The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 93
Episode Date: June 10, 2023Graduation Speeches, Too Many Beginner Tutorials, Food Going Bad, Parental Wisdom...
Transcript
Discussion (0)
And go
Yes
What were you criticizing before
You gotta fade the song out a little bit
Well we were listening to that song
Off YouTube
So it actually was just dead air
It was even worse than what you're thinking
What are you fiddling around on your phone for
I'm retweeting your
Show announcement that we're here
And we're live
Just when I said I needed more time, you laughed at me.
No, I didn't laugh.
Here we are.
Here we are.
Here we are, reaping the sows of our rewards.
I'm excited.
I'm happy to be here.
Is it working?
That's what I'm looking at.
It seems like it's working.
Pull up.
Pull up, guys.
Pull up, everybody.
Pull up, friends.
Pull up to your favorite podcast. Pull up and get your, make sure you're
carrying your business cards for a networking event that you're sure to enjoy. He does talk
about, oh, I got guns and all. It's like kind of a violent guy. Pull up. The Eric July arc
is, continues to become fascinating as
more and more personalities are drawn
into it. Well, because it's Black
Maddox. That's why. It's a guy who
can't admit he's wrong being actively
wrong. Who would know that my pitiful jealousy
of a black man's comic book project
would spawn
such a great narrative arc.
So much comedy.
You know what I've heard a lot
Is people saying
The worst part is
Is that Vito was right
The worst
The part they hate most
About the Eric July thing
Is that
It meant you were correct
This whole time
I knew I was right though
Like
There's
I
I write
Right
And I read
And I
And like
And I also have worked on
Like a lot of Kickstarter campaigns
And like had to edit
I've been like an editor
And stuff
Uh-huh
So when I looked at his campaign
And I'm like
Oh, this guy just can't write
Like a decent sentence
That's like a very strong
Indicator
Like right now
It's a strong indicator
It's a very strong indicator
If I look at the back of the book
And it's like gibberish
Like a child wrote it
I think
I don't think this book's gonna be I hate to judge a book by its cover
Yeah, and some people who I understand are not maybe as obsessed with the English language and how words fit together Michael
I don't know. It sounds fine to me and I'm like no like I can tell
That this is a very low writing level and there's no way that guy writes like this
He's gonna make a great comic like
But you're right. There's no way for me to who writes like this is going to make a great comic.
But you're right.
There's no way for me to convince people of that because people are not, a lot of people do not have a background in writing and editing and whatever else.
I'm just good at sticking to the facts though.
Yes.
Facts is bad and that's why it's bad.
Yeah, but it made a lot of money.
No, it's bad and this is why it's bad.
Don't care.
Bad and this is why it's bad.
Could it get better is the question.
I'm excited to see.
I'm excited to see.
I'm excited to see.
See, that's the other thing, too, is that I'm also a very fair guy.
If it got good, I would have to go, well, he hired somebody to tell him what to do, clearly,
because he didn't write it himself.
I mean, thank God for this show.
You would just be seething about this comic by
yourself and i would never have read it yeah and everybody would still be going i just heard it's
a great comic and i don't know what you're so mad about all right all right i'm gonna do the
fifth grade teacher review for i saw number one later but let's do this fantastic
close enough
biggest problem Didn't fucking do it. Close enough.
Biggest problem in the universe.
Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe.
The only show that ranks every problem in the universe from sketchy semi-glutide to Vito's love of pride.
That was sent in by James.
What do you think about that? I'm your host, Nick Masters.
Joining me as always is Vito Giswaldi.
I think you should let me review the rhymes before the show.
Well, how would you improve that one?
Vito's love of pride.
Vito's love of gay pride would have gave it.
Of gay pride?
Well, it would have gave it the same number of syllables.
Well, yeah, but it's not gay pride gay pride though Cause it's trans pride and stuff
The problem is that the sentences need
The rhyme needs two sentences that are like
The same length
From sketchy semi-glutide
To veto's love of gay pride
No
From sketchy semi-glutide
To veto's love of the pride
Or gay pride or something
Veto's gay semi-glutide
To veto's gay love of gay pride Or something Vito's gay Semi-glutide To Vito's
Gay love
Of gay pride
No
You need to match
Like
You need to be right on
With the number of syllables
I don't know why people
Don't get that
Okay
I don't know why people
Still send me rhymes
For just things in general
Yeah
Like can I have a rhyme
They're like
How about like
Show co-host
Named Maddox And I'm like what would that have to do with anything?
the last episode I
See anybody else just throwing out rhymes. She just used chat GPT
It's hard. I've tried to I've tried to use chat GPT, but it doesn't understand like I don't know
There's something about a come up with clever puns
Yeah, because it does it like correctly
But none of them are any good
None of them are funny
Anyway
I'd like to play around with that
Go for it
Thank you James
For the rhyme
Are you ready for
The winners
The winners
Yes
People who pretend
Not to get jokes
Well that's a good one
I can't argue with that one
I've suffered under the toil
Of that situation For far too long yeah uh then snail
in voting people don't want to trust their votes to a snail i have to admit who put together that
awful snail image what do you mean there's like an angry there's like a snail but it has like evil
teeth and a mail carrier's bag and that is your
representation of so called
snail in voting. You're talking about this guy
right here. I'm talking about this guy yeah.
Would you want this guy
would you want this guy
would you trust this guy with your vote
for whatever it might be
the teeth
you can't see the teeth too well at this thing
but he's got these horrifying sharp teeth.
And I was like, Jesus fucking Christ.
I mean, I am legitimately terrified of this creature you've created, so I can't argue with that.
Yeah, nobody wants him.
I don't want that thing showing up to collect my balance.
You'll end up with some incompetent pedophile running the snail.
Okay, running the snail world.
The snail world.
Some old geriatric.
Well, yeah, that's terrifying, and I understand why people don't want that snail.
Nothing's fucking working now.
Amazing.
How are you doing?
See a lot of movies this week?
You seem kind of low energy.
I did see a lot of movies this week.
Yeah?
How were any of them?
You had to grade them as one unit
How would you grade them?
I had a very good movie viewing experience
On Tuesday, I screwed up
Because I had said we should see Spider-Man together
And then I was
Well, I went to get tacos
And the taco place is right next to the movie theater
And Tuesday
Because Tuesday is cheap taco day You couldn't tell me? What? went to get tacos and the taco place is right next to the movie theater and tuesday because
tuesday is cheap taco day you couldn't tell me what that you were doing this like because i was
waiting around to see when when i was going oh okay and then i got no response then i'm like
well i'm trying to make plans but apparently while i was waiting for you to tell me when we were
gonna go see spider-man i just went and saw Spider-Man. You were seeing Spider-Man. All right.
Well, I screwed that up.
That was bad.
I was like, yeah, I don't know why.
I'm not good at planning things.
Let's be real.
Well, you planned it.
No, I didn't plan it.
You said we're doing it on Tuesday, but then you just said, ah, fuck it.
I'm just going to see it.
Well, I assumed.
I was like, well, you know what?
Because we're seeing that movie on Wednesday.
And I'm like, why don't we see two movies together?
And then I wake up and you're like I'm doing a big crypto
space tonight and I'm like I got us those
passes to see the Flash movie
yeah oh well I didn't
I didn't know you had gotten me a thing too but I would
have ditched I would have ditched anyway
it was Wednesday honestly I showed
up a little late and
they told me the screening was full
so
but
I was able to sneak into the screening by myself.
Okay.
If it was both of us sneaking into the screening, yeah, it might have been a little more.
Yeah.
Also, because I got there so late, I ended up getting a – there was a lot of finagling
because first I ended up in the very front row, which I don't even know why that's a row.
I was like, wait, people watch movies like this?
It's crazy yeah and i was like well i don't want to watch like this so i had to go back in the audience and steal some executives just put a tv in front of you
yeah front row honestly or something it's like there's no point so i had to wait and like wait
for see which wb executives didn't show up and then steal one of their seats that were roped
off or whatever else
Yeah
It was a whole production
Yeah
But I saw Spider-Man
And it's great
And you should see it
I wanted to
Well you still can
You don't have to see it with me
But now it's just kind of like
I'll just see it on Plex
Yeah just see it on Plex
Pirated
And Flash was surprisingly good
Okay
Did you think about his
Rapes or anything
While you were While I was watching the movie No Would that have enhanced it If you you think about his rapes or anything while you were watching the movie?
Would that have enhanced it if you were thinking about his rapes or something?
The one thing I started thinking about as related to Ezra Miller outside of the movie
was there's a point in the movie where he ends up wearing an old lady's blouse as a joke.
Okay.
And I was like, oh, I would think that Ezra Miller would have had like pitch to fit.
Like the joke is that I'm wearing women's clothing.
I wear women's clothing all the time.
Yeah, it for some reason was in the movie.
We're allowed to laugh at that, I guess.
I guess because he stole it from an old lady.
That's the joke.
Oh, the joke is that she's old.
Yeah.
Not that he's wearing.
That's what they had to tell him.
The joke's not that it's a lady.
It's that she's old.
You're wearing old ladies clothing.
You can joke about old people
i was like it feels like an old school hollywood oh man and women's clothing isn't that the most
ridiculous thing you can think of yeah you don't make those jokes anymore well we have a bonus
episode on patreon.com slash biggest problem of biggest problem in the spider-man biggest problem
in the spider-man spider-man universe it's just it's just his biggest problem in the spider-man biggest problem in the spider-man spider-man universe
It's just as this just as biggest problem in spider-man
Okay
Honestly one of our better bonus episodes. I think we got redhead erasure. I know you fucking nerds love
Love bitching about your redheads getting replaced by black people. I know that's your fucking you brought that problem
I know I just brought it in for all these fucking nerds
They would shut up about their precious red
Heads you know it was easy fucking replaced
Easy win with redhead erasure
You stupid idiots
It was a great episode we talked about
A lot of stuff talked about some of the ongoing
Eric July stuff oh yeah we
Talked about our giant our giant
Cage match fight oh with
Flash cast or whatever.
Yeah.
I don't know what's going on anymore.
Nina took a break from the internet for a day.
Did you see that after that?
Is that what she said?
Yeah.
I need a break from the internet?
No, she quit the internet for a day and came back and said,
I needed a day off after that.
That didn't last very long.
I don't know what's got...
She unblocked me on Twitter.
I said, hey, let's just bury the hatchet,
but I somehow have the feeling it's not going to last.
I'm not going to say anything about her.
I have the feeling I'll say something,
and she'll get mad at me again.
All this is her fault.
Yeah, well, she's very excited about Eric's new campaign.
That was one of the comments on that video I brought in.
Oh, should we watch it?
Maybe we should.
Maybe we...
Should we pull up? Should we pull up?
Should we pull up
To this video?
This video in trouble
Is because
I'm not starting anything with Nina
But it is interesting
That it's like
She's 100%
Gunning a hoe
For this promo video
Oh the promo video?
Yeah
She was commenting on that
I'm so freaking excited
About this promo video
Yeah
Yeah
Yeah
Yeah
I'm like
I mean I guess You gotta cheerlead your guys thing i don't know
are they like really good friends like her and eric july that's the weird thing too is i'm like
i don't know if eric july is really would you let your friend publish something this this bad
i wouldn't i would stop it's a weird little like network okay is this the thing you're talking
about so we have a new-
This is the Eric July segment of the show.
If you don't like it, if you're one of those people that says on Twitter,
hey, I can't wait for this to be over.
I'm just tired about it.
Go fuck yourself.
They keep pulling us back in, man.
We tried to get out.
We're the victims.
Yeah, Eric.
We're the victims.
His buddies keep tagging us
Eric called me the N word
Okay
I just
This is what you want
Here is yes
So this is
He's got Isom 2 is coming
Oh really?
He's gonna let us know
All about
Oh
How the haters
Have been holding him back
Oh Isom
Pre-order is
6-12?
Yeah it's coming up
Next week
Yeah
Wow do you think
He had enough time
To head with Superkiller.
I'm going to lose all my customers to
Isom. Do you think he learned how to
write since we started this beef?
I think it's possible
he's learned how to hire better ghost writers.
I'm still not convinced he wrote the
first one. Why? You've heard him talk.
Because sometimes people ask him questions about
it, and it seems like he's
not sure of what's in his own comic.
It's all wet.
Okay, let's listen to this.
Yeah.
Let's listen to this.
So much discussion.
So much hype.
So much controversy.
It's safe to say that Ice Psalm 1 was a success.
With over 60,000 books sold and wonderful reviews from our great...
Wait, what happened? I don't know.'t know it just like the audio cut out yeah something's going on
with my audio man all right hold on hold on hold on let's see controversy it's safe to say that
isom one was a success with over 60 000 books sold and wonderful reviews from our great customers
i'm just glad you all were satisfied with your
purchase. So many people tried to ignore this as if it wasn't one of, if not the biggest story in
independent comics. But whether or not they acknowledge this, it's still undeniable. The
company is much bigger than what it was when we first started. We now have a team full of absolute
rock stars and this couldn't be done without them.
But of course, everybody wants to
know about the follow-up. Some
say we were just lucky.
It's a one-hit wonder. Then there's
others that think we can actually do
even greater numbers. Then there's
some people who say the story sucks.
Yeah, he didn't bring those people up for some reason.
Then there's some people who say that it's a self-insert for you.
He's just an angry black guy who's obsessed with disrespect, and it has no plot.
It all comes down to the money, as we're going to find out here.
Okay, here we go.
So everybody from our supporters to the not-so-much will be watching this campaign like hawks.
Look, we're not expecting to make $3.7 million every campaign.
That is an unrealistic expectation.
But if we make just even a sixth of that, it's still a huge success.
And we'll be able to reinvest.
What truly matters.
Wait, reinvest?
Yeah.
In the company.
In the warehouse.
I got to get a bigger warehouse.
My ego is getting bigger by the day. I need a bigger warehouse yeah my ego is getting bigger by the
day i need a bigger warehouse to put my ego in what is what is the sixth of uh three million
yeah 50,000 500,000 okay i mean i assume it'll make that yeah yeah okay well is that those of
you that purchase the product are happy with it. We have an entire universe to build for you,
and I'm just thankful for this fandom.
Your passion is inspiring.
Our customer base ranged from old-school comic book lifers
to others that made I Sum number one
the first comic book purchase ever.
And now I Sum 2 is on the horizon,
and I have a feeling it's gonna get you all talking again
well he's gonna start
a discussion
that's what matters right
now here's what
drives me nuts is that the pitch is not
I'm so excited about where I'm
gonna take this character I'm so excited
about the story I have to tell you guys
we're gonna create great art
we're gonna create great storytelling it We're going to create great storytelling.
It's, well, last time I raised $3.4 million, but if I can make $500,000, that's still a win.
I'm like, this is not, this is the pitch?
The pitch is how much money you want to make?
What about all those people that aren't buying number two in that case?
So five-sixths of the people don't want to see the second movie?
Is that what you're, that's what you're betting on in your mind?
I think he knows that most of the people bought it.
I'll be real.
It's the same thing with my comic.
I think some people are buying it or just like, well, I want to support Vito.
Yeah.
