The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Bareback Mountain (feat. Justin Silver)
Episode Date: May 30, 2024Justin Silver calls in to give Jacob advice on hair care and also to entice him to join a group of nude, male models. Bob walks into the show wearing his new Ray-Ban Meta Smart Glasses. Talk of tele...vision theme songs leads to Bobby belting out a tune. FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf
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And now the bonfire with Big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly
I don't know what's happening Guns N' Roses doing a cover of I believe a misfit song. No, I know that
I'm being I'm being I'm being yelled at by Jake
Why was happened here with your glasses with your new attitude?
What your Ray-Ban attitude I have I have the new?
Meta Ray-Bans. Yeah. And I... Bobby Gadgets. Bobby Gadge. You know, Tech Talk with Bobby and Friends. Of course. And I came in, I did a nice
little video, and I sent it to the group, and now Jacob is yelling at me about something that I think I should know.
He is getting snappy with you but you crossed one of his several lines.
This is all walk out.
A walk out line.
This is enough to walk right out.
This isn't a discussion.
Bobby came in with his newfangled glasses.
Meta.
Meta.
Your Meta glasses, we could talk to him.
We were outside perving on chicks.
Yeah, I sent you that photo, that girl you wanted me to take a,
Meta, take a pic.
Meta, take a pic of this chick and really focus on her hams.
But yeah, so Bobby's wearing it and he came in the room.
You could tell Bobby turns on,
he's putting on the Ritz voice.
There's a blinking light on it too.
There's a blinking light that comes through
and then Jacob didn't realize what was happening at first
and he had his back to you.
Yes.
You film the top of Jacob's head, the back of his head.
Is that, is that?
He don't like that.
What, is that where something happened?
Yes, that's where the molester fucked him.
Yes.
You had your fucking shiny lights gonna burn a hole right molester fucked him. Yes. You're getting your fucking shiny lights
gonna burn a hole right through those fucking hairs.
Yeah.
But I don't know, is that a,
is there any way to get a list of rules?
I had no idea of this rule until this moment right now,
but I'm glad I didn't break it.
It's a rule.
It's a rule.
It's a rule.
I didn't know either, but I would have guessed,
no, you know what?
I could have made the exact same mistake
and then found out that it's a rule now,
but it's a rule, I understand that.
It's a Jacob rule.
Yeah.
Okay, so why don't we, if we could, Christine,
can we start taking notes of Jacob rules?
And also, only film Jacob dick up.
Dick up.
It's gotta be from below his dick, shooting straight up.
Dick up, okay, so no behind that. so I can post the video if I edit it.
Sure.
Okay.
The first ten seconds.
First ten seconds.
I think, Jacob, turn around.
I think the back of your head isn't as bad as you feel.
Yeah, can I see it?
Am I crazy?
No, it's good.
You're just worried about it not being good.
I take my hair tonic.
So why would you be worried about it being soon?
Yeah, why would you worry about it?
Because it's lights?
You think the lights will shine through a star needs his angle. Got you. You have a side
Right. Well, I'm always trying to lower the lights in here And if Bobby's gonna be filming the top of your head from here on out
Which I think is now a new thing top of the head with Jacob
You're like an indie director you have to have a rolled up newspaper
and a fucking soft cap on.
I didn't know he was coming in with his spy kid glasses.
Well, I mean, I did show you.
Always be prepared.
I showed you them outside,
and it does have a light that goes on.
And I came in and I got a nice fun video, I thought.
It's great.
With him staring outside when you were talking to him,
you didn't know this, but he was staring at your brain
through the back of your head.
I mean, he was asking for it.
Meta, send X-rays.
Cat scan Jacob.
Hey Meta, cat scan Jacob.
I wonder if I, I wonder if,
because you can say, hey Meta, what am I looking at?
I wonder if I looked at the back of your head,
you would say a balding middle-aged man.
So there's a lighting.
There's a lighting that you'd be absolutely fine
With top your head being shown just not lights blaring on which I understand that too. I think sometimes I
Could I have a pretty thick head of hair?
But if I shine light like bathroom lights sometimes make it look like my hair is like
Thinning be I'm sure it is my age, but I mean like it looks like it's thinning more just because it you see the head
Through it. I have a lot of hair too, but it's the lighting in here is the light makes it look like always got those long luscious locks
This is not being posted watch this she kills me go ahead. Here's the the proof
Okay, I don't want to even look at it. It hurts me to see this
Let's just be let's see a light is blazing on the top of my head here. And... Ah! That's not bad.
Nah, I'm not checking that ain't bad at all.
It's not bad.
It's also blur.
It's really not.
And it goes by fast.
Watch how fast it goes.
We gotta play it in real time.
Play it real time.
Watch.
You can't see anything.
No, fuck that.
Really?
Wow, really, I'm surprised you said that.
I mean, whatever.
I'm sure I'm extra sensitive.
Yeah, no, that's not a thing I would think of at all.
You look great.
You have a great set of hair on top.
Thank you. It looks great, but I mean it needs
Tonic tender tender loving care. I take you'll see you take tonic
Some loopy assholes weird concoction
Whatever you got
Send it my way. I'll throw it on top of my head. Why don't you do the?
Justin Justin's guy
Also me and Bobby's has a doctor who a guy pulled out
from behind a box of Eggos and told me
this is the cure for baldness.
And then he never spoke about it again.
He also said he's fixed his mom's dementia.
Dr. Kelly, I swear to God he showed me that video.
He showed me the video.
It's inarguable.
But it's like mad scientist shit.
He's like, society's not ready to hear it.
He's like, but cancer could be a thing of the past.
Why don't you go to the farm for a week?
I'm pretty sure that's how Jacob gets his hair,
Justin gets his hair back.
Why don't you go up to the farm and jerk off guys?
Yeah, they do one of those parties
where they inject your head with your own,
you know, the doping with your own blood and hair cells.
