The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Forward Song

Episode Date: June 29, 2023

What happens when a great comedian writes and sings a serious song? Bob and Jay help sing along!

Hey everybody, I'm Bobby Kelly. And it's Big J. Okerson. We're actually a full radio show on Series XM, not just a podcast. Hey, guess what? For full episodes of the Bond Fire, you can listen on the Series XM app. Go to seriesexm.com slash Bond Fire for a special offer. And now the Bond Fire with Big J. O'Cerson and Robert Kelly. So you gotta feel yourself for an earnest song from a comic who's Let's do other comics who were like doing comedy then they're like all I'm gonna jump in music animals

How dare he how can you do that? I used to have a joke about this. I'll tell you, you have a guitar, passion, and love for music. No, no, there's some kind of, there's a button it's missing. Yeah, somewhere in there that's stopped. By the way,

as fucking good of a comic and funny as Dane Cook is too. It's strange that he can switch modes to, like I don't know if Donald Glover is like a renowned stand-up comic, but like he's very good at music and he's good at actor, I don't know his comedy at all. So I'm not even judging it, but I've just never heard him like making big waves

in the comedy, he's acting always in his music is great. For as accomplished and like, you know, known guy who seems to think funny as Dane does, how do you write? Who must post a B? Sometimes J. I'm so lost. J, when your talent has nowhere else to go. Ha ha ha.

Sometimes the river, the big river, will cut off into little streams. He was too thin for his funny. The ancient have been fatter. Haha, he didn't fat. And he wouldn't have done this. Yeah, fat bob never sang a song. Oh dude. Who am I supposed to be, dude? Hahaha. Dude. I just feel this song. I would ever did.

Oh, he's back up a few seconds. This one, he's really, I think, Peter double fists across his chest, like really pulling it in for the forwards. I picture him in Arizona on Redstone with the sun dawn down behind him. Oh, I'm singing over his shoulder with another guy in the one microphone. Is it drone shot right now sweeping by?

This flips up on a rock. Oh yeah, he's really two hands on the mic. He's strumming just the rhythm of this song. strumming just the rhythm of this song. Also did he record this on like a tape recorder with that thing we have push record and play on it because this is The worst produced thing for a guy who had a bunch of shit going on Was his spiral super serious too? No spa spiral was yes. The eight guys which I was in was his Do you ever see that one eight guys? Oh one eight guys eight guys was a it was pretty funny

but eight guys living in one department comedy comedy yeah very comey uh... gary uh... alonzo borden he tried to jump uh... he tried to he it's so funny when you're that much of like a physically kind of like uh... comic like that to do the jump to serious stuff is hard, but he did good in Mr. Brooks. He's great. I like Mr. Books, but he just like, it can't be.

He's got, you could accept that because it was somebody else's thing for some reason. Like him sitting down and writing the lyrics to this shitty song. I mean, to you, to some people, I mean, to you, to you and this lady who did a montage of her cancer pictures for surviving cancer pics. There's a couple moments in this song that I can see myself on a Ducati going up the Westside Highway. Yeah.

After the bonfire going home. I thought maybe you and Don just had a fight and you're out there having a montage of thoughts about your whole relationship. I don't know. Who am I supposed to be? I'm falling but I'm standing still. Things aren't what I thought they'd be. The clouds in my coffee aren't clear. I don't know.

Every day I miss you. Christine, go back to the beginning of these lyrics and start that song over. Bobby, we're each taking a verse. I'm you. Christine, go back to the beginning of these lyrics and start that song over. Bobby, we're each taking a verse. I'm in. He was the first guy though. Can I say this about him? First guy before any of the shit who actually put his own money back into a shit

and did little shorts. Did he call you and threaten you last night? He did. I got a phone call, you have the same agent, and he's gonna stop looking me. This is a different Bobby. This is a different Bobby from yesterday. Bobby got a phone call the same agent and he's gonna stop looking me Talking I'm just saying pussy listen listen he has max Yes max the songs good let's just go to the next subject Jay. We have a whole thing here of subjects

Torgasm Torgasm Torgasm First I'll stick first first. He sent me a video of Sufi being burned into Max's chest. Brandon is Sufi, who is Jess. I'm ready. Yeah. Feel it. What are you taking?

