for eric's right all
Starting point is 00:12:40 right is that look all these people that people have a very good grift going. And I can't, I don't know. That's my superpower. They got to keep me chained up with my mouth closed. Yeah, because otherwise you might say something and cause them to lose their fucking minds. I'll be at the, oh, what was the guy in, I keep wanting to say the hunt for Hannibal Lecter, but that's the Hunt for Red October What is the
Starting point is 00:13:05 You're talking about Silence of the Lambs Silence of the Lambs Yeah The Hunt for Hannibal Lecter As it's commonly known In international markets Jack Ryan
Starting point is 00:13:12 What was the What was the warden of prison there Where he was I don't remember the guy's name You don't remember He's like Why don't you tell me a story And I'll
Starting point is 00:13:21 I'll give you some notes on it And then the next scene is like Okay It's been a while Tell me a story And I'll I'll give you some notes on it And then the next scene Is like Okay It's been a while Since I've seen Silence of the Lambs Dick Who won last week?
Starting point is 00:13:33 Uh Me Losing shit Making decisions Was after that Wow I suck Yeah
Starting point is 00:13:40 Mispricing nostalgia That was down there And then Very special episodes Was last I don't know why Those are horrible. Everybody was like, no, I really liked the episode.
Starting point is 00:13:48 Somebody posted the N-word locker from Family Matters. Was that it? Oh, yeah. Was that real? Yeah, I think that was from an actual episode. It was that Laura goes to close her locker, and the N-word scrawled across it. An Urkel goes.
Starting point is 00:14:04 I think it was an Urkel goes. Is it an E or an R? I think it was an ER. Yeah. Wow. I was like, wow, Urkel exists in a universe with systemic racism. Fantastic. Yeah, Carl's fucking contributing to it. Okay.
Starting point is 00:14:20 Tomton says, superhero. Superhero that tell women, you better do what I say or I beat you and go around killing random people for no reason because they told him to leave runaway from cops after killing people. Did he really do the superhero? Uh, well, he says something else here. I don't know what that's it. That's very, well, I understand the point he's making is that how is this guy ever a
Starting point is 00:14:42 superhero? I saw him as just as somebody wrote in a review. So one of our fans reviewed it and Eric was very mad about the review, but he says, uh, I saw him. I saw him shows up in the club and the heroic employees of club Merck try to try to stop this evil black man from ruining a good time.
Starting point is 00:15:00 And I was like, that is kind of what's happening. Yeah. Uh, Tony Gibron. He says imposter syndrome just sounds like a way for rich and successful people to twist their accomplishments into a pity party. That's true. Good point.
Starting point is 00:15:12 It's not always, well, yeah, maybe. Yeah, I'm also rich and successful, but I just don't feel like I deserve it. Can you make me feel like I deserve it too? I feel fairly confident in some of my skills. You? Yeah. Some of my other skills, I feel fairly confident in some of my skills. You? Yeah. Some of my other skills I feel imposter-y.
Starting point is 00:15:28 Kiwi says, can we get a Strongwiener comic? Whether it's written and illustrated by a child or AI, it's going to be better than I saw them. Hmm.
Starting point is 00:15:36 Maybe. I want to make more comics now. I'm excited. Buddy, you got your one comic to make. Yeah, I know. And that's my focus. All right. Once that's my focus. All right.
Starting point is 00:15:45 Once that's on the path, who knows? Chief Wahoo says, how is this even against the culture war anyway? It's basically a crappier Black Panther. I don't know. Well, that's also what drives me nuts is that it is, everybody does go, oh, we're winning the culture war. And I'm like, but this isn't even like a culture war thing. It's just like a guy.
Starting point is 00:16:04 Yeah. It's like, yeah yeah but that's enough because like if the liberals made it he'd be gay and fucking dudes and I'm like liberals make stuff about gay there are liberals who are just making normal stuff he lives with a guy out in the middle of the woods it's pretty gay to me or out in the middle of the ranch
Starting point is 00:16:20 or something there's something kind of homoerotic there yeah they don't even say what his ranch does Because it's doing man milk Wow And he hires a bunch of white slaves To run it for him Long wool coat says I lost my speaker a month ago
Starting point is 00:16:33 And I refuse to buy a new one because I fucking hear it somewhere I can hear what's playing music Off this phone right now I know it's here somewhere How can you not locate the speaker if the speaker is making noise? Maybe he's an idiot. It must have fallen under the couch or something. Jason Fakua says,
Starting point is 00:16:51 The reckoning coming Vito's way when Superkiller comes out. Oh, I think this is supposed to be read. The reckoning coming Vito's way when Superkiller comes out. He's been talking shit for years. Hopefully there won't be much ammo for people okay but the difference is that if somebody came to me and said i didn't like this part of
Starting point is 00:17:11 your comic i would go well that's interesting maybe i can improve upon that i wouldn't go this crack smoking uh he called me the fucking word it's actually been weird because some of eric fans have been like, I don't like the art of your comic. And I go, well, I think it's technically proficient. Yeah, leave the artist out of it. I also don't think the art is bad in any way. I'm like, you can say you don't like the style, but.
Starting point is 00:17:38 I'm sure the artists really love what I'm doing. I don't think, I don't know if he's aware of it. I don't ask him. I'm always worried that one day I'm gonna get an email Where he's like Hey I finally listened To your podcast And uh I'm out
Starting point is 00:17:49 Luckily he's Mexican There's enough Of a language barrier That I don't think He's gonna listen To the podcast Jared S says I'd 100% buy
Starting point is 00:17:58 The incredibly stupid Woman comic You should do that So you said You're not gonna make comics But then everybody's telling you You got a golden idea Maybe I'll do that It See, you said you're not going to make comics, but then everybody's telling you you got a golden idea. Maybe I'll do that. It'd be pretty great, a woman
Starting point is 00:18:07 crashing cars. I can't charge $35 for that shit, though. You don't have to charge $35 for it. $10. Yeah, you can make it like a cheap, like, floppy whatever the hell thing. Maybe I'll just do it for Christmas. Or you could do it as part of the magazine that I pitched to you. Yeah, Rev, while I decided
Starting point is 00:18:24 to read Isom to see if it was any good, the biggest takeaway when I finished was that if someone asked me what it was about, then it would be impossible for me to explain it to them. I now understand why the synopsis was so bad. Okay. It's about a black guy who spends 100 pages going to one building, fighting a guy, then going away, then going back to that building And fighting the same guy Yeah okay With no development to any character For no reason He found Jasmine
Starting point is 00:18:51 And she said She kind of just walked away He grabs her and then in the very next panel Some security guards grab him And then he says is that any way You gotta grab somebody aggressively Is that any way to treat somebody And you go well there's you doing that to her right there.
Starting point is 00:19:06 Remember when he visits Darren at the beginning of the comic? Yeah. Could have found Jasmine then. Yeah. It could have been like, and then from there, the mystery could start unfolding. Instead, after like 80 pages, it's like, oh, there's Jasmine. I'm like, well, what is the point? There's no, all right, whatever.
Starting point is 00:19:22 We're going down a rabbit hole. Well, Dick, you're the winner. Oh, never mind. But we first have to do our favorite segment. Right. Vote it up! Vote on the problem. I think we did that one already.
Starting point is 00:19:34 Yeah. Shit. We definitely did that one already. V-toe. P-toe. V-toe. All right. P-toe.
Starting point is 00:19:44 P-toe. P-toe. V-toe. P-toe. All right. They've been knew for voting To fear self-promotion But the sets have broken Vote it up If you don't vote I'll mutilate your family Biggest prop, Lumlot show That's where you have got to go Criminalizing straight sex Bonus full of incest Ditting your band-aid with That's where you have got to go. Criminalizing straight sex.
Starting point is 00:20:26 Boners full of incest. Ditching your band-aid rent. Both get dumped. Fake mobile gamers. 14 to 60, your class. Keep it going. Twice as long. Twice as long, guys.
Starting point is 00:20:47 Thank you. Good solid minute there. Blitzkrieg bop. From Mao Zedong, it says. I was going to say. Wait a minute, what? Oh, Blitzkrieg bop, that's the name of the song? Blitzkrieg bop is the name of the song. Okay. Is his name voted up, Stinger?
Starting point is 00:20:59 The Ramones? I don't know any song titles. Well, Blitzkrieg bop. The Blitzkrieg bop, bop, bop, bop. I also can't hear lyrics ever. Well, the Ramones were not known for their verbosity, their enunciation. Okay. From Mao Zedong. Well, Dick.
Starting point is 00:21:17 Yeah. Back in episode 27, digging back in the archives, for a problem called Smoking is Too Cool. Right, I remember that Well Canada has just announced That it will begin putting Individual warning labels On cigarettes and other tobacco products In an effort to further reduce their appeal It will be the world's first country
Starting point is 00:21:36 To use this measure That means each individual cigarette Will now be printed With various anti-smoking messages Dick Like I'm an absler Well I have They should say that will now be printed with various anti-smoking messages, Dick. Like, I'm an F-sler? Well, I have.
Starting point is 00:21:49 They should say that. This is a cock? That was just a little picture of Dylan Mulvaney on it going, Oh my God. That would work. Why don't they just put like a bunch of trans and gay shit all over it? Trans rights. If every fucking cigarette was rainbow colored, it would stop so much smoking so much quicker.
Starting point is 00:22:05 Camels should have like a gay pack and they should go like, you know, actually we hate smoking. That's why we put fucking trans shit all over it because then you're not going to buy it. Right, guys? Right? That would be awesome. Well, Dick, some of these individual health warnings on each cigarette will include slogans such as cigarettes damage your organs, cigarettes cause cancer, poison in every puff, and worst of all. That sounds cool.
Starting point is 00:22:31 That does sound cool. But here's the worst one. Cigarettes cause impotence. Can you imagine smoking that in front of your friends? Yeah, but if you're talking about impotence, she's thinking about your dick. That's true. Poison in every puff is pretty cool. Are they going to go throw a hissy fit When I criticize these
Starting point is 00:22:45 Slogans Not gonna work Cause people have a death wish Man I think How dare you say that About our ad slogans I think at this
Starting point is 00:22:55 I think like at the point Where you gotta put This is killing you On the cigarette Just admit you lost Just give up Who cares Yeah
Starting point is 00:23:02 Everybody knows Everybody doesn't care Cause again Smoking is too cool It offsets any amount of thing You do to Admit you lost just give up who cares Yeah everybody knows Everybody doesn't care because again Smoking is too cool it Offsets any amount of thing you do to and Honestly it does make it cooler to put poison in every Puff on there you go yeah I'm gonna fucking Die well because it also sounds
Starting point is 00:23:16 Like alliteration yeah like Your doctor doesn't your doctor Doesn't say like I'm sorry you have large cell Hodgkin's lymphoma He says that like he doesn't Say like oh you've got like a large cell Hodgkin's lymphoma. He says that. He doesn't say like, oh, you've got like a. You've got lucky lymphoma going on here. And you're like, ooh, a little alliteration.
Starting point is 00:23:31 That makes it fun. You've got a spell in your cell. Yeah. You could just, if you just put pictures of penises. If cigarettes had to have a picture of penis on it so it looked like you were sucking on a little penis. Yeah. You'd be done. Or if they just put a little semen in them.
Starting point is 00:23:44 There was a little semen in them there's a little semen in every cigarette yeah and they had to add it by law you'd go oh yeah that's the thing harmful yeah exactly you're like you're required you're required to have the filter and a little bit of pig semen that's fucking genius because like tar you're like yeah whatever it's in my lungs that's cool i don't care dude you're like yeah whatever It's in my lungs, that's cool Dude you're fucking smoking jizz Filter doesn't work cause you put your fingers on it Every cigarette should have to be a little slimy Like it's been dipped in jizz
Starting point is 00:24:14 We have to do, by law We have to make one cigarette In every Yeah, every like carton Has to have a full of pig jizz All in it The whole thing And when you smoke it, you know I don't think I need two Every carton has to have a full of pig jizz all in it. The whole thing.
Starting point is 00:24:26 And when you smoke it, you know. I don't think I need two. I think I just need one cigarette today. Why are we not on the health council? We could fix this overnight. Because it's all a big popularity contest. Like, every, you got to learn how to play ball and not tip the canoe. Well, Dick, smoking is too cool is currently ranked number 309 with only 100 upvotes.
Starting point is 00:24:49 I feel like we can get it up there, guys. Don't forget to vote it up. Other problem, which you'll remember. I believe you brought this one in. Going all the way back to episode 22. Yeah. Going back to work. Oh, man.
Starting point is 00:25:00 Yeah. Well, you know who doesn't want to go back to work? Teachers. Are these Amazon employees, Dick? Oh, why? Who walked off the job Wednesday, calling on the company to reconsider its return to office mandate, as well as curb their greenhouse gas emissions. I don't really understand how those are related. Who cares about that shit?
Starting point is 00:25:17 I don't know. They just tried to get them both in at the same time. Nearly 2,000. Greenhouse gas emissions? What? Bitch, we don't want to work. I don't give a shit about that at all. Nearly 2,000 Amazon employees joined the
Starting point is 00:25:29 walkout. Starting in May, Amazon began requiring employees to work from the office at least three days a week. What do you think? Should people be forced to go back to the office or should we embrace this new work from home lifestyle? I think we gotta bring everyone back and fire all women
Starting point is 00:25:46 But you can't do one or the other you gotta do both. Yeah, you can't have everyone working at home and Firing women. How about all the women have a vacation? But if you're bringing it back to the office, I get it because everybody's work There's more like work getting done. We gotta get rid of women We can't we can't make everyone come back and have to tolerate that shit all day. Now is the time. If we remove women from the workplace, men will naturally want to return. Send them to Ukraine.
Starting point is 00:26:14 The women. Yeah. Need some fresh bodies over there for the meat grinder. I don't know if that's the exact solution. All I know, Dick, is that going back to work is currently number 52. That's pretty high. 563 upvotes. So don't forget to go to the website, biggestproblem.show, and vote it up.
Starting point is 00:26:36 Oh, shit. I moved it. All right. That was a really good. That was such a good setup. That was a really good transition. Shit. I perfectly nailed it.
Starting point is 00:26:44 Shit. Blitzkrieg bop. Yeah, I see it now. You fucked up my transition. P-Dough. V-Dough. P-Dough. V-Dough.
Starting point is 00:26:55 Yeah, I get it. All right. P-Dough. V-Dough. P-Dough. A little decoration. Take me to the station. Stop laughing at this.
Starting point is 00:27:05 A people's liberation. So get up. Asshole. You are the winner for this week, Dick. Pizza. Fizz up in motion. You don't even know what the song is. You don't even know what the song is.
Starting point is 00:27:18 So get up. Oh, yeah. My. If you. What is your problem? Your problem is people who pretend not to get jokes. Oh man, I can't imagine. Pretending not to get the joke.
Starting point is 00:27:33 Yeah. This one was today. Keith Olblerman. Keith Olblerman. You know that guy, that sportscasting guy that's pretending to be in politics now? Is that what he's doing? I don't know what he's doing. He used to be a sportscaster. Yeah, I know that, but that sportscasting guy that's pretending to be in politics now? Is that what he's doing? I don't know what he's doing. He used to be a sportscaster.
Starting point is 00:27:47 Yeah, I know that. But, like, what does he do now? Does he even have a show? He just complains about Trump, I guess. I don't know. Does he have his own show somewhere? In this case, Chrissy Mayer, who's a very good friend of ours. Yeah, we love Chrissy.
Starting point is 00:27:56 She's making this obvious joke, right? It's pretty ridiculous to just assume that Chick-fil-A, I mean, you know, I'm hesitant to make a fried chicken joke, but they sell fried chicken. I don't know how much more inclusive we can get here. Okay. I really want a longer clip because it kind of felt like the Newsmax guy was like, oh, no. I think if there is a record for how uncomfortable you can make a joke, I would like to see what it is after that. Yeah, she really, if you're going to make the joke, I think you just got to stone face it.
Starting point is 00:28:37 What if people say they're not inclusive? They got fried chicken. The thing is. I just got to say that, that I mean I have dated black guy But I mean I didn't know Like it wasn't a thing I was doing I have a great relationship with my dad That's not to say
Starting point is 00:28:51 That that would be a reason Oh man But my point is Look I will give I will give Chrissy credit For even attempting that joke I would not have attempted that joke We're gonna get to you
Starting point is 00:29:04 We're gonna get to what you would or would not have attempted that joke. We're going to get to you. We're going to get to what you would or would not attempt. I've attempted some. I've said some things. Here is somebody going, yikes. Oh, man. Like, you know she's making a joke. You know, I support hate speech and jokes equally.
Starting point is 00:29:19 Like, they're both free speech, whatever. But. Yeah, I don't want to cancel Chrissy over this. It's a pretty. Yeah, but this is like a... You guys know this is a joke. Keith Olbermann knows. Look at this.
