The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Bar Kids

Episode Date: June 21, 2019

The Bonfire brainstorms plots for future Rambo movies. Dan Soder tells everyone about life as a "Bar Kid" and the guys comment on the documentary “At The Heart of Gold” ...

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Starting point is 00:00:00 You're listening to Comedy Central. Also, be sure to follow us on all social media at the bonfire. SXM. Hey, Cameras, it's Black Blue, and welcome to the bonfires best of the week. With the latest installment of the Rambo franchise, Rambo, Last Blood. On its way into theaters soon, Jay and Dan brainstormed further plotlines for the tortured X-Green Beret. That last Rambo was pretty rough. Loved it. And then I'll be at the new one. Last Blood?
Starting point is 00:00:44 The new one's called the new ones called last blood I get the play on what I will I'm sure see I saw the other yeah I saw the other one in the theater Also me too. I'll see any Rambo. It's fucking Rambo dude. It's Rambo but it's getting red day old Rambo's getting a little red old Rambo Better be the last if they do one more after this they better call it old Rambo How many things can happen in one guy's lifetime? He goes at this point. I think I'm the problem Maybe I should just maybe I started seeing a man his name is Barry and he's a therapist and he's starting to think that maybe I'm the one who's drawing all the violence towards me John Rambo was involved.
Starting point is 00:01:26 It before we even got involved in his life. Yeah. He was in infantry, green beret. Green beret. The best. Train by the best. He can eat things that make a billy goat. Puk.
Starting point is 00:01:38 I know because I train him. I talk dirty as Captain Murdoch. That's fucking hilarious. Not Murdoch. Trautman. Talk dirty as Colonel Tradoch. That's fucking hilarious. Not Murdoch. Troutman. I talked dirty as Colonel Troutman. That's right. Suck my dick.
Starting point is 00:01:50 Put it in your mouth. Use your hand. Spit on it. You could be the best. Because it feels good. Yeah. Richard Krenna. So you're right.
Starting point is 00:02:00 Rambo is a green beret. This is before we even get involved in his life. He's already seen war He explains to us that all his friends are dead that he's come home Everybody wants to even made it back whose brains weren't on his fucking shirt. Yep. You got my mains And one of them died of cancer one of them owned a car wash Yeah, and then small town fury rains down and he's forced to go into hiding and the mountains of Oregon blow up a small town to take out a very small police station. Yeah He goes to jail for a little bit
Starting point is 00:02:34 Bust of rocks they let him out of jail because they need to use him as a patty in a gigantic conspiracy with Russia. Yeah Well, they sent him over to take on uh... russians and then i'll see the enemies it's the vietnamese it's the p o w's that are being held in vietnam they send rambos to vietnam to get the p o w's out of the it on all the russian russian support with with russian support yeah with russian support well third the third is the real squaring off with the russians because that's he helps the house's he helps the Taliban Which does not age well
Starting point is 00:03:11 He's like at one day maybe you're gonna take down these towers of oppression and you're like Rambo I'm just a Rambo and I'm saying vote Hitler for a second 1935 and this eight-off Hitler guy is a good guy. He's good about the trade. He's going to be in his paintings and no one believes in him. He says the crying speech for Hitler. And this guy, down in Italy, this guy, Moose Selene, he's all bad. He can't even get a job. Buking, fucking guy. We get a job, fucking fucking guy! Yeah! And you're...
Starting point is 00:03:44 You're terrorizing people, but you're right. He goes... Small town. Problem goes to jail, ends up in that war. And then he comes back to Vietnam. And then he helps the Taliban. Then he helps the Taliban. And then, decides to get involved in a Burmese...
Starting point is 00:04:00 No, Major. He's a snake catcher. He doesn't need a viper,pper and then whatever he is missionary I said whenever he moved to Burma yeah Which it would like he's gonna take on the gorillas in Burma which is fucking insane And now he's coming home to fight an old western war right here love it on the very land that he fought so hard to defend No one fighters fight. How does he not have something? It would be annoying.
