The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 96
Episode Date: July 1, 2023Charity Fraud, Source Snobs, Cheating at Trivia, The Black/White Test Score Gap  ...
Transcript
Discussion (0)
I mean, I guess.
It's 100% a scam.
Yeah.
Oh, shit.
We already switched.
Whoops.
There we are.
Whoops.
Me and Dick were so excited talking about the show that we decided to not do the show.
Researching scams.
Hold on.
Let me see.
I'm two's.
I'm looking at my secret.
Secret scam file here.
My correspondence.
I'm so busy looking at my correspondence.
Oh, God.
Look at my hair.
I look like Gomez Adams.
You look great. You look great.
You look fantastic.
I was very surprised.
Anybody ever said to you, I was very surprised?
What does that generally mean, generally speaking?
It means that something has changed.
They weren't expecting, right?
How do you express the emotion of something happening that you weren't expecting to happen?
Surprise.
Surprise.
I think you're going to have to save that for later.
I'm excited to dig into some of that.
Are you?
Yeah.
Man, it's fucking...
Oh, go ahead.
Sorry.
Well, I was going to say, I'm excited to be here.
I was here yesterday because we actually put together a review of the new Indiana Jones
film.
Yeah.
Currently available on my channel at youtube.com slash veto.
Right.
Kind of like a bonus episode.
It's basically a bonus episode.
Yeah.
That's what you guys are getting.
Anytime I post anything new.
Yeah.
And not like anything new and unusual.
I get,
so is this the bonus episode or what?
I'm like,
man,
does it say? I it say there will be another
but you know what are you gonna call the irs on me like what do you mean is this so is this the
bonus episode like why do you get yeah uh no there will be an official bonus episode but we did do a
indiana jones dial destiny review uh-huh uh people uh seem to like it i think they like our discussions
of movies Okay
You're already bringing up a picture of something
I have something to color the conversation here
Why did this fuck up again?
Oh, it's this shit
There, I now have to change it every time
What could that possibly be, Dick?
This is stupid
Exhibit A
This is a...
What would you call this?
I'd call this a perfectly reasonable amount of popcorn
For an adult human man.
Okay.
If I said, hey, I'm going to buy, if you said to somebody, hey, I'm going to buy, I'll pay for the popcorn.
A large popcorn because the popcorn is nine bucks and it's too much.
But the medium is eight bucks.
The medium is eight bucks, the large nine.
Let's get a large and split it.
And that was your idea.
You're like Wimpy from Popeye.
Yeah, we'll split the popcorn.
And I said, okay, I'll pay for the popcorn.
Whenever I get a large popcorn, I can't finish it.
Do you finish a large popcorn by yourself?
No, I split it with my girlfriend, who I am used to eyeing like a hawk.
Because we used to share out of the same bucket.
Yeah.
But she like, as soon as we get the popcorn, she's like using two hands.
I'm like yo so then i gotta eat fast to like get my half of the popcorn so i said no we're not doing that anymore you're getting a kid's box and i'm dumping half half into yours and she's like
well i don't even want that much so she only dumps like a fourth in and i get my hoard of popcorn
so we agreed to split the popcorn while
you were busy getting the drink i thought it would be expedient if i just dumped half the popcorn
bucket into the second container that i had obtained and apparently i'll pay for the popcorn
and we'll split it and vita says hey buddy he's goes hey here's a 20 give me a big trash bag
give me a because i'm gonna fucking ride a, cause I'm going to fucking ride.
I'm going to take all the popcorn that this motherfucker, he doesn't even know I'm about
to fucking rail him.
Is the audio working?
Yeah.
I see the audio.
Okay.
You could have just said, Hey, I don't think you split.
Can I get a little more?
I think it's not even.
You handed me that and I was.
You serotipically, your initial reaction was to snap a photo
I was so flummoxed by what you handed me back
Which I knew
I was like
Like that gif of that guy going
I would have gave you more
In the theater
It messed up the whole movie for me
I would have gave you more popcorn
Indiana Jones and where the fuck is my popcorn
That was the adventure I was on
You should have went out to the lobby and got a refill
I think you get a free refill
You probably would have pilfered that from me as well somehow
Look I'm sorry that I didn't give you
So I didn't touch it
Exactly half the popcorn
You gave it to me and I said
I held it and I said
Because the tub
Big old beautiful tub of popcorn That I was thinking about all week.
First of all, the guy at the counter annoyed me when I said.
That was a really good exchange where you went, can you layer the butter?
And he said, oh, the butter's over there.
Like, and he pointed you to it.
And instead of reacting as a normal human being would and going, oh, okay, cool.
You went, so the answer was no.
And I just burst out laughing.
I'm like, dude, that's...
Can you layer
the butter? Oh, well, you can get your own butter over there.
So the answer was... He said the butter's self-service.
I said, so no.
How can I layer... He's not going to just say no.
Well, how the fuck can I layer the butter
if it's all in the tub,
jackass?
I don't know, man.
Ham, I'm talking to ham.
Yeah, sure.
Okay, hey, can you layer the butter?
Well, the butter's self-serve.
Okay, so you're going to hand it to me when it's all in there, and then what am I going
to do, magically insert the butter in the middle?
So no.
Yeah, no.
No, I can't get layered butter here.
Just say no, fuck you.
Don't say, well, actually, you can figure it out over there if you juggle it.
I can't believe you just went, so no.
Doesn't it annoy you?
Look, man, I did not realize popper corn was such a fucking endeavor for you.
All right, next time.
This is exhibit A. So then after that debacle, I get the drinks.
For some reason, I'm the drink bitch.
I'm filling up the drink.
I grabbed my own drink from you.
You're fucking cutting the cocaine with 90% baby whatever it is.
Baby powder, baby formula.
And then you hand me this tub of this mostly empty tub.
It's got plenty of popcorn.
And I grabbed and I said
You took the picture from the worst possible angle. I took many pictures
because I knew you would say that.
I knew you would say that.
You handed it back to me and I said
that's 30% of the popcorn. Because it was
overflowing like a snow cone.
Like it was a fucking dome
of popcorn and I was like oh my god
that's so much popcorn. I wish it was layered
but this fucking idiot wouldn't layer it for me. When we were in the movie and I was like oh my god That's so much popcorn I wish it was layered But this fucking idiot wouldn't layer it for me
When we were in the movie and I noticed
You reached the end of your popcorn
And I was still eating popcorn
I instantly went oh he's
Gonna give me so much shit later
And I was absolutely it's the bottom
Of the popcorn but when you finished your popcorn
I only had like a little bit of popcorn left
It was like pretty even exhibit
B okay you see the shadows of the popcorn
That's I took it with the screen in back so it would illuminate how much thievery had happened here
Look at this look at all of first of all. It's a cone. I know it's a cone shape so volumetric Lee the movie
Indiana Jones had volume jokes in it like displacement look at the size of this
jokes in it like displacement look at the size of this 70 plus a dome by that much and then this okay this is good in this area but in the black area here crumbs and bullshit that sinks to the
bottom that's also fair so i probably honestly got 20 of the popcorn that i paid for let me put it
all right we were already you know the movie was starting. I was rushing with the, you know, the drinks and the popcorn.
Oops, oops, I poured too much popcorn into mine.
Whoops.
Oh, shit.
No time to fix it.
Let's go.
We got to see the previews.
We got to see the AMC I Love Movies preview.
You're going to try and paint this as like a coordinated fat kid stealing effort.
Like I'm sneakily trying to obtain more popcorn.
If anything, I would have gave you more.
I don't want that much popcorn.
So I just...
Okay, all right.
I screwed up, all right?
I didn't eyeball it very well.
I didn't take into account the cone.
And I thought there's so much popcorn in there anyway,
I didn't think either of us would finish it all.
I didn't realize you're such a popcorn hound
that you were going to get to the bottom of that thing.
These are only a couple of the pictures that I took.
I think the buckets are smaller at the AMC.
It doesn't matter to me.
I got 30%.
Oh, so it's the AMC's fault that I got fucked.
Well, I've been going to the Regal and like half a Regal popcorn bucket.
You would never finish that.
I wouldn't know.
I didn't get half a bucket of popcorn.
They're tiny.
All right. Whatever. We're't get half a bucket of popcorn. So, alright.
Whatever.
We're never doing another movie review show again.
By the way, I was thinking about it. I couldn't think of a good name and you called it
Biggest Review. Yeah.
It should be Biggest Problem Reviews.
Because then we can do at the end of the, instead of
doing like a what do you give this out of five
or ten or whatever, we can do, okay, so
what's the biggest problem in this movie? Right. And that capper right i'd be okay with that i just you know you
own the trademark so i'd have to run it i'll allow it check out the biggest review in indiana jones
yeah on the youtube channel but now, it's the biggest problem in the universe.
Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe.
The only problem that ranks every problem in the universe from traveling in metal tubes to NFT-hating dudes.
From Aaron.
Should be dying in metal tubes.
NFT-hating dudes. From Aaron. Should be dying in metal tubes. Should be NFT-hating dudes.
To dying in metal tubes.
Okay.
You sent a bunch.
Maybe I picked the wrong one.
I'm your host, Dick Madges, and joining me as always is Vito Giswoldi.
Wow, Dick.
I'm so excited to be here.
Yeah.
How about the last episode?
That was fun, huh?
Those kids.
There's a mixed reaction from the audience.
I'm always surprised by that.
I really like those guys.
Well, they're younger guys.
I think our audience skew is a little bit older, but it was interesting.
The funny thing was people going, who the fuck are these guys, man? Where'd you get these nobodies?
And I'm like, they have like over a million YouTube.
They're bigger than us.
Literally on the Facebook group, I had to go, guys, if somebody has like almost a million YouTube subscribers, I'm going to put them on the show and try and steal their audience.
Don't complain.
I've never even heard of these guys.
Yeah, I don't care.
And then I got blamed for it.
He's like, oh, so these are Dick's friends.
Like, wait, why are they my.
I mean, I like them, but why do you jump to my fault that you didn't like them?
Shut up.
Shut the fuck up.
Some people enjoyed it.
Some people, a mixed bag.
But I think it was fun.
The intermingling of the different comedic generations.
You know, we make fun, clever jokes.
They obsess over pedophilia.
It's just the new.
And then Turkey Tom.
What do you know?
He's got a little fucking pedo in the kid house on his Discord.
Pedo in the discord house.
That broke after the show, thankfully.
Otherwise, we would have brought that up.
You want to know a secret?
That pedophile in his discord?
Yeah.
It was mean.
Damn it.
Well, Turkey Tom could no longer neg me about any pedophile bullshit because he's literally built a breeding ground to rape kids.
So fuck you, Turkey Tom, you dumb piece of shit.
No, you're great.
Thanks for coming on the show, fellas.
We enjoyed having you.
Those guys were great.
What do you think the biggest problem in Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny was?
I think the old-
His dead kid.
Spoilers.
Mutt's dead.
Mutt's dead.
Yeah, okay.
I don't like that.
It's really weird to me.
Mine was the old man voice. Yeah. In the young man body. That's good. See, It's really weird to me. Mine was the old man voice
in the young man body.
That's good. See, that's a good capper.
That's a good capper for the end of the show.
What was the biggest problem?
Yeah. Alright, alright. Here we go.
People pretending
to be offended
by Bo Black's N-word.
I can't say the N-word.
Martin Luther King speech that he was giving. I had a dream that I said the N-word. I can't say the N-word. Fucking Martin Luther King speech that he was giving.
I had a dream that I said the N-word at work and everybody clapped.
White people, brown people, all the colors of the rainbow.
And I said, my God, we are free to say the N-word at last.
I look forward to Bo Black's pushing forward on his new initiative to get the N-word to be acceptable for some reason.
I think that was kind of the linchpin.
I'm like, but why do you need it to be?
Because it's just a word, man.
It's like, yeah, but why is that so important to you?
White people saying that they can't say the N-word and it annoys them.
It's like women complaining about
this tiny pockets on their pants i'm like well you guys that's your thing you guys made it so
no one could say it right you think black people did that that's the first thing on their list
black people's problems what do you guys want well we want people to not say this word really
that's the first thing they're worried about they got a lot of things they're worried about. Yeah, that's a
white people thing and it was like a hundredth down
on the list.
And then toxic positivity.
That was mine.
The anti-plastic movement.
I think they were close.
Airplane seats.
And NFT haters.
What's the deal?
What's the deal?
Yeah, he was doing airplane humor.
He's got a whole set now.
Chief Slingin' Beef says, Vito is the gayest.
Her der.
Anyone who likes someone who doesn't like me is my gay hater.
Yeah, he's a black anarchist.
Probably not.
Californians are so gay.
Wow.
Was this about Eric Chilai?
What? I don't know. i couldn't even get i don't comprehend that at all quizzle says just a silly little guy saying a silly little
slur yeah that's all buck buckles says it's going to be an interest it's going to be interesting to
see how the farms react to turkey tom being on the podcast, or if they do, this will be interesting. Are people still worried about what Kiwi Farms is saying?
I don't know.
That site has been banished to fucking Tor.
Yeah, Keffel's really...
They've been...
It turns out Keffel's chopped more than one dick's off.
Seeing how a large segment of his audience
are straight from there
and are thoroughly on board with the hysteria
surrounding Vito and Dick, shit's got potential to be real funny i don't know uh cody
bradshaw every time veto hears free markets he always brings up selling poison to kids a good
example it is in fact not a good example it's a great example why because if you need limitations
on a free market you need you know truth, truth in advertising Laws, you need
I mean, having the FDA
Is great, you can make a bunch of arguments
For it, having the FAA is great
You don't know anything
About the FAA
What do I not know about the FAA?
What do you know about the FAA?
I know that they handle air traffic, whatever the hell
Do you know anything about like
Their history or anything about them other than that they exist?
Oh, my God.
This is always the thing.
It's like, well, I have a little bit of expert trivia on them.
Therefore, you're not allowed to have an opinion on it.
Actually, it was established in 1926 in reaction to the...
It doesn't matter.
The point is that it's a good system.
Okay.
I don't need to know exactly what airplane crashed into what to form it.
I don't think the kids one is a good example because it's like, you could also say, well,
we need the free, instead of like poisoning kids, you could say like, well, what if I
opened like a clothing store and when you walked in, I stabbed you.
Like, isn't that kind of the same thing, but it's retarded sounding.
So people don't go, oh yeah, well, when you say poison kids are like oh wow my heart i can't say fuck the kids
should i be allowed to lie when i sell a product uh yeah okay legally so you want to get rid of
like a lemon law that like for instance you can't sell a guy a car that clearly doesn't work and
i think you could be sued for that okay well then that's a law no no no a law is. You can't sell a guy a car that clearly doesn't work, and I think you could be sued for that
That's a lot no no no laws like you can't do it at all okay?
