The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Joey Roses in Studio (feat. Joe DeRosa)

Episode Date: October 7, 2021

Joe DeRosa co-hosts The Bonfire and he and Jay get an indecent proposal from Sal Vulcano and Ari Shaffir!Stream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/BonfireFollow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM @DanSoder www.DanSoder.com@BigJayOakerson www.BigJayComedy.com@JoeDeRosaComedy www.JoeDeRosaInfo.com

I'm Dan Soder and I'm Big J. Okreson and welcome to the Bonfire podcast. You can hear our full show every day on SiriusXM. Go to SiriusXM.com slash Bonfire for a special offer. And now the Bonfire with Big J. Okreson and Dan Soder. This was used in such an unsexy way for so long. Yeah, I agree. It was like let's talk about sex like, hey no anal, that's dangerous. This was used in such an unsexy way for so long. Yeah. I agree. It was like, let's talk about sex like, hey, no anal.

That's dangerous. Yeah, it was like a safe sex tune. And I feel like it was also, wasn't it also like, parodyed, like, you know, you'd see like a polio commercial would be like, let's talk about cheese, babe. Oh, yes, for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Let's talk about Volkswagen. Let's talk about Not sexy. No, it wasn't sick. Yeah, all safe sex Arm being hip hop really is a genre that went the way of a purple jeans. I mean, it's just fucking gone It's just yeah, it doesn't have any legs No on it now. It's just, yeah. It doesn't have any legs. No. On it. No.

It's out in that time. Also, it didn't age well. We're the gang true songs. East Coast West Coast true songs of hip hop. They were so funny. South is drunk. Yeah. Well, those are gang.

I like so. No, I disagree. I like South Sturgeon disagree I like self-destruction I love we're all in the same gang quite a bit, but you don't love it. I do it's one of my favorite rap songs ever But no, the same way rap song. I disagree. I think we're all the same gang is an awesome rap song Really I'll come across this fucking console at you right now. Why I don't want that. I know I don't want to do it. Don't make me do it listen when they came on I'm wondering though if it's the song or the nostalgia of this because here's what was awesome about these songs

It got together all of the rappers from like a certain like either one of the coast or ever so was cool that they all Before the compilation song became a thing. It was the first of those. Yes They were all just too messagedy. I agree That's why I liked were're on the same gang, because it was still a little like gangstree, even though it was like, you know, it's still at a little hard edge. Dr. Drake, I think, was the producer, I believe.

Was he a self-destructed? No, no, of this. This is the wrong thing. This is the wrong thing. This sounds, you know. Yeah. You know, yeah Is it always is beat It changes

But this like you could still I feel like it's not too messaging So it's a swagger to it The beat's great. It's a great for them, but now if you break the lyrics down there They're lame. Hold on. J. It's also like, how could you get lyrics like, uh, that's why I said I had a problem with like, like Queen Latifah when this song's like, who you calling a bitch?

It's like, aw, stop yelling at me. Well, I got you. It's like, the mother is the earth and the god. It's like when punk and everybody gets to get everyone is all love and peace and harmony. It's like when punk rock gets too political or like, when you go see Pearl Jam, which is a great live show, but in between every song, Eddie Vedder's like,

I mean, you know, for some reason, people think we need to be in wars. And you're like, yeah, yeah, people think we need to be in wars. And you're like, you got up to betting people. It's the greatest people I've ever met in my life. And Tibet needs your help now more than ever people. I know you just paid $700 a ticket to be here, but Tibet can really use a couple more dollars. If you want to mind, we're starting a Pearl Jam provides yaks for Tibet.

