The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Death Parties (w/ Andy Fiori, Rich Vos & Mike Finoia)

Episode Date: March 4, 2019

Andy Fiori & Rich Vos join the show & help recap the Oscars. A KTLA news anchor dies in a sex and drugs filled party for two. After watching Cops on TV, Jay is convinced that no female cop could arrest him & while Lost at Sea, Jay, Dan and Mike Finoia discuss the idea of a death party

You're listening to Comedy Central. Hi, I'm Dan Soder. I'm Big J. O. Chrison. And you're listening to the Best of the Bond Fire. Stay tuned to hear some of our favorite moments from this week. You can listen to the Bond Fire live every Monday through Thursday from 6th APM on Comedy Central Radio, SiriusXM95, or on demand on the SiriusXM app. Also, be sure to follow us on all social media at the Bond Fire SXM.

Hi Campers, it's Christine. On Monday's Bonfire, we had a big Oscars recap. J. Disgust Black Panther being nominated for Best Picture, and everyone is convinced that Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper are in love after their intimate musical performance of shallow. All the fucking Oscar speeches sounded like highlander speeches. Like last night.

In times of trouble, we've gathered together to swing all folds. But I got some notes on the Oscars. No, it's a note and some goodies. But let me ask, this is going to be an unpopular question, I think, but just in a real question, why would Iron Man avengers Infinity War be up for best picture ever and I would never assume they would be Mm-hmm. I'm fine with that. I get the idea of what the Oscars supposed to be Yeah, trying to keep it artsy-fartsy and How do they not make? How do they not think it makes them look ridiculous and like they're trying to protect?

The the racist they know they're gonna be called one day by nominating Black Panther to be a best picture. It's insane. Black Lou, do you feel it? I don't know if I've heard it talked about a ton, but Black Lou has been. But Black Lou, as a Black person, do you feel like you see that pandering when they nominate Black Panther for Best Movie?

Yes. It's definitely a pandering. It's so on the nose. It's on the nose. It's just the best movie of the year, man. They were with you guys, right? I'm down with my brothers and sisters. Me meanwhile, we're like the movie was okay. Yeah, there they go And the green book wins a movie about a black guy and a white guy driving around And we're gonna get the Oscar to the as far as the acting goes

It's a two-man movie. It looks like pretty much green book. Spassions in it. It's a two man movie it looks like pretty much green book spations in it so that's what it love that yeah he go more and then does not get an award yeah he doesn't uh... marhosh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha So to go back to that, it's such obvious pandering. Why do black people, like I feel like, if you see Marhashalla Ali's face when he wins, it's almost like a dickish face, like he's like, I think he's starting to get that feeling.

His speech is short and sweet. I think he's starting to feel like, here we go, it's like did I win this thing? Or are they just like? Hello, he dressed very ethnic tonight too. It's gonna be great. Get him up there. Show him on screen a lot.

Dude, everyone else is waiting like doing the old fingers cross. He's saying, Elliott, he was getting a hand job over the pants. Man, he was fucking great. Sam Elliott went gear into, they give it to the black guys. They start working me over. Oh, look at it. Rick and his neck. Oh, look at it. He want to the one look at his neck. Oh look happy when I'm

waving. Look at this. Rich Voss eating a bagel. Yeah, what do you eat? A wrap. A wrap. Oh, he's good for radio. What your show is? A wrap. I'll tell you why it was quick. How's it going? It was quick. It was going good. We were talking, we just started talking Oscars about how the pandering of nominating Black Panther is best movie. It's pandering, that's pure pandering. Why would Black Panther, did you repel, down the line, again here? Did you delta force it, the side of the building? I came all the way from downtown, I walked up, I realized here's the thing about the movies this year. None of them were great. There was no movie that you're going now

You know, Shindler's list or you could will suspect so we're there enough holes that black panther creeps in Well technically because it's on the same timeline Avengers Infinity War, which has black panther and it's just a bigger Better movie overall That like that's what that would never be nominated and I started to see I think the black people are starting to know there's pandering because look If you look here at my look at Marshal all these faith everybody else is having the here we go This is our moment. He goes they're gonna give me this fucking award just cuz I'm black look at me Obviously about to get this He does look annoyed he almost looks annoyed like he's like, man, I've been busted my ass and they're gonna give me this work some black

Yeah, he looks like he's standing a foot to the left of Malcolm X That's just second Oscar in three years You know, Denzolo took what forever? Rubin he did her a can Carter. He's not a great actor. Let's be honest. What? He's not he plays the same He's not a great actor. Let's be honest. What? He's not.