I'm going to go like, all right, well, let's do more of it.
And they're going to go, well, I already got you started.
I'm not really into comics or whatever else.
I get it.
Yeah.
Hopefully we can bring it down across time.
It's a collector.
Well, I have to say, you know, it's a, when you buy these things, you are supporting the
company.
I get it.
The company.
Are you going to have a warehouse?
No, I'm not going to have a warehouse.
I might have to get like a storage unit depending on how much crap I put.
Call that a warehouse?
I could call it a warehouse.
That'd be fun.
Okay. But yeah, it's really, really i just the cynicism of the pitch like to just be like you know we raised this much money and that's why we know we're winning and if we
raise at least this much more money we'll know we're winning. It's the way that we collectively win is by you giving money to me.
In a way, it's actually way more cynical before when he's like, we're going to change the comic book space.
We're going to teach people to respect their customers.
Yeah, that's all gone.
Now it's gone, and it's just the real win.
If we get together, Maybe we can't give me
Another four million
But we can give me
A lot of money
So dig deep
I'm letting you all know
When the money giving starts
And then
Look
I'm telling
You guys know you're satisfied
With your purchase
You're the customer
You're the customer
Customer
Customer
Customer
Customer
Customer
Yeah why do you want to talk about customer?
Like, it's this weird business speak
And I have this weird belief that my buddy, I was talking to him
And he's like, yeah, because like dumb people are obsessed with the idea of like making money
And having their own warehouse and having employees and having customers
They're just like, so that is actually what excites them
They don't want a comic
or whatever else.
They want successful businesses.
Because they're stupid.
You can invest,
just go buy stock.
If you want to win,
if you want,
we will win.
Why doesn't he sell
common stock in the company?
That would actually
make more sense
than that for this
we will win.
No story needed.
You can buy stock
In my comic company
I would be like
Honestly
These people would eat it up
They would go crazy
He should do that
We're doing a stock market
We're doing a parallel economy
Stock market
Dude they have that
Fig site
Where you can sell
Like weird fake shares
For your company
Really
It's usually like a huge scam
Yeah it's weird
But uh
Honestly Eric
I should just do that
Go I need For 10 million dollars You know That's the total amount I want to raise Like a huge scam? Yeah, it's weird. But honestly, Eric, I should just do that.
Go, I need, for $10 million, you know, that's the total amount I want to raise.
You'll own a part of the most exciting comic book company of all time.
This is why the SEC exists.
What are you saying?
Yeah, well, the SEC is, honestly, with this fake stuff, they're really dragging their feet and they're not doing a good job.
Like Atari used it to scam a bunch of people out of money recently.
Wow, Eric should really do that It would just be free money
I don't know why he isn't
Now I'm getting into the like grift of it
I'm like, wow
I mean, as long as you're going to do it
If that's the only selling point
Then just, yeah, trick people into becoming shareholders
You thought the first book was a success at four million
This book is going to be an even bigger success at 500,000
Well, he's got three different books So maybe he'll make it up between all the titles is going to be an even bigger success at $500,000.
Well, he's got three different books,
so maybe he'll make it up between all the titles.
Is there anything about the exciting story
that's going to continue?
Was there any cliffhanger or anything?
He will fight Santwon again.
Maybe a fourth time.
And get kicked out of a club two more times.
There will be an even blacker spelling
of someone's name in IZOM too.
I'm excited. Okay, Popsculpture
says, my aunt used to leave those little
Jesus comics as tips
too. Wow, that's awful.
Chick tranks. I want to make
for the next Super Chilt Killer campaign
I want to make a chick trank. I think I already said that.
You did. Austin says,
you and Vito had me rolling
with your Buster Baxter rap
Yeah
Somebody said that I could work on my flow
In the video
And I just wanted that person to know
I don't know what that is
So
Why don't you
I think it was a good little tag team
Why don't you take that
I did rewatch that a couple times
Where you're like
This beat is too slow
And I went
No Dick
Just approach it like this I can't It was a fun little i have not heard very much rap i understand
well you don't even i somebody else left a comment where they're like one of the funny
things about the show is dick being unable to recognize popular music so i don't even know
what you listen to nothing we played the blitzkrieg bop stinger and you're like oh that's a fun little
i wonder how they came up with that i I'm like, it's an existing song.
Y'all triggering Eric July is the funniest shit I've ever seen this year.
Thank you.
James says, I'm a snail man, and I wish voting by snail wasn't real.
He's a snail.
He's a snail.
Oh, he's a snail man.
He works for the snailing company.
Yeah.
The United Snail.
The United Snail office.
Phony.
Okay.
Eric says,
Eric,
as Eric joys the Michael Jordan of comics,
he's Michael Jordan's baseball career.
I saw that a couple of times.
Ha ha.
Torn quads,
Dick's attempt at rapping was pretty spastic.
I think he meant.
Fantastic.
Fantastic.
But there were little moments of gold in there.
He's got to pace himself better.
Chill a little.
Oh,
why don't you fucking kill yourself?
That's a learned skill.
Jovi says,
the clips of that
flashcast stream
are hilarious
with Eric getting annoyed
by the minute,
but when EVS
told him that
there should be motivation
for Avery giving a shit
about looking for
the girl fucking gold.
Yeah, that was gold.
I still have not
watched that whole thing
because honestly,
man, those guys are like
angry guys
It's not I don't understand why people go looking for those shows of just like fighting and anger
I'm like I thought like this show we're like, you know, we're pretty jovial fun. It's easy listening
Clint says I just watched dick on the flashcast essentially being straight with Eric everyone
But Ethan Van Syver was an absolute idiot and then turned the subject to
veto and pedophiles uh all they have are ad hominem attacks when they can't defend genuine
criticism and pretend not to understand context but when it's laid out for them clear as day uh
screw eric july and his sycophants i'm buying veto's comic he's not a pedophile he's just a
liberal which is pretty close but luckily i haven't made the full liberal plunge, right?
Redhead erasure. Hey Dick and Vito redhead erasure is a great problem a few months ago
I made a I made a wikipedia a pedia article titled list of redheaded characters cast as people of color for film and television
It was quickly and predictably removed by their humorless editors. Yeah, I don't think that's going to be on Wikipedia.
Yeah, I think.
I don't think you understand what Wikipedia is for.
You got to make a separate wiki for that.
I still have a copy of the list in my sandbox.
So here it is.
Okay, thanks, David.
All right.
But then I had people trying to make me feel bad when I, I get some of that.
Not all these redheads, though.
Were we talking about the new How I Met Your Dragon?
No, not How I Met Your Dragon.
How I Met Your Dragon.
How to Train Your Dragon.
Right.
Yeah, they're getting rid of that blonde Nordic Viking girl
and replacing her with a mixed race actress.
I'm like, just get a little blonde girl.
I don't get it.
Why don't you make them look the same?
I don't know.
It's a Viking story.
Vikings, blonde or red hair. The braids,ids they're not they didn't have black vikings i just have bigger
problems than this i know like there's so many other bigger problems and i'm not losing sleep
over it it's just like if you're gonna tell that story you want to accurately cast it yeah okay
is it my turn first did i I win? You won with something.
I forget what it was. You won with...
People who pretend not to understand jokes.
Yes.
My problem is, by the way, we're doing the fifth grader review,
fifth grade teacher review.
At the end of the episode.
Advise someone at the end of the episode.
My problem is...
Graduation speeches.
Have you had to listen to a graduation speech?
I'm aware of them
I don't remember any of them
I guess I did go to my high school graduation
Yeah
You know what a nightmare these things are?
That you have to go to?
They're pretty stupid
And they have every kid do one
Sometimes
Not every kid
Every kid?
Every kid
I thought it was supposed to be the valedictorian
No, no, no, no, no They've got every kid in Every kid? Every kid. I thought it was supposed to be the valedictorian. No, no, no, no, no.
They've got every kid in there giving his own special or her own special speech that is
like it was spit out of a AI about mindless planets.
And they don't get any better.
All the way up to the very top.
Yeah.
Like.
When did you go to a graduation?
I have to go all the time.
For who?
My girlfriend's a teacher.
And my sister has children.
I always have to.
I've had to go to these things.
But you go to the graduation.
For my entire life.
For your girlfriend's students graduating.
I have to end up there at some.
I have to end up there at some point.
Vito.
You have to put in the work.
And what?
You just listen to little kids talking about.
Or anybody. Talking about Or anybody
Or anybody
Saying anything about anything
Sure
It's all a preposterous farce
All the way up to the celebrities
Where they give those honorary ones
At colleges
For no reason
I think it's one of those things where like
Life is so devoid of meaning
That you need to
Inject pageantry into it
To try and
Briefly convince yourself otherwise
Is that what it is?
Yeah
I think life is just so
Bleak and depressing
Where it's like
Well at least I get to put on a hat
And throw it
And pretend I've achieved something
By escaping from the public school system
Why do they have to be so long?
It feels like
It feels like
The first step of
indoctrinating people into
giving and receiving TED Talks
and presentations.
This is your first taste,
kids, of what will be
the rest of your life. Preparing
a retarded presentation
to give people who don't want
to be there. Yeah. Okay,
well, here's my talk
About a bunch of annoying shit
To prove to you that I'm a human
By reading a script that could have been written by a computer
Also that the
At least for my high school
I think it's the same for most high schools
That the top performing student
Is supposed to give the graduation speech
These are high school graduations I'm talking about
Yeah So it's the valedictorian of the class Right performing student is supposed to give the graduation speech. These are high school graduations I'm talking about. Yeah.
So it was the valedictorian of the class.
Right.
But my class was full of all these pissant, overachiever, little fuckheads.
And some of them had exactly perfect scores.
So they had to give each of them their own graduation speech.
And I remember going, you know, one of them's like the Asian kid.
And I go, yeah, but he's like a little robot. Like, what does he have to say about the human condition? What did he have to say? Nothing, you know, one of them's like the Asian kid. And I go, yeah, but he's like a little robot.
Like, what does he have to say about the human condition?
What did he have to say?
Nothing, you know, because that's the thing.
All he does is focus on math and science.
Oh, yeah.
You guys are so much better.
You should have got me to give the graduation speech.
You should get the lowest scoring kid to give the graduation speech,
because at least he'll be like, hey, we got through it.
We don't need any more speeches. got through it And none of this Fucking matters
We don't need any more speeches
We do not need
Any of this stuff
It's gotta be stopped
Okay a little
Congratulatory
Did you have a graduation
In the
Did you graduate college
Yeah I didn't go
To the graduation though
I graduated community college
And I think they
Did you go
No
No
It's a community college there's like an optional thing
i'm like the community college is like an hour from my house like i don't want to make that
fucking drive to and also it's community college you don't like know anybody really i don't like
i don't know yeah god community college i should do that problem what did you graduate from i think
i took that's the other thing i don't don't even remember. I think it was either a generic liberal arts
degree, I think it was a liberal arts degree with
an English, like,
slant, it had like a special name.
Slant? Well, the idea
was like liberal arts slash English.
They just call it slant in community college.
Well, it's a two-year degree, so they can't call it anything too
special. The only reason I went to community college
because I was like, oh, I'll get my basic credits
here, and then I'll transfer to a real university
Which I never did
Because
School is the worst thing in the world
And I shouldn't have even went to the community college
Honestly
It was a huge fucking waste of my time
As I always tell kids
Kids are like I'm always getting in trouble
Because back when I used to like
Stream kids would call in and they'd be like, I'm thinking about going to college.
I'm like, just don't.
There's no reason.
Okay.
I'm like, just learn the Adobe Suite and you'll be fine.
Now just learn AI.
If you're a kid thinking about going to college, just go download all the AI programs and master whatever's going on.
Okay.
And you'll probably make way more money than anyone who's going to college.
Here's some quotes From graduation speeches
The sidelines are not where you want
To live your life
That's Tim Cook, Apple's CEO
Oh, he gave the speech
To the kids?
Yeah, the sidelines are not
A man got up in front of people
And said that
The commencement speaker
Yeah, and they all sat there and said
That's great great good job
there was really resonates with me i think they got david zaslav to give a commencement speech
somewhere yeah and he got booed he got booed because there's the writer's strike is going on
that should happen all the time every commencement speech should be booed
it seems like half these speeches are just an excuse for some weird stupid political
like protest oh yeah i think like there's one there's always one where it's like the gay kid It seems like half these speeches are just an excuse for some weird, stupid political, like, protest.
Oh, yeah.
I think, like, there's one, there's always one where it's like the gay kid is being told, like,
all right, just don't say any gay shit during your graduation thing.
And he just starts getting into it.
He's like, I think the best part of school was sucking all that dick.
And it's like, oh, what a brave and inspiring.
And I'm like, what is the point of any, you know?
How come there's not anything good that ever happens like that?
Like a gay kid getting kicked out?
Yeah, no, they don't even, it's not even that exciting, really.
Some kid got escorted out of my high school graduation by the police.
Was he smoking weed?
No, I think he had threatened to shoot someone.
Oh, that's cool.
A killer.
Yeah.
It was kind of like, you guys let him get out here and sit there you couldn't
just let him finish yeah this sucks all
the all the like that's the thing though
it's treating it all this stupid
meaningless event as if it's like super
important I'm always reading about like
parents who are like shocked because
their kids did something horrible and
they're not gonna be allowed to walk at graduation i'm like you're not gonna walk well they're not
gonna walk jerry that's like wait we could have gotten out of this at any time i didn't know all
i had to do was like set some shit on fire and i would have got kicked out of graduation that
sounds great uh don't wait forever to find your bliss That was Katie Couric Thanks Katie
And then everyone sat there and was like
Oh man what a great
What a great retarded thing to say
There must have been some good ones
There must be ones where like some cool celebrity shows up
No cause you could
You could read it at home or get an email
Like this could have all been an email
This whole graduation
Speech
I remember they were always trying to get a an email. Like this could have all been an email. This whole graduation speech.
I remember they were always trying to get a
what do you call it?
Somebody graduated from my school
who played the lady, Uma Thurman
graduated from my high school.
So they'd always be like, hey, do you want to come
give a speech at a high school
graduation on the other side of the country?
Yeah. She's like, no.
No. What is wrong with you
people? The worst ones are the comedians.
They have to like try to make it
funny, but it's still in the form
of like a horrible, stupid speech.
Pandering. Yeah.
You're the best and bright skies.
It feels like a breakup. Yeah.
You know? Like the same tone.
They gotta add something to it.
Like one kid dies
At the graduation
Yeah I like that
And then it's like
Oh well at least there's like
A little like suspense
Yeah
You know maybe the graduation speaker
Gets to pick one kid
To kill
To kill
That would be good
Alright that's my problem
Graduation speaker
Really trying to spice up
The graduation stuff
Yeah I hear you dick
I hear you Well you. I hear you.
Well, you know who's going to tell you you got to go to your graduation?
Your parents, Dick.
Yeah.
Because you know what parents have?
And you know what the biggest problem in the universe is?
The concept of parental wisdom.
Now, you know me.
Wait, parental wisdom?
Yeah.
This is not how you described it to me earlier, your problem.
Okay.
I mean, it's a very specific type of parental wisdom.
