The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Definitely A Roast

Episode Date: January 10, 2025

Jay is not prepared for a birthday event for Jell Roll that wasn't supposed to be a roast. The only thing that goes well was his performance. A Yellowstone actor is in the audience and heckles the comedians! Everyone on the dais were suddenly best friends except Jay. Jay tells of the lip service his agent gave him regarding his Netflix special. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolfSubscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to new episodes ad-free and a whole week early.

And now the bonfire with Big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly If you could just play this on a guitar This song exclusively look cool at every party ever went to I feel like I can play guitar. I guess I get something really Yeah, I feel like I if I pick one up now. I could just learn it quick Yeah, yeah Howard Stern's gone through that now. He's doing OK. But what's McCaw at?

Who have I said? I mean, you're so wrong about that. Pete Corielli has one of my favorite jokes of all time. I love that joke. Yeah, he goes, I tried to learn how to play guitar, and all I learned was if I didn't know that somebody else already played the guitar, I would just say it's fucking impossible.

If I didn't know that anybody else had already accomplished it. When I watch someone play guitar, especially like really good guitarists, you're like, I don't know what it is even to learn there. Like they don't use, like they're not using the guides that are all over the guitar. They just know. And they also, most of them don't even know the notes. They just know how it sounds in each spot. I couldn't get past the calluses. You have to build calluses. Which I didn't like. I know. I bought a an 1100 when I back in the day in Boston I was gonna be a guitarist mm-hmm and I had this really talented guy who was gonna teach me and I bought

a $1,100 guitar electric acoustic. Don't you fade out that rock god while he's playing Bobby's telling a guitar story. Thanks Jay. And I went to his house with my $1,100 guitar not even knowing how to play a fucking thing and he made those mistakes. He didn't show up. Really? And then I just had an $1,100 guitar that I never used. Still have it. My uncle took it from me. Took it away. Took it away. We've got a three guitar household and no one knows how to play guitar. We have drums in storage. I sort of know how to play drums. Yeah. I have a keyboard that I know how to play Star Wars on. Ooh, I have a full keyboard that may be ruined by dust. Oh my god, that was for Christine.

Christine was gonna play keyboard? She could play piano a little bit, but she, but it is funny when she, I think when I gave it to her, it was almost like the most unrewarding gift give ever. She goes, oh no, I mean, I just, you know, like I don't think I'm gonna play it that much. You gave her a hobby? Hey, why don't you find something to do? She goes, I don't think I'm gonna play it that much. Okay.

What'd you think she was gonna be in there on her off time just wailing away? And then another Christmas she lost a guitar that her dad got her. Ooh. So I bought her an awesome new acoustic guitar and then like a week later they found the guitar that her dad got her. So I bought her an awesome new acoustic guitar and then like a week later they found the guitar that her father gave her.

Your guitar was shit. No, just sitting on the floor now. Do you know the guitar in The Hateful Eight? When he takes the guitar and smashes it? Kurt Russell takes the guitar and smashes it. That was a vintage Marlin guitar that they loaned to the set. And her reaction when she's like, whoa, hey, whoa, whoa, that's real. That's just her going, you're smashing the real guitar.

And he just, Quinton just left it in. Nice. Yeah. Little fun fact. That is a fun fact. That's a Monday fun fact. That is a good Monday fun fact. Yeah. It's the bonfire.

What's up everybody? Faction Talk Series XM 103. Robert Kelly, Big Jay Okerson. Jacob, you thought we weren't gonna say it. I have been sitting on my hands all weekend to talk to you guys about the, and we all, you guys know some of it. There was a, there was a,

there's a new development in it since, no, no, you guys brought to my attention that was the funniest thing in the world. In the world. Little my fault, little their fault, I'd say. But I was kinda like saying that I had something I had to go do in Nashville last Wednesday, which we'll get to at some point.

I notice this Pivenstack is sitting very, it's not really even at all. There's a bunch of, you know what I mean by that? There's a bunch of breaks in the seams because they're all bent up and shifted around in some cut. And that is because you were a pivin whore, Bobby. I saw the picture that you gave out a year's worth of pivins in one show. I'm an addict. They don't...

I'm an addict. They don't... They're not going to do anything to earn them. Listen, when you asked me, you're like, hey, remember when you said this to me, when the pivins came out? Yeah. We should go back and forth. And what did I say to you?

I said no. You said I have a problem. Yeah. I have a problem. You do the pivins, Jay problem you do the pivots Jay You do the pivots you'd say that and then you went to do this hijinks in Nashville Fucking hi, James. You went fucking this horse shit Bullshit cuz you don't know how to say no

Right you went to this thing say no at this point and you you left me here with a stack of pivans. I did. You felt the power. Well, I felt the power, and I... You like people to like you at all. I'm the same way, I want people to like me too, but this crew I've known for enough years, everybody doesn't have to like me, so I will manipulate them through pivans.

Can I have my Monday pivan, please, Jay? What? There's no such thing as a Monday Piven. Oh I'm sorry Bobby trained us to think it might get a Piven. I'm sorry. You told everybody that they might just get Pivens on Monday? No I just assumed. Oh because he was just doling them out. Oh yeah. What was, can you remember any of the reasons a Piven was given? Well yeah there was a couple reasons Christine smiled Yeah, and then also Christine's flush with pivot. She's out of the negatives completely and in fact now daily giving back pivots

Christine Almost deserves no pivots ever. How dare you guys give her pivots at all? No, I got it I wanted you to take them out of it Because it was me. It was my fault. Did they stop me? No. Did Jacob try to stop me? Yes, he did. I said, on the air.

What? Oh, wow. You've gotten drunk with power. Wow. And then you reprimanded me on the air. Ooh. Wow. I know where you are. You know what? I wish I'd go back. I wish there was a time machine.

I'd go back and not go back to when I was drinking, went to jail, my stepfather beat me up. I'd go back to last Wednesday, and I wouldn't give you shit for Pivans. I wouldn't give you nothing, because they're late. But you can't do that now. I can't. Now that you have to sit in that, because

Jacob now believes that Pivans fall like rain. Can I say, why does it really hurt this scolding? I'm really feeling this right now. I'm not scolding you at all, I'm just saying, like you've, you didn't gain anyone's respect by what you did, they feel like they can walk over you and just like you'll give pivots out no matter what. I know.