Starting point is 00:04:27 He's like, I did beat cancer and I am battling a little bit of COPD. He goes, I got, I got a head trauma. Yeah. No, no, no, no, I'm actually pretty fucked up. This, this Rambo is an emotional battle. I don't know if It's just a deep well Well written I brought the battle home to where Rambo Yeah, it's my heart in my that would have been better if Rambo the last blood was just a psychological like a goodwill hunting
Starting point is 00:05:00 Caliber of a movie where you cry. It's not your fault John Rambo caliber of a movie where you cry not your fortune Rambo Sean you're just a kid trying to serve his country What do you want me to tell you that these are serious guys He used to put out cigarettes. I killed a lot of people in Boomer Anyway, the Pythagorean fear of it. It war in season and the Oscar race is heating up with Rambo the last blood a courtroom drama about a man with riddled with PTSD who goes on a murder street. How about you should just make a prequel to Rambo and make it before the war,
Starting point is 00:05:40 just being like a happy go. Just him as a high school junior. Just a coming of age comedy. But with him doing narration like the one who is. He's like, he's like, you know, I would have a lot worse battles, but my first battle was with puberty. And that's what I realized,
Starting point is 00:06:00 I'm wearing two tight pants, and I'm in gym and everybody's happy. Uh, I don't know. I've always been comfortable climbing up on the roofs and crying. No, say I got to go with my dad to the office this week is some sort of program. That's my sister Janet. She's got me. She's showing all the kids walking in, you know, and that's my brother,
Starting point is 00:06:24 Darrell. I looked up to him the most He didn't go to be in town He should have a movie that's current time that rables broke. Yeah, he's a fucking lunatic Daryl, you're not inviting Johnny to the fucking Thanksgiving. Are you he always gets weird here? Daryl? Daryl, I'm your wife. you are the CEO of a fortune 500 company Your brother is riddled with PTSD. He's not allowed in the apartment building. What do you miss say to him? What do you want to say my child? He is nieces Johnny. I haven't seen Johnny since he went to Vietnam
Starting point is 00:06:57 How bad could things be actually I'm already in the room. I'm painted like you walk I've been here the whole time. Sarah. I gotta we show you. I'm painted like your wall. I'll be the old time, Sarah, I gotta be sure you. I'm gonna behave. I know, thanks for giving me the rough with me. I know, but I've been talking to Barry. But you do, I am Barry. He's got me doing exercises where I vocalize what I'm feeling. And right now, I'm feeling like I'm back in Vietnam
Starting point is 00:07:23 and you're putting bamboo shoots into my fingernails The Rambo is a fucking situational comedy This is like sitcom problems I'm the master my own domain so what happened is I told Judy we could go out Tuesday But I also told Ruby we could go out Tuesday and now they're both gonna meet me at the restaurant I don't know what to do You're multi-cam for Rambo He's a war that that just can't get it together
Starting point is 00:07:59 Could we get scripts of two and a half men and just make Rambo fucking Charlie sheen? Yeah, I bet it would work. I bet it works surprisingly. Oh, absolutely. I bet if you got a two and a half man script and you read it Let me check my little black book. Yeah, the reason I can't keep a relationship is because I've taken a lot of human life It's black Lou again on Tuesday show Dan Soder discussed what life was like growing up as a bar kid with his dad Gary much to the shock of big J If my if my if my if my daughter I want to fight in a in an MMA ring. I wouldn't I wouldn't react that way if my dad came back from the dead You go dad. I go like this dude get the fuck away from me get the fuck away from me I go like this I go if I get you a rummin cocoa you be cool
Starting point is 00:08:54 I just ate five of a cocks Oh Wasting away Anyone Waste the way Is anyone I lost Haker of salt I like mine would let his end to me Hines 57 Friend fry potato
Starting point is 00:09:19 Dad I got you a box of marble reds and a rummend coke Still got it Cool Los girl Is Working No down at the fireside lounge. His fat tit carols to working up, holding out your mother's a bitch. She still takes my money every month, so. I love you think that Gary paid child support.