That's like their cars over there, I think All right guys daughter on three We're against Violence of all kinds which is why if you'll notice all the hot dogs tonight are made out of bread. Yeah, I would enjoy if you can hot dogs to the other worlds in a terrible place. And I'm gonna say, oh, I got a hear-a-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-me-ho-me-ho-me-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-me-ho-me-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me-ho-me- Jeremy Asshole. I just gotta say at least they don't play 16 songs corn you lazy mother fuckers I've been telling Jay for 15 years corn stinks He did catch COVID so maybe that's his excuse, but you know stand up and sing you pussy He stood up bunch. Just try to get me to go with you guys

You won't go to court. I go, no. He goes, come on, dog. Slip nuts this weekend. It'll be fun, man. I was like, no, I'm good, man. I respect them, it's just not my back. Come to Slip nut on Sunday?

No. Again, I respect, I respect corner, respect, it's just not, I'm just not, I'm just not, I'm just not. Sure, it's not my thing. Yeah, it's something you think like that. Limp iskin' on the other hand. I don't respect. And it's just not I'm just not sure. It's not a good thing. Yeah. That's something you think like that. Limp is get on the other hand. I don't respect and it's not like that.

Man, I did go. I did go. No, I would not. I would not. You could not drag me kicking and fucking screaming to a limpia. To a limpia? You, it's, you don't mean that. I would go, I would go if,

hello, if he, if met the man was there and then all they played was that met the man song. And together now. played was that met the man song and together now Yeah, that I would then I would go maybe you know everything sucks Come on Oh He said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Evans, I'll throw this goddamn flanking red. You didn't like it? The Travolta movie? That Fred Durst directed? I was, well, a long time ago now, but yeah, I watched it. I remember liking it.

What was your favorite part? When the star of the movie that Fred Durst wrote and directed said his favorite band was Limpus Kitt and me, his kid was going to do it. Jumms going, you know, you know? Christine, when I'm not in the house, Christine's viewing of choice is the same season of Sex in the City over and over and over.

Yeah, I approve. And I approve. And I approve. And I approve. I'm on my 11th sign fell this week. Yeah, I watch the season, then I watch both movies, and I go back to the pilot. The movies I can't go with you on. This new thing looks terrible.

Let her talk herself right into the ground. See? Now you lost Joe Joe of course I'm excited about the movie season it looks terrible does it well they're I've been seen using yet but it's like there's no Samantha and I can't I can't get out of the gate He died on set. They say he was bored to death. No, no, no, no, no. That's a scene in Sex and the City of Girl says, I'm so bored I could die, and then she falls off about any window.

Oh, well maybe she's a Claire Voian. It's what's her name from Third Rock from the Sun. Oh, who's her face? Tina Fey. No, not Third Rock from the Sun, not 30 Rock. It's a girl from 30 Rock. Yeah, who's in the face? Tina Fey? No, not third rock from the sun, not 30 rock. Is it girl from 30 rock? Yeah, I think girl from third rock. John Cleese. That chicks her autobiography apparently is fucking wild. Who's the chick from third rock from the sun? Yeah. Really? Yeah, apparently she was heavy into drugs like wild. She has a coke face. I think she was,

the girl with a strong brow, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's got coke face. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Apparently she's got a real story. I'm gonna say Johnson. Yeah, yeah, that's her. I bought coke from her.

It's not, it's not, it's not SATC without Sammy B. Involves. It's good, it's gonna be weird, but I'm interested. I heard- You think it's gonna be weird when they bring in a diversity click

to replace the famous character? I don't know if they're gonna, I keep thinking they're gonna kill her off, but I heard they're just gonna say that they had a falling out, which I'm like, the character had cancer. Like, why not, Kale? I bet you they kill her because that's how

short-sighted everybody is. Who has cancer? She, Samantha has cancer. Samantha has cancer. She's right at the end of the show. Oh. Yeah. She got through it.

Oh, thank God. But maybe it comes back and through. I bet you they kill her. No. I bet you they kill her, which is so short-sighted. It's what they did with Roseanne. It was like, the second there was a Roseanne problem, they're like, the characters is like, don't kill it.

