The Bill Bert Podcast - The Bill Bert Podcast | Episode 17 w. Bob Saget

Episode Date: June 3, 2020

Bill and Bert prattle with Bob Saget about Rodney and Sam, getting yelled at, and remaking classics.

Thank you, Bill. Hey, everybody. How are you? Welcome to another edition of The Bill. Bert. Pod. Gast. Today, we have with us, oh, Jesus, judging already with that fucking face.

One of the biggest celebrities. This guy is bigger than the Hollywood sign. He's just, he is a monster, both good and bad in this business. Please welcome Mr. Bob Saget, everybody. Thank you. Please hold your applause to the end. Are those all your awards in the background? No, it's a bunch of shit.

There's a Rodney Dangerfield statue right there. I got an award for that. And then I got inducted into the TV Hall of Fame right i further a video show for people getting hit in the nuts oh my god oh my god can i tell you that that show that show i'm being dead serious when i first went my first time hanging out with my wife on a sunday at her house when we first started dating she put on america's funniest home videos now as a comic i was like i'm not gonna watch this i don't i don't need to see this i gotta i got a high level of sense of humor she's like no this is the greatest show you've ever watched and i went america's funniest home videos and bob i saw one with this black dude this it was a white guy dressed as a as a scarecrow with

the halloween candy in his lap and like a cheerleader comes up and then the guy goes whoa and the cheerleader goes and this black dude comes up i never like i say i used to watch this every day it made me laugh black dude comes up he's got sweatpants on he's talking about some some construction work he's got lined up reaches in and the white guy just the scarecrow goes the black guy goes bam and knocks him unconscious knocks him unconscious. Yeah, fucking dying laughing. Did it win? It should have won the 10 grand. Good ones never won. It was always the shitty one of the baby in the fucking stroller.

Yeah, you know why? Why? Because they didn't let the ones win that were international. So they would buy those. And they would do like a trade, like trading cards. They would trade videos. So they wouldn't fly somebody from Sweden because that's too expensive. So they only did domestic or sometimes Canada clips.

That show was really groundbreaking as far as that was sort of like YouTube before YouTube. Like all those videos, you know, Fail Army and, you know, Epic Fail, whatever the hell they call it. Like that was uh they sort of took from your show yeah and everything online i mean everything i look at half the people's things they put on instagram is all nut hits and just people you know pants falling down and they're they have to scramble the signal of their dick you know which that's how i see penises anyway when i would go into a locker room everybody's dick is scrambled that's how I see penises anyway when I would go into a locker room everybody's dick is scrambled that's how straight I am or want to be so bad I want to be straight

all right being gay now you can get a show you can get your own bathroom or something there's a lot of movement in that direction yeah you finally came out and now you're you're crawling back in well you know I did Full House. If that's not doubling down on that. How crazy is it, though, that one of the cool things about you, when I first came out to L.A., was, like, you were the Full House dad, and then you would get on stage and talk about cunt this and cunt that. No, I didn't say cunt a lot. Only about exes.

No, I didn't do that. No, I really didn't say it. No, but you wouldunt a lot. Only about exes. No, I didn't do that. No, I really didn't say it. No, but you would curse a lot. I did curse. I did curse. If that was today, meaning if you were on Full House now and that was the hit kind of family show and you went on stage and talked course,

you'd get canceled in a fucking second. Well, look at Jeff Garland. He's on the number one family show, the Goldbergs. So then you've got two double whammies. It's a fucking second. Well, look at like Jeff Garlin. He's on like the number one family show, the Goldberg. So then you got two double whammies. It's a Jewish family and it's a hit show

and he gets on stage and says whatever he wants, you know, and I guess now, but it's not like I was blatantly doing dick joke after dick joke. Bill knows,

Bill knows and it was just imagery for me. It was like hitting a body. I've used Bob Saget's hat as a template for my entire career as far as writing closing bits and stuff like that. You got to go dick joke, you know? Bob's the only guy I've ever seen to be able to sustain it, though. A lot of people, once they get into the dick joke thing, it's got to be towards the end of their act or else there's nowhere to go. But not with Bob. just endlessly exploring every fold it's a through line crotch

area every vein every avenue every vesicle well that's not true he's also an incredible musician plays a guitar great he sings a little bit he's got all kinds of awards. He takes compliments well. You know, he does benefits for people. As much as he tries to be edgy, there's a big old softie in there. Well, he overpaid the fuck out of me one time. We did a college together, Bob. Do you remember this?

I know we did. Where was it? It was in New York, and you paid me $5,000 to open for you. and I remember getting the check in the like you got on stage I go back there's an envelope I get the check and I'm like holy shit this is how for how young I was I thought I got your check so I was like I went up to you and I was like I think they gave me your check and you looked at it went, mine's a lot bigger, buddy. No, but you were really funny. And I only see you on tape and stuff. And then they said, how's this?

And I went, oh, no, he's great. But it is a mistake. It was supposed to be 500. I took a loss. You just didn't want to go through this social awkwardness. Right. And I knew it would come out eventually in a situation like this when podcasts were king. Yeah.

Yeah, but you know something? You overpaid him by $4,500 and I'm sure he told 20,000 people. So that money came right back to you. I've told everyone how you overpaid me. I remember it was like the biggest. It was like $5,000 when I just had Georgia. that was a game changer that was like okay rent's taken care of for three months i mean i'm that's two things if you give me a good intro bringing me on stage i never forget it and if you paid me if you paid me well i'll never for people that paid well you

that shit spreads like wildfire with other comics. That makes me very happy that I did that because I would never do that today. Because there's no way. I have to ask you, Bert, this drive-in thing. Is it on hold or are you doing it? Let's go. I think everything's sold out. So it's June, July.

That's your summer. You're going to be doing drive-ins. June and July. I'm doing drive-in movie theaters. It's stand up and drive-in movie theaters. I think I got to travel with the stage so that we bring the stage with us. Show start at eight. And yeah, it's going to be fun.

Like, I think it's going to be one of those things where you look at it and you go, well, I'm never going to do this again. And now is when it's safe and it's a way to do stand-up. So I'm kind of excited. I like trying the frontier-ness of it is what I like, you know? Yeah. Well, you look like you're Grizzly Adams right now. I mean, you're there.

And I have a question, and I'm sure you probably talk about it in your stand-up, but do you shower in full clothing? Do you sleep fully clothed, and only when you're working, everything comes off? Yeah. I have sex with my shirt on. I put it on just because I want to razzle-dazzle it. Right. Keep them guessing.

Are there enough drive-ins out there? That's been on my bucket list to go see. I wanted to take my wife. There's like one or two left in the LA area, and I always wanted to take my wife. No, there's only one now. After last night, there's only one. Oh, no.

No, they're popping up. They're all over the place. And as soon as as i announced it they started hitting me up everywhere and so we may add some shows because it's i remember seeing are you doing two shows doing two shows late show starts kind of late you got to do it when the sun sets you got it it's you can't the sun's got to be down to start the show and uh and it should be interesting you know i i hope i hope they're fun shows are they gonna put you up on the screen yeah i go up on the big screen and i'm on in front of the screen so it'll be three cameras or something you got people shooting it three cameras so it's like you're it's like watching a special and then all the uh all the

the uh audio goes right through their FM players into their cars. I love this. To me, I love shit like that. I love shit like that, too. I used to do a show called the Callin' Sick to Work. So I'd go and do radio from 8 till 10, drink on air, and then I'd go right to the comedy club and tell everyone on radio, Callin' Sick to Work, don't go to work.

And I'd come to the club. They'd open up the club at like 11 and we do a show at noon and that was the funnest fucking shows i would ever do because everyone's day drinking that's like how hammered did people get bill people got so fucked up i the last one i did was in tampa i gave Segura's number out on stage and then and they were chanting the machine and I just I don't I go I'm not doing it and I walked off I don't remember getting paid I don't remember getting home all I know is I wake up in a house right I've never been in my entire life I wake up in this house and I'm looking around and I'm like whose fucking house am I in I go out and no one's in the house it's a really nice house no one's in the house and I'm like, whose fucking house am I in? I go out. No one's in the house. It's a really nice house.

No one's in the house. And I'm sitting here going, I don't have my cell phone. I don't know where my cell phone is, but I don't know where my wallet is. And I'm looking at this house. And all of a sudden, I see a picture of my sister in this house. I go, that's a picture of my sister when she was a kid. I look around. All of a sudden, door opens.

