The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - A Feat of Balance

Episode Date: September 29, 2021

Dan & Jay comment on Jacob living in a house of Dolls. Jay challenges the crew to test their balance. The guys explore hypothetical gay sex, America's Got Talent and Philly Pedo Hunters!Stream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/Bonfire Follow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM @DanSoder www.DanSoder.com @BigJayOakerson www.BigJayComedy.com

Hey I'm Big J. Okreson and I'm Dan Soder and welcome to the Bond Fire Podcast. Yeah it's a podcast and it's also a radio show. You can hear our full show every day on Series XM. Go to series6m.com slash Bond Fire for a special offer. And now the Bond Fire with Big J. Okreson and Dan Soder. I'm Big J. Okreson and that's Dan Soder. The crew is mostly here. We have DJ Lou, we have Christine, We have our black King the black tiger Lewis

Fleece army Josh out of myirespot sweatshirt and all the way in the doll factory Jacob a tot Back at the doll factory was up Jacob the doll factory is a great name for a strip club Yeah, well, there's a lot of doll houses doll factories club. Yeah, well there's a lot of Doll Houses. Doll Factory is good. Yeah. Jager works in a Doll Factory where like, at night like the mouse open to the Dolls, he's got a, yeah. The picture of Jager lives amongst,

amongst Ventriloquist dolls. Why is my brain faster than my mouth? Jager Bumble, Fumble Bler. Fumble Bler. Fumble Bler. Fumble Bler, you just fell down and you'vebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleble like in a very small way that, I just remember like, this guy with my buddy in college Morgan was like, I bet you can't walk along this edge of the sidewalk and it was barely above the ground.

And I was like, this what the fuck are you? But he was psyching me out. He's like, yeah, you're awkward, you're too awkward. You couldn't do that. And I'm like, I fucking got this halfway down. I'm like,

I'm fucking lost it. But I think I could stand on one leg for an hour and a half if I have to, until somebody goes, dude, stand on one leg, and then I'm like, yeah. Yeah! I don't know, body doesn't work at all. It's crazy, it's crazy.

I've fallen down unnecessarily just because I've caught my own head. You've been tripped up by your own head. You're like, fuck fuck it don't fall Everyone will see you right now. You guys want to compete right now on feats of balance Let's do it. I want DJ Luda try. Did you do you probably got sick balance? Oh my god, he's like drunken monkey. It's like his karate style. You can't fucking knock him down What's I do, but I can also get the shakes and rock and fuck thing up. You get, well you drank today, you're fine.

DT's don't work like that. I have a shake, not alcohol and shake. I see a pistols, I think a pistols the way to tell. Pistols tough. Pistols you put your leg out straight and then lower down on one leg. You can do that. You can put your leg out straight and lower down on one leg. My leg probably isn't out that straight, but I can do that a whole talking about are you talking about like this is like holding your leg out out front?

Yeah, yep, and then going down all the way down and all the way up But like how how far is down down, dude? Down down like down to the ground. I don't have the sound down and honey. We're going down swinging Down down down down down honey. We're going down swinging. I know have enough balance to it Now you do I can't that's about as far down as I can go now dude. You're perfect. You know all the way down I keep on way down dude. What are you gonna fucking leg straights you guys? Sink it dude. You should do it. Yeah, let me see if I can do it. I kind of want to know what leg straight You got going on here also so much to be back in studio doing physical traits

You got going on here also so much to be back in studio doing physical trades Man, we're both just realizing we are over the age of 35 Hold your leg to your knee or something shut the fuck up. Yeah, you think you know what? I have balance She can't do it. No, I can't nerd Hold it in your knee I don't know how you know it's 311. Yeah, they suck dick Remember when I did the bonfire from out there and they're performing in the other room Yeah, and I loved them when I was in high school believe you that lead singer is a club on

Yeah, he didn't like yeah, you told us there was that asshole. Whoa peanut school though. He was nice shout out He was nice shot out He was I had this album you shouldn't know middle school man loved 311 middle school and early high school man Did you have a sticker now? Now you didn't put it on your board need to put it on your board. I'm going to get a I'm on your hoodie. I'd be a max bike.

I was in San Diego this week. By the way, shout out to San Diego American Comedy Club. I'll see you soon. Me and Mike Racine will see you soon. You going to Mark Racine? Yeah. Now, that club just fucking rules. They just take care of you good.

