The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Everything's Connected (feat. Kirk Hammett)

Episode Date: September 17, 2021

Jay, Dan and the crew discuss the lack of cleanliness amongst previous generations, particularly those settling the West. Jacob tells a surprising story of getting a happy ending massage. Dan interviews Kirk Hammett of Metallica for the 30 year anniversary of The Black Album and The Blacklist Album out now! Stream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/Bonfire Follow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM @DanSoder www.DanSoder.com @BigJayOakerson www.BigJayComedy.com

I'm Dan Soder. I'm Big J. Ocerson and welcome to the Bonfire Podcast. You can hear our full show every day on SiriusXM. Go to SiriusXM.com slash Bonfire for a special offer. And now the Bonfire with Big J. Ocerson and Dan Soder. I'm reading a book right now about settling the West and they bathed once, maybe twice a month. Alright, that's one.

Ah, yeah, that's all. I wouldn't, and I wouldn't want to hang around with all the bugs that they had. And they bathed once maybe twice a month. So I wouldn't and I wouldn't want to hang around with all the bugs that they had they had a big bug problem Jacob And I wouldn't have like that since Jacob said that I can't watch anything Or I'm just even like old West That were you try to present me a hot woman. I'm like, oh, she's like fucking hot God, did I want wanna read you this chat. I wanna read you this chapter about the birth control that these bitches used to use back in the fucking day.

Dude, it is fucking wild. Jay vamp. Bamp, bamp, bamp, bamp. Wamp, bamp, bamp, bamp, bamp, bamp, loo, loo, loo, loo, loo, loo, loo, loo, loo, loo, loo, loo, loo, Oh, I should have written me any Cohen's diner. Oh, man, that's gonna be our new segment that we're gonna premiere on Tuesday.

On Tuesday. So they used to, like, you know, when they were traveling west, it was like young people and they would fuck, because they would be like a girl from another family and you'd be like, hey, I'm a farm boy from this family and then they're just walking everywhere. They have to walk like six miles thick.

So it was walking and then you're like spitting game, you know? You're like, anyways, when we get to this grass patch, let's see what's going on. And then they fucked and then you wouldn't like sex was so taboo back then. Like they just didn't openly talk about sex. So women had to like literally gather around the fire and be like, I heard it heard this is how you stop coming.

This is how you what? This is how you can knock it pregnant. I'm going to try to find the exact chapter. Really? Because it's fucking wild. They would put like vinegar in their pussies. Like dude, they, uh, what if it gets near P hole?

That'd be so sweet. Here it is. Found it. This is from the book, The Indifferent Stars Above by Daniel James Brown, which is fucking awesome about the Donner party. Um, that it. This is from the book The Indifferent Stars Above by Daniel James Brown, which is fucking awesome about the Donner Party. That's what this is about. Yeah, it's about, yeah, what led to the Donner Party,

which is basically people being like, take a shortcut, this guy like sold him a lie. He was like, this is way easier and you had to go through the fucking, like the Utah salt flats and like the Salt Lake. Basically, the Oregon Trail was the easiest way to go and this guy was like no no no go this way It'll cut off months and they're like oh okay, and Basically there was a small window of window travel through them without getting fucked by snow and shit like that and

Cannibals will think they got stranded That's why they because they couldn't pass anymore like they brought oxen and all their oxen died and shit It got fucking metal It got real fucking but back in the day when they'd fuck they said they'd talk about syringes and sponges they exchanged formula from herbal concoctions that might or might not alleviate female problems getting rid of that old period Dude they had like what was it most of the knowledge was wrong some of it dangerously so but it's what they had to work with so they basically were just fucking guessing my guy likes a lot of teeth on his cock yeah you know what I

heard is if you come if he comes in you all staring at your eyes you won't have a baby you'll be fine dude it's so fun so they would just basically fuck because they were like They're all coming. Where was it? Oh Yeah, this boring. I should have found the priority before I read it Sometimes tried to yeah, there's sexual encounters to avoid their most fertile periods Periods of time like but they the science was all wrong. So they're actually fucking when they were the most fertile and they're like well You just had your period so you're not fertile anymore And then it's like yeah, she's the most fertile right now

I'm like she's in a field being like come on fuck the shit out of you under these stars Eat ya because then if they got pregnant they were fucked because they were like on horseback or whatever for months Hey, this bit for us nothing else is there really find out that lose dick is dirty all the time. Yeah. It's not him just saying he washes dirty dick motherfucker. I mean, I feel like we're the dirtiest, aren't we? I was like, man. Yeah, because we don't wash our hands.

After taking a pad, don't see what the point of time is, we're gonna pick a piss. I don't, I just feel like the dirty one. Like, Christine's gotta to like touch toilet paper and scrub her snooch afterwards to get the pee out and stuff, so maybe I get, but I'm a touching piss. Well, me and Jacob are in a global pandemic. I don't know what you two ding-dongs are doing.