My dad walks in. My parents have bought a new house. That's fantastic. I hadn't been there yet. I was like, what the fuck? Where are we? He goes, oh, have bought a new house. That's fantastic. I hadn't been there yet. I was like, what the fuck? Where are we? He goes, oh, we got a new house. I showed you, but I think you were drunk.

I was like, holy shit. And the question to that answer is, how do you make a comedian? Yeah, exactly. He wakes up in his new house and doesn't know it with his real parents. Hey, open invite to either of you guys. If you want to come out and do one of these drive-in movie theater shows for shits and giggles where is it at we're doing uh june 24th in charlotte then tulsa then indy and then

fort collins and then i think we're going to keep adding them and i'm just going to stay out on the bus what about that one out here in la uh yeah Yeah, I haven't gotten an offer from him yet. In Van Nuys, there's something like that. I would do that. I'd come in and do a guest set and then give you the intro. And I get the same check I paid you, right? Yeah. By the way, I'm not even getting that, I don't think.

It's not a moneymaker. I would do Tulsa. Yeah? I love Oklahoma. And i also love that city man that that uh what what is it the uh what theater is that the brady theater oh yeah oklahoma's the shit um there's also a promoter there who had this old ass cadillac he let me drive it around uh before the show thing was just like, you know, floating on a cloud, the suspension, everything was messed up, but it was it was amazing. Also, Oklahoma, Bill, to be like the opening scene to The Outsiders when they hit Ponyboy and Johnny are at the drive in. When Dean Del Rey opened for me out there, he went to the I was too

tired. He goes, dude, he's like the outsider house is down the street it's red you gotta go see it and then of course i didn't go and i came you know before the show how was he goes oh it was killer it looks the exact same makes you just feel like you just met dean can nobody can sell you shit like dean del rey so uh for our listeners out there, Bert is in Malibu. I believe rolling his own cigars or he started a wine vineyard or some shit. I don't know what you're doing, but it definitely looks like

I was just like, you know, after the rioting and stuff, I thought you just left or something. It looks like Gilligan's Island. Yeah, it's beautiful here. We're right, we're like five minutes from the beach up in the hills. And you're with your wife? it looks like Gilligan's Island yeah it's beautiful here we're right we're like uh five minutes from the beach up in the hills it's uh and you're with your wife no I left her at home I just thought I'd get away oh did you leave her at home right near where all the trouble is

I'm I actually got her a rental right on Fairfax so hopefully that's something no but the girls and then my wife tell her to pick some stuff up at Cantor's and bring it to you in Malibu. Wait, where are you guys at? I know where Bill is. Bob, are you close to where the riots are going? No, I'm up on the, not yet. I'm up on the west side up a hill. Yeah, it's been crazy, man.

It's been so upsetting. It's been so upsetting. And yet, to get into it is, yeah. My favorite thing at all is when white people explain to black people how they should be feeling and how they should be handling this. That's my favorite thing. Like they know what they've gone through for a thousand years. Well, you know what? You know what the problem, and I have the same. As a person, I have the same problem. It's human beings would rather win than get to what's right. And everything's broken up into teams.

I always say that. Just trying to win. People just want to be proven that they're right. They don't want the truth. Yeah, and everybody does that. The hardest thing in the fucking world is to get out of your own head and realize that someone is experiencing a life different than yours and to actually listen.

And then the person telling you it's really hard for them to explain their life without the other person feeling like they're getting a finger pointed at them. It's a major defect in in uh humanity humanity yeah so until they uh because i i feel like both sides should be able to sit down and and talk this out because uh so much yeah both sides are thrusted into this thing that we've all in our own ways have created oh for sure we're either we're either of you persecuted as a kid? I was. No, I was.

Not for my skin. Actually, for my skin tone, how white I was and how orange my hair was. But it was just sort of standard bullying. I guess that made- I never got pulled over by the cops for having red hair, but I definitely got a couple of towel whippings uh during gym class it's about how it's about how rough it got for me how about you bert no i was uh i got bullied but not i mean but just like a regular kid like whatever the i always say like i've had it

pretty easy in life like i am an example of white privilege i think i was in Norfolk, Virginia, and people threw rocks at my head and called me a Jew. And it happened a lot. And I'm Presbyterian, so I don't understand. But obviously, I am no Jew, but I am. I got my ex. I brought my ex wife. That's the advantage of doing this in your office. Look at that ass. Seriously, look at that. If that's what you married it on in your office look at that ass seriously look at that if that's how you married it and once you find out what was between those two ears actually that haircut is what i looked like when i was in the fifth grade bill being being redhead being redheaded is probably it's like it's like no one stands

up for redheads but redheads are taunted their entire... No, no, it wasn't as bad. South Park tipped it over. South Park did that episode, and I was already into adulthood, but they were the ones that brought it to the forefront. They made it mainstream, and then all of a sudden, all that ginger shit,

no one said ginger here. No. No one said that shit. No. Like no one said that shit. Like when I went over to, toured in Europe, it was the first hour. You're a ginge. You're a ginger.

I'm like, what the fuck does that mean? Like you got red hair, you're ginger. I was like, oh, all right. All right.

But it didn't sound derogatory over there as much as over here. Then it kind of seemed like, oh, someone's kind of just called me a fucking pussy or something over here it just you know as everything just seems to take on a little more of a uh you know nastier tone i don't know what when it travels so i got off easy no it was just redhead and bullshit like that but i didn't have overly complex, but once that South park episode came on, like that sort of kicked it into, uh, you know, it's weird. Like you've really found with the internet,

like how fucking childish people are and how much that bullying thing really didn't go away as much as you just became an adult. Yeah. No, not to do that. Um, but you get on the internet and it's just like uh if there's any way to attack or humiliate or go after somebody that's in a a less larger group i mean it's just done from the obvious all the racial shit to anything you you know? So. Well, you're, you're kind of the example. You've influenced me a lot because I've been doing a lot of your material, but.

I would explain those pathetic awards behind you. One of them is your mother. I actually had a replica of, of where you came out of back there. But all I was going to say. Did that help you out? Did that get you through some lonely nights? Yeah. You I was going to say. How did that help you out? Did that get you through some lonely nights? Yeah, you got a hot mom. Did you take your glasses on?

Did you take them off? Your mom's a ginger. But I was just, is that ginger from Gilligan's Island? Is that what that is between Ginger and Marianne? Or is it like 100, 500 years old? I don't know. Because I thought it was like a Betty. She's a Betty was from Archie, you know, for the comics. But this, I don't know. Because I thought it was like a Betty. She's a Betty was from Archie, you know, for the comics.

But this, I don't know. Anyway, what I was going to say, Bill, is you're so. These are fucking sag it was from Full House. You had to say that. I got some Full House paraphernalia if you want a lunchbox or a T-shirt. What I was going to say was you're so amazing. And I'm like this on stage especially but if someone throws one rock at me i throw a thousand back i get like a catapult i mean if you verbally hey burke did you see how that started off as a compliment for me and then quickly just

went to all about bob yeah you're right i haven't had time for therapy, Bill. But you're, to me, the master of just not putting up with shit. You're just so, and it's coming from such a real place. I just, I really just look up to you a lot because you make me when you're- I'm waiting for the overhand right here. This is just such a long setup. Go ahead. When you pee on me, I'm always looking up to to you but what i'm saying is you're so good and burt would agree don't you think maybe the that's him bailing out master composer for this so he's trying to drag you into this shit

then he's just i think burt would agree he's trying to throw it to you it's hard for me to throw a compliment to you bill and, because you won't accept it. Guys, my wife's naked. Do you want to see? Hell yeah. Is she naked? Oh, no. I mean, no.

Hey, I got one for you. So my wife's about a week away from having our second kid. Congrats. And you're the dad. You're sure. I don't know. Well, we always get tested.

You know, we have sort of an open relationship. Right. So, um, I, I made her these, these cheesecake,

peanut butter, cheesecake, brownies. Peanut butter, cheesecake, brownies. Yeah. They're actually fucking delicious.

So I'm making them as I'm tasting them them like this is going to be fucking great you know make her some sweets or whatever help her out right like i'm not going to eat half the tray i'm trying to make myself out to be a hero here i'm going bob saget here so i make this fucking thing and they tell you to line line the fucking tray with aluminum foil and then spray it. I'm like, that's weird. They usually go parchment paper, but I just find parchment paper just catches on fire, so I go find it. So I do that, all right, and they finally finish.

