The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Gather 'Round and Hear the Preacher

Episode Date: March 12, 2021

This Washington D.C. Preacher is taking the Lord's word into his own hands and telling the laaaaaaddieesss how it is.Stream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/Bonfire Follow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM@DanSoder www.DanSoder.com@BigJayOakerson www.BigJayComedy.com#CrackleCrackle

Hey, it's Big J. Ocarson and Dan Soder. Welcome to the Bonfire podcast. We'll have new episodes every morning, Tuesday through Friday. You want more bonfire. You can hear our full show every day on SiriusXM. You can go to SiriusXM.com slash Bonfire for a special three-month offer. This is from the article that we found from the Washington Post where a pastor says women quote may not be quote epic trophy wives, but should be thin for their husbands. He's now on leave. That's great that that's is great. That's great that it's in the headline where it's just like, and he's been suspended. Just real quick, before you guys go in there, he's gone. He doesn't work here.

And, yeah, before you read this, a guest. He took a break. Does like a cardinal put you on leave? How does it work in religion when it's a job? Like, this pastor though is so self-assigned. Yeah, I think you could just, I think we could start calling you pastor Dan. Like, do you know?

Pastor Dan, but then do I just take my commands from the Almighty? Cause then you just start being like, actually, boss man told me to fucking kick off a little early today. Yeah, it's God only. It's the will of God, dude, by my pastor. So what do you guys?

I mean, I'm just gonna let you guys know right now, my sermon today is only 35 minutes, cause you know know the sweet creator Let me relax a little on a Saturday. Oh, pastor Montana has some ideas about women shut up Shut right the fuck up Yeah, okay Missouri or Montana Missouri I don't know Facebook

I want to see this guy set. I want to see this guy set. I want to see this guy. Jacob, you want to press this guy? Well, I'll read here. I'll read here what Christine finds the set. Steward Allen Clark delivered the controversial sermon on February 28th at first general Baptist Church about how God built men to look at women and the ways in which women should maintain their physical appearance on board so far. I'm not saying every woman can be the epic trophy wife of all time. Yeah.

We're not being crazy. Like Melania Trump is. That's different. That's the president's piece. Yeah, but also this guy is most epic trophy wife of all time is mo... Melania Trump. It's not by what... It's not by what... It's not by what... It's not by what... It's not by what... It's not by what... It's like a PowerPoint presentation like every time he mentioned somebody their picture what went up behind him What is and is there video of this speech? That's obviously this right here. Yes, but that quotes great You finished that one day. I know. Yeah, we finished the quote is because he's gonna say it here

I'm not saying every woman can be the epic trophy wife of all time like Malania Trump. He said with a large image of the former first lady behind his head, most women can't be trophy wives like her. Maybe you're a participation trophy, but you don't need to look like a butch either. All right. Very against short haircuts. Get out of your sweatpants, you pig. There's a man in the room. All I'm saying is maybe stop doing so many shoulder lifts

You get early Yeah, I didn't marry a dock worker. I met a sweet little feminine lady. Hey, you know where your backwards hat at the dinner table He's also a cash preacher. I like done. I like a denim preacher. Yeah, by the way, look he's got a fucking He's got a deck of axes on him though, huh? This guy's ready to fucking, he's ready to wail. But Metallica's got microphones every like 15 feet. That's this guy in play because never know what I'm gonna want to strum one out. He goes, I tech, he goes, I tech for you because this, this pastor you wouldn't know.

I tech for a pastor. No, it's, I gotta be there three hours before the show. This guy's, I gotta do drop D on his one On his one fucking acoustic He's easy to get a less Paul he's got a less Paul the strings can't stay on this thing without poppin It would be great to find out that he was a multi platinum selling Christian rock musician that then went into the preacher hood. I like to think he's a fucking shredder, dude. That guy can really rip fire. He saw this one's called the Corinthians. Lalalalalala.

He's just tickling the fucking neck. Oh, it was 80 cents. Feet. There was an inn that was full. No, no, no, no. Get in the fucking kitchen and suck my dick. Blom, blah, blah, blah, blah. St. Michael. get in the fucking kitchen and suck my dick. St. Michael.