No, no, no, but they do that.
It's like, you know, when Steve Martin
and a bunch of his friends get together
before their colonoscopies,
they all hang out together and shoot the shit for the night.
And fast.
No, Justin counseled me.
I go to Justin's guy.
We all look at the guy to the...
Jacob, I see you trying to dance around this,
but let me tell you,
you're not gonna grow that hair back
Without doing something gay with these guys
I feel like you're trying to discuss a way where you can get the information and your hands on the materials without doing something gay
But no welcome to Hollywood. Yeah, let me tell you then you watch Kevin Spacey's talking
Happens buddy. Yeah, you got to suck a little little dick and hope to Christ this works with your hair.
I don't wanna be a star that bad.
But you want that hair.
You'd like some luscious locks.
Do I wanna see Jacob with a beaver hair?
With like a young beaver across his face?
But Justin will, he knows everything.
The man's a genius when it comes to hair.
You have to go to the farm.
You have to go to the farm
and you have to jerk off a great Dane the secret that take that
Come mix it with the good other guys come and then put it in your hair
And then you have to sit in the barn for a night
It'll all be photographed very artistically in black and white and put in
Periodicals not of this country. I don't want to do that. Well, Jacob, then I guess go bald. No, wait. I mean...
How much you can't even help a guy.
Hang on.
There's got to be some middle ground here.
There's no middle ground, Jacob.
You want hair or not.
Get Justin on the horn.
I don't think there's any way.
I think Justin's going to tell you there's no way around this.
Justin tells me about stuff like he'll say, this thing will your your hair will look like the hair of a 10 year old
If you do this procedure, he's like dude. It's only five grand
And I wanna I want to cry he'll tell me all this stuff and then he'll tell me the price the afterward
Look, I don't know how he lives
Well, I don't know how you didn't see it because of the things he says right away sound like bazillion dollar ideas
He's like, all right first things first
There's a small cell behind your eye. They have to get
And that's part of the story goes then they put it in a centrifuge
They mix it all up boop at a boop being bang shoot it back into your head. Look at us
Feel how lush is a lot of center rolling stones and you know that about me and you have to skim a pool topless
Three mornings in a row
There is a lot of centrifuges in this but he has all he has fantastic hair if you saw my guy
Me and Jay's guy, dr. Gale. He does have
Injection he has all this stuff and he has an office downtown. You don't have to go to his weird
I think it's crazy. Oh, dude PRP. Yes right here. It's happening
I think it's crazy. No dude PRP. Yes right here. It's happening
Jacob they inject they they take your blood they put it through a centrifuge and I don't know like shoot it with gamma Radiation gamma rays and then injected into the top of your head
Your bones become steel. Yeah, yes angry and you become green and you hulk up. Well, that's only if they give you too much
Dr. Gales very measured I say go to the apartment.
It's more the adventure to me.
Have I gone to this apartment?
I've never been there when the chick's there.
I have.
I wanna be there when the chick's there,
the trophy chick.
Oh, she's gone.
Oh, gone, it's over.
I think she's gone.
It's over?
There might be a new one.
It's just him watching business TV
and talking about all of his investments
that I don't understand,
and then shows me crazy vials that he says
are just curing things that you would never believe
to be true.
I think I'd like to pay him to do some offshore stuff.
I think one of his treatments said,
well, part of it's the boat rental.
You can't do it on American soil.
See, I have a little fatty thing on my hand.
I've had it since I was a kid. And he was like, I can take care it on American soil. See the little, I have a little fatty thing on my hand.
I've had it since I was a kid.
And he was like, I can take care of that right now.
And he just stuck a needle in it.
I was like, what the fuck are we doing?
He's like, stuff, crazy shit.
He started just trying to suck shit out of it.
I was like, dude, I'm gonna.
Do you know how much I believe him?
He told me, I always get, he does the Botox in my armpits.
So my armpits don't sweat bad, right and or at all and
Do you have a problem or is it just a you a regular human being your hoodies in July
To shake
No, but weirdly enough. I'm not a mega like sweaty all over my body like type guy, but I would but it is I'm not wrong
For a while. It's just like for some reason my armpits like just would get like super. I don't know why they just got super sweat
I was not a big like head sweater and none of that was my armpits would always get sweaty
I'm sure where hoodies in on like 80. It didn't help. Yes, what does help Botox my armpits last time I went there
He goes that last time the Botox that's pretty long for you, but I got this new stuff
It's synthetic
Whatever, but like it's
It's supposed to last like longer. She's lasting a full year, and I was like throw it in there
Lay me on this bench in your living room
Half pay attention while you watch business television and crank it to my armpit
He also says things he touches my armpit every time and goes cuz I'm fat he goes
Oh, you got a little like mass kind of here and but I go what he's like. Yeah, that's fit
He was that right there. That's like the piece feels like tender when I push it around like yes, he goes. Yeah
Yeah, you got one of those and I go is it dangerous? He's like no I got him too. It's fine
Just fat shit, but he always got him too, it's fine. Just fat shit.
But he always has like a table that's stained.
Yeah.
Like, he doesn't clean his table,
and he has needles and like medical devices
that he's sticking in you,
and he doesn't even clean his table.
I let him unsuccessfully put a laser to my face.
I still have the thing, but yeah,
took a laser to the face at his apartment.
And I let him do more
he uh oh we have Justin on the phone Justin Justin yes boys thank you for
coming down from the mountain for us welcome Beastmaster lives question yes
Bobby is the fat thing on your hand he's referring to your hand you son of a bitch you piece of shit
coming fucking I lost I lost a lot of weight I lost a lot of weight I lost a hundred and forty pounds
no your hands and feet are the first you piece of shit okay your little michelin man hands oh I have
I've never had fat hands what is this heel turn I mean? I mean, what the hell? You know, I'm not a fan, Justin.
I'm sorry.
Hi, guys.
Hi, buddy.