Pivots from heaven last Wednesday. I know. Pivots from heaven. Christine, I felt like she needed a pivot, I felt like she needed a pivot. I felt like she needed a pivot. And I went nuts with the pivens. Why, she had the house to herself. I was gone doing the Lord's work in Nashville.

But I was dealing with this fucking crazy maniac Jew that came in that just... And he wouldn't, I mean, he just wouldn't look anybody in the eye, he was just going, he was trying to just... Wasn't Ari late, too? He, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and he wouldn't, I mean, he just, he wouldn't look anybody in the eye. He was just going, and he was trying to just, and- Wasn't Ari late, too? He was late, he came in. Was he late?

And then, and he still walked away with a grip of Pivens. I thought the Pivens would calm him down, Jay. I thought a Piven would make him relax, but it just fueled the fire. In Bobby's defense, Ari was, he was out of control, and I felt like Bobby's, the only way he felt in, he had some power in the world was to give out pivots. Yeah.

I got you. So you felt Ari was alpha dogging you. Ari wasn't alpha dogging me. He was mentally ill dogging me. You understand? Yeah, I think Christine even mentioned that Ari came in and she was like, he was a little, I don't think out of sorts was the word,

just like on one. It was, he was on one, dude. He was on, I was doing everything I could to prevent him from taking a shit on It was, he was on one dude. I was doing everything I could to prevent him from taking a shit on the console. Really? Yeah dude. He was gonna possibly shit on the console?

He was heading in that, you know when Ari gets in that, that energy. Sure. His genitals were already out. Yeah, he pulled it out, he messed up a read. We had to shut us. Why the curse? He talked about his penis in the read

for one of the things, live read and and you know, it was, I was- Even Steven Singer doesn't make a cock ring. I mean, he would. He would though. He would. Steven, get on it. Ah, tis the season everybody. Are you tired of that limp dick

just being wrapped in a black rubber band? Well, how about hit Steven Singer up right now. We could do one right now. He's got a need of diamonds. Laced around a cock ring made of 14 carat white gold. And a 100% guarantee you can turn that cock ring in for an exact cock ring or more. And your cock ring comes with a lifetime guarantee

and full value trade-in. Bring in your cock ring if your cock gets any smaller or bigger and get a new size and you get exactly what you paid for your old cock ring. Yes don't forget free shipping on your conference and His best guarantee in the business. Yeah, dude. I got a little nut. That was fantastic timing Pivot my friend Wow Piven, my friend. A legitimate one. A legitimate Piven. Oh, wow, you're turning on me too. I gave you Piven.

You were excited to get your fucking non-earned Pivens last week. Listen, when you see people looting a target somewhere, some of the people in there looting are definitely like, this is fucked up, but we're doing, but I'm in it now. You know what I mean? They get wrapped up in the thing. Everybody wants Pivens.

You don't want to be the one asshole not getting Pivens when everyone's just getting nailed with Pivens left and right. At a point, I was going to tell Bobby he was asshole not getting Pivens when everyone's just getting nailed with Pivens left and right. At a point I was gonna tell Bobby he was cheapening the Pivens. Wow. So he didn't want to lose a Piven. He did. If this was Bitcoin I had to give you all three Pivens for one Piven last week.

I mean once you have like 20 Pivens you're like what's the point? You were fucking elated when you had your fist full of Pivens like a poker game. I mean we were all really happy. You were happy but now you're turning on me. I was happy, but they were also cheapened. Out of your family member's pussies might feel good. You still shouldn't find out. You know what I mean?

You have to hold back on certain things. Of course she wanted those Pivins. Of course she did. She never gets Pivins. I went nuts, Jay. It was the first time I was positive. She was the only time she was ever up pivots. She was up a lot.

And she's, it makes sense now, she's walked around with that attitude since last week. Did that affect your weekend? I'm sorry. Yeah. It affected, she had a little attitude when you came home. Little attitude, faux show. How many times you have to put her face against the glass

to get that pivot juice out of her? Oh, I will tell you this, that there is definitely some blackheads pulled out on our windows at the house. Um, there it is. I like that. Nice. Face on the glass. Oh, that makes me happy.

Christine's right next to glass right now, just saying. Oh, she is next to glass. Christine, fix yourself. I might. You know what, Jay? Face glass. I feel like maybe I need my face against the glass for the Piven debacle.

No, I don't like to do that to a man. You're right. It's only women. It's only women have to get that done to them. A man, you could go chest to chest if you had to. Yeah. You know what I mean? I mean, we could.

Mono a mono. Our stomachs would prevent that, but yes. We could try. It's just that our pronounced n nipples are gonna fucking link over each other like a thumb wrestle It's gonna make us uncomfortable For sure we might have a belly buttons my suction cup together and make a weird sound this picture this picture is making me so I mean, it's so We need to get in listen your weekend. You've been sitting on our weekend. It wasn't a weekend It was one Wednesday one Wednesday, but you were sitting in it all weekend.

That turned into it till Friday, because of flights. Don't ever correct me on air again. My apologies. It's okay, don't worry about it. I don't know, I'm negative pivin'. You're a negative, you're even good. I'll punish myself.

You're even good with yourself. Negative pivin', I have to earn a pivin' to be, to be able to push. Don't be that guy. Don't be that guy, you aren't that guy, but you had a crazy, crazy time. It was, it was a wacky Wednesday for sure. Last week, you can't say what it was, right?

Sure I can, at this point, yeah. Okay, all right, great. Oh, it's all, I mean, Bobby, you saw the posts. I mean, I saw you. I saw the posts, not of you, but I saw the posts. Don't jump too far ahead. So, what I was to do was the, it turns out the roast of Jelly Roll,

look at Christine whispering into a microphone, it's pretty hilarious. Yeah, it's really hilarious. We can hear both of them. They have no headphones on, so we just hear Christine going. Psst, psst, psst, psst, psst, psst, psst, psst, psst. I just heard those pivots.

