The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Live From L.A. (feat. Jimmy Carr & Bonnie McFarlane)
Episode Date: May 7, 2024Live from the city Of angels, The Bonfire broadcasts from the Sirius XM studios for the first time. Comedy greats Jimmy Carr and Bonnie McFarlane are in town for the Netflix Is A Joke Fest and hang o...ut for the whole show. They suspect someone has had facial surgery on the Tom Brady Roast. DJ Lou gets more than he bargains for at his Hollywood hotel. FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf
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The Bonfire I do love the doors, but as I got older, as I told you, I lost the respect for his performance.
Why?
Because everything I thought was cool about Jim Marsden, not showing up for gigs, and
because he's doing drugs with this band, and he would do this and pass out on stage, and
all those things that I thought were rock and roll and awesome, now as an adult performer,
I'm like, what a jerk-off.
Yeah.
There's people waiting in the seats.
Do the show, asshole.
Because you do a show at Lewis once a week?
Yeah.
The Jim Morrison of our time.
It's the bonfire, everybody.
We are LA bound.
My headphones sound really tinny.
We're in LA.
LA. We're in the LA studios.
Big Jay Okerson, the great Robert Kelly.
What's up?
Faction Talk, SiriusXM 103.
We have a great guest sitting in.
The whole crew's out here.
I mean.
When I said we have a great guest, Jacob just went, yeah.
Jacob, he was, he'd not nonstop talking
since we got in the studio.
We were here 20 minutes early, out of character,
20 minutes before the show in studio,
and Jacob has been harping our guests.
Literally taking notes. He has notes. He's taking notes in his phone.
He has notes in his phone for things you can't get.
I can't get it. You can't get it.
I aspire to get it. You aspire to get it but you could actually.
Do you have any... Introduce our guest everybody. The great, hilarious Jimmy Carr is in studio.
Fuck yeah.
I mean...
I can't believe your luck.
Thank you very much for having me.
I mean, we are very lucky to have you.
I can't believe you said yeah.
Of course I said yeah.
It's nice to see you guys.
It's fantastic.
I mean, I do think,
listen, I've got nothing but deference.
This man aspires to dress like a grownup.
Can I stop you real quick?
But both of you dress like toddlers,
but with...
But I think it looks like your parents cared more. Oh, for sure.
Oh, 100%.
Do you know J.R. is a wallet chain, but the chain doesn't go to his wallet?
It's just there for looks.
Right.
A wallet chain to nowhere.
Like a Prince Albert.
Yeah, yeah.
It's just there for decoration.
Famously, Prince Albert had to, Queen Victoria's husband had the original Prince Albert because
he had such a huge penis. Penis piercing.
And, ah, got the bane of my life.
I had to strap it to his leg when horse riding.
Well, Jay has that.
That's his ascot.
That's his accoutrement.
This is chained to nowhere.
My chain wall.
That's how people know I'm fancy.
You hear me coming, like a ghost.
Yeah, or like a pit bull.
But Jacob is, despite what you'd think by his
multiple layers of Models-like clothing, Jacob.
He looks like three different versions of dads.
Like a dad who got divorced, a dad who's happily married,
and somebody who doesn't have a wife yet.
I would say he's a man for all seasons,
and he's wearing all of the clothes for all the seasons
at the same time. He's got on his summer shirt, his autumn seasons, and he's wearing all of the clothes for all of the seasons at the same time.
He's got on his summer shirt, his autumn hoodie,
and his winter coat jacket,
and he's got another coat for sure,
and he's freezing out here in LA too.
He's also freezing, but Jacob has a,
we all are guilty of having our YouTube kind of go-to things.
Mine is true crime type stuff,
pedophile hunts of the like.
Bobby does a lot of bushcraft,
which Jacob does also.
But bushcraft is a great term for pornography.
It really should be.
Yeah, it's a lot of fun.
I watch a lot of bushcraft online.
Do you mean 70s porn?
Yes, I do, yes.
I thought bushcraft, before they explained to me
what it was, I go, oh, is that like the art
of shaving shapes into pubes or something,
like the crafting of bush shaving shapes into pubes or something, like the crafting of bush?
But it's not.
That feels like a very good coffee to me.
Oh, that'd be a great coffee.
Fancy bushes?
Yeah.
Topiary, that's what it's called.
Topiary.
Topiary.
And then there's a Brazilian, because like the Brazilian
rainforest, there's very little left.
Yeah, that's right.
Yeah, they shave it all the way down in Brazil.
The most beautiful pubes, too.
And yet, but so Jacob...
Hairy legs, by the way.
Brazilian girls don't shave their legs.
They shave their vaginas.
Well, in fairness, you only interacted with the prostitutes.
That's true. You have a good point.
They don't shave their legs. They just shave their...
They bleach...
So it looks like a bin fire.
Yeah, they bleach their legs. They bleach the leg So it looks like a bin fire.
They bleach their legs.
They bleach the leg hair.
They like the leg hair.
But not...
Like I was on the beach and it was a bunch of girls bleaching each other's leg hair.
But bleaching leg hair on dark skin.
I don't think there's any easy way to tell you this, but it sounds like you fucked a
dude.
Yeah, and they have...
Their clitoris is like an outie.
It's like a pointy outie. And when they come it can like hit you in the face
It's like she could only come if she put her giant clit in my butt, which was weird
But it's a different culture. It's different
Yeah, when in Brazil, what are you gonna do?
That's the funny that is the funniest thing about like the one time I ever shaved my above-the-dick hair It's the idea that like it's the funniest thing about the one time I ever shaved my above the dick hair.
It's the idea that it's the only thing that's shaved.
You can't have hairy legs and a completely bald whole underwear area looks bizarre.
Yeah, you have to fade the legs.
You have to fade the leg hair.
Like a monk in the middle ages just with a bald thing on the top.
A yarmulke of dick hair. Jacob, his YouTube hole he goes into
is, I can only call it gentlemanly behavior.
He likes watching guys that tell him
the best shaving brush for the shaving cream,
like a shaving cream brush, he loves,
what's the guy's name?
A GFO Trumper is where you wanna go for one of those.
Kirby Allison.
If you're interested.
Do you know Kirby Allison is?
No, he doesn those. Kirby Allison. If you're interested. Do you know who Kirby Allison is? No, he doesn't.
Kirby Allison.
He's, you gotta say, Jimmy is above Kirby.
Right, Kirby Allison's talking to you guys.
To us. Yeah, exactly.
Jimmy would laugh, I bet his decisions
that Kirby Allison makes you be like,
that's cheap shit.
Yeah.
It's bullshit.
Well, he...
Is this a YouTuber that tells you what to...
Yeah, he exposes me to the how to dress like classic menswear.
Stop getting nervous, Jacob. He's right here.
I don't have to talk in front of Jimmy.
He's trying to muster up a big word.