So we're over here talking to Jacob.
Bobby came in to catch you up to speed here.
Bobby came in with his new meta glasses, meta ray bands,
where they record video and you can talk to them.
It's great.
It seems like it's pretty much mostly made
to perv out on chicks.
But I don't see another use for it.
It has headphones.
It's got headphones that play music not very loud.
And there's sunglasses.
There's sunglasses for sure.
But it says things.
The Terminator vision type of thing.
And really once you get over the novelty
of the only other thing they do
is you can look at something and go,
what am I looking at?
And it goes, a street in New York.
That's so, yeah, the machines are comprising.
Anyway, Bobby comes in with his fun new glasses on.
They are fun, Bobby.
I'm downplaying them.
They're pretty neat.
They're pretty neat.
I get it.
No, you didn't waste a ton of money on something
you're gonna be over in five seconds.
And then your son's gonna be running around
looking up skirts.
I'm trying them out for 30 days. 30 days and then you can return them.
So I'm trying them out. You're gonna return them I feel like. I might. You're gonna be over. I might.
Too early. You told me with the Apple visions you said don't get this one.
Well the Apple vision is Apple they don't you know what I mean they don't
let you do anything you can't watch porn you can't do a lot you can only do Apple
shit. How can you watch porn on Apple can't do a lot. You can only do Apple shit. How can you watch, but you can watch porn
on Apple Mac, on Mac computer.
Apple, yeah, but not on the Vision for some reason.
They're very Apple.
It's like other things like Google does,
lets anybody make anything for it.
We all thought we were gonna be,
put those Apple Visions on and be like,
like a pussy right in front of our face.
Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad.
Not yet.
Soon.
But these are actually pretty cool.
Cause you talk to it, you just go Apple, I mean Meta, take a video and it will take
a 60 second video.
Then you can send it right to your Instagram story.
You can make stories.
But what you're looking at.
But yeah, what I'm looking at, correct.
Justin, I just sent you the video it took.
So I came-
No, Bobby.
I think the music in the background might be speaking right now.
But I would say destroy those things with liquid nitrogen if you could.
And kill every piece of it, because it only took one piece of that robot's arm
to change the future.
We're all gonna die.
It only took one video
for Jacob to lose his shit. So anyway, Bobby comes in with his fancy
sunglasses on and walks behind Jacob.
Bobby's got a little host voice.
He's hosting a video.
And Jacob looked kind of confused and I said, Jacob, Bobby's recording you right now.
Influencer Bobby.
Influencer Bobby.
Oh, I got it.
I got it.
That was Influencer Bobby came in and was getting a nice video for the Bonfire Soche.
And Justin, you'll understand this as much as as anybody you will feel Jacob's pain here Jacob was a very upset that he was
worried very quickly are we are we posting that video because I saw you
emailed it so I saw the footage oh he said oh he sent it to the crew he
texted to the crew and when he's knows what he's looking for so when it came past the back of his head with the
Lights on top of it. I know. Yep. Yeah
He um he he panicked and he got a little like do not fucking post that
At all bad hair angle now. I will say bad hair angle. That is exactly what Jacob said
No, I'm calling you. I knew you would back Jacob up on this, but Jacob's missing one important thing here
We keep telling them of course Justin. knows Justin as the course for not only keeping your hair
But having your hair come in fuller changing everything in your life
And he can give you the little doodads into this into that and the basics with that
But I Justin I feel terrible telling him if he
wants the full secrets and they get down with the fucking aluminum the hair
illuminati that you're a part of he's gonna have to come up to the farm and do
some gay shit he thinks he's getting out of this without having to do gay shit
while fucking Austrian fucking photographer takes black and white
pictures of you Italian taking part in dog pornography let me stop from the blow on it yeah you just gotta get up
there and just close your eyes you don't Kevin Spacey style dude you don't jump
all in at once Jacob it's not like you just show up there and someone ties you
down and puts a ball gag in your mouth no they won't like that they want you to
like it what level one level one is you wash the dog shirtless.
Yeah, you sure are a much more fun dog.
You skim the pool shirtless.
You walk the fields in underwear.
First of all, I don't think I have the body to get to-
No, don't do this.
To get into this place.
Justin, go ahead.
Let me speak.
There's a reason it's called a grooming process, Jacob.
Yes. It's got a grooming process, Jacob. Yes.
That's got a double meaning.
You understand?
You gotta groom a little bit.
Yeah, you gotta get groomed.
Right.
You gotta go a little. It's a grooming process,
which means no one's just gonna hurt you.
Yes, dude, how about that?
I like that.
You dress as a cop while a woman slaps your face.
Oh, a bunch of you and other guys in tiny underwear.
Yeah, you pretend like you're a statue in a field just Justin we're looking at the
photographer's work and I don't I don't look like any of these you don't look
like them but you can look like you amongst them dude look at this man you
don't see Justin any of these pictures Jacob Justin's not any of those group
pictures he's coming in a corner Jacob, maybe you could be a little boy fountain with your little ding-ding, shootin'
out pee.
Dude, a little pee-pee fountain if people are in the water sports.
You gotta think out of the box.
These fuckin' foreign fuckin' photographer fucks are super into piss stuff.
It's true, I have no eye for photography.
Yes, you gotta think out of the box.
Shot composition's not my thing.
But it broke my heart to tell him, I feel like he's just's just like well no Justin will give me all the ins and outs I go
you're not gonna get all the deep secrets I had to get the hair Justin's
hair growth makes no sense to me Soder couldn't even figure it out
Soder couldn't figure he had to go and just get the space wig you know I mean
like it's everybody justin saved it get up there and get a little bowl of whatever he's drinking and
Dude go up there and let a bunch of thing. He doesn't want to know let a bunch of fucking
Bashful, but fucking strong young men paw at your weenus. Yeah
Just let him take little little pats at it with their hands and just knock it around
It'll get hard on its own. I promise you fall asleep naked together and make like a little alphabet
Yeah, I just think that I'm gonna take pictures. You could hide your wiener with your thigh, but you have to show side-ass
Yeah, can I ask you a good question? Sure, please?