It's like 1130 at night. I go to eat one, and it's the worst tasting thing I've ever had in my life. You know what you did? I know. I know. It reminded me of this time I ate a burger when I was shit-faced at a Patriots game that had lighter fluid all over it. Because we thought we had it lit. And then we put the burgers on.

And then the fire went out. We were hammered. We were just spraying it all over that. It was that chemical paste. So I was like, Nia, don't eat them. They're the worst thing I ever made. I don't know what the fuck happened I put a thousand pounds of sugar in there how could that taste bad and the next morning came downstairs and I saw the slice that I had taken out and I saw the aluminum foil this

is one tiny piece triangle of aluminum foil and it's that cheap aluminum foil too during the pandemic I can't get the good shit you know the stuff that you just hold like this and if you exhale, it rips in half. It was that light. I ate a piece of tinfoil. If you have fillings, you're dead. If you got metal fillings. Dude, I'm telling you,

it was like stuck somewhere between my throat and my stomach for like a day and a half and I finally got it out of there. You should have called me. I'd be happy to get anything out of your throat. I'm sure you would. You're so handsome.

Jesus Christ. He just always has to make it fucking uncomfortable. By the way, I love your wife a lot. You know that. Yeah, a little bit too much. You just tend to... Yeah, yeah. Remember your wedding.

Hey, Bob, I have a question. Where have you just tend to yeah yeah your wedding hey bob i have a question where have you lived in la i started in palms in a single apartment across from a furniture warehouse and i was going to go to usc film school and then i moved to hollywood on those couches across the street and that's how he moved up to the next level and started I moved to Hollywood. I lived on Camino Palmeiro down the street from the magic castle for a while. Yeah. I know that street. And then I lived in the Valley on Sepulveda. He got all these shiny shirts when he goes on stage and headlines. I wear the same shirt you wear for 12 years.

We got 50 black shirts hanging in the fucking closet. Then, you know, and then and then uh and then i moved and i moved to new york to do a show that i got fired from and then i moved back to i moved a lot i moved you had a lot of houses in la i i started renting and then i could afford one and i got one in the valley on uh valley vista in sherman oaks that was my first house that I could afford that I bought. And then I moved to the Palisades and then got divorced and then rented for a while. And now I'm in another area, you know, some undisclosed spot. Yeah. And how about you?

I don't know. I just started thinking like, because, you know, everyone's talking about moving out of L.A., and I was just thinking, if I could live anywhere in the world, where would I want to, like, meaning, like, I didn't have to live in L.A. Why are people talking about leaving L.A.? I don't know. Because of the fucking coronavirus and. Oh, I hope they all leave. Get the fuck out of here.

There's too many people. Great. They want to act. Once the shows come back, everybody's going to come out for pilot season. Does that exist anymore? No, but I used to have a friend, and he used to come out every year from New Jersey for pilot season

like he was migrating like a geese. I do plural. And I went, what? But you have to be here. You got to be here all the time. And then there was no more pilot season. There's any time. And now it's like, you know,

you develop something and they're, I used to come out for pilot season and I would be so excited for the first two weeks, you know, the weather, the change of scenery. And then that the weather, the change of scenery, and then that the fucking, the subtleness of how difficult the city this is to live in would kick in in about 10 days. Like everybody, when they talk about a tough city, they always talk about New York, you know, if I can make it there, I can make it then. I always found New York, maybe because I grew up

in the East Coast, I just found it way easier because you could sort of escape the business. And when I came out here, I kind of didn't know how to do that. And there was just something about the weather not changing out here. And if you were in a bad place in your career, you got into that Groundhog Day, like fucking-

Holy shit. Every day, 72 degrees, smoggy. Every day, Every fucking day. And I used to play that, what was it, the L.A. Comedy Club? Remember that one out in Ventura? No. It was west of the 405 off the 101. It was the only place after a while I could get stage time.

And they were going through a bad time, and there wasn't a lot of people coming out to the club um you know they still had fucking all these old head shots up on the wall super fucking depressing um sorry no i'm sure mine's up there um but i i i used to go to newport they had a newport beach they had the laugh. And there was one in Houston. And that's where I met Kennison. Because they forbid him to go to the comedy workshop because of his kind of material. And as a result, when I met him and started hanging out with him before he came out here, he chained himself to a telephone pole and put himself in a diaper like Jesus and put a crown of

thorns on his head with fake blood dripping down and had his eyes roll back. And they put him on the front page of the Houston Chronicle arts and leisure. And then everybody started talking about him cause he'd been a, you know, the faith healing business. And then he moved out to LA and, uh, I introduced him to Mitzi. It's like I, he was, that was fucking fun. Wait a minute, dude. That's like a huge moment in standup comedy. You introduced Sam Kinison to Mitzi.

He just glazed over it. And then I just didn't put a condom on. Anyway, anyway, long story. Three twins later, but he, this would be triplets, but he, I also introduced triplets but he uh he i also introduced me rodney dangerfield and so we were on the same young comedian show that rodney hosted and i did 15 minutes did pretty well as we say uh except people that go i crushed you know i don't know who they are uh i guess they're doing really well and then uh and then sam went on and did 15 minutes and then the the

room shook it was a danger field to new york and the final thing on hbo i had three and a half minutes and sam had 15 and i said to rodney what the hell he goes i can't help it man i love sam too much there was no more time for anybody else and he was he was right because sam was doing the whole bit about can't feed the kid you know cameraman's got a sandwich you know the star how did you handle that though that you must have been pissed though i was hurt i was the guy that would get hurt not pissed because i couldn't get pissed right wow you could describe me doing t i gotta tell you it's so much easier if you fuck somebody

over if they get mad. If they get hurt, that's brilliant because you will carry them. Oh, man, I hurt Bob. That's why you're healthy. And Rodney felt bad about it because he was, you know, a neurotic Jew. And he told me, you're fucked, man. You're a Jew. You're neurotic.

You're never going to be happy. That's what he would tell me when I was like 24. All right, you're on next. Have a a good set, man. Don't fuck up." What was Rodney like? I wish I had gotten to meet him. He was, um... He was an interesting guy. He loved pot, smoked every day. He said he didn't care who knew it.

He wanted it on his tombstone, you know, that he loved it. He loved to help young comedians because he had such a hard time. And he had, you know, he went through hell. I mean, he was Jacob Cohen, and then he was Jack Roy, and then a club owner gave him the name Rodney Dangerfield. Jacob Cohen is such a fucking great name.

Jacob Cohen. Although Rodney Dangerfield now is... Rodney Dangerfield is, I mean, it's... Pretty iconic. Dangerfield is a... How did he come up with that? The club owner did it. Came up with, I got it, you're this.

That's his version. And when I met him, I was in the comedy store in La Jolla, and he walked in, and that weekend, Bruce Baum, a funny guy, friend friend of mine and Robin was there all weekend and I was like the middle guy around all of this insanity and then Robin would go on after me and then Rodney would go on after him and Rodney when I met him was in La Costa to clean up from drugs which was a spa near San Diego. Drugs and booze and everything.

He did everything, you know. And he comes in. He goes, I like you, man. I saw you on Merv Griffin's show. You're fucked up. I like you. And he goes, you're funny. You're fucking funny, man.

That's all that matters. I was supposed to clean up and go to La Costa, but I can't do it. No booze, no coke, no pot, no pills. I can't do it, man. And I just, how the fuck? He must have said it to 12 people before he said it to me. But no booze, no coke, no pot, no pills. I can't do it, man. And I just, how the fuck? He must have said it to 12 people before he said it to me. But no booze, no Coke, no pot, no pills is one sentence, you know? It would be a hashtag.

And we became friends. He came to the Comedy Store condo where we would stay. Did you guys stay in that? Yeah. Yeah, I stayed there. A letterman one time brought his dogs. And there were fleas in there ever since. And they never defleed the place.

Mitzi didn't bring in a service, so I'd be itching in the bed there. But Rodney would hang out, and we became friends, and we stayed friends. And then I officiated his funeral. I was friends with him for, my God, 35 or 40 years, some crazy, 40 years. How old was he when he passed?

84. And he shouldn't have died. Living that life too, living that life. Fuck that. 84, I can do 84. If you can booze and party until then, I can do 84. I'll do 100. Do you guys know a comedian, Vinnie Mark?