Yeah, I'll take the first first. What we could do, two lines for two lines. We could do two lines for two lines. Where did you run away? How was it far from here? Only looking back when the future's not so clear One room around the room Everything's in its space

I'm the only thing that doesn't fit in this place Who am I supposed to be? Far from while I'm standing still Do I deal so with me with the fact that I've lost the will? My sense that's on saves me My down days feel right I dream of a dear, now now keep me up at night Fallward, fallward

Fallward, go find my father Fallward, fallward Fallwardware I go Stereo is I don't go, Throw it to I don't know Can't I ever let myself just let myself go Full disclosure Bobby memorizing, he's everywhere He's floating downstairs No one knows I'm here

I shout at the shadows Don't let me catch you here Linging on the porch Breathing till I'm bored Come between a prison gate and a wide open door Come within, everything's not fine Tonight I'm going to take back Take back what's mine Don't let me check what's mine

Let it talk Take back what's mine And find me here You'll never find me here Ford I got you ford Me here Never find me here Ford I don't Here's the best part

Ford ford Ford ford You're the best part. Far, far, far, far, far, far, Fucking far, far, far, far, far, Far, far, far, far, far, far, Far, far, far, far, far, far, far, Far, far, far, far, far, far, Far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far Oh Sorry What were you guys come from To fuck where am I man? Wow now I get why you did it you know what I get it now I get Dane I like it like Josh with the cure. I get Dane now man Man, I get it now. No, I get it now.

Yeah. No, I get dain. There's some good lines in there. There's not though. There's none. You don't mean that. Dude, I scroll back, scroll down, scroll, scroll up, right here. Ready, ready? This song is a not-not you, dude What is that? I mean, he's hey man

When the fucking dark things are coming at you you scream at him. Don't let me catch you in my brain Bobby I taste the Lewis a lot but I'm gonna say to you too you could think before you say something You don't have to just start saying words to fill up all the empty spaces man Good advice Good advice. Good advice. There's a shout-to-shows. Let me catch you. That's clearly from the Bible. I'll tell you what, the good one is

scroll up a little bit, Christine. There's a good line right? I love hearing the two of you singing the song. Scroll up a little bit. Right, there it is. Right there. Okay, scroll up a little bit. That's not it. Do you mean the M mouth, jumble fuck but a scotch swirl line of go down Christine?

Do I deal so willingly with the fact that I've lost the what's too much to many words? My sad song saves me. I mean that's the shittiest line of the whole song. I say it again watch with me My sad song saves me Nope my sad song saves me Who am I supposed to be? Well, only looking back when the future's not so clear. Did you get completely trashed for this or was it just like before Twitter and Instagram really? This is radio shows. Yeah, trash. That's worse. Yeah, because I mean like you should have been trashed for this. He got trashed, but listen, here's the thing.

Oh my God, what are you gonna say? You have your own career now, Bobby, you don't need this anymore. I know what I'm scared. Dan came back last week. They called me not Dan on the internet, Jay. No, that doesn't. Jim doesn't look in the eyes. Jacob left.

When you officially meet Jim McClaur, you're going to get along great with him. When he comes down to finally say hi. What does he look like? Oh, no. I'm afraid of fame. He goes, now you have to admit, some of these shitty lines are really great. Now, I mean, this is bad.

My down days feel right. Bobby, we get it right. Well, that means, man, sometimes I know what it means, Bobby. Can I take the problem? Wow, that's fine. I was gonna, I was gonna, I was gonna, I was gonna say by next live show. I mean, nothing, Jay. What did she say? She screamed out out for help. We're gonna we're gonna get better help to help Christine

Thank God they they got their response or the show She said say it again Christine with the same intensity I know what it means My down days feel right and Bobby is gonna explain to me what that means and I said I know what that means you she said I know what that means and then looked at you. I just looked at you and I'm thinking of you. She's been getting that up. I'm making it up for the fun.

Tell me, he's looking. That's what I'm saying. He's expressing the stupidest feeling. I use this all the time as an example. It's so far. I've been in a car. I spent a lot of my life in a car. I've been in a car too. And a lot of my life in a car. I've been in a car too.

And in a car, a range of emotions. Yeah. And the music, the music. It's funny how, I can't say that real quick. It is funny how many emotions you go through, in a car ride. Oh my god. I mean, it's great.

I just screamed at the top of my lungs and not because of traffic, like life. Yeah. Yeah. And but then you can open the window and the certain air coming through and and all of a sudden you feel grateful and happy. Well, to me, what the point I'm making was I've been in those long set and you're like, and listening to this music because it's a bummer. And I'm kind of choosing that thing.

And then when you're in a good mood and you're listening to, you know, eighties on eight, shout out to you're in a good mood and you're listening to You know 80s on eight Shout out serious exam You know and there's like you know jitterbug comes on you can put you boom boom when you're in that mood You're like how do I ever get so angry? Like just not angry like sad and just like depressed about nonsense and then That's what I think that was like if I wrote down that car ride that's this gay ass song You're not supposed to spread the world he goes hey guys. I cried three times in the way in today to a Marilyn Manson classic

I'm supposed to keep that to yourself bro I was the dumb henley all day and really had a good just let it out sesh What you say? I didn't have a car for like all day and really had a good just let it out sash. What do you say? I didn't have a car for like 10 years and that was something like it was nice to be able to like have a nice little breakdown in the car by myself. Finally, it's finally pressure emotions. Did you buried it for 10 years? Yeah, they have a breakdown in the

car. What's the what's the worst breakdown you had in a car? What happened that made you, you know what I mean, what's the situation? My probably, I can't remember, I think it was going through some big shit at home for sure, but not when I was leaving, but I screamed,

I screamed the top of my lungs in a a car in line with the Marilyn Manson song Great Big White World when he screams. It was like, but I really felt great afterwards. But the saddest was listening to driving away from Long Island, me and Carla had split, and I was like, you know, now we're gonna stick this, could affect Isabella somehow, and this, I just over and over, listen to the song, End of the Innocence by Don Henley. Oh my God.