It's 22 38. I know what we got two hours. Why we have a two hour show. Then I want you to know. Sorry, pause it already is a cave yours his hand in the pocket chubby guy Demeter already have the gates like what he he starts the opening six seconds him just looking around with like the Explain this shit. All right What do you dumb dumb gonna start this up?

You guys I'm dumb. I'm gonna start this up. No. He goes out. He goes, oh, here we go again, stupid. So Lord said, fucking hit the gym off and top. We're sick of looking at you. He said cardio and lightweight work. Yes. His wife, his wife respected him enough and lost the baby weight form. She's keeping the tight form.

Dude, we gotta find his wife. We gotta find the way he looks. Oh yeah. Looks like, we gotta find what his wife looks like. Because's keeping the tight form Dude, we gotta find his wife. We gotta find it. Oh, yeah We gotta find what his wife looks like because if his wife isn't hot you are like fuck you What do you put but what if she's an in shape participation trophy? If she's John based down on them and got those abs that I'll respect it It's just funny when a shlubby guy is telling women to be hot. He's bringing home the bacon, dude. Yeah, but he looks like a community college professor.

He really does. So the way his sweater and he's like, sorry, I worked down at Raytheon and this is just kind of my side gig. Do it. From this astrophysicist. Christine starts clearing two million years. She could pork up and tell me to shut my fucking mouth. Yeah, dude, you could have a bib on. I pay for everything. Christine starts clearing two million years. She could pork up and tell me to shut my fucking mouth.

Oh yeah, dude, you could have a bib on. I pay for everything. I pay for everything. Sorry, Jacob. The article that was explained that it's shocking to everyone outside the community, but nobody batted an eye that was there because they're very by the book. Like, in purple day,

that's just past their Tommy. Yeah. I loved it. It's got to think for fitness. Stuff in the very beginning to see how he kicks comes anyway. Then I want you to know a need that a man has that he won't ever tell you about.

But since I'm the preacher man, I'll say it. Figuring the butt. Your man needs an eye contact once in a while when you're down there make me feel like you know me or something He said your man need your man wants an attractive wife somebody said Needs an attractive woman needs an attractive woman believe yeah pull it back. It was 13 seconds Alpha it's cuz like Al Franken I don't know if you guys are really fucking, it's kind of like Al Franken. Then I want you to know a need that a man has

that he won't ever tell you about, but since I'm the preacher man, I'll say it. Your man needs an attractive wife. Well, anybody else thinks about, well, I shouldn't say it. Chapter three, keeping it tight, power point. That is great. I thought the article was great. It's like a Tarantino movie where it's like,

Waaaah! It gives you the thing, the chapter of the movie. By the way, what's chapter one and two? It's like, chapter two, hand stuff is cool before marriage. Tractive life, it goes, good mower is number two. You know, if you just want to keep your lawn nice and green No pun intended Off you player said he said I'm married trophy wife, but now she looks like a Stanley cup

You see what I'm talking about is he reading this out of the Bible? Why is he why is he appearing to be reading it out of the Bible? Because all this right here King James. Yeah, all right here. Moses came out from the mountain and said, bitch, what you been? Do you have you stopped eating since I left? Come on. Tobias said to his wife, you got a hell damage on your butt. Yeah, he goes, you know, there's fruit and vegetables here too. Said Joseph. Luke came from the mountain and said, you know, you can probably come with me the next time

up the mountain. It's good for you. Mary was back in Pilates two days after Jesus was born. He's getting the title. Some say it's first miracle. Joseph invented kegels. Told her to squeeze her God trap And Michael said unto the disciples two healthy shakes and then a sensible dinner Boom boom. Let me see it make about He says I bought you that watch that tells you how many steps do the steps because Hershey said let me put a drink on it. Who are you? Ezekiel said upon the disciples.

Come on. If you got him, put him out there. I was looking for the actual scripture that I've read from Bubba Sparks, who once said to you, I found you, Miss New Booty. Together, then bring it back to me. Hit the play as club, bow to a month or two, put a can on it, then see what it do. I found you. Miss New Booty.