They look big bond fire fans down there. Skanks, it was such a great weekend. But the point, oh, there's a style down there. I walked around the they like a street fare Yeah, kind of thing going to block over. It's nice when that happens when you're by your hotel I think it's all summer long. It's just people selling like crystals and a bunch of stupid cally horseshit You know, I mean like the same old like yeah bracelets on everything moon rocks on them and shit drug rug Hoodies horse shit, which I bought but Well, they had that I would have bought if they had ones that fit me

They definitely don't but a style down there now, and I believe this is very Mexican influence down there because Mexico splat America in general Keeps heavy metal alive. Yes, they really do so So now believe it or not, they keep heavy metal alive. I remember seeing, fucking like, nine years ago, seeing a vise article about heavy metal in Mexico City and like the fucking big deal it is. Huge.

Just all South America, the whole thing. They just love it still. And so the new thing is like checkered like plaid shirts, like button down shirts, but the back. So it'll be like, you know, regular red and whatever blue white kind of like checkery. Flannel shirt. Are you talking like a flannel like a brownie man?

Flannel's the wrong word. No, because not flannel just like a button down. But a checker pattern button. Pattern button down. Sure. And on the back. Yeah. But it's the plaid pattern. And on the back yeah, but it's the plaid pattern

And on the back just it's black with like a band so like iron made and like an iron made and so it's like metal formal Yeah, I liked them. Yeah, it's a new thing. Do they wear a button down? Yeah, and on the back is like just your favorite band It just looks like a cool way on it looks like a nice button-down sort of. That's very like social distortion kind of energy. It's awesome. I thought they look great. Is this the yeah, sort of? Yeah, sort of. Yeah, that with the ACDC one is much more indicative of what I'm talking about. No, no, no, yeah. Oh, yeah. The one. ACDC, right? ACDC. No, over. Yeah, there it is. Yeah, though. How cool is that? That is cool. The one with the Okay, I like the Rolling Stones one and the AC DC. All right. Man, they're gonna start selling those in American apparel for fucking seven days. There's a Guns and Rose one. Yeah, I think I saw like one just like that. And they had him for sale. That's gonna be a story soon for very expensive. Look at the hood one, I think it's awesome.

Yeah, do it, get on it now. Get on it right now. Me? Yeah. I'm not kidding them. Why not? Figuring out my size and the whole thing and then being let down when it shows up

and it's short or whatever, it doesn't cover my tits. Closed in or my nightmare? I don't know if I mentioned that, ever. What if I told you that your boy spent a weekend learning how to tailor. What? Let's get some fabric.

Seem sure so. Let's get some patches, and let's do you ups in the realm. Let's get this done right. Let's get you to the ball. It is cool looking though. You like those, Christine? Mm-hmm.

I like my new... I've seen them before. I like them. What? I feel like I've seen them before I'm not sure how new they are it's like they take an old t-shirt and sewed on the back of a flannel your chola I'm gonna do my favorite which is I'm gonna do patches on O.P. shorts of just bar rock Oh, yeah, yeah, and then I'm also gonna do pajamas with my favorite blues musicians. I don't mind that Yeah, BB King

Yeah, I think with that second from the right all the way up top all the way up top not to do with the bands No, no second from the left. I'm sorry Click that right there now. I'd be a okay if this started coming back in the play Just like a wacky flanna with a hood Not I'm not against that I tried going I tried getting a waffle shirt I did it to the one I bought was too big. I can't wait to shoot over it. I tried getting a waffle shirt. And the one I bought was too big. I can't wait to t-shirt over it.

I did it two years. I had like a black and gray plaid that had that on there. Nice to make a joke how I looked like I was leasing or a four-none blonde. But that was my jacket basically. Thank you, Jacob. Different color patterns.