He looks exactly where I aspire to get to.
Is he telling people to buy brogues?
How ghastly.
Is that bad?
Eh, wouldn't be for me.
But, you know, I'm sure he's doing great.
Jacob aspires to one day get to this guy's shoes.
Yeah, nice.
I've never liked the...
By the way, I don't like seeing it, yet I would do all those things, like posing my
backdrop with Louis Vuitton things and, you know, fancy single barrel malt liquors and
shit.
Not malt liquor, malt, single malt whiskey.
What are you, San Francisco?
Yeah.
Malt liquor's a different thing.
Yeah, yeah, it's a different thing.
That is more what I would have.
Just like Colt 45s behind me.
Yeah.
Now you, because you are a gentleman.
You live in a castle.
Well, no, I don't live in a castle.
But I mean, I suppose it's that thing as well.
I'm very aware of how I'm perceived, but also who I am.
I'm like an Irish immigrant to the UK.
And then I kind of got educated beyond my intellect.
So I sound quite fancy, but not really.
I'm from Limerick in Ireland.
All the families are from Limerick in Ireland.
I can't believe I like to look who's here.
Bonnie McFarland just stepped in.
Somebody's been tanning their ass off.
What are you, catting for Voss?
Everybody is going to be hosting Would You Bang Him
tomorrow.
That's Tuesday, May 7th for the Netflix Is a Joke festival.
Would You Bang Him?
And we all know your husbands.
I mean, the bar is low.
Yeah, no, it's not about him, thank God,
because that's a no across the board.
But no, it's a fix.
Explain to them what the show is.
It is.
We came up with this show on this show.
Yeah.
Do you know that?
Because I was like, oh, there should
be a show where we should judge guy comics.
Yeah.
It is.
It's sometimes crushing when it happens.
I thought, like, I went, and if you do a good job,
and explain the show.
I'm sorry.
OK, so there's three female comedian judges
and one gay guy judge comedian.
That sounds funny.
And then guys, you wouldn't do it.
Of course I wouldn't do it.
Bob, you're the only comic that we ever asked that said no.
Because I don't want to go up in front of three female
feminist comedians and a gay guy,
and I'm some alpha douche from Boston.
It's just not, I have enough on my plate.
You do your comedy set, Jimmy, and then the girls.
Say whether they would bang you.
The women.
The broads.
He goes, and then those three dinghy broads
start laying their bullshit on me.
Yeah, the bitches chime in, and then the queer gets in there.
They see, they honestly.
Is there a judgment before you perform your set
and afterwards?
Well, the idea is a sense of of humor really what a woman wants.
Oh yes, I mean if you come and see me live, there's actually a health and safety warning because women are slipping off their seats.
Right, right. But it might just be because of your manly physique.
Oh, look who's talking.
A lot of people do mistake. Manly physique. Oh what look who's talking
You saw a lot of people do mistake I think I'm mistaking you today for Tom Cruise You seem to have come dressed as Tom Cruise in Top Gun bomber jacket
It is Bonnie's Bonnie's look is like stars from the 80s by the way by the way between Bonnie and Jimmy
They are both the alternate looks that Jacob wishes he could pull off on a daily basis.
Jacob would love to look like a helicopter pilot instructor.
On the weekends.
On the weekends, yeah.
And then during the day, a nice, fine English gentleman.
Yeah, you love Steve McQueen and a Guy Ritchie movie.
That's what you like.
Steve McQueen is, I mean, it's that thing.
Did you read that Quentin Tarantino book
that came out last year?
Cinema Speculation.
He just asks us what we want to know.
When you said, did you read that book?
As soon as we got to book, I should have just been like,
no, no, no, but I'd love to hear about it.
Okay, so Quentin Tarantino writes this book,
and it's just about the movies he loves from the 70s.
And I read it, and I went, why am I watching new films?
There's a weird thing that we all do
of watching new films, right?
You watch new films and you listen to old music.
That's what most people tend to do. And I've reversed it.
I'm just watching old movies and listening to new music.
It's working for me.
Is it ones that you've never, it's keeping you hip, right?
Well, it's a lot of the things,
a lot of the ones I think I've seen,
and then I haven't.
And like, I would have sworn blind if anyone had asked me,
have you seen Steve McQueen in The Getaway?
I would have gone, yeah, yeah, have you seen Bullet?
Yeah, no, I've definitely seen it.
I had maybe one of 30 years ago,
but I couldn't remember any of it.
That's the thing that happens to me is I re-watch them
and I'm trying to remember as I'm going along,
like do I remember this scene?
What happens next?
And then I never remember anything.
It's kind of a nice thing as well to watch a movie
if you have seen it before,
because you can sort of enjoy it on a different level.
It's just you sort of,
because most people go to music for,
it's like dopamine serotonin,
what are you getting from the thing?
Like so watching the, you go for the new movie
for the new story, but the stories are all the same anyway.
All movies now seem to be children's films.
They've got goodies and baddies, there's no nuance.
Something about music,
and Christine will tell you this about me,
I don't want it, I have to find it all myself.
If someone goes, you haven't heard so and so-so you'll love this band and they'll go
Watch put this one song on by them, and I'm just like
It's like I now have to get through this four minutes
Especially if it's some music where it's like an eight minute song, but I love showing other people music
I've got the same thing with like with movies
Yeah, you have to see this TV show you have to see this movie. It's like it's honestly it's three points down. Yeah before we even begin
Yeah, whereas if you discover it somehow it seems more
It's why I think I like comedies having such a boom because it's a world if you go to the comedy store or the seller
I don't have five nights in a month
You have a pretty good take on what's going on like this and you see new people and then that's your guy forever
Anyone that you saw early on, they were doing 20 minutes.
But what that tends to do is sort of the same thing that I
heard, I think it was when Green Day was on Howard Stern,
they were saying when they first popped and got popular,
Green Day, that a lot of their original fans
started turning immediately because people are like,
you were my thing. Now you've gone like, you know, the idea are like, you were my thing.
Now you've gone, like, you know, the idea is like,
you tell, but those fans are the ones they said
that got them to that popularity level
because they kept telling everybody else,
this band, this band, this band,
and then they get huge and they're like,
they're not our band anymore.
They're just turning them.
I think comedy, some people start to have that too.
There's people who like, they love comics
and then they get to that arena level,
they can't wait to start chopping them. I was just gonna like, they love comics and then they get to that arena level,
they can't wait to start chopping them up.
I was just gonna throw a joke in, I fucked up, sorry.
Why?
I don't know, I was trying to muscle a joke
in the middle of your story.
Hoppa, hoppa, hoppa, hoppa.
What is that?
What is that?
Be an asshole, I am.
It's kind of a weird thing where you find stuff
and the stuff that you love as well,
like sharing it now is kind of so much easier.
It's like discovering a great movie is kind of,
it's hard now, because they're not making many movies.
