The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - It Happened, Didn't It? (feat. Justin Silver)

Episode Date: September 23, 2021

The Beastmaster Justin Silver joins The Bonfire to hang out and the gang learns new vocabulary, kill ghosts and make fun of a magician who doubles as a inspirational speaker.Stream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/Bonfire Follow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM @DanSoder www.DanSoder.com @BigJayOakerson www.BigJayComedy.com@IAmJustinSilver www.IAmJustinSilver.com

I'm Dan Soder and I'm Big J. Ocerson and welcome to the Bonfire podcast. You can hear our full show every day on SiriusXM. Go to SiriusXM.com slash Bonfire for a special offer. And now the Bonfire with Big J. Ocerson and Dan Soder. Yeah, I talked to Shane today, poor Shane. He's down in Austin. I know we're doing Moon Tower. They have him hosting shows.

Oh, he's getting really hosting for people like Shane's always around the corner from somebody who came out of it at some point. And one of my show the worst my second episode of the second show of the worst we're doing Friday night Saturday. I think. Okay. I think it's Thursday night and Saturday night. And Saturday it's him and Dana Gould Who Dana Gould I think said something no shit? Oh really? Yeah, he's one of the people's it's funny when you're with Shane by S Shane I was like you're gonna change that like he's like now It's fine when you when you'll be in a place with Shane like a comedy club or whatever and he'll be like That person after me You come back.

And you come back, they're like, oh man, good guy, good. Have you ever met someone so? He's like, yeah, he did a full online campaign against me. He never gets, he's a big boy and he's like, he just never gets like, hotheaded about the shit. I think he gets heard about it. I think he gets heard about it,

but he never gets like, hotheaded, like I'm gonna go fuck that dude up. Not that he's gonna go, no, no, no, no. That's what's being a fucking adult yeah we're like we're gonna go beat up Judy Gold I mean you know that's a that's a tough fight that's a line on listen I'll say this I'll say this if you're taking if you're taking time if you're betting on time limit take the over

can we bring this that thing's going deep that's going champion championship I think it's going to the cards put Judy Gold and Shane put them on the screen I'm gonna see if that's an actual fair match up let's do a tail of the tape stats I'm gonna tell the tape going on. I mean because honestly, yeah, there's a shame drop I think ladies I think Shane if it's MMA and he can shoot it's over But let's say No, man, she's got limber legs like that. Do we put this on a trill fight card? I think she's digging six three. I think she's like six five. Yeah, dude. No, I think I got a box. I think I got a boxer inside

I don't think I could oh Let's find stats though. Fucking fair. How tall is how tall is Judy gold? Yeah What are you doing eight answers? Well, it's a year or not. Oh, man Yeah, you got it because it's a man. It's like I got a San Drow praises S and S and S and S and it's a year or not. Oh, man. Yeah, he got it because it's a man. It's like, I got a Sandra O praises. It's like, it's like, it's like, Sandra O is someone you just, like, why would I ever be in even her orbit?

And the only thing she knows about you is, like, good, that piece of shit. Yeah. Sandra O is a gold is six two. Six two and Shane six three. So he's got the reach. And they're both, they're both big personalities. Big personalities so they should talk similar on similar arm definition. We have to make this happen Yeah, talk to one of the Jake Paul take the

Balls just a trailer. All right. Let's play spets here if I'm Shane I'm mad because you'd be like dude guys He'll probably like you guys are being gay I'll tell you what is a man who came at me at Chris Collinsworth pretty hard. Yeah. So I'm saying, you stay away. You stay away from Shane because Judy go would put your ass down and make you look silly. Oh, dude, I think if we get it on a trill fight card, it's at least the second fight. Triller.