And just, yeah, that was like the saddest car. That was like, should I, oh yeah. I was like, I think I even cried to the subtle like mouth movements to the words. Since Daddy had to fly. I was surprised you didn't read a song. Daddy had to fly. Surprise you didn't write a song. That's a line in it. Since Daddy had to fly.

It sounds like it's a song about your parents breaking up. It sounds like it but it's not. It's hard to tell. You forced it into that because... You knew it was a perfect song for the moment you were having. You really know how to DJ your own life correctly. Yeah, no shit. You DJed your life into tears.

I want to feel I have to take a ride. My song theme, my life theme now is she fucking hates me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She blew my blanket in Jesus. Like a nothing. And yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Then I started to realize

That I was living One day you're all she fucking hates me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Trust. Put on end of the innocence. You'll hear those lyrics. It's put it, do you have them on? Oh, that's still fucking.

Oh, no, thanks. That's still forward. That's still forward. The worst I've ever snapped in a car. I was driving from New York to Boston. I was halfway there and I realized I forgot my wallet. That sucks, dude. I had no cash, no wallet.

I called Don and I grabbed the steering wheel and I screamed at the top of my lungs. And she was so quiet. I mean, I screamed where people kind of were looking for the scream like they didn't know where it was coming from, at the top of my lungs, I don't have fucking money! And she went, do you have your phone?

And I went, yes! She goes, you have Apple Pay on your phone. You can get gas, and you can get food with that. I'll call the hotel and I'm okay. I did. I just used my phone for the weekend. She had to say that while you're already riding over the berm getting ready to just drive

into a pole on purpose. It's gonna kill myself. Let's just start over. Yeah. That's more of a cut my life into pieces. And being a sense, my life into pieces. And the innocence, uh, remember when I didn't have a care in the world with mommy and daddy standing by, but happily ever after fails and we've been poisoned by these fairy tales, the lawyers dwell on small details since daddy had the fly.

Oh, dude, I was going gonna just drive into the Hudson. Jesus Christ. I play it over and over and over again. Over and over, so sad. But it didn't get you all the way home, so you had to start it again. You were trying to pull up on the last part of the song, so you come down to the garage and it's just the last beat.

Yeah. You drove around one more time around the block. And you guys, that's about a two more blocker. Ha, ha, ha. Gotta get through the sax solo. Yeah. This is a sad... It's a big, big...

My family's not here. There was a more innocent time when her family was together. It's gonna make Bobby cry. Sad. Sad. She's fine now. So what? She's got tattoos.

She's a teenager. Yeah. She's 20 years old. She's covered in tats, dude. Whatever. Is that crazy? No. So what, dude?

She has a third-boasting only fans account and only events. History. What? What? Is that so crazy? I'm kidding by the way for everybody's just going to only fans. I assure you. It's weird that he hangs out with Lewis. That was weird to see her at the house at the pool with her and just Lewis and his girlfriend. He was party party. She was hanging with James at max Oh, we are so funny. I was still married to Carla so I couldn't do but a long time ago

We were gonna have Sal volcano marry me and Lewis so he would have to be He would have to make Lewis's is a bell stepfather And now I would be James stepfather Did you hear you know for the they announced on Legion of Skanks to fight one of the fights happening That's gangfest is Tim butterly is boxing Lewis and The loser Tim butterly from dad me guys no Billy Connery's Oh layers awesome dude. Yeah, yeah Tim butterly. Yeah very very funny. We've had one bonfire a bunch The before times I'm old

Right there. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I know him. Yeah I mean Lewis are boxing loser It's legally adopted by the other one So Tim butterly could be James's So Tim Butterly could be James's grandfinger. It was such a good wager. It's a great wager. That's trouble, man. I love it.

Alex Carlotta's mom, who's a lawyer, said that they have to drop some legal papers because it becomes a real issue of someone passes away and like part of like Lewis's money would have to go to like Tim Butterly Shies. James, that we're break up. James gets nothing as Tim Butterly sun gets at all. James doesn't get all the gas digital. My legacy leaves some for baby Butterly.

You guys split it and run it. It's my closest heir. Grandson Butterly. You guys should do a run it. It's my closest heir. Grandson Butterly. You guys should do a podcast together. Together. I think Lou's gonna die one of these deaths. Ah! Where his eyes are wide open.

Ah! Just a not wanting to die death. He still has something else to say. Guys, one more idea for my funeral. Ah! We should have a live... Ah! What was he gonna say? What was he gonna say?

