The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Biting Cheeks at the Nashville Comedy Fest

Episode Date: April 18, 2025

At the SiriusXM Nashville studios before a live studio audience, the guys get to know the listeners who came out to see the show. Bobby flirts with women and tries to bite a gentleman's cheek. Bob had an embarrassing moment in a Porta Potty which Jay took video of. An audience member named Deja talks about her dating history and speed dates with Bobby. A manager of a BBQ restaurant takes offence when Jay kids that the food may not be great. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolfSubscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.

And now the bonfire with Big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly live from the Sirius XM studios in Nashville Yeah, yeah, this is Joey roll also didn't want to come in I Steven Wilson jr. Was gonna come in right, but it's something he had a family thing, but he did say he would love to, but he couldn't. Yeah, what else are you going to say when you can't? That's great. Oh, man, I would have done anything I could to be there for wasn't for this one thing it happens to be. Yeah. Yeah. Guestless. SiriusXM, Faction Talk 103.

No one lives in Nashville who wants to play with us at this time of day. Yeah. We have a lot of friends here. We do. Well, listen, we've been scurrying around hard at this festival. We have story wars happening all weekend. I mean, the lineups are getting all over the place. I mean, they're fun because it's so wacky, but a little preview tonight, we have L. King, Yakov Smirnov and Jared Freed. I feel like we're all gonna know Yakov's stories. Like, Judge Harry used to make me laugh with blah blah blah.

That's gonna be Yakov Smirnoff for sure. Did you not remember he was on night court? Yeah, he was on night court, yeah I do. I feel like you didn't know when I first said it. I said it, I laughed, you asshole. What do you want to do, high five you? You did this, you went, ha. Jacob turned his microphone off and sat back.

That was my laugh. It looks like Jacob has tits when he leans in like that. Damn, Jacob. Doesn't it, lean in, no, no, no, lean in. Must be so tough, you got fat tits. Yeah, you got Florida tits. Yeah, you got Florida tits. Dude, sick Florida tits, dude. Yeah, those are guy who owns a boat

who rents it out for swinger's parties, tits. I do not have tits. You were saying in the break that your other dog is losing its eyes too? Well, she's blind in one eye. What the fuck are you doing? Why? What are you feeding your dogs, man?

What's your dog's name name Curly? You just keep bunking it with the fucking fingers in the eyes? Get over here Curly. I'm trying to train her to put her paw up between her eyes. She'll get it. Why is your dog, what's going on with all the dogs losing eyes in your household? I don't know, it's related. Like Peta, the little one, she's 16 now and she's just had a cataract in one eye. So she has a milky eye. Yuck.

I like, yeah, it's gross. If Christine had a milky eye, would you stay with her? No. No. It'd be kind of hot, just one milky eye. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. A girl who's super into Wiccan shit with a milky eye is gonna age well, for sure.

Maybe she can. Oh yeah, I'll sit there, I'll buy her a cauldron for the backyard to constantly stir. You put her out front on Halloween, now that you have a house. I thought she was out of the room and then her laugh just came through the crack. Yeah, right through that couple. We, so we had an idea, me and Jay, that we have you guys here, right?

Right. And, uh... Who needs fancy celebrity guests? We don't need fancy celebrity guests. We're gonna pick one of you to be our guest on the show. But we're gonna have to audition. Oh, this is Tornado Alley. I thought that was like a fucking weather thing coming up. Are we all gonna die?

It was a drum roll. It was a drum roll. What did you think it was? Your stomach? I thought it was the god coming to take us all home. I'll be honest with you. So I thought it was. It just started rumbling. So we're going to pick one of you guys. So whoever would like to do it, you can raise your hand.

And then we're going to interview you. Nobody's going to raise their hand. You have to aggressively force people to talk into a microphone in a world like this, Bobby. Well, can we try it? Ready? Maybe you're wrong. Who would like to be the guest on the show? All right, not her. Listen, we'll just

pick. No, I'm kidding. My mom. It's a comedy show. But now don't you want to only ask that lady question? She tried to sandbag her friend? Because she didn't want to talk. Who were you pointing at? Me. But I mean, what's the relation to you? Oh? You're just trying to she's actually my manager at work. Oh, what do you work? What's what's fucking edlies the best barbecue in Nashville? Oh is it? Don't they say that in every barbecue place well they must because no one here agreed Who thinks edlies is the best? Yikes. Wow.