Wait till see if you can smooth this over eventually. We all want to we want the redhead to grow to die, right Miranda We want to die. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's it. No, she had cancer in real life though. I actually feel bad making that joke now Okay, so we want to fake dead real life real life. Damn, man. We're getting woke. Yeah, that's a crazy cover No, apparently it's a wild book this Kristen Johnson affair Two-time-a-go-word winner. Yeah, that's a crazy cover No, apparently it's a wild book this Kristen Johnson affair Two-time maybe a word winner Yeah, it nuts apparently my Matt McCarthy my buddy Matt McCarthy read it. He said it was fucking crazy Yeah, a lot of cocaine it says Right there at the bottom cocaine designed doors. Yeah, it's's, uh, yeah, good for her. A wild time.

We have something to get into here. I think I'm gonna make this. I wanna make a meal of this. I'm gonna, buddy, never gonna make a meal of it. We're gonna make it a Wendy's What's Fresh segment. How about that? All right. How about that?

It's now time for What's Fresh, presented by Wendy's. Get a sausage of bacon egg and Swiss croissant for just $19 presented by Wendy's, get a sausage or bacon egg and Swiss croissant for just $199 at Wendy's during breakfast hours only. Normal people's breakfast use psychos. It's a limited time only, price and participation may vary. I still say please call it if you go to a place and they say we do not participate. We're not one of the participating Wendy's. This is a branch off. Our What's Fresh segment is me and Joe today, the part of a group chat. Are we allowed to say the names of anybody on this chat

or should we just keep it completely anonymous? We can say sale, it's not the bash brothers or anything. Sales part of this one. And Ari's also on it. And Ari's also on it, okay. That's fair. Which was our group pretty much during all of quarantine that we just kind of kept

together, did things together, traveled together. We all had a lot of fun. The new suggestion that was brought to this group today was for us to, it's been brought to us twice now. I think I just ignored it completely the first time and thought I would go away. And then it came up again today. When we are asked if we would like to take part, this is coming from the Sal household.

Will we like to take part in the Halloween parade here in New York City? Which I have only heard about through bomb threats that were made there and clear the streets and then being down performing at the comedy cell of those days when it was nonstop fist fights and drunk beyond a conversation. Yeah, at all. Where it's like you can't you have to pick people up off the street. It's I heard it's been I've been down in the West Village. It's

some weird mix of gay and violent. It's all over the place. I've been down in the West Village. It's a weird mix of gay and violent It's all over the place. I've been down in the West Village on the night that this affair is happening It is an absolute nightmare every show of horrible people amateur. It's like Bourbon Street times a thousand. Yeah I can watch fat girls in a costume cry on my blog. Yeah,. So we've got a bunch of our comedian friends on this particular thread. Two of the notable ones, I should say we've mentioned. No offense to the other guys. But the two biggest proponents on this thread of us going to the Halloween parade and

Participating in it our Sal which I could expect Okay, if I had to get a person here who'd be into it, Sal'd be the one that's like I'm down to do it Yeah, I also wouldn't be that festive. He's festive and he's a little Queenie. Bit of a thief. I don't mean Diva in the demanding type either. I mean, he wants to wear a gown and get out there. I mean like Elton John Diva. Yeah. That you're they called out John to Diva. Maybe that's on VH1. Sal desperately wants to wear a Yankees uniform over a duck costume. he's uniform over a duck costume. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha But surprisingly, I'm maybe not surprisingly, I was talking to Evans about this off air, she was like of course he wants to do it. Ari is going strong for this now. He's been domesticated a bit.

Or something like this. Ari, I'm surprised, wants to go, Ari wants to go in this very like Apple orchard picking group affair that style. That's what I'm surprised at like, I see Ari wanting to do this and he's like, oh, and by the way, I'm going to drop like Molotov cocktails like under some undercar or something. He's got something evil and crazy. He's like, no, no, it'll be nice to have some cider and go for a while. It's mind-ending.