Well, Baby Reindeer I knew nothing about when I went to watch it. What do you mean you knew nothing about? Really? discovering a great movie is kind of it's hard now because they're not making many movies well, baby reindeer
I knew nothing about when I went to what you mean you knew nothing about you're married to a comedian you stalked
Well, he did you knew nothing about it
He I didn't know you thought you were just being interviewed for was this show no I didn't know
I didn't know the fucked up. I
Mean I take exception to that you think I stalked rich.
Who married their stalker?
A couple of people have married their stalker.
I believe Gary Newman married a woman that was obsessed.
An obsessive fan was the head of the fan club,
and eventually just married her.
I think it just saved on admin.
I feel like it's always going to be a guy marrying
his stalker, though.
I think it's rare that, like, uh.
Well, I did marry my stalker, but I feel like you were making me the stalker in the situation
You know the glasses are making it we all suspect you have two black guys
They're teeny-tiny though. I don't know if you've seen the rich doesn't hear she hits herself from marrying
I realize wayster wearing all those, because I wasn't scared of him.
And now I watch my mouth.
You wear so many rings.
I just assumed he worked in a pawn shop during the day.
I always ask him, what do you think people see
when they see you?
You know what I mean?
Like, what are you thinking this is showing people?
Why do you?
He looks like he belongs at a track.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, OTB, little OTB.
Have you ever asked him not to wear them?
Was there a point where you were like,
can you not do this?
No, no.
You just let him go.
What am I gonna do?
It's Rich Voss, he's insane, you know.
But I did figure something out.
I think he's always subconsciously trying to let people know
he's white trash.
Like, we were outside of our house
and this delivery guy came up and Rich was like,
hey, can you just for next week put our deliveries
by the side of the house, you know, by the garage
so that, you know, because we're gonna be out or whatever.
And the guy goes, yeah, no problem, I can do it all the time.
He goes, I mean, this neighborhood is a lot nicer
than the one I grew up in, but still.
And I was like, why are you trying to bond
with the delivery driver?
Because he loves small talk.
I think he wants that guy to know,
this is a nice house, but I didn't always live like this.
I'm still the one of you.
I was just like you.
Yes, yes.
I miss him.
I'm assuming he's dead the way we're talking about him.
No, no, no.
Because we're all telling quite reverential stories. This guy is, he's dead the way we're talking about him. No, no, no. He feels like we're all telling kind of quite reverential stories.
This guy is.
He's a good guy though.
He's a good guy.
It feels like, what a way for Bonnie to find out.
He didn't make it.
We didn't invite him on the show.
He's golfing.
He's golfing.
With who?
Is he schmoozing?
Is he laying the schmooze?
What, like a full-size golf course or like a little pitch and putt thing?
He takes full stroke drives at a mini golf place.
How was your game? Yeah, I got it through the windmill.
Right.
Vos uses his comedy, though, as like a monetary value
to get on courses.
Oh, yeah, no, that's...
I think he loves that more than doing the stand-up.
Yeah, like I was...
Calling them and getting free golf.
He calls up the club and says,
hey, I need a tee time.
We even went there full.
He was in Boston, they were like, we're full.
He's like, I'm doing, I don't know who you're talking about.
I'm a comic, I'm doing shows at LaughBoston.
He's like, we're still full.
I know.
And he just kept going.
He goes, I can get you tickets.
And the guy's like,
look, unless you're Shane Gillis, I'm not, I can't.
No, that really happened?
I know, yeah, it really happened.
Oh, damn. The guy was like, unless you're Shane Gillis. And Voss is like, that really happened? I know, yeah, it really happened. You guys were like, unless you're Shane Gillis,
and Vos is like, you motherfucker.
I think it's funny that Vos and Ehrenberg
are such two, like, you know, silly, fun guys,
and they are wrapped into the Gaza Israel thing.
Oh, God. I muted him.
At nowhere. You muted Vos.
But it's funny, because Vos will just pick a funny thing,
and then the next post is just a picture of a muscular lion with a Jewish star on his chest.
It's like, what the fuck is this?
I've never gotten political on,
well, I don't really have anything.
I'm like, go Israel, and the first time a comment
would be like, Israel's doing terrible things,
I'm like, fuck that Israel.
I'm just gonna delete it all and get outta here,
I don't care.
I try to feel out what they're going to say,
and then I just kind of agree with whatever
stance they're taking.
That's how I deal with all.
Bergen, Vos?
Just anyone.
All political conversations.
I just try to figure out, fair it out, what side they're on,
and just agree with that.
I feel like we're two sentences away from a cancellation here.
I agree with you.
Let's move this on.
Fair enough.
Go Palestine and go Israel.
We're with everybody here.
You were at the roast last night.
Yeah, I went to the roast.
Well, obviously the roast was really fun for me
because it's Tom Brady, who for me is just a guy.
Could not care less because all of the things that make him special to America like he's an incredible quarter pounder or something.
It's a quarterback.
Yes, but you get my point. Who cares? It's not a real sport. So for me it isn't. I just
don't understand it so I'm not in that world. So all of the football jokes, I was
having to kind of reverse engineer in my head,
oh, that must mean that he's a linebacker,
must be a titan, must be a...
I was trying to work out the joke maps of it at the same time.
It was all, it all came down to he's gay.
I mean, every single joke was, he's gay.
He's gay, the girl left him for the Judiciu guy.
But the, there was a couple of goodie, but how was that moment, how did that read in
the room when Jeff Ross made the massage parlor joke?
So did that make sense to you at all?
Yeah.
As not knowing the story?
I didn't know the story, but I put it together that there was a scandal where he was paying
someone for massages.
It was a sex, it wasn't even that, he was going to the massage parlor.
Whorehouse places.
Right.
And they kind of called him on that,
and Jeff Ross made the joke.
And this is the...
Is it Kraft?
The owner of...
Bob Kraft.
The owner of the Patriots.
And is he Kraft Cheese?
Yes.
Is he?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Why did no one make a...
Why did no one make a Kraft Cheese?
Well, I think because Jeff went first
and made that joke, and Tom Brady...
Did you see this at all?
Yeah, but I didn't know what was going on.
I didn't understand it. What did Tom Brady say? So he made that joke and Tom Brady, did you see this at all? Yeah, but I didn't know what was going on. I didn't understand it.
What did Tom Brady say?
So he made the joke, Jeff Ross, about,
he goes, Tom Brady came into the curry.
Is that rich?
Is that rich?
That's your husband.
Oh, God.
It's a shredded lion with a scarred gave
on its chest.
Oh, God.
Yeah.
I love that.
But he wrote something, though. He wrote something crazy.
And then Lewis wrote underneath, this is cringe.
So, yeah, Jeff made the joke about Tom Brady came into Robert Kraft's office, the owner of the team, when he drafted him and said this is the best decision you've ever made was drafting me.