Civil all right anyway civil penalties no yeah, yeah
Fuck the free market, okay, you like I well you know you want a mostly free market You don't want like an infinitely free market. That's the point
It's like you guys want your infinite free speech or whatever okay? You can't want like an infinitely free market That's the point It's like you guys Who want your infinite free speech
Or whatever
Okay
You can't have it
Sorry
Why
Cause there's problems
And we don't have enough time
To go into them right now
Seamoss says
Vito blown out by Turkey Tom
Kablamo
Yeah I got destroyed
Um
24
That's pretty nice
I'm not gonna yell at an 18 year old kid
Oh
Uh
Joking I'm just gonna wait for An 18 year old kid Oh Joking
I'm just gonna wait for him
To have a pedophile
Discord server
And now
Now he can never
Say anything ever again
Shut it down
See what a cock blocker
He cut down the whole discord
What a cock blocker
That's not the term
Those kids wanted to get off
Stop it
How do you know
They're actually
16 or 15
Or whatever they
Got busted saying
He had a pedophile
Roleplay Discord server
I don't know what's going on
Let's see Charles Kahn says
Finally the gay ratio
To Dick's straight ratio is balanced out
Oh that's a compliment
Cody says it's weird
It is weird that Vito and Dick both sound like Rosie O'Donnell
Do you think we sound the same
I mean we have like
We both have radio voices I think
Is what it is, I think all these people are watching idiot
Streamers, who just sound like
Fucking idiot cartoon characters all the time
Yeah, me and you have both
Developed very classic radio voices
That are soothing and nice to listen to
Hey, you're listening to the biggest problem in the universe
Wow, coming up on the show we got a lot of fun
Problems for you, yeah, okay, we got a lot of fun problems for you.
Yeah.
Okay.
We understand like classic broadcasting and people go, oh, they all sound the same.
Sound the same?
No, we sound soothing and natural and nice.
I've never been told that we sound the same other than by like-
PKA, we had like, there was literally like hundreds of people upvoting tweets or whatever
saying, they sound exactly the same.
I think Vito's copying Dick's vocal mannerisms.
The PKA listeners though, they're, I mean, they're like bottom of the barrel, dumb. They sound exactly the same. I think Vito's copying Dick's vocal mannerisms.
The PKA listeners, though, they're like bottom of the barrel, dumb.
No.
I already told you my plan is to cannibalize the entire PKA audience and convert them to biggest problem.
We love them.
Okay.
Do we have anything?
What was I going to say?
I have one big thing.
Let's hear it. I want to announce.
As of right now, there's probably about 30 hours left.
Oh.
In the Super Killer Indiegogo campaign.
Wow.
This is your last chance.
Get in before the deadline.
That's all I can say.
Look, we're over $60,000.
Yeah.
We're at about 1,100 backers. We're at about 1,100 backers.
1,100?
1,100.
Wow.
More than 1,000.
That's a lot.
So it's been a smash success.
Look, if it ended today, it would be great.
But let's push it a little farther.
If you've been holding out on getting it, please do.
And I will deeply appreciate you.
And you are officially a member of my surrogate family.
If you do so, you are my internet son
and I love you very much.
I remember you saying that.
Here's another one.
Today we're going to do the first Vito loses weigh-in.
Okay.
I hope you miss this by the amount of popcorn that you stole.
I'm worried that I gained weight.
Let's say that this first month is like a trial.
This is like a trial.
I mean, I'll still take the strike if I got to take the strike.
And yes, you have to.
You know, you have six months to lose 30 pounds and you started at what?
310?
Yeah.
I got to go back and look at the exact number.
I think it was 310.2.
I think it was 310.2.
So if today you haven't lost five pounds, if you're not at 305.2 or less
You get a strike
Yeah
And if I get three strikes
And if you get three strikes
You lose all that money
Right
That's free money
That you could spend on
Final Fantasy figurines
Or popcorn
Your own popcorn
Stop it with the popcorn
Alright
Next time you can split the popcorn
I'm not
Alright
If you think that I'm splitting
Popcorn with you ever again
You are living in another universe
It's too much popcorn
We should split it
I will take the smaller half
Uh huh
I should have done the thing
One guy splits it
The other guy picks
Yeah but I want the tub
So take the tub then
I did
Okay well then you split it
And take the tub
You should have bumped it a little back then you split it and take the tub.
You should have bumped it a little back.
Tell you what, I'll take five pieces of popcorn.
You can have the whole other fucking thing.
All right?
I don't care that much.
I wanted some popcorn to see Indiana Jones.
Those movie theater seats were nice though.
They were nice.
That was a nice theater.
Okay, here's my problem is stacked trivia teams.
You can't.
Trivia cheaters.
Trivia cheaters. I went doing bar trivia with Sean and Randy on Wednesday and
We must have missed we probably missed maybe six questions the whole time. Yeah, you guys were nailing it
Yeah, and like and we got third Wow, so the other two cheat teams were obviously cheating
Well, you know, are you looking around to see?
Yeah, and you did you see any evidence of cheating
Or just know in your bones?
How are you gonna not miss?
They probably missed like two questions
The whole time
Probably cheating mistakes
If I'm honest
It depends on the makeup of the team
Sometimes you got a dream team
No, no one's that good
because if you get too many smart guys
in the same place,
then they start disagreeing.
It's just impossible
that you would have a team
of six guys
able to not make any mistakes
so consistently
that my team always gets
like third, fifth, eighth.
What was the prize for the night?
I don't know. It's always the same. It's some
stupid bar prize.
Yeah, bar dollars. Like one drink
off or something like that. Fifty bucks off
or something like that. I'm saying if it was a shitty prize,
they're probably not cheating.
If it's significant though.
You know people. They cheat at everything.
Pokemon,
fucking popcorn, all rampant with fraud
yeah and cheating right this is just another example that we go in the week before that
and there's a whole table of girls it's like seven people on this team yeah that's cheat that's a
violation was there anything over six yeah six or you're out and they're over here giggling on their phones exactly
Probably looking up answers. Yeah, you do Bart trivia
I'll haven't done part trivia in forever because I mean you bring up a good point that it seems like a tainted enterprise
That it's like maybe back in the day before everyone had a fucking computer in their pocket It was kind of fun, but now it's like maybe back in the day Before everyone had a fucking computer In their pocket
It was kind of fun but now it's like
It's bullshit
And now you have to do the answers on the phones
Because of COVID
Due to COVID you can't do it on a piece of paper anymore
So you submit it and then you hit submit
So everyone is on their phone all the time
So you can't even have
There's no like paper thing anymore
Everything's on the phone
Is there like a strict
time limit though so maybe you wouldn't have time to look it up there's enough there's plenty of
time to look it up there's always like it's always like a game of one or two questions
that these guys who win are obviously cheating on every time i gotta give you like one minute
to get your answer in because then they gotta have a they gotta have a monitor from every team on the other team making sure they don't cheat.
Who's going to go to bar trivia if one member of your team has to sit at a table with strangers
and monitor them for cheating?
That's the worst plan I've ever heard.
I don't know, but something's got to be done.
You're not allowed to drink with us.
You have to go over there.
You have to sit with strangers and monitor their trivia questions.
I'm sick of getting third max at trivia,
and I know we're getting hard answers,
but there's no fucking way they're getting these impossible,
almost guesses that my team is also getting.
There's no way every time.
There's no way that
we're losing every time unless it's cheating unless you're just taking it a little too
seriously maybe they're just really good at trivia nobody is that good you don't know that
every time we're getting third fifth ninth sometimes sometimes we just quit because we're
so upset that we're losing so bad Well what they should do
Here's what I would do
Is cut to the top
Like four teams
Or whatever
Yeah
You know
Because then everybody
Can cheat
And it's a free for all
And who fucking cares
Cheat as much as you want
But then
Like the final questions
You should have to come up
And like have like a face off
With somebody else
Yeah okay
Family feud style
Or something
Something where everyone can see
Yeah
And this guy's standing 40 feet away
Up at the front of the bar
Reading the questions badly
Mispronouncing basically everything
Not no
Oh, really?
He wasn't a good host?
No, he's great
Well
Was it a
Was it a
One of the
I remember seeing job applications
To like host trivia nights
But there's like organizations that do it
Is this organized by the bar
Or is it like a
Separate guy who comes
Well I'm just saying maybe you could clean up this whole organization
Maybe you should run the trivia organization
Next time I'm going to call them out for cheating
Yeah
Just stand up and go cheat
I fucking know that you're cheating over there
They should put a microphone Even if they're not it's still smart It's a smart move because if they are Yeah. You guys are cheating. Just stand up and go cheat. I fucking know that you're cheating over there.
They should put a microphone.
Even if they're not, it's still smart.
It's a smart move because if they are, they'll stop.
And if they're not, nothing bad will happen. You should accuse one of them of cheating, pull them into the bathroom, and then you
both come out in blackface.
And you go, that guy, not only is he cheating at the quiz, but he blackfaced me.
Yeah.
I don't know what you do about this problem.
I think bar trivia is just fundamentally flawed.
I googled bar trivia cheating.
Right.
And I get a bunch of articles like,
so I did cheat and I justified it to myself.
Like, what the hell is this?
Was the guy winning hundreds of bar dollars?
Yeah, I think so.
He did win.
Yeah.
So it's disturbing to imagine that this is happening to me every week.
Well, I mean, you bring up a good point.
That's why I, you know, I have buddies who play Magic the Gathering professionally.
You're cheating.
What are they, how do they fix it there?
Well, I assume that some of them were cheating.
But, I mean, there's videos of pros just cheating on camera.
Even in chess there's cheating.
Remember that guy with the butt plug or something?
All right, well, we never proved that.
That was a theory.
Yeah, but it was obvious that he was cheating.
See, it's just like the same thing that happened to me.
You can sense it.
I am a pro-level trivia master.
Are you a trivia enthusiast?
Yeah, in fact, we had to offset the cheating
by then saying that our double down, you get one double down per game.
Okay.
By saying that the computer didn't catch our double down on the round that we did the best at.
Just to counteract their cheating.
So you cheated and you demanded that they double down your round.
Yes, I don't want to do that, but we have to do it.
Okay.
So then it's just a game.
The game means nothing anymore because everyone's
cheating. Do you see
the problem? If you're not justifying cheating by saying everyone else
is cheating, then they're probably doing the same
thing. Yeah, but I didn't start it. They did.
You don't know that. I would have been perfectly happy
just getting a normal score and winning
fairly. And winning. Fairly.
But if you lose,
they're cheating. No way they ain't. There's no
way they got. Who do you go to this trivia with? Who is on your team? My girlfriend, they're cheating. No way they ain't. There's no way they got.
Who do you go to this trivia with?
Who is on your team?
My girlfriend, Sean, and Randy.
There's no way.
That's not a dream team.
Third place?
By two.
We only missed it by two this time.
Who's the weakest link on the team?
Oh, come on.
What are you, trying to start a fight for me this evening?
She's a teacher.
That's not... Well, what are you going to do?
All right.
How do they stop it in magic?
The gathering with your friend.
Well, I mean,
you got to catch
the other guy cheating.
You can't stop bouncing
the table.
I know.
I got fucking microphones
going like this the whole time.
I got restless leg syndrome.
I've decided.
It's a real syndrome
That is a real syndrome
Just calm down
Your leg
I like to shake my leg
Um
Yeah and magically
I think there's a lot of videos
Of them catching cheaters
That they just
They'll you know
Draw extra cards
A common cheat in magic
Despicable
Play a land
Then do a bunch of other shit
And then play another land
Like you haven't already
Played a land this turn
Ooh Jumping ahead
In the game yeah or tapping all the
Mana and then like saving some
There's a Japanese pro player who'd won
You know he was one of the top players he had his own card
And everything and they're like well we noticed
That you put in indentation on
All the cards that you want to draw
So that you know what's on top of your deck at any
Point in time he's like no
They just came that way.
And they're like, they definitely did not come that way.
You like specifically marked his deck.
Yeah.
Wow.
And he was like, again, like a top pro.
I think he's banned now.
Yeah.
The weird thing with magic, though, is that like rarely do they hand out.
You should just lifetime ban these people.
Sometimes they ban them.
They're like, in two years, he'll stop cheating.
I'm like, no.
Burn all their cards.
Right in front of them. Burn their whole collection their whole asshole yeah hey you're cheating over there here's some fucking lighter fluid and fire fucking tap this bitch well anytime that stakes enter in
have you ever cheated at anything uh no you know what's interesting i was recently thinking of a
situation involving trivia so back when i was writing for video game websites
yeah the nintendo 3ds had come out yeah so nintendo sent me an email they're like we're
doing this thing in a bar to promote the nintendo 3ds and you know you come play it and check it out
or whatever it was a really weird uh promo event like nobody showed up but i was like i don't know
if i'm gonna go to that and they're like here's the fact sheet where you know all the things you
need to know about the Nintendo three DS.
And I opened the fact sheet and it goes trivia question.
It's for tonight's trivia game in which the prize, the prize is a Nintendo three DS.
And I'm like, oh, they sent me the trivia answers instead of the fact sheet.
And I'm like, well, if I can win a free Nintendo system, there's kind of no reason not to memorize
it.
Yeah. Only you memorize it? Yeah.
Only you got it?
I don't know if they sent it to anybody else,
but they sent it to me, and I looked at it,
and it was just all the answers to the trivia questions.
So I went, and I won a Nintendo 3DS,
which at the time was like a $200 thing.
So, yeah, maybe that was scummy.
Were people pissed off? Well well they didn't know that i
they were just like wow he's so smart he knows all this i know my not me i know i know they're
cheating there's no way because i was performing at maximum level it's impossible that there was
someone performing that well or better especially in the last round i i do like bar trivia it's sad that you can't uh
you know trust people to not cheat yeah but sometimes when there's when there's a prize
on the line people just you do justify as small as 50 well so if there was something even bigger
than that i think they've looked imagine the amount of cheating that would go on they've
looked into the psychology of people who cheat at games. And what it comes down to is, well, I deserved to win because I'm a better player in general.
Like, especially like Magic.
They're like, well, I deserve to win.
I deserve to win this game.
Yeah.
The only reason I was going to lose was because the cards were not coming up in my favor.
I'm a better player.
But I'm a better player.
So morally, I deserve to win. Yeah. Same with like poker and whatever else. Like you guys cheat at poker. They go, well, morally, I'm a better player. But I'm a better player, so morally, I deserve to win.
Yeah, right.
Same with like poker
and whatever else.
Like you guys cheat at poker,
they go,
well, morally,
I'm a better poker player,
so in the laws of the universe
should give me this win.
And that's what these awful
trivia cheaters
are probably doing.
They're saying,
I'm so smart.
You know,
that question was worded badly.
I deserve to get that one right.
All right,
maybe I'll just call it
Trivial Cheaters.
Trivial Cheaters.
To include Magic the Gathering and Chess.