How would you feel about being on a horse? Okay?
Horse rider now we're talking to ride horse naked. Okay, you're on a horse
naked bareback
Like the Indian you feel about that as a starter
I mean if you were on naked and afraid you'd have to get this you get to hold the mane like it's the reins
Right grab the hair and you pull it like it's a girl. You can pretend like it's a girl's hair.
I mean, I love horses.
It's like a horse's hair.
I don't love it that much.
Come on.
Well, you're not doing any cowboys.
You never see a cowboy doing that.
Yeah, you do. When a cow, when the house is lit on fire
and he's going to run out the back door and make a getaway.
Absolutely. He's got no clothes on.
Yeah, he does.
Jumps on the back mountain. Back mountain. Yeah yeah guys are fucking all over these Justin Justin was in bare
back Mountain bareback Mountain bareback Mountain is a better name for it they
must have made a porn called that bareback but Jacob look all these
pictures you could be a part of oh you wearing a Nintendo power glove and
covering your cock in a mirror?
Yeah.
A fucking weird old bald man looking creepily in a mirror
while you cover your dick with your hands, Jacob.
You could lie on a lawn in a latex outfit.
That looks good.
Damn, Justin, you get to watch all these pictures
you're taking. Show him the pool.
Show him the pool.
I've seen the pool. Oh, you've seen the pool.
There it is right there. We've all seen the pool.
There's the pool. No, no, no, no, no.
That's level seven. You're not there yet. Yeah, yeah
Yeah, we're the guy with wearing chain mail comes Bobby. We actually the levels the levels are done by shapes Bobby
Oh, yes, you can go back up. I think that guy's just donks hanging out on the no one picture. It's blurred. It's blurred
It's not your doom Glova you said it's a
Nintendo Nintendo Power Glove
glove you said it's a
Nintendo Nintendo Power Glove
Jacob do the one down the bottom with the knife in your mouth Justin Bieber
You love knives you think you're better than Bieber Okay, you love not a giant mouth and stick it in your stick it in your tongue like it's a nice weenie
There you are Jacob Justin we found one
Yes, we found naked in that guy's pictures a naked bodybuilder on a saddle
Jacob I see you recreating this and by the way this guy's being a little feminine if I may add I think you can
Masculine this up
Wait a minute, there's two there's two antique butt plugs
Antiques those are worth money. Those are what doctors would like put in you at a certain time, right? Antique butt plugs from the 18th century. There's also butt plugs. They're antiques.
Those are worth money.
Those are what doctors would put in you at a certain time, right?
You should really tweet out this handle.
The woodwork alone for the holder is spectacular.
Don't do that.
If you do that, Justin will lose all his hair.
Do not do that.
Justin shows up bald six months from now.
But dude, the guy with his tootsie out.
They have all their hair.
Christine, do me a favor.
Just Google, forget this guy's photography.
Google naked men riding horses.
It's all I wanna see now.
Is this possible?
That's the way you poop.
Well, Justin, anyway, thank you so, so much for calling.
I just, Jacob, I think he just didn't fully understand.
He thought that you would just give him all the information
Without him having to go through whatever sick twisted fucking gay gauntlet you've had to go through
Justin real quick what level are you at?
Hechtagon level on that. Justin real quick what level are you at? Hectagon.
Master. You're at Tom Cruise level?
He's a master. He's a third degree black belt at it.
Oh my god dude naked guys riding
horses is the funniest thing in the world. Are you doing
is this YouTube Christine? No. Yeah.
You can see Justin in the background picking blueberries.
I'm just here for the dogs just here for the dogs. It's I guess it's male for fun.com Justin
I don't know what difference pants make but the idea of like all right
All right the horse going into a gallop, and I feel like you're not sack getting no
Come on. No no no no no no there's a special part of the horses back with is it did it yeah relax
There's another yeah, Justin made
my sheath underwear
Justin made the divot over years
You really worked it in there Justin
Justin before we let you go can we do a battling Justin's with I hate the Rolling Stones, and you've known that about me
Can we do a battling Justin's with I hate the Rolling Stones and you've known that about me
Fucking great. I hate I hate the Rolling Stones and you know this about me. You know this about me
Have you not made the grid?
Justin's on the grid somewhere with a dog. No, I'm on the rich. He's on the grid. Is that what?
I'm on the grid. Oh, no, I think I just saw it. it's your but it's I think it's your butt breaking through some nylons
I think I found you Justin's in the pool
Yeah, Justin's in a pool coming out the water
I'm with the whore. I'm all over them. You're in the steam room. That's on his page Are you one of the sleeping men in underwear? I
Wouldn't be in underwear there. Have you okay? Have you ever made the cage? Yeah, what does he do?
Is he put you in kabuki makeup? Damn look at that guy's side dick. I will say this
Go up and show that guy's side dick to Bobby. Oh, yeah, when you're ready to come with you let me know
I'll do that. Dude Jacob is first coming out. Look at his fur
That's okay. All right, I guess that's okay. I'm gonna start showing my fucking top dick hair, dude
Let me lose 20 pounds. I'm gonna start showing my dick hair. My pants are gonna be so low
And I'm gonna find a lot of reasons to put my arms up in it
Oh Jacob, look at that picture you Justin a bunch of other boys lined up in jockstraps while a male cop walks by
You could be the last one on the end
Goddamn it, dude.
This guy.
This guy's green room or his fucking,
what do you call that?
The dark room must be covered in cum.
Pee-dee-dee ain't got nothing on this motherfucker.
In between the gay pornish shots,
it's like Madonna, Kim Kardashian, Justin Bieber.
Lotta Madonna.
And somewhere in there, Justin.
A lot of Lady Gaga there.
