The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Laugh Sucker (feat. Paul Virzi & Jon Lovitz)

Episode Date: May 9, 2024

Bobby tries to rap along with N.W.A. to the dismay of Paul Virzi. The great Jon Lovitz meet the Bob and Jay for what he thinks is the first time. Jon gives insight to behind-the-scenes at SNL. The Bonfire continues broadcasting live all week from the SiriusXM studios in L.A. for the Netflix Is A Joke Fest. FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf

And now, live from LA for the Netflix is a Joke Fest, it's the Bonfire with Big Jay Ockerson and Robert Kelly. You are now about to witness the strength of street knowledge. There he is. Paul Burges in the house. He's going to be at the Troubadour in Los Angeles Friday, May 10th. That's this Friday everybody. It's the Joel Kim Booster Theater I think they're everybody. It's the Joel Kim Booster Theater,

I think they're calling it now. Oh. The Joel Kim Booster Theater, what's up handsome? That's Friday, May 10th, this Friday everybody. For the Netflix The Joke Festival, for tickets and all tour dates, go to Paul Verzi, V-I-R-Z-I.com. It is the great Paul Verzi, everybody.

What's up man? What's up my man? Good to see you guys on this coast. How you doing, man? Good. How are you? Yeah. Good.

Yeah. Yeah. I called you last night. Yeah, I know, dude. I wanted to see if you wanted to smoke a cigar in Beverly Hills. I wasn't. I was up at the... We took the crew and we had a big thing at the house with all the people.

When you look at me... Because you're mumbling through the excuse. You could have just said, I'm doing something more fun. I did. No, no, no, no. Not more fun. Not more fun. It was a party. Jay, you're a piece of... What are you doing? Yeah said I'm doing something more fun. I did. No, no, no, no, not more fun. Not more fun. It was a party. Jay, you're a piece of shit. What are you doing?

Yeah. What are you doing? I'm just upset. Paul's hat is so happy about the next. He's a Sixers fan. He knows. Yeah. Dude, that was a hell of a series. That took a year off my life, that series. Yeah. Later on, you should smoke a cigar with cigar Bobby you guys should talk sports talk talk Celtics He knows a lot about that stuff Fuck you all right with you think I can still enjoy the game without knowing stats or anybody or have a game

Yeah, you can enjoy a game without getting into it like you did you know that Bobby knows every word to straight out of Compton? It's fucking wow Put it on again, please It's crazy. I can't I know thank you doesn't know every word Say colored for those parts Crazy crazy color motherfucker who wants to be gone. Nah, dude, you're good. Go ahead. I'll black you up. Crazy colored gentleman from Compton. I need a little more.

There we go. Compton. Fucking name Ice Cube. From a gang called **** with attitude. Oh, God. Whoa. What a call off. The trigger and bodies are hauled off.

You too, boy, if you fuck with me The police are gonna have to come and get me off your ass That's how I'm going out what for the punk motherfuckers that are showing up It's like a mumble wanna rumble good man cook them in a pot like gumbo Motherfucking like that with a gap that's pointed at your ass Give me a smooth ain't no telling when I'm down for a jack move What? Gonna keep me a-dancing with a crime record like Charles Manson

K-47 is the tube Motherfucking fool Go toe to toe with no make On the knees I'm- Whoa, whoa That was quick Hey, hey, cut it off. Right away. Wait a minute.

Did I say it? Right away. No, you said it early and you said it often. Did you know that you said it right in the beginning? I said it three times. Can you beep that out? It's live. We're live. Wait a minute, dude, I don't even know you. How do you know that?

I love rap. No you don't even know you. Why? And I know the song? That's crazy. How do you know that? I love rap. No, you don't. No, you don't. Buddy. Please tell me. Please tell me we have that forever. Dude. Just a very clean Bobby saying, I love rap.

Every time we've talked about music, I always go to rock. I love NWA. I love rap at that era. When it got into mumbler, when it got into the mumbler stuff. I like NWA. I like all that stuff. I like NWA was my favorite. I like, you know, Dre, Ice Cube.

Those are the people in NWA. And then when they went off on their solo stuff, when EZs and Ice Cube started fighting, I loved that stuff. And then I got into of course M&M, and then I liked 50. What about Nas, what about Biggie? Biggie I love, Biggie I loved I like called quest Wu Tang Clan

I got into I like Wu Tang, but I'm not I'm not into it as much. It's a little it was a little too much You ever hear Jacob my getting in trouble. No Black Lou borderline thank you to say I'm sweating not sweating right now. Not with his words, with his behavior. You had no idea. You said it first sentence, first bar. You said it. I was like, you didn't hear me go, whoa. He was coming straight out of Compton, crazy motherfucker named Ice Cube, from the group named and you went full. You went full, full. Bob, you didn't notice everyone go. Once he put his glasses on, he turned into a different person. Could I be honest? I thought you guys were impressed. We were. No, I was impressed. But the first verse, we were like, no way. Dude, I'm sweating right now.

I'm a little scared for the show. I feel sweating. You put your glasses on and turn into a different person. That was wild. Yeah, man. Yeah. The guy who says the N-word. Nah, dude, come on.

That's what you've become now. Wow. How great was that, though? Jacob, why are you moving away from me? Black, loose, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight,

straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, straight, I mean, that's what you've become now. Wow. How great was that though? Jacob, why are you moving away from me? Black Lou said it was okay. He begged you. Black Lou ratted me out at the beginning of the show. He wants me gone.

Oh yeah, he's plotting on you. That's what it is. He's like, Bobby, you should try drinking again. He's sending that out the ladder right now. I mean, listen, yeah, dude, I love... NW is my favorite. I used to just ride around in my Z28 with the teatops on. No, you used to have a LeBron in that bitch. No, I didn't have the LeBron.

I couldn't get it. Did you wear Zcavaricis? I did. No, you didn't. Yes, I did. Of course I did. You had Zcavaricis? What are you talking about?

Of course I did. Did you not? You're too young for that. What? You're too young for Zcavaricis. It was...the older kids had them. Yeah, we were we were it was just I just missed it. I had parachute pants. I had Z caverie juice hammer pants I had pleated Hugo Boss pants because they didn't make every I remember though. Those were like when yeah, those like those two fat for caveri cheese So Hugo Boss did the move they made the pleats and they wrote their name Down to down the zipper. So from a distance, it wouldn't look...

It would look like Cavaricci's almost. That sounds like a song. Two fa-fa-zee Cavaricci's. I'll tell you what, though. I'm waiting for the belts to come back with the metal tips on them and maybe do the old flip-a-doo. Oh, I did the flip and knot.

Of course, we all did that. I remember the braided belt. The end of the belt was metal. You go underneath. Yeah, you go underneath and then put it up and through yeah, yeah, I had that I love that But I had the Don Johnson suit with the padded with the padded shoulder pads Yeah, the the the creamsicle colors all the neon colors the my I'm a turtleneck guy. I want turtlenecks back I can't do it. I got a turtleneck with the chain over it like the rock does

Come on, man. I can't do a turtleneck. I feel it makes my... Turtleneck with cologne and a chain over it? Over. Fucking over with. Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something.

One of my least favorite things... Drakkar? Remember Drakkar? Oh, yeah. Everybody had Drakkar and Cavaricci. That was the... And Polo. Polo cologne was big.