Starting point is 00:10:00 No, my mom had to garnish eventually. Me too. Dude, I love that both tradition Terry both with the garnish route. Yeah, the garnish. Did your mom bring it to you first, or did she just garnish? Dude, my mom had to garnish eventually me too. Dude, I love it both Trish and Terry both with the garnish route. Yeah, the guards. Did your mom bring it to you first? Or she does garnish? Dude, my mom, my mom said it like she fucking whipped one on her. She goes, by the way, I'm garnishing your father's wages is what she said.
Starting point is 00:10:14 My mom said to me and I was so spun around and just groomed that I was like, no, don't do that. I go, he told me he has a very high furniture. Well, the furniture, my mom's like, we all of our furniture as rips in it. Yeah, and I'm like, I know But he's got nice stuff really likes it. He's just cool. He's so much funnier than you though. I mean, yeah, come on He's fun. Dude my dad would own my mom when I was a little cuz he would whenever I'd visit him to fun shit dude We just we after we were at dance liquors we put in like probably once a week at least I would spend six weeks out there once a week after our shift at dance liquors it wasn't your shift there I worked shift I worked the
Starting point is 00:10:55 shift I worked the whole shift going the back and play with guys and hope to know what's the first time I look at the porn I play with my guys on the side of the counter in the front you can kick cat drinking Pepsi you should be in bad and then going and playing the arcade for five bucks which is pretty badass pretty good everything went just to quarter then or they're 50 cents at that point quarter Street Fighter 2 just came out solid immoral combat just came out fucking great summer good kids good kid but then we my dad would just take us to toy world yeah Yeah, it was us. You just take me Myself you take himself also do my dad would buy he bought starting a lot of some time and he was like I was like I those for you And he's like yeah, I still got to go on the girl with the cans over on aisle four always slinging it
Starting point is 00:11:36 Yeah, and when he lived in Denver still we used to go to this bar called Caldonia's Which is why did you go there because my dad wanted to get hammered and it was my weekend with him. You were a child. Yeah. You weren't supposed to be in there. They had a video game that Castellania. And I think that was for you. You think that was for you?
Starting point is 00:11:53 I mean, there was an over video game real quick. Are there other children waiting to play the game? No. No, there wasn't. There wasn't. Yeah, I got. You know why? Because it's not for sure.
Starting point is 00:12:03 I got the play. Yeah, no, no, no. I took your dad may have brought in that castle when you game talk you probably use we can get hammer with his friends We get twisted up and then fucking let's We would walk first off we walk my dad's a part of you guys if you're if you're wondering if you live in Denver You know, this is my dad lived on a corner of Isle of him Parker. There's an apartment complex down there. That's right where Caldonia's was and a gas station called the barn store. My dad and I would walk across the street. We walk across the street to the barn store, which is like a gas station. He'd give me some candy for when we were home and then we go to Caldonia's and
Starting point is 00:12:43 I would get to eat the candy playing video games. My dad just gave him a work. Damn. Oh, by the way, is there also bikini girls there, Dan? Your father's not a good guy to you, huh? My dad and I were walking through the park a lot. This is a real, I was maybe six years old. We're walking through the park a lot.
Starting point is 00:12:58 The sign is a pig smoking a cigarette. And it says we have smoking breath. Somebody went up Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:11 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:18 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like gets the fun of me puts his hand up, you know then we like walk in I go and play video games and I come back And my dad was drinking a beer with the dude that almost hit me. That's fucking hilarious
Starting point is 00:13:29 I'm one of the girls in a bikini contest sitting on his last No, there wasn't there was a new mom Danny. They're just fucking around waiting in a dollar for the game. Here you go That was really it though We got a dollar for the game. There you go. I bothered Trish and Gary at a lot of bars. I'm gonna get some, that's fucking bizarre they used to just bring you to a bunch of bars. Yeah, I don't know, man. It's, you know, you were abused.