Triller. Triller, that's what it is. I'm surprised, Judy, what a, I'm so, that's shocking because she's got, she is such a, you know, she's got a big mouth and she's so pretty. She a book out right away called like why can't we say whatever we want right? That's what I'm saying. She's so on like the free speech tip as we all should be an arm. Yeah, that's it makes There's an insomniac look at the book Yes, I can say that the comedians are something like yeah, it's called yes I can say that when they come for the comedians we are all in trouble

Yeah, it's called yes, I can say that when they come for the comedian We are all in trouble. So fucking you just promoting this she's promoting this book. That's almost that article. That's almost Andy Kaufman It's an asterisk that says accept and then yeah Except James podcast joke that he's so crazy. Yeah, that's so funny. That's what I'm saying That was a god-free coming at one point and then me and Christine went to the store and he was like, what's with Chinese people going, oh my God, what all, like, what? Gene walks back across. I walked across the whole road, God-free. I thought you're bad at chain and saying like, you get it, that's good. Wow.

Wow, dude. So I can't believe any comedians ever come at about content ever ever ever as like someone's just gonna find it Yeah, well maybe that joke about your mom calling you too much and being overbearing her to her Did you see that documentary? You know, I mean have it happen how to make sure mom feel what if that drives her to suicide? You feel good about that? I called my mom once to be like, hey, I hate him I called my mom one time to be like hey, you mad that I talk about you fucking a bunch of dudes you know scrolling up She's like what happened didn't it one time, he'd be like, hey, you mad, I talk about you fucking a bunch of dudes, you know what's growing up? She's like, what happened, didn't it?

I don't know what to do. She goes, well, then if you can make it funny, he's sure, but I called a check. Dan's mom believes in apparitions, apparitions specifically. She kept saying, what's it? What's it, there's been a ghost in apparition? Nothing, but she chose the called apparition, which made me really happy calling it an apparition

Yeah, the dish It was so awesome that part you from what is normal usual or expected typically one that is unwelcome Wait, what are you? No, no? Who look that up? Did you look that up? Yeah? Did you just look up aberration? You spell that in the amount of time? You spelled it wrong. I thought you said that was the word yeah I did apparition apparition oh Jay then I didn't think that either I thought it was that I was like you know what you know I don't like it just happened I was about to have a good time shitting on Christine for not knowing words and then Justin jumped in but he jumped in so

fast it was like someone overreacting like, dude, dude, dude, you love it, don't hit her. Remember, don't hit her. And I'm like, what? I wasn't in a hitter. And you're like, dude, dude, just chill out. Chill out, dude. You gotta calm down.

I don't look it up. And I saw ghosts and other aberrations paperbacks. So I was like, oh, I guess I did. Stop calling that word aberrations. It's, it's aberration or aberrations. It's aberrations, that word. Aberrations. I thought it was aberrations. CJ, you're the only one who knows this. apparition or a apparition that word a parade I thought it was a apparition CJ you're the only one who knows this yeah, I don't know that word that's the word that Dan's mama saying

Only you in my mom. I'm a pp Aperish oh, so I was a apparition god. I second guest myself constantly. I can see shit I could so see your mom saying it to soda. It's your mother. Yeah, there's an apparition I could so see your mom saying it to Soda, it's your mother. There's an apparition in that. The apparition. Apparition. A myth of the world right now, all this is news to you.

I'm saying you're right. You're right, I'm wrong. I'm asking you that I uploaded yesterday's podcast and called it apparitions or tomorrow's podcast called A apparition spelled wrong. What'd you call it? What's the word that I thought it was? I don't know.

Fucking look at it and say it. Apparations. The fact that you know this word so well Wait, what's the what's the word that I thought it was I don't know fucking look at it and say it The fact that you know this word so well and your shot like this is I feel like a Russian Abarition app I don't your ghost hunter dude. I'm not a ghost DJ Lou had to quit school in a frayed to collect Moss with his hillbelly family and he knows the word apparition am I right? That's right. Yeah. Well he could only live in old shacks that were haunted.