That is a hot fuck you from the community that loves barbecue. Damn. Nobody has been to Edleys? They also love the bonfire in Nashville. Mama, I would love Edleys. I don't fucking know. It's just these people.

Have you been to at least Wow holy god, I mean people are mad Yeah, I've been there. What happened? I'm left the yellow preview review it stinks. What I? Think I would love to try it. I would love how far is Bobby. I don't I don't know, dude. Bobby, we went to Hattie B's today, and then Bobby ate Nashville hot chicken. And then we went. Do not tell, okay. Please don't tell them.

And then we went outside, and Bobby goes, I ate too much. I'm gonna dump. I think I'm gonna dump. And I go, well wait, because I go, you mean you're gonna like shit? And he was like, he goes, no dude, dump. And we know this, if you listen to this show,

Bobby, that's what they call when you eat too much with the surgery, you dump by throwing up. But I do have to keep reminding him also, I go, it does also mean take a shit, Bobby. And he goes, dude, don't make me laugh. And I go, I hope you dump both ways. But show them, show them. I go go like Darth Maul's fucking lightsaber. Just both sides, like, bang.

And then Bobby ran into a porta potty and shoved his face in the bowl to fucking yak for five minutes straight. And in between pukes he's going, blah, I hate you, blah. It was so bad, there was a pair of dirty underwear. Oh. So I puked, the original puke was from him going, and then the second and third puke was

from what I was looking at. I was just looking at- Is that a great description though? Darth Maul's double-sided lightsaber, just puking shit coming at you at the same time? God damn it made me laugh. He went, and it was, and then Bobby threw up like a fucking drunkard in a parking lot. I ate too much, because fucking Lewis ordered,

we just ordered too much food. I ordered what he got. I should have ordered my little, I should have done what you did. You did the right thing. You got like the good chicken. Three chicken tenders and two sides. That's right, I ordered fucking.

Nothing crazy. Bobby got one black. Three chicken tenders and two sides. That's right. I ordered fucking nothing crazy Already Bobby got one black three chicken tenders. I got one black size then you got dark meat. You don't you call it black meat I Don't think it's I think I fucked up. I think that was the boss into whites. I got one black. I got a small black Yeah, give me a black and two whites. I'm trying to keep the property value up. It was dark meat. Sorry, black Lou. Sorry, DJ Lou, he also likes dark meat. And how does he like it?

Black. Black. So the barbecue is a good place, yeah? No, clearly not, Bobby. Oh, you're asking them, I'm sorry. I would like to try it. I would have to be the judge of it. Because they're spoiled with barbecue.

You have so many barbecue places that they're looking at me like, fuck off, no. So are you the boss, mama? I'm a boss. You're the boss. A boss. OK, wow. Stop talking to me like you're my boss, OK?

Bobby, she's not the boss, it's a woman. That's true, that's true. We're still in Nashville. God bless America. Side boss. Wait Bobby, I. Oh now Christine's gonna chime in. No, no, no, no.

Let us have fun. I'm pulling a Jacob. You like the microaggression and you like the. I don't care about any of that. I'm pulling a Jacob. You like the microaggression and you like the back of your hair. I don't care about any of that. I'm pulling a Jacob. You threw up in a port- Why would you not just throw up in the bushes? You went into a port- There were no bushes.

Why would I fucking go to the bushes when there was an outdoor toilet five feet away from me? Unfortunately for Bobby. That doesn't flush? No. Port-a-potty? I didn't think of that. Your dumb boyfriend-

You're throwing up in shit. That's disgusting. Slashed almost almost husband fucking made me laugh. And I went, eeeh. And it came up. So you just turn and throw up on the street. No, because I was in front of the restaurant window. People were still eating chicken. It was a fat bald guy going, eeeh.

Christine, it was that funny. It was pretty funny. She can't understand. Well, it was stuck up here. I was like, please, I gotta just get it down. I gotta let it go down. And he started doing silly shit. And I was like, stop, I'm gonna throw up.

I'm gonna dump. Can't turn it off. And he just did that thing and it made me throw up. And then I laughed and laughed. But you still had to move to the porta potty. Right. I ran. I ran to it.

He never even closed the door. He was standing outside of it, projectile vomiting, I guess hoping he got it in the hole. That's actually better. Yeah, Bobby goes, and then he goes, oh dude, you gotta see it. And I went, I'm okay. No, because it did look pretty cool the way it, anyways.