Have you, Justin, have you ever been up there
when somebody famous was up there?
I've told this story a hundred times.
I didn't hear it.
It was before Bobby.
Been there with Madonna, been there with Lady Gaga,
been there with Brad Pitt.
Yeah.
Brad Pitt.
Do not share that handle, Christine.
How was Brad?
I think I said don't share that information.
I'm like, we are live on the radio
How is brand new up? Did you talk to Brad Pitt?
Yeah, what was that like?
Why it's awesome. It's like Brad Pitt when you're riding naked on a horse of them its choice
Damn, these guys are so naked. There's so many abs and dicks at this guy's house
Katie just one dude. It's like fucking chips. Hey, does he do chubby guys? I live in other worlds. Justin, would he ever do a chubby little? Yeah, but this is Illuminati. Can me and Bobby knock off like fucking 30
pounds each if we go up there and just fucking... I'll suck off. You don't have to. I don't
want to ride the horse naked, but I'll sleep with the guys in the underwear. Oh
What else is going on here? I'll let a weird gypsy lady cover my eyes
You could tie me with you could do Shabari nodding
to a tree wax
Some candle wax is fine. There you go
But uh, we'll get one it I'll present it at the meeting. Talk to the guy. See what the guy says.
I'm not allowed to talk to the guy.
I'm allowed to talk to his sherpa.
Damn, dude.
And then he will talk to the guy.
I'd ride a horse naked.
No, you wouldn't.
Sure I would.
No, you would not.
That sounds great.
On a saddle?
Yeah.
It does sound great.
I'd do a bareback, too.
No, then I definitely wouldn't do that, dude.
Just do a nice little gallop.
I need footholes for my feet.
If my dinger's gonna be flipping around.
You have to grab the mane and launch yourself over.
You gotta grab the mane and squeeze your knees tight
so your junk doesn't hit.
First of all, I know I'm gonna try to throw my leg over so fast
I'm gonna sit on my own ball bag on a horse.
The horse is gonna take off, I'm gonna be grabbing onto his hair
and everyone's gonna see my little pecker flapping around
because I'm gonna be backwards. And hair and everyone's gonna see my little pecker flapping around cuz I'm gonna be backwards
And your whole like ball sack smells like horse
Yeah, but you hit his the horse smells like your ball sack. So it's an even trade. Yeah. Also your assholes on this fucking horses back
Yeah
He goes this horse is beautiful,
except for that shit streak right in the middle of his back.
You're gonna clean the horse with baby wipes?
Yeah.
Hey, does anything get human shit at a horsehair?
Has anyone checked on these horses?
No.
These horses have seen some things, dude.
They're like dogs.
They've seen it all.
Why is there a guy on a dog, Justin?
In a mask.
Which dog is it?
There's a picture of a guy.
I'm gonna text it to you right now.
Hang on.
There's a picture of a guy riding a dog
with other guys watching.
On cowgirl style while other guys cheer on.
And they all have masks.
What described the dog to me?
The dog is spotted, brown spotted, white,
looks like a Great Dane.
River.
Oh, okay, that makes sense.
River's a whore.
The men are raping river.
Easy.
Is that okay, Justin?
Dog's on film.
Da da da da da da.
Dog's on film.
These are, these shots are curated
and my job is to make sure of the safety of the animals.
So to answer your question, yes, this is okay.
Dude, there's a pregnant guy up there?
Oh, it's probably camera work.
It's eyes wide shut, but with dogs instead of women.
But at the end of Eyes Wide Shut, did everybody grow their hair back?
I don't think they did, Jacob.
So this is different than Eyes Wide Shut.
That's fantasy movie land.
This is real life stuff. Tangible things.
Cocks and balls you can put inside of your different holes of your body. And then, magically,
I'm not going to ask questions. My hair is fine for right now. I'll tell you what, you
get good results. Bobby's going to be up there having dogs lick his ass while guys jerk off
on his chest for sure.
Well, I'm going to say this. I'll be honest right now. I was up there and I went too far.
You went too far, you went over the edge.
If you go over the edge, it goes the other way.
The hair comes all off.
Yeah, Justin, you have to walk a tightrope of gay.
You have to go to the end and then stop.
I went too far.
They just caught me in the barn blowing horses one night
and all the hair that I got fell out.
Jacob, Justin, thank you for helping Jacob realize what the cost that nothing in this
life that's worth anything comes free, comes easy.
It's so true.
Everybody has to pay a price.
I appreciate that.
We love you.
I'll have you on the show again soon.
Justin Silver.
Justin Silver.
I am Justin Silver.
At I am Justin Silver.
At I am Justin Silver.
Justin, I'll talk to your mom.
Justin's on the road a bunch now.
Anything coming up you want to plug? anything coming you want to plug anything up
You want to plug soon?
Yes, I will be in Austin on January 22nd, and then I'm going to be at the comedy dojo
I'm sorry in general once you're me June 22nd and June 29th. I'll be at the dojo in Jersey Joe
Joe Joe's great. Have you been to the dojo? I'm not by her you you got to go down there, dude
What a great club. Yeah, it's really nice really good club. Um, I just would say they got good salmon. Thank you so much
Bye, buddy. The salmon's great at the dojo. So Jacob
The price is out there. Hey, if you're what I pay, you know what you gotta do
Yeah, dude, just get one of those leather things on your dick and catch a Falcon on your car
Do manly gay stuff. Do manly gay stuff.
There's manly gay stuff.
Falcon on your penis is manly.
That's manly.
If you don't flinch, if you don't even shake your cup of coffee, you just land there and
you're still sipping, that would be pretty badass for sure.
If a falcon landed on your dick.
Yeah, dude.
Yeah.
That claw, the three claws, just go right at you.
You get one of those fence hole diggers
but you dig it into a guy's butt?
Yes.
That's manly.
Yes.
I'm gonna fence hole digger so bad
since we all saw it in that one episode of Yellowstone.
