The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - 20 Minutes To Fool Around

Episode Date: July 23, 2024

Bobby and his wife get "randy" up in the woods and he doesn't like the terms she uses to do it. Jay reviews Kid Rock's performance at the RNC. A discussion about the Trump speech leads to Hulk Hogan... talk, which leads to his sex scandal. Bob tells a story about a time when his date wanted a threesome with another comedian and Jay pressures him to tell the listeners who that is. *To hear the full show and subscribe to SXM go to www.siriusxm.com/bonfire FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf

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Starting point is 00:00:00 And now the bonfire with Big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly Who is this England Dan and? John Ford Coli and John Ford Coli yuck warm wind blowing the stars around and I've been in love to see it tonight. Oh, man. I didn't even consider the idea of listening to yacht rock Smoking a joint by a fire in my backyard and seeing actual stars.
Starting point is 00:00:30 That's where an Adirondack chair makes sense. I have brand new Adirondack chairs all around the fire pit. They're never comfortable really, but... They are because you have to add one pillow. Ass or back? Back. Back. Back pillow. I put pillows all around and I gave other
Starting point is 00:00:47 people head pillows too. Made them comfortable and I have my rock speaker that hooks up, my Bluetooth rock speaker, lit the fire, yacht rock three nights in a row. And a young man hanging out with you, right Russell Joe Russell if you call him young how old is he I he could he could be between 14 and 67 but his body range of what his body type is between 14 to 67 okay yeah yeah his rose is special he's very I mean dude he took a shirt off at one point and I don't have the same body since 22 years old. It's disturbing. His biceps are the same size as his wrist.
Starting point is 00:01:28 Yeah. Yeah. Easy to draw though. Easy to draw. But how old is he actually? He's gotta be 30 something. Oh, he's in his 30s. Oh, so I was gonna say,
Starting point is 00:01:39 there's an age where you're showing where people have reminiscence for Yacht Rock or you're showing it to them for theiscence for Yacht Rock or you're showing it to them for the first time. I'm on the road with Dylan. Dylan's learning these songs for the first time. Yeah. Yacht Rock. You know what I mean? I love these songs I just didn't know they were called Yacht Rock. Yeah you didn't know you could find the genre. I didn't know there was a genre. Is there other song? I did a road gig with you. What's it called? Nights Are Forever Without You. Gotta hear the chorus.
Starting point is 00:02:05 Used to call it Silk Shirt Rock. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. My favorite type of music is when they build it up and then they shut it down and then they come back in. But they made, you can't search that so they yacht rock Yeah, you can't search Zippy with the pals Zayden and then the whoops and then they shut it off in this
Starting point is 00:02:35 No, and then yes, and then they pinch the hi-hat. I Saw a crazy band me and dawn had date night on Friday Joe and and his lovely wife Olivia from the cheese show Watched max what show the cheese show right there the cheese show. What's the cheese show? They have a show on YouTube where they review cheeses Yeah, they review cheeses I mean of course it of course it's like, yes, I guess, like a schticky. Yeah, it's like hot ones. Dumb thing, but like, I don't mind reviewing cheeses.
Starting point is 00:03:11 It's a hot one, then you rate them. Well, they find themselves into sharper cheeses or mild cheeses. I'm a sharp cheese guy. Yeah. I want it to make my cheeks hurt. You like your tongue to sting a little bit? I like a sharp, sharp cheese.
Starting point is 00:03:24 Yeah, I do too. I like a sharp, sharp cheese. Yeah, I do too. I like a creamy cheese, but I've grown into a, I like a smelly cheese now too. Well, stank cheese usually has that sharp. Yeah, that's stank. I like a stank. If it's stank, it's sharp. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:36 For the most part. Like from somebody's foot. I like when you bite it, yeah. I like when you bite into, it's the sharp kind where it feels like you're biting into a callus. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like biting into a callus. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:46 Like bottom foot, like heel calluses. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, like an old lady's foot in a pool. It like cracks, it like cracks off. My grandmother had feet like that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I like when it breaks up like scab. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:58 That's the best cheese always. I do. Oh, it hurts, it hurts your cheeks. So sharp. They took off and and then, uh... That's my stomach. Um... What was I saying before I said that? Date Night, great band.
Starting point is 00:04:12 Oh, oh. Look at me getting you back on track. Did you start smoking pot this weekend? Nice! Uh, give me $20 million, I'll smoke a pot. I'll smoke pot. $20 million? Alright, one.
Starting point is 00:04:22 I'll do one. I need one, just in case it all goes south. I need Don to have something. If we ever get a million dollar salary here, you should just start smoking pot. If I get a million dollars from Sirius? Not because then taxes and blah, blah, blah, it's not really a million.
Starting point is 00:04:39 But if there's somebody out there. It's a pretty good base. If Elon Musk, who I'm pretty sure is a fan of the show, was like, I'll do that, and he just gives me a million dollars, I'll smoke up. I'll smoke out. One million tax free. 37 years of sobriety down the window, one million tax free,
Starting point is 00:04:57 I'll smoke up. Once. I'll smoke up once. We'll see what we'll do. You know me. It's not worth it. If I do something once. You're going to be the best at it.
Starting point is 00:05:04 Yeah, dude. I got into lighters. I'll be what, well dude, you know me. If I do something once. You're gonna be the best at it. Yeah dude, I got into lighters. I was like, hey, come over to my house. I got this Rube Goldberg machine of smoking weed. Yeah dude, you know if I smoke once. You have to drop a marble in a thing. Yeah dude. And then it starts this whole thing and dominoes fall
Starting point is 00:05:17 and then a rat has to bite a rope. You almost got me when I went to your house and you had that thing that flips upside down. Yeah, that technology, because I'm into tech. That would... It's all analog, that thing. Oh my God, that was getting me like, maybe I could just do this.
Starting point is 00:05:35 Bobby, you didn't say anything outside, so I'll just ask you outright. Have you like new color? All right, listen man. All right, listen bro, we have to talk, bro. What? Listen, I love your thing. Yes.
Starting point is 00:05:50 I would just call it a thing. Thank you. I have no problem. I'd bring you right in my cigar lounge with your thing. Thank you. And. That's very masculine. It's, everybody there dresses the same.
Starting point is 00:06:01 Oh man, can we talk about hunting and chicks? Yeah, you can talk about, we don't talk about chicks, we talk about how women suck. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll do, no prob. None of us are banging. Oh, I'll jump right in. But I could, if you had that color, it's too disco.
Starting point is 00:06:21 But wait a second, is that what I want to do a bashful face? Yeah, but it's too. Let's have everyone. I do a bashful face Yeah, buddy. It's too. It's purple blue. It's not if I act bashful, but I ordered Two cigars for the lounge. I good No, dude, is that good? It's not you got you going you get too silly with the colors what's going on How about if I pee sitting down with the door open? with the colors what's going on? How about if I pee sitting down with the door open? But holding the door shut?