Cheating at Trivial Pursuits.
Okay.
Whatever you want to do.
Cheating at Trivial Pursuits.
Well, I mean, then people are going to think of the board game.
Which I haven't played in forever.
Okay, go ahead.
Your problem.
Dick, there's been...
Are you ready?
Are you excited for your weigh-in?
No, it's...
I don't know.
I have not been weighing myself at all
just to like to be like well i'm trying some new things if it results in me losing weight that's
awesome and if it doesn't then that means i gotta try something else what are you trying
just eating less stuff okay you know or eating at better times. Okay. You know, but I honestly haven't sacrificed too much.
And that's what I'm going to do.
I'm worried I might need to make more sacrifices.
Ah, don't be too hard on yourself yet.
My feeling is with the Ozempic that I have been less like food cravings
where I just run and eat something.
But then my problem is that I'm probably going to,
maybe I'm just like going to plateau and not go up,
which is not helpful either.
Okay.
We'll see.
Dick, an exciting news article.
Well, I don't know if it's exciting, but it is important.
The Supreme Court has strunk down affirmative action at school admissions and you may no
longer use.
Jesus Christ.
Take that black people.
Boom.
Stop.
Boom.
Nope.
Bam.
Not disavow. Disavow. Boom. This applies to more that, black people. Boom, bop, boom, bam. Nope, not disavow, disavow.
Boom, bop, boom, bam.
This applies to more than just black people.
We got it.
We got it.
The visual has been delivered.
I got it.
I understand.
Bop, bop, bop, bop, bop.
Not so tough now.
Boom, bop.
God damn it.
Due to this decision, stop with no, you don't need the elbow.
It's not helpful.
People's elbows. Supreme Court. Okay. Clear stop need the elbow. It's not helpful.
Supreme Court.
Okay.
Clear stop is considered.
Boom.
Bah.
Stop it.
Bah.
Accepted into all eight Ivy League schools.
Bah.
Bah.
Boom.
Boom.
Boom.
Look, this is a serious, serious topic.
Boom.
Bah.
Stop punching out theoretical applicants
God damn it
I'm punching out discrimination against white people
Yeah, okay
And Asians, we're helping Asians as well
Actually, this probably hurts white people
I don't, well
Asians and Indians will wipe out
Yeah, take over the
Take over the schools
This will make it, you know, no longer legal To use race as a factor when determining who to admit into the school.
There are going to be some interesting loopholes that have already presented themselves, though, where, you know, they can still look at your college essay where you talk about how hard it is to be a disadvantaged.
To be black.
Yeah, exactly.
The worst thing that happened to me was the Supreme Court said I can't get in just for being black anymore.
That's a pretty good, That's a pretty good essay.
Oh, wow, that's very affected by his race.
Oh, man, we've got to get that perspective in here.
It has nothing to do with his race.
But this really cuts to the real core of the problem.
And it's an uncomfortable topic.
The Civil Rights Act.
No, that's your topic.
Out, gone. Okay, you can save that for some other time
You used up that problem
Thankfully
And then what do you know a month later
They're fucking chiseling away at it
They've been watching the podcast the Supreme Court
Clarence Thomas maybe
Probably banging his wife listening to this show
It's like ooh I hope that
Vito misses his wig.
Ooh, heavens.
Is that Clarence Thomas' voice?
It is if I find a little guy and cut his mouth out.
Stop, Jesus Christ.
Anyway, my problem that we are so distracted from.
Mrs. Thomas.
I don't fucking know.
Clarence Thomas' wife's name.
Why do you want to know the
name of his wife?
Ooh, Virginia.
The current one is Virginia Thomas.
How Vito misses that?
He's a big RVer. He just goes
around. Yeah, meeting people.
Yeah, that's pretty cool.
Seems like a fun guy, Clarence Thomas.
Yeah.
Okay, so my problem,
which I'm trying to get to,
is the black
white test score gap.
Dick.
I know.
I know.
It's uncomfortable.
Not for me.
What we,
the problem that we're facing,
okay, is that African Americans score lower than What we The problem that we're facing Okay
Is that African Americans score lower
Than European Americans
On vocabulary reading and math tests
As well as on tests
That measure scholastic aptitude
And intelligence
I know I don't want to talk about it
But I feel like we have to talk about it
You're a liberal you have to talk about this
The gap appears before children Talk about it. But I feel like we have to talk about it. You're a liberal. You have to talk about this.
The gap appears before children enter kindergarten and persists into adulthood.
And by closing the black white test score gap, that would probably do more to promote racial equality in the United States
than any other strategy now under serious discussion.
The real problem of inequality is blacks and whites are not, you know, testing the same.
Testing the same.
Yeah, it's a big problem.
It's a very, very big problem.
So what do you propose to do about that?
The proposal part is where it gets a little too much.
You're going to, which side are you going to approach that from?
There's no right answer here.
Let's see.
Have you ever seen that dog agility course?
Where they fucking bounce around?
Please don't bring up dogs right now.
In any respect.
Just don't.
Please.
Whatever metaphor you're attempting
You know why that Titanic sub squished?
Why?
Because the ocean was too hard
Yeah
That's what it is
We gotta lighten it up
We gotta lighten it up
Yeah
Any ocean
Any sub could get down there
Now traditional explanations
For the black white test score gap
Have unfortunately
Not stood up well
To the test of time
What?
Starting in the 1960s
Liberals would blame the gap on some combination of black poverty,
racial segregation, or inadequate funding of black schools.
Oh.
But since the 60s, the number of affluent black families has grown dramatically, yet
their children's test scores still lag far behind those of white children from equally
affluent families.
I just can't believe I'm hearing this on this.
This is, it sounds like the kill stream.
It's not the kill stream.
Let's get Mark Collette in here.
It's not the kill stream.
We're not bringing in Mark Collette.
Okay.
But we have to acknowledge this is at the core of the affirmative action thing.
The affirmative action thing has always been, listen,
we can't figure out how
to get these test scores to line up.
So therefore,
the solution is to eradicate
the testing or dismiss
the testing. Just dismiss it.
Well, at this point, I think they say now less
than half of college applicants
are submitting SAT scores or
ACT scores, so the SATs
are going away. Yeah, schools, a lot of schools now no longer consider SAT scores or ACT scores. So the SATs are going away.
Yeah, schools, a lot of schools now no longer consider SAT scores whatsoever.
And what's the point of any of it?
I don't.
What's the point of college even?
Well, I mean, college has kind of lost its point in general.
It's like higher education is, I don't know why it exists or for what.
It exists in this, like, it's going to make all these kids smart.
And you're like, that's not what happens.
That doesn't happen at college.
It used to.
It used to, I guess.
We used to have, yes, yes, yes, yes.
We used to have very smart people.
Come out of college, university.
Who would go into university and talk to other very smart people and then make the world a better place.
And specialize in a meaningful skill.
Yeah, and then we turned it into a debt.
Adult playground.
Well, then we turned it into a debt generation mechanism.
Right.
And used black people to do it in like the 70s.
Yeah, we told them, hey, everybody go to college.
It's going to be great.
Yeah.
You guys, you dummies that went to war, go to college.
You guys, we could still wring some blood out of your bones.
Go to college.
We monetized the hell out of it.
We built a bunch of facilities, and we told every American that the path to upwards mobility for you and your family
was for you to give all your money to a dumb box that teaches you nothing.
Unless you're Asian, you're going to be fine.
If you're Asian, what, you can't get into school?
Yeah, go home.
No, that's what the whole lawsuit was about, wasn't it?
Well, the lawsuit was about that Harvard, you know, was like, listen, we got too many
of these Asians.
Asians, sure.
Yeah, if you're Asian, you got to get like 500 points above a black guy to get in.
Yeah, you have to be the best Asian to get into school. And if you want to get into school as a black guy, it's like, eh, just be a black guy to get in. Yeah, you have to be the best Asian to get into school.
And if you want to get into school as a black guy, it's like, just be a black guy.
Are you fun?
You got like a cool story to tell?
Lady would be better.
Black lady would be better, but we'll take some black guys.
Yeah, exactly.
Lady would be better.
Yeah.
Do you think that everyone's going to get sued because of this?
This is like the best thing that ever happened.
The affirmative action getting whacked.
This is a situation where we can no longer just go,
well, you know, it'll just figure itself out.
Thank God for Trump, right?
Thank God for Trump.
Best president.
Who would have thought that Trump could personally
reverse the Civil Rights Act?
Just by virtue of existing. I don't want all civil rights to go away
I do agree, look
Affirmative action in college admissions
Yeah
Is fucking weird
It's fucking weird that to be an Asian kid
You can't just be an average Asian kid
You have to be the best Asian kid who ever existed
Yeah
If you're a black kid, whatever
We want any of you, so who cares
Not dismissively but according
to finding forrester it's very good for even doing that much is good i mean what do you say what are
you saying to a population when you tell them like you know if you were asian you would have
to try really hard but because you're black it's cool to not try as hard or no they're what they're
actually saying is worse they're saying that the amount of work that it takes for you to get in as an asian and be like this super exceptional individual
yeah is identical to the amount of work that it takes a black guy to do to not do that much less
that yeah which i don't i mean i i'm just like a guy i don't know if that's true or not true i'm
just a guy government says that so i guess i mean they say the election's safe and covid's real and
those are both true.
So I guess whatever they're saying about race stuff is true too.
I don't know.
The point that this article I made says is that we need to examine possible ways to close the gap.
Now, there have been jumps and that's promising.
That jumps in what?
Well, in the narrowing this gap.
Yeah.
So ever since the 1970s, as we have improved school standards, that gap has narrowed.
Okay.
We also see that the gap narrows when a black child has white parents, like adopted parents.
So don't, I mean, that's not a negative thing to.
Mark Collette, get in here. Get on the horn right away. No, that's not a negative thing to... Mark Collette, get in here.
Get on the horn right away.
No, it's just maybe there's something about the white method of parenting and community.
Like what?
Just, you know, white people, we really...
Very protective of our children.
Helicopter parenting.
Who gets the best scores, though?
Let's use them.
Well, Asians, but they torture their kids.
Is there anybody that's right above them in IQ testing?
There might be a certain religious group
that is very dominant at certain IQ tests.
Okay, but again, they have a very tightly knit community.
Yeah.
You know? Do you think if we had a culture that said like oh football
Yeah that's dumb
You think that would be better for IQ
That might be helpful
I know a couple ones do
I think some cultures
Football dumb
I don't know if they teach the kids
They don't have to teach them
Another interesting factoid
Is that a lot of the gap
Disappears
In cities where
That are less racially segregated
So in cities where black kids
And white kids are interacting with each other
And forming like a collective culture
The black kids are performing better
Than in segregated districts
Where there is less chance for them to Intermingle with you know White and Asian kids collective culture, the black kids are performing better than in segregated districts where
there is less chance for them to mingle with, you know, white and Asian kids.
Well, that's how do they measure it?
Like Baltimore?
They're not doing well.
They're looking at demographic data of the cities and correlating it with test scores.
Okay.
Point is.
So forced diversity.
That's what you're saying.
Yeah.
Yeah.
How's that working for Paris're saying? Yeah, yeah. Is a solution.
How's that working for Paris right now?
Or France?
Like, man, do you really?
What?
What?
I'm trying to make this not an alt-right problem, all right? You don't get to bring up.
I'm saying I don't want it.
What are you talking about?
Wait, what's wrong with France?
That they don't have enough diversity?
They're currently in a civil war.
Yeah, because they killed that kid.
Okay.
Yeah, because they killed that kid.
Look, all I know is we had this temporary little fix where we're like,
listen, black kids are not getting good test scores,
so we're just going to give them a pass and let them into college.
That's now gone.
Who's we?
The good people.
The liberals.
Okay.
We said, we don't have a real solution, so here's a fake one.
Yeah.
We tried it for a while.
It didn't work.
And now you evil Republicans have taken it away.
You know?
Yeah.
And now we've got to come up with something else.
Because the Asian people said, it's hurting us.
And we're like, oh, shit.
It's hurting Asians, bro.
Get them in there.
Get these fucking Asians in there.
Everybody, that white shit's hurting Asian people, too.
And they're like, what?
No way.
It is?
Oh, awesome.
Ka-ching.
It is true.
And it hurts the Jews as well, I'm sure.
Well, they have legacy admissions or something.
Point is, we had a little idea.
The idea was, well, let's just let them into college anyway.
We can't do that now.
Kind of a dumb idea.
So the best thing to do would be to figure out a way that they can get into college on their own recognizance.
Why is Tony from Hack the Movies calling me?
I don't know
I don't know
Did we get
Did we get clipped live?
No I hope not
Call
Answer it
It's better be good Tony
Tony what?
You're fucking retarded
That movie fucking sucked you
Tony
Tony we're on our show right now
Yo, we're doing a podcast, you idiot
Good, I'm going to open it up
You're a fucking liar
That's the worst Indiana Jones piece of shit I've ever seen
That was not that bad
You're an idiot
Oh my god
Oh, fuck you to hell
Go hack a movie, you retard
Alright, Tony from Hack the Movies wants us to know
That the new Indiana Jones is not that good
Great Okay Thanks, Tony It was the Movies wants us to know that the new Indiana Jones is not that good. Great.
Okay. Thanks, Tony. It was better than 4.
It was definitely better. It's not that
bad. I don't know. How is it that
bad? I don't know, man.
I had fun with it. Yeah. Point is, I want
black people. We're going to figure out how to get your test scores
up. You should go to
you should go down to Compton
and find someone doing bench presses
in their yard and tell
them how they should read a book about Jordan Peterson's 12 rules.
Yeah.
What are you even talking about?
What's the problem?
The problem is that black people are not performing well at testing, indicating...
Why?
Okay, so what are the possible explanations for the bad test scores?
Well, according to some black people, maybe the tests are a problem and we got to get rid of those.
Or maybe there's something else.
What else could it be?
I don't know.
We're going to figure it out.
Do you think it's the tests?
I don't know, sir.
Do you think that there's a problem with the testing scores between women and men?
I don't know.
Oh, yeah.
Let me help you out there.
Yeah.
You think there's a problem with the math scores between women and men?
The point is there's clearly some problem that we need to figure out. It's sad that we had this, you know, beautiful liberal idea that the problem was lack of funding and upward mobility and incomes.
Yeah.
That's been proven to not be the problem.
I don't know. Black people
would probably be doing better if the Federal Reserve
didn't exist.
I think, again, a lot of it is, I think a lot of it's
going to come down to
we have very different cultural
beliefs. Oh.
And, again, where they say
like if you put a black kid with a white family,
they teach them all this white stuff.
I don't know why that's offensive.
If I said put him with a Chinese family and he learned Chinese stuff, then he's all, like, fucking good at math and shit.
That would be fine.
I mean, except for that last part that I added on to the end of it.
But that's what you think.