It looked like art, like shit puke art. Next to a pair of underwear. Yeah, I think they were sheath. Men's? Yeah, they weren't panties. That would have been hotter? That would have been sexy. He'd be like, ugh!

Ugh! Can I ask, what does Christine mean, pulling a Jacob? Look, what does that mean? Christine, what did you mean? Asking a lot of people. Oh, going back to a topic that we're already over with. Jesus, is that called pulling a Jacob? Look what did you mean? Going back to a topic that we're already over with. Jesus, is that called pulling a Jacob? Wow, wow. Is that a thing like a constant like one time I did that today? No behind your back we say it all the time

you do it. Yeah. We have a thread without you where we can talk about what Jacob wants to talk about. Let's go Jacob like guys thread. Damn. Then Christine walked away with those girls. She was over that story. Yeah. She's like, I don't want your stupid barbecue. I just want to sip of my drink. Huh?

I just want to sip of my drink. You can hear her little witch heels. Yeah. Clink, clink, clink. So what do you think? Well, those two girls sound like, I don't know. It's probably not a lot of fun stories from the old barbecue place.

They probably think they have good stories. How about the guy with the sunglasses on and the crazy beard? I mean, he's done something. Oh, you mean probably somebody famous? What do you mean famous? Like in body cam footage? First of all, can I ask a question?

Do you have the sunglasses on because you like Jacob's dog? Are your eyes so shut or are you a sovereign citizen? Are you blind? No, no, I can't shut or are you a sovereign citizen? Are you blind? No, no. Oh, you can make it up here by yourself? Do you feel like you have to adhere to the laws of the United States government? No.

OK, I like that. I like that. Really? Do you believe we're all equal? Yes, of course. No, I don't want him. How dare he? Even women?

No, I'm kidding. I kind of like him. What do you want to do? He is good. I can't believe two single ladies came to the show. That's what's weird. There's a lot of single women. The women all that went to the bathroom.

There's three women that went to go pee-pees. Am I right? Well, to you, but to me, I get to call them what I want because that's the way life works, they're they them. Way to fucking gender label those guys. Hey dude, sorry dude. Get a haircut, you fucking asshole. Cut your hair lady. Was that two guys?

Stand up. Looks like Dan Soder and you. It does not look like Dan Soder and me. Looks like the first bonfire episode. If you drew a cartoon of us, I'm trying to think why you thought they were girls. I thought not him. Soft face. I thought he was a girl. He has a little pretty face. Is that what you meant? Yeah he's got a little cute little face. I'll bite your cheeks right now. Come up here. Let me bite your cheek. Come on up here. I want to bite your little cheek.

Ah, ah, ah, ah. You want? Come here. You froze him in fear. He's not, he's like, what? I'm not going to do that. Come up here. I want to bite your cheek.

Come on. Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Katie, are these all 800-pound gorilla people? Yeah.

Yeah. You have to give me permission to bite your cheek. Yeah, you can bite my cheek. Yeah. Yeah. Am can bite my cheek. Am I out of line? Was I fucking... I was that close? I don't know, dude. He's adorable. I want one.

I feel like that's how the girls said Louis C.K. could jerk off on them. Yeah, yeah, you can. I just want to bite this little ball right here. It's so adorable. Can I bite it? Come on. No teeth, no teeth.

All right, go sit down. Thank you for coming up. I love that he was going to let me bite his cheek. What an awesome guy. That was like a Boy Scout play about molesting. Yeah, a lot. Like kept going back. You don I want to bite it let me bite it he goes I don't know I think my parents are coming soon you're a durable

sir they all work for us all the 800 pound gorilla crew all right well who else do we got we got this that's a's a man. Look at that dude. He's been, is that your wife you're with? Yes, sir. Yes, sir. You hit her? You still hit her? Once. Nice, she learned the lesson immediately?

Well, she hit me first. She hit you first, so it was self-defense. Yeah. Did you guys both go to jail and then have crazy makeup sex? Not at all. We were both very drunk and there was a reaction. Were you guys camping in someone's backyard

when it happened? No. No. But I'm here. I gotta be honest, this took a weird turn because I, the whole thing for me was a joke assuming that you'd never hit her. He's like one time but she hit me first so it's a okay and by the way she's like square biz. I believe the courts down here call it the case of Evans versus Stevens. the case of Evans versus Stevens. Did you, you really, I'm not gonna lie to you guys. What's up? I'm not gonna lie to you.