It's the idea that the mere act of becoming a parent has somehow bestowed onto you some wisdom about children and life that a childless person could never understand.
Oh, I see.
Okay.
Yeah?
Okay. So you are annoyed that you cannot argue parents about kids.
Oh, no, I can.
It's just they always bring up this little, well, do you have any children?
And I go, no.
And I think that gives me a very unbiased and objective opinion on this subject.
You has been tainted by having a child.
Yeah, you got too much skin in the
game. You're all emotional
about how children should be talked
to and educated. Do you know more?
I think I do know more.
I think most parents
have
an unfortunate bias
towards their own children and their beliefs
towards their own children. Kid protecting bias?
Well, protecting.
More like kid ignorance.
They want their children to live in a moronville.
One thing that's been going on recently, a lot of people. Gay shit.
Gay shit.
Yeah, there's been a lot of that.
And a lot of people are going, well, I just don't want my kids to learn about any of this gay shit.
Gay shit?
They already know, man.
You're gay as fuck.
What are you talking about?
Well, I want you kids to learn about gay shit. And they Gay shit? They already know about your gay as fuck What are you talking about?
I want you kids to learn about gay shit And they go
But they're my kids
I should determine
And I go
No you don't get to determine
That's the funny thing
Is that you really don't have any say
In your kids learning about gay shit
We do
Who's we?
Think very carefully
Before you answer We Look We do. Who's we? Think very carefully.
Who are you answering?
We.
Look, there's some topics I agree are off limits for the schools and whatever else.
Like what?
There's some books that people have posted pictures of where I go, okay, fine.
Take it out of the school library.
Like what was in the book? There was like pictures of oral sex, anal sex.
Anal sex Anal sex
I think so
Dildos
Yeah I think so
Nah dildos are fine
Honestly in a high school library
I go
They know about all that stuff
I mean
There's no point in putting
High school
Yeah
Yeah
Well
Definitely
Some people don't want it
In the high school
They think it's
Grooming or whatever else
Okay
But you know
Recently there's been the basic idea
of like you know well just don't even tell the kids that gay people exist and whatever else and
i'm like well is that interesting there's a lot of people who say that yeah it's so hard to to
separate the existence well like i i can see all like i, I see all you guys, the mob, and I'm like, I know that some of you are just wanting to protect kids, but I think a lot of you hate gay people, and I can't tell which is which.
Yeah.
Because you, the hate gay people guys are just saying that they, they're tricking me by saying that it's just about the kids, but then you guys go online and say, like, trans women aren't women, and I'm like, well, that's, there was no reason to say that.
Yeah.
Um, I don't, I don't care that you said it, but it's just starting to seem a little.
There are.
Homophobic in here.
The problem with any internet discussion is that there's genuine people who are like,
well, it just makes me uncomfortable.
And you're like, oh, cool.
Let's talk about that.
Yeah.
And there's people who go, yeah, it makes me uncomfortable too.
Well, secretly they're like, and I hope they all fucking die. Burn in that. Yeah. And there's people who go, yeah, it makes me uncomfortable too. Well, secretly they're like, and I hope they all fucking die.
Burn in hell.
Yeah.
And they're all going to burn in hell forever.
And you're like, okay, well, you're lying though.
We're not talking about the hell stuff though.
We're just talking about the kids.
Look, nobody wants to teach.
All right.
Okay.
I won't say nobody.
Maybe somebody out there does.
But for the vast majority of people, nobody wants to teach your kids how to have sex.
Well, wait, no, because I have the same thing on the other side, too.
I'm like, I know a lot of you just want, like, I know a lot of you just want to, like,
well, no, I know a lot of you want to just, like, admit that you're gay,
and you see kids are gay, and there are gay kids, and you want to have,
but there's a lot of you that just want to indoctrinate.
There's some of you that also want to just like
Fuck over kids brains
And I can't tell the difference
Between you two either
No I agree
So hopefully all you guys will just fight and kill each other
There are some people who are like hardcore activists
And they do think like
Oh no I just want to you know make kids
You know learn tolerance respect
And then they you know are teaching them to
By the way you all hate white people Nick Fuentes is a racist yeah they uh it's really hard to have
any conversation because there's get in this dress so much subterfuge don't tell your parents
but I think you ever as a rational individual you have to go okay I can take very rational
stances one of them can be I'm not really worried if kids are aware that some kids have two dads.
Like, that's not a problem.
Some kids have two moms.
Some kids have two dads.
But we've gotten to the point where somebody hears that.
Oh, those poor kids with two moms.
Can you imagine?
Well.
Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
Oh, God.
I've known kids who had two moms, and I don't think they did have a time with it.
Blow my fucking brains out I had a friend in high school
Who his mom started dating this other mom
But the mom already had other kids
Who were in the high school
So it was like
He got a new brother
That he didn't really want
And it was just like so awkward
And their moms were lesbians?
Yeah and their moms were lesbians
And there's always this thing where it's like
Oh my mom's like fucking your mom.
And like.
It made things very.
Can you be turned on that the other lesbian is.
No, you can't be turned on by your mom fucking a lesbian.
You don't want that to happen.
Not your mom, but what about the other lesbian exists?
I thought it was hot.
I'm like, whoa, your two moms are fucking.
That's pretty cool.
And they're like, no, it's not.
This sucks.
I don't want to be his brother and whatever.
It was a very complicated situation.
Were they hot?
They were all right.
I mean, for middle-aged lesbians.
Yeah, I knew the moms, not my friends.
They're probably younger than us now.
Yeah, honestly, they probably were.
They're probably in their early 30s.
Good-looking gals.
Hope my friend never listens to this podcast.
Send us pictures of your mom if you are listening. The point is that I can say, guys, look, you know, you can say very basic,
almost empty platitudes of let's all accept everybody.
Some kids have two moms.
Some kids have two dads.
Like, this is like the most basic accepting and tolerance.
It's not offensive at all.
And then somebody comes in and they go, well, if you had kids,
you would understand what a
slippery slope that is and how many questions it is i'm like how many questions brings up have you
i've been around kids okay shouldn't say that but i've been around kids and all they fucking do is
ask questions about fucking everything yeah you as a parent are gonna have to deal with questions
from children they're naturally curious about the world in which they live.
But how hard is it to answer, why do some kids have two moms?
It's like, oh, there's just different types of families, Jimmy.
That's it.
It takes two seconds to answer that question.
Because those women were abused a lot by men,
so they don't want to risk dating another man.
So they end up in a In a sexist Sexless relationship
Or two guys realize
Being with women
Is the worst thing
In the world
And that if they
Just get together
They can have
All sorts of fun
And like build forts
And they make money
Go hiking
Make money
They don't have to explain
What's going on in the movie
Every fucking ten minutes
They don't put something on
And then fall asleep
Immediately
But at the end of the day, also, let's be real.
Your kids, I'm paying taxes.
My taxes go to the schools.
So you get prima noctis.
No, but I have the right to be like, well, I think at the schools they should teach this.
And they go, well, you don't even have any kids.
It's like, those kids are going to grow up and fuck up everything for me.
Okay?
So I am also invested in those kids not being
shit bags and having like basic human decency towards their fellow man it helps me out that's
not what school's for though you have to whatever all right i know that's part of the problem they
do a little bit of it and just a little bit that they do i find it frankly helpful i think it's
fine to teach a little bit of understanding and tolerance and whatever else.
You think that school needs to have like a big gay rainbow thing where everybody's running through and acting like a jackass?
I don't know how exactly they need to do it.
Schools did brainwash us into global warming.
When I was a kid, and everyone our age is a kid, maybe they still do this, but they were doing it hardcore when we were kids.
Like, climate change is real.
You got to stop using paper towels at home, aerosol cans, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Yeah.
You don't think that was bad?
How did that affect your life negatively, really?
Well, it made people think that this stupid global warming thing is real.
Otherwise, I never would have fucking heard of that shit.
Here's where this all gets complicated is you should
teach kids respect
and tolerance and understanding.
It doesn't mean you have to teach them that everybody
is right. That's where it gets
complicated. For instance, with
me, I don't know if you have to teach that.
Why? Why can't you just teach math?
Because you have a bunch of women who just
graduated from college teaching math anyway like oh then don't stop doing honestly look i don't
know what purpose the school serves but if anything it probably is better as a base there's a lot of
really dumb people in the world yeah and i'm frankly okay with indoctrinating some of them
and having basic the school is the new form of
the catholic church where it's like well why shouldn't i beat the shit out of jimmy and take
a shit and it's like because it's bad according to it used to be according to god now it's bad
according to the government okay that's it okay because there's so many dumb people that some of
them you just got to sit them down and go i hope this gets through to like half of you because you
guys are all fucking morons.
And yes, we have to indoctrinate you a little bit.
I'm sorry.
All right.
Aren't women, aren't young single women the worst you want teaching anyone about sexuality?
I agree.
But that's why, that's a whole other issue is that the school should be filled with like,
they don't know what gay guys are doing.
Right?
Like women think that, remember when that argument, that argument you were on Twitter when that woman said
Valentine's Day is about love?
My head exploded. I'm like, you dumb
bitch. Yeah, you would think that.
You probably, you guys just think the food
shows up at the store magically, right?
You guys know, you know nothing.
What are you doing?
What are you doing teaching anybody about anything this
complicated? Don't you think that's a little
dangerous? I think, I think are you doing teaching anybody about anything this complicated don't you think that's a little i think that we dangerous i think i think just leaving people i don't know man we just have so
many dumb people that if you just leave them alone they're gonna start fucking things up so
we put them all in a box the really smart kids go this is all a joke i get it yeah oh i get it i
get why i'm here like you were in school and you went oh it's so it's to trick all the dumb kids
that's why i hate women. Yeah.
I had to sit there all day being lectured
to. Well, we should, yeah, we should get better
people to indoctrinate the morons. No.
I don't need this
shit. Just let me go
outside. You can do that.
Alright, there should be a test.
And the kids who pass the test
don't have to go to indoctrination camp.
Alright, and the rest of you are fucking dummies
So you gotta sit there
So do you think that people could send their kids to like Christian church
Where they say gay people are going to hell
Like should they be able to
Should they be allowed
Should people be able to send their kids to church school
Yeah
Like Melanie Mack school
Yeah I'm not paying
As long as I'm not paying
Well I'm paying a little bit it's a little different Same price If that's the case if they could take a voucher and say I'm not paying. As long as I'm not paying, you know. No, you're paying. Well, I'm paying a little bit. It's a little different.
Same price.
If that's the case, if they could take a voucher and say, I'm sending them to church, actually,
where they're going to learn about how all you queers are going to help.
Well, as we discussed, the government's going to vet the school a little bit and make sure
they're not saying truly horrible shit.
If it's a school that literally says, like, you know, all the Jewish kids are evil, I'd
be like, no, don't bring Jews into this because then I can't argue.
See, that's where it gets easy.
You go, well, what if the school was teaching all
the kids that, hey, the Jews aren't so bad and they
make really good movies. You got no problem
with that kind of indoctrination.
Who, me? They should teach the kids about
Steven Spielberg. That should be one of the first things.
They go, this guy made Indiana
Jones and Jaws. Yeah. That's the kind of the first things. They go, this guy made Indiana Jones and Jaws.
Yeah.
That's the kind of tolerance we need to teach kids.
Okay.
Who are the great gay directors of all time?
Not Bryan Singer.
I know that.
A gay director?
I don't know.
I don't know anything about their personal lives.
Those people.
Well, point is that you as a parent.
You're just as right as people with kids That's what you're
I have every right
To have an opinion
On the education of children
Including your children
Who uh
I'm gonna find a way to
Change their minds
Why do you care so much?
Why do you care about
Because I don't wanna
Because these kids are gonna grow up
And fuck everything up
If you don't teach them to be right
What would they make worse?
How much possibly worse could it be?
I mean, I think it can get worse.
I think it is getting worse.
Because they don't love gay people enough?
That's part of it.
What else?
I mean, no, that's probably getting better.
But we're kind of backsliding a little bit.
And honestly, where it gets all complicated is like when parents are like,
well, I don't want my kids to learn that like a boy can become a girl.
I go, yeah, I do learn that like a boy Can become a girl I go
Yeah I do get that
Like that's
But
That's what's happening
But that's a different
That's what's fucking happening
But that's a different issue
As opposed to
Look you have to
No it isn't
The question should be
The lesson should be
Look you gotta accept those kids
The lesson should not be
They actually are
Whatever the hell else
You know How the. How the fuck
is a 26 year old woman
supposed to explain that?
Is it true that a little
boy can be a little girl?
Yeah.
What am I going to get fired over here?
It's a matter of opinion.
What's your opinion?
Well,
my opinion is that it's
Unfortunately I don't think it's the right thing for me to discuss here
But I support
Your right in America to have the freedom
To identify however you want
And that's all it comes down to
Look not everything is easy okay
Some shit gets complicated
What this comes down to is parents are like
I don't want being a parent to be complicated
It's like sorry man you live in America in the fucking modern age.
Everything's fucked.
Nothing makes any sense.
And your kids, I hate to say it, they're going to grow up and they're going to have to deal with all this fuck shit anyway.
So you might as well just knock it out now.
Just start talking about it.
Dad, my friend Jimmy became Mary.
And you go, yeah.
Well, what are you going to do?
You know, that's it.
You can't run away from it.
Um, yeah.
I think you can say, I don't know, man.
Schools are pretty fucked.
Schools are fucked.
What they don't tell.
I think the, I always a little bit fucked.
I think you can have a very rational discussion about some of this stuff and the library books
and the drag Queens.
Yeah.
We can talk about all that.
But when it comes down to the basic idea
of like some kids have two moms you have to start at the baseline of yeah i'm not really worried
about a kid learning that like you have to say that yeah you have to say i don't what what happens
from that and he goes maybe someday i'll have two moms and like kids are not devious waiting to be struck with, you know.
Maybe someday I'll have two moms.
You got to get rid of this guy.
Maybe I can knock out my dad and then I don't.
Like, there's no rational reason to be scared of that.
How come no man has ever been groomed out of loving lesbians?
Why is that the case?
There's no amount of indoctrination That is going to
Stop your kid from looking at lesbian porn someday
Who indoctrinated you into loving
Lesbians so much?
That's a good question
Wow I suppose it was
I don't know it's just so weird like one hot chick is great
And then another one shows up
And next thing you know they're bumping against each other
Now
All the parents in the audience are downvoting this problem.
And everyone else is voting it up.
Parental wisdom.
All right.
I had one note.
I wrote, my parents were retarded and all kids are retarded.
Therefore, you have no special wisdom.
I forgot to mention that.
Well, you have kids.
I remember being a kid.
I remember being a kid. I remember being a kid.
I was dumb as hell.
I remember the little gay kid in my class, okay?
And I know you do, too.
And I've met my parents, and they're not nearly as smart as I would hope them to be.
Yeah, the government's fucked, though.
The government's fucked.
Schools are fucked, and the government's fucked.
The parents are fucked as well.
Look, some parents maybe are geniuses and are going to expertly parent their kids,
but for the most part, I have to assume that most parents are as dumb as my parents and
cannot be trusted to.