Starting point is 00:06:46 Because there's no lock? Guys in here sitting down peeing. Buddy, you have, I love everything about you except, and I like that you paint your fingernails. It's a summer look. Well, they only last, listen, it's two weeks every time you do it. That's it. It's very temporary always. Yeah, I know, but that color going you're going silly with the colors I think the brighter colors compliment my skin tone When I did the black last week they compliment your gay tone when I put the dark colors on the black last week
Starting point is 00:07:15 I genuinely looked like like a fat goth teenager my fingers like I was just like I was just like fucking jerk off Fucking pale guys. I can't look at your hands. Why? I didn't notice them. Now I can't not notice. Dude, put them away. Go back, get regular gloves. How about like I'm thinking?
Starting point is 00:07:33 No, dude, it looks like a woman's hand on your face. Jay's got a secret. Dude, you look like my aunt Peggy. Does little Jay's got a secret? No, dude. You have a bridesmaids color on your fingertips. Oh, no. I think my cummerbund was this in my prom.
Starting point is 00:07:50 Yeah, dude. It's not. I can't condone that. Check my nails. Baby, can I just have a hug? Check my nails. You did that by yourself? No.
Starting point is 00:08:04 Did you run that by Christine at all? No Do you like it Christine? No, she doesn't like it. She said immediately her first reaction. She was like, it's bright She said yeah, it's a fantastic way of saying yeah Yeah, Christine walked through the door last night has been shitting on my picnic ever since it's not a good color, dude Oh, I love it. It's not, listen man, we gotta talk. Cause something's happened, ever since we had those three girls in here. How about this, how about peekaboo Jay with the fingernails?
Starting point is 00:08:33 Ah. It looks like a woman's hands. Covering your face. No. Yes. You have older woman hands. She's a badass, though. Not just manly tattoos. Yeah, but it does.
Starting point is 00:08:44 You look like a biker chick yeah I'll do I'm gonna show my freckly tits at fucking Sturgis this year everyone's gonna get into this weirdly not tanned pussy it's the two yeah it's too girly dude it's girly can you show black blue peekaboo J so he can get it yeah can you show me going yuck? Chobabi going yuck now. Yuck. Now, how about like little Jay,
Starting point is 00:09:10 Jay's got a little secret. I wanna get you a bonnet. And how about I don't have no care in the world? How about you just found a kitten? I just found a kitten. How about they have your favorite lollipop? Okay ready? Oh this is my oh no two please.
Starting point is 00:09:29 I'll relive it for you. Turn him around let's see him. You're a summer bird. I am a summer bird. You are Jacob. He is a summer bird. Bobby you're wearing all black. I know I have a bunch of black stuff.
Starting point is 00:09:44 Sometimes you gotta go summer and live out loud, dude. Hey, listen, that's too loud for me, bro. It's a hot boy summer. It's too, no, it's a six gear summer, and that is definitely, that's four teeth gear. You know what, dude, I'm too tired for six gear. I just wanted to try to go hot boy summer. Bobby Kelly's six gear summer, Big J's hot boy summer.
Starting point is 00:10:02 Kev, get on the shirts. You kinda, get me in. Big J's hot boy summer. Kev, get on the shirts. You kinda get me? Big J's hot boy summer. Yeah, just you with a boa. Can I tell you something? I'm gonna take you one time, Bobby, and we're gonna put a nice color on your nails, and you're gonna, it's gonna turn everything around for you.
Starting point is 00:10:15 I don't think I could do nail polish. Yeah, you can. I don't think I can. Well, we'll try, it's only two weeks. I don't think I can pull it off. You have a lot of other accoutrements That pull off nail polish on the my god. I want you made me get a watch. I got a watch beautiful watch I love your watch. I just saw it when you were coming in. It's great
Starting point is 00:10:34 And you know what it's a black watch, and it's really complemented by the highlight of the nails It's not it actually detracts. It looks like a it looks like another another person from your wrist down. I Got hand transplants. Yeah from a fat launch lady. I'd rather you look I'd rather you wear full gloves My slut hands I you do have slut you have porno slugger And then when I whack off honestly, I can imagine that it's somebody else. Is that why you do it? She's a larger woman, but I mean, nice nail polish. She's Russian. Yeah, I'm letting a Yugoslavian jerk me off.
Starting point is 00:11:11 Look at this thick lady beating my dick. Clearly it's a lady. Look at those nails. Clearly she's had 15 kids. I don't know, man. I mean, God bless you. I'm going to gay out while I can before Trump takes over and turns everything, we're gays illegal. Was it Big J's big gay hot boy summer? No, today was Big J's big day of big gay beauty. When you go there, is it Chinese ladies? I can't tell exactly what version of Asian they are, but they're all binging and bonging around the place to each other, yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:45 All right, woke, Jay. I just said they're all binging and bonging around the place to each other, woke. Binging and bonging. So it's Asian. It's Asian for sure. So when you pick your color. Mm-hmm, cover.
Starting point is 00:12:01 I'm sorry, when you pick your color. Don't you ever call me woke. Start challenging things. I'm rubbing my dick, your car up don't you ever call me whoa Start challenging things. I'm rubbing my dick everyone show your dick to Christine. Let's exactly harass her when you're when you pick your color After you when you pick that color did you hear? Yes Also, I really do like this color genuine like it on and I like the one I saw it But I will say and Christine's probably the only person here who could attest to this When you're picking your nail color, it's a pressure situation. I mean they're like they kind of want you to like figure it out Also while they're doing things to you. So like what do you want? You got to hold up these?
Starting point is 00:12:42 Key chains of different fake nails with colors on them throw up And then I got to go through and I was like i'm looking for something like a creamsicle like a light And so uh, this was like a lavendery Periwinkle. Yeah, it's periwinkle and I want to hit you. I want to throw something at you put my theme song back on I put my hair up check my nails I put my hair up, check my nails, diddly-diddly-doo. Yeah. Check my nails. Periwinkle is not your color, man.
Starting point is 00:13:15 My hair did, check my nails. I threw my line back in, too. My hair line? Your hair line, I love. Looks great. I love everything you got, except periwinkle. I do think it would work with the fingerless gloves with the nails. It's going to be nice.
Starting point is 00:13:32 We'll see what happens when the wintertime comes. It will be nice but you have to, you have to, you can't, you're going too rogue on the colors. You were alone this weekend. I did this today. You did this today? Christine was around? I was just home.
Starting point is 00:13:49 You're not there with me, Bob, to help pick the color. I'll pick the color next time. I'll go and we'll pick man colors. Yeah. Mondays is nails day. Alright, we'll pick colors. Are you going to change that in what, two weeks? Two Mondays from now. Two Mondays from now. We'll pick colors. You gotta go with manly colors. You gotta go with like manly colors. You can go with a purple, but go with a man purple,
Starting point is 00:14:07 like a vampire purple. Vampire purple? Yeah, like a shiny dark purple, right? No, I'm telling you, you'll see what I mean. It makes my fingers look like little, fatsy, I'm telling you, like. You don't like the dark colors. Like a fat goth girl, because my skin's pretty pale.