It's mind-numbing that he can't laugh about these things anymore. I don't, I don't get it. I don't understand. I don't like it. I think, and we're being called, they sent a picture of two old men they go, oh, it's Jay and Joe. Look at these two old men. It's an ass nine event. It goes, oh, two old men. It goes, maybe not old men, but definitely not 15 with this makes sense for. But like, 21. Yeah, that's my thing. This is like a, this is like a fratty sort of college drunk puke on the street kind of event. Why not? Like, I love Halloween. I want to celebrate Halloween. Let, let, why not not go to a parade, let's go to a fun Halloweeny bar,

and all drink together, perhaps Joey Roses. Maybe Joey Roses even. Perhaps. That'd be fantastic. But, I mean, wouldn't you rather spend the time with your friends like that? Yes! I have no idea.

The people watching would be phenomenal. Is it worth a mile, something fucking walk in a costume I don't want to wear? No. Now I did say we're talking float. Now I'm listening again. Who's talking float? I'm saying no one.

I'm saying we start talking, are we on a float in a parade? No, no, you just got to walk hell now. Not a million years. You know how hard it is to keep a group of people together when you're walking through the city period. You're going to try to keep a group of people together in a parade with this many households I mean forget it dude forget it. It's it's chaos. It's chaos. Oh Specifically to wearing T. Rex costumes. That's the whole thing was gonna be I Respond for me ticket note Christine for

Miss Evans take this down. She's gonna be ashamed yourself, stop. How dare you, dare all caps. How dare you try to tie up a day of mine with this bullshit. It's on Halloween, right? Halloween night. I'm proud to say I will not be in town. Where we be?

Cleveland. No, I think you're coming back. No, it's Sundays of Halloween. I got news for you buddy boy. You're gonna have to fucking deal with this just like I am. Damn it. My chance out of this is we're projected to open Halloween weekend. Oh yeah, yeah.

So if we get stalled a week or two, then I'm no excuse. I promise you, but if you're gonna be in there hanging pictures with you though, the good old days of comedy. But if we open on time, I ain't, I ain't coming. Remember I was supposed to do a pencil sketch of Lenny Bruce on your wall.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, I know, I know. You were supposed to guess bartend shirtless then, yeah, yeah. I was gonna Pollock that shit. I want you to open late so bad because I so want you to be at skankfest south Pause nice Paul keeps thank you. It is nice and Paul keeps telling me that even if we open on time I can go to skankfest which I don't understand how it's humanly possible I keep saying no I have to be here. Well, you're not bartending or making the actual sandwiches

I am gonna do some actually no joke For the because I want to I'm gonna do some daytime bartending shifts, because I wanna meet the people. I wanna do this, I wanna be involved, I wanna be hands on. Okay, you know? You can still slide out even if it's like, for one day, for two days. I think I can probably come down to Skankfest for like a day.

Do you get an old tiny bartender, like a soda jerks outfit, where you have the garter on your arm and shit? No, dude, I'm gonna go for long life. We're an apron. Studded leather. Oh, you're gonna be a real Lowery Sidebar tender. Yeah.

But also too, you gotta understand. You gotta know G.G. Allen was the best musician ever. If I come down to Skankfest, even if it's for a day or two, I do need that three day post-skankfest, get over the massive depression of everything I did to myself at that time. I want you to come for the jam and I want you to do time of your life. I, if I, listen, it's looking good. It's looking good.

Skanks and crack campers. Sorry, I forgot for a second what the Bonfire fans are going. Long story short. Christine, what's your, you're on this thread? Yeah, Evans, jump back in with this stupid ass fucking request from some of our friends. It this came in, like, 10 years ago, I'd be like, yeah, that sounds fun. But I just like, I don't drink. So these like, date these drinking events of like marching around getting bombed. Yeah. It's like that's the point of this is to get hammered and do something, do an activity. Well, I will argue as the taste buds, fans know the taste buds, all right?

They sal made a staunch argument against getting drunk and how he no longer likes to get drunk and how he doesn't even consume seven alcoholic beverages per week. Really? Yes. Yes. And he says it has been that way for quite some time. I gotta see the thing. Maybe if I took a part like, this is strange to me that South would want to dude it was it was it was the only episode of taste was we were done

We're fans were literally being like I got shit cuz I railed against it was weed versus alcohol I railed so hard against weed But I was also being like ironic. I was being I was being an asshole. I was being like oh you my fucking weed You know people took it really seriously the fucking weed. People took it really seriously. But we got, it got heated to a point where there was the first time I wrote a friend's, are you guys okay? Is this because it's a lifestyle choice you're arguing.