And then he said, do you want to go get a massage? Or do you want a massage?
And it was pretty vague.
I don't even think a lot of people did get it
in the room necessarily.
And then the microphone, the live microphone
for Jeff Ross was on, and Tom Brady came in his ear
but you could hear him go, don't say that shit again.
It's very awkward.
Were you not there?
Did you not see that?
No, no, I saw that, but the other thing
that I couldn't work out, don't say that shit again, yeah Yeah, that seems I don't know. It's very respectful of Tom Brady
I guess he's an old guy and he wants to I don't know
He's probably had a conversation beforehand where he went that's anything about me
Is finally but he's probably said anything about me is fine. Do not mention my kids
He's put there's probably a couple of parameters where he went nothing about that
You're right in it because someone noticed that that no one said, because someone noticed that no one said anything about him kissing his son.
Yeah, right.
And no one said anything about that.
But I think that's like, it's a pretty good sport for doing it.
I couldn't figure out the Kim Kardashian thing, because Kim Kardashian got up and I was going,
oh, it's Kim Kardashian, this is a huge deal.
Yeah, wow.
Oh, that's exciting.
And then booed in the room.
Reign of booed.
Well, a couple other people kind of got booed, football II guys. Yeah, but that was that felt right
You know, you're a patriot and I'm I don't know what whatever they right but I know be that wasn't that wasn't bullying
You're wrong about that. That was I thought it was to it first. They're saying drew drew
Say that there was no one to stop it
once it started.
Like it just gained momentum.
Like somebody booed and then everybody was like, why not?
What's the Kardashian thing?
Cause I thought she did,
I think she was really funny.
I thought she did a great job.
She was fine, she was good.
She was all right.
She was all right.
She was really funny.
She was like, Jesus.
Really funny?
No, no, but considering like, okay.
Considering she's a bimbo that took it in the butt on film and that's how she made her
millions?
She did not take it in the butt.
Well, whatever.
That's not what happened.
Well, she got fucked on film and that's why she's famous.
That's why people are booing because of...
She sashayed up there.
You said that.
You said that with a tone like that was a bad thing.
This is the thing that she did so well was that she got booed by the fucking forum and
then just was like just kept
Going she just kind of rolled her eyes like okay. I got that and then just did her thing
Why was she booed just no one knows I think it's just nobody likes her cuz she's a fucking
Multi-millionaire for nothing, but here's everyone that was booing if they saw her outside
if she would she said if she said something to them,
they would panic.
I think it was the big football crowd,
she's sort of almost an icon for Hollywood.
So it's almost like they're sort of
putting the concept of Hollywood.
Of who she is, yeah, because like I said,
the famous for nothing kind of idea.
But the famous for nothing, I mean,
she's very much the American royalty.
I'm not quite sure what our royalty does,
but I like them, and they're figureheads,
and you have the Kardashians.
You're not wrong.
No one quite understands it.
Christine, aside from being Armenian, has no connection
and loves just watching their lives interest her somehow.
I don't understand it, but there's plenty of shit I watch.
But is that not the thing with reality TV generally?
The whole concept is we were supposed to live in villages
Where we know each other's business and actually people watch these things because you can then have a conversation with anyone about the Kardashians
Yeah, so if you're watching the show if you're watching Survivor or Big Brother or whatever it is you end up going?
Oh my god this guy. Yeah, when you get it now what sports is but I watch exclusively. I watch exclusively reality though. That's
Sports is but I watch exclusively I watch exclusively reality though. That's
people I watch like cops and that kind of stuff like the show cops or
Love after love after love after you're right, but I feel like I feel like yeah, this is that feels like that's preparation for you
Like at some stage you're gonna get tasered you want to know how to take it I've thought yeah, what are my chances? Yeah, I'm like well that guy did okay after you got tased. I still kept fighting after a taser. I'll be fine
No, I watch all that for some reason in reality TV. I never want to watch like
You know million dollar this or any of those shows that show you like how great it can be
I like watching I try to get happiness in my own life by going like well at least I'm not
Living in this trailer park with somebody who just got out of jail that I was writing to for seven months or whatever.
You know what I mean?
Like, I just try to watch the worst and laugh at that
and then go, I'm doing all right.
It makes me feel better.
The Kardashians don't make me feel better.
You mix the, that has a mainly football fans of Brady
in the crowd and you put something that just they hate
is that rich for nothing-nothing Hollywood bullshit.
That's why they were booing her.
Well, I suppose who made that point about Hollywood versus sports?
Like, the reason sports are so popular now is because there's kind of no bullshit.
It's who's the fastest, who's the best, who's the strongest.
Whatever that thing is, the MMA, I suppose, is the guy was there, Dana.
But the idea that you go, it's just there's no bullshit here.
There's just people doing what they're doing.
They know what the rules are, we know what it is.
What joke is that?
Sam Jay killed, Tony Hinchcliffe killed,
Nikki Glaser did great.
I thought Nikki Glaser killed, yeah.
I thought it was a real edgy roast too.
I mean, they didn't hold anything back.
I was kind of surprised by that.
I was surprised with all these athletes.
I know they don't have conduct codes anymore
because they're out of the league.
All of them are retired players.
But it is weird that they're going so hard.
And you're like, man, I still feel like they're
heroes to kids in some way.
And something about watching them like,
I'm gonna suck the cum out of Tom Brady's dick
and then spit it on Bill Belichick's fucking asshole.
And then we're like, ah.
If you're like a 15, not even, I think that's too old,
but like a 10 year old kid who still loves Tom Brady, watching that, I'd be like, ah. If you're like a 15, not even, I think that's too old, but like a 10-year-old kid who still loves Tom Brady,
watching that, I'd be like, holy shit.
It would come a long way from Janet Jackson
having a boob out at the Super Bowl.
Well, we've talked about this a lot.
That switched to me.
Did that happen with Reina at all?
Your daughter that, like, a celebrity that was a kid
became like provocative sexual.
For my daughter, it was Hannah Montana, Miley Cyrus.
Loved hers on the Disney Channel and watched the show
and went to the concerts and then one year
she just showed up on the MTV Awards
in a one piece thing and she was punching herself
in the chua with a big foam finger.
Then she's naked on a bunch of things, Miley Cyrus,
and that was a weird transit.
Do you have anybody like that where it's like that? The switch is so crazy. Well I guess Ariana Grande, then she's naked on a bunch of things, Miley Cyrus, and I was like a weird like, transit, do you have anybody like that where it's like,
the switch is so crazy.
Well I guess Ariana Grande, but she's like appropriate,
she's not gross at all.
She's not really inappropriate, yeah, yeah, yeah.
My kid was the kid from Mr. Beast
that transitioned to a woman.
Who's that?
On Mr. Beast, you don't know about that?
The guy who like, does charity work?