You should. You should lie. You should lie to everybody. On a radio show, you should. Yeah, we were eating dinner, some friends of ours were sitting across from us. You were at a restaurant you hit at? No, at home.

I mean that's manly shit. You were eating dinner, so it was too fucking cold, right? You gotta strain your shit out. I said pass the potatoes She smacked me in the back of the head and oh no Yours a reaction yes, you thought it you didn't know was her I didn't know what was happening No, you didn't know was her somebody smacked you the back. Yeah, you just did kung fu just as it's inside here Now the headbutt that made that shattered her nose that was to send the message The first one was an accident, but you got to send the message after that can't leave a mark

goddamn right that's right what are the other awkward couple sitting with you do he said oh shit and that was it just kind of look down and can he secretly high-five you in the bathroom later good for you dude after he hit you should just start blowing him in the restaurant, just freak everybody out. This is our kink. Cah! Ffff! That was pretty wild, you hit her.

Yeah, no one saw that coming. Why did you whack him in the back of the head? Why would you do that? I don't remember. Wow, that's weird. She was very in-eager. Let's see if we strike gold with everybody. Sir, did you ever rape a stepdaughter?

People go, once. But she raped me first. Now who's this guy next to you? David? I think. Are you by yourself, David? I am, yeah. So you're sitting next to an abusive man?

Apparently. Well I told them, I have a one year old at home and I told them that if you guys would do a baby crawl race, that we'd be perfect. But they said Jay didn't want to do it. What the fuck are we talking about? I don't even know what you're saying. Say that again.

So my wife stayed home with our one-year-old, and I told them we could have her come in and do a crawl race, but they said you wouldn't do it. Against a baby? It'd be close. Can your baby see? She can see. She's two eyes.

OK, good. good both them visual Okay, it's more than we can say about Jacob's dogs two dogs one eye What a depressing thing to go to Florida I'm gonna go see my dying dogs and play drums and sleep with puppets Sounds like a strange fucking existence. Are you with this couple here, miss? You're by yourself also. Wait a minute, stop.

We got a solo hottie. Thank you. Bobby, you are such an old creep, dude. I love it. Hey. Hey, what's up? I took a thousand pictures of Bobby last night fucking chatting up two broads, dude.

It was great. You were in your element, dude. You were being so charming. I was until I saw you fucking videotaping me. Can I do my impression of what Bobby was doing talking to these girls? He's going. That's not what I was doing. That's not what I was doing. That's not what I was doing.

Out of leading them by their elbows. You guys are crazy. That's such bullshit. That's not. Christine. Christine. Christine. Christine. Christine. F you, Christine.

That's not what I was doing. I'll show you what I was doing. Can you come up here, ma'am? I'll show you what I was doing. Show me on the stranger. Hey, what's happening? Wow, that hurt. Wow.

It came so fast. That was crazy. It goes, hey, let's. It came so fast. That was crazy. He goes, hey, let's do a play right now. Hey, what's up? What's going on, girl? I thought we were going to like, okay, let's start. And you just, you went right in.

I'll say action. I'm old school. I'm from the 80s. That's what we used to do. Okay. No, Bobby, you need one more. We need one more girl to show you what you're doing. Get him up here, dude.

Yeah, come on. Come on up. Come on up. You play your cards right, you might not get your face bit. Yeah, come on. Come on up. Come on up. You play your cards right, you might not get your face bit. Well don't block her, you cock block. Come over here, stand right there. No, right here. Stand right here. You're not in the talent side, are you?

Come over here. What is he, on the web? What do you do at 800 pound? I do marketing for... There you go. Okay. What's your name at 800 pound? I do marketing for... There you go. Okay. Turn this one a little bit. What's your name again, man?

Evan. Evan and... Give them a little backstory. Give them a little backstory for the characters. Well, Deja, it turns out is black, I guess. I had no idea. So Bobby is a long-term, heavily committed, very sexless marriage. He's just coursing with hormones and unfulfilled boners.

I said give them a backstory, not my shitty backstory, you asshole. I'm like who's he talking about, me? You guys are two dumb sluts hanging outside his anies at night. From Canada. From Canada, and they are here and they are ready to party. Enter Bobby. Hey, what's up? Oh shit. What's happening? How you doing? Great, how are you? Where are

you from? Atlanta. Atlanta? Yeah. Wow, you're supposed to be from Vancouver. Oh fuck, that's right. So weird. Atlanta, Ontario. Good save, good save. What the fuck just happened to your head? All right. Atlanta, that's hot. What's your name?