He keeps coming back. No, but he keeps coming back. What would be super dope is if we hired... Ah! Ah! Ah! Clear! If we hired the world's first and only...

Ah! Don't you die on me, bitch! Did you die on me? We need that idea! We should have my funeral in the town... Ah! Clear! All trans! Ah. All trans what?

I think he did like the idea of a viking funeral when you guys brought that up. I love it and all of us, every one of us just shoots a flaming arrow, one of them will hit him and he will catch fire. If not, we just watch him sail off and do eternity. We shouldn't do it. We shouldn't do it. It'd be funny if we all miss and he just goes out and just gets eaten unceremoniously, viciously by sea life. Covered a whale, shit, and algae for a while, bones are just there. All of us miss. They just go all around and go, just hit the water.

Just floats out. His cock is floating. It's like there's some rich guys yacht. Smash me just turns to fucking mush It's the worst death ever Fucking funeral would rule though. Yeah, how do you want to die? You want it? I want to be creamy. How do I want to die? Fucking Not caught You want to be cremated? Yeah, you're gonna be cream. Do you want to be kept of spread? No, I like the thing. I like the stupid as

Stupid and hippie-dippy as it sounds I like the thing when they put it in like the tree pod thing and he's grow a tree What the fuck is it? Don't put your ass. It's not like your DNA is in the tree It's not you're just putting the ashes in soil with a Just like a seedling for a, and then the tree will grow. I want to be, I want Don to keep it. I want to be on like a shelf. Yeah, with a photo of me smiling.

So even if she tries to bang somebody after me, I'm just there. No, I'm just watching. What if she gets that thing like my shirt? I want all the weight sizes. I want skinny Bob, fat Bob, me, me, me. So she can turn it. She can turn it.

She goes trying to make a guy jealous. Yeah, I want Bobby with hair. Indian Bob, Puerto Rican Bob. Puerto Rican Bob. Yeah, the ashes can become a moral tree. I'd say this, maybe, what if Dawn goes, and I see I worry about Christine being like that girl on mind-strain addiction, who's gonna constantly be eating me

off her fingers like Likimade, because that was crazy. She's gonna dip, was that dip in dots? Yeah, did you ever see? No. Christine, mind-strain addiction, you're not gonna like this, Bobby. Why? Because she carries around her,

her dead fiancés earn of his ashes and her strange addiction is like looking her fingers dicking it in and so and she goes it's almost just down to bone now. Most of the ashes is gone and that's freaking out about it. And if you answer your question, Bobby, yes, she's fat. She's a pig. Is that why she's fat? Far one. She's fat but she's thin inside. Yeah, but it's like. Do they do they give you a certain, like if you are a fat person and they cremate you, that must be tough to carry around. Oh yeah, but is it more ash?

Those bones are over there. She is. Oh, she got a wig on. She says Eugene Levy here. Good pull. there she is she got a wig on it says Eugene Levy here good Paul good Paul shit's great last but now I'm found and I'm addicted to carrying around my husband's earn I've been eating his ashes there we go use me yeah well this is a reaction video yeah I says what says what It takes nothing to be a broadcaster. We're a diamond dozen. We're a diamond does. Jacob, I wrote this song for you while you were gone. I see you but you're not there You're fishing on some Florida pier It gonna hunt all the time

You riding around in a golf cart You leave me all alone I'm wide awake but still I am asleep That's just lyrics That's not his actual lyrics but it wasn't it? It was I like him I have meaning I'm running but I'm standing still I've done that it feels like you're molasses you're not going anywhere you do it are you can I'm hungry and completely full now I'm thirsty but I feel very quenched in my throat.

Go watch this lady eat her black boyfriend. I'm gonna see. Is he black? And I'm addicted to carrying around my husband's ear. He's very black. Those ashes are 80% sugar. I know, I know. She's gonna get diabetes from the ashes.

She's so happy. Oh no. You guys know, I didn't have diabetes until this fat shit died. I'm sucking on his bones. Now I can't feel my toes. Fucking butter-bone Johnson over here. I have some with some with us. All right.

When I cook, I cook what he likes. I don't need it. Well the food's the kill them. If I'm watching TV, he's there with me. Oh, watch this. Oh my god, she's talking. She's got a lot of people laugh. They think I'm like.

She looks like, number one, all our Swarits and Negger put on a fat woman costume to try to get her security. Get ready for a surprise. Two weeks. Two weeks. Two weeks. Context, everybody. Two weeks. Two weeks. Context everybody, total recall. No sports, Nigger, War A, Woman costume.

To get through security. To get through security on the Mars. To go to Mars. To go to Mars. And then his robot face. His robot fake body in a face of this fatality started going on the Fritz. Almost made it through, didn't.

Then the Fritz came. And the Fritz came, then he ran through a X-ray machine and they saw that he had a bunch of shit on it. A whole lot of guns. And they shot through that machine. Quaid, get to the reactor, dot, dot, dot, this fat lady. By the way, she was hotter. Look at that.

