The Bill Bert Podcast - The Bill Bert Podcast | Episode 52

Episode Date: March 24, 2021

Bill and Bert ramble about Townies, Breaking Bad, and Jane's Addiction.   produced by Andrew Themeles and  @All Things Comedy 

All right. Hey, hello, everybody. How's it going? And welcome to another wonderful episode of the Bill Pert Podcast. What's going on, Bert? I've been wondering, Bill, with your growing acting resume, I want to talk about the first few things you did where you were nervous and or fucked up and got like, I'm curious about the first because you you seem to me as someone very comfortable in the acting space. And I know that like your growth and where you've gone to, you often play like the brother at dinner and then you did the breaking bad shit. And now you're in the Mandalorian and all these things are going on. I want to know about the very early stuff, because i remember the first thing you ever booked was a sitcom with molly ringwald right way back in the day yeah were you comfortable acting in that no no i replaced a

guy that got fired so i was like wow you can fired. And I saw people get replaced through the sitcom world as much as it's all just like, oh, dookie dookie, you know, these cornball jokes and shit. It's still cutthroat and it's about money. So if you're if the you do like run throughs and shit, and if the industry wasn't feeling you or the producers, you just were fucking gone it wasn't like you you i mean you came in monday did a table read and they shot it friday you don't have time to find and then and then if you come in as a replacement now it's fucking wednesday yeah you got today tomorrow we're blocking friday we're shooting so so that was your your on townies you you showed up late no I replaced a guy uh that was in the pilot I replaced the guy that was and there was no rhyme or reason for it I don't even know why they did it, but they did. And I remember there was like, they spent all this money on a big wedding scene. So they were green screening me into it

and had me stand exactly where he was standing. And like, somebody came up to me and said, just do yourself a favor. Do not look at the monitor. Because if I looked at the monitor, I would see the actor I was replacing. Oh my God. So of course I looked

and it was like, I felt like I was a body snatcher. So the entire time, I was never comfortable. My favorite thing on that show was when they didn't write for me like i remember because they didn't know who was going to play my character on the first episode i had like four lines in the cold open and then I was done. It was my favorite, my favorite episode of like the eight or nine that we did before we got canceled because, um, where I was, who I was and how I felt about myself was I didn't even want,

like I wanted the gig and I was excited that I was there, but my self-esteem and what I felt about myself, I mean, you know, you'll see it, you'll see it at my early standup, my early acting and all that, you know, you see like a nervousness and me like jumping around and wanting to get the fuck out of that. Cause I fucking hated myself. And, and like, it was like, it was weird. It it was like the reason why i was doing this was because i hated myself like hey look at me i'm a good guy right please laugh and applaud so i i feel better about myself so there was that um you know and then i got that gig really early on. And some people talk shit about,

it was all these made up things about how I got it. I got it through auditioning, but it was just like, no, he was doing standup in a place in Boston and the creators were in the crowd. And there's fucking some Chinese restaurant in Worcester, right? These Hollywood people were there, right?

And they just, they saw him on stage. They were like, yeah, that's the guy. And he didn't even have to audition because that's what they wanted to be true. Because if I actually auditioned and went to network and did all of that, which I did. And I mean, you want to talk about nerve wracking. I think about that every time I go through the Coanga Pass. And is that that what is that that Sheridan uh universal sheridan i lived there for seven months i stayed there waiting to test for the going to network dude i was literally living at home with my parents at 27 like a fucking loser in the summer of 95, in a year from then, I was on a sitcom with Molly Ringwald. And I had moved to New York in September.

Dude, it just fucking, and like I was just dealing with being in New York. And fuck, do I need to get a day job? I was just dealing with that. And then all of a sudden, you just got this, right as I was getting in New York, just getting comfortable. Then just you know and then if i was like a dane cook or a kevin hart type of personality and and and had that poise right out of the gate yeah like i dude i i could have fucking made it in like three and a half years but i fucking negativity and doubt and all of that i mean i can't say that i would have made it that quick but like i could have been able to sustain it

and i know exactly what you're saying i look at i'll i'll use kevin kevin and dane are both friends or guys i like or and so i can use that as an example i look at kevin and i remember running into kevin in holly Hollywood a few times when he, you know, he'd done the, um, knocked up and not knocked up us 40 year old virgin. Yeah. And he was,

he stole the scene. He stole that scene. And yeah, he was great in that. He was so great in that and fucking hilarious. And then it was almost like he showed up in Hollywood belonging, you know, going like,

I'm ready. Like I'm, yeah, I was just going to know, going like, I'm ready. Like I'm, I'm yeah. I was just going to say some people just show up ready. I showed up. I showed up at 26 in Hollywood, staying at that universal Sheridan and I never felt ready. I never felt like I belonged. I never felt like I even testing.

I never went in confident. I was nervous as fucking shit. Like never felt like I, even testing, I never went in confident. I was nervous as fucking shit. Like sick to my stomach, ass cheeks sweating. And I was like, and then there's some people that just, and Kevin wasn't like a trained actor. He was just funny as fuck. I remember I used to sit there when I would, when I would, when I would test for something and go to network back in the day, my big thing, I'd be like, okay, the audition is at 1.

Okay? You know, at 2 o'clock, it's going to be over. And I can go to some bar and just do stand-up. And I can relax. And just, this is where I want to be. And it was weird where you know a lot of that was low self-esteem but also it was another thing too like like you're not supposed to be doing this because I never felt you know and I stayed after that we got canceled I stayed

in LA for like another two and a half years as I as this voice I was ignoring was pulling me back to New York when you got unfinished business back there, you wanted to become a good comedian. You're not a good comedian and you're, and you're not getting on stage out here. Cause I went out there and it was like, um,

the improv had a sandwich named after me. Cause they were like, who's this young kid who just got on a sitcom. So they, they had like the Billy Burr. Oh wow. And I, dude, like who's this young kid who just got on a sitcom so they they had like the billy burn and i dude i was fucking mortified i was mortified i was like oh my god because i knew my place and i knew how funny i was and i knew all these other guys men and women were funnier than me and i'm like oh my god they're all gonna hate me I got this way too quick I just I couldn't

handle it dude I really couldn't handle it and then it got canceled and then everybody was looking at me and then I became the guy who used to be on a sitcom and then I got into that like oh I need to get on another sitcom so people will like me again I just I was dude I was outside myself do you like this shirt is this the one that makes you smile I'll wear this every day it was a so people will like me again. I just, I was, dude, I was outside myself. Do you like this shirt? Is this the one that makes you smile? I'll wear this every day. It was a horrible fucking torturous time for me.