And when, so Sal was getting defensive because I was going after weed and when he started going after alcohol and saying to me things like, I don't like to drink like that anymore. And I was like, I was literally jumping up at one point screaming at him. Like, I was making me so fucking mad. But we are still friends, but obviously, but why would you want to go to an event like this?

If you weren't getting absolutely shit-faced. Yeah, that seems like the point. I wouldn't even weigh in that I'd be going, taking part in this at all if I wasn't some sort of nebriated. No, it's like bingo. I know, my God. It's like so to go, you want to play bingo?

Are we going to be drunk? Then no, why would I do that? Yeah, you know? Then being in a hot costume, walking, that seems a little... Yeah, I don't. But like that going to your bar sandwich shop and hanging out for a while, like that sounds fun.

This just sounds like something that's like designed around getting plastered. Oh, listen, if we, if we, but plastered in shoulder to shoulder mayhem in a pandemic, right? Dressed like a fucking tyrantosaurus. I'm not dressing like a goddamn fucking tyranosaurus. I'll tell you that right now.

I'm taking no parts. Can you please say what Sal said in the last text? Because that was that was something else. I was very surprised by that. Well, get him on the phone. But it got a pissed off. He said he's on a call, but let me see if he can get on the phone. Sal wrote, it's actually great.

I organized it for like seven years straight. Tom the fuck. Seven years straight, but it's not your thing. It's not your thing. We just got bombed and marched in the parade and throw treats at the crowd. He wrote, throw treats at the crowd. Cheats.

I'm telling you though, Sal and Ari love this type of shit. Like it doesn't surprise me at all that they're both on board with it You know what I'm gonna say it here publicly for the first time. I'm just about had it with Ari Just about fucking had it. I haven't seen this kid in a month and a half He's one of my dearest friends. I texted me other day go where are you dude? When are we hanging out? He goes sorry dude hop to Boston With Renazise to go to a ball game. It's like

If it's a goofy as excursion you'd never want to do are he's doing it? And then something simple like hey dude, why don't you stay an extra night at the sure house? No, I can't do I gotta get home. I have to record six podcasts tomorrow I just skirted up with Renazese to watch the fucking A's. Oh, the Yankees. The bravos, whatever the fucking feature called. I don't know. The Yankees, right?

So whatever the fuck. Oh, no, I some sort of baseball story. What am I? A baseball doctor thing. So Sass says he's gone gone and thrown treats at the crowd, which this year he's only going to be allowed to throw treats because he's not going to get hammers. He doesn't like to do that. Mass style, he gets to feel normal.

But he just said he gets bombed. Yeah, nobody can't get bombed this year, according to two paid taste buds. Okay, he can't get bombed. Yeah, nobody can't get bombed this year according to Two-paint taste buds ago. Okay. He can't get bombed. He just has to enjoy throwing treats at the crowd Oh, no, I want them on the horn. Oh So you want to come into the city dress up like an asshole Simply for the reward of throwing treats at the crowd here the guys show, can I read my text, I said? I thought it was very sorry. I think so, really likes being able to not be so in public.

And mass and costumes. Yeah, that would be a tie-around of sorts. But you can do it. You can do that without marching in a parade. I don't understand. I know, but I see where he's coming from because you guys have seen so in public. It's a nightmare.

The whole, yeah, it is. And I have to be fully covered up. I understand. Wearing masks was like a godsend to hit. But part of the text is, be a person for five seconds. Part of the text on this is you can leave it any point and all the bars along the way are jamming. What is it matter if the bars along the way are jamming

unless you're planning on going into those bars? You keep us lying on taste buds. And if you are gonna go into those bars, then you don't need to be in a parade to go into the jamming bars. You just go to the bars and bar hop around to jamming bars. You know, I'm sort of locking up bars. I'm talking about a bar, you have a tail.