I don't know, we're walking through. And you know you're not touching piss. Yeah, get out. What do you mean? Right, because you're pissing and it'll splash back onto your hand, like, rock with me. No, it'll splash back onto your hand. No, I don't send splash back. I go to those hexagons. Mm-hmm.

Those are all I have. I'm pissed right on that hexagon and I just watch it bubble in the little hole. You're all net, you're nothing but net every time. It's perfect. I don't know what's so amazing about that thing, but it's perfect. Zero bounce back. Also piss, sterile for the record. Smell.

Oh god, damn it dude. I just found it by the way. It's on page 69. back also piss sterile for the record smells oh god damn it dude i just found it by the way it's on page 69 uh... they said uh... they cut sponges into small this is what they would do for fucking to not get pregnant cut sponges into small pieces attach ribbons to them moisten them with water or with mixtures they thought to be sperm acetyl and insert them prior to sex. Afterwards they would douche with fluids of all sorts. Anything they might kill or immobilize that brought on pregnancy. Many of them douching mixtures were made from common ingredients, vinegar

and baking soda in particular. Others were more... oh my god pork acid. Yeah, I'm carbol sulfate Carbohydrate anyone who thinks that they they're born in the wrong time and they wish they could live a hundred years ago is an asshole Because they always said the douche simply had the effect of forcing the sperm deeper into the vagina close to the cervix and the orphans other bids like shoot this this will fucking back your sperm yeah dude anybody that's like I would want to be a knight like no you wouldn't no you wouldn't you cold all the time with where that heavy ass fucking armor just the hottest chick what she must smell like at her like after her day yeah dude that What about dental? Oh, my, all the teeth, you know, you know when the women were set, you know, the pictures

of old women like from the settling times, they'll have like stern faces or whatever. Yeah. Cause they didn't want to smoke cause all their teeth were fucking gone. Probably. Fuck. This is gum. I set your great grandpamp his wiener. No, no, no.

Yeah, old-timey women are fucking gross. Yeah, but I'm just dick But if you had like a good if you had a great set of tits. Yeah, I bet you got Yeah, you take her home and just clean her up in some boiled water tub Dipper Bluh, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, Well I'm putting some blue-dew water. Do you imagine what women had to all the fucking no one trimmed? So it was just this because bushy woolly and then a little dick sticking out of the middle of the little fur. Very leg. Very leg chicks with a big ol beaver.

Oh, just a happy trail that goes to her belly button. Oh my god. And then just smelling like gang- What are you plus those, uh, those whorehouses in the West when these guys came in off the trail that happened bathed in months. Who would take one after the other? I'd rather fuck a Westworld robot than an actual West woman. Of course.

Of course. A lot of those guys, a bath was part of the package, which meant a lot of them turned it down or they're like, which meant a lot of them turned it down. Or they're like, you want a bath? He's like, no! Fuck my dirty, dusty dick! No, no. No. Yeah.

With chawns, shit. That's the bring into the Asian whorehouse. They wash you first. Yes, that really is. Wait a minute. But, wait, nothing makes you feel more like they're going to turn you into sushi food. No. Then, pouring a bucket of water over you.

Well, also what he had, he did that for us. Yeah, they doused you, then they soap you, then they doused you again. You're sitting there with your bird out on a leather table. Oh my God. I'm just watching it splash off you. The whole room is just shower. So they have like the massage table type thing in the shower. You've been there, Lou.

You've been there before you son of a bitch. Yes. And they clean you right? I didn't get the full shower though. Oh, why'd you tell me you washed your dick already? No, I was just there to fuck. Yeah, dude. Damn, as he's told them.

Damn. I ain't here to get clean. I'm just here to fuck. So as his keys, the receptionist. I didn't dare ask. I didn't dare ask get clean. I'm just here to fuck. So is this keys the receptionist? I didn't dare. I didn't dare. I was gonna like skip the show or I was like, well, I think that's what they're doing. They get the me off of me. They had like a rag in a bucket or whatever. Yeah, but they poured the bucket over you. They were like, douse your body and bucket water.

The rag in the bucket, like you're a fucking corolla. It's a trash can of hot water. The rag in the bucket like you're a fucking corolla. It's a trash can of hot water I'm gonna go get detailed in an hj over the Asian joint They vacuum my rugs and fuck the off they beat it. They beat out my carpets. Oh my god, dude How unfun sex must be if you're just a trapped lady that has to work on those massage parlors Then you go home to the man you actually love and he's like hang like no, not the day I saw Dude there was a story that Nate and Jo list told me they went overseas with Louie cats And he took him to like a bathhouse and this was like I think when Nate was

I mean, Nate was a little overweight and he had a shaved head and Joe list was super hungover so this is like 2011 and 2012 and they went to a bathhouse fuck I forget where it was somewhere in the middle east and they're like washing you like slapping you around and they're like drag you or whatever and Joe list couldn't stop laughing at fucking Nate Cuz he's like he's all fat just like a blob. They just fucking slapping him a moving around and Louis cats was like guys Stop laughing and Joe said it was just the funniest thing that we're watching friend get washed at one of those just like Fucking this dumping shit on you. Oh, there's nothing funnier than someone so just talked to you seriously whether it being bathed by an Asian woman by port By the way, not bathing essential away. I'm so much scrub dumping a bucket like she's trying to clean off