Well, it's you learn from, you know, role models.
You think lacking up Black dads for drugs
Is probably bad
I think yeah
We
Start there
I mean yeah
The single parent household
Is a big problem
You think
You think combining
All companies
Into like
A handful of
Mega corporations
Is maybe bad
For like
Black business owners
Yes
If you want to start a company
Yes
Yeah you think that might be bad.
So there you go.
There's lots of potential answers.
So maybe this like IQ
and like testing shit
doesn't matter.
It's all the banking stuff
that's fucking everybody.
Well, the banking is fucking up
the IQs
because then you don't have
a vibrant, thriving community
in which to grow.
Yeah.
I'll tell you this.
I don't like this Gattaca shit
where it's like,
well, the testing scores means you
access this this level of like being a human where you're meeting other smart people like this game
that they have us engaged in is really highly offensive to me yeah so the whole like i kind
of reject the premise of like well you're not allowed to talk about this because it's racist
i say like well you know yeah women just aren't
as good as men at math which is fine yeah it's fine it doesn't fucking matter right yeah because
the real problem is everything in the whole world is owned by six companies yeah because of interest
rates and banks that's the fucking problem that would solve a lot of problems for a lot of
communities yeah but we got to get rid of the civil rights stuff too. Now I have these IQ scores here. No, we're not doing
that.
The problem is the black white
test score gap.
I mean, it
is a problem. Yeah, okay. It is
a problem. I'm not saying I have the solution. Black and white.
I like that you made it a pun too.
Test score. Is it a pun?
Well, yes, because it's black
and white people and also black and white.
The dichotomy.
Yes.
You're also saying that the dichotomy is an issue.
Well, I didn't come up with that.
That's the actual clinical term for it.
The black and white test score gap?
The black and white test score gap.
You can look it up.
Actually, don't look it up.
If you look it up, please look it up.
Go to the daily.
No, no, no.
Please look it up
in a reputable
scholarly scientific journal.
Okay, my problem is charity fraud.
Do you know what
charity fraud is? The IRS.
That's fraud involving a charity.
Yeah, I found that definition.
Oh, does the IRS define charity fraud?
Yeah.
It's estimated that charitable organizations will lose 5% of their revenue each year due to fraud.
Wow, can you believe that?
That's a lot of fraud.
Should I have had that?
Hold on.
Can't believe Tony hated Indiana Jones.
Charity fraud schemes seek donations for organizations that do little or no work.
How about that?
So the charity itself does little.
Instead, the money goes to the fake charity's creator.
That's pretty bad.
Well, these scams can happen at any time.
They're especially prevalent after high-profile disasters.
Yeah, you know, criminals often use tragedies to exploit you.
Charity fraud scams can come to you in many forms.
Emails, social media, crowdfunding platforms wow uh cold calls etc always use
caution please use caution when engaging on crowdfunding platforms yeah so like say if you
were to say funding platforms that are just put up by a guy as opposed to on a reputable crowdfunding
yeah yeah yeah so if you were to say like, okay, buy a, like if you,
you have a comic book, right?
Sure.
Super Killer.
Super Killer.
Now on Indiegogo.
And you have 30 hours left
to get that.
30 hours remaining
to get a copy.
So if you put,
if you were to put copies up
at half price,
how much is a copy
of Super Killer?
I go,
I'm selling them for $25.
So if you said,
I'm going to put it up for
$12.50.
$12.50.
Yeah.
Because that's my cost, right? Right. And if you said, that's my cost put it up for $1,250, because that's my cost, right?
Right.
And if you said, that's my cost, like when all is said and done, that's how much I'm paying.
Take my word for it.
So you can get a charity copy for Superkiller at $1,250 at cost.
And then I'm going to give this to a comic book, a guy that gives comic books to kids with cancer.
Sick kids, wow.
Sick kids with cancer.
Are going to get a comic book if you give me $12.50.
Yeah, and then everyone said, oh, man, that's awesome.
Here's a bunch of hair.
I don't want sick kids to not have comic books.
Send 10 kids a copy of your I Love Everything that you're doing.
Yeah.
Well, what could be a problem with that?
That's charity fraud.
Oh, no. What? How, Dick? How? Because you're not allowed. That's charity fraud Oh no
What
How Dick
How
Because you're not allowed
To charge
Your operating expenses
For a product
That you're giving away
Really
Yeah you're not
That's called profit
Right
That's called charity fraud
Right
What you are allowed to do
Is collect money for it
What you are allowed to do is give product away
Write it off, I'm giving a thousand copies
Of I mean Super Killer
To somebody and I'm writing that off
At about $4,000 worth of charity
But what you're not allowed to do
Is charge 17 bucks
And say here's a bunch of fucking comics
Did you look
Did you talk to anybody about this?
Did you look this up?
At Eric July's
Charity thing
No I just
An unrelated topic
That we're not talking about
Right now
That Eric July was offering
Charity copies of Isom
For 17.50
For 17 bucks
Which is half of his
35 dollar asking price
For two sick kids
With cancer
Right
So we contacted
That charity
Comic books for kids
Is there enough Backstory for comic books for kids
okay yeah and at first i thought maybe i shouldn't talk about this because i don't want to fuck up
that guy's deal the comic book charity guys sure yeah but then i thought ah fuck it
all right so well let me let me losses. Charity fraud losses are up 44%.
Wow.
2022, wow.
Because of all the GoFundMe shit.
Because you can just say anything.
You can just say I have cancer.
Run anything, however you want.
Collect tons of money, right?
Go ahead.
What were you going to say?
Like my fraud where I tell people I need money to make a comic book,
but I'm just going to run away with it and go, no, no, there's no fraud there.
Could be.
Potentially.
I mean, I could be lying, yeah.
Yeah.
Anybody could be. You got to look into these things I mean, I could be lying, yeah. Yeah. Anybody could be.
You got to look into these things.
You got to trust the person running it.
Yeah.
Like the American Red Cross, for example.
Yeah, there's some Kickstarters out there that have never delivered their goods.
Because I've been arguing with people online after I spurged out.
After I asked some simple questions of, well, how much of this money that Eric July's raking in,
is he giving to the charity?
Because it should be,
you know,
let me,
let me make this very clear for people.
So if you have,
if the cost to print your book is five bucks and then you charge somebody 1750 to donate it to charity,
that means you've made it $12 and 5050 And they've donated $5 to charity
Yeah
You've donated nothing
You, the person selling the book
You have actually made a profit
Disguised as a charitable contribution
I think you might have made $17
I gotta check on that
Well, it's not pure profit
Because the cost of the book itself
You can give shit away and write it off
But I don't know if you can take money for it
and then give it away.
I don't know if that's the same.
I'm thinking of a charity bake drive. Are you
allowed to recoup the
cost of what it costs you to make the
flour and the eggs and everything else? Maybe.
I would think they would allow you to recoup
your basic cost. But not the
labor involved, not the fucking
guys shipping shit to the warehouse
Not all that stuff
Yeah cause you're not part of the charity
If it was the charity
The charity can recoup that
All I know is if the charity
That you're getting money for
Is not getting more than 66%
Of the money coming in
You're doing something shady
If you're making a profit from charity uh-huh you're doing
something extremely shady like the charity is ending up with no money and just a bunch of
shitty comic books that they didn't want that you could find in dumpsters all over the fucking world
that any comic shop Has storage containers
Full of
If they're ending up
With just a bunch
Of paper trash
And no money
Right
Which is what they want
Then you are
Scamming people
Well that's what's
Also complicated
Is that you go
Well we donated
A thousand books
That's technically
If my
My
The cost of the book
Is thirty five dollars
Yeah That's like we donated
$35,000
It's not though
And then you go well it's not because a thousand comic books
To that charity is worth
Nothing
You've given that charity basically nothing
Nothing
I can go on eBay right now and buy a hundred comic books
For $50
So you've given them about $500.
I don't go to Goodwill.
Not $35,000.
And drop a suit off and go, well, there's a $360 donation for you.
I think a Mexican guy will enjoy that in the bands that you've got.
Go ahead.
Tell people what happened before I get too into it.
Well, what happened was that somebody reached out and talked to the charity, right,
to find out was Eric just charging money
to give them just books?
Eric July puts up a $17 copy of ISOM,
which is exactly half of what it is,
and he says on Twitter that that's his operating expense.
That's his nut.
He's saying $17.50 Is the break even point
The break even price
Which is
I mean it's either
It's either a liar
He's an idiot
It's either a liar
He's the worst businessman
Who ever lived
Yeah
That's horrible
If you're not making a profit
I've shipped a lot of stuff
So I know
I know everything
There is
I know enough about shipping
To know that you are
Fucking up big time
If that's your
If that's your
That would mean
If that's your cause
Your precious warehouse
You must be paying a fortune
And all these employees
Or whatever else
If you can't break even
Without selling a comic
For $17.50
That's fucking nuts
So I said
Well how much is the charity
Getting of money
I know how charity works
They need money
Right
How much is this charity
Getting of money
I didn't get an answer
Because Eric July is not
Talking about me directly anymore
He's not talking about me directly
Yeah everyone got the Hey ixnay on these guys
because you're getting fucking, they're embarrassing you
and you're fucking up your brand
and they're never going to fucking stop,
so stop engaging with them because you're retarded.
I'm pretty sure Eric July went to his people and said,
don't talk about Dick Masterson and Vito Gisualdi.
They have very legitimate criticisms.
Honestly, I'm like, oh, this is nice.
Finally, these guys are not sniping me anymore.
So I said, how much is the charity getting, though?
How much of this money is the charity getting?
I need to know.
It's important.
I need to know.
You say on your website that you can get a charity deduction because you're charging people $100, $200, $300 to send kids with cancer, you shitty comic book.
How much of the money is going to the fucking charity?
How much of that?
What's the percentage?
What did you tell them? Right. So,
a listener contacted the
charity company. And this is why I said why you probably
shouldn't say this kind of stuff, because it'll fuck up this guy's deal.
But again, it's already happened. Fuck it.
Honestly, I've looked into
this charity, and it seems like
it's just a guy running it out of his garage.
Yeah. It's not like a big organization.
So this is the line that's important.
The guy said, Eric, whom I've never met, reached out to me a couple weeks ago and told me that he was an indie creator who wanted to donate books to both the kiddos and the charity.
Here it is.
Wanted to donate books to both the kiddos and the charity.
Now, this was right when I started being an asshole about the money.
Yeah.
Because I, man, I'm an asshole for fun.
I like it.
If I can say I'm doing it for kids, it's just a socially acceptable way for me to act like a psychopath.
Yeah.
See?
So this is a big opportunity for me to be cruel to people.
I think this is also, it's really important that.
It's called motivation.
Eric reached out and said he wanted to donate books.
Did he say, I'm going to charge people money for me to donate the books?
I did give him the green light to donate what he wanted.
As long as there was no nudity, profanity, or other inappropriate content in there.
But he just gave him the green light to donate books.
He didn't say, yeah, it's cool for you to sell them and then donate them.
Well, he doesn't, yeah.
But here's the thing.
If Eric did a thing where he said, listen, for every 50 books I sell, I'm going to donate one to charity.
That would be totally reasonable.
It would be stupid, but it would be fine.
Yeah.
Charging people money.
And the money, it's not clear how much money is going to charity is a big fucking problem for me.
I genuinely think he might have broke the law and is now like scrambling to cover his tracks.
He says, this is from the guy, Eric has informed me, and this was before I started on it.
Yeah.
Eric has informed me that he received donations for 800 books.
While I would have loved that to be donations of money, this year has been brutal in terms
of donations.
I think we will receive What he has committed
Which is above the books
Right? No mention of money here
It's fascinating
That he was, I was actually surprised
How honest he was where he's like
Well we actually just want money
But if he's going to send us comic books
I guess we'll take them
I was like well at least he's honest about it
It's good that he was honest because I saw this
and then just started
being a bigger jerk online.
Okay, wait, wait.
Shout out to others.
Here's the next.
Then two days later.
Yeah, well,
I would have loved this
to be donation money.
I think this was the first one.
This is the same one too.
This has been a challenge.
Checking the team.
Interestingly enough, he says, we're not
hurting for product donations as we receive
so much product. What is challenging
for us is the money to pay for
shipping, pay the lease space,
boxes, and suppliers.
I mean, like, a lot of people
are really mad at you for calling this out,
but
the guy at the charity is confirming it.
He's saying, we don't need comics
yeah we have where you know we probably have like shipping container or whatever shipping uh we
don't need comics we definitely don't need fucking no name isom comics we need superman flash these
kids have fucking cancer well they don't have 10 years to sit around waiting to see what uh isom's
powers are and why what what why jasmine's guys who own comic shops and there's
comics that go unsold and they'll just go you know what i'm just gonna donate 10 000 comics
out of my back lot because they're worth nothing and just send them to charity so a thousand isom
comics giving them to kids is like garbage yeah that's like i have to store it it's giving them
nothing so two days after i start in on the, how much money?
I mean, maybe the cancer kids can sell ice on eBay and get a little something.
They probably can.
That's smart.
A dickhead is.
Yeah.
He's seeing how high he can charge people on eBay.
No, I've been talking to that same guy.
Yeah, he's great.
Yeah, he's been doing good.
Two days after I started in with, where's the money?
Where's the money, Lebowski?
Where's the money, shithead?
This guy who we're talking to makes a post on facebook saying wow unbelievable eric july is committed
to sending us eight thousand dollars yeah so kind of a random amount isn't it kind of like a maybe
this will make it go away amount because in my mind i don't really understand how that maps to the price of.
So if I bought 10 as charity and I want a charity receipt,
like you say I can get on the website, how much of that was going?
I don't think it works like that.
I don't think I'm the giver legally.
I think you are for giving the money.
Oh, yeah, he's going to get to write the $8,000 off.
You're right.
This makes no sense.
Who gets to write off this charity?
I think I caused that.
I caused the $8,000 donation of, oh, bro, you're fucking around.
You need to give them this money.
I don't think he was breaking the law with what he's doing.
I don't think you can make money and claim it's a charitable donation.
Yeah.