Starting point is 00:14:25 So you want to look like a fat girl? The dark color looks like either old lady hands, sort of, or something like this. So you want to look like a fat girl? This is hot boy summer. You want to look like a fat rich girl from the Hamptons? Yes. That's what you want your hands to look like?
Starting point is 00:14:36 Yes. I said, make me look jappy, but not like you guys jappy. I mean Jewish American princess jappy. You want to look like you have a baking show on the Food Network? Yes. Yes. J plus butter equals delicious. That's a good name for a show.
Starting point is 00:14:52 Yeah. J plus butter. J plus B equals... B? Yeah, whatever. I'm getting used to them now, actually. You love it. I don't love it. I do not. Look at the change. Look. I wear black and it pops.
Starting point is 00:15:03 It pops because it's Silly it doesn't pop in a good way your thoughts. I know your father beat me into being not gay How do you feel about get away from me? You hate it? No, actually I like it. No, you don't I don't hate it Huh Lou? I don't hate Lou For what? What are you guys a picture of him for Lou has to like you? Oh, yeah, sure like why are the why is this any more? Pansier that's the word I was looking for your pansy Why is it pansier is his question? It's because it's a nz I er Pansier it's periwinkle. That's why the other colors you picked were a little more
Starting point is 00:15:44 periwinker by power wear They call it pansy fingers Oh Panda come in today get new big panned I bet that your nickname big Panda I bet I am big Panda Panda come and get gay finger again. Oh, they do my eyebrows and nails now They definitely think I'm a gay panda again. Oh, they do my eyebrows and nails now. They definitely think I'm a gay panda. I'm definitely fulfilling some prophecy when I walk in there. I bet you they have like... They all get on their knees and start worshiping.
Starting point is 00:16:12 I bet you they have a merch of you next time you go in there. You waving your little panda hands. Oh, that place knows me. I'm a member. I love a prosperity Jay. I'm a member of this place. What do you mean you're a member? You joined it? Yeah, you joined cigar places and I joined salons. Can I ask you a question, Bobby?
Starting point is 00:16:30 Sure. Does your cool ass fucking big do-to-do fucking guy hang? Yeah. Give you a membership card like my salon does? No, we get a key fob. I don't have a... what is it called? Unlimited. Ah, unlimited what? Queens?
Starting point is 00:16:47 Unlimited. Nail and Spa? No, we don't get a, I'm sorry, we don't get a card. What do you use that card for? We get a key, we get a little key fob. That card is 15% off every time I go on my gel manicure and removal and eyebrows. I get 10% off cigars and I get a key fob
Starting point is 00:17:09 and I get my own humidor in a locker. Your own humidor? Yeah. Really? I get a humidor locker with my name on it but they fucked me because they wrote R. Kelly. Oh, that's hilarious. Really aggravating.
Starting point is 00:17:21 Can you please take a picture of that? Yeah, it bugs me so much. Do they not know? They knew. Okay. Oh, those guys. It's not a nail salon. Don't we gotta do Aunt Kelly?
Starting point is 00:17:33 This weekend, yeah, I was flying solo. Christine left. You were flying solo. I was having, I'm going just weird. We haven't said anything about the band yet. We stopped. Oh, dude, let me tell you something. New Hampshire, I love it up there. It's hard to pull away
Starting point is 00:17:48 Me and dawn went to this Italian restaurant Homemade Italian pasta we had date night. She squeezed herself into one of her dresses She looked beautiful she She did her hair. She shaved everything. She looked really, it was really nice to go out. We went out, we had dinner, we split everything. I loved that meal. We got an appetizer, a salad, we got a little pasta dish,
Starting point is 00:18:19 we split it all, we slow rolled it. We went out after, there was a three piece band playing. Just every song under the Sun Rocking it I got video this drummer was losing his mind. It was just I love live bands you know that that's they were just killing it and then she actually Kind of leaned into me at one point and she went maybe we you we can go home and You can I think she said you can get we can get lucky and then we could I was like what she's
Starting point is 00:18:52 like we could uh you know we could go home and you know have some some sexy time and I was like huh I was like all right I just don't want I just don't want you to you know just what do you want to right. I just don't want, I just don't want you to, you know, just, what do you want to get, Randy? I just don't, you know what I mean? I don't, just let's go, just say, let's go home. I get it. Hey, we should go home. I get it.
Starting point is 00:19:17 There's no reason to go home. We're having a good time. You want to go home. To fuck, she went, we can fool around. Yick. Yep. And that's a boner smash right there., we can fool around. Yick. Yep. And that's a boner smash right there. Maybe we can fool around.
Starting point is 00:19:29 She kept using words from like the furtive. She goes, dude, would you like to have sex? It's weird even. Yeah, I wanna fuck Mary Tyler Moore. Yeah, I just, it's like. How about just pull your, why don't you just pull your wiener out and start working it.
Starting point is 00:19:44 Yeah, dude, we're on this country road you just pull your wiener out start working I do we're on this country road driving pull my wiener out. Yeah, and just grab it grab it Yeah, you don't need to tell me what we're about to do and some weird 1950s a girl language. Yeah, just stupid Yeah What a nookie. Yeah, then yeah had then the then the wood pressures on so we went but we had to you know Go back to the house and then we got there and they were coming home in like 20 minutes. She's like alright I'll just I'll take care of you which I didn't like either I Don't like really I don't like I'll take care of you. I hate that you know
Starting point is 00:20:20 Why don't you if you said get up there? You know what I want. Can I say this on the radio? Yeah, I'm gonna say this and I don't mean to offend anybody here if she was like Once you get upstairs and eat my pussy like a man That would fucking shoot my dick out of my pants Good get upstairs if she just took a clip walks in here to severe personality shift takes her clothes off Walks up the little stairway to the little sleeping love we have and goes get up here and take care of it Now yeah, I'll run up those little stairs like a monkey get up there and start She know you like that
Starting point is 00:21:06 Yeah, yeah, I'm a piece of shit. I'm an old school piece of shit, dude. But then, I'm like, okay, I gotta play along, cause, you know, I wasn't in 6th gear or something. I got cocked by my wife. Well, she shot you down before. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:22 You can shoot it down. It's very empowering empowering we went up to the bedroom and I took my clothes off I took off you know I'm gonna take my underwear she goes yeah which kind of hurt my feelings I was just trying to be nice you know so I took all my clothes off but the sleeping loft the ceiling you know you can't stand up in there there was in there coming I got 20 minutes pump your pumps are limited the pumps So I need this I need to be captain when I get head. I need to be standing up I need I need captain Morgan. I need blowjobs to start stand while I'm standing
Starting point is 00:21:54 I need to stand I want to put a leg up. I want some air going through my my balls not me I want to get your hair. I want to grab your head. I can't lie there like I'm like I'm a paraplegic. And the ceilings are so low, it's like I was getting blown in a coffin. Yeah, I lay on my back and then I put my feet together and lift my leg straight up in the air. And then I drop them down to my sides as hard as possible
Starting point is 00:22:19 and I present every hole on my body to be had while you hover over me, preferably from the side so I could play with your hooch. Play with the hooch? Yeah. Yeah, no. She was lying down. I was... time was ticking. I was just waiting. Do you do jazz hands with your little periwinkle fingernails? I just can't present everything. There, have at it. There's the balls, the wiener, the butthole. I like to have my foot up on something. I like to be in a dominant position.
