The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Half A Rack (w/ Shane Gillis)

Episode Date: October 21, 2019

Jay tells stories of being a young boy going bass fishing with a real man in Florida & ruining Disney World for his dad’s new family. Controversy explodes as Shane Gillis admits to sleeping naked when he and Dan Soder share a hotel room.

You're listening to Comedy Central! Hi, I'm Dan Soder. I'm Big J. O'Coursen. And you're listening to the Best of the Bond Fire. Stay tuned to hear some of our favorite moments from this week. You can listen to the Bond Fire live every Monday through Thursday from 6th APM on Comedy Central Radio. Serious XM95 or on demand on the Serious XM app. Also, be sure to follow us on all social media at the Bond Fire SXM.

Hey, Campers is Black Lou and welcome to the Bond Fire's Best of the Week. XM app. Also, be sure to follow us on all social media, not the bonfire, SXM. It's always 1983 in here. Yo damn right. That was when fucking Gary was connecting with Trish My dad was already done my mom by 83 buddy 83 out ski we did a we did a a 180 80 81 tops We did we did an 83 to 88 run. Yeah full soda clan five years five years dude. That's cool burst to five half a deck That's not bad dude. Not bad half a rack Hey for rack I thread three with with pops actually half a rack is 24 understand only three years of pops there and Only remember one night of it the last night You know you only remember the very last night of your family. Yeah, yeah, starting deep on the bonfire

Countess infrared is serious 695 now It's not deep of a store. I came out to air as he was knocking around the cops came to come out. Is that deep? I'm okay. When I woke up, I was in a wet, I was in a wet hole and my father was standing over. He wasn't being sure he was giving her the old like holding both arms like shaking like. Yeah, I love you. I fucking love you. Yeah. I think I told on him cheating. Oh, why are you snitched? Yeah, I think I snitched by accident.

No, I think it was just like, you know, my mom's like, that's a really nice ball you have. And I was like, Debbie gave it to me. She goes, who's Debbie? He's Debbie daddy friend. Suck his dick, what? Well, JJ watch. Uh, JJ watch and feel weird. JJ watch.

Yeah, it'd be better if you told me. He have seen we we is JJ is at right now right now He goes honey. You're telling me he was preaching to the choir. I better high five this day, big girl Yeah, I'm supposed to be tagging taking a tack for the team My parents were mid-30s and they were they're alcoholic 30s Yeah, which you know is best kind. Rosie cheeks. Yeah, man, when you're when you're everyone's blotchy in that fuck session. There's a picture of me and my dad where I'm in a diaper and I'm on his legs

and there's just a pack of marble reds right behind me and I was like, yeah, dude. That's right. I'm lucky if they're going outside or smoke. Oh, no way. No way. Right over you, dude. Right over. Ash, I've been cigarette hanging out of the mouth.

I've changed your diaper. A littleirstrops on your chest. So anyway, do you remember that bang mom against the wall cop's game and whatever Did the cops really come and I never think about yeah, yeah really it cops walk my dad out what yeah, I'm pretty sure I got mine my I got my dad did like the hate champ because I have to go Oh, yeah, oh my god. This traumatic is fuck. He drove like I don't wait to Florida. My mom got the divorce call like when they got Obama. All right, not Obama's when they got Ben Laden. Like she just picked up the college. He's like, it's done. It's done. Yeah.

Yeah, like a mob hit happened. Yeah, that's the right way. It's over. I don't know. My mom and dad's divorce thing actually, but he took, he went like right to Florida for a while Florida Yeah, I went off the flat. That's where you go shout out Gary for sticking around Cross the street from Caldonia's for a couple for a couple months and then high-tailed it to San Francisco's dad was out ski and Under a year Florida, too. What a divorce dad place to go. That's why I'd go to Florida on the summer's time I mean real like Let's go fishing gator people. Yeah, it was they fan they had to got their own fish and shit. I watch a guy

don't down here from Philadelphia. I remember they sent me with a guy who was just a roommate. Yeah, my uncle Vinnie. Yeah, rest in peace. All right, P Vinnie. He, uh, he goes, go with this guy fishing down by like just like a watering hole mostly. It was so all the layup for a molestation. I mean a layup dude. Yeah, you have had your peckle sucked in the tall grass. You look the part dude. He had like a gym coach area in the ball in the middle. Hit Picard hair. Ah, trust I'm gonna ball young Jason and return him a man. You had the he had the ball on top, you know, Picard hair with like, but like dark mustache. Yeah, like really good tan body, but like,