That was great, right?
Remember that one episode of Yellowstone
where they were building a fence?
We all wanted to do that thing for a minute.
And then Rip snapped the bob wire in the guy's face.
Yeah.
That's manly.
Got five more episodes coming soon boys
You almost done October done. I'm caught up to what's
And the new ones coming out in October I believe so and is what's his name not in it, correct
Kevin Costner not in it. He's not gonna be the last five. I don't think he's in it
I don't think I think he's out what and I think he's done
I think he's done after this. I don't know if he went back. Why I don't know they had it they had a
Covich it or something. No, they had a very select scenes. Okay. I almost a cameo
He thought it was gonna be a miniseries when it first started like a lonesome dove and then it became this so successful
It became a show. Do we need five more episodes? No, I don't know if he's coming back
I think they had him and him and Taylor Sheridan had a thing. We do only need five more episodes. I know, I don't know if he's coming back. I think they had, him and Taylor Sheridan had a thing.
I think that Beth and Rip are going to their own thing,
I think over to the sixes, the three sixes,
and they're gonna spin people off into other shows.
Really?
Yeah, he might just be dead when we come back.
Any one of those spinoffs is something I would wait
six seasons until it was done before I started over again.
There's no way.
You're gonna go back and.
Although, tearing through, really enjoying Justified.
Justified's great.
Second season got really fun.
Yeah, the season with Michael Rapoport
was good in it too, right?
That's one of the later ones.
He hasn't come up yet.
He hasn't come up yet. No, sorry. This is your favorite move in the world you saw how about that was have a season three and they just don't just kill
The main character Raeland did
They have they kill off a lot of people yeah show oh they have to on Helen's did
The girl killer celler girl kid what if you justify you have to
The girl killed herself girl kid well if you justify you have to
What you call killed herself mags killed herself and what's his name did come back and plays a bigger role
Yeah, much better now. He's going back to bad. Yeah, yeah, I love it He's going back to bed and the Ava girls bad so good. He was bad pretty good, but she's good. Yeah, yeah
Bad she's with a bad brother forever now. She's with him. Yeah, but she's good. She's just hot
She's hot but hotter than the wife the wife's a little I go back and forth. I don't like the wife
I like Ava. Yeah. Well, listen if I was swing I go more for a she's fucking ride-or-die pig
but uh
You know, you know might be more like runway hot.
I, by the way, one of our, topic I wanted to bring up,
one of our most controversial, most talked about guests ever
strikes again, Liz Mealy.
Who?
Who really, she looks prettier on the show
than she does in real life.
Yeah.
Is she on a show?
Yeah, Ava is prettier.
Oh, Ava's way prettier. She real life. Yeah. Is she on a show? Yeah, Ava is prettier. Oh, Ava's way prettier.
She is overall.
Yeah.
She also just has a Kyla thing about her to me
from now from Tires, Kyla.
Netflix star Kyla Fox.
Netflix star Kyla Fox.
That's awesome.
Yeah.
She's so good on TV.
So funny.
Yeah.
Goodards.
Can't even say the goddamn line.
It's in episode one.
She has the funniest line because it's
No, yeah, she tells the guy why she got transferred to that shop because she called the guy that the f1 I can't say
Sound it out make it another word. No, I already ruined it. She's she's awesome
Good commercial tires everybody still number two Netflix
Going strong for a week now, so funny.
I mean, it was bound to be funny.
There was no way, six episodes already
signed for season two.
The manager, the main guy, his hands are fucked up.
Yeah.
Have you seen it?
Yeah.
His hands, there's something up with his hands.
And I love that they gave, like, He's a spaz? Bring up his hands,'s something up with his hands, and I love that they gave like
Fast bring up his hands his he's got giant hands. He's one of the guys from
Delco proper he but he's got these weird hands
But I love that they they just said they gave him a part
They don't you know they're just there and they don't acknowledge it
I love yes hands it look at his hands are like giant hands
Have you seen him look up in the left, left, left, top right there.
Look at those.
What happened to Steve Gerben's hands?
I mean, it sums up with that, right?
Am I crazy?
But that's part of the show.
No, he's not doing that as a character choice.
He only has one usable finger.
Yeah.
Is that real?
It's real.
You didn't notice that? I, for some reason, did not notice that. How do you not notice that? He only has one usable finger. Yeah. Is that real? It's real.
You didn't notice that?
I, for some reason, did not notice that.
How do you not notice that?
I saw him in the original tires thing too.
Yeah, his hand, I don't know what happened to it.
Does it say what happened to his hands?
I'm looking, I'm reading.
It's, I like it.
I like when they put people with weird shit and stuff instead of just casting a perfect
human being.
I like that the fact that they gave this guy, because he's hilarious and he's actually
a really good actor, but his hands are crazy.
Oh, it's arthritis.
Oh, it's arthritis, yeah.
Is it?
Yeah, something's up with him.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Good thing.
That's why things are getting ready.
Yeah.
That's why things are happening in my hands.
No.
Something's going on with him.
If you get those hands, I'll never talk to you again.
I might be having to.
I'll never.
They're locking up a little bit on me sometimes.
Christine's gonna have to hold your Starbucks cup in front of your mouth. I'm having joint issues all with it bad
Stop taking that ozempic. I
Don't think I was ever as good. This is like when I was stubbed it playing. I just said ball
I just said that I just said that
What you McCall yeah, I don't know something from my fucking joints wacky. Oh, yeah, Millie's South Park had a great ozempic
Yeah, it was really funny
It's great. I thought it would be uh
We stopped those M pick and we got sick after I burped in your face. Aren't you doing something else?
No, really you look good. You're losing weight. Thank you. I'm losing way
I thought you are 100% losing weight. I noticed it as soon as you walked up today.
Yeah, do you remember when I, well this is a very flattering shirt too.
When the last time I took-
Take a compliment, Jay.