Starting point is 00:22:55 I don't like a standing blow job very much. I don't like, I like to start standing. We can roll down, we can get into other positions. But I like to be standing, I like to, you know, I like to kiss. Even when we have sex. I like to kiss fuck. I like to make out a little bit when you just when you just blow me I I feel like you're just doing it to get it over with which she is I mean, I know what she's doing. Plus I I I didn't I didn't she also said she was gonna take care of you Yeah, so now also pressures on to try to make that not be so long
Starting point is 00:23:26 No, you got to make it quick. You don't take forever. We have 20 minutes. Yeah, I went through my Rolodex of weird shit in my head Yeah, max has to come in she panics clunks her head your wiener in her mouth and he's got to go to therapy forever Yeah, I'm just waiting for headlights cuz we're in the woods too. You can hear and see somebody coming 20 minutes away. You know? They're coming. It's terrifying. It was terrifying. Yeah, like a horror movie.
Starting point is 00:23:51 Did you see lights before you finished? No, I finished, thank God, right as I heard the truck coming up and we were all ready to go. But it was just, it was a lot of pressure. It's not what I wanted. I wanted a, let's get dirty. Let's do it by the fire pit let's go on the woods let's walk in the woods yeah let's walk out in the woods like Bear Grylls you know I mean blow me blow me you know the fear of getting a tick check me for ticks
Starting point is 00:24:17 while you fucking suck my asshole something weird right yeah yes blow me while the bands playing preaching to the choir Bobby do something crazy, but I'll be your slut Want me to be your fucking wood slut? You can freak off together, you know I get my fingernails painted with you dude Bobby and Jay wood nymphs Couple of wood nymphs me and you just twirling around the forest with our dingers hanging out I felt bad too cuz I didn't shower enough time to shower, but I did go in the lake. Oh, nice, you had lake nuts in ass? Yeah, I did.
Starting point is 00:24:51 You got a fucking minnow. I had lake nuts. There's a minnow between your thighs. And I forgot, I forgot I had lake nuts until she went down and took a couple swipes and then came right back up. Oh, and you smelled it on her face and didn't want to kiss? No.
Starting point is 00:25:03 It all fell to pieces. Oh No, she did she did my lake ass. It was great, but I like she did great It's a fighting she did a great job. She's a good she's a good tricks, but I Like a little talking too You know look at me a little bit you like that you like that But her head can only come up so far because the ceilings there. That's right. That's why I wanted to be downstairs. She's like, I don't know. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:27 Yeah, there you go. I was up there, dude. I made her climb down a ladder like two old people. Ha ha ha. Oh Lord. Yeah, we have stairs going up ours, but little stairs. You have to hunch over when you get to the top one.
Starting point is 00:25:42 Yeah. Yeah, and it's a short, yeah, roof. Yeah. So you can't even like, when you're on top, you. Yeah. Yeah, it's a short, yeah, roof. Yeah. So you can't even, like, when you're on top, you can't, like, sit up. No, the first time we had sex in the tiny home, I have a bit in my act about it, I actually, I smashed my head on the ceiling.
Starting point is 00:25:57 Yeah. And I hit it so hard that I drooled on her back. Like, I just went, oh, and all this drool came out on her back, like, a lot. And she was like, did you finish? I was like, I, and all this drool came out on her back like a lot and she was like, did you finish? I was like, I drooled on you. She was like, why? And I was like, I like I tore something in my inner thigh.
Starting point is 00:26:14 I thought it was my asshole. Everything everything went bad. It was so why'd you draw me goes because I came in my own ass and I twisted my ankle. Yeah, it's hard to bang. That's one of the things they don't tell you when you buy a tiny house is that you're probably gonna have to bang on the first floor. You can't really, unless you're into missionary,
Starting point is 00:26:36 you know, or you're small people. You have a missionary to me implies a little up. Little up? Yeah. You get on there, you latch on like a spider monkey and just pump away. You weren't fat your whole life. No, I was not fat my whole life.
Starting point is 00:26:52 I haven't fat my whole life. The idea of dropping my body weight down on top of someone and just only going with my fucked motions seems like that's gonna end up on like a YouTube true crime thing. And I'm crying there and things in my basketball shorts going no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I didn't know. I thought she was alive.
Starting point is 00:27:14 I thought she was alive. She said she wanted me to. Most girls don't talk when I fuck them. You dissed son, didn't you? I did diss son. You got caught. That's what dissed. I know you might say
Starting point is 00:27:28 Yeah, it was a good I mean it was good it was fine guts I got the evil out which was great It's good to have somebody touch my penis. That's not me, which was fun. And she I mean she She's good. She put a lot of effort into it. You get to keep up with the world's events while you were up there I know there's no internet in that part of the country She was good, she put a lot of effort into it. She got to keep up with the world's events while you were up there? I know there's no internet in that part of the country. No, I have better internet at the tiny house than I do in New York. That's more of a problem,
Starting point is 00:27:51 that seems something you could probably remedy, for sure. How? There's definitely better internet available in Westchester than the deep woods of New Hampshire. Dude, I have a gig up and a gig down. I don't know, dude, it befuddled me. Nice. Thanks, thank you.
Starting point is 00:28:10 I saw how you thought about it when you said it. You made sure you got it out right, and man. Thanks. You did it right. I did it for you, dude. I did it for you. I'm just saying Jacob wasn't here to see that. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:28:23 I'm just saying Jacob wasn't here to see that. Thank you. I just said Jacob wasn't here to see that. Wow. That was amazing. Yeah, we have great internet. We just don't have cable. We didn't get the cable, we just got the internet. So, but you watched everything going on. Did you watch the Trump speech and everything?
Starting point is 00:28:36 I watched the whole thing. It's probably the first political speech I've ever watched the whole thing. I mean, I watched his stuff. It was in the background while I'm playing Candy Crush and whatever else, playing with the dog. But it was Hulk Hogan, it was so hilarious. And then Kid Rock, fantastic. I mean.
Starting point is 00:28:55 It was so funny. It's funny. For him to go out there for like a room full of people in suits and tucked in shirts and do Kid Rock. But you see people, you know what's funny? Talk about a fake news thing. People you see people, you know what's funny? Talk about a fake news thing. People trying to like, by the way, I would love,
Starting point is 00:29:10 again, everybody knows, I hope it's listening, I have no affiliation, nor do I give a fuck about any of these people at all. The Kid Rock thing that was fucked up was, I watched it when it happened live, then they started posting on the internet this stuff, like Kid Rock performs to nobody, like no one's there for him at the
Starting point is 00:29:26 At the at the RNC and I was like I was like it was Becky was fucking soundcheck They kept showing people trying to make it look goes. Yeah, this is how much people care about Kid Rock there I'm like by the way, you could just do the real thing They didn't give that much of a fuck when he was performing in front of the packed house This isn't really with his audience. Yeah, there's people sitting down in ties and shit. Nobody cares about kids. People texting or people dancing, and you're like, why are you dancing to this music?