Yeah, she used to be hot. She could be hot again if she lost a little weight. I think she's fat on ash. Is that a ghost of him or is that him? It's hard to tell. Because I don't know why she was dating eyes and ears. Jesus, what the fuck? Oh my God.

I mean, they just didn't have cameras that were that good back then, dude. I don't know. Or the color scheme on this TV is right on point true black. It says Sam son. That's 4K true black right there. Damn, that guy always looks jaundiced. Sean were married in 2009 after dating for 10 months.

They both got everything I had wanted in a man was brought was rotten front of me. Yeah right in front of you No, he's at a box. I'm living but I'm dying inside Every time I think of a leader coming to she got to the eating yeah, yeah, I get so much stuff in there It is dude. Look at me stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Just watch as TV and eats her boyfriend It's not it's not there's no way. She's gonna put that in her mouth There's no way she's gonna put that in her mouth. There's no way. And I don't just dip it in. I swirl around to kind of feel

and get it kicked on there good. And then I just eat it. She's not gonna put that in her mouth, right in front of the camera. Wow! Wow! Are you fucking kidding me? It tastes like...

There's bone in there. Rotten eggs, sand and sand paper. But I've grown to love that taste. It started as I'm not wanting to get rid of him and it's progressed into hitting him. I've lost 42 pounds since my husband passed away. Basically the only thing I'm eating are his ashes. There's no way she hasn't lost 42 pounds.

That's a lie. Well, because she's a lie. Well Because she's still fat where where there are two other necks there She's already rocking three What you saying Jacob I'm sorry that people will eat anything for a snack It's true. I've done a lot of weird shit later nice I try to make crab cakes out of tuna fish crackers and mustard. I've done a lot of weird shit. I can do this with what I got.

I'm saying like dress the ashes up a little bit. What do you mean? I don't know. Thrown and jelly or something. I'll use that cotton. Yeah, like me. Well, it's also, outside shot And you could look this up probably. Have they proven this to be bullshit

because they have the one girl's addictive ventriloquism and she's just like a loopy. I mean, I have a loopy comic girl who was around for a while. You might remember her. Okay, I'm talking about. Jerry, I had that problem too. Jerry. Jerry.

Yeah? I used to have that problem. Shout out, now you're digging. Oh, no, Bobby, your addiction's coming back. Stop. I can't, I used to have that problem shout out. Now you dig oh no Bobby your Diction's coming back stop I can Is I know it's not as good as that whenever you want? What is that now you're self-deprecating internal Equism is not gonna be good for you right now. This is what put you to the funny farm and we had to come get you remember?

Jay you're right. You're right. Don't fucking listen to that piece of shit It's got blue hair What the fuck's wrong with him? No, Bobby look how crazy an actual person who says they're addicted to it work But this is fake cuz like she was like a comic around the city But I'll tell you what She she was pretty bad shit. It's kind of cute She she is gonna keep I think I think it's this is a while ago. That's wild that she has a puppet face Where she has a puppet face. You know you have the whole thing's pretty wacky. I

Think Lewis may give her the biz No, it's fucked up. Thanks. So That's why Lewis fucked He fucked both of them maybe he he had the puppet suckin' them off. Well, he always tells that story that and he hooked up with the girl in a wheelchair and like he had a threesome with the girl in a wheelchair and a girl in a non-a wheelchair

and they both wanted him to pay a lot more attention to the girl in a wheelchair. Which I feel like you'd know that person too Why would she like is she paraplegic like your legs with dead putty Yeah, did you call me buddy or her legs putty no putty okay, noodle legs because mom was funny No noodle legs noodle legs, so he had a picker up a moron you like a Lenny Kravitz scar So he had a putter in the bed he had a picker up and put're on you like a Lenny Kravitz scar So he had a putter in the bed. He had to pick her up and put her in the bed. You have to do everything It's just gonna be wherever you put her just ahead

She's just gonna be there It's like fucking over. It's like fucking a doll Go you play this are talking and friends, like you have to stop this. She feels it. She's being replaced and that's really hard for her. But you're handing it off. Come on. I don't know if I went out.

I think you're handing it off too. You're handing it off. Do it, do it. How does that work with you dating? Like, because you have your puppets with you all the time. Like, it's like the mind of your... Also, she does, a lot of people have gotten better doing with you all the time. Like, you can take the money. Also, she does, a lot of people have gotten better at doing ventriloquism where they kind of keep their mouth

like, you know, like a pretty regular position. She's still doing what she's gotta be like, like you're gonna get a lunatic, like, if you're not looking at the dog, your first goes, hi, I'm in here, here, here, like, ear to ear grin like a psycho. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

What the hell is he now, Bob? Ha ha ha. No, no, Bobby, don't get into that. Yeah, don't listen to him. You can do it. I knew I should have showed you that, like, eating your own bones. I was gonna send you right back into the throes of addiction. Ha ha ha ha.