It's just... I asked if he could call it and he hasn't texted back yet. It's wild. He says he's on a call yet he's got time to send us text after text about the prayers of the Halloween parade. Let me say, yeah, I did the mummers parade once. Here's my takeaway. And the mummers parade is the Philadelphia New Year's Day Parade. Much later in the year granted, which I'll give them that.

Much later in the year, so it's called, yeah, sure, but it's also when I did it, I did the numbers prayed once, here's my takeaway. Super hot and freezing cold, long tiresome and boring with zero reward convinced me otherwise. Because when it's over, you just get to a certain street and they're like, that's it.

And you're like, what do I mean? Now I'm just dressing a fucking baseball guy with a big giant head on. And you're like, what are we, now I'm just dressing a fucking baseball guy with a big giant head on. And I'm like, what did we do? We didn't do anything. I just picture you. You're just standing in North Philly. Yeah.

Just desolate. North Philly are like, I don't know, how do I get back? It's not even a ghost from like way up there. It comes all the way down to Independence Hall, right? Not Independence Hall. So it doesn't spill into the indoor thing There's no like there's no like landing event of like then we land at the end in this place Everybody tailgates or whatever everyone the landing is the as city hall it comes in the city hall downtown I believe you look that up the numbers pray what it does, but it's

fucking stupid. Now I get it for banjo players, it's their one time a year. For banjo players, it's the only time they get to get out and really fucking cut loose. But if you're not a banjo player and you're a man dressed in feathers and mirrors, then you're a fucking dildo. And most of these guys work at body shops and shit. They're like dudes, dudes, and they get so amped up for this fucking

I appreciate I appreciate the numbers. I Appreciate the numbers because you know, we're from Philly, right? So it's like It's not my thing the string bands are not my thing. There's judging. Oh, there's also I do the comics thing Which is what it's called and this is before I was having a commas kids still or teenage or gays and the comic and it's just like floats and this it's just who so likes this my whole thing my whole thing with the mumbles is you know I always have a soft spot for it because of being from Philly sure and my dad watches it every year religiouslyly. But yeah, but God, man, I immediately associate with it sadness because it was always the last thing you saw off to Christmas break before you had to go back to school the next day.

And it was just like Christmas is done, holidays are done, this is the last of it, you have to wake up tomorrow morning at 6 a.m. and go back to the school you don't want to go back to. It always made me so sad Wait a minute. You're stay parade. Yes, and it goes all about was it go to about 8 9 p.m Because it goes the the rose parade means nothing to you. It's all about mumbles I barely even know what the rose parade is like I've heard of it, but I couldn't describe it to you I thought that was like a national thing. and it realized it was just L.A. No, it is. It's just... Who the fuckin' wants to see a parade?

Let's go watch people walk! I swear the Hollywood fame parade every year. The Hall of Fame parade. I used to... They have in Canton, Ohio by my dad's, and it was like the parade was such a... Then it's like... After that parade, at least, and there's like festivities like a ribs burn off and a fucking a little festival thing. But this is a city. This is a city where you- what's- this is a city where you on a regular basis are piled into the street shoulder to shoulder with a ton of people many of which you are afraid

to go near for various reasons. I feel like why would you, if you live in this city, why would you ever want to dive into the heart of that storm? You know what I mean? Like it's like every day in the city is a fucking parade. You know what I mean? Every day is like, it's crowded and it's what you know, like man man, being a little drunk is super fun. Being around drunks is horrible. Yeah, it sucks. So, that's what a parade like that means to me completely. Well, and it's, you're having a good time.

Someone's probably hating what you're doing. It's one thing to be around some drunks. It's another thing to be around all drunks. Yeah, that's what that is thing to be around some drugs. It's another thing to be around all drugs. Yeah, I know. That's what that is going to be. This is like if you went to... No one in there wants to be there for the goodness of anonymously throwing quote-unquote treats to the audience.