You did no apparition. Of course I did. I want to William Patterson University. But you said the Christine just off microphone that you don't know. No I said of course I know. Oh. Is that what you said? Well I said emotion no but I wasn't motioning no, I'm stupid no

I'm smart. It's what I mean got you Dude, what's nice is just standing back watching this car crash is that Jacob you knew the word right? Yeah, I knew the word yeah, the guy has 26 dolls in the room with him He has that I would an operation. He's haunted by the night The walls bleed if the eyes roll Dan I got a J. I'm out got an apparition to battle over here. I'm wishing to eliminate guys The thought of it being my dead family members is always the funniest guys my sister's here. Get out of your Gary Father's day guys hey guys. Hey, James. Let you know it's father's day and he usually shows up hit the pack

Hey guys, hey, James let you know it's Father's Day and he usually shows up hit the pack Let's do it. Let's end the phone call all right honey. No, I don't care. Look at happen didn't he talk about we talk about you radio show Hang on I got a son of bitch up here in the attic She goes hey, Dan we came we saw we kicked some ass. She goes hey, Dan a Dan that old beaver trappers back Going that guy in this field in 1826 Guys hold on. Oh, shit. Oh, god damn it, Dan, let me put the phone down. That old Oregon trail lady died and she's back in the kitchen.

There he goes. Hang on, Dan. Frank's not going to get it again. All right, well, how was I supposed to know this was a shine burial plot? Dan, I'm looking for the milk. Oh, shit, the old prospector stole it again. Give me a second. Hold on, got it.

Got it out. Dang, hang on, I'm gonna put you on my shoulder here for a second. Back down, Zool! Yeah. You are not. I am the master. I am the gatekeeper. Oh.

Yeah, Dan, do me a favor. Make sure you call your aunt Helen if it's a birthday. That'll mean the world to her. Oh. Bare Dan, you son of a bitch. Dan, that'll go back where you belong, sayin'. That old chalk-taw medicine man's crawling on the world to her. Bear down instead of a bitch! Dan, that old... Go back where you belong, sayin'! That old chalk-taw medicine man's crawling on the ceiling. Dan, hold on.

What's party here, Black Fee? Yeah. There is no Dana only, Zool. I'm sorry, Dan, give me one second. Yeah, well, my mom's in the girls here. My mom's in the girls in the fridge. My mom's in the girls? No, she's not. the ghost. No she's not. It's just she's into Operations operations

Asperations have a region is she's an average is This my mom's new podcast aspirations for Aborigines aborigines both with abos about Asperations is an abbo of mean words? Yes. Oh it is. If you go short like Danny. So try and stick it to me. Is what?

Like if you call it like an Abo, like that's like bad. It's like tranny. You gotta say all aborigini. Aborigini. Yeah. It's not even, now tranny is a deviation off of trance for sure. True. But Abo is genuinely the short word.

But they're like don't. Don't do it. I've had a couple of Australian friends, don't we don't? Oh no. Well I was gonna go, what about when I go out there and do my apparitions, especially?

Originally this was simply an informal term for our originate and was in fact used by Aboriginal people themselves until it started to be considered offensive in the 1950s. How about if I call them abuzz? Is that better? Like the Swedish band? Yeah.

The Dancing Queen and all the 17 Queen. You know, it's a present about this. The fast food Margarita restaurant we wanted to open up in Australia. Cabo Abos is not going to happen. No, Cabo Abos. Hey, I'm going to need to talk to Justin on a fine call. Justin Cabo Abos. We serve back.

I'm pretty sure you're not familiar with our history. Yeah. Put these savages in some summer arrows and let's get some margaritas out there. I do, but that would be like a German guy coming over here and being like, I want to open a restaurant that is called Zeredman. And we've heard serves the food that's there for eat, yeah?

And you're like, they can. Wild turkeys, huh? And I say that I completely agreed with Jay's point yesterday. I do not understand these people that think it's way cool when the spirit of a dead person is in their house. And they're totally fine with that. Yeah, I don't think it's good., Jacob. I would move as soon as... Not only would I move.

Someone told me that. Not only would I move, I don't know if my brain would be okay, able to process that these things are happening. Have you ever seen it? I'm like, oh, shit, within this, then why not vampires and fucking, I mean, come on. Have you ever experienced, like, been in a house where someone thinks that and then it's sways

you're thinking into thinking that? No, because I'll'll never I won't stay in that house for two more seconds I believe they're not saying you don't believe those things are real But I'm saying you could get spooked by it. Oh my god. Yeah, my I said dude. I still run up I still run upstairs from the basement from the bit from a basement my my it's dark behind me And there's no people downstairs and upstairs. I can make that transition easy if there's people in both places. Oh yeah.