RKs and Cs. Those pivots were mine last week and they made me happy. I'm sorry, dude. I mean, I have to throw a bomb here. You know, what is she showing Jacob? You think that she fucking pocketed a Those pivots were mine last week and they made me happy. I'm sorry, dude. I mean, I have to throw a bunch of them. You know, what is she showing Jacob? You think that she fucking pocketed a few pivots? Oh. Did you make sure you collected them all back?

Because I'm not going to lie and tell you that this stack doesn't feel light. I cannot tell a lie. One of them fell behind the console and I couldn't reach it. Down there in the studio. Lewis Pivot? I hope nobody ever trades that in for real value. That's Lewis Pivot.

I'll find it. I'll get the Pivot back. OK. I will get the Pivot back. Thank you. So you Lou's pivot. I'll find it. I'll get the pivot back. Okay. I will get the pivot back. Thank you. So you've got one. I thought Lou would probably get it back since it was him. It was impossible and I had to catch a bus to Jersey, you know.

Christine, everything you do in that microphone makes noise, so hanging that on it and whispering into it is all... I can't hear anything in our headphones. Is that a dead headphone or is that something you got to do there? Yeah, I'll just I'll fix it right now Sweet the place Lou that's not your job. They have two guys to come in here and stare at stuff doesn't work I'd like to see that though what you don't want to see a

Malaysian guy and whatever the other guy is come in here and do something I wouldn't mind seeing loose they can broom at his ass. Why is my mic sound all tinny? I don't know Bobby got tinny I did get tinny There you go. Not tinny. Am all tinny? I don't know. Bobby got tinny. Oh wait, yeah you did. I did get tinny. There you go. There you go. Not tinny. Am I tinny now? You've been tinny all day. Really? Why? I don't know. Just tin tinny? There's no bass button. A little bass in my voice.

We got a very special guest coming in today, but we should get to this. Yeah, we do. I should tell you my story. Oh, he can do something. What? What? What? Can you slow my rate down? No. To a screeching halt? I was invited to Nashville.

Check, check, check. Check. Check. Check. Check. Check. Check. We're echoing. Check. Echoing. Check. Check. Check. Check. Check. Check.

Well, that's fun. Yeah. That was fun. I was going to start singing Def Leppard songs. All right. All right. So I was asked two some weeks ago if I wanted to go. No, it was more than two weeks, actually.

Yeah. It was at least a month ago. It was impending. I'd say yes, that, they called me up and said, uh, well my team, who, I don't know if they're behind the problem of this, or just bad communication, but uh, it's too late now. Because what they asked me was, they go, do you want to do this thing for Jelly Roll's birthday? Jelly Roll's having his 40th birthday. They're gonna do it at Nashville's ain't east. You wanna will fly you down put you up and You know doing like a roast of jelly roll

so I said Oh, man, I'd love to be there. I go which is on my I'm stretched so thin that I just don't have the time In that short of time to write roast roast jokes or a roast. I'm stretched so thin that I just don't have the time in that short a time to write roast jokes or a roast. I was like, so I go, I mean, I'd love to go, I guess, but I was like, if it's a roasting thing, I can't do that. I go, is anybody going who's not roasting? And they go, well, it's not really a roast. They came back, I could read these texts to you.

It's not really a roast. It's like, they're just saying, like, if you just go up there and just say some nice things about Jelly Roll, just maybe some fun memories you have about him and stuff like that. And I was like, oh, I always had this kind of story with the people the lady wouldn't accept in Fremont Street years ago when he was there.

Doing a free show in Fremont Street when I was walking back, there was a lady who thought it was Jelly Roll, just walking through the crowd, by the way. And I explained there were several times that I'm not, and I don't have any face tattoos, but she wouldn't accept it. So eventually I had to just acknowledge remembering her and her sister from that show in Alabama that one time.

I bet you I had to just sing a song for her. I didn't have to sing, but I had to take pictures with her and she's gonna show a lot of people and they're gonna be like, that's not Jelly Roll. And it's like, you know what, he did tell me that 17 times before I would... She started doing like the, it's fine, I'm not gonna blow up your spot.

I'm like, my spot will be blown up on Fremont Street, and I'd be performing on that stage in five minutes. Um... She thought Jelly Roll was just walking around. Started just walking around before the show, just doing a little stroll out with the audience, and have time to talk to her about her and her sister meeting me in Alabama.

So, I was like, I'll tell that little anecdote maybe, and then, you know, whoever else is there. You do fit the Jelly Roll description. I mean, if Jelly Roll committed a crime, you would get stopped by the police at some point. Jelly Roll called me his goal weight though, which felt nice. Nice. Nice.

He looks good, but he's lost weight. He's lost like 100 pounds. Pretty wild. Yeah. No surgery, I don't think. Maybe Ozempic and stuff. Ozempic. But no.

100% Ozempic. He should. Yeah, sure. If he's not, why not? I would've done it if it fucking. Existed then, I know. Yeah, it came out two months months later I got scars in my stomach Everything that could have possibly been baby stomach puking into a cup

Fucking assholes just stick yourself. I'm gonna blow and blow in thick black loads Everything went haywire. So you're doing this thing Not a roast I go. Yeah, I'll go up and tell the little anecdote We'll see who's there floating around the party like I'm thinking of things. I'm like, yeah, I'll go up and tell a little anecdote. We'll see who's there, floating around the party. I'm thinking of things, I'm like, oh, I'll say something funny. They said Kid Rock's probably gonna be there. Oh, I'll say a little, I could probably just go off the cuff

like fucking around with Kid Rock or something, whatever it is. I go, yeah, if it's just going with her and talking, everyone's gonna go up there and just give like fucking little, like grab the microphone and the wedding things. Like these guys are so cool, and they've been so good to me and Jelly Rolls. I thought we were going to do that.

The day before I fly out there, they go, are you ready for the roast? And I go, oh, it's not really a roast. And they go, no, it's definitely 100 percent a roast. Like the comics are telling me this now. I go, no, I know. I mean, people, I think some people are going to roast, I didn't even get, like, there's not a list of people that there is, like, so it's not a roast. There's been nothing to write for a roast

other than jelly roll. And they go, no, man, there's like a whole list that was, so the day before they sent me a list of comics, thank God I didn't just start writing, like, frantically because also that list was like six people that were on the list weren't even there, so what a waste of time it would have been to go with some people.