Starting point is 00:13:52 Wasn't abused. Damn. What? You're not supposed to be in a bar as a child. I'm sorry that I have an adult like personality because I grew up in this, I don't know what it was. If I can cut the damn thing, we all kiddie like, say yes, this is so, you're the piano man. I got, I got George over there. Because I grew up in that was fucking cut the dam being all cute like saying Piano man You're over there you have been fucked her in five years guys. I'm gonna play Castlevania. Can I get another Shirley?
Starting point is 00:14:14 God damn it step on it Gary do a shot. We gotta get out of here. Yeah Saturday night main events coming on We gotta go home. I want to watch hogan voice slaughter. Would he take you there to get day drunk or To my dad checked out at 48 of cirrhosis. Yeah, I'm a fucker put in work. I mean it got it got also looked 60 You my dad looked 60 when he was 30 really yeah, I'm always had a fucking hit a car phone call Yeah, you had like curly hair in a mustache Yeah, he had a fucking good brimley nice Wilford brimly. He was 24. He looked 50 Really? Yeah, just rough the whole time. No, it wasn't rough. He wasn't like a bad looking dude
Starting point is 00:14:52 Who do you know my saying that I'm saying but yeah, but if you look that eight he look like David Cross Yeah, dude my dad I didn't realize you the bar is crazy My mom didn't take me to bars a lot. She's done it only a couple times So you know log involved No, no Gary was like exclusively you take me to shifts when he was a bartender to bowling alley Well, here's the thing but I go bowl ball play. Yeah, there's things to do there's arcade usually Yeah, there was an arcade and there's a you could eat Otis Spunk my our cookies love those Spunk Doesn't do, damn it. I love the fucking stuff
Starting point is 00:15:27 My mom's house was like my mom That was on very rare occasion. I'm saying like I had a normal life with my mom And occasions pretty weird But when I was with my dad it was true to lawlessness a lot of the time Just a lot of it's like I had the joke on stage My mom was a kid, never took me to a bar Yeah Well Just a lot of that's like I had the joke on stage. My mom was a kid, she never took me to a bar. Yeah, well, but I had the joke on stage about saying I'm 20% light trash
Starting point is 00:15:49 because it really is like that's the specific amount that I've deduced it to. Yeah, that was some trashy as shit, but I grew up in the suburbs, I grew up like middle class with my mom, but then when I'd go to Lake County with my dad, it was fucking crazy. Yeah, it was just crazy, it was just a different life. It always smelled like wood.
Starting point is 00:16:06 It's beautiful up there. It's beautiful up there. It's just the people are, it's like being in a town of people, of like mean looking dogs not on a leash. That's how I react. I was like, look at, look at what I'm smelling you. There's a lot of nice people in Lake County, but I'm saying like, the people my dad was taking me around.
Starting point is 00:16:24 Because at this point, he just deteriorated. I'm talking about Caldonia's, that's right after my parents got divorced. So my dad's not truly in the gutter yet. Right. When he moved to Lake County as when he went into the gutter, when I'm talking backwoods, trailer parks, like-
Starting point is 00:16:39 Coutinho's pretty bad place to bring a kid. Cout, I swear to God, probably just because I'm conditioned, but talking about Lake County versus the places I went in Lake County versus Caltonius, Caltonius is like awesome. Go to Hooters. Yeah, it's like the best memories of me thinking about being in that Caltonius playing Caltonius.
Starting point is 00:16:58 I think it was like fucking the double do's. It was fucking. No, it was always Lakeside, it was always the bowling alley in Lakeport that we would. That was a rough scene over there though. That was not that bad. I saw some rough motherfuckers in that bar though. I saw people where I was like, yo, they're dudes' life is, I was like, 10. I was gonna say they all look like that when you're 10, dude.