He plays the same character. That's not that great. I'm sorry, but that's something that a Freckles ginger would calm down and calm down midday on Thursday. Let me tell you something. It's a good thing. Dev's hell was great in in in in hurricane car, whatever it was called. And he was great.

And as Malcolm X, are you kidding me? He didn't win it for that. He was great in it. You're saying he's not a good actor. And Malcolm X, he was, he nailed it. He was really good Malcolm X. All right, I'll give you Malcolm X, but just-

That's what he eventually wanted for, but that's overrated. That's what I'm saying. It's hilarious that he won it for training day. That's what I'm saying. The whole thing is just done for, it really is makeup calls for all things. We're scorsese.

Scorsese got it for the departed when really he got fucked up or- Yeah, another horse. Good fellows in Casino. And he he got fucked up. Another horse. Good fellows in casino. And he also got fucked up. And Ragey Bull, that's what it was. Ragey Bull and good folks. And he also said he got fucked over for the moment. Decaprio was in it playing with Wall Street.

No, no, Power Hughes, the ABA. The ABA. Are you a guarantee your spot? If you get nominated for an Oscar and you go, I don't trust them. I'm going to win this thing. Get a fucking sex change before the Oscars come. Or if you don't care,

I'm a fucking chance they're not going to give you that award. If you don't care, look at Sam Elliott. You say like, Marcia O'Holly knows it's coming. Sam Elliott knows it's not coming. I felt the opposite. I felt Sam Elliott was like, oh, come on. Because he's ever won one.

He goes, oh, what are you going to do? They're going to get it to the ball. Did you see this guy Richard Grant when Barber Strison came out? No. It was a split second, but he literally did that over the top game end of, oh my god. I can't believe this. Like this. It was so great.

The drugstore owner in government. The balloons fell. By the way, I would have the same reaction if Barber Strison was there. Oh, my god. That's all my Judaism comes out right there. Is Malini that famous? Oh, he's funny as fuck. Don't get me wrong. He was funny on the thingy today.

But he's a presenter? Yeah. I was more surprised that Al Quafino was presenting. Yeah, but she got big and crazy. She was like the breakaway. Oh, she was in. Crazy Rechase. I didn't know she was in the middle of the big one. Oh, I didn't break out. She was like the breakaway. Oh, she was in. And crazy. Oh, I didn't know she was in there. She was in there with the big ones.

Yeah. Oh, I didn't break out. She talks like that. I don't know. I'm sorry. She's got to do a little sketch. I don't know. I don't buy Queen either without a Lambert.

I just don't buy it. I don't like Queen with Adam Lambert at all. I watch the documentary on an airplane about Queen. And they showed their performances now without a Lambert. Oh, huh. You're like, ah. You're like, you know he was supposed to be questionable gay. Yeah, you know what I mean?

This guy's coming out on a fucking rocket skates. He's fucking... He's gonna be on a dick pogo sticks. Good dude. Yeah. He's just fucking bouncing around out there like a real fucking... I mean, he's really... He's gonna go stick.

Come on girls, we will, we will we will rock you just the bitches now We will we will if you're brunch put them up Queen and Adam Lambert. Oh, I don't know. Oh, yeah Hey, look up. He just prowled out with a bitch. It's a guy. Good look. I like this gloves, but whatever But the rest of the whole thing really falls apart. No woman is fat enough for me to hang out with. Yeah. Jacob, what's your favorite story of all time that we've ever, that we're about to cover? He's filming because you dug deeper on this than I did.

This one sounds like a straight up Tuesday in LA to me. I'll tell you this, Christine knows the channel, right? Yeah. Because Christine's immediate response when we get stories like this, Jacob texted it to us on our thread, on our group text, and Christine immediately was like, that's totally something a KTL, a KTLA anchor would do. What channel is that?

What channel? KTLA is a network. Local LA TV. So five is KTLA, LA TV. Yeah, so five is five is KTLA channel five. Yeah, I think I had read that this guy died a couple of months ago And now the results came out why the story came out why and it is Amazing he was at work. He was at the station He basically called every one of the yeah, he's a feeling to well This just in I got a tummy ache. He goes right to a call there. This is an anchor at the station. In the middle of the, yeah, he's a phenomena feeling to well, you face it.