I'll tell you what. I'm going to start going throwbacks. I see them when I go to like, Oh, look at that, tell me that doesn't look good, man. When you're at a grocery store, not a grocery store, that looks like you. Like a drug store, when you're at like a CVS or something, I'm gonna go back, I'm gonna get me a little grip of Jupe.

I'm gonna get me some Fahrenheit. Fucking Jupe, dude, Fahrenheit, you just brought me back to fucking seventh grade. I'm gonna get me some fucking Fahrenheit for sure. I'm gonna go back, there's some goodies that were back in the day. My favorite was Angel. Remember Angel?

No, I never had Angel. Oh, it smelled like chocolate. I remember the green bottle with the gold top the Stetson that dads would have. Angel smelled like chocolate. A lot of fat girls would come up to you. We didn't know, because when you bought Cologne, I always got Cologne like CVS and shit like that

at drug stores, and they did have some of the nicer ones. But everyone can get them nicer ones, like Curve, Cool Water, Nautica. I still love Nautica still. But then they also had the other ones that you would get when you were young. You're like, well, I got it at the same places. Those, no, I'm talking about Stetson, Iron.

You ever know anybody who had Iron? What was the one with the old, I had Old English. Old English. With the wooden knob. Of course. Christine, bring up the one with the, I had Old English. Old English. With the wooden knob. Of course, Christine, bring up the one I just said. Dude, he brought me back though with Jupe. Remember Jupe was like the pinkish? Yeah.

Oh dude. Jupe was good. Jupe was nice. Oh there you go. See, Chaps with the. What was it called? Iron. Iron Cologne.

That was such a, that was your uncle forgot that you were gonna be there for Christmas and fucking ran to CVS and got you And most of us the biggest thing was aftershave and then their cologne was like a little so yeah iron That's fucking that is glove compartment cologne. If ever there was one. Yep It goes. Oh shit. I forgot to spray on cologne. I'll throw an iron for this I guess I my mom gave me my first cologne, it was a canoe starter kit. It was three different little bottles of canoe.

And it had the little sailboat, a little boat on it and stuff. I loved it, I remember I put it on and went to school. Some girl was like, what's that smell? I think our generation was like the first young people that were putting on cologne, like their dads. So the problem was, when I was young, all the scents I would go to,

and then they started when I was an older teenager, making, you could tell the Joops and Dracars and all that stuff were for the young club people. But everything at first I just smote. My first colognes ever were Polo with the green, dark green, little cough medicine. Yeah, I remember that. Remember Brute?

Oh, yeah, that was also green. That was green too. That was yeah green that was green that was green that was like a man that was your dad's next to a fucking thing of blue liquid for coals smelt like straight rubbing alcohol yeah brute was a fucking I like that one everything everything's logos was like a fox hound or like a something it's always like it's like a stuff that Jacob still loves yeah a shotgun Bobby you like a nice club, dude. You could definitely be talked into being one of the people who bids on tourists and

hostile for sure. You like it, you feel like it's like, yeah, I smoke a cigar with the guys, then we hunt a girl, confuse tourists. And then we like fucking, I don't know, my dream is I want to burn her nips off with like a blowtorch, so that's my crazy thing. And then when she dies to feel the vaginus, see if it's cold or hot. No, I'm just saying, aren't you curious if it is though?

Paul goes, what? Sorry, that was from. That's actually fucking crazy shit you say right there. You said it. Dude, it's funny when you come into a show, you don't understand the callback. You just hear some awful sexual shit. Bobby said earlier that if he worked in a mortuary,

that he would want to finger the cadavers to see if they stay warm and wet. Paul, look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me, Paul. What? No, I didn't say that. Now look at him. Okay. Jay can't act on the fly. What, this isn't appalled?

No. No. Tell me this isn't appalled, but I'm going to be subtle. Better. Better. Better. That was a part, but I'm going to be subtle. Better. Better. Better. That was better. But if I do my... No, no, no.

You guys know Brett Ernst, right? Yeah, of course. Brett Ernst has a... This is no shit. He has a cologne dealer. So he meets him. No, no, no. Can't swear.

What? Can't swear. What do you mean? You said the N-word three times. Relax. I didn't. NWA did. No, you put your... You said it once, but with the gusto of three times. I was Ice Cube.

No, I was on the phone with Brett and he goes, he goes, Verzi, I gotta go, dude. He goes, my guy's here. And he goes, and he was in a parking lot at the gym. He goes, my guy's here. And I go, what, dude? I go, dude, I didn't know you smoked weed. He goes, no, no, I swear to God.

He goes, I got an Armenian guy that he meets and he gets to the top of the line. He said like, Aqua De Geio had a new blackout, that he called. And he goes, and I'm not even joking. And then he's in the car and he goes, I got six in here. And he opened his glove and pulled out six. He's nuts with it.

Oh, with cologne? Oh, dude, fragrances all over the place. My favorite one that I've ever had, still that John Barbados black. Yeah, that was great. They don't make it anymore, that bottle. The wicker bottle. No, I liked the- What was it called? John Barbados black yeah, that was great. They don't make it anymore that bottle the wicker bottle now I like that the what was it called John Barbados black good up j Mark Jacob. What's his name Christine?

Jake what's a mark Jacob's Colona like that one I get the guys in New York They're always popping by the parking lot and they come up with all the stuff. They just stole from Macy's How does it work that if Gucci like why do we assign them good at other things? What was Gucci's first thing, clothes? Was clothes their first thing? Or bags? Bags, right? I think it was bags.

Purses. Purses, yeah. So then it's like, they start making clothes, why is everything now follow the trend of like, that we just trust like, well they made amazing bags, so you just trust it goes, so they have a $300 cologne and you're like, well I should get that cologne. Is it really better than like, $30 cologne and you're like, well I should get that cologne. Is it really better than like $30 cologne?

Is it better than iron? There's a company that just replicates, you go to CVS and they have Advil. And then right next to it's CVS Advil. You turn it around, it's the same exact ingredient. And they can do that with cologne now. So they have companies that will just replicate the expensive cologne and it's the same exact thing.

I know, that's what my girlfriend got me for Christmas one year. What? A dollar store's version of Tommy Hilfiger Sport and an incense holder and $60 cash. Why did she give you the cash? For what? She was breaking up with me and wanted the gift I got her. So she got back together with me for a day

and got her gift and then gave me an invitation, dollar stores, an invitation of Tommy Hilfiger Sport, incense and an incense holder. I'd yet to smoke weed at this point in my life yet. So I had no need for incense. And $60 cash. And you didn't live with a witch so the incense was unneeded $60 cash peeled off of a nice fucking wad Here you go, you know yourself a PlayStation 2 game. I gave seven ice cream a parting gift some Nintendo Oh, no, it's PlayStation 1. It was PlayStation 2. It just came out this is all like with like I was still coming with Kevin and Keith right and She had broke up with me

She started seeing some other guy like that her family loved it was like a family friend or something I didn't love you. They did not why they I think as I was a Having sex with their young daughter I think the thing was that I was having her sneak out to have sex with me in the middle of the night, so they probably hated that. But yeah, no, they didn't like me at all, but she broke on me for this. And then one of the things, the guy she was supposed to, I've told this on the show before

a long time ago, but the guy she was supposed to, or that I caught her talking to, like kind of seeing, yeah, I was like, when I first caught her, she was like, no, no, no, I was like when I first caught her she was like no no no I was just talking to that guy He's helping me get you the PlayStation 2 for Christmas cuz it's hard to get right now It's right when it came out and then I was like I'm such a bastard. I was so mean to her Accusing her of cheating on me and now look she was just trying to get a PlayStation 2 Well, this is how I have to get it. I have to blow him. Yeah, get this I'll do anything I suck this guy's dick to get you a PlayStation 2. Well, this is how I have to get it. I have to blow him to get this. I'll do anything for you.