Starting point is 00:29:30 He says, look at this piece of shit. And he says POS. Chrissy Mayer being overtly and proudly racist. It's also like the most boring form of racism. It's like, guys, come on. We've been making these jokes forever. Everybody knows you make a fried chicken joke. It doesn really mean anything here's another one that uh here's another one of two guys that are obviously making a joke that now you thought that this would come
Starting point is 00:29:56 back and bite you right this fan art i really i wonder why i was worried i wonder why i was worried. I wonder why I was worried that this would come back. This fan art of my character kneeling on a black man's neck, which has now been retweeted by like 125,000 viewers. Jesus Christ. 60,000 people saw this. This is us
Starting point is 00:30:20 looking at Vito's super killer fan art. That's expertly edited by a moron to take out all the parts where I go Well obviously I don't approve of this So it's just a video of me laughing At a George Floyd joke Involving Eric July's character
Starting point is 00:30:35 I remember when you spent like three Minutes disavowing it and I was thinking In my head they're just gonna clip this out What's the point of disavowing it With that There's a number of Isn'towing it? What's that? There's a number of phones. Isn't that what your guy does? He kills superheroes.
Starting point is 00:30:50 Yeah, right? You remember that. Yeah, it was a great bit, honestly. The guy did the fan art, which is cool. Yeah. And he said you could make posters of it. And now I have people saying, well, that's how they are, these racists. They're the real racists.
Starting point is 00:31:04 And then, look, he's got us laughing those screenshots of us laughing are not even from the same episode oh really that's from a complete i didn't have that hat in that oh you're right look i have my hair looks like shit in this one yeah so he took other pictures of us laughing to make it look like we're laughing way harder at that image he took a picture of me with a better hair. And I'm all like color graded to be like red for some. Yeah, I look like the devil. So they really, again, we look way more racist when you take pictures of us laughing that fucking hard from a different episode.
Starting point is 00:31:39 I guess. I mean, it is just a bizarre thing. I don't know why he couldn't have grabbed it from the episode he was mad about. Here's another joke that people never take. Always pretend that they don't understand. Well, yeah. A-O Vito. Vito says, non-offending means that we understand breaking the existing laws is a no-no.
Starting point is 00:31:59 This guy says, A-O Vito, who's we? And you say, me and the rest of the child predators. Yeah, I'll never get away from that joke. Chrissy Mayer. You know what? I get Away from that joke Chrissy Mayer you know What I do have to give a Chrissy Mayer shit though Because she pulled the I don't get the joke on me On a Nina infinity stream Right where I had said
Starting point is 00:32:16 That's right it's like Where did you get this or something and I was like They were like god I forget Exactly what the joke was but you're right And I said like that's when that beef started yeah for me yeah and i was like oh my 14 year old girlfriend gave it to me they were like you're a pedophile you're a pedophile because of this and i said i'm not a pedophile that was my 14 year old girlfriend who did it or something stupid like that
Starting point is 00:32:38 and then christy mayor was like well i just don't see how that's a joke i'm like no it's an expertly layered joke where i'm denying pedophilia accusations. Well, it's not serious. No, obviously not. It's gotta be a joke then. If it's not fucking serious, that's the difference between the H-Beach guys talking about FBI crime statistics and father and single mother babies. They're fucking serious.
Starting point is 00:33:01 They're not making jokes. I think we really need the people who go You should be able to joke about anything Like okay well that includes All jokes guys You know everybody defends Chrissy Mayer For uh But it happens now the reason I say this is because It happens um across
Starting point is 00:33:18 The political spectrum Yeah Which where we've just seen Keith Olbermann is a liberal You know one of these liberal pussies I don't think Chrissy Mayer is racist because of that joke she made I think she's racist because she hangs out with Anthony Acumia But that's a whole other thing That's a joke see
Starting point is 00:33:33 Anthony Acumia is not joking Anthony Acumia is not joking Look if there's anyone I can say Is just actually racist Anthony Acumia Which I don't care I'm not saying anything Not that there's anything wrong with that Anyone I can say is just actually racist. Anthony Kouyos. Which I don't care. Which is fine. I'm not saying anything.
Starting point is 00:33:46 I can't stop you. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Well, it's not great. It's not great for a legendary broadcaster to be tweeting the N-word that many times. But sure. Him, I can say that. Chrissy, she's got plausible deniability. So she's getting the treatment that she gave you. Yeah. I don't see how that's a joke. Like, well, he's, you know, a comedian. She's got plausible deniability So she's getting the treatment that she gave you
Starting point is 00:34:05 Yeah I don't see how that's a joke Like, well, he's, you know, a comedian She's a comedian It's clearly comedian in her bio Making the oldest joke in the world About fried chicken Entertaining the African-American population
Starting point is 00:34:17 Jimmy Kimmel in blackface You ever see them post? Like, oh, this liberal's saying this Here he is Doing Carl Malone Yeah He's all in blackface Like well you guys know That he's joking
Starting point is 00:34:28 Right Right What are you trying to do Make him look black Like make him look racist There's a lot of weird Tit for tat Of like
Starting point is 00:34:36 Well you're Actually That's what they're doing To us Is they're like Those guys make racist jokes All the time And then we make a joke
Starting point is 00:34:43 Which we didn't make Somebody else made that art we were reacting to it and they go well i mean whatever maybe we could have drawn it ourselves all the time i don't give a shit yeah half my problems are pro-black related for some fucking reason uh and they go oh those guys are the real racists and i go no we're all joking everyone is joking that's irrelevant except anthony kumia he's not joking. That's not racism. It's a joke. Right. Racism is like turning you down for a bank loan. Right.
Starting point is 00:35:10 It's not. It doesn't matter if the joke is racist. And you know that. You know that. You know that it's a joke. Roger Waters dressed up as a Nazi. Did you see him doing that? Yes. And everybody saying, and that was, I don't know if you even called it a joke, but I mean yeah, it's sat mean yeah It's satire
Starting point is 00:35:25 It's in the realm of Kramer at the laugh factory Okay well That might be That's a joke See you can't even get on board You as a comedian joking about Me and the rest of the child predators
Starting point is 00:35:42 Can't get on board with the fork in your ass I mean You know I got banned one of my accounts got banned Me and the rest of the child predators can't get on board with the fork in your ass. I mean, you know, I got banned. One of my accounts got banned because of the Kramer joke. What do you mean? I had my second Twitter, which I'm actually trying to get back because it had like 10,000 followers. Oh, yeah? Stone Toss posted like some comic he has that shows Kramer on stage.
Starting point is 00:36:02 Right. And I just responded To it with what is the quote 500 years 50 500 years you'd be on a different continent We don't have to worry about it you know what I mean 50 years ago we'd have you upside down With a fork up your ass And somebody reported me for making a threat
Starting point is 00:36:19 So that was the ultimate Not what do you call it Knowing it's a joke Pretending it's you call it Knowing it's a joke Pretending it's a joke And pretending it's a threat Trump doing the thing like Oh I'm so confused He's doing a disabled
Starting point is 00:36:37 Retarded joke He's like well no that guy doesn't do this though He's just like His hand's like kind of goofy. Like he's not going, and you know what he's doing. You know he's going like a guy, like a woman driving. Like, you do the same face. It annoys me because the people doing it know,
Starting point is 00:36:57 they know that they're doing it only to trick retarded people who legitimately don't know that it's not a joke. There's a lot of stupid people that don't understand jokes and don't know when something is a joke or not. Don't understand metaphors. Can't think of an apple. If you say apple they're like, just, yeah, apple. The word. They don't have any picture in their fucking head.
Starting point is 00:37:16 The guys who think that we are racist towards Eric July because we don't like his comic. And the guy posting about it knows. Keith Olbermann knows. They all know. Christy Mayer knows that's a pedophile joke. Yes. Okay? Everybody knows, but they're lying about it to trick
Starting point is 00:37:31 people who are retarded in that way into thinking that it's real, and they can't tell the difference. Well, they also do that thing where they go, yeah, he's joking about it because that's what he really believes. Yeah. That's what she really thinks about black people. It's like, you don't know that.
Starting point is 00:37:47 You gotta have evidence of that. You can't just say that. I promise she doesn't think that Chick-fil-A has fried chicken because of black people. I think she also knows it's not bringing the black community together nearly as much. She's saying six million cookies you can't bake them in the ovens. I understand that joke, and I joke Fault the man for that joke Right Obviously a fucking joke
Starting point is 00:38:07 Obviously a joke But yeah can you believe he said that He's denying the holocaust Can you believe it If he's gonna deny the holocaust He's not gonna do it like that Do you wanna do one Nick Fuentes Shout out on every show now
Starting point is 00:38:16 Is that Is that the deal you penned with Cozy And once every show I'll make sure To defend the honor of the great Nick Fuentes Yeah Yeah Well I get what you're saying Dick
Starting point is 00:38:28 Yeah It's not good I think that's all that I had Alright Well that problem is called People who pretend Not to get jokes Pretend not to get jokes
Starting point is 00:38:37 Joke deniers That's a great one No that's not good Eh whatever we'll figure it out It'll be on the website Biggestproblem.show Dick It's the month of June. Can you believe it?
Starting point is 00:38:48 Yeah. And June is everyone's favorite month because it's also known as Pride Month. Gay shit. Gay stuff is here. Gayed up my ass. Yeah. Gay cars. Woo.
Starting point is 00:39:00 Gay condoms. Are you going to get a gay icon? Are you going to make a rainbow icon? I'm going to get a gay decal right on my asshole I made a gay Twitter icon I put a rainbow flag on my thing Nah, I'm not gonna do that Well, I'll tell you why I did it, Tink
Starting point is 00:39:13 Oh, okay Because for the longest time Because you're gay Well For the longest time Heteroflexible For the longest time We considered Pride Month
Starting point is 00:39:23 You know, we knew it was stupid. Yeah. It's dumb. Yeah. Everybody accepts gay people. It's a settled thing. You got gay marriage. I honestly thought that.
Starting point is 00:39:34 It's not, you know, you guys are always playing the victim. It's not like everyone's out here calling you Satanists and pedophiles every day of every week. And then it came true. And my problem is... Is that enough pride? Are you reversing your previous problem? It's not enough pride, I guess we can call it that.
Starting point is 00:39:56 The problem is conservatives, I had it as conservatives justifying the necessity of Pride Month. For the longest time, it's like, we get it, you're here. You're queer. We're fine. Just get over it. Whatever. And now, the rhetoric actually matches up to all the
Starting point is 00:40:12 bullshit they've been saying. Like, they want to kill us and they want to take our jobs away and whatever else. And we're like, no. You guys are fucking stupid. And now it's fucking happening and I'm like, fuck. Damn it! Because I still think Pride Month is fucking stupid and I still think the pride flag with the triangle is fucking stupid Yeah, and it's stupid. You got to put a gay character in every sitcom and every movie, but then I go okay
Starting point is 00:40:35 But then there are a bunch of guys every day who are telling me if a teacher tells her students that she's in a lesbian Relationship she should be dragged out in the fucking city square and shot for child grooming. Yeah. And you're like, oh, God, guys, come on. You're doing it. And that's the worst part is that it's making. You guys are asking for it.
Starting point is 00:40:57 You're asking for it. You're asking for it. You're asking them to triple down at this point. You realize it's going to make things a million times gayer. Because now it's going to be like, I'm not even going to just tell my kids I'm a lesbian. I'm going to come to school as a drag fucking thing. And I'm going to have my tits flopping around and show them dildos all the fucking time. I like that you're using lesbians in these examples because it makes it more palatable for me.
Starting point is 00:41:20 If it was a gay guy, you'd be like, okay, well, that's a little much. Yeah, if it was like Some super hot teacher Like she told us All about her Gay sex life I was like Go on Go on
Starting point is 00:41:29 What did she say About those My teacher brought her Lesbian wife To class And they kissed In front of all of us Nice
Starting point is 00:41:39 Really Nice How long Did she give her A little pat on the ass on the way out Interesting Just the argument Why did you hear about this?
Starting point is 00:41:50 Come on, come in here Look, it's fine As I always say, there are a lot of sane people Who have very common sense arguments about what's going on I agree with some of the stuff Where it goes, yeah, that book probably shouldn't be in that specific school library What about Black Aragorn? You hated that, right?
Starting point is 00:42:08 I'm mixed on Black Aragorn. Okay, never mind. I can't help you. Well, I don't know. I don't like it. I think it's stupid. He's gay. What about that?
Starting point is 00:42:18 Yeah, if he's gay, then that's good. Again, there's some stuff that, you know, conservatives say where I go, yes, I do think some stuff's gone too far I do think There can be some drag shows that are like Most drag shows are fine Most drag shows are fucking Awful it's just It's just the
Starting point is 00:42:35 Stupid cabaret bullshit In town karaoke-ing And not well Um That's why they should be banned. I understand if it's a setting where, like, a kid is stuffing dollar bills in someone's thong. I could go, all right, I understand why you're offended by it. I still don't want to outlaw it.
Starting point is 00:42:54 Like, I still go, look, as long as they're not fucking, if they're naked and whatever else, I get it. They're just calling gay people pedophiles now. I don't know. Yeah, I mean, that's the thing is that the rhetoric is now just like literally if you're gay, you're a pedophile or you're trying to convert kids to be gay or whatever. And I'm like, I really don't think that's why. I think
Starting point is 00:43:13 at the end of the day, it's like, well, then why show it to kids? And it's like, because those kids are going to grow up and they don't want them to grow up and be like, because there's gay kids. That's why there are gay kids. And then there's also normal kids are going to grow up and vote for shit. And they don't want them to grow up going, man, I fucking hate gays and gays are the worst. They don't want them
Starting point is 00:43:30 to be gay. They just want them to be like, yeah, I'm cool with gays. I don't care. This is your guys' fault for needing teachers. You guys just had to have your free state babysitters. And now you don't like what they're saying. That's too fucking bad. You shouldn't have done this shit in the first place
Starting point is 00:43:46 You want to have kids so bad You should have made enough money So you didn't need a second fucking job You should have not built this giant socialist monolith To raise and take care of your fucking kids And now it sucks for you And now your kids are chopping their dicks off Well that's too fucking bad
Starting point is 00:44:02 Maybe you should have thought of that Before you did something this fucking stupid. We are kind of in a hole in terms of like, it's not going to get better guys. Like, just this is what you this is what you had. Yeah, you created public school. Who's going to become a public school teacher? A bunch of weird
Starting point is 00:44:18 queer guys who got you know, don't really know. And women No women Yeah well a bunch of women There's some guys You think if women
Starting point is 00:44:28 Stop talking about gay shit They're gonna come up With something better I don't think The devil you know Is better You wanna If you make it illegal
Starting point is 00:44:35 For women to stop Talking about gay shit You're not gonna believe What they're gonna start Talking about They're gonna start Telling your kids about money Oh yeah it's good to have
Starting point is 00:44:43 All your stuff on one credit card It's good to have all your stuff on one credit card It's good to have it all in one place Woo It's good to pay off the minimum Cause then the credit card company knows That you're reliable Wow That would be good
Starting point is 00:44:57 You know what drives me crazy about it How everyone talking about it Has no concept Of how many questions kids ask. Yeah. Like, they're like, well, you know, the teacher's, like, popping this question. Like, no, no, no, listen to me. First of all.
Starting point is 00:45:12 They really seem convinced. First of all. Yeah. All the kids know that they're gay. Yeah. All of them. All the fucking kids know that the teacher's gay, and they know who the gay kid in the class is by, like, third grade. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:45:21 By the time they're in like fourth fifth grade they 100 know and they have an idea of what they're doing and one of the kids in their class is cat fishing an adult as another adult that's the fucking world and they all know about it and the ones that do kind of know about it know it's bad but they can't they don't know but they can't they're not gonna rat out their fucking friend they're all asking their teacher every fucking day hey so what's your what's your husband what's your what's your wife what's your husband what's your wife what's your husband what's your so what's your husband? What's your wife? What's your husband? What's your wife? What's your husband? What's your wife? What's your husband?
Starting point is 00:45:46 And what are they supposed to fuck? I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys know. You've seen them once in a while, I assume. You could be fucking the greatest detective in the world. I saw him. And you still can't keep that shit secret. Well, they seem to think that, like, just the kids being aware that you're in any sort of relation.
Starting point is 00:46:00 They're like, I just don't know why they need to talk about that. It's like, dude, You're with those kids For like Because their friend Has two gay dads That's why Because they're calling Each other gay All the fucking time
Starting point is 00:46:11 Yeah It's uh They really live In a bizarre space Where they think At this point I guess they just want Robot teachers
Starting point is 00:46:19 Just get robot teachers Then That's what they want Because then the robot teachers Aren't you know Fucking and sucking And talking about anything they just go here is math and all the kids will fuck each other that's why you need an adult in there you go stop doing what you're doing because little kids do that little kids play with their dicks and genitals all the fucking time
Starting point is 00:46:38 the point is that at no point in time did i ever feel the need to uh you know give out you know say hey I support the gay community. I was like, they know they're supported. They're fine. And now this Pride Month... They're doing better than me. That's what I always thought. And now this Pride Month, I feel like I really have to go, hey, gay, trans, lesbian people
Starting point is 00:46:57 out there, maybe in my audience, like, we're cool. I don't think you're pedophiles, and I don't think you're trying to molest kids, or I don't think you worship Satanophiles, and I don't think you're trying to molest kids, or I don't think you worship Satan. Is that so they buy your comic? Yes. No.