This just in, I got a tummy ache. He goes right to a motel. Okay. Where he preps the room for his grinder date that he's already been on dates with. Oh, he's a guy. So he's a guy. That's what I was just gonna ask.

So he's a guy. So he's a game man. So what? Married. Does his wife know about it? I got you. That's that. White's fucking bitch ass.

White's not gonna put meth up his ass. Yeah, do you think she likes a home DJ kit? What about him? What about where he has to go? The lengths he has to go to support what he likes. The amount of drugs they did they say in the words. So wait, set this up again. So he goes to the smontel to meet a grinder date.

And how does he? He doesn't just show up. He has gear. He shows up with a DJ. He sets up before the guy gets there a DJ lighting rig. Awesome. Good lighting. Massage table, SNM, whatever paraphernalia. Bondage.

Bondage. And that's your favorite story. And a loop. And a loop. And a lot of loop. And a lot of loop. Lubrication jelly. It's a jelly party.

This is before, who has a DJ, a mobile DJ lighting gig except if you actually are a DJ for a bar mitzvah What is this guy? A gay man that's closeted and he answers the door fully new so he was rock hard. Also, he only gets to do gay stuff when he can get away from the family and fake sick at work So he's got to go hard those few times he gets it in. You know how much I like playing PlayStation when I know my girlfriend's gone to bed. Can you imagine gay fucking your wife? You know, honey, you wanna bed yet?

She goes, I'm probably hanging off another half hour. You're like, man, I wanna get that method my butt. It's like, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha The guy the guy gets is finally his date shows up and this guy immediately shoves a rock of meth up his own ass and then shoots The gay date up with a syringe full of what was a G.H. He gave his companion a syringe full of G.H.B Which is Rufi date rape drug and a bottle of gay raid Yeah, I was not gonna say hydrated. Well, I keep the electrolytes up. And then the tube became intimate again. I like they say intimate, and it wasn't just raw, hard butt fucking with the meth involved.

But then, but then afterwards, a cigarette and an ensure to make sure you replenish those proteins. You guys, you know, did you need a smart yogurt? Yeah. A bonifipil and Jamie Lee Curtis yogurt. Yeah, they do. They do.

They do. Sally Field Medicine for hips. They change this. They do. And Jamie Lee Curtis yogurt Sally Field medicine for hips He knows now he has to get bonimu before trist like this learn once I really got it. They changed his article because something that stood out at me was that they referred to it as hardcore sex Change it to vigorous sexual activity. But I remember it specifically said a night of hardcore sex Jacobs in the soft-core sex where he just actually taped his dick to his own leg and actually he's fucking He likes to put a fog machine on and ride above a girl I'm the very soft core shit, no penetration. Oh, not at all.

Mostly topless, isn't it? It's really hard. You gotta put a lot of tape, keep my dick down, man. There's a lot of tape. I'll do heavy cleavage if I think the angles are wrong. Take the lot of tape to hold down this thing. Did poppers, amel nitrate, and then I guess it was very, amel nitrate. Okay, and then I guess it was I'm gonna like okay, and then I guess it was wearing off so he apparently shoved another rock of meth up his own ass

Wait, no, you're missing the part where he noticed him making a strange noise and flipped them over to realize burrows had vomited inside his SNM mask Picture all this going on with DJ lighting. Dude, I mean how sad is that? He's these behind a wife and a young daughter. Nothing sad about this. But this guy went out doing what he loved. No, but the sad part.

The math and boof-fooding. He even boof-food is math. But I'm saying the sad part is when your boof in 80 miles an hour, and your boy loses control of the wheel. And so it's yacking in his fucking SNM mask. Yeah, learning to party better. Then he chokes on it, party better. Don't be, don't wear the fucking gimp mask if you know you can't hold your fucking GHB.