No. East Coast guy. He used to open for Rodney. He can, first of all, do a dead-on Rodney. He's got some of the greatest stories about him. One of the ones I remembered as far as him smoking pot every day was when he would be working in Vegas, Rodney had a one-hitter. And he'd be walking

through the casino and he'd had like two or three open an axe. And when he wanted to take a hit, he'd be like, all right, boys, gather round, gather round. They make like a semicircle. And then he'd take a hit when he was done. He'd be like, all right, break it up, break it up. And he would just peel off. Break it up, break it up. Break it up, break it up. You want to see something cool? I have to go get it. It would take me one second to bring it up you want to see something cool i have to go get it it would take me one second to get it you want to see something cool yeah just that setup alone

yes it's not gonna be my dick there's something interesting about bob saget walking away from camera in his house it's like this becomes like a reality show let's see it bob you say the last thing so people can look at your house. Okay, just stare at my desk. Okay. Wait right there. All right. Okay. I'm back.

Hi. That didn't take too long. I hope you guys talked about me. All right. Let me plug this shit back in. Okay. Here we go. This, his widow gave me.

This is a box. This is his pot box. It has RD on it. Wow. Let's see it. So this inside of it, this is cool as shit. This is inside of it

is Rodney's pot pipe. No fucking way. This is Rodney's fucking pot pipe. I also have here because I've done these scleroderma benefits and Bill, you've been kind enough to do it and Bert, I'm going to ask you too, because we try to help people.

This is a fucking awesome picture. Wow. Oh my God. The only problem with that picture is Lovitz, but otherwise. Who's on the far, far right? Is that Tim Allen? That's Tim Allen. Robin, John Lovitz, Rodney Dangerfield.

Who's to the left? That'd be Saget. That's Tim Allen. That's Tim Allen. Robin, John Lovitz, Rodney Dangerfield, who's to the left? I'd be Saget. That's you? The guy over here is me. Turn your head to the side. Let's see which side that is. Just look at the photo. Left side.

So look, it's not gonna work in a lineup. I don't think that that's you. I don't think you were there. That is not you. That's me. You look like a fucking senator from Great Teeth. I got something better. You ready? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're going to fucking love this. His wife gave this to me. I've never shown it to anybody, but you guys asked about him and I'm on the inner sanctum. I got a bottle and I talked about it in a special. It's a bottle of Rodney Dangerfield Viagra. Oh, wow. Oh my God. It's Dangerfield and it says,

it says Viagra. Talk about not giving a fuck. He didn't even go with like an alias. No, I know, right? It's weird. I gotta have these pills. My dick's not going up anymore, okay? Anyway.

Hey, have you ever smoked weed out of that pot? Out of that bowl? No, weed does not agree with me, but if I'm gonna do it, it's smoked weed out of that pot? Out of that bowl? No, weed does not agree with me, but if I'm going to do it, it's going to be out of that. But I'm going to probably clean it up a little bit. Please invite me to that. Okay. Maybe that's what we'll do.

Behind the drive-in screen. What, Bill? I'm sorry. I was going to say that. If you smoke out of that, that's like some comedian meets Native American, like peyote fucking something wow and bill i was influenced by him for dick jokes if you listen to him he would just go do a tight 50 man just 50 that's all you got to do and his it was all dick jokes

it was you know it was a joke sometimes you'd hear did someone else say that but it was a joke. Sometimes you'd hear, did someone else say that? But it was a Rodney joke. You know, having sex at my age is like shooting pool with a rope. You know, that's... It was all dick jokes. And then in the middle of his set, if he was having a good set, which was most of the time, because he was just machine gun, he'd go, I'm fucking funny, all right? That's hilarious. I would love that uncomfortable, that thing where he would do,

the thing he would do with his mouth. He just looked like, he always looked like he was getting interrogated. That's how he looked at life. He would tell me that to stay alive as a comedian, and if you're a Jew, like that's how he looked at life. He would be like, getting out of Germany during World War II is you do a tight six minutes for the guard at the border.

And if you're funny, you get out of Germany. If you do a good six minutes. That's all it takes, man. But he gave me three on the special. What the fuck? God. But I was close with him. And he was a big influence,

as was Richard. I mean, I was fucking at the store. I was, like, 22 and hanging out with Richard. And then I ended up doing a movie with him, and he was the... It's crazy shit. What movie were you in? The Toy? Critical Condition.

Oh. Where he's in the gown, and he's going like this? He's a fake doctor. he's going like this? He's a fake doctor. He's a convict that escaped, and he pretends he's a doctor. And it had great actors in it. It had Rachel Ticketing and Joe Mantegna and Ruben Blades, who is almost the president of Panama,

and Randall Tex Cobb and all these weird, eclectic, wonderful people. Tex Cobb, and all these weird, eclectic, wonderful people. Tex Cobb has a great IMDb. He does? He's always in good movies. Raising Arizona, wasn't he in that? Oh, he was. Oh, wait, is that who that is?

Yeah, he was also in those Chuck Norris movies about getting the POWs back. Yeah. He's a good actor. I think they're literally called Mission in Action. Mission in Action 1, 2, 3 or something like that.

Yeah. And obviously the nicest guy. Like, fucking nice. So nice. You know, we know a movie I saw last night, late night,

that was on that is a perfect movie for what it is, is What About Bob? What About Bob is a great fucking movie. The way Bill Murray and Richard Dreyfuss play off each other in that movie, it's just, it's genius.

And there's not an ounce of fat on it. Because I was totally engaged. And, you know, old man, I started dozing off to the end. I felt like I fell asleep for three minutes. I'm like, it's over already? And it's just because it's so fucking tight. Yeah.

Every time we eat, I apparently do what Bob does when he eats, when he's like, mmm, mmm, mmm. And my daughter is supposed to start doing it with me. Anytime a joke, you can hear a joke, be it in a movie or in stand-up and then it plug into your life and you can just share it with your family and it'd be like now you're running joke that's one fucking i love that shit yeah that movie is interesting because it draws you in in in the way that kind of analyze this does in its own way years later. But then the third actor one about Bob goes way over the top because the mania and the neurosis of Bill Murray is like, you know, it's an 11,

but it really works as something. It's really unusual that it works that it's that crazy. It's, it's one of my favorite comedies yeah besides besides the uh the pete davidson movie that i have yet to see june i dude i just tried they sent me a of an email bill and they were like hey if you'd like to watch this screen watch like to watch a movie judd apatow and pete would like you to watch it i was like great i must have sent a hundred fucking emails trying to get to get that screener. That is the one movie my wife is dying to fucking see.

Yeah, mine too. Whatever they did with that trailer, it's been crushing and everybody seems to be wanting to watch it. So, oh, it's, you know, there's also the F is for family trailer. There's a lot of Bill Burr on June 12th. And then the well just dries up. Not for long. I don't have anything after that.

Those things don't hit. Old Billy Boy's going back to his parents' house. Oh, sure. That ain't happening. You're super crazy. So, wait. Bill, talk about the movie for a little bit. I'd love to hear you talk about it.

All right. I've seen it.'s great i think it might be judd's best work and um i had a massive panic attack before i did it and um why i i have a tendency to if I look too far down the fucking road, I get overwhelmed. You know, I had this big part. You know, there was a bunch of stuff in the role that I had never done before. So it was outside my comfort zone. I was leaving L.A. and where I live and all of my shit.

And now I'm not going to see my kid, but fortunately they came along, but you know, the deal, you're still working 12, 14 hour days. So, uh, I, I had that comedian, like I should, I should just do standup, you know, I just fucking do my dick jokes. I get my fucking money and then I go home and I just fucking sit there. Like I had that whole, why am I trying to do this? You know, every time I'm in one of these, then I'm then fucking Aquaman part seven comes out and buries whatever movie I was in. And I, all it was,

it was just away from my kids. So I had this massive fucking panic attack. And, um, you know, my friends and my wife talked me off the fucking ledge and I was like, all right. And then I went down there the first day I had a good time I didn't get fired and then it just became like

this great hang I just had fun and all the firefighters and actors we all bonded we're just breaking balls before we went on during the scenes after and then Pete Davidson just sort of set the tone where, you know, he was there first and left last. And if he could shoot you out and get you out of there, he would do it, which is really unprecedented behavior by someone number one on the call sheet because usually, you know, they do all their coverage and the lead jumps in their SUV and fucking leaves

and then everybody else is hanging out. And he was just, he was awesome. Well, because of his life, he has so much wisdom at such a young age because of the hardship. And you're playing, I mean, you're playing his dad,

man. That's like, I'm not playing his dad. You fucking jerk off. I'm playing the guy. Is Steve Buscemi his dad? No, it's Buscemi.