God damn it, Sal. Call in, you cock sucker. I don't think it's going to work with schedule. Call in, you fucker. Call R-E. See, Vari can call in. That's trash. Dumb Ari was once to go to the stupid fucking parade.

Oh, God. Just do it to do it to you. You know what, Jay? I'm gonna say it right now. We pick some shit friends. What a couple of real shit. You just have friends that are just like you guys guys are like the Baham bugs of the group. I'm not a Baham bug.

I get super into Christmas, I love it. I would go apple picking or to an apple cider thing. I would go to a haunted house, marching in a parade with a bunch of dumb drunks when everybody's like puking in the street. I'm telling it's like bourbon street. It's not even, it doesn't even feel festive to me. You're going to step in puke for sure. You know? And by the street, it's like bourbon street. It's not even, that doesn't even feel festive to me. You're going to step in puke for sure.

You know? And by the way, it's not festive because the things I'd be going for, if somebody was even like, check it out, the way you'd get me there is to go, like, dude, if you stay right over here, because it's like a weird bottleneck, we could sit here, you watch like five or six fights

an hour, like happening here, then I go, well, I do wanna peek at that. Like, I wanna see the chaos of it happen, but just the chaos being the thing itself, just like the chaos is a parade's coming, like sucks to be a part of it. You know, many times I've been out with Ari, you know, how many times I would Ari,

and I have to stop a obligatory to watch some fucking band that don't give a shit about playing street music because he finds it interesting. Ari, you've been a comic for 30 years. Stop people watching. It's over. You see the pink louts with them ever? I like the pink louts.

I don't want to go stand and watch it. That's what I mean, dude, they're really, they have a, you can watch them playing live on the street. And by the way, they were entertaining for sure. Yeah, I like the music. It's like a trans girl. I think the music. It's like a trans. I think yes, it's a trans woman. It's a it's a it's a man who Presences a woman. So it's a trans woman. Okay. Yes.

Trans woman. Yes. Well, they suck. I just want to get that V.A. Well, they them below. That's what I said. No one left that joke either. That was my favorite joke of the years before when they go, you know, Demi Lovato identifies as non-binary now and I go,

oh, we'll tell them they're still fat. I've been out bar hopping with Ari. We'll be like, let's go sit on this bench and get a coffee. Why? Why? I don't want to. I know here's a thing. Me and you were the commugins on that for sure. He does. He's an animal. It's not that. It's not a matter of that at all. Ari wants to like drink in life. So what I love about being friends with Ari is he makes me do things I wouldn't do. We had a good time, or great time,

in Miami this last weekend together because he did it where it wasn't like even just doing a gig together, which I've done a thousand times with friends. It was like, no, no, let's not state the hotel. Let's get a pool, Airbnb with a pool. Yes. We could do, we'll grill, we'll do these.

The first night we got there, let's go out to a nice restaurant, like a sit down restaurant. Yes. We found, we went, and these are all things like, I'm getting to the city, trying not to talk and just being a dark room as long as possible, so I go to my show, do the show, get all the hype and wired from that, come home and then try to decompress back down. I try to do nothing else. So you like to live life, so he's just the same thing. He goes, hey, why don't we go thumb through records

at a record store and these things that I'm like, I would never just think that unless I walked by it and I was like, oh, let me pop in here. But he's like, let's go find a cool record store. That'll walk around. I know, but I'm normally sure. I'm into it when he suggests it. Never on my own do I go.

When I walk outside my house, I go outside my house and smoke cigarettes somewhere where I can sit like in the half block vicinity. I don't even go to the, I'm gonna smoke a cigarette and go see if there's like maybe a fun store. Six blocks down, I'm like, yeah, I'm alright. It's an interesting, it's an interesting dynamic. You and Ari are, complete opposite ends of the spectrum.

I feel like I'm right in between. Sure. Because half of the things Ari likes like to do I'd be into. Like I do look up, hey, is there a, like, a used blue-rays store around here or DVD stores or cool place and sells cassette tapes, hip hop shop, whatever. I'll go and look at that stuff. And I always try to find unique and goofy bars to go to.