Starting point is 00:29:50 But this is the funniest thing. This is the funniest thing to me about this particular song he picked. Talking about if I was ever gonna find a reason to vote for somebody, this is the dumb reason I would do it. The final verse of this song is the song, it's the verse that I put on a loop on a CD to get myself hyped up before I did Premium Blend.
Starting point is 00:30:11 What is it? It's American Badass is the song, but it's the last verse. What's the last verse? Oh, you'll hear it. Hey everybody, if you're listening to The Bonfire as a podcast, you gotta know there's a whole second half of the show that you're not getting to hear.
Starting point is 00:30:24 Look, if you love The Bonfire, which we know you do, this is just half of the show. Go subscribe to SiriusXM at SiriusXM.com slash Bonfire. Subscribe right now. Mine part didn't have Trump in it. Here He goes this verse right here thump it Lou Or you can suck my dick I'm gonna fuck some hoes if there are rock this place Sock on the glass of Joe see you can ride Maybe
Starting point is 00:31:16 Why did he was just doing some masonry work I was like a big feather better check my head I know it stinks in here cuz I'm the shit white people still suck at dancing shit they can't even dance to their own music I'm a cowboy say Trump Trump they can't even get there say Trump Trump he did a weirdo Yankovic song for himself these old white ladies suck they're just trying to try to get into it they're not gonna do this Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump The patriotic American badass on earth, President Donald J. Trump, but first another badass.
Starting point is 00:32:26 Dana White. My brother, Dana White. God damn it. Why? That's such a weird thing. Why? I mean, if you're going to have him do it, why doesn't he bring out Trump? That's the Josh, that's the Josh.
Starting point is 00:32:38 Josh Meyers, fuck it. He just did the Josh Meyers intro. But first, Dana White's here also for some reason. Yeah, he's giving up on Donald Trump, the next president. Dana White is here too. Dana White. Dana White lost, I mean, he did a great job. Dana White did fantastic.
Starting point is 00:32:55 Did he? Yeah, he. I watched, I mean, I had it on. I don't remember much about what he said. None of it really resonated with me at all. Here's the problem with Trump. Is he doesn't, like Dana White told this whole story about how he called him and he couldn't do it,
Starting point is 00:33:10 he's on vacation for the first time in 10 years and he's literally rented like a seven gazillion dollar yacht for him and his family and I hung up the phone and my wife was like, you have to go do this for that man. And then he was like, all right, I'll do it. He told that story. But then Trump was like, all right, I'll do it. He told that story. But then Trump goes up and tells the real story. Like, you know, he adds nuance to it,
Starting point is 00:33:31 but it's not really what Dana just told, so it kind of fucks his story. What'd he say? What was the difference? He said, I called him up, and I said, you know, I'd love for you to do it. And he said, I really can't. And I was like, you gotta do it.
Starting point is 00:33:44 You should definitely do it. And his was like, you gotta do it. You should definitely do it and his lovely wife, and then he called and he said, you know what, I will do it. I was like, wait a minute, dude. And then he said something and he goes, that's a good woman right there. That's a good woman.
Starting point is 00:33:58 That's a good wife. She wants him more. He kinda just added a little thing to it that wasn't part of, of Dana story was a story That was great and he went up and did his thing. Oh, yeah, no Trump was great I like man taking that dinger in the air did not slow down his Trump shit at all was great You thought the people that thought he was gonna go up there and be like this is the time for everyone I want to be everybody's president kind of feeling thing, he just lived there again.
Starting point is 00:34:26 I love it, because right away he's like, that kid was a dummy and ugly, which is probably why he missed. He's just like. He really can't, and he actually brought up, you know, I was worried about, he's a comic, cause he said, he goes, I was worried, you know, I mean, Dana, I had to follow Dana,
Starting point is 00:34:43 and this person, they really killed it, so I can't bomb after know, I mean Dana had to follow Dana and this person they really killed it So, you know, I can't I can't bomb after them. I have to make sure that I I do better than them It's like are you thinking about that? You're thinking about closing. Yeah The guy you know was gonna run so late. I know you guys are tired, but uh, if you could hang in there Yeah, I had it on the background too. I thought he was gonna do something else. I was kind of bummed that he didn't. By the way, it's why I don't understand, I don't understand voting at all,
Starting point is 00:35:12 is because they all just say the opposite of each other is real. Do you get what I'm saying? When I watch those speeches, I'm like, all sounds great. It's like less taxes for everybody, everyone's gonna make more money, more jobs, there was less this, more that.
Starting point is 00:35:28 Where immigration is so bad right now, everyone agrees on that, we're gonna stop the immigration. But by the time he's done, they're saying we're gonna finish that wall. I'm like, I guess we gotta build that fucking wall, dude. And then if I just watch anything else on a thing, they're like, people migrate here for this, and then you're just like, yeah, that's awesome, man.
Starting point is 00:35:45 That seems pretty legit. Yeah, doesn't it? Isn't that how the Italians go here? That's why I'm terrible. People are like, I'm like, no, man, ladies should be able to have an abortion. You're murdering a baby. I don't murder babies.
Starting point is 00:35:56 I don't know what the thing is, I don't know. That's why I'm terrible at this. Well, don't do either. Have abortions, but don't murder babies. What sucks is that they don't let you pick and choose your salad. You know what I mean? It's like, yeah dude, women should have the right
Starting point is 00:36:12 to do that if they want to, go ahead, do it. You want to go kill a baby, go kill it. Murder a baby? What do I give a shit? I did a couple murders on my record. Hell yeah. You know, it's like, I mean, but if you go against them, then you're with them. I pull out and finish early.
Starting point is 00:36:29 I finish on them, so that's why it's like a looper. Yeah? Yeah, yeah. But Larry Bird always dribbles before he shoots, my friend. Ah. Yeah, you gotta be careful. Damn, what a Boston analogy. Thank you, thank you. When your fuckin' pasty, freckly parents told you when you were younger.
Starting point is 00:36:43 Bobby. Remember. Larry Bird always dribbles before a shoot. Wrap that fucking clock right up, kid. Bobby. Yeah, it is funny because... Did you love Hulk Hogan's speech? You loved it. Dude, I did.
Starting point is 00:36:58 I love Hulk Hogan. You know I'm so into wrestling now. Brother. Brother. And then when he took it, the hulk of the trumpamaniacs The trumpamaniacs dude what an ass can I say something? Oh, and he went set next to his fucking child bride. Yeah That looks exactly like every other girl He's ever been with and his daughter and he watched McCall that is the best at one point
Starting point is 00:37:18 He calls he says something about Hulk Hogan. How about Hulk Hogan? Huh? How great was Hulk Hogan? Hulk Hogan's like He does know what whatcha gonna do when Trumpamania runs wild on you? These aren't threats you're supposed to be making in politics. Oh no guys, in a few months, Trumpamania's gonna run wild on us. Yeah, Trump's speeches are just,
Starting point is 00:37:40 it's like, you're like, this is good, good, good, why did you say that? What the fuck are you doing? Are you kidding me? They got married? Yeah. He got remarried again? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:50 He is, dude, this guy loves throwing away his money. Yeah. He loves, I mean, Gawker. He probably has a nice prenup at this point. Yeah, he's probably got a fantastic prenup on this one. I don't think he has much to fucking lose. No, he's got a lot of money, dude. I don't think he does.