Oh, he told me it was Buscemi. No, if I was at your house right now, I'd take one of your awards away from you. Oh. I love that. That moment is my favorite moment ever because Bill's so serious

and he's playing his daddy. I thought you were his dad in the movie. No, that's the whole point. He's not his dad. He's fucking his mom. See, you know who told me you were his dad? I not gonna tell you somebody that we both know oh i was misinformed yeah well i mean it's it's a quick trailer how would how would you know i i knew i well you know the story is that his dad dies in 9-11 and and then you see him with him. It would be really – That's also not what happens.

Oh, for real? I thought it was based on his life. It is, but they took the 9-11 aspect out of it because – Don't spoiler alert. Well, I mean, no, it's not a – they actually talked about it in interviews, so I'm not – they took that element out of it so we could sort of avoid these Hatfields and McCoys of you know oh George Bush

red tie blue tie ass screaming and fucking yelling and all of that shit so they just sort of like you know I think they just sort of made it something that you know you can go in and watch and uh experience the story where I think like 9-11 was something that where everybody experienced everybody has some sort of sad emotion connected to it I think it would have been a little too heavy it was kind of a brilliant move to take it outside of that I think it's so funny the way I heard it is that his dad did die in 9-11 in the movie and that you and him bond and then find bin laden but I guess that's not what happens that is what happens and you just ruined the second act the truth is i heard bill that you play bin laden in the movie that's not

true but when we meet bin laden we actually hit it off so it becomes this weird thing we start playing cards and afterwards we know that we have to kill him. And, you know, it's one of those things. That's painful. Like, am I going to get past the I'm in this country and you're in that country? Or are we going to get down to the human-to-human thing? And I hate to say it, we chose patriotism. Hey, what's Judd Apatow like as a director?

Is he like super like, great job, Bill? Or is he one of those guys like, look we're moving on that means we got it? I never had a guy who said look if we're moving on we got it. Jeez how fucking needy are you on set? Somebody said that to you? You suck. That's why we're moving all the cameras. We've given up on you. No, he was great. We're never going to get you. Moving on.

Moving on. This guy's costing us money. Let's go rewrite his part. We'll loop him. I did have a showrunner one time on a pilot come up to me at like 2 in the morning. Elliot Gould told me i should ad lib right and so i ad libbed at two in the morning and elliot gould's playing a blind guy he's got a he's blind with a dog and he's standing behind me and and we can't get this line and

elliot gould just goes hi dad live if i were you and so i do an ad lib out and everyone laughs all the execs are still there it's two in the fucking morning showrunner comes up he's like great great great we're gonna do it one more time and then leans into me goes you're fucking me in the asshole right now and walks away and Elliot Gould still playing the blind guy goes sorry I have a similar story. Wait, what is it? Similar story. I fucking, I was doing a movie, and the scene wasn't working. And the lead was going, this scene doesn't make any sense.

My character wouldn't be fucking standing here. And if he touched me, I would fucking take my gun out, doing that shit. So there's tension. Because they know, you can't just fucking rewrite the scene it was pretty intense fucking thing so anyway the leads he starts improvving I'm in the scene and he's talking to me he's saying shit that isn't on the script so

I'm like all right I guess we're improvving so we go back to one and action and i come in and i just start improvving the whole fucking thing falls apart and all of a sudden the hatchet man the fucking big time producer all right we'll try we'll try one more and then he slowly just got right in my grill and barely above a whisper he just got in my face he's like what the fuck are you doing you don't fucking improv in this fucking set you say what the fuck is on the fucking page who the fuck do you think you are and just fucking he said like 50 fucks in my face and i was just sitting there going like i was kind of smiling at first thinking he was joking and he wasn't and then you know then you're thinking like why didn't you yell at the other guy? He was also in problem. That's right. He's the big star, right? Long story short, in my head,

I'm like, what the fuck am I doing here? I'm a comedian. I don't need this shit. Nobody has yelled. I haven't let anybody yell at me like that since my dad way back in the day. Dude, I was up to like three in the morning thinking about this shit, all this shit that I wanted to say. And I knew I couldn't say anything because he was the powerful guy and he was going to tell the story and that was going to be the truth. So I didn't fucking say anything. And it ended up being a great thing because that guy ended up hooking me up, just straight up hooking me up with a part in a movie like a couple of years later. And I got to know him and we hit it off and he was one of the coolest funniest fucking guys ever it was just a bad day on set and I was in his sights and I did that little thing and he

fucking took his day out on me but you know what I kept my mouth shut I took it like a man now I love the guy that's what's fucking hilarious is now I love the guy well when you go through that shit together it's an emotional thing it's like you you're actually um you don't hate me but you're a really good actor really good and I Mike Binder our mutual friend uh directed you in in black or white with and you played Costner's brother and if people haven't seen that did you see that movie Bill I mean Bert yes I did I fucking loved, did you see that movie, Bill? I mean, Bert. Yes, I did. I fucking loved that movie. I love that movie.

I forgot Bill was in it. Bill creeps up in every fucking movie. I was talking about a movie. I go, did you ever see that movie about Gary Hart? And he goes, I was fucking in it. That's the movie he lived in.

I so disappear into the character that you don't even know it's me. Once you put a little mustache on me, ooh, where did Bill go? But did you love Black Lives Matter? Pronounce Boston accent. Still all up in the mix. All right. A little bit of advertising here.

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When you came on as a guest on my thing, you had to explain to me how a podcast works. And I got lucky enough to have Manscaped as one of my sponsors. I've got their product inside my anus right now. Well, that's how I actually, that's my Bob Saget, like that Tom Hanks character I brought up that I could remember. Now I can't. Forrest Gump?

Forrest Gump. That's my Forrest Gump moment. I introduced Bob Saget to fucking podcasting. For real? Well, it's Monday. It aired. It aired? Do you call it aired?

What do you call it? It's up? What do you say? It's released? Yeah, uploaded. It's loaded. it aired do you call it aired do you really call it it's up what do you say released yeah uploaded it's it's loaded it's ejaculated into people's faces and ears and uh bill the name of it is he rips me a new one because he basically i know you got to do a spot vert but bill basically told me what my act was he says your act is nothing more you want to say it or can I say it, Bill? Do you want me to say it?

You know I was just joking. I love you. No, I didn't take it to heart. Wait a minute, Bob. Bob, did I hurt you? No, I love you. Don't fucking say that. No.

When you make fun of me, it makes me feel like you love me. That's how fucking sick I am mentally. But you said- That's true. I love you so much, I hate you. Same here. I love you so, i hate you i same here i love you so i hate you so much right now bert he said my act is nothing more than all the lines on full house they wouldn't let me say and i take those lines and i say fuck around them he said that's all my act is and i thought about

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I really loved that movie. Same. Bill, did you love making it? Which, black or white? Yeah, black or white. We know the Pete Davidson thing was a love fest. Black or white? We know the Pete Davidson thing was a love fest. Yeah, no, that was a, that was another one where it was, you know,

there was Kevin Costner, Octavia Spencer. There was a lot of, there was a lot of seasoned slash Oscar winning people that I was doing scenes with and some incredible character actors and stuff like that so yeah I had a yeah I was pretty great I was pretty green at that point so I've learned a lot of things since then where I used to be really just like you know this is the scene and we're doing this scene and I would know all the lines and then and now I'm doing this scene I wasn't looking at how they all connected in the arc of this person that I was playing. I tried to learn how to do that a little bit more. Well, it doesn't show in your newer work.

But the thing about Black or White is you were so, maybe that inexperience made you so vulnerable to be able to play his brother and his lawyer. I mean, it was just something really special. And Kevin, I'd known a long time. I haven't seen him in a long time. But he's a really good guy.

I wasn't his brother. Oh, you weren't? No. And you weren't Pete Davidson's father? No. I don't know your work. People seem to enjoy my acting performances, but they never quite understand who I'm related to, whoever I'm talking to.

So they just see you. They know you're good, but they don't know. You're so out of character that they don't know who you're playing. Wait, wait, wait, wait. I met somebody recently, one of the guys over at Barstool Sports. He fucking told me he watched the movie and he loved it and then asked, hey, did you do this in the movie? I go, yeah, I thought you watched it.