Coming out of a dark basement upstairs at 43 years old, I will trot a little quicker. Listen, it's the fastest you'll see me in my life right now. At 38 years old, the fastest I am. From a basement. I've got spooked in hotel hallways and like walked a little quicker. My ex girlfriend, this is like when I was 27, she lives in Georgia and was on an old Indian reservation and weird shit would happen in the house

And I'm so not the person that would I'm like I'm whatever and then like the power would just shut off lights would start to flicker The cats would just get scared and run into a room and I was like there's no fucking way I'm like I was just getting hotels. Yeah, away Dude it'll get cuz it's like when I it because it's like, when I watch the night stalker, and I watch it alone by myself in my apartment with a fucking pit bull, I'm like, he's coming into my apartment. But Richard Ramirez, if you're alone, it doesn't matter. If you're alone and your brain just starts going like that

and it's night, it starts going. That's at night, that's why I don't watch hard. Yeah, ever. Cause you're like, what's that? Well, it's not true. If Christine's sleeping next to me, I watch hard. All right. But I won't watch hard. Yeah, ever. Cause you're like, what's that? True. If Christine's sleeping next to me, I watch hard. All right. But I won't watch hard myself in like on the road in a hotel room and not

a night. But during the day sometimes it's all I watch. Yeah. Jacob, what were you going to say? Well, I mean, the casual way of Trist said, yet that she used to, this dead girl walked up and down the stairs from 2 to 4 and I am every night. I want to leave the studio. Yeah, that's what my mom said. No issue.

Well, my mom, you know, I think they were, you know, I think they were a young couple with a baby and they just wanted a house. So they took that house. So he just lived in the house with a ghost. Hang on, Dan, I got a class five free form floater over here. Oh. Hey, Gary, you mind watching the kid?

I got a fucking rain a little sunshine on this apparition coming up the stairs. Sorry for the ectoplasm on the stealing fellas. Let me put down my southern comfort man, Hatton. It's time to show who the mama bear is. Get away from my boys room! Yeah, he trick a guy's center. That already fell. But you've never seen a ghost or had an experience with a ghost.

You've just been afraid. Like, that's what I've been. I've just been afraid. I haven't seen anything happen where I'm like, an apparition. Do you think that's their album? You think apparitions? It's like, no, the word ghost is what your mom's proper. Yeah, she's apparition. That's what they're calling that, Dan. Get woke.

We don't use the G word with a hard T. Get woke. Get woke or go broke. The scary thing is when people are, they believe that stuff is real, but they make their like, they're at peace with the other, they're like, oh no, this ghost is just,

it's just a little girl who lives in the house. And she's like, she's right around looking for her mom still. You're like, that's so not bad. like oh no this ghost is just it's just a little girl who lives in the house and she's like she's right around looking for her mom still you're like that's so not okay. She just fell off a ladder and hit her head and now she just you know is always in your house. Yeah but you know what I'm talking about like oh it's a friendly ghost. You got my you read my mind that I was gonna be like go get out of here go haunt your Martha. Yeah dude that's what it is. Just watching, here's the thing about ghost, they gotta watch you take a photo. Your mom did peyote.

I wish it. She had a lot of, I didn't. She's so easy. Well, you have to, to think. I wanted a part. I mean, if we were trying for the same apartment, they said, well, you can have it, but.

It's haunted. Girl was murdered to death in there, and she haunts the apartment. Murdered. It's yours. Murdered to death. I'll haunts the apartment. Murdered. It's yours. Murdered to death. I'll tell you. What is that baby?

Guys, the view is unbelievable. Unfortunately, there is a child that walks through the walls. It's not for ghost reading, I'm telling you, the deal would matter a lot and something like that. Probably wouldn't buy a place where somebody was murdered. Can't buy it. No, not like a pet cemetery place rental I can do if it was like Was the kind of building that I'm in now and it was like that was the most amazing apartment someone got killed in there I'd be like, yeah, I mean odds are someone's getting killed in this place a lot of apartments

Do you know I mean yeah, but if it was like a Brownstone or something and they were like, check out this deal, real cheap rent, but there was a terrible massacre murder here. I can't know. Now, a place that yours now is like, oh, tell. Like it's two moderns, there's not, you and that would not matter. Well, also it's the history can't sleep until those walls.