And then finally, I just said, fuck it. In 99, after spending three, three and a half years, three years out there. And I was just like, I don't want to fucking do this. I don't want to be in a sitcom. I want to be a comedian that goes on stage and says whatever the fuck he wants to say. I need to go figure that out. I want to go back.

I want to do the Uptown Rooms. I want to learn how to do those. I want my shit is built in fucking sand. I stink. I want it to be built in. I want it. I want to take every fucking step. Built in sand is a great.

Yeah. Why is it then, do you think? And I want to keep talking about this. What is it about? Let's use Kevin Hart as an example again. What is it? Do you think that's just his person? Why was he so ready? When all of us theoretically...

He was blessed. Dude, those people, they don't come around. And the thing is, when you're younger, the thing is when you're... I didn't have this with Kevin because Kevin came after me. I love this. There's something about Kevin.

I just loved him. Everyone loved him. The first time I saw him at Boston Comedy Club, it's like you fall fall in love with the guy he's like the sweetest guy in the world there wasn't a negative side in my opinion I'll just speak he wasn't this pussy hound he was hanging out with the comics guy so he wasn't like disappearing and chasing tail he'd hang out with the comics fucking cool shit wait it's not a fucking asshole yeah and worked and worked his ass off but like those guys watching them like you know it's all where your mindset was you could be inspired by them or you could end up like you could be so hating yourself that you resented them

like i didn't have that with kevin but like me and Dane started off at the same time. And it was just it was impossible not to compare. And you know that. Who has that? What's that quote? Comparison is the death of joy. Yeah. Yeah.

I forget who came up with that. So that that's like what, you know, my generation was all doing with each other. I mean, it wasn't just specifically dane or something like that but when dane was like skyrocketing up not not not when he did the superfinger shit i was settled into who i was then more like in the 90s like when when he would get like uh you know like an mtv showcase get a deal with something or whatever. You know, I was always happy for him, but I always had this feeling of like, I started when he started.

He is here and I am here. Therefore, I am a failure. So I couldn't enjoy watching what he did. Dude, that guy came down to fucking New York and got passed at every club in one night. I've never seen anybody do that he went in and just fucking leveled and that shit we were just talking to DC Benny about how Steinberg and Frosty used to try to bury you I remember one of them going I we couldn't bury Dane no matter who we

put him on after we could not bury this guy and he would fucking and I remember being on the subway talking to him going dude do you realize what you just did you just in one night passed like 10,000 fucking comedians and he was and he's just like hey you know you come down you're just positive and I would just be like listening to him. I was like, is that how you do it? Come down, motherfucker. Because I was just like, yeah, I fucking hate myself. And I can't stop. I just had you suck, you suck, you suck playing. Which looking back, it's so fucking funny.

It's like, how was I supposed to get anywhere? You know? And I had that in my head. I think I got townies because i didn't want it it was too big and i was so i just went in there like i don't want to get this i just came hey how's it going i like this guy he's got this relaxed confidence where everybody else i remember uh i remember when we were testing this is how competitive the was back then i'm sure it still is but when we were testing one of the guys who showed up to network brought a basketball

like a prop exactly exactly and i was like all right he ain't getting it which is stupid because i was in the i was in the the the comedian mindset of if you bring a prop you're a fucking hack and i was just like judging this guy and um it's funny i still remember that the first time you go to network, I still remember it, and one of the people I read with was Moon Zappa, and she was fucking unbelievable, I read with her and Laura Graham, Lauren Graham, and Lauren got it, she, you know, Lauren obviously, obviously, everything she's done was fucking unbelievable, but Moon Zappa, I became this huge fan of, and she used to be, she used to do, oh my god be she used to do oh my god she used to do stand up down at like uh was it luna lounge remember the one across some cantors yeah that's luna oh dude i she was one of my favorites to watch one of my favorites like truly you had no idea what the

she was gonna say i remember doing some bit about like scientology when when remember when scientology was just like don't don't fucking yeah oh dude it was just like and to watch her do it in that room which was sort of the pre-woke uh hollywood yeah yeah so um i remember i remember talking to Louis C.K. He had a pilot called St. Louis. And I remember we, I auditioned for it. And I knew he was doing well, like doing successful. And we worked together at West Palm, Fort Lauderdale maybe. And Joel was like in the green room. Hey, Louis, is it cool ifke gets a ride to the airport with

you in your car and you can see lou is like yeah i'm fine yeah so we get in the car and louie's got i apologize if these are misfacts in like louie's like i've never worn those then whatever but this is my my recollection he gets in and he opens his computer it's a 45 minute drive opens his computer he puts on seasickness bands on his wrists and he starts working and you know me i brought like a tall boy with me i'm not gonna i'm gonna have a beer for the ride he's driving and typing no no no we're in the it's a limo it's a like a car service and so i said uh i said hey uh louis um so i started like grilling him about comedy and he does not want to talk he was like he's trying to work but i'm i have a tall boy i'm i'm not we're talking so crushing need to be liked yep and he's being quiet and that just gets you all

in your fucking head that's hilarious i said hey said, hey, what's one thing like you could give me advice for auditioning? And he goes, okay. And he shuts his computer and he goes, just go in and read the lines. Just go in and read the lines. You've got a busy fucking day. A lot of people come in and they have their bag on and a cup of coffee and they put their bag down and they put their coffee down and then they open their bag and they pull out their sides and then they start doing a little