Harry, okay, yeah, no, I'm saying like, you know, he's a tock, you're like a magnum TA body from old NWA. Yeah, yeah. You look like a young bird Reynolds. Oh, that and took me out a fishing and just you two. Yeah, he caught a bass. Then we took it to a place and they waited. I don't remember the smell of everything.

Does that awful fish smell? Yeah. And then they asked him, I'm gonna remember if they wanted them the cleaning. And he said, no, and we went back to. Did he teach you a life lesson while he got at the fish? Did he go, now some men, they won't tell you to your face what you want to hear.

Is this slicing it? No, he did some people a lot to your Jason. And those are the people you're good like this fish. He's popping the guts out. He could see me be a real, he could see me being like a real like city nanny about it. Yeah. And so I think he was reveling very much and like he was like,

now what if you do it right, if you poke right, and he just, I think he just cuts a little part of the fish and like everything falls out. And and he digs his hand in Like extra like point the blood and the guts and everything and I think it was like this is what we're gonna have for dinner I'm like that's what you're gonna have for dinner maybe do it but there's not a fucking chance I'm eating that I've just seen his face hi Jason Ocherson you are familiar with my temper tantrums Yeah, I'm gonna get McDonald's. Yeah, Ollie Bert, oh yeah, temper tantrum. Not a temper tantrum, a full blown hissy fit.

More way to put it. Tempered tantrum would imply more masculinity into it, but this is the personality of. Oh, and hissy fit. I had a hissy fit when my dad's girlfriend Janine, the one that gave him, it was Janeta Janine, I always forget, the one that killed him. She got the fucking Death Star shot on him with the head suit. But we ate late I gave a hissy fit. Oh, yeah, cuz I wanted to eat and it was like 11 and I was like who are we gonna eat

No, man, I'm going and by the way you know your reasons and hindsight like you reason reasons why our fathers were deadbeats Cuz they hung out a few times and they go this kid fucking fuck dude what a little bitch I left his mom cuz she sounded like that yeah but I don't know I can scared of the temperature not this in here to my dad doing an impression of me while smoking and pouring two drinks for him in his drunk roommate jammy goes then the kids like oh do you play with my guys it's like no one or a fucking dog Go what a bitch. In this next clip, young Jay Ruins had tripped to Disney World, while on a vacation with his dad's new family.

When he got my first stepmother, he moved into a situation where the kids were like, young teens almost. Right, hot. Hot. Action. Yeah. And all boys, two twins, two and a third.

Roman God. Wasn't even that, they were just dudes though. So like, they already, I think, cared about like, the twins. Two twins, just third. Oh, Roman God. It wasn't even that they were just dudes though. So like they already, I think cared about like the Eagles. Sure. Did I mean that? He came in on a guy level. He came in as relating to them. Definitely more than I was a little kid and I'm telling you, when I hung out with him,

he probably, how much I probably in his world was like, oh my God, this kid's a sissy, but you know, I'm very afraid of the dark. Afraid of, uh, sleeping, afraid of sleeping, terrified weather. Weather, and weather would fucking wake me hard. You know who is Disneyland? We're going to Disneyland trip for him and his family. From Rain? I never told you.

I never told you. Did you need like a thunder vest, like a dog? Yeah. Yeah, I'm going to tell you. We go to Disney World. All right. My gonna tell you, we go to the Disney World. All right, my dad, you see, I mean, that's the big one. Listen, I'll tell you this, he definitely didn't want to take me to Disney World.