Ooh, I'm not. Not gonna do? I gotta be honest with you. I always call improv gay, Um, ooh, uh, pass. Knock it out. I gotta be honest with you. I always call improv gay, but it must be harder than you think. What's your name? Deja. Hey, Deja?

Yeah. With a D? Yeah. That's hot. Thank you. It's real hot. Bobby, by this point in the conversation last night, you had both girls in low back holds.

You were walking around like Fonzie and fucking the Pinkie Girls or whatever. Come on, come on. Come on, come on. So stop, why don't you back off? I'm the alpha male, you're not, Deja. She wants to fight me, dude. I'm not into this.

I like Deja that too. Give me that dick. She's like too much, she's too much like Dawn. She's playing a character, Bobby. She's immersed, she's like Daniel Day-Lewis day Lewis. What are you guys you here for the fest? Actually, that's cool. You think I'm funny, huh you like me. What's the hell she's fucking me up cuz she's Chicken a long time. What's up? You know, I'll talk to you later you're too much to do it I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna. Oh that guy's not hot. You know, I'll talk to you later. You're too much to deal with. I'm just gonna bang her.

I can't do it, dude. She's got too much confidence. I like no name. This is what Bobby did. This is what Bobby did. They were around people, so Bobby. Talking to the mic. This is when I started going, no I wasn't talking.

You're just gonna pull them over to your thing, and then when they were talking, you go, hey so where you guys from, dudes? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa't talking. You're just gonna pull them over to your thing. And then when they were talking you go, hey so where you guys from dudes? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Who's that? Who's that? That was you. That's not, that's not how I talk dude.

It was dead on. Watch, move your mouth. You know what dude? Wait a minute. Try that again. What? Hey dude, you wanna come back to my place and do some dude stuff, dude?

Well, that was pretty wild. So Bobby would just ask questions, he goes, so where you girls from, huh? Ontario. Yeah. Canada's crazy, dude. They done a lot of crazy stuff up there. You probably the hottest girls out there, huh?

And then I started taking pictures of you, and Bobby act like paparazzi was coming at me. He started doing like this. I tried to slap my fucking camera away. Deja, where is that name possibly from? My parents wanted something unique. I've heard it before. Yeah, Vu. Deja Vu.

That was a joke, stupid. Let the old man get it, he loved it. Right, Dad? God damn, he really did. He's fucking buckled over right now. Let me get it. I apologize, I'll be honest with you. If he brings that much joy to just one person, dude,

you should say it again. He was buckled over when I looked over. Say your name again. Deja. I've heard that before. Oh. Well, okay, so what's funny is, so I work in a restaurant and- It's not that shitty barbecue place, is it? Because that place fucking sucks shit. I think it's great.

No. That's them, not us. We're coming tonight. What's the name of it again? No, forget it. Shit, she really is the manager. You gotta go- We're manager. You gotta go. You gotta go to that barbecue, Eden's.

Eden's. You said it. You're easy to trick. And Lays. And Lays, go there. No, I work in a restaurant, so every time I go to greet our guests, I have to like get the dumb deja vu joke out first so that they can't get it out before me.

But you can change your name. What do you do? Do you walk up to a place and say, hey, can I get the dumb deja vu joke out first so that they can't get it out before me. Right, you can change your name. What do you do? Do you walk up to a choice and say, hey, can I get you guys to start with some drinks? Hey, can I get you guys to start with some drinks? Table for two? Table for two? Have you ever hooked up with a guy from work?

No. You ever hooked up with a comedian? No. She thought about it though. You took a pause on that. Who was it, Matt Rife? Who was it? No. You ever hook up with a comedian? No. She thought about that, though. You took a pause on that. Who was it, Matt Rife? Who'd you have a can cook? No.

That doesn't count. That's lesbian sex. No. It's hot. Do you ever mush pussies with Matt Rife? I just saw the person in security guard had to stop me from French kissing him. No.

No. You think Matt Rife is hot? No. Right? You think Matt Rife is hot? No. Right? You think Matt Rive is hot? No. Yes you do. It's not my type.

Yes you do. You know what you had to do to get him to sign with the 800 pound gorilla? You gotta curl that hair up. You have straight hair. It's got turned up by some boo-foo. What nationality are you? I'm South American.