small talk and they're trying to get everyone in the room to like them and then they go okay so let's do the sides and they give you just don't do that leave your coffee leave your bag in the lobby be off book sit down do the audition don't say a word and walk the fuck out it's just a part and i said that's so funny louis when i auditioned for saint louis i feel like i did he goes you did like what because you brought in a coffee and you brought in a bag and you made a bunch of small talk and he goes and quite honestly i just thought it was getting in your way and i i you know i'm glad we're talking about this but you did all of those things and i went thank you and i just sipped on a fucking cold beer i'll go back to my beer now yeah it's funny if i was shooting that you would then slowly turn to the window and a

tear would come down your eye on the side he can't see oh oh you know what uh what changed over the years with acting was uh i kind of fell in love with it the way i did with stand-up and it's just like i want to get good at this i want to respect it the way i respect because i feel like a lot of people don't respect don't respect it and it was just like I and then what I did I just used the same games that I created to get me out of my to get me out of the way of myself so I could just do what I do I just did that with um with acting and I'm still doing that it's just like hey is an idea I have but I am afraid to do this because there's a camera crew here and there's all these people and this is this actors way more famous than I am and then it's just like

well that's why you should do it then you know and it's I just started doing that the same way where there was a room I was afraid to do or a crowd. And I always say in my head, what's going to feel worse? Going up and doing that show in that room and bombing or waking up tomorrow morning, knowing that you chickened out and didn't do it and was obviously going up and just taking your fucking lump so i just sort of applied it um it's really acting stuff and then i just you know i had like this sort of work ethic thing where it's like i'm gonna show up on set prepared ready to go and if something slows this thing down

today it's not gonna be because of me that That's number one. I'm fucking going to be here before you like, Hey, five minutes, Bill. I just start walking down, get mic'd up. Let's fucking go. Let's get out of here.

Let's fucking get this thing done. And you know, and then that dude, that's the type of shit more so than you delivering the lines. I think gets you more work. How was it? Dude, never had to chase him.

Never had to find him. He was there. He knew his fucking lines. He joked around. He didn't, but he wasn't an asshole. Like, that'll get you more work. What was the acting role? Or not role, but like, I'm trying to do the trajectory of your career where-

Breaking Bad. Vince Gilligan giving me a shot to play an asshole rather than just a goofy redheaded guy which was really all that was available for me like I used to go into auditions and there was an unwritten rule that if you're a redheaded guy like they had what you were going to play it was going to be some sort of Ron Howard shit like I was always going to be Richie and guys with your color hair were going to be Fonzie. You're going to be the cool guy. You're getting the gun. You're getting the girl.

And I'm going to be like, boy, oh boy, how'd you do that, right? You did that well though, Bill. You did that really well. I mean, you know, it's a lot of who I was, you know? So it just so happened that I saw the billboards for Breaking Bad. I needed a new show to watch. It just looked interesting. That first billboard, was it the classic one with the green shirt with one thing tucked into the tighty whitey? I didn't know there was something,

it was just something I was like, that looks interesting. I'm going to watch it. And I immediately, I watched the pilot. I was like, I interesting i'm gonna watch it and i immediately i watched the pilot i was like i fucking love this show this show is really dramatic and it's funny it's one of the great dark comedies i think of all time so i was part i immediately called my agent philip grenz at the time at william morris before it was wme i believe might've been WME at that point. Um, and I said, I want to do this show. So I think I was part of the first wave. Cause if I literally waited to the third episode,

I don't think I would've got on it. That's how many people immediately love that show. I think. Ooh, interesting. Yeah. So then they said, I've told this story a zillion times.

They sent me sides, put yourself on tape. And I think I read Badger's sides. One of Jesse's friends on there. So they just want to say like, okay. And they were like, yeah, he can act. And they said, okay, they put a pin in you. And I was like, what does that mean? does that mean it's like yeah they got you up on the board or some like you know they have your name they stick you know you know something comes up and it took another two seasons um another two seasons before i got the call and i still remember where i got the call where i was because i knew i knew it i was like this is a huge break and this is going to lead to other things I knew it I knew I it was it was just one of those the show was too fucking good and they were just doing such unbelievable work and to be to get on that show I I it was one of the you know one of the few times in my career that you get so much stuff, and it's just like, dude, I had no idea.

I just went in and I did it, and all of a sudden people, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like Chappelle's show was like that. I had no idea. You had no idea that it was going to be. Dude, that first season, people were fucking into it, but when that second season came out, dude, it was like being near the Beatles. Like how big that, dude, I was walking down the street. I hear people yelling out lines from the show.

I get like, I remember when I did Bonnaroo and the lights went down before a band went on. And this is right as the show was starting to take off. went on and this is right as the show was was starting to take off it was before the uh i think before the the i'm rich bitch six uh sketch came out yeah and i heard somebody yelled what and then somebody else on the other side went yeah and then somebody went okay and i was just like dude i felt like i was in the truman Like, how the fuck do these people know that here? Yeah. This is fucking crazy. But I remember when I, yeah, I still remember my apartment and hugging my wife in the hallway between our bedroom and our living room.

I was like, I got it. She gave me a big hug. It was weird. we like we like both for breaking bad for breaking bad yeah yeah i knew i knew i was like i was like all i need to do is just say what they wrote and hit these marks and they're gonna make me look like i know what i'm doing and that's exactly what they did did you Were you happy with your performance in Breaking Bad? Yeah. Really?

The first one was just a little car wash thing. The thing that put me over was when we went to Ted Beneke's house, and I finally got to play that guy. And it was such a fun scene because just his presence, how big he was okay and they wrote all this tough guy dialogue but it's like i don't need to be tough i got this guy with me so i could kind of deliver it with half a smile on my face like basically look we don't want to do this you know and it was so much more fun see the but that was sort of um the um the the that was when i was starting to get a little more seasoned as an actor

where before it's just like this is written angry so i'm gonna perform it angry like i wouldn't explore different ways of doing it yeah so like sort of doing that you know it's a i mean it's base basic level choice as an actor i think at this point where it's just like oh it's it's written this way i'm gonna go the opposite way you know and then there's a million like colors in the middle that like crazy it's like guitar with chords like what the fuck is that chord how do you do that that the phil the Philip Seymour Hoffman's hit those whole, like, how did that work itself out and then resolve?