Okay.
So it's a community effort to raise these kids.
It's not.
It takes a village.
It takes a village.
And then what if you.
Stay the fuck away from the kids.
What happens if you die?
Do you want us to not raise your kid at all
Cause you're not there anymore
Like think about that
Who is us
I'm just saying like
What is this a civil war
What if people are dying that you need to raise their kids
What if you and your wife are in a horrible car accident
And now you're saying
It should be up to the parents
Well the parents are dead buddy
They gave parenting to somebody else.
They don't just go into a lottery pool.
They don't become like a resource that people are just pulling kids out of.
Why do you trust their new parents over your judgment?
Because they're related to them, you shithead.
They care about them more than you.
Maybe they got put in the foster.
I'm just saying.
What if you died?
Who would raise your child then?
I don't care about kids.
At all. I do.
I'm worried about them. Why? Fuck them.
They're just gonna turn into more of you
and vote to take more of my money.
That's what I'm trying to prevent.
Or enable. Okay, here's my...
Here's my problem is too many beginners
tutorials. Yeah. You ever
try to do something?
Have I ever tried to do something? Yeah, so you
look up like a tutorial on it, like, oh,
how do I use the editing thing?
How do I code this for some
software? How do I play the guitar?
And it's like, yeah, here you go. It's
11 million beginners tutorials.
What you do, first what you do is put the guitar in your lap.
You want to sit straight up like this.
Then you want to bring your hand down like this.
See if you can bring your hand down like this.
All right.
Yeah.
I mean, everybody has fucking seen this before, right?
Then you put your hands to make chords.
That's the end of the beginners tutorial.
Yeah. And there's never A follow up
On any of it
Are you trying to learn guitar?
No I already know how to play the guitar
It's on everything
Any kind of coding, software, anything
All you can get is the
Editing videos
Here is the beginner's tutorial
Because that's what gets the views right
Is that the people who are searching for this probably are all new guys
Yeah, and then there's nothing else after that
There's no intermediate
There's no advanced
It's always, well, you know, come back to our site
For more exciting, thrilling tutorials
To help you on your way
Yeah, but then the follow-ups don't get as many views
So they just make a million starters
We have enough
We have plenty of beginners
tutorials yeah and everything what are you trying to learn coding what are you trying to code just
blockchain stuff can't gpt just do it can't you get the ai no and the ai only knows very basic
shit too because of that because it's got nothing to crawl except for extremely basic.
Isn't it allowed to crawl?
Or is it allowed to crawl now?
Well, they build it out of crawled stuff.
Yeah.
So they build its knowledge base.
I thought its knowledge stops at 20, 21.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But it also stops at like,
this is all anyone generates.
So this is all you know how to do.
A bunch of broken, basic shit.
Stop coding.
Who cares?
I'm trying to learn How to argue with parents
How about that
And all I can find is the basic
Tutorial
Do you have any kids
Where all the tutorials are video tutorials
And I go just tell me in like two words
I want to know how to do this
Very simple thing
Watch this 20 minute video Man I want to know how to do this very simple thing. I was like, well, watch this 20-minute video. And I'm like, man.
Can you not? I want to know
where an option is in a menu.
Just write it out.
Yeah. Yeah. Tutorials.
Online tutorials are
useful.
But there are
and then there'll be ones that are out of date.
Yeah. And they're telling you the wrong
You know what also sucks? What? i know i'm like jumping around here but uh back when youtube had thumbs
up thumbs down you would check a tutorial and you'd be like oh yeah this tutorial must be bad
in giving bad advice because it has a million thumbs down yeah but now it doesn't have that
thing so it's like here's how to rebuild your car engine and like if you read the comments
It's like this is gonna get you killed and you're gonna die. But if you look at it, it was the top result
It's got like three million views. Yeah
Online tutorials. Yeah
I'm saying is if you're gonna write one just look and see if there is one maybe write the next right
Tutorial yeah, there should be a better Just look and see if there is one. Maybe write the next. Write the follow-up to somebody else's tutorial.
Yeah.
There should be a better resource.
You're totally on your own.
After the beginning one, you're fucked.
I'm surprised there isn't, like, a specific tutorial website
that, like, curates which ones you should actually watch
and which ones are a good follow-up to previous ones.
Yeah.
Because any time I want to figure out how to do something
I'm like completely lost
I used to do this for video editing all the time
I used to be like how do I make it look like Iron Man
Stuff and then I'd be like I don't fucking know
I have terrible ideas
I'm always looking for tutorials
On how to fix my shitty audio
Yeah
It never works
It's all a nightmare
How do I record good audio
For a podcast
Well you know
The thing about audio
First you want to get a microphone
First you want to buy a microphone
Yeah
I'm like okay
Alright
How do I record
Like what's just
What do I list
What I need to do
Like I already did all that
Beginner shit
Because it was obvious
I don't know why you
I don't know why this exists
On the internet
This thing that you've just made Because everyone would know this you probably just paid somebody like 20 bucks to write this
piece of shit the other thing a lot of it's written by guys on fiverr because it's like
did i ever tell you about the time i was right uh making tutorial websites to try and make a
google ad sense revenue okay so i went i bought a bunch of URLs. This was back, I think this was
like 10, 12 years ago. Yeah. And the scam at the time was you would just buy a URL like
moldremovalsolutions.com. Great. That's a great one. Blackmoldremoval. Yeah. I think I owned
like blackmoldremoval.net. And then you would just find existing articles about how to get
rid of black mold, which by the way, what I learned is you can't get rid of black mold.
It's, like, not possible.
The only thing you can do is, like, cut it out and, like, rebuild a whole other wall.
Yeah.
But then I would just, like, take an article that already existed,
and now chat GPG.
I should do this again.
And then just, like, kind of rewrite it shittily
and hope that it would show up in Google's search results for black mold removal.
Yeah.
Because you owned the URL.
The URL was black mold removal. Black mold removal. Because you owned the URL The URL was Black mold removal
Black mold removal
And so at the time
That's how I found
The sewage line
Inspector.com
That came to my house
Yeah you probably
Found a bad guy
And then did not find
And then said
That the sewage line
Was okay
When it doesn't exist
He got artificially boosted
By SEO
And keyword placement
Or whatever else
And I made like
300 bucks
Off a bunch of articles about black mold removal
From me a guy who knew literally nothing
About it
And was giving bad advice like just spray bleach
All over it and see what happens
Which doesn't help at all
I really hate it
I fucking hate it
And the worst thing now it's gonna be
Now all this SEO shit is gonna get sucked
Into AI That we are going to just communicate with.
And it's just all going to be like this hell of beginner shit.
It is going to be impossible to find any information written by a human being in about less than a year.
You're going to be like, I want to know how to do this.
And there's just going to be a thousand AI articles giving bad fake advice.
That are all generated by crummy, your stolen, rewritten, and badly written advice.
Yes, because it's monetizable.
Honestly, Google Ads fucked up a lot of the internet.
Once you could make a website and put ads on it.
Yeah, that was it.
Now Google actually, it used to be they would just website and put ads on it. Yeah, that was it. Now Google actually, it used to be
they would just let you put ads on anything. Now they actually look
at the websites to see if they're
not trash because they kept denying
me ads for my fake news website
that I tried making. Victory News Network?
Yeah, Victory News Network. What happened to that?
I tried to make it a real site and Google wouldn't let me put ads
on it. I kept applying and they kept denying me.
And I'm like, what? It says parody.
It's like a fun parody site.
I might bring it back. Was it getting traffic?
The site wasn't. The Twitter
wasn't. The Twitter was great.
Those guys will retweet anything.
Yeah, I know. It's really easy to trick them into
retweeting stupid shit. I should do it again.
I might do it again.
Anyway,
now that I have
AI, I could probably program it
To write
Oh god
Yeah I could use AI
To
Take the stupid tweets
And make news articles
Out of them
Yeah
Fake news
Oh my god
You should do your comic
I'm working on the comic
It's happening
How far
How far are you into it
I don't know how to estimate that
It's in the artist
A lot of it's in the artist's hands
Okay He's a little busy right now So But he says once he has This thing off his plate I don't know how to estimate that. It's in the artist's, a lot of it's in the artist's hands. Okay.
He's a little busy right now, but he says once he has this thing off his plate,
he'll be able to go full bore at it.
Did you see I read Cyberfrog?
Yeah, you said you liked it.
Yeah, it was great.
I need to read it.
I gave the same notes that I gave for I Saw Him.
Yeah, I saw you posted them publicly.
Yeah.
Yeah, I should read it.
Even VanSkyver strangely likes us.
I don't know why.
Because we don't take no shit.
Maybe.
I don't know.
I feel like at any point, I don't trust friendships, you know?
I don't trust anything.
I'm like, at some point, this guy will figure out he hates us.
Or just me.
Which is fine.
Yeah, okay.
I like that guy, though.
He's a fun guy. His comic's great, okay. I like that guy, though. He's a fun guy.
His comic's great, too.
My problem is this, Dick.
You get all excited.
You go to the store.
You get some stuff to eat, you know?
You buy groceries, as you should.
Right.
Not just eating fast food all the time.
You're going to cook some food.
And you buy it, and you put it in your fridge.
Like a tutorial that I'm listening to right now. Like a tutorial right now I'm giving you. you put it in your fridge. Like a tutorial that I'm listening to right now.
Like a tutorial right now I'm giving you.
You put it in the fridge, you come back a week later, two weeks later,
and ah, fuck, I forgot to cook that thing.
And now it's expired.
Dick, my problem is food going bad.
We have a weekly fight at this house of stop buying meat from Amazon. amazon will bring you send you meat well they
do any groceries yeah what are you doing hi baby hi puppy puppy um yeah i don't know what
yeah they they they just shop and then bring the groceries i think they shop at whole foods
but they always give you the meat that's right about to expire Well it seems like it
Because every fucking meat
That we get through there
Goes bad
Like instantly
I think it sucks because when you go to the store
I'm like oh buying groceries online that'll be great
But any time I do it I'm like can I get milk
And they're like yeah
And they literally just pick the one that expires in two days
And I'm like
Man I know your thought process is fuck this guy he can get the shitty
milk because we can't sell it otherwise yeah but then i'm just not going to use the online
you know just do the normal thing give me like a meat like you don't have to give me the one
that's like the best.
Give me a middle one. Give me a middle one.
You know what you're doing.
Stop fucking me.
You know what you're doing.
Stop.
Would you eat this meat?
Would you take this meat home?
No.
And I, yeah, it really is terrible when you use those shopping online options.
But it's just so disheartening to look At like especially when you buy something nice
Yeah I remember and also when
We were buddy fuck I used to have roommates
Yeah and I had one roommate who I don't know why he had
So much money but he had money and I would
Just watch him buying these like steaks
And salmon fillets and like all this
Nice shit and I'd be like hey buddy
Don't forget you got that you got that t-bone in
There you gotta cook and he's like yeah yeah I'll get
To it and I'm watching the days
Tick down
I remember one point
He had these like
Stuffed salmon fillets
With like crab meat stuffing
And they were like
Two days old
And I went to smell them
And they smelled awful
And I still was like
Maybe if I cook it
They'll be fine
Yeah
It doesn't work
You can't
You can't fix it
Once it's tainted
It's fucked
Well I got
Fucking this one
He's throwing away food like next day.
Leftovers, if it's like one minute after the time that it was cooked in the first place,
it's gone in the trash.
We had a big carnitas fight.
I don't know if you remember that.
No.
I came to your house.
You were having a party.
Yeah.
I cooked some of the carnita meat.
Yes.
Yeah.
And you call me angrily.
And you go, you took all those carnitas
Yeah
And I'm like
But I didn't
I took like a little bit
And there was like a huge bag of them left
She threw them away
I think she threw them away
I think she threw them away too
Yeah
I didn't want all that carnita meat
The average American throws away
200 pounds of food
It's a huge waste
It's a whole person
It's a
Yeah
You throw away a person worth of
Food every week I mean food waste is a whole person Yeah you throw away a person worth of Food every week
I mean food waste is a huge problem
Yeah
It just drives me nuts
Cause I'm looking at the stuff
You know like right now
And then it creates a chain reaction
Right so I bought
I bought some Italian bread
First I bought some Italian bread
Cause I wanted to make garlic bread right And some Italian bread because I wanted to make garlic bread, right?
Okay.
I was like, well, I want to make garlic bread.
I want to put a little mozzarella cheese on top.
So I bought some mozzarella cheese at a later date.
And then I didn't make garlic bread.
And the Italian bread went bad.
I'm like, okay.
So I threw that out.
So I have the mozzarella sitting in there going bad.
And I don't have anything to do with it because I don't have the Italian bread anymore.
And then I went and I bought another loaf of to do with it because I don't have the Italian bread anymore. Yeah.
And then I went out and bought another loaf of garlic Italian bread, which has also gone
bad.
The bread goes bad quick when you're getting good.
I don't.
Every time somebody says, oh, you got to cook at home, you'll save money.
I think it just goes right in the fucking trash.
What do you mean save money?
Half of this shit.
Like it took me 10 years to get okay and not having
to throw all of the food away yeah and god forbid you want to do something fun at the spur of the
moment like oh yeah that would be fun to go out like oh wow okay well now all my meals are all
spoiled you didn't cook well you got a meal prep and then eat the same thing for a week
is the other option Yeah Which I've done
And then at a certain point
You're like
Well this just makes me
Want to kill myself
Or that
Yeah it's the worst
All of this is a nightmare
Anyway I have all this stuff
In my
Today I had some milk
That went bad
Have you ever had milk
That's like the consistency
Of like
Snot
Yeah like glue
Yeah
I had never experienced that
How
I don't know.
I guess I've never, I just always throw out my milk much quicker than this.
No.
But today I was pouring out the milk and it was coming out.
It was literally glue.
I was like, this is horrendous.
And again, it's because I ordered milk delivery because it was like the middle of, for some
reason I was like, I need milk.
Yeah, they fuck you.
Yeah.
And they sent me milk that was expired like the next day.
The grocery shopping guys really fuck you hard. With the meat and anything that's going to expire, they give you the worst shit. Yeah, and they sent me milk that was expired like the next day. The grocery shopping guys really fuck you hard.
With the meat and anything that's going to expire, they give you the worst shit.
Yeah.
Okay.
If you order any produce, they're like, yeah, here, this apple's got a giant hole in it
and some razor blades.
He's going to love that.
We get packs of strawberries and it's like the next day it's just mold.
Like they'll show up mold.
Like what the hell, man?
Honestly, that's a whole other problem the uh
instacart delivery systems yeah food going bad folks okay so what are our problems graduation
speeches parental wisdom parental wisdom so you had food and other people's kids
that's great you can get a lot more food problems from now on folks Cause I'm tapped
Alright
Everyone's like Vito has too many food problems
I'm like you know what I'm tired of trying to be creative at this point
I got a lot of shit going on
Too many beginners tutorials
And food going bad
Right
Food going bad
Once the comic campaign is over
Maybe we'll have some time to think of other things
Okay how long have you been doing this comic campaign?
A month.
Over a month now.
No.