Starting point is 00:38:06 Trump, I think you're wrong about that. Hulk Hogan? Yeah, I think you're wrong about that. He's got money. No, that divorce fucking cleaned his ass out and then she just started fucking high school kids in his house. He just won 10 billion dollars off a dead spin.
Starting point is 00:38:20 He just won that lawsuit for what, 100 million? What was that, or Gawker you mean? Gawker, whatever the fuck it was that Gawker you mean Gawker whatever the fuck yeah But they didn't pay yeah, but they will no sure think they just went bankrupt. They just want back. It's over Yeah, he's not he's got to get something. We got a couple by promise you it. I promise you was nothing There's one way to solve this Hulk Hogan's net worth This is fact This is dead on go get him Hulk Hogan how old is she she's much younger than him she's gotta be the 30s his body's so weird now yeah I can't walk
Starting point is 00:38:53 he's got everything replaced really yeah everything's replaced look at that ring we go back I saw the number 500 K what was that go up go up right there so the rings two boots was over oh they're engagement rings by their wedding rings you got money if you're buying a $500,000 wedding ring or you're trying to keep a young pretty girl excited about your fucking baggy pussy put like a fucking once you put a leather bag in the washing machine and dryer. She's 45. Yeah, his nuts look like roadkill. Dude, I bet Hogan's nuts are a mess. I bet they're enormous.
Starting point is 00:39:32 Big fat thermos cock they called it. This is saying 25 million for Hogan. Yeah, he's got 25. He's got, he's a millionaire. Christine, fantastic. Why have you not looked up his wife's name and the word nude next to it? Checking how old she is first. Well, she's for old enough for us to look up if she's nude 45. It's fine You I don't just don't want to look it up at least the Republican Convention is silly and stew almost like wrestling It's not supposed to be though
Starting point is 00:39:59 I know but it for me to watch something like that and to see how it could come out to see kit rock But he's I will I first of all the only thing I watched was that last like day Yeah, and those last basic four or five things that would happen is all I watched the I didn't watch anything else over the course of that week and then Democratic National Convention do is gonna be I wouldn't watch any of that your only watch. I mean that was Must see TV in the sense that and he's gonna brag is like them the biggest viewed I wouldn't watch any of that. You're only watching, I mean that was must-see TV in the sense that, and he's gonna brag, he's like the biggest viewed RNC ever,
Starting point is 00:40:30 and he's like, well yeah dude, you just almost got killed and gave a speech, and didn't seem that, Dave Smith disagreed, he was like, it was pretty, in his Trump way, it was weird to see him kind of emotional about what happened the other day. I go, I didn't think he seemed far near emotional enough. That's a Crazy fucking thing that happened. Well, he he actually was a little emotional at the beginning of it his speech
Starting point is 00:40:52 If you remember the beginning he's like, you know, I'm gonna talk about this tonight and the last time I want to talk about it I almost wasn't here. I Almost wasn't about his the way he speaks though I didn't convey even those words didn't convey the way you just conveyed them He's gonna say this now and I'm never gonna speak about it again because it freaked me out And it's just what a terrible thing he just goes. He just said it's like I'm gonna say this once so listen I'm you know, I'm not gonna say it again. It felt more like that Not like what the way you're putting and you might be right. I don't think he has the
Starting point is 00:41:23 ability to have empathy even for himself, I don't think he has the ability to have empathy, even for himself. I don't believe he has the ability to... People get shot all the time. Well, he actually said something at the beginning. He was like, I almost wasn't here. And they were like, the crowd started chanting something. And they were like, you know.
Starting point is 00:41:40 Go back to Africa, go back to Africa, go back to Africa, go back to Africa. It wasn't that, it was something else. Boys and boys and girls and girls. No, no, it was not, no, it wasn't that. I'm sure that was in them. I'm sure they wanted that, but it wasn't that. It was something else.
Starting point is 00:41:55 It was. Trans has the same letters as Satan. Trans has the same letters as Satan. No, no, that was later in his speech. They didn't do that. Oh. Ha ha ha, trans doesn't later in his speech. They didn't they didn't do that Daily nude huh nothing's coming up on sky daily. She sucks. Yeah
Starting point is 00:42:20 Ho can you say at least the other at least the girl he fucked in the? Hidden video you can see her nude. I saw her tits live. Heather Clem? I was at a cigar lounge after a show I did down in St. Pete and she came in, the girl that Hogan banged, the other guy's wife. Heather Clem. And she was, I didn't know it was her
Starting point is 00:42:36 and some dude leaned into me and was like, that's, what's her name? And then she was hot in such a porn star way though. It was like that kind of like, it was like, you know what I mean? It wasn't like that hot. It was like that kind of like, it was like, do you know what I mean? It wasn't like that hot. It was like too skinny with big weird tits. She pulled her tits out though, right in the bar.
Starting point is 00:42:50 Oh yeah. We were hanging out smoking, she whipped those jugs out. I was just like, wow. Is this her? Fantastic. That's a Hogan's wife, right? Heather Klum. Is that not the right Heather Klum?
Starting point is 00:43:00 No, that's not the right Heather Klum. No, she's a brunette I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she's really like, she looks like porn, porny. Yeah, her's a brunette. I think yeah. Yeah, and she's really like she looks like porn and porny Yeah, her tits would definitely Tampa fake. Oh, yeah, that's the exact Tampa words It's like you see it's like you can't tell if it's Freckles connecting or a spray tan fading. Yeah, I mean Little basketballs jammed into a chest. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm, which by the way on the most primal level
Starting point is 00:43:26 Of thing if you're walking around, like you look at that as it walks down the beach for sure, but in practice, you get over those tit-tays very quick. Yeah. Especially if- If that was your girlfriend's tits, you'd be like, man, once you're not in like, showing this off in a bikini or something,
Starting point is 00:43:40 you look like a weirdo. Yeah, when they're on top, too, and they push down with their arms and their muscle Kind of makes the tit look weird. Oh the tits point out. Yeah, those are the ones I saw right there Fantastic. She has good ones, man. Those are fantastic. Yeah. Yeah, we're nice for sure. I mean she pulled them out I was I wasn't like Total. Good for Hogan. Total shock. Good for Hoganogan fucking the fucking the friend's wife Mmm is pretty extreme
Starting point is 00:44:11 If it was if it was Hogan bringing a chick I'm sorry, if Hogan brought a chick and him and Bubba the love sponge like Couple swapped or something makes sense to me the the loaning out of your chick, not even being present for it, you know what I mean? And then like, I mean, the whole thing with Kink was he was filming, he was filming with a fucking security camera, it sucks, it's a shitty video.