Starting point is 00:47:11 You know who else supports your rights as super killer? I'm genuinely, like, if I was a gay guy, let's put it this way, everybody calls me, well, I'm saying- What are you sucking cocks over there? If I was, like, an out and proud Like waving the flag Or whatever else And every day You know
Starting point is 00:47:28 Well, maybe I will be now Maybe that's gonna be my thing You're gonna come in with chaps and shit And leather like biker shirts in here I'm gonna get fucking a leather like suspenders And fucking nipple clamps Cause I feel like I have to Now it's like my community
Starting point is 00:47:43 Like I gotta support my community And the community that I previously was like Well yeah I don't know these guys are fucking Crazy F slurs I might start doing Amyl Nitrate In support of the gay community Sure why not I just feel like
Starting point is 00:48:01 You know And you know how like I've always been talking about like a lot of like, I have a lot of problems with some of the trans stuff and whatever else at this point. I'm like crazy. Yeah. It's crazy. But I'm also can't make fun of it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:12 But yeah. And that drove me. That's for the longest time. But now I'm like, you know what? I feel like I'm in that position where like, I almost, I'm like, yeah, I still think it's crazy, but now I just don't want to talk about it because all that happens is a bunch of guys show up and they go, yeah, they work for Satan. They're pedophiles.
Starting point is 00:48:28 It's the same thing that happened with Star Wars. Anytime I want to talk about a topic, a bunch of conservative right wing nut jobs show up and they go, yeah, Kathleen Kennedy's trying to make all our kids gay by destroying Luke Skywalker and making females the dominant force in the guy. And I'm like, now I don't want to talk about it. You guys have ruined it. I just want to hate women. I don't want to be in all this, like, gay shit that you're talking about. So, uh... Yeah, they're trying to promote women. Like, yeah, because women are fucking stupid, right?
Starting point is 00:48:53 Like, no, because they're trying to make us gay. Like, what? And all this shit with Target, where they're going through the Target and determining what is and what isn't Satan. And, uh, again, they're calling Target and threatening. They're like, we're going to bomb the fucking Target if you don't take the Pride shit down. And they take it down. They're like, we got them.
Starting point is 00:49:08 Yeah, we got them. That's what they're celebrating. Yeah, you issued violent threats. Why are you happy about this? Why aren't you doing that to the government? Yeah. So now I have to go, well, I'm clearly not on the side of that. Like, that's horrifying.
Starting point is 00:49:20 What the fuck is wrong with you guys? I think Pride Month is stupid, too. But I'm not telling them, if you don't take it down, I'm going to kill you and your family, you fucking idiots. Did you see the Dodgers did that cross-dressing nuns shit? And their whole deal is to promote safe sex with gay men so they don't get AIDS. Is that what the sisters do? Yeah. The organization?
Starting point is 00:49:43 Yeah. Yeah. And they're like, this is a blasphemous. Like, I don't, I really don't think, I think preventing AIDS is probably better than like. It's worth offending a couple Catholics. Yeah, you could like, you could like cross dress as nuns if you're stopping AIDS. Yeah. I think that's okay.
Starting point is 00:49:59 Also, if there was like, let's be clear. How many AIDS have you stopped? Have you guys stopped? If there was an organization of sexy nuns for like guys, that was like a charity. Every calendar. Nobody would say like, oh, this is offending me as a Catholic. Like nobody would give a shit. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:15 It would be like boomer to your cringe shit. They'd be into it. Point is that the newfound necessity of Pride Month is what you guys actually manifested it into being necessary. I can't believe you guys did that. Like I was perfectly fine with just every year going, yeah, it's pride month.
Starting point is 00:50:35 How stupid, how stupid it's so fucking gay, blah, blah, blah. And now it's like, no, we actually do have to celebrate gay people because a bunch of psychopaths
Starting point is 00:50:43 want to kill them. Great. Thanks. Uh, did you see that lady, uh, No we actually do have to celebrate gay people Because a bunch of psychopaths want to kill them Great Thanks Did you see that lady That trans lady That lactated Yeah I saw a little bit of it
Starting point is 00:50:57 Poisoning her I was like wow that's weird I wouldn't drink that Were you trying to get her on the show? Yeah, I wanted to buy some of her milk She can't be getting that much milk Even if I get a little bit You know, like the pig semen
Starting point is 00:51:15 I just need a little bit I was like, yeah, let me get some of that milk, right? Yeah And then the guy's like, oh, she's poisoning her kid I was like, uh, really? You guys are that upset by Get some of that milk Right Yeah And then Guy's like Oh she's poisoning her Kid I'm just like Uh Really Yeah
Starting point is 00:51:28 You guys are that upset by What about just like Smoking Is that not Is that Yeah a lot of moms Are smoking around their kids Smoking
Starting point is 00:51:36 Is that How bad is that then Versus like this weird Lactating shit I would need I would need to see the science On what male breast Male hormone infested breast milk contains.
Starting point is 00:51:47 You know, you don't know how to read science. You're right. I know. It's just, it's, no, it's not as good as regular milk. It's probably non-nutritious, but it probably doesn't kill the kid either. Maybe a little bit, you know. A lot of women can't lactate. They got to use formula anyway.
Starting point is 00:52:03 I feel like this is A whole other issue I don't know how I feel About the lactating man Why? Breastfeeding the kid I don't know Why do you do not Support pride?
Starting point is 00:52:12 Do you want a kid To suck your nipple Really that bad? Me? No No but this lady She does yeah Yeah
Starting point is 00:52:19 Well honestly though You know what's interesting One of the weird things About you know Trans people Or one of the weird things About you know Trans people Or one of the criticisms Is always that they're They're not really interested
Starting point is 00:52:28 In child rearing The same way a biological woman is Like a biological woman Part of womanhood Is wanting to have A fucking baby Being fucked Yeah
Starting point is 00:52:35 Yeah so in any way In a way This translate Is actually more Of a woman Than most trans women Oh yeah Whenever I think woman
Starting point is 00:52:43 I think of Someone with a bunch of science to prove their point, right? A clearly laid out argument backed up by facts and logic. I don't know what science they are. Yeah, here you go. Here's a list of scientific studies
Starting point is 00:52:54 I have that prove my point. Oh, wow. What a womanly thing to do that you're doing. I can see why you identify as a woman. Dick, it's fair. I can't tell you how many times that my girlfriend or mom has done that. Pride month, Dick. We, it's fair. I can't tell you how many times that my girlfriend or mom
Starting point is 00:53:05 has done that. Pride month, Dick. We have to celebrate everyone. I mean, are you serious with that? What, that I support? No, that lady was like, here's all the list of scientific facts.
Starting point is 00:53:15 I think it's weird and I don't want to know anything about it. I haven't looked into it and I don't want to think about it. Okay? Sometimes I go into my mom's book club and they're all like
Starting point is 00:53:25 Talking about What scientific studies They all read this week That proves something Or other It's a very weird Complicated situation You know what
Starting point is 00:53:33 It's your You're holding that Honey you're holding That upside down It goes like that With the big words On the top It's her kid
Starting point is 00:53:39 Yeah What if a regular guy Though wanted his baby To suck on his nipples Hilarious Hilarious I think I don't know what I think about that
Starting point is 00:53:50 Well it happened in that movie Junior Yeah does a baby suck Along the man's nipples I think they addressed that I haven't seen the movie in a million years You think it would be weird if guys like suddenly Cause guys are all doing like I'm super dad now and i want to talk about how i'm the guys are like oh i need to talk
Starting point is 00:54:10 about how i see guys not filling in as the dad and that means i'm filling in as a dad with their baby bjorn you think like the next step of that is going to be doing lactating i don't know man We live in a very strange time I kind of hope not Not to me I don't know how you just Roll with the punches I'm always like I don't know what's going on anymore
Starting point is 00:54:33 This is horrifying You gotta just go Wow look at that I just want everyone To shut up about Satan And pedophiles That's it Nah they're not
Starting point is 00:54:41 And the wokeness At least Trump is gonna get them To stop saying Everything is fucking woke. Yeah, he'll do that. Oh, he absolutely will. What do you think about DeSantis? Do you think he's gay? I don't know if he's gay.
Starting point is 00:54:54 I could imagine he's had an encounter. I don't know. With a cock. How many... He strikes me as the kind of guy who's only ever been with one woman his entire life Cause then the rest were guys Yeah the rest exactly
Starting point is 00:55:07 Alright I was gonna do male I was gonna do snail in votes Cause at first I thought they changed the policy For election Disinformation And we could talk about it And I was just gonna do election
Starting point is 00:55:24 They didn't change the policy Well they said you could talk about it and I was just gonna do election They didn't change the policy? Well they said you can talk about Election stealing but you can't Disparage mail-in voting So I was gonna do Snail-in voting Do you think that snail-in Let's just not
Starting point is 00:55:39 Then I thought that would be too close You literally just got Banned from YouTube Every day Yeah, but I had a lot of strikes on that Okay, we have a lot of strikes, I'm pretty sure No, I don't think so I think if somebody
Starting point is 00:55:52 Yeah, but snail and voting's different Because it's not It says not real Because like imagine if you put your vote on a snail Yeah, that would be the worst And it would go towards the voting area Stop, stop But it's all
Starting point is 00:56:04 Right? Yeah, it's all, right? Yeah, it's so slow. It's slow. I hate snail voting. Snail and voting. That's bad. Stop. Pick a different problem.
Starting point is 00:56:20 But. But what? Would you agree that it would be. Yeah. Do you think, would you want that it would be... Yeah. Do you think... Would you want to... Would you trust snail-in voting? No, Dick.
Starting point is 00:56:33 I would not trust snail-in voting. What are your top three reasons why... The sluggishness. There's never been a snail-in voting... Sure. Mass snail-in voting in America, right? Right. So let's not test it.
Starting point is 00:56:47 Overseeing all these snails could prove problematic. Their snails are probably always underpaid. And it'd be problematic. What's another reason? You can't keep your eye on the snails at all times, right? No, that'd be a problem. Okay, this is my real problem. Okay Nail and voting up you put snail and voting on there. Let everyone know why would you?
Starting point is 00:57:20 What's the deal man? You're faster than a snail. Anyway, just walk vote in oh We're not gonna have this channel for very much longer. That can be your problem. I don't, it can be your problem. I just don't want to talk about it too much. Yeah, I know. Me neither.
Starting point is 00:57:36 That's why I got messed up. I got a strike for doing the OJ Simpson versus Kanye thing. Really? Oh, did you know? Did you hear about that one? Not exactly. That OJ, he changed his pronouns to they, them. The Juice.
Starting point is 00:57:51 The Juice. Changed their pronouns to they, them. Sure. And that's why Kanye was so upset with The Juice because they get away with murder. Oh, he was upset with The Juice. Yeah, and The Juice. OJ, The Juice Simpson. The Juice are like, we're the biggest victim. Okay, I got it.
Starting point is 00:58:07 We're the biggest victim. We're always getting picked on. I'm doing the bit. I got it. I got an eight-speed strike for that. I'm sure you did. It was a long bit. Yeah, you got to cut it.
Starting point is 00:58:21 You really got to cut it. Semaglutide and Ozempic. That's my... Semaglutide And Ozempic That's my Semaglutide It's ruined It's ruined They look so different We're gonna have a world
Starting point is 00:58:33 Where it's just Strong men And saggy looking men Dude Tim Heidegger Looks like he has cancer In the newest season Of I Think You Should Leave I Think You Should Leave
Starting point is 00:58:43 Yeah and Sam Richardson Just looks like a ham on a mannequin, like some sort of a weird suit. Yeah. The Ozempic, that semaglutide, is it Ozempic? Is that what it is? Ozempic is one of the name brand versions. So semaglutide is the scientific name.
Starting point is 00:59:02 Okay. And the two most popular forms In pharmaceuticals are Ozempic and Wagovi Sam Richardson I think you should leave Usually he's my number two funniest guy ever
Starting point is 00:59:18 I've lost the funny fat We're not going to have any funny fat guys left This is exactly The problem Value me while you got me folks There's not going to have any funny fat guys left. This is exactly the problem. Value me while you got me, folks. There's not going to be any fun. Not only is there not going to be funny guys, there's not going to be any fat women to blame all of our problems on. Yeah. You're just going to have like lollipop heads. Well, you can make fun of that It's freaky You gotta look up Mindy Kaling
Starting point is 00:59:47 Okay let's see Let's see She's got a swimsuit line now No but you're gonna see her And you're gonna go That's not the most recent one Where's the most recent Oh there she looks like
Starting point is 00:59:58 Fucking Kim Kardashian Where where where where Which one of these Okay look at the size of her here I'm gonna blow that one up. Yeah, bring that one up. Look up like Mindy Kaling weight loss or something. Weight loss? Yeah. Okay.
Starting point is 01:00:11 Oh, look, it's literally the suggested weight loss. This one? Yeah, you can look at that one. This one with the swimsuit? Sure. There's a bunch of before and afters. Let's check it out. Here's her.
Starting point is 01:00:26 See this? Look at how fat she is. That makes me feel better about myself. Right. Look at that big old chicken arm, man. Rich, not funny, fat. There's some meat on that bone. I'm glad I'm not fucking something like that at home, right?
Starting point is 01:00:40 I'm John. You got something to be proud of. Yeah, I got something to be proud of with my life, not this fucking thing. Is this her now? I'm John. You got something to be proud of. Yeah, I got something to be proud of with my life. Not this fucking thing. Is this her now? I think so. What the fuck? There was a whole...
Starting point is 01:00:52 This is her now? Yeah. It looks like their faces get all stretched out. Something's going on with this Ozempic stuff. Everyone's turning into those scientists from 13 Monkeys. 12 Monkeys. Whatever it was. Look at this shit. Yeah. stuff. Everyone's turning into those scientists from 13 monkeys. 12 monkeys. Whatever it was. Look at this shit. Yeah, well, uh,
Starting point is 01:01:12 they look like completely different people. It's crazy. Chelsea Handler, I don't want her to have a reason to feel good about herself. Elon Musk uses it. They're saying, uh, what's the guy from uh, Grand Tour from, uh. Jeremy Clarkson? Yeah, Jeremy Clarkson's supposedly shrunken down. Everybody's tearing away at the fat.
Starting point is 01:01:33 I hate it. The only fat people that are going to be left are poor people. Yeah, then it's going to be, and I don't feel good making fun of fat poor people. I only want to make fun of fat people if I think it's their fault. Yeah, it's their fault because they have access to other things. Yeah, even if it turns out to not be the case. Even if it's just like a gum and pie thing. I need the illusion to blame them for something.
Starting point is 01:01:54 And then you, you're doing it. Yeah, but I'm doing it all wrong and probably mixed it incorrectly. Meghan McCain? Wow. I need that bitch to be fat. God, please make this ozempic-sized cancer. Hasn't she gone through enough? Of what?
Starting point is 01:02:08 Her father dying tragically while serving his country. Should have died. In that POW camp. Yeah. You know my uncle was in that camp with him? Yeah? Yeah. Did he say McCain was a whiner?
Starting point is 01:02:22 He called him worse than that. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. he fucking did not Have anything to say Do you want to do that weight loss contest That we talked about Yeah do I have to weigh in right now
Starting point is 01:02:34 You have to weigh in today yeah They put money They're putting money in a smart contract And then Here's the rules okay Here's V veto's weight loss contest okay six months all right how much weight do you think you can lose in six months i mean realistically i don't know well what's uh let's 50 pounds in six months 10 pounds a month
Starting point is 01:02:59 man it's a lot normally like weight loss is two pounds a week. So how many weeks is that? In six months? Yeah. Like, 25? Half a year, so 26. So it would be 50 pounds. 50 fucking pounds is fucking... All right, let's say 50. 50 pounds, okay.
Starting point is 01:03:20 Six months. I'm not going to lose 50 pounds. How are you... You just said that's a normal amount of... So what's the amount that you'll do it? Motivated and shit. What's the amount that you'll do it for? People will pay you money to do it.
Starting point is 01:03:33 Let's do a pound and a half a week. How's that? 26. 30 pounds? How much do you weigh now? No, 26 plus 13 would be 40. 40 pounds? 40 pounds?
Starting point is 01:03:45 Put 40. How much do you weigh now? I don't know Guess 300 Okay so you're gonna weigh 260 260 That's pretty big
Starting point is 01:03:55 Okay 250 250 Okay We'll measure you We'll weigh you after Okay And then we'll do a minus We'll figure it out
Starting point is 01:04:03 Okay So people will put money In the smart contract and then every month we'll weigh you and if you haven't lost if you aren't on the way to losing that that's a strike all right okay so the dividing you know the divider of that okay so if it's if you have to lose 50 pounds if you haven't lost eight pounds by one month that's a strike right right then you get three strikes you're out and i 50 pounds, if you haven't lost eight pounds by one month, that's a strike. Right?