I was like, Bert even had to do that. Bert was like, you know, so and so was supposed to be here because he had the jokes already, so he's gotta do them. So I lucked out in that regard. But the day before, so I was like, well I don't even know how to like, like quietly get out of there. And also, by the way, I'm still picturing

these are the people who are gonna go up, but I'm still not picturing a roast. Like a roast. Even though they told you it was a roast? Even though the roast king was it? The roasting guy, Tony Hinchliffe, is going? Just found out he was there the day before. Oh, you didn't know he was going until the day before?

I didn't know anybody else who was there, with the exception of Josh. Josh also knew it was a roast. I didn't talk to Josh about it. Josh had 85 pages in front of him. And that's the other thing when I get there. So when I get to this thing. Well, song roasts are longer.

Well, he wrote a song, and then he did a song first. In the first part of the show. I heard you used to be fat, now you ain't. He opened the show with a song, with a parody song he did and then uh he did good, he did very good and then uh and then he had and he roasted in the roast like in the actual roast but here's the thing my point is it still sounds like it's very casual but then when I get there and I that afternoon I did Something's Burning with Burt, and he was like, he goes, are you memorizing your roast jokes?

Do you have papers you're gonna bring up? And I went, I go, no, it's not that involved, I don't think, is it? And he's like, oh, everyone's been writing. He employed people to write for him. Like he had a writer, there was a staff of writers who wrote for certain people. Shocker.

It's, I am shocked. Bananas. Wait a minute. Burt hired people to write for him? Well yeah. Almost everybody does. Almost everybody, if not everybody, I think does. But when I said no to the thing initially, because I said that, they were like, well

they have writer. And then they asked me the day before, I go, well what am I supposed to do? They're like, you know, if you come then they asked me with the day before I go Well, what am I supposed to do with they're like? Hey, you know if you come up with something I go it's tomorrow. I'm flying in the morning I'm doing something's burning in the afternoon and going right to this rose. Like when do you expect like it was crazy. So Were you panicking at all? No, while you're cooking your fricassee, I didn't sit, I just sit there while Bert cooks and Mark farts, Mark Norman farts. What was it? Nashville hot chicken.

Ooh. Sandwich and mac and cheese. That's good. Yeah, yeah, it was, no it was good, it was great. I love doing stuff with Bert, but I'm saying, there it is. Norman's showing me he's got a stack of papers that he's written. Mark's such a good joke writer, you know?

So I'm like, oh shit. So then I go back to the hotel after something's burning. I'm like, should I start thinking of some stuff? And I'm like, oh, maybe I'll just go there and just blend in and be like, hey, I didn't know it was a roast, so just don't put me up or whatever. But I didn't do that. And then when I walk in there, this thing is such a roast. There is a giant LED screen.

It's like with graphics, the roast of Jelly Roll. There's merch. There's hats, shirts, signs. They have merch? Yeah. Tons of people are there. They have rose merch? Merch.

Merch. All these people are there. I go in the green room. It's loaded with people. So you know me. I'm very like green room it's loaded with people so you know me I'm very like well that's a cause means go outside and smoke cigarettes so I went outside and just smoke with Lucy the my friend there the manager and just smoked cigarettes and bullshit and then they come in and I came in and watched Josh do a song and then I went back outside, smoked cigarettes,

bullshit with whoever was standing outside. Then went back inside and they go, I go in there, I walk into the green room again, which is a little more room because everybody is piled in doing all hands together inside. And Bert goes, Jay, get in this, man. He goes, you're doing the show with us, right? And I went, well, what show?

And I still don't fully understand. I don't know why I'm not fully getting that this is gonna be, and they go, he goes, well, you're on the dais. And I'm like, no, I wasn't told I'd be in kind of a dais. And then they go, Whitney Cummings, Big Jay Okers. So I'm walking out blonde. I mean, it's, I don't have a drink.

I have nothing with me. I'm like oh I would have put stuff down or like okay so I go and I sit on stage then they have me sitting directly in front which may have changed things on the back end of the story. It was like comfortable big chairs in the back and then just like benches like benches almost ottomans in the front for everybody to sit on and I was just felt like on the edge of the stage a fat guy singing on it was gonna be me and David Lucas next to each other I think he's the first person said he's like, oh man

We got to sit like this and then we got Josh and I think Mark Norman to be like guys Like switch that you guys go up front and and let us go in the back. So I was in the back the back row and That's a good call on On a fucking dais, and then everybody started going up and doing it, people did great. Who was the host? John Crist. John Crist actually did a terrible job hosting. I don't know him, I'm sure he's a sweet guy.

He was funny, the jokes he did were funny. Why was he bad? He just did, I'm sure this was laid on him as last minute as anything, because I didn't even see his name on the list of people that were going to be there initially. Maybe he was always coming, but they asked him to host it, because he went up and did his five minutes of jokes or whatever. Then he goes, all right, man, so this is the Roast of Jelly Roll. We're going to get this thing going. He goes, first person coming up is going to be Chris Porter. Then Chris Porter went up and did his thing and did great and then

Chris Porter would be like so thank you so much. I love you. Jelly roll and blah blah blah go sit back down then they And then he John Chris just goes back up and he goes alright That was Chris Porter everybody now make some noise for Josh Adam. I really didn't do anything in between that by the time I forget who went Adam Ray went up Adam Ray killed and then I mean everybody had a pretty great like Adam right nobody wants to hear that well who bombed Jay well listen I don't want to hear fucking I'm still in the business. They fucked you, okay? They fucked you in the ass.

It's not happening, okay? This industry's doing nothing for me, don't worry. Listen, this did nothing for you. It's not gonna give you anything. Netflix said no. Who bombed? Hard no. Who fucked?