I've never heard something go like that. Um, I can't do that shit. So that's what, you know, I just take baby steps. You know, I watch a lot of great actors and stuff and I just,

just try to baby step to be like, I can't do that, but how close can I get to it? So wait, then what, so what do you think has been your most challenging role that you've done where you're like, I don't know if this is in my wheelhouse. I'm gonna try. And then you did, I mean, I would say probably it's gotta be Pete's movie, right?

Yeah, playing something that had like a romantic storyline I never did you know having to kiss somebody to have a kiss scene and stuff like that yeah I never did that and I was like yeah I had to talk myself mentally off a ledge and I was just like Marissa Tomei is so fucking good as an actress. Yeah. Yeah. She's ridiculous. She's like, I mean,

man, she is phenomenal. I'm really starting to, I never really gave a fuck about acting. Like I just didn't, it didn't really speak to me. Like for me, it was like,

I think I was stuck in where you were in like 99, I guess, where you're like, I know what I came here for. It's this, you know, I want to be good at this stand-up was so it has been because because I got distracted with you know travel channel and hosting shows and that stuff early I think when I got back to stand up for the past I don't know

four six years whatever seven years that I've been really focused I just was like I don't want acting to be a distraction and now for the first time I'm like I'm like no I wonder like that is the real challenge is to to be funny on screen I mean like just even when I mean you think of like the it's bizarre that you can write a joke you can tell a joke you can put it on a special and people laugh but if I was said hey Bill write that in a scene and make sure it's funny in a scene so it is I feel like it's so much harder to write something on paper have people act it have it shot and have it be as funny as us telling it in stand-up you know yeah it's like it's a it's a, it's a, um, it's a different thing, but Chris rock was a big thing was bring the pain was a big thing for me to see that.

Cause, and that was part of my decision. You know, after that sitcom I was on and it went off the air and then I was like, oh, I need to get on another one. You know, when I finally made that decision to go back to New York I mean Chris's special had been out like three years probably at that I think it came out in 96 or 97 I came back in 99 but I remember going like all right here's a guy who off a stand-up special just blew by nine million actors and I remember all of a sudden I'm watching him

and he's second lead in a movie with Morgan Freeman. And I'm like, all right, if I think I'm going to sit out here and go head to head with every actor out here, I mean,

I don't know where I'm going to end up, but I know that I can become a really good comedian. And as long as I keep taking acting classes and just trying to get better with that shit, but my main focus is to stand up. When the acting stuff comes along, I'll be ready. But I could get big enough that they could want to build something around me. And then I'll be surrounded by all these actors that know what they're doing and i can do the seinfeld thing where he i remember one time he accepted an award an emmy it was so funny he said my name is jerry seinfeld and i am a bad actor but i'm smart enough

to surround myself with the he really you know he was being self-deprecating right yeah to say that he you know with all the people that that uh juliette and michael and um jason alexander all those guys people that they he surrounded himself with it's like you just get better it's like playing you know sports with somebody who's better than you you're just going to get better and and you know they're going to help you out. Well, my whole career, I think, I've just tried to be around people better than me. I don't think I've ever been better than anybody. Well, yeah.

Maybe it's just me. Maybe it's just me. Yeah, I did the same thing, but it wasn't on purpose. It was just by whatever gifts I was given. Yeah, I never felt like, as a comedian, I always felt I could hang. I knew I was funny. But there was always, and there still is, there's always somebody that's funnier.

There's always somebody who has a better joke. you know, there, there is like, there is a real, there's a piece and just like, just having a sense of humor about yourself and knowing, you know, you're not the best.

There's always somebody fucking better. And that your time is going to like, you're going to have your time and that's going to be somebody else's time. And then you get to be the older person in the scene who gives a shit. I was, I was just still working. You're getting away with with murder i was talking to someone the other day and they were like dude i'm i can't believe i'm talking to you you're like my favorite comic and i was like oh thanks and they're like you are the fucking greatest like and i said oh cool i said who else

do you like and they're like i don't really follow comedy it's just you i just found you and i really love you and i said do you have you ever heard of bill burr and he was like no is he a comic and i went oh great i'm about to not be your favorite comic soon you know what's a better one like when you go you're like one of my favorite comics and you'll be oh thanks a lot you and then so-and-so names a comic that absolutely sucks. And it's just like, ah. Thanks. That's fucking. What's the role you want to play? Like, what's the role you really want to play?

Like, you want to be an action hero? No, no, I don't necessarily have a role i just want to do quality shit my whole thing is like is whatever i get what what no like if whatever i'm doing if the people on the project are going for greatness might not make it as long as they're trying to make something great. I'm in. Yeah. Because I've been on shit where the people don't care. Not going to say what, but I did an acting gig one time, and the way they were shooting it,

the guy just picked the most cliched, had been a thousand oh we'll just do bing bang boom and i remember thinking like yeah that thing that we all saw that was played out fucking 20 years ago i'm thinking that in my head like and then there was that just that uh that feeling of like oh oh, this isn't going to be good. If the guy driving the sled, if that's the effort you're going to put into it, yeah. And it wasn't. It's funny.

I've heard people do that with specials where I hear someone's preparation for a special, and I go, ooh, that's not what I did. Like I go, I've, I've actually left my house for a month. I didn't come home for a month. I worked every single night and I did, did the road. And then when I came home, if I did come home, I was at the store doing four shows a night working on one bit. Like, and I remember hearing people going, yeah, you know, I did the road. I went out on the road for like a couple of weeks and I'm, I got my hour tight and you're like, Ooh. Okay. If that's what you say.