But he took me, he saw this coming, he's probably right. He's right, your dad was like put out knowing that he was like, I gotta take this fucking kid, I gotta take it out. Yeah, good trip. Yeah, unathletic little turd. Oh, no man. Come on I look like Peter from fucking Cosby show. Yeah, just sweats in a tight sweatshirt Body a bowl haircut. Oh, buddy. And then so we go We go to Disney World sure we give them a monorail which we'll come in the play later because I said even at that age I'm in my head going like I don't understand

Like the physics doesn't make sense to me That's one little track underneath of us. Yeah, I'm like we're gonna fall you're like unfrozen caveman lawyer Yeah, I don't like your spaceships in the sky. I didn't get it. I don't understand it. I didn't like it. Rails of one track. We went on the haunted mansion. Sure. From the elevator when the picture started stretching. I was like, I'm ready to go home. This is so scary. So immediately, the second you get this elevator, you're like, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. We go on teacups and saucers where every time I inform them.

I'm definitely on age where I inform everybody. If you guys spin it too fast, you know, the only thing you that could make this fun. If you spin it fast, I'm gonna scream. I don't like it. And then I was like, let me stay off, but nobody would stay off with me. So I go, so you're getting on the ride.

I just wanna, I just wanna time this out properly. You're getting on the ride, and you announce, little feathered hair Jason. But they have a melt. He just did everyone in the teacup. He go, do not spin it or I'm going to scream. It's basically yeah. It's like it and roughly word is I'm not going to handle it well. I don't like I used to come I don't like scary rides. I would say The seat cups the cups and saucers, you know the horror that is teacups and saucers. Yeah, and we get on And they start spinning it fast like a step others to fuck with me of course of it and I start screaming Your dad's laughing probably have no my dad's probably completely ashamed

He's like why is mine the fucking quif one? My biological kid the little nard. What kind of scream like a? Huh? No, the guy? He's very crazy. He's very crazy. He's very crazy.

Guys, stop! Yeah, for sure. Stop, guys! So, let me go on Mr. Toads Wild Ride. A little fast from my taste, but I got through it. And then, from Mr. Toads Wild Ride over to, is this it? Yeah. He's not a fan of this, huh?

This one's too scary for me. What? Yeah, I wouldn't go on it. What kind of fucking bitches do I do a radio show with? Well, not now, Dan, I'll go on it now. You want me to go on it and prove it to you? Yeah, I want you to do it. We're gonna take a run of Disney World.

Oh, I'm gonna show you what's what? Let's go. Let's go. But Christine, did you do this at Disney World? Dan, I'll go on it now. You want me to go on it and prove it to you? Yeah, I want you to prove it. We're gonna take a run of Dizz World. Oh, I'm thinking of showing you what's what? Let's go. Let's go. But Christine, did you do this at Disneyland? I did.

Disneyland, I didn't like this ride, and then Snow White was hard too, because when the witch came out with the apple, it was like nothing was scarier to me than that old bitch. How old were you when you did that? This was late. Yeah, your mom was walking. You know what?

Yeah, what? The more I'm looking at this, it's not that this was a fast ride. It was very Tim Burton flashy color in my little child eyes were scared. And then it's kept out and it doesn't. We keep going through it. I don't like breaking rules. There's a screaming man.

I'm breaking rules now. Oh my God. And trouble. We're going under a bridge. Now there's a city. I don't know where that's thing's going to fall on us. And then we go for Mr. Toes Wild Ride. Yeah.

Over to the go-karts. And Great. I mean, what a fucking day? I'm too young or something. I'll trade you Gary's in a second. No, no, let me tie this. I'm too young. I went to Disneyland and I'd appear to the car. Sorry, dude. I was my dad's yellow bug. I was too young or something to go on the go carts. Yeah, okay. It was age maybe Yeah, and if I think it'd be like maybe it was 11 or something like that sure or more I think you might probably be 12 or 13 or 13 so I was like I whatever was I couldn't go So I waited for that and then while I'm waiting for that We're in Florida. So inevitably a Massive seven-minute storm is about to come. Yeah, like the one, like the kind where we went and saw

Marilyn Manson. No, but not that kind. Like in Florida, dude, it's black cloud comes in. It rains for 15 minutes. And then it's a bright sunny day. It's crazy. Every day for most of the year. And that's what was coming in right now to be expected.