The last time I took Ozempic was when we did the skanks weekend.
I remember you were like, did you fart?
I was like, no, I burped.
Yeah, it was fucking terrible.
Yeah, that was it.
That was the last weekend I ever did it.
It was like a goat fart right in my mouth.
I was like quitting narcotics. I'm like, I can't do this, man. I'm falling to pieces. It smelled like a fucking terrible. Yeah, that was it last week. I never did it like a goat fart right in my mouth This is like quitting narcotics. I'm like, I can't do this man. It's not gonna fall in the pieces
I thought you were still doing it
They say that now Ozempic actually helps people with their heart a lot it actually helps a lot of other things
Really? Yeah, it helps with heart shit shit and what assume weight loss in any
capacity would know the actual drug itself is helping with other things
with people which is weird it's a miracle it's a it's a weird drug jump
back in I'm gonna start taking it too let's take it I'm gonna get real I'm
gonna get thin thin where I look shitty and then we start doing the gay stuff
at the beach look at my teeth are too big for my mouth.
Do you see your girlfriend Kelly Clarkson finally admitted
like she was saying, no, I'm not on it,
no, I'm not on it, but she is taking
one of the other versions.
Settle down when you talk about Kelly like that, okay?
She's gotta do what she's gotta do.
She's a lying piece of shit.
Now fuck you and fuck you and fuck you
and fuck back to you.
Kelly is doing what she has to do.
Lying?
Fuck you, you lie.
She is a beautifully human being.
Well, now that she lost the weight.
Well, no, she's not.
Lou, don't wait.
I see her on the computer over there.
Don't waste your time playing
the justified theme song.
It sucks shit.
It does.
It's the worst theme song.
Justified?
I hate it.
It's some weird rap country combo.
It's bad.
Oh, yeah, it is bad.
It sucks.
It's not good. Most of the shows I like actually have a pretty cool intro you watch it the once or twice, you know
This doesn't mean here. I like goofy intros. I like Sykes intro
This real son
Was written by kitten play
Your psych song I love it
Love psych psychs you get a pill of psych song. It's fucking great. Bloodline was good
Yeah Sykes, you gotta pull up Sykes' song, it's fucking great. Bloodline was good. Yeah, Bloodline was good. Bloodline had a really good intro.
I like a nice Syke, it's poppy, it's got a good beat.
I feel like True Blood had a good one,
but that might be the gayest thing I've ever said.
You love your vampires.
I don't remember True Blood.
What, I like sexy vampires and sexy werewolves
fighting over an average girl
with a fucking Mike Fennoy a gap in her tooth.
I'm fascinated with that show
because it turned out to be just shitty show this is site what true
blood public domain for sure this is original
Listen to that beat. I hate this guy's voice.
Hang on.
You can't fall.
I know, I know, the truth, I know, you know.
Do you find it hard to hide the fact that you're gay?
I bet that guy wears white frame glasses.
I don't think that guy who plays the guitar is gay.
I bet that guy wears white frame glasses.
I bet that guy wears white frame glasses.
I bet that guy wears white frame glasses.
I bet that guy wears white frame glasses.
I bet that guy wears white frame glasses.
I bet that guy wears white frame glasses.
I bet that guy wears white frame glasses.
I bet that guy wears white frame glasses.
I bet that guy wears white frame glasses.
I bet that guy wears white frame glasses.
I bet that guy wears white frame glasses. I bet that guy wears white frame glasses. I bet that guy wears white frame glasses. I bet that guy wears white frame glasses. I bet that guy was gay. I bet that guy was white-framed glasses
There's a guy who plays keytar and means it I forgot to show you guys this that picture inspired me to Google pregnant trans man
Look, you know how many are you is that star first?
You
Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. I mean, there have been so many amazing moments actually. It's just my team was out. This playoff is awesome. Well, the Knicks ran the table with
four great games. Then the Celtics ran the table. I know. They said Celtics ran the table.
Oh, you said Knicks. Oh, I didn't. The Knicks didn't run the table, but they beat us. Celtics
ran the table in the Eastern Conference Championships,
and the West hanging on by a thread now.
But don't bet on Anthony Edwards, man.
Lace some money on that.
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I gotta see what the numbers are, but I think we go black low. I think we go over
Anthony edwards, okay. He's gonna go off sounds good to me. He's got it's elimination games from here on out
Kyrie irving though First game he ever lost in a closeout game that was a fact
last night's game be some fun stats Anthony Edwards from law and order not
that Anthony Edwards okay no not goose oh okay he's a basketball player he's
22 he's a phenom Bobby I mean peak you have a son you have to pass this on to.
You can't just have him doing ballet in LaCrosse.
He doesn't do ballet, you bitch.
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I got good at commercials over the decade. Pretty good. Over a decade. Did you fuck them up when you first started? I fuck them up now, but like I think I just got a good sell voice. You know what
I mean? It's me still, but I put a little... You found your rhythm. I put a little schmutz into it,
you know what I mean? I'm not gonna... You're supposed to go, buzzer beating slams, slam dunks, surprising steals,
basketball playoffs are filled with amazing stories like these.
I gave it a little schmutz.
I think you're great at it.
It's actually inspired me to become better.
Why'd you say sarcastic stare at me and drink water?
I... What are you talking about?
Can I show you what you just did?
Yeah.
I'm gonna do it with my chai, ready?
Sure.
You went, you're great.
You inspired me to get better.
Did I do that?
Doesn't it seem like you were like,
All right, let me try it again,
let me try it again.
Dude, you're so good at it.
I mean, it inspired me to be better at doing reads.
The problem is you're a phenomenal actor.
I really am good.
You're good because you did mean it's sarcastic the first time now
You just sent me a different selling of it. You did you the way you do reads has made me actually
Inspired me to become better. I actually feel like my reads have gotten better because of you. Thank you Jay
God son of a bitch is good.