Yeah. It's your act. It's your act. That's what you're going to be. That's you forever. Fuck. All right, everybody. This podcast, uh, we got some advertising here. It's Duke cannon. Right after Matt Houston, Duke cannon. podcast uh we got some advertising here it's duke cannon right after matt houston duke cannon um if

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again but i love netflix but that's crazy. Now you can just cancel your subscription. I do all my specials there, but you know. Yeah, you could just cancel your subscription and protest, which I would not do, because you can also just be smart about it and make sure you get your full money's worth by using ExpressVPN like I do. See, you might not know this,

but what's on Netflix in your country is completely different than what's on Netflixflix and someone in the uk or japan using express vpn i can control which country i want netflix to think i'm in express vpn has over 90 countries to choose from so every time i run out of stuff to watch i just switch over to another country and unlock their new shows right now i'm watching doctor who people start writing in from around the world, dude, have them write it in and say what shows were missing. I'm curious of what's out there. It's there's a bunch of anime on Japan's Netflix. It's not in the U S Netflix.

It's just one tap of the button express VPN. Let's be changed by locations to watch it. And my daughters are happy. Here's the best part. It's not just for Netflix. You can use express VPN to unlock shows on other streaming services too. Like I used best part. It's not just for Netflix. You can use ExpressVPN to unlock shows on other streaming services too. Like I used to watch, I like to use it to watch BBC iPlayer. It's free and it's only available in the UK. ExpressVPN is also super fast and works on your

phone, laptop, even smart TVs. So you can watch your shows on the big screen with zero buffering. So be smart. Stop paying full price for streaming services and only getting access to a fraction of their content. Get your money's worth at ExpressVPN.com slash Bill Burt. Don't forget to use our link so you can get an extra three free months that's expressvpn.com slash bill burt e-x-p-r-e-s-s-v-p-n.com slash bill burt expressvpn.com slash bill burt to learn more like i have so much material right now for my next hour and i'm really not ready i'm really not ready like you'll get it up running i was i was getting you know right about now i would have shot another one uh but like you know i'm not gonna do one of these fucking covid ones that are like it's already enough people have done them yeah so it's been documented so i

look at it like it's not new because uh you know kevin did one nate did one and i thought they were great so it's just like all right i'm gonna so i'm just kevin's was a lot better than i expected it to be to be dead honest with you i was like i kind of thought how is he getting reps in you know like where is he rehearsing this like where is he running this hour and i thought it would be but it was not man it was a really like it makes you think like ah he might you know he might just be special like i know that's silly to say about one of the biggest movie stars of our generation that of course he is but you know he's also like one of us oh dude i saw him i saw him one night at down the comedy store in the the main room when he was going his first marriage was was on the rocks

and dude he went up there and he was just talking and it was just like it's just like oh wow this is like this is like what prior would do he was having a tough time in his life. He went up, he talked about his life, and he was not trying to be funny. It was the funniest, I think. It was a different kind of funny. It was just like, you know, I wasn't, it was weird. I wasn't necessarily watching somebody doing stand-up anymore. He had sort of transcended.

I think Chappelle, in a weird way, has transcended stand-up anymore. He had sort of transcended it. I think Chappelle in a weird way has transcended stand-up. I wonder if there's going to be people that follow his lead and do less like more of a long-form thing. I wonder if

there's going to be, if that's going to be a thing we see. It's like a, I would say Perry Farrell of Jane's Add addiction like the way he wrote lyrics where it's just like why does it have to rhyme yeah i'm i'm here to sing about what i want to sing about and i have something to say i felt like was his way of going into it and it it's, I saw it's brilliant. That's a brilliant, you've hit two fucking analogies out of the park today. My career was-

Hey, I'm having a good day. My career is built on sand and Perry Farrell. When you say Perry Farrell, the first thought I had was three days. Wait, you know that built in sand is an expression, right? I know, but I never heard it before. I never heard it before. I just want to make sure you- It made sense, yeah made sense yeah hey hey burt a stitch in time saves nine

i don't get it i think that means well i don't really so i don't so as i think if if if if you're you're taking me does that mean if you're taking your time oh god we we sounded so brilliant about a minute ago now it's so i think it you're taking your time? Oh, God. We sounded so brilliant about a minute ago. I think it means if you take your time and do it right, you're not going to have to undo another nine that were fucked up. Okay, that makes sense. That makes sense. But when you say Perry Farrell and you say Dave Chappelle, and I know this is not going to –

people are going to not get what I'm trying to say is – so Three Days was one of my favorite songs ever three days was this big long song theoretically about about him losing a girlfriend and then not telling anyone she was dead i don't know what it was about but it's one of my favorite fucking songs but i couldn't i had a girlfriend where she didn't get it like i'd start playing it she'd be like this is stupid it's just not not doing anything and i was like you're missing why this song is great this song is great because you're taking a journey with them and it's it's funny i played you know one of chapelle's ones you know

funny it is to be in that like because that when i hear that whole backside of that i used to meditate i learned how to meditate that backside of that album yeah and like i used to feel like i was like floating or sinking into the rug like in train spotting when i would just get into that meditative space when i would listen to that to listen to you being like having to be outside of all that and feelings that that music created being like no you don't get it this is like amazing as he's going three days was the morning light three lovers in three ways oh my god it's the way they the dynamics of it and the drumming on that album it's just like on that album it's just like oh my god like the whole fuck it was just four geniuses coming together everybody taught that's why everybody talks about never mind never mind

cannot fucking touch no ritual cannot even touch it ritual de lo head bitch will might be one of my favorite albums ever i ran i ran uh they they on one of the channels they have on, on cable that, you know, it was like a music channel where they play live concerts. They shoot them in HD. I go on the treadmill one day and I go, and if this is in UC Irvine was so funny is that I know that, that I know that it's not, not at you. It's in Irvinevine wherever they're doing this is in a in a place in Irvine and I know that Irvine is very uh very uh conservative so as he's saying like ah you know he's like talking in the middle of he's like I have transgendered rights and they're like you know just play the song Barry and so I get on I turn it on and it's a full Jane's Addiction concert. I'm on the treadmill. It starts in.

And I think the first words out of his mouth is, I'm coming down the mountain. And so I just crank it up to a six. Bill, I ran probably eight miles, nine miles in this concert, just hauling ass. And it was great because it's like watching a live concert and you don't know what song's next but you hear the what a fucking great great great band i'm listening to that tonight and i'm listening to it i have that on vinyl i'm turning out the lights and i'm gonna fucking listen to that whole that whole whole backside of that album. And you know what's great about when you meditate to that thing in the end, you know how the song fades out and then you just hear Perry go,

good night. Good night. Then he goes, good night. That weird phrasing. Oh, dude, that was just an hour's. Dude, hang on. Hey, Andrew, pull up the songs Because there's so many songs on that. And I think people think when they think of that album, they think of like the big hits.