No, I like that as I'm saying, but it's just. Nah, ain't me. I say you get into that. Get your San Diego look going. Yeah, I like those though. Flannels with hoodies. I do like a little flannel as like a jacket basically. Yeah. Yeah, look man, everything I like is rugged. Yeah. Well, you want, do you want the ones with the insulation that like padding? No, yes, I know okay, so depends on how it looks on my tits

How long do we have until the white supremacist jacket is able to be purchased again by it is By old honky like myself it already is You think we're past it. Oh, you better hope so I think Nate Bargazzy lives a life in those now No, he wears golf you're right. No, he does golf. Who's wearing a bot? No, do bomber Jack. It's back in a big way. It's fine. It's not white supremacist anymore. I'm gone It's back. I'll tell you when right when black people started wearing it. Yeah Good job. I know. Yeah. Thank you black. Thank you black people. Thank you black Lou I want our bomber jacket again Now I will say if you get the one that's an army green with the object inside

Yeah, still says you might be trying to take that back for the white man. So I see if you're going to get one get a black bomber jacket, although that's walking the line to. Can I ask what about NASCAR jackets? Black people start wearing them. Time they did back in like black people started wearing them like oh seven, but I feel like a 2021 white dudes can maybe start pulling off a fucking M&M. No, I will say blue.

Yeah, I was going to say dude, if I see you with a home depot slash fucking Reese's pieces jacket, I'd not get it like that. You wouldn't like that? I won't like that on you. Jacob, you're way on board with this idea. I could, for you, I think you could pull it off. What about you? Oh, real great.

So everyone's supposed to answer my ideas. I think I can get ready to do it. I say I'm gonna come in and get my, a food put taking out and get a fat ass in surgery. You guys all come down on me. But get ready, Tempe to see me in a Penzoil jacket, bright yellow. Get ready, fucking poor man.

I'm not gonna head get it this weekend. So Charlotte, you're still gonna get flat ass, Jay. But guess what Portland, you're getting a dump around you with abs and a low hanging wiener. Portland, bring your longest dicks because you're gonna need him to get through this meat. Every night I'm gonna wear a different jacket. I'm gonna wear a penzoil.

I'm gonna wear a home depot. I'm gonna wear an Oreo. Is penzoil, what's your- I'll talk about- No, penzoil. Yeah, that's why I said it. Yeah. We gotta get that penzoil for Jacob.

Penzoil. And I'll wear an Oreo NASCAR. Do you think a joeyle goner's family that he makes my prey to penzoil every night before dinner? Thank you penzoil for this blessed feast. I bet if you're a fringe family member of Joey Logano You have to buy penzoil if you go to your garage and see like a 40 40 or is this a one? Hey, it's mobile. What's the mobile? What the fuck is mobile? What is this shit? Where's the penzoil? 10 W garbage Fuck this shit? It depends oil 10 W garbage

Fuck this shit I don't know why I name Jay-Z's sports club 40 40 is oil Well 10 W 10 W 40's what you think? 40 40 is you're right. That is just a Jay-Z So fucking club it's the club in New York,? Shit's pop. But I'll tell you this. Tell me you get bottle service there. You don't live the life of your life. Where's the 40, 40 club?

I walked by it recently. That's what I was like. Oh, it's right here. Westside, right? Yeah. Yeah. No, it's on park. It that's, no, Christine's wrong.

I don't know. I think it's on the west side. So west 25th Street. Westside. Damn, you know, did you go, uh, no, do you have, I think I did a comedy thing there once, but it was a fucking, isn't that where the thing was, Christine, did you go with me to that? Where I was interviewed by a puppet.

No. Oh, yeah, which puppet? Not one you'd know. Ah, you don't want to know an unknown puppet. You want to try up the insult to comic dog or, yeah, and they go, you'll get used to know an unknown puppet. You want to try and insult the comic dog, or... Yeah. And they go, you'll get used to it being a puppet after a while, like, nah, I won't. It's not 25th and 5th.

25th and 5th. That's the West side at all. I'm not walking by it. Well, it's a second, it's West of 5th. Oh! Oh! It's technically last. Oh, James's got got.

James got got. James's got got what you're saying. Oh, I don't Man, did you find gay cholos because that's something you came back from San Diego telling us about I found a couple but there is gay cholo porn But yeah, well, I mean that's oh my god Home is where your heart is You are my homes. That's pretty great. Let's go steal something you've already stole my hard essay. Oh these are good Who told you about any just campers and no no Gordon the guy who was hosting he works at the club to

American comedy company. Yeah, he has a joke about gay cholo's and I was like is that a real subcultures? I can't look it up What a great thing to say when you when you someone's like is that real? I'm like Google it yourself. You weirdo. Yeah, it's very it's got to be odd bring up the porn for Dan though not me Please I don't care about this. I need I need visual representation. It's how I Understand just dick. Oh man. It is that is though the one on the right is Yeah, that's the one that's the one when they have the gauged earrings Oh dude, all right don't want to get down to business It's just a giant Jesus