Get it together, then bring it back to me. That's really all in lyrics dude. He just man. Bubba spa. Oh, there's a whole man read the the Bubba Sparks Bible would such you know that you can put it on me enthusiastically hell yeah, and ladies here. Here's the thing you need to know about man Don't give him a reason to be like this distracted boyfriend You hear me? Don't give him a reason to be looking around. Hello? Don't do that. I said this for a long time. I'll say it again. It's free by the way. Dude, it's, he's already saying, I love it. It's your fault that I'm looking at this girl's ass on the street. Why is your ass not the best on the street? Why didn't you do everything in your power for me not to look?

Yeah, of course I looked because you don't look that good you idiot I'm starting to think that this church has got some tight tummies in the lay the females got some tight tummies in this Where are we to Missouri? Nobody laid down give me ten crunches We're gonna do sides to sides sides sides. Let's plan and think about the Lord now a lot of people don't focus on the obliques But they say there's a glam of muscles, but that's what we're looking for the devil is it is in your gag reflex Get rid of that you can have the Lord come right into it. Just turn all these fucking church going women into hose. Make a clap. Why are you wearing full coverage

but underwear when they make thongs? To quote the yin yang twins. Why do you see my dick? I? Really don't believe women understand how visual men are No, I really don't I don't think that I don't think it's in their capacities or ability to understand how visual that men are I really don't think women understand how important it is for a man to have a beautiful woman on his arm All right guys. That's definitely not the Bible. I mean, he's reading out of a book that usually passionate holding a Bible. He's reading out of something else. If you're his wife or you, are you just sitting there thinking like, are you trying to tell me something, buddy? And he's like,

whoo, just waking up every day next to a boa oatmeal. Stop sitting around watching real housewives. Maybe when your sister carol calls, you could take that call to treadmill. Hugging does is not a food group. I said to her theoretically. Cleasy. It's in the Bible. It's here in this Bible Right here this Bible that I'm holding I'm holding it Philippians for I don't know baronstein bears chapter three God said wash your ass get it right get it tight Hit it tight. No, it's get it ripe. Get it right. Hit it tight. Miss new booty.

Let's say God because you come from a heinous wicked family gave you little flapjack Friday activities. There's a doctor for that. There's a doctor for that. That surgeon's hand is the Lord's hand putting those big ass new boobs in you. Woo! And relishing the Lord's gifts them titties look good. Hands putting those big ass new boobs in you And relish it in the Lord's gifts them titties look good. Oh, man. I want to see where this guy goes Jacob You watching this whole video, huh? Oh my god. He can he transcribed it. I feel like a shu and for heaven Absolutely No concession is Jacob Jacob. uh, he wants what he wants.

Jacob's all in on this guy. I feel it. You want your man to say, uh, when you take, when you, when he takes you to the Christmas party at the office, my friend may have married a trophy wife, but compared to mine, she doesn't even qualify. What? Bullshit. You're man.

Yeah. You see, you see, you see you start telling people about your friends out, wife and go, but my that ugly bag of bones on with them. Cook up a steak like a motherfucker. Oh, like, I want to know what this guy's wife looks like. I'm trying to

search for her. I'm like searching on my phone for his wife. Hasn't playing the video. It's okay. Say about you to him. You should be the most beautiful woman in the room. May, may, ladies. So all guys, you see all guys right there? We go back. Go back five seconds. What he says that you just hear like four different dudes go like yeah, am I wrong ladies goes yeah, yeah But compared to mine she doesn't even qualify. Oh That's what ultimately you want your your man to say about you to him. You should be the most beautiful woman in the room beautiful woman in the room. May man, lady. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I guess that'd be cool. Okay. It's a lot of ugly wives in that room. This sermon was brewing for a while, man. He spent time on this. Yeah. Yeah. He won't even it set. Oh, that's why he's holding on. I thought was a Bible bible it's his notebook is the size of fucking the art of war Damn dude, he's doing some side he's doing some sidewalk cafe comedy and they have notes and shit Isn't so many times that women after they get married let themselves go Why is that so Lee?