But there's so many songs that are sleepers. I am skin and bones. I am pony nose. But a motherfucker makes me try. But it don't get to don't. Oh, yeah. Jane's Addiction. Juanas Addiction. makes me try but it don't get to don't oh yeah jane's addiction juana's addiction i was in college when uh that album or high school when our album came out and we were i was taking spanish and all of us learned it was like that was the one phrase we could say in Spanish class. You want the track listing, Bert?

Señoras y señoras, nosotros tenemos más influencia. I don't know what it means. Con sus hijos. I think it means we have a lot of influence on your kids, but don't worry, we love them. Something like that. Give me what's the...

Stop. Oh my God, what a fucking... no one's leaving ain't no right obviously no row now ain't no ride uh uh been caught stealing three days stealing three days because stealing was like their their pop song like all right there you go that was the chart stopper and it was like them in a vons now. Now that you know where they were, they were in a Vons. But even like his phrasing. Been caught stealing once when I was five. Just how the punches.

And just to your land. It's as simple as that. But you know what I liked about it? Because I thought there was like a snot nose vibe to it. He was almost acting like a little kid. Like that guy is like like he's so fucking he's one of the great front men that people I don't think still understand how fucking unreal that guy was the best the biggest joy I ever had or is I should say sorry the biggest joy I ever had in life was being a big James Addiction fan in high school

like it was like senior year maybe maybe junior year when that came out and then getting to college and someone introducing me to um all the james addiction like do you ever get the james addiction triple x was uh where they sang uh sympathy for the devil and pigs and zen and just going like oh my god oh my god oh my god i used to i used to listen to uh nothing shocking in ritual and then i followed them perry and stephen into uh porno for pyros both of those arrows was great i was listening to uh bali in my eyes the other day. I think it's such a beautiful song. Beautiful song. And the drumming on that too, once again.

He did, by the way, he has a hog on him too. Have you ever seen Perry Farrell naked? No, didn't. You know, this kid took a left turn. Can you share the screen? It's fucking, he has a hog on him, like a legit hog. And he was so rock star, started Lollapalooza. Yeah.

I mean, where does that bring? So do you think, I would love to, I don't know. Think about how that album came out in 1990, which means they were working on it in 89. Think about the music that MTV was playing which means they were working on in 89 think about the music that mtv was playing and what they were doing it's fucking crazy that was like when uh all those bands i was watching skid row hit i think in 89 we are the youth gone wild and i love all of that shit yeah and then when this stuff came in, I was just,

it was weird just to just seamlessly go from that because I could still go back because after that album came out, Skid Row's next one came out, Monkey Business and all of that, and I loved that one too. God, man. It's funny.

I remember reading an article about Perry Farrell. By the way, once again, if I misquote this article, whatever. I'm not a good reader. So if I read something and I relay that message to you, it may not be what was said. I'm not a good reader. What are the quotes around reading? What is that, Bert? I'm not a good reader.

Like, I read the words, but my mind. I'm not that smart. I don't like taking showers. I like to eat ice cream with a knife. So I think that's an old Chris Farley bit. But I remember. That was an SNL bit. Yeah.

I remember sitting in my girlfriend's apartment at the time, reading an article in like Spin Magazine or something. I want to say it was, maybe it wasn't Spin. And then, but it was like Rolling magazine or something i want to say it was maybe it wasn't spin and then but it was like rolling stone or something and perry farrell talked about hooking up with dudes and having to read it like three or four days back when you're in college and homosexuality is not like a commonplace thing that was the first thing i ever read where i was like oh i think i need to be more open-minded i was like if if i love this guy and he lets dude suck his dick at parties then maybe i need to be like all right that's fine

you know well he had such a big dick he had to share with everybody burt fucking hog bill i mean perry farrell god damn i remember meeting dave navarro i had by the way i met dave navarro a number of times never once would he ever remember one but dave navarro would work out at crunch i worked out at crunch please don't talk about his dick it's not i'm not talking about his dick i actually i definitely saw going to the showers no i definitely saw his dick no it was the sauna and but i would read him because he had all those tattoos i would just sit and read him dave navarro used to train in a hypobaric chamber they had one in crunch it was like uh they'd lower the oxygen level and it was in a

thing and he would just these are the little wait they would they had a thing where they would lower the oxygen yeah it was a it was a like a bubble over a elliptical machine they didn't increase the oxygen no you lower the oxygen why so your heart rate goes up and you're getting less oxygen and that corporate gym was not worried about the yeah it was it's like training at denver or training in uh in colorado springs it's like training at altitude so david here that here's my here's my quick things i know that expression training at altitude what altitude high altitudes well there you go why don't they say that because everybody everything because you can't train at the bottom of the ocean bill but you can be below sea level yeah you can you can work out and fucking uh work out in new orleans you in new orleans i forgot i forgot there i forgot there are places I thought below sea level just meant like in a submarine. No.

I was like, Bill, no one's training for a fight in a submarine. This takes me back to ground school. Pressure altitude, density altitude. I got to brush up on that. I used to know all of that. Oh. Oh. One of them is correct. Pressure altitude is density altitude i gotta brush up on that i used to know what all of that oh oh one of them is correct pressure altitude is density altitude corrected for standard temperature or something i can't even remember this you just sit there babbling that two niner point niner two

the uh i need to brush up what um what what, when was the last time you flew? By the way, I was in my backyard. I flew a flight. I soloed the other day. Wait, were you in a red helicopter? No. Oh, damn it. And I was, I think, well, there's more than one out here, Bert.