I sucked this guy's dick to get you a PlayStation and you're treating me like this, you fucking piece of shit. I want my cheap clone back. And a couple days, a couple days, it was all happening right around Christmas and a couple days later, she comes to my, or she calls me up and she was like,

I made a mistake, we should get back together. I'm a sad shit, so I was like right away, absolutely. She goes, I wanna come over today and exchange Christmas presents with you. And I was like, but it's Christmas Eve, or it's the day before Christmas Eve. And she was like, yeah, we know my family does a lot of stuff for Christmas.

And I'm like, no they don't. We've been together for years. I'm like, yeah. You're calling on our lives? Yeah, I'm like, no, no. And she goes, no, today's the only day I can really do it. So I'll come over for like an hour. So I didn't get her a gift because she had broken up

with me a week before or something. So I was like, I didn't get her anything. So I ran to a jewelry store. I thought you were going to say CVS. No. I got her iron. Did you get her a gold hit rose? I got her a brute family pack with this lotion.

You should've got that whole condoms for a new boyfriend. Get no shit. No. These are for you new guy, love you. Be safe. I spent. Thanks for the Sony PlayStation. If I spent everything I had, I went to the jewelry store

and got like $70 to buy like a shit ring, but it was just like something, it was like a birthstone or something, it was nothing like expensive. We gotta take a break. Well wait, I got it for her, I'm saying it. You did, oh shit. She came over, and I gave her that,

and she started crying, getting all sad, and then she was like, she's like, well here, are you ready for your presents? And she just kept telling me to close my eyes. She did not walk in with a PlayStation 2 for sure, that she had told me she got me and instead of this place is to she got me dollar store imitation Tommy Hill figure sport cologne

Incense and incense holder and $60. She got you anything she grabbed out of her new guy's car Got she's like I didn't give him a present I give him this shit go on my glove he take whatever's in there Whatever's just around you she gave me whatever's an arm reach Alright we're gonna take a break the great Paul Verzi's here. He has got a show He'll be at the troubadour in Los Angeles Friday this Friday May 10th for the Netflix is a joke festival For tickets and all of the tour dates PaulVersey.com Saturday night we're doing a live me and him are doing a live bone to pick at the Red Clay Comedy Festival at the Earl 8 p.m. 8 p.m. so check that out and check him out his website and Big Jay is gonna be this at

the Summit Comedy Club Fort Wayne Indiana May 17th and the 18th Irvine Improv June 7th and 8th, all tickets, tours, bigjcomedy.com. Oh, I think in between it I have one weekend off. Oh, and June 8th I'll be at the Gramercy New York. What's that? Oh, nice. I said I think between those two weekends I have one weekend off.

Two off? No way, that's true. All right, here we go. I don't believe you. At all. And again, yes, Robert Kelly, Stanford, Connecticut, Port Charlotte, Florida, St. Louis, Missouri, for tickets and all tour dates, punchup.live slash Robert Kelly. We'll be right back with the great Paul Verzien. I believe is John Lovett joining us when we come back? Yeah? Nice. This will be fine. Have you ever met John Lovett before?

No. Me either, but Bobby and him have a feud. No, we don't. A long time feud. Yeah, you're right. They do. I'm gonna bring up the fact that you want to finger cadavers. You want to finger cadavers. Hey, what's up? I'm BK Burglar, Bob Kelly, aka The Rooster. I'm Big Jay Okerson. I only have one aka. I'm a cowboy. Look, if you love the bonfire, which you know you do, this is just half of the show.

That's right. This is the podcast version, everybody. So if you want to hear the whole thing, go to SiriusXM.com slash bonfire to get the whole thing. Yeah, you get tons of other entertainment too. It's not just us. You got other shows that you can go to after you listen to our show.

You can go to all kinds of other shows and you know what? Tell a friend. But most importantly, this show. Yeah, this show. Just go to this show. Do something resembling anything. We have a great guest in the studio. I mean, unbelievable. I've known you.

I've met you before. Jay's never met you. Paul never met you. Mr. John Lovitz is in the studio. What's going on, buddy? Well, I'm just very happy to be here. I'm over here. Oh there you are. He said that to Jacob. I'm trying to say it into the mic. Such a fan for so many years, your movies, the SNL years. I always, every time I know anybody, the people I know on SNL now are all the young guys.

It's a different world now. But I always wonder with any, did you ever get to hook up with a host or any other cast member in your tenure there? Well, I mean all the beautiful women that hosted when I was there, yeah, they all wanted to sleep with me. I mean, Jay's out of the game. I mean, I mean, Jesus, the kid just sat down. I had a girlfriend, so I...

The entire time? Yeah, so, you know, so... Who was your girlfriend? Madonna? No, but, you know, I said, look, I got a girlfriend, so, you know, one time, it was fine. Once plenty. But then that's it. But they'd be obsessed.

No, I never did. I never even thought about it until Pete Davidson was running through. Of course they were beautiful. I mean Sigourney Weaver hosted. I'm like, oh no. Jerry Hall hosted. I was like, oh., Jerry Hall hosted, I was like, oh. You know, they're beautiful women, super nice, you know. Did you have to do like a romantic comedy scene

with them on the show? No, I did, you know who I did kiss on the show? Mary Tyler Moore. Ooh, wow. Really? That's a good one. Yes, that is a great one. Yeah, that's a good one. But she was the nicest lady, you know. It's going to be fun when Candice Bergen...

She hosted when I was here. Yeah, she had a crush on her. They're all so great and nice. Candice Bergen was the nicest ever. They're all very nice. Was there anybody that was a dick? Nightmare? I talked to Colin, a friend of mine,

and there was a couple stories he told me of like certain guests that were like, people were like, fuck him. I don't want to say who, but... Because it just wouldn't be right, but it was a guy, but it was... Out of all of them, it was just one when I was there, just one guy, but no one...

Stevenson. Nobody like him. No, I wasn't there then. I wasn't there when he hosted. Actually, I think I came by off the show. But no, there was one guy, but he was just rude to everybody. Everybody. You go in a costume, they go, I can't stand that guy.

I go, what happened? And then another guy, and on and on. Just a nasty guy to work with. Seems like a weird world to come in. I think he was more insecure, so then he acted like that. He was like, there was a cue card guy and he was like, come on, hey buddy, buddy,

and snapping his fingers at him. I'm like, excuse me, don't talk to him like that. You know, and you're not supposed to talk to the host like that, but he was so rude that it was like, you know, don't, you don't talk to that guy like that. And there was an old guy in his 60s at the time, which I am now, but it was like, you know, I go, don't talk to that guy like that. And there was an old guy in his 60s at the time, which I am now, but it was just so rude.