Give her a little more of this, where her friend has to argue with her. Thank you. You're not Gargolotter, so just, like, shut it. Like, do me. You can't talk like that to my sister. You think you're gonna do it? Yeah, she a whore. We'll give this shit. Fuck her. I'd fuck her. So just like shut it like do me you can't talk like that to my sister Fuck her I'd fuck her I fucked that bro. I Suck loose off too stop it don't talk like that stop it crazy down by the dog's gay guy Bobby puppet

I'm a I'm a merchant marine your clock fucker It's back when men will man and women will man. You ever got a hand job from a puppet? Three fingers in a thumb. Oh, shall Bobby the tree? I'm gonna become. He'll be coming a tree. I'd do it first of all. 100% that this company, as soon as they take your hatches, just throws it in the trash. No.

100%. They send it back to you and you planted it. Yeah, me and Don on a star by the way We talked about this on Legion of Skanks the other day. Yeah, we own a star. I know you don't though I know we don't but our star she think I bought someone a star. I think once I didn't mean it some chick probably no, I don't can't remember if I was purchased one or I per I thought I was Purchased one, but I can't think of who I would have done that for. Oh, she is maybe somebody got me one. She doesn't blink in like three minutes Dude say something What you think oh yeah, all these other bitches are buying me stars

I'm gonna do with your ashes is just divide them up and give them to all your lovers My lady suitors Everyone gets a little you should make everybody gets a little. You should make- Everybody gets a little piece. You should make jewelry out of them. Yeah. Get like the flowers off his casket. One for you, one for you. Yeah.

Well, hopefully it's old enough where all these gals are old and fat and you guys can come around and just suck on my ashes for a while. You guys have a finger, wet finger fest, just dip it in my ashes. You know, I'm gonna put you in my coffee. I feel like you really want a girlfriend that's gonna eat your ashes.

I don't. No, he seems to be here. He wants a girlfriend that eats his asses. Wallam a life. Wallam a life. Wallam a life. Don't eat a mask when I'm dead. I mean, do.

I don't tell people. They'll put you in a home. Christie just kept you on the couch and ate your ass every day. He's just sleeping face down the way he does. Every other part of your body's dry except for your asshole from her licking it. After a few months, he's gonna come up and like my ass cheeks are gonna be on her cheeks. He's still up, up, he's rotten. He's rotten away.

There it is, a tree. A tree. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit.

That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit.

That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit.

That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not shit. That's not my ashes in the tree. You can't do that. Why? I'm not paying you to do that. Because what if you, what if like you wind up not going to happen or hell and you're just hanging around somebody's backyard?

Well, it's not that much I worry about. It'll also be funny, which is like a bunk tree seed. Yeah, every five. It doesn't work or dies in three years. Like, geez. Every five minutes you smell weed smoke and you hear the song from those empty. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, more? Oh, oh, Zampic! You know!

I'm injecting but I'm taking pills. Water but I'm really wine. I like it. I'm jumping but my feet are still on the ground. What that wimpy fucking blink when it eat too, twat voice. I love it. Being lute, love that voice. We played a song yesterday with that voice.

Who is it supposed to be? And something. This car is why it brows our tooth in. And the pictures that you's showing for the song It has me, you had a think, dude You think about it What do lyrics? I said that

When did you run away? From here Only look back when the future's not so unclear. Exactly. I'm going around. I'm wondering, man. Damn, dude, you went back in so bad. You want a go-cart race with him against the red?

Yeah, you're in a, like, you're in a door. Jacob, I'm sure Bert is going to start singing. Jacob, you said you were rewatch the go-kart races and Instead it's fantastic Keep her and Jacob up Jacob. Jacob. I'm he's just gone. Jacob's gone. That's hilarious We threw you and you were gone Just want to get water. That's hilarious planting your J tree Thank you.

You watched the Go-Cart scene again, and it was fantastic. It really is much better than I thought. Yeah, because Dane does the woman at the Go-Cart who runs the Go-Cart race tells him anyone who bumps anyone to win. It's the race the race is disqualified qualify and so he or they're deducted at a point they don't win the race and then the race starts and Dane proceeds to crush Jay into the into the inside

wall and then yells at him afterward for taking me inside. And Jay is so meek. I also don't have another fun fact. You might not know about this, Jay, but I'm pretty sure I'm right about this, Bobby. Tell me from Jay Davis of the four of you is significantly the oldest. He's 72 years old.

Yeah, but I'm not crazy. He's like way older than you. He's not way older. He's older. He's the oldest. He's 40, 40 something. He's the oldest his 40 40 something 40 something or at least 40 maybe and you and you guys were in your early 30s Yeah, so I'm saying so like he was like the Chumpy of the whole thing and like I should have been teaching us shit

Yeah, it just dang yelling in them for being good at sports. Yeah, he should have been giving us advice from shit He's went through God damn it. That's funny. tell dane he's just so me how he describes it but dane just overtakes him in the in the in the yelling but somebody's gonna be out of the way right the way describes the what happened on the track you know that song that song is about him and j. About after the show. I'm yelling but I'm having fun. You never break, you never pay attention to rules. That's the thing I love and hate about you most. Gary hasn't said a word.