Days before I found out, while I'm telling them I'm gonna take it back, they were like, we already said no. I'm so glad you didn't send that text message. Could you imagine if I sent that text message? They'd be like, yeah, we get it. By the way, can I tell you, that's a sidebar, remember where I'm at in that story, please,

with the Kid Rock thing, because I'll tell you another funny thing about the Netflix that's so funny, that all I've been thinking about all week was that they, my agent manager, were like, they go, so if Netflix, what am I saying when Netflix picks this up look they might not pick up both specials but they're gonna probably pick up one then we release another one on YouTube and the fuck and this and that and they go I go yeah I hope man I hope so the meeting went good

you know I turned him around in the meeting to wanting to see it and then I sent it and then he goes and then they were like, also, buddy, I wouldn't even worry that much about this, because, like, actually, like, Netflix owes your agent, he's told me, several favors, and he's done some things, getting people specials that they wanted, deals done, so, like, your agent is, like, also, and I didn't even like that, I was like, ugh. I really would like to just get it

because they love the specials, and not because they love the specials And not because they owe me one. They have photos of Robbie Pratt taking it in the butt. Well, I'll tell you what's great about it Yeah, we got fucked up photos of Robbie when he told me With Dan Mintz. Listen, here's the thing. They owe us one And that's didn't even do it. No, he said they owed us one. Release the photos Yeah, really release them. Well, no, that's what. No, he said they owed us one. Release the photos. Yeah, really. Release them.

Well, no, that's what's great. He said they owed him one. And then when he told me last Monday that Netflix had said no the previous Tuesday, he's like, we didn't tell you, though, right away, because we wanted to exhaust every option. It's like, oh, so you even went back with the you owe us one, and they still said no?

So you've let me know that we even, we didn't want to tell you for a week as we begged we did everything possible They still just did we're not interested. We used pretty please and that didn't work pretty please we tried to bribe them They said we don't like it They almost assured they were like look if you don't get this on your own merit It's gonna end up on Netflix because they have to for me So funny but so then uh, so wait, where am I in the day back you on stage the guy was just bringing people up I just bring people but and I wanted to know. Everybody did great. Everybody was good. Everything was fine.

Oh, good job. I want to know. Christine's giving me, shaking her head no to me. Exactly. She's going. Because you came home and told her the truth. I want to know. You came home.

The truth. Who took a. Told her the truth before I got home. She had to ask. Who took a hot one? I'm a stand before I got home. She had to ask. Who took a hot one? I'm a stand up too. I've been in these situations. You're gonna put your friend in this position? I would put, yes.

No. Yes. No. What does it rhyme with? Dude, it was yonder bags. What does it rhyme with? Huh? So no, this wasn't filmed at all.

It was extremely filmed. So this will be out. I don't know. We weren't given any money and I didn't. It was extremely filmed. So this will be out. I don't know. We weren't given any money, and I didn't know it was a roast. I can't wait for this to be on Netflix. This is the favor, you're fucking. This is it, this is the favor.

This is the favor. All right, what about the roast? We'll take the roast of Jelly Roll. So everybody did great. Yep. Look at me, look at me. Look in my eyes. Everybody did great. Yeah, look at me. Look at me. Look at my eyes Everybody did great. Everybody look at me stay with me Everybody did great

Yes Varying degrees of great Some people did terrible great So did terrible great. Where's your face? I can't see your face. Um, everybody did great. So. Everybody was awesome. So. What a fun time. Hey Jay, did everybody do great?

Yes. Wait, let me think of everybody. Let me think of everybody. Oh wait, no, even they did. No, everybody did great. So every single person that was up there did a great job. Yeah, no, I mean, listen, also keep in mind, everybody besides me was heavily prepared, so how could it have gone great?

Well, that makes me so happy. That everybody, what a good story. Dude, even behind closed doors, I only wish for the best for other comics. That is true about you. You never talk about other comics behind their backs. You're not a gossiper. No. You and Christine never do that. No. Over Munchies. Tell Me Time. What's the Munchies win? As soon as you're done. It may have been right outside the venue. I called Christine. You called her while the guy was just hot bombed. It wasn't just. The

whole thing at the end, remember, I'm on a dais, you see. I'm stuck on a dais smoking on stage behind people. They weren't that stoked that I was smoking. Wow. So John Crist, he goes, by the time he brings up the fourth person, he goes up, it's Adam Ray, he goes up after Adam Ray, it's just killed. It doesn't even get the energy. Killed? Yeah, he did great. He killed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he, it's Adam Ray. He goes up after Adam Ray as it just killed. It doesn't even get the energy.

It killed? Yeah, he did great. He killed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he, all right, good. He did really good. So he killed. Yeah, yeah.

Okay, Josh killed. Very funny shit. He had a funny, he just was, Adam just like read the fucking thing like down the line. What? Sorry. You didn't hear me. So who went up first?

I don't remember. I wanna say maybe Chris Porter. Chris Porter. So Chris Porter. I think he went first. Chris Porter did great. Chris Porter did great. Yeah, yeah.

He did a, he did a, it was with somebody, whose name I'm blanking on, I feel terrible, but he went up there with somebody, and then they did a bit where he goes, this is how you write a Jelly Roll song and did like a breakdown of how Jelly Roll songs go. It was funny, it was very funny. It was great, then Josh went up.

Josh did great. And then what's next? I'm gonna win them over, because I'm good looking, I'm cute, I'm funny, I'm talented. He's talented. This is so by the door that when someone walks in, if I look, I kiss them on the mouth.

I think I'm going to call the HR for what just happened. So everybody did great. Everyone's killing it. So Adam Ray murders. And then as Adam Ray or? As Adam Ray. OK. That was my first thing I said about him.

I go, how about if for Adam Ray unplugged everybody? Like, we don't get to see an acoustic set out of Adam Ray. That was my first thing I said about him. I go, how about if Adam Ray unplugged everybody? We don't get to see an acoustic set out of Adam Ray too much anymore. But yeah, he did great. And then John Chris went up after him, and for the fourth time was just like, all right guys, Adam Ray, everybody make some noise for Adam Ray. He goes, all right, the next guy coming. And then Bert, wasn't a joke, the way this went down. Burt was sitting, he goes, he goes, John, John, John, John, he's like, take a breath for a second, let's let it breathe for a second, just like, relax for a second.

And he goes, okay, he's like, your next comic coming to the stage is Big Jay Okerson, and I was like, Welp, I gotta go up, and I went up and I just like fucking winged it. How was the applause? Good. You go up, everybody knows you. Yeah, I feel a lot of them knew who I was, yeah, for sure.