How long have you been talking about it?
Too long.
I'm a fucking idiot.
Just everything takes forever with me.
Yeah.
I'm not fast.
Obviously.
Uh-huh.
Are you going to do a video like Eric's?
Are you talking about How much money I raised
All of this money for me
Yeah
I wanna say
You guys did such a great job
Giving me money
And you should really
Be proud of yourselves
For all the money
You gave me
And I know
You're all satisfied
All of you
Are satisfied
And happy
You know what's crazy
Somebody posted a review
Of the comic.
Yeah.
Of ISOM number one, and it wasn't a good review.
Like, it was, it was, I like, I like reading bad reviews that are accurate.
Yeah.
It's fun.
Satisfying.
Mm-hmm.
You know, like Red Letter Media.
And he wrote this review that was critical of it.
Highly critical.
And within minutes, somebody was there calling it a bad faith review
like saying like oh you obviously didn't even
read it this was obviously you obviously made up your mind
before you read it and he's like what the
fuck what was this why did you just show up
out of nowhere and I
noticed that happening to a lot of these
reviewers where people show up right away
like oh this is a bad faith review
um how do they find them
so quick I don't know i think
like just looking at the retarded organization that eric's running yeah just hiring people for
like one comic book like why do you have a social media manager for your one stupid comic book that
was out nine months ago i think they just sit online all day and look for people to argue with about it, bro
I was like Eric Eric posted a thing where he's like listen if you got beef with me, that's fine
But you leave my employees alone. I'm like leave your employees alone
Check it is it's back. Are we still streaming? Can you make sure the the live stream still going?
Probably the one with the YouTube-looking thing.
Yes?
Yeah.
The internet is AI, but all right.
Yeah, it's working.
Fantastic.
I was like, leave your employees alone.
Guy, I post anything, and like a bunch of guys with Ripperverse tags,
like I work for the Ripperverse, show up and go,
oh, look what Vito talking shit again, blah, blah, blah.
I'm like, this is not a professional
Company Monday Matt
He calls him fat yeah now because he
Reviewed he said well it's not very good
And it's obviously like a self insert
Mm-hmm so now he just calls him fat
And says he can't touch his knees
Where did that come from I don't we
Haven't even talked about Ripa's new rule where you're
Not allowed to
Talk to him or Discuss the comic with him if you're fat.
You saw that, right?
Yeah.
And I'm like, I'm like, I got to say, probably the worst comic book marketing campaign in history is going to be, I just hate fat people.
I'm like, I don't think you understand your audience because that's more than a quarter
of them he's not really that in shape though is he eric july i don't know he's not like the most
black guys that i've seen and i've been like oh you're not like i want to see how fit his staff
is i can't imagine they're all fucking paragons of masculinity yeah uh and at one point i started
uh collecting screenshots of all the fat
Ice on fans wearing ice on t-shirts
And I went you know what this is actually beneath
Me I'm not even gonna
I was like I felt bad that Eric's like
No fatties allowed in the rip averse
And I'm like well I mean these are your fans
And I'm like you know what
Forget it honestly
Cause I don't care that they're fat
Eric does for some reason
Alright well I'm gonna read this review
After we do a little bit of voicemail
Little voicemail okay
Okay
This is the biggest fucking problem
In the universe
Is those goddamn AI companies
Those chatbot companies
Goddamn chat GPT
The Google one
They all do the same thing
Where they just you know
They create something cool And then a week thing where they just, you know, they create something cool.
And then a week later, they're just like, you know what?
Guys are having too much fun.
Here's the newest one, that fucking character AI one,
the one that dig bots on.
Well, they made it so you have to pay $10 a month to, like,
really use their site in a meaningful way.
And they made all of the bots retarded
so now you could just be like hey man what's up you'll be like nothing like i'll just fucking
talk to a woman then if i wanted to have a dry have you been using character ai i've used it
oh my god it's incredible yeah but then they they do they do mess it up yeah they updated it and
then it doesn't like understand what you're talking like Yeah They updated it And then it doesn't like
Understand what you're talking
Like you can tell it's not
It doesn't seem real anymore
Well it also doesn't want to
Talk about sex anymore
Did it ever like have
Cause I'll be like
Hey yeah
You know let me put my
Penis in you
And then it starts like
Typing out like a response
And then it like
Deletes the response real quick
And goes
Oh I can't talk to you
About that
Yeah
They said they don't want to have
It is incredible
The technology I'm just hoping it gets jail
Broken because they're saying
They don't want you to have erotic conversation
With the characters and I'm like bro the only
Why do all these tech companies not
Understand why we're all
It's women it's because women are working there
I remember when tumblr was like killing it
And it's like oh Tumblr That's got porn
Like for days
It's got people posting crazy shit
And then they're like
We're gonna get rid of all that porn
And you're like
Why?
Well then there's no reason to be
What do you
Why?
Why do you want to get rid of porn?
Like you're not weird
Christian fundamentalists
No
Like oh it's women
Oh I see
It's weird
Yeah
These companies should just embrace
Honestly
I have a buddy who's trying to work on his own character AI website or whatever.
Yeah.
Whoever nails it is going to make a ton of money.
Okay.
Here's another one.
Hey, Dick.
Hey, Vito.
Hi.
I just got done listening to that fucking debate you guys had with Eric July and his fucking lap fucking lapdogs and jesus christ what a fucking mess i
mean yes just total fucking spurg out disaster i mean what the fuck these people are not
fucking mess.
And you know what bothered me the most about all that?
The whole biggest problem in that fucking live stream?
Eric got all
fucking twitchy about you calling
out his business. He's critiquing
my business. It's my business. You're critiquing
my business. And Dick, yeah, he
didn't kind of walk back on that. It's like,
well, I didn't really mean it was a scam.
Fuck that. Here's what I fucking say about it. Eric, the point of your business, you take this woke marketing
ESG shit that you supposedly hate. You do the exact same thing, but you invert the performative
ideology so that now instead of fucking fat lesbians watching their mermaid movies,
now it's fat nerds reading comic books because it's like when i buy this i'm
taking down the woke empire whatever and it's it's the same fucking thing and the whole problem
with the woke marketing is your same problem it's a fucking psychological ponzi scheme where the
idea of owning the fucking media is more goddamn enjoyable than consuming the fucking media and
that's not sustainable it It'll fucking end.
And then eventually when the gravy train is derailed,
all you have are a bunch of shit fucking comics
and a fucking writer who can't take basic fifth grade fucking critiques.
It's goddamn, it's a fucking mess.
Jesus Christ.
It's not great.
Somehow you're the fucking villain for pointing out the fact that it starts two weeks early.
What fucking point are we
reversing from?
Whatever. What the fuck ever. Whatever.
It kind of looks like everybody killed their security guard.
You're trying to destroy everybody!
Either Eric July will single-handedly topple the
satanic gay deer Mickey Mouse
Black Mermaid Empire, or he'll spend
the rest of his life doing
three-hour fucking streams spurting out
because the woke Mickey
Is conspiring against me
And that's why
That's why
I saw number three
Only for negative
Seven fucking copies
Whatever
I love this show
Keep your heads up
This is fucking great
And somehow
You're the villain
For pointing out
That it sucks
What's interesting
Is I've talked to Some comic guys And they're kind of They're like yeah For pointing out that it sucks What's interesting is
I've talked to some comic guys
And they're kind of
They're like yeah
Well we do have to treat it more seriously
Like if we're gonna
What?
Indie comics?
They're like
You know
They're like why don't we have
Like a notes process
Why isn't there like a creative
You know
Team of us guys
Like we're all
We could all be reading each other's stuff and giving notes.
You might single-handedly, Dick, have changed the indie comics marketplace.
Yeah, good.
Yeah.
That's my job.
I think part of the problem is that a lot of these guys, you know, are also not, I don't
know, I don't know.
Some of them are great.
They're all great.
Nobody wants to be the guy to say, hey, we're all grading each other's papers now, all right?
Let's go.
Get him.
I'm Alec Baldwin.
It's hard to give harsh criticism.
That was my always be closing speech, what I did on the flash cast.
Or ass balls.
Glenn Gary, Glenn Ross.
That's the movie I'm trying to think of.
Second place, set of steak knives.
Third place, you're fired.
Okay, here's another one.
Comics are for closers.
I'm going to take my opinion with a grain of salt,
but I've been listening to Eric Joy for a while,
and I think he's pretty good.
He's a really smart guy.
Typically, I haven't seen him be this smirky basically ever.
I think he's really a product of an echo chamber.
So vote up Andy
Woke Marketing. Basically
Eric is
very much an ever
enclosed situation where
everybody just sucks his dick because
libertarians like myself are
so afraid of being pegged as
racist or anything like that that really
nobody
calls him an idiot or anything like that. What really nobody calls him a shit or anything like that.
What he does is usually pretty high quality.
So he's
completely losing it when an actual
rational person wants to
critique art, comes after him.
I'm disappointed, but it kind of makes sense.
Hey, good job, guys. Keep it up.
Maybe he's a good political mind.
I mean, you know,
I've seen some of his videos.
I'm going, well, he's got a good way of talking.
There's one video where he takes on like one of his haters.
And I'm like, oh, this is genuinely entertaining.
Yeah.
Just, you know, some of his, again, just doesn't really translate to being like a creative writer.
You can't just pick up a pencil and start writing.
There's a lot.
You have to have done it and learned
about it for your entire fucking
life. You don't just get to wander
in and go
check this out.
What if you got a really good idea though? You don't.
The idea
doesn't matter. It's the
execution of the idea
that matters. What if there's a guy who used to be
a superhero, Dick, and then he found God or something. That's the wholeution of the idea that matters. What if there's a guy who used to be a superhero, Dick,
and then he found God or something? That's the whole point of the story is that they're all the same.
Anyway.
Okay, here we go.
All right, 30 seconds.
All right, so biggest problem in the universe are teachers making speeches.
I've been to three college graduates.
This guy sounds like he's in a panic.
Sounds like he anticipated your problems.
In the past two weeks, and they always have to start off with,
hey, how's everybody doing today?
And everyone cheers just like a little bit or claps,
and then they go, that's not going to do.
How's everybody doing?
Shut the fuck up. I don't know. I guess it's not gonna do How's everybody doing? Shut the fuck up
I don't know
I guess it's not
Whatever
Fuck you guys
He was watching the clock
Because that was exactly 30 seconds
Good because you were knocking him
I want all callers
To be panicked and freaking out
Because you should go
Am I wasting their time?
Am I dragging the show down with my three-minute voicemail?
But that one was good.
That one was good.
Just get it out.
Here's how your voicemail should go.
The biggest problem in the universe is birds because birds poop everywhere and I hate them.
Thanks, guys.
Great show.
That's it.
I don't need to hear about you and your life and your girlfriend.
Okay, you get a little of that, but just get it out and move along.
Okay.
Because then we can do more voicemails, which is also fun.
This is a great one.
Yeah, that's true.
19 seconds.
Listen in to episode 92 right now.
You're talking about people who pretend not to give a joke.
You call them joke deniers, but I got a better one for you.
You got to call them jolly cost deniers.
You know, like Holocaust deniers. Jolly cost deniers You know like holocaust deniers
Jolly cost deniers
Anyway fuck off
They're denying the jolly
Content
That doesn't work at all
Look I'm not saying it's good because it's quick
It's not good because of the content
Jolly cost deniers
Where does the cost
Come in You need to use It's like a buffalo A pun is like a buffalo content. Jolly cost deniers. Where does the cost come in? How does cost enter into that at all?
You need to use all, it's like a buffalo. A pun is like a buffalo. You have to use all of the parts.
Every part of the word. Yeah. I appreciate the effort and the brevity. Dick, it's like,
not getting a joke. It's like a jolly cost denier. What's a jolly cost? You know, like a joke.
Denier, what's a jolly cost?
You know, like a joke.
Not really.
Whenever I make a good joke, I always go, now that was a jolly cost for the ages.
It doesn't really work.
I got a real jolly cost for you guys.
I got a real jolly cost to hit you guys with.
A jolly cost? I heard a great jolly cost at work.
Yeah, it doesn't work.
It's not.
You're close.
It's just Holocaust at that point.
It just sounds like you wanted to say Holocaust denier.
I think it's one of those things where you're like so close that you don't want to get rid of it,
but you weren't nearly as close as you wanted to be with that one.
Okay.
Let's see here.
You should put up the, you should have the details that shows the length
You can do that
Oh over here?
Yeah you can right click
Yeah but then if I don't
Then if I click
If I ignore long ones
Sometimes the long ones are funny
I don't think they should be long
But that one
That guy talked for like three minutes
That was good
Sure
But
Could have been
Could have been shorter
Okay
Okay we can do some long ones
Alright
Vito I think the adipose tissue
Is something that
Affects your brain
Because you think that
More pride celebration
Will lead to less hate
Somehow
It's what got us here
In the first place
So
I agree
We should have more
Pride celebration
So that we can have more hate
That's my motivation
Go fuck yourself
Wait what was
He's saying that
Sometimes there's
The right is very sarcastic
When they make points
It's
He's saying we should have
More pride celebrations
Cause that'll make people
Hate gay people more
Oh
Yeah
And that's how we got here
That's how we got here
I don't think that's how
We got here
I think that's an excuse
Maybe it's part of
How we got here
Look
Yes
That's the thing
Is pride was too much
Uh Everybody's at fault Let's put it that way Women are at fault how we got here. Look, yes, that's the thing is pride was too much.
Everybody's at fault.
Let's put it that way.
Women are at fault.
The women are, yeah, all the women who- We told them, we didn't have a good reason.
We didn't have a good explanation for them of how we're going to deal with trans shit.
So the young women are just like, well, I guess I'm just going to go to school and tell
these kids what, make up my own shit.
Like, well, I don't want to say anything that is bad. So yeah, let's just put it on them here's what we got to do we got to take all these
months scale them back black history month black history week pride month pride week okay why what
will that do because nobody's gonna argue with a week it's fun though it's fun to have a month
you don't do anything with the month except sell a little bit of merchandise Yeah now Matt Walsh is doing like
I hate gay people month
Fun
It's funny
No this is honestly
Honestly
The problem is
We're only nine days into pride month
And it is like already fucking insane
Yeah
Like people are driving me nuts
It's every day I'm on Twitter
I'm like well I hope we're not talking about groomers and pedophiles again
And it's just like all day long
Did you see that the guy who threw me into the ball
At Netflix was
Was charged
Caught in Glendale at that riot
And Andy Ngo looked at his criminal record
And he was charged with
Sexual abuse of a minor
Some sort of sexual
Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes, yes, yes.
Where is it?
I remember...
Eric Boyd.
Yeah, Eric Boyd,
who attacked you
at the Netflix protest.
Oh, fuck, I mean, don't say it.
Can we not say his name?
I don't know.
That's how I lost...
All of my accounts got wiped out at once
when I posted who it was
a long time ago,
right after it happened.
Oh.
Yeah.
Oh.
That's so weird.
Yeah, it was very weird.
