The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Assistant DJ? (w/ Pete Correale & Tracey Carnazzo)

Episode Date: March 9, 2020

In defense of Grape Nuts, Jacob goes head to head with Jay and Dan over his favorite cereal. Pete Correale discusses getting high before a show and the weirdness of driving home alone right after one. Turns out DJ Lou is actually DJ Assistant & Tracey Carnazzo talks about falling in love and leaving NYC for the hills of West Virginia

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Campers, hey it's Black Blue. Welcome to the Bond Fire's Best of the Week. On Monday's show, things got tense in the studio as Jacob defended Grape Nuts cereal against a full-on assault from Jay and Dan. I had a sleepover incident where I just, I'd never heard a grape nuts, didn't know what they were, sleeping over at a friend's house, saw grape nuts. I was like, this is gonna be, so I can't miss. I think the friendship ended shortly after that. Yeah, of course it should have.

How do you- Just keep it having me concrete. How do you absorb all the milk? You don't get any softer. You don't get one push out. No, you don't. No, you don't. It does.

You're talking to a guy who eats it in the morning, like that's my breakfast, I love it. Was some fruit in it? No. It's raw. You just raw dog grape nut? Sugar? No, I put almond milk.

I like almond milk. Wait, so it's just a little sugar maybe? No sugar, what? I'm not putting sugar in. No, I would. So you just do grape nuts? You know know you put sugar on like cornflakes or do you always do sugary cereals but you put sugar on it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. At the bottom there was like you drink sugar mill. Yeah, just slosh around like sand.

It's like dessert. Huh? Well then why was it eating in the morning asshole? Yeah. Why were cocoa puffs made for before school? Is it dessert? Well why the fuck am that eating in the morning asshole? Yeah. Why were Coco Puffs made for before school? Is it dessert? Well, why the fuck am I eating in the morning? Great nuts. You can eat bark if you can eat great nuts. It's like, he's right. No.

Here's the thing. I've always enjoyed all the sugary cereals for sure. If you're like, what's your favorite cereal? All the peanut butter captain crunch I love, which is pretty white garbage, but I love peanut butter captain. I went through a lot of cereals. It's probably my favorite thing of peanut butter is peanut butter captain crunch.

If you're saying gun to the head, one cereal, I know this isn't gonna be that exciting, cocoa crispies. That's odd because what I would say, actually my favorite cereal, if you're going by taste, it's probably cocoa crispies Yeah, I'm not cocoa crispy's cocoa pebbles cocoa pebbles. I can do pebbles or or The rice crispies too light to make it my favorite. I like the density of the density of where we're back again

Talking we always sometimes it's funny because we'll just come in and just immediately goes to well first off We have a whole table of sugar in front of us. So that's how this went down. But great nuts. That's good. Did you eat grape nuts as a child? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, I, did your dad not love you? I had other cereals, but you know, as an adult I only had, I switched to just grape nuts. I always like grape nuts. If you leave it, let it sit for two minutes as it gets softer. I, why would I have to walk away from a bowl of cereal? I'm telling you to fix the- But wait, let me say to you Jacob, I'm a person who, my actual favorite cereal is, I can do like

like total with like blueberries in it, you know, like put my own fruit- I swear to you. Sassy mom. I grew up like, I'm saying I grew up eating a lot of cereal more like that. Sure. With my grandmother, you know, like it was like healthier cereals and put fruit in it and sweeten low. But yeah, I grew up having like, so that's my cereal and great nuts is just horrible. It is a punishment cereal.

Shredded wheat is also for, you gotta be a fucking monster. Do the tears. So what are you, are you angry? Are you done something wrong? I would say, I say if your husband starts eating shredded wheat he's cheating on you that's the way he gets himself back every morning comes home and he has to eat a mouthful of muck I think we should scrub the crime out of his mouth I think we should feed it to uh terrorist prisoners that's how you get him to talk Jacob I think you stop doing that to

yourself it's not torture to me I enjoy it you've made yourself think you enjoy doing that to yourself. It's not torture to me, I enjoy it. You've made yourself think you enjoy it, but you don't. What should I eat? Total raisin, bro. All right, I'll try. Sugar smash. And I've actually never had that. Total raisin, bro.

Delicious. Okay. I have no sugar to nothing. Coco puffs. Don't listen to Dan. Dan's trying to lead you on a dark path. Jacob. I like brand flakes. Jacob.

Also. Cookie creaks. Just get brand flakes. Take a handful of your own raisins throw them in there. Jacob. Yeah. Maybe some blueberries. I'll try.

Cause some fresh blueberries. Super fluid, yeah. I have no idea of the raisins. How about this, Jacob? I bet you should get raisins and blueberries, dude. It's not crazy. No. Jacob, fuck all that shit. Have a shake of reasons and blueberries dude. It's not crazy Jacob fuck all that shit

Mix captain crunch peanut butter Oh my god, by the way Reese is already But it's not the same. I know I would enjoy every cereal you're talking about I've had them But What condition you did I think some did you can't do two can't say I'm do something Yeah, yeah, you get raped by the lucky charm Let's snap crackle and pop took their turns on me like a thumb cushion. There's one there's one charming told me he forgot The starfish Jacob your great and chocolate starfish

Follow your nose. Tell anyone and I'll kill you, kid. You want to suck two cans of ham's dick? Yeah. I met him. Had him all. He was there for us, aren't our graphs. All right, tricks are for gaze.

Pete Corey Ellie stopped by the studio on Tuesday and had a great conversation with the bonfire hosts about getting high before a show and the weird quiet of driving home right after a set. Why do I have to drive home on a gig and get back to my bed? If it's in within five hours, I'll drive home. Oh, five hours without a doubt. That's practically home.