And who's it, any stars in the audience? Yeah. Wow, wow. I didn't know like all of them that were there. They kept saying Kid Rock was there. They said, oh, this might actually interest you, Bobby. This is They kept saying Kid Rock was there. They said, oh, this might actually interest you, Bobby. This is exciting.

Steve-O was there also. And then a few musicians, a few other musicians, Marcus King's wife. And then it's not going to be in that picture. Bustin' with the Boys guys, do you know who they are? Bustin' with the Boys were on the dais also. I made fun of them a little bit. They were great, great dudes.

And in the audience also, it turns out, Cole Howser was there. Rip from TV's Yellowstone. So I went up and did a... You just I just went down I just went down the line With the day as snow is just like all right I went there and explained the thing which hopefully was like I made that funny is what I was doing I go I'm pissed. This is the first thing I said and I'd explain I was like my team asked me if I would do a roast

I said I don't have time to do a roast and I know I have to write it myself I can't do other people's jokes. And I was like, so, I was like, so I don't have time, but I'd love to come do it, and they were like, it's not really a roast, and I did the whole thing, you know, it's not really a roast, blah, blah. And I got here, and that's what I said, there's fucking merch.

There's merch, there's like signage. It was definitely a roast, so I was like, but I didn't write anything, so I just kinda like, went down the line, just like fuck with people, and just like, as best I could kind of give everybody at least like a little shot little zing people Yeah, but it was just like also yeah, I said it would you say about Josh I was gonna say for Josh was funny

I go I don't have anything written for Josh But I will say he's one of my best friends And I have a I do a great Josh impression, and I just do it He goes like I was like blah blah, blah, blah, jelly rolls fat. Come on, y'all, that was good. Come on. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Tony's a little homo.

What? Come on, I thought we're roasting. Now, how close was that to his actual roast? He did great. You're trying to get to something. Of course I am, the juice. I'm trying to get to the juice. The suck, the good stuff? The stuff at the bottom?

We have a bunch of people in a car right now that need the juice. Hey man, if the thing comes out, it comes out. It's filmed on six cameras. You know they're gonna sweeten that fucking thing. We're never gonna know the truth. You know they're gonna add laughs. We're never gonna know the truth. You know they're gonna add laughs. We're gonna never know the truth.

Listen, you hooked me through a lie detector test. I guess it's gonna be what it's gonna be, right? If it's a good one. When you did your- Nobody bombed. What? Wow, you can't lie to save your teeth. What?

I'm a phenomenal liar. What's up? Damn. So, when Burt went up to do his set. He did great. He did do great. Burt was up there doing his thing, telling his jokes, and then he mentions the Cole Housers there. Is he shirt on or shirt off?

Come on. Okay. Come on. So, he, oh, actually that's a very, very funny thing that you'll appreciate happen. But when I was doing my roast, in the middle of talking, Burk goes, JJ, wait, wait, wait, come here, come here.

He was sitting kind of next to where I was standing on the dais, or on the podium. And he goes, come here. And I came over, Bert goes, JJ, wait, wait, wait, come here, come here. He was sitting kind of next to where I was standing on the dais or on the podium. And he goes, come here. And I came over, he goes, somebody got new jeans for this. And he pulled the thing off the sticker, the size sticker. And I go, that would be embarrassing. Normally, Bert, why don't you go ahead and read that size? And he was like, 38. And I was like, right.

And I go, do me a favor, feel that belt line right there? He goes, oh, that's a 36 waist. I like, right? And I go, do me a favor, feel that belt line right there? He goes, ooh, that's a 36 waist. I go, right? I go, yes, I'm saying. You left it on to let people know. I didn't, but now that I was fine, the people did know. That exact situation has hurt me so much in the past. And I go, ooh, they're all going to see 46.

That's so big. They don't make those in regular stores. They're gonna see 46, 42. Yeah. That's what they're supposed to be. They're supposed to be 42 length. I have a 46 waist. Are you 11 feet tall? No.

No. So dude, that John Crist, that made me laugh so hard. And Bert's like, dude, relax for a second. Just take a breath. He goes, all right. Your next comic coming up. So everybody's killing. Bert's up.

Whitney did great. Everyone did great. So yeah, so Bert's on stage. And he goes, at one point, he points out the Kohlhauser's there. And he's sitting next to Kid Rock. And they're up on the balcony. For the first time, the night I see them,

I was like, oh, they are here. Shit, I coulda like, those are two people. Almost like easier than the comics. Like I would've said something about Kid Rock and Cole Hauser if I knew they were there. And the time had passed already. And Burt was up there, and then he just says something like a fun fact that's very nice about Cole,

he goes, Cole Howes, actually he does like a little joke to it, he goes, Cole Howes is OG Hollywood, like OG Hollywood, and by that I mean Jewish, and you gotta laugh, and then he goes, no, but I mean, he's like, oh, like his great grandfather was like one of the founders of like Warner Brothers I'm like that and he's saying that like pause as he's giving this positive thing You could tell in Cole Howell's foot, but I didn't know what I didn't know

I heard the tone didn't think the words were anything too much up front because I'm like how could this be going bad? And Cole has but it was something like, yeah, he did this. And he invented a little fucking thing you're using there, talking to whatever. And Bert's like, yeah, he goes, well, your grandfather did blah, blah, blah. And he goes, hey, this ain't about me, man. You want to talk to me.

I live six miles down the road. You want to do something with me? And he's just being like a cunt. Well, sounds like he's being ripped. No, he's being a cunt. Sounds like. And then he goes, and he said at one point, he says, do your little ha ha's and let's like kind of move it on type thing.

And I was like, you can see, if this comes out, you will see me actively on stage. Like I get Josh in front of me, I go, yo, is Cole Howser being a fucking cunt, dude? I'm just like staring at him. I'm like, what's this guy's fucking, like really, you come to a show like this? It's like, you're a performer too

and you come be a fucking jerk off? It's so weird, man. I mean, listen. That blows my mind. Now, don't defend this guy. I am gonna defend him like Beth would, okay? I'm gonna defend him like Beth would. I don't know if you watched this week,

Beth was getting ready to fuck a guy right behind his back. She, I didn't watch it yet. Well, she didn't. What are you doing? The fuck are you What are you doing? The fuck are you? Are you? It's two episodes forever.