But otherwise, everybody was very, very nice. I liked them all. So when you're doing the, when you're doing, I've always wanted to ask this question. Well, apparently you're going to. So this is your little dream come true. You're welcome. You've always wanted to ask this, for how many years now?

Three. Okay, not all of it. It's on his vision board. I've seen it. Well, if I can answer honestly, I will. I've manifested this moment. I sit at home. No, I want, when you're doing the scene, and they have the cue cards, and they're changing

that stuff right up, where are you, are you supposed to look at the actor or are you supposed to look at the cue card? What's the? Oh, well I can tell you a story. So I did my, I never used cue cards. So my very first show, Madonna's hosting it and Penny Marshall was hanging out. The first thing I ever did on the show was with Madonna

and she was there for two weeks. She worked her butt off by the way. Anyway, it was a short film. We're in Central Park and I met Penny Marshall. shows with Madonna and she was there for two weeks. She worked her butt off by the way. Anyway, it was a short film. We're in Central Park and I met Penny Marshall. She's friends with Lauren. So she befriended me. So then I do the first show, so I never use cue cards.

So I thought I could like look at them really quick and then look back and you wouldn't notice. So anyway, so the next day Penny calls me, she goes, learn your lines. I go, why? She goes, you can see me looking at the cards? Yes, your eyes are darting. I go, oh, I thought I could beat it.

And I watched the show and my eyes like this, like darting back and forth. So I would always learn my lines for a sketch. And then, but if it's right to camera, they can hold the cue cards right underneath. So it looks like you're, it doesn't, whether you know it or not, it looks the same. So you have to know it, but you don't have to memorize it. But I would, I would learn my lines. But what happens is, after dress rehearsal, they'll do like two, from eight to 10, they'll do like 14 sketches and they'll cut six which is like an hour so you go in the 1030 they go you

everyone goes into Lawrence office it's just like this little office and you're packed and then there's a you know bulletin board and you see what's left in the show and what was cut and usually my stuff would be in to be honest and then but it would be in a different order. So I would just write the order. I would take notes, because I couldn't remember all the notes. He's like giving millions of notes. And I would write it down. And then, it's an exciting show to do.

It's live. So you'd have every actor, you'd own like a dresser to help you get in that a costume and your own makeup person so you'd look at the new order and you'd get together with them and say okay where do we have to go because a lot of times you'd have two minutes between a sketch so you have to change underneath the the raft the the rafters underneath the people like they're above you and you're changing completely. So I'd say to them, look it, I don't know what's gonna be next.

So just after the sketch is over, just like I'll come off stage and then grab me and just tell me what's next. So I go, I don't know, cause I'm not gonna remember, I'm like into this. So they grabbed me, they're like, okay, we're going over here to change this. You have two minutes.

It's this sketch. OK. And then I would look at my notes. And so that's what I would do. A lot of people, they didn't rehearse. They didn't learn their lines. Even if they had one line, they wouldn't learn it, which I think is bad.

Yeah. Well, I think that era, it's changed now. Almost like the peak behind the curtain with wrestling wrestling Everyone knows now that you know still Saturday Night Live uses the handwritten cue cards And that's sort of a thing now why I don't think they shy away from just staring at the cards and just reading the whole show because in What I thought was like the prime era to me It's and everybody says always when you were a kid whenever you were a kid is what the prime time and you were a part of that and the and the Dana Car, and you were a part of that,

and the Dana Carvey and Phil Hartman years and everything. And I felt like you were watching a well rehearsed play like every time, like no, everyone knew their lines, like the recurring characters and stuff. Yeah, if you were on Update, it was right there, but you knew it, then if it was like, one sketch, Phil and I wrote one more mission, and I'm like, it's really fast talking, like a spoof of 40 more mission and I'm like a, it's really fast

talking like a spoof of 40 movies and I'm the head of a studio and he's this actor, he's nuts. So we rehearsed it a lot. So we really, you couldn't do that sketch if you didn't know it. But you know who was great at using cue cards was Dabney Coleman was like genius. So there was a sketch where we're, he's a Boy Scout leader and we're all Boy Scouts sitting on around a campfire. And the sketch was like, you know, tell us a scary story.

It goes, he goes, all right, you wanna hear a scary story? I'll tell you. There's a man, he had this wife. You know, and it's a story about his divorce, and she took half the stuff. And he had to go move into this little apartment. Christine's smiling right now.

You never broke one. But he had the car, I'll just apartment. Christine's smiling right now. You never broke one. But he had the card, I'll just say, so we're in a semi-circle. So, Damny Coleman goes, all right, I want one card here, one card above, one card low, one card here. So, it looks like he's looking at us, but he's looking up and down.

It was like, and you can't tell. I'm like, oh, this is brilliant. But of course, you know, he had so much experience. So, that's one way to do it where you can't tell. But back then, when you did the show too, now it seems like- Wait a minute, wait a minute. You have another question?

I do. And I've been waiting a day for this one. Oh. But you're not supposed to break character. You're not supposed to laugh. And it seems like now that's gone. You never did. I never saw you break.

We weren't allowed to. Well, first of all, I was an acting major in college, and it's called breaking character, and they go, don't do it. If you're doing a play, if you do it, it takes everybody out of the play and the audience out, and it's over. And when I was in the show, Lauren goes,

um, you know, don't break character. We're not the Carol Burnett Show. Because they would, yeah. And those guys were great on the Carol Burnett show. Because they would do, and those guys were great in the Carol Burnett show, but they would try to make each other laugh. And you know, it was a Harvey Corbin. And it wasn't live. So they could have redone it, but they would leave it in.

So we weren't allowed to, like I thought if we break, we're, you're going to get fired. And I think it's, I mean, I'm just, it can, if it happens once in a while, but it just takes you out of the sketch. So the sketch is over, and now you're just looking at somebody laughing. Well, Ryan, God.

And the whole story of, yeah, I saw the beavis and butt-head. But it was the whole, everyone, I love Ryan. I love him. He's great, I think he's hilarious. But every sketch, he broke and was breaking other people. It was like they were just giggling in between the other things. Yeah. It does take you out of it. You think they do it sometimes for the crowd to like, you know?

No, I think he's, I don't know the guy but the guy's a great actor. He's great. And I think he's genuinely laughing, you know, he can't help it but I mean it takes you out of the sketch. I mean Jimmy Fallon, I love Jimmy but he would do it all the time. You know, that sketch is, it takes you out of the sketch. I mean, Jimmy Fallon, I love Jimmy, but he would do it all the time. And now that sketch is, it's about him laughing and everyone trying not to laugh. It's funny, I like it once in a while when it happens, like, you know, when it really-

It's a little infectious sometimes when it feels genuine. But then, you know, when it happens over, like every sketch, it's like- Well, you guys are all standups, right? So, you know, if you tell a joke and then you start laughing, and the audience is really laughing, if you, if you tell a joke and then you start laughing, and the audience is really laughing,

if you're going, ha ha ha, and you start laughing, they stop. It takes them right out of it. It's like you suck the laugh out of them. You, anyway. You really suck it out of them. I'm saying... What a laugh sucker this guy could be. You apparently have a reputation. I mean, I don't know. I've never met you. But you

know what I mean? First of all, we've met. Yeah, I know. Where? I'm just testing you. I'm testing you back. You had hair at the time. I did not. Damn it. I thought that was a good guess. I did not.