Starting point is 01:04:25 Right. Then you get three strikes, you're out. And I don't make any money. You don't make any money at all reverts to everybody's wallet. Okay. All right? There's no downside. To you?
Starting point is 01:04:34 Well, the downside is like don't get the- Shame of failure and- Yeah, but my whole life is that. Okay. If you don't want money- I do want money. How much money is in the- Is there money in the thing already?
Starting point is 01:04:44 People can put in the thing already? No, we haven't made it yet. We'll make it though. The more money that's in it, the more motivated I'll be, I suppose. We'll see about that. If there's $10 in there, I'm just going to eat cookies. Okay. There's $20 in there.
Starting point is 01:04:59 Maybe I'll put one of those cookies back. Semi-glutide. Semi-glutide. You should probably keep taking it then, huh? Yeah, you should I'm taking it It's going great It's gonna go great I got all sorts of
Starting point is 01:05:11 As long as I can sheet with medicine Who knows? I'm still not on the maximum dose That'll kick it You're mixing it yourself still? Yeah I don't think that's right I don't think it's right either
Starting point is 01:05:23 I talked to a doctor He said I don't think that's right I paid like 300 bucks for it i'm not gonna throw it out you should talk to keffels first well i gotta grant this problem is very odd brand okay my problem dick is tardy drink refills you know when you're in the restaurant and all you want is another soda because it's the most important i don't want to eat if I don't have a beverage Look at this right here See this two beer Empty beers that I have here
Starting point is 01:05:49 Okay but like we all know This is the worst part of sitting in a restaurant Is going God I hope that waitress comes back soon So I can get more of whatever I'm drinking Maybe even water I don't care what you're drinking Anything
Starting point is 01:06:01 The point is your drink needs to be refilled Or you're on a date and you're just like, okay, I gotta or meeting somebody. I'm like, well, I gotta get a, if we could just get a, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I'm not, I'm not fucking freaking out. I just want to know where the drink is. I need it. I need the drink.
Starting point is 01:06:17 The drink is the most, yeah. The meal does not happen without the drink. Now Dick, I have a solution though. Okay. The first self-serving soda fountain machine was introduced in 1950 in U.S. chain store Walgreens. Okay. We have the technology. To do self-serving drinks?
Starting point is 01:06:36 Just put up a self-service beverage counter where at any point a customer, if they don't want to wait, can approach the machine and obtain their own drink. They have that at McDonald's, though. Why don't you just go there? I think McDonald's doesn't even have that anymore. No, they don't? You got to go up to the counter and be like, the one near here, you got to go up to the
Starting point is 01:06:56 counter and be like, can you fill my drink back up for me? Did people ruin that? Did we have something good and a certain demographic of people ruined it? Certain demographic. Stop it. I don demographic of people ruined it? Certain demographic. Stop it. I don't know who ruined it, Dick. Some places still haven't, but there are always abusers. Especially, I think, in L.A., a lot of kids just after school roll up with their moldy drink cup from several years ago.
Starting point is 01:07:22 Yeah. And get themselves all the beverage they want. What about 7-Eleven? You could eat there. They have a drink refill thing. Yeah, well that's what we, once we invented the self-serve beverage counter, there was no need for this. It's part of the waitress illusion.
Starting point is 01:07:36 The illusion that the waitress is working hard. Oh yeah. Yeah, where it's like, oh she must be working hard. She filled my drink every time. But when you think about it, you could have just done it. You've done that. You've filled your own drink at home.
Starting point is 01:07:50 Your whole life you've been filling your own drink. Thousands of times a day, and you've never complained about it. And you didn't give yourself an extra dollar for doing it either. I never thought about it like that. I have served my own self dinner at home a lot of times. Yeah. And I've never been like, oh, I can't believe I'm so fucking out of control over here. I mean, this goes back to another problem.
Starting point is 01:08:10 I forget what it was, but the waitresses always want to convince you they have the hardest job in the world. Yeah. And the only way to maintain that illusion is with these false setups. Yeah. These problems that could be solved instantly. Invented problems Yes
Starting point is 01:08:25 Asks like busy work We have We are ruining the American dining experience Just so that you might Feel inclined to supplement their wages Yeah In a perfect world I'd be filling my own glass
Starting point is 01:08:40 You know What if you just brought in like a barrel or something Full of soda Why don't you bring a pitcher To my table Then I can refill it Whatever I want No
Starting point is 01:08:47 Because they need This little excuse To check in What about the carafe The carafe is more your speed The carafe is great I would love a carafe Yeah
Starting point is 01:08:54 Like an IHOP I can't recall The number of times That my meal has been ruined Just sitting there And I'll time it at a certain point Yeah I'm like it's been eight minutes
Starting point is 01:09:08 She hasn't come back Right I can't eat this steak Cause it's gonna be dry Did this happen to you today? It happened to me recently Recently? Yeah
Starting point is 01:09:16 And I was like well I don't wanna eat it Cause then I'm gonna be Yeah And you're just sitting there You're waiting And thinking about the better world We could all live in And we don't live in that world
Starting point is 01:09:27 Because We live in a lie They need to get one of those You know how they get Stipends for retarded people Working at stuff Yeah Like the government pays them
Starting point is 01:09:37 Yeah just have a retarded guy Who just fills drinks All he does is drinks And you don't have to tip him That would be great He doesn't understand tips You got coke in the right hand Yeah Diet coke in the left hand that's all he knows like uh if you want sprite space champs on you yeah sprite go fuck yourself pedophile go eat somewhere else and he goes around
Starting point is 01:09:55 boom boom bam put up skates on him boom bam boom bam right right hey you, bam, superman on them Spenders, right? Honestly, all waiters and waitresses should just be Retarded people, they're about as effective As a, as long as you tell them where to go Alright, there's one guy Who goes, Mitchell, bring this plate To that table
Starting point is 01:10:18 I don't know about what you're saying now, you got a drool problem If you got a retarded waiter You put little plastic coverings on the Plates to make sure no drool problem. If you got a retarded waiter. You can put little plastic coverings on the plates to make sure no drool gets there. No, my idea has become all messed up. Is he going to have like the little pistol guns so he can like, you know, he's got fucking bags of syrup on his legs? Yes.
Starting point is 01:10:37 Yeah. All right. The soda tard. The carbonated. You're so tarded, buddy. He skates away. Put him on a trek. Like a sushi restaurant.
Starting point is 01:10:52 And he just goes around sitting on a little boat. And he'd be really good at it. Like you could hold your glass up and he would like. Do we hate retarded people because we're making these jokes? Like, is that the. No, we love retarded people and we want making these jokes? Like, is that the...
Starting point is 01:11:05 No, we love retarded people and we want more of them in our... You can't say anything about black guys. The second you say anything about black guys... Oh, do you hate black guys? We love retarded people. I apologize. We want them to have more jobs. Comparing black people to retarded people in that...
Starting point is 01:11:20 Tardy drink refills, Dick. That's my problem. Oh, I didn't know you had tardy in there already. Tardy drink refills. Maybe they my problem Oh I didn't know you had tardy in there already Tardy drink refills maybe they're not tardy enough Yeah okay Maybe I want them to be retardy Dick what were your problems Um Semiglutide, a Zympic, people who pretend not to get jokes
Starting point is 01:11:37 And snail in voting Ooh snail in And mine was the necessity of pride month The surprise necessity of pride month The surprise necessity Of pride month And tardy drink refills Okay Vote on all the problems At biggestproblem.show
Starting point is 01:11:51 And don't forget to go And sign up At patreon.com Slash biggest problem And back.by Slash biggest problem Where we will soon have Our new bonus episode
Starting point is 01:12:01 Dick Are we locked in On our bonus episode topic yeah we could do that biggest problem in spider-man the new spider-man movie has just hit the theaters i need some i need some time to think about that one though i got plenty of spider-man problems okay maybe i believe you all right wait i have two clips oh okay this one's from eric july okay saying that i think he's he's threatening me oh no this one's to pull up he's saying to pull up and then i have eggy's response to your rap to my rap diss here's uh someone says in the
Starting point is 01:12:39 chat you're spending a lot more time on this guy than he spent on you okay this guy's been talking shit for weeks did a whole stream on me right and i'm the one spending more time actually why is he so upset already we didn't do a whole stream on him we did part of a stream on him yeah i didn't do a whole a whole stream on him no you didn't do a whole stream 30 minutes of a stream i got my nails did. I did my nails did. I got my hair done. Ho stream. Why would I ever do a ho stream on anyone? Put a crop top on. Or what is it? A halter top.
Starting point is 01:13:13 Halter top, yeah. Put earrings on and go. I think you'd make a good ho, Mr. Masterson. All right, what did he say? What is this? All this all right well he's lying about me doing a host stream because i've never done that uh someone says in the chat you're spending a lot more time on this guy than he spent on you okay this guy's been talking shit for weeks did a whole stream on me right and i'm the one spending more time actually was nipping at the
Starting point is 01:13:41 ankles for fucking and and then he got a co-host that had been nipping at my ankles for the entire year and you got there to say i'm spending more time i don't do video like i'm the response agency that's the whole shit that i'll be talking about right there that's a problem what's his name unfortunately i'm not on stream yard so i can't fucking like highlight it but that's the whole shit i'm talking about where it's like people treat the responding agency like they're the problem. Like you initiate a conflict. You're spending a lot of time talking about it. God forbid.
Starting point is 01:14:09 I'm like, all right, what's up? Then you like, whoa, whoa. You're being dramatic there, guy. Like, come on, man. Stop being pussy. Have y'all ever been in a confrontation in your life? Like, serious. Or is it just like.
Starting point is 01:14:21 Wow, this is a long. Have we ever been. Have we ever been... Have you ever been in a confrontation? We were on global news getting our asses kicked for making fun of trans people at a... Not just to their face, but at the global gathering of trans people in the middle of Hollywood.
Starting point is 01:14:40 Yeah, that was a fun one. Have you guys ever been in a confrontation. We went to the trans parade in the middle of the gayest town in the world. Got people trying to kick our ass. And told them that, told them to go fuck themselves. And then we got our asses kicked. Yeah. How's that?
Starting point is 01:14:59 I just want to say, it's not that you're responding. You can respond. It's that like, again Again We streamed for 30 minutes Making fun of the comment And I don't even make fun of Reviewing Giving some notes Yeah
Starting point is 01:15:11 So the extent of your response Should probably be About 30 Probably less Maybe 15 minutes ago These guys If you want to call us Crack smokers
Starting point is 01:15:20 And potheads Or whatever Fine N-words And hoes Yeah fine But then at a certain point the response is more than what the initial inciting incident was well similar to the comic
Starting point is 01:15:34 it feels like it never ends because it never addresses the point how does he have time to write comics he streams like this for hours every day. I don't think he wrote it. I think he like handed some notes to another guy. Cause I literally, I'm like, how does this guy get anything done? Uh, Dami Pesos was going to read it. Good. I hope Marsh was going to read it too. I'm excited. I have big news. I got, this is not my girlfriend. Right. I got a fifth grade English teacher.
Starting point is 01:16:13 Is it the same one you used before? I remember you had contact with. No, this is a new person. New person. I asked a fifth grade writing teacher who has spent probably 30 or 40 years telling kids how to write The Hero's Journey. Yeah. And grading their papers. I asked them and they're a big comic fan. 30 or 40 years Telling kids How to write The hero's journey Yeah And grading their papers I asked them
Starting point is 01:16:28 And they're a big comic fan Okay Because some people Are saying I'm not A real comic fan Even though I've read Like The Tick And Dread and Screw
Starting point is 01:16:34 Like I love Everybody knows comics Anyway I asked a grade school English teacher To grade Eric's Comic
Starting point is 01:16:44 Yeah And I just got the results in Wait You already. Yeah. And I just got the results in. Wait, you already got the results? I just got the email. Okay. I'll read you the first sentence and then I'm gonna read the review on my show. Okay. The first sentence is I saw number one. I don't
Starting point is 01:16:58 even know where to start. This is a fifth grade fifth grade English teacher Who has been grading Children's stories For 40 years See and now Eric You can respond
Starting point is 01:17:14 You have something more To respond to Good luck Yeah Good fucking luck Responding to that I mean if he spent a week Going at a 30 minute review
Starting point is 01:17:23 I can only imagine How many weeks Of him spurging out. Probably an N. Yeah, we're going to get it. Jesus. I don't even know where to start. I'm excited to hear this. Would you ever like your book being critiqued by a?
Starting point is 01:17:41 By a fifth grade English teacher? I would hope they wouldn't say say I don't know where to start That's a really bad sign And again Part of the problem is that If Eric was just like a humble normal guy I wouldn't have asked a fifth grade English teacher To review it
Starting point is 01:17:57 If he just said hey guys I'm just trying my best We'd go oh okay that's fine But literally thinks that it's the greatest comic ever made Michael Jordan of comics. Some people have asked him, they've been like, okay, so you think Dick's critique is invalid because he's a hater and whatever else. Has anyone ever given you a critique you agreed with? What, me?
Starting point is 01:18:17 No, just him in general. Oh, yeah. No, the answer's no. He's like, no, there has not been a single legitimate critique. He's calling women like bald. Like, they're asking like really simple questions. He's like, you bald-headed bitch. I'm like, Jesus Christ. Yeah, I've had some other people be like, I didn He's calling women like bald. Like they're asking like really simple questions like you bald headed bitch. I'm like Jesus Christ. Yeah I've
Starting point is 01:18:28 had some other people be like I didn't realize this guy was so mean. I've had guys who are like fans of his and they're like I didn't realize he was so mean. I'm like yeah I just blocked him because anytime anything happens he goes well that fat piece of shit Vito and I'm like well if you're gonna call me fat every fucking time I don't want to talk to you. Okay.
Starting point is 01:18:43 I just blocked him Bald headed bitch I've never said anything About his appearance She just asked like If he retired She just said The story was about him retiring And coming out of retirement
Starting point is 01:18:53 And he's like You bald headed bitch Like Wait a minute That's That is what the story's about What are you What are you talking about
Starting point is 01:19:00 It's a very complicated situation Fifth grade Fifth grade Well I look forward to hearing it on the Dick Show. Ten-year-olds, dude. Available now on Rumble and Cozy. You know, maybe I'll let my nephew write Strong Wiener.
Starting point is 01:19:14 It'd probably be pretty good. All right, here. Then you like, what? You hit the responding agency like they're the problem. Like, you initiate a conflict. You talk all this noise. And then, God forbid, I'm like, all right, what's initiate a conflict you talk all this noise and then so god forbid i'm like all right what's up then you like whoa whoa yeah you're being dramatic there
Starting point is 01:19:30 guy like come on man stop being pussy have y'all ever been in a confrontation in your life like serious or is it just like ending shit on the internet have you ever been in any confrontation in your entire life okay or is it just you do bitch shit. You talk behind people's back and then start pissing yourself when they find out and address you. Like, come on, bro. Pissing ourselves? I'm the responding agency.
Starting point is 01:19:52 That's what gets me about this. Like, dude, I don't like y'all. I don't know y'all like that. I don't know y'all to like, not like y'all. Like, I don't like y'all like that because I don't know you.
Starting point is 01:20:03 Okay. Y'all talk about me. I'm just a responding agent. No, you're comic. I have no reason to acknowledge your crackhead ass existence if you just shut the fuck up. Once again, Eric, I do cocaine. I crack. I wouldn't even know where to get crack.
Starting point is 01:20:21 Yeah. Okay. I don't want crack. I probably couldn't even smoke it i probably would i don't know if i'd be able to bring it into my house it's so expensive but let's let's also be real if you raise 3.4 million dollars for comic and a bunch and everyone's saying this is the greatest indie comic of all time and it's going to change i haven't read it but it's amazing yeah you have to accept that people are going to go,
Starting point is 01:20:45 okay, well, I want to read it and see if what they're saying is correct. Like, that's going to happen. It doesn't make us like, like, yeah, I'm a hater, sure. I'm willing to say you're a hater. Yeah, me and Eric have had a thing. He's like put, like made videos on me and my friends.
Starting point is 01:21:01 The problem is that you were right. I mean, the real problem is that everything you said was right. And I was for the whole time i was saying like you're just fucking jealous like he's selling a marketing thing but now this happened i'm like he's a fucking asshole like he's a fucking dick that's what the problem was was i was like yes i hate eric i think eric's a fucking idiot i think the things he says is stupid and on top of that i don't think he can write a comic I don't think he knows how to write
Starting point is 01:21:28 I've poured through his campaign And all the preview material And then I finally got my hands on it And I read it and I said Okay, it's exactly what I thought it was This guy doesn't know how to write But yeah, you're right Everybody went, no, you just hate him
Starting point is 01:21:39 And it's like, no, I can hate him And he can also be a bad writer Those things can happen Yeah, you're just not as good at explaining why as I am And you don't even hate him and he can also be a bad writer. Those things can happen. Yeah, you're just not as good at explaining why as I am. And you don't even hate him. No. Yeah, you just actually read the comic. I supported his campaign.