Can I get an answer for the men that are active in the audience? Can I get an answer for the men that are active in the audience? It's just that the people at church are just poking their wives and they're like, yeah, why are you like this? Yeah, why is that about this this little this little thing here? I'm pregnant wasn't here when we met But they're like most of worst day of church for you And they're like probably my husband busted out a marker and started circling parts on me because the preacher told him You see those extras you see those extra stuff in your armpit. I don't remember that on our first date. He was all over me. I didn't marry a turkey. What is this? Get it ripe. Get it tight. Hit it tight.

Here's how way too many women are. I got him now. Damn. The chase is over. Hey, that's where you're wrong. It's chase ain't never over Chasing the road and by God he don't love me the way I look now. He oughta look at his own spare tire in the mirror True now look I'm not saying every woman can be the epic the epic trophy wife of all time Like Melania Trump I'm not saying that at all The epic trophy wife of all time like Milan your Trump I'm not saying at all Most women can't be definitely pick that picture out because he jerked off to it. Make sure you see I want to be able to see your games real good. He goes oiled up just shining bright

Maybe something that I could really oh Man, I think I heard in that flow and blue dress and I just get all the devil itches down in my sack I get goosey loose oh I'll just start getting fire seat and squirm and no like her maybe you're maybe a particular I don't know I don't know hey sorry Jeff Garland I'm more of a Jill Biden guy dude he's a total schlob? It's great. It's nice. It's so balls out, man. Yeah. It looks like if Andy Kimler stops trying to say.

Yeah. So all I can say is not everybody looks like that, amen? No, it never looks like that, but you don't need to look like a butcher. No. I do want you to be strong enough to lift my belly and find my ding dong and my rock But you don't need to look like a butcher. I do want you to be strong enough to lift my belly and find my ding dong and my rock fellos. Yeah, stick the leg day. A sweatpants don't cut it all the time, huh? So your flip-offs and pajamas, the Walmart, they ain't over.

They ain't nothing attractive about that. No. And men want their wives to look good at home and in public. Can I get a name in? Better wear a ball down the gas station. I'm talking about how fashion, everywhere you go. I want you in tight thongs and tall heels. I want to make sure to just write it. Did I come down blue enough?

My volume is blowing a little bit. That's good. Come back down from this crowd. Taking me all this time. Oh, my God. I'm just fond of what I need. I think he looks like Gavin Rosdale. Hands out of the pocket.

And he is, yeah, this guy's confident as all hell. Yes, you go to Walmart. You better make me have blood pumping in my crotch You go to get an oversized jug of Arizona iced tea and I better be ready to push you in with the frozen waffles and bang You're right there. I went all the local it eats to be jails when they see me squirting out with the hose and a baby pulling the front yard Want to look like a damn white snake video when I'm getting y'all splashy. Yeah, you can be all gooped up in your panties when you see me shredding with these hot legs right here. He goes, I'll go acoustic too, bust out some DMB.

I don't know if he knows that less Paul, but I threw a couple extra pickups on that thing. Really hits the night notes. I get the right water jacket fucking jam. It's true. They want their wives to look good in this book now. Men's knees and her knees are referred to that last thing. Dr. Hartley says this, this is this ladies, you should take great pains as you can to look like the woman he fell in love with as much as you can like the woman he married.

What? Here's a sec. You should take great pains to look that way. Does that mean surgery? That means surgery, right? It means whatever you have to do, Dan. Let's get that butt-in plant, Miss New Booty. According to 12, and we just came in,

bubble-dumbed, and then it's blocked with the Yang Yang twins, Let's get that butt in plant miss new booty quarter to 12 and we just came in bubble That spark with the Yang Yang twins sipping up a throne blow blow blow up shorty in the thong whoa whoa whoa Asked to jiggle in mother fucking wiggling Bubba sparks knows all about this he should be a preacher Here's a secret you need to know ladies. I just came up here. God made men to be drawn to beautiful women. You are made. You can't imagine.

You are like that. That's how God made us. Do you think he wasn't attracted to garden? You know, think he wasn't a piece. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. I mean, I know it's only one lady, but you're trying to tell me he was a 34 28 34. No 10 lines that golden skin and just that happy trail going down to that landing strip getting right to her juicy apple. Come on now with it. St. was the only snake offering her an apple. A wing. Adam was blown up since first.