Where has Gary been? He's checked out. Bobby's yelling at everyone again. You ruined all my fun. Bobby's got misdirected anger. Bobby can't take it out on Dane because he signs the checks. Every fucking thing I'm doing, you have to somehow get in and break a rule Bobby never had a dad

I was telling Bobby earlier home describe yes they described it perfectly Jay Jay keeps accidentally winning it everything yeah he just keeps actually and then even Jay's like you know what dude I'm just gonna shoot this accidentally winning it everything Even Jay's like you know what dude. I'm just gonna shoot this people got up in the air And he shoots out the air like it hits like a perfect angle piece of metal and bounces down It's really god damn it. I can't stop beating this guy stuff. He's so angry at me He just throws the mini golf ball in the air and it lands in the hole in mind

Oh, they have a foot race and Jay falls down and Dan explodes. He just explodes no million pieces. Like you're just not determined not to beat this guy to anything. Jay is very good at, he's very good at everything. But he's just like, he plays a soul but he goes, I guess I'll try a go-kart. I don't know, they seem pretty fun.

They seem pretty jazzy guys. I'd like to take part in the fun. And then, yeah, he's like Jay and then it's over like Jay damn it. Jay was what did you win? He was so nervous about winning anything by the end of course He probably started thumb wrestling like this. He just kept his thumb down already He goes oops looks like my thumb tripped on his way in the ring. Dane is a fierce competitor He must win. He must win. Wow.

But then, by the way, Dean busses balls while they're being told the rules. Like, let's go, uh, highlight hair. And then he wins. And then he, he did have highlights before anybody. By the way, the go kart chick. Pretty hot. Yeah, she's hot. She's pretty hot.

She got to think she looks like now. Mom, but you watch the scene. Oh, Zembek ass. She looks like Mrs. Roper now. Stanley. Stanley. Stanley. All right, go ahead and play this.

This is a tour gasm. The golf cart race looks like Jay's talking to a hot chick about he's like whatever you do Don't say I win Look to me favorite even if I cross the finish line first. Can you just say that I lost? I'm just qualified Here's a hundred bucks. Don't let me win. Just don't put enough gas in my my go-car even if I crossed it finish line first The game crosses have the lights go on then. So that was a full lap behind. I don't care if I'm five laps ahead. Can you shoot me in the head if I'm ahead of you?

Just put me down before you yells. Christine, could you put it up on mine just so I can show you what I'm talking about? Christine, you got to make it warmer in here. I have it up on yours. Let me reshare. Hang on. Thank you. There we go. Oh, the side of my head. She's sending it. She's sending it, but she's keeping it to herself. By the way, when Bobby's celebrating his victory, they have this profile of Dane just steaming in the foreground. So great man. Jacob, can you see that? Yeah, good.

Look, Jay Davis talked to everybody out there. Basically, you hit a person and gain a position on them. They will use a position because you hit them. You will go to Penalty Lock and you will be lost. See you out there, okay? Alright, Frosty. We'll see you out there, Frosty. Highlights.

So, they are five, based car four. Okay. Now watch, Dane, crush him into the inside wall. We'll put this out. And he gave the finger. He gave the finger, too. And now, it's a thing. It wasn't you.

It was Dane. I was on the inside that whole last turn. You turned. I did not push you into the wall. Dude, you cut in. It was Inside that whole last turn I did not push you into the wall. Dude you cut in and that's you You saw me coming in that lane dude and you cut in no I was already on it. I'm an honest guy. You know you That's serious What about Bobby genuinely? Is he putting that for the cameras a lot? I mean he's got to be he's not this serious. I Can't say it was Because it might be another tour and I ain't that friendly with Portpurt anymore

I might need to ride some carts with Dane. I'm in Jersey this weekend, the second show isn't sold out. So I might need some Dane Club Cloud. I might have to open for him in his back yard. Forward, forward, forward, put Behind my house Dude, um, can you rewind it? I gotta see yes. No, he was this was all serious Jace to describes exactly what happened correctly I was on the inside and you push me into the wall this thing J. Davis's hair is fucking the shit though. Can we just say that you're going to hedgehog?

I mean his head his high line out of the whole time. I mean, he's got fucking rock shit though. Can we just say that? You can't go to the hedgehog here. I mean, his, his highlights at the whole time, yeah. I mean, he's got fucking rock star hair. Yeah. Yeah, for, for a comedian in his late 50s, he looks fantastic. He looks like when the Goo Goo Dolls first got all prissy primped. Yeah. Fucking great.