He was, no, on Mr. Beast they have like a crew of guys,
and they're all like dude dudes.
Really?
Yeah, and then one of them just one year became a woman
and he's still on the show.
Just a, he's just a chick now.
Long hair, dresses like a woman, lipstick.
And he's just-
Pretty much like our Bonnie.
Ah.
I can do it, anyone can.
Our Bonnie.
I always think that like, I mean even like Caitlyn Jenner
it's like, why do I look like this? You that like I mean even like Caitlyn Jenner. It's like
Well, why do I look like this? You know what I mean? It's obvious that it's more as possible for me
Like what am I doing wrong you want to get a Jenner face I think I mean
She just got something else. I want to find out what Nikki Glaser got done some got done. She a lot done. Something was done. Yeah, her mouth looked like a piano key.
She got something done.
I don't know if it was just teeth.
She got teeth.
She looked great.
She looked, well, all right.
It just didn't look like her.
I thought she just looked different.
Yeah, she got, I think she got her eye,
she looked like she was,
like her eyes were pulled back or something.
She got her eyes pulled back.
Not a lot of people are doing that, but yeah.
Get her eyes pulled back? Her nose is done too. She got her nose done back. Not a lot of people are doing that, but yeah. Her eyes pulled back?
Her nose is done too.
She got her nose done.
It's experimental.
She did?
No.
Apparently the new thing that's happening
with plastic surgery, it used to be
you'd go and see your plastic surgeon in Hollywood
and you'd take in a picture of the celebrity that you like
and you say, well, I want Tom Cruise's nose
or I want to look like Kim Kardashian.
Now people take in photos of themselves but they've auto-tuned their face. And they go, I wanna look like I'm meant to look like Kim Kardashian. Now people take in photos of themselves,
but they've auto-tuned their face.
And they go, I wanna look like I'm meant
to look on social media.
But in real life.
Look at my filter face.
Yeah, can you get a filter face?
But basically they're filtering.
So plastic surgeons now have to try and do a filter.
It's kinda crazy.
Is there any, if you look up Nikki Glaser,
Oh, Nikki looked great.
Plastic surgery.
Yeah, she looked great.
She looked great. She murdered. She looked great. She looked great. She just looks like, I just known her for years and she looked, but it might have been heavy makeup also. I think it was like, her hair's got extensions in it.
It's also that thing of like, the makeup on that show,
cause you're out there on the gas.
It's Rich, I'm sorry.
It's Rich, I'm on the bonfire, so you're.
I'm fine.
Oh, damn.
Wow, what a, well I can see why you fell for that sweet talk.
I'm not, I'm not, I'm not.
I'm not, I'm not, I'm not. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not. the bonfire so you're well well I can see why you fell for that sweet
Bonnie I just got another damn he's like Bonnie guess what I just got another
click on my Jewish lion post it was us idiot Bonnie great news the lion post
is back in the algorithm he doesn't tell anything. He used to come in and I know he'd stand like this
and he'd, oh God, he's gonna talk about Israel now
and I'm gonna have to, I would say,
I'll give you 10 minutes a day.
You let him, you gave him his own room in the house
to decorate and he came on the bonfire,
bragging about showing us his room.
It looks like, it looks like it smells like
my old great grandmother's apartment before she died.
He's decorated our sitting room or whatever you call it.
And I think he's made his own
Funeral home.
Funeral parlor.
It's a funeral home.
It's like he wants open casket in there, I guess.
I don't know, that's what it looks like to me.
And it's what you give people
the second they walk through your door.
That's right through the front door.
I wish I was the kind of person that could just be like,
you know, this is our house, whatever.
But every person that walks in, I'm like, he did that.
I...
Why did he get it?
When did he get into 17th century art?
He's always...
When he was a boy?
I don't know.
There's something so weird about it.
He's just insane.
Like the paintings of sad women in corsets,
like the gold frames.
Like 17th century, I guess, or 18th century.
It's all Italian 17th century art that he's into,
that he thinks someday he's gonna hand it down to his kids.
Oh, he.
Actually, one of the paintings he has.
It turns out it is worth a lot of money.
One of these paintings,
because we had the guy from The Sopranos,
the guy with the ponytail who worked for...
Furio.
Furio on, I don't know, whatever version of Opie and Anthony
it was when I was on it.
And he's a big 17th century art guy.
And he showed him one of his paintings.
And we were like, dude, you're a fucking idiot.
None of this is gonna be worth,
but one of them was actually worth a lot of money.
Well, what was the thing in The Submarine
is where the guy got the painting of his boss as Napoleon.
It sounds like that kind of madness.
Is he in all of these paintings?
In his heart.
No, it's all women.
It's all, they're almost all women.
Are they Rubenesque?
No, they're in those very pretty, you know.
The puffy dresses.
The bustier dresses with the wide, yes.
The corsets, the whole thing, yeah.
Okay.
Yeah, landscape.
Like women in waiting, I guess, or whatever you call it.
I don't know.
Yeah.
My ex-mother-in-law had, you were just saying,
she liked that artist, I forget the name now,
I feel like I'm gonna ask, but it's a Hispanic artist,
or Spanish artist, I believe,
and all the people are just circles, like big fat people.
It's one of those things where she spends so much money
on these paintings, and you're like,
these aren't good paintings.
Yeah.
Like, I think-
It sounds good.
I think art is defined by talent.
I don't just take that slapping shit on a thing,
that it doesn't look, sometimes it looks cool, but that is a happy accident, for sure. is defined by talent. I don't just take that slapping shit on a thing.
Sometimes it looks cool, but that is a happy accident,
for sure.
When someone says they're an artist
and they couldn't draw someone's face very well,
or something, you're not an artist.
To me, you have to have the skill.
That's what it looks like.
But it's a weird thing though, isn't it?
Where it's like the artisan kind of thing
of the craftsmanship.
I think there's comics, we love the craftsmanship. Because that's kind of what jokes are. You work on it, you work on it, you work on it, and then you have something that's a craftsmanship is often, I think it's comics, we love the craftsmanship.
Because that's kind of what jokes are,
you work on it, you work on it, you work on it,
and then you have something that's like, it's a craftsmanship.
Sometimes that thing of like,
oh, I don't think there's been any progress really
since sort of Duchamp in the 1920s.
The upside down urinal thing.
We're both like, yeah, yeah, yeah, Duchamp.
We know exactly what the fuck they're talking about, Jimmy.
Sometimes when you see,
sometimes when you see like a piece of modern art and it really makes
you stop and think, I think that's the purpose of it, right?
Sure.
It's the Bonfire, everybody, and you're listening to the podcast version, which is free.
Half of it's free.
You get half the show.
Do you really want half?
No, don't you feel like you missed the other parts?
Right?
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I'm going back to Cali, rising, surprising, advising, realizing. Subscribe. We had... Bonnie was single in New York for five seconds only. She was the new girl in town and then Voss jumped right in that creep.