Yeah, it's like a dog wash They just got a towel ready for you to run it any moment Yeah, it would be almost as humiliant if I just sat in a sink. Yeah, like a big baby. Yeah She's cleaned me in the sink. Dude that would have surfaced with that would be if I just sat in a sink? Yeah. Like a big baby. Yeah. She's cleaned me in the sink. Dude, what a service would that would be. If you just had a place that was a big sink that adults could get into and get washed like babies. I don't know if they're real,

but the way the happy ending massages happen on, when you see them online, like they're like real massage part of the thing, I don't know, it's real or not, but the times that I've gone dude, it is fun. This suggestiveness and Lou, please back this up. That's what's so funny,

because they're usually giving you a terrible massage. So it's like, it's just funny when it gets like the thigh area and then they say like massage like your bush almost and then it's like kind of like your dick just not, just kind of knock it into their form a little bit. Oh, everything they're trying to make it, I think they're trying to get you to ask first.

So it's, you know, the, they're doing the kiss thing when they're like, yeah, dude, it's so fun. There's the accents, it's like, I just going over from one leg to the other and just happen to like take your dick like knock at that direction. Yeah, awesome.

Like, oh. You know what? I think that's what fucked up to Sean Watson. I think he went to a Rubberntug and he thought all rubs were tugs. So he started asking for it? Did, I mean, go read the allegations against him. Was it like sports medicine people?

Some people coming, he goes, Yeah. All right, man, I'm your trainer. I'm here to do your knees. Yeah, we'll get to the knee after we get to the end. He would flip over. He would flip over. Yeah.

Like without them asking him to flip over. And he'd be like, okay. And then he'd kind of like try to hump his... He tried to get his dick in the room? Yeah, like, huh? Huh? And then some of them are like, all right, he's like, there we go, a party time.

All for you, yeah. Yeah, oh women. Okay. Women, women, women. I don't like men's no more. We gotta get that as a girl. Women, women, women, women. We've jerked out my man's no more. Women, women, women, women. You said, women, women, women, women. We gotta get that as a We'll win win win win win win win win Secrets. Yeah, don't go to fucking Manulo Muscle Cordes.

Yeah, exactly. You can't go to like better science fucking sport. Yeah, sports science and physical rehabilitation center. And you present your dictus of guy in a lab coat. Still in case I'll tell you, be a little racist. You know, just be a little racist in aim Asian. Yeah, go Asian and go, I mean, a dump of a place. You're not going, you don't go to a pop of the line

with Susan, expect you to get jerked off. You should know when you walk into the lobby if you're gonna get whacked off in there. Yeah, if it looks like you're at a high school gymnasium about to go into the showers, probably a good chance you're gonna pop that day. Oh, I thought more when you go in and it looks like, you know, a scene from like the golden

child. Oh, you mean the room, the lobby area. Yeah, you can see if they're walking around, like, really racisty Asian clothing. Yeah, you get whacked. That's a whack job. If there's an old lady who's like, who's like, aggressively and angrily, like every Asian lady I've ever dealt with an older Asian lady running it like angrily right Lou is always an old Asian lady is like you wait here we get people get girls like you now all right stop yelling at me like oh my gosh that did one time I went with a friend and there was only two women available and one of them I jumped on the other one whenever she looked like because he had to go back with the lady

He had to go back with the all right boss. You want go to the now you get what off now? You know no she can have a fiery mouth because she could probably twist one out of you very boss She probably could lift you up. I don't she burned him Oh the water was too hot from a burn him and he got up and oh my god I think yeah, I think we are skin like on his back We're gonna see Frank who's back if go. Yeah, that's a good sign DeShawn if you walk into a lobby and there's cucumber water and modern magazine subscriptions You're not gonna get jerked off. No, no, but if you go on a great massage if they all for you a size Can of soda that you've never seen in a store ever in your life or a flavor of

You're getting whacked Get ready drink that you are getting your put pounded You've never seen in a store ever in your life. Or a flavor you've never seen. You're getting whacked. Get ready. Drink that. You are getting your putt pounded. Drink that mango pineapple crush. Because you're about to come. Dude, yeah.

I didn't know they made a purple mountain do, but just drink it and beat off. Did you know that you fish flavored Pepsi? Because you're, and they do. And you're about to come. You know what, fish flavored Pepsi because And you're about to Smoke Sam and Sprite will buckle up and pull out your hog get ready to bust a nut buddy Yeah, cuz that he's like I think the allegations are over 20 or whatever. He's not even playing Yeah, no, he's on the team, but he didn't play week one who played uh whoever's backup is as they win. Yeah without him. Yeah, the beat the Jaguars

Maybe Trevor Lawrence and the Jaguars and you guy Well, I Had more questions for lose 30 days not being Massage brothers, do you ever mistaken? We you ever gone into a place and it wasn't? Yeah, it's back down party rock time. He's pulling his pants down. I've gone when I was younger. I said I've probably only done it like five times ever total,

but like in I have a times where I've gone and gotten just like a shitty massage because I just never had the like trigger. I just didn't have the thing to ask. Yeah. Oh man. That's like when you get up and they didn't knock my wiener around with their hand. That's like when you have to like a when you get stage fright

when you pee, when you have to pee and you go and then you can't pee and then you're like, fuck, this whole trip is ruined. Just went and got a massage, but you didn't get jerked off. Yeah, well, it's funny. I always like the up front when I would bring the girls to the bachelor parties when I was a driver and stuff like that. Like I was always those, the guy would be like, it's just she fucked.