Like, if I go, hey, Give me $30 To help kids with cancer
$25 of that goes to my operating costs
It's like
Well you told me $30
Was going to kids with cancer
Like
Ah
Well you know
We gotta cover this
And you know
The printing
And the blah blah blah
Yeah
If 66% is not going
To the charity
You are
You are definitely a scumbag
Yeah
But you are doing some shady shit
And this is
American Red Cross
Is like
95% goes
Or 90%
Or something like that goes
Eric's also not the first guy
To do this
I was telling you
There's another
Oh really
Well yeah
There's another Kickstarter guy
Who I was looking at his numbers
And I'm like
How did he sell so many books
And then I'm looking
And it's like
Charity
Yeah charity
It's like
People were buying this like pack for like $300
$300, I donate 10 copies of my book to charity
And I go, but you just get $300
And the charity gets 10 books
Which the value of a book to them is about 25 cents
Yeah
So you're donating them $2
Let's see the math on that then, buddy boy
Like even, you know, even your opera
They don't need books
Is at the end of the
Is that point
Yeah
It would be way better
Just fine
This is a bad charity
First of all
I mean
The idea of the charity
Is fine
Giving comic books to kids
Yeah
But the second people
Came to him and said
Hey can I sell copies
Of my book
To then donate
What's he gonna say
No
Yes no
No that's bullshit
No that
That no
I disagree
I would say I would say
I would say
Why don't you just
Get the word out there
Yeah yeah yeah
Do whatever
Get the word out
And then somebody else
Sees it
As long as it comes along
As a nice person
You know as a good person
Sure
As long as it comes along
With a monetary donation
As well
We'll be happy to promote
Your little indie book
Okay yeah
Sure
So this is the
Final email that I got
After the guy said
Yeah he's giving us eight grand
Which I caused
Which still might not even add up
It doesn't
It's still not enough
Right
Eric says he sold twelve
Twelve hundred copies
Right
At seventeen bucks a piece
And I would estimate his printing cost
At about four
Four or five dollars a copy at most
Twelve hundred
Which we mean
That's
Twelve fifty profit Two thirds of that is Thirteen thousand dollars So you're about five grand short bud Copy at most 1200 Which we mean That's 1250 profit
Two thirds of that is
$13,000
So you're about
Five grand short bud
You're about
$6,000 short
Yeah I don't know
If making a token
And he's still
Selling books for charity
And again
Pocketing
Let's go
The money
So unless
Money up bud
Cough it up
Raises the amount
Let's see that
Fucking money bro
Well
He should have a thing
On the site
That specifically
As he sells more books
For charity
The amount of money
Being donated to charity
Should also go up
Yeah
You can't just go
Here's 8 grand
Now everybody keep
Buying my book for charity
Is this breast cancer awareness
Is this a licensing fee
No
The worst part of all this though
Is all the people going
He's donating comic books
To charity
He's not
Don't you understand
He's doing a good thing
Yeah I understand No he's's doing a good thing?
Yeah, I understand.
No, he's not doing a good thing.
The worst thing is when I get told, well, they all do this.
Doctors Without Borders does not fucking pocket 90% of your money and then stitch up one hair lip in Africa, you shithead.
The whole world is not a scam.
Just what you guys do is a scam.
So this was the final email uh from the
guy i want to say one thing right now real quick if we're wrong eric can just tell us why you know
and say show me the percentage of the money that's going to the guy here how much money is going to
this guy yeah but without this information with email before where you said i'm going to give you
this and the money. Sure.
That's it. No problem. I don't care. That's all I wanted.
Yeah. If we're wrong, we'd be happy to be wrong.
But as is, we look at this and we go, looks like a scam.
Not only does this look like a scam, I genuinely think that if you went to like a lawyer or something,
you'd go, oh, this is drastically illegal.
You're going, I'm saying this almost for Eric's own benefit where I'm like,
you might get sued for charity
fraud. Like, it's not, you don't want that.
This is what he says. I was very
about the eight grand. I was very surprised.
But it does help.
I was very surprised.
It's funny. Meaning that Eric had never brought
up money ever before. When you gave me my cut
of Patreon, I wasn't very surprised.
You knew it was coming. I knew it was
coming. I kind of had a
idea in my head of where it would about be.
Wow, look at all this money.
When I gave you my Philly receipts for the coffee I bought in the airport,
maybe you were surprised.
We'll talk about that next week.
Mojombo.
Next week, we start our shipping cycle.
It'll cost us $3,500 in a lease.
Again, these guys need money
To ship the comics
They don't need
I don't want this to become
A thing where every
Like one of these
Indie comics guys
Is now gonna go
Profiting off of
Hey let's profit off
Cancer kids
Like this is bad
What is happening
Yeah
This
It also is suspicious
That the money was $17
Which is exactly
The break even cost
Cause if it's for charity
It should be
Whatever amount
Right
Like do you wanna Do it for charity Like yeah 20 bucks And all if it's for charity it should be whatever amount Right Like do you want to do it for charity?
Like yeah $20
I do not believe that Eric's break-even point is $17
When he made $3.4 million on his first comic
I do
I mean it's possible if he's like
Because look at all the people he hired
Tremendously bad at running his company
And he's actually paying all those people a full-time wage to do basically nothing
To argue on Reddit Yeah If he's doing paying all those people a full-time wage to do basically nothing. To argue on Reddit.
Yeah. Yeah. If he's doing that, then okay,
maybe he is just a terrible businessman.
Yes. Okay, what's your problem? Fascinating.
Charity fraud! Charity fraud.
You gotta watch out for it. Dick, my problem
is, maybe I'll be arguing on the
internet about charity fraud, or
any number of contentious
topics. For instance, I've been arguing with
people about Adrenochrome,
which they think is real.
Adrenochrome.
Adrenochrome.
Whatever.
It is real.
Well, it's real, but it's not what you think it is.
It's not a magic drug you harvest by terrifying children
and then pouring their blood out of their body.
And if it was true, let's be real.
If adrenochrome was literally an anti-aging drug you could get by terrifying,
we would all be on it. We would all be on it.
Sure.
We would have government labs full of children that we were terrorizing constantly.
Build me a Morty shield and fucking knock it out of them.
It wouldn't stop at rich people.
We'd find a way to terrorize kids in a good way.
Yeah, we harvest bear bile, ducks, don't we?
Yes.
Yeah.
So I would do it myself.
I would scare every child and take their blood And live forever
Yeah suck it out of their cock
Point is when I go to people and I go
Listen this mythical adrenochrome does not exist
They go well you got a source for that
Buddy or
Like let's be real
Again there was a video going around recently
You know how old videos pop up and then a bunch of
Like conspiracy theorists make the same lies about it
It's like a video of a little girl and she's crying
And they're putting her on like a
Medical table and they're going yeah
Those are organ
Harvesters in Kuwait
They cut them open and they take their organs
And then you know that gets tens of
Thousands of retweets and I go well I
Looked up what that video actually is and it's
There was an air raid on the village and a bunch of people got bombed.
And we actually did the bombing.
Yeah.
And we're, they were, it's in a, Syria.
It's a charity group that is X-raying the girl to make sure that, you know, her insides
are.
She still has her organs.
Right.
They're not cutting them out of her.
And I go, and here's a followup source of her, you know, father being like, I am very
disturbed by the number of people saying that these very nice aid workers cut up my daughter and took
her organs.
Here she is right now.
She's clearly alive.
You guys are retarded.
Yeah.
You guys are really retarded.
Right.
Yeah.
So, but the point is not that.
The point is that I go, here's all this information for you, the idiot who believes that these
children are having their organs harvested
Here it is I'll give you a link and you can read about it yourself
And then they go
You believe what you read on CNN
And I go
Fucking Christ
My problem is
Source snobs
Source snobs where
No matter what amount of information
And sources And background you provide them,
they will immediately attack the source rather than take any amount of time to try and examine what you're saying.
I remember one time I was in an argument about stocks, and I was going, you don't understand the stock market.
Here, read this article on Yahoo Finance.
And they go, you learn about finance from Yahoo?
Yahoo Finance is like one of the top stock websites in the world.
It's like in the top five.
It's where traders go to like, and they go, Yahoo, yeah, I'm going to learn from Yahoo.
I'm like, you fucking idiots.
Why would they not have a...
They have a dedicated staff that brings in tons of traffic for them that they pay for.
All right?
Or when you go to somebody and you go, well, here, you can just check the Wikipedia article.
And they go, yeah, you're going to believe what you read on Wikipedia.
And I go, you don't have to believe what you read on Wikipedia because you can follow the sources that are listed on Wikipedia for each piece of information.
You can click that little number five.
Yeah.
Next to the information will tell you exactly what article it came from.
You can go read the article yourself.
I agree.
I'm constantly.
It's annoying.
All that Wayfair stuff, really.
You believe Snopes.
You believe MSNBC.
Hell yeah.
Don't you know they have a bias?
Snopes specifically, though. I don't think Snopes has a bias Snopes specifically though
I don't think Snopes has ever gotten anything drastically wrong
okay every
single newspaper
got COVID in the election
drastically wrong
I mean it's
like if you can't admit that
anything else
they totally they lied and they bragged about
lying to everybody.
They gave whatever information they had at the time.
But then they stopped everybody else who had other information.
The journalists are there.
They aren't scientists.
They just go, we are reporting what scientists are telling us.
That's it.
Here is the consensus of the larger scientific community.
Here is the consensus of election experts.
Yeah.
And now you can run up your ass and be like,
well, how do you become an election expert?
I don't understand.
Yes, they should be asking that.
That's the point of journalism.
They should be going, okay, well, who disagrees with you?
Let's get their input.
It's usually a guy who's worked in the election system for like 20 years
or some guy with some buttfuck website who goes,
I ran the numbers through an algorithm and the number of people who voted in Georgia does not correspond with the Gregorian calendar.
It's more important to you guys.
It's more important for you guys to be right than to stop this conspiracy shit.
It's more because you can't look at it.
You can't look at COVID in the election and say, well, yeah, there was all journalists lied all over the place about that and didn't do their jobs.
And then everyone go like, OK, OK okay so then but everything else is fine i don't know everything else is fine
because it doesn't have to do with making a coup of the country i don't think journalists lied
for the most part okay i'm sure some did okay enjoy the year enjoy your conspiracy world then
go ahead here's what you can say you can say that the data that was obtained by scientists during COVID,
science evolves and changes.
We learn new things.
Using the best data at the time,
it suggested that this was the course of action to be taken.
I don't want to talk about COVID on this fucking show
because everybody listened to this show.
But that's what caused all this.
Good.
I'm glad.
Well, if you can't say, yeah, they fucked up on COVID, then they're just going to do
this forever.
But they didn't fuck up.
That's the point.
Okay.
The journalists didn't fuck up.
Journalists, all they can do, they're not the scientists.
All they can do is report on what the scientists are telling them.
No.
You can't blame the journalists when the scientists get something wrong.
Okay.
So journalist says
Wow you know I heard
A fucking asteroid was hitting the earth
I guess that's it
They're not supposed to say
They're not supposed to go find somebody who says
Well maybe an asteroid's not hitting the earth
You don't expect that of journalists
They gotta find both sides on every issue
Yes
No they don't
They can go to experts
Who have established themselves as experts
With years of published research and knowledge in their field.
Like IQ.
Sure.
Yeah, like IQ.
Let's get some.
Okay, so let's find some IQ experts that maybe say it's not because of any wealth inequality.
Let's go talk to some of them.
Any IQ experts.
Okay.
You don't see how that happened after COVID people like, well, you guys should ask more
questions like about the mass shit and how it's always flopping back and forth.
Should have said, well, you guys are, they're constantly making up.
I mean, they reported making laws about this.
If they're constantly flopping on it.
I guess you can say that journalists could have pushed back and said, but I remember
seeing articles that said
like listen the science on masks is not 100 you know it was just being recommended as it might
work so let's just do it because it doesn't cost us that much to do it okay masks are not what about
that guy i don't like masks i hated masks yeah at the end of the day if some scientist had a study
that says there's like a 10% chance it works.
A lot.
All right, fine.
I'll do it.
What about that vaccine guy that wouldn't debate RFK on Joe Rogan?
RFK is not a scientist.
He has no business debating vaccines of any type.
Yeah, but why won't he debate then?
Because why?
Okay.
You don't think journalists should be going?
Well, why don't you debate him then?
No.
He's a politician.
He's running for president. If you're a scientist, journalists should be going, well, why don't you debate him then? No. He's a politician. He's running for president.
If you're a scientist, you should be.
Look.
Vito, people think he's running for president.
What is the point of being a spokesman for science or being a journalist if you're not going to try to stop these rampant falsehoods?
Like, how can you complain about conspiracies if you're not going to go stop him on Joe Rogan?
Shut his ass up.
Get up.
Don't fucking do it.
And I don't even know what I'm talking about.
I'll say this.
Look, I don't.
Why does it have to be that guy debates him?
Can't any guy debate him?
That guy's the one saying offered to debate RFK.
They're not letting any of those guys debate him because he's the one that's getting paid
by shady sources.
Not everyone is good at debate.
It's a very niche, unnecessary skill, okay?
It's a matter of, you are good at debating.
It doesn't mean that you're right.
I don't think I'm good at it.
Okay, well, you're very good at yelling over me and getting your points in and making me seem stupid.
Go do your point.
No, I'm saying this is why debate is useless.
Because I'm 100% right because you're yelling
and charismatic. My problem
is going to get downvoted. Okay.
We are perfectly illustrating why
debate is a useless way
to try and get topics across
because right now the audience is going, well,
Dick was funnier, so they're going to vote
against me. That's why debate
is fucking stupid. This show
exists to prove why debate is fucking stupid. This show exists to prove
that debate is fucking
useless. That is the only point
of this show. It is 90%
of the formula. So you
can't tell me that on the show
where we prove every week that debate is a useless
fucking performative comedy
bit that I now have
to take scientific debate seriously.
Okay, you made a good point. Thank you.
You win the debate. I win the debate.
Point is, when someone gives you information
and they have a source attached to it,
sometimes that source will
contain its own sources. It'll say this is from a report
from the Department of Justice.
You can't just instantly dismiss
it for being from a news site you
think is politically biased.
You should actually read the article and see if it contains good information.
I agree with you.
Good.
Except for that little.
All right.
Well, Dick, what were our problems for this week?
Mine was charity fraud and cheating and trivial.
Cheating.
Cheating and trivial pursuits.
Cheating and trivia. Mine was the Black White Test Score Gap
and Source Snobs
Guys, we're going to put all the problems up on the website
Don't forget to vote after the show
at biggestproblem.show
Don't forget to check out the bonus episodes
at Biggest Problem on
Patreon, patreon.com slash biggestproblem
also backed.by
slash biggestproblem Watch the, backed.by slash biggestproblem.
Yeah.
Watch the biggest review of Indiana Jones and the Isle of Destiny
now on youtube.com slash veto,
and you have less than 30 hours to get yourself a copy of Super Killer on Indiegogo.
Join the Super Killer nation and become your truest, most beautiful self.
Oh, Reverend Scott sent us something.
Oh, fantastic. Are you interested in that? Yes, I am. I like Reverend Scott sent us something Oh fantastic
You interested in that?
Yes I am I like Reverend Scott
You know it's crazy I don't even like
RFK
I really hate that guy
I'm actually glad he said a bunch of lefty shit
So then you guys can all stop pretending he's based
Or whatever
He said he wants to take guns away
He said that a long time ago
And then said
Well actually
It's the SSRIs
And I thought
That motherfucker
He fucking jigged his way
Out of that one
That motherfucker
He knows what he's doing
They did that with SSRIs too
What?