That's practically home. But yeah, I'll do, yes, like, Seer cues, I always go home Saturday night after the last show for sure. And even like that, like, yeah, I think five hours in below. But if you're driving yourself, it messes up the vibe of my show. Like if I know I'm going to go back to the hotel,

I still like to have a few pops, you know, so some beers and stuff, you know. But if I'm driving home, you know, you're getting a sterile show because I got a five-hour drive at the show. And it's the epic, the second show I could hit you with a punch line in my head. I'm like, oh, I'm going to be on a road in 25 minutes. Dude, that's so funny. And that's bad, though, head. I'm like I'm gonna be on a road in 25 minutes. It's so funny And that's bad though, right?

I'm supposed to be so committed. Just traveling peak or alien energy. I'm I don't know this Not giving them your all because you got a four-hour drive Yeah, I'm gonna save some for the road folks. That's absolutely to but do you smoke weed before you go on stage? Yeah, of course. Yeah, so that doesn't do it. See for me That's all I need alcohol's never been my course, yeah. So that doesn't do it. See, for me, that's all I need. Alcohol's never been my fuel for stage.

So weed would be the problem. I'll tell you what was hilarious. This Friday at the stand, just by the time I got to my first show, whatever, I just forgot to smoke weed before I went on stage the first time and realized it right before I went on stage. And it definitely affected my set. I felt like at a little out of sorts. Do you feel tight? Not. Yes. I was like,

I, I, we use when I go on stage, the first thing I say or two things, if it doesn't get like a big pop, cause it's usually just something in the moment of what's happening. It doesn't get a pop. I just have that like, oh, I have more of like a, like a knuckle crack like, yeah, here we go. Do let's get this crowds wake them up with some, we'll figure it out know, I mean, yeah, and it's kind of fun to play that game when that happens when I've got Stowe though, it's just like I don't I tell a joke right now This is a weird feeling a one-time I'm too clear so but so driving home still the pot doesn't matter But yeah the booze say if it's funny if it just dulls down your set But I also feel like the last show when you're driving home no matter what your feet are already pointed towards that door

Yeah, why you're doing the show? So you actually have I have to focus to make sure I'm like not chinsing them like an Albany next week I want to make sure I give them like a full-on show and not like wait to see the light and be like in the middle of your set You know middle of your show you're like so then I code my friends house and I go you know guys Middle your show you're like so then I code my friends house and I go you know guys Beautiful I would never do it also there looks like it's a heavy storm moving in around 12 30 so we're gonna fucking wrap this thing up All these also three hours when you get to one word it's like gonna be a CQ's drive by yourself You're like that's always a weird jump to thing I get out of here. It's a weird jump to think that like at one moment You're on stage at a show making people laugh

and then they just fast forward an hour and it's just you silently breathing heavy through your nose driving home. You're like, right. I mean, you take an hour before you're like, BAAA, and you're like, this guy sucks a fucking dick! And like, BAAA, and then he's cut forward and you're like,

BAAA, and then he's cut forward and you're like, BAAA, and then he's cut forward and you're like, BAAA, and then he's like, BAAA, and then he's like, BAAA, and then he's like, I always think about that. I always think about that. I always think about that. I always think dead quiet. I always think about that. I was like, just a change of emotion. Yeah. And it's not what they're expecting. They think you're out somewhere tearing it up.

Yeah. Even like you guys must have played that one. Rick Brunson's in Minneapolis in the world. Yeah, sure. Yeah, we, yeah. So you know how you cut through the mold at the end of the night to get back to your hotel, which is a nice hotel.

I got the problem. Is it a amusement park and it's closed by the time you're done? So you have a late show when you crush it and it's Saturday night and then you're done? So you have a late show when you crush it and it's sad at night and then you're walking through You close that go in? Roll a coaster And you're like, I suck, I suck. What am I?

You go from this high of like, I'm gonna be doing it see you in a suit. No, there's a roller coaster. He's just like a fucking one child shoe. I suck in the trail. what the fuck is going on? I don't know what you guys hotel regiments are like, but that's the whole thing with me. To me, I have that feeling it's me much more when you're like, at this point, we're doing like,

I don't do it. Organized meat and greets really, but I mean, like, you know, we gotta stay and meet people after the show. And I want to stay and meet people after the show, but it's such like an adoration fest, which is sweet and great that is bizarre when later on, you're like, I wonder if we have to show, but it's such like an adoration fest, which is sweet and great. That is bizarre when later on, you're like,

I wonder if they have ice cream at that little shop in the, by the front desk, this hotel. I'm gonna walk down and socks. Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna smoke a cigarette outside and sock. And how many times I've been that, like just, just like a tank top and socks, and like a basketball shirt stand outside,

smoking a cigarette, just looking slavvently with a hat on, and like people that came to show was staying in that hotel. Coming back from the bar. Dude, fantastic tonight, man. Yeah. Uh-huh. She's still, a girl still in her cocktail dress,

and she's like, you're hilarious. You're like, thank you. Yeah, good night, guys. You guys lie, I already got pussy. Yeah. You've made a comment about ice cream like two months ago on a show, and like getting that late night ice cream, you talking about it? Yeah, you already got pussy. Yeah, you've made a comment about ice cream like two months ago on a show And like getting that late night ice cream. We talk about

Yeah, you remember talking about it or they say to each other they go he's having his eyes Fuck you guys fuck you you don't know me I'm fuck you when I the closest I can get back to the excitement of drinking and this will just show you where I'm at in my life is When I bring video games with me on the road like my my PlayStation, all, if I have weed at the end of the night, I'm like, I guess you get to stay up playing video games? Like, there's 12, that's like, I look, yeah, I look back to be like, yes. That's a thing that you're vise.