During the death investigations, officials were told Baros Ali's behind a wife and young daughter. He did not have a history of drug or alcohol abuse in a period. Sure. Only use drugs recreationally. Oh yeah. I'll say. That's it. Two rocks of meth up the butt. But only on butt fuck day. No, dude, when it's which is which is once a probably once every three months. That is the sex. That's the ultimate sex cheat day. This is going to have in gay,

hardcore, rigorous sex. How long's meth take if I smoke it minutes? I don't have time for that. We don't have time for that. I'm gonna thumb these right in my own shitter I hang on a second this is gonna look funny when I put my legs up in the air I do it even better if he was confident with it if he held the rock he goes do you want to see a magic trick? Where'd that go? That went up my shit. You guys go chase it. Chase the rabbit dude watching a guy's face while he's down his shorts putting something on his butt just like that that tongue and the cheek kind of like that's in there area oh numbered part do i don't know the medical term but you have just

kind of wait until your butt hole like kind of like swallows it up do you really fuck me good we'll put one on the seat and you can watch me pack man I'll slurp it up You want me to change the lighting? I got brought some DJ rig He's the DJ rig him setting that up humming to himself just like I'm about to have so much gay sex Yeah, he's putting's fixing pictures and more. He goes,

he's so damn, he's so damn, he's so damn. Do you think he did a shimmy, he did a shimmy over to the fucking, he's a burp, he's a burp. He said the motel's sexy,

he just shimmy's over to the fucking dresser. It does a fucking bump of math. He's like, he's like, I'm feeling hot. Like rock up my butt. Hot. Put the mask on me now. Put the mask on me now put the mask on me now put it on now I'm ready to go Let me get a shot at that Gatorade. Oh Electrolites and GHB. Whoo this hit me like a wagon going down a hill

Don't stop me. Let's fuck. I mean, that's really fuck arena football league rules There are no out of bounds the wall the walls are still in bounds That's really fuck arena football league rules run it starts There are no out of bounds the wall the walls are still in bounds You give me guess the wall you can smash me into it Dude all right, I got some method my butt now body check me into this wall. Oh come on dude If you're next to this room these guys are fucking you're like come on man I got a meeting in the morning. You got a knock on the door and you see fucking disco lights coming from underneath and you're like, I don't know man. I don't want a knock on the door. Something weird is

going on in there. This guy spent an hour setting this room up before. We all wish we could set up a room to die in that perfectly. The interview to me is the person that he pretend coughed at at work. Yeah, he's like, oh man. He goes, have you He I've been feeling really rough. I think I'm ahead home. You want me to call the wife? No, no, no, no, no Please tell my wife that I'm on I'm on a I'm on an investigation piece. He tell my wife that I'm breaking up a human trafficking thing He's hey, we have some pseudophyte here. He goes no no, I'm gonna I'm gonna get some pseudophyte of me later Don't worry. Doory pseudo-sedron won't be the problem in my bloodstream What am I gonna do? Probably get my rocks off

At the motel six what is strange life to be a new zanker and a husband and a father and then just once in a while You're like all right. I'm gonna go be a gay SNM drug addict for tonight on this hotel Coming up could you're the local anchor love but sex in a local motel with christlyn Guilty I love this guy's like fucking van wilder of ktla dude He's wrong burgundy if run burgundy was fucking awesome Yeah, it's kind of give a shit. He went out hard on burgundy's fucking chicks Be what Christina apricate they keep leaving out they keep leaving out and they made open the door Fulking 14 gerbels ran out. Oh my god like a Noah's Ark of butt sex. Yes, so many it and I and he had to take him in groups of two

There's a couple of great if they get stuck in there. There was a hamster You want to keep the species moving forward. The next guy, fuck you, say he's going to have to give like a warning to a disclaimer. This dick kills. I've, uh, I've got a mask. Last guy put him down. They call me Vlod the Impaler.

I fuck you. I butt fuck until he peeped in his gimp mask. So you don't wear a gimp mask or have a strong stomach. Do you think when he was checking in, any of that suitcase full of DJ gear? Someone was like, is that a guy? I've seen that's a strong stomach. Do you think when he was checking any of that suitcase full of DJ gear? Is that like a heavy bag? I've seen that's a heavy bag. Yeah, that's right.

He goes like, is that a truck from? Is that the guy from KTLA? And we? And we bought a massage table for here twice. So that's a big thing. He had a lot of items on him. You may be able to call it down for a massage table to days in.