He had a backwards Kangol hat. Where do we meet? One check against you. Back on you. We met in Hollywood, years ago. That's vague. That narrows it down, Bobby. All right, 2009. Well, I was, yes. Times are tough then. I had to make money somehow.

I don't know. I met at two, I believe, Bobby Slayton's house. Oh. Dinner? Oh yeah, Bobby's, your friend's Bobby then. No, I didn't know Bobby either, I did a little bit. I was over at Bobby's house and it was weird Bobby then. No, I didn't know Bobby either. I did a little bit. But I was over Bobby's house, and it was weird,

because he had just got a new pool. And he was like, jump in, get in. And I didn't want to swim, but I was like, get in, try it. And I was like, OK. And it was just me swimming. Alone? He just wanted to observe you swim? Like, nobody else jumped in.

I love how this memory stuck with Bobby a lot more. It was just me swimming in Bobby Slayton. I feel like John would remember the time that one guy was just swimming in a pool with Bobby Slayton. No, I don't remember that. Well, don't take it personally, because I've talked to a lot of people.

In fact, Bobby, I just talked to him today, he's getting back into standup. He kind of quit. Why? He's getting back, yeah. And doing shows and flappers. But I said, you know, after that vaccine, I go, my memory or I got COVID twice, but like there'll be a word in my head and then it disappears. And he goes, that happens to me. That was my girlfriend. And I never had a problem with my

memory. I remembered everything. And then all of a sudden I go, you remember the guy? Oh, and then I picture him. It happened to me driving down the street. I know where he lives and I go, you remember the guy? Oh crap, and then I picture him. It happened to me driving down the street, I know where he lives and I go, oh, there's, and it was Bobby Slayton, I couldn't remember his name. I'm not seeing that clearly. How did I show up on time for this? That is proof positive.

Yeah, but don't. So you're saying the vaccine is- So don't take it personal. No. I don't know if it's COVID, but people, they people they my I agree. I never had problem with their memory I have a problem now. It's it's it's wacky. How weird my memory is now. I forget stuff mid Mid-thought I'd be like, well, you get cold. You take a booster I had I cover right when it came out and I didn't know what it was, but I got

and I didn't know what it was, but I got it. Then I had the anti- Always the head of the curve, Bobby. I am, I'm always. iPhone one, COVID one. Well, do you ever think of a word, a word, and it's right there and all of a sudden it just disappears? You go, the, you know, what's her name? It's a, oh, mom.

No, but it happens a lot. Yeah. I smoke a lot of pot, so I think it does happen to me, but I don't know if I ever, isn't it weird? All the time, I've tested for COVID a bazillion times. I've never tested positive for it. I had it right away, and then I tested,

I had the antibodies too. I had it a week ago. Yeah. I had it before they even knew what it was called. Yeah, I had no smell, taste. Yeah. And we were watching for our least healthy friends to get it and survive it and then go,

okay, I'll be okay. Yeah, I was one of those. No, I was doing stand up at the lab factory and a comic got it. So Harry Basil runs it and I said, we better get tested. I mean, because the next day I go, where is he? He goes, he has COVID. I go, he was just here last night with all of us. So I went to get tested.

I didn't have tested negative. And then two days later I got, I go, oh, it's the idiot that tested me. He was sweating. And then you go, of course you're gonna get it there because there's all these people thinking maybe they haven't and you're in a room with them, and that's where you get it. Well, here's the thing too, as comics,

we're getting it because of the microphone. They don't wash the microphone. Like they just, that mic has been. I think for a while the clubs gave you an option though like right in the green room before you go on it was like if you want to put one of the little dust like condoms in the cell I had brand they had a bucket of mic new mics in a bucket of used mics and you would just take your you would have your mic but I think they should do that all the time I actually was at the cello one night and I was doing a joke where I go like that and I think they should do that all the time. I actually was at the cello one night

and I was doing a joke where I go, like that, and I sucked a piece of meat out of the microphone. What the fuck? Into my mouth and I went, and I spit it into a lady's eye in the front row. You're used to that. It is my thing, it's my closer.

That's why you did the joke. Did you hear what you just said? What kind of a show is this? And I sucked some meat into my mouth. Yeah, who was on before you? I don't care about your private life. Please. Oh.

John, do you, uh... Meat. You have such a... Suck the meat off your microphone. There was a meat doing on the mic. Yeah, they're comedy, so they had shawarma. Oh my God, it's disgusting. It was gross.

You're a little bit of a spitter, though. What? You spit a little bit when you talk. I'm not a spitter. I'm a spitter. I'm a spitter. I'm a spitter. I'm're comedy stars. They had shawarma. Oh my God, it's disgusting. It was gross. You're a little bit of a spitter though. What?

You spit a little bit when you talk. What the fuck is that? Who says that? No, I'm saying you, sometimes when you talk and project, you spit. Fight, fight. Yeah, but what are you saying it for right now? Yeah, what are you saying? Fight, fight.

I mean, that's the humility in front of John Lovett. No, I'm saying that's why the... What, do you think he's going to take you under his wing? No. I'm saying that's why the- What, you think he's gonna take you under his wing? I'm your friend. He can't remember, he's not gonna remember you after the show. He actually, he might remember a story. I sent you a MySpace message.

No, this is true. Was that you? You're gonna remember this. You did? When you were on MySpace, but this is actually a true story. They're all jokes aside. You were on MySpace- So this is 20 years ago.

And you were on, yeah, and you just started doing standup. You just started. And I sent you a message saying, I think it's really ballsy that you're getting into stand-up now, everything. And you sent me a message back saying, thank you, Paul. That's a true story. You remember that way more than Bobby Slayton's pool, right?

Yes. See? You didn't compliment me, he did. John, you may never recall this. Me, you, David Spade won a hot air balloon ride. Well, that was like 30 years ago. Yeah. Well, that was before COVID.

I remember that. I wanted to ask you about that. The three of you might not remember this. But when you got this show, you said, John, you're our inspiration. We will be sharing any money we make with you. Yes, I do recall that handshake agreement. I do have the envelope for you that you requested.

Do you feel, John, do you still feel a online cult following to the critic at all? Because that was so. Oh, yeah, everyone. But believe me, I would love to do it again. And I've been trying for years. Is that what they say, would they revive it at all? It's not going to happen, I don't think.

I've tried, I've tried, I've tried. Believe me. Is it a Comedy Central comedy? I don't own it. No, it was at Sony. And then anyway, there's the writer. It's up to Jim Brooks, and he doesn't want to do it, basically.

I love that show. Al Jean and Mike Reese wrote it. You know that show should have been on, it was on ABC for seven shows and they canceled it. So then it went to Fox the next year, right after The Simpsons. And The Simpsons was at its peak then, it was like a 14 share rating,

which is 14 million households. And then the critic followed it and kept 90% of the audience, 11.1. You know the Tonight Show doesn't even get a one. Or maybe gets a one. This was 11. And then they cancelled it anyway and they never knew why and Mike Reese and Al Jean wrote the show and Mike said I quit show business, I give up. What do you have to do? I wrote a show. It's a hit and they cancel You know and the and the LL still you know been at the Simpsons the head guy forever But he says it's comp. I just tell you last week. I said come on. Let's do it. It's complicated All right, do you feel that people bring up like when you do shows?