I said, I can't remember. So it's either something I'm doing or everybody with the cell phones up to their heads for 10 years before you got the hands-free devices. No, I went to a screening. Mike invited me of a rougher cut of it and nia was there i was with with your wife um i mean that's why i didn't pay attention i was with your wife um what's kevin costner like i want to i i feel like i know him i feel like you like like bull durham and fucking tin cup are two of my favorite movies

that define who i am as a dude and field of dreams oh come on yeah and dances with wolves for fuck's sake i mean i went i did i hate to do this but i did the groundlings with him before right after before american flyer came out which is one of his first big ones that was got him noticed and he had been cut out of the big chill he was the corpse in the big chill what was the other one Fandango yeah sorry I always interrupt the story finish your story no I always do but we did the groundlings together um and we did improv, a workshop with Barbie Benton, Hefner's lady for a while. And every situation, they would...

He was such a good actor, and he had to deal with the moment so much that did you the exercise where you hand someone a ball, an imaginary ball, and you receive it, and with whatever energy you're getting from the other actor, you're taking the ball, and then you give it to the other person. Someone comes at him and gives him this ball, imaginary ball, and the energy from this other actor was just like keystone cops.

And Kevin just holds the ball, and he doesn't know what to do with it. He can't – he doesn't know what he was getting from this guy because the guy was a lunatic. And then he finally just like, just finally, it was literally four minutes where he's holding the ball and everybody's, oh, this guy. I mean, and I'm like, you're amazing. You're so good.

And then we made out and got a hotel. Did you have drinks with him, Bill? We went bow fishing. What? Yeah, we went bow fishing. And after we wrapped, I went out and I got a fishing license. And I went out with him and like three, four other people and we had a blast i just remember those guys those cajun dudes we were fishing at night and they'd be flashing the light on the water and be like right there right there right there right there and then you can let the thing go um yeah we caught some fish ate it was delicious and uh yeah he was like a um like a guy's guy. Definitely a guy's guy and really, you know, I think he has seven kids.

So he definitely had that fatherly vibe. Seven fucking kids? Yeah. Is it that many? He's got a lot of kids. Yeah, so he has like, yeah, he's a guy's guy. Outdoorsman, hunter, father. From the very beginning when I knew him, when I was close with him,

the kind of guy he was from the very beginning, always knew what he wanted to do, very convicted to what he wanted to do, period. It was, he was going to do it his way. And that is how he does what he does with passion. And I had just gotten a show in New York on CBS and we stayed friends for a while after the Groundlings. So he did the Untouchables.

And so he calls and says, I want to take you to the premiere. And he took his wife at the time, the mom of some of his kids, and my wife at the time, the mom of my kids, and he picked us up at our apartment in New York in a limo and he comes in to the premiere and he puts his arm around me and introduces me to De Palma and De Niro and here I am you know in 1987 on some CBS morning program and he's the star of like a definable movie not just for his career but period and he's such a loyal guy such a such a good i'll just never forget that kind of a guy's guy friendship loyal guy he's an interesting he's an interesting type of movie star because he isn't technically an action star. Like, when you think male movie stars, you think, like, Schwarzenegger and Stallone

and, like, those guys, like Bruce Willis. He's, like, an emotional, but not a rom-com. He's, like, an emotional movie, like, almost like a sports, without being, like, you know, a sports movie star. It's like the love of baseball. I mean, they kept telling him, don't make another baseball movie. And he's like, well, fuck that.

It's the script that matters. And it's a story. And then he's also a romance star because he's a good looking guy. So it's probably what Bill's going to go through. I think after this Pete Davidson movie, He's going to get a lot of... Bill, you would be an amazing action star. Yeah, Bill, what's your white whale? What's your movie you want to do?

Is it action? Is it straight comedy? Meaning slapstick comedy like Tommy Boy? If the studio said you could make any movie you want, you're Bill Burr, we're going to put $100 million behind it. What's the movie you make? Oh, my. I don't know. Bob movie you want. You're Bill Burr. We're going to put $100 million behind it. What's the movie you make?

Oh, my. I don't know. Well, the one I just wrote. I'll get ready your next. The one I just wrote with Ben Tischler. No, I kind of like doing comedies, and I like doing dramas. So, like, anytime there's a movie that has both, which is why our TV show, it's why I love Breaking Bad.

Breaking Bad and Goodfellas were like two of the great dark comedies I think that ever happened. So recently the movie that I saw in the last couple of years that I absolutely fucking loved that had comedy and drama in it was The Nice Guys. I don't know if you guys saw that. That had Ryan Gosling and... Oh, my God.

I was on the treadmill the other day. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. The scene where Ryan Gosling... By the way, I'm on the treadmill and I see nice guys. And I'm like, what the fuck is this? I don't know anything about it. Turn on Ryan Gosling punches.

Through the window. It's at the very beginning. He's like oh god oh god I was crying laughing I ended up recording the movie and I'm like this movie is it had me and then Russell Crowe the next one I fucked your father within two minutes I haven't seen the whole thing though both of their performances in that movie, and then the guy who plays the bad guy who gets the blue paint. I don't want to ruin it for people. You have to see that movie. And then the stuff that Ryan Gosling does,

he's such a student of comedy. Yeah. 100%. He does a nod to like Abbott and Costello routine where he can't talk and he's doing this thing. The physical comedy that he does. He knows everything about comedy. And then the way he can throw away a line or like I just was blown away. And then Russell Crowe is just so like he like talk about a guy's guy.

That's one of my favorite performances Russell Crowe's ever done. And I loved his leather jacket too was the shit so those like if i could be in fucking movies like that that have like that are funny as hell but there's also like you know there was the stakes are really high there was a lot of drama like those are the perfect perfect movies you'll do it you'll do it all right bob here's your question if if they said they could you get to remake one movie they're like we want to do a remake any remake we want you to star in it what movie do you want to remake is this i i have a complex that i want to help everybody oh that was such a great answer i thought you were going to say cruising that alpacino oh yeah yeah yeah but i'm fists scare me in all what forms, no matter how they are, whatever position they're in.

The crying game. Oh, that'd be so cool. I want to be revealed. Yeah, kiss of the spider woman. That's what I want to do. Maybe deliverance, but you run it backwards. Deliverance. Just one scene.

Just the one scene. Teeth come out and you hear that sound. I don't know about remakes. I mean, I have a Jimmy Stewart complex, you know, but all the great stuff he did, that would be Tom Hanks. But he's going to Jimmy Stewart after talking about sucking some redneck's dick in the fucking woods. I didn't say that.

I didn't say those words. All right, the sound effects of it. Sorry, I was basically. I made a say that. I didn't say those words. All right. The sound effects of it. Sorry. I was basically. I made a sound effect. It could be applied to anything. Maybe the guy stepped in something. Jesus,

you're going to be a future fucking Supreme court justice. You just sidestepped all your past, didn't you? I think you should do like a, like a more evolved 48 hours type of thing and just blow the screen up like Eddie did with, with some actor that you just think is screen up like Eddie did with some actor that you just think is the shit.

You know, some great actor. I would be the Nick Nolte, I think. Yeah, Bill's Nick Nolte. But what if he's not? You guys should do it together. And you should try it out at the drive-in. Yeah. Workshop it.

I would like any movie that you do where your character gets a cool old car fletch i'm in i'm in on that i would i would love to remake fletch like fletch is one of my favorite movies ever but that it stinks that that chevy chase isn't a nice person that everyone hates him well not i directed him in dirty work uh so he was really easy to work with and we only had him for a week but we also had chris farley for a week and that that's that was the sweetest of all people um but chevy was nice until i showed him a clip until i showed him a screening in new y York of the film and it left out one bit that he did. He was not happy about that, but I didn't have any trouble with him, but I've heard

that also. Yeah. Wait, I want to talk about Norm, uh, Bob, cause I know, I know that you love Norm and I fucking love Norm. I think Norm's maybe one of the, an American treasure. He is one of the funniest people alive, I think. Ever. Ever. Yeah. one of the an american treasure he is one of the funniest people alive i think ever yeah and uh we are talking about possibly trying to do a sequel and we've got some permission of the big

cheeses but we're not there yet but we you'd both have to be in it if we do it so that's all there is to it because uh because funniest people we need to norm norm is regarded by most funny people to be one of the funnier people alive um and we've had some real interesting shit happen together it's uh i mean i made dirty work so that's a year with norm mcdonald yeah and it's like we had entertainment tonight was there while i was directing it and it for the cameras, he goes, I'm whispering in his ears some stuff, giving him some notes. He goes, why am I listening to the dad from Full House? Why am I taking direction from the video guy? He just states the obvious as loud as he can.