Are you a fucking asshole? I gave you nothing away. It's not even true what I said. It's true, it's not even true what I said. It's not true. Oh, thank God. First of all. I'm rooting for her in every episode

to fuck somebody else now. First of all, Rip's being ripped. He's not being ripped. He's not being real He's in the balcony. No, he's not wearing a cowboy hat He's being a drunk jerk off in a balcony of a fucking roast and I didn't know was a roast You got a guy with mittens and fingernail polish and a shirtless fatso fuck with you as rip you say hey I'm down the road a piece you want to deal with this other than that do your little thing fuck That's he could suck a dick Let me tell you on a horse piece you want to deal with this other than that do your little thing fuck that

he could suck a dick now if I can give you some funny about the great joke that Metzger made about me on the the roast he did of me years ago at the Creek it was a jigs I know he's talking about it but it was funny he goes he always thought I was a little bit retarded because how fast from meeting him that I said it was my best friend Kurt which is like this is like a special needs kid or something which is pretty funny but that actually is is a very Hollywood that like Austin Hollywood, like the big dogs, like scene. I mean, how many of them say they're best? Jelly Roll included, by the way.

I'm not throwing people into the bus. I'm just like, could these relationships be this emotionally deep yet? Like, when Burt was up there, Jelly Roll, you and Bunny, his wife, you and Bunny, Bunny and Leanne have become best friends, and I'm happy to say that the four of us are all best friends.

And then Jelly Roll said that Tony Hinchcliffe was his best friend, and Tony said he was his best friend, and then Chris Porter and the guy that he sang with were both his best friends, and Chris Porter's his best friend because he's best friends with the other guy, and if Chris is best friends with him, I guess they're all best friends.

And this was said not as part of the jokes. This was the emotional part. Everyone's best friend. Was anybody? That seems insane to me. Was anybody your best friend? No, Josh. You and the, Josh was your best friend.

Josh was one of my best friends who was up there, yes. Absolutely. Best friend, I mean, I'm friends, I'm like pretty good friends with Burt. But I mean like, uh. It's like black people with cousins. That's my cousin. Maybe, but best friends, it seems very like, a lot.

They're best friends until that fame wears out. Yeah, I'm like, shouldn't best friends, I should've asked them all, I go, hey, what's everybody's middle name? Yeah, you should've. I should've, oh my God, I didn't realize everybody here was such best friends. What's everybody's middle name? Yeah, you should've. I should've thought, oh my god, I didn't realize everybody here was such best friends. What's everybody's middle name?

I'm curious, because I know the middle name of my best friends. I remember Nate did that to me one time. He used to be on YKWD back in the day before he blew up. And I remember he blew up, not as big as he is now, but I think Fallon kind of took him under his wing. And I called him up, and he didn't answer. And I left a message, I was like,

oh, you're fucking too big now to call me up. I've been fucking your friend for a long time, blah, blah, blah. You think you're a big shot now? Busting his balls, he called me back, he goes, Bobby, what's up? I go, what the fuck, you can't call me? He goes, Bobby.

I go, you're friend? He goes, we're not really, we're friendly, dude. I go, fuck you, dude, you've been on my podcast. He goes, what's my daughter's name? And I hung up. I don't think I've called him back since, and I still don't know it. What is it, Aubrey?

I don't know what the fuck his name is. Harper. Harper, there you go. That's so funny. Aubrey? I don't know what the fuck is there. Harper. Harper, there you go. Ha ha ha ha. Oh, that's so funny. Aubrey or whatever? You should have just taken a guess. I don't know, Aubrey? I tried to Google it. It didn't come up.

You will appreciate. I just want to let everybody know right now, I brought my. Oh, yeah, I told him when he showed me you had this. My framed. My framed. Autographed. Picture of Rip, autographed, picture of Rip, autographed by Cole Howser himself.

And it's just a picture of a man staring at you. It's a god damn man who's up on a balcony not taking shit from a shirtless tubby guy. If you keep the picture, Bobby, I'll be upset with you. You think? You've chosen a side. Yeah, of course I did. I chose the man side.

The man side. He's up on the balcony as a man a man would be look I ain't involved with this shit. I'll come down For you Bobby and for jelly roll But put me up in the balcony cuz I ain't into this hijinks that these these fools are doing no He's a fucking jerk off. This is a man dude. I'll tell you what I hated did not like this at all When it was over, when the roast was over, and I would pop back inside from time to time to say whatever, get a drink, or see if everybody was doing anything interesting.

When I go back in, everybody trying, everybody who was on that day, who was like, yo, what the fuck's wrong with, fuck Kohlhauser, what a dickhead, like to each other. It was now pictures, shooting the shit with him in the green room. I remember Adam Ray, I started giving a side eye to him, I was like, yeah, look at you over there,

nuzzling up to Kohlhauser. Not this guy, I stick to my guns. Remember Jay, I said I was trying to find the picture of him and Leanne, but I don't know where I saw it. But I was on Leanne's Instagram, and this is their house. Look, do you see that? That looks like a life-size rip in the corner. God damn right it is.

That's Bert's house? I bet you they're best friends now. Oh, listen. I think, let me tell you what's the sweetness of the... First of all, it's what kind of bummed me out the most. I'm like, you're picking on the most cherubic of our friends here, Burke Reicher. Cherubic?

Yeah. That's a great word. Burke should have little wings on him, a little bit of the bow and arrow. Right, he should. And I'm like, you're going at Burt, who's gonna not get aggressive back, and then Burt's, afterwards I was like,

yo, I really hope to God Cole Hauser comes back stage so you could be like, what's your fucking problem, dude? You know what I mean? And he goes, no, no, no, it's fine. He goes, no, I'll meet him and stuff, and it'll be fine. He says, we'll be friends, and I'm like, what? Is that the approach you take?