I'll tell you who was single in LA last night. DJ Lou.
Oh yeah? DJ Lou last night. Partying?
You partying? No I wasn't. I was trying to go to sleep but Lou made me come down to the bar
at the hotel. Made you. He made you. Forced you. Swear to God.
Grabbed you by the collar. How many nos did I give you Lou?
He gave me about four nos but I said, to God. Grabbed you by the collar. How many nos did I give you, Lou?
You gave me about four nos, but I said,
hey, we're in LA, man, let's go.
And then you went.
And we had a few drinks, just a few.
Yeah.
And there seems to be a lot of hookers
at the Moe's Hollywood Hotel.
Really, is it known for that?
And celebrities.
And celebrities.
But hookers.
You saw famous people.
Yeah.
Who'd you see? David Zayas who?
Dexter I say guys are from Jexta officer Batista. Okay, was he hooking? No, he wasn't
He was just there. Yeah, who else if you're starting there?
I don't think the next one's gonna be like, you know that guy almost bought my apartment in New York when I saw it
When I was selling my apartment he he came to look at it.
He was the only celebrity that was looking at it.
How do we know that these ladies were hookers?
Were you offering them money for services?
Is that how you know?
She asked me for money.
She asked you for money.
But how much?
If she asked for a couple bucks,
that's just somebody who needs some...
Wait, tell me, we're jumping ahead.
You go down to the bar with Black Lou,
you see a lady of the evening,
you think
is she's a pretty girl, or she just
starts talking to you guys?
She starts talking to some guy, and we see that we're like,
that's definitely a hooker.
Is she attractive?
Jacob?
She was, yeah, for that moment.
What the fuck?
I mean, it wasn't much.
She was OK.
What time was it?
It was 1130. Yeah, I get you
Yeah, that time of night. Yes. Yeah, gotcha. She was chatting up a lot of dudes too. That's the thing
She was going around the room. She's making her rounds. Oh, yeah, we were watching. I mean she took her chair and
Hopped the chair over a foot to talk to how was she dressed like a hooker? Okay
Bonnie you don't have to take this you were just having a
couple of drinks I was gonna wish I'd just done it I said oh like Jimmy I mean
she was dressed like you know very short dress orange so what happened with you
loose and then you were like, I love it.
Look at her work the room.
She pulled up next to me.
It's like when Sharon Stone in Casino is like,
look at her work that room.
Everybody wants her.
So she pulled up next to me and started talking to me.
And she's like, don't ever tell me no.
Everything I say to you, don't say no.
So that was like her thing to reel me in, I guess.
Ooh, flirty.
Yeah. You just took, you just completely took it, too? You can't say thing to reel me in, I guess. Ooh, flirty. Yeah.
She just took, you just completely took it too.
You can't send her anything.
Give me your wallet.
Thank you.
And then she goes, let's get down to business.
You got $500.
And I said, no, I don't.
And she's like, well, let's go up to your room
and talk about it.
She looked at you and thought you had $500?
I mean.
Thank you, thank you.
Lou and Jacob are like, how come you don't have $500?
I'm like, I'm on a work trip.
You look like just, you said it.
But she said it.
How does the story end?
Does she offer layaway?
She wanted $100 to discuss.
To negotiate.
Yeah, a consulting fee.
A consulting fee.
Yeah, that's smart.
That's good, I like that.
Hang on, why are you writing that down?
I know.
Oh.
Consulting fee, You hear a snap?
Damn.
The best part is she took his phone
from him and was beginning
to Venmo herself.
Describe took for me.
It was open in front of me. She took it and started to Venmo
herself.
How did she find Venmo?
She knew how to search the apps right away.
She got it. Jasmine's quick.
And she started to Venmo herself.
Sorry, Jasmine. Yes.
Oh, okay. Jasmine.
Wow. That is just classic Jasmine.
I wonder if you Venmo her.
Do you get her real name?
No. No, I can tell from experience.
I love that this chubby hooker gave herself a raise.
Oh, yeah. 500 bucks.
She was fit. She was fit.
She was really.
As far as hookers go, she was hot.
Jacob and Lou.
Spanish?
You're on meth, man.
It is like.
It's like a Zempig.
It keeps the weight off.
She had a kid seven months earlier.
On her screen, on her phone.
On her screen, she was showing the baby pictures
and her cooch.
Damn.
To us.
And she showed her cooch live to Jacob.
She spread her legs.
Did you see her puss?
Yes, I did. Somebody got something out of the deal.
Yeah, this sounds like... Describe it.
Was this in a doctor's office? At the bar? What kind of a place are you staying in?
The Lowe's Hotel. The Lowe's.
Now the listeners know they can just call the hotel and ring their room anytime they want.
That's okay.
Guys, feel free to bother Jacob all night.
You have to get your phone off the hook.
Jacob, a tot's room, please.
Hey, give me $500.
Send some hookers to Jacob's room.
I didn't think about that.
Oh, that'd be fucking awesome.
You guys should send a hooker to their rooms.
They'd love that.
Do you want to know the silver lining?
The silver lining?
Of her badge?
Yeah.
That doesn't sound healthy.
Pearl Jam saved him.
You want to know how?
He bored a hooker with Pearl Jam talk?
No.
His life's work.
You know Pearl Jam is a euphemism for ejaculate.
That's what I said.
Yeah, it is.
He's a big fan.
He says, no. There's's three stories there's three bands there's
Pearl Jam 10cc and the Loving Spoonful are the three bands named after 10cc
is the the average what about come twats come twats isn't weirdly that isn't
that's no that's weird 10cc's it seems like a lot. Get Rich Vultz on the phone.
How about the punk band Thick Creamy Load?
I just got one little drop on my cheek.
You get a tear drop?
Yeah.
Oh man, I don't know why I'd want to see Rich's load.
I don't want to see him produce it, but I'd like to see afterwards.
No, I don't want to see him produce it either.
Here we are. We've made our decision.
Yeah, that's why you have a kid, because you don't want to see him produce it.
Just put it in there. I don't care as long as I don't have to deal with it.
It looks like a meringue. I can't get over 10 cc's. That's a lot.
Is it? Doesn't it seem like a lot? Not for a young helping man.
Maybe I don't know what cc's are. That's cups? No.
Cups seem like a lot. Yeah you've been making too many Japanese movies.
Cup of jizz. 10 cc's. It seem like a lot. Yeah, you've been making too many Japanese movies. A cup of jizz. 10cc.
It's like a full syringe.
How did you get your phone back?
I need to know.
So she grabs your phone, she's trying to get 500 bucks, and then did you snatch it out
of her hand?
Yes.
I said I'm not interested.
She wasn't listening to me.
She doesn't take note for an answer.
But she saw that you were interested.
You just didn't have 500 bucks.