Yeah, because I mean, it used to be like drinking, you just go out, and then you're like, well, I wonder how shitty tomorrow is gonna be. Yeah, yeah. But now I'm like, when I know there's snacks in the lobby, and I got weed in the setup, and I'm like, when I know there's snacks in the lobby and I got weed in the setup and I'm like, what's fucking? Are you, are you go out after the show when you're in town? No, never, never. My thing is what I like to do, like now I'm writing on another show for Kevin

James out on Long Island and I give myself usually once a week in my hotel room and I'm, I get excited during the day about, I get a six pack of blue moons and then a tall boy because usually I'm after my six moon I want one more beer. Yeah, that's the dangerous way you get back And I got my pet out my weed and I got the you know the TV with no volume on and I'm playing my Neil young and all my old shit You know and it's like yeah, you're your own best company Yeah, I mean man and then and it's just a solo party and that's Only way I like to go out now. It's like DJ Lou or good friend, you know,

other than that. I can't do a small talk with people at bars anymore. It has to be good, it has to be a good time. Yeah, I said I started comedy young enough that I never, I mean, I have like a fistful of bar hangs in my life. Like really just going to a bar and hang uncommony or comedy club related, like never.

I never, like Joe Drozamy have talked about that a lot. He's like, oh, you would never want to just like go to like a corner bar. I'm like, I just been in comedy clubs since I was 19 and just like it seemed like it was a bar and also lead lending to my insecurity. I'm like, and this bar I am, I'm somebody here. Yeah. If we go over to whatever is tavern, like, I might fall into the background. I don't know if I'm a big person. Let me ask you quite like even after this show, right?

I'm looking forward to I'm doing something a little later on. I'm going to find a nice little bar on it on all by myself. Sit down and get a cold. Be it like do you ever do that? No. I miss that. Never done that. You know, it's weird. Really? Is when you think when I think about drinking, I hit what's today? The second on March 7th, it'll be seven years not drinking. I always think the one that doesn't get me is the party. Like do you want to go to a party and drink? No, because I just have to drink just to stay there

because I want to fucking leave. The one that makes me miss drinking is the thought of going into a shitty bar, McCaffery and Birk on 30th Avenue. I look at that every time I get on the train and I'm like, I know where, I know where that fucking slip up is because it's just an old, oaky bar. And I think it was because my dad was a bartender

and I was around that as a kid, but that's like the place where I think of like, if I'm gonna have a fucking beer in a room temperature shot of Jameson. I knew that, I was gonna say that before you said it. You know, it looked like that Gerardo used to be like that. He got a beer and a little something on the shot. I love that.

I did that once because he didn't, he's so freaking cool, you know. Yeah, and well Nate, I used to talk Nate Bargazzy and to do in shots and you'd be like, I don't do shots unless I hang out with you. That's weird, I never fucking got. I don't understand doing it in other way. I guess we're gonna have some drinks. I mean, I get, I I don't do shots unless I hang out with you. I never fucking got to understand doing it any other way. I guess we're gonna have some drinks.

I mean, I get, I just don't like beer that much, but I understand having like the beer with a buddy, like I'm just having a beer. But if we're drinking and it's like, hey, you want to go out drinking and the other person's just doing beers? I'm like, no, I mean, we got to like, some point mix in like vodka, or be a drinker. Yeah, no, listen, a shot here and there is fine. I do shots, but like, I love to belly up, knock back, a ton of beers go out for my one hits,

but I don't like these days. So got the thinned. When guys stop boozing though and they get all fucked up and you can't have a conversation, I'm out, that's nothing to me now. I like to bullshit the combo to laughs. It's so easy. I felt like I was chuckled at the end of my drinking career

where like I was getting fucked up way easier. Back in the day I could absorb a ton of damage. Like we're two sawn days when I first moved here, coming up through the open mic scene, I would just get fucking bombed and be like, I'm fine. And everyone would be like, holy shit. And then by the end it was like I was black and out easier.

I was getting sloppy. Well that's been, I'm done. I'm done. That's somebody who's fun drinks and enjoys it. I mean obviously there's always like, you can go a little too far, like on a given night sometimes, but for the most part,

I was talking about Christina about this yesterday, about like the governing of yourself. Like I just know like last night, when I drank, I had tequila soda at Skanks, and then they brought me a second one, they're doubles. She brought me a second one. I took two sips of the second one, and then when I looked up, you know, it was like

everything was a little bit different than it was the second before and I was like, that's what I'm done. That's it. And I had no problem. But the rest of the show was hilarious and fun. I was just like, yeah, but if I have more, like I said, then I'm just going to have like the, you know, slurring and I don't want to get like that. So I just like stop it where it's fun and I don't need to go.

Do you have like your tipping point where someone goes another beer and you go, no, you go ahead. Do you know I'm good. Yeah. No. I have like one full beer, one pint, what I'm on stage. I love one of my favorite parts of stand that is in between shows to bullshit with comics. I don't care if you're an MC from Kansas. I just I just like it.