Starting point is 01:21:53 Yeah. He's like, well, the comic sucks. I feel like the whole time I was reading it and all week I've been hearing in my head that line from Happy Gilmore. At the beginning when his bitch girlfriend goes, oh, you want to be a hockey player? There's just one problem, Happy. You're not any good. I just keep hearing that.
Starting point is 01:22:14 Yeah, there's just one problem. You're not any good. And that's kind of Eric's writing skill. It's like, it's fun to have a dream, and it's great that all your friends support your dream. It's good that you made money. But at the end of the day, you got to figure something out. Good.
Starting point is 01:22:27 All right, here we go. But don't go initiating problems and then crying foul. Don't do that shit. That's pussy. That's like hockey. That is fucking pussy. That's pussy-ass against you. And by the way, and I'm going to say this again, as I say it every year that we do this.
Starting point is 01:22:44 Okay. What do we do every year? The way that I'm talking about. Is he talking about Juneteenth? Yeah, is this a thing? Are we racist? Is that what I'm about to find out? What do we do every year?
Starting point is 01:22:52 All right. By certain crack smokers on the internet, you think I couldn't appear anywhere publicly without someone trying to come and get shit addressed. We got Dallas Fan Expo next week, or two weeks, right? We got the meetup. I better be feeling some energy when I'm pulling up there, okay? I better be feeling some energy. If not, we all know that y'all fronting for an audience on the internet. Because the fact that people ain't pulling up, I don't understand that. I'm giving y'all public, I'm giving y'all where I'm at, not hiding behind a fucking microphone and a camera like i'm giving you where i'm at let's hash it out let's talk
Starting point is 01:23:28 about let's be men let's come let's do confrontation wait what do what how do we do he wants us to go to a dallas comic convention and do you want me to is he doing this do you want me to tell you to your face that your comic sucks? I can do that. I don't know what benefit it provides to either of us. Antifa had bigger black guys than you, man. And they have bike locks and shit. And they have no money to sue. Like, I don't know what. What are you talking about?
Starting point is 01:23:56 If you want to meet at a public place and have me tell you to your face that I think you wrote a shitty comic. I'm totally down. I just don't. I don't think either of us benefits from that. Like, I think I can tell you that a shitty comic. I'm totally down. I just don't... I don't care. I don't think either of us benefits from that. Like, I think I can tell you that on the internet. I don't want to go to some gay comic convention. I do want to go to the gay comic convention, so buy me a ticket.
Starting point is 01:24:12 I mean, that wouldn't be offensive to you. Right. I would have fun. Because of the gay stuff, yeah. I like comics. I tell you, Eric, all right. If there's going to be a public event... Was that an invitation for you to go to his thing?
Starting point is 01:24:23 I guess. You should do that. Your comic would go over 100,000. If you go there and make nice with him, because you don't have to be mean anymore, because I'll be mean forever. Okay. So you could just go, like, make nice. I'll try to talk dick out of reviewing Eyes on No. 2.
Starting point is 01:24:37 I don't think I could make nice at this point. Sure you can. You did such a great job with Chrissy. All right. shut up. Frank, her fucking husband seems friendly with me now, so that's good. Yeah, Frank's fine. We like Frank. Is he inviting you to his Comic-Con?
Starting point is 01:24:56 He's saying that he's going to be there and that all these haters should show up and confront him publicly. I would ask him to put it in writing, but I think that would only make it more confusing. Yeah, I don't know what you want. But Eric, if you want to publicly say that I don't have the balls to tell you your comic sucks to your face, I accept that challenge.
Starting point is 01:25:16 Yeah, that's... I would have no problem going, Eric, you have made a bad comic book, and you do not know how to write. Because of the writing I don't know why you would want that I don't understand why I'm a pussy Because I didn't tell you it to your face I guess is what you're insinuating
Starting point is 01:25:31 Yeah, I don't know I just think you've gotten that message from me already The internet can transmit messages effectively I don't think you can hide in front of a camera I've never heard that before Yeah, I'm not going to hide in front of a camera I'm not a good h front of a camera I'm not a good hider to begin with all right let's hear the rest of this we need to pull up dick this was
Starting point is 01:25:49 only how long is this this is only four minutes four minutes three hour of five three hour streams yeah 15 hours of cope streams about your 30 minute review yeah my notes must have been really bad If they provoked They must have been way off target If I Oh my god But ain't none of that energy I'm going around it's all love And daps Dap everybody want a dap but I'm cool
Starting point is 01:26:17 I'm taking pictures of everything good What's a daps Everyone's sucking up to you cause you made 3.4 million dollars Eric like that's it All these comic guys I sucking up to you because you made $3.4 million, Eric. Like, that's it. All these comic guys. I've talked to some of these comic guys. Do you think he's ever even heard of the Emperor's New Clothes? Dude, there's some stuff.
Starting point is 01:26:34 No, seriously. Do you think he's ever heard of the concept, the story? Yeah. I don't know. I don't know either. That's what's happening. He's the Emperor. He's got Thomasomas soul in the background
Starting point is 01:26:46 who's one of the greatest writers uh you know of our of his generation i don't know here's one weird thing eric said is that he doesn't watch any modern movies television or read any modern comics and i go but you critique them constantly all the time how do you don't even know what's going on so like i know what's going on So I know he's not watching People are like, are you watching The Boys? Are you watching Invincible? Like actually good superhero stuff that's on TV?
Starting point is 01:27:13 Yeah, and he's like, no I'm not watching any of this mainstream woke trash And I'm like, well then you have That didn't start mainstream No, yeah, Invincible's based on a comic from like Boys wasn't fucking mainstream before too I I don't think showtime is mainstream. No And I'm like, how are you gonna write if you're not even aware of what modern audiences are consuming? You have to have your finger on the pulse of some of that
Starting point is 01:27:34 And that's a weird thing about isom is that the writing does kind of feel like weirdly like dated like it's not there's nothing I know you're talking about. I know you're talking about i know you're talking about yeah i did get that feeling too it's it's like a guy read comics in the 90s and then stopped and then that just went back to you know what was going on kind of in the 90s i guess i don't even know let's let's continue let's get the end boy i get i open my twitter you got motherfuckers calling me all kinds of shit shit i even know what it is sometimes i what it is. Sometimes I got to Google what the fuck this shit is. Like, what the fuck is that? Just pull up.
Starting point is 01:28:08 Let's talk. Pull up. Okay. Instead of hiding behind these fucking podcasts and fucking doing videos and shit. Doing videos and all that shit. That's what you do. And then not having a nut sack to just be like honest about who it is you are. You're a shit stirrer.
Starting point is 01:28:23 That's fine. That's perfectly fine with me. You're a shit stirrer that's fine that's perfectly fine with me you're a shit stirrer but let's be honest let's not try to take the angle where you being a shit stirrer is somehow good faith acting it's not you can't be both that's cool you're inflammatory you're i'm okay with that type of guy. That's not me. But if you're going to be purposefully inflammatory, talk noise, don't then cry and say, well, I'm just being the honest criticism. Like, no, it's not. It's shit stirring. And just be.
Starting point is 01:28:59 No, it's not. It's criticism. It's not honest criticism. It's just criticism. It's like basic story structure. You're saying what you believe, and I think it's pretty backed up. It's on the paper. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:29:11 You know, now it's for everyone to interact with. Eric, when you make a product that raises a shit ton of money, you raise more money than fucking Keanu Reeves' comic book, according to your numbers, which are- You made more money than the person who wrote star wars seven or whatever it was you made a very good point is that like the people who write these hollywood scripts that you're you know constantly railing against that's what you're criticizing when you make these reviews is the writing the special effects don't mean most writers are not getting paid three million dollars for a hollywood script no so you're in a position to be critiqued and criticized.
Starting point is 01:29:46 Especially when... And you did a worse job than that. There's an entire sector of the internet that has thrown themselves behind you as some sort of savior of comics. I saw a guy comment on one of your recent videos where it's like, Eric is going to save, single-handedly save Western comics. When people are saying shit like that, I think
Starting point is 01:30:01 it's pretty reasonable for critics to go, okay, well, let's see... Let's take a look at it. What would cause a man to believe this? Yeah. Why? I gotta get a look. I gotta take a look at this. It must really be the greatest comic that was ever written. And I don't think it is. Dick doesn't think it is.
Starting point is 01:30:17 Yeah. If you want us to pull up, what do you want to do? You want to have a public debate? It's not that interesting. I don't want to have a fucking forum about it like you wrote a shitty comic whatever drive-by shit like hey how come i saw him jumps off the wall and then rams the guy to the same wall and that guy jumping each other but they don't actually punch each other and they just land yeah we're not doing that Um Be more specific About exactly
Starting point is 01:30:47 What method You want us to pull up Like what do you want I don't get it Do you want me to Come over to your house And we like Hang out
Starting point is 01:30:55 What do you want Do you want me to Read you my notes Cause I I watched your Your thing Pull up to the studio Do you want to come in
Starting point is 01:31:03 And we can go over The notes together Oh sure Come on in and we can go over the notes together? Oh, sure. Come on in. Sure. There we go. Who it is that you are. So and so, criticize your comment just so you know that.
Starting point is 01:31:15 Oh, say my name, you fucking pussy. Everybody knows who I am. You big-leaguing fuck. It's not that hard to say. There's no FRs in it. I know you could do it. Come on, Eric. Say my fucking name.
Starting point is 01:31:30 Come on, bro. It's not hard. He's worried people will find your review. He doesn't want them to, he doesn't want them to see it. Ah, okay. Both defended terrible people and cuties as well. Okay. Don't surprise me that bad faith actors have weird takes uh you i still am not saying that to animate my tree again this year potentially i don't think
Starting point is 01:31:52 you haven't seen that movie either cuties i don't want to see it all right that's it that's it we're a bunch of weirdos it doesn't surprise me it doesn't surprise me they have a weird taste uh they defend cuties that doesn't surprise me at least we can me They have a weird taste They defend cuties That doesn't surprise me At least we can name Media we've seen I don't I've never heard this guy Talk about anything
Starting point is 01:32:10 He's watching or reading I don't think he is Yeah Okay If you're gonna make a I'm gonna make the argument That if you're making comic books For the modern audience
Starting point is 01:32:19 Yeah You need to watch That Invincible show On Amazon At the very least. Okay, here's Eggie. He saw your rap and he's responding to you. Yes, my famous.
Starting point is 01:32:29 Can we save this for next time? I think we should save it for next time. Let's save it for next time. We're running long. Yeah. The famous Eggie response. Well, guys, what a great show. Don't forget to vote on biggestproblem.show.
Starting point is 01:32:39 And all our haters, if you want to step up. Pull up. Pull up and tell us to our face. And get your penis out. Yeah. What? If you want to show whose nuts are big. You can find us at Eric July's booth.
Starting point is 01:32:56 Just say, check out my nuts, and we'll jump out of this. We're hiding. Wherever you see Eric July, we're hiding behind there. And say, check out D's nuts. Check it out. If you say the code word, there and say, check out D's Nuts. Check it out. If you say the code word, hey, Eric, check out D's Nuts, we'll come out and give you money. Okay. I look forward to seeing his booth.
Starting point is 01:33:14 I wonder how much money he's going to spend on that. Why is he not going to San Diego Comic-Con? Isn't that coming up? We'll pull up there. We'll pull up. Down by the LBC. Do a Comic-Con in LA. Maybe we'll come out Down by the LBC Do a Comic Con In LA Maybe we'll come out
Starting point is 01:33:27 I don't know Yeah I'll come out Yeah I'll come out Get a picture After I saw him too I'll review it Yeah With a Megathon
Starting point is 01:33:34 You wanted to stand outside Comic Con with signs And say I saw him kind of sucks I saw him has a Story structure That a 5th grade teacher grade teacher did not enjoy. The last episode just opened doors for me.
Starting point is 01:33:52 Like, a lot of times in conversations at work and shit, I will, like, this, that, and the third, and talking about the show. And then I got to explain, like, that's the show, Dick Masterson, and then who the fuck's that? And I go, well, I don't know, fucking 20 years ago, or whatever the fuck and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then,
Starting point is 01:34:05 and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then,
Starting point is 01:34:05 and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then,
Starting point is 01:34:05 and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then,
Starting point is 01:34:06 and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then,
Starting point is 01:34:06 and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then,
Starting point is 01:34:08 and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, credibility. I can say, ah, this fucking guy I know. Yeah. This, that, and the third. Don't say this, that, and the third. That would knock. Did you hear what he's saying? This, that, and the third?
Starting point is 01:34:35 He said that at the beginning, too. Did he? Is that a phrase? Well, he said it. I mean, I get what he's... Listen. Holy shit. That one caller on this last episode just opened doors for me.
Starting point is 01:34:50 Like, a lot of times in conversations at work and shit, I will like, this, that, and the third. See? This, that, and the third. He said this, that, and the third twice. That's interesting. That's peculiar. Maybe it's a regional dialect. Have you ever heard someone say this, that, and the third?
Starting point is 01:35:07 I wouldn't be able to recall it if they did Huh Name to Vinny Aha Anyway But he's saying that if you want shorthand Yeah You can now describe conversations had by me and Dick as
Starting point is 01:35:18 My friend Yeah Did this And it cuts through all the bullshit That's cool Why don't you say this podcaster I listen to? No, because that's... Yeah, all right.
Starting point is 01:35:28 You can call us your friends. Who cares? Go vote up the homeless. Man, people acting homeless is just such a huge problem. Like, even if they're not homeless, it's just someone acting homeless. Like, I'm at a restaurant with my girlfriend i love a big sign a little bit of a voice mr drunk psychopath decides it's time to start shouting about how much money everything costs okay and you know he's like a few Tables away from us
Starting point is 01:36:05 And he's just Shouting and shouting And everyone's just Kind of like You know Doing the Avoid eye contact thing Because they don't want to
Starting point is 01:36:13 Trigger the rage Of the insane drunk person Oh he's drunk And then Okay Okay Buddy You had a rough day
Starting point is 01:36:21 Don't fucking worry about it Anytime you start a voicemail And it's a minute 46 Just cut it just cut it. Just cut it. Guys, give us 30 seconds. Minute maximum. You don't need to sigh and set it up, okay?
Starting point is 01:36:30 Yeah. Like you're doing your monologue at Juilliard. There I was. The restaurant. Say the fucking problem right away and then go two weeks earlier. This is not the biggest problem monologue corner. It's not the moth From now on
Starting point is 01:36:46 Honestly If it's over a minute Just like Cut it Just cut it Cut it It's too long Alright
Starting point is 01:36:50 Here we go 30 seconds Perfect Baby It's me Ramsey Dangerfield You might remember me From when I got a sex change
Starting point is 01:36:57 My doctor Vinny Boom Butts When he was cutting off my penis Yeah He said to me You're gonna feel a small prick Ramsey And I you're going to feel a small prick, Ramsey. And I said, I've been feeling a small prick my whole life. I get no respect.
Starting point is 01:37:11 No respect at all. That's pretty good. The other day, I got denied entry into the transgender bathroom. That's it. All right. Don't feel my butt. Oh, come on. I was all excited for the punchline
Starting point is 01:37:25 Why did you call if you didn't have a fucking joke? Write the jokes now That was a good start Well, at least you tried I got denied entry and was changed into bathroom They said you're too creepy even for us Right? Yeah
Starting point is 01:37:41 Alright One more I'm a big retard Let's see what that Hey Jake Hey Vito Biggest problem in the universe Is me
Starting point is 01:37:50 Because I just realized How many of my voicemails You guys actually play I bought the bonus episodes And shit Oh Holy fuck I'm either the biggest retard
Starting point is 01:37:58 Or you guys like Bouncing off my Terrible retarded Content Fucking shit I'm giving you Could be both Anyway I love the show And I think it's really funny When I'm listening And I hear you guys like Bouncing off my Terrible retarded Fucking shit I'm giving you Could be both Anyway I love the show
Starting point is 01:38:06 And I think it's really funny When I'm listening And I hear you guys Just start shitting on my opinion It's actually Really fucking funny Yeah Anyway
Starting point is 01:38:14 Well Thanks for coming by man I hate all your stupid opinions If you've ever sent in a voicemail That wasn't played And you're not paying For the bonus episodes You may be missing out
Starting point is 01:38:24 On your brilliant appearance on Biggest Problem in the Universe. Yep. If you're not paying for the bonus episodes, you're already celebrating pride because you are gay.
Starting point is 01:38:36 Sure. Absolutely. And we will have our new biggest problem. Celebrate pride by not buying the bonus episode at patreon.com. Are we going to record today
Starting point is 01:38:46 or tomorrow? I don't know. Maybe tomorrow. What do you think? I'm kind of tired. I'm kind of tired too. All this Eric July threatening me. I know. I've been losing sleep. We're trying to figure out exactly how I'm going to pull up. Every black guy with a homeless beard. I'm like,
Starting point is 01:39:01 is that Eric July? Is that Eric July over there? Sir, sir, sir. Can you write a narrative real quickly? Yeah, like I got one across the street. Okay, okay. Never mind. You're not Eric July. You're just a black homeless guy. Alright. Here's the concept. We go down Skid Row,
Starting point is 01:39:18 find a guy who looks like Eric July, and pay him 20 bucks to give him us his best idea for a comic book. Pitch it to us on the spot and see how it sizes up. I feel like they might do pretty good down there. And what's his superpower? The power to eat food.