If we pay, was she fucked? And you're like, no, but like brazier, and question dude, better to get that up front. No, she doesn't. So like don't even like, you know what? Take that energy and go buy a used car. You're gonna give me a deal. A deal you're gonna give me on this.

The guy's like, hey, she fuck for money. I'm like, no, she doesn't do, but fucking good for you for just coming up and just laying it out there. But hey, thanks for asking what you want. I could be an off-duty cop. I could be a number of things. Thanks for not leaving me guessing. Yeah.

I actually know what you want. Well, it just clears that air so they don't have to have a weird thing later. Has she ever been like, hey, I'm right here. Yeah, hell of a tigia sissy. Yeah. You think she's going to bring this back up in the court of law, Jacob's never got whacked off of his archbishop, can we talk?

Yeah, I have. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What a reveal. What a reveal. I'm the one who said this on the air. Christine, have you ever got your bean flick

that a massage barler? Never. All right, so me and you were the two dorks of the group. No one ever tried. No, I felt like a guy was like one time, I was like a little low on my boob. Oh, trust me, I got a massage from a time in the lady of my thigh and I was like,

all right, here it goes. And if it goes, then it's gonna go. Then I started, then I kind of had a semi. See what I did was when they start massaging like my hamstrings, I started pulling my knees back to my chest and I present I present Bunghole balls Then in a baby voice you go can you kiss my Change baby wants to kiss on his bottom mouth

Jacob where was it in New York City? No, it was then it was in Florida Oh, oh god, I went down this weekend I do it before every bonfire. Oh It's right next door my friend Talked me into it was like when I Went down and stated his house as a kid. Yeah, I'm not a kid. I guess at like 20 or 21 and He took me he took you and he had a spot.

I was terrified. But he had a spot and he like told you how to do it. Did he give you the instructions before? No, I mean, I didn't want to go. He literally drove to the parking lot and said we're going in. Look, he's got that way about it. And it's like, I'm not going to, so he's like, we're here. Get out of the car. How long did he just come out? Damn, gee, I'm not gonna, I'm sorry. It's like, we're here, get out of the car.

How long have you been? I bet you're, I bet I would have paid a million dollars right now to see what was going on in your face while you were getting whacked off by this lady. Cause it's, it's pretty uncomfortable. Especially if it's just a hand job, like, well, it's, you have to, you're focusing because you're like, you want to finish,

you don't know what to do. You don't even, I don't know if I was ever aggressive to touch them. I don't know if I was ever aggressive enough to touch them. I don't know if you're allowed to touch them or anything. Do they, is it, can I ask you a foot, a bunch of fools, it is. That's what I wanted to know. But the place we went where they fucked was awesome.

But I said, I've probably went there like two or three times and I got just like a hand job. So every time the hand job, every time you got a hand job, it was clinical. They're just like, starchy off, then you Then you're like, if I could couldn't touch them on anything, yeah. Jacob, the place you went to, was it clinical? Was it just jerked? We get pretty naughty about it. Okay. Oh, so I get I know about them. They, they fucked in ways. Go, Jacob, sorry. No, it was like a strip mall. Then G strip mall.

Go ahead, you come. Sorry. No, it was like a strip mall. Then G strip mall. We went in and I got a massage. Yeah, she started out giving me a legit massage and then there's a lot of grazing. A lot of accidental grazing. Oh no. Accidental purpose grazing. Oh, did my periwatch hit dong? Oh, no, that big audience Latina oh was oh Yeah Teenage is eating my reese your chari soul slapping my Coming to the banjo so I can wash you

So when she grazed your dick where you you like, oh, oh, did you? And you knew you knew going in. It was one of these spots, right? Grab my little pepper, say your eeta. I knew I didn't set this up. So I got to know what my friend had told her. You know, this is not my world. So and at the time he was already, he was somewhere else getting massage.

He was in the next door getting it from like the one I thought I was getting who was much out of his name. He called her Nancy, he called her Nance. Nance. He's the norm of this. Yeah, Nance. You got somebody nice for my friend Jacob. They were. Colin, he goes, it was a, was a, was a, was a, was a, was a, was a, was a, was a, was a,

buddy, Jakes behind me, give him the old rub tug and stub stub you get what I'm saying. Give it Thursday night. Spish. Yeah Tina here. Give it to this guy. I want him to do Tina first time out. Dude. She's not gonna hurt you Give it a teneck and you give him this this spice not to spice Special how special with the verna all right with I'm going to have a nice house special. A house special. With the their day. All right. With El Verde. The girl he was with was who I thought, like, once I got in and he said, that's the girl you're going to, I was like, oh my God, maybe this is going to be. She used to smoke show.