I like the bullshit and tell the stories. So and then I'll have, you know, one or two on the second show. But as I get now, I have more and more people coming to see me as I get older. So it's like when I was younger, it's like, whatever, you got your free ticket. You don't even know what I am. I'm having a back. You slide out the back. And it's not on me, you ain't going to be working with me. But now they're like, you know, when they tell you, you know, you know, what is right? Well, we got a hotel room at a weekend out of it. You know, you can't be shit face. So there's a

thing. And I never let anyone I tell them a long time ago, don't let them buy me. Don't even what is right, well we got a hotel room at a weekend out of it, you know, you can't be shit face, you know, so there's a, and I never let anyone, I tell them a long time ago, don't let them buy me, don't even give me, we're not gonna do the fake worst. I'm not doing any that, just say no, no thank you. I'm thinking of me if I wanted to quit drinking and all the meat and greets I've done after shows, and just me hammered like locking heads

with foreheads with a guy, and he's like, who can move you man, you're just in this fucking radio show? Hi, cause I wouldn't, I don't have a guy. Fucking movie man. You're just gonna be this fucking radio show. I wouldn't, I don't have a governor. Jay has a great governor. Jay can like drink. I've watched Jay be like, he gets silly and you're like, oh, I think Jay's drunk.

You know? And if somebody was like, do you want another shot, I go, well no, that's when somebody's like, sick to my stomach. But you were pretty mature. Even when you were young man, you already carried yourself like a guy's been around

a long time. Even when you first came up, you went. You're an guy's been around a long time even when you first came up You went old soul. I'm saying it was though, but not getting fucked up I started smoking weed later in life in my 20s and then also not drinking much because Circumstantially I always drove so I said I was a lot of it. I drank Not heavy with Christine, but like I drank We were drinking at one point probably before she quit drinking, like probably five days a week, we knocked something back. Yeah.

I drank enough that moving to New York was partially sold on me because I could sell my car and not risk a D.U.I. Yeah. That was part of the reason why I was like, well, that's way better than L.A. That's a fucker. Yeah, you're like, I can go get fucked up. And then I came here and I was like, oh, the drinking is,

it's, it's like, if you're an alcoholic and you moved to New York, you're gonna have a very tough time because it's always available. And you can just walk by a bar and just, yeah, man, it's fucking great for drinking hard. When I first started working in the seller, I, one of my favorite stories about Pete was, I was drinking at the bar and you were sitting at the table

and I was like, Pete, do you wanna go smoke a cigarette? And you go, yeah. And so I go back, this is right when I get past the cellar. So I'm fucking scared of everybody. And I'm at the bar having a beer. And then I'm like, waiting and I have the cigarette out and I'm like, duh, duh, sorry, I just go ask him, you know?

So I wanted to go smoke the cigarette and I'm like, nah, just like keep drinking my beer. And I'm like, drink it my beer and I put it down. I'm like, I'll probably go ask him that. And I go over the cigarette and I'm like, I just keep drinking with my beer. And I'm like, drinking with my beer and I put it down. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm asking that. And I go over the table, I go, hey, Pete, how about the cigarette? I'm like, that and you go, all right. I've had camping trips with less planning.

I'm like, that's good. I go, all right. I remember that, we just went outside and smoked and shot the shit, but I remember being like, I just remember sitting at the bar and being like, dude, you're doing a walkover right now? It's a walkover right now, like, cigarette. I'm thinking how I just remember sitting at the bar and being like, man, it's your time to walk over right now. It's your time to walk over right now. Like, sugar it!

I think that's how I fucking said it. Hi, this is Jacob. And Wednesday was a shocker for everyone in the studio. As Jay revealed the secret that DJ Liu has been hiding for years. DJ Liu, I believe it's totally on weekends. He's had gigs. I'm DJing a wedding. Five years, he said this. Maybe a bar, I don't know, like it's totally on weekends he's had gigs DJ a wedding five years he said this

Maybe a bar mitzvah, I don't know like it's like parties. I've done very small poor weddings and bar mitzvahs and Chris ninks you didn't send it like that though. You said I've done these things. Yeah, I believe at one point you said it was for Someone high ranking in the government. We call you DJ Lou. DJ Lou is not you earned that Yes, we thought that you could do exactly what it is you're doing right this moment. Yeah, and then just say a name and personalize it. So I thought it's for Brittany and Michael. So I thought it'd be funny. I know Dan's going to be invited to my sister's wedding.

And I was like, it would be funny. It's just like lose down. We thought about possibly taking the whole crew down and doing like a live from my sister's wedding day, which would be hilarious because DJ Liu, I said, oh, how are you? I'll pay you legally. Jit, you're a wedding DJ to the best of my knowledge. Yeah. Knowing you four days a week forever. Five years. Five years. Uh, hey, remember you said you were a wedding DJ? One away to incorporate two people you love together from different worlds. My sister would think it's so, when I suggested the idea that I, you should have DJ Lou

DJ, she goes, oh my God, would he? I go, I absolutely, if he's available, I'm sure he does, that's his job, he does. So I tell DJ Lou, he goes, man, absolutely, that is great. So a couple of weeks ago, he comes to me, little nervous. Sure. Maybe maybe two weeks ago. And he goes, Hey, with your sisters wedding, like, I don't know. And I'm glad we had this talk because he goes, do you were we were here for this? No. Dan was in here. No, no, but you've told me off air. He goes, listen, the thing is, I'm not actually a DJ. I am more like an apprentice to a DJ. I go, excuse me. Wait, so what do you mean?