South American? Yeah. Oh cool, I'm South American. South American? Yeah. Oh cool. I'm on Duolingo for 119 days. You're from Ecuador? Do you know you're two feet too tall? So half of me is from Ecuador, so I guess that makes sense. Yeah.

What the hell? Chick, hello? What happened? What happened? He turned me off, son of a bitch. Did you feel I was getting ready to say the N-word? I felt it too. I don't even know why.

It was just, I was right there. I didn't do it, Jim. I made a mistake last night. Don't tell people now! All right, whatever. Who brings that up? What is something I should not have done last night? There's gonna be some pretty angry parents out there.

Anyway, we'll skip it. Anyway. Dej, are you single? Yes. Why? Why why why what do you get problems? No? No, you got what's right? You should not be single pussy ass teeth. You don't like cowboy hats. Yeah. Oh, I'm from Atlanta You know like big penis. Yeah, you like a small micro. You don't like black guys with gold teeth still you like fat guys You know, I just small dating pool is so bad like guys with fucking Dick pussies? No. What?

You just said words. Further elaborate on that. Let me ask you a question. Do you like dick puss, ass, eggs? Why do you not have a boyfriend that's nuts to me? I mean, I had one for four years. Did he hit you one time? No. Oh, good, good. No. he hit you one time?

No. No. Good, good. Where are you from again? Atlanta. Atlanta. No. And you worked at what type of restaurant?

It's like a more elevated fine dining restaurant. Elevated? Uh-huh. OK. It's like, um, like Ossador, Pinchos, Spanish tapas. You ever shit at work? No. You've never, ever once?

No, I can't. I'm like an at-home shitter. I can't. It's like bathroom anxiety. You ever have to shit at work? No, because I do it ever once? No, I can't, I'm like an at home shitter. I can't, it's like bathroom anxiety. You ever have to shit at work? No, cause I do it all in the morning and then I don't have to. So you just wake up and shit in the morning? Yeah.

How about you, you ever shit at 800 Pub Gorilla? Absolutely. Fuckin' love you. Fuckin' love you. I love you so much. I'm not even fucking. Deja, do you ever worry in the morning that your pile isn't large enough to consider it

the day's duke? Yeah. Yes. I have that same problem. Are you like a morning shitter as well? Me and you would be a great speed date. On three, where do you shit best? Home, home.

Oh my God. Oh my God. Now, do you wipe with baby wipes or just toilet paper? No, baby wipes are so bad for your skin. Wow, you just use dry toilet paper? Yeah, baby wipes are bad for your skin. I get it, I heard you, but you have shit in your ass right now. No.

If you use Kirkland brand from Costco, they're much less harsh on your asshole. Are they? Much. I had the same thing. The Contenel's a little chemically. It makes my o-ring hurt So you just bet you're single you said right? Yes

What was your last boyfriend? Um this was Three and a half years ago. What is guy white guy? What's wrong with you? There's nothing wrong with me I just something wrong. Okay. I work a lot like I'm a GM of a restaurant So I work a lot like GM like her. Oh, I don't know. She just said she was a like a boss She's a manager. She's one of the GM's what do you think's wrong with her Bobby? I did something wrong Maybe he was going to nipples her labia is too big. Oh, it's possible. No, it's a come out go Show you I hope you don't mind. Oh, yeah. When you take your underwear off, do your pussy lips come down like swastika flags?

And I have a, like, pffft. Yeah. Does it make, does it sound like? They unfurl? Does it sound like, pffft, pffft, pffft, pffft, pffft, pffft. When you have to put them back in? Do you fold them up like a flag? Yeah.

You have to, you have to fold them like a soldier's death. And, yeah. Uh-huh, uh-huh. There's got to be something wrong with you. You got a hemorrhoid? No, it's by choice. Like a soldier's death. Yeah There's gotta be something wrong with you got a hemorrhoid No, it's by choice. I said I work a lot. So like I'm in so there's no physical Something underneath this that you a wooden leg. No, you got not not the everything is perfect. I Mean you're like fine. Perfect. I mean, I'm just there's nothing I just me. How do you feel about Florida? You wanna fuck my friend while two blind dogs and dolls watch?