Was she really? The girl, but then it turned out he went with her and I got warm and it kind of looked like her mom. Oh, I know it. Because like at least 25 years old. Oh, Jacob, you got the old mate. Okay, what are your beanies in there? I have to get back to work.

He's expecting. I'm a sharecropper also. He's expecting Salmahayak and he just gets the the maid from family guy. You got Danny Trejo. Pop marks throwing knives round her chest. My name is Maria Conchita James almost call me machete La machete. Looted you go to ones where they fuck No, just tug Wow the fuck ones injured. You sensual tug? Yeah, sometimes she'll grab your hand and put it on her Asian tit.

And then you know, why is it an Asian tit? Why is that just a tit? I'm just reporting on news. More NPSP Asian tit. I prefer to cup a cheek personally. Oh, a butt cheek. I prefer to cup an ass cheek. That would make me finish more.

I think I'd want to give her a scorpion, bang her with that middle finger in the pus. Well, if she put her finger on her cheek, and she was naked, I guess, I might jump over the gene, tap that denim. Oh yeah, little this. Tap it, no, I don't know, I'm not that brazen at all. I mean, if she put it on her cheek, I'm gonna get real.

I'm definitely gonna squeeze the cheek and see if the fingers hit crack, where she's at. Yeah, and if she goes, if you know, I'm saying, oh, no, no, no, no, no. You gotta be like, oh, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. There's nothing, there's no posted signs. No rules, not a man cave. There's no rules.

I would absolutely in that moment and that exact moment go. Sorry, sorry, sorry, but this feels great. It's not great. It was right there, it was for talking to a woman to give me a romantic. Oh my God, thank you. Oh, oh, oh, oh. I thought whisper talking to a little bit of your other time. Oh my God. Thank you. Oh. Oh.

Oh. But I feel like getting a job, but he's warm with the hands up, huh? The sex is better, but they do it sex I found like prostutes like that. They're trying to turn over the situation. Yeah, so they want to moan immediately. Well, it's not even about moaning immediately. It seems like they've learned like a series of tricks that are like gonna be

to pull it out of you. Nope, I'm telling you. So it's like a girl that's like, oh, they always say something they do. They go, oh, like, you know, get behind me or whatever you go and they know how to do something with like squeezing their pussy, muscles and do something and you're like, oh, and then it's like,

that doesn't work. All right, having the thing where I hold my leg up in the air and you kind of fuck me like standing up and you're like, and they give you like a minute of that and it's like, that doesn't work. I have the thing where I hold my leg up in the air and you kind of fuck me like standing up and you're like, and they give you like a minute of that and it's like, that's not the one. Uh, all right, dude, it's like, they just, I swear to you actually, every position that I think I fuck good in, I think I discovered from a tiny Asian girl flipping around different position.

What I would describe as my favorite fuck position was brought to me by a tiny Asian prostitute. Oh, wow. Is that the one that made you bust? For sure. Yeah, yeah, that's the between among my back She's facing away between the move Yeah, I don't think she's pumped to find out that it came out of a It's a sex I mean it's a sex position. I didn't just invent it. I'm just saying like the first matter I thought was like, I didn't even know if I was a pos, I was young.

So I didn't even know it was like 19 years old. She's a girl on top facing away. No, no, no, and then her legs under my, the position, Christine, the position. Oh, you want to fuck me? Oh, no, you want to fuck me? Christine, just look at it. Don't look at it, it's coming from a warehouse.

Look at it, it is like basketball, can't you? She's gonna shit. And he had a coach the taught him how to do the right shot He goes hey bounce your elbow Well, you were fucking are you go am I doing it? She went I let go a long time ago what? Is that setting the know that I learned that move from that? No would it be better? I learned from pointers like I just I thought it was funny that you're like, the move and she's all cool. There you go, that's where that's from.

She knows we didn't invent it because I had to go Christine, do this. Yeah. Yeah. It's great. She's your Mr. Miyagi. Get on the bow of the boat. Yeah.

She taught you how to wax on wax. Spur your butt cheeks. When season four come, Cobra Kai, if it's November,. I think oh no, maybe sooner than that we're gonna binge that Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna make it a weekend Let's take a break Yeah, Jacob I think Hollywood women say Pete Davidson's name like Candyman three times.

And then he appears and fucks him. He just, yeah. Who's breaking off now, I know he jumped to another one already. As far as I know, the one from, I don't know why I never watched the show. He's gonna move you with it. Oh, yeah, Kelly Cuoco. Yeah, same. She just got the horse and Pete's.