Also, it's like the, how can it get to, how can that really get matter to me? It's like, you know, it's like a guy, jealous guy came home and killed a girl and two of her friends or something and It's like, you know, it's like a jealous guy came home and killed a girl and two of her friends or something. And it's like, it's horrible. But I'm like, yeah, I do, that's almost better to me than it was like somebody broke in and killed a bunch of people.

I would be more scared if they're like, she should out of a broken heart. And now she weeps. And we get to get to the floor. Like, oh, fuck man. Yeah, it's something she's never gonna get off of. is sleeping. Is it a little knowing she plays a tambourine Give me back my baby My Richard left me

It's a great brownstone in the bathrooms an old well, but in this oh well the problem was a man used to keep his dead Children in there. You might have had my cleaner Trish come in here and look like this place up in me a little bit. You ready with it, Lou? Let me do a walk through it. Let me think of a walk through your quick to a little start here in the

foyer. Yeah. There you go. She looks at you as, hey, Jay, I can cook this place in an hour. I take it. I take it. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

And then she starts using it to like muscle the realtor. She's like, so you're going to put in a new refrigerator? Oh, no, this is the one we keep. Is it really? Yeah. She goes, because I'm going to tell you right now. You're going to paint, right? Yeah, the family of four living in that basement that died.

Pretty brutally. So I can go down there and take care of it. Oh, I had them real quick, if you like. You want me to, I can hit them with that. I can zap them real quick, give them a little taste. You want me to give them a little kiss? Well, a little Trish kiss? This is my son's.

My son still get the deal? Yeah. Because he really doesn't get the deal. I can always put this thing back. I go, mom, mom, you don't need to pack. We're gonna go in here, we're gonna do this on our road. Dan, I'm bringing the pack. Yeah.

And then I go, all right. Better to have the pack and not need it, the need the pack and not have it. And you tell me the husband lost his mind and blurt everyone with an axe, okay. Now do the walls bleed, they don't. That's good. All right, well, can we do something about the price? No. Now do the walls bleed they don't that's good all right well

Can we do something about the price? No Because I'm noticing the brides still at the top of the stairs just staring at us move out of the way Dan light them up mom mom Mom No no no I got this one Oh this one's angry This one's angry Wooo

This is my power This one's angry Powered She goes Dan your dad showed back up hit me again Hey Gary remember that child support you didn't pay I'm gonna take that of your ass He's running dead be dead lawn my ass. I'll try to do the other side. Oh Yeah, dude ghosts are real? Fucking thing you should worry about him. Apparations, aberrations. Welcome to the next six months of your life, Christine.

Looked it up confidently. And then saw the, you didn't even look at the definition and think that it didn't make sense. I went all the way through the definition. So I thought it didn't make sense, but then I saw the book that said ghosts and other aberrations. And I was like, oh, well, it must be. What time?

I never heard that. I felt like I'd never heard that word before. Can I trump you on stupid? What's an aberration, though? I know what aberration is now. Now. So what is a aberration? That's how we learn vocabulary here. it's just driven in your head with

negative reinforcement you fucking how did you fucking what's aberration it's like a break from the normal right yeah well then that even when makes sense in title that book and other breaks from normal apparitions and aberrations right when apparition aberrations well apparitions are aberrations I guess that's what I'm yeah look we you know all this is nice it's not what's going on here so that's not gonna be okay that's not what was happening here that's not what was happening here cat talk to you about a... A.G.T.? Yeah, that a rip, dude. I've been following along through you. Gina Breone didn't win.

Damn. Josh Bluitedn win. Damn. I think Josh went home before Gina? It was all the same night, those were all the finals. Yeah, they all made the top 10. Guy who won? Yeah.