And he also knows the secret of quiet when you get real quiet, how you draw people in. And then he just his construction of things is amazing. He had the best opening joke I thought when he hosted SNL after he'd gotten fired and then

they ended up bringing him back. He goes, yeah, so I got fired from this show for uh not being funny enough so now i'm hosting it so evidently either i got a lot funnier or uh this show sucks that's how he opened at my roast uh he he says sagat i can't i can't roast you. You're my friend. That's a real good impression, isn't it? It's me with a slight less

base. And I go, Norm, just do it and curse a little bit. I don't want to curse. I'm going to read jokes from a 40s joke book. Norm, I don't know. So he sits there, and while everyone else is roasting me

he's reading the sports section that's what he did you know his little Andy Kaufman weird off the rails kind of thing and then he gets up there and he does like a 15 minute set it gets cut down to about I don't know seven or eight or nine minutes where it's really amazing but there was silence in the room because he just like johnny carson was just reading cards of these old jokes and then one point he went you got a face like a flower a cauliflower no laugh he goes i'm saying you got a fucking dog face okay and i'm going like yeah that and and he gets a huge laugh and then he started to curse a little bit and then he got emotional because we're friends and he started saying i love you i don't like to make fun of my friends and i just think the worldy and then we

man hugged and made love i saw that i saw that uh that roast me and derosa loved it thanks rosa called me up. He goes, you got to see Norm MacDonald. He's just doing jokes from like 60 years ago and stays committed to it. That's the brilliance of him. His last special on Netflix was amazing. And he wrote a book that's amazing. I mean, he's very prolific.

One of the funny people. He's always about the joke. Like everything is about like that's why i love comics where you it almost seems like he's never turning it off like it's always there's always a joke he uh we were gonna do when my special came out hey big boy streaming right now on netflix when my special came out i was gonna do a uh i was gonna be your belches i was gonna do a call and stick to work show at the store and norm and spade we're gonna bill was gonna do it everyone was gonna do it norm and spade we're gonna come by and then obviously you know the pandemic hit and uh and we and so the the day my special dropped it's's stay-at-home orders. No one's leaving. So the morning of St. Paddy's Day, which is everyone stay at home,

and that's the day we're going to do the call and stick to work tour show, I get a text from Norm or a DM from Norm. Hey, is that show still on today? He ended up doing a set at the end. Smiling to himself himself you know like last night i watched that documentary it's on hulu that's about the dana carvey show you guys watch that no i have to because i kind of it's fucking unbelievable the level of guys that were writing and acting on that show.

Yeah. And the sketches that they did. And then the first sketch that they did to kick the show off, it was just like Chappelle's show where it was like, this is our mission statement and we're not backing down. It was one of the, it was such an inspirational thing to watch. Was that the one with nipples? Where you had all the nipples?

Yeah, where Bill Clinton had the nipples and was breastfeeding, then had a duck's ass, and it just kept going and going and going. And he was breastfeeding. They had real milk coming out of it, and the puppies were licking it. This was on primetime right after Tim Allen's show. It was on ABC. Yeah, I remember. There was a moment where they were going to do it on HBO, I remember. Yeah, and they just,

there was a moment where they were gonna do it on HBO and they're like, no, no, no, no. You wanna be, because he was so big. They put him in that place and just watching

the balls that Dana Carvey had and just, just that old school fucking, fuck you, this is funny.

And this is what we want to do. And Smigel and Louis CK and all of these guys that were on it, Steve Carell, Stephen Colbert. It's just, um, dude, I mean,

it was like they had the Mount Rushmore of fucking comedy writers and performers and 90% of America, myself included. I don't know where the fuck I was. Missed it. It only got like eight episodes. I think six. And he's one of the most talented.

At this moment, he should just be celebrated. I'm looking forward to him doing something really that shows he's so, he's an anomaly. So fucking funny. nothing really that shows he's so he's an anomaly you know he's so fucking like it all worked out because because cuz that show didn't like like do what they thought it was gonna do he got to see his kids growing up because that is the trade-off that people don't seem to see but it's true yeah i know i know but i get bummed when you hear stories like i this sounds silly but i'm sure sure someone can understand it but like when you hear stuff like rick moran has lost

his wife and then he raised his kids you go that's great and then you go but i also loved him in movies you know like i want to i still want to see him work i want to see it work i don't want to see i don't want to like lose the artist. I still, you know what I mean? I was directing something a couple of years ago and I made an offer to Rick. And I heard back from his attorney and really polite.

And it was verbatim. He read what Rick wrote to me that he just doesn't want to do it anymore. But he is, he was so honored, and he said he loved my work, and he wanted to, it was a nice get out of, you know, not do this thing. But it just, it meant a lot to me because he's another one person

that's just so fucking funny. Just presence. What was that first movie he did, the Canadian one when they were playing hockey? Strange Brew with Dave Thomas. So fucking funny. Just fucking presence. What was that first movie he did? The Canadian one when they were playing hot. Strange Brew with Dave Thomas. I love that movie. He was in the crease.

He was in the crease when those guys slammed into him. And those were SCTV characters. That was a sketch on SCTV. He and Dave Thomas. He's in Little Shop of Horrors. He's like, you can't picture anyone. And it's a musical, right? So some people just get turned off to it right away.

But he just pulls you in. Besides, it's a great musical. If you like him, some people don't. But he's so lovable. And in Ghostbusters, he's just so lovable and so funny. It's just, and so I feel what you say, Bert. I mean, it's selfish to love someone's work so much and go, I know you've had a hard time, but please don't stop.

You know, please, because you – funny people are so – But he didn't stop. He kept – Dana Carvey kept doing stand-up. Oh, yeah. I was talking about Rick Moranis. I was talking about Rick. Yeah, Dana's out there, and Dana's doing it. But he's a real wonderful guy.

He did that movie with Danny Glover. What was the movie he did with Danny Glover where he – it's the silliest movie. That's Martin Short. It's pure luck. Oh, never mind. Martin Short. Martin Short. I can't luck. Oh, never mind. Martin Short? I can't talk.

What did he get Andrew for? He fucking gave him... You know, for a guy sitting in Malibu with a fucking little sun hat on, you're pretty prickly. Hey, give him a break. Fuck his kids. He should have kept doing stand-up. I need more

content. I need more content. I need more content. I know you lost your wife, but please make me happy. Yeah. He goes, what was the name of that movie? And he just tells you, and you're like, oh, well, there you go. Well, look what Martin Short's been through, and he's one of the funniest people alive, and he hasn't stopped.

He's not going to stop. I didn't know he had been through something. I don't want to hear it, though. I don't want to hear the tragedy. It's the same as Rick Moranis. Oh, brother. You know what you got to say about those guys? How cool – I don't know.

I've had two beers. I shouldn't say a fucking thing. Say it. No, say it, Bert. You seem like you had an interesting thought there. Yeah, Bill seems real interested. Like, you know what good guys they are when they lose their wives and then they go, you know, I'm going to stop working.

I'm going to raise my family. I'm going to settle down. Like, if I lost my wife, I'd be like, okay, we're moving to Austin. I'm getting a new wife. She's going to be younger, hotter, faster, quicker. She's not going to think much. But, like, I'd just be like, I'll be on the road nonstop. The girls are going to boarding school. I gonna fucking party my dick off like those those guys

do that and then you're like what what great guys they are or i would recommend your wife not watch this episode i can't wait till i lose my wife and i get to party go to austin'm going to be so hammered and so many cheers. That was a laugh I've never heard from Bert. He was like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. We, one time,

we were out on a date and we were talking about what we would do if the other person died today. Like, what would you do? She was like, I'd want you to start over. I'd want you to keep living your life. I go, oh, I will, I will, I will. She was like i'd want you to i'd want you to start over i'd want you to keep living your

life i go oh i will i will i will she was like wait what about me you want me to keep living my life i went no not at all like i want i want like it's different i'm bigger like i want you to really like hold down the vigil for a few years you know like 10 years and then you know keep the memory of me alive keep the memory of me alive keep the memory of me alive like yeah don't have happiness yourself yeah make a documentary about me make a documentary about me hey go back to the dana carvey documentary that you saw on hulu what what what's interesting about it do they show the making of is there behind the scenes footage they got all of that stuff.