Yes.
He was interested. You guys were interested. You guys were looking at her like she was a steak and you were interested you just didn't have 500 bucks yes he was interested you guys were interested you guys were looking at her like she was a
you know a steak and you were starving wrong she put her head on loose shoulder
and said I'm fucking you tonight yeah she's out of $500 yeah I'm fucking you
tonight cuz I know somewhere in your life you're able to conjure up $500
tonight call friends you should let me keep going through your phone.
It goes, all right, I'm going to call your parents to you
if they'll wire it to you.
And then the argument was between Jacob and Lou,
like, how do I not have $500 extra?
What price would you have said yes to if she whittled you
down to Hondo?
No way she would take it down.
And it was like, what, full sex?
Or what is the $500?
She's going to talk about that up in the room,
where she's going to fucking Venmo herself again
and rape me of all my money.
I've seen it all before.
I think she was going to kill you in that room.
Would have been my guess.
I didn't get a great vibe from her as far as the story goes.
I would love to internet sleuth this crime.
We're all a little bit disappointed you weren't
murdered by a hooker last night.
A little bit.
I'm just sad that the story didn't continue on.
You didn't get her up in the room, but I get it.
You're not gonna give her $100 to come shoot the shit
about how much she's gonna charge you to do other stuff.
She wanted to charge $100 to talk right there.
Really?
Yeah, just to get, and then she just moved on
and hopped onto the next person,
and she went to a group of businessmen.
I'm gonna boob with this.
Actually, last time I was out here
for the last Netflix is a Joke festival,
the hotel I was at, which I think was the W. I think
Outside of there and like the little parking area. I wanted to smoke a cigarette late night, and there was a girl
Not super attractive
But like everything hanging out and like really like laying it on pretty thick and I was feeling pretty good about myself
Until they hit you that's the worst you already knew she was a hooker when she got to you.
When they come and you're like,
wow, this girl's really just laying it on nicely.
And she's like, anyway, if you wanna hang out
for like an hour at Cosmo, I'm like, oh.
I'm not doing it anyway, but like.
You thought you were doing well?
Yeah, I thought I was gonna have to shoot her down,
like, ah, sorry sweetie, I can't really do that.
But she was just like, for money, I was like, oh.
It would've worked for me, like a room.
Would've looked great if she was a real girl.
But you know you can negotiate the $500.
Well, he asked us for four.
You just went for it?
You just went for $400.
You asked everybody to chip in?
He wanted $200 from me and Lou each.
He thought he could bargain it down to.
I said this in front of her.
Like, I didn't pull you guys aside and say, give me the cash.
I promise you, me and Bobby would have seen the funny.
I wish someone would have let us know
at the right time, I would have absolutely
made sure we got you that $500.
That's what I said, I was giving you a play by play.
I was reading it to you.
I didn't even think about it.
Yeah, but I didn't seem like it was like
he would have been down.
I would have absolutely Venmo'd you $500 together.
It felt so good waking up knowing that I didn't do it.
No, it didn't.
Can we just pause?
You're staying in the same hotel this evening, yes?
Yes, sir.
Well, I think tomorrow's show is going to be very different.
Yes!
Jimmy's going to lay down his cash.
And they're in pounds.
So very, very different story tomorrow.
Is she going to go, hey, that's for $500.
Will you flip him over for a couple bucks more?
We're definitely going to see her again.
Oh, dude, Jasmine, yeah, I'll get you laid.
I want it so bad to happen. I want you to bang this hot prostitute who stays at your hotel. But you have to tell us everything.
And you have to also, remember she told you, you can't say no to anything.
So whatever she wants to do.
She's going to renegotiate and jack it up to a thousand.
Gandal up your ass, fingernail in your dick hole.
You just say no, Lou. If she says, like, act it out with me right now.
Hey, 500 bucks, it's going to be a good deal.
I'm going to get you a new house. She's gonna renegotiate and jack it up to a thousand. Candle up your ass, fingernail in your dick hole. You just say no, Lou.
If she says, look, act it out with me right now.
Right now.
Hey, 500 bucks to go in the room.
No.
All right, well, okay.
That was a good sale.
What do you wanna give me?
Wait, who's the whore here?
I'm the whore.
Oh.
I mean, you're, actually in life, you're the whore.
You whore.
No, I thought I said no.
You just gotta negotiate, dude, it's haggling.
Just haggle it down.
Bobby, you got the gift of gab for that, though.
I would never, ever, I told you,
I got robbed by a prostitute in,
what was it, Trinidad or something?
Why were you in Trinidad?
Right?
What the fuck?
Well, what I did, I performed,
it was a Black Circuit show.
I mean, that's the blackest.
Yeah, it was the blackest. And I went and performed's the blackest. Yeah, it was the blackest.
And I went and performed at like a bar.
It was like a bar show, they paid like decent.
Who's managing you?
Oh, this was before management.
This was before management.
But I went to this bar.
It was a gay guy with bad teeth.
It's a bar gig, but the sweetener is,
it's a long way away.
It's a very, very far away.
And you're not gonna do well,
because it's during Carnival was happening down there.
Right.
So but I go to this black club where no women are going to be
leaving or interested in me at this place at all.
So there's no-
Like every other club.
Yeah, yeah.
But even more so.
You've ever been to.
Yeah.
Well, I also, this is also going to be one where I'm not
doing well on stage either.
It's like the whole thing just went bad.
But there were so many beautiful women there that I was just worked up. So I was like, fuck it where I'm not doing well on stage, the whole thing just went bad. But there were so many beautiful women there
that I always just worked up, so I was like,
fuck it, I'm gonna call, I'm gonna get one.
And they, she showed up where there was a knock on the door
and it looked like Sam Jay when they opened the door.
It was just very like a butchie.
Looked like a small male door guy?
Yeah, and they were like, and I opened the door
and they go, it was 100 bucks.
And you didn't think you were gonna get robbed?
Some guy showed up at your door with tits?
I feel bad saying robbed,
because it's the same thing I got robbed this weekend.
It's a nonviolent robbery.
They just saw my nerves and trepidation,
because I went, she was there, I go,
oh, I go oh I go are you
are you the girl because I was prepared just to go are you a girl?
Never mind.
What are your pronouns?
I would have just said never mind but she was smart enough to go she goes no no no no
I just come up and collect the money and then I send the girl up and I was like oh thank
God here's one hundred dollars and then as soon as the door closed I went
Oh, that's probably the end of that
You don't pay first
That's the it feels like this is the shortest ever podcast
shortest ever true crime podcast
He solved the case himself
She was the girl subscribe and review to you're a fucking idiot.
It's um.
Smash that like button.
Yeah, it's the um, yeah, you put it together.
It's almost like it was just about the money for her.
It was almost, but I just, the fact that when,
as soon as that door closed and she was,
I still could have stopped the situation, I guess,
or tried, but.