Oh boy. It's fucking a... My... Oh boy, it's fucking uh, if we call it like an inspirational speaker magic guy. Oh, you showed me inspirational guy when the whole thing take that card and look at it. Yeah, there was that's a person that is special to you. And I want you to write down the color. Yeah. And when you think of that color, I want you to think of that person.

No, I went through a lot with my wife and you have to understand something she is my heart And so when I do my magic you like that like a rising grind type of guy like that Like a rising grind magic I'm telling you that's what this guy does She goes and then we adopt this my second son. You got to understand something when you are given a child's life, you have a limited time to make an impact in my wife and I, we knew that. Okay. Hold a throw off. By the way, his last thing is like the last, the last magic trick you didn't see his, his final's magic trick.

Yeah. He was like, everybody right down in the piece of paper, something you would do. I want everyone here to staple their penis to their thigh Into there's blue blue blood blue blood running down so you know you've hit a main vein It's not a getting time to oxygenate before it's the air still blue that's That's really that is really what blood looks like and now it is dribbling out the side of your penis that is staple to your leg Now I want you to un-staple it and look at the number on the the side of your penis that is staple to your leg now I want you to un-staple it and look at the number on the other side of your penis. Is it seven?

Yeah, oh shit. I sucked your dick last night. No, no, it's seven on the wiener I'm a gay inspirational magician. Yeah, he uh They are wrong about his last one. I think it doesn't write everything down and what you do for charity and yeah And then he goes I just throw him up here, throw him up forward as you can. And then one of the judges, you guys pick one of those randomly bringing over, and it says, give my clothes to someone,

give my cool clothes to someone who needs them. Fuck you, first off. Whoever that was. What if I'm up on stage? They bring up on stage. And he goes, and you see, I forget. I forget, he comes up. Hey you see, I forget. I forget. He comes up.

I got this jacket. Got whatever. And whatever the thing is, it's like he shows that he had hidden to like the word, like, give your clothes to somebody real quick. So, and then he goes, Fuck your daughter. But George, the other thing goes, here's the other thing goes, there's a very important word in here.

Give. Give. You can't take that back. If you give, you get back so much more. And so he cuts the word give out of the, what the kid wrote. And then does. of give you can't take that back if you give you get back so much more so you've cuts the word give out of the with the kid wrote and then does so he has got things in his sleeves or whatever that blow like fans that blow all these bunch of little pieces of paper everywhere and then they blow pieces of paper out of fans all over

the audience and they all just a little piece of paper says give it's like hold those up there go do magic motherfucker what is the the Asian kid would go on there and be like We're gonna deck a cards and like throw them in the vanishing the thing. It was amazing magic This guy's going like he goes brave. Yeah, all in your emotions Remember how warm and secure you felt when you were kid a lot of people didn't have that a lot of people to realize that in the world The wizards douchebag carries the biggest power people to realize that in the world of wizards, douchebag carries the biggest power. So you have to understand something. I'm talking about all the sorcerers you've ever seen before you.

I'm talking about all the magic memorandate, nothing. Merlin gave up on life because he didn't have love and he didn't have himself. Warlocks. Warlocks. Anyone into the dark arts, they understand the douchebag is the happiest power My hat has never gotten low enough to touch my ears. That is disgusting to me. I'm not gonna walk around in pajamas I gotta see a picture this guy play a clip. I don't know if you could cuz like Do we do it ever we want we can do it's

It's the summer. The wild west out here holy shit. We watched Josh work that whole fucking set out. That wasn't as fine. He that set got him through. Yeah, he lost on his finals. I mean, endeavor. In Denver. Yeah, yeah, it wasn't ever.

By city, I had the great joke. He said he goes, I thought I was really great with animals. And then I realized I just make a lot of crumbs Because I'm doing a lot of crumbs I couldn't think of To him such a potted we got a quits mug of weed for a month. It's wrong I couldn't think of the the sorcerer from Lord of the Rings Voldemort? No. Voldemort's Gandalf.

You know what I'm saying? Couldn't think of Gandalf the Grey. Voldemort is a very bad Harry Potter. I just mad at myself. We gotta not go in on it. I get the same way. Oh my god, everything. He does heart warming magic.