Starting point is 00:44:36 Didn't know he was getting filmed, Hulk didn't know it, right? Hulk didn't know, no, for sure. That's creepy. No, I'm saying, so he was doing that, like he's got the security camera footage, what it was. I think Bubba's claim was that he's got the security camera footage, is what it was. I think Bubba's claim was that it's just the security camera footage from his house.
Starting point is 00:44:48 Not that it's like, we weren't like doing it to record the thing. But then I heard there was a tape that was like labeled. That's what it was, right, there was a tape that was labeled like Hulk Hogan. Fucking her or something. But again, it's just the weird thing, it's like to loan right to a friend is a weird.
Starting point is 00:45:04 Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, I do know what you're saying. It's weird. That it's just a weird thing. It's like to loan right to a friend is a weird. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, I do know what you're saying. It's weird. That it's someone you're gonna like, so it's like, Hogan, you coming over for the barbecue? And you're like, is this one of the times where I fuck your chick or should I bring somebody myself? Do you know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:45:16 Like that's where I'd say it gets weird. Yeah. There's no, that's too much of a break of the relationship that you know. Code? No, not codes, the wrong word. It's just that like, unless Bubba the Lovespong was gay for a whole cogan, that situation
Starting point is 00:45:33 doesn't hold much sense for me. I think it's kind of- And I'm a pretty sexually like, let's hear your weird thing, maybe I'm in. Well, I don't, but you don't know the conversation that she had. I've been with girls in the past that talked to me, one girl in particular,
Starting point is 00:45:50 that was like, talked to me about being attracted to do, like, my friends. And I was like, you wanted to, you were fantasizing? She's like, yeah, I was. And I was like, do you want to do that? Yeah. And I was like, that's crazy, huh? And we kind of got into it.
Starting point is 00:46:04 We used to use it, and And we kind of got into it. We used to use it, and then we actually made it happen once. And it was kind of cool. I didn't mind it. You know, but as soon as we're done, it's weird. But you didn't over-give a shit about the chick then? I did not care about her. I mean, she was kind of, we were dating, but she...
Starting point is 00:46:21 Do you think she was gonna be around for a long time? How close of a friend? Oh, no, I wasn't gonna be. No, that wasn't gonna happen forever. Oh, close friend. Who was it? I can't even indulge that. I will not tell you that.
Starting point is 00:46:34 How long ago was this? It was last week. It was Don and Ari. She's into big balls and beards. That's her kink. I understand that. Yeah, ever since she went up to New Hampshire, she likes banging guys that look like She's into big balls and beards. That's her kink. I understand that. Yeah, ever since she went up to New Hampshire, she likes banging guys that look like they
Starting point is 00:46:48 just walked out of the woods. A six-Paul Bunyan gang bang? I mean, I've had girls that, you know, were into that. My mind is not even sort of blown at wanting the fuck, or being fine with your chick fucking other dude, or vice versa. It's to me, it's the friend thing that's like the weird part. Well, you don't know the conversation that they had.
Starting point is 00:47:13 She might have been like, I really wanna fool around with Hulk, and they made a, they might have pretended, role played a little bit, and then he could make it happen. He could make it come to fruition. Man, dude, what is going on? I don't know what's happening. What is this, did Toga give you a word calendar for Father's Day?
Starting point is 00:47:31 Guys, I've been doing Wordle, and I think it's paying off. Well, look at this article. Thank you, thank you very much. Hulk Hogan's sex tape partner was obsessed with wrestler and used his best friend to fulfill his desire to be with him. Very possible.
Starting point is 00:47:44 Yeah. Very, very possible. Yeah. Very, very possible. No, I got you. Look, we're talking about, we use that word simp again. Like, if that was her going like, if Christine was like, look, I'm sorry, but I am so attracted to Bobby.
Starting point is 00:47:57 Thanks. I have to fuck Bobby. I had a point to myself for him to pick me, by the way. I'll go, hey, you can fuck, well, we're radio, but it's such a messier thing. Say it's like. That'd be awesome. Gil. Gil.
Starting point is 00:48:10 If Christine. Gil. Gil. Ah, yeah, there you go. Christine's going with my money even after I'm dead. Wherever my money goes, that's where she's going. She's getting the cups, the money, the blanket. Hey, Gil, we should talk.
Starting point is 00:48:23 I've always thought you were kind of hot. That'd be such a killer move. Soon Jay dies right to kill right to kill be great No, I'm just saying like again, it's it's the In that world if you're doing like weird sex shit. Yeah that world has to as much as possible stay in that world Devil horns right now. I was making a lane I was making a lane. I was making a lane. You have to do a lane. Dude, two hands. Lanes, two hands. Not devil horns.
Starting point is 00:48:50 Devil horns, I feel like you're hexing me. I don't want this shit on my... I have enough going on. My house thing fell apart this weekend. No. Well, it didn't fall apart, but some bad stuff happened. Not bad. We had a... Can you just say the first thing and stop dialing back everything you say this
Starting point is 00:49:06 weekend? Whereas everything went to hell. Not everything went to hell. Some things are over and something's now. I do do that. I can tell us who the friend is. I catastrophize things. You could tell us who the friend is, Bob. Nothing because nothing on catastrophized. Thank you. Thank you guys. Thank you guys. Thank you very much. because nothing on catastrophized thank you the girl's gone huh the girl's gone why can't we know who the friend is she's a pig she's a pig she's gone just
Starting point is 00:49:35 settle down hood boy okay I'll say this the the person that it happened with the Okay. I'll say this. The person that it happened with, the person that it originally was supposed to happen with, it didn't happen with. Godfrey. No, no. Godfrey was my chick tester. Sorry.
Starting point is 00:49:58 Yeah, like I would bring girls down and if they were like, he's awesome, I wanna, I'd be like, I gotta go. Dick Gregory. No, Dick Gregory, what am be like I gotta go dick Gregory. No tick gang. What am I? I'm not that old Your name in bosses contemporaries Steve Allen Contemporaries, thank you very much contemporaries young
Starting point is 00:50:25 Thank you guys, thank you very much. Someone checked Bobby for an impractical joker's earpiece. Someone's feeding Bobby sentences? Are you impractical joking us right now? The first person, we actually, I took her to a show. I met her to a show. I met her at a show and we hit it up. It was just sex and we started making out in the front.
Starting point is 00:50:50 We talked for like two hours out in front of this little shit gig. Started making out. We hit, I mean, sexually, we just made for each other. This is Leslie Jones. No. Yeah. Yeah, me and Leslie.
Starting point is 00:51:01 And then it was Lenny. It was Lenny. Lenny Marcus and Leslie Jones. That was a friend you let in? And then he took herny. It was Lenny. Let me Marcus and Leslie. Yeah, that was a friend you let it And then he took her from you. She took him No, and then I took her to a real show after that a couple weeks later after we hooked up a little bit and we were just pure sex like it was really sexual stuff and She came in and that person was there with another person and I could tell she was really into him she kept you know talking to him and blah
Starting point is 00:51:31 blah blah and instead of getting angry and jealous at when we left I was like you really he just suified her pussy it was actually you're never I mean you're I'll give you I'll give you five guesses if you guess, and we're talking back in Boston when I first started. If you guess, I'll tell you. Gary Goman. Oh, right off the head, wow! Got it.