Yeah, you into that? Not bad, so bad. You into a short king? By the way, just by the nature of where the thing set up, Jacob, it looks like you're just staring at her ass, you piece of shit. It looks like you are staring at her asshole. Now you don't, you have a special someone in your life?

I don't. You don't? You guys are both single. Yeah don't, you have a special someone in your life? I don't. You don't? You guys are both single. Yeah, no, I'm single. You guys should hook up tonight. Why are you setting him up for the hurt and pain failure? You know you're being a dick right now. Fuck that, maybe they find love.

I think he's adorable. He is. Fucking love his hair. Yep. Fucking gorgeous. Absolutely. Probably would fucking eat a coochie like a beaver. I bet he's got it in him.

Is that good? Yeah, he's fucking good. Look at him, he's fucking good. Bobby, do you think the top tier of pussy eating is beaver-like? I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got. Beaver known for teeth, the opposite of what you use for eating pussy.

You don't know what chicks like nowadays, Jay. I must not. No, you're into vampire pussy. Bobby eats his pussy like a cigar. He goes, ah-choo-choo-choo-choo. Do you like women too? I'm not opposed, but it's not my thing. You've been with women?

No, I'm not opposed to it, but it's not my thing. You wouldn't do it? Not opposed. You're not opposed. So you'd go back to somewhere with a guy who had his girlfriend and you'd screw around with a guy and a girl. Would you try?

With another friend in another room watching secretly from the closet. In the corner. Would you rather try fucking any girl or fuck Bobby? Ask again? Would you rather try? No, no, no, no, no, no. You're not putting me up, dad.

Would you rather try fucking any, no, no, no, no, no. You're not putting me up, dad. Would you rather try fucking any girl or just fuck Bobby? Okay. That's mean. That's mean. She doesn't want to. I'm not your type. I'm not your type. You're not.

Jay's your type. You like guys with little fingernail polish. We're the same type. We're not. Are you fucking gay? Dude, we are not the same type. Look at your head. I have hair. You're wearing mittens. I do have nice hands. Look at your head. I have hair.

You're wearing mittens. I do have nice hands. And pink fingernails. You have a scarf. It's the summer. Yeah? Yeah, we're not the same. I'm a different dude.

No, but we're like in the same thing. Yeah, we're the same thing. We're the same thing. Yeah, we should just take him back to the house. I have some fucking food. Oh my God. The three of us, three-way gay fucking, and Christine was the other one, Christine was like, are you guys tenderizing pork chops in there?

Fucking thigh slaps. Everyone's got gained weight and lost weight, so we have a lot of flap noises going on in there. Everybody has some type of weight surgery that they just got, so we order a lot of food, but we can't eat it. Ugh, you ever fuck three guys with a lot of rub marks on their body? No.

You ever have to hold up a guy's stomach to find his penis? Yes. Yay! Why are you a nurse? No. You're into chubby dudes? No, I mean I've been with all different types of guys but... You've been with a guy that had a big stomach?

Yeah. Asian guy? No. Indian? No. Indian? No. Black? White. Just white? You said all kinds of guys.

Just white. Oh, oh. Usually, I think you're asking who. No, he thought you were asking. I'm saying generally, you said you've been with all kinds of different guys. All right. Asian.

Really? You've been with an Asian guy. Shut up. Why? Where? So you can cheat? Yeah. Shut up. Really? Yeah. Why? Where? So you could cheat off his class? Free violin lessons? I got a few more.

To take a dive in the Math Olympics. To... I'll come back. Just no one. You went out with an Asian guy? Yeah. What kind of Asian? He was like mixed white and Yeah. What kind of Asian? He was like mixed white and Asian.

What kind of Asian? You don't know? You didn't ask? Forget. Really, you forget? Yeah, but it was. Which direction does P-hole go? Sideways or north or south?

I don't remember. North or south is Korean. Sideways is Japanese. It was high school. I don't remember. That's a fact. Yeah. You don't remember the dick holes

you saw in high school? Wow, what a slut. Yeah. I don't remember. You don't remember the dick holes you saw in high school? Wow. What a slut. You ever been with an Asian? I haven't, no. No? Well, what are your Spanish? You go white?

I've only ever been with white guys and a black guy. That's it? Yeah. I mean, the gay dating pool is smaller here. Really? Yeah. I just thought he was gay this second. First of all, I was wondering when I should mention it.