And then they have stuff that didn't air. And then they have all the cast members talking about it. And they, they had like one of the, it was great too. They had one of the network executives that was like, what the fuck you guys doing? And he was explaining his position,

which was really great. And just the overall like just the amount of talent that was in that room that it didn't connect and that they didn't stop doing what they were doing and they went out on their own terms and whatever you see it reminds me of like when stevie ray vaugh and Double Trouble did the Monterey Jazz Festival and they got booed. And Stevie, you could see it was affecting him. But every song when he went to play, he was just tearing into everything. And they just still did their shit.

There's something about that. It's more inspiring than watching great people do something that the general public likes. To watch somebody doing, when you're doing something that is actually good and nobody's getting it, and you still stay on that track, and you're gonna fucking, the momentum that Dana Carvey had then,

where there was talks of him taking over, I guess, Letterman's spot after he went over to CBS. Like he was, they were trying to groom this guy like he was this company man. And he was just like, no, all right, I'll do a fucking sketch show. And just because it's on ABC and it's on at 930, I'm going to do exactly what I want to do. And it was it was just a smigle was it blew me away the whole thing was just incredible i don't want to ruin it just just check it out if you get a chance smigel's brilliant yeah that definitely comes across and you could see it really uh it still hurt him it seemed that

he felt that he let dana down is how we took it. Dana's like, no, it's fine. You know, we did what we wanted to do. It's impossible not to love Dana Carvey. It's actually impossible. And if you hang out with him, it's just, we won't talk for a while, but we've known each other since before we got a job. I auditioned for SNL.

He auditioned, he got it. I didn't. I thought I'd never work again. I didn't. But we would go to dinner. We were, like, 24, 25, and we would go with our wives, and we would say, why aren't we making it?

We both did music in our acts, and he did impressions, and I did my weird whatever the fuck I did. And we would say, we're both so talented what the hell's going on and and we would commiserate but he what's beautiful about him is all the shit that he's gone through in his life he's just a very positive person he's so we'll talk every once in a while for a couple hours like a year or two will go by and then it'll be a okay call me back and it's like this is what it's turned into for you know to catch up with your friends it's a podcast you know you don't go

hey let's have a drink and we'll facetime that's not that often but with with carby it's like a three-hour phone call and i i it's always special and uh he just – I just love him. I love it. I feel like he doesn't get the respect that he should get. Like our kids know – like my kids will know certain guys from SNL, like, you know, the Will Ferrells and whatnot. But, man, that guy was funny as fucking shit. Like he should go down as one of the greats.

Well, he will. He will. It's not done. You know's he's about my age um a little younger i think i'm 64 how the fuck wait you guys are 64 and your careers are taken off and you left your wives and all kinds of fun shit happens it's gonna be great but and then bill will have his action movie with serious drama in it and not care about his kids anymore you're 64 you look fucking great yeah that's because i i wear a vice i wear a clamp on my dick like you would i just it holds in all my youth you know what you would like jump start yeah i'm going to continue you know jumper cables, that thing? I always have that on my

dick. So when you see me on stage, look, you'll see the indentation. And then a wire coming out of the bottom of my pants leg hooked up to a battery. You guys still on? But Rodney was 58 when he got in Caddyshack. I love those stories. Gene Hackman was like 54 before he got in Caddyshack. I love those stories.

He didn't have a movie. Gene Hackman was like 54 before he got his first movie. That's the real deal. And Brian Dennehy, who we just lost, he was acting, but he wasn't like the third lead in everything. Then 15 years, he was in everything. And I talked to somebody years ago when he was at his peak, and somebody, God damn it, he was in everything. And I talked to somebody years ago when he was at his peak. And somebody, God damn it, he's in everything. I went, well, he didn't get a part until he was in his 50s,

you know, until things started to open for him. I also think as far as guys like Dana Carvey, because I just feel like guys that have his level of talent don't need to campaign nor give a shit about that pecking order stuff. I mean, everybody, you know, wants to be respected or whatever, but I, and I, and I also feel that like people that are, are good, but sort of okay. good, just campaign for the shit. They're on the red carpet. They're tweeting. They're just really,

and then they sort of become, when they talk about the whole, the, the whole whatever, the, the pecking order, they move up all of these slots in like the draft. And then he's like this Tom Brady guy guy that goes then goes goes drops down i just i've always found that uh this is weird thing that people that who are really at his level of talent don't give a shit about uh that play in that whole game to be what they're doing the top whatever list of blah blah blah uh right do you want to do the interview for that? Like, the really go and say, I feel like they just,

nah, I don't give a shit about that. And then the fucking, you know, I don't want to say hacks, but the okay comics or whatever sort of. The people that learn how to work the stage and they walk around it and mark it like a lion because they've watched you do it, because they've watched, you know, Pryor, Carlin, everybody, Chappelle, Rock.

You know, start moving. Don't just stand there. I mean, Chris Rock made it, used to stand at the mic. When I used to bring him up on stage at the Comedy Store, he was, the throttle wasn't open yet. You know, he'd talk quieter, and Eddie would bring him in. And once... When are you writing the book? You're like the Forrest Gump.

Like, every fucking major comic of the last 40 years, you're like, Hey, you know, I introduced him to Mitzi. I met him at a movie. No, but I was suffering. I didn't have a job. I was eight years at the comedy store hosting. This isn't about you, Bob. This isn't about you. You're doing that again.

You're incorrect, Bill. isn't about you. This isn't about you. You're doing that again. You're incorrect, Bill. It is about me. But you were great as the lawyer in Black or White. You really were. And I don't think you're getting the credit

and you're good as Pete Davidson's dad. We're actually a same-sex couple if you take the time to watch the movie. Are you Siamese twins? That would be hot.

Yeah, that are into each other in an incestuous kind of way because we, you know, stuff happened to us. You've got to be connected. And it's weird because we both were there when it happened, but we've still never talked about it. And you're connected so that you're facing in different directions so yes the reveal is they see each other for the first time when they are separated and they're not attracted to each other yes oh that'd be like how you presented that burt like yes i've seen this storyline a thousand times well what's good about it burt is you're giving Bill what he wants, because there's the drama and the comedy.

My daughter just brought me a beer. That's a good tip. Raised right. Raised right. Thank you, Isla. Or, that's the game of the family. Let's, you know, let's let Dad get him drunk, have him pass out, so then we can all fucking chill out and enjoy our day.

Oh, man. pass out so then we can all fucking chill out and enjoy our day oh man all right that's those are the three exhales and the old man's that means this podcast has reached its ending i don't know burt's going on his third beer all right well that concludes the podcast uh bob i want to tell you it's been so much fun to finally see the inside of your house which used to be the nickname for your asshole which you showed me when I first started comedy and it used to be a full house you overpaid me always will overpay you Bill

you can't be overpaid now because you're such high rent you get a big check Bill you sell out places in foreign lands yep and it goes right to the wife whatever doesn't go to the government goes to the wife well if the wife's gonna get it nia deserves it she's the best i hate yeah you had a fun time hanging out with her at your wedding no but kelly and i just love her and we'd like to get together with you guys once all this insanity

stops it'd be really nice one day. You know what? And I'll conveniently throw my back out. All right? All right. And then you can just have a dinner with her because I know that's what you want. If your back is out, I'm coming to your house. I just want it to be you and me because you're incapacitated and that's how I want you.

And then Cruisin' comes back. That's the movie I'm remaking with you. You just play a test dummy in it. Bob Saget, everybody. Robert. Lots of love, Bert. I'm going to be on an episode of it. It's called The Bob Saget.

In your face, man. He ain't taking no shit because he's telling it like it is. That's the name of it. It's called Bob Saget moving on up to the east side. No, it's Bob Saget's here for you. And I want you on it, Bert.

I'd love to. I'd love to, Bob. Thank you. I'd love to. I want you drunk. I want your kid getting you all liquored up. Well, we're working on that today. And Bill, you stopped smoking cigars?

You're not smoking them no more? I smoke one every couple of months. Okay, well. I can't give everything up, but when it's like a special occasion, I can do it. How about when you throw your back out and I'm over your place,

can we smoke afterward? Smoke out of Rodney's pipe. Yeah, we'll smoke out of Rodney's pipe. Let's do that. I think that's a yes. That's 100%. So I love you guys. You guys are so...

I'm really honored and happy I was on with you guys today. It was a really nice way to spend my afternoon for real. I don't think there was an ounce of sincerity in that. This has been... What the... No one fuck you, Bill. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for listening to the Bill. Pod.

Cast. All right. Robert, I love you, brother. I'll see you. That was great, guys. Thank you. I love you, too. And Bert, five grand's in the mail.

Thanks. Thank you.