They'll be best friends. I have no LA in me. I bet you Bert does the Cole Hauser roast next year. I have no LA in me at all, man. I really don't. And what becomes the situation when you have no LA in you is that when somebody puts together a compilation of the evening's events, primarily, mainly,

the roast of Jelly Roll. Let me tell you something. I went immediately, as soon as you told me how everybody did. As soon as you called me and told me how everybody did great, because that's a conversation we had. Right, Jay? Yeah, I had to tell you how great everybody did. Everybody did great.

Everybody did great. Everybody did great. As soon as we got off the phone, I'd tell you how great everybody did. Everybody did great. Everybody did great. Everybody did great. As soon as we got off the phone, I went immediately to people's Instagrams because I had to see the fun night of this event. And for us, first thing first is a big group picture of everybody involved with the roast, including John Crist. There's not only a group picture of everybody,

I mean, having a blast. Having a blast. I was in the green room for a cumulative three minutes the entire night. There was a beautiful video made, a montage video. Well, this is a picture, this is a big group picture of everybody involved in the roast.

Everybody involved in the roast. Except for me. Except for you. I didn't know this picture was taken at all. And I'll tell you what, no one came just, I'd say five feet away is the door to outside no one even said like see if Jay's smoking outside for the picture. You're not best friends. Even your best friend. You know what it is? I know even my best friend Josh who knew I wasn't in that picture. Who's front row in that picture. Front row. Not one second did he go

let me go get my best friend Jay. Jay taking picture Let me tell you something and then here we go enjoy this. This is the jelly rolls 40th birthday. This is a montage video that was put together of every I don't know that who's that guy that was Chris Who's that lady Porter? Josh getting elbowed everybody, but me on stage somehow this you've been cabined yet again I stood out there. Look, they, Josh, Adam Ray, Everybody. Jelly Roll laughing hysterically.

I mean, backstage. The big picture, the backstage picture. There's a video of the picture. His wife, everyone hugging everyone. Everybody loved everybody. So many hugs. And then I'm sort of left there a little bit but you can't see me at all.

Oh my God. Wasn't that Big Jim? I think Big Jim was there too. You can't see me at all. Oh my god. It wasn't that big Jim I think Big Jim was there Whitney jelly rolls They just did a scrolling shot of the day as you can't see me somehow Like the Kennedy assassin. Yeah, look how am I not in that picture right there? I'm there Jay by contrast Josh Adam Meires is so featured in this that you'd think he saved Jelly Roll in Vietnam. He did. They are.

They go way back, dude. They started a shrimp business together. If it wasn't for me, I saved the roast. Thank god I did my song and my doodles. I mean, brother. Even the artist Chris Rogers got featured in the video. Yeah. I mean, the video of the photo of you not in it.

There's a video of you not in the photo. You are cabined again, baby. I'm not built for mainstream success. There's show on the wall of the people that work the club. You're not on the wall. No, that's not true. I am on the walls there. The club loves me.

Well, buddy, I fixed it. Bobby, you fixed it. As I always do. You put my face over David Lucas. You got rid of the one black guy. Don't do me. Well, buddy, I fixed it. As I always do. You put my face over David Lucas. You got rid of the one black guy. Don't do that. Put me over jelly roll. I actually put you in the outfit

that you've been dying to wear since you were a little boy. You're not wrong. You got a chain and you have black hands with a black turtleneck. And probably a black dick. Noice. Oh, man.

But yeah, I handily escaped this doing okay on stage. They laughed at everything I said. No dull moments, so I lucked out. Lucked out. You did good. Because that was a scary situation. You did good.

Now, at the end of it, did you hang out at all? Did you leave? So Jelly Roll came over to me and he goes, Jay, you're coming to hang with us, right? I was like, absolutely, just blindly said that. And then I started hearing everyone say they're going over to Kid Rock's bar. I've already eaten shit at this place. There's no reason to go and be, guys,

some guys stand on the outskirts, watch, and then I just gonna see a tear rolled down my face when I see Josh stand up in the middle of like 30 people and go, y'all are my best friends What I thought I was your only best friend here. So they were all going to Kid Rocks and But the first person I told that I wasn't going to Kid Rocks is Josh No, it's Tony Hinchcliffe and Tony gave me the the too long I Can uh, it's like no no no like he's like, he's like, you gotta come, man, come on,

I won't even hear that, you're coming. And I was like, nah, dude, I'm not gonna go. And then I said, I said I had to go back, I had to be on radio again the next day, which was a lie. You lied? Completely. And then-

To not go to a party? I know, I lied. Why? And then, well, well because he was gonna keep saying I was gonna run out of excuses to why I couldn't go and then I realized after that when I was like just start telling people you are gonna go They haven't they didn't miss you on anything in this video. So they're not gonna realize you're not there So then I started doing that so I think Bert was the last one He was like Jay you coming and I was like, ah, he goes, don't do this, man. I go, buddy, I'm right behind you.

And then I just went back to my hotel and watched the Sixers game. I didn't go. What? Makes me sad. Why? Because you should have went, because you know what?

Something could have happened at that party. Yeah. It all could have came happened at that party. Yeah. It all could have came together at that party. How was that the party? Bobby could have came up to you. Kid Rock. Kid Rock would have come up to you? I assumed if that's how Cole Hauser was acting,

I assumed Kid Rock was probably drunk too, and I really was not looking. Said at one point, Stacey, who works for Burt, said to me, she goes, Kid Rock's like two feet behind you. And I was like, I would have been more stoked about that, even like five years ago. I was like, now I'm just kind of like, oh man, are we going to get some kind of weird thing? I did want to say, I think I would have said about him, I was like, I like that he sings about all of his references. Skinner, Seeger, Trump, Korn, The Stones, David Aloe Coe and Alex Jones.

Shaft! But you don't know Kid Rock songs. You don't get it What killed in the room? I didn't do it and Cole Howser I wanted to say is the only person who got fat on a show about hard work That's fat through the seasons on a show about hard work. What do you go to the supervisor? No shit he is a supervisor by the way. I guess, no shit. He is the supervisor. I'm gonna give him my old 42 pants. Ha ha ha ha ha. He delegates now.

Yeah. How dare you? And he's in Texas. It's different food. He's trying to save the ranch, maybe he was on edge. Well we're gonna take a break. We'll be back. It's the Bonfire.