You got like, he goes, I'm not actually, the other guy is the DJ. I'm like the apprentice, which I've never even heard of this position. When do you go through the challenge to become an actual DJ? You're a red belt DJ. You must go to scratch mountain and DJ a store

DJ a storm under a canopy only then may you become a true DJ if those 17 year old girls wearing panties and fur boots stop dancing You'll never get your cash. What is your party style? He's like drunken Lou. He's like ah you've trained under the best He's like drunken Lou. He's like, ah, you've trained under the best Wendy's bar mitzvets. He says I'm on the apprentice with full dig into hard This is a pad one. Yeah, he's prospect. He doesn't have the full patch yet. Yeah, he's doing bottom rocker He's a top rocker yet. So he says I'm the apprentice. He goes and I'm like, okay, so already right there I didn't have a thing in me. It's got like just the fact that like he's like sitting there like you're a hypothesis like I'm the apprentice, he goes, and I'm like, okay, so already right there, I did have a thing in me. It's kind of like a lot. Just the fact that like he's like sitting there like,

you're a high boss, he's like, I'm just thinking the sugar ray every morning, go into celebrate. So when he says that, right away I already have, I go, well that's a little weird because my picture was, DJ, lose DJing, the wedding, let's get y'all. I think I'm gonna hang with him. I'm holding his hand, old Metz hat on, maybe a suit. I think I was gonna hang on it his hand old meds hat on maybe a suit I think I was gonna kick it with the most of the time like laughing about shit and stuff for the show

Looking like a guy that just sold his land to an oil company having fun So that's what I thought but I was like all right well, he's there still so I guess maybe you can even hang a little more and cuz he's not Actually DJing it turns out. Yeah, he's just loading up the gun. And then he goes, He's just putting bullets in the fucking machine gun. And he goes, I gotta tell him a little nervous too, because I'm not gonna say, he goes, I don't understand what they want. What do they want exactly, I go,

a wedding DJ. He goes, but what do you mean? I mean, they want like show drops and all kinds of stuff like show references and I went, no, no, no, no, no, this isn't, no. Don't know why I'm seeing it. It's a bonfire event, they go, just how you DJ apprentice a wedding normally. Just do that thing.

Yeah. There I go. We're hiring you as like a deed. The fun thing of it is that you are also a wedding DJ. We were under the impression. And and now it's slightly different. You said, but you're, but you're there. And then he was like, oh, okay, good. I was nervous. And now it's slightly different you said, but you're there.

And then he's like, oh, okay, good. I was nervous. And then a week later he goes, I'm not doing this. This is wedding. Why is your, did your master strike again? Yeah. Can you tell you who's your father? Yeah. He goes, you turn against me in the sweating.

And it will be probably strike me down. And I do what happened. He said he didn't want to do it. He had too much going on. Oh, no, no, no, no. Now, you said he was nervous, Lou. I also didn't use the word apprentice. No, that's true.

You did use nervous. You did not say, wait, I think you may have said apprentice. Assistant? Assistant, I think. You think that sounds assistant assistant. I think you think that sounds better That sounds like you should be wearing a skirt, dude At least apprentice seems like you're gonna become him assistant. It seems like you're a college girl I do for a summer credit. I'll give you one of the best weddings in New Jersey this hot piece of Assistant

Mr. DJ do you want you see You're the eye candy. Well, he DJ's Well, of course. Oh, do you want you, C. N. Edge? You're the eye candy while he DJs? Yeah. Well, of course. Oh, you dropped something. Luke, you did it for our friend. Luke, bend over and hit me my vinyl of YMCA. Oh, it looks like they need to play the chicken dance. Ben, and then, and then, and then, and then,

and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, Make a butt clap Lou make your butt clap for the people look it out there and start the dancing. Is that what you do? Are you a party starter?

Do you live in a party start? Come on now get up grandma. It's not too old the boogie. I know he's got a headset mic on I know you're not too old the boogie with me. Are you he's got both of her arms? DJ Lou from the Bonfire County City radio series like 95 I'm here to make you guys have the best experience you're like evening to the wick house key and the chongs coming together love grandma chong grandma bachowski come on

we can do it left foot on one two three left one two looks like to looks like this wedding is going to have a little bit of rhythm to it. Let's bring out the bride's marriage. Halfway through, he's just in the fucking bag hammered. I'm gonna probably take a stab at your sister. Come on. Well, well, well, Jay, no surprise.

A lot of fat people in your family. Whoa. Look at the line for that buffet, dance floor, empty, all the carbs being piled on like a fumble at the five I can't wait to see these pigs die for a goddamn bouquet of flowers. Is this thing on? Yeah Look the thought of Lou having one of those bikes that leaving it on when he's hammered Talked to a little bit of dirt all over he goes. Oh, I'm pretty much the brains mind everything on the bonfire over he goes, I'm pretty much the brains mind everything on the bonfire. What's the bonfire?

You guys, I'll tell you what, you sent me off in the closet, I get you a t-shirt. Like, I'm in the car. I got him right there, her. Like, I'm in the car, I'm driving home. Yeah, you're driving home because I gave him a job. Yeah, she goes, did you leave him with Valet? Did you leave him with Valet? I was like, someone someone taught me his microphone.

Yeah, he's causing everyone to be upset. DJ Lou, what's a DJ's assistant? Oh, what a job dude. Party starter. Party starter. Oh, Havana Gilo! Let's get that chair out here. Who's going up first? Let's do the horror salmon Sounds of the out in 10 minutes right now you better get your butt to the dance floor

DJ assistant Lou DJ Lou anymore. He's not a DJ DJ assistant. DJ assistant. Lou. Wait, um, how are you doing? isn't a little wait um how long do she current doing that what right yeah I missed it Lou you're been a DJ for I don't know how many decades not not at all zero decades is an assistant well when do you officially like how long do you have to train for what a crazy question ask right how long do you have to not have the patch jay motorcycle called jay, the question is how long does rain take to form? Hang on, you're terrified of DJ. I'm not terrified. I will have two turntables. No, I don't have any equipment. That's why I'm

the only one who's isn't. You're in DJ with no equipment. I'm not really a DJ. I'm sworn to God that you have turntables at your house in a mixer. And there's a prospect. He's still a prospect. But you're a prospect. Yeah, you're just a, and there's a bunch of. Who's the prospect? He's still a prospect. He's still a prospect. Yeah, but he's a prospect. But you don't even have a bike. Yeah, he just shows up. He really, he's never started a bike.