Starting point is 00:51:53 That was it? Okay. Jesus Christ! Oh, he's gorgeous. Gorgeous. He's a Disney prince of comedy. She was into Gary, man. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:52:02 And when we left, I was like, you want, I kept going, she was like, is something wrong? I go, I don't know, you know, you were into Gary, man. And when we left, I was like, you want, I kept going, she was like, is something wrong? I go, I don't know, you know, you were into Gary. She's like, no, I wasn't. I was like, yeah, you were. You wanted to do some stuff with him. She's like, what do you mean? I'm like, you would definitely suck his dick if he wants.
Starting point is 00:52:20 She's like, she didn't, I'm like, you want that, huh? She goes, yeah. Like that, like sexy? She didn't do it like fuck you, she was like, yeah. And I was like, is that what you want? She's like, does that make you mad? I'm like, no, you're free to do what you want. And she's like, and then she said,
Starting point is 00:52:38 I mean, she was so sexy, man. And I- But you're saying this, the relationship was pure sex. Well, we were. And then- Yeah, so I'm saying that, listen- That didn't happen because Gary's not that type of, you know what I mean? And I you're saying this the relationship was pure sex well we were and then yeah So I'm saying that listen that didn't happen because Gary's not that type of you know what I mean sure I wouldn't be able to be in the same room with me that would be weird almost Greg Fitzsimmons I don't want to be ten minutes on you know I I can't you know when a woman's in the room
Starting point is 00:52:58 So you couldn't provide Gary Goldman for so I provide somebody Sweeney Yeah, you're fucking Morrissey Boulevard my cock. No. I'll keep guessing. Yeah. Wait, so the person who did it was also a Boston comic. Boston comic who she liked too. Who she, she was just into sex and...
Starting point is 00:53:20 Louis C.K. No, I didn't even know Louis in Boston. Didn't even know. Lenny Clark. No, are you out even know Louis in Boston. Didn't even know. Lenny Clark. No, are you out of your mind? Stop going so old. Go my contemporaries. I like guessing these people better.
Starting point is 00:53:32 Ha ha ha ha. Kippa Dada. Ha ha ha. DJ Hazard. Ha ha ha. Wayne Cotter. Michael Donald. Oh, I can do this.
Starting point is 00:53:44 Yeah, you can. Al DelBene. Wow. Buddy, I don't know, you're so good. Well, I mean, I know your circle, who your circle was. Yeah, but that's a, I mean, you, I. And those are your close buddies. I thought you'd go to other people first,
Starting point is 00:54:00 then, I mean, Gary Gellman is just such a wild choice. But your dudes were Gary, Al, you, and Dave. Dane, Billy, Bob Marley, Patrice. Yeah, but your particular crew, Al and the Monkees, was those guys. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm saying, so that's not crazy. Al's a very good looking guy also.
Starting point is 00:54:15 Gorgeous guy. So he did it. Yeah, again, here's the thing. When I was younger, particularly too, obviously, this is like a much younger thing we're both describing, but in that, a girl I was younger particularly to obvious is like a much younger thing. We're both describing but in that yeah young girl I was just fucking like it's weird to say if I had my
Starting point is 00:54:31 Even the small level of self-confidence. I have now yeah back then I would have probably done that more the only reason I didn't want to do it wasn't because I thought I was gonna be with The girl forever it was that like no should I thought she wanted to fuck me, she'll fuck anybody. You know what I mean? Would kind of bum me out in that regard. Nothing, and what you're saying about letting them do it is that's like a control game. Same with a girlfriend or a wife.
Starting point is 00:54:55 I didn't let them do it. She wanted to do it, and I was okay with her doing it. You just tied the knots. You didn't have her. That's why I'm saying, and I've had that a couple of times in relationships, especially in this business, when you have girls meet other comedians
Starting point is 00:55:12 and they get all whipped up for that, and it's like, all right, whatever, whatever you're into, you're not gonna be my, you know. I know we have to take a break, but I wanna lose the subject of like weird kink, because did you see, I wanna keep this in my mind, did you see Armie Hammer went on Piers Morgan? Yes.
Starting point is 00:55:30 Was it? He did not make a good case for himself at all. He did not pull a Kevin Spacey. He's not coming back. The problem with it, he saw, him and his team saw Kevin Spacey go on the show. Dude, you could do this. And they were like, you know what?
Starting point is 00:55:45 He was really good, you got this. And he's too good looking. Dude, it's not even, he was just like such a robot. It was really funny. We'll maybe get some highlights when we come back. We probably got time, let me get my voice ready for, what are we, welcome to seven, eight reads today, Lou? How many reads?
Starting point is 00:56:03 I'm not seeing any. Okay, none. But on the sheet for today, the whole day though. Everyone was loaded besides us Jim and Sam were the lucky winners Nothing from Bennington. How many they have just one they don't even want to be here Well one of them doesn't know they both told me they both told me they're one foot out the door. They hated here I mean, yeah Sam Sam wants wrestling he wants out and me and Bobby promote this place all the time Well, I mean as long as we're still here working might as well let you know that Robert Kelly He's got a couple performances coming up everybody. Yeah, I'm actually Just go to punch up dot live
Starting point is 00:56:39 Okay Just go to punch that live me me I need a Atlantic City Borgata. Fill it up. Buy some motherfucking tickets. Don't go to my shows, go to Jay's show. Forgo Bobby's shows you were gonna go to. What?
Starting point is 00:56:54 Wait. Forgo? Thank you. That's great. Thank you. Don't ask me if it's one or two words. Yeah, Oregon should be great. Albany. Dallas, Maine. Thank you. Don't ask me if it's one or two words. Yeah. Oregon should be great. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:57:08 Albany. Dallas, Maine. Omaha. You're all over the place. But make sure you pack up Atlantic City. That's the big one coming up. It's July 27th. One night, one show.
Starting point is 00:57:17 One night, one show. Tim Butterly gonna be with me now on that one. His mom is gonna be there. Mike Fennoyah. Mike Fennoyah. Featuring Tim Butterly is gonna come in and host I mean, it's gonna be a it's gonna be a great and maybe some more surprises big j Big J comedy calm all the guys from impractical Joker are gonna come by I think all of them are coming I think this actually might be the big reunion to Joe's coming back Shane's coming down. Isn't it?
Starting point is 00:57:41 He's not like he said if he comes he said he can only do a 45 minute guest spot on the show. Whaaat? Can you believe it? Joe Rogan said he's coptering into the top of the Borgata. He's gonna rappel down the side of the building with some weird equipment. He's gonna bow hunt the homeless. Louie's gonna actually premiere his movie that never was premiered at the end of your show. New premiere!
Starting point is 00:58:05 Um, yeah. And then of course, PunchBobby every Tuesday night, Fat Black Pussycat Lounge, PunchUp That Live slash Robert Kelly, Skankfest single day tickets, blah blah blah, Limp Bizkit is coming up.

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