Hey!
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wait, wait, wait, I'm starting to think you were the girl.
Oh.
And you're just robbing me.
No, I just took it and I was like, you know what?
I didn't get killed.
It was so weird.
You're not the, you know that happens a lot.
I didn't get killed by the girl.
That happens a lot.
There's a bunch of chumps like you.
Yes.
No, no, I said it's the thing.
She wasn't standing there going like, what are you doing?
When I watched the...
Like what did you do, call them?
Is that how it works? You call them and then you go. Yeah, I think so, yeah. Yeah, it's I watch the... Like, what did you do, call them? Is that how it works?
Yeah, or I think so, yeah.
Could you send somebody?
I'm intrigued.
Yeah, we will.
I'm intrigued by grifting,
like good grifts people have.
It's not even a hooker,
it's just a family that sends their aunt.
There's a town that does grifts.
Really?
It's about, I think it's like 400 miles, or whatever it clicks, south of Casablanca. And there's a town that does griffs. Really? It's about, I think it's like 400 miles,
or whatever it clicks, south of Casablanca.
And there's a town there.
And the reason they know it's the center
for all of the big frauds is because
it's like a FedEx money center there
is the busiest one in the world.
Really?
And they do the sexploitation one
where it's the, they get a guy online and they've got a video
of a girl messaging and she types
and they think they're chatting to this girl online
and she says, I can't talk because my sister's
in the next room, so just type.
And the guy's doing it, I've seen the video so many times,
they know exactly when to type,
when she's at the keyboard, so they're doing this thing live
and they're chatting, then I wanna see you,
they get the video of the guy
Jerking it and then they they say well, we're gonna exploit you
We're gonna send this to everyone your contacts unless you give us the money
It's a huge business and most of it is the gay guys in the Middle East
Well, if you don't pay us the money and the guy goes well, what are my options here?
I'm out of luck. We know somebody that had that happened to.
We know somebody that happened to,
that used to work with us.
Dan?
No, no, no, no.
Behind the scenes person.
Dan was jerking off the guys.
There's a friend of mine that happened to him
when he wrote a show about it.
Joel Domet wrote a show about it.
Really?
And then he found the girl.
He did some sleuthing.
So it was the video, and someone was trying to exploit him.
And in the end, he just went, we'll just release it then.
And they released it, and he was kind of embarrassed,
but he's got nothing to be embarrassed about.
But a good grift, I'm impressed by,
even when it's like, it's always like necessity
of the worst people, but there's a documentary
on HBO years ago called Dope Sick Love,
and it was just this, you know,
people trying to get their drugs every day.
And the two that shook me, that I was like,
wow, if you just do it bold, like,
if they weren't doing drugs, they could buy a house
by the end of the year with these.
They just learn the getting the receipt out of the trash.
If you go to a trash can at a grocery store,
most people just kind of throw their receipts out.
I think they just grab the receipt
and just find like, just two or three,
you know, get like laundry detergent.
Some of the bigger priced items,
and just go into the store and grab that off the shelf
and take it to customer service and be like I actually don't need, I'm returning
these and they would just get cash back. That's a pretty awesome grift.
And then the other one is again playing on like the nerves, the same thing the
girl did to me, which she would prostitute but she would never prostitute.
She would get in the car and
looked every bit like a junkie like really bad and would get in the car and
they had the audio playing of the girl going yeah pull over right here and I'll
you know we'll do whatever and they get there she flashes a fake badge and goes
like police you're blah blah blah and then just the craziest if you think when
he thinks about it two minutes when she leaves He'll go. Oh, it's just panicking and I made a weird move because she goes yes, please
Alright, well look I got these guys around the corner waiting to arrest you
but like if you give right now, you know, if you want to give whatever's in your pocket, we'll put it towards like the
You know women's shelter kind of thing and the guys just so quickly they're like you sure
It's only like it's only like 200 bucks or something. She's like, okay, that's fine
But I don't want you to see you around here anymore
or whatever and just send them on their way
and I'm like, wow.
I've done that.
We've all done it.
Come on.
Your first tour, that was your first tour,
how you made it around town.
Yeah, it's kind of fascinating, that thing of the grifters,
remember that movie, Grifters, about the amount of work
that goes into it?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You go, well, you could just live,
I think you could just live a straight life
and make as much money.
If they had, I know some people are,
the innovation in this.
People are addicted to the thrill of doing the crime,
is what it is for sure.
But it's everything's online now,
and it seems to be aimed at people over a certain age
that just go, oh, someone's in trouble, they need money.
Or that weird message that comes up like a text
from a number you don't
recognize and they get you talking and just targeting people that are lonely.
It happened to, who's the guy from Bravo? The Opera Channel.
Yes. Who is, what's that guy's name? Andy Cohen. He got a lot of money stolen, like
$300,000 or something.
From one of those deals?
For, like, texted him and said,
there's been some suspicious activity on your account,
you know, click this thing or call this number,
which he does, but that's the scam.
That's not the bank.
Yeah, once you engage, you're fucked, I think.
And then they start, you know, saying, did you buy this?
They knew everything that he had bought me and
other things and he goes oh no that's not me that's not me they said okay we
need your account number we need this whatever
he gives it to him the minute he gives it to me realizes all i think i just
got scammed calls his bank
they don't know that's a scam but it's too late it's like the money's gone
causes that people pray on old ladies, you know, moms.
But we should celebrate our moms this Sunday.
Oh, segue.
Yes.
Mother's Day is this Sunday.
The moms in our lives put up with a lot.
24 karat gold dip rose for just $69.
How much?
Check out.
$69.
Check out.
$69 your mom this Mother's Day.
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Personalized message as opposed to a generic. Yeah. Yeah. Hey mom, I guess from from mom
Yeah, yeah to mom from child from Steven to mother from child is from Steven
Hey, you lonely you lonely I've listened to that twice and I don't know whether we're buying roses or red wine. So it's
Steven Singer is a Philadelphia jeweler who is
That's very it should be it does it Philadelphia jeweler
Yeah, whatever you need he's a little bit of a Philadelphia jeweler
He'll get you a gold-dipped rose if you know what I mean. Jimmy Carr's
new special natural born killer streaming right now on Netflix check it out and go
see him live for tickets and tour dates go to jimmycarr.com and Bonnie McFarland
again hosting Would You Bang Him tomorrow night at the Netflix is a Joke
Festival at the Kukaburth Lounge in Los Angeles for tickets go to
Netflixisajoke.com. Greg Gregg for Simmons is gonna
be there
all right I'm not coming by if she's wearing the gloves she's gonna be
topless oh yeah we only have ten seconds left everybody Robert Kettle punch up
that live slash Robert Kelly's gonna be a red clay comedy this weekend I'm gonna be at the Summit Comedy Club in Fort Wayne
bigj comedy.com you guys