You're doing yourself a disservice
by being here and not go getting your Emmy.
I'll see you guys later.
Guys, it's Helly Ho.
That's been Acting Corner with Bob.
With Robear.
I thought we were commercial time.
You know what is a good, I think the best theme song
for a show?
Game of Thrones was a good one.
Yeah.
It was kinda cool, but it evoked too much, again,
like fantasy and orc shit that I just don't care about.
I remember when we used to,
Norton used to come over on Sundays to watch it with us,
and he would, him and Don would dance.
Yeah.
Like that spinny, shitty, you know, 14th century dance.
They would get up at the beginning every time and just dance together. like that spinny shitty, you know, 14th century dance,
they would get up at the beginning every time and just dance together.
And it made me sick to my stomach.
I'd throw a rock at my own family.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
It's like intense. It's that same like,
do do do do, do do do do, do do do do do.
Yeah, but those orchestral songs.
What's True bloods I
Won't do bad things. Yes. Yeah, there's cans now you're wrong the sun
I won't do bad things to you
Sons of anchor I think they did I think they did
Did you ever hear sex drugs and rock and roll theme song?
Yes, did you like it?
You never heard it. I mean, I don't remember it sex drug. Well, he actually on that show both seasons
They had to do a whole album. There's two albums out with Liz you play drums on them
No, I didn't dude I didn't I'd say I learned how to play drums in two months from a guy from fucking
Scotland on on on zoom or whatever the fuck we're on and then when I went in the first scene
I had to play drums. They were so
So like oh my god, dude, that was great.
They were like, cut it off, let's just get Bobby
playing the drums, because they thought
I was actually playing it.
And it was so bad, dude.
I was so off everything.
They were like, they just like, cut, cut, we're good, we're good.
Yeah, there it is, right here. I can play this
That's Dennis that's Larry. Yeah, I learned to play this song I'm an asshole. Oh, yeah
That's not bad that's not a bad song
Original song that he wrote it got pretty corny the chorus
What's a X-Rock was original.
Z-Rock, the show that I was on, was just the original music.
Yeah, it's all on YouTube now.
What?
Z-Rock.
All seasons?
Yeah.
Every episode?
Go check it out.
Go check it out.
Please.
This is the opening song.
That's the stars theme.
I'm bum-bombing.
It was on stars?
No, jump ahead.
I think stars is a partner on it.
Me, my brother Dave, and my friend Joey.
Gotta get to the song.
I've never seen it.
But look at the thumbnails as you skip across.
You're just accepting that we don't know what's gonna happen.
Where does it come in?
To my life. Christine, are you gonna help?
Oh god, he's panicking so you don't have to panic
don't panic everybody loves you Lou you're doing a great job I don't think
this is the intro to those who episode this seems like it's been way more
difficult fuck it's a shit song I hate it I hate the song now
this is it?
This is gay.
We gotta play for kids. And the more Are you ready
Are you ready to start the show
He's got a voice on him.
What happened to this guy?
He's still singing.
Paulie, he still sings in the monstrosity.
He's un-fucking-real.
He does I Remember You by Skid Row and hits it all.
He looks like the lead singer of Greta Van Susteren.
What is that? Greta Van Susteren. No, Greta Van Susteren. What is it? Greta Van Susteren.
No, Greta Van Susteren.
He just came out. He's gay.
Is he? No shit.
That explains his stupid one-piece outfits
with his hog hanging out.
Did he just come out?
I don't know. She said it.
Recently.
Greta Van Susteren.
I think I heard her on Stern, actually.
Bring up Pauly Z doing I Remember You
and go towards the end of it.
The guy's still got a voice. It's crazy.
It's crazy to not be more famous.
That's how dime a dozen good singing is.
I know.
It's almost sad.
It's scary.
Yeah.
It's dime a dozen good acting, I think, too, probably.
Yeah.
Like, uh.
Dime a dozen comedy.
Does that remember you?
With how much bad acting there is on film.
Just go with like, you know, a couple minutes left.
Just go with like a couple minutes left.
That's so sad.
Pretty nutty. I could sing that. Go ahead.
I remember you
it wasn't as far off as I wanted it to be
now it's just a little part coming up
I remember you
now
I remember you! I remember you!
Nightless nights,
the heavy days!
I remember you!
I remember you!
I remember you! And by you
I mean, not bad.
You gave, buddy.
Not bad.
You're sweating.
My eyes, my left eye, my eyes looking left in my right eyes looking right
You wanted to hit that note so bad. I want you to hit it you hit it. I hit it
You hit it did you sustain as long as you didn't know but when you realize you weren't sustaining you chug right back in without
Taking your breath back in. Oh my god poor one on top of your head
That was intense. We'll take a break everybody. Bobby Kelly,
he's gonna be in Port Charlotte.
FLOW ME DOWN!
I remember you!
That's June 7th and 8th everybody! Next Friday and Saturday.
After that, he's gonna be in
St. Louis, Timonium, Maryland,
and Port Smith Smith New Hampshire
New Hampshire
I've got a bunch of lives
for all my stupid videos
and my special
kill boxes
free on there
fucking uncentered
and Big J is gonna be
at Love Island in Broad Fucking uncentered and big J's gonna be
Saturday to be there. Well, it's a Friday Saturday
Gonna be on the fully loaded festival City the 27th June and then the ball got off
in Atlantic City the 27th of July
June and then the ball got off
in Atlantic City the 27th of July
Big James comedy dot com
Big James comedy dot com
Big James comedy dot com
Jesus I'm out of breath
I'm out of breath watching you
Here comes falling out of breath
I'm out of breath watching you
I'm out of breath watching you
I'm out of breath watching you
I'm out of breath watching you
I'm out of breath watching you
I'm out of breath watching you
I'm out of breath watching you I'm out of breath watching you I'm out of breath watching you I'm out of breath watching you I'm out of breath watching you Big James Cumberland, he's not home!