Not at all. That guy brought it with him, really. Well, there's an indoor pool dance, and maybe as possible to days in. Not at all. I brought it with him really. Well, there's an indoor pool dance, maybe you don't know everything. I do know. I do know. He brought that and the lighting. Hi everyone, this is Black Lou. On Wednesday's Bond Fire, Big J came in hot.

After watching a number of episodes of cops, he was absolutely sure that there was no female cop with any military or martial arts training combined that could take him in a fight you be the judge I don't know why there's women police officers that's a bonfire subject Jacob why are there police officers who are they for do you think there's do you not think there's do you think there's any female police officer out there that could kick your ass? Nope. Okay, that's what I was wondering. I'll drop everything on top.

Now we got a topic. Javours, the ladies of the law. It takes two or three of them to stop one sort of fat chicken a bar. Maybe it'll pull up. Maybe it'll be our next live bonfire. And maybe we can do this in Austin. If we could get two female police officers to arrest you and you fight dude

hit me 10 times over with those and I and Mike Finneway coined the phrase and I love it so much yeah because we've talked this before as you hit me over and over again with your nerf knuckles no one gives a shit about a girl punch a sneak attack girl punch can fuck you shit up. Let's do this Let's get to fucking Texas lady love some fucking Texas Ranger ladies sneak punched by a fucking girl. Here's what we'll do. We'll have you guys Right, we'll clear off the stage And they need to arrest you put coughs on you buddy if me and a female cop or a physical confrontation

I started it Because why would they do, you know what I mean? So I'm already going at them. I'm not defending myself. I'm not getting arrested by these kids. Now you go for a face mush, you're going for a push. But it might be double arriots.

It might be double arriots out. And just fucking, I'm telling you, I might just hit him with like home alone fucking, like our prank booby traps. I get that I would probably go Terry Tate office linebacker and just try to shoulder blast him Someone call and tell me what a woman cop is for other than feelin a girls pussy for drugs after a man catches her I would and if the if society would catch up to me you would just let the mail officer check the girls Pussy we're looking for drugs. It's not trying to fucking take her on a date I would and if the if society would catch up to me you would just let the mail officer check the girls fuzzy

We're looking for drugs. It's not trying to fucking take her on a date That'd be great if this was your long play to get mail officers to be able to search for ginas and that's why I like to run for mayor on the platform Cops full-body cavity searches Unisex that was the day that Jay became the chief of police I never even thought of looking up police cop woman. Police woman fails. It's useless. Could you imagine if you're in a fight as a guy cop and a fucking cruiser pulls up in two chick cops, you're like, no, look, this guy, she had a taser on him and he just turned and walked away. she's no one did she's baffled by the whole situation he's trying to be a reasonable boyfriend all right you know what I'm just gonna split she goes I

said to get back here they can't bring them she's giving everything she has oh look who took them down a fucking a guy a fucking pedestrian man she do you think as she's the rest of the, she's going like this, thanks, but I, I had a problem. Yes, she goes, I don't need you to, a man's playing this for me. I didn't, man, I tackle this guy, so you'd stop playing with your buffoon out here.

I think we can get two women in Texas to arrest you. Me? Yeah, you think so? I think we can get two women cops. Do you think two? What are they gonna be? Bodybuilders? Bodybuilders? What are they gonna have? Showbiz? What are they gonna have? Karate skills? What do you think the thing is they're gonna have on it? Maybe judo flips? No, not a chance. Not a chance. Not a chance. I love it. This isn't even like the NFL where I said if I believe

myself I could be quarterback tomorrow. Yeah, that's mildly farcical, but I'm telling you with zero training. I beat up bronze arousy on the street two night. Come on Tonight no, I'm talking about some chick name Cheryl from fucking arm like like El Paso who just can come to fucking Austin It's like all right. Yeah, I don't want to do this, but I will arrest you. I'm a CEO at the women's prison. There's got to be CEO, female CEOs, and male prisons. And that's like female cops times 10.

It is such a bad affirmative action. I said this too. In a female prison, In a female prison, yeah. In a female prison, every action done by an off higher female staff, it everything has to be coed, every movement of a female officer should be followed up by a dude. A guy should be helping them absolutely along in that path for their safety. Oh man, I wonder if there's just like a female police officer driving home right now. And she's like, oh, let me listen to the bonfire. And she's like, the fucking J. Oh, fucking.