What's it? You think God molded a pig? Yeah, I had the mold. He's gonna make what some flat chested gross butch. He came out with a Jessica rabbit. You know, Eve had some titty. You know she did. I get you're off to him right now.

But I won't. But I could. But I want. I just do this to know that I could, but I won't. but I won't, but I could, but I want to just do this to know that I could but I will I won't but I won't but I could, but I won't, but I could. Man to be attracted to beautiful women by the way, that's why he married you. He thought you were the most beautiful thing he had ever seen in his life. But look at you now. Look at all of you. I'm gonna start with you, Dars, here in the front row. I remember when you didn't have bangs all the time.

Yeah. Why do you smell like mothballs every time I hug you? Wearing old baggy, dungaree jackets when you go to the thick. Don't wear sterile pants. You look ridiculous. He's just completely fucking shitting on the hole in every woman in the crowd you I've seen you run you you have a pool outside you're always sitting in the bathing suit you can call it juvenile you can call it immature you can call it sexes whatever you want to but here's another secret you need to know. Ladies, it's the way God made us, it's the way we are.

Men are going to look. He made us to look you want them to be looking at you. Nice, dude. He's right out of the mirror from Mars, when we're from Venus. Right out of the New York Times best seller Men are gonna look but you want them to look at you. This guy is pulling a whole pickup artist thing Who goes nag them walk up pull their hair tell him go you fat your fat wife and I don't love you anymore What if a girl with a great ass walks by in like tights and I start to give her a peek and then Christine immediately she drops her pants and shows her mouth on the streets I'd be like I'm gonna look at Christine.

Yeah, also probably like the third or fourth time he'd be like, hey are you going mentally insane? Do we need to worry about this? No, no, I'm gonna say. I was like, oh you've been getting into that guy's sermons. Good, that's good. Oh, you've been reading the scripture. I've been reading the scripture. I even read the scripture of Tom. Oh, man You've been reading it. He takes from so many great books the Bible men are from Mars He's all over the place chicken soup for the teenage soul Tantra tantric sex in the modern age Jesus keeps writing about so had So had to make friends with his favorite.

Swinging a beginner's guide to swinging. It's just all about just stuff that it's pretty cool. Break on through the other side. Jim Morrison's on an authorized biography. Money ball. What? The road by a Cormac McCarthy. What?

And a where's Waldo find your wife where is she if she was hot enough you'd find her you'd see if you'd by the windmill with a Viking or she'll be on the river in the fish and she blends in worse than Waldo she's so plain looking gross gross you know who never gave me a boner Waldo Waldo no need to look for that, because you ain't gonna find it. If you don't, it's not sexy for your man, he's gonna turn gay.

That'll be your fault. You're gonna turn if you leave a milk in the fridgrain line off the ghost's hour. Well, if you're not hot enough, your husband's gonna suck his best friend's cock. And that's what's gonna happen. And that's cock and that's gonna happen and that's on you You're gonna ruin you gonna cause his eternal damn nation because you can't hit the gym You can't errone a zoom of class

Christine if you would so we need to not we Neither Don't let yourself go. It's important that your man has a good looking woman on his arm, but you say, how can I do that? Oh, I'm so glad you asked that question. 24th, you had a new deal this month, where new signups get absolutely all access to spa and locker rooms.

In my office, you and your husband, and we're talking about your marriage, and you've asked me this question about what can I do about that? All right, if you were sitting in my office, here's the first thing I'd say to you, and boy, I hate to say that. This is why I don't do a marital counseling anymore. And that is, weight control. Day. All right right funny story Wow By the way Guys preaching the truth, but I gotta say he is doing it with blunt force tron This is with a thick ball peen hammer. He is laying these facts on this is like when you eat cooking chocolate

You're like the place is taste so weird guys too rich too much It's bitter. I need some sugar That's needs a little bit of sugar, man Sofina punch, but Tell her you're gonna have fattening foods tonight and you want to watch her eat celery You're gonna have fattening foods tonight and you want to watch her eat celery I don't know grapes are a good snack for your macy's day float of a while Maybe you could just have a salad tonight. I know it's spaghetti now, but still it would have been better if he went Push it control