Journalists
They made them seem great?
Yeah
And then
The data probably suggested
they were great.
But they don't know how...
Journalists are not the scientists.
Get mad at the scientists.
And you should be mad at scientists
because the scientists
keep fucking up.
No, yeah, but
the scientists also said
that tobacco is fine.
And journalists should have been like,
well, yeah, but this scientist
is paid by the fucking
Tobacco Institute.
I think that journalists
are running into a problem where they want to push back on stuff,
but I don't know.
It's like, it's hard to...
Surely you can't think that the CNN, like MSNBC, that this organization is out to find the truth.
Like, that corporation is just as bad as every other one about maximizing profit journalism is completely
broken because there are certain issues that have been termed i mean we've had this forever though
we're just like you have to go along with the popular narrative what do you call it matthew
shepherd died because two guys hated gay people it's like no they're trying to rob him of his
meth it was a robbery okay yeah one of the guys used to have sex with him.
Mm-hmm.
So, but, you know, the media.
Five months.
There's a lot of stories where, you know, the journalists just.
Yeah.
They lie.
It happened with Epstein.
You know, they wanted to, a lot of journalists tried to break the Epstein story and it was like, well, you can't, you can't do it.
It's bad for business.
It's bad for business.
Well, the intersection Of capitalism and speech
Is always going to be the most complicated
Fucking place to be so how can you like
I guess I have a hard time blaming these guys
When the when journalists didn't
Figure out Epstein it's like
Well how then how can I how can I
Listen to anything that they're saying how do I expect
A stupid person you know to listen to
Them if they fucked up everything
Else important journalism is Completely fucked a stupid person to listen to them if they fucked up everything else important. Journalism
is completely fucked.
I honestly don't know what's
going to happen. I mean, they're just firing journalists
like crazy now.
You see they're making AI-generated
articles for half these websites, they've decided.
Awesome. Yeah. Wow.
I don't know if it's awesome.
For everybody who's cheering the death
of journalism,
really think through the 1984-type scenario we're going to be left with when the only people writing the articles are robots owned by the rich people.
You're going to have a different set of problems.
I'm already rich, though.
You're going to wish the journal—
Yeah, okay.
You're going to miss the journalists pretty soon.
Let's put it that way.
Even the bad ones.
I already live in 1984, though.
How much worse could it get?
You have no idea.
One last gun or two?
Yeah, and then the forced sterilization of all school children for the greater good.
Yeah.
I don't have kids.
Okay.
Then you're fine.
Nothing affects you because you live in a little nihilist bubble, okay?
You are not the example for any of this.
You don't have to care about these people.
I know.
I know.
I don't have to care about anything.
Everything's a joke, okay?
But when I'm trying to relate this to the normal people in our audience who have connections
with other human beings and aspire to something greater than drinking a fifth of scotch and
passing out.
Yeah, sometimes I have to put it in terms that they might understand.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Whatever kind you want.
Reverend Scott, what do you got?
All right.
He reviewed Isom.
Oh, fantastic.
Did it work?
Ooh, Reverend Scott. Hey there, Dick and Vito. This is Reverend Scott.
Hey there, Dick and Vito.
This is Reverend Scott.
And I have a problem.
A problem that not only spans Twitter and YouTube,
but extends to this very podcast.
That problem is the unwarranted, ignorant, total lack of respect for my new favorite anti-woke comic,
I, Psalm No. 1.
It's also anti-groomer, by the way.
I'm so anti-groomer, I don't even comb my own hair.
Like most people, I recently charged $600
to a credit card that I have no intentions
of ever paying back in order to pay Eric July
for the honor of owning every single cover
of I-SOM I can get my hands on.
That's a lot of covers.
After all, it's an investment. Not only that, but I've also
decided to do something that none of the other fans of the comic have yet to do. Read the comic.
Of course, I purchased these under an alias because I, Reverend Scott, am a humble man.
I'm not here for the fame and prestige associated with the utter annihilation of Marvel Comics,
I, much like Isom, only seek respect.
So after slipping on a pair of fresh cotton gloves,
I unsleeved one of my copies of Isom, turned to page one, and began to celebrate Juneteenth.
And when I tell you my mind was blown, it's an understatement.
I was instantly transported to Flores Park two weeks
ago. Eric immediately subverts your expectations of expecting the establishment of characters or
a story or even starting at the beginning of the story. He starts before the beginning. We watch
typical inept cops complaining that super people are doing their jobs for them. And then we never see them again.
Who has the time? Because
we're transported yet again
to what we're told is even earlier
in the outskirts of Flores Park.
So, maybe this is
like three weeks ago. Who
fucking knows? All I know that this is something
Marvel would never do. And
that's why it's good.
We finally meet Isom, who's working
out on his complete outdoor gym, surrounded by an Olympic-sized foot race track in the middle
of a cattle farm. During a gripping phone call conversation, a woman we don't know alerts Isom
that an employee we don't know is absent from work. And this woman is now called upon Isam to locate this girl to appease another woman.
We don't know.
And that's called establishing a mystery.
Now, I don't want to spoil the whole amazing comic, so I won't go beat for beat.
But I will mention a few highlights, such as Isam's superpowers, which I've heard he has.
Isam says he's no detective, and neither am I,
but I've determined what some of those powers are
from the amazing writing in this book,
such as he's stronger than an eight-year-old girl.
He's able to murder people in public without being arrested.
Also, he's able to handle himself.
I deduced this when Isom said,
Sis, you know I can handle myself, while still
wearing a hospital gown after waking up in the hospital from being beaten the fuck up multiple
times by multiple strangers within a 10-minute period. And don't get me started on character
growth. Isam started as a man that would risk his own life and commit cold-blooded murder to find
someone that he doesn't really know.
But once he does finally find this person, purely by accident,
we find out that Isom has grown beyond the need to find out any new information from her
or even ensure her safety.
He now has a new, more important mission,
to fight more strangers over the lack of respect.
We close out this masterpiece with a visit to Taylorville
to retrieve ISOM's custom tailored super suit.
I used to work in a town named Taylorville.
A double wide trailer blew up every week
in a meth explosion there.
But I'm from a different spot.
You wouldn't understand.
Maybe what I've said here today
was meandering and hard to follow,
but it's the first draft of my script,
and that's all you really need. At the end of the day, I implore you all to blindly praise this
comic. If I had to compare ISOM number one to anything, it would be the Watchmen. Well, at least
the giant squid at the end that brought the whole world together to oppose it, because the squid's
writing was shit. Thank you all for hearing me out
please try to do better thanks for not killing yourselves and as always peace and love guys
wow peace and love peace and thank you reverend scott thank you that was my islam review it was It was perfect. At least there's no gay guys in it.
The sound clips are impeccable.
Good work.
Thank you very much, Reverend Scott.
Okay, we'll do voicemails.
Are we doing the weigh-in at the end?
Yes, the end.
After the what?
The super chats?
After the super chats, yes.
You want your present now?
Yeah, sure.
Well, Dick, you have already appeared in this
Did it close my eyes?
Uh
I'll set it up
Okay
You don't have to close your eyes
Alright good
There's a certain video game
Which you have appeared in
Which I am now going to be appearing in
Do you know what that game is?
Yik
Yik
Which has a new update
One of the most hated games
One of the most hated games.
One of the most hated games. People are coming
around on it. People are like,
you know what, it's one of those things where they stuck with it and they
kept making it better. Yeah. And
from the creators of Yik, you have been gifted
an official
Yik plush. Wow.
Of the main character.
His name is now escaping
me for some reason
But there he is
Okay, well, that's pretty good
Yeah
He's got this annoying swoosh thing that he had
Wow
People say it's like an RPG starring Vosh
Is how it feels
It does look like Vosh
I gotta keep this away from little kids
Well, now you have your own Yik figure
And again, we get to make the exciting announcement that if you
play Yik, I believe the
update is called Yik 1.4
or 1.5.
Okay. Regardless, you will
be able to fight against me
as one of the enemy characters. I don't know
if we appear together. That's out?
It's not out yet, but it's coming soon.
Okay. I've seen the model of me.
I should have brought in an image of it.
Well, the thing about the age of consent is...
Vosh, no!
How old is a horse cock, really?
What are they, two?
Hey, stop it.
If it's not too young for horses...
We might be able to get Vosh on this show.
Animals can consent, or else you're saying everything they do is rape.
So, actually, you would eat an animal.
I want to be friends with Vosh,? I fucked it up. Why? Because
him and Mr. Girl had a falling out and then I
yelled at him to be nicer to Mr. Girl and then he
blocked me. Ooh. But I'm going to
mend that bridge. We should give his wife
one of these weight loss content. Okay.
No, now he's never coming on the show.
You know who might be coming
on the show? Who?
We have to talk about it if you actually want to have him.
Let's talk about it later. Let's talk about it later. We'll talk about it If you actually want to have them Let's talk about it later
I don't know what you're talking about
We'll talk about it later
Alright, alright
But yeah, guys
Check out Yik
Spelled Y-I-I-K
Available on Steam
Nintendo Switch
PlayStation 4
And again, the update
Will feature myself
I did some voice acting, Dick
I did some
Did you voice act in the game?
Did they get some voice stuff from you?
Yeah, I went like
Ooh
Yeah
Ooh
Ah Ugh Ugh Take that Oh Did you voice act in the game? Did they get some voice stuff from you? Yeah, I went like, ooh. Yeah. Ooh.
Ah.
Ugh.
Ugh.
Take that.
Oh.
Oh, you want a piece of me?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
Ready?
Suck it.
Yeah.
My problem is young people, a.k.a. your 20-year-old guests,
bitching about stupid problems like uncomfortable plane seats.
Is that really the worst thing that's happened to you in your life?
Come on, man.
Have you had no fucking hard times at all?
Jesus, crime and it.
Give them time.
They'll have hard times.
Oh, you guys only care about traffic problems anyway.
Fuck off.
You should just bring in more traffic, some more natural disasters.
Or food.
Food problems are good.
Don't knock food problems. The biggest problem in the universe
is getting brain damaged
right before getting
to listen to the show
and also getting put out of work
for two weeks
whenever I need to
and when I have an opportunity
for like
20 hours of overtime
that's now lost
because I have brain damage.
Brain damage?
That's right.
That's the story, guy.
Jesus Christ. Well, don't get brain damaged. It's going to take a have brain damage. Brain damage? That's a sore guy. Jesus Christ.
Well, don't get brain damage.
It's going to take a while, man.
Yeah, sorry.
We'll get through it together.
If I got brain damage, the last thing on my mind would be like, well, I'm going to miss
out on all that overtime.
I'd be like, holy shit, I have brain damage.
Yeah, but you need money.
You don't need a brain.
That's true.
Okay, here's one about tractor tires.
What's up, guys?
Just catching up on the last couple episodes.
And Vito really thinks the load capacity of a fucking tractor tire is 300 pounds.
Tractors weigh thousands of pounds.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Go fuck yourself.
I don't care.
That's the answer.
I don't care about the load capacity of a tractor tire.
I was reading the website that Dick was reading
Okay
The point is that you kept looking up tires and saying
Look, it weighs 300 pounds
I said, no, it says load capacity 300 pounds
It's a tractor though
Okay, I don't know what
What the dick guy says
Great
Send me, send us a picture of a 300 pound tire
Alright
So that Dick could make a weird metaphor about fucking test holiday
Which was a weird Which was a test holiday, which was a weird,
which was a pointless extended bit that was completely tired.
I don't know why we wasted five minutes of the show.
Like a tire with a flashlight.
Imagine a tire with a flashlight duct tape to it.
That's like fucking test holiday.
And it probably smells better.
You're going to get a show band.
It's like fucking,
uh, Rosie, the robot. That's what I'll call her. Rosie, the robot. You're gonna get a show band It's like fucking Rosie the Robot
That's what I'll call her
Rosie the Robot
Tess Holliday
They probably
Okay
Do whatever you want
It doesn't matter
I don't wanna get
I don't wanna borrow time
Retards telling you that
Playing video games
While working out
Is a bad thing
All that's important
Is you're getting out there
You're doing it
You know
I've got a treadmill.
I've got a Steam Deck.
I hooked up to a TV.
Nice.
I play with a controller one-handed.
That's something you can think about.
Nice.
This is a great method to just do it.
Okay.
And you don't have to hate it the entire time.
All right, go fuck yourself.
All right.
That's why I got Diablo, so I can do it while I use the exercise bike.
Are you?
I'm working on it.
Right now, I've been cleaning my house.
Before you can move the exercise bike in front of the video games?
My house, just for my own sanity, you don't understand.
Like, I've spent the last six months working on the stupid comic book,
and my house has become literally like if a social worker came over,
they would say, you need to clean this up or we're going to condemn this place.
So I've just been meticulously buying plastic storage bins and organizing everything like an autistic Tetris player.
Okay, good.
Yeah.
Dick, I don't understand your hard-on for Turkey Tom.
Like on the Dick show, you just said something like he's the new Mr. Medica or something.
Turkey Tom's videos are like 90% inaccurate at best
and when
Mr. Medica fucked something up you could at least
you know say it was
under the you know guise of it being
entertainment more than anything because
it was just a bunch of jokes
it wasn't really supposed to be
a resource
but every single time
he has a little disclaimer saying it's an educational resource.
He's just a 12-year-old kid.
He doesn't know anything.
That's a fake laugh.
Whatever.
All right.
Call me back.
He's a funny guy.
I do think you like Turkey Tom.
I do like Turkey Tom.
He's funny.
He says funny, smart things.
I think Turkey Tom is like your surrogate son.
That's weird.
You guys make everything weird.
I think you see a little of yourself in Turkey Tom.
There you go.
I hope this kid...
You're like a doting uncle.
Why does everything always have to be turned into a weird relationship?
Just because I like the guy's comedy.
I think he's a funny guy.
And I want to raise him. There's's a funny guy Yeah And I want to
Raise him
Cause there's a hole in your life
I wanna dress him
That you wanna fill with a child
I wanna dress him
In a little outfit
Like me
Yeah exactly
I wanna take him car shopping
Tell him to grow out his hair
I wanna rub his little head
Ayy
I wanna ask him
What's
How's
How's school going for ya
Whereas I like Turkey Tom
Cause I want to steal
All his subscribers For this show Don't you do that to my Tom Don't you do Whereas I like Turkey Tom Because I want to steal All his subscribers
For this show
Don't you do that to my Tom
Don't you do that to my Turkey Tom
Don't worry
I'm busy stealing the PK audience
I gotta go back on PK
And steal all the viewers
I wanna tell Turkey Tom
Which of these kids
I don't want him
Hanging around with
It's too late
He's already
He's got a vibrant
Pedophile community apparently
This Augie guy
He's bad news
No we like Augie
You gotta be away
You gotta watch out for him I don't know if he's Red Fox or something Community apparently this Augie guy Is bad news we like Be away if you get a swatch out
For him I don't know if he's red
Fox or something or RPC
Something well
We love all those guys
They're doing great work
Hey biggest problem the universe
Is not having
Any dip or salsa when you have a bag
Of corn chips I have that exact problem right
Now super annoying to just completely
and utterly have
the most bland chips in the world
and absolutely nothing to do with it.