Oh, rip your shit. I watched a Sean A&E. It was called first year CEOs or something like that. Like their first year on the job. Like they just got the job. And one, look, there's, there's levels, there's five is the maximum. Like a black chick with gold streaks in her hair and four inch nails. That's who's running the thing goes, take off your

panty and put on your food. And then he has your toothbrush and shit. One of the seals was looked smaller than me. She was like 22 years old. And she had to walk through 200 guys. It was her job to do rounds. She would do rounds for prisoners in level two. Do you know how much Jizz was on the pants when she got through that walk through? She's just waiting through a swamp of comb. I mean, it was like one of those bedbos. It was a giant dormitory of prison. I mean, pull your gun out if you're pulling me over for Jay walking or I'm gonna run So they always have to approach with lethal

I see you've been honest to God. I better see the fucking laser dot on my chest That's so if you just became known by that and they're like Bup-bup and like that's Jake Jay O'Coucent They all said you know why I pulled you over? And do you know how to get your fucking hands on the wheel? If that dot is shaky at all on my body, I'd turn my back and walk away. You get the, she's not gonna know what the hell she's doing. If that dot's all over the place,

if she isn't tuned in, you don't think she dialed in with that fucking gun out? She tases you, you just walk right away. Tases me, I bum rush her. Okay. I thought kissing her on the mouth and shock her too. Whoa, I could complete the circuit. I couldn't imagine it. Do you think there's a cop that can arrest you? I think they're

the real. I would get the real. Butch. Like, oh, come on. Big butch. Come on, dude. That's heavier than me. I like a 250. I would let a female cop arrest me. If I got pulled over and it was something you have tickets out there, whatever, I have to arrest you for a thing, I legitimately wouldn't try to run. I'm saying, but like, if I got pulled over and it was something you have tickets out there whatever I have to arrest you for a thing I legitimately wouldn't try to run I'm saying but like if I was a person like this is my life for now I think there's I would want to say there's half of a percent of women that could arrest me my life goes haywire I'm thinking I read a major coke problem I got kilos on me I'm telling you this cop has no shot at me if I'm doing uppers, it's over. I'm telling you this cop has no shot at me If I'm on uppers if I'm on drugs, I'm undefeated

With girl cops girl cops I'm Rocky Marciana put a walker right through it How many I think we do is with children, but how many girl cops could you beat up yourself? I say six seven easy I have the wind for probably I. I would probably always say 4. You don't need wind, dude. I'm telling you, the first ones that come up and start their dumb girl, Yap, you fucking hit them right on the button. They're going to sleep. Do you think there's one in five minutes?

You'll be seeing if any of their titties popped out. Do you think there's one female law enforcement agent? I'm talking FBI DEA fucking Interpol Set them to at a time and I'll clunk their heads together like the three stooges. You're you're you're a villain You're like I'm not a villain. I'm just being I'm being honest hang on a warn an albamus Look up the female marine video and tell me if you still feel that way warrants call me out I would have shown that this is not gonna shake my spirit. I only walk so far into the fire with you now you got my back

I don't even need you at my back dude. Just take videos from world star hip hop mom flatten these bitches out Dude you waking up from being knocked out by a female marine What happened is it a boyfriend jumping you guys saw a boyfriend right? Big black guy I wake up and character like fucking poor at you go what happened was the roast ready? What happened she get her period and have to go change her pad? What happened that fall happen was there a new real house? What happened that I fall asleep? What happened? Was there a new real house watch? What happened?

Did I fall asleep with boredom? She kissed me asleep? What happened? Did I come and pass out? Do you know what I think? Definitely, I didn't even think of this. There's definitely as Rayleigh officers, female officers that would fuck your shit up. This is a...

Massade agent in those Croft Maga. Yeah, he just like send them. I think you could take that. I'm asking if you think you could take. What is it? A Massade agent in those Croft Maga? Yeah. A female Massade agent?

Yeah. Three to time. Yeah, dude. Two brawls I'll kick them in those overdeveloped young titties. Fucking 20 years old they already got those nips pointing down. You'll get worked. Think yeah send them said let me know and massage. Oh you massage I have a problem a god though does that that doesn't I don't know I'm gonna answer What is that? Oh, yeah Jewish karate Jewish karate come on man

What is that? Yeah, dude? I was really expecting I have to hide behind a tree until he throws all of his throwing quarters Almost Can me one break a dollar I need four more shots. I need four more shots. You get a female cop in here. Yeah. She doesn't get one fucking cuff on me if I don't want to let her.