He's a prospect. You need a ride? You need a ride to the gig? He's got a record player. Why don't you go give me some tall boys and come back with a pack of smokes for me. I think, dude, I'll be halfway through the macarena if you can hang.

I think on a big, big birthday, a big, big birthday treat for Lu and Dave. Me and Dan, I have to go have, so I'm just getting you the CD turntables, dude. I'll get you out there, man. I'll get you a big ass, we're gonna go get you a fucking set up. I promise you, we could open the phone lines up

and everyone would call in and say, everyone believes you are DJ. Well, I've been radio DJ. Well, I'm a radio DJ. What? I'm not a real DJ, right? Yeah, you are. You're not a DJ. I'm not a DJ.

You're not a DJ. You're a DJ in your heart? That's more the fucking apprentice out there though. Goddamn right, you don't know. It sounds like you're a horrible apprentice, but you're fantastic at this. You're so good at this. The best in the world I'd argue who can teach you anything

I think it's just you're not doing it that better be clean Okay, and number two great point great point who's it this guy's like oh Who's smoking a cigarette watching everything gets set up because yeah got it you have to pick something up What do you mean picked up knowledge? Yeah, you can just do it. I can't just do it. I just don't want to do it. I don't have equipment I'd rather be the apprentice so there's no pressure on me Why you just not go I kind of get what you love going the wedding I just want me to be a DJ. I don't want to be one. I'm sorry, I love love.

So guilty. Yeah. Guilty is charged for loving love. What people want you to do it. So you ask you to do a gig and then you middleman a DJ so you can go to the wedding. Yes. That's so funny.

He's like, he's like a madam. He goes, what kind do you want? Yeah. You know, technically you want rock, what do you want? I got a whole stable of fellows. Is this what you go through to not have to find the date for a wedding I just like I'm here with DJ Sorry to see if the DJ's what's up to your guys finger foods? Hey Mr. DJ's assistant you can get me started Does he let you like?

Fuck yeah, he does he let you train like He let you like, fuck yeah, he does. Does he let you train like, when people come up and ask for a song, he let you handle that. He tells you how to talk to them and all that. He watches them. And then he's got a long bamboo stick that he slaps when Lou does something wrong

like a kung fu movie. Really guy, excuse me. Do you guys have any like, Britney Spears? And he goes, oh, I don't think, you'll always say yes. even when the answer is no. All right. Lou, what's the name of your sensei? I'm not gonna tell you that.

Yeah, why would we get a more work? He's afraid of it. Yeah, why plug his business? He's terrified to do the job that he's got a fucking business card for. We've got a loan out of a hole like a groundhog You call a master. Yeah, too nervous guys DJ service He goes, who what is best in life? To have you to have your enemy in a mumbo line

To watch the old devs crushed in front of you and to hear the lamentations that they are winning. John from Dan and John's Wings catered Black Lose Birthday Party in the studio on Wednesday. This opened up a discussion about some interesting hot sauces on the market. Yeah, there was a place called Wings to go and Philly that had like the release yet the sign released to eat one of them. Things like suicide, sauce or something like sure It was I think was suicide was a second. I think homicide. I like that they're named after bad things

Yeah, death grip growing up. I'm loved. Whoa, that one's psychological. Yeah, yeah, yeah losing a parent young Oh, can I do a dozen of the compared to my brothers? Those are pretty hot, right? Would you be spicy? Okay, and then also I'm gonna do, oh, let me do a half a dozen of lost-to-child. Yeah. Let me get some too fat to be gays. Yeah, I think that's gonna do the order. Oh, you know what? Fuck it, why not? It's my birthday.

Let me do a half a dozen of the attracted to children. Is that? Is that? Is that what you do? It's so satisfying. Penified. Can I go in and serve pedified sauce? No, you know, pedified sauce.

See, there's those things that you have skin on them. You know, you know. You know, you want to fucking get, eat this. Like, you serve it. Ah, it's not even, doesn't even taste good. I just serve it. Ah, it's pure skin. You guys want genocide?

You go, that's not a little much. I don't know if I put that up there. It's the wings that don't exist. That's the genocide. Get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it. It never happened. What are you talking about? I got you. It'll be down there. You're numbers happened. What are you talking about?

I got you. It'll be down there. Your number's 93. What do I owe you? Never happened, man. Never happened. Never happened. Yeah.

It's gonna be hot, though. Do you have your wings to go or Holocaust deniers? They don't say it, they suggest it. Didn't happen. They don't just say what? Didn't happen. What did it have? Disorder. Dis disorder? Why do you keep winking? That's so can you guys can you name your wings like that?

Can you can we have a couple of off-menu really you got to sign the waiver for? Get a ditch. Yeah, yeah, they're called the widow maker. Oh, dude, I love those They go, oh, did you go can I get a, can I get order the crippling debt? That's pretty good. You're gonna need a, you're gonna need a cosine. You got it. You got it. You're gonna get a guaranteed display?

Yeah, what do you got? They bring it out. They want this to get the case off of it. Yeah, it is. There it is. You know, fuck, how kind of that stuff? They've been trying aging for years. Hey, it's Black Lugan.