That's it.
You know what I do? I'll buy one of those jars
of the queso.
Man, I love those. They're so good, right?
But then I put it in the fridge and every time I come back
to it, I go, don't be mold, don't be mold, don't be mold.
And I open it up up A little bit of mold
I'm ashamed to buy those
Because I assume they're so fattening
So I just try to sneak it in
Yeah
Because I know my girlfriend will see it
She's like oh you got a little jar of
A little jar
Queso
Tasty dip there huh
They're really good
But yeah if you don't eat them immediately
Once you open the jar you're fucked
They go bad like immediately
I've never had leftovers of that.
Really?
So I have no idea what you're talking about.
Yeah, I for some reason did, and I don't know why.
Okay, here we go.
Super chats, and then we'll do the weigh-in.
Super chats, get your super chats in now.
And if you feel like super chatting $25,
why don't you just take it on over to Indiegogo
and buy another copy of Super Killer
Super Chat for Charity
Yeah, Super Chat for Charity
Pretend it's a charity
That makes it much better
A nightmare
Alright, episode number 96
Thank you everybody
Red for two, you're late, you F-slurs
Yeah, we were late, but we're here now
Jarby Jimson for ten, hey guys, I got a question for Dick
Could you explain why you think Spider-Verse 2 would be better If Indio World was destroyed You have slurs. Yeah, we were late. But we're here now. Jarby Jimson for 10. Hey, guys, I got a question for Dick.
Could you explain why you think Spider-Verse 2 would be better if India World was destroyed?
Accidentally ending a universe seems like a lot to put on Miles.
I agree with Jarby Jimson.
Well, because if they're the Spider-Men, the collection of Spider-Men led by the Mexican Spider-Man,
they're allowing all of these horrible things to happen.
These canon events. They're allowing
people in, they're allowing an infinite
number of people to die horribly
and traumatize an infinite
number of Spider-Men. They're
doing this horrible thing
because preventing it
would destroy an entire
universe, which is trillions of people.
Right.
Which is acceptable.
Like, okay, well, I guess we all have to, we all share that pain and we're allowing this pain to happen because it prevents saving millions of people.
Like, this is a theme in comics.
Like, we have to suffer the greater good.
When they establish that preventing a canon event does not destroy a universe and they say well
maybe we can fix it there it it it invalidates the first thing so the you think in your mind
well wait a minute uh you mean to tell me they could stop this at any time it's like when roger
rabbit slips out you mean you could stop this annihilation of universes at any time and save
these spider-men then why don't you do that? Now it makes you...
It makes you evil.
And I know in my mind the only reason
they didn't do that is because they didn't want to
kill Indians.
They didn't want to make a bad thing happen
in the movie, but they
did that in Star...
In Star Wars, if Alderaan had not got destroyed,
it would be a totally
different movie.
Like these things are supposed to... Go ahead, what?
Well, I'm just going to say that I understand the problem you have, but from a writing perspective,
the way to fix it would be to just explain it better.
From a thematic perspective, no one wants to see Indian Spider-Man's world get killed.
That's a way fucking fucked up downer way too early in the movie.
It wasn't a downer when Alderaan got destroyed.
Because we didn't go to Alderaan and see a guy flipping
around having fun on Alderaan. If they had that
scene, then Star Wars would have been completely
fucked. Then ride it better. You can't
go, well, uh, Leia,
we can't, well, we destroyed, like, Alderaan
too. If they cut to Alderaan guy,
you know, and there's just a guy on Alderaan who's like,
I love living my life. I love my family.
Everything's great. And then we just fucking blast his
planet to death. That would have been bad.
So that's why you can't do that to Indian Spider-Man.
You think that because they didn't.
If they had gone, if he had saved him
and then said oh shit the whole world's getting
ruined and they said alright
get in here.
Blooping it close and they were all just gone.
It's too much
Death
To
It's too much death
To personalize anyway
They're not gonna do that
Kids understand death
It's a bad solution
You have Indian Spider-Man going
Oh my god
I can't believe you
Fucking
I can't believe you
Fucking did this to me
I think all they needed to do
Was make it explain
That Miles
Universe
Was such an anomaly
Cause his spider
Came from another universe
That there's so many things Going wrong That no matter what his was definitely going to collapse or something
i ruined the movie it didn't ruin the movie it's a great bad it's a bad it's a mistake all right
well let's just move on because we could argue about this forever killer for days for five
dollars says nothing thank you killing best super chat jew h for 50 big canadian dollars
happy pre-Canada Day.
Gas is going up tomorrow with new taxes,
and our internet is going to be controlled more by our government.
Nice.
Yay.
Canada is the biggest problem in the universe.
Very cool.
Well, who's back in?
Bow Blacks is from Canada.
He went back there.
Yeah, so it is the biggest problem in the universe
because you guys have Bow Blacks.
Canada is so fucked.
All your autistics are trying to spread the glory of the N-word for some reason.
Something's wrong with your country.
Koof for two says thank you all for not killing yourselves.
Thank you Koof. Jacob Sarisa for
200 Japanese yen says
hey Dick, what's with the afro sheen?
My hair is wet.
Just got out of the shower there. Is it still wet?
Yeah. Go ahead.
I mean it's a little late now.
Antagonist for 10. Ready for mischief?
Become an antagonist. Hire me, the, it's a little late now. Antagonist for 10. Ready for mischief. Become an antagonist.
Hire me, the chaos conductor, for revenge and pranks.
Like dirty work come to life in the modern age.
Backed.by slash antagonist.
Guys, check out antagonist on backed by.
Head up.
Backed.by slash antagonist.
Thank you, antagonist.
Peter Hansman for five Canadian.
I haven't even watched the new Indiana Jones movie,
and I still enjoyed you guys reviewing it
Thanks for the bonus bonus episode
I wasn't sure if people would want to watch a review of a movie
That wasn't out yet, but I don't know
Yeah, because you don't have to watch it
If you watch the, like I watch movie
I watch Red Letter Media and then say like
I don't have to watch that shit
I want to figure out the format exactly
I was thinking maybe
Because I wanted to put more stuff in
Like I wanted to put clips stuff in like I wanted to put clips
From the original Indiana Jones movies
Yeah but I was rushing to get it out you know
Obviously because it's a new movie or whatever
Oh yeah so I was
Wondering if we should you know what I'll talk about it with you
Afterwards but honestly guys leave comments
On that video and let me know yeah if you like
The format if you think there's any ways to improve the format
Because I think me and Dick
Talking about movies is fun Cougar Hughes
For five what were you expecting sharing your popcorn
With Vito the whitewash challenge is off to a great
Start yeah see at least you got to help everybody
With my fault you're getting
Everybody their money back by giving me
More popcorn you should be happy I'm gonna
Have all kind if you're close to the goal I'm gonna have
Donuts and
I'm gonna come into a show
And you're gonna have like a whole charcuterie spread.
I'm not going to be able to resist some charcuterie.
You know this.
An entire orange water cooler thing of Mountain Dew.
So you're having a 4th of July party
and I know every hot dog I eat,
you're going to be taking a picture for the fucking feed.
You're like, oh, Vito's failing.
Moose the Goose for 20 Canadian.
Both of you are hilarious, so let me know. Marmite
over Vegemite changed my mind.
I like that you assume that I've tried either Marmite
or Vegemite.
Vegemite's good. I think I haven't had Marmite.
Vegemite is just
salty, right? It's like a salty spread.
I would try it. I've never actually had it.
PW Project for five. Was there a hole
in the bottom of your Popcorn tub
Who shares popcorn anymore
Okay
It's a lot of popcorn
It's too much popcorn to eat
Me
04120 for five
Vito just split the popcorn
Down the middle
You have
To be after your co-host
Fabrain voted up
Jared Easterling for five
The free market
Is the American dream
Shame on Zito
Fuck you
Crutch Knox for five can I get a
Cat foot ink print with your signature
On the comic when I purchase
Stop asking me for special signatures
Okay I have to sign like
500 comics everybody who sends me a
Cheeky little can you say to
Branda and draw like a little cat
Getting a q-tip of it no I don't
I'm no I'm just signing it I'm putting my name
On it that's it if you come to me and like like a show come to me if you come to like a con
I'll do whatever the fuck you want. Yeah, these ones guys
I'm just signing them and throwing them into the side come to your house come to my house then you'll do it
Sure, okay. I'll show up in my door
Fatics the great for a big ten. Hey Vito. I'm the idiot shithead who retracted $100 campaign on your Indiegogo
Yeah, this motherfucker
because of you, by the way. What did I do?
Because I said that thing about, like, we should take
people's guns away, and you went, well, everybody should
unback the comic. Why would you say
that when you're trying to raise money?
Why does it matter what I
think about guns? What does that have to do with a comic?
It has nothing to do- It's the most important thing
to us. I want everyone to have a million guns.
Oh, man. And everyone should get to shoot
Everyone should get one mass shooting
You're making it sarcastic
And you're messing it up
Let me do one
Anyway, Fatix for 10 says
If you promise me you'll vote for a Republican candidate
In the 2024 election, I will re-back your comment
You already have to, you already said
Because of the Patreon
If it got over 5,000, you said you'd vote for Trump
Voting is so fucking useless and pointless that literally I will vote for any...
I will let the...
I don't know if it's legal, but if there's a way to have the audience decide who I vote on,
like, you know, through a poll or something...
Why would that not be legal?
I don't know.
Because you're not allowed to sell your vote.
Okay.
So, well, I mean, technically, whatever.
Let's put it this way
Whoever you guys all decide
You're not?
No I don't think you can legally sell your vote
Why not?
I don't know man
Is it like in Oregon?
Interference with the democratic process
Oh
That seems weird
Well then otherwise you would just go like
Hey I'm gonna give you 20 bucks to vote for me
Well then the other guy would give me 21
It's like you can't give
Yeah I know
Sounds great
Honestly Just give us the money, I would much prefer that system.
I wish that like Trump could give me a hundred bucks to vote for him.
Why would that not be illegal?
Because they can't make sure you did it.
You could just go in and go like, suckers.
I mean, that is part.
Yeah, I don't know.
You feel indebted.
My system would be much better.
You have to.
I'll vote for anyone you want
i don't care all of democracy is retarded and we're all gonna die in a fucking fireball anyway
okay just back super killer that's the only thing that matters to me at this point in my life
spider eternal for five you owe us a tbf from last week by the way uh we owe the reverse tbf
because you fucked it up and didn't get it it should be worse if i fucked it up yeah well you
guys it should be like worse the audience but
It's clear the audience has been fucking up because we've been
Asking you guys for weeks what is the
Punishment when dick misses yeah you guys
Fucked it up and you guys still have not come up with
One yeah so fucking sit down
Honest I was gonna remind people we have a reddit
Go to the reddit reddit.com slash biggest
Problem or go to the discord or
Anywhere yeah and say hey how do
We punish dick when he misses a tbf
and don't do any dumb joke answers like cut his penis off or something be serious stop screwing
around stop taking the show like a joke that we can play for that and it would be funny okay there's
got to be something more awesomeness for two new zealand sent an amazingly funny super sticker
which we can't see for some reason. Thank you.
More awesomeness.
Eric Wong for five.
All pro MTG players cheat every last one.
It's an open secret.
I agree.
Also, kick-ass Steel Battalion shirt veto.
I still have mine and the controller.
I actually made the, or I got these print on demand.
I found this old Capcom art package with all the logos from every game that
came out in 2004.
Okay.
So I've just been illegally selling Steel Battalion shirts on my website.
When I make these shirts, they're just shirts for me.
Like, no one else buys them and wears them.
I sell them to a couple friends online.
What?
So sue me.
What's the big deal?
If you want a Steel Battalion shirt, you can go to Kildizer.industries.
I have a couple.
Yeah.
I just make shirts that I want to wear do you have any any stuff on
that site that you made yeah there's like some some the drugs thing that drugs on the you stole
that from a comic though well yeah like you know i like borrow there's some there's some original
designs i think okay you can look later kill dozer done industries there's cool stuff on there
goldilocks for 499 g99 GF said The Supreme Court
Also ruled
Businesses can deny
Groups of people
They don't like
Slash agree with
I don't think that's true
Yeah
No they did another
Like gay thing
A gay person
Asked a Christian
To like
Suck their cock
At a cock sucking store
Or something
Yeah
You don't have to make
A cock sucking cake
Man
The LDA gay people
They gotta find
Like that
That couple specifically
That's going around
Asking Christians to do that shit
They gotta take them out
They gotta give them AIDS
Or something
Cause they're causing
A lot of hatred
It's a lot of different people
It's not just one couple
One couple does it a lot
Maybe
They do it on purpose
It is yeah
It is a waste of time
And uh
They gotta put the hammer down on it
It's stupid guys
Leave
If you wouldn't go into
A Muslim bakery
And be like
Draw Jesus Be like well we don't want to We into a Muslim bakery and be like, draw Jesus.
They're like, well, we don't want to.
We're a Muslim bakery.
Leave us alone.
Yeah.
Just let people live their lives, man.
John Muhammad fucking one of his wives.
Yeah.
You know the one that I'm talking about.
I'm fucking her on top of the barack.
Andrew, I love the barack references.
Andrew, Amy for five.
Vito, something that might help is cutting out all soda or sugary drinks.
Okay, I don't care.
Dumb username for five.
The biggest problem with woke media is not the gay.
It's that they make it so ugly.
The Greeks understood aesthetic beauty, and they were gay as heck.
Woke media, what are you talking about?
I don't know.
I thought the lady in the new Indiana Jones looks fine.
Does she need to be hotter it was my favorite part i wish they just made i really wish she was like doing more indiana jones yeah i wish it was about her and that indiana jones was like doing
less stuff like i'm not gonna say brie larson's ugly she's a fine looking lady you know yeah
uh i mean you could get like way more smoking hot chicks I guess The new Little Mermaid
I will say
Is not attractive
I don't get it
No
Dumb username for five
Where you did that
Like
Yeah
Who
I see a lot of guys
That I didn't know
Were so into the Little Mermaid
Talking about that one
Why are you guys so
Yeah what is this
Concerned about
This Black Little Mermaid
Yeah
Why are you obsessed
With this 15 year old
Cartoon character Hmm It's kind of like fucking weird are you attracted to her naivete and the lack
of understanding if you're in like the 1800s and you go to like a ku klux klan rally are they
talking about like that little miss muffet is being you know they're taking an aerial from
little mermaid away from us like what the fuck are you guys talking about?