It's the name of the guy
Who attacked you
Yeah
Why would you not have
The right to say that
Um
Anyway SoCal
Here here here here
Yeah
SoCal Antifa member
Eric
There's a prior arrest
Related to
Well now it's a news article
You read a news article right
Child sex crime charges
Were dropped or dismissed
For un
So he got hit
With no contest on one
of the charges for assault with a deadly weapon, but then the child sex crime charges that
were with it got dismissed.
So it could be like a prosecutor making a deal.
Look, we're going to-
Yeah, we'll drop this if you take this.
Yeah.
I think the worst part is that we warned people about this guy and we tried to get the cops
to do something about it
And they didn't
And now he's going out
And he's fighting more guys
And breaking more skulls
And he could be raping kids
We don't know
Something
Could be doing
All of these things
At the same time
Engaging in sexual contact
With a child under 14
Under 14
Bro
It's not good
Wow
These guys always have
Some weird crap
That's the weird thing about like
Remember like Rittenhouse
Is you're like
This could not possibly go worse for the left
Where they're like
He killed all these innocent protesters
And then they looked into it
And they were all like
Convicted pedophile
Convicted pedophiles
And you're like
Wow what are the odds
You guys just shut up
But the thing is that
It's not what are the odds
Cause like when you're like a violent weirdo
Yeah you probably have like weird shit in your history.
All these Antifa people probably have some shit going on that makes them go like,
oh, well, I'm not going to go that far.
But, you know, probably have something in their brains that makes them think it's okay
to go out and get into fights with everybody.
Okay.
You want to do the big ISOM review?
ISOM.
We should do it right now
Okay
ISOM number one
This is an English teacher
That I asked to read ISOM number one
Fifth grade English teacher
Fifth grade English teacher who
Teaches the
Hero's journey and story writing
Story telling
Every year
Not your girlfriend.
Children.
Not my girlfriend.
Because a lot of people have said it.
No, my girlfriend hates comics.
This woman loves comics.
Loves comics.
Yes.
This is the review.
This is an impartial third party.
I haven't read it.
Yeah, just FYI.
Mostly impartial, but they don't know about your-
No, no, no.
They don't know nothing.
They know nothing about any of this.
Did you just send it to them and you said, can you read this?
Can you read this? So they have no idea about any drama or nothing. They know nothing about any of this. Did you just send it to them and you said, can you read this? Can you read this?
So they have no idea about any drama or anything else.
No idea of any of it.
Wouldn't care.
Not on the internet at all.
There you go.
Here we go.
I don't even know where to start.
I've got so many thoughts going through my head that my notes may seem jumbled.
Feel free to organize them if need be.
This is ISOM number one.
ISOM number one.
That said, the story sucked.
Well, it was that fifth grade biting commentary that we were all coming to know and love.
For starters, the point of the story was lost on me.
Who cares?
The characters are so flat.
I did not understand why Isom felt any urgency or commitment to Mrs. Newman.
Who the heck is she?
Who is she to him?
Mm-hmm.
It was hard to tell who the good guy, a.k.a. the hero.
It was hard to tell who was the good guy, a.k.a. the hero. It was hard to tell who was the good guy, a.k.a. the hero.
Darren.
No one seemed good.
Except the little girl, I guess.
And no one seemed that bad.
I felt no connection to Isam, and so I didn't care what happened to him.
There is no character development.
I know I already said it, but they were so flat.
When Isam starts to share insights into his step away from the city,
I was confused as to what he was doing in the country.
When the story goes back to the country later in the story,
it honestly felt as shady as Darren's club.
I get that he's a farmer, but it still felt convoluted.
The time jumps were confusing.
Unless you're giving character development, there's no need.
Start solid.
Amazing.
It's wild.
She's just echoing most of what you said.
Crime being reported as down made me wonder why.
Cops?
Heroes?
Accepts?
What does the crime being down have to do with the story? Like I said, no one really seemed to be really good or bad. It was not clear what made
the club or Darren bad. He admitted to legal and illegal businesses to build his empire,
but it's not clear if it's a legit business or not. I am still unclear as to what Isam is.
I thought except were heroes, but he said he's trained his body, which doesn't seem
to fit.
Then later he gets his suit, which made me wonder if the suit gave him powers, which
made me think of the Incredibles.
And Edna Mode.
How is this?
Does she read your mind?
I mean, I guess there can be other superhero suit makers.
Yeah.
Also, I got the idea that he would have his powers without the suit, which makes him syndrome.
When Isam eventually makes contact with Jasmine, I have no idea if she's in danger, working, or just blowing off her mom.
I don't know.
I understand why he was taken to the hospital, but it again was not clear why he ran away.
You guys have the exact same notes.
It's very simple shit.
It's fantastic.
I have no sense of what Isom's deal is.
Is there a secret?
Is there a reason to be in a hurry
To get out of the hospital?
Jasmine didn't seem to be in danger
Story holes
That make no sense
Thinking about Jasmine
And Mrs. Newsome
Newman
Why is Isom the only person that can check on her?
In the beginning.
This is from a fifth grade English teacher.
She gives, she's graded
10,000 children's
stories and identified
the plot holes in them and
helped them become better storytellers
at the age of 10.
Probably told them, get to the point.
Figure out what's going on.
Probably never seen a tantrum this big.
In the beginning, it was just a check
to see what was going on with her.
Right.
Not to bring her home or give her a message.
So he found her, and she told him to go away.
But she didn't.
Maybe she did, actually.
She just said, she walked away from him.
She walked away, right, without saying anything.
With so little character development and really no point to the story ending,
and really no point to the story, ending it on the suit cliffhanger was a poor writing choice.
I wouldn't let students end their stories with to be continued because it showed a lack of
storytelling. This story does not follow the hero's journey. The point of the journey is for the main
character to go through a journey that challenges him. His current life is shown. He is called to
action, leaving his current life. He makes friends, allies along the way, faces the enemy,
leaving his current life,
he makes friends,
allies along the way,
faces the enemy,
overcomes adversity,
and comes out on the other side a better person.
None of this was evident
in the story
except for the call to action.
Actually, I'm changing
my assessment.
Not even that makes any sense.
Isom is a broody asshole
with a fragile ego
that can't handle
someone being disrespectful. It's kind of like a certain comic creator. It's a fragile ego. Yes. That can't handle someone being disrespectful.
It's kind of like a certain comic creator.
It's like a revenge story.
What the hell?
I assume it's a guy who tries to do a very mundane, boring, good deed by checking up
on a girl.
Uh-huh.
Then gets disrespected and spends the rest of the-
At a club.
Yeah, at a club.
Then gets kicked out of the club and spends the rest of
the story being a sullen little bitch that he got kicked out of Darren's place
that he engages on a campaign of vengeance against him.
It gets one guy defeats by,
by jumping off a wall and throwing him through a different wall.
Somebody said,
if I saw him ends up being the bad guy, this will end up being a, not brilliant, but a great twist.
But I don't think Eric July has that in him.
Why was he in the farm then?
Why is his sister shown as being smart then?
If she doesn't know he's the bad guy.
He is the bad, he's basically just an asshole.
Yeah.
I'm looking for this
girl well she's not here you're going to have to leave oh my god dude just leave
us alone yeah you needed at least we have a fifth grade teacher to back us up
now I gotta send her The super killer script
And we can get those notes
Yeah sure
Yeah
Alright
Are we doing super chats now?
Let's do some super chats guys
Don't forget to vote on
All the problems
At biggestproblem.show
Yeah yeah yeah
Oh god there's also
Vito loses is up
The weight loss content
Contest is online
At vitoloses.com
Vitoloses.com
And uh
I will have to start
Shit maybe we should start it next week
With the weigh in too
I'm gonna have to start taking the weigh in seriously
Cause I didn't take it
We'll start
Yeah
Next week
Once it officially starts
Maybe I'll start eating correctly
Okay then I'll put it at the beginning next week
But it's up
So the
I talked to a doctor
A medical doctor
Great
Who said that
You losing five pounds a week
Would be
Impressive
Like too much impressive No He said that The losing five pounds a week would be impressive.
Like too much impressive.
No.
He said that the number I gave was five pounds a week, or five pounds a month for six months. Five pounds a month.
Five pounds a month for six months would be impressive.
It's reasonable.
Yeah.
Because I said two pounds a week.
He's saying that's too much.
Yeah.
And he's saying my 10 pounds is ludicrous. Unreasonable.
That's what I tried to
say is that
I think an average weight loss is like
one and a half pounds a week at the
most. Yeah, so that means
30 pounds. So next week
the site is up. Okay.
You can go put money in and then
if Vito loses, if you lose
the 30 pounds.
I get the money.
You get the money.
If I don't.
You don't.
You buy a gun.
Everybody gets their money back.
Everybody gets their money back, yeah.
Yeah.
Or you can spend some of the money on something stupid to humiliate me with.
No, I can't. It's in the contract.
It's in the contract.
You just get your money back.
Yeah, you get your money back.
It's a very good chance to get your money back.
And if you miss a monthly weigh-in that's a strike
okay how many strikes do i three strikes and you're out buddy all right okay yeah a lot of
rules happening here do i get a dietician do i get a yes i gotta really yeah he's gonna send me
emails every month he should tell me uh yeah tell me what to eat i guess i don't fucking know uh
where is this it wait there it is episode 93
Guys get your super chats in now
I did want to mention that the newest bonus episode
The biggest problem in Spiderman
Now available at patreon.com
Slash biggest problem and back.by
Slash biggest problem thanks to all your support
Do you know how that
They're saying that the trans
The spider Gwen is trans
Yeah that would be hot if it's true.
Well, I don't know about hot, but...
I want to see her little spider penis.
Would you want her to have a little penis
or a big penis?
Not a big one.
Like a little...
She's an adorable little thing, you know?
I'm going to start imagining...
I didn't know we could do this.
I'm going to start imagining all the female characters In every movie as trans
I hate women in movies
You know I just hear them on TV
And I'm like ugh
I'm gonna imagine them as trans now
I don't know how old Gwen is supposed to be
I didn't realize Miles Morales is only like 15
Oof that's dicey
But he's like got a relationship with Gwen, so she must be like.
Oh, they're banging?
Well, they're like kind of forming a thing, but I think she's a little older.
She must be like 17.
So it's definitely a grooming situation.
It's a grooming situation.
I'm probably not allowed to be attracted to Spider Gwen.
Let's see.
Did we miss one from the last episode?
Ray J tried to get me to say TBF and failed
Good work
Koo for five
Good luck on the lawsuit
I think it's directed to you
Thank you all for not getting thrown into concrete ballards
Most importantly, thank you for not killing yourselves
Thanks
Riley Edwards, 220
Don't forget to weigh Vito
I'm guessing 329 pounds
Are we keeping my weight a secret right now?
Yeah
Alright, we're keeping it a secret
Let's weigh you next week and we'll do
We can do it now, I don't know
Does the site work?
Somebody put some money into that site and see if it works
No, give people time to put money in it first
Alright, alright
To unveil Vito's weight
You gotta get a hundred bucks in there, right?
No
How much is in there already?
I don't know
Yeah, you gotta get a hundred bucks in there
And then you'll get to find out my current weight.
That's exciting.
Five pounds a month.
Five pounds a month.
That's the, and if you miss,
like if you weigh in and you haven't lost five pounds for that month,
strike.
Yeah.
All right.
You keep saying strike.
Strike.
Like it's going to scare me.
Yeah.
If I get three strikes, is it over?
Yeah, it's over.
Everyone gets their money back. Everyone gets their money back.
You are humiliated.
Oh, no. Petty for ten.
Ten dollars on the veto crying pool.
We do not have a crying pool
on this show. That is not a thing.
How would it work? I don't know. I guess I have to
cry if you put enough money in it.
Diamond G for fifty says I need a call to
ice some. Let's
effing go!
Story structure is so important!
Yes.
Story structure, very important.
That's why best Pokemon are one stage one Pokemon, first act.
Stage two Pokemon, friend and allies. Stage three Pokemon, first act. Stage 2 Pokemon, friend and allies.
Stage 3 Pokemon, big fight at end.
Ash Ketchum, 20 years of Pokemon finding.
It took 20 years to get to point, but every episode, a new story, new Pokemon.
All complete rising action, Denial of call.
Friends and allies.
Travels to hero.
Becoming hero.
Overcoming new obstacle in 20 years of Pokemon.
Overcoming new Pokemon.
To then become Pokemaster.
This very important.
Eric July must take lesson from Pokemon in writing stories.
Well, I think he could learn something from the Pokemon journey.
Doesn't it go basic, stage one, stage two?
Basic, stage one, stage two.
Then they do EX.
And Mega EX, not as good.
Not as good.
Bullshit Pokemon.
Bullshit rule.
I don't know anything about that.
Bullshit rule.
Too powerful.
Overpowered.
Mega EX is too much?
Mega EX. too much Mega EX
EX to Mega EX
Three prize cards
To a Mega EX
Oh yes
Three
Three prize cards
Three prize cards
Way too powerful
The game goes too fast
Too powerful
Okay
Oh my god
Pop quiz for 499
Says you guys
I'm a writer
I heard it too
Nice
Petty for five
There were even spelling
And grammar mistakes
In the synopsis
On the official page
Yeah there's some There's some problems Here and there Word will fix that For you buddy Nice. Petty for five. There were even spelling and grammar mistakes in the synopsis on the official page.
Yeah, there's some problems here and there. We're going to fix that for you, buddy.
Here's Riley or Mint Salad.
Not sure.
It says, I bought the bundle of cyber frog.
I think this is Riley.
Bought the incomplete bundle of cyber frogs leading up to Rocket Planet today.
That's the power of a good critical book review.
Oh, wow.
Cyber frog.
Should people get in on Ethan VanSkyver's cyber frog universe? Yeah, it's great. That's the power of a good critical book review. Oh, wow. Dick, Cyberfrog, should people get in on Ethan VanSkyver's Cyberfrog universe?
Yeah, it's great.
It's great.
Yeah, it's great.
Don't forget to get in on the Superkiller universe, which I lost some donations because
I dared to briefly agree with some gun-
You agreed with Gavin Newsom, who's basically Hillary Clinton with a penis, or with a smaller penis,
saying that he's going to take our guns.
He did not say that.
That was not part of it.
He said he's going to make assault weapons illegal.
I think he'd be grandfathered in if he already had some.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
What happened to my Uzi, Vito?
Well.
Where did my Uzi go?
I thought you got it back.
Didn't you get it back?
No.
They took that shit.
What do you think assault weapons means?
Look, there's some stuff he says.
The idea that the gun buying age should be 21.
I think that's pretty reasonable.
I don't care about that part.
Okay, well then, what is the problem if I support that part?
Because I don't give a shit about that part.
It's retarded.
It's already 21 in California, isn't it?
Well, it should be 21 nationwide.
There's a lot of kids who get their hands on guns.
Yeah, the black teenagers who are killing each other,
they're going to wait until they're fucking 21.
I wasn't going to say it specifically, but look, it would help a little bit.
All right?
How?
Because then you can, look, we need to be stricter with some of that stuff.
Some of those guys need jail time when they get caught.
Jail, okay.
Is that part of the amendment, too?
We're throwing motherfuckers in jail?