If you've ever wondered what it's like to live a reverse green acre's life, listen in as comedian Tracy Cardinazo explains leaving New York City for love in the mountains of West Virginia. I met a guy that went to NYU. He was an actor, super hot. And he was like, when he graduated,

he was like, you want to come live with me in West Virginia. And I was like, yeah. Really? Yeah. And then I left very shortly after. That's crazy. Yeah, I lived like, yeah. Really? Yeah, and then I left very shortly after. That's crazy. Yeah, I lived in a mountain. Really?

I literally lived in a 2000 acre farm in a mountain. I was like, I'm gonna settle down in West Virginia in the hills. What was it that made you leave? I mean, I know. West Virginia? Yeah, what was it that made you leave? I mean, I know.

What was it that made you leave? Yeah, what was it that made you leave? I mean, I know. What was it that made you leave? Yeah, what was it that made you leave? I mean, I know. What was it that made you leave? Yeah, what was it that made you leave? I mean, I know. And we lived up on this mountain, and my car couldn't make it down the mountain. So I had to park down at his parent's house, which was lower on the mountain,

and then he would drive his car up to our place. So we got on a fight one night, and I was like, I'm leaving, and he was like, where? He's like, but you got a train to leave. Yeah, and I was like, what do you mean where? We got a Rambo together. Yeah, and I just sat in the car, and I just cried. And I was like, oh my god, I can't leave. And then you did leave, though. Yeah, and I just I sat in the car and I just cried and I was like, oh, it caught I can't leave

And then you did leave though. Yeah eventually shortly after yeah, I was during the day though When the harvest came I was like, oh, let's go visit my car You know you kidnapped Tracy everything's okay. I feel fine She's like, you know, and then and then the authorities came by and I made a sign to one of the cops He took out three guys guys. We used to go I got he understood the signal because it was like kept saying I was fine, but I was giving like an eye twitch Yeah, I said is there any more Wendy's and he knew that there's no Wendy's in the county on Thursday's we used to go get gas Yeah, did you did you trick yourself like a love after a lockup girl for a second that it was quaint and

For a second. Yeah, I did it the our entire relationship. I'm saying you were like this is actually a cool way to live. Yeah, the whole time. Like a rural. I was like, I kind of love it. Get away. He was a good guy. He's a hot West Virginia. He was really good looking. There's the thing though, those are you dealt with inevitable white trash shape shifting. Yeah, women deal with it in hunky men with six packs, and big dogs. That's exactly what this was. Big, big dogs.

Big blue eyes, beautiful blonde hair. He was gorgeous. Yeah, because fucking white trash guys, always some, they either go fat or just because they work. That was hot. Just because they do some sort of a job. He was a lumberjack. Yeah, that's what it is.

They're like weirdly in shape. But if he would have stopped working, he would have got fat, pink skinned, and then mean. No, he was mean. All right, but I didn't see it until we got to West Virginia, and then he started lumberjacking again. Yeah, once he was in his natural habitat. He was in New York where he couldn't be mean that same way. We went to a cattle auction. Yeah. And I was, I couldn't believe what was happening in my life. And I was looking around, and it's just like dirtiest farmers and they're covered in mud and they're just old and disgusting.

No one has teeth. Those are real people though. I want to watch your mouth. I was looking for- I was looking around because I couldn't believe what happened to me. And he jabbed me in the ribs. He gave me a good elbow.

And I was like, what are you doing? And he's like, you don't make contact eye contact with other men in front of me. That's great. And I was like, oh, okay, you know, this is real. It's got his pin hands. Yeah, it was. At a catalog, can you find this out?

Yeah. He goes, also, I feel like the signs were all there. We're going to start doing three things with cows. What? We bought two cows that day. Right. Yeah. We brought him home on the trailer behind the truck.

We went to go buy a cow. We bought a cow. You see? I'm 35. You look like 17. You guys know when I was there at Pearl Harbor. Yeah. But she's like, no, you didn't know that's what I was that's what I was a tornado chaser. Yeah. I got the emulator back in 1954. I named them Lara and Balka. the cow. Yeah, because they were both girls It was a mother in the daughter. They were milking cows. Yeah, they were

No, because you they trade cows like they trade stock there. I think you're gonna say slaves Yeah, I was gonna be very upset with you. It's black. It's almost black loose birthday Yeah, happy birthday, though We're on the EVV. He's gonna be 35 also, but you can't tell it's black don't crack. This is true He doesn't look as weather design. Do they over. He doesn't look a day over 20. I can't but you can tell me black. Louis 27 28. I'd be in the art piece. You think I look old?

No, I thought you look very young as well. I say, how do you do all these things? Yeah. I would have thought you were in your 20s. So thank you. I'm interested back with his West Virginia story. Yeah. He was an actor. Yeah. He was an actor and then he went back to. He had to go back to West Virginia story. He was an actor? Yeah, he was an actor. And then he went back to Virginia. He had to go back to West Virginia. His mother's in a wheelchair.

His father was like a hundred years old. There's a lot of overalls involved. And yeah, so we went back. What was your every day, or every time that you would fuck, and you'd come? Yeah, yeah. Explain to me the two minutes after that. What was the what was your thought every day? Because like you were clearly into this guy physically. Yeah, yeah, I was like I'm so lucky

He's so hot and then right when you come and you go it's like well I get there's that moment. We just go okay dickstick right and you can get to get anywhere so like What the fuck and then like you know and then he walks out to go get a drink like right with his fucking muscle Yeah, yeah, it was yeah It's a great house. And then you're like, you're like, oh man, never mind. Yeah, he puts on, he's like, he just doesn't even put on his underwear yet.

He goes, I'm going to go grab glass of water. Comes back in and it's dick still like the, it's coming down still. So it's just basically a condo nose. And he's just drinking a water and you're like, nah, I get to stay. So I'm going down his channel. I love those cows.