Damn the guy's got a big dick gay dudes live in fifth gear all the time Oh Always in fifth gear Christine maybe a little backstory before we jump right into it my god Submit my butt. Oh now. Well, I wacky man My god Suck my butt hold now while I wacky Man just imagine two dudes kicking the shit out of you and then fucking over you yeah Just getting blowjob spit on my butt suck my butt over our victims. Yeah, check out these fucking way Oh, I just knocked out suck my damn dude. He's like all right, man My fucking guy seems uncomfortable. He's really going for for it Yeah, also to keep the Cowboys hat

Hey We going I think our line's pretty good Oh, look where he's from California No, it's not a fuck California West Coast No, it's how to buy that fuck We Coast knows how to fuck we're good. That's enough. I'd say skip ahead. Yeah

Where does a cholo come on another cholo So I guess it's gonna be right on his fucking Mexican back. Sorry, bud. Oh Oh, oh, oh, Dan. Oh, I'm good nose face hat I won't get dude if you get someone's hat. I'd be mad. They got on his hat It ain't bro my snap back. What the fuck bro? Came on my fucking cowboys have you got seeming to look for my snap back. What the fuck bro? Hey fucker I'm trying to think of what would you I hit me in the face. Oh my god. I'm trying to know it's enough I would come already

I'm trying to think of what my dude's enough. I'm trying to name already. I'm trying to think of what my dude reaction after gay sex would be, where I'd be like, whatever dude thing I would do after I fucked another dude. Oh, not me, I'd be like, damn daddy, that was so much come. I mean, you hungry? Damn.

Fucking starving. Yeah, it's slap his ass. Yeah. Get a fuck me out, dude. Yeah, yeah, that kind of conversation Because with a woman you're usually like sensitive and you're like, hey, are you how you doing? You go, oh shit, that was a lot of fun. Oh, shit was a lot of fun. Oh, damn tiger. You fucking made me Pop, huh? That kind of like, dude, push your head on my chest while it just comes settle in my asshole. Holy wet noodle dude

I didn't think you're gonna get me going My god dude, I'd numb up you were fucking my asshole hard back there god. Did you watch the finale Rick and Morty? Not just a joke and it reminds me of this moment. I don't know man. Yeah, it's fun anyway, dude I'm gonna go fart this come into the bowl. Oh dude, please want to bring back anything you got tenets as I don't fart come I think I got a loaded warm coming you think there's gonna be Duke in this or no because I'm gonna go inside and lay a fully baked potato Hey, huh, huh, yes, come there was shit in there. Oh my god, dude seriously, dude, dude seriously dude dude dude dude dude dude. That's what it is dude come look at this Braum up. Do do do do do do do before you play PlayStation We're gonna play station come here look at that turtle hold on. I'm gonna sit up look at that little

Come in poop. That's come and do what a swirl. I love it when a guy compliments my vibe I know you do. It's always been your thing. How's the flights dude? So now I'm gonna slap the whole way both ways. Uncomfortable. I'll tell you this about first class and it's let's call it fucking privilege problems whatever the fuck you want to say. Yeah okay. The best first class seat on an airplane. The best that you pay so much for to be as comfortable as possible would be the shittiest chair at your junkie friend's house. I mean, they're also in the sky.

It can be done better. You think you think lazy boy needs to team up with Delta? I think they do. I don't think why not? That's a pairing. That's a match made in heaven. Why not? You're still in a janky air.

I sit in first class times and the things broken, the recline, where you know I'm talking I would always recline, like you can't do anything. It's just where you're laid back, chill. As soon as you put your back against the thing, it starts reclining because the things broken, the recline, so. That's when I was in the fight.

And then they get bitchy at me, which I fucking hate. I told the flight attendant I go check it, and then she does it and I go This is how I live yeah always laid back roll wants me to be laid back. Sorry. You go push the button Sorry push it my number lifting your arms. Yeah, I know my money money on my mind. Give me some give me some kiss me Go get a taste kiss me fool I buddy no one's ever I know buddy has ever fucked a flight attendant on board a flight. Yes they have. Poled her.