And so Dean, drill some ass. Drill some ass. And then yells at him, it's real. So man, it's a man. And then yells at him, which is great. It was a day. I was on the inside that whole last. So she's saying it was. I did not push you. She's taking Danes side and she's completely wrong. I think she must be star struck.

No, I think you're wrong. I think she's taking J's taking Danes J side. She is. She's saying like no, Dan pushed you you knocked him Yeah, okay. Yeah, she's agreeing with Jay and poor Jay is what is Jay? And and then just danger looked at her like there's no way I'm gonna fuck you now you dumb bitch You Was I was on the inside that whole last turn me into the wall Go car track

It Jay says I put you push me in the wall, and then he says I did not push you into the wall He crushed him into the wall. He says I'm an honest man Well, if you look at it, I mean He didn't cut into him. Wow I mean to work as a here you can do this, come and, keep playing it and watch his face while Bobby is celebrating. Because I did it. I didn't push someone into the wall because otherwise he wouldn't have-

I did not push you into the wall, dude. You're over your right hand. You saw me coming in that lane, dude, and you caught me. Look at Frosty just going, what the fuck am I involved with Frosty's like what am I doing here You know you work you I had that hole in I had that hole inside you know that you cut it and I got the pen Yes, you did number one baby. I was position. That was one kids

It's right Yes you did. Number one baby. I thought it was position. That was one kids. That's right. Jesus. It's fast. I'm the champion. Dean Cook just smashed up his time certificate and threw it on the ground. Number one. And asked for the camera stuff.

Sometimes you know what, you don't always have to win. But it feels fucking good when you do. Let it deck. It's a deck dude. It's a fail I You like going through the hang I got you Nah, he fucked into you Take congratulations man Session one

Oh hold this now You look the way he shakes you kids No I don't want that Are you sure? I know in your long time, you're not gonna hand it to me I go to reach for it, you pull it away really quick I would never do that dude I would never do that, take it dude

Dude, you deserve this as much as me dude Touch it, hold it You're out of your mind I I'm not going to do this. I'm number one. Such a dick. I'm with you dude. Come here. It's a type of guy I am though.

I will take him off to the side. I will get the laugh, but I, you know what? Here you go. Tour Gase was kind of funny, man. I mean, yeah, I watched every episode. Awesome. Explain what's happening right now. He's letting him go up on the I won I won the whole race because those two idiots crashed to do each other and he got a penalty and then I I let Danes stand on the another one put number one spot on the nothing was yours

It was mine, but I let him stand up there. I mean I think it's what you did for him every night Bobby. Yeah, you let him have the number one spot I didn't Instead of going out there and fucking taking that audience Ball them up and put in your little pocket Damn, you're so happy with that. Do you still have that trophy? No, I tossed that shit Yeah Happy with that do you still have that trophy? No, I tossed that shit. Yeah Let me keep it I don't think I got to keep that somebody took that from me. Yeah, somebody took that

Yeah, Raquel she was so sweet Yeah, she was a singer, right? Yeah, she's hard to be away serious jawline though, huh? So excited Yeah, she was a singer, right? Yeah, she was a singer. It should be hard to be aware. Serious jawline though, huh? I don't care about so much, but I am so excited that he's a... She's got a pollock chin. Amazing. I don't even know what that is, but it sounds funny. It's a little too much to call Chicago pollock chin. I mean, I gotta take offense to that sometimes.

What do you mean? I apologize. Yeah, but not your chin. Here's a problem with the wish. The problem with that when she showed up, it's like, dude, I was away from, we're all away from our chicks for a month. Like, all of a sudden, Dane got his chick flown in.

I get he's the star. We all understand, but I wish there was a, no, no, Bobby, you were in the impression that this was the four of yours co-headlining tour. Remember that insane thing you said yesterday? I did it. Wait a minute. Well, Cal Little, we are on Dane Cook's tour

gasm poster. That's not it was not pitched. It was not pitched. Fuck you, Jacob. I hope you have fished each you. It was not. I can't believe Kevin Hart as in said a big Jane little Kevry Union tour across the country. It was not pitched. Why not man? I'll do what we could do. Probably do football stadiums. Why not, man? I'll do what we could do. Probably do football stadiums. I'm guessing between the both of us, we could probably sell out a football stadium. It was it.

It was. It was between me and Kevin Straw. I think we could probably do a football stadium. Are you gonna let him talk to you like that? Oh, no, Bobby, I'm just kidding. Don't fall back into your old habits. I don't want you in the grip of a phantroliquism, any further again. This cock suckers is in the middle of behind the scenes.

It was your toy, too. He said it. He said it. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Hey, everybody, thanks for listening. That was just a portion of our actual SiriusXM radio show. If you want the whole thing, the whole damn thing, go to seriousxm.com slashbombfire for a special offer. That's right, and go to bigjcommy.com and robbercallylive.com

to check out our stand-up dates coming to a city near you. Go on, go on, go on, go on, go on. I stepped on your crackle crackle, I stink. stuff don't you crackle crackle I stink.