I don't know, man.
The whole culture war is endless.
Darius Ranikovic goes for five.
How much would show per killer have to reach to trigger another existential meltdown?
Put a number on it.
What do you think?
I think if the money goes up, my existential meltdown turns to just pure greed.
I'm going to turn into a monster.
All my fears and anxieties disappear,. I'm going to turn into a monster. And what?
All my fears and anxieties disappear,
and I'm just drowning in money.
You're doing like a Siddhartha thing then.
Yeah.
Okay.
At this point, the existential meltdown is
I got to finish this goddamn comic.
And you gamble it all away.
I got to make it good.
Kevin Flesher for $9.99.
You do have to make it good.
You've read the script.
It's a solid script $9.99. You do have to make it good. You've read the script. It's a solid script.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I do want to, once it's all done and I'm putting in the dialogue,
I can change the dialogue at any point.
Okay.
I want to do a pass where all my buddies who I know are funny,
I go, just help me make the dialogue.
It's funny.
I want, like, funny dialogue.
I want good jokes. Right. Okay. Like, I posted one page and everyone went, that joke is stale and gross. I want like funny dialogue I want good jokes
Right okay
Like I posted one page
And everyone went
That joke is stale and gross
And I'm like yeah you're right
I have like a 1990s
Humor sensibility
Which sometimes works
And sometimes
It was like the character
About to get punched in the face
And he goes
Man I hate my job
And everyone's like
That's gay
That's a little
And I'm like okay
Well now I understand
That I'm
Yeah I am probably doing
You should make him say Fart fart, fart, fart, fart.
Well, that's the problem.
I don't have the Zoomer humor, okay?
That's the problem is the Zoomers are like, he should say batteries.
And I'm like, why should he say batteries?
And they're like, because batteries is like, they'll just have like these random explanations
of stupid in-jokes I don't get because I'm an old man.
Yeah.
I need some young kids to like read it and be like, yeah, that, you know, that is outdated
or whatever.
I fully accept that.
Kevin Flesher for 999 trivia hosts.
Got to have red herring question that can only be found on Google.
People found cheating get minus points and have to apologize to the whole bar.
Happy birthday, Eric Wong.
Oh, so a fake question.
A fake question that isn't real.
And if you get it right.
You're obviously cheating.
Yeah, somehow set up a website.
Oh, wow.
Okay.
That could be interesting.
Very good, Kevin.
Very good.
I like that.
Also for $1.99, it says set up another LAMTG Grand Prix.
Did you do that?
Yeah.
Somebody told us there's going to be one in Vegas.
I want to go to that A Grand Prix?
A Grand Prix
Well, it's not going to be that
But yeah, it'll be a Grand Prix
Probably
I went to the Vegas Grand Prix like, God, six years ago
Claptrap the Destroyer for $9.99
Weekly money give thanks
Thank you, Claptrap
Guys, honestly, your super chats help make this show happen
James Gardner for $9.99
Maybe Eisen was told he had superpowers in college
And that's why no one can coherently articulate what they are.
It could be.
Maybe he's an affirmative action hero who was told he has incredible powers,
but he doesn't actually, yet his belief that he is one of the chosen
gives him the strength to overcome.
That was the plan, right?
Yeah.
With affirmative action?
Yeah, that they would just manifest better test scores.
Somehow.
For some reason.
Oh.
It was an experiment.
It didn't work.
And thankfully, we're getting away from the experiment.
Are we?
I don't know.
I don't think so.
We're really fucked.
I kind of think that colleges will just disobey on principle.
Well.
Or pack the court.
You know what we got to do, though?
You know what we got to though You know what we gotta do
And I might bring it in
As another problem
I don't care about the college at all
It's all a scam
I don't care who goes to college
Or what college
Yeah
Get rid of affirmative action
Hiring
In jobs
Well that's next
The college one was easy
Dude but we gotta get rid of it
Like
Like
The stuff that's going on in Hollywood
Where like
Yeah
There are interviews with guys
And they're like yeah
We just don't hire white people anymore.
We're just like not allowed.
I'll get in trouble if I hire a white guy to write a TV show.
Yeah.
It's like, you know you got to get rid of that.
That's fucked.
A white woman won a lawsuit against Starbucks for that, I think.
Yeah, I saw it.
It was like a big.
Or was that the one where she got fired because she kicked black people out of the store?
Did you see that one?
I don't know. There was one where like because she kicked black people out of the store? Did you see that one? I don't know.
There was one where like she kicked two black people out of the store and then they fired her.
What were they doing?
Crack.
It was like a confusing, weird, like miscommunication.
Playing dice?
Shooting dice?
I think they were like, can I use the bathroom?
And she's like, you can't use the bathroom unless you buy something.
And they're like, oh, because I'm black?
And they're just like, no, because you have to buy something or you can't use the bathroom
because a lot of people go in there to do crack and they're like you think i'm
gonna do crack and they're like i don't know if you're gonna do crack we just have this rule you
don't have any coffee so so it turned into like a big shouting match but then interestingly the
lawsuit was like so you fired her for that incident right they're like yeah and they're
like okay if she was black would you have fired her and they're like no no that would have been
fine are you crazy?
Then she can say whatever she wants to black people.
And it's like, oh, well, then you fired her for being white.
That's racial discrimination.
Yeah, that was an interesting case.
It's a good step.
We're going in the right direction since Trump, at least.
Jared for two says, if Vito doesn't lose weight, I pirate super killer.
Good luck, buddy.
I'm giving it away for free.
I'm giving it away. free I'm giving it away
John Riffs for five
Please make sure this money
Goes to dying children
I will
I am dying
And I'm somebody's child
Jay Swindy for five
Scenario one
I sell cookies
And send the money to charity
Scenario two
People send me money
And I send cookies to charity
Wait
Scenario one
I sell cookies
And send the money to charity
Yeah that's fine That's great Scenario two People send me money And I send cookies and send the money to charity. Yeah, that's fine.
That's great.
Scenario two, people send me money and I send cookies to charity.
Yeah.
That's bad.
That's a scam.
Charity doesn't need cookies.
I'll say, you know what?
I'll send the, I'll send the kids, uh, uh, Scottish entitlements.
Yeah.
You send me 50 bucks.
I'll send you a Scottish entitlement.
I'll send you, you're a Lord.
It's for charity.
I just made all those kids Lords.
I don't understand.
You're a lord It's for charity
I just made all those kids lords
I don't understand
I just gave every kid a pet rock
That I went out and picked myself
Yeah
Don't I deserve to be recouped
PW Project for 999
Biggest problem in the universe
Newly proposed congressional
I already
I'm like come on
I'll let you read it for him
Because it was like
He's trying to go down
One second
He says Oh oh oh sorry Congress, congressional agreement, Charter 5, subsection B, U-tube E, whatever.
He's trying to do a TV.
Okay.
Nice try.
When you get into like the nitty gritty with the like little whatever.
When you make it so Vito can't read it anyway It's not gonna work
That's not helpful
Aaron Easler for five
It's a double
People dying on tubes
Does not apply to airplane seating
Oh that's what
He came up with the rhyme
I forgot to credit it
No that's a good one
Sorry Aaron
Dumb username for two
Infowars has citations too
Don't be a source snob
I mean if Infowars
If you
Okay
You've been on Infowars
You know that
If you linked me an InfoWars article
I would read it
And then I would identify
Why it's a fucked source
That is lying
Well no
A lot of his
You can actually read it
A lot of his things
Are correct
He's just like
He editorializes it
Saying it in a funny way
Like the frogs gay thing
That was true
Yes
But it was true when he
That's the thing
That bothers me about Alex Jones
I don't know if they were doing it
On purpose
To make the frogs gay
Well everybody always goes See Alex Jones knew they were turning the frogs.
And it's like, yeah, we knew that was already a thing that was established.
He didn't like predict that out of nowhere.
Yeah.
It was based on a study that was already out there.
Yeah.
Got for two, says Dick is right about journalists.
Just not just funnier.
No, he's just funnier.
The Gentleman's Sausage for $35.
Big dollars.
It's the only reason you ever win any of these
35 dollars
In addition to my purchase of super killer
Please find and close the purchase price
Of an issue of isom which I totally
Wasn't already not going to buy
I'm going to take that 35 dollars and buy
Two copies of isom and donate them to charity
Effectively giving a charity
50 cents worth of product
For 35 dollars How generous of me charity effectively giving a charity 50 cents worth of product for $35.
How generous of me.
Chris Schofield for five.
Someone get Dick a new drink.
He's been sipping from an empty glass for an hour.
I have been watching you suck on ice.
There's a little bit of liquor in that last little drop.
I don't know how you haven't like installed a fucking tap in here or like a
liquor.
Cause I had,
I had a liquor bottle down here,
but I took it upstairs to pour it, and I forgot to bring it down.
Well.
Embarrassing.
Good work.
Chris Cofield for five.
We already did that.
Steve for two.
Episode three,
I Some Battles Veterans in a Nursing Home.
I'm looking forward to that.
Deadpan for 10 Australian.
Vito, have you heard the ongoing replication crisis in science?
It's not the institution of integrity worthy of blind faith.
You'd believe it is.
Something, something, TBS.
Almost. You almost got him. I almost want to give it to him for that one. You do believe it is. Something, something, TBF. Almost.
You almost got him.
I almost want to give it to him for that one.
Andrew, Amy, for two, you mean year 2000?
I don't know what that was in reference to.
P-Tongue for 10, CDC made spread claims citing a spy.
Okay, I know.
You all hate the government and you all hate the scientists.
Journos, parroting a press release isn't lying, but you have TBF.
Okay, it was a TBF.
You almost got me because you got me upset.
We do hate the government.
We do hate the government.
Not scientists.
Well, you should hate scientists as well.
A lot of scientists are fucked.
Wait, why?
Because.
Wait, I hate scientists.
Why?
Because they're lying to us?
Because some of them are lying.
Okay.
Go down.
Is that where we're at?
This guy said it a bunch.
He said it like a bunch of times.
All right, go back up.
P-Tong gave us $10, $10.
Then T-Junkablucks for five.
Then P-Tong for another 10.
CDC made spread games, blah, blah, blah.
I think he thought it didn't work, so he's trying to change the words.
Okay, well, you just donated $40.
If you want a refund, maybe we can make that happen.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
It'll hurt our credit scores.
Don't get a refund.
If you did not mean to donate $40, Pete Tong.
I'll take money away from kids with cancer if you take it away.
Well, I feel bad.
Crunchnox for $99.
Wipe that.
You know what?
Should I just give it?
You know what?
Pete Tong, because you donated four times. Scroll down a little bit. Crunch knocks for 99. Wipe that. You know what? Should I just give it? You know what? P-Tong, because you donated four times.
Scroll down a little bit.
CDC made spread claims, citing a study that said, we don't know.
Journalists, parroting a press release isn't lying, but you have to be fairly shitty your
job.
I suck, Cox.
I said, just regurgitate talking points.
There you go, P-Tong.
At least you got something out of it.
Crunch knocks for 99.
Wipe that popcorn
bucket off your lap so Eric can get
at that hog, Vito. Eight G's
for a blow G. What the fuck are you
talking about? Eight G's. To hook with
guys for five, Vito should educate himself
and visit the Corbet
Report. Also, I'm dumb,
so you get $10. Thank you, Cara Froh, moderator
of the stars for five. Great show as always.
Thanks, Cara. Thank you, Cara.
Dumb username for two.
Woke cartoons are ugly.
Steven Universe and Velma.
I don't think they're ugly. Steven Universe looks okay.
It's just how they look.
Like what, Beavis and Butthead is ugly?
Yeah, but on purpose.
Everybody's always like, look, some art styles are annoying and ugly.
I agree that that Big Mouth show looks like shit, but the people watching it like it, so who cares?
You know?
Yeah, I don't know.
I don't know.
Yeah.
I don't think it's like, and again, I don't think it's like a culture thing where it's like, they're trying to make cartoons uglier.
Steven Universe had some weird themes, like when Steven Universe and that little girl combined into one person.
Yeah, it was made by As I always keep telling people
I'm like, if you think animation is gay
Like, go meet animators
They're all gay
It's all a bunch of weird gay kids making cartoons
And you caused that
By bullying the gay kids
And turning them into weird artists
Yeah
It's your fault
I don't know if like
Transformers were any better though
Like, RC was a woman robot I wanted to fuck Yeah I don't know if like Transformers were any better though Like RC was a woman robot
I wanted to fuck
Yeah
I don't know if that's better than
Like a two people merging
Or something
Disney basically caused
Furrydom
With all their
Robin Hood
Tailspin baby
Yeah with Tailspin
And Alvin and the Chip
Oh god when the Chipettes
Showed up
You're like what are you doing
You know what you're doing
I don't know about this
Dancing Dave Get in here Dave Come on Chipette showed up. You're like, what are you doing? You know what you're doing. I don't know about this. Dancing.
Dave, get in here. Dave. Come on.
Ryan Feeney
for 50. Take my money. Put it on
black. Okay. No, this is the
super killer stream. You want the
ice on stream where you can put it all on black. Oh,
okay. You're putting it all on Italian.
Italiano.
Cynthia Death Rage.
Nice. For five.
You know, I just spent $175 on your comics.
They don't come with corner protectors.
Your family is done.
What's a corner protector?
Is that a thing?
I don't know.
I was going to put them in the poly bags and then put that inside a outer cardboard shell.
Doesn't that come with a cardboard thing?
Well, I'll look into it.
Ask Doug TenNapel.
His comic
Came in a whole thing
Beautifully
Beautiful box
I'm gonna make sure
That everything is shipped
Very well
Okay
And I'll also have a thing
Look if for some reason
It shows up bent or damaged
I can replace your comic
You know
Yeah
Yeah
That's the other thing
It's like
It's not
There's gonna be
Probably pretty good
It'll be fine
As long as you get it in there right
It'll be fine
We're gonna have the poly bags Everything else Oh we gotta weigh a way to weigh in. Let's do the weigh-in
Doing the weigh-in hold on I'm gonna put on some music or something while we you bring the scale bring the scale over here
Yeah, it has to be
Okay, I have to go I have to go check Vita. I mean, let me put on some music I know I have to see it. I have to go I have to go check Let me put on some music
No, I have to see it
I have to see it
I absolutely have to see it
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Put it right there
Put it right there, okay
Right there?
Just twist it so I can see the front
Maddie, get out of the way
Maddie, come here, come here
Come here
Yeah, twist it so I can see
And then I'm gonna move the microphone over here
Okay
Now I can okay now I'm recording it Vito is on this on the scale
Okay, we have it. Okay. We have it step off
We'll tell you what it is next week Biggest problem in the universe
Biggestproblem.show
Patreon.com slash biggest problem
Okay bye
Or should we tell him now
Tell him next week
Next week
Then they'll have to continue