Starting point is 01:39:39 Amazing. He can afford things with money. Wow. That's cool. Oh God. Okay. All right, guys. Well, thanks so much for everybody come by a coup for five Thank you all my ho asses ends for not killing yourself
Starting point is 01:39:59 Over Eric July's weirdo fans and his boring poorly written and poorly drawn comic book. No, well drawn I hate the artists and do with it. I think the arts. Okay, it's uh, it's great. It has nothing to do with it I think the art's okay It's great It has nothing to do with it It's good Okay It's above average Let's put it For an indie comic book I have no idea
Starting point is 01:40:14 For an indie comic book I have no idea The art is very good I'm not looking at the art at all Yes And I'm kind of the same way I think the art is good He hired a good artist
Starting point is 01:40:21 And a great colorist Gabe El-Tayib Another guy who hates me Gun Ranger For a big $20 Wow good he hired a good artist and a great colorist gabe el taib another guy who hates me uh gun ranger for a big 20 wow these comic guys use in indie like it's a synonym for anti-woke they never bring up boom or valiant because they really just want to work on big budget marvel dcip their own comics are just as stale and generic only a money grab yeah they all just want to make their own wolverine Batman or Conan or something.
Starting point is 01:40:48 Well, but they want to work for one of the big labels. That's why they don't mention the smaller labels. Yeah. Right? Like, they're not like, we're going to help a small label. They're just like, fuck Marvel, me. Like, invest in me. Like, why don't you help the other little guys who've been Trying to challenge The big guys For a long time
Starting point is 01:41:05 Indie comics have always existed They think it's like A new thing Yeah Or they think like That the indie guys Who do exist Is like well they're just
Starting point is 01:41:11 Part of the problem We're the real ones We got a comic About a black guy Who walks around town Getting beat up It's like And aggressing people
Starting point is 01:41:19 Yeah and being Confronting security guards And not understanding Why people are upset with him. And running away from the cops. And getting thrown through the air into a lady for no reason. Hot bod kebab for 7,000 yen. 70 bucks?
Starting point is 01:41:38 What do I say? How do you say thank you in Japan? Arigato? Is it arigato? I think it's arigato. Is it I'm a queer mom? Domo arigato, yeah. Thank you. Uh-huh. For some reason I thought that was an apology. They have a million apologies
Starting point is 01:41:52 in Japan. Thank you for the Japanese money. I don't know how to apologize in any language. Okay. Not even English. No language. Well, you better learn because we're going to have to apologize to Mr. July when we meet him at the Dallas Comic Con for some reason. Because we're going to have to Apologize to Mr. July When we meet him at the Dallas Comic Con
Starting point is 01:42:06 For some reason I'm not going to fucking I'm not going to pull up In Dallas I don't know if he meant Us specifically That's like Mordor for you Yeah
Starting point is 01:42:14 There's way too many Black guys for me to go Hassling you Super black man in Dallas Alright Yeah If we're going to be Hassling anywhere
Starting point is 01:42:23 It's going to be in like Wisconsin or something Actually it's going to be Inling anywhere It's gonna be in like Wisconsin or something Actually it's gonna be In Juarez That's where me and my Lokes are gonna sit around Fucking tattooing Old English
Starting point is 01:42:32 On each other Maybe our fans Can roll up on him And ask him What his current thoughts Are on our Delightful podcast Goldilocks
Starting point is 01:42:41 For a big 9.99 I have genuinely Gotten the same feeling of listening to this show as I did when I first discovered another one with a certain Armenian. I can't wait every week for it. I will be buying Vito's comic after this. Guys, go to Indiegogo. Super killer. Right now at $42,000. Really? As Eric July's people have said That means it is worse than ISOM Because it raised less money And that is how quality works
Starting point is 01:43:10 Sadly it will not be of the quality of ISOM Man they're obsessed with money They're just obsessed with it Here's a weird thing you'll notice about Eric July He's constantly talking about his warehouse Where all the comics are stored And like packing orders and shipping orders and whatever else and i'm like oh these guys just have like a weird fetish for like
Starting point is 01:43:30 commercialism and commerce oh that's interesting just like a guy selling stuff is more important to them than art yeah because you don't want to outsource your fulfillment he doesn't he he set up all warehouse your time is worth more than that. Well, it should be, but I don't know how he has any time to do anything. But, yeah, they're really obsessed with his warehouse and how, you know, packing things and shit. Chile and Chile for five. It's like a deadliest catch, but shittiest comic. Honestly, if they made a shipping comics thing, I think all these kids would watch it as a reality show.
Starting point is 01:44:06 Chile and Chile for five. Oh boy, another wild week for the boys. Vito should make a diss track against Ice Summer, Eric July. Oh wait, wait, I had this thing. Hold on. Oh God, what? Hold on. Let me get, because he keeps calling me Buster Baxter.
Starting point is 01:44:20 Oh, Buster. Is this funny? Why is he calling you Buster? I don't know He said I have a big head Well, that's true Does Buster have a large head? Buster
Starting point is 01:44:33 Yeah, you tell me Why? You tell me Look at his head, Vito Yeah, yeah This is a fucking This is a five million dollar head, Vito Buster, were you critiquing
Starting point is 01:44:43 This nice black man's comic book? I was pulling up. You were pulling up? I was pulling up. I could do his wife 600 times. I'm a rabbit, bitch. Let me look for rap beats. Rap beats. Free rap beats. Hold on. Just click that first one
Starting point is 01:45:00 right there. Is that royalty free, though? I don't know. It doesn't matter. Wait. No, it's not a rap beat. It will be. Uh, can you rap to that? I have to rap to it? No, I wrote rap lyrics. I got chat GPT to write me rap lyrics. Hold on.
Starting point is 01:45:16 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like that, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yo, listen up, I got a story to tell about a dude named Buster Baxter. Ringing the bell. He's a comic book critic straight up with no filler.
Starting point is 01:45:30 Reviewing bad comics, making authors shiver. Buster steps in with his eyes on the page. Unleashing his rhymes with a lyrical rage. He dives deep into the panels. No holds barred. Analyzing the flaws. Catch him off guard. Buster Baxter, The king of the critiques
Starting point is 01:45:48 Reviewing bad comics Bringing the heat He triggers the author With his words so slick Unleashing the truth Making him feel sick Yeah He flips through the pages
Starting point is 01:45:57 Ready to dissect The stories that miss The art that's erect Buster's got the power To shake up the scene He's a comic book guru Keeping it clean With his wit so sharp, he exposes the flaws
Starting point is 01:46:06 No mercy for the artists who break the laws It ain't about hate, it's about making them grow Constructive criticisms, helping them to show Yeah, yeah, yeah Is that funny? Should I read more of this thing? I don't know if you're on beat I don't know how to do it
Starting point is 01:46:21 I need like a deeper beat I need one that doesn't have a Nike Hold on. Hold on. Rap beat. Free style. I think you need to find the beat. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:46:31 Yeah. Okay. Wait, wait, wait. This one has money burning. It's the same guy. Listen to it. Oh, yeah. I'm the Buster Baxter.
Starting point is 01:46:45 The king. That's too slow. You're the Buster Baxter. The king of... That's too slow. You're better at this than me. Here, let me hear you do it. Yo, listen up. I got a story to tell about a dude named Buster Baxter ringing the bell.
Starting point is 01:46:56 He's a comic book critic straight up with no filter. Reviewing bad comics make an author shiver. Buster steps in with his eyes on the page unleashing his rhymes like a lyrical rage.
Starting point is 01:47:04 He dives deep in the panels no holds barred analyzing the flaws catching them off guard. Buster steps in with his eyes on the page, unleashing his rhymes like a lyrical rage. He dives deep in the panels, no holds barred, analyzing the flaws, catching them off guard. Buster Baxter, the king of critiques. Reviewing bad comics, bringing the heat. He triggers the authors with his words so slick, unleashing the truth, making them feel sick. He flips
Starting point is 01:47:19 through the pages, ready to dissect the stories that missed. The author's a wreck. Buster's got the power to shake up the scene. He's a comic book guru, keeping it clean. With his sharp wit, he exposes the flaws. Oh! What? Yeah! Yeah! Biggest! Biggest! Biggest! Biggest!
Starting point is 01:47:36 Biggest! Biggest! Biggest! Biggest! Biggest! Biggest! He triggers the authors with his words so slick, unleashing the truth, making them feel sick. The authors still threaten their egos in flame, but Buster ain't bragging that he's not playing games. He's calling out mediocrity and lifting the bar, pushing the boundaries, raising the bar. They might get triggered, but it's part of the grind. Buster's got speak up, he ain't leaving behind.
Starting point is 01:47:57 His passion for comics is burning his soul, giving bad books a shake, making them rock and roll. Buster Baxter, the gang of crit. Reviewing bad comics, breaking the heat. He are tricking the others, making him slick. Unleashing the truth, making him feel sick. Dick literally broke a sweat. Rhyming. Your sweat is pouring. Wow.
Starting point is 01:48:21 Hitting him hard. Man, you're good at that. Chad GPT is good at that, I gotta say. Oh yeah, I said Chad GPT write a rap about, from Buster Baxter, from Arthur. You don't even have to write rap anymore. This is just literally good.
Starting point is 01:48:36 This is like Buster Baxter, the king of critiques, reviewing bad comics, bringing the heat. Yeah, it's funny. Triggering authors with words so slick,leashing the truth Making them feel sick That's hot Alright
Starting point is 01:48:49 Fuck rap's fucked We're all fucked It's all AI now Yeah but you had You had to make it Like sound good I didn't know How it was supposed to sound
Starting point is 01:48:56 Well you just gotta Find the rhythm You gotta go Yeah but no But now they can even AI generate the fucking voice I just never rapped before You're gonna learn
Starting point is 01:49:04 No We're gonna make you A seasoned rappsman Then I'll be smoking crack In no time Yeah, but now they can even AI generate the fucking voice. I just never rapped before. You're going to learn. No. We're going to make you a seasoned rappsman. Then I'll be smoking crack in no time. I'm going back to Africa. I want to know if they're- The song Africa, not the country Africa. You're going to go to Norfrica. It's the rains down.
Starting point is 01:49:22 Yeah, that I can do. Lemon Trashy for two If you're so smart Why ain't you pull up? Good point Good question Hot Bod Kebab for two Japanese dollars Says I wanted to call to prayer
Starting point is 01:49:33 But I forgot the message Well he did donate You messed up You gotta do it again Yeah you gotta do it again Doesn't count if you forget the message You're grandfathered into the next one Vito's hats are always fire.
Starting point is 01:49:46 What's your shirt? I don't even know. This is from Into the AM. Use promo code VITOYT to save 10% off your Into the AM order. What? Into the AM? Into the AM is a t-shirt apparel retailer. Josh Denny loves their shirts.
Starting point is 01:50:02 Into... Oh, is it for Husky Gentleman? No, it's for everybody. IntoTheAM.com? Yeah, they're the ones I tried to get to sponsor our show and they said $25 an episode. I was like, well, that's not... Well, so now we did it for free. Fucking great. Could have been... We could have got $25. I get $300
Starting point is 01:50:17 every time I... Well, when I do a video. I didn't get anything for that. Britsman for two. Thanks for not Q-tipping yourself. You're welcome welcome Petty for ten Has a flying bird man Cool, thanks Fantastic Lolno for five
Starting point is 01:50:30 Vito, I've been playing Flesh and Blood a lot The last few weeks With my buddy Slant Your Slant buddy Jesus Phil Ayaschos Is he an Asian gentleman?
Starting point is 01:50:39 With my buddy Slant buddy? I think he meant Yeah, I don't know Buddy slash buddy? Buddy slash buddy You guys should try it. I've seen Flesh and Blood, and I'm sure it's fun. I mean, I just don't have time for another card game.
Starting point is 01:50:52 Pop quiz for $9.99 puts a yellow duck. Like a demon. Yeah. Looks satanic. Solid BM for 10 says, drunk goat here. I was surprised Eric talked to me. He should not have even cared about my opinion, but decided to call me a pussy.
Starting point is 01:51:07 Lol. I think Vito will win this comics war. Well, it's funny that I was like, people are like, you're just trying to sell your comic by fighting with Eric July. And I'm like, well,
Starting point is 01:51:15 not at first, but he's kind of making it too easy now that all these like fans are going, your comic looks like shit. Fuck you. And I'm like, well, now I want to prove you wrong. It's kind of becoming a thing. I know he'll say, Oh, I'm not starting a you. And I'm like, well, now I want to prove you wrong. It's kind of becoming a thing.
Starting point is 01:51:26 I know he'll say, oh, I'm not starting a war. And it's like, yeah, but all your fucking stupid fans are, man. Yeah, I've read the draft. I don't want to, like, poison people one way or the other. I've read your draft. It's better than his product. Yeah. You had some critiques that we're going to hammer out.
Starting point is 01:51:42 That's all I do. I have critiques. That's what I do. They're not all right, but that's what they are. Dick's notes were very solid. JJ for five. Reminder that 75% of people who like ISM haven't read a single page. I saw a guy respond to him saying, I can't wait for your next campaign because I don't
Starting point is 01:51:59 want to open any of the three copies I bought from you that are signed. Good. Done. And I'm like, so you're buying the next comic and you didn't even read the first all right man why don't you crack one of them open and just read it and make sure you like it yeah just make nfts just make nfts at least then the scam is clean and efficient and it's over. Oh, God. Anyway, LPDirtyT for $4.99. Thank you for building the brick house.
Starting point is 01:52:31 You now live in Eric's head rent-free. Also, thanks for not killing yourselves. Thank you. Danny Fist for $5 Australian dollars. Your hair looks nice, Dick. You should give some to Vito. I could use it. Thanks.
Starting point is 01:52:41 Derek Juneteenth for $5 Australian dollars. Your criticism of Isom is wrong because you look like a cartoon rabbit from a cartoon where the aardvark does not look like an aardvark. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Busta. Busta. Busta Rhymes.
Starting point is 01:52:52 Busta Rhymes. Busta Rhymes. I'll pull up your nuts, bitch. Wait, he's like this. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I gotta be real. Yo, where's Jasmine?
Starting point is 01:53:04 She's on my fucking jock, bitch. Yeah, I'm knocking her up, yeah, yeah. I mean, I got to be real. Yo, where's Jasmine? She's on my fucking jock, bitch. Yeah, I'm knocking her up, bitch. Yeah. It's a clever reference. I just really can't connect you to Buster Baxter of all things. He's the guy that says, wait, he's the guy that says, who would do that? Go on the internet and tell lies. I think that's why.
Starting point is 01:53:20 Did Buster do that in an episode of Eartha? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was the one lying. I think he's on that meme. Right. He's on that meme. Who would do that In an episode of Arthur Yeah yeah yeah He was the one lying I think He's on that meme Right He's on that meme Who would do that
Starting point is 01:53:28 Go on the internet Would someone do that Go on the internet And tell lies I know what you're Talking about Yeah But Buster wasn't
Starting point is 01:53:33 The one telling lies He was the one Criticizing the act Of telling lies I don't know I don't watch Arthur Well I'm thinking If he should
Starting point is 01:53:39 I watch Babar I was a coy No I didn't watch coy Goldilocks for $4.99 Tim's music is just bad punk But at least close to listenable Eric couldn't even make one page That was coherent besides maybe the title
Starting point is 01:53:52 That's true But Tim's music is torture It's all torture I saw him as funny I saw him as so bad it's funny Tim Pool's music is not funny Wouldn't it be like interesting if the parallel economy had, like, something really good? And you're like, wow, maybe this will work.
Starting point is 01:54:09 Yeah, like a new bank. Yeah. Not just a bunch of shitheads that can't do stuff. Not just YouTuber vanity projects. That's all they have. It's bizarre. Mega Man for five. Dan Boingo has a podcast on Rumble, though.
Starting point is 01:54:23 Peter Thiel's scam to make $500 million. And do a Ron DeSantis fucking super pack by paying off a bunch of influencers to not shit on him. It's the parallel economy, Dick. What are you going to do? Megaman for five. Eric, so unbothered by your criticism that he's been replying TBF to random people all week on Twitter. The N-word, the N-word, the N-word the n-word the n-word thank you mega man autonomous prime for five had a chat with eric where i pointed out you asked nina the same question if she read the book kind of stopped
Starting point is 01:54:54 being pissy at me after that she read it she said it sucked well not i mean she said it in the nicest way that it sucks yeah if if a woman Ever reviewed anything I did like that I would Cut my dick off Well you know Here's my review Wow I really appreciate
Starting point is 01:55:11 All the effort You put in Stop right there Alright Where do we start Dick Solid BM for five I hope Super Killer
Starting point is 01:55:19 Is better than I saw him I don't care if it's bad But I hope it's not worse I bought both A and B covers I think I can already tell you it's not worse. I think it's better. It's even the draft I read. By my standards, I
Starting point is 01:55:29 like it better. It has what I think is a pretty concise little arc. It doesn't tell you like, and maybe next episode you'll find out who he is. It's like, no. It's like, you're going to get it. Jake Lover, $4.06. For $10, Vito, I know you got a lot of heat for crying. Never happened.