Starting point is 00:17:16 You were in your 10? It's late night bar people. But also my dad was funny. I'm gonna fucking rob and Williams you. I'm gonna good with hunting you. Yeah. Cause you're not realizing it. And everyone else in the room is not saying it. What? That's insane that you were hanging out in bars. It's 10 years old that much
Starting point is 00:17:29 Yeah, it was a lot. It's bananas. Yeah, I had some of my best memories of my dad growing up I'm hanging out the garage I hang out in the garage because we would hang out in the garage We would listen to music. We would like shoot BB guns and just chill out We would listen to music. We would like shoot BB guns and just show out. Yeah, he was pretty much blackout drunk the whole time Dan, do you see how stupid that sounds? That's pretty great, but it was great like I loved it I I loved my child BB guns out awesome Hey, it's black glue and on Wednesday show executive producer Christine Evans talked about the time she felt most violated during sex
Starting point is 00:18:02 Later that show Jane Dan discuss Kiana Reeves, no touching during photos policy, and their own method for taking pictures with fans. I say like I'm gonna come, no, yeah, I announced to you. My announce, but then... I know, I think the announcing is nice. Announcing is a nice, you're like,
Starting point is 00:18:18 I wanna know, I wanna know, I wanna know, I wanna know, I wanna know, I wanna know, I wanna know, I wanna know, I wanna know, I wanna know, I can't believe it. Yeah, I had a guy, I had a guy specifically, I'm very much like come good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm't come in me. And I had a guy not announced come inside me and it was, I never felt more violated. Like anything sexually than a guy coming inside me
Starting point is 00:18:51 when I told him not to. Because I'm like, you're making a decision for us now. Like you now have to go get a plan B, now have to take care of this and it's something. You couldn't tell when he was done. Oh, I could tell it was like he, it was like I couldn't, it was too late once it was happening and then it was done and Oh, I could tell it was like he was like, I couldn't, it was too late once it was happening
Starting point is 00:19:05 and then it was done in the laugh off of it. It was more to feel. Yes, but I'm not. I just realized. I just realized. Jay helped me realize a lot of these guys weren't my friends. I don't know if you hear Christine,
Starting point is 00:19:16 but Kate and DC is rubbing up against a desk. You said the thing Christine about the guy coming inside you, not saying anything. I'm always shocked when a girl tells a story of having a guy come in her mouth without giving any more. That is sincere Hutzba. That's crazy.
Starting point is 00:19:33 If you fucking think you're gonna come in a woman's mouth and not get fucking spit and drat, spit. Well, no. Some will be fine with that, I guess, but I'd assume it's like person to person. I think it's way shittier to come inside a girl. I'm more telling. Who's arguing, who's I think it's way shitier to come inside a girl Who's arguing which ones worse? I'm saying I'm sorry. What do you even do that? I'm saying it's interesting to like a coming a girl
Starting point is 00:19:53 It's like you know there if the reactions like big on that it's such like If you get something like that and announced it's like the reactions probably gonna be negative Whereas if you know it's coming and can prepare for it it's probably a lot more positive. I mean the surprise of a penis coming in your mouth has to be one of the words like that's a distinct taste. Yeah. Have you ever like, yeah, has ever gone down the wrong pipe? I'm just asking the lady in the eye.
Starting point is 00:20:22 Just shoot at your nose. Yeah. I'm sorry, the ladies in the audience. Just shoot set your nose. Yeah. And shoot. Oh, I was sorry. Some is weird. I knew a girl where it came out her nose. It was like a thing. And when we were laughing, she went down the wrong pipe,
Starting point is 00:20:33 came out her nose. And it was just a story that got told over and over. And she just went, there was just so much. I can't. My ex girlfriend, it went down the wrong pipe. Which really goes from shot it down the wrong pipe. Now you go from being like So erotic to are you okay? You go from there? Oh fuck. That feels so good. Are you on top?
Starting point is 00:20:59 Keanu Reeves all touch women all pictures of him with women. Yeah his hands are I gonna say if it's a girl I don't know if I'm taking pictures after a show for the most part My hand on the woman is holding something not touching them whether it be like a water bottle or a cigarette or something Yeah, or I tend to make fists with my hands and kind of put like the you know Just like the outside of the fingers like I only shoulder. I only shoulder. Oh, it's really trying to get close to the tip. I get it. Yeah, but you're creep. I'm trying to say I don't do that. I'm a person who goes in, even with the back, are you touching their fists to their back?