But we didn't have a TV. But yeah, but you roll, you roll over on his old Roy Rogers sheets to grab your phone On the creaky spring mattress the house was beautiful It was a stone house that was hand-built by like his great-great-grandfather was a beautiful house But like a big porch it was nice your house. It was just me and him It's crazy. God cable. We didn't have a TV We only listened to the radio and he would like only listen to what shows Oh, I was gonna say was did you get into shows like shadow?

No, there's like no, I mean it was in the middle of a 2000 acre farm Like I don't know if you understand like we're in nothing could you have made it? I feel this way about jail ironically, but you feel you could have made it maybe another year Was he good looking enough if you had television? No I feel like you could have made it maybe another year. Was he good looking enough if you had television? You know, it was like well water. There were a lot of spiders. Like I couldn't.

My ex girlfriend was well water and she was blonde. And then one day when well water. No, one day when well water goes wacky on you, it can fuck your hair, turn bright orange when just like rust gets in the water. And she watched her hair one time and her hair was orange for like two months. I'm pretty crazy.

Yeah, I mean, you still have to like hang out with his mom all the time and she did not stop talking and I had no clue what she was saying. God rest her soul. Um. Did you ever think about putting her down? I mean, eventually she got kind of. Yeah, no, but you like looking at it.

Did she beg you to? No, I can't take it anymore. Get me! He would go out and like, you know, lumberjack on his own land, because what they would do is they would cut the trees down and they would sell them to the coal mines, and that's how they made money. He had a, like, a wood mill on his land. What did this fucking guy do in NYU?

He made a documentary, too, about... I don't even mean that, I'm saying what are you doing? No, he was just, I know, but his life find his way to NYU. Like what was his night life? Like when that's what he goes right back to, that's a crazy change. Yeah, you can't go from, like,

you can't go from going to Tau and like, partying to be like here. He was in a show that I was working on and I met him here and I was like, oh, he's so good looking. Like this is, he was like a club promoter. He was doing like all those college jobs. He's like a club promoter back to Wumberjack.

Yeah, he was like doing all these college jobs. He was like, you know, doing some modeling and then like boom, we're back on the Woodmill. Damn. It was hard. That is weird as shit to be like, hey. That is Dick Harris perfect. Nothing those stragglers on the shaft.

Oh, yeah, none. I bet he had a little Moustacheo above it. It's not the world. I'm living in you know I'm talking about DJ Lou. You got fucking shaft hairs You're you speak it. I live it Take him right off me too. I see him though. It bothers me When you have it when you let him go in for a while and you're like how the hell do you get this high? I'm like, oh my god. On the bottom? I never had to deal with like under my dick

had a little beard of hairs. Yeah, I wonder if my girlfriend's had to play like guitar chords to block the hairs while she's sucking my dick. Like, you could just live like five fingers. C-A-G. She's just like a little, it's so weird. Yeah, it happens. It does happen.

I know, you're talking to two-minute-a-degas. Like all the way up to the top sometimes. No, I'm telling you, I don't, the bottom's not where I have the, yeah, but I'm saying at the top, under the head, we're like the foreskin, where it would be like a gather sort of, really? Yeah, I'm cut kind of diagonal to buy.

I have it all the way, I have it down the back alley. Yeah, mine's underneath. Yeah, like head. Under the head, but just like, I mean literally like five, you could like, yeah, if they grow, that's not a hatch. It's like single hairs. Oh, I've seen a full stripe, like a full mohawk.

That's crazy. Straight up and down the whole dick. Yeah, that's weird. I couldn't believe it. I thought that it was, just like I was, I kept trying to wipe it away. Oh, wait, Jake, it was actually. You're not stressing how much does a cow cost?

Oh, it depends on the cow. I mean, there's an auction. There's a whole, you know, it's a cow healthy. I mean, there's an auction. There's a fucking idiot You know, it's a cow healthy. It's how much is it way how old is it? It just it goes by pound It is the craziest thing. I have pictures. I'm gonna send them to you guys. It's it's terrifying How much did you the cows you booked? I think that maybe we spent 300 bucks that day on the cow and but you have to take with the calf And then the cow we had to give them the medicine when they got home they had to give them injections. Yeah, it was it's a whole thing fuck your boyfriend listen to the radio Kid one old lady. Yeah, listen to so Conway 20 after your boyfriend blows his back your back out

Go down talk to his crazy mom No joke I think 80s how long were you there for I was there for like couple of months, but I didn't make it as long. Like the plan was that he was gonna go down there, make some money on the wood mill and set his parents up and see what they needed, and then we were gonna come back to New York. And then we found out, unfortunately,

he had gotten his ex-girlfriend pregnant. What? Wally was home in West Virginia. No, right before we left. In New York. Yeah, and. He had gotten his ex-girlfriend pregnant. What? While he was home in West Virginia. No, right before we left. In New York. Yeah, and... So you get a pregnant girlfriend and you

will be here down West Virginia right? Right, it's nice. I mean, what you guys have to live in New York and you're fucking... Yeah, I can't use your shovel. She moved back to California. It's like a whole big thing and now he's like, you know. Did the girlfriend have the baby? Yeah, yeah.

Is it a hot baby? It's a half West Virginia and half Asian. Whoa, sexy little home, little away, little rural, little city, little woo-ho-m little home. Hope you enjoyed this week's Best of the Bond Fire. You can listen to the show live every Monday through Thursday from 6th APM East on Comedy Central Radio, Series XM 95, or on demand on the Series XM app. Be sure to follow us on all social media at the Bond Fire at SXM.