I bet people bring like the DVDs to sign and stuff like that. It's such a cult following. People love that cartoon. I know. I haven't seen it in years. And then I watched some clips. And it's way funnier than I remembered it. I mean, I thought it was funny, but it's like hilarious. Also, you were on Dr. Katz before. No.

Did they ever do you on Dr. Katz? No. I know. You Jews all look alike. Yeah. No. No. He did say that before you came in.

That was K-A-T-Z. I'm L-O-V-I-T-Z. That was his first album. People would confuse, they were out at the same time so people would confuse it. Oh no, I didn't confuse the show. I just know, because you were the main character of the critic, but everyone was played themselves on Dr. Katz. I know they had a bunch of comics and stuff like that. No, I was never on Dr. Katz. Good one, Jay. Anyway. I asked if he was on Dr. Katz. I know they had a bunch of comics. No, I was never on Dr. Katz. Good one, Jay. Anyway. I asked if he was on Dr. Katz.

Why would they cancel the show if it was getting that much of a rating, though? Like, if it was doing that well. They have no idea why. And the head of the network, they were so angry, and he never gave a reason. Wow. And so, like, they did a, a couple years ago,

a show at the Hollywood Bowl, the music of the, oops, the music of the Simpsons. And so at the end of the show, and I got to be in it, which was great, but anyway, at the end of it, on the monitor they had a big scroll of everyone that ever had anything to do with the Simpsons and all the heads of the networks,

and they left this guy's name off. Really? They're so mad. Never found out why, and they tried to guess why, but they never, I remember at the time I said to Jim Brooks, he goes, I go, I said, did you say anything? And he said, yes. I go, what did you say to the guy?

I said, what are you doing? It's a hit, you're canceling a hit. It's a hit. I mean, Jim Brooks would know you know better than anybody he did the Mary Tyler Moore show the taxi he did the Simpsons I mean that guy knows TV and what's a hit and he goes it's a hit what are you doing and he just got rid of yeah he's amazing what they show is people don't know what the show is he's a movie critic right it was him living

his life he's a funny written card Right. It was just him living his life. That was it? Just the funny written cartoon. Well, it was a little more than that for goodness. Can you explain what the show is? At the time, it was in the 90s, the movie critics like Siskel and Ebert had tremendous power over if they liked a movie or not, they're on TV, and if they didn't like it, the movie could be a bomb, and if they liked it, it could be a hit. And there was other TV critics, they had huge power. and if they didn't like it, the movie could be a bomb, and if they liked it, it could be a hit.

And there was other TV critics, they had huge power. So they wrote a cartoon, they wrote it for me, where I play a critic in New York, and I have a family, but I'm Jewish, but my parents are like white, Anglo-Saxon Protestants, I was adopted, and I'm single, I have a son. And on the show, every movie I see, Ion, Protestant, so I was adopted and I'm single, I have a son. And on the show, every movie I see I go, it stinks.

I didn't like anything. And they would do satires of movies that were out then. So Maurice LaMarche is a voice actor, he would do a lot of the celebrity voices, he was great at it. And so they would do like, now here's Arnold Schwarzenegger, and you know, playing as a rabbi PI, playing Hasidic Jew. And I would go Jew, I'd go Jew. And then they would draw it with the mouth going like ew.

It was very funny. I was very sitting in the director's chair. Yeah, and they see Arnold Dress as a Hasidic Jew, you know, cartoon, who pays. He's like, Havan Nagila, baby. Boom. And it was just spoof of all that stuff. But a lot of times they wanted to do stuff and I go, that's too far. Because I was making movies then too. And I said, like, certain actors, I go, I can't do that I

go I'm gonna work with the guy I'm gonna you can't and it's not true you know I go what are you doing like make fun of people that are jerks not fun of people that are like nice and this and I go and I might be working their friend I knew a lot of them I was friends with a lot of it is different you have to answer to the right if and they're like oh I go, I'm sorry. Guy's a good friend of mine. He's a nice guy. And what are you doing? What do you feel now doing stand up?

Do you have a preference for either, whether it be sketch, acting, or stand up, that kind of gives you the rush that you're looking for with performing? Well, they're different. But I mean, you do stand up. I mean, I always say you're the whole joke you write It and you get to perform it and you're the lead and you can do whatever you want

And it's which no one can mess up endlessly creative. Yeah, and so I love doing it. I mean, it's You know you have a big parts where in movies is not as big but sketches Saturday Night Live is still the most exciting thing live television. I mean, it's electric You know when you think though I mean, it's sketch. Saturday Night Live is still the most exciting thing. Live television, I mean, it's electric. When you think though, do you think in sketch layout or now kind of like in presenting to an audience like Stan? No, it's different. It's not a sketch.

Yeah. No, I know the difference. Do you even know the difference? Why would you ask that question? I don't even know who I am. It was a good question. No, yeah. No, well, sketch, you're doing a character standup.

It's like, I mean, you can do it some guys do you know characters on stage, but When I started I go well who am I gonna be on stage and I go I'll be All the way I'm on talk shows like me, but funny and Dana Carvey, you know great stand-up He's one of my best friends. He helped me a lot He goes just have fun and do a short set up and then get do a lot of jokes Don't do like some actors they are communities you know they do like a two or three minute setup one

joke then they switch topics and he goes it's a recipe for exhausting the audience so do it like you go you know as short as you can she go ah women and that's your whole set so you have to say you know and then you just do a bunch of jokes on that topic and then you said it's evolved I've been been doing it for 20 years now, but it took me 20 years to get the guts to start doing it. You started late, though. You started after all your stuff. What made you want to get into stand-up? Well, I... I think it was my MySpace message. The movie Lenny... The first movie... When I was 13, I saw Woody Allen's first movie, Take the Money and Run, and then three years later I

saw Dustin Hoffman in the movie Lenny as Lenny Bruce, a the Money and Run. And then three years later I saw Dustin Hoffman in the movie Lenny as Lenny Bruce, a great stand-up. So I said Dustin was so great I go I want to hear the real guy. I'd never heard of Lenny Bruce so I went to the record store and when they had record stores and they had a comedy section it was like nothing. It was like maybe you know nine inches, it was hardly anybody. But I saw Woody Allen had been a standup, so I got his album and Lenny Bruce, and I would learn their routines

and I would perform them in my college dorm. So after college, I was a drama major at UC Irvine. I go, I wanna be a standup, it's a good way to get in. And a guy teaching a free workshop at the comedy store, he goes, well if you wanna be a standup to get in the television, don't, they're not hiring standups. And I'm like, they're not? No.

And I go, and then he kept talking, and I raised my hand, he goes, yes. I go, well, what do you mean they're not hiring standups? You guys are funny. You'd think they would, he goes. Yeah, well, you'd think they would, but they don't. Well, they weren't hiring him. Of course they were hiring standups.