Starting point is 00:21:33 Uh, it's weird. To top, so I just kind of keep a fist and don't touch. It's weird, huh? It's weird. No, yeah, it's probably weird. I know you go in for the thing where you push your hand on the back of the back of the head and try to push down to just dick, but you know what I do.
Starting point is 00:21:44 I actually reach, I reach around a grab their throat from under the Counter-eaves is officially a national treasure Not only is he having a moment. This is what I don't like. This is this is immediately. I'm just gonna tell you something Yeah, I hate this or anything celebrated for doing this. Yes. I immediately have a gripe with this because Understandable that he doesn't want to touch women that's fine, but then when you over highlight it like this and then immediately in a cosmopolitan it's like, why men aren't touching women anymore? And you're like, you can't, because somewhere there's going to be an opposite article, which is like, which is he's not taking the whole thing as the tweet about it goes, oh man, can't a reason taking any chances. And it's like, they're celebrating us. Good, because I actually believe a bulk,
Starting point is 00:22:27 the bulk of women in the world, or at least in this country for sure. If you're taking a picture and you put your arm around their arm or shoulder, you know, in like a chummy way, I don't think they give a fuck that your hand is like on the most part. I don't, I just don't, because we're like, I feel like I'm a big presence, like very large, I feel like I'm grabbing on the more tight for the most part. I don't just pick, and I don't just don't, because weird, like I feel like I'm a big presence,
Starting point is 00:22:46 like very archie, I feel like I'm grabbing on the people and stuff. Good news, everybody. Keanu Reeves just made it real weird. So if you plan on taking pictures with me in Chicago this weekend, prepare for the force field. Yeah, then I'm gonna block, I'm gonna block and you're gonna try to touch me and then make sure
Starting point is 00:23:00 your hands are seen though, like Keanu Reeves are also gonna think they're inside of you. Yeah. Oh no, that's what we make it look like that I'm a whole lot of puppet. Yeah. Hi, everyone. It's DJ Lou here on this week's Lost Tapes Dan and J review at the heart of gold in HBO documentary about convicted kid toucher Larry Nasser.
Starting point is 00:23:19 We're talking about the documentary at the heart of gold inside the USA Gymnastics scandal. It's an HBO documentary. It's about the sexual abuse The athletes faced at the hands of Dr. Larry Nasser real perfect Shit, perfect face for how big of a piece of shit he is. Yeah Is everybody okay? Would anyone like a vagina check? It really does have he has the the meek fucking clammy hands
Starting point is 00:23:50 Jacob I mean you have to just hate this guy, right? Yeah, you're stealing your idea You go I had this idea 1984 I said I was gonna finger Mary Lou retten it all costs. I always wanted wear, I wanted to wear Nadia coming each like a bowling ball. But first you can do it. Yeah. Perfect. 10. You got your finger inside that tight snacks.
Starting point is 00:24:12 What a 10. Oh, no, I'm just resetting your ankle. Oh, dude, I'll do your push. Push. Well, let's get through your push. Let's get, let's get, let's get through your push. How did I texted you initially? Is there so many patterns with him in the other documentary because he wins the trust over the parents
Starting point is 00:24:29 He molested the kids like in front of the parents with a ducted in plain sight right ducted in plain Yeah, so like some are he's a Michael Jackson Michael Jackson B in Larry and Assar have a lot of similar They have a lot of similar things. One, great leadership qualities. I mean, unbelievable medicine backgrounds. All three, you don't know this about B. He was a traveling dentist. That guy was a traveling doctor. He was a traveling doctor.
Starting point is 00:24:55 Yeah, sure, did he abduct that girl? Yeah, but he was also deductors with that borders. So, you tell him what, he would help out in the end. To the one can, he's allowed the other, I say 100%. He pulled kids out of rubble. What did you do? What have you done, monster? What have you done lately?