Who the fuck wants to see that? Heart-waring magic? I'm so excited. Hey, what's up? It's me, the devil. I like my evil gifts to be heartwarming You could just take a look at him and realize that I know the voice. I got it. Oh, this is this very first one Honestly show his finals performance. Okay, so this guy won a whole inspirational year in Vegas Yeah, that's gonna be fun We've lost $10,000 at the craps table and you got to watch a guy be inspirational

You're a smarter thing now no one's up. I know some of you here with this hook a prostitute tonight Let me tell you man. You can make magic love with her and she don't got to run the streets She doesn't have to be just a girl. I'm a nail in it. Yeah, you're no good They Americans are talented get their shit together with one idea that now they make it like a big variety show Preacher Lawson's hosting it. And they're just like, they're making it a variety show of like all these acts are gonna do a little thing. Okay.

That's a good show. Like it's see sitting and watching it and up getting bored, you know, the singers will be boring ultimately, but like the acts and shit, the danger acts, and all that other shit. That'll be a lot of fun. That's smarter. That's smarter.

Is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, he's gonna have to fuck babies into his wife, a triplets at a time if he wants to keep making new tricks. Oh, so he looks like a dancer. Yeah, Jesus. Yeah, honey. I think you're wrong, Joe.

I think it shows that they're, they just award winners who suck and they can't do a whole show on their own. So they have to put them all together. Well, I agree. The thing is, who wins. The show is bad. It's not that the show is bad. It's just something that you don't want to watch

for a fucking two hours, no matter what. Yeah, you got to go watch this in Vegas. Vegas is usually like a show where it's like, hit, hit, hit, hit, hit. What's what I'm saying? The thing about this, if somebody does like an amazing, this kid on the show does an amazing like High flying like twerly scarf routine, he's 16 years old. He's maybe the best in the world at it. He's amazing. However, at 40 minutes of that, you'd be like, okay.

Like, is he, is he gonna fall? Like, it's enough. So if I watch him do a song performance of that and then they bring out dog act and someone shoots an arrow at his girlfriend's head and this guy comes out and he can't and sobs on about nonsense do you think in the magician world much like comedy do you think there's a lot of people that are like he can't follow me of course no i think yes he can't follow me like Of course. No, I think, yes, he can't follow me. Like if magic, that's what I'm saying.

Of course, with magic. He's got magic as a goal of act. Everything is, you randomly had these things, I had it hidden in a thing already. It's like, okay, so it's not random, it's all. Yeah, it's planned. There's no real sorcery, so. You ever see like Darren Patty's that?

Is that a sorcerer over there? Someone's got a sorcerer? Is that a spooky specter everyone light him up A lot of the Trish goes to Vegas. She's like There's a Vegas there. Let's hit the crap tables and oh hang on a second right there light him up Magician I gotta go get the proton pack for my room Hey, Dan, well, I know you're at the buffet. I'm gonna go get my pee pack upstairs, and then I gotta head on over

because it turns out there's some dark arts happening over it. Mom, mom, I'm gonna go, now the Belagio says there's like a see through Phantom Lion running through the fountain. Apparently a woman on the eighth floor was beaten to death in the bathroom and she's bothering all the customers. So they threw in

some... Back to hell you spawn of Satan! They threw in some crudits and why don't you go to the sportsbook with those credit? I got it! I got it! I think she was human traffic because that one fought. Anyways, do you remember how much you loved my mac and cheese up dance six o'clock Party girl I'm a mom Dan I'm a mom. Dan Hunn I'm gonna have to run up to the room put these two full traps up there. I'll meet you down at the buffet I'm gonna call me I'm gonna call Egon and then we can I don't know if you have some chicken fingers

Dan you've been down a time I choose my back hurts wait over your shoulder right there Just and please apologize to Katie that I had to mix it up with so many operations Tell him sorry. I would love to be there for dinner butch. I wanted to watch the Red Sox game with her. But this is one haunted ass town. Yeah. But apparently the death come to play. Ha ha ha ha.