Robin Williams, it just, it was a 79, broke down. That comic was Rich Voss. No. They're not hiring anybody. It's a dead end business. Yeah, that's all they were doing then, was hiring stand-ups. Robin Williams just hit huge,

and Mork and Mindy, and this and that, and on and on. So I go, I guess I was wrong, I'll skip that step. And then I, so I didn't, and then I got to, anyway, I got Saturday Night Live and Dennis Miller, I met Dennis, we became friends, he goes, you could be a stand up, you know, like Kevin Meany, God bless him, he was not like me, but Kevin was really funny and silly. So he brought me to the club, Catch Your Rising Star, so I get up and they go, John Lovitz, and the crowd's like, yay, they knew.

And then I didn't know what I was doing, I did like on stage five minutes, they go, John Lovitz. And the crowd's like, yay. And then I didn't know what I was doing. Like on stage five minutes, they go, John Lovitz. And you hear it. And you hear it. The sound of one hand clapping. Yeah. And I'm like, oh, I guess you're really going to know what you're doing. You're doing jokes.

I had no idea. Yeah, and then I would try it over the years. And they had the Aspen Comedy Festival. It was like 95 or something. So I knew the guys that ran the improv. And I was friends with Bud Friedman. It was a midnight show of all the hottest new comics then, they were all known. But the manager of the Improv was there and he goes, John, you want to get up?

I go, all right. So I had like 15 minutes of material. So I did it and I did really well. And Bud Friedman was like, you're a stand up, you're a stand up. I go, I don't know. You know, I just didn't have the confidence. And then when I was like 46, I said to my agent manager, I hadn't worked in seven years, I go,

can you guys get me work? I go, you know, I'm not broke, but I'm gonna run out of money in five years. And then my manager and agent said, why don't you sell your house? Jeez. How is that an option? Why don't I keep it?

I was thinking about a book agent. Maybe an audition? Yeah. I think they're buying blood. Yeah. So I said, what? You got a kidney? Yeah, that's crazy.

I said, my manager go, you're building a mansion and my agent go, you just bought one. I go, but I should like, so I was so angry. And they're like, it's not up for you. Angry. No, but I learned, I go, well, okay, so they're gonna do nothing. So if I, I'm gonna go broke, I gotta learn something new.

And I knew standup, I would sell tickets, but I gotta learn how to do it. So I thought, I'm gonna learn how to be a standup and then fire both of them. So I went down to the Laugh Factory, because my agent ironically said, Jamie Massato runs Laugh Factory, he'll put you on. So I went down there, and I go,

Jamie, I knew him, I go, all right, I want to do stand-up. He goes, okay, buddy, buddy, you're up next. I'm like, next? And I was so scared, my heart was like pounding in my chest. He goes, yeah, but you did live TV, isn't that like? I go, no, this is different. You're up there by yourself. There's, you know, you watch it, and a guy does great, it looks, oh, I can do that, this is different. You're up there by yourself. You watch it and a guy does great.

It looks, oh, I can do that. It's so easy. And then you get up and then you're like, wait, where's the, you're looking behind you. Where's the, oh, it's me. And then they're just staring at you. And then you tell a joke and they laugh and then they stop.

And you're like, oh another one? Oh and then you do, right? You're like, you don't, you know, you know, so you have a lot, well you guys know, it's like there's a lot to learn how to use the mic, who am I on stage, how do you keep the pace going when you, you know, and you don't start off with an hour, you have like a minute or five and then anyway, I stuck it out and so you will cook was there and very supportive a day told me about my space is one I go what's my space well it's this new thing and Ralphie May was there and they were both very supportive you know maybe where you knew Bobby from Dean Cook's Torgasm

there's Bobby Gary Goldman and Jay Davis were the other comics on the HBO. Yeah, I mean Bobby Slayton's like one of the best standups ever, you know, and you go, do that. I'd watch Dennis Miller, Dana Carvey, I'd go, and they were like, amazing. I'd go, I can't do that. Dana Carvey's Chopping Broccoli, like the standup, not on the show, I know he did it on the show

when Sigourney Weaver hosted, but when he did it in his standup special, the Chopping Broccoli Dude, I was... The first viral comedy clip that I remember where people are gonna watch this, they're gonna watch this. Well, just the things he said, like the little nuances, he's like, they always look like they're gonna throw up, he goes, they always look like they're gonna throw up,

and then they look like they're thinking about it on the fly, but just the way he did it was so brilliant. Oh yeah, he's great. He got me with, my favorite was when he was doing the guitar, usually a comic pulls out a guitar, you're like Christ and then Dana carlisle We've been a couple of the guitar and he goes by being mad at the microphone the rock story is just playing to go one Line he comes up and she said motherfucker you So you audition for SNL

through through improv Yeah, I was in the Growlings Theater. But when I got to New York, I met everybody. You know, Robin Williams, I met him when I was in college. Nine months before Mork and Mindy, I was doing a sketch for Solar Energy Day. And then he was on after. But no one knew who he was. It was before Mork and Mindy. He goes, come here.

I go, yeah, he goes, can you introduce me? I go, sure, what do you want me to say? He goes, just say the first, this is the first standup comedian from Russia in America, Nikki Lenin. I go, okay. So they go, all right, now the next, first standup from Russia, please welcome Nikki Lenin.

And then of course he was hysterical and and then so I said God You're so funny. Did you see my sketch? Yeah, I go. Well, do you have any advice? He goes, yeah, you know at first you imitate other people then you find your own way And I said, oh, let me ask you something because this would happen to me in college So people always say why are you never serious? He goes. Yeah. Yeah, I go. Yeah me too. What should I say? Oh, just say, you know, why are you never funny? And then I remember seeing him at the Comedy Store and I go, oh, I met you at Irvine. He goes, yeah, I can ask you.

So I said, can I ask you for some advice? He goes, yeah, after the show. But I was too nervous, you know. And then he hosted SNL. And so I said, you think I could be a standup? He goes, yeah. And then I became friends with Eddie Murphy. And I said, do you think I met him at this restaurant?

And he goes, you want to hang out with me? I go, I think I could him at this restaurant? He goes, you want to hang out with me? I go, I could be a stand-up, yes. And then Dennis Miller said, he brought it up to me. And Dana goes, yes, you are a stand-up, you don't even realize it. I go, like what? He goes, that. And I go, I don't know what you mean.

He goes, there, you did it again. I go, oh, me, when I get like a little attitude? He goes, yes. I go, ah, I don't know. Dennis Miller, and then I realized, oh me? When I get like a little attitude, he goes, yes. I go, ah, I don't know. Dennis Miller, there's been a lot of people's stories, like a helpful, like Dennis Miller has been very, like David Spade speaks very highly of like, Dennis Miller helping him. Well I remember, I think it was, oh Dana brought me to see David Spade. The first time I saw him was years ago of course.

He was unknown. And Dana goes, how do you see this guy, David Spade? He's like, he really looks up to Dennis and I. And I remember seeing him. I go, yeah, he's like a total mix of you and Dennis. I remember part of that. But then it became his own thing. Not now he's not, but in the beginning.

I remember I said the initial like, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. So I mean, the idea was like, you know, that we're coming that fear to get on stage, and I thought, well, if I don't do this, I'm going to be broke again. And I grew up very nice, and I'm a crying poor, and my dad was a very successful doctor, but he goes, after college you're on your own. Okay. I didn't know what it meant, and thank God he did it, so I made five bucks an hour of

these crap jobs, and I thanked him. When I finally met him, I go, I can't thank you enough he goes what I go you didn't give me any money do you realize what you did he's like no I go you forced me to make something of myself oh my god it's the best feeling in the world you didn't give me any money that's the best gift you could have given me nothing and he goes what he was like confused I, don't you get it? I go, oh my god. Because that's what it takes, right?