Yes. 100% that's happened. Poled her from the- from the flight. Yeah, 100% that's happened. Me being the bathroom. A guy has done that. You're getting- you have to be covered by the other crew members? For that to happen?

They gotta pick up your work while you go get dicked down. Yeah, dude. But if it's an over- international flight and you're looking at like a fucking Seven or eight hour flight longer They're probably like why don't you go get yours and then why don't you go do snack service and coach not one person this listening audience is fucked On the flight on the flight on the flight. I would say someone that listens to this episode has Someone right now is going to I did and I know it doesn't sound I'm going to watch out of my eyes

Oh man, I was up in the sky just porken away. Yeah, I went in the 30,000 mile Yeah, I mean I bet a lot of guys have pulled flight attendants from being on the flight But then I bet yeah that someone has fucked a flight attendant on board. From what I understand, from a friend of ours who became a flight attendant for a while, not her, but the older, the ten-year stewardesses? Yeah. Or fucking the pilots, all. Yeah, dude.

That's why they accept such little money's positive. That's what I always like to- That's why I like to imagine when I'm getting on the Delta flight. She's like, how are you doing? I go how's captain? Now this is something I can get behind flight attendants offering sexual services to all for in sexual now I'm not gonna bring it up and get rejected, but if you come up to me and you go Like $250 you suck your dick at the bathroom. I go. I'll take a dick suck in the bathroom for 50 bucks I was gonna spend 25 on internet? Can I tell you why I'd immediately blow that?

Cause I always sleep like this on a plane. You're gonna hat down and a full of my arms. I sleep like this. And I know I'd be on the end, they go, sir, sir, I can play with your dick for $15 and I go, I'm okay. And then I just go right back. Oh no, if they wake me up,

if they wake me up in the middle To offer me the service. I'll be furious. Don't stop the flow of sleep. I'll suck your dick right now If I can sleep the whole way, I'll sleep in the whole way But if right on take if you go like this if before we take off you come over and you go Hey, when we when we hit cruising altitude you want me to suck your dick at the base of the month? Just let you know once internet's available So are face fuckings in the bathroom for $65 you go. I'll stay awake for that. Yeah, I go and how do I get on the internet? Yeah, yeah

Scotty cookies you guys have those god. I love those biscotti. Do you guys think it's what gov it? Did you know I still was a biscotti anyway, and you know what? I'll take a face fucking yeah, I'll take that BJ Oh, I still want to piss cut it. Alright, you know what? I'll take a face fucking. Yeah, I'll take that B.J. He's in the bathroom. Oh, God.

Oh, God's talking here. Oh, thanks. Now I'm going to go watch three episodes of Barry. Well, we can tell you land. He was in there playing going by. Whoa, whoa, that must have skimmed the building. Oh, is that in the fucking... Guys, not so close to 9-11, that's scary.

He came to the tower. Oh, is that in the fucking guys? Not so close to 9-11, that's scary. Came through the tower. Okay. Let it come. Oh, horsey. He got sent home, by the way. I think I told you that, but I don't know. Did I say that in real time last week? What?

Michael Winslow. Oh, you texted me. I texted you. He's gone. You said he lost to a martial artist. He lost to the martial arts team, which is fair. It came down to him and the martial arts team and the judges had to do that.

The last person to get picked on these shows, the judges pick. Okay. Like it comes down, they go, these are the bottom three. I don't know, it's how the Simon and some boxes are rocked. So what do you say? I think five people make it an episode right now. And so how they do it is, they show you

like the audience picks three. Then there's three that are fourth, fifth and sixth place that they know. So one of them's out. So what happens is sixth place gets a chance to be saved by the judges. So then they the audience that night votes and puts one of those people through and then it's left with two two acts and then the judges have to pick yeah out of the who who does that and then they uh they did that and it came down to Winslow versus the karate team and everybody picked the karate team a hundred percent just didn't start up that whole second of cars and I started oh wait there that decent okay so depressing tell me it's still not magic tell me it's still not magical oh he gets sent on his way finally Gina Breone though move forward hey congratulations to Gina Josh Blue performs tonight all right so he can

move forward wait get comics up for the comics I'd be nice have two comics in the finals I never happens. Yeah, good luck to Josh. Yeah, Josh and Gina and Gina. Gina already made it. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, she's in the finals damn. She's in the finals. Yeah, that'll help. So that's good. She cried a lot. Would you? No, what would you do? Would you just hug Christine and then try to hydrate? I just know me. I know me.