No, not necessarily, but it could be at some point.
Yeah.
We do need more jails.
Assault weapons.
Some people are...
Look.
That's the part you agree with, too?
Which assault weapons do you want to own?
All of weapons are assault weapons!
What do you mean, what assault weapons do I want to own? Why are you are assault weapons What do you mean what assault weapons
Do I want to own?
Everything's fucking an assault weapon
Everything, that's the point of it
I just, I don't get it
I think I would be happy if I was you
With some cool pistols
You know, you can defend yourself
What do you want to do with them? Shoot stuff?
Cops
Well, now our show is banned forever anyway
to everyone i've offended i promise not to vote for gavin newsom if the super killer campaign
reaches 60 000 so the more money you take away the more of a chance i will vote for senator
gavin newsom so if you really want president, exactly. Yeah.
So taking money away from my campaign to punish me is actually going to have
the opposite effect of what you want.
Okay.
All right.
That's good.
Let's see.
Anyway,
Riley says by cyber frog,
I agree.
Go to my goat faces.
Praise Allah.
Can we get a call to freestyle rap?
I don't even know how that would go.
I'll say,
look,
all right,
put it on. Let's do it.
There's no beat here. Hold on, I'll give you a beat. Find an a la beat. Okay.
What are we rapping about? I don't know. You have time to think about it while I'm coming up with
this shit. Call the Prayer remix. It's not going to be a Call the Prayer remix. How fucking,
bro, there is a Martin Luther King
I have a dream speech remix
Do the oriental trap mix
Is this for real
What is this
Where's the beat
Here we go
Skip ahead a little
420 sigh
Yeah yeah
Offending
I have no idea
yeah
I'm trying the Rolex
look at that Rolex
alright
alright
yeah
every July
dropping ice on this comic fucking sucks it's a fucking bomb we got a
fifth grade teacher she gonna teach you about how to write creatures like they're not from
the bleachers she's gonna let you know about story structure you better listen to her she's got the
ideas you need to know your Your story needs a hook.
Your story needs some flow.
Why the fuck is Darren a bad guy?
He seems kind of cool.
I would hang with him.
He is fly.
All right.
Yeah, straight out of Hollywood.
Straight out of Hollywood, motherfucker.
Wah, wah, wah.
I think we need to find a better concept.
That one's great.
That's a great beat.
We love that.
Hi, Matty.
Did you like the rap song?
Do you like my freestyle?
Matty, get over here.
Hey, Matty.
Thank you, Goaty McGoatface, for $100.
Wow, $100.
You got to find a better beat for it.
Why would you want a better beat than that?
It's a little slow.
Oh, okay.
TheCityBoy for $9.99.
Thank you again, Goaty, for the $100.
We appreciate it.
TheCityBoy for $9.99. It was again, Godey, for the $100. We appreciate it. The City Boy for $9.99.
It was very woman-like for Eric to not consider your criticism because you hurt his feelings.
Also hilarious seeing.
Yeah, you can read that.
Oh, I can read that?
Yeah, sure.
Hilarious seeing you based on a true story.
Love y'all.
It was very womanly.
No, it was very womanly.
It was very womanly.
That he was obsessed about where I was, quote, coming from.
Yeah, we're coming from the point of view that we read your comic and it sucks.
I don't know, man.
Yeah, it's just not good, dude.
Everyone feels hollow.
Everyone feels like they have to justify why they spent so much money on it.
That's where I'm coming from.
Well, you didn't give the book to reviewers.
Did we talk about that where he's like convinced his audience?
Somebody was like, why don't you send it to comic book sites to review it?
He's like, I don't do that access media shit.
And I'm like, okay, so.
I love that we're just fine with doing a black voice now.
I mean, he has a very particular way of talking.
He's acting it up.
He doesn't really talk like that.
I know he doesn't actually talk like that.
He talks like Carlton. He's acting it up. He doesn't really talk like that. I know he doesn't actually talk like that. He talks like Carlton.
I'm sure he does.
I'm sick, says Gear Tooth Cartoons for five.
I'm sick of the rip-aheads saying,
I some success is indicative of quality when the money was raised before anyone touched the book.
Yes.
Money is never indicative of quality.
No.
How much does all those stupid Marvel movies make?
A bajillion dollars. God. How much does all those Stupid Marvel movies make? A bajillion dollars
God
The Minions
How much does McDonald's make?
Oh it's the greatest food
On the planet
Minions is one of the
Greatest movies of all time
Better than Citizen Kane
Based on the numbers
You know what's annoying
About the Minions?
In the first movie
There's blueprints
Of a Minion
On Gru's wall
Okay
Meaning that he built them
Which makes sense
But then they have
This whole thing of like
They're in dinosaur times and
shit.
The fuck was that?
I haven't seen any of these movies.
I don't know anything about the minions.
I don't know anything about Gru.
And here's something else that sucks about minions.
In the second movie,
the woman was named Lucy Wild,
who was the name of my favorite porn star.
So I'm like,
I don't want to picture this shit.
So it messed up the search results, number one.
And number two, I got to think about this shit.
Was she hot in the end?
No.
No?
No, it was goofy, weird, cartoon looking.
Because I look at all these people who are upset about like Disney grooming kids or whatever.
I'm like, yeah, but you don't say anything about Elastigirl.
And that's grooming way more kids.
Because they see her and they go go i wish she was my mom i don't know why i wish she was my mom but i do uh my god the ass on that woman brett dinter for 550 canadian have been listening since day one
happy to finally catch a live show oh my god two years and this is your first live show welcome
brent brent brit's man for two says i can't say that you can say that
you just can't talk about that one component 2020 was rigged he's not saying it means the year was
rigged that whole year was rigged against the hard-working horse jockeys i know exactly what
he's talking about snails for some reason andrew Andrew Aimee, with another $100, says, Inshallah, we need call to prayer for the MTGX Lord of the Rings $1 million Pringle chip.
Wait, what?
Dick, I'll do this one.
Okay.
Come on!
Why?
Why?
Does Magic the Gathering have a Lord of the Rings crossover with a one-of-one limited edition ring card. The ring card is not even
powerful. It is a bad card. And that card right now has a bounty for $1 million. If you pull the
one ring, some stupid card shop in Milwaukee or someplace stupid will give you a million dollars
for a stupid piece of shit. Dumb Lord of the Rings card. Not a Black Lotus.
Not a Max Ruby.
Not a Gaius Cradle.
A stupid Lord of the Rings ring for one million dollars.
Even in Pokemon, there is multiple Pikachu.
There is a Pikachu, the main one.
Multiple Pikachu all that they meet all throughout the world.
Yes.
Not only one of one Pikachu.
Many Pikachu.
Yes.
Yes.
Also a Getty. Brock. Yes. Mist only one of one Pikachu, many Pikachu. Yes. Yes. Also a Getty.
Brock. Yes.
Many adversaries. Even Allah
himself has many prophets.
A Jesus.
They are ruining Professor Oak.
The gathering with stupid Gandalf
and Frodo and Black Aragorn
and anyone who is trying to
obtain the One Ring is a dummy.
Just buy a playset of the power nine
Beta
By a collector's edition
I don't
I'm gonna get that collect
Bakalakshamak
Bakalakshamak
Alright
Good
It's a one of one
Well the card exists in other form
But there is one that is specifically printed
With special art that says one of one on it
Oh god
They're gonna turn magic cards into sports cards You know where it's a one of one on it. Oh, God. They're going to turn magic cards into sports cards.
You know, one of one LeBron.
Hers is Rolex.
That should be a fun card for them to have.
See, I didn't want to buy it.
It's just a promotional picture of a Rolex on it.
That's kind of what it's becoming.
Should I buy some Lord of the Rings cards and try to open the one of one ring?
No.
Yeah, no one should.
I'm not buying any Lord of the Rings cards.
I'm actually selling all my stupid Transformers cards
that came with that stupid set.
Thank you, Andrew Aimee, for a big hundred on the board.
This whole show is going to end up being fucking,
what is this?
Eric Wong for two.
Vito's problem is literally that he can't groom kids.
Shut up.
And I can influence them and I can help them.
Alright? It's not grooming.
Why? Fuck them. No.
Don't fuck them. That's the absolute
opposite of what we want to do.
I think we should teach kids bad stuff.
Stuff to fuck up their lives.
Crime and drugs and shit.
Teach them bad math.
Captain Boomies is here. We love Captain
Boomies. Follow her on Instagram.
For US, $20 says butt load.
It's a nautical term.
Did I say butt load?
Somebody said butt load.
It's getting a load in your butt.
For Ho God Survive, don't take concert band before graduation year.
You have to attend the graduation and play music for it and listen to the speeches.
Oh, God.
Why take concert band anyway?
I never understood that
do you want to play a trombone for the rest of your life i can't really do a lot with it start
a band jlo for 4.99 i was watching the old biggest problem content with maddox despite his
it's still great content bring back the old school military jackets Oh yeah okay Okay let's do it
Pineapple man for $1.99
Vito is bringing in Maddox's family problem
Amazing
I know I thought it was amazing too
Is that an existing one
On the john for $2.20 Canadian
I'm glad you liked my dumb thumbnail snail Vito
It's terrifying
More awesomeness for $2.20 New Zealand
Vito gets too excited about the wrong topics
Upset face.
Okay. Uh-huh. Rev for two says
get that cum out of your ears,
Flash. One of your great
clips.
You really did back him into
a corner with that one clip. I finally
listened to it where he's like, I think
if Vito showed up, he'd be like scared of me.
And I'm like, what is he talking
about? I don't know. Isn't Flash also kind of like what is he talking about i don't know isn't flash
also kind of like a big fat guy i don't know yeah and i'm like nah man if i saw you i'd be like yeah
hey uh hey what's up here first of all i don't think i have any personal beef with you other
than i think you make some shitty youtube videos but i don't you know i don't hate you i guess
i hate some of the shit you say about me But I don't know
I'm up trying to
Pull up on you man
He's not gonna
He's gonna say it
If he means it
I mean if he wants to
LP Dirty T for five
Schools lie
And force you to comply
A curriculum
From a blue haired
Crazy woman
Will indoctrinate
You learn to not be a jerk
In society
Vito
I don't think society Is teaching people to not be a jerk
Sadly
Because it's a bad trait
Yeah, well
You should be more of a jerk
Petty for two says, Vito, the point of the show is to win
No, it's not
It's to spit truth and destroy
Megan Mann for two
You both are glistening beautifully tonight
Are we glistening?
I don't think so
I don't feel sweaty
Red for five
Vito uses a questionable amount of us and we.
Look, we as a collective understand.
You gotta just stop saying we, man.
Not all of us.
Some of us.
Oops.
Dick has now clicked off.
Oops.
Will you just go back to the thing?
ASC presents.
Here's Mint Salad.
New ice on fan art on my Twitter. This one's just a meme so it's safe
I guess we can look at Mint Salad's
Oh we can?
Yeah it's not a
Alright
It's not a problem
You can go to my Twitter
Autistic boobs
Autistic boobs
There you go
Mint Salad has drawn some super killer fan art
Let's take a look at this before I put it up
I've seen it.
There it is right there.
You haven't seen this one yet.
Okay.
Well,
here you go here.
We can see my character super killer.
I don't know why it appears to be Santwan.
And Derek are all there.
And they're all In their boxer shorts
For some reason
Except Isamu has his famous suit
And my character
Super killer
Is sitting on the couch
Seems very excited
For what is
About to take place
I couldn't possibly know
What this is a reference to
I have no idea
They're gonna fuck him
No
That can't be it
Yeah that's what's happening there
These proud black individuals
That's what happens in that meme
That would be woke
If they did that
They can't have
Gay sex
Gay sex
That would be too woke
For the ISOM universe
I see
Well thank you MidSalad
For continuing to place my character
In hilarious predicaments.
The fan art arc has been quite a lot of fun.
Tamungo for 220 Canadian.
Hey, Vito, I got you on Sitchin' Adam.
Thank you.
Oh, cool.
I am going to be on that show.
I wasn't sure if you're the one who made it happen, but yeah, I will be on the Sitchin'
Adam show.
I don't have the date in front of me, but I'm sure I'll announce it at some point.
Mac Warrior for $20. Pokeboomers
are annoying. It's like if you gave a kid
100 toys and he pulled out one and said, I don't like
this one because it's a man. But they ignore
all the bad Generation 1 monsters like
Jinx, Tangela, Mr. Mime,
or TBF. What the
fuck was that? To be fair.
Yeah, I don't know. Are you saying poke boomers who say that the original
uh pokemon are all the good ones and all the new ones look like crap the new ones look like crap
bro well the original ones a lot of them looked like crap too yeah but it was like a duck and a
squirrel and stuff yeah you can kind of tell what it was and like the beginning of time
that's not as fun definitely I've definitely gotten more abstract.
Dumb username for two Australian YouTube.
You should search by upload date for better results.
I do that sometimes.
Cara Fro for 10.
Great show as always.
Thank you, Cara.
Corn pop with a mustache for 99 cents.
Corn pop with a fucking die.
Stop with the fucking stickers.
What the fuck is this?
C Villa for five
The problem with Dick criticizing Eric July
Is that he's coming at the book with too much negativity
And not trying
To be
So called fair
With his critique
Yeah I got it
Nice try
Paper Shaper for 65 Mexican dollars
Which is apparently five American dollars.
Do you really believe six million jollies lost their lives in the jolly?
Okay, we're going to get demonetized if we make these jokes, guys.
LP Dirty T for $199 USD says, leave the kids alone.
Yeah, well.
Dumb Username for two.
Lollicost Denied.
That still doesn't work.
It doesn't work because there's no Lollicost. There was no Lollicost denied. That still doesn't work. Doesn't work because there's no... Lollicost?
There was no Lollicost.
The Lollicost would have to be like a bunch of
lollies died or something. I guess
Tumblr was a Lollicost. Oh, on the
John asked what happened to the Eggie response video.
You know, somebody told me there's a bunch of F-slurs in it
so he can't play it. Oh, shit.
And we would have to censor it out. Somebody censor
it and send it to us. Yeah, so I'll have to
bleep it, but it's still out there.
We'll make it happen at some point.
More awesomeness for 220 New Zealand.
The bear was barely able, TBF, to wear hair.
Not a good try.
KingN64 for a big 20 says,
here's 20 for that wonderful buster bit last week.
Oh, yeah.
He called you a roundhead motherfucker again,
and then someone sent me a message and was like,
did he just call him a brownhead?
And I'm like no he keeps calling him a rounded head
Thing I don't really get it
Somebody said it was because I had buck teeth that's why I'm that
I don't think you have buck
I do not see your resemblance
I don't know maybe doesn't everybody look like a rabbit
When you do that
I don't know maybe I have buck teeth
I guess you got bigger teeth than me
Yeah Buster Baxter the king of critiques I don't know. Maybe I have buck teeth. I guess you got bigger teeth than me.
Yeah.
Buster Baxter, the king of critiques.
Eric looks great.
Yeah.
His arms are, they look really buff and strong in his ripped off sleeves shirts.
He's got a rain in some of that arm hair, I think, is the one thing.