Starting point is 00:25:07 The thing that fucked me up about at the heart of gold was at the very end where they were like, if your child tells you that an adult makes them uncomfortable, ask more questions then, oh, it's all right. He's just Larry. Because the whole documentary, they said that these athletes and their families. They're really prepared for the stupid people though, right? That is a funny thing. Yeah, if your kids say someone touched you uncomfortable, you don't go Come on, that's just Steve
Starting point is 00:25:32 Dude, that's most of the parents in this documentary out of the gates the one that seemed the most upset at the trial Yeah, the one that really look because she really believed in him the most. Yeah, she's gonna be using the cough But I've never seen that I've done it multiple times, do it when I chew. Never done it in my life. I live it right on the microphone. I know you do. You're strict. I'm angry.
Starting point is 00:25:51 You're strict. You're straight to Mike. Straight to Mike, buddy. Yeah. No, but this guy though, he gets one to believe in what he's doing. Well, I think he got him all, I think he got him all to believe in what he's doing.
Starting point is 00:26:03 No, he did, but once he got the one, that's why the one was so upset was because she blamed herself for so many more because when they would come to her, I mean, like, hey, did Larry finger blast you? And they were like, oh, no, he's just resetting your ankle through your pussy. Which is, by the way, we should explain that's exactly.
Starting point is 00:26:18 His form of molestation was he didn't have sex with these girls. Well, he had, he digitally penetrated them. Yeah, he fingered them in front of their parents oftentimes. I get a lot of pus. No, I mean, the girl said he was masturbating in the corner. Well, the one girl said when she flipped out, he ran into the corner to hide his erection, which how at what session do you
Starting point is 00:26:40 be like, all right, so just I was going to let you know me fixing your ankle gives me a super rock hardcock. You know, the working title for this was a NASA showing. NASA gives to us takes liberty. I was gonna say the tent Larry the tent. It's a comedy Larry the tent because I get hard and you can see my socks. He's such a Larry. We set you. Yeah. The scariest part for me watching it was the way. I can't find a doctor to finger me. You've recommended it. You go, if my lower back, I just need to get in there and finger me, the doctor goes, that's not how that works.
Starting point is 00:27:13 Just a, can you reset my ankle from a pussy? The parents would be in the room the first time that he would do it. He would just slide it in like it was no big deal. And they said he wouldn't stop talking the whole time Yeah, and just the idea of this guy just like Just in there And then just like it never happened and it just goes on forever
Starting point is 00:27:36 Talk to this to you. He goes anyways. Yeah, the weather outside is yeah You guys you guys to live in the same place over there? Yeah. He goes fucking pretty bad snowfall last week. Yeah. Get it. Get it. Listen to angels about to go to national soccer.
Starting point is 00:27:52 You guys have to have a fuck. Your ankle's going to be so fucking loose. Yeah, it's a flop. Take a stop nodding while we're doing this. Yes, stop. We're doing a bad thing. We're making a bad joke and you're a height man. But you're not even, that's exactly what he did.
Starting point is 00:28:03 It's incredible. No, it's not exactly what he did. He tried to get you know, it kept them much more together. I know, but he didn't quit his team. He didn't do a fucking that's the bring light to the darkness of this. Yeah, the the do is that is him doing fucking creepy fucking dude fingering a regular girl, not a child in front of her parents. Just making eye contact with his dad and he goes, I'm the dad now. And he goes, why do you say that? And he goes, you know, he's fixed.
Starting point is 00:28:30 And he takes his hand out. Why sit like he was handling, he goes, ha, see in the quarterfinals. You're gonna nail that backflip. Oh, she's ready now. Goal down, huh? She is, she's ready for that backflip. Such a piece of shit.
Starting point is 00:28:41 Hope you enjoyed this week's Best of the Bond Fire. You can listen to the show live every Monday through Thursday from 6th APM East on Comedy Central Radio, Series XM 95, or on demand on the Series XM app. Be sure to follow us on all social media at the Bond Fire at SXM. This has been a Comedy Central podcast. you

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