Is Pete the rebound guy? Well, they're doing a TV show together or something. So they're just hanging out, but like shows them going out to restaurants and holding hands and she said he moves. Yeah. I'm terrified to say Kelly Cuoco. I think it's like C. Yeah. Big bang. Here you go. He's a rebound. I don't want him to bang this one actress that I really like, so I don't want to even say her name out loud. I think it's just gonna come true. Dude, we'll get, I'll say it.

It's sorry to say this, but you'll never get it. Pete Davidson's the Dennis Rodman of Pussy, rebound king. I'm gonna put in the ether. Pete, fuck Stargirl. I'll see you, Stargirl. It's the fuck Stargirl. We'll test you.

It's not it, but I don't. Jacob. We'll go right to Pete's phone Well, we'll give him the set ourselves I'm three I'm too fo I'm too text to Ricky Vales away from getting Pete's number enough to call him and ask him this Yeah, dude, he really just he crushes it Alright, yeah, dude. He really just he crushes it Comfortably yeah, he's not uncomfortable in Celebrity world doesn't throw him no Do you know I mean like hey think I couldn't be when I saw JLo on the thing I couldn't be just super cool

Yeah, it's gonna have it in me. I'm like, oh, fucking, dude, little sore. Yeah, such a new fucking sound like boob boob idiots when we talked to a little camera. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I talked to Kirk Ham and I couldn't even think. I was like, Metallica, not alcohol beers. Oh God. Yeah, I can't like, is that going at the end of this episode? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yeah, you get to hear me talk like an idiot with Kirk Hammett. I froze up too.

I heard it was great. It was he was very nice. He was very, very, very nice. After coming up three hours, he was darned. And we listened to Stern. We were listening to it through the feed. Oh, yeah.

Cause we were like ready. What's up? Yeah, you missed a golden moment between Kirk Hammett and Lou. What was it? Oh, it'll listen. It's gonna be a minute. I do want to blow it. No, don't, listen, it's going to be a, do you want to blow it?

No, don't. Well, to the end of this episode. It's at the end of this episode. There's just a moment where Kirkham thinks Lou has something in the back that it's not. Oh, yeah. It's funny. Yeah, I had no response. I was thinking, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh out. Oh yeah, I sort of heard this. I heard about this. Yeah, you thought your picture behind you was something else. Yeah.

You'll listen and try to bond with you. And then when it wasn't that, he was like, oh. Yes, almost immediate. It was like, okay, never mind. Uh, yeah, I guess I gotta go. Here's at the very, it's at the very. So, uh, yeah. So, I gotta get out of here, but you guys have been.

So, you know, yeah. Yes. One of possibly the greatest interviews we've ever landed on the Bonfire. It's Series XM Faction Talk 103. I'm Dan Soder, Big J out, but our guest today, a rock god. This is awesome. Please welcome to the show from the Metallica, Kirk Hammett, everybody. Cheers, then. Yeah, Kirk Hammett. Thank you so much for coming by

and hanging out on the bonfire. You got a lot going on and we appreciate you stopping by to talk and hang out. You got not only the remastered version of the black album, the 30th anniversary, but you also got Metallica's blacklist, cover songs from that album from 53 different artists. Did you guys listen to it all together or did you all listen to it separately when the covers came in? Well, you know, they kind of came in piecemeal, you know, the list kept on getting longer and longer and longer.

And we were all kind of listening to it on our own pace. And then at the end of it, there was over 50 different artists and like, you know, there are still a couple artists that I've heard the track only once or twice and I'm not too familiar with it, but there are other artists I've listened to like already 50 times, you know. It's just a lot to get your head around, you know? Absolutely.

Were you blown away when you see Yo-Yo Ma being in a Metallica song? You're like, what the hell is this? Bro, you know, the list of artists, it was so unpredictable. I had no idea that, you know, there would be so many different types of artists and so many contemporary artists and so many varied artists who contributed to this it was a real mind mind-blower and we're all just super super surprised I mean we didn't expect it to turn out so cool and so different and you know so interesting well you can you can be honest with us

because you know, we're all in a tight knit six person Zoom call right now. So you know, you can trust us. Were there any artists that you were like, that they submitted something and you're like, do this sucks ass. Was there any songs that you're like, I don't think we can do this one.

Well, you know, it's like this. And you, just about anyone who covers a Metallica song might mean a year's, brought, you know, it's like this. And you just about anyone who covers a Metallica song might mean years perk up, you know, because I want to hear their interpretation of it. And, you know, I don't, I don't know if it's possible to actually do a version of our songs that would make me say, oh, that sucks. Okay. So there's no one came through with like a don't tread on me yodeling version and you're like, I can't put this on.