Here's what I do. I would go. I was just going to say the awkward smile. As they're all cheering, I go. The half smile. The white guy half smile. When I walk on stage sometime again, because of the raucous nature of excitement

that Lewis puts in people with his energy. and I come out on stage at the show, I love it. It's touching, moving and everything at once. When they go nuts when I come on stage, where it's like you can't talk for like 30 seconds because they're just like still going nuts and cheering and standing up and stuff like that. My face is still, I'm almost doing like the,

no, it's, we don't need that. I realize that. So now everybody, before I tape the H.G. I realized that before the H.G. I special but I love it my my walk on stage energy was shit I was going like yeah I think I'm a nervous part of my walk on stage I go thank you I tried to just I go I go what the fuck is up San Diego I always am looking at the mic stand going hello. Hello. Oh, hey, thank you. I Thank you everyone. Thank you. Let's be cool about this. Oh, okay. Thank you. Okay Terrific. Let's start. Okay. Thank you. I've never understood. I've never understood I mean, I guess it it helps because it makes people excited for the show that like the

Come on come on and then you go out there and you're like you know my energy is way lower than this like I'm not coming out being like I'm gonna talk about politics What's the thing about what really is going on in Washington? I can't find a PlayStation controller. Yeah, Lewis goes out and fucking like you you know, he does like high fives with all the audience. He spits, we spits war all these things and I'm like, I'll never get to you. Yeah, come on, but I've never understood that. Just the way I do comedy, I've never understood that.

And I've never understood people that get very drunk before a comedy show because it's like you have to go sit in a dark. Oh, to watch it, you mean? Yeah, bizarre. To me, I've never, I told you when Fuji I got hammered and you saw me at laughs when I first started and then they came out to the bar And they're like your friends sleeping on the table. I was like son of a bitch And he just had his arms down on the table

Was asleep during the headliner's sat and I was like shit. Why so did I brought that girl? I got used to get fucking hammer at the region, right? And oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no. This was a I took her to Florida to a gig or something. Yes, the flutus. Yes, and she got fucking hammer and then when I got off stage She was drunk when I went on stage when I got off I was like so they go dude you might want to grab your girl. I go what do you mean she goes? She has her dress up in the green room. She's passed down the couch and no panting.

And she just hit her pussy out, laying on the couch. And everyone was like, and they're just like, look, and I was like, I would have loved to get the footage of the server coming in being like, OK, so the wings, all right. They're putting the ranch down and being like, so if there's it, you know, talking to her, like, she's still a person. Not a drunk, because shambles passed out mess being like, so if there's a, you know, talking to her, like she's still a person, not a drunk, Shambles pass out mess being like, I'll just leave this over here. If you want anything else, just tell Eric or me, we'll be right outside. And that was what I said, we went back to the room and she kept starting and playing with herself under the covers.

And I'll go, are you playing with yourself? And she's like no shut up. It's also leave me alone and then it would just be still and then you just are feeling the bed going like Yo, you're whacking off so weird something you want all the time when you're when you're a young man When you're like a teenage boy and in your early 20s There's this idea that fucking an info maniac will be awesome. man, when you're like a teenage boy and in your early 20s, there's this idea that fucking an info maniac will be awesome, where you'll be like, you get enough, I'm gonna fuck her all night long,

and that's all he should do. She just wants his dick, and then you come up against that, a woman that actually is like that, and it is such a burden that you're like. How she wants to do is fuck fuck fuck. But when they're just like, I'm just getting drunk, I remember this one girl that I hung out with in Arizona, she was just like hammered and she was like,

we were just drunk and then it was done and she's like, I want to get in and you're like, no. Don't you want pizza? Watch TV? What a fuck, immediately again? Whoa, yeah. And I think there's like, I don't know, TV fuck immediately again And I think there's like I don't know Maybe I'm just a you know an unsexual man, but I feel like once after once or twice you're like, yeah Let's be people. Why are we being horny all the time man fucking

When you're like genuinely I'm gonna talk about you came first and then you're like, but that's still fuck you, still be the mood after you come. Sure. But when you're just like, you're almost like, at my legs are done, like, I want to get a bit more, I want to do that. And they're still like, she's a little more plea. And you're like, have you ever, have you ever, uh, eight pussy soft because you had to? That's what I remember like dated. I just for some reason I came and I had talked big shit that night of being like, you're gonna fucking calm tonight.