I see a storm coming in and I go, I feel like I just found, I was the first one that was told the apocalypse is coming and I saw the four horsemen and I need to tell people to get their lives I think I was witness and I start having on that golf car track waiting area a full blown I Mean sis fit dude. I mean I was going Hey wire Hey, why I'm really I think it's guys are also cuz it's Florida it comes in black Clouds. I would give money to watch a little kid meltdown over a Melting down then they go my dad reluctantly eventually angrily goes well We're not gonna shut this little fat turd up. So I guess we got to go

No, so we're leaving and then we have to get back on the monorail at which I throw a, I think I do a dead weight like don't want to get on it because now I'm like you want me to go on this thing I'm already shaky about in the fucking storm. No. I went dead weight on it. I definitely did. I just flopped. I go off the whole family can get me on and you can get me on.

No, I'm telling you I was definitely like it needed to be picked up and brought on. Tell me, I was high. What? Hi, this is Jacob. Long time friend of the show, Shane Gillis was our guest on Wednesday and controversy exploded as the young bull admitted that he sleeps naked when he and Dan Soder share a hotel room on the road. When we do the show, the three of us, I feel like you guys are two brothers and I'm the

guy fucking your mom and you just try to fucking harass me I don't like what fight you Jay My brother's home from my dad's house now. I'm doing commercial reason I see you guys like tapping each other on the tits back You didn't excited dog that's what made me laugh just kiss already. I would love to You think you're a dan a fucking kiss Me and a kiss to a certain of it in the morning As the dude settles on the grass. Oh real tongue splashed all my penis. I showed Dan my penis. I believe that is actually a true thing I do I believe you but Dan doesn't like that Dan doesn't play the gay jokes that much

That's not a gay joke. I wasn't gonna Shainted know there his dick was just hanging out You didn't know? Really funny Well we would share hotel rooms and I like to sleep naked You still do it? Shame the hell What? You sleep naked in the room with Dan?

Bro, just get out of the cupboard That's over in the room with some pealbots That's not true Yeah, 100% true There's something the floor of my hotel room was, did you sleep naked? Did I sleep on the floor? That must have been a rough night No, you don't remember that is that Tampa. Yeah No, I would have we made you like a bed on them with all the like we got like five sets of sheets remember

We make a floor bed You don't remember that. I don't think I remember that. It's uncomfortable. You lost the key for the condo I think I was blind said oh yeah, it sounds like I was pretty blacked out I didn't know he came back. We had a lovely conversation What you didn't know is that you promised me a lot that yeah, I gave you my bank code He was buck naked he was not naked no, no, no, he was fully clothed actually no no Yeah, I must have been hammered because I would have at least gone just undies Maybe you went to undies and then I'll I'm knowing Shane being on the road them if he's down on these good luck Chuck

That they're coming off really. Yeah, he would get to a hotel room and he gets so excited Why do you not demand that the person in the room with you doesn't sleep naked? It's hilarious. We're pals and we get naked dude the way Shane does it. It's so goddamn funny He got so excited and crawled through the dicks and then he was like, come jump up and kick my feet. It's hilarious. But when the joke's over, it's died down. Yeah, you gotta put that.

That's why he got up. He got up with the towel one time and he didn't know his dick was showing. He's like, all right, I'm gonna take a shower and this is talking to me and I was like, it's like, it's dicks is dead. He literally was like, I'm gonna take a shower and this is talking to me. I was like, for Dix's takeout. He literally was like, he penis is out. It wasn't a funny thing.

But what? There's one thing I'm always certain of, if it's the case, that my dick is out. My dick's never just been out. That's why, because I was holding the towel in front of me like a fucking matador, because I was naked behind it. I was like, fucking with Dan. But the bottom of the towel was still on the bed.