Oh, man, I want to see this. I'm telling you, she won't do it. Yeah? Well, without pulling a gun on you, you're saying. Just physical, just hands. Does that say that they can only pull the gun? Listen, here's the problem. What I'm not going to do to this officer is fight her back.

I will stop her from putting me in cuffs. If I was fighting for my life, I thought, with a female cop, the same cop who I'll sit here and farts around with for however long you need me to, I'm sorry to get Yiddish. I would, right in the tookus. Yeah, she's gonna come in here and i'm gonna be the testy right now

now but if i was going to do this would get anywhere i'd grab by the shoulders and clucker out of the ground quickly with the swiftness and this is the jl and on this segment of the lost at sea tapes dan j and my fina talk about what it would be like to have a death party the apparent capital of met minnesota a dude uh... dwein ardent johnson white guy and when i mean white guy ooooh shes bitch wow

wow i think i am a sex and did he is metha did you know dweiner dale dwein for the people of the black christine christine fucked a got in dale of course that's a good one on your match uh... wall's like mister magu on met he really does he called nine one one at noon to report that his wife debra

lin has she was sixty nine he's fifty eight has died no no no no that guy's fifty eight oh yeah that's not a no way no way dude fifty way dude That guy looks like he's 94 Oh so Messman, they've Messman their thing. Yeah, well check this out dude. It wasn't like let's do something crazy and you met No, like you're going out. Let's do a drug you've never done. No This is like not only gonna do our thing. Let's do our thing to death. Right you find out you got stage four cancer and they're like your days are numbered You're gonna try heroin. Yeah, yeah. Officers arrived at the couples home and found the words, death party God hell spray painted

on the front door. A naked wean album. This is go to hell. Maybe. This next part really makes me laugh because it just shows you people on drugs when they deal with police. Police, you know, a lot of the shitty ones get off on the fact of people Recognizing their power sure being like gonna hope you son you're like officer put drug addict sometimes You're just like wow Who are you? Well, you're in my world now Just lick in the badge you this is such a fucking drug that moment officers arrived at the couple's home and found that spray painted And naked Dwayne Johnson this fellow

DJ yeah allegedly ran outside and said his wife was dead uh... it is naked again yeah yeah yeah he's really back in we did it everybody we did it we launched we launched and then he went back inside to take a bath that's my favorite that's my favorite he was, that's my favorite. He was like, everybody, she did. I gotta go back in skydiving. I'm gonna go soak boys. I need some airs and salt.

I'm burned out. Shovel her out and let her go. Shovel her out of this mother fucker. I'm halfway through a Danielle steal. And I need to steal. I need to read this. That's my mom's bath. Dude, he was later found in the bathtub hallucinating

and trying to wash white and black things from his skin according to Deputies. That's good math. No, dude. He was straight up, schizophren. And Debra Johnson's body was found wrapped in a sheet at the top of the stairs. That's funny. He's just in the bath where he's like washing his arms eloquently. He goes, officers, take my dead wife. She's wrapped by the stairs. I'll be right with you so as I get these white and black themes the newspaper reported that Deborah had been living in a nursing home but Duane checked her out days earlier because

she wanted to die at home Duane said they took methamphetamines and she stopped taking her medications they spent their final hours having sex and quote unquote rocked out to their favorite metal band quiet right yeah dude what a way to go that's amazing wait a lean into the wind also how long do you think she was dead before he stopped fucking her he's definitely I hope she I hope he thought she was gonna die after three songs because I can't name more than that I hope he was doing a fucking air guitar solo and went right right and turned around and she had Deb Debbie Debbie Damn come on bang your Deb

Bang your Come on bang your dad dad bang your Dad bang your head I got to take a bath Deborah Bang your head This might be methamphetamine This might be methamphetamine Bang your head Manel Bell's gonna drive you man Come on

Come on feel the noise Feel the noise from over me, I'll rock your boys. Hey, it's Big J. Olkerson, and I hope you enjoyed this week's Best of the Bond Fire. You can listen to the show live every Monday through Thursday from 6th, 8pm Eastern on Comedy Central Radio, Series XM95, or on demand on the Series XMF. Be sure to follow us on social

media at the Bonfire at SexM.