Well, we can. Not yet. Yeah. All right. You know, that might still be in the future. I don't know, but I mean, you know, from Jason Isbale taking a super heavy song like Sabotrue and turning it into a bonafide country song to Kamasi, Washington

taking my friend to Misery and turning it into a bonafide country song to Kamasi, Washington taking my friend to misery and turning it into a traditional hard-hitting jazz song, you know, with jazz arrangements and chords. I mean, I, I, at one point, I threw my hands up in the air and I thought, anything's possible at this point. Yeah. Literally anything is possible. And 30 years later, I mean, one of the most historic albums of all time, one of the most influential influential albums of all time, and it's kind of cool to see all these artists that you guys have touched come and be on this album and give their own takes on it. Is that something I've been noticing as a lifelong Metallica fan, I've been noticing

younger, like early 20s and teenagers in Metallica shirts. Have you ever seen that on the street and been like, name three songs? I bet you don't even know. Well, it's a little bit of a phenomenon, bro. I mean, you know, it's been happening for like, I would say like the last 15 years or so. We go out there, we play our shows, you know,

walk out a first song, look out into the audience and it's always, you know, surprise so many young people so many people like 8 9 10 11 12 Looking at a 12 year like how did you get into ride the lightning? Yeah exactly and they know every song I mean you know we we had a little point in our show where James would like find a super young fan and go, hey, how you doing? How do you hold up their fingers? You know, seven.

So you come here with your parents or you come here with your friends or you come here alone, you know, as a whole deal. But every single night, you know, there are multitudes of young kids at our shows. And to me, that's a beautiful thing because it tells me that our music is transgenerational. And if it speaks to younger generation, man, we have done our job because we want to make music that lasts, that sticks around. You know, that has the potential to keep on

bringing people you know joy and happiness and fun and you know energy and inspiration and it's looking like you know we're doing we're doing that with with all these younger generations of kids coming and seeing our shows it's an amazing thing and we love it. Oh, absolutely. And now that, I mean, you guys have to know, now that football season is back, I would probably put Metallica as the top locker room pump-up songs for football teams.

Well, in the sports. All sports, all sports, bro. And stop at football, it's football, baseball, hockey, you know. Well, I got to tell tell you I'm a lifelong diehard 49ers fan, my family's from the Bay Area and something that I love is whenever the 49ers play Metallica, there's this sense of ownership of like no this is our pump up music because Metallica is the Bay Area. So you know it's pretty badass. When's the last time you were in the Bay Area

and someone didn't know you were Kirk Hammett? Have you had that recently where someone was like, can I help you, sir, and someone has to be like, I mean, you know, I went and went to Chinatown and you, oh, I don't know. I was like, you know, and San Francisco, and she is like, you, and that's, I was trying to get a table and they just kind of looked at me and I was like

Yeah You're like music and they're like you wait. Yeah, that's a great part of town where you're like I'm gonna go get humble real quick Let's go you can do it town. I'm not sick of feeling I'm sick of feeling like a celebrity But that's gotta be I mean 30 years the black album coming out and then now you guys got it remastered. When you go back and remaster it, is there anything as, you know, you made the album, is there something that you hear that you're like, I wish we would have done this? Is there any, like, feelings towards it where you're like, oh, I remember when we were making that, we almost did this. It's the one album of all our albums that I can honestly say that I don't have issues with, album of all our albums that I can honestly say that I don't have issues with because you spent so much time going pouring over every note, every beat, every melody, every solo,

every riff, every arrangement. I mean, there was no stone unturned. We're writing and recording that album. I mean, I mean, you know, I wasn't allowed to leave the studio and this, I delivered 150%. You know, everyone else is the same way. You know, you got, you went there and you just squeezed every last bit out of it

because that's what that was. That, you know, the mode, you know, that was how we approached everything at that certain point in our lives. And, you know, that was how we approached everything at that certain point in our lives. And you know, having Bob Rock on board and being able to steer us and steer that intensity and that focus, I mean, it was the greatest thing because we were willing to work, we were wanting to make the best album that we possibly could, we wanted it to be perfect, we were willing to take the time,

and he was the man to oversee everything. And so, now when I listen back to it, every single song, I'm like, you know, it sounds great, it sounds greater than it ever has been. You know, listen to it in just for all, you know, certain things like cringe, you know, albums, albums after that that you know road load reload I'm like damn really so even when you're listening to load you're like what hero of the day I could have had a better solo I could have done well no not hero of the day I like as a couple other tracks I yeah I come on itching my head thinking what was I thinking what were

we thinking but you know I don't have issues like that with any tracks on the black album. They're all great. They're all standalone and their performance and their creation. Absolutely. And when you go back, are you guys when you guys remastered it, did you listen to the original recordings?

Like did they pull those out for you and be like, here's what you guys sounded like when you did. And for Sandman originally, was there any like that of kind of pulling up? Well, we don't really do that kind of thing. I mean, you know, when you're remastering years and years and years later, you know, the mastering techniques are so much better.

You just know that it's gonna sound better overall because you have 30 years of technology, you know, that much more advancement in sound, that you're guaranteed, you're gonna improve on it, just because of what's available today. Do you think now that with the Metallica, the Blacklist out and the albums out, when you guys hit the road in the future

and when stuff kind of goes way back to way normal, Do you think they'll ever be some surprise some artists that maybe did a cover of one come out come out to a live show and you know anything's possible. Anything's possible. I mean Rob and I already played my friend with misery with Kamasi Washington at the Hollywood Bowl about a month ago. And that was amazing, man. You know, to play a song that was so familiar with, but completely different. It was a trip. Yeah. Robin, I loved it, because you know, we love jazz.