I was just holding up. My lower half was just out. Take me back to the decision of sleeping naked the entire night next to a buddy. You know, we're not next to each other. He's in another bed. Yeah, we're not in the same bed. Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't realize it's less weird if there's five feet between you. Not enough room for an adult to do a sit-up. Yeah, no, definitely not. I probably could have planned easily over to-up. Yeah, no, definitely not. I probably could have planned easily over to his bed. Yeah, I got a roll over onto his bed. You don't think I'd plan it tonight? I know they had to sleep. Yeah, I play some games. I play some weird games. I wouldn't. I wouldn't. There's not anybody on the road with Justin. You had Justin and Lewis

bone up on the shower. We had jerked off a guy. I never jerked off a guy You never jerked off a guy never did they jerk off each other then who? Somebody jerked off. I know there's a story somebody jerked. Lewis and Justin Lewis and Justin go much other off now They Waited for me. I went to the bathroom. Yeah, and while I was in the bathroom taking a shit Yeah, which was you know, it's a process always I look at the phone. yeah, and while I was in the bathroom taking a shit, yeah, which was, you know, it's a process always.

I look at the phone, I do whatever, be 30, 40 minutes. No, it wasn't even anywhere near, but even if it was like 20, which is still more, as soon as I went in there, they were like, they were like, hey, wouldn't it be funny when Jake comes out of for both lying on the same bed with our dicks out. And then they did that for like five minutes or so and I didn't come out of the bed. And then they go, wouldn't actually be funny here, if we, it'll be funny if you came out,

we both had raging boner. I guess this is Justin's plan. Justin's idea was the mastermind, Lewis. From what I remember, Justin, Lewis told the story and you know what, dude, he said Justin engineered the, wish me hard. Yeah, he does say that Justin did engineer that part. And then I think Justin was able to get a rager.

Lewis, maybe he did. No, maybe he did. I don't know, I don't remember. Touch mine for strength. All our members, the worst thing that could have had had had. Take some of my power. If you give one pump, you get a little pump. Yeah, it's like hot spot my dick.

Touch it, let's just touch helmets. See if it pumps you up. So when you came out of the bathroom, neither one of them. I think one of them, or both of them were hard, but whatever it was, they were looking,

whatever all this plan was, looking to have the result be for me. I'm just the wrong guy. You're looking for me to get like, upset or anything, and it's not gonna happen. And I'm gonna laugh as much as like, I was like, nah, I just like kept going out to smoke a cigarette or something.

And they were like, well, that, they just did 20, 30 minutes of gay activity to make a joke that didn't land hard. But they're just sitting there side kissing side kissing and you walk by and just Reload just like this. He's saying goodbye I would have been pissed dude. I want to jump on that bed. So I'm well I want to come out of there fucking sprinting like the warrior dude Jumped on that bed fucking you and then imagine and then imagine those dicks out here

Imagine their confusion hours later when you snuggle up naked next to them under the cup They're gonna make you sitting a lot of mismixed as Shane Gillis when you take your undies off and fling them around me undies me Me I'm not gonna let you criticize this what you bet. I'm gonna come back on the road with you and And sleep naked a little naked You bet I'm gonna come back on the road with you and And sleep naked and a little naked Love a thing no, would you attack him when he was naked? No, it's not a whole it's just a weird thing for no You know what I probably would just accept it. You're right. Yeah, first night probably something But I'd find it odd that you'd want to

No, it's here's the by the second time you're like this is hilarious because you would get excited You'd be like I'm gonna take a nap and then he like get down his underwear and then he'd go into the sheets and Then he just take it for a nap. I say damn I'm naked. Yeah, I'd be playing Xbox naked I brought the Xbox I'm like, shut up. Wait you guys skip you get naked for naps. I don't get naked for naps He gets naked for naps naps For naps. I don't get naked for naps. He gets naked for naps. Naps.

Yes. You dropped that. You peel down to fucking you little, your baby boy ass. Yes. For a naps. Who does have a baby boy butt butt butt ass? I know, I saw that.

What? You saw my ass? That's like a little booty in your video, you should. Oh, we farted? Yeah, yeah, your fart video. You laying on your stomach and you fart, bare butted. Are you always blacked out? Yeah, I've been drinking. Are you drinking right now?

Don't you guys, it's been a rough of mine. Hey, it's Big J. Overson, and I hope you enjoyed this week's Best of the Bond Fire. You can listen to the show live every Monday through Thursday from 6th-8PM Eastern on Comedy Central Radio, Series XM-95, or on demand on the Series XMF. Be sure to follow us on social media at the Bonfire at SexM. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ BEEPING SOUND [♪ This has been a Comedy Central Podcast.

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