Starting point is 01:55:45 But don't feel bad. I cried re-watching Cowboy Bebop. Of course, I did it alone in my room where thousands of people couldn't see me. No, I teared up at some Cowboy Bebop. That show, probably the last episode is pretty intense. When his wife gets shot? No, that's the second to last episode. I think. Maybe it is the last episode. that's the second to last episode I think
Starting point is 01:56:05 Maybe it is the last episode When's the last episode? Last episode is where he goes back to where it all began Making stir fry That one When he has that conversation with Faye in the hallway And she's like don't go That was some good storytelling
Starting point is 01:56:24 Don't shit on the final episode Of Cowboy Bebop You motherfucker It's so weird Watching art from a culture Where the women don't Like talk constantly Yeah
Starting point is 01:56:33 It's interesting Yeah it's amazing It's fantastic And then they made An American version Where the woman Just won't shit Look at how fat I am
Starting point is 01:56:42 Autonomous Prime for five Eric wants to monetize his haters But instead of doing that with Dick He keeps him nameless And keeps pissing his pants ranting Yeah I don't think he's making a lot of money Off this monetizing us I don't know why he wouldn't say my name
Starting point is 01:56:56 He's really deathly afraid of promoting anyone inadvertently Like that's us getting one over on him If he mentions our name or our podcast yeah but eric july's fans are fucking retarded yeah like they're they all have weird levels of autism dude all their profile pictures are them holding the comic those people like is that all you care about please don't mention me i mean i don't want to mention but they're fucking weird if you come into my my twitter mentions and your your avatar is literally you holding the isom comic to your chest like a baby it's like okay we don't need to have a conversation i already know
Starting point is 01:57:38 that you have formed a disturbing parashosal bond with this guy Who we did discover has a $99 A month super mac Club where you can get Access to exclusive Eric July wallpapers And AMA sessions and whatever the fuck else He's not even like muscular Like if you're gonna mac You gotta be more muscular than that I think I bet I could
Starting point is 01:58:00 Live more than Eric July I bet I could bench more than him I think that's possible How tall is he? I don't know I bet I could live more than Eric July. I bet I could bench more than him. I think that's possible. How tall is he? I don't know. I mean, he's the Michael Jackson of comics. Does he have the same height?
Starting point is 01:58:14 Ask Eric how much he can bench. I bet I could bench more than him. That's interesting. Someone ask him that in his next chat and don't tell him it comes from us because he'll call us haters and crack smokers. How much do you bench, Eric? You're so powerful. Phrase it exactly like that. John Refs for five says,
Starting point is 01:58:28 I'm glad you guys liked my ISOM review. I did like it. Yeah, it was great. I'm now maiming ISOM number one with GIMP into a decent story, having a lot of fun. I think I have brain damage. Yeah, you do. Both of your reviews were hilarious.
Starting point is 01:58:40 I'll post them again. I think you could salvage that book by cutting out like 90% of it and changing all the dialogue. Derek Juneteenth for Five Australian. A critique of media is not valid unless you consumed it. Unless it's cuties for some reason. Also reading ISOM doesn't mean your critique is valid. Good point. Good point.
Starting point is 01:58:58 Cuties is the devil. As we pointed out to everybody, they're going, well, Dick said it sucked before he read it. And I go go have you been on eric july's channel all he does is take marvel comics and movies and tv shows that he has not that he admits he has not watched read or consumed and goes look at this leftist bullshit fucking woke garbage we got here that's a good impression I want to roll up on the thing about when these haters come at you. And they come at me saying I need to be, I got to roll up on you. That is a pretty good Eric July.
Starting point is 01:59:34 A little note for five. So vote it up with all your might and sleep well knowingly you did what's right. For if you don't, I'll kill your family tonight. Wickedron for Canadian $11. Vito, thanks for not killing yourself. Screw Eric Jelan, his super fragile ego. Guess he's now realizing not everyone will gobble his rod. I'm also buying your comic.
Starting point is 01:59:54 Let's go. I think he, yeah, I don't know how self-aware he is. I think he really thinks that, like, everyone's on his side. He thinks he's a good writer. Yeah. And he thinks he's a good writer. Yeah. And he thinks it's easy. Well, maybe he just thinks he's like God's gift to writing.
Starting point is 02:00:12 Like he's a natural writer. Um, I think all these, all these guys have also convinced themselves that the only thing wrong with entertainment is that it's woke. So as long as there's nothing woke in the story, it's automatically good. And it's like, no, there's way more to it than that story. Yeah. Yeah, as long as there's nothing woke in the story. It's automatically good And it's like no there's way more to it than that story. Yeah, I was on deaf noodles Podcast okay, and he brought this fight up. Yeah, I was like explaining like well
Starting point is 02:00:37 Yeah, you know I mean, you know Hollywood No It's like you know what it's like to get a script noted like yeah format that it's in and exactly what it goes through and Like the character motivations and the questions for it uh and then i was i was wondering when i was saying it um did these guys did they think star wars is bad because it's bad as a story or because it like has a woman in it or a black guy like why do they think star wars is bad i know why it's bad because the story sucks well that's because's... Because it's missing, like, motivation, character arc,
Starting point is 02:01:06 challenges, like, it's missing all the same stuff I said is missing from Iso. That's been my entire thing is that they go, yeah, you hate all that
Starting point is 02:01:15 feminist bullshit in Star Wars 2, right? And I go, no, I hate that the story sucks. Like, that's the problem. They go, yeah, but if we just took
Starting point is 02:01:24 all the women out of it, I'm like, no, that's... I would like that, but that's not gonna Yeah but if we just took all the women out of it I'm like no that's I would like that but that's not going to make it good No yeah and that's what it's become Is that there's like a certain group of people There's this one guy who critiqued The new uh the James Bond movie Where he dies or whatever at the end
Starting point is 02:01:39 Horrible movie But his critique is You tell how the story doesn't work Or whatever else Why you can't put James Bond With a child Because then all of a sudden The bad guys are no longer
Starting point is 02:01:50 Doing their worst Like they're like Nerfing everything And James Bond is like Now afraid And you don't want James Bond to be afraid Right
Starting point is 02:01:58 He can't jump off a building Like with his fingers crossed With his fucking daughter Sitting there See It's not James Bond anymore That's a good critique There's this guy named
Starting point is 02:02:07 God what's his name Doomcock And his review literally reads like a KKK rally speech Where he goes This is Hollywood trying to cuck old white men Taking white heroes And having them emasculated
Starting point is 02:02:20 And destroyed And I'm like No that's not what it is man That's not why. That's not the problem. Hollywood just hates white men. And I'm like, well, some of them do, and that is a problem. But that's not the specific problem here.
Starting point is 02:02:34 Anyway, the saucy slurp. Yeah. For five, when will you get Cardiff Electric on this dick show? Do we need more potato? Tell them to call into my show this Sunday. We'll have Cardiff on. Janie cat for 11 Canadian hello strong bad and strong
Starting point is 02:02:48 Said I want to decide if I should vote Up or down for boycott of the week Can we get a refresher on bud stock But stock is down they've maintained The boycott maybe I mean who knows it's all it could also Just come back up well you know what drives me Nuts about the bud light thing is
Starting point is 02:03:03 All of their numbers come from, like, this one liquor marketing company. No, all of their, like, sales figures come from one company. It's like they're down 80%, like, from butt-foe middle stocks, like, marketing. Let me look it up. Hold on. They always quote it. I mean, does anyone care anymore, though? Like, it's always quote it I mean Does anyone care anymore though? Like it's
Starting point is 02:03:26 It's always It's not Bud Light saying Holy shit We didn't sell It's one marketing company saying Our analytics Tells us this I'm
Starting point is 02:03:35 Yeah of course it does I'm willing to say That maybe the conservatives Uh Finally achieved A successful boycott Well Kid Rock did Yeah maybe
Starting point is 02:03:43 Yeah Maybe Yeah we'll see The thing is You can't celebrate After two days Yeah Now you can kind of achieved a successful boycott. Well, Kid Rock did. Yeah, maybe. Yeah. Maybe. Yeah, we'll see. The thing is, you can't celebrate after two days. Now you can kind of, honestly,
Starting point is 02:03:50 if you want to go out now and say we did it, I'm totally okay with it. All right? So what did you win then? What do you get out of it is the other question. There's no more trans people
Starting point is 02:04:01 on the beer. You're drinking Coors now? Well, I'm sure you saw that Modelo is now the number two beer which is also owned by anheuser-busch Outside of America it is but no inside of but who fucking cares I also wonder if people are really gonna keep this up or if after a while they're gonna go, you know I just kind of like Bud Light and it's over. So who cares? We'll see Anthony Alicia for five. Chrissy doesn't need to be cancelled For being racist
Starting point is 02:04:25 She needs to be cancelled For being a horrible comedian Oh that's How could you say that About the great Chrissy Mayer Horrible Sorry but she is really bad No we love her
Starting point is 02:04:34 P90X plus DVD I don't know what my relationship With Chrissy Mayer is anymore I think it's a respectful disrespect You know No you're just You have an issue with people I don't like her Satan stuff She's one of these people Talking about Satan full disrespect, you know? No. You're just, you have an issue with people.
Starting point is 02:04:47 I don't like her Satan stuff. She's one of these people talking about Satan. Stop it. Yeah, but it's a woman. It doesn't excuse it. Any one of these broads who goes out and is actually worried about the existence of the dark lord Satan. Uh-huh. Okay, I can be
Starting point is 02:05:05 friendly. Is she really on about Satan? Yes! She said it in the studio. I asked, do you genuinely believe? And she's like, yeah, I'm Catholic, and I genuinely believe. Catholics don't believe in Satan. Well, they shouldn't! They shouldn't. Okay, but I can be friendly. She's a comedian.
Starting point is 02:05:21 She's Italian, though, isn't she? Some Italians take the Catholicism seriously. Some parts of my family take that whole religious shit seriously. All right, maybe I was wrong. I don't know. So when I see that, I have to go, okay, you drive me nuts. That shit drives me nuts. Yeah.
Starting point is 02:05:37 But I don't wish harm on her. She can have a fuck. She has fun with everybody else, so that's great. Just don't talk about Satan. Yeah. Or don't talk about Satan Yeah Or don't do anything Satan-y Well
Starting point is 02:05:47 Everything that's Satan-y to them Is like being gay Or Celebrating it For any reason So P90X plus DVD rip Hindi subs
Starting point is 02:05:56 For five People pretending not to get things in general Is the biggest problem I know Vito will eject But it wouldn't hurt to stream On that other platform It's hard to set up Multiple streams Maybe we could You want to multi-stream the show? Yeah it's not hard I stream On that other platform it's hard to set Up multiple streams maybe we could you want to
Starting point is 02:06:06 Multi-stream the show yeah it's not Hard I could do that all right if people really want it from To be nice try Yeah he made his Name the phrase Five dollars what do you guys think of major sports Leagues changing their twitter pics for pride Month then changing them back one day later
Starting point is 02:06:22 Due to backlash I gotta look into that I I don't know. It's funny. It is funny if that's actually what's happening. MLB did that, I think. They might actually tank Pride Month. Like, it's actually, they're kind of getting what they want. It's like, we want to destroy the gays and make it unprofitable to associate with them.
Starting point is 02:06:40 I mean, I don't know if the gays Really benefited from like MLB having a rainbow flag Yeah I don't know It has all Always been marketing For white women And now it's like Uh oh Well maybe it just is
Starting point is 02:06:54 That unpopular But it is exposing The hypocrisy of pride month Where all these corporations Are like We love gay people Oh you guys don't like Gay people anymore
Starting point is 02:07:02 We never liked gay people We fucking hate them too And it's like Alright well at least now We've seen through the facade I just don't care Like guys don't like gay people anymore we never liked gay people we fucking hate them too and it's like all right well at least now we've seen through the facade i just don't care like i don't care what they they should um they should just change their logo to white and blue you know for what i don't know just cool colors they should make it yellow and blue what's for what for our boys in ukraine fighting every day. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. My flag that got ripped down.
Starting point is 02:07:27 But oh, gods, for two. Somebody saw the upside down news. Just make it green for money. Yeah, donuts. All right, that's better. $2. Who took criticism better, Eric July or Maddox? They're identical.
Starting point is 02:07:39 They're really identical. I wrote a full, like an issue of Black Maddox, the man who was never wrong, as a comic. I don't know if I'll work on it more or make the art for it, but I did write it. You've got to see if AI can make some comic panels for you. Yeah, I'll try. Maybe I'll get a Fiverr to do it.
Starting point is 02:08:00 Lemon Trashy for five European dollars. If the audience is interested in watching Eric July's Meltdown, search for Clip Sama. I spent so much time editing out him angrily squinting at the chat. I'll play more on my show. Fantastic. David March for 550 Canadian. Good David March.
Starting point is 02:08:17 My poker buddy. Vito, have you heard of Chris Gore's Critics Court? He's trying Disney for killing Star Wars. Surprise, you're not one of the plaintiffs. I have seen screenshots of that. I have not watched it. Michael Winning for $4.99 at USD. What happened to people on the
Starting point is 02:08:31 internet? Everyone's so serious now. Simple jokes break people. Dick with Eric July. Chrissy, trolling is an art. I agree. Mint Salad for $20 says, I drew some Pride Month fan art for Ice Home and posted it on my Twitter. Really? That's going to piss them off. Wait, no, no for 20 says, I drew some Pride Month fan art for Isom and posted it on my Twitter. Really? That's going to piss him off.
Starting point is 02:08:46 Wait, no, no. She says, hold on, hold on, hold on. Read the next part. It's not safe to show on YouTube. Well, okay, okay. It's very prideful. What's Mint's Twitter? It was Titsmintsalad.
Starting point is 02:08:55 I don't know if she had to. No, now it's Autistic Boobs. Sorry. I think she got banned. Yeah. Show Isom. Let's see. Everyone should draw some Isom Pride Month fan art
Starting point is 02:09:07 Here, everybody go to my Twitter It's there Tudor.com slash Dick Masterson That's some pride Wow Oh no Why do I get the feeling Dick Masterson. That's some pride. Wow. Oh, no. Why do I get the feeling I'm going to get in trouble for this? Oh, shit.
Starting point is 02:09:32 I got to do like a, let me quote. What should I say to that? I don't know what you say. Happy Pride Month. Happy Pride Month, Isom. Happy Pride Month. Let's just say that Eric DeJuly has Eric D. July, has assumed the heroic pose of being on his knees.
Starting point is 02:09:49 Happy Pride Month. Always be on your knees for the Lord or something like that. Happy Pride Month, Eric July. Happy Pride Month is enough. He got it. He nailed it. Isom is on his knees satisfying a certain portly bearded gentleman With a bunch of Q-tips
Starting point is 02:10:09 Scattered around on the ground To really You look at how angry he looks Yeah Isom's not happy about what's happening So what I'm the jerk Cause I tweeted that I guess so I'm just trying to boost a young artist
Starting point is 02:10:22 You should step up man You gotta step up and go to Dallas. What a nightmare. I hope I don't lose any friends. Or money-making opportunities. The fucking popularity contest that the internet has become. You got to support everybody. Well, not if they suck.
Starting point is 02:10:43 I don't want to lose access to anyone's audience If it sucks Shouldn't we value people who can like Just say something sucks when it sucks No No they all just want everyone to suck everybody off And thankfully we now have art to represent that scenario Claptrap the Destroyer for five
Starting point is 02:11:00 I suck other men should be the new June mascot I agree Chief Slinginging beef for five Vito are you cool with school choice And using the allotted tax dollars used for schools That parents choose I.e. a tax voucher for high school or private school You mean like the amount of money
Starting point is 02:11:16 They would have spent on your child Giving it to you to educate your child otherwise Yeah Wouldn't parents just take that money and buy a car? Like I don't think they're gonna So you're not You don't want to give them the money You have to give them a voucher specifically
Starting point is 02:11:31 For a school You're fine with that? I think private schools are fine Yeah I can't stop you It's America Educate your kid however you want You can stop them You just
Starting point is 02:11:41 Educate He's asking you what you're allowing. Do you want to give people a voucher and they can go to another school and use it? Is that okay? And you give them the money? I'd have to think about it. You'd have to think about that? They have to go to
Starting point is 02:11:58 a charter school. Here's your voucher and you have to go to a registered entity that has registered with the government. The state has made sure that the education standards are up to code. Up to public school standards. voucher and you have to go to a registered entity that has registered with the state and the state has made sure that the education standards are up to code up to public school standards yeah fine yeah as long as there's some amount of like oversight and they're not going to like scientology mystery college well why is that why is that bad sure send them to scientology mystery college i don't care jj for two I think snails can't be trusted
Starting point is 02:12:25 Alright, none of it with snail and voting We're not talking about that No one's super chat about snail voting I can't even say that I know you can't It's fucking dumb to have snails carrying around votes I understand It's fucking stupid
Starting point is 02:12:38 I understand There's so many better ways to do voting than fucking snails Yeah, alright Who fucking snails. Yeah. All right. Who do snails even want to win? I got it. I understood.