If you don't have anything, you go, oh shit. I'm going to cancel my kid's birthday present right now. You can't be comfortable. No, it's scary. It's scary, yeah. And then I realized, I said 10% of the people that come to New York, I like to be actors. I mean, I have 100%, your competition is 10%. The rest of them, they just, you know, you're an acting class, yeah man, they're a star,

I don't know if I want to be famous. Oh yeah, it's up to you. I'm doing idiots, you know, they don't do anything. I make fun of them. I go, what are you doing for your career? You know, are you doing any acting class? No, man, you know, I either got it or you don't. Are you doing any plays? No, man, this town is film. I go, well, so what are you doing for your acting career? I'm doing it. I'm at Starbucks and drinking my latte and I'm brooding.

Alright, good luck to you. I understand that thing. That's how, but it's the defense mechanism how you get through. You go, I don't think comedy really is supposed to be happening in arenas. It's not really where comedy is supposed to be. Comedy is comedy clubs, like the things I can do. It needs to be intimate. It needs to be intimate. It's 200 seats or less, half full. That's where you really get your chance.

You know, well Joe Coy used to open for me when he was starting left. I had him open for me as a stand up. Let's just make that clear. Mr. Sucks the Meat off a mic. And now he's playing arenas. I go, how do you do? You have to wait for the timing. And I remember what Dane Cook was doing. He goes, yeah, there's a delay.

And then Bill Byrd does it. And I said, do you have to do different timing? He goes, no, there's no delay anymore. So I was just at the Hollywood ball and it's like instant. I go, oh, so it's the same. It's just more. And it's exciting. Nah, dude, I got rid of the delay, dude. Fuck the delay. I don't do that. No, but isn't it amazing? Like stand up, they're like rock stars. Joke, Russell Peters did it. It used to be Steve Martin was the first. He was playing stadiums. And then he, I think got exhausted and he stopped.

Then Andrew Dice Clay 20 years later, and then he did it for five years. And then he said, he got like exhausted, you know, until he did it. And then Dane, Dane Cook. And then it's like Russell and Joe Coy and Bill Burr and I think Sebastian Manilisco and there's about eight guys. Burr Chrysler, Tom Slegura, Joe Rogan.

What about you? Neepar Gatsy. I'm more of a jazz quintet. I play smaller places. There's like 25 guys doing this. The three of you have this show. I mean I'm sure you go on tour together. We do well.

We do, we and Joe, we all do theaters and small theaters and clubs And we we have a great fan base, but it is wild I think that you know the new the places that bands AC DC used to play is now just a comic going in with a Bunch of the comics. I mean it's unreal Joe quite posse's he's on his private jet. He's going all over the world I go I go it's it's unbelievable. I go. How did you go? He was selling out clubs, you know. After he did, he opened for him about a year and a half and then he got so good. I go, Joe, I can't follow you anymore. You should be headlining. You're at that level.

And that was like 15 years ago or more. So I said, how did you start doing arenas? Because he was, he'd play the improv improv he'd sell out 16 shows which is unheard of. Finding your audience. So he said well I wanted to do a special and Netflix said no so I financed my own special and then they bought it you know. Yeah which is what I love and that's kind of the new normal now. Yeah but isn't YouTube now the way people do a special? People on YouTube are selling tickets it's you know. Well it's it's that's kind of dying now, too. I mean, you put your special out there for free,

and then you got all the fans and people watching. But now, I think there was 52 specials released last month or something like that. Netflix does 52 a year, plus all the other ones that come out on Prime, all the other ones that come out on YouTube, too. Well, back in the day, there was a certain amount of comics that did specials.

Now, there's an hour special of somebody starting like a year ago. Can Bobby interest you in his new company PunchUp.live, Bobby's ground level investor in? It's a great company. He doesn't like it. No, I don't know. We have to let Mr. Lovitz go here. No, I don't have anywhere to go.

Because they're making us, our show has to take a break. Yeah, well, I'm not. I talked to you all day but stand in I say yeah occupy occupy serious get out he goes get me up before funny when the mics went off John Lovett's just what he's like get me out they wouldn't remove him now he's no he didn't give us any play with John what do you want to plug yeah what do you got you got do people find you? Oh, what do I want to plug? Yeah, what do you got? John, you got a website? You got a MySpace? Paul's on your MySpace still. Well, I'm on Twitter on at real John Lovitz and I'm on Instagram, John Lovitz.

There you go. Right there. And then. Are you got any dates coming up? Yeah, I'm gonna be in Arkansas. I have dates in the future. I'm mostly doing the hip-hop. You fucking make me drink. Grove Comedy Club. You know what's crazy? If you go up on Instagram, I did a thing like, you never know what's gonna hit, right?

So I was at, I play tennis all the time, like every day. Clearly, I don't like to run after the ball anyway and I did this thing no my tennis and I go he goes you should record that so it was just off this cuff and I recorded it and I got 2.1 million views I'm gonna be I'm gonna announcing soon I'll be doing I'm doing a podcast with Charlotte McKinney from you know oh yeah cause you that's that'll be doing I'm doing a podcast with Charlotte McKinney from you know, oh, yeah cause you would that's the picture We're gonna be doing a podcast so you can look for that but um beautiful, but here if you keep going up I'll show you this thing. I did it. Can you play stuff from there? Yeah. Yeah. All right, keep going

It was just off the cuff. I did salons show break Keep going Keep going. I'm in it. I had a little break. Keep going. Keep going. I'm gonna, is this Instagram? Yep. Yeah. Wait, where is it?

Oh, I think maybe that's my dog. What the hell is it? We go with time, Lou. Oh wait, it's down lower. Well, look at that sign. I was in Seattle. Look at that homeless guy sign. Need to fuck a bitch.

Need money to fuck a bitch. You need the money. Well, wait, go back the other way. I didn't see it. I'm wearing a, I'm sitting in a tennis clothes. That's me on the Tonight Show, Johnny Carson. These are crazy pictures. We do have to take a break at some point, John.

No, oh there it is on the right. There it is, I mean on the left in the blue shirt. Oh, there you go. This was for the moment. Talking with my tennis teacher about aging and I realized with age comes confidence. For example, a half hour ago I shit my pants. I have yet to wipe because I'm confident that eventually it will dry out and cake off.

Make sure you go see him. I was talking with my kids. That's the world we live in today. 2.1 million views. I'm like, are you kidding? You're going to fill a theater with that clip. Jesus. It was the most ridiculous thing.

Dana Carvey was right. Get right to the point. Don't dilly dally. Don't dilly dally. You're all jealous you theater with that clip. Jesus. It was the most ridiculous. Dana Carvey was right get right to the point Don't dilly-dally You're all jealous you didn't think of it The great John Lovitz hanging out with everybody and Paul Verzi. He's at the Troubadour Troubadour Friday night 10 o'clock this Friday Troubadour and June 8th Gramercy Theater, man. Check that out Punch up dot live slash Robert Kelly for all his dates. PigJComedy.com.

We'll be back to say goodbye, I think. Thank you for having me. Bonfire LA, we're having a blast. Bonfire LA.