Yeah! There he is! Frank Sinatra, you old son of a bitch! Try to hit the curtains and put my card down this room. Where's your pal, Sammy Davis Jr. Ask any A-Shower Assie! I go my mom had to take out the rat pack over at the sands. He apparently...

Hey Sammy Davis, bring that glass eye over here, light him up! Oh, blue eyes, eh? Now look, the fifth one's back All right, let's watch this douche bag for a second. I didn't recognize Joey Bishop I thought he was just alive I could think of the name I can't Joe don't think there's over no room Joey Bishop I know I know I know you guys good so so so good to be back

So um as always thinking about what I wanted to do for tonight I actually realized that tomorrow is my parents 37th anniversary Fuck you. I told them a little love of course your parents love each other. You piece shit Yeah, second second applause. Oh my god, dude this's fucking, this guy will do anything for a break. I feel a little bit of my parents' anniversary because when I was young, my parents were actually actually. Hey, gay.

Mm. Our family was a mess. And the first time that I experienced magic, it wasn't a card trick, and it wasn't a coin trick. It was a person. Someone stepped into my parents' lives, helped him get sober, and back on their feet. They helped put my family back together,

simply because I cared. Thanks, Scott. I think it's good. I feel like I can learn how to do that in a week. Judges, I had everybody in the audience right down a way that they could impact just one life. It's this, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's a lot of ASMR slapping where he goes. Wait, is it you? Is that, you playing music? No, that's him. They kicked that on? Yeah, that's what he got. I thought that was you. Yeah, yeah! Oh, Trish! Not you again!

Oh, you're a whole... Take him down! You're a stuffy bitch, Archer. Hang on, traps open! Alright! Alright, Winderin! Winderin, Winderin, okay. That Katie is how you make my famous turkey petrification. That's what you guys know

Then I definitely I definitely just did a bunch of cocaine in the back And I got peanut butter mouth You have a feet of rot while the peanut butter This is that's kind of what this is like. This is as true as the slices in my eyebrows What's crazy is, that's actually, ball pattern Barton, I was gonna call it, what's the thing that Charlie Villain away has? When they're all bald.

Oh, I'll be sure. I'll be sure. This is caparition. This is caparition. I'll be sure. I'm like powder. I'll be sure. I draw my eyebrows and get them to care.

Remember how powder could make electricity dance? I can make corny dance Here does her go I ain't got no dick hair judges, but if you watch right now right in front of your eyes I'm gonna make this shit grow beautiful for you all just like you so Can I watch more of this please oh yeah? Oh? Can I watch more of this please? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. The news of America's Got Talent as much as I'd love to just stand here and try and impress

you guys with more magic. What I really hope to do is to remind you, all of you, that you are the magic. You guys, you guys, you guys, you guys, you guys, the papers, crumble them into a ball and hold them above your head On account of three I'm gonna have you guys throw all of those paper balls to the judges table So judge it watch out here. We go one. It's paper. Three go ahead and thumb Fuck you Why are you throwing this at me you fucking peasants? I pick what entertained? I think some judge blue said a comic would fair better with a little more time

Yeah, the comics get three minutes are at their highest point they get three minutes I don't know they get a minute minute and a half in three minutes. How much does this guy get six minutes? I mean Lee no, I mean yes, I don't I bet this isn't even the judging yeah afterward. It's just the trick Well, we're looking at the times right there. That's what I'm saying. You get seven minutes. Six, six, four, six, six, six, four, six, six. No, I know what I'm saying,

but they might not even show the judging on the, you know what I mean? Yeah, it's like at least double the time. That's crazy. Josh Blutters get more time because of the handicap? You think he should. It's take some longer to get a state. Legitimately. This guy, ah, boy, let's just play it. I mean, I'm gonna make some little more money in the state. Would you? Would you? Would you?

Would you? Would you? Would you? Would you? Would you? Would you? Would you? Would you?

Would you? Would you? Would you? Would you? Would you? Would you? Would you? Would you?

Would you? Would you? Would you? Would you? Would you? Would you? Would you? Would you? Don't make me bad! You've been listening to... SiriusXM's Bonfire! New episodes every Tuesday through Friday mornings and full shows Always on SiriusXM! you