I know, but I saw a red helicopter. And every time I see a helicopter, I go, fucking Bill Burr to my daughters. And they go, actually, Dad, that might be him. And I went, why? And they go, this is the same area that he flew last time. So you might want to check. And Hugo, I saw it the other day, and I was like,

shut the fuck up. What if I knew it? What if I called it? No, I saw it the other day and one of the airports I went to, because it's very intimidating to go to an airport that you, you're unfamiliar with. Yeah. So I just decided that I'm going to solo to every single airport in the LA

area. And there's a zillion of them and I'm just going to get comfortable with that. So if I ever need to, like, it's just, it's like confidence, but it's the same thing with like acting, same thing with the thing. It's just like, this makes me uncomfortable. This is a baby step I can handle. I'm not getting past myself. So this airport, the guy in the tower yelled at me

on my second solo, like seven years ago. So the same way boston comedy club made me like sick to my stomach when i was having bad sets and i would walk by it during the day being like that club owns me i would avoid this guy's he's just a grumpy dude and i was a student pilot and i was saying student pilot like when so i'll just i'm gonna pick a different airport. Let's just say Long Beach. All right? Yeah. If you're talking to Long Beach, your call is Long Beach Tower. Then it's who you are, where you are, what you want.

All right? Long Beach Tower, helicopter, blah, blah, blah. At the 605 and the fucking five with like a full stop with Charlie or whatever. Right? and the fucking five would like a full stop with Charlie or whatever, right? So, and then when you're in between airports and you're out of everybody's airspace, you're just talking. Say it again, say it again. It's who you are, where you are.

Who you are, where you are, what you want. So who you are, what you are, and where you want. And what you want. So it's long beach long beach tower helicopter blah blah blah blah blah with like a full stop at atlantic with with charlie pancakes with pancakes with pancakes with papa it's just it's before you go into the the airport you listen to a recording it's called the atis and that's the information, where the winds are, what runways they're using, any sort of shit you got to look out for or whatever, right? So in every hour, it changes.

So at 8 o'clock, say if it was alpha, 10 o'clock, 9 o'clock, there's new information, then it's Bravo. So you're just letting them know, I have the current information. I know what runway you're using. you're just letting you know i have the current information i know what runway you're using so when you're in between air spaces you're just on a common channel for helicopters so then you're just saying like you know the pacific design center you know that thing okay it's in all right uh or capital records yeah yeah yeah yeah you'd be just, you know, basin traffic. You'd just be like, you know, white helicopter, capital records, southbound on the 101 at 1,300 feet. You tell them, you know, basically, right?

So I was making a common traffic channel call. I was referring to this airport. Like, we'll just say, we'll say Long Beach. Instead of saying Long Beach Tower, I was saying to this airport. Like, we'll just say, we'll say Long Beach. Instead of saying Long Beach Tower, I was saying Long Beach Traffic. But I would say, I said, Long Beach Traffic student pilot would like transition 91. And the old timer in it, he goes, this isn't traffic. This is a tower. You're calling the airport.

I just kept going, student pilot, Long Beach Traffic. I just kept doing it. So it wasn't that it was a different airport and this guy fucking yelled at me on the way out and yelled at me on the way back and i remember thinking i was just thinking this fucking guy knows what i'm asking and i'm saying who yells at a student pilot? It's like being a seasoned comic, and you're yelling. It wasn't like I was flying where I wasn't supposed to fly. I wasn't going to hit anybody.

He was just being a cunt. So anyways, I just avoided this guy, this guy. So the other day, I was like, ah, it's time to slay this fucking dragon. I'm going to fly down there, and if he yells at me, I don't give a fuck. And I went down there. And like most things, when you face it, it was no big deal. Everything went fine. It was a different person. I came in. I was fine. He knew that I wasn't familiar. He goes, are you familiar with this airport? I was like, no, sir, unfamiliar. there's you know he told me something to look out for i had it in sight and i came out and then it was just like huh all right and then that kind of gave me the whole thing like all right i'm just gonna do this all the way around uh la and it's been fun as shit because i'm back into doing like i gotta show you this man i'm doing this fucking i'm trying to get my instrument rating dude you want to talk about your you know i'm not the brightest guy dude talk about your fucking brain exploding um yeah yeah just like it's you know if you're in like five you know you can't see anything so then you have to fly with like your instruments so you you have to use those

instruments as your eyes and this guy explained this shit so well in this video where how your inner ear works with balance, how you know like bank, yaw, and if you're going up or if you're going down, it's your inner ear working with your vision. And when you take your vision away, this no longer works. I always wondered about JFK Jr., like how you could not realize you're flying into the ocean this guy explained it perfectly it's it's i don't i don't know if i have the right thing it's it's the

centrifugal force of this so if you're in a spin the gravitational pull is still the seat of your pants and you're like this in like a death spiral or you're like in a total fucking spin but your ass is rooted to the it's like that carnival ride where they they'd start spinning it and they drop out the floor and you're stuck to the seat you're stuck to the wall it's the same principle except your attitude can can can just be anywhere and you have no fucking idea i see what you're saying and the thing about it is is you have to you have to not listen to this. Because this is now listening to your ass in the seat.

And it's telling you that you're straight and level. And you're not. You're actually doing this. So you have to look at your instruments and override what this is telling your brain. You have a voice in your head going, dude, dude, we're fine. We're fine. What the fuck? And then you're looking at your instruments and it's showing you in like a bank or a nose up attitude or like going down a thousand feet a minute. That's why if even if after you get that rating, if you don't stay up on it and you you can get yourself in trouble very quickly even

as a high hour pilot which is always terrifying for someone with low hours to see a high hour pilot fuck up like that so there's a scan that you do you have like a six pack of instruments dude and like and you you learn like it's you have your main i'm not gonna get into all the names of them stuff but you have like it's you have your main i'm not gonna get into all the names of them stuff but you have like your attitude indicator that's where you are then it's the bank your hsi your uh vertical speed your altimeter and then your your your uh air speed so you're just sitting there and they're all giving you information as you're looking that thing and you got to train your eyes to to always to always not look at the other ones for more than a second

and then get back on that thing, and you've got to make smooth fucking movements and shit. Dude, that's just to stay straight and level. Then forget about getting into a holding pattern. How do I enter this? Direct parallel, teardrop, and then when you're going in for a landing, you got to tune in like another VOR or a DME and it's following you with these radar things.