You know, we love modern jazz. Robin, I have the chops. You know, we want to show people that we can play jazz and we can play this, you know, with a full on jazz band. And, you know, I hope more of that kind of thing happens. I would love, you know, for, you know, Chris Stapleton to come on stage and sing nothing else matters. Yeah.

You know, and play it his way, bro. Yeah. How's that a challenge? Was that a challenge for you when you're doing the jazz version and you're up there on stage and you're like, all right, this is my song, but I gotta tackle it a different way live. That's got to be it. Well, you know, I'm a big jazz guy, you know, I love all the different like eras of jazz and way into like John Coltrane and the blue period of jazz. And that's where Kamasi's

sound sits is in that particular period. So it's super easy for me to slide in and listen to it and go, I get it. I get it instantly. Same with Rob, you know. But yeah, it is a bit of a mind-fuck, you know. Yeah, absolutely. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Am I going to nail this? Yeah, you know, it's just like, oh, shit, you know, this chorus. Yeah, it's in the same key of F-sharp, but it's completely different, you know Yeah, but the but you know that the great thing about a lot of these covers is there's always some sort of thread That bringing that connects it to the original version, you know Whether it's harmonically or or you know a lyric or a melody or a beat something, and there's something that connects it,

some way, somehow, and I love that. It might be that sometimes it's just the lyric that connects the track to the original, like in an off version of a whole year than now. I mean, that's so like out there, you know? But I love it. I love it, man. That's bad ass.

Yeah, then you hear a Biffy Clero's version of a whole year in the now, and it's all just kind of like, there's like a acapalasexia in it. And it's just like, wow, what's next, you know? Yeah, I mean, that's the cool thing about the Blacklist, Metallica's Blacklist is you can just hear a bunch of different versions of, sometimes the same song being covered four different ways by four different artists in completely different way

Now our producer Jacob huge metallic a fan and he has your coffee table book too much horror business Yeah, my question that I wanted to ask you is there any modern horror that you love right now? Oh, there's so much great modern horror right now. You know, I've been saying this for the last five years, but we are experiencing another golden age of horror in terms of like music and culture and movies and books and just like everything. There are so many great horror movies coming out per year now than there ever was. I mean, in like, you know, the 80s, late 80s, early 90s,

horror movies kind of like dipped in quality. But nowadays, they're as good as they've ever been with really inventive writers and a lot of different genres, too. There's a new genre called Folk Horror that I love a lot. And I've been actively searching out those horror movies based on that Folk Horror. Nice. So there might be a second volume of that coffee table book coming out with maybe some more of the first stuff.

Well, as long as there's horror movies, I'm probably going to be a horror fan and collecting it. a horror fan and collect and yeah and and yes I you know my plan is to either come up with a a bridge diversion that book or another volume and that will definitely on the on the books. We know you know you got to we know you got a busy day and we appreciate you stop and buy I'm bummed my co-host Jay couldn't be here because we all share a we all share a television credit together we're all in the same episodes of billions together and when you guys I know how to do one and what's crazy is As the creator of the show Brian Coppeman was actually your guys is a and R guy during the black album

Oh, wow, it's insane. It's insane that he you know I was with you guys on that trip and then created the show billions and then you guys got to we all got to be on an episode with you, which was awesome. Wow, that's, you know, it's just everything's connected man. Everything's connected. Yeah, man. Yeah, we're, Kirk, we really appreciate you coming by and hanging out just for a little bit. We know you got a lot going on.

So check out the Metallica Blacklist cover of the 53 artists covering the Black album. Also the Black album remastered and there's also Mandatory Metallica a pop-up station going on now on serious XM you can check out a mandatory Metallica On serious XM Kurt have a good day and thanks so much for every man. Thank you. Thank you. Awesome. How'd it go? Thank you cheers take care care. Yeah. Am I still radio? Yeah, I don't think so. I think we're off radio.

Thanks so much, dude. I really appreciate that. No, likewise. Hey, it would ski. Yeah. Hey, it would ski. Can you hear me? Yes, sir.

What's that painting behind you? That is a pearl jam painting. Oh, okay. I was in there. It looked like a Buddha thing. I thought it was like a Buddhist Tonka. I just wanted to see more of it. That's all. I was in there. I was jam painting okay i was in the look like a boot a thing i thought it was like a bootest

tonka as this one to see more that that's all yeah now it's a poster uh... it's cool nonetheless that that that that that that that that that that that that makes me always look at at the room that people were in you know that i'm just in it i'm just in a side office room that's boring as hell so it it's just boxes and just a door. I mean, some acid trip room.

I want to shit. That's really well. Well, hell yeah, dude. You guys have a good one, right? Thanks so much for coming by, man. Thank you guys, man. Take care. What's called ProJet?

You ever see ProJet? Life. You've been listening to SiriusXM's bonfire! New episodes every Tuesday through Friday mornings and full shows always on SiriusXM! you