I just love this idea of coming goes we're having having some Irish troubles and he goes well honey look at you Yeah, of course y'all I heard you I heard you walking from down the hall damn glass jumping around like Jurassic I can tell you're problems. You got those baggy bottom arms first and foremost can't see your can't see your zipper or your button Jump up jump up for me got those baggy bottom arms first and foremost. Can't see your, can't see your zipper or your button. Jump up, jump up for me. Turn around, do it again. Sure it's got coffee stains on it. You had the kids, do they still sleep in you? Yeah, you're wearing his shirt.

That's weird. It's weird when you're like, I don't know, he's kind of, he's been, you know, my husband hits me and I want him to stop doing that. And he's like, well, why are you so ugly? Have you thought about maybe getting on some sort of a program like a Jenny Kregor or a link was ain't we do points here. So the kick at bar many one at six points.

He goes, now, if you want a full kick at bar, your husband gets to punch you in the stomach you can't say nothing about it All right, let's get into his weight loss ideas lever in a hot car It was put rapper and trash bags put our next house back in sauna These are basic way cut these are basic way cutting theories that have been in part for years Because you got a vision quest to the bitch Put her at some trash bags make her lose weight and I I

Graded to council this couple They've been married for five years She looked like a sumo wrestler He was a little dude. Well, hold on. I didn't even hear what she said about him. I didn't hear me said about him because I dude I didn't even hear what she said about him. I didn't hear me said about him because I feel like a sumo wrestler Excuse me, Mr. Preacher. This is my wife. She a top of Yokohsuna Number one a sumo rissera in all the islands of a Japan and he's like yeah, buddy Let's get to the mat throw some salt down. Let's get to the mat

You you wouldn't, you don't think when you meet any man of God, quote unquote, you definitely don't think even behind your back, this is the shit he would talk. Let alone another sermon. This is the shit. You're like, well, he's not going to call my, if anyone's not going to call my wife, a fat ugly semolina, it's the preacher. This guy takes, puts on a lapel mic to say it. Yeah, and while he's doing it, he's kind of like, right guys, right? Christine, back up 10 seconds at least, I have to hear what that statement was. Dude, this guy set is raw. She looked like a sumo wrestler. And he was a little guy.

She looked like a sumo wrestler and he was a little guy Lack of rider like a guy started saying you know there wasn't was no intimacy going on there and You know I'm I'm trying to keep a straight face This guy is Sick this guy's cracking this guy's cracking over this couple's marriage problems because she's overweight He's like I'm trying to keep a straight face.. Yeah, I think I see the problem there beuela He goes, I don't know maybe I can also help you cut your food costs Right you guys have about told you I can make your wife pretty again and maybe you can suck away a little bit of cash Get some Christmas money.

You know what I mean? Oh dude, do you think the guys who were setting up the set for this thing were like, oh, you can just die. No, I don't. By the way, if this guy was in town, would you not go to see his sermon? Every Sunday, it would give me back into church. Oh my God. This guy, this guy, this is his, this guy is scorching the earth. I don't want to see him

every Sunday. I'm there on there at 8am to see the first toys fresh. I get there for the wife weigh-ins. That's where the real party starts. Do it with this clipboard of shame. Yeah, he goes up, you're up to Denise quarantine. Shmar and teen shake that ass off. Oh, shit. Did he him just with the holler? Which is what trying to keep a straight face is the worst thing? Yeah, I'm trying to keep a straight face. Look at this slob. She just sweat and she smells like cured beats like a like a, or like a canned meat of some sort. She was sweatin', like, do, to so fucking funny.

He married people for, and so I said to him, I said done. So I says to the guy, I says I says. So I says, I says, you guys have a lot of snacks. He's deliberately joking. So I says to him, I says, uh, you guys have a lot of snacks. Yeah, he's deliberately jokes. So I said to him, I said, uh, I guess sir, you're on top most of the time. So I look to the guy and I said to him, I go, as I says, I says, uh, hey, uh, what's your buffet budget every month? So I said to the guy, I said, uh, does she beat when she backs up?