And then I was like, I got all excited. And then we were laying there and I could tell she was upset because you know, we're like laying to bed and I was like, what's up. And she was like, I don't know. You just like told me we were gonna calm in it and calm. And you're like, all right. It's dropped down. And you're like, I'm definitely getting, I'm coming in and coming, you're like, all right. It's dropped down and you're like,

I'm definitely getting, but then I got into it, but at first it was that first of like, I'm definitely getting, I'll go check the lights downstairs. It was a total, did you lock the garage moment? Did you lock the garage, and I'm, yeah. I'm definitely getting Michael Douglas cancer because my insecurity says like, pussy eating to coming.

You, oh, it has to happen before dick gets anywhere near pussy. And then if you come from fucking, that's, yeah, that's just extra cheese on the taco. Great. But you came, but you came. You leave, you're like a good restaurant. You're gonna leave full. You might not have a new favorite dish,

but you're gonna leave full. I don't know if you're gonna come back. Yeah, but you know what? But you would be grateful. No bad yell per view. That's for sure. I got that, it's home cooked meal right there. Because women must have to suck dick food.

Best I ever had? No. I can't imagine all the begrudgingly given blow jobs of just like, all right, put your little weird meat noodle in my mouth. Oh. And then you're like, oh fuck, I'm such a stud. The guys getting their dick sucked

through the confidence you get, you're like, oh my god. I wish I had a big enough dick to do like sensual things with my dick though. That's always a great, so when you see guys in the pool and they're fucking in there, like they're like stroking it

before the girls start sucking it. Just huge big dick. Oh yeah, that's the worst. Yeah, or just like that, where you just like really squeeze it, you have a lot big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big If I cockslap you my nuts are touching your face. I'm telling you, you better have a spotter because I'm right over you. But the older you get, I've learned that I don't care about that much. As much as now I'm interested with,

like I'm not jealous of dudes with giant dicks that can slap it on girls faces. I'm jealous of dudes who can wear t-shirts and none of their body, you know, they look good in a t-shirt and you're like, I don't get you. Look at you, like, oh you look at you king. You move it. Well the male model came back to basketball today speaking. Uh, Diddy. And him and Dylan snip each other out again.

I love handsome dude sniffing each other out. That would be a reality show when we start almost going to do it again. When we start our network with Kyla and Beezer trapping pedophiles, we also will have to do a show of just handsome boy butt sniffing. Oh yeah. So I was. They were snowing each other. I was making everyone laugh. By the way, I'm glad you brought that up. I spoke to Beezer this weekend because I spoke to Christine and talking to her, even she including herself, she thought this was all a bunch of yappy chat talk, like funny idea for the show. Saturday night. Dude, I talked to the bees in this weekend.

Yeah, we're gonna. I think it's great. I think it's great idea. I would love to hire somebody to lead the ship. What do you mean? Like, like we need to get like Becky, or like somebody that were Becky Asman, or like somebody that we can, you know, will be like, all right, I'll get this person, I got this person able to be like, and then me and you are like, hey you and Jay are going to sit down and

do the chats. We got, you know what I mean? I want it to be streamline. Becky Rodriguez. Oh, yeah, be right. Should be doing our decoying. And then me and you get to feed the line. So the chat logs are hilarious.

I mean, the chat logs are hilarious. I mean, the chat logs I'm in horrible, but hilarious. I would imagine me sitting at the keyboard and you and I sitting next to each other writing out the chats. Yes. Where I'm like, daddy, is that what you want to come on my butt? And then we'll film that part, which will be us laughing at the chat. The stuff they're saying, we're getting to say, and then when we aggressively, I've talked to us out with Beeser for 45 minutes.