Or interesting food, but like, the like, let's just ingest life. Yeah. It's the part of it I'm not into. Yeah. You know, let's just sit in the park. Yeah, just be. Let's go sit in the park.

I'm like, I'm telling you what happens when we do, we went there one time to the park with Ari and sat there on the blanket and I mean, the second my ass hits dirt, I'm like, could we go, what are we doing? It's like, well, we're just gonna sit here and like kinda talk outside. I'm like, we can talk at our house,

like tell them to come over where we have like, you know, air conditioning and television and music in the background. If we want, like this blows. If you talk so much for a living, like you talk constantly for a living, I feel like when you are decompressing like you don't want to just hang out and talk. No, I want to talk, but I want to do it like

in the most comfortable of settings. It's why and I'm right in between where I'm like, no, let's get out of the house, but let's set it a bar. We're not that many people hang out, but there's cool shit to look at. And Joe, that's what we mean, Joe hit our things. Joe, let's go to a bar. Joe Bill, let's go to a bar.

But Joe Bill, let's go to a bar. And I have like, good. Yeah, it was like a good group of people. It didn't matter that I wasn't drinking. Like, I think I had some non-alcoholic Joe's birthday I was saying, like, that was a fun hang. We could sit outside. Yes, no, I can go, I can get down with a bar

with a lot of people that we know and like hang for sure. And I'll do that also. It's just like, in my mind though, mind though if you're like what would my if no one else that influence it all over the decision What would my thing is if somebody was like oh you want to have a few drinks with Joe tonight? I'm already picturing like oh yeah grab a bottle and like a six pack and hit go to Joe's house or Joe's coming over I guess I'm never my mind. How about this bar like why? Right, I'm like, you know we're all adults, and we can have the stuff in our houses now. So if somebody suggested to me,

like I got the NFL package, so I'd go watch the Eagles games every Sunday, right? When I'm home. And it's that kind of a thing where it's like people go, it's like, oh, dude, no, it's fun. We all go to this Philly bar, then I was like, no, I did that when I didn't have the package to watch football, I go, now I want't have the package to watch football guy go, now I wanna like eat food

in my house and all, because, oh what about beers and booze? Like, those things are all available. You're a man that would love a dumb waiter, like nobody I know. Yes, send it. Well, you would love a dumb waiter, just cause it's a little thing that wheels right

up to the room, just over the door, door you just get your stuff right out of it. I But it dude, it's I get it I get the no I'm actually very big on getting out of bed I don't like to wake up and like hey, let's watch I've never wanted to do that where you wake up and like let's watch the Eagles game in bed We woke up at noon. I'm like no, no I almost want to be showered before that. No, no that part I get but if there was a dumb waiter next to the TV in the living room, you would enjoy. Send it. Send it up from the kitchen. I don't want to come down there. Yeah. Is he gonna chef in a dumb waiter? Yeah, yeah,

you need a chef too. Yeah, that's a good. Instead, I order out my little bagels, a good delivery. Instead, instead, instead, I order out and I live with a dumb waitress. Oh, geez, oh man. Oh, my good. Dumb waiter. You good, dumb waiter. You guys doing ding back humor over here. Hey, you old dumb waitress. Second night Christine. Fire back Evan, fire back. Well, there's nothing to go with dumb waiter.

This is okay. That hurt. She likes queers, what are you doing? I like it when my wife's a queer, my honor. You go, hey, Joe, she's in the block, is dude, what are you gonna do? You're like, Joe, Jay's been mean to me. She's in the block. Wait, what is that? What's that from weird science? Yeah, yeah. She's in the lock is Dino. Boy,

she's a beautiful one like this doing with the Malakka like you. She's in the block as Dino. She's into malaga. You've been listening to Sirius XM's bonfire! New episodes every Tuesday through Friday mornings and full shows always on Sirius XM! Damn!