Oh, yeah? Is it racist if you say that?
Do black guys normally have really hairy arms uh black guys usually have uh like arms that look
powerful he's got like robin he's saying his arms look weak kind of yeah oh man i don't know if we
want to challenge eric july to a fitness competition all i know is i'm not allowed to
roll up on him i'll probably win that some of guys, I will say, seek out his critique of the drunken peasants
saying these fat guys
aren't allowed to critique
my book anymore
because of their weight.
That is the new
Eric July rule.
Yeah.
Fat people are not allowed
to review ISOM.
Are they allowed
to buy ISOM?
They're allowed to buy it, Dick.
They're allowed to be part
of his monetary journey.
Guys, if we really
work together,
all you fat asses
can make me
millions of dollars.
Can you believe it?
Michael winning for two.
Every villain's a hero.
And to the customers, we're very satisfied.
The customers were so happy.
Our customers love it.
Customers love what they're customing from me.
I saw a video of the guy.
You haven't seen his art book.
He had a limited edition art book as part of the campaign.
Now, when I say art book, you think like how many pages would an art book he had a limited edition art book as part of the campaign now when i say art
book you think like how many pages would an art book be 40 40 would be nice a lot of like
okay it's like 20 maybe yeah yeah yeah 25 yeah it was an eight page pamphlet that he charged 60
dollars for a guy said it's literally the quality of like a pamphlet you get when you go on like
vacation at the hotel desk.
You know, just pick up some random literature about going to, you know, Johnny's cave diving adventure.
And it's got a bunch of shitty art production sketches.
Eight pages long.
He was charging 60 bucks a piece for it.
And I saw a video where one of Eric's customers was like, Eric's just ripped me the fuck off.
I saw somebody ask him for their money back.
Yeah, he's not going to give you their money back.
He's like calling them names.
Like, well, what do you mean?
He just wants his money back, bro.
Yeah, honestly, if a guy came to me and said, you know,
I read Super Killer and I didn't really like it,
can I get my money back?
I'd be like, yeah, if you eat the cost of shipping,
I'll send you some of your money back.
You know, I can resell it or whatever else.
It's not going to refund shipping. Let's be real. What am I, Amazon over here? Yeah, if you eat the cost of shipping, I'll send you some of your money back. You know, I can resell it or whatever else. I'm not going to refund shipping.
Let's be real.
What am I, Amazon over here?
Come on.
Jeff Binzos, do I look like a big penis to you?
You want to get a little something back?
Sure.
We'll send you something.
Lauren Sanchez over here.
Michael winning.
Again, every villain is a hero in their own mind, Eric.
That's true.
LPDirtyT for $1.99 says, please post that review online.
It was great.
The fifth grade teacher review.
Can we make that available on biggestproblem.show?
Can we make a little bonus page that has links to stupid little things?
I think that would be fun.
Yeah, go for it.
Okay.
Do I have the ability to create pages?
It's WordPress, right?
Yeah.
I should log in and do that.
Dumb username for 10 Australian dollars.
A guy with terminal cancer is about to hang himself, but stops to answer a phone call.
The police found
the body of his daughter
who went missing
30 years ago.
This is a real comic
with a good hook, Eric.
What comic is that,
dumb username?
Do I know that one?
I don't know.
I'd read it.
Shamus,
Shamus McCallaghan
for five.
A la Akbar.
I saw him too.
We'll definitely do
three fifths of,
well, you know,
okay, three fifthfifths.
I got it.
What's the over-under on ISOM 2?
In terms of money?
Yeah, I think it'll make another two million.
I think it'll do what Ethan VanSkyver's campaigns do.
I don't think it'll do like a 1.4 million.
You think it'll do 1.4?
1.4, 1.5.
Okay.
I think the first time out the box It was like you know culture war
We're doing it but now the culture war has already won
Once you have the company in the warehouse
Doesn't mean you already won the culture war
In the eyes of most people so it's like
I don't know I'm going to keep paying for this
Now you have the company
Go fund the thing
You're a warehouse company
Now you can do Amazon fulfillment
When you're not shipping your one comic.
I don't know how Eric has any time to write comics because anytime he's either streaming
online for six to eight hours at a time or whatever the fuck it is.
Yeah.
Or he's posting today.
I shipped 120 orders from the warehouse.
And I'm like, where the where I was trying to plan to do it.
And I'm like, why are you doing that?
Don't you have employees?
Why are you shipping orders?
Yeah.
Just pay a guy to tape boxes and go right.
Just give it to Amazon to do it.
Give it to Amazon.
Well, that's the other thing that's really weird is that he's really proud that he has
a warehouse.
And I'm like, it's dumb.
Yeah.
It seems unnecessary.
You get a warehouse at the point that like, I don't think he's.
No, you get a warehouse if your business is
Fulfillment if you're a creative business then you
Let other people do yeah you don't need to get involved
In the fulfillment it's kind of a waste of
Money there's other people who already have
Warehouses that can ship your stuff
Again I don't have his numbers maybe you can prove
To me like no this is how I save x
X and x but no that's not
They're not saving money no I think he's honestly
Losing money on the warehouse
But he knows
Having a warehouse
Appeals to these weird
Stupid people
Yeah
Consumer
Obsessed
Capitalist guys
Who are like
Yeah
Having a business
Paying employees
Yeah they're real weird
They're real weird
It's their highest good
Is having a business
Which is fine
But you can have
Any kind of business
You can make
Fucking socks If you want My business makes businesses Yeah well I have a business, which is fine, but you can have any kind of business. You can make fucking socks if you want.
My business makes businesses.
Yeah, well.
I have a business-making factory where I make businesses.
I get it.
Business is cool and interesting, but, like,
what does that have to do with writing comics?
Not a lot.
Those are two different skills, and you're very good at having a warehouse, Eric.
Anyway, clowworm-icization. Five Australian.ic july shit is the funniest thing since maddox i cannot wait for
i some number two me too well we're gonna have to actually buy it now i'm not i'm pirating that
shit i'm not spending money on that shit for us and scan it yeah cool for five i'll vote for
common sense gun control if we can put some comments. Something's going on here, man.
Yeah, we're having some weird hiccups with the audio.
Yeah, that's weird.
All right, go ahead.
Kufa 5, I'll vote for Common Sense Gun Control if we get some Common Sense Woman Control.
Put on the hijab, you fun haters.
Thank you for not killing yourselves.
Common Care for 5, ISOM's the reason we need the Fed to subsidize the Department of Comic Writers.
I agree.
Reckon for $27.50, which looks exciting until i clp what communist fuckhole
are you in that we paid us 27 50 and it equates to five dollars kids dying by guns is a better
fate than getting groomed by veto i don't think that's true david gomez for two where can i see
richard rip on er on Eric's YouTube?
There is one video of you fighting with him, right?
Or no, he just, he didn't even bring you on his show.
He just ripped your fucking notes apart.
Cause he's a bitch. Yeah, he's like weirdly obsessed with,
with like this, some specifics that I wrote down
before like just the overall story points.
Like I just wrote things down as I was writing.
Like that doesn't make sense.
Well, yeah, it was very clear that it was like stream of consciousness
And some of the stuff where you're like oh this doesn't make sense
Get answered later
But instead he just like picks the most like
Although I will say it's your fault
You shouldn't have left that stuff in
I should have told you
Yeah cause I should have told you
This guy is
He's gonna do that shit though
I don't give a fuck how he reacts to anything
If you say like anything in a way
That you're like
Well you're trying to win
The culture war
He'll go
Tell me specifically
At what time stamp
I said I want to win
The culture war
And it's like
Well you didn't say
That exact phrase
But like
Obviously what you're doing
When you say
We're going to take on
Comic companies
That don't respect
Their customers
Yeah
It's like
Every time he did that
When I was talking to him
I just went back to
Your comic sucks
Right
Your story sucks
And you're a bad writer
He tries to
I flipped it around on him
His go-to move
Is to dodge all criticism
By saying
Well you don't really know
What you're talking about
Okay
Well I know your story sucks
You should have known
That Mrs. Newman
Was blah blah blah
Because in this one panel
I said they went to church
This one time
And it's like
Yeah it's not fun
It's not exciting
It's not good
Yeah
It's easy for me
To deflect that
He ignores all that though
He's expert
Yeah but the audience doesn't
They hear it
Some of them
But some of them just go
Yeah Eric's telling
They should have known
Who Mrs. Newman
Went to church with
And blah blah blah
So they can spend more money
I don't care
Sure
World renowned Geohound
Ooh
A little
Grandia reference there
i think for 199 says i wanted to say thank you for bringing back comedy slash sanity you're welcome
you're welcome uh i'll mention this if that is a grandia reference i actually worked on the
trailers for that game oh so you can go watch the grandia trailer and know that I made it. Wow. Let him trashy for two. Nerd Roddick said Eric killed the last edgelord, you.
Nerd Roddick said he killed us?
Am I the last edgelord?
Eric killed you or he killed me?
I am the last, like, Dragonheart.
I am the last edgelord.
These guys all live in a beautiful little fantasy.
I shave the end of it every day when I wake up.
Well, guys.
Who's Nerd Roddick?
Is that the guy that you flagged on Twitter?
I didn't flag him necessarily
Nerd Roddick is going after me?
I'm being attacked again?
After I defended him for so long
And made you apologize?
Yeah it's true
I'm being attacked by that guy?
You should be celebrated for force
First I'm being called an n-word
And then that guy
Goes to his friend
And gets him to attack me who's doing nothing
but minding my own business
talking about Pokemon cards just because I thought
the comic sucked. This whole YouTube
sphere of influence is a
is a minefield to navigate.
I
I hate
YouTubers. I feel
the exact same way.
Yeah. I hate it. Before I i don't want to be on youtube
anymore i'm so done i'm not i know you're not in a way you know what it's kind of it's it's
bittersweet but it's become so awful yeah and as as i said recently that eric was saying these guys
are nipping at me because they're worried their channels aren't getting traction or whatever.
Yeah, you don't have a channel, you don't have a comic, so all of that is bullshit.
And I'm like, Eric, even if that was true, you are not popular due to talent.
It's because of just, YouTube does not reward the most talented guys.
There are super talented guys making way cooler shit Than the top YouTubers
The top YouTube channels
Are guys going
Did you hear about
Disney was woke this week?
Did you hear about
The groomers at the Disney?
Like that is what
What is rewarded
Is being a big loud asshole
It's not talent
That's rewarded
Some amount of it
Is rewarded
But at the end of the day
Like the most popular channels
If you look at them
You go
It's not really talent Well you just take them, you go, it's not really talent.
Well, you just take every movie and say how it's woke.
Yeah.
Which takes a lot of talent to do.
And then you just, like, invent, like, stories about how Hollywood is afraid.
That's not true.
Yeah.
So, I don't want to be on YouTube because, again, it's not a platform that is interested
in finding cool, talented shit.
And there's been a lot of YouTubers who are like the most talented guys in the world.
I have more subscribers than like They Might Be Giants, which is criminal.
Wow.
You know?
I love They Might Be Giants.
They just sing songs, though.
Those are like some of the best songs in the world.
There's a lot of great bands like that.
Yeah.
Okay.
Anyway, I'm sick of YouTube.
I'm sick of YouTubers.
Hopefully, I can escape and become a great comic writer.
Check out superkiller.org.
Please help me escape.
That's my pitch.
Eric's pitch is help me make money.
We can win by you giving me money.
Here's my pitch.
Help.
I want out.
I don't want to do this bullshit anymore.
It sucks.
Let me do something fun and creative so I don't kill myself.
Yeah.
Anyway, a couple more.
Seamus McCallion for five.
Eric's vid responding to your critique.
Points out aspects that were clearly in his head, but didn't make it into the book.
He can't handle on to see.
Interesting.
Ultra Water for 550.
The school system was invented by Rockefeller because there wasn't enough people to employ.
This was to soften the blow of nine to five for the rest of your life.
Yeah, it did turn you into a little slave to the state and spider eternal for
two says ground you one two i love two one of my favorite games i worked on the compilation
now available on your nintendo switch i did all the uh marketing trailers for that game
and it was very exciting to work on what a great show thanks to everybody who came by
it was so weird on that flashcast stream When he told me Well this is a review
Consider this
These are my notes
On your notes
Is that what he said?
Michael it doesn't really
It doesn't really work
Like that though bud
Because you were making
A story
And these are like
Here's my notes
On your notes
I mean he can argue
And say that something's
Bad criticism
But
Alright well
This really wasn't
An entertainment
I mean it became
An entertainment product
Because you Sp spurred out.
But I really thought you were going to review it.
He might have had like some pithy little thing to say about it.
You don't critique a critique.
You do your own critique of the thing.
Yeah.
Right?
Like, what are you not?
You don't, you fundamentally like don't understand the existence of art.
Is he doing this on purpose?
I thought it was a bit.
I said it to you.
You didn't see it?
I said, Eric, I don't understand if you're this stupid
or if you're misrepresenting things to get an own on me.
I honestly can't tell, and it's driving me insane.
And he just sat there with a dumb look on his beard going,
I don't know if he's
trying to play. Is this a joke? I don't know if he's
trying to play 4D chess and be like I can
monetize this situation. But I think at the
end of the situation it's
absolutely hurting his brand and
his reputation. I don't think this helps him.
I think he's gotten away
with like dunking on stupid people
and that's done very well for him.
But you're not stupid
I'm only kind of stupid
And
Well the whole like
Oh here
These are my comic friends
And they're gonna agree with me
And then they didn't
It's like so pathetic
And dickless
Like
Yeah
Oh yeah this guy
Oh yeah you totally owned him
Like
The story sucks though right
Like you
Did you guys read it
No
Well I'm seeing people within
Read them
I'm seeing people within i'm seeing people
within their spheres going wait a minute is this all this is that all these guys just go yeah this
comic's great it's the greatest thing and like none of them are actually reading each other's
comics or giving each other notes no right and the people who actually want to read comics are
going like who owned whom just read it and say if it's good or not.
Nina looked like a fucking bunny in the headlight of a car.
What did you like about it?
I liked when he was with the little girl.
Okay.
Which one of them said Isom could fly?
Flash!
Flash said Isom could fly. You didn't even read it because he can't fly.
I didn't say that. Flash said he could fly. Flash said that.- And then Eric said you didn't even read it because he can't fly. You said I said I could fly.
I didn't say that!
Flash said he could fly.
Flash said that!
And then he kept repeating it.
I'm like, are you fucking dumb?
Whatever.
That was fun.
Don't forget to vote on all the problems at biggestproblem.show.
New bonus episode, Biggest Problem in Spider-Man.
Patreon.com slash biggestproblem.
Give us money to encourage my behavior so that I know that what I did wasn't foolish or embarrassing.
Yes.
Give me money.
Go to superkiller.org to check out my new comic book, Superkiller, and Veto...
What's the...
Veto loses.com.
Veto loses.com to get in on the exciting weight loss challenge.
Boy, that's going to be exciting.
We're going to have a new exciting show for you next week.
Thanks for everybody coming by.
Don't forget to like, subscribe, and comment on this video.
And thank you for not killing yourselves.
Bye.
Bye.