I don't believe that this wouldn't, I wanted to happen, I've talked to us out with Beesr for 45 minutes. I don't believe that this wouldn't, I wanted to happen, but I wanted to, if it happens, I wanted to be done well. Me too. Buddy, the biggest guys in this don't do them well. And I mean that if there's, sometimes it's just, you can barely hear what they're saying, it's one time they catch you kind of bowing alley, non-stop sound. The bowing is so loud, you can barely hear what they're saying is one time they catch you kind of bowing alley non-stop

Santa the bowing is so loud you can't hearly we saying it all Sacramento that's sacram that's sacrilegious Dude, it's Sacramento if they're on a busy outside street like he talks over airplanes. They've sometimes they have But it's funny to go hold for planes Music playing in the background the places they're at sometimes like all this and they go in there. No, we need a boom like Yes, and then everyone emerging. I talked to bees are about the things we make them do first of all you're exposing pedophile so fuck them You get this stuff over to the police afterwards. They can think of press charges They will if not you fuck this guy's life up, and I'm not worried about that good fuck him He's a pedophile. You know what I mean? If he's trying to,

but listen. Then you start getting into morality of like, was this guy abused? Why is he a pedophile? Why, you know, you're just gonna fuck him. I'm still gonna ruin a kid's life. He was about to do it. Sure.

You're right, you're right. You can't just do it. I know it's hard, I get what you're saying completely, but at the same time, you gotta remind you, because when you're in a video, you're like, look at this sad loser,

it goes, still doesn't make it okay to agree to fuck a kid. Even if a kid asks you, you're fucking up a kid's life. So I don't disagree with that. However, the things you make them do, you know what, a guy makes them like jog and do pushups and stuff. I said, we gotta make it filly things

like a roof your cell phones, a funny one. A-ha-ha-ha. Throw your shoes up on the lines. Great. On the, you know On the telephone lines. Go get me a power red. I like a Crush 5, Wawaho, Yeez and Arole, like in front of us, you just go down.

Just make him do Y-Trash it. Get me a scratch off. You get me a scratch, yeah, dude, that's great. And then I said I went in the back and they always have a peanut gallery with them of other people filming to make sure it's all safe and shit. Yeah. And while they're filming, they're always going like,

they're like disgusting, man. Fucking creep predator, but going on and I go in the background, I wanna hear all that stuff and goes, you're a fucking creep, dude. Fuck you, piece of shit. Go birds. Go for it, go for it.

Go cuz you're kid on the mouth, you'll weirdo. Yeah, why don't you fucking take Ben Simmons and get out of my neighborhood? Go birds. Also, Kyla and Six confronting them will be very funny. It's going to be great. Well, you're fucking gross. Well, I'm going to do you're fucking gross

Well, then we'll also do model butt sniff Mail model butt sniff. Oh, yeah, we can also do mail model bus. I don't know what's your problem, bro I don't know the way you toss your hair sometimes when doing him first got there They were I mean sitting on the bench like oh, but I'm gonna make the joke. I'm like look there's sniffing each other They're and they're showing pictures and each other's phones of some stuff or whatever. And then by five minutes into the actual game, the model guy was like, you know, push me again, bro, push me again, the Dylan Dylan's like, what? He's like, it's all my boys are here.

So he's like, and then the model came, did go all Karen on it. I want to see goes. He goes, yeah, you're gonna fucking jump me or something. He goes, you don't even live here. Do you not really supposed to be allowed in here? And it's like, all right, can't. Boop, boop, you hot pussy, boop. God, you're jaw structures.

I believe we'll be here. Fuck you, dude. Fuck you in your perfect bone structure. The way the shirt just hangs off of you, like a fucking clue. Nah, yeah, hang on. He's a fruit for sure. He's ass cheeks. Yeah, but his ass cheeks are fucking nice probably

He also burdened us that he had to work I won't put it like I'll play one more game guys, but I get to work I have to upload these thing I keep telling my boss to like I Upload these videos or that I'm at the doctor, but I gotta go. We're like, okay So we played the next game and at the end he was like guys I gotta go I got it and he's like ran out and it's like no one stopped you could have left and any given time I'm gonna left while you you making this all our thing? No one gives a shit hot boy problems, but like we already know was like. Yeah, man. No was like, oh, you can't hang in there for another.

No, get naked as soon as you left everyone's like, dude, that guy sucks. Yeah, his roommates are really nice. I think Dylan was like, he's hot. Yeah, he's hot. He's pretty hot. I'd like to see him walk a runway. I don't think he could pivot like I can. It was pretty funny, but yeah, hot boy. Hot boy, butt, sniff, it's... Hot boy. You've been listening to SiriusXM's bonfire.

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