And on each shelf, you're gradually going lower and lower. And then when you're at a certain level, if you can't, you're out of the clouds, if you can't see the airport, you then have to do a missed approach. And there's all information on that dude it is like i would i'm never gonna bitch about a fucking commercial

flight again in my life just trying to learn how to do this shit good god i mean i god is right do they take you up at some point and like put a blindfold on you or like you wear what's called foggles so they they give you these it's just like the same glasses that you would wear if you were like using like a chainsaw or something but they just have like almost like a bathroom window so it's like that but you can still see the horizon because i don't think they want the liability so you got to put duct tape on. So basically if you're sitting like this, you're just looking, all you can see is your instruments.

And if you were to look up, you can't say anything. Obviously you're flying with an instructor. So it's not the same. It's not the real deal, dude, until you get your rating and then you're soloing and you go into shit like that,

which I'm never going to do, but I just want to do it. It's not, it's not just wait until the fog's gone, right? Yeah. I fly when it's nice out, dude. That's why the pros are the guys that end up getting into these situations because they fly for money.

So shit has to get – a lot of helicopters deliver kidneys and hearts and shit for organ donors you've got to get it up there the fucking winds of this the the um the visibility is this and you just have to fucking do it and they they they fly dude i i sit there you know if i'm gonna go out towards you know like palm desert or something like that palm springs if. If I'm going to fly out there like this, there's a, the way the mountains are creates like this Venturi and the air can really fly through and it's dangerous for light aircraft. I just have an app. It's called windy. And you just look and it's just like, Oh, the winds are too high. I'm not going, I'll go somewhere else.

So you can, you can minimize, you know, it's like playing the odds, can minimize you know it's like playing the odds but i will tell you dude it is so much more safer than driving down the fucking highway and there's no way for you to understand that unless you know you you explained it to me one time and i think it every time i'm on the 405 all you said was you're in formation with a bunch of people who you don't know are prepared to be drunk they don't even know what they're doing. Dude, the shit that I see people do, and L.A. highways, I'm telling you, at night when there's actually space, these fucking people do. Last night I was driving down, like, my street,

and this guy went by me at, like, fucking 70 miles an hour on, like, a 35-mile-an-hour street, and he's in, like, a fucking GMC Yukon. I've seen that where people fucking fly down my street and i had i actually had to go to therapy for it because i would be like i would get so upset and my therapist was like hey can you stop it and i said no and he said then you need to let that go because you the few you- And let your neighbors die. And let your neighbors die. I was thinking about setting up a softball, like getting my kids out there in gloves. And then when they do that,

throwing a softball at their car and hitting their car and being like, sorry, man, I didn't expect you to be going down this fast. Fucking. I was thinking of getting like, you know, the cop, you know, those spike things that they throw out. Because you know what's great after you you do show for their tires they can they just press the button and it rolls up and you

just run back in the house i took uh uh there was a period where the street next to me was closed and so people were just dodging up and down our street and so i bought a bunch of traffic cones and just put them in the center of our street and you know their cars parked on the side so you kind of got to like weave in between them and i was like yeah that's it that's what i'll do that's probably better than blowing out all four tires that's what the and then i started doing it and all our neighbors started doing except kids and if their kids are playing the street, they just put traffic cones out.

Just put them so they, like, just totally rearrange traffic. Like, zow. But. Yeah, that's an easy way to do it. I hope I don't have to do that someday, but I imagine I will. Yeah. Can I chime in on the hyperbaric chamber info? There's actually more oxygen in those chambers.

You sure? In the oxygen therapy chamber, the air pressure is increased two to three times higher than a normal air pressure. Under these conditions, your lungs can gather more oxygen than would be possible. Oh, you can work out harder and get more muscles. Yeah, more oxygen. God, my bad. My bad. I stand for oxygen. It just didn't seem like something that corporate people,

corporate lawyers would sign off on. Hey, let's have people do cardio with less oxygen in the air. Everybody good with that? It's a good call. And by the way, I'm sure Dave Navarro watched this whole episode and was like, first off, his dick's not that big. Secondly, there's lots of oxygen in this who are these two idiots who are these two idiots who are these idiots have you have you ever have you ever been coming in for a landing bill

and been like and said something and then someone goes is this bill burr flying in no but i mean the guys that i've flown with, you recognize each other's voices. You just say it really quick. All right. Here's the other question. You're like, Mike. Billy. So, are there airports in all of L.A.?

Like, is there an airport in Compton? Yes. And so, is it white people running it or is it black people running it are you gonna cancel me well no I'm just curious like when you go to a golf course in Compton it's not white people there is black people there and so I was wondering if you go in if you're going flying into Compton or if you're flying into East LA if it's Mexican guys or is that a horribly racist question no no it's actually there's a funny bit now that's how white people go to Compton they fly in because they don't want to drive because they're too scared yeah it's an uncontrolled

airport so that means there's no tower so you talk to the other traffic when you go in okay oh okay so not every airport has like uh mission control or whatever a tower no some have power some of them don't yeah it's dude it's so much fun i can't even tell you how much fun it is it's so much fun. I wish I had something I liked that much other than drinking. Well, I quit drinking, so I needed to fill it up with something else. Dude, I'm going straight edge this whole month, dude. I just told my sisters, I said you were doing vegetarian, and they were like, oh, he's got to try this restaurant. Oh, dude, I had to tap out, dude.

I didn't know enough fucking – I didn't know enough recipes. I was just like, I can't eat another fucking chickpea. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Okay, get ready to edit this out, okay? And then let me know if I need – You're going to do that to the listeners? Let me know if I need to edit this out of my podcast but i did the math i did the math and i think i know where you got your mushrooms okay oh maybe i was wrong never mind i know i was trying to remember where i got them

oh well no that it should have gone really quick you should never mind i was wrong. Never mind. I know. I was trying to remember where I got them. Well, no. It should have gone really quick. Never mind. I was wrong. All right, people. That concludes another wonderful episode of the Bill Hurt Podcast. We'll see you next time. Thank you.