So I said to the guy, so I said, I said, how do you know if you're in the pussy or just her back fat. This guy handed the pocket through this guy is cash. It's because it's because it's because it's so cold killer. This guy is not he's not worried but it's at all. He's not he's not worried about this at all You guys give it I browse the woman in the crowd like hmm It's got the guitar and his knee goes that electric guitar he goes can't some me from what The kingdom of heaven Did I oversell this? No, no, Under, possibly under. I mean, each guy, this guy, each line, this guy has, you're like, there's no way he could

top this. And he's like, I'm gonna say it, nobody wants to say, you're pussy stinks. You're so stupid. And I'm the pastor, so I guess I gotta say it. Yes, your pussy's get looser with time. Now, my friend Sting may have a way to help that for you. Don't stand so close to me. You guys, if you'll now take these holy balls, they have ascending weights. And what you do

is you put them inside yourself ladies and use your muscles to keep them up there. You guys are so riveted by this guy. I just looked at the timestamp and we've actually gotten through six minutes of video So it's the bonfire. What did you know? I'm saying like I feel like normally like a lot for us a lot for us Like you're so riveted by what he's saying Like we've already made it through almost half the video. I didn't realize oh Yeah, I gotta hear I gotta hear the next thing. Oh, yes, you're right. I have to know He said because she's a fat and she came over that table and she grabbed him

I think he said I think the husband figured it out she does a lot of core I lock horns with this truck And I'm just battling it out. I give it up and into Greg By the way, you go to your pastor This poor this lady goes to the pastor talk The guys are trying to laugh at her for being fat and then the guys thought he goes Let's go to the pastor because I want to tell him that you're a fat bitch That's really what his guys described happen. You think now. Let's take bets You think when he goes and she is because she's a fat bitch. She came over to table I'm laughing my ass off on that's a good that's a good point

He might say he's laughing his ass off. I he might say he's laughing his ass off I would have sit by the way 10 minutes ago in my life. I would have never said that was a possibility But I'm telling you now. I think yes For sure this guy might say he was laughing And a but I'll say butt off My pituit off right if he what seems to be the problem when it comes to the intimacy part He said because she's a fat and she came over that table and she grabbed him and threw him on the floor and got on

Tommy's are beating the crap out of him grabbed him and threw him on the floor and get on to him is our beat the crap out of him. And here I am. I feel like a WWE wrestling referee. I'm trying to pull her off. He's got two black eyes, probably broken ribs, but she's punching in the ribs in the face at the same time. And I get I sort of got it. We all thought he was going to say broken ribs because you know she's fucking fat. She said I was totally waiting for a sit on. He didn't. It's got to go better than that. He was better than that. Keeps guessing. Best for the story, by the way, is 97% fabricated. Yeah, because that's an aggravated assault.

It just didn't happen. But she didn't go, what's he'd be into me? She problems and he goes because she's a fat bitch and then she beat the living fuck out of him in front of a past. It just didn't happen. Jay, you don't know how they got to five years. You don't know their journey. They had a very open dialogue. They had a very, very open dialogue. Maybe.

He looks like Hannah Gatsby. And I said, it's never in your prime having six with a sumo wrestler. Assume a wrestler's never in her prime. I'm in my prime now. Sumo wrestler me. Huh? Never. No wonder I don't do the Merrill Council anymore.

That's what I want to tell you is this. 10 months later, she had lost 100 pounds. That's probably not healthy. As she was pregnant with her second child. I guess it worked Why does he talk like Harry? How she came back and she was begging a little water buffalo because she was with child Clubs we have First of all, you lose a hundred pounds of ten months

You lose a hundred pounds of ten months Your body is going to look grotesque. Well, I know why she was on methamphetamines picking at her, stealing stuff squirrely. And just and they're pregnant again because they're clearly hillbilly people from where you're from. Yeah, that was going to happen if she was fat or not. But yeah, it's funny because she just, you know,

she replaced sugar with meth and that was the plan, Dan. You're right. God, real thin. You've been listening to Sirius XM's Bonfire! New episodes every Tuesday through Friday mornings and full shows, always on SiriusXM!