Starting point is 02:12:52 The concept. I'm there with you. Okay. Moving on. Goldilocks for $9.99. I vividly remember. Shut up. I know you want to say more.
Starting point is 02:13:02 Just shut up. I know you want to say more. Just shut up. I vividly remember Dick explaining the OJ bit to Vito before, after he got the strike for it. Are we sure Dick was the one who got assaulted? It's been a while. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shut up. Antagonist for five. Ozempic has been shown to not just cut down on fat, but you also lose twice as much in lean muscle
Starting point is 02:13:20 mass. You better start working out, bud. Thanks for not killing yourself. Absolutely. He's got on some steroids. Yeah, well, I would love to get those as well. TheRealHydroPX for five. When will you guys make a locals and post some wife pics like Nick Riccata? Ouch. David Gomez for two. When we get married. Yeah, when we have a lady
Starting point is 02:13:36 to show off. David Gomez for two. If I lose 30 pounds, I lose 60 in muscle. Fake news. That sounds... Yeah, I don't know about that. SpiderEternal for five. Why do Vito's notes have a giant meat tube and sphere satchel? Did I just fuck? Oh, yeah, look. You're holding up your notes and you drew a guy's cock.
Starting point is 02:13:54 I drew a cock. Look. Oh, wait, you can't show that on YouTube. Well. No, that got me fucking banned. All right, all right. There's nothing there. Showing a fat guy.
Starting point is 02:14:02 I drew a picture. By the way, it's my birthday this week. I turned 40. Thanks for not killing yourselves. You're welcome. Why does your notes have a guy's balls and cock, though? I don't know. I just drew a dick.
Starting point is 02:14:12 You never draw dicks? It's funny. Well, not on a guy. Like, his whole body. It's shooting like a little cum cloud. We just looked at a picture of Isom sucking me off. That's fine. Why can't I draw this? A hot girl drew that. Alright, well sometimes
Starting point is 02:14:28 I draw penises because it's fun. Yeah, but you drew the thighs and stuff too. Well, I mean, it's You drew the balls in a weird way. They're like I don't know how to draw testicles, okay? Okay, look. That should be like that. Now you're drawing it. Yeah, but I'm just doing
Starting point is 02:14:44 it to show you what you're doing. You're gonna give me notes? You're gonna give me notes? Yeah, look. That should be like that. Well, now you're drawing it. Yeah, but I'm just doing it to show you what you did wrong. You're going to give me notes? Yeah, look. See, that's how there's a thing in the middle. I'm drawing boobs, and I'm just not drawing nipples on them. There's two balls. Yeah, but you drew that one ball all the way up to his cock. That makes no sense.
Starting point is 02:14:57 It's a fold of the skin. All right. Spider Eternal for five. I already asked that question. Happy 40th birthday. Rusty Shackleford For five Jamie Foxx got crippled
Starting point is 02:15:07 By the magic liquid Why did you vote for this veto? That's unconfirmed We don't know what happened Who cares? Yeah, who cares? Who fucking cares About any of this
Starting point is 02:15:15 COVID shit anymore? It's exhausting at this point Mr. Cool Ice I love Mr. Cool Ice For 20 big dollars Thank you I'm absolutely loving the drama Keep it up, guys Thumbs up, Mr. Cool Ice It's not drama on my end I don you. I'm absolutely loving the drama. Keep it up, guys.
Starting point is 02:15:25 Thumbs up, Mr. Koulis. It's not drama on my end. I don't even, I'm doing nothing. All I'm doing is sterilely critiquing a work of art, and Eric Gilles totally melting down and totally behaving in ways that are crazy and manic and out of control. I'm being totally normal and not doing any drama.
Starting point is 02:15:44 There's nothing coming from me. It's all from him. I'm being totally normal and not doing any drama. There's nothing coming from me. It's all from him. I want to stop talking about it, but literally I'm just getting like hundreds of notifications. I didn't even want to start talking about it. That Rip A Goal Post fucking page
Starting point is 02:15:54 is talking about us every day and posting videos from our show. And that's just an Eric July alt account. Eric July is just posting as Rip A Goal Post. I don't even want to be involved in any of this drama. He goes, well, that's not an official account.
Starting point is 02:16:07 I go, all your employees are literally on there responding to it and retweeting it constantly. It's clearly either someone you know or somebody you definitely approve of. It's clearly you. Well, it's something. Matt M for five. I hope Maddox teams up with Eric July on this fight. I wouldn't put it past him.
Starting point is 02:16:24 Yeah, sure. Trap trap to the story for five. Eric's eyes with Eric July on this fight. I wouldn't put it past him. Yeah, sure. Flap trap to the destroyer for five. Eric's eyes look so watery in this stream. Looks like me. Peter Hansman for 550 Canadian. Vito, please use the power of crying to convince Richard to do monthly Richard-tations. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we got to make it happen.
Starting point is 02:16:40 On the John for 11 big Canadian dollars. My crowning achievement this week was triggering Eric July with, why are you spending so much time on these guys comment he was so mad he couldn't bring up my profile to bully me yeah i couldn't find your profile that's all he does he digs this guy look at this crack smoker all right we got it david gomez for two eric july going for the safeway select brand mr t all right p90x P90X plus DVD for five. Always imagine July would look like a distinguished gentleman. Woof. Well, we're not going to insult the man's looks. Come on. That's
Starting point is 02:17:11 beneath us. JLo for $4.99. He looks like a hobo. Like a homeless person. That's his look. That's what they all look like now. I used to feel sorry for Eric and wanted you guys TBF to him, but now I think Vito was right all along. Much love, fellas.
Starting point is 02:17:26 Keep up the great show. Cots for 10. When discussing complex issues like Eric's wise, wonderfully composed comic, it's crucial, TBF, with your approach to the— Shut up. You're all terrible at this. Yeah, it's like an SAT question. Yeah, come on.
Starting point is 02:17:38 Also, the basis of my attempt was CHBT, so F off. If Vito doesn't F up, take my money. Yeah, your attempt was terrible and it did not work. Wet Bandit for 10. Tardy drink refills. Remind me of a waitress that served me a drink with no ice because it comes out cold as if the drink won't immediately warm up to room temp. She was tardy all right.
Starting point is 02:18:00 No ice in the drink. Greedo, fail for two. Eric July. Eric, do cry. Greedo fail for two Eric July Eric do cry J-Lo for two Please tell him Isom sucks to his face And film it
Starting point is 02:18:10 Yeah if anyone sees Eric July at the Comic Con Go up and say Hey I'm a huge fan Psych Your comic sucks And record that But you have to say
Starting point is 02:18:20 The compliment first P90X plus DVD For five Follow up I literally picture I'll give you a Shawnee's NFT If you do that Oh a free Shawnee's NFT But you have to say the compliment first. P90X plus DVD for five. Follow up. I literally picture. I'll give you a Shawnee's NFT if you do that. Oh, a free Shawnee's NFT if you insult Eric July.
Starting point is 02:18:32 On camera, though. On camera. He says, I pictured an older black man that was a 40-year-old comic veteran. This is a yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Did you picture a guy who looks like he You know Thinks a lot And is like introspective And has a lot of Thomas Sowell
Starting point is 02:18:47 On the poster behind him Sowell Thomas Sowell When you think of famous writers Do you think of You know guys Who just are out there Picking fights
Starting point is 02:18:55 And yelling all the time Or do you think of Quiet introspective weirdos Like me Superkiller now available On Indiegogo Check it out at Superkiller.org.
Starting point is 02:19:06 Rev for five. Be careful when you pull up to Eric G. Eli's comic book convention. He might bounce off a wall at you, as is, I assume, his most powerful power. Clap 99 for 10. I really think it did make that money, but people wanted to support a black anti-woke creator, and that's why so many people bought it to own the libs. We've been owned, folks.
Starting point is 02:19:23 The libs have been owned. P90X for two. My brother already made his money. Why are you so mad? Jarek Juneteenth for two. Pull up, pull up, push up, sit up, stop hiding. Gear Tooth Cartoons for five. Let's get a tag team match.
Starting point is 02:19:36 Eric and Isam versus Vito and Derek Superkiller Chauvin. No. To determine Isam number one's quality. Red for five. The reason he's so mad is he realized he will never make another $3 million campaign again, and his ISOM number two numbers won't be even close. I'm interested to see how well it does. I don't know.
Starting point is 02:19:53 How long does the anti-woke marketing gimmick last? At what point do people run out of money for anti-woke chocolate and beer? Well, the economy sucks now. Yeah. And there's a lot of people In the anti-woke Grift game now Oh they're all fighting over The same slice of the anti-woke pie
Starting point is 02:20:10 And he's like cranking out A bunch of comics Like at the same time Like one after another He's got three comics coming out So rather than take the time To learn how to write One of them
Starting point is 02:20:20 Yeah He's making three At least he's hiring Other people to write them uh with the cat cara fro for 149 with a nice beautiful picture of a cat thank you cara the real hydro px5 veto one will go to hedonism 2 nick ricada's favorite swinger resort i'd be down that sounds fun yeah i'd go there i want to go on a cruise clap trap torap to Destroyer for five. Buster Masterson spitting facts. Fahogods for two.
Starting point is 02:20:46 Scott Adams versus Eric July. When? I'd like to see that in this section of... How would that play out, I wonder? Oh, Scott. Did Eric July even have three-fifths of a plot in his story? Okay, Scott, come on. That's terrible.
Starting point is 02:21:10 Oh, maybe I could solve the mystery of where did the fried chicken go. Oh, Scott! You just, come on, you just got canceled. You got to ease up on this stuff. You can't go full into this humor. Oh, wow. Oh, boy. A city with no bicycles, right? You can't go full into this humor Oh wow Oh boy A city with no bicycles right
Starting point is 02:21:28 Is that what you got out of I saw that's what I Got what you think about watching you know a black Man fight another black man in the Parking lot Where is this Oakland $35 to see this I could just watch
Starting point is 02:21:43 Look out my window All right Scott Come on. I paid $35 to see this. I could just watch TikTok for free. You know what I'm saying, Beto? All right, Scott. Well, I think you should support an independent black creator like Eric July. You know, he's clearly doing a lot for the black community. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Starting point is 02:21:57 Yeah. How? Well, you know, they've been devoid of such great black heroes, and he's finally delivering, you know, an anti-woke hero. He's inspiring young black men to not read, right? He made it bad on purpose. Wow. So they stay away from books.
Starting point is 02:22:17 That Scott Adams is a card. I tell you what. Jared, dude, see it's for two. Where's your Ripaverse cap? I don't know. I think it's in my car. H-Punch for 10. A lot of Ripaverse cap? I don't know. I think it's in my car. Hpunch for ten. A lot of woke media is also just bad
Starting point is 02:22:27 because they're vanity projects and cram their morals into stories ham-fistedly. I mean, he literally it's a guy living on a farm and like away from the city. I'm like, I know you're a libertarian. You don't want to deal with people. I get it. Yeah, but he has a whole farm. That's like the most dealing with, like that's the most government subsidies you could have.
Starting point is 02:22:43 That's true. Being a farm. And he's got that big Picture of him at the end Wearing his taxation His theft Hat I go you know what else Is theft Ask people to pay
Starting point is 02:22:53 Forty five dollars For this Yeah it's terrible My girlfriend read it too You know what the weird Thing was Is she's She's reading it
Starting point is 02:23:02 And she's like Saying things Every single one of my Notes she's like why the fuck would this be Like I'm like I don't wanna I'm not gonna interrupt Afterwards They're ditching laughs for grasps
Starting point is 02:23:16 Because they want respect Well that's what it is folks 5 Australian Jar Jar Binks was as Hated as he was he did not ruin Star Wars as completely As the sequels Poor writing is the problem Yes TBF for two
Starting point is 02:23:29 So close Lol Great show Not close Great show guys Don't kill yourselves DJ For 20 Australian
Starting point is 02:23:36 Get John Zirka on It's hard to get that guy He's a busy guy We'd love to get him on He came on my show I know but He's crazy He's hard to get back
Starting point is 02:23:44 I think he's doing everything He's very famous now Goldilocks for $9.99 I'll join Vito in the weight loss I weigh almost 240 If I can't drop Before 200 Before Vito loses his weight
Starting point is 02:23:52 I'll buy the biggest tier For your comic And even gift it To someone else as well Wow Buy it first And then charge back If you lose the weight
Starting point is 02:23:59 No don't do a charge back Do a refund If you lose the weight But buy it first I think it would be A charge you lose the weight But buy it first I think it would be A chargeback Buy it first Yeah buy it first
Starting point is 02:24:08 Come on vids For $9.99 The snail population Is growing Oh god damn it There were more snails Counted in the state of Arizona
Starting point is 02:24:15 Than the previously Known amount Snails coming out of Coolers and suitcases That's true Snails No Snails could be
Starting point is 02:24:23 They could be Live snails Or they could just be shells lying around. Like, you don't know. You could have a ton of snails. They could be on the roof. If we end up being a Rumble exclusive show, I'm going to blow my brains out. I'm just. And it's going to be your fault.
Starting point is 02:24:40 How are you not supposed to talk about snails? I don't know. But you need to figure out how to not talk about snails. I'm sure you can think of a way. Stop looking around for help. Just stop it. Jesus fucking Christ. Tipster is here.
Starting point is 02:24:57 I don't know if that's the real Tipster. How can you tell? I don't know. You got to go to his channel. There's a lot of fake tipsters though That's That's the real tipster What's up tipster
Starting point is 02:25:09 I told tipster he's gotta come on the show He lives in California Yeah come on the show Tipster says Gotta love when you're living rent free In people's heads like that People are obsessed Oh I know all about that
Starting point is 02:25:20 And tipster is also living In a lot of people's heads Rent free this week So uh Yeah it's a good review People's heads Rent free this week So uh Yeah it's a good review It's a good review It means that you've Made an impact on the world
Starting point is 02:25:29 Alex Poop For ten dollars Don't laugh at that That's terrible I call my girl Sneeze Cause that Gazoon tight
Starting point is 02:25:38 That's pretty good Rex Sexton For ten Vito School choices Okay I don't care Thanks for the ten dollars There You Vito, school choices? Okay, I don't care. Thanks for the $10. There. I'm not reading
Starting point is 02:25:48 any of that. I don't care. If you, like, try to lecture me on a political issue with your super chat, I'm just not going to read it. I don't care. Finally, Ethan Van Schuyver, comic artist pro secrets for a big $20, says,
Starting point is 02:26:04 please review Cyberfrog. Send it. I will send a PDF. I'll review anything. Send it. Dick will review it. Ray J for five. Eric's right.
Starting point is 02:26:11 I'm tired of seeing you two beef. Okay. You're doing the beef one. I know. You almost got you. You almost got me. Guys, biggestproblem.show. Vote on all the problems.
Starting point is 02:26:19 Bonus episode. Biggest Problem and Spider-Man will be coming soon, early next week. Put up the list of our supporters, which I did not update because I didn't have time, but it will be updated on the next show. We love you all. Not that one. That's for crying only. There it is.
Starting point is 02:26:35 We love you all. Thank you so much for forming a parasocial relationship with all of us. And we will be back next week with more exciting problems. Why would you draw like so It's like a cock Like a whole full body Like that you're looking at it Like this is like
Starting point is 02:26:53 You draw a cylinder Like a cylinder is a basic shape And then eventually it just kind of becomes a penis You draw a whole lower body around the cock that you drew Well once you draw the penis Why would you not draw the legs and the feet and the rest of it? Because I'm straight. If I'm drawing disembodied cocks, they're like...
Starting point is 02:27:09 Just cocks. It's like the concept of a cock that I'm drawing. It's like a totem. You're drawing a guy. You're drawing an actual guy. You want disembodied cock, wants an actual body. It's no longer a metaphor. Now it's like a physical man.
Starting point is 02:27:24 I was just doodling. I'm just here with the pen, and the pen does what it wants. I'm an artist. It's no longer a metaphor. Now it's like a physical man. I was just doodling. It's just, I'm just here with the pen and the pen does what it wants. I'm an artist. I don't know, man. This is like a reverse mermaid that I'm looking at. Like with the fish head and the pussy lower body. That's the level of comfort I'm having from this. You don't have to look at it. You can throw it out. It's just my notes. I
Starting point is 02:27:39 drew a dick on it and it's not a big deal. Yeah, but you're just drawing it like out in the open. Like these teachers talking about their talking about their relationships with the kids. A kid could come in here. Alright, well I would be a terrible teacher because I'd probably be doodling dicks all the time. Alright, goodbye everyone. Goodbye!

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