Buddy, first of all, he's the only dummy that didn't pick up on us. I've been hitting him for 20 minutes. This guy's been butt fucked by black dick. Jacob, he's the toughest guy on the crew. Fucking Jacob, god damn. Do you know where black gay wieners have to go, Bobby? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Do you know the way you feel when your bidet is really up there? Whoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo If this guy bidets you're not gonna know it's hitting base till it comes out of his mouth. I assume he's been hollowed out. Is that how gay sex works? Yes. Why didn't you go to college? I'm gonna throw up again. I'm gonna dump again.

Oh, fucking Darth Maul. They call it hollowing out. What the fuck? Hollowing out. Are you in a relationship now? No, I'm not. Okay, buddy. Well, we're gonna get you one tonight.

What are you doing, dude? Thanks. Bobby, does it feel worse knowing that a gay guy didn't want you to bite his face? That's not true, he would love. He didn't want it at all. Yeah, me and you would have a good time together. Probably. I mean, we'd never be able to have sex.

I'd like to watch the two of you pass an orange to each other with your necks. Who would be? If I was a millionaire, that's what I would do. I would pay you guys to come over and do that while I watch. I wouldn't even whack off. I'll just sit in boxers like this in an open robe. Go on, boys, play. Go on, boys, play for me. Who would be the top and who would be the bottom in our relationship?

I mean, I'm pretty much straightforwardly a bottom, so I would say that way. You're goddamn right it would. And just so you know, you'll be fine tomorrow. That's fucked up. You'll be better than fine. It's almost like it never happened. Yeah, just a little tissue drop to get that tear drop, a jizz off your butt cheek.

It's a tear drop, but it's black. It's discolored. That's from surgery. I think, fuck, I like these guys better than Kid Rock. Kid Rock, what are we gonna do? Fucking jump, jump, fucking, who are you again? We don't need that shit. Yeah, let's keep telling ourselves that,

hey, this is way better than Kid Rock being here. It was. We never got to meet Deja, the frigid girl from Atlanta who doesn't like that sex with people. Yeah, huge batwing labia. She's fucked every race possible. Yeah. And then, uh.

Never quite found the one that fit. Well, you didn't say your name. What's your name? Evan. Evan. And Evan, the adorable little chunky elf that likes guys. That's right. His farts do not make noise, everybody.

No. Because he's been hollowed out by black lily. He's been hollowed out by black penis, everybody. His asshole looks like the opening of a birdhouse. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Look at the 800 pound gorilla. They're like, oh no. Yeah, that's where they stop laughing.

They go, oh no, stop it. No. His asshole's fine. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. All right, well thank you. You guys for 2 pounds. Thank you guys so much for being here. Thank you.

Everybody, how about a Pradesha? All right, give me that. What would you say? I fucking whacked his name again. What's that? What was our gay friends name? Evan. Evan. Evan. Yeah. Adorable Evan.

Cute cheek Evan. Christine boil that? That is fucked up Jay. She really came over like this. He's gay Christine. Why are you so against gay dudes? Yeah, why is that? I'm not against gay dudes.

I didn't even grab the mic funny. Yeah, you really know how to play along. Yeah, good improv, Christine. Wow. Good stuff. Way to end the show. What? I'm not talent.

True that. Yeah. Never have true words been said. I'm really ready to show you what a homo you are. That is, when they do that. Welcome to Nashville, everybody. Before we get, that fucking show's done. Are we right? Is that done, Lou?

Yeah, that's it, man. Oh shit, we have to go. What's that, we got seconds? What is that? One minute and 25 seconds left? You guys, tomorrow night, seven o'clock, I'm at Zany's and then we're doing Story Wars. Make sure to come out and see my show.

I think Louis is on, a bunch of comics are on it. I'm in Atlanta this weekend. That's right, you heard me heard me motherfucker Atlanta with Deja I'm going to a stupid restaurant and I'm gonna treat her real bad are you oh you go to you're gonna hook up this weekend who me and Deja yeah I doubt it I don't think I'm the guys come back in their life she's into that Asian dick why you don't have a wink at me like that. I don't know, nobody laughs so I thought maybe a wink would get me out of it. Make sure you go to PunchUp.Live

slash Robert Kelly for all of his dates, BigJComedy.com for mine. Second half of the Crowdworks special day coming out, 421st half them available right now. Thank you all for the support with it and we love you guys. Thanks for coming out and being in our live audience. You guys are the best. We'll see you at the clubs this weekend. We